For the previous collection of quotes and jokes CLICK HERE
Moon's Day 2006-08-28:
Joke of the day (Thanks Rat):
>The mayor of Houston Texas was very worried about a plague of
starlings in
>Houston. The mayor could not remove the starlings from the
city. All of
>Houston was full of starling poop. The people of Houston
couldn't walk on
>the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune
to try to
>keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
>
>One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a
proposition. "
>can rid your beautiful city of its plague of starlings
without cost to the
>city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or,
you can
>pay me five million dollars and ask one question." The
mayor considered
>the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.
>
>The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened
his coat,
>and released a red starling. The red starling circled in the
air and flew
>up into the bright blue Texas sky. All the starlings in
Houston saw the
>red starling. They gathered up behind the red starling. The
Houston
>starlings followed the red starling as she flew eastward out
of the city.
>
>The next day the red starling returned completely alone to
the man atop
>City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He thought the man
and the red
>starling had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid
Houston of the
>plague of starlings.
>
>Even though the man with the starling had charged nothing,
the mayor
>presented him with a check for 5 million dollars and told the
man that,
>indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they
had agreed to
>no fee and the man had rid the city of starlings, he decided
to pay the 5
>million just to get to ask ONE question.
>
>The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his
question. The
>mayor asked: "Do you have any red Mexicans?"
[Birdman comment: Contrary to the above joke, I like
starlings. Read Arnie the Darling Starling, and you will too.]
Second joke of the day (Blondes strike back! Thanks Vic):
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asks what they are doing.
Paddy: "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,
but we don't have a ladder."
The blonde took a spanner from her purse, loosened a few bolts
and laid the flagpole down. She pulled a tape measure from her
pocket, took a few measurements and announced that it was
eighteen feet and six inches. She then walked off.
Mick: "Ain't that just like a blonde! We need the height and
she gives us the length."
Third joke of the
day (Thanks Rat):
>Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem
>when He decided that He really needed a new robe.
>
>After looking around for a while,
>He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.
>So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements
>to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him.
>
>A few days later,
>when the robe was finished,
>Jesus tried it on
>and it was a perfect fit !
>
>He asked how much He owed.
>Finkelstein brushed him off:
>"No, no, no, for the Son of God ?
>There's no charge !
>However, may I ask for a small favor ?
>Whenever you give a sermon,
>perhaps you could just mention
>that your nice new robe
>was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor ? "
>
>Jesus readily agreed and as promised,
>extolled the virtues of His Finkelstein robe
>whenever He spoke to the masses.
>
>A few months later,
>while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem,
>He happened to walk past Finkelstein's shop
>and noted a huge line of people
>waiting for Finkelstein's robes.
>
>He pushed his way through the crowd
>to speak to him
>and as soon as Finkelstein spotted Him
>he said: "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my
business !
>Would you consider a partnership ? "
>
>"Certainly," replied Jesus. "Jesus &
Finkelstein it is."
>
>" Oh, no, no," said Finkelstein.
>"Finkelstein & Jesus.
>After all, I am the craftsman."
>
>The two of them debated this for some time.
>
>Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately
fruitful
>and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable
compromise.
>
>A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's
shop.
>
>Can you guess what it read ??
>
>
>Lord & Taylor
Quote of the day
(Thanks Carl J):
The
NationMaster.com facts may change your perception
American has the world's fourth largest population and is:
#1 for military expenditures - More than five times as much as #2
- China
#1 for nuclear, biological and chemical weapons of mass
destruction per
capita
#1 for the number of rapes
#1 for teenage pregnancies
#1 for total number of divorces
#1 for CO2 emissions
#1 for CO2 emissions from fossil fuels 2000 (per capita)
#1 for electricity consumption
#1 for nuclear energy consumption
#1 for oil imports
#1 for total energy usage per person
#1 for municipal waste per capita
#1 for nuclear waste pollution
#1 for the number of threatened species
#1 the largest debtor in the world (This listing needs updating)
#1 for firearm discharge
#1 the highest divorce rate
#1 for total crimes committed
#1 when it comes to adults prosecuted for crimes
#1 when it comes to the numbers of their population in prison -
Over two
million! 34% more than China which has 241% more people
#1 when it comes to the number of criminal record holders
#1 for plastic surgery procedures and
#1 for the amount of money spent on healthcare
#46 for life expectancy and there are estimated to be about 45
million
Americans that do not have any health insurance
#2 for the number of abortions
#2 for heart attacks and
#2 for asthma sufferers
America is not even in the top 30 for public spending on public
education so
it's not surprising that it's ...
#14 for duration of education and...
#47 for total education spending and
#14 for school life expectancy and
#68 for the percentage 'literacy' level of the population
#11 for unemployment
#6 in the world for the total number of murders
#3 for the total number executions along with our democratic
'friends' in
China, Congo and Iran
#13 for social security expenditure as % of GDP
#98 for GDP real growth rate
#1 for soft drink consumption
#1 for the number of television hours watched
[Birdman comment: Many of these statistics are not so
impressive in view of America's large population. Others can be
explained by our wealth, eg, energy consumption, CO2 emissions.
More relevant is per capita statistics. The stat on education
expenditure is completely misleading: In fact, there is little
correlation between expenditure and achievement, as has been
shown time and agan. Also, many stats are skewed by the influx of
foreigners -- mainly Mexcrement -- who have a much higher crime
rate. Like D'Israeli once remarked, there are lies, damned lies
and statistics.]
Second quote of the
day (Thanks Thomas A):
In this case we are
supposed to think that things aren't going the way Bush and
Olmert wanted them to go, when in fact they are going perfectly
to plan. Most of us have been convinced that Hezbollah are too
strong, thanks to Iranian and Syrian backing, for Israel to
tackle them on her own.
So what does need to happen next in this brave new world of the
War of Terror? Another 'coalition of the willing' of course,
attacking the alleged roots of this phony threat to Israel's
survival.
Unfortunately, most of us are so in love with the idea of Israel
having been beaten by Hezbollah, that we can't see through this
perfectly arranged Zio smokescreen: a mock defeat of a mock
invasion against a mock guerilla.]
--http://www.ziopedia.org/content/view/1346/1/
Third quote of the
day (Thanks Brett):
http://www.jta.org/page_view_story.asp?intarticleid=16990&intcategoryid=3
A federal judge has given a green light for the trial of former
AIPAC officials Steve Rosen, left, and Keith Weissman, right, to
proceed.
Fourth quote of the
day (Thanks Rat):
A true report -
A woman said her son found his license plate missing so he called
the
police to file a report. They told him people were stealing the
plates
to get free gas Given the rise in gas prices, people have taken
to
stealing license plates, putting them on their car, then getting
gas and
running. The gas station will have "your" license plate
# and you could
be in trouble for "pump and run." Check your car
periodically to be
sure you still have a plate. If you should find it missing, file
a
report immediately!!!
Keep an eye on your license plate! Make sure you always know it's
there! Mine was stolen this weekend and I have no idea when! The
lady
at the revenue office said that they have replaced several
license
plates since gas prices have been so high. People are stealing
them,
putting them on their vehicles to go buy gas and driving off
without
paying! When the license plate is reported as the "drive off
vehicle",
it's YOU they contact! Be aware!!!! Be aware of your license
plates,
most of us never look to see if they're there.
You can check it out http://www.snopes.com/autos/theft/gastheft.asp
Fifth quote of the
day (Thanks Henri):
While you can't
judge a book by its cover, you can glean insight these days from
the titles given to National Intelligence Estimates and papers
meant to supplant them. Remember "Iraq's Continuing Program
for Weapons of Mass Destruction," the infamous NIE of
October 1, 2002, by which Congress was misled into approving an
unnecessary war? "Continuing" leaped out of the title,
foreshadowing the one-sided thrust of an estimate ostensibly
commissioned to determine whether WMD programs were
"continuing," or whether they had been dead for ten
years. (The latter turned out to be the case, but the title - and
the cooked insides - provided the scare needed to get Congress
aboard.)
Now suddenly appears a pseudo-estimate titled "Recognizing
Iran as a Strategic Threat: An Intelligence Challenge for the
United States." To wit, the challenge set before the
Intelligence Community is to get religion, climb aboard, and
"recognize" Iran as a strategic threat. But alas, the
community has not yet been fully purged of recalcitrant
intelligence analysts who reject a "faith-based"
approach to intelligence and hang back from the altar call to
revealed truth. Hence, the statutory intelligence agencies cannot
be counted on to come to politically correct conclusions
regarding the strategic threat from Iran.
Hoekstra to the Rescue
Pete Hoekstra apparently has set his sights on outstripping his
Senate counterpart, Pat Roberts of Kansas, for first honors as
intelligence partisan of the year. Roberts, who has torpedoed all
attempts to complete the long-promised study on whether the
George W. Bush administration played fast and loose with
intelligence on Iraq, is a formidable competitor, but Hoekstra is
moving up steadily on the right. Tellingly, his zeal (and that of
FOX News) recently found him well ahead of even Vice President
Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. Citing an Army
report that units had dug up corroded canisters of chemical agent
dating back decades, Hoekstra and Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pa.)
insisted that weapons of mass destruction had indeed been found
in Iraq. "We were right all the time!"
Shameless as Cheney and Rumsfeld have been in stretching the
truth, not even they would go along with that one. No doubt they
pledged to find more credible ways to shore up Santorum's
flagging campaign to hang onto his Senate seat. One can
understand the pressure on Santorum to find some deus ex machina
to rescue his campaign. What was most remarkable was his ability
to enlist the chair of the House intelligence committee in this
charade and make him the laughingstock of Washington. Was
Hoekstra unfamiliar with the donnybrook over the administration's
fatuous claims of WMD in Iraq, and its eventual concession that
there were none there? Where has he been?
As recently as May 4, in answer to a question after a speech in
Atlanta, Rumsfeld conceded, "Apparently there were no
weapons of mass destruction." Was Hoekstra so naive as to
think he could pressure the administration into recanting its
painful recantation and risk opening that still festering wound?
--http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/082506R.shtml
Sixth quote of the
day (Thanks Brett):
ROCHESTER HILLS --
A 33-year-old man was arrested Monday, accused of
extorting nude photographs and videos from a Rochester Hills
teenager by
convincing her he had hacked into her computer and could ruin her
parents'
credit rating, authorities say.
Barbar Majid Chaudhry was arrested in Fort Wayne, Ind., where he
and his
wife and child were visiting his brother. In a case that Oakland
County
Sheriff Michael Bouchard said Monday could have national and
possibly
international implications, Chaudhry--a Pakistani national-- is
to be
extradited here to face charges of extortion, child sexually
abusive
activity, and use of a computer to commit a crime, all felonies
punishable
by up to 20 years in prison. He will also face charges of
communicating with
another to commit a crime, a felony that carries a 15-year prison
penalty.
--http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060822/BIZ04/608220342
Seventh quote of
the day (Thanks Donaldo):
"A gun in the
hand is worth more than a cop on the phone." --JPFO
[Donaldo comment: "A new 14 words."]
Eighth quote of the
day (Janet documents Morgan Rynolds' assertion that planes did
not hit the WTC - see earlier posts):
If you look at this article you'll see that he asserts that there
is no evidence that planes hit the WTC.
http://nomoregames.net/index.php?page=911&subpage1=why_did_WTCs_collapse
Part of his reasoning is that no black boxes from the planes were
ever found. But the American Free Press said they were found
according to accounts by firemen who were with the feds when they
found them.
http://www.americanfreepress.net/html/black_box.html
It simply wasn't reported in the news.
Ninth quote of the
day (Header of an email sent to Birdman0:
Trong chop nhoang
BIEN KHONG THE-THANH CO THE
[Birdman comment: You just can't make these things up.]
Tenth quote of the
day (Thanks Vic):
BILLY CONNOLLY'S
CHAIN LETTER
Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not
forwarding 50
billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe if you send them on, a poor six year old girl in Scotland
with
a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to
have
it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling
freak
show.
And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give
you,
and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?
How stupid are we?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish,
I'll
get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!
What a bunch of bullshit.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house
and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that
was
started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget
pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.
Fuck 'em!!
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing.
I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends,
and this
poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't fucking care.
Eleventh quote of
the day (Thanks EH):
Can you imagine
this: walking down your street and seeing one out of five
people with a burnoose on their head or a berka clad woman? Well,
France is
that country. 20% of France now is composed of Muslims. A
dangerous group of
cultists intent on killing all infidels. Does France deserve the
fate it now
faces? As these vermin multiply out of control they will take
over France and
subjugate the country. England and Germany will follow since both
have a big
population of this scourge of humanity. So, finally Europe will
fall to the
control of a murderous group of religious fanatics. Sadly there
is little that
can be done about it. Deporting them is likely impossible since
this would
smack of nazi like actions and which country would accept them?
So, liberal immigration policies of years ago has now doomed
these 3
countries to subjugation and control of a murderous cult called
Islam. The
irony is rich, all 3 countries conquered countries in centuries
passed and now
it is their turn. But for them there will be no escape, the
multiplication of
these human rats is uncontrolled unlike the low rates of the 3
infected
nations. America faces exactly the same invasion and the
destruction of our culture.
Millions upon millions of unwashed ignorant and frequently
criminal Mexicans
now are in our country having illegally crossed our borders. In
like manner
they too multiply like rats. And they will take over the southern
states and
then ultimately dominate them. And America will follow those 3
nations already
enumerated. All 4 nations will be destroyed. But America does
have a way to
reverse and send back these Mexicans to their country. Simply
this: pass
laws making it illegal to employ them. That is all. When they
cannot work they
must go back to their own country. Simple and elegant. But will
it be done?
Very unlikely since politicians can never do anything so logical.
And so our
nation will be destroyed too as they multiply and take over our
country at the
ballot box. Sadly America too will be conquered just like France,
England
and Germany. What can stop them?
Twelfth quote of
the day (Thanks Brett):
http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/012/622bqwjn.a
sp
DURING THE RECENT month-long war between Hezbollah and Israel,
U.N.
"peacekeeping" forces made a startling contribution:
They openly published
daily real-time intelligence, of obvious usefulness to Hezbollah,
on the
location, equipment, and force structure of Israeli troops in
Lebanon.
UNIFIL--the United Nations Interim Force in Lebanon, a nearly
2,000-man blue-helmet contingent that has been present on the
Lebanon-Israel
border since 1978--is officially neutral. Yet, throughout the
recent war, it
posted on its website for all to see precise information about
the movements
of Israeli Defense Forces soldiers and the nature of their
weaponry and
materiel, even specifying the placement of IDF safety structures
within
hours of their construction. New information was sometimes only
30 minutes
old when it was posted, and never more than 24 hours old.
Meanwhile, UNIFIL posted not a single item of specific
intelligence
regarding Hezbollah forces. Statements on the order of Hezbollah
"fired
rockets in large numbers from various locations" and
Hezbollah's rockets
"were fired in significantly larger numbers from various
locations" are as
precise as its coverage of the other side ever got.
Thirteenth quote of
the day (Thanks JR):
A White nationalist
website [1] reports something interesting. It notes that
America's Federal Reserve system has a ".gov" web
address [2].
That ".gov" web address seems odd to us, since the
Federal Reserve is a private-but-regulated corporation. It is not
part of the U.S. government. It is not part of the U.S. Treasury.
It is only a vessel, so to speak, which the U.S. government uses.
So why does it have a U.S. government web address?
Further, it should be noted that the Jewish banker Paul M.
Warburg was the key person in the creation of the Federal Reserve
system in 1913. Also, both the current and the previous chief of
the Federal Reserve is/was Jewish.
********
[1] http://www.whitealert.com/
[2] http://www.federalreserve.gov/
Fourteenth quote of
the day (Thanks DKF):
http://www.familywatchdog.us
The above site supposedly shows you your local sex offenders.
What no one seems to grasp is that sex offenders are likely to be
the least of one's worries, and that picking out sex offenders,
as opposed to burglars, killers, rapists and other jolly folk is
not only discriminatory, but just covers up negroidal and latrino
crime. --Birdman
Fifteenth quote of
the day (Thanks Henri and governor):
Professor's 9/11
theories outrage NH leaders
Union Leader
By Staff Report
http://www.unionleader.com/article.aspx?headline=Professor%27s+9%2f11+theories+outrage+NH+leaders&articleId=0a013444-f391-4eaf-ae95-24cab674130b
A tenured professor of psychology at the University of New
Hampshire believes an "elite" group within the federal
government orchestrated the September 11th attacks on America.
William Woodward has already raised that possibility in his
classroom and later this year hopes to teach a class that would
explore Sept. 11th "in psychological terms -- terms like
belief, conspiracy, fear, truth, courage, group dynamics."
He may not get the chance. Several state leaders yesterday
criticized Woodward for bringing the radical theories into the
classroom.
"In my view, there are limitations to academic freedom and
freedom of speech," said U.S. Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H.
"I believe it is inappropriate for someone at a public
university which is supported with taxpayer dollars to take
positions that are generally an affront to the sensibility of
most all Americans," Gregg said.
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