Cheaters Always Prosper


                Introduction

This book was written with the encouragement of some of
my friends who have always turned to me when they
needed advice on getting out of something, into something,
making easy money, and other such miracles. I wrote this
book for all the people out there who play by the rules and
wonder why other people get ahead. In short, rules were
made to be broken. One needs to stand back and look at the
system once in a while and see how it really works. That
is, look at the under-the-table arrangements, the payoffs,
the you-scratch-my-back-and-I'll-scratch-yours deals and
the blatant ripoffs that are part and parcel of our society.

I figured out how the world works when I was fifteen and
working at a very prestigious country club in California. I
got the job because I was being a nice guy to the new kid at
my high school. His name was Aaron, and his locker was
next to mine. Having been to ten or so schools myself by
that time, I knew the awkward and scared feelings of being
the new kid, so I introduced myself to him. We ate lunch
together and hung out that weekend. It turned out that his
father had just moved their family to my area because he
had been hired as the new tennis pro at a select
membership country club about ten minutes away from
where I lived. My parents were breathing down my neck to
get a job because I was old enough to start learning the
value of money... get a job ... blah, blah, blah, and
something about money and trees.

I was pissed and complaining to Aaron about what a drag
it was, and he suggested that I get a job as a caddie at the
country club where his father worked. Aaron had just
started working there, and I was impressed with the tips he
was making and the people he was meeting. If the names of
the people he caddied for were not in the opening credits
of every major movie I saw, they were on the front page of
the Los Angeles Times business section on a daily basis.
The job sounded a lot more appealing than Food
Preparation Technician (McDonald's employee) or
Petroleum Transfer Engineer (Chevron full-serve boy),
positions that other kids had taken. I decided to apply.

Hurdle No. 1: I had to be eighteen to work there. Solution:
Aaron told me to lie about my age. I did. It worked.

Hurdle No. 2: They wanted documentation of my age (for
insurance purposes, of course). Aaron had lied, too, but
had not needed documentation; apparently it would have
been bad form to ask the head tennis pro's son for proof of
his age. I did have the problem. Solution: My mother's
secretary took pity on me. She falsified a few documents
with some white-out, a typewriter, and a copy machine that
gave the country club a paper trail. When I gave the
paperwork to the caddie master, he smiled a knowing
smile when he saw the Xeroxed documents--and handed
me the caddie test.

Hurdle No. 3: The caddie test. I failed miserably. The
questions about caddie etiquette and rules were simple;
they were common-sense answers. The problem was that
more than half of the test comprised maps of each hole on
the course, and I had to fill in yardages from all the natural
landmarks on a hole in relation to the putting green. For
example, "this tree is 217 yards from the edge of the putting
green, and this rock formation is... " I told Aaron that I had
failed. He told me I was stupid; no one passed the test
without cheating. Solution: I cheated on my makeup
test--purposely leaving one wrong answer--and I passed
and prospered.

Hurdle No. 4: I got the job, but I didn't even know how to
play golf. Solution: I bulled my way through the first few
rounds and learned quickly. (The game is so simple that I
had to laugh at the people who played it.)

So there I was, at age fifteen, caddying for movie stars,
producers, captains of industry--and making $75 to $100
per round. I was meeting incredible people, spending my
days on a world-class golf course, and getting paid four or
five times as much as friends who had routine jobs. What
did I do? I got greedy. I wanted more money, and it was
there.

There were some members of the club who were "new
money" in every sense of the term. The caddies loved them
because they were the people who thought it was classy to
tip for anything and everything. Carry their bag from their
car to a golf cart (forty or so yards), and you'd have ten
dollars for lunch. These people were also major tippers
for a round of golf A lot of them were professional sports
players (or owned a team) and felt that the size of the tip
was a measure of their masculinity. These golfers were a
real prize for a caddie; $200 to $500 per round was
standard. These were the rounds every caddie wanted but
only a few of us got.

Now, I understood that there was a hierarchy involved and
I was at the end of the line, but I was not satisfied with this
arrangement. I worked my ass off for every round and
players loved me, so I talked to the caddie master about
getting the better-paying rounds. I was told that certain
caddies had been around much longer and had more
experience and, in a roundabout way, that I should "shove
it." I continued to work diligently for a measly $75 to $100
per round as I watched certain caddies making, what I
computed to be, over $50,000 a year, in cash. After a
while I finally got the chip off my shoulder and decided to
become close to some of them and learn from their infinite
caddying wisdom. I learned to kiss a little more tush,
which raised my earnings slightly but I still was not getting
the best rounds.

One day one of the more experienced caddies took me
aside and explained to me how to get the good rounds. In
doing so, he also taught me how the world works. He was
leaving the club to follow his dream of becoming a
professional golfer, and he recognized my work ethic and
my frustration. The trick was simple; I had to give the
caddie master 10 percent of my tips under the table, and he
would make sure I was getting the best-paying rounds. I
started paying off the caddie master, and I became the
richest fifteen-year-old around. The $200 to $500 rounds
were now mine too, along with front-row tickets to more
major sporting events than I could ever attend.

Caddying for people at this club taught me more about the
road to success than any class or book possibly could. I
learned that an education is by no means a prerequisite for
success. I witnessed multimillion-dollar deals being cut
over golf games, and the little extras thrown in to the deals
that could not be described as anything other than payoffs.
In short, I received the best education on bow the world
really operates by seeing the inner workings that outsiders
are not supposed to see. I put this book together to reveal
some of the inner workings that make up our capitalist
society to readers who are sick of playing by the rules but
still have not figured out how to break them and get away
with it. I have tried most of what appears on the following
pages and gotten away with almost everything.






                       1
       Screwing the Supermarket



Here's how to eat very well for very little money: Go to the
butcher section of the local supermarket and order two
pounds of jumbo shrimp at $14.99 per pound and two
pounds of beef by-products (for the dog, of course) at 79˘
per pound. Both of the packages are wrapped in white
butcher paper with price stickers on them. Switch the
labels and ditch the beef by-products behind some frozen
TV dinners. When you pay for your shrimp, you are
charged for the beef by-products on the price sticker. This
is a great method for buying choice cuts of meat and other
expensive butcher items. Note: Watch out for cameras in
the ceiling of the supermarket, as well as employees
moving around through the store. If you are caught peeling
the labels off, just say you were checking the freshness of
the meat and you accidentally put the labels back on the
wrong package.

You can also try the following: A girl-friend baked a
birthday cake for a surprise party thrown for me and it
turned out perfectly. It was honestly delicious and
everyone loved it, but for some reason the baker was
totally dissatisfied with the way the cake turned out.
Perhaps it was in my honor that she did what she did.
Whatever the reason, I was impressed with her actions.
She took the empty packages--boxes, icing, etc.--back to
the store with her receipt. The key thing that she brought
back to the store, however, was the carton of milk used to
make the cake. Although the milk was fresh, she poured a
little lime juice into it, which gave it a rotten odor and
curdled it. She took all of the cake ingredients to a store
manager, had him smell the milk and demanded a refund.
She told him that everyone who had eaten the cake suffered
food poisoning and that the party had been ruined. The
manager was apologetic and he not only refunded all the
cake mix ingredients, but he gave her a $150 gift certificate
for purchasing other groceries. This scam can be worked
with many different kinds of food in the market.


2
        Free Meals in Expensive
                Restaurants

When traveling, I go to the most expensive restaurants
available. I always run up large tabs with good wine,
appetizers, entrees, and then dessert. Dessert is the
surprise because I bring a small bag of shards of broken
glass to the table. I put a shard of glass in the dessert and
then call the waiter over about it. I tell him that I cut my
mouth on the glass and to check the kitchen to be sure that
no other food has broken glass in it because some
customers would sue over something like this. Usually the
manager or owner is at my table within thirty seconds
kissing my butt and refusing to let me pay for the meal. I
accept.

Sometimes however, I run into people who suspect me of
planting the glass, and they are much more difficult to deal
with. One time, the manager wouldn't buy my story. I had
the dessert removed from the tab but had to pay $120 for
the rest of the meal. Since then, I have added a climax to
the routine.

Most costume shops sell capsules of fake blood. The
capsules are filled with syrupy sugar-water that looks like
blood. During dessert, I crush a couple of them in my teeth,
and let a little bit dribble down my cheek. Then I spit some
of the fake blood on my napkin and make sure it is all over
my teeth when I call the waiter over to show him the shard
of glass. This works every time but I now have to make
sure that no one calls an ambulance. I always leave a good
tip for the waiter or waitress.

If you still want to eat for free or at a discount and not have
to make a scene, never underestimate the power of
complaining. In the restaurant business the customer is
always right, and this can be exploited. Pick any corporate
chain of restaurants. Call the corporate office to complain
about bad service, food, environment, etc. Tell the
customer service department that you were treated rudely
or ignored or that you received an unsatisfactory meal, and
you can be sure that they will offer you another meal,
gratis, to keep you as a satisfied customer. Fast-food
restaurants will usually give you restaurant coupons, and
more upscale restaurants, more likely a gift certificate for
lunch or dinner for two. just tell them that you have been a
loyal customer, and request the complimentary meal if they
do not offer it.

The following are some workable complaints: Bad
service; rude waiter; dirty, hung-over-looking waiter; flat
drinks; cold food; stale bread; dirty dishes; dirty
environment (restaurant and restrooms); something foreign
in the food; etc. Be creative!

There is one more way to get a free meal. I have been to
restaurants that have picked up my check because I sat in
chewing gum in a booth or chair. I wear pants that I do not
care about or jeans from which gum can be removed, and I
plant some chewed gum on my seat. Then I complain that
the pants were very expensive and that they have been
ruined. The manager will usually waive the tab for this,
too.

All You Can Eat... for a Week

There's another restaurant trick which is applicable to the
all-you-can-eat buffet setup. I learned the following from
older and wiser friends in college: bring Tupperware in a
bag when you go out to a meal at an all-you-can-eat
establishment. Fill the containers with food from your plate
and tray. A woman can also line a tote-bag or purse with
aluminum foil and just empty her plate into the bag.

It is best to choose an out of the way table so other diners
aren't staring at you. I also recommend bringing bags or
anything else that does not look conspicuous on the table
but will conceal your packaging procedures. You can make
enough trips to have food for days. This is also a very
practical way to save time on cooking since you can
microwave the leftovers. Note: Try to pick foods that will
last in your refrigerator. Many types of food are only good
when they have been freshly prepared.


3
          Free Food and Booze
                  in Hotels

Many large hotels contain restaurants and bars. When I
travel, I also eat and drink in hotels because I can put the
bill on someone else's tab. I wait until I see someone
leaving his hotel room and note the room number. After I
make sure he is not checking out, I can tell waitresses to
charge food and drinks to "my room" (which is actually the
room of the other person).

In most cases you will have to sign for whatever you order.
When you sign for it, look on the tab and you will usually
find the name of the person footing the bill next to the room
number. I recommend signing the name in a scrawl. If the
name of the person to whose room you are charging your
bill is not on the tab when you have to sign it, just write in
completely illegible pigeon-scratch, and they won't know
the difference. (See a doctor's signature on a prescription
for a good example of a completely illegible signature.)

If you do get the name of the person from the tab, make a
note of it. Then, if you really have chutzpah, you can
request the hotel limo driver to take you to nightclubs,
theaters, and so on. It is best to call the front desk and
request the limo so you do not have to see the clerks in
person, who might recognize you. The request should be as
follows: "Hello, this is John Doe in Room 314. I'm having
a drink in the lounge, and I was wondering if I could get the
hotel limo to drop me off at [blank]?" Sometimes you will
find that the limo has already been reserved, but they will
usually squeeze you in for a quick trip if you turn on the
charm. If all goes well, they tell you the limo will be
waiting in front of the hotel for you at the time you
requested. Don't worry about any charges to the room of
the person you are impersonating, because he will not have
to pay the bill if he refutes the charges. By that time you
had better be long gone.

Free Stay at Hotels (Without the Room)

Another great aspect of large hotels is that you can stay at
them without taking a room. When I was in college, my
friends and I traveled all over the country in a convertible
during the summer. We would sleep under the stars every
night and freshen up in comfortable hotels in the mornings.
The staff at large hotels never know who is a guest and
who is not, so when we walked into a hotel and acted like
actual guests, we were treated like them.

Usually the upscale hotels have a swimming pool, hot tub,
tennis court, and men's and women's bathrooms by the pool
so that people can shower and dry off before going back
inside. We would use these bathrooms to get cleaned up
after a morning swim or tennis game. In some resort areas,
like Palm Springs, we would spend an entire day lounging
around the pool where live bands played reggae music. We
were playing volleyball, meeting new people, and charging
everything to other people's rooms. We traveled through
North America in grand style and hardly paid for anything.
The key to pulling it off was acting like we were staying in
the hotel. If we hopped a fence to get into the pool security
would nail us. On the other hand, when we walked through
the lobby with bags we looked like guests. This is a good
example of how to get away with something by being
completely obvious about it.

Free Towels, Toiletries, and Tea

Often the bathrooms in five-star hotels will have all the
necessary toiletries laid out for your use. This is always a
great way to stock up on towels for your own living
quarters. I have a collection of white towels that furnish
every bathroom in my house. All the extras are great for
dishrags and washing and waxing cars.

Mornings in hotels are also good for complimentary
continental breakfasts, which are commonly laid out
buffet-style for the guests. If I bring reuseable containers, I
can usually steal enough food for lunch, too. Hotels are
also a great place to pick up a nice set of silverware
instead of buying it. A buffet setup often leaves all of the
spoons, knives, and forks out for the guests to take for
themselves. Dishes are a little harder to steal, and hotel
dishes usually look like hotel dishes, but if you want them
... well, there's no accounting for taste.

4
         Borrowing Brand-New
                     Cars

One morning I woke up knowing I had to drive down the
coast to have lunch with a friend and pick up some
paperwork. It was such a beautiful day that I absolutely had
to drive a convertible. I refuse to pay money to rent a
cheesy convertible, so I set my mind to borrowing a fancy
one. I went to the Ford dealership and told a salesman that
a relative had just left me some money and I wanted to treat
myself to a convertible. I test drove a fully-loaded Mustang
GT convertible and I told the dealer everything he wanted
to hear such as "I love it, I want it, It's a great price." (It
was overpriced by five thousand dollars.) I could almost
see the commission dollar signs spinning in his eye
sockets. He asked me what be could do to make me drive
home in the Mustang that day. My response was that I
wanted to drive it around for the day and get a better feel
for the car. Five minutes later, they had filled the tank and
sent my on my merry way. When I returned it, I told the
dealer that I had promised to look at my mother's friend's
Mustang, which she had just bought and did not like. I said
she was offering it to me for a great price, but that I hated
the color, so I would be back in the morning to buy the one
I borrowed. I never called him back.

Two days later I had to drive down the coast again and had
the same dilemma: beautiful day and no convertible. This
time I went to the BMW dealership and gave the dealer the
same line. He was a tougher egg to crack because he
wanted proof that I had the money in the form of bank
statements. This was a big hurdle. I had to have that
convertible BMW, though, so I went to my bank. I
deposited a $75 check into my account and entered
$75,000 at the cash machine where I made my deposit. It
gave me a transaction receipt that said my balance was
over $75,000. I then took out some money and used the
receipt to show the dealer. I also went inside the bank and
told the teller I was in a rush and I had made a mistake in
my deposit. She was very nice and fixed it for me
immediately. I still had the receipt. I showed it to the
dealer, and I was out the door with a convertible BMW for
the day.


5
         New Paint Job and New
           Windshield for Free

My car's windshield had a crack in it, and I got a ticket
before I had a chance to have it fixed. I did not want to pay
for the new windshield or the ticket. While I was driving
one day, I made a note of some government workers
repairing the road near my home. They were patching and
repaving parts of the highway, and there were pebbles and
gravel all over the road. I went to a car dealership and got
an estimate for a new windshield (and for a new paint job
for the front of my car while I was at it). The estimate was
about $2,400, and I sent a copy of it with a copy of my
cracked-windshield ticket to the state highway department.
In my letter to them, I asked them to pay for the windshield,
the paint, and the ticket. I figured that they would refute the
claim or try to pay for only a percentage of the bill.
Instead, they sent me a check for the entire amount I had
asked for. I paid my ticket, replaced my windshield, and
pocketed the remaining $2000. Of course, the tiny nicks on
the front of my car were preexisting and hardly noticeable,
so I just spent the paint job money that the state highway
department gave me on a vacation.

A similar way to get a windshield replaced, and even make
money on the side, works as follows: I keep an eye out
when I am driving (especially on highways) for trucks
carrying gravel. I write down the name, city, and phone
number of the trucking company and send it a bill like the
one I sent to the state highway department. I sent several
trucking companies the same bill and got money from all of
them. I also sent the bill to a few city government offices
saying that gardeners mowing the lawns in the center
dividers of major streets accidentally shot a rock through
the lawn mower and cracked my windshield. They also
sent me money. The most important part of all these claims
is that you must provide the date, time, and place of the
incident, because most companies and government
agencies will check to see if their workers were where you
say they were at the time your claim notes.



6
          Speeding Tickets and
             Related Offenses

I was pulled over for speeding and the officer was a real
tough egg. Admittedly, I was going over eighty miles per
hour, but I feel that I can drive safely at such speeds. The
officer did not, and he gave me a fat ticket. If this ticket
went on my record, I would have had my license
suspended because of some other ridiculous tickets that I
bad received previously. I went to court and pleaded "not
guilty," and was given a court date to plead my case
against the officer. In traffic court, if the officer does not
show up for the case hearing, the ticket and charges are
dropped.

The officers are paid to go to court so they generally go,
but sometimes people get lucky and they do not show up. I
had to make sure that the officer did not show up so I
drafted the following letter:

    Dear Officer [blank]
    My name is Gary Wolfe and I have been named
    the executor of the will of John McFarlin who
    passed away on February 11, 1993. He left you
    five thousand dollars for saving his life in
    California. I cannot be sure it was you.
    However, Mr. McFarlin did have a very close
    friend in Montclair, California, whom he visited
    regularly. I will be in the Los Angeles area on
    February 26th through the 28th taking care of
    other business regarding Mr. McFarlin's estate.
    Please join me for breakfast at 9:00 A.M. at the
    Sidewalk Cafe restaurant in the Westin
    Bonnaventure Hotel in downtown Los Angeles. I
    will have your check and a picture of Mr.
    Randall so you can identify him and hopefully
    tell me something which might validate your
    claim. Due to the fact that the will was
    handwritten, it does not hold much legal weight.
    In short, all unclaimed assets will be turned over
    to the state so it would be in your best interest to
    show up. I look forward to meeting you.
    Sincerely,
    Gary Wolfe

The meeting date in this letter happened to coincide with
my court date. I left no return address, phone number, or
even fingerprints on the letter. I addressed it to the
California Highway Patrol, Attn. Officer [blank]. Then I
sent the letter in an envelope to my friend in New
Hampshire who dropped it in the mail there so it sported a
New Hampshire postmark.

When the court day came around the officer did not show
up, and the judge said it was my lucky day. I don't know
how much luck had to do with it but I'm still driving.


7
        Protecting Your Driving
                   Record

At one point my driver's license was suspended, so I went
to Vancouver, Canada, and got a Canadian license using a
friend's address. I used it to drive during the time my
license was suspended in California, and any speeding
tickets I got were sent to the address in Vancouver. The
great advantage of this was the fact that I could get an
unlimited number of tickets in California, and nothing
would go on my record in the United States, because the
departments of motor vehicles in the United States and
Canada do not communicate with each other. I have some
Canadian friends who get tickets in the United States and
don't even pay them. Unfortunately, getting a driver's
license from a state other than your own won't work in this
scenario because the departments of motor vehicles from
all the states communicate with each other to make sure
people's driving records are kept in focus wherever they
go in the United States. Canadian licenses are easy to get;
this applies to Mexican licenses as well.


8
            New Tires for Free

I needed new tires for my car, and I was on the way to buy
them until a friend told me how to get them for free. I
rented a car that had the same size tires as the ones on my
car. Then a friend helped me swap the tires between the
rental car and my car. Instead of paying $400 for a new set
of tires, I ended up paying $35 for a car rental. I also
switched the air filters since they were compatible.

When I returned the car minus a few components, the rental
company employees didn't notice. Rental cars are great
sources of all sorts of miscellaneous parts that can be used
on other cars.

Note: It is best to swap tires with a rental car before your
own tires are actually balding. Bald tires are obvious, and
you run the risk of an inspector noticing the switch. On the
other hand, if your tires are well worn but not balding, it
will look like normal wear and tear on the rental vehicle.


9
       Avoiding Mileage Charges
        on Rental Cars and Vans

Another idea for use with rental cars is to turn off the
odometer, which keeps the mileage charges down. This can
be done very simply by pulling the fuse for the dashboard.
The speedometer and the lighting in the dash won't work,
but the radio will not be affected, so you can travel with
music and the headlights will still function. The owner's
manual for the car will show you where the fuse box is
located. In most manuals there is a diagram that will point
out which fuse controls the dashboard. They are easy to
remove and replace.

This method can also be used to keep the recorded mileage
down on your own car. For purposes of convenience, I
recommend installing a switch on the dashboard fuse that
can be turned on and off from the driver's seat. This
enables the driver to turn it off so that miles do not
continue to register. Note: It is important to keep a mental
note of your actual mileage so that you do not miss oil
changes and other important maintenance services.


10
          Flying First Class for
                 Coach Fare

When traveling, I buy coach-class plane tickets but fly first
class. This is easy to do, because when the flight attendants
announce the boarding of the plane, I wait until the final
boarding call. At this time, almost all of the people on the
flight are in their seats. When I board the plane, I sit in any
open seat that I see in first class. Because I am one of the
last people to board, it is very unlikely that I am in
someone else's seat since everyone else is already seated.
Because I am in first class, the flight attendants do not want
to run the risk of offending me by asking me if I have a
first-class ticket, so I usually do not have any problems
once the seat belt is fastened. If they do catch me, I tell
them that I booked a first-class seat but the ticket counter
made a mistake and gave me coach. Then I offer to pay
extra for the seat. In most cases this is fine with the flight
attendants. Later, when the airline calls to ask me to pay
the difference, I tell the airline that I refuse to pay for first
class when I was treated so rudely. I describe how I was
asked to leave the first-class section which I requested
when buying the ticket. It is especially easy to find a seat in
first class on large planes, such as 747s. The hassles
usually come on smaller planes where the flight attendants
know exactly who should be in each seat. In all cases I
recommend being polite and cordial to the flight attendants,
even if you are being stubborn. Otherwise they will
probably spit in your food.


11
            New Clothes at the
             Airlines' Expense

Sometimes when flying, I check a carry-on sized bag in at
the baggage desk with my other bags so that I have a claim
tag on each bag. The clerk at the desk will then staple one
claim-tag number stub to my ticket for each bag that I check
in. When I go to claim my baggage at my destination I pick
up all my luggage, but I rip the tag off of the carry-on. Of
course, I have to be inconspicuous about removing the tag,
but this is not difficult in the usual airport crowds.

I then go to the airline desk at the airport and claim that one
of my bags did not arrive. I show them my matching
claim-tag number stubs for all my baggage that I did get,
and I show them my claim-tag number stub for the missing
bag. if they ask about my carry-on bag, I tell them that I
brought it onboard with me and did not check it. When they
search their records, they find that I am indeed missing one
bag and that it was indeed checked in. I describe an
expensive garment bag loaded with clothes, cameras, etc.
Then I tell the people at the airline desk that I am traveling
on business and that the missing bag had all of my business
suits in it, and I need one for a meeting that day.

Airline policy is usually to replace any lost articles. They
explain this to me, and I go shopping and spend a lot of
money on new clothes. Then I send the airline the bill. The
always reimburse me for my clothes, and sometimes I am
credited with free plane tickets as compensation for my
trouble.


12
         Free Airline Tickets and
             Their Cash Value

I obtained my first Porsche with the following swindle: I
buy plane tickets on the busiest flights leaving my city.
These flights are usually overbooked by the airlines. (I
found out through a flight attendant friend which flights
were consistently overbooked. Travel agents have this
information too.) I buy the tickets for full price through the
airline ticket counter, using a credit card so that they are
fully refundable. When airlines have overbooked flights,
they ask the passengers if anyone will be willing to take a
later flight. I always offer to be bumped. Many airlines
have a policy of offering a free round-trip plane ticket to
any destination in the continental United States to anyone
who gets bumped. I get this free ticket as compensation,
and then I return my ticket at the ticket counter saying that I
want to take the flight a few days later. They credit my card
with the price of the ticket, and I leave with a free ride to
anywhere in the continental United States. if the flight that I
expected to get bumped from is not overbooked I do the
same thing; I return the ticket at the ticket counter saying
that I changed my mind and I do not want to fly that day (I
do not get stuck paying for a ticket). Then I buy a ticket for
another flight that is likely to be overbooked and try again.
The great thing about getting a free plane ticket is that it can
actually be sold to a travel agency or a private party. These
free round-trip tickets go for anywhere from four hundred
dollars to six hundred dollars. I sold a batch of such tickets
to a travel agency and bought a car with the money. I also
used some for travel around the country.


13
        Making Money Returning
                 Purchases

This swindle can be applied in various ways, but I will
offer a specific example: You buy five small-size Ralph
Lauren Polo shirts at one store where they sell for $32
each. At another more upscale department store, you return
them, saying that they were a gift from a relative who did
not know your size. You say you do not want them, and the
department store will send you a check reimbursing you for
the shirts at the retail price--$55 per shirt. In short, you
make a $23 profit on each shirt by buying them where they
are cheap and returning them where they are expensive.
Note: Do not go into the store looking like a bum when you
do this. If you look respectable, you are less likely to be
suspected of fraud. Again, be courteous when you are
dealing with the sales representatives, and you will get
less of a hassle.


14
          Getting Paid to Shop

After Christmas, when stores are busy with returns, you
can go shopping and take the tags off of clothes
(inconspicuously) and return them for cash. This can
actually be done any time of year, but you are less likely to
be noticed in the after-Christmas crowds. You simply take
the tags off of the items you pick, throw them away, and go
to the counter and say they were gifts and you want to
return them. You can also exchange them for other clothes
in the store. When they ask for the receipt, just tell them it
was lost in the holiday shuffle. They will probably hassle
you, but be persistent and you will get a refund. Sometimes
they will ask you if you would like them to send you a
check or just give you a credit. This is always a great way
to shop without paying for anything.


15
        New Apparel Every Week

Because it is important to look good in business, I always
wear very nice new clothes. This would be an expensive
habit, but I never pay for them. Instead, I go shopping and
buy one week's worth of expensive clothes on a credit
card. I wear them all week, being careful not to damage
them, and then I return them. I tell the people where I return
the clothes that they were a gift for a friend who was
leaving the country and that I did not get the clothes to my
friend before he left. I have the entire bill recredited to my
card, and then I go shopping in another store and do the
same thing.


16
        Free Money From Credit
                    Cards

For those people who need money but cannot get a loan,
credit cards are the answer. Usually a person has only a
limited number of credit cards. if, for example, I do not
have much credit history, and I already have five well-used
credit cards, I am likely to be turned down when I apply
for a sixth card. The credit card companies check my credit
with my Social Security number, which is on my
application. When they check this they see that I already
have five credit cards and they reject me. If, however, I
have no credit cards and I apply for twenty or thirty credit
cards all at the same time (mail them on the same day), they
will all be approved because they all check my credit at
the same time and see that I have no cards. Then, when I
receive my credit cards I can get cash advances on half of
them and not use the other half. When I get my bills, I pay
the first half of them off with the other half and so on and
so on.

For example, I get twenty credit cards. I take $1,000 in
cash advances from each of the first ten credit cards. When
I get billed for these cards I take cash advances of $1,000
from each of the other ten credit cards to pay the bills for
the first ten credit cards. Every month I pay off one half of
the credit cards with the other half. By doing this, I avoid
paying any interest on my credit cards because the first
thirty days are interest-free on charges made on all major
credit cards. The only charges I incur are the relatively
small charges for taking cash advances on the cards. In
most cases these charges are less than the interest rates on
a bank loan. This is a great way to give yourself some
spending money without having to repay. A person could
theoretically run this scheme forever.


17
         Reward Money for Lost
                     Pets

A college acquaintance was told by his parents to earn his
own spending money but he was allergic to working. One
day he found a wandering dog and took it home with him.
A few days later, he saw reward signs around his
neighborhood. He returned the lost dog to the grateful
owner, who rewarded him with $100. He then began
picking up animals in upscale neighborhoods and keeping
them at his home until he saw reward signs. Then he would
return the animals and collect the rewards. He did quite
well doing this, and when he did not see reward signs, he
would call the numbers on the pets' ID tags (if they had
one) and tell the people that he had just found the pet.
Usually he would get a reward for this, too. It was easy
money for him, and it only cost him a minimal amount to
feed the pets.


18
            Vending Machines

I never pay for food from vending machines because I
always get my money back after I get the food. Here's how:
Take a strip of clear heavy-duty packing tape (used at the
post office) and tape a strip that is one and a half
dollar-bill lengths long to the short edge of a dollar bill.
Place an equal length of tape to the other side so that the
sticky sides of the tape are stuck together. The tape should
overlap the edge of the dollar bill by approximately
one-eighth of an inch so that it barely covers any of the face
on the bill. Keep this bill in your wallet or purse and use it
at vending machines any time. Here's how it works: You
insert the bill into the bill receiver and let it slide all the
way into the machine where it stops to be read. Hold on
tightly to the tape that is still sticking out of the receiver.
Make your selection, and pull the taped bill out. You will
get whatever you selected and change on top of getting your
bill back.


Free Money From Vending
                  Machines

Some older-model vending machines have bill receivers
that have an adverse reaction to salt water. By pouring salt
water in the bill-receiver slot, a person can make the bill
reader short-circuit and cause the vending machine to spit
out all of its change. It does not have to be ocean water;
any salt and water solution will work. Unfortunately, only
older models react this way. The newer models are
immune to this particular trick.


19
               Free Laundry

I learned this trick in the dormitories, but it also has other
applications. For this example, we will use a Laundromat.
The slots on many pay washing machines and dryers take
coins in an upright position in a series of parallel
horizontal slots. I borrow an old pair of panty hose and
place a layer of it over the quarter slots. Then I put the
quarters into the slots with the thin layer of panty hose
under them. I fold the top layer of panty hose over the top
of the quarters and push the coin tray into the vending
machines. The quarters go into the machine in the slots, but
the thin layer of panty hose prevents them from falling into
the coin box inside the machine. Instead, the quarters
return, and the machine is still activated.




                      20
                Bad Checks

Need a new stereo, TV, dining room set, etc.? If you find
or get hold of somebody else's checkbook you can buy
almost any used item in the classified section of a
newspaper or in magazines. This is because most people in
residences generally do not ask for identification. You also
do not have to worry about being recorded by a hidden
camera. You can write bad checks for just about anything.
It is not a good idea to do this in the area where you live,
however, because of the risk of running into someone
you've scammed.


21
        Free Compact Disks and
                    Tapes

In magazines, you can often find order forms for mail-order
record clubs. These clubs attract members by offering
several tapes or CDs for free when you join up. They make
their money by getting members to commit to buying more
CDs at inflated prices.

I have hundreds of CDs because I order these free
introductory packages under false names. They send me
several CDs up front, and then bill the false name. The
bills eventually turn into threats to ruin the credit of that
nonexistent person; the record companies turn over
overdue bills to a collection agency. Of course, I never
pay, and just order more CDs under new names.
Sometimes they put a freeze on any CDs coming to my
address, but I just rent a P.O. box, and then another, and
another...

This works well with magazine subscriptions and anything
else you can order through the mail. I just check the "bill
me" box on the order form and use a false name.


22
            Discounts on New
                Merchandise

Whenever I want to buy something new, I apply for a job at
a place that retails whatever it is that I want to buy. As
soon as I get the job, I buy whatever it is that I want with
my employee discount, and then quit. Employee discounts
commonly pass the items along to the employees at cost.
This means that the retailer sells the item to the employee
for the same price that the company buys it from the
manufacturer. With electronics, the discount is usually one
third to one half off the retail price; with new automobiles,
the discount is commonly between one-quarter and
one-half off the retail price. With furniture, the discounts
are often more than fifty percent off the retail price.

If I cannot get a job where I want to an employee discount,
or if I do not want the hassle, I approach an employee and
cut a deal. I usually offer them fifty to one hundred dollars
to buy something for me using my money. In this case you
have to be careful, however, because you leave yourself
wide open to be ripped off, and you do not have much
recourse. Make sure you trust someone before cutting a
deal like this.


23
                  Résumés

Everybody knows that people embellish résumés a little
bit. I embellish a lot and it never seems to catch up with
me. In today's job market you do not want to be qualified;
you want to be overqualified. A résumé says just as much
about a person--if not more--than an actual interview.
Without a stand-out résumé you may not even get an
interview.

I once saw a comedian who gave me my theory on résumé
writing. He said his mother could never accept him
because he did not go to college. She said to him, "Just go
to college so you can tell people you have a degree." His
response: "What? Like I can't say that now?"

It is a rather funny way of looking at things, but it is also
quite true.

I went to college but I did not graduate. That does not took
good on a résumé. I personally had a problem with taking
classes that had no practical applications in my life so I
took classes that I liked and received an education. I did
not, however, get that piece of paper called a degree
indicating I took all the classes I needed to graduate. I
certainly do not state this on my résumé. I state that I
graduated from the university I attended with a double
major in Political Science and Business. I state that I
graduated in four years, and that I was on the Dean's list for
six of the eight semesters I was at school. I note that I was
the president of many organizations including the
Interfraternity Council and Saferides Program. I inflate the
tiniest details into major events and I am able to lie very
well when asked about anything on the résumé. In short, my
entire résumé is created out of hot air. I know that
employers in most fields are not going to ask me for proof
of graduation or for transcripts so I say whatever puts me
ahead of the other applicants. It still has not caught up with
me and it does not look like it ever will.


24
         Getting Several Salaried
                Jobs at Once

When I first started lying heavily on résumés, I obtained
many of the jobs for which I applied. I decided to accept
four salaried jobs at once. During my first month I reported
a few family tragedies to all of the jobs and juggled all
four of them, coming in to work only a few days each per
month. I was even being interviewed for more jobs and
accepting them. Upon accepting each job, I would come in
to work, get set up, and meet everyone and establish good
faith for the first couple of days. Then I would report these
mythical family tragedies. I would hardly show up at work
after a while and drag out each job for as long as I could
before they let me go. I usually got a month's pay and
sometimes more. Of course this does not apply to hourly
wage jobs, so you have to take only salaried positions.
Another good rule of thumb is not to take any of these jobs
in the area in which you live because you might run into
company executives when you are ditching work.


25
             Changing Prices

Many retail stores have stickers with bar codes on them
stuck to their merchandise. The bar code is scanned over a
laser at the checkout counter which reads the price. In
many stores these stickers are removable. I switch the
stickers with ones on lower-priced items, and the checkers
usually don't notice. I did $30,000 worth of landscaping at
my house for less than $4,000 by switching the stickers on
plants, trees, and bushes in the nursery section of a major
hardware store chain.

Some price stickers have the price of the item printed on
the sticker, which is then manually entered into the cash
register. I switch the price stickers and get away with that,
too. This usually works because cashiering is such a
mindless job that cashiers are often disinterested. You can
switch price stickers and bar codes and even price tags in
many different kinds of stores, but be careful to avoid
surveillance cameras.


26
                Free Postage

When paying my bills, I put a one-cent postage stamp on
the envelope instead of a thirty-two-cent stamp. I never put
a return address on the envelopes, so the post office
delivers it to the addressee with postage due. They will
accept it and pay the thirty-one cents, because the company
knows that the envelope contains a payment.

Another great way to send mail at no expense is to switch
the addressee with the return address, and leave the
postage off. Since there are no stamps on the letter, it will
be "returned" to the address in the upper-left-hand comer
of the envelope.




                      27
       Taking an "Administrative
           Cut" From Charities

You can start any sort of charity and take a legal
administrative cut. There are hundreds of ways of
collecting money in the forms of fundraisers. just organize
a fundraiser, collect money for a charity, give the charity a
small percentage of the money as a private donation, and
keep the rest.


28
             Switching Phone
           Companies for Cash
                 Incentives

The war for customers between the phone companies has
become so ridiculous that they will actually pay customers
cash to switch from one company to another. I call up one
of the big three companies each month and ask what they
will offer if I switch to their company and they do offer
cash incentives to switch. I switch to a new company; they
send me a check (usually up to fifty dollars), and then I do
the same thing to a new phone company the next month.
Sometimes the company I leave offers to send a check to
stay with them.




                      29
          Free Pizza and Other
              Delivered Food

I order food to be delivered to my neighbor's house, and
while the delivery boy is ringing my neighbor's bell and
trying to figure out where the delivery's supposed to go, I
can take all the other food from the delivery car.


30
         Replacing "Damaged"
                    Goods

Just about every company has a department for handling
customer service. If you send a product back to the
manufacturer, you can bet that you will get a response and
probably a new replacement. Here is an example:

I bought a couple of overpriced pairs of designer-label
boxer shorts. They were very comfortable, so I wore them
a lot. Of course, after a while they began wearing out. I
took one pair and stretched it out as much as I could and
sent it back to the manufacturer, along with a letter saying
that I was not satisfied with the quality of their
undergarments. I wrote that I had purchased seven pairs
which were all in similar condition and that I wanted them
all replaced. I complimented the company on its quality
standards, and I said that I was otherwise a loyal customer
who does not mind paying a premium for excellence. They
sent me seven new pairs.

I do the same thing with just about every other product that
wears out and everything is replaced, including shoes,
electronics, sports equipment, etc.


31
         Cut to the Front of the
           Line at Theme Parks

All my friends love to go with me to theme parks like
Disneyland because I always fake a sprained ankle. Theme
parks will offer a wheelchair to anyone who is disabled in
any way. Park policy for wheelchair-bound visitors is to
let them and all in their group cut to the front of the line.
The best part of being in a wheelchair is that your friends
push you around all day and your feet do not ache.


32
        Charge Up a Credit Card
           and Report It Stolen

Here is a way to buy almost anything you want and not pay
for it. Order a credit card and give it to one of your friends
when it arrives. The friend can charge everything you want
to buy in a very short space of time. Stores do not usually
ask for an identification with a credit card but if your
friend is caught he/she can be absolved because you can
say that you gave permission to use it. Assuming your
friend does not get caught however, you can call your
credit card company when the statement arrives and report
that the card was not received. Report that the card must
have been stolen (after your friend finishes using it). Tell
them you never had the card and that the charges were
fraudulent. A credit card company does not charge you for
unauthorized invoices so they take it as a loss and both you
and the friend have everything that your friend charged,
free of charge. You do have to be careful to lay low with
the charged material as credit companies investigate these
claims.


33
            Have the Insurance
           Company Pay for an
            Uninsured Vehicle

My friend totaled his sports car and he did not have car
insurance. He had it towed to his house without
observation by the police. There was no report of the car
being in an accident.

I had him borrow an identical automobile from another
mutual friend, attach the license plates from the totaled car,
and drive to an insurance broker. He purchased full
collision coverage for the car which he had already
totaled.

He gave the insurance agent all the paperwork from the
wrecked car. She took a few Polaroid pictures of the
pristine automobile. He paid the premium and returned the
car to the other friend. One month later he called the
insurance company and told them that he had been in an
accident and had had his car towed to his home. He put in a
collision claim and the company decided his car was
totaled. The insurer gave him a check for a new car.


34
             Other False Auto
             Insurance Claims

Some people scan the used car magazines for damaged
cars that have a "clean title." This means that according to
Department of Motor Vehicles' records the car is still in
normal operating condition. Many cars that have been in
accidents are given a "salvaged" label, which means that
the damage from an accident was so severe that it is
cheaper for the insurance company to replace the car than
pay to have it fixed. This "salvaged" title goes on the
Department of Motor Vehicles' records. If however, a car
has been in an accident, and there is no documentation of
the accident at the Department of Motor Vehicles, the car
has a "clean title." This means that you can usually buy the
damaged vehicle at a highly discounted price and have it
insured, using a car that is exactly the same model (to show
the insurance company when you purchase insurance).
Again you can submit a bogus claim using your damaged
car after you have it insured as an automobile in sound
working order. They will pay to have your damaged car
repaired or pay market value of the car if it had been in
normal driving condition. Either way you will make money
on the deal.


35
       Homeowners' and Renters'
                  Insurance

These types of insurance usually indemnify the holders
against loss or damage. There are ways to make money
from these policies.

For example, I sold all my electronics to friends and
through the classifieds. Then I reported that I had been
robbed one weekend while I was on vacation. My
insurance company wrote me a check for a new TV, stereo,
computer, mountain bike, and three portable phones. It is
always a good idea to keep the receipts for these "stolen"
items in your records so that you can give them to the
insurance company, but you can usually get almost as much
compensation without them. Of course, you can usually get
compensation for just about anything that you report stolen
from your house. The best part about these claims is that
you get to pocket the cash from selling the equipment plus
getting brand new replacements at the insurance company's
expense.


36
           Bogus Raffle Tickets

A couple that I know go to fairs, swap meets, and other
similar events where they set up a table on the weekends to
sell raffle tickets for their classic convertible. They
display the convertible behind their booth and sell tickets
for two to five dollars saying that proceeds go to charity.
They never raffle off the car but they continue to collect for
it and pocket the money from the ticket sales. They do,
however, make contributions to the charity for which they
are raising funds.


37
        Free Admission to Movie
          Theaters and Concerts

When I go to the movies with friends, we only buy two
tickets. The first two of our group go into the theater to be
seated. Then one of them comes back outside with both of
their tickets. He tells the ticket taker at the door that he left
the car unlocked or something along those lines as an
excuse to leave and come back. Then he gives the extra
ticket to me and I enter the theater separately from my
friend (who also re-enters the theater with his ticket). Then
I take the two ticket stubs and repeat the same scenario and
give one of the tickets to another in the group outside the
theater.

This scam also has many other applications, including
concerts where specified seats are not assigned. Two
tickets can be recycled indefinitely if the people pulling the
stunt are smooth.


38
                 Chain Letters

Never underestimate the stupidity of the public. Chain letters
have been around for a long time and have made some people
very rich. Others have at least made a moderate amount of
money mailing them.

Chain letters are essentially a pyramid scheme. The following is
a good example of a chain letter that works today. Note: You do
not have to limit the amount of letters you send. The odds of
making money greatly increase when you send chain letters to
more people. Here is the letter:

    My name is Dave Miller. In September 1991, my car
    was repossessed and bill collectors were hounding
    me like you wouldn't believe. I was laid off from
    work and my unemployment insurance had run out.
    In October 1991, 1 received a letter telling me how to
    earn $50,000 anytime I wanted to. Of course I was
    skeptical, but because I was so desperate and
    virtually had nothing to lose, I gave it a try.
    In January 1992, my family and I went on a ten-day
    cruise! The next month I bought a 1992 Cadillac with
    CASH! I am currently building a home in Florida and
    will never have to work again.
    I have earned over $200,000 to date and I may have a
    million dollars within the next four to six months. This
    money program works perfectly every time and I have
    never failed to receive less than $50,000 with each
    mailing. This is a legitimate business opportunity; a
    perfectly legal money-making program. It does not
    require you to sell anything or to come in contact with
    people, and best of all, you only have to leave home
    to mail the letters.
    If you believe that someday you will get that lucky
    break, simply follow the instructions below and your
    dream will come true!

    Dave Miller, Palm Beach Florida

    Follow these instructions exactly, and in twenty to
    sixty days you will receive over $50,000, guaranteed!

    1. Immediately send $1.00 (cash only) to each of the
    five names listed below. Wrap up the dollar bill in a
    note saying "Please add my name to your mailing list."
    This is a legitimate service for which you are paying
    $1.00.
    2. Remove the name which is number one on the list
    and move the other four names up one position.
    (Number two will become number one, etc.) Then
    place your name in the number five position. This can
    be done easily by typing or printing the five names on
    a strip of paper and gluing or taping over the existing
    names on this sheet.
    3. Photocopy or print two hundred or more copies of
    this letter which has your name now in the number
    five position.
    4. Obtain a list of two hundred or more names of
    opportunity seekers from a mailing list company.
    5. While waiting for your mailing list to arrive, place
    your copies in envelopes and stamp and seal them. Do
    not put your return address on the envelopes (this will
    pique the curiosity of the receiver!).
    6. When your mailing list arrives, place one of the
    gummed address labels on each of your envelopes and
    drop them in the mail box.

Within sixty days you will receive your $50,000 in cash,
guaranteed! Keep a copy of this letter for yourself so that you
can use it again whenever you need funds. Go for it!

Note: As soon as you mail out these letters you are
automatically in the mail order business, and people are sending
you $1.00 to be placed on your mailing list. This is a service
and is perfectly legal (refer to title 18, Sec. 1302 & 1,341 of the
U.S. postal and lottery laws).

Page two of the letter:

    Now, here's the interesting part!
    At a 7.5 percent response (which is very
    conservative):

    1. When you send out 200 letters, 15 people will send
    you $15.00.
    2. Those 15 will mail out 200 letters, of which 225
    will send you $1.00, which equals $225.00.
    3. Those 225 send out 200 letters, of which 3,375
    will send you $1.00, equalling $3,375.00.
    4. Those 3,375 send out 200 letters, so 50,625 will
    send you $1.00, totaling $50,625.00.

    Sorry folks, that is as far as it goes, but you will
    receive:

$15.00
$225.00
$3,375.00
$50,625.00
$54,240.00

Letters written by participants in the program:

To whom it may concern:
About six months ago I received the enclosed letter. I
ignored it. I received about five more of the same letters
within the next few months. I threw them away too. I was
tempted to follow through and make my quick thousands
but I was convinced it was just a hoax and it could not
possibly work. I was dead wrong! About three weeks later
I decided to go ahead and give it a try. I didn't expect much
because I figured if other people were as skeptical as I
was, they wouldn't be too quick to respond. Two weeks
went by and I didn't receive any money. Third week, still
nothing. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't
believe what was happening! Within a few weeks, I had
collected in excess of $32,000 in cash! For the first time in
years I was debt-free. It didn't take me long to dry up that
bundle so I am using this excellent money-making
opportunity once again. Follow the instructions and get
ready to enjoy!
C.R. Croft

Another letter:

I tried a similar program in which the cost was $5.00. In
that one, the return was about 3 percent. The first time I
sent letters with this approach, I got my first response in
just one week! I sent out 500 letters instead of only 200
letters, so my responses were much higher and faster than
my first attempt. I am trying again with 1000 letters this
time to see if I surpass the $108,000.00. I collected last
time. Good luck to all of you. It really has and will
continue to work for you, just as it worked for me!
S. Ingram

Another letter:

I am a skeptical person by nature. I had received at least
thirty-five different letters like this one in a six-month
period. However, there was something about this
particular letter that I liked. The initial investment was a
great deal less than any of the other letters I had received
before and I also liked the fact that all participants
received money, not just the one in the top position.
Anyway, I sent out 200 of these letters and hoped for the
best. Every day I checked my mail hoping for a response.
Nothing happened for eleven days. On day twelve I started
to get a response. On that day I received $137.00 in the
mail I couldn't wait until the next day's mail. On day
thirteen I received $909.00!! Over the next four and a half
months I received $131,879 in the mail!!! Now that the
letter I sent out seems to have run dry, I am going to try it
again. I think I'll send out 1,000 letters this time. I hope I
don't sound too greedy, but now that I have all this money, I
want more.
J. O'Neil

Another note...
Been enjoying myself with all the bucks. This is the third
time I have used this program. Funny, it keeps getting better
each time around!
P. Thorp




                      39
        Landscaping With Plants
          From Business Areas

Another way of avoiding paying for landscaping is to dig
up plants from business areas. Many office complexes have
attractive landscaping outside and in their parking lots.
Often the plants, shrubs, and small trees are small enough
that they can easily be dug up. I used to go to office parks
at night and dig up greenery. Now, I hire workers to do it
for me. One benefit of taking plants from office parks is
that they are full-grown as opposed to the small, young
plants available at a nursery. This is the cheapest way to
landscape, but Of course, the risks are obvious. I got the
idea from a man who has a landscaping company. This is
how he cuts costs.

40
       How to Find Stolen Goods
           on the Black Market

We all know that there are black markets for anything that
is smuggled or stolen. The question is, where does one go
to purchase these black market items? The answer is: a
city. Most big cities have an area known as "the shady side
of town." it is the area that everyone is told to avoid if
possible. This is also the area of any city to go to if you
want to buy "hot" items such as electronics, jewelry, or car
parts. Of course, stolen goods cannot be advertised in
papers for obvious reasons, so these black markets are
advertised through word-of-mouth.

I always look for seedy-looking characters on the street, or
I try small businesses such as pawnshops and other
one-owner stores. I never directly say that I am looking to
buy stolen goods, but I imply it and try to evaluate the
reactions of the individual I am asking. More often than not
I come to a dead end, but it usually does not take me more
than an hour or two to locate someone who can find what I
want or knows someone who can. Note: Do not dress to
"fit in" because you will look like an undercover cop. Be
yourself when looking for black market goods, or the
people you deal with will not trust or help you. Prices for
stolen goods vary greatly but at least they are better than
retail ... and there is no tax! Do not forget that there is
always room to bargain on the black market.


41
        Free Refills on Perfumes
               and Cosmetics

A girl I know ran out of an expensive perfume and bought
another bottle on her parents' credit card. Her parents told
her to return it and not to waste their money on such items.
I went with her to return it, and this is what we did: She put
the near-empty bottle of perfume in the box from the new
bottle. We went to the department store where she bought
the perfume and we returned it. She told the saleswoman
that the perfume gave her an allergic skin reaction. The
saleslady recredited her credit card and she got to keep the
new bottle.


42
             All Green Lights

Most modern traffic stoplights are fitted with sensors that
detect flashing lights. They are designed to clear the way
for emergency vehicles (ambulances, fire trucks, etc.).
When a stoplight senses flashing lights, it interrupts its
normal changing pattern and sends a red light in all
directions but the one from which the emergency vehicle is
approaching. If you flash your brights several times at one
of these signals, the flashing-light detector in the stoplight
will react, giving you a green light. Of course, not all lights
are equipped with this sensor, but the many that are make
driving much faster.





                      43
             Removing Locks

Here are a couple of methods of removing locks when you
"lose your keys."

Many locks can be shattered by freezing them so cold that
the metal becomes brittle. Freon and liquid nitrogen are
both good for freezing locks. After a lock is frozen, it can
usually be shattered by breaking it with a hammer.

Another method works well for U-locks used on bikes.
Place a car jack in the middle of the U in the U-lock and
jack it open. The metal will bend and then break.


44
               How to Get a
          Handicapped Parking
                   License

Do you hate to park miles from your destination? The
solution is to have a disabled parking license. While you
can steal one, the fine is hefty if you get caught with it. On
the other hand, getting a legitimate handicapped license is
not very difficult. All you need in most states is a letter
from a medical doctor stating that you are handicapped in
such a way that your mobility is impaired. Many handicaps
are not openly visible. These are difficulties such as back
problems (slipped disk or pinched nerve), or internal
problems (like weak lungs or heart). just go to your doctor
and tell him or her that you have the symptoms for such a
handicap. Ask for a letter stating that you are handicapped
and have the doctor fill out any necessary forms. Then
register with the Department of Motor Vehicles, and you
will be sent a legitimate license plate for the handicapped.


45
       The Concept of Payoffs in
                   General

It is a fact that payoffs happen every day in our society. In
cases where it's possible, one should attempt to cut an
under-the-table deal. In most cases, the payoffs will be
small, on-the-side arrangements. For example, a man from
the telephone company came to install a phone line. I was
already paying forty dollars to have the line connected at
my home. To have an extra jack installed in my office,
however, would cost an additional ninety dollars. When
the man from the phone company came, I offered him
twenty dollars in cash to run the line into my office.

Having all the necessary tools, he did it and left with
twenty dollars in his pocket. The phone company was none
the wiser, and it took him just an extra five minutes. This
was just a minor payoff, but it is an example of how simple
the concept of payoffs can be. Three out of four times you
will find that people will make a deal with you if there is
something in it for them.


46
              Changing Your
              Fingerprints for
         Identification Purposes

If you ever need to have your fingerprints taken (for false
identification or other records which you do not want
traced to you), you can change your fingerprints. This is
done by coating your fingers and thumbs with a thin layer
of rubber cement. You then allow this to dry. Before the
rubber cement has dried completely, press your fingers and
thumbs firmly onto the palms of the opposite hand so that
the skin pattern from the palm of your hand is imprinted on
the rubber cement on your fingers/thumbs. Thus, your new
fingerprints are actually backwards prints of the palms of
your hands.


47
              Degrees for Life
                 Experience

If you have ever wished you had a degree, but couldn't be
bothered to go to school to earn one, there is a solution. In
the back of many magazines (usually business-oriented
publications) there are advertisements for small
correspondence colleges that give credits for "life
experience." They usually offer a number of degree areas
and if you cannot find one that suits you, they allow you to
create your own. You actually mail in all of your work
experience and degree requirements and they send you a
degree. Of course, most of these mail-in colleges are not
certified by the Department of Education, so they are not
recognized as valid, but once again, who really checks up
on this?

There is a way of getting around the problem of having a
degree that is not recognized by the United States
Department of Education: Some of the degrees are from
correspondence universities outside the United States. If
you obtain a degree from a university in another country, it
still may not conform to U.S. degree requirements, but it is
a degree on paper which might help you get a job. These
colleges offer anything from a B.A. to an M.A.--and even a
Ph.D! I am currently working on my dissertation for a Ph.D
from a small college in England with a snotty name.
Imagine... a doctorate in Bull...


48
         Discounted Department
               Store Clothing

If you aren't daring enough to blatantly rip off department
stores, here is a way for you to at least get a good discount:
I learned this from a friend's mother who was always
exquisitely dressed. She shops in the finest stores, finds
what she wants and then, when she is in the changing room,
she damages the clothing in some way that is hardly
noticeable (e.g. unstitching or a discreet pen streak), yet
leaves the garment undeniably flawed. Then she proceeds
to purchase the garment, but she points out the defect to the
salesperson before purchasing it. She asks for the garment's
price to be reduced because of the flaw, and in almost
every case she gets a very impressive discount with a
manager's approval.



49
        Warranties on Electronics

Take any piece of electronic equipment that is under
warranty and make sure that a malfunction occurs (due to
"product failure") just before the warranty ends so that the
company has to replace the equipment. The best way of
doing this with electronics is to plug them in and turn them
on in a sauna-like environment, such as next to a hot
shower, or a humidifier. The moisture seeps through into
every crevice of the equipment and takes only a few hours
to fry all the circuits inside. Then you give the electronic
equipment a few days to dry out so that no traces of
moisture are apparent. Finally you call the manufacturer of
the electronic equipment and make your warranty claim. In
most cases the manufacturer will replace the equipment
with a new product, which has a new warranty.

I figured this out when a newer, more powerful model of
my laptop computer came on the market, making the one I
had obsolete. The beauty of this scam is that manufacturers
will usually replace faulty equipment with their most
current equivalent of that particular product. Thus, you
maintain the most up-to-date electronics without paying for
constant upgrades.


50
        Catalog Merchandise for
                    Keeps

The problem with using "borrowed" credit card numbers
for catalog purchases is obvious; having anything delivered
to a residence makes it pretty easy for the authorities to
find you. There is a simple way around this. For catalog
orders, you only need a credit card number, expiration
date, and the cardholder's name to place an order, rather
than the actual card. Credit card numbers are available to
anyone who works in a retail store, restaurant, etc. Be
careful not to take more than one or two numbers from one
particular establishment because investigators will see this
as a pattern and might investigate the people working there.

Once you have the numbers, you need to locate an
uninhabited house/condo/office so that you have an address
where merchandise can be delivered. The best places are
out of the way of nosy neighbors, etc. Use discretion. Then,
once you have located a delivery site, start ordering. In
placing orders, you use the card number, its expiration
date, and the name of the card holder as your own. Then of
course, you give the address of the residence/office
chosen. You may use the name on the card or have the
package addressed to another name as a gift. Next, request
overnight delivery on all of the merchandise so that you
know exactly what day it will be delivered. Finally, set up
a patio chair on the site chosen and pretend to be reading,
or catching some sun or whatever else you can do at the
site without having to go inside. Hang out for the day and
sign for deliveries as they arrive. At the end of the day,
throw everything in the car trunk and take off. The bank
writes it off as a loss and collects insurance.


Do you have a favorite scam to take advantage of the
system? If you do... send it to the attention of Citadel Press
at 120 Enterprise Avenue, Secaucus, New Jersey 07094.

No compensation is involved but you might inspire a new
version of this book.