here was music from my neighbor's house through the summer nights.
In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the
whisperings and the champagne and the stars. At high tide in the
afternoon I watched his guests diving from the tower of his raft, or
taking the sun on the hot sand of his beach while his two motor-boats
slit the waters of the Sound, drawing aquaplanes over cataracts of
foam. On week-ends his Rolls-Royce became an omnibus, bearing parties
to and from the city between nine in the morning and long past
midnight, while his station wagon scampered like a brisk yellow bug to
meet all trains. And on Mondays eight servants, including an extra
gardener, toiled all day with mops and scrubbing-brushes and hammers
and garden-shears, repairing the ravages of the night before.
Every Friday five crates of oranges and lemons arrived from a
fruiterer in New York - every Monday these same oranges and lemons left
his back door in a pyramid of pulpless halves. There was a machine in
the kitchen which could extract the juice of two hundred oranges in
half an hour if a little button was pressed two hundred times by a
butler's thumb.
At least once a fortnight a corps of caterers came down with
several hundred feet of canvas and enough colored lights to make a
Christmas tree of Gatsby's enormous garden. On buffet tables, garnished
with glistening hors-d'oeuvre, spiced baked hams crowded against salads
of harlequin designs and pastry pigs and turkeys bewitched to a dark
gold. In the main hall a bar with a real brass rail was set up, and
stocked with gins and liquors and with cordials so long forgotten that
most of his female guests were too young to know one from another.
By seven o'clock the orchestra has arrived, no thin five-piece
affair, but a whole pitful of oboes and trombones and saxophones and
viols and cornets and piccolos, and low and high drums. The last
swimmers have come in from the beach now and are dressing up-stairs;
the cars from New York are parked five deep in the drive, and already
the halls and salons and verandas are gaudy with primary colors, and
hair shorn in strange new ways, and shawls beyond the dreams of
Castile.
The bar is in full swing, and floating rounds of cocktails permeate
the garden outside, until the air is alive with chatter and laughter,
and casual innuendo and introductions forgotten on the spot, and
enthusiastic meetings between women who never knew each other's names.
The lights grow brighter as the earth lurches away from the sun,
and now the orchestra is playing yellow cocktail music, and the opera
of voices pitches a key higher. Laughter is easier minute by minute,
spilled with prodigality, tipped out at a cheerful word. The groups
change more swiftly, swell with new arrivals, dissolve and form in the
same breath; already there are wanderers, confident girls who weave
here and there among the stouter and more stable, become for a sharp,
joyous moment the centre of a group, and then, excited with triumph,
glide on through the sea-change of faces and voices and color under the
constantly changing light.
Suddenly one of the gypsies, in trembling opal, seizes a cocktail
out of the air, dumps it down for courage and, moving her hands like
Frisco, dances out alone on the canvas platform. A momentary hush; the
orchestra leader varies his rhythm obligingly for her, and there is a
burst of chatter as the erroneous news goes around that she is Gilda
Gray's understudy from the "Follies." The party has begun.
I believe that on the first night I went to Gatsby's house I was
one of the few guests who had actually been invited. People were not
invited - they went there. They got into automobiles which bore them
out to Long Island, and somehow they ended up at Gatsby's door. Once
there they were introduced by somebody who knew Gatsby, and after that
they conducted themselves according to the rules of behavior associated
with amusement parks. Sometimes they came and went without having met
Gatsby at all, came for the party with a simplicity of heart that was
its own ticket of admission.
I had been actually invited. A chauffeur in a uniform of
robin's-egg blue crossed my lawn early that Saturday morning with a
surprisingly formal note from his employer: the honor would be entirely
Gatsby's, it said, if I would attend his "little party." that night.
He had seen me several times, and had intended to call on me long
before, but a peculiar combination of circumstances had prevented it - signed Jay Gatsby, in a majestic hand.
Dressed up in white flannels I went over to his lawn a little after
seven, and wandered around rather ill at ease among swirls and eddies
of people I didn't know - though here and there was a face I had
noticed on the commuting train. I was immediately struck by the number
of young Englishmen dotted about; all well dressed, all looking a
little hungry, and all talking in low, earnest voices to solid and
prosperous Americans. I was sure that they were selling something:
bonds or insurance or automobiles. They were at least agonizingly aware
of the easy money in the vicinity and convinced that it was theirs for
a few words in the right key.
As soon as I arrived I made an attempt to find my host, but the two
or three people of whom I asked his whereabouts stared at me in such an
amazed way, and denied so vehemently any knowledge of his movements,
that I slunk off in the direction of the cocktail table - the only
place in the garden where a single man could linger without looking
purposeless and alone.
I was on my way to get roaring drunk from sheer embarrassment when
Jordan Baker came out of the house and stood at the head of the marble
steps, leaning a little backward and looking with contemptuous interest
down into the garden.
Welcome or not, I found it necessary to attach myself to some one
before I should begin to address cordial remarks to the passers-by.
"Hello!" I roared, advancing toward her. My voice seemed
unnaturally loud across the garden.
"I thought you might be here," she responded absently as I came up.
"I remembered you lived next door to - -." She held my hand
impersonally, as a promise that she'd take care of me in a minute, and
gave ear to two girls in twin yellow dresses, who stopped at the foot
of the steps.
"Hello!" they cried together.
"Sorry you didn't win." That was for the golf tournament. She had
lost in the finals the week before.
"You don't know who we are," said one of the girls in yellow, "but
we met you here about a month ago." "You've dyed your hair since then,"
remarked Jordan, and I started, but the girls had moved casually on and
her remark was addressed to the premature moon, produced like the
supper, no doubt, out of a caterer's basket. With Jordan's slender
golden arm resting in mine, we descended the steps and sauntered about
the garden. A tray of cocktails floated at us through the twilight, and
we sat down at a table with the two girls in yellow and three men, each
one introduced to us as Mr. Mumble.
"Do you come to these parties often?" inquired Jordan of the girl
beside her. "The last one was the one I met you at," answered the girl,
in an alert confident voice. She turned to her companion: "Wasn't it
for you, Lucille?" It was for Lucille, too.
"I like to come," Lucille said.
"I never care what I do, so I always have a good time. When I was
here last I tore my gown on a chair, and he asked me my name and
address - inside of a week I got a package from Croirier's with a new
evening gown in it."
"Did you keep it?" asked Jordan.
"Sure I did. I was going to wear it to-night, but it was too big in
the bust and had to be altered.
It was gas blue with lavender beads. Two hundred and sixty-five
dollars."
"There's something funny about a fellow that'll do a thing like
that," said the other girl eagerly.
"He doesn't want any trouble with anybody."
"Who doesn't?" I inquired.
"Gatsby. Somebody told me - -." The two girls and Jordan leaned
together confidentially.
"Somebody told me they thought he killed a man once." A thrill
passed over all of us. The three Mr.
Mumbles bent forward and listened eagerly.
"I don't think it's so much that," argued Lucille sceptically;
"it's more that he was a German spy during the war." One of the men
nodded in confirmation.
"I heard that from a man who knew all about him, grew up with him
in Germany," he assured us positively.
"Oh, no," said the first girl, "it couldn't be that, because he was
in the American army during the war." As our credulity switched back to
her she leaned forward with enthusiasm.
"You look at him sometimes when he thinks nobody's looking at him.
I'll bet he killed a man." She narrowed her eyes and shivered.
Lucille shivered.
We all turned and looked around for Gatsby.
It was testimony to the romantic speculation he inspired that there
were whispers about him from those who found little that it was
necessary to whisper about in this world.
The first supper - there would be another one after midnight - was
now being served, and Jordan invited me to join her own party, who were
spread around a table on the other side of the garden.
There were three married couples and Jordan's escort, a persistent
undergraduate given to violent innuendo, and obviously under the
impression that sooner or later Jordan was going to yield him up her
person to a greater or lesser degree. Instead of rambling, this party
had preserved a dignified homogeneity, and assumed to itself the
function of representing the staid nobility of the country-side - East
Egg condescending to West Egg, and carefully on guard against its
spectroscopic gayety.
"Let's get out," whispered Jordan, after a somehow wasteful and
inappropriate half-hour.
"This is much too polite for me." We got up, and she explained that
we were going to find the host: I had never met him, she said, and it
was making me uneasy. The undergraduate nodded in a cynical, melancholy
way.
The bar, where we glanced first, was crowded, but Gatsby was not
there. She couldn't find him from the top of the steps, and he wasn't
on the veranda. On a chance we tried an important-looking door, and
walked into a high Gothic library, panelled with carved English oak,
and probably transported complete from some ruin overseas.
A stout, middle-aged man, with enormous owl-eyed spectacles, was
sitting somewhat drunk on the edge of a great table, staring with
unsteady concentration at the shelves of books. As we entered he
wheeled excitedly around and examined Jordan from head to foot.
"What do you think?" he demanded impetuously.
"About what?" He waved his hand toward the book-shelves.
"About that. As a matter of fact you needn't bother to ascertain. I
ascertained. They're real."
"The books?" He nodded.
"Absolutely real - have pages and everything. I thought they'd be a
nice durable cardboard. Matter of fact, they're absolutely real. Pages
and - Here! Lemme show you." Taking our scepticism for granted, he
rushed to the bookcases and returned with Volume One of the "Stoddard
Lectures."
"See!" he cried triumphantly.
"It's a bona-fide piece of printed matter. It fooled me. This
fella's a regular Belasco. It's a triumph. What thoroughness! What
realism! Knew when to stop, too - didn't cut the pages. But what do you
want? What do you expect?" He snatched the book from me and replaced it
hastily on its shelf, muttering that if one brick was removed the whole
library was liable to collapse.
"Who brought you?" he demanded.
"Or did you just come? I was brought. Most people were brought."
Jordan looked at him alertly, cheerfully, without answering.
"I was brought by a woman named Roosevelt," he continued.
"Mrs. Claud Roosevelt. Do you know her? I met her somewhere last
night. I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might
sober me up to sit in a library."
"Has it?" "A little bit, I think. I can't tell yet. I've only been
here an hour. Did I tell you about the books? They're real. They're - -."
"You told us." We shook hands with him gravely and went back
outdoors.
There was dancing now on the canvas in the garden; old men pushing
young girls backward in eternal graceless circles, superior couples
holding each other tortuously, fashionably, and keeping in the corners
- and a great number of single girls dancing individualistically or
relieving the orchestra for a moment of the burden of the banjo or the
traps.
By midnight the hilarity had increased. A celebrated tenor had sung
in Italian, and a notorious contralto had sung in jazz, and between the
numbers people were doing "stunts." all over the garden, while happy,
vacuous bursts of laughter rose toward the summer sky. A pair of stage
twins, who turned out to be the girls in yellow, did a baby act in
costume, and champagne was served in glasses bigger than finger-bowls.
The moon had risen higher, and floating in the Sound was a triangle of
silver scales, trembling a little to the stiff, tinny drip of the
banjoes on the lawn.
I was still with Jordan Baker. We were sitting at a table with a
man of about my age and a rowdy little girl, who gave way upon the
slightest provocation to uncontrollable laughter. I was enjoying myself
now. I had taken two finger-bowls of champagne, and the scene had
changed before my eyes into something significant, elemental, and
profound.
At a lull in the entertainment the man looked at me and smiled.
"Your face is familiar," he said, politely.
"Weren't you in the Third Division during the war?" "Why, yes. I
was in the Ninth Machine-gun Battalion." "I was in the Seventh Infantry
until June nineteen-eighteen.
I knew I'd seen you somewhere before." We talked for a moment about
some wet, gray little villages in France. Evidently he lived in this
vicinity, for he told me that he had just bought a hydroplane, and was
going to try it out in the morning.
"Want to go with me, old sport? Just near the shore along the
Sound."
"What time?"
"Any time that suits you best." It was on the tip of my tongue to
ask his name when Jordan looked around and smiled.
"Having a gay time now?" she inquired.
"Much better." I turned again to my new acquaintance.
"This is an unusual party for me. I haven't even seen the host. I
live over there - ." I waved my hand at the invisible hedge in the
distance, "and this man Gatsby sent over his chauffeur with an
invitation." For a moment he looked at me as if he failed to
understand.
"I'm Gatsby," he said suddenly.
"What!" I exclaimed. "Oh, I beg your pardon." "I thought you knew,
old sport. I'm afraid I'm not a very good host." He smiled
understandingly - much more than understandingly.
It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal
reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life.
It faced - or seemed to face - the whole external world for an instant,
and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your
favor. It understood you just so far as you wanted to be understood,
believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured
you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you
hoped to convey. Precisely at that point it vanished - and I was
looking at an elegant young rough-neck, a year or two over thirty,
whose elaborate formality of speech just missed being absurd. Some time
before he introduced himself I'd got a strong impression that he was
picking his words with care.
Almost at the moment when Mr. Gatsby identified himself, a butler
hurried toward him with the information that Chicago was calling him on
the wire.
He excused himself with a small bow that included each of us in
turn.
"If you want anything just ask for it, old sport," he urged me.
"Excuse me. I will rejoin you later." When he was gone I turned
immediately to Jordan - constrained to assure her of my surprise. I had
expected that Mr. Gatsby would be a florid and corpulent person in his
middle years.
"Who is he?" I demanded.
"Do you know?"
"He's just a man named Gatsby." "Where is he from, I mean? And what
does he do?"
"Now you're started on the subject," she answered with a wan smile.
"Well, he told me once he was an Oxford man." A dim background
started to take shape behind him, but at her next remark it faded away.
"However, I don't believe it."
"Why not?" "I don't know," she insisted, "I just don't think he went
there." Something in her tone reminded me of the other girl's "I think
he killed a man," and had the effect of stimulating my curiosity. I
would have accepted without question the information that Gatsby sprang
from the swamps of Louisiana or from the lower East Side of New York.
That was comprehensible.
But young men didn't - at least in my provincial inexperience I
believed they didn't - drift coolly out of nowhere and buy a palace on
Long Island Sound.
"Anyhow, he gives large parties," said Jordan, changing the subject
with an urbane distaste for the concrete.
"And I like large parties. They're so intimate.
At small parties there isn't any privacy." There was the boom of a
bass drum, and the voice of the orchestra leader rang out suddenly
above the echolalia of the garden.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he cried.
"At the request of Mr. Gatsby we are going to play for you Mr.
Vladimir Tostoff's latest work, which attracted so much attention at
Carnegie Hall last May. If you read the papers, you know there was a
big sensation." He smiled with jovial condescension, and added: "Some
sensation!" Whereupon everybody laughed.
"The piece is known," he concluded lustily, "as 'Vladimir Tostoff's
Jazz History of the World.'." The nature of Mr. Tostoff's composition
eluded me, because just as it began my eyes fell on Gatsby, standing
alone on the marble steps and looking from one group to another with
approving eyes. His tanned skin was drawn attractively tight on his
face and his short hair looked as though it were trimmed every day. I
could see nothing sinister about him. I wondered if the fact that he
was not drinking helped to set him off from his guests, for it seemed
to me that he grew more correct as the fraternal hilarity increased.
When the "Jazz History of the World." was over, girls were putting
their heads on men's shoulders in a puppyish, convivial way, girls were
swooning backward playfully into men's arms, even into groups, knowing
that some one would arrest their falls - but no one swooned backward on
Gatsby, and no French bob touched Gatsby's shoulder, and no singing
quartets were formed with Gatsby's head for one link.
"I beg your pardon." Gatsby's butler was suddenly standing beside
us.
"Miss Baker?" he inquired.
"I beg your pardon, but Mr. Gatsby would like to speak to you
alone."
"With me?" she exclaimed in surprise.
"Yes, madame." She got up slowly, raising her eyebrows at me in
astonishment, and followed the butler toward the house. I noticed that
she wore her evening-dress, all her dresses, like sports clothes - there was a jauntiness about her movements as if she had first learned
to walk upon golf courses on clean, crisp mornings.
I was alone and it was almost two. For some time confused and
intriguing sounds had issued from a long, many-windowed room which
overhung the terrace. Eluding Jordan's undergraduate, who was now
engaged in an obstetrical conversation with two chorus girls, and who
implored me to join him, I went inside.
The large room was full of people. One of the girls in yellow was
playing the piano, and beside her stood a tall, red-haired young lady
from a famous chorus, engaged in song. She had drunk a quantity of
champagne, and during the course of her song she had decided, ineptly,
that everything was very, very sad - she was not only singing, she was
weeping too. Whenever there was a pause in the song she filled it with
gasping, broken sobs, and then took up the lyric again in a quavering
soprano.
The tears coursed down her cheeks - not freely, however, for when
they came into contact with her heavily beaded eyelashes they assumed
an inky color, and pursued the rest of their way in slow black
rivulets. A humorous suggestion was made that she sing the notes on her
face, whereupon she threw up her hands, sank into a chair, and went off
into a deep vinous sleep.
"She had a fight with a man who says he's her husband," explained a
girl at my elbow.
I looked around. Most of the remaining women were now having fights
with men said to be their husbands. Even Jordan's party, the quartet
from East Egg, were rent asunder by dissension. One of the men was
talking with curious intensity to a young actress, and his wife, after
attempting to laugh at the situation in a dignified and indifferent
way, broke down entirely and resorted to flank attacks - at intervals
she appeared suddenly at his side like an angry diamond, and hissed:
"You promised!" into his ear. 63 the reluctance to go home was not
confined to wayward men. The hall was at present occupied by two
deplorably sober men and their highly indignant wives. The wives were
sympathizing with each other in slightly raised voices.
"Whenever he sees I'm having a good time he wants to go home."
"Never heard anything so selfish in my life."
"We're always the first ones to leave."
"So are we." "Well, we're almost the last to-night," said one of the
men sheepishly.
"The orchestra left half an hour ago." In spite of the wives'
agreement that such malevolence was beyond credibility, the dispute
ended in a short struggle, and both wives were lifted, kicking, into
the night.
As I waited for my hat in the hall the door of the library opened
and Jordan Baker and Gatsby came out together. He was saying some last
word to her, but the eagerness in his manner tightened abruptly into
formality as several people approached him to say good-by.
Jordan's party were calling impatiently to her from the porch, but
she lingered for a moment to shake hands.
"I've just heard the most amazing thing," she whispered.
"How long were we in there?"
"Why, about an hour." "It was - simply amazing," she repeated
abstractedly.
"But I swore I wouldn't tell it and here I am tantalizing you." She
yawned gracefully in my face: "Please come and see me. . . . Phone
book.
. . . Under the name of Mrs. Sigourney Howard.
. . . My aunt. . . ." she was hurrying off as she talked - her
brown hand waved a jaunty salute as she melted into her party at the
door.
Rather ashamed that on my first appearance I had stayed so late, I
joined the last of Gatsby's guests, who were clustered around him. I
wanted to explain that I'd hunted for him early in the evening and to
apologize for not having known him in the garden.
"Don't mention it," he enjoined me eagerly.
"Don't give it another thought, old sport." The familiar expression
held no more familiarity than the hand which reassuringly brushed my
shoulder.
"And don't forget we're going up in the hydroplane to-morrow
morning, at nine o'clock." Then the butler, behind his shoulder:
"Philadelphia wants you on the 'phone, sir."
"All right, in a minute. Tell them I'll be right there. . . . good
night."
"Good night."
"Good night." He smiled - and suddenly there seemed to be a pleasant
significance in having been among the last to go, as if he had desired
it all the time.
"Good night, old sport. . . . good night." But as I walked down the
steps I saw that the evening was not quite over. Fifty feet from the
door a dozen headlights illuminated a bizarre and tumultuous scene. In
the ditch beside the road, right side up, but violently shorn of one
wheel, rested a new coupe which had left Gatsby's drive not two minutes
before. The sharp jut of a wall accounted for the detachment of the
wheel, which was now getting considerable attention from half a dozen
curious chauffeurs. However, as they had left their cars blocking the
road, a harsh, discordant din from those in the rear had been audible
for some time, and added to the already violent confusion of the scene.
A man in a long duster had dismounted from the wreck and now stood
in the middle of the road, looking from the car to the tire and from
the tire to the observers in a pleasant, puzzled way.
"See!" he explained.
"It went in the ditch." The fact was infinitely astonishing to him,
and I recognized first the unusual quality of wonder, and then the man
- it was the late patron of Gatsby's library.
"How'd it happen?" He shrugged his shoulders.
"I know nothing whatever about mechanics," he said decisively.
"But how did it happen? Did you run into the wall?" "Don't ask me,"
said Owl Eyes, washing his hands of the whole matter.
"I know very little about driving - next to nothing. It happened,
and that's all I know."
"Well, if you're a poor driver you oughtn't to try driving at
night."
"But I wasn't even trying," he explained indignantly, "I wasn't even
trying." An awed hush fell upon the bystanders.
"Do you want to commit suicide?"
"You're lucky it was just a wheel! A bad driver and not even
trying!" "You don't understand," explained the criminal.
"I wasn't driving. There's another man in the car." The shock that
followed this declaration found voice in a sustained "Ah-h-h!" as the
door of the coupe swung slowly open. The crowd - it was now a crowd - stepped back involuntarily, and when the door had opened wide there was
a ghostly pause.
Then, very gradually, part by part, a pale, dangling individual
stepped out of the wreck, pawing tentatively at the ground with a large
uncertain dancing shoe.
Blinded by the glare of the headlights and confused by the
incessant groaning of the horns, the apparition stood swaying for a
moment before he perceived the man in the duster.
"Wha's matter?" he inquired calmly.
"Did we run outa gas?"
"Look!" Half a dozen fingers pointed at the amputated wheel - he
stared at it for a moment, and then looked upward as though he
suspected that it had dropped from the sky.
"It came off," some one explained.
He nodded.
"At first I din' notice we'd stopped." A pause. Then, taking a long
breath and straightening his shoulders, he remarked in a determined
voice: "Wonder'ff tell me where there's a gas'line station?" At least a
dozen men, some of them little better off than he was, explained to him
that wheel and car were no longer joined by any physical bond.
"Back out," he suggested after a moment.
"Put her in reverse."
"But the wheel's off!" He hesitated.
"No harm in trying," he said.
The caterwauling horns had reached a crescendo and I turned away
and cut across the lawn toward home. I glanced back once. A wafer of a
moon was shining over Gatsby's house, making the night fine as before,
and surviving the laughter and the sound of his still glowing garden. A
sudden emptiness seemed to flow now from the windows and the great
doors, endowing with complete isolation the figure of the host, who
stood on the porch, his hand up in a formal gesture of farewell.
Reading over what I have written so far, I see I have given the
impression that the events of three nights several weeks apart were all
that absorbed me.
On the contrary, they were merely casual events in a crowded
summer, and, until much later, they absorbed me infinitely less than my
personal affairs.
Most of the time I worked. In the early morning the sun threw my
shadow westward as I hurried down the white chasms of lower New York to
the Probity Trust. I knew the other clerks and young bond-salesmen by
their first names, and lunched with them in dark, crowded restaurants
on little pig sausages and mashed potatoes and coffee. I even had a
short affair with a girl who lived in Jersey City and worked in the
accounting department, but her brother began throwing mean looks in my
direction, so when she went on her vacation in July I let it blow
quietly away.
I took dinner usually at the Yale Club - for some reason it was the
gloomiest event of my day - and then I went up-stairs to the library
and studied investments and securities for a conscientious hour.
There were generally a few rioters around, but they never came into
the library, so it was a good place to work. After that, if the night
was mellow, I strolled down Madison Avenue past the old Murray Hill
Hotel, and over 33d Street to the Pennsylvania Station.
I began to like New York, the racy, adventurous feel of it at
night, and the satisfaction that the constant flicker of men and women
and machines gives to the restless eye. I liked to walk up Fifth Avenue
and pick out romantic women from the crowd and imagine that in a few
minutes I was going to enter into their lives, and no one would ever
know or disapprove.
Sometimes, in my mind, I followed them to their apartments on the
corners of hidden streets, and they turned and smiled back at me before
they faded through a door into warm darkness. At the enchanted
metropolitan twilight I felt a haunting loneliness sometimes, and felt
it in others - poor young clerks who loitered in front of windows
waiting until it was time for a solitary restaurant dinner - young
clerks in the dusk, wasting the most poignant moments of night and
life.
Again at eight o'clock, when the dark lanes of the Forties were
five deep with throbbing taxi-cabs, bound for the theatre district, I
felt a sinking in my heart. Forms leaned together in the taxis as they
waited, and voices sang, and there was laughter from unheard jokes, and
lighted cigarettes outlined unintelligible 70 gestures inside.
Imagining that I, too, was hurrying toward gayety and sharing their
intimate excitement, I wished them well.
For a while I lost sight of Jordan Baker, and then in midsummer I
found her again. At first I was flattered to go places with her,
because she was a golf champion, and every one knew her name.
Then it was something more. I wasn't actually in love, but I felt a
sort of tender curiosity. The bored haughty face that she turned to the
world concealed something - most affectations conceal something
eventually, even though they don't in the beginning - and one day I
found what it was. When we were on a house-party together up in
Warwick, she left a borrowed car out in the rain with the top down, and
then lied about it - and suddenly I remembered the story about her that
had eluded me that night at Daisy's. At her first big golf tournament
there was a row that nearly reached the newspapers - a suggestion that
she had moved her ball from a bad lie in the semi-final round. The
thing approached the proportions of a scandal - then died away. A caddy
retracted his statement, and the only other witness admitted that he
might have been mistaken.
The incident and the name had remained together in my mind.
Jordan Baker instinctively avoided clever, shrewd men, and now I
saw that this was because she felt safer on a plane where any
divergence from a code would be thought impossible. She was incurably
dishonest. She wasn't able to endure being at a disadvantage and, given
this unwillingness, I suppose she had begun dealing in subterfuges when
she was very young in order to keep that cool, insolent smile turned to
the world and yet satisfy the demands of her hard, jaunty body.
It made no difference to me. Dishonesty in a woman is a thing you
never blame deeply - I was casually sorry, and then I forgot. It was on
that same house party that we had a curious conversation about driving
a car. It started because she passed so close to some workmen that our
fender flicked a button on one man's coat.
"You're a rotten driver," I protested.
"Either you ought to be more careful, or you oughtn't to drive at
all."
"I am careful."
"No, you're not."
"Well, other people are," she said lightly.
"What's that got to do with it?"
"They'll keep out of my way," she insisted.
"It takes two to make an accident."
"Suppose you met somebody just as careless as yourself."
"I hope I never will," she answered.
"I hate careless people. That's why I like you." Her gray,
sun-strained eyes stared straight ahead, but she had deliberately
shifted our relations, and for a moment I thought I loved her. But I am
slow-thinking and full of interior rules that act as brakes on my
desires, and I knew that first I had to get myself definitely out of
that tangle back home.
I'd been writing letters once a week and signing them: "Love,
Nick," and all I could think of was how, when that certain girl played
tennis, a faint mustache of perspiration appeared on her upper lip.
Nevertheless there was a vague understanding that had to be
tactfully broken off before I was free.
Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues,
and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever
known.