Ill bus your face, Al, said Gurlick.
I gon break your back. I gon blow up your place,
an you with it, an all your rotgut likker, who wants it?
You hear me, Al?
Al didnt hear him. Al was back of the bar in his
saloon, three blocks away, probably still indignantly
red, still twitching his long bald head at the empty
doorway through which Gurlick had fled, still repeating
what all his customers had just witnessed: Gurlick
cringing in from the slick raw night, fawning at Al,
stretching his stubble in a ragged brown grin, tilting
his head, half-closing his sick-green, muddy-whited
eyes. Walkin in here, Al would be reporting for
the fourth time in nine minutes, all full of good-ol-Al
this an hiya-buddy that, an you-know-me-Al,
and hows about a little, you-know; an all I says is I
know you all right, Gurlick, shuck on out o here, I
wouldnt give you sand if I met you on the beach; an
him spittin like that, right on the bar, an runnin out,
an stickin his head back in an callin me a
Sanctimoniously, Al would not sully his lips with the
word. And the rye-and-ginger by the door would be
nodding wisely and saying, Man shouldnt mention
a fellers mother, whatever, while the long-term
would be clasping his glass, warm as pablum and
headless as Ann Boleyn, and intoning, You was
right, Al, dead right.
Gurlick, four blocks away now, glanced back over
his shoulder and saw no pursuit. He slowed his
scamper to a trot and then a soggy shuffle, hunching
his shoulders against the blowing mist. He kept on
cursing Al, and the beer, and the rye-and-ginger,
announcing that he could take em one at a time or
all together one-handed.
He could do nothing of the kind, of course. It
wasnt in him. It would have been success of a sort,
and it was too late in life for Gurlick, unassisted, to
start anything as new and different as success. His
very first breath had been ill-timed and poorly done,
and from then on he had done nothing right. He
begged badly and stole when it was absolutely safe,
which was seldom, and he rolled drunks providing
they were totally blacked out, alone, and concealed.
He slept in warehouses, box-cars, parked trucks. He
worked only in the most extreme circumstances, and
had yet to last through the second week. Ill cut
em, he muttered. Smash their face for
them, Ill...
He sidled into an alley and felt along the wall to a
garbage can he knew about. It was a restaurant garbage
can and sometimes... He lifted the lid, and as
he did so saw something pale slide away and fall to
the ground. It looked like a bun, and he snatched at
it and missed. He stooped for it, and part of the
misted wall beside him seemed to detach itself and
become solid and hairy; it scrabbled past his legs. He
gasped in terror and kicked out, a vicious, ratlike
motion, a hysterical spasm.
His foot connected solidly and the creature rose in
the air and fell heavily at the base of the fence, in the
dim wet light from the street. It was a small white
dog, three-quarters starved. It yipped twice, faintly,
tried to rise and could not.
When Gurlick saw it was helpless he laughed aloud
and ran to it and kicked it and stamped on it until it
was dead, and with each blow his vengeance became
more mighty. There went Al, and there the two
barflies and one for the cops, and one for all judges
and jailers, and a good one for everyone in the world
who owned anything, and to top it, one for the rain.
He was a pretty big man by the time he was finished.
Out of breath, he wheezed back to the garbage can
and felt around until he found the bun. It was
sodden and slippery, but it was half a hamburger
which some profligate had tossed into the alley, and
that was all that mattered. He wiped it on his sleeve,
which made no appreciable difference to sleeve or
bun, and crammed the doughy, greasy mass into his
mouth.
He stepped out into the light and looked up through
the mist at the square shoulders of the buildings that
stood around to watch him. He was a man who had
fought for, killed for what was rightfully his. Dont
mess with me, he growled at the city.
A kind of intoxication flooded him. He felt the way
he did at the beginning of that dream he was always
having, where he would walk down a dirt path beside a lake,
feeling good, feeling strong and expectant, knowing he was
about to come to the pile of
clothes on the bank. He wasnt having the dream just
then, he knew; he was too cold and too wet, but he
squared his shoulders anyway. He began to walk,
looking up. He told the world to look out. He said he
was going to shake it up and dump it and stamp on
its fat face. You going to know Dan Gurlick passed
this way, he said.
He was perfectly right this time, because it was in
him now. It had been in the hamburger and before
that in the horse from which most of the hamburger
had been made, and before that in two birds, one
after the other, which had mistaken it for a berry.
Before that... its hard to say. It had fallen into a
field, thats all. It was patient, and quite content to
wait. When the first bird ate it, it sensed it was in
the wrong place, and did nothing, and the same
thing with the second. When the horses blunt club
of a tongue scooped it up with a clutch of meadow-grass,
it had hopes for a while. It straightened itself
out after the horses teeth flattened it, and left the
digestive tract early, to shoulder its way between
cells and fibers until it rested in a ganglion. There it
sensed another disappointment, and high time tooonce
it penetrated into the neurone-chains, its nature would be
irreversibly changed, and it would
have been with the horse for the rest of its life. As,
in fact, it was. But after the butchers blade missed it,
and the meat-grinder wrung it, pinched it, stretched
it (but in no way separated any part of it from any
other), it could still go on about its job when the
time came. Eight months in the deepfreeze affected
it not at all, nor did hot fat. It was sold from a
pushcart with a bag full of other hamburgers, and
wound up in the bottom of the bag. The boy who bit
into this particular hamburger was the only human
being who ever saw it. It looked like a boiled raisin,
or worse. The boy had had enough by then, anyway.
He threw it into the alley.
This girls name was Charlotte Dunsay and she worked
in Accounting. She was open and sunny and she was
a dish. She had rich brown hair with ruby lights in it,
and the kind of topaz eyes that usually belong to a
special kind of blonde. She had a figure that Paul
Sanders, who was in Pharmaceuticals, considered a
waste on an office job, and an outright deprivation
when viewed in the light of the information that her
husband was a Merchant Marine officer on the Australia
run. It was a matter of hours after she caught
the attention of the entire plant (which was a matter
of minutes after she got there) that news went around
of her cheerful but unshakable Thanks, but no
thanks.
The carcass of the old truck stood forgotten in the
never-visited back edge of a junk-yard. Gurlick didnt
visit it; he lived in it, more often than not. Sometimes
the weather was too bitterly cold for it to serve
him, and in the hottest part of the summer he stayed
away from it for weeks at a time. But most of the
time it served him well. It broke the wind and it
kept out most of the rain; it was dirty and dark and
cost-free, which three items made it pure Gurlick.
I am Guido, seventeen. I... think; nearly seventeen.
There is always doubt about us who crawled
out of the bones of Anzio and Cassini as infants, as...
maggots out of the bones when the meat is
gone. I never look back, never look back. Today the
belly is full, tomorrow it must be filled. Yesterdays
empty belly is nothing to fear, yesterdays full belly
is meaningless today; so never look back, never look
back...
Sowhaddaya want?
Dimity Carmichael sat back and smiled at the
weeping girl. Sex, she told Caroline,
is, after all, so unnecessary.
Gurlick sank his chin into his collarbones, hunched
his shoulders, and shuffled. Ill find
out, he promised, muttering. You jus let me know what you
want, Ill find out fya. Then, boy, look out.
Mbala slipped through the night, terrified. The night
was for sleep, for drowsing in the kraal with one of
ones wives snoring on the floor and the goats
shifting and munching by the door. Let the jungle mutter
and squeak then, shriek and clatter and be still,
rustle and rush and roar; it was proper that it should
do all these things. It was full of devils, as everyone
knew, and that was proper too. They never came
into the kraal, and Mbala never went into the dark.
Not until now.
You Doctor Langley?
Henry was tall. He stood tall and sat tall and had a
surprisingly adult face, which made him all the more
ridiculous as he sat through school day after day,
weeping. He did not cry piteously or with bellows of
rage and outrage, but almost silently, with a series of
widely spaced, soft, difficult sniffs. He did what he
was told (Get in line... move your chairs, its story
time... fetch the puzzles... put away the paints)
but he did not speak and would not play or dance or
sing or laugh. He would only sit, still as a spike, and
sniff. Henry was five and kindergarten was tough for
him. Life was tough for him. Life is tough, his
father was fond of saying, and the little coward
might as well learn.
After clubbing Dr. Langley with the floor lamp,
Gurlick rummaged around as ordered, and, bearing
a bundle, went shopping. The Medusa permitted
him to shop for himself first, quite willing to concede
that he knew the subtleties of his own matrix better
than it did. He got a second-hand suit from a hockshop
in the tenderloin district, and a shave and a trim at
the barber college. Esthetically the improvement was
negligible; socially it was enormous. He was able to
get what he wanted, though none of it was easy,
since he personally knew the names of none of the
things he was compelled to buy. Probably the metal
samples were hardest of all to acquire; he had to go
into an endless succession of glassy-eyed silences
before a bewildered lab supply clerk undertook to
show him a periodic table of the elements. Once he
had that, things moved more rapidly. By pointing
and mumbling and asking and trancing, he acquired
lab demonstration samples of nickel, aluminum, iron,
copper, selenium, carbon and certain others. He
asked for but could not afford deuterium, four-nines
pure tantalum, and six-nines silver. The electrical-supply
houses frustrated him deeply on the matter of
small-gauge wire with a square cross-section, but
someone at last directed him to a jewelry-findings
store and at last he had what he wanted.
Tony Brevix and his wife and their four kids and the
cat were moving. Tony drove the truck, a patched,
rusted, flap-fendered quarter-ton panel truck with an
immense transmission, a transmogrified rear end,
and a little bitty motor that had rated 42 horsepower
American when it was new, which was certainly not
recently. In the truck were almost all of their household
goods, carefully not packed in boxes, but stacked,
folded, wadded and rodded down until the entire
truck body was solid as a rubber brick. With Tony
rode one and occasionally two of the children, who
for childrens mysterious reasons counted it a
privilege to be subjected to the cold, the oil-smoke from
the breather which came up through the holes under
the floorboard, and the vehicles strange slantwise
gait as it carried its eightfold overload on only three
ancient shock-absorbers. The cat did not ride in the
truck, as there was no glass in the side windows.
When Gurlick fell asleep, the thing he had built was
a tangle of components, possessing (to any trained
terrestrial eye) a certain compelling symmetry and
an elaborate uselessness (but how useless would a
variable frequency oscillator seem to a wise bushman
or a savage from Madison Avenue?); but when he
awoke, the picture was different. Very different.
Who has sent me to Massoni, and Massoni to me,
Guido? Is all my life, everything in it lost, glad,
hungry, weary, furious, hopeful, hurtis it planned
to lead me to Massoni and Massoni to me? Who has
curved the path he treads, all the places he has been
and things he has done, to meet mine and travel it?
The spore, the raisin which Gurlick had eaten, had
been life or its surrogate. It had traversed space
physically, bodily, and it had finished its function
and its capabilities with its invasion of Gurlick. But
the transfer of the life-essence of all the Medusa into
all of humanity was something that earth-built machineseven
if built on earth by otherscould not
accomplish. Only life can transmit life. A very slight
alteration indeedan adjustment of isotopes in certain
ionized elements in Gurlicks ductless glandswould
make the membership of humanity in the
corpus of the Medusa a certainty. The machines now
abuilding would effectively restore (the Medusa still
unswervingly operated from a conviction that this
was a restoration) the unity of the human species, its
hive-mind, so that each person could reach, and be
reached by, all persons; but the fusion with the
Medusa would be Gurlicks special chore, and would
take place on the instant that his seed married with
the ovum of a human female. As the machine slowly
closed over him, its deft limbs already performing
the first of a hundred delicate manipulations, it caught
up his dream and congratulated him on it, and gave
it detail and depth which his creative poverty had
never made possible to him before, so that he lived
it realer than real, from the instant of approach (and
a degree of anticipation which might have destroyed
him had he felt it earlier) to the moments of consummation,
so violent they shook the earth and sent the
sky itself acrinkle with ripples of delighted color.
And more: for in these tactile inventions there was
no human limitation, and it was given to him to
proceed again, and yet again, without exhaustion or
dulling familiarity, either through the entire episode
or through any smallest part of it, whether it be the
thrill of seeing the clothes (shiny black and scarlet,
and the tumbled frosting of lace-edged white) or the
pounding, feinting climax. Always, too, was the laughing
offhand promise that any conquest of Gurlicks
would be such a peak, or a higher one; let him
wallow in his dream because he loved it, but let him
understand also that it was only one of many, the
symbol of any, the quality of all.
The warrior Mbala caught his thief perhaps an hour
after he fell asleep squatting in the inky shadows of
the astralagus vetch which encircled his yam patch.
His assegai had fallen across his legs, and he was
deep in that vulnerable torpor taught him by fear
and weariness, so perhaps it really was the shade of
his father, watching over the yam garden, who made
the capture. Or that other powerful ghost man call
Justice. Whatever the instrument, the thief walked
out of the yam patch in the impenetrable dark and
stepped so close to the sleeping warrior that his foot
landed under the horizontal butt of Mbalas assegai.
His other foot swung past the end of the shaft, and
the first foot left the ground and caught the spear
with its instep. The thief went flat on his face and the
assegai snapped up and with great enthusiasm rapped
Mbala painfully on the bridge of the nose.
Gurlick lay hooded and unaware, passive under the
submicroscopic manipulations of the machine which
brought his special membership in the Medusa to his
seed. So he did not observe the change in the mighty
operations around him, when the egg-laying snail-gaited
miners drew in and darkened the snouts of
light, and fell neatly apart to have their substance
incorporated in other, more needed machines; and
these in turn completed their special tasks and segmented
and dispersed to others which still needed
them, until at last there remained only the long-necked,
tank-treaded, trumpet-headed ones, and
enough silver spheres to carry them, in their multithousands,
to their precisely mapped destinations.
There was no provision for failure, for there would
be no failure. The nature of the electroencephalograph, and
of its traces, clearly showed to the transcendent science of
the Medusa exactly what was
lacking in the average mind which kept it from being
a common mind. The net would be comparatively
simple to cast and draw shut, for it found the potent
base of the hive mentality alive and awaiting it,
showing itself wherever humans blindly moved in
the paths of other humans, purely because other
humans so moved; wherever friends apart impulsively
sat down to write one another simultaneous
letters, wherever men in groups (cartels, committees,
mobs, and nations) divided their intelligence by
their numbers and let that incredible quotient chart
their course. The possible or probable nature of a
human hive, once (re)established, was a question
hardly explored, because it was hardly important.
Once united, humanity would join the Medusa, because the
Medusa always (not almost, not in virtually every case,
but always) infused the hives it touched.
Sharon Brevix squatted on the dry part of a stony
stream bed, dying. It was the second night, and she
hadnt come to the ocean or a city or any people at
all. Billy had told her that lost people just have to find a
river and go downstream and theyll be all right,
because all the rivers flow into the sea and theres
always a town or people there. She had started downstream as soon as it was light on the first morning. It
never occurred to her to stay where she was until she
heard a car, because she must certainly still be near
the road, and a car had to come by eventually. She
did not reason that when she traveled the stream
bed for the first hour and it did not bring her to the
road, it must therefore be leading her away from it.
Just another rash of saucer-sightings, thought the few
observers, and recipients of their observations, in
the brief minutes left to them to think as they had
always thought. Some of the military had, in these
minutes, a harrowing perplexity. Anything tracked at
such speeds as the radars reported, must, with small
variations, appear somewhere along an extrapolated
path; the higher the speed, the finer the extrapolation.
The few recordings made of the flick and flash
of these objects yielded flight-paths on which the
objects simply did not appear. It was manifestly impossible
for them to check and drop straight to their
destinations at such velocities; they did, however,
and before the theoreticians could finish their redefinition
of impossible, they and all their co-workers,
colleagues, acquaintances, cohabitants, heirs and assigns were
relieved of the necessity to calculate. It
happened so quickly, one minute a heterogenous
mass of seething noncommunicants; the next, the
end of Babel.
Henry, five years old, slept as usual flat on his
back and face straight up, arms rigid, fists clenched
under, and pinned down by his buttocks, and his
ankles together. He was having a nightmare, soundlessly,
of being surrounded by gentle smiling fathers,
some of whom wore the masks of the other kids in
his class, and storekeepers, and passing puppy dogs,
but who were really just smiling fathers, dressed up
and being gentle at the very verge of exploding in his
face; and between him and all the fathers was a
loving goddess with soft hands full of forbidden lollipops and raisin-bread peanut-butter sandwiches to
be passed to little boys in the dark when they had
been sent to bed without their suppers because they
were little cowards; this goddess was there to care
for him and protect him, but when the explosion
came, with this breath or the next or the one after,
the puppies and children and grocers and fathers
would whisk through to him as if the goddess werent
there at all; and while they did what they would do
to him, she would still be there smiling and ready
with guilty lollipops, not knowing what the fathers
were doing to him... And under this nightmare
was the color of hopelessness, the absolute certainty
that to awake from it would be to emerge into it; the
dream and the world were one now, fused and
identical.
These were people, these are anecdotes, dwelt upon
for their several elements of the extraordinary. But
each man alive has such a story, unique unto himself,
of what is in him and of its molding by the
forces around him, and of his interpretations of those
forces. Here a man sees a machine as a god, and
there a man sees God as an argument; and another
uses mens argument quite as if it were a tool, a
machine of his own. For all his ability to work in
concert with his fellows, and to induce some sympathy
in their vibrations, man remains isolated; no one
knows exactly how another feels. At the very climax
of sensation, man approaches unconsciousness...
unconsciousness of what? Why, of all around him;
never of himself.
He stood motionless with the girl in his arms, ready
to put her down on the sofa; and then, without a
start, without a word of wonderment, Paul Sanders
set her on her feet and stood supporting her with a
firm arm around her shoulders until her head cleared
and she could stand alone.
From his soundless nightmare, Henry soundlessly
awoke. He slid out of bed and trotted out of his
room, past his parents open doorthey were awake,
but he said nothing, and if they saw him, they said
nothing either. Henry padded down the stairs and
out into the warm night. He turned downtown at a
dog-trot, and ran for three blocks south, one west,
and two south. He may or may not have noticed that
while the traffic lights still operated, they were no
longer obeyed by anyone, including himself. Uncannily,
cars and pedestrians set their courses and their
speeds and held them, regardless of blind corners,
passing and repassing each other without incident
and with no perceptible added effort.
The entire village population, with Mbala and Nuyu
at their head and the witch doctor following, were
within two hundred yards of Mbalas yam patch when
the thing come down from the sky. It was broad
daylight here, so the ghostly-luminous moonlit effect
was missing; but the shape of the projector as it
dangled by invisible bonds from the sphere was unprecedented
enough to bring a gasp of astonishment
and fear from the villagers. Mbala stopped and bowed
down and called his fathers name, and all the people
followed suit.
Elephants were used in Berlin, too, on the machine
which landed in the park near the famous zoo,
though this was a more disciplined performance by
trained animals who did exactly as they were told. In
China a projector squatted in a cleft in the mountains
under a railroad trestle, and began hooting into the
wind. An old nomad with arthritis hobbled out of the
rocks and pulled two spikes, shifted one rail. A half
mile down the track, the engineer and fireman of a
locomotive pulling a combination passenger-freight
train with over four hundred people aboard, wordlessly
left their posts, climbed back over the tender, and
uncoupled the locomotive from the first car. There
was, on the instant, a man at every handwheel on
the train. It coasted to a stop, while far ahead the
locomotive thundered over the edge of the trestle
and was crushing the projector before the alien
machine could move a foot.
I am Guido, walking the back ways and the dark
paths leading out of the city, to a place where this
glossy glory of a violin can make itself known to me.
No human soul will hear me coax a squeak out of it,
or I will kill him for knowing of it. I will kill anyone
who harms it, or who tries to take it from me. This
city will no longer know Guido or see Guido, and it
must get along for a while without Guidos small
protests against music. Against music... Listen
now, someone is singing under the sliver of moon,
far away, a little drunk... No, God, thats the shift
whistle at the auto place. Now wait, wait, stop and
listen...
Sharon Brevix thought, I can see all over the world.
And she thought, Theyve found me.
There she stands the water beading her bright body
her head to one side the water sparking off her hair,
she smiles, says All Right Handsome What Are You
Going To Do About It?
Full of wonder, the human hive contemplated itself
and its works, its gains, its losses and its new nature.
First, there was the intercommunicationa thing
so huge, so different, that few minds could previously have imagined it. No analogy could suffice;
no concepts of infinite telephone exchanges, or multi-side-band
receivers, could hint at the quality of that
gigantic cognizance. To describe it in terms of its
complexity would be as impossibleand as purblindas
an attempt to describe fine lace by a description of
each of its threads. It had, rather, texture. Your
memory, and his and his, and hers over the horizons
shoulderall your memories are mine. More: your
personal orientation in the framework of your own
experiences, your I-in-the-past, is also mine. More:
your skills remain your own (is great music made less
for being shared?) but your sensitivity to your special
subject is mine now, and your pride in your excellence is mine
now. More: though bound to the organism, Mankind, as never
before, I am I as never
before. When Man has demands on me, I am totally
dedicated to Mans purpose. Otherwise, within the
wide, wide limits of mankinds best interests, I am as
never before a free agent; I am I to a greater degree,
and with less obstruction from within and without,
than ever before possible. For gone, gone altogether
are individual mans hosts of pests and devils, which
in strange combinations have plagued us all in the
past: the They-dont-want-me devil, the Suppose-they-find-out devil, the twin imps of They-are-lying-to-me and They-are-trying-to-cheat-me; gone, gone
is Im-afraid-to-try, and They-wont-let-me, and
I-couldnt-be-loved-if-they-knew.
Gurlick, alone of humans insulated from the human
hive, member of another, sensed none of this. Driven,
hungry through a whole spectrum of appetites, full of
resentment, he shuffled through the woods. He had
been vaguely aware of the outskirts of a town not far
from where the silver sphere had set him down; he
would, he supposed, find what he wanted there,
though wanting it was the only thing quite clear to
him. How he was to get it was uncertain; but get it
he must. He was aware of the presence within him of
the Medusa, observing, computing, butnot directing,
cognizant as it was of the fact that the fine
details of such an operation must be left to the species
itself. Had it had its spheres and other machines
available, there might have been a great deal it could
do to assist Gurlick. But nowhe was on his own.
So ended humanity within its planetary limits; so
ended the self-contained, self-aware species-hive which
had for such a brief time been able to feel, to the
ends of its earth, its multifarious self. The end came
some hours after the helicopterthe same one which
had set her down by the pondhad come for Salomé
Carmichael, which it had the instant Gurlick quit the
scene. Gurlick had seen it from where he crouched
guiltily in the bushes. After it had gone away he
slowly climbed to his feet and made his way back to
the pond. He hunkered down with his back to a tree
and regarded the scene unwinkingly.
What can travel faster than light?
So too ended Gurlick, the isolated, alone among
humankind denied membership in the fusion of humans,
full of a steaming fog, aglow with his flickerings of
hate and the soft shine of corruption, member
of something other than humankind. For while humanity
had been able to read him (and his dream)
and herd him through the forest to its fulfillment, it
had never been able to reach his consciousness,
blocked as it was by the thoughtlines of the Medusa.
The rain began in earnest. Gurlicks exaltation faded,
his shoulders hunched, his head went down. He
slogged through the wet, and soon sank to his usual
level of feral misery. And there he stayed for a while.
Chapter 2
Paul considered this an outright challenge, but he
kept his distance and bided his time. When the
water-cooler reported that her husbands ship had
come off second best in a bout with the Great Barrier
Reef, and had limped to Hobart, Tasmania, for repairs,
Paul decided that the day was upon him. He
stated as much in the locker room and got good
odds11 to 2and somebody to hold the money. It
was, as a matter of fact, one of the suckers who gave
him the cue for the single strategic detail which so
far escaped him. He had the time (Saturday night),
the place (obviously her apartment, since she wouldnt
go out) and the girl. All he had to figure out was how
to put himself on the scene, and when one of the
suckers said, Nobody gets into that place but a
for-real husband or a sick kitten, he had the
answer. This girl had cried when one of the bosss
tropical fish was found belly-up one morning. She
had rescued a praying mantis from an accountant
who was flailing it against the window with the morning
Times, and after she let the little green monster
out, she had then rescued the accountants opinion of
himself with a comforting word and a smile that put
dazzle-spots all over his work for the rest of the
afternoon. Let her be sorry for you, and...
So on Saturday night, late enough so he would
meet few people in the halls, but early enough so
she wouldnt be in bed yet, Paul Sanders stopped for
a moment by a mirror in the hallway of her apartment
house, regarded his rather startling appearance
approvingly, winked at it, and then went to her door
and began rapping softly and excitedly. He heard
soft hurrying footsteps behind the door and began to
breathe noisily, like someone trying not to sob.
Who is it? Whats the matter?
Please, he moaned against the panel, please,
please, Mrs. Dunsay, help me!
She immediately opened the door a peering inch.
Oh, thank God, he breathed and pushed hard. She
sprang back with her hands on her mouth and he slid
in and closed the door with his back. She was indeed
ready for bed, as he had hardly dared to hope. The
robe was a little on the sensible side, but what he
could see of the gown was fine, just fine. He said
hoarsely, Dont let them get me. Dont let them get
me!
Mr. Sanders! Then she came closer, comforting,
cheering. No ones going to get you. You come on
in and sit down until its safe for you. Oh, she cried
as he let his coat fall open, to reveal the shaggy rip
and the bloodstain, youre hurt!
He gazed dully at the scarlet stain. Then he flung
up his head and set his features in an approximation
of those of the Spartan boy who denied all knowledge of a stolen fox while the fox, hidden under his
toga, ate his entrails until he dropped dead. He
pulled his coat straight and buttoned it and smiled
and said, Just a scratch. Then he sagged, caught
the doorknob behind him, straightened up, and again
smiled. It was devastating.
Oh, oh, come and sit down, she cried. He leaned
heavily on her but kept his hands decent, and she
got him to the sofa. She helped him off with his coat
and the shirt. It was indeed only a scratch, laboriously applied with the tips of his nail scissors, but it
was real, and she didnt seem to find the amount of
blood too remarkable. A couple of ccs swiped from
the plasma lab goes a long way on a white sport shirt.
He lay back limp and breathing shallowly while
she flew to get scissors and bandages and warm
water in a bowl, and averted his face from the light
until she considerately turned it out in favor of a dim
end-table lamp, and then he started the routine of
not telling her his story because it was too bad...
he was not fit to be here... she shouldnt know
about such things, hed been such a fool... and so
on until she insisted that he could tell her anything,
anything at all if it made him feel better. So he asked
her to drink with him before he told her because she
surely wouldnt afterward, and she didnt have
anything but some sherry, and he said that was fine. He
emptied a vial from his pocket into his drink and
managed to switch glasses with her, and when she
tasted it she frowned slightly and looked down into
the glass, but by then he was talking a blue streak, a
subdued, dark blue, convoluted streak that she must
strain to hear and puzzle to follow. In twenty minutes
he let it dwindle away to silence. She said
nothing, but sat with slightly glazed eyes on her
glass, which she held with both hands like a child
afraid of spilling. He took it away from her and set it
on the end table and took her pulse. He looked at
the glass. It wasnt empty, but shed had enough. He
moved over close to her.
How do you feel?
She took seconds to answer, and then said slowly,
I feel... Her lips opened and closed twice, and
she shook her head slightly and was silent, staring
out at him from topaz eyes gone all black.
Charlotte... Lottie... lonely little Lottie. Youre
lonesome. Youve been so alone. You need me, lil
Lottie, he crooned, watching her carefully. When
she did not move or speak, he took the sleeve of her
robe in one hand and, moving steadily and slowly,
tugged at it until her hand slipped inside. He untied
the sash with his free hand and took her arm and
drew it out of the robe. You dont need this now,
he murmured. You are warm, so warm... He
dropped the robe behind her and freed her other
hand. She seemed not to understand what he was
doing. The gown was nylon tricot, as sheer as they
come.
He drew her slowly into his arms. She raised her
hands to his chest as if to push him away but there
seemed to be no strength in them. Her hand came
forward until her cheek rested softly against his. She
spoke into his ear quietly, without any particular
force or expression. I mustnt do this with you,
Paul. Dont let me. Harry is the... theres never
been anyone but him, there never must be. Im...
somethings happened to me. Help me, Paul. Help
me. If I do it with you I cant live any move; Im
going to have to die if you dont help me now. She
didn t accuse him in any way. Not once.
Paul Sanders sat quite still and silent. It wasnt
easy. But sometimes when you rush things they snap
out of it, groggy, even sick, but nonetheless out of it,
and then thats all, brother... After a silent time
he felt what he had been waiting for, the slow,
subsiding shiver, and the sigh. He waited for it again
and it came.
The blood pounded in his ears. Well, boy, if it
isnt now it never will be.
Chapter 3
It was in this truck, two days after his encounter
with the dog and the hamburger, that he was awakened from
a deep sleep by... call it the Medusa.
He had not been having his dream of the pile of
clothes by the bank of the pool, and of how he would
sit by them and wait, and then of how she would
appear out there in the water, splashing and humming and
not knowing he was there. Yet. This morning there seemed
not to be room in his head for the
dream nor for anything else, including its usual contents.
He made some grunts and a moan, and ground
his stubby yellow teeth together, and rolled up to a
sitting position and tried to squeeze his pressured
head back into shape from the outside. It didnt
seem to help. He bent double and used his knees
against his temples to squeeze even harder, and that
didnt help either.
The head didnt hurt exactly. And it wasnt what
Gurlick occasionally called a crazy head. On the
contrary, it seemed to contain a spacious, frigid, and
meticulous balance, a thing lying like a metrical lesion on the inner surface of his mind. He felt himself
capable of looking at the thing, but, for all that it was
in his head, it existed in a frightening direction, and
at first he couldnt bring himself to look that way.
But then the thing began to spread and grow, and in
a few rocking, groaning moments there wasnt
anything in his head but the new illumination, this
opening casement which looked out upon two galaxies and part of a third, through the eyes and minds of
countless billions of individuals, cultures, hives, gaggles, prides, bevies, braces, herds, races, flocks and
other kinds and quantities of sets and groupings,
complexes, systems and pairings for which the language has as yet no terms; living in states liquid,
solid, gaseous and a good many others with combinations and permutations among and between: swimming, flying, crawling, burrowing, pelagic, rooted,
awash; and variously belegged, ciliated and bewinged;
with consciousness which could be called the skulk-mind, the crash-mind, the paddle-, exaltation-, spring-,
or murmuration-mind, and other minds too numerous, too difficult or too outrageous to mention. And
over all, the central consciousness of the creature
itself (though central is misleading; the hive-mind
is permeative)the Medusa, the galactic man o war,
the superconscious of the illimitable beast, of which
the people of a planet were here a nerve and there
an organ, where entire cultures were specialized
ganglia; the creature of which Gurlick was now a
member and a part, for all he was a minor atom in a
simple molecule of a primitive cellthis mighty
consciousness became aware of Gurlick and he of it.
He let himself regard it just long enough to know it
was there, and then blanked ten elevenths of his
mind away from the very idea. If you set before
Gurlick a page of the writings of Immanuel Kant, he
would see it; he might even be able to read a number of
the words. But he wouldnt spend any time or
effort over it. He would see it and discard it from his
attention, and if you left it in front of him, or held it
there, he would see without looking and wait for it to
go away.
Now, in its seedings, the Medusa had dropped its
wrinkled milt into many a fantastic fossa. And if one
of those scattered spores survived at all, it survived
in, and linked with, the person and the species in
which it found itself. If the host-integer were a fish,
then a fish it would remain, acting as a fish, thinking
as a fish; and when it became a person (which is
what biologists call the individual polyps which make
up the incredible colonies we call hydromedusae), it
would not put away fishly things. On the contrary, it
was to the interest of the Medusa that it keep its
manifold parts specialized in the media in which they
had evolved; the fish not only remained a fish, but in
many cases might become much more so. Therefore
in inducting Gurlick into itself, he remainedjust
Gurlick. What Gurlick saw of the Medusas environment(s)
he would not look at. What the Medusa
sensed was only what Gurlick could sense, and (regrettably
for our pride of species) Gurlick himself. It
could not, as might be supposed, snatch out every
particle of Gurlicks information and experience, nor
could it observe Gurlicks world in any other way
than through the mans own eye and mind. Answers
there might be, in that rotted repository, to the
questions the Medusa asked, but they were unavailable until
Gurlick himself formulated them. This had
always been a slow process with him. He thought
verbally, and his constructions were put together at
approximately oral speed. The end effect was extraordinary;
the irresistible demands came arrowing
into him from immensity, crossing light-years with
considerably less difficulty than it found in traversing
Gurlicks thin tough layer of subjective soft-focus,
of not-caring, not-understanding-not-wanting-to-understand.
But reach him they did, the mighty union of
voice with which the super-creature conveyed ideas...
and were answered in Gurlicks own time, in his
own way, and aloud in his own words.
And so it was that this scrubby, greasy, rotten-toothed
near-illiterate in the filthy clothes raised his
face to the dim light, and responded to the demand-for-audience
of the most majestic, complex, resourceful and potent
intellect in all the known universe:
Okay, okay. So whaddaya want?
He was not afraid. Incredible as this might seem,
it must be realized that he was now a member, a
person of the creature; part of it. It no more occurred to him to fear it than a finger might fear a
rib. But at the same time his essential Gurlickness
was intactor, as has been pointed out, possibly
more so. So he knew that something he could not
comprehend wanted to do something through him of
which he was incapable, and would unquestionably
berate him because it had not been done...
But this was Gurlick! This kind of thing could hold
no fears and no surprises for Gurlick. Bosses, cops,
young drunks and barkeeps had done just this to
Gurlick all his life! And Okay, okay! So whaddaya
want? was his invariable response not only to a
simple call but also, and infuriatingly, to detailed
orders. They had then to repeat their orders, or
perhaps they would throw up their hands and walk
away, or kick him and walk away. More often than
not the demand was disposed of, whatever it was, at
this point, and that was worth a kick any time.
The Medusa would not give up. Gurlick would not
listen, and would not listen, and... had to listen,
and took the easiest way out, and subsided to resentful
seethingas always, as ever for him. It is doubtful
that anyone else on earth could have found himself
so quickly at home with the invader. In this very
moment of initial contact, he was aware of the old
familiar response of anyone to a first encounter with
hima disgusted astonishment, a surge of unbelief,
annoyance, and dawning frustration.
So whaddaya want?
The Medusa told him what it wanted, incredulously, as one
explaining the utter and absolute obvious, and drew a blank
from Gurlick. There was a moment of disbelief, and then a
forceful repetition of the demand.
And Gurlick still did not understand.
Chapter 4
And I am looking back because of Massoni, what
he has done. Massoni who will never catch me, has
locked me into his house, never knowing I am here.
While he goes to all the places I live, all the places I
bide, I come straight here to his own house because
he is not so clever as I am and will never dream I am
here. Perhaps I shall steal from him and perhaps I
shall kill him. Massonis house was part of a
fortification in the war, so they say, concrete walls and an
iron door and little slits for windows on two sides of
the single room. But at the back, where the house is
buried in the hill, is plywood, and a panel is loose.
Behind is space to climb. Above the room is a flat
ceiling; above that a slanted roof, so there is a small
space that I, Guido, would think of and he, the
clever (but not clever enough) Massoni could live
with for years and never suspect. I come here. I find
the iron door unlocked. I slip in. I find the loose
panel, the climbing space, the dark high hole to hide
in, the crack to look through at the room of Massoni.
There is time. It is I, Guido, he is looking for and
will look in many places before he comes back tired.
And he comes, and he is tired indeed, falling onto
his bed with his overcoat on. It is nearly dark and I
can see him staring up and I know he is thinking,
Where is that Guido? And I know he is also thinking
(because he talks this way), If I could understand
that Guido I could be there before he breaks the legs
of another beggar, smashes the stained glass of another church, sets another fire in another print
shop... If Massoni says this aloud I shall laugh
aloud, because Massoni does not understand Guido
and never will; because what Guido does once, Guido
will never do again, so that nobody knows where
Guido strikes next.
He sighs, he tightens his lips in the dimness,
shakes his head hard. He is thinking. And though he
must make a mistake some day, that is not good
enough. If one knew, if one could understand why,
one could predict, one could be there at the timebefore
the time, waiting for him.
He will never understand, never predict, and never,
never be there when Guido strikes. Because Massoni
cannot understand anything as simple as this: that I
am Guido, and I hate because I am Guido, and I
break and maim and destroy because I am Guidobecause
that is reason enough. Massoni is afraid because Massoni is
a policeman. His life is studying
things as they are, and making them into what they
should be. But... he is not like other policemen.
He is a detective policeman, without the bright buttons and
the stick. The other policemen catch breakers
of laws so they may be punished. Some catch
them and punish them too. Massoni likes to say he
stops the criminal before there is a crime. Massoni is
indeed not like the other police. They understand, as
I understand, that a crime without witnesses and
without clues is not the affair of the police, and that
is why they shrug and try to forget the things Guido
does. Massoni does not forget. Worse, Massoni knows
which are Guidos acts and which are not. When the
acid was put in the compressor tank at the bus garage and
caused the ruin of sixty-one tires, everyone
thought it was Guidos work. Massoni knew it was
not; four different people told me what he said. He
said it was not the kind of ruin Guido would make.
This is why I hide. I never hid before. Eleven times
I am arrested and set free, for no clues, no witnesses.
I walk in the daytime and I laugh. But now Massoni
knows which things I do and which I do not. I do not
know how he knows that, so I hide. They are all
enemies, every one, but this Massoni, he is my first
and greatest enemy. They all want to catch me,
after; Massoni wants to stop me, before. All the rest
are making me a plague, a legend, capable of anything; Massoni
credits me only with what I do, and
saysand saysthat I did not do this, I could not do
that. Massoni makes me small. Massoni follows everywhere, is
behind me; he is beginning to be at my
side too often; he will be ahead of me waiting soon, if
I do not take care... by himself he will surround
me. I am Guido and I do not underestimate real
danger. I am Guido, who looks and talks and behaves like any
other seventeen (I think) year old,
who fills the belly yesterday and today, and possibly
tomorrow, any way he can, like all the others...
but who knows there is more in life than the belly;
there is the hating to be done and too short a life to
do it all if I live to be a hundred and ten; there is
ruin to do, breaking hurting silencing most of all
silencing... silencing their honks and scrapes and
everlasting singing.
Massoni, lying on his bed in his overcoat, sighs
and rolls over and sits up. From there he can reach
the little kerosene stove to light it. When the flame
is blue, he sighs, yawns, lifts the kettle to shake it
and put it back on the fire. He gets up slowly, walks
as if his shoes are too heavy, opens the cabinet, lifts
out a
No! Oh... no!
lifts out a portable phonograph, sets it on the
table, strokes it like a cat, opens it, takes out crank,
fits it in, winds it up. Goes to cabinet again, takes a
record, looks, another, another, finds one and brings
it to the machine
Not now, not now, Massoni, or you will die in a
slow way Guido will plan for you.
puts it on, puts the needle down, and again it
begins, oh why, why, why is everyone in this accursed country forever making music, hearing music,
walking from one music to another and humming
music while they walk? Why can Massoni not make a
pot of coffee without this? It is the one thing I,
Guido, cannot bear... and I must bear it now...
and I cannot... Ah, look at the fool, swinging his
hand, nodding his head, he who was too tired to
move not ninety seconds ago; it is as if he drew
some substitute for sleep from it, and I do believe all
these fools can do it, with their dancing half the
night and singing the rest... Why, why must they
have music? Why must Massoni make it now, when I
am trapped up here hiding and cannot stop it and
cannot stand it...
Oh look, look at him now, what is he taking from
under the bed... surely not a... Oh it is, it is, its
a violin, its that horror of shingles and catgut and
the hair of horses tails, and he, and he...
I will not listen, I will wrap my arms around my
head, I... He goes now, sawing at the thing, and
the caterwauling starts and I cant keep him out of
my head!...
He plays a lot of notes, this policeman. A lot of
notes. He plays with the record, note for note with
the swift fall of notes from the machine.
I look at last. His feet are apart, his chin couched
on the ebony rest, his eyes half asleep, face quiet,
left fingers running like an insect. His whole body... not sways... turns a little, turns back, turned
by the music. His right hand with the bow is very... wide, and free. His whole body is... free in a
way, like... flying... But this I cannot stand! I
will
He has stopped.
The record is finished. He turns it over, sets down
the violin on the table, winds the crank, puts on the
needle again. I hold my breath, I will roar, I will
scream if... But he is looking at the kettle, he is at
the cabinet, he is fetching a cookpot, a big can with a
cover. Opens. Empty. He is sighing. He goes to
phonograph (stop it, stop it), he stops itonly to
start it over again at the beginning. He takes the big
can, he
He goes out.
Locking the door.
I am alone with this shriek of music, the violin
staring up at me from its two long twisted slits.
I can run away now. Can I...?
He has locked the door. Iron door in concrete wall.
And he has left his overcoat. He has left the record
playing. He has left the fire in the little stove, the
water about to boil on it.
He will be right back then. No time for me to pick
that lock and go. I must stay here hidden and hear
that gabble of music and look down at that violin,
and wait, oh my God, and wait.
This country has music through its blood and bones
like a disease, and a man cannot draw in a breath of
air that isnt a-thrum with it. You can break the legs
of a singing beggar and stop his music, you can burn
the printing presses and the stacks of finished paper
bearing the fly-specks and chicken-tracks by which
men read the music, and still it does not stop; you
can throw a brick through the shining window of a
shrine and the choir practicing inside will stop, but
even as you slip away in the dark you hear a woman
singing to a brat, and around the corner some brainless
fumbler is tinkling a mandolin...
Ah, God curse that screeching record! What madness could
possess what gibbering lunatic to set down
such a series of squeaks and stutters? I do not know.
(I will not know.) Once he did it, it should have
killed him, that mish-mash of noises, but they are all
mad, the Frenchmen, all lunatics to begin with, and
can be excused for calling it a good Italian name.
Massoni, Massoni, come back and quiet this bellowing
box of yours or I shall surely come down in spite
of all safety and good sense and smash it along with
that grinning fiddle! To be caught, to be caught at
last... it might be worth it, for a moments peace
and a breath of air undrenched by the Rondo
Capriccioso.
I bite my tongue until I grunt from the pain.
I do not know what they call it, that music; cannot,
will not know!
Someone laughs.
I open my throat, to be silent, breathing like this,
breathing like running up a kilometer of steps...
the door moves. It is Massoni. I will kill him very
soon now. It may be that for one man to dry up the
music in this country is like drying up the River Po
with a spoon, but oh, this one drop of music, this
Massoni, surely I will scoop him up and scatter him
on the bank; for if I hate (and I do), and if I hate the
gurgling men call music (and I do), and if I hate
policemen (and before God I do that) then in all the
world I hate this maestro-detective most of all, aside
and apart and above all other things. Now I know I
have been a child, with my breaking here, wrecking
there. Guido will be Guido after this killing,
so now But the door swings open and I see Massoni is not
alone, and I sink down again quiet, and watch.
He is bringing a child, an eight-year-old boy with
a dirty pale face and eyes shiny-black as that damned
record. They both stop as the door swings shut and
listen to it, both their silly mouths agape as if they
each tried to make another ear of it to hear better.
And now Massoni puts down the covered can and
snatches up the violin; now again he makes the chatter and yammer of notes fly up at me, along with the
violin on the record, and the boy watches, slowly
moving his hands together until they hold each other,
slowly making his eyes round. Massonis face sleeps
while the one hand swoops, the other crawls, then
for a moment he looks down at the boy and winks
at him and smiles a little and lets the face doze
off again, playing notes the way a hose throws
water-drops.
Then like slipping into warmth out of the snow,
like the sudden taste of new bread to the starving, a
silence falls over the room and I slump, weak and
wet with sweat.
The boy whispers, Ah-h-h, Signor Massoni,
ah-h-h...
Massoni puts down the violin and touches it with
his fingertips, as if it were the hair of a beloved
instead of a twisted box with a long handle on it,
says, But Vicente, its easy you know.
Easy for you, Signor...
Massoni laughs. He gets covered can, opens. Puts
ground coffee into cookpot, pours in boiling water,
sets kettle aside, puts cookpot on stove, lowers flame,
stirs with long spoon, talks.
I lie limp, wet in the dark, smelling the coffee,
watching them.
Massoni says, smiling, Yes if you like, easy for
me, impossible for you. But it will be easy for you,
Vicente. You have two lessons nowtonight, three,
and already what you do is easy for you. When you
have been playing for as many years as I have, you
will not play as well as I; you will play better; you
will not be good, you will be great.
No, Signer, I could never
Massoni laughs and sweeps away the black bubbles on
his coffee with his spoon. He lifts it off the
burner and turns out the flame, and sets the pot on
the table to settle. Says, I tell you, small one, I
know what is good and what is great and what is
hopeless. I know better than anybody. I am a policeman,
glad of what I do, and not a good violinist
eating out my heart wanting greatness, because I
know what greatness is. Take up the violin, Vicente.
Go on, take it.
The boy takes the violin from the table and sets
the ebony under his cheek and chin. He is afraid of it
and he is past speech, and on him the violin looks
the size of a cello.
There, Massoni says, there before you play a
note, it is to be seen. Your feet placed so, to balance
you when your music tilts the world. Your chest full
like the beginning of a great voice which will be
heard all over the earth. Throat, chin, belonging to
the violin and it grown to you... Put up the bow,
Vicente, but dont play yet. Ah... there is what the
violinist calls the Auer arm, and you in your eighth
year, your third lesson! Now put the violin down
again, boy, and sit, and we will talk while I have my
coffee. I have embarrassed you.
I, Guido, watch from above with the bitter black
wonder of the coffee smell pressing deep in the
bridge of my nose, watch the child put down the
violin exquisitely, like some delicate thing sleeping
lightly. He sits before Massoni, who has poured a
little coffee and much milk for him in a large cup,
and is ladling in sugar like an American.
Massoni drinks his black and looks through the
steam at the boy, says, Vincente, such a gift as yours
is a natural thing and you must never feel you are
different because of it... there are those who will
try to make it so; pity them if you like, but do not
listen to them. A man with talent eats, sweats, and
cares for his children like any other. And if talent is a
natural thing, remember that water is also, and fire,
and wind; therefore flood and holocaust and hurricane
are as natural as talent, and can consume and
destroy you... You do not understand me, Vicente?
Then... I shall tell you a story...
There was a boy who had talent such as yours, or
greater... oh, almost certainly greater. But he had
no kind mother and father like yours, Vicente, no
home, no sisters and brother. He was one of the wild
ones who used to roam the hills after the war like
dogs. Where he was born I cannot tell you, nor how
he lived at all; perhaps some of the girls cared for
him when he was a small baby. He was a year and a
half old when he turned up at one of the UNRRA
centers, starved, ragged, filthy.
But you know what that baby could do, at a year
and a half? He could whistle. Yes, he could. He
would lie in his bundle of blankets and whistle, and
people would stop and come and cluster around him.
Perhaps if this happened today he would be cared
for just for this one thing. But then, all was confusion;
he was put with one family where the man
died, and then into an orphanage which burned:
these were unhappy accidents, but purely accidents.
They could not quench the thing that was in him.
Before he was three he knew a thousand melodies;
he could sing words he did not understand, before
he could speak; he could whistle the themes of any
music he had once heard. He was full of music, that
boy, full to bursting.
(Above, listening, I, Guido, thought, now Massoni,
who is filling you with such fairy-tales as this?)
Massoni puts his hands around the big cup as if to
warm them, searches down into the black liquid as if
to find more of his story, says, Now a natural thing
like talent, like pure cool mountain water, if you put
it in a closed place, cover it tight, set a fire under it,
nothing happens, and nothing happens, and nothing... until blam! it breaks the prison and comes out.
But what comes out is no longer pure cool kind
water, but a blistering devil ready to scald, soak,
smash whatever is near enough. You have changed
it, you see, by what you have done to it.
So. There is this small boy, three or four years
old, with more music than blood in his body. And
then something happens. He is taken into the family
of a Corfu shepherd and not seen for six years. When
we next hear of him he is a devil, just such a blistering devil as that gout of tortured mountain water.
But he is not a jet of water, he is a human being; his
explosion is not over in a second, but is to go on for
years.
Something has happened to him in the shepherds
house in those six years, something which put
the cover down tight over what was in him, and
heated it up.
Vicente, the boy, asks, What was it?
Massoni says nothing for a long time, and then
says he doesnt know. Says, I mean to find out some
day... if I can. The shepherd is dead now, the wife
disappeared, the other children gone, perhaps dead
too. They lived alone in a rocky place, without neighbors,
fishing and herding sheep and perhaps other
things... anyway, they are gone. All but this unhappy demon of a boy.
(I, Guido, feel a flash of rage. Whos unhappy?)
Massoni says, So you see what can happen if a
talent big enough is held back hard enough.
Vicente, the boy, says, You mean to live apart
from all music did such a thing to this child?
Massoni shakes his head, says, No, that would
not be enough by itself. It must have been something moresomething that was done to him, and
done so thoroughly that this has happened.
What things does he do?
Cruel, vicious things. They say meaningless things;
but they are not meaningless. He beat an old beggar
one night and broke his legs. He set fire to a print
shop. He cut the hydraulic brake tube on a parked
bus. He threw a big building-stone through the stained
glass of St. Anthonys. He destroyed the big loud-speaker
over the door of a phonograph shop with the
handle of a broom. And there are dozens of small
things, meaningless until one realizes the single thread
that runs through them all. Knowing that, one can
understand why he does these things (though not
why he wants to). One can also know, in the long list
of small crimes, cruelties and ruinations a city like
this must write each day, each week, which are done
by this unfortunate boy and which are not.
Has no one seen him? asks Vicente.
Hardly. He took a toy from a child and smashed
it under his foot, and we got a description; but it was
a five-year-old child, it was after dark, it happened
very quickly; it was not evidence enough to hold
him. There was a witness when he wrecked the
loud-speaker, and when he pushed a porters
luggage-truck on to the tracks at the railroad station, but
again it was dark, fast, confused; the witnesses
argued with one another and he went free. He moves
like the night wind, appears everywhere, strikes when
he is safe and the act is unexpected.
(Ah now, Massoni, you are beginning to tell the
truth.)
The boy Vincente wants to know how one may be
sure all these things are really the work of this one
boy.
Massoni says, It is the thread that runs through
all his acts. In the shrine, St. Anthonys, a choir was
practicing. The toy he smashed was a harmonica. On
the luggage truck were instrument cases, a trombone
and a flügelhorn. The damaged bus carried members
of an orchestra and their instruments (and a driver
who had his wits about him, tried his brakes even as
he began to move, or all might have been killed).
The destruction of the loud-speaker speaks for itself.
Always something about music, something against
music.
The beggar?
A mad old man who sang all the time. You see?
Ah, says the boy Vicente sadly.
Yes, it is a sad thing. If music angers him so, his
days and his nights must be a furnace of fury, living
as he does in the most musical land on earth, with
every voice, whistle, bell, each humming, singing,
plunking, tinkling man, woman and child reaching
him with music... music reaches him, you see, as
nothing can reach you and me, Vicente; it reaches
him more than rain; it splashes on his heart and
bones... Ah, forgive me, forgive me, boy; I am
using your lesson time on a matter of police business.
Yetit is not time wasted, if you gain from it
something about the nature of talent, and how so
natural a thing can break a block of stone to thrust
one tender shoot into the sun, as you have seen a
grass-blade do. And remember, too, that a great
talent is not a substitute for work. A man of small
skill, or even good skill like mine, must practice until
his fingers bleed to bring his talent to flower; but if
your talent is great, why then you must work even
harder. The stronger the growth, the more tangled it
can become; we want you to make a tall tree and not
a great wide bramble-patch. Now enough of talk.
Take up the violin.
...So again I Guido descended into hell, while
Massoni coaxes and goads the boy who goads and
coaxes the instrument to scratch, squawk, squeak
and weep. In between noises is advice and learning:
A little higher with the bow arm, Vicenteso; now
if there is a board resting on wrist, elbow, shoulder,
I may set a brimming glass there and never spill.
And to this level you must always return....
Na, na, get the left elbow away from the body, Vicente.
Nobody scrunches up arm and fingers that way to
play... except Joseph Szigeti of course, and you are
not going to be the second Szigeti but the first Vicente
Pandori.
From my hole in the ceiling I Guido watch, and
then strangely cease to watch... as if watching was
a thing to do, to try to do and a thing I could do or
not do... and as if I ceased trying to do this thing and
became instead something not-alive, like a great gaping
street-sewer, letting everything pour into me. A
few minutes ago I am ready to shout, to come out, to
killanything to stop this agony. Now I am past
that. I am beaten into a kind of unconsciousness...
no; a sleep of the will; the consciousness is open and
awake as never before. Along with it a kind of blindness
with the eyes seeing. I see, but I am past
seeing, past understanding what I see. I do not see
them finish. I do not see them go. I am, after a long
time, aware of what seems to be the sound of the
violin, when the big low G string is touched by one
single soft bounce of the bow, scraping a little under
the boys fledgling fingers. Hearing this, over and
over, I begin to see normally again and see only the
dark room with a single band of light across it from a
street-lamp outside the wide slit of window. Massoni
is gone. Vicente is gone. The violin is gone. Yet I
hear it, the soft scraping staccato, over and over.
It hurts my throat.
Hcoo... hcoo...
It hurts each time, the quiet sound, as if I am the
violin being struck softly, and being so tender, hurting
so easily, I softly cry out...
And then I understand that it is not a violin I hear;
I am sobbing up there in the dark. Enraged, I swallow
a mouthful of sour, and stop the noise.
Chapter 5
The Medusa told him what it wanted, incredulously,
as one explaining the utter and absolute obvious, and
drew a blank from Gurlick. There was a moment of disbelief,
and then a forceful repetition of the demand.
And Gurlick still did not understand. Few humans
would, for not many have made the effort to comprehend the nature of the hive-mindwhat it must be like
to have such a mind, and further, to be totally ignorant of the fact that any other kind of mind could
exist.
For in all its eons of being, across and back and
through and through the immensities of space it
occupied, the Medusa had never encountered intelligence
except as a phenomenon of the group. It was
aware of the almost infinite variations in kind and
quality of the gestalt psyche, but so fused in its
experience and comprehension were the concepts
intelligence and group that it was
genuinely incapable of regarding them as separable things. That a
single entity of any species was capable of so much as
lucid thought without the operation of group mechanisms,
was outside its experience and beyond its
otherwise near-omniscience. To contact any individual of
a species wasor had been until nowto
contact the entire species. Now, it pressed against
Gurlick, changed its angle and pressed again, paused
to ponder, came back again and, puzzling, yet again
to do the exploratory, bewildered things a man might
do faced with the opening of, and penetration through,
some artifact he did not understand. There were
tappings and listenings, and (analogously) pressures
this way and that as if to find a left-hand thread.
There were scrapings as for samples to analyze, proddings and pricks as for hardness tests, polarized rayings
as if to determine lattice structures. And in the end
there was acall it a pressure test, the procedure
one applies to clogged tubing or to oxide-shorts on
shielded wire: blow it out. Take whats supposed to
be going through and cram an excess down it.
Gurlick sat on the floor of the abandoned truck,
disinterestedly aware of the distant cerebration, computation, discussion and conjecture. A lot of gabble
by someone who knew more than he did about things
he didnt understand. Like always.
Uh!
It had been a thing without sight or sound or
touch, but it struck like all three, suffused him for a
moment with some unbearable tension, and then
receded and left him limp and shaken. Some mighty
generator somewhere had shunted in and poured its
product to him, and it did a great many things inside
him somehow; and all of them hurt, and none was
what was wanted.
He was simply not the right conduit for such a
force. He was a solid bar fitted into a plumbing
system, a jet of air tied into an electrical circuit; he
was the wrong material in the wrong place and the
output end wasnt hooked up to anything at all.
Spectacular, the degree of mystification which now
suffused the Medusa. For ages untold there had
always been some segment somewhere which could
come up with an answer to anything; now there was
not. That particular jolt of that particular force ought
to have exploded into the psyche of every rational
being on earth, forming a network of intangible,
unbreakable threads leading to Gurlick and through
him to Medusa itself. It had always happened that
waynot almost always, but always. This was how
the creature expanded. Not by campaign, attack,
siege, consolidation, conquest, but by contact and
influx. Its spores, if they encountered any life-form
which the Medusa could not control, simply did not
function. If they functioned, the Medusa flowed in.
Always.
From methane swamp to airless rock, from sun to
sun through two galaxies and part of a third flickered
the messages, sorting, combining, test-hypothesizing,
calculating, extrapolating. And these flickerings began to take on the hue of fear. The Medusa had
never known fear before.
To be thus checked meant that the irresistible
force was resisted, the indefensible was guarded.
Earth had a shield, and a shield is the very next
thing to a weapon. It was a weapon, in the Medusas
lexicon; for expansion was a factor as basic to its
existence as Deity to the religious, as breath or heart
beat to a single animal; such a factor may not, must
not be checked.
Earth suddenly became a good deal more than just
another berry for the mammoth to sweep in. Humanity now
had to be absorbed, by every measure of
principle, of gross ethic, of life.
And it must be done through Gurlick, for the
action of the spore within him was irreversible,
and no other human could be affected by it. The
chances of another being in the same sector at the
same time were too remote to justify waiting, and
Earth was physically too far from the nearest
Medusa-dominated planet to allow for an attack in force or
even an exploratory expedition, whereby expert mind
might put expert hands (or palps or claws or tentacles or cilia or mandibles) to work in the field. No, it
had to be done through Gurlick, who might bemust bemanipulated by thought emanations, which
are nonphysical and thereby exempt from physical
laws, capable of skipping across a galaxy and back
before a light-ray can travel a hundred yards.
Even while, after that blast of force, Gurlick
slumped and scrabbled dazedly after his staggering
consciousness, and as he slowly rolled over and got
to his knees, grunting and pressing his head, the
Medusa was making a thousand simultaneous computations
and setting up ten thousand more. From
the considerations of a space-traveling culture deep
in the nebula came a thought in the form of an
analogy: as a defense against thick concentrations of
cosmic dust, these creatures had designed spaceships which,
on approaching a cloud, broke up into
hundreds of small streamlined parts which would
come together and reunite when the danger was
past. Could that be what humanity had done? Had
they a built-in mechanism, like the chipmunks tail,
the sea cucumbers ejectible intestines, which would
fragment the hive-mind on contact from outside, break
it up into two and a half billion specimens like this
Gurlick?
It seemed reasonable. In its isolation as the only
logical hypothesis conceivable by the Medusa, it
seemed so reasonable as to be a certainty.
How could it be undone, then, and humanitys
total mind restored? Therein lay the Medusas answer.
Unify humanity (it thought, reunify humanity)
and the only problem left would be that of influx. If
that influx could not be done through Gurlick
directly, other ways might be found: it had never met
a hive-mind yet that it couldnt enter.
Gasping, Gurlick grated, Try that again, you gon
kill me, you hear?
Coldly examining what it could of the mists of his
mind, the Medusa weighed that statement. It doubted
it. On the other hand, Gurlick was, at the moment,
infinitely valuable. It now knew that he could be
hurt, and organisms which can be hurt can be driven.
It realized also that Gurlick might be more useful,
however, if he could be enlisted.
To enlist an organism, you find out what it wants,
and give it a little in a way that indicates promise of
more. It asked Gurlick then what he wanted.
Lea me lone, Gurlick said.
The response to that was a flat negative, with a
faint stirring of that wrenching, explosive force it had
already used. Gurlick whimpered, and the Medusa
asked him again what he wanted.
What do I want? whispered Gurlick. He ceased,
for the moment to use words, but the concepts were
there. They were hate and smashed faces, and the
taste of good liquor, and a pile of clothes by the bank
of a pond: she saw him sitting there and was startled
for a moment; then she smiled and said, Hello,
Handsome. What did he want?... Thoughts of
Gurlick striding down the street, with the people
scurrying away before him in terror and the bartenders
standing in their open doors, holding shot-glasses
out to him, calling, pleading. And all along South
Main Street, where the fancy restaurants and clubs
are, with the soft-handed hard-eyed big shots who
never in their lives had an empty belly, them and
their clean sweet-smelling women, Gurlick wanted
them lined up and he would go down the line and
slit their bellies and take out their dinners by the
handful and throw it in their faces.
The Medusa at this point had some considerable
trouble interrupting. Gurlick, on the subject of what
Gurlick wanted, could go on with surprising force for
a very long time. The Medusa found it possible to
understand this resentment, surely the tropistic flailing
of something amputated, something denied full
function, robbed, deprived. And of course, insane.
Deftly, the Medusa began making promises. The
rewards described were described vividly indeed,
and in detail that enchanted Gurlick. They were
subtly implanted feedback circuits from his own imaginings,
and they dazzled him. And from time to time
there was a faint prod from that which had hurt him,
just to remind him that it was still there.
At last, Oh, sure, sure, Gurlick said. Ill find
out about that, about how people can get put together again. An
then, boy, I gon step on their face.
So it was, chuckling, that Daniel Gurlick went
forth from his wrecked truck to conquer the world.
Chapter 6
Caroline knelt on the rug with her face hidden in
the couch cushion, her nape bright red from her
weeping, the end strands of her hair wet with tears.
She had come unexpectedly, in mid-afternoon, and
Dimity Carmichael had opened the door and almost
screamed. She had caught the girl before she could
fall, led her to the couch. When Caroline could
speak, she muttered about a dentist, about how it
had hurt, how she had been so sure she could make
it home but was just too sick, and, finding herself
here, had hoped Dimity would let her lie down for a
few minutes... Dimity had made her comfortable
and then, with a few sharp unanswerable questions
(What dentist: What is his name? Why couldnt you
lie down in his office? He wanted you out of there as
soon as hed finished, didnt he? In fact, he wasnt a
dentist and he didnt do the kind of operations
dentists do, isnt that so?), she had reduced the pale girl
to this sodden sobbing thing huddled against the
couch. Ive known for a long time how you were
carrying on. And you finally got caught.
It was at that point, after thinking it out in grim,
self-satisfied silence, that Dimity Carmichael said sex
was after all so unnecessary. It certainly has done
you no good. Why do you give in, Caroline? You
dont have to.
I did, I did... came the girls muffled voice.
Nonsense. Say you wanted to, and wed be closer
to the truth. No one has to.
Caroline said somethingI love (or loved) him so,
or some such. Dimity snifled. Love, Caroline, isnt... that. Love is everything else that can be between a man and a woman, without that.
Caroline sobbed.
Thats your test, you see, explained Dimity
Carmichael. We are human beings because there
are communions between us which are not experienced byby
rabbits, well say. If a man is willing to
make some great sacrifice for a woman, it might be a
proof of love. Considerateness, chivalry, kindness,
patience, the sharing of great books and fine musicthese
are the things that prove a man. It is hardly a
demonstration of manhood for a man to prove that he
wants what a rabbit wants as badly as a rabbit wants
it.
Caroline shuddered. Dimity Carmichael smiled
tightly. Caroline spoke.
What? Whats that?
Caroline turned her cheek to rest it in her clenching
hand. Her eyes were squeezed closed. I said...
I just cant see it the way you do. I cant.
Youd be a lot happier if you did.
I know, I know... Caroline sobbed.
Dimity Carmichael leaned forward. You can, if
you like. Even after the kind of life youve livedoh,
I know how you were playing with the boys from the
time you were twelve years oldbut that can all be
wiped away, and this will never bother you again. If
youll let me help you.
Caroline shook her head exhaustedly. It was not a
refusal, but instead, doubt, despair.
Of course I can, said Dimity, as if Caroline had
spoken her doubts aloud. You just do as I say. She
waited until the girls shoulders were still, and until
she lifted her head away from the couch, turned to
sit on her calves, look sideways up at Dimity from
the corners of her long eyes.
Do what? Caroline asked forlornly.
Tell me what happenedeverything.
You know what happened.
You dont understand. I dont mean this
afternoonthat was a consequence, and we neednt dwell
on it. I want the cause. I want to know exactly what
happened to get you into this.
I wont tell you his name, she said sullenly.
His name, said Dimity Carmichael, is legion,
from what Ive heard. I dont care about that. What I
want you to do is to describe to me exactly what
happened, in every last detail, to bring you to this,
and she waved a hand at the girl, and her dentist,
and all the parts of her predicament.
Oh, said Caroline faintly. Suddenly she blushed.
II cant be sure just wh-which time it was, she
whispered.
That doesnt matter either, said Dimity flatly.
Pick your own. For example the first time with this
latest one. All right? Now tell me what happened
every last little detail, from second to second.
Caroline turned her face into the upholstery again.
Oh... why?
Youll see. She waited for a time, and then said,
Well? and again, Look, Caroline; well peel away
the sentiment, the bad judgment, the illusions and
delusions and leave you free. As I am free. You will
see for yourself what it is to be that free.
Caroline closed her eyes, making two red welts
where the lids met. I dont know where to begin...
At the beginning. You had been somewherea
dance, a club...?
A... a drive-in.
And then he took you...
Home. His house.
Go on.
We got there and had another drink, andand it
happened, thats all.
What happened?
Oh, I cant, I cant talk about it! Not
to you! Dont you see?
I dont see. This is an emergency, Caroline. You
do as I tell you. Forget Im me. Just talk. She
paused and then said quietly, You got to his house.
The girl looked up at her with one searching,
pleading look, and staring down at her hands, began
speaking rapidly. Dimity Carmichael bent close to
listen, and let her go on for a minute, then stopped
her. You have to say exactly how it was. Nowthis
was in the parlor.
L-Living room.
Living room. You have to see it all againdrapes,
pictures, everything. The sofa was in front of the
fireplace, is that right?
Caroline haltingly described the room, with Dimity repeating,
expanding, insisting. Sofa here, fireplace there, table with
drinks, window, door, easy-chair. How warm, how large, what do you mean red,
what red were the drapes? Begin again so I can see
it.
More swift and soft speech, more interruption.
You wore what?
The black faille, with the velvet trim and that
neckline, you know...
Which has the zipper
In the back.
Go on.
She went on. After a time Dimity stopped her
with a hand on her back. Get up off the floor. I cant
hear you. Get up, girl. Caroline rose and sat on the
couch. No, no; lie down. Lie down, Dimity
whispered.
Caroline lay down and put her forearms across her
eyes. It took a while to get started again, but at last
she did. Dimity drew up an ottoman and sat on it,
close, watching the girls mouth.
Dont say it, she said at one
point. There are names for these things. Use them.
Oh, I... just couldnt.
Use them.
Caroline used them. Dimity listened.
But what were you feeling all this time?
F-Feeling?
Exactly.
Caroline tried.
And did you say anything while this was going
on?
No, nothing. Except
Well?
Just at first, whispered the girl. She moved and
was still again, and her concealing arms clamped
visibly tighter against her eyes. I think I went...
and her teeth met, her lips curled back, her breath
hissed in sharply.
Dimity Carmichaels lips curled back and she
clenched her teeth and sharply drew in her breath.
Like that?
Yes.
Go on. Did he say anything?
No. Yes. Yes, he said, Caroline. Caroline.
Caroline, she crooned softly.
Go on.
She went on. Dimity listened, watching. She saw
the girl smiling and the tears that pressed out through
the juncture of forearm and cheek. She watched the
feint flickering of white-edged nostrils. She watched
the breast in its rapid motion, not quite like that
which would result from running up stairs, because
of the shallow shiver each long inhalation carried,
the seconds catch and hold, the gasping release.
Ah-h-h-h! Caroline screamed suddenly, softly.
Ahh... I thought he loved me, I did think he loved
me! She wept, and then said, Thats all.
No, it isnt. You had to leave. Get ready. Hm?
What did he say? What did you say?
Finally, when Caroline said, ... and thats all,
there were no questions to ask. Dimity Carmichael
rose and picked up the ottoman and placed it carefully
where it belonged by the easy-chair, and sat
down. The girl had not moved.
Now how do you feel?
Slowly the girl took down her arms and lay looking
at the ceiling. She wet her lips and let her head fall
to the side so she could look at Dimity Carmichael,
composed in the easy-chaira chair not too easy,
but comfortable for one who liked a flat seat and a
straight back. The girl searched Dimity Carmichaels
face, looking apparently for shock, confusion, anger,
disgust. She found none of these, nothing but thin
lips, dry skin, cool eyes. Answering at last, she said,
I feel... awful. She waited, but Dimity Carmichael
had nothing to say. She sat up painfully and covered
her face with her hands. She said, Telling it was
making it happen all over again, almost real. But
Again a silence.
but it was like... doing it in front of somebody
else. In front of
In front of me?
Yes, but not exactly.
I can explain that, said Dimity. You did it in
front of someoneyourself. You were watched. After
this, every time, every single time, Caroline, you
will always be watched. You will never be in such a
situation again, she intoned, her voice returning
and returning to the same note like some soft insistent buzzer,
without hearing yourself tell it, every
detail, every sight and sound of it, to someone else.
Except that the happening and the telling wont be
weeks apart, like this time. Theyll be simultaneous.
But the telling makes it all so... cheap, almost... funny!
It isnt the telling that makes it that way. The act
is itself ridiculous, ungraceful, and altogether too
trivial for the terrible price one pays for it. Now you
can see it as I see it; now you will be unable to see it
any other way. Go wash your face.
She did, and came back looking much better, with
her hair combed and the furrows gone from her
brows and the corners of her long eyes. With the last
of her makeup gone, she looked even younger than
usual; to think she was actually two years older than
Dimity Carmichael was incredible, incredible...
She slipped on her jacket and took up her top coat
and handbag. Im going. I... feel a lot better. I
mean about... things.
Its just that youre beginning to feel
as I do about... things.
Oh! Caroline cried from the door, from the depths
of her troubles, her physical and mental agonies, the
hopeless complexity of simply trying to live through
what life presented. Oh, she cried, I wish I were
like you. I wish Id always been like you! And she
went out.
Dimity Carmichael sat for a long time in the not-quite-easy
chair with her eyes closed. Then she rose
and went into the bedroom and began to take off
her clothes. She needed a bath; she felt proud. She
had a sudden recollection of her fathers face showing
a pride like this. He had gone down into the cesspool
to remove a blockage when nobody else would do it.
It had made him quite sick, but when he came up,
unspeakably filthy and every nerve screaming for a
scalding bath, it had been with that kind of pride.
Mama had not understood that nor liked it. She
would have borne the unmentionable discomforts of
the blocked sewer indefinitely rather than have it
known even within the family that Daddy had been
so soiled. Well, thats the way Daddy was. Thats the
way Mama was. The episode somehow crystallized
the great difference between them, and why Mama
had been so glad when he died, and how it was that
Dimitys given namegiven by himwas one which
reflected all the luminance of wickedness and sin,
and why Salomé Carmichael came to be known as
Dimity from the day he died. No cesspools for her.
Clean, cute, crisp was little Dimity, decent, pleated,
skirted and cosy all her life.
To get from her bedroom into the adjoining bathseven stepsshe bundled up in the long robe. Once
the shower was adjusted to her liking, she hung up
the robe and stepped under the cleansing flood. She
kept her gaze, like her thoughts, directed upward as
she soaped. The detailed revelation she had extracted
from Caroline flashed through her mind, all of it, in a
second, but with no detail missing. She smiled at the
whole disgusting affair with a cool detachment. In
the glass door of the shower-stall she saw the ghost-reflection
of her face, the coarse-fleshed, broad nose,
the heavy chin with its random scattering of thick
curled hairs, the strong square clean yellow teeth. I
wish I were like you, I wish Id always been like you!
Caroline had said that, slim-waisted, full-breasted
Caroline, Caroline with the mouth which, in relaxation, pouted to
kiss me, Caroline with the skin of a
peach, whose eyes were long jewels of a rare cut,
whose hair was fine and glossy and inwardly emberradiant.
I wish I were like you... Could Caroline
have known that Dimity Carmichael had yearned all
her life for those words spoken that way by Carolines
kind of woman? For were they not the words
Dimity herself repressed as she turned the pages of
magazines, watched the phantoms on the stereophonic,
technicolored, wide deep unbearable screen?
It was time now for the best part of the shower,
the part Dimity looked forward to most. She put her
hand on the control and let it rest there, ecstatically
delaying the transcendent moment.
...Be like you... perhaps Caroline would, one
day, with luck. How good not to need all that, how
fine and clear everything was without it! How laughingly revolting, to have a man prove the power of a
rabbits preoccupations with his animal stragglings
and his breathy croonings of ones name, Salomé,
Salomé, Salomé... (I mean, she corrected herself
suddenly and with a shade of panic, Caroline-Caroline-Caroline.)
In part because it was time, and partly because of
a swift suspicion that her thoughts were gaining a
momentum beyond her control and a direction past
her choice, she threw the control hard over to Cold,
and braced her whole mind and body for that clean
(surely sexless) moment of total sensation by which
she punctuated her entire inner existence.
As the liquid fire of cold enveloped her, the lips of
Dimity Carmichael turned back, the teeth met, the
breath was drawn in with a sharp, explosive sibilance.
Chapter 7
At the corner, sprawled out on the steps of an
abandoned candy store, he encountered what at first
glance seemed to be an odorous bundle of rags. He
was about to pass it when he stopped. Or was stopped.
Its ony Freddy, he said disgustedly. He dont
know nothin hardly.
Gah dime, bo? asked the bundle, stirring feebly,
and extending a filthy hand which flowered on the
stem of an impossibly thin wrist.
Well, sure I said somebody oughta know, growled
Gurlick, but not him, fgodsakes.
Gah dime, bo? Oh... its Danny. Got a dime on
ya, Danny?
All right, all right, Ill ast im!
said Gurlick angrily, and at last turned to Freddy. Shut up, Freddy.
You know I aint got no dime. Listen, I wanna ast
you somethin. How could we get all put together
again?
Freddy made an effort which he had apparently
not considered worth while until now. He focused
his eyes. Whoyou and me? What you mean, put
together?
I tole you! said Gurlick, not speaking to Freddy;
then at the mingled pressure of threat and promise,
he whimpered in exasperation and said, Just tell me
can we do it or not, Freddy.
Whats the matter with you, Danny?
You gon tell me or aincha?
Freddy blinked palely and seemed on the verge of
making a mental effort. Finally he said, Im cold. I
been cold for three years. You got a drink on you,
Danny?
There wasnt anybody around, so Gurlick kicked
him. Stoopid, he said, tucked his chin down, and
shuffled away. Freddy watched him for a while, until
his gritty lids got too heavy to hold up.
Two blocks farther, Gurlick saw somebody else,
and immediately tried to cross the street. He was not
permitted to. No! he begged. No, no, no! You
cant ast every single one you see. Whatever he was
told, it was said in no uncertain terms, because he
whined, You gon get me in big trouble, jus you
wait.
Ask he must: ask he did. The plumbers wife, who
stood a head taller than he and weighed twice as
much, stopped sweeping her stone steps as he shuffled
toward her, head still down but eyes up, and
obviously not going to scuttle past as he and his kind
usually did.
He stopped before her, looking up. She would
tower over him if he stood on a box; as it was, he was
on the sidewalk and she on the second step. He
regarded her like a country cousin examining a monument.
She looked down at him with the nauseated
avidity of a witness to an automobile accident.
He wet his lips, and for a moment the moment
held them. Then he put a hand on the side of his
head and screwed up his eyes. The hand fell away;
he gazed at her and croaked, How can we get
together again?
She kept looking at him, expressionless, unmoving.
Then, with a movement and a blare of sound
abrupt as a film-splice, she threw back her head and
laughed. It seemed a long noisy while before the
immense capacity of her lungs was exhausted by that
first great ring of laughter, but when it was over it
brought her face down again, which served only to
grant her another glimpse of Gurlicks anxious filthy
face, and caused another paroxysm.
Gurlick left her laughing and headed for the park.
Numbly he cursed the woman and all women, and
all their husbands, and all their forebears.
Into the park, the young spring had brought slim
grass, tree buds, dogs, children, old people and a
hopeful ice-cream vendor. The peace of these beings
was leavened by a scattering of adolescents who had
found the park on such a day more attractive than
school, and it was three of these who swarmed into
Gurlicks irresolution as he stood just inside the park,
trying to find an easy way to still the demand inside
his head.
Dig the creep, said the one with Heroes on the
back of his jacket, and another: Or-bit! and the
three began to circle Gurlick, capering like stage
Indians, holding fingers out from their heads and
shrilling, Bee-beep! bee-beep satellite signals.
Gurlick turned back and forth for a moment like a
weathervane in a williwaw, trying to sort them out.
Giddada year, he growled.
Bee-beep! cried one of the satellites. Stand by
fer re-yentry! The capering became a gallop as the
orbits closed, swirled around him in a shouting blur,
and at the signal, Burnout! they stopped abruptly
and the one behind Gurlick dropped to his hands
and knees while the other two pushed. Gurlick hit
the ground with a whoosh, flat on his back with his
arms and legs in the air. Around the scene, one
woman cried out indignantly, one old mans mouth
popped open with shock, and everyone else, everyone else,
laughed and laughed.
Giddada year, gasped Gurlick, trying to roll over
and get his knees under him.
One of the boys solicitously helped him to his feet,
saying to another, Now, Rocky, ya shoonta. Ya
shoonta. When the trembling Gurlick was upright
and the second of the triothe Herodown on
his hands and knees behind him again, the solicitous
one gave another push and down went Gurlick again.
Gurlick, now dropping his muffled pretenses of threat
and counterattack, lay whimpering without trying to
rise. Everybody laughed and laughed, all but two,
and they didnt do anything. Except move closer,
which attracted more laughters.
Space Patrol! Space Patrol, yelled Rocky,
pointing at the approaching blue uniform. Four oclock
high!
Esss-cape velocity! one of them barked; and with
their antenna-fingers clamped to their heads and a
chorus of shrill beep-beeps they snaked through the
crowd and were gone.
Bastits. Lousy bastits. Ill killum, the lousy bastits,
Gurlick wept.
Ah right. Ah right! Break it up. Move it along. Ah
right, said the policeman. The crowd broke it up
immediately ahead of him and moved along sufficiently
to close the gap behind, craning in gap-mouthed anticipation
of another laugh... laughter makes folks feel good.
The policeman found Gurlick on all fours and jerked
him to his feet, a good deal more roughly than Rocky
had done. Ah right, you, whats the matter with
you?
The indignant lady pushed through and said something
about hoodlums. Oh, said the policeman,
hoodlum, are ye?
Lousy bastits, Gurlick sobbed.
The policeman quelled the indignant lady in mid-protest
with a bland, Ah right, dont get excited,
lady; Ill handle this. What you got to say about it?
he demanded of Gurlick.
Gurlick, half suspended from the policemans hard
hand, whimpered and put his hands to his head.
Suddenly nothing around him, no sound, no face,
pressed upon him more than that insistence inside.
I dont care there is lotsa people, dont make me ast
now!
Whatd you say! demanded the policeman truculently.
Aright! Aright! Gurlick cried to the Medusa,
and to the policeman. All I want is, tell me how we
cn get together again.
What?
All of us, said Gurlick. Everybody in the world.
Hes talking about world peace, said the
indignant woman. There was laughter. Someone explained
to someone else that the bum was afraid of the
Communists. Someone else heard that and explained
to the man behind him that Gurlick was a Communist. The policeman heard part of that and shook
Gurlick. Dont you go shootin your mouth off around
here no more, or its the cooler for you. Get me?
Gurlick sniveled and mumbled, Yessir. Yessir,
and sidled, scuttled, cringed away.
Ah right. Move it along. Shows over. Ah right,
there...
When he could, Gurlick ran. He was out of breath
before he began to run, so his wind lasted him only
to the edge of the park, where he reeled against the
railing and clung there to whimper his breath back
again. He stood with his hands over his face, his
fingers trying to press back at that thing inside him,
his mouth open and noisy with self-pity and anoxia.
A hand fell on his shoulder and he jumped wildly.
Its all right, said the indignant woman. I just
wanted to let you know, everybody in the whole
world isnt cruel and mean andandmean and
cruel.
Gurlick looked at her, working his mouth. She was
in her fifties, round-shouldered, bespectacled, and
most earnest. She said, You go right on thinking
about world peace. Talking about it too.
He was not yet capable of speaking. He gulped
air, it was like sobbing.
You poor man. She fumbled in an edge-flaked
patent leather pocketbook and found a quarter. She
held it and sighed as if it were an heirloom, and
handed it to him. He took it unnoticing and put it
away. He did not thank her. He asked, Do you
know? He pressed his temples in that newly developed compulsive gesture. I got to find out, see? I
got to.
Find out what?
How people can get put back together again?
Oh, she said. Oh, dear. She mulled it over.
Im afraid I dont know just what you mean.
Ysee? he informed his inner tormentor,
agonized. Aint nobody knowsnobody!
Please explain it a little, the woman begged.
Maybe theres someone who can help you,
if I cant.
Gurlick said hopelessly, Its about peoples brains,
see what I mean, how to make all the brains go together again.
Oh, you poor man... She looked at him pityingly
clearly certain that his brains indeed needed
putting together again, and Well, at least he realizes
it, which is a sight more than most of us do. I
know! she cried. Dr. Langleys the man for you. I
clean for him once a week, and believe me, if you
want to know somebody who knows about the brain,
hes the one. He has a machine that draws wiggly
lines and he can read them and tell what youre thinking.
Gurlicks vague visualization of such a device flashed
out to the stars, where it had an electrifying effect.
Wheres it at?
The machine? Right there in his office. Hell tell
you all about it; hes such a dear kind man. He told
me all about it, though Im afraid I didnt quite
Wheres it at? Gurlick barked.
Why, in his office. Oh, you mean, where. Well,
its 13 Deak Street, on the second floor; look, you
can almost see it from here. Right there where the
house with the
Without another word Gurlick put down his chin
and hunched his shoulders and scuttled off.
Oh, dear, murmured the woman, worriedly. I
do hope he doesnt bother Dr. Langley too much.
But then, he wouldnt; he does believe in peace.
She turned away from her good deed and started
home.
Gurlick did not bother Dr. Langley for long, and
he did indeed bring him peace.
Chapter 8
I am walking upside down, he thought. The devils
had done that. The top of him had forgotten how to
see, and his eyes stretched round and protuberant
against the blackness. But his feet knew the trail,
every root and rock of it. He sidled, because somehow
his feet saw better that way, and his assegai,
poised againstwhat?was more on the ready.
His assegai, blooded, honorable, bladed now for
half its length... he remembered the day he had
become a man and had stood stonily to receive it,
bleeding from the ceremony, sick from the potions
which had been poured into him and which, though
they bloated his stomach, did nothing to kill the
fire-ants of hunger that crawled biting inside him.
He had not slept for two nights and a day, he had not
eaten for nearly a week, and yet he could remember
none of these feelings save as detached facts, like
parts of a story told of someone else. The single thing
that came to him fine and clear was his pride when
they pressed his assegai into his hand and called him
man. His slender little assegai, with its tiny pointed
tip, its long unmarked shaft. He thought of it now
with the same faint leap of glory it always brought
him, but there was a sadness mixed with it now, and
an undertone of primal horror; for although the weapon
which slanted by his neck now was heavy steel,
beautiful with carvings, it was useless... useless... and he was less of a man than that young warrior
with his smooth tipped stick, he was less of a man
than a boy was. In the mans world the assegai was
never useless. It might be used well or ill, that was
all. But this was the devils world, and the assegai
had no place or purpose here save to comfort his
practiced hand and the tight-strung cords of his ready
shoulder and back. It became small comfort, and by
the moment smaller, as he realized its uselessness.
His very manhood became a foolishness like that of
old Nugubwa, whose forearm was severed in a raid,
who for once did not die but mended, and who
carried the lost limb about with him until there was
nothing left of it but a twisted bundle like white
sticks.
A demon uttered a chattering shriek by his very
ear and scampered up into the darkness; the fright
was like a blaze of white light in his face, so that for
long seconds the night was full of floating flashes
inside his eyeballs. In the daytime such a sound and
scamper meant only the flight of a monkey; but here
in the dark it meant that a demon had taken the
guise of a monkey. And it broke him.
Mbala was frozen in the spot, in the pose of his
fright, down on one knee, body arched back and to
the side, head up, assegai drawn back and ready to
throw at the source of his terror. And then
He slumped, wagged his head foolishly, and climbed
to his feet like an old old man, both hands on the
staff of the spear and its butt in the ground. He
began to trudge forward, balanced no longer on the
springs of his toes, no longer sidewise and alert, but
walking flat-footed and dragging his assegai behind
him like a child with a stick. His eyes had ceased to
serve him so he closed them. His feet knew the way.
Beside him something screamed and died, and he
shuffled past as if he had heard nothing. He dimly
realized that he was in some way past fear. It was not
any kind of courage. It was instead a stupidity marching with him like a ring of men, a guard and a barrier
against everything. In reality it was a guard against
nothing, and a gnat or a centipede would penetrate it
quite as readily as a lion. But through such a cordon
of stupidity, Mbala could not know that, and so he
found a dim content. He walked on to his yam patch.
With Mbalas people, the yam patch was a good
deal more than a kitchen garden. It was his treasure,
his honor. His women worked it; and when it yielded
well and the bellies of his kin were full, a man could
pile his surplus by his door and sit and contemplate
it, and accept the company of the less fortunate who
would come to chat, and speak of anything but yams
while the yearning spittle ran down their chins; until
at last he deigned to give them one or two and send
them away praising him; or perhaps he would give
them nothing, and at length they would leave, and
he could sense the bitter curses hiding in the somber
folds of their impassive faces, knowing they could
sense the laughter in his own.
Tribal law protecting a mans yam patch was
specific and horrifying in its penalties, and the tabus
were mighty. It was believed that if a man cleared a
patch and cultivated it and passed it on to his son,
the fathers spirit remained to watch and guard the
patch. But if a man broke some tabu, even unknowingly,
a devil would drive away the guardian spirit
and take its place. That was the time when the patch
wouldnt yield, when the worms and maggots attacked,
when the elephant broke down the thorn
trees... and when the grown yams began to disappear during the night. Obviously no one but a demon could steal yams at night.
And so it was that misfortune, grown tall, would
mount the shoulders of misfortune. A man who lost
yams at night was to be avoided until he had cleansed
himself and propitiated the offended being. So when
Mbala began to lose yams at night, he consulted the
witch doctor, who at considerable costthree links
of a brass chain and two goatskilled a bird and a
kid and did many mumbling things with stinking
smokes and bitter potions and spittings to the several
winds, and packed up his armamentarium and hunkered down to meditate and at last inform Mbala that
no demon was offended, except possibly the shade of
his father, who must be furious in his impotence to
guard the yams from, not a devil, but a man. And
this man must be exorcised not by devils weapons
but by mans. At news of this, Mbala took a great
ribbing from Nuyu, his uncles second son. Nuyu
had traveled far to the east and had sat in the compound
of an Arab trader, and had seen many wonders and had come
back with a lot less respect than a
man should have for the old ways. And Nuyu said
among howls of laughter that a man was a fool to pay
a doctor for the doctors opinion that the doctor
could not help him; he said that he, Nuyu, could
have told him the same thing for a third the price,
and any unspoiled child would have said it for nothing.
Others did notdared notlaugh aloud like
Nuyu, but Mbala knew well what went on behind
their faces.
Well, if a man stole his yams at night, he must
hunt the man at night. He failed completely to round
up a party, for though they all believed the doctors
diagnosis, still night marches and dealings with demons workeven men doing demons workwere
not trifles. It was decided after much talk that this
exorcism would bring great honors to anyone so brave
as to undertake it, so everyone in the prospective
hunting party graciously withdrew and generously
left the acquisition of such honors to the injured
party, Mbala. Mbala was thereby pressured not only
into going, but also into thanking gravely each and
every one of his warrior friends and kinsmen for the
opportunity. This he did with some difficulty, girded
himself for battle, and was escorted to the jungle
margin at evening by all the warriors in the kraal,
while his wives stood apart and wept. The first three
nights he spent huddled in terror in the tallest solid
crotch he could find in the nearest tree out of sight of
the kraal, returning each day to sit and glower so
fiercely that no one dared ask him anything. He let
them think he had gone each night to the patch. Or
hoped they thought that. On the fourth morning he
climbed down and turned away from the tree to be
greeted by the smiling face of his cousin Nuyu, who
waved his assegai and walked off laughing. And so at
last Mbala had to undertake his quest in earnest.
And this was the night during which the demons
scared him at last into the numbness of impenetrable
stupidity.
He reached his patch in the blackest part of the
night, and slipped through the thorns with the practiced
irregular steps of a modern dancer. Well into
the thickest part of the bush which surrounded his
yamsa bush his people called makuyu and others
astralagus vetchhe hunkered down, rested his hands
on his upright spear and his chin on his forearms. So
he was heresplendid. Bad luck, thievery, shame
and stupidity had brought him to this pinnacle, and
now what? Man or devil, if the thief came now he
would not see him.
He dozed, hoping for some lightening of the leaden
sky, for a suspicious sound, for anything that would
give him a suggestion of what to do next. He hoped
the demons could not see him crouched there in the
vetch, though he knew perfectly well they could. He
was stripped of his faith and his courage; he was
helpless and he did not care. His helplessness commanded
this new trick of stupidity. He hid in it,
vulnerable to anything but happily unable to see out.
He slept.
His fingers slipped on the shaft of the assegia. He
jolted awake, peered numbly around, yawned and
let the weapon down to lie across his feet. He hooked
his wide chin over his bony updrawn knees and slept
again.
Chapter 9
The doctor said, Good God.
Dear kind man he might be to his cleaning lady,
but to Gurlick he was just another clean man full of
knowledges and affairs which Gurlick wouldnt
understand, plus the usual foreseeable anger, disgust
and intolerance Gurlick stimulated wherever he went.
In short, just another one of the bastits to hate.
Gurlick said, You know about brains?
The doctor said, Who sent you here?
You know what to do to put peoples brains
together again?
What? Who are you? What do you want anyway?
Look, said Gurlick, I got to find
this out, see. You know how to do it, or not?
Im afraid, said the doctor icily,
that I cant answer a question I dont understand.
So ya dont know anything about brains.
The doctor sat tall behind a wide desk. His face
was smooth and narrow, and in repose fell naturally
into an expression of arrogance. No better example
in all the world could have been found of the epitome
of everything Gurlick hated in his fellow-man.
The doctor was archetype, coda, essence; and in his
presence Gurlick was so unreasonably angry as almost
to forget how to cringe.
I didnt say that, said Langley. He looked at
Gurlick steadily for a moment, openly selecting a
course of action: Throw him out? Humor him? Or
study him? He observed the glaring eyes, the
trembling mouth, the posture of fear-driven aggressiveness.
He said, Lets get something straight. Im
not a psychiatrist. Aware that this creature didnt
know a psychiatrist from a CPA, he explained, I
mean, I dont treat people who have problems. Im a
physiologist, specializing on the brain. Im just interested
in how brains do what they do. If the brain was
a motor, you might say I am the man who writes the
manual that the mechanic studies before he goes to
work. Thats all I am, so before you waste your own
time and mine, get that straight. If you want me
to recommend somebody who can help you with
whatev
You tell me, Gurlick barked, you just tell me
that one thing and thats all you got to do.
What one thing?
Exasperated, adding his impatience with all his
previous failures to his intense dislike of this new
enemy, Gurlick growled, I tole ya. When this got
no response, and when he understood from the doctors expression that it would get no response, he
blew angrily from his nostrils and explained, Once
everybody in the world had just the one brain, see
what I mean. Now theys all took apart. All you got
to tell me is how to stick em together again.
You seem to be pretty sure that everybodyhows
that again?had the same brain once.
Gurlick listened to something inside him. Then,
Had to be like that, he said.
Why did it have to be?
Gurlick waved a vague hand. All this. Buildins.
Cars, cloes, tools, lectric, all like that. This dont git
done without the people all think with like one head.
It did get done that way, though. People can
work together withoutthinking together. That is
what you mean, isnt itall thinking at once, like a
hive of bees?
Bees, yeah.
It didnt happen that way with people, believe
me. What made you think it did?
Well, it did, thass all, said Gurlick positively.
A startled computation was made among the stars,
and, given the axiom which had proved unalterably
and invariably true heretofore, namely, that a species did not reach this high a level of technology
without the hive-mind to organize it, there was only
one way to account for the doctors incredible
statementproviding he did not lieand Gurlick,
informed of this conclusion, did his best to phrase it.
I guess what happened was, everybody broke all
apart, they on their own now, they just dont remember no more. I dont remember it, you dont
remember it, that one time you and me and everybody was part of one great big brain.
I wouldnt believe that, said the doctor, even if
it were true.
Sure not, Gurlick agreed, obviously and irritatingly taking the doctors statement as a proof of his
own. Well... I still got to find out how to stick
em all together again.
You wont find it out from me. I dont know. So
why dont you just go and
You got a machine, it knows what youre thinkin,
said Gurlick suddenly.
I have a machine which does nothing of the kind.
Who told you about me, anyway?
You show me that machine.
Certainly not. Look, this has been very interesting,
but Im busy and I cant talk to you any more.
Now be a good
You got to show it to me, said Gurlick in a
terrifying whisper; for through his fogbound mind
had shot his visions (shes in the water up to her
neck, saying, Hello, Handsome, and he just grins,
and she says, Im coming out, and he says, Come on
then, and slowly she starts up toward him, the water
down to her collarbone, to her chest, to) and a
smoky curl of his new agony; he had to get this
information, he must.
The doctor pressed himself away from his desk a
few inches in alarm. Thats the machine over there.
It wont make the slightest sense to you. Im not
trying to hide anything from youits just that you
wouldnt understand it.
Gurlick sidled over to the equipment the doctor
had pointed to. He stood looking at it for a moment,
flashing a cautious ratlike glance toward the doctor
from time to time, and pulling at his mouth. What
you call this thing?
An electroencephalograph. Are you satisfied?
Hows it know what youre thinkin?
It doesnt. It picks up electrical impulses from a
brain and turns them into wavy lines on a strip of
paper.
Watching Gurlick, the doctor saw clearly that in
some strange way his visitor was not thinking of the
next question; he was waiting for it. He could see it
arrive.
Open it up, said Gurlick.
What?
Open it. I got to look at the stuff inside it.
Again that frightening hiss: I got to see it.
The doctor sighed in exasperation and pulled open
the file drawer of his desk. He located a manual,
slapped it down on the desk, leafed through it and
opened it. Theres a picture of it. Its a wiring
diagram. If it makes any sense to you itll tell you
more than a look inside would tell you. I hope it tells
you that the things far too complicated for a man
without train
Gurlick snatched up the manual and stared at it.
His eyes glazed and cleared. He put the manual
down and pointed. These here lines is wires?
Yes.
This here?
A rectifier. Its a tube. You know what a tube is.
Like radio tubes. Electric is in these here wires?
This cant mean anyth
Whats this here?
Those little lines? Ground. Here, and here, and
over here the current goes to ground.
Gurlick placed a filthy fingertip on the transformer
symbol. This changes the electric. Right?
Dumbfounded, Langley nodded. Gurlick said, Regular electric comes in here. Some other kind comes
in here. What?
Thats the detector. The input. The electrodes
mean whatever brain the machine is hooked up to
feeds current in there.
It aint very much.
It aint, mimicked the doctor weakly, very much.
You got one of those strips with the wavy lines?
Wordlessly the doctor opened the drawer, found a
trace, and tossed it on top of the diagram. Gurlick
pored over it for a long moment, referring twice to
the wiring diagram. Suddenly he threw it down.
Okay. Now I found out.
You found out what?
What I wanted.
Will you be kind enough to tell me just what you
found?
God, said Gurlick disgustedly, how
shd I know?
Langley shook his head, suddenly ready to laugh
at this mystifying and irritating visitation. Well, if
youve found it, you dont have to stick around.
Right?
Shut up, said Gurlick, cocking his head,
closing his eyes. Langley waited.
It was like hearing one side of a phone conversation, but there was no phone. How the hell Im
supposed to do that? Gurlick demanded at one
point, and later, I gon need money for anything
like that. No, I cant. I cant, I tell ya; you just gon
git me in th clink... What you think hes gon be
doin while I take it?
Who are you talking to? Langley demanded.
I dunno, said Gurlick. Shut up, now. He fixed
his gaze on the doctors face, and for seconds it was
unseeing. Then suddenly it was not, and Gurlick
spoke to him: I got to have money.
Im not giving any handouts this season. Now get
out of here.
Gurlick, showing all the signs of an unwelcome
internal goading, came around the desk and repeated
his demand. As he did so, he saw for the very first
time that Doctor Langley sat in a wheelchair.
That made all the difference in the world to Gurlick.
Chapter 10
Henrys mother disagreed, but deviously. She lied
to everyone concernedto her husband, to Henrys
teacher, to the school psychologist and the principal
and to Henry himself. She told her husband she was
shopping in the mornings but instead she was sitting
in the corner of the kindergarten room watching
Henry crying. After two weeks of this the psychologist
and the principal corralled her and explained to
her that the reality of home involved having her at
home, the reality of school involved not having her
at school, and Henry was not going to face the reality
of school until he could experience it without her.
She agreed immediately, because she always agreed
with anyone who had a clear opinion about anything,
went back to the room, told the stricken Henry that
she would be waiting just outside, and marched out.
She completely overlooked the fact that Henry could
see her from the window, see her walk down the
path and get into her car and drive away. If he had
any composure left after that it was destroyed after a
few minutes when, having circled the block and concealed
her car, she crept back past the Keep Off the
Grass sign, and spent the rest of the morning peeping
in the window. Henry saw her right away, but
the teacher and the principal didnt catch on to it for
weeks. Henry continued to sit stiffly and hiss out his
occasional sobs, wondering numbly what there was
about school so terrifying as to make his mother go to
such lengths to protect him, and, whatever it was,
feeling a speechless horror of it.
Henrys father did what he could about Henrys
cowardice. It pained him because, though he was
certain it didnt come from his side, other people
might not know that. He told Henry ghost stories
about sheeted phantasms which ate little boys and
then sent him up to bed in the dark, in a room
where there was a hot-air register opening directly
into the ceiling of the room below. The father had
troubled to spread a sheet over the register and when
he heard the boys door open and close, he shoved a
stick up through the register and moaned. The white
form rising up out of the floor elicited no sound or
movement from Henry, so the father went upstairs,
laughing to see the effect he had not heard. Henry
stood as stiff as ever, straight and tall, motionless in
the dark, so his father turned on the light and looked
him over, and then gave him a good whaling. Five
years old, he told the mother when he got back
downstairs, and he wets his pants yet.
He jumped out shouting at Henry from around
corners and hid in closets and made animal noises
and he gave him ruthless orders to go out and punch
eight- and ten-year-olds in the nose and warmed his
seat for him when he refused, but he just couldnt
seem to make the dirty little sissy into anything else.
Blood will tell, he used to say knowingly to the
mother who had never stood up to anyone in her life
and had manifestly tainted the boy. But he clung to
the hope that he could do something about it, and he
kept trying.
Henry was afraid when his parents quarreled, because the father shouted and the mother wept; but
he was afraid when they did not quarrel too. This
was a special fear, raised to its peak on the occasion
when the father spoke to him pleasantly, smiling.
Undoubtedly the father himself did not realize it,
but his pattern for punishing the boy was invariably a
soft-voiced, smiling approach and a sudden burst of
brutality, and Henry had become incapable of discriminating between a genuine pleasantry and one of
these cheerful precursors to punishment. Meanwhile
his mother coddled and cuddled him secretly and
unsystematically, secretly violated his fathers
deprivations by contrabanding to him too much cookies
and candy, yet all the while turned a cold and unresponsive
back to any real or tacit plea for help in the
fathers presence. Henrys natural curiosity, along
with his normal rebelliousness, had been thoroughly
excised when they first showed themselves in his
second and third years, and at five he was so thoroughly
trained that he would take nothing not actually handed to
him by a recognized authority, go
nowhere and do nothing unless and until clearly
instructed to do so. Children should be seen and not
heard. Do not speak unless spoken to. Why didnt
you poke that kid right in the nose? Why? Why?
Daddy, I
Shaddup, you little yellow-belly. I dont want to
hear it.
So tall little, sad little Henry sat sniffing in
kindergarten, and was numbly silent everywhere else.
Chapter 11
By now he was burdened with a wooden crate
rigged by an accommodating clerk into something
approximating a foot-locker in size and shape, with a
rope handle to carry it by. His destination was decided after a painful prodding session by the Medusa, which dug out of Gurlicks unwilling brain
a memory that Gurlick himself had long ago let vanisha brief and unprofitable stab at prospecting, or
rather at carrying the pack for a friend who was
stabbing at it, years ago. The important facet of the
memory was an abandoned shack miles from anywhere, together with a rough idea of how to get
there.
So Gurlick took a bus, and another bus, and stole a
jeep and abandoned it, and at last, cursing his tormentors, slavering for his dream, and wailing his
discomfort, he walked.
Heavy woods, an upland of scrub pine and dwarf
maple, then a jagged rock ridgethat was it; and the
roofless remnant of the shack like a patch of decay
between and against the stained tooth-roots of the
snaggly ridge.
More than water, more than food or to be left
alone, Gurlick wanted rest, but he was not allowed
it. Panting and sniffling, he fell to his knees and
began to fumble with the ropes on his burden. He
took out the mercury cells and the metal slugs and
the wire and tube-sockets, and began to jumble them
together. He didnt know what he was doing and he
didnt have to. The work was being done by an
aggregate of computing wills scattered across the
heavens, partly by direct orders, partly by a semi-direct
control, brain to neurone, bypassing that foggy
swamp which comprised Gurlicks consciousness.
Gurlick disliked the whole thing mightily, but except
for a lachrymose grumble, no protest was possible.
So he blubbered and slaved, and did not, could not,
let up until it was finished.
When it was finished, Gurlick was released. He
stumbled away from it, as if a rope under tension had
tied him and was suddenly cut. He fell heavily,
reared up on his elbows to blink at the thing, and
then exhaustion overcame him and he slept.
When he fell asleep it was a tangle of wires and
components, a stack of dissimilar metals strangely
assembled, and with... capabilities. While he slept,
the thoughts from the stars operated it, directly at
last, not needing his blunt fumbling fingers. Within
one of the circlets of square wire, a small mound of
sand began to smoke. It rose suddenly and drifted
down, rose again and drifted down, and lay finally
smooth and flat. A depression of an unusual shape
appeared in it. A block of Invar tumbled end over
end from the small pile of metals and dropped into
the sand. It slumped, melted, ran and was cast.
Another piece was formed, then another, and with a
swirl like the unpredictable formation of a dust-devil,
the pieces whirled and fell together, an assembly. A
coil of enameled copper wire rolled to the sand bed
and stopped rolling... but continued to rotate, as
its free end crawled outward to the assembly, snaked
here, there, around a prong. A faint smell of burning, and the wire was spot-welded in seven places,
and burned through where it was not needed.
Now Gurlicks original conglomeration began to
shed its parts, some being invisibly shoved aside,
others being drawn in to join the growing aggregate.
Sometimes there was a long pause as if some inhuman
digestive process were going on within the growing
machine; then it would shudder as if shaken more
tightly together, or it could thrust out a new sub-assembly
to one side, which in turn would erect a
foot-high T-shaped mast which would begin to swing
from side to side as if seeking. Or there would be a
flurry of activity as it tried and rejected materials in
rapid succession; after one such scurry, its T-headed
mast aimed at the rock near-by. There was a tense
moment, a flicker of violet corona discharge; a great
bite appeared in the rock, and a cold cloud of rock-dust
which drifted over to the new machine and was
absorbed into ittraces of silver, traces of copper,
and certain borosilicates.
And when it was finished, it was... it was what
Gurlick had built. However, it bore the same relation to
the original as a superheterodyne receiver
does to a twenty-cent home-rigged crystal set. Like
its predecessor, it began, on the instant of its completion,
to build another, more advanced version of itself.
Chapter 12
Atty Brevix (her name, infuriatingly, was Beatitude,
which made Batty and Titty and even, in the midst
of an argument, Attitude) drove the station wagon, a
long, hushed, low, overpowered this-years dream-boat
with lines as clean as those of a baseball bat and
an appetite like a storm sewer. She drove with great
skill and even greater trepidation, since she had
misplaced her drivers license some weeks earlier
and was convinced that this information was marked
on the sides of their caravan as in neon lights. It had
grown dark at the end of their second day on the
road; they had taken a wrong turning and were miles
away from their chosen track, although still going in
the desired direction, and they began bitterly to
regret their decision to make the remaining eighty
miles in one jump rather than stop at a motel again.
Nerves were raw, bladders acreak; two of the children were whining, one screaming, and four-year-old Sharon, who was always either talking or sleeping,
blissfully slept. The cat set up a grating reiteration of
one note, two of them every three seconds, while at
a dead run it made the rounds of all glass areas of the
station wagon, of which there were many. Every time
it ran across Attys shoulders she bit down on her
back teeth until her jaw ached. The baby had wriggled clear
of his lashing and was trying to stand up in
the car-bed, so Atty drove with one hand on the
wheel and one on his chest. Every time he sat up
she pushed him down, and every time she pushed
him down he screeched. In the truck Tony drove
grimly, squinting through a windshield so spider-webbed
with scratches that oncoming lights made
the whole thing totally opaque. Carol, five and one
of the weepers, and Billy, eight and a whiner, were
the pair privileged to ride the truck, and while Billy
described in incessant detail the food he wasnt getting,
Carol cried steadily. It was a monotone bleat,
rather like that of the cat, from whom she had probably
learned it, and denoted no special sorrow but
only an empty stomach. She would cease it completely at
the first loom of light from an oncoming
car, and announce the obvious: Here comes another
one. Summon a bish. Summon a bish.
And Billy would cease his listings (Why cant I
have a chocklit maltit? I bet I could drink three
chocklit maltits. I bet I could drink four chocklit
maltits. I bet I could drink five...) to say, Carol
shoont say summon a bish, pop. Hey, Pop! Carols
sayin summon a bish.
And Tony would say, Dont say that, Carol,
whereupon the lights of the oncoming vehicle would be
upon him, and in dedicated attention he would slit
his eyes, set his jaw, and say precisely what Carol
was trying to repeat.
Tony led, the car followed, it being somehow the
male responsibility to find the right road. (They were
not on the right road.) For some time he had been
aware of the station wagons headlights flashing on
and off in his rear-view mirror. Each time he noticed
it he cheerily flashed his own lights in acknowledgment,
and kept going. After about an hour, the station wagon whisked
by him like a half-heard insult
and pulled in front, glaring at him with angry brake-lights.
He did his best to stop in time, but Atty,
though an excellent driver, had overlooked the detail
of the load he was carrying, and the feet that stopping the
wheels of the truck and stopping the truck
itself, were consecutive and not concurrent circumstances.
In short, he ran into the back of the station wagon.
There was a moment of total cacophony. Tony
closed his eyes, covered his ears, and let it pass him.
He was then aware of an urgent tugging at his sleeve,
and Pop! Pop!
Yes, Billy. Carol, shut up a minute. Carol was
wailing.
You run into the station wagon, Pop.
I noticed that, said Tony with heroic control.
Pop...
Yes, Billy.
Why did you run into the station wagon?
Just felt like it, I guess. He got out. You stay
here and see if you can make Carol happy.
Okay, Pop. To Carol, Shut up, mudface.
Carols wail became an angry screech. Tony sighed and
walked to the front of the truck. There was no breakage,
just Bendage, he murmured, and walked up
to the drivers side of the station wagon. Atty was
unpinning the baby. He thumped on the window
and she rolled it down. She said something, but he
couldnt hear it. The noise in there was classic.
What? he shouted.
I said, why didnt you stop?
He glanced back vaguely at the crumpled front
end of the truck. I did.
Here, hold him. He held the baby under the
armpits while she relieved him of several soggy fabrics.
You might have killed all of us. Would you
believe it, Sharons still asleep. What do you think I
was blinking my lights for?
I thought you just wanted to say hello.
I told you at the gas station to find some place
along the road to stop so we could eat. Now everythings
cold. Linda, youre six years old so stop that
yelling!
What do you mean cold?
Our dinner. Theres a sweet big boy, now you
feel much better. The baby screamed much louder.
I didnt know we had any dinner. You mustve
bought it while I had Carol in the mens room.
Whatd you want me to take her in the mens room
for anyway? It was awful. There was a guy pounding
on the
Hey, Mom! This from Billy, who had ranged up
behind Tony. You know what? Pop ran spang into
the station wagon!
Get back in the truck.
Stay here, Billy. Its Sharons turn to ride in the
truck anyway. Were going to eat right here, right
now.
Aw, gee, I didnt get to ride but a little tiny bit.
Did you buy some choclit maltits, Mom? I bet I
could drink seven
Gosh, honey, said Tony, lets go on at least
until we find a place with some hot coffee and
Is there a bathroom here? demanded Linda at
the top of her voice. I got to
Yeh, and a bathroom, finished Tony.
I will not drive another inch with this hungry
baby and these screaming children and my back
hurts.
Well, I say lets go on, said Tony firmly, and
then wheedled, Come on, honey. You know youll
be glad you did.
At that moment the cat, having reversed his orbit,
caromed off the windshield and shot out the window
as if he had been launched with boosters.
You win, said Tony. Itll take an hour to round
him up. Wheres that dinner?
Right here, said Atty composedly. She reached
back of the seat and Oh!
She gingerly lifted out a square white cardboard
box and opened it. Tony said, What did you get?
Cheeseburgers, said Atty in stricken tones, two
with catchup and relish. Milk. Tomato juice. Dill
pickles. Black coffee and rice pudding. Andshe
peered downblueberry pie. Here, dear. Im not
hungry.
Tony thrust his head in a little farther and, in the
glow from the dome light, gazed into the box. It took
a moment for his eyes to orient, as sometimes happens
with an unexpected close-up on a TV screen:
what is that? and then he found himself looking
down on what looked like the relief map of some
justifiably forgotten, unwanted archipelago. In a sea
of cold curdled milk and tomato juice was a string of
hamburger islands on whose sodden beaches could
be seen the occasional upthrust prow of a wrecked
and sunken dill pickle. Just under the surface blue-berries
bobbed, staring up at him like tiny cataracted
eyeballs. Over to the northeast, a blunt island of rice
pudding gave up its losing battle and, before his
eyes, disappeared under the waves.
Im not hungry either, Tony said. Atty looked at
him and tears started from her lids.
I put it on edge, she said, tapping the limp box.
It seemed to take up so much room lying flat. And
suddenly she began to laugh.
Whatcha got? Whatcha got? demanded Billy,
and when, wordless, his father had brought out the
box, he happily plunged in with both grimy hands.
Boy, oh boy, pickles...
They left it with him and began the complex process
of getting the companys bladders wrung out in
the roadside bushes.
The four-year-old Sharon, woke contentedly in the
back of the station wagon. She unwound her blanket
and stretched. She was content; it had been a happy
dream. She couldnt remember it, but it must have
been a happy one because of the way she felt now.
She lay drowsily listening to sounds near and far.
A wild scream, and Mommy! Mom-meeee! Billy
frowed sand on my bottom!
Billy!
Protestingly, No, I didnt shes a liar and I didnt
throw nothing I kicked it a little.
Daddy: Honey, wheres that little pack of Kleenex?
Mommy: Carols got it, dear. In the bushes.
Daddy: Are you out of your MIND? The truck
registrations in there!
Puss-puss-puss! Here, puss... Bang bang with
a spoon on the cats aluminum feeding dish.
Sharon became aware of the clean cool smell of
fresh air, and the open tailgate near by. She slid
silently out so that mean old Billy wouldnt see her
and, clutching Mary Lou (an eyeless, naked, broken-footed,
mattress-haired doll which was, above all
things on earth, Sharons most beloved), she slid into
the dark bushes. Dont be fraid, she told Mary
Lou. Its the friendly dark. She pressed on, stopped
once to look back and be comforted at the beacon-like glow
from the lights of car and the truck, and
then slipped over a ridge into velvety shadow, so
dark that it seemed to be darkness itself that swallowed
almost all sound from the road.
Now that ol Billy never find us, said Sharon to
Mary Lou.
At the road, Atty said to Tony, I dont feel tired,
dear, just numb. Lets go all the way and get it over
with.
Yeah. Maybe we can slide into a dog-wagon and
get a hot cup of coffee while the kids sleep.
I wouldnt risk it, said Atty positively. Theyll
sleep now and it will be quiet, and for the sake of a
little quiet I can stand an empty stomach. Ive had a
belly full.
Yes, dear, said Tony. So well drive all the way.
Next stop, the new house.
Later, in the truck, Linda said sleepily, Isnt it
Sharons turn with me in the truck, Daddy?
And Tony squinted into the windshield and said,
Hmm? Sharon? Oh, she slept through the whole
thing.
And in the station wagon, Billy called, Hey, Mom,
wheres Sharon?
Atty said, Shh. The babys asleep. Its Sharons
turn to ride with Daddy. Go to sleep.
At which time Sharon stood on the ridge, turning
round and round and looking for the guiding loom of
lights. There was none, not anywhere but in the
changing canyons of the cloudy sky where the stars
peeped through. Turning and turning, Sharon lost
the road, and herself was lost.
Reely, its the friendly dark, she shakily assured
her doll. In the friendly (oh please be friendly) dark
she began to walk carefully, and after a while she
heard running water.
Chapter 13
What Gurlick had built was not, in actuality, a
matter receiver, although it acted as if such a thing
were a possibility. It was, rather, a receiver and
amplifier for a certain band in the
thought spectrumeach of these terms
being analogous and general.
The first receiver, and its be-Gurlicked attachments,
turned information into manipulation, and constructed
from the elemental samples Gurlick had supplied it a
second and much more efficient machine of far greater
capacity. This in turn received and manipulated yet a
third receiver and manipulator; and this one was a
heavy-duty device. The process was, in essence, precisely
that of the sailor who takes a heaving-line to
draw in a rope which brings him a hawser. In a brief
span of hours, machines were making machines to
use available matter to make machines which would
scout out and procure locally unavailable matter,
which was returned to the site and used by other
machines to make yet others, all specialized, and
certain of these in immense numbers.
Gurlick came unbidden out of that dream, where
he sat on the bank on the pile of clothes, shiny black
and red and an edge of lacy white, and was greeted
(Hello, Handsome) by her who so boldly (after he
refused to go away) began to come up out of the
water, slowly and gleaming in the sunlight, the water
now down to her waist, and as she began to smilehe
awoke in the midst of an incredible clanking city.
Around him were row upon row of huge blind machines, spewing forth more machines by the moment: tanklike things with long snake necks and heads
surrounded by a circlet of trumpets; silver balls ten
feet in diameter which now and then would flick
silently into the air, too fast to be believed, too
silent; low, wide, massive devices which slid snail-like along roads of their own making, snouted with
projectors which put out strange beams which would
have been like light if they were not cut off at the far
end as if by an invisible wall; and with these beams
sniffing along the rocks, some of which trembled and
slumped; and then there would be a movement up
the beam to the machine, and from behind the machine
silvery ingots were laid like eggs while fine
cold dust gouted off to the side.
Gurlick awoke surrounded by this, blinking and
staring stupidly. It was some minutes later that he
realized where he wasatop a column of earth, ten
feet in diameter and perhaps thirty feet high. All
around for hundreds of yards the ground had been
excavated and... used. At the edge of his little
plateau was a small domed box which, when his eye
fell on it, popped open and slid a flat bowl of hot,
mushlike substance toward him. He picked it up and
smelled it. He tasted it, shrugged, grunted, raised
the bowl to his lips and dozed its contents into his
mouth with the heel of his hand. Its warmth in his
belly was soothing, then puzzling, then frightening,
the way it grew. He put his hands to his belt-line,
and abruptly sat down, staring at his numb and disobedient
legs. Dazed, he looked out across the busy
scene and saw approaching him a stilted device with
endless treads for feet and a turtlelike housing, perhaps a
dozen feet in diameter. It straddled his imprisoning column
of earth, achieving a sort of mechanical tiptoe, and the
carapace began to descend
over him and all his perch like a great slow candle-snuffer.
He now could not speak, nor could he sit up
any longer; he fell back and lay helpless, staring up
and silently screaming...
But as the device, its underside alive with more
wriggling tool-tipped limbs than has a horseshoe crab,
slowly covered him he was flooded with reassurance
and promise, a special strength (its specialty: to make
him feel strong but in no wise be strong) and the
nearest thing to peace that he had ever known. He
was informed that he was to undergo a simple operation,
and that it was good, oh, good.
Chapter 14
Why could he not be a policeman like other police, who
begin with a crime and follow the criminal
forward to his arrest, instead of backward and backward
until the day he was born? He has asked and
asked, smelling my cold, old footprints from here to
Ancona and from Ancona to Villafresca and from
there back and back to the house of the Corfu shepherd,
Pansoni. He will find nothing there because
the house is gone, Pansoni dead, the sheep slaughtered,
the trail cold. But, finding nothing there, he
has leaped backward in time to find me arriving
there as an infant, and back and back through the
orphanage and everywhere else, until he sees me
carried whistling out of the bomb ruins near Anzio.
Perhaps he needs to find nothing more about me.
He has found what no one else has known... I may
not have known it myself... the thread that runs
through all I have done. Who could have known that
cutting the hard black hose by the bus wheel, stamping
the old mans legs against the curbstone, throwing
the kerosene rags into the print shopall were... acts of... music?
I moan and hump myself backward to the dark
climbing space behind the wall, and fell scrabbling
down and backward to floor level. I press aside the
loose plywood and stand shaking, aching in the room.
I am caked with dried sweat and dirt; cold, hungry,
frightened. I hobble to the door, beginning to sob
again, that soft bouncing staccato. It frightens me
more. The iron door is locked. I am still more frightened. I shake the door and then run away from it
and sink down on my knees by the bed, looking up,
right, left, to see what is after me.
What could be after me?
I look under the bed. It is there, the black leather
cheek of the violin case. The violin is after me.
Kill it, then.
I put my hand under the bed, a thumb-tip at the
bottom, fingertips at the top, just enough to hold, as
if the thing were going to be hot. I draw it out. It is
not hot. The sound it makes, scraping along the
rough concrete floor, is like the last water shouting
and belching down a drain, and when it stops I hear
the strings faintly ringing.
I open a steel clasp at the side. Once I am running
from someone and hide in a dark cellar; I go around
a heap of fallen timbers and back into a dark corner;
behind me a rat squeaks once and leaps at me and,
as I duck, scratches my shoulder and neck and I hear
its yellow fangs come together as it squeaks again:
squeak-click! all at once. Now in the dark silence the
clasp of the violin case squeak-clicks just the same,
and I feel the same blinding flash of terror. I kneel
limp by the bed, wait until the heart-thunder goes
out of my ears.
I do not want to see this violin; with all my soul I
do not, and like someone watching a runaway truck
bear down on a dog in the street, helpless and horrified,
I kneel there and watch my hands lift the case
and set it on the bed, open the other two clasps, turn
back the lid.
Sheep gut, horse hair, twigs and shingles.
I put out a finger, slip it under the neck, lift the
violin up far enough to rest half out of the case, take
away my finger and look at it. It weighs nothing. It
makes a sound as I lift it, like the distant opening of a
door. I look at the pegs, and they take my eye along
to the scroll, down, up, around, around again, around
to spin dizzily somewhere down in the shining wood.
I put my hands over my face and kneel there shaking.
Guido moves like the night windMassoni said it
himself. Guido is a natural thing like holocaust, like
hurricane, and no one knows where he will strike
next. Guido fears nothing.
Then why crouch here like a fascinated bird staring into
the jaws of a serpent? The violin will not
bite. The violin is nothing to fear. It is mute now; it
is only when it makes music that
Is music something to fear?
Yes, oh yes.
Music is a pressure inside, welling up and ready to
burst out and fill the room, fill the world; but let a
note of it escape and blam! the hard hand of Pansoni,
the Corfu shepherd, bruises the music back into the
mouth, or clubs down hard on the nape, so that you
pitch forward and lie with your mouth full of sand
and speckles of pain dancing inside the eyeballs.
Pansoni can hear music before it is born, lying like
too much food just under the solar plexus; and there
he will kick you before ever a note can escape. Be six
years old, seven, and tend the sheep in the rocky
hills, you alone with the stones and the wind and the
soft filthy silly sheep; sit on a crag and sing all the
notes he has crushed in his hut, and he will come
without a sound and slip up behind you and knock
you spinning and sliding down the mountain.
And in time you learn. You learn that to hum is to
ask for that ready hard hand, to whistle a note is to
be thrown out into the cold night and to cower there
until daylight without a crust to eat. You feel the
music rising within you and before it can sound its
first syllable you look up and his bright black eyes
are on you, waiting. So... you learn that music is
fear, music is pain... and deep, deep underneath,
waiting until you are tall as a man and almost strong
as a man, music is revenge; music is anger. You
understand Pansoni, why he does these things. Pansoni
knows that the music in you is remarkablethat is to
say, noticeable, and there is that about Pansoni which
strikes down whatever is noticeable as soon as it
shows itself. Pansoni will not risk rumors in the
countryside of the shepherds boy who can sing any
aria from any opera, whistle an entire violin concerto
after hearing it once. Pansoni is a smuggler. Pansoni
and his sheep and his boy Guido cannot be seen
against the brown rocks and shadows of the seaside
hills, and he will naturally extinguish, in this music-dyed map on which we crawl, the mighty beacon of
melody which waits in the breast and brain of his
ragged, beaten Guido.
Never look back, never look back, and damn you,
Massoni, damn you, violin, you have made me look
back!
I take my hands from my face and look at the
violin. It has not moved nor spoken, nor has the
scroll unfurled, nor the strings loosed themselves to
reach for me like tentacles. My one finger lifted it
and put it so, half out of its bed. It is only obedient,
and... and beautiful...
I get to my feet. How long have I knelt there? My
knee hurts, my foot is asleep. I take up the violin. It
weighs nothing. My hand on its neck is at home; the
smooth wood snugs down into my palm like part of
the flesh. I squeeze it; it is strong and unyielding,
not at all as fragile as it ought to be.
Squeezing it has brought the sound-box end close
to me; I let it come and it touches my shoulder,
throat, chin. Someone has intimately known the curve
of my chin and left jaw; I turn my head a fraction,
raise the fingerboard a fraction, and my chin and the
ebony rest are one. I stand holding the violin like
this for a long time, overcome with amazement, so
much that there is no room for fear. I become aware
of my chest, expanded as if to utter a note to be
heard round the earth, my feet placed apart and
ready to balance me when with my music I tilt the
world. It is a sort of flight; my weight diminishes, my
strength increases.
I take up the bow, thumb here, here the index
and second fingers, the little finger straight and rigid
and angling down as a prop to bear all the weight of
the bow. Up elbow, down shoulder a bit... there:
so if there is a plank across shoulder, elbow, wrist
and a full glass on it, not a drop is spilled.
I balance there a long time, until the muscles of
shoulder and back begin to pain me. It comes to me
that this is the hurting of weariness but not of strain,
and to me, strangely, this knowledge is a glory.
I take down the bow, I take down the violin. I
stand with one in each hand looking at them. I have
not made a sound with them, but I will. A door has
opened and let in music. A door has opened and let
out fear. I need not make a note with this instrument
to discover whether or not the dead hand of Pansoni
will strike. If it took a note of music to be sure, then
I would not be sure; I would fear him still. I have
become that free; it need not be tested.
Massoni has given me the lesson, Massoni has
given me my freedom. I am grateful to Massoni now,
and will do him this service: since the prevention of
my crimes and the release of my terror of anything
musical are things which come first with him (for is
he not first a thinking policeman and only second a
violinist?) I shall permit him to give me also his
violin. Thank you, Massoni: thank you; it is a wondrous
change you have brought about in Guido.
I find a stiff sharp knife among Massonis things,
and a piece of iron wire, and in timemore time
than this usually takes me, but then I am not as I
wasI get the door unlocked.
I put the violin in its case and put the case under
my flapping old trench coat, and I take my leave of
Massoni and all things which have brought him into
my life. For this violin, this spout for the music
which boils within me, I have exchanged all other
things I have been and done.
I shall kill anyone who tries to take it away from
me.
Chapter 15
So while it built its machines to fuse (again)
the scattered psyche of humanity, it got
Gurlickgoodandready.
Chapter 16
In unison the two men squalled in terror, and
then training dictated the outcome. The thief, who
for most of his years had lifted nothing but other
peoples property, and that at irregular intervals,
scrambled and slipped and fell flat again. Mbala,
whose reflexes always placed action before conjecture,
was up out of a sound sleep and a remaining
cloud of stupidity-withdrawal, uttering a curdling
battle screech, and plunging his assegai into his
prostrate enemys back before he was at all consciously
aware. The prone man shrieked in agony, but it was
the wrong shriek, as well as the wrong impact felt by
Mbalas schooled hands. Apparently there had been
enough stupidity left in that blazing moment to cause
Mbala to handle his weapon as it lay, so that it was
not the wide, long blade which presented itself to
the thiefs shoulders, but the bruising end of the shaft.
Mbala! Mbala! Dont kill me! I am your brother,
Mbala!
Mbala, about to whirl his weapon end for end and
settle the matter, checked himself and drove the haft
down again. His prisoner, attempting to rise, fell flat
again.
Nuyu!
Yes, Nuyu, your own brother, your own dear
brother. Let me up, Mbala! I havent done anything
to you!
Im standing on a bag of yams, growled Mbala.
For that you die, Nuyu.
No! No, you cant! I am the son of the brother of
your father! Your father wants me spared! Nuyu
screamed. Did he not turn your spear wrong-end-to
when you first struck at me? Well, didnt he? Nuyu
insisted when Mbala seemed to hesitate.
Fury and disillusion made Mbala say, My father
is gone from here. He shifted suddenly, literally
vaulting from his stance beside the prone man to one
astride him, facing the feet, with his own heelbones
pressing the fleshy part of the armpits flat to the
ground. In pitch darkness it was done with amazing
accuracy. In the moment when the warriors weight
was on the spear and pivoting, Nuyu uttered a short
shrill scream, thinking his moment had come. As the
rock-hard heels captured his armpits he grunted and
arched his back and began flailing his legs.
Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!
Mbala reversed his spear at last. Hold still, he
said irritably. You know I cant see.
U-Uncle!
Now you call on him. Now you fear the demon. Now
you believe, eh, thief? Mbala taunted. By touch
alone, he drew the needle point across the mans
kidneys, barely enough to part the skin. Nuyu squalled
abominably and began to weep. Uncle, uncle...
he sobbed and then abruptly was silent and motionless.
Mbala knew that trick well and was prepared for
it, but when he began to see his shadow stretching
away, lumping across the vetch and lost in the thorns,
he forgot about trickery.
Uncle... Nuyu moaned... There was a new
note to his weeping: hope, was it? And something
else?
Nuyu lay with his head toward the yam patch,
Mbala stood with his back to it. The patch was roughly
circular, with the tubers scattered randomly in it. A
thick rim of the vetch bushes bordered it back to the
thorns. Almost exactly at the four midpoints of the
compass stood four ships prow monoliths. The mound
on which the patch lay must at one time have been
an almost conical rock mount, before some forgotten
cataclysm split it exactly in two, northeast to southwest,
and again in two, northwest to southeast. Settling and erosion
had widened the crossed canyons
until they took the form which Mbalas dead father
had found. In the native language the place was
called Giants Mouth, and it was said that a mans
shout from the center of the yam patch could be
heard for a days journey in every direction.
Uncle, oh uncle, Nuyu wept, with such a passion
in his voice that Mbala bent curiously to look at
him. He was bending his head back and up at an
almost impossible angle, and his eyes strained at the
roofs of their sockets. His dark face was... silver.
Mbala sprang away from him, whirling about in
the air. He came down crouching, staring up at the
silver ball which floated down the sky. It halted
perhaps ten feet above the center of the yam patch
and stayed motionless.
Nuyu made a sound. Mbala glanced quickly down
at him and, without understanding why, without trying
to, he bent and helped the other man to his feet.
They stood close together, watching.
Like a moon, Mbala murmured. He glanced
at the silvered landscape and back again to the object. It has a
brilliant, steady radiance, which fantastically
left no after-image on the retina.
He came, said the thief. I called him and he
came.
It might be a demon.
You doubt your own father?
Mbala said, Father... And the sphere sank to
the center of the yam patch. Then it opened.
There were doors completely around the object,
all hinged at their upper edges, so that when they
opened they formed a sort of awning all around the
sphere. A beam of light fanned out to the north, but
it was like no light Mbala had ever seen. It was
mauve with flickers of green, and though the air was
clear and the walls of the crossed canyons brilliantly
lighted by the sphere, it was impossible to see through
the beam. Not only that, but the beam did not fade
or spread from the source outward, and terminated
as sharply as if it played on a wall, which it did not.
This odd square end of the light beam pressed outward
from the ship until it reached the margin of
vetch, and nosed into it. There was a sound like
water over rapids, hissing, churning, crackling. There
almost seemed to be something moving back up the
light beam into the ship, but one could not be sure.
The light pressed slowly outward through the vetch
to the edge of the surrounding thorn trees and
stopped. No, not stopped. It was scything away from
them, moving slowly, and the square end was adjusting
itself to the encroachments and retreats of the thorn.
Where it had passed the vetch was gone, and
where it had been the bare ground was powdered
with a white substance unlike anything they had ever
seen. After a few minutes it changed and the ground
seemed moist.
Can you doubt now? murmured Nuyu. Who
but your father would clear your land?
They stood in awe, watching the sphere clear the
land. When it seemed reasonable to get out of its
way they backed to the thorn and slipped through. If
the sphere and its beam noticed them or their going,
it made no sign. It just went on collecting and processing
astralagus vetch, a weed with a high affinity
for selenium. When it had all it could get from this
pocket, it clicked shut, took a picture of the site, and
leaped into the sky, where at ten thousand feet it
switched on its sensors, located another patch of
vetch to the north, and flashed away after the only
thing it knew how to care aboutselenium, from
astralagus.
Mbala and Nuyu crept cautiously out on the new
ground and looked around in the paling dawnlight.
Nuyu touched the ground with his hand. It was wet,
and cold. He saw some of the white material in a
hole and picked it up. It disappeared in his hand,
leaving only a few drops of water. He grunted and
wiped his hand on his kilt. What was another miracle
at a time like this.
Mbala was still staring at the sky. Nuyu said, Will
you kill me?
Mbala brought his gaze down from the disappearing stars
and gave it to Nuyus face. He looked at it
for a long while, and from all Nuyu could see there
was no change in Mbalas expression at all; he looked
at him as one will at distant lights. I lost my father,
he said at last, because he let my yams be stolen. So
I did not believe. But you believed, and he saved
you, and he came back again. I will not kill you,
Nuyu.
I died, Nuyu breathed. Nuyu the unbeliever
died when he saw your father. He bent and picked
up the sack of yams and extended them to Mbala.
Nuyu the thief died, said Mbala. The yams are
yours and mine, forever in tomorrow and forever in
yesterday. There has been no thief, then, Nuyu.
They went back to the kraal to tell the women
they would have a lot of new work tomorrow. As
Nuyu passed the witch doctor, the old man reached
out unseen and touched Nuyus kilt. Then the witch
doctor held the touching hand in his other, and
hugged them against his chest. What he got from
Nuyu he could have gotten from his mere presence.
He knew that, but nevertheless he touched the kilt.
The touch was a symbol the old man needed, and so
he took and treasured it. He said to Mbala, Your
demon is dead, then.
At that Mbala and Nuyu smiled at one another,
the devout and the convert, richly content with faith
and full of wonder.
Chapter 17
So the factory-area rumbled to silence, and the
noiseless spheres swept over the storage yard and
scooped up their clusters of long-necked projectors,
fell away up with them, flashed away to all the corners
of earth, ready to place the projectors wherever
their emanations (part sound, part something else)
would reach masses of humans. They could not reach
all humans, but they would reach most, and the
established hive would then draw in the rest. No
human would escape, none could; none would want
to. Then, somewhere in this flawless, undivided,
multi-skilled entity, Gurlick would plant a tiny fleck
of himself, and at the instant of fusion between it and
a living ovum, the Medusa would spread through it
like crystallization through a supersaturated solution.
Chapter 18
She was, after all, only four years old.
By ten in the morning she was aching hungry, and
by noon it was just awful. She whimpered and stopped
for a while to cry hard, but after a time she got up
again and kept on. The ocean couldnt be terribly far
away after a person walks so far. (It was another
twelve hundred miles, but she could not know that.)
In the afternoon she had slept for a while, and when
she awoke she found some wild raspberries on a
bush. She ate all she could find until she was stung by
a yellowjacket and ran away screaming. She found her
little stream again and kept on going until it was dark.
Now it was very late and she was dying. She felt
better than she had, because she felt nothing at all
very much, except hungry. The hunger had not diminished
with her other sensations, but it had the virtue
of blanketing them. Fear and cold and even loneliness
were as unnoticeable, in the presence of that dazzle
of hunger, as stars at noon. In the excitement of
packing, and on the two days of traveling, she had
eaten little, and she had rather less to fall back on
than most four-year-olds, which is little enough.
It was after midnight, and her troubled sleep had
long since turned into a darker and more dangerous
condition. Cramped limbs no longer tingled, and the
chilly air brought no more shivers. She slept squatting,
with her back and side against a nook of rock.
Later she might topple over, very possibly too weak
to move at all but for some feeble squirmings. Yet
She heard a sound, she raised her head. She saw
what at first she thought was a Christmas tree ornament,
a silver ball with a dangle of gewgaws under
it, in midair a few inches from her face. She blinked
and resolved it into something much larger, much
farther away, coming down out of the night sky. She
heard a snarling howl. She looked a little higher, and
was able to identify the running lights of a small
airplane streaking down out of the high overcast.
Sharon rose to her feet, holding the rock wall to
steady herself while her congealed blood began to
move. She saw the globe about to land on clear,
ground at the top of a knoll three miles away. She
saw the airplane strike it dead center while it was
still thirty feet off the ground, and then plane, globe,
and cargo were a tangled, flaming ruin on the hill.
She watched it until it died, and then lay down to
finish her own dying.
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
These were people, there are anecdotes of the
night the world ended; this the night when people
the world over thought their thoughts and lived their
lives and at long, long last were wrong in thinking
that tomorrow was the front part of today, yesterday
the back, and that the way to go on was to go on as
before.
This was the night, and the very moment, when
Paul Sanders rose from the couch, lifted Charlotte
Dunsay in his arms, and said, Well, if it isnt now, it
never will be...
When young Guido strode a pre-dawn Rome, his
very bones aching with music and a carven miracle
under his arm, waiting the ardent reach of his unshackled
talent. No lover, no miser, no acolyte on
earth loved money or woman or Master more than
Guido loved this violin; no whelping fox or wounded
water-buffalo so watchful for an enemy...
When the cousins Mbala and Nuyu, the redeemed
backslider and the convert, turned into a new and
glorious day of faith and many yams...
When Henry, who was five, lay stiffly in his bed
and sniffled through a dream of smiling cruelties in a
place quite like all other places to him, where he was
despised...
When Dimity Carmichaels dutiful alarm preceded
the sunrise and she rose in her sensible cotton gown
and made ready, eyes averted, to take her morning
shower...
When Sharon Brevix entered the dusk and the
dark of her second lost day without shelter or food...
Only motes among the millions, remarked upon
for that about them which is remarkable, yet different
only insofar as each is different from, or is
different within, the pattern of qualities possessed two and
three quarter billion living times under this sun.
Chapter 21
There was nothing said, because there was in that
moment nothing to be said. In a split second there
was orientation of a transcendent naturenothing as
crude as mutual mind-reading, but an instant and
permeating acknowledgment of relationships: I to
you, we to the rest of the world; the nature of a final
and overriding decision, and the clear necessity of
instant and specific action. Together Paul Sanders
and Charlotte Dunsay left her apartment. The hallway
was full of people in all stages of dressall
moving wordlessly, purposefully. No one paid Charlotte,
in her transparent gown, the slightest attention.
They walked to the elevator bank. She paused
before it with a half dozen other people, and he
opened the door of the fire stairs and sprang up them
two at a time. Emerging on the roof, he went to the
kiosk which sheltered the elevator motor and cables,
twisted off the light padlock with one easy motion,
opened the door, and entered. He had never been
here before in his life; yet without hesitation he
reached to the left and scooped up a five-foot slice-bar which lay across the grating, and ran with it back
down the fire stairs.
Without glancing at floor numbers, he left the fire
stairs on the fourth floor, turned left and ran down
the hall. The last door on the right opened as he
reached it; he did not glance at the old lady who held
it for him, nor did she speak. He sped through a
foyer, a living room, and a bedroom, opened the
window at the far right and climbed out.
There was a narrow ledge on which he could barely
keep his balance and carry the heavy bar as well, yet
he managed it. The chief enemy of a balancing man
is the poison of fear which permeates him: Ill fall! Ill
fall! but Paul felt no fear at all. He made a rapid
succession of two-inch sidewise shuffles until he
reached the big eyebolt from which there thrust, out
and down, the huge chain supporting one end of a
massive theater marquee. Here he turned sidewise
and squatted, brought his bar up over his shoulder,
and, reaching down, thrust the tip through the fourth
link of the chain. Then he waited.
The street belowwhat he could see of itseemed
at first glance to be normally tenanted, with about as
many people about as one might expect at this hour
of a Saturday night. But then it could be seen that
nobody strolledeveryone walked briskly and with
purpose; one or two people ran, the way they ran
indicating running to, not from anything. He saw
Charlotte Dunsay across the street, swinging along
on her bare feet, and enter a showroom where computing
machines were on display. Though the place
had been closed since noon, it was now open and
lighted, and full of people silently and rapidly working.
There came a sound, and more than a sound, a
deep pervasive ululation which seemed at first to be
born in all the air and under the earth, sourceless.
But as it grew louder, Paul heard it more from his
left, and finally altogether from the corner of the
building. Whatever was making that sound was crawling
slowly up the street to take its place at the
intersection, a major one where three avenues crossed.
Patiently, Paul Sanders waited.
Chapter 22
Henry had been aware for some time of the all but
subsonic hooting and of its rapid increase in volume
as he ran. When he reached the big intersection, he
saw the source of the sound on the same street he
ran on, but past the corner where the theater stood.
It was a heavy tanklike machine, surmounted by a
long flexible neck on top of which four horns, like
square megaphones or speakers, emitted the sound.
The neck weaved back and forth, tilting the horns
and changing their direction in an elaborate repetitive
motion, which had the effect of adding a slow
and disturbing vibrato to the sound.
Henry dashed across the street and under the
side-street marquee. He came abreast of the thing
just as it was about to enter the intersection. Without
breaking stride, Henry turned and dove straight
into the small space between the drive-spindle of the
machines tread and its carrier rollers. His blood
spouted, and on it the spindle spun for a moment;
the other track, still driving, caused the machine to
swerve suddenly and bump up on the sidewalk under the marquee.
Paul Sanders, at the very instant the child had
leapt, and before the small head and hands entered
the machines drive, leaned out and down and jammed
the chisel point of his slice-bar hard through the
fourth link of the chain. Plunging outward, his momentum
carried the bar around the chain and, as his
weight came upon it, gave the chain a prodigious
twist. The eyebolt pulled out of the building wall
with a screech, and the corner of the marquee sagged
and then, as the weight of the chain came upon it,
and Paul Sanderss muscular body with it, the marquee
let go altogether and came hammering down on
the machine. In a welter of loose bricks, sheet-tin,
movie-sign lettering and girders, the machine heaved
mightily, its slipping treads grating and shrieking on
the pavement. But it could not free itself. Its long
neck and four-horned head twitched and slammed
against the street for a moment, and then the deep
howl faded and was gone, and the head slumped
down and lay still.
Four men ran to the wreckage, two of them pushing a dolly
on which rode an oxyacetylene outfit.
One man went instantly to work taking measurements
with scale, micrometer and calipers. Two others
had the torch going in seconds and fell to work
testing for a portion of the machine which might be
cut away. The fourth man, with abrasive rasps and a
cold chisel, began investigating the dismantling of
the thing.
And meanwhile, in unearthly silence and with
steady determination, people passed and repassed,
on foot, in cars, and went about their business. No
crowd collected. Why should it? Everybody knew.
The sphere dropped rapidly to the yam patch,
which, judging from the photograph taken by the
selenium miner, seemed an ideal position for a projector to
land, to send forth its commanding, mesmerizing waves.
The sphere set down its burden and started up
again without pause, swift as a bouncing ball. The
projector began its wavering bass hooting which swept
out through the echoing clefts of the great split rock,
rolled down upon the villagers, and silenced their
chant as if it had blotted it up.
There was a momentmere secondsof frozen inaction,
and then half the warriors turned as one man
and plunged away through the jungle. The rest, and
all the women and children, drew together, over
four hundred of them, and poured swiftly up the
slope toward the yam patch. No one said a word or
made a sound; yet when they choked the space between
two of the stone steeples, half the people ran
into the clearing, skirting its edge, while half squatted
where they were, blocking their avenue from
side to side. The runners reached the north opening,
filled it, and also squatted, wordless and waiting.
Directly across from the first group, in the westward opening, there was movement as one, two, a
dozen, a hundred heads appeared, steadily and quietly approaching. It was the Ngubwe, neighboring
villagers with whom there was a tradition, now quiescent, of wife-stealing and warfare going back to the
most ancient days. Mbalas people and the Ngubwe,
though aware of each other at all times, were content
to respect each others privacy and each cultivate his
own garden, and for the past thirty years or so there
had been room enough for everybody.
Now three openings to the rock-rimmed plateau
were filled with squatting, patient natives. Even the
babies were silent. For nearly an hour there was no
sound but the penetrating, disturbing howl of the
projector, no motion but its complex, hypnotic pattern of weavings and turnings. And then there was a
new sound.
Blast after shrill blast, the angry sound approached,
and the waiting people rose to their feet. The women
tore their clothes to get bright rags, the men filled
their lungs and emptied them, and filled them again,
getting ready.
Through the open southern gateway four warriors
erupted, howling and capering. Hard on their heels
came a herd of furious elephants, three, foursevennine
in all, one old bull, two young ones, four cows
and two calves, distraught, angry, goaded beyond
bearing. The fleeing warriors separated, two to the
right, two to the left, sprinted to and disappeared in
the crowds waiting there. The big bull trumpeted
shrilly, wheeled, and charged to the right, only to
face nearly two hundred shrieking, capering people.
He swerved away, his momentum carrying him along
the rock wall and to the second opening, where he
met the same startling cacophony. The other elephants, all
but one young bull and one of the calves,
thundered along behind him, and when he drew up
as if to wheel and attack the second group, he was
pounded and pressed from behind by his fellows. By
now quite out of his mind, he put up his trunk,
turned his mighty shoulders against those who pressed
him, and found himself glaring at this noisy, shining
thing in the center of the clearing.
He shrieked and made for it. It moved on its
endless treads, but not swiftly enough, nor far enough,
nor in enough places at once to avoid the tons of
hysteria which struck it. The elephants tore off its
howling head and its neck in three successive broken
bits, and shouldered it over on its side and then on
its back. The howling stopped with deafening suddenness
when the head came off, but the tracks kept
treading the air for minutes after it was on its back.
In Baffin Land a group of Eskimo hunters stood
transfixed, watching a projector squatting comfortably
on mounded and impassable pack ice and, in the
crisp air, bellowing its message across the wastes to
the ears of four and possibly five widely scattered
settlements. The hunters had not long to wait; high
above the atmosphere a mighty Atlas missile approached, and, while still well below their horizon,
released a comparatively tiny sliver, the redoubtable
Hawk. The little Hawk came shrieking out of the
upper air, made a wide half-circle to kill some of its
excess velocity, and then zeroed in on the projector
with the kind of accuracy the old-time Navy bombardiers would brag about: I dropped it right down his
stack.
From then on missiles got most of the projectors,
though in crowded areas, other means were found.
In Bombay a projector took its greatest tollone
hundred and thirty-six, when a mob simply overran
one of the machines and tore it to pieces with their
bare hands. And in Rome one man despatched four
of them and came out of it unscathed.
(A man?)
(Unscathed?)
Chapter 23
I stop and look down the hill, across to the other
hill, and I listen as I have never listened before, and
I make a great finding, one of those large things you
come to know while realizing that others have always
known it. How many, many times have I heard a
man say wind sings in the wires, a musical waterfall,
the melody in certain laughter. But in fighting music
all these years, I have not known, I have not let
myself hear all these words, nor the music which is
their meaning.
I hear it now, because through owning this violin,
something has happened to me. I hear the city singing
while it sleeps, and I hear a singing which would
sweetly cry among these hills if the city had never
existed, and will cry here when it is gone.
It is as if I have new ears, yes, and a new mind
and heart to go with them. I think, in the morning,
when this world wakes, oh, I shall hear, I shall hear...
and I lose the thought for its very size, thinking
about what I am to hear from now on.
I go on to my hiding place. Guidos studio, I think,
laughing. When they built the new highway into the
city, they cut away the end of a crooked, narrow
little street which used to climb the hill. Right at the
top were two small houses, built Italian land style,
four square stone walls which they filled with earth,
then lay a four-sided dome of plaster on the earth,
then dug away the earth when the plaster was hardened.
These little houses will stand for a thousand
years. The two I know of were buried by the embankment
of the new road, where it comes near the
hilltop on its stilts and curves across to the other hill.
I found the houses when I escaped once from the
police. I leaped from the police car and off the road,
and down the embankment I put my leg in a hole,
and the hole was a window. The second house is
behind the first, buried completely, but there is a
door between them. Two rooms in a hillside, and
nobody knows but Guido.
I walk the new road, where it sweeps up to the
hilltop, looking out over the city and hearing the city
sing, and hearing that other music which will play,
city or not, and it is all for me, for Guido. There is
one thing which is not changed now: the world has
always been against Guido, or Guido against the
world; everything moved around Guido as its center.
It still does, but while it does, it makes music. I
laugh at this, waiting at the top of the slope for a gap
in the traffic; always careful, I will not be seen
dropping over the rail to the embankment below. I
hear a note and all sound, all singing stops for a
moment; sight too, I think, and touch; a wave, a
wrench, a great peace, and then I am back on the
high road, holding the rail, clamping my violin case
under my coat, looking at the sky. I am different.
The... meaning of I is different...
All across the city, like distant thunder heard in a
high wind, there is a whisper of breaking metal, a
twinkling of explosion and fire, and no music. To
none of this do I pay attention; I am watching that
which is slipping down out of the sky. A silver ball,
and under it, four machines like tanks, their four
long necks twined together, their four heads stacked
neatly one on the other. But for the deep hooting
which comes from these heads, they fall silently.
I take off my trench coat and let it fall. I open the
violin case, take out the violin, strike the railing once
with it, pull out the four pegs, clear away the strings
with two quick swipes, until I hold only the smooth
neck and fingerboard, which ends in the widening
curled scroll.
I run downhill as fast as I can, faster than I have
ever run before. I know I shall be met, by whom,
how, and exactly when. It is an old Hispano-Suiza
with wide flaring fenders and big yellow headlights,
driven by a woman. I see the car coming, run straight
down the middle of the road. She slows but does not
stop. I leap to the front of the car, turn, hook a knee
over the headlight brace, grasp the radiator ornament.
She is already howling up the hill; faster she
goes, and faster, all that mighty automobile can put
out.
Acceleration pressure lessens and frees me; I move
myself, get one foot on the hood and the other on
the radiator, still holding with one hand to the headlight
brace. It has all happened quickly; I have been
riding perhaps twenty, twenty-five seconds. We are
back to the top of the slope and traveling eighty,
ninety kilometers... who has made these observations
and calculations as to our speed, the slope, the
rate of descent of the globe and its machines, how
close they must pass the rail? No matter who... it
has been done, and every slightest pull of her wrists,
each lean and striving of my body against the wind,
is part of those calculations; I know it, know it is
right, without wonder and without astonishment...
for I have calculated it all; I know how; it must be
right, I know so very well how. (And I means
something new now.)
She turns to the left and the front wheels shudder
over the curb. I let go the brace and put my feet side
by side on the radiator, and as the front of the car
reaches the railing I spring up and out, flying as men
have in their hearts always wished to fly... up and
up into the dark. With my ears I know my speed, air
rushing past, diminishing as I reach the top of my arc
and begin to descend; it is in this poised moment
that I meet the machines from the sky, with my left
arm and both legs taking those intertwined metal
necks. Below me the Hispano is turning end over
end down the embankment.
I reach up with my violin neck, holding it by the
flat protruding lower end of the ebony fingerboard,
and find that with the other end, the hard curved
polished scroll, I can reach the open trumpet mouth
of the topmost head. It accepts the slight curve of
the carving exactly; I ram it home, extract it, repeat
the motion on the second, third, fourth, crushing
some delicate something in the joined throats of
each.
Then that pervasive hooting is gone, and we drift
silently for a secondbut only a second; we are on
the ground near and between two of the stilts which
support the road. A sort of curtain hangs there; as we
touch earth, this curtain topples outward and falls
across the globe. There are peoplethree women,
four men. One of the men is old, and wears nothing
but a wooden leg strapped to his thigh. One of the
women wears an ermine jacket; the tall heels are
broken off her shoes. They seize a rope and run, and
drop a steel hook into the girders of the stilt. On the
other side, a girl and a man, an impossibly fat man,
place a hook on the other side. The hard fabric of the
curtain smashes at me as I struggle freeit is one of
those enormous woven mats of steel-cored hempen
cable they use to cover rocks when dynamiting in the
city. They have captured the globe with it, casting it
like a net over birds! And the globe fights; it fights,
plunging upward, making no sound. The net holds,
the ropes hold; I hear the steel hooks crackle in the
girders as they slip and grab. The plunging stops; the
globe presses upward, trying and trying to break
free. The anchor ropes hum, the net rustles with
strain. I feel a warmth, a heat, from the globe; it
drops abruptly, plunges upward once more, but
weakly, and suddenly falls to the ground with the
rope mat shrouding it and smoking. The four tanklike
machines have not moved since they landed; with
their voices gone they have no function.
The woman in ermine and the fat man run to a
two-wheeled dolly standing under the roadway. I
run to help them. Nobody speaks. It is an acetylene
set. We drag it to the dead sphere and light it. We
begin to cut the sphere open so that Ithis new,
wide, deep, all-over-the-world Ican see what it
is, how it works.
Iand I, now, think as I work of what is
happeninga different kind of thinking than any I
have ever known... if thinking was seeing, then all
my life I have thought in a hole in the ground, and
now I think on a mountaintop. To think of any question
is to think of the answer, if the answer exists in
the experience of any other part of I. If I wonder
why I was chosen to make that leap from the car,
using all my strength and all its speed to carry me
exactly to that point in space where the descending
machines would be, then the wonder doesnt last
long enough to be called that: I know why I was
chosen, on the instant of wondering. Someone had
measured the throat of one of the tank machines;
someone knew what tool would fit it exactly and be
right to destroy it most easily. The neck and scroll of
my violin happened to be that tool, and I happened
to be on the high road with it. I might have died.
The woman driving the Hispano did die. These are
things that do not matter; one will unhesitatingly
break a fingernail in reaching to snatch a child from
the fire.
Yet, as all knowledge of the greater I is available
to me, so is all feeling. The loss of my violin before I
had made the first single note with it is a hurt
beyond bearing; its loss in so important an action
does not diminish the hurt at all. But to think of the
hurt is to know all hurts, everywhere, of all of us
who are now so strangely joined. Now there was a
little boy in America, who when it was time threw
himself into the drive of one of the tank machines
because I required that the drive slip just so much,
just at that second. It is known to me now that the
child Henry wanted hungrily to live, more than ever
in his little life before, because he had, within the
hour, experienced a half second of real peace. It hurt
him, dying; knowing him as I (as I) do, it hurts to
have him dead. Near him died a man, Paul, unhesitatingly,
feeling the most pointed loss of a woman he
desired to the moment he died, and whom he had
almost possessed a moment before. There are many
such deaths at this moment, all over the world, and
not one which I cannot feel; all are known to
methe helpless, so many of whom lie this minute
crushed in their cars and houses, who crawl numbly
away from the fires, not fast enough to get away.
These are dying too, and hurting, and even these
know Guido and Guidos loss; Unfair, unfair, they
cry as they bleed and die; you should not have lost
your violin so soon! All, all add themselves to me;
all, all understand. I belong, belong; I Guido, belong!
We have struck back with whatever would do the
job, wherever it could be found, regardless of the
cost, because no cost is too great to combat what has
come upon us.
We will take care of our own; I will defend
myself. And meanwhile the pressure of Guidos
music floods me and enriches the species, and
Guido is enriched in numberless ways to an infinite
degree. This is thinking as never before; this is living
as never before; this is a life to be defended to a
degree and in ways never before realized on this
earth... I wonder if anyone will ever speak again?
Chapter 24
Youre four and youre lost: what bothers you?
Hunger, cold, but mostly disorientationdetachment:
not knowing where to go or where they all are.
Sharon awoke where she had dozed off... rather,
where she had slipped so very far over the slippery
edge of the forever-dark. It was slippery no longer.
She was hungry, she was cold, certainly; but she
wasnt lost.
Suppose her mother were herewhat would she
do? Are you all right? Well, she was all right.
Nothing broken, no cuts; no encounters with the bestial
in any form. Her mother knew that and Sharon knew
she knew that. The closeness she felt to her mother
and to Billy and the other kids wasnt quite as nice as
having them here, and being warm and having something to eat.
But there were new ways, other ways,
that were nicernicer than anything she had ever
known. Billy nowsee how glad he was, how afraid
hed been. How much he cared. It made her feel
very good to know that Billy cared so much. It had
always been his best-kept secret.
She knew she must sleep for an hour, so she
closed her eyes and slept. It was quite a different
thing from that other sleep.
When she awoke for the second time, it was instantly and with instant motion. She bounced to her
feet no matter how stiff she felt and marked time,
double-time, on a flat rock, banging her feet until
they stung, and breathing deeply. Three minutes of
that and she struck off purposefully into the still-dark
underbrush, skipped on two stepping-stones across
the brook, and unhesitatingly went to a fallen log
where, the night before, she had seen a bright orange shelf fungus. She broke off large greedy pieces
and crammed her mouth full of them. It was delicious, and safe, too, because although most people
did not know it, someone, somewhere did know that
this particular pileus was edible.
She trotted back to the half-cave where she had
spent the night and got Mary Lou, her broken-footed
doll, and fed her some of the fungus and a few drops
of water from the brook. Then, cautioning the doll
not to say a word, she set off through the woods.
In less than an hour, and while the light was still
gray, she found herself at the edge of a meadow. She
raised a warning finger at Mary Lou, and then stood
still as a tree-trunkan unnatural act for any child
before nowand peered through the dawn-light until
she saw a rabbit. It was aware of her and fear-frozen
into exactly her immobility. Sharon outwaited
it, let it move, let it move again, let it nibble on
young clover and stare at her again and at last move
curiously closer. When it was close enough, she
pounced, not at the rabbit but at the place where the
rabbit would be when she moved. The rabbit was
there.
She transferred her grasp on the dew-damp, kicking creature
to a one-handed grip just over the joints
of the hind legs and stood up, lifting the rabbit clear
of the ground. As it hung upside down, it immediately swung
its head up and forward (as someone,
somewhere, knew it would). Sharon brought the edge
of her left hand down with a single smart chop, and
broke its neck. She squatted down, and unhesitatingly
nibbled a hole in the animals throat with her
sharp front teeth. She drank as much blood as she
needed, offered some to Mary Lou (who didnt want
any) wiped her mouth daintily with a handful of
moist grass, picked up her doll and went her purposeful way. She knew which way to go. She knew
where the road was and where a railroad was and
where three farmhouses and a hunting lodge were.
She also knew which one to go to, and that Daddy
would come to pick her up, and that she would be at
the meeting place before Daddy would, and which
cellar window she was allowed to break to get in, and
where the can opener was and how to prime the
pump to get water. It was pretty wonderful. All she
had to do was to need to know something, and if
anyone knew it, she knew it.
She walked along happily, for a while sharing a
stomach-shrinking thrill with some child, somewhere,
who was riding a roller-coaster, and for a while doing
a new kind of talking with her father. It was a tease;
hed have said to her, before: I thought you were in
the station wagon and Mummy thought you were in
the truck. Good thing we were wrong. Theredve
been two of you, and then whod wear the pink
dress? But now it came out as a kind of picture, or
maybe a memory of two Sharons screeching at each
other and pulling at the party dress, while two broken-footed
Mary Lous looked on. It was funny and she
laughed. It was more than a memory. It was all the
relieved anxiety and deep fondness and self-accusation
her Daddy felt over almost losing his
Princess-Wicked-wif-the-fickles-on-her-nose.
She reached the lodge and got in all right. After
about an hour she looked out the window and saw a
bush rattlesnake in the bare patch by the shed. She
ran to the gun-cabinet and then to the bookcase for
the box of .32 cartridges, and loaded the revolver
and put it down and got the window open a crack
and picked up the gun and braced it against the sill
and got it lined up until she, or somebody, knew it
was just right. Then she squeezed off a single shot
that eliminated the snakes head. She unloaded the
gun and ran a swab through it and put it away, and
put the shells away, and then built a play-house out
of overturned furniture and sofa cushions, in which
she and Mary Lou fell fast asleep until Tony Brevix
got there. All in all, she had a wonderful time. She
never once had to wonder whether she was allowed
to do this or thatshe knew. Most important, she
was by herself and in a new place, but she wasnt
lost. She would never be lost again. If only nothing
spoiled this, no one in the world would ever be lost
again, no, nor wonder if somebody really loved them,
or think theyd gone away and left them because
they didnt want them.
It had always been thus between Sharon and Mary
Lou, because Mary Lou knew Sharon loved her even
when she accidentally left her out in the rain or
threw her down the stairs. Now the children understood
that kind of thing as well as the dolls, and
never again would a child wonder if anyone cared, or
grow up thinking that to be loved is a privilege. Its a
privilege only to adults. To any child its a basic
right, which if denied dooms the child to a lifetime of
seeking it and an inability to accept anything but
child-style love. The way things were now, never
again would a child be afraid of growing up, or hover
anxiously near half-empty coffers so very easy to fill.
I know your need, the whole world was saying to
I, while I everywhere could understand the justice
of my needs, and the silliness of so many wants.
When Tony Brevix came into the lodge he found
her asleep. He knew she was aware of him and he
knew that her awareness would not interrupt her
slumber, not for a second. She slept smiling while he
carried her out to the station wagon.
Chapter 25
Crash!
A soft rumble and a glare of light: sky. Crash! A
brighter, unbearable flash of light on light, a sharp
smell of burning chemicals, a choking cloud of dust
and smoke and the patter-patter of falling debris.
Confusion, bewilderment, disorientation and growing
anger at the deprivation of a dream.
The sharp command to every sentience, mechanical or
not, on the entire hilltop: Get Gurlick out of
here!
A flash of silver overhead, then a strange overall
sticky, pore-choking sensation, like being coated with
warm oil, and underneath, the torn hill dwindles
away. There are still hundreds of projectors left, row
on row of them, but from the size of the terraces
where they are parked, there must have been hundreds
of thousands more. Crash! A half dozen of the
projectors bulge skyward and fall back in shatters
and shards. Look there, a flight of jets. See, two
silver spheres, dodging, dancing: then the long curve
of a seeking missile points one out, and the trail and
the burst make a bright ball on a smoky string,
painted across the sky. Crash! Crash! Even as the
scarred hill disappears in swift distance, the parked
projectors can be seen bursting skyward, a dozen
and a dozen and a score of them, pressing upward
through the rain of pieces from those blasted a breath
or a blink ago; and cra
No, not crash this time, but a point, a porthole, a
bay-window looking in to the core of hell, all the
colors and all too bright, growing, too, too big to be
growing so fast, taking the hilltop, the hillside, the
whole hill lost in the ball of brilliance.
And for minutes afterward, hanging stickily by
something invisible, frighteningly in midair under
the silver sphere, but not feeling wind or acceleration
or any of the impossible turns as the sphere
whizzes along low, hedge-hopping, ground-hugging,
back-tracking and hovering to hide; for minutes and
minutes afterward, through the drifting speckles of
overdazzled eyeballs, the pastel column can be seen
rising and rising flat-headed over the land, thousands
and thousands of feet, building a roof with eaves, the
eaves curling and curling out and down, or are they
the grasping fingers of rows and rows of what devils
who have climbed up the inside of the spout, about
to put up what hellish faces?
Bastits, Gurlick whimpered, tryin to atom-bomb
me. You tell em who I am?
No response. The Medusa was calculating, for once,
to capacityeven to its immense, infinitely varied
capacity. It had expected to succeed in unifying the
mind of humanityit had correctly predicted its
certainty of success and the impossibility of failure. But
success like this?
Like this: In the first forty minutes humanity destroyed
seventy-one percent of the projectors and
forty-three percent of the spheres. To do this it used
everything and anything that came to hand, regardless of
the cost in lives or matériel; it put out its fire
by smothering it with its mink coat. It killed its cobra
by hitting it with the baby. It moved, reactive and
accurate and almost in reflex, like a man holding a
burning stick, and as the heat increases near one
finger, it will release and withdraw and find another
purchase while he thinks of other things. It threw a
child into the drive of a projector because he fit, he
contained the right amount of the right grade of
lubricant for just that purpose at just that time. It
could understand in microseconds that the nearest
thing to the exact necessary tool for tearing the throat
out of a projector would be the neck and scroll of a
violin.
And like this: Beginning in the forty-first minute,
humanity launched the first precision weapon against
the projectors, having devised and produced a seeking
mechanism which would infallibly find and destroy
projectors (though they did not radiate in the
electromagnetic spectrum, not even infra-red) and
then made it compact enough to cram into the warhead of a
Hawk, and, further, applied the Hawk to
the Atlas. And this was only the first. In the fifty-second
minutethat is, less than an hour after the
Medusa pushed the button to unify the mind of
manhumanity was using hasty makeshifts of appalling
efficiency, devices which reversed the steering commands of
the projectors (like the one which
under its own power walked off the Hell Gate Bridge
into eighty feet of water) and others which rebroadcast
the projectors signals 180 degrees out of phase,
nullifying them. At the ninety-minute mark humanity was
knocking out two of every three flying spheres
it saw, not by accurate aiming (because as yet humanity
couldnt tool up to countermeasure inertialess turns
at six miles per second) but by an ingenious
application of the theory of random numbers, by
which they placed proximity missiles where the sphere
wasnt but almost certainly would beand all too
often was.
The Medusa had anticipated success. But, to sum
up: success like this? For hadnt the humans stamped
out every operable instrument of the Medusas
invasion (save Gurlick, about whom they couldnt know)
in just two hours and eight minutes?
This incredible species, uniquely possessed of a
defense against the Medusa (the Medusa still stubbornly
insisted) in its instant, total fragmentation at
the invaders first touch, seemed uniquely to possess
other qualities as well. It would be wisemore: it
was imperativethat Earth be brought into the fold
where it would have to take orders. HenceGurlick.
It swept Gurlick back into its confidence, told him
that in spite of the abruptness of his awakening, he
was now ready to go out on his own. It described to
him his assignment, which made Gurlick snicker like
an eight-year-old behind the barn, and assured him
that it would set up for him the most perfect opportunity its mighty computers could devise. Speed,
however, was of the essencewhich was all right
with Gurlick, who spit on his hands and made cluck-cluck noises from his back teeth and wrinkled up half
his face with an obscene wink, and snickered again to
show his willingness.
The sphere hovered now at treetop level over
heavily wooded ground, keeping out of sight while
awaiting the alien computation of the best conceivable
circumstances for Gurlicks project. This might
well have proved lengthy, based as it was on Gurlicks
partial, mistaken, romantic, deluded and down right
pornographic information, and might even have supplied
some highly amusing conclusions, since they
would have been based on logic, and Gurlicks most
certainly were not. These diverting computations were
lost, however, and lost forever when the sphere
dropped dizzyingly, released Gurlick so abruptly that
he tumbled, and informed him that he was on his
ownthe sphere was detected. Growling and grumbling,
Gurlick sprawled under the trees and watched
the sphere bullet upward and away, and a moment
later the appearance of a Hawk, or rather its trail,
scoring the sky in a swift reach like the spread of a
strain-crack in window glass.
He did not see the inevitable, but heard it in due
coursethe faint distant thump against the roof of
the world which marked the end of the spheres
existenceand very probably the end of all the
Medusas artifacts on earth. He said an unprintable
syllable, rolled over and eyed the woodlands with
disfavor. This wasnt going to be like flying over it
like a bug over a carpet, with some big brain doing
all your thinking for you. On the other hand... this
was the payoff. This was where Gurlick got hiswhere
at long last he could strike back at a whole
world full of bastits.
He got to his feet and began walking.
Chapter 26
Along with the imps and devils, other things
disappearedthings regarded throughout human history as basic, thematic, keys to the structures of lives
and cultures. Now if a real thing should disappear, a
rock or a tree or a handful of water, there will be
thunder and a wind and other violence, depending
upon what form the vanished mass owned. Or if a
great man disappears, there is almighty confusion in
the rush to fill the vacuum of his functions. But the
things which disappeared now proved their unreality
by the unruffled silence in which they disappeared.
Money. The sense of property. Jingoistic patriotism,
tariffs, taxes, boundaries and frontiers, profit and
loss, hatred and suspicion of humans by humans,
and language itself (except as part of an art) with all
the difficulties of communication between languages
and within them.
In short, it was abruptly possible for mankind to
live with itself in health. Removed now was mankinds
cess-gland, the secretions of which (called everything from
cussedness to Original Sin) had poisoned
its body since it was born, distorting decencies like
survival and love into greed and lust, turning Achievement
(I have built) into Position (I have power).
So much for humanitys new state of being. As to
its abilities, they were simply based, straightforward.
There are always many ways to accomplish anything,
but only one of them is really best. Which of them is
bestthat is the source of all argument on the production
of anything, the creator of factions among
the designers, and the first enemy of speed and
efficiency. But when humanity became a hive, and
needed somethingas for example the adaptation of
the swift hunting missile Hawk to the giant carrier
Atlasthe device was produced without considerations
of pride or profit, without waste motion, and
without interpersonal friction of any kind. The decision
was made, the job was done. In those heady
first moments, anything and everything available was
usedbut with precision. Later (by minutes) fewer
ingenious stopgaps were used, more perfect tools
were shaped from the materials at hand. And still
later (by hours) there was full production of new
designs. Mankind now used exactly the right tool for
the jobs it had to do...
And within it, each individual flowered, finding
freedoms to be, to act, to take enrichment and pleasure
as never before. What were the things that
Dimity (Salomé?) Carmichael had always needed,
wanted to do? She could do them now. An Italian
boy, Guido, packed taut with talent, awaited the
arrival of the greatest living violinist from behind a
now collapsed Iron Curtain; they would hereafter
spend their lives and do their work together. The
parents of a small stiff boy named Henry contemplated,
as all the world contemplated, what had
happened to him and why, and how totally impossible it
would be for such a thing ever to happen again.
Sacrifice there must be from time to time, even now;
but never again a useless one. Everyone now knew,
as if in personal memory, how fiercely Henry had
wanted to live in that flash of agony which had eclipsed
him. All Earth shared the two kinds of religious
experience discovered by the Africans Mbala and
Nuyu, wherein one had become confirmed in his
faith and the other had found it. What, specifically,
had brought them to it was of no significance; the
feet of their devotion was the important thing to be
shared, for it is in the finest nature of humanity to
worship, fight it as he sometimes may. The universe
being what it is, there is always plus ultra, plus
ultrapowers and patterns beyond understanding,
and more beyond these when these are understood.
Out there is the call to which faith is the natural
response and worship the natural approach.
Such was humanity when it became a hivea
beautiful entity, balanced and fine and wondrously
alive. A pity, in a way, that such a work of art, such
self-sufficiency, was to exist in this form for so brief a
time...
Chapter 27
He was in virgin forest now, the interlocked foliage
overhead dimming the mid-morning sunshine
to an underwater green, and the footing was good,
there being little underbrush and a gentle downslope.
Gurlick gravitated downhill, knowing he would encounter
a path of a road sooner or later, and monotonously
cursed his empty stomach, his aching feet, and his enemies.
He heard voices.
He stopped, shrank back against a tree trunk, and
peered. For a moment he could detect nothing, and
then, off to the right, he heard a sudden musical
laugh. He looked toward the sound, and saw a brief
motion of something blue. He came out of hiding,
and, scuttling clumsily from tree to tree, went to
investigate.
There were three of them, girls in their mid-teens,
dressed in halters and shorts, giggling over the chore
of building a fire in a small clearing. They had a
string of fish, pike and lake trout, and a frying pan,
and seemed completely and hilariously preoccupied.
Gurlick, from a vantage point above them, chewed
on his lower lip and wondered what to do. He had
no delusions about approaching openly and sweet-talking his way into their circle. It would be far
wiser, he knew, to slip away and go looking elsewhere, for something surer, safer. On the other hand... he heard the crackle of bacon fat as one of the
girls dropped the tender slivers into the frying pan.
He looked at the three lithe young bodies, and at the
waiting string of fish, half of which were scaled and
beheaded, and quietly moaned. There was too much
of what was wanted, down there, for him to turn his
back.
Then a curl of fragrance from the bacon reached
him and toppled his reason. He rose from his crouch
and in three bounds was down the slope and in their
midst, moaning and slavering. One of the children
bounded away to the right, one to the left. The third
fell under his hands, shrieking.
Now you jus be still, he panted, trying to hold
his victim, trying to protect himself against her hysterical
lappings, writhings, clawings. I aint goin to
hurt you if you jus
Uh! He was bowled right off his feet by one of the
escapees who had returned at a dead run and crashed
him with a hard shoulder. He rolled over and found
himself staring up at the second girl who had run
away as she stood over him with a stone the size of a
grapefruit raised in both hands. She brought it down;
it hit Gurlick on the left cheekbone and the bridge of
his nose and filled the world with stars and brilliant
tatters of pain. He fell back, wagging his head, pawing
at his face, trying to get some vision back and
kick away the sick dizziness; and when at last he
could see again, he was alone with the campfire, the
frying pan, the string of fish.
Lil bastits, he growled, holding his face. He
looked at his hand, on which were flecks of his own
blood, swore luridly, turned in a circle as if to find
and pursue them, and then squatted before the fire,
reached for two cleaned fish, and dropped them
hissing into the pan.
Well, hed get that much out of it, anyway.
He had eaten four of the fish and had two more
cooking when he heard voices again, a mans deep,
Which way now? Over here? and a girls answer,
Yes, where the smokes coming from.
Jailbait... of course, of course theyd have gone
for help! Gurlick cursed them all and lumbered
downslope, away from the sound of voices. Boy, hed
messed up, but good. The whole hillside would be
crawling with people hunting him. He had to get out
of here.
He moved as cautiously as he could, quite sure he
was being watched by hundreds of eyes, yet seeing
no one until he glimpsed two men off to his left and
below him. One had binoculars on a strap around his
neck, the other a shotgun. Gurlick, half-fainting with
terror, slumped down between a tree trunk and a
rock, and cowered there until he could hear their
voices, and while he heard them, and after he heard
them, with their curt certain syllables and their cold
lack of mercy. When all was quite quiet again, he
rose, and at that moment became aware of an aircraft
sound. It approached rapidly, and he dropped back
into his hiding place, trembling, and peeped up at
the glittering patches of blue in the leafy roof. The
machine flew directly overhead, low, too slowlya
helicopter. He heard it thrashing the air off to the
north, downhill from him, and for a while he could
not judge if it was going or coming or simply circling
down there. In his pride he was convinced that its
business was Gurlick and only Gurlick, and in his
ignorance he was certain it had seen him through the
thick cover. It went away at last, and the forest
returned to its murmuring silence. He heard a faint
shout behind and above him, and scuttled from cover
and away from the sound. Pausing, a moment later,
for breath, he caught another glimpse of the man
with the shotgun off to his left, and escaped to the
right and down.
And, thus pursued and herded, he came to the
waters edge.
There was a dirt path there, and no one in sight;
and it was warm and sunny and peaceful. Slowly
Gurlicks panic subsided, and, as he walked along
the path, there was a deep throb of anticipation
within him. Hed gotten away clean; he had
outdistanced his enemies and now, enemies, beware!
The path curved closer to the bank of the lake.
Alders stood thick here, and there was the smell of
moss. The path turned, and the shade was briefly
darker here at the verge of the floods of gold over
the water. And there by the path it lay, the little pile
of fabric, bright red, shiny black, filmy white with
edges iced with lace...
Gurlick stopped walking, stopped breathing until
his chest hurt. Then he moved slowly past this
incredible, impossible consolidation of his dream, and
went to the bushes at the waters edge.
She was out thereshe.
He made a sharp wordless sound and stood forward,
away from the bushes. She turned in the water
and stared at him, her eyes round.
Emancipated now, free to be what she had always
wished to be, and to do what she needed to do
without fear or hesitation; swimming now naked in
the sun, sure and fearless, shameless; utterly oriented
within herself and herself within the matrix of
humanity and all its known data, Salomé Carmichael
stood up in the water, under the sun, and said,
Hello, Handsome.
Chapter 28
It had been right there, on the moss.
Over there had lain the pretty little heap of clothes,
so clean, so soft, so very red, shiny black, the white
so pretty. The strangest thing that had ever happened
to him in his whole life had happened here,
stranger than the coming of the Medusa, stranger
than the unpeopled factory back there in the mountains,
stranger, even, than the overwhelming fact of
this place, of her being here, of the unbelievable
coincidence of it all with his dream. And that strangest
thing of all was that once when she was here, she
had cried out, and he had then been gentle. He had
been gentle with all his heart and mind and body, for
a brief while flooded, melted, swept away by gentleness.
No wrinkled raisin from out of space, no concept like the
existence of a single living thing so large
it permeated two galaxies and part of a third, could
be so shockingly alien to him, everything he was and
had ever been, as this rush of gentleness. Its microscopic
seed must have lain encysted within him all
his life, never encountering a single thing, large or
small, which could warm it to germination. Now it
had burst open, burst him open, and he was shocked,
shaken, macerated as never before in his bruised
existence.
He crouched against the tree and regarded the
moss, and the lake, and the place where the red and
the black and the lace had lain, and wondered why
he had run away. He wondered how he could have
let her go. The gentleness was consuming him, even
now... he had to find somewhere to put it down,
but there wouldnt be anyone else, anyone or
anything, for him to be gentle to, anywhere in the
world.
He began to cry. Gurlick had always wept easily,
his facile tears his only outlet for fear, and anger, and
humiliation, and spite. This, however, was different.
This was very difficult to do, painful in the extreme,
and impossible to stop until he was racked, wrung
out, exhausted. It tumbled him over and left him
groveling on the moss. Then he slept, abruptly, his
whipped consciousness fleeing away to the dark.
Chapter 29
Stand here by me, friend, on this hillside, under
the black and freckled sky. Which stars do you knowPolaris?
Good. And the bright one yonder, thats
Sirius. Look at them now: at Polaris, at Sirius. Quickly
now: Polaris, Sirius. And again: Sirius, Polaris.
How far apart are they? It says in the book, thousands of light-years.
How many? Too many: never
mind. But how long does it take you to flick your
gaze from one to the other and back? a second? A
half-second next time, then a tenth?... You cant
say that nothing, absolutely nothing, has traveled
between the two. Your vision has; your attention
has.
You now understand, you have the rudiments of
understanding what it is to flick a part of yourself
from star to star, just as (given the skill) you may
shift from soul to soul.
With such a shift, down such a path, came the
Medusa at the instant of its marriage to humanity. In
all the history of humanity, the one instant (save
death) of most significance is the instant of syngamy,
the moment of penetration by the sperm of the ovum.
Yet almost never is there a heralding of this instant,
nor a sign; it comes to pass in silence and darkness,
and no one ever knows but the mindless flecks of
complex jelly directly involved.
Not so now; and never before, and never again
would marriage occur with such explosion. A microsecond
after that melding, Gurlicks altered seed to
the welcoming ovum of a human, the Medusa of
space shot down its contacting thread, an unerring
harpoon carrying a line to itself, and all of its Self
following in the line, ready to reach and fill humanity,
make of it a pseudopod, the newest member of
its sprawling corpus.
But if the Medusas bolt can be likened to a harpoon,
then it can be said that the uprushing flood it
met was like a volcano. The Medusa had not a micromicrosecond
in which to realize what had happened
to it. It did not die; it was not killed any more than
humanity would have been killed had the Medusas
plan been realized. Humanity would have become a
person of the illimitable creature. Now...
Now, instead, humanity became the creature;
flooded it, filled it to its furthermost crannies,
drenched its most remote cells with the Self of humankind.
Die? Never that; the Medusa was alive as
never before, with a new and different kind of life, in
which its slaves were freed but its motivations unified;
where the individual was courted and honored
and brought special nutrients, body and mind, and
where, freely, want to forever replaced must.
And all for want of a datum: that intelligence might
exist in individuals, and that dissociated individuals
might co-operate yet not be a hive. For there is no
structure on earth which could not have been built
by rats, were the rats centrally directed and properly
motivated. How could the Medusa have known? Thousands
upon thousands of species and cultures throughout the
galaxies have technological progress as
advanced as that of Earth, and are yet composed of
individuals no more highly evolved than termites,
lemurs, or shrews. What slightest hint was there for
the Medusa that a hive-humanity would be a different
thing from a super-rat?
Humanity had passed the barriers of language and
of individual isolation on its planet. It passed the
barriers of species now, and of isolation in its cosmos.
The faith of Mbala was available to Guido, and
so were the crystal symphonies of the black planets
past Ophiuchus. Charlotte Dunsay, reaching across
the world to her husband in Hobart, Tasmania, might
share with him a triple sunrise in the hub of Orions
great Nebula. As one man could share the being of
another here on earth, so both, and perhaps a small
child with them, could fuse their inner selves with
some ancient contemplative mind leeched to the rocks
in some roaring methane cataract, or soar with some
insubstantial life-forms adrift where they were born
in the high layers of atmosphere around some
unheard-of planet.
So ended mankind, to be born again as hive-humanity; so
ended the hive of earth to become
star-man, the immeasurable, the limitless, the growing;
maker of music beyond music, poetry beyond
words, and full of wonder, full of worship.
Chapter 30
These lines, however, were open still, and when
humanity became Medusa, it flooded down to Gurlick
and made him welcome. Come! it called, and whirled
him up and outward, showing and sharing its joy and
strength and pride, showering him with wonders of a
thousand elsewheres and a hundred heres; it showed
him how to laugh at the most rarefied technicians
joke and how to feel the structure of sestinae and
sonnets, of bridges and Bach. It spoke to him saying
We and granting him the right to regard it all and
say: I. And more: he had been promised a kingship,
and now he had it, for all this sentient immensity
acknowledged to him its debt. Let him but make the
phantom of a wish of a thought, and his desires
would be fulfilled. Come! it called. Come!
But the weight of the man o war was on his mind.
Hide! he thought. Dont attract attention. If he got
out of line, the man o war would squash him like a
bug. But humanity, which had become Medusa,
insisted, it beat down upon him, and finally Gurlick
could withstand its force no longer. He turned and
faced humankind as it had become, all-transcending,
all-inclusive, all-knowing, pervasive-faced humankind
as he had never faced it before in his life.
Humankind had changed.
His first reaction was My God, its full of people!
Which was strange, because he found himself at
the edge of a purple cliff which overlooked a valley
with a silver river in it. Not silver like the poets say,
which only means the reflection of sky-white; this
one was metallic silver color, fluid, fast. He was
aware without surprise that he sat on the tip of his
spine, which was long, black and tapering, with two
enormous hind legs, kneed in the middle like broken
straws and pretty nearly as slender, forming the other
two points of his tripod. He was chewing on a stone,
holding it to black marble lips (which opened side-wise)
with four hands (having scorpion-nippers for
fingers) and he found it delicious. He turned his
head around (all the way, without effort) and saw
Salomé Carmichael behind him, and she was beautiful beyond
belief, which was odd because she looked
like a twelve-foot, blue-black praying mantis. But
then, so did he.
She spoke, but it was not speech really, but a sort
of semaphore of the emotions. He felt himself greeted,
and made joyfully welcome (Hello, oh hello, Danny,
1 knew youd come, you had to come) and then there
was an invitation: to the place to watch that game.
She moved close to him so that their bodies touched,
and somehow he knew just exactly what to do to stay
with her; in a blink they were somewhere else, on
the top of a swaying green tree (the bark was the
green part) and he had a round blunt front end like a
bull-frog and four gauzy wings, and two long legs
with webbed feet like a waterbird. Salomé was there
too, of the same species and utterly lovely; and together
they watched the game, understanding it as
completely in all its suspensions and convolutions as
any earthside hockey or baseball or chess fan might
follow his favorite. The teams were whole hives, and
they could all together, create soundwaves and focus
them; at the focal point danced a blue-green crystal,
held spinning in midair by the beam of sound. There
were three hive-teams, not two, and if two should
focus together on the crystal it would shatter musically,
and that was a foul, and the third team won the
point, and could have the playing field to dance in.
And when the dance was over (there were points for
the dance too) then another crystal would be projected high
in the rosy air...
To a swimming place, tingling, refreshing, Gurlick
knowing somehow that where they swam under a
blue-black rock ceiling, the temperature was over a
thousand degrees centigrade, and the gleaming bony
paddles and sleek speckled flanks with which he
swam and on which he felt the tingling were no flesh
he had ever learned of. And to a flying place where
all the people, welcoming as everywhere, and some
known to him as people he had met on Earth, all
these people were cobweb-frail, spending their lives
adrift in the thin shifts of air with the highest mist
peaks of a cloud-shrouded planet as their floor...
And Salomé gave him her story of envy and of her
need to have others depend on her.
These two were ideal antagonists, ideal weapons in
the conflict between Medusa and mankind. Medusa
had won the battles; mankind had won the war. And
it had all begun with Gurlick...
Somewhere in this communion between them, the
whole thing was talked out. It was probably in the
first couple of seconds of their first meeting, there
over the silver river. If it were rendered into words
it was Gurlicks complete wounding by the discovery
(in his loneliness) that what had happened by the
lake was no affair of his at all, but only a strategic
move in a war between a giant and a behemoth; with
it, all he had ever been in his tattered life, how there
was nothing within him with a whole soul to give in
exchange for accidental kindness; how he was unashamed
to have far, far passed the point where he
could keep clean and think well and be a man... in
short, the entire Gurlick, with all the reasons why,
in one clear flash.
Gurlick, numb and passive as he tossed like a chip
on their ocean of wonders, had at last a wish, and
had it, and had it.
True, none of this could have come about without
him. This result could not have been with anyone
else in his place, sotrue enoughhe was owed a
debt. Pay it, then.
Pay the debt... You do not reward a catalyst by
changing it, the unchanging, into something else.
When a man is what Gurlick is, he is that because he
has made himself so; for what his environment has
done to him, blame the environment not so much as
the stolid will that kept him in it. Sotake away
hunger and poverty (or body and soul), deprivation
and discomfort and humiliation, and you take away
the very core of his beinghis sole claim to
superiority.
You take away his hate. You take away from him
all reason to hate anyone or anythinglike the wet,
like the cold.
So dont ask him to look out among the stars, and
join in the revelries of giants. Dont thank him, dont
treat him, and above all, do not so emasculate him as
to take away from him his reasons to hate: they have
become his life.
So they paid him, meticulously to the specifications
he himself (though all unknowing) set up.
And as long as he lived, there was a city-corner,
drab streets and fumes, sullen pedestrians and careless,
dangerous aimers of trucks and cabs; moist
unbearable heat and bitter cold; and bars where
Gurlick could go and put in his head, whining for
a drink, and bartenders to send him out into the wet
with his hatred, back to a wrecked truck in a junkyard where
he might lie in the dark and dream that
dream of his. Bastits, Gurlick would mutter in the
dark, hating... happy: Lousy bastits.