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Yes, I know; I've messed up big time. I've not only let myself down, but my mother as well and everyone else back home. It might not have been so bad if mother wasn't the Ambassador here, so on top of everything else, it's caused a diplomatic incident. I can't even claim I went into it with my eyes closed. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I knew all about the very specific warnings my mother had given me about it. But the trouble was, when it came to it, I just couldn't stop myself. I guess no-one here really understands what I feel inside, and now, there's not going to be a proper chance for me to try and explain. I'm all packed up and waiting for the 'ship to take me back home. It's all been done very discreetly. They got me to the spaceport without the media catching up with us; they've been sent on some wild goose chase out of town. By the time they get to where they're going and find nothing there, I'll be shooting off towards the stars. Look, I'm going to say it and I don't care what you think. What I did was entirely natural and so I can't regret it, that's just the way it is. Well, that's the way it is back home. Always has been. I held out for as long as I could, but I'm not a saint, I'm a girl and I have girlie feelings and emotions, and urges, and you can only bottle them up for so long. It wasn't just that they were all rich and famous, though maybe that had something to do with it, but they were gorgeous; they were irresistible. He, more so than the others. I know we're not the same, not exactly; but we're close enough for the chemistry to work, and we're different enough to add that little bit of spice, that little bit of danger. Hell, I thought they knew, I thought they all knew. I thought he knew; he must have. Back home, they're philosophical about it; it's always been like that. They think it's worth it. I thought he thought it was worth it. He must have. He was crazy about me. I was crazy about him. I couldn't torture myself any longer, could I? In the shadows, you'd think we were alike. You know, head with hair, eyes, nose, mouth, two arms, two legs. Okay, in the light, the green scales are a bit of a give- away, but they're not hard, they're soft and warm, just like his wonderful pinkie brown skin. I still tingle when I think about my hands touching it, running over it, caressing it, gripping it. It was good. It was fantastic. He was in ecstasy. Could it be considered wrong when he was able to reach such a state? Forbidden love. That's what they called it. The love that should never have been. Never should have been allowed. But how can you stop such a thing? How can you stop the emotions? It was everything. It was love and it was lust and it was perfect and that's that. It was perfect. That's the signal; my ship's ready. I've got to embark. You won't see me again on your planet, I'm certain of that. Do you want me to say I'm sorry before I go? Please don't ask me to apologise. I will if you want, but it will be a hollow and empty thing, you know I won't mean it. Whatever you or anyone else says, I'll never forget your son and I'll always love him. No-one can ever take that away from me. What we experienced was genuine and sincere, I don't care what anyone says. I can sort of understand why you hate me, but at the same time, I can't. We are the way we are and we do what we do; you do things differently here. I can't understand why you don't do what we do. I never will. Thank you for hearing me out without interrupting or trying to inflict physical violence; something that many of your colleagues have advocated. It wasn't just a physical thing with your son, it was on a spiritual level as well. To us, it is a holy act and one undertaken on just a few occasions in a lifetime; not in the haphazard, casual and repetitive way that your race act. Do please understand, it was a special and sacred thing that I experienced with your son, and that is why, after the act of mating, the female of our species always eats the male donor; always. |