Crystal's Heart
by B L Miller
part 1
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.
Read at your own risk.  B L

Started 4-10-99

The crowd became louder as the lights went down. Behind the curtain, Crystal 
double-checked the fittings on her peel-away outfit. She listened to the stage 
manager, Rick, welcome everyone and go through the list of women performing that 
evening. All were familiar names to her, having worked at the Tom Cat lounge for 
almost six months now. Two women dressed in skimpy costumes brushed past her to 
take their positions on stage. Crystal nodded and waited next to the center 
pole.
"And so, without further ado," Rick said, "Here are the Tom Cat Kittens starring 
the kitten of the month, Crystal Peaks!"
The crowd became louder as the lights went down. The curtain went up and the 
music began. Crystal wrapped her left calf around the pole, waiting for the 
right moment. The driving, sexy beat was designed to capture the carnal mood of 
the show and the blonde stripper knew how to use that mood to her advantage. As 
she gave her fake smile to the audience, her eyes scanned the tables nearest the 
stage. Experience had taught her well and Crystal was able to quickly pick out 
the prime candidates for tips. Facing the most promising prospect, a middle-aged 
man holding several bills in his hand, she gave him a wink and spun around the 
pole. The girls on either side of her did likewise and they fell into the oft 
performed routine. As the music changed, Crystal tugged on the corset, pulling 
it away from her body. Giving a false smile to the cheers, she shook and wiggled 
her breasts as she had so many times before. Keep looking, she thought to 
herself coldly. Look all you want, you'll never have it. She shimmied and shook, 
causing her oiled mounds to bounce and sway in time with the music.
Tonight, however, fate had other plans for the young stripper. As she moved 
along the edge of the stage, bending down to let the patrons stick money along 
her G-string, a large hand reached out and pulled her off the stage. Crystal 
found herself on the lap of a balding man, his hand still gripping her arm.
"I want a little more than shaking for my money, baby," he said lecherously, 
using his free hand to paw at her exposed breasts. His iron grip made it 
impossible for her to get away, forcing her to put up with the fondling until 
the bouncers arrived to remove the offending patron. As much as Crystal wanted a 
minute to recover, a glare from Rick forced her back upon the stage.
Several rows back, the waiter placed a drink on the table. "Will there be 
anything else?" he asked.
"I'm all set," the man said, turning towards his strikingly beautiful companion. 
"What about you, Laura?"
She held up her half-finished glass. "I'm still working on this one, Peter." She 
put her pen down on the notepad and smirked. "Remember, getting me drunk doesn't 
help your cause at all. Better to spend your money on Studley over there." She 
pointed at one of the bouncers.
"Oh yeah, fat chance of that," Peter replied. He ran his fingers through his 
thinning red hair and looked at the bouncer again. "You think he is?"
"Well…" Laura took another sip of her scotch and soda. "If he is, you'd better 
hope he's into receiving and not giving or you'll be sore little man tomorrow."
"Oh but for a man like that," Peter sighed, earning a chuckle from her. "And 
what about you?" He motioned with his eyes at the stage. "A set like those could 
smother you."
"Yeah but what a way to go." Laura finished her drink and motioned at the 
waiter. "Besides, that's not what we're here for."
"Yeah, yeah…I know you're just getting the layout right for the story. Jeez, you 
gonna pine away forever?"
"I'm not pining away," she said frostily. "I just don't think a stripper is 
exactly what I'm looking for in a mate, that's all."
"Who said anything about lifelong commitment? I'm talking you taking Miss Big 
Tits back to your place and rocking her world for the night." He leaned back and 
lit a cigarette. "Come on, Laura. You need more in your life than your computer 
and your stories. You gotta admit she's a good looking package."
"Thanks but no thanks, Peter. We're just here so I can get the details right." 
She sipped her drink, letting the liquid burn down her throat.
"It's your choice," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing wrong with a little 
tumble in the hay once in a while."
"You are such a slut, Peter," she said with a smile. "You live with Michael and 
run around like single man. You must buy condoms by the case."
"At least I don't need a calendar to remember when I last had sex." Laura gave 
him a death glare but the young man smirked and looked back at the stage. "Say 
what you want, my dear. I say you're still pining away for her."
"I am not," she hissed, jabbing his arm with her elbow.
"Then why haven't you found a new roommate? You know you can't afford that place 
on your own."
"You're my rental agent. How am I supposed to get someone in there when you 
won't show the place?" she retorted, twirling the swizzle stick in the drink.
"I have yet to find anyone who meets your high standards, Laura. I don't think 
the Pope himself would meet your requirements."
"You think I'm being unreasonable?"
"Unreasonable?" Peter threw his head back and laughed. "You want a non-smoker, 
non-drinker, first and last month's rent plus an additional month for security. 
No pets, no kids, no…"
"I get it," she grumbled. "I'm not that bad, but I have to be able to live with 
the person." She sighed and picked up her drink. "Don't you know any gay guys 
looking for a place?"
"You wouldn't want any of the ones I know, trust me." He smirked and drained his 
glass. "They're all neurotic or hopelessly hung up on either their mothers or 
their ex's."
"Oh, you mean like you?" she teased.
Peter feigned a hurt look for a second before grinning. "Well at least I'm 
getting it from someone other than Rosy palm and her five friends."
"Touché." Laura said as she glanced at her watch. "It's getting late and I have 
to meet with the editor early tomorrow."
"They still won't move your deadline?"
Laura shook her head. "You'd think I asked for a million dollar bonus and a one 
year extension." She rose to her feet and reached for her jacket. "Thanks for 
coming with me tonight." She picked up her notebook and purse after Peter helped 
her get her jacket on. "Call me as soon as you hear anything about the 
apartment."
"I will." As they headed toward the front door, he spotted a corkboard with 
dozens of business cards held in place by multi-colored thumbtacks. "Ah, there's 
a good idea." Reaching into his pocket, he found one of his cards and put it up 
in the middle of the board.
**********************
Entering her apartment, Crystal threw her keys on the coffee table and sorted 
through the mail on her way into the kitchen. "Junk mail and bills," she 
grumbled, tossing the pile on the counter. She opened the refrigerator to reveal 
little more than outdated condiments and a nearly empty container of milk. She 
briefly considered having something delivered but the late hour ruined that 
idea. "Fuck it." Opening the freezer, the stripper pulled out a small pizza. She 
put it in the toaster oven and took a glass from the cabinet before heading to 
the living room. Next to the couch was a half-empty bottle of whiskey purchased 
the night before. Crystal filled the glass before reaching for her lighter and 
the joint sitting next to it. The pungent smoke burned her lungs but she held 
her breath for as long as she could before letting it out slowly. Almost 
instantly she felt a fuzziness, her body relaxing under the marijuana's 
influence. Another long toke followed by several sips of whiskey and the 
stripper was too stoned to remember the cooking food. She turned on the 
television, pressing the buttons on the remote until she found the music videos. 
She paid no attention to the band on the screen, caring more for the pounding 
rhythm that numbed her senses in concert with the pot and booze.
Crystal's nose twitched as the foul smoke brought her back from unconsciousness. 
"Wha-what the hell?" Her mind still fuzzy, it took several seconds for her to 
realize that something was wrong. By then the fire from the toaster oven had 
spread up into the cabinets and across the kitchen. The fire was too much for 
her to even think about putting out with an extinguisher. Throwing a lamp off of 
an overturned milk crate, Crystal began filling the container with her most 
prized possessions; a small trophy, a ceramic figurine, an old photo album, a 
folder with her important papers and as many clothes as she could stuff on top. 
As an afterthought she hooked her pocketbook around her neck, fearing she 
wouldn't be allowed back in to get it. She was right.
The fire department was already there, having been called by one of the 
neighbors. As soon as Crystal exited her apartment, they moved in with hoses to 
douse the flames. The stripper stood by helplessly as gallons of water poured 
into her apartment, saving the structure but ruining everything she'd left 
behind. It was either cry or be mad and Crystal chose the latter. After putting 
her I.D. and money in her pockets, she found someone willing to watch her lone 
crate of belongings for the night. After making sure she was no longer needed, 
Crystal went off in search of the nearest bar.
The blonde stripper was well into her second twenty dollar bill when a heavyset 
but pleasant looking guy walked up to her. "Can I buy you a drink?"
"Do I look like I need another drink?" she snapped. "Go waste your lines on 
someone else."
"Hey, I was just trying to be nice," he protested. "You just looked so alone 
over here in the corner."
"Did it occur to you that it might be by choice?" Crystal banged her empty glass 
on the counter, catching the bartender's attention. The would-be Romeo gave up 
and returned to his companions while she numbly took the fresh drink.
"Last call," the bartender said as he walked away. The stripper drained her 
glass as quickly as she could and forced a wink and a smile to get one more 
drink before he officially closed the bar.
Staggering out into the late night air, Crystal stumbled her way towards her 
burned out apartment and the parking lot that her car was parked in. She would 
spend the night curled up in her back seat, too drunk to notice the cold until 
morning.
***************
"No Laura, I haven't found anyone yet," Peter said into the phone as he waved in 
the woman standing in his doorway. "I'll put an ad in the paper tomorrow, okay? 
Yes, I'll call you as soon as I hear something….Okay…bye." He hung up the phone 
and nodded in the direction of the empty chair. "Please, take a seat, Miss. What 
can I do to help you today?"
"I need an apartment," she replied.
"Well then you've come to the right place." He smiled and pulled out a large 
binder full of pictures. "We have several apartments available within eight 
different complexes throughout the area. Are you looking for furnished or 
unfurnished, Miss…?"
"Sheridan. Crystal Sheridan. I'm looking for furnished. But it needs to be less 
than five-fifty plus utilities."
"Well…." Peter gave his best smile and clasped his hands together. "I'm afraid 
the least expensive one-bedroom we have goes for six seventy-five."
"Oh." She tossed the business card she had taken from the board at the club and 
tossed it on his desk. "I'll look somewhere else."
Noticing the thumbtack mark on the card, it took only a second for Peter to 
figure out why the blonde woman looked so familiar. "Wait!" he said excitedly, 
clenching his hands tight to keep his emotions inside. "Would you be interested 
at all in a roommate situation? I know this absolutely adorable two bedroom 
townhouse with a balcony and reserved parking. It's renting for four-fifty plus 
half of the utilities." He opened the file drawer and pulled out the folder for 
Laura's apartment.
Crystal hesitated. "I don't do well with roommates."
"Oh, but this is perfect for you," he replied. "The woman who lives there now, 
Laura, is a writer and spends most of her time locked up in her room working on 
her story." He took the sheet of paper listing Laura's rules out and was looking 
over it when Crystal took a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of her jean 
jacket. Smiling, he discreetly put Laura's list in the can next to his desk. 
"She's very easy going," he assured.
"Good. I can't live with someone who bitches about every little thing."
"Of course not." Peter used his foot to slowly push the waste can under his 
desk. "Just take a look at this." He pulled out one of the pictures of the 
townhouse. "Have you ever seen a more breathtaking place? Right here is the 
breakfast nook, a wonderful place for Sunday morning brunches and over here…" He 
handed her another picture, "…is a better view of the layout. The bedrooms are 
upstairs as is the full bath. See? Privacy and convenience all in one."
"I still don't know." Crystal bit her lower lip and looked again at the 
pictures. The apartment was better than the one she had just lost and the cost 
was substantially less. "Is there a laundry room on site?"
"Better than that." He pointed at one of the pictures. "See those louvered 
doors? The washer and dryer are in there. All you need to do is buy your 
softener and detergent." He pushed the first picture in front of her again. "Did 
you have a dishwasher in your old apartment?"
"No."
"Maintenance just installed a new one in this townhouse not two months ago. 
Surely a busy woman such as yourself would appreciate the convenience of having 
a dishwasher and laundry facilities."
"Four-fifty plus half the utilities?"
"Exactly. Of course you do need first, last, and your security deposit," he said 
sweetly.
Crystal sighed and stood up. "This just isn't going to work."
"B-but this would be perfect for you," the red haired man protested as he rose 
to his feet. "I've been in this particular apartment and let me tell you it is 
absolutely gorgeous." He waved his hands excitedly. "What could possibly be 
wrong?"
"I don't have that much money."
"If you need a week or two, I'm sure I can save it for you."
"I can't wait a week or two. My apartment burned down last night. I need a place 
now."
"Oh you poor dear," Peter gasped, bringing his hands to his face. Crystal rolled 
her eyes and opened the door. "Wait." He stepped around the desk and closed the 
door. "I'm sure we can work something out. We can take payments on the last 
month and security." He reached over and picked up the pictures. "Take another 
look and tell me that isn't the dream apartment. Did I tell you that it was 
within walking distance of the Super Mall and Bragg Lake?"
Watching Crystal stare at the pictures, it was all Peter could do not to giggle 
with excitement. "Before you turn it down, Miss Sheridan…it is Miss, isn't it?" 
He smiled at her nod. "Let's go take a look at it, shall we?" Without waiting 
for an answer, he picked up the phone and dialed Laura's number. To his intense 
delight, the writer wasn't home. "Well now," he said as he hung up the phone. 
"If you'd like to ride with me, we can be there in five minutes." He took the 
key taped to Laura's folder and put it in his pocket.
"I'll take my own car," Crystal said firmly.
"Um…sure, that's fine. Would you mind dropping me back off here when we're 
done?"
"My car is a mess," she lied. "It's best to take both cars."
Peter shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Miss Sheridan, I guarantee you will 
adore this place."
Once they arrived at the complex, Crystal had no choice but to agree with him. 
Fifty townhouses were scattered about the property, winding roads and trees 
helping to create a sense of privacy between the buildings. Following Peter's 
lead, she pulled her car into a parking space.
"Have you ever seen a more exquisite place?" Peter asked as she stepped out of 
her car. "We have a full time grounds crew and maintenance is just a phone call 
away." He led the way up the walk to the front door. The door opened into a 
tastefully designed living room. Abstract art pieces hung on the walls and 
cactus plants graced each end table. The couch and matching chair were made of 
soft brown leather and a rather formidable television took up most of the 
entertainment center.
"Laura has the best taste when it comes to decorating," Peter sighed. "Let's go 
see the kitchen, shall we?"
"Is this where the washer and dryer are?" Crystal asked as they passed by a 
louvered door.
"Yes. Now look over here, Miss Sheridan. This is a chef's delight. Spice rack, 
lazy susan, and this stove has detachable burners that you can replace with a 
griddle or grill."
"I've never seen a stove do that," she admitted, looking at it carefully. One 
wall of the kitchen was nothing but glass with a sliding door that led to a 
comfortably-sized deck. Peter opened the door and led the way outside. A round 
white table with cushioned chairs took up one side while a gas grill sat on the 
other side.
"Those trees are mostly oak and maple," Peter said, pointing at the half-acre of 
trees that buffered the complex from the nearby lake. "They're very pretty in 
the fall when they change colors."
"Uh huh," Crystal replied disinterestedly as she stepped back inside.
"Well, I suppose there's nothing left to show you but the bedroom." He walked 
toward the stairs. "You'll absolutely adore the balcony." He put his foot on the 
first step and stopped when he realized that she wasn't following him. "Miss 
Sheridan?"
The stripper was still standing in the middle of the kitchen, nodding with 
approval. "Four-fifty plus half the utilities?"
This time Peter couldn't contain his excitement. He clapped his hands together 
and smiled broadly. "I'll just go get the paperwork out of the car."
"Wait a minute. Shouldn't I meet this Laura person before I make a decision?"
"Well…I suppose if you feel that's really necessary..." He picked up the black 
book next to the phone and began flipping through the pages. "I'm sure Miss 
Taylor is at her editor's. I'll just give her a little call."
But Laura wasn't with her editor. She wasn't at her brother's or mother's any of 
a dozen other places that Peter called. Crystal was getting more nervous as time 
passed. Peter had given her the rental application to fill out while she waited 
and with every question the stripper felt more nervous. She had fallen in love 
with the place and worried that the writer wouldn't approve of her. The 
townhouse was ten times better than her previous apartment. When Peter went 
outside to retrieve the papers, Crystal went upstairs and found the bedroom that 
she hoped would soon be hers. It was larger than she had imagined, with a good 
sized walk-in closet and a sliding glass door that led to the balcony shared 
with Laura's bedroom. Despite her apparent disinterest in the view, Crystal 
found herself looking forward to waking up to the sight of trees and sky. It 
would be a welcome change from the billboards and brick walls that had been the 
view from her old apartment.
Peter was about to give up when the phone rang. "Hello?"
"Peter?" Laura's voice sound far away. "What's going on? My mother said you've 
been looking for me."
"Where are you?"
"At a pay phone downtown. What's so important and why are you at my place?"
"I have the absolute best news for you. I found a roommate for you and she loves 
the place. How fast can you get home?"
"Home? Peter I can't come home right now. I have to meet Jenny for lunch and be 
at the school by three. Can't we do this tomorrow?"
"Actually she needs immediate occupancy. Her apartment burned down last night."
"I just can't get there." She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Did you check all 
her references and get the deposit?"
"Yes, yes, everything's taken care of," he lied. "My dear, I guarantee she's 
perfect for you, I mean the perfect roommate for you."
"What about later tonight?"
"That'll be too late. She'll look elsewhere and who knows how long it'll be 
before I can find someone." Peter knew he was pushing his luck but he just had a 
feeling about the pairing. "Laura, trust me."
"No smoking, no drinking, no loud music, no…"
"None of that," he assured her, looking upstairs to make sure the blond woman 
wasn't within earshot. "I think you'd be surprised at how well you two will get 
along."
"Peter, I have to get going." She hesitated for a moment. "Are you sure she's 
what I'm looking for?"
"Positive," he replied enthusiastically.
Laura gave another sigh. "I guess I'll have to trust you on this," she said. 
"But if this doesn't work out…"
"It will, it will," he said quickly, hearing Crystal coming down the stairs. 
"That's just fabulous, Laura. I'll tell Miss Sheridan the good news." He hung up 
the phone before she could say anything else. I think Michael and I better go on 
that trip to the mountains soon.
"Were you able to reach her?"
"Not only was I able to reach her but I arranged everything. Laura said if I 
like you then it's fine. And if you can ask me any questions you have about her, 
since I've known her forever. If you'll follow me back to the office, we'll 
finish up the paperwork and I'll give you your key."
*************
It was after dark when Laura arrived home. The first thing she noticed was that 
the only room not lit up was her bedroom. Oh no, you're not going to be leaving 
every light in the house on, she thought to herself as she headed up the 
walkway.
Opening the front door, Laura found herself assaulted by the smell of cigarette 
smoke. A blonde woman was sitting on her couch, an ashtray with several butts 
and three empty beer cans lying on the coffee table next to her. "You must be 
Laura," the woman said as she rose to her feet.
"And you must be Crystal," the writer replied, holding her hand out. "I don't 
want to get off on the wrong foot or anything but didn't Peter go over the rules 
with you?"
"Rules?"
Laura brought her forefinger and thumb up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I 
don't allow smoking."
"You're kidding." The stripper picked up her beer and took several swallows. 
"Mister Knight didn't say anything to me about smoking or rules."
"I'll kill him," Laura muttered, tossing her keys on the counter. "I'm sorry but 
that's just something I can't live with." She picked up the empty beer cans and 
walked over to the sink to rinse them out before putting them in a plastic bag 
to store them until they could be returned to the store for the deposit. "Well, 
it's not the end of the world. You can always go outside to smoke."
"This is going to be fun," Crystal grumbled. "I'll look for someplace else 
tomorrow." She drained her beer and picked up the newspaper. "Mind if I look 
through your paper?"
"Help yourself." Laura opened the refrigerator and peered inside. "Have you 
eaten yet? I have some leftover pasta salad…" She didn't see the gagging face 
Crystal made at the suggestion. "…tofu hot dogs or pizza."
"You a health nut?"
"I believe in eating food that doesn't destroy my body." She set the cardboard 
box on the counter. "The pizza's from Pizza Shed."
"I've had their stuff before," Crystal said, rising up from the couch and 
crossing over to the counter. "What's on it?"
"Not much, mushrooms, peppers, grass…" Laura teased, laughing at the grimace on 
the blonde woman's face. "Just kidding. Mushrooms and peppers, that's all." She 
opened the box and showed Crystal. "One or two?"
"Two, I'm starving." The stripper leaned her elbows on the counter and used her 
foot to hook the leg of the nearby bar stool. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." The writer wiped her hands on the dish towel. "Let's try this 
again. I'm Laura Taylor."
"Crystal Sheridan."
"So Crystal, Peter said something about a fire?" She put the slices on the rack 
and turned the oven on. At the blonde woman's nod she continued. "That's too 
bad. We had a fire when I was a kid. Were you there when it happened?"
"I was sleeping."
"You were lucky to survive."
Crystal grunted an unintelligible reply and reached for another beer. "You know 
where Humphrey Street is?"
"I think it's over by Union, why?"
"There's a one bedroom listed in the paper."
"Ugh, you wouldn't want anything on Humphrey."
"Gotta go where I can afford," Crystal said simply. "Look, if Mister Knight had 
said anything to me about smoking, I wouldn't have taken the place."
"It must have just been an oversight on Peter's part." And when I get my hands 
on him… She let the thought go unfinished. "We can work something out."
"Like what? I smoke and you don't want a smoker."
"So we compromise. You can smoke on the deck and balcony, just not indoors."
"You mean if I want a smoke in the morning I have to get dressed and go out on 
the deck?" Crystal shook her head. "I'll get one of those air filter things but 
I should be able to smoke in my bedroom if I want to."
"But nowhere else," Laura cautioned. "He did tell you half of all utilities and 
you pay for your own long distance calls."
"Don't worry. I'm not one for making lots of phone calls."
"So we'll give it a try and see how it goes." She shut the oven off and pointed 
at the far cupboard. "Would you please get the plates?"
Minutes later they were sitting at the breakfast nook, eating their pizza. Laura 
took a sip from her glass of water and glanced at the woman sitting across from 
her. Crystal was being extremely quiet, only the sound of newspaper rustling 
coming from her side of the counter. There was something vaguely familiar about 
the blonde to Laura but she couldn't figure it out. "So Crystal," she began, 
"I'm a writer. What do you do?"
"I'm…a dancer," she replied.
"Oh? Ballet?"
Crystal snorted and shrugged her shoulders. "Something like that." At that 
moment her beeper went off. Retrieving it from her waist, the stripper held it 
up and frowned at the familiar number on the display. "I need to use the phone."
"In the living room next to the couch," Laura said. When Crystal turned around, 
the writer was treated to the sight of tight-fitting jeans framing well-toned 
cheeks and thighs. It was then that she was able to figure out why the blonde 
woman looked so familiar. The stripper. Oh Peter, you are really in for it this 
time.
The call lasted only a few minutes but it was enough for Laura to finish her 
pizza and put her plate in the dishwasher. "I have some writing to do so I'll 
say good night now," she said as Crystal hung up the phone. "Please make sure 
all the lights are off and the doors are locked."
"Night."

Crystal watched as her new roommate went upstairs, leaving her alone for the 
evening. Retrieving her pizza and beer from the counter, she picked up the 
remote and settled down on the couch. She flicked through the channels while 
nibbling on her pizza, eventually settling on an inane comedy. The show failed 
to keep her interest and she was soon channel surfing again. "Fuck." The remote 
landed on the coffee table and the beer can was quickly emptied. A cigarette was 
lit without thought and only after several drags were taken did she remember 
Laura's rule. Cursing again, Crystal walked into the kitchen, picked the up last 
two cans of beer, and opened the sliding glass door.
Settling down into one of the white plastic chairs, the stripper put her feet on 
the railing and stared out at the night sky. What the hell am I doing here? I 
can't live with Miss Straight-Laced. She thew the cigarette away and opened a 
beer. Off in the distance an owl hooted its greeting to the other creatures of 
the darkness. Swallowing quickly, Crystal guzzled half the can before setting it 
back down. Good night to get drunk, she thought sourly. She decided that Laura 
must have had the door to the balcony open upstairs because she could hear the 
other woman typing away at the computer. Draining her beer, Crystal stood and 
went inside.
Laura heard the sliding glass door close, followed soon after by the sound of 
footsteps on the stairs. Her door ajar, she saw the blonde woman walk past with 
a can of beer in her hand. Great, she's probably got a drinking problem. Sighing 
audibly, she shook her head and turned her attention back to her story. She 
typed a few sentences before the sound of furniture being moved about distracted 
her again. I'm not going to get any work done with all that noise. Pushing away 
from the computer, Laura stood and walked over to Crystal's room. "Do you need 
any help?" she asked through the closed door.
"No, I got it," came the reply.
"Okay, night then." She waited a few seconds for a reply before giving up and 
returning to her own room. Once inside, she shut the door and picked up the 
phone. Dialing the familiar number, Laura waited through several rings before 
the answering machine came on.
"Hi, this is Peter and Michael. We can't come to the phone right now, please 
leave a message…beep."
"Peter, this is Laura, I know you're home so pick up the phone." She waited a 
moment, then continued. "Fine. Call me when you get in. It's very important." 
She pressed the receiver down for a second, then released it and dialed another 
number. This time she was greeted with a pleasant voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi Jenny, it's Laura."
"Hi hon, what's up?"
"You busy?"
"No, not really, just watching TV. What's going on?"
Laura looked at the door. "I can't talk about it over the phone. Can I come 
over?"
"Is something wrong? Laura, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Jen, I just need to talk."
"Okay, come on over. I'll be here."
"Thanks, I'll see you in about fifteen minutes or so." Laura said her good-byes 
and hung up. She thought about letting Crystal know she was going out but 
decided against it. She'll figure it out when she hears the door close, she 
thought as she tied her sneakers and changed out of her T-shirt in favor of a 
light blue short sleeved one.
*********************
Laura pulled her Jeep into the driveway, smiling when she saw the outside light 
come on and Jenny open the front door. Their break-up two years before had been 
an amicable one and the two women enjoyed a closeness that only ex-lovers could 
share. Jenny was a therapist and as such always a safe place for Laura to go and 
get things off her chest. "I'm glad you were home. You wouldn't believe what's 
been going on," she said as she approached the door.
"What on earth happened between lunch and now?" Jenny asked as they entered the 
house.
"I'm going to kill Peter." She sat down on the couch, tucking one leg beneath 
her to face her ex-lover, who sat at the opposite end. "You won't believe what 
he did."
"I thought he found you a roommate?"
Laura snorted. "A roommate? A roommate from hell, maybe. She smokes and like to 
take beers into her bedroom at night."
"A smoker?" Jenny shook her head. "What was he thinking? Didn't you tell him 
that you needed a non-smoker?"
"Of course I did. I gave him an explicit list of rules." She ran her fingers 
through her dark hair and sighed. "She's a stripper."
"A stripper? You mean a take-it-all-off, money-down-the-crotch stripper?"
"Exactly," Laura said.
"And this is what you're so upset about?"
"This just isn't going to work out."
"And you know this from one day?"
"Don't you start that psychology stuff with me, Jen," the writer warned. "It 
only took a few minutes, actually." She reached over and put her hand on Jenny's 
knee, an old, familiar gesture between the ex-lovers. "She never says please and 
it's like pulling teeth to get a thank you out of her."
"So she's not little Miss Manners. Does she know you're gay?"
Laura shook her head. "I don't think so unless Peter told her."
"So does this roommate from hell have a name?"
"Crystal."
"Well, look on the bright side. If Crystal is a stripper, maybe she'll give you 
a private show." Jenny's teasing earned her a playful swat on the thigh.
"Don't you start. It's been too long."
"For me too," the therapist agreed, letting her fingertips lightly brush over 
Laura's forearm.
"You know there's no law that says that ex's can't sleep together once in a 
while."
"True," Jenny agreed. "But do you really think it's such a good idea?"
"Oh, I think it's a splendid idea," Laura said huskily, scooting forward on the 
couch until her lips were near her ex-lover's ear. "Consider it rekindling old 
memories."
"Consider it you're horny, you mean," Jenny replied.
"Well, lack of sex was never a problem in our relationship, if I remember 
correctly." The writer continued to press for her side of the argument by 
nibbling Jenny's earlobe. Her voice took on a smoky timber. "How about sharing 
your bed with me tonight, hmm?"
"Damn, I hate when you talk to me in that tone of voice," Jenny replied, arching 
into the wandering lips.
"Yeah, I can tell," she murmured, moving her fingers down to undo the buttons of 
Jenny's shirt. Soon the two halves separated, revealing creamy white skin, her 
breasts too small to bother with a bra. Laura pressed her down on the couch and 
began running her lips along the exposed collarbone. She felt Jenny's fingers 
sink into her hair and guide her lower. "A bit eager, Jen?"
"Stop teasing me…oh!" Whatever else the therapist might have wanted to say was 
lost when soft lips closed around her nipple and began suckling.
Laura moaned against the breast she was playing with and pressed her hip against 
the body squirming beneath her. "I miss this," she murmured, kissing her way 
across Jenny's chest to lick and kiss the other nipple. Feeling a tugging on her 
shirt, she sat up and stilled the therapists wandering hands.
"You're not gonna fold it, are you?"
Laura stopped unbuttoning her shirt and looked down at her ex-lover. "You know I 
don't like wrinkles." Removing the shirt, she folded it neatly and set it down 
on the coffee table. The bra came next, the cups folded one within the other. 
Jenny tugged her own top off and let it go sailing across the room.
"You know I hate that," Laura said, looking pointedly at the rumpled shirt.
"And I hate the way you have to fold everything." Jenny let her fingers comb 
through Laura's black hair.
"I am a bit neurotic about that, aren't I?" She leaned down and let their lips 
brush together. "How did you ever put up with me?"
"Well, you could have worse faults than being an obsessive compulsive."
"Is that like being anal retentive?" the writer teased as she pressed her thigh 
between Jenny's legs, pleased with the resulting moan. She planted kisses along 
the therapist's jaw until her lips found an ear framed by soft brown hair. "I 
think we can find something better to do than bring up each other's faults, 
don't you, my little analyst?" Laura flexed her thigh muscles to further her 
point.
"Y-yes, I think we can," Jenny agreed, her breath coming in short pants. "Don't 
tease me."
"I thought you liked being teased." Laura grinned devilishly before lowering her 
lips to her ex-lover's breast. "And teased and teased…"
**************************
Crystal whimpered and thrashed about in her bed for several minutes before the 
nightmare became too great to bear and she scared herself awake. Heart pounding, 
she looked around in the darkness, momentarily confused by the unfamiliar 
surroundings. The red numbers of the alarm clock glared at her, taunting her 
with the later hour. Fuck, not tonight, she silently pleaded as sleep continued 
to elude her. Frustrated, she sat up and reached for her cigarettes and lighter. 
Seconds later the bluish gray smoke swirled around her head. It's just because 
it's my first night in a new place, she told herself. The thought failed to give 
Crystal any comfort and she found herself turning on the lamp, letting the pale 
yellow light cast away the shadows and help dissipate some of her fear. She 
looked at the clock again. Guess Laura isn't coming back tonight. Setting her 
cigarette in the ashtray, she opened the drawer of her night stand. A small 
metal pipe and film canister were removed along with an incense cone and holder. 
After making sure the incense was lit, Crystal filled the pipe with the 
marijuana hidden in the film canister. The urge to numb out her feelings was too 
strong to resist. As her body finally relaxed under the pot's influence, the 
images from her nightmare eased in their intensity. Her vision blurred and she 
wiped her the back of her hand angrily across her eyes as the tears began to 
fall.
It had been almost two months since she last had a nightmare and there had been 
a tiny sliver of hope that they were gone forever. Should've fucking known, she 
thought sourly as she repacked her pipe. The bad dreams…and the memories that 
caused them, had been with her for over twelve years now and Crystal feared they 
would never leave her. The drug kicked in hard after her third bowl and when 
sleep finally reclaimed the stripper, it was without the nightmares.
********************
Laura arrived home the next morning to find Crystal sitting on the deck, smoking 
a cigarette and reading the morning paper. "Good morning."
"Morning," the stripper replied, setting the paper on the table.
Laura frowned at the haphazard way the sections of the newspaper were stacked. 
Doesn't anyone believe in putting things back the way they were? she silently 
mused. "Are you done with this?"
"Yeah." Crystal took a long drag of her cigarette and flicked the butt over the 
railing. "Hey, you mind if I get a new shower curtain? I don't like the one you 
have."
"Um…sure." Laura shrugged her shoulders. "That one's only a few months old."
"Yeah but I can't stand all those frilly flowers and stuff." The stripper stood 
up and tucked her cigarette pack into the pocket of her jeans. "I'll pick one up 
this afternoon on my way to work."
Looking at the bust straining against the cotton shirt, Laura flushed at the 
memory of Crystal swaying her breasts for the crowd at the Tom Cat Club. "So 
where is it that you work at?" she asked, hoping to start something resembling a 
conversation between the two of them.
"Downtown," Crystal replied, swallowing down the rest of her coffee.
Laura let the deliberate evasion slide, sensing that the topic was not a 
comfortable one for the younger woman. "I'm picking up tacos tonight for dinner. 
Would you like me to pick some up for you as well?"
"Naw, I don't do rabbit food." Crystal glanced at her watch. "Gotta go."
"Well, have a good day." Laura received a noncommittal grunt in reply as the 
stripper walked past her and into the townhouse. I can't believe I agreed to 
this, she thought to herself. Her eyes fell upon the mess on the table. Crystal 
had left behind her coffee mug, a small plate filled with crumbs, a bunched up 
paper towel, and the disorganized newspaper. Unable to leave a mess, Laura took 
the dishes to the dishwasher and straightened out the newspaper. When she poured 
herself a cup of coffee, she spotted a ring on the kitchen counter. You can't 
take the dishrag and wipe down the counter? Laura muttered curses for several 
minutes while cleaning up the counters and stove. When her task was finished, 
she picked up the phone and called Peter's office only to find that he had taken 
the day off. She called his house.
"Hi, this is Peter and Michael. We can't come to phone right now, please leave a 
message…beep."
"Peter, where are you? Call me when you get in." Unable to vent on the one 
person she wanted to, Laura dialed the number to Jenny's office.
"You're lucky Mrs. Cranston cancelled," Jenny said when Laura walked into her 
office. "I've got forty minutes before my next appointment. What's up? Still 
having problems with the roommate from hell?"
"She's driving me nuts, Jen. The woman doesn't know the meaning of cleaning up 
after herself." Laura flopped down on the couch and sighed. "She messed up my 
paper and I swear she's allergic to putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher."
Jenny nodded, familiar with her ex-lover's obsession with cleaning. "Is she 
really a slob or is she just not as neat as you are?"
"I'm not asking her to mop the floor every day," the writer defended. "But would 
it kill her to wipe down the counter? You should have seen the bathroom." Not 
giving Jenny a chance to interrupt, she continued. "Do you think she could have 
draped her towel over the shower rod to dry? No, of course not. She left it 
bunched up on top of the hamper. Not that there was any room on the rod to put 
the towel."
Jenny closed her eyes, not really wanting to ask. "What was on the rod?"
"Panties, if you can call a little triangle and dental floss panties. How can 
she be comfortable with that thing stuck up between her cheeks like that 
anyway?"
"I don't think those are designed for comfort, Laura. They're probably for her 
job."
"I don't care, they don't need to be hanging off the shower rod."
"Would you prefer she put up a clothesline and hang them from there? Obviously 
they aren't the kind that should be put in a dryer. Not everyone wears sensible 
white cotton panties," Jenny reasoned. Laura frowned at the obvious logic in the 
therapist's words.
"Well she can't leave them there," she said finally, her agitation deflated 
somewhat.
"Then suggest someplace else she can hang them. So she doesn't pick up after 
herself and hangs her wet clothes over the shower curtain. What other horrible 
things does she do?"
"You think I'm being unreasonable, don't you?"
"You're not unreasonable, Laura. You have some valid points, especially about 
Crystal picking up after herself. However, you have to be a bit flexible here, 
too. She does pay half the bills now. You can't have complete control over the 
place anymore."
"I'm going to kill Peter when I find him, you know."
"I know," Jenny said, knowing full well it was an empty threat. Peter and Laura 
had been friends since high school and there was little, if anything, that one 
could do to the other that wouldn't be forgiven. "So you're not going to bitch 
at her about the undies in the bathroom."
Laura sighed in resignation. "Fine, but she has to be more responsible about 
picking things up around the place. I'm not going to be her personal maid."
"Is she going to be there tomorrow night?"
"I don't know," Laura shrugged. "I hadn't thought about it. I think she's 
working."
"You might want to check that out before everyone arrives." Jenny smirked. "Or 
at least you should warn her about your mother."
Laura rolled her eyes and groaned. "Now there's a meeting I'd rather not 
witness. Can you imagine if my mother found out she's a stripper?"
"She'd flip…probably worse than when she found out about us," Jenny said. 
"Speaking of which, does she know I'm coming?"
"No. I thought I'd surprise her with your presence. You know what a special 
place you have in her heart."
Jenny gave a derisive snort. "Don't get me started, Laura. I try very hard to 
remember that your mother is just set in her ways and nothing will change the 
way she thinks. I'm only going because Bobby expects me to be there."
"What'd you get him, anyway?"
Jenny smiled. "You know those speakers for his stereo system that he wanted for 
his car? I thought that'd make a great graduation gift."
Laura's eyes widened. "You're kidding. That had to have cost well over two 
hundred dollars."
"Two eighty-seven and change, actually." Jenny shrugged her shoulders. "What can 
I say? I told him if he aced his Physics exams I would get him something 
special."
"No wonder he studied so hard. Mom and I both told him flat out no to the 
speakers."
"Well, your mother did get him that computer and printer."
"And I got him the programs he needed so he should be all set."
"Except for his internet access, his email address, and an unlimited supply of 
single college aged girls from all over the country," Jenny added.
"I don't think he'll have to look far for a girlfriend, Jen. He already has 
girls calling Mom's place a dozen times a night looking for him."
"I told you, didn't I? When he was thirteen and his eyebrows started to darken, 
didn't I tell you then that the girls would be all over him?" The therapist 
smiled smugly. "There's just something about you Taylor's that women can't 
resist."
. "Yeah? Then why am I single?" Laura asked with a smile.
"Because Ms. Right hasn't come along yet. Who knows? Maybe you and Crystal…"
"Don't even think about it," the writer warned. A quick knock on the door was 
followed by Jenny's secretary opening the door and poking her head inside.
"Miss Foster? Your eleven o'clock is in the waiting area and appears quite 
upset."
"Really?" Jenny raised her eyebrows in surprise. A quick glance at her watch 
revealed that her client had arrived a full half-hour before their usual 
appointment time. The therapist smiled apologetically at Laura. "I think we'd 
better stop now. I'll see you tomorrow night."
"Okay hon." They shared a quick hug and kiss before Jenny escorted Laura out of 
her office and the teary-eyed Mrs. Duncan in.
********************
Laura was sitting in front of the computer, cleaning up the ever-growing pile of 
unanswered email when she heard the key in the downstairs' lock. A quick glance 
at the clock on the lower corner of the screen alerted her to the time, a few 
minutes shy of midnight. She left her room and headed down the stairs, entering 
the kitchen in time to see Crystal remove a can of beer from the refrigerator. 
Do you drink anything else? she wondered to herself before speaking. "Ahem…" She 
waited until the stripper turned to face her before continuing. "Are you working 
tomorrow evening?"
The blonde woman opened her can and took several swallows before answering. "No. 
Why? You need me to split for the night or somethin'?"
"My little brother is graduating from high school with honors and we're having 
dinner for him over here tomorrow night." In the back of Laura's mind, her 
mother's strict rules about following proper etiquette fought with her desire to 
not have her family meet her new roommate. In the end, the long-instilled 
training from her mother won out. "You're welcome to come, of course. It isn't 
anything fancy, just him, my mother and Jenny. I don't know if Peter and Michael 
will be here or not. I haven't been able to reach him lately." Laura made a 
mental note to try calling them again.
"Don't worry about it," Crystal waved her hand dismissively. The can went to her 
lips again for several more swallows. "I'm not into family get-togethers anyway. 
I'll make myself scarce." She turned and opened the refrigerator, pulling out 
the remaining three cans. "Shit," she cursed softly, only now remembering she 
meant to stop on the way home and pick up more beer. She thought about the small 
baggie in her pocket and resigned herself to making the three beers last for the 
night. She brushed past Laura and headed up the stairs, shutting herself in her 
room without another word to the writer.
Laura checked the locks before shutting off the downstairs lights and returning 
to her room. Peeved at the way Crystal ignored her, she found herself too keyed 
up to go to sleep. Sitting in front of the computer once again, Laura closed the 
email program and brought up her word processor. A few seconds later and her 
newest story appeared on the screen. Resting her finger on the Page Down button, 
she watched her words flash past her until she reached the bottom. Lacing her 
fingers together, she cracked her knuckles and reached for the keyboard. She 
reread the last few sentences to familiarize herself with what was happening 
within the story and began typing.
Less than ten minutes later Laura found herself lifting the hair off the back of 
her neck and groaning. I hope there's a nice breeze tonight. After making sure 
there were no loose papers that could fly about, she crossed over to the sliding 
glass door and opened it. A full length screen kept the insects out but let what 
turned out to be a wonderfully gentle breeze in. The scent of a nearby lilac 
bush caught her nose along with something else.
Laura stepped closer to the doorway and sniffed again. Oh great, a druggie. 
Moving to the inner door, she opened it and crossed the landing to knock on 
Crystal's door.
"What?" came the annoyed voice.
"We need to talk," the writer replied. She heard the sounds of drawers opening 
and closing before Crystal came to the door. It opened to reveal the stripper 
dressed in a pair of sweats and a faded cotton tee. The odor of marijuana was 
all around the young woman and Laura's nose crinkled in disgust. Crystal's eyes 
were mere slits, looking extremely tired were it not for the goofy smirk on her 
face. "You can't be doing this here," she said firmly.
"What I do in my room is my own fucking business. I'm not a drug addict and I'm 
not a dealer."
"It's still illegal," Laura pointed out. "The police…"
"The police won't care about the little amount I have," Crystal cut off the 
older woman. "Jeez Laura, you're so fucking uptight maybe you should take a few 
hits. You know, help calm you down a little?" Make you less of a pain in the 
ass.
"No, thank you. I don't believe in clouding my brain with illegal drugs."
"Naw, it's just okay to fuck it up with alcohol, right?" The stripper shook her 
head. "Fucking hypocrite," she mumbled as she shut the door.
Laura stood there in shock, not believing what she had heard. I'm uptight? Just 
because I don't want to do drugs? "Alcohol is different, Crystal," she yelled 
loud enough to be heard through the closed door.
"Whatever," came the reply. "If the smell bothers you I'll light an incense, 
okay?"
"Why do you think that hiding something makes it all right?" Laura asked.
"What makes you think I care what you think?" Crystal snapped. "I told you…I'll 
light a fucking stick if the smell bothers you. Other than that, deal with it." 
Laura heard the sound of a drawer opening followed soon after by the flick of a 
lighter. Grunting in frustration, the writer returned to her room, shutting the 
door with a resounding bang.
Laura shut down the computer, deciding she was too aggravated to give writing a 
serious try and not feeling like working on her email. Once the computer was 
shut off and the dust covers in place, she crossed over to the sliding glass 
door, preparing to shut it for the night. She caught a whiff of burning incense 
and frowned. Peter, I'm going to kill you, she silently vowed as she slid the 
door closed.
Across the hall, Crystal sat on her bed, her eyes staring at the worn photograph 
in her hand. It showed two small girls standing in front of an old mobile home. 
Where are you, Patty? she asked silently, her finger running over the familiar 
picture. I could really use you now. She emptied another beer and reached for 
her pipe. Letting the photo rest on her lap, Crystal held the pipe in one hand 
and her lighter in the other. She inhaled deeply, pulling as much smoke as she 
could hold into her lungs. Only when she felt as though she would burst did she 
slowly let the smoke out, her head already feeling the effects of the deep hit. 
Putting the lighter and pipe on the nightstand, Crystal laid her head back on 
the pillows and stared up at the stucco ceiling. Images of childhood played in 
her head…two sisters, hair blonder than the sun, bicycling through the trailer 
park, laughing and enjoying a warm summer day. As it always did, a darker memory 
surfaced. Crystal angrily sat up and reached for her pipe. No fucking way I'm 
going through this tonight, she vowed, lighting up the marijuana and sucking as 
hard as she could. She recognized the feelings for what they were and 
desperately wanted to avoid having any nightmares tonight. The pot made that 
possible, taking her to a place where her father's anger and violence couldn't 
reach, where nothing mattered except the temporary peace offered by the weed. 
But some nights the memories refused to be numbed out by the drugs and this 
night proved to be one of them.

Lying in bed, fourteen year old Crystal listened to the muffled sobs coming 
through the wall separating her room from the one her older sister slept in. She 
cried at the helplessness she felt, the inability to help Patty. She had tried 
twice to protect her sister from their father and both times earned a beating so 
severe that it kept her home from school for days. The last time had been less 
than a week ago and her eye still bore the bruising from his fist. Patty's cries 
became more frequent, intermixed with her father's carnal grunts. Crystal buried 
her head in her pillow and cried even harder, sharing the pain her sister was 
going through and fearing that this would be the night her father stopped at her 
door.
Minutes later she heard the familiar sound of her father walking down the hall. 
Suddenly the footsteps stopped outside her door. Crystal's heart beat rapidly 
for several seconds before the steps started up again, not stopping until the 
door to his bedroom closed. The bathroom separated her room from her parent's, 
making eavesdropping impossible. However, it also made it easier for the two 
siblings to have their own private conversations.
Once she was certain her father wouldn't leave his room, Crystal slipped out of 
bed and slowly opened her door. She peeked down the hall at her parent's door 
and carefully crept into her sister's room.
Patty was lying on her bed, curled up in a ball and sobbing helplessly. Crystal 
climbed in the bed and hugged her older sister. "Y-y-you should get back to bed 
before he finds you in here," Patty warned.
"No, he won't come back," she said, holding her sister tighter. "We need to run 
away." It was a discussion they had at least once a week for the last few 
months. "Please Patty, we can't keep living like this. We can go away…to the 
city or something."
"We can't, you're too young," Patty replied. "The police would find us and we'd 
be in even worse trouble than if we just stayed here."
"But he keeps hurting you," the young teen pleaded. "And she won't stop him. I 
know she hears but she never does anything."
"What can she do, Crystal? He'd just hit her again and then it'd be worse."
The sisters sat together in bed for several minutes before Crystal spoke.
"How old were you when he…?" she let the question hang, not wanting to actually 
put a name on the horrible act. Patty hesitated for a moment before answering.
"Fifteen."
"How much longer do you think he's gonna wait until he comes for me?" Crystal 
asked in a timid voice. "I can't go through that, Patty, I just can't." She 
sniffed and wiped away her tears. "Please."
There was silence in the room for several minutes before the elder sister spoke. 
"Go in your room and empty out your backpack. Put warm clothes and your 
underwear in it. Put your sneakers on and a warm sweater." Patty stood up and 
quietly opened her top dresser drawer. Hidden in the back was a pair of black 
socks. She unfolded them to reveal a small wad of cash. "I was hoping to finish 
high school and get us a place after I graduated," she whispered. "We'll go 
north, to Berlin. It's a college town. We can get a small place there and hide 
out until we figure out what to do."
Despite their fears of him suddenly waking up and discovering their plans, the 
sisters were able to escape the mobile home without being caught. Deciding that 
their bicycles would be too obvious, they left on foot, sticking to back roads 
and shadows until they reached the downtown area. Both girls were tired but that 
feeling was overshadowed by fear. Block after block they walked, talking about 
how wonderful life would be once they ran away. The bus station was several 
miles away and it was close to midnight by the time they reached the brightly 
lit place. Patty made Crystal hide in the shadows while she went inside to get 
the tickets. As the bus pulled up, the fourteen year old believed that they were 
going to make it, that freedom was finally within their grasp. Feeling somewhat 
confident, Crystal crossed the brightly lit parking lot in search of her sister. 
She found Patty coming out proudly displaying two one-way tickets.
"You got them," she said excitedly. "Which bus is ours?"
"Easy Sis," Patty replied. "Our bus doesn't leave until seven. These buses are 
all done for the night."
"But…" The thought of staying in the city for another seven hours when she knew 
her father would discover them missing within five didn't make her feel any 
better. "What about Daddy?"
"Hopefully the bastard has a heart attack in his sleep," the elder Sheridan 
replied, knowing her sibling shared her sentiments. "He won't find out we're 
missing until at least five or five-thirty if we're lucky. There's no way he'll 
figure out where we are before our bus leaves at seven."
Trusting her older sister's words, Crystal relaxed and allowed herself to be led 
to the shadows where the girls rested on the cool grass near a chain-link fence. 
The young teen was glad Patty told her to wear a sweater as the night air took 
on a slight chill. The long walk was more than enough to exhaust the two teens 
and they fell asleep within minutes.
When Crystal woke it was to the harsh brightness of the morning sun and the 
sound of her sister's voice. "What time is it?" she grunted as she wiped the 
sleep out of her eyes.
"Six. The bus will be here within an hour. I don't have much money but I thought 
we could get something cheap at the diner over there."
Crystal agreed, hoping more for the bathroom than food. For the first time in 
years the girl was happy, certain that an hour from now they'd be leaving the 
city and with it, the horror that was their father.
But freedom was not to be for Crystal. It was ten minutes to seven when they 
decided to head over to the bus station. They had just exited the diner and were 
crossing the street when Patty heard the sound of screeching brakes. She turned 
to see her father jerking the wheel to the side and head in their direction. 
"It's him!" she shouted. Running directly to the bus station was out of the 
question. He would simply pull them off the bus. They only had one chance left. 
Patty reached in her pocket and removed one of the two bus tickets. "Here." She 
thrust it in Crystal's hand. "We have to split up and double back in time to 
catch the bus. He can't chase both of us and he'll probably follow me first." 
They began running away from the station, their father hampered from direct 
pursuit by the other morning traffic. "Go up Central until you can cut over and 
come back down Hudson. You should end up right in front of the station. I'll go 
this way."
Crystal nodded her understanding as tires squealed and they saw their father 
heading for them. The sisters separated, Patty running across the busy street 
and heading north while Crystal turned the corner and headed south as her sister 
instructed. Absolute horror filled the young teen's heart when she saw the car 
turn and follow her.
The young teen was no match for a speeding car. She managed to buy some time by 
suddenly doubling back, forcing him to pull over and turn around, but it wasn't 
enough. She knew she'd never make it back to the station in time. She knew her 
father wouldn't settle with just catching her and thought about the bus ticket 
stuffed in her pocket. It was a dead giveaway to where Patty would be going. As 
she ran past a garbage can, Crystal made her decision and threw the ticket away. 
Less than a block later the chase was over. Her father pulled the car onto the 
curb, blocking off her escape. He was upon her in seconds. Crystal screamed as 
he grabbed a handful of hair and jerked her towards him.
"Where is she?" he screamed.
"I-I don't know."
"You're lying." She was punished with a resounding slap to the face. "Where the 
fuck did she go?"
She knew that there was nothing she could say to avoid punishment. All she could 
do was the one thing she had never been able to do before…protect her older 
sister. "I don't know," she repeated.
"You lying bitch!" He smacked her several times before slamming the door shut 
and getting behind the steering wheel. As he sped home, they passed a blue and 
gray bus on its way out of town. Crystal dared to look out the window and saw a 
figure looking down at her. The tinted windows made it hard to see her clearly, 
but there was no doubt that the hand pressed against the glass was Patty's. 
Taking a chance, Crystal mimicked the gesture. The bus turned onto the highway, 
forever separating the two sisters.
Crystal's father remained quiet during the ride home but his dark eyes 
constantly flicked from the road to the rear view mirror where he leveled deadly 
glares at his youngest child. The fourteen year old tried desperately not to cry 
in front of the man who saw tears as a weakness but she was absolutely terrified 
of what he would do to her once they returned home.
Crystal thrashed about, mumbling incoherently as the line between dreams and 
reality blurred. "No…no Daddy, please stop. I'll be good…" The words gave way to 
whimpers as she relived the nightmare of that morning eleven years ago. "No 
Daddy, please…No!" With a final cry, she scared herself awake. It was several 
seconds before she realized where she was. "Shit." She fumbled about in the dark 
for the lamp, then for her cigarettes. She no sooner lit one than she heard a 
quiet knocking on her bedroom door.
"You okay?"
"Fine, Laura. Just a nightmare."
"You sure?"
"I said I'm fine," Crystal replied testily. She looked at the clock and sighed. 
It was too late to go to a bar and the stores weren't allowed to sell beer after 
midnight. "Sorry to wake you." She reached for her incense and put a fresh stick 
on the holder.
"Um…Crystal?"
"What?"
"If you need to talk…"
"Yeah, thanks but I'm all set. Good night." Now go away and leave me alone.
Laura hesitated for a moment before answering. "Good night then." She returned 
to her room, her mind replaying what she had heard. She opened the sliding glass 
door and within seconds the smell of incense floated through the air. Intending 
to close the door, the writer reached for the handle only to pause and withdraw 
her hand. Doesn't smell that bad, she thought as she sniffed the air again. Like 
cherries. She knew that the incense was covering up the smell of pot but decided 
to let it go for the night. She heard the terror in Crystal's cries and had no 
doubt the young woman was shook up, despite words to the contrary.

Part 2
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L



Laura was not surprised to find no sign of Crystal the next morning. Twice 
during the night she had been awaked by the sound of the toilet flushing, the 
last time being shortly before sunrise. Guess I'll put off vacuuming until 
later, she thought as she headed into the kitchen to make coffee.
While waiting for the coffee to brew, Laura went upstairs and stripped her bed, 
gathering the dirty clothes out of her hamper at the same time. She had the 
laundry sorted and a load started by the time the coffee was ready and drank her 
first cup between trips around the townhouse emptying waste baskets and noting 
which areas needed to be visited by a dust rag.
Crystal ambled down the stairs two hours later, looking very hung over. Dark 
circles rimmed her eyes and her blonde hair hung limply about her face. "Coffee 
smells good," she said.
"Good morning. How are you?" Laura asked from behind her coffee cup.
Crystal walked over to the cupboard and removed the first mug she could reach. 
Accepting the offered pot in her roommate's hand, she waited until the cup was 
full before speaking. "Sorry about last night."
"Um…if you ever need to talk…"
"Nothing to talk about," the stripper shrugged. She picked up the paper and 
nodded in the direction of the deck. "You done with this?"
"Help yourself." Laura watched as her unread newspaper was quickly opened and 
folded upon itself so Crystal could hold it with one hand while she sipped her 
coffee. A cigarette was soon lit, the wind blowing the smoke back into the 
kitchen. The writer frowned and walked over to close the sliding glass door.
"Don't bother, I'll move over here," Crystal said as she moved her clutter over 
to the other side of the table. The change in position caused the smoke to curl 
up the side of the building instead of entering the kitchen. Laura watched as a 
smirk came to the stripper's lips before being hidden by the coffee mug.
"Guilty as charged," she admitted, sitting down in the chair recently vacated by 
the other woman. She took a sip of her coffee before continuing. "I just really 
can't stand the smell of smoke in my house. Bobby has taken up smoking and I 
don't let him do it in there either."
"Who's Bobby, your boyfriend?"
Laura set the coffee cup on the table and smiled. "Um…no. He's my younger 
brother. I don't have a boyfriend. You?" She did not expect an answer and was 
surprised when Crystal shook her head.
"No boyfriends. Men are pigs."
"Well, not all men, Crystal. Peter and Michael are perfect gentlemen."
"Peter and Michael are queer. They don't count."
"I don't know what's so hard about putting the toilet seat down. One time the 
boys were over here and I forgot to check and ended up with a wet bottom." She 
laughed at her own story, hoping to force a smile to the young woman's face. 
Instead Crystal continued to stare into her coffee, her eyes taking on a faraway 
look. The writer felt her stomach rumble and remembered that she hadn't eaten 
yet. "I think I'll make some eggs and toast for breakfast. Would you like some?"
"Naw." Crystal stood abruptly. "I'm about to head out anyway."
"Going out for the day?" Laura secretly hoped that would be the case. She didn't 
want the pot smoking, beer drinking stripper around when her mother showed up.
"Yeah, I'm not into family get-togethers. Have fun."
Laura had just sorted out her newspaper and was about to begin reading when she 
heard the front door slam and a string of expletives fly out of her roommate's 
mouth. "I can't fucking believe that starter went again!" Crystal angrily tossed 
the keys across the room. "I don't care what Rick says, that mechanic friend of 
his doesn't know his ass from a hole in the wall." She pressed her hands against 
the short half-wall separating the kitchen and living room and finally locked 
eyes with Laura. "I guess I'm not going anywhere after all," she sighed.
"Michael is a mechanic. Maybe he can take a look at it for you."
"Fat lot of good that does me today," the stripper grumbled. She had hoped to 
get some beer and replenish her dwindling supply of marijuana. "I'll try to stay 
out of the way."
"You know the cable is hooked up to the TV in your room," Laura said. She was 
glad Crystal didn't hint about borrowing her Jeep. "Um…may I ask a favor of 
you?" The stripper looked at her warily. "Would you mind not smoking pot while 
my brother and mother are here?" She raised her hands to forestall the protest 
she saw forming on the blonde woman's lips. "I know what you do in your room is 
your business but even with the incense, my eighteen year old brother will know 
what you're doing behind closed doors."
The words struck an unintended nerve as Crystal's mind flashed back to hearing 
her sister cry out through the wall separating their bedrooms. "When are people 
showing up?"
"In about four hours."
Plenty of time to get stoned before they get here. "Fine. Where's the nearest 
liquor store?"
"Martin's on Fourth. About three, three and a half miles." She realized 
Crystal's intentions and was secretly pleased that the store was so far away. 
She still wasn't happy with the idea that her family might meet the stripper but 
she knew it would be even worse if alcohol was added to the mix.
Crystal knocked her knuckles on the countertop. "Of course it is. What's the 
temp out there now? Eighty, ninety degrees?" Laura was certain it was closer to 
seventy but she didn't see any point in mentioning it. "I'll be in my room." The 
stripper went upstairs, fishing her cigarettes out of her pocket in the process.
Good. Stay there, Laura thought to herself as she watched the temperamental 
woman climb the stairs. She looked at the clock and groaned. Time to get moving. 

First came the dusting, then the vacuuming. Polishing and window washing was 
next and she Laura was just filling up the mop bucket with hot water when the 
doorbell rang. She opened it to find Jenny standing there, her face hidden by 
the brightly wrapped box in her arms. "The other parts are in the car," she 
huffed as she gratefully handed over her burden.
"You do remember that he drives a compact, not a mini-van."
"These are the ones the man at the store said were right for Bobby's car," Jenny 
protested as she retrieved the rest of the stereo parts from her car.
"You asked the salesman which ones to buy?" Laura asked incredulously. "Jen, you 
know better."
"Don't you start," the brown haired woman warned gently. "Not everything I buy 
has to be approved by Consumer Reports."
"But…" Whoops, Laura thought when she saw the look in Jenny's eyes. "I'm doing 
it again, aren't I?"
"Yup," the therapist agreed.
"It's a good thing I have you around to point out all my little neuroses," she 
said, taking advantage of the empty street to lean down and give Jenny a quick 
kiss. "By the way, Crystal is here."
"Did you warn her about your mother?"
Laura reached into the car and pulled out the last box, bumping the door with 
her hip to close it. "No. She was supposed to be gone all day but her car broke 
down."
"You should before General Patton arrives," Jenny said as they reached the 
threshold.
"My mother is not that bad."
"Not that bad? Laura, do you remember Thanksgiving four years ago? The one and 
only time you brought me to your mother's home?" She held the door open as Laura 
stepped inside.
"I honestly didn't think she'd walk in on us." Laura winced at the memory of her 
mother walking into the kitchen and finding the two of them locked in a 
passionate kiss.
"You know she blames me for corrupting you."
"Of course she does," Laura agreed with a playful grin. "After all, I was just 
an innocent young woman before I met you."
"Somehow that's not quite the way I remember it, Love." Jenny walked over to the 
cupboard and grabbed two glasses. "How long do we have before she gets here?"
"About two hours." Two hours to get this place cleaned up and ready for 
inspection, Laura thought to herself as she opened the refrigerator and 
retrieved the pitcher of ice water. As it did every time her mother came for a 
visit, Laura's nerves were on edge. Her father and both grandfathers had been 
career military and her mother was the perfect officer's wife. There was a 
nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she was missing something…something 
that her mother would be certain to notice. "Does everything look all right?"
"Laura…everything is perfect. The pictures are straight, the dishes are all put 
away, the tablecloth is pressed. Stop worrying."
"I can't help it," she replied, leaning into Jenny's gentle touch on her 
shoulders. "I just want everything to go right. Jen, promise me you won't 
start?"
The hands gently massaging her shoulders paused. "Your mother needs to move into 
the nineties."
Laura turned and slipped her arms around the shorter woman's shoulders. "Jen, 
you gotta understand. Grandpa Matthews was a staunch Republican and my father 
was as conservative as they come. The idea of her only daughter in bed with 
another woman wasn't exactly an easy pill for her to swallow." She gave a small 
smile. Jenny's parents were the most open-minded people she had ever met and it 
was hard for her ex-lover to accept intolerance. "Please?"
"Change is good for the soul, you know," Jenny tried one last time. Laura knew 
she had won and gave the smaller woman a kiss on the forehead.
"Spoken like a true therapist. I'll do my best to keep her away from you." A 
thought occurred to her. "Speaking of therapy…" She walked over and shut the 
sliding glass door, not wanting her voice to carry. "I wanted to talk to you 
about something that happened last night."
"You okay?" Her ex-lover's concern was evident and Laura smiled.
"I'm fine, hon. Crystal had a nightmare last night."
"Did you talk to her about it?"
"I tried but she didn't want to talk."
"If she doesn't want to talk about it, you can't push her, Laura."
"I didn't but maybe you…" She left the thought unfinished but Jenny had no 
problem picking up on it.
"You want me to talk to her? Laur, she doesn't even know me."
"But it's what you do, isn't it?"
"I do one on one and group counseling with survivors of sexual abuse. I don't 
interpret dreams."
"From what I heard, it doesn't take much interpretation." She lowered her voice, 
as if to speak the words out loud was taboo. "She was crying out for her father 
to stop it, whatever 'it' was."
"Oh." Now Jenny understood why Laura brought it up. "How did she sound when she 
talked to you afterwards? Was she scared, angry, numb?"
"She didn't say much, just that she was fine." Laura paused, trying to remember 
more details. "She sounded mad but I think she was really upset."
"It could be a lot of things," Jenny said. "Try talking to her again." She 
looked around the room, seeing everything perfectly organized as usual. "I see 
she hasn't been the roommate from hell down here."
"She stays in her room most of the time." She looked at her watch and her eyes 
widened. "It's getting late. I need you to go find something to do while I get 
this floor mopped." She waited for the usual argument that the floor was clean 
enough but Jenny simply shrugged and carried her glass of ice water into the 
living room. "And don't forget to use a coaster," Laura called out before 
turning on the tap to get add more hot water to the half-full bucket of sudsy 
water.

Crystal's lungs burned as she inhaled deeply before setting the remains of her 
joint on the edge of the ashtray. It was a beautiful day and she had her glass 
door open in favor of letting the warm breeze filter through the screen. On top 
of her dresser, the incense holder released the scent of lavender throughout the 
room. Seeing no reason to meet her roommate's family, she had decided to stay in 
her room and get stoned all day. She heard the faint sound of the doorbell 
followed by the sounds of people trading welcomes and striking up conversation. 
Oh goodie, John Boy and the rest of the Waltons have shown up. She had meant to 
stop smoking before Laura's family arrived but with each puff, her resolve 
faded. She removed a sheet of rolling paper from its package and reached for the 
sandwich bag and her dwindling supply of marijuana.
"I can't believe these are all for me," Bobby said as he looked at the table of 
presents." He stepped past his sister to get a hug from Jenny. "How's my 
favorite sister-in-law?"
"Ex-sister-in-law," she reminded him. "I can't believe how tall you've gotten. I 
remember when you were only up to here on me." Jenny held her hand level with 
her shoulder to demonstrate.
"I grow a lot in a year," he replied. Looking up into the boyish face, Jenny had 
to admit that it was true. More than just height, Bobby had grown in bulk, his 
muscles showing beneath the pressed white shirt. His respectably short blond 
hair was offset by his brown eyebrows, making him look much like a young Robert 
Redford. His face bore little sign of acne although his chin did show a nick 
from shaving. He was no longer the pimply faced fourteen year old that was more 
interested in Nintendo than girls.
"That you have, Tag-a-long," Jenny said affectionately. "Come see the cake your 
sister got for you." Grabbing hold of his elbow, she tugged him into the 
kitchen, leaving Laura alone with her mother.
"You didn't tell me she'd be here," Mrs. Taylor admonished.
"Jenny and I are still friends, Mom," Laura said. "Just because we're not lovers 
anymore…"
"Well now," her mother interrupted, obviously wanting to change the subject. 
"You're going to have to come over and help your brother set up that computer."
"I will, Mom. Does he have a phone jack in his room so he can get online?"
"Online?" Mrs. Taylor frowned. "Now you know I don't understand all that 
computer talk of yours. Yes, he has a phone in his room. With the number of 
girls that call him, it's a wonder I get to use it at all."
"Hey Mom, come see my cake," Bobby called out excitedly. Laura and her mother 
entered the kitchen.
"That looks very nice," Mrs. Taylor said. "Did you get it from Henderson's 
Bakery? Marge Carmichael bought a cake there for her daughter Katherine's coming 
out party. It was beautiful. Of course that was just before Katherine ran away 
with Billy McCormick."
Laura didn't bother to answer her mother's question, knowing that where the cake 
was purchased was immaterial. She nodded knowingly. "Uh huh."
"I saw her at the VFW two weeks ago and she was very quiet when it came to what 
her daughter was up to. If you ask me, I think she's pregnant." Mrs. Taylor 
glanced at Jenny. "But that's what happens when families have loose morals, I 
suppose."
"Or are driven away by their overbearing mothers," Jenny muttered low enough 
that only Bobby could hear. The teenager snorted, drawing a dirty look from 
Jenny and a quizzical one from his mother.
"All you all right?"
"Just swallowed wrong, Mom," he replied, trying very hard to keep the smirk off 
his face.
"You shouldn't gulp. I've told you about that," she admonished, her fingers 
absently brushing over the countertop in search of dust. Noting none, she 
rewarded her daughter with an approving nod. "You see how clean your sister 
keeps her home? I don't understand why you can't keep your room looking as 
respectable."
"I have too much stuff for my room," he explained.
"Your father would never have stood for such a mess," his mother continued. "He 
believed in packing light and keeping only what was important. We never knew 
when he would be shipped off to another base and we would have to move quickly."
"Mom, we haven't moved since I was three," Bobby said. "You still have cowboy 
wallpaper in my closet."
"That's not the point, Bobby. There's just no reason to allow clutter to build 
up."
Laura decided it was time to change the subject. "Mom, have you seen Mrs. 
Reynolds lately?"
"I saw her just last week at the Commissary. Her son was arrested last year for 
burglary, you know." Laura opened her mouth to speak but her mother wouldn't 
stop long enough for her to interrupt. "I tried to get away without her seeing 
me but she has eyes like and eagle, you know. She was all smiles telling me 
about her daughter, Marcia. She married a stock broker and has two girls now."
"Good for her."
"Janice Crenshaw's daughter had a little boy just last week."
"I didn't know Susan got married," Laura said.
"She didn't. She was going with Captain Henry's son but once he found out that 
she was pregnant, he shipped the boy off on a six month training session in 
Saudi Arabia."
"Why did he do that? I always thought Susan was a nice girl."
"If she was a nice girl, she wouldn't be pregnant," Mrs. Taylor pointed out.
"And of course it's not the boy's fault at all, right?" Jenny asked in a biting 
tone. Laura flashed her a warning look but it was too late. Mrs. Taylor seized 
the opportunity to step up on her proverbial soap box and give her sermon.
"There was a time when a young woman prided herself on being able to keep her 
virginity until marriage."
"Mom…" Laura tried but her mother refused to be silenced.
"No Laura. It's time someone stood up for decency." She said. "These young girls 
now days think nothing of hopping from bed to bed and if they get pregnant, so 
what? You and your feminist friends have put abortion clinics on every corner."
"Would those be the same feminist friends who made it possible for women to own 
property and vote?" Jenny ignored the warning look she was getting from Laura 
and continued. "To hold office?"
Laura hooked her arm around Bobby's and gave it a tug. "Come on, bro. Let's go 
see how generous I was with the dead presidents in your graduation card."
"Ah, money. The gift that always fits," he said with a smile.
"Now wait a minute," his mother said. "You have to open my present up first or 
your sister's gifts won't make any sense." Mrs. Taylor ignored Jenny's comment 
in favor of watching her son open his gifts. "And Laura I hope you didn't spoil 
him by giving him too much money."

The laughter and voices carried upstairs, much to Crystal's annoyance. She had 
given up on the television and the radio stations were also a disappointment to 
her. The pot had made her tired but she didn't want to waste the whole day 
sleeping. No, it's better to sit here locking in my room getting stoned, she 
thought as she reached for her pipe and lighter. The sound of someone coming up 
the stairs made her change her mind and put her paraphernalia away. The door to 
Laura's room opened and closed, followed a few seconds later by the sound of the 
sliding door opening. A brown haired woman stepped onto the balcony and leaned 
her arms against the rail. A bright, beautiful day, Crystal had left her 
vertical blinds pulled back, allowing her a clear view of the outside. Of course 
it also meant that anyone on the balcony could look in and see her. Damn, why 
didn't I think of that, the stripper mentally cursed. It was too late to do 
anything about it and much to her dismay the woman turned and spotted her. 
"Hello there."
"Hi," Crystal replied.
"I'm Jenny, one of Laura's friends."
"Crystal. I'm her roommate."
"Yes, she mentioned you." The therapists face was warm and friendly and the 
stripper found herself leaving the sluggish comfort of her bed and stepping out 
onto the balcony.
"Sounds like everyone is having a good time," Crystal said as she leaned her hip 
against the rail.
"I needed a break from her mother," Jenny said. "So Laura said you were 
a…dancer, was it?"
"Um…yeah." She reached in her shirt pocket and pulled out her cigarettes and 
lighter. "Are you a writer like she is?"
Jenny chuckled. "I'm afraid that kind of creativity is beyond me. Laura's the 
one with the vivid imagination. I'm a therapist."
"A shrink?"
"Well, not quite." She thought about what Laura had told her about Crystal's 
nightmare. "I work with survivors of rape and sexual abuse."
Crystal turned away, looking out at the ridge of trees separating the complex 
from the lake. "You mean you make them talk about what happened to them?"
"I don't make them do anything. I let them talk about what they need to talk 
about." With Crystal's head tilted, the blonde hair kept Jenny from seeing her 
face. "Sometimes people just need a place where they can go and know that's it's 
safe to tell the truth about what happened to them."
"Yeah? And what good does that do for them? It doesn't take away what happened."
"No, it doesn't take away what happened," Jenny said evenly. "But in many cases 
talking about what happened and learning to deal with the emotions surrounding 
it makes the difference between living and just existing."
Crystal threw her cigarette over the rail and reached for her door handle. 
"Sometimes it's better just to exist, Doc," she said before crossing the 
threshold into her room. She went to shut the door but found it stopped halfway 
by Jenny's hand.
"Existing is the easy way out," the therapist said. "It takes courage to move 
past what happened and regain control."
"Not everyone needs therapy to get over it," Crystal growled.
"Maybe not, but it helps." Jenny released her grip on the door and took a step 
back. "You know you're welcome to come downstairs and join us."
"I'm not into family things. Nice meeting you." Crystal shut the door and 
reached for the cord that controlled the blinds. Seconds later she heard Jenny 
pass through Laura's room and go down the stairs. What fucking good is therapy? 
It's not gonna change what happened. She flopped down on her bed and opened the 
nightstand drawer. She remembered Laura's request for her not to smoke pot while 
people were there. Sighing, she shut the drawer and punched her pillow. What a 
waste of a good Saturday afternoon. Locked in my own fucking room. Memories of 
childhood Saturdays spent that same way replayed themselves in her mind. Closing 
her eyes, Crystal thought back to a time when she and Patty would spend hours 
together, playing games or just chatting about nothing like sisters do. 
Inevitably, however, the happy scenes would always be shattered by their 
father's drunken rampages.
"Two hundred dollars, I own all four railroads," Patty said, holding out her 
hand.
"Can I pay you when I pass Go? Otherwise I have to mortgage Atlantic."
"I'll tell you what. I'll let you wait until you pass Go to pay me but if I hit 
Boardwalk, I get to wait until I pass Go too."
"Deal," Crystal happily agreed. "Maybe we can play something else afterwards?"
"I don't think there'll be time. He'll be home soon."
"Can we go for a bike ride?" the younger sister asked hopefully. Her body still 
bore bruises from her father's last rampage. Too late, they both realized when 
they heard the sputtering sound of his car pulling into the driveway.
"So much for our game," Patty said as she pulled the box onto the bed and 
started tossing in games pieces and cards. Games weren't just won and lost in 
their house. There was also a 'him' rule. When a game was interrupted due to 
'him', it was declared a tie, no matter who the apparent winner was.
"When was the last time one of us won a game?" Crystal asked.
"I'm not sure but I know I'm the one who won," Patty grinned as she left 
Crystal's room and darted into her own. Seconds later their father entered the 
house, his loud voice easily carrying up to them.
"I've had it with you two!" he roared. Crystal jumped at the sound of a kitchen 
chair being thrown. "How many times do I have to tell you two to keep your 
fucking bikes out of the driveway?" Curling up into a ball, Crystal cowered in 
terror as she heard him coming up the stairs, his heavy footsteps coming closer 
and closer…
Crystal sat up with a start, frantically looking around for the violent man she 
was certain was coming to beat her. Damn daydreams. She lit a cigarette and 
leaned back against the headboard. Can you make the nightmares go away, Doc?
**********************
Laura stood in the doorway until she saw the lights of her brother's car come on 
and the vehicle back out of its parking spot. "That went well," she said as she 
closed the door.
"Now I remember why I was studying all those nights you wanted to go visit your 
mother," Jenny said as she picked up an empty cup and headed for the kitchen. 
"There is a definite advantage to having her live two towns away."
"If only I was still going to school then," Laura joked back. "If I hear one 
more time how Captain So-and-so is having an affair with a twenty year old or 
how Mrs. Goldstein likes her tea with a shot of blackberry brandy, I'm going to 
seriously consider matricide."
Jenny laughed and opened the dishwasher. "Well, let's see if we can come up with 
a more suitable outlet for your aggravation than a capital crime. Hand me the 
plates, please."
"Sure. Oh, here's a cup and spoon." Laura handed over the dishes, then leaned 
against the counter.
"So how's the book coming along?" Jenny set the timer on the dishwasher and 
followed her ex-lover into the living room.
"I think I've written about four sentences since the last time you asked me," 
Laura sighed as she sat on the couch. "I don't know what's wrong. I've never had 
writer's block this bad."
Jenny put her hand on Laura's thigh. "Maybe you're trying too hard. Take a 
break, give it a few days, then go back and look at it."
"I tried that, Jen. It didn't work." She ran her fingers through her dark hair. 
"Sometimes I think I don't have an ounce of creative energy left in me."
"Do you want me to take a look at it?"
"No," Laura said. "Thanks though. I'll figure something out." She heard a sound 
and turned to see Crystal coming down the stairs. "Hello." A subtle nudge caused 
Jenny to pull her hand back.
"Hi." The blonde woman looked from Laura to Jenny and back again. "I thought 
everyone left. I didn't realize you still had company." She turned back toward 
the stairs.
"General Patton and Bobby left a few minutes ago," Jenny said, standing up and 
crossing over to where Crystal was standing. "We're just chatting. Why don't you 
join us?"
"Well, I…"
Laura gestured at the empty chair. "Have a seat. You have to be tired of being 
cooped up in that room all day."
Crystal hesitated, then nodded and moved over to the indicated seat. How bad 
could it be? I can be sociable for a few minutes. "So did your brother enjoy his 
party?"
"Yes, very much so."
"Do you have any brothers or sisters, Crystal?" Jenny asked after settling back 
down on the couch.
"I have an older sister."
"I'm an only child," the brown haired woman replied. "I always thought it would 
be great to have a sister."
"Me too," Laura agreed. "I love Bobby dearly but when I was sixteen, dragging my 
six year old brother with me to the mall was a real drag."
"Are you two close in age?"
"Three and a half years."
"Oh, that's nice," Jenny said. "So you two grew up together."
"Yeah," Crystal said quietly, her thoughts going to her beloved sister.
"So are you the big sister or is she?"
"Patty is older."
Jenny noticed the solemn expression on the blonde woman's face. "Does she live 
near here?"
Crystal shook her head. "No. She moved away a long time ago. We lost touch." She 
reached into her shirt pocket for her cigarettes, then remembered Laura's rule 
and settled for grabbing a carrot stick from the veggie platter within reach.
"I can't imagine losing touch with Bobby," Laura said. "Did you two have a fight 
or something?"
"She ran away when I was fourteen. I haven't seen or heard from her since." The 
emotions were building and Crystal felt the tightening in her throat. "Which way 
did you say the liquor store was?" she asked Laura.
"Go to the main road and take a right."
"Actually," Jenny said as she stood up, "I have to get going and I'm headed in 
that direction anyway. Do you need a ride?"
"I thought you were staying here tonight," Laura said with a question in her 
voice.
"I'm sorry, hon. I forgot I have to meet a client up in Manning first thing 
tomorrow morning. Her rapist is up for parole and she wants moral support when 
she speaks before the review board." She stood up and collected her purse. Laura 
rose as well.
"All right. I'll give you a call next week."
"Okay."
****************
Once outside, Crystal lit a cigarette, the gray smoke forming a cloud near her 
face.
"Those are bad for you, you know."
"So I've heard," she replied, taking another long drag. "I suppose you don't 
allow smoking in your car either?"
"It's actually a loaner car while mine is in the shop but I've always found that 
the ashtray makes a great place to throw spare change."
"Figures," Crystal muttered, drawing as much smoke in as she could before 
tossing the butt away. "Are you a health nut like Laura?"
Jenny laughed and unlocked the doors to the car. "I'm not as bad as she is. I 
can enjoy a good burger and fries." They climbed in and with a turn of the key, 
the engine roared to life. She reversed the car out of its space, then guided it 
down the turning drive that lead to the main road. "So are you from around 
here?"
"Milton," Crystal replied. "About an hour up the turnpike."
"I know where it is. Big factory town."
"Big nothing town, you mean," the blonde woman said bitterly. "Milton is a 
nothing town filled nothing people."
"Your family still back there?"
"Wouldn't know, I haven't talked to them since I moved out."
Jenny nodded, her eyes never leaving the road. "How old were you when you ran 
away?"
Crystal's heart skipped a beat. "You a psychic or something, Doc?"
"I told you I'm a therapist." She slowed the car down as they approached a 
traffic light. "I'm perceptive. It's a necessary skill when dealing with people 
who aren't always forthcoming with their feelings."
"Yeah? So what else does your great perception tell you about me?" She crossed 
her arms defensively.
Jenny looked at her, then back at the road as the traffic started moving again. 
"Your answer tells me that I was right about you running away."
"Just as soon as I could," Crystal said. "A little more than a year after Patty 
did."
"At the house you said that she ran away when you were fourteen. You ran away 
when you were fifteen?"
"There's that perception of yours again." She looked out the window, dimly 
noting the liquor store sign approaching in the distance. "I tried to run away 
with her but I got caught. I tried three more times before I succeeded."
"It must have been pretty bad for you to try so hard to get away."
"Is this the point where you tell me all my problems are because of my fucked up 
childhood?" She pointed at the liquor store. "I don't need therapy to know 
that." Crystal opened the door before the car had come to a complete stop. 
"Thanks for the ride, Doc." She stepped out and shut the door, not giving Jenny 
a chance to respond.

*****************
The streets were deserted save for the occasional car, giving Crystal the 
freedom to drink from the bottle as she walked. By the time the complex came 
into view, her gait had a decidedly drunken sway to it and a third of the 
bottle's contents were gone. It was only as she approached the building that 
Crystal realized she had not taken her keys with her when she left. Fuck. Miss 
Tight-Ass will give me a lecture for sure. She brought the bottle to her lips 
and took a large swallow, wincing as the burning liquid made its way down her 
throat. She used her sleeve to wipe her mouth before reaching for the doorbell. 
Her head was pounding from the whiskey and all she wanted to do was lie down. 
"Dammit, open the fucking door, Laura." She hit the doorbell again, following it 
quickly by pounding her fist against the door. Sweat formed on her upper lip and 
Crystal leaned her forehead against the frame. She hadn't eaten anything more 
than a couple of carrot sticks all day and her body was quickly telling her that 
she had exceeded its limits. "Oh fuck," she whispered, feeling her stomach roil 
again. She pressed the doorbell repeatedly until she heard Laura unlocking the 
door. "Move!" Pushing the puzzled woman out of her way, Crystal staggered to the 
bathroom, barely lifting the toilet seat before her stomach made its final 
rebellion.
Laura closed the outside door and shook her head as she heard her roommate 
vomiting into the toilet. "Crystal? All you all right?" She received a retching 
sound in reply and groaned inwardly. I see you found the liquor store. "There 
are washcloths in the linen closet."
"Gak…o-okay."
Laura went into the kitchen and filled a glass with water. She heard the toilet 
flush followed by the sound of the faucet being turned on. Minutes later a more 
composed Crystal exited the bathroom. "Thanks," she said, taking the offered 
glass.
"Feel better?"
Crystal nodded. "A bit."
"You should eat something. It'll settle your stomach."
The blonde woman thought about the three microwavable dinners sitting the 
freezer and shook her head. "Naw, I'll be fine."
"Suit yourself." Laura opened the refrigerator and peered in. "I have a batch of 
leftovers from the party. Nothing much, batch of sandwiches and the rest of the 
veggie platter." She grabbed the plate of sandwiches and held it up for Crystal 
to see. "There's egg salad, ham and cheese…" She looked quizzically at one of 
the neatly cut triangles. "Um…your guess is as good as mine." She handed the 
plate to Crystal. "Help yourself. Other than the egg salad, I don't eat any of 
it." After getting a bowl of tossed salad for herself, Laura grabbed a bottle of 
dressing and used her hip to close the refrigerator door. She nodded in the 
direction of the living room. Reluctantly the blonde woman followed her out of 
the kitchen.
Laura settled on the couch while Crystal took the recliner. An awkward silence 
formed as neither was certain what to say to the other. Crystal took a bite of 
her sandwich.
"How is it?" Laura asked.
"Good." She took another bite, her stomach appreciating something healthy for a 
change. Realizing that she couldn't just eat her roommate's food and disappear 
back upstairs, Crystal resigned herself to being at least somewhat sociable. "So 
your mother and brother showed up, where's your father?"
"He died seven years ago." Sensing the opening allowed by the question, Laura 
tucked her right foot up under her left thigh and took a sip from her glass. 
"What about you? You said you have an older sister. What about your folks?"
Crystal took another bite of her sandwich and shrugged. "Last I knew they were 
both alive and living up in Curtisville."
"You don't talk to them?"
"No." She picked through the sandwich triangles on the plate before settling on 
what looked like chicken salad. "I haven't spoken to them since the day I left." 
She took a bite and grimaced. "Ugh, what is this?"
"Isn't that the one I said I had no clue?"
"Must be." The stripper looked around and spotted the paper bag sitting on the 
counter. The buzz was starting to wear off. Well if you want to chat, I'm gonna 
drink. She stood up and went out to the kitchen, returning moments later with a 
rock glass filled with ice, a bottle of cola, and her whiskey. She was just 
sitting down when Laura decided to resume the earlier conversation.
"So why aren't you in contact with them?"
While not unexpected, the question did cause Crystal to hesitate and look over 
at her roommate. "It's a long story."
"I'm a good listener."
Silence reigned as Crystal waged an internal war. Don't tell. The words echoed 
over and over in her mind. No one will believe it anyway. "Let's just say it 
wasn't a happy time in my life." She reached down and picked up the glass and 
whiskey, pouring until the amber liquid filled more than half the glass. She 
added just enough soda to change the color of the drink, then settled back in 
the recliner.
"Is that what the nightmares are about?"
Crystal swallowed, wincing as the burning liquor made its way down her throat. 
"You want the Reader's Digest version?" Her voice was tinged with anger. "My 
father is an asshole and my mother is a spineless coward who cares more about 
what the neighbors think than about her kids." The glass made its way to her 
lips again.
"Is that why your sister ran away?"
"You think of a better reason?" Normally Crystal would have ended the 
conversation by now but the alcohol was doing a good job of keeping the defenses 
down. "I took off a year later."
Laura's brow furrowed as she did the mental math. "You said earlier you were 
fourteen when she left. You were only fifteen when you ran away?"
"Fifteen and a half, actually. Not the best age to be out on the streets but 
what the hell. It was better than being with them," she said bitterly, her gaze 
focused on the coffee table.
"There wasn't anyone you could turn to? An aunt, a teacher?"
Crystal snorted and drained her drink. "Once Patty told a teacher what was 
happening. She called our mother." Her face turned hard and she reached for the 
whiskey bottle. "Guess who she told?"
"Your father?"
The stripper nodded. "He beat Patty senseless. You think I was ever stupid 
enough to tell someone else?" She shook her head and made another drink. 
Somewhere in Crystal's drunken mind it registered that she was doing exactly 
that. She was telling her roommate, a woman she barely knew, that her father 
used to beat her. This time she didn't bother with the cola, drinking the 
whiskey straight. "I bet the characters in your stories never have such sordid 
pasts, eh?"
"Um, no…not usually."
"Of course not." The liquid sloshed around in her glass as she gestured with her 
hands. "This is normal to you. A nice home, a reliable car, a family that loves 
you…I never had that." The urge for a cigarette was growing as was her desire 
for a strong hit of pot. She tugged lightly on her shirt. "I think I'm gonna go 
change and relax on the balcony."
"I guess it is kind of warm tonight. I'm sure you're due for a cigarette too." 
Laura stood up and reached for Crystal's glass. "I'll get us both fresh ice and 
meet you up there."
Meet me? Damn. There was no good excuse for refusing Laura's company and she did 
say she was going out on the balcony. "Uh, yeah…sounds good." She picked up the 
whiskey bottle and headed for the stairs, determined to get a hit in before her 
roommate joined her outside.
************
Crystal was pulling on her shorts when she heard Laura coming up the stairs. 
Damn, you're quick, she thought as she zipped up and walked over to the 
nightstand. Opening the drawer, she pulled out a small flat wooden pipe and one 
of her many lighters. She took two quick puffs before putting it back and 
closing the drawer. Grabbing her bottle, cigarettes, and ashtray, she stepped 
out onto the balcony seconds before Laura.
"Oh good," Laura said when she saw the ashtray. "I wasn't sure you had one, 
especially when I saw all the butts on the grass."
"I usually don't think to bring it out here with me." Crystal flopped down on 
the white plastic chair and reached for the glass Laura had brought up for her. 
"Figured you'd have a fit if I tossed one over the rail."
"You figured correctly," the dark haired woman replied. "It took me a good 
fifteen minutes to pick all those up this morning."
"Fine, I won't toss them anymore." She lit a cigarette and reached for her 
bottle.
"Are you working tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I've taken more nights off lately than I can afford as it is." Crystal 
looked out at the shadowed outlines of the trees as dusk settled. "You ever hear 
the owl?"
"Oh, you mean George? Yeah, I hear him at night sometimes when I'm up late 
writing." Laura looked out as well, as if she could spot the elusive bird hiding 
between the leaves.
"There used to be an owl that lived in the trees near the trailer park," the 
blonde woman said, taking a drink between sentences. "At night sometimes I'd 
hear him. I used to lie awake wondering who he was looking for."
"The love of his life, I would imagine," Laura said. "Isn't that what we're all 
looking for?"
"I'd rather have money," Crystal said, her eyebrows raising when she heard her 
companion laugh. "What?"
"You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?"
"I don't believe in fairy tales." She brought the glass to her lips, finding 
comfort in the familiar smell of whiskey. "Life ain't the Brady Bunch."
"No, it's not," Laura agreed. "But it isn't Oliver Twist, either. Life is what 
you make of it."
"More like what it makes of you," the stripper replied sourly, drawing hard on 
her cigarette.
"The great thing about being an adult is the freedom to make choices," Laura 
said, glancing over to see Crystal drain her glass and reach for the dwindling 
supply of whiskey. "When I was in college my folks expected me to end up being a 
teacher. I was miserable studying all the time when all I wanted to do was write 
stories."
"So you have a degree?"
Laura nodded. "I've never used it. I doubt I could even get State certification 
at this point without going back for more credits."
"At least you have something to fall back on." She stubbed the cigarette out and 
took a sip of her drink.
"Well, you have a skill, Crystal. You're fit, you can dance." The brief image of 
her roommate at the Tom Cat Club, half-naked and slithering around the center 
pole, flashed through Laura's mind. "I think they're looking for an aerobics 
instructor over at Mary's House of Fitness." It was hard to make out the quiet 
woman's features in the fading daylight but the clenched jaw and white-knuckled 
grip on the glass were still evident. "Crystal? Is something wrong?"
"I'm not into aerobics."
"You don't have to be…" Laura stopped at the dismissive wave of Crystal's hand.
"I'm not exactly what they're looking for," she said angrily. "Forget it, Laura. 
You wouldn't understand." The glass was once again drained and a cigarette lit.
"But…"
"I'm not a dancer!" Her feet, which had been resting on the rail, came down 
angrily on the wooden boards of the deck. The sudden movement caused some of the 
whiskey to splash out of the glass but Crystal paid no attention. She turned to 
face the writer. "I'm a stripper, Laura. I take my clothes off for money!" She 
leaned forward, her features hard. "I'm barely a step above a whore."
"I know," Laura said calmly. "I mean, I know you're a stripper." Crystal blinked 
in surprise, some of the anger diffusing. The dark haired woman continued. "One 
of the characters in my newest story has an affair with a stripper and I went to 
the Tom Cat Club once to do research." She shrugged at the questioning look. "I 
figured you'd tell me when you were ready." Do I tell her now? "Um…you aren't 
the only keeping secrets."
"No biggie. Your life is none of my business."
"Maybe not, but if you're going to continue living here, you should know at 
least this part." Laura took a deep breath. As many years as she'd been open 
about her life, there was still always that little quiver of fear that she would 
be rejected. "Jenny wasn't just my roommate when she lived here. We were 
lovers."
"You're a dyke?"
"I'm a lesbian," Laura bristled. "Jenny and I were lovers for almost two years."
"Oh," Crystal said quietly, unsure of what to say. "I wouldn't have guessed. I 
mean, neither of you look like…"
"Like a dyke?" the writer finished. "Here's a news flash, Miss Sheridan, not 
every gay person is obvious about it."
"I didn't mean," Crystal started, then stopped when she realized that was 
exactly what she meant. "I guess I never really thought about it." A bit 
subdued, she sat back in her seat and stared at the silhouetted tree line.
The seconds stretched into awkward minutes, neither sure what to say to the 
other. Finally Laura couldn't take the silence any longer. "Nice night." Crystal 
grunted in response, forcing the writer to try again. "Bet the stars will be 
pretty."
"Stars are boring."
"So you do remember how to talk. I thought I stunned you into silence," Laura 
teased, earning a sidelong glance.
"I've met a few lesbians before," Crystal said, turning her gaze back to the 
half-empty glass. "My friend has a cousin that's one." She paused, then 
shrugged. "Doesn't bother me."
"Good." Laura tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "I'd hate to think 
something like that would get in the way of our living together." She chuckled 
to herself. "After all, there's enough other things."
"Such as?" Now Crystal's attention was more on the conversation than her drink. 
The glass which seemed permanently attached to her hand was set down on the 
table.
"Nothing."
"You wouldn't have said it if there wasn't something behind it." The blonde 
woman leaned towards her. "What? Is there something I do that annoys you? Other 
than the pot, that is?"
Laura hesitated before answering. "What possessed you to buy a clear shower 
curtain?"
"It's better than that blue flowery thing you had up," Crystal defended. "The 
clear one lets in more light."
Laura decided to take a chance and tease the younger woman. "You need to see 
what you're doing in the shower? Don't you know where everything is by now?"
"Screw you," the stripper said playfully, her smile growing. "You need a whole 
shelf just for your shampoo, conditioner, finishing rinse and God knows what 
else you have in those bottles." She reached absently for her glass. "How many 
hours do you spend in there?" She took a sip of her drink. "I get in there, do 
what I have to do and get out. No mess, no fuss." She reached for her cigarettes 
only to be stopped by the high pitched beeping of her pager. Holding it up in 
front of her, Crystal pressed the light button and looked at the number on the 
display. "Shit. I gotta use the phone."
"Help yourself. After all, you pay half the bill for it." Laura jerked her thumb 
at the door to her room. "There's a phone next to the bed."
"Thanks."
Laura leaned back and finished her iced tea, quietly listening to snippets of 
Crystal's phone conversation. She figured out that it was the Tom Cat Club 
looking for the blonde woman to come in and work. Crystal swore profusely and 
yelled at the person on the other end of the phone but in the end told them 
she'd be there as soon as she could. She hung the phone up and returned to the 
balcony.
"I have to go to work. Charice twisted her ankle. Where do you keep the phone 
book?"
Laura rose to her feet. "I'll give you a ride if you'd like."
"Naw, you don't have to do that. I'll just call a cab."
'Really, it's not a problem. I need to get some milk in here for coffee tomorrow 
anyway. I'll just stop at the Money Slasher over on Fourteenth."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Let me go put some long pants on and I'll be right with you."
***************
After unlocking the passenger door, Laura crossed over to her side and stepped 
into her late model Jeep. She fastened her seat belt and looked pointedly at her 
passenger, who rolled her eyes and reached for her seat belt.
"Do you need a ride home when you're done?" she inquired while starting the 
engine.
"Naw, I'll get Rick or one of the girls to drive me home. No biggie."
"All right." She backed the vehicle up and pulled out onto the main road.
"Nice car," Crystal commented, looking at the brightly lit dials and buttons of 
the dashboard. "You have a CD player?"
"Yes." Without looking, Laura reached behind the passenger seat and retrieved a 
case full of discs. "I doubt there's anything in there that you like."
Crystal took the case and looked at the titles, the smirk on her face growing. 
"Paul McCartney's greatest hits? Little River Band? Captain and Tennille? What, 
are you stuck in the seventies?"
"Seventies and eighties, actually. I like that music."
Crystal closed the case and put it in the back. "You don't have to worry about 
me borrowing any of your CD's, that's for sure."
"Let me guess. You're into heavy metal."
"When the mood strikes me. Most of the time I listen to rock."
"I prefer songs that I can understand the lyrics to, not super loud drums and 
guitars." Laura guided the Jeep onto the highway and picked up speed. "What time 
do you finish?"
"Last show is midnight. I usually get out of there around two or so but like I 
said, don't worry about it. I'll get a ride from someone." She pulled a 
cigarette out of her pack and rolled the window down.
"I don't allow smoking in my car."
"Even with the window down? It'll draw out all the smoke."
"It doesn't draw all of it out."
"Fine," Crystal huffed, jamming the cigarette back into the pack. "I suppose 
finding a decent station on the radio is also out of the question?"
Smiling in the dark, Laura turned on the directional signal and pulled into the 
passing lane. "As long as you can find one that doesn't threaten to blow my 
speakers."
The radio stayed off.
******************
"I can't believe the crowd out there tonight. You'd think it was a Saturday or 
somethin'."
"Can't really complain, Monica. More customers means more tips." Crystal watched 
her reflection in the mirror as she adjusted the bust of her outfit. "Damn, 
either I'm gaining weight or these costumes are getting smaller."
"There isn't that much material to start with," the other woman replied. "Why 
don't you wear the leopard outfit?"
"Ugh, I hate that outfit. You ever wear it?"
"Well it's better than that thing." The redheaded stripper pointed at a black 
leather outfit hanging on the rack.
"I'd rather wear that than the leopard outfit." Turning away from the mirror, 
Crystal picked up her elbow length gloves and began slipping them on. "I hope 
they're not letting Charlie do the music tonight."
"Oh, tell me about it, girlfriend. He did it last night and couldn't get two 
songs in a row right. Angel and I were ready to kill him."
"Why do they let a loser like that run the booth when Mike's not working?"
"Because he's cheap, Crys. And as long as Rick runs the place, we're going to 
continue getting jerks like that."
"Tell me about it," Crystal agreed. "He told me to take my car to that pervert 
buddy of his and the damn thing died on me." She lit a cigarette and leaned 
against the makeup table. "I swear if I didn't need this job…"
"Well I'm not here for the fun of it either, Crys. Got an extra one of those?" 
Monica asked, pointing at the cigarette. "Thanks. I meant to stop on the way 
over here but I ended up running late."
"No prob."
"Anyway," the redhead paused long enough to exhale a lungful of smoke. "I'm 
looking around. I can't keep doing this night after night. Don't say anything to 
Rick, though. I don't want anyone to know until I'm sure I have this other job 
lined up."
"Another job doing what?"
"There's an entry level job at the office where my cousin works. It's not much, 
filing and answering the phone but it's better than this." Monica took another 
puff. "Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger and Mister Right hasn't come 
through that door yet."
"The only thing that comes through that door is horny old men and obnoxious 
punks thinking they're God's gift to women," Crystal replied before turning back 
to the mirror and picking up the brush to reign in an errant lock of hair. "If 
it wasn't for the money none of us would be here. This job sucks." A hard 
pounding at the door ended their conversation.
"Let's go ladies." Rick's authoritative voice boomed through the closed door. 
"Two minutes."
Running the brush through her hair one last time, Crystal made a final check in 
the mirror before turning to face Monica.
"You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," she replied, surprised by the tired reflection 
staring back at her. How much longer can I keep doing this? she asked herself. 
As long as men are willing to pay to see it, the reflection silently answered. 
"Maybe not," she mumbled.
"What?" Monica asked.
"Nothing. Let's go give the boys their thrills." She opened the door to face a 
fuming Rick, who ushered them quickly to the stage.
******************
Crystal was walking around her room, picking up her dirty clothes and stuffing 
them into the laundry bag. With most of her belongings destroyed in the fire, 
the need to do laundry came often. She went downstairs to find a basket of 
Laura's clothes sitting on top of the washer. Hmm, must have done it last night. 
Moving the basket to the top of the dryer, she opened the lid and began stuffing 
her wadded up clothes into the washer. A healthy splash of detergent and a twist 
of the dial and the washer hummed to life. After getting the newspaper from the 
front step she made herself a cup of coffee and went to the deck to wait for the 
laundry to be ready to be transferred to the dryer.
A few minutes later Laura came downstairs. "Crystal, didn't you see my clothes 
on top of the washer?"
"The clean ones?" She set the paper down. "Of course. I set them on top of the 
dryer."
"They aren't clean," the writer corrected. "I was going to take a shower before 
starting the laundry."
"What do you mean?" Confused, Crystal rose and walked over to the laundry area. 
"They're all folded."
"I always fold my clothes."
"You fold your dirty laundry?" She shook her head with disbelief. "I should have 
known. If anyone would fold their dirty laundry, you would. I'm surprised you 
don't iron it too."
"Only when I'm in the mood," Laura teased, reaching for a coffee cup. "If you 
see a basket of laundry on top of the washer, it's dirty. Just for future 
reference."
"Fine. Even if it looks clean, it's dirty." She turned and noticed Laura's 
outfit, a light blue baseball jersey and white pants with a matching blue 
stripe. Looking down, she saw the matching blue and white stirrup style socks. 
"What are you dressed like that for?"
"I'm on a softball team. Jenny's going to be stopping by in a few minutes to 
pick me up."
"You play softball? Somehow I can't picture you getting all dirty and sliding 
around the bases."
"I usually don't slide and yes, I play softball. Our team is called Ameilia's 
Airhearts. We're sponsored by Ameilia's Pub and she thought this was a good play 
on words. It's fun and it's a great way to get together with my friends." Laura 
poured herself a cup of coffee. "Do you play any sports?"
Crystal laughed. "I haven't played ball since I was a little kid and I knew then 
that I sucked."
"Ah, you just need practice. If you aren't doing anything today, you're welcome 
to come along."
"Thanks but no thanks. Getting hot and sweaty knocking a ball around isn't my 
idea of a good time."
Laura shrugged. "Suit yourself. Did you get the paper this morning?"
"Yeah, it's out on the deck."
"In how many pieces?"
"Hardy har har," Crystal said. "Go drink your coffee. I'm gonna go take a 
shower."
"If the wash finishes, I'll put it in the dryer for you."
*******************
Crystal came downstairs after taking her shower to find that Jenny had arrived, 
dressed in the same uniform as Laura. "Oh, hi Crystal," the therapist said with 
a smile. "How are you?"
"Fine."
"Hey Jen, we'd better get going," Laura said, picking up her cleats and glove.
"You want to come along?" Jenny offered to Crystal. "We're playing against the 
team from The Falcon."
"Naw."
"Come on, it'll be fun," she offered again. "You can watch Babe Ruth over here 
knock the ball over the fence a dozen times." She jerked her thumb in the 
direction of the now embarrassed Laura.
"No, really, I…"
"What are you doing today that's more fun than hanging out with a bunch of fun 
loving people and getting some fresh air?" Crystal fidgeted and looked in the 
direction of the washer. Jenny followed her gaze and shook her head. "Nope. 
Doing laundry isn't good enough." She reached over and tugged on the blonde 
woman's elbow. "Let's go."
Crystal stopped short when she saw Jenny's vehicle. "What the hell is that?"
"It's a Thing."
"What?" She walked closer to the pumpkin orange classic. "It looks like German 
army Jeep with the top down."
"It's a Thing. Well, that's what it ended up being called. Technically it's a 
Volkswagen One-Eighty-One." Jenny walked up proudly to her car and opened the 
back door. "This one is a seventy-four. The seventy-threes are the hardest to 
find but this one works with unleaded gas."
"Must be a bitch to get parts for," Crystal said, still giving dubious looks at 
the Thing. She shot a look at Laura when she saw the smirk directed at her.
"It's a perfectly safe car," Jenny said, walking over to the driver's side.
"Except when you get in one of your moods," Laura said, hopping into the 
passenger seat, directly in front of Crystal. She turned in her seat to look at 
her roommate. "She's been known to confuse the Thing with a racecar from time to 
time."
"Bite me," Jenny said tartly, sliding into the driver's seat and putting her key 
in the ignition. "I'm not the one with six points on her license." She placed a 
hard plastic hairband on to keep the wind from whipping her hair about and put 
the Thing in reverse. The clutch slipped twice before engaging, causing the car 
to lurch and buck. "Sorry about that."
"No problem," Crystal assured, looking around for the seat belt. She had to dig 
between the seat and back to find the two ends but when she did she put it on 
and quickly tightened it into position. Laura saw what she was doing and 
smirked. 
"Yeah, no problem."
"You know you two can walk if you don't like the way I drive." She paused long 
enough to glance at the oncoming traffic before darting out and into the lane. 
"Ah, I knew Betsy would be fine once she had her oil changed."
"Betsy is what she calls the great pumpkin," Laura explained. "I always called 
it a piece of…"
"Don't say it," Jenny warned, turning on the AM radio and finding an oldies 
station. "You know how temperamental she is."
"Everything has a personality with her," Laura explained.
"Speaking of personalities," the therapist said, "don't be surprised if Donna 
and Wendy are all over each other. Kelly said she saw them at Ameilia's Tuesday 
night and they were acting like they were back together."
"Wonderful. That means Toni is going to be bitchy."
"Maybe not. Kelly said Toni was trying to get back with Linda."
"Like Linda would take her back after what happened."
"Hey, you never know, Laura. She took Toni back once before."
From the back seat, Crystal listened to the gossip, the multitude of names and 
who was doing what to whom mixing in her mind until she had no clue what was 
going on. All she figured out from the conversation was that Laura was good with 
a bat and played right field while Jenny was the first baseman.
They pulled into a dirt parking lot, Jenny beeping the horn and waving at her 
teammates that were gathered around the bleachers. Minutes later Crystal was 
settled on the bleacher near first base, Jenny's cooler sitting next to her. To 
the stripper's disappointment, Jenny had only packed various kinds of sodas and 
juices to drink, no beer or wine coolers. Several women were also sitting on the 
bleachers, most talking amongst themselves about one or more of the players. 
Crystal saw the opposing team along the third base line, the Falcon's jerseys 
red in contrast to the Airheart's blue. The umpire blew her whistle and the blue 
team took the field while the red team began swinging bats to warm up. "Wish us 
luck," Laura said as she jogged past her.
"Oh, so you know Laura, hmm?" a husky voice asked, causing Crystal to turn to 
the side to see who was speaking to her. A woman with short red hair and wearing 
a blue jersey stood before her. "Lucky Laura."
"I'm her roommate. Crystal." She held her hand out and found it quickly incased 
in a firm grip.
"Peg." Crystal felt the woman's eyes checking out her body and shifted 
uncomfortably. "So you look kind of familiar. Have we met somewhere before?"
"Oh please," Jenny called from her vantage point ten feet away at first base. 
"Ignore her, Crystal. She's got more lines than the phone company. Rogers, when 
you are you gonna feel up to playing again?" she asked. "And I mean softball," 
she added before the redhead could get out a smart aleck reply.
"Um, no I don't think we have," Crystal said, pulling her hand back and looking 
toward home plate. The pitcher was done with her warmups and the batter was 
getting into position.
"When did you become captain of the team, Foster?" Peg said to Jenny before 
turning her attention back to the attractive blonde. "So you're Laura's new 
girlfriend, hmm?"
"I'm her roommate, not her girlfriend," the stripper replied quickly, not 
wanting anyone to get the wrong idea about her relationship with Laura. Looking 
around the field and audience, Crystal began to suspect that heterosexuals were 
in the minority here.
"Just friends?" Peg smirked and took a step closer. "Taylor must be dying with 
you around." She patted Crystal's bare knee just below the edge of her khaki 
shorts. "Honey, if you were my roommate I guarantee you wouldn't be going to bed 
alone at night."
"I'm straight," she said, shifting out of reach. The first pitch was a ball 
followed by a strike. Then the batter managed to connect wood with leather and 
the ball sailed out to deep right field. It hit the ground a second before Laura 
caught up with it. The batter rounded first and was halfway to second when 
wisdom dictated not testing the arm strength of Ameilia's Pub's right fielder. 
She jogged quickly back to first.
"Hi Jen, how's it going?"
"Good Tracy, how are things with you?"
"Just fine. I think Lisa might go out with me tonight."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, at least she's talking to me again." Tracy turned her attention to home 
plate. All right, time to get your pretty asses kicked."
"Diane couldn't hit a beach ball," Jenny said, referring to the batter who just 
swung and missed the first pitch.
"Big talk, Foster. You'll be eating crow when she knocks that ball over the 
fence."
Despite Tracy's hopes, Diane hit a slow roller to second which was then thrown 
to first for the double play. The next batter struck out, ending the visitor's 
half of the inning. Laura and the rest of the outfield came running in, the 
Ameilia's pub players settling on the bench between the bleachers and the first 
base line.
"Having fun?" Laura asked as she tossed her glove on the ground and opened the 
cooler in search of something cold to drink.
"Sure, see that one over there?" Crystal pointed at Peg, who was plying her 
charms on the third baseman.
"Peg? What about her?"
"She's jealous of you."
"Of me? Why?"
"Ah Laura," Jenny said as she joined the conversation. "You know Peg has a thing 
for spunky looking blondes. She offered to keep Crystal warm at night."
The writer nodded. "Ah, and I suppose she wasn't quite as subtle as that, was 
she?"
"I thought she was going to drool," Jenny said as she reached past Crystal and 
took a bottle of ice water out of the cooler. "Crystal told her she was straight 
and Peg took a walk. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out and protect our friend's 
virtue."
"I'm sorry about that," Laura said to her roommate. "Usually they know how to 
behave like ladies,' she shot a warning glance in Peg's direction but it was 
lost as the redhead's back was to them.
Jenny picked up her helmet and bat. "Guess I'd better get over there."
"Good luck," Laura said.
"Yeah, good luck," Crystal added as Jenny headed for the batter's box.
Swish…thwap! "Strike one!" the umpire called.
"Shake it off, Jen," Laura encouraged, clapping and urging her teammates to do 
the same. Half-hearted calls of support came from the bench.
Swish…thwap! "Strike two!"
"Come on, Jen, you can do it."
Swish…thwap! "Strike three, you're out!" the umpire said. Jenny walked back over 
to the side of the bleachers and picked up her drink.
"Hey Doc, I thought the idea was to hit the ball," Crystal said, earning a snort 
from Laura.
"You be quiet, my dear Laura," Jenny warned. "As for you," she turned her 
attention to the now grinning Crystal. "I see you're picking up her warped sense 
of humor." She took a long swallow of her fruit juice. "It's only the first out. 
Nothing to worry about."
"Duck!" Someone yelled as a foul ball cleared the bench. "Donna, do us a favor 
and try not to kill us before the inning's over, okay?" someone yelled to the 
embarrassed batter. The next swing put the ball in deep left field, allowing 
Donna to get to second base. Toni's base hit advanced the runner to third and a 
walk to Lisa filled the bases.
"All right, Laura," Jenny said. "Show 'em what ya got."
"Why is she standing on that side of the plate?" Crystal asked. "Everyone else 
stood on the other side."
"Laura's a lefty. They're supposed to stand on that side," the therapist 
explained.
The first contact sent the ball over the fence on the third base side.
"Foul ball, strike one!" the umpire called.
"Come on, Laura, show these little girls up," Kelly, the Ameilia's catcher, 
shouted.
Crystal sat quietly on the bleacher and watched as the pitcher wound up and 
fired the ball underhanded at the plate. This time Laura's hit was good, 
dropping into shallow center field. It was enough for the runners to advance, 
allowing Ameilia's Pub to score the first run of the game.
"Nice shot," Tracy said, taking her position covering first base. "Trying to 
impress your new girl?"
"She's my roommate, not my lover," Laura corrected. Tracy looked over at the 
blonde woman in question and shook her head.
"Too bad, Taylor. Looks like she's got a good set going there."
"Pervert."
The first baseman looked at Crystal again. "I don't know. Seems to me that it's 
perverted to let something that fine live under your roof and you not doing 
anything about it."
"She's straight, Tracy."
"So I've heard. Wouldn't be the first time one of them was shown how much better 
a woman can be."
"She's off limits. Pay attention to the game."
"I'd much rather pay attention to her," Tracy said with a sigh, reluctantly 
turning her focus back to the softball game.
Unaware that she was the subject of conversation between the two women at first 
base, Crystal continued to listen to Jenny identify everyone on the team. "Now 
the one up to bat is Kelly."
"The catcher," Crystal said, receiving a nod in reply.
"Yeah, now remember the one that hit on you earlier? That's one of her ex's."
"One?"
"Oh yeah, Kelly makes the rounds. We were together briefly."
"Why do I get the feeling I'm a minority here?"
Jenny laughed and reached for another bottle of juice from the cooler. "Because 
you are, m'dear." She popped the top off the bottle. "Take a look around. I 
think you're probably the only straight one here except for maybe some of the 
other fans." Jenny took a step closer to the end of the bleachers and lowered 
her voice, not wanting their conversation overheard by the players on the nearby 
bench. "Does it bother you to be around so many lesbians?"
"No, I don't think it does," Crystal said, sliding down one row of seats on the 
bleacher, bringing her face to face with the therapist. "I don't think I've ever 
been around so many."
"Well don't worry," Jenny said. "We don't bite."
"Unless asked," Carmen said as she walked by, catching only the tail end of the 
conversation. She stopped and held her hand out. "Carmen Cruz."
"Crystal Sheridan."
"Pleased to meet you, Miss Sheridan." Carmen's darker skin stood in contrast to 
the blonde woman's lighter tone as they shook hands. "I haven't seen you here 
before. Whose girlfriend are you?"
"None. I'm Laura's roommate," she said for what felt like the hundredth time.
"Well I'm glad you decided to grace us with your presence," the pitcher said, 
reluctantly releasing Crystal's hand. "Maybe you'll bring us good luck. Lord 
knows we could use some lately."
"We've lost our last four games," Jenny explained.
"Oh," Crystal said as she rose to her feet. "I don't know how you can play in 
this heat." She was wearing a tank top covered by a light blue short sleeved 
shirt. Without thought she peeled off the outer shirt and tossed it aside. At 
that very moment, Kelly hit a slow roller up the third base line. Distracted by 
the activity on the bleachers, the shortstop bobbled the ball, accidentally 
kicking it out to center field and allowing two more runs to score. Laura 
advanced from first to third and the home team bench exploded with catcalls and 
teasing comments when they realized what had happened.
"You're supposed to keep your eyes on the ball, not the girls," Toni called.
"Hey Duncan, I didn't think you were that hard up," someone else said. "What's 
the matter, not getting any?"
"I get it just fine," the shortstop said, aware that her most recent conquest 
was standing in the outfield. "I just…well…" She stammered to a stop, causing a 
new round of hoots and laughter.
"I knew you were a good luck charm," Carmen said to the now blushing Crystal. 
"You coming out with us after the game?"
"After?" Not knowing the answer, she turned to Jenny.
"We're not sure yet. Depends on how Laura is feeling," she said.
"Well then," Carmen said, picking up her glove. "If you do come out, you'll have 
to allow me the pleasure of buying you a drink," she directed her offer at 
Crystal. "After all, we're ahead because of you."
"I uh, sure," Crystal said. "If we go." A crack of the bat and Wendy grounded 
out, ending the inning.
"Well, I guess it's time for me to get out there." Carmen left just as Laura 
stopped by to pick up her glove.
"They're not bothering you too much, are they?" the writer asked with concern, 
aware that Crystal was the cause of the shortstop's distraction. There were days 
when the team from Ameilia's Pub became bawdy and no doubt this was going to be 
one of them.
"I think I've been hit on three times and the one that plays third base said 
she'd pay me to that again when she's up to bat." Crystal shrugged. "Other than 
that and everyone asking if we're sleeping together, I'm fine."
"They're really pretty harmless," the writer said. "If anyone gives you a hard 
time, you just tell me. I've got to get out there. Talk to you in three 
hopefully short outs."
Crystal watched her roommate head to right field before turning her attention to 
the activities at home plate. Alex, the Falcon shortstop who made the error in 
the previous inning, was at the plate. The catcher, Kelly, couldn't resist the 
opportunity.
"Hey Duncan, think you can pay attention to the ball this time?"
"Go to hell, Kelly," the batter said without malice. "I noticed you buzzing 
around her like a bee to honey."
"Batter up," the umpire interrupted. Alex took her position and waited for 
Carmen's pitch.
"I'd pay good money to dive into that hive," Kelly said just as Alex swung.
Swish…thwap! "Strike one!" The Falcon shortstop adjusted her helmet and resumed 
her stance.
"Bet she's sweeter than honey, too…mmm."
Thunk! "Foul, strike two!"
"Shut up, Kelly," Alex said, tightening the wrist straps of her batting gloves. 
She stepped in again, this time barely stopping herself from swinging at a low 
pitch.
Thwap! "Ball."
"Come on, Duncan, knock the shit out of it," one of the Falcon players yelled.
"Of course it's too bad she's straight."
Thwap! "Strike three, you're out!" Alex looked from the catcher to Crystal and 
back again, shaking her head and smiling when she realized that she'd just been 
distracted into making an out.
"It's gonna be a long game," she said as she walked away.
*****************
Carmen's strong arm and good fielding by Wendy and Donna ended the game, the 
Airhearts victorious over the Falcons. Small micro groups formed in the parking 
lot, women either agreeing to meet at Ameilia's or giving one of many reasons 
why they couldn't attend. Toni had Linda pressed up against the side of a van, 
their mouths doing something far more enjoyable than talking. Surprised by the 
public display, Crystal looked everywhere but at the passionate lovers. How can 
they act like that out here in front of everyone? She noted that the others 
seemed to not notice and those that did stop and look at the couple simply 
smiled and went back to their conversations. Crystal looked at the couple again, 
this time seeing more than just two women kissing. For the first time she saw 
tears running down Linda's cheeks. So engrossed in the drama unfolding before 
her, Crystal never heard the therapist come up behind her.
"Guess we won't be seeing them at Ameilia's," Jenny said, startling her. "Sorry, 
I thought you knew I was here."
"It's okay. So you're going to the bar?"
"Yeah, for a little while anyway. Laura likes to shoot pool and this is really 
the only time she gets to do it. It takes an act of Congress to get her out of 
the house any other time."
"She spends a lot of time on her computer," Crystal said, looking around for the 
woman in question. She spotted Laura talking to Kelly, the two woman laughing 
and gesturing animatedly.
"It does everyone good to get out and be sociable once in a while."
"Is that so, Doc?" Crystal lit a cigarette and leaned against the brightly 
colored Thing. "You think I need to get out more often?"
"I think you need to make some new friends and this motley crew is the perfect 
place to start." She leaned over and pressed the horn. "Come on, Laura."
"What if I don't want to go?"
"Well, the bus comes by about once an hour. Of course I'm sure someone here 
would be more than willing to give you a ride home."
"Oh, I'm sure there is," Crystal agreed, reaching for the door handle. "But I've 
seen those looks from enough men. Apparently wolves come in both sexes."
"There's good and bad in everyone, regardless of their gender or preferences." 
Jenny opened the door and got behind the steering wheel. "Some just come in 
prettier packages."
"Hey Crystal!" Carmen yelled, waving and running over to them. "You'd be safer 
riding in my car. I have a CD player and leather seats."
"And more moves than Michael Jordan," Jenny quipped, much to the pitcher's 
chagrin. "Crystal, Carmen is the original ladies woman."
"Yeah," Peg said as she approached and joined in on the conversation. "She just 
turns on that Cuban charm of hers and the woman fall at her feet."
"Jealous?" Carmen baited. "I can't help it if I know how to treat a lady and you 
don't." She turned back to Crystal. "And I would never let a lady ride around in 
this death trap."
"Oh man it's getting deep around here," Peg said. Jenny rolled her eyes and 
nodded her head in agreement. Laura finally finished talking to the catcher and 
joined them.
"Ready to go?" she asked, opening the door and getting in.
"We've been ready," Jenny said, turning the key and smiling as the Thing's 
engine roared to life. "Just for keeping us waiting, I think you should buy the 
first round for us."
"Yeah," Crystal enthusiastically agreed, causing the woman still standing around 
the car to laugh.
"I don't think you have to worry about someone buying your drinks, Sweetie," 
Carmen said. "They'll be lined up along the bar just waiting for the privilege."
"And you'll be right in that line, won't you?" Laura teased.
"Absolutely," Carmen said proudly. "I'll see you at Ameilia's," she said more to 
Crystal than anyone else. Jenny put the Thing in gear and moved it forward, 
hitting a pothole and causing the occupants to bounce around in their seats. 
Crystal quickly reached for the ends of the seat belt. "I told you that you 
should have ridden with me, Sweetie," Carmen called as they pulled away.
"She might have been right," Laura said, turning in her seat. "She would have 
only flirted mercilessly with you. Hell on wheels Foster here might kill you 
before we get there."
"Bite me," Jenny said, following Kelly's Range Rover out of the parking lot. 
"Now you buy the first two rounds."
Part 3
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L


Ameilia's Pub was on the main thoroughfare with only a small parking lot to try 
and accommodate its customers. Jenny managed to get one of the last spaces in 
the lot, much to the dismay of Kelly, who was still circling in search of a 
place to put her Range Rover. Several other players also arrived at that time, 
adding to the lighthearted mood. "Hey Crystal," one of the Falcons called. "You 
gonna take your shirt off again?" Her comment was met with whoops and hollers 
from her friends.
"Sorry about the children," Laura apologized. "There's a few in every crowd. You 
stick near Jenny and I and you'll be fine."
"You know I'm not some innocent little virgin out on her first date," Crystal 
said, pulling out a cigarette. "Just because I've never been to a lesbian bar 
before."
Laura exchanged looks with Jenny. They knew their friends too well. "Just to be 
on the safe side, stay near us."
Crystal was not surprised to find Carmen holding the door open for them. While 
it still felt awkward, she was quickly coming to terms with the lustful gazes 
and attention directed her way. Yup, guess I won't be buying any of my drinks 
tonight. "Thank you."
"It was my pleasure, Sweetie," Carmen said with a flourishing wave of her hand. 
"Shall we go inside where you can quench your thirst?" Laura had to reach out 
quickly to catch the door as the Cuban woman followed Crystal inside.
"You know," Laura said while holding the door for Jenny. "Carmen is 
incorrigible."
"It's not her fault Crystal has the words 'fresh meat' tattooed across her 
forehead." She stepped up on her tiptoes to look for the woman in question. "Ah, 
there she is."
Crystal was at the far end of the bar, flanked by Carmen and Alex. "Should we go 
rescue her?" Laura asked.
"Didn't she tell you that she could handle herself?" Jenny said, guiding the 
writer toward the pool tables.
"But she's…" Laura's protest was stopped by her ex-lover's fingers on her lips.
"No doubt had lots of experience fending off horny men's advances. What makes 
you think she's incapable of handling the same situation with a woman?" She 
gestured at the small table in front of them. "Have a seat. I'll get us some 
drinks."
"It's filthy."
Sighing, Jenny smiled and patted Laura's shoulder. "I'll bring back some 
napkins. You want club soda or do you feel adventurous tonight?"
"Club soda is fine. Add a twist of lime to that please." Laura picked up a 
nearby napkin and began brushing the spilled ashes off the table.
"Don't forget to put our names on the board or you'll never get a table," Jenny 
said before making her way through the crowd.
At the other end of the bar, Crystal pulled out a cigarette only to have Alex 
hop up and pull out a lighter. "Allow me," she offered.
"Since you let this barbarian buy your first drink," Carmen said, earning a 
snort from the shortstop, "Will you dance with me, Sweetie?"
"Ah, no thanks." The scotch and soda was smooth and went down quickly. Crystal 
found a certain amount of comfort in the woman's bar, the guard she normally 
kept up to protect herself from men not needed here. She was certain a simple no 
would keep the would-be Romeos at bay.
"Yeah, I don't dance much either," Alex said, scooting her chair closer. "So 
what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a d-…" Crystal stopped herself, realizing her normal answer of dancer 
wasn't a good idea after turning the woman next to her down. "uh…" She looked at 
the bar full of rowdy lesbians. I don't think telling the truth is a good idea 
either. There had been enough comments and catcalls at the ball park without 
them knowing she was a stripper. Shit, think quickly. The bartender arrived at 
that moment with Carmen's drink. "A bartender," she blurted. "Downtown."
"Oh, that's interesting," Alex said, letting her hand rest on the bar only 
centimeters from Crystal's. "The Falcon is downtown. That's the bar I hang out 
at. I think Esther is looking for someone to help out on the weekends. You 
should go by there tonight and check it out."
"I'm working tonight," she said, thinking only of giving an excuse not to go to 
the lesbian bar.
"Oh yeah? Maybe I could stop by and say hi. Where?"
"Uh…" Fuck, fuck, fuck. Trapped in her own web of lies, Crystal panicked and 
took the first escape offered. "You know Carmen, I think I will take you up on 
your offer." I can do this, I can dance with a woman, she told herself as the 
now happy Carmen stood up and took her hand. "I'll be back in a few minutes," 
she said to Alex, feeling a twinge of guilt over the crestfallen expression on 
the shortstop's face. As she was led through the crowd to the dance floor, 
Crystal began to have second thoughts. Multi-colored lights bounced off the 
disco ball and the dance floor was divided into different colored panels that 
lit up in time with the music. The dance area was raised higher than the rest of 
the bar, allowing it to double as a stage from time to time. Ameilia's bar had 
been built in the late seventies and apparently the owner saw no reason to 
update it. At least the disc jockey knew what decade it was and kept the women 
entertained with the latest dance hits.
When Carmen led them to a spot near the front of the stage, Crystal lost her 
nerve and started to walk away. "No no no, Sweetie. Where are you going?" Carmen 
asked, reached out and stopping her with a tanned hand on her arm.
"I can't do this."
"Of course you can, Sweetie." The Cuban woman took Crystal's hands in hers and 
began swaying to the music, moving their arms to the same rhythm. It was a song 
the blonde woman was familiar with and she reluctantly admitted that Carmen was 
a good dancer. Of their own volition, Crystal's hips and legs joined in. "You 
see, my dear? I knew you could do this," the pitcher said, releasing her hands. 
They danced through two more songs before Crystal finally managed to beg off and 
leave the multi-colored floor.
The pool tables were between the dance floor and bar, making it easy for Crystal 
to solve the problem of Alex by sitting down at Laura's table. "Hi."
"Hi yourself," the writer said, setting a coaster down in front of Crystal. "You 
want a drink?"
"Yeah, scotch and soda, strong."
"Four bucks." Crystal reached into her pocket and pulled out her small wad of 
bills. She had enough to buy herself one more drink. Better nurse it, she 
thought to herself. She handed a five dollar bill over and watched Jenny 
approach, cue stick in hand.
"Oh, so you decided to come down from the dance floor after all? I thought you 
were going to dance with the girls all night long," the brown haired woman 
teased.
"I don't know why I did that. I've never danced with a woman before."
"Well, you looked like you were having a good time up there. I didn't see Carmen 
twisting your arm to keep you there." Jenny sat in the adjacent chair and picked 
up her beer. "Laura's driving," she offered before taking a pull from the 
longneck bottle. "So was she?"
"Was she what?"
"Twisting your arm to keep you up on the dance floor?"
"No. I just…"
"You dance good…for a straight girl."
"Thanks a lot, Doc," Crystal said sarcastically. "You know some of these women 
are as bad as guys? I get more attention here than in a real bar."
"This is a real bar," Jenny corrected.
"You know what I mean. It's weird, that's all." She looked toward the dance 
floor, spotting Carmen dancing with two other women.
"Did you have fun?"
"Well, it…" Crystal unbuttoned her shirt sleeved shirt. "Damn, it's hot in 
here."
"I'm glad you didn't do that on the dance floor," Jenny said. "You caused enough 
damage at the ball game. If Alex had been playing pool she probably would have 
knocked the ball through a window." They both laughed at the image. "So answer 
the question. Did you have fun dancing?"
"Yes. It was different."
"Different from what? Dancing with men?" At Crystal's nod, she continued. "How?"
"I don't know, it just was."
"That's a copout. Try looking at your feelings. What is it about dancing with a 
woman that's different from a man?"
"I don't know," Crystal began, fidgeting in her seat. "I didn't have to worry 
about anything but dancing with her." She shook her head, certain that her words 
didn't make any sense.
"You worry a lot, don't you?" Jenny prodded gently.
"Sometimes," the stripper admitted without looking up. She pulled out a 
cigarette and lit it, taking comfort in the familiar. "You wouldn't understand." 
She shook her head. "No one does."
"You'd be surprised at what I understand," Jenny said. "I understand what it's 
like to spend today worrying about yesterday and being afraid of tomorrow. I 
understand that a wounded child can't heal if she's never given love."
At Jenny's words Crystal's expression changed. The relaxed posture was gone, 
replaced by the gruff exterior that showed the day Jenny gave her a ride to the 
liquor store. "Too late for that, Doc." Laura arrived at that moment, giving 
Crystal what she so desperately needed at that moment. She drained half the 
glass before putting it down on the table. This conversation is over, she 
thought to herself, agitated at how easily Jenny seemed to read her. "Hey Laura, 
wanna play pool?"
"You have to put your name on the board but I can see if the next person wants 
to play partners." Without waiting for a reply, Laura looked around. "Hey Kelly, 
you want to play partners?"
"Hang on." The catcher turned and asked someone wearing a Falcon shirt, 
exchanging a few words before turning her attention back to Laura. "Sure, Carrie 
and me against you and who? Jenny?"
"No, Crystal."
"Sure. We'd be happy to kick your ass."
"Are you any good?" Laura asked quietly.
"I spend most of my life in bars and clubs. I can handle myself with a cue 
stick," Crystal replied. Feeling cocky, she called out to the grinning catcher. 
"Hey Kelly, you wanna put your money where your mouth is?"
"Where I'd like to put my mouth has nothing to do with money," the catcher 
replied. That garnered a few comments and hoots from the women around her. "How 
about a pitcher of beer?"
"Deal," Laura answered for the blushing Crystal. "You rack, we break."
The game progressed but not without several suggestive comments from Kelly and 
Carrie, especially when Crystal, her upper body covered only with a tank top, 
leaned over the table to make her shots. For the most part the stripper was able 
to fend off the innuendoes and occasionally found her roommate coming to her 
defense. It ended with Kelly sinking the eight ball out of turn, making Laura 
and Crystal the winners. The two women returned to their table to find fresh 
drinks waiting for them courtesy of Jenny. Moments later a pitcher of beer was 
delivered as per the bet made with Kelly. Crystal made quick work of her scotch 
and soda, her third of the evening, and reached for the pitcher. Laura just as 
quickly reached picked up a napkin to use as a makeshift coaster, lest any water 
sweat off the glass and onto the tabletop. The ever charming Carmen came along 
and talked Laura into joining her one the dance floor while Kelly pulled Jenny 
into a pool game. Now free to observe, Crystal watched several women slip out a 
side door. Ah hah. Making sure her lighter was in her pocket, the blonde woman 
crossed the room and exited through the door.
The side door led to the alley, still lit by the late day sun. Crystal saw the 
crowd standing on the far side of a dumpster. Most were wearing the red jerseys 
of the Falcons but two were Airhearts. A red cooler was sitting on the ground 
next to them, the lid open to reveal several cans of beer chilling on ice. 
Jackpot. Beer and weed. "Got room for one more?" she asked.
"Sure," one of the women in red replied. "I'm Diane and this is Liz, Dawn, and 
Tracy."
"We met at the game," Tracy said as she held out the burning joint. "Crystal, 
isn't it?"
"Yeah," she replied, taking the offered joint. "Laura's new roommate."
"Oh yeah," Diane said. "The straight one." She took the joint from Crystal and 
took a long drag. "Well, you seem pretty cool anyway."
Gee thanks, the stripper thought to herself. It's not like I have a disease or 
anything.
"Then again," Diane continued. "Anyone who can appreciate fine herb can't be all 
bad."
"Spoken like a true pothead," Dawn said. "Keep your eye on her, Crystal. Diane 
is notorious for plying women with wine and weed."
"Yeah, any more notches on her belt and it'll fall apart," Tracy chimed in.
"Fuck you both," Diane joked back. "There's nothing wrong with having a joint or 
two on auspicious occasions."
"Yeah, like sunset," Crystal said, causing the group to burst into laughter.
"Oh, Blondie has a wit about her, eh? Well fuck you too."
Crystal used the tips of her fingernails to take the remaining end of the joint 
from Dawn. "Naw, you'd enjoy it too much." The women howled again.
"She got you that time, Diane," Liz teased. "That's probably the first time I've 
seen you not have a comeback."
"You gonna hog it or pass it?" Diane growled good-naturedly. "And as for you," 
she turned to Crystal. "All I can say is once you've been with me, you'll never 
go back to a man."
"Amen to that," Dawn agreed. "But then again we can't all be perfect like you, 
Diane."
"Yup, that's her, all right," Liz said. "Practically perfect in every way. The 
lesbian Mary Poppins."
"Oh please," Diane said, rolling her eyes. "You see what I have to put up with?"
"Oh yeah, it's real torture," Tracy replied. "Stop griping and pass it around."
Crystal stayed in the alley with the women, smoking their pot and joining in on 
the jokes whenever she could. It was a sharp contrast to her druggie friends who 
preferred to spend their time indoors with rock music blasting. She leaned 
against the dumpster and let the heady feeling of the pot work its way through 
her body. She relaxed and let herself enjoy hanging out with a new group of 
people. By the time Jenny found her, Crystal's eyes were little slits and her 
gait resembled organized stumbling more than walking. Her new friends weren't 
any better, laughing at her and staggering about themselves.
"It's time to go," the therapist said, putting a hand on Crystal's shoulder.
"I'll give her a ride home," Liz offered.
"I think she wants to get home with all her clothes on," Tracy joked.
"I'll take her home," Jenny said firmly. "I think she's had enough fun for one 
day."
"Nice meeting you," Crystal said, waving her hand sluggishly. The combination of 
liquor, beer, and pot had the stripper totally under their control. She made no 
fuss when Jenny led her back into the bar and over to their table.
"Where'd you find her?" Laura asked, rising to her feet to help Jenny guide 
Crystal into a chair.
"Outside with Diane and her cronies."
"Yeah, she looks it. How'd she get hooked up with them?"
"I don't know. She must have figured out what they were doing and got herself 
invited, I guess."
"I've heard of gaydar but potdar?" The writer shook her head. "And you thought 
it'd be a good idea for her to come out with us. She could have stayed home and 
gotten trashed or stoned or whatever they call it."
"Trashed looks like an accurate term," Jenny agreed, looking at the 
semi-conscious woman sitting on the chair before her. "I still think it was a 
positive experience for her. Come on, let's get her out to the car."
"How do you figure that?" Laura asked while putting an arm around the smaller 
woman. "Crystal…Crystal, it's time to go. Think you can stand up?"
"S-sssure." Grabbing Laura's arm for support, the stripper pulled herself to her 
feet. She teetered for a moment before gripping her roommate's arm with both 
hands. "Damn, guess I drank more than I thought."
"More like smoked, I believe," Laura muttered. "Jenny, you got her on that 
side?"
"I've got her. Let's go."
"I can walk," Crystal protested, not wanting to be helped out of the bar.
"Walk right into a wall, you mean." Laura let her agitation show through in her 
voice. Her grip never lessened as she led the trio to the door. "I can see this 
was a really good experience for her, Jen." She used her hip to push open the 
door. "Now she has a new place to go get her drugs."
"Now you know Diane wouldn't sell anyone pot."
"Sell? Did you see the way everyone acted around her today? If Crystal said she 
wanted some I'm sure at least a half dozen women would offer to give her some. 
Oh, there's something positive. Crystal learned she can seduce women into buying 
her drinks." Laura paused her ranting long enough to open the back door of the 
Thing. "I thought poor Alex Duncan was going to have an orgasm right there on 
the infield when Crystal took her shirt off."
"That was pretty funny, wasn't it? I'm just glad she didn't do that again on the 
dance floor."
"Don't try to change the subject, Jen." Together they helped the lethargic 
Crystal into the back seat. "How on earth is this a positive experience for 
her?"
"Think about what you've told me about her nightmares and the way she feels 
about men," Jenny said, leaning against the side of the orange car. "Do you 
think she's ever been able to relax this much around a group of people?"
"So in order to relax she has to get drunk?"
"Put the drinking and pot aside for a minute. Last week she wouldn't even come 
out of her room when you had company at the house. Today she came out to the 
ballfield with minimal fuss and even went to a lesbian bar. She relaxed and had 
fun, even before she started drinking." She looked at Crystal, who was 
struggling to sit up on her own. "I think I'm going to ride in the back with 
her."
"Good, that way you can warn me if she decides it's time to redecorate the 
upholstery." Laura opened the driver's door. "You are spending the night at my 
place, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I've had a few beers. I don't want to take the chance. Scoot over, 
Crystal. I'm going to ride back here with you." Laura started the Thing and 
exited the parking lot.
"Is Laura pissed at me again?" Crystal mumbled.
"Why would you say that?"
Shrugging her shoulders, Crystal pulled out a bent cigarette from her rumpled 
pack. "I dunno."
"Yes you do. Why do you think Laura would be angry with you?"
"She usually is, espec-cally when I'm drinking."
"Why did you drink so much tonight?" Jenny glanced up to see Laura taking the 
onramp for the highway.
"Felt like it." The little slits widened slightly. "Oooh."
"What?"
"Look at that." Crystal pointed at the lights of a Ferris Wheel off in the 
distance.
"Hmm, looks like the carnival is back in town. Do you always drink when you feel 
uncomfortable?"
"What? You think I'm an alky, Doc?"
"Do you think you're an alcoholic?"
Crystal's brow furrowed. "N-no, I don't think so. I never really thought about 
it. I just drink."
"Does it help?"
"Sometimes." She looked off to her right again, her eyes focusing on the 
carnival lights. "I haven't been to the fair since I was a little kid." She 
watched in silence until the lights could no longer be seen. "You trying to play 
shrink with me, Doc?" She turned to look at Jenny. "If I told you, you wouldn't 
believe me."
"If you told me something was the truth, Crystal, make no mistake about it, I 
would believe you."
"Yeah, shame you weren't around when I was a kid," she said bitterly. "It 
doesn't matter now."
"If it causes even a moment's discomfort for you, it matters now." Jenny turned 
in her seat to face Crystal. "One of these days all the beer and pot in the 
world isn't going to keep those demons at bay. What are you going to do then?"
*****************
Laura pulled the Thing into the parking space. "Think we should put the top up?"
"No, it'll be fine," Jenny said. "So do we wake her?"
"Unless you want to carry her."
"Not a chance." Jenny nudged the sleeping woman's shoulder. "Crystal, we're 
home."
"Hmm? Oh." She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?"
"A little after nine."
Laura groaned as she got out the car and stretched. "I feel like I've been run 
over by a truck."
"You were," Jenny said. "Remember, you, Dawn, home plate?"
"I don't know about you two but I'm going in, peeing, and going to bed," Crystal 
said, leaning against the car. She looked at the front door blearily, mentally 
calculating her chances of successfully navigating the walk. Taking a step 
forward, she felt the ground beneath her shift and all sense of balance 
disappear.
"Grab her!" Laura yelled, catching Crystal's arm to keep her from falling. Jenny 
quickly took position on the other side and together they walked the drunken 
woman into the house.
Despite being too drunk to walk on her own, Crystal was in a good mood and quite 
agreeable to the therapist's suggestion of going to sleep. When Jenny came 
downstairs, she found Laura in the kitchen pouring steaming hot water into two 
mugs.
"I thought you might like some chamomile."
"Oh, that sounds good." Jenny kicked off her sneakers and settled herself at one 
end of the couch, her feet resting on the middle cushion. "I haven't had that in 
months."
"Probably not since the last time you spent the night." Taking up a similar 
position at the other end of the couch, Laura took a sip of her tea. "Where did 
you want to sleep tonight?"
"You mean you're asking instead of hinting?"
"Keep it up and you can sleep out in the Thing."
Jenny smirked at the empty threat. "We're too old to be playing around in the 
back seat anymore. Since when has there been a question about where I sleep when 
I'm over here?" Knowing her ex-lover all too well, she immediately guessed the 
problem. "Because of Crystal? Laura, I don't think she'll drop dead of shock if 
she found out we slept in the same bed. After all, roommates have to respect 
each other. Speaking of which…"
"I still don't think this is going to work out, Jen. She's just too different."
"Why?"
"Aside from being a druggie?" Laura set her cup down and flexed her fingers. 
"Let's see…she's moody as hell."
"And you never have moods? Might I remind a certain someone of fifty pages of 
story that disappeared forever when you let your writer's block get to you?"
"That's different," Laura defended. "I was under a lot of stress then."
"Do you think it's stressful waking up from nightmares every night?" She watched 
Laura fidget. "Or not knowing where you only sister is?" Jenny received a heavy 
sigh in reply, her point made. "So what else?"
"That damn shower curtain. Did you see it? Why on earth would anyone want a 
clear shower curtain? I get a great view of the toilet while I'm showering."
"Well, at least you get to admire your fuzzy seat cover."
"Ha! It doesn't occur to her put the seat down when she's done. I'm surprised 
she remembers to flush." She smiled at Jenny's attempt not to laugh. "I just 
can't figure out why she'd want a clear one."
"I don't know," Jenny said thoughtfully. "What else can you see besides the 
toilet?"
"Nothing. Just the sink and door." She shook her head. "Why would she want to 
see that?"
"Why indeed?" She leaned forward, going into what Laura affectionately referred 
to as her therapist mode. "Alone, naked, vulnerable. I can't imagine why she's 
want to be able to see the door at all times."
"So she needs to see a locked door?"
"She needs to feel safe, whatever safe means to her." Reaching out, she put her 
hand on Laura's knee. "Just like you feel safe when things are neat and 
orderly."
"I don't like the drugs, Jen. Her last apartment caught fire. She said she was 
sleeping. What if she set the fire during a hallucination?"
"From what I've seen, she doesn't do hallucinogens. She wants to feel numb, not 
space out and stare at things that aren't there."
"Oh yeah, that's much better," the writer scoffed. "She still has a problem with 
drugs."
"You have to look past the symptoms to see the real problem." Jenny said, 
leaning back and picking up her teacup. "People who have been severely abused 
will do anything they can to protect themselves, no matter how irrational it 
might seem to others." Seeing that Laura wasn't convinced, she tried a different 
approach. "Think about it this way. She grew up with an abusive father and her 
only comfort apparently was her sister. Think about being fourteen and having 
the one thing you depended on most in your life ripped away from you. Then 
imagine living on your own, with no support, at the age of fifteen."
"It's so hard to believe a man could be so cruel to his own daughter."
"Daughters," Jenny corrected. "And what do you think he was like after Crystal's 
sister ran away?" Setting the now empty cup on the stand, she twisted around 
until her head was lying on Laura's lap. "Is it any wonder that she never 
learned how to properly deal with her emotions and problems?"
"I don't think she has many friends." Laura said. "I mean, how many people would 
put up with her?"
"Not many," Jenny agreed. "Most would probably just write her off as a lost 
cause." She gave her ex-lover a meaningful look. "Just turn their backs and walk 
away."
"You don't play fair, you know that?" She leaned down and, brushing the light 
brown bangs out of her way, planted a soft kiss on Jenny's forehead.
"All's fair in love, war, and trying to get you to see my side of things," Jenny 
said with a grin. "Now, you have any of that lavender bubble bath left?"
"Yeah, there's some upstairs in the linen closet. Why, you thinking of taking a 
bath?"
"Right after you do."
Laura raised her left arm and sniffed. "I guess I could use one."
"Guess? After running around right field all day and then being in that 
smoke-filled bar a bath is a requirement unless you want to sleep on the couch 
tonight." She sat up and stretched, groaning as stiff muscles protested the 
movement. "Besides, I could use a good long soak about now."
"You go first then. I'll catch up on my email and get some writing in. Do you 
want the blue or red pajamas?"
"Blue. It's too hot for flannel."
"You could go with au natural, you know." Laura wiggled her eyebrows 
lecherously. "I wouldn't mind."
"Oh, that's subtle," Jenny said sarcastically. She put her hands on Laura's 
shoulders and pointed her in the direction of the stairs. "Maybe you should take 
a cold shower instead of a bath."
"Brrr, you're no fun."
"You just go up there and get your mind on writing instead of in the gutter."
"Yes Mother."
"Keep it up," Jenny warned playfully. "My threat to make you sleep on the couch 
still stands." She picked up the empty cups. "And don't think I won't."
*****************
Crystal thrashed about her bed, the blanket becoming tangled around her legs. In 
her dream, her father was coming closer, screaming obscenities the whole way. 
Feeling trapped, she struggled harder, the frantic movements finally bringing 
her to wakefulness. She looked about the room, momentarily disoriented. "Damn…" 
Taking a deep breath, she rubbed her face with her hands and tugged her legs 
free of the blanket. Sleepy eyes barely open, she slowly got up from bed and 
trudged her way into the bathroom.
When she was finished, the half-awake women shut the light off and turned left, 
opening the door and stepping inside. Only then did she realize her mistake. Get 
lucky tonight, Doc? The two women were facing away from her, Jenny's arm wrapped 
protectively around Laura's waist. Crystal started to leave but found herself 
unable to tear her eyes away from the sight. I thought that only happened in the 
movies. She had seen a man and woman sleeping in the same bed but never had she 
seen two people cuddled up so close. It wasn't a case of having nowhere else to 
sleep, it was obvious the women wanted to be with each other. Upset by the 
nightmare and envious of the love Jenny and Laura shared, Crystal finally turned 
away and headed back to her own room.
Well this sucks. Now awake with nothing to do, Crystal looked around her room. 
Where is it? She kicked the blankets out of her way, turning up a boot and a 
sock but not the missing remote. There's probably nothing on this late anyway. 
She opened the vertical blinds and looked out at the night sky. The moon gave 
little light, barely enough to see the outline of the trees separating the 
complex from the lake. She retrieved her cigarettes and lighter before opening 
the sliding glass door and stepping out onto the balcony. Misjudging where the 
chair was, Crystal ran into it, the metal legs scraping against the wooden deck.
"Huh? Whazzat?" Laura mumbled, picking her head off the pillow. Jenny's hand 
came up and gently pressed the dark head back down.
"Shh. I think Crystal is on the deck." Jenny's voice was clearer, having been 
awakened a few minutes before by the sound of the toilet flushing and the 
bedroom door opening. "You go back to sleep, Honey."
"Hmm? Wha time is it?"
"Time for you to relax. I'll go see if she's all right."
Laura mumbled something unintelligible and promptly fell back to sleep. Jenny 
waited for a minute then slowly slid out from between the covers.
Crystal turned her head at the sound of the door sliding open. "I didn't mean to 
wake you up."
"I'm a light sleeper," Jenny said as she stepped onto the deck and pulled out 
the empty chair. "So what gets you up at this hour?"
"I had to pee." She frowned as the therapist sat down and put her arms on the 
table between them.
"That's always a good reason." Hoo, hoo, hoo. "Sounds like we're not the only 
ones awake," Jenny observed. "Good evening, George." As if recognizing his name, 
the owl hooted a reply. "Whenever I was in a melancholy mood, I'd come out here 
and listen to him."
"You?" Crystal snorted with disbelief. "Come on, Doc. I can't see you being like 
that."
"Everyone has a rough day…or night," she added.
"I didn't say I had a rough night."
"You didn't have to," Jenny said. "I'm a therapist, remember?"
Crystal ran her fingers through her hair, straightening out the wild blonde 
locks. "I told you I'm not into deep chats."
"No, you like to keep everything bottled inside," Jenny challenged. "You know 
what the definition of insanity is? It's doing the same thing over and over and 
expecting different results."
Crystal bristled at the words. "And you think talking about is the answer. Patty 
told and she got the crap beat out of her. All of your therapy isn't going to 
change what happened." She roughly ripped a cigarette out of her pack and lit 
it, throwing the lighter down on the table.
"So you're just going to keep existing instead of living?" Jenny shook her head. 
"You're stronger than that."
"What would you know about it?" The orange glow of the cigarette grew, then 
dimmed behind gray ash. "You don't know what I went through, what Patty went 
through." Growling with frustration, she threw the cigarette over the rail. "Can 
you make the nightmares go away?"
"No," Jenny began.
"I knew it." She threw her hands in the air and stood up.
"Only you can make the nightmares go away, Crystal."
Her hand paused on the door handle. How? She leaned forward, pressing her 
forehead against the cool glass. "I've tried," she whispered, the words sounding 
strange to her own ears. "Sometimes…" Sometimes it hurts so much. "They won't go 
away."
Jenny rose and stepped behind her. "They will if you face them." The therapist's 
hand touched her shoulder and Crystal flinched involuntarily. "Don't let the 
past keep controlling your present."
"I…" The hand on her shoulder squeezed encouragingly. Crystal tried but couldn't 
remember the last time someone had been so gentle with her. Her heart pounded in 
her chest. "I don't know if I can."
"You may not know but I do," Jenny said softly. "It's scary to take that first 
step but believe me, it's the most important." Her hand, which had stilled, now 
began moving in small circles on Crystal's back.
"How can I talk about this with a stranger?" Crystal's body stiffened when 
Jenny's hand began moving, relaxing only slightly when the hand stopped and 
rested against her shoulder again.
"Start with baby steps. You don't have to take a giant leap. I can recommend 
several good therapists who specialize in childhood abuse issues." Crystal 
stiffened again and this time Jenny removed her hand.
Crystal turned around. "I thought that's what you did."
"I do but I don't think it would be appropriate for me to counsel you. You're 
Laura's roommate and she's my ex-lover."
"So?"
"There's a confidentiality that could be compromised in that situation and I 
won't take that chance. I don't want to have to worry about what Laura and I 
talk about and if you and I have both a social and a professional relationship, 
I don't want that line to accidentally blur."
"Oh." You tell me I need help and then you refuse to help me? Bullshit. You just 
don't want to deal with my fucked up life. Crystal grabbed the door handle. 
"Whatever. Don't worry about it."
"We can still be friends and if you ever need to talk…"
"That's what the therapist is for, right Doc?" She jerked the door open and 
stepped inside. "Night." She closed the door and blinds, leaving Jenny standing 
on the deck. A few seconds later Crystal heard the other sliding door open and 
close, followed by muffled voices, then silence. That's right, Doc. Go curl up 
with your girlfriend. You don't have to worry about me. She flopped on the bed, 
only then remembering that her cigarettes and lighter were sitting on the table 
outside. Fuck. Shutting the light off and rolling over, Crystal punched her 
pillow twice before settling down. Jenny's words played themselves over in her 
mind.
"If you ever need to talk…"
"I need to talk," she whispered into the darkness.
**************
skipping stuff
**************
Crystal pulled the cord, alerting the bus driver that she wanted to get off at 
the next stop. Looking at the paper torn from the phone book, she double-checked 
the address and stepped off the bus. The multi-story office building loomed just 
before her, the large stone numbers on the front confirming it was the right 
place. It was then that fear rose its ugly head. I can't do this. I can't tell 
her what happened. Realizing that she looked odd standing in front of the doors, 
Crystal turned and began walking up the street.
This is stupid, she thought as she moved further away from the building. What 
good would talking about what happened do anyway? She turned left at the corner, 
oblivious to her surroundings. Jenny can't make everything all better. She can't 
take away the pain. So what does she do for her patients? They wouldn't keep 
seeing her if she didn't do something to help them. Maybe talking does help. She 
replayed the late night conversation with Jenny over in her head, aimlessly 
turning corners and realizing with a start that she had simply walked around the 
block, ending up in front of the building she was so afraid to enter. Lighting a 
cigarette, Crystal paced nervously outside for several minutes before finally 
entering and going to the second floor.
The sign on the frosted glass quiet and discreet, J. Foster, CSW, CAC, Licensed 
Acupuncturist. I don't know. With great trepidation, Crystal pushed down on the 
handle and stepped inside.
"May I help you?" the receptionist asked kindly.
"Um, I have an appointment with Miss Foster at three o'clock." She looked 
nervously at the clock on the wall. Five minutes before three.
"You must be Miss Peaks," the receptionist said. "Have a seat. Miss Foster is 
running a bit late today." The redheaded woman picked up a clipboard with papers 
attached. "You can fill these out while you're waiting. We need your insurance 
information and some other vital data."
"I don't have insurance. I'm paying cash."
"Oh, that's fine. We have a sliding scale fee schedule. Make sure to fill out 
section three."
Crystal sat down in a chair and began filling out the form. She had used her 
stage name to secure the appointment but put Sheridan down on the form, knowing 
Jenny would recognize her instantly. She left the emergency contact information 
blank, painfully aware she had no one to list. No one cares if something happens 
to me, she thought sadly. She handed the clipboard to the receptionist and 
returned to her seat.
It was obvious from the reading material in the waiting room that Jenny's 
clients were all female. A small display on the table held brochures educating 
women how to do monthly breast exams. The magazines were all oriented toward 
women and several self-affirmation posters adorned the pink walls. Crystal 
picked up a copy of Lady Sports and was reading an article about a female 
basketball player when Jenny stepped into the room.
"Crystal?"
She tossed the magazine on the table and stood up, now more nervous than ever. 
"I…um…"
"Let's go into my office." Jenny opened the door and stood aside, her face 
revealing nothing of her mood..
Crystal entered the office to find it not at all what she expected. The desk was 
tucked neatly into a corner, facing the wall. An overstuffed leather couch 
facing a matching chair were the only other real pieces of furniture. Several 
brightly colored beanbags were scattered along with nearly a dozen throw 
pillows. On the wall were several diplomas, the name Jennifer T. Foster clearly 
visible.
"Have a seat wherever you'd like," Jenny said in a gentle tone. Crystal chose 
the recliner, pushing the beanbags away sitting up stiffly. The brown haired 
woman noticed and sat down on the couch. "Do you want some water or juice?"
"No." What am I doing here? She must think I'm a flake. I shouldn't have come. 
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here." She started to rise from the chair only 
to stop when she saw Jenny's raised hand.
"Wait. You might as well sit down. You still have forty-five minutes."
"Well…"
"Crystal, I told you I could recommend several good therapists but I…"
"I know what you said," she interrupted. "But…" She looked away, focusing on the 
bright green beanbag. "I can't do this with a stranger. I don't know if I can do 
it with you," she added in a voice just barely above a whisper. Her heart was 
beating faster and the urge to run was growing. "Maybe I should leave."
"You can't run forever, Crystal. There comes a point when it's harder to keep 
running than it is to stand up and face your demons." The therapist leaned 
forward, resting her forearms on her knees. "I can't take you on as a client. It 
wouldn't be fair to you."
Fair? The fear was overshadowed by her rapidly growing temper. "Fair? You want 
to talk about fair?" She forcefully sat back in the chair and hugged her knees 
to her chest. "I haven't had a fair day in my life since I was fucking born! 
Everyone I've known has fucked me over so why not you too? Do you think it's 
fair that he got away with all the shit he did? Do you think it's fair that he 
drove Patty away? Do you think it's fair that I get punished just because you 
and Laura like to play between the sheets?" She angrily kicked her legs out, 
blinking back stinging tears. "It's not fair." A lone tear slipped through and 
she turned away, this time staring at the red beanbag. "Dammit."
"You're right," Jenny said after a long silence. "What happened to you was not 
fair and it wasn't your fault." She treaded gently, aware of the stripper's 
vulnerable state. "I'm not trying to hurt or punish you in any way." She paused. 
"Trust is an important issue with my clients. Even the appearance of impropriety 
has to be avoided."
"If I wasn't living there, would you help me?"
"Of course. It's not that I don't want to help you, Crystal, I do."
"So I'm just fucked again," the stripper said dejectedly, slumping further into 
the chair as the fight drained out of her. "It's all right, Doc. No biggie."
"Let me get you the names of some very qualified…"
"Don't bother," Crystal said dismissively. "I knew I was stupid to think about 
doing this." She wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve and stood up to leave.
"No, not stupid," Jenny said, motioning for her to sit down. "Courageous." She 
set the clipboard aside. "It takes courage to heal." She paused, waiting for 
Crystal to look at her. "If I agreed to see you, there are certain rules that 
have to be made clear right from the start."
The stripper swallowed hard and nodded, her emotions too raw for her to trust 
speaking. She didn't want to do or say anything that would dash the tiny glimmer 
of hope.
"The most important thing is knowing that whatever is said in this room stays in 
this room," the therapist continued. "It's a safe place for you. Nothing you 
tell me will ever be repeated unless you threaten to harm yourself or others. 
You can cry, scream, yell all you want. The walls are insulated so no one in the 
waiting area can hear you."
"Okay, Doc." Like I'm going to cry or scream, she thought dubiously, frowning 
when she remembered that only minutes ago she was on the verge of breaking down.
"I have certain expectations as well."
Crystal inhaled deeply and readied herself to protest. Jenny stood up and walked 
over to the desk, opening a drawer and removing a small, thick book. At first 
Crystal thought it was a bible until she saw the flowers and birds on the cover.
"This is a daily meditation book. I expect you to read the appropriate passage 
each morning and again at night." Crystal took the offered book and opened it. 
Each page was labeled with the month and date, but no day.
"You want me to meditate?"
"I'm not talking chants and yoga," Jenny said. "Take ten to fifteen minutes in 
the morning to read and think about the day's topic."
Topic? Curious, Crystal looked closer. Each day focused on a different feeling 
or problem. Discouragement, self-worth, shame, guilt, and anger were the topics 
for the next five days. "Looks like real fun reading," she said sarcastically.
"It's not meant to be fun, it's meant to be thought-provoking. This isn't going 
to be easy, Crystal. If you want to change then you have to make some changes." 
The stripper continued to flip pages while Jenny continued. "Remember, insanity 
is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
"You like that phrase, don't you Doc?"
"I like many phrases. That happens to be one of my favorites." She leaned back 
on the couch and tucked her feet up beneath her.
"So how does this work? Do you ask me questions and I answer them or what? I've 
never done this before."
"You're not in the principal's office here, Crystal. We'll do it whatever way is 
comfortable for you, to a point."
"To a point?"
"Change is uncomfortable and scary. I'm not going to let that fear keep you from 
growing. I may push you from time to time but it's done only out of compassion 
and concern, not any desire to cause you pain." A slight smile curled her lips. 
"I get the feeling, Miss Sheridan, that you can be stubborn as hell when you 
want to be."
"And I get the feeling that you can be a pain in the ass when you want to be," 
Crystal countered with an equal smile. "Sometimes Patty would push me to do 
homework or something and I'd call her every name in the book. Wish I'd listened 
to her then."
"Your sister encouraged you to do your homework? Where was your mother?"
That question earned a derisive snort from the blonde. "My mother? Oh, you mean 
the lush that stayed in the bedroom all the time with her cable and doggie dew."
"Doggie dew?"
"Mad Dog twenty twenty and Mountain Dew. Nasty shit."
"It sounds it," Jenny agreed. "Did your father drink too?"
"Case after case of whatever was cheapest that week." Crystal heard the edge in 
her own voice and took a deep breath. "After Patty left, he started with the 
whiskey." And me, she added silently.
"Let's go back for a minute," Jenny said. "Help me make sure I have my facts 
straight. Your sister ran away when she was…?"
"Seventeen."
She nodded. "And you ran away when you were…"
"Fifteen and a half."
"What grade were you in?"
"Halfway through ninth grade. I should have been in tenth but I got held back a 
year."
"Did you ever go back?"
Crystal looked at the diplomas on the wall and shook her head. "I was too busy 
trying to live from day to day to worry about school." She studied the stitching 
on the chair, too ashamed to look at Jenny. "I didn't do good when I was there 
so why bother? I can read and write. I get by just fine."
"Is getting by all you want to do? Just make enough money to get from week to 
week with no future?"
"It's all I've got!" Crystal snapped. Don't you fucking get it? I'm nothing. "I 
take my clothes off for money because that's all I'm good for. I can't make 
better money somewhere else."
"Then you need to do whatever it takes to make that possible. You're what, 
twenty-four?"
"Twenty-five."
"Twenty-five. How many more years do you think you can keep stripping? How long 
before stripping won't be enough to pay the bills? What are you going to do 
then?"
Crystal gripped the arms of the recliner, her defenses kicking in to the 
challenge in Jenny's voice.
"Come on, Crystal. What things have you done for yourself that keep you from 
ending up just another statistic?" Jenny waited a few seconds for an answer, 
then continued. "All right, what changes are you going to make so you don't end 
up a statistic?"
"I don't know."
"Another rule, Miss Sheridan. I don't allow cop outs and I will call you on 
them. Let's try again. What changes are you going to make so you don't end up 
dead somewhere with a needle in your arm?"
"I'm too old to go back to school."
"Wrong. You can study at home for the equivalency test. Pass that and it holds 
the same weight as a high school diploma. You can even download research 
materials off the internet."
"I don't have a computer."
"They have them at the library," Jenny countered. "I don't allow excuses 
either."
"I didn't come here to be lectured into going back to school," Crystal said. 
What does that have to do with the fucking nightmares?
"So why did you come here?"
"What?" You know why I came here. Why are you pushing me like this?
Jenny repeated her question. "Why did you come here? What are you hoping to 
accomplish?"
"You know."
"Tell me."
"You know," Crystal repeated angrily.
"Say it."
"I want it to stop," she snapped, glaring at the therapist. "I want the 
nightmares to stop. I want the flashbacks to stop. I want the fucking pain to 
stop!"
"So what are you going to do to change that?" Jenny asked, nonplused by the 
outburst. "What changes are you going to make to make the pain stop?"
Crystal turned away, clenching her jaw and refusing to answer.
"I told you this wouldn't be easy," Jenny said. "No one else can do all the 
work. It's up to you to make the tough choices and change the way things are for 
yourself. You're not that lost fifteen year old anymore."
"Now I'm a lost twenty-five year old," Crystal muttered, still refusing to look 
at the therapist. "Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"No, I think that's what you're trying to tell me," Jenny said gently. "I think 
this is a good stopping point for today."
"But…" She looked at her watch. "I still have five minutes."
"Enough time for us to talk about some more of the rules."
"Oh yippee." Here it comes.
"I knew you'd like this part."
Crystal rolled her eyes and raised her eyebrow at the brown haired woman.
"First, no drinking or drugging before you meet with me. This is serious work 
and I won't waste my time with someone who can't be serious as well."
"Fine." I'll just make sure I schedule the appointments in the morning.
"Second, there's a proper and an improper way to deal with anger. I told you 
this room is a safe place and you can yell all you want, but…" The therapist 
raised her finger. "The only things you can throw or hit are the pillows." 
Crystal nodded in agreement. "And I don't just mean here," Jenny added. "At home 
too. Get yourself a beanbag or an overstuffed pillow."
"Fine, anything else?"
"Get a spiral notebook, a thick one. I want you to write in it each day."
"You want me to keep a diary?" Are you nuts? Write it down so someone can see 
it? She shook her head. "No way."
"Way. You write in it whenever you want but at least once a day."
"What about?"
"Whatever you want. How you're feeling, what's going on in your life, anything 
you feel like writing about." Jenny stood up and took the book from Crystal's 
hands. Finding the correct page, she handed it back. "You still have a few 
minutes left. Today's topic is self-worth. Read it now and again at bedtime. 
Read tomorrow's when you wake up and again in the middle of the day. Find 
yourself ten to fifteen minutes three times a day to read the meditations and 
think about them."
"And this is going to help, Doc?"
"Remember what I said about taking baby steps. Read the meditations three times 
a day for the next week and we'll talk about them." They walked to the door and 
Jenny rested her hand on the curved handle. "Usually my clients get hugs when 
they leave."
No way. Crystal backed up a step. "I'm not the hugging type."
Jenny put her hands up. "Okay. Just know that hugs are always allowed." She put 
her hand on the handle again. "One last thing. What I said out our personal and 
professional relationships, I meant it. We can talk about things in here but if 
you come to the softball games or I'm hanging around with Laura, we're just 
Jenny and Crystal, got it?"
"That mean you won't rag on me if I grab a few drinks after the game?"
"As long as you behave responsibly and don't drive or put yourself in dangerous 
situations." She opened the door. "I'll see you here next week."
Next week. She did it. Jenny had agreed to help her. She paused at the doorway. 
"Hey Doc?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks." Crystal forced a smile to her face. Inside she was both thrilled and 
scared. "I…I don't know if I can do this but I'll try. Just don't get too 
disappointed in me if I can't, okay?"
"Crystal…" Jenny's hand reached for her shoulder. "I told you this wouldn't be 
easy. I don't expect perfection and neither should you. What's important is that 
you learn from your mistakes and try again." She guided Crystal to the 
receptionist's desk. "Catherine, would you please schedule regular appointments 
for Miss Sheridan?"
**************
"In a hail of gunfire…" Laura furrowed her brow. "In a hail of gunfire…" Shaking 
her head, she pressed the backspace key repeatedly. "Sounds like something out 
of a forties gangster movie." Her back was beginning to ache from sitting in the 
same position so long but the deadline was too close for comfort. "Bullets fell 
like rain upon…no no no no." Sighing heavily, she deleted the sentence and 
stared at the screen. I hate writing action. Give me a good dialogue scene any 
day. "The police opened fire, drowning the terrorists with a hail of bullets." 
Yeah, that works. "Then what?" The cursor tauntingly blinked at her as the 
seconds passed. "Fine." She began typing. "The police opened fire…" Why would 
they open fire without knowing where the hostages were? She rubbed her face 
vigorously and blinked with disbelief when she saw the time on the screen. 
"Grrr." I can't believe it's so late. The pronounced yawn confirmed what her 
eyes told her. It was closer to morning than midnight and if the page count at 
the bottom of the screen was telling the truth, she had very little to show for 
her prolonged effort.
The seconds turned into minutes but no more words appeared on the computer 
screen. The writer's block that had plagued her for the last several weeks was 
rearing its head once again. Frustrated, Laura pushed away from the keyboard and 
leaned her head back, seeing only the ceiling. "All right, let's think about 
this," she said aloud, as if hearing the words would help bring things into 
focus. "The hostages are in the subbasement but the police don't know that. So 
where do the police think they are when the gunmen come out shooting?" Do they 
even need to be at the warehouse? If they're not there, where do I put them? Do 
I even need hostages? Why are they robbing the bank in the first place?
"Oooh, I hate this!" Sitting up in her seat, Laura moved herself in front of the 
keyboard again. The pressure to get the scene done and finish the required 
chapter on time was doing nothing to help her creativity. All right, just let me 
think for a minute. To her surprise, the front door closed, announcing Crystal 
was home from work. She listened as the refrigerator door was opened, then shut 
again, reminding Laura she meant to speak to her roommate about using the last 
of the milk and not marking it on the grocery pad. Heavy footed steps ascended 
the stairs, pausing at the landing.
"I'm awake," she called, wondering what caused Crystal to stop instead of 
heading straight to her room.
"You're up late." the voice on the other side of the door answered.
"Deadlines will do that to me." She rubbed her eyes and leaned back. "How was 
work?"
"It was work. Night."
"Night." What's wrong? The defeated tone in Crystal's voice concerned her. Laura 
opened the blinds and slid the door open, leaving the screen in place. Just in 
case she wants to talk, the writer told herself.
Several minutes passed and Laura had all but given up when she heard the glass 
door slide open and Crystal step out. I knew something was wrong. Shutting off 
the computer, she walked out onto the balcony. The orange glow of the cigarette 
was the only light in the near pitch darkness on Crystal's side. Goosebumps 
sprang up Laura's arm as a cool gust of wind blew by. "Brrr, I didn't realize it 
was so cool out here tonight."
"Uh huh."
"You up for company?"
"I'm not much company tonight," Crystal said dejectedly.
"That's all right, I'm not much either." She pulled out a chair and sat down, 
groaning as she did so. "I just can't take looking at that screen anymore."
"Screen?" The stripper looked at the sliding door. "What's wrong with the 
screen?"
You think I mean… She forced herself not to smirk at Crystal's confusion. "Not 
that screen. The computer screen. I'm battling writer's block."
"Oh."
Laura watched as the head of the cigarette flared, then dimmed as her roommate 
took a drag. You weren't kidding about not being in the mood to talk. While 
debating about trying to strike up conversation again, she was surprised when 
Crystal spoke.
"Can you go on the internet with that thing?"
"At fifty-six K when everyone in town isn't online," she said proudly.
"Uh huh."
You don't have a clue what I'm talking about, do you? "So yes, you can go on the 
internet with it. Why, are you in the mood to go surfing?"
"Surfing?"
"Searching around, looking at the different sites." Laura mentally chastised 
herself for not thinking. "Looking for something specific?"
"Um, no…do you have to pay to use it?"
"I pay a monthly fee and have unlimited access." Well now. It was the first time 
Crystal had shown an interest in anything she liked. Laura sat up and rested her 
arms on the table, her eyes adjusting enough to the darkness to see the outline 
of Crystal's face. Think I'll pick up some table candles next time I go 
shopping. "You can use it if you want, just don't download anything."
"Naw, I was just curious. I don't know how to use one anyway."
"Well, you have to learn sometime. Why not now?"
"I don't know," Crystal said hesitantly. "It's late and you're probably tired."
"If I go to bed now, I'll grind my teeth all night. Really, I'm wide awake."
"Maybe you could just show me and I could go to the library and use theirs." 
Crystal stubbed her cigarette out in the ashtray and stood up. "I won't be 
interfering with your writing or anything, will I?"
"Hardly," Laura snorted. "I'm lucky if I got two paragraphs done tonight." She 
rose and opened the screen door. "Come on, it'll be fun."
Once inside, Laura tugged her foot locker over to the computer desk and sat on 
it. "Help yourself," she said, gesturing at the chair.
"I don't know anything about this," Crystal said as she looked over large 
monitor, tower and printer. "This is the mouse, right?"
"Yeah, it's set for lefties, though. You press the right button to click on 
something."
"Is it supposed to be on the other side for right handed people?" She gingerly 
moved the mouse over the smooth surface of the mousepad. Her hazel eyes widened 
as she watched the pointer on the screen mimic her movements. "I dunno. Seems 
just as easy to use it on this side."
"It is. It's just how you're taught, I guess. My mom is left handed too and she 
always made sure to accommodate me in that regard. Let's get online and I'll 
show you how to search the net." Lifting up slightly, Laura reached between her 
legs and grabbed the handle of the footlocker and tugged it closer to Crystal's 
chair. "See that yellow globe near the top of the screen? Click on that."
"So I move the pointer thing up there…and click this button?"
"Yes, you have to double-click it." Watching the cursor move drunkenly about the 
screen, Laura tried hard not to smirk. It took Crystal three clicks to open the 
program.
"What did I do?" the stripper asked nervously when windows and programs began 
opening by themselves. This time Laura couldn't contain her mirth.
"Nothing. I have it set to open all the necessary programs when I log in."
"You could have warned me," Crystal said with a non-threatening glare.
"I could have," she admitted. "But it was more fun to watch you jump out of your 
seat." She reached over and took control of the mouse. "See this button here?" 
One click and the screen changed. "Okay, type whatever you're looking for in the 
box." Laura sat back and waited for her roommate to type in the information.
Crystal poked at the keys with her index fingers. "Damn. How do you erase on 
this thing?"
"Use the backspace key, top right side just below the F12 key."
"Where? I don't see anything marked backspace."
"Oh, the lettering wore off." She leaned over to point out the key. "I use 
backspace and delete often."
"Make a lot of mistakes?"
"I prefer not to think of it as making mistakes so much as refining," Laura 
said, feeling more relaxed with her roommate. "Actually I tend to rewrite a 
scene several times before being satisfied with it."
"Sounds like a lot of work," Crystal said, her eyes darting over the keyboard in 
search of the proper letter.
"It is," she said, pointing out the location of the N key. "But it's also a 
great deal of fun."
"What kind of stories do you write?"
"Mostly mysteries and thrillers, but I've been known to do the occasional short 
story for magazines when money gets tight." Which is most of the time, she 
silently added.
"Okay, now what?"
Laura looked at the search words. "New York State Board of Education? What 
exactly are you looking for?"
"Just looking," Crystal said, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. 
"Someone said I might be able to get some information about something."
Oh yeah, that's real clear. "Well perhaps if you told me what you were looking 
for, specifically, I might be able to narrow your search down."
"Someone told me I could find out how to get a GED without having to go back to 
school." Suddenly Crystal found an intense interest in her cuticles. "They said 
there was a way to study for the test on the computer."
"Hmm, I'm sure there is." Duh, makes sense. How old was she when she ran away? 
"There might even be study guides that you can print out. I have plenty of ink 
and paper," she offered. "Um…can I ask you something?"
Crystal shrugged. "I guess."
"When you ran away, how did you manage to survive? You would have needed working 
papers in order to get a job anywhere and then of course there's always the 
worry about the truant officer."
The younger woman hesitated before answering and when she did, it was while 
deliberately looking anywhere but at Laura. "You really want to know the answer 
to that?"
What would Jenny say? "Um, if you feel like telling me." Good…nice safe answer, 
Laura told herself.
"Let's just say some jobs don't require working papers or ID."
"Oh." The writer shifted uncomfortably and now it was she that was unable to 
maintain any eye contact. She did say stripping was a step up. "I see, well…um…" 
Shaking her head, Laura quietly admitted, "I don't know what to say."
"Nothing to say anyway," Crystal shrugged. "I did what I had to do." She wiggled 
the mouse. "So what next?"
It took Laura a second to shift mental gears and turn her attention to the 
information on the screen. "Put the pointer over Search and click it." She 
looked at the top matches and shook her head. "You'll have to scroll down."
"In English?"
She smiled at the error, pleased to see a like one on Crystal's face. "Sorry. I 
keep forgetting. It's just part of my vocabulary. I'm not used to people not 
knowing what I'm talking about." She explained how to navigate around the 
screen, finding to her surprise that Crystal was a quick study and she rarely 
needed to explain things more than once. Within minutes they found a site 
offering a self paced study program. "This is perfect," she said. "Look at 
this." Excited by the discovery, Laura thought nothing of leaning in and taking 
control of the mouse. "You can work on each topic until you're ready and then 
take a self-test at the end. That'll make it easy. Here." She clicked on a link. 
"Look at all the modules available."
Crystal's eyes widened. "I'll never be able to learn all that."
"Of course you can. It's not as hard as it looks."
"Easy for you to say. You have a college degree. I didn't make it through the 
ninth grade."
"Hey, I wasn't born with that degree, you know. I had to learn everything too." 
She clicked the mouse again. "You don't have to learn everything all at once. 
Try doing one of the modules. What subjects were you good at?"
"I dunno. I didn't really ever pay that much attention to school." Crystal 
shrugged in the now familiar gesture. "I'm surprised I only failed one grade." 
She pushed the chair back, propping her left ankle on her right knee. "I'm not 
stupid or anything, it's just that studying and homework weren't that important 
to me then." She interlaced her fingers and rested them on her lap. "I bet you 
were the honor student. Got straight A's and all that."
"Well, mostly A's," Laura admitted.
"uh huh." Crystal said knowingly. "Where'd you go, Harvard or Yale?"
"Neither," she replied. "I was supposed to go to West Point but ended up going 
to Colgate."
"West Point? Oh, that's right. You're an Army brat. So why didn't you go there?"
"It's a long story." Seeing the expectant look on Crystal's face, Laura jerked 
her chin in the direction of the balcony. "Let's go out there. It'll be more 
comfortable."
Part 4
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L



"So what happened?" Crystal asked once they were settled on the balcony.
"All right. Now you have to understand that the military isn't the same as 
civilian life. Things aren't handled quite the same way." Laura was grateful for 
the shroud of darkness, making it easier for her to tell her story. "Appearance 
is everything and rumors move through the ranks quicker than you can imagine. I 
was a senior in high school and my father had just been stationed at West Point 
about four months before. In the fall they have a formal dance during Homecoming 
Weekend. My father arranged for me to go with a fourth year cadet named Eugene 
Watkins."
"Eugene?" Crystal snorted and reached for her cigarettes. "Why would anyone 
saddle a kid with a name like that?"
"Probably because he was Eugene Watkins the third, grandson of General Eugene 
Watkins and son of the late Captain Eugene Watkins."
"Still a rotten reason to name your kid Eugene."
"Anyway, Cadet Watkins' ego was only overshadowed by his hormones, especially 
after having sneaked several sips of whatever liquor he was hiding in his 
jacket. After spending most of the evening talking about himself, Mister 
Personality thought he was entitled to more than a few formal dances."
"You mean he tried…?"
"Oh yes, he most certainly tried," Laura said. "We took a walk on the grounds 
and he did his best to cop a feel. I pushed away from him and began walking 
back, willing to chalk it up to a bad date with a creep but he refused to give 
up that easily. He pushed me up against a tree and tried to get his hand under 
my dress. That's when I screamed and kneed him."
"Good, the bastard deserved it," Crystal said, taking a long drag on her 
cigarette. "You should have kicked him in the balls."
"I wish I had thought of it at the time," Laura admitted. "Kneeing him wasn't 
enough to get him off of me. He pushed me down on the ground and began pawing at 
me. Another cadet heard my screams and ran over. If he hadn't been walking 
around, well…we were pretty far away from the rest of the party."
"I suppose because he was the General's grandson he got away with it, right?"
Laura sighed and rested her foot on her opposite knee. "It's not that simple. 
The Academy is very strict on enforcing the Honor Code."
"So what happened?"
"I was pretty upset by the time the cadet brought me inside. We came in the 
front door and standing right there was my father, General Watkins, and a few 
other senior officers. Imagine how it looked. There I was, my dress torn in the 
front with mud and grass stains on the back. My father took me into a private 
room and I told him what happened. He left and came back a few minutes later to 
take me home." Looking up at the twinkling stars, Laura let the emotional 
evening relive itself in her mind. "My father never lied to me, I'll give him 
that. He told me up front that it was my word against Eugene's and of course you 
know what his story was."
"That you wanted it," the stripper guessed.
"He said I allowed him to feel me up and when he refused my demands for more 
that I began screaming."
"Of course," Crystal snorted.
"Dad also told me that General Watkins reminded him that Eugene's father died a 
hero in Lebanon when Eugene was still in high school." She shook her head, 
absently identifying the various constellations floating above. "All it would 
have taken was one call from the General and Dad would have found himself 
shipped off to Anchorage or even worse."
"So your father made you drop the charges?"
Laura nodded. "There wasn't really much choice. If I pressed a complaint, it 
would have brought the media down on the academy, General Watkins, and him. Look 
at what they do to the Kennedys. Imagine if the grandson of a general and son of 
a war hero was charged with attempted rape?" Resting her elbows on the arms of 
the chair, she interlaced her fingers. "Dad and the General worked something out 
behind closed doors. He never told me what happened, only that it was over and I 
should forget about it. I heard from one of the other cadets that Eugene lost 
his rank as Battalion Commander and was confined to the grounds but was still 
allowed to graduate."
"Oh big punishment," Crystal scoffed.
"Actually losing your commission at the academy is a huge black mark. He'll 
never be on the fast track up the chain of command now. Plus I don't think he'll 
ever think about touching a girl like that again."
"Why not? He got away with it once, what's to stop him?"
"The other cadets. About a week after the incident, a group of cadets caught 
Eugene in the shower and I guess they beat him up pretty good. He spent a couple 
of days in the infirmary but never revealed who was involved."
"Serves him right. I hope they made it so he couldn't use it again."
"Well I don't think they went that far," Laura said, picking up on the anger in 
the smoke-roughened voice. "I think my father knew who did it but he never told 
me."
"Were you mad at him for not defending you?"
Was I mad at him? She stared up at the stars again. "At the time I was furious 
with him because I thought he wasn't on my side. I blamed the Army for him 
caving in to the General. That's why I accepted a scholarship to Colgate. It 
wasn't until I was an adult that I realized why he did things the way he did."
"I don't get it," Crystal said.
"Jenny told me once that sometimes the only way to win is to compromise. That's 
what Dad had to do with General Watkins. He may not have gotten Eugene thrown 
out of the academy but he made sure that his career was all but ruined. Every 
time he's up for a promotion, he'll be questioned about that incident. With all 
the fear about sexual harassment and officers taking advantage of female 
recruits, I don't think he'll ever see a command position."
"And you consider that a win?"
"Yes I do. You don't have to chop a man's hands off just because he steals a 
loaf of bread. Eugene will still be able to have a career in the Army, it just 
won't be a cushy one."
"I still think he got off easy," Crystal groused. "They always do. Just 'cause a 
guy has money or power he can get away with anything." A cigarette was lit. "Ah, 
who's kidding. Even the drunken slobs think they can get away with copping a 
feel whenever they want it."
Laura again wished for a table candle so she could see the expression that went 
with the hard tone. "Something happen at work tonight?"
"Nothing that hasn't happened before," the stripper said with a resigned sigh. 
"Just a job hazard. Some asshole decided to wait outside the side exit for me to 
come out. I would have been fine if Rick was where he was supposed to be and not 
still in the hallway shooting the shit with one of the bouncers."
Alarmed, Laura sat up straight. "Did he hurt you? Why didn't you say anything 
before?"
"I'm fine. I've worked long enough to know how to handle myself with a stupid 
drunk," she said dismissively.
"But it still bothers you." Laura tried to stifle a yawn but failed. "I'm 
getting too old for these late nights. The sun will be up in a couple of hours." 
She waited for a reply and got none. "Well, I suppose it's time to…"
"Can you use your computer to find people?" Crystal asked.
"Um…yes, there's places online where you can search for people." I should be 
used to the way you suddenly change topics, Laura thought to herself. "You 
thinking of looking for your sister?"
"I dunno, maybe."
"Well, you're welcome to use the computer to try and find her if you want." 
Forget the candle, I'm buying one of those battery operated lanterns. The 
seconds ticked by before she received a noncommittal grunt from the blonde. "You 
know there are companies that will look for people for a fee."
"I know. Three years ago I spent over five hundred dollars looking for her. I 
didn't know her social security number so there wasn't much they could do." 
Laura heard the scraping of the chair legs against the wood as Crystal stood up. 
"I'd just be wasting my money again." Crystal lightly knocked on the table. "I'm 
tired. Night."
Laura sat there for few minutes after the door shut, listening to the sounds of 
night. Thinking of her own childhood, she tried to remember what her life was 
like at fifteen. Images of bicycles, long bull sessions on the telephone, music 
videos and hanging out at the mall filled her mind. How could she have survived? 
At fifteen I never would have been able to make it on my own. She shuddered to 
think what Crystal went through and found herself thinking about her roommate 
with a new respect. With a yawn, she stood up and went inside.
The computer beckoned her but the bed beckoned more. After removing her clothes, 
she folded them neatly and put them in the hamper. Avocado silk pajamas were 
donned and the corner of the blanket neatly turned down before she turned out 
the light and slipped into bed.
*******************
Laura smiled and clicked on the save button. Awake only two hours, already she 
had managed to get four full pages done. So focused on her writing, she missed 
the first two rings of the phone. "Not now," she sighed, pushing her wheeled 
chair over to the edge of the bed and picked the phone up off the nightstand. 
"Hello?"
"Are you speaking to me?"
"Peter?" She used her feet to push her way back to the computer. "Where have you 
been?"
"Now Laura, just hear me out okay? I know you might be a bit miffed at me…"
"Miffed?" She put her foot on the edge of her desk and crossed the other one 
over it. "I think miffed is a rather mild word for it, don't you? Did you know 
she was the stripper from the Tom Cat Club?"
"Well err um…"
"Peter, your ears are turning red. Don't lie to me, I know you too well."
"Laura, when she came into my office it just seemed like divine intervention. 
You know it's been a while."
"I do not need you to arrange sexual liaisons for me."
"I'll make it up to you, I swear," he said, his high-pitched voice going even 
higher. "I found her another place. A one bedroom at the other end of the 
complex. I'll even make the rent the same as what she's paying now."
"You found her…" Laura hesitated. Wasn't this what she had wanted? She couldn't 
live with a booze swilling, pot smoking, foul mouthed stripper, could she? This 
was the out she had been looking for, wasn't it?
"Laura?"
"Yeah, I'm still here, Peter. So you found another apartment?"
"It's over near the dumpsters and there's only one bathroom but it should be 
more than enough for her. I took one seventy-five off the rent. I can use the 
older appliances and the fact that it hasn't been rented in four months as an 
excuse to the head office. It'll be perfect, Laura. I promise she'll like it and 
move out," he said encouragingly. "The carpets have all been cleaned and she 
could move in as early as this weekend."
"Um…" Oh damn, what am I thinking? "Peter? Do me a favor and don't mention this 
to Crystal, okay?"
Stunned silence filled the phone line. "Did I hear you correctly? You don't want 
her to move out?"
"Well…look, you said that apartment hasn't been rented in four months, right?"
"Right. People want new rugs and appliances and that unit isn't due for 
replacements until next year."
"So if things change and the apartment is still open, she could have it at the 
same price, right?"
"I suppose but I can't hold it. If I can get a tenant in there, I will."
"I understand," she said, feeling more confident that she had made the right 
decision. "I think things might just work out here after all."
"Oh really?" he said, drawing out the last word. "Is your bed actually seeing 
something other than solo action?"
"Peter Knight, you stop that," she chastised. "Crystal is straight and I'm not 
interested in straight women. It's just that…well, we're getting along, that's 
all."
"Getting along really well, I'm sure."
"Peter!"
"All right, all right. Are you really sure about this?"
Am I? She took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I'm sure."
"And you're not mad at me anymore?"
"I'm not mad at you anymore. So how are things with you and Michael?"
"The usual. He's being a screaming bitch about one thing or another. It's really 
rather annoying." Laura heard a tsking sound through the phone. "He really just 
doesn't know when to let something go."
"What did you do this time? Or should I say who?"
"I didn't do anything this time. He just thinks I did."
"Not like he's ever been given any reason to doubt your word, Peter."
"Of course not. Well, not lately."
"Exactly," she said. "So now that I'm not mad at you anymore, when are you and 
Michael coming over for dinner?"
"How about tonight? He's complaining he doesn't get out enough."
"Is it your night to cook too?"
"Well…"
Laughing, Laura shook her head and smiled. "Fine. I don't think Crystal has to 
leave for work until seven or so. Let's make dinner around five thirty."
"Wonderful. Michael will have someone new to complain to about me."
"Are you dieting again?"
"Oh heavens, please. With these thighs? No fettuccine alfredo for me."
"All right. How about lemon chicken?"
"Do you want us to bring anything? Michael just learned how to make this killer 
spinach soufflé."
"Sounds delicious."
"Splendid. He says I don't appreciate his cooking enough. Casual or 
semi-formal?"
"Casual please. It's dinner, Peter, not a dinner party."
"Casual it is then. We'll see you and Miss Big Tits around five then."
"Peter, don't you even think of commenting on them around her," she said, 
knowing all too well that her friend had a habit of pointing out people's 
prominent features in sometimes less than flattering ways. "She's a bit 
sensitive."
"Can I help it if she looks like a young Dolly Parton?"
"Peter!"
"All right, all right. No talking about her built in life preservers."
Laura shook her head. "Goodbye Peter."
"Bye."
She hung up the phone and turned her attention back to her writing. It was only 
a few minutes later that she heard Crystal exit her own room and enter the 
bathroom. The door shut followed by the telltale click of the lock. Shower time, 
she guessed, confirmed a minute later by the sound of water running. Deciding 
she could afford to take a short break, Laura donned her robe and headed 
downstairs.
The high pitched whine of the hair dryer drowned out all other sound in the 
modest bathroom. Crystal watched her reflection in the mirror while using the 
dryer and brush to get her blonde hair to do something other than lay limply 
against her head and neck. I need a haircut, she thought as one long lock 
refused to go where it belonged. A pleasant smell wafted beneath the door. Mmm, 
wonder what she's cooking? Smells good. She gave her hair a few final strokes 
with the brush before turning the dryer off and unplugging it. The middle drawer 
of the vanity had been reserved her for belongings and she quickly learned that 
it included her dryer and curling iron. She dressed in comfortable shorts and a 
sleeveless shirt, expecting to spend the remainder of the day relaxing before 
going to work at the club that evening. Slipping her feet into her sandals, she 
tossed her towel over the shower rod and left the bathroom.
She found Laura in the kitchen removing a tray of crescent rolls from the oven. 
"Morning."
"Good morning," the writer replied, carefully setting the hot tray on top of the 
cooling rack. "Actually it's about ten minutes after noontime so good 
afternoon." She moved the rolls onto a plate. "Inside or out?"
Crystal looked out the sliding glass doors to see an overcast sky. "Inside is 
good."
"I picked up a pint of fresh blueberries yesterday if you want to have some with 
your cereal," Laura said as she carried the plate of rolls to the table. "Unless 
you'd like to share a grapefruit with me?"
Grapefruit? Ugh. "Thanks but I'll stick to my high sugar cereal." She crossed 
the room and opened the refrigerator, retrieving both the milk and blueberries. 
"Can you give me a ride over to Dunphy's later so I can pick up my car? It's 
supposed to be ready."
"Sure. I have to go to the market anyway to pick up some things for dinner. 
Peter and Michael are coming over tonight."
"The guy that rented me the place?"
"And his current boyfriend," Laura said while slicing her grapefruit in half.
Crystal filled a bowl with cereal and headed for the table. "What time are they 
coming over?"
"Around five. I figured we'd have dinner around five thirty so you'd have time 
to get ready for work afterwards."
Surprised by the thoughtfulness, Crystal could only stammer out a reply. 
"Th-that sounds fine. Is Jenny coming?"
"No. On Fridays she has group sessions until nine. She'll be at the game 
tomorrow."
"Oh, so it's just the four of us?"
"Yes. I thought it would be nice for you to get a chance to meet the boys. Peter 
is a sweetheart." She spooned a wedge of grapefruit into her mouth. "And Michael 
will remind you a big teddy bear. He's as gentle as they come but I swear he 
could bench press a refrigerator."
"Sounds like an odd couple."
"They are," Laura laughed. "Well, you've seen Peter. I think he's about five six 
or so and maybe one fifty on a good day." Crystal nodded in agreement. "Michael 
is at least six feet and close to three hundred pounds." Another piece of 
grapefruit disappeared into the writer's mouth. "He's a handyman. He put the 
shelves in the linen cabinet and in the closet in your room."
"Does he have a brother who's a mechanic?" She pushed the flakes around in the 
milk. "I can't believe it came to over three hundred dollars to fix it this 
time. I just put two fifty in less than three months ago."
"I think his brother is a priest."
"Even better. He could give it last rights." She smiled when Laura laughed but 
inside she was worried. The repairs were becoming more frequent and more 
expensive. She knew it wouldn't be long before it would be time to look for 
another car but money only stretched so far and moving took everything she had 
and then some. Her final bills had arrived for the utilities at the old 
apartment and there simply was just no money left to put down on another car. 
She slowly chewed a mouthful of cereal. What am I going to do? It wouldn't be 
long before Laura would be asking for her half of the current bills. It was 
going to be a race as it was to make sure the rent money was in on time. Figures 
payday is two days later.
"So when do you want to go pick up your car?"
"Oh." Laura's question pulled her from her thoughts. "I guess anytime after we 
eat. Whenever you're ready."
"We can go in about an hour or so. I have to take a shower and get dressed 
first. I don't think they'd appreciate me walking through the bread isle in my 
pajamas."
"Someone would like it, I'm sure," she said, using her spoon to chase a berry 
around in the milk. Catching it, she triumphantly brought it to her mouth. 
"These are good. You should have some."
"I was thinking of making some homemade muffins for dessert tonight."
"Ooh." Crystal smiled and nodded enthusiastically, her mouth watering at the 
mere thought. "I love blueberry muffins."
"Then blueberry muffins for dessert it is."
"Great." Pushing her empty bowl away, she reached for her coffee. "So what's for 
dinner?"
"Lemon chicken with rice pilaf and spinach soufflé."
"Sounds…interesting." She looked up to see Laura's hazel eyes smiling back at 
her.
"Healthy food won't kill you."
"That's what you think. My stomach wouldn't recognize it." She leaned back in 
her chair, no longer feeling the urge to rush away from the table once the meal 
was finished. Laura gave her every indication that she was welcome to sit and 
visit. "Can I ask you something without you thinking I'm stupid?"
"Crystal, you can ask me anything and I don't think you're stupid."
"What's spinach soufflé?"
"Have you ever had spinach?"
"Once in a while at a diner but I never cared for it. It was usually cold by the 
time I go to it."
"Well…when it's soufflé is baked in a way that makes it light and airy. It's 
really very good." Laura paused. "Michael is bringing it."
The one that can bench press a fridge. "Oh. I guess it won't kill me to try it."
"I'll try to put a small amount on your plate."
"Do you want help with dinner?"
"No, I'll handle it. You can keep the boys entertained."
Crystal watched the smirk form on Laura's face and immediately became wary. 
"Why? What aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing. You'll love the boys." The smirk grew wider.
"Laura." She tapped her nails repeatedly on the table for emphasis, secretly 
enjoying the friendly banter. It reminded her of early mornings with her sister. 
"Tell me or I'll hide the vacuum cleaner."
"Hide it? You have to find it first. Do you even know where I keep it?"
Whoops, big mistake. Realizing she'd been caught, she gave her roommate a 
sheepish grin. "I was going to get to it but you keep the place so clean that I 
didn't see any point."
"Uh huh."
"You don't believe me, do you?"
"Not a bit," Laura replied with a smile.
"All right. I'm not Susie Homemaker. I just don't think of things like vacuuming 
or sweeping or stuff like that." No one taught me it and it never seemed to 
matter. Not like that asshole noticed if the place was clean or not. With 
memories of her past flooding in, Crystal felt the familiar weight settle upon 
her shoulders. She looked down at the table. Lost in her own thoughts, she 
didn't hear Laura's voice the first time. "What?"
"I said you're getting better."
"Bullshit. You're right. I have no idea where you keep the vacuum or broom or 
mop or whatever else you need to clean up." Almost two weeks and I haven't even 
thought about helping her clean the place. "I need a cigarette." Standing up, 
she quickly crossed the room and opened the door to step onto the deck. Fuck.
The balcony above provided shade from the midday sun as she leaned the back of 
her head against the wooden clapboards. I can't believe I didn't know where they 
were. She thought back to her parent's trailer. She knew damn well where the 
broom was kept in that place. It had been used on her enough times when her 
mother was in a drunken rage. A firm hand gripped her shoulder and Crystal 
jumped.
"Sorry," Laura said as she stepped fully onto the deck. "I didn't mean to 
startle you."
"It's all right. I just um…" Do I dare tell her more? "It's nothing. Never 
mind." She tried to turn away but found herself unable to resist the gentle 
pressure of her new friend's hands.
"Crystal, let's sit down and talk for a minute."
Is this going to be good or bad? she wondered, reluctantly taking her seat. I 
know I'll need a cigarette for this. She lit one and waited for Laura to start.
"I mean what I said in there. You are doing better about helping keep the place 
clean."
She looked up at Laura. "How?"
"For one, I don't walk into the bathroom to find the towel on the floor and 
water all around the sink. You aren't leaving your dishes lying around. I find 
them either in the sink or in the dishwasher. I'd call that an improvement."
"So where do you keep the vacuum and broom?"
"The broom and ironing board are in the little cabinet near the washing machine. 
The vacuum is in the closet near the stairs."
"Oh."
"Let's make a deal, okay? I have a certain way of doing things. That includes 
cleaning. Let's be honest here, Crystal. You won't clean the way I do and I'd 
only end up doing it over." Laura leaned back in her chair. "Just pick up after 
yourself and I'll take care of the general cleaning."
Great, now she thinks I'm a hopeless slob. "Look, if you showed me how you 
wanted it done…" she began.
"Really, don't worry about it. I'm a bit neurotic about keeping the place clean, 
I know that. My father was big on everything being neat and orderly."
"What happened if it wasn't?" Crystal asked.
Laura leaned forward, resting her forearms against the table. "One time I was in 
a rush to go to the mall with my friends and did a sloppy job with making my bed 
before I left."
"What happened?"
"He did just what a drill sargent would do. He flipped my mattress. 
Unfortunately, when he did that he found something I never wanted him to find." 
Her face took on a look that Crystal couldn't remember seeing there 
before…shame. Laura took a deep breath and continued. "He found some magazines."
"You had porno mags under your bed?"
"Three. Nothing hardcore. Just the ones you can get at the grocery store." The 
dark haired woman's face blushed slightly at the admission. "I was curious."
"So that's why you're a neat freak? Because your father found your girlie mags?"
"I would have preferred a better way of coming out to him than having him find 
those."
"Did he flip?" she asked, knowing her father would have beaten her senseless for 
something like that.
"Flip is a mild word," Laura said. "He sent Bobby to a friend's house and was 
waiting with Mom when I got home."
"Oh boy."
"He wasn't pleased. I hadn't even done anything yet. Like I said, I was just 
curious." Laura's face took on a faraway look. "I had to sit there for almost 
two hours having a talk about sex with my parents."
"Oh man, that had to be awful."
"Yeah, Mom talking about standing and image while Dad paced around the room 
asking me over and over if it had anything to do with that incident at West 
Point." She shook her head. "Apparently he was of the school that all lesbians 
are that way because they've had bad experiences with men. They convinced 
themselves that it was just a phase I was going through until I moved in with 
Lisa."
"Was she your first, um…"
"Lover?" Laura offered. "Yes. We lived together for about two months after 
graduation. After that the romance disappeared and she found me impossible to 
live with. Of course by then there was no denying it to my parents anymore. I 
think by then they'd accepted it." She leaned back in her chair. "So maybe 
that's part of why I'm so careful about everything being neat and orderly. Every 
once in a while Jenny will pull her therapist act on me and she says that's part 
of it." She turned her head to look at Crystal's watch. "What time is it?"
"Heading for one thirty."
"We'd better get going if we're going to get to the garage and the store and 
back before the boys get here."
"Oh. Yeah." Secretly Crystal breathed a sigh of relief that the conversation was 
over. Laura's recounting triggered memories that she'd rather not have had 
return. Stubbing the cigarette out in the ashtray, she followed Laura inside. To 
her surprise, the table had been cleared. When did you have time… She then 
remembered that Laura had not followed her outside immediately. Can't let it go 
for even a minute, can you? she silently asked as she watched Laura head up the 
stairs. She walked over to the phone and called the garage to make sure her car 
was ready before going up to her own room to get her wallet and sneakers. Maybe 
we can stop at the ice cream place on Wilson.
*********************
Crystal leaned her elbow against the counter, resting her chin against her hand. 
"I would never have the patience for that."
Laura glanced up from her task, sprinkling seasoning over the chicken breasts. 
"It's easy enough to follow the recipe."
"Too many steps," she said, shifting so both forearms rested on the counter. "I 
prefer the open 'em up, toss 'em in the nuker and go kinda dinners."
"So I've seen." Laura placed the pan in the oven. "My freezer never saw a TV 
dinner before you moved in. Your stomach must be made of cast iron."
"I'm used to it. I grew up with TV dinners and frozen pizza."
Laura paused in her wiping of the counter. "You ate that a lot, huh?"
How did we get back to talking about me again? She shrugged. "I guess. Whenever 
we weren't having macaroni and cheese from a box, that is." Her eyes fell on the 
open recipe book. Reaching out, she pulled the book closer. "You know, I've seen 
these on television and at friend's houses but I don't think my mother ever had 
one." She flipped the page.
"You never cooked something nice for yourself?"
"It was cheaper to buy the pre-made stuff than to buy all the ingredients and 
make it from scratch." She was saved from further conversation by the doorbell.
"That'll be the boys," Laura said, folding the dishrag and draping it neatly 
over the faucet.
"I'll get it." Crystal went to the door and looked out the peephole, seeing only 
the distorted image of the man who rented her the apartment.
"Miss Sheridan!" the balding redhead exclaimed as the door was opened. Before 
she could react Crystal found herself caught in an enthusiastic hug. Peter 
stepped back, his hands gently squeezing her upper arms. "It's so good to see 
you again."
"Um, hi." Surprised by the greeting, it took all of her willpower not to jerk 
back out of his grasp. She forced a polite smile to her face and subtly stepped 
out of reach. She turned toward the open doorway and received another shock when 
she saw the hulking behemoth of a man standing before her. His bulky chest and 
bulging biceps strained the neatly pressed white shirt. Short blond hair refused 
to be tamed, cowlicks spiking up on both the back and sides. His rounded face 
and cheeks made him appear squinty but even so Crystal could easily see the 
bright blue of his eyes.
"Miss Sheridan, this is Michael.," Peter said sweetly. He took the covered dish 
out of his lover's hands and walked off to the kitchen.
Crystal found her hand clasped between two larger ones as Peter walked away, 
leaving her alone with the man easily twice her size. She couldn't decide if he 
looked more like a wrestler or a bodybuilder. The sheer size of the stranger was 
enough to get her heart pounding with an old fear and the urge to flee was 
almost too much. Then the giant opened his mouth.
"I'm pleased to meet you," his said, his voice almost as high as hers. "I'm 
Michael Swenson, Peter's lover."
"Hi." She tried to reconcile the boyish voice with the grown man standing before 
her. "Crystal."
"Well it's very nice to meet you, Crystal," he said, every word calming her 
innate fear. "You'll have to excuse Peter. Manners never were his thing."
"Don't start," a voice called from the kitchen. "It's not my fault you don't pay 
attention."
The blond man tsked and rolled his eyes. "He thinks he tells me things," he 
whispered conspiratorially. Crystal couldn't help but smirk at his expression. 
"Four hours ago he tells me we're supposed to bring a soufflé." He sighed and 
shook his head. "But you don't need to hear about our problems."
"Oh…well, um…it smells wonderful." That voice just doesn't fit that body, she 
thought to herself.
"Wait until you taste it."
"Hi Michael," Laura said as she walked into the room, offering her cheek for a 
perfunctory kiss. "It's good to see you again."
"Always a pleasure. It's nice to get out of the house once in a while," he 
replied, earning a snort from his lover standing near the entrance to the 
kitchen. Crystal looked over to see Peter shake his head and stalk off into the 
kitchen. Michael sat down on the couch, leaning back and crossing his leg over 
his knee. "I wanted to go to the fair this weekend but he promised his mother 
I'd fix her porch."
"You'd rather my mother broke her hip falling off those rickety steps?" the 
red-haired man said as he walked into the room, a cocktail tray with drinks in 
hand. He looked at Laura and huffed. "I swear he's just so thoughtless 
sometimes. Here sweetie, club soda with lime." He handed the glass to the 
writer, then turned his attention to Crystal. "I didn't know what you liked but 
I figured you for a gin and tonic girl."
Gin? She looked in surprise at Laura, then at her drink. She has booze 
somewhere? Oh what an idiot I am. Having not seen her roommate drink or seen any 
bottles lying around, Crystal assumed there was no liquor in the house. So that 
day I sat here and suffered, you had something here all along? She made a mental 
note to check out what was really in the cabinets in the kitchen the next time 
Laura went out. "Thank you." I could use this about now.
Peter took his drink and set the tray with its remaining glass on the coffee 
table. Laura frowned slightly and handed Michael the drink.
"Michael, how difficult would it be to install a light on the upstairs deck?"
The big blonde man shrugged. "It shouldn't be too hard. It's just a clapboard 
wall on the outside and sheet rock inside, right?"
"Right."
"Shouldn't take more than a couple of hours if there's a good place to connect 
into the wiring. I could probably get it done in an afternoon."
Peter leaned over until his face was next to Laura's. "I wouldn't hold my breath 
if I were you," he said. "I've been waiting five weeks for Mister Fix-It to put 
up my new bird feeder."
"I hung it up…twice," the handyman defended. "Both times you bitched."
"Well how am I supposed to see it from the bedroom window if you hide it under 
all those leaves?" The redhead straightened and took a small sip of his drink. 
"Honestly I just don't know what you're thinking sometimes."
"I'm thinking how nice it would be to go somewhere for once and not have you 
throw a hissy fit."
Peter held his drink close to his chest and tapped his foot on the short 
carpeting. "Laura, would you join me in the kitchen, please? There's something I 
want to show you."
"I don't think that line will work on her," Michael said, his youthful voice 
again drawing Crystal's attention to him. "That only works on guys hanging out 
at in the park," he continued.
Ooh. Crystal winced. Jeez, he's really pissed.
"He thinks I believe him when he tells me he's going to the gym," the blond man 
said to her. "Mister Vanity doesn't realize I canceled our membership two months 
ago."
She leaned forward, lowering her voice so they wouldn't be overheard. "So why 
haven't you told him?"
"I'm waiting."
"For what?"
His round face puffed up with a smile. "He's just having a fit because I yelled 
at him for not giving me more notice with the soufflé. He'll get over it in a 
little while if I stop picking on him." He leaned forward. "I'm saving my trump 
card until he discovers I scratched the paint on his car backing into a parking 
space."
Crystal brought the glass to her lips, tasting very little tonic. Few more of 
these and I won't have to sneak upstairs for a hit, she mused, taking another 
healthy sip. She realized Michael was still speaking to her. "What?"
"I asked if you wanted to show me the balcony so I can give Laura a better idea 
of how much it would cost to put a light in."
"Um…" Upstairs? Alone? Rational thought told her that the hulking blond man 
meant her no harm but she couldn't stop the tensing of her body. Downing the 
rest of her drink, Crystal struggled to think of an excuse not to go upstairs 
with him. Fortunately Laura unwittingly came to her rescue.
"Would anyone like some fruit salad?" she asked as she entered the living room.
Perfect. "Sounds great." Crystal stood up quickly. "I'll get it while you show 
him where you want that light."
"Oh, okay. It's in the green bowl in the fridge."
"Okay." Crystal escaped into the kitchen, finding Peter leaning against the 
railing on the deck. She found the bowl and was setting it on the counter when 
he spoke.
"I suppose he told you what a bad guy I am, hmm?" He wagged his finger. "I asked 
him to make a soufflé. You'd think I asked him to pave the driveway in the 
middle of August. Oh no, my dear." He reached over and took the spoon from her. 
"A good rule of thumb Miss Sheridan is to give your guest just a few bites. 
Appetizer plates should always be small. Don't want to take a chance of ruining 
anyone's appetite, do we?"
Well excuse me, Martha Stewart, she thought as she watched him resize the 
portions. The thought of going upstairs for a few hits of pot were dashed when 
she saw Michael and Laura ascending the stairs. Fuck it, I'll settle for a 
cigarette and a drink. Looking around, she spotted the bottle of gin on the 
counter. "Would you like another drink, Mister Knight?"
"Oh please call me Peter, and no thank you." He picked up his half full glass 
and jiggled it. "The home handyman won't let me have more than a couple of 
drinks while we're out."
"He's upstairs now," she pointed out, holding the bottle in her hand.
The redhead looked over at the empty living room, then at the stairs before 
thrusting his glass at her. "Well I suppose there's nothing wrong with topping 
it off."
"No, nothing at all," she said as she filled his glass.
"Thank you," he said, bringing the drink to his lips. "Ooh, now that has some 
kick to it, doesn't it?" He took another sip. "You do like to make them strong, 
Miss Sheridan."
"Crystal and yeah, the stronger the better." She took a healthy swallow or her 
own drink and headed for the sliding glass door. "I need a smoke."
"By all means, Miss, I mean Crystal." He followed her outside. "I see Laura is 
enforcing her no smoking rule."
"Mm, One of her many rules," the stripper mumbled as she lit her cigarette. "You 
should be a used car salesman."
Peter laughed nervously. "Well now, I guess I wasn't completely forthcoming 
about Laura's little quirks."
"No, not exactly," she agreed.
"But you two are getting along splendidly from what I see now," he offered in 
defense. "Laura likes you."
"Peter you'd better stop talking about me," the writer's voice carried from the 
upper deck. The balding man's face turned redder than his hair.
"Oh my, what an embarrassing faux pas." In a louder voice he called "I was just 
commenting on how well you and Miss Sheridan were getting along."
"Uh huh, I know exactly what you were doing," Laura said, leaning over the upper 
rail. "I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?"
"Um, the fruit salad is ready," Crystal said before taking a long drag of her 
cigarette. "And I'm getting hungry."
"All right, we'll be down in a minute."
Crystal's fork carefully avoided all but the grapes and peaches while she 
listened to Michael ramble on about how to wire a fixture on the upper deck. 
Peter and Laura were in deep conversation, about what the stripper wasn't sure. 
Deciding that it had to be more interesting than the benefits of adjustable 
lighting, Crystal turned her attention to them. Peter was shaking his head in 
disagreement with something Laura said.
"Well what are they going to do? Decide not to publish your book?"
"They could. Most likely they push it back on the production schedule."
"That means pushing back your checks," Peter said. "Any chance you'll meet the 
deadline?"
"Even if I sat in front of that computer day and night I wouldn't make it. I 
can't figure out where to go from here with the characters and the whole trial 
scene seems awkward at this point." Laura took another bite of her fruit salad 
and pushed the bowl away, dabbing the corners of her lips with her napkin. "I 
hate writer's block." The ding of the oven timer ended the conversation. "If you 
will excuse me," she said as she rose to her feet. "I have to check on dinner."
"I'll help," Crystal offered, not wanting to be stuck alone with the quarreling 
lovers. She followed Laura into the kitchen.
"Sorry about that," the writer said as she pulled the pan out of the oven. 
"Sometimes the boys get into a fight and they don't know enough to leave it at 
home."
"It's all right. At least they're not throwing punches."
"No, they won't get to that point." Laura began transferring the chicken to the 
serving tray. "At the very worst they'll just not speak to each other. Would you 
bring the soufflé to the table?"
"Sure." Using the potholders, she picked up the ceramic dish and headed for the 
deck. The aroma wafted under her nose, making Crystal's mouth water in 
anticipation. Despite her earlier misgivings, she was now looking forward to her 
first sampling of the spinach soufflé. She found Peter and Michael staring in 
different directions when she stepped out onto the deck.
"Oh here, let me help," Michael said, moving a trivet to the center of the 
table.
"You have to leave room for the entree," Peter huffed, moving the hot plate to 
the side to make room for the chicken plate. Once she was certain the wrought 
iron trivet was staying put, Crystal set the dish down. She turned to go help 
Laura but found the dark haired woman coming through the doorway with the entree 
in her hands.
"The rice and sauce are still in there," Laura said, jerking her chin in the 
direction of the kitchen.
"I'll get them." Crystal stepped around her roommate and returned to the 
kitchen. Scooping the rice from the pot into the bowl, she couldn't resist 
taking a taste or two. Fortunately Laura had made more than enough.
They sat at the round table on the deck with the women across from each other, 
Michael on Crystal's left and Peter on her right.
"Smells delectable," Peter said enthusiastically as he took the dish from Laura. 
"I haven't had lemon chicken in ages."
"Well I've never had it but you're right, it does smell good," Crystal said as 
she reached for the dish.
"Oh no, my dear, allow me," Peter said, setting the plate down on the trivet. He 
put two pieces on her plate and poured a generous amount of sauce over them. 
"Trust me, you'll love it."
Love it or hate it, Crystal was determined to put a good face on for her 
roommate. She waited until everyone had filled their plates before picking up 
her fork. Deciding the rice pilaf looked safest, she aimed her fork for it.
"You haven't tried the soufflé yet?" Michael asked before her utensil made 
contact with any food.
"Don't be silly, Michael," Peter admonished. "Of course she's going to try 
Laura's chicken first. Go ahead my dear, try it."
"Actually…" she started, looking hesitantly at the green vegetable.
"No, it's okay," Laura said. "You can try the soufflé first if you want to. I 
don't mind."
"See?" the blond man said impatiently at his lover. "Go on, Crystal. It'll melt 
in your mouth, I swear."
Six eyes watched as Crystal took a forkful of the puffy dish and brought it to 
her lips. "Mmm." As Michael had predicted, it did indeed melt in her mouth. 
"It's good," she mumbled, putting another piece in her mouth.
"I knew you'd love it," the large handyman said, his round face beaming with 
pride.
"Of course it's delicious," Laura said, shooting Peter a look to forestall any 
comment.
Crystal lowered her head to hide her smirk at the silent exchange. Encouraged by 
the soufflé, she picked up her knife and began cutting up the chicken.
"So Laura," Peter said, an almost sinister look coming to his face. "Are you 
going to the dance next Friday at the community center? I heard from a reliable 
source that Tina would be there."
"She's too butch for you, Laura," Michael said without looking up from his 
plate.
"Oh please." Peter leaned back in his chair, the late afternoon sun reflecting 
off the bald spot on the top of his head. "So she likes body piercings, so 
what?"
"So I prefer my women not look like pin cushions," Laura replied.
Crystal chewed her chicken slowly, more interested in the conversation than the 
tangy meat.
"You're too picky," the redhead said. "I've told you that before. Face it, my 
dear, you're not getting any younger."
"It's my life, I can afford to be picky," Laura protested. "Besides, I'm not 
going to the dance. I have to stay home and get some writing done."
"Are you going to the game tomorrow?" Crystal asked.
"I have to go to the game but I'm not hanging around afterwards." A smile formed 
on the writer's lips as she looked at the blonde woman's plate. "Looks like 
you're enjoying the chicken. Either that or you're hungrier than you thought."
"I am enjoying it." Crystal put another forkful in her mouth. "This is really 
good."
"Yes well our little Miss Taylor is absolutely splendid when it comes to 
culinary matters." Peter smiled and used his knife to daintily cut his meat. 
"She'll make a fine wife one of these days."
"Stop it," Laura said, a blush creeping up her neck.
Crystal smiled at her roommate's discomfort, knowing it would be short-lived. 
The conversation had a way of changing its focus from one person to another.
"You're so cute when you blush," Peter said. "Don't you think so, Crystal?"
"Well, um…" She looked down at her plate, dimly noting that only the pilaf 
remained. Maybe she'll make this again some night. "I don't really…"
"Oh, that's right." The redhead laid his hand on Crystal's and squeezed. "I'm 
sorry, my dear. I keep forgetting that you are on the other side of the fence."
Other side of the…oh. "Yeah, well…"
"It doesn't matter," Laura said firmly. "Peter, you'd better behave or…" She 
leaned over and whispered in his ear. Crystal watched as he swallowed nervously 
and nodded. Whatever it is, I bet it's something juicy. Michael simply laughed 
and helped himself to another helping of chicken.
"Ahem, so…" Peter picked up his fork and held it over his plate. "Did you hear 
that Michael landed a remodeling contract for that building at the corner of 
Exchange and State?"
"Where the credit union used to be before the fire?"
"Exactly. They're planning for twenty-five office suites as well as a lounge and 
lobby." He chewed on a bite of chicken before continuing. "Isn't that right, 
Michael?"
"Plus all the bathrooms," the blond man replied. "I'll be hiring the 
subcontractors next week."
"How exciting," Laura said. "How long do you think the job will take?"
"Depends. We're doing the demolition work right now and that will take at least 
two weeks or more. Once it's gutted I figure no more than three or four months."
"If he makes it three months, we'll make enough to take that trip to Amsterdam 
that we've been dreaming about."
Crystal's brows raised. After all the bickering and snide comments passed 
between the men all evening, here Peter was talking about going on a vacation 
together. How can you be so mad at him earlier and now act like you're the best 
of couples?
"We can still go if I get the job done in four months, we just can't make that 
side trip to Munster to see the Blarney Stone."
Peter turned toward Crystal. "Laura's heard this story before but I did a 
genealogy search on my family a few years ago and I learned that my ancestors 
actually worked as servants for Lord MacCarthy."
"Oh no, not the Knight family history again," Laura groaned playfully. "At least 
wait until after dessert. Speaking of which…" She wiped her lips with her napkin 
and stood up. "If you would excuse me I have to go inside now and get the 
muffins in the oven."
Crystal watched as the compulsive woman began clearing the table, stacking 
dishes and scraping plates. Now why do it right this instant? she wondered. It's 
not like we need to use the table for something else right this minute. Still a 
brief pang of guilt was enough to get her in motion, standing up and helping the 
writer take things into the kitchen.
"The table or the living room?" Peter queried.
"Living room," Laura said before pulling a mixing bowl down from an upper shelf. 
"We'll be out in a minute." She took the blueberries, eggs, and butter out of 
the refrigerator. "Do you want to get the muffin pan ready?"
"Oh, sure." Crystal looked at the lower cabinets, trying to guess which one held 
the cake pans.
"Second one on the left next to the stove."
"Thanks." Kneeling down, she opened the door and peered inside the darkened 
space. Of course. The square pans were neatly nestled within each other next to 
an similar stack of rectangular ones. The muffin pans were on the bottom shelf. 
"Which one?"
"The square nine cup next to the stack of six cuppers."
Finding the correct one, Crystal stood up and set it on the counter. Laura's 
back was to her, allowing the stripper to watch unobserved as she mixed the 
milk, eggs, and other ingredients into the bowl. A drop of batter splashed out 
of the bowl and onto the counter only to find its life short lived as Laura used 
the dish rag to wipe it up. It happened again as the electric mixer churned its 
way through the yellow batter and once again Laura immediately wiped away any 
trace of a mess.
"It would be easier to let it wait until you were done and then clean it all up 
at once," she observed, knowing it was just a wasted effort.
"Haven't you figured out by now that I can't let something like that go, even 
for a minute?" She carried the bowl over and leaned against the counter next to 
Crystal. "It's just one of my little quirks like the way you roll your eyes when 
something irritates you."
"Wha-? I do not."
"You most certainly do," Laura said. "Look, you're doing it right now."
"No one has ever told me I roll my eyes."
Laura moved closer and leaned over so her mouth was near Crystal's ear. "And 
just how many people have you let get close enough to you to notice something 
like that?" Without waiting for an answer, she reached over and retrieve the 
bowl of berries. "Here, you can mix the berries in. Use a wooden spoon and be 
gentle. You don't want to crush up the berries."
*****************
Crystal pushed the eject button and slipped another tape into the player while 
keeping one eye on the traffic. She was running late and the speed limits were 
ignored in favor of making up time. The conversation over dessert continued to 
be a whirlwind of topics and she found herself hard pressed to leave. As it was, 
she had to go at least twenty miles over the limit most of the way in order to 
make it to the club in time for opening curtain.
As she pulled her car into the parking lot, a frown crossed her lips. The lot 
was packed with cars and she knew without looking that the few spaces on the 
street were filled as well. A glance at the marquee explained why. In black 
letters against the backlit white plastic was the proud proclamation that the 
Tom Cat Club was having mud wrestling night. Oh shit. Just what I need. The 
usual crowd would be replaced by a group of beer guzzling, profanity spewing men 
who generally couldn't keep themselves from breaking into fights at least three 
times during the night. Extra bouncers were required on wrestling night after 
one woman was nearly attacked in the mud pit by a drunk and horny patron several 
months back. Crystal hated working on such nights. The tips were lower and the 
sexual harassment was greater. Finding a small spot behind the dumpster, she 
parked her car and ran to the back door. She had to knock several times before 
the crash bar was pressed and the door opened.
"Where have you been?" Rick demanded. "You go on in five minutes."
"Traffic," she growled back, pushing past him and walking quickly down the 
hallway toward the dressing rooms. She almost reached the door when a strong 
grip on her arm caused her to stop short.
"I need to see you after your first set."
"What about?"
"See me after the set. We don't have time to talk about it now," he said, 
releasing his hold.
Great, what the fuck did I do now? she though to herself while entering the 
dressing room. She stopped short when she saw Monica standing in front of the 
mirror. "Why are you dressed like that?"
"Oh thank God you're here. Rick changed the opening number again. We're doing 
the roller derby queen number first, then the biker chicks one."
"That's ridiculous," she grumbled, stripping down to her G-string and reaching 
for the spandex outfit. "It takes twice as long to get into the leather outfits 
than these. We'll need a longer intermission." She tugged the clingy material up 
her thighs. Damn this is getting tight. Better lay off the muffins.
"I think he's going to have the first wrestling match between our sets."
"Oh no, you're kidding." Crystal paused in the middle of pulling her arm through 
the sleeve. "Is he nuts?"
"He says he can get two extra matches in this way," Monica shrugged. An angry 
pounding on the door announced Rick's growing impatience.
"We'll be right there," Crystal yelled, jerking her arm the rest of the way 
through. She hadn't even stepped on stage and already was dreading the upcoming 
night.
Crystal had every reason to be uneasy about the night. The announcement of 
women's mud wrestling had done more than draw the rowdy drinkers. Several tables 
were filled with members of a local college's fraternity. Peeking out through 
the curtain on the edge of the stage, she saw a sea of red sweatshirts with 
Greek letters on them, the tables overflowing with beer bottles. Damn. Another 
look around showed to her dismay that there was only one, not two bouncers 
standing near the stage. Terrific, just terrific. Why don't we just put up a 
sign saying "attack the dancers, we don't care." She reached down and tugged on 
the spandex riding up her crotch. Monica came up behind her. "It doesn't look 
good, does it?"
"College night," Crystal replied. "I only see Tony working the stage."
"Don't go too close to the edge of the stage," the older stripper said. "Those 
frat boys are a dangerous lot. You'll be three rows back on someone's lap before 
you know it."
"Rick better keep an eye on things, that's all I can say," Crystal sighed, 
knowing her work was cut out for her that evening. The manager in question 
appeared at just that moment.
"Let's go girls. There's paying customers out that that was a good show from you 
two. Crystal, use the right pole. You're more what those guys on that side 
want."
Meaning the frat boys asked you to put me on their side of the stage, she though 
to herself, walking past Monica to stand near the right pole. Rick stepped 
between the curtains and the crowd quieted down. "The management of the Tom Cat 
Club would like to welcome you all here this evening for a very special show. 
Not only do we have six separate matches scheduled throughout the evening…" He 
had to pause as the din turned into shouts of approval. Crystal felt her mood 
darken as the seconds ticked away. I'm so damn tired of this. Rick's microphone 
amplified voice broke into her thoughts. "…but we also have the very sexy 
Crystal Peaks here to entertain you along with the ever popular Monica." At the 
mention of their names, the strippers reached for the poles, readying themselves 
for the start of the music and the rising of the curtain. "And so without 
further ado, let me introduce Crystal Peaks and Monica." The speakers on either 
side of the stage began blaring a rhythmic beat.
The first thing she noticed when the curtain went up was all the students 
huddled on the her side of the stage. This isn't going to be good. Picking up 
her cue from Monica, she made a quick turn around the pole, stopping in front of 
it to do a shoulder shimmy.
"Aw, stop screwing around and show us those tits!" one of the frat boys shouted. 
Several of his cohorts yelled in agreement, banging their beer bottles down on 
the table for emphasis. The result was a massive scramble as foam ran down the 
bottles and all over the tables. Crystal kept her eye on the flurry of movement, 
missing a cue and falling out of step to the music.
Dammit. She did some quick double-stepping to get herself back in time with the 
music. Concentrating on her routine, she danced back and forth half-heartedly 
trying to entice the men with her body. The bouncer was positioned on Monica's 
side of the stage, providing no protection for her from the horny fraternity.
"Let's go ladies," another frat boy shouted. "We want tits and we want them 
now!" His buddies around him took up the chant, pounding their fists on the 
tables.
"We want tits! We want tits!"
Rick ran across the stage and down the steps to reach the frat boys. Things 
quieted down quickly after that and Crystal was able to resume her routine. 
Looking over to Monica, she nodded and listened for the right spot in the music. 
In synch both women lowered the zippers on their spandex tops, revealing bare 
skin beneath. Normally Crystal would draw this part out, teasing the audience 
with what was to come. Tonight however, drawing out the set was not something 
she had any interest in doing. The jackets were whipped off and tossed behind 
them on the stage, followed quickly by the spandex pants. Monica moved to the 
edge of the stage, kneeling down before a table of middle-aged men. Dollar bills 
quickly found themselves wedged under the thin strap of her G-string. The frat 
boys were hooting and waving bills as well but Crystal didn't want to go 
anywhere near them, choosing instead to go to the front of the stage and do her 
shimmy there. The boys howled their disappointment and began pounding the tables 
again. She looked over to Monica, hoping the older woman would take pity on her 
and entertain the frat boys but even the extra tip money wasn't enough to get 
the redheaded stripper to move to Crystal's side of the stage.
Fuck. She knew Rick was somewhere amongst the sea of red-shirted boys and hoped 
he would be enough to keep them under control. Plastering a fake smile to her 
lips, Crystal hesitantly went over to them. A beefy guy with his hair buzzed 
almost completely off leaned over the rail and held a five dollar bill out. 
Kneeling down in front of him, she shimmied and wiggled, making her breasts wave 
and bounce. She offered him a hip side of her G-string to slip the bill into but 
he had other ideas. He hooked his fingers around the string and tugged hard, 
jerking her off the stage. Crystal fell onto the table, beer bottles wedged 
against her back. It took a second for the pain of the cigarette against her 
back to override the painful squeeze of her nipple by the jock's fingers. She 
kicked and jerked wildly, causing him to pinch the tender flesh. "Son of a 
bitch!" he screamed when her heeled foot made contact with his ribs.
Focusing more on stopping the burning pain in her back than where her foot 
landed, Crystal never saw the backhand coming. Hard knuckles and an oversized 
class ring connected with a resounding slap. "You fucking bitch!"
Strong hands pulled her off the table and away from the drunken man. The lights 
went up, drowning the room in brightness and the music stopped. Crystal noticed 
none of it, her eyes closed tight against the reality of what was happening. 
Voices were shouting, mixing together into a deafening din. Hands were squeezing 
her shoulders, touching her face. Her left nipple throbbed from the painful 
pinching, helping blend the past and present together until Crystal found 
herself unable to distinguish between the two. Visions of her father's face 
floated behind closed lids until, dizzy from the sensory overload, Crystal let 
the welcoming darkness take her.
She woke up to find herself laying on the couch in the dressing room. Monica was 
sitting on a chair at the table, reading a romance novel. Oh God, what happened? 
she thought to herself, bringing her hand up to rub her eyes. "Ow." She winced 
at the pain on her face.
"Crys? You awake? God girlfriend, you had us worried. Rick said if you didn't 
wake up by the end of the next set we'd have to call an ambulance."
"That was big of him," she mumbled, carefully touching the tender area on the 
right side of her mouth. "What happened?"
"I'm not sure. I heard the commotion but by the time I got over there you were 
passed out or unconscious or whatever. Rick had them bring you in here. He had 
to put the wrestlers on early and told them they have to do extra matches." It 
was then that Crystal noticed Monica was dressed in her street clothes. "You'd 
think the least the cheap bastard could do is pay me half of the tips I'm going 
to lose for the rest of the night but no, you know what that son of a bitch 
does? He tells me if I want to work the rest of the night I have to be one of 
the wrestlers."
She sat up, inhaling sharply as she did so, the burn stinging. "Yeah I guess I 
probably do look like a fright now." Even without a mirror she knew her lip was 
swollen and bloody. "Can you hand me a washcloth or something?"
"Sure girlfriend," Monica replied, grabbing a cloth and heading behind a rack of 
clothes to get to the small sink. "I guess Mister know-it-all doesn't think I 
can go on solo." She reappeared from behind the clothes and handed Crystal the 
wet cloth. "Fuck him. I'll take advantage of having a Friday night off and go 
home and relax. You gonna be all right?"
"Ow, yeah I'm sure." She pressed the cloth gingerly around her lip, gently 
wiping the excess blood away. "I'm not spending the next year paying off an 
emergency room bill for a bloodied lip." Standing up slowly, Crystal walked over 
to the dressing table and slumped into the chair. "Shit. Looks like someone used 
me for a punching bag."
"Oh man, Crys, what happened to your back?"
"I landed on a cigarette, I think." She turned in her seat, craning her neck to 
see the blackened, ash-covered burn. She hissed at the sight of it. "Ooh that 
looks nasty."
"I think you need to have someone take a look at that," Monica said.
"No. I'll just soak in the tub when I get home. It'll clean it right up." She 
looked in the mirror to see the redhead's expression. "Don't worry. I've been 
through worse than this, I promise." I've never had a flashback in the middle of 
performance before, though, she admitted to herself. "Listen, Mon. Could you do 
me a favor? Wait until I'm done getting dressed and walk me to my car, will ya?" 
She cast a glance at the mirror, noting the purpling bruise forming around her 
left aureole. Other mirrors, other bruises flashed before her mind's eye, making 
her feel even more unsettled. "Please? I'll only be few minutes."
"Boy, you're really shook up, aren't ya?" Monica asked, setting her purse down 
on the table. "Of course I'll stay and walk you to your car. Where are you 
parked?"
"Over by the dumpster. You know they haven't fixed that light yet."
"Of course not. While it's not working they're not paying as much in 
electricity." She reached into the cubicle reserved and pulled out Crystal's 
clothes. "Here you go, girlfriend."
"Thanks." She took the shirt and, careful of her injured lip, pulled it down 
over her head. Next came getting it past her tender breast without rubbing 
against the cigarette burn on her back. Monica gratefully noticed her 
predicament and helped her get the shirt on. Crystal pulled her pants and 
sneakers on, stuffing her socks in her pockets. The noise from the patrons 
filtered through the wall, reminding her that she was only a few feet from where 
she'd just been assaulted. "Did Rick throw that guy out?" The pause was enough 
to give her the answer. "Of course."
"Crys, remember that guy is there with all his buddies. If Rick throws him out 
the others will leave too."
"Yeah yeah, I've heard it before." She angrily pulled a cigarette out of her 
pack, bringing it to her lips only to stop and move it to the opposite side. 
"I'm ready."
They walked out the side entrance and over to where Crystal's car was parked.
"Thanks again, Monica. You sure you don't want a ride to your car?"
"No, I'm right over here." She pointed at the minivan parked several spots down 
the row. "How long you think it'll be before you can come back?"
"It'll be a few days before the swelling goes down but with makeup, who knows. 
I'll give you a call." Looking at the brick building, a haze of smoke coming out 
the screened windows, Crystal felt her stomach churn at the thought of entering 
it again. Without thought, her right hand came up to cover her injured left 
breast. She closed her eyes and leaned against her car, hoping the night air 
would clear her mind.
"You really sure you're okay?" Monica asked.
"Yeah, sorry. Just tired I guess." She opened the car door. "Beep me Monday. 
I'll let you know what's going on." She stepped into the car and waited until 
she heard Monica's car door shut before starting her own engine and pulling out 
of the parking lot.
Crystal drove up the busy main avenue of the city, more than once looking around 
to make sure her car doors were locked. She didn't turn on the radio, preferring 
instead the solitude allowed by the silence. Her lip throbbed as did her back 
and breast, refusing to let her forget what happened that evening. She pulled 
into the brightly lit parking lot of the liquor store, noting that there were 
still time before they closed. The need to reach oblivion became stronger with 
each passing minute. A shortage of cash allowed her only one pint of whiskey but 
that didn't stop her from opening it the second she returned to the car.
"Dammit." She took another swallow, feeling the booze burning its way down her 
throat. "Why the fuck does this have to keep happening?" She pounded her heel on 
the steering wheel. "I'm so tired of this, so fucking tired." The sting of tears 
burned her eyes but she refused to give in, instead starting the car and 
squealing tires as she sped out of the parking lot.
Part 5
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L



Laura heard the door unlock and stopped typing. A quick glance at the clock in 
the lower right hand corner of her computer screen confirmed it was far too 
early for Crystal to be home. "Crystal?" she called, rising to her feet and 
opening her bedroom door.
"Yeah, it's just me." As she stepped onto the landing, Laura could easily see 
the puffed lips and broken skin. "There was an…incident at the club tonight."
"Let's get you cleaned up." She guided Crystal into the bathroom, pretending not 
to notice the paper bag in the stripper's hand or the way it was covertly set 
down on the floor next to the toilet.
"I can…"
"No argument," Laura said, cutting off the protest. "Whether you want to tell me 
what happened or not is up to you but I'm not going to let you let this go 
untreated." She opened the medicine cabinet and took out the peroxide, cotton 
balls, and antibiotic cream. "Here, sit on the toilet and tip your head back."
"Is it really that bad?"
"You don't want to get a scar, do you?" Holding a cotton ball over the sink, 
Laura soaked it with peroxide. "I have to clean it first to see how bad it 
really is. Hold still, this might sting."
"Yeouch!"
"I told you. Now hold still." Cotton ball after cotton ball was used to gently 
cleanse the area. "That looks pretty nasty."
"I think he was wearing a ring."
That explains the jagged looking cut, she thought to herself. "So you want to 
tell me what happened?"
"Mud wrestling, a drunken asshole and an even worse asshole for a club manager," 
Crystal sighed. "Easy."
"Sorry. I really think you could use a stitch here just to be on the safe side."
"No. I really don't want to have anyone look at it."
"Okay. I think I have some butterflies in the first aid kit. But you have to 
keep it covered with the ointment to keep it from scarring." She stopped wiping 
and gently cupped Crystal's chin with her fingers. You have such a pretty face… 
The thought entered her mind and almost passed her lips. "Let me get the 
butterfly."
After the bandage was in place and the bruised area treated, Laura stepped back 
to give it one last check. "There. I think that will take care of it. You'll 
have to keep putting the ointment on but I think it'll heal up fine." She began 
straightening things up.
"Laura?"
"Yes?" She turned to see Crystal looking at her nervously.
"Um…there's another place," she began, standing up and turning her back to the 
writer. "I figured I'd soak in the tub and that would take care of it but…"
"Let me see." To her surprise, Crystal began lifting her shirt. "Where is it?"
"On my back. I think I fell on an ashtray and got burned."
Laura knelt down until her face was level with the small of Crystal's back. She 
reached up and took over the task of lifting the shirt. There on the right 
shoulder blade was the burn. "Ooh."
"It is a burn, right?"
"Oh yeah, looks like you landed right on a cigarette. I'll get the burn cream 
and a gauze pad." She turned away quickly, opening the linen closet and staring 
past the cream. Why do you always end up getting hurt? "This happened at the 
club?"
"Right in the middle of the first set."
Laura rested her fingers on the tube of burn cream. "And things like this happen 
often?"
"Not often but once in a while. Usually they don't get to do more than cop a 
feel before the bouncers get hold of them."
And copping a feel is okay? You've gotta get out of this line of work, she 
thought to herself before picking up the tube. "I have to clean it first before 
I can put the cream on it. Think you can hold your shirt up out of the way?"
"Yeah."
Crystal stood facing away from the mirror while Laura wiped the injured area 
with the soaked cotton balls. "So how are you going to work with that lip?"
"I'm not. People don't pay to see busted lips. I'll wait until the swelling goes 
down and see how good the makeup covers it. That and my back."
"I don't know if you're interested or not but Michael was talking after you left 
about that new project his has downtown."
"The office remodeling he was talking about at dinner?"
"That's the one. He said he was in the demolition phase. You know, cleaning out 
the old sheetrock and carpeting and such." Tread carefully, Taylor. "He's 
looking for some extra help to haul things out of the building. It's hard labor 
but he pays well. I was even thinking of working a day or two after my writing 
deadline to earn a little extra cash."
"He'll hire people for just a day or two? What if they don't have experience in 
construction?"
"Well…" Laura crouched down to get a better look at the burn. "How much 
experience do you need to pick up a piece of sheetrock and throw it in the 
dumpster?" She tossed the cotton ball in the wastebasket. "Ten bucks a hour."
"Ten? Just to clean out an old building?"
"Hold still," she admonished. "You were burned pretty good, Crystal. It 
blistered up and broke the skin. You'll have to be extra careful. It looks like 
it's in a tricky location."
Crystal reached behind her back, straining with her fingertips to reach the spot 
covered by tape and gauze. "It is. I can barely touch it."
"I'll take care of it then. Just yell to me after your shower and I'll put a 
fresh bandage on it for you. And yeah, ten bucks an hour. It's hard work and the 
turnover rate is high enough at that price."
"You mean he can't keep people for that much money?"
Laura fastened the last piece of tape and straightened up. "Some people just 
don't want to work that hard, no matter how much the pay is. Since Michael can't 
afford to make it a long term job, most only stick around for just a few days 
while looking for other work."
"But if they did a good job, would he keep them on?" Crystal asked while 
lowering her shirt.
"I don't know. I imagine he always has a job or two that need to be done even 
with sub-contractors. I've helped him out a few times for a day or two when he 
was shorthanded. It's hard work but he's always appreciative." Come on, Crystal. 
All the sweat is still ten times better than taking your clothes off for these 
people. Look what happened to you tonight. As much as she wanted to voice the 
words, Laura held back. She had dropped the hint. It was up to Crystal to take 
the next step and pushing her wouldn't make it happen.
The blonde woman turned around to face her. "Thanks for helping me with this."
"You're welcome. Are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened?" She 
put her hand on Crystal's shoulder but pulled it back when she felt the 
stiffness at her touch. "I really am a good listener. We can even go out on the 
deck if you want."
"No. It's late and you need to work on your book. I think I'm just going to go 
to bed."
"Are you coming to the game tomorrow?"
"Um, sure if you want."
"Good. Remind me to give you one of my hats to help keep the sun off your face. 
It gets pretty hot out there." The cream, cotton balls, gauze and peroxide were 
returned to the cabinet. Soon they were just standing there, in the bathroom 
with nothing to say. "Um, so uh."
"Um, yeah. I guess I'll catch you tomorrow. Thanks again for helping me with 
this," Crystal said, pointing at the puffed lip, the ointment causing the light 
to reflect brightly off it.
"Of course. See you tomorrow. Pleasant dreams." She heard the low snort and the 
rustle of the paper bag as she reached for the door handle. She stepped into her 
own room and looked up at the ceiling. She's had a rough enough day. Please let 
her sleep easy tonight. Sighing with resignation that she had done all she could 
do, Laura sat down at the computer and looked at the screen, reacquainting 
herself with the last few paragraphs she had written. Cracking her knuckles to 
limber them up, she began typing, tuning out the world around her and focusing 
on her characters instead of the deadline.
One sentence, then two appeared on the screen. It's hot in here. Pushing with 
her feet, she wheeled her chair over to the sliding glass door and opened it, 
letting the night air in through the screen. Immediately the now familiar scent 
of pot mixed with incense filled the air. Hmm… She sniffed the air again. It's 
not cherry or vanilla. Lilac? Listening carefully, she heard glass clinking 
together followed moments later by the sound of Crystal's lighter. The smell of 
pot grew stronger.
Standing and pushing her chair under the desk, Laura opened the door and walked 
across the landing to stand in front of Crystal's bedroom. She knocked lightly. 
"You busy?"
"Uh…" Laura heard a drawer open followed by the sound of what she assumed to be 
Crystal's pot pipe being thrown in. "Come in."
"I um," Okay, so now what? "I was just wondering what scent this incense stick 
was." She walked over to the dresser and looked at the small cone burning in the 
metal dish.
"It's called Rain." Crystal was sitting on her bed, her legs tucked up beneath 
her. The lamp next to the bed was on, a mirror on the wall causing the light to 
reflect onto the white ceiling, giving the whole room a soft glow. The stripper 
had changed into gray shorts and a white undershirt, her breasts pressing hard 
against the thin white material.
"I don't think you've burned this one before." She picked up the box full of 
incense cones and read the label, deliberately keeping her eyes away from her 
roommate's obvious attributes. "Hard to tell though, you seem to use so many 
different varieties."
"It depends on my mood. Open that top drawer." Laura did as instructed and found 
several boxes of cones as well as long packs full of sticks and a curved piece 
of wood used to hold them.
"This one seems…" She took another sniff and shrugged. "Reflective."
"I guess that's one way to put it."
"You burn them a lot. Is it just to hide the pot smell? I can't imagine even you 
smoke that much all the time."
"No, I don't smoke it every minute of the day," Crystal said, her smirk taking 
away any edge to her words. "I like the smells. When I was growing up, 
everything smelled like my father. His cigarettes, his cheap cologne…" The pause 
caused Laura to turn and see Crystal shudder. "Just everything," the young woman 
said bitterly, reaching for her cigarettes.
"Well…" Now what do I say? If I had a father like yours, I'd do everything in my 
power to not be reminded of him too. "I like it. It makes the upstairs smell 
very nice. If you're just burning it," and nothing else, her eyes silently 
added, "you're welcome to leave your door open."
"Laura, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, anything." She tried to look at Crystal's eyes but they were hidden 
behind little slits. Must have really been hitting that pipe before I came in, 
she thought to herself. "Mind if I sit down?"
Crystal motioned at the foot of the bed. "Go ahead." She took a long drag on her 
cigarette, then watched the bluish-gray smoke swirl upward. "Did your father 
ever hit you?"
"When I was little I earned a spanking or two but not like you mean. He never 
did anything more than that." Laura pulled her feet up to sit cross-legged on 
the bed. "Sometimes he acted like a drill sergeant but even then he knew the 
difference between his recruits and his kids."
"Must be nice." The head of the cigarette flared a bright orange as she once 
again inhaled the thick smoke. "Mine used to think that his fists solved 
everything. He…" Crystal's voice trailed off and she looked away. "He used 
to…h-hurt me."
Laura's heart lurched when she heard the hitch in her roommate's voice. Up until 
that point Crystal had only alluded to the abuse, not actually come out and said 
it. "Um, you know he can't hurt you now," she offered. Crystal responded by 
picking her half-empty glass and draining it.
"Even after all this time I still have nightmares that he finds me and drags me 
back home with him." Eyelids made heavy by marijuana left her eyes as little 
more than slits but she still managed to focus on Laura. "Tonight…" She looked 
longingly at the nightstand drawer, obviously wanting the escape offered within 
it.
No, don't leave me now, she thought. Come on, Crystal, you're doing great. She 
sat up on her knees. "What happened tonight?"
"I…it…" Crystal started and stopped several times before throwing her hands up 
in frustration. The movement caused gray ash to fall off the end of her 
cigarette and onto the sheet.
Laura immediately shot up to brush it away lest a hot ash burn through. In the 
end she found herself stretched diagonally across the bed, her shoulders level 
with Crystal's hip. She rolled on her side and propped herself up on one elbow. 
"Shh," she cooed. "Just take a deep breath and try again."
"No, it's okay, I…"
"Crystal," she interrupted, moving up onto her knees again. "You can't sit here 
and tell me that whatever happened tonight didn't bother you. You had your lip 
practically split open, a cigarette burned into your back and God knows what 
else happened that you haven't told me." Taking a chance, she moved closer, her 
knees only inches from Crystal, who remained cross-legged at the head of the 
bed. "And I think whatever happened triggered something that made you think of 
your father."
"So what else is new?" she snorted, stubbing the cigarette out in the ashtray. 
"That bastard fucked up everything. Anything he touched, anything he said…" She 
reached for the paper bag and pulled the pint of whiskey out. "I hate him."
That's putting it mildly, Laura thought to herself. "Can I tell you something?" 
She waited until Crystal nodded. "I know we haven't known each other long and 
we're not exactly best friends."
"Not exactly," the blonde agreed.
"But…" Laura smiled at interjection. "Just the same I've come to know you a 
little bit and I consider you a friend. I don't know if I should say anything or 
not but when I think of what he's done…how he hurt you, well…I hate him too."
Crystal's eyes widened. She opened her mouth as if to say something then 
apparently thought the better of it, instead filling the glass with whiskey. 
Settling back with the glass in her hands, she looked down at the dark amber 
liquid. "Patty hated him too. I think Mom hated him but she was just too damn 
lazy to leave. She certainly didn't stay behind to protect us," she snarled, 
venom dripping from her words. "She left us alone to face him." The glass was 
raised and a good third of its contents drained. "Didn't expect such a fucked-up 
roommate, huh?" The single bulb of the lamp gave off enough light for Laura to 
see the shine of unshed tears in her eyes. Crystal set the glass down on the 
nightstand. "I used to wonder what I did that was so wrong that I got such a 
rotten family," she said, looking down at her lap.
Laura reacted the only way she could, lunging forward and wrapping her arms 
around the startled blonde. "We can't pick our families," she began, mindful of 
the stiffness of the body she was holding. "But when we become adults we can 
make new ones."
"With my luck it'd be just like choosing up sides for kickball in school," 
Crystal said quietly.
"Oh no," Laura whispered, adjusting her hold so the younger woman's head was 
nestled just under her chin. "I'd pick you for my team anytime." Can't you 
believe that someone could want you? That you're worth caring for? She ended the 
hug with a quick squeeze and moved back, giving what she sensed to be much 
needed space to Crystal after the awkward embrace. "I love my brother dearly but 
I always did wish for a little sister." Crystal shot her a look. "Okay, maybe 
not one as…complex as you, but just the same…" Laura tried, relieved when she 
saw the barest of smiles touch her roommate's face.
"I think I'm being handed a load of shit here." To the writer's surprise, 
Crystal reached out and slapped her thigh. "But thanks." She rubbed her hands 
together. "I think it's time for me to get to bed now."
Recognizing the brush off, Laura moved off the bed and stood up. "I'll see you 
in the morning then. Good night." It's all right if you want to stop now, she 
thought to herself. She felt a real sense of progress between them and was 
satisfied with that.
**********************
Laura pulled the Jeep into the parking lot, looking carefully for a safe, out of 
the way spot to park. "There's a spot over there next to Jenny's car," Crystal 
pointed out.
"Nope, too close to the fence. Have you seen the way they smack foul balls out 
here?"
"Oh, I thought you were afraid to get dust on it."
"Well, that too," Laura admitted, pulling into a shady spot near some trees. 
"Come on, you can watch us get our butts kicked by the Bees."
"Good team, huh?"
"Best in the league and they know it." They stepped out of the Jeep and walked 
around to the back. Laura reached over the tailgate and retrieved her gear bag. 
"It's like Tinker to Evers to Chance only here it's Winters to Winters to 
Smith."
"Huh?"
"I guess you'd have to know baseball to understand that one. The Winters twins 
play short and second and it's almost a guarantee that any ball hit their way 
becomes an out if not a double play."
"Oh." Crystal shrugged her shoulders. "So we're really just here to get hot and 
dusty and lose?"
"Pretty much." She hefted the gear bag over her shoulder. "You get to carry the 
cooler."
"Gee thanks."
"Don't mention it." Laura used her shoulder to playfully nudge her roommate. 
"Now come on, it's time to watch the Airhearts give the Winters fielding 
practice."
Jenny smiled and waved when she saw the pair approach. She gave Laura and hug. 
"Glad you could make it," she said to Crystal, who stood just out of reach.
"Well I hear those two are something to watch out for." She pointed at the 
twins.
"Definitely. I have a feeling it'll be a quick game. What happened to your 
face?"
"Oh, um…bad night at work. Laura, I'm going to get the cooler over there and 
claim my seat."
"Okay."
Jenny waited until the blonde woman was out of earshot before turning to Laura. 
"So what happened?"
Watching the retreating form heading for the bleachers, Laura leaned her 
forearms against the top rail of the chain link fence. "I hate that she works 
there. Some poor excuse for a man hit her last night."
"Oh my god, what happened?"
"She didn't give me all the details. Her face looks better today than it did 
last night. She was burned by a cigarette on her back too."
"Was she?"
"No. This happened during one of her shows." Laura looked out at the field, 
dimly noting the yellow and black uniforms on the team throwing the balls 
around. "Jen, you should have seen her last night."
Jenny squeezed her shoulder. "How are you doing?"
"Me? I wasn't the one who got beat up." Taking off her cap, she sighed and began 
toying with the brim. "Sometimes she's a real pain but last night…" Laura 
paused, licking her lips to give her time to collect her thoughts. "When I saw 
her face I couldn't believe it. How could someone do something like that to 
her?"
"Bad things happen to good people, Laur. That's a fact of life."
"I can't see how she can go back to work there after something like that 
happens."
"It's her job."
"She could find another job. I told her Michael was hiring. Maybe if she does 
that for a few days while she heals up she won't want to go back to working 
there."
"You can't plan on that." Jenny said. "You may not like what she's doing but you 
have to accept that it's her life to live. The best you can do is be there for 
her." The activity on the field changed as the excess balls were thrown in and 
the catcher settled into position. "Guess I'd better get out there and hope for 
a merciful pop out."
"I'd better get over there and check in with the coach," Laura said. "If you get 
thirsty Crystal's guarding the cooler."
"Oh good. I didn't even think of packing one today. Did you get ice water for 
me?"
"There's water, soda, juice and beer. I know, I know, letting her guard the 
cooler with beer in it is like letting the fox guard the hen house but there's a 
six pack in there. I doubt she can go through that in the course of a whole 
game."
Jenny sorted. "Uh huh, and dreams come true if you wish on the first star of the 
night."
"Yeah well…" Laura reached over and tugged on the brim of Jenny's cap. "Thanks 
for listening."
"Anytime, hon. Wish me luck."
"With luck you'll strike out instead of hitting one right to them," Laura said, 
putting her cap on her head. "I on the other hand will hit every shot right into 
her glove."
"Which one?"
"I can never keep them straight which is Carol and which is Coral. The 
shortstop."
"That's Carol."
"Yeah, her. I swear she has a magnet in her glove and there's a steel slug in 
the middle of the ball." The women laughed and walked toward the dugout bench.
Jenny was up first and as expected, she hit a slow dribbler toward the 
shortstop. She jogged back to the dugout and hooked the knob of her bat through 
the one of the holes in the chain link fencing. "Well that was eventful," she 
said. Crystal walked over, beer in hand.
"I thought the idea was to hit the ball past them, not to them."
"Funny. Grab a bat and give it a shot, Smarty."
"Hey, Blondie, who got you?" Carmen said, sidling up alongside the stripper. She 
reached out and cupped Crystal's chin with her hand. "Damn girl, that's a 
beauty. Hey Taylor, don't you know how to treat a fine specimen like this?"
"I didn't do it," Laura answered, sliding a weight ring onto her bat. Curiosity 
caused several Airhearts to leave the bench and walk over to see Crystal's 
injury. Donna struck out with barely a notice and Toni's walk earned little more 
than a few half-hearted claps from her teammates. Drawing on her previous lie of 
working as a bartender, Crystal quickly made up a story about jumping into a 
fight between two drunks. Lisa's ground out ended the first half of the inning, 
forcing the Airhearts to stop their ogling of Crystal and pick up their gloves 
to defend against the Bee's bats.
"So what did Laura say to you about it?" Crystal asked, her voice carrying the 
short distance from the fence to first base.
"She said you were going to be out of work for a few days," Jenny replied.
"Yup."
"How do you feel about what happened last night?"
Crystal shrugged. "I dunno. It's just something that happened. No biggie."
"Uh huh," Jenny said dubiously. "I always get smacked around at work." She 
interrupted the conversation to position herself to receive a relay throw from 
second. After the umpire called the Bee out, the first basemen threw the ball to 
the pitcher. "Are you going to give working for Michael a shot?"
"I don't know. I don't think I can do that kind of work."
"I guess it's easier to give up without even trying than to take a chance, hmm?" 
Again their talk was disrupted by the ongoing game as the Bee's shortstop 
smacked a line drive past the third baseman. Within seconds Carol Winters 
rounded first and easily jogged into second. The other half of the Freeze Zone 
stepped up to the plate, taking a stance identical to the one her sister had 
just moments before.
"It won't look good if they trounce you right in the first inning, Doc."
"Hey Crystal? Bite me."
"Ooh, now there's an offer," one of the Airhearts sitting on the bench hooted.
Thunk. The softball and bat connected, this time sending the ball into left 
field. Laura reacted quickly, her cleats giving her much needed traction on the 
dry grass. With a lunge she was able to catch the ball but the resulting belly 
slide left her in no position to stop the lead runner from advancing to third. 
Aggravated, she brushed uselessly at the grass stains on her pants as she walked 
back to her position.
"What's she upset about?" Crystal asked. "She got the out."
"She didn't want Winters to advance. Now anything out of the infield is a run."
"Don't worry, Honey," Carmen said, leaning elbow to shoulder with Crystal 
against the top of the fence. "I'm sure she'll let you console her after the 
game."
Is that all they think about? Crystal thought to herself, shifting slightly to 
the right to break the skin to skin contact with Carmen. The dark-skinned 
pitcher took the hint well, suddenly developing an irresistible need to make 
sure she didn't forget her keys in her car. "She's something else," Crystal said 
when the Cuban woman was out of earshot.
"She certainly is," Jenny replied, watching as the batter struck out. "You're 
going to have to get used to it around here. By the way, why didn't you wear 
that tank top like you did last week? We could use all the help we can get." A 
fly ball to center caught by Toni ended the inning. "Why don't you get Laura a 
drink? She's bound to be hot after all that running around out there."
Duh, of course. "Sure, what do you think she wants?"
"Iced tea, probably."
"Got it." Crystal jogged over to the cooler and flipped open the lid. Several 
cans stood out through the crushed ice and she located the iced tea quickly. She 
returned to the fence just as the right fielder reached the bench.
"Oh, thanks," Laura said as she took the can. "I can't believe how hot it is out 
here."
"It's great for working on a tan." The blonde woman held out her arm to prove 
her point.
"And for getting heatstroke," the writer said, taking off her cap and wiping the 
sweat from her brow. She took another long swallow from the can before handing 
it back to Crystal. "I'm up first, see you in a few."
"Good luck. Knock it out of the park."
"I'll try."
Jenny walked up and leaned back against the fence. "Wagner is pitching. Laura 
always has problems with the lefties."
"She strikes out?"
"No. Usually she hits it…" Thunk. "…right at the shortstop," she finished.
The area protected by the Winters twins was jokingly referred to as the Ice 
Block due to the difficulty in getting a hit past them. The block proved to be 
impenetrable as the game went on and every attempt by the Airhearts bats to even 
up the score was met by an umpire's raised fist and an 'out' call. By the top of 
the seventh inning, the Bees were enjoying a four to zero score and taking 
advantage of the lead to add insult to injury. Jenny was struck by a pitch, the 
bruised wrist worth getting on first base. Donna managed a bloop single over the 
first baseman's head to put runners at first and second with no outs.
Watching from the fence, Crystal nudged Laura with her elbow. "Hey, looks like 
we got a chance."
"Yeah, a snowball's chance in hell maybe. Toni is one of our best hitters but 
she always drives the ball into left field. She doesn't stand a chance against 
the twins."
"Maybe I should have worn that tank top," the blonde mused. "Oh look!"
Toni hit a routine grounder up the middle but it took a bad hop just as the 
pitcher reached for it. The resulting bounce off the edge of the pitcher's glove 
sent the ball going in an unexpected direction. By the time the Winter twins 
were able to get to the ball, all three runners were safe. The Airheart's dugout 
went berserk, enjoying for the first time the sight of bases loaded with blue 
and white instead of yellow and black.
"Bases loaded and our cleanup batter coming to the plate." Laura adjusted her 
cap and cupped her mouth with her hands. "Come on, Lisa! You can do it!"
Crystal clapped and joined in. "Yeah Lisa!"
"I'd better get to the on deck circle. I'm next if she doesn't hit into a double 
play."
Swish…thwap! "Strike one!"
Laura clapped again, encouraging the other teammates to do the same. "That's all 
right, Lisa. It's only strike one." She turned to face Crystal. "Wish me luck."
Swish…thwap! "Strike two!"
"Good luck."
Laura picked up her bat and walked to the on deck circle. She barely got a 
practice swing in before she hear the swish…thwap followed by the predictable 
call from the umpire. Oh great, now it's on me. Holding the bat with both hands, 
she lifted it over her hand and stretched, acutely aware of the dampness under 
her arms. Walking to the plate, she looked over to see Jenny waiting on third 
base, smiling and giving her the thumbs up sign.
"Okay Julie, one more out," the catcher called as Laura stepped up to the plate. 
Looking out at the infield, twins made it clear they had no intention of letting 
a hit get past them. I just have to concentrate and hit the ball. Of course it 
was more than just hitting the ball. She had to make sure it was high enough to 
get over the Ice Block but not so high that an outfielder could get under it. 
Flexing her fingers around the handle, she leaned on her back foot and awaited 
the pitch.
Swish…thwap! "Strike one!"
"Come on, knock it out of the park!" With her back to Crystal, Laura couldn't 
see her but she easily heard the words of encouragement. The sound of a fist 
hitting a glove drew her eyes to the curly-haired shortstop. An almost sinister 
grin met her gaze and she swallowed reflexively. Maybe I can pull the ball. She 
looked hopefully at the gap between first and second base. Laura kept that 
thought on her mind as the pitcher lobbed the ball at the plate.
This time her bat made contact but her swing was far too early, weakly sending 
the softball into foul territory. Holding the bat between her knees, Laura wiped 
her upper lip and focused her gaze on home plate. One more strike and the 
tradition of the Bees trouncing the Airhearts would continue. She barely heard 
the rumble of her teammates as she nervously assumed her stance. Her jersey felt 
as though it was made of thick wool against her sweat soaked skin and her sports 
bra was decidedly damp.
She almost swung at the next pitch but managed to hold back at the last instant, 
smiling when she heard the umpire call ball one. Laura let out a deep breath. 
"Oh thank God."
"Weren't sure about that one, were you?" the catcher teased. "You know Carol's 
just waiting for you to hit it to her." As if on cue, the shortstop pounded her 
glove and glared at the batter.
Please don't let me hit it to her, please don't let me hit it to her. Gripping 
the bat tighter, she waited for fate to determine if she would be a hero or a 
goat.
It was a perfect throw: a slow arcing toss just to the left of center. 
Committing herself, Laura swung as hard as she could, the impact of ball against 
aluminum making her hands shake. It was just over the first baseman's reach and 
dropped to the ground well ahead of the right fielder. She was so happy that it 
wasn't scooped by the Winters twins that it took her a second to remember to run 
to first base. She thought hard about going to second but stopped short when she 
saw Toni double back, leaving her no room to advance. Both Jenny and Donna 
scored, cutting the Bee's lead in half. Laura smiled and, with one foot on first 
base, leaned heavily toward second. Kelly had a strong bat and was a good clutch 
hitter, giving the team hope that with two runners on base that they had a 
chance against the Bees. Their hopes were not to be, however, as Kelly hit a 
hard shot right at the Ice Block. Carol scooped the grounder up and flipped it 
to her sister, waiting patiently on second base to force Laura out. With a 
casual flip of the wrist, Coral tossed the ball at the umpire. "Good hit," she 
said before trotting over to exchange high fives with her teammates. Laura stood 
at second base for a moment longer, staring at the retreating forms with 
disbelief.
"Hey, it was a good game," Jenny said as she came up behind her.
"We still lost," Laura pointed out.
"But we didn't lose by as much because of you." They began walking over to the 
Airheart's bench. "Look on the bright side, you finally got hit against the Ice 
Block. That's cause for celebration, don't you think?"
Laura stopped and gave Jenny a look. "Any excuse to go to Ameilia's, hmm?"
"Actually I can't go. I told you I have to go see Mom tonight."
"Well then, I'll probably just go home and get back to writing. No fun to go out 
alone." As they approached the others, Laura broke off to talk to Crystal.
"You did great," the blonde woman said as her roommate approached. "I thought 
you guys had it."
"So did I," Laura admitted. "It was a good game, even if the Bees clobbered us 
again." She picked up her glove and bat. "Can you handle the cooler?"
"Sure, it's a lot emptier now than when we got here. The water's already dumped 
out."
They walked out to the parking lot, pausing for Laura to exchange words with her 
teammates. Crystal leaned against the Jeep waiting for her roommate while 
several Airhearts stood in a circle talking about the game. After trying the 
door handle twice, the blonde gave up and looked around. A brightly colored 
flyer caught her eye. She looked over at Laura, finding her still trapped in a 
sea of blue and white uniforms. Curious, she walked over to read the 
advertisement.
"No, really. I have to get home and get some writing done," Laura apologized. 
"Any other time I'd love to come out." Walking toward her car, she noticed the 
cooler sitting on the ground without her roommate standing nearby. She spotted 
Crystal standing near the utility shed. Quietly walking up behind her, Laura 
read the flyer taped to the wall announcing the county fair. "You ready to go?" 
she asked, causing Crystal to jump with surprise.
"Oh, yeah I guess so."
"Do you like the fairs?"
"Yeah, I went to them a couple of times when I was a kid." Crystal turned around 
and they headed toward the Jeep.
"You should go," Laura said. "They have those pay one price, get all the rides 
free passes."
"Naw, it's no fun going alone." Crystal waited for her to unlock the door, then 
put the cooler in the back seat. "Besides, I don't think my crappy car will make 
it over to Blue Hill."
Nodding noncommittally, Laura entered the driver's side and put the key in the 
ignition. A quick side glance showed some dirt on the side of Crystal's face, no 
doubt caused by the dust kicked up during the game. "In the glove box is some of 
those pre-moistened towelletes, You should clean your lip. No sense encouraging 
infection." She watched as Crystal opened the packed and gently wiped over and 
around the bruised and cut area. No. I have to go home and finish that scene, 
she thought to herself as the Jeep roared to life. I don't have time to go play 
all those games and ride the pirate ship and… 
"You know what? That was a pretty good hit I had out there today."
"Oh yeah," Crystal agreed. "I was hoping you'd get a hit. Nothing worse than 
striking out with the bases loaded."
"You're right. I think this calls for a celebration. You feel up to going to the 
fair? Just for a little while?"
"You mean with you?"
"Of course. I haven't been to the fair in years. I bet it would be fun." Making 
the decision, Laura turned left instead of right at the parking lot exit and 
pointed the Jeep toward Blue Hill. I'll just stay up late tonight and catch up, 
she told herself.
*******************
"Look at all the traffic," Crystal said as they turned off the highway and onto 
the road that lead to the fairgrounds.
"It's probably the last Saturday that it's here before they tear down and 
continue on their circuit or route or whatever they call it." Laura pressed the 
button on the end of the directional signal, sending streams of blue liquid onto 
her windshield. "I can't believe how dusty this road is. I'm going to have to 
wash the car on the way home."
"A little dirt never hurt a car. I let the rain wash mine."
"That's why mine has a nice shiny finish and yours is all faded," Laura replied, 
pressing hard on the brakes when the van in front of her came to a sudden stop. 
"I haven't been to the fair in years. I forgot what a pain it is to park."
"Do you want to just forget it and go home?" Crystal offered, much to Laura's 
surprise.
"Is that what you want?"
"I dunno," she shrugged. "I didn't realize you'd have to wait so long just to 
get the car parked. It's probably packed." She looked longingly at the Ferris 
wheel off in the distance.
"Oh." Laura turned her head toward the driver's side window, smiling to herself. 
She knew her roommate was giving her a way out. "Naw. We're not that far away 
now. Once we get parked and inside it'll be fine, I'm sure." The traffic inched 
up slightly. "See, we're moving again."
It took another fifteen minutes before they finally reached the parking areas. 
Laura's eyes widened at the sign announcing four dollars for parking but it was 
Crystal who spoke up.
"I can't believe it. That's ridiculous. It's just a big empty field. How can 
they charge for parking?"
"Because they know we're going to pay it instead of driving all the way up to 
the truck stop and walking down," the writer said, reaching into her pocket and 
pulling out several bills.
"Here, let me get it," Crystal said, holding out a five dollar bill.
"How about we split it?" She countered, holding up three singles. Minutes later 
the Jeep was parked near a shady tree. Crystal hopped out quickly, her first 
desire to have a cigarette after the long ride. After locking the Jeep and 
putting the keys in her fanny pack, Laura walked over to her side. "Look, 
there's a big tent. Maybe they have a circus too."
"That would account for the smell." The blonde wrinkled her nose. "A least a 
petting zoo."
"We'll have to make sure we stay upwind of them." They walked over to the gate, 
grumbling to each other about the admission price. Without meaning to, Laura 
noticed that Crystal had only a five and three ones left after paying the 
exorbitant amount. They walked past the bandstand where a barber shop quartet 
warmed up for later performances and a booth offering to make them millionaires 
buying distressed properties.
"Hey, come here," Crystal called, already heading toward the keg-shaped beer 
cart. "What kind do you like?"
"Oh, no thanks," she replied. "I'm driving, remember?"
"We just got here. One beer won't kill you." The blonde turned to the clerk. 
"Two Millers."
"Really, it's all right, I…" Laura gave up her protest when she saw the amber 
liquid filling the clear plastic cup. The sun pounding down on her dark hair 
didn't help either. "Well, I suppose one won't hurt."
"Oh please." Crystal rolled her eyes playfully and took a healthy swallow of her 
drink while handing over Laura's. They stood at the end of the Midway, sipping 
their beers and looking around at the various game booths before them.
The closest game booth caught Laura's eye. "Hey, you want to give this one a 
try?"
"I've never played it before," Crystal said as she threw her empty cup in a 
nearby trash can. "How does it work?"
"You see that water gun? You aim at the clown's mouth and that makes the car go 
up the pole. First one to the top wins." While she was talking, Laura was also 
guiding Crystal toward the booth. She unzipped her fanny pack and pulled out 
several bills. "I'll even treat for the first game."
"You don't have to do that, I have money," the stripper protested, reaching into 
her pocket.
"You got the beer. Let me get this game, okay?"
Crystal hesitated for a moment before nodding and sitting on the nearest stool. 
Laura smiled and after brushing the seat off with her hand, sat down on the 
stool next to her, holding the money out for the attendant. The teenaged girl 
took the money and pressed something behind the stand with her foot.
"Shoot only at the targets. No leaning. First one to the top gets choice of the 
bottom row. Upgrades allowed only with prizes won at this game." The girl said 
the words over and over as she moved down the row collecting money. "When the 
bell sounds, aim for the center of the clown's mouth. Good luck."
Brrringgg. Laura managed to get an early jump as Crystal took precious seconds 
getting her aim corrected. The cars moved up the poles, the blue one ahead of 
the red. Higher and higher they went until the bell sounded again. The numbered 
globe above Laura's car flashed rapidly, announcing her as the winner.
"Congrats," Crystal said as she put her water gun back in its holster. The teen 
walked down and stood in front of Laura.
"Anything on the bottom shelf."
The bottom shelf consisted of small plastic trolls with a rainbow of hair 
colors. "The green one," she decided. Taking her prize and stuffing it into her 
fanny pack, Laura walked away from the game, Crystal right beside her. "Now what 
would you like you do?" she asked, stopping to finish the beer that was getting 
decidedly warmer as time passed.
"Have you ever been on the Pirate Ship ride?" she asked, pointing at the 
longboat shaped ride swinging like a pendulum.
"No."
"You want to try it?"
"I dunno." Crystal gave a familiar shrug and looked at the ticket booth. "What 
does it cost to go on a ride?"
Laura reached over and hooked her finger under the green plastic wristband on 
the younger woman's arm. "Nothing. All the rides are free with the bracelets."
"Oh." Crystal stared at the large ride for a moment. "Have you been on it 
before?"
"Years ago. Jenny and I used to sit as close to the end of the boat as we could. 
It's more fun that way. Look, the line isn't that long."
"I haven't been on any of these kind of things since I was in the fifth grade 
and went on a school field trip." She continued to look at the ride, listening 
to the happy screams of the participants as the longboat rocked back and forth, 
going almost vertical before going one hundred eighty degrees in the other 
direction.
"It's really very safe. And fun," Laura added. "I'll tell you what. Go on the 
Pirate Ship with me and I promise to go on any ride you want."
"Can we sit towards the middle? It doesn't go up as high."
"If that's what it takes to get you to go on it with me." The ship ride 
continued to swing, although it was slower now and not going as high, signaling 
the end of the ride. Looking at the line, the writer realized if they hurried 
they might even make it with the next load of riders. She reached out and 
grabbed Crystal's wrist. "Come on, it'll be fun." I'll get you to sit at one of 
the ends next time, she thought to herself as they stood at the end of the line.
They were too far back to get on the ride this time but being close to the front 
of the line still had its advantages. At this closeness, the sound of the motors 
and the screams of the riders were all encompassing, making conversation almost 
impossible. Deciding the rail was much too filthy to lean against, Laura stood 
and divided her time between watching the ride and watching Crystal watch the 
ride. She found it hard to reconcile the pot smoking, beer guzzling, 
tough-as-nails person with the woman staring a bit fearfully at the thrill ride. 
Then it hit her. She hasn't been to a place like this since she was in fifth 
grade. That'd make her what, about ten or so? She probably couldn't even go on 
something like this back then. No wonder she's scared. Maybe we should start out 
on something easier, like the tilt-a-whirl. She gently nudged Crystal's 
shoulder. "If you want to go do something else and come back to this later, it's 
okay."
"No, we're going to be on the next ride. As long as you don't make me sit on the 
ends, I think I'll be okay." Despite her bravado, Crystal's words still came out 
sounding nervous. Without thought Laura reached over and lightly patted her 
roommate's back.
"I'll be right there next to you. I promise it'll be fun."
The ride came to a stop and the people exited. After a quick cursory inspection 
of the seats and restraint bars, the greasy haired attendant threw his cigarette 
on the ground and opened the entrance gate. "Secure any loose items. Keep your 
hands and legs inside the ride at all times." The line moved forward and up the 
steps to the loading level. Laura followed Crystal to the seat closest to the 
center of the ship, jostled by teenagers trying to get to the coveted back 
seats. Crystal slid in first, moving across the padded bench seat to make room 
for Laura.
"There's no seat belts," the nervous blonde pointed out.
"No need." She pointed at the metal bar currently in the raised position. 
"Before the ride starts they'll lower the bar. That'll be enough to keep us in 
our seats."
Crystal reached out and touched the thick black pad surrounding the safety bar. 
"I don't know about this."
Laura scooted closer, their hips almost touching. "Trust me, this will be fun."
"I'm not a wimp," she said, fastening the button on her shirt pocket to keep her 
cigarettes in place. "When I was little I went on the scrambler and the kiddy 
roller coasters. They were fun."
"Well now just think how much fun it will be on the bigger rides," the writer 
countered. A resounding series of clicks were heard as the safety bars were 
lowered into place. "Ah, here we go. It's almost time."
"Hey, I can still move around behind this bar," Crystal said. "It doesn't hold 
me tight."
"It's not supposed to." Laura reached over and patted the hand gripped tightly 
around the padded bar. "Please Crystal. Trust me on this, okay?"
"I do trust you. I just don't trust this ride."
But it was too late for protests as the ship started moving. "Here we go," Laura 
said, casually resting her wrists on the safety bar. The longboat was suspended 
by support beams on each end connected to an axis thirty feet in air above the 
center of the ride. An engine hidden beneath the ride powered a rotating tire 
that moved along the bottom of the ship to give the ride its momentum.
"Oh God," Crystal said as the ride gained speed, moving back and forth raising 
up in a gradually increasing arc. The wind blew her hair back and forth, 
momentarily blocking Laura's view of her friend's face.
"Hang on, it's going to go higher," she said with a smile. On the next swing, 
the longboat shaped ride went even higher, causing their stomachs to flip-flop. 
Crystal giggled at the unusual feeling, a smile coming to her face.
"That feels funny."
"Yeah," Laura agreed. "Let's raise our arms next time as it's going down."
"Not on your life," the younger woman said firmly, strengthening her grip on the 
safety bar.
"Wuss." The writer raised her arms as did many others on the ride. "Whee," she 
yelled as they descended, lowering them only on the upswing. "Come on, it's 
fun."
"Uh huh," Crystal said dubiously, refusing to release her grip. Still the smile 
remained on her face as they swung back and forth. The ride swung to an almost 
vertical position before coming back down.
"Whee," they said in unison. One of the teenagers who fought so hard to get to 
the back seats apparently failed to follow the attendants instructions to keep 
everything secured. His blue baseball cap sailed off, fluttering to the ground 
below. Crystal laughed at both his frantic attempt to catch it and the thrill of 
the speeding ride. Far too soon for Laura, the ride slowed, the arc lessened, 
and soon they found themselves sitting still waiting for the safety bar to be 
raised. The roommates became separated as they exited the ride, meeting up 
moments later on the ground. The first words out of Crystal's mouth was "That 
was fun. Can we do it again?"
Laura couldn't help but laugh. "I told you you'd enjoy it once you got on it."
"Oh man, I can't believe how fast that thing goes," Crystal said, using her 
fingers to hook her hair behind her ear. "It's a good thing we haven't eaten 
yet."
"The pirate ship is murder on the stomach," Laura agreed, similarly moving her 
shorter hair back into place. "But it is so much fun."
"Oh yeah. Let's do it again."
The initial hesitation in the twenty-five year old was gone, replaced by an 
enthusiasm associated more with people half her age. They went on the ride 
again, this time Laura convincing her to sit a couple of seats back from the 
center. Crystal still kept her hands on the safety bar but it did nothing to 
dampen her enjoyment of the ride. After that they decided to spend some time on 
the ground, walking along the Midway checking out the various games of skill and 
chance.
"That looks pretty easy," Crystal said. "All you have to do is knock the bottles 
off with a baseball."
"The trick is you have to knock them completely off the stand in order to win." 
Still, it does look pretty easy, Laura thought to herself. One dollar per throw. 
Well, I suppose it won't hurt to try. "You want to take a shot at it?"
"Me? Hell no," the younger woman scoffed. "I couldn't hit the broad side of a 
barn from ten feet away. You're the outfielder."
Laura was already unzipping her fanny pack in search of some singles. She 
stepped up and handed a bill to the attendant. One bottle was stacked on top of 
two others and a ball was handed to her. She nodded at the instructions and 
hefted the ball in her left hand. Her first throw was high, knocking off the top 
bottle but leaving the bottom two standing. Immediately she pulled out another 
bill. I can do this. The bottles were reset.
"Come on, Laura. You can do it," Crystal encouraged. The next shot knocked the 
bottles down but only two rolled off the stand. The next two shots proved 
equally fruitless but on the fifth try she jumped with delight when all three 
bottles hit the ground.
"Choice, bottom shelf," the attendant said.
"You pick it," Laura said to her roommate.
"Naw, you're the one who won it."
"No really. You pick it."
"Okay…" Crystal looked at the various stuffed bears. "The red one." It was 
almost a foot in height, far too big to be squeezed into Laura's fanny pack. 
"I'll hold it for you," she offered.
"Hold it for me? No Crystal. You keep it. You picked it out."
"You sure?"
"Sure." She reached out and took the bear, checking the seams to make sure they 
weren't split as so many of the stuffed toys won at fairs and carnivals were. 
Satisfied that it wasn't defective, she handed it back to Crystal. "You'll just 
have to win something for me later."
"How about I buy you another beer instead? I told you, I have lousy aim."
"Tell you what. I'll buy this round and you pick out the next ride." One more 
beer won't hurt me. We're going to be here for a few more hours yet. They walked 
over to the beer cart. "What kind?"
"Miller if they have it."
"Is that what we had last time?"
"Yeah."
"That was fine." Laura turned to the man. "Two Millers."
They continued on, passing cotton candy and popcorn booths. The sun was starting 
to set and the Midway twinkled with the glow of multi-colored blinking lights. 
"Oh, look at that!" Crystal said excitedly, pointing at an open tent housing 
gaming tables. "I bet they have blackjack in there."
"They have gambling at the fair?"
"Yeah, look. There's a dice game. Let's go look."
Laura had no choice but to follow as Crystal quickly crossed the distance and 
entered the tent. Indeed the area was a mini casino, with blackjack, poker, 
craps, and various other games of chance. Crystal set her beer on the felt 
covered table and pulled up a chair. "I'm good at blackjack," she said. Laura 
watched as she pulled two dollars out of her pocket and set them on the table. 
"I'm in," she said to the dealer. He was dressed in a typical fashion, white 
shirt with black vest, a green plastic visor on his head. He nodded and looked 
at Laura questioningly.
Realizing she would have to play in order to remain sitting next to Crystal, 
Laura pulled out two dollars as well and set them on the table. She leaned over 
and quietly said to her roommate "You're going to have to help me out here."
"No prob," Crystal said, picking up her beer. "Patty and I used to play this 
together all the time." The dealer quickly dealt the cards, giving Crystal two 
jacks and Laura a seven and a four. The dealer showed a seven, the other one was 
face down on the table. "Ooh," the blonde said excitedly. "Double down."
"What?"
"Put two more bucks up. Chances are you'll get a face card and beat him."
"And if I don't, I'm out four bucks."
"You'll beat him, trust me." Crystal looked at the dealer. "I'll stay."
Laura did as instructed, receiving another card from the dealer. "I got a nine."
"That's fine. You have twenty, just like me. If he has a face card, he can't 
draw. He has to stop at seventeen and over, pull on sixteen and under." The 
cards were dealt to the other players before the dealer flipped his face card 
over, revealing a ten.
"Dealer has seventeen," he said. "Pays eighteen and over." He put two Susan B. 
Anthony dollar coins in front of Crystal and four in front of Laura.
"You can put your money away and just play with theirs now," the blonde said, 
stuffing her bills into her front pocket. Laura neatly folded hers and put it in 
her fanny pack. She also pulled two of the four coins back off the playing area, 
keeping her bet even with Crystal's. She never noticed that the table minimum 
was only one dollar.
The cards were dealt again, Crystal getting a ten on the first pass while Laura 
received a six. Both women became excited when the ace of spades was laid on top 
of Crystal's card. "Blackjack for the pretty lady," the dealer said before 
giving Laura a three. He finished dealing the cards before putting three dollar 
coins in Crystal's betting circle.
"What do I do?"
"Hit," Crystal answered. Laura nodded at the dealer. A quick flick of the wrist 
and a king of hearts appeared with her other cards. "Okay, hold there," the 
blonde said. The dealer, understanding that the brown haired woman was taking 
the other's advice, moved on to the next player. In the end he had nineteen and 
two more coins were placed in Laura's betting circle, which she quickly added to 
the two sitting directly in front of her.
"This is good. Maybe we should quit while we're ahead," she said.
"Oh no, we're just getting started," Crystal said, reducing the coins in her 
betting circle to two. "We're still playing with their money. Come on, once we 
start losing we'll go, okay?"
An hour later the need for more beer and to stretch convinced Crystal to trade 
in her SBA dollars for paper bills. Laura kept a few for her change jar and 
converted the others to the more usual currency. "So how'd you do?" she asked as 
they headed out of the tent.
"I'm up almost forty bucks," Crystal said happily, patting her right hip pocket.
"I think I ended up with twenty. I didn't make all the high bets that you did." 
It was now dark out, the Midway lights all burning brightly for the fairgoers. 
"I'm getting hungry. Think there's anything healthy here?"
"Not unless you consider sausage and hot dogs healthy," Crystal teased, pointing 
in the direction of the food court, an offshoot where several tables and food 
carts were set in a semicircle. "Let's go see what they have up there."
Laura didn't trust anything with mayonnaise in it after a long hot day nor did 
she want anything deep fried. Crystal happily ordered herself a cheeseburger and 
chili fries along with another beer. Hoping it wasn't too oily, the writer 
settled on a piece of plain pizza and bottled water. She followed her roommate 
to a white plastic table. "Hold on," she said, setting her plate and water on a 
nearby table. "Let me wipe that down."
"Ah, what's a few crumbs," Crystal said, brushing her side off with the back of 
her hand.
"There's ketchup and something sticky there too," she said, using a squirt of 
her water to dampen a paper napkin. "It'll only take a minute." Laura wiped down 
the top and sides of the table before moving to her chair and making sure that 
received a good wiping as well. Crystal had already settled down and was halfway 
through her burger when Laura decided it was clean enough to put her food on.
"You worry about things too much," Crystal complained good-naturedly. "A dirty 
seat won't kill you. What are you going to do when you have to make a trip to 
one of the portable toilets? Squat?"
"Definitely." Laura shuddered visibly at the thought of having to use the smelly 
rest room. She dabbed the top of her cheese with a napkin, soaking up the excess 
oil. "How's the burger?"
"Good. You should try the chili fries. They're out of this world." The smile 
that had been present throughout the evening was still there between bites.
Laura smiled to herself and lifted the slice to her lips. She had no doubt that 
Crystal was having one of the best nights she'd had in a long time, if ever. 
Even having to breathe the second hand smoke as they played blackjack was worth 
it. Thinking of the money in her wallet, she smiled to realize that she was also 
enjoying herself more than usual. Crystal's enthusiasm was rubbing off on her, 
explaining why she spent over an hour gambling, something her Baptist father had 
viewed as a sin and strictly forbidden. The closest she'd come before was 
playing for chips with Jenny and the boys.
"Hey, you listening to me?" Crystal asked, snapping her out of her musings.
"Oh, sorry."
"I said you should try the chili fries." She pushed the plate across the table. 
"Come on, live dangerously."
"No, really. I don't think…"
"I didn't think I could handle that pirate ship ride either but I did it. One 
fry won't kill you."
"Fine, just one." Laura poked the fork into the chili covered pile and took a 
bite. "Oh, that's spicy," she mumbled around the mouthful of food as she reached 
for the water.
"Yeah, that's what makes it so good," Crystal said. "Beer works better than 
water." 
"I'll stick to the water, thanks," she replied, draining half her bottle in an 
attempt to cool down the inferno she felt on her tongue. "So what do you want to 
do after this?"
"We could go back to the tent." Crystal leaned back in her chair, resting her 
ankle on her opposite knee. "You wouldn't have a barrette in there would you?" 
she asked, pointing at the fanny pack.
"No but I thought I saw them somewhere." She sat up and looked around. "I think 
they were a prize in those crank machines."
"Really?" Crystal ran her fingers through her shoulder length hair and shook it 
out. "I should have thought to bring one."
"Those games are a waste of money. It takes a miracle to win."
"Well, I've got a few bucks of theirs, I'm willing to give it a shot if it means 
keeping my hair off the back of my neck."
Laura passed over a napkin. "Better make sure you keep that cut clean."
"Thanks. It hasn't been hurting or anything and I forgot about it."
You haven't thought about any of those bad things today, have you? "Oh!" She 
opened her fanny pack. "You know what…I have…" Pushing things around, she 
finally located what she was looking for. "There it is." She pulled the black 
elastic band out and held it up for Crystal to see. "I wasn't thinking when you 
asked for a barrette. I've had this hairband with me the entire time."
The blonde pounced on the hairband. "Yes, perfect."
"You want help?"
"Naw, that's okay. I can get it." Twisting the band in half, Crystal gathered 
her hair and fastened it into a ponytail, allowing the cooling air to reach the 
back of her neck. "Oh, that's much better." She drained her beer and set the 
empty cup on top of her plate. "You ready?"
"Ready for what? You still haven't told me what you want to do next and don't 
even think of suggesting the tent again."
"Okay, how about another ride?"
"Sure." Laura stood and collected the trash from the table. "Which one?"
"How about the tea cups? Unless you get dizzy from spinning."
"Me? It's you I worry about. I don't want to see that cheeseburger again."
"Oh please," Crystal laughed. "After all the drinking I've done, I don't think 
an innocent ride on something like the tea cups will bother me."
"I don't know. I've seen you after one of those binges, remember?" Laura smiled 
at the way Crystal covered her face with her hands. "Don't worry about it. I'm 
sure you'll be fine."
The tea cup ride was a group of twelve cup shaped cars that spun around on 
individual tracks attached to a larger surface that also rotated, creating speed 
and centrifugal force. In the middle of the 'tea cups' was a wheel that the 
passengers could use to help make themselves spin faster. Headrests helped 
protect the neck from the strain during the height of the ride. They were lucky 
enough to not have a large line waiting for the ride, allowing them to get a tea 
cup all to themselves. Sitting opposite each other, they waited impatiently for 
the ride to begin. Crystal kept the red stuffed bear wedged between her and the 
seat, not wanting it to fly out once the ride started. "You know," Laura began, 
"If we both start tugging on this like it was a steering wheel, I bet we can get 
it to start spinning.
"I'm game if you are," Crystal replied, putting her hands on the top of the 
wheel. Because they were opposite each other, Laura had to reach around her 
roommate's arms to put her hands where they belonged. "Clockwise or 
counter-clockwise?"
"Counter."
"Okay." It started slow and required a bit of huffing and puffing but soon they 
had a steady rhythm going and the tea cup spun in a circle, making everything 
they looked at a blur of light and color. With a jerking motion, the ride began. 
The speed that they were able to create on their own was no match to what the 
ride generated. In less than a minute they were whipping around in circles, the 
force causing Crystal to lose her grip on the wheel. She let her head lean back 
against the padded headrest and giggled. Laura stopped trying to keep up with 
the spinning wheel and relaxed as well, closing her eyes and feeling the 
spinning motion with her body. 
"This would be cool stoned," Crystal said without thought. "I mean…well…"
Eyes still closed, Laura smiled. "I know what you mean."
"It's fun this way too, it's just different that way."
"I'm sure it is," she said, opening her eyes and reaching for the wheel. "Let's 
see if we can make this go faster." Putting her hands in position, she casually 
followed the current speed while waiting for Crystal to reach in and help. 
Together they began letting the wheel slide between the fingers until it started 
to slow down. Working together as if team, they jerked the wheel, sending the 
tea cup into another fast spin. Their hands constantly tangled, sending both 
into fits of laughter. Both were smiling and giggling like schoolgirls, no 
explanation or talk necessary. "Faster," Laura urged.
"Yeah, faster!" Crystal readily agreed, picking up the speed of her pulls on the 
wheel. At one point both had to lean back and close their eyes, the ride and 
their own speed making everything spin at an incredible rate.
"Oh man, this might be too fast," Crystal moaned, resting her hand on her belly.
Oh no, don't you dare get sick on this ride. Scooting across the seat, Laura 
moved next to her. "Does it hurt or do you feel nauseous?"
"It hurts."
"I have an idea." Reaching between Crystal and the seat, she used her fingers to 
rhythmically thump the younger woman's back. "Try to burp." A quick spin sent 
her back against the seat but it also did the trick. Crystal let out a very 
unladylike belch.
"Sorry."
"That's okay. It's probably from all that beer." Feeling the ride slowing down, 
Laura slid back over to her side of the seat.
"Speaking of which," Crystal said, straightening up in her seat. "We'd better 
find the potties after this."
"Good idea," she agreed, feeling her own bladder protest. When the ride came to 
a stop she chivalrously held the wheel with her hands to keep the cup from 
moving while Crystal picked up the stuffed bear and stepped out. The attendant 
held the car for Laura, freely looking up and down her body. There was a great 
temptation to make a comment to greasy attendant but she chose against it, 
wanting to get away from the body odor wafting at her as soon as possible.
Crystal was waiting for her outside of the ride area. "I think they're up here," 
she said, referring to the portable toilets. They walked further away from the 
rides and game booths, soon coming upon a slight incline where they made out the 
silhouette of the toilets. As they approached, the sound of men laughing nearby 
reached them. Laura looked over and saw the dim outlines of tents and campers of 
the carnival workers. Whether it was the lack of light or fear that made Crystal 
move closer to her, she wasn't sure. "Um, do you want to take turns standing 
guard for each other?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah that would be a good idea," Crystal answered quietly, her eyes looking 
around in the darkness for any movement. Deciding that her second guess was the 
reason for the sudden physical closeness, Laura was glad her friend accepted her 
offer. After smelling the faint odor of pot and something she couldn't identify, 
she wasn't sure she wanted to be alone out here either.
The trip fortunately went without incident, both women doing what they had to do 
and they were quickly on their way back to the heart of the fair. Just before 
they reached the Midway, Crystal reached out and put her hand on Laura's 
forearm, stopping her. "Um…" The nearby floodlight gave little illumination in 
that particular area, barely enough for her to see Crystal's face. "Um…" the 
blonde tried again. "Thanks for back there. I know you did it for me." She 
looked around, still nervous of the shadows in the dark.
"Hey…" She reached out, catching the stripper's chin and tilting her face so 
their eyes met. "I know it's got to be scary for you out there in the dark."
Crystal nodded and began slowly walking back to the fair, Laura quickly falling 
into step beside her. "But I'm having fun," the young woman said firmly. "I'm 
not going to let that scare me." She gave Laura a playful nudge. "Come on, let's 
go find a game where I can kick your ass and win you a prize." Crystal held the 
teddy bear up to show her. "Maybe I can even win one bigger than this one."
Laura held back her initial protests. Surely she could find room in her bedroom 
for a stuffed animal if Crystal wanted to win her one so bad. "Sure, sounds like 
fun. Let's go see what which game has the best prizes."
While searching for the biggest teddy bears, they stopped for Crystal to buy 
another beer and bottled water. While waiting, Laura let her eyes wander around, 
taking in the sights and sounds of the annual fair. People of all ages were 
about, from little children being carried by their parents to elderly couples 
using canes and trying hard to avoid being run over by the rambunctious teens. 
Brilliant twinkling caught her eye and Laura moved closer to the source.
Perfect, she thought when she saw the brightly painted sign. The crystal game. 
What had drawn her attention were the snowflake shaped crystals dangling from 
thin plastic string. They were the perfect size for dangling off her rear view 
mirror and it had been something Laura thought about buying before but never had 
gotten around to it. She looked at the game, trying to figure out the trick to 
winning. Unfortunately there wasn't really any easy way to win. A large flat 
table sat in the middle of the booth. Several muffin pans were pressed together, 
each cup a different color. The square area was roped off and a less than fully 
inflated ball was used. The winners were those that had their money down on the 
color that the ball landed on. Laura quickly did the math. There were many brown 
squares, followed by green, yellow, red and black. Only one silver cup was 
visible and that was the one that the ball had to land on in order to win a 
crystal. Otherwise the winner won a gift corresponding with the winning color. 
No wonder they're real crystal and not fake plastic, she thought to herself as 
she turned away from the booth. She took only one step before finding herself 
face to face with Crystal.
"They don't have teddy bears," she said, looking at the booth that Laura had 
just walked from.
"I was looking at the crystal pendants but it's impossible to win. Come on, 
let's go find something else."
"No, wait a minute." Crystal walked up and leaned against the rail, watching and 
learning how the game was played. Reaching into her pocket, she put a quarter on 
the silver betting square. The barker continued to call for people to join in 
and win a prize but when no others were forthcoming, he was forced to hand her 
the ball. "Throw it into the pit. If your money is on the winning color, you win 
choice of that color's prizes."
Crystal threw the ball, frowning when it landed on a brown square. Laura put her 
hand on the blonde woman's shoulder. "Come on, we'll find something else to 
play."
"What would you do with it if I win?"
"I've always thought it would be nice to have one hanging from my rear view 
mirror," Laura said, letting her hand return to her side. "But you can't win 
this one. It's a trick. There's only one square on the whole board and it's in 
the corner. That's impossible to get to." The attendant overheard the dark 
haired woman's complaint and snorted, turning the pan around so the silver cup 
was away from the corner.
"You gonna put your money down or keep trying to drive away my customers?" the 
barker grumbled.
"Would you really hang it from your rear view if I win it?" Crystal asked, 
putting a quarter on the silver tile.
"Of course I would. Why wouldn't I?"
"I dunno. Usually people hang things that are important to them there, like 
graduation tassels or stuff like that. From a friend or something." Realizing 
how she sounded, Crystal took the ball and tossed it into the pit before pulling 
her cigarettes out of her pocket and lighting one.
"Exactly why I would put it there," Laura said quietly. "I always display gifts 
I get from friends." She returned the smile she saw on Crystal's face. This is 
going to take a while, she thought to herself, convinced that the cute blonde 
would spend her last dollar to win one a pendant.
It didn't take her last dollar but it was ten dollars and three beers later 
before Crystal finally managed to make the ball fall in the silver cup. "All 
right!" she yelled before being engulfed in Laura's bear hug.
"You did it!" the writer said excitedly as she stepped back. The barker, having 
gotten more money than he had expected, smiled as well and picked up the display 
rack of pendants for the dark haired woman to choose from. Laura chose a 
multi-faceted octogonal shaped snowflake design. "Oh, it's very pretty," she 
whispered, holding it up to the light and turning it this way and that to see 
the rainbow of colors reflected within. Not wanting to put it in her fanny pack, 
she checked the length of nylon attached to it and hung it around her neck. 
Crystal simply leaned against the booth and smiled, finishing off the last of 
her beer.
"I'm glad you like it," she said, fighting off a yawn.
"I do, very much," Laura assured, fingering the pendant. "Thank you."
"No prob. What do you want to do now?"
Having seen the stifled yawn, Laura decided to call the evening to an end. It 
was already after nine and she still had to try and get some writing in. "Why 
don't we go on one or two more rides and then call it a night? We're still ahead 
with what we won at the blackjack table."
"I guess it is getting late," Crystal said. "But let's do some more rides 
first."
"Sure. You name it, we're on it," she agreed.
A huge smile crossed the stripper's face. "I'll race you to the pirate ship."
"Do we get to sit at the end this time?" Laura asked hopefully.
"How about halfway between center and the end this time and all the way in the 
back next time?"
"Deal," she said, following Crystal across the Midway to the thrill ride.

Part 6
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L
 
 
 
Crystal smiled at the open parking space in front of the office building. A 
quick glance at her watch told her she had less than five minutes to get parked 
and up to Jenny's office for her session. After parking the car and putting 
several quarters into the meter, she headed through the revolving door into the 
building.
"Good morning, Miss Sheridan," Catherine said, marking Crystal's arrival off on 
the schedule chart. "Miss Foster will be right with you."
She nodded and gave a slight grunt in acknowledgement before sitting on one of 
the chairs near the wall. I need more coffee, she thought to herself, wishing 
now that she hadn't spent an extra twenty minutes sleeping this morning. Of 
course she had wanted an early appointment due to Jenny's rule about not 
drinking or smoking pot before a session. Guess I can't complain. At the sound 
of a door opening, she looked up and saw Jenny.
"Good morning, Crystal. Shall we get started?"
"Sit where you want," Jenny said as she closed the door behind them. Crystal's 
choices were still the same, the couch, chair, or bean bags. Without realizing 
why, she chose the chair, tucking her legs up beneath her on the thick leather 
cushion. "So how are you this morning?" the therapist asked as she took a seat 
on the couch, a clipboard with several papers on her lap.
"Fine," she wiped her hands on her pant legs, surprised at the feeling of her 
body temperature rising. It was a feeling she hadn't experienced since being 
called into the principal's office in high school. "I could use some more 
coffee, though."
"Help yourself. There's a pot on the table over there in the corner." Jenny 
said. "If you like, you can bring in a mug of your own to use."
"Naw, thanks anyway, Doc." She stood up and crossed over to the machine, pulling 
a white Styrofoam cup off the stack. "I don't get attached to things like mugs. 
Besides, most of what I had burned up in the fire."
"It doesn't hurt to have a favorite coffee cup, Crystal. Something special for 
you. Did you have any special things when you were a child?"
Crystal stopped pouring cream into her coffee and looked down at the mocha and 
black swirls blending together. "I didn't have anything special when I was a 
kid, Doc. Just Patty." Tossing the plastic stirrer in the trash, she went back 
to her chair and looked at her friend/therapist. "So is that why I'm so fucked 
up? Because I never had a cup of my own?"
"I would rather you didn't think of yourself as damaged goods, Crystal," Jenny 
admonished gently. "Speaking of damage. Let's talk about that awful looking 
bruise on your face."
"I told you at the game Saturday that it was nothing."
"And I believe I told you what I thought of that answer. No copping out, 
Crystal, remember? So who hit you and why?"
"Some punk assed college guy showing off for his buddies. He wanted more than a 
look and when I tried to get away he hit me."
"How did it make you feel?"
Oh great. Here we go with the touchy feely questions. "How do you think it made 
me feel?" she answered, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at the 
diplomas on the wall. They were too far away to read but it was better than 
having to look Jenny in the eye.
"I'd rather you told me than guess," Jenny countered. "Let's make the question 
even easier. Forget about that one incident. How does stripping make you feel in 
general?"
She shrugged. "It's a job."
"So is being a therapist."
Crystal caught movement out of the corner of her eye and turned her head to see 
the brown haired woman writing something. "What?"
"Hmm?"
"What are you writing?"
"I'm just making a note, Crystal. There's so much to talk about that sometimes I 
make notes to go back and focus on a particular subject."
"So what'd you write?" She was surprised when the therapist handed over the 
clipboard.
"See for yourself. There's nothing in there that is secret from you," Jenny 
said. "Anything written in there is only to help you, not hurt."
Crystal took the clipboard and looked at the top paper. A lined form showed 
today's date and several scribbled words in Jenny's handwriting. She cringed at 
one word circled in blue ink. Notebook. "Um, I uh…forgot about the notebook. I 
don't get to the store much."
"It's not going to work," Jenny said as she rose from the couch and went to her 
desk. "I can't make this happen for you. You have to want to change enough to do 
the things you need to do." She opened a drawer and pulled out a composition 
book. "Here. Bring it with you each time. You don't have to show me what's in it 
if you don't want to but I do expect you to write in it each day."
Taking the notebook, Crystal opened it and flipped the pages. Stark white with 
thin blue lines loomed before her. "I…I'm not really good at writing." The book 
was closed and set on the stand next to her coffee.
"Think of it as a diary."
"Diaries are stupid. Why write down all your secrets just so someone else can 
find them?"
"Is that what you're afraid of?" Jenny returned to her casual position on the 
couch. "That someone will use your words against you?"
"I wouldn't even know what to write about."
"Write about whatever comes to mind in whatever form you need it to be. Poetry, 
prose, a letter to an old friend, anything."
"Yeah, fine," she said, resigning herself to scribbling something in the 
notebook. Sensing a pause in the conversation, she picked up the cup of lukewarm 
coffee and took a sip.
"Are you comfortable?" Jenny asked, putting the clipboard down and sitting 
cross-legged on the couch. Crystal set the cup down and crossed her arms before 
nodding. "Good," the therapist continued. "Have you been reading your morning 
meditations?" Another nod. While she didn't take the time to think about the 
meaning of the passages, she did open the book each morning and glance at it. 
"So today's topic is about putting the blame where it belongs."
Uh oh. Crystal stiffened, shifting until her legs were tucked up beneath her. 
The feeling of being in the principal's office was returning with renewed force. 
"I know where the blame belongs," she said softly, her gaze returning to the 
safety of the cream colored diplomas on the wall.
"Where?"
"With him."
"Give him a name."
"Him. My mother's useless excuse for a husband."
"Your father."
Crystal grunted and took a deep breath.
"What did you call him?"
"You mean besides fucking asshole?" She shifted again, wishing she was allowed 
to smoke in the therapist's office.
"Besides that," Jenny said with a knowing smirk.
"We called him…" It took some effort to get the word out. "…Daddy." Crystal made 
no effort to keep the venom out of her voice. "He didn't deserve to be called 
that. I hate the bastard."
"Why?"
"You know why. I told you he hurt me and Patty."
"There are many ways to hurt someone, Crystal. What did he do?"
Her right foot began twitching nervously. "I dunno, everything I guess."
"You do know. No copouts."
Crystal turned and glared at the therapist. "He hit us," she said angrily. "He 
thought being our father gave him the right to beat the shit out of us whenever 
he wanted. That enough?" She looked back at the diplomas, waiting for the 
reaction to her outburst.
"You tell me," Jenny said calmly. "Are your nightmares about him hitting you and 
your sister?"
"They're about a lot of things," she shrugged, her anger deflated somewhat by 
the gentle tone directed at her. "Sometimes."
"What are they about most of the time?"
The foot moved faster. "Different things." Just say it, the little voice in her 
head screamed. Go ahead. Shock her ass and tell her how he used to crawl into 
your bed at night. Tell her what a dirty little girl you were. Crystal's 
breathing increased, the walls of the large office seeming far too confining. 
"I-I gotta go," she said suddenly, rising from her chair.
"Crystal, wait." Jenny stood as well, the clipboard casually tossed on the 
couch.
"No, I have to go."
"You can end a session any time you feel you have to but I don't want you to run 
off because you're afraid to face feelings that come up in here." She reached 
around Crystal and picked up the notebook. "Remember that whatever you say in 
this room, whatever you write about in this book, it stays here. No one is going 
to use it against you or judge you for it." Handing the notebook to Crystal, she 
added "Besides, I have a feeling you do enough self-judging as it is."
While the walls seemed to stop closing in, the young woman still found herself 
unable to look Jenny in the eye, choosing instead to stare at the black and 
white marbled cover of the composition book. "You think so, huh Doc?"
"Yeah, I think so," Jenny said softly. Crystal tried not to flinch when she felt 
the soft pressure of the therapist's hand on her shoulder. "We're going to work 
on that." Releasing her grasp, Jenny moved back a step. "All right, I can see 
the trapped rabbit look in your eyes. Read your meditations, write in your 
journal, and most important of all, do something nice for yourself each day."
Crystal rolled her eyes. Oh yeah, do something nice for myself each day. Keep 
living in the clouds, Doc. To Jenny she said "Yeah, okay Doc. I'll see you next 
week."
********************
Screech! Crystal jammed both feet on her brake pedal to avoid rear-ending the 
truck in front of her. A second later she saw the reason for the sudden stop as 
a quickly moving delivery person darted between the slow moving traffic. "Oh I 
hate driving downtown," she said out loud. Screaming guitar chords answered back 
from the rear speakers. The Omni lacked air conditioning, a must in the late 
July heat, forcing her to leave the windows down in hopes of a passing breeze. 
Surrounded by multi-story buildings with mirrored windows, that hope was quickly 
fading.
Halfway up the next block she saw an open parking space, the first one in over 
ten minutes. Pulling a paper napkin from the pile wedged between the seat and 
emergency brake, Crystal wiped the perspiration from her face. "Ah damn." 
Surrounded by neatly cut grass was a bright yellow fire hydrant, revealing why 
the curb space was unoccupied. Deciding to take her chances, she jerked the 
wheel to the right and pulled the hatchback into the parking space. Stretching 
across the seat, she rolled the windows up to within an inch of the top, hoping 
the small opening would be enough to keep the interior from becoming a sauna 
while she was gone.
A large sign affixed to the chain link fencing surrounding the building 
proclaimed it to be another M. Swenson Construction project. Now the trick is to 
find Michael, she thought, opening the gate and stepping into the construction 
area. Piles of debris were everywhere, neatly organized according to material. 
She saw workers moving about, carrying burnt boards and twisted metal framing. 
He must be inside somewhere. "Hey lady, this is a hard hat area. You can't be 
running around in here."
She turned to see a tall man wearing a yellow safety helmet running towards her. 
"Lady, we're dumping things out the windows and off the roof. You shouldn't be 
in here."
"I'm looking for Michael Swenson."
"He's inside but you still can't run around without a hard hat." He pointed at 
the archway leading into the building. "Stand there for now. That way nothing 
falls on you. I'll be right back." He took off around the corner of the 
building, returning moments later with a safety helmet in his hand. "Here. 
Michael's inside in the back office. Go straight down and take a right. You 
can't miss him."
"Thank you."
Michael was on the phone when she walked in. "Hold on just a minute, Peter, 
okay?" He held the phone to his chest. "Well hello there, Miss Sheridan. I'll be 
right with you." He put the phone back to his ear. "Peter? I'll call you back. 
Someone just came in. Okay good. Bye." Setting the phone back in its cradle, the 
large blonde man smiled and stepped around his desk. "And how are you today?"
"Fine thanks and please call me Crystal."
"So what brings you downtown?"
"You said at dinner last week that you were looking for help."
"Well yes but that's just for demolition work. You know, hard manual labor." He 
looked at her skeptically. "I don't think it's a job suited to you."
Crystal took the hard hat off, confident that nothing would fall on her head 
while in the office. "It's just hauling stuff out, right? Sheetrock and stuff? 
Laura said you've hired her before."
"Well, yes I have but this is a great deal of sweat work, Crystal. I don't know 
if you're suited for it." He pointed at the metal folding chair. "Please, have a 
seat." He leaned against the desk. "Why would you want to do something like this 
anyway and more importantly, what happened to your face?"
"Some drunk at the club," she said, answering the latter question first. "And I 
need the money. I can't work there looking like this."
Michael walked over to the file cabinet and picked up one of the clipboards 
resting atop it. "I suppose it's only fair to give you a chance," he said. "Fill 
these out and I need a copy of your social security card and license." He handed 
her the clipboard, which had several employment forms on it. "I hire by the day, 
pay by the week. Payday is Monday for the previous week. Ten dollars an hour, 
half-hour lunch and a ten minute break every hour. I'll issue you a set of 
gloves and a hat but you'll have to get your own boots. I'm afraid those 
sneakers just won't do around here."
"That's fine. I can get those today." She filled in the various lines of 
required information while they talked. "What hours?"
"I open the gate at seven and close it at six." He pointed at the time clock 
affixed to the wall. "The last six digits of your social security number will be 
your code."
"Um…" Crystal paused at question seven on the form. "What if I don't know the 
answer to every question?"
"Then leave it blank. It's just the highlighted areas that are required anyway," 
he said, reaching for the coffee pot. "Would you like some?"
"Please…and it is a highlighted area."
"Cream and sugar? Which part?"
"Both please and it's the part about who to contact in an emergency. Can't I 
just leave it blank?"
"Don't you have family around here?"
"No."
Michael shrugged. "I dunno. I just put down Peter. Why don't you put down 
Laura?" He opened the cube shaped mini-refrigerator and pulled out a pint of 
half-n-half. "I mean, I know you two aren't lovers or anything but you are 
friends, right? I'm sure if something happened to you she'd want to know about 
it." He handed her the mug. "Hope I didn't make it too sweet."
Crystal took a sip and shook her head. "No, it's fine. So when can I start?"
"As soon as you show up with work boots, steel toed. My insurance won't let you 
work without them." He looked at his watch. "It's almost noon. You have to be 
able to work a minimum of four hours each day so if you can be back here by two, 
you can work today. Otherwise it'll be tomorrow." He reach over and pulled a 
business card out of the dispenser. "Here," he said, writing something on the 
back of the card. "If you go out fifty six toward the airport, there's an outlet 
store near the old Miller's factory." He handed her the card. "This guy will 
give you a really good deal, just show him the card."
"Friend of yours?"
"Ex-lover actually but he gives discounts to people I send over." He glanced 
over at the clipboard. "Almost done?"
"Just about." She pulled her sport wallet out of her pocket. "Here's my 
license…and there's the social security card."
"Good." Michael took the cards over to the copy machine in the corner. "I do 
expect at least a few days notice before you quit."
"Oh, sure. I wouldn't just run out on you," she assured.
"Well, don't make promises until you've actually seen the work." He handed the 
cards back to her. "I can't count the number of men that have taken this job and 
quit within a day." He shook his head. "Guess some people are afraid of a little 
hard work. Well, I have to go check on a few things." He donned his hard hat and 
removed a walkie-talkie from the charger. "Enjoy your coffee and perhaps I'll 
see you this afternoon."
 
********************
As Michael had promised, the manager of the outlet store gave Crystal a discount 
on the work boots. Coming out of the store with her purchase, she was surprised 
to hear her name being called. "Crystal, is that you?"
"Hey Steph, how's it going?"
"Oh the usual. Tom's being a jerk and the kids are little monsters but what else 
is new, eh?" The redhead pointed at the bulge in Crystal's shirt. "Got an extra 
cig?"
"Sure. So what are you doing out here?" she asked while handing over a cigarette 
and her lighter. "I thought you guys were over in that trailer park on Ohio."
"We were but Tom got into a huge fight with that asshole landlord over the dog 
and we had to move. We're over on Essex now."
"That's too bad."
"Yeah, this landlord's a real asshole too but at least we were able to move in 
without references," the redhead said, taking a long drag on the cigarette. "Tom 
sent me over to buy some beer. You wanna come over?" She leaned closer. "We just 
got an ounce of the most fabulous stuff." She brought her fingertips to her 
lips. "Tasty and out of this world. I'm telling ya, Crys, this bag is really 
primo. One joint and you'll be high for hours."
"Oh, I'd love to but I have to get to work. You got a phone yet?"
"No, damn phone company. I have to pay at least half of my old bill and make 
arrangements on the other half before they'll give me a new one. You'd think 
because I have kids they'd be more lenient. Hey, you wouldn't…"
"No, I have an old bill too," Crystal lied.
"Damn, that's too bad. We've already used Ricky and Marci's names. Oh well. Hey, 
why don't you come over when you get done with work? It's the white trailer with 
yellow trim just after you enter the park."
"All right. I think I'll be done around six or so. I'll come over after that."
"That'd be great. Hey, if you can spare it feel free to bring a twelve pack or 
so. We'll have plenty of weed."
"Deal." Crystal pulled the keys out of her pocket. "I have to get going. I'll 
see you later. Good seeing you, Steph."
"You too, Crys. Later."
Crystal walked to her car, surprised by the chance meeting. She had not seen 
Stephanie for almost a year. It was a pain to drive over just to see if they 
were home and there was no way to predict what kind of mood Tom would be in. 
Still, if they were home, it was almost a guarantee there would be marijuana. 
Looks like I won't have to use up my stuff tonight, Crystal thought as she 
unlocked the Omni.
Returning downtown, she was pleased to discover a parking space not far from the 
building. Pushing the seat back, Crystal exchanged her sneakers for the beige 
work boots. Am I nuts? I'm not some butch construction woman, I'm a stripper. 
Still the job had come easy and the pay was too good to ignore. Well, like he 
said, if I don't like it I'm only out the cost of the boots. Oh well, they'll be 
useful in the winter anyway.
She found Michael in the office. The large bear of a man smiled when he saw her. 
"I'm so delighted you returned. I put you in the computer already just in case." 
He looked at her feet. "I see you found a pair that fit. Good. Let's get you 
punched in on the clock and then I'll show you where you'll be working." He 
walked over to the cabinet next to the copier and opened it, pulling out a brand 
new helmet and leather gloves. "They're sized for men so I figure small would be 
about right for you."
After showing her how to use the time clock, Michael led Crystal up the rear 
stairs to the third floor. "The service elevator works but don't use it unless 
you have a full load to go down. It's not the greatest and we don't want to use 
it any more than necessary." They stepped through an open doorway a hall ruined 
by smoke and water damage. Around them were the sounds of power tools and radios 
trying to outblast each other. "We'll start you out here," Michael yelled over 
the din. "The supervisor always has a red hardhat so he should be easy to spot." 
Crystal nodded her understanding. "The guys will knock the sheetrock down and 
haul it into the hallway. See that open window down there? There's a chute 
attached leading to the dumpster. Your job is taking the piles the guys throw 
out in the hall and putting it in the chute, got it?"
"Got it," she replied.
"Good. I'll leave you to get started then."
The doors were absent from the row of offices, making it easier for the guys to 
throw the broken pieces of wall out from the rooms. Great, with my luck I'll be 
walking past just as one of them throws some out. Picking up the flat shovel 
leaning against the wall, Crystal slid it under several pieces of sheetrock and 
tried to lift it.
"You ain't never going to get anywhere doing it that way," a male voice said. 
Crystal turned to see a short man wearing a red safety helmet standing there. 
"I'm Josh Thompson. Michael just told me you were here."
"So if you don't use the shovel, how do you get all this stuff all the way down 
there?" she asked. Josh smiled and picked up several pieces in his arms.
"You use a little sweat and muscle, lady," he said, handing the pile to her. 
"That's what the gloves are for. Otherwise your hands will get all blistered." 
He looked at his watch. "Okay, you might as well get started. I'll let you know 
when it's break time." He turned and left into one of the rooms.
Use a little sweat and muscle, she groused. I'll show you some sweat and muscle, 
you son of a bitch. Why aren't you big strong boys out here doing this? Piling 
as many pieces of the broken walls as she could in her arms, Crystal stepped 
over the series of piles to the end of the hallway. The large window had no 
glass, broken during the fire and removed after to make room for the chute. 
Crystal dumped the first armful, leaning out to watch it slide down the sturdy 
tarp chute. That's not so bad. I can do this. Smiling to herself, the blonde 
headed back for another pile.
By four o'clock, the confidence she held at two was long gone, replaced with a 
steady ache in her arms. She discovered the shovel was only good for scooping up 
the tiny pieces after the larger ones were removed. The men ignored her for the 
most part, concentrating on their work and running downstairs the instant break 
was announced. Crystal spent her break alone, leaning against the window frame 
and looking down at the street below. That's twenty bucks so far, she mentally 
calculated. Two more hours and I'll earn back what I spent on boots. She took a 
last drag on the cigarette and threw it out the window. She turned and looked at 
piles of busted up sheetrock looming at her. Well…it isn't going to move itself.
By five minute before six o'clock, Crystal figured out an easier way to move the 
sheetrock, using the shovel to push the pieces down the hall, then it was a 
simple matter of scooping the pieces up and throwing them out the window. It 
made the work go faster even if her back was screaming from the strain. "Miss 
Sheridan." Crystal turned to see Josh and Michael standing there. "You certainly 
did your share today," the supervisor said. Michael nodded in agreement.
"You did indeed. I can't begin to tell you the number of men who've walked off 
after an hour."
"That's because no one has a work ethic these days," Josh added. He looked at 
Crystal. "To be honest, lady, I didn't think you'd last the afternoon."
Well fuck you, I did. And I'll do it tomorrow too. "What time do we start 
tomorrow?"
"Remember I said I open the gate at seven and close it at six. Whatever shift 
you can get yourself in here for is fine. Just be responsible. Nothing irritates 
me more than someone just not showing up."
"I'll be here," Crystal assured him.
"You show up at that hour and I'll buy you your first cup of coffee," Michael 
offered. "Now go get punched out and have a good night. Say hello to Laura for 
me."
 
***********************
The Omni turned onto Essex Street, Crystal instinctively reaching around and 
locking her doors in the process. A dead end street leading to one of the oldest 
trailer parks in the county, Essex was a haven for people wanting to operate 
outside the law. It was common to see the skeletons of stolen cars littering the 
empty corner lot and children without shoes playing in the street. Crystal 
avoided eye contact with the people sitting on porches or leaning against cars 
as she guided the hatchback into the park. She spotted the white and yellow 
trailer immediately and parked in front of it, the driveway taken up by a old 
red pickup truck. Heavy metal music blared from behind closed windows. I guess 
you're the same asshole as ever, eh Tom?
"Hey Crystal, glad you could make it," Stephanie said as she opened the door. 
"Oh good, you did remember to stop and get some beer. Come on in, Tom's just 
rolling up one."
"Great, I could use it after the day I had." Stepping inside, the smell of stale 
cigarette and marijuana smoke assaulted her senses. Damn Steph, open a fucking 
window, will ya? At least turn on a fan. A green couch lined one wall while the 
television and a recliner took up the adjoining one. Tom was seated in the 
recliner, the television tray next to it covered with rolling papers and empty 
beer cans. The arm of the chair held the overflowing ashtray.
"Hey Crystal, how the hell are ya?" he asked. "Just about to light one up. Have 
a seat."
"Hi Tom."
"I'll put these in the fridge," Stephanie said, taking the twelve pack from 
Crystal.
"Make sure you leave one of those for me first," her husband demanded.
Crystal sat down on the couch and pulled her cigarettes out of her pocket. "I'll 
take one too."
"Why bother putting them in the fridge then?" the redhead said, sitting down 
next to her on the couch and opening the cardboard package. "Tom, stop fucking 
around and light that thing."
"I'm lighting it, I'm lighting it. Jeez, don't be a bitch just because your 
friend is here. You're really gonna like this shit, Crystal. One hit wonder for 
sure. I had a joint by myself this morning and it knocked me on my ass for 
hours."
"That's why I had to go get the beer earlier. He woke up before I did and 
wouldn't let me have any until I got him the beer."
"That's the only way I can get you to do anything," Tom said.
Oh fuck, don't start already, Crystal groaned inwardly. That's right, take a hit 
and stop thinking about being an asshole. She took the joint eagerly from him 
and brought it to her lips. Oh yeah, this is tasty stuff. "Damn, where do you 
guys get such good shit?"
"My cousin has a farm about three hours north of here. He grows it in his barn," 
Tom said proudly. "Man, he always has the best fucking stuff going. Hardly any 
seeds and just look at all the red hairs in here." He held out a sandwich bag 
half filled with dried out buds. "Fucking beautiful stuff. Not like that shit 
Smoky sells."
Crystal took another hit before passing the joint to Stephanie. "Oh yeah, this 
is very nice."
"So what's with the shit kickers?" the redhead asked, pointing at Crystal's 
boots.
"Oh, I got a job clearing out the old credit union building on Exchange."
"You mean where they had the fire?"
"Stop talking and take your fucking hit," Tom growled, leaning forward in his 
seat to reach for the joint.
"Yeah," Crystal said, answering Stephanie's question. Stop being such a dork, 
Tom. "Pay's pretty good. Ten an hour and the hours are flexible."
"You hear that?" the redhead addressed her husband. "Ten bucks an hour. Are they 
hiring?"
"I think so. I was just hired today." Crystal reached out to take the joint from 
Tom, who insisted on getting at least three hits in before passing it.
"I don't work for less than twelve," he said, reaching for his beer. "So how 
come you ain't working down at the Tom Cat anymore?"
"I'm just doing this temporarily while my lip heals. I got hurt in a bar fight 
last week."
"Oh." Tom took a several gulps from the can. "Gonna say, with an ass like yours 
you're better off making some money with it than doing work some fat bitch can 
do." He reached out to take the joint from Stephanie. "Not like this cow can get 
paid to take off her clothes."
"Fuck you," the redhead said. "Keep it up and you can sleep at your fucking 
mother's house tonight."
"At least her house isn't a fucking pigsty like this place," he said, passing 
the joint to Crystal. "She doesn't work all day. You think she'd be able to run 
the fucking vacuum once in a while."
Oh man, please don't fight tonight, Crystal silently pleaded. I just want to 
catch a good buzz and get going.
"Like you head off each morning to work, right?"
"Oh fuck you, Steph." He grabbed the baggie and his cigarettes off the tray and 
stood up. "I don't have to sit and listen to this shit."
"Fine, go to Mark's or something. I don't give a shit."
"Fine."
"Just leave me some pot, will ya?"
"Go to hell. Get your own." He stormed out the door, not bothering to close it.
"Where's he going?" Crystal asked, taking advantage of the commotion to take an 
extra couple of hits on the joint. "Hey, you got any clips?"
"On the shelf behind you," Stephanie answered. "Screw him. I knew he wouldn't 
leave me any." She walked into the bathroom and returned with a canister of hair 
spray. Crystal found a set of forceps, the tips sticky with built up resin, and 
clipped the edge of the joint.
"Here you go. There isn't much left."
"Don't worry about it, Crys." Stephanie took the seat vacated by Tom and took 
the offered roach clip. "Thanks." She inhaled sharply, making the tip of the 
joint blaze orange. Handing it back, she exhaled slowly to avoid choking. "Oh 
that's good. Here." The redhead held the hair spray canister in both hands and 
gave it a twist. The bottom unscrewed to reveal a small metal pipe, rolling 
papers, lighter and a black film canister. "Tom doesn't know about this. 
Whenever he's got a new batch, after he falls asleep I come out and pinch a few 
buds for myself. He thinks he's punishing me, the stupid asshole." She opened 
the film case and dumped the hidden stash of marijuana out onto the tray. "You 
feel like switching to the pipe? I hate fucking around with papers."
"Sure, no prob," Crystal replied. "So you and Tom are obviously back together. 
You're not working anymore?"
"No, fuck that. I had a job delivering pizza but the truck broke down and I 
couldn't afford to get it fixed. Asshole boss wouldn't let me use the company 
car because I had a minor fender bender with it last winter."
"That sucks." I wouldn't loan you my car either. I know how you drive. Crystal 
took the metal pipe and reached for her lighter. "Where are the kids?"
"Marci is staying with my mother until the hearing next week. They won't tell me 
where Ricky is." Stephanie took the pipe. "Tom and I were fighting and the 
fucking neighbors called the cops. Well, you know how that goes. They came in 
and saw the pot out and busted us and took the kids."
"Oh no. So what happens now?"
Stephanie shrugged and lit the pipe. "I don't know."
"Well, did you call legal aid?"
"Why bother? They'll give me the kids back. Tom will agree to go into a rehab 
for thirty days and we'll get benefits while he's in there. It's happened 
before. Here."
Crystal took the pipe and sucked hard. How can you sit there and not care where 
your kids are and what they're doing? What are you still doing with that 
asshole? Finally the outrage within her was too much. "Steph, what are you still 
doing with him?"
"Oh, you know how it is, Crys. He says he won't do it again and I fall for it. 
Same shit all the time."
"But you keep going back to him. Why? At least I was smart enough to get away 
from shit like that."
"I know I know," the redhead said. "He's an asshole loser and always will be but 
what can I do? He's their father."
"So what? He's not a good one if he isn't bringing in any money. Steph, you 
deserve better than him. The kids do too." God! she screamed inside. She's 
acting just like my mother. "You think Marci likes waking up to him throwing one 
of his fits?"
"He's still their father." She shrugged. "I don't think it bothers her much." 
She held out the pipe. "Here, have another hit."
You have got to be kidding me. In her mind Crystal saw her mother sitting on a 
similar couch, drinking herself blind and ignoring the animal that terrorized 
her kids. Crystal held the lighter over the bowl and pressed the pipe to her 
lips. What am I doing here? Why am I sitting with this reincarnation of my 
mother? As she exhaled, another thought hit her. How the fuck am I gonna get 
home? "Steph, keep the beers but I've gotta get going here."
"You sure? Come on, sit down and have another beer. You can handle another one, 
can't you?"
"Of course I can but I really have to get going. I forgot I promised my roommate 
I'd help her with something tonight." Crystal grabbed her cigarettes and 
lighter, stuffing them into her pocket.
"You have a roommate? Since when?"
"My apartment burned down a few weeks ago. Listen, I really gotta go." Crystal 
stood up only to sit right back down. "Whoa." The pot hit hard, making it an 
effort to keep her eyes open.
"Hey, sit back and relax." Stephanie held the pipe out. "Come on, one more won't 
hurt. I never get company."
No shit, who'd want to? "No, I really do have to get home." Okay Crystal, you 
can do this, she told herself. Just get to your feet. Again she rose but this 
time managed to stay upright. "You know my beeper number right? Give me a call 
when you get a phone."
"Well, now you know where I live. Don't be such a stranger. Maybe with the kids 
not here Tom and I will have a party on the weekend or something. You should 
stop by."
"Yeah, maybe I will." Crystal reached for the doorknob, leaning her weight 
against it. "Thanks for the smoke."
"Anytime, Crys. Stop by soon."
Turn the knob, don't fall. Crystal tried to follow her own instructions but the 
steps proved to be too much of a challenge. She stumbled on the last one, ending 
up sitting on the ground. Shit. She looked up to see if Stephanie noticed but 
the porch was empty. Don't even give a shit enough to make sure I made it to the 
car, eh? Rolling onto her knees, Crystal forced herself to focus and stand up. 
Oh shit I had way too much to smoke. Leaning her hand against the side of the 
trailer, she made her way forward. Tom wasn't kidding about it being a one hit 
wonder, was he? Shit, I can barely stand up. She stumbled the remaining feet 
between the front of Stephanie's home and the Omni.
 
Open the door. Shit, unlock the door first, dummy. It took three tries to get 
the door open, then it was a challenge to wiggle the tortured key out of the 
lock. Oh shit, how am I supposed to drive? I'm not going to be able to see the 
fucking road. Crystal leaned against the headrest. Come on, Crys, you gotta get 
outta here. Stabbing blindly at the ignition finally resulted in getting the key 
where it belonged. Oh man, I shouldn't be doing this. Grabbing the steering 
wheel, she pulled herself upright and started the engine.
The window was down but was of little help. The Omni veered from side to side on 
its slow trek up Essex Street. A blaring horn jerked her out of her trance in 
time to avoid striking an oncoming vehicle. Shit, I can't do this. Turning the 
steering wheel, Crystal pulled into the corner lot and threw the car in park. On 
the corner stood a blue and white phone booth. Yeah, that's it. I'll call 
someone to get me. Then came another problem as a check of her pockets revealed 
two nickels and a penny. I bet I've dropped a quarter somewhere around here. 
Course there's not a chance in hell I'm bending over to look. I'd probably pass 
out.
 
Laura stared in disbelief at the screen. Three months? The response from the 
publisher had been swift. Upon missing her deadline, the print date for her book 
was pushed out three months, putting it past the big fall fair and ruining any 
chances she had of getting holiday sales. The print date change meant many 
things but of an even higher importance was the effect it had on her income. 
With the book now unavailable until after the new year, there would be no 
quarterly royalty checks for at least six months. Her previous works provided 
enough to pay the monthly bills but rent and day to day needs was a different 
matter. The phone rang but she made no effort to get it. Probably another 
telemarketer. Sighing, she closed the email and loaded her web browser. Guess 
I'll see if I can afford a tune-up before winter or if I have to conserve 
toothpaste. The phone continued to ring until the answering machine picked up. 
See? No message. Knew it wasn't important. Seconds later the phone rang again. 
Deciding this time that it wasn't a telemarketer, she walked over to the 
nightstand and picked up phone. "Hello?"
"This is the operator. Will you accept a collect call from Crystal Sheridan?"
"Yes."
"Thank you. Go ahead." There was an audible click followed by mild static.
"Crystal?"
"Laura, that you?"
"Yes, it's me. You're going to have to speak up, Crystal. I can barely hear 
you."
"Can you hear me now?"
"Yes."
"Are you busy?"
"Crystal, is something wrong?"
"Well…can you give me a ride home?"
"A ride…yes, of course I can. Did it break down again?"
"No. I just can't drive." A passing truck distorted the rest of her words.
"What? Why can't you drive? Were you in an accident?" While talking, Laura 
picked her sneakers up and began putting them on. "Where are you?"
"I'm up on Essex near the airport."
"Is your car driveable?"
"Yeah but I don't think I can drive, Laura." Snickering giggles were heard 
through the poor connection. "Can you come get me?"
"Yes Crystal, I'll come get you. Where are you again? Up by the airport?"
"At the phone booth on the corner. Near the telephone pole."
"Fine. Listen to me. Get back in your car and lock all the doors. I'll be there 
as quick as I can."
"Laura?"
"What?"
"Are you gonna come get me? Really?" Laura heard a thunk followed by Crystal 
yelping. "Ow. I hit my head on the phone."
She is really wasted. Essex Street was not a good section of town by any means. 
"Crystal? Crystal are you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Did you here me? I want you to go wait in the car and keep the doors locked 
until I get there, okay?"
"Okay, Laura?"
"What?"
"I really can't drive."
Oh great, now she's rambling. "No you shouldn't, Crystal. Get in the car and 
stay there."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No. I'm glad you called me instead of trying to drive home like that. Have you 
been drinking?"
"I only had one beer."
"So you're stoned, right?"
"Oh yeah. Very much stoned." Crystal giggled. "Petrified, in fact."
"Uh huh. Stay there. I'm on my way."
"Laura?"
"What?" The writer tried to keep the growing irritation out of her voice.
"You sure you're not mad at me?"
Laura sighed. "No, I'm not mad at you."
"Okay. I don't want you to be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you. Now hang up the phone so I can come get you."
"You sure?"
"Yes I'm sure."
"Good 'cause I don't want you to be mad at me."
"Crystal! For the last time I am not mad at you so hang up the phone!" Laura 
pressed the pressed the off button. She stoned. She stoned out of her mind out 
in the middle of nowhere. Pressing the button, she heard the dial tone and 
pressed the familiar digits.
"Hello?"
"Jen? It's Laura. Can you help me pick up Crystal and her car? I'll explain on 
the way."
 
 
By the time Laura pulled the Jeep into the lot, Jenny had been filled in what 
she knew. As expected the gray Omni was parked near the phone booth. "There she 
is." Laura pulled her vehicle up alongside and put it in park. "Are you going to 
drive hers or mine back?"
"I'll drive hers," Jenny said. "Let's see who she feels like riding with."
Together they walked over to Crystal's car and stood by the driver's side. Laura 
reached out and tapped the window. "Crystal? Crystal, wake up. We're here."
"Hmm?"
"Wake up. It's Laura. Jenny's with me. We've come to take you home." She reached 
for the door handle. "Crystal? Hey." She rapped the glass with her knuckles. 
"Unlock the door."
"Hi Laura," the stoned woman mumbled.
"Unlock the door." As soon as she heard the click, Laura pulled on the handle. 
The door opened and it was only Jenny's quick moves that kept Crystal from 
sliding out onto the ground.
"Easy now." Once they had the semi-conscious woman back in her seat, the 
therapist mode took over. "Crystal? Crystal, focus on me."
"Hmm?"
"How much have you had to drink tonight?" Crystal proudly held up one wavering 
finger. "One what? Beer?"
"Yeah, just one," the blonde mumbled, her head rolling listlessly from side to 
side. "I'm stoned."
"So I see." Jenny looked up at Laura. "Any suggestions on how we're going to get 
her over to the passenger seat?"
"I haven't a clue," Laura replied.
"I'd say pull her over the seat but the gearshift is in the way."
"This car really has no room, does it?"
"Not much." Jenny tapped Crystal's cheek lightly. "Crystal…Crystal wake up. We 
have to move you."
"Mm? I'm awake. Wha?"
"Uh huh, let's move it, roomie." Laura looked at Jenny. "I think our best chance 
is to pull her over the gearshift. If we get her outside and she ends up on the 
ground there's no way we're going to be able to move her."
"I agree. I'll hold her while you go around to the passenger side," Jenny said.
"Let me get the keys. I'm sure that side is locked too." Laura walked around and 
opened the passenger door. "What's this?" she asked, holding up a composition 
book.
"Throw it in the back seat," Jenny answered, not revealing that she had seen 
Crystal earlier in the day.
It took some maneuvering on their part to get the stoned woman over the 
gearshift and into the passenger seat. Crystal struggled and squirmed, giggling 
to herself and mumbling incoherently.
"Hold still," Laura chastised. "I can't get the seat belt on you."
"Hi Lauraaa."
"Hi Crystal. Hold still and let me get the seat belt on, okay?"
"Okay." The blonde closed her eyes and rolled her head to the side. "I'm really 
stoned, you know."
"I know. I can tell." Laura smiled when she felt the click of the seat belt. 
"There. Jen, you want to drive her?"
"Sure. I'll meet you back at your place."
"No-o-o," Crystal whined, fidgeting around in her seat. "Why can't you drive 
me?"
Laura smiled at the petulant face before her. "Because I have my own car to 
drive, that's why." Standing up, she closed the passenger door and walked around 
the car. Handing the keys to Jenny, she bent down to look through the glass at 
Crystal. "She's really out of it."
"You heard her. She's stoned out of her mind. I doubt she even knows where she 
is right now."
"Why does she get this way?" Laura straightened and shook her head. "I just 
don't understand it."
"Have you ever asked her?"
"What?"
Jenny took Laura's hand and turned it palm up. "She asked you to drive her 
home." Placing the keys in the open hand, she turned and walked toward the Jeep. 
"Seems to me it's a perfect opportunity for you to ask her."
"Don't run any lights with my car," Laura called out, receiving a half-wave of 
Jenny's arm. I know you will, she silently groused. Closing her fingers around 
the keys, she reached for the door handle. "All right Crystal, let's get you 
home."
"Hi Laura."
"Hi yourself." She closed the door and felt around for the ignition.
"You're not mad at me, are you?"
"I told you I wasn't." Finding the elusive ignition, Laura put the key in and 
started the engine. "Would I have come out to get you if I was mad at you?"
"I dunno." Crystal shrugged. "I wasn't sure you would."
"Of course I would," Laura said, following Jenny out of the parking lot and onto 
the main road. "I wouldn't leave you out here all alone, no matter what 
condition you were in." She slowed down for the traffic light. "So what were you 
doing out here?"
"I was visiting someone I knew."
"Is that who got you so stoned?"
"Yeah, I didn't know it was so strong." Crystal leaned her head against the 
window. "I don't think I could drive home."
Laura glanced over briefly before turning her attention back to the traffic. "No 
doubt about it, you have no business behind the wheel of a car." She drove 
several blocks before a quiet voice spoke.
"That's why I called you."
Flexing her fingers on the steering wheel, Laura kept her eyes straight ahead. 
"Well…I'm glad you did."
"I never did that before."
"Did what?"
"Called someone to come get me." Crystal rubbed her eyes with her knuckles. "Wow 
those lights are bright."
"I'm surprised you can see anything through those slits."
"My eyes are wide open," the stoned woman protested. "I can see everything."
"Uh huh," she said dubiously. "So were you at your friend's house all day 
getting stoned?"
"I went there after work."
"Work?"
"Oooh!" Crystal's face lit up and she squirmed in her seat. "I got a job today," 
she said excitedly.
"Really? Where?"
"Working for Michael. I hauled sheet rock all afternoon."
"You really took a job working for Michael?" Checking quickly to make sure she 
wasn't took close to the rear of her Jeep, Laura looked over at her companion. 
"Congratulations."
"It's only 'til my lip heals."
"It could be longer than that if you wanted, I'm sure. I thought Michael said 
there was enough work for a few months."
"Then what?" Crystal lifted her hand only to have it flop down onto her lap. "It 
doesn't matter."
The light from the street lamps pulsed through the windshield, giving Laura only 
passing glimpses of her roommate's face. "What doesn't matter?"
"Everything." Crystal gave another limp wave of her hand. "Once the place is 
cleaned out he won't need me anymore and I'll be back there again." She shrugged 
her shoulders. "Might as well stay where I am."
You don't think there's anything better for you than stripping, do you? "But if 
you got some experience maybe Michael could help you find something else to do." 
Laura kept her attention divided between the road ahead of her and Crystal. "So 
what were you doing all the way out here besides getting stoned?"
"Hmm?" Crystal's eyes were closed, her lips turned in a lazy smile. "Oh, 
visiting someone."
"Someone you work with?"
The blonde snorted. "Hardly. Steph's just someone I knew from parties and 
stuff." Her hands groped her shirt pockets in search of her cigarettes. "Her 
husband is a real asshole."
"Was he there?"
"For a while before he got pissed and took off." The lighter slipped from her 
fingers onto her lap. 
"Are you sure you can handle a cigarette? I don't want you dropping it on 
yourself or anything. Maybe you shouldn't smoke."
"My car." Crystal lit her cigarette and stuffed the lighter in her pocket.
"At least open the window. I don't want your second hand smoke." Crystal did as 
she was asked and within seconds the smoke was drawn out into the night air. 
"Now," Laura continued, "So he became upset and left?"
"Yeah, he's an asshole."
"You said that before."
"She's an idiot."
You didn't say that before. "So why is she an idiot?"
"She is. She's just like my mother." Crystal took a hard drag on her cigarette. 
"Doesn't stand up for her kids, lets him treat her like shit. She's stupid." She 
flicked an ash out the open window. "Aw, ya know? She's so afraid of him that 
she lets him treat her like a dog. He drinks and screws around and when he feels 
like coming home he does and she doesn't do a damn thing about it." The car 
followed the Jeep onto the bypass, leaving the sodium lights of the city for the 
darkness of the highway. Crystal exhaled another stream of gray smoke. "Just 
always giving in to him," she said quietly. "Always letting him do whatever the 
fuck he wanted. Doesn't matter he beats his kids, doesn't matter he spent all 
the money each week, she didn't fucking care." The half finished cigarette went 
flying out the window. "She never cared," she whispered, staring through the 
glass at the darkness.
Laura quickly realized the subjects of the conversation had changed from 
Crystal's friends to her parents. She opened her mouth to speak but found 
herself unsure of what to say. Finally she said the only thing that came to 
mind. "I wish she had."
There was a long silence before Crystal spoke. "I wish she had too."
Without thought Laura reached over and rubbed her roommate's shoulder. "I know."
"She used to drink a lot, you know." Crystal continued to look out the window. 
"She'd get mad for no reason. All the time." Feeling the shrug, Laura removed 
her hand, letting it rest on the gearshift between the seats. "He'd rag on her 
in the morning before he'd go to work and she'd take it out on us when we got 
home from school." Crystal shook her head. "But we didn't do anything wrong." 
She let her head fall back against the headrest. "You ever get punished for 
something you didn't do?"
"A few times," Laura admitted.
"It sucks." Leaning forward, Crystal fumbled with the opening of the glove 
compartment.
"What are you looking for?"
"I just want one hit." The compartment open, she pulled out a film canister and 
a small blue metal pot pipe.
"Uh, no, not while I'm in the car. I think you've had enough anyway. You can 
barely keep your eyes open." Activity on the road ahead of her drew Laura's 
attention away from what was going on in the passenger seat. Jenny had 
apparently become annoyed with the car ahead of her and was now pushing the Jeep 
faster then Laura ever had. "Jen, what are you doing?" she said, pressing down 
on the gas pedal. An acrid smell filled the car. "Crystal!"
The pipe and canister filled with pot were thrown back into the glove 
compartment. "I said just one," the blonde said impishly.
"That's it." Using her left hand to roll down the window, Laura steered with her 
right, slowing the Omni down and pulling over to the shoulder of the road.
"Wha…?"
Laura ignored her and shut the car off. She reached over with the keys and 
locked the glove compartment. "I said not with me in the car," she admonished. 
"You know how much trouble I would be in if a cop pulled us over and smelled 
that?" Forcing the key back into the ignition, Laura continued her rant. "If you 
want to ruin your life with drugs, that's your choice. I can't control what you 
do but you have no right to take a chance with mine. It's bad enough you bring 
it into the house." Turning the engine on, she glanced in the rear view mirror 
before pulling back out onto the highway. "Damn it, Crystal, don't you ever stop 
and think?" Not hearing a reply, she thought perhaps the stoned woman had fallen 
asleep. Just as well. I don't want to fight with her tonight, she thought to 
herself. Looking at the road, she noted the Jeep was nowhere in sight. You'd 
better not get a speeding ticket, Jen. Confident the smell of marijuana was 
gone, Laura rolled the window up.
"Sorry," Crystal said in a small voice. "Are you mad at me?"
"Why don't you just sit back and relax until we get home, okay?"
"I don't want you to be mad at me."
"I'm not mad. Annoyed maybe, but not mad," Laura said, pressing up on the signal 
indicator when she saw the sign for the upcoming exit.
Crystal unbuckled her seat belt and was turning sideways in the seat when the 
Omni turned onto the exit ramp. Too stoned to control her balance, she pitched 
toward the left, her head bumping against Laura's shoulder. "Ow."
"What are you doing? Get your seat belt on." She reached over and rubbed her 
shoulder. "And what are you saying 'Ow' for? You've got a hard head there, 
Sheridan."
"Laura?"
The pot made the blonde's eyes nothing more than little slits and those little 
slits were having a hard time keeping focused. Laura waiting patiently for 
Crystal to continue but the stoned woman apparently forgot what she was going to 
say. "Yes?" Laura prompted.
"What?"
"You were going to ask me a question. What was the question?"
"What question?"
"Forget it, you're too wasted to know what you're saying." Reaching over, Laura 
grasped the seat belt. "This time leave it on, okay?"
"Okay…Laura?"
"What?"
"I don't want you to be mad at me."
"Crystal, I'm not mad at you." Oh please don't start this again. "Look, let's 
just go home now. Jenny's going to wonder what happened to us." Laura started 
the car. "We can talk about it in the morning." She put the car in gear and 
edged the car onto the street. She drove along in silence for several blocks 
before Crystal spoke again.
"Promise you aren't mad at me?"
I'm going to be mad if you don't stop it. "No hon, I'm not mad at you." She 
reached over and squeezed Crystal's shoulder. "We're friends, right?" She had 
hoped her words would make the stoned woman smile but to Laura's dismay she saw 
tears. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Crystal shook her head vigorously and rubbed her face with her hands. "Nothing," 
she croaked, taking a haggard breath. "It's just…" She shook her head again. "I 
dunno."
Laura knew she was holding back but let it pass for the moment, concentrating on 
guiding the unfamiliar car through the winding side streets and into the main 
entrance to their complex. As expected, her Jeep was parked in the appropriate 
space, several lights shining through the curtained windows of the townhouse. 
Can tell Jenny's here, she thought as she pulled the Omni into its parking 
space. Removing the keys from the ignition, she reached over and put her hand on 
Crystal's arm. "Wait, before we go in…I want to know what's got you so upset."
"I dunno." Crystal jerked the handle, forcing the door to open. "Laura, please," 
she said when the firm hand maintained its hold on her arm. "I can't."
Laura swore she heard a crack in her roommate's voice. Letting go, she watched 
Crystal step out of the car. The marijuana had done a good job of decimating the 
blonde's sense of balance, causing her to fall onto the pavement. She tried to 
get to her feet only to fall twice more before Laura got to her side. "Here, put 
your arm around my shoulders. I'll help you inside."
"No, just leave me. I'll make it in there eventually."
Laura grabbed Crystal's hand and put it where she wanted. "I don't think so, 
roomie. What would the neighbors think?" With a grunt she rose to her feet, 
pulling Crystal up with her. To her relief, Jenny must have heard the car pull 
up. "Want to give me a hand with her?"
"Where did you go?" Jenny asked as she made her way down the walk to the parking 
area. "I looked in the rear view and you were gone."
"I had to pull over a couple of times," Laura said. "Crystal, Jenny's here. 
We're going to take you inside now, okay?" She nodded at her ex-lover. "Grab the 
other side. She's too stoned to walk."
"How was the ride home?"
"Eventful. She wouldn't shut up. For someone who never says anything, she sure 
had enough to say tonight. Must have asked me fifty times if I was mad at her."
"You said you weren't," Crystal pouted, her eyes fixed on her feet in an attempt 
to move in them in the same direction without stepping on Laura or Jenny's toes. 
"You said so."
"Yes I did. I'm not mad with you." She looked over at Jenny. "See what I had to 
put up with?"
"Sounds like a handful."
"Just a bit. Watch it, Crystal. We're at the steps now."
"I can walk by myself," the blonde protested, weakly trying to pull her arms off 
the other women's shoulders.
"Just the same I think it's a good idea for us to help you," Jenny said.
"Oh, hi Doc," Crystal practically hollered. "How the hell are you tonight?"
"Apparently not as well are you're doing. Laur, hold on to her while I get the 
door."
"She likes me," the stoned woman continued. "I wasn't really sure but…yeah. Did 
you know that?"
"Know what?" Jenny asked, not following the rambling talk.
"Laura likes me," Crystal said proudly, swaying on her rubbery legs. "She told 
me we're friends."
"Yes I did, now let's get you inside, okay?" Laura asked, guiding her wobbly 
charge through the front door.
"Okay," Crystal agreed good-naturedly, bumping into the doorjamb, then into 
Jenny before finally getting finally stumbling through the threshold and into 
the living room.
Once inside, Crystal managed to stumble her way to the recliner. Laura hung the 
keys to the Omni on the appropriate hook, frowning when she saw her own keys 
lying on the counter. "Think we can get her upstairs?" she asked, picking up her 
keys and hanging them on the hook.
"I can make it myself," the groggy blonde said, pushing herself to her feet only 
to sit right back down. "Maybe not." Her hands fumbled at her shirt.
"No smoking in the living room, remember?" Laura reminded her.
"Hey Doc, did I tell you I got the job with Michael?" Crystal stopped searching 
for her cigarettes and flung a leg over the arm of the recliner.
"No you didn't tell me." Jenny said as she settled herself on the couch. "When 
do you start?"
"I did already. I worked this afternoon."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I went over and saw him after I left your office."
Laura's eyes widened. "Your office?"
"Um…" Jenny looked from her ex-lover to Crystal and back again. "You have to ask 
her," she said.
"Crystal?"
"Doc said I could." She rubbed her face and yawned. "Oh man, I'm tired."
"Or something," Laura said. "Let's get you upstairs. Jen, you want to help?"
Together they helped Crystal upstairs. Once inside her room, the blonde clumsily 
broke free of the helping hands and flopped onto the bed. "Jen, go down and make 
some tea," Laura said. "I'll be there in a minute."
"Perhaps I should go home…" Jenny began.
"Don't even think about it," Laura warned. "We need to talk." She waited until 
her ex-lover left the room before sitting down on the bed next to the sprawled 
out form. "You still awake?"
"Hm?" The soft pillow quickly drained any energy Crystal had left.
"You have to get your boots off. Do you want me to help?"
"Hm? Naw, s'okay." Crystal's eyes remained closed.
"I'll get them," Laura said, moving down and pulling one booted foot onto her 
lap. "You know I meant it when I said I wasn't mad at you," she said, tugging 
the brown lace free. "Even if I was, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you." Using 
her fingers, she loosened the laces from the eyelets and hooks, allowing the 
boot to come free. "When I was about thirteen or so, Dad was stationed at Fort 
Bragg." She peeled the white sock off Crystal's foot. "We were there about a 
month or so when Captain Brewster was transferred there. He had a daughter my 
age. Let me have your other foot." Receiving no assistance, Laura reached over 
and pulled Crystal's other leg over. "Anyway," she continued. "Candice used to 
always have bruises on her arms and face. At first I believed her when she said 
it was from accidents on her bike." The other boot and sock removed, Laura found 
herself with Crystal's bare feet on her lap. Without thought she began massaging 
them. "After I figured out the truth, I couldn't stand seeing her father." Her 
grip increased as the old anger surfaced. "I hated him for what he did to her. I 
couldn't understand why anyone would want to hurt someone else like that." 
Deciding Crystal had fallen asleep, Laura continued to let her hands gently run 
over the blonde's feet. "Why did you get upset tonight when I said we were 
friends?" Her left thumb moved back and forth in a lazy arc over Crystal's arch. 
"Sure you can be a pain in the ass sometimes and that clear shower curtain is 
driving me nuts but still…" Realizing what her hands were doing, Laura gently 
placed Crystal's feet on the bed and stood up. "I don't think we need little 
bits of tobacco between the sheets," she said, reaching over and pulling the 
half empty pack out of the shirt pocket. Reaching for the coverlet, she pulled 
it up over the sleeping woman. As she tucked it around Crystal's shoulders, she 
leaned in close and whispered "I wish you didn't abuse yourself like this. 
There's a beautiful woman hidden behind the tough attitude and the drugs, I know 
there is." Laura stood up and reached for the lamp. "Sweet dreams."
Part 7
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L
 
 
She found Jenny sitting at the table, flipping through the newspaper. "Didn't 
you read it already?"
"I was running late this morning and only had time to check on how the Mets were 
doing. Your tea is steeping in the brown mug." The wind from the open window on 
the ride back from picking Crystal up had blown Jenny's hair from its usual 
wedge shape into a puffed and disheveled mass of brown. Laura reached into her 
back pocket and pulled out a comb.
"Here, you look like a groundhog who stuck his paw in a light socket." She 
walked over to the counter and reached for her mug. "So when were you going to 
tell me that you were seeing Crystal?" She pulled the teabag out of the water 
and threw it in the trash. "You could have said something earlier."
"No I couldn't," Jenny protested, running the comb haphazardly through her hair. 
"It's not up to me to tell you. It was Crystal's decision."
"So what happened today? Did she tell you she was going to hang out with her 
druggie friends?" Laura crossed the room and pulled out the chair next to Jenny. 
"You couldn't have talked her out of it?"
"Laura, I can't talk to you about what happens in my office with her. You just 
have to accept you can't ask me questions about her." Jenny took a sip of her 
tea. "Besides, you know me. Do you honestly think I wouldn't have tried to talk 
a patient out of putting themselves in a potentially dangerous situation if I 
had known about it?" Reaching out, she took Laura's hand in her own. "I have to 
be very careful here. Crystal has to be able to trust me to keep her 
confidences."
"Does this mean she's not a topic that we can discuss?"
"Just you being her roommate is enough for me to be hauled up in front of the 
ethics committee. I shouldn't be seeing her at all."
"Then why are you?" Laura asked. "You know me too, Jen. You know you're the one 
I turn to when I need to talk. How am I supposed to censor what I talk about?"
"Don't you think I thought about that before I made my decision?" Jenny snapped. 
"Do you think I like having to be careful what I talk about with you? I'm not 
real thrilled with the idea either, Laur, but you have to understand where I'm 
coming from too."
"And where is that? I don't mean to sound selfish but after sharing my soul with 
you for the last seven years, it isn't easy to accept."
"Not all of your soul was shared with me, Laura," Jenny said in a warning tone. 
"There's a reason we live at separate addresses now, remember?"
Looking down at her cup, Laura found words escaping her. "I thought we weren't 
going to talk about that," she finally said.
"I'd rather not talk about that tonight either," the therapist admitted, 
withdrawing her hand and draining her mug. "I'm going home, Laur. You know you 
can always talk to me about your feelings and thoughts but we can't get into 
discussions about Crystal. It won't be easy but that's the way it has to be."
"Why do you have to go home? You can stay here." Looking up into Jenny's eyes, 
she added "I'd really like to hold you tonight."
"Not tonight." Leaning over, she kissed Laura's cheek. "I'll see you this 
weekend for the game."
Seeing Jenny rise, Laura got to her feet as well. "Please, stay for a little 
while longer? I promise I won't try anything. I just need to talk." Come on, 
Jen, she silently willed.
"What about?"
Now that the time came, the writer found it hard to reveal the problem that had 
been in the back of her mind for most of the evening. "I um…I got email from the 
publisher."
"From the look on your face I'd say it wasn't a good email, was it?"
"Not really." Laura sat back down, resting her elbows on the table while her 
chin rested on her hands. Jenny resumed her seat as well. Laura's gaze settled 
on the napkin holder. "You know how I've been worrying about missing the 
deadline?"
"Yeah?"
"I missed it."
"What did they do?"
"Moved my print date back three months. That's going to drain the last of the 
money Dad left me." Laura shook her head. "I thought about getting a job but if 
I do that I won't have time to work on the story."
"You won't be working every minute of the day, Hon," Jenny said. "I'm going to 
make more tea. You want another one?"
"No thanks." She watched her ex-lover walk over and pick up the tea kettle. 
"Jen, I don't know what to do about it anymore. They're yelling at me to get the 
book done and I can't figure out where to go after Alexandra is rescued from the 
warehouse."
"The writer's block isn't letting up any, hm?"
"Not one bit." Laura sighed. "Remember when I'd be sitting up there writing for 
hours on end and you'd bring me coffee?"
"I remember. There were nights I couldn't get you to come to bed."
"The characters would get into my head and just not let go until I finished the 
scene. I felt so good when I had that drive."
"And now?"
"Now? I told you, now I can't figure out what to do with Alexandra."
"No, not how is the story going, how are you feeling?" Jenny stepped up behind 
her and rubbed her back. "You're not exactly the best when it comes to dealing 
with stress. I'm surprised you're not frantically cleaning the place."
"I'll save that for after you leave," Laura said, cracking a small smile. "You 
know me too well, Jen."
"So answer the question."
"How do I feel that they pushed the book back three months?"
"No, how do you feel knowing you missed the deadline?" Jenny slid into her seat. 
"I know you, remember? I remember that story you worked on for months only to 
erase it from the hard drive when you became frustrated."
"It wasn't going anywhere, just like this one."
"Yes it was. You were at least three quarters of the way through when you got 
too stressed. That's the same night you emptied all the cabinets and scrubbed 
them down if I remember correctly."
"It's that anal nature of mine, I guess," Laura sighed. "When I had a wrinkle in 
the bed, Dad wouldn't just let me fix the wrinkle. He'd tear all the bedding off 
and have me start over."
"There's a difference between making the bed and throwing away months of hard 
work," Jenny pointed out. "You're the one who wanted to become a writer. You 
can't blame anyone but yourself for missing the deadline and you can't go back 
and change what happened." The whistle of the tea kettle made Jenny stand up. 
"You know the answer to your own question, Laur." Removing the screaming kettle 
from the stove, she poured the steaming liquid into her cup. "You know, someday 
they'll figure out a way to keep the tag from falling in when you add water." 
Setting the kettle on a different burner to cool, she added milk and sugar to 
her mug and returned to the table. "So? Have you figured it out yet?"
"You're playing therapist again, Jen."
"So I am. So are you going to have a fit and destroy the story, ruining any 
chance you have of ever getting it published and making money from it or are you 
going to take advantage of the extra time you now have to sit down and make the 
story the best you can?"
"It isn't that easy." Laura rubbed her face. Why do I get myself into these 
discussions with her? I always lose. "If the ideas won't come, I can't force 
them in order to finish the story."
"Then maybe you should look at what is keeping the ideas from coming," Jenny 
said, blowing at her tea before taking a sip.
"I just can't seem to concentrate on the story. Alexandra seems…I don't 
know…flat I guess."
"How so?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I'm just distracted, I guess." Laura's 
fingers traced the rim of her mug. "You know she became upset when I said we 
were friends? I don't think she had many friends growing up. How could she with 
a father like hers?"
"Laura, we can't go there," Jenny said softly.
"How can someone do that to their own kid?" she continued, ignoring the warning.
"There is no good reason, Hon, you know that. But I would say that anyone who 
can make it through that kind of horror deserves all the support he or she can 
get, don't you?"
"I hate him, Jen. I've never met the man and I hate him for what he did to her."
"We can't…"
"I'm not talking about her," Laura said firmly. "I'm talking about me, about how 
I feel." She pushed the mug away, making sure it stayed on the coaster. "How am 
I supposed to be supportive and listen when all I want to do is have my father 
get some of his military friends to go over and beat the hell out of him?"
"Do you think answering violence with more violence will solve the problem?"
"Don't play therapist, Jen. I don't want the high road answers." Laura pushed 
her chair back and stood up.
"You never did." Jenny set the tea cup down and patted the empty chair next to 
her. "Come sit down."
"No, I can't. I have things to do." Walking over to the sink, Laura opened the 
lower cabinet and removed the mop pail. "This floor is a mess."
"The floor is fine and I'm sure you've mopped it at least once in the last 
twenty-four hours. Come on, Laur. Sit down and talk to me."
"I need to get this done, Jen," she said, testing the water temperature with her 
fingers. Once it was warm enough, Laura filled the pail before adding a healthy 
amount of cleaner to the water. Shutting off the tap, she hefted the pail out of 
the sink and set it down on the floor. When she turned to get the mop, she was 
surprised to find that Jenny had left the table and was now standing before her.
"Well if you won't talk to me then I can't stay any longer. It's getting too 
late. I know better than to try and talk you out of it. Do me a favor, though?" 
Jenny pulled her into a tight embrace. "Stop beating yourself up about missing 
the deadline," she whispered into Laura's ear. "It doesn't make you any less of 
a writer or any less of a person, despite what you think."
"You don't have to go."
Patting Laura on the back, Jenny replied "Yes I do. I'm not in the mood to fight 
you off, you octopus."
"Hey."
"Don't even think about it. I know you too well, Laura Taylor. If you think I'm 
going to believe that you're going to behave yourself tonight then I have a 
bridge in Brooklyn to sell you." Leaning in, Jenny gave her ex-lover a friendly 
kiss on the cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow."
An hour later the kitchen floor was mopped to a brilliant shine and the counters 
also reflected the same luster. Laura took her cleaning frenzy into the living 
room. Deciding that the table near the entryway needed a good polishing, she 
pulled out a fresh rag and the bottle of polish from the cleaning closet. While 
rubbing the cloth over the wood, Laura let her mind wander. You could have stay, 
Jen. I would have behaved. Her lip curled up as a devilish look crossed her 
face. Well, maybe not. Oh well, guess it's just me and my imagination tonight. 
The bright lights showed the multitude of fingerprints smudging the table 
surface. I can't believe you two. I just polished this yesterday. The pleasant 
scent of lemon filled the air as she moved the polish covered rag over the wood. 
I'm going to have to talk to Crystal about putting her fingers all over the 
place, Laura thought to herself, knowing her roommate was just as responsible 
for the smeared tabletop as her ex-lover. Deciding to check up on her wayward 
roommate, she quickly finished polishing the table and headed upstairs.
Laura quietly opened the door to Crystal's room. The night light plugged into 
the far wall outlet provided enough illumination for her to make her way over to 
the bed without stumbling into anything. "You awake?" she asked softly. "I just 
came in to check on you." Receiving no answer, Laura leaned over and tucked the 
edges of the blanket around the sleeping form. "I really wish you wouldn't get 
so wasted all the time," she whispered. "You don't need the drugs."
"Hmm?" came the groggy voice.
"Shh, it's just me," Laura replied, shifting back so her body wasn't too close 
to Crystal's. "I was just checking up on you."
"Oh." Crystal rolled onto her back. "What time is it?"
"Close to ten. What time do you have to be at work tomorrow?"
"'round seven or so," the half-asleep woman mumbled.
"Well then roll over and get some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow." 
Laura stood up and took a step toward the door. "Have a good day if I don't see 
you in the morning." She almost reached the door when she heard Crystal call to 
her.
"Laura?"
"Hmm?" It was several seconds before she heard the soft reply.
"Thanks for not being mad at me."
Laura walked back over to the bed and knelt down, resting her forearms on the 
soft blanket. "Hey, that's what friends are for, right? To help you when you're 
down?" Reaching out, she tugged the blanket up over Crystal's exposed shoulder. 
"I told you I'd rather come get you than have you driving like that. Now get 
some sleep."
After leaving Crystal's room, Laura returned downstairs to finish cleaning up 
before retiring to her own room. While the bed was a tempting sight, the 
computer proved to be a more powerful draw and Laura found herself watching the 
familiar startup logos and tests flash across the screen. Maybe something will 
come to me, she thought hopefully, reviewing the handwritten notes she kept next 
to the computer. Her main character, Bobbi, just saved a family from being 
killed in a warehouse fire and that was where Laura's creative juices trickled 
up. So now what? The family thanks Bobbi and she falls for the oldest daughter? 
Somehow the idea that seemed so good when Laura first started the novel now felt 
cliché and simplistic. Why would she fall for the daughter of the furniture 
baron? Laura rubbed her face. "This just isn't working," Laura said an hour 
later when no new words appeared on the screen. The sound of a door opening drew 
her attention away from the frustrating characters. Laura listened as Crystal 
made her way into the bathroom. A thump followed by a muffled curse drew her out 
of her chair. "Crystal? Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I just ran into the hamper, that's all," came the reply. Laura turned her 
attention back to the paper before her. This just doesn't make sense. The whole 
family is there so why would Bobbi notice Julie and not pay most of her 
attention to Julie's father? The one that makes all the money? It's not like 
Julie looks ravishing all disheveled and covered with dirt. Laura struggled with 
the problem until she heard a gentle knock on her door. "Come in."
The door opened and Crystal poked her head inside. "It sounded like you were 
still up."
"I am." Laura motioned at the monitor. "I'm just working on my story but it 
doesn't seem to be cooperating tonight."
"It's your story. You don't know what happens next?" Crystal stepped inside and 
looked at the screen. "I don't see anything but a green screen."
"I minimized it." Laura reached out and clicked on the mouse. The screen filled 
with text. "I just had Bobbi rescue the furniture baron and his family from the 
arsonist who tried to blow them up in a warehouse fire. Now Bobbi meets the 
baron's daughter Julie for the first time and I can't figure out how or why 
she'd run into her again."
"And you're trying to put the two women together?"
"Well it is a lesbian novel, Crystal," Laura said, a smile forming on her lips. 
"The idea is that Bobbi and Julie become lovers and live happily ever after. Of 
course they have to go through all sorts of challenges and trials before that 
happens. But nothing's going to happen if I can't figure out what to do next." 
She leaned back, giving Crystal more room to look at the words on the screen. 
"See right now Julie's father is going to thank Bobbi for rescuing them and then 
the police are going to arrive. I can't figure out how to get her and Julie to 
talk to each other or even what they would talk about."
"Maybe Bobbi, that's the one that's the hero, right?"
"Yeah, she's the private investigator who gets there just in the nick of time to 
save them from the bomb. Here, you can sit on the cabinet if you want." Laura 
pointed at the small two drawer file cabinet next to the desk. Crystal took the 
suggestion, resting her back against the wall. The blonde hair hung limply 
against her head, her shirt and pants rumpled from sleep. Laura noticed the 
bright red polish adorning the bare toes. The chipped surface led Laura to 
believe that Crystal had not bothered to paint them since the last time she 
worked at the Tom Cat Club. With a start Laura realized she had missed what 
Crystal said. "I'm sorry, what?"
"You said Bobbi just rescued them from a fire, right?"
"Right, arsonist sets warehouse full of flammable chemicals on fire with the 
family trapped inside."
"So what if whatever her name is got burned and had to go to the hospital? Then 
Bobbi can go visit her."
"Well I don't think I want to disfigure one of my main characters. Doesn't 
exactly make for the best visual images for the readers."
"You don't have to disfigure her, just give her a small burn, like on her arm or 
something," Crystal picked up a spongy ball from the desk and squeezed it. 
"What's this?"
"A stress ball," Laura replied. Looking down at her neatly written notes, she 
nodded. "I suppose I could put a mild burn in there. It's between semesters so 
it's not like Julie would have to worry about carrying books or anything. I 
could have her go visit Bobbi's office to thank her for saving her life." 
Picking up her pen, Laura busily scribbled notes into the margins of the paper. 
"Then of course if Julie goes to Bobbi's office she'll see the books on the 
shelf and suspect Bobbi's gay and that would lead in perfectly with the bar 
scene…" Laura's voice trailed off as she flipped pages in her notebook and made 
additional notes. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Crystal rhythmically 
squeezing the stress ball. "Jenny gave that to me. She says it's supposed to 
help when I get stressed."
"Does it?"
"I don't know. If I think of it, I suppose it does. Usually I just go on a 
cleaning spree."
"You must not think of it often," Crystal said, tossing the ball back on the 
desk. Laura smiled at the gentle ribbing and set the pen down.
"So what are you doing up, anyway? I left you over an hour ago and you were 
basically dead to the world."
"I dunno." Crystal shrugged her shoulders. "Too many years of working nights, I 
guess. I woke up to pee and now I'm wide awake."
"Still stoned?"
"I still got a buzz on but I'm not stoned stupid like before." She shook her 
head. "I could work if I had to."
"Well, you still have quite a few hours before that happens," Laura said. "Do 
you remember what we talked about in the car tonight?"
"No, not too much. I was pretty out of it." Crystal looked down at her lap and 
flushed slightly. "I know I kept asking you if you were mad at me," she said 
sheepishly.
"Oh, once or twice…a minute." Laura smiled. "It's all right, really," she said, 
reaching out and giving Crystal's foot a quick squeeze. "I told you I didn't 
mind and I meant it. And hey, I do appreciate the help with Bobbi and Julie. I'm 
sure I can make that work."
"Really?"
"Really. Sometimes I just need someone to jump start my creativity." Laura 
smiled and withdrew her hand from Crystal's foot. "You know…" Picking up the 
notebook, Laura scanned through the neatly scrawled notes. "Yes, I think it will 
work…I haven't said anything about her past yet so…" The pen returned to her 
hand and more notes were added to the margins. "Why didn't I think of this 
before? Julie would make the perfect troubled teen." Drawn into full writing 
mode, Laura pulled the keyboard tray out and began typing rapidly. "Oh, that 
would be perfect," she said to herself as words started to appear on the screen. 
The dam holding back her talent had burst open and now nothing mattered but 
taking advantage of it. So focused on getting the ideas from her mind onto the 
screen, Laura never noticed when Crystal spoke to her. Endless clacking filled 
the room as she continued to type, the story coming more and more into focus 
with each passing word. The back of her mind registered the click of the door 
when her Crystal left but Laura was too focused on the story to pay any 
attention. She had long ago forgotten her roommate was in the same room. All 
that mattered was the scene unfolding on the screen between Bobbi and Julie. For 
the first time in weeks Laura felt a sense of direction with her story. The 
writing fever settled in, causing her world to narrow to the fantasy land in her 
mind and the screen before her eyes.
Time lost all meaning as she continued to write. Hours later, even the rising 
sun lightening the sky outside failed to capture her attention. The sound of 
Crystal's alarm clock buzzing through the walls was just another sound tuned out 
by Laura's mind. Finally the sound of the shower running broke through and 
caused the writer to break her tunnel vision and look at the clock. Six fifteen? 
Not believing what her eyes told her, Laura turned and looked at her alarm 
clock. The red numbers confirmed what the computer had told her. The whole night 
had been spent writing and if the page numbers were any indication, it had been 
a productive night at that.
Stretching her arms high above her head, Laura gave a healthy yawn and stood up. 
Now the bladder that had been quiet all night awoke with a vengeance, making 
clear what was to be the first priority.
"Oof," Laura grunted when her body came into full contact with the unyielding 
door. The urgency of the situation caused Laura to forget that Crystal was in 
the bathroom and thus the door was locked. "Crystal?" Laura banged on the door. 
"You almost done in there?"
"Gimme a minute," came the reply.
"I can use the one downstairs if you're going to be a while."
"No, I'm done," Crystal said just as she opened the door. The blonde woman found 
herself not so gently moved out of the way in Laura's dash for the toilet.
"Sorry," Laura said as she watched Crystal shut the door. "I didn't realize how 
bad I had to go."
"It's all right, I was just finishing up," Crystal said through the closed door. 
"I'll get the coffee started."
"Okay. I'll be down in a minute." Laura frowned at the balled up towel sitting 
atop the hamper. That's the quickest way to make this room smell musty, she 
thought to herself. When Laura left the bathroom, the towel was draped neatly 
over the shower rod and the countertop was wiped clean.
"Sorry about running you out of the bathroom like that," Laura said when she 
entered the kitchen. Crystal was at the table, the newspaper in her hand. Laura 
walked over to the coffee maker and frowned at the half-full pot. "One of these 
days I'm going to have to break down and buy one of those pause and serve 
models. I hate waiting for coffee." Laura was unable to stop herself from 
yawning. "Oh my, I'm just about asleep on my feet."
"Were you up all night?" Crystal asked.
"Yes," Laura said proudly as she walked over to the table. "Once I start 
writing, nothing else matters. I think I got ten pages done last night."
"Well good for you then."
"You know how long it's been since I was able to just sit and type ten pages 
without stopping?" Laura pulled out a chair and sat down. "I can't believe it. 
It's like someone turned on a faucet in my brain and everything is just 
flowing." Yawning, she looked over at the coffee pot.
"Maybe you should forget about coffee and just go to bed," Crystal said.
"Oh no, are you kidding? I'm on a roll. Some coffee to wake me up and I'll be 
good as new." Standing up, Laura walked over to the cupboards. "Cream and sugar, 
right?"
"Right."
Another yawn escaped Laura's lips as she reached for the mugs. "So what time are 
you coming home tonight?"
"I dunno. Whatever time I get finished, I guess."
"Do you want me to make dinner for both of us or are you going to stop somewhere 
along the way to pick up something for yourself?"
"Are you offering real food or rabbit food?" Crystal teased.
"You liked my lemon chicken and there's nothing wrong with vegetables." Filling 
the mugs with coffee, Laura did a quick mental inventory of the refrigerator. 
"We could have linguine with clam sauce." She licked her lips. "I haven't had 
that in a long time."
"Clams? Ugh."
"How about some vegetarian chili? I haven't used the crock pot in a while."
"I'll pass on the chili too," Crystal said. "Guess I'll go through a 
drive-through and get a burger."
"Burgers aren't healthy. Don't you read the health reports?" Laura put the lid 
on the sugar bowl and turned to catch the look on Crystal's face.
"Me? Read the health report?" The blonde woman gave a snort. "Puh-lease."
"Do you have any idea what that does to your body?" Laura set the mugs down on 
the table and resumed her seat.
"Look who you're talking to," Crystal said. "Do you really think one hamburger 
is going to do more damage than my smoking and drinking?"
Unable to resist, Laura leaned forward and smirked. "You could always quit those 
too."
"Well not today, Laura. Here." Crystal smiled and pushed the folded up sections 
of newspaper across the table.
"Thanks." The pair read in silence for a few minutes until Laura piped up from 
behind her newspaper.
"How about braised chicken and leeks?"
"What's a leek?"
"Now don't be afraid but it's a vegetable."
"Naw."
"So what do you like?"
"I dunno. Don't worry about me. I'll get something."
"Well if you change your mind, call me and I'll whip something up."
"You know, I can swing by the Tom Cat Club and pick up my check. We could order 
pizza." Crystal set the paper down and reached for her mug. "I'll even 
compromise and get just mushrooms on it."
Laura smiled at the gesture but shook her head. "I can make a dozen pizzas for 
what those places charge. I have some dough in the freezer and it's nothing to 
run out and…" She was unable to stifle a yawn. "Oh excuse me. I was saying it's 
nothing for me to run out and pick up some cheese and sauce."
"Naw, stay home," Crystal said. "You need to catch up on your sleep." She rose 
to her feet and picked up her now empty mug. "I've gotta get going. See you 
later."
"Crystal, do me a favor?"
"Sure, what?"
"If you're going to be late, call me, okay?"
"You don't have to worry about me going over to Steph's or anything."
"I know I don't have to worry but I will anyway. Just call if you're going to be 
late, all right?"
"All right. If I'm gonna be late, I'll call. Anything else, Mother Hen?" Crystal 
handed Laura the empty mug. "I'll see you tonight."
 
*************************
"Miss Sheridan? Miss Foster will see you now," Jenny secretary said as she hung 
up the phone. Crystal nodded and entered the therapist's office.
"Good afternoon, Crystal. I wasn't expecting to see you again this week." Jenny 
took a seat on the couch while Crystal took the recliner.
"Yeah well, I dunno." Crystal looked everywhere but at Jenny. The feeling of 
discomfort that she felt whenever she was in the room felt stronger than ever. 
"I just thought that since you had the hour open and all…" She picked at a 
thread sticking out from the edge of the armrest. "I didn't like today's 
meditation."
"And what about it didn't you like?" Jenny countered. "Today's passage was about 
putting the blame where it belongs, on the abuser and not on the victimized 
child."
"It's stupid. Of course it's all his fault." Crystal shifted in her chair, 
finally meeting Jenny eyes. "He's the bastard that couldn't keep his hands off 
his own kids." Again her fingers went to the dangling piece of thread and began 
tugging on it as she looked away from the therapist. She waited for a response 
but Jenny simply continued to look at her. "Aren't you going to say something?"
"What do you want me to say, Crystal?"
"I dunno, something."
"All right. How about you tell me what it is about that passage that has you so 
riled up today?"
"I don't want to talk about it. It's stupid."
"Your feelings aren't stupid," Jenny said gently. "They may be hard to 
understand. They may even be too painful to deal with but they are not stupid."
"Easy for you to say, Doc," Crystal snorted. "You didn't live with that 
bastard." Shifting until her knees were under her chin and her arms wrapped 
tightly around her calves, Crystal let her eyes settle on a spot on the floor. 
"You didn't have to put up him throwing your dinner against the wall because he 
ran out of beer. You didn't have to put up with all the yelling and swearing and 
screaming and hitting." As she spoke, Crystal's voice grew more agitated and her 
grip tightened. "You didn't have to hide under your blanket praying for him to 
die. You didn't have to listen to him…" Feeling her throat tighten, Crystal 
shook her head and clenched her jaw tightly.
"You are right, Crystal," Jenny said. "I wasn't there. I wouldn't know firsthand 
of all the horrors you've suffered. Only you can tell me what that feels like. 
Try using I statements."
"You don't-"
"Use I, Crystal."
"I…" The tightness in her throat felt like a vise cutting off her words. "I…I 
hate him." Tugging hard on the loose thread, Crystal finally succeeding in 
breaking it free from the recliner.
"Please don't destroy my furniture," Jenny said, planting her feet on the floor 
and leaning forward until her forearms were resting on her thighs. "If you're 
feeling destructive, I have a whole chest full of stress relieving aides."
"I'm not feeling destructive," Crystal grumbled, crossing her arms to keep her 
wandering fingers from going after another loose piece of thread.
"Well that's good to hear. So why don't you tell me why you called at lunchtime 
today looking for an appointment? Something must be troubling you."
Crystal remained silent for a moment, trying to find words to express the 
turmoil raging inside. Finally she blurted "Why do you make me read that damn 
book? I hate it."
"Why?"
"Because it makes me remember!" Crystal shouted, her hands balling into fists. 
"I read that damn thing before I left for work this morning and that's all I 
could think about all day." She reached for her cigarettes.
"How about a nice piece of sugar free hard candy instead?" Jenny offered, 
gesturing at the candy dish next to the coffee maker.
"I need a cigarette, not a piece of candy," Crystal grumbled, pushing the pack 
back into her pocket. Pushing out the chair, she crossed the room and retrieved 
a Styrofoam cup from the stack next to the coffee maker. "You know throwing shit 
out a window doesn't require a whole lot of brain power," Crystal said over her 
shoulder as she prepared her coffee. "I just walked up and down the damn hallway 
with no one to talk to but myself. Everyone else is in the rooms tearing down 
walls or whatever the hell it is they're doing in there." Instead of returning 
to her seat, Crystal walked over to the window and stared out. "I tune out all 
the different radios playing and get that tunnel vision, you know?" She 
continued on without waiting for an answer. "I dunno. I just couldn't get that 
stuff out of my mind. It…it just…" Crystal shook her head in frustration. The 
words that wanted to escape were too dangerous to give voice to but nothing else 
would come forth. "Forget it."
"You know I'm not going to let go that easily," Jenny said. "You said it makes 
you remember." Crystal stiffened, taking a purposeful swallow of her coffee 
before turning to meet Jenny's gaze. "What does it make you remember?"
"Everything." Crystal quickly drained the contents of the Styrofoam cup and 
tossed it in the wastebasket. She looked at the recliner but opted instead to 
place some distance between herself and the therapist. She planted herself on 
the blue beanbag, resting her wrists on her knees.
"Does it make you remember how you felt?" Jenny asked gently.
"Angry," Crystal replied, settling her focus on a brightly colored ball made of 
foam.
"What else?"
"Mad, angry…what else are you looking for?"
"Anger masks an emotion we're too afraid to face." Jenny shifted closer, 
remaining on the couch but now sitting closer to her. "What are you thinking 
about right this minute?"
"Nothing," Crystal answered quickly, knowing from the look on Jenny's face that 
her answer would not be accepted. "I was just remembering, that's all." 
Shoulders shrugging, she reached out with her foot and kicked the ball away.
"Share with me."
"Ah, it's not a pretty story, Doc."
"Tell me," Jenny urged more firmly.
Crystal shifted her position on the beanbag, reaching out and picking up a hand 
strengthener. "It's like a movie clip playing over and over in my mind," she 
began, her gaze never leaving the floor. "I'm in my bed and I can hear him 
coming down the hall." Crystal squeezed the rubber grips until her knuckles were 
white before releasing them.
"It must have been scary for you, knowing what was going to happen and being 
unable to prevent it," Jenny prodded.
"There had to be something," Crystal said, increasing the rhythm of her squeezes 
on the grips. "I should have run away earlier or locked the door or something."
"You tried to run away, several times if I remember correctly. As for locking 
your door, what do you think your father would have done if you had locked it?"
"I did lock it once." The hand strenthener was tossed onto the red beanbag. "He 
bashed the door in. It never closed right again." A wry smile came to Crystal's 
lips and she raised her head to look at the therapist. "He beat the shit out of 
me that night, Doc." Finding Jenny's serious gaze too much to handle, Crystal 
looked away. "I think it was only a month or so after that when I finally got 
away from the bastard." She shook her head. "Nope, nothing but anger in there, 
Doc. I'm too numb to feel anything else."
Jenny gestured at the red beanbag. "May I?" Crystal reluctantly nodded and 
watched the therapist settle into a comfortable position. "Crystal, I'd like for 
you to do something, okay? First, uncross your legs and get comfortable."
Crystal raised an eyebrow and pushed her legs straight out.
"Good, now close your eyes."
"You trying to hypnotize me, Doc? I'm not up to walk around clucking like a 
chicken."
"I knew there was a sense of humor hidden inside there somewhere," Jenny said 
with a smile. "I promise I'm not going to try and hypnotize you. Now close your 
eyes." Crystal did as she was told, allowing herself to be enveloped in 
darkness. "Good," she heard Jenny say. "Now I want you to think about the clip 
you keep seeing in your mind." Instantly the vision of lying in her bed 
listening to the sound of her father's heavy footsteps coming down the hall 
filled her senses. "I want to think carefully," Jenny continued, her voice low 
and smooth. "Think about the temperature of the room, the sounds going on around 
you, the feel of the room around you. I want you to concentrate on the details." 
The blurred images came into sharper focus.
"I see it," Crystal said.
"Good. Now Crystal, I want you to concentrate. What do you look like?"
"What?"
"Close your eyes. Better. I asked you what you look like in the scene. Describe 
yourself to me. What are you wearing, how tall are you, that kind of stuff."
"I dunno." Crystal shrugged, her forehead furrowed with thought. "I don't really 
see myself, just a shape where I'm supposed to be."
"Think hard. What did you look like then?"
"I was short for my age. I didn't really sprout until I was sixteen and by then 
I was out of there so I guess I was probably around five foot or so. Maybe five 
one or two."
"Where you a strong girl?"
"I did okay in sports but I wasn't a standout or anything."
"So about average for a fourteen year old."
"Yeah, I guess so," Crystal said, the image in her mind gaining shape but still 
very fuzzy. "I can't see my face, though."
"Do you have any old photographs from when you were younger?"
"No. I didn't think to pack those when I snuck out, Doc," Crystal said 
sarcastically. "I guess when I think about it I see myself like I am now."
"I want you to think of yourself when you were fourteen. Think about the hair, 
the pimples, the clothes, everything you can." Jenny's encouragement brought a 
clearer face to the child in Crystal's vision. "Now," Jenny said gently. "Do you 
see yourself better?"
"Yeah, I think so," Crystal replied.
"Okay, think about how small you were in comparison to your father."
Crystal flinched at the mention of her father and frowned, knowing Jenny saw her 
movement as well. "Yeah?"
"I want you to think about something else. Keep that image in your mind." 
Crystal kept her eyes closed, following Jenny's direction. "Who decided what 
time you woke up in the morning?"
"My parents did."
"And the time you went to bed at night?"
"They did."
"What about what you ate for breakfast? Dinner? What you wore to school?"
"Them."
"Sounds like you had very little power there," Jenny said.
"I picked out my underwear, that's about it," Crystal replied angrily, old 
feelings bubbling to the surface.
"So how can you possibly expect yourself, as a teenager with nothing but turmoil 
and chaos around you to be able to defend yourself against someone so much more 
powerful than you?"
Unable to think of a quick response, Crystal opened her eyes and looked at her 
therapist.
"You've never thought about it, have you?" Jenny continued, leaning forward 
until her knees were only inches away from Crystal's. "When you think about the 
past, you expect that child to be able to think and act as you would now as an 
adult."
"No I don't," Crystal protested, hugging her knees closer to her chest.
"Look deep down inside," Jenny insisted. "You keep saying if only I had a 
stronger lock or if only I had done this or done that. You were a child, 
Crystal. A little girl at the mercy of someone much bigger and stronger than 
yourself."
If Jenny said more, Crystal didn't hear it. Her thoughts were far away, in 
another time and place, where the monsters were real and the person who was 
supposed to protect her turned out to be her worst nightmare. Crystal tried to 
stiffen up, to put forth her tough persona, but it felt hollow and empty, even 
to her. Slumping her shoulders, she let her head fall forward. The painful 
memories and feelings that had been resurfacing all day finally found the 
strength to break through the dam and burst forth. Rapid blinking did nothing to 
ease the stinging in her eyes and Crystal knew the battle was lost. Burying her 
face into her arms, she felt the hot tears come. Her shaky breathing threatened 
to turn into an all out sob but years of self-preservation helped Crystal 
quickly regain control. Wiping her wet face on her sleeves of her shirt, she 
stood up and walked over to the window. Looking through the tinted glass, 
Crystal watched various cars and trucks drive up and down the street. Taking 
several deep breaths, Crystal began to speak, not at all certain she would be 
able to keep her emotions in check. "I…I think that's enough for today, Doc."
"You can't run away from yourself," Jenny said gently, her voice coming from 
just behind Crystal's shoulder. "I know you like to think of yourself as a one 
woman island capable of existing without human comfort but you aren't."
"I can handle it," Crystal said firmly, refusing to look away from the window as 
another tear rolled down her face.
"Sure you can, Jane Wayne. Just you, your horse and a trusty six-shooter to kill 
anyone who comes near you, right?" A friendly hand landed on Crystal's shoulder. 
"You have a million feelings going through you right now and no idea how to sort 
them all out. I thought that's what you came here to do, not to run away the 
minute things started getting hard."
Crystal sniffed and wiped her eyes, still refusing to turn around. "I hate 
this," she said quietly. "I…" She watched a van make its way down the street 
while she collected her thoughts. "I hate feeling this way."
"What way is that?" the soft voice behind her asked.
"I dunno." Shrugging her shoulders, Crystal moved away, keeping her back to 
Jenny. Returning to the blue beanbag, she slumped down into it, letting out a 
deep breath of air when she finally felt in control of her rarely used tear 
ducts. She watched Jenny return to her beanbag.
"You know, you just don't want to admit it," Jenny said. "I told you no cop outs 
here." The distant sound of the church bell caused her to look at her watch. 
"But I'll give you a break tonight. It is getting late. Look at me." She waited 
until she had Crystal's full attention before continuing. "I want you to go home 
and write tonight." Ignoring Crystal's groan, she continued. "I want you to 
write about the dream you keep having. Try to put as much detail in it as you 
can. Don't forget that the people in your life today aren't the same as the ones 
in your past. You're around people who care about you. Don't forget to reach out 
if you need to."
"I don't want to write tonight," Crystal said, rubbing her eyes and standing up. 
"I just want to get numb."
"Getting numb won't make the pain go away," Jenny replied as she rose to her 
feet. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again 
and expecting a new result. Try doing something different for a change. I 
guarantee you won't wake up with a hangover."
"It takes a really rough night for me to wake up with a hangover, Doc. I can 
hold my liquor."
"Yeah, so I've seen," Jenny smirked. "I don't take bullshit either, Jane Wayne. 
Go home and remember you're a woman, not a tank."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning go easy on yourself," Jenny said. "You're a woman who needs comfort 
from time to time. Don't be so afraid to take it, okay?"
"I'll see you Saturday at softball, Doc," Crystal replied, reaching for her 
keys.
"Hey, rule twenty six." Jenny stood in front of her and reached out. "I believe 
everyone needs at least five hugs a day. You are way overdue for one, I'm sure."
"You're kidding." As she found herself enveloped in a gentle hug, Crystal knew 
the answer. "Yeah yeah, okay, you've given me a hug. Leggo now."
"Read your meditations, write in your journal and don't forget to reach out to 
the people who care about you," Jenny said as she pulled back. "I'll see you 
Saturday."
Part 8
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L
 
The parking lot of the liquor store was dark, the overhead light broken some 
time ago by vandals and never repaired. Crystal parked her car near the front 
door, wanting as much light around her as possible now that darkness had fallen. 
Leaving the store with the brown paper bag in her hand, she looked around the 
dim lot carefully before leaving the safety of the doorway for her car. Once 
inside the small interior of her Omni, Crystal locked her door and set the 
bottle on the passenger seat. I can't do this, it's just too hard, she thought 
to herself, reaching out to start the engine. All I think about is that fucking 
place and all the shit that happened. Pulling out onto the street, Crystal 
pushed her foot down hard on the accelerator, quickly passing the speed limit. 
At least when I'm wasted I don't think about it. The bottle sitting on seat 
screamed out from within the paper bag but Crystal knew in her present state of 
mind that if she started drinking, she'd have half the bottle finished before 
she reached home, if she made it home at all. "Ah, who cares anyway," she said 
aloud, reaching out for the bottle. Her fingers barely closed around the bag 
when she saw the bright blue lights flashing in the rear view mirror. "Oh shit," 
she said, letting go of the bag and reaching for her seat belt. Oh shit, is 
there any weed in the car? Crystal tried hard to remember as she guided the car 
to the shoulder of the road. Reaching between the seats and putting the car in 
park, she shut off the engine and rolled down the window. Did I put the new 
insurance card in the glove compartment? Crystal looked at the rear view mirror, 
not at all happy with the sight of the police car parking behind hers. The blue 
lights continued to strobe incessantly as seconds passed. What are you doing, 
running my plate? Please just get up here and give me a speeding ticket and go 
away. Crystal was definitely unsure if there was any marijuana in her glove 
compartment. The registration is in there. What if he sees something when I 
reach for it? Maybe I should get it now, just in case. But on the other hand, if 
he sees me moving around in there, he might become suspicious and want to search 
the car. That would not be a good thing. Over a week ago she had dropped her 
pipe and at the time simply kicked it under the front seat. The sound of a car 
door closing made the decision for her. Do nothing and see what happens.
Crystal's heart began pounding as the uniformed officer approached her vehicle. 
Watching through her side view mirror, Crystal's eyes grew wide when the cop 
stopped at her rear bumper and appeared to be looking at something. Don't tell 
me I have a broken taillight or something. Oh damn, when was the last time this 
thing was inspected? Wiping the sweat from her upper lip, she nervously poked 
her head out the window. "Um, is something wrong, officer?"
"Stay in the vehicle, Miss," the deep feminine voice said with authority. 
Crystal immediately turned around and faced forward, both hands gripping the top 
of the steering wheel. What if she frisks me? Crystal knew she had rolling 
papers in her back pocket. Finding those would most surely be enough cause for 
the policewoman to tear the car apart. Damn damn, this isn't good. She heard her 
name come over the police radio and the officer respond before walking up to her 
door. "License, registration and proof of insurance, please."
"Uh…sure." Crystal shifted in her seat to reach for her wallet, all the while 
nervously watching as the policewoman shined her flashlight throughout the car's 
interior. "Um, here's my license. The insurance and registration are in the 
glove compartment."
"Are there any weapons or illegal drugs in this vehicle, Miss…Sheridan?" The 
officer's voice sounded familiar to Crystal but she couldn't pinpoint it.
"No." Leaning over and noting that the flashlight beam followed her hands, 
Crystal reached into the compartment and removed the flimsy plastic sleeve that 
held the papers for the car. Removing the registration and insurance cards, she 
handed them over.
"Is this your current address?"
"Um, no. I live in the Terraces." Crystal watched as the officer flipped the 
license over and scribbled something down on her pad.
"You're required to notify the department of motor vehicles within ten days of 
any change in address and mark it clearly on the reverse of your license," the 
officer said, her flashlight still weaving a pattern of light throughout the 
interior of the car. "Have you had anything to drink tonight?"
"No, I'm on my way home," Crystal replied.
"Mm hmm," the officer said noncommittally. A few more notes were scribbled 
before she put the pad down and took a step back from the car. "Step out of the 
vehicle, please."
Oh fuck. Taking a deep breath, Crystal unbuckled the seat belt and opened the 
door. Please let that pipe be waaay under the front seat. She was trying to 
remember the name of a lawyer when the police officer spoke.
"Aren't you Laura Taylor's new roommate?" Now standing under the street light, 
Crystal now knew the reason why the voice sounded familiar. It was Alex Duncan, 
the shortstop from the Falcons softball team.
"Yes," Crystal said happily. The odds of needing a lawyer just dropped 
considerably. Alex was smiling and leaning against the open door. "I didn't know 
you were a cop."
"Yeah, it's my job to keep these streets safe at night," Alex replied. "Speaking 
of which, not a good idea to be doing fifty in a thirty five."
"Oh, yeah…sorry." So much for getting out of a ticket.
"You swear you haven't been drinking?"
"Not a drop." Crystal thought about the bottle sitting on the front seat. 
"Actually I just picked something up to take home to drink." She motioned at the 
passenger seat, pointing out what hadn't been visible to Alex's eye before, the 
whiskey bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag.
"You have a light out over the license plate, by the way," Alex said as she 
leaned in and removed the whiskey bottle from the bag. "Good thing this seal 
isn't broken. I would have had to charge you with carrying an open container." 
Alex returned the bottle to the seat and handed Crystal's documents back to her. 
"I suppose I can let you off with a warning this time on the speeding but I have 
to give you a ticket for the defective light." She opened her pad and clicked 
open her pen. "I'd already started to write it out. No fine if you get it 
replaced and have this ticket signed by a licensed mechanic or bring it down to 
the police station to have it checked before dusk tomorrow." Officer Duncan held 
the pad and pen out. "Signing is not an admission of guilt, only of receipt of 
your ticket. So you're off work and just heading home to have a few drinks, hm?"
Crystal signed the ticket and handed the pad back to Alex. "Yeah, well…"
"Shame I'm on until midnight." Alex stepped out of the way of the door, silently 
telling Crystal it was all right to get back in the car. "I'd love to buy you a 
drink sometime," the officer said softly as Crystal walked past her to get into 
the driver's seat.
"Oh, um yeah." Now that the danger of a search was gone, Crystal smiled at the 
flirtatious cop.
"I know Laura's number. I'll call you sometime then?"
"That sounds nice," she said, using the same tone she used so many times before 
on horny men wanting her phone number. "Tell you what. I'm never home. Why don't 
I give you a call sometime?" Making sure to buckle her seat belt, Crystal tossed 
the license and other documents on the passenger seat and started the engine.
"There's a speed trap set up near exit six."
"Thanks for the tip. Good night." Crystal began rolling up the window as soon as 
Alex stepped back. Oh my god, I got away with it. Watching in her rear view, 
Crystal waited until the police officer was back in her own unit before she 
pulled away from the shoulder and onto the roadway. That's it. Tomorrow I'm 
going to clean out the car. The overhead street lights caught the bright white 
of the ticket sitting on the seat. "Guess I'll be going to the auto parts store 
too."
********************
"Oh what is that horrid noise?" Crystal shouted as she stepped into the 
townhouse. The music was coming from Laura's bedroom and as the stripper 
listened to a few bars, she recognized it as one of the Carpenter's signature 
songs. Finding the door to Laura's room open, Crystal knocked lightly on the 
jamb and stepped inside. "Why are you listening to such depressing music?"
"It's not depressing, it's thought provoking," the writer defended as she shut 
the tape player off.
"Sure, if you're thinking of killing yourself." Crystal walked over to the short 
file cabinet and sat down atop it. "How ya doing?"
"Hello yourself and I'm fine." Laura gestured at the monitor. "I think I got 
over fifteen pages done so far. It's been a most productive day."
"Good for you."
"What's that? Refilling your stock?"
"Yeah well…" Crystal set the whiskey bottle on the floor, out of Laura's sight.
"Yeah." Laura let the subject drop. "So how was your day? You look like you've 
been playing in a dirt pile. Make sure you spot soak those stains with detergent 
before you put them in my washing machine."
"You're the only person I know who worries about keeping your washing machine 
clean." Looking at her roommate, Crystal noticed Laura's drawn face and puffy 
eyes. "Did you take a nap today at all?"
"I didn't have time. Those ideas you gave me yesterday were just what I needed 
to bring Bobbi and Julie together." Laura stretched in her seat, rolling her 
head from side to side until she heard a satisfying pop. "I'm almost ready for 
them to have their first kiss."
"Oh yes, let's get them into bed as soon as possible," Crystal said teasingly. 
"I think you need a break. Tell you what, I'll make dinner tonight."
"You know how to cook?"
"Bite me," Crystal replied, hopping off the file cabinet and retrieving her 
bottle from its hiding place. "Come on, you need to get away from this 
depressing music."
As they made their way down the stairs, Laura continued to defend her musical 
tastes. "The Carpenters aren't depressing. And melancholy music is the perfect 
setting for the scene I'm working on."
"I hope it isn't a love scene," Crystal quipped as she stepped into the kitchen. 
"So what are you in the mood for? I know nothing that resembles real food." She 
opened the refrigerator and glanced at the contents of each shelf. Oh, I didn't 
know she had green olives hidden in here, Crystal thought to herself, making a 
mental note to come down later and help herself to a few. "What's this thing 
that looks like a burger?"
"It a veggie burger."
"How do you cook it? Just like a regular one?"
"Pretty much. I add some fried onions and cheese for flavoring."
"Sounds good. I have a piece of cube steak in here somewhere…" Crystal moved 
jars of unidentifiable concoctions around but her meat was nowhere to be found. 
"Where is it?"
"I moved it away from my leftover rigatoni. Look on the bottom shelf in the 
back."
"Of course, why didn't I see it before?" Crystal said sarcastically, moving the 
baskets of fresh berries out of her way to reach the steak. "Do you have onions 
and cheese?"
"Cheese is in the dairy compartment on the door and the onions are in the bottom 
drawer."
Crystal found the ingredients and placed them on the counter. Opening several 
drawers turned up the good cutting knives. Laura had buried herself in the 
newspaper, leaving the blonde to her own thoughts. As it did so many times 
during the day, Crystal's mind went back to the past. It shouldn't keep hurting 
so much. Picking up the knife, she began slicing the onion. I know what Jenny 
wants. She wants me to break down and tell her what he did like that's going to 
make any kind of difference. The force of the knife through the onion increased 
and Crystal soon felt stinging tears come to her eyes. With her back to Laura 
and her fingers covered with onion juice, she let the tears fall, knowing it 
would be worse if she tried to rub her eyes. Bet this would make her happy, 
seeing me cry like this again. Sniffing and rubbing her cheeks against the upper 
sleeves of her shirt, Crystal shoved the knife away and scooped the slivers on 
onion into the frying pan. I miss you Patty. I really need a hug. A small half 
sob escaped her lips, the onions no longer to blame for the tears.
"You okay?" Laura asked from the table.
Crystal sniffed and lowered the temperature of the burner. "Uh yeah, strong 
onion, I guess." Everything else could wait a few minutes. "I'm going to step 
outside for a smoke." Lowering her head and looking away from Laura, Crystal 
quickly made her way out to the deck.
The moon was still below the tree line, casting very little light on the deck. 
Gripping the rail with both hands, Crystal faced the darkness, unable to stop 
the stinging tears from falling. The anger that used to come so easily to her 
couldn't break through the stronger emotion, pain. The memories of being a 
lonely girl with no one to turn to refused to go away and Crystal felt herself 
slipping back to that painful time. She never heard the sliding glass door slide 
open or Laura stepping out onto the deck. Crystal jumped at the feel of a gentle 
hand on her back.
"Hey…" Laura spoke softly. "Com'mere." Before she could react, Crystal found 
herself wrapped within Laura's gentle embrace.
"I…"
"Shh, it's okay," the writer said. Crystal felt the hold tighten, her head 
pressed into Laura's shoulder. "Once in a while we all need to just let it out."
"I c-can't stop," Crystal sniffled, awkwardly letting her arms go around Laura's 
back. "It j-just…it just hurts so much." Unable to stop herself, she burrowed 
deeper into the hug, feeling the heat of Laura's body through the thin cotton 
shirt. The tears fell freely for the first time in many years and Crystal found 
herself helpless to stop them. Just as she sought comfort in her sister's 
embrace as a child, Crystal now tightened her grip around Laura's back as sobs 
wracked her body. As her tears soaked into Laura's shirt, she felt a hand 
rubbing gently up and down her back. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Crystal felt Laura's grip tighten. "I told you, sometimes we all 
have to just let it out." The hands rubbing her back and hair stopped. "Do you 
feel like going inside now?" Laura asked. Crystal nodded and allowed herself to 
be led through the kitchen and onto the couch where Laura insisted on sitting 
next to her.
"I-I'm sorry," she said, wiping at her face with her sleeve. "I thought it was 
the onions but…" She looked everywhere but at Laura, embarrassed by the crying 
jag. "I'd better get back to dinner." Crystal tried to get up only to find 
herself held in place by a firm hand on her chest.
"Dinner can wait," Laura insisted. "You're more important." As she spoke, Laura 
moved her hand up to cup Crystal's chin, forcing their eyes to meet. "Talk to 
me." Crystal found herself looking into Laura's hazel eyes, finding both care 
and concern within them. "Come on, Crystal, talk to me," Laura repeated softly.
"I just keep thinking about the past," Crystal said, breaking the gaze and 
focusing on the laces of Laura's sneaker instead. "My father was such a 
bastard." Unsure what to say, Laura remained quiet, giving Crystal the time she 
needed to collect her thoughts. The smell of cooking onions began to filter 
through the air. Laura made a mental note of it but remained where she was, one 
arm around the back of Crystal's shoulders. The shrill ringing of the phone 
interrupted the silence.
"Let the machine get it," Laura said. Three rings later she heard the familiar 
click and the recorded sound of her own voice.
"This is Laura. I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message." 
Beep.
"Laura, it's Jenny," the distorted voice said. "Call me when you get in." There 
was a click then the room returned to silence.
"I saw her today," Crystal said quietly.
"I thought you usually saw her on Mondays?"
Crystal nodded. "I do but I've been feeling like this all day."
"Oh, so she saw you again today?" Crystal nodded. "Good," Laura continued. "What 
did she say?"
"She said I need to…reach out more, I guess." Crystal shrugged. "I need to talk 
about what happened " She shook her head. "How am I supposed to talk about 
something like that?" She looked up at Laura again, still finding the gentle 
look of concern on her face.
"Just like you're doing now."
"Easy for you to say. I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams," Crystal said.
"Interesting visual image," Laura said. "Maybe you feel that way because there's 
something inside that's trying very hard to come out."
"Now you're sounding like Doc," the blonde said, causing them both to smile 
briefly. "Maybe," she admitted with a nod, the smile leaving her face.
"I told you before if you ever needed to talk, I'd be here."
Crystal nodded and looked away. "I don't think I can."
"I know you can," Laura said firmly. "You're strong. You can handle it."
"Strong?" Crystal snorted. "I don't think so."
"How can you say that?" Laura shifted and waited for Crystal to look at her 
before continuing. "Have you ever seriously sat down and thought about it? I 
don't know many people who would have survived what you have. After all the 
horrible things your family did to you, you still managed to get away and 
support yourself all these years." Laura shook her head. "At fifteen I was 
worrying about passing Biology and not getting too many pimples. I don't think I 
could have made it on the streets all by myself." Laura paused, choosing her 
words carefully. "Especially if I'd been raped." The word caused an immediate 
reaction. Crystal stiffened noticeably and crossed her arms in front of her 
chest. Her eyes took on a faraway look. The now burning onions couldn't be 
ignored any longer. "I'll be right back," Laura said as she rose to her feet. 
She went to the kitchen and shut off the burner, deciding that the pan could be 
cleaned out later. When she returned to the living room, she found Crystal in 
the same position, lost in deep thought. "Hey."
Crystal looked at her, blue eyes rimmed with red from her crying. Laura fought 
the urge to pull Crystal into a hug, instead resuming her seat next to the 
emotionally pained woman. To her surprise, Crystal reached out and grasped her 
wrist, pulling her hand back to its previous position around the blonde woman's 
neck. Taking the invitation, Laura wiggled closer until she had Crystal's head 
resting on her shoulder and their bodies touching. "So do you want to talk or 
just sit here for a little while?" she asked softly, letting her thumb move back 
and forth across the curve of Crystal's shoulder.
"Did you have a bike when you were a kid?"
"Um…yeah," Laura replied, remembering now Crystal's habit of changing subjects 
without warning. "It was purple with a white flowered banana seat and a matching 
basket on the front."
"I had a bike too. It was Patty's before she gave it to me." Crystal continued 
to let her head rest against Laura's shoulder, a move that surprised them both. 
"It was a boy's bike but that didn't matter to us. It was a bike. She won it, 
you know."
"Patty?"
"Yeah, there was an art contest put on by the school and they gave away a bike 
to the winner. She bought herself a bigger one at a garage sale with some money 
she had saved. Patty was good at saving money, not like me."
"Not one of your strong suits, hmm?"
"I never have any money to save but even when I do get some extra, I usually 
spend it right away."
"I've always been a saver," Laura said. "Dad used to make me put a third of my 
allowance each week into the bank. By the time I graduated high school I had 
enough to pay for my own car."
"After Patty bought the ten speed at the garage sale, we used to ride our bikes 
everywhere. Of course that was before that drunken bastard ran over them with 
his fucking car. Took us almost a year of returning bottles before we could get 
new ones." Crystal sat up and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees 
and rubbing her hands together. When seconds passed with no further words from 
Crystal, Laura wondered if that would be the end of the conversation for the 
night but finally her roommate began talking again. "I loved having a bicycle," 
Crystal said. "It gave me freedom. When I was out riding it, no one could touch 
me." Crystal blinked several times. "He couldn't touch me," she added in a lower 
voice.
"He can't touch you here either," Laura said softly, hoping to encourage Crystal 
to continue talking.
"For all I know the bastard could be dead. I wish he was." Crystal sat back and 
looked at Laura. "I really need a drink and a smoke."
"Cigarettes or something else?"
"Does it matter?"
"Depends on whether you want to keep talking or not. If you want a cigarette, we 
can go out onto the deck. If you want the other, you'll have to go up to your 
room and I don't want to be around that stuff." Laura hoped she wasn't making 
the wrong move. It seemed that Crystal was on the verge of really opening up and 
Laura certainly didn't want to do anything to hinder that but at the same time 
she didn't want to encourage the drug use.
"I guess a cigarette it is then," Crystal said, rising to her feet. "But it is 
getting cool out there with the wind and all. Can we go upstairs to my room? I 
have that orange chair in there that you can sit in if you want."
Laura hesitated, knowing it put the pot within easy reach and she was certain 
Crystal wouldn't stay away from it for long in her current state. "I'll tell you 
what. Do you know how to play rummy?"
"Sure, Patty and I used to play it. I kicked her butt."
"You clear a way through that minefield of a room of yours and I'll bring the 
cards."
"Deal."
************
It had been several days since Laura had seen the inside of Crystal's room and 
thus was surprised to see that her assumption of disarray was on the mark. Dirty 
clothes were scattered about the floor, no doubt remaining where they were 
originally thrown when Crystal was changing. The small waste basket near the bed 
was filled to the brim with cigarette butts and empty whiskey bottles. Crystal's 
newest purchase was sitting on the nightstand, the glass next to it already 
filled with the amber liquor. Crystal was sitting cross-legged on her bed, the 
ashtray and lit cigarette next to her. "How do you find your way to the bed?" 
Laura joked as she pulled the orange chair next to the bed.
"Well the bed doesn't move. I know where it is. I'll pick all this up when I do 
laundry. Come on, let's play cards."
"Can you light one of those incense before your cigarette kills me?"
"Help yourself. You know where they are. Here."
Laura caught the thrown lighter and soon had an incense stick burning in the 
holder. Settling into her chair, she smoothed the bedspread and began shuffling 
the cards. "Regular or gin rummy?"
"Regular. I hate getting caught with all those cards in my hand," Crystal said. 
She took a long drag on her cigarette before picking up her cards. "So you're 
always trying to get me to talk about myself. Tell me about you for a change."
"There isn't much to tell," Laura said as she arranged her cards. "What do you 
want to know?"
"I dunno." Crystal shrugged her shoulders. "When did you figure out you were a 
dyke?"
"I prefer lesbian," Laura corrected. "And you go first by the way." She waited 
for Crystal to put a card in the discard pile before reaching for the deck. "I 
was in college so probably around nineteen or twenty or so." She set three aces 
down on the bed before tossing a useless queen into the discard pile. "I figured 
out what I was months before I slept with another woman, though."
"How did you know if you didn't…?"
"You need to throw a card out and I didn't need to have sex with a woman to know 
that emotionally I could only connect with one. There's more to it than just 
sex." Laura picked up a card and rearranged her cards, seeing if the jack could 
be of any use.
"Have you ever been with a guy?"
"Again how do I know if I don't try it, right?" Giving up on the jack, she 
tossed it on top of the discard pile. "When did you put that run down? I didn't 
notice." Laura looked through her cards, debating about ruining two possible 
runs just to play off of Crystal's cards. "And for the record, I have slept with 
a guy before."
"And?"
"And it was okay but not what I want. A woman is…just different, I suppose." 
Setting down a run of hearts, Laura smiled as she set down the discard. "You'd 
better start moving there, I only have one left."
"So that's where all the damn hearts were," Crystal said, taking another long 
drag on her cigarette. "I needed that nine and you had it all this time?"
"I didn't know you needed it."
"Funny." Crystal tossed the jack of hearts out, not wanting to be caught with a 
face card should Laura be able to set down her last card and go out.
"So what about you? I know you're straight but have you ever…?"
"No. Some greasy old man offered me money once if I'd do it with his girlfriend 
while he watched but I turned him down." Crystal's eyes lit up when the card she 
pulled from the top of the pack was the one she had been waiting for. "I'm out," 
she announced, setting down a five card run and throwing the extra card on the 
discard pile.
"I see you had all the clubs. Do you want to keep score?"
"Sure. I don't have any paper though."
"Don't worry about it. I'll get some from my room. I'll get a bottle of water 
while I'm at it and make sure everything is locked up downstairs. Do you need 
anything while I'm down there?"
"No, I'm all set." Crystal motioned at her bottle of whiskey.
As soon as Laura left the room, Crystal rolled over and opened the nightstand 
drawer, retrieving a black film case and a silver tube known as a one-hitter. 
Tamping a small amount of pot into one end, Crystal put her lips to the other 
and lit it, drawing just enough to fill her lungs but not send her into a 
choking fit. While holding her breath, Crystal reached into the drawer again and 
pulled out an empty toilet paper tube covered on one end by a dryer sheet. 
Putting her lips to against the dryer sheet, she blew the smoke into the tube, 
effectively masking the odor. Crystal was able to take three more hits before 
she heard Laura coming back up the stairs. Tossing the one-hitter and film case 
back in the drawer, she shoved the tube under her pillow and was lighting a 
cigarette when her roommate returned.
Laura didn't notice the narrow eyes right away but her sensitive nose did pick 
up a strong scent that reminded her of burnt rubber and air freshener. "Did you 
light a different incense?"
"Um, no but I did just light another cigarette."
"Oh, that must be it then." Laura moved some trash out of her way to make room 
for her bottle of water on the nightstand. "It's your deal."
"Okay. Do you want to play poker instead?"
"You should have said something before I went downstairs. All the game things 
like the chip racks are in the closet." Laura sat down in the orange chair. 
"Let's just keep playing rummy. If I go downstairs again, I'll get the chips."
"Okay." Crystal began dealing the cards, smiling to herself. The smile gave way 
to a snicker.
"What?"
"Nothing," Crystal said, the silly smirk still on her face.
"Come on, share with me."
"It's nothing."
"Yeah, it really looks it," Laura said dubiously.
"You really wanna know?"
"Of course."
"Okay." Crystal paused and looked at the cards in front of them. "How many am I 
supposed to deal out?"
"Seven." Laura looked at the hands as well. "You misdealt. I have eight and it 
looks like you have at least nine over there." Laura handed her cards over to 
Crystal and reached for her water. "So what's so funny?"
Crystal looked up, confused. "Funny?"
"Two seconds ago you looked like you knew the world's funniest joke."
"Oh, that." Crystal shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. I can't remember."
"Uh huh." It was then that Laura finally noticed the slitted blue eyes. "You got 
into your pot while I was downstairs, didn't you?"
"Um…" Crystal looked at her. "If I say yes, will you stay anyway?"
Laura sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I really don't like it but I guess 
it's too late to do anything about it now."
"I won't have any more," Crystal assured. "I just needed a little to take the 
edge off, you know?" Holding the deck of cards in her hand, the blonde woman 
shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her lap. "Sometimes things just seem 
more manageable when I've had some pot." She let the cards fall to the bed and 
reached for the glass of whiskey. "It's been a really fucked up day." Crystal 
looked at the bottle sitting on the nightstand. "You really want to know what's 
funny? My asshole father drank the same kind of whiskey." Draining the glass and 
setting it down, Crystal picked up the cards. "Seven, right?"
"Right."
Crystal sighed and dealt the cards. "I remember once I was about nineteen or so. 
I had a really rough day and all I wanted to do was just get drunk and forget 
about it. I went to a liquor store and bought the first thing I knew would get 
me rip-roaring drunk, the same whiskey he drank." Setting the rest of the cards 
in a neat pile between them, she flipped over the first card. "I should have 
been carded but I guess the guy at the liquor store realized that I really 
needed it."
"What you needed was someone who cared about you, not to hide inside a bottle."
"Yeah well I certainly didn't have it then, did I?" Crystal replied bitterly. "I 
think I've done a decent job of taking care of myself all this time. I'm not a 
junkie or locked up in jail somewhere."
"That's very true," Laura said, picking up a card and looking at her hand. "And 
I give you a lot of credit for that. I just wish you wouldn't abuse your body 
with all these drugs and booze. Your turn."
Crystal reached for the whiskey bottle. "What the hell. They abused my body, I 
abuse my body. What's the difference?"
"The difference is you deserve better than that." Laura set her discard down and 
looked at Crystal. "Maybe they couldn't see what a special person you are but I 
can."
"You need to get your vision checked," Crystal said. "I don't have a damn thing 
going for me but my looks and they won't last forever."
"You're selling yourself short."
"Maybe, but I'm not like you. I don't have degrees and a family that cares for 
me or any of that stuff. There's just me and that's not saying a lot."
Laura's grip on her cards tightened at Crystal's words. What is it gong to take 
to get her to see that she's a worthy person? she asked herself. "You have more 
than just yourself. You have me and Jenny and we both care for you."
"You know when I was a little kid, when I believed that prayers and dreams could 
come true if only I wished for them hard enough, I used to dream that someday 
the authorities would come and say that they've made some terrible mistake and 
that Patty and I weren't really Sheridans. That they'd come and take us away to 
our real family, a nice loving family that didn't beat on their kids."
The pain in Crystal's voice tugged on Laura's heartstrings. "You know," the 
writer said, reaching out and putting her hand on Crystal's knee. "Now there's a 
wish that I wished had come true for you."
Crystal set the cards down on the bed and leaned back, lacing her fingers behind 
her hand and resting it on her pillow. "Patty and I used to talk about it. We'd 
take off to the fields and just lay there under the sun talking about what life 
would be like if we lived somewhere else."
"Did you two talk about what you wanted to be when you grew up?" Laura asked, 
putting all the cards into a neat stack, assuming the game was over.
"Oh, all the time." Crystal smiled and stared at the ceiling. "She wanted to be 
a doctor or a lawyer depending on which TV show we watched the night before."
"And you?"
"Me? Oh, I wanted to be many things. I wanted to be a firefighter, a nurse, even 
a private detective. I loved watching Charlie's Angels."
"Sounds like you wanted to help people."
Crystal snorted. "Yeah and all I ended up doing was giving men something to look 
at so they could go home and jerk off." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter 
now. Without a high school diploma I'm only good for manual labor or stripping."
"You know you can get your GED if you try hard enough."
"For what?" Crystal lifted her head from the pillow long enough to look at 
Laura. "Can you see me filing out a job application? Oh where have you worked 
before? Let's see, I worked at the local strip joint taking my clothes off for 
money and before that I worked the alley near Smith's. They'd hire me in a 
minute, right?" Her head flopped back down on the pillow and gave a defeated 
sigh. "Don't you see, Laura? I can't just start over. I can't escape the past."
"Maybe the goal isn't to escape the past but face it and put it where it 
belongs." Kicking off her sneakers, Laura put her feet up on the edge of the 
bed. "Face it, accept it, and move on."
"Easy for you to say."
"Yes it is," Laura admitted. "I've never had to go through the things that you 
have."
Crystal sat up, pressing her back against the headboard, lost in thought. She 
filled her glass with whiskey and drained it before finally speaking. "Jenny 
wants me to talk about it. She says it'll help."
"She's the therapist," Laura said. "I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. 
I know when something is bothering me and I talk about it, it makes me feel 
better."
"Nothing will make this feel better," Crystal disagreed. "There's this pain deep 
inside that never goes away." She reached for the whiskey bottle again. 
"Sometimes it's all I can think about." She took another drink. "How am I 
supposed to talk about it?"
"You're talking now, just keep going."
"I'm not talking about 'it'. I'm just talking about how it feels."
"That's still better than nothing at all." Sensing Crystal was on the edge, 
Laura chose her words carefully. "How do you feel right now?"
"Other than buzzed and drunk?" Crystal smiled and set the bottle down. "How am I 
supposed to feel?"
"I don't care how you're supposed to feel. I care about how you do feel."
"I feel like an old rag doll that's been used and tossed aside." Pulling her 
knees to her chest, Crystal folded her arms and rested her chin on them. For a 
long time neither spoke, both lost in their own thoughts. 
Thinking that perhaps the stone wall had been hit and the conversation was over 
for the night, Laura wrapped the rubber band around the cards and collected the 
paper and pen that she had brought into the room with her. She was about to 
stand up when Crystal began speaking in a halting tone.
"I was fourteen," the blonde began, her eyes never looking up from the 
bedspread. Laura immediately let go of the cards and paper, giving Crystal her 
full attention. "I knew what he had done to Patty but I never thought he would 
actually come after me…"
Lying in bed later that night, Laura found herself unable to sleep. The living 
horror that she had heard relayed from Crystal haunted her mind, refusing to 
give it any peace. She had expected it to be bad based on what Crystal had 
alluded to before after hearing the actual details, Laura found it to be much 
harder to handle. She left the emotionally drained Crystal and returned to her 
own room, fully expecting to be able to just crawl between the sheets and fall 
asleep. Now an hour later, the night shadows on the walls kept her wide open 
eyes company. Reaching in the dark, she found the telephone and pressed in the 
familiar number.
"Hello?" the groggy voice answered.
"Jen? It's Laura."
"What time is it?"
"I don't know. After midnight, I'm sure."
"What's wrong?"
"I just needed to talk. Crystal and I had a long talk tonight."
"How is she?" Jenny's voice was clearer, the thickness caused by sleep quickly 
disappearing.
"Pretty good considering all she's been through." Laura sighed and rested her 
head against the headboard. "I don't know how she managed to survive as long as 
she did. Has she gotten into detail with you about her father?"
"Laur, you know I can't answer that."
"Yeah, I know but I just can't help thinking about it. What a bastard he was. 
Even if half of what she says is true, he was a monster that should have been 
castrated a long time ago."
"We can't talk about Crystal or anything about her life that she tells you, no 
matter how bad it is but I will say this, I have no doubt if she told you 
something about her past that it was most likely true. At least as true as 
memory will allow." Laura heard the sound of Jenny moving about her apartment. 
"By the way," her ex-lover continued. "It's quarter to one."
"I'm sorry about calling so late but I just can't get to sleep. I just keep 
seeing her as a teenager unable to protect herself from him."
"You can't change the past."
"I wish I could," Laura said earnestly. "If I had been there, I would have…"
"You would have been just a few years older than her and in no position to play 
Wonder Woman," Jenny interrupted. "If her own sister couldn't protect her, what 
makes you think you could have?"
"But…"
"But nothing. You can't change what happened to her. All you can do now is help 
her pick up the pieces and heal from it."
"How do you get over something like that? I mean I know people are raped and 
most get past it with time but how can she recover from being attacked night 
after night?"
"Laura, you're getting close to crossing the line here," Jenny warned. "Hell, 
we've probably passed it already. If the state board ever got wind of this…"
"Forget the board for a minute, Jen. This is Crystal we're talking about."
"No, we're not talking about her, we're talking about you and how you're going 
to handle being friends with someone who is a survivor." Jenny sighed. "I'm 
sorry if I sound grouchy but you can't wake me up from a sound sleep and expect 
me to be in the best frame of mind here, especially when you keep wanting to 
push the envelope. Don't you understand if she ever found out we talked about 
this that it could ruin her trust in me?"
"So what am I supposed to do?" Laura asked, running fingers through her hair. 
"All right, look at this way. I have a friend who's been raped. What can I do to 
help her get past it and move on with her life?"
"The best thing you can do is just be there to listen. Don't treat your friend 
any differently than you do today. If she wants to talk let her but don't try to 
force conversations about it."
"And if she wants to destroy herself with drugs and alcohol?" Laura heard yet 
another sigh through the phone. "Come on, Jen. How am I supposed to keep her 
from going off the deep end with the booze and pot?"
"You can't. You just have to make sure you don't get so deeply involved that you 
become an enabler and make the problem worse. Maybe an Al-Anon meeting or two 
would be good for you."
"I need Al-Anon?"
"And why does that thought bother you so much?" Jenny asked. "If someone else's 
drinking is a problem for you, then you need Al-Anon."
"I don't need Al-Anon," Laura said adamantly. "I just wanted to know how to help 
Crystal."
"It's time to say goodnight, Laura," Jenny said. "Your stubborn streak is coming 
out and I'm too tired to fight with you about it. Remember tomorrow that she's 
the same person she was yesterday and the day before. If she doesn't do what you 
want when you want it and it bothers you, that's your problem, not hers. Be her 
friend, that's what she needs, not a superhero to fly in and rescue her. It's 
too late for that."
"Sometimes I wonder which of us is more stubborn," Laura sighed. "All right, all 
right. I'll try to keep what you said in mind but I still think there's 
something more I can do than just sit here and be a sounding board."
"Try being her friend."
"Hey, why did you call before? We were home but we were talking and I didn't 
think it was a good idea to get up and answer the phone."
There was a pause before Jenny answered. "I was concerned and just wanted to see 
if Crystal made it home okay."
"Uh huh. Doing a good job keeping friend and therapist separate, aren't you?"
"Hey, a good therapist can call the home of her patient if she's concerned."
"When was the last time you called a patient's home for anything other than to 
reschedule an appointment?"
"My secretary takes care of the appointments and I'm going to take the fifth on 
the rest of that question. Get some sleep. Goodnight Laura."
"Night Jen. Thanks for listening."
Hanging up the phone, Laura found talking with Jenny did little to slow down her 
racing mind. That doesn't help. There has to be a way to get her past this, 
there just has to. But how? Knowing that sleep was a lost cause, Laura sat up 
and slipped her feet into her slippers. I have to get that frying pan cleaned or 
those onions will be stuck there permanently. Stepping out of her room, Laura 
was torn between going downstairs and cleaning or checking on Crystal. That's 
silly. She's sound asleep and safe. Besides, I don't want to scare her or 
anything. As if it had a mind of its own, Laura's hand reached out and closed 
around the doorknob. I won't go in, I'll just open the door a little and see if 
she's sleeping okay. She could be having a nightmare or something.
The light in the hall provided little illumination in Crystal's room but the 
night light plugged into the wall did give enough for Laura to see that her 
roommate was indeed sound asleep, a light snore coming from her lips. Good. 
Satisfied that everything was all right, Laura made her way downstairs to spend 
the rest of the night cleaning.
Part 9
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L
 
 
With the radio playing low, Laura quietly moved about the first floor, giving it 
a good cleaning right down to moving the table and chairs out of the way to mop 
and dusting all the woodwork. By the time the morning sun broke over the 
horizon, the kitchen and living room were spotless and once again up to Laura's 
standards. Hearing Crystal's alarm going off upstairs, Laura put the frying pan 
on the stove and retrieved a coffee mug from the cupboard. Reasoning that the 
previous day had been hard on her roommate, Laura was determined to at least get 
Crystal's day off to a good start. When the blonde came downstairs several 
minutes later, her hair still damp from the shower, she was greeted with a plate 
of scrambled eggs, toast and a steaming cup of coffee. "I thought you could use 
a good breakfast before your busy day," Laura said as she set the mug down on 
the table.
"Good morning to you too," Crystal said as she took her seat. "What time did you 
get up?"
"Actually I never went to bed. I think the night owl in me is trying to get 
out." Laura picked up her empty mug and walked over to the coffee maker. "I had 
a period once when I was writing my last book where I couldn't sleep at night 
for almost a month. What time do you think you'll be home tonight? I have some 
fresh sea bass I can defrost. Some lemon pepper and rice and it's a meal fit for 
a king."
"My lip looks better," Crystal said quietly. "I have to go to the club after 
work and see what's going on."
"I thought all you had to do was pick up your paycheck?" Laura asked as she took 
her seat at the table.
"I never said I was quitting, just that I would think about it. You know I make 
more an hour working at the club than I do working for Michael." Crystal pushed 
her fork through the scrambled eggs. "Maybe I can work at the club part time and 
keep both jobs."
"Nothing like burning your candle at both ends. Couldn't you find another job at 
the club besides taking your clothes off? Don't they have waitresses?"
"They didn't hire me to wait tables, Laura. My job there is to go out on stage 
and take my clothes off to music."
Laura tried not to let the disappointment show in her face. "I don't think 
working there is a good idea. Look what happened to you. Who knows what could 
happen if you go back."
"Well, I'm not going to know what's going on until I get there. For all I know, 
they replaced me and I don't have a job to go back to."
I can only wish, Laura thought to herself. "I'm sure Michael will give you extra 
hours if you need the money. He's good about things like that."
"I can make in one night of dancing with tips what Michael pays me for three 
days work. That kind of money is hard to pass up." Crystal drained her coffee 
mug. "We'll see what happens."
"What if I lowered your rent?" Laura knew she could never afford to lose the 
extra money that Crystal's rent gave but the idea of the blonde taking her 
clothes off for a bunch of horny men was even harder to swallow.
"No, the rent is more than reasonable. Speaking of which, you need to tell me 
what my half of the utilities are so I can pay you. I'm sure you've gotten some 
bills in." Crystal shoved the last forkful of egg into her mouth. "The best time 
to hit me up for money is tonight after I pick up my check. Wait until tomorrow 
and I might have it spent already."
"Don't worry about it. I don't think your share is more than fifty dollars or 
so."
"Oh please. There's the lights and cable not to mention the phone. I'm sure I've 
made the water bill go up too."
"The complex takes care of the water bills and you never use the phone."
"I'm still responsible for half of the phone bill whether I use it or not," 
Crystal said, putting her fork down and pushing the plate away. "That was very 
good, thanks."
"You're welcome." Laura took a sip of her coffee, trying hard not to bring up 
the subject of the Tom Cat Club again. Finally it was Crystal that could stand 
the silence no longer.
"Look, I know you don't like the idea of me stripping…"
"No I don't," Laura agreed.
"But it's what I did before you met me and most likely it's something that I 
will continue to do. I may not be proud of it, I may not even like it most of 
the time but I can't walk away from the good money it gives."
"There has to be a point where the money isn't enough to keep degrading yourself 
like that."
"Well if there is, I haven't found it yet," Crystal said firmly. "It's legal and 
certainly a damn lot better than working the alley behind the place, that's for 
sure."
"I'll agree with you there," Laura admitted. "Can you at least promise that you 
won't do that, no matter how hard things might seem to be?" This time Laura 
earned at least the hint of smile from Crystal.
"I haven't done that in years and I have no intention of doing it again. Those 
days are behind me."
"And maybe someday stripping will be behind you too."
"Maybe. Right now I have to finish getting ready for work and write in my 
journal before Doc has my head." To Laura's surprise, Crystal reached out and 
clasped her hand. "Listen, about last night…" The hand retreated and the blonde 
looked at her empty plate. "Thanks for listening. I…I've never told anyone all 
of that before."
"Anytime you need to talk, I'll be here."
"I would have thought you'd be shocked and disgusted by all of that."
Laura reached out and cupped Crystal's chin, forcing the blue eyes to meet her 
own. "Yes, most of what you told me was shocking but as for disgust, any that I 
have is toward your father, none of it toward you." She let go of Crystal's 
chin, pleased that the young woman didn't turn away but continued to meet her 
gaze. "It takes a great deal of courage to survive something like that and even 
more to share with someone about what happened."
"I didn't tell you everything, you know. I figured if I told you everything at 
once that you'd go screaming out of the room."
"That'll never happen," Laura assured. "Anything you want to tell me, I'll 
listen."
"You know, sometimes you remind me of Patty. She was really patient with me."
"I'm sure if I met Patty that I'd like her too." Laura looked at her watch. "But 
you're right, you need to get ready if you're going to get to work on time. 
You'd better not have left that bathroom a mess."
"Your definition of a mess and mine are totally different but I made sure the 
towels were picked up and the sink was wiped down."
"Close enough. I'll clean it later." Laura watched Crystal rise to her feet. 
"Can you at least call me and let me know what time you're coming home tonight?"
"Sure." She reached for her plate only to have Laura stop her.
"I'll get them. You go get ready."
*******************
The parking lot of the Tom Cat Club was blissfully empty when Crystal pulled in. 
After a quick check in the rear view mirror to make sure everything was in 
place, she walked over to the side door and pressed the doorbell. With three 
hours before the first show, Crystal was certain she would be able to find Rick 
in his office.
"Crystal!" the burly bouncer said in surprise when he opened the door.
"Hi Randy. Is Rick in?"
"Yeah, he's up by the bar talking to someone. Come on in." The muscle bound man 
stepped aside and waved his hand. "So when are you coming back?"
"I'm not sure. I have to talk to Rick first."
"Well talk nice. He's been a really fucked up mood the last couple of weeks. 
Sara and Monica both quit on him and he just found out today that someone's been 
helping themselves to the liquor. We're about ten cases short."
"Oh great," she moaned. Rick was hard enough to deal with when things were going 
well. When they weren't, he could be almost impossible to reason with.
"Just use your charm," Randy said. "After the week he's been having, seeing you 
will brighten up his day."
"We'll see about that," Crystal said nervously as she headed down the hallway.
Rick wasn't at the bar but rather in his office by the time Crystal found him. 
His door was slightly ajar, allowing her to see him pouring over the club's 
ledgers. Well here goes nothing. "Rick?" she called, knocking lightly on the 
open door.
"Crystal, what a pleasant surprise," he said, pointing toward a chair. "Come in 
and have a seat. I was hoping you'd stop by. I paged you a couple of time but 
you never returned my call. I was beginning to think we'd never see you again."
"I told you I'd be back after my lip healed," she said as she took a seat.
"Well you look great. Maybe put on a pound or two but you can take that off with 
no problem, I'm sure. After all, can't hide anything in a G-string, can you?"
"Um, no I guess not. Rick, about coming back to work…"
"Oh man, you have no idea how hard it's been lately," he continued, pulling a 
cigarette out of his pack and lighting it. "First Sara says her boyfriend won't 
let her work anymore and then Monica goes and has one of her little fits and 
quits on me. I'm telling you, you are a gift from heaven walking in that door."
Oh great. Lay it on, Rick. Deciding that if she let Rick keep on talking he'd 
have her on stage in ten minutes, Crystal took a deep breath and played the 
carefully rehearsed lines in her mind one more time.
"It's kinda late notice but I think I can get you in tonight for a set or two."
"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Well what? You did come to tell me you were ready to come back to work, didn't 
you?" The joviality he showed when she first stepped into his office was quickly 
disappearing.
"I'm not sure I want to do the shows anymore."
"Not sure? What the hell are you talking about?" Rick leaned forward, making the 
large desk separating them seem smaller and smaller. "What else are you going to 
do?"
"What about waitressing? Or even helping behind the bar?"
"Men don't pay good money to see your ass sitting behind the bar, they pay it to 
see you up on stage taking it off for them."
"Well maybe I'm tired of taking it off for them, maybe I want to do something 
else."
"Crystal Crystal Crystal," he said in the most condescending tone she had ever 
heard. "Look, if you're trying to hustle me for more money it isn't going to 
work."
"It isn't about the money."
"Well what is it about then?" the manager asked angrily. "I don't need another 
waitress or bartender. What I need and what I hired you for is to put your ass 
up on stage and wiggle that fanny for whoever is holding the almighty dollar, 
you got that?"
"Yeah I got it, Rick," she replied just as angrily. "You know you're not the one 
up there. You don't have to put up with those greaseballs trying to touch your 
body. I'm sick of it."
"So why the fuck are you here, huh? You find yourself a new boyfriend or 
something and he's putting you up to this?" Rick smiled, thinking he had figured 
out the problem. "I'll tell you what. You can tell your boyfriend you're 
waitressing if that makes you feel better."
"I don't have a boyfriend. That's not why I'm doing this," Crystal insisted, 
lighting a cigarette. "I'm just tired of stripping."
Rick let out a long breath and leaned back in his chair. "When you first came 
here, you didn't have a dime to your name. I don't think you even had a car 
then." He shook his head. "I don't know. I'm just trying to help you here. 
You're lucky to have a job like this. You know how many women would love to have 
a chance to be the star of the show?" With a heavy sigh, Rick opened his desk 
drawer and pulled out a manila folder. "I was going to save this for later but 
since you leave me no other choice…remember I told you I wanted to talk to you 
after the show that night?"
"Yeah?"
"I was going to offer you a chance to make some real money. Not the ones and 
fives you get here but twenties and fifties."
There's only one way to make that kind of money, Crystal thought to herself.
"I'm not planning on working here forever, answering to some corporate head in 
New York. I have this side business going and I was planning on giving you a 
chance to make some serious cash with it."
"Rick, you know I don't…"
"Relax, babe. I'm talking about a few private parties, not standing out on the 
corner. And hey, if you want to make a few extra bucks that I don't know about, 
fine by me so long as the customer is satisfied."
The walls began to close in and Crystal quickly turned her head to see the door 
still ajar. Knowing that escape was easy, she forced herself to stay in her 
seat. "I can't do that Rick. You know how those kind of things turn out and I 
won't turn tricks for you."
"Babe, we're not talking about turning tricks, just a few private parties. 
You're blowing this all out of proportion." He put the folder back in his desk. 
"But if you want to waste the rest of your life working the club, go ahead. Six 
months from now I'll be able to quit this place and be a self made man. If you 
want to jump on the bandwagon you're welcome to but don't think for a minute 
that you're going to do anything here but be a kitten on stage." Rick stood up, 
his six foot frame towering over her seated position. "So it seems you have a 
choice to make sweetheart. Get your ass in costume and get to work or hit the 
streets. The choice is yours."
Now the office was definitely too small for her comfort. Crystal had hoped to 
come back part time if she couldn't get a job off stage but Rick made it clear 
that was not an option. She also knew that if she came back to work that Rick 
would never leave her alone until she was working his private parties, 
entertaining visiting businessmen in the horizontal fashion. Well Laura, I guess 
you got your wish. "If I can have my last paycheck I'll get out of here."
"Should have known you'd make the stupid choice," Rick said, walking over to the 
file cabinet. "You aren't going to find anyone who'll pay you what I was paying 
you to shake those tits around. I can't believe you're giving up this chance." 
He removed an envelope from the file cabinet and threw it on the desk. "Don't 
even think of trying to file for unemployment."
"Don't worry, I wasn't planning on it." Crystal rose to her feet and picked up 
the envelope containing her last paycheck. As she turned around, she found 
herself face to chest with the intimidating club manager.
"You know out of all the girls I've seen come in and out of this place you were 
the one I could have made something out of but you always thought you were too 
good, didn't you? Look but don't touch Crystal, right?" He stepped closer, 
forcing her to step back until she felt the unyielding hardness of the wooden 
desk behind her. "Someone should have taken you over their knee long ago and 
taught you some manners."
"Let me go, Rick," she said, trying to step to the side. The angry man quickly 
moved to cut off her escape.
"Maybe you just never had a man to teach you how to behave, is that it?"
"Rick, please, just let me leave." Crystal's heart pounded furiously in her 
chest.
"Hey Rick." Randy pushed the door fully open. "The delivery guy is demanding 
payment before he unloads. Something about our bill being too high. Sorry, 
didn't know you were busy."
"I was just leaving," Crystal said, moving past Rick and practically shoving 
Randy out of the way in her haste to escape. She felt a sense of relief when she 
reached the long hallway that led to the side door. Does he think I'm stupid or 
something? No way in hell I'm going to work for him anymore. I was stupid to 
think he'd to anything to try and help me. She pressed down on the crash bar and 
was greeted by the stark gray of the parking lot. Reaching her car, Crystal 
found her hands were shaking as she tried to get the key into the lock. It 
didn't help that she kept looking back at the door fearing Rick would come 
bursting forth. By the time she was inside her car, Crystal found tears she 
couldn't explain running down her cheeks. I have to get away from here. I have 
to get home. Not bothering to wipe her eyes, Crystal put the car in gear and 
sped out of the parking lot.
*****************
The townhouse was dark when Crystal arrived home, save for the single bulb 
illuminating the front door. A quick look around showed no sign of Laura's Jeep. 
Wonder where she went, Crystal thought as she made her way up the short walk to 
the door.
Tossing her keys on the table, Crystal walked into the kitchen, feeling around 
in the dark for the light switch. Looking at the door of the refrigerator, she 
frowned to see no note waiting for her. "She'll probably be back in a minute," 
she said to the empty room. What did she say she wanted for dinner? Some kind of 
fish. Wrinkling her nose at the thought, Crystal opened the freezer and pulled 
out a frozen pizza. What the hell, at least it's edible. A few minutes later the 
pizza was in the oven and Crystal was sprawled out on the couch. With the 
television remote in her hand, she began flicking through the channels. Boring, 
crap, boring, oh God not the Waltons. No, no, naw, Oh please that is so fake. 
Who the hell is going to believe two guys can beat the hell out each other like 
that and still be standing? Sixty channels and there's nothing on. Settling on a 
game show, she tossed the remote on the coffee table and looked at her watch. 
Where the hell are you? I thought you were going to be home tonight.
Two hours later the pizza was long gone and Crystal found herself sitting in the 
quiet living room staring at the clock on the wall. The television had been shut 
off in favor of the radio which proved to be no more entertaining and it also 
found itself shut off. Come on Laura, where are you? Her question was answered 
when she heard the sound of a key being put into the lock on the front door. 
Crystal jumped to her feet and opened the door. "Where the hell have you been?" 
she demanded.
"Hi there. I didn't expect you to be home yet," Laura said, her arms full of 
white plastic grocery bags. "I figured I'd get some shopping in. We're almost 
out of everything."
Crystal followed her roommate into the kitchen. "How long can that take? I've 
been home since seven."
Laura set the bags down on the counter and began putting the groceries away in 
the cupboard. "I go over to the super center near the interstate. They have the 
best prices but it usually is a mob scene there. Took me almost half an hour 
just to get through the checkout line." Laura peered into the bag. "I hope you 
like oranges. They were on sale so I picked up two bags "
"Forget the oranges for a minute," Crystal said. "You couldn't have left me a 
note? I had no idea where you were." Taking the jar of olives, she opened the 
refrigerator and carelessly tossed them on the shelf. "You bitch at me to make 
sure and let you know when I'm not coming home but you couldn't take two seconds 
to leave me a note?"
"I'm sorry but I didn't think you'd be home until later. You said you were going 
to the Tom Cat Club and I figured when you weren't home by six that you wouldn't 
be in until later," Laura said, neatly folding the empty grocery bags.
"Yeah well I've been here staring at the walls for the last two hours wondering 
where the hell you were. Give me those." Taking the bags of oranges, she walked 
back over to the fridge. "You'll be happy to know I'm not working at the Tom Cat 
anymore," she said, shoving the oranges into the bottom drawers.
"Yes, I am happy to hear that and easy on those. I wanted oranges, not orange 
juice."
"I had a rotten day at work and if one more moron insists on playing that damn 
rap shit I'm going to shove that frigging boom box down his throat. Then I go 
see Rick and he's his usual conniving asshole self then I get home and you're 
nowhere in sight." She jerked the pound of butter out of Laura's hand. To 
Crystal's annoyance, her roommate was smirking. "What the hell's so funny?"
"It's nice to know you care," Laura said, handing over the bottle of milk. "Did 
you eat?"
"I made a pizza but it tasted more like the box it came in. What about you?"
"Not yet. It's too late now. I'll just grab a snack."
"I thought you were going to make fish and rice or something like that."
"Sea bass and rice. I'll make it tomorrow night. The fish will keep." Laura 
handed over the last of the groceries and put the bags away. "So tell me what 
happened at the Tom Cat."
"Oh Rick was just being a jerk. Screw it. I hated working for him anyway. He's 
too sleazy." Crystal put the can of soup into the cupboard before heading for 
the sliding glass door. "I'm going out for a smoke."
Fall was definitely on its way. The temperature was dropping quickly, making the 
usually balmy evenings just a memory. A particularly cold burst of wind caused 
Crystal to shiver and she had to cup her hand in front of the lighter to keep 
the flame from going out before the cigarette was lit. I'll be damned if I'm 
coming out here in the winter. Guess I'll have to go up to my room if I want a 
smoke from now on. Ah fuck what a day. Slumping into the plastic patio chair, 
she casually tossed her feet up on the railing, crossing her ankles and leaning 
back so only two of the four chair legs were touching the deck. It was too dark 
to see anything except dark shadows cast by the light from the kitchen. Crystal 
took advantage of the darkness to brood over the day's events. Tomorrow we'll 
finish the seventh floor then I don't know what Michael will have me do. Shit, 
what if he doesn't come with something else? Naw, he's got to. He knows I need 
the job and he always smiles at me when he sees me. He'll find something else 
for me to do. Turning her head at the sound of the door sliding open, Crystal 
watched Laura step out onto the deck.
"Care for some company?" Laura sat down without waiting for an answer. "Are you 
sure you don't want something else to eat?"
"Naw, I'm all set. Not really hungry anyway." Crystal reached up with her free 
hand and rubbed her upper arm. "Damn it's getting cold out here."
"That's what happens when you live in the northeast. Summer leaves, Fall arrives 
and before you know it you're up to your hips in snow."
"Oh don't mention snow. That's the last thing I want to think about. That rust 
bucket of mine gives out practically nothing in the way of heat. I can let that 
thing warm up for half an hour in the morning and it wouldn't clear the whole 
windshield." Crystal reached out in the dark, feeling for the ashtray she knew 
was on the table. "Guess I can't ask for much for five hundred dollars. I'm 
lucky it moves at all."
"Jenny bought that Thing for five hundred too," Laura said. "It was her project 
for about a year. Every warm day she was out there playing Miss Mechanic. I can 
think of a dozen cars more interesting to restore than that orange monstrosity."
"I take it you don't like the square pumpkin on wheels?"
"It's more than just the car. I've gotten used to it by now but when she first 
got it we were having problems and Jenny using the kitchen sink as a place to 
clean her engine parts and tools didn't help the situation."
"So are you ever gonna tell me what happened between you two or is that going to 
stay some deep dark secret?" Crystal asked, withdrawing her feet from the 
railing and sitting up in her seat. Her curiosity was piqued and since Laura 
mentioned it she wasn't about to let the subject drop without trying.
"It certainly isn't a secret but it's also not something I like to talk about," 
Laura said. "Are you done with that cigarette? I'd rather talk inside where it's 
nice and warm."
After taking a quick detour to the bathroom, Laura and Crystal settled at 
opposite ends of the couch, both using the armrest as a backrest. "All right, so 
what happened?" Crystal urged.
"Well…" Laura rubbed her face with her hands, taking a few extra seconds to 
focus her thoughts. "You have to understand that this happened about four and 
half years ago. It was for both of us our first serious long term relationship 
and I thought we'd be together forever no matter what. I had just released my 
third book and it was doing well in the lesbian circles. I even had a few write 
ups in the major lesbian magazines. I was getting a fair share of fan mail and I 
let my newfound fame get in the way of my relationship. The breakup was 
completely my fault." Laura looked away.
"What did you do? Doc seems like she'd forgive just about anything."
"Jenny is a very forgiving and understanding woman but she couldn't take having 
her trust violated the way I did it." Laura looked up at Crystal. "This isn't 
something that's easy for me to talk about. I loved Jenny very much and I still 
do. If I could go back and change what happened I would in a heartbeat." Laura 
face mirrored the guilt she felt in her heart. "But time isn't something I have 
any ability to change and once a trust is ruined it can't be restored."
"I don't get it," Crystal said. "You and Jenny both seem to be these 'deep in 
touch with your feelings' kinda people. You two couldn't have worked whatever it 
was out?"
"Apparently not," the writer said sadly. "We tried for about six months but we 
just couldn't get past it. Jenny waited until after Christmas to finally make 
her decision and move out." Laura shook her head sadly. "It was pretty much over 
by then anyway. Jenny was sleeping in the spare room by then anyway."
"Jeez, I guess you did piss her off."
"Infidelity will do that," Laura said. "I had a brief affair with a fan while I 
was in Colorado at a lesbian writer's festival."
"And you didn't think Doc would find out?"
"I didn't plan on it to happen. Well, I guess deep inside maybe I did. I knew 
Lisa was interested in me she had made it clear to me more than once that she 
didn't care I had a lover. I knew she was going to be there and I didn't say a 
word to Jenny about it."
"So when the cat's away the mice will play?"
"It wasn't like that," Laura protested. "I had plenty of opportunities before 
that to be with other women and I never ever took them up on the offer." The 
writer leaned back and ran her fingers through her dark hair. "This is going to 
sound so shallow but I let myself become attracted to all the attention and 
fawning Lisa was giving me. I worked for a year and a half on Moonbeam Mysteries 
and now I was getting my due for all that hard work. I was on the recommended 
lists and when I was at that conference I felt like a celebrity. That had never 
happened to me before. From the moment I walked into the hotel Lisa was by my 
side, getting me drinks, sitting next to me in every workshop, following me 
around like a puppy."
"Sounds more like a fox than a puppy," Crystal said. "So she wanted the great 
writer and she got you, hmm?"
"I didn't just open the door to my hotel room and rip all her clothes off. We 
were there for five days and it didn't happen until the last night."
"So how did Doc find out? Your guilty conscience?"
"No. That's probably what hurt her the most. She found out by accident. After I 
got home from the conference, Lisa wouldn't stop emailing me. I told her that it 
was a one time thing and couldn't happen again, that I was in love with Jenny, 
all of that. Sometimes I'd have four or more pieces of email from her a day. I 
finally stopped answering them hoping she'd get the message."
"And she didn't, right?"
"Oh, she got it all right. Lisa became angry when I wouldn't answer her emails 
and began calling here. I even called the phone company to change my number but 
before they could get it done Lisa had called while I was out and left a rather 
detailed message on the answering machine about what happened in Colorado. Jenny 
got home before I did."
"Oh boy," Crystal said, shaking her head. "You fucked up good, didn't you?"
"I most certainly did although I wouldn't use quite the same words to describe 
it."
"Of course not, Mary Poppins but that's what you did."
"Yeah it is. I messed things up horribly. I should have known something was up 
when I came home and all Jenny wanted to talk about was the conference. It was 
at least a month later and I never made the connection."
"So you pretended nothing had happened, right?"
"Exactly. Then Jenny played the message on the machine and I just about died. 
After lying to her there was no way I could minimize the damage that message 
caused. I think after that Jenny spent all her free time working on that Thing 
and I spent my time hiding up in the bedroom writing. We grew apart and it got 
to where we wouldn't even go to bed at the same time anymore." Laura looked away 
sadly and wiped her eyes. "But the night Jenny slept in the spare room instead 
of coming to bed with me, that was when I knew it was over."
"That really sucks," Crystal said quietly. "I don't know what to say."
"I've never really talked about it. Peter and Michael knew we were having 
problems but they made it a point not to take sides or get involved. Even now 
Peter knows only the barest details about what happened." Laura shook her head. 
"But I guess it's all water under the bridge now. I live here and Jenny lives 
there. I suppose it all worked out for the best anyway. We're still very close 
as you can tell."
"Do you want her back?" Crystal asked, needing to satisfy her curiosity.
"I tried for quite a while after she moved out but now I think things are best 
the way they are. I think being single suits me." The dark haired writer leaned 
back, sinking further into the overstuffed couch cushions. "At least that's what 
my track record tells me."
"Yeah, I don't see any great romances in my future either," Crystal lamented. 
"You remember those colored cubes back when we were kids? The ones with 
different colors on each side and you had to get all the same colors on the same 
side?"
"A Rubik's Cube," Laura said. "Yes, I remember them."
"Sometimes I feel like one. Like I'm all mixed up and I'll never get everything 
back in order again." A mischievous grin came to her lips. "I used to break it 
apart and put the pieces back in the right way."
"I bought the book on how to solve them," Laura admitted. "I hated not being 
able to solve them."
"I bet you showed off to all your friends about it too, didn't you?"
"Me?" Laura feigned an innocent look. "I have no deep inner need for approval." 
The innocent face lasted for barely a second more before she broke into a smile. 
"Everyone who had one they couldn't solve knew to bring it to me. I could do 
those and the snake ones too."
"Figures. My friends came to me for cigarettes," Crystal said proudly. "Patty 
showed me how to get them. The bowling alley had a cigarette machine in the same 
room as the video games. I'd buy a pack for three bucks and charge my friends 
twenty-five cents per cigarette. That's how Patty and I had any spending money."
"Ah, you were the kind of girl my mother warned me not to hang around with," 
Laura said with a smile. "She thought keeping me away from the bad element would 
make me grow up to be a prim and proper military wife like her. Her best chance 
at grandchildren and I turn out to be a lesbian mystery writer with no 
intentions of parenthood."
"I'm sure the scrapbooks just open right up at our mother's places, eh?" Crystal 
said with a wry smile. She sat up straight and pantomimed opening a scrapbook. 
"Here's your mother showing off pictures of you graduating high school." The 
blonde pretended to turn the page. "Here you are graduating college. Oh what a 
catch. Brains and beauty. I bet she was thinking about your wedding as the next 
pages."
"Right down to the color of garter belt and order of songs," Laura agreed, 
assuming the same position and opening an imaginary scrapbook of her own. "She 
had it all planned for years. The only thing missing was the dashing young 
military boy to marry me off to. The best she could look forward to was a 
blessing ceremony Jenny and I had here in the back yard and I think she was 
madder that I didn't let her plan it than who I was committing myself to. She 
came to it but didn't take any pictures. Must have complained to me six times 
about the centerpieces not being symmetrical."
"Yeah, isn't it horrible how we manage to disappoint our mothers so much?" 
Crystal asked, turning the fake page. "Mine didn't even get a high school 
graduate. I can just imagine what she'd put in hers." Crystal shifted slightly 
and pretended to be her own mother opening a scrapbook. "Oh look, here's my 
Patty and Crystal with the police officer right after they were caught taking 
candy bars from Coulson's drug store. Oh, and here's my little angels with 
another nice police officer after they were banned from the mall for 
shoplifting."
"At least you were consistent," Laura joked.
"Yeah, she probably figured we'd be in jail by the time we were adults," Crystal 
said with a touch of bitterness in her voice. "Jail or shacked up with some 
useless drunk and a couple of kids like her."
"That's the wonderful thing about being an adult," Laura said gently. "We don't 
have to live up, or live down as the case may be, to our parent's expectations. 
Like it or not, we all disappoint our mothers at some point or another. Look at 
me, I may not be in quite the same position as you but I'm certainly not the 
devoted military wife that my mother thought I'd be. You think she proudly touts 
me to all her friends?" She shook her head. "Trust me, Mom talks about Bobby 
graduating and which college he's off to but she tries her damnedest not mention 
me to her friends."
"Why? I mean, you have your degree and all. You're a writer and all that."
"A lesbian mystery writer," Laura clarified. "If she mentions that I'm a writer, 
they want to go buy the book and that's the last thing she wants to happen. You 
have to remember my parents are republicans. They're still not thrilled with the 
don't ask, don't tell rule."
"But I saw her here that day. She seemed happy with you."
"Oh she is for the most part," Laura said. "There's just certain things about my 
life that she doesn't like, my sexuality being number one of course. But it's 
not just that. Mom likes theater, I don't. She likes long boring trips to 
museums and art galleries. I'd rather go bowling or play softball. I'm not the 
daughter she imagined I would be and that's not always the easiest thing for a 
parent to handle. There was a time when she would find excuses not to stop over 
when Jenny and I were together but that was a long time ago. She's gotten past 
that and accepted me as I am, differences and all."
"Must be nice," Crystal said, shifting back into a more comfortable position on 
the couch. "I don't think my mother could ever accept me." Running her fingers 
through her blonde hair quickly, she added. "You know something? It's nice to 
know your life isn't perfect either."
Laura laughed. "Far from it, Crystal. I have problems just like you do, it's 
just that I have a different set. We're not so different."
"Like night and day you neat freak."
"You might be right about that, chimney stack," the writer teased back. "But I 
think I'll keep you around anyway." The comment earned Laura a rare full smile 
from her roommate. "Now there's something I like to see."
"Yeah well don't get used to it," Crystal growled playfully. "I wouldn't want it 
to get around and ruin my reputation."
Laura picked the remote up from coffee table and turned the television on. "I 
think there's a basketball game on tonight. You like women's college 
basketball?"
"I don't follow it or anything but if I see it on I might watch it once in a 
while," Crystal said, watching the channels flick by as Laura repeatedly pressed 
the button. When the dizzying pictures stopped, it was on the game. "I'm going 
to get something to drink. You want anything?" Laura asked as she got up.
"Beer but I think I'm out. You got any cola?"
"Just bought some. You want it straight or with that rotgut you drink?"
Crystal hopped off the couch and headed for the stairs. "I like my drinks with a 
little kick in them," she said. "Just get the glass, I'll take care of mixing 
it."
While Crystal was upstairs, Laura went to the kitchen. How much can she drink at 
this hour? Not more than a couple, I'm sure. She has to work in the morning. 
Humming a familiar tune to herself, Laura opened the cupboard and removed two 
glasses. So you were worried about me, hmm? I bet that's something you haven't 
done in a while. Laura was certain the walls Crystal had put up were quickly 
crumbling. While she hasn't meant to reveal the reason behind her breakup with 
Jenny, Laura realized it was important for her to be able to reveal her secrets 
to Crystal if she wanted her roommate to continue to share personal things. A 
brightly colored glass almost completely hidden in the back of the cupboard 
caught her attention. I forgot all about this one, she thought as she pulled it 
out and looked at it. Perfect. This has to make her smile. Putting away the 
glass she originally chose for Crystal, Laura filled both with ice and was just 
opening the soda when her roommate came down the stairs.
"Sorry, took me a minute to find it," the blonde said, walking into the kitchen 
and unscrewing the top of her bottle. The distinct scent that followed her told 
Laura the real reason she took so long.
"No problem. I'm surprised you can find anything in that disaster area." Had to 
take a couple of hits while you were up there, didn't you? One of these days 
you'll see you don't need that to protect yourself. I won't hurt you. "So what 
kind of a drink is this one going to be? A little taste of the grain or is this 
a killer knock you under the table drink?"
Crystal laughed and began pouring the whiskey into the glass. "This is an 
average end of the day, sit back and relax drink."
"Oh, three parts whiskey, one part soda?"
"Don't forget about the ice, that has to count too," Crystal said.
"Yes, you're right. Three parts whiskey, one part soda, one part ice. Better?"
"Now you've got it." In reality Crystal only poured the equivalent of one shot 
of liquor into her drink, barely lightening the dark color formed by the cola. 
Laura wondered if the drink would have been stronger had she not teased Crystal 
about it but decided it didn't matter. They were going to relax on the couch and 
watch an exciting game of basketball together.
"Cute glass."
"You like?"
"It's nice." Crystal held up the yellow glass and looked at the brightly colored 
words proclaiming that she should smile because someone loves her. "Corny but 
nice."
"Well, it's true," Laura said, taking the soda bottle from her. "Whether you 
like it or not, people do love and care about you."
"Uh huh," Crystal said dubiously, picking up Laura's glass. "I'll take these out 
there."
"Make sure you use a coaster."
Crystal feigned shock. "I wouldn't dream of doing anything else," she said.
"Sure, I believe that," Laura said. "I believe that as much as I believe you 
have some prime swampland in Florida for sale."
"Cheap too," Crystal replied. "I'll make you an offer you can't refuse."
An hour later the two empty glasses sat on coasters on the coffee table, the ice 
having long since melted away. The score was lopsided, the visitors taking 
advantage of the home team's bad luck when their leading scorer fouled out early 
in the game. Laura found her attention often wandering away from the television 
to a more interesting subject. Crystal's hair was in need of a visit from a 
brush, the blonde locks going in all different directions. Laura's gaze moved 
down, studying the delicate curve of Crystal's nose and the soft full lips. 
There was no doubt that her roommate was beautiful but Laura found herself 
looking at Crystal in a different light than she had before. Stop that, Laura, 
she admonished herself. She's straight and you're not interested. Too much 
baggage, remember? At that moment the buzzer sounded and the television station 
broke to a commercial. Out of the corner of her eye Laura noticed it was a 
public service announcement about helping to prevent child abuse. Crystal's eyes 
never left the screen but even in profile her face told volumes about her 
feelings. Laura watched as Crystal's jaw clenched and her lips were drawn to a 
thin line. Still trying to protect that little girl inside, aren't you? The urge 
to reach over and hug Crystal grew but the writer remained steadfast in her 
seat. That's the surest way to send her running upstairs. She'd probably think I 
was hitting on her. As the commercial ended and the game resumed, Laura noticed 
happily that the sad look on Crystal's face disappeared. That's right, you just 
forget all about that and enjoy the game. "That Henderson girl is something, 
isn't she?" Laura asked.
"She can play basketball, that's for sure," Crystal replied. "I can't believe 
she made that one shot."
"The one where it kinda wobbled there on the hoop for a few seconds before it 
went in?"
"Yeah."
"That was a good shot," Laura agreed. "She was back past the half court mark 
when she threw that one."
"They're not going to win at this point. There's only two minutes left in the 
game."
"You're right. I'm sure Peter will be disappointed. He always has some money 
down on them." Laura leaned forward and picked up the remote. "So what do you 
want to do now? I think there's a late movie on ten."
"I have to get to bed," Crystal said before giving a long yawn. "Hopefully 
Michael has something else for me to do. We're almost done with the demolition."
"I'm sure he does," Laura said, pressing the red button and shutting off the 
television. "I didn't realize how late it was. You're going to be dragging 
tomorrow."
"Naw, I'm used to being up late and having to work without a lot of sleep." 
Crystal stood up and gave a cat like stretch, drawing her hands high above her 
head. "Are you going to bed?"
"I don't have to be up early. No, I'll probably turn the computer on and get 
back to work on my never ending story." Laura stood up as well and walked over 
to the light switch. "I need to do some research online for the next part."
"You think tomorrow you can show me that GED site you mentioned?"
"Sure. I'll find it tonight and bookmark it so we'll have it right there for 
you."
"You'll do what to it?" Crystal shook her head. "Never mind. It must be 
computerese or something."
Laura flipped two switches, shutting off the living room lights and turning on 
the ones over the stairs. "One of these days I'll get you so you're not afraid 
of computers."
"Yeah right," Crystal said dubiously. "Right after I win the lottery."
Laura started up the stairs behind her. "I hear that works better if you buy a 
ticket once in a while." When they reached the upper landing she reached out and 
touched Crystal's arm. "Wait a minute." Laura finished climbing the stairs and 
stood face to face with her roommate. "I just wanted to say good night," she 
began, pausing to choose her words. "You know if ever you want to hang out and 
watch TV with me, you're more than welcome."
"Thanks." Crystal looked away uncomfortably, then looked back. "I don't want 
to…"
"Don't worry about it," Laura said, cutting off the younger woman. "You're good 
company and we had a nice chat." She seriously doubted Crystal ever had a close 
friend she could relax and just talk about everything and nothing to. Probably 
no one since her sister, Laura mused. "I'll find that GED site and we'll look at 
it together tomorrow night." She gave Crystal's arm a friendly squeeze. "Don't 
you worry. We'll get you through it with flying colors, I promise. I used to 
tutor my friends when I was in school and I helped them all raise their grades." 
Not releasing her hold on Crystal's arm, Laura stepped forward until they were 
only inches apart. "How do you feel about a hug goodnight?" Sensing Crystal's 
ambivalence, Laura took the initiative and wrapped her arms around the younger 
woman. Unlike the first time they had hugged, this time Laura was aware of the 
feminine body pressed against her own. Crystal was warm and soft, her shirt 
smelling faintly of sweat and cigarettes. "Sweet dreams," she whispered softly, 
smiling when she felt Crystal's arms go around her to return the embrace. See? 
It's okay to let someone in, Laura thought, giving one last squeeze before 
stepping back. "Sleep well."
"You too," Crystal said, reaching for her door handle. "Don't stay up too late."
"I won't," Laura promised. "I just have a few things to care of and then it's 
off to bed for me."
The 'few things' turned out to be not only finding the GED site but printing out 
all the different practice tests on each subject. While waiting for each page to 
print, Laura looked over the different questions. Oh that's easy. Everyone knows 
a triangle with all equal sides is an equilateral. This will be easy for her. 
Another test came out of the printer. Ugh. I forgot about history. I never could 
get those dates straight. She looked at the printed list of dates the exams 
would be given locally and felt certain that Crystal would be able to pass the 
test by the Spring. Hmm, six months to learn three plus years of high school 
stuff? Maybe by summer. The printer made one last pass before a beep announced 
that the print job was finished and the last page fell into the tray. Laura 
picked up her empty cup and stared at it as if that would make it suddenly fill 
with tea. Oh well, it's too late to bother making any more, she thought, setting 
the cup down and looking at the screen. Okay Laura, you've spent the last two 
hours printing out just about everything there could possibly be on this site. 
She looked at the nearly half a ream of paper neatly stacked next to the 
printer. Better not show Crystal that whole stack at once or she'll go screaming 
the other way. Heck, if I saw a stack like that of stuff to study I'd run the 
other way too. She absently clicked on the search icon, bringing up her favorite 
search engine. There was another matter involving her roommate that might be 
solved via the internet and despite the late hour Laura felt compelled to 
research it.
"Come on, let's see just how much information is out there," she said as she 
typed the words Finding Missing Persons and clicked the send button.
Part 10
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L

*****************
"Good to see you," Jenny said as she held the door open. Crystal stepped through 
and into the therapist's office.
"How ya doing, Doc?" she asked, heading for the recliner.
"I'm well, Crystal. You seemed to be enjoying yourself at the game Saturday. 
Where do you want me to sit?"
"Uh," Crystal looked at the couch, then at the bean bags. "I dunno." Shrugging 
her shoulders, she looked at the therapist. "Wherever you want, I guess."
"You don't like to make decisions, do you?"
Crystal watched Jenny take a seat on the couch, the ever present clipboard on 
her lap. "So what are we gonna talk about today?"
"Is there something you feel the need to talk about?" Jenny asked. "You said 
last week you weren't sure what you were going to do about your job at the strip 
club. Have you made your decision?"
A smirk came to Crystal's face. "Oh yeah," she said. "I'm not there anymore and 
Michael showed me how to screw drywall into place and he told me he'd show me 
how to use a paint sprayer when it came time."
"Sounds like he has confidence in your ability to adapt to change and learn new 
things." The knowing smile on Jenny's face caused Crystal to frown. She hated 
that look because she knew what it meant.
"I dunno. I guess."
"That's what it looks like to me. You're very good at adapting, aren't you?"
"So you tell me, Doc," Crystal answered in a bored tone. She looked down at her 
fingernails. "I need the job so I learn how to do things. It's not a big deal." 
Feeling stiff, Crystal moved out of the chair and flopped down on the floor, her 
back pressed up against the red beanbag. "I do what I have to."
"It's one of your survival skills," Jenny pointed out, moving forward until she 
was barely on the edge of the edge of the couch. "You've learned to adapt to 
what's going on around you."
"Yeah, whatever," Crystal said, staring up at the ceiling. "I did what I had to 
do in order to get by. This time it's something useful. I can always put down on 
a job application that I know how to handle a screw gun. That'd look a lot 
better than saying I'm a stripper."
"That is true but you have gained skills from all your experiences, good and 
bad."
"It all goes back to that, doesn't it Doc?" Come on, give me a break. Crystal 
allowed her eyes to follow the jagged pattern of the acoustical tiles. 
"Everything we talk about goes back to my rotten childhood and the shit that 
happened to me."
"I didn't say anything about your childhood this time," Jenny pointed out. "You 
know what tells me? It tells me something is on your mind."
"I dunno."
"I told you no excuses, no bullshit in here." Setting the clipboard on the 
couch, the therapist pulled the blue beanbag over and settled herself on it. 
"You can stare at the ceiling all night if you want to."
Great, Crystal thought to herself. You're a real pain in the ass, Doc. Fine. "I 
told Laura." She knew Jenny was waiting for elaboration. "I…I told her what 
happened when I was a kid."
"And how did telling her make you feel?"
Crystal didn't have to turn her head to feel the therapist's eyes upon her. She 
continued to stare at the ceiling. Shrugging her shoulders, she used her 
familiar defense. "I dunno."
"I dunno is not an answer. Try again. When you first began to tell her, how did 
you feel?"
"Nervous," Crystal admitted, shifting her position to put her hands behind her 
head. "When I started, I was worried she'd freak out and not want to talk to me 
anymore or something."
"And when you realized that wouldn't happen?"
Crystal swallowed, wishing now she had made herself something to drink when she 
arrived. "It felt…I dunno, good I guess. She didn't look at me weird or 
anything. I don't think she did anyway. I didn't really look at her too much 
when I was talking." She looked over at Jenny, thinking back to what Laura had 
told her about their breakup. "She talked to me too about things." Crystal 
paused. "I guess that made me feel good too."
"How did it make you feel to share your story?"
Crystal looked at the ceiling again. "It was scary at first. My heart kept 
pounding, like I was worried he'd come in and catch me talking about it or 
something." Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly and gathered her 
thoughts. "She just let me keep talking and talking, no matter how stupid I 
sounded. You know what the best part was?"
"What?"
"She believed me." Crystal shifted again, leaning her elbow on the beanbag and 
looking at Jenny. "No matter what I told her or how I said it, Laura believed 
me."
"You will find as you fill your life with healthy people there will be people 
you can trust. Friends who will believe anything you tell them and won't judge 
you. Those are the ones you need in your life. Not the toxic people."
"You mean my old friends."
"As you grow up your friends change. Growing up in not something that happens 
when you turn eighteen and become a legal adult. Throughout your life you will 
find what I call the special friends."
"Like Laura," Crystal said. "After that talk with her, I feel like I can tell 
her almost anything."
"It's a good feeling to build trust with another person, isn't it?" Jenny asked.
"It felt good to tell the truth about what happened." Crystal was only willing 
to give a little, feeling a speech about trust coming up. To her surprise, Jenny 
had a different idea.
"And every time you tell your story to another person, you take some of that 
load off your shoulders. You lessen the power it has over you."
"It doesn't have any power over me. I'm in total control," Crystal protested.
"You are, are you?" The annoying smirk returned. "When was the last time you 
rode an elevator alone with a man and not had a panic attack? When was the last 
time you had a good night's sleep that wasn't drug or alcohol induced? We 
haven't even begun to look at any sexual dysfunction that might be going on." 
The words hit home and Crystal knew it showed on her face. She scowled and 
looked away but her therapist and friend continued to talk to her. "You haven't 
had control over anything except how to stuff your feelings away by whatever 
means possible. Whether you want to admit it or not, you act and react based on 
your experiences and until you let go of the past, you can't move forward. 
Crystal, I want to talk to you about joining a group that meets here on Tuesday 
evenings."
"A group?" What the hell are you talking about? Sitting up and turning to face 
Jenny, Crystal gave the therapist her full attention.
"There are a group of women who meet here every week to talk to each other about 
their feelings and experiences. It's for survivors of rape and sexual abuse."
"You're kidding. Sit in a room with a whole bunch of strangers and tell them 
about what happened?" Crystal shook her head vehemently. "Not a chance."
"What about that scares you?" Jenny asked. "Every woman in there is a survivor 
just like you are."
"Not a snowball's chance in hell, Doc. No way, no how."
"You could just sit there and listen. You're not obligated to say anything. The 
only thing is that the same rule applies to group as it does to our sessions. No 
drugs, no alcohol beforehand. Many of these women are in recovery from substance 
abuse as well." Jenny stood up and walked over to the couch, picking up her 
clipboard before sitting down on the leather cushion. Crystal's eyes followed 
her progress, wondering what the therapist was up to. She got her answer. "Do 
you remember what you wrote in your journal…" Jenny looked down at the 
composition book and checked the date. "Friday night?"
Crystal's eyes widened as she tried to remember what she had written. The 
journal had become her nighttime ritual done while having her last cigarette 
before bedtime. Very often she would forget that Jenny would be eventually 
reading it and just let her mind flow with thoughts and feelings transcribed to 
the paper by her hand. "I um…I try not to think about you reading it when I'm 
writing."
"I see that," Jenny said. "You say some very powerful things in here but what 
keeps striking me over and over again in your writing is the need you have to 
feel like you belong somewhere."
"Huh?" Without thought Crystal moved forward, taking up Jenny's old position on 
the blue beanbag next to the couch. "I never said that."
"You didn't?" Jenny held her finger against the page. "Right here and I quote 
'sometimes I feel like I'm looking in on the rest of the world' and back here…" 
The pages were flipped. "You wrote quite a bit this day. Let me find it…oh yes, 
right here. You wrote 'I feel like I'm all broken and no one can help me get 
back together again. No one understands'." Crystal could only nod, the truth 
there in her own messy handwriting. "I want you to take the next step, Crystal," 
Jenny said softly.
"I'll think about it," Crystal said, resting her elbows on her knees. "I'm 
studying for the GED at night too so we'll see."
"You are? You didn't tell me about this. When did you start that?"
"Laura found a web site with all this information and stuff on it. She printed 
out all these tests and has been having me take them so we can see what I need 
to learn," Crystal said excitedly. "I've been doing better than she thought I 
would."
"Laura's helping you?"
"Yeah. She's playing teacher, grading my tests and all that." Crystal tried to 
figure out what the odd look on Jenny's face meant but before she could the 
therapist stood up and walked over to the vacant beanbag.
"That's very good," Jenny said. "It's a step in the right direction. You should 
include writing about that in your nightly journals. You haven't mentioned it at 
all."
"I wrote about it in last night's entry but you haven't had a chance to read 
that one yet," Crystal said. "I was pissed off because I couldn't remember all 
these formulas Laura keeps trying to make me learn." She shook her head. "I 
don't know, Doc. Sometimes I think I can do it and other times I think I'm an 
idiot and I'll never learn it."
"It's very common to have self doubt, especially with something that seems such 
a high goal. I've had doubts myself when I was in school."
"You did?"
"Of course. Everyone has doubts, Crystal. The goal is to face your doubts and 
continue on. If you fail once, that doesn't mean you'll always fail. Remember we 
talked about learning from your life experiences? Your mistakes as well as your 
successes?"
"Yeah, I remember," Crystal said grudgingly. "I feel like I'm going in twenty 
different directions and I'm not sure which one to take."
"And when you feel like that, what do you do?"
"Besides heading for the nearest bar or my pipe?" Crystal said only half 
jokingly. "I dunno. I guess I talk to you or Laura."
"I suggest you do more of the latter and less of the former."
"I thought you weren't going to nag me about my drinking?" Crystal asked, 
mentally preparing herself for a lecture on drinking.
"I'm not…yet," Jenny said. "I just made a suggestion, just like you going to 
that meeting on Tuesday."
"No. I don't need to be around a bunch of women all talking about the bad things 
that happened to them."
"I'm pretty sure just going won't kill you," Jenny said. "I promise you don't 
have to say anything if you don't want to but I strongly recommend you attend 
it, even if it's just one time. Just try it."
Crystal grumbled under her breath, not wanting to keep the topic going but not 
wanting to admit defeat either.
"Enough of that for now. You feel like talking about your journal?"
"Not really but I don't suppose that matters, does it?" Crystal said, sinking 
down into a comfortable position against the beanbag.
"That's the spirit," Jenny said sarcastically. "So Thursday you went into great 
lengths about your tenth birthday. Why don't we start with that?"

When Crystal returned home, she found Laura in the kitchen, mouthwatering smells 
wafting through the air. "Hey there. It smells great," she said, hanging her 
keys on the appropriate hook lest they have another talk about the proper uses 
for a entry table. Hefting the bag in her hand, Crystal made her way into the 
kitchen.
"About five more minutes and everything will be ready," Laura replied, closing 
the oven door. "I thought garlic bread would be better than biscuits."
"Fine with me." Setting the bag down on the counter, Crystal reached inside it 
and pulled out a bottle of beer. "Man, what a day. It took half the day to 
figure out where the chargers were for the cordless drills and then I had a hell 
of a session with Jenny a little while ago."
"How did it go?" Laura held her hand out for the bottle cap then motioned at the 
kitchen table. "Let's sit while we're waiting."
"It was brutal," Crystal sighed, sinking into the padded chair. "She wants me to 
join some group of women that sit around and talk about what's happened to 
them."
"Well if she feels it will help…"
"How can that help me? Listening to them will only make me think of my own stuff 
and what good is that?" Shaking her head, Crystal brought the bottle to her 
lips. "I'm trying to forget about what happened to me, not relive it," she said 
before tipping the bottle and taking several long swallows. "That's not even the 
worst of it. She got me talking about some of the stuff I put in my journal." 
Looking up, Crystal saw Laura looking at her patiently. "I forget sometimes when 
I'm writing in there that she's gonna read it. I put in a bunch of stuff about 
how I felt when I was a kid and she wanted to talk about it."
"She wanted you to talk about it, you mean," Laura said. Crystal nodded, 
surprised to feel her roommate's hand cover her own on the table. "She's not 
kidding when she says talking about it will help make it feel better."
Crystal continued to look at the hand resting atop her own. "Maybe but it's not 
something I feel all that good about, you know?" She withdrew her hand, curling 
her fingers around the brown bottle. "She had me almost to tears at one point. I 
even picked up one of those spongy balls and threw it, can you believe that?" 
Shaking her head, Crystal took another drink. "Next thing you know she'll have 
me hitting a punching bag and visiting my 'inner child' or something stupid like 
that."
Laura stood up and leaned over until her lips were near Crystal's ear. "Nothing 
is stupid if it helps," she said. "I'll check on the chicken." The writer turned 
and walked over to the oven, leaving Crystal to her own thoughts.
Nothing is stupid if it helps, huh? Cute Laura, real cute. You know you sound 
like her sometimes? Crystal looked at the woman whose back was facing her. 
Sometimes you do but other times you're just like an old friend that I can trust 
to tell anything to. Crystal was so lost in thought that she missed the phone 
the first time it rang.
"Can you grab that?" Laura said. "I've got the roasting pan."
"Sure." Not one for using the phone, it took Crystal a second to figure out 
where the ringing was coming from and pick it up. "Hello?"
"Laur?"
"Um, no…this is her roommate." Crystal could barely hear the male voice over the 
background noise. "Who's calling?"
"Is she there? It's her brother Bobby. I need to find her right away." It was 
then Crystal realized the background noise was that of a hospital intercom 
system.
"Yeah, hang on a second," she yelled into the phone. "Laura, I think it's your 
brother. You'd better take it."
Laura set the roasting pan down on the cooling rack and wiped her hands on the 
dishcloth. "It's Bobby?"
"I think so." As she handed over the phone, Crystal felt a sense of dread. She 
could only watch helplessly as Laura took the call.
"Hello? Bobby? Speak up, I can barely hear you. Where are you?" The loss of 
color in Laura's face confirmed Crystal's suspicion. "What happened? What? Wait, 
I can't hear you." There was only a momentary pause. "Bobby, just stay there. 
I'm on my way. No, don't call the rest of the family. I'll call them if we need 
to. Yes, just stay right there. I'm on my way." Laura shut the phone off and 
gripped the side of the counter.
"Is it your mother?" Crystal asked.
Laura nodded, obviously trying to maintain her composure. "I um…she…he's not 
sure what happened." She shook her head. "I have to get there."
"Do you want me to drive you?" Crystal offered, taking the phone and hanging it 
up. "I don't think you should be driving yourself."
"They're at the Med Center."
"Near the bypass. I know where it is." Crystal glanced at the stove, making sure 
everything was shut off. "I'll grab my keys."
"Wait." Laura reached up and took her set of keys off the hook. "Let's take the 
Jeep."
"Good idea, at least it's legal," Crystal said, taking the keys from Laura's 
hand. Oh man, her mom is sick. What am I supposed to do? Putting her arm 
awkwardly around Laura's back, Crystal gave her roommate a quick squeeze. "It'll 
be all right, Laura." To her surprise, Crystal found herself buried in a firm 
hug, Laura's arms wrapped tightly around her.
"I don't know what to do," the distraught woman's words were muffled. "When 
Dad…Mom took care of everything."
"Shh. Let's just get there and find out what's going on, okay?" Crystal guided 
Laura toward the door. I'll call Jenny from the hospital. She'll know what to 
do. I'm no good at this comforting stuff. But Jenny wasn't there at the moment. 
It was just her and Laura. I can't let her go through this all alone. Unsure 
what to say, Crystal remained quiet as they got to the Jeep. Once Laura was in 
the passenger seat, Crystal made her way around to the driver's side. "Well, 
this should be interesting," she said as she put the key in the ignition. "I've 
never driven one of these before."
"Crystal?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't care if you speed this time," Laura said quietly.
"I'll get you there as fast as I can," Crystal promised, turning the key and 
smiling as the engine came to life. Must be nice not to worry if the damn thing 
will start up each time, she silently mused as she backed the Jeep out of its 
parking space and headed for the medical center.
It took only a few minutes for Crystal to maneuver her way through traffic and 
reach the entrance ramp for the bypass. "If we go this way we'll save about ten 
minutes with the traffic," she said, hoping for a response from Laura but none 
came. Well I guess we take the highway then since there's no objections. As she 
followed the curve of the entrance ramp, Crystal pressed down harder on the gas 
pedal, curious how fast the late model vehicle could go. "Do you want to listen 
to the radio?" She looked over just in time to see Laura shake her head. "You 
feel like talking?"
"About what?"
"Anything." Crystal shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Whatever you feel like talking 
about."
"I can't think about anything but Mom right now."
"That's okay. Tell me a story about you and your mom." Crystal glanced at the 
side mirror before pulling into the left lane and passing a package van. "Tell 
me anything."
"I remember when I fell from my bike and broke my arm. I came in the house and 
Mom took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I didn't have to say a 
word." Laura sniffled and reached into her pocket, retrieving a handkerchief. 
"She always knew when one of us was hurt."
"Yeah?" That's it, Laura. Keep talking. Don't think about what might be at the 
hospital. Crystal half listened, putting most of her attention on the traffic 
ahead of her. She was at least twenty miles over the limit but the exit she 
needed was still several miles away. Silently praying for the cops to be more 
interested in donuts than speeders, Crystal took the chance and pressed down 
even harder on the pedal.
Fortunately for all concerned, the police did not take notice of the speeding 
Jeep. Crystal even managed to find a parking space near the emergency entrance 
of the hospital. She had barely shut off the engine when Laura bolted from the 
vehicle and dashed to the entrance. "Hey, wait for me," Crystal called, freeing 
herself from the seat belt and running after Laura.
Eighteen year old Bobby Taylor sat on one of the orange plastic chairs in the 
waiting room, looking forlornly at the floor. His blond hair was tousled about 
his head and when he looked up and saw his sister, Crystal saw the puffy red 
rimmed eyes. Damn, this isn't going to be a good one, she thought to herself, 
stepping aside as the siblings ran into each others arms.
"What happened?" Laura said, her hands gripping Bobby's. "Did she have a heart 
attack?"
"I don't know. The doctors are in with her now. I can't believe this is 
happening," he said. "We had breakfast together and everything seemed fine. 
Well, she seemed a little tired but not like really tired or anything." Bobby 
sat down again. Laura sat down next to him and motioned for Crystal to take the 
empty seat next to her.
"Did she ask you to bring her here?"
Bobby shook his head. "No. I thought about having them take her to Saint Thomas 
but the ambulance guy said the Med Center was closer. I'm glad you're here, Sis. 
I don't know the answers to half of the questions on those forms."
"Don't you worry about it. I'll take care of them," Laura assured. "So go on. 
What happened?"
"She said she was tired and wanted to lay down before the news came on. I went 
in to wake up around six and that's when I saw her all…puffed up like that. I 
couldn't understand what she was saying so I called 911."
"You did fine," Laura said, putting her arm around the young man's shoulders. 
"Has the doctor said anything yet?"
"He asked if I was the only one here for her, had me sign a few forms then went 
back in there. I told him you were on your way."
Crystal saw the opportunity to help. "Laura, why don't I go let the doctor know 
you're here?"
"I'd better go find him," the writer replied, rising to her feet. "Can you stay 
here with Bobby?"
"Sure," Crystal said. "Are you sure you're okay to do this? You want me to call 
Jenny?"
"Let's not call her until I know what's going on," Laura said. "I'll be back in 
a few minutes."
Once Laura left the room, Crystal stood up. "I'm going outside for a minute."
"I'll go with you," Bobby said. "I've been stuck in here for two hours now. 
Fresh air sounds like a good idea." Standing up, he towered a good four inches 
over her.
"I don't know how fresh the air will be, I'm going to have a cigarette," she 
said.
"You got an extra one?" he asked. "I left mine at home and I could really use 
one right about now."
"Does Laura know you smoke?"
"No. Mom doesn't either unless she does and hasn't said anything yet." He 
pressed the button to open the double doors. "Please tell me you smoke menthol."
"Light menthols." Crystal reached into her pocket and pulled out her battered 
pack. Laura knows you smoke even if you don't think she does, she thought to 
herself, remembering the conversation she had with the writer the day of Bobby's 
graduation party. What the hell. He's eighteen. If he wants to smoke I'm not 
going to stop him. "Help yourself," she said, holding the pack out.
Bobby took the cigarette and fished his lighter out of his pocket. "Thanks." He 
held out the lighter and waited until Crystal's cigarette was burning before 
lighting his own. "Oh, that's much better," he said as he exhaled. "I was going 
nuts in there all by myself."
"I bet. A couple of years ago a bunch of us were bar hopping and the guy driving 
got in an accident. We were at the hospital for almost six hours." It was 
Crystal's only adult experience with hospitals and most of it was a drunken 
blur. "He only had a broken wrist."
"I should have brought Mom's purse," he said as he walked over to the decorative 
half wall that lined the edge of the hospital's everlasting garden. Crystal 
followed and sat a foot away from him.
"You can't be expected to remember everything at a time like that."
"I should have, though." Bobby stared off at the parking lot. "When I got here 
they wanted her insurance card and they wanted to know if she was allergic to 
anything. I don't know any of that." He took a long drag, making the end of the 
cigarette burn a bright orange. "I'm the man of the family now and I don't have 
a clue how to handle this."
"Has this ever happened before?"
Bobby shook his head, his profile barely visible beneath the sodium lamp. "When 
Dad had his heart attack no one was home. Laura was in college and I was at 
school. Mom said she came home from shopping and found him in the chair." Bobby 
continued to gaze out at nothing. "Laura was on her way home by the time I found 
out what happened. The two of them handled everything."
"You were pretty young then, weren't you?" she asked.
"Eleven. But I was so upset I just spent most of the time crying." He flicked 
the half finished cigarette into the darkness. "I guess I always figured they'd 
both be around to take care of everything. Look at me. My mother is dying and I 
have to call my sister for help."
"You don't know she's dying," Crystal said although from the little she had 
heard the comment might not be far off the mark. "And you did take care of your 
mom. You're the one who called the ambulance." She heard the sniffle and 
instinctively inched closer to Bobby. "What if you hadn't been there?" Crystal 
received another sniffle as an answer. "I know what it's like to have an older 
sister."
"You do?"
"Yeah." Dropping her cigarette to the ground, Crystal watched it slowly burn 
away. "I used to always depend on her to take care of everything but then one 
day she was gone and I had to take care of myself. I know what it feels like." 
Why am I telling him all this? Looking over at him, Crystal realized her answer. 
Because I know how he's feeling right now and he's Laura's brother. When she had 
been scared and alone, no one was there to help her. "I understand," she said 
softly. "You want another smoke?"
"Not now, thanks," he said, pushing himself off the half wall. Crystal hopped 
down and began walking with him back into the hospital. Reaching into her 
pocket, she pulled out her pack and mentally guessed how many cigarettes she had 
left. Maybe half a pack. Deciding he probably didn't smoke as much as she did, 
Crystal pulled four cigarettes out of the pack and nudged his arm. "Here. In 
case you want one later." She held her hand out and smiled slightly when he took 
the offering. "Just don't tell your sister I gave them to you," she added.
"No prob," he said, tucking the cigarettes into his shirt pocket. "Thanks."
Crystal nodded and followed him through the brightly lit entrance. As they 
turned the corner she saw Laura standing in the hallway talking with a man that 
Crystal assumed was the doctor. When Bobby saw them he ran down the hallway to 
join them. I think I'll wait in here, Crystal said to herself, stopping at the 
entrance to the waiting room. She was about to go in when she saw Laura and 
Bobby turn and walk toward her. I hope it's good news. "How is she?"
"They're admitting her," Laura said. "Let's talk in here."
They settled into a corner of the waiting room, moving the chairs so they formed 
a triangle. As Crystal took her seat, she noticed a change come over Laura. The 
dark haired woman sat straight up in her seat, her face betraying little 
emotion. When Laura spoke, it was in a very controlled tone. "They're calling in 
a cardiologist."
"Did she have a heart attack?" Bobby asked, leaning forward in his seat.
"No," his sister replied. "Doctor Stevens said it was pulmonary edema. She 
filled up with fluid. They have her on an IV and he said she has to stay here 
for a few days." Laura looked around quickly, then at Bobby. "You didn't bring 
Mom's purse?"
"No," he said. "I didn't think about it. The only number I knew by heart was 
yours."
Laura stood up and walked over to the table covered with magazines. "We have to 
call Aunt Elaine and Mom's doctor. I'm sure his name and number are in her 
address book." As she spoke, Laura's hands were busily straightening out the 
mountain of magazines. "I need her papers. They're in the top drawer of the file 
cabinet in the den. That's where Mom kept all the insurance and important 
papers."
"I'll go get them," Bobby said. "Can I take your car? I rode in the ambulance 
with Mom."
"Are you sure you're up to that?" Crystal spoke up for the first time. "I can 
drive you over if that would make it easier."
Laura stopped her frenzied stacking for a moment and looked at the two of them. 
"That's a good idea. Bobby, you can always drive Mom's car back here and Crystal 
can follow in mine. I'll make a list of the things you need to bring." She 
looked around again. "I need something to write with…Crystal, there's a daily 
planner in the glove compartment. Would you get it for me please?"
"Sure." Anything to help. Crystal stood up and felt her pocket to make sure the 
keys were in there. "I'll be right back."
Walking out to the car gave Crystal some much needed private time to think. 
While she had only a bare understanding of what was wrong with Laura's mother, 
she knew it was something serious and things would be crazy for the next few 
days. She'll probably want to call Jenny to come be with her. She's better at 
that stuff than I am. When she reached the car, Crystal unlocked it and quickly 
found the planner. Better make sure there's a pen in there in case she needs to 
write something down. Undoing the snap and opening the planner, Crystal 
confirmed there was both a pen and a pencil nestled in their appropriate slots. 
Should have known with her. As she went to close the glove compartment, Crystal 
noticed a roll of quarters. She might need those for phone calls or coffee from 
the machine. Shoving the roll into her pocket, Crystal locked up the car and 
headed back into the hospital.
When Crystal returned, she found Laura and Bobby in the waiting room. A quick 
glance around showed all the magazines neatly stacked on the various tables. 
"I've got it," she said, holding the planner up. "I grabbed a roll of quarters 
you had in there too in case you needed it."
"That's a good idea," Laura agreed, rising to take the planner and roll of 
change. The writer immediately opened the planner up and flipped through the 
pages. "I have to call Mom's sister and let her know. I should stop the 
newspaper delivery while she's here too." She paused briefly to rub her eyes. 
"There's so much to do. Someone has to take care of Bobby and the house."
"I can take care of myself," the eighteen year old protested. "I can pick the 
paper up morning and handle the mail."
"Let him help," Crystal urged softly. "You'll have enough to do."
"No, he shouldn't have to do it. I can take care of everything," Laura said, 
finding the page she was looking for. "I'd better get started on the phone 
calls."
"I'll take him home and we'll be back in a little while, okay?" Crystal asked. 
"Or do you want us to wait until Jenny's here?"
"No, you two go on ahead. I'll be all right." 
While Laura sounded confident, Crystal wasn't so sure. She debated about 
insisting but in the end nodded her head. "Okay, we'll be back in a little 
while." The trio walked into the hallway, stopping when Laura reached the pay 
phone. Unsure what prompted her to do so, Crystal reached out and squeezed 
Laura's shoulder. Moving closer, she leaned over and whispered in the writer's 
ear. "We won't be long." She felt a hand clasp over hers.
"Thanks," Laura said. "I appreciate it."
"Of course. That's what friends are for, aren't they?" Crystal asked, giving the 
shoulder one last squeeze before nodding at Bobby. "Ready?"
"Yeah. Oh wait." He patted his pockets and frowned. "I was in such a hurry I 
didn't grab my keys."
"The one with the green ring on it is the key to the front door," Laura said. "I 
never gave back my key when I went off to school." The dark haired woman turned 
and began feeding quarters into the pay phone. "Don't forget the papers from the 
file cabinet."
"We won't," Crystal said, turning to follow Bobby down the hall.

The walk to the parking lot was a quiet one, broken only by Crystal pointing out 
where the Jeep was parked. Once inside with the engine running, she pulled out a 
cigarette and lit it. "I guess Fall is starting early, hmm?"
"Seems like it," Bobby replied. "Guess I'd better dig out my letterman jacket 
out soon."
"What did you letter in?" she asked, keeping an eye on the traffic as she pulled 
out of the parking lot. "Which way do I go?"
"Take a left. I lettered in track just like Laura."
Crystal followed his direction and was soon zipping in and out of traffic. "I 
didn't know she was into sports."
"I don't think Laura really cared if she made varsity or not. I think it was 
just one of those things she did because her friends did."
"Is that why you did it?"
"Well, I'm not the genius like Laura. She could get the straight A's. I hoped to 
be good enough to get an athletic scholarship. I just squeaked through. What 
about you?"
Noticing the drops beginning to appear on the windshield, Crystal fumbled around 
for the wiper controls. "Um…I didn't finish high school."
"Oh," he said. "I didn't know. Too much of a drag, huh?"
"Something like that," she said before taking a long drag of her cigarette. "I 
was never one for following the rules."
Bobby snorted. "Funny you hooking up with my sister then."
"Um…" Crystal wasn't sure how much he knew about his sister's life. "We're just 
roommates."
"You know that's what Mom used to call them when I was younger. Like I wouldn't 
understand my sister is gay." Bobby laughed. "I figured she was with living with 
Jenny all those years and bringing her every time she came over to the house. I 
was probably about fifteen when I saw her and Jenny arguing and told them to 
kiss and make up. Laura looked like she swallowed a hot pepper and Jenny just 
laughed at her." He sighed and leaned his head against the glass. "Sometimes I 
think Laura thinks I'm still a little kid." He fished into his pocket and pulled 
out one of the cigarettes Crystal had given him.
Crystal debated about correcting him again about her relationship with Laura but 
decided it didn't matter at the moment. "Do I turn up here somewhere?"
"Go up about three more lights and take a right." Turning onto the side street, 
Crystal followed the twists and turns until Bobby pointed at the house at the 
top of the hill. "That's it right there. You can pull into the driveway but 
don't block the garage. My car needs a new clutch but Mom's is working fine."
After handing the keys to Bobby, Crystal followed him inside the old house. She 
stopped just inside, her eyes following the multitude of framed pictures lining 
the walls. Guessing they were school pictures, Crystal looked at the image of a 
young Laura with pigtails and braces smiling at her. Her gaze moved from one 
picture to another, watching the years go by and Laura transform from a young 
tomboy to a high school beauty and then a college graduate. Looking at the 
opposite wall, Crystal noted that equal space was given to Bobby's photos. He 
opened a set of double doors. "Here's the den," he said. "The file cabinet is 
unlocked. I'll go get Mom's purse and keys."
"Okay. I'll get the papers for you." Crystal watched him ascend the stairs 
before she entered the den and walked past the large wooden desk. As she had 
been instructed, the file cabinet was unlocked. Several thick folders filled the 
top drawer. Unsure which one was needed, Crystal grabbed them all. Now how to 
carry all of these, she thought to herself. A quick look around revealed a 
battered briefcase sitting next to the desk. It took some maneuvering to squeeze 
all the folders into the case. There. Now I know I've gotten the folder she 
needed. Hearing Bobby still wandering around upstairs, Crystal took a minute to 
look around the room. A lighted display case in the corner carried a variety of 
ribbons and trophies. Looking closer, Crystal realized most belonged to Laura's 
father but one shelf contained a neatly organized stack of trophies all 
proclaiming Laura Taylor as the winner of one tournament or another. I wonder if 
my mother ever kept anything we did in school. On the wall next to the trophy 
case, Laura's high school and college diplomas sat proudly in ornate frames. 
Surrounding them were other awards Laura had won growing up. Crystal reached out 
and touched the wooden frame of the high school diploma. Look how proud they are 
of you, Laura. Even though you don't live here anymore they have all your things 
still out. They probably have your finger-paint handprint buried in a box 
somewhere. Standing alone in the den, Crystal swore she could feel the love the 
Taylor parents had for their children. You're very lucky, the blonde thought to 
herself. Hearing Bobby heading down the stairs, Crystal picked up the briefcase 
and switched off the lamp.
"Did you find them?" he asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Yes, I think so. I just grabbed all the folders in the top drawer." Crystal 
held up the briefcase.
"Good idea. I think that was Dad's case."
"Oh, I didn't know," Crystal apologized.
"Don't worry about it. It's not like we can't use it or anything," he said. "I 
was going to take it with me to college if Mom didn't get me a new one. Bring 
it. It might make Laura happy to see something of Dad's."
Part 11
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L

*****************

By the time they returned to the hospital, Laura was sitting in the waiting room 
hunched over her planner. "We're back," Bobby said, announcing their arrival. He 
walked over to an empty chair and slumped down, emotionally drained from the 
day's events.
"Good." Laura looked up, surprised by the briefcase in her roommate's hand.
"I didn't know which folder you wanted so I brought all the ones I found," 
Crystal explained, handing over the case. Laura set the case down on the table 
and opened it.
"It would have been okay if you looked inside the folders to see what they 
were," the writer said as she did just that. "This one is all my important 
papers and I bet that one is Bobby's papers. A quick check confirmed her guess.
"Yeah well…I figured you'd be better off doing that," Crystal said as she pulled 
a chair over. It's not my place to snoop through your family's personal papers. 
Laura opened one of the bigger folders and began looking through the papers. "Do 
you want some hot chocolate or coffee from the vending machine?" she asked, 
looking for something useful to do while they were waiting.
"No, not yet thanks," Laura said without looking up from her task.
"Did you get a chance to see your mother?"
"Briefly. She's resting right now." Laura paused and looked up at Crystal. "I 
see why Bobby was so worried. She looks fifty pounds bigger than she usually is. 
The doctor said it was the fluid building up in her system."
"But they can take care of it, right?"
"They think so. He said it depends on how she responds to the IV they're giving 
her." Laura tried to sound hopeful but there was something in her voice that 
made Crystal believe her roommate was putting on a front.
"Did you call Jenny yet?"
Laura shook her head. "I called the relatives but told them to stay home until 
we know more. I figured if things got worse then I'd call Jen. You are going to 
stay here with me for a while, aren't you?"
Crystal nodded, secretly pleased that Laura wanted her there. "I'll stay as long 
as you want me to." She was surprised to feel the writer's hand touch her knee.
"Thanks," Laura said. "I'm glad you're here." She looked back at the papers and 
exhaled loudly. "I'd better get back to this. Fortunately Mom has everything 
organized. These first papers are about her insurance. The stuff in the back is 
things from her lawyer and about the house." Several papers were removed from 
the folder and set aside.
"Hey, why don't you sit back and relax for a few minutes?" Crystal offered.
Laura shook her head. "I can't. I have to take care of everything." She looked 
over at her brother. "I can't ask him to do this."
"He's not a baby, you know," the younger woman reminded. "He's going to college 
in a few weeks."
"That's right, he is," Laura said. "What am I going to do with her? Someone has 
to stay with her now." She began shuffling through the papers. "Does her 
insurance cover home care?"
Crystal felt woefully out of place. Hospitals were places she visited rarely and 
dealing with the possible loss of a parent was not something she ever worried 
about. She briefly let her mind wander, wondering if her parents were still 
alive. The thought naturally led to wondering about her older sister and Crystal 
was lost in another time when Laura tried to get her attention. "I'm sorry, 
what?"
"I asked if you minded getting us something from the machine? I think I could 
really use something with zip right about now."
"Hot chocolate or coffee?"
"Hmm, caffeine and sugar or chocolate, caffeine and sugar. I'll take the hot 
chocolate."
"You got it," Crystal said, standing up. "Bobby, do you want something?"
"Coffee with cream and sugar would be nice," he said.
"I'll be right back," she said softly to Laura, taking the offered handful of 
change. I'd better get a coffee for myself too. Looks like it's gonna be a long 
night.

Crystal had been correct about it being a long night. It was after two and Laura 
showed no sign of wanting to leave the hospital. Several times the Taylor 
siblings went in to check on their mother while she quietly kept watch of their 
belongings in the waiting room. Bobby was now sound asleep across several chairs 
while Laura continued to look through the family papers. "Maybe you should go 
home and get some sleep," Crystal said after noticing yet another yawn from her 
roommate.
"No. I want to be here in case Mom wakes up."
"They told you she probably wouldn't wake up until tomorrow."
"They've been wrong before. I don't want her to wake up and be alone," Laura 
said firmly.
"At least give yourself a break from doing all that stuff with the papers." She 
pushed a steaming cup of hot chocolate toward Laura. "You let your last cup get 
ice cold before you drank it. Sit back for a minute and have some before this 
one gets cold too." Deciding that subtle wasn't working, Crystal picked up the 
cup and held it in front of her roommate. "Drink."
"I don't…"
"Drink," Crystal repeated firmly. Her persistence worked as Laura finally took 
the cup and drained half of it before setting it on the table.
"Happy?"
"Yes." And it was true, Crystal was happy Laura was listening to her. It was an 
odd role reversal for the blonde and she hoped she was capable of being the 
supportive friend Laura needed. Looking over at the sleeping teenager, Crystal 
remembered the talk they had in the car. "Laura, you know Bobby can take care of 
whatever needs to be done with your mother's house while she's here."
"I can handle it," the dark haired woman said without looking up from her stack 
of papers. "He needs to worry about getting ready for college."
"What does he need to do? He already graduated from high school. He's been 
accepted wherever it is he wanted to go."
"Union. He got accepted at Union."
"Union. So what else is there for him to do? Pack up the things he needs for his 
dorm room? No reason why he can't pick up the morning paper and the mail. He 
probably does that for your mom already. He's not a little boy anymore."
"It's not for him to take care of things." Laura picked up her pen and scribbled 
a note in her planner. "I have it all under control."
"Whatever." With a sigh, Crystal gave up and leaned back in her chair. You're 
too stubborn.
"Where is…" Laura flipped through the papers. "I can't find it."
"Find what?"
"Mom's other policy. She's supposed to have supplemental insurance to cover what 
the Army benefits don't. I can't find it but it has to be here somewhere."
"Are you sure she has it?"
"Of course she does. When Dad retired he bought the policies himself. Maybe it's 
in the folder with his papers." Laura opened the briefcase and pulled out the 
other large manila folder. "This is why Bobby can't do it. He wouldn't have 
thought about the supplemental policies."
"I wouldn't have thought of it either," Crystal admitted.
"Well I should have thought of it earlier but…oh, there it is. Right in Dad's 
folder." Laura shook her head. "I can't believe Mom didn't think to put this in 
her folder."
I can't believe anyone would even have a 'folder', Crystal thought. She was 
surprised when Laura put the pen down and sat back, fully expecting her roommate 
to spend all night looking through the mountain of papers.
"Well that's done. I just have to give the billing office the policy numbers and 
Mom will be all set as far as that goes."
"Do you want to go check on her again? I'll stay here with him and keep an eye 
on your stuff."
Laura couldn't suppress a yawn. "Oh, sorry about that. What time is it?"
"Almost two thirty."
"Good thing tomorrow's the weekend. I'd hate to think of you trying to get up 
early and go work a full day for Michael."
"If I had to, I would," Crystal said. "Go on. If he wakes up I'll tell him where 
you are."
Laura gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks. I won't be long."
"Take all the time you want." Crystal watched her roommate leave the waiting 
room and head down the hall before putting her feet up on the small table and 
settling herself into as comfortable a position as she could on the hard plastic 
chair. Another reason I hate waiting rooms. The chairs suck. Crystal yawned and 
rubbed her eyes. I could go to sleep right now. I can't believe how tired I am. 
I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes while she's gone. She was sound asleep 
within minutes.
Crystal awoke to the feeling of someone shaking her shoulder. "Crystal? Crystal, 
wake up."
"Huh?" Sitting up and rubbing her eyes, it took the blonde woman a few seconds 
to remember where she was. "Oh, sorry Laura. I guess I dozed off."
"I figured you would. I was gone almost an hour."
Crystal moved her legs to let Laura get to her own seat. "How's she doing?" she 
asked, still trying to come to full wakefulness.
"She was awake for a little while." Laura looked over at her sleeping brother. 
"She looks so weak and she couldn't stop coughing. The doctor said that's a good 
sign."
"What? That she's coughing her brains out?"
"Actually yes. He said it meant the medicine they're giving her is working. It's 
getting the fluid out of her lungs and that's what's causing the coughing."
"So that's good, right?"
"That's what they tell me." Laura sighed and shook her head. "She says she feels 
too sick to be poked and prodded by the doctors. They're moving her up to CCU in 
a few minutes."
"CCU?"
"It's the cardiac care unit. They want to keep for a few days until they get the 
fluid out and they want a cardiologist to look at her." She looked over at her 
brother. "He was just a kid when Dad died."
"He's not a kid now," Crystal said. "He understands what's going on."
"I know," Laura conceded. A polite cough caused them both to turn and see a tall 
man dressed in a white lab coat. "I'll be right back." Laura walked out into the 
hall and spoke with the man, returning a few minutes later. "They said we should 
go home now and come back tomorrow. I'd better wake him up. He can sleep on the 
couch."
"You mean you're having him come back to our place?"
"He probably doesn't want to be alone right now," Laura reasoned. "At a time 
like this, the family should stick together."
I wouldn't know about families sticking together, Crystal thought dourly. But I 
guess that's what a normal family does. "So we'll go home and you'll come back 
tomorrow?"
"As soon as I wake up. I don't want Mom to be here all alone too long." Laura 
sank into her seat and exhaled slowly. "I still can't believe this is 
happening." Her fingers quickly wiped away an errant tear that began to fall 
down her cheek. "S-she's only fifty four."
Crystal realized immediately that the control Laura had been showing all evening 
was slipping. Unsure what else to do, she held her arms out and accepted the 
distraught woman into an awkward embrace. "It's gonna be all right," she 
whispered, slowly rubbing her hand up and down Laura's back. She felt the body 
against her begin to shake as the tears came more freely. Oh no, she's really 
crying now. "Shh, come on now, Laura. It's all right. Your mom's gonna be okay. 
Shh." Crystal wasn't sure who initiated the rocking motion but she made no 
effort to stop it. She used her right hand to hold the dark head close to her 
chest while her left hand continued to slowly rub Laura's back. "It's gonna be 
okay." Crystal knew how to deal with angry people but upset people were a 
different matter. And when the upset person was one of her best friends, Crystal 
felt even more helpless. "I don't know what else to do," she whispered, pressing 
her cheek against the top of Laura's head. She felt the wetness of tears soaking 
through her shirt and the almost painful grip of Laura's hands around her back. 
What the hell do I say? Long minutes passed as she continued to hold Laura in 
her arms. Spotting movement out of the corner of her eye, Crystal looked up and 
noticed Bobby sitting up and rubbing his face. He looked at her sister 
worriedly. "She's okay," Crystal said, easing the young man's concern. "Laura?" 
she whispered. "Laura? Bobby's awake now." As she expected, Laura released her 
hold and sat up, trying hard to regain her composure.
"Sorry," Laura said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her handkerchief. 
"I guess I just needed a good crying jag." She wiped her eyes and looked at her 
brother. "They're moving Mom to CCU and said we should go home and come back 
tomorrow."
Bobby yawned and stood up, raising his arms high above his head to stretch after 
being cramped across the hard plastic chairs for so long. "Ahh, I didn't think I 
would fall asleep."
"Don't worry about it," Crystal said. "I zonked out for a few minutes too." She 
absently wiped at the wet tear stain on the front of her shirt and looked at 
Laura. "You ready?"
"Yes," Laura said, putting most of the papers back into the briefcase and 
closing it. "I just need to stop at the desk and give them Mom's insurance 
information and then we'll be all set. Bobby, do you want to swing by the house 
and pick up some clothes or do you want to wait until tomorrow to do that?"
"Pick up some clothes? I can stay at the house while Mom's here," he said 
firmly, looking to Crystal for support.
"Um, Laura? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Tugging lightly on the writer's 
elbow, Crystal led them to the far end of the room. "He doesn't want to stay at 
your place," she said in a low tone. "Why not let him stay home alone?"
"He's too yo…" Laura stopped herself, seeing the sparse blonde stubble that had 
formed on her bother's chin.
"He's not too young," Crystal reminded her.
Laura sighed and reluctantly nodded. "All right." Turning to Bobby she said 
"I'll see you tomorrow then. Make sure you lock all the doors and don't let 
anyone outside the family know you're home alone."
Bobby cocked his head and gave his sister a look. "I'm not twelve, Sis."
"I know you aren't." Walking over to him, Laura put her hands on his shoulders 
and smiled thoughtfully. "But no matter how old you get, you're always going to 
be my little brother and I'm going to worry about you, okay?" she asked, 
reaching out and mussing up his already unkempt blond hair. "But you win. I'll 
see you tomorrow. Drive carefully."
"I always do."
"That's why you already have one speeding ticket. I managed to avoid one of 
those until I was twenty."
"What can I say Sis?" he said with a grin. "I guess I just developed faster than 
you did." He pulled the keys out of his pocket. "I'll bring Mom's afghan 
tomorrow."
"Good idea. I'm sure she'd be happy to have something familiar here with her." 
Laura patted his arm and watched her younger brother turn and leave the waiting 
room. Turning to Crystal, she nodded and they too headed home.
Daylight started to lighten the sky outside, seeping into Crystal's room as if 
to taunt the young woman with the fact that sleep refused to come to her. With 
an annoyed groan she rolled over in her bed and reached for the ashtray and 
cigarettes sitting on the night stand. Might as well give up on that, she 
thought sourly as she put the cigarette to her mouth and lit it. After coming 
home from the hospital, Crystal had spent the better part of an hour sitting on 
the couch while Laura moved about the living room, cleaning things that didn't 
need to be cleaned and talking nonstop about her mother. Good thing she's into 
keeping the place clean or it'd never get done. Damned if I'd spend the time 
polishing the legs of the coffee table. It's not like dust ever has a chance to 
settle around here with her constant cleaning. Still despite the lack of sleep 
Crystal felt surprising good. Laura's mother was ill but while serious, it 
seemed to be something the doctors were confident could be brought under 
control. Taking a long drag, Crystal stared at the abstract painting on the 
wall. I still don't see what Laura sees in that thing. The painting appeared to 
be nothing more than several brightly colored brush strokes forming a starburst 
pattern. A five year old could do something like that. Crystal continued to gaze 
at the painting while her cigarette burned down, reflecting back on the events 
of the previous evening. She understood the need to drive Laura to the hospital, 
her roommate being far to upset to have been able to do it herself but was 
confused Crystal was that Jenny was never called. She had been certain that 
Laura would have called her ex-lover for support immediately. It's not like I 
was that much help. I was just…there. Crystal shrugged, not understanding how 
that could possibly have helped Laura. Still, she was glad that she had been 
able to give at least some comfort to her roommate.
Stubbing the cigarette out in the ashtray, Crystal left the bed and headed for 
the bathroom. If I can't sleep I might as well get up. As she made her way to 
the bathroom, she wondered idly if Laura would remember there was a softball 
game today. Not that we'll be going. I wonder what time she wants to head up to 
the hospital. Then the thought came to her that perhaps Laura wouldn't be 
needing her company today. Quickly taking care of her most urgent need of the 
morning, namely getting rid of all the coffee and hot chocolate she had drunk 
the night before that now sat uncomfortably in her bladder, Crystal made sure 
the door was locked and turned on the shower. Pulling back the clear shower 
curtain, she noted once again how it never seemed to cloud up with soap scum. I 
bet she scrubs it down after each shower, she thought as she stepped under the 
warm spray.
Knowing Laura was sound asleep and likely to stay that way for a while, Crystal 
indulged herself with an extra long shower, letting the warm drops of water 
cascade down her body. While enjoying the steady spray, Crystal's curiosity got 
the best of her and she reached for the multi-head shower nozzle. A quick turn 
and the water changed from its gentle spray to a hard pulsating burst. "Ooh," 
she yelped, reaching up to protect her nipples from the stinging water. "I won't 
do that again." Turning around to let the water massage her back, Crystal 
enjoyed the luxury for a few minutes more before rinsing off and stepping onto 
the fuzzy blue mat. The shower had been invigorating but she learned her lesson 
and vowed not to play with the nozzle again…at least not while it was pointed at 
sensitive areas of her body. "Shit." There was no need to look around for her to 
know that in her tired state she had forgotten to bring any clean clothes in 
with her. The panties she had worn into the bathroom were now draped over the 
shower rod. At least Laura's still sleeping. Throwing the towel over the shower 
rod, she ran the brush through her hair and studied her reflection in the 
mirror, noting with some disappointment that her breasts didn't appear to be 
quite as perky as they usually were. Great, I'm starting to sag at twenty five, 
she thought glumly. Makes sense, they're too big to stay up there forever. 
Leaning forward, she peered into the reflection, looking at her forehead and 
around her eyes for wrinkles. Finding none and feeling rather foolish for even 
looking, Crystal quickly finished brushing her hair and teeth. In the process of 
returning the toothbrush to its holder, Crystal's eyes fell upon the shell 
shaped soap dish. "Ah hell," she muttered. She had somehow managed to splash 
some water onto the dish and the three rose shaped scented soaps nestled within 
it. Jerking her towel off the rod, she quickly dried the soaps and dish, taking 
care when putting the soaps back that the now rounded side faced down. Why the 
hell does she have soap in the bathroom if no one is supposed to use it? If she 
just wanted the scent she could have put an air freshener in here. It was just 
another tolerable annoyance that the roommates shared. Laura didn't like the 
clear shower curtain or the way Crystal used the shower rod as a drying rack for 
her underwear and she didn't like the 'do not use' soaps, the fuzzy seat cover 
or the hard as sandpaper toilet paper her dark haired roommate insisted on 
buying. You have your quirks and I have mine, Crystal thought as she placed the 
last soap in the dish. It's just that mine aren't as annoying as yours. Tossing 
the towel haphazardly over the shower rod, she opened the door and glanced to 
the left to make sure Laura's bedroom door was shut before she darted bare assed 
back to her own room.
Exhausted from being up most of the night not to mention being scared out of her 
mind over her mother, Laura wasn't surprised when she finally opened her eyes 
and saw it was almost noon. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she rose and 
ungracefully made her way to the bathroom. She absently pulled the damp towel 
and underwear off the shower rod and draped them over the sink, the action now 
part of her morning routine since Crystal was the first to get up in the 
morning. Turning the faucets until the shower was just the right temperature, 
Laura noted the pulsating bursts and looked at it thoughtfully, realizing who 
had changed the pattern. That's the first time she's ever done that. A horribly 
prurient thought crossed her mind. And just what were you doing in here? Setting 
the dial to spray, Laura stepped under the water and reached for the soap, a 
silly smirk still on her lips.
Half an hour later, Laura made her way down the stairs. Having not bothered to 
use the hair dryer, her dark hair hung limply around her head, stopping just 
below the jaw line in the front and the base of her head in the back. A pleasant 
aroma passed under her nose and she smiled. "Hmm, what smells so good?" she 
asked, knowing Crystal was in the kitchen. Sure enough, Laura was answered by a 
bright and chipper voice.
"I found a waffle maker and the instructions was on the side of the box," 
Crystal said, giving Laura a cheerful smile. "I heard you turn on the shower and 
figured you might be hungry."
"Thank you very much," Laura answered, eyeing the stack of waffles sitting on 
the plate and realizing that she was indeed hungry. "I can't remember the last 
time someone made me breakfast." After giving it some quick thought, she 
realized none too happily that Jenny had been the last one to spend the night 
and surprise her with breakfast. That had been over three years ago and Laura 
briefly wondered where the time had gone. Locked upstairs in front of that 
computer and writing all the time, a voice inside answered.
"Your sex life's as dull as mine, huh?" Crystal said with a smirk, drawing Laura 
back from her thoughts. "Dunno why with all those women fawning over you." 
Crystal turned away to remove the next set of waffles from the hot iron. 
Laura looked at her thoughtfully. "Guess I haven't really been looking for a 
while." Leaning an elbow against the counter, she reached for the coffee pot, 
pouring the hot liquid into a nearby mug. "I haven't thought about it in a while 
either." Lost in her thoughts, Laura didn't notice when Crystal went to the 
refrigerator and returned with the container of milk. "Oh, thanks," she said 
when finally realized, holding her mug out. "That's enough."
"Sit down and relax." Crystal motioned at the table. "I'll take care of it. The 
paper's there." Laura nodded and walked over the table, settling down into the 
chair and bringing the mug to her lips. Watching over the brim of the mug, Laura 
let her thoughts go in random directions while she gazed upon the woman moving 
about the kitchen. After their time of living together, Laura understood more 
and more about her beautiful but troubled roommate. She understood now that 
Crystal was very much a loner who felt the pain of loneliness profoundly. When 
the blonde first moved in, Laura saw the hard shell of a woman raised on the 
streets. Time showed the layers hidden beneath the shell. At times Laura 
glimpsed the confused teen reaching out for protection from those that should 
have been doing the protecting and her heart ached for the young girl who never 
received the love she so desperately needed. But last night and this morning 
were showing yet another layer to Crystal. Laura felt the caring in the way she 
had been held during her crying jag, the gentle hugs that seemed to happen just 
when she needed them, the coffee and waffles waiting for her. When Crystal set 
the plate and syrup on the table, Laura stood up and wrapped her arms around the 
younger woman.
"Thank you so much for being there for me last night," Laura whispered into the 
blonde hair. "It means a great deal to me and I just want you to know I 
appreciate it." Pulling back slightly but maintaining her hold, Laura looked 
into blue eyes intently. "Not everyone can spend most of the night sitting 
around in a hospital just to give a friend moral support."
Crystal's small smile seemed forced and Laura found the young woman couldn't 
maintain the direct eye contact. "Yeah well," the blonde said as she pulled 
away, "You've been there for me. It's the least I could do. You'd better eat 
before they get cold."
Seeing her friend's discomfort, Laura gave Crystal a reassuring smile and 
resumed her seat. The writer barely got the first bite into her mouth before her 
eyes closed and she gave a happy moan. "Oh, this is good." Another bite. "I 
didn't realize how hungry I was."
"Well, you didn't have dinner last night," Crystal pointed out, shaking her head 
when Laura pointed at the stack of waffles. "No thanks. I've been up for a while 
and grabbed something earlier. Oh, by the way, you had a phone call."
"Oh yeah?" Laura used her fork to cut another piece of her waffle. "Who was it?"
"Your Aunt Helen."
Laura's fork stopped halfway to her mouth and she looked at her roommate as if 
the blonde had just said the IRS called to schedule an audit. "Uh…what did she 
say?" she asked with great trepidation. The mention of her mother's eccentric 
sister was never a good thing. Laura remembered many a family get together that 
had her mother and father having words behind closed doors because of something 
Helen said or did.
"She said she'd be at the airport at four twenty. I wrote the flight number 
down. Why are you looking like that?"
Laura had closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, certain she would 
have a migraine before the day was out. "Did she say how long she was staying?"
"No. There was a lot of noise and she had a bit of an accent."
"She's from Boston," Laura said, opening her eyes and staring at the waffle she 
was pushing around her plate. "This is not good," she moaned softly.
"Not exactly a favorite relative?" Crystal ventured.
"I tolerate her," Laura offered grudgingly. "She's a bit…with her, what you see 
is what you get. Aunt Helen doesn't hold anything back and she has an opinion on 
everything." Taking several swallows of coffee, more to collect her thoughts 
than to quench a thirst, Laura continued. "It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't 
against just about everything my parents were for."
"Does she get along with your mother at all?" Crystal asked.
"If they haven't seen each other in a long time, then yes for a little while 
they'll get along fine. They'll catch up on what's been going on with each other 
and then share the gossip about the rest of the family."
"That's not so bad."
Laura lifted her head. "No, that part's fine. It's when Mom nags Aunt Helen 
about her drinking or smoking or her endless stream of boyfriends or her quote 
unquote loose life," Laura made quote marks with her fingers. "Then they start 
going at it. When Dad was alive the three of them would always get into these 
huge debates about everything under the sun and then some. Last time she visited 
she told Mom she refused to stay at her house anymore." Her eyes widened at the 
horrid thought that came to her mind. "Oh God, I hope she's forgotten about 
that. She's not staying here. I'll go find a hotel."
"Ooh, she's really that bad, huh?" Crystal shook her head. "And I thought I 
drove you nuts. She must be something if she's worse than the roommate from 
hell." Startled by the comment, Laura looked over to see the blonde shrugging 
her shoulders. "I heard you talking to someone on the phone," Crystal revealed.
"I…" Laura looked down at her plate, truly regretful that the young woman had 
heard those words come from her. "I haven't said that in a while. Not the last 
few weeks at least."
Crystal shook her head dismissively. "Don't worry about it. You had a right to 
bitch. It's gotta be hard to live with someone who's…"
"Such a slob?" Laura offered, earning a wry smile from her roommate.
"I was going to say someone who is so different from you," Crystal finished, 
looking at her pointedly. "It ain't easy living with Miss Prim and Proper but 
hey, we're getting there." She didn't appear as hurt by the overheard comment as 
Laura thought she would be and the writer decided Crystal must have forgiven her 
for it already.
"That's true," Laura agreed, at least to the getting there part. "I've been told 
there's nothing that with tolerance and patience can't be worked through if 
people are willing to work hard enough for it. Who knows, we could end up being 
the best of friends someday."
"Now let's not push it," Crystal warned jokingly, seeming much more relaxed and 
amiable than usual. "I still think you're a pain in the ass about everything 
being so spic and span." She rose to her feet and patted her pants pocket. "It's 
time for me to go catch a butt. Be back in a few minutes and if you want, I'll 
go with you to the hospital again. Bobby called too and he said he'd meet you 
there."
"Guess I was the last one out of bed this morning," Laura said. "Sure, you can 
come along if you feel like it. You'll have to ride with me to the airport to 
pick her up later though."
"No prob, from what she sounds like, it oughta be fun to meet her. Back in a 
few." With that Crystal opened the screen door and stepped outside to have a 
cigarette.
Laura turned her attention back to the plate of waffles in front of her although 
her appetite lessened with the mention of her troublesome aunt. She hoped Helen 
would be more concerned about how her own sister was doing than in bringing up 
any of the six thousand topics that invariably led to a verbal war. Who called 
her? she wondered. Probably Grandma Betty. Helen was one person who Laura 
couldn't reach the first time she made her calls, frustrated that her aunt's 
voice mail was filled up and she unable to leave a message. What's the point of 
having something take messages for you if you don't check it once in a while? 
Then again, maybe she does get that many calls a day. Laura mentally renewed her 
private plea not to have her aunt remember the fight about staying at the house 
and want to stay here instead. To Laura's dismay, a twinge in her temple 
signaled a headache on its way and the writer seriously doubted if it would be a 
good day at all.
Bobby had been waiting for them at the hospital, an amused expression on his 
youthful face. "'Bout time you got here. Mom thought you weren't showing up."
"She's awake?" Laura asked as they approached. Her brother was standing in the 
hall outside of her mother's room.
"Yes I am," her mother called out. Laura spared a quick glance at Crystal and 
entered the room, greeting her mother and apologizing for not being there 
sooner. She was sorely disappointed to find that her brother and Crystal had not 
followed her in, forcing her to deal with her alert and from the expression on 
her face, agitated mother.
"How are you feeling? You gave us all quite a scare."
Gail Taylor waved her hand dismissively, not caring that the intravenous tubes 
were attached to it. "You can't get rid of me that easily. I plan on being 
around to aggravate you for quite a while." Despite the bravado being shown, 
Laura was certain her mother had been shaken up more than was being let on.
"Has the doctor been in to see you yet?"
"Oh yes, that's all they've been doing. The nurses wake me up at all hours to 
take my blood pressure and I've seen a doctor from just about every department 
so far." The older woman held her hand out, showing a very distinct indentation 
around the base of the third finger. "They had to cut my rings off because of 
all the swelling," Gail said solemnly. "Those rings never left my hand since 
your father put them on there thirty years ago."
"I'm sure we can get them repaired," Laura offered.
"That's not the point," her mother said sharply. "Doctor Stevens said this could 
happen again. He wants me to get one of those panic buttons you wear around your 
neck that alerts the ambulance."
The thought her mother could need such a device scared Laura more than wanted to 
admit. It was bad enough her mother looked so puffy, cheekbones practically 
nonexistent in roundness of her face. That such a thing could happen again with 
little to no warning downright terrified her. "Mom…" Laura took a deep breath.
"Oh no you don't," Gail shook her head vehemently. "This may be serious but I'm 
not going into some kind of nursing home."
"I wasn't going to say that," Laura replied although if forced to admit it the 
thought had crossed her mind. "But you should consider maybe having an aide come 
in to help you. I don't want you to exert yourself."
"Nonsense. You are only a phone call away and I know how to dial 911."
"But what if you fall and can't get to the phone?"
"You make me sound like your grandmother. I'm not helpless, Laura." The 
tiredness was beginning to show on Gail's face. "Now let's just drop it. The 
doctors say I'll be out of here by the end of the week. We'll see how things are 
then."
Laura nodded, not wanting to upset her mother and not in the mood to push the 
point. "I can always come stay with you until you feel better if you want." To 
anyone else, it would seem the most natural of offers but to the strong willed 
Taylor women, it was a magnanimous offer to the extreme. Laura loved her mother 
deeply and the feeling was mutual but there was only so long they could be in 
other's company. The thought reminded her of the relative currently flying in 
the skies overhead. "Um, Mom…did Bobby tell you who was coming?"
"Not Helen?" her mother asked hopefully. Laura nodded, wishing silently her 
brother would stop sneaking off to have a cigarette with her roommate and get 
back in here. "She's not staying at my house," Gail said firmly. "I'm too tired 
out to put up with her."
"You won't be getting out of here few at least a week or so, right?"
"When I do I don't want to put up with her," her mother insisted. "There's 
plenty of hotels here. Let her stay at one of them." Gail huffed and her face 
showed the effort she was making. Alarmed, Laura reached for the call button 
only to be waved off. "No, there's no need for that. I'm just getting tired so 
easily now."
Relieved but still concerned, Laura pulled her hand back, letting it wrap around 
the bed railing instead. "All right," she said, not wishing to upset her mother 
any further. "I'll find her somewhere else to stay." Moving up to the head of 
the bed, she reached over and adjusted the pillow behind her mother's head. "Is 
that better?"
"Much." Gail favored her daughter with an approving smile that seemed odd on 
familiar features puffed by the edema. "You always were a good girl."
"I had good parents," Laura countered, patting her mother's shoulder before 
moving back to a position where they could see each other. "You may not have 
always agreed with everything I've done but you've supported and loved me." To 
Laura's surprise, she thought of Crystal and a shot of empathy went through her, 
wishing her roommate could have grown up with parents as good as her own. "I 
love you Mom," she said, giving her mother's hand a squeeze.
"All right, enough with the mushy stuff," Bobby said as he entered the room. 
Behind him Laura could see Crystal standing awkwardly out in the hall and waved 
her in as well.
"It's about time you came back," his mother admonished before giving Crystal a 
glance. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," Crystal replied politely. "I hope you're feeling better."
"Much better," Gail answered, pausing to take a few breaths. Laura decided her 
mother needed to rest…and she needed to deal with the relative who would be 
arriving soon.
"Mom, we're going to leave and let you get some rest," she said, pulling the 
blanket up around her mother's shoulders. "You relax and get your rest. I'll be 
back later."
"I suppose you'll be bringing Helen with you," her mother said grumpily as she 
settled back against her pillow.
"Mom, do you think I have a choice?" she asked, finishing her tucking of the 
blanket around her mother and straightening up. "We'll see you later." Laura 
bent down to give her mother a quick kiss on the forehead before stepping back 
so Bobby could say his good-byes.
The airport traffic was thick with minivans and cars all battling for places to 
park while cabs continually tried to weave through the slow moving vehicles. "I 
hate coming here," Laura said as yet another cab took advantage of the safety 
buffer she allowed herself between cars to wedge themselves through.
"I'm surprised he didn't take the paint off," Crystal said, giving the yellow 
cab in front of them a dirty glare. "What moron designed this place anyway?"
"I'm sure no one moron is responsible." Spotting the sign ahead for short term 
parking, Laura quickly checked the side view mirror before pulling into the left 
lane. "No doubt this was caused by a committee."
"A committee on some heavy drugs," Crystal commented. "Look, there's a spot."
"Naw, too close to the door. It has to be a handicapped spot." As they 
approached, a blue design painted on the ground confirmed the writer's 
suspicions. It took three more passes of short term parking before Crystal 
spotted a car just leaving and they were finally able to secure a space.
"This is insane," the blonde grumbled. "I knew there was a reason I never flew 
anywhere. It's not the plane it's the damn airport."
"This is the easy part," Laura said, turning the key in the lock and activating 
her seldom used alarm system. "We have to find out which gate she's arriving at. 
She only told me which flight she was on." They made their way through the 
parking lot only to be stopped by the steady flow of two lanes of traffic that 
refused to stop long enough for the m to cross. Laura suffered through some more 
colorful phrases from her aggravated roommate before they finally saw a break in 
the traffic and darted to the main terminal.
Brightly lit signs and the endless stream of people created a dizzying array of 
colors and noise. Laura paused at the directory long enough to get her bearings, 
disappointed to see the gate they needed was at the other end of the terminal. 
Crystal's temper was apparently short flared and if one more person bumped the 
blonde woman, Laura worried there would be more than just an exchange of 
gestures and insults. By the time they arrived at the gate, Crystal was clearly 
agitated and absently reaching for her cigarettes. "That's right," she said in a 
frustrated tone. "Can't smoke in here." With an aggravated sigh Crystal flopped 
down in the low backed plastic chair. Laura took the seat next to her, noting 
the area beginning to fill up with people waiting for the incoming flight.
"Afraid not," Laura said gently. Without thought she reached over and rested her 
hand on Crystal's shoulder, slightly hurt when she felt the flinch beneath her 
fingers. Wondering briefly if she should remove it before discarding the notion, 
the writer let her hand slide down, lightly rubbing Crystal's upper back. When 
her actions were not rebuked, Laura altered her motion, letting her fingers 
slide back and forth in a lazy arc, feeling the tension and tightness in the 
muscles beneath the skin. "It looks like we're about fifteen minutes early," she 
said, never ceasing in the gentle motion of her hand on Crystal's back. There 
had been a stiffness when she had first placed her hand but Laura suspected that 
was more of an automatic reaction on the younger woman's part to being touched.
"I'll let you bring her back to the airport on your own," Crystal said, although 
her tone was definitely less agitated than it had been. "I'm not going through 
that mess again."
"How do you think we're going to be getting out here?" Laura queried in a 
teasing tone. "The car isn't going to come to us." Crystal seemed to think about 
that problem and frowned even more. Laura tried hard not to smirk but the pout 
on her roommate's face was too cute for her to keep a straight face.
"Smart ass," Crystal grumbled.
"Just pointing out facts, my friend. Don't forget Helen will probably have three 
or four suitcases with her."
"What's she doing, moving here?"
Laura smiled at that, her aunt notorious for having more luggage than any one 
person could ever need no matter how long the trip. "Let's just hope she's 
planning on staying for a few days. Any more than that and we'll need to use one 
of those valet carts."
"What we?" the blonde asked dryly. "She's your relative."
"That's fine. You can keep up with her and let her talk your ear off. I don't 
mind."
"I get the feeling I'm going to regret tagging along with you today, aren't I?" 
Crystal asked cautiously, fearing that indeed would be the case.
Part 12
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L

*****************

When the plane finally landed and passengers started to stream into the gate, 
there was no doubt to Crystal who Helen was. Dressed in brightly colored silks 
with a matching hat, Helen Chick stood out in a crowd. Laura nodded at Crystal's 
observation and waved to get the flamboyant woman's attention.
"Ooh Laura Elizabeth!" Helen exclaimed, her voice carrying over the throngs of 
people between them. Waving her hand excitedly, she forced her way through the 
crowd and wrapped Laura up in what appeared to Crystal to be a very painful bear 
hug.
"Aunt Helen, how are you?" Laura asked after taking a moment to get the air back 
into her lungs.
"Oh, I'm the same as always, pumpkin. Busy, busy, busy all the time."
Crystal's eyebrows rose at the pet name her roommate was called, fully planning 
on teasing the writer at a later time. Realizing that she was now the focus of 
attention, she held her hand out. "I'm Crystal, Laura's roommate."
"Of course you are," Helen said excitedly, pulling Crystal into a crushing hug. 
"What a pretty little thing you are." Too shocked to resist, Crystal allowed 
herself to be held at arms length. Closer now, she could see Laura's aunt 
clearly. Beneath the brightly colored hat was a mass of platinum hair 
surrounding a face that Crystal doubted ever saw daylight without makeup. Indeed 
now she could easily see the layers of base and shadow that created the image 
Helen Chick presented to the world.
"Uh…thank you," Crystal stammered, looking over to Laura for help.
"Aunt Helen, she's…" Laura began.
"Now let's get out of here before we spend an hour waiting at the light," Helen 
said, cutting off her niece. "I absolutely loathe this airport."
Crystal didn't know what loathe meant but from the look of distaste on Helen's 
face, she got the general idea. Of course there was the other idea she figured 
out from the earlier comment. Helen thought there was more than a roommate 
situation going on. However, since they were now moving toward the luggage claim 
area and Helen had gone on to list off the many things that were wrong with the 
local airport, Crystal decided to let the confusion over the living arrangements 
slide for the time being. Draped over Helen's arm was a carry on bag done in 
rich leather with gold trim. Crystal was dismayed to see a multitude of matching 
bags moving in a lazy circle on the baggage claim belt. She was certain it would 
never all fit in the Jeep and wondered if Laura had thought to bring cords to 
use for the luggage rack. After pulling one bag, however, Crystal was more 
concerned about her back surviving the task of getting them onto the baggage 
cart much less on top of the Jeep. Helen apparently packed everything short of 
the kitchen sink when she traveled but didn't concern herself with the weight of 
the bags, Crystal noted sourly as Helen spent her time pointing out which bags 
were hers and instructing Laura on which order they were to be stacked on the 
cart.
The instant they stepped into the warm August air, Crystal reached to her pocket 
for her cigarettes. Before it lit, however, a cloud of smoke blew past her, 
Helen apparently faster on the draw when it came to lighters. Crystal finished 
getting her cigarette lit and was stuffing the lighter back into her pocket when 
Helen yelped loud enough to startle her.
"You're a smoker too?" That earned the blonde a hearty slap on the back.
Damn she's strong. "Yeah," Crystal choked.
"No smoking in my car,' Laura said firmly, stopping the cart just behind her 
Jeep. "Any preference on hotels?"
"Now there's no reason I should put out good money on a hotel…especially in this 
little city," Helen said. "Your mother has plenty of room in her drafty old 
house."
Crystal, who by that time was negotiating two suitcases off the rack while 
holding her cigarette precariously between her teeth, noted the way Laura 
stiffened.
"Mom wants you to stay in a hotel. I guess she's not over what you said about 
the house last time."
"Nonsense. I come all this way to see her and she doesn't even have the decency 
to open her home to me? No pumpkin, the larger valet goes on the bottom."
"I thought this was the largest one," Laura grumbled, pulling it back out of the 
Jeep, only then noting the larger one Crystal was wheeling over to her. "You 
can't stay at Mom's house," she repeated.
"Hrmpf, fine." Helen crossed her arms, her cigarette sending little tendrils of 
smoke skyward. "If she wants to be like that, that's just fine by me. At least 
you have the manners not to throw a relation out on the street."
Crystal was trying hard not to become part of the conversation but found herself 
unable to keep her head from snapping up at that. It didn't take a rocket 
scientist to figure out where Helen was leading. "Uh, Laura?"
"You still have that townhouse near the lake?" Helen went on, oblivious to the 
looks the younger women were sharing. "I bet that's such a pretty sight now that 
the leaves are starting to turn."
"Aunt Helen, we don't have the room for company."
"Oh it'll be just like when you used to come for visits in the summer," Helen 
said with a dismissive wave. "Now let's get these loaded so I can see just what 
Gail has done to herself this time. Since you don't seem to be that upset I can 
only assume she's going to be fine."
"With time and medication, yes," Laura began. "But you just can't stay with us."
"Now my little Laura," Helen said as if speaking to a child. "Don't you remember 
when I came to visit and you and I had that nice long chat about your 
'roommate'? There's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"I'm not that kind of roommate," Crystal finally spoke up. "I really do have a 
room of my own."
"Oh." Helen frowned and Crystal was sure that would be end of that subject but 
then the flamboyant woman found her own solution. "Well you at least have a 
couch, don't you?" The older woman laughed heartily. "I promise not to bring any 
young men home with me."
Crystal looked to Laura only to see her usually self-assured roommate slump her 
shoulders in defeat. Guess we have company for a few days. Looking at the pile 
of luggage still waiting to be secured in or on the Jeep, the blonde had to just 
hope it was only a few days and not a few months.
In the end it was decided by Laura that Helen would take her room and she would 
use the couch, her manners refusing to allow her to do anything less for a 
guest, no matter how grating on the nerves the guest was. Helen took the 
passenger seat and promptly claimed control over the radio on the way home. 
Disco tunes spilled out of the speakers while Helen jabbered endlessly to Laura 
about the various relatives and what they were doing. Doing her best to stay 
away from either rear speaker, Crystal found herself sitting in the middle of 
the back seat and unable to miss various snippets of conversation. It certainly 
wasn't hard since Helen insisted on speaking louder than the music instead of 
turning the volume down to a more humane level. The image of Laura's family as 
being squeaky clean and perfect quickly flew from Crystal's mind as Helen went 
on.
"And the fool probably would have gotten away with it if he didn't sneeze while 
hiding in that storm drain," Laura's aunt said, finishing a story about one of 
the cousins. "He's lucky he only received probation."
"Uh huh," Laura said absently, her eyes on apparently most of her attention on 
the road. Helen turned to Crystal.
"So tell me is my niece still completely anal about keeping her house clean?"
"Um…" Realizing she was a trapped audience, Crystal took a deep breath and 
surrendered. "Yeah."
"She needs to let her hair down and live a little," the older woman continued. 
"She's far too stuffy. Maybe we can get her to break out of her shell while I'm 
here. How does that sound?"
Oh please just come and take me now, Crystal silently prayed, visions of being 
dragged to bingo and museums passing through her mind. "Well, it depends on what 
Laura wants to do," she finally said. "I work a lot so I might not be able to go 
with you two." Please make all your plans for the weekdays. I hope Michael has 
lots of overtime.
"Nonsense," Helen replied. "We'll make sure to find the time."
Crystal frowned, realizing Helen was the type of person who never took no for an 
answer. "How long are you staying?"
"I suppose a week or so. We'll see. I hate to set dates."
The answer did nothing to make Crystal feel better.
**************
"She's driving me nuts," Crystal growled, flopping atop the beanbag. "Have you 
ever met this kook?"
Jenny, who had spent the better part of the week listening to Laura rant on the 
phone about the free spirited aunt who turned their home upside down, was ready 
for some type of complaint from Crystal but not quite the one she received. 
There was barely a hello before the younger woman shoved the composition book 
into her hands and began ranting about Laura's aunt. "What is she doing that is 
making you so upset?"
"Everything," Crystal huffed, using her fingers to straighten out her disarrayed 
hair. "I thought Laura was annoying at times but this woman takes the damn cake. 
You know how Laura always gets the answer to every question on the game shows?"
Jenny nodded, a trait she was familiar with. "And that annoys you?"
"Not as much as when Helen the human encyclopedia does it. The question asked 
which dam, not when it was built and its life history. So Laura says Hoover and 
Helen goes off on how it created Boulder City and she just kept going on and 
on." Crystal's dander was getting up and stopping was out of the question. "It 
was like no matter what Laura said, she had to add to it until they end up in 
this long drawn out conversation about something that has nothing to do with the 
question they asked in the first place. She's driving Laura nuts." Crystal shot 
a glance at Jenny. "Yeah, I know, we can't talk about Laura."
Jenny nodded and opened the composition book. "So it's been quite a busy week at 
home."
"Home, work, everything." Slumping down to make the beanbag more of a pillow 
than a seat, Crystal laced her fingers behind her head and stared off at 
nothing. "It's not enough Laura has to deal with her mother who keeps getting 
more bitchy each day she has to stay at the hospital but Helen's driving her up 
the wall." Apparently the rule forbidding Laura being a topic of conversation 
was forgotten by Crystal and Jenny hesitated in interrupting what was one of the 
longest trains of thought her patient had revealed to date. "I bet she's not 
getting much writing done even with the computer down in the living room now. I 
don't hear her typing and it's right below my room." The anger and agitation 
present in Crystal's voice when she first entered the room were gone, replaced 
by a much softer and reflective tone. "You know I never thought of that?" She 
smiled. "The bathroom is between our rooms but when we both have the doors to 
the balcony open, I can hear her typing."
"Why do you think you listen for her typing?" Jenny prodded.
"I dunno." Crystal gave a familiar shrug. "I guess it just reminds me that she's 
right there."
"Like your sister was right in the next room when you were growing up?"
"Kinda but not quite." The blonde stretched her legs out and crossed her ankles. 
"It's different than when I would listen for Patty. I can't explain it."
Jenny, skimming through the notebook while Crystal was talking, looked up. "Do 
you want to talk about this dream?"
Surprise crossed Crystal's face, followed quickly by a frown. "Not really. I 
don't know why I bothered writing about it. It's no big deal."
"This is the first time you've ever mentioned having an erotic dream," the 
therapist pointed out. "The fact you woke up during the foreplay aside, I do 
think it is significant. Have you had these dreams before?"
"I'm not gonna talk about my sex life, or lack of it, with you," Crystal said 
firmly, setting her jaw and crossing her arms over her chest. "Let's talk about 
something else."
"You want to move onto a safer topic, hmm? All right. Did you go to the meeting 
Tuesday night?" Crystal's frown and refusal to respond gave Jenny her answer. "I 
see. These sessions are a tool designed to help you, Crystal. I wouldn't 
recommend them if I didn't think they'd be helpful to you."
"I don't need to sit around and listen to someone else's sad story," the blonde 
grumbled. "Besides, I was busy with Laura and that nut aunt of hers."
Jenny let the comment pass, refusing to take the bait and return to the taboo 
topic. "You're never too busy to take care of yourself and that's what the 
women's group meetings are. I can't force you to go but I strongly suggest you 
do."
"Yes Mother," came the acerbic reply, followed by a snort. "Actually if you were 
my mother you'd be too drunk to notice if I did something or not." There was a 
long silence before Crystal continued. "Not that she'd notice anything Patty did 
more than me or anything but it was like we'd show her something we did at 
school and she'd just ignore us."
"She didn't find the same things important that you did," Jenny said. "And how 
did that make you feel?"
"Patty and me hated it of course."
"No. Not how did Patty feel. How did it make you feel when you came home with 
something you wanted your mother to praise you for and it didn't happen?"
Crystal thought about it for a moment, opening her mouth to say something then 
closing it without making a sound. A small smile curled the edge of her lip. "I 
was going to say pissed off but I guess I really felt hurt." Her hands returned 
to their previous position behind her head. "It hurt that everyone else went 
home to moms who loved them and paid attention to them and mine didn't." Crystal 
took a deep breath. "I don't know why." Words long kept inside came out with a 
wavering voice, her eyes refusing to move from their inspection of the ceiling. 
"I came home with first place in art and she threw it out. I got a ninety five 
on one of the pretests and Laura hung it up on the refrigerator." Crystal's eyes 
blinked rapidly, trying hard to stave off the moisture welling up within them. 
"You know how they say you don't know what you've got until it's gone?"
"Yes?"
Crystal sniffed. "Well, I guess it's true then that you don't know what you're 
missing until it shows up."
"Meaning?" Jenny pushed.
"Meaning…" Sitting up, Crystal brought her knees up and rested her forearms on 
them. "Since Patty, there hasn't ever been anyone until now that I felt cared 
about me." Emotions flickered over Crystal's face as she tried to make sense of 
her jumbled thoughts. "I've had friends but never anyone close, not like Laura 
has been." The young woman gave a short laugh and looked over at Jenny. "I've 
forgotten what it's like for someone to actually give a damn about me. To pay 
attention to what's going on in my life. To…"
"To have someone put your test up on the refrigerator," Jenny finished.
"How stupid is that?" Crystal asked. "I let myself get all mushy over something 
like Laura putting that test up." She wiped her eyes although no tears managed 
to fall.
"It's been a long time since someone gave notice to your abilities and 
accomplishments." Jenny set the notebook aside and leaned forward. "It's been a 
long time since you've let anyone get close enough to you to care for you. You 
hide in that turtle shell thinking trying to keep everyone on the outside but 
you know deep inside that shell it's a lonely place."
"But I don't get hurt in my shell," Crystal countered without much enthusiasm.
"If you don't let yourself open up to being hurt, you can't enjoy the pleasures 
of being loved. It's a risk you take when you decide to live instead of just 
existing."
"How the hell did you get me on this topic anyway," Crystal grumbled. "We 
started out talking about what a pain in the ass Laura's aunt is."
"And you were angry when you came in the door. Now you're calm. Amazing what 
happens when you open up to someone, isn't it?" Jenny smiled, ignoring the 
harmless glare being directed at her. "So you want to talk about your temporary 
houseguest."
"Houseguest from hell," Crystal clarified, reminded of the fact that Laura used 
to call her the roommate from hell when they first started living together. "You 
know how Laura's a neat freak. Helen makes me look like Laura. I swear she can't 
enter a room without making it look like a hurricane came through. At least with 
Laura I know where something is. You know she used my mug?"
"Who used your mug?"
"Helen." Crystal sat up and looked at Jenny. "No one uses that mug but me."
"Did she know it was your mug?"
"How could she not?" came the reply. Crystal took the use of her mug by someone 
else as a personal affront and Jenny's calm manner about it was earning the 
therapist the evil eye. "It was the only mug in there with my name on it."
"I don't remember seeing that there," Jenny remarked.
"Laura bought it for me last week," Crystal said. "Didn't she tell you?"
"I haven't talked to her much since her mother became ill." Thinking about where 
they were, Jenny straightened and cleared her throat. "Gotta watch that line, 
Crystal."
"Yeah well it's kinda hard when I can't talk about the person I spend the most 
time with," the blonde complained. Deciding that her point was made, Crystal 
returned to the real topic. "So she has no respect for my mug or even for things 
that Laura likes. She used those rose shaped soaps because she said she didn't 
like the scent of the bar soap." She shook her head. "She's loud and doesn't 
give a shit what she says about anything."
"You know." This time the therapist could not contain her smirk. "It seems to me 
that just two weeks ago you were bitching about those very soaps and how much of 
a…let me the quote right here…pain in the ass Laura was about them."
Crystal flushed slightly and lowered her head in acknowledgment. "Yeah well that 
was before Laura told me about where she got them and how it made her feel to go 
in there and smell the scents."
Now Jenny was smiling in the smug way she always did when she finally had 
Crystal steered down the path she wanted. "Tolerance and understanding made the 
difference. You couldn't stand certain things about living with another person 
but as time goes by not only do you learn to accept the differences but now you 
even appreciate some of them."
Crystal made no objection to the statement, merely shrugging her shoulders 
noncommittally. "She's not so bad. Once you get past the neat freak part, that 
is. You just gotta know her, that's all."
"I suspect many people you meet will fall into the same category," Jenny said. 
"There are some very good people out there if you care to open your eyes."
Crystal's face took on a faraway look and Jenny let a few moments go by before 
clearing her throat politely. "Oh, sorry," the blonde said. "I was just thinking 
about something."
"Do share," Jenny encouraged, moving from the couch to the unattended beanbag 
and assuming the same comfortable position Crystal was in, legs and hips on the 
floor, back supported by the beanbag. "It certainly wasn't a bad thought from 
the look on your face."
"I was just remembering once about three years ago when I went out for a ride on 
some back country road. I stopped at a garage sale that looked like every single 
thing there should have been thrown in the dumpster long ago." Crystal's face 
grew animated and she sat up while telling her story. "They had windows with 
broken glass, lamps that didn't work, you name it. If it was junk, they had it. 
So I'm just looking around. I don't know why, I never go to those kinda things."
"I like garage sales," Jenny said. "You never know what you're going to find."
"Exactly," Crystal said enthusiastically. "Well behind all that junk I found a 
box and inside that was a watch, a knife and some tools. Well the whole box was 
marked for five bucks and I just had this feeling so I bought it. I took the 
stuff one by one to the antique stores around and all totaled I got over a 
hundred bucks for everything and I still had some wooden knickknacks from that 
box up until the fire."
"And the lesson to the story is?" Jenny asked in a teasing tone.
"That even if it looks like it's just junk take another look."
"You'll never know where you might find that treasure," the therapist finished. 
Looking at her watch, Jenny frowned. "Well, we've spent enough time talking 
about every subject under the sun. I think it's time we do a little more role 
playing, what do you say?"
"I say what I said last time," Crystal replied, her mood quickly turning 
defiant. Pushing her way back on top of the beanbag, she crossed her arms over 
her chest. "I think it's stupid to pretend about something that'll never 
happen."
"That's what pretend is all about," Jenny said calmly. "There's a safety in 
being able to yell at the person you're angry with without worrying about any 
physical repercussions." This was an on going battle with Jenny to get Crystal 
to feel safe enough to open up and let out some of the rage and hurt that were 
bottled up inside. Despite the attitude being shown at the moment, Jenny felt it 
was still the best time to try.
"I still think this is stupid." Grumbling to herself but loudly enough that 
Jenny could hear her, Crystal walked over to the mat taking up the corner of the 
room behind the beanbags. "All right, so which parent do you want me to be 
pissed off with this time."
"Which one do you feel like yelling at?" the therapist countered, standing just 
a few feet away from her patient.
"I don't feel like yelling at either one of them," Crystal said in a bored tone. 
"They're not worth my energy."
"Neither of them?"
Crystal nodded. "I don't give a shit about either of them. They can both go to 
hell."
"Why?"
"You know why. Because of what they did to me." Crystal became more agitated, 
tapping her foot on the mat and clenching her jaw. "And she was useless."
"Why was your mother useless to you? How did she fail you?" Jenny kept her 
distance but moved until she was facing the very angry woman. "Tell her, 
Crystal."
"She didn't care."
"How. Tell her how," Jenny urged, keeping her voice gentle. "I'm your mother, 
Crystal. Tell me what I did that was so bad to you."
Crystal's respiration increased as did her movements, pacing back and forth in a 
small line. "She didn't wait for us at the bus stop like the other moms did. She 
didn't make us lunches and we had to get the free lunch at school which everyone 
knows is for the poor kids."
"What else?"
A strangled cry broke from Crystal's lips. "What else? You really wanna know?" 
She pushed right in front of Jenny's face, noting the involuntary flinch. "How 
about not making sure the rips in my pants were fixed before I wore them to 
school. How about having dinner that didn't come in a metal tray? I hated 
those!" she said before turned and storming deliberately to where the punching 
bag stood, her back to Jenny. "Would it have killed you to make one fucking 
dinner once in a while?" Crystal's right fist connected solidly with the bag. 
"Would it have been so difficult for you to show up to just one of the open 
houses at school?" A sharp thwack reverberated through the room as the angry 
woman's fist connected again. "Why couldn't you have cared enough about us to 
leave him?"
Jenny sat cross legged down on the mat, letting Crystal release her frustrations 
and rants to the punching bag. She winced at one particularly loud punch and 
knew next time she would have to insist on her patient wearing the boxing 
gloves. The child whose right to be heard had been so long denied roared with a 
vengeance, crying out to whoever would listen of the injustices she had 
suffered. Crystal's raging display lasted for long minutes until the young woman 
slumped to her knees and hung her head. Jenny grabbed some tissues and crossed 
the mat quickly, arriving just Crystal's shoulders began to shake.
"Why?" Crystal sobbed, helplessly clutching herself. "I just don't understand 
why."
Jenny put her hands on the young woman's shoulders, squeezing gently. "You may 
never know why your mother did the things she did, Crystal but at some point you 
have to accept that you can't change what happened."
"No, I can't can I?" Crystal sniffed, taking the offered tissue and wiping her 
face. "But that doesn't make it hurt any less."
"You're right. It doesn't." Jenny said softly. "But when you learn to accept it 
and move on, the pain will lessen. You are a strong woman, Crystal. You can get 
through this."
"It doesn't feel like it." Crystal said with a hitch to her voice. "I…I feel 
like this pain will never go away." The constant tears were ending as were the 
chest heaving sobs. Feeling embarrassed by her emotional display, Crystal took 
the offered tissue and wiped her eyes and face. "So this is how you know it's 
working, Doc?"
"Therapists have a daily quota of patients they have to get to cry," Jenny 
deadpanned. "What can I say? I was behind today."
"Bawling like that should keep your quota filled for the week," Crystal replied, 
giving the smallest of smiles at the joke. Feeling reasonably in control of her 
feelings, she stood up and headed for the recliner.
Jenny remained on the mat, turning around so she could face her patient. "What 
are you feeling right now?"
"Fine," Crystal answered automatically.
"I didn't ask how you felt. I asked what you were feeling. Fine isn't going to 
fit. Try again."
Crystal shot her therapist a glare but it lacked any threat with the red rimmed 
eyes and downcast expression. Shrugging, she tried to find words to put to the 
turmoil spinning inside. "I dunno. Kinda empty, I guess."
"And that will happen," Jenny said gently. "I suspect, however, there is more 
than what you're saying."
Nodding reluctantly, Crystal smiled ruefully. "Guess that's why you're the 
therapist, eh Doc?" With a sigh, she tried to put the jumbled mess into order. 
"Sometimes I wonder what she's doing, if she ever left him. When I was a kid, I 
always thought if she just left him that everything would be all right." She 
gave a snort. "Dreams of kids."
"You're not a kid anymore."
"It doesn't make sense. How can this be? How can I hate her so much one minute 
and wonder what she's doing the next?"
"Perhaps what you felt wasn't hate. People are going to disappoint you. That's 
just a fact of life. When a friend or acquaintance does it, that's one thing but 
when someone close to us fails us, that's much harder to accept."
Crystal looked at Jenny thoughtfully, then nodded. "This ain't gonna be easy, 
Doc."
"I told you growth is a great deal of hard work," Jenny said. "And like it or 
not, you're going to stumble along the way and need guidance. Just don't be 
afraid to reach out when you do."
"Oh hey," Crystal said, noticing the time. "We went over."
"That happens at times," Jenny said, rising to her feet. "Life doesn't always 
fit neatly within an hour." Crystal rose as well but sat down when the therapist 
shook her head. "Not yet. We need to put some closure on this session before you 
leave."
"Oh yippee," the blonde said unenthusiastically. "I love the closure part of our 
time."
"I know you do," Jenny said as she took a seat on the couch. "It's your favorite 
part next to the hug, isn't it?"
"Yeah, a real tossup between the two," Crystal said wryly. "And after this I 
have to stop at the store and pick up some half and half because Helen doesn't 
like milk in her coffee."
"Considering how you were when you first walked through the door I'm sure she's 
very happy you stopped here first."
"Yeah, well…" Crystal shrugged. "I'll deal with her."
"Tolerance and patience, Crystal. Remember that." Jenny settled back and picked 
up her clipboard. "Now let's finish up here so we can both go home."
**************
Crystal didn't have to open the door to easily identify the music blaring 
through the walls. The Jeep was absent which meant only one thing, Helen was 
home alone and Crystal would have to entertain her until Laura returned. With a 
heavy sigh she turned the knob and entered.
Laura had apparently been gone for some time if the hurricane that swept through 
the living room was any indication. Helen was lounged across the couch, remote 
in one hand and the phone in the other. Gum wrappers littered the coffee table 
and loose papers were scattered about. Crystal went straight into the kitchen, 
not wanting to listen to Helen's phone call. Probably another long distance 
call, she thought while putting the creamer into the refrigerator. An almost 
empty six pack of beer caught Crystal's attention. Wait a minute. I had four of 
those left when I went to work this morning. Now fuming, she took the remaining 
bottle for herself and forcefully shut the refrigerator door.
"Oh there you are," Helen called from the doorway. "I saw you come in but I was 
on the phone. Did you remember to get my half and half?"
"It's in the fridge," Crystal replied, leaning against the counter and bringing 
the bottle to her lips. "By the way, the beer you drank was mine."
"Oh it was? Well I am sorry I didn't check. I just assumed it was there for the 
taking." Without the benefit of a hat, Helen's platinum hair stood out almost 
shock straight from her head and Crystal could only wonder if Phyllis Diller had 
been the inspiration for the hairdo.
"I guess you wouldn't know if no one said anything to you," Crystal acquiesced 
reluctantly. "Most everything in the fridge is shared but the beer and those 
health nut things that Laura likes."
"So how was your day today?" Helen asked, crossing the room and settling down at 
the kitchen table.
"It was fine. We finished hanging the drywall on the fourth floor."
"You have to excuse me but you're far too pretty to be playing Rosie the 
riveter. You could be a model."
Crystal took another long pull on her beer, making no effort to leave her 
comfortable space leaning on the counter. "Looks only last for so long. And I 
don't rivet anything. I screw drywall to the framing studs. That's a marketable 
skill in the construction industry."
"Just a little butch if you ask me."
I wasn't asking you, Crystal thought to herself. "Whatever. Where did Laura go?"
"She went to see her mother. I was there this morning but Gail was too busy 
being her usual post menopausal self to have any worthwhile conversation."
"At least she's doing better and you had a chance to see her again."
"Pshaw." Helen waved her hand dismissively. "That battle ax is going to be 
around for a long time to come, just like me. I should have just called to check 
up on her but I was due for a stateside vacation anyway."
"Well I'm sure your sister appreciates you coming so far to see her." Raising 
the bottle to her lips, Crystal was surprised to find it empty. I knew I should 
have bought more when I was at the store.
"Appreciate? Please." Helen made a disgusted look. "That woman hasn't 
appreciated one thing I've done for her in all my life."
"Well, I don't know Mrs. Taylor that well so I can't say anything but I know I'd 
give my right arm to know where my sister is right now." Realizing she said more 
than she wanted to, Crystal set the bottle down on the counter and opened the 
refrigerator. "I'd better get dinner started."
"You don't know where your sister is?" Helen asked. "Did you two have a fight?"
Crystal shook her head. "No. Patty ran away when she was a teenager. I haven't 
seen her since." Pulling the leftover chicken out and setting it on the counter, 
Crystal debated with herself for a moment before turning to face Helen. "You 
know, it's none of my business but Mrs. Taylor is your sister. Don't you care 
anything about her?"
"Of course I do," Helen said, bristling. "That's not the point."
"Then what is the point?" Crystal sighed. "Does it really matter that her house 
has a few drafts or her taste in politics is different than yours? You chose a 
life of parties and people, jetsetting all over the world. She chose a family 
and that is her world. Can't you just accept that you two are different and get 
over it?" Pulling a pan out from under the counter, she set it down with a bang. 
"Don't you think it's scary for her to be stuck in that hospital knowing if her 
son wasn't home she could have died?" The pan of chicken was put into the oven 
none too quietly. "Don't you think Laura is worried and upset over her mother? 
The last thing she needs is to come home and listen to you bring up the same old 
fights over and over again. Does it really matter who is right and who is 
wrong?"
"I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it," Helen said, her tone more 
subdued. "Usually you talk to Laura and then disappear upstairs."
"Yeah well I'm not family so I try to stay out of it unless Laura needs to 
talk."
"Not to mention a certain herb I smell coming out of your room."
Crystal colored slightly. "Yeah well…"
"I've been meaning to ask you about that. It seems I didn't pack any when I 
left."
"Oh." Understanding the hint, Crystal nodded. "I'm only allowed to smoke pot in 
my room. I can smoke cigarettes there and of course out on the decks. Laura's 
afraid if I light up a joint on the deck that one of the neighbors will see it."
"That's one way to make friends with your neighbors," the older woman said. "I 
find mine are always appreciative of sharing the herb now and again."
"I never would have pegged you for a pot smoker," Crystal said, the anger of 
their previous conversation leaving her. She leaned against the counter, 
fighting the urge to join Laura's aunt at the table.
"Compared to my niece I'm sure I seem like quite the rebel. I was very much into 
the disco scene of the seventies but I'm certain Laura isn't aware of that. Her 
mother tended to shelter her from the more 'seamy' side of life, as she called 
it." Helen waved her over. "Come sit down with me. I hate talking across the 
room." Crystal hesitated, then did as requested, taking a seat directly across 
from the older woman. "There, that's better. I'll have to admit you aren't like 
Laura's other girlfriends."
"We're not girlfriends," the blonde reminded.
"I meant as friends who happen to be women, not as lesbian lovers," Helen said. 
"Although I will admit it must have taken a lot of courage for Laura to come out 
to her mother."
"Laura has a lot of courage," Crystal agreed.
"I never told her this but I am proud that she stuck to her guns about it and 
didn't let her mother talk her into seeing a psychiatrist." A smirk came to the 
older woman's lips. "I dare say I've been known to jump over the fence once or 
twice. You remember the old Wagon Wheel series? The actress that played Carol, I 
could tell you stories about her."
The reference went over Crystal's head, knowing the show only as something that 
was in reruns when she was a young child but she understood the meaning clearly. 
"So you're bi?"
"I suppose I am. I haven't been with a woman in quite a few years but I suppose 
anything is still possible. What about you?"
"I'm straight," Crystal replied.
"Oh, any men in your life right now? I know this absolutely devilishly handsome 
young man who would just die for a pretty blonde like you."
Crystal gave a short laugh and shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm not 
looking."
"What a shame. Bad breakup?"
"No." As was her habit, Crystal looked down at the table when talking about 
herself. "I haven't ever been in any serious relationship."
"Now that's a real shame. You're a young thing but isn't it about time you start 
looking for a love to share your life with?" Helen reached out and slapped her 
hand atop Crystal's. "Take it from this old broad, deary. There is nothing 
lonelier than not having someone to love you at the end of the day. Personally I 
think you're limiting yourself by not looking at the other side of the fence. My 
niece is really quite the catch, you know. Accomplished author, college graduate 
and she certainly isn't hard to look at, is she?"
Crystal saw the mischievous glint in Helen's eye and smiled. "No, she isn't. 
Laura's a very nice person but it's just not like that between us. Besides, I'm 
far from her type."
"I don't know about that, deary. My little pumpkin seems to think very highly of 
you."
"What did she say about me?"
"Ah, curious aren't you?" Helen said knowingly. "I'll tell you what. We have at 
least twenty minutes for dinner, right?"
"Yeah. At least."
"If you would be kind enough to share a hit or two I might be persuaded to 
reveal certain things Laura has said about you."
Crystal didn't need to be asked twice. "Let's go."
Part 13
by B L Miller
Author's note:  This is a beta version and is UNFINISHED.  I've posted up 
several parts, giving you a huge chunk of what's been written so far barring 
revisions.   Yes, I will post the completed version once I finish it but this is 
just for those that want to see what I'm working now.  This story is UNFINISHED. 
 Read at your own risk.  B L

*****************
 
Laura was bone tired when she finally pulled into her parking space but pleased 
to see the familiar Omni parked next to her. That meant Crystal was home and 
hopefully had driven Aunt Helen to retire early for the evening. Remembering the 
bag of cleaners in the back seat, Laura retrieved them and headed inside.
Setting the bag on the side table, she was surprised not to find either woman 
downstairs. What did not surprise Laura, however, was the mess in the living 
room. The kitchen was better, clean dishes drying on the rack but clearly done 
by her right handed roommate, the strainer on the opposite side of the sink than 
usual. Laura took a few minutes to rearrange the kitchen back to the way she 
wanted before heading upstairs.
"Hello?" Laura called when she was halfway up the stairs, hearing voices.
"We're in here," Crystal called, letting the writer know which room they were 
in.
Laura couldn't resist raising an eyebrow at this new development. Her Aunt Helen 
and Crystal were in the same room and from the sounds of it, getting along quite 
nicely. The pungent smell wafting under the door gave Laura her answer as to why 
they were in Crystal's room. Opening the door, the first thing the fastidious 
woman noticed was the pile of laundry strewn about, jeans flung carelessly over 
the back of the orange chair and Crystal's work boots laying where they were 
apparently kicked off earlier. Crystal was propped comfortably on her bed while 
Helen was sitting in the orange chair, using the bed as a footrest.
"Hi there," Crystal said. "How's your mom doing?"
"Hi pumpkin," Helen waved. "Come have a seat and tell us all about it."
"Don't worry about stepping on anything," Crystal said. "Just kick it out of 
your way."
"Or rent a bulldozer," Laura replied dryly. She carefully stepped over dirty 
clothes until she reached the bed, sitting cross legged on the lower corner near 
the door leading to the balcony. It allowed her to look at her aunt directly 
with only minimal eye movement to see Crystal. "So I see you two found something 
in common," her tone making it clear what she thought of that.
"You take after your mother too much." Helen frowned and took the little blue 
pipe from Crystal. "So tell us, how is she?"
"She looks a hundred times better than when she went in," Laura said. "If 
everything goes well tonight they might even let her out tomorrow morning."
"What time are you going to see her tomorrow?" Helen asked.
"I'll most likely head up there around nine or ten."
"I'll go with you." Helen said, holding her hand out for the lighter which 
Crystal finally handed over.
Laura watched her fifty year old aunt take a small hit off the pipe, thinking 
eerily that she had fallen into something from the Twilight Zone. Laura was 
still uncomfortable watching Crystal light up but to see her own aunt doing it 
was something else altogether. "Um, Aunt Helen?"
"Yes pumpkin?" Helen looked at her but all Laura saw were slits for eyes. 
Clearly her aunt and roommate had been in this room for some time.
"Could you not smoke that in front of me? It just seems so…odd to me to see you 
doing that."
"I got an idea," Crystal said, taking the pipe and setting it in her ashtray. "I 
could go for a cigarette. Why don't we go out on the deck and that way we don't 
asphyxiate poor Laura here."
"Splendid idea, deary." Helen got her feet, wobbled a little, then straightened 
out and headed for the screen door.
"So what have you two been talking about?" Laura asked Crystal, hanging back so 
they weren't overheard.
"All sorts of stuff," the younger woman replied. "Sisters and families and 
freedom and of course you."
"Me?"
"Well," Crystal's eye took on a wicked glint. "You are the main thing we have in 
common. By the way, not too bright trying to jump those barrels with your 
bicycle."
"She told you about that?" Laura was shocked, remembering that as one of her 
most embarrassing moments, especially when the base commander called her father 
down to explain why she was playing in an unauthorized area.
"She told me a lot of things," Crystal said smugly. Helen had a bit of a wicked 
streak herself and had conveyed with painstaking detail about some of Laura's 
most embarrassing tales of childhood. "Or there's the time you went to visit her 
and got lost on the subways."
"She said to stay on the red line and I'd be fine," Laura grumbled as they 
stepped out onto the deck. "So you spent your free time telling stories about 
me, did you?"
"You're just lucky I didn't remember to bring the scrapbooks," Helen said. "You 
remember summer at my campsite? When your cousins were up?"
Laura was truly appreciative of the darkness which kept her blush from being 
seen. "I remember. Can we change the topic now?"
"But it's much more fun to tease you," Crystal said, leaning back in her chair 
and putting her feet up on the railing. "So Helen, you were telling me about the 
first time Laura got drunk."
"Oh no," the subject in question groaned. "And you wonder why I don't drink very 
often? Let your aunt get you drunk for the first time."
"Hugged that porcelain goddess a few times, did you?" Crystal teased.
"It was her best friend that night," Helen said cheerfully. "The next morning 
too."
"But I'm sure you're more familiar with that particular goddess than I am," 
Laura teased back.
"Oh, you got me, pardner." The single bulb lighting the back deck gave little 
illumination but it was enough for Laura to see Crystal pantomime being shot in 
the chest. "But I never tried to crawl down the stairs."
"You don't forget anything, do you Aunt Helen?"
"Not much, pumpkin," Helen replied, clearly enjoying the banter. Both her and 
Crystal had cigarettes going and the older woman took a long drag on hers before 
continuing to embarrass her niece. "You should have seen her, Crystal. She was 
talking to the banister."
The friendly chat continued for the better part of an hour but Laura was spared 
any more embarrassment after her experience with the banister was told. Finally 
one too many yawns indicated the need to wind down for the night and Helen made 
her exit through the screen door to Laura's bedroom where she was staying. Laura 
followed Crystal in through her entrance, stepping on a pair of shorts laying on 
the floor near the sliding door. "How do you manage to get around in this mess?" 
Laura asked.
"I know where everything is. It's an organized mess," Crystal said, flopping 
down on her bed and quickly pushing herself up against the headboard. "So are 
you really beat or do you feel up to visiting for a while?"
Usually evenings while Helen had been spent downstairs, not allowing the 
opportunity for the two friends to just sit and talk to each other and Laura 
found she was missing those chats very much. "Sure but keep your smoking limited 
to cigarettes, okay?"
"Deal," Crystal cheerfully agreed, reaching out to pat the arm of the 
overstuffed orange chair. "Have a seat, take a load off."
"You certainly seem to be in a good mood tonight," the writer noted as she took 
her seat. "I still can't believe you and my Aunt Helen were getting along, much 
less smoking pot with each other."
"I was kinda shocked when she asked me if I had any," Crystal said, fluffing a 
pillow before sticking behind her back for support. "But once I stopped being 
annoyed with her, she turned out to be a okay person. A bit out there, but 
okay."
"She hasn't given you her dissertation about aliens and secret labs hidden in 
the desert yet."
"Ah, something to look forward to. She already told me about your cousin, the 
one that does the drag shows in New York."
"You realize of course that not everyone she calls a cousin really is," Laura 
explained. "I think most of them are her friends children and she truly loves 
playing the rich maiden aunt."
"Hmpf. I wouldn't have minded having a rich aunt when I was growing up."
"Well, it was nice for what it was but I never wanted her money. Visiting Aunt 
Helen was like taking a trip to an amusement park. I never what I was going to 
do but it was always fun for just so long." Without thought Laura kicked her 
sneakers off and put her feet up on Crystal's bed. "Trust me, there's only so 
much of a good thing one person can have, hence the crawling trip down the 
stairs." She reached out and gently slapped Crystal's outstretched leg. "Hey, I 
got a royalty check today. How about tomorrow night after everything settles 
down with Mom and you get home from work we go out for dinner?"
"What about Helen?"
"I'll dump her off on Bobby for the evening. She hasn't had a chance to spoil 
him yet." The writer's creative mind worked for only a minute before she came 
upon the perfect scenario for her little plot. "I'll plant a bug in her ear 
about how he would love an evening with her before he leaves for school."
"I'm sure he'll appreciate that," Crystal said.
"You know she bought me my first car when I went to school? It wasn't new but it 
was rust free and the mileage was low. A nice little hatchback to scoot around 
campus with."
"You're looking at my first car," Crystal said, nodding with her chin toward the 
parking lot. "I used my tax return and made payments for three months to get 
that rust bucket. Had it almost a year now."
"And you probably appreciate yours far more than I ever appreciated my Ford. No 
snow tires in the middle of a storm plus inexperience led to totaling it less 
than four months after Aunt Helen bought it for me."
"Ooh, that sucks."
Laura smirked at her friend's terminology but nodded in agreement. "That's one 
way to look at it, I suppose. The insurance gave me money I needed in time for 
books so I didn't have to ask Mom and Dad for it so close to Christmas. I put 
what was left over away and did private tutoring to get another car."
"Bet you were more careful with that one," Crystal guessed.
"I was," Laura admitted. "I made that one last until my graduate year." Her brow 
furrowed as she tried to remember how they got off on this tangent. Of course 
when it came to carrying on a conversation with Crystal, subject changes were 
often and frequent. "Oh yes, dinner."
"Yeah, where are you thinking of going anyway? There's a great diner about a 
mile from the hospital. You know the one, they have the liberty bell shaped 
windows."
Laura made a face. "How about a place where half your meal isn't made of 
grease?"
"Are you kidding? That place is the best. They've got a prime rib there…" 
Crystal seemed to think about that for a second. "Oh yeah, you don't eat red 
meat. But they've got seafood there too."
"No doubt it's all breaded and swims in oil too," Laura replied. "There's an 
Italian place not too far from the mall."
"What about Chinese?" Crystal countered, ignoring her roommate's comment.
"I always eat too much when I have Chinese. What about that new restaurant on 
Fifth?"
"Too expensive. Michael only had a few hours of overtime this week." Crystal 
sighed and reached for her cigarettes. "Just like when first started living 
together. We can't agree on anything."
Laura refused to keep the smile from her lips. "Oh I think we've come a long way 
from when you first moved in here. I haven't had to pick up a towel off the 
bathroom floor in weeks. Speaking of the bathroom…"
"I didn't do it," Crystal blurted quickly.
"Guilty conscience?" Laura teased. "I know Aunt Helen used my rose soaps but she 
said she didn't buy the new ones. So where did those come from?"
"Soap fairy?"
"I think I'm a little old to be believing in the soap fairy, Crystal. I do, 
however, believe that I have a roommate who was being very thoughtful and nice."
Crystal squirmed under the kind words and gave a totally useless frown. "I got 
used to the scent."
"An air freshener would have taken care of that," Laura pointed out. "You can't 
get away with that with me. I thank you very much. I think they're even prettier 
than the ones I had."
The blonde squirmed some more and lit a cigarette. "How did we get on this 
subject anyway? We were talking about dinner."
"I suggested the new restaurant on Fifth," Laura reminded.
"And I said it was too expensive."
"Most of the dinners are less than twenty dollars, Crystal. Besides, it's my 
treat because I got more in my royalty check than I thought I would. You think 
I'd ask you out to dinner and expect you to pay?" Laura shook her head. "I'm not 
that bad a date."
"Yeah well the last time someone wanted to pick up the tab for my dinner it was 
because they were expecting a benefit later." Crystal smiled. "Since you don't 
have a chance with me I figured it was Dutch treat."
"Oh please. It's worth dinner to me just to see you and Aunt Helen getting along 
so well. What were you two talking about?" Seeing a stray ash sitting on the 
night stand, Laura reached over and wiped it away. Seeing the multitude of 
crumpled up empty packs, she tried to collect those as well without being 
noticed.
Crystal smirked. "You mean besides which is better, paper or pipe?" The smirk 
faded when she saw what Laura was trying to do. "Hey, leave my junk alone." 
Laura opened her hands to allow her roommate to take the trash.
"I was just trying to help," the dark haired woman said, opening her hands to 
allow the empty packs to be taken from her.
"Yeah, help clean," Crystal said, taking the trash and stuffing it into the 
already overstuffed wastebasket. "This is my room. It can be as messy as I want 
it."
"There's a difference between being cluttered and having the room declared a 
disaster area."
"But it's my disaster area," the blonde pointed out proudly. "I don't make a 
mess in your room and you aren't allowed to come in and clean mine. I behave 
everywhere else in this house."
Laura wiped her hands on her pants before lacing her fingers together, resisting 
the urge to reach down and pick up the pack that missed the basket. "You're 
right."
"It's not like I'm damaging the walls or carpet or anything. I'm just…"
"Cluttered," the writer offered.
"Cluttered, yeah that sounds good." Crystal smiled. "Of course saying I'm a 
little cluttered it like saying Maine only gets a little snow in the winter."
Both women laughed at the joke, sharing more similes and poking fun at both 
Crystal's messiness and Laura's fastidiousness. "So other than which is better, 
paper or pipe and no, I don't want to know the answer," Laura said. "What else 
did you two talk about?"
"Sisters." Crystal shrugged. "I told her she should be worried more about how 
her sister was doing than whether the house had drafts in it or not."
"Did you tell her about Patty?"
"A little. I told her we were separated a long time ago and I wouldn't care if 
she was living in a box, I'd still want to see and spend time with her."
"So that's why she said she wanted to go see Mom tomorrow," Laura said. "I 
wondered why she had a sudden change of heart." She looked at Crystal 
thoughtfully. "I guess sometimes we all need to be reminded of what's really 
important."
"I dunno. I guess so." Crystal shrugged her shoulders and pulled her legs up, 
resting her wrists on her knees, her back and rest still pressing a pillow 
against the headboard. A sad, faraway look came over her face.
"How did your session with Jenny go today?" Laura asked after a moment, 
remembering which day it was. Crystal often tended to be in a more solemn mood 
after her sessions. Laura wondered if this would be another night her roommate 
needed to stay up and talk.
"Okay, I guess." Crystal shook her head as if realizing how she must look and 
stubbed her cigarette out in the ashtray. "It's nothing."
"You sure? It doesn't look like nothing."
"We talked about my mother a bit." Crystal looked down at her hands. "It wasn't 
one of my better times in her office, I can tell you that." Laura remained 
quiet, knowing that being there to listen was what was needed now, not comments. 
"Doc made me do that stupid role playing thing where you pretend you're yelling 
at your parents." Laura nodded, understanding what was meant even she had never 
actually participated in a session. Crystal continued, her eyes taking on a 
faraway look. "You know what's really weird? As much as I thought I hated her, 
there's still a part of me that still cares." She picked at an imaginary piece 
of lint on her blanket. "You know how upset you were when you got the call that 
your mom was sick? I wished I cared enough about my mom to do the same but you 
know what?" Crystal gave a small snort and shook her head. "If I got a call like 
that today…I'd go."
"Sounds like a late night tea chat for us," Laura said, knowing the conversation 
was too serious to be ending any time soon. "We'll go down on the couch, put the 
TV on in the background and talk."
"Laura? Do you think it's possible to love and hate someone?"
Taking a deep breath, Laura thought about her answer before speaking. "I think 
we can hate things that a person has done and still love that person. And I 
think there are those people for whom loving them will never be an option," she 
said, thinking of Crystal's father. "The best we can hope for is indifference. I 
don't like to waste energy hating someone. If they've wronged me to the point 
where I can't forgive or trust them again, I just write them out of my life and 
move on." Laura got to her feet and held her hand out. "Come on, I thought we 
were going downstairs. Talk to me nice and I think I might know where some mini 
marshmallows are hiding for hot chocolate," she offered, knowing Crystal's 
preference for hot chocolate over tea.
As the hours ticked by and the two women talked, neither was aware of the door 
to Laura's bedroom being slightly ajar or of how the acoustics of the townhouse 
caused their voices to carry upstairs. If either had taken the time to look up 
they would have seen Helen sitting just inside the door, the sliver of light 
showing her platinum hair a face covered with night cream.
********************
"Where does she keep the serving tray now?" Laura asked, opening and shutting 
yet another cupboard. Apparently her mother had rearranged the kitchen since the 
writer last lived there.
"I think it's in the one above the fridge," Bobby said, leaning against the low 
bar separating the kitchen and living room. He took a cube of cheese off the 
nearby platter and popped it in his mouth.
"Leave those alone," Laura admonished. "I didn't realize what a mouse you were."
"What can I say? I like cheese," he said, taking another piece.
"So does everyone else and I'd like to see some left on the plate by the time it 
gets out there." Opening the cupboard over the refrigerator, Laura found the 
silver serving tray and carefully arranged the cups and carafe on it. "Can I 
trust you to take that platter out there without eating any more?"
"No," he said cheerfully, taking another piece before picking up the platter and 
heading into the other room. Laura shook her head and double checked the balance 
of the tray. Her mother's fine china, which never ever left the china closet, 
sat gingerly on the silver tray and the last thing Laura wanted to do was chip 
or break any of them. Certain that the fine cups were safe, she picked up the 
tray gingerly and pushed her way through the swinging door. "Here's the tea," 
she announced.
"Excellent, dear," Laura's mother said. "Set it down over here." Gail Taylor was 
seated in a red velvet chair while her sister sat in the matching chair, the 
burning hearth just behind them. Bobby stood several feet away next to the side 
table, happily whittling away at the supply of cheese cubes and crackers. Laura 
set the tray down and began filling the delicate white and gold cups.
"So what did the doctor say?" Gail asked Helen, resuming the conversation that 
had been going on prior to Laura bringing out the tea.
"He said Mother should stay inside and avoid anyone who has the flu. I don't 
know how she's supposed to do that in a nursing home."
"But if she has a bad reaction to the flu shot then what else can they do?" 
Helen asked, taking the tea cup and saucer Laura handed to her.
"We could always bring Mother home," Helen said. Laura, who had been half 
listening to the conversation, raised her eyebrows and shook her head.
"Where would you put her? Grandma can't stay here. There's no one to take care 
of her." Laura realized the error of her words when she was regarded with a 
frosty look from her mother.
"I handled both you and your brother from diapers to dating and then some. With 
a visiting nurse there's no reason why Mother couldn't come for a least an 
extended visit if not a permanent situation." Gail looked at her sister. 
"Honestly Helen. Listen to my children."
Laura, who now felt like a reprimanded child, handed her aunt a cup of tea and 
sat back, casting a sidelong glance at her brother. Bobby returned a sympathetic 
look, knowing his sister was in for it now.
"Now you can't blame the younger generation for not understanding what's 
important," Helen said, taking a sip of her tea and leaving a glaring red 
lipstick mark on the fine bone china.
"Helen, do you remember the time we took Daddy's Edsel?" Gail asked. Her sister 
smiled immediately.
"Oh dear. I haven't thought about that car in years. We certainly got quite the 
switching when he saw that dent."
"And that was the last time we ever did that. Sometimes I wonder if Robert and I 
were too soft on our own," Gail said, giving her daughter a significant look. 
"Just don't you be getting any ideas in your head about putting me in any 
nursing homes, young lady."
Laura looked appropriately chastised. "I wouldn't dream of it, Mother," she said 
dutifully. "Bobby, stop eating all the cheese."
"Now don't you go trying to get your brother into trouble," Gail admonished 
before turning her attention back to her sister. "So how much longer are you 
going to stay?"
"I don't have any pressing plans until the fifteenth." Helen took another sip of 
tea. "There's a show opening at the Met that I absolutely have to make an 
appearance at. You know how much I support the arts."
"That still leaves us with five days," Gail said. "There's no need to have Laura 
drive you over here each day. Laura, bring your aunt's things over here tonight. 
She can stay in your old room."
The writer fought hard not to choke on the tea she had been drinking. "Uh, sure 
Mom. I have to go home and pick up Crystal in an hour or so. I'll drop her 
things off before we head for dinner." Laura caught the knowing smirk on her 
aunt's face but didn't want to pursue the cause of it in front of her mother.
"And I suppose paying outlandish prices for dinner is your idea of the proper 
way to spend your money? It would certainly make more sense if you two just 
stayed here for dinner. Bobby, did you take out that roast like I told you to?"
"Yes Mom."
"Then it's settled," Gail said happily, smoothing her wrinkled skirt with her 
hand. "The two of you can just stay here for dinner. You don't spend enough time 
with your family as it is and who knows when your aunt will come for another 
visit."
"Uh…" Normally a quick thinker, Laura found herself at a loss to come up with an 
excuse not to stay without offending her mother. "I don't eat red meat."
"Did I say it was a pot roast?" Gail shook her head and looked at her sister. 
"Honestly, Helen. I don't know about these children. Perhaps Daddy's idea of 
going out to the shed with a switch from the hickory tree was a good idea. 
Laura, you haven't eaten red meat since you were a teenager. Did you think I 
forgot that? I may not be one hundred percent but I'm not senile."
Laura, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her whole, could only nod.
"I do believe you still enjoy a nice homemade roasted chicken with baked 
potatoes and perhaps even some of your Aunt Helen's parfait."
Bobby and Laura shared looks. Helen's parfait was treated in their family the 
same way fruitcakes were treated in others. It was a necessary evil they 
suffered with year after year while growing up. Perhaps there was a benefit to 
the two sisters not talking after all. "I'll mention it to Crystal."
"Well call her and ask her," Gail urged.
"She's at work, Mom. I just can't call her up unless it's important."
"And knowing if I'm cooking for four or five isn't important?"
Bobby handed the cordless phone to Laura, knowing who the winner of the battle 
was.
"All right, Sheridan. Let's get this room finished and then we'll start the 
cleanup," Josh Thompson, Crystal's supervisor said. "It's after five already."
"Yup, I'm on it," Crystal called back without looking. She had just started 
securing the drywall to the studs in this section and there were easily four 
more squares waiting for more than the nails the drywall hangers used to keep 
them in place temporarily. Time and practice had made the blonde very proficient 
with the power driver, sinking the drywall screws into the board without 
breaking the paper and doing it as fast or faster than the men who did the same 
job in other sections of the building. Still it had been a long day and 
Crystal's arm was aching from the constant physical labor. Cleanup, the most 
unpleasant job of the day, was still to come and judging from the mess of 
drywall pieces scattered throughout the room, it was a job that would take the 
better part of an hour to finish. Wiping her sweaty brow on the sleeve of her 
shirt, Crystal picked up the drywall screw gun and loaded her pouch with screws.
"Hey blondie, phone for you," one of the other workers yelled.
"Okay," she yelled back, setting the driver on the workbench and pulling the 
plug from the outlet before leaving the office in search of the phone. As the 
work progressed up the floors, Michael had extensions for the phone line 
installed on each floor to minimize the time his workers were away from their 
stations. Entering the first room near the stairs, Crystal saw the phone sitting 
on one chair while another chair sat empty next to it. A blinking light next to 
one of the buttons showed someone waiting. Wondering who would call her at work 
and not on her pager, Crystal picked up the phone and pressed the button. "This 
is Crystal."
"Crystal, it's Laura. Sorry to bother you at work but my mother wants to make a 
home cooked meal tonight."
"Oh, that's no problem. We can make it some other night," Crystal said, 
misunderstanding Laura's words to mean she was being uninvited for dinner. "I'll 
just volunteer to work late tonight. There's certainly enough work to do around 
here."
"You mean you don't want to go?"
"Huh? I thought you just said your mother wants you to have dinner at her place 
tonight?"
"She does. But the invite is for both of us, not just me. Come on, you can't 
make me go through this alone. You have to come."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were canceling with me to go over there." Crystal 
sat down in the empty chair. "I have to stop at the house and shower and change. 
It's hot as hell today and I've been working my ass off."
"That's no problem," Laura said. "I have to come home and pack up Aunt Helen's 
things anyway so there'll be plenty of time for you to get ready. Helen's going 
to stay with Mom for the rest of her trip."
"Great. It'll be nice to walk into the bathroom and not smell her perfume all 
over the place." All around her, Crystal could hear the sounds of power tools. 
"Hey Laura, I have to get going here. I should be home around six thirty or so."
"All right. I'll meet you at our place and then we can go in my car. Oh, and 
Crystal?"
"Yeah?"
"I would never cancel a date with you, no matter what else was going on," Laura 
said firmly. "I'll see you in about an hour and a half."
Crystal said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone, staring at it for a moment. 
Dinner with her family? Suddenly cleanup didn't seem so bad after all.
*****************
Crystal's thought that it would be a casual dinner were quickly dashed when she 
entered Gail's house and saw the table in the dining room decked out with a 
tablecloth and centerpiece. "Oh good, you're here," Gail said, coming out from 
the kitchen.
"Mom, Bobby and I can get the dinner cooking. You should be sitting down and 
resting," Laura protested, silently nudging Crystal toward the couch.
"Nonsense. I may be tired but I'm fully capable of cutting a few potatoes," her 
mother argued, wiping her hands on her apron. "It's good to see you again, 
Crystal. Welcome to my home."
"Thank you, Mrs. Taylor," Crystal answered. "Is there anything I can do help?"
"As a matter of fact there is. If you open the cabinet there you'll find all the 
place settings. Be a dear and set the table. I'll have Bobby bring out the 
silverware and napkins." Gail removed her apron as she turned to her daughter. 
"Since you think I'm an invalid now, you can just march yourself out to the 
kitchen and help your brother with the gravy." She handed the apron to Laura. 
"Helen," she called. "The children are going to finish up dinner. Let's go sit 
on the veranda and enjoy the sunset."
"Right behind you," Helen said as she came through the swinging door from the 
kitchen. "Laura, check under the bar and see if there are any daiquiri mixes, 
will you dear?"
"I'm sure there's some," Gail agreed. "Laura, you'll find the blender down next 
to the stove and of course you know where to find the ice. None for me, the 
doctor said I shouldn't touch alcohol with my medication. I'll have an iced tea 
and make sure you get something for your guest."
Laura, still wondering how she changed from twenty eight to fifteen all of the 
sudden, nodded and shared a look with Crystal before disappearing into the 
kitchen.
Terrified of chipping the fine china, Crystal took the plates, cups and saucers 
out one at a time, setting them gingerly on the table. Bobby came into the 
dining room with a large wooden box. "Hey Crystal."
"Hi Bobby, how ya doing?"
"I think I've been sold into slavery but I'm not sure yet," he joked. "Mom and 
Aunt Helen have been on me all afternoon." He set the box on the table. "Don't 
know why we're going to all this trouble just for dinner. It's just you, Aunt 
Helen and Laura. Mom hasn't broken out the good plates since the last time 
Grandma came to visit." He opened the box, which easily was half as wide as it 
was long, to reveal a red velvet interior displaying a full set of silver eating 
utensils. "Good," he said. "At least I don't have to polish them."
There were a multitude of forks, spoons and knives in the set, along with 
several larger serving utensils. Bobby quickly distributed the silverware around 
the table, each place setting receiving two forks, three spoons and one butter 
knife. The box was stored away on the floor beneath the china cabinet and steak 
knives were taken from the drawer of the buffet. "Hey, you forgot the soup 
bowls."
"Oh." Crystal reached into the cabinet, her fingers barely touching the small 
bowls on the upper shelf.
"Not those. They're for desserts." He reached around her and pointed at the 
cluster of bowls tucked neatly away in the back. "Trust me, you'll love Mom's 
chicken and rice soup. I've got to see if Laura needs anything." As he walked 
past the table, Bobby stopped and frowned at the place settings. Crystal knew 
immediately she had done something incorrectly but to her relief all Laura's 
brother did was reverse the position of two spoons without comment and left the 
room.
Guess it's a good thing I don't throw dinner parties, eh? As she made her way 
around the table and correcting the order of the spoons, Crystal smiled at 
Bobby's thoughtfulness and tact. Just like his sister, she thought. Finishing up 
the setting of the table, Crystal decided to see how things were going in the 
kitchen.
"I know how to do this," Laura was saying as Crystal pushed her way through the 
swinging door and entered the kitchen.
"But you're not doing it right. Mom uses a baster, not a brush," Bobby objected, 
holding the baster in his hand.
"I prefer the brush," Laura said calmly, dipping the brush in the juices and 
moving it over the top of the browning chicken.
"But it's Mom's chicken."
"Bobby, do you really think Mom's going to be able to tell if I used a brush or 
a baster?" She noticed Crystal standing there. "Hi there. Is the table all set?"
"Yeah." Crystal looked at Bobby and smiled her silent thanks.
"Good," Laura said. "Probably about fifteen minutes more for the chicken and by 
then everything else will be ready."
"Good, just enough time for a cigarette."
"Hey, let me go get mine. I'll be right back. Don't go without me," Bobby said, 
moving past them and running upstairs to return a few minutes later with a blue 
pack in his hands. "All set."
"Okay," Crystal said.
"Wait, let's go out front. Aunt Helen doesn't know I smoke and Mom has a fit 
when I do it in front of her," he said, holding the swinging door open. Crystal 
nodded and followed him out the front door.
The concrete and slate steps framed in red brick were cool, the sun having moved 
over to the other side of the house hours before. Still the pair sat down, 
Crystal passing her lighter to Bobby after getting her own cigarette going. 
"Thanks for earlier," she said, taking the lighter back.
"No prob," he said, exhaling a long plume of smoke. "I only know it because Mom 
drilled it into me and Laura years ago."
"My mother preferred TV dinners," Crystal said, looking past the large elm to 
the quiet street. "Nice neighborhood."
Bobby snorted. "It's full of snobs. I'd rather kick it with the guys down on 
Second Street."
Knowing what part of the city Second Street was in, Crystal looked at Bobby. 
"Does your mother know you hang there?" She was answered with a hearty laugh.
"Are you kidding? She'd have a stroke thinking I was doing drugs or something," 
he said. "I tell her I'm going to the mall and she's happy with that."
"Are you?" Crystal asked. When he didn't answer right away, she nodded and 
looked back at the street. "Uh huh. Be careful."
"I didn't say…."
"You didn't have to," she interrupted. "I wasn't raised in suburbia, Bobby. I 
know the score. You're not hanging out on Second Street unless you're using or 
dealing." Debating how far she should go, Crystal softened her tone and looked 
at him seriously. "You know the condemned building near the Ladyslipper?"
"Yeah?"
Crystal took a deep breath. "About five years ago I was hanging out around 
there. In fact, I used to crash on the second floor of that building."
"That place has been boarded up for as long as I can remember," he said.
"Yup," she agreed. "But a few nails aren't going to keep people out of an 
abandoned building when they want to get in." She shrugged. "It was close to the 
dive I worked at and my dealer." Crystal wondered briefly how much of her past 
Laura had shared with Bobby but decided that the risk was worth it. "I wasn't 
the only one hanging there. There was probably about twenty or twenty five of us 
that regularly stayed there."
"Wow," he gasped in surprise, clearly having trouble reconciling the woman 
before him with the person he was being told about. "Weren't you scared?"
Crystal thought about it for a few seconds. "I don't think so. By that point I 
don't think I cared about anything. All I wanted to do was sit back and get high 
then go work to earn some more money to buy more coke."
"Did you ever shoot up?" he asked. Crystal thought it an odd question but shook 
her head.
"No. I knew about AIDS and I didn't trust anyone. Have you?"
Bobby shook his head. "No but I've been told it gets you high fast."
"Jumping out an airplane without a parachute will get you to the ground faster 
but it's still not a good idea." Crystal looked deeply into his blue eyes. "It's 
like playing Russian Roulette with your life, Bobby. All the hard stuff. It'll 
happily kill you if it gets a chance. I've seen it."
"You've seen someone die?"
"Two," she admitted. "One was this crack head named Melissa who OD'd. I think 
she got a bad batch because it hit her really quick. She was gone before the 
ambulance ever got there. The other was a guy I didn't know. I was woken up by 
the sound of a gunshot but I wasn't stupid enough to go check it out. They found 
the guy's body in the alley the next morning."
"Oh God, that's horrible," he said.
"That's what the hard stuff will do to you. That guy probably died because of a 
deal gone bad. It happens all the time out there. Bobby, you have everything 
going for you. You're young, good looking, smart, have a scholarship to a good 
school. You can be anything you want. Don't waste it by getting mixed up in 
coke." By the way he flinched Crystal knew she was right about the drug he was 
experimenting with.
Bobby tore the burning end off of his cigarette and put the filter in his 
pocket. "I've only done it a few times. Usually I just share a joint with a few 
friends."
"Are they the same friends who shared their coke with you?"
"Yeah, Tyrone brought it with him one day."
Crystal nodded knowingly. "Bet he didn't even charge you since it was your first 
time, right? Just a gift from a friend?"
"Yeah, his treat."
"For now. When he has you hooked there won't be any freebies." Crystal knew she 
was pushing but it was too important for her not to. "Look Bobby, I'm not a 
prude." She gave a short laugh. "In fact I've done many things I'm ashamed of, 
things I'd rather not have people know about me but I do know what I'm talking 
about. It's one thing to have a joint or two once in a while to relax but it's 
another to get messed up with the drugs you're looking at." She lowered her 
head. "If I could go back to when I was your age, I'd change so many things 
about what I did with my life, starting with giving two of those years up to 
living like a junkie on the edge of death." Crystal mimicked Bobby's actions 
with her cigarette, getting the hint that Mrs. Taylor would not appreciate butts 
on her front walk. "Just remember that the only person who's looking out for you 
is you."
Bobby swallowed and looked down at his hands. "You won't tell Mom or Laura what 
we talked about, will you?"
"Of course not. It's your life and your decision to make." Crystal stood up and 
put her hand on the door handle.
"My friend Mike played center last year on our team," Bobby began, rising to his 
feet as well. "He failed a random drug test. Lost his scholarship. He was really 
counting on it too. Now if he gets enough with grants and loans he might be able 
to afford city college."
"Aren't you glad you're number didn't come up that day?" she asked.
"Actually yeah," he admitted. "I was sweating it out there when Coach was 
reading off the names of the guys who had to go piss in the cups." He shuddered 
at the memory. "I could have ended up with like Mike."
"I don't think anyone would have wanted that, least of all you," Crystal said 
softly. "Come on, we gotta get in there before they start looking for us."
"Yeah," he agreed. "Crystal?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for talking to me," he said, surprising her with a brief hug. "Even if 
you're not Laura's girlfriend, I'm still glad to know you."
"Um…" Crystal hesitated, unsure how to respond. Finally for lack of anything 
better she mumbled her thanks and led the way inside.
The rectangular table sat six without the leaf, Helen and Gail on opposite ends. 
Laura and Bobby sat on either side of their mother while Crystal took the seat 
next to her roommate. When the Taylor family reached their hands out to the 
persons on either side of them, it took Crystal by surprise. Bobby shifted his 
seat to reach past the empty place and grasp his aunt's hand. Saying grace was 
not something Crystal had ever seen Laura do at home. She hesitantly took the 
hands being offered to her, Laura's on her left and Helen's on her right. There 
was a definite difference between the two, she noted. Laura's touch was warm, 
their fingers intertwining with the writer's thumb moving slowly back and forth 
atop her own. Helen's grip was firmer, the skin not nearly as soft as Laura's. 
Noting everyone had lowered their heads, she followed suit, pleased when Gail 
spoke alone, ending her fear that they would recite some prayer that she didn't 
know.
"We thank God for the gifts we are about to receive and for bringing my family 
together tonight," Gail began. "Thank you for bringing my sister to me and 
giving me my health back. Bless our family that could not be here with us 
tonight and watch over them as you watch over us. We are happy to have Crystal 
here with us and we ask that you watch over her as well." Surprised, Crystal 
raised her head up and felt a reassuring squeeze in her left hand. Gail finished 
the grace and everyone separated their hands. While she was happy to be freed 
from Helen's grip, finding the bony fingers holding hers to be uncomfortable but 
felt only coolness and loss when Laura released her grip. For someone who hated 
to be touched and avoided it whenever possible, Crystal found it disconcerting 
to realize that she didn't mind Laura touching her. Indeed, as she mimicked the 
actions of those around her, passing platters and bowls around the table, taking 
portions from each, Crystal found herself glancing to the left frequently, 
catching glimpses of Laura out of the corner of her eye. The writer was 
questioning Bobby about what courses he planned on taking in his first semester, 
allowing the blonde to watch her unobserved…or so she thought. A glance to the 
right would have shown Helen's eyes watching her like a hawk, noting each 
movement and look. Laura's hair had grown beyond the point where it should have 
been trimmed, if only to straighten out the ends which were beginning to curl 
along the edge of the writer's collar. From the shampoo bottles in the shower, 
Crystal knew Laura's hair tended to get split ends, the evidence visible in the 
way the dark hair seemed almost frizzy at the ends. It occurred to her that 
Laura wasn't the only one due for a haircut, her own blonde locks getting close 
to the longest point Crystal had ever let them grow and she wondered if perhaps 
a shorter style might not be such a bad idea after all. It certainly would make 
it easier to work if she didn't have to keep putting it in a ponytail to keep it 
off the back of her neck while she labored. Moving her attention away from hair, 
she took in other sights…the eyebrows that seemed to always threaten to blend 
together into one solid bar above Laura's eyebrows, no doubt the reason for the 
tweezers that always sat on the shelf next to the toothbrushes. A slight bump at 
the bridge of the nose, caused according to Laura by forgetting the laws of 
physics and applying the front brake of her ten speed without also engaging the 
rear one. Crystal also knew her roommate had a different accident on her bicycle 
resulting in a broken wrist when she was twelve but there was no permanent 
evidence of that one. Realizing she was no longer sneaking glances but actually 
staring, Crystal blushed slightly and turned her attention back to the plate in 
front of her. She offered her compliments on the meal without singling out any 
particular person, pleased when Gail, Bobby and Laura smiled, obviously all 
three believing they were responsible for the way dinner turned out.
"So Crystal," Helen said. "Any idea who you're going to vote for?"
"Uh no, not yet," she lied, knowing the older woman was referring to the 
upcoming presidential election. She planned on voting democratic but know 
Laura's mother was a republican and didn't want to get into a discussion about 
politics.
"Aunt Helen, you know politics and religion are two subjects that don't make for 
good conversation," Laura said admonishingly. Crystal suspected the writer was 
trying to steer her aunt away from any subject that might start a disagreement.
"My friends and I often have lively discussions about politics," Helen 
protested, then sighed. "But I suppose we can find another avenue to talk about. 
Do you think the Yankees have a chance this year?"
Bobby jumped at that one. "Are you kidding? With their shortstop there's no way 
they're going to miss the playoffs. He doesn't let anything get past him."
"He can't catch the ones that go over the fence and I think the Mets are going 
to be the only New York team we'll see in the postseason," Laura said. "Seven 
people in their starting lineup are still batting over three hundred and it's 
almost September."
"That's because they're in the National League where there aren't any good 
pitchers," he argued, stabbing at his chicken with his fork. "The Bronx Bombers 
will come back, you wait and see."
"How my two children could grow up in a home that loves the Red Sox and be fans 
of New York teams, I'll never know," Gail said in a much put upon voice. She 
looked at Crystal. "You should have seen how she was in eighty six," she said, 
referring to Laura. "Her father was still alive at that time and we were all 
watching game six in the living room." Her eyes grew distant as she relayed the 
memory. "You should have seen her. The Mets were on the verge of losing it all, 
down to their last out and her father was ecstatic. Laura just sat there pouting 
and pulling that stupid Mets hat down over her eyes."
"But the Mets won that year, didn't they?" Crystal asked.
"Yeah but only because the Red Sucks first baseman let the ball bobble through 
his legs," Bobby said. Looking to the left, Crystal noticed the smile on Laura's 
face.
"All's fair in love war and the world series," Laura said. "Dad was pretty 
upset. I never heard him swear so much but all I could do was jump around the 
room for joy."
"And your father was most appreciative of the way you tore through the newspaper 
the next morning, making sure to point out the headline of the sports section to 
him," Gail said with a touch of reproach in her voice.
"I was just a teenager then, Mom," Laura defended, the smile leaving her face.
"Of course you were, pumpkin," Helen said. "So what about you, Crystal? What 
team do you like?"
Crystal suspected no one really cared which team she did or did not like but 
sensed that Helen was trying to bring her into the conversation. Putting her 
fork down, she took a moment to dab at her lips with the napkin. "I don't really 
care about baseball."
"I suggest being a Mets fan if you want any peace," Bobby said. "Especially 
since they're in first place and there's only ten games left to the regular 
season. If they make the playoffs, I'm sure Sis will be watching every game on 
TV." A wicked smirk came to his face and he looked at his sister although he 
continued to speak to Crystal. "Then again, if you rooted whatever teams were 
playing against the Mets, it'd certainly make Laura flip her lid."
"Now don't you go giving her ideas," Laura warned.
"Aw why not?" he teased. "You need someone to give you a hard time since I can't 
be there to do it." He gave an impish smile which his sister returned with a 
smile that was anything but friendly.
"Keep it up and I'll email you a virus," Laura threatened.
"And I'll put your phone number all over the bathroom walls at school," he 
playfully threatened back.
"All right, enough of that, you two," their mother admonished. "Honestly, it's 
just like when they were younger," she said to Helen who nodded in agreement.
"Why do you think I never took the two of them for visits at the same time?" 
Helen asked. "I knew better."
Crystal listened to the conversation going on around her. She could never 
remember a peaceful dinner with her own family, most being made up of TV dinners 
eaten off trays in the living room with Patty while her mother slept off her 
day's drinking. The big holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas usually were 
marked by her father making loud and disparaging remarks about whatever member 
of the family was hosting the event and usually ending with loud arguments 
between her parents once they were home. Crystal doubted Laura had ever 
experienced anything like that and wondered if she would be invited back for 
another dinner once the holidays came around. Crystal was surprised to find she 
was hoping for just that.
After dinner Bobby offered to clear the table while Laura made coffee and Helen 
and Gail went to the living room. Unsure what to do with herself, Crystal 
excused herself and stepped outside for a cigarette. Assuming that the sisters 
were chatting away happily, she was surprised when the back door opened and 
Helen stepped out, her silver cigarette case in hand. "Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all," Crystal said, motioning at an empty chair. The veranda was framed 
in red brick, contrasting nicely with the cream colored furniture and the deep 
green grass surrounding it. "It's very nice out here," she commented.
"Gail paid a fortune to have someone do the landscaping," Helen explained. "I 
remember she used to have this god awful oak tree right in the middle of the 
yard. It was fine for the kids to climb or put a swing on but it ruined the 
whole effect of the yard." The older woman took a puff of her cigarette, the 
filtered end ringed with her lipstick. "So what did you think of dinner?"
"It was very good. I enjoyed it," Crystal offered, her expression turning to one 
of confusion when she saw Helen shake her head and smile.
"I didn't mean the food," she explained. "I get the feeling that you're not one 
for being around a lot of people. You tried very hard to avoid joining in any of 
the discussions unless you were asked a direct question."
Crystal blinked and took a drag of her cigarette, surprised that her quietness 
had been picked up on. "I guess I'm not much for social things. I never know 
what to say."
Helen laughed. "Honey this wasn't a social occasion, this was just family 
getting together for dinner."
"I'm not family," the blonde pointed out.
"So it was family plus one," Helen corrected. "You looked so uncomfortable I 
thought you were going to bolt out the door when I took your hand for grace."
"I'm just not used to it," Crystal said. "It's not something my family ever 
did."
Helen nodded and was quiet for a minute. "You know if there was something going 
on between you and my niece that I wouldn't mind." Crystal looked up quickly and 
opened her mouth to protest but was stopped by the older woman's upraised hand. 
"Now I know what both of you have said and judging from the way both of your 
bedrooms look it seems to be the case but don't think I didn't notice the way 
you two act around each other either. I may be over fifty but I'm not blind to 
the signs." She stubbed the half finished cigarette into the pie tin being used 
as a makeshift ashtray. "Personally I think the two of you are just not looking 
at what's right in front of your faces."
"I'm not gay," Crystal said, wondering just what 'signs' Helen had seen. Was it 
the way Laura caressed her hand during grace? The gentle touches on the 
shoulder?
"So you say," Helen said, not sounding at all convinced of that fact. "You told 
me the other day that you haven't been in any serious relationships so how do 
you know?"
"I…" Stymied, Crystal tried to think of an answer. Of course she was straight, 
right? After all, she had never been with a woman and never looked as a woman as 
a sexual partner. The fact she felt closer to Laura than anyone else in her 
current life didn't mean that she wanted to pursue a lesbian relationship with 
her. No, Laura was just a good friend who held her when she cried, who made 
dinner every night and took the time to listen whenever she needed to talk. They 
were just close because they lived together, right? "I…" Crystal swallowed and 
tried again. "It's just not anything I've ever thought about." She took a final 
drag of her cigarette and put it out in the ashtray.
"Perhaps you should," Helen said gently, reaching up with her fingers to 
straighten out the wild mess of platinum hair being blown by the gentle breeze. 
"I may be a hopeless romantic but I know that love sometimes shows up in the 
most unexpected places. You shouldn't shut the doors without at least taking a 
look at what's inside." Just then the door opened and Laura stuck her head out.
"Hey, I found the old home movies and Bobby just went to the attic to get the 
screen. Crystal, do you want to watch some boring home movies?"
"Oh," Helen said excitedly, pushing herself up from her chair. "I haven't seen 
those in years. You were such a cute little girl."
"Sure, sounds like fun," Crystal said, rising from her chair as well. From the 
portraits and photos lining the walls of the house, she had a good idea of how 
Laura looked as a child but to actually see a home movie would give a life to 
those images. It also helped that the movies would serve as a way to end the 
conversation between her and Helen. The older woman entered the house first and 
Crystal was very aware of Laura holding the door open for her and the way the 
writer's hand seemed to brush her shoulder as she walked past.
"What?" Laura asked, causing Crystal to realize she had been staring.
"Oh nothing, just got lost in thought, I guess," the blonde woman replied 
lamely, hoping her answer did not sound as stupid to Laura as it did to her. The 
living room boasted two chairs and a low couch. Bobby rearranged the furniture 
so they were all facing the portable movie screen and took his seat on the right 
side of the couch while Gail and Helen took possession of the chairs. Feeling 
that it would look silly to sit on the floor when there was space available on 
the couch, Crystal took a seat at the left end, leaving the center for Laura, 
who was busy threading the film through the projector. When Laura did sit down, 
Crystal decided the couch wasn't as wide as she had originally thought. Her body 
was pressed against Laura from hip to shoulder. The film was starting, showing a 
gangly girl of ten and a baby dressed in blue sitting on the grass in front of a 
house.
"Forgot the lights," Bobby said, rising to his feet. Crystal looked over at 
Helen, surprised to see the older woman looking back with a knowing smile on her 
face. Crystal wanted to scowl but thought it inappropriate since she was a guest 
and turned her attention to the screen where the scene had changed to show 
Laura's mother and a big burly man with short white hair that she could only 
assume was Laura's father. Crystal started when she felt warm breath near her 
ear.
"There really are some funny parts in here," Laura whispered. "Like when Bobby 
climbed into the fish tank trying to catch Dad's prized angel fish. Mom caught 
it and filmed it before Dad got home."
"Uh huh," Crystal murmured, hoping Laura would turn her attention back to the 
screen, certain that Helen could somehow see in the dark and was smiling at 
them.

"That wasn't so bad," Laura said as she backed the Jeep out of the driveway.
"It was fine. Your family is very nice," Crystal said, looking out the passenger 
window as the Taylor house slowly slipped out of sight.
"I don't think Mom had to break out the photo albums, especially the baby 
pictures."
"Oh I thought those were cute, especially the tub pictures." Crystal said but 
the teasing tone that should have been there was conspicuously absent.
"Is something bothering you?" Laura ventured.
"Naw, just have a lot on my mind," came the dismissive answer. It didn't satisfy 
the writer at all, especially when she looked over and saw the faraway look on 
Crystal's face.
"It helps to share."
"Naw, I just need to think some things out." Clearly it wasn't a subject that 
Crystal wanted to share. Laura tried twice more on the ride home to initiate a 
conversation only to give up when she could not get anything more than one or 
two word answers. When they arrived home, Crystal said her good nights and 
immediately disappeared into her bedroom, leaving Laura to wonder what had 
happened at her mother's house to have such an effect on the younger woman's 
mood.