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Live Free

by Karen Bergstrahl

 

Tom Musgrove peered carefully around the door. This close to midnight few of the staff should be around. Down at the end of the hallway he could hear moaning. "That's the way, Stan, get the nurses' attention," Tom muttered under his breath before he remembered that Stan Zaleski had been dead a year or so. Whoever had Stan's old room was making enough of a fuss to bring the head nurse galloping by. Tom stood still, or as still as an eighty-three year old man with arthritis and pneumonia could. The nurse never noticed him at his door; she was gesturing to a pair of aides coming from the side hallway. When the trio disappeared into the far room Tom waited. He wanted their full attention on the patient in that room and not on him.

Cautiously Tom stuck first one cane out and then the other and dragging his reluctant legs after them. "Can't fall now. Got too far to go." He murmured curses at his creaky old joints. A cough bubbled up and he leaned against the wall until it was finished wringing him out. Damned pneumonia. The "old man's friend" it was called when he was a kid. Eased a man out of life when he was too old and too weak to do useful work. Then antibiotics and all the other medicines came along, letting a man outlive his usefulness without half trying. Well, the Ring of Fire had changed that. Pneumonia was back along with a bunch of other diseases from Musgrove's childhood.

Dying, he thought, as he made his way one shambling step after another, wasn't hard. He'd never wanted to lie on a bed with tubes sprouting like weeds from every part of his body, his mouth hanging open, and his eyes staring at the ceiling. His father had lain that way for six months until the doctors couldn't find a vein strong enough to run another IV and the old man was allowed to die. It had cost the old man his dignity, his savings, and his house. Tom's mother lasted another five years before it was her turn to go. She'd come back to Grantville where her doctor knew her well enough not to stick her full of tubes. She'd passed on in possession of her wits and with her grandkids around her.

Nope, dying wasn't the problem. It was what you had to go through to die that bothered him. At least back here in this Year of Our Lord 1635 the doctors had a harder time keeping you from checking out quickly. A man had a chance to die with his dignity still intact.

The door at the end of the hall was open and he could see through it to the front entrance. A single lamp dimly lit the area. To Tom's relief the little red light over the front door was out. He'd heard from one of the cleaning crew that the alarm system was broken. It was that tossed off comment that made him think that his plan might work. With the alarm system down no loud siren would go off when the front door was opened at night.

The sofa and overstuffed chairs beckoned him, seducing him with thoughts of easing his aching bones in the depths of their cushions. "Sit down now and I'm never getting up," he hissed, surprised by how attractive the idea of scrapping his plan in return for a comfortable chair was. Grimly he clomped, right cane, left cane, right foot, left foot, over to the front door. Bracing against the left cane he pushed the door open. No siren. No sound, just crisp fresh air.

The cold air brought another coughing spell, this one short but painful. Tom looked back along the hallway, afraid the cold air might alert some staff member. He wasn't worried about the coughing—half the patients in the nursing home coughed long and loud throughout the night. One more thing he hated about the nursing home. He hadn't had a good night's sleep since coming here.

He tottered through the open door, painfully turning to gently close it behind him. Free at last! Now, should he take the ramp or the steps? Better the ramp. He'd fallen on the steps at Christmas and his hip still ached. Now that he was outside he didn't have to worry so much about noise and the farther he got along the driveway the less chance there was of some busybody seeing him.

Turning, he eased on down the ramp, pausing at the bottom to catch his breath and to cough again. This time it was deep coughs, the kind that wracked his whole body. By clutching the handrail Tom kept standing. When the coughing ended he slowly and painfully finished inching off the ramp.

Finally his feet were on the blacktop of the drive. The only light came faintly up the street from a gas lamp at the corner. It was, he decided, a curse and a blessing. No one in the nursing home would be able to see him on the driveway but he wasn't able to see any stones or potholes in his path. Firmly on the plus side was that he was on the driveway and there was no sign of any pursuit.

Forty-five minutes and several coughing sessions later he stood on another blacktop driveway. This one was down the block and across the street from the nursing home. At one end was a garage that had been converted into a two-horse stable. Actually the old two-story garage had been converted back to a stable. It pre-dated cars and had still held horses and a buggy when he was a kid. Funny how things in town had gotten twisted and turned inside out by the Ring of Fire. Or, in the case of this garage, returned to their beginnings.

Inside the reconverted garage one of the horses snuffled and snorted softly at the scent of a stranger outside. Tom automatically made a soft shushing sound and the horse quieted down. Another problem he didn't need was having the horses' owners wake up. He eyed the big door and the smaller one to the side. The smaller one would have to do—he didn't think he could get the big one open.

Once inside the stable Tom leaned against a stack of hay bales. A couple of more coughs shook him and he was grateful for the solid support. Taking the chance that no one in the house was awake he felt along the wall for a light switch. He found it on the right side; two steps in from the door. Blinking in the brightness of a forty-watt bulb Tom looked around. Two equine heads looked back at him. To his left was a big bay with the small ears, wide brow, and small muzzle of a Quarterhorse giving him a quizzical look. On the right a little white mare nickered softly in recognition. Tom smiled, leaned his right cane on the hay and rubbed the mare's face.

"Hello, my little China Doll. I've been watching you for months—since they first brought you here. Old girl, I'm so glad you're still being well taken care of." The window of his room overlooked this barn and he'd been surprised to see this old friend grazing in the small pasture next to the barn. He'd watched in pride as she calmly carried a pair of children off to school. A jealous pang hit him when he saw the boy getting her to bow and shake hands. She had learned those tricks—and several more—from him years before.

Small, white, part Welsh pony, part who knows what, China Doll had been one of three ponies he'd purchased so the grandkids would have something to ride. Finding her smart and willing, Tom had taught her tricks and begun riding her to keep her in shape. He'd sold off the other two ponies when the kids had grown too big and found other things to do with their time, but he'd kept China Doll for himself. When the weather was good, the pair would ride up past the cemetery to the ridge above. If it was rainy or snowing, Tom spent time brushing China until her white hide gleamed.

Mary Jane had often teased him that he cared more for "that damned pony" than for her. Then the day had come when Mary Jane was diagnosed with cancer in her pancreas. Everything changed overnight.

"Old girl," Tom explained as he stroked the little mare. "I took Mary Jane up to the hospital in Pittsburgh. Didn't have time to think about anything or anyone else. We thought we'd be there for five or six months. That's how come Harry sold you off—he thought it would be too much trouble for me to keep you. Then Mary Jane was gone inside of three weeks." Tom shook his head. "At least death came fast for Mary Jane. When I brought her back you were gone. Harry told me he'd sold you to a kid in Fairmont."

The bay gelding, jealous of the attention to his stable mate, started kicking his stall door. Tom found grain in a metal trash can and scooped some out and into the bay's feedbox. A couple of flakes of hay followed. "That should keep you busy, fella," Tom grumbled affectionately. "Now, I've got to get on to business."

Two saddles rested on sawhorses and Tom smiled to see that one was his old saddle for China. "Well, girl, Lady Luck is running my way tonight." He slid the bolt back and tugged at the stall door. Whoever had rebuilt the stalls had done a good job. The big stall door glided easily along its tracks. China Doll stepped daintily out of the stall and stopped beside him, whiffling quietly, sniffing him, finally snorting at some smell clinging to his clothes.

Tom threw his arm across her back and cued her to walk forward. She hesitated for a moment and then moved slowly, a single carefully placed step at a time. He'd taught her this trick when the arthritis had gotten bad in his knees and ankles. Patiently she supported him and helped him shuffle to the saddles.

"Good girl, smart girl, wonderful girl. You haven't forgotten anything, have you, Doll?" Tom whispered. The pony flicked one ear back to listen and gave another soft snort. Tom laughed and stroked her neck. "That's my Doll! Whoa, girl. Let me think about what I've got to do next."

Shifting his weight back to his cane, Tom reached down and unbuckled her blanket. With a grin he gave her another cue and laughed as she grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it off her back. A gleam in her eyes showed that she not only remembered this trick but also was enjoying performing it for him. He cued her again and the pony dropped the blanket into a heap in front of her.

Tom ran his free hand over China Doll's back and sides. Not only did her winter coat gleam but it was free of dirt and old sweat. That wasn't easy to accomplish with a white horse. "Somebody's been taking good care of you, Doll. Real good care. I've worried about that." Tears trickled down Tom's cheeks as he leaned on Doll, stroking her neck and straightening her mane. "Thought so, from what I could see out that damned little window but it's good to know for certain. I'm borrowing your four good legs, girl. Just for a little while. You'll be home in time to take your kids to school."

Getting the saddle blanket on one-handed wasn't hard. Nor was making sure that it was on just right, no wrinkles or bunching. The saddle was a different matter. Tom leaned against Doll's side studying the matter. Finally he laid his canes across the other saddle and took hold of Doll's saddle with both hands. A surge of strength came to him from someplace and he was able to pivot and place the saddle gently on Doll's back. While the strength flowed he flipped the cinch off the horn and started to bend down. Warning pains in his back flared. In exasperation he muttered a curse and reached for one of his canes. Reversing the cane, he used the handle to hook the dangling cinch and pull it up. Once the cinch ring was in his hands it was a matter of seconds to thread the latigo through the ring. His hands worked quickly and confidently and the cinch was tight.

"Now let's see, Doll. Are you holding out on me? Do you still take a deep breath when you're cinched up? Tina didn't think it was so funny when she ended up under you that time. See, girl. I'm not so young any more. I need your help." China Doll turned her head and blew her warm breath across his face. She nodded her head and grunted and the cinch suddenly hung loose. Tom stroked her face, rubbing behind the ears just the way the white mare loved. Wise to the ways of even the smartest and most generous of ponies, Tom rapidly pulled the cinch tight and neatly tucked the latigo end into its keeper.

"Now, girl, we have a couple of problems. I've got you out of here and get onto your back. We're going to walk out the small door, Doll. You can do it, I've been watching you. The boy can't get the big door open, either. He takes you out the small one all the time. Mind, Doll, there isn't any need to snort and carry on with me. I know what a smart girl you are and I know you aren't afraid of that door. Not my China Doll." While he was talking to the mare Tom retrieved his other cane and hooked it over the saddle horn.

With his arm across the saddle, man and pony crossed the stable floor to stand in front of the smaller door. Hanging up on hooks by the door were two bridles. Doll stopped, turning her head toward Tom. He chuckled, coughed, and slowly stepped in front of her. Taking hold of a bit of her mane behind her ears he opened the door and eased out. The mare followed him quietly. Outside she drew a deep breath, sampling the night scents.

From somewhere down the block a dog barked halfheartedly. Tom looked around, checking to see if anyone responded. Up the block the lights of the nursing home shone steadily. Best of all, there was nothing to indicate anyone there knew one of the inmates had escaped.

"Okay, girl. Let's see if I can get my old carcass into the saddle one more time." With only a couple of unsteady moves Tom managed to scramble into the saddle. Once there a sense of peace came over him. The mare stood still and rock steady, only her breathing indicating she wasn't a statue. Tom sat still, feeling the warmth of China Doll under him, enjoying her strength, and wondering again at the willingness of horses to carry people. A faint gray on the horizon told him it was later, far later, than he'd thought.

Looking down, Tom realized he had dropped his canes. "No matter. I don't need them when I've got you, Doll." With a slight squeeze of his legs he set China Doll walking out and up the street. Together in companionable silence, the pair clopped up the streets and through the sleeping town. China Doll seemed to know where Tom wanted to go; any cues he was giving her were unconscious. Up they went, up old familiar trails they hadn't been along for years.

Finally, at the cemetery gate China Doll hesitated. She turned her head back as if to ask where Tom wanted to go. "Yes, girl. Clever, clever Doll. This time we go in. Mary Jane's here, waiting. The rest of the family is, too, girl. Grandpa Sam would have loved you, Doll. He's the one who taught me about horses. He's waiting here. So's my little sister, Lizzie. She loved horses and ponies. Always had an apple or sugar cube in her pocket. She would have loved to pet you and feed you pieces of her apple. The diphtheria got her, Doll, when little Elizabeth was just ten. Here we are, Doll. That's Mary Jane's place there and here, next to her is my place."

Tom sat looking over the gravestones marking his relatives' graves. Some were old and badly worn, the lettering hard to make out. Others were still clear. Clearest and sharpest of all was Mary Jane Stull Musgrove. The sky was light enough to read the markers if Tom had needed to. He knew these graves, knew which belonged to Grandpa Samuel Edward Musgrove, to his great aunt Edna Catherine Musgrove, and that the little one under the tree was marked "Elizabeth Edna Musgrove." All his relatives were gathered here in this little corner of a West Virginia graveyard.

Tom knew where every grave was and who was buried in it. He knew what relation they were to him and he knew their stories. He knew which relatives were missing. Uncle Vern and Great Uncle Ed had been killed in WWI and buried in France. Cousins Bobby Joe and Johnny were also buried in France, killed in the Normandy Invasion. His older brother Steve wasn't there, either. He had been shot down somewhere in the Pacific. Farther back there were a couple of others that hadn't come back from Cuba, or the Philippines. Several graves were missing for those who had died in the Civil War.

China Doll shifted under Tom and her movement brought him out of his thoughts. "Sorry, girl. Didn't mean to keep you waiting around in the cold like this." Groaning, Tom managed to dismount without falling. He patted the mare on her neck, enjoying her warmth and the feel of her muscles under the white hide. "Time for you to go, Doll. You'll have to hustle to be back in time for school." He pushed her head away and slapped her on the shoulder. "Go on, Doll. Get!"

The mare trotted off a few steps and stopped. She turned around and eyed him questioningly. "Go, Doll. You got me here, that's all you have to do." Tom wheezed. His lungs rasped wetly and he began to cough. Stepping back he leaned against his grandfather's gravestone. "Go home, Doll. I've done what I meant to," he managed to get out before more coughs claimed his attention.

China Doll paced slowly forward until she stood beside Tom. She stood patiently by his side until the coughs subsided. "Go home, Doll. It's cold out here. Your breakfast is back in your nice warm barn," Tom protested to the silent pony. "Oh, Doll. Your part is done. You've helped me escape that God-awful place with its people poking and prodding me. They won't leave a man alone there. Won't let him die in peace and dignity. Hell, Doll, They put diapers on me 'cause I move too slow to get to the pot." He wheezed a bit and continued his plea to the mare. "I've always lived free. Figure I should be able to die free, too. Let 'em keep what little real medicines they have for the young folk who still have lives to live."

Tom took hold of China Doll's saddle and pulled himself beside her. Clutching the cantle he managed to move his feet until he was standing next to his wife's grave. Using the stirrup leathers he lowered himself down until he was seated next to Mary Jane. A feeling of peace eased his heart and he found himself able to cross his legs without pain. A chuckle escaped him. "We beat 'em, Doll. We beat 'em."

* * *

By the time the sun rose fully the police found both the missing nursing home resident and the stolen pony. As the cruiser turned in the gateway the white mare lifted her head and nickered. The man seated on the ground didn't move.

"How the heck do you figure he managed this?" The older cop mused. "I mean, from the description we got, old man Musgrove was too sick and crippled up to get out of bed. He must have had a powerful reason. "

"Man, it's cold out here," commented the younger cop. "Call it in. With any luck the funeral home will send somebody quick. I don't want to stand around all day. Graveyards always give me the creeps."

 

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