When Death Occurs
Death must be pronounced by an authorized person (such as a doctor), and the cause and circumstances of death must be certified. Fulfilling these requirements varies substantially in different parts of the country. If a person plans to die at home, the family should know ahead of time what to expect and to do. When a person has hospice care, the hospice nurse generally explains all of this. If police or other public officials must be called, they should be notified in advance that the person is dying at home. Hospices and home care programs often have routines for notifying officials that spare the family uncomfortable encounters. If no hospice or home care agency is involved, the family should contact the medical examiner or funeral home director to learn what to expect. A death certificate is necessary for making insurance claims, getting access to financial accounts, conveying real property titled to the deceased, and settling the estate. The family should obtain enough copies.
The family may be reluctant to ask for or approve an autopsy. Although it will not help the deceased, an autopsy may help the family and other people who have the same disease by revealing more about the disease process. After the autopsy, the body can be prepared by the funeral home or family for burial or cremation. Incisions made during the autopsy are usually hidden by clothing.
Prearranging and even prepaying for funeral services can be very helpful to the family, as can knowing the dying person's preferences for the handling of his body after death. The options can range from burial to cremation to donating the body to research. Many families have some sort of reception to honor the memory of the loved one. Some choose to have a small service soon after the person has died, whereas others choose to have a large memorial service a few weeks or even months later.
Getting on with life after a loved one has died depends on the nature of the relationship with the deceased, the age of the deceased, the kind of dying that was experienced, and the emotional and financial resources available. Also, the family needs to feel sure that they did what they should. Having a talk with the doctor a few weeks after the death can help answer lingering questions. The loneliness, disorientation, and feeling of unreality experienced during the period near the death improve with time, but the sense of loss persists. People do not "get over" a death as much as they make sense of it and go on with life.
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