Long Island, September 1776
"But this is miraculous," said Dr. Beldon, lifting my elbow closer to his lar
ge, somewhat bulging eyes. Next he ran his fingers over the point where the b
one break had been. "It's not possible. There's not a single sign that you we
re ever injured."
Which was of great relief to me. For a time I'd feared I would never recover
 the full use of my right arm. Beldon had chanced to call on me this evening
 just after I'd awakened and had been surprised to see that the sling I'd wo
rn for nearly a week was gone.
"And there is no more discomfort when you move it?"
"None," I said. Days earlier, Beldon had expressed to me the need to rebreak t
he bone so as to properly set it again, but I'd been putting it off. Now I was
 very glad of that procrastination.
His fingers dug a bit more deeply into the muscle. "Make a fist," he order
ed. "Open. Close. Now stretch your arm straight. Twist your hand at the wr
ist." Eyes shut, he concentrated on the movement. "Amazing. Quite amazing,
" he muttered.
"Yes, well, God has been most generous to me of late," I said with true since
rity.
Eyes open, now his brows went up. "But, Mr. Barrett. . ."
"You said yourself that it was a miracle," I reminded him. Our eyes locked.
"But I don't think you need take any notice
of it. Should anyone be curious, you may certainly inform them that my arm
 has healed as you expected."
He didn't even blink. "Yes. I shall certainly do that." The only clue that any
thing was amiss was his slight flatness of tone and a brief slackening of expr
ession.
"Nothing unusual about it at all," I emphasized.
"No . . . nothing un .. ."
I broke off my influence upon him and asked, "Are you finished, Doctor?"
Blink. "Yes, quite finished, Mr. Barrett, and may I express my delight that y
ou are feeling better?"
We exchanged further pleasantries, then Beldon finally took his leave. My
valet, Jericho, had silently watched everything from one corner of my room
, his dark face sober and aloof yet somehow still managing to convey mild
disapproval.
"It's only to spare us all unnecessary bother," I reminded him, shaking my s
hirtsleeve down.
"Of course, sir." He stepped forward to fasten the cuff.
"Very well, then. It's to spare me unnecessary bother."
"Is the truth so evil?" he asked, helping me put on my waistcoat.
"No, but it is unbelievable. And frightening. I've been frightened enough for
myself; I've no wish to inflict that fear upon others."
"Yet it still exists."
"But I'm not afraid anymore. Bewildered, perhaps, but—"
"I was speaking of other members of the household."
"What other members? Who?"
He made a vague gesture rather akin to a shrug. "In the slave quarters. Ther
e are whisperings that a devil has jumped into you."
"Oh, really? For what purpose?"
"That has not yet been decided."
"Who is it that thinks so?"
His lips closed, and he busied himself at brushing lint from my shoulders.
"I hope you have discouraged such idle gossip," I said, adjusting my neckclo
th. It had become rather tight in the last few moments.
"I have. There will be no problems from it. I only mentioned this because y
ou were seen."
"Doing what?"
"Something .. . extraordinary. The person I spoke to said he saw you ... flyin
g."
"Oh."
"Of course, no one really believed him, but his story was disturbing to the m
ore gullible."
"You hardly surprise me." One or two of our slaves, not as well educated as J
ericho, would certainly be prey to all sorts of midnight imaginings, especial
ly if they'd been listening to fanciful tales before bedtime.
"Can you fly, Mr. Jonathan?" Jericho's face was utterly expressionless.
I gulped, my belly suddenly churning. "What of it, if I could?"
There was a considerable pause before he replied. "Then I would suggest tha
t you be more discreet about it."
My belly stopped churning and went stone still. "You . . . you've seen me?"
"Yes."
Oh, dear.
He stopped brushing at lint and turned his attention to the shelves in my al
ready orderly wardrobe.
"You seem to have taken it rather calmly."
"I assure you, I was most troubled when I saw you floating over the treetops
yesterday evening . . ."
"But... ?"
"But you looked very happy," he admitted. "I concluded that anything capab
le of giving you such wholesome joy must not be a bad thing. Besides, my b
omba has told me tales of his childhood that talk of men turning themselve
s into animals. If a man can learn the magic to become an animal, then why
 can a man not learn the magic to fly?"
"This is not magic, Jericho."
"Are you so sure? Then what is it that turns a tiny seed into a tree? Is that n
ot a kind of magic?"
"Now you're speaking of science or philosophy."
He shook his head. "I speak only of what's been said. If I choose to ascribe a
ll that has happened to you to magic, then it is magic."
"Or superstition."
"That comes in only when one is afraid or ignorant. I am neither, but I have
adopted an explanation that is tolerable to me."
"Maybe I should adopt it for myself, as well. Nothing else I've considered h
as come close to explaining things so handily. Especially things like this."
 I touched my miraculously healed arm.
"And this?" he asked, his hand hovering over a small mirror that lay facedo
wn on one of the shelves.
"Yes, that, too. You can get rid of it, y'know." Since my change, I'd found t
hat particular vanity item to be singularly useless, not to mention unsettlin
g. I'd more or less known what to expect, but it had still given me a sharp t
urn to look into a mirror and not see a damned thing. I'd briefly and irratio
nally worried that that was what I'd become: "a damned thing." Father and I h
ad discussed it thoroughly, for I was very upset at the time, but we'd been u
nable to explain the phenomenon. Perhaps Jericho was right and it was magic.
"As you wish," he said, tucking the offending glass into a pocket. "Does Mr
. Barrett know about the flying? Or Miss Elizabeth?"
"Not yet. I'll tell them all about it later. The news won't grow stale for wai
ting. And I promise to take your advice and be more discreet."
"I'm relieved to hear that."
After a moment, I added, somewhat shyly, "It's ... not really flying, y'know."

He waited for me to go on.
"I sort of float upon the air like a leaf. But I can move against the wind or wi
th it as I choose."
He thought that over for a long time. "And what is it like?"
A grin and a soft laugh bubbled right out of me. "It's absolutely wonderful!"

And so it was. Last night I'd done the impossible and broken away from the gr
asp of the earth to soar in the sky freer than any bird. It was surely the mo
st remarkable portion of the legacy I'd come into since my . . . death.
Or rather, my change.
The details of that particular story—of my death and escape from the grave—
have been recounted elsewhere. Let it suffice for now that upon my return,
I soon discovered I'd acquired the same characteristics that governed the w
aking life of a certain Miss Nora Jones, a lady with whom I had shared a ve
ry intimate liaison.
Like her, I was now able to influence the very minds and thoughts of anyon
e around me, thus allowing me to resume my former life with my family almo
st as though nothing had ever happened. I had learned the secret of how to
 heal swiftly and completely. And I was able to fly ... so to speak. Thoug
h I'd never actually witnessed Nora indulging in such a display, I had no
doubt that she was capable of doing it, since my own condition now so comp
letely mirrored her own.
Mirrors. Yes, well, you've heard about them already.
Like her, I was also unable to bear sunlight, which might be considered a
heavy burden, but for the fact that my eyes were so improved. The night ha
d become my day; the stars and moon my welcome companions in the sky. When
 the sun was up, I slept—or tried to; I was having some difficulties there
, but more on that later.
My strength was that of a young Hercules, and my other senses enjoyed simil
ar improvements. Each evening I discovered a new delight to the ear, a fres
h appreciation of touch, and, though I was not required to breathe regularl
y unless I chose to speak, I could pick out and identify a scent almost as
well as one of our own hunting hounds. Taste had also undergone considerabl
e alteration, though I never exercised it upon what might be considered a n
ormal meal.
For, like Nora, I had come to subsist solely upon blood for my sustenance.
But again, more on that later.
"What are you writing, little brother?" asked Elizabeth, peering across the
library as she walked in. Her nightly practice at her spinet had ended, but
I'd been so absorbed in my work that I hadn't noticed when the music stopped.
"A letter to Cousin Oliver," I replied.
The early part of the evening had passed pleasantly enough amid familial co
ngratulations on my recovery. Diverting attention from myself, I had given
all the credit to Dr. Beldon, much to his great enjoyment. Father and Eliza
beth, who, along with Jericho, knew the full truth about my changed nature,
 required a more detailed account from me, which I'd promised, but had yet
to provide. By subtle gesture and with a well-placed word or two, I gave th
em to understand that my healing was connected to my change, and thus not a
 topic for general discussion. We'd quietly arranged to talk later. As I ha
d no
interest in Mother's card game and was too restless to read, I'd taken sanctu
ary in the library to deal with some necessary correspondence.
"But you just sent one only . . ." Her voice trailed off.
"I know, but much has occurred since my last missive."
She thought about that awhile, then came over to stand next to Father's desk
, where I happened to be working. "I have something for you," she said, pull
ing a flat packet from her skirt pocket.
I instantly recognized it. "My journal!"
She gave it over. "I kept it from your things when Mother was having your roo
m cleaned out. I was afraid she'd either throw it away or read it herself, an
d I didn't think you'd have liked either of those choices."
"You're right, I wouldn't. Thank you."
"I didn't read it," she added.
This surprised me, not because Elizabeth was a prying sort of person, but b
ecause at the time she'd thought me dead. "Why not?"
"I couldn't bring myself to. These are your words and your thoughts, I just
couldn't bear the idea of reading them so soon after .. . anyway, I wanted o
nly to keep them safe. From her. I don't know what I hated most, her utter c
oldness over you or the way she ransacked your room like a bloody vulture."
Mother again. "It's all over now."
She put her hand on mine. "Yes, thank God."
"It would have been all right if you had read it. There's nothing in here tha
t I wouldn't have minded sharing with you and Father."
She smiled at that. "But you're back and there's no need, is there?"
"May there never be another," I solemnly intoned, putting my hand over my
heart.
That brought out another smile, which was most pleasing. Her good humor a
nd mine restored, I picked up my pen and regarded the sheet of paper befo
re me, wondering what to put down next.
"Mind if I keep you company?" From one of the desk drawers she pulled out
 a penknife and some goose quills.
"I should welcome it," I said absently.
Apparently Elizabeth was prepared to wait for Father to join us before call
ing for my promised explanation. Taking a chair
next to the desk and close to my candle, she began carving a point on one of
 the quills. "Are you going to tell Oliver about what's happened to you?"
A brief laugh escaped me. "Hardly, or he'd think that the Fonteyn half of m
y blood had finally boiled my brain. Did I ever mention to you that tour we
 took of Bedlam?"
"In noxious detail." She steadily sliced away on a quill, pausing only to narr
owly inspect the results of her work.
"I've no wish for Oliver to regard me as a potential inmate, so be assured tha
t the details of my recent experience will find no place here."
"Then what—"
"Nora."
Her name temporarily halted Elizabeth's inquiries, and I took the opportuni
ty to dip my pen into the inkpot. After reading again my few lines assuring
 Oliver of my continued good health and a wish for the same for him, I had
to pause yet again and think how to proceed. Before leaving England for hom
e some months ago, I'd asked him to keep an eye on Nora for me and in such
a way as to leave no doubt that my relationship with her had quite ended. M
y lightness of attitude quite puzzled my poor cousin, considering his aware
ness that Nora and I had been passionate lovers for nearly three years.
But, of course, Nora had caused me to forget all that.
I wasn't sure if I should curse her or bless her for what she'd done to me.
 Some nights I did both. This was one of those nights, and they happened mo
re and more frequently as my memories of her returned. Though she had commi
tted a great wrong against me, I yet loved her and missed her terribly.
"Ow!"
Elizabeth had had a mishap with the razor-sharp penknife and nicked a finger
. She ruefully held it close to the candle to inspect the damage, started to
 put her finger to her mouth, then stopped, her eyes suddenly shifting up to
 meet mine.
"Be more careful," I said, trying not to stare at the drop of blood welling fro
m the tiny cut.
She lowered her hand slightly. "Does this trouble you?"
"Why should it?"
"Because you've an odd look on your face. Are you hungry?"
"No, I am not hungry." Not yet. Later, after everyone was asleep and the world
 was quiet, I'd slip out and . . .
"Then what?"
"I can smell it," I whispered, not without a feeling of awe.
She brought her finger close to her nose and sniffed, then shrugged at her fail
ure to sense it. "A little speck like this?"
"Yes. It hangs in the air like perfume."
"That must be interesting for you," she observed. The bleeding had stopped,
 so she wiped away the blood on her handkerchief. Picking up the quill, she
 gingerly resumed her delicate work with the knife.
Disturbing, more like, I thought, unable to ignore the scent and the reaction
s it aroused within me. I raised one hand to cover my mouth and ran my tongue
 over my teeth. There, the two points on my upper jaw ... a slight swelling,
not painful.. . quite the opposite, in fact.
"Jonathan?"
"It's nothing," I said, a bit too quickly, letting my hand drop away.
But she seemed to know what I was hiding. Sweet God, Jonathan, you've no
thing to be ashamed of."
"I'm not," I said. "Really."
"Then why the glower?"
I made a fist and bumped it lightly against the desk, then opened it flat. "I'm
not sure I... that I'm . . . comfortable with this part of what's happened to me
."
"You do what you do because you have to."
"Yes, but I've... I worry about what people might unnk should they find out.
"
"But no one else knows but me, Father, and Jericho. We don't speak of it, and
 you're not likely to blurt it out in company."
"As if it's something shameful."
"Something private," she corrected. "Like your journal."
Unable to endure her steady, sensible gaze, I shoved my pen into a cup of le
ad shot and stood up to pace.
She continued to watch me. "Come now and listen to yourself. Worrying about
 what others may think is the sort of thing that bedevils Mother. There's n
o need for you to pay any mind to that same voice, or you could end up like
 her."
All too true. I had been haunted by a miserable chorus of dark voices mutter
ing of nothing but doubt and doom. "It's
just that most of the time everything is as it was for me before my ... retur
n. And yet"—I gestured vaguely—"everything is so different. I'm different."
She did not—thank God—gainsay me. The changes within that had literally bro
ught me back from the grave were profound, and their full influence upon ho
w I now lived were only just being realized. I slept, if one could call it
that, the whole day through, unable to stir for as long as the sun was up.
Since the household held to an exactly opposite habit, my enjoyment of its
society was unhappily limited. The rest of the time I was alone. Very much
alone.
And as for Elizabeth's little accident.. . well, it was yet another reminder o
f an appetite that the world would doubtless look upon as disgusting or at the
 very least react to with alarm and fear.
I paused by the bookcase and stared at the titles within without reading th
em. "Remember the night I... came back?"
She nodded. It was not likely that either of us would forget.
"After we'd captured the rebels, two of Nash's Hessians escorted me to Mrs.
Montagu's. I thought I'd gotten rid of them, but they came back and saw me i
n her barn with her horses . . . feeding myself."
"Then what?"
"They ran like rabbits. They were terrified. One of them called me a name, 'b
lutsauger.' "
She stumbled over my no doubt questionable pronunciation. "Bluet-saw—"
I repeated the word for her. "It means 'bloodsucker.' Hardly flattering."
"Certainly not in the context that it was given."
"Not in any context."
"What of it? You're a 'bloodsucker,' I'm an eater of animal flesh."
"That's not the same."
"It would be if dining on a good hot joint was thought to be repugnant by most
people. It's not like you to be feeling sorry for yourself, little brother. I h
ope you can get over it."
I idly poked at a crescent of dust gathered in a tight corner of the bookca
se woodwork. One of the maids had been careless over her cleaning chores. W
oe to her if Mother noticed. "Perhaps the Fonteyn blood is doing its work u
pon me after all, and I shall become mad."
"I think not, since you've been diluting it so regularly with that of our livest
ock."
My openmouthed stare was returned with a flash of her bright eyes as she coc
ked her head to one side. It was meant to convince me that I was taking myse
lf far too seriously. "1 do believe you have a fool for a brother," I said w
earily.
"Better a fool than a corpse," she responded bluntly. "You're not going mad, y
ou're just getting used to things. I still am, myself."
"And what do you do about it?"
"Ask God to sort it out for me, say 'amen,' and go to sleep." The point of o
ne quill cut to perfection, she put it aside and picked up another. The feat
hering had not yet been trimmed away and she made a fine mess on her wide sk
irts as she worked to correct the oversight.
"Would that I could sleep," I muttered.
"More dreams?"
"Nothing but, and no waking to escape them is allowed."
"Dr. Beldon couldn't help?"
"He let me try some of his laudanum."
"And it didn't work?"
"Not really. He made up a draught and told me to take it when I was ready to
retire, but I knew I'd never be able to keep it down. So I went out to the st
ables and drew off blood from one of the horses to mix it in and was able to
drink that. It put me into quite a stupor, but the dreams were still there an
d more disturbing than usual. Never again." I dropped into Father's big chair
 by the dormant fireplace. "Damnation, but the only rest I've gotten since my
 return was when I was forced to shelter in the old barn."
"Perhaps you could go back and try it again."
"Why should my sleeping there be any different than here in my own bed?"
"I don't know. If you went back you might find an answer."
"It's hardly safe."
Her brows drew together as she glanced up from her fine carving. "No one
goes out there anymore."
"The Hessians might. You know they wanted to take Rapelji's house away fr
om him for their own lodging? He's lucky they changed their minds and too
k over the church instead."
"Not so lucky for the church."
"Better to have them there than at Rapelji's or even in our own house. I've
been down to The Oak to learn the news, and they're a pretty rough and savag
e lot. And they enjoy it."
"I've heard the stories, Jonathan," she said dryly. Because of the recent oc
cupation, Elizabeth had hardly been able to stir a foot outside the door for
 fear of being insulted by the very army sent to protect us. "Anyway, you've
 wandered off the subject of the barn. Why don't you try spending the day th
ere? Jericho can run out and check on you if you're that worried."
I grimaced. "It's so open and unprotected, without doors or shutters. I only u
sed it because I had no other choice."
"But you were able to find rest then, with no dreaming."
That was inarguable. I was about to raise more objections anyway, just to ke
ep up the flow of talk, when Father came in, shutting the library doors behi
nd him. He was a tall man with a spare figure and a still-handsome face, but
 lately more lines had begun to clutter his normally amiable expression. Imp
rinted there by the upheavals in our own lives and by the larger conflicts o
utside our home, they seemed to lift when he looked upon us, his children.
"Is the card game finished?" Elizabeth asked.
"No, they're still at it," he replied, meaning Mother, Dr. Beldon, and Mrs
. Hardinbrook, who was Beldon's widowed sister. "They've changed to someth
ing that needs but three players to work well, so I made my escape."
"Why do you play if you don't enjoy it?"
"It soothes your mother's soul." He strode toward the cabinet that held a sm
all supply of wine and spirits, then changed his mind with a sigh. "No. I'll
 be damned before I let that woman drive me to drink."
"That woman" referred to Mrs. Hardinbrook, not Mother.
"What did she do tonight?" I asked.
Father rolled his eyes, looking glum. "She opened her mouth, and that's more
 than enough. How she does clack on. I don't know as I've ever seen her paus
e for breath. At least when we're at cards she shuts up for the play."
"And when Mother is talking," Elizabeth put in.
Father grunted agreement to that, then turned all his attention upon me. "All
 right, laddie, what's the rest of your tale? Just how did your arm heal so q
uickly?"
Elizabeth left off her carving of pens and put her hands in her lap.
I gulped. It's one thing to promise an explanation, but quite another to actua
lly deliver it, particularly when one doesn't know where to start.
"Well, it's connected with how I... escaped my grave." My last words came ou
t in a rush, as I wanted to get past them as quickly as possible. I did not
like to think about that time; it always made me feel ill. They could see ho
w difficult it was for me to talk, and waited me out. Suddenly restless agai
n, I launched out of Father's chair and stalked up and down the room.
"I... floated out," I finally said.
They exchanged looks. Father's brows went up. Somehow, this had been so mu
ch easier to talk about with Jericho, but then he'd already known somethin
g of the subject.
"That's how I got out without disturbing the earth. I can make my body ..."
They leaned forward, silently encouraging me to continue.
". . . make it. .."
"What?" demanded Elizabeth.
And the words just would not come. Their combined gaze left me entirely fl
ummoxed over what to say next. I was being foolish again, worried they wou
ldn't believe me, or worse, that they'd be afraid of me. But they'd accept
ed so much already and now seemed willing to accept more, so such worries
were certainly all in my own head.
"Jonathan," Father prompted, his expression kindly.
I nodded. "Yes. I'm trying. What it is ... is that I have the ability to make m
yself insubstantial, allowing me to pass through solid objects. To float."
"Float?" he echoed.
"Yes, sir."
Neither said anything for a time, but they did exchange looks once more. Th
ey did not, thank God, laugh.
"Well," he finally said. "What has that to do with your arm healing?"
It was my turn to stare. The floating and the restoration were so linked in m
y mind that it had been natural for me to conclude that others would also see
 the connection.
"Uhh . . . that is ... when I ceased to float around, I was all better."
Another lengthy silence.
"I know I'm not doing this very well—"
"No, not at all," agreed Elizabeth.
"It's like that business with mirrors. I've no explanation for it, it just is."
"Perhaps," said Father, "if you gave us a demonstration?"
I'd foreseen the need for one from the start. That knowledge did not make i
t any easier, though. I nodded, went to the windows and closed the shutters
 to prevent anyone from spying, then turned to face Father and Elizabeth. H
olding my hands up before me that I might observe my progress, I willed mys
elf to slip slowly into . . . whatever it was. The room seemed to fill with
 fog as I grew more and more transparent.
Elizabeth rose straight up from her chair to gape. Father staggered back, bu
mped against his desk, then suddenly sat down. On the floor.
Immediately becoming solid again, I started forward, but abruptly froze in p
lace, held back by doubt, by their wide-eyed stares.
"Good God," Father whispered.
"I'm sorry," I said.
He gave himself a shake and inhaled deeply. Stood up. Stared some more. "S
orry for what, laddie?"
Then I seemed to see myself through his eyes. They were the only mirrors lef
t to me. They showed an uncertain young man who might as well apologize for
the color of his hair as for this new . . . ability. "Excellent question, si
r."
He glanced at Elizabeth, who had gone very white, and touched her arm in a
reassuring gesture. "You just surprised us, that's all. Nothing to apologiz
e for." He put his hand out to me. I hesitantly came closer and took it. Hi
s grip was warm, encouraging. "You're solid enough, now."
Elizabeth took my other hand, but said nothing.
"Perhaps you could do that again," he suggested.
And so I did. Eyes shut so that I did not have to watch them fading into the
fog, I repeated my action.
"He's so cold," said Elizabeth, her voice distant though I stood right next to
her.
Then I let go of all ties to solidity. The pull of the earth, the feel of my cl
othes, the familiar constraints of my own body ceased to be. I held myself in p
lace by thought alone.
"My God, he's vanished!" Father whispered.
But I'm right here, I protested, but of course, I had no mouth with which
to speak. Opening my eyes now was something
that could be exercised only in my mind, for in this state I was unable to s
ee anything. Enough. I instantly resumed form again.
They yet held my hands and continued to do so. Father's grip increased some
what, Elizabeth appeared too shocked yet to react.
"I vanished?" I asked. "Is it true? Father?"
He exhaled, turning it into a sort of laugh. "Clean away."
Oddly enough, after all the practicing I'd done, observing myself as I becam
e more and more transparent until the gray fog engulfed everything, it had n
ever occurred to me that I could become entirely invisible during the proces
s.
"You're all right?" Elizabeth asked shakily.
"Yes."
"It doesn't hurt or anything?"
"Not at all."
"What does it feel like?"
"Sort of... like holding your breath, but not having to lei it out for more air."
She thought that one over a bit. Father asked me to do it once more. I oblig
ed, this time willing myself to travel some distance across the room before
reappearing.
"Well-a-day," he said, borrowing one of my own expressions. "You said you
 floated, though?"
As the worst of the surprise was past, I was more willing to oblige their curio
sity. This time I did not let the fog swallow me completely and held myself in
a near-transparent state, Weightless, I drifted upward until I was right agains
t the ceiling. I felt its restraining barrier, but knew I could seep through I
it to the floor above, if I wished. I did seriously consider it, but | decided
not to; tonight's performance was quite sufficient.
Growing gradually more solid, I sank to the floor.
They had a hundred questions for me, which I tried to answer, though some
 were unanswerable.
"I really don't know how it works," I said after nearly an hour of talk and
a number of demonstrations that left me fatigued from the effort. "I don't k
now how it healed me. God knows, I wish I did."
"If it pleases God to keep the secret to Himself, then so be it," said Father.
 "You're whole again and that's what matters, We shall have to content ourselv
es with that and give thanks for it, for it seems a mighty gift."
"If not an alarming one," Elizabeth added.
"I'm very sorry for that."
Father laughed a little. "Don't see how it could possibly have been avoide
d, laddie. Have you any others we should know about?"
1 shrugged. "I can't really say. That's why I was writing to Oliver tonight.
I wanted him to pass a letter on to Nora for me. I've asked her a number of q
uestions about what's happened to me, but it's going to be months before I he
ar from her . . . if she even answers."
"Why do you think she won't?"
"Because she made me forget so much."
"But from what you've told us of her, she strikes me as being a woman of ho
nor."
"And overly secretive. She could have told me what to expect—" I broke off a
nd firmly smothered that tiresome lament. "I'm sorry. When it comes to Nora,
 I sometimes just don't know what to think. She's gifted me with a very fine
 double-edged sword, but failed to give instruction on how to safely wield i
t. If I'm not careful, I could injure myself or others."
"You're doing the best you can, laddie, no one can expect more than that. A
nyway, there's no reason to think she won't answer. You might want to send
more than one letter by different ships, though. Times are so unsettled tha
t a single missive might not get through."
"Yes, I'd thought of that."
"Good. Get all your writing done tonight and I'll see that it's sent out for y
ou tomorrow."
"Thank you, sir."
The words had hardly left my lips when the library doors were thrust open wit
h a great deal of force. Mother stood on the threshold, glaring at the three
of us turn on turn.
"What's going on here, Samuel?" she demanded.
"Nothing, as you see," he said, spreading his hands. "We were just talking."
"Talking? I'm sure you were." Despite the heavy powder coating her face, w
e could see that she was very flushed. "About what, may I ask?"
"Nothing important."
"Yet you still have to shut the doors?"
"We had no wish to disturb your card game."
"And the shutters?"
"There was a draft."
"You've an answer for everything except what's been asked, don't you?"
To that, Father made no reply. I wondered where Beldon had gotten to, as it
 looked to be one of those nights where his medical talents might be requir
ed.
"Jonathan Fonteyn."
I hated the contemptuous tone she always used when addressing me. "Yes,
 madam?" I whispered back.
"What were you talking about?"
"Nothing, really. I'm writing some letters, and Father promised to post them
 for me."
"And what are you doing here, Elizabeth? I'm sure that such conversation can
't possibly be of any interest to you."
"I was just cutting some pens."
"No doubt, I can see the mess you've made all over the place. You can leave o
ff with that. It's late and past time thai you went upstairs."
Elizabeth pursed her lips and said nothing.
"Well, girl?"
"I shall be along shortly, Mother, as soon as I've cleaned up."
"You'll do as you're told and be along now."
"She's no longer a child, Marie," said Father.
"So you've noticed," Mother snarled back. "So you've both noticed! You think
I'm blind to it? You think I don't see the three of you, the whispers, the lo
oks you pass each other? It's disgusting."
"Marie, that's quite enough. You've made a mistake—"
"Yes, I'm always making mistakes. I'm always the one who's wrong, the one
 who imagines things. You'd like thai, wouldn't you?"
Father said nothing. His face had become a hard, expressionless mask, as
had my own, as had Elizabeth's. When Mother was in this kind of mood, no
appeal to reason would work on her.
"The devoted father and his two loving children," she sneered. "God should
strike the lot of you dead where you stand."
"Oh, Marie," sang out Mrs. Hardinbrook, coming up behind Mother. Her voic
e and manner were light and innocent of the situation she was walking int
o.
Mother's face underwent an immediate change. The Medusa abruptly transf
ormed back to being a middle-aged matron, smooth of countenance and unb
lemished by vile thoughts.
"Yes, Deborah, what is it?" she cooed.
"We still have another hand to play out. I hope you will come back and finish
 it? Please say you will."
"Of course, of course. Do lead the way, my dear."
Mother shot us one last venomous glance before turning to follow Mrs. Hard
inbrook. She pointedly left the doors open.
Father let out a pent-up breath and sat heavily in his chair. He didn't look
well. "God," he said, putting his head in his hands. He rarely ever succumbed
 to the strain. Seeing him like this was enough to tear my heart in two. I we
nt to him and knelt next to him, feeling dreadfully helpless and angry all at
 once.
Elizabeth crossed to the cabinet, poured out a portion of brandy into a cup,
and took it to him. This time he had no objection to drink. When he'd finishe
d, she poured one for herself and took it straight down as though it were wat
er. I could have used one for myself, but knew better than to try.
"That Hardinbrook woman may be a clacking toad-eater, but she's a damned us
eful clacking toad-eater," Father finally said.
"I'll not say anything against her," I added.
Elizabeth looked past us to the open door, as if fearful that Mother might r
eturn. "What are we to do?" she asked Father.
"We needn't do anything. The fit will pass and she'll be all right. She won'
t remember any of this tomorrow."
She put down her cup and stood before him. "She's getting worse, Father. Th
e things she said about me and Jonathan are bad enough, but to include you
in with her filthy accusations is beyond endurance."
"What would you have me do?" he asked, all subdued.
She dropped her eyes.
"I could possibly send her away somewhere, but what good would come of it?
She's all right here most of the time, and Beldon and his sister usually ke
ep her in hand. I'm sorry for what she's doing to you two—"
"And to yourself, Father," I said.
He shrugged, as though his own pain was of no consequence. "I am sorry for t
hat and if I could stop it, I would."
"Why can't you send her away?" Elizabeth murmured, again not looking at
him.
"Because I made a promise when I married her. I promised to take care of h
er. Always."
"But she's getting more impossible every day. She's getting worse."
"And would become much worse if sent away. It's the same as if she were ill
in bed with a fever. The fever she suffers from is in her mind rather than h
er body, but the principle is the same. She needs care, and it is my respons
ibility to see that she has it. For the sake of the promise I made those yea
rs ago and for the memory of the love we once had, it is my chosen duty. I w
ill not dishonor myself by ignoring that duty just because it has become unp
leasant."
"And what are we to do, then?"
"I have no answer for you, daughter. I'd rather hoped you'd give me one."
Elizabeth raised her head. She was blushing right to the roots of her hair. "I
think I understand you, sir."
He lightly touched her hand. "I thought that you would. What about you, lad
die?"
"We all have our duty, sir. I will not shirk mine."
"Good."
"But. . ."
"Yes?"
"If now and then, when we get filled up with it, would you mind very much
if we complained a bit?"
He laughed. Some of the deeper lines lifted slightly. "Not at all. That is, if
 you don't mind my joining you."
It was late, and the house was very silent. I'd opened the shutters again to
 enjoy the air. It was damp and heavy with the sea smell, but clean. A draft
 stirred up the slivers of quill and feathers from Elizabeth's abandoned wor
k. I put the finished pens in the cup of shot and used the edge of one packe
t of finished letters to sweep the leavings off the desk and into one hand.
Some of the stuff dropped onto the floor, but the rest I threw out a window.
 My letters, sealed and addressed, I placed under the shot cup where Father
might easily find them. There was a good four months' wait ahead of me—more
likely six with winter coming on and slowing the passage of shipping—
before I could even begin to look for a reply from either Nora or Oliver.
I had a hope, and no more than a hope, that once Nora knew of my situation
she would answer by coming herself. Though to think that she'd cross all th
e way from England during the worst months of weather was rather a lot to e
xpect of her. Not only was the risk of a winter crossing very bad, but ther
e was also her special condition to consider. Confined to whatever sanctuar
y she could manage during the day was limiting enough, but the question of
how she could feed herself during the voyage.was not one I could readily an
swer, nor did I care to think on it much.
Mine was a fool's dream, though. She would not come; it was an impossible exp
ectation. A letter. I would gladly settle for a letter.
But six months . .. damnation, that was an eternity.
My candle had burned low. With everyone asleep and the need to pretend its
necessity removed, I blew it out. The gentle silver light of the night sky
advanced into the room. It seemed to carry a world of scents to me: earth a
nd plant, wood smoke and stable, sea and shoreline.
Time to sup.
Up in my room, I quietly changed into clothes more suitable for an outdoor
excursion: dark coat, waistcoat, and breeches, my plainest shirt, simplest
neckcloth, and the older of my two pairs of riding boots. Not that I was pl
anning to give Roily any exercise—I'd save that pleasure for tomorrow night
—but boots were more practical for roaming the countryside than shoes.
Not that I planned to do much walking, either.
Leaving my other clothes on the bed for Jericho to see to in the morning, I
also left him a note explaining my absence. He could talk to Elizabeth if he
 wanted more details.
I opened the window, intent on using it for my egress from the house, then
 had second thoughts, remembering my promise to Jericho to be more discree
t. No one was in sight down in the yard, but that meant nothing. Though th
e prospect seemed unlikely, anyone wishing to spy on me could hide himself
 easily enough, even from my improved vision. I might be able to see as we
ll in the dark as others could during the day, but I had yet to learn how
to see through things. There were any number of trees, bushes, and buildin
gs offering protection for a determined observer of demon-possessed mortals.
Good lord, but I hoped Jericho had successfully repressed that gossip. Not w
ishing to add to it, I stood well back from the window before relinquishing
my hold on the physical and floating out. Briefly, I sensed the frame loom a
round me, then felt the tug of the wind drawing me forth into the open sky.
20
If not for my earlier practice before Father and Elizabeth, I might have fou
nd this experience of traveling blind to be extremely confusing. Indeed, to
suddenly be without a body in the conventional definition, one might expect
to maintain a certain level of confusion for some goodly length of time befo
re finally mastering such an unusual sensation. I'd adapted remarkably quick
ly to it, though, and suspected that my casual assumption of this ability to
 be linked to the more obvious inner changes. While a caterpillar has no und
erstanding of flight, after its metamorphosis into a butterfly it has no dif
ficulty taking to the air. A similar gift of understanding must have somehow
 slipped into my being during my own metamorphosis in the grave.
Drifting high and far from the house, I very, very gradually assumed enough
solidity to allow me to see exactly where I'd gone. As this action lent weig
ht to my form, I lost some height, but not much. I held in place, arms sprea
d wide like wings, and looked in wonder at the gray land below. It reminded
me of the time Oliver and I had climbed to the roof of one of the buildings
in Cambridge to take in the view. To ourselves, we seemed as aloof as gods f
rom the small people and animals that crept about on the miserable ground be
neath us, but in the end could not escape the fact that our means of rising
above them, our lonely tower, tied us just as firmly to earth. Now I had no
ties at all, except for those of memory, which could easily be set aside. Fo
r now, I was a bird or a cloud, with no concern for anything but to enjoy th
is strange freedom for its own sake.
I soared above the tallest trees, or dipped down to rush between their bough
s like a hunting hawk, then down still more to coast just above the fields a
nd pastures. Any wall or fence that presented itself I merely skipped over,
smoother and faster than any jump I'd made while on Roily's back.
Ah, but most pleasures have their price, and as with any exercise, I found
 myself growing weary for want of refreshment. A week ago, I might have sa
tisfied my need with wine and a meat pie, but a week ago I was not able to
 fly. As my means of travel had changed, so had the demands and tastes of
my appetite.
So far, the army had not completely stripped us of our stock. Some of our ho
rses were pastured close to the house, and those were the ones I usually fed
 upon. We also had cattle, but I
preferred horses, as they were groomed regularly and thus much cleaner.
I took on more substance to see better and found I'd traveled well to the so
uth and had to circle back again. Just within sight of the house, I swooped
low and solidified, my feet touching lightly down on the cropped grass of a
small field. The horses dozing at the other end paid me no notice, but their
 ears flicked in my direction as I walked toward them. The interest became m
ore marked when I reached into a pocket and pulled forth a small apple. Hold
ing it high so they could see it, all I had to do was wait.
Eventually, Desdemona, who had a greedy temperament, decided that she deser
ved the bribe more than the others and ambled over to take it. While she cr
unched away on the apple, I got hold of her halter and soothed and stroked
her until she went very still.
The smooth warmth of her silken coat proclaimed that she was well-cared for
 and in fine health. What little blood 1 needed to maintain my own strength
 she could easily spare with no ill effect. I knelt and felt out one of the
 surface veins in her near foreleg, brushing at it with eager fingers. My b
elly was twisting in a most pleasurable way, anticipating what was to come.
 My mouth and tongue were dry, but that would soon be amended.
The corner teeth in my upper jaw had grown longer than any of the others and
tilted slightly outward. An odd sensation, that, but I quite liked it. I like
d it even better when I bent over the vein and used them to gently and quickl
y cut through the intervening flesh.
God, but that rush of red heat was wonderful. It rolled right through me, sa
ting, satisfying, comforting, sweeping away all the dark doubts I'd harbored
. This was food in its purest form, as basic as a mother's milk. How like a
suckling infant I felt, too, drinking in incredible, reviving nourishment su
ch as I'd never known before. Consciously known, that is. Our memories of ba
byhood, of nursing, of that last physical link we have to our mothers is ine
vitably severed as we grow older, but the craving and need for fulfillment i
s ever with us. Others might strive their whole lives to recover that sweet
estate in one form or another, but my own endeavors had apparently ended, if
 this serene gratification was anything to judge by.
The wounds I'd made were small, and the blood flow gradually ceased. I lapp
ed up the last of it and drew away, giving Desdemona a reassuring pat and a
 second apple from another pocket. As though nothing at all had happened or
 was amiss, her velvet lips plucked up the fruit and she quickly disposed o
f it as I let myself grow lighter and drifted out of the pasture.
I went solid again on the other side of the fence, leaning on it and breathi
ng in the early morning air. Dawn was not very far off, but I had more than
enough time to get to the old barn before the rising sun became a problem.
I left the fence and struck out over the fields. Not that the novelty of fl
ying had worn off, but I was finding the steady march enjoyable for its own
 sake. It also allowed me to exercise my improved senses, as they were alwa
ys so muffled when I ceased to be corporeal. Eyes and ears open, I drank in
 sights and sounds as eagerly as I'd drunk in Desdemona's blood, for I crav
ed nourishment for my mind as much as for my body.
Damp grass and leaves underfoot, night birds making their final calls to on
e another and day birds sleepily rousing themselves, the wind cool on my fa
ce, it was as though I were noticing it all afresh, like a newborn child. B
ut unlike that imaginary babe, I could identify and appreciate it all. Scie
nce, philosophy or magic, whatever force had brought me back from the grave
 had taught me to value the beauties of the world anew. Things that I'd onc
e dismissed as commonplace now caught my notice; the graceful shape of a br
anch or the soft pattern of moss on a rock. I wanted to see and touch every
thing, to know and understand all. I'd been given a second chance to do so;
 I would not waste it.
Though it was unlikely I'd run into an inconvenient sentry here on my own lan
d, I took care not to make too much noise. I'd be able to deal with any troub
le easily enough, but there was no point attracting it in the first place.
The worries I'd confided earlier to Elizabeth came back to me now, for they
  were not without foundation. The Hessian troops so recently thrust upon us
  by the rebellion were yet here and seeking shelter in every possible hovel
. Some were lodged in private homes or had taken over the churches and inns
  and, along with the English soldiers, were stripping the Island of all sto
ck and produce. We'd mostly been spared thus far, but were expecting the wo
rst. Unless General Howe
finally decided to take his men and pursue Washington's rabble across the w
ater to Manhattan Island, there wouldn't be much left for the coming winter
.
Of the battle that had taken place last month between those two commanders
  we'd heard many conflicting tales and hardly knew which to believe. The o
ne common thread woven into them all had to do with the horrific brutality
  of the Hessians. Their own officers had been shocked by their vicious beh
avior. Stories came to us of surrendering rebels receiving no quarter, eve
n sorely wounded men were heartlessly run through by bayonets, or shot, or
  clubbed to death by musket stocks.
My own contact with them had not been so violent. Indeed, I was treated wit
h a degree of respect by some of the ones staying in Glenbriar for my assis
tance in capturing two rebels not long past. The fact that I'd later been i
nstrumental in helping the rebels get away had happily escaped notice, so f
ar. But this advantage was small and limited only to those who knew me. It
was a wise man who stayed out of their way altogether.
The barn stood out from the shelter of some trees, though ivy had taken it
over and blurred its lines. There had been a stormy night since I'd last be
en here, and my footprints in the dirt inside the doorway were gone, though
  the ones deeper within remained. I followed these in to a far corner where
  a shoulder-high partition had been built out from the wall to make a dim s
table. The floor here also retained the marks of my previous occupancy. I n
ow added to them, pacing slowly up and down, up and down, waiting for the s
un to arrive.
If I hurried, I still had time to hurtle through the sky and make it back t
o my own room before it was too late. The safety of the house was certainly
  more attractive to me than spending the day sprawled in this filthy barn,
but the comfort I should have drawn from my bed had eluded me since my retu
rn. Instead of rest and sleep, I endured endless hours of bad dreams and fo
ul dreads which served only to remind me of things I'd rather forget. These
  bouts of darkness left me weary to the bone upon awakening; sometimes it w
as hours before I could fully shake it from my mind.
And with each passing day and emerging night, I was growing more and more
  tired. Though I could often dismiss it awhile—especially after feeding—I
  was never truly without it. In odd moments here and there, the weariness
 dragged at
me, as though the earth were trying to draw me back into itself once more, t
o return me to the grave.
Nora, if I could trust my memory, had not suffered from such continual exhaus
tion. Occasionally she'd fall prey to a fit of melancholia, but it never last
ed long, particularly when we were together. But these instances were hardly
different than what I'd seen in others and in myself at the time, brief and t
ransient. My present state was nearly constant.
Dear God, but I needed rest.
The events of the evening seemed to crowd one atop the other like bees in a
 hive. Buzzing and darting and often imparting a sting or two, I knew I was
 destined to have a raw time of it for the day. Before my change, such a st
ate of mind had always deprived me of sleep; it would be no different now.
I sat in the darkest corner of the stall and grimly waited for the sun to roll a
bove the horizon.
Soon. Just another moment or two. My limbs were already growing sluggish. N
o sense in letting myself freeze for the day in what would soon become an u
ncomfortable posture, I lay flat, eyes shut, waiting . . .
... waiting.
I sat up, certain that I'd heard something, then stopped, cold as a stone.
Utter confusion seized me. I could not move or think for some moments, not
because of the approaching sunrise, but out of pure shock and disorientatio
n.
/ was no longer in the barn.
That bit of realization was the only fact to impress itself upon my mind. L
ike an unwelcome lodger, it remained there, crowding out all other thoughts
. I wasted much time trying to understand what had happened to me. In one i
nstant I'd been stretched out for the day on the hard floor, and the next I
 was suddenly on the grass under an open sky.
Someone must have moved me, I thought. Then I abruptly knew that I had sle
pt the day through. It was happily anticipated sunset, not a dreaded sunri
se to which I'd awakened.
After so many days without it, I'd finally achieved it. Rest. No bad dreams,
no dreams at all, only sweet oblivion.
Thank God.
But how had I come to be outside the barn? Perhaps Jericho had come by t
o check on me and had taken it into his head to shift my location, thoug
h why he would do such a thing was beyond imagining. Where—?
Brain working again now that the surprise had passed, 1 stood and brushed
 myself off and looked around. I had heard something, and the noise was s
till with me. Human noise. human speech.
German speech, fast and for the most part unintelligible to me.
Hessians. Damnation. The Hessians had arrived.
Now it seemed obvious that they had been the ones who had moved me from t
he barn, and, irksome as it might be, I'd have to have words with them, o
r at least with their commander. Hopefully, he would know more of English
 than I did of German, and I could righteously demand an answer to why th
ey were trespassing on my land.
Suffused with anger at their intrusion, I glared around and immediately spott
ed a sentry. I'd been taken to one side of the yard next to the barn, the out
er wall of that structure being on my right. The man stood poised at the far
corner, peering around it to what I concluded was some activity that did not
directly affect him, but held his extreme interest. I stalked up and dropped
a heavy hand on his shoulder.
"Entschuldigen Sie. Your commander, where is he?"
Alas, I discovered that what my tutor, Rapelji, had taught me was true: for
 every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. My brusk though fri
endly greeting was violently met. The man whipped around, stared at me all
wild-eyed, then let forth with as bloodcurdling a shriek as had ever been m
y misfortune to hear. Before I could do or say aught else, he backed away,
his mouth hanging open. Though he'd lost breath for further screams, he was
 yet capable of an awful gasping and gagging. I thought he was having some
sort of fit and stepped toward him, reaching out.
"Nein! Nein!" came his hoarse reaction as he backed off even farther.
He seemed to be perceiving me as some sort of threat. Before I could make a
ny attempt to reassure him otherwise, he rushed around the corner of the ba
rn, yelling incoherent-
iy-
Damnation again. I went after him, rounding the corner— and got my second
shock of the evening as I was met by a phalanx of nervous-looking Hessians
 with their muskets all leveled and pointing at me. Instantly, I threw my
hands high.
"Freund!" I squeaked. "Ich bin ein Freund! Freund!" The words for "Don't
shoot" were unfortunately not a part of my limited German vocabulary.
My babbling gave them pause, though, for those first few critical seconds an
d they did not turn me into a sieve with their musket balls.
While they hesitated, I added, "Where is your commander?"
That struck a nerve. They were apparently disciplined enough to cleave to t
he military virtue of passing any difficult decision over to a higher autho
rity. Some of them wavered, relaxing their tight hold on their weapons and
looking to their left for guidance. Not turning my head from them, I let my
 eyes travel in that direction. There were several lighted lanterns about,
making no difference to my vision, but helpful to their own. Standing in on
e such puddle of light in the doorway of the barn was a stocky man in an of
ficer's florid uniform. I was not familiar with the trappings of Germanic r
ank—he could have been a lieutenant or a general for all I knew—but hopeful
ly he would take charge now and persuade his men to calmness.
"Good evening, sir," I said, trying to steady my voice.
He looked me up and down as though I were some sort of lunatic on display
 in a town marketplace and made no reply.
"My name is Barrett. I live here."
His brows lowered and his full lips pushed out into a truly terrifying pout.
"This is my land" I clarified.
The soldier that I'd first encountered hesitantly stepped forward and salute
d. The smartness of the gesture was somewhat diluted by his twisting around
to keep me in sight. The officer fixed his eyes on him and gave a brief, gut
tural acknowledgment, apparently permission to speak. There followed a quick
 burst of wordage, accompanied by gestures, as the fellow accounted for hims
elf. He pointed at me quite a lot, and at the interior of the barn.
Oh, dear. Like the sunrise I'd missed, the reason for all the uproar suddenly
 dawned in my brain. Oh, dear, oh, dear, and damnation again and again and .
..
"You!" The officer was addressing me. "Come here."
Experimentally, I lowered my arms. His men did not fire. I walked over sl
owly, trusting that they feared him more than me. When close enough, I ma
de a formal bow and reintroduced
myself, this time with more dignity and less haste, and inquired after his own
 identity.
"Muller," he said, adding in something about his rank that was too quickly s
poken for me to catch. He gave a curt sketch of a bow, then jerked ramrod st
raight, the better to look down his nose at me.
I asked him, as politely as I could, why he was here.
He countered with the same question.
I repeated that this was my land, that I lived here.
"You live in a—"
"Pardon?" I did not know the last word.
He pointed meaningfully at the barn.
I looked insulted and told him that my house was elsewhere on the property.

"Why were you in the barn?" he demanded.
My explanation that I'd had a long day of walking and had stopped for a rest
did not sit well with him.
"He was dead" put in my former guard, somewhat fearful-
iy-
"Asleep" I corrected firmly, keeping a bland face.
"Dead" the man argued back.
I rolled my eyes and shrugged, trying to give the impression that the man ha
d lost his senses. Few of the other men were willing to give up what must ha
ve been a vivid first impression of me, either. Several nodded agreement wit
h the guard and made surreptitious gestures with one hand that supposedly pr
otected them against the evil eye. These may have been the very ones who had
 first entered the barn and found my seemingly lifeless corpse, probably not
 the first they'd encountered in their military ventures, but very certainly
 the first that had ever revived.
"Why are you here, sir?" I asked the officer.
But he was not to be distracted into going on the defensive and demanded a
further accounting to justify ray own presence.
"My German is poor, sir. Do you speak the English?"
"Nein," he said flatly, as though I'd insulted him.
"The French?"
"Nein." This time it was a sneer.
Sighing, I decided to forgo asking after his skill at Italian or Latin, then
an idea flashed up. "Do you know Lieutenant Nash of the British? He is my fri
end." Well, that was stretching
things a bit, but perhaps a familiar name might improve this fellow's disposit
ion.
"Nein. What are you doing here?"
I repeated myself.
"He was dead," insisted the guard.
The other men nodded.
The officer glared at him.
"It's true! We found his—"
Again, I had no understanding of this last word, but could guess that it me
ant "corpse" or "body." His gestures were eloquent as the man babbled on, a
nxious to prove his case that I was, indeed, deceased. His allies offered a
greement whenever he paused for breath, then Muller had enough and cut him
off with a sharp order. He was very good at glaring, and liberally demonstr
ated this talent to us all. The men came to attention for him, but it was u
neasily held by the guard's allies. When things were quiet again, Muller gr
owled at the guard, who saluted and went into the darkness of the barn.
When he emerged a moment later, he had another man with him, a civilian. T
he poor fellow's hands were bound and there was a rough sack over his head
, but I instantly recognized him.
"Jericho! What in God's name have they done to you?"
Heedless now of their threat, I rushed over to him and tore away the sack. J
ericho's face was covered with an uncharacteristic sheen of sweat, and he wa
s very white around the pupils. His lip was split, and a bad bruise was swel
ling one eye shut. His clothes were covered with dust and torn, and his move
ments were slow, silent and plaintive indication of his ill treatment.
I rounded on Muller, so white-hot with outrage that I was unable to speak.
Apparently my expression was eloquent enough, for this stone of a man actua
lly flinched before recovering himself.
"Who did this?" I snarled, forgetting myself and using English, but Muller
 seemed to understand my meaning.
"Keiller," he said to the guard.
Keiller responded with another rapid explanation. I didn't bother to try foll
owing it, having no interest in excuses. Instead, I found my penknife and cut
 away Jericho's bonds.
"Are you badly hurt?"
"I shall be able to walk home," he said. "And if not that, then I shall certainl
y crawl."
"What happened?"
He rubbed his wrists. His hands were shaking. He was shaking all over.
"You came out to check on me, is that it?" I prompted.
He nodded. "It was getting on to dark. I was waiting for you to wake up whe
n they came. They . . ." He gulped, clearing his throat. "Upon finding a Ne
gro man with a dead white man, they concluded that I had killed you."
"Oh, my God."
"They were . . . their reaction was not gentlemanly. I.. they were—" He was
swaying on his feet.
"Sit down, man," I said taking his arm.
'Wo. Not before them, I won't." He straightened with a glare every bit as
 formidable as Muller's. "They were going to hang me, Mr. Jonathan. Kept
waving a noose under my nose and laughing. Perhaps it might not have happ
ened, but I am most pleased that you woke up when you did."
I stared at him, a great knot in my throat, once more at a loss for words. T
he situation was all but beyond speech, yet somehow I found it and turned it
 upon Muller.
"You barbaric son of a whore—" I began. Muller may not have understood
my words, but he could make sense of my tone well enough.
"Mr. Jonathan, now is not the time to antagonize the man," Jericho cautione
d.
"He and his lot should be flogged for what they've done to you."
"Agreed, sir, but presently they have the numerical advantage."
I had more, much more, invective in me, but Jericho's reasoning had penetr
ated the anger fogging my thoughts. When I was once more my own master, I
saw that the best course of action was for us both to get away as quickly
as possible. Muller would doubtless object, but that was something that co
uld be easily overcome.
"Herr Muller, we are going home now." I stated this as inarguably as possibl
e, looking directly into his eyes. "You will excuse us." It was very polite,
 despite my hot feelings, but polite German was all I had. Fortunately, it s
erved. I did not know Muller well enough to be able to read any subtle changes
in his otherwise fierce expression, but my influence must have worked. He
made no objection when I put a supportive arm around Jericho and led him a
way. His men, taking this as assent, parted before us. Some were very anxi
ous to keep a goodly distance.
"By God, this is enough to turn me into a rebel myself," I growled as we lef
t them behind.
"I would not recommend it, sir."
"Damnation to the bastards. Why not?T>
"Because if this is how our friends treat us, how much worse might we rece
ive from our enemies?"
"I'm so sorry, Jericho. This is my fault."
"Hardly, Mr. Jonathan." He paused in his walk, gasping a bit. "May I ask to
simply lean on your arm, sir? I fear your well-intentioned assistance is som
ewhat painful to my ribs."
I let go of him and offered to run ahead and fetch the carriage and Dr. Beld
on, but Jericho insisted that we could be home by the time I'd returned with
 help, and so it proved. With him holding onto me for balance, we hobbled up
 one of the graveled paths to the house. When we were close enough, my shout
s brought forth one of the stable lads and all of the dogs. The noise attrac
ted more people, more help, and finally Dr. Beldon arrived to assume his dut
ies as a physician. I was very glad to turn the responsibilities of caretaki
ng over to him.
"Jonathan?" My father came striding over even as Beldon supervised Jericho
's removal into the house for treatment. "What in God's name is going on?"

After several unavoidable repetitions as more of the household came by to li
sten, I concluded my story to Father in the library. He understood from Eliz
abeth the purpose of my visit to the barn, and neither of them offered any o
bjection to my slightly expurgated version of the facts. The important issue
  for us was that there were unwelcome Hessian soldiers squatting on our land
.
"Beasts," said Elizabeth, in reference to Jericho's beating.
"You shouldn't have been out there to start with," said Mother, sniffing. "Pe
rhaps next time you'll stay home."
Since her comment had added nothing of merit to the conversation, I readily i
gnored it, as did everyone else. Perhaps we'd gotten used to them after all t
his time, making the task easier.
"Samuel, tomorrow you will immediately go and seek recourse about having t
hem removed from the property," she said. "This is intolerable. Next thing
  you know they'll be begging for food at our very door."
"It's more likely that they shall simply take it where it stands in the fields," h
e said.
"Then you will find a way to prevent that. They're here to fight the rebels, n
ot steal from the King's loyal subjects. If they want food, they can take it f
rom the seditionists but not from us."
"I'll do what I can, Marie."
"See to it." She jerked her chin up in a most insufferable manner, but my f
ather suffered it. Argument with his wife was both aggravating and futile,
so once more he refrained from doing so. She turned a cold eye on me. "And
this time you will help him, Jonathan Fonteyn. You've no illness or injury
to excuse you from an honest day's work anymore. This constant shirking is
to end. I didn't spend all that money on your education for you to lie abou
t the place doing nothing, What would people think?"
I considered that other people would hardly find my apparent inactivity to be
  in the least interesting, but kept that opinion to myself. "I'll do what I c
an, madam," I said, assuming Father's acquiescence. It seemed the wisest cour
se.
Her expression was such as to indicate she found my response to be irritating
, but not so much so as to upbraid me for it.
Dr. Beldon came in just then. "Your man is going to be all right, Mr. Barret
t," he told me. "There's some extensive bruising and a couple of cracked rib
s. He is in some discomfort and will be for some time, but he should eventua
lly make a full recovery."
"Thank heaven for that. And thank you for your kind help, Doctor."
"To be sure, I am only too happy to—"
"That's another mistake that should be corrected," Mother interrupted.
Beldon cut himself short. He'd had much practice at it in her company.
The corners of her mouth turned down more deeply than usual as she looked a
t me. "If you'd sold that creature off and hired a proper English servant a
s I'd told you to do years ago, none of this would have happened."
I took in a sharp breath and glanced at Father. He shook his head ever so sli
ghtly. That particular conflict had long been put to rest; Mother was talking
  only to hear the sound of her own voice. She was overly fond of it, I judged
.
"Well," said Father, standing up. "There's naught to be done about any of thi
s tonight, so let's try to forget about it for a few hours. Marie, would you
like to partner me at cards against the doctor and Mrs. Hardinbrook?"
Good God, but he was anxious to distract her to make such a proposal.
"Not yet, Samuel. I've some news of my own to impart."
He tried to put on a friendly, interested face, and almost succeeded. Mother's
  idea of news often turned out to be disappointingly trivial.
"I received a letter today from one of my cousins in Philadelphia. She says th
at conditions there are perfectly horrifying. The streets are awash with trait
ors, and their treatment of loyal subjects is a disgrace. She has wisely accep
ted my invitation to stay here until things are put right again."
"Really?" said Father, sounding a touch faint. "Which cousin might that be?
"
"Cousin Anne Fonteyn, of course," she said impatiently, as though Father
 should have somehow divined her thoughts and known.
"Cousin Anne?"
"Yes, Father's youngest brother's daughter. You know her."
"Yes, I seem to recall. . ."
"Oh, for heaven's sake, Samuel, if you don't remember her, then say so, I can'
t abide it when you dither like that."
Father's expression grew harder, but he did not give in to his emotions.
Elizabeth's eyes met mine, silently communicating her anger and sympathy fo
r his plight. I could almost hear her previous night's refrain: she's getti
ng worse. To some extent I could agree with her, but could not help thinkfl
ig that Mother was not worsening, only growing less inhibited in expressing
 her casual cruelties. It was when those expressions were questioned that s
he became worse.
"They'll be here any time, now, I'm sure."
"They?" asked Father.
"She said she was not traveling alone, as it's much too dangerous. I expect s
he'll have some servants with her. The
other cousins are choosing to remain in the city." Thanks be to God for his
 mercy, I thought. "I don't want her to think that we're a tribe of uncivil
ized savages. All will have to be in readiness for her arrival, including g
etting rid of those soldiers." She made them sound no more threatening than
 an inconveniently placed wasp nest to be smoked out by one of the groundsm
en. "I won't have them running about as though they owned the place. What w
ould people think?"
"For a woman with such keen concern over the opinions of others, one would
 assume she'd have an equal regard for those of her own family," I later c
onfided to Elizabeth when everyone had gone.
"Oh, bother it, Jonathan. The woman has no regard for anyone but herself."
Elizabeth had taken her favorite chair near the settee. She'd found a piece
 of string somewhere and endlessly curled and uncurled it around her finger
s. "The woman?"
Elizabeth paused to wearily rub the back of her neck. "I'll call her 'Mother
' to her face, but don't expect me to maintain any pretense of affection in
private. She's no mother to me beyond the fact that I lived in her womb for
some months before finally escaping." "Good God!"
"No need to be so shocked, little brother, for have you not had the same th
oughts yourself? I see that you have." "Perhaps not so crudely put—"
"I know and I'm sorry, but that woman angers me so. Were a stranger on the l
ane to treat me as she does, I'd have nothing more to do with her, yet we ha
ve to put up with it day after day after day, and it's far more dreadful for
 poor Father." She twined the string around one finger tightly, turning the
unadorned remainder of her flesh quite red from the constriction.
"At least he's able to find some solace with Mrs. Montagu, I think that's w
hy he proposed an early card game."
"Yes, get the evening's torture out of the way so he's free to leave. I'm gl
ad he has Mrs. Montagu; she must be of considerable comfort to him. I wish s
he could be our mother instead. In a way she was for all those years that th
at woman lived away from us. But she's Father's solace, not ours. I wish
I could find some for myself." She unwrapped her finger and studied the ridg
es the string had impressed into her flesh.
"What do you mean? Take a lover?" I all but whispered the last word.
"Take a ..." Her mouth sagged. "Oh heavens, Jonathan, of course not. What
are you thinking?"
My face went hot. "That's the problem, I wasn't. Please forgive me."
She thought about it awhile. "No need, I can see where you came up with that,
 and were I that sort of woman, I might consider it, but since I'm not, I sha
n't."
"But Mrs. Montagu is a perfectly respectable lady," I protested.
"Of independent means and with her own house, things which are denied me
. What were you thinking this time?"
"If I answered that, I should be repeating myself," I said glumly.
She laughed again, as I'd hoped she would, but sobered after a bit. "It's jus
t not fair. Men can follow all sorts of interesting pursuits, but women must
be satisfied with babies and running the house and doing what other people te
ll them."
"Were you a man, what would you do?"
"Want to turn back into a woman, but as a woman, I might like to go to Camb
ridge as you did. I could study law or medicine, but perhaps not the clergy
, as the work is much too hard: sermons every week, tea parties, and having
 to be nice to everyone, including people like her."
Mother. "What makes you think law or medicine is any less toilsome?"
"It's not, I'm sure, but I've a better head for it. I see how Father enjoys w
hat he does; he plows through his law books like a farmer in a field and he's
 brilliant at it. I've also watched Dr. Beldon. He may play the toady for a p
lace at table here, but he's a very good physician. I wonder why he doesn't s
et up his own household; he could easily support himself."
"It's too much to do. If he's busy running his own house, he might not have t
ime for his practice."
"Then he should marry. There must be some woman out there who enjoys h
ousework."
"I hardly think that wedlock is anything he'd want to try." I leaned back on
the settee and put my feet up on the arm
of Elizabeth's chair. "For a man of his nature, he's better off simply hiring
a housekeeper."
"Has he been any problem to you lately?"
"Not at all. He's a gentleman."
"And extremely fond of you."
"I'm aware of that, dear sister. However, it is not within me to return his re
gard in a like manner. He understands that."
"It's all rather sad, isn't it?"
"I suppose it is."
"Your boots want a polish," she said after a moment's idle study, having app
arently forgotten her length of string along with Dr. Beldon.
"Another time." Head cradled back in my clasped hands, I shut my eyes and
 sighed with vast contentment. "It worked, y'know."
"What worked?"
"Your idea about my sleeping in the barn."
"Really? With all the excitement about the Hessians, I forgot to ask. No ba
d dreams?"
"Not a one. I had no sense at all of the passage of the day— that's what lef
t me so confused, else I might have handled things differently when I woke u
p."
"That's wonderful, but what will you do tonight? You can't go back to the ba
rn."
"No, I can't, but the experiment was a success, and from that point perhaps
I may determine why it was successful. What quality is there about the barn
that allowed me to find true rest?"
"Darkness?" she suggested.
"I have that up in my room."
"Fresh air? I know there's none once Jericho closes the shutters and windows
 and puts up the blankets."
"That's something to consider. I could try sleeping in the basement today, pl
enty of air there every time the door opens. On the other hand, I do not brea
the regularly, so why should I require fresh air, particularly when I am in a
 state that so perfectly imitates death?"
She tapped one of my ankles. I opened my eyes. Her own were sparkling wit
h intense thought. "Consider this: where would you be had you not come ba
ck to us?"
"Out in the barn?"
"No! I mean where would you be if you hadn't come back? If you were stil
l—"
Ugh. I hated to think about that.
She answered for me. "You'd be in your grave. In the ground."
"My body only, I should hope and pray that my soul might be more happily
lodged in heaven."
"Exactly. But both your body and soul have returned to the earth. Might we
 consider that between your death and return that some sort of compromise
is required?"
"What are you leading to?"
"Well, just look at it. The only time you obtained any rest has been in the ba
rn, on the bare earth of the barn."
"Surely you're not asking me to return to my grave?" I found this idea to b
e not just repugnant, but enough to make my bones go all watery.
"Certainly not!"
"Then—oh, yes, I think I perceive it now. You're recommending that I simply
 sleep on the ground, preferably in some sheltered, sunless area."
"But I've already proposed to sleep in the basement."
"With the scullery boy tripping over you and getting a fright like those Hes
sians? No, I'm thinking that you might take a quantity of earth with you whe
n you go to bed this morning."
"Take the grave with me instead of me going to the grave? Oh, that makes lo
ts of sense."
"It's worth a try. Why don't you like it?"
"Because the idea of pouring a bucketful of earth onto the fresh, clean sheet
s of my bed and then cheerfully wallowing in it for the day is hardly appeali
ng."
"Jonathan, you ass, put it in a sack or something first."
"Oh. Well, I would have thought of that eventually."
Her mouth curled to one side, indicating that she didn't quite believe me.
"I'll think about it," I promised, which satisfied her, though her mouth remain
ed twisted, albeit for a different reason.
"Move your boots, would you? You stepped in something awful and I'm tired
of smelling it."
I shifted my feet from her chair arm and sat up. "So you don't think I should
 sleep in the basement?"
"Only if you insist. You'd have to have a little 'talk' with Mrs. Nooth, thoug
h, perhaps with the whole kitchen staff."
"No, thank you. The last time I did so much 'talking' I got a wretched heada
che for my trouble." Headache ... that reminded me of something. "Do you kno
w anything about this cousin who's about to inflict herself upon us?" It occ
urred to me that out of self-protection I might have to exert a little influ
ence over her when she arrived.
Elizabeth chuckled. "I talked to Mrs. Hardinbrook about her—or rather she
approached and talked to me. She hardly ever does that unless she wants to
 inform me of some glowing virtue about her dear brother that I may have o
verlooked in the last three years."
"What did she say about the cousin?"
"Only general pleasantries of how nice it will be to have fresh company, but
might it not be just a little bit crowded? She does like to clack on, you kno
w, but it was a touch forced this time. I can only conclude that she's worrie
d her position as the household's chief toad-eater is about to be usurped."
"Yes, and if it does get too crowded, Mother will choose blood kin over her
best friend."
"Otherwise, what would people think?" Elizabeth did a credible, if supremely
 unflattering imitation of Mother's favorite worry.
"Perhaps we may be sincere in our welcome of Cousin Anne, then. Unless she
 turns out to be as bad as Mrs. Hardinbrook ... or worse."
"That would take a bit of effort. Anne may share our Fonteyn blood, but pl
ease God, perhaps she's been spared the Fonteyn temperament."
"Amen to that," I said fervently.
"Samuel, have you done anything about those soldiers on our land?" Mother
 demanded as she'd done every night at dinner for nearly two weeks.
"I have."
"And what of it?"
"The situation is under the most urgent scrutiny."
Not quite a lie, but hardly the truth, which Father had confided to me some
time ago. The Hessians currently sheltering in the old barn at the edge of o
ur property would remain there until further notice. Without permission or e
ven a hint of payment, they'd made themselves at home by felling trees and s
laughtering some of our cattle that had strayed too close to their sentries.
 Father's protests to their commanders were politely accepted, and he expect
ed them to be just as politely ignored. It looked to be a long winter ahead
for us all.
"I want them out of there as soon as possible. We'll all be murdered in our be
ds and it shall be your fault."
Thus spoke Mother, and Father had the great good sense not to respond to he
r statement. Since I was in the next room (trying to read) and alone, I was
 allowed the luxury of privately making a face and shaking my head.
"Oh, but we are very safe, Marie," said Mrs. Hardinbrook. "I must confess
that until Lord Howe landed I had my worries, but now that his brave men a
re all over the Island—"
"Like ants on a corpse," muttered her brother.
"Really, Theophilous! We are eating!" "My apologies, sister, but in case you
 haven't noticed, it is those so-called brave men who are causing Mrs. Barre
tt so much distress."
"Well, of course there are bound to be some soldiers who may behave in a le
ss than honorable manner, but I'm sure their officers keep them in line."
"I think you'll find the officers are quite as bad. And as for those Hessian t
roops—" He broke off as though realizing that a detailed description of their
atrocities might prove to be more offensive than instructive.
"They are foreigners, after all," said Mrs. Hardinbrook. "What do you expec
t?"
Like Father, Beldon chose not to provide an answer. Mother was quick to step
 in where he had fallen back. "To be treated with the respect that is due to
 any loyal subject of the King."
"Amen to that," enthused Mrs. Hardinbrook. "Perhaps, Theophilous, you have
 not had the chance to meet some of the nicer officers, and therefore you'
ve gotten a poor impression of our defenders."
"I've met enough to know that being an officer does not mean that the fell
ow is automatically a gentleman. My God, Deborah, if you'd seen what had h
appened to that poor Bradford girl this morning—even the beasts in the wil
d do not violate their young with such—"
"Dr. Beldon." My mother's voice came down like a hammer. "I will not tolera
te such talk at my table."
An awkward silence followed—a frequent occurrence in this house—then cam
e the sound of a chair scraping over the floor as Beldon stood.
"Forgive me, Mrs. Barrett. I forgot myself and let my instincts as a physic
ian overcome my manners. You are quite right to remind me."
It was humbly spoken and apparently enough to appease Mother. Beldon next
 excused himself, and I heard the dining room door open and close.
"As I was saying, Samuel. . ." she resumed. But I stopped listening when B
eldon walked into the library, his face flushed and hands twitching. He ga
ve a slight jump when he saw me sprawled in my usual spot on the settee, m
umbled something about not wishing to intrude, and turned to leave.
"No, it's all right, I should greatly appreciate some company, Doctor, if yo
u don't mind. Perhaps you would like to have a glass of Madeira to help your
 digestion?"
I gave him no chance to refuse and was up and pouring the stuff myself, rather
 than call and wait for a servant to do it.
Nonplussed, for I had never really encouraged his company before, he accept
ed the drink and took another seat across from me. "You're very kind, Mr. B
arrett," he said, cautiously.
I shrugged. "Mother is in one of her more acid tempers tonight."
"You heard?"
"It was impossible not to."
Now he had a turn at shrugging and downed a good portion from his glass.
"What's this about the Bradford girl?"
Beldon was a gossip, albeit a pleasant one, but this particular subject was no
t one he was willing to explore. "I've no wish to be indelicate, Mr. Barrett."

"Nor have I. My interest is anything but prurient, I assure you. Will the girl b
e all right?"
He made a face. "In body, if not in soul."
"What happened?"
"I..." He labored a bit, then finally sighed. "I was taking the air this morn
ing when I saw one of the village midwives hurrying along the creek road. As
I'd not heard any of the ladies on the farms in that direction were in an exp
ectant state, I made bold to question the woman about her business. I got a s
hort answer for my trouble, but she didn't protest when I came with her.
"We got to the Bradford house and found the girl still in a much agitated sta
te, but able to tell her story. As soon as we got her calmed down, we both ex
amined her injuries and made careful note of all she said about her outrage.
Before another hour had passed I lodged a complaint with Lieutenant Nash abou
t the incident. He said he'd look into it." Beldon's tone implied that he had
 little faith in Nash's investigative abilities.
"You've spoken to Father about this, I hope?"
"Yes, and he's also made a protest. I think it may count more with Nash than
 mine, but whether any of it will count for anything remains to be seen."
"I think that it was most generous of you to do so much and
have no doubt that redress will soon follow."
"One can but hope. It's just the girl and her widowed mother, and they're a
ll alone but for a few house servants and some field slaves. Their land's j
ust enough to support them, but little else. When one has no money, one has
 no power. I just wish I could do more for them." "But surely you've—"
"I mean that the girl has had more than her honor taken from her. There's such
 a thing as innocence as well. She's hardly more than fifteen and will likely
carry this wretched burden with her all the rest of her life. It's enough to c
rack a heart of stone."
"But not, apparently, Lieutenant Nash's?"
"He's a self-important little coward hell-bent on avoiding any problem that fa
lls his way. I suppose he thinks that by not dealing with it, and telling his
superiors that all is well, he'll finish out this campaign with a promotion."
"Coward?"
"To anyone in the army above the rank of lieutenant. I've seen his like befor
e."
I did not question him on that point. He'd once served in the army years bac
k during the war with the French, and loathed to speak of it. That he even m
ade a reference to it now indicated to me the depth of his feelings.
"Is there no more to be done? Can we not speak to someone other than Nash
?" I asked.
"I suppose so, but there's so much going on that I doubt anyone will listen.
 Poor Miss Bradford is but another report to those in charge. They've more p
ressing matters on their mind than to seek redress for some penniless, frien
dless farm girl. It's also sick-making to think her attacker is yet unpunish
ed. He's probably boasting to others this very minute about what he's done a
nd perhaps plans to repeat his crime."
"Did you get his name?"
He shook his head. "She described him well enough, though. It was definitel
y an officer, from the look of his uniform. Had a scar shaped like a backwa
rds 'L' on his cheek. Shouldn't be hard to find him, but Nash put me off. D
amn the man." He finished his Madeira.
"Another glass?"
"No, thank you. I appreciate your listening to all this. It's very kind of you
to be concerned."
"At your service, sir."
He stood. "I think I'll just check on Jericho, then have a walk about the grou
nds."
I lifted my brows. "No card game with Mother?"
He shot me a guarded look. He was well aware of how things were in this fami
ly, with Father, Elizabeth, and myself drawn close to support one another ag
ainst Mother's ill temperament. As a physician, he was often called upon to
treat Mother's more severe attacks, but as a toad-eating dependant, he had t
o pretend, like his carefully blind sister, that nothing was wrong. It often
 left him adrift somewhere in the middle of the mess, and I felt sorry for h
im about it.
He perceived that I was not mocking him with my question. Such abuse came
often enough from "dear Deborah," so I found no fault with his brief doubt
 against me. He shook his head and smiled shyly. "I don't think so. Haven'
t the stomach for it tonight. Good evening, Mr. Barrett." His step was slo
w as he left, his shoulders a little slumped. Sometimes sympathy can be as
 heavy a burden as contempt.
I put my book aside and ground my teeth for several minutes, which accomplis
hed nothing. I'd been doing quite a lot of that lately: nothing.
It had been necessary for me to "talk" with the kitchen staff, after all, so
that they would take no notice of me sleeping the day through in a remote cor
ner of the cellar. It was very rough sanctuary compared with my excellent bed
 upstairs, but safe from fire and discreet. I rested better than a king lying
 on the tamped-down earth there. No longer prey to the distraction of constan
t fatigue, I now chafed for something to do.
My very early morning activities of exploring the sky above our lands had no
t yet palled, but there was a certain hollowness in such a solitary pursuit.
 To share the experience with a companion would have been a blessing, but th
at, I found, was an impossibility. My talent for vanishing was confined to m
yself alone. A few nights ago, Elizabeth had bravely agreed to participate i
n an experiment to see if she might be able to disappear with me. She'd been
 less than enthusiastic, but balanced it with cautious curiosity. Putting my
 arm around her, I gradually ceased to be, but she remained solid as ever an
d shivering with sudden chill.
"You seem to draw all the warmth out of the air when you do that," she obs
erved upon my disappointed return.
"I wonder why that is? Perhaps I could ask Rapelji about it."
"You could try, but don't let Rachel or Sarah hear you or it will be all over
the Island by noon."
"It was but jesting speculation, sister. What Rapelji and his housekeepers d
on't know won't hurt me. I'll keep my questions to myself."
Alone. I was tired of being alone. I was tired of being in the house. Any ri
des I took on Roily were limited to the immediate grounds, as it was dangero
us to go any farther after dark. I had no fear for my own security so much a
s that of my horse. Roily was too dear to me to lose him to a stray musket b
all or to a greedy soldier looking to confiscate some four-legged booty.
Well, if I couldn't distract myself with riding, then at least I could walk
, and I had a mind to walk a goodly distance tonight. After a quick stop in
 my room to ready myself with hat, stick, and some spare coin, I made my es
cape out the side door. My only encounter was with Archimedes, Jericho's fa
ther and valet to mine. A naturally taciturn man, he merely raised an eyebr
ow at my leaving. I nodded back and told him I was going for a walk, should
 anyone ask after me. His brow twitched and his lips thinned. By that I und
erstood that Father would shortly know of my nocturnal ramble. It hardly ma
ttered. Father knew I would be safe enough.
It was much too early, and I was too close to the house, to try taking to the
 air; also, the wind was very gusty and strong with the promise of rain in it
. I thought of going back for my cloak, but decided my plain blue wool coat w
ould suffice. I was not at all cold.
Yet another immunity, Nora? I thought, trudging off into the dark that was
not dark to me. To my best recollection, she'd never complained of the cold
, not even during the worst of England's weather.
I left our long drive and turned onto the Glenbriar road. If I was careful
and quiet, I would not need to worry about sentries until quite close to Gl
enbriar, and even then they were of little concern to me. The ones under Li
eutenant Nash's immediate command all knew my face, though God knows what e
lse they knew about me if those two Hessians I'd frightened a while back ha
d been talking.
The walk was more invigorating than fatiguing despite the rough tug of the
wind. I was not hungry, not yet, perhaps not
even for the night, having learned that nightly feeding was not always neces
sary for my needs. Every other evening suited for me, that is, if I did not
indulge in skyward antics, an exercise which naturally roused a good appetit
e.
I passed many familiar landmarks, marveling at them anew in the bright silv
er glow that seeped through the roiling clouds high above. Diffuse and shad
owless, but occasionally uneven, it was like watching sea waves dance as th
e light fluttered over the ground and wove between the trees arid hedges. I
 could have read a book by it, but for the distracting motion. On the other
 hand, why should I read when such fleeting natural entertainment offered i
tself? The book would be there when things calmed again.
The buildings gradually increased in number, and I caught the attention of
 a few dogs as I passed down the lane. Shutters opened or remained shut, d
epending on the courage of the occupants. I was challenged by two gruff se
ntries, but they recognized me and let me pass unquestioned. They were not
 the two who had called me "blutsauger."
The Oak was a venerable old inn that had started as a simple tavern back whe
n the first settlers had come to take land from the local Indian tribes. It
was said that many a grant and swindle had occurred over the tables there an
d little had changed since that time. It had grown quickly through the years
 and boasted several comfortable rooms now. Mr. Fair, the owner, brewed exce
llent beer and ale and had a good cook, but alas, I was no longer permitted
to partake of those particular earthly pleasures again.
As Glenbriar was but a small village, the keeping of early hours had been t
he rule, but not anymore. The soldiers had turned the inn into a kind of he
adquarters, and they kept whatever hours their mood demanded. Perhaps Mr. F
air was making a healthy profit; he certainly deserved some compensation fo
r all the inconvenience.
"Good evening, all," I said, crossing the threshold.
The common room held all varieties of soldiers, most of them divided into gr
oups by subtle variations of their uniforms. There were a number of familiar
 village faces as well, also crowded together. I saw scant evidence of them
mingling with one another. Because of the disruptions, outrages, and out-and
-out theft by our saviors, there was little love between the civilians and t
he military.
"Mr. Fair." Smiling, I approached him where he sat smoking at his favorite sp
ot near the fire.
He stood, looking all pale and awkward. Like many others in our community,
 he'd heard of my death and burial. And by now he'd also heard my sister's
 story that it had been a visiting cousin of mine of the same name who had
 died, not me. As with many other folk, he was in sore confusion over what
 to believe about the incident. He'd seen me more than once since the nigh
t of my return, but still suffered from a base and lingering fear of me. W
ithout an overworking of my usual manner, I always tried to put the man at
 ease whenever possible.
I shook his hand and inquired after his health and got a halting reply about
 the ache in his bones, an unfortunate reminder for him. The last time I'd b
een by, my broken arm had been in a sling. His eyes traveled down to that pa
rticular limb, and he made a similar inquiry after my well-being.
"Feeling quite the best these days, Mr. Farr. Dr. Beldon is a miracle man. P
atched me back together better than before. I'm sure he'd be more than happy
 to help if you wished to consult him yourself."
"Er—ah—yes, I s'pose I might do that some time, sir. Can I get you anythin
g?"
"Not just now, thank you. I came by to talk with Lieutenant Nash. I hope tha
t I may find him in?"
"He'll be in t'other room there. Quieter." He indicated a door off to one si
de. I excused myself to Farr, knocked twice to announce myself, and went in.
Nash was nearly finished with his supper. Quite a boneyard of chicken leavi
ngs was piled on his plate, and he was in the act of washing down a last cr
ust of pie with his beer when 1 entered. He hastily swallowed, coughed, and
 stood up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Good God, it's Mr. Barrett!" he exclaimed. His pleased surprise was highly
 gratifying. I hadn't known what sort of welcome to expect.
We shared a greasy handshake and he invited me to sit with him. I declined h
is offer of refreshment.
"How have you been, sir? Arm all better, I see?" he asked, settling himself
once more.
"All better," I echoed and once again gave the credit to Beldon.
"That is good to hear. It was bothering you quite a lot the last time I saw yo
u. Figured that's how we lost track of you that night."
I'd been "helping" Nash chase down some escaped rebels then, and he was ri
ght, my arm had caused me much discomfort at the time. "Yes, I'm sorry abo
ut that."
"Where did you get to, anyway?" he asked, his eye still sharp after what mus
t have been a sizable flagon of beer.
Oh, dear. If I had one more mixed blessing to thank Nora for, it was being
forced to learn how to lie quickly and well. I hated it, as any lie was a d
ishonor, but the alternative was even more dishonorable, depending on the c
ircumstances. This time I judged them to be safe enough for me to bluff my
way through.
"I'm not really sure, Mr. Nash. I recall trying to chase down those murderin
g thieves, and then I got all turned around in the dark. Very alarming, that
. I've lived all my life here and know every stick and stone and then to get
 lost..." I gave out with a deprecating laugh. "When I got tired of blunderi
ng around, I gave my horse her head and she took me straight home, thank Pro
vidence. Beldon said I was a touch feverish, y'know. Went to bed and stayed
there all the next day and the next, I was that worn."
"And in your wanderings, did you ever stray up toward the north road?"
"I've no recollection of going that far. If I had, then I might have found my
 way back without the horse's help."
"Very odd, sir, for some of the soldiers there reported seeing three suspici
ous-looking men that night. Two took off on a horse and went east on the roa
d and the third ran away inland." Nash had left out one of the chief reasons
 for our hasty removal from the area, which was that the soldiers had fired
upon us. We would have hared off anyway, but flying musket balls had lent ad
ditional speed to our exit.
"Three men? Sounds like your escaped prisoners found some help."
"My guess is that they ran into the fellow with the horse and persuaded him
to treason."
"Persuaded?"
"That is, if he were a loyal subject. Though a mystery remains as to why he
has not yet come forward about the incident. My other best guess is that the
 fellow was a traitor
to begin with and, aware of their escape, took the first available opportunit
y to step in and help them get clean away."
"Have you taken steps to find him?"
"It did not seem necessary, as I thought that sooner or later he would come t
o me."
I put on a skeptical face. "Most obliging of him to do so, particularly if he's a
 traitor."
Nash looked me up and down. "Yes. Most obliging, Mr. Barrett."
"Any idea who he is?"
"A very good idea."
"Why, then, have you waited?"
He took his time before answering, perhaps hoping to make me sweat, but I
kept a steady eye and an innocent manner. "Another thought occurred to me
that the gentleman"—there was some emphasis on that word—"might find a dis
closure of this incident to be not only bad for his health, but of supreme
 embarrassment to his family. I thought that the gentleman might appreciat
e an opportunity to avert such a catastrophic scandal."
"That's uncommonly kind of you, Mr. Nash, but might that not be compromi
sing to your duty to the Crown?"
"Only if the gentleman decides to talk about the incident. It has been my ex
perience that given the choice, most men would rather keep silent than put t
heir necks in a noose."
"And silence has a price, does it not?"
"A reasonable one, compared to the alternative," he murmured.
"There's more than one alternative, y'know."
"Indeed?"
I leaned forward into the candlelight and fastened my eyes upon his. Circums
tances had changed; I'd misjudged Nash's intelligence and greed. Time to end
 the bluff for both of us. "Yes, Mr. Nash, and that's for you to forget all
about it."
He blinked several times. I worried that he'd had too much beer for my infl
uence to have any effect on him. "Forget?"
"Forget about the gentleman and your suspicions about him. In fact, you have
no mind for him at all. The rebels met a stranger on the road and they all es
caped. They're someone else's problem now. There will be no bribes given, no
further inquiries to other soldiers, to the gentleman, or to his family. It's
 quite for the best, now, isn't it?"
"Eh . . . yes, I suppose it is," he responded shakily. He seemed a little sh
ort of breath. I watched him carefully, worried that he'd been aware of what
 I'd done to him. After a moment, he appeared to be himself again, if not a
touch distracted. I went to the door and called for another flagon of beer.
When I came back to the table, Nash had assumed an air of puzzlement, as tho
ugh trying hard to remember something important. I'd seen that look before o
n others as well as myself in the past—in the past with Nora. It told me tha
t I'd have no more trouble with the man.
Drink delivered and pot boy gone, I resumed our talk, this time bringing it
around to a subject of my choosing.
"I'm sure my father has been to see you more than once about those Hessians
 that have taken over our old barn," I said, pushing the beer toward him.
Nash eyed it as if undecided about having an additional drink, especially on
e I'd bought him. "He has, sir. Many others have as well, but I fear I can d
o nothing for any of them. The troops must be quartered, and better an unuse
d barn than your own house. Everyone else has to put up with it; there can b
e no exceptions."
As he warmed to something familiar, his confidence returned and he ended wi
th a polite, but uncompromising tone. There'd be no improvement for this si
tuation. I'd expected as much. Besides, if I influenced Nash into ridding u
s of the men, it might look odd. There'd been enough oddness connected with
 our family already; I had no wish to augment it. Father and I had done our
 best. If Mother wanted the Hessians off our land, she could argue with the
m herself.
"We must all do our duty as the King's loyal subjects, Mr. Nash," I said. "I
just hope that the Crown will be equally generous in recompensing us for all
our hospitality."
"As do I, Mr. Barrett." Since Nash was into collections, not purchases, he wa
s not responsible for paying people for their lost victuals. In any other tim
e or place he'd be hanged as a thief.
"May I count on you to see that we are not ignored?"
"You may place your every confidence in me, sir," he said heartily. It was a
 vague enough promise. I trusted him to keep it so long as it did not cause
him too great an inconvenience.
"I wanted to consult you about another problem that's come to my attention, s
ir," I continued.
He made an expansive gesture, certain that my complaint would be within hi
s ability to correct, providing a suitable sum of money changed hands.
"As you've probably heard from both Dr. Beldon and my father, a young girl
 was outraged by one of the officers in this area—"
"I think not, Mr. Barrett," he said, suddenly cool. "His Majesty's officers
are honorable men and not likely to—" "Listen to me, Nash!"
He left his sentence unfinished, mouth agape, and eyes gone wide and dull.
I'd had enough of posturing and words with more than one meaning; some of m
y anger had broken out and threatened to escape entirely. Now that I had a
vessel to pour it into, it was extremely difficult to keep it in check. The
re was a strong temptation boiling up within to let it free, but that, some
 instinct told me, would not be a good idea. Nora had once lost her temper
while influencing someone, and the resulting shock to the other's mind had
been most unfortunate.
The memory of that fearful encounter served to calm me. After a moment or
so, I was my own master again and able to speak in a civil manner.
"Nash, I don't care about the honor of His Majesty's officers. All I want is r
edress for that poor girl. The bastard who violated her is to be punished in f
ull, and you will see to it. You've heard his description, you must know who h
e is." "Yesss . . ." he said faintly.
"Good. Then you won't waste another minute hunting him down and seeing tha
t you make an example of him for his crime. You'll drum it into the heads
of every one of your men, because if this happens again, I'm holding you r
esponsible." He was trembling. That made two of us, but for very different
 reasons.
"I want you to treat this business as though that girl were your own dear da
ughter, understand?"
Eyes blank, body shaking like a leaf in a gale, and brow streaming with swe
at, he nodded.
"Then get started." I looked away, glancing back only when his sharp gasp a
nnounced that he'd recovered his senses.
He stood, deathly pale, and his eyes did not quite meet mine. "Y—you must e
xcuse me, Mr. Barrett, but I've a most urgent errand to attend to just now.
" His hands nervously worked one against the other.
When I took a breath to make a reply, I picked up a sudden tang of scent
from him and somehow knew what it was: fear.
Well-a-day.
I could have taken it away from him, but it pleased me that Nash should be a
fraid. Of me. In my Latin studies I'd read some Machiavelli and made note of
 his harsh but highly practical recommendation that "it is much safer to be
feared than loved," so I left things as they were. The favorable regard of t
his one soldier was of little value to me; I could live without it as long a
s he did what was expected of him.
"Of course, Lieutenant. I wish you every success," I muttered to his back as
 he rushed out the door.
Nash collected all the uniformed men in the common room and left, much to t
he mystification of the remaining folk. I suppose I could have gone home th
en, but I was hungry for company. A change of company. He'd given me a sour
 belly, and unless I found some distraction, I'd likely carry the foul tast
e of his greedy game playing with me all the rest of what promised to be a
long night.
When I emerged in his wake from the private room, questioning eyes focus
ed upon me.
"What 'uz all that about, Mr. Barrett?" someone called.
I hesitated.
They ascribed an ominous meaning to that pause. "What is it, sir? Are there
rebels about? They go off t' fight 'em?"
"Rebels? No, nothing like that." I abruptly saw things from their point of
view. Having noted my lengthy talk with Nash and his subsequent hasty exit,
 they might well have thought I'd brought news of some unhappy incursion by
 members of the rebel forces. "Mr. Nash remembered a duty he'd left undone
and went to see about it, that's all he would say to me."
Thus was I able to shrug off their additional questions. I was loath to ment
ion the business about the Bradford girl. The story of her misfortune would
carry through the village soon enough.
The coin I'd brought provided the distraction I craved. The price of a few d
rinks for the other customers guaranteed me all the companionship I could ha
ve wished for. Perhaps they weren't as clever or as sophisticated as the fri
ends I'd left behind at Cambridge, but they were solid as the earth itself a
nd honest enough when given the chance. I wondered if any
of them had run up against Nash's genteel squeezing, then firmly put it fr
om my mind. Few of them had any money to speak of, unlike me.
Though repeatedly invited to drink with them, I managed to dodge the hono
r by a solemn invocation of Beldon's name.
"He made my arm better, but tells me it's still mending itself inside. He's pa
rticularly strict about my eating and drinking, but never said I couldn't enjo
y watching others do it for me."
This brought out an unexpected and extremely ribald comment from Mr. Thay
er, an elderly farmer smoking his thin pipe in one corner. What he said a
nd how he said it, combined with the man's age, doubled us over and inspi
red more talk along similar lines. Because business was so good, Mr. Fair
—who usually did not tolerate much rough speech—ignored us and kept the d
rink flowing.
The ensuing hours passed quickly and pleasantly for us, perhaps more so for
 them than for me, as most of the jests were improved by the constant inges
tion of beer and gin. I laughed along with most of the talk, though, and he
ard all the gossip and added my speculations to theirs about the progress o
f the war, such as it was. For us, it was as good as over now that Howe had
 chased Washington off the Island.
"He'll have to hurry to catch him up," said Mr. Curtis, who had a farm east
of the village and was sometimes privy to more recent news than the rest of
us. " 'Twill be over soon enough. I heard the whole rebel army was on the ru
n and not planning to stop 'til they reached Connecticut."
"Good riddance to 'em," someone put in. "Connecticut deserves 'em, not us."
"Aye, they do," added another. "Connecticut, bah!" He spat on the floor.
"If you please, Mr. Davis!" protested Farr, preventing the rest of us from fol
lowing suit.
Davis grinned and drunkenly apologized. "Think I'll take m'self 'ome, gen'lm
n." He detached himself from his table and might have fallen flat if Curtis
hadn't smoothly grabbed the back of his coat.
"You won't make it home walking on your nose, son," he observed.
"Reckon I won't," said Davis, bent hard over and talking to his shoes.
Since I'd been the direct cause of his drunken state, I thought it only right
 to see the man to his door. "Come along with you, Mr. Davis. Let's go look f
or some fresh air. Good night, all." This time I got a hearty response; even
Mr. Farr joined in the chorus of good-byes as I collected Davis and steered h
im outside.
"No need t' be such trouble o'r me, Mr. Barrett," he said.
"It's no trouble, Mr. Davis."
Weaving, we made our way across the village common. His house wasn't very d
istant, and he wasn't much of a burden. Had I been in a hurry, I could have
 easily thrown him over one shoulder, but there was no need for haste or to
 remove what small dignity remained to him. Besides, the evening air that w
e sought was pleasant enough now that the wind had died off. It was still c
ool—as far as I could tell—and the sky yet had a promise of rain in it, but
 later, probably just before dawn.
Any sentries that were about left us alone. It had long since been determin
ed that the rebel prisoners had made a clean escape, so Nash's unpopular cu
rfew had been lifted. The presence of His Majesty's soldiers in Glenbriar h
ad disrupted things mightily, but life was gradually getting back to normal
. Much daily business went on as before and, as evidenced by the carousing
at The Oak, the nightly business went on as well.
"Very kind of you, 'm sure," said Davis, mumbling to his shoes again. " 'M in
 your debt, sir."
"Think nothing of it, Mr. Davis. You and your friends have helped restore my
 faltering faith in the goodness of man's nature." He couldn't have understo
od one word in five, but it mattered little to me.
"What about the goodness of woman's nature?" a feminine voice inquired ou
t of nowhere.
I stopped, nearly tripping Davis, who could ill afford a fall. "Who's there?"
She answered with a giggle, no doubt inspired by my startled tone.
Davis swayed in my arms and threatened to topple right over. I peered int
o the dark doorway of the house we were passing. The voice had come from
the shadows within.
"It's Molly Audy, if you're that interested, Mr. Barrett," she said, stepping fr
ee of her shelter.

We'd had no formal introduction prior to this encounter, but as Glenbriar wa
s such a small place it wasn't any surprise that she knew who I was, and I c
ertainly had seen her before.
Molly earned her bread by sewing during the day, and the rest of life's nec
essities were earned on her back at night. She was shunned by the ladies of
 the village, but not to the point that they could oust her from the commun
ity altogether. Molly's behavior and dress were outwardly respectable and m
odest and she was famous for her discretion, a quality that the men could w
ell appreciate. She'd been the object of much of my study before I'd been s
ent off to Cambridge, study made at a distance, mind you. She was five year
s older than I, which had seemed a great gulf of age at the time. I'd been
much too nervous to approach her then.
Well, a university education and some spare money can do wonders for a yo
ung man's confidence, and, though surprised, I was not reduced to stammer
ing out an awkward greeting as I might have done some three years ago. I
wished her a good evening and she returned it to me.
"Looks like your friend's had too much, need some help?" She floated toward
 us, eyes bright and a smile hovering just behind them. As she came closer,
 the smile burst forth. Davis had abruptly turned into a damned nuisance. "
No, uh—that is, yes! I certainly could use some assistance, Miss Audy. I'm
not exactly sure which house he belongs to." Oh, dear, but lust does make e
asy liars of us all.
Molly's raised brows said that she was aware of the lie, but was willing to
overlook it while letting me know she was doing just that. She had a remarka
ble range of expression, I noted. "It's not far, just come along with me, si
r." At a faster pace than before, I all but dragged Davis along as Molly led
 the way. She unerringly found and pushed open a door to yet another darkene
d house. I had little desire to linger in my surroundings and stayed just lo
ng enough to drop Davis into a chair before following Molly out again. "Will
 he be all right, you think?" she asked. "I'm sure of it," I said as concern
 for Davis fairly galloped from my mind. "A good night's sleep is all he wan
ts." She giggled again. "Don't we all?" I swept my hat off and bowed, which
brought forth another giggle. "I'm deeply in debt for your help, Miss Audy.
May I repay you in some small way by safely escorting you home?"
She slipped an arm into mine. "La, Mr. Barrett, but I do like the way you tal
k."
"I'll be more than happy to continue for as long as you find it entertaining."
"Then maybe you can tell me what you think about 'the goodness of women.'
 "
"On that subject, I'm sure to turn quite eloquent, given the proper inspiration
."
We returned to her dark doorway, and she drew me first inside her house and
then inside the reach of her arms. I bent down to give her a proper kiss and
 got a gratifying response.
"Such a big, strong fellow you are," she said, hands kneading away at my sh
oulders.
"And you are quite the beautiful lady."
"I try my best, though times are very hard, especially when one is all alone in
 the world . . ."
Instantly taking the hint, I groped for my money purse and we paused a mo
ment to work out the mundane details of payment for services about to be
rendered. Once business was out of the way, we resumed more intimate expl
orations. Molly, I discovered, very much enjoyed her work.
"Come back this way, Johnny boy," she cooed, slipping some fingers into th
e waist of my breeches and pulling me along.
To her bedroom, it turned out.
She threw the coverlet to one side and made me sit on the bed. A single cand
le burned in a holder set in a bowl of water on one table. The room was smal
l but orderly, not that I cared much for her skills at housekeeping. She had
 other, much more interesting skills to hold my attention.
Like undressing herself.
One by one, she undid the hooks holding the front of her bodice together, pl
ayfully slapping my hand away when I offered to help. I gave up, lay back on
 my elbows, and watched. Free of the bodice, she put it on a chair and next
attacked her wide skirts, petticoats, and other complications I couldn't beg
in to name. It took her some little time, but she finally worked her way dow
n to her corset and shift. She retained her shoes and white silk stockings.
I found her red garters to be particularly charming and said as much. For my
 benefit, she pulled a chair close and put one foot upon it, allowing me to
make a closer examination not only of the garter, but the shapely leg it enc
ircled. The
lower part of the shift quite naturally fell back a bit owing to this change of
 position, gifting me with the chance to further my studies.
This time Molly made no objection when I offered assistance in the matter of
 undoing the lacings of her corset.
"You've done this before, my lad, haven't you?" she commented.
Oh, yes, but Nora was in England and Molly was very much here. I zealousl
y plucked at the bow and loosened one loop after another.
"Ah, that does feel good," she said when I got the thing off. Understanding
that she'd found its confines rather restricting, I did my best to help rest
ore circulation to her upper body. Perhaps I was a bit too vigorous as she s
eemed to lose her balance and fell atop me onto the bed. But she was laughin
g, a laugh that I smothered as I pulled her mouth down to meet mine.
"Your turn," she softly announced a few very active minutes later. One-han
ded, she discovered the buttons on one side of my breeches and began to un
do them.
"Not yet." I was too busy trying to get her shift off to worry about my own
clothes. The garment finally flew up over her head and I dragged her close a
gain and kept her fully occupied for awhile.
"Fair's fair, love," she protested. "I've a mind to see those muscles I been
 feeling." She teased open my neckcloth and began a fast assault on my waist
coat buttons, then my shirt. She was not, I was happy to see, disappointed w
ith what lay beneath. "Now for the best part. . ." Her hand wandered down to
 my breeches again. I caught it and brought it up to my lips for a kiss, the
n returned to her mouth.
It's different, I thought. Very decidedly different than before. Instead of
a grand stirring of pleasure confined between my legs, I was stirred up, as
it were, throughout all my body. It had never been this intense before. My G
od, if I felt like this now, what would our consummation be like? There's on
e way to find out, Johnny boy. We rolled and tossed around in a most energet
ic and pleasing way until Molly grew feverish and was impatient for me to fi
nish things off. I kept her away from my breeches, though, for I understood
now that their presence or absence would make little difference as to how th
is event ended for either of us. She thrashed under me, breathless and calli
ng for me to
hurry. My answer was to seek out the pulse in her taut throat and firmly run
 my tongue over her smooth skin. Then she went utterly still.
"Yes" she whispered.
Teeth and tongue working together, I bit into her neck. Her nails, in turn,
 bit into my back and her whole body writhed upward against mine. I knew wh
at Molly was going through, having received this kind of kiss myself. Nora
had taught me to appreciate every second and to crave the next and that wit
h care, the ecstasy could be drawn out indefinitely.
The red fire of Molly's blood drifted into my mouth a drop at a time, to be
 savored like the rarest of nectars. She shuddered and moaned and moved und
er me in such a way as to invite me to drink more deeply from her. The temp
tation was there; I'd never tasted anything so sweet, so perfect. I drew in
 a bit more, a whole mouthful. Swallowed.
It was almost too much to bear. For us both. She cried out and pressed hard
 on the back of my neck as though she wanted me to empty her to the dregs.
But that would be ... not right. If I took too much from her, it would some
how be too much for me. For then I would lose myself; I'd be completely ove
rwhelmed and lost. Ah, but it was so sweet, so good. Very decidedly differe
nt. . .
It was all that I desired and more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.
 ... better. Much, much better.
Except for Molly's heartbeat, all was silent within that room, but within my
self I heard her blood roaring throughout my body, my soul. For a time I was
 overwhelmed and lost in the vast pleasure of that hot tide. I floated like
a leaf and let it carry me along to ... I don't know were. Perhaps it was a
place where all my happiest dreams lived, safe from the harshness of normal
existence, where body, mind, and soul could meld with one another, able to c
ombine all their respective delights into one devastating sharing.
I didn't want to leave, but taking the life from Molly a mouthful, or even a
drop, at a time could not last forever, and I would not hurt her for the worl
d ... or even to maintain this incredible joy. Eventually, after a very long
while, I slowly made my way back.
My next clear memory was of kissing away the last traces of blood from he
r skin. There remained behind two small, angry-looking wounds, but I knew
 their alarming appearance would pass rapidly. By morning they would be m
uch less noticeable and be completely gone in a day or two.
Unless I decided to return to her.
Molly lay quiet for some time as her breath returned to normal. The orange
light from the candle gilded the sheen of sweat covering her. She seemed to
 glow like an angel in a painting. Propped on one elbow, I ran a hand over
her body, taking enormous delight in simply touching all that lovely, lovel
y flesh.
She turned her face toward me. Her eyes swept me up and down, wide and not
 a little puzzled.
"What is it?" I asked.
Her mouth opened. She shook her head. "My God ... is that what they teach
 you in England?"
"You liked it?"
"I didn't have much of a choice, Johnny boy. It sort of grabbed me up and I c
ouldn't stop it—not that I wanted to try."
This wasn't the empty flattery of Molly the experienced prostitute wanting
 a steady customer; I sensed that right enough. I'd honestly impressed Mol
ly the woman, which made me feel very good, indeed.
She squinted in the dim light. "Your eyes are funny. They've gone all red."
"It'll go away, nothing to worry about. You needn't mention it to anyone."
I looked at her closely and ran my hand over the spot on her neck. "You nee
dn't mention any of this to anyone."
But there wasn't enough light for my attempt to influence her to work. Her
 expression remained unchanged.
"Don't want people to know how you do it? Is that it?" she asked.
Perhaps another candle ... or if we moved closer to the light. . .
She shrugged. "You've naught to worry about there, Mr. Barrett. Molly the Mu
m is what they call me, and with good reason. I start passing tales, and gen
tlemen'11 think twice before they come for a visit. I'm like a doctor, I am,
 and I don't talk about those as come to see me."
"Oh," I said, temporarily nonplussed.
"Anyways, there's stranger things I've done with gentlemen and none of them
 nowhere as nice as this. God!" She pushed her head back into the pillow an
d stared at the shadowy ceiling, her eyes shining again.
Well, it looked as though my secret was safe enough without special promptin
g, though I did feel obligated to offer a caution to her on the subject. "It
 would not be a good idea for you to try this yourself on anyone, y'know. Or
 to have them do it to you."
Her voice had grown soft. "I think I figured that out for myself, sir. Beside
s, without you, it wouldn't be quite the same thing, now, would it?"
"You're uncommonly kind, Miss Audy."
"There you go again with that nice talk," she said, grinning.
"May I take that to mean I might be privileged to enjoy your delightful comp
any in the future?" I asked, playing along with her.
She sat up a little to look right at me. "Lord have mercy, but if you promi
se to do this to me again"—she brushed her neck with her fingertips—"as God
 is my witness, Johnny boy, I'll be paying you!"
December 1776
"Then our mother said, 'Anne, we were so worried about you, thank heaven y
ou've come at last!' and she threw her arms around her like she meant it."
"You think she didn't?"
"Knowing what she's really like?" Elizabeth snorted. "Maybe that's why she
 hates us so much, because we know the truth about her."
"I don't think she hates us so much as she has no regard for anyone but herse
lf."
"No, little brother. She hates. It's covered up most of the time—that woman
seems to have a bottomless supply of pretense—but it is there nonetheless. T
he fits that overcome her can't excuse it. There's a malignancy in her very
soul."
"But not in yours," I said quietly, meaning to reassure.
Elizabeth gave me a sharp look.
"There is none of that in you."
Like a slow fever that refuses to rise high enough to burn itself out, more a
nd more, Mother's dark presence intruded upon every subject, every activity f
or Elizabeth.
"I think you dwell on her too much."
She looked down, her face going red. "Am I trying your patience with my c
omplaints?"
"No, but Mother is obviously trying yours."

What had begun as a light description of this morning's arrival of Cousin A
nne had turned in on itself and soured. My sister, I was grieved to see, wa
s not a happy woman, nor was her mood in danger of leaving.
"Is there no way that you can ignore her?" I asked.
"The way you and Father can? Hardly. It's different for me. Father has hi
s work, and you're gone all the day. I can't leave the house because of t
hose damned soldiers or the weather or some other thing comes up and prev
ents me from getting away from her. Even my room is no longer a sanctuary
—you know how she always pushes in without knocking. You'd think she was
trying to catch me out in some devilish crime when she does that. How dis
appointing it must be for her to find me reading, and when she does, she
then criticizes me for wasting my time! That's how the Fonteyn madness wi
ll come upon me, Jonathan, Mother will drive me to it."
She pounded a fist against the side of her chair several times, then boosted t
o her feet to pace up and down the library. She wore one of her prettiest dres
ses, a light blue silk with touches of dark blue in the pattern. The colors we
re very flattering to her, bringing out her eyes especially, but she might as
well have been in rags for all the effect it had on her spirits.
"Perhaps you could go stay with Miss Holland for a while," I suggested.
"I've been thinking of it. If no one else, Hester would welcome my company
."
"What do you mean? You've lots of friends who would be delighted for you t
o visit."
"I know, but the way that woman hammers at me day after day, how I look or
 walk or questioning the very expression on my face, it makes me feel like
 no one would want to be seen with me. I'm not like that and I know it!"
"As do I, as does anyone with sense, which utterly excludes Mother."
She paused by the library doors. They were closed that we might enjoy a priv
ate talk before the party began, though it was something of a risk with Moth
er's uncertain temper. She had still not rid herself of her dreadful delusio
n about her children, and there was always a chance she might burst in and w
ork herself into another fit if she found us alone together. Elizabeth was l
istening, perhaps, for her step.
"There's no one out there," I said.
"You're sure?"
"One of the maids went by a minute ago, that's all. Sheba, I think."
Her next look was brighter, more like herself. Interest in my improved senses
 never seemed to flag or lose its delight for her. "You can tell the differen
ce?"
"It's not difficult after a little practice."
The delight faltered as her problems returned once more. "What am I to do? Oh
, heavens, I know what to do, I just hate that / have to do it. She should be
 the one to leave, not I."
"You'll write Miss Holland, then?"
"After the tea party. I'd start now, but I don't want to risk spotting my fin
gers up with ink. She expects me to perform like some sort of trained monkey,
 and woe to me if I don't look just right for the show."
"Regardless of Mother's expectations of you, you do look perfect. Besides, t
he honor of serving the tea always goes to the daughter of the house."
"As I said, a trained monkey could—oh, never mind me, I'll get through it s
omehow. It's not as if I haven't had the practice." She swept up and down t
he room, her wide skirts threatening to overtopple a small table as she was
n't paying mind to where she was going.
"What's Cousin Anne like?" I asked, hoping to distract her.
"You can tell she's a Fonteyn with those blue eyes and black hair. She seems
 nice, but I've had no chance to talk with her or her companions. They've be
en resting from their journey most of the day."
"We'll get to know them better soon enough." Perhaps too well, I silently a
dded, having caught some of Elizabeth's pessimism. I was not looking forwar
d to meeting any more relatives from Mother's side of the family. Though Co
usin Oliver was a very decent fellow, his mother was a spiritual Gorgon. I
worried that Cousin Anne might also carry a similar cruel streak, hopefully
 not, since it looked like she'd be staying with us awhile.
Sheba presently came and announced that we were wanted in the parlor. Eliza
beth gave me a grim smile, set her chin high, and glided ahead like a ship
sailing into battle. I followed in her wake, smoothing my own features as I
 prepared to meet our newly acquired house guests.
Despite Elizabeth's misgivings, she appeared to find enjoyment in her duties
. It was a goodly sized party; several of our neighbors had turned up, and e
ven Lieutenant Nash had gotten an invitation. I suspected Father had extende
d it, hoping to improve his relations with the commissaries.
Having smoothly taken her place at the tea table, Elizabeth saw to the measu
ring of tea from its chest and made sure the right amount of hot water was p
oured into the pot. Soon everyone filed past her accepting the first of many
 cupfuls for the evening.
Myself included, for I wanted to at least seem to participate with the rest
. Father watched with amusement as I pretended to sip at my portion, knowin
g how difficult it was for me to even bring the cup to my lips. Once a favo
rite drink, it smelled awful to me now. As soon as he'd emptied his own cup
, he took pity and exchanged it for mine at the first opportunity. We'd don
e this a number of times at other events and had acquired all the practiced
 ease of stage performers. No one noticed. Into the slop bowl went the dreg
s from his cup, which I then turned upside down on its saucer, placing the
spoon across the bottom. Thus was I able to excuse myself from additional o
ffers without causing offense. As hostess, Elizabeth was bound by courtesy
to keep my cup filled, and with Mother watching, she did not dare to "overl
ook" me.
But tonight even Mother could not find fault with her, for most of her atte
ntion was upon her guests and Cousin Anne.
She was certainly worthy of notice.
She did indeed bear the striking Fonteyn features of blue eyes and black h
air—though I had to take Elizabeth's word that it was black. It was powder
ed now and swept up high from her milk-white forehead and elaborately curl
ed in the back. Her movements were polished and full of grace, no doubt pa
rt and parcel of the genteel manners practiced in Philadelphia. She wore a
 splendid dress of some striped stuff that rustled with her every movement
 and drew many enthusiastic compliments. She lapped them all up as readily
 as a cat takes to cream. Anne was young and beautiful and enjoyed being r
eminded of it.
"Yes, it was very fortunate that I was able to bring away most of my things
," she said to the crowd of people gathered around her. "There were many, m
any others who had naught but the clothes on their backs, but then they'd n
ot prepared
themselves for an exodus, you see."
"And you've been ready since early in the fall?" asked Father, who seemed t
o be as taken with her as the other gentlemen.
"Since the summer, Cousin Samuel. We had a horrid time of it for all our r
eadiness. Thank God you and Marie are here and so kind, or I should not ha
ve known what to do."
"You are very welcome in my house," said Mother, her face cracking a bit wit
h one of her tight smiles. It did not touch her eyes, but then, none of them
 ever reached that far. "So you did get my reply to your letter?"
"Indeed, I did not, but then everything is in such a confusion these days."
Mother gave Cousin Anne her wholehearted agreement on that point.
"But with or without an answer from you I had to leave or suffer with the re
st of the King's true subjects. I knew if I stayed I'd have no peace in that
 sad city, for the rebels are horrid in the extreme. Who knows what might ha
ve happened to me?"
"Well, you've arrived safely and can put all that behind you," said Mother.
"If I can. It was a horrid time. And so confusing."
Anne garnered much sympathy from her listeners, who begged her for more de
tails about her flight. It took her some while to cover them all, but she
eventually concluded that her whole experience was "horrid" and "confusing
."
"Had I been on my own, I don't know what I should have done," she went on. "
Cousin Roger thought that I should stay, but I just couldn't bear it anymore
. Besides," she dropped her eyes and raised her brows, "I'm not all that cer
tain of where he stands on ... certain things. Political things."
"You mean his sympathies may lie with the rebels?"
"That's it, I just don't know. He won't say one way or another. He's so confu
sing. Never gives a proper answer, always laughing it off or changing the sub
ject. It's horrid."
"Let's hope he makes up his mind before both sides take it into their heads
to hang him," said the tall man standing next to Anne.
His easy remark shocked Mother, but any reproof she might have had for h
im was left unspoken. The man was no less than Lord James Norwood, young
er brother of the Duke of
Norbury, and Mother would have sooner cut her tongue out than say a word ag
ainst such a jewel of the peerage. Instead, she joined with the others who
had found what he said to be amusing. She put some effort into it, and the
show looked to be quite convincing—at least to those unfamiliar with her tr
ue nature.
Norwood added to his comment, causing more merriment at Cousin Roger's exp
ense. Mother laughed with the rest while I fairly stared, then bent low to
 whisper into Elizabeth's ear.
"My God, can you believe it? Mother's toad-eating."
"What did you say?"
"Mother's playing toady to Lord James."
But Elizabeth was paying but scant mind to me and none at all to Mother. I m
ight have put it down to her occupation as busy hostess but for the fact tha
t no one was near us.
"Just look at her."
"Yes, I see." Her head was pointed in the right direction, but her eyes we
re not on Mother. They were locked, instead, upon Lord James Norwood.
Well-a-day, I thought, the dawn figuratively breaking for me. Knowing that
any further conversation would be futile, I backed away to watch my sister
watching him. If I read the symptoms right, she was well and truly smitten,
 and no brotherly intervention would be able to penetrate to her just yet.
Heavens, had I looked like that the first time I'd seen Nora? Probably, tho
ugh no doubt I'd possessed considerably less composure and utterly lacked E
lizabeth's innate winsomeness.
It struck me just then how vulnerable she had become, and so I also turne
d my concerned study upon Norwood.
He seemed a well-mannered, gracious sort, but I'd met many at Cambridge wh
o showed one face to the world and revealed quite another in private. I wo
rried that he might be of that number and vowed to get to know him better,
 although any shortcomings I might discover would make no difference with
Elizabeth. Once one is caught up in that peculiar emotional state, one is
deaf to all other things.
"Had Lord James and his dear sister not come to my aid when they did, I
don't know what might have happened to me," Anne was saying.
The crowd around her turned toward that gentleman, who bowed deeply. "It
was my pleasure, Miss Fonteyn, to be of service."
"You're the hero of the day, my lord," said Dr. Beldon, smiling broadly and
taking his own turn at toad-eating.
"So brave and kind of you, I'm sure," put in Mrs. Hardinbrook, also smiling.

As he modestly accepted the general praise of the company, I drifted over t
o Jericho, who was supervising the punch bowl.
"What does his valet have to say about him?" I asked.
"His lordship's valet, Mr. Harridge, does not permit himself to associate wit
h Negro servants," he said with icy dignity.
"Oh, really?"
"Mr. Harridge has informed the servants he does associate with that they ma
y address him as 'my lord' should they need to speak with him."
"He must be jesting."
"Regrettably, he is not."
"I've heard of this happening in England, but not over here."
"It may be described as an importation of questionable value."
"It seems not to sit well with you."
"Mr. Harridge is a great stupid ass, sir."
I had a very hard time of it keeping my face composed. When the threat of l
aughter had subsided to the point where I could speak again, I asked, "Why
should a man like Lord James keep such an insufferable fellow?" I knew Jeri
cho well enough to consider his assessment of Harridge to be highly accurat
e and was not about to pass it off as anything petty.
"Like often attracts like when it comes to servants and masters," he said.
"Norwood strikes me as being an easy sort of man."
"Agreed, sir, but you've only seen him under these limited circumstances."
"Agreed, though time will remedy that, what with Mother insisting he stay w
ith us."
"And his sister as well."
"I'd forgotten her. Where's she gotten to?"
"Lady Caroline is just over there by the hearth."
"Seems to be by herself, too. Think I'll play host for a bit, then."
Jericho filled a cup with punch and gave it to me. "For Lady Caroline," he e
xplained.
"But this drink's usually for the men." "A view not held in high esteem by
her ladyship. She has had some already and expressed a great liking for it.
" "All right. Let's hope she'll like a little more." Weaving through the gu
ests, I made my way toward Lady Caroline Norwood and put on my best smile w
hen she looked up at me. She'd taken a chair close to the fire and had turn
ed it so her back was to most of the room. It effectively cut her off from
any but the most determined approach. I was determined, for she was very pretty.
"Feeling the cold?" I asked. We'd been introduced earlier.
She nodded. "The roads were very rough and the carriage drafty. I don't thin
k I shall ever be warm again."
"Some punch?" I got a sweet thank-you from her as she accepted the cup and
 drank from it. "Even in good weather the road from Philadelphia is not an
 easy one. It must have been an especially difficult journey now."
"Indeed it was, Mr. Barrett. I often thought it would never end. Your mother i
s very kind to invite us to stay here."
"It's our good fortune, Lady Caroline, and our way of thanking you for seeing
 to the safe arrival of our cousin."
"Poor thing. She was at her wit's end trying to get out of the city."
"How did you meet her?"
Lady Caroline smiled in a most charming way. "At a tea party very similar to
 this one. Philadelphia may be overrun with seditionists, but the rest of th
e population tried to maintain civilized habits for as long as they were all
owed. Things were going from bad to worse, and several families resolved tha
t they had to leave or be arrested by the rebels."
"I've heard of such foolishness. They've no legal authority to do so."
"Yet arrests have been made. People have been beaten, officials tarred and fea
thered . . . that was no city of brotherly love that we escaped from, sir."
"Certainly not. What prompted you to travel north, though? Surely a south
ward road would have been more appealing."
"We had to go with the others—we were with the Allen family and Mr. Gal
loway—and they were all headed for New York to speak with Lord Howe. Th
ey want to persuade him to march to Philadelphia and secure it for the
Crown."
"That would be a fearful blow against the rebels."
"Mr. Galloway believes so. Nearly everyone in the city is yet a loyal subjec
t, but the rebels have made them too afraid to do anything."
It had become an old story by now: a small group of knaves holding decent peo
ple in thrall with their threats and the frequent fulfillment of those threat
s.
"I suspect that this wretched trouble has provided you with a poor opinion of
  our colonies."
"Not at all. I think it is very grand over here. This will die down soon enoug
h, I'm sure."
"How long have you and your brother been in America?" "At least a year and
a half now. James had some land holdings that were being adversely affected
  by the recent conflicts, and he had a mind to come over and sort things ou
t for himself. I had a mind to see what the colonies were like, so I came w
ith him." "That's very brave of you."
"So everyone tells me. I did not feel very brave at times, especially when
we got to New York. Such a sad place it has become."
"What's it like now?"
"It's terrible and, as I said, sad. There's wreckage everywhere, I don't see
  how they'll ever be able to clean it up. Wherever you turn are the ruins of
  buildings with their remains sticking up from the snow like charred bones.
So many people were burned out of their homes, and I don't know where or how
  they keep themselves in this bitter weather. I was very glad when we left."
The burning of New York had been a wonderment and a horror to us all, thoug
h for months before the British army arrived there'd been rumors that it wo
uld happen. The rebels had threatened to set fires to deny the army sanctua
ry, and they finally made good their threats one windy night last September
.
I'd been out then, testing myself against the strength of the sky. High over t
he tallest trees, I was doing my best to hover in one spot despite the gustine
ss of the weather. I chanced to spin toward the west, and it was then that I n
oticed a lurid glow in the distance so great that it pierced even my fog-cloud
ed sight.
At first I had no understanding of what I'd glimpsed, nor could I gain any be
tter view of it. Each time I grew solid
enough to see clearly, I dropped like a stone and had to vanish again lest I c
ome to a hard landing. The vanishing, in its turn, subjected me to the cruelti
es of the wind, and I had to fight to hold my place.
In spite of these frustrations I finally grasped that I was witnessing a fire
 of truly awful proportions and that it could only be the city of New York th
at was aflame. Like others afterward, when they learned the news, I was left
stunned, not only by the wanton destruction of such an act, but by the depth
of the evil that had inspired it. I was also afraid, for might not the rebels
, emboldened by this, do the same for other cities? Worried for the security
of my family, I rushed home as quickly as I could.
All was, of course, quiet, but I was so shaken that I had to see Father. I w
as reminded of those times as a child when I'd waken from a nightmare and ru
sh to his room for comfort. Child no more, but still in need of comfort, it
went right to my heart to see the shadow of anguish on his face when I told
him the vile news. This was one dark fear that would not go away at a soft w
ord from him.
"It's so much more peaceful here," said Lady Caroline. "Except for all the
soldiers, one would never know that anything was amiss."
"But things are amiss, more's the pity. In fact, coming here puts you in mor
e peril than if you'd remained in New York. We're not that far from Suffolk
County, which is crawling with rebels, and just across the Sound is Connecti
cut, another of their lairs."
"You're not trying to frighten me away, are you, Mr. Barrett?"
"Hardly, but I do want you to be aware that though we are reasonably well pr
otected, we are not entirely safe. No one is, these days."
"Now you are frightening me."
"I'm sorry, your ladyship. I mean only to instill caution. I hope that while
you stay here you will take care not to wander alone from the house?"
"But surely the soldiers have abrogated any danger from the rebels."
"They have for the most part, but on the other hand, though they serve our K
ing, they are yet men first and thus vulnerable to base temptations ... if y
ou take my meaning."
She did, and rather sensibly, though I was surprised at how coolly I'd been ab
le to raise the subject to a woman, and a virtual stranger at that. This wasn'
t the sort of conversation one expects to have during a tea party, but I was f
inding that I liked her a lot, and with that liking came the desire to protect
 her.
"Thank you for your warning, Mr. Barrett. I shall certainly be careful in m
y comings and goings."
"What warning is that?" Lieutenant Nash had come up in time to hear just th
at much of our talk. He bowed to us both. "If I may be so bold as to intrud
e upon you?"
"You are most welcome, Mr. Nash," said Lady Caroline, beaming at him like t
he sun. "Mr. Barrett was explaining to me that there are more perils here t
han from the rebels alone."
"Really? What perils might they be?"
She went on in a most easy manner and gave Nash the gist of what I'd said.
Nash offered her a glad smile full of confidence. "That danger may have trou
bled us once, but no more, your ladyship. I can guarantee your safety, indee
d, the safety of any woman on this part of the Island."
"That is very good news, then," I said. "Things are much improved, are they
 not?" There was enough of an edge to my voice to catch Nash's attention. T
hough he had no solid memory of our interview about the Bradford girl, he s
till possessed a lingering uneasiness toward me. Here in a comfortable, can
dle-filled room alive with many friendly faces, he'd forgotten that for the
 moment. My question served as an excellent reminder. His smile faltered.
"As improved as they can be, given the circumstances, sir. I do my best."
"That's only to be expected from an officer in the King's army," said Lady Ca
roline. If she noticed our byplay, she pretended not to.
Nash, his eyes tearing away from me and settling upon her, bowed again an
d thanked her. She gave him another bright smile, her face seeming much m
ore alive than before.
I suddenly felt and consequently knew that I had become superfluous. Excus
ing myself, I went back toward the tea table. Elizabeth, however, was spea
king with Norwood, and it would be as much as my life was worth if I impos
ed on that conversation.
"Never try to compete with a uniform or a title," Beldon advised me.
I gave a slight start at his sudden appearance at my side, and we shared a s
mall laugh. His accurate appraisal was not lost on me. "You've been watching
 things."
"Only a little. Miss Elizabeth seems quite taken with his lordship, and Mr.
Nash has apparently gained the favor of her ladyship."
"He hardly cuts a dashing figure," I said glumly, noting Nash's paunch and t
he overall stockiness of his body.
"Any man in a uniform is not only dashing but an instant hero in the eyes of
a woman. If it's a comfort to you, I doubt if anything serious will come of i
t. Lady Caroline will hardly squander herself on an aging, penniless lieutena
nt. She'll enjoy the moment for its own sake, but that's the most of it."
"You sound as though you know Lady Caroline very well. Have you met her
 before?"
"Sooner or later you'll meet everyone you know a dozen times over, if you l
ive long enough." "I don't understand."
"It means that most people are the same everywhere. Have you not met som
eone who instantly reminded you of someone else?" "Yes."
"And have you then noticed them behaving in a manner similar to that of an
other acquaintance?"
"I see where you are leading, Doctor. It is an interesting premise. So Lady
 Caroline reminds you of another lady you've met before?"
"She does. Untitled, but a very nice person, though feckless and fickle. I
 hope Mr. Nash will not be overly disappointed." "He may not get that chan
ce. I wonder what this means?" A Hessian had entered the room, looking qui
te devilish with his boot-blacked mustaches and face reddened from the col
d. He was familiar to me, having been one of the men who'd participated in
 Jericho's beating months back. I looked across to Jericho and saw that he
'd gone quite immobile and his jaw was set and hard. Though he'd recovered
 completely as Beldon had promised, his spiritual wounds were yet raw.
The Hessian still wore his cloak and hat and seemed in a hurry. Silence fell
 upon our gathering as everyone stared at
this intruder. He paid no heed to any of us, but strode right across to Lieute
nant Nash.
Nash scowled and, though he kept his voice low that others might not hear
, was obviously demanding an explanation from the man, who leaned close t
o provide it. Nash soon found his feet, his own expression grim. My fathe
r stepped toward him.
"What is amiss, Mr. Nash?"
"An unpleasant incident has occurred, sir, and I must go investigate."
"What sort of incident?" asked Norwood, having abandoned his conversation
 with Elizabeth.
Had anyone else made such an inquiry, Nash might have been able to ignore
him, but he was not without a touch of the toad-eater, himself. "It appear
s that some rebels have rowed across from Connecticut and made a raid on a
 house north of here. I must go and see what has happened."
Father went bone-white. "What house?" he asked, in a faint voice.
"The Montagu place."
I caught my breath, my belly dropping to my toes. Father must have been exp
eriencing a similar reaction, but was better at hiding it. Only Elizabeth,
Jericho, and I knew what effort he was putting forth to conceal his feeling
s. Our guests were also shocked by the news and murmured their dismay to on
e another, for Mrs. Montagu was well liked and respected by all. She had be
en invited to the tea party, but declined to attend on account of a cough t
hat had been plaguing her for the last week.
Norwood gave Nash a bland smile. "It sounds most interesting. I should w
ish very much to accompany you."
"This is army business, your lordship, and it could be dangerous."
"Sounds just the thing to do, then. I can't possibly miss this." Norwood did n
ot wait for Nash to offer further objections, but left, presumably to ready hi
mself for his outing.
"I shall come, too," put in Beldon. He'd an inkling about Father's relations
hip with Mrs. Montagu, but kept it to himself, for at heart he was a decent
fellow. "I just need a moment to get my medicines." He bolted out on Norwood
's heels.
"And I as well," added Father. "I want to know what's going on."
"As do I," I said, following him. I glanced back once. Nash's mouth was flap
ping but nothing intelligible spilled out, which was of considerable cost to
 his dignity. But the ordering of events had been deftly wrested from him, a
nd he had no choice but to accept the help of so many willing volunteers.
Though it took but a moment to arm ourselves—I took my sword cane—and thro
w on some protection against the winter night, it was somewhat longer befo
re our horses were saddled. The stable lads were by turns sleepy, alarmed,
 and excited at this excursion, and it took a sharp word from Father to pu
t their minds to their business. I saw to the saddling of Roily myself. He
 was restive for want of exercise, shaking his ears and dancing impatientl
y. I had no choice but to calm him in my special manner. The change from f
iery nerve to abrupt docility was noticeable, and Norwood was the one who
noticed.
"You've quite a way with horses," he remarked, quirking
an eyebrow.
I stroked Roily's nose and shrugged it off. Norwood continued to throw loo
ks my way as I worked, but was soon distracted by the readying of his own
mount.
Nash's man had not come alone; there were five others with him, all on foot.
 Father cursed under his breath.
"It's taking too long. I'm going ahead, laddie." His face was haggard with n
ew worry. He'd been able to conceal it up to now, but his concern for the we
ll-being of Mrs. Montagu had clawed its way past his self-control.
"Not alone, sir," I said, and we kicked our horses up at the same time.
Nash shouted as we dashed ahead, and the Hessians scattered before us. No
rwood called something, and I heard him and Beldon gradually catching us
up as we pounded down the lane to the main road.
"We can get there faster over the fields," I called to Father.
"Lead on, then!" He knew I'd be able to see clearly enough to do it.
I urged Roily onto the road for a time, then cut away to the north, finding
 a narrow path that marked the informal boundary between our estate and the
 Montagu property. Sometimes we were at full gallop, but more often than no
t were reduced to a canter or even a trot depending how bad the footing was
. Had I been alone, I might have left Roily's back and soared
ahead, for I could have covered the distance more swiftly, but with Beldon
and Norwood along I was forced to limit myself to something less precipitan
t.
We came in sight of the house soon enough, approaching it from the side. Th
ere were no lights showing, not a single sign or sound came to us. Father c
ursed again and again, fearing the worst. He started to press ahead, but I
pleaded with him to wait a moment more.
"Let me go in first and see what awaits. It'll be safer for all."
Torn between fear for Mrs. Montagu and the sense of ray request, he hesitat
ed in agony for a few seconds, then finally nodded. I slipped from Roily an
d gave Father the reins. "I'll be right back," I promised, hefting my sword
 cane. "Go with God, laddie," he choked out. "I'm coming, too," said Norwoo
d. Father told him to hold his place.
Norwood was insulted. "I beg your pardon, sir, but I only wish to help."
"You don't know the land, Lord James. My son does." This terse statement ca
used his lordship to subside for now, for Father had all but snarled it. Pe
rhaps it had gotten through to him that this was no adventurous lark, but s
omething far more serious. I had no inclination to waste more time, and wal
ked swiftly and softly over the snow toward the house.
Tracks were all over the yard, but some days had passed since the last fall,
 and the normal work of the household would account for them. Horses here, b
oot-shod feet there, I even picked up the faint trails left by small animals
, their shallow shadows pressed upon the patches of white. If any of the oth
er markings were caused by rebel raiders, I could not rightly tell. I would
find out soon enough.
Reaching the wall of the house, I held hard against it and eased one eye ar
ound the corner. The yard on that side was also empty of life, which I foun
d ominous. The icy air was still, nearly windless; the least sound would ha
ve carried to me—had there been anyone about to make it.
Another corner, and I saw the barn. Its doors were open. There was no sign
of movement within, which meant the horses were gone. I didn't know what to
 make of that. Moving closer, my eye fell upon a limp pile of brown feather
s lying just on the threshold. It was one of the many laying hens that nest
ed
in the barn. Some hand had twisted its neck, then cast it away. I quit the ba
rn and went straight to the house. The doors were wide open there as well. Up
 the steps, into the entry hall and stop . . . the house had suffered a cruel
 invasion. Furniture was overturned, ornaments broken, it was a wretched mess
. I called out, but received no answer. I listened to silence and felt chille
d right through.
Where were they? Mrs. Montagu had several house servants, a coachman, some
 field laborers; there was no sign of them, not even of the noisy lap dog
she doted on. I made my way toward the kitchen, hitting the catch on my ca
ne and drawing the blade free.
It was dim there, but sufficient light from outside seeped in for me to see w
ell enough. To anyone else, it would have been blacker than hell, and, indeed
, the mess I found might have been a part of that dread pit.
The fire there had been banked for the night, an indication that the house
 had been in order as usual before whatever had happened had happened. Ord
er was gone, now, for this place had also been thoroughly ransacked. The s
moked hams that should have been hanging from the rafters were gone. They'
d been cut down and taken away except for a very large one that might have
 been too heavy for the thief to carry. He'd dragged it a few feet, then a
bandoned it.
Other signs of looting presented themselves, but I let them pass, as they wer
e far less important to me than finding out the fate of Mrs. Montagu and her
household. A sound . . . very soft.
It was not repeated and I couldn't really identify it, but it might have come
from the cellar. With something like hope I strode toward the door and tried i
t.
Locked. Most promising. The lock on this side was broken, therefore someon
e must be on the other side. They'd probably taken shelter there when the
thieves had come and didn't know that it was safe to emerge.
I called Mrs. Montagu's name and knocked several times. No answer. Well, th
ey'd have to come out sometime. Perhaps they were too frightened to respond
. I banged my fist a few more times, then decided to try forcing the door.
Floating through it would have been less destructive, but much too difficul
t to explain. Besides, I was more than strong enough for the job.
Setting myself, I gripped the handle and slammed a shoulder against the door
. It gave a bit, opening a long crack along the point where I'd struck. I pu
t my mouth to it and called again and something staggeringly loud exploded r
ight in front of me. Thrown back with a shout of surprise, I crashed against
 a large table. My legs abruptly stopped working. The floor came up, faster
than lightning, striking hard all over when it hit me.
My ears rang from the blast, making me sick and dizzy; I could not hear a
nything subtle, but was aware of some sort of commotion going on nearby.
People were yelling in fear and alarm, and somewhere a candle wavered and
 made the shadows dance.
"Oh, my God, it's Jonathan!" someone wailed. The voice was yet muffled by
the ringing, but I thought it belonged to Mrs. Montagu.
"Shut yer mouth, ye damned Tory bitch!" a man ordered. The order was punc
tuated by something that sounded like a slap, and the woman cried out in
reaction.
Groaning, I tried to sit up, and that's when a truly terrible pain lanced th
rough my whole body. My groan turned into a gasp and I instantly gave up try
ing to move.
A large and unkempt man knelt over me. He had a smoking pistol in one hand
 and wore an expression in which fear and hatred had been fused into a sin
gle vile mask. I was already somewhat stunned from being shot; his face co
mpleted the work. All I could do was lie on the floor and gape as one of h
is rough hands probed my chest.
Behind him, Mrs. Montagu was staring at me, her usually pleasant features m
arred by a look of utter horror.
"This 'un's dead, Nat," said the man. "Or he's a-dyin'. Either way, 'e won't tr
ouble us."
"You sure?" asked Nat, sounding peevish.
The big man's hand was momentarily heavy on my chest. He was pushing against
 me to get to his feet. "'E's dead, I say. Let's git 'fore others follow 'im
."
"Too late. I see 'em comin'. They heard yer shot."
"I'll give 'em 'nother, then." He drew a second pistol from his belt.
"Right, soon as one's through the door, you take 'im an' I get the next."
"For God's sake, just leave us!" Mrs. Montagu pleaded. I could see her hud
dled off to one side. Except for a red patch where the bastard had struck
her, she seemed unharmed, though very frightened. Gathered around her were
 several of her servants; they also appeared to be well, but thoroughly co
wed by the thieves. None of them were armed.
"Shut yer mouth or I'll cut yer throat," said Nat casually. He had a knife in
one hand and a candle in the other. He blew the candle out and left it on the
table, then stood with his partner on one side of the door leading to the scul
lery. Father and the others would most likely use it, as that was the fastest
way into the kitchen. After hearing the shot, they'd not wait, but charge righ
t in, and Father would be the first.. .
The pain was still with me, but so was the overwhelming need to get up and
do something. Gritting my teeth seemed to help. I was very, very careful no
t to breathe in. With air in my
lungs I might involuntarily vocalize what I felt.
Then Mrs. Montagu gasped when I moved, startled that I could move. I was te
rrified she'd draw the attention of the villains toward me.
"Shut yer face," hissed Nat, and I wholeheartedly agreed with him. He did not
, fortunately, turn around, but continued to listen at the door.
Glaring at Mrs. Montagu, I raised one hand in a sharp gesture, hoping she w
ould correctly take it as a sign to be silent. It cost me, for any motion o
n my right side doubled my pain. I wasn't even sure she could see well enou
gh to know what I wanted until she bit her lips and nodded, her eyes wide a
nd supremely unhappy.
"They're comin'!" whispered the big one gleefully.
Nat slipped back a little so as to be out of the line of fire.
I was on my feet, ready to take them on ...
. . . weaponless.
The realization hammered home too late. I'd naught but my hands, not even
a club. My swordstick . . . God knows where that had dropped when I'd been
 shot.
Father was almost here; I recognized his step.
Hands. Both of them. Edge of the table.
Push.
It was a very heavy piece of oak, sturdy enough to stand up to decades of ab
use from various cooks over the years, but for me it might have been made fr
om paper, as it all but flew across the room. The far end struck the larger
of the two men in the back just below the waist with an ugly-sounding thud.
He may have made a noise himself, but it was lost in the general scrape, rat
tle, and bang of the table's swift passage.
His pistol went off toward the ceiling with a flash and a roar, and a cloud o
f smoke filled the air around him. I saw that much out of the corner of my ey
e as I lunged forward, reaching for Nat.
Surprised as he must have been, he was fast and whirled to meet me. He made
a quick stab at my left side, but I just managed to knock his arm away befor
e our collision. Balance lost, we crashed against a wall and fell. Kicking,
beating, biting, and finally flailing at me with his knife, he did me some d
amage as we rolled over the floor. My fingers found his neck in the confusio
n and froze around it. He thrashed and gurgled. I squeezed harder and harder
. His face went red, then
purple, with his tongue bulging out as I squeezed harder and harder and . . .
"Jonathan!" Father's voice. Shouting.
I could barely hear him. Didn't want to hear him. Wanted to finish my work.

"Let go of him, laddie!"
He'd never raised his voice to me like that before, not even when he was a
ngry. What was wrong? What had . .. ?
Hands on my arms. Pulling, tugging mine loose from their grip on Nat's thro
at.
What. . . ?
I let go, and they pulled me from him with a lurch. That's when my strength
left me. I went limp, shaken and shaking, and the pain of the shot hit me al
l over again afresh. There was blood. The smell of it filled the room, mixed
 with the gunpowder . . . and the scent of death. For one awful moment I see
med to be spinning back in time to that hot August day in the woods, right t
o the very instant when I'd... died.
'Wo!" I said, forcing myself to sit up. I yelped and clutched at my wound.
"Lie back, Jonathan," said Father, kneeling over me.
I tried to push him off. I could bear the pain far easier than the memory. The
re was no way I could possibly lie still and let death steal up and seize me a
s it had before.
"Steady, now, it's all right." He stroked my hair as he used to do when I was lit
tle. "It's all right."
That calmed me as nothing else would. The panic faded, and I came to see t
he kitchen was suddenly a crowded, noisy, normal place again; the faces an
d voices were familiar, reassuring.
Beldon appeared. He was pale, but in control, and issued a few quiet comma
nds. Someone lighted candles; another went to find brandy. Before I knew i
t the stuff had been poured into a cup and was being pressed to my lips. I
 sputtered and turned my head away.
"Don't force him, Doctor. Let him catch his breath," said Father. He turned
 to Mrs. Montagu. "Mattie? How is it with you?"
She grasped his extended hand, her eyes all but lost for the tears. "I'll be fi
ne, but for God's sake, see to Jonathan. The poor child was shot."
"Shot?" exclaimed Beldon, who was just starting a closer examination of
my wound. "Come, gentlemen, help me with him. Quickly, please."
"I'm fine," I whispered.
They paid me no mind. Beldon, Father, and Norwood all lifted me onto the t
able. Orders were given to fetch water and bandaging.
"No, wait! Father . . . I'm—"
"Be still, laddie."
"But I'm—"
He bent over me. "Hush, laddie, let Beldon have a look at you."
"Remember my armV
"What?"
Beldon pulled open my bloodied coat and unbuttoned an equally stained waist
coat. This hurt like hell, as it pulled at something that seemed to be atta
ched to my flesh. When I protested, he asked Norwood to hold my hands out o
f the way. He thoroughly ruined both waistcoat and shirt by cutting them to
 get to the source of all the bleeding.
"My arm!" I repeated, trying to fight off the well-intentioned Norwood.
Then Father remembered, but I could tell that he had no idea what to do next.
 To be fair, there wasn't much that he could do, but no matter; it was a reli
ef that he finally understood me.
"What do you want?"
That was when I realized I had no idea, either. In the meanwhile, Beldon w
ent on with his grim examination.
"That's odd," he said, sounding mightily puzzled.
Damnation. "Father? Get the others away, please?"
He instantly saw the wisdom in that and took steps to clear the kitchen. M
rs. Montagu was in a bad state, as might be expected of a woman whose home
  had been invaded and herself so ill-treated. Father took her hand and gui
ded her out, murmuring that everything was going to be all right. He herde
d the other servants before them, then called for Norwood.
"Directly, sir. I want to make sure these rebels are no more threat to us." H
e was by the scullery door, checking the fallen men. His inspection did not t
ake long, and he soon joined the others.
Distractions removed, I was better able to order my thoughts; however, I
   possessed far more questions than
I had ready answers. Foremost in my mind was why I had not vanished. The l
ast time I'd been shot, I had disappeared without any conscious effort, an
d upon my return had been fully healed of all wounds, old and new. What wa
s different about now? I squirmed to try to see what had happened.
"Be still, Mr. Barrett," Beldon cautioned.
"Then tell me what's wrong."
His eyes rolled over to meet mine, but I exercised no influence on him. His
puzzlement was firmly in place, and mixed with it was a touch of fear.
"Tell me!"
He jumped, for my voice was rapidly regaining its old strength. "You .. . there's
. . . that is . . ."
Impatient, I nudged things the tiniest bit. "Tell me, Doctor."
His eyes wavered, then steadied. "The ball seems to have passed right throug
h you, but the damage is ... not as I expected. Perhaps I am mistaken. The b
leeding makes it difficult to see very clearly."
I lay back and tried to vanish. No matter if Beldon saw, I'd deal with his mem
ory later. I tried . . . and failed. The pain flared and flashed along my side
.
"How bad?" I demanded through my teeth.
He was at a loss to answer. I pressed him again. More firmly. Face slack, h
e said, "There is no wound from the pistol ball. You've some wood splinters
  embedded in your flesh. They'll have to come out. That's where all the blo
od is coming from."
It occurred to me that I could ill afford to lose much of that precious substan
ce.
"Then see to your work, if you please," I said through my teeth.
"I'll need help."
"Get my father."
Dear God, but the next quarter-hour was the longest I'd ever endured. Father
was not an ideal doctor's assistant, either. He was more than willing to help
, but it was difficult for him as a parent to bear the sight of his child's d
iscomfort. Too late I thought of this as I watched him go from white to pale
green as Beldon got on with the wretched business of drawing out the splinter
s.
"I'll be fine, sir," I promised him, then immediately followed this with a s
harp grunt that could not have inspired him with any sort of confidence in m
y promise.
Beldon discarded a nasty-looking shard of wood and asked for Father to hol
d the candle closer and with more steadiness. He brought it close, but was
 unable to completely keep from trembling. As the splinters came out, thou
gh, my pain lessened, and with it, much of Father's anxiety melted away.
"The bleeding's stopped," Beldon announced, amazed.
"That's good, isn't it?" asked Father, though he was looking at me for an an
swer. For the moment, I was just too weary to provide one, not that I had an
y.
"But don't you see? The punctures have closed right up!"
Father could not help but share in his amazement, but he was more restrained
 in his reaction.
"It's unnatural, sir," Beldon went on, with emphasis. His voice rose a little.
Damnation. Tired as I was, something would have to be done. I glanced at F
ather, questioning. He frowned slightly, but nodded.
"Doctor..." I touched Beldon's hand and got his attention.
A few minutes later Beldon had finished winding a bandage around my middle.
 It was for show only, for with the splinters gone, my skin had knitted its
elf up again, leaving behind some red scars that were rapidly fading. Of th
e stabbings from Nat's knife, there were no signs, though there were plenty
 of holes in my clothes to mark where the blade had gone in. I dimly recall
ed those cuts, but had been too immersed in the madness of the fight to not
ice them at the time.
Finished, Beldon went out with Father to tell the others that I was not serious
ly hurt at all and that a full recovery was inevitable.
From the kitchen I heard Mrs. Montagu release a sob of relief and Father tel
ling her to be of good cheer.
"Samuel, I am so sorry," she was saying.
"There's no need."
"But he might have been killed. I can hardly believe his escape even now."
"Tell us what happened, madam," suggested Norwood.
Manners and social customs will out under the most extraordinary circumst
ances. Father introduced Lord James
Norwood to her, touching off a considerable reaction and flurry.
As they talked, their voices faded briefly for me. I found I could vanish aga
in, for which I felt an absurd relief. Gone for a moment and then back, the l
ingering fire in my side completely abated. I offered heartfelt thanks to my
Maker and decided that a little more rest would not be amiss.
Mrs. Montagu had some idea that she should play the hostess for Norwood, b
ut he managed to steer her away from that and repeated his question.
The story gradually came out. One of the stablemen had been the first to giv
e the alarm. He'd shouted a warning to the house and, after narrowly eluding
 capture, had run off in the direction of the old barn on our property where
 the Hessians were quartered.
"It's not far from here," she explained. "I'd told all the servants that if there
 was any trouble to either go there or to Mr. Barrett's house for help."
The rebels had not known about the closeness of the troops. They became so e
ngrossed in their thievery that no one noticed the new arrivals until it was
 nearly too late. All but two fled, carrying what they could.
"We were hiding in the cellar and heard the row, and then it became quiet.
I thought they were gone, but when I opened the door, those awful men pushe
d their way in. They were going to wait, thinking to let the soldiers get w
ell ahead before making their own escape. They thought they could find help
 by going to Suffolk County."
"The only place they'll be going is a burying ground," said Norwood.
"What?"
Beldon murmured agreement. "Yes. One of them has a broken back and the o
ther a broken neck. Young Mr. Barrett seems to have defended himself rat
her ably."
Young Mr. Barrett sat up on the table, all thoughts of rest vanquished. My m
outh was like dust. Death. I had smelled death in this room.
Could still smell it. Could see it now.
The big fellow, the one I'd rammed with the table, was on his side, bent ba
ckward at the hips. Bent very sharply. Nat lay nearby, his head twisted ove
r farther than what might have been considered comfortable to a living man.
 His face
was suffused with blood; his black tongue thrust past his lips. The marks of
my fingers were clear on his throat.
I stared at them and felt sick.
Beldon returned. "Mr. Barrett?" He saw the look on my face and came over,
 standing between me and the bodies.
"I killed them," I said. I'd lost much of my breath and not replaced it, so wh
at came out was barely a sound at all.
He pursed his lips. "Yes."
"Oh, God."
"As a soldier in battle must kill," he added. "Think of it that way, and it may
 be easier to bear."
I swallowed with difficulty. Though there was nothing like food in my belly, i
t still wanted to turn itself inside out. "Was . . . was Father the first thro
ugh the door?"
"Yes, and I was just behind him. Why?"
I motioned for him to stand away. Reluctantly, he did so. I looked at the dea
d men in their final, undignified poses; looked until the sickness in me pass
ed.
"And you're both all right?" I asked.
"Perfectly."
Nodding, I managed a smile, though it must have been a ghastly one. "That m
akes it easier to bear, Doctor," I told him, as though it were a profound c
onfidence.
He did not ask for any explanation.
Beldon decided that my removal from the kitchen would be of more benefit t
han risk to my health and helped guide my steps into the next room. I was
well able to walk, but saw the need to maintain the pretense of still bein
g hurt. Too quick a recovery would invite comment. Norwood found a chair a
nd dragged it over, and Beldon made me sit.
"You're staying the night, Jonathan," said Mrs. Montagu. "You're dreadfully
 pale."
"It's but a scratch or two, madam, I've had worse falling from my horse," I res
ponded in a stout tone. As for my lack of color. . . well, I had an easy enough
 remedy for that. "A little rest and I'll be able to travel, but I think that y
ou should not be left alone here."
"Certainly not," said Father, smoothly stepping into the opening I'd given
 him. "I'd be honored to remain and make sure of your security, madam." He
'd assumed a more formal
manner of address to her, and she echoed it.
"If it would not be too much trouble, Mr. Barrett."
"None at all."
Such was the resumption of their gentle pretense that they were no more tha
n good neighbors to one another, not mistress and lover. Only their eyes be
trayed the real feelings beneath the innocent words, and for the thousandth
 time I regretted the circumstances that prevented them from freely uniting
 as man and wife.
While the servants tried to wrest some order from the wreckage, Lieutenant N
ash and his troop of Hessians finally arrived. They charged into the house a
s though it were a battleground and halted, disappointed, perhaps, that ther
e were no rebels to attack.
Nash stared at the lot of us in wonder, then his eye finally fell hard upon m
e. "What the devil's going on here?"
His greeting pushed home the fact that I was quite the terrifying spectacl
e with my bandaging and my torn and bloody shirt hanging from my shoulders
.
"Things got a bit warm here, Lieutenant," said Norwood. "Some of your lads m
issed a couple of the rebels and it was left to Mr. Barrett to deal with 'em
."
He'd said just the right thing at the right time, sparing us from any bully
ing Nash might have been prepared to deliver to us presumptuous civilians.
The lieutenant was only too happy to listen to his lordship, and after insp
ecting the corpses commended me for my bravery and quick thinking.
"Thank you, sir, but had I been thinking quickly from the start I might ha
ve avoided this and somehow spared those men."
"They'd have hanged anyway, Mr. Barrett. I found no papers on them, which
  means they were mere looters, and part of no man's army. We've dropped m
ore than a few from the gibbet over the months, and if this continues, we
'll have others joining them, you mark me."
Cold comfort, I thought, but better than none at all.
Nash was of a mind to go track down the troops who had given chase to the
other thieves. When Mrs. Montagu expressed concern for the servant who had
  run for help, he opined that the fellow was likely to be found with them.
  "Once a man gets the blood up for a hunt, there's no stopping him." He gr
imaced at Father, Beldon, Norwood, and finally at me. "If
he's still in one piece, I'll see that he's escorted home again, madam."
With this reassurance, he left behind one of his clerks—an Englishman atta
ched to the commissary office—to get a more detailed account of the raid a
nd left with the rest. Norwood watched them go, unable to refrain from sho
wing a resigned wistfulness. He turned away and looked at me and assumed a
  more neutral expression. It came to me that from his point of view I'd ha
d all the "adventure" that evening. I looked him over anew and tried to un
derstand why I'd come to that conclusion.
He was a solid, muscular man with a back like a ramrod, yet exuded a kind of
  restless energy. He had quick dark eyes and I hadn't noticed much expressio
n in them, but put that down to the class he'd been born into. Such constant
  self-restraint must have been instilled into him from the cradle, if his ra
ising proved to be similar to that of other duke's sons I'd met at Cambridge
. His interest in the doings of Nash's men touched me, though, for his chanc
es of participation in something more interesting than a tea party must have
  been rare to nonexistent for him.
"Why don't you go along?" I asked.
My question did not seem to startle him; he smoothly supplied the excuse I
expected. "My duty lies here, Mr. Barrett, to lend what aid I may to the wo
unded son of my host."
"Not at all, Lord James," I said. "I am quite able to manage, and Dr. Beldon
is here, after all. Go along with them, if you can talk Nash into it, then co
me back to the house and tell us all that happened."
His face lighted up, but he wavered, compelling me to urge him a bit more un
til he finally accepted the idea. He promised to provide a full account upon
 his return. So saying, he left, apparently seeing any objections Nash might
 have as being entirely surmountable.
"He maneuvered you into that, laddie," Father observed, speaking to me quie
tly from one side of his mouth.
"I know, sir. It doesn't matter."
"Doesn't it?"
"Not this time, anyway. Besides, I'm curious to know what's going on as wel
l. Nash might be able to prevent you or Beldon from tagging along to see th
ings, but he shan't turn down his lordship."
"By God, I wonder who's doing the maneuvering here?"
"I'm just taking advantage of what's been offered," I said modestly.
He smiled, a small one, with his lips tight together, and looked me over na
rrowly. "How are you?"
He was not asking after my wounds. "I don't know yet. I feel numb."
"When the numbness wears off, you come talk to me, y'hear?"
"Yes, sir."
Then he enfolded me in a brief, hard embrace.
Beldon and I got back well after midnight, but found the house still awake a
nd ourselves the objects of excess worry. I kept my cloak tight about me at
first, so as not to frighten Elizabeth, and told her and all the others that
 Father and Norwood were unharmed.
"And Mrs. Montagu?" my sister anxiously demanded, for like me, she also h
ad a deep affection for the woman.
"Frightened and dismayed, but unhurt. Father and Lord James are staying the
re to reassure her and help better secure her home."
Without difficulty, Elizabeth took my real meaning.
"How is it with my brother?" asked Lady Caroline, also anxious. She was pal
e, except for two spots of color high on her cheeks, and I thought she look
ed very pretty, indeed.
Prompted by that and further questions, I shared all that I knew with them,
with some exceptions. On the ride home I'd asked Beldon to say nothing of th
e men I'd killed, and so he'd remained silent as I skipped over the unpleasa
ntness; with that omission, I was also able to leave out the business of my
wounding. Beldon had taken my insistence on that point to be a combination o
f wanting to avoid excessive fuss and a desire to spare the ladies further w
orry, for which he was entirely correct. Later, I would tell Elizabeth the w
hole story, but I was exhausted now. It could wait until tomorrow.
Surrounded as I was by Elizabeth, Lady Caroline, Cousin Anne, Mrs. Hardin
brook, and—unfortunately—Mother, not to mention a dozen servants watching
 close by, I suddenly became aware of a desire to be alone that was as gr
eat as my weariness. I wanted time to myself, to touch and find assurance
 amongst the familiar treasures of my own room ... to change
from my wretchedly used clothes. With a deep bow, I begged leave to be exc
used and was able to escape for the most part. Elizabeth and Jericho went
ahead of me, Jericho to prepare my room and Elizabeth because she saw ther
e was more to things than had been said. Well, I wouldn't mind talking to
them, but Mother. . .
"You could have been killed, Jonathan Fonteyn," she said, as we all took th
e stairs. She was just behind me; Beldon, box of medicines in one hand, hat
 in the other, came last. I glanced back at her, surprised by this show of
concern, but came to a disheartening conclusion: Mother's words might have
the show of worry, but their substance indicated that her worry was for her
self. Had I been killed, how might she, herself, be inconvenienced? As that
 question had already been answered for me last August, I should not have f
elt such bitter disappointment now, but did, anyway.
Once at my room, Beldon invoked his authority as a doctor and requested eve
ryone to leave, saying that I was in need of rest. For various reasons, no
one was inclined to listen to him. Jericho busied himself pulling out my ni
ghtclothes, and Mother and Elizabeth stood just inside the doorway.
"There will be no more of this foolish running off with soldiers, Jonathan F
onteyn," Mother stated, arms crossed and head high. She didn't seem to be lo
oking at me so much as at something just over my left shoulder. I knew nothi
ng was there, it was just her way. It suited me, as I had little stomach for
 looking at her, either. "You're a gentleman, not some kind of idiotic camp
hanger-on for those soldiers. They don't need your help to do their duty."
"No, Mother," I said meekly, hoping she'd finish soon and get out.
"And don't use that long-suffering tone with me, young man. You're far too
impertinent."
"Forgive me, Mother. My fatigue troubles me and makes me short."
"Fatigue," she spat. "I wonder how long it will take you to recover from this
? You tell me that. You're far too lazy as it is, sleeping all day and not li
fting a finger to help your father even when you do manage to dislodge yourse
lf from bed."
Each of her words beat against my head like some awful hammer. Bang, bang,
 bang. I'd been through enough disruption for one evening, but it appeared
 that more was waiting in store.
When Mother paused for breath to continue her tirade, Elizabeth stepped forw
ard. "He's very tired, Mother, can you not see that? Please let him rest."
Mother, her mouth slightly open as she started to speak, stopped. She was st
ill looking past me, but now seemed to see nothing. Her eyes . . . there was
 something dreadfully wrong there.
And without word, without warning, Mother raised her hand and swung her who
le body around. Her palm struck Elizabeth's face with a resounding crack an
d my poor sister was knocked right off her feet. It was so swift that I was
 unable to take it in for the first few seconds, not until I heard Elizabet
h's sobbing gasp of pain, and then I was moving toward her, arms out to help.
"I didn't send you to Cambridge for you to sleep your life away—" Mother
continued, as though nothing had happened.
"Mrs. Barrett!" cried Beldon from where he stood flatfooted in a corner, utt
erly shocked.
But before I could get to Elizabeth, she'd surged right back up again, swif
t as thought. She had the beginnings of a red mark on her face oddly simila
r to the one Mrs. Montagu had received; beyond that the resemblance ceased.
 Elizabeth's expression, indeed, her whole body, was suffused with it: blin
d fury. While Mother still babbled on, heaping more reproach upon me, Eliza
beth launched herself at her.
Mother's speech abruptly stopped, replaced by a snarl of surprise and followe
d by thumps, howls, and thuds. They were on the floor, skirts flying and fabr
ic ripping as they rolled on the floor and tore at each other like cats.
"You bitch!" bellowed my sister, landing one solid blow after another. "Bitc
h, bitch, bitchV
Beldon joined me quickly enough, but it was hard going to find an opening.
He and I finaJly managed to make a lucky grab each and pulled them apart. I
 had Mother, and he got Elizabeth out into the hall, perhaps with the idea
of taking her to her room. He'd need help there, for Elizabeth was still cu
rsing and crying and fighting him, her face contorted and looking uncomfort
ably like Mother's.
That lady was moaning in my arms, groggy, for she'd received the worst of it i
n the brief fight. Elizabeth had put all her rage-driven strength into it. Mot
her's face was bloodied, her hair all in disarray, and her gown in tatters. An
y stranger
seeing her in such a plight might have been moved to instant pity and an off
er of immediate succor. But I was no stranger. I was her much disliked, if n
ot despised, son, and hadn't the vaguest notion of what to do with her.
Jericho had frozen in place during all this and now looked torn between goi
ng after Elizabeth and remaining with me. He'd also noticed something.
"Mr. Jonathan . . . your clothes . . ."
My cloak had fallen open, revealing the—literally—bloody mess it had so han
dily concealed. "Oh, God." I pulled the edges together to cover it all agai
n.
"But, sir—?"
"Jericho, I promise you that I am unhurt, but please, don't ask about it just
 now. Beldon can tell you—"
Beldon returned before I could further confuse things. With him came our gu
ests and servants, drawn by the commotion. My room and the hall grew noisy
with all the questions, all called at the same time, making it impossible f
or them to hear any answers, had we been of a mind to give any. Then Beldon
 shouted for silence, shoved back those nearest, and slammed my door in the
ir faces. It was the only impolite action I'd ever seen him take.
"Up there," he said briskly, returning to his patient and kneeling.
We lifted Mother to my bed. Beldon had his box of medicines open and was
reaching for the laudanum bottle. He measured out and prepared a dose—qui
ckly, as he'd had much practice—and got Mother to drink it. He then check
ed over her other injuries.
"She'll be all right," he stated hollowly.
I accepted the news without a single flicker of emotion. I was dead inside. S
he was nothing to me. An irritant at the most, like a speck of dust in the ey
e that's washed away by a few tears and then forgotten. Except that I had no
tears in me. Not for her, at least.
"I'm very sorry, Mr. Barrett," he murmured.
"Thank you." Other replies had come to me, but I'd ultimately settled upon t
he simplest as being the best.
"Do you wish your father to know what's happened?"
That one required thought. On one hand, Father would want to know; on the
other, he had enough worries for the moment. "Yes . . . but there's no hur
ry. You can send a messenger to the
Montagu house at first light tomorrow. Despite the presence of Mr. Nash's me
n, I don't think it wise for anyone to be traveling alone tonight."
"I agree. I shall see to your mother's needs, then write him a note. What ab
out Miss Barrett? She was very shaken, if you want my help . . ."
"Thank you, but I'll talk to her myself."
I backed away, found the door, and let myself out. The people waiting there
with their questions drew back from me and went silent, then obligingly part
ed as I stalked down the hall to see Elizabeth.
She was lying on her bed, turned away, hunched around a pillow, and sobbing
 into it. She hated to cry.
Young Sheba was with her, but the situation was beyond her ability. I wasn'
t so sure of myself, either, when I dismissed her to fetch hot tea and some
 brandy from downstairs.
I sat on the bed and put my arm around Elizabeth and told her it was over an
d that things were going to be all right. It was nonsense, but the object wa
s to let her know she wasn't alone. By the time Sheba returned with her tray
, the worst of the storm, I hoped, had passed, and Elizabeth was sitting up
and making thorough use of a handkerchief.
Pouring the brandy myself, I signed to Sheba to close the door. Both Anne a
nd Lady Caroline had hesitantly come forward to offer assistance, and I'd t
hought it best to politely refuse. They knew nothing of the situation; Eliz
abeth and I knew it all too well. The door bumped shut, affording us some m
uch needed privacy.
1 felt cold. And distant. From myself, strangely, but not from Elizabeth. A
nd my feeling for her was sorrow that she was having to experience such pai
n in both body and soul. On her cheek was the red mark of Mother's hand; it
 would turn into a nasty bruise soon enough. I urged her to take some brand
y. She offered no argument against it.
"Oh, Jonathan, how could I have done such a thing?"
I had no real answer for her. "You should ask yourself how could she have d
one such a thing."
But she wasn't listening. "Was it the Fonteyn blood showing through at last?
Is that it?"
"It was you, not your blood. You, Elizabeth, who had been sorely provoked
beyond all patience."
"Provoked or not, I shouldn't have done it. Something just came over me. It
's as though I suddenly don't know myself."
"Oh, yes, you do. We all lose control now and then." My voice caught as I th
ought of Nat and his big companion. But a few hours earlier, these same hand
s holding Elizabeth's had squeezed and snapped the life from two of God's cr
eatures. "It's not always good . . . b-but it is understandable. You've noth
ing to reproach yourself for."
"But I do. To have done such a thing . . ."
"Is understandable," I emphasized. "Even if you don't understand it, others w
ill."
"I don't want others to know about this."
"Very well." It seemed pointless to mention that others did, already. Cousi
n Anne had been flighty and mystified in the glimpse I'd had of her, but La
dy Caroline looked to have drawn some perceptive conclusions. It wouldn't t
ake much for her to decide Mrs. Hardinbrook would be her best source of inf
ormation on what was going on in this house. And that gossipy lady would ce
rtainly be more than happy to supply a few dramatic details to the sister o
f a duke. Not that any of it mattered.
"I feel awful," Elizabeth muttered.
"Sleep will cure that."
"And what about her!"
Mother. "Beldon's with her. I expect she'll recover. If it's like the other tim
es, she won't remember a thing."
"How nice for her."
"I think it's a pity."
She sat up to stare. "What?"
"For her to not remember is a great pity."
"Why is that?"
"Because if she did, then she might think twice before losing control herself
 again. The sad part is, she probably won't, therefore you need to be careful
 around her. We all do."
"It's not fair."
"No."
Another idea sprang into her mind. "What about Father? Oh, God, what shall
 I tell him?"
"The truth, as always."
"How can I face him?"
"I think he will have the same concern for you as I do now. You needn't wo
rry. Just remember how dearly he loves you.
Nothing you've done will ever endanger that."
More protests, more assurances from me. In the end, though, she settled down
, and I called Sheba in to help her get ready for bed. I left quietly and wa
s surprised to find the hall clear. Beldon must have taken charge and sorted
 things out, God bless him.
Order had been restored to my room: Mother was gone, the bed's coverlet sm
oothed again and turned down that I might occupy it, which was all sham. A
s ever, I would sleep in the cellar.
I stripped out of my clothes. Perhaps Jericho could find someone in the ser
vant's hall able to repair the cuts and tears, though I could take it all t
o Molly Audy some night. The thought of her warmed me up enough to draw out
 a faint smile. She and I had become very good friends over the last few mo
nths.
But the smile faded as other thoughts crowded Molly's pleasant company fr
om my mind. Poor Elizabeth. Poor me. Poor Barrett family.
I washed my face and hands. Several times. What I really wanted was a scaldi
ng hot bath, but that was impractical at such a late hour. Pity.
It was all so absurd. There I'd been, trying to comfort her for having lost co
ntrol when I was far more seriously guilty of it myself. Absurd.
And hypocritical, at least where my sister was concerned.
For in my heart of hearts, I was glad that Elizabeth had done it.
January 1777
"A letter for you, Jonathan... I think it's from Cousin Oliver!"
I'd barely emerged from my cellar sanctuary when Elizabeth all but pounced
on me, waving her packet. She usually reserved her greeting for later, afte
r I'd had a chance to change clothes for the evening. Then we would sit in
the library and she'd catch me up on the day's events. I was startled by th
is abrupt assault of news, but instantly recovered and eagerly accepted whe
n she shoved it into my hands. The address was written in Oliver's sprawlin
g scrawl and I wasted no more time before tearing it open.
"What does he say?"
I plowed through the first few lines. "All is well with him."
"What about Nora?"
"No mention of her yet. God, what writing the man has! I can barely make out.
 . . there's her name, let me see ..."
I read on and my heart fell right into my shoes. It was readily apparent to E
lizabeth, who insisted that I share my knowledge.
"Nora's no longer in England," I announced mournfully. "She's gone away a
nd Oliver doesn't know exactly where."
"Gone? What's happened?"
I read a little more and shook my head. "Oliver thinks she may have follow
ed the Warburton family to Italy sometime last
November. He knows where they are staying, so he's written to them asking i
f they can find Nora for him. She was a regular visitor to Tony Warburton,
y'know. Oliver thinks they might be able to get my letter to her."
"That's something, at least."
"Yes. More waiting for me. Probably months more."
"I'm sorry."
I shrugged. "It hardly matters now. Most of the questions I'd asked Nora hav
e found their own answers after all this time."
"But some have not."
"True, but there's nothing I can really do about that. Thank you for bringing
 me this, though. What other news is there tonight?"
"Not much. It's just been one more dreary winter day."
"Did Lord James go with Father to Hempstead?" Last night he'd expressed a
keen curiosity about Father's work and gotten an invitation to come and ob
serve legal procedures.
"Just after breakfast."
"Lucky man." I should have been the one to go with Father, as I'd studied har
d for just that purpose, but my condition utterly precluded it. Travel was no
 problem, so long as it was at night, but I'd never see the inside of a court
room again, nor ever have the chance to practice law.
Elizabeth knew what I was thinking, for I'd made enough complaint about it o
ver the months. "Father's left a huge stack of papers for you in the library
."
More copy work, I thought. "Clerking, not real law. I'm like an artist who's
forbidden to paint. The desire and talent are there, but the execution ..." I
 flapped my hand in a throwing-away gesture.
"We're in like situations, so I understand what you mean."
"In what way are they like? You're able to stay awake while the sun's up."
"And do what? Housewifery? Needlework? Gossip?"
"Missing him, aren't you?" I asked, with sudden inspiration coupled to a desi
re to change the subject.
That delayed further speech from her as we left the kitchen and climbed the
 stairs. She made no inquiry about whom I was referring to, there being no
need. Elizabeth blushed for a portion of the trip and opened her mouth seve
ral times to reply, then snapped it shut again every time she caught my gri
n. The topic of Lord James Norwood was a tender one with her.
"And he's been gone only a day?" I added.
She looked ready to explode for a moment, then abruptly gave it up. "Yes,"
 came her rueful admission. "All bloody day and probably tomorrow as well.
"
"It will pass soon enough."
"It's forever," she grumbled.
"Does he know how you feel?" I paused at the door to my room.
"Sometimes I think he does. I wish I knew how he felt about me."
"You can't tell?"
She looked entirely helpless. "No."
"I could talk to him . . ."
'Wo.' Don't you dare!"
"But if it will end your uncertainty—"
"No! I absolutely forbid it, Jonathan! Don't! Please promise me you won't!"
"All right, all right. I just wanted to help."
"I'll do my own helping, thank you very much. You promise not to say anyt
hing to him?"
"I promise, though if you should change your mind . .. ?"
Brows high, eyes wide, and teeth bared, she shook her fists at me in mock r
age. I pretended to cower away from her and, laughing, took shelter in my r
oom.
Things had been easier in the house in the last few weeks as evidenced by ou
r play and the shared laughter. Against all my expectations, it appeared tha
t Mother had not conveniently "forgotten" the fight that had taken place bet
ween her and Elizabeth, after all. She never spoke of it, but since that tim
e there was a marked change in her behavior toward us, particularly toward E
lizabeth. So far there had been no more reproaches, no scoldings, no adverse
 attention or pointing out of our shortcomings. Instead, she utterly ignored
 us.
The first day or so of this was puzzling, as we anticipated her to return to
 her old pattern of behavior once she had recovered from her bruises. But as
 the days (or for me, the nights) followed one another we saw that she was e
ither purposely or accidentally overlooking us in all things. She never addr
essed us directly and should we be in a room with her, her eyes simply skipp
ed over us as though we were invisible.
The puzzlement was soon replaced by a grateful relief as we saw how things
stood. We found it infinitely preferable
to be ignored by her than to be subjected to her constant abuse. Even Fath
er was benefiting from it as some of her more acidic commentary concerning
 him dropped off. She had become polite without the usual underlying tone
of sarcasm.
Of course, he had not been pleased about what had happened, but his intervie
w with Elizabeth on the incident had been a gentle one. He advised her to ex
ercise more self-control, but so far she had been spared from testing hersel
f further.
Another expectation of mine that had gone unfulfilled was the speedy exit
of our guests. It had been a highly embarrassing episode and I'd thought t
hat the Norwoods would soon invent an excuse and leave, but they stayed on
. Lady Caroline was most gracious about the business and chose to regard M
other in the same way as Father did: that the woman suffered from bouts of
 illness over which she had no control. Norwood had missed it all, so any
impression it might have made on him when he heard of it from others was n
egligible.
Cousin Anne was a bit less charitable, deciding that it was all "horrid" and
"confusing," but she, too, stayed on, for she had nowhere else to go. As for
Mrs. Hardinbrook, it was just another in a long series of unpleasantries that
 she found easy to dismiss after so much skillful practice.
I'd asked Dr. Beldon for his opinion about the change in Mother, but he was
not as candid as he might have been. "It seems to be for the good," he said,
 "but I won't hazard to say how long it might go on. Mrs. Barrett's conditio
n has ever been an erratic one in the past."
"But she's always been consistent in her poor behavior," I pointed out.
"Ah, yes. One could say that. She has displayed a certain nervousness in her
 temperament." He was trying so hard to be tactful.
"Let's be honest, Doctor, her temper has been consistently bad, especiall
y toward her family. Now she's become almost congenial. Without making co
mment on how it was brought about, I'd just like to know how it may be co
ntinued."
Beldon, so used to social pretense, floundered on that one. "I have no answ
er for you, Mr. Barrett. And as a physician I can hardly prescribe a reenac
tment of what happened between your mother and Miss Barrett as a course to
take should the. .. nervousness return."
I winked at him. "Still, it's something to think about, isn't it?"
He covered his mouth with his fist and coughed trying to hide the smile the
re, but I'd seen it and thus did he confirm what Elizabeth and I had earlie
r determined: that a firm hand was needed with Mother. In other words, thos
e few seconds of knocking about had done her (and the rest of us) more good
 than three years of constant placation and submission. Not that either of
us planned to repeat the violence, but because of its occurrence it may hav
e gotten through to Mother that she was immune to the consequences of her a
ctions no longer.
I had come to like the winter, even as the worst of it settled upon us like
 a vast white bird with icy wings. With the nights so closely following the
 short days, my time and enjoyment of the society of our guests was happily
 increased. With Father's permission, I'd worked my influence upon them, en
suring that they found nothing unusual in my daytime sleep in the cellar or
 avoidance of the supper table. And so when I came down after changing into
 more suitable clothes for the evening, no one remarked upon it, or even th
ought to try.
I went straight to the library, planning to answer Oliver's letter right away
and then get started on the work Father had left for me. However dull it might
 prove to be, I would do ray best to help him in all things.
"Hallo, Cousin," said Anne, who was standing by the bookcase when I came
in.
"Hallo," I returned. "Finished with my Gibbon already?"
"Hardly. He's very interesting, but I wanted something different tonight. Som
ething a bit lighter than history."
"Hmm. Let's see, what about this one?" I plucked down a volume of Shakes
peare.
"A play?"
"A comedy. It's about twins, a boy and a girl who are separated by misadvent
ure, so to make her way in the world the girl disguises herself as a boy."
"You're jesting!" Anne found the idea to be a bit of a shock.
"Then she falls in love with a nobleman, but can't reveal it to him, and then
 a lady, also fooled into thinking she's a young man, falls in love with her
and so on. Elizabeth found it all very amusing and so might you."
"But a girl dressing as a boy? It's so immodest!"
I shrugged. "There are even a couple engravings in there showing it."
Her jaw dropped, but curiosity won out over her objections. She seized the bo
ok and scurried off to explore its apparently vulgar pleasures, tossing a hur
ried "thank you" to me over her shoulder. I smiled after her and realized tha
t I quite liked my cousin.
Anne had a sweetness in her nature at odds with her Fonteyn blood, so presum
ably she'd escaped its dire effects. However, she was not an especially clev
er woman, and much of her conversation was of a repetitious nature. She was
pretty, though, and at her best when singing, for she had a lovely voice. As
 there was nothing to dislike about her, she was generally liked by others a
s well, so long as the conversation was not too intellectually taxing.
I thought that she might have a working mind hidden.away somewhere; it just
 wanted a little encouragement to emerge. From what I gathered in listening
 to talk about what things were like in Philadelphia, a girl was not expect
ed to have much of an intellect, nor was one needed. Pouring tea correctly,
 wearing a pleasant face no matter what, and keeping the servants in line w
as all that was expected of one; that, and being a good listener when a man
 was talking to you. I could see why Elizabeth had such a low opinion about
 what polite society thought desirable in women.
"You're very kind to her." A woman's voice. Lady Caroline.
I turned from the bookcase to find her at ease in Father's big chair by the fi
re. She had a book in one hand, her finger marking the place where she'd left
off reading. I gave a little bow.
"It's nothing."
"Oh, but it is. I tried to interest her in Shakespeare ages ago and she would
n't even touch it. Thought it might be too confusing. I admire the way you te
mpted her into it."
"Thank you," I said, with happy sincerity.
Where Anne was lacking was made up for by Lady Caroline, and I found mysel
f rather strongly drawn to her. She was also very pretty and easy to talk
to on many different subjects.
"What book have you found?" I asked.
"It's one I brought with me. It's music." She opened it to show the pages,
which were indeed covered with bars and
notes, all unintelligible to me. I left such art to Elizabeth, who had a natural t
alent for it.
"You're reading music? How can you do that without playing it?"
"I just can. It's no more difficult than reading words, I assure you."
"For you perhaps. Is there a story buried somewhere in your tune, then?"
She laughed very charmingly. "I think it would be easier for me to play it
for you so you can work out your own story." Lady Caroline was accomplished
 at the spinet and attributed her skill from having taken lessons from Jose
ph Haydn during the years prior to his entering the service of the great an
d wealthy Esterhazy family where he was finding some fame these days. His n
ame meant little enough here in the Colonies, but I'd heard it often while
in England and was impressed.
"I should like that very much," I said.
"Your sister and I could take turns. She has an excellent ear and eye, I've no
ticed."
"She will be delighted to know you think so, Lady Caroline."
"I think quite a lot of your sister, you know . . . and so does my brother."
Well-a-day. "Indeed?" I nodded and raised my brows to indicate I was an inte
rested listener.
"He's given me to understand that he has a very high and respectful regard in
his heart for her."
Though Elizabeth had extracted my strict promise not to talk to Norwood abo
ut her, she'd made no mention about avoiding the subject with his sister. "
Then his lordship will be pleased to hear—if he doesn't know already—that E
lizabeth also has a very high and respectful regard for him."
"That is good news, as far as it goes, but what shall be done about it?"
"I believe that once the principals understand things, the situation will likely
take care of itself."
"Ah, but there are other matters to consider, Mr. Barrett. Practical matters."
"What might those be?"
"Money, for instance, should it come to pass that my brother wishes to propo
se marriage to Miss Barrett. From the first
when he began to confide his feelings to me about her, I could see that he w
ould probably be too occupied with those feelings to even think about the do
wry. I don't know if there are different customs over here, but in England,
the bride is expected to bring a suitable sum into the marriage."
"There's naught to worry about there, Lady Caroline, for the custom holds h
ere as well. In fact, upon marrying, Elizabeth comes into her full inherita
nce from her maternal grandfather's estate. It is a sizable sum with a very
 comfortable yearly income attached. Of course, any marriage she seeks must
 have the approval of her parents, or she forfeits everything." Such was Gr
andfather's hold from the grave on his female descendants. I had not been s
o restricted and had come into everything on my twenty-first birthday last
summer.
"That requirement for approval must lessen the chance for any hasty elopeme
nts," she said.
"I believe that was the idea behind it." Though I knew Elizabeth was headstron
g enough to ignore it if she felt she had to; in this case it was irrelevant a
nd I said as much.
"Do you think your parents might bestow their approval on such a match?"
"That is something that Lord James will have to take up with them, though I
 can say that in my opinion I doubt they will have any objections." Father
would not forbid Elizabeth any chance at happiness, and Mother would positi
vely dote on the idea of having a duke's brother for a son-in-law. She woul
d, of course, have to abandon her policy of ignoring Elizabeth. Or not. Wel
l, we'd get 'round her somehow.
"That's good. Then I shall pass the good news on to James. It seems he gets
all tongue-tied when in the presence of your dear sister and has been unable
 to speak to her of those things of the heart which most concern him."
We both took amusement from that picture, but it was somewhat at odds with
my memory. Norwood had ever been smoothly articulate at all times. My guess
 was that he was genuinely interested in Elizabeth, but testing the waters
via his sister. If he planned to press his suit, he'd want to be sure it wa
s worth his while. This might be considered cynical, but it was the way thi
ngs were done. Most marriages dealt with the issues of property and money b
efore anything else, including love. But in this case, there seemed to be n
o problem over any of those concerns.
Lady Caroline, her questions answered, made leave to excuse herself. "I sho
uld like a chance to practice," she replied against my objection. "Then I s
hall be able to give you a proper recital. Who knows, but I might even have
 the honor of playing for a wedding party soon."
I bowed deeply as she left and smiled after her. She was a lovely, graceful
young woman and understandably, my thoughts of her drifted along some pleasa
ntly carnal lines for many moments. I entertained also the thought of enteri
ng marriage with her. Though I had no title to offer, I did have money, and
that counted for much in these troubled times. She would still retain her ti
tle, after all.
No, I told myself gently. It was not for me. Then that gentle negative grew i
n strength as it came to me that marriage to any woman was certainly a much m
ore serious consideration for one such as I than it would be for an ordinary
man. Firstly, any proposal would also have to entail a confession about my pa
rticular condition ... and how I had come to acquire it. Very risky to the re
lationship, that, but the only honorable course to take in order to be fair t
o the lady. It wasn't the sort of revelation one reserves for the wedding nig
ht.
My God, why had Nora always refused my many proposals? For all the intima
cy of our relationship, we might as well have been married. And I had kno
wn all about her condition. Did she think I might reproach her for the ot
her men she knew, the ones who willingly supplied her with money . . . an
d blood?
She would not have wanted for money with me, and I knew from experience
 that human blood was not her only source of food. Why, then, had she—?
The hurt washed over me like a cold sea wave, but dear God, how I missed
her. Lady Caroline vanished from my thoughts, replaced by the shining ima
ge of Nora. How could I think of anyone else, think of marrying anyone el
se, even in play?
I'd write another letter to her, to follow the other and hope that they would
reach her soon.
But first I would have to write to Oliver.
I settled in at Father's desk and put aside the work he'd left for me for the
 time being. There was a long night ahead, with little else to do; I'd get to
 it. For now I plucked up a pen, charged it with ink, and began a serious add
ress of my cousin, thanking him for his efforts on my behalf and encouraging
him to continue, if he wouldn't mind.
That business covered, I undertook to catch him up on the events of the las
t few months since my previous writing. Much was the same, yet much had cha
nged, something of a mirror of my own condition. I included a guarded accou
nt of the incident at Mrs. Montagu's house, mentioning that I'd been wounde
d, but only slightly and was all better now. I said little about Nat and hi
s large companion, only that they'd been killed, not a word on who had done
 the killing. I'd almost omitted the business altogether, but went ahead an
d put it down, anyway.
Father and I had had a long talk about it, or perhaps I should say he listen
ed while I talked. It had not been easy to admit to that fatal loss of contr
ol, but to hold it tight within would have been worse. For several nights af
ter I was bothered by the memory of Nat's red face and the feel of his flesh
 between my fingers as I squeezed the life from him. Like some latter-day Pi
late, I found myself washing my hands every time the image turned up before
my mind's eye. Thank God I was no longer troubled by bad dreams.
Perhaps because Nat's death was so vivid, I did not dwell as much on how I'
d killed his friend. I thought this was because he'd been so eager to murde
r my father. It might be easier to bear such a burden when one is defending
 for another rather than attacking for oneself, but now and then, I could s
till imagine feeling the shock of the table edge as it slammed into the man
's spine traveling up my arms. When that happened, I washed my hands.
Much to my disgust, Nash and others were hailing me as the hero of the hou
r, an honor I'd have been pleased to do without. I wearily maintained that
 my heroism was due to poor judgment and worse luck and asked that no more
 be said of the affair. It was then thought that I was being too modest. T
he story got out regardless and grew in the telling, much to my chagrin. O
nly Father and Beldon, both veterans of war, seemed to understand. At home
 the subject was hardly raised. I went on as usual, pretending to recover
from my wounds, and gradually time worked its magic as present concerns su
pplanted past woes.
Most of them. That blooding often puzzled me. Why had I not disappeared for
 a swift healing when I'd taken the shot? Though the pistol ball had passed
 right through me as before, this time I'd been left with a bleeding wound.
 In discussions
with Father and Elizabeth about it, we quickly concluded that the foreign ma
tter of the wood splinters in my body had somehow prevented it, this theory
confirmed by the fact that I'd been able to vanish again upon their removal.
 Why this should be escaped us, but I was not of a mind to further any resea
rches and, much to their relief, had promised to do my best to avoid any sit
uations of peril in the future.
The Montagu household had also come to settle down as the days passed by wi
thout further invasions, but they had lost quite a bit of property includin
g two fine carriage horses, some cattle, and whatever food had been lying a
bout, such as those missing hams. Their losses were not important when comp
ared to the fact that no one had been hurt. Other houses similarly ransacke
d had not been so lucky, as the rebels had not hesitated to assault and eve
n murder people in their quest for booty.
Norwood, upon his return from hunting the thieves with Nash, had reported t
he sad fact that everything had apparently been loaded into whaleboats and
carried off to Connecticut.
"Don't know how they managed it with the horses and cattle, but their gree
d must have given them heart and ingenuity for the task," he said. "We fou
nd the spot on the beach where they loaded them in and pushed off. The wat
er was like glass, so they must have made swift time getting home again. T
here was no other sign of them when we arrived, more's the pity."
"What about the other soldiers tracking them?" I asked.
He laughed. "Almost no sign of them, either. They'd gone about their duty w
ith much enthusiasm, but little direction, and got lost in the dark. Poor f
ellows were so cold and tired from chasing after shadows all night they loo
ked like a pack of stray dogs when we found 'em. Uniforms wet through and m
uddy, polish of sweat on their faces and the bootblacking smeared from thei
r mustaches, I think they were more unhappy at not maintaining a smart turn
out than in losing their quarry."
Nash had been just as disappointed as well as angry at the escape, for it ref
lected badly upon his ability to keep the peace in his allotted area. Not tha
t his commissary duties called for him to do much soldiering, but the rebel a
ctions did directly threaten his source of supply. In the end, despite Mrs. M
ontagu's objections (and Father's), a half-dozen of his men were detailed to
be quartered in the emptied stables.
Unhappy that his proposal was met with such a cool reception, Nash bulled a
head regardless, pointing out that the people
and property would be safer for the presence of troops. He pledged his word
on the integrity of their behavior, and so far there had been no trouble fro
m them. Apparently my past visit concerning that poor Bradford girl had put
the fear of God into him, and he'd passed that fear on to his men. Father ha
d heard later that the guilty man had been punished, though privately, as th
e army was reluctant to show its dirty laundry to civilians. It was not a wi
se policy, as those outraged civilians could only conclude that nothing was
being done on their behalf. But in this case, at least, we knew better and t
rusted that things would remain relatively peaceful.
Despite this settlement, Father began making a point of going over for a sh
ort visit nearly every day to see how things were for his lady, a courtesy
that was much appreciated by her. He extended other favors, like the "loan"
 of two of our horses and a milk cow, that she might not be left stranded o
r without a source of butter and other necessities. Nash, for all his rapa-
ciousness, made not the slightest move toward collecting the stock for his
own people. I'd been there at the time, and though Nash's eyes had sharpene
d, they grew dull enough again when they chanced to meet mine. Since that l
ast interview we seemed to have developed an unspoken understanding, so inf
luencing the man into charity was unnecessary. He'd come to his own conclus
ion as to how I might view any requisitions made from her and decided to sa
ve himself the bother.
Not all of this was passed on to Oliver, of course, but I did fill up a page
 or two with news I hoped he might find of interest. On a lighter note, I to
ld him all about our house guests at length, including the interview I'd jus
t had with Lady Caroline. If things proceeded as I thought, we would soon ha
ve Lord James Norwood as a relative. I asked Oliver if he had any opinion on
 the Duke of Norbury and his family and closed with a wish for a speedy repl
y to my inquiry about Miss Nora Jones, no matter what the news might be.
This done, I took out more paper and began my salutation to Nora. What fol
lowed was brief, but from my heart as I poured it out to her. I had many n
ew questions about myself and many more about her, and included my hopes a
nd prayers for her well-being. It didn't seem enough, but it was all I had
 until I heard from her once more.
And a long wait that would be, unless she'd received my first letter by now.
 The reply might be on its way to me, or
even arrive tomorrow. Hope was ever with me, but often a bitter companion f
or every day that it went unfulfilled.
Addressed, sealed, and ready to go out in the morning, or whenever the next
post finally came, I placed my latest packet under the cup of lead shot as u
sual and, with a sigh, began examining the top paper on the stack Father had
 left.
Father and Norwood returned the next day, though I was unable to celebrate t
heir arrival until my evening awakening. It was determined that another tea
party should take place, though this one was on a smaller scale than that wh
ich had been interrupted by the rebel raid. As more and more supplies were b
eing drained away by the British and Hessian armies, it was not considered w
ise to be too ostentatious in one's entertaining. If this limitation on our
hospitality grated at Mother in any way, she did not show it.
There was only one other change besides the size of the party. This time E
lizabeth was not pouring; that honor went to Cousin Anne. Elizabeth offere
d no objections. We'd discussed it and decided that it was one more way in
 which Mother maintained her new routine of ignoring her daughter. The usu
al custom was that if no daughter of the house were available, the task we
nt to another unmarried lady. Lady Caroline might have taken it, but Anne
was younger.
As it turned out, Elizabeth's not too convincing chagrin at losing the post
 was disguised delight, since it gave her a better opportunity to see Norwo
od. I'd repeated my conversation with Lady Caroline to her and apparently t
he lady had done the same with her brother. Norwood and Elizabeth had found
 a corner that afforded some slight privacy and the two of them were smilin
g at each other in a manner that could only be described as soppy.
"It looks as though the fever is sorely afflicting them," Beldon remarked to
 me, but with vast good humor.
'"Tis a painless complaint, I hope."
"For now, certainly, and for evermore, God willing."
"You think they'll make a match for themselves, then?"
"I certainly hope so."
"Indeed?"
He pursed his lips. "Well, you are aware that my sister has ever entertained c
ertain hopes. It will be of considerable relief
to me if things arrange themselves so that she can gracefully abandon those
hopes."
Perhaps not gracefully, but at least in silence, I thought. From the first
 day they'd descended upon our house Mrs. Hardinbrook had been badgering h
er brother to woo Elizabeth for his bride. As Beldon had no interest in wo
men for matrimonial or any other purposes, the situation often became awkw
ard for him. I could well understand that Elizabeth's marriage to another
would provide him with a long desired ease from her nagging .. . until Mrs
. Hardinbrook picked out a new prospect for him, anyway.
That lady was even now eyeing Elizabeth and Norwood and drawing some deadl
y accurate conclusions about the glowing, besotted looks passing between t
hem. She glanced at her brother, scowled, then forced her eyes down into h
er tea cup as though it might provide her with either inspiration or conso
lation.
My former tutor, Rapelji, came over. A short man with amazing energy, he ha
d finished his tea but not yet turned the cup over.
"Would you like some more, sir?" I asked. "Or perhaps some punch instead?
"
"Tea will do, but I'm enjoying this too much." He nodded at Elizabeth, his
eyes shining with good-natured amusement. "Well, well, now I'm wondering if
 I should pass any of the news on to the girls."
"The girls" were his elderly housekeepers, Rachel and Sarah. They were kno
wn for their exhaustive herb lore, good cooking, and choice gossip.
"It might be a bit premature, yet," I said. "They've only just gotten to talkin
g with one another."
"They seem to be talking remarkably well. I've never seen your sister looki
ng prettier, and I daresay Lord James would agree with me."
"I think any man would agree with you on that point, Mr. Rapelji," said Bel
don. Though indifferent to women, his nature was flexible enough to allow h
im to have an aesthetic appreciation of them.
"I shall not debate with you, sir. What do you think of it, Jonathan?"
"Think of what, exactly?"
"A match between those two, of course."
"I shall support whatever decision my sister is pleased to make."
"What? That almost smacks of disapproval."
"Or a trust in my sister's judgment."
"Ho-ho, sir, I wish I'd thought of that one."
Now Father came over to our group and some of our informality faded. "Goo
d evening, gentlemen. Anything of interest?"
"We were just remarking on the beauty of the ladies, sir," I said, uncertain
 whether Elizabeth's occupation with Norwood was the right subject to bring
up with him at this time.
"There is much to remark upon," he agreed. Then I saw his eyes light upon
the couple in the corner and twinkle. They shifted to mine, and he winked.
 After passing some time with Beldon and Rapelji, he leaned in close to me
. "I wondered when he'd work up the courage to finally approach her."
"For how long?" I asked.
"Since the morning we left for Hempstead. His mind was on Elizabeth for the
whole trip, I think, as he was ever eager to talk about her. Can't say that
I'm exactly pleased, though."
"Have you anything against Norwood?"
"No, he seems pleasant enough, but by God, I hate the thought of him taking
away my little girl."
On that I could sincerely commiserate, for I hated the thought of losing my sist
er to ... well, he was a lord, but still a virtual stranger to us. I'd have to t
ry to get to know him better.
"Are you done with your tea, Father?"
"What? Oh, yes, sorry."
We quietly exchanged cups as usual and he drained away some of mine.
"Got it just right this time, laddie," he said with a grateful smile. Father enjo
yed lots of sugar in his tea, a habit I'd learned to imitate for his sake.
"Did Cousin Anne make it strong enough for you as well?"
"Yes, but she's let it steep too long. It's been very bitter."
"She may be distracted tonight."
"Oh? She taken with you, then?"
"Ahh . . ."
"Or is it the other way around to cause such distraction?"
"Really, sir!" And then I saw that he was only playing.
"She's a pretty enough girl, long as she doesn't talk too much," he said. "
I heard her mentioning Shakespeare with some enthusiasm, though, so maybe t
here's hope for her."
"Hope for what?"
"That she might get that mind of hers into some kind of activity. I also hat
e seeing waste, and a pretty girl not given the chance to think is a terribl
e waste, or so it seems to me. To other men, too, I've seen on occasion. Hav
ing a beautiful but empty-headed woman for a wife can be an altogether wretc
hed existence."
He was looking at Anne in an absent sort of way, his words running on ligh
tly as though there were not much thought behind them. Tea party conversat
ion, nothing more.
Or was there? Then, with a bitter shock, I realized he was thinking of Mothe
r. She had certainly been beautiful once, if that portrait in the library wa
s anything to go by. What had he been like himself? Young, about my age now,
 good prospects ahead, and then he falls in love with the stunning Marie Fon
teyn. Had he been so wrapped in its fever that he'd not noted the flaws amid
 the virtues? Possibly. It ran in the family, too, if my feelings for Nora w
ere anything to go by. Perhaps it ran in the whole human race.
Mother had looks—once upon a time—but she was not especially clever. She g
ot on well within the rules imposed by society and custom, but her intelli
gence was more of a kind of instinctual cunning than anything else. No won
der she worried so much over what people thought. They, all unknowing, ess
entially did her thinking for her, telling her what was right and proper t
o do and say. All that she did and said did not come from her own desires,
 but were a mirror of theirs.
I fairly gaped at my mother, feeling shock, horror, and pity swirling up thr
ough me in one uneasy swell. That was bad enough, but to look on Father and
feel the same but more of it... God have pity on us all.
"Something wrong, Mr. Barrett?" inquired Beldon, who had returned to stan
d next to me. Father had gone off to the library with Rapelji. "You seem
a little—" Haunted? "—pale."
"I think I should like some air, Doctor." He stepped back to give me room to
pass. "But it's very cold out."
"Good."
I left my upended cup and saucer on a table and quietly left, not wishing to
draw any attention to myself. Going out the front door, I picked up my stride
 until I was safe from sight behind one of our larger trees. The snow was not
 so deep on this side of it, barely coming up over my shoes. Not that I was w
orried about that or much of anything for a time. I breathed in and out, as i
f to clear myself of the dusty taste of that suddenly stifling room.
"Mr. Jonathan?"
Bloody hell, I wanted to be alone.
Jericho came up, wearing a worried face.
"What is it?"
One of his eyebrows quirked. "I'm aware of what passed between you and Mr
. Barrett."
Yes, he'd been standing right behind us, busy as usual with the punch bowl.
 Of course, he'd have heard everything. But could he have heard my very tho
ughts? He had a reputation for such in the servant's hall.
"Your father is a very great man," he stated.
More thought divination? No, but Jericho had correctly read my reactions.
Having known me since birth, he'd instantly understood what had been set o
ff by Father's most casual remark.
"He is a wise man, too."
"I'm glad you think it," I said roughly.
"But a wise man only becomes so after making mistakes."
"So Father marrying Mother was a mistake?"
"Your judgment of him is."
As soon as his words were out, I was flooded with shame and dropped my he
ad. "I'm sorry."
"Your father is human, Mr. Jonathan. As is mine. As are all fathers, all paren
ts."
"Yes, I know that. I've always known that, but tonight it just seemed to hit me
 all at once, all over."
"No children are ever happy to learn about the true vulnerability of their pa
rents. It shakes their world up too much."
That's what had happened, I thought. "You're exactly right. I've been very s
tupid about the whole business."
This time Jericho remained diplomatically silent. For a while. "It is rather col
d, sir."
"So Beldon said to me a moment ago. Very well." I let him lead the way ba
ck to the house. We stamped the snow from our feet.
"Will I look at him the same as before, though, I wonder."
He shook his head. "Never. But this time it will be with more understanding
."
He returned to his duties as I eventually did to mine.
No one had missed us, apparently. The party was going well. Beldon was with
 Mother and Lady Caroline and saying something amusing. Both were smiling,
though Mother's smile, as ever, was a brittle one. I don't think she had an
y kind of a sense of humor, but at least Beldon was trying. Elizabeth and N
orwood were still in the corner, discussing all kinds of things, probably.
Cousin Anne was alone at the tea table, so I went to her for a bit of compa
ny.
She reached for the teapot, but faltered, seeing that I had no cup.
"Had my fill ages ago," I told her, "but thank you very kindly."
"A single cup fills you?"
I shrugged amiably and changed the subject. "Enjoying that play, I hope?"
Her eyes glazed as she searched her memory, then brightened. "Oh, the one y
ou gave me? Yes, very much. Some of the language was very antique, but it w
as quite interesting. I went back the next day and got another one to read.
 He's a bit confusing in language until one gets used to it, and then it ab
ruptly makes sense. I seem to know exactly what he means, once I've worked
things out. But people didn't really talk like that then, did they?"
I thought that Rapelji might provide her with a better answer and looked ar
ound for him before recalling that he was probably still in the library wit
h Father. As I started to form my own opinion for her, the gentleman himsel
f came into the room. The energy that constantly propelled him through mont
hs of rigorous labor pounding knowledge into stubborn skulls had suddenly d
eserted him. He seemed to have just enough strength to totter a few steps i
n and then had to grab the back of a chair to support himself. He was very
white.
He'd been so quiet that no one had noticed but me as I just happened to be fa
cing in the right direction. The dreadful
expression on his face went straight to my heart. Something was wrong, wr
ong, wrong.
"The doctor," he whispered. "Where's Beldon?" Now others stirred and looked
over, but I paid them no mind as I was rushing out the door for the library.
 Had I been breathing regularly, I'd have been choked with terror. Instead,
clawing and clutching, the stuff invaded my brain and body like a swift, icy
 fever.
The fever did not abate, but increased its numbing effect on my mind, as I s
trode into the library and found Father stretched out on the settee. I calle
d to him, but, disturbingly, he did not respond. He might have been taking a
 nap, but he was much too still and slack. His mouth was open, but his lips
and skin had a blue cast to them that turned my cold fear into frosty panic.
 I was unable to move, and barely heard or felt Beldon pushing past me to ge
t to him.
He loosened Father's neckcloth immediately, then pressed an ear to his chest t
o listen to his heart. I could hear its slow beat, noted his deep, slow breath
ing, but combined with his stillness, neither seemed . . . right.
Beldon shook Father's shoulders, trying to wake him, shouting his name as
though the man were across an open field, not right in front of him. The o
thers coming up behind me were greeted by this row, and worried questions
began to be whispered in tight little voices. "What's going on? What has h
appened?"
"Jonathan?" Elizabeth's voice managed to penetrate to me. She put a hand
on my arm.
I looked at her and saw a reflection of my own white and hollow-eyed face.
 I turned and hugged her close for a moment, and that seemed to help.
"Someone get my box," Beldon ordered.

From the comer of my eye I saw Jericho sprint off, taking the stairs three at
a time.
Other orders were given and various servants rushed to obey him.
"Mr. Barrett."
This time he addressed me, not Father. I stepped forward.
"Help me get him to his feet."
"Is that wise, sir?"
"Just do it," he snapped. He was already trying to lift Father to a sitting
 position. I helped him complete the job, and between us we got him standin
g. Father mumbled a protest at this liberty and tried to push us away. "We
must wake him up and keep him awake."
The three of us moved from the library into the larger hall like drunken sai
lors stumbling home from a debauch. The others parted out of our way, scuttl
ing off and collecting in corners like dust. Jericho hastily came downstairs
 again with the box of medicines clutched in his arms. Beldon told him to pu
t it in the library and then return. When he did, Beldon had him take his pl
ace helping me with Father.
"What is wrong with Mr. Barrett?" Jericho whispered.
"I don't know," I whispered back, unable to trust myself to speak with a full
voice.
Back and forth we went, encouraging Father to walk and to wake up for us. He
 shook his head at this, whether in denial or in an effort to comply, I coul
d not tell. His face was slack, but now and then a beatific smile spasmed ov
er it and he mumbled unintelligibly. Most of the time he was unaware of us,
virtually asleep on his feet.
Beldon, who had gone to the library, called Elizabeth in with him. She'd b
een watching our progress, in agony over the driving need to do something
and the utter lack of anything to do, and now fairly jumped at this chance
 to help. They reappeared again, Beldon with a cup of something in his han
d and Elizabeth carrying a cloth and a basin one of the maids had been ord
ered to bring. We stopped pacing a moment and Beldon managed to get Father
 to drink what was in the cup.
We resumed walking, with Elizabeth standing nearby. Not much time passed b
efore Father's body gave a frightening, uncontrolled jerk and he doubled o
ver. Biting her lips and with tears streaming unnoticed down her cheeks, E
lizabeth held the basin for him as he vomited into it. When he was finishe
d, Jericho and I had to support him completely. He
groaned, head drooping. Elizabeth tenderly wiped his mouth with the cloth, t
hen draped it over the noisome contents and took it back to the library.
Beldon lifted Father's head and pried open his eyes. They were like solid bl
ue buttons, with hardly any pupil showing. A madman's eyes, I thought, a chi
ll stabbing right through me to the bone.
"Doctor..." I couldn't bring myself to say more, but he heard the pleading t
one and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
"He'll be all right, I'm sure. Just keep walking him up and down. I have Mrs.
 Nooth making some very strong cafe noir and he is to drink all of it."
"But what is it? What sort of attack has he had?"
"I'm still working that out, sir. For now, keep him moving. No rest, no mat
ter how much he may protest."
At this point Father was incapable of protesting, period. His skin was dread
fully gray, but it looked marginally better than that unhealthy blue tint. W
hen the coffee arrived, I held him steady while Jericho persuaded him to dri
nk some. The first cup did not stay down, no doubt because of the purgative
he'd taken earlier. Beldon had anticipated this, though, for another vessel
had been brought in to catch it. The second cup stayed in him, and a third,
and so on until the pot was empty. It took a while, but eventually Father wa
s walking on his own, though he still needed help and looked far from well.
"There's something wrong, Jonathan," he murmured, over and over. "What's
wrong? Please tell me, laddie."
"Would that I could, sir," I said, hardly able to hold back my tears.
"It will be all right, sir," said Jericho. I could not tell which of us he was try
ing to comfort.
After a brief word from Beldon, Norwood took charge of the others and urged
 them to all wait in the music room. Mother objected to this and demanded a
 proper explanation for Father's condition. There was no tremor in her voic
e, though it was respectfully lowered. I got the strong impression that she
 thought Father was himself responsible for his wretched state.
Beldon put on his best doctor's manner. "It's a bit early to tell, but I believe
 Mr. Barrett has had an attack of the flying gout."
"Gout? He's never had gout in his life."
"That's most fortunate, but this is the flying gout, with diverse symptoms and
 diverse manifestations . .."
I felt a fist closing hard around my throat. Oliver had studied medicine an
d had shared many observations with me on the subject. Whenever a doctor me
ntioned flying gout, it almost always meant he did not know what was wrong.
 I glared at Beldon but did not question him or his medical judgment just t
hen. That would come later, in private, and he'd damn well better be able t
o account for himself.
Mother was finally persuaded to retire with the others to wait and distract
 themselves with futile speculation. Elizabeth remained by the open door of
 the library, ready to rush forward if needed again. Archimedes had taken u
p a post at the parlor door and watched everything with a dour face. Only B
eldon dared to pass him, and did, spending some time in that room before em
erging to go to the library again.
More coffee was brought in and Beldon saw to it that Father had an ample s
ampling. The poor man was awash with it by now, and after Beldon called fo
r a chamber pot we retired elsewhere to allow him a chance to relieve hims
elf. Beldon took that pot away rather than turning it over to a servant, w
hich I thought odd.
Up and down we walked, and Father ceased to ask me his heartbreaking and
unanswerable questions. He was silent now, his eyes looking more normal b
ut still dimmed and groggy despite the coffee and activity.
"Something's afoot," he said in a soft but clear voice. We'd just passed th
e library and seen Beldon within, though we couldn't make out what he was d
oing.
I said nothing, but silently agreed with him.
"And keep that lot away from me," he muttered.
We'd passed the music room and caught the combined stares of the others. I
couldn't blame him for any shred of reluctance about talking to them. My he
art lifted an inch or two. Father was sounding more like himself.
"God, I'm tired. I want to sit down."
I called Beldon, who came out and looked at Father's eyes again and listened
 to his heart. "Very well, but no brandy. Coffee only."
Father made a sound to indicate that he was sick of coffee, but he obedient
ly drank more when it was offered.
"Can you tell me what happened, Mr. Barrett?" Beldon asked when Father was
 seated. Jericho had brought a chair out from the parlor.
"What d'you mean?"
"When did you start to feel sleepy?"
Father shook his head. "I'm not sure. I was at the gathering ... talking . . .
Mr. Rapelji and I came away to talk about his school. . . perhaps then."
"What did you eat and drink tonight?"
"Same as the others, I think. Ask them."
"No medicines?"
"No, I'm not ill, or at least I wasn't. What's this about, sir? Explain yourself.
"
Beldon looked to be in difficulties. He sucked in his lips.
"Yes, Doctor," I put in. "I know enough of medicine to understand about the
 'flying gout.' What's really wrong with Father?"
He glanced around at us all. Elizabeth and Archimedes had both drifted close
r; Jericho stood on one side of Father, I knelt on the other. The five of us
 looked back, each with the same intense need to know his mind.
"I really hope I am wrong," he began hesitantly. "If I am not, then we have a
 most unpleasant situation to deal with."
"Out with it, sir," said Elizabeth, her eyes fairly burning through him. "What
is it?"
His expression was such as to make it clear he would have preferred to be
very much elsewhere. "I've made a thorough examination of... things and—"
"What things?" I asked, sensing he was trying to be delicate.
"The—ah—contents of the basins and chamberpot."
I wrinkled my nose in reflex.
"I've also checked my medicine box and found ... a notable discrepancy in t
he contents of the laudanum bottle."
No one spoke. The silence was that awful, brittle, waiting kind that happens
when something terrible is about to crash into your life and it's impossible
to leap out of the way.
Father was the first to break it. "You mean I've taken laudanum, Doctor?"
"Yes, sir. Quite a lot of it."
"Please clarify that," said Elizabeth.
"The dose was probably sufficient to have very serious consequences."
"How serious?"
Beldon's answer got stuck somewhere in his throat.
"That serious," stated Father in a very dry whisper. He rubbed his face and
 sighed heavily, unhappily. "How?"
"It would have to have been in your tea, the taste disguised by plenty of suga
r."
At this, Father's weary eyes suddenly sharpened. His hand had been resting o
n my shoulder; its grip tightened.
"Tea? How might it have gotten into just one cup, then?"
"That is something that we shall have to ask Miss Fonteyn."
"You think that girl tired to—"
Beldon shrugged. "I don't know, sir. It hardly seems likely. People were mi
lling about at one time or another during the party, especially when the fi
rst cups were being poured. Anyone could have made an opportunity for thems
elves. Questions must be asked . . . and answered, for there is a chance th
is could happen again."
"Again?"
"The amount of laudanum that was taken was more than enough to ... well, no
t all of it may have been used tonight."
Elizabeth put a hand to her mouth and drew in a sharp breath. She looked as
 gray as Father, and for a moment I thought she might faint. I knew that be
cause I felt the same way.
"Everyone must be questioned," Beldon insisted, pushing on, though he could
 see what it was doing to us, but the alternative was worse. The implicatio
ns of what might happen should there be a yet unused portion of laudanum wa
iting in our future were frighteningly clear to us. "I said it would be unp
leasant," he added forlornly.
Father made a soft, contemptuous snort at Beldon's understatement. "Yes ...
no ... oh, how my head buzzes. I need rest. No questions tonight, Doctor. I'
m not up to it."
"I can do that, sir."
"No."
"But, Mr. Barrett. . . ?"
Father gently waved him down. "No, sir. If any questions are to be asked, the
n I shall ask them. If someone in this house played a careless joke on me, th
en I shall face them myself. I'll not leave it to another to do my business f
or me."
His face went first pale, then red with outrage and fear; Beldon stared down
at his patient. "Sir, you could have died tonight! This was not any kind of a
 joke, but a most serious and considered attempt on your life. I will not all
ow you to delude yourself into thinking otherwise."
"Nor have I. But I am asking you to be silent over it."
"But, whyV
"As you said, this promises to be a most unpleasant situation. Would you rea
lly care to question the entire household?"
"It's necessary in order to find out who's responsible."
"I believe I already know, sir."
That silenced Beldon. It silenced the whole room.
"Archimedes."
He straightened a little. "Sir?"
Father swallowed. With difficulty, as though ready to vomit again. "I want. .
 . want you to discreetly go through Mrs. Barrett's room. You'll be looking f
or... what? A twist of paper or a small bottle?"
Beldon murmured agreement.
"The doctor will show you what the stuff looks like. If you find nothing, th
en you'll look again tomorrow. Pay special attention to the pockets of the g
arments she's worn tonight. Jericho, I want you to check the parlor right no
w for the same thing, and the music room later after they're all out of ther
e. Go through the drawers, check under the furniture, the whole room, every
corner."
"Sir."
"And both of you . . . don't let yourselves be seen by anybody. What you've
heard here, stays here."
Both nodded with grim faces and waited impatiently as Beldon went to the l
ibrary for the bottle of laudanum to show them what they'd be hunting.
"What happens should they find it?" I asked.
Father let his head fall against the back of the chair and shut his ey?s. "The
y give it to Beldon, who will lock it in his medicine box, once he has a lock
put on the thing."
"What about Mother, though?"
"Nothing."
Elizabeth shot me an anguished look over him. "We can't do nothing."
Father was quiet. Thinking, or tired beyond thought.
"She tried to poison you!"
"It failed, by the grace of God. I have my warning and I shall be more alert
now."
"No, Father! You can't live in a house with that woman, day after day knowin
g that the next bite of food you take could be your death. I won't have it!"
 Her voice had dropped to a shaken whisper, but was as forceful as a shriek.
Father made no response, but the lines on his forehead deepened as his bro
ws came together.
"This has gone too far. You must do something about her."
"I will, but in my own way."
"But—"
He raised one hand slightly from the chair arm. "In my own way."
This did not sit well with Elizabeth, not at all well. Her eyes were burning r
ed from tears shed and tears yet to come. "What is that, then?" she asked, her
 voice thin as she tried to maintain control.
"We'll take steps to see that, the opportunity Dr. Beldon referred to has no ch
ance to repeat itself."
"That hardly seems enough," she objected.
Father was still ill and greatly weakened or he might have chided her for t
hat. All he could do was shake his head, reminding me that now was not the
time for such discussions. Later, when he was well again, not now.
"We're worried for you, Father," I said unnecessarily, using it to cover a
warning look thrown at Elizabeth. It got through and she shut her mouth, th
ough her jaw worked dangerously.
"I'm worried for all of us. This was unexpected, but it can be dealt with. Act
ually, I'm not too terribly surprised that something's happened, I just didn't
 anticipate it would happen in quite this manner."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been careless, laddie. About. . . Mrs. Montagu. Your mother's finally f
ound out and this"—he indicated himself— "is her reaction. I'd thought that s
hould the day come, she'd fall into one of her fits, but she's changed lately
. She's gotten more subtle."
"Suppose it wasn't Mother?" I asked uneasily.
His eyes opened. "Who else would want to?"
The names of all those people living with us tumbled through my mind. Lon
g-time servants, guests old and new.
None of them could possibly have any quarrel with Father. None. He was a w
ell-loved, well-respected man. The only person in the house who did not lo
ve or respect him was Mother. She had had access to Beldon's medicines and
 was certainly familiar enough with the use of laudanum by now. The more I
 thought about it, the likelier it seemed.
She was a strong woman, but not stronger than Father, so a physical attack a
gainst him would ultimately be futile. But poison ... now that would equaliz
e things nicely. There was a horrid, repulsive coldness to poisoning, but al
so an ugly fascination in the process. To stand by and pretend concern while
 watching with secret interest as the stuff gradually carries away a life—th
at was of a kind of wickedness so alien that I could hardly credit its exist
ence. But here it was, right in my own house.
"What will you do?" My voice was thin, ghostly.
"Take more care," came his simple reply.
You'll need more than that, I thought, my heart filled with leaden sickness.
Elizabeth made a choking sound and turned away to hide her tears.
Much more than that.
Archimedes and Jericho found no laudanum that night or in the days to follo
w. They had been uncommonly diligent in their searches, but we were left wi
th the uncomfortable conclusion that either nothing was there to be found,
or that Mother had been more clever at hiding it. Beldon offered the slim h
ope that the amount taken from his box had all been used that same night. N
o one was too eager to trust in that, though.
Beldon saw to it that a stout lock was attached to his medicine case and be
gan to lock his room whenever he left it. He kept both keys on his person a
nd soon developed a habit of now and then tapping the pocket they occupied
to make sure they were there. Their soft clink was a source of great reassu
rance to him, it seemed.
He also continued—at Father's firm request—to perpetuate the fiction about t
he attack of flying gout. It was bad enough for us to know the truth behind
his illness, but it would have been much worse for the others to know as wel
l. For all to
suffer with such knowledge . . . well, the strain and worry would have made t
he place impossible to live in.
The story also served well enough to cover the reason why Beldon demanded M
rs. Nooth's close supervision of Father's meals. As for drink, the cabinet
in the library holding a small stock of wines and spirits also quietly acqu
ired a lock. Father hinted to the locksmith about petty thievery of his sto
ck and rather than confront the tippler, he preferred to confound him. The
tale was so common that it would hardly be worth repeating, which was what
Father hoped for and likely got.
Father was shaky the next day, his body still busy trying to recover from th
e aftereffects of too much laudanum and coffee, but he was more himself on t
he next, and out doing his usual business after that. He made one very brief
 visit to Mrs. Montagu, mentioning it to me later.
"I told her that things were becoming difficult here, requiring my presence,
so she mightn't see me as often. I did not tell her what happened, nor do I w
ish her to know." "Hasn't she the right?" I asked.
"Yes, but she's burdens of her own to bear at this time. Later, when I'm ready
, she'll hear it all, but not just yet. In the meanwhile, I'd appreciate it if
 you'd look in on her now and then when you're . . . out and about. See that t
hings are quiet. You know."
"I'll be happy to do so." He knew all about my flying adventures, such as t
hey were. The winter nights were perfect for this activity, at least when t
he winds were not too fierce. The cold weather drove people indoors and kep
t them there, allowing me considerable freedom to enjoy the open sky withou
t fear of being seen. More than once I'd let myself drift all the way into
Glenbriar to socialize at The Oak or visit Molly Audy or both. Molly's fort
une improved for all my extra business, and at the inn I was able to expand
 my knowledge of the German language by talking some of the night away with
 the Hessians there. Would that things were as amicable at home.
The evening following the tea party was a quiet one, though. Father was up
 in his room, the rest were downstairs pursuing cards or music. Beldon had
 gone so far as to tune up his fiddle and was attempting a duet with Lady
Caroline. Norwood and Elizabeth managed to place themselves on the same se
ttee, ostensibly to listen. Mother, Mrs. Hardinbrook, and Anne were
attempting some sort of three-handed card game I couldn't readily identify.
 All appeared peaceful and normal. Perhaps it was, but my perceptions had b
een so altered that I was seeing things in a skewed manner.
Studying Mother's every movement and expression, I tried to read the truth
 within, if any could be discerned. I saw a middle-aged woman, her once be
autiful face marred by years of unhappy passions and futile and frustrated
 goals. This was not a contented soul. Any peace in her life came from mom
ents like this, where distraction from her own inner demons might be found
 in the company of her friends.
That was interesting. I'd always known it, but only now did the realizatio
n come to me: Mother was rarely ever alone. Mrs. Hardinbrook was with her
most of the time, Beldon as well, then there were all those tea parties an
d making calls on others. For all the acid of her personality, she always
managed to have some company around her. I wondered why. Was she so afraid
 of those demons she could not face them?
Having faced down a few myself, I couldn't blame her for that.
Elizabeth rose and excused herself during a break in the playing and walk
ed unhurriedly out to the hall. As she passed me she raised her brows and
 gave a very small movement of her head to indicate she wanted to talk. A
nything more open might draw unwelcome attention from Mother. After a mom
ent or two, I unobtrusively followed.
She was not waiting in the hall as I'd expected, but there was a faint glow o
f candlelight coming from the open door of the library.
"This is hard, Jonathan," she said just as I came in.
"Tell me what it is first and I might agree with you."
She was blank for a moment, then waved her hand in a gesture of irritation. "
This. Not being able to talk about last night or at least about the real trut
h of it. To pretend that nothing happened when all I want to do is scream abo
ut it to the heavens."
"I know you do."
"To sit in the same room as that woman . . . full of acting and pretense over
something this serious. If we do much more of it I'll burst."
"You won't."
She snorted. "I shouldn't like to wager on that."
"Father will take care of everything."
"We can hope so, but... I don't trust that blind spot he has for her. Yes, he
feels honor bound by an oath to care for her, but cannot that oath be broken o
r at least bent by this change of circumstances?"
"He'll think of something, I'm sure." My responses were easy and without m
uch thought behind them. She mostly wanted someone to talk to, a chance to
 air her complaints and fears. As she was unable to speak to Father about
it, I was now her only confidant, aside from Jericho and Archimedes. But t
hey were servants and I was her brother, I accepted her fears and kept my
own in check for the moment.
"You're wanting to tell Lord James?" I asked, prompted by an unexpected in
sight.
Her teeth were showing, but in a grimace, not a smile. "1 don't know what I
want. Yes, I do ... oh, damnation!"
I couldn't help but laugh at her, but quietly. "You are in love, aren't you?"
Now she flushed red and paced up and down, wringing her hands together. "I th
ink so. I don't know. I've never felt like this before. I can't see straight
or think about anything but him or do anything for myself. Am I ill?"
"Definitely, and I hope you'll treasure that illness."
"But, it's frightening, too. Is that how you felt about Nora?"
"It depends on what sort of fear you mean." Nora had inspired several kinds
in me during our relationship.
"I mean the sort of fear that comes when you stand on the edge of what you kn
ow to be a cliff. You have to step off, not knowing whether you'll fall into
a stack of straw or dash to pieces on a pile of rocks."
"Yes," I said with a sigh of remembrance. "I've been through that."
"What did you do?"
"I stepped off, of course. I didn't have much choice. I just went, because a
ny other choice would have hurt worse than landing on the rocks."
"That's what I want to do, but how can I do it without being truthful to him
about things?"
"You really think it's necessary to tell him about last night?"
"It's. .. been preying on my mind. Coming between us. I want to tell him, but
I'm not sure. He'll probably tell his sister
and she might mention it to Anne or—"
"Just ask him to pledge on his honor to keep it to himself."
"Is it just that simple? I hate secrets unless they're happy ones, like a surp
rise present. Those are the only ones I'm comfortable keeping."
"A man like Lord James would probably be delighted to have your confidenc
e and a pledge on his honor would be safe with him. It would make him fee
l quite the hero with you confiding such privileged knowledge to him."
"The point is not to impress him, but to be honest."
"He will be impressed, anyway."
"But the knowledge itself is so sordid. It might put him off me."
"I can't advise you on what to do in this, or how he might react, but if he r
eally loves you, nothing will keep him from you."
"I suppose I'll have to think about it some more. It's just that sitting the
re with Mother behind us and playing cards as though nothing were wrong . .
. my God, if Rapelji hadn't been with Father we might be weeping around a co
ffin right now."
Time to give her a hug. Past time. I put my arms around her and told her every
thing was all right. I'd been saying that a lot lately. I hoped with all my he
art that it was true.
Footsteps. I recognized their purposeful clack and broke away from Elizabet
h.
"What is it?" she asked.
I put a finger to my lips and faded away as fast as I could. And that was very
 fast. Elizabeth gave out with a little "oh" of surprise as she suddenly found
 herself alone in the room.
The steps, muffled for me by my present condition, halted, probably at the
doorway.
"What are you doing here?" Mother demanded.
The reply was slow in coming. It might have been caused by my disappearance
or by the fact this was the first time in ages that Mother had directly spok
en to her, or by both.
"Nothing. I just wanted to find a book to show to Lord James."
"Where's your brother?"
"I last saw him in the music room."
"He's not there now." Mother stepped forward and around and circled the lib
rary. Assuring herself that Elizabeth was indeed alone and that I wasn't hi
ding behind a curtain or crouched under the desk.
Elizabeth remained silent. So did Mother. Eventually, she left. When I was s
ure she was far enough along not to hear, I returned.
My sister jumped when she saw me.
"Sorry. I thought it would avoid trouble if I—"
"My God." She put her hand to her heart and breathed out a laughing sigh of
 relief. "My God."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I was just wishing that / could do that, too." She went to the d
oor and looked out. "Gone back to her game, I think. You saved us from cons
iderable unpleasantness just now."
"That was the idea."
"And a good one. Thank you, little brother."
I bowed good-naturedly. "She spoke to you."
She'd been smiling; now it faded. "Yes. I hope she won't make a habit of it. I.
.. don't think so."
"Why is that?"
"Just a feeling. In the past she's never failed to find some fault with me a
nd make some kind of disparaging comment over it. She had the opportunity no
w and did not use it."
"Perhaps she wants to maintain as much distance from you as you do from he
r and knows that talking to you would diminish it."
" 'Though this be madness' . . . ?"
"She knows 'a hawk from a handsaw.' "
We fell silent a moment and stared out the empty door. Distantly, Beldon dr
ew a few notes from his fiddle, then sawed out a few others, but with more
confidence. The spinet followed his lead, then passed him.
"Lord James will be missing you," I said.
"I'm missing him."
"What will you tell him?"
"I'm not sure. Talking to you about it... well... I have to think some more."
"Will you tell him about me?"
She was startled. "Why should I?"
"In the interest of honesty. Why not? It's a secret as well."
"But not an awful one. It's not the same."
"It's been pretty awful to me, at times."
"This must not have been one of them. You should have seen your face when
 you came back after she left."
"I wish I could."
Elizabeth knew all about my problem with mirrors. "Feeling sorry for yourse
lf?"
I made myself smile and shook my head.
I wandered back into the music room some while later. Lady Caroline had r
elinquished the spinet to Elizabeth and was now sitting next to Norwood,
but nothing else had changed. I listened as she and Beldon played through
 a few songs they both liked, nodded at anyone looking my way, and eventu
ally wandered out again.
The mood was a familiar one: I was too restless to sit, or read, or do much
of anything. I hated this kind of waiting, of not knowing exactly when it wo
uld end.
It was very cold when I finally thought to go outside. I had no cloak or hat
, but the chill would not affect me for a goodly time, despite the high wind
. The noise of it bothered me more than the low temperature. It hissed and s
narled through the bare tree branches and sent loose crystals of snow skitte
ring over the drifts. I plunged my bare hands into a thick white pile and du
g out the makings of a sizable snowball. Packing it down solidly, I smoothed
 it, rounded it, slapped more snow in where it lacked.
There was ice mixed in and it cut me. I regarded the stinging slice in my f
inger for a moment, vanished, and returned. The cut was gone.
I liked that, and laughed at myself. Then I hefted my snowball and threw it a
s high and as far as I could over the trees. Couldn't tell where it landed. C
ouldn't hear. The wind carried the sound away.
Elizabeth had been right to question whether I was feeling sorry for myself,
but my pity was for our family in general, not just for me.
Well. . . maybe some of it was for me ... but I wasn't giving in to it, not for
now.
I made more snowballs and threw them out into the pale winter night until m
y fingers grew stiff and blue, then went inside to thaw them by the library
 fire. Around me the house
was gradually settling down for the evening. The last bit of cleaning was b
eing seen to in the kitchen, along with preparations for tomorrow's cooking
 tasks. I heard Archimedes's stately tread going up the stairs to see if Fa
ther wanted anything more before retiring. Jericho made a last round to see
 that the doors and windows were locked, then went up to my room to set out
 my things as usual. He and his father came down together, their voices sof
t in the liquid sound of some African tongue. Jericho understood his father
's language, but rarely spoke it where a white person might hear. He said i
t made them nervous.
The music had stopped and conversation had ceased. Norwood escorted his sis
ter to her room. Beldon saw to the other ladies, then came to the library.
He did not see me as he cast about for a book for this evening's reading. I m
ade sure of that. Only when he was gone did I return. I didn't usually vanish
 to avoid people, but tonight I didn't feel like having further conversation.
Beldon trudged up to his room, and one by one people upstairs and down retire
d to their beds. If I listened very carefully, I could just hear Mrs. Hardinb
rook's first snores.
Other than that and the wind outside, all was quiet. When I was busy with cl
erking for Father or absorbed in a book, 1 hardly paid mind to any of it; no
w it all seemed to shout at me, "You're alone, alone, alone."
Indeed, I was. More so than most. Even Mother.
When the silence went on for an hour, I shifted myself from before the dying
 fire and quietly padded upstairs, carrying a candle. My shoes were on the h
earth, still drying out from the snow, but I'd have left them off anyway.
On the landing I went left instead of right and paused outside Mother's door
 to listen. She was asleep. My hand dropped lightly on the handle and pushed
, and I slipped inside.
In all her time here, I'd never been in her room. I'd never had an interest
in seeing it since she'd moved back with us, nor had she ever invited her ch
ildren to visit. Only Mrs. Hardinbrook had been welcomed here, and Beldon, w
hen a doctor was needed. It had all the usual furnishings, including a very
large mirror. I could ignore that for now.
She was buried under a thick layer of coverlets, the sheets made comfortab
le when one of the maids had passed a bed warmer between them earlier. Mot
her lay on her back, her
carefully dressed hair wrapped up for protection against disarray in her slee
p. Her face was thick with powder and paint, the feeble tools used to retain
some ghost of her former beauty. She looked like a ghost, a very still one, w
ith its mouth slightly open.
My throat was tinder dry and I knew I was afraid. I could back out even no
w and no one would be the wiser.
Mother grumbled uneasily and turned a little. The lines on her face that sh
ould have been smoothed by sleep deepened into a scowl. If she dreamed, the
n it was an uneasy one.
Elizabeth was right, there was hatred in this woman, but was it enough to i
nspire her to poison a husband she had ceased to love decades ago? The more
 I looked at her the more likely it seemed. And the more pressing my need t
o do something about it.
I glided to a bedside table and lighted the candle there from the one in my
hand. The room had been too dark for what I needed to do. I found another ca
ndle and brought it over. Their three lights still seemed too feeble, that,
or my fear was making them so. It was that skewed perception again.
Unhappily giving in to it, I turned up one more candle, just to be sure. Plent
y of light now, no chance for failure . . . unless someone walking past in the
 hall noticed the golden gleam escaping under the door and . . .
No. None of that. I'd hear anyone walking past first. With my hearing, I'd kn
ow when they first set foot to floor from their beds.
Get on with it.
I had to work my mouth a bit to get enough spit in it to talk. Then I wavere
d and cursed myself for my hesitation.
Taking a deep breath, I leaned over Mother and gently shook her shoulder.
It felt strange to touch her. She never encouraged it. The last time I'd t
ouched her had been at my homecoming from England. It had been a very perf
unctory embrace, no more than what was needed for show. After that, nothin
g.
I expected iron, or something equally hard and cold, but this shoulder was
soft and flaccid under my fingers and I drew them back as soon as she stirr
ed. She mumbled and shifted.
"Wake up," I whispered. I could barely hear myself.
Have to do better than this.
I shook her again, more firmly. "Wake up, now."
Her mumbie turned into a whimper. I worried that she might have taken one
of Beldon's sleeping draughts. Damnation if she had.
"Wake up!" A more fierce whisper.
"No," she moaned, drawing it out into a near whine. "No, Papa."
"Come on." I shook her again, trying to break her from her dream.
"Please, no, Papa. Don't."
"Mother .. . wake up!"
Her eyes flew wide and she gasped and shrank from me. I hadn't known what
 to expect when I woke her, but not this. Not this kind of shock, not thi
s kind of naked fear. My God, what had she been dreaming about?
"What?" The last shreds of sleep tore away from her puffy eyes. They sharp
ened, cutting into me. "What are you doing here?"
Such was the force of her question and my ingrained habit of obedience that
 I nearly wasted time answering her. But I caught myself and said, "Quiet.
You will be quiet, Mother."
Our eyes were locked together. That was what was important.
"You—"
"Quiet. . . and listen to me. You will listen to me ..."
The fear, anger, hatred, outrage—whatever it was that drove her—eased instan
tly. It was frightening to see just how swiftly the change came over her, al
most like one of her fits, but reversed.
No wonder Father had thought of this acquired talent of mine as both a gift
and a curse and had asked me to use it sparingly, and so I had. For the most
 part. Nora had used it often enough to protect herself, letting her conscie
nce guide her, and I'd taken that as a wise example to follow. Bullying Nash
 into a more compassionate behavior did not seem to be an abuse of power, af
ter all, but what I was about to try now might be thought...
No. I would not start worrying about what people might think. Do that, and
I'd end up like Mother.
I'd once agreed with Father that to enforce my will and thoughts upon others
 was not only ungentlemanly, but dishonorable. It had seemed so simple then
to do so. The right thing. One of the first ideas to occur to him was that I
 might
be tempted to influence Mother into better behavior, and I'd all but given h
im my word that I would take no such action. Now as I stood here and stared
down at her empty eyes I felt shamed over having to betray his trust.
But what I was doing was right. It had to be right.
The agreement we'd made so easily last summer did not cover this threat, had
never even considered it. I wasn't doing this for any other reason than to pr
otect him, but then I wasn't planning to tell him about it, either. Out of co
nsiderations of honor, he might forbid me to do anything.
Damnation, again. I was becoming like Mother: for I was doing this for Fat
her's own good, without his permission.
So be it, I thought wearily. For peace in the family and out of love for my fat
her, so be it.
I straightened, resumed looking into Mother's eyes, and began to speak.
Days—and nights—passed and nothing happened, thank God. Responding unk
nowingly to my influence, Mother did what was asked of her, which was
to do nothing.
I'd kept it to the absolute minimum, making the brief and simple request tha
t she should not attempt to hurt or harm Father ever again. Once assured tha
t she understood completely, I suggested that she forget my intrusion, but n
ot her promise, and to go to back to sleep. After a moment, when I stopped f
eeling so unsettled, I put out the candles, carefully returned them to where
 I'd found them, picked up the one I'd brought, and left.
Without, the hall, rooms, the whole house had been as silent after as before.
 A listening silence, said my guilty fancy, but I was safe enough from discov
ery.
Depending on one's conscience, guilt can be eased by the passage of time, an
d to my surprise, I found my conscience to be rather more flexible than I'd
thought—at least in this matter. As one night succeeded another without furt
her incident, I began to see that what I'd done had been the right action to
 take. The only drawback was not being able to speak of it to the others.
It would have helped them to know that their worries were over, but it seemed
 best to let things run on as usual. Not that I was indifferent to their conc
ern; I offered reassurance when it was needed, but kept my mouth shut the res
t of the
time. After a while, life gradually relaxed back to normal. Or something c
lose to it. Father resumed taking tea with us and ceased looking so dubiou
s when presented with his evening meal. Elizabeth, distracted by Norwood,
left off drifting along in Mother's wake whenever the woman left a room al
one. Jericho and Archimedes stopped their searches for laudanum, though th
ey continued to keep a sharp eye on Mother during any gatherings with food
 or drink.
Beldon remained watchful, though. Frustrated perhaps by Father forbidding
him to ask questions, he'd continued to keep an eye on Mother as much as h
e could.
"I feel badly about this, Mr. Barrett," he confided to me one night not long
after. "My carelessness was inexcusable. It shall not be repeated."
"Hardly your fault, sir. How could you have known? Or even anticipated?"
"But I should have." He touched the pocket where he kept the new keys to
 his medicine box and room. "Nevermore."
"Then surely there's no reason to feel bad."
He offered me a bleak look. "There is should your Mother decide to make a
nother attempt, by another means."
I retained my serious face. "What is open to her, then?"
"There are a number of hunting arms in the house, some pistols, and you know
 that Lord James has quite a little collection of his own."
"You hardly need worry over that. Mother knows nothing about the loading o
r shooting of firearms. You have to know what you're doing to get them to
work properly, and she doesn't."
That brought him a measure of solace, for it was entirely true. We had the
 arms and powder and shot at hand and ready to use because of the roughnes
s of the times. With rebel raiders threatening to swoop upon us ready to c
ommit common robbery under the thin guise of patriotism, Father had taken
pains to augment his cache of guns over the months. However, it was imprac
tical to leave them lying around loaded, as the powder might become too da
mp to fire. He did make certain that everyone in the house from Elizabeth
to the scullery boy knew how to load and shoot, though. Everyone but Mothe
r, who claimed to despise the noise and mess, and did her best to make a v
irtue of her willful ignorance. I think she may have regretted her attitud
e, for Lady Caroline turned out to be a most
enthusiastic shootist, setting a good example for the rest of the ladies to foll
ow.
"What other means of mayhem might she turn to?" I asked Beldon.
"A push down the stairs?" he hazarded, then shrugged sheepishly. "I know,
I'm probably worried over nothing, but I am very fond of your family and s
hould bitterly regret any harm that might come to them. Your father was un
commonly generous in taking my sister and me in and allowing us to stay."
That, of course, had been Mother's idea, for this was her house, not Father
's, but in truth, Father had come to welcome their company, Mrs. Hardinbroo
k as a buffer against Mother, and Beldon as a physician . . . and friend. I
 was reluctant to admit that, unwilling to relinquish my first impression o
f the man: that of a self-serving toad-eater. But though he often fell into
 that habit, especially around people like Norwood, he'd ceased to do so wi
th our family. Perhaps some of our own honesty with one another (with the e
xception of Mother) had made a favorable impression upon him.
"We're all grateful for your presence, Doctor, and for your concern, but thi
ngs are well in hand now."
He looked skeptical.
"I don't mean that we should not be vigilant to potential trouble, but I th
ink things are safe enough that we may be at ease most of the time." There,
 that was as much as I would tell anyone and much more than I'd wanted. Fat
her and Elizabeth would certainly have been able to discern what was behind
 my words and to correctly guess what I'd done to be filled with such confi
dence. Beldon, though, did not. From his wan smile I got the impression he
was putting it down to youthful optimism. I hoped he would choose not to qu
ote me before others. That might prove to be rather awkward.
But this night, like the last few, was quiet. The usual game of cards went
on; they might have had enough for a second table of play, but I had no des
ire to join them and Norwood was gone. Some business in Hempstead claimed h
is attention and he'd left at dawn that morning. Poor Elizabeth had had a d
ull time of it waiting for him, or so I gathered when she greeted me earlie
r. Now she poked glumly at the keys of the spinet, her eyes starting up eve
ry time she fancied hearing a noise that might be the announcement of his a
rri-.val home.
Lady Caroline was busy with some delicate needlework, and Anne was reading
another of Shakespeare's works. They sat on either side of the table, close
 enough to share the candlelight. The flames lent a golden tone to their hi
gh-dressed and powdered hair that was soothing to behold. I had a book of m
y own, but my attention kept wandering from it to them, particularly Anne.
Her brow was deeply furrowed in concentration, but it was not unattractive
on her. I quite liked the effect, as it gave a more serious air to her pret
ty, but usually blank face.
Then she must have sensed me watching her. She looked up to meet my eyes. I
smiled politely and got one in return. She tried to continue reading, but I'
d spoiled it for her. After a few more efforts, she gave up and smiled at me
 again.
Well-a-day. I'd seen that expression more than once on others and recognized
it, or thought I did. The question to face now was what to do about it. Posse
ssing a healthy portion of curiosity, I decided to find out if I was mistaken
. I nodded back to her with a friendly expression. Hers was also friendly . .
 . and maybe a bit more.
She quietly folded her book and left the room in such a way as to bring no not
ice to herself. That usually requires either talent or raw instinct to do well
, and Anne apparently possessed both those qualities. As she passed me, I got
another look from her. No, I had not been at all mistaken, so after an interva
l, I followed. I wasn't sure about my ability to be as quiet as she, but I tri
ed.
She was in the parlor. The fire was out and the only light came from the singl
e candle she'd taken with her. She put it on a table.
"Hallo," I said.
Anne briefly pulled her lips into a thin line, then said, "You seem to like me.
"
"Yes, I suppose I do."
"As a cousin, or as something more?"
"Ahh . . . well. . ."
"Is that why you were looking at me? Were you trying to decide?"
I laughed a little. "Maybe I was. I'm sorry if I've given you any offense."
She shook her head. "I'm not offended, but I am curious."
What a coincidence.
"I know we are blood cousins, but I ... think you're very handsome . . . and k
ind."
"Thank you. I think you're very pretty and sweet."
She swallowed. "That's good."
I moved fractionally closer. "Perhaps it's just that we're both curious."
"Yes, I'm sure of it. But I..." Now she looked rather helpless and lost. Was
 she standing on the edge of that cliff Elizabeth had spoken about? What lay
 below, a soft landing or something painful?
"Do you think you might be in love?"
Her lips thinned again as she bit the lower one. "1 don't know what answer t
o give you."
"What answer do you give yourself?"
"That I'm not."
"But you're still curious?"
"Yes."
"Then perhaps we should simply attempt to satisfy our mutual curiosity and le
ave it at that."
She thought it over and her face lightened. "What shall we do?"
"Yes, well, there are any number of things that may be tried."
"I'd like to kiss you."
"That's a good start."
"But I don't know how. You won't laugh at me, will you?"
"My word of honor," I said solemnly, which seemed to give her some comfort.
 And I was not playing with her, for I knew just how difficult and frighten
ing total inexperience can be.
She straightened and composed herself. "Will you show me?"
Now I had a moment of difficulty, not from inexperience, but from the respo
nsibility I was about to take on. I vividly recalled how Nora had been awar
e of it for herself. With her example in mind, I knew then that I wanted An
ne's first kiss to be just as happy a memory as mine was.
"All right. Stand close."
She did so.
"Relax a bit." I placed my hands lightly on either side of her face, then bent
a little and kissed her, just like that. Softly. Gently. "There now," I whisper
ed. "It's very easy. Want to try another?"
"Mm-mmm."
I took that to mean that she did and so obliged her, taking more time. She s
eemed to enjoy it, but had a puzzled look when I pulled away.
"Is that all there is? Not that "it wasn't nice, but I thought—"
"Actually, yes, there is more. Quite a lot."
"Oh, that's good. Will you show me that as well?"
"If you wish, but not everything. Don't want to overdo it the first time out,
y'know."
I put my arms around her and she followed suit. She was on the small side,
but we managed to put our lips together again. I slowly opened mine and aft
er a pause she did the same, catching her breath as I tried a more intimate
 touch with my tongue. That woke her up.
"Oh, dear," she gasped when I paused.
I didn't ask whether she liked it or not; it was obvious that she did, but had
only been surprised.
"Does everyone do it like this?"
"Perhaps not as well," I answered, eschewing modesty. I felt there was no nee
d for such. Nora had, after all, been an excellent teacher.
"Again, please?"
Explorations proceeded on both sides. Her breath came faster and deeper an
d I could feel her heart pounding throughout her whole body. I was subject
 to some extremely pleasant reactions of my own, the most noticeable of wh
ich forced me to draw away before she discovered anything odd about my mou
th. I began kissing her cheeks, forehead, temples, ears, and finally dropp
ed as far as her throat.
And there ... I had to reluctantly stop. My corner teeth were out and I was m
ore than ready to put them to use, but that wouldn't have been right. Not for
 either of us.
"Are you—are you finished?" she asked shakily.
"I think it might be a good idea to leave off here," I murmured somewhat ind
istinctly.
"Do other people not continue ... to other things?"
"Yes, but I'm not prepared to do so. That is for another person to do."
"Who?"
"The man you'll fall in love with someday."
"What if I changed my mind? What if I'm in love with you?"
"That would make me a most fortunate fellow, but you're not."
"How do you know?" "I just do."
Her hands fluttered over her lips, paused at her breast an instant, and then
 clasped one another determinedly. She breathed in and out once. "Then what
am I feeling?"
"The normal kind of lust that is often generated by bit of healthy kissing."
"Lust?" "Yes."
"That's a bad thing, though. Isn't it?" "You do have to be careful around it,
 but under the right circumstances it can be very good indeed." "And these ar
en't the right circumstances?" "And I'm not the right person." "You're sure?"
 "I'm afraid so."
Her eyes were sharp and guarded. "How do you know that?"
"Because if it were otherwise, you and I would be feeling far more than just
curiosity for ourselves." She thought that over for a time. "Or lust?" "Exact
ly."
More thought. Her hands unclasped. She took one of mine and went on tiptoe
. I leaned down once more and we kissed once more. Rather chastely. She wa
s smiling afterward. "Well... Cousin, if and when I should fall in love wi
th a man, thanks to you, I shall be better prepared to deal with him." "I'
m happy to have been of assistance." "But he will have to be someone very
exceptional, I think." I bowed gravely. "You are most kind, Cousin." Her e
yes were playful again. "Do you still like me?" "More than ever."
"But not enough to be that person?" "No. You see, I've ... been in love . . .
still am in love." "Who is she?" "It doesn't matter." "Why don't you marry her
?" "I really couldn't explain." "And I am prying too much," she concluded. "No
t at all, I'd just rather not speak of it."
That should have put an end to things, but she made no move to leave. "I don'
t feel like going back to the others yet," she said shyly.
"Neither do I. Would you like to sit and talk awhile?"
For an answer she glided to one of the chairs, sat, and smiled up at me. "Ab
out what?"
For anyone else it might have been affectation, but Anne was blessedly free
of such encumbrances. I laughed a little and decided that I liked her very m
uch indeed. There was not any great depth to her yet, but she was quite char
ming in her own way. Innocence has its own strong appeal, either for corrupt
ion or for appreciation. I had a mind to be appreciative.
I took a chair opposite her. "Whatever comes to mind. How do you like livin
g here, for instance?"
"Oh, it's very grand. Much better than Philadelphia. If Cousin Roger knew h
ow nice it was here, he'd have forgotten his politics and come along with u
s. Your mother has been most generous to take us all in as she has."
That was almost what Beldon had said, although he'd ascribed the generosit
y to Father. The similarity was enough to start a line of thought for me.
Questions that had hovered half-formed on the edges of my mind now bloomed
 forth.
"What do you think of Mother?"
Her brow creased once more. "She's a very great lady, but... nervous, I belie
ve."
The memory of her first night here and the altercation between Mother and
Elizabeth must have been before her. Like Beldon, she leaned on the side o
f diplomacy over honesty.
"Yes, she is very nervous," I agreed, hoping to make her comfortable. "I th
ink you understand that I don't know her very well. She lived away from hom
e for most of my life, y'see."
"That's very sad, I'm sure."
A blessing, more like, I thought. "And because of her nervous temperament,
she's not very easy to get to know. I thought that you might be able to tel
l me more about her."
"I could try." She did not betray any great enthusiasm for that pursuit.
"Was Mother very nervous when she lived in Philadelphia?"
"Not that I noticed."
Probably not. Without her family there to bother her and— family—those
odd things she'd mumbled when I'd awakened
her .. . "What do you know about her as a girl?"
"Before she married, you mean? Oh, hardly anything. She often speaks proudly
 of her father, Judge Fonteyn, and shares news about her sister in England,
but that's all. It's rather odd, to think on it. Most people like to tell st
ories about themselves now and then, things that happened when they were you
ng, but.. ."
"Mother never does?" With her mention of it, I knew this to be true. In her t
ime with us she'd been strangely reticent about her past.
"Yes. One would think that she never had been a young girl."
"I wonder why she is so silent. Did your father ever speak of his brother?"
 If I could get no information about my mother, then I'd settle for knowled
ge of my grandfather, though trying to find it out via my granduncle's daug
hter seemed a rather roundabout way of accomplishing it.
"He talked about his life at school, the little adventures he had there, but
 he never spoke about his home life—how odd."
"Perhaps life was very hard for them."
"Oh, but the Fonteyns are very rich."
"I meant that—"
"Oh, I see, that they might have had a strict upbringing? Yes . .. now that
you call it to mind, I remember Father saying he was glad to leave home and
go to school, which made him very different from the other little boys." She
 gave a sudden little shiver.
"So he never talked about his oldest brother?"
"No . . ."
"What, then?"
She shrugged, using her hands. "I'm not sure, but I got the impression that Fa
ther didn't like him much. His own brother. It's horrid, isn't it?"
"Very." But not too surprising. My father also didn't like the man, and fro
m the scarce information he'd shared about him, I would have probably follo
wed his suit. My grandfather had been a most disagreeable fellow, according
 to Father, a foul-tempered tyrant subject to fits of rage, which would cer
tainly account for Mother's behavior toward us, since she seemed to have ta
ken that as a proper example of how to treat one's family. That was what El
izabeth and I had come to call "the
Fonteyn blood" and regard with dread lest we succumb to it ourselves.
But it did not explain why Mother had been afraid in her dream, the one I'd
 interrupted when I'd gone to see her that night. She'd been pleading like
a frightened child. Her voice might well have been a child's voice, and I w
as forced to admit to myself that it had shaken me to hear it. At the time
I'd been too preoccupied with what I'd been doing, but later that voice had
 come to haunt and worry me. And instead of looking upon Mother with my usu
al unhappy tolerance, I'd allowed a small piece of compassion to enter into
 my regard of her. It made her seem less of a barely controlled monster and
 more like . . . what? A lost and wounded child? Dear God, I could understa
nd that, having been there myself. Perhaps Father was not the one in the fa
mily with the blind spot.
"Was your father a strict man?" I asked almost absently, for the silence ha
d stretched long between us. I needed fresh conversation between me and my
thoughts.
Anne smiled. "Mother sometimes accused him of not being strict enough."
"He was a loving man, then."
The smile thinned and faded altogether. "No, not really. He cared for me, but
I..."
"If this is painful for you—"
"No, really, I've just never thought of it before. I see it now. He never al
lowed himself to get close to anyone. How sad. I wonder why?"
"He may not have known how. Or been afraid to try."
"Father afraid?" She shook her head, then spread her hands, smoothly retreat
ing into her most common defense against the harshness of life. "It's all to
o confusing for me."
Or too close to the heart. "Quite so. Besides, I was trying to learn about my
 mother."
"And I haven't been of much help."
"But you have . . . and I'm grateful for it."
Anne and I made an amicable parting and I trotted up to my room only to co
me down again soon after, garbed for the outdoors. I passed Jericho in the
 hall and told him I was going to take the air. He nodded, reminded me to
put on some gloves, and resumed whatever errand I'd interrupted.
Gloves . . . yes, in the pocket of my cloak as usual. With my indifference t
o the cold weather, I sometimes forgot them.
A spare handkerchief was there as well, wrapped around two lumps of sugar
. Good. Jericho was uncommonly efficient in anticipating my needs. I was
hungry tonight and would find those items very useful.
I let myself out by the side door as usual and trudged over my own footprin
ts toward the stables. The wind was high and the ground hard from the cold.
 My boots crunched and cracked against the frozen mud and snow. I paused ou
tside the far end of the building away from the house and glanced around to
 be sure no one was watching, then vanished and pushed my way through the w
all to get in. It was strange to feel the texture of the barrier, but not t
he solidity as I flowed through the minute cracks in the boards like so muc
h water. Not exactly unpleasant, but not really enjoyable either. Using the
 door would have been better, but not as quiet. When on this business, I wa
nted to be very quiet indeed.
AH was dim and dark within when I reassumed my form. Bereft of any outside
light, my eyes were no better than anyone else's now, but I knew the way. A
head on my right were the stalls, and one or two of their occupants sensed
my presence and stirred slightly, dark shapes against a dark background. Th
e familiar scents of horse, straw, and manure filled my head. I felt my way
 toward the first stall, then passed the second, and on to the third. Thoug
h the great animals could easily part with a sizable quantity of blood befo
re feeling it—more than I could drink in one night—I took care not to feed
from any single one more than once in a week. Since we had a number of hors
es and I needed to sup only every other night or so, their health remained
blessedly robust.
My eyes had adjusted somewhat to the dark, and I found that Desdemona was i
n this stall. She turned her head 'round to get a better look at me. Like t
he others, she'd come to associate my late visits with some form of reward
and may have already smelled out the sugar in my pocket. I decided to leave
 her alone, though, as she would be foaling in the spring. We'd mated her t
o Roily and had high hopes for what was to come, and it seemed best not to
require any more from her than to continue to quietly gestate, undisturbed
by my hunger.
She gave a decidedly human-sounding snort of disgust when I moved to the ne
xt stall and began patting down Belle, who happily consumed the sugar and s
tood rock-still while I fed from her. As always, the taste was rich with li
fe and entirely
good to me. I had all but forgotten what other, more solid— more normal—fo
od had been like. I did know that it had never imparted such a feeling of
completion to me as the blood did now.
The second lump of sugar followed the first and I wiped my mouth clean with
 the handkerchief. Within my body I felt the red warmth flush throughout my
 vitals and spread to my limbs. It was like feeling summer sun soaking my s
oul from the inside out. No yearning existed in me to see that fiery orb ag
ain. There was no need to; I carried it in my veins.
I quit the stables by the same path and set out once more into the night.
The wind was a nuisance, but not unbearable, and the walking itself would k
eep me warm should the cold finally overcome my resistance to it. I pulled
my cloak close and marched down the lane to the main road. Once I was out o
f sight from the house, though, I grew too impatient to stay on my feet and
 so took to the air.
It was hard going with the wind against me, but I relished the struggle. At l
east it was something simple and straightforward. I made most of the trip bli
nd or half blind, being unable to retain much solidity as I moved low over th
e ground, but it was a familiar trip and did not take long. Just before reach
ing the first buildings of Glenbriar, I went solid again and walked the rest
of the way.
As I'd expected, there were lights showing at The Oak. Freezing and windy or
 no, the soldiers here would not be kept from their drink, nor the locals, e
ither. Some horses harnessed to a wagon were tethered outside, huddling mise
rably together and unable to put their backs to the wind. If the riders were
 too drunk and irresponsible to take care of their mounts, then I'd have to
have a word with the landlord about them. No sense in letting the beasts suf
fer for their master's lack of concern.
I pushed through the door and called a general greeting to the company with
in. It was a mixed lot, uniforms, homespun, and fair to fine tailoring, eac
h in their own groups, though there was some tentative mixing. One of the H
essian officers who had rather good English was holding forth about his war
 experiences to a spellbound crew. He could tell a good tale; I'd listened
to enough of them myself on previous visits. His name was Eichelburger, and
 he'd been of great help to me in improving my knowledge of German. I waved
 over their
heads to him and got a wave in return, all without interrupting his narration.

Mr. Fair had by now long adjusted himself to my return and came over to off
er a glad greeting. His acceptance of me may have been tempered by my free-
spending habits. I always bought an ale for myself and hardly ever failed t
o invite a few others to join me. Surrounded by a crowd, I could more easil
y get away with not drinking it, and if I wanted to empty my tankard, all I
 had to do was leave it unwatched for a moment by Noddy Milverton and he'd
swiftly dispatch it for me. Not that we'd made any arrangements; Noddy just
 had an insatiable thirst and not much money. He was a bit simple, so few o
f his victims objected, least of all myself.
"There's some horses out front that are feeling the weather," I told Farr.
"I'll have someone see to 'em," he said, and signed to one of his pot boys.
As it was so common an occurrence, no further instructions were needed; the
lad nodded and went out. "They always come in for just a moment, then stay a
ll night. Thankee for tellin'."
"Any news?" Again, there was no need to be detailed, as there was only one
 kind of news anyone was interested in.
He shook his head. "Soldiers all gone to ground for the winter. All's been qu
iet as far as I know, and I'm pleased for it to stay that way. The Suffolk Co
unty lads 'ave been restive, though. Stole some sheep t'other day."
"I s'pects we knows what they stole 'em /or!" put in the ribald and unrepenta
nt Mr. Thayer. He was in his usual corner, puffing on his pipe. I wondered if
 he had grown roots to that chair yet.
"Now, now, sir," cautioned Farr, but he was chuckling, too. "Any more thieve
s from Connecticut?" I asked. Farr shrugged. "Not in my hearing. There's ple
nty of tales if you want to hear 'em, but nothing I'd put my trust in. I've
heard talk from the soldiers that the whaleboat boys sometimes shelter in Su
ffolk, but it don't seem too sensible. The rebels in Suffolk are more like t
o thieve for themselves, not be sharin' the pickin's with others. Same goes
for Connecticut." "And either way honest, loyal folk take the loss." "Some o
f 'em, but not all. Gunsmiths 'ave been busy. Nothing like a few musket ball
s for helping a rebel to change his mind about taking your livestock."
I could appreciate that well enough. It was reassuring to know that things h
ad been quiet elsewhere. The weather had been none too good lately, either f
ull of wind or sleet or snow or a combination of the three. Hardly encouragi
ng to an enterprising thief looking for booty. We'd all learned to dread qui
et nights, especially when there was little or no moon.
We talked a bit more, and others joined in or moved off. Noddy took care
of two other tankards besides my own, all without being noticed. I said g
ood evening and made my way out. Mr. Thayer's seamed face cracked as he g
ave me a comically broad wink. He was used to seeing me leaving early, an
d his long experience told him why.
"Gi' my regards to Molly Audy, will ye?" he bellowed across the room. This r
aised a tidal rush of laughter that swept me right outside. I wasn't so soph
isticated yet that I couldn't blush, but I may have escaped into the dark be
fore anyone saw it.
Most of the villagers were indoors and either in bed or getting ready for i
t; of course, that meant something different to a woman like Molly. Going t
o bed and going to sleep were often mutually exclusive, depending on the su
ccess of her business. She was apparently doing well enough tonight. Lights
 were burning in her front room and bedroom. I quietly let myself in the do
or to wait until she was finished with this other customer. There were some
 interesting sounds issuing from beyond the closed door in the back, but I
could not judge just how far along they were to concluding things.
Hat in hand, I paced a little. Friendly curiosity aside, my experience with
 Cousin Anne had provided me with sufficient inspiration to want to carry w
hat she'd initiated forward to a more satisfactory conclusion. Further insp
iration was this time provided by the noise Molly and her friend were makin
g, and I was growing naturally impatient for my turn to come. After what se
emed like an indecently lengthy interval, the bed and its occupants finally
 made their last groans together. The voices resumed normal speech, Molly m
urmuring admiration and the man making similar responses.
Oh, dear. Sudden recognition of the man's voice flooded me. My mouth went
dry as sand. All the enthusiasm that had been building in me abruptly fled
. Molly's customer. . . damnation.
Flat-footed as I was with surprise, I had enough time to recover and comple
tely vanish before they emerged. I stayed that way until he was well and tr
uly gone and even then waited long before returning.
Molly had gone back to the bedroom again and so I found myself alone in her "
parlor" where she conducted her sewing business during the day. Bits of fabri
c, thread, and pins littered the place, adding a legitimacy to this half of h
er livelihood; as for the other half.. .
Well, she was the favorite of some of the more moneyed gentlemen of the vill
age, so I needn't have been so startled by this latest visitor. The way thin
gs were, especially in the more civilized parts of the world, it was fairly
common for a man to seek a degree of physical satisfaction with any lady who
 might take his fancy. Whether she was his mistress or a paid prostitute dep
ended on his situation in life and the depth of his pockets.
But in this case I was so deeply disturbed because this particular fellow was
 paying suit to my dearly beloved sister.
Visions of rushing after Lord James Norwood and demanding an explanation o
r wrenching a promise from him to cease and desist clouded my eyes. Other
visions also intruded, including a rather tempting one of caning him to wi
thin an inch of his life. Oh, but that would have brought such a lovely an
d wicked fulfillment to my baser nature: to thump him about the shoulders
and finally smash his handsome face to a pulp for this insult to Elizabeth
. How dare he pay honorable court to her one day and then—literally—pay ou
t to Molly the next?
He'd be on the road back to the house for certain, easy enough for me to find
 him and then provide him a very solid lesson in polite behavior toward one's
 ...
Damnation.
Elizabeth.
My anger leached from my heart as I thought of her. Certainly I could think o
f ways to deal with the man, but that would hardly change his status in her e
yes. In fact, if he turned up in a less than perfect condition, it would cert
ainly bring about a great flow of sympathy from Elizabeth. And if she demande
d why I'd misused the fellow so, then I'd have to tell her the extremely pain
ful truth and . . .
Damnation. Again:
Of course, Norwood was perfectly within his right to do what he liked. He a
nd Elizabeth were not really engaged, after all, but this discovery was a s
ingularly unpleasant one for me, made the more so because I didn't know wha
t to do about it.
Several questions began to tumble through my mind as I wondered if he still
 planned to pursue his courtship of my sister. If so, and they were married
, would he continue to improve the trade for women like Molly? That was eno
ugh to set my jaw to grinding and turn my hands into destructive fists.
If he caused Elizabeth the least unhappiness, by God, he would answer to m
e.
Molly emerged, saw me, gasped, and gave a jump. "Goodness, Johnny boy! I
 never heard you coming in. Why didn't you call out?"
I was almost as surprised as she, so involved was I in my speculations. Shov
ing them forcibly to one side, I pasted what I hoped to be a pleasing expres
sion over my true feelings and went to kiss her hand. "I'm sorry, but I didn
't want to disturb you if you had company."
"Oh, my company's been and gone. I was just starting to feel lonesome aga
in. Glad I am that you happened by." She wriggled into my arms and made a
 good-natured inquiry on whether I planned to stay awhile.
"For as long as you'll have me," I replied.
"Then that depends on how long you plan to have me," she returned. "It's b
een much too long since I've seen you. Whatever have you been doing with y
ourself? Or is that it? Have you been doing it with yourself?" She ground
her body against mine in a delightfully suggestive way.
"Never," I said with utter sincerity. Since my change, that was one form of
 carnal pleasure denied to me. But though my body's expression had altered,
 the appetite for it remained, and so Molly and I did share company fairly
often. I had an idea that my maternal grandfather would have been rolling i
n his grave if he knew where a fraction of my inheritance from him had ende
d up over the last few months. That idea added a certain. .. piquant flavor
 to my frequent beddings with Molly.
The memory of Cousin Anne's curiosity reasserted itself and combined with
 the actuality of Molly; I found myself easily sweeping the latter up for
 a sound kissing. Her laughter— somewhat smothered by my lips—was genuine
 and I was
once more pleased to realize that I was certainly her favorite customer. Wh
at matter to her if I kept my breeches up and drank her blood? She seemed n
ot to mind those differences, but relished them as much as I, since it neve
r failed to impress a lengthy and highly satisfying climax upon her. So whe
n it came down to it, I was essentially paying her to have a good time. She
'd once joked about paying me, but I never took her up on it. Thanks to Gra
ndfather Fonteyn, I could afford to be generous.
She finally pushed me away, puffing for air. "This is lovely, Johnny boy, but
 it's drafty out here. Wouldn't you like to find a warmer place to finish thi
ngs?"
"Indeed, yes."
It didn't take long for us to settle ourselves into her bed. She'd been wear
ing a thick wrapper of some kind and shed it quickly, throwing it atop the c
overlet for extra warmth before diving into the sheets. She had good cause t
o complain of the cold, since the only thing she'd been wearing under the wr
ap were a number of goosebumps. I liked to think that some of them were due
to my actions rather than the chill of the outer room. Perhaps so, as she wa
s most eager and called for me to hurry myself.
I took off my cloak and spread it on the bed as well. My coat and boots went
 on a chair, but I kept the rest of my clothes on, as part of Molly's own pl
easure included a great fondness for unbuttoning things. I slipped into the
sheets with her. They smelled of her. . . and others. It had not bothered me
 before. Which of those musky scents had been left behind by Norwood?
"Was that Lord James I spied leaving here a bit ago?" I asked.
She'd just started to work on my waistcoat. "Mayhap it was, but then lots
of gentlemen come here. You know that."
This, I remembered, was "Molly the Mum" talking. She never gave away name
s or told tales. Any other time I'd have applauded her discretion, but no
t now. "Decent fellow, I hope?"
"Very decent. .. but you're better."
"Tell me about him, Molly."
She finished the last button and paused. "Now, Johnny boy, that wouldn't be
 right. You know I don't gossip about any of my gentlemen. 'S not nice to g
ossip."
"I've a special reason, though."
"What's that?"
"He's courting my sister."
"Lucky girl, then."
"He's likely to marry her, too, so I'm curious—"
"What, you want to know what he's like with me so you can tell your sister?
"
"Ahh, no! I mean, that's not—good God!"
Molly's giggles for my shock finally subsided. "Oh, I do like you, Mr. Barret
t, and I understand why you want to look out for your sister, but I can't jus
t tell tales whenever a gentleman gets curious."
"Perhaps I've not been as liberal with you as I should be..." I dug into a pock
et with some spare coins in it.
She gave a firm shake with her head, eyes briefly shutting while she did so.
"It's not that at all. I have my rules and I stick to 'em." She was being nic
e about it, but her manner indicated she would not be moved on the subject.
But there were ways around this. At least for me.
I looked right into her eyes. There was enough light for it this time. "That'
s very good of you, but I think you can make an exception this time."
And she did. Not that I gave her a choice in the matter. But now that she was
 willing to answer my questions, I wasn't sure what to ask her. Her thought t
hat I might inquire about Norwood's habits in bed struck me as being far too
personal, though I wouldn't deny the temptation was there. No ... I'd let tha
t one go. Better to find something else to talk about.
"Molly, tell me what you think of Lord James." That was the way to do it: a
sk her for an opinion she might have offered anyway if not for her damned r
ules.
"He's a nice enough sort," she intoned, a little flat, slurring her words.
"Do you like him?"
"Well enough."
"Anything bother you about him?"
She made a face. "'E does like to haggle the price. Spends more effort trying t
o save a penny than 'e puts into 'is bedding. Must think I don't 'ave to work '
ard for it, but I do. 'E won't find no better than me for the price. Skinflint.
"
That was interesting. From this I might deduce that Elizabeth need not wor
ry about him squandering her dowry, though too
much thrift can be just as burdensome.
"How does he treat you, Molly?"
"Well enough," she repeated. "'E's nice as it suits 'im. Not as nice as my John
ny boy, but all right."
"Thank you. Do you like him?"
"'E's a nice sort. . ."
"Do you like him?"
Her answer was long in coming. "Not really," she said with some reluctance
.
"Why not?"
She shrugged.
"Then why see him?"
"I need the money, love."
A foolish question, that. Like any person in trade, Molly would have to deal
  with all sorts of customers and be polite no matter what. I could certainly
  admire and respect her dedication to her work. "Think he'll be coming back
to you?"
"S'pose 'e will when 'e's a mind for it."
"Think he'd have a mind for it were he married?"
Another shrug. "Won't be able to tell that 'til it 'appens. Wouldn't be the first
  time, nor the last."
I wasn't about to question her experience there.
Molly woke out of things gradually, unaware of what had happened, ready to
pick up where we'd left off as if no time had passed. My influence on her h
ad put her into an even more receptive mood than before, but my own was con
siderably dampened. I'd fed heavily and had a lot on my mind. It took a bit
  more effort on her part to drag me back to the business at hand, but we ev
entually made a consummation that suited us both. She'd had a long day, tho
ugh, and the extended pleasure my nature provided for us only added to her
exhaustion. She was asleep almost as soon as I pulled my lips away from her
  firm, sweet throat. I dressed quietly, made sure the covers were pulled up
  and tucked about her, put out the candles, and left.
Late. Or early, since it was well past midnight. High clouds obscured the star
s, but I could sense the hour more or less. No need to hurry, but no need to t
arry, either.
The wind was worse than before, very hard, very gusty. Better not to vanish a
nd travel on the air in these conditions. I'd tried often enough before and f
ound myself being carried along out of control, which is a very vile feeling.
  I got my
flapping cloak wrapped tight around me, held my hat in place, and started
down the road leading home.
Miserable stuff, wind. It roars in your ears, deafening you to all other sou
nds. If cold, it cuts through your clothes with more surety than the sharpes
t knife. It buffets the body, stealing your balance, and it makes harmless t
hings like trees and grass seem more alive than they should be. When it's re
ally strong it makes them whisper and laugh to one another, mocking and vind
ictive to all who pass them.
I felt their rancor, or fancied I did, while trudging along. The road was fu
ll of ruts and icy, but it was easier than facing the banks of snow on eithe
r side. There was no point in complaining to myself about any of it, but I d
id so, since it kept my mind off the larger problem of Norwood. I grumbled a
nd mumbled, though my voice was a small and fragile distraction.
Then another sound intruded upon me, at first so faint and uneven that I wasn
't sure I heard anything. It was behind me, that was for certain, the wind sa
w to that. I waited, listening, and finally caught the jingle of bits and the
  crunch of wheels going over the frozen ground. There was a slight bend in th
e road, and soon a wagon came around it into sight.
There were no lanterns showing, which was odd but understandable. As unset
tled as things were in the area, it was a wise course not to draw attentio
n to oneself. I would have— had my eyes been normal—preferred to take a ch
ance and had some light with me in case of trouble.
Though going at a good pace, I thought it might stop long enough for me to g
et a ride to my gate. It would be a poor Christian indeed who would deny so
small a favor to another soul on such a night. I walked a little more, but s
lowly, and let it catch me up.
The driver crouched over his reins, urging his horses forward. He was not m
uch more than a shape to me even as he came closer. He wore a heavy coat an
d his hat was tied to his head by a rag of a scarf, the ends of which snapp
ed in the wind like some tattered banner.
"Hallo!" I called, when he was near enough to see me.
He must have understood what I might ask of him, for he pulled on the reins
.
"Commun over," he called back, when they'd stopped.
I wasted no more time and scrambled up next to him. "Very kind of you, sir.
"
"Aye. M'name's Ash. Who're you?"
"Jonathan Barrett."
"Y'sure o' that?"
I thought it a strange question to ask, but made no comment since he was b
eing kind enough to give me a ride. However, we were not moving yet, as he
  seemed far more concerned with introductions than anything else. "Yes, I'
m quite sure."
"Barrett as lives down the road? This road?"
"Yes—"
His face split in a big grin and he made a sudden move with one hand. Befor
e I knew it the muzzle of a pistol was in it and the business end was shove
d into my belly.
"My God, man, what are you about?" My outrage was genuine. I was too surp
rised to be afraid.
He ignored me. "Now, boys!" he shouted in my face.
When reason fails, instinct takes over, if you're lucky. I ducked blindly,
but a fraction too late. Dark shapes, I don't know how many, erupted up fro
m the back of the wagon, hands reaching for me. One of them caught me by th
e hair and strongly dragged me backward and down. My head cracked far too s
olidly against the wagon seat, and for the first time in months I saw the s
un. It seared right through my skull and out the other side in an instant a
nd was gone, leaving behind the most horrendous pain I'd ever felt in my li
fe. It crowded out all thought, all motion, all sound. Nothing else was in
my world but the hideous, explosive agony clamoring between my ears.
"Ye've killed 'im!" someone cried.
"Nay, 'e's but stunned. Git 'im in so we can go."
Helpless, I felt myself being hauled up into the back of the wagon; at leas
t, that's what I worked out somewhat later. At the moment I was too stunned
 to know what was happening or to care anything about it.
"1 got me a fine new 'at!" one of them sang out.
"Cloak too," added another. "See what's in 'is pockets."
Hands, prodding and rough, made a thorough search of me and grabbed away
prizes, winners crowing in triumph. I didn't

care, didn't have enough awareness to care. I wanted only to scream out from
 the pain, but was too paralyzed to do it.
Ash whipped up the horses. The wagon lurched forward.
If I could have moved, I'd have probably been sick, but nothing was moving,
 nothing at all. I might as well have been a corpse, but being drearily and
 inescapably shackled to my body, I knew I hadn't died.
Not yet.
We rattled quickly over the ruts. I lost track of time, drifting in and out of
 consciousness, perhaps. There was no way to tell, Some things were clear, oth
ers less so. The clear bits hurt.
"Easy now," said Ash. "Hessians quartered in a barn hereabouts, remember?
 Keep 'im quiet."
'"E ain't movin'."
"Good."
Barn? Our barn. We'd passed my gate. I was being carried right away from my
home . . . safety . . . help.
The wagon rumbled on, the men heedless of my silent objections.
Why? The question bobbed up in my mind like a piece of cork. Why had the
y done this to me?
The answer took a bit longer, for I'd faded out again, or sol assumed, since
 I was all too aware of waking up. The pain had dampened enough that I was b
etter able to think, but only in a disjointed sort of way. I understood that
 I'd been attacked and had been robbed and was in the process of being kidna
pped.
Why?
They'd been after me, not just any unlucky traveler on the road, but me.
Wh—
Then I didn't care why, couldn't think why. All I could do was . ..
. . . wake up again, some long time later. How long ... ?
My eyes were open. They'd been shut before. I could blink.
But not much else. Fingers were cold. Couldn't move them. I'd forgotten t
o put on gloves again. Jericho would have something to say about that. No
 matter. The fellows here would have probably stripped them from me by no
w.
Now. What now? What was the time? I tried desperately to read the sky. It s
eemed lighter, but that might have been a normal reflection of the snowy fi
elds on the low clouds. I didn't know the time, which was almost as hard to
 bear as my injury. Maybe they were linked. Whatever clock I had inside
me had been thoroughly shattered when my head struck the wooden bench o
f the wagon.
Head. 1 could have done without the reminder. It ached abominably and I felt
 sick all over again, hot and cold at the same time. There was salty bile po
oling at the back of my mouth, but I couldn't spit it out. Couldn't move yet.
Why .. . hadn't I vanished?
This hurt far worse than getting shot. I should have disappeared at the first s
hock. Were there splinters in my head where I'd... no, it didn't feel like that
. This was different, duller, but no less forceful when it came to discomfort.
I tried to ... vanish.
Nothing.
The effort left me shivering. And sicker than before. Overwhelmingly so. I lo
st track of time again, finding it I don't know how long later when the wagon
 gave an especially sharp jolt. This waking was a little better than the othe
rs. I knew what had happened, but still not why or ...
Where were we?
Couldn't see anything but the sky and skeletal branches now and then when w
e passed under an occasional tree growing by the road. Couldn't tell if we
were even on the same road. If we were, then I was being taken to Suffolk C
ounty. Despite the presence of all the troops, the place was crawling with
rebels, absolutely the last spot on earth one of His Majesty's loyal subjec
ts would want to be. I couldn't think of a worse place, unless it was in th
e middle of General Washington's camp.
Raving. Get hold of yourself.
Not raving. Righteously scared.
Get hold of yourself anyway.
Not being able to move my head yet, I couldn't see much of the others. The f
irst heady feeling of victory had passed and now they were hunched against o
ne another, probably feeling the cold. No one spoke or paid much notice to m
e. Only one face was visible, familiar, but still a stranger. I'd seen him .
 . . at The Oak . . . one of the other patrons. Not that that was much help.
 He continued to ignore me and remained silent. Who were the others? Or did
it matter? Perhaps not. They'd all be strangers to me, or else they'd wouldn
't have had to be so sure of my name before attacking.
Why? What had I done? Why should these strangers... Oh, God.
Now I did become sick. The pool in the back of my mouth filled and thickened
 into a foul mass. My guts were all watery as the realization seized me like
 a giant's hand. A nasty, bubbling sound issued from my throat like a death
rattle. I shut my eyes tight and let the first wave of panic rush over and d
rown my thoughts. Fighting it wouldn't have done any good; better to let the
 body finish with its reactions, then let the mind take charge.
The wave passed. Slowly. It left me weak and worried, but not utterly froze
n with terror. I swallowed and was surprised that the bile went down. And s
tayed there.
Better. I was feeling—very marginally—better. The pain was slightly less c
rippling than before. I could move my fingers; that was something.
I had also, with this small recovery, grown very angry. Instead of the burni
ng heat or frosty chill running over my skin, it was simply warming. Comfort
ing, like the taste of blood.
Blood ... I could smell it. My own, of course. There was a cold patch on m
y head where the skin must have broken and bled when that fool had smashed
 my skull. The blood was cooling and drying in the harsh air. God, they mi
ght have killed me with that blow, though maybe it wasn't as bad as I... n
o. It was bad. Bad enough as I found when I tried to move more than my fin
gers.
"'E's come 'round," said one of the men, having noticed my feeble attempts
to master my body again.
"Just keep 'im quiet," said Ash.
"Drummond got 'im good. Thumped 'is 'ead like a summer melon. 'E ain't goi
n' to make no trouble."
The big fellow closest to me laughed at the compliment. Drummond. He woul
d pay for this, I thought.
"When do we get there?" whined another man from the back.
"Soon, Tully," came the weary reply. From that brief intonation I got the imp
ression that Tully whined rather a lot.
"It's been hours. I'm freezin' sittin' 'ere like this."
"Then get out and walk."
The suggestion was not received very well, but it shut Tully up for the time
being.
Arms. I could shift my arms a little. Legs, too, after a moment of concentrat
ion. Didn't want to try vanishing just yet. Too weak. Better to wait.
As some of the pain receded, other discomforts cried out for attention, lik
e the ride itself. I was on the unprotected wood bottom of the wagon and it
s hard, harsh surface bumped and jolted me with every uneven turn of all fo
ur wheels. No wonder I was so sick. My head was bad enough, but combine tha
t with the motion of our travel. . . ugh.
I gulped again and tried to think of something else.
Like the cold. Apart with the other discomforts, I was finally beginning t
o feel its bite. Even the warmth derived from my anger wasn't up to fighti
ng it off now. The damnable wind clawed at my exposed skin and seeped bene
ath all my clothes. 1 wanted my heavy cloak back. Which one of the bastard
s had taken it? Couldn't see him from this angle.
I silently cursed them and prayed to God for an ending to our journey. The
answer came surprisingly soon when Ash turned the horses off to the left. T
he clouds spun over me and my stomach objected until I shut my eyes. The ro
ad became much worse than before and I had to hold my teeth hard together t
o keep from crying out at the change. Pity I couldn't have slept through it
 all; I wouldn't have minded missing this part.
We creaked to a halt and the men stiffly crawled from the back of the wagon.
 I had another instant of panic, thinking they'd leave me to die out in the
cold until someone grabbed my ankles and pulled. All in all, I'd have prefer
red freezing to death. I was just able to lift my head to spare it from scra
ping over the worn boards, but that was the extent of my control. The same h
ands that had thrown me in now carried me out, this time with much grunting
and complaint.
I briefly saw the walls of a poor-looking house, then we squeezed through a
 door and there was some general activity as they sorted and settled themse
lves. A big grumbling man was sent to take care of the horses and wagon. I
was hauled over to a rough bed and dropped into it. The mattress was sparse
ly stuffed and so thin that I felt the supporting rope lattice beneath. My
captors would get no objections from me; it was heavenly compared to the wa
gon. I was out of the wind and though the house was cold, it was not numbin
g.
A wretched place it was, to be sure. It seemed to have but one room and the
fireplace could have been larger. Tully
was busy there with a tinderbox, muttering to himself while another man off
ered unwanted suggestions. A table teetered in the middle of the dusty floo
r, surrounded by a long bench and some crude chairs. Those things and the b
ed were the only furnishings. The walls were stripped of any decoration or
tools, indication that no one actually lived here. My guess was that these
men had simply found the place and taken it over.
Ash had been more successful with his tinderbox and had lighted two lamps.
He brought one over to have a better look at me. I took the opportunity to
have a better look at him. I'd want to remember his face, all their faces.
His was hardened by both the weather and a difficult life and possibly an e
ven more difficult temperament. He grinned down at me with an evil satisfac
tion that might have been comical but for the grimness of my situation. I d
id not find him remotely amusing.
"'E's a soft'un, I'll warrant. Ye din't 'ave to crack 'im so 'ard, Drummond. We
 coulda tied 'im up wi' a piece o' string V led 'im 'ere like a lamb."
"Hah!" said Drummond.
"Pasty-faced Tory bastard," Ash went on. "'E's soft as a slug from 'igh livin' on
'is pap's gold, that 'n' all 'is drinkin' 'n' whorin'."
"Where am I?" I asked, wishing to change the subject. My voice was thin, lit
tle more than a whisper. A stranger's voice. The fear that I'd managed to sh
ove away for a time began to seep back at this lack of recognition for mysel
f. I tried to pretend it wasn't there and concentrated on gaining useful kno
wledge.
"Yer with us, that's a' you needs t' know."
"Must still be in Nassau County," I remarked faintly.
"Hah!" said Drummond.
"We've got us a right stupid Tory bastard, don't we, boys?" said Ash, en
larging upon Drummond's short but informative comment. So I was in Suffo
lk County, miles from home. How many?
"I have to be there," I insisted. "We couldn't have traveled all that far."
"Fifteen mile, if it were an inch. Maybe more." He was proud of the accom
plishment and contemptuous of my disbelief.
"Ridiculous." But I didn't press further, lest they catch on to what I was
doing. "What do you want of me? Why did you bring me here?"
"What we want is fer ye to do what yer told, then Drummond won't be 'aving to
 cut yer heart out 'n' 'andin' it to ye."
"Hah!" said Drummond.
Not too reassuring, but at least they weren't planning to kill me right off.
On the other hand, if I didn't get away from here before dawn, they wouldn't
have to trouble themselves.
"I like them ridin' boots," said a thin fellow, talking through his hatchety nos
e.
"Be off with ye, Abel, I already claimed 'em 'n' everyone knows it," said
another man who was homely enough to have been his brother.
"Yer feet is too big fer 'em!"
"Are not! You've got 'is cloak, I git 'is boots!" This declaration was follow
ed by a noisy tussle. Ash watched the combatants with disgust.
"Those two should be Cain and Abel, not Abel and Seth," he growled to Drum
mond, who for once did not say "hah!" but did step in and roughly part the
 two. He lifted each by the collar, shook them soundly, then let them fall
. The argument was over for the moment and I consciously relaxed my tightl
y curled toes. I had no desire to be hiking home in stocking feet.
The door opened and the other fellow who was almost as big as Drummond cam
e in. I wondered if he was in charge of this lot, as none of them appeared
 to be impressively gifted with intelligence. He gruffly announced that th
e horses were bedded, then went to warm his hands by Tully's fledgling fire.
Six of them. Daunting even with my full strength, quite impossible now.
"What's the time?"
My question amused them. There was no clock in the hovel and probably ne
ver had been.
"Gittin" on to dawn in a couple hours, I should think," said Ash.
"I'm hungry," whined Tully.
"Then fix somethin'!"
Tully subsided and poked about in whatever supplies they had.
"Why am I here?"
Ash's grin, a singularly unpleasant one, returned. "Yer a prisoner o' war, tha
t's why."
"I'm no soldier—"
"Aye, but yer mighty good at killin', ain't ye?" he sneered.
There it was, the confirmation of my worst fears. My heart sank and they cou
ld see it on my face. No need or point in pretense.
Ash leaned close. I could smell his rotten teeth. "Ye murdered two fine men,
 ye Tory bastard. Cut 'em down cold Y yer goin' t' pay fer it."
I snapped my mouth shut. There was also no need or point in arguing my side o
f it with them; I'd made that conclusion earlier when I'd guessed who they we
re. The panic threatened to return, but I couldn't afford it this time. I had
 to keep my mind free of it. Free . . . and thinking.
"You want something more, though, don't you? Or else you wouldn't have b
rought me here."
"Aye, we do. Yer rich pap's goin' to pay t' git you back, ain't he? We reckon '
e can spare the gold 'f he wants to see 'is brat again, right?"
I reluctantly nodded. For all the house and fine clothes, my father was not
 a wealthy man; Mother had all the money. I wondered if she would pay a ran
som for me, then decided it didn't matter. These men were not going to let
me live whatever happened. I kept those thoughts to myself and tried to loo
k anxiously cooperative. "Yes. My father will do anything you say. Just nam
e your price and he'll pay it."
It was exactly what they wanted to hear.
"Right!" Ash produced a dirty sheet of paper. One side was some kind of obs
olete handbill, all patriotism and high emotion, and the other blank. "Put
down what we tell ye."
"If I can." And I sincerely meant that, for I was going all weak again.
Drummond picked me up and dragged me to the table. I was dropped onto a c
hair, but he had to hold me up. Dizzy and suddenly shivering, I eased for
ward and tenderly cushioned my cruelly aching head on my folded arms.
"What wrong with 'im?" asked Tully.
"Got no belly fer man's work," said Ash, but he sounded worried.
I ground my teeth together to keep from sobbing from the pain. Very gently,
I felt around the side of my skull where it
was the worst. Dried blood matted my hair, but there seemed to be no fresh b
leeding. There was a soft spot there . . . bruised and swollen skin, perhaps
. I hoped that was all. Pain flared, threatening to blaze up into something
truly unbearable if the tentative exploration continued. I moaned and shook
involuntarily, hating my show of weakness, but unable to stop it.
My hosts were silent except for some hard breathing as they looked on. No o
ne offered to help.
"Drummond hit 'im too hard," Tully stated mournfully. He was the youngest o
f the group, not much more than a boy, and an unhappy one at that. '"E's go
nna die on us. Did ye see 'is face?"
Ash snorted. "Not before 'e does us some good. Straighten up, you. Yer gonn
a write yer pap."
"Give me a minute," I pleaded, still gasping from it.
It came in waves, a relatively pain-free period followed by nausea, and I was
 going through a bad spot of the latter. Drummond's tossing me about like a r
ag toy hadn't helped. I wanted desperately to try vanishing again in the hope
 of healing, but my last attempt had knocked me out. It would have to be late
r, when I was stronger and not so hideously ill. As for these louts seeing it
, I didn't care.
Ash snarled more frustrated threats, but did nothing. Someone found a bit of
 charcoal and pushed it into my slack right hand.
In a few minutes the worst of it passed and I found I could see once more. N
ot well. The lantern lights seemed unbearably bright to me. I could hardly o
pen my eyes. Ash impatiently urged me to work. I felt for the sheet of paper
. The charcoal slipped from my fingers and I had trouble trying to pick it u
p.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I can't. It's too much."
"You'll write it, I say." Ash again. God, what a miserable, scratching voice
the man had.
"I can't. One of you will have to. I'm too badly hurt."
"But not so hurt ye can't talk? Write, damn ye, or Drummond'll start 'is cuttin
'."
I groaned and managed to hold the charcoal. Despite all the discomfort, ther
e was a warm and tight feeling of triumph in me. Ash's insistence that I do
the writing meant that none of them could. Not one of them had made the leas
t move to take over in response to my pitiful act.
Not that I was acting.
"What do you want to say?" I asked, barely audible.
"This is to yer pap. Tell 'im you've been captured."
Easy enough. Dear Father, I've been kidnapped. ..
I laboriously scraped the charcoal over the paper, trying to make clean, leg
ible script and finding it difficult. The paper was cheap and rough; even if
 I'd had a proper quill and ink it would not have been any too easy. I took
my time, the others staring at my every move as though I were performing som
e magical rite. Meaningless symbols to them, possible help for me.
"Yes . . . what else?"
"If 'e wants you back alive, 'e's to give six 'undred pounds in silver or gold
to the man giving 'im this note."
I formed letters. Being held about 75 miles from home in Suffolk by Montagu
 house thieves . . .
Paused.
"Don't follow the man or we'll cut yer throat."
. . . will try to escape. Hold and question this man.
"Sign it."
Jonathan.
Ash took the paper up and looked it over with smug pleasure. "There it is, lad
s, a tidy 'undred fer each of us."
I buried my face in my arms lest I betray myself, though I really hurt too mu
ch to smile.
"Aye, but will we get it? What if Knox don't come back?"
"Y'sayin' I'm a thief, Abel?" Knox, the big fellow who'd tended the horses,
 had an ominous growl.
Abel backed down. "Not 'xactly, jus' what if somethin' should 'appen to ye?"

"Nothin' will. I'll be back with the money V don't ye be thinkin' otherwise o
r I'll fold you in two the wrong way." His size made him more than capable of
 carrying out that threat.
"Abel, go saddle a horse for 'im," said Ash. "A fresh 'un, mind you."
Wrapped snuggly in my cloak, Abel went out.
"'Ow long'11 it take ye?" he asked Knox.
"Travelin", not long. Waitin' fer the money, I dunno. Ye'H 'ave to wait 'til I
get back. Keep a sharp eye on the road. If you see soldiers, git to the boat 'n
' git out. I'll catch up with ye later. With the money," he pointedly added for
 the benefit of any other doubters.
He left soon after. I kept my head down and rested.
The length of time between bouts of nausea was increasing and the sickness p
assed off a little faster, but I gave no sign of recovery, continuing to sho
w them the worst possible side of it. A man in my poor condition would be se
en as no threat, and I hoped they might get lax in their watch.
Indeed, it already seemed so. Food and drink were traded around and they di
d a fine job pretending I wasn't there while seeing to their own best comfo
rt. None was offered to me. In fact, no one bothered to address me at all.
That alone would have informed me of my eventual fate, had I not already fi
gured it out. They weren't about to make friends with someone who was going
 to die.
An hour crept past, or more. It was hard to tell. I never moved, nor was in
vited to move. Tully took over the bed and began snoring. The others found
spots to rest and talk amongst themselves before drowsing off. A natural to
pic was what they'd be doing with the money from this endeavor; they then w
armed to other jobs, comparing them in terms of profit and effort. They'd s
tolen all manner of things, beaten and even killed people who attempted to
resist them and one and all considered it work well done since—profit aside
—they were doing it in a good cause. Any and all harm done to one of the Ki
ng's loyal subjects was seen as a righteous blow for liberty, and the more
harm inflicted the better.
I hadn't exactly hidden myself away from the war going on in the broader wo
rld beyond my own little piece of it, but it had not been very real to me f
or the most part. I had other concerns to keep me occupied, and the conflic
t was something that was happening to other people miles in the distance. T
hese men were forcing me to see it as something much closer and consequentl
y much more immediately threatening. Our big house with all its people, shu
ttered windows, and firmly locked doors was no safe fortress against such b
rutes. If they wanted what we had, they would simply take it. They weren't
smart, but they did have a base, instinctual cunning that chilled me to the
 bone.
I raised my head, blinking, cautious of pain. It was there, drumming like th
under during a storm, but not as bad as it had been. I didn't want to push m
yself, but with the coming dawn I might not be left with any choice. Vanishi
ng was first and foremost on my mind. If I was strong enough for that,
then my greatest worries would be over. Then I could just float outside ami
d their confusion and get myself well away from here.
"Be light soon," said Ash. He and Drummond had shared the table with me, t
hough neither of them had paid much notice of me once I'd finished writing
 the note.
"Aye." Drummond looked at me, cool and uncaring. I didn't like the possibilit
ies that that implied, preferring Ash's raw hatred to this utter lack of rega
rd. "Shouldn't we wait fer Knox?"
"That's been talked out. No matter if 'e gits the money 'r not, this 'un's got to
 go, we all agreed to it."
My belly turned over. Violently.
Drummond sighed. "'Tis better to do it now, then, while the others are asleep
."
I'd been expecting such talk, but that didn't make it any easier to hear.
"They need to git used to it," countered Ash. "This's a war on, not a damned te
a party for fancy Tory bitches 'n their silks 'n' velvets."
Not now, not yet, I cried in my mind. I was still too weak and nearly frozen
with alarm.
I looked back at them, trying to summon enough concentration to influenc
e them. Which one? I couldn't do both. Too late I picked on Ash, but he
was already up and moving. Drummond followed.
Too late ...
"Up with ye," said Ash.
"Wait—I can pay you more money."
"Oh, aye?"
"I've money of my own, separate from my father's. You can make twice as
much."
"An' run twice the risk. No thankee. What we'll be gittin' '11 more'n do fe
r us." He pulled out his pistol and prodded my ribs. "Commun. Up with ye."
"Maybe the others don't agree with you. Don't the rest of you want to doub
le your money?"
Seth and Abel looked sullenly interested, but not enough to challenge Ash's
 authority. Tully continued to snore. Drummond had heard, but rejected the
offer with a contemptuous snort of disbelief. There would be no sundering o
f loyalties in this group.
Ash grinned "Commun, ye cowardly bastard. Move yerself or you'll get it rig
ht 'ere."
It was hardly a statement to inspire encouragement. Inside or out, I was to
 die. Where might not matter, but when ... I wanted more time. They weren't
 giving me any. Not one more minute.
"You must help me. I can't stand. Dizzy." There was no point trying to plead
for my life. They'd only find it amusing, especially Ash. I desperately wante
d . . . needed time to think.
"Commun."
"I can't." It wasn't all an act; my legs were like water.
Think .. . but no miraculous idea popped into my head.
Expressing considerable disgust, Ash backed off so Drummond could assist m
e. With his now familiar lack of gentleness, he bent, hauled one of my arm
s around his neck, and stood, taking me with him. The sudden move to my fe
et was bad, but not as dreadful as I'd anticipated. I sagged, though, maki
ng him support me. He stank of ancient sweat and I could smell the remains
  of his last meal in the grease smearing his face.
I could also smell something else, something that woke me up more thorough
ly than his rough handling or Ash's threats or even my own paralyzing fear
.
Blood.
His blood, not mine. And the scent of it was good.
So very, very good.
Unaware, he pulled me along, my weight of no concern to him, paying no atten
tion while I was stumbling in surprise at this inner realization. He had no
mind for anything but to get the job at hand finished. I had no mind for any
thing but the fact that he was awash with what I needed to live. He carried
satiation for my roused hunger, healing for my injury, strength for escape.
Red life, rushing, pulsing, roaring beneath his coarse skin.
Blood.
Dear God. I was hungry. Terribly so.
I stared without seeing anything as he took me through the door into the nee
dle-sharp cold outside.
It was almost as though I were back in the wagon again, drifting in and out
of consciousness, only now I was drifting
between need and the shock of learning the true immensity of that need. Dr
ummond marched me along over an empty field, the ground sloping slightly u
pward. I barely kept pace with him, distracted by trying to break free of
the spell of my hunger, and succeeding to some degree.
Blood was blood to me, whether it was in a horse or a human. Even the mi
niscule amount I took from Molly Audy was food, when it came down to abs
olutes.
I looked sideways at Drummond. He continued to steadily and stolidly wal
k me on toward an ignominious death.
Dare I try it?
And more importantly, dare I not?
I could get on without. Perhaps.
Survival and escape were all that were important. It might be utterly revolt
ing to have to drink from this man's filthy throat, but my instincts, those
newly formed by my changed condition and those already innate to my being, t
old me that this was my best chance to get out alive, if not my only chance.
In the overall scheme of the world, I judged myself to be of considerably mo
re value than Ash, Drummond, or any of the others in their miserable, brutal
 troop of killers.
So be it.
Now I had to find a way of arranging things to my advantage.
We crested the top of the slope, and the wind clawed at my inadequately pr
otected body like a vengeful animal. I was shivering again and held on to
Drummond for warmth as well as support. Snow clung to our boots, slowing u
s. Ash cursed as he struggled along in our footsteps.
The other side of the slope led down to the Sound. Had I known we were this
 close to it, I'd have made some mention in my note to Father. This part of
 the coast was vaguely known to me, and my heart rose a little. It was absu
rdly comforting to find I wasn't totally lost in an unknown land.
The water was gray and dangerous in the tormenting wind; I should not have
 cared to venture onto its restless surface in such weather, and I worried
 that that was what Drummond and Ash were planning.
Making myself more of an impediment than usual, I managed to get Drummo
nd to halt by having my legs give out completely.
"A moment, for pity's sake," I cried in a thin, strained voice.
Ash caught us up. "Keep movin', let's get it over with."
"What. . . what will you do with me?"
"What do ye think?" He grinned down, mistaking my need to have details f
or more cowardice.
"Tell me! I've a right to know!"
My forceful insistence set him back a little, but he was too grudging to prov
ide an answer.
I looked up at Drummond. "Please, sir. Tell me. If these are my last moments
, let me not disgrace myself further."
Reluctantly, he said, "Yer to be shot."
Interesting way to put it, I thought, as though someone else were to do the d
irty work.
"With honor, as for a soldier?" I asked, my manner pleading for him to say y
es.
"Aye, with honor." There was amusement deep in his eyes. I pretended not to
 see it.
Ash spat, clearly having no use for what he must have perceived as a useless
and trivial concept except when it suited him. He was dancing from one foot t
o the other from the cold. "Let's git to it."
We reached a level spot on the slope and turned into the wind, taking a path
  that eventually wound itself down to the shoreline. The wind seemed to grab
  the air from my lungs, so it was just as well I had no need to breathe.
"Will you bury me?" I gasped out.
Drummond gruffly said, "At sea."
I looked past him at the heartbreakingly bleak water. Truly it was to be a co
ld, deep grave for me in every sense of the word.
He correctly interpreted my expression. "Have to. Orders."
"Orders from whom?"
He made no answer. Ash, probably. Or Knox. It hardly mattered.
We came to the point on the path where it went down to the shore, but Drum
mond ignored it and continued to go straight ahead, breaking a way through
  virgin snow. It was much deeper here and the footing more treacherous, bu
t his size helped. He had tremendous strength and bulled through the incre
asingly higher drifts as though they weren't there. The extra exertion was
  of no benefit to my head whatsoever. All I
could do was hang onto him for balance and try not to fall.
We were rather far from the house.
Good.
Drummond paused, waiting for Ash, who was having a harder time of it. The w
ind was dying, I noticed, and the sky... growing lighter. Even with the thi
ck clouds of winter between me and the sun, I'd be unable to hold myself co
nscious once it cleared the horizon.
"Right," said Ash. "Put 'im over there."
I was guided to what I first thought to be a taller than usual drift. It proved
  to be a slight rise that cut off sharply on the other side. It dropped straigh
t down into water. All they had to do was shoot me and roll the body off and le
t the sea carry it away or drag it to the bottom. It might never, ever be found
.
Ash watched as I worked it all out and enjoyed my reaction of horror. Dr
ummond remained impassive and told me I'd have to stand on my own.
"I—I should like a blindfold, please."
Ash's face transformed into a study of indignant amazement. "What?"
"May I not have a blindfold? I should find it easier to take what is to come if
  I don't have to see."
He was practically speechless. "Of all the—"
"A last request, sir."
He worked himself into a spate of name-calling and I winced and clung to D
rummond like a child seeking shelter.
"Let 'im," said Drummond, as I'd hoped he would. He was exasperated, but
with Ash, not me. Ash was using more time venting his anger than it would
  have taken to grant my request.
"What?"
' 'Tis not much to ask. 'E can use yer scarf." Without waiting, Drummond l
et go his hold on me and backed away.
Damnation. I'd wanted one of them to go back to the house in order to fetc
h something suitable. Separating them would have made things so much easie
r for me.
"Might I also have some Bible verses?" I asked with rapidly increasing desp
eration.
"Got none, lad."
Well. I should have expected as much from a house where no one could read
.
"The blindfold," I said. "Please . . . I—"
Drummond looked expectantly at Ash. With more cursing and complaint, he rel
uctantly untied the length of scarf that held his hat in place. He had to g
ive his pistol to Drummond in order to do it properly. When he came forward
  to wrap it around my eyes, I lifted one hand in a begging gesture.
"Please..."
"What now?"
"A moment to pray. Just a moment for a prayer. Just a—"
I got another curse for an answer, but he made no other objection. I sank d
own to one knee. Drummond was now too far away to reach, but Ash stood righ
t before me, clutching the scarf, impatient to finish the job and get out o
f the cold. I bowed my head.
"Heavenly Father, forgive me my sins ..." I began, and I meant it. To undert
ake such actions while in the middle of prayer must certainly be sinful, but
  I had no other choice left. Surely God would understand.
I smashed my fist into Ash's groin.
He made no scream; I think the agony was too great to be vocalized, but hi
s face was eloquent as he doubled over and fell writhing into the snow. Th
en I forgot about him as Drummond came up.
He had the pistol ready and could not possibly miss at so short a distance.
  He was hardly two yards away, holding it centered upon my chest. The muzzl
e was as big as the door to hell, but I had to wrench my eyes from it to lo
ok at Drummond. Unlike the display I'd put on earlier, I would face my deat
h, if that was what was to come. I'd survived other woundings, but was very
  weak now and unsure of what might happen next. I braced myself for the sho
t, glaring at him and trying to see if there was a soul behind his eyes.
He held off firing. Only stared. We stared at one another for what seemed
like hours and I couldn't imagine why he was waiting. He paid no attention
  to Ash, who lay between us, curled around himself and grunting with agony
; all he did was look right back into my eyes, unblinking, like a madman.
What was it? Was he hoping I'd beg? Why was he so still? Was it to brea
k my nerve? What—?
Dawn. It was lighter now than . ..
Light. Enough light for him to see clearly. To see me. For me to...
With sudden comprehension, I staggered to my feet and told Drummond to thr
ow his gun down. He did. I told him to get on his knees. He did. His impas
sive face remained the same, hard as stone .. . maybe just a little vacant
 about the eyes. That had been the delay for me; I didn't know him well en
ough to read any inner changes when my influence had taken him over.
My hunger, held in abeyance by so many distractions, now clawed its way
back. Ravenous. Undeniable.
Unsteadily, I walked around Ash until I was quite close to Drummond. I told
him to shut his eyes. He did. Then, with trembling fingers, I ripped away hi
s rag of a neckcloth.
What came next didn't take long. Fortunate, since it was singularly unpleasa
nt.
Except for the blood, of course.
I pushed his head away and to one side to draw the skin taut over his expos
ed throat. The scent coming through it— the bloodsmell—overmatched the stin
k of his unwashed skin and clothing. My teeth were out and my belly gave an
 inward twist, anticipating. Bending low, I cut hard into him, breaking thr
ough the tough skin and drinking in that first glorious swallow of life as
it flooded forth.
He made a gagging sound once, and not long after sobbed once, but otherwise
held himself as quietly as any of the other beasts I'd fed on in the past.
His blood was different. Tainted in some way I couldn't identify, but I like
d the taint. It was comparable to the kind of difference one finds between b
eef and venison. Both fill you, but one has the tameness of the farm and the
 other yet holds to the wildness of the wood.
I drank deeply and well and felt the heat of it warming me from the inside ou
t. Strength I thought lost returned and the pain ... the dreadful pain from t
he disastrous blow he'd inflicted began to subtly fade. It had been so consta
nt that it seemed strange not to have it anymore.
Pain gone, hunger abated . . . no .. .fulfilled. I'd never had better.
When I drew away and licked my lips clean, I found that I'd never taken su
ch total satisfaction from any food in all my life. Perhaps it was because
 it had been human blood, perhaps it was because it had come from an enemy
 and was suffused with his fear of me, for Drummond was shuddering
with it. Tears from his now wide-open eyes streamed down his cheeks. At s
ome point he'd woken up from my influence and had been hideously aware of
 all that was happening to him.
I breathed in a great draught of air through my open mouth and released it a
s laughter. It soared up and was caught by the last of the wind and whipped
away into the brightening sky.
It... was not a wholesome sound. And when it died away, I felt ashamed.
But why? I'd fed from a man as I'd have fed from any brute beast, and the wil
d predators of the world feel no shame for what they must do. They kill in or
der to live; that was their nature as given to them by God. I had been no dif
ferent prior to my change, having eaten animal flesh, having killed in order
to live. I'd felt the triumph of a successful hunt, but this . . . wasn't the
  same.
Then I understood. My sudden shame came not from my change, but rather from t
he fact that I'd used my new abilities to play the bully. I'd taken enjoyment
  from this man's terror. There's a vile streak of that kind of cruelty in all
  of us, and I'd given into it.
Bad. Very bad of me. I could imagine what Father might have to say about th
is; he'd been clear enough on the subject when I'd been growing up. Though
I was no longer a boy tussling with others in Rapelji's schoolyard, the pri
nciple remained the same.
"Please . . . don't kill me," Drummond whispered, his voice broken and dry.
  He was deathly white, but nowhere near to dying. Yet.
Right. He was begging me for his utterly useless, damaging life. Begging for
life from the man he'd been ready to kill without the least thought or regret
.
"Please ..."
A hundred caustic retorts to that sprang to my lips, but never came forth.
What would be the point? He was what he was, a killer and a thief, and what
ever I said would not change him.
Or would it?
I knew I'd have to protect myself from him anyway.
With another laugh, short and more bitter this time, I said, "Look at me. Look
  at me and listen . .."
And he did.
I finished with him fast enough, leaving him with no memory of what he'd b
een through, only a deep desire to seek an
honest path for himself in the world. It both soothed and galled me, for I
knew I was at least trying to do the right thing, but my baser side wanted
very much to throw him over the cliff as he had meant to do to me. So I mig
ht have done in a hot rage, but not now. There was no need. Besides, his de
ath was not worth having on my conscience.
He was asleep, or in a state close to it, and would remain so until Ash wok
e him up. Ash himself had been too lost in his own trouble to be aware of w
hat had occurred but a few yards from him. His back was to us, so I wasn't
worried that he had seen any of it. I walked over and nudged him with a foot.
He burst out with a very creative string of curses, not the wisest thing to do
, but then I'd already noticed his singular shortage of brain and could shrug
off the abuse. It did stop, however, when he saw I had the pistol in my hand.
He gaped, then started to cry out something, a call to Drummond for help, I
 thought, but I slapped the other hand over his mouth and informed him that
 he'd get a second punch between the legs if he made another sound. That sh
ut him up completely and he lay silent as I searched him for those items of
 mine he'd claimed for himself out of the robbery, namely a gold snuff box
and my money purse. I also found another pocketful of coins, and a surprisi
ng quantity at that, which I thought might have come from other victims. Th
is I put in with my own money. I had no need of it, but intended to turn it
 over to Father with the request that he donate it to our church. Doubtless
 that good place could put the funds to a better use than any Ash had ever
planned.
It was growing lighter by the minute. If I was to try my influence with Ash
, it would have to be—
" 'Old right there, you!"
I looked up to see Abel and Seth standing just this side of the kneeling D
rummond. Abel had a pistol of his own, and it was pointed at me. I hadn't
heard their approach. I wondered how long they'd been watching and how muc
h they'd seen. Too much, from the stricken looks they wore. Abel kept tryi
ng to steal glances at the oblivious Drummond, which made it hard for him
to hold his weapon level.
"Devi/!" he shrieked when he saw the blood on Drummond's throat. "Ye filthy
 devil!" His hatchety face went red with outrage and disgust and fear. The
gun went off. It may have been an accidental firing or not, but he was so u
pset that it spoiled
his aim. The thing roared and the air was clouded with sudden smoke, but the
 ball completely missed me. He had one instant to regret it, less than a bli
nk of an eye, and I was upon him.
A clout on the jaw was all that was needed. He was stunned, senseless and
unresisting. I turned on Seth, but he'd backed away, jaw sagging and eyes
popping, too frightened to move. As he watched, I dragged my cloak from hi
s brother's body.
Ash was on his hands and knees and bellowing at Drummond, who looked to b
e waking up. Damnation to them. If I had more time I could have stayed, c
hanged their memories to my advantage, but the dawn was against me. I had
 ten minutes, no more and very probably much less. It was hard to tell fo
r the clouds.
I had to get out.
Slogging away from them over the open snow field was the best I could do.
I threw the cloak around my shoulders and pulled it close, grateful for th
e brothers' greed. The only reason I could think why they'd followed out a
fter us was for Seth to lay claim to my boots before his friends dropped t
hem—along with my body—into the Sound. Abel may have come to try for them
himself one more time, that, or to enjoy the execution.
I walked as quickly as possible, wanting distance between myself and the gr
owing row behind me. Ash's voice rose high over the wind, suffused with ang
er. I looked back once and saw him on his feet, shaking a fist at me. Witho
ut a doubt, he was a dangerous man, but also stupid and incredibly foolish;
 I still had the pistol.
A perverse fancy took me. I stopped and turned, arm out in the best dueling
style, my pose and posture unmistakable. He ceased moving, caught between ho
rror and surprise. I pulled the trigger and felt the recoil jolt up my arm.
The thing made a grand roar and I had the satisfaction of seeing Ash and the
 others duck in dismay. They weren't injured, I'd aimed just over their head
s, but by the time they found enough courage to look again, they'd not be ab
le to see me. I took that moment as the right time to vanish.
The thought belatedly came that they'd follow my trail. They'd find the disc
arded pistol and my tracks ending in the middle of the field as though I'd v
anished into the air, which, indeed, I had. Well, it was too late now. Let t
hem puzzle it out and be damned.
Glad I was that the wind had died. There was just enough of it now to give me
 a direction to push against, which I did with all my strength and will. I sp
ed south and then west toward home, though I had not the faintest possibility
 of reaching it in time.
Panic?
Very likely.
There was also the hope that once I'd put enough distance between myself an
d that band of patriotic cutthroats, I could go solid, get my bearings and
find some shelter for the day. All I needed was a shack or barn, someplace
to hide from the approaching sun.
I hurtled forward for as long as I dared, then re-formed. The light was nearl
y blinding. The snow-blanketed fields reflected it, increased it. I shaded my
 eyes and searched all around for cover. Nothing, absolutely nothing, present
ed itself.
For want of anything better to do besides stand and gibber with fear, I vani
shed and continued forward. There were some trees in the distance, widely sp
aced and naked of leaves. Probably useless. Faster and faster I went until s
uch senses as were left to me in this form gave me warning that I'd reached
my goal.
This next re-forming was more difficult. The light much worse. My fear all
but choked me. The trees were useless. Even in the high summer with their l
eaves, their shade would not have been sufficient. They were too far apart.
 There was no other choice, though. Perhaps my cloak would help ...
Then I noticed that the trees farther on were strangely shortened. My sight
was getting worse, but I was just able to discern that they were not really
short, but were actually the top branches of other trees growing upon much l
ower ground.
The island was pocked here and there with depressions we called kettles bec
ause of their general shape. Rapelji said that they'd been carved out of th
e earth by ancient glaciers. Some were small, others much larger, with name
s to them. I had no name for this one, but immediately dubbed it "haven."
I charged forward, faded somewhat, and launched my partially visible body o
ver the edge. It was quite different from the tumble I'd taken into one as
a child. The landing was much less abrupt.
The high wall of earth on my left blocked the immediate threat of light; the
other wall was not all that far away. The
bottom would be exposed to sun for only a short time during the day. I could
 improve that if I—yes, there, where the wall bulged out, creating a little
alcove, but to lie as one dead with only a cloak for covering ... I was afra
id Ash and his crew would come hunting and chance upon me while I lay helple
ss.
The snow. It had drifted in here all throughout the winter, deep and undistur
bed.
It might not work.
Oh, but it had to.
I faded completely and sank beneath its unbroken surface, sank until I touc
hed upon the more solid barrier of the frozen ground beneath and there stop
ped. Then gradually, ever so cautiously, I assumed form once more. Not at a
ll easy, but the hard snow gave way to my frantic pushing and I made myself
 a kind of burrow. I twisted this way and that, but saw not the least hint
of light. It would do. It would have to, for all my choices had been stolen
 away by the dawn.
It was a grave. No other word could describe this kind of darkness or silen
ce. I was acutely conscious of the great weight of the snow above. Had I ne
eded air, I'd have smothered in a very short time. As it was, my mind was i
n danger of smothering from the memory of my first wretched awakening into
this changed life.
And then ... all my worries ceased for the day.
I awoke to utter blackness, immobile from cold, and just disoriented enough
 to leap into a kind of groggy alarm. As my last thought had been about my
hated churchyard coffin, I mentally kicked out in a—literally—blind panic,
instinctively tried to vanish, and did.
By increments.
Bit by bit, I faded, feeling myself going at the extremities first as hands an
d feet, already numb, lost all further bonding with touch. It seeped past my s
kin and muscle, to the vitals, to the bones, until I was finally incorporeal a
nd bumping gently against the sides of my tiny prison.
Nasty sensation, that.
During this agonizingly slow transformation I'd recovered some of my wits, r
ecalling that I'd buried myself in a snowbank to escape the daylight. I also
 knew I no longer wanted to be here anymore. So thinking, I sieved slowly up
ward from the icy sanctuary until I seemed to be free of it, then tried to r
esume a solid body again.
It was a reverse of the vanishing, only slower, with me struggling to push
it faster and not making very much difference at all. For a time, while but
 halfway formed, I was madly blinking to clear my fogged vision. My eyes we
re not themselves subject to any injury, but the lengthy return made it see
m so. Once they were clear, I knew I was whole. I felt

much better—until my legs gave out and I landed facedown in the snow like a
 felled tree.
After that, I became more cautious.
I was thoroughly chilled through and through, so much so that I had quite fo
rgotten what it was like to ever be warm. My fingers were an unhealthy white
 and, though they moved, were far too stiff to be of much use. All my joints
 were stiff, for that matter. I felt as though I'd been hollowed out and fil
led from the toes up with slushy, half-frozen mud.
While trying to push the ground away, I reflected that if I didn't find some
 warmth soon, the mud inside would freeze the rest of the way. With that omi
nously in mind, success followed my next effort to stand; then I endeavored
to walk. . . well, shamble. At least I was moving.
The kettle had high walls, but was mercifully open at the southern end, maki
ng for an uncomplicated escape. I didn't want to try vanishing again until m
y condition had improved. My pace was slow, but constant, and became more fl
uid the longer I stayed at it. When I started shivering, I knew I'd done the
 right thing, quite probably just in time.
I had to trudge uphill for a bit, then the kettle opened out into empty fiel
d. No fences were in sight, no signs of anything civilized, only snow and th
e stark black silhouette of a tree here and there. The road that Ash and his
 crew had used lay somewhere ahead. I was reluctant to find it, though. Sinc
e I'd determined I was in Suffolk County, the chances of encountering more o
f his rebel friends was great. It would not be terribly advantageous to my i
nterests to escape one band of cutthroats only to be captured by another, bu
t I supposed I could cope if it was unavoidable. For now I was too miserable
 to plan for anything more harrowing than the next few steps forward.
Lots of those. I didn't bother to count.
The going was very slow due to the uneven ground beneath the covering of
 snow. Thank God that Seth hadn't taken my boots away. Thank God I'd got
ten my cloak back from Abel. It was heavy with damp, but more preferable
 to going without. All 1 needed now was something to cover my head. My e
ars were like chips of ice. And, as long as I was making wishes, some gl
oves would be—
Gloves... on impulse I checked the inside pocket of the cloak. They were stil
l there. I'd have to give Jericho a special thanks for his foresight and anot
her to Providence that Abel
had overlooked these prizes. Though I was barely able to open and close my
hands yet, I managed to pull the things on. Maybe they wouldn't give warmth
, but they'd hold in what little I might produce and keep the cruelly cold
air from stealing it away.
Each step became marginally easier than the last, and the line of footprints
 behind me grew longer and longer. A mile of it must have stretched back to
the kettle when I saw the road. There was little to mark it from the rest of
 the countryside but the indentations of ruts and marks left by wheels and l
ivestock. I chose the westward direction and walked and walked and walked.
After an hour of it, I decided my fears of meeting with more rebels were not
 to be realized. That comforting thought kept me in good spirits until the c
ountry silence was broken by the sound of hoofs.
Coming up behind. Rebels for sure. Hunting me down.
No place to hide, not a tree or a drainage ditch, no wall or even a bush.
Vanish? No. My insides were too unsettled yet.
Very well, hide in the open. Pretend to be what I must surely look like, a fo
rlorn traveler on his way to shelter. I'd plod on and ignore them and hope th
ey'd return the favor and pass by.
The sky was clear of clouds and there was a bright, nearly full moon out. Th
e light was excellent. They'd probably have a sharp look at me before they w
ent by. That's what I'd do.
How many? A glimpse over my shoulder showed only two riders. That was good
. I could probably handle them if it came to it. I fervently prayed it wou
ld not.
They clip-clopped up, in no hurry, and came even with me. They stayed ev
en with me. Damnation.
"You, sir! Who are you and where are you bound?"
An educated voice. A gentleman's voice. Familiar...
I looked up ... right into the astonished face of Lord James Norwood.
My own expression must have matched his well enough, for we were both str
uck speechless. Then the second rider swung his leg over his mount's neck
 and slipped off.
"My God, Mr. Barrett, is it you?" Dr. Beldon, brimful of relief.
I was very glad to see him and deeply touched by this evidence of his concer
n for me, and raised a wan smile. It
was meant to reassure, but had quite the opposite effect on the poor man.
"Sweet heavens, are you all right? What has happened to you?"
Norwood, prompted by the doctor's actions, also dismounted and echoed th
ose questions and more. Both of them were obviously shocked by my doubtl
ess wild appearance. They each took an arm to support me, though I'd bee
n doing an adequate enough job before.
"You're freezing cold, man," said Beldon. "Here, I've a blanket in one of my
bags . . ." He broke away to get it.
"Where have you been, sir?" asked Norwood.
"Some house near the shore," I answered. My voice was thick and strange
in my throat. "Not sure. My family? Are they—?"
"They're very worried for you. Your father is out with another search party f
arther south."
"Search party?"
"Half the Island is out looking for you. As soon as that rascal turned up ear
ly this morning with your note, Mr. Barrett sent me off straight as a shot to
 fetch Lieutenant Nash and his men."
"Here," said Beldon, shaking out the promised blanket. "Get this up over you
r head. Your ears are quite blue."
I let him fuss, for it was incredibly good to be among friends again.
"Some brandy now . . ."
There was no way of refusing it gracefully, so I lifted the opaque bottle t
o my lips and pretended to swallow. A drop or two burned upon my tongue, bu
t only for a moment.
"Are you fit enough to ride?" he asked.
"Yes."
'There's a farm not far ahead—"
"No. My own home. Take me right home."
"You're certain you can make it?"
"A dead run would be too slow for me."
Norwood laughed lightly at this. "And dangerous for the horses, but we'll
see what we can do. Can you give him a leg up, Doctor?"
Having the larger and stronger of the two mounts, I was to ride behind him,
 hanging on as well as I could with my numb hands. He sprang into the saddl
e, held out a steadying
arm, and Beldon gave me the boost I needed. I landed with a thud astride the
 horse's rump and might have fallen right off again if Norwood hadn't caught
 me. The exertion called back a ghost of dizzying pain from Drummond's initi
al assault. My balance was off, but I tried not to let it show, lest they ho
ld to a slow pace.
The pace was slow anyway, at least to my mind, but Norwood kept the time
filled by answering my questions on what had happened after Knox's arriva
l.
"The big brute was strutting around as though he owned the place, demanding
 to see Mr. Barrett. Ill-favored fellow, from what I saw of him. I only cau
ght a glimpse at the time. Your father read the note he had, and you should
 have seen the look on the man's face when the servants were ordered to gra
b hold of him. Took a number of 'em, I must say, all the stable lads and th
ose two black housemen as well were needed before they got him on the floor
 and tied him tight as a trussed bird. And the language. Your father had hi
m gagged as well, to spare the ears of the ladies. Unpleasant business."
"No doubt."
"But that was a brilliant bit of business with the note, and the same for Mr. B
arrett for catching onto it so fast. You took a risk over that, though."
"But it worked. That's what matters."
"Now, who were these fellows who captured you? How did you let it happe
n?"
"I didn't, they did."
"What? Oh, I see. Yes, certainly you didn't plan to let yourself be kidnapped
. Well, then, did you get a good look at 'em?"
"Much too good a look. I'll know them the next time I see them."
"Which will be soon, I hope. That is, if Nash and his men can find 'em befor
e they get away."
"And Father's with them?"
"Looking in the wrong place, it seems."
"Sorry. I couldn't be more specific in the note as I didn't really know where I
 was until later."
"Tell me what happened."
I did so, briefly, leaving out certain details, and could see him swelling with
 anger.
"Bastards," he grumbled.
And that about summed it all up for me.
About three miles from home, Beldon said he wanted to run ahead to prepare
 things for me, kicked his hack to a canter, and disappeared. I approved,
for it would mean any anxiety over me would be relieved that much sooner,
and so it proved when Norwood and I finally arrived.
Jericho was there to help me from the horse, to help me inside, and to hel
p me strip from my worse-for-wear clothes. Part of Beldon's preparations h
ad included instructing Mrs. Nooth to boil large quantities of water. The
bathtub was set up in the now steamy kitchen and my cold and highly abused
 body was soon ecstatically soaking in wonderful, reviving heat. A hot wet
 cloth was wrapped around my head to warm up my ears. I must have looked l
ike some sort of down-at-the-heels sultan, but didn't care.
Mrs. Nooth had bathed me as a child and treated me little different now as a
n adult. Her one concession to the passage of years was to drape a blanket o
ver the whole of the tub, but I thought that it was more for retaining the h
eat than to preserve my modesty. She added more hot water as it was ready un
til I felt like a hard-cooked egg, but got no complaints from me. Her instin
cts were to feed me something, anything. I managed to put her off on that. M
y past influence upon her helped there, for she didn't press.
The whole house, it seemed, was in the kitchen, eyes on me, full of questio
ns. Even Mother was present, her mouth turned down in fearsome disapproval
for the uproar and, possibly, my naked state, but with the blanket in place
 she had no cause for worry. Propriety, though somewhat strained, was intac
t.
Elizabeth had been in tears when Norwood and I had come in, and had thrown
her arms about me in relief. I'd held her and told her I was fine and then
came the first of the questions: What had happened? Where had I been? How d
id I get away? And so on. I repeated what I'd said to Norwood, with a few m
ore details and a lot more interruptions. As before, I left out some things
. No one noticed, or if they did, it was accepted without comment.
"You should have killed the fellow while you had the chance," said Norwood
 in regard to my bravado gesture of shooting over Ash's head.
I remained silent on that one and wallowed in the incred-
ible glory of hot water. Beldon removed the soaking wet turban to check
my ears and pronounced them to be normal again. He then made a careful e
xamination of the spot where Drummond's near-deadly blow had connected.
"I see no sign of injury, sir," he said. His manner was reminiscent of the
time he'd marveled over my miraculously healed arm.
I couldn't distract him out of it in front of all this crowd. "Perhaps it wasn't
as bad as I thought."
"But your hair is—was quite matted with blood. It had to come from a cut in t
he scalp, and I can't find one."
"That suits me well enough, Doctor. Mrs. Nooth, might I trouble you for a bi
t of soap and a flesh brush?"
It was no trouble at all, and her bustling and cheerful chatter got between m
e and Beldon, as I'd wanted.
The two oldest stable lads had been dispatched on fresh mounts to find Fath
er. Norwood thought of going, but didn't know the countryside as well as th
e lads. They weren't gone long; Father had been on his way home when they m
et him on the road. He'd galloped the rest of the way back and still smelle
d of winter night when he pushed his way into the kitchen to greet me. He k
nelt next to the tub, took my face in his hands and pulled me close, restin
g his chin on my head for a moment. Neither of us spoke. It didn't seem nec
essary.
He drew back and looked me over and combed a damp lock of hair from my f
ace. "Oh, laddie, what have you done to yourself?"
"I'm really all right," I said. I'd said that a lot recently-
"Thank God." Then, with a wry curl of his lip, he added, "Are you tired of al
l the repetition?"
"Is it so obvious?"
"It's fine. You look all in, though. I'll ask my questions when you're up to t
hem."
"Not long," I promised.
He told me I was a good lad, then turned to Beldon and Norwood for the sto
ry of how they'd found me. At the same time he unobtrusively herded the wh
ole lot from the kitchen. Jericho remained behind. He'd already been upsta
irs to fetch me fresh clothes and was examining the old ones with a critic
al eye.
"There's blood on your coat," he said quietly, so Mrs. Nooth, busy on the oth
er side of the kitchen, could not hear.
"Yes. That motherless—well, he gave me a bad knock. Near as 1 can make ou
t he grabbed me by the queue and swung me right into the wagon seat like
you'd break a chicken's neck. I'm lucky he didn't kill me."
"And one day later there is no injury to be seen."
I shrugged. "It's the way I've become."
His eyes briefly lighted. "Magic?"
/ couldn't help but smile. "Why not?"
Bathed, shaved, and decently dressed: such are the things that mark us as ci
vilized creatures. I was looking very civilized before Jericho gave me permi
ssion to leave.
They were all waiting in the parlor. Cousin Anne was serving tea. It might
have been the same as any other evening at home except for the way they loo
ked at me with the unease in their faces. It wasn't nice to see, and I was
trying to think of a graceful way to excuse myself without seeming rude.
Father saved me the trouble by stepping forward. "Come, Jonathan, I've some
 things to tell you. No need to bore everyone. The rest of you carry on as
you are."
A ripple went through them. Their faces all seemed strangely alike, blurred
 and blank, even Elizabeth's. Father took my arm and led me away to the lib
rary. He closed the door.
It was warm there. A fine big fire was blazing, merry as New Year. I was n
o longer cold, but the memory of it drove me to the hearth to hold my hand
s out to the flames. The heat baked my skin, soaked into the bones. Father
 moved up behind and came around, standing next to me. Watching.
"This feels very good," I said, uncomfortably conscious of his gaze.
He made no comment.
"You had some things to tell me, sir?" I prompted.
"When you can look me in the eye, laddie."
It was painful for some reason I didn't understand. Like looking into the sun
. His face was as blurred as the others. I tried blinking to clear my sight a
nd was shocked when tears spilled out.
"I'm sorry," I blurted.
"For what?"
"I... don't know."
"1"wasn't your fault, laddie."
I nodded and glumly swiped at my leaking eyes with both hands. It was stupid
, so very stupid of me to be like this. I wheeled from the fire and threw my
self on the settee. Snuffling. Father sat next to me. After a minute he put
his arms around my stiff body and got me to relax enough to lean against his
 chest. Like a child. Thus had he comforted me as a child.
"You're all right, laddie," he told me, his voice husky with his own tears.
That's what broke it. That's when I gave out with a breathy hiccup and trul
y wept. He held me and rocked me and stroked my hair and never once told me
 to hush, just kept doing that until I was able to stop. I finally sat up,
blindly fishing for the handkerchief Jericho always left in one of my pocke
ts. Father had one ready and put it into my hands. I blew my nose, wiped my
 eyes, and suddenly yawned. "Sorry."
"Don't be," he said genially. "How did you know?"
"When you came into the parlor looking like a drawn rope about to snap, the
possibility occurred to me. I've seen it before and it's no good trying to b
ury it. How do you feel?" "Not so drawn."
He saw that for himself well enough, but was reassured to hear it confirmed.
He went across to unlock his cabinet and poured out a bit of brandy, then loc
ked up again. The habit had ingrained itself in him in such a very short time
. He sat facing me in his favorite chair, the firelight playing warmly over h
is features.
"Well. Can you tell me all about it now?" I could. And did.
It was easier than the previous tellings. I didn't have to pretend to be bra
ve. I didn't have to lie. So very, very much easier it is to be able to tell
 the truth. I left out one thing only: the part about drinking Drummond's bl
ood. At the time it had been my survival, but here in the light and peace of
 my favorite room, it seemed unreal, even monstrous. I was not comfortable a
bout it—especially the fact I'd enjoyed the taste so very much—and was not p
repared to offer such a burden of knowledge to my dearly loved father. He ha
d more than enough troubles on his mind.
When I was done, he looked me over from top to toe and again I seemed to see
 myself through his eyes. There was worry there, of course, for my well-bein
g, but I appeared to be strong enough to handle things now. There was also r
elief: that I was safely home and if not totally undamaged, then at least ab
le to recover from it. "We've got the other fellow, Knox," he said. "Nash pu
t him into that blockhouse he had built last fall."
"Will there be a hanging?"
"I don't know. The man keeps saying he's a soldier and thus a prisoner of wa
r. Said he was doing his duty right and proper before his capture."
"Oh? And just how does he explain the ransom note he thought he was deliv
ering?"
"Denies it ever was a demand for ransom. Claims he was given to understand
 it was a request from you to ask for help getting home. The other men had
 captured you by mistake and he'd come to fetch a horse to bring you back.
 He volunteered to risk capture himself in order to do you a good turn. Ve
ry aggrieved, he is."
"Has he convinced Lieutenant Nash of this tale?"
"What do you think?"
My answer lay in my return expression and we both had a short, grim laugh.

Father sipped his brandy, then sighed. "Tomorrow Nash will take him 'round
 to Mrs. Montagu's home for her and the servants to have a look at him. Th
ere are a few other places in the county to go to as well if she can't ide
ntify him. He had no commission papers—"
"A hanging, then."
"Quite likely."
Silence fell upon us, lengthened, and was so complete that I was able to h
ear to the distant kitchen where Mrs. Nooth was supervising the dumping ou
t of my bathwater. Things were quiet in the parlor by comparison, just Nor
wood talking low, though I couldn't make out the words.
"Is Nash still out looking for me?"
I'd interrupted whatever gray thoughts had been floating between us. "What?
 Yes, 1 suppose he is. And in the wrong place. We were miles from where Bel
don and Lord James said they'd found you. Oh, well, it'll do him good. He w
ants the exercise and if he shakes up a few rebels, all the better."
"What made you break off from him and come home?"
"You. I trusted what you said in your note about trying to escape. Worked ou
t that you'd have to find shelter for the day, but you'd come home as quick
as you could after dark. Thought I should be here to check, to see if I was
right, and I was. Didn't expect that you'd hole yourself up like a badger in
 a burrow, though. Very ingenious, laddie."
"More like very desperate. Wish it'd been warmer, but if it had, then I'd hav
e been without cover altogether."
"That had me worried, that you'd be out in some open area for anyone to st
umble over. Knowing what you're like during the day, I'd feared you'd be t
aken for dead. There'd be misunderstandings, rumors—"
"Me having to influence everyone all over again." I shuddered. "No, thank y
ou."
Father chuckled.
And I thought of something. "Do you think Nash would let me talk to Knox
?"
"To what purpose?"
"I should like to get the truth from him."
He frowned for a time, knowing exactly what I meant. "A confession from hi
m will mean his death for certain, Jonathan."
"At this point I think that's a foregone conclusion."
Another frown. More silence. Then, "Very well. A gift you have and a gift you
 should use. Let its use be for finding the truth. Besides ..."
He trailed off; I urged him to continue.
" 'Tis only because I hate to admit it to myself, but I've a streak of vengea
nce in me. If he's one of the bastards who caused Mrs. Montagu so much distre
ss, then I'll want to be there at dawn to put the rope 'round his neck myself
."
Father finished his brandy and asked if I was up to facing the rest of the hou
sehold.
"Only if there's no fuss. I've had enough to last me for months."
He could make no guarantee against that, but said I could leave whenever i
t became too much.
This second attempt to rejoin their company was more successful. The pale
blurs were gone. Their faces were faces once more.
Thank God.
Elizabeth broke away from Norwood and came over to slip her arm around m
ine. "You had us so worried," she told me.
Apparently worried enough herself that in her relief she forgot all about Moth
er. I shot a glance in that lady's direction, but she wasn't reacting to us at
 all. She wore her usual joyless expression, nothing more. Well, I suppose it
was preferable to one of her insane tirades. She hadn't had one of those for a
 while, certainly not since the night I'd "talked" to her. Perhaps she was bui
lding up to one. I hoped otherwise.
"Yes," said Cousin Anne. "Very worried. It must have been horrid for you."

This was about the fourth time tonight she'd expressed that sentiment. I'd h
eard the other three when I'd been soaking in the tub. I laughed now, more f
reely than I thought myself capable of, and assured her I was fine.
Her eyes lingered on me. There was a touch more depth to them than before.
I wondered if that was from her own growth from this unpleasantness or beca
use we'd shared a few kisses. Perhaps both. I smiled, took her hand and gav
e it a gentle squeeze to say everything's all right. She tossed her head sl
ightly, smiling back.
Elizabeth made me sit in a comfortable chair and Anne asked if I wanted some
 tea. I accepted a cup with lots of sugar and pretended to sip, but it was e
asy to avoid drinking when all the questions started flowing freely once mor
e.
Mrs. Hardinbrook had a strong interest in what the men had been like and wh
at they had said.
"No words fit for a lady's ears, ma'am. Indeed, some of them made me blush.
" This raised a laugh.
Lady Caroline wanted to know why I hadn't come home right away if I'd ma
de my escape so very early that morning.
"Truth be told, I wasn't in the best of condition. A tap on the head and all t
hat rattling around in the back of a wagon for the worst part of fifteen miles
—I was fair exhausted. I found a deserted shack and simply fell asleep for the
 day."
Norwood was curious as to whether the men had given away any clues abou
t where they'd come from.
"Connecticut, for certain. Knox told them to take to a boat if they saw any tr
ouble coming. I expect they're there now, probably sitting in some rebel hoste
l and telling a very different version of this story."
More laughter.
"But we'll find out the truth tomorrow," I added.
"How so, sir?"
"I'm going to have a little talk with Knox."
"To what purpose? The man's lied his head off from the moment he was take
n."
I shrugged to show that that wasn't my fault. "I think he'll be truthful eno
ugh once he sees my face. Remember, he thinb I've been killed by his friends
 and no one the wiser. When I walk in on him the shock will turn him around,
 I'm sure."
"That should be interesting," said Beldon. "May I come along and observe t
his miracle?"
"I should welcome your company, Doctor, but would prefer a private intervie
w with the fellow first."
He graciously accepted the sense in that.
"May I come as well?" asked Norwood.
This must have been how Nash felt when, like it or not, the lot of us had d
ecided to go along with him to Mrs. Montagu's. There was no good reason to
refuse, though. But Father was coming, and I trusted he would help if any d
ifficulty arose.
"But tomorrow," put in Lady Caroline. "Mightn't it be rather soon for you? Y
ou really ought to rest a few days."
"I'd go tonight if I thought Lieutenant Nash would be there."
"You're in such a hurry?"
"There might be a chance to catch the other men once this one starts talking.
"
"But you just told us they'd be in Connecticut by now."
"True, but it doesn't mean they'll stay there. If they return, it would be ve
ry useful to know where and when and be ready for them."
"Good heavens, yes," said Mrs. Hardinbrook. "Why, they might even come her
e next, looking for revenge." She seemed to find that idea to be both alar
ming and fascinating.
I found it to be simply alarming.
Norwood bristled a bit. "They could certainly try, but they'd have the surpris
e of their lives if they did. Right, gentlemen?"
He got general assent for an answer. I went along with the others to be soc
iable. Norwood's interest in encountering excitement had bemused me before;
 now it had become something to bite my tongue over. I'd had my share and t
hen some, and knew it for a fool's wish. A nice quiet life was all I desire
d. I wondered why, if he was so keen to find adventure, he did not
join up with Howe's army. Certainly there must be a place for titled voluntee
rs wishing to serve their king. I could only think that he was reluctant to l
eave his sister on her own. Then there was Elizabeth. If he loved her as I lo
ved Nora, then running off to play soldier would be the last thing on his min
d.
But I was fairly sure that he was a bit envious of me. He questioned me ov
er and over about what had happened, eyes shining as he searched out every
 scrap of information from my memory. He was welcome to it, though I found
 no real charm in any of my talk. Perversely, the more I touched on the ne
gative aspects of it, the more solid his admiration became.
It was flattering, in its way, but wearing. He had no idea of the true cost t
o me. To have strangers come in and attempt to destroy your life for their ow
n gain is at best frightening, at worst, shattering. Father understood the hu
rt my soul had suffered, Norwood did not.
No, I thought, Lord James Norwood was better suited for something "safely"
dangerous, more along the lines of riding to the hounds. There was always t
he chance of falling and breaking one's neck, but if skillful and fairly lu
cky, one could return invigorated, content that death had been bravely over
come. However, he could choose to ride or not. I hadn't asked to be kidnapp
ed. That loss of control and choice was the single most important differenc
e between the dangers.
I could not see him going through what I had gone through and still emerge
 filled with the same sense of naive enthusiasm. Though he was nearing thi
rty, I wondered which of us was the older and decided it was me. Experienc
e can be very aging.
Elizabeth came over, put a hand on his arm and said, "Really, Lord James, y
ou're positively exhausting my poor brother."
His attention went from me to her with (to my eyes) visible difficulty, but hi
s face smoothly adjusted into a smile for her.
Elizabeth picked up on it, though. "I'm interrupting?"
"Not at all," he said. "And you're right. I'm being an imposition."
We made mock protests and other such talk, then they drifted away to thei
r favorite corner for more private converse. 1 watched them and then with
  suddenly kindled heat remembered Molly Audy.
With all the other events filling my brain, my discovery of his visits to her
  had been altogether pushed aside. The incident
and my questioning of Molly rolled to the front once more, leaving me flu
mmoxed and fuming over what to do next.
No happy solution presented itself beyond a base desire to break every bone
in his body. But, as satisfying as this might prove to be for me, I had to r
eluctantly admit that what went on between them was not really my business.
If she found out, Elizabeth was more than capable of taking care of herself.
If she found out.
/ could not be the the one to tell her. Any interference on my part would be
  a most unwise and importune course to take.
Still, if he upset Elizabeth with his actions, I'd be there for her. Fists at ready
.
The next night, Father, Beldon, Norwood, and I sedately rode into Glenbriar
. Father and Norwood had already been there early in the morning to sort th
ings out with Nash. That worthy officer chose not to complain about their t
ardy report of my return home, for he was still in awe of Norwood's title a
nd wished to present himself in a good light. He managed to do just that by
  swiftly dispatching himself with a troop of men to the road where I'd been
  found. They eventually located the hovel where I'd been taken, but the pla
ce was bare of rebels. There was a wagon in the barn, but no horses and no
sign of a boat. Nash, with his ever acquisitive turn of mind, had confiscat
ed the wagon, then ordered the burning of the house and barn.
"Why on earth did you do that, sir?" asked Norwood with some justifiable my
stification. The four of us were with Nash at The Oak, listening to the acc
ount of his day.
"Because it's one less sanctuary for them to use," he replied.
"But the owner of the property—-"
"Was not on the premises. A diligent search was made, I assure you."
"Seems to me," said Father, "that you could have quartered some of your me
n there."
"Possibly, but I considered it to be too far distant." From the long pause pr
eceding Nash's statement, we could tell he hadn't before now considered the i
dea at all.
"Pity about that. If the rebels had decided to try returning, you'd have had t
hem cold."
Nash reddened. "If they return, I'm sure the Suffolk Militia will be able to d
eal with them."
This was met with the kind of silence in which much is said. It was well kno
wn that the loyalty of Suffolk County was at the best, debatable, and that's
 what we were all thinking, including, belatedly, Nash.
"I'd like to see this Knox fellow," I said, before things got too embarrassing.

He'd already agreed that I could have my private talk, though he would hav
e guards standing ready outside. The memory of the two escapees last fall
was with him, and even if he'd been made to forget who had helped them, he
 was not inclined to take further chances. Now he fairly leaped at my offe
red distraction and issued orders for the man to be removed and brought in
 from the blockhouse.
"Where will you interview him?" asked Norwood.
I deferred to Nash, who said, "This room will suit, I think. The door is stou
t and the window too small for a fellow his size to squeeze through. Just rem
ember that we'll be just out here if you want help with him."
I thanked him and then retired to a dark corner so Knox wouldn't see me unti
l it was time. Not that it was necessary; I could make him talk no matter wh
at. This was for the benefit of the others.
Soon four large soldiers marched Knox inside, their heavy steps thundering
 throughout the inn along with the clank and clink of chains. They shoved
their charge in with me and came out again, slamming the door.
He was not in the best of condition. His tough face bore some truly colorful
 bruises, and one eye had swollen shut. He moved stiffly, evidence of more b
ruising along the rest of his body. His clothes were more ragged than before
 and much dirtier. He dragged over to the table in the center and dropped we
arily into a chair. I had no pity for him. He and his cronies had been all t
oo ready to kill me, and they'd certainly killed others. If I could prevent
them from continuing, well and good; I was glad of the privilege.
I stepped from the shadows and slipped into a chair opposite him with the
table in between. Folding my hands before me, I looked at him and waited.
Though there were plenty of candles lighting the place, recognition came sl
owly to him. The last time he'd seen me, I'd been in roughly the same pligh
t he was in now, injured, and with other people deciding his fate. A change
 of clothing and
posture had made a significant difference in my appearance.
" 'O're you?" he asked with a ghost of belligerence. There wasn't sufficient f
orce in his voice for it to be a demand.
I studied him long, then said, "Jonathan Barrett."
The color draining out of his face made the bruises seem that much worse. H
is one good eye grew wide and his mouth sagged and the breath went right ou
t of him as though I'd hit him hard in the belly.
"I—I didn't ever want t' 'urt you, mister—" he began.
"Never mind that, I'm not interested in your excuses. All 1 want is for you to
 listen to me."
"Listen?"
I leaned closer. "Yes . . . listen ..." I went on, speaking steadily, calming
him, putting him in a state that would make him very eager to answer any quest
ion at all.
His expression went slack, as they all did. It was a disturbing kind of vacuit
y, as though I'd stolen his soul, leaving behind a breathing but utterly empty
 vessel of a body.
Ignore it, I thought. "Now you're going to tell me all about your friends As
h, Tully, Abel, and Seth." I left out Drummond, confident that the fellow wa
s applying himself to more constructive pursuits by now.
"Tell you . . ."
Now that I had him in such a helpless state, it was hard to keep my emotions
in check. I sensed that if I allowed myself to let loose of any shard of my a
nger at this point, the results for Knox would be very distressing, indeed.
"Everything," I said, putting all my concentration into it until my head began
 to hurt and I had to ease off.
"Wha . . . ?"
He'd need guidance. I couldn't expect to get useful information from him unl
ess I came up with specific questions. Well, I had no end of those; which on
e first?
Before I could draw breath for it I was interrupted by the abrupt sound of
glass breaking, very close. My eyes shot to the small window. One of the pa
nes was gone; bits of it lay on the floor below. The row had made me jump a
nd after that I froze, staring. Nothing happened for what seemed like a lon
g time, but could only have been a second or two. I started to move, though
 I had no idea exactly what I was going to do. Go to the window and look ou
t, perhaps. I was too startled to call to the soldiers outside. There was n
o time, anyway. The
brief two seconds passed and then came the hard, harsh bang of a pistol bein
g fired.
Knox instantly slumped forward.
1 must have yelled. The door flew open and men crowded in, but it was all o
ver. They found me with my back pressed hard against the wall, as if trying
 to melt right through it. They wouldn't have been far wrong, either.
Knox was sprawled over the table with a terrible hole on one side of his sk
ull and his brains and blood spilling out a much larger one on the other. Q
uestions were shouted at me. All I could do was point at the window and one
 bright lad finally got the idea and bellowed something to Nash. A lot of c
onfusion followed as some went to peer through the opening and others left
to run outside.
The bloodsmell was everywhere, all but choking me the way it filled the room
. One image impressed itself upon my overtaxed brain: the stream of blood fl
owing across the table and falling over its edge to the floor. I clearly hea
rd the soft drip-drip-drip of it as it formed a ghastly puddle almost at my
feet.
Then Father was suddenly there, looking as sick and horrified as I felt, but
 there, and dragged me out, thank God.
I was shaking, chilled through by sudden cold. Father got me to the common
 room and made me sit close before the big fireplace, somehow managing to
wrest a sanctuary for us from the general tumult. I shut my eyes against i
t, held onto him, and shuddered once.
"It's all right, laddie," he murmured just loud enough so that only I could
hear him. That pulled me away from the worst of it, and soon after, either w
armed by the fire or by his soothing voice, my shivering stopped.
Beldon emerged from the death room, shaking his head to confirm what we
all knew, that Knox was well beyond any earthly help.
He knelt before me to peer into my eyes and asked if I needed anything. I gu
lped and began to laugh in his face.
Father gripped my shoulder tightly. "Jonathan, behave yourself," he said in a
 severe voice.
That worked, helping to steady me. "I'm all right," I said after a minute, an
d was reasonably sure I meant it. Another gulp and I was able to haltingly te
ll them what little I knew.
"My God," said Beldon. Both men were clearly shocked.
"Where's Lord James?" I asked.
Father pointed toward the outside door of the inn where many of the soldiers
 had gone. "As soon as he understood the situation, he was off to the hunt."

Glory-seeker, I thought. "He's welcome to it, if he doesn't get his head blo
wn . . ." My eyes were drawn back toward the room, but I couldn't see anythi
ng of Knox's body because of the many other people trying to get in for a lo
ok. Just as well.
"I'm going, too," Beldon announced and hurried away. Father and I followe
d him.
There wasn't much wind, but it slapped enough to sting. I shivered with a co
ld that was more imagined than actually felt and walked around the building
until I reached the little window. It was small owing to the expense of glas
s at the time this part of the inn had been built. It had shutters, but they
'd been pushed back to let in the meager winter light and no one had bothere
d to close them again; otherwise the assassin might have been stymied.
I thought I caught a whiff of acrid powder on the air, but discounted it a
s more imagination. The breeze would have swept that away by now. Several
soldiers were gathered at this spot and I recognized a few, including my s
ometime tutor for German, Eichelburger. He and the others were making much
 ado over two prizes, one a pistol, the other a length of wood.
"What is it?" I asked in German.
He hefted the pistol, holding it so the light coming from the broken window
 fell upon it. I moved closer and realized I'd not been mistaken. The smell
 of powder lingered around the thing. "This he dropped, the killer. This"—h
e waved the piece of wood—"was used to break the glass."
I translated for Father and Beldon. "Where is Lieutenant Nash?"
He gestured at the empty yard around the inn and what lay beyond.
"Did anyone see who fired?"
Eichelburger shook his head. "We'll get him."
I did not suffer from his confidence and broke away to walk toward the limi
ts of the yard. The wind carried vague sounds to me of men crashing about i
n the dark.
"It's hopeless," I said to Father when he caught up with me. "They can't see
a thing in this. They need help."
"Good God, you're not thinking of—" But he saw that I was. "Jonathan, you'
ve had enough for one night, you've had more than enough for a lifetime."
"Perhaps so, but I have to get out and do something."
His patience was thinning, but he was willing to stretch it a bit more. "Do
you now?"
I took stock of myself. I'd been badly shaken, but was far from being a comp
lete wreck over the unpleasantness and told him as much. "Those bastards plu
cked me up, carrying me off like I was just more stolen livestock, and just
when I thought I might be able to do something about it, they took that away
 as well. Perhaps I'm being a fool wanting to find the killer of a killer, b
ut if I have to stand idle, waiting for Nash to come back empty-handed, as d
oubtless he will, I shall go mad from it."
He frowned for a long time, then finally half-lifted his arms as if to give in
. "You're ho fool, laddie. I know how you feel. I'd like to come along, but 't
will be better if I stay. This lot around the inn are running around like head
less chickens. They're wanting some one to argue 'em calm again. Just don't le
t yourself be seen. The soldiers out there are liable to be skittish. And for
God's sake, be careful."
I gave him my most solemn word on that point.
There had not been any fresh snow in the last day or so; the ground had been
 well-churned by dozens of passing feet and I wasn't enough of a skilled woo
dsman to tell old tracks from new under these circumstances. But I wasn't pl
anning to trail anyone if I could help it. I walked as quickly as I could, t
aking the general direction of the soldiers. They were out of sight and near
ly beyond hearing; I deemed it safe to let myself fade away and rise on the
wind like smoke.
Practice told me about how high I was: a little above the treetops. There I
took on just enough solidity to see and hoped that none of the hunters below
 chanced to look up.
I spotted a few of them, gray shapes on gray ground, in a hurry, yet trying
 to be cautious. Willing myself ahead, I saw more and more and by their mov
ements discerned they were all part of Nash's troop. None of them was purpo
sefully rushing forward in that way a fugitive might.
An hour passed, they searching below, me circling high above and ranging f
ar ahead of them. Neither of us saw anything. They headed north, toward th
e coast, and once there
covered the shoreline, but I could have told them it was useless. No boats
 had been launched that I had seen. Though the killer had had a good head
start and just might have escaped that way, I was not inclined to think so
. He'd probably gone to ground in one of any number of places. Nassau Coun
ty was loyal, but there were pockets of sedition here and there that a reb
el might know about. Whoever had done for Knox was probably sheltering in
any of a hundred innocuous buildings between the inn and the Sound.
Pale and tired from all my skyward exertions, I returned to Glenbriar and f
ound Father and Beldon waiting for me at The Oak. Lieutenant Nash had come
back a little earlier, just as weary and tremendously disgruntled.
"I'll hear your story of what happened, if you please, sir," he said to me.
I told him, unable to add any more details, though he very much wanted the
m.
"You saw nothing through the window?" he asked, just on the polite side of
exasperation.
"Only a vague shape. The candles in the room made reflections on the remaini
ng glass. I glimpsed the smoke, but that was all. At first, I couldn't belie
ve what I'd seen or what had been done."
We were in the common room, surrounded by a few more soldiers and many mo
re townspeople. Cold as it was, the front windows were open, and others o
utside had draped themselves over the sills to catch the news.
"And you found no sign of where he'd gone?" I asked in turn.
Nash frowned mightily. "My men are still looking. Lord James thought he s
aw something and took himself away after it."
"Not alone, I hope."
"No, certainly not."
Mr. Farr, supremely unhappy that such an awful murder had occurred in his
 house, pushed forward. "What I want to know is why anyone would do such
a wretched thing. I run a very respectable place and this—" He clenched h
is hands, shaking them for want of words to express his outrage and fear.
"Revenge, possibly," said Dr. Beldon. "There are people aplenty hereabout
s who would be happy to see someone like Knox in hell."
"He'd have been sent there soon as we were done with him," Nash grumbled.
 "First those two escapes and now this one shot before we could hang him.
 Mark me, I think his own rebel friends murdered him so he wouldn't betra
y them to us."
This inspired a rumbling murmur of agreement from the crowded room. Not on
e of us—least of all I—had any doubts over the viciousness of the so-calle
d patriots who had troubled the whole county. That they should turn upon o
ne of their own to save themselves was a dreadful and cowardly act, but no
t terribly surprising.
Nash was not only partial to his idea, but more than willing to act upon it.
"Mr. Barrett, I'll want a complete description of the men who kidnapped you,
as much as you can remember right down to the least scrap of clothing on thei
r backs. Write it out. I want something I can pass along to my men. I'll be f
inding these traitors if I have to turn over every stone in the county."
May 1777
"You're more quiet than usual," observed Elizabeth. "I didn't know it was us
ual for me to be quiet." "It has been lately. What's been bothering you?" "L
ong days and short nights." For me, such a complaint had quite a bit differe
nt meaning than it did for other people. "And nothing else?"
"Waiting for Nora to reply, or at least for Oliver to send a letter. It's bee
n ages." Plenty of time for a letter to find its way to the Warburton family
in Italy and for them to pass it on to Nora. I worried that it had gone astra
y somehow, undelivered while I sat half a world away impatiently fuming for a
n answer that would never come.
"I thought it might be because of those men," she said. That was how the h
ousehold had come to refer to Ash and the other cutthroats. "Why should yo
u think that?" "Because that's when you started being so quiet." And also
when I discovered Norwood's liaison with Molly Audy. I didn't like having
the knowledge, and keeping it a secret was affecting my behavior with Eliz
abeth. I was tempted to unburden myself about it, if not to her then to Fa
ther, or perhaps even Beldon, but since that time Norwood had not gone who
ring. Of that I was sure since I'd made a habit of "questioning" Molly whe
never I paid my respects. At least, a whispering voice in my head said, he
 hadn't been whoring
with her. With all the soldiers around, there were any number of camp follo
wers about, and if not as pretty or as skilled as Molly, they were cheap. I
 remembered her mention of his parsimony over the price.
A little "talk" between us would clear the air and either cancel my doubts or
 confirm them. If the latter, then Norwood and I would have a very serious ta
lk, indeed. But I'd been putting it off, as one does any potentially unpleasa
nt task.
"You haven't said much about it." Elizabeth brought me back to the present
 with her misplaced assumption about my reticence.
"Haven't really wanted to. Or needed to," I added, looking up at her with as
 much reassurance as I could muster.
She met my eyes over the mound of sewing piled before her on the dining ta
ble and hopefully saw that her gentle concern was appreciated, but not nec
essary.
"What about yourself?" I asked. "Getting nervous?"
"Only about whether I'll have this finished in time." She indicated the satin
 and silk she was sewing together.
"You will."
"So everyone tells me."
"The others would help if you'd let them."
She smiled and shook her head. "No, thank you. Sewing my own wedding dress
 has long been a fancy of mine, and I'll not ask others to share it with m
e."
The initial formalities had come and gone months ago. Lord James Norwood as
ked Elizabeth if he might petition Father for her hand in marriage and had
been answered in a most positive manner. Father had granted permission in h
is turn, with the reluctance and pride all fathers experience when they mus
t give up their daughters, and since then the house had been busy with prep
arations for the wedding. Much of it had to do with the making of many new
clothes for the bride, and while Elizabeth had gratefully accepted help for
 her other dresses and things, she'd reserved the most important project fo
r herself.
It was taking longer than expected. Amid the housecleaning, the hiring of ne
w servants, the parties of congratulation and celebration and the thousand o
ther details that seemed to arise when two people decide to join forces, Eli
zabeth hadn't had much time for her project. She rose early before the sun t
o work and was still at it long after dark. I kept her company,
for the time was fast approaching when we would no longer be able to have
these quiet talks. Soon Norwood would sweep her away and things would neve
r be the same again. Well could I understand Father's mixed feelings in th
e matter. I was happy for Elizabeth's happiness, but sorry for myself at l
osing her. I'd picked up a slight edge in her tone, or thought I had. "Has
 Mother been troublesome?" "What do you mean?" "I just wondered if anythin
g had happened today."
"No. She's been quiet enough."
True, very true. Since that one talk I'd had with her, Mother had been behav
ing with remarkable restraint. She still ignored us as much as possible, but
 was otherwise almost civil. There was a marked lessening of her biting sarc
asm, no shows of temper, no tantrums, no berserk fits, and far more importan
t to me, no laudanum turning up in Father's tea. He commented now and then a
bout the change in her, but thought it to be a result of Elizabeth's physica
l confrontation with her last December. I knew better, but still did not car
e to enlighten him about it, and if he'd guessed, he kept it to himself. As
he cautiously (and more discreetly) resumed visiting with Mrs. Montagu, I fo
und a great easing for any strain my conscience might have felt over the mat
ter.
"What about her toady, then?" Things had been rather uneasy between Elizab
eth and Mrs. Hardinbrook lately. The lady's disappointment at Elizabeth's
marrying Norwood instead of Beldon had festered into bitterness.
"She's a fool and a wretch," Elizabeth said in a low voice. She flushed deep
red and promptly pricked her finger on her next stitch.
I picked up the bloodsmell right away, but easily dismissed it. "What's she
done?"
"It's what she says, and she says it in the nicest way possible. I'd managed to
 forget about it until now."
But not very well, since I'd noticed something wasn't quite right with her. "
Tell me."
She stopped sewing and heaved a great sigh. "It was this afternoon when we w
ere receiving some of Mother's cronies. Even if she doesn't look at me if sh
e can help it, I had to be there. It's usually bearable, but Mrs. Hardinbroo
k had her head together with that awful cat, Mrs. Osburn. She was talking ju
st loud enough for me to hear, but not enough so that I could
really make a comment about it. You know how they—" "Yes, I've seen it in p
ractice. Go on." "She was all pleasantries about me, but what she was sayin
g was still full of spite." "What did she say?"
"Well, it was about how lucky I was that Lord James had picked me. So very
lucky that I hadn't ended up an old maid, after all. You'd think that James
 and I hadn't come to our determination together or that he'd taken pity on
 me or something."
"The bitch," I said evenly.
"Then she started going on about all the money he'd come into once we were m
arried and as much as implied that that was why he'd proposed. They laughed
about it, because she'd make a joke of it, but it wasn't nice laughter. I lo
oked at her to let her know I'd heard and all she did was smile back, preten
ding otherwise. How I hate her." "She's a fool, definitely, and not worth yo
ur notice." "I try to think that, but it's hard. I don't know how a person c
an go to church every Sunday, appear to listen so closely, and then act as s
he does toward me. It's wicked."
"The more so because she knows what's she's doing to you."
Her lips came together a moment and there was an excess of water in her e
yes. "You don't know about this, but when you came home hurt from Mrs. Mo
ntagu's . . ." "What?"
"Well, I overheard that beastly woman asking our mother who would get you
r share of Grandfather's estate should something happen to you."
That left me stunned at her bad manners, but not too terribly surprised.
"I—damnation—I'm finding myself cringing inside like a child whenever I see
her, waiting for the next bit of poison to come spewing out. Sometimes I kno
w what she's going to say next and then she says it, as though she's hearing
 my very thoughts. I don't know how Dr. Beldon puts up with her. Sometimes a
ll I want to do is .. ." One of her hands formed into a fist, then she let i
t relax. "But if I did that then I'd feel awful afterward." "Not nearly so b
ad as Mrs. Hardinbrook. She'd feel much
worse."
She glanced up, her eyes slowly kindling with the beginnings of a smile. "Y
ou think so?"
"Oh, yes. She'd feel terrible. Can you imagine her consternation trying to cov
er the bruises with rice flour? There wouldn't be enough of that stuff on the
Island to do a proper job of it."
Elizabeth fell into my humor, speculating, "I could black her eye . . ."
"Knock out a tooth or two in the front. .."
"Cut her hair and throw her wigs down the well.. ."
"I wouldn't go that far, it'd foul the water."
By then she was laughing freely and when it had worn itself out, I saw that
her usual good spirits had reasserted themselves.
"There," I said. "The next time you see her, try thinking of her as looking l
ike that. She'll go mad trying to figure out what's amusing you so much."
"I don't know how I shall manage without you, little brother."
"You won't be living that far away. I shall visit so often, you and James will
 be sick of seeing my face."
"Never." She went back to her sewing again. "But I know that things will c
hange. They always do when someone gets married. I've seen it happen to my
 friends, how they break away and move on like leaves dropping from a tree
. The wind catches them up and off they go. I shouldn't like that."
"Then make sure James knows and perhaps you can avoid it."
"I can tell him, but there are some things that can't be avoided. You know h
e's talked about taking me to England. We'll probably even stay there. I mig
ht never see you or Father ever again." She looked in danger of tears.
"You can always call off the wedding."
The danger instantly passed. "I can't do that!"
"Well, then." I spread my hands.
She made a kind of growling sigh. "All right. Perhaps I am getting nervous."

"You've every right to be considering what you're taking on. It's not only ge
tting married, but setting up your own household, getting the servants to wor
k together ..."
She nearly shuddered. "I can handle the ones I engage well enough, but that
  Harridge fellow makes me feel like I should
curtsy every time he walks into the room."
In the front hall or the servants' hall, Norwood's valet was not a popular man
.
"He's going to be a perfect ogre to the others, I know it," she said.
"Keep him busy enough with duties and maybe he won't have the time for it.
  That should be easy with all the work to be done in the new house."
She muttered a guarded agreement, but I could see the reminder of what wa
s to come had been a cheering one. She was very much looking forward to s
etting up her own home.
By some miracle Norwood had found a suitable dwelling halfway between Glenb
riar and Glenbriar Landing and had rented it, calling it their "nuptial cot
tage." The miracle had been .finding anything at all. By now Long Island wa
s not only flooded with soldiers, but with prisoners of war, and all of the
m in need of lodging. I suspected that Norwood had used his own kind of inf
luence to secure it, trading on his title as much and as often as possible.
It was no vast hall, but certainly much more than a cottage, having belonge
d to a gentleman who had had the misfortune of being home when the zealous
Colonel Heard and his troop of traitors had come calling over a year ago. H
eard had already been to Hempstead hell-bent on extracting oaths of loyalty
  for his American "congress." Father had been caught up in that farce himse
lf and had managed to shrug it off, but this other gentleman had not. Keenl
y feeling the humiliation of being forced to take an oath to support an ill
egal government he'd neither voted for or wanted, he'd put his place up for
  sale and packed his family off to Canada that summer—just before Lord Howe
's arrival.
The house stood empty for only as long as it took for some officers to clai
m it and move in, and, being gentlemen, they hadn't the faintest idea how t
o organize anything of a domestic nature. It became very run-down, very qui
ckly, enough so that any prospective buyer would turn away before passing t
he gate. The officers had long moved out, following Lord Howe to New York.
With no owner present and the agent for the sale desperate for any kind of
money, he'd been most eager to agree to the pittance Norwood had offered in
 the way of rent. His lordship had pointed out, quite correctly, that the h
ouse needed repairs and the only other likely occupants would be prisoners
with little or no money at all. An agreement was made, and Norwood and hi
s bride would soon be taking up residence.
Far too soon for me. I would miss my sister very much. Far more than when
I'd been packed off to Cambridge. It didn't matter that she'd be living on
ly a couple of miles away, things would change between us.
I supposed that it would be easier if I liked Norwood better, but that busin
ess about Molly had infused me with a difficult to overcome prejudice. For E
lizabeth's sake I'd tried not to let it bother me and had been fairly succes
sful. Time would inform me on whether I could maintain the attitude with any
 degree of sincerity.
"You're quiet again."
Time to make an effort, I thought, and assumed a sadly serious face. "Well, I
... had a question for you."
She caught my tone and put aside the sewing once more, giving me all her a
ttention, and bracing herself for whatever was to come.
"Tell me, when you write letters will you sign yourself as 'Elizabeth' or as
 'Lady James Norwood'?"
She threw her thimble at me.
The spring lambing had been good, despite the best efforts by the army comm
issary, and it looked like we'd be having if not a profitable year, then at
 least a comfortable one. Nash kept himself very busy, ranging farther afie
ld searching out the Island's bounty, but under my "tutelage" he'd turned i
nto quite an honest fellow, paying the farmers for their goods. Mind you, i
t was a terrific wrench against his basic nature, so he was never too comfo
rtable whenever he saw me coming. The lukewarm smile he wore when I walked
into The Oak's common room tonight was the best that could be expected give
n the circumstances.
I hailed him like a long-lost friend and asked if I could have the pleasure
of buying him a drink. Several of the regular customers, hoping to take a sh
are of my generosity, soon crowded in to give me their greetings. Eternally
parched Noddy Milverton moved in right next to me without my having to troub
le myself to arrange it.
Nash accepted the offer and somehow all the others were included, and they
 drank to my health.
"Anything in the post, Mr. Farr?" I asked.
"A few things did chance to come in today," he said, fetching them. Chance
indeed, for the post had not been a model of efficiency lately. He lay a st
ring-tied packet before me and 1 made use of my penknife to cut it open. Ha
d my heart been beating, it would have been audible from my surge of hope.
But the hope was short-lived and the dashing of it was not unnoticed.
"Nothing from England?" sympathized Farr. He knew from my almost nightly v
isits to his place that I was expecting an important letter from there.
"No." Some stuff for Father from Hempstead, some things for Elizabeth, a
note for Beldon. My disappointment was very acute. Noddy Milverton took t
he opportunity to swiftly drain my ale and continue his simpleminded inno
cence. "Sorry."
"Another time, then." I asked for and got the latest gossip. There had been
 a raid at Sands Cove, with stock carried off in whaleboats. A valuable bul
l had been part of the haul, and the unhappy owner was both enraged and sic
kened that his breeding animal was probably already hanging from a hook in
some distant butchery.
"What's to be done about it?" I asked Nash, rather unfairly putting him on th
e spot in front of everyone.
But he'd heard that question often enough and was ready for it. "All that ca
n be done. The men up there watch the coast like hawks, but they can't be ev
erywhere at once." "There oughter be a way o' stoppin' 'urn," someone put in
. "There is. The army is doing its best to track down the traitors across th
e Sound. Once order is restored you'll be free of trouble soon enough."
No one was encouraged by this pronouncement, but they'd not get anything dif
ferent from him and knew better than to try. Most retired to other parts of
the room, grumbling a little, but not to the point of rudeness. Nash was con
tent to ignore them. "This raid at Sands Cove," I said in a lower voice. "An
y familiar faces there?"
He knew I meant Ash and his lot. "The descriptions were too vague to be sur
e. The fellows were definitely from Connecticut by their talk, according to
 the farmer. The rest of his family had been badly frightened, but he—well,
 I've rarely seen a man so spitting mad before. Thought he'd burst a blood
vessel from it."
He must have been angry indeed for Nash to notice, having so blithely annoy
ed quite a lot of people with his collections. I made no comment on it. "Th
en there's been no fresh word on any of them?"
"None."
As there seemed little point in continuing the conversation, I bade him a p
olite good evening and retired to one of the chairs to listen to the other
men's gossip. Nash, I thought, glimpsing at him from the corner of my eye,
looked relieved. It must have been hard on him, always being vaguely uncomf
ortable about me and never knowing why.
The talk was more of the same, but leavened with a curse or two directed at
the troublemakers. Occasionally the British army or the Hessians were the ta
rgets of their ire, but only in the lowest of tones. I fell under the eye of
 Mr. Curtis, who gestured for me to come closer, which I did. Room was made
and I sat next to him.
"Well, Mr. Barrett, is that reward you're offering still good?"
Months ago I'd put up a sum of money for the arrest of my kidnappers. So far
no one had been able to claim it. "It is."
"Real money?"
"In gold. What do you know?"
He didn't quite answer the question. "Just wanted to be sure of it in case we
ran into 'em."
My brows went up. "You think there's a chance of that?"
He and the others were amused. "I reckon we might see a new face an' it woul
dn't hurt to be wise about it."
"No, not at all."
More amusement and I joined them, albeit grimly now that I understood what
they were about. Connecticut had its raiders, and so now did Long Island, a
nd I was sitting with a few of them. It was a clear night, with a bright fu
ll moon, though, else they'd already be out trying to repay the many insult
s our neighbor across the Sound had made to us. I could imagine both sides
passing each other in their whaleboats, all unknowing, the next time condit
ions for a stealthy crossing occurred.
"Mr. Curtis, I was wondering if you'd heard anything about raiders coming
in from Suffolk County."
"I'm not as near there as you are. You'd know more'n me, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, but you have been blessed with a sharper ear than most. I thought s
ome word might have come your way."
He shook his head. "What's your idea?"
"It's something Mr. Nash just said about the thieves he missed catching." I
 won a smile from them at Nash's expense.
"What 'uz that?"
"He said they must have been from Connecticut from their talk, and it seemed
 to me to have two meanings, that they either spoke of the place or the plac
e itself was in their speech. An accent."
"What of it?"
"Well, I was recalling how those men spoke to me, and I don't think one of
them had a Connecticut accent."
"It don't mean that they weren't from there, though. Lots of folk have had t
o move around with this war on."
"Perhaps so. But it was a very windy night back then and even after the wind
 had died, the sea would be no friend to anyone in a boat trying to make the
 crossing. I was thinking it might be easier for them to row along the shore
 for a few miles until they were deeper into Suffolk County."
"I'm no whaling man, but it makes sense to me. What'll you do about it?"
"There's not much I can do, except pass the word on to Mr. Nash and hope
some good comes of it."
"Then good luck to you both, I'm sure."
Now the laugh was at my expense, I took it good-naturedly, knowing full wel
l the seed had been planted. If any of them heard a whisper, I'd know about
 it. I wished them good luck in turn and took my leave.
Even after spending some time with (and money on) Molly Audy, I was home ag
ain just before midnight, and slightly startled to see lights still burning
 in the music room. I peered in the window. Mother, Mrs. Hardinbrook, Beldo
n, and Lady Caroline were at cards. Beldon and Lady Caroline were yawning t
heir heads off. This was the latest I'd ever seen any of them stay up to pl
ay, but Mother was quite addicted to the games after all. If she insisted o
n another hand or two, she could count on Mrs. Hardinbrook to enthusiastica
lly join in, dragging her brother along. Lady Caroline played, I thought, t
o be polite.
The rest of the house was dark and quiet, with everyone else presumably in
bed. Father wasn't home, having left for an overnight trip to Hempstead, th
ough I knew him to really
be at Mrs. Montagu's. I wished him well. No doubt he'd left a stack of work
for me in the library, but it wouldn't hurt to delay my start on it for a wh
ile. Molly had, as usual, put me into a mellow frame of mood and mind; I was
 content to stand outside and watch.
And wait.
The game went on, with Beldon and Lady Caroline growing more sleepy by the
 minute. Even Mrs. Hardinbrook was starting to droop. Mother was quite ale
rt, though, her movements crisp. There was a certain nervousness in her ma
nner, but that was familiar to us all. She had been staying up later and l
ater over the months, asking for just one more hand, or continuing a conve
rsation beyond its natural close. I don't think she slept very well, for I
'd heard her pacing in her room at odd hours. Beldon gave her sleeping dra
ughts when she asked for them, and though she drank them straight down, th
ey must not have been doing her much good.
Now she looked to be trying the patience of her staunches! supporter, for wh
en the hand was finished, Mrs. Hardinbrook made a great show of weariness an
d rose. Beldon lurched to his feet as well, then Lady Caroline. Mother remai
ned seated and I felt an unexpected stab of pity for her as she looked up at
 them. She looked . . . lost. I hadn't forgotten how she never let herself b
e alone if she could help it.
It was probably awful for her, but there was little I could do about it. I had
other things to concern me.
Beldon escorted Lady Caroline out of the room. They'd likely go straight up
to their respective beds. Excellent. Mrs. Hardinbrook lingered, putting the
cards away and offering one-word replies to anything Mother said. She put ou
t all but two of the candles, taking one for herself and giving the other to
 Mother.
I pushed away from the window and, fading slightly, willed myself to silentl
y drift around the house toward the back. It was still a clear night, but th
is side was in deep shadow, so I thought I could risk such behavior. The lat
e hour was very much in my favor as well; all the servants would be asleep,
even the lordly Mr. Harridge. I let myself rise up to a second-floor window,
 faded away completely, and sieved through the shutters. There was a moment
of brittle discomfort as I crossed the glass barrier of the window, then I w
as floating free in the hallway.
Waiting still, but not for long.
A door closed down the hall and around a corner. Mother's. Now Mrs. Hardi
nbrook would be coming along to her room. I went solid and saw that I was
 right. The glow of her candle announced her approach. She didn't half gi
ve a jump when she saw me standing by the window.
"Oh! Mr. Barrett, whatever are you doing there?"
"Just making sure the window is bolted. Can't be too careful these days."
"One certainly can't. Well, good night."
"A moment, please, I had a question for you."
That also surprised her, for I never spoke to her if I could avoid it.
"Yes, what is it?"
I stepped closer into the light so she could see me.
It didn't take long. And I'd had plenty of practice with people like Nash . .
. and Drummond. I got her attention, saw her brightly empty face grow a little
 emptier, and that was that.
"1 want you to cease being so cruel toward Elizabeth. Do you understand m
e?"
She whispered that she did. The candle began to tremble. I took it away befo
re she dropped it.
"There's no room in this house for any of your spite. You can be civil or you
 needn't say anything at all. Understand?"
"Yes..."
Unpleasant woman, but perhaps less so now. "That's very kind of you, then."
 I released her from my influence. "I shall bid you a good night, Mrs. Hard
inbrook."
She blinked several times and became suddenly puzzled at how her candle had
 jumped into my hand without her noticing. I didn't bother to explain, but
gave it back to her with a little bow. Disturbed, she scuttled into her roo
m and shut the door between us. I turned away, only just managing to keep m
y laughter silent. Though I'd not mention it to her, this was one of my wed
ding presents to Elizabeth. With all the other things claiming her attentio
n, she could do without Mrs. Hardinbrook's little observations and innuendo
s. After the wedding it wouldn't matter, but at least until then there woul
d be a bit more peace in the household. I stopped dead cold. Damnation.
Beldon was standing at the corner, holding a candle high in one hand, with
a book in the other. He'd probably been
on his way to the library and had obviously seen and heard everything. I kne
w that what I'd said to Mrs. Hardinbrook had been innocent enough, if a trif
le rude, but it might still be taken as a very odd exchange. From the look o
n his face, he'd correctly interpreted it in that manner. He stared and star
ed and stared, not moving, hardly even breathing.
I stared back, not knowing what to do or say until the long silence began to
 pile up between us, thick and dreadful, and I came to the reluctant conclus
ion I'd have to influence him as well. To make him forget what he'd seen.
But he never gave me that chance. He whipped around, heading for his room.
 Heart in my belly, I went after him.
"Dr. Beldon," I whispered, putting some urgency, not unmixed with exasperat
ion, into it.
He surprised me again by stopping cold in the hallway. He did not turn to
face me, but did wait, back all stiff, for me to catch him up. When I was
even with him, he gave every evidence of acute discomfort. "Doctor—" "Mr.
Barrett—"
Knowing ahead of time that I would certainly have the last word, I indicated
 for him to go ahead.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I did not intend to intrude upon your conversation w
ith Deborah." "You what?"
"I should have said something when I passed by, but I thought it best to ... wel
l. . ."
That's when I abruptly realized that his reaction was not that of fear, but
rather tremendous embarrassment. Well-a-day.
"Deborah," he continued, "often forgets that we are your guests. She's not a ve
ry clever woman, that is to say... I've tried to talk to her, but she's never b
een one to listen to me."
I started to speak, but he raised one hand. "No, please, I just wanted to apolo
gize for her behavior. I'm very sorry if she's caused any distress to your fami
ly, especially to your dear sister. I also wanted to say that I'm very glad tha
t you did talk to her just now. It's ... long overdue. My chief regret is that
I have not been more firm with her in the past."
"I... don't know what to say, sir," I muttered. "If I have been overly brusk
with—"
"No, you spoke your mind to her and that was what was needed."
"You're uncommonly kind, sir."
"As you have been to me, sir, many, many times over." I knew that he harbor
ed a genuine affection for my family, but often as not his natural reticenc
e prevented him from expressing it. I also knew that he harbored a particul
arly deep affection for me, but had never acted upon it. Now he did look sq
uare upon me, and I saw what it was costing him to be so direct. He was ski
mming rather close to issues that we had long since tabled and was perhaps
afraid I might misinterpret his gratitude for something else.
I smiled back at him, offering reassurance. "'Tis my honor to do so, sir," I sa
id, and gave a little bow.
His relief was hardly subtle, his shoulders visibly relaxed, and a tentative
 smile crept over his own worried features. "Thank you, Mr. Barrett." "At yo
ur service, Dr. Beldon." "Good night, then."
"And to you." Having apparently forgotten the errand that had taken him out t
o start with, he returned to his room. With a light step.
Well-a-day, I thought again.
Despite his sometime toad-eating manner, I'd come to regard Beldon as a fr
iend, never more so than now. I'd influenced him before, but only to prote
ct the secret of my changed nature. Such intrusions upon so inoffensive a
man often plagued my conscience; I was more than happy to forgo another ex
perience. Thank heavens for his parochial mind, that he'd seen no more tha
n what had seemed natural to him and had not attributed anything outre to it.
With an equally light step, I made my way downstairs, so vastly relieved that
 I forgot the late hour and began to whistle.
Nights came and went swiftly, blurring together so that I sometimes had the
 illusion of living through one very lengthy night punctuated only by chang
es of clothes. The conversations all seemed to be the same, since they conc
erned but one topic: the wedding. The people were certainly the same. It mi
ght have been tedious, but my past experiences had taught me a hard lesson
on the priceless value of boredom. Better to be inactive
and at peace in the world than to be subjected to the frantic racing about br
ought on by catastrophe.
Father saw to his practice, Elizabeth sewed on her dress, and I kept them c
ompany or went down to The Oak to hear the news. As expected, Mrs. Hardinbr
ook ceased to be quite so hatefully annoying and looked after Mother, who h
ad come to be remarkably restrained in her manner. She worried me, for I th
ought she might still be suffering from fright. I tried to catch her eye no
w and then, but hers would slide past as though I were not there. She playe
d cards, or sewed, or gossiped when such friends as she had came calling, b
ut if she were afraid of me, it did not show. Several times I overheard her
 requesting sleeping draughts from Beldon, but they must have had an indiff
erent effect on her, for I'd still hear her moving about in her room late a
t night and on into the early morning hours. She looked a bit haggard from
the lack of sleep and was more withdrawn than before, but that was preferab
le to her fits.
No one else marked it, though, being so busy with their own projects, and I h
ad no plans to draw it to anyone's attention. After a time 1 came to consider
 it to be just another in a series of unpleasant incidents no one ever talked
 about and was content to let life run on as usual.
There were plenty of genteel distractions in the early hours of the shorte
ning summer evenings. Cousin Anne had persuaded me to join her in reading
some Shakespeare to the others by way of entertainment. Her first choice w
as the first play I'd recommended, Twelfth Night, and she turned out to be
 something of a natural actress—once she understood what she was saying. O
f course, most of the base jokes in the text escaped her and the whole roo
m had a moment of bald embarrassment when she stopped the reading once to
ask the meaning of the word "eunuch."
Elizabeth, gallantly stifling a laugh, came to my rescue, saying that it w
as a boy who would never grow to become a man. Anne's comprehension was qu
estionable, for we continued with no further pauses. Afterward, she sought
 out Elizabeth for a highly intense conversation.
I found myself too curious to resist. When Anne had finished and glided off
, I moved in. "What did she ask you this time?"
Elizabeth kept her laughter quiet and kindly. "Goodness, she should be mor
e observant about what's going on around her
here in the country. Then she'd know about these things."
"What things?"
"She wanted to know how a boy could not help but grow into a man, what co
uld possibly prevent it. So I tried a comparison employing the gelding of
 horses—"
"Good God, Elizabeth!"
"It's close enough," she defended, still trying not to laugh. "I said that since
 a stallion has private parts to be gelded, then so does a man, and if he is dep
rived of them at a certain age . . ."
I wassail but choking. "Then what?"
"Well, she did want to know . . ." Now she stopped and blushed a very violen
t red.
I leaned forward, looking expectant.
She gave me a mock-severe look in return. "You're being coarse and prurien
t, Jonathan."
"Absolutely. What did she want to know?"
She gave up in disgust. "Appearance."
I did choke on that one and fought in vain to hold onto a sober face. "And wh
at did you tell her?"
"Jonathan!"
Time to retreat, which I did, laughing, but vowing to avoid any solitary int
erviews with Anne for the time being. She'd been curious about kissing, whic
h I'd been happy to help on, but I wasn't at all ready to provide answers sh
ould she decide to question me on this particular topic. Some days later, El
izabeth informed me that a solution had presented itself during a visit to a
  friend with an infant boy. When the child's natural requirements dictated a
  change of diaper, Elizabeth volunteered to do the task for the mother and t
ook Anne along to help. The experience proved to be sufficiently educational
  to satisfy our sweetly innocent cousin, so I was safe once more.
Also after that incident, having learned the value of discretion, Anne made a
  point to reserve further inquiries about unfamiliar words until the end of a
n evening.
And then one day the wedding dress was finished and the event itself was upo
n us. I was unaware of most of it, being confined to my usually quiet bed in
  the cellar, but the first thing I heard the instant the sun was gone was on
e of Mrs. Nooth's many helpers clattering around in search of some supply fo
r
the kitchen. I was glad not to have to breathe, for the place reeked of cook
ing and baking. As soon as the helper was gone, I vanished and let myself fl
oat up through the very floors of the house, reappearing in my upstairs room
.
Jericho was waiting there for me and only jumped a little when I arrived.
We shared chagrined smiles, then I asked, "How have things been today?"
"Fairly easy. We have not yet run out of food and the young son of one of t
he guests provided some unexpected entertainment by tumbling from the haylo
ft and breaking his fall in the muck heap outside the stable."
"Oh, lord."
"Precisely what his mother said, plus quite a bit more. Their own servants sa
w to his cleaning up, I'm glad to say. It could not have been an especially p
leasant job."
"Is everyone else all right?"
"Oh, yes. Mr. Barrett is making sure all the gentlemen have sufficient food
with their drink, so there have been no incidents even when politics are bei
ng discussed. Miss Elizabeth is well enough, considering."
For the last week Elizabeth had been harried by all the last-minute tasks and
  planning. She had a true talent for organization, though, otherwise she migh
t not have made it this far.
"Everyone has been asking for you throughout the day," he said, letting me
know that I should hurry.
My best clothes had been carefully laid out on the bed and he had the shavi
ng things ready, the water still gently steaming. He must have walked in se
conds before me. The man had impeccable timing. Without another word, we fe
ll into our long-practiced routine. He had me shaved, powdered, and dressed
  fit for a royal audience, or even my sister's wedding, without hurry, yet
in a very short time. I'd discovered that it went much faster when I did no
t argue with him on his choice of clothes for me and offered none now.
He had me very well trained.
Once downstairs and giving belated greetings to the vast number of guests,
I felt as though I were back in London again, attending one of the Bolyn fa
mily's many lavish parties. War notwithstanding, everyone else was also in
their best, either made new for the occasion or refurbished to look like new.
Molly Audy had had a surfeit of custom for her legitimate business and scar
cely time for anything else, even if it did pay better. After one of our ne
cessarily briefer liaisons, I asked why she even bothered with the sewing a
nd was informed that she derived a great deal of satisfaction from it. This
 inspired a further query from me, asking if the two businesses—or pleasure
s as was the case—were remotely comparable in terms of enjoyment, and I pro
mptly got a pillow in my face.
Though discreet herself, her workmanship was strongly in evidence tonight
. I recognized many of her completed commissions on the backs (and backsi
des) of a number of gentlemen, having seen the fabrics and garments in va
rious stages of development in her workroom. They had me wondering which
of them availed themselves of both of Molly's services, and doubtless the
y were thinking the same thing as they eyed each other. I was made exempt
 from this, in that my clothes had been made in London.
Norwood, too, I noticed with approval, wore a familiar-looking coat, though
 the waistcoat was new. A gift from Elizabeth. His innate thriftiness had p
robably encouraged him to use what he had rather than invest in any expansi
on of his wardrobe. Like me, he might also have a preference for London tai
lors. I didn't care so long as it meant he was keeping clear of Molly.
I greeted my prospective brother-in-law with a light thump on the back and
was relieved to see that he wasn't even remotely drunk, though he seemed ra
ther relaxed for a groom.
"What, have you done this before?" I asked with a gesture at the wedding pa
rty.
He laughed. "I don't know why everyone expects me to be nervous. I'm not, r
eally. Really I'm not. Really."
Ah, now there was a bit of strain to him, after all. Very cheering, to be sure.
Elizabeth, when I found her, was in the center of a virtual garden of gowns
. So thickly were her friends gathered 'round her that their wide-reaching
dresses scarcely left any space in the room. I was bumped and crowded and m
ade over and teased as I made my way to her, being very careful where I put
 ray feet, especially around the seated ladies, who had spread their skirts
 out to show them off. None, I thought, were more beautiful than Elizabeth'
s, and certainly none of the women wearing them were as beautiful, either.
I bowed deeply and kissed her hand and wished her the best of all possible
days. My throat was clogging and my eyes stung a bit.
"Thank you, little brother." She smiled back at me, looking utterly radiant, a
nd I was ready to burst with pride in her. "It's been a truly marvelous day, b
ut now . . ."
"Night is here with my arrival, or is it the other way around?"
"You ass!" But she softened her humor. "You wonderful ass."
"Coming soon, is it?"
She gulped. "Yes, very soon."
"I'm glad you arranged things so I could be here to see."
"That's all Father's doing."
"How is he?"
"Being fatherly. When I came downstairs he had to use his handkerchief a lot
. Tried to pretend he had dust in his eyes, but I knew better."
"I know how he feels. All I can say is be happy, Elizabeth."
"I will. I know I will."
And within the hour she married Lord James Norwood amid tears and laughte
r and glorious celebration. Thus did we observe and acknowledge the chang
e that came to all our lives.
June 1777
Though larger campaigns of destruction were being undertaken by the armies
 in the greater world outside, we were naturally most concerned for our ow
n area, having endured a number of raids, both bold and vicious. Some of t
he thieves were caught, and those without commission papers were hanged. H
ardworking farmers made desperate by the loss of their produce to the Brit
ish and the rebels turned to thieving themselves as a means of survival an
d revenge. Some of them joined with the local militia, others preferred to
 work on their own. One such group included Mr. Curtis, Mr. Davis, and eve
n Noddy Milverton on occasion. Whenever they were absent from The Oak, it
was generally accepted they'd "gone fishing" along the Connecticut coast.
No one objected to it, least of all Lieutenant Nash.
Some of the Hessian troops had been transferred out, both to the relief and
 annoyance of the locals. Our barn was empty once more, as was Mrs. Montagu
's. They were hated company, but their presence had been a curtailment to t
he raids. Father worried for her and visited as often as he could. He'd gif
ted her with several pistols and a good hunting rifle and had gone to no li
ttle trouble to teach her and her servants how to shoot well. The lady had
also taken to increasing the numbers of geese around her home, being of the
 same opinion as the old Romans that they were better than dogs for giving
the alarm.

But though the times were hard, we knew they were much worse elsewhere, so
we thanked God for our lot and prayed for a swift victory over our enemie
s and the restoration of peace.
The sun rose later each night and arrived sooner each day, but I'd gotten o
ver the feeling of being deprived of my waking hours. When I lay my head do
wn, the dawn brought such complete oblivion that I had no knowledge of the
day's passage, hence the continuation of my illusion of living one endless
night. I seemed to find plenty of time to do all that I wanted; I had no mo
re complaints.
I did become a frequent visitor to Elizabeth's new house. She'd made it into
 a very pretty place despite Norwood's objections to the expense.
"I think it's because of his plans to go back to England," she confided to me.
 "He thinks it's a waste of money to put it into a house we won't be staying i
n for very long."
"What's he mean by that? Are you to leave so soon?" The idea had been there
 for some time, but only in the abstract. Now Elizabeth was speaking as tho
ugh they were already starting to pack for the journey.
"Oh, not for a while, perhaps. Maybe a year or so."
"That's something, then," I said grudgingly. Though my perception of time ha
d been skewed by my change, a year still seemed a very great interval. "I me
an, if you really want to leave .. ."
"Actually, I don't, but I should go and meet his family. I'm rather curious a
bout how a duke lives."
"Doesn't he tell you?"
"Not always. I hear more about his dead ancestors than the living relatives
. Do you know his people were at Agincourt? It seems that I've married into
 a very famous family."
I looked on as she sewed away on some humble task, her head bowed over he
r work. She'd changed, a bit, and would change more as most of her intere
sts came to center upon her new life. "Are you happy about it?"
"It's not very real to me yet. All I know is James. He's what's real."
"Are you happy with him?"
"Yes, certainly I'm happy. How can you ask such a thing?"
"Just playing the protective brother, is all."
"That can't be all. Don't you like him?"
"Well, yes, but you can't expect me to be in favor of his taking you away t
o England someday. Father and I would miss you terribly."
"And I would miss you both terribly, but I have to go with my husband. That
's the way things are."
"Then it's not right. You should have a say in where you want to live."
"I know, but I'm sure things will work out for the best no matter where we ar
e."
She was in love and would follow her husband. I was only her brother and it
 wasn't my place to object.
Lady Caroline had come over earlier that day for a visit and had stayed long
er than expected. My arrival soon after dusk was greeted with surprise. She
had been going to spend the night rather than risk traveling after dark, but
 at the conclusion of my visit she asked me to escort her home.
"But the roads might be dangerous," said Norwood.
"It will be perfectly safe," I replied. I had confidence in my ability to see
and hear a potential hazard long before it saw me. "I'll be going by way of Gl
enbriar to check the post."
"For that letter from England? I hope it comes soon, or you shall wear out y
our welcome at the inn."
"I shouldn't want to be any trouble," said Lady Caroline.
"No trouble," I told her. "Besides, Anne will miss your company. She had he
r heart set on reading that scene with you of Portia and Nerissa discussing
 the suitors in The Merchant of Venice."
"So she did. I recall she wanted you to play the Prince of Morocco."
"And the Prince of Arragon—and Bassanio, too, if there's time."
"She's turned into quite the scholar."
"Actress, more like. If she continues like this, Mr. Garrick will have to come
 out of retirement."
"Who?"
"David Garrick, the actor."
"Oh, goodness, of course. For some reason I thought you meant one of the f
armers hereabouts."
"You'll not catch many of them with time for reading Shakespeare."
"Or aught else, I'm sure."

"I'll go see to the horses, then." I went off toward the miserable-looking st
ructure that served as a stable. Elizabeth had once mentioned her desire to r
epair and improve it before the winter, lightly complaining when Norwood aske
d to put it off a while longer. I wondered if his tight-fisted nature would s
oon be a source of discontent for her.
They had no stablemen, not even a lad to see to their own beasts. Norwood c
laimed that he enjoyed looking after them himself, which was understandable
 to me, but I thought it odd for a man in his position not to have at least
 one servant for the task. There wasn't that much work to do, though, with
but two horses. He had a hunter and Elizabeth had brought along her favorit
e from home, Beauty. So far they had not yet acquired a carriage, not that
there were many to be had these days. When Sunday came along, Father would
send a man along in ours to pick them up for church.
I'd taken up riding again to give Roily some much needed exercise and make
a change for me. This included my wish to avoid being seen floating about.
I'd been spotted twice, but fortunately both times the men had been rather
drunk and no one believed their story about a "flying ghost." After that I
became more careful.
Taking Roily's reins and those of Lady Caroline's horse, I walked back to t
he house in no particular hurry, but unwilling to waste time. Elizabeth had
 already said good night and gone upstairs, leaving Norwood and his sister
in the front entry. They were speaking in low tones and looked to be having
 some kind of a disagreement. Before I'd quite gotten close enough to hear
anything above the noise of the horses, they broke off and acted as though
nothing were amiss. Well, if they wished it to be so, then I would act in k
ind. I helped Lady Caroline up to her sidesaddle, swung onto Roily, and bad
e farewell to Norwood. He stood in the doorway and watched us until we were
 out of sight down the lane.
"Was there anything wrong between you two?" I asked.
"Not really. He's just worried about my being out, but I told him that we'd be
 fine."
It had looked more interesting than simple concern, but if so, then she was d
etermined to keep it to herself.
"You are armed, I hope?" she asked.
"I'd feel undressed without these." I touched the specially made case hangin
g from my saddle that held a set of duelers

I'd bought on a whim in London. Since my abduction, I took them everywhe
re, loaded, and ready at hand. "And you?"
Instead of the "muff gun" favored by some ladies, she pulled out a formidabl
e brass-barreled specimen made by Powell of Dublin that was capable of firin
g six shots, one after another. It was an amazing piece of work, and I had h
opes of someday acquiring one myself. Its appeal lay in the fact that after
an initial priming, all one had to do was to pull back the trigger guard aft
er each shot, turn the cylinder, and push the guard forward to lock it, then
 fire again. Six in a row without reloading. An absolutely marvelous invention.
Our safety assured by our arms collection, we kicked the horses up with con
fidence and cantered toward Glenbriar. It wasn't far, and I found the ride
shortened by her pleasing company. Almost before I knew it, we were reining
 up before The Oak. As this night I was only interested in the post and not
 buying a round of drinks and time with Molly Audy, I would only be a momen
t. There was a room on the side reserved for the ladies if Lady Caroline de
sired to come in, and I asked her as much, but she professed that she was c
ontent to wait without.
I was hailed by a somewhat thinner crowd than usual. It being a calm night,
 it was easy to conclude that Nassau County's own irregulars were out prowl
ing the Sound for booty. I didn't approve or disapprove of their work, but
did hope that they harmed no one and could avoid capture if at all possible
. Their treatment as prisoners would doubtless be short and brutal, for the
 hangings had made many of the Connecticut "militia" very bitter.
"Anything at all, Mr. Farr?" I asked after giving him greeting.
With a flourish as though he'd brought it across the Atlantic himself, he pl
aced a battered packet before me, smiling broadly. I let out a crow and fell
 upon it like a starving man to a loaf of bread. This gave much amusement to
 the other patrons, so I made something of an ass of myself, but I didn't ca
re. I cut the thing open then and there with my penknife and unfolded the sh
eets within.
The date, as nearly as I could make out from Oliver's atrocious handwriting,
was late in February, indicating that he'd replied immediately after the arri
val of my last missive to him. So it had taken a solid four months to get to
me. Old
news by now, but much better than nothing. My eyes flew over the crabbed
words, searching for Nora's name.
And when I found it... well, I'd hoped for more ... expected more.
He told me that he'd forwarded my letter to Nora to the Warburtons as per m
y request and hoped that I should get a speedy reply. He'd had no word from
 them other than a note from Mrs. Warburton saying that her son, Tony, had
improved a little in the temperate Italian climate, though he was still far
 from recovered.
Damned murdering bastard, I thought, my mood turned foul from this lack of
 news. I didn't care about him, I wanted news of Nora.
"Not bad tidings, I hope?" said Mr. Farr.
"More like no tidings at all," I grumbled.
The rest of the letter reflected the one I'd sent him, chatty and full of com
ments about things long past and near forgotten. I was to the point of foldin
g it to read later when I caught the name "Norbury," and went a bit farther.
I'd asked him for an opinion of the family and he had provided one.
I was reading it for the fourth time when Lady Caroline, apparently impatie
nt with waiting, came in. Mr. Farr went to her and asked permission to show
 her to the ladies' portion of his house, but she put him off and came smil
ing over to me.
"Mr. Barrett? I've no wish to rush you, but I thought you might have forgotte
n that your cousin is waiting for us."
Couldn't speak. Could barely hear her. Could only stare at her face, familiar
 for so many months, pretty, friendly, intelligent, charming, an entirely lov
ely woman. I stared and felt a terrible illness creeping up from my belly.
Farr noticed something was wrong. "Mr. Barrett? What is it? Mr. Barrett?"
My eyes jerked from her face to his and I struggled to form an answer. Imp
ossible. The whole world was impossible.
She said my name again. Questioning.
Still couldn't answer. Shock, I suppose. Made it hard to think.
". . . some brandy, sir?" Farr was saying.
I shook my head. Put a hand to my eyes, rubbed them. When I blinked them cl
ear, the horror was still before me. Undeniable. It would not go away on it
s own. It would have to be dealt with, and the damnable job had fallen to m
e.
Once I understood that, a kind of acceptance and resolve took hold. Without
 another word, I seized her by the arm and guided her toward one of the mor
e private receiving rooms. I grabbed up a candle from one of the tables in
passing, much to the startlement of the men there. Ignoring their comments,
 I pushed her ahead of me into the room and shut the door.
"What is the matter, Mr. Barrett?" she demanded, nonplussed if not angered
 by my abrupt behavior.
"That is something for you to explain, madam." I put the candle on a heavy oa
k table and placed Oliver's letter next to it. "Read," I ordered, pointing.
"This is ridiculous," she protested. "What on earth—?"
"Read, damn you!"
She went pale with true anger, but there was a sudden wavering in her eyes.

Doubt, I thought. Most definitely doubt.
She kept anger to the front, though, and showing it in her every move and g
esture, sat in one of the chairs and plucked up the pages. It was slow goin
g, she was not used to the handwriting, but I knew how things stood as I wa
tched her grow paler and paler until she was deathly white. Then there was
a strange reversal and her color returned until she was flushed and hot, wi
th two crimson spots high on her cheeks.
Oliver had been fairly succinct on the subject:
"I'd not heard of any Duke of Norbury, but thought if Cousin Elizabeth were
considering on adding a peer to the family it wouldn't hurt to improve my kn
owledge, so I started asking around. The news isn't good, I fear, as it turn
s out there is no such duke and never has been. The only Norbury I can turn
up is some nothing of a little hamlet south of London that doesn't even have
 a church, much less a duke. There is a village called Norwood and I underst
and it has a rather fine inn, but again, no duke lurking about the place. I'
d question this fellow and his sister very closely as they're bound to be bo
unders, don't you know."
She shook her head, putting on a wonderful puzzlement. "Really, Mr. Barrett
, there has been a awful mistake, that, or your cousin is playing a miserab
le joke upon us all. My family is an old and noble line, why, we even had a
ncestors with Henry at Agincourt."
"I don't give a damn if they were with Richard at Bosworth Field, you will e
xplain yourself."
"But I tell you there's nothing to be explained, 'tis your cousin who needs
 to . . ." She saw my look and tried another tack. "This is ridiculous. We'
ve lived with your family for months. You know us well. How can we be anyth
ing except what we are?"
And for a moment I did experience a twinge of doubt. Oliver was often a rathe
r silly fellow, after all. He might have gotten things muddled .. .
"This is a mistake," she said firmly. "You must realize that."
No. He could be an ass at times, but he was no fool.
Unlike me. Unlike all of us.
I fixed my eyes hard upon her. "You will listen to me ..."
She hissed as though burned and flinched. After that initial reaction she was
 as still as stone, expression wide open and blank. Soulless.
Certainly heartless.
Sweet God, how . ..
I broke away to pace up and down a few times, trying to calm myself. 1 was
sick and angry and ashamed, with a thousand other similar damnable feelings
 crowding mind and cowing spirit, filling me with their turbulent hum, maki
ng it impossible to think clearly or do anything. No good trying to questio
n her while I was so upset, it could kill her... or worse.
Sweet God, it hurt.
And it was like this for me for many long and silent moments until it finally
 settled into something I could control. Only then did I dare look at her and
 form my first question.
"Who are you?"
"Caroline Norwood."
"Where are you from?"
"London."
"Is your oldest brother the Duke of Norbury?"
"I have no brother."
God. "Then who is James Norwood?"
"My husband."
Turned away. Quickly. Had to, to save her, to save myself. The sickness retu
rned tenfold. For a time I just couldn't do anything, the horror of it was t
oo much. I kept my back to her, breathing in huge gulps of air, trying to cl
ear my mind, and, after a time, succeeding. When I was calm again, I resigned
myself to the fact that everything to come was probably going to hurt like bl
azes, but there was no way it could be avoided. All I could do was to get on
with it and over with as quickly as possible.
Pulled a chair out opposite her. Sat. Clasped my hands before me on the tabl
e.
"All right, Caroline. I want you to tell me everything about yourself."
It was a wretched story, made more so by their utter lack of conscience.
They'd come across from England over a year ago with some fine clothes and
finer manners and posed as Lord James and Lady Caroline, complete with a du
ke as their elder brother along with a distinguished family history. The pa
ir had had much contact with nobility in England, after all; she had been a
 music teacher, he a dancing master to scions of the peerage. Both were nat
ural actors. Both were highly discontent with their lot and prepared to do
anything to improve it. The titles had been predictably irresistible to cer
tain members of Philadelphia society, and it wasn't hard to dupe the lot.
They made shameless use of their new status to acquire goods, services, fav
ors, and stayed as guests of some of the best families in the city. Though
they took out many loans they'd no intention of paying back, they were alwa
ys short of cash and on the lookout for a means of getting more.
But the trouble in that city from the approaching war made it impossible for
 them to fulfill such plans as they'd made; escape was necessary. Enter my i
nnocent cousin, Anne, not terribly smart, but possessing relatives with a lu
xuriant sanctuary far from the conflict.
Possessing money ... at least on one side of the family.
Once they arrived and got their bearings, it was determined that one of them
 should try to marry into that money. James would come to pay court to my si
ster, as there was less difficulty for a husband to control his wife's prope
rty than the other way 'round. All he had to do was be what he essentially w
as, handsome, genial, naturally charming, but without a speck of real feelin
g or guilt for what he was doing.
Caroline was the same way. They were perfectly matched.
Then they'd found out that Elizabeth was my heir. Her money alone would b
e a fortune, but how much better would
it be to double it. That's when they made their first attempt on my life. D
uring the happy confusion of a tea party, it had been easy enough to keep A
nne distracted. Caroline had slipped a good dose of laudanum into my tea an
d watched with approval as my blameless cousin stirred in plenty of sugar,
which would mask the taste for me.
The plan was that I should simply fall asleep, never to wake. If anybody at t
he party noticed me dozing off in a chair, one or the other of them would pre
vent any attempt to rouse me. The greater likelihood was that once I felt sle
epy enough, I'd go upstairs to bed, never to return.
They couldn't know that I would not be drinking it; I'd long planted that pro
vision into their minds as I'd done with everyone else: that they should enti
rely ignore the fact I never ate or drank anything.
What a shock it had been to them when Rapelji had come in and raised the a
larm about Father.
Father . .. my poor father ... he might have died in my place, all unknowing.
And Mother ... all these months ignorantly bearing the stigma of a poisoner.
I roughly pushed the stabbing rage aside and made Caroline go on.
Made cautious by this blunder, they held off for a time, until things could
 fall back into their usual routine. They did not for a moment believe Beld
on's story about the flying gout and noticed right away the new lock on his
 door. After much speculation and observation, later confirmed when Elizabe
th decided to confide in Norwood, they knew it was Mother we all suspected,
 not them. With relief they watched and waited for another opportunity, and
 James proceeded with his courtship of Elizabeth.
Caroline apparently had little objection to her husband's conquest of anoth
er woman and none at all to his going to a prostitute for the easement of s
uch urges as come to a man forced by circumstances to be celibate. After he
'd finished with Molly one night, he'd gone to The Oak for a fortifying dri
nk and had overheard the regulars joking amongst themselves about my recent
 departure to pay my respects to the lady.
He wasn't aware at that time of Molly's reputation for discretion. He knew t
hat one careless word from her to his
prospective brother-in-law could endanger his chances with Elizabeth. Besides
, there was the additional gain of inheritance to consider. I had to be silen
ced.
And the men to do it were right there. Ash, Drummond, all the others.
For they were Norwood's men.
He'd met them and secured their services on one of his frequent trips away t
o see to "business." Faster and more certain than marriage, he'd made lucrat
ive arrangements with them, finding likely places for a raid and taking a po
rtion of the profit. They'd been in Glenbriar that night to plan the next on
e and he ordered them to kill me, saying that I'd found them out and would t
alk.
There were two problems with that, though: Ash had decided on his own to t
ry for a ransom on the side . . . and I was no longer the ordinary man I a
ppeared to be. No wonder Norwood had been so completely astonished to see
me alive on the road the next night. I was supposed to be dead and driftin
g somewhere at the bottom of the Sound.
Also to his misfortune, Knox had been captured. He'd been closemouthed, bu
t then I'd promised to make the man talk. Norwood's wife had to see that h
e did not.
"You? How were you involved with that?" I demanded. My influence upon her
had lowered her guard so much that she was readily answering questions as
though they were part of a normal conversation, requiring only a word or t
wo from me to keep her going. It was just as well. The initial effort of c
oncentration had been painless, but to sustain it for any length of time m
ade my head ache terribly.
"I left the house carrying some of James's clothes," she said. "I changed into
 them, then cut across the fields to get to town, before any of you arrived."
Sweet heavens. She must have taken the idea from the play I'd given Anne to
 read. Certainly she she would have greater mobility and be less noticeable
 in men's clothing.
"What did you do?"
"Watched and waited. When I saw Knox in the room with you, I broke the wi
ndow and shot him, then ran. James led them in the wrong direction, away
from me. I got back, changed again, and went on to the house with no one
the wiser."
"Then what?"
"That was all. The whole thing had been so much of a risk and all for nothi
ng because you obviously didn't know anything harmful against us. I then to
ld James to work on the girl. Marriage to her was safer and more profitable
. Besides... there would be others soon enough."
Others? I didn't take her meaning right away. It was too awful to see, I suppo
se, and when I did, I wished that I hadn't.
Elizabeth was only to be the first in a series of marriages. Now that they'
d worked out their ploy, they would eventually venture forth to take full a
dvantage of any number of other women with money. Over the years they would
 be able to make thousands of pounds with very little effort or expenditure
 of their own funds.
Of course to do so, they would have to find a way of divesting themselves o
f Elizabeth's company fairly soon, but in these unsettled times it would be
 simple enough to arrange something with Ash. They'd already made mention o
f it to him. It had been what Norwood and Caroline had been discussing whil
e I'd seen to the horses. Their disagreement had been about whether to keep
 me there or let me leave. Caroline had wanted me well away from things. He
r plans had been laid; she did not want me around to risk the least disrupt
ion of them. But to get me out, she'd have to go as well, and Norwood hadn'
t liked it. His dear and loving wife was the more clever of the two, after
all; he'd wanted her with him, just in case anything unexpected did arise.
The idea was to make it look like another rebel incursion. Norwood would eme
rge to tell the sad tale of how he'd been knocked unconscious trying to defe
nd his house, awakening after all was over to discover the body of his bride
, foully murdered by the pitiless raiders in their quest for booty. How easy
 for him afterward to collect his inheritance from her estate and leave, pla
ying the part of a grief-stricken widower.
I had been able to control myself up to this point. Their attacks upon others
, their murder of Knox, their murders using Ash as their weapon, their attack
 upon me, even upon Father, none of it had been pleasant to hear, but I'd jus
t been able to stand it.
But not this. Not hearing her coldly explaining the fine points of how they
would be killing my dearly loved sister. It was impossible for me, impossibl
e for any man with
a heart to endure. Until the words were out of her mouth, I thought I'd alrea
dy reached the limit of my rage. Now a raw and roaring blast of it tore throu
gh me like a wild nor'easter.
I was lost to it... and then so was Caroline.
Blind and deaf to all reason, all restraint, it clawed its way out of my brain
—
And right into hers.
When I came to myself, I was on the other side of the room, face to the wal
l, hands covering my eyes. I was aware that something had happened, but fel
t as disoriented as a newly wakened sleeper. It was taking me a moment to s
ort dream from reality.
The dream was a fading memory of a shapeless dark thing that had bounded up
 from some deep place in my soul. Ugly and huge, if my anger could have tak
en on a such an amorphous form and size, it might have looked like that. It
 had been full of force and fury, erupting forth, filling the room, filling
 the world, overflowing it, overwhelming it. It bellowed and raved, smashed
 and hurled this way and that before finally driving itself into another ve
ssel other than myself. It seemed too large for the other to hold without b
reaking.
And so it proved.
I became aware of the reality where it sat slumped at the table.
Caroline's eyes told me the tale of what had happened. I'd seen such eyes o
n Tony Warburton after Nora's temper had exceeded all control and broken fr
ee. She'd snapped his mind like a twig, and now I'd done exactly the same t
hing to Caroline.
She stared at nothing, shivering a little. Each time she blinked, her whole he
ad twitched slightly. Her hands rested easily upon the table, inches from the
incriminating letter.
I plucked it from her reach, folded, and tucked it away, hardly aware of the
action. I also eased one hand into the pocket of her riding coat and drew out
 her pistol, placing it into my own coat pocket. It struck me that it would n
ot be a good idea to leave her armed.
But it would not have mattered. She paid no mind to me. With hard certainty
, I knew that she had no mind left. It was just the same as before with Nor
a and Warburton.
Nora had regretted her loss of control, though; I could not. I regarded Carol
ine with a cold satisfaction. I could not raise the least shame in me for wha
t I'd done to her, nor was there any desire to try. If that made me wicked, t
hen so be it; it could hardly compare with what she and her husband had plann
ed for Elizabeth.
There was a sudden and strange peace within me, as though Caroline had so
mehow drained away all my doubts about myself, about what I would have to
 do in the very near future. For I had determined that Elizabeth would no
t spend one more hour in that bastard's defiling company.
I walked steadily out into the common room and was somewhat surprised to fi
nd that all was as right and normal as could be. I'd had some idea that the
y might have heard a row coming from our private room and be alert to troub
le, but though I got some curious looks, no one said anything. All the nois
e had been in my head, it seemed, part of the dream ... or rather, the nigh
tmare.
Only Mr. Farr, who had witnessed my initial reaction to the letter, took it
upon himself to come over and have his curiosity answered. "Are you all righ
t, Mr. Barrett?"
Some dissembling was required, then. Very well. I knew I could manage. It di
d not take much to look stunned and put a small tremor into my voice. "A lit
tle brandy for Lady Caroline, if you please. I fear she has suffered some so
rt of a fit."
"A fit?" he questioned, even as he turned away to find the right bottle.
"One moment we were talking and the next she put her hand to her head and se
emed to fall asleep. I got her to wake up, but she seems very dazed. I'd lik
e to send one of your lads to fetch Dr. Beldon as quickly as possible."
"Certainly, sir." He came back with the brandy, full of bustling concern, w
hich blossomed into a fearful shock once he saw the woman's blank face. He
immediately sent for his wife to look after her, then dispatched two of his
 stablemen off to my house to get Beldon.
It went very smoothly, better than I'd hoped. I simply mirrored his feelings
, then announced that I'd go to fetch her brother, Lord James. This was met
with grim approval. Yes, it was far and away the best thing that could be do
ne, by
all means her closest relative should be with her during this strange illness.
He and Mrs. Farr were already speaking in hushed tones about apoplexy as I
 hurried out the door and jumped onto Roily's back.
No lights were showing when I arrived. Everyone had gone to bed. Theirs was
 a small household, just Elizabeth and James and the valet, Harridge. There
 was a cook, maid, and a scullery boy, all part of the same family, but the
y lived in their own house a quarter mile farther along. So convenient for
the Norwoods, so convenient for Ash.
I dismounted and quietly walked to the front door, vanished, and slipped thro
ugh the narrow space of the threshold, reappearing on the inside. I had no pl
an, no idea of what I was going to do, only blind faith that the right path w
ould present itself now that I was here.
Going to the front parlor, I busied myself with the tinder box by the firepl
ace and soon had a number of candles burning throughout the room. I wanted a
  lot of light. When I was done, I went out to the staircase landing and bell
owed out my sister's name. I couldn't bring myself to go up to their bedroom
.
After a moment, Norwood called down. "Jonathan? My God, man! What are
  you doing here? Has something happened to Caroline?"
"Jonathan?" Elizabeth hesitantly called.
"Come down, please," I said, in a softer tone. I was not talking to him. For a
  tiny instant, I nearly fled. I was about to deliver a hideous hurt to someone
  I loved dearly. Perhaps I should wait, go get Father to help.
"What the devil are you about, man?" Norwood demanded, sounding highly
aggrieved.
No. I crushed my doubts. Not one more hour with him.
Soon they came, Elizabeth wrapped in some sort of loose gown over her night
clothes, Norwood still dressed except for his coat and waistcoat. They hurr
ied into the parlor and stopped, faces full of worry and curiosity and with
  a touch of anger at this unorthodox intrusion.
"What is it, Jonathan?" asked Elizabeth, coming over to me.
"Yes," said Norwood. "Is it the war? What's wrong?" He stopped short, starin
g at the pistol in my hand. It was Caroline's.
I had it pointed at the floor, but he was plainly wondering why I was in posse
ssion of it.
Elizabeth noticed as well. "What is it? What's wrong? Was there trouble on the
  road? Is it Father? Is he ill or hurt?"
"No, nothing like that. I've learned something that you need to know."
"Learned what?"
I drew out the letter. "This arrived from Oliver. It's on the top page." A co
wardly way to tell her, but if I'd tried to speak the words would have choked
  me on the spot.
"Really, Jonathan," said Norwood. "What is so important that you had to co
me by at this hour? Where's Caroline?"
Elizabeth took the letter and held it so the candlelight fell upon the damni
ng page and read. Then she let out with a moaning gasp and sat heavily on on
e of the chairs. "My God ..."
"Elizabeth?" Norwood was made uneasy with her failure to reply and turned
back to me. "See here, Jonathan, I won't be having you barging in and just
  standing there without a word of explanation."
"Be quiet."
He flushed. "And I won't be spoken to like that in my own house even if yo
u are my brother-in-law!"
"You're no relation to me arid you know it. Be quiet or I will kill you."
His mouth dropped open, but nothing came forth. He saw how I looked and f
inally, finally the true meaning behind my actions began to dawn upon him
.
"Elizabeth?" I went back to her. She had become smaller and was trembling as
though chilled to the bone. The letter shook so much in her hand that she had
  to press the rattling pages against the chair arm to read it again. She'd ha
ve to read it several times, even as I had.
She looked to me. "This is true, isn't it?"
"I'm sorry."
"It's not some silly joke of Oliver's . . ."
"No. I showed this to Caroline. I made her talk. She was... unable to lie. S
he and Norwood are married."
She let the letter drop and looked past me, not to her husband, but to the m
an who had betrayed her. Her eyes blurred and grew blind from the welling te
ars.
"How could you?" she asked him in a broken voice that pierced me right thr
ough the heart.
"How could I what? Elizabeth—" He reached toward her, putting on a most
convincing show of hurt and tender concern.
But she ignored him and looked to me once more, pleading for me to make th
ings right again.
"If I could change it, I would. You know that."
And this confirmation made her smaller still. Elizabeth hunched in on hersel
f, unable to hold back the grief any longer. She gave up fighting it and the
  tears and sobs came on, leaving her helpless for a time as her emotions ove
rwhelmed her. If she had the least doubt about the truth of things, she had
only to look at Norwood. He remained quiet and made not the slightest protes
t of innocence, nor any gesture of compassion toward the people he'd so call
ously hurt or displayed a jot of shame for any of it. If anything, he appear
ed to be disgusted at this turning of events.
Soulless and heartless, the bastard.
I put my arms around Elizabeth, offering what small comfort I could, but si
ckening as it was just to look at him, not once did I take my eyes from Nor
wood.
"What shall we do?" Elizabeth asked.
The first shattering shock had been the worst, but Elizabeth was a strong wo
man. She'd recovered for the present, blew her nose, dried her eyes, and bra
ced herself to listen to the full story behind the letter. I told her everyt
hing, including what Caroline had imparted to me. The fact that I'd gotten s
o much information from her both puzzled and frightened Norwood. When it was
  over, Elizabeth voiced the question that had begun to hammer at me as I tal
ked.
"I don't know," I answered. "We'll have to tell Father. He'll help us work ou
t something."
"I don't see how."
Neither did I, but she didn't need to hear that. "He will."
She nodded dully, accepting it, not really thinking about it. Just as well. "
What about Caroline?"
Norwood's eyes flickered and sharpened.
"She'll be no trouble to us, I promise," I said. "Go upstairs. Put on some rid
ing clothes. I'm going to take you home. We'll talk to Father."
"What about him?" She glared at Norwood.
"He'll be here when we come back. I'll make sure of it."

"You'll—"
"I'll do that which is necessary. Now go."
Elizabeth stood, stiff as an old woman one moment, then swaying as though
about to swoon the next, but she got hold of herself and paced over to whe
re Norwood was standing. He had no real expression on his face, just a tra
ce of watchfulness, nothing more. She looked him up and down, a tall and h
andsome man, husband for a month, betrayer for a lifetime.
She slapped him, then spit in his face.
He flinched, but didn't otherwise react. I was right behind Elizabeth and
Norwood must have seen his own murder in my eye if he dared to make the sm
allest move against her. He was not even tempted to wipe away the spittle.
Elizabeth turned her back to him and left the room by the parlor's other doo
r, which led to the kitchen. I wondered why she'd gone that way until I hear
d the soft splash of water. Yes, she'd want to wash her face first, part and
 parcel of making a new start on things. I listened to her quiet movements u
ntil she was done and slowly climbing the servants' stairs to her room. When
 her steps faded and a door closed, I told him to sit, but Norwood remained
standing, the better to offer arguments in his favor.
"Look, now," he said. "I know it's been a blow to you, but there's no need fo
r this to go any further. You've caught me out and we all know it, but do you
 want all the rest of the county to know it as well? Do you really want Eliza
beth to have to face the scandal, the pointing fingers, the whispers?"
"You don't give a damn for her, so don't try using that excuse to save your sk
in."
"But it will happen if you turn me in, make this public. Let me go and Carol
ine and I will leave quietly, we won't ever come back, we'll say nothing."
"Leaving Elizabeth to explain why her 'husband' deserted her?"
"You can say I'd been called back to England, say anything you like. We'll be
 out of your lives, we'll stay away, I promise."
"You've tried to kill me twice, nearly killed my father, and God knows, you w
ere planning to kill Elizabeth as well and you think that I could cheerfully
let you go free just to avoid a little gossip?"
"But—"
"You're a murderer already with blood on your hands from the people killed a
nd robbed by your men, you even slaughtered one of your own to keep him quie
t, and by God, I'm going to see that Nash knows all about it. I could strang
le you where you stand, but I won't. It'll give me far greater pleasure to w
ait and watch you dancing under the gallows. There'll be no one pulling on y
our heels to speed you to hell, I'll see to that."
He went whiter than his shirt and backed away, not far, only into a chair in
to which he sat rather heavily. He embarrassed himself no more with protests
. He finally saw their futility. Some new thought came to him, though. "You'
d let them hang Caroline, too? If you turn me in, then she'll have to be par
t of it. You'd let them hang a woman?"
My hard silence was not the answer he wanted. Caroline was beyond the rope
, but I saw no reason to inform or explain to him her condition.
"You must let me go." Tears were in his eyes, his voice, but I'd seen them fir
st in my sister. I was not about to be persuaded to pity for this creature.
"Aye, let 'im go an' we'll take care o' things," someone advised me.
Ash's voice.
He blocked the doorway that led to the kitchen, holding a pistol in each h
and, both aimed at me. I knew they were primed to fire, having done it mys
elf since they were the duelers I'd left on my saddle. Behind him were oth
er men I recognized: Tully, Seth, Abel. Drummond wasn't with them.
"Stand clear of 'im," Ash ordered.
I did just that, smoothly, without haste, and holding my own pistol along the
 line of my leg, keeping it out of his sight for a moment longer. I presented
 only my side to him, like a fencer.
"That's far enough."
Norwood was on his feet again, pointing at me. "Look out for him, he's arm
ed."
But Ash had me well covered. " 'E won't make no trouble. 'E's too smart by '
alf to even try. Am I right, ye young bastard? Am I right? Thought as much.
Now put that on the table. Reach for it 'n' you'll make me a happy man,'n' t
hat's God's honest truth."
As instructed, I placed my gun on the table, but did not move from my spot.

Relief flowed out from Norwood so strongly I could almost feel it as a phys
ical presence in the room. "Excellent work, Mr. Ash. I'd nearly despaired o
f your coming tonight."
"That bloody idiot you sent to fetch us put up more of a fight than we'd rec
koned on."
"What? Harridge?"
" 'E squealed a bit, but Tully got 'im quiet. 'E won't be makin' no more nois
e ever ag'in." Ash chuckled, the others joining him as they separated out ove
r the room.
"Where is he?"
"We drug 'im into yer scullery. It'll look like it's supposed to, you've naught
 to worry about on that."
"You sent your servant off to be murdered?" I asked Norwood.
He smiled. "Couldn't be helped. He was beginning to realize a few too many t
hings, anyway. It's a good night for the work, right lads? Quiet and dark, j
ust as we like best."
Yes, it was a quiet, moonless night, a rare night for mayhem be you rebel
or Loyalist. That was why Norwood and Caroline had chosen to take advantag
e of it.
Tully sniggered, as did the rest. "Not what I like best. Where's that Tory bitch
 ye been keepin', yer lordship? I've 'eard she 'ad a fair face. I've a mind t' s
ee it."
And so while Caroline and I rode home, where we planned to sit with Anne an
d read Shakespeare aloud to each other, my sister would be suffering God kn
ows what horrors at their hands until they finally . . .
"Devil," whispered Abel, staring at me. "See the fire in 'is eyes? 'E's a bloods
ucking devil, I tell ye!"
They all looked, and things were silent for a moment, but Ash snorted, waving
 one of the duelers. "Then 'e won't mind us sendin' 'im back to 'ell, will 'e
?"
"Not at all," agreed Norwood. But the man looked uneasy, for my gaze was
 wholly focused upon him. "Send him along now, if you please, Mr. Ash."
"Oh, but 'e'll need a bit of company to go with 'im."
"The sister? Yes, I'll fetch her down. It'll be less fuss if I—"
"We'll take care of yer Tory doxy soon enough, yer lordship. First I want t'
 know what this bastard meant when 'e said 'slaughtered one o' yer own.' "
Norwood did not take his meaning right away. "What are you on about?"
"We 'eard 'im talkin' with ye afore we showed ourselves. What did 'e mean?"
 Ash casually let one of the duelers swing in Norwood's direction.
"He wants to know about Knox," I said, my voice very thick, very low.
The meaning now dawned on him, but his acting skills were so ingrained that
he was able to shift his thoughts 'round without showing so much as a flicke
r of change in his face. The others saw nothing, but in that deathly still r
oom / was able to hear the abrupt thump as his heart lurched and pounded in
reaction.
"What about Knox?" he asked with just the right touch of annoyed puzzleme
nt.
None of it worked on Ash, who was already predisposed to suspect a lie. "Yo
u tell us, yer lordship. What did 'e mean?"
"I haven't the faintest idea. Poor Knox was killed trying to escape—"
"Aye, that's one o' the stories. The other is 'e were 'anged by a mob, 'n' 'noth
er were 'e were shot through the 'ead while 'e sat 'elpless 'n' chained."
"That's the true one," I put in, slowly, deliberately, watching Norwood wit
h an unholy delight burgeoning within me. "His lady wife shot through a bro
ken window and blew out his brains just as you said."
"Be that true?" Ash demanded of him.
"Of course not! How could it? What a ridiculous idea! He's trying to conf
use you—to get you to spare him. He knows you'll be killing him—"
"So I've no reason to lie," I said.
"You do if you want to drag me down as well."
"Norwood was afraid Knox might talk," I went on. "Afraid Knox would bet
ray him. That's why he was murdered."
"But that's—"
"Norwood . . . look at me\"
He looked. He couldn't not look.
I drove into his mind like an axe. "Tell them the truth."
He gave a little gasp and fell back a step.
"Devil," Abel murmured.
"The truth, Norwood."
He all but strangled on the words, but they did at last come forth. And when
 he was done, I released him, and he dropped to his knees.
I bowed my head, tired and suddenly aware of the sharp pain crashing around
inside my skull. I had not lost control as I'd done earlier; this was the pr
ice of it, perhaps. When I came back to myself and glanced up, they were sta
ring at one another, at Norwood, at me. Tully and Ash with fearful wonder, S
eth and Abel with fear alone as they shifted nervously from foot to foot as
though ready to run. I half-expected Abel to call me a devil again.
Norwood made a breathy sob and grabbed at his chair to keep from falling c
ompletely over.
Ash turned full upon me. "I don' know 'ow ye done it, but 'tis done, 'n' I belie
ve it."
"No, Ash." Norwood made a valiant effort to straighten himself. "It's a terri
ble mistake."
"Don't see 'ow it can be, since we all 'eard the story from yer own lips."
"It wasn't true, I swear it! I was forced to say those things. You saw wha
t he did. He made me lie, he made me—you saw! He's not natural, he's—"
"Bastard! I don't give a bloody damn what 'e is, devil, angel or whatever's
in between, you've a debt to pay for the murder of a good man."
"But it wasn't even me! Caroline was the one, you know that! I didn't want
her to, but she—"
"Oh, now, listen to 'im squeal. Ye make me sick."
And with no more prelude than that, Ash aimed one of the duelers at Norwoo
d and fired. The ball struck him square in the chest and he collapsed forw
ard, his last cry lost in the deafening blast of the shot. Smoke billowed
out from the pistol, obscuring things for a moment, long enough—more than
long enough—for me to grab Caroline's gun.
Without thinking, without loss of motion, I raised it and fired at Ash wher
e he stood now half turned from me. The gun cracked sharply and more smoke
clouded my vision, but he gave out with a surprised shriek, jerking away, o
ne arm flailing. I was distantly conscious of the others tumbling over them
selves to get out of the way.
" 'E's a devil!" screamed Abel, ducking from the line of fire. I wasn't payin
g much attention, being busy with pulling back the gun's trigger guard.
Turn the cylinder. Push the guard forward . . .
Lock.
Tully's reactions were better than the others. He charged at me, arms out to
 bring me down. I got the muzzle up just in time, but he made a grab at my w
rist and the shot went wide. He hadn't expected it, though, and the flash an
d burn made him jump. I dropped the gun, seized Tully by the shoulders, and
hauled him sharply around. His feet left the floor. I swung him like a sack
of grain and let him go. He all but flew across the room to smash into a wal
l with such force as to break bone. Hardly wasting a glance at him, I stoope
d and retrieved the pistol.
Pull back the guard, turn the cylinder, push, lock . . .
Fire.
Seth and Abel had seen it coming and had scrambled for the door, both in a p
anic to get out. I followed them through the kitchen. They stumbled over Har
ridge's body in their haste to gain the scullery.
Pull back, turn, push, lock ...
Fire.
By then I wasn't even trying to aim. They were routed, and that was enough.
I didn't care if they lived or died as long as they were gone. They broke fr
ee of the house and fled away into the summer night. I could have followed t
hem, but simply fired over their heads, inducing them to greater speed.
They ran back the way they'd come: up the road to the cook's home, probably
 where they stayed when they weren't making raids. I'd allowed for the thie
ves coming over from Suffolk to prey on us, but it had never occurred to me
 that they could just as easily work their scheme from Nassau County. If th
ey had any brain at all between them, they'd take to a boat and be long gon
e before Nash could catch them.
I didn't care. To hell with them.
Returning to the others, I found Ash, Tully, and Norwood as I'd left them.
The scents of bloodsmell and powder and fear and death filled the room.
I rolled Norwood over. His eyes were just beginning to film and fade. His
last expression was of hurt disbelief. Ash had gotten him right where his
heart would have been had he possessed one. He was now past any worldly ca
res.
A pity. I would have treasured the chance to watch him swing, to see the this
 dancing master's legs twitching in his final jig. Too late now.
Tully would trouble us no more, either. His neck had been broken. His spine
, too, from the look of things. I took in this indirect evidence of my stre
ngth with barely a shrug, as though it had nothing to do with me, as though
 some other person had gone mad and—
I was numb inside and just a little cold. It was impossible to tell whethe
r it had to do with my body or my soul. A iron hard heaviness dragged at m
e, slowing my movements, my thoughts. I roused myself just enough to go ch
eck on Ash.
He lay on his back, a fearful wound just below his heart and the look of dea
th settling a gray shadow upon his face.
"Curse ye fer a bastard," he grunted as I knelt next to him.
"No doubt."
"That were a righteous execution. 'E were a traitor."
"Yes."
"Curse ye ... oh, God 'a' mercy." His hands clutched at the wound, unable t
o stem the outflow of blood or push away the pain.
"Let it go," I told him, knowing exactly, exactly what he was going through.

"Wha. . ."
My eyes hard on his, I said, "Let it go. The pain will stop."
"Stop?"
"Yes ..."
We stared at one another for a long minute, me silent with concentration, he
 gasping out his last breaths. Then his breathing eased, the moans lessened.
 His eyes were growing distant, starting to focus on something else. I recog
nized the look. Knew what he saw. Had felt that comforting drowsiness steali
ng up. I'd been there. Briefly. He would stay forever.
"Go to sleep, Mr. Ash," I whispered.
And he did.
I shut his eyes for him.
I shut my own.
But could not shut out the sights and sounds of what had happened. Of what
I'd done.
God have mercy on us all.
"Jonathan 7"
Only Elizabeth's voice could have possibly roused me from the blackness tha
t had stolen its way so swiftly and completely
over my soul. But I hardly recognized her. Could that thin and fear-filled w
hisper possibly belong to her?
She called to me again, and I somehow found my feet and went out to the hall
. She was at the top of the stairs peering fearfully down at me. She clutche
d a pistol in one hand.
"It's over," I said.
"I heard them ... I heard everything—"
Hurried up to her. Held her. "It's over. They're gone."
"I wanted to help, but I—"
"No, you did the right thing by staying out of it. God bless you for your goo
d sense. If anything had happened to you .. ."
She pushed away from me. "What's happened to James?"
He'd been the lowest kind of scoundrel and though betrayed in every sense of
 the word, she had, after all, loved him.
Still loved him, if I read her rightly. Such feelings don't die in an instant,
no matter how great the killing anger may be. They linger on, full of pain and
giving pain.
She saw my answer in my face, then tried to break away from me to go to him
. But I held her tight and kept her from rushing down into the hell-pit bel
ow.
EPILOGUE
Day by day, Elizabeth fought to regain herself. She spent a lot of time in Fa
ther's library, just sitting and reading, or sewing, or doing nothing much at
 all. He talked to her when she felt like it, or listened, or held her when s
he cried. On nights when she could not sleep, I took his place and kept her c
ompany.
I was unable to attend the funeral, which was thought of as strange by those
 outside the immediate family. But if Mother worried about what people might
 think, she kept it to herself for once. I heard all this afterward from Fat
her, as well as an account of how Elizabeth had startled not a few by insist
ing . that they call her by her maiden name again.
"The man I married is dead," she told them. "I am content to bury him with
his name and get on with things."
Brave words, though it took a while before she was up to fulfilling them.
But even the worst wounds can heal, given enough time and care. Father and
 I did our best for her. Her grief was genuine, her healing slow, but she
had no want for support and sympathy from all who knew her.
How terrible it was, they thought, wedded but a month and then to have her
husband killed by rebels ... and her poor sister-in-law gone simpleminded,
too. It was wicked, outrageous. Something ought to be done. At least her br
other had been there to roust the bastards. He'd gotten two of them, by God
, that was something. Well done, Jonathan.
That was the story that was put about, anyway.
Nash had gone after the remaining men and the cook and her family. He miss
ed catching them, which was just as well. We certainly had no need for any
 truth muddling up the facts at hand.
"How could I have been so wrong?" Elizabeth asked us many, many times.
"You weren't wrong, he was," Father and I would tell her.
She wore mourning clothes and went through the motions and rituals expect
ed of widows, and people assumed that her reason for not wanting to talk
about Norwood was a measure of the depth of her grief.
Given the times, other events soon crowded the tragedy from peoples' minds
as the realization asserted itself that the war was^ not going to be over w
ithin the year as they'd hoped. More raids took place, more raids were stag
ed, crops matured for the commissary to take away. Summer waxed and waned,
and little by little my nights began to lengthen.
I wrote to Oliver about the marriage and enjoined him to say aught to the r
est of the family about the business of the false title. As far as they wer
e concerned, she'd married "Lord Norwood" and he'd been killed by the war.
His sympathetic answer assured me that they knew nothing of their Cousin El
izabeth's true plight and never would from him.
He had no new word on Nora, except to say that the Warburtons had not see
n her for some months. They did not know where she had gone. I grew restl
ess with worry, snappish with unexpressed anger, and by the close of Sept
ember had made a decision.
I would go back to England.
It had been a long year full of too much waiting. The time had come for me
to look for Nora myself, to let her know what had happened to me, to ask he
r such questions as still remained. After much talk with Father about the p
racticalities of the journey, I won not only his consent, but full support.
 He and I began making arrangements for the passage.
Elizabeth was anything but overjoyed. "But how will you feed yourself?"
"I'll be taking along some livestock, of course, though Father thinks a sea
voyage might be rough on them. But I shan't be doing any flying about, so ea
ch meal should last me a few nights."
"I don't see how you can do it. You're utterly helpless during the day. You'l
l need a guardian."
"That's why Jericho will be with me, but I should really like some more comp
any, just to be safe . . . will you come?"
That surprised her. In fact, it took all the speech away from her for some m
inutes. "Me go to England?"
"You'd love it there. I did, when it wasn't raining. Damnation, I loved it whe
n it was. Please say yes."
"But what should I do?"
"Anything you like. You're independent now."
That won me a sharp look, but I knew what I was saying. Her marriage had b
een illegal, but the law did not know that, and to save face we were not p
repared to say otherwise. She'd come into her inheritance money. I saw no
reason why she shouldn't get some enjoyment out of it.
"There'd be parties . .."
She shuddered. "I'm not sure I'm ready for those."
"Sight-seeing, then. Cousin Oliver can take you 'round. You can skip Bedlam,
 if you like."
"Oh, thank you very much."
"You know what I mean. Please come."
"Is this as company for you or to get me out of this house?"
"Both and neither."
"I don't know . . ." And she didn't. Not really. Not at all.
My heart sank. She'd been like this for far too long, withdrawn, visibly hu
rting, and in doubt of herself. No matter how much help and love she had, i
t would never truly be enough. At some point she would have to learn how to
 help herself. Elizabeth had not yet reached it and I sadly wondered if she
 ever would.
Then out of nowhere the idea came to me, or perhaps it had been thrown u
p from some past memory of a time when my sister had been a happy and co
nfident woman.
"Tell me this, then: if you had never met him, would you go?"
She answered without really thinking. "Why, yes." Then she thought about it
...
And the thought surprised her.