Rudy Rucker and John Shirley are powerful enough as separate entities—what would happen if you put th
of them together? A frightening thought—and that's what happened. Rucker, who has a degree in adva
mathematics from Rutgers and is also a computer programmer, is known for his exuberant style (as well as, th
not in this instance, a comic flair comparable to John Sheckley); Shirley, who is the author of more than t
books in sf and dark fantasy (including a recent collection, Really Really Really Really Weird Stories, the ta
which actually do get weirder as the book progresses) has been known for his angry, intense, straight-ahead st
    What do you get when you put the two of them together? You get the following, which is fast-p
cyberpunkish, thoughtful, weird—and wonderful.

                                                Pockets
                                        Rudy Rucker & John Shirley

    When the woman from Endless Media called, Wendel was out on the
balcony, looking across San Pablo Bay at the lights of the closed-down DeG
Chemicals Plant. On an early summer evening, the lights marking out the columns of steel
the button-shaped chemical tanks took on an unreal glamour; the plant became an otherwo
palace. He'd tried to model the plant with the industrial-strength Real2Graphix program
dad had brought home from RealTek before he got fired. But Wendel still didn't k
the tricks for filling a virtual scene with the world's magic and menace, and his model loo
like a cartoon toy. Someday he'd get his chops and make the palace come alive. You could
a killer-ass game there if you knew how. After high school, maybe he could get in
good gaming university. He didn't want to "go" to an online university if he could hel
virtual teachers, parallel programmed or not, couldn't answer all your questions.
    The phone rang just as he was wondering whether Dad could afford to pay tuition
someplace real. He waited for his dad to get the phone, and after three rings he real
with a chill that Dad had probably gone into a pocket, and he'd have to answer the p
himself.
    The fake porch, created for window washers, and to create an impression of cozines
place had always lacked, creaked under his feet as he went to climb through the window.
narrow splintery wooden walkway outside their window was on the third floor of an
waterfront motel converted to studio apartments. Their tall strip of windows, designed to s
a view that was now unsavory, looked down a crumbling cliff at a mud beach, the limp
waves sluggish in stretched squares of light from the buildings edging the bluff. Down
beach some guys with flashlights were moving around, looking for the little pocket-bubbles
floated in like dead jellyfish. Thanks to the accident that had closed down the DeG
Research Center, beyond the still-functioning chemicals plant, San Pablo Bay was a good
to scavenge for pocket-bubbles, which was why Wendel and his Dad had ended up living h
    To get to the phone, he had to skirt the mercurylike bubble of Dad's pocket, presently a
flattened shape eight feet across and six high, rounded like a river stone. The pocket cov
most of the available space on the living room floor, and he disliked having to touch it. T
was that sensation when you touched them—not quite a sting, not quite an electrical shock
even intolerable. But you didn't want to prolong the feeling.
    Wendel touched the speakerphone tab. "Hello, Bell residence."
    "Well, this doesn't sound like Rothman Bell." It was a woman's voice coming out o
speakerphone—humorous, ditzy, but with a heartening undercurrent of business.
    "No, ma'am. I'm his son, Wendel.
   "That's right, I remember he had a son. You'd be about fourteen now?"
   "Sixteen."
   "Sixteen! Whoa. Time jogs on. This is Manda Solomon. I knew your dad when he worke
MetaMeta. He really made his mark there. Is he home?"
   He hesitated. There was no way to answer that question honestly without having to a
Dad was in a pocket, and pocket-slugs had a bad reputation. "No, ma'am. But. . ."
   He looked toward the pocket. It was getting smaller now. If things went as usual, it w
shrink to grapefruit size, then swell back up and burst—and Dad would be back. Occasion
a pocket might bounce through two or three or even a dozen shrink-and-grow cycles be
releasing its inhabitant; but it never took terribly long, at least from the outside. Dad migh
back before this woman hung up. She sounded like business, and that made Wendel's p
race. It was a chance.
   If he could just keep her talking. After a session in a pocket Dad wouldn't be in any shap
call anyone back, sometimes not for days— but if you caught him just coming out, and pu
phone in his hand, he might keep it together long enough, still riding the pocket's high. We
just hoped this wasn't going to be the one pocket that would finally kill his father.
   "Can I take a message, Ms., um, . . ." With his mind running so fast, he'd forgotten her na
   "Manda Solomon. Just tell him—"
   "Can I tell him where you're calling from?" He grimaced at himself in the mirror by
front door. Dumbass, don't interrupt her, you'll scare her off.
   "From San Jose, I'm a project manager at Endless Media. Just show him—oh, have you
iTV?"
   "Yeah. You want me to put it on?" Good, that'd take some more time. If Dad
kept up the payments.
   He carried the phone over to the iTV screen hanging on the wall like a seasc
there was a fuzzy motel-decor photo of a sunset endlessly playing in it now, the kitschy or
clouds swirling in the same tape-looping pattern. He tapped the tab on the phone that w
hook it to the iTV, and faced the screen so that the camera in the corner of the fr
could pick him up but only on head-shot setting so she couldn't see the pocket, too. "You
me?"
   "Yup. Here I come."
   Her picture appeared in a window in an upper corner of the screen, a pleasant-look
redhead in early middle age, hoop earrings, frank smile. She held up an e-book, tou
the page turner which instantly scrolled an image of a photograph that showe
three-dimensional array of people floating in space, endless pairs of people spaced out into
nodes of a warped jungle-gym lattice, a man and a woman at each node. Wendel recognized
couple as his dad and his mother. At first it looked as if all the nodes were the same, but w
you looked closer, you could see that the people at some of the more distant nodes we
Mom and Dad after all. In fact some of them didn't even look like people. This must be a p
taken inside a pocket with tunnels coming out of it. Wendel had never seen it before. "If
print out the picture, he'll know what it's all about," Manda was saying.
   "Sure." Wendel saved the picture to the iTV's memory, hoping it would work. He d
want Manda to know their printer was broken and wouldn't be repaired anytime soon.
   "Well it's been a sweet link, but I gotta go—just tell him to call. Here's the number, re
to save? Got it? Okay, then. He'll remember me."
   Wendel saw she wasn't wearing a wedding band. He got tired of taking care of Dad al
He tried to think of some way to keep her on the line. "He'll be right back—he's way overd
expect him . . ."
   "Whoops, I really gotta jam." She reached toward her screen and then hesitated, her
cocked as she looked at his image. "That's what it is: you look a lot like Jena, you know? Y
mom."
   "I guess."
   "Jena was a zippa-trip. I hated it when she disappeared."
   "I don't remember her much."
   "Oops, my boss is chiming hysterically at me. Bye!"
   "Um—wait." He turned to glance at the dull silvery bubble, already bouncing back from
minimum size, but when he turned back, Manda Solomon was gone and it was only the sn
sunset again. "Shit."
   He went to the bubble and kicked it angrily. He couldn't feel anything but "stop," with
sneaker on. It wasn't like kicking an object, it was like something stopped you, turned you
toward your own time flow. Just "stopness." It was saying "no" with the stuff of forever it
There was no way to look inside it: Once someone crawled in through a pocket's nave
sealed up all over.
   He turned away, heard something—and when he looked back the pocket was gone
his dad, stinking and retching and raggedly bearded, was crawling toward him acros
carpet.

    Next morning, it seemed to Wendel that his dad sucked the soup down more noisily, m
sloppily, than ever before. His hands shook and he spilled soup on the blankets.
    His dad was supposedly forty—but he looked fifty-five. He'd spent maybe fifteen yea
the pockets—adding up to only a few weeks in outside time, ten minutes here and two h
there and so on.
    Dad sat up in his bed, staring out to the bay, sloppily drinking the soup from a bowl,
Wendel had to look away. Sitting at the breakfast bar that divided the kitchenette from the
of the room, he found himself staring at the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. They ne
some kind of hamper, and he could go to some Martinez garage sale and find one next to
But that was something Dad ought to do; Wendel sensed that if he started doing that so
thing, parental things, his dad would give a silent gasp of relief and lean on him, more
more; and paradoxically fall away from him, into the pockets.
    "I was gone like—ten minutes world-time?" said Dad. "I don't suppose I missed anyt
here in this . . . this teeming hive of activity."
    "Ten minutes?" said Wendel. He snorted. "You're still gone, Dad. And, yes, there was a
for you. A woman from Endless Media. Manda Solomon. She left her number and a picture
    "Manda?" said Dad. "That flake? Did you tell her I was in a pocket?"
    "Right," said Wendel contemptuously. "Like I told her my dad's a pocket-slug."
    Dad opened his mouth like he was going to protest the disrespect— then thought better
He shrugged, with as much cool as he could manage. "Manda's down with pockets, Wen
Half the guys programming virtual physics for MetaMeta were using them when I was th
Pockets are a great way to make a deadline. The MetaMeta crunch-room was like a little
of chrome puffballs. Green carpeting, you wave? Manda used to walk around setting sodas
pizzas down outside the pockets. We'd work in there for days, when it was minutes on
outside—get a real edge on the other programmers. She was just a support tech then. We ca
her Fairy Princess and we crunchers were the Toads of the Short Forest, popping ou
loaded on the bubble-rush. Manda's gone down in the world, what I heard, in terms of who
works for—"
    "She's a project manager. Better than a support tech."
    "Nice of her to think of me." Dad made a little grimace. "Endless Media's about one
past being a virtu-porn Webble. Where's the picture she sent?"
    "I saved it in the iTV," said Wendel, and pushed the buttons to show it.
    Dad made a groaning sound. "Turn it off, Wendel. Put it away."
    "Tell me what it is, first," said Wendel, pressing the controller buttons to zoom in on
faces. It was definitely—
    "Mom and me," said Dad shakily. "I took that photo the week before she died." His v
became almost inaudible. "Yeah. You can see . . . some of the images are different further
the lattice . . . because our pocket had a tunnel leading to other pockets. That hap
sometimes, you know. It's not a good idea to go down the tunnels. It was the time after this
that. . . Mom didn't come back." He looked at the picture for a moment; like its own pocket
moment seemed to stretch out to a gray forever. Then he looked away. "Turn it off, will yo
brings me down."
    Wendel stared at his mother's young face a moment longer, then turned off the im
"You never told me much about the time she didn't come back."
    "I don't need to replay the experience, kid."
    "Dad. I. . . look, just do it. Tell me."
    Dad stared at him. Looked away. Wendel thought he was going to refuse again. T
he shrugged and began, his voice weary. "It was a much bigger pocket than usual," said
almost inaudible. "MetaMeta . . . they'd scored a shitload of them from DeGroot, and we w
merging them together so whole teams could fit in. Using fundamental space-time geom
weirdness to meet the marketing honcho's deadlines, can you believe? I was an idiot to buy
it. And this last time Jena was mad at me, and she flew away from me while we were in th
And then I couldn't tell which of the lattice-nodes was really her. Like a mirror maze
funhouse. And meanwhile I'm all tweaked out of my mind on bubble-rush. But I had my la
harness, and there was all that code-hacking to be done, and I got into it for sure, glancing
at all the Jenas now and then, and they're programming, too, so I thought it was OK, but
..." He swallowed, turning to look out the window, as if he might see her out there in the
"When the pocket flattened back out, I was alone. The same shit was coming down everyw
all of a sudden, and then there was the Big Bubble disaster at the DeGroot plant and al
pocket-bubbles were declared government property and if you want to use them anymore
people, you know ..." His voice trailed into a whisper: ". . . they act like you're a junkie."
    "Yeah," said Wendel. "I know." He looked out the window for a while. It was a sunny
but the foulness in the water made the sea a dingy gray, as if it were brooding on
memories. He spotted a couple of little pocket-bubbles floating in on the brackish waves.
had been buying them from beachcombers, merging them together till he got one big enoug
crawl into again.
    They'd talked about pockets in Wendel's health class at school last term. In term
dangerous things the grown-ups wanted to warn you away from, pockets were right up t
with needles, drunk driving, and doing it bareback. You could stay inside too long and c
out a couple of years older than your friends. You could lose your youth inside a pocket. O
enough, you didn't eat or breathe in any conventional way while you were inside there—t
parts of your metabolism went into suspension. The pocket-slugs dug this aspect of
high—for after all, weren't eating and breathing just another wearisome world-drag? T
were even rock songs about pockets setting you free from "feeding the pig," as the 'slugs l
to call normal life. You didn't eat or breathe inside a pocket but even so were still ge
older, often a lot faster than you realized. Some people came out, like, middle-aged.
    And, of course, some people never came out at all. They died in there of old ag
got killed by a bubble-psychotic pocket-slug coming through a tunnel, or—though this last
sounded like government propaganda—you might tunnel right off into some kind of alien
world. If you found a pocket-bubble, you were supposed to take it straight to
police. As opposed to selling it to a 'slug, or, worse, trying to accumulate enough of them
get a pocket big enough to go into yourself. The word was that it felt really good, b
than drugs or sex or booze. Sometimes Wendel wanted to try it—because then, maybe,
understand his dad. Other times the thought terrified him.
    He looked at his shaky, strung-out father, wishing he could respect him. "Do you keep d
it because you think you might find Mom in there someday?" asked Wendel, his voice plain
in his own ears.
    "It would sound more heroic, wouldn't it?" said Dad, rubbing his face. "That I keep doi
because I'm on a quest. Better than saying I do it for the high. The escape." He rubbed his
for a minute and got out of bed, a little shaky, but with a determined look on his face.
get-it-together time, huh, Wendel? Get me a vita-patch from the bathroom, willya? I'll
Manda and go see her today. We need this gig. You ready to catch the light rail to San Jose

   In person, Manda Solomon was shorter, plainer, and less well-dressed than
processed image she sent out on iTV. She was a friendly ditz, with the disillusioned
of a Valley-vet who's seen a number of her employers go down the tubes. When Dad ca
claimed that Wendel was a master programmer and his chief assistant, Manda didn't bat an
just took out an extra sheaf of nondisclosure and safety-waiver agreements for Wendel to si
   "I've never had such a synchronistic staffing process before," she said with a breath
smile. "Easy, but weird. Two of our team were waiting in my office when I came into w
one morning. Said I'd left it unlocked. Karma, I guess."
   They followed her into a windowless conference room with whiteboards and projec
screens. One of the screens showed Dad's old photo of him and Mom scattered over the n
of a pocket's space-lattice. Wendel's dad glanced at it and looked away.
   Manda introduced them to the other three at the table: a cute, smiling woman na
Xiao-Xiao just now busy talking Chinese on her cell phone. She had Bettie Page b
and the faddish full-eye mirror-contacts; her eyes were like pale lavender Christmas
ornaments. Next was a bright-eyed sharp-nosed Sikh guy from India, named Punee
wore a turban. He had reassuringly normal eyes and spoke in a high voice. The third w
puffy white kid only a few years older than Wendel. His name was Barley, and he wo
stoner-rock T-shirt. He didn't smile; with his silver mirror-contacts his face was q
unreadable. He wore an uwy computer interface on the back of his neck. Barley asked We
something about programming, but Wendel couldn't even understand the question.
    "Ummm . . . well, you know. I just—"
    "So what's the pitch, Manda?" Dad interrupted, to get Wendel off the spot.
    "Pocket-Max," said Manda. "Safe and stable. Five hundred people in there at a t
strapped into . . . I dunno, some kind of mobile pocket-seats. Make downtown San Jo
destination theme park. Harmless, ethical pleasure. We've got some senators who can pu
through a loophole for us."
    "Safe?" said Dad. "Harmless?"
    "Manda says you've logged more time in the pockets than anyone she knows,"
Xiao-Xiao. "You have some kind of... intuition about them? You must know some trick
making it safe."
    "Well . . . if we had the hardware that created it . . ." Dad's voice trailed off, which m
he was thinking hard, and Manda let him do it for a moment.
    And then she dropped her bomb. "We do have the hardware. Show him Flatland, Barley
    Barley did something with his uwy, and something like a soap film appeared above
generic white plastic of the conference table. "This is a two-dimensional-world mock
mumbled Barley. "We call it Flat-land. The nanomatrix mat for making the real pocke
offsite. Flat-land's a piece of visualization software that we got as part of our license. I
lift."
    "Offsite would be the DeGroot Center?" said Dad, his voice rising. "You've got
access?"
    "Yaaar," said Barley, his fat face expressionless. He was leaning over Flatland, using
uwy link to tweak it with his blank shining eyes.
    "Why was DeGroot making pockets in the first place?" asked Wen-del. No one had
explained the pockets to him. It was like Dad was ashamed to talk about them much.
    "It was supposed to be for AI," said Puneet. "Quantum computing nanotech. The DeG
techs were bozos. They didn't know what they had when they started up the nanomatrix—I
even know how they invented it. There's no patents filed. It's like the thing fell out of a fl
saucer." His laugh was more than a little uneasy. "There's nobody to ask because the DeG
engineers are all dead. Sucked into the Big Bubble that popped out of their nanomatrix.
saw it on TV And then Uncle Sam closed them down."
    "But—why would the nanomatrix be licensed to Endless Media?" asked Dad. "You'r
entertainment company. And not a particularly reputable one, at that. Why you and not on
the big, legit players?"
    "Options," said Manda with a shrug. "Market leverage. Networking synergies. And the
guys don't want to touch it. Too big a downside.
    Part of the setup is we can't sue DeGroot if things don't work out. No biggie for End
Media. If the shit hits the fan, we take the bullet and go Chapter Eleven. We closed the
with DeGroot and the feds last week. Nobody's hardly seen the DeGroot CEO since
catastrophe, but he's still around. Guy named George Gravid. He showed up for a
one minute at closing, popped up out of nowhere, walking down the hall. Said he'd been
up in meetings with some backer dudes— he called them Out-Monkeys. He looked like
wearing shades. I think he's strung out on something. Whatever. We did our due dilige
closed the deal, and a second later Gravid was gone." She waved a dismissive hand. "Bo
line is we're fully licensed to use the DeGroot technology. Us and a half-dozen other blue
groups. Each of us is setting up an operation in the DeGroot Plant on San Pablo Bay. And
time-share the access to the nanomatrix. The Endless Media mission in this context is to ma
safe and stable Big Bubble that provides a group entertainment experience beyond anyt
ever seen before."
    "Watch how this simulation works," said Barley. "See the yellow square in the film? T
A Square. A two-dimensional Flatlander. He's sliding around, you wave. And that g
five-sided figure next to him, that's his son A Pentagon. And now I push up a bubble out o
space." A little spot of the Flatland film bulged up like a time-reversed water-drop. The b
swelled up to the shape of a sphere hovering above Flatland, connected to the little world
neck of glistening film. "Go in the pocket, Square," said Barley. "Get high."
    The yellow square slid forward. He had a bright eye in one of his corners. For a minu
bumbled around the warped zone where the bubble touched his space, then found an entry p
and slid up across the neck of the bubble and onto the surface of the little ball. Into the pock
    "This is what he sees," said Barley, pointing at one of the view-screens on the wall.
screen showed an endless lattice of copies of A Square, each of them turning and blinkin
unison. "Like a hall of mirrors. Now I'll make the bubble bounce. That's what makes the
go differently inside the pockets, you know."
    The sphere rose up from the film. The connecting neck stretched and grew thin
but it didn't break. The sphere bounced back toward the film and the neck got fat, the sp
bounced up and the neck got thin, over and over.
    "Check this out," said Barley, changing the image on the viewscreen to show a circle
repeatedly shrank and grew. "This is what Square Junior sees. The little Pentagon. He st
outside the bad old pocket, you wave? To him the pocket looks like a disk that's getting bi
and smaller. See him over there on the film? Waiting for Pa. Like little Wendel in the cond
San Pablo Bay."
    "Go to hell," said Wendel.
    "Don't pick on him, Barley," put in Manda. "Wendel's part of our team."
    "Whoah," said Barley. "Now Mr. Square's trip is over." The sphere bounced back
flattened back into the normal space of Flatland.
    "You forgot to mention the stabilizer ring," said Dad.
    "You see?" said Manda. "I told you guys we needed a physicist."
    "What ring? "said Barley.
    "A space bubble is inherently unstable," said Dad. "It wants to tear loose or flatten
down. The whole secret of the DeGroot tech was to wrap a superquantum nanosheet around
bubbles. Bubble wrap. In your Flatland model it's a circle around the neck. Make a
bubble, Barley."
    A new bubble bulged up, and this time Wendel noticed that there was indeed a bright
line around the throat of the neck. A line with a gap in it, like the open link of a chain.
    "That's the entrance," said Dad, pointing to the little gap. "The navel. Now show
how you model a tunnel."
    "We're not sure about the tunnels," said Puneet. "We're expecting you can help us with th
cruised the Bharat University Physics Department site and found a Chandreskar-Tho
solution that looks like—can you work it for me, Xiao-Xiao?"
    Xiao-Xiao leaned toward the Flatland simulation, her lavender eyes reflecting the sc
She, too, wore a modern uvvy-style computer controller. Following Puneet's instruct
Xiao-Xiao bulged a second bubble up from the plane, about a foot away from the
one. A Square slid into the first one of them and A Pentagon into the other. And now
bubbles picked up a side-to-side motion, and lumps began sticking out of them, and it ju
happened that two of the lumps touched and now there was a tunnel between the two bubbl
    "Look at the screens now," said Barley. "That's Square's view on the left. And Pentag
view on the right."
    Square's view showed a lattice of Squares as before, but the lattice lines were warped
flawed, and in the flawed region there was a sub-lattice of nodes showing copies of
Pentagon. And the Pentagon's view lattice included a wedge of Squares.
    "That's a start," said Dad. "But, you know, these pictures of yours— they're just toys. Yo
talking all around the edges of what the pockets are. You're missing the essence of what th
really about. It's not that they spontaneously bulge up out of our space. It's more that th
raining down on us. From something out here." He gestured at the space ab
Flatland. "There's a shape up there—with something inside it. I've picked up kind of a fee
for it."
    Barley and Xiao-Xiao stared silently at him, their mirrored eyes shining.
    "That's why we need you, Rothman," said Manda, finally.
    "That's right," said Puneet. "The problem is—when it comes to this new tech, we're bo
too."

    "I'll tell you what I think," Wendel said gravely. "I think you're lying to them about what
can do, Dad."
    It was nearly midnight. Wendel was tired and depressed. They were sitting in
abandoned DeGroot plant's seemingly endless cafeteria, waiting for their daily time-slot
the nanomatrix. Almost the only ones there. The rest of their so-called team hadn't b
coming in. Manda and Puneet preferred the safety of San Jose while Barley and Xiao-X
had completely dropped out of sight. What a half-assed operation this was.
    Wendel and his Dad were eating tinny-tasting stew and drinking watery coffee from
vending machines along the wall opposite the defunct buffets. It was a long, overly lit room
far end not quite visible from here, with pearly white walls and a greenish floor, asymmet
rows of round tables like lily pads on the green pond of the floor, going on and on. End
Media shared the cafeteria with the other scavenging little companies that had licensed ac
to the nanomatrix. None of the reputable firms wanted to touch it.
    "Don't talk about it in here, son," Dad said, listlessly stirring his coffee with a plastic sp
"We're not alone, you wave."
    "The nearest people in here are, like, an eighth of a mile away. I can't even make out
faces from here."
    "That's not what I mean. The other groups here, they might be spying on us with gnat-au
stuff like that. They're all a bunch of bottom-feeders like Endless Media, you know. Nob
knows jack from squat, so they're all looking to copy me."
   "You wish. It's good to have work, but you're going to get in deep shit, Dad. You're te
Endless Media you're down with the tech when you're not. You're telling them you can stab
a Big Bubble when you can't. You say you can keep tunnels from hooking into it—but you
know how."
   "Maybe I can. I have to test it some more."
   "You test it every night."
   "Not enough. I haven't actually gone inside it yet."
   "Come on. I'm the one who has to put you back together after a bubble binge
great having an income from this gig, Dad, a better place to live—but I'm not going to let
vanish into that thing. Something just like it killed the whole DeGroot team five years ago."
   His Dad turned Wendel a glare that startled him. It was almost feral. Chair screec
nastily on the tile, he got up abruptly and went across the room to a coffee vend
machine for another latte. Dad ran his card through the slot, and then swore. He sta
back over to the table long enough to say, "Be right back, this card's used up, I've got ano
one in my locker."
   "You're not going to sneak up to the lab without me, are you? Our time-slot starts in
minutes, you know. At midnight."
   "Son? Don't. I'm the dad, you're the kid. Okay? I'll be right back."
   Wendel watched him go. I'm the dad, you're the kid. There were a lot of comeback
could've made to that one.
   Wendel sipped his gooey stew, then pushed it away. It was tepid, the vegetables mu
made him think of bits of leftover food floating in dishwater. He heard a beep, looked tow
the vending machines. The machine Dad had run his card through was beeping, flashing a
light.
   Wendel walked over to it. A small screen on the machine said, DO YOU WISH TO CAN
YOUR PURCHASE?
   Which was only something it said if the card was good. Which meant that Dad
gone to the lab without him. Wendel felt a sick chill that made his fingers quiver . . .
sprinted toward the elevators.

   The pocket was so swollen he could hardly get into the big testing room with it. Maybe
hundred feet in diameter, sixty feet high. Mercuric and yet lusterless. The var
measuring instruments were crowded up against the walls.
   "Dad?" he called tentatively. But Wendel knew Dad was gone. He could feel his abs
from the world.
   He edged around the outside of the Big Bubble, grimacing when he came
contact with it. Somewhere beneath the great pocket was the nanomatrix mat that prod
it—or attracted it? But it wasn't like you could do anything to turn the pocket off once i
here. At least nothing that they'd figured out yet—which was one of the many obsta
preventing this thing from being a realistic public attraction. "Show may last from one to
minutes world-time, and seem to take one hour to three months of your proper time." Ev
there were a way to shut the pocket off now—what would that do to Dad?
   Facing a far corner was the dimpled spot, the entrance navel. On these Big Bubbles
navel didn't always seal over. When Wendel looked into the navel, it seemed to swirl li
slow-motion whirlpool, but in two contradictory directions. Hypnotic. It could still be ente
    Wendel made up his mind: he would go after his dad. He leaned forward, pressed
fingers against the navel, thinking of A Pentagon sliding up over the warped neck that led to
sphere of extra space. His hands looked warped, as if they were underwater. They tingle
not unpleasantly. He pushed his arms in after and then, with a last big breath of air, his h
How would it feel to stop breathing?
    It was a while till Wendel came back to that question. The first feeling of being inside
pocket was one of falling—but this was just an illusion, he was floating, not falling, and he
an odd, dreamlike ability to move in whatever direction he wanted to, not that the mo
seemed to mean much.
    There was a dim light that came from everywhere and nowhere. Spread out around
were little mirror-Wendels, all turning their heads this way and that, gestu
and—yes—none of them breathing. It was like flying underwater and never being out of br
like being part of a school of fish. The space was patterned with veils of color like seawee
water. Seeing the veils pass he could tell that he was moving, and as the veils repe
themselves he could see that he was moving in a great circle. He was like A Pentagon circ
around and around his bulged-up puffball of space. But where was Dad? He changed the a
of his motion, peering around for distinctions in the drifting school of mirror-shapes.
    The motion felt like flying, now, with a wind whipping his hair, and he found a
direction in which the space veils seemed to curve like gossamer chambers of mother-of-p
sketching a sort of nautilus-spiral into the distance. Looking into that distance, that twi
infinity, and feeling the volume of sheer potentiality, he felt the first real wave of bubble-r
His fatigue evaporated in the searing light of the rush, a rippling, bone-deep pleasure
seemed generated by his flying motion into the spiral of the pocket.
    "Whuh-oaaaah . . . ," he murmured, afraid of the feeling and yet liking it. So this was
Dad came here. Or one of the reasons. There was something else, too . . . something Dad n
quite articulated.
    The bubble-rush was so all-consuming, so shimmeringly insistent, he felt he couldn't be
It was simply too much; too much pleasure and you lost all sense of self; and then it
finally, no better than pain.
    Wendel thought, "Stop!" and his motion responded to his will. He stopped where
was—an inertialess stop partway into the receding nautilus-spiral. The bubble-
receded a bit, damped back down to a pleasing background glow.
    "Dad!" he yelled. No response. "Dad!" His voice didn't echo; he couldn't tell how lo
was. There was air in here to be sucked in and expelled for speaking. But when he w
yelling, he felt no need to take a breath. Like a vampire in his grave.
    He tried to get some kind of grasp of the shape of this place. He thought with an ugly fri
of fear:
    Maybe I'm already lost. How do I find my way back out?
    Could A Pentagon slide back out the neck into the ball? Or would he have to wait fo
ball to burn out its energy and flatten back into space?
    There were no images of Wendel up ahead, where the patterns of the space see
to twirl like a nautilus. It must be a tunnel. If pockets were dangerous, the tunnels f
pocket to pocket were said to be much worse. But he knew that's where Dad had gone.
    He moved into the tunnel, flying at will.
    The pattern haze ahead of him took on flecks of pink, human color. Someone else was d
there. "Dad?"
    He leaned into his flying—and stopped, about ten yards short of the man. It wasn't Dad.
man was bearded, emaciated, sallow . . . which Dad could be, by now, in the time-bent byw
of this place. But it wasn't his dad, it was a stranger, a man with big, scared eyes and a grin
looked permanently fixed. No teeth: barren gums. The man sitting was floating in fetal posi
arms around his knees.
    " Ya got any grub on yer, boy?" the man rasped. A UK accent. Or was it Australian?
    "Um—" He remembered he had two-thirds of an energy bar of some kind in a
pocket. Probably linty by now, but likely this 'slug wouldn't care. "You want this?"
    He tossed over the energy bar and the pocket-slug's eyes flashed as he caught it, f
snatched it out of the air. "Good on ya, boy!" He gnawed on the linty old bar with his call
gums.
    It occurred to Wendel that at some point he might regret giving away his only f
But supposedly you didn't need to eat in here. Food was just fun for the mouth, or a bur
extra energy. Right now the scene made him chuckle to himself—the bubble-rush was glow
in him, made everything seem absurd, cartoonlike, and marvelous.
    Between sucking sounds, the 'slug said, "My name's Threakman. Jeremy Threakman.
yer doin."
    "I don't know how I'm doing. I'm looking for my dad. Rothman Bell. He's about.
    "No need, I know whuh 'e looks like. Seen 'im go through 'ere . . ." Threakman looke
Wendel with his head cocked. A sly look. "Feelin' the 'igh, are ya? Sure'n you are. Stoned
boy? Young fer it."
    "I feel something—what is it? What causes it?"
    "Why, it's a feelin' of being right there in yerself, beyond all uncertainty about where
might go. For here, yer are all that is, in yerself. And that'll get you 'igh. Or some say. Ot
like me, they say it's the Out-Monkeys that do it."
    "The Out—what?"
    "Out-Monkeys," said Threakman. "What I call 'em. Other's call 'em Dream Beetles,
'slug in 'ere used ter call 'em Turtles—said 'e saw a Turtle thing with a head like a screw
bottle without the cap and booze pouring out, but 'e was a hardcore alkie. Others they s
more like lizards or Chinese dragons. Dragons, beetles, monkeys, all hairy around the ed
all curlin' out at yer—it's a living hole in space, mate, and you push the picture you want o
Me and the smartuns calls 'em Out-Monkeys 'cause they're from outside our world."
    "You mean—from another planet?"
    "No, mate, from the bigger universe that this one is kinder inside. They got m
dimensions than we do. They're using DeGroot and the nanomatrix—they give all th
us to pull us in, mate. The Out-Monkeys are drizzlin' pockets down onto us, little paradise b
where yer don't 'ave to breathe nor eat an' yer can fly an' there's an energy that stim-yer-
that part of yer brain, don't ya see. The Out-Monkeys want us all stony in here. Part of thei
game, innit? Come on, show yer somethin'. The Alef. Mayhap yer'll see yer da."
    In a single spasmodic motion Threakman was up, flying off in some odd new direc
through the silvery scarves of the enclosing spaces— leaving a rank scent in the air behind
Wendel whipped along after him, remembering not to breathe. Soon, if it could
thought of as soon, they came to a nexus where the images around them thickened up int
incalculable diversity. It was like being at the heart of a city in a surveillance zone w
million monitors, but the images weren't electronic, they were real, and endlessly repeated.
     "The Alef has tunnels to all the pockets," said Threakman. "Precious few of us knows a
it."
     In some directions, he saw pockets with people writhing together— he realized,
embarrassment, that they were copulating. But was that really sex? He made himself
away. In another pocket people were racing around one another in a blur like t
electro-cyclists in the Cage of Death he'd seen at a carnival. Off down the axis of ano
tunnel, people clawed at one another, in a thronging melange of combat; you couldn't tell
from another, so slick was the blood. But the greatest number of the pockets held sol
'slugs, hanging there in self-absorbed pleasure, surrounded by the endless mirror-image
themselves. And one of these addicts was Dad, floating quite nearby.
     "For 'im, mate," said Threakman as Wendel flew off toward his father.
     Not quite sure of his aim, he hit Dad with a thud—and Dad screamed, thrashing back
him. Stopping himself in space to glare shame and resentment at Wendel—like a kid ca
masturbating.
     "What are you doing?" demanded Wendel. "You call this research?"
     "Okay, you really want to know?" snapped his father. "I'm looking for Mom."
     Wendel peered at his father; his Dad's face, here, seemed more like the possibility o
possible Dad facial expressions, crystallized. It was difficult to tell whether he meant
might be bullshit. What was the saying? How do you know an addict is lying? When his
are moving!
     But the possibility of seeing Mom made Wendel's heart thud. "You think she's still in h
Seriously, Dad?"
     "I think the Out-Monkeys got her. That's what happens, you know. Some of the pockets
up—not up exactly, but ana—"
     "To the shape above Flatland," said Wendel.
     "Right," said Dad. "We're in their Flatland, relatively speaking. And I want to get up t
and find her."
     "But you're just floating around in here. You're on the goddamn nod, Dad. Yo
not looking at all."
     "Oh, yes, I am. I'm looking, goddammit. This happens to be just the right spo
stare down through the Alef and up along the Out-Monkeys' tunnel. Not their tunnel, exa
The spot where they usually appear. Where their hull touches us. I'm waiting for them to s
up."
     "The Devil in his motorboat," said Wendel with a giggle. The bubble-rush was cree
back up on him. Dad laughed, too. They were thinking of the old joke about the guys in H
standing neck deep in liquid shit and drinking coffee, and one of them says, "Wal, this ain
bad," and the other one says, "Yeah, but wait till—"
     "Here it comes," said Dad, and it wasn't funny anymore, for the space up ahea
them had just opened up like a blooming squash-flower, becoming incalculably larger, all
of perspective broken, and an all but endless vista spreading out, a giant space filled
moving shapes that darted and wheeled like migrating flocks of birds. It was hard to t
straight, for the high of the bubble-space had just gotten much stronger.
    "The mothership," said Threakman, who'd drifted down to join them. "Yaaar.
you feel the rush off it? Ahr, but it's good. Hello to yer, there, Da . . ." He gave a deep, l
chuckle. Everything was glistening and wonderful, as perfect as the first instant of Crea
and, as with that moment, chaos waited on the event horizon: chaos and terror.
    "Those shapes are the Out-Monkeys?" asked Wendel, his voice sounding high and slo
his ears. "They look like little people."
    "Those little things are people," said Dad. "They're the pets."
    "Livin' decals on the mothership's 'ull," said Threakman. "Live decorations fer
Out-Monkeys. An ant farm for their window box. Ah, yer'll know it when you really se
Out-Monkey, Wendel. When 'e reaches out through the hull ..."
    And then the space around them quivered like gelatin, and the cloud of moving peopl
ahead spiraled in around a shaky, black, living hole in space, a growing thing with fr
fringes, a three-dimensional Mandelbrot formation that, to Wendel, looked like a dan
star-edged monkey made up of other monkeys, like the old Barrel of Monkeys toy he'd
with all the little monkeys hooked together to make bigger monkeys that hooked togethe
make a gigantic monkey, coming on and on: A cross section of a higher-dimensional a
partly shaped by the Rorschach filter of human perception.
    Wendel thought: Out-Monkey? And the thing echoed psychically back at him—Out-Mon
—with the alien thought coming at him like a voice in his head, mocking, drawling, sarca
and infinitely hip.
    The Out-Monkey swelled, huge but with no real size to it in any human sense, and the fa
of space rippled with its motions—the Devil's motorboat indeed—and Wendel felt his w
body flexing and wobbling like an image in a funhouse mirror. Beneath the space wave
sinister undertow began tugging at him. Wendel felt he would burst with the disorientation
all.
    "Dad—we've gotta go! Let's get back to the world! Tell, him, Jeremy!"
    "No worries yet," said Threakman grinning and flaring his nostrils as if to inhale the w
all-pervading rush. "Steady as she goes, mate. Your dad and me, we've 'ad some practice
the Out-Monkeys. We can 'ang 'ere a bit longer."
    "Look at the faces, Wendel!" cried Dad. "Look for Jena!"
    Around the Out-Monkey orbited the people imprisoned on its vast bubble. They seeme
rotate around the living hole in space, caught up in the fractals that crawled around its ed
faces that were both ecstatic and miserable; zoned-out and hysterical.
    "There goes George Gravid," said Dad, pointing. "The original guy from DeGroot." We
stared, spotting a businessman in a black suit. And there, not too far from him were—Ba
and Xiao-Xiao?
    "Come on, come on, come on," Dad was chanting, and then he gave a wild laugh. "
There she is! It's Jena!" His laughter was cracked and frantic. "It's Mom, Wendel! I kn
could find her!"
    Wendel looked—and thought he saw her. Looking hard at her had a telescopic effect,
concentration itself was the optical instrument, and his vision zoomed in on her face—it
his mom, though her eyes were blotted with silver, like the faddish contacts people wore in
World. All those rotating around the Out-Monkey had silvered eyes, mirror-eyes endle
looking into themselves.
    Torn, Wendel hesitated—and then the fractal leviathan swept closer—he
something like its shadow fall over him, though there was no one light source here to thro
shadow. It was as if the greater dimensional inclusiveness of its being overshadowed the o
limited-dimensional beings here . . . and you could feel its "shadow" in your soul. . . .
    "Dad!" Wendel shouted in panic, and his father yelled something back, but he couldn't m
it out—there was a torrent of white-noise crackle upwelling all around him in the grow
"shadow" of the Out-Monkey. "Dad! We have to go!" shrieked Wendel.
    And then Dad plunged forward, arrowing in toward Mom, and Wendel felt him
on the point of a wild, uncontrolled tumble.
    "Ol'roit, mate," said Threakman, grabbing Wendel's arm and pulling him up short. "Keep
'ead now. Ungodly strong rush, innit? It's 'ard not to go all the way in. But remember—if
really want, yer can 'old back from its pullin' field. Let's ease in, nice and quiet-like, an
and snag your da."
    Wendel and Threakman inched forward—Wendel feeling the pull of the Out-Monke
strong as gravity. Yet, just as Threakman said, you didn't have to let it take you, didn't hav
let it pull you down into that swarming blackness of the Out-Monkey's fractal membra
Jeremy Threakman's grip on his arm was solid as the granite spine of the planet E
Wretched, stinking Jeremy Threakman knew his way around the Out-Monkeys. . . .
    Wendel stared in at Mom and Dad: they were swirling around one anot
orbiting a mutual center of emptiness, just as they and the others orbited the gre
center of emptiness within the higher-dimensional being. It reminded Wendel of a partic
carnival ride, where people whirled in place on a metal arm and their whirling cars were
whirled around a central axis.
    "Dad!"
    Dad looked at him—if it could be called looking. In the thrall of the Out-Monkey it
more like he was going through the motions of turning his attention to Wendel, and that atten
was represented by the image of an attentive paternal face. "Wendel, I don't think I can get
It's snagging my ..." His voice was lost in a surging crackle, a wave of static. Then: "
purple, thinking purple . . ." Crackle. ". . . your mom! It wants us!"
    Wendel's arm ached where Threakman clutched him. "We gotter go soon, mate!" said
scarred pocket-slug.
    Mom turned her attention toward Wendel, too, now—she was reaching for
weeping and laughing at once. He wasn't sure if it was psychic or vocal, but he heard her
"We're pets, Wendel!" Static. "Waterstriders penned in a corner of the pond." His mot
face was lit with unholy bliss. "Live bumper stickers." A sick peal of laughter.
    There was another ripple in the space around them, and all of a sudden Mom and Dad w
only a few feet away. Close enough to touch. Wendel reached out to them.
    "Come on, Mom! Take my hand! Jeremy and I—we can pull you out! You can leave if
want to!"
    How Wendel knew this, he wasn't sure. But he knew it was true. He could feel it—co
feel the relative energy loci, the possibility of pulling free, if you tried.
    "We can go home, Dad! You and me and Mom!"
    "Can't!" came his Dad's voice from a squirming gargoyle of his father with a fractal fri
weeping and laughing.
    "Dad don't lie to me! You can do it! Don't lie! You can come! . . ."
    His arm ached so—but he waited for the answer.
    Wordlessly, his father emanated regret. Remorse. Shame. "Yes," he adm
finally. "But I choose this. Mom and I . . . we want to stay here. Part of the gorg
Out-Monkey. The eternal fractals." Static. "... can't help it. Go away, Wendel!"
    "Have a life, Wendel!" Mom said. Several versions of her face said it, several diffe
ways. "Don't come back. The nanomatrix—you can melt it. Acid!" Huge burst of static. "H
up now. It heard me!"
    He felt it, too: the chilling black-light search-beam of the Out-Monkey's atten
spotlighting him like an escaped prisoner just outside the wall. . .
    "No, Mom! Come back! Mom—"
    Mom and Dad swirled away from him, their faces breaking up into laughing, jabbe
fractals. The white noise grew intolerably loud.
    "Gotter leave!" screamed Threakman in his ear. "Jump!"
    With an impulse that was as much resentment of running away in fury as it w
conscious effort, he leapt with Threakman away from the hardening grip of the Out-Mon
and felt himself spinning out through the dimensions and down the tunnels, he and Threakma
a whirling blur, one almost blending with the other . . . he thought he caught a glimps
Threakman's memories, bleeding over in the strange ambient fields of the place from
companion's mind: a father with a leather strap, a woman giving him his first blow job in
backroom of a Sydney bar, his first paycheck, being mugged in London, a stout woman an
leaving him . . . All this time Threakman was steering him through the bent spaces, helping
find his way back.
    And then their minds were discrete again, and they were flying through a vortex effaces
pearly-gray glimmer, through a symmetrical lattice of copies of themselves, back out into
Big Bubble space he'd first entered. And just about then the bubble flattened down into no
space—and burst. He was back in the World.
    Wendel knelt in the huge lab room, sobs of fury bubbling out of him, beside the floor m
the little nanomatrix, slapping his palm flat on the floor, again and again, in his frustration
hurt. Especially, hurt. His dad and mom had chosen that over him. They hadn't really
inescapably caught—it was a choice. They'd chosen their master, the Out-Monkey; they'd
into a spinning closed system of onanistic ecstasy; sequestered their hearts in another worl
the pursuit of pleasure and escape. They'd left him alone.
    "Fuck youl" he screamed, pounding his fist on the nanomatrix. The magical bit of a
high-tech was a fuzzy gray rectangle, for all the world like a cheap plastic doormat. That'
the lab was, really. An empty room, some instruments, and a scrap of magic carpe
the floor.
    "Roit," said Threakman hoarsely, slumping down wearily next to him. "My old man, 'e
the same way. But for 'im it was the bottle. The Out-Monkeys, they use the 'igh to pull their
in. Something sweet 'n' sticky—like the bait for a roach motel. And, God 'elp me, I'm hook
won't make it back out next time. I need to . . . something else. Bloody hell—anything else."
    "Mom and Dad coulda left! They weren't stuck at all!"
    "Yeah. I reckon." Threakman was tired, shaky. Pale. "Lor' I feel bad, mate. I miss that
like it was my only love. Whuh now?"
    Wendel stared down at the nanomatrix. Tiny bubbles glinted in the hairs that covere
endlessly oozing out from it. It was like a welcome mat that someone had sprinkled with b
of mercury. The little pockets winked up at him, as if to say, "Wanna get high?"
    "The chemical factory," said Wendel. "Right next door. I know where there
tank of nitric acid." He pulled at a corner of the nanomatrix. It was glued to the floor
with Threakman working at his side, he was able to peel it free. He rolled up the grimy mat
tucked it under his arm, tiny bubbles scattering like dust.
    The clock on the wall outside the lab said 12:03. All that crazy shit in the Big Bubble
had lasted about a minute of real time. The next team wasn't scheduled till 2:00 A.M. The
were empty.
    Threakman shambled along at Wendel's side as Wendel led them out of the rese
building and across a filth-choked field to the chemical plant, staying in the shadows on
side. Wendel knew the plant well from all the hours he'd spent looking at it and thinking a
modeling it. The guards wouldn't see them if they cut in over here. They skirted the high, s
cylinder of a cracking tower, alive with pipes, and climbed some mesh-metal stairs that le
a broad catwalk, ten feet across.
    "The acid tank's that way," whispered Wendel. "I've seen the train cars filling it up."
rolled up nanomatrix twitched under his arm, as if trying to unroll itself.
    "This'll be the 'ard bit," said Threakman, uneasily. "The Out-Monkeys can see d
onto us, I'll warrant."
    Wendel tightened his grip on the nanomatrix, holding it tight in both hands. It pu
and shifted, but for the moment, nothing more. They marched forward along the catwalk,
feet making soft clanging noises in the night.
    "That great thumpin' yellow one with the writin' on it?" said Threakman, spotting the h
metal tank that held acid. Practically every square foot of the tank was stenciled
safety warnings. "Deadly deadly deadly," added Threakman with a chuckle. He ran ahea
Wen-del to get a closer look, leaning eagerly forward off the edge of the catwalk. "Jus
cuppa tea. Wait till I undog this 'atch. Let's get rid of the mat before I change my mind."
    The nanomatrix was definitely alive, twisting in Wendel's hands like a huge, frantic fish
stopped walking, concentrating on getting control of the thing, coiling it up tighter than be
"Hurry, Jeremy," he called. "Get the tank open, and I'll come throw this fucker in."
    But now there was a subtle shudder of space, and Wendel heard a voice. "Not so fast,
friends."
    A businessman emerged out of thin air, first his legs, then his body, and then his head—
he were being pasted down onto space. He stood there in his black, tailored suit, po
midway on the catwalk between Wendel and Threakman.
    "George Gravid," said the businessman. His eyes were dark black mirrors and
suit, on closer inspection, was filthy and rumpled, as if he'd been wearing it for months
years. "The nanomatrix is DeGroot property, Wendel. Not that I really give a shit. This tu
about played out. But I'm supposed to talk to you."
    There was another shudder and a whispering of air, and now Barley and Xiao-Xiao we
Gravid's side, Barley sneering, and Xiao-Xiao's little face cold and hard. The plant l
sparkled on the three's reflec tive eyes, black and silver and lavender. Wendel took a
back.
    "Run around 'em, Wendel," called Threakman. "I got the 'atch off. Dodge through!"
    Wendel was fast and small. He had a chance, though the bucking of the nanomatrix
continuously distracting him. He faked to the left, ran to the right, then cut back to the left ag
    Gravid, Barley, and Xiao-Xiao underwent a jerky stuttering motion— an instantan
series of jumps—and ended up right in front of him. Barley gave Wendel a contemptuous
slap on the cheek.
    "The Higher One picks us up and puts us down," said Xiao-Xiao. "You can't get pas
You have to listen."
    "You're being moved around by an Out-Monkey?" said Wendel.
    "That's a lame-ass term," said Barley. "They're Higher Ones. Why did you leave?"
    "You're its pets," Wendel said, stomach lurching in revulsion. "Toys." The fumes from
nitric acid tank were sharp in the air.
    "We're free agents," said Gravid. "But it's better in there than out here."
    "The mothership's gonna leave soon," said Barley. "And we're goin' with it. Riding on
hull. Us and your parents. Don't be a dirt-world loser, Wendel. Come on back."
    "The Higher One wants you, Wendel," said Gravid. "Wants to have another com
family. You know how collectors are."
    The nanomatrix bucked wildly, and a fat silver pocket swelled out of its coiled-up end
a bubble from a bubble-pipe. The pocket settled down onto the catwalk, bulging and wai
Wendel had a sudden deep memory of how good the rush had felt.
    "Whatcher mean, the ship is leavin'?" asked Threakman, drawn over to stare at the bub
half the height of a man now. It's broad navel swirled invitingly.
    "They've seen enough of our space now," said Xiao-Xiao. "They're moving on. Com
now, Wendel and Jeremy. This is bigger than anything you'll ever do." She mimed a sarc
little kiss, bent over, and squeezed herself into the pocket.
    "Me come, too," said Barley, and followed her.
    "Last call," said Gravid, going back into the bubble as well.
    And now it was just Wendel and Threakman and the pocket, standing on the catwalk.
nanomatrix lay still in Wendel's hands.
    "I don't know as I can live without it, yer know," said Threakman softly.
    "But you said you want to change," said Wendel.
    "Roit," said Threakman bleakly. "I did say."
    Wendel skirted around the pocket and walked over to where the acid tank's open h
gaped. The nanomatrix had stopped fighting him. He and his world were small;
Out-Monkeys had lost interest. It was a simple matter to throw the plastic mat into the tank
and he watched it fall, end over end.
    Choking fumes wafted out, and Wendel crawled off low down on the catwalk toward
breathable air.
    When he sat up, Threakman and the bubble were both gone. And somewhere deep in
guts, Wendel felt a shudder, as of giant engines moving off. The pockets were gone? Ma
But there'd always be a high that wanted to eat you alive. Life was a long struggle.
   He walked away from the research center, toward the train station, feeling empty,
hurt—and free.
   There were some things at the apartment he could sell. It would be a start. He would d
right. He'd been taking care of himself for a long time. . . .