Loving Hart

by Ella Fox

ISBN: 9781301534357

Copyright ELLA FOX 2012

Published at SMASHWORDS

Copyright Ella Fox 2012

This Ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This Ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Amazon to purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Ella Fox holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.

Dedication:

Once again, this book is dedicated to my amazing readers.  You've been incredible, and everything I write, I write for you.

*Important Note about Loving Hart*

There was a lot of debate about how to construct chapter one.  I chose to start the narrative when the twins were introduced into Spencer's life.  I wrote, re-wrote and then re-wrote the chapter again, but in the end, I went with what my original idea was.  While Spencer might seem to be very self aware for such a young child, I assure you all that children are VERY smart, especially when they are in regular physical danger.  The Hart/Cross children would not have been treated like "normal" children, and their maturity reflects that.

Chapter One: Spencer

The two tiny babies make me real nervous.  I've never seen anything smaller.  Dante keeps tellin’ me that I won't break one if I pick it up, but for now, I'm keepin’ my distance. I'm four, and I don't know a thing about babies.  Damien doesn't either, but he picks them up and holds them all the time. "I love my babies," he tells me.  I like them ‘cause he does, but I can't pick one up ‘cause I'm too scared. Just thinkin’ about droppin’ one, and how upset Dante and Damien would be, makes me feel sick.

Can't help but stare at them though.  They might be tiny, but they are cute for babies.  Damien’s always kissin’ and huggin’ them, tryin’ to make me see what he sees.  When he picks them up he always says, “I love my pretty little lady bugs.” Don’t know why he calls them that, but he thinks it’s funny. Never saw Damien love somethin’ so much before.  Always smilin’ at them and makin’ funny noises.

Dante watches over them like he’s GI Joe.  He says they deserve better than this kind of life.  Don't know what that means for sure, but I think I get it, ‘cause their parents never hold or even touch them.  If I was one of the babies I wouldn't want them touchin’ me anyway.  I think the babies agree with me, ' cause whenever their parents are in the room they cry and scream.  It makes Mr. Hart real mad, and he’ll start screaming back at them, right in their faces.  It’s scary.  Mrs. Hart ain’t no better ‘cause she don’t just scream, she hits.  When they cry, she spanks their diapers, which makes them cry even more. Dante and Damien are always havin’ to jump in front and try and get her to hit them instead. It’s crazy that they have to beg their mom to hit them instead of the babies. The babies are way too small to be gettin' hit, so Dante says we got to always keep an eye out for when the Hart's are comin’ so we can take the kids away, because otherwise they could really hurt them.

For a while, I thought the babies weren't real, because Mr. and Mrs. Hart said they were born, but they didn't come home for a long time. Now everything's changed, and when Damien and I come home from Pre-Kindergarten, he runs into the house to start taking care of them.  He and Dante say we got to take care of these babies and make sure they're okay, so I'm tryin’ to help.  The babies got what Dante says is a nanny, but she don't stay longer than when we get home from school and she don't speak English.  Dante says it's the same lady that took care of Damien when he was born, and that she's okay.

I spent a few days not knowing which one was which, but I finally figured out a way to tell the difference between the two of them.  Dominique is all squirmy, and Delilah is quieter.  Never saw two people look the same but be so different.  Dante says Delilah really likes me because when I sit with them on the floor, she lays all quiet and stares at me while she holds my finger. For someone so tiny, she's real strong.  Sometimes I have to fight to get my finger away cause she holds it so tight, and she cries like crazy every time I walk away.  Dante says that's ‘cause she wants me to pick her up and hold her.  "You see that Spence? She trusts you already.  You can pick her up bud."

When Mr. Hart overheard Dante saying that , he laughed.  "Don't care if you drop one.  They're ugly. Nothing you do could make them uglier. Hell, all of you are dirt dumb and ugly. Fuckin’ kids."

I keep dreaming about that, about what he said, and the way he said it, over and over.  I bet that's what my dad said when I was just little.  Doesn't make sense why our parents had kids when they don't even like us.

***

We kept tryin’ and tryin’, but Delilah was so sick and had what Dante said was a "real bad fever", and nothing we did was makin’ it go away.  Dante went and got his mother and then later his father, beggin’ them to call a doctor, to do anything to help her, but they just yelled at him and told him to stop being a baby.

I never saw Dante that scared before, and it made me and Damien real scared too.  Dante was tryin’ to hold it in I think, but when he put Delilah in the tub to try and bring her fever down, I saw him cryin’.  Never saw him cry before, not ever.

Delilah was so quiet it was weird.  Dante said that's 'cause she was so "out of it."

The more time that went by, the worse it was gettin'.  Damien asked Dante if one of our babies was gonna die, so I knew he was real scared too.  I was so sick I thought I was going to die.  Don’t know what I’d do if something happened to one of the girls, especially Delilah.  She’s my favorite, always starin’ at me and holdin’ my hand.

Her breathing sounded real weird, real loud.  Poor Dominique curled up next to her cryin’ real quiet, and Dante said that wasn't a good "sign."

When Delilah started coughin’ and fightin’ to get a breath, Dante stood up and ran from the room.  Damien and I were scared and confused, and then there were sirens in the driveway, and two men and a nice lady came in all dressed in uniforms with a rolling bed.  They took Delilah away, said they thought she had somethin’ called pneumonia.  Dante had to look that word up to see what it meant.  Mrs. Hart asked if they could just take Dominique without her, but they said she had to go.  She was mad and she went, but the look she gave Dante was not good.

The next morning when Dante came into the back yard, he was walkin’ funny.  Damien made him show us why, so Dante took off his shirt and shorts.  Mr. and Mrs. Hart woke him up and beat him with a belt in the middle of the night for calling for help for Delilah.

Delilah was in the hospital for two weeks.  Poor Dominique cried every day, wantin’ her sister so bad.   Dante was so upset that she was that sick, and no one would take us to see her.  I missed that little girl like crazy too, and I promised myself that I’d never let anything happen to the girls ever again.

When she came home she was asleep, and Dante held her for a long, long time, quietly cryin’ while Dominique was curled up against them both.  It felt so good when Delilah finally opened her big blue eyes, reaching out one hand to me and one hand to Damien. Neither of us could help that we cried, too.

***

All of our parents are in the house having one of their parties.  These parties are the worst, and I just want to puke.  Last week, at another one of the parties, some old lady started touching Dante, and he got real scared. Damien started yelling and crying, and then Mr. Hart came outside and beat Dante so bad that there was blood everywhere.  I wish the parties would stop, that someone would make our parents act normal. I wish that my father wasn't a monster, and that my mom was like the moms of the other kids at school.  Timmy's mom brings in cupcakes for us, and Danny's mom reads us stories, but I never even seen any of me and the Hart kids parents at our school.  Not even sure they would know how to get there.

I wish a lot that they would all just disappear and leave us alone. Damien says he thinks that every day.  Dante don't say much, just always tryin’ to keep us all safe.  Damien and I try to copy everything Dante does cause he's bigger and smarter.

Both the girls started talking right around the same time, and their first word was dada.  Normal kids would be sayin’ that to their grown up dads, but the twins called Dante that for a while. He’s more of a dad to them than Mr. Hart is that’s for sure.  Dante’s got even more serious about the girls since the day Delilah went to the hospital, and we catch him checkin’ up on them all the time.  Always needs to know they’re okay.  Damien and I aren’t much better, always lookin’ at them and makin’ sure they’re safe.

They are healthy and happy, and Damien says we’re gonna keep them that way, no matter what.  They’re smart, too.  We got paper and crayons and wrote the alphabet out for them, and now they know almost all their ABCs.  They're gettin' better at talkin’ now, and they call Dante "Tay", Damien "Dame" and me "Pence."  Funny girls, always smilin’.

Even on nights like this, when we’re packed together in a shed, the girls are just happy to be with us.  Damien and I are real good at making beds out of lawn chair cushions, but the girls are a lot of work to get down. Neither of them will even lie down until Dante hugs and kisses them and tells them they can sleep tight. It’s like they don’t believe they can unless he says it.  Dominique has to have ‘Goodnight Moon’ read to her exactly four times in a row, and only Damien is allowed to read it to her.

On nights when we all have to sleep in the shed, Delilah does what she's done ever since the first day I met her.  She holds my hand and just quietly stares at me until she falls asleep.  If I try to move, she flips out, so I've learned to stay real still.  Weird having her stare at me, like she sees something no one else does.  Dante says she loves me, that both of the girls love me.  I don't think I ever had no one love me but my grandmother, and she died.

I think both of the twins love me almost as much as they love their brothers.  I love buildin’ stuff with Dominique, so I play with her a lot.  We make buildings out of sticks and mud, and stuff we find in the yard. Now whenever she sees me she says, “build Pence!”

Delilah just likes to be cuddled and held.  She's always with me, holdin’ my hand. Follows me wherever I go, always needs to know where I am.  Dante says on nights that I sleep at home she cries and calls my name.

I'd never admit it to Damien or Dante, but I feel better when she's holding my hand. Like someone understands me, even though I know that's silly. She's just little.  Hope she doesn't really understand what's goin’ on around here. This is no place for kids.

***

Mrs. Hart killed herself.  She wasn’t a happy lady, but I didn’t think she’d do something like that; not that I can say I’m sad about it.  She hit the girls all the time, and at least with her gone they won’t have bruises on them anymore.

All us kids were huddled up in the shed ‘cause Mr. Hart was havin’ a party.  He didn’t have no funeral for her or nothin’.  Just announced that she “killed her own slutty ass,” and that was that.  It’s only been five days and it seems so wrong that Mr. Hart’s havin’ a party already.  There were naked people all over the house doin’ drugs, and it was just gross.

After we got the twins to sleep, we sat talkin’.  Dante and Damien have both been real weird this whole week, only acting normal if the girls are awake and paying attention.

I kept askin’ why, and they kept not tellin’ me; told me they’d show me someday soon. Saddest thing I ever saw was Dante and Damien both tryin’ not to cry as they held two pieces of paper out to me.  I thought they were cryin’ cause they missed her, that they were sad ‘cause she was gone.  Once I read the letters she left them, I knew they were sad ‘cause their mom left such mean letters to them, tellin’ them to kill themselves, too.

I got scared, and begged them to promise me they would never do that, never leave me and the girls alone.  Dante hugged me tight, told me not to be scared.  “I would never leave you guys, Spence.  But these letters… I’m never getting a girlfriend, never going to love no one but you guys. Already have the girls, so I don’t need any kids.”

Damien nodded his head, agreeing with what Dante said.  “Me either.  I don’t want no one killin’ themselves ‘cause I’m bad to love.  Never gonna have kids either.”

I threw right down with them.  “Then me either.  None of us will ever get married or have kids.”

***

“Count to fifty, and no peekin’ Spence!”

I love Delilah’s silly laugh.  Love that no matter where she hides, I always know exactly where she is.  Every game of hide and seek we’ve ever played, I’ve always known.  It drives her nuts, so sometimes I pretend I don’t know exactly where she is just to make her feel like she’s got a shot at stumping me.

It’s not like her hiding places are bad.  They’ve gotten better and better over the years.  But I always know where she is.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been able to feel it when she’s around.  Damien says we’ve got some weird radar for each other, because she always knows where I am too.

Dominique is always harder to find.  I can spend twenty minutes searching for her and never find her.  The worst part is, she’ll hide in the most obvious places, but I’ll still miss her.  Delilah’s my secret weapon with that, and when I’m ready to quit, she’ll show me where Dominique’s hiding spot is.

I heard when Delilah left the room to go hide, and I knew she’d gone outside.  As usual, I’ve got no clue where Dominique is.  In order to make Delilah feel like she’s possibly getting one over on me, I look for Dominique first.  After five minutes, I’ve got no clue.  Heading into the back yard, I stand still for a second before turning and walking to the bushes that line the side of the yard.  She’s good, and she’s blended in pretty well, but I know she’s there.

Reaching into the bushes, I tag her. “Gotcha!”

Her squeals and giggles ring through the yard as she flies out of the bushes, blonde hair flying in front of her face as she jumped up onto my back for a piggyback ride.

“How do you always know where I am?  When I played with Dante and Damien yesterday it took them forever to find me back there.”

I answered the way I always have.  “How do you always know where Dominique and I are?”

“’Cause I can feel it silly,” she said with a giggle.

“Well, that’s how I know where you are too. Wish that worked with Dominique! I can’t find that crazy girl anywhere.”

She laughs like she always does and then stopped to think. Pinching my arm she said, “Dominique’s in the kitchen.  Hiding in the cupboard with all the pots, I think.”

Of course, she was right, and Dominique was just where Delilah said she would be.

"Aww, you told him Delilah! No fair. You're always tellin’ him where I am! Spence is always going to be a bad seeker if you don't let him find me himself."

As usual, Delilah jumped to my defense.  "He's not a bad seeker Dominique. You’re just a real good hider. Best in the world, cause he can never find you, but he finds me every time.”

Sticking out her tongue at her sister, Dominique laughed. "He doesn't find you ‘cause he's a good seeker.  He find's you ‘cause you guys can read each other's minds or something.  Either that or he's magic."

Delilah just laughed as she grabbed Dominique and started tickling her.  Just that quickly, Dominique's frustration at being found was gone, and the sound of happy giggles filled the air.

Most times, playing with the Hart kids is the only happy I get all day.  I wish I felt as safe and as happy as I do with the Hart kids all the time.

***

Feels like I've been scared my entire life.  I'm only ever okay when I'm with the Hart’s.  Wish we could all run away together, but the girls are too young, and I couldn’t ever leave them behind.  Seems stupid, but I feel better when they're around, especially Delilah.

I don't remember the first time my dad touched me, so I guess it's always been this way.  I hate this part of my life.  I hate how his hands and his mouth and his thing are constantly there.  Hate that my mother pretends it's normal, tells me boys will be boys and that my dad needs to assert his dominance, whatever that means. I hate that I'm too weak to tell Dante or Damien, but my father made sure that I never would.  "You open that yap of yours, and I'll hurt one of those little ugly troll Hart twins you like to protect so much, you little shit."

I want to grow up, want to get out.  I want to leave every day, but I can't.  I can't leave my friends, because they're the only people that love me.  Can't leave Delilah because I think she'd lose it if I went away.  She always knows when I’m thinking about running away, or when things are real bad for me, even though I could never tell her that.

Always she soothes me by grabbing my hand in hers and saying, “I love you more than anything Spence.  I'd die without you here.  You’ll never ever leave me, right Spence?”

My answer never changes.  “No silly. Love you best, always going to need my other half.”

She's made me promise her dozens of times that I'll stay, and I won't go back on my promises to Delilah, not ever.

I can't wait to be older and stronger though, can’t wait until I’m big enough to defend us all. Someday I'll be out of here, away from my dad.  Hate him more than anything in the world.  Pray every night that he will either leave or die, but he's still here.

I guess I should count myself as lucky that most nights I get to spend the night at the Harts’ since my mother and father have some weird sexual relationship with Mr. Hart.  It's disgusting, but it's better for me to be at the Harts’ than at home.  When I'm home, he comes for me.  My mother insists that it's no big deal.  "It's not like he's raping you, Spencer. Your father isn't doing anything bad.  He just wants to touch you, let you know he's the boss.  Instead of acting like there's something wrong, why don't you cooperate?  Make all of our lives easier."

Sometimes, I look at the two of them and wonder how they can be my parents.  When I was younger, I used to dream that two great people would suddenly knock at the door and explain that they were my real parents, and tell me that I was stolen from them.  I stopped having that fantasy when my mother showed me a picture of her when she was pregnant with me. I wasn't stolen, Marceline and Hank are my real parents, and my father is a piece-of-shit molester.  The only part of my life that makes me happy is the Hart kids, but it's beyond wrong that we're a bunch of kids raising ourselves.

If I didn't have Delilah to keep me on track, I'd probably be doing some pretty bad stuff right now.  Sometimes, when she's holding my hand and staring at me, I wonder if she knows what he does to me, if she can see or feel it somehow.  Scary the way she knows when I need silence.  Always knows when I need a hug. I always feel better when I'm holding her little hand.  It’s a feeling like nothing bad will happen if we’ve got each other.

***

I'm glad that Mr. and Mrs. Hart are both gone, and I don't feel bad for feeling that way.  They were both assholes, and they were awful to be around.  Mr. Hart, or "Big Mike" as he insisted everyone call him, was a real dick.  He was always drugged out and mean, and crazy angry.

I didn't trust him, and I hated the shady look that he would get when he looked at Dominique and Delilah in the last year. I knew that look all too well because I've been on the receiving end of it from my own father for as long as I can remember.

"Not so ugly anymore," Mr. Hart would slur when he looked at them. I knew he was a time bomb waiting to go off.

Damien and Dante hated that look too.  They knew what it meant, even though I don't think their dad had ever touched either one of them.  We made a pact that he would have to get through us first, and we knew that meant we'd probably have to kill him if he tried.

Each night for over a year, two of us at a time took turns sleeping on the floor in the twins’ room.  We'd keep the door locked, with a dresser in front of it, and we always slept with knives with us for protection.  As long as we were alive, there was no way he was going to touch them.

When he overdosed, my first feeling was one of relief.  The girls are safe with him gone.

***

Now that Mrs. Hart's younger sister, Sandra Thomas, is taking care of the Hart kids, things are much better. She's normal, not like how all our parents were. She insists that I call her Aunt Sandra, just like the boys do.  It's weird that someone finally cares about all of us, tells us that she loves us.   Cares about what we do every day, and asks questions.

She's a great lady, and she listens to what the kids say.  Dante asked her to sell the house they grew up in, and she did.  I was scared that they were going to move away, but all the kids begged her to stay in this area, so she did.

Delilah smacked me when I said I was scared they were going to move away.  "No one's taking us away from you Spence, not ever. You know I couldn't live without you."

My dad hasn't been able to touch me for a few years, because last year, when I turned thirteen, I started working out every day, getting ready to defend myself.  The last time he came into my room, I attacked him, beating him so hard I hoped he'd die. He didn't, but I got my point across. He's scared of me now, and I like that.  Someday… someday I'll be even bigger than I am now, and I'm going to destroy him.

Dante talked to Aunt Sandra, and told her that he wanted me to move in with them. She came to me and told me she would love it if I could move in with the Harts, and I packed up my shit so fast you'd have thought there was a fire.

Before I left, I corned my father in his office.  "Not so big now are you Hank? I'm out of here you pathetic piece of shit.  Two things; One, you write Sandra Thomas a big check so that she can take care of me.  Two, you stay away from me and anyone with the last name Hart or Thomas.  I will make you pay in ways you don't want to imagine if you cross me. You don't want to give me a reason to blow that miserable excuse for a penis off, because I will do it.  I'm not afraid of you anymore asshole.  Do you understand me?"

I knew I had gotten my point across when he nodded and wrote a two hundred thousand dollar check to Sandra, his hands shaking the entire time.  I'm not sure my mother even noticed I left.

For the first time in my life, I was safe.  I even had my own room. It probably sucks for a twenty-seven year old woman to have five kids in the house, three of them being teenage boys, but she says she loves it.  I can tell she feels awful about how we all lived before.

She's busy working, saving the company Dante says, but Aunt Sandra still finds time to cook real food, and she makes us all eat dinner as a family every night.  We aren't allowed to leave the table until everyone is finished, and we have to use our best table manners.  It's a lot different than what it was like when the Harts were alive, and that’s a good thing. I remember when we were little that I wanted something normal like this.  I'm glad we all finally have it.

I've noticed a big difference with the girls. They love Sandra, and she loves them.  It's nice, and she's sure as hell a better parent than either of the Harts ever was.  She volunteers for all their school parties, and says the girls can have friends over anytime they want.  The girls have taken to calling her Mama San.  The first time that Dominique said it to her, she burst into tears.  It was then that I knew that she really loved us all, and that she wanted to be here.  Damien got choked up and had to leave the room.  I asked him later what that was all about and he said, "Come on, man.  They were raised by three boys.  I always wished they had a mom that cared about them."

Even with Mr. and Mrs. Hart gone, some old routines have stayed the same.  Every night at bedtime, me, Damien and Dante sit with the girls and talk about life.  I sit between Dominique and Delilah's beds and hold Delilah's hand until she falls asleep, just like always.

As happy as I am to have a safe place to live, I'm angry a lot of the time lately.  I still wake up in the middle of the night when I hear noises, panicking because I think my dad is coming into the room.  I hate the memories that are in my head.

When I have nightmares, it's always Delilah that wakes me up, always her that brings me back to reality.  She says I don't cry out, but that she can "feel" that something is wrong, so she knows to wake me up.  She'll sit on the floor next to my bed, and hold my hand until I'm calm.

She always says, "You're going to be okay Spence.  I love you more than anything."

I love her best of all, too.

Sometimes, it feels like the only thing that really calms me down is the feeling of Delilah's hand in mine.  She needs me to be strong for her, to be a good influence, and I think about that anytime I'm about to explode.

***

Now that they're fourteen, Delilah and Dominique want to go out all the time.  Dominique has morphed into the calmer of the two, while Delilah has become a social butterfly.  Dante moved out when he went to college, even though he didn't want to.  Aunt Sandra insisted, telling him that he needed to allow himself to enjoy the experience instead of worrying about the twins all the time.  "You grew up too fast, Dante," she told him.  "It's time for you to think about yourself sweetheart.  They're safe.  You're all safe.  You can do this."  In the end he agreed to go, even though he was a nervous wreck about it.  He might be gone, but he's here every weekend for dinner, and he calls the girls every day to check on them. Damien says we'll probably have an easier time leaving, but that it will still be hard.  To be honest, it scares the shit out of me.  This is the first home I've ever had.

Damien and I are in our senior year in high school, and the girls are in their freshman year.  It's the first time we've all been in school together in years, and we all thought it would be a good thing, but Delilah has been brutal about the girls Damien and I hang around with.  I don't know why, because no one either of us have sex with is a big deal.  It's not like we bring them home or anything.  They're just girls.

Every night, when it's time for the Delilah and Dominique to be home for curfew, Damien and I pick them up and bring them home.  We stopped sitting in their room and staying until they fell asleep a few years ago, and although I’d never admit it to anyone, I miss that routine.

Delilah still comes in and sits on the floor next to my bed when I have nightmares, still holds my hand until I get my shit back together.  And she always tells me that she loves me more than anything.

As much as I love Dante, Damien and Dominique, Delilah is different.  She's the one person in the world I feel most like myself with.  Don't know why that is, but that's how I feel.

***

The girls have suddenly morphed into young ladies, and to me it seems like it happened overnight.  They're both driving now, and each has a job of her own. Delilah’s working at a daycare center in the baby room, and Dominique’s working at a bookstore.

I've really tried to be supportive of them growing up and spreading their wings, but sometimes it doesn’t work out so well.  When Delilah had her first date, I showed up at the movie theater and sat right behind them like a bodyguard.  That little punk knew better than to touch her, which was a relief.

When both girls failed to turn up for curfew one night a few months ago, Aunt Sandra called me and told me to find Damien and get home to help her find them.  "I need to know where they are, Spence! What if they were in a car with a drunk driver? Come home!"  Damien had been indisposed because the two of us were at a party. As soon as I walked into the bedroom he was in and told him there was an emergency, he jumped off the girl he was with, and the two of us hauled ass to get home.

Damien and I spent almost two hours searching for the girls before finally locating them at a party a few miles from home, hanging out with friends that neither of us approved of.  They were drunk as hell when we found them, and once we got them home, I spent the night holding Delilah's hand and rubbing her back while she prayed to the porcelain god.  Damien held down the fort in Dominique's bathroom while she threw up, and Sandra walked back and forth between the two.  She hugged Damien and me a million times in thanks.  "I don't know what I'd do without you boys."

Frankly, I didn't know what we would do without her, either.  She was the one that wrote all the checks for our college applications, the one that taught us how to drive, the one that made sure we got medical care, and had clothes and food. She's the person that helped me choose my major, and it was Sandra that stood and cheered when Damien and I graduated.  My parents weren't there, and I didn't miss them.  Sandra took the responsibility for all of us, and I know that we all are thankful to her beyond anything that words can express for what she's done.  Her house is full of love and laughter, and everything centers around us all being a family.  We went from sleeping in sheds and hiding from our parents to living a normal life in a beautiful house that's overflowing with pictures of us as a family.  I've got a lot of love for Sandra, so I was pissed at the girls for stressing her out, and so was Damien.

When Dante found out about their drunken escapade, he flipped his lid.  They're just lucky that he was in Miami on business when that happened, because he probably would have hired a helicopter with a spotlight to search for them.  He's the biggest mother hen of us all.  I think the girls were scared straight by all of us being as upset as we were, and they took their punishment, two months of being grounded, without a peep.  I'd guess that they will still party, but I think we've seen the last of them disappearing and puking.

I wished that I could turn back time to before they were teenagers, back to when the girls were young and sweet and innocent, and the only thing we had to worry about was making sure they did their homework.

Those days are gone though, and that really hit home this afternoon when I showed up at Dante's new house for a Sunday family barbeque. I almost passed the fuck out when I found Delilah laying out by the pool in a royal blue bikini.  She was the absolute definition of the word hot, and my brain turned to mush.  She’s easily the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen with her long blonde hair, blue eyes, golden skin and beautiful smile.  When Delilah smiles, it feels like everything is right.  But seeing her in that suit… she wasn’t just gorgeous.  She was sexy.

I was so mortified with the direction my thoughts had taken that I dove into the pool to conceal my reaction to seeing her all but naked.  I've seen Delilah in a bathing suit at least a thousand times, but my reaction to her this time is frightening.  What was more alarming was that Dominique was wearing something far sexier, and I felt no attraction to her what so ever.

My mind went into overdrive when I realized something really alarming.  I feel absolutely no attraction to Dominique because I think of her as a sister.  I love Delilah, but I don't feel brotherly towards her at all, and now that I think about it, I never have.  I feel protective of her. I love her more than anyone in the world, and I'd take a bullet for her… but I wouldn't be doing any of that while thinking of her as a sister.  What the fuck am I going to do about that?

If Damien or Dante ever realized that I had even one sexual thought about their sister, they'd be furious with me. If they knew that I jacked off at least twice every day thinking about her, they’d kill me.  Hell, Delilah would probably kill me.  Sure, she had a crush on me when she was younger, but I don’t think she feels that way anymore.  If she knew how I felt about her now, she’d be appalled.

Chapter Two:  Delilah

My earliest memory is of holding Spencer's hand while he sang 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' to me and Dominique.  I've got little snippets of memories before that, mostly of Dominique and me looking at each other, and some of Dante and Damien holding onto to each of us in the backyard shed.  But my first specific memory that includes an auditory component is of Spencer singing that song while I stared at his shaggy blonde head.  It's not surprising that my twin sister and I are beyond close, or that Dante and Damien are my idols.  What is surprising is that of everyone in my life, I've always been the closest to Spencer.

One afternoon when I was about five, my father threw a shovel at me, leaving a gash in my leg. I'd needed to go to the hospital, but they couldn't get me off the lawn because I was screaming and holding onto a fencepost. All I could see was the blood, and I thought I was going to die.  I screamed for Spencer over and over, terrified I'd die and never see him again.  I remember Damien yelling at Dante to find Spencer so that I'd calm down, and later sitting in the emergency room getting my ten stitches while Spencer held my hand.  Once I had his hand in mine, I didn't shed another tear.  I just stared into his blue eyes and knew that, no matter what happened, I would be fine.  I feel safe with my brothers, I adore my sister, but with Spencer, I'm complete.

As far back as I can remember, whenever I've been upset or in need of comfort, Spencer was the person that had to be on hand in order to keep me calm.  I love my brothers and my sister more than I can possibly explain, but I've always needed to have Spencer with me in order for everything to feel right.

Our relationship is my anchor, my shelter in the storm.  I've always told him that I love him more than anything, and that I always will, and he's always said the same to me and told me he loves me best.  I believe in fate because Spencer is in my life.  He's saved me more times than he knows, just by being there.

It was hard to grow up with two people who hated children, so Spencer and my brothers were my rocks.  I don’t remember my mother very well, just real vague images of a pretty woman who didn't like me. Dante and Damien tell me it's a blessing that I don't remember her clearly, and I believe them.  The way the two of them react when she's mentioned breaks my heart.  She hurt them, and I hate her for that.

My father I remember, all too clearly.  He hated us all, and he got off on telling all of us that we were stupid and ugly.  I learned early to avoid him at all costs, and to ignore as much of what he said as possible.

It was strange not to have parents that cared; to know that we didn’t love them, and that they didn't love us.  All of the love that I got when we were living with our parents came from my sister, my brothers and Spencer.  Without them, I'd be all kinds of fucked up. Spencer was always the person guaranteed to calm me down, to pull me out of a funk, to make me laugh, to get me to study, to make me look on the bright side. It breaks my heart that he's always able to look on the bright side for me, but not always able to do so for himself.

Dominique adores Spencer, but to her, he's another brother.  I don't feel like that toward him at all, and I never have.  Dominique has slipped a million times and introduced Spencer as her brother, but I’ve never even done it once.  He isn’t my brother, he’s my destiny.  I know that we go together, that we were born to complete each other.

Our lives changed forever for the better when our dad died.  Just like how I felt, or didn't feel, towards our mother, I didn't feel any loss when our father overdosed.  If anything, I was relieved.  He was not a good man, and he scared me.

Living with Aunt Sandra and abiding by her rules is like Christmas morning every day.  Having an adult care for us is really amazing, and we all soak it up like sponges. We don’t eat junk anymore, we have safe bedrooms to sleep in, and there are no sex parties or tables full of drugs in our house.

One of the reasons I love Mama San so much is that, in addition to taking on four kids that she had never met, she took Spencer on too because we asked her to. She treats him just the same as she treats us, and she loves him just as much.  My biggest fear when she came into our lives was that she would take us away from Spencer.  I'd already started planning to run away, but luckily it didn't come to that.  Sandra is the best thing that ever happened to us, and we all love her to death.  I feel bad for her sometimes when I think about how hard her life has been.

My mother left home when she was sixteen and Mama San was ten, and they were never close.  Mama San tries to politely say that they didn't get along, that our mother was just not affectionate.  Dominique and I think that she was miserable and rude even when she was young.  Their mother died of lung cancer the year after our mother left home, and when Mama San was seventeen, her father had a heart attack, leaving Mama San all alone.  My mother never bothered to keep in touch, and she refused to accept any contact that her family tried to initiate.

When Sandra got us, she got a family too.  She'd been alone for years, putting herself through school and then starting a career.  She took a tremendous leap of faith leaving her job and moving across the country to be with us, and I love her for it.  She's changed our lives.

***

There were signs very early on that I had big feelings for Spencer.  When I'd play that MASH game with my friends as a little girl, I'd only ever be happy with the outcome if I got Spencer as a husband.  When I played wedding with my toys, Spencer was always the groom.

The year I graduated sixth grade, my teacher asked all of the kids questions for the yearbook.  The question she asked me was an easy one.  What did I want to be when I grew up?  My answer was, "Mrs. Spencer Cross."  She told my aunt, and Mama San asked me to come up with something else to say that “wouldn’t make Dante and Damien freak out.”  She’d said it laughing, but I got her point. From that, I figured out that my brothers wouldn't be happy if they knew that I wanted to marry Spencer when I grew up, so I kept it a secret from them, even though Dominique knew, and of course Mama San couldn't miss it.

“Delilah, you’re just a little girl,” she’d say, “too young to be thinking about who you’re going to marry.  Someday you’ll laugh when you think about when you had a crush on Spence.”

I’d just shake my head at her and laugh.  “Nope, someday I’ll be married to Spencer and you’ll realize I was right the whole time. Just wait and see.”

Every dream I've ever had about my future has involved Spencer.  I dream about us being married, living in a house with a dog and a bunch of children.  I know he's going to be the father of my kids, no doubt about it, and I know they're going to be awesome. I wonder if they’ll be blonde haired and blue eyed just like him and I, or if they will have dark hair like my brothers.  I hope they look like Spencer though, because he’s beautiful. We'll have the kind of house that all the kids in the neighborhood like to hang out in, and our kids will always be safe and happy with us as parents.  I already know that Spencer will be the pushover and I'll have to be the tougher parent, because he can't discipline the people he loves.  Damien and Dante always say that if it was up to Spencer, Dominique and I would get away with anything we wanted.  "Especially you Delilah," Damien says.  "He can't even pretend to get mad at you.  It's so lame!"

When Dominique and I had moved up to high school for ninth grade, and Spencer and Damien were starting their senior year, I got my first reason to be jealous.  That was the first time I really saw girls hanging on them both.  I thought the girls throwing themselves at my brother were sluts, but I loathed the girls who threw themselves at Spencer. I pouted and told him and Damien off, called their conquests sluts, and told them that they had no taste at all. I could tell that Damien knew I was just pissed about Spencer, but Spencer was genuinely shocked that I was so angry and he couldn’t figure out why.  To him, I was off limits. I hated that Spencer saw me as a gangly little girl, still in pigtails and with no boobs. I prayed every night that I’d grow up to be pretty enough that Spencer would look at me.

Mama San caught me praying one night to be pretty.  "Delilah, you're beautiful already.  If you get any prettier, sunshine's going to come out of your eyeballs.  You're wishing for something you already have."

I hoped she was right, because it sure didn't feel that way.

***

The first time that I knew, for sure, that Spencer was attracted to me too was earlier this month.  He'd started avoiding me a few months ago, and he was acting really weird.  For a few months, I thought something had changed to make him hate me, and I was broken hearted. Was I suddenly repulsive? There had never been a line between us, and suddenly, there wasn't just a line, there was a trench. Nothing had ever hurt me more than Spencer pushing me away.

Damien and Spencer came home for their winter break, and things were so awkward between us that I was beside myself.  When I'd tell him that I loved him more than anything, he looked like he was seriously uncomfortable, and he wouldn't even look at me when I'd make him tell me he loved me best.  I'd never had to make him tell me that before, and it scared me.  It was more than I could take.  He spent the majority of his time hanging out with Dominique, talking to her about his architecture classes, and playing video games with her, and it drove me nuts.  We'd always been closest, but now it was like he couldn't get far enough away from me.

One night two weeks ago, about an hour after Damien and Spencer came back from wherever they'd gone for the night, I went into Spencer's room and woke him up to ask why he hated me.  He was clearly drunk and his filters were off, so when I asked, he answered me honestly.

"I don’t hate you honey, I hate the way I feel about you, the way I think about you.  I shouldn't be thinking about you all the time, but I do.  Until I can look at you without wanting you, I need to stay away. Still love you best and I always will, but I’m no good for you.  Your brothers would kill me if they knew how I felt."

He passed right back out after he'd said that, but that was fine because I had my answer.  From that moment on, I knew I'd do whatever it took to get him to take the first step toward our future together.

He didn't seem to remember the conversation the next day, so I didn’t bring it up, but I did go and confront him about the way he was treating me.

“I love you more than anything, and you’re being awful.  You used to love me best and now you’re acting like you hate me.  If you’re trying to break my heart, you’re doing a good job.  You keep this up Spencer Cross, and I’m going to need therapy.  Is that what you want?”

From then on, he started acting more like himself again.

***

On the last day of Damien and Spencer's winter break, I decided to make a move on Spencer. I thought the plan was foolproof… or that's what I was hoping.  Thank god I’d had Dominique to keep me calm until the boys got home from wherever it is they had gone.

Rubbing my back, Dominique said, "I can't believe you're really going to go in there and ask.  You sure you're going to be able to say it?"

Nervously, I nodded my head.  "Have to at least try.  Bet you twenty bucks I get him to do it."

I'd waited for half an hour after Damien and Spencer came home before leaving my room, and now that everything was quiet, it was time. Laughing, Dominique pushed me out the door.  "That's a sucker's bet sis, because I know damn well that if you get up the guts to actually say the words, he's going to do it.  You've always had him wrapped around your little finger. He'd probably walk into traffic at rush hour if you asked him to."

I walked down the hall to his room, taking a deep breath before giving a quiet tap on his door. After I heard him say, "come in", I entered, and found him on the computer.  He looked happy to see me, which I took as a good sign.  Swallowing my nerves, I walked across the room to his bed, taking a seat right next to him.

"What's up angel?  Is everything okay?"

After giving him my biggest smile, I jumped right in.  "You know how you've always said that if I had a problem that I don't want my brothers to know about, or if I need anything, I could always come to you? Well, I need something, and I'm calling in your marker."

His expression was concerned, and I could tell he was wondering what was coming his way.  "Yeah, of course I remember. You know I'd do anything for you. What do you need angel?"

That was the scariest moment of all, because I knew that once I said it, there would be no going back.  After taking a deep breath I blurted out, "I need you to kiss me."

When his eyes bugged out and he started sputtering, I wondered if he was going to flip out.

After staring at me for a minute in shock, he said, "Um, WHAT?"

"Don't freak out. Just listen. I've never kissed anyone before, but everyone else I know has done that plus more. I'm going to be seventeen in a few months, and it's just humiliating that I'm completely inexperienced. Dominique got drunk at a party a few months ago and went all the way with some guy she didn't even like. People are making fun of me for being such a prude, but I'm nervous about kissing at this point.  I figure if I do it with you, I'll learn something.  Plus, I'll be kissing someone I love, so it won't be just anybody."

My only option was to watch, while he took in everything I'd said in silence.  The seconds ticked by as I waited for him to say something, anything.  I was starting to feel like a total idiot, when he took a deep breath and started to speak.

"I don't know about this Delilah.  I think it would be better if you waited until you meet someone you really want to kiss.  Plus, don’t you think it would be weird to kiss me?  You think of me as a third brother."

I was shaking my head in the negative before he even finished.  "It will only be weird if you make it weird.  I don't think of you as a brother Spencer. Don't ever say that, it's creepy.  That's not what you are to me, and you should know that by now.  I'm asking you to do me this favor, to follow through on your years of promising that you'd be there if I asked.  I'm asking.  Either you'll do it or you won't, but if you don't do it, I'm going to Matt Haas.  He'll have no problem doing it."

That's the ace up my sleeve to ensure that Spencer would really consider my request. Spencer hates our neighbor, Matt, with a passion, and so do I.  Matt is one of those grab ass guys who thinks he's the world’s gift to women.  He's nailed half of the girls in my class, and he makes sure that everyone knows it.  I wouldn't touch him with somebody else's tongue, much less mine, but Spencer didn't need to know that.

The look I got back from Spencer at that point was of pure frustration.  "That's ridiculous!  I ought to call your bluff just to see if you'd really kiss that herpes carrier, but I know you and you’d probably do it to spite me.  If you really want to do this, I'll do it."

I couldn't speak for a few seconds, purely because I was fighting to hold back a shit-eating grin.  It had worked! He was really going to do it. I was more excited than I ever had been before.

"It's what I really want.  I want the whole thing, Spence.  Tongue and all, and if you hold back, I'm going to kick your ass. This has to be real, so don't you dare half-ass it."

He looked at me like I was sending him in to a minefield, but he still had enough sense to walk across the room and lock his bedroom door.  That was smart of him, because if Damien found us, the shit would hit the fan.

"You need to stand up. I'm not kissing you on the bed.  That's just wrong."

Giving him a glare, I put my foot down.  "It's happening on the bed.  Don't make me nervous.  Turn on your TV so that we've got light and no one hears us, and then turn off the lights and get over here."

Praise the lord, he followed orders.  After turning on the TV, he flicked the switch to kill the overhead light.  My stomach started doing flip-flops as he walked toward me.  I could only hope I wasn't grinning like the lovesick fool that I am.

After sitting next to me on the bed, he stared at me wide eyed for a moment.  Looking into his eyes, I saw two things.  He desperately wanted to do it, and he was worried that it was wrong.

Scooting closer to him, I ran my hands up into his hair, and gently pulled his head towards mine.  When he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in, I knew he was really going to follow through.

For a second, his mouth hovered over mine as our breaths mingled.  Both of us had our eyes open, and the look we shared said a million different things.  At the first touch of his lips on mine, I felt a little zap of electricity, and I gasped.  As my eyes fluttered closed, he gently slid his tongue into my mouth.

I couldn't help but to be a little tentative at first, because it was my first kiss.  The beauty of it was that I was experiencing it with the person I love most in the world.

My body was tingling and pulsing in new ways as the kiss got deeper. The minutes passed as we gently kissed, our tongues sliding together so softly it made me dizzy.  Shifting, I pulled him with me as I fell back onto the bed. He gave the slightest pause, and I knew he was just on the edge of stopping.  With a little moan, I took my hands and slowly ran them up his chest before lacing my fingers behind his neck.

All his resistance was gone after that, and when he settled on top of me, I could feel that he was hard.  Spreading my legs, I wrapped them around his legs as we continued kissing.  The kiss has gone from being a regular kiss to being super-hot.  Neither of us could keep it slow anymore, and things escalated.

I could hear the bed creaking softly as we rocked against each other.  The pressure of his arousal rubbing against the juncture of my thighs had me tingling. The taste of him, along with the sensation of our tongues sliding against each other, had my breath coming in little bursts.  It seems like we were locked together like that for hours, exploring and loving each other in a totally new and entirely different way. Trailing one of my hands down from around his neck, I slid it under his shirt and ran it up his chest to rest over his heart.  His skin was hot to the touch, and his heartbeat was super-fast.

Wrenching his mouth from mine, he stared into my eyes, all the while continuing to grind against me.  I kept right on rubbing against him, too.

He said my name on a moan.  "Delilah… You're so goddamn beautiful. Jesus! We need to stop angel. I'm going to come if we don't."

Yes! That’s what I wanted. I wanted to know that he’s out of control, and that he’s going to remember this forever. Looking him straight in the eye, I smiled as I said, "I want you to."

I could actually see his internal struggle, and I wanted to make damn sure he didn't stop.  Taking my hand out from under his shirt, I used both of my hands to open his jeans before sliding one hand into his boxers.  I gave a little gasp when I felt how big he was, how hot he was in my hand.  "Oh, angel…"  With a growl, he captured my mouth again as I rubbed against him.

The rocking of the bed got faster, and I knew he was about to reach his end.  Our kiss became harder and firmer, even more passionate.  Everything was wilder as I rubbed my hand over him faster and faster.  Pulling back from my mouth, he buried his face against my neck. "Oh god Delilah… angel… I'm going to come!" I rubbed my thumb over the tip again and again as I gasped for air and the bed shook underneath me.  "I love you Spencer.  Let yourself go."

Letting out a hoarse cry, he erupted into my hand, and my body tingled all over as he did. I loved the feeling of his breath on my neck, loved being wrapped all around him, loved having my hand in his pants, and I loved the hot and wet feeling of his release on my fingers.  I did that to him.  I made him feel all those things, and it felt amazing to me.  When he finished, he kissed my neck and then my mouth again before rolling off of me to lie on his back.

Pulling my hand from his pants, I reached my arm over to his nightstand to grab some tissues so that I could clean up.  After my hands were dry, I threw the tissues in the trash, and then turned back to Spencer.  I could totally tell that he was struggling, so instead of making it weird, I took his hand in mine, holding it like we used to when we were younger.  Giving him a kiss on the cheek, I put my head on his chest.  "Thank you for helping me Spence.  It doesn’t have to get weird now, I promise.  I would like to stay and hold your hand for a bit though, if that's okay."

Leaning his head down, he gave the top of my head a kiss.  "You know I'll always hold your hand Delilah.  I just need a few minutes to go get changed though.  I'll be back, okay?"

Chapter Three: Spencer

I'm pretty sure that I lost my mind when I let Delilah talk me into being her first kiss.  No matter what I do, I'll never be able to take that back.  Just before my tongue slid into her mouth, I'd hoped that we would have no chemistry, that all my sudden desires for her could be wiped away with one hideously bad kiss.

Unfortunately, that's not what happened at all.  Sure, there was a minute of awkwardness, but once she found her rhythm, she had it down.  Within five minutes of beginning to kiss, we were perfectly in time with one another.  What I just shared with Delilah was easily the best kiss of my life.

Not good.

Not good at all.

And fuck it all if I didn't let it get so much further than just kissing!  I haven’t dry humped a girl since I was in ninth grade, but with Delilah, I couldn't help myself.  I wanted her so fucking bad that I thought I was going to explode.  I knew I was out of control, and I knew I needed to calm down.  I tried, I swear I did.

When she opened my jeans and put her hand down my pants, I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest.  By that point, reminding myself that she’s still only sixteen wasn't working anymore. I feel like shit, but it was a conscious decision on my part to quit trying to stop.  I wanted to be touched by her so badly that I thought I'd go crazy with it, and I think when I came into her hand, I actually did go a little crazy.  Nothing ever felt so good or so intense. The only saving grace in all of this is that we didn't go any farther.

After getting my shit together in the bathroom, I headed back into my bedroom.  I groaned when I saw Delilah spread across my bed like an angel.  When did things get out of control?  At what point did my body and heart betray my brain?  What I feel for Delilah is so much bigger than some stupid crush.  It’s wrong in every conceivable way too.  She’s sixteen, I’m twenty. When I’m not at college, we live in the same house. Her brothers are my best friends and I’ve known her since the day she came home from the hospital.  I'm totally fucked, not worthy of anyone, much less Delilah. Our lives are too intertwined for this to be anything other than wildly inappropriate.

Still, Delilah means more to me than anyone in the world, and if she wants me to sit with her and hold her hand now, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.  Dropping onto my bed, I grabbed her hand in mine as she settled her head on my shoulder.  Grabbing the remote I flicked through the channels until I found us a movie to watch on HBO.

We laid like that in silence for quite a while.  As fucked up as what I’d just done with her was, it was still comforting to lay with her and hold her hand.  Shifting on the bed a bit, she kissed my cheek.  “I love you Spencer, more than anything. Thank you.”

She shouldn’t be thanking me, but I’d never make her feel badly about what just happened.  I don't ever want her to feel dirty.  All of the blame was mine.

“I love you too Delilah, more than anything.”

Right there, right in that moment, I realized something that changed my entire life.

I didn't just love Delilah.  I was in love with her.

It was ridiculously bad timing to realize it, but that didn't make it any less factual.

***

“At some point, you’re going to have to tell me what the fuck is going on with you Spencer.  You’ve been acting really strangely for the last two months.”

Fuck.  Fuck. FUCK.  The last thing I need is for Damien to figure out what my "problem" is.  What am I supposed to say here?  'I'm in love with your teenage sister' would likely get my face smashed in.

How the hell does he even know something is wrong?  I’ve all but thrown myself into our "normal" lifestyle.  I’ve fucked at least ten chicks in the last two months.  I’ve stayed on my game, even though it makes me feel more like a filthy asshole than ever. My entire life has been thrown through the damn ringer since the night I kissed Delilah and came into her hot little hand.

I decided to try at playing dumb, hoping that I could buy time so that I could recalibrate the way I'd been acting. “Dude, what do you mean? I’ve been alright.”

The look Damien gave me left no doubt that he was frustrated that I was trying to play it off.

“Come on Spence.  I know something is bugging the shit out of you.  You’re like a shadow of yourself.  We go out and you pick the first chick that comes at you.  Your head clearly isn't in it, and you’re totally phoning it in.  You’re at the gym for four fuckin’ hours a day, which is two more than you've ever done before, or you’re studying.  I don’t think I’ve seen you chilled out and relaxed in months.  Don’t make me beat it out of you.  What the fuck is wrong?”

I scrambled like a maniac in my head to come up with something believable, finally grabbing on to something that actually had been upsetting me.  “I’m alright Damien. I guess I’ve just been really fucked in the head since Christmas, when my mother sent those crazy pictures.  I know that shit upset you and Dante too.”

During Christmas break, my mother had sent a bunch of pictures to me.  These weren’t “aw, how cute” pictures.  They were downright creepy, and they gave me the chills.  All of the pictures were of me, Damien, Dante and the twins when we were younger, but every one of them showed how neglected we were.  Some of the photos showed us in the shed sleeping.  What kind of mother stands over children sleeping next to gardening tools for posterity?  Marceline Cross is who.

Damien’s brisk nod told me that he understood how I felt.  “Spence, we’re always going to be fucked up because of what our parents did.  But when shit like this comes up, we need to talk to each other.  Don’t keep it in.  You’re my brother, even if we don’t share blood.  I talk to you when shit about Mike and Connie bubbles to the surface for me.  My parents were just as fucked up.  You aren’t alone.”

He’s right and he's wrong.  Mike and Connie Hart were fucked up, but as far as I know, neither of them ever rubbed their sons in a completely disgusting way. Had Mr. Hart lived, he'd have gone for the girls, but luck was on their side when he overdosed.

The other difference is that the Harts are now gone, and Marceline and Hank Cross are still alive and as classless as ever. I never see them, but my mother likes to pop up from time to time to play the victim or to take swipes at the Harts.  It makes me feel like a giant pussy that I secretly wish she would tell me she was sorry, that she would take my side and admit that my father is a fucking monster.  What kind of a mother lets her son down the way Marceline did, over and over again?  Why did none of our parents care about us?

“I hate bringing them up.  I feel like I’m a fucking reminder of all the shit you guys shouldn’t have to think about anymore, because my mother still likes to rub it the fuck in whenever she deigns to remember that I’m alive.”

Damien shook his head in frustration.  “Don’t you ever think that, Spence.  It isn’t you or Dante or the twins that remind me of my parents. I've got triggers, believe me, and none of them are you or the others.  We can’t push each other away.  You know that, right?  This family is all we’re ever going to have.   Don’t hold shit back.  Sometimes you’re too much like Dante.  You assholes make me nuts!”

That comment really kicked my ass.  We’ve struggled at times through the years to keep Dante from retreating inward.  He bore the brunt of the abuse and the bullshit, mostly because he has a few extra years of memories that Damien and I don’t, and he really had to grow up fast.  He always feels like he has to be strong and shoulder the burden himself, and it makes us nuts.  It hurts us all when Dante pulls away to try to “protect” us, and I don’t want to do the same thing.

I need to remember that the Harts are my family, and push my feelings for Delilah way down.  I’d lose my two best friends for sure if I was ever dumb enough to try anything with her.  I need to thank my lucky stars that they don’t know anything about what happened, and move on from here.

***

I thought that I was doing a good job of pushing my feelings for Delilah to the back burner until summer break started.  The second I walked back into the house and saw her cooking a welcome home dinner, it took everything I had not to grab her and kiss the hell out of her. I knew that I'd behaved in a fairly gruff way with her after that, but I couldn't do anything differently.  If I did what I wanted to do, her brothers would lose their shit.  She's off limits for many years to come, and I need to act like it.

The worst part of the whole thing was that she’d gotten herself a boyfriend.  Sam seemed like a nice enough guy I guess, but I hate his fucking guts regardless.  Every single time he came to the house to get her I wanted to beat him senseless. He was touching my fucking girl, even though he didn't know it.  Shit, she didn't know it.

Delilah acted like the kiss never happened, and it was infuriating.  Sure, I wanted her to keep it quiet… but didn’t it mean anything to her at all?  She was running around with that asshole like he was the love of her life.  He was always around, he was constantly trying to hold her hand (that was my fucking job!) and he hung on her every word.  It was enough to make me want to vomit.  I understood that she was seventeen, and that she was bound to get a boyfriend, but it was just too fucking much.

It was destroying me, making me question how strong of a person I was.  I started having nightmares about my father practically every night, and I was barely functioning.  Delilah still came in to wake me up, but now we didn’t talk when she held my hand until I calmed down.  She tried to talk at first, but I was too pissed about Sam to let her. I hated that someone else is touching her and I couldn’t deal with it.  I hated it with an alarming ferocity that I didn't know how to deal with.

The one true positive that emerged within the last few months came when I was contacted by my grandmother's lawyer on my twenty-first birthday.  Helen had been my father's stepmother. My father hated her and she didn't like him either, but she loved me and I had loved her right back.  When her lawyer contacted me, I was shocked.  Helen had passed when I was very young, but it turned out that I was her beneficiary, and everything had been in a trust until I reached my twenty-first birthday.  I inherited almost twenty million dollars, but I couldn’t have cared less about every penny of it, except for the two hundred thousand dollar bank check it allowed me to send my father.  It was the exact amount of the check I had forced him to write Sandra on the day I moved out.  Once I put the cashier's check in the mail, I felt as though I had wiped clean any last bit of control that he thought he maintained over me.

***

It's getting harder to deal with my feelings for Delilah. They're always there, always at the forefront of my mind. She's always felt like my human compass, the person that kept me on track, but lately, it's getting harder to navigate her.

When she looks at me now, I see something hot and wild in her eyes, along with promises of something I don't want to think too much about. I want her so fucking badly that it makes me weak at the knees, and thinking about what she wants makes me wild.

This afternoon, while we were lying out by Dante's pool, I caught her looking at me, hotter than usual.  Before I could edit myself, I blurted out, "Dammit angel.  Why are you looking at me like that?"

Her knowing smile was intoxicating.  "We both know why I'm looking at you Spencer.  I'm waiting for the day I look and can tell that you're ready."

Oh.

Fuck.

ME.

I tried to shake my head to negate the truth in those words, only to realize that I was nodding in the affirmative as opposed to the negative.  "I'm no good.  You deserve so much better and…"

Putting her hand over my mouth, she gave me a hard look.  "Don't you ever talk about yourself like that to me again. You hurt me when you hurt yourself Spencer.  Think about that the next time you go to say something so stupid.  We're done talking about this.  Let it go."

I'm not stupid though.  I know it's just a matter of time before she comes back at me, asks me to take her. The need rolls off of her in waves. I am in equal parts reluctant, scared shitless and desperate to do everything she wants, be everything she needs me to be.

Chapter Four:  Delilah

I was so pissed off at Spencer when he came home from college the summer after we'd kissed.  I'd emailed and called him numerous times once he went back to school, but other than seeing him at family dinners, he wasn’t around.  I got the message, loud and clear.  He was uncomfortable with what happened, and knowing him as well as I do, I knew it was because I’m so young.  I'm no fool, and I knew to choose my battles wisely.  I’ve got years to wear Spencer down, and I wasn't going to play myself out that early on.  For me, it’s all about long-term with him, and I know he isn’t anywhere near that yet.

That being the case, I’d decided to put him out of my mind and start dating.  I had been with Sam for almost a month when Spencer and Damien came home from school, and I liked him well enough.  Sam was a pretty good kisser, he treated me like gold, he liked having my sister around, and he had a great sense of humor.  He wasn’t Spencer, but then, that was why I'd chosen him.  I knew that what Spencer and I had was lightening in a bottle, and I also knew that it couldn’t be replicated.

I was so excited the day that Spence and Damien were coming home from college that I spent the whole day making a big dinner.  I made homemade pasta sauce, meatballs, stuffed shells, garlic bread and cheesecake.  After I had the meal almost ready to be served, I spent an hour getting ready.  I brushed my hair until it was shiny, put on a light pink lip-gloss, and dressed myself in a black cotton floor-length halter dress paired with black espadrilles.  I’d wanted to wear something a little sexier, but since I’d be doing the finishing touches on a meal that basically consisted of all red food, it seemed like a dumb idea.

The boys made it home just in time, and the entire family gathered around Aunt Sandra’s table.  We'd all dug in, talking and laughing, and everyone seemed to be having a great time except for Spencer.  Oh, sure… he was putting on a show like he was having fun, but I’ve known him my entire life, and I could tell that he was going out of his way to keep his distance from me.  It really pissed me off.  What did he think? That I would jump on his lap and demand a repeat performance in front of the entire family?  He looked at me like I'd become a ticking time bomb, and it pissed me off.

The other part of me was really hurt. I got so pissed that when I'd excused myself from the table to get more sauce, I quickly texted Sam and told him to come over.  Spencer needed to see that I was with someone else.  I was sure that would put him in his place and make him chill out.

I think seeing me with Sam hurt him more than it helped.  It hurt me too, because I hated seeing him upset. I knew that he wasn't ready for what I wanted, and I wasn't going to sit like a hermit in my room.

***

Time passed quickly, as it inevitably does.  Spencer and I worked our way through that rough period.  It didn't hurt that I'd broken up with Sam just one week after Spencer got home from school.  I'd wanted a boyfriend, but it was impossible to want to kiss or spend time with anyone else when Spencer was home.

It feels like I just started my senior year yesterday, but now I'm in a cap and gown and Mama San can't stop taking pictures of Dominique and me with the rest of the family.  She's recorded this moment to the nth degree, and my face hurts from smiling so much.

My favorite part of my day had been waking up to Spencer sitting at the foot of my bed.  "Hi angel," he whispered.  "I got you a gift.  I thought maybe you'd like to wear it today."

I sat up and beamed at him when he handed me a card and a jewelry box with a satin ribbon tied around it. I gasped when I opened it to see the most beautiful necklace I'd ever laid eyes on. It was a diamond heart on a platinum chain, and I loved it right away.

I watched him in the mirror as I lifted my hair up so that he could put the necklace on for me.  As he fastened it, I could feel his breath on my neck, and I got goose bumps.  His head popped back up when he was finished, and I met his eyes in the mirror with a smile.  "I love it Spence.  It's perfect.  You always know just what to get me.  I love you more than anything."

For a moment, I swear there was the faintest hint of a shimmer in his eyes as he smiled back at me.  "I love you too angel, more than anything."

It was only when he left the room that I remembered that he'd handed me a card with the jewelry box.  I ran back to my bed and picked up the envelope, ripping it open like it was Christmas morning.

Delilah,

Congratulations angel. I'm more proud of you than I can say, and I love the woman that you're turning into. You'll always be the light of my life, and I'll always love you best, more than anything else in the world.

All my love, Spencer

I cried for about ten minutes after I read that card.  It was so beautiful, how could I not?  The person that I love most in the world loves me too, and that's a gift, even if he wasn't ready to start the next phase of our relationship… yet.

When I got down to the breakfast table, Dominique jingled her Spencer graduation gift at me.  It was a beautiful platinum charm bracelet.  He'd chosen the first two charms, and they were perfect for her.  A book because she loves to read, and a building because she wants to be an architect like him.  Those two have been drawing plans and building things together for as long as I can remember, and I was really touched that his gift was so lovely. He's so thoughtful that it's ridiculous.

After breakfast we got our gifts from our family. Mama San, Dante and Damien went a little crazy and bought us each a new car.  Dominique got a white Lexus coupe and I got a red Mercedes SUV.

I loved my car and was beyond grateful for it, but the gift I loved the most was Spencer's heart.  I've worn it every day since, and I don’t ever plan to take it off.

***

At the very beginning of my first year in college, I decided it was a good time to go to Spencer to ask for something that I needed.  I'm still a virgin, and that's fine, but I want him to give me an orgasm.  I know he'll think I'm crazy, but I want the first one to be at his hands.  Everything I love about life ties back to Spencer, and I want him to share this with me.

The wheels were already in motion, and I was meeting him at his house in an hour.  I told him that I had a problem and really needed to talk, alone, and he told me he’d leave the bar he and my brother were at early to meet me back at his house.

The drive to Spencer’s passed quickly because we only live about five minutes apart, and before I knew it I was parking in his driveway.  Taking a deep breath, I fortified myself for what was ahead of me.  I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy sell, but there was no way I’d let him push me off. Stepping from the car, I walked straight to the door.  I’d just raised my hand to knock when the door flung open.

He looked gorgeous, as always, and I struggled to remember to breathe for a minute.  He works out like a mad man, and his body is to die for.  After giving me a kiss and a hug, Spence escorted me into his living room.  Taking a spot on his couch, I smiled when he took the seat at the other end.

“What’s up angel?  What do you need?”

I’d already decided not to beat around the bush, so I dove right in.  “Don't flip out. I’m here because I need to kiss you again, and I want you to give me my first orgasm. It's time.”

I paused when he gasped, and I could see that he was going to argue with me.  “Shush Spence.  Listen to me before you say no.”

He nodded tersely, so at least I knew he was listening.

“I'm a virgin, and we both know I'm saving it for you."

The look on his face was a mixture of shock, discomfort and arousal.  "Jesus, Delilah, shoot straight much? That's… I mean… I don't know what the fuck to even say."

"You can cut the crap and admit that you've known all along that I was waiting for you.  I don't mind waiting, not that I'm going to sit on my ass forever, but before I start taking care of my needs myself, I want you to get me there.  I want all my firsts to happen with you."

"Oh, fuck.  I don't even…"

Holding up my hand, I told him to hush.  "You can run from everyone else Spencer Cross, but you'll never be able to run from me.  I know you want this, know you've wanted it for a long time. I know that you’ve been waiting, hoping that I’d come to you again.  Well, here I am. Someday, you'll have all of me.  Until you're ready to take that step, I'm asking you to give me this."

I saw the exact moment that he accepted what I’d said as being true, and I knew he was going to do it. His eyes were like a firestorm when he looked at me.  "If this is what you really want angel, then yes. You’re right.  I want to give it to you.  Tell me how you want me to do this."

Standing, I took his hand in mine as I started walking toward his bedroom.  I walked fast, letting go of his hands when we got in so that I could throw myself on his bed.  After enjoying a little bounce, I propped myself on my elbow and stared at him as he stood over the bed.

"You can start by kissing me.  How it goes from there is up to you."

He stared at me like he was in a trance.  Smiling at him, I sat up and got on my knees before pulling my sundress over my head.  I was braless, so that left me before him wearing only a pair of white bikini panties.

I loved the look on his face almost as much as I enjoyed hearing him gasp for air.  "Oh angel… you're so beautiful."

My breath caught in my throat at that.  I could tell that, to him, I was, and that meant everything to me.  Coming forward, I sat on the edge of the bed so that he was between my legs. Wrapping my arms around his torso, I looked up, rested my chin on his stomach and stared up at him.  "So are you, Spencer.  So beautiful you take my breath away."

His entire body went tight when I said that, and his eyes blazed down into mine. "Tell me how many."

Blinking, I stared up at him in confusion.  "How many what," I asked.

Running his hands down my arms, he devoured me with his eyes.  "How many times you want me to make you come tonight.  The sky's the limit angel, but you're in charge here.  Tell me what you think you can handle."

Oh. Good. Lord!

Gulping, I stared up at him as I tried to formulate a response.  I searched my brain for facts. How many times was it even possible to come in one night?  I grabbed the first number that came to mind and croaked out, "Two. Unless you think that's not possible?  Is that too much?  I'd be happy with one."

Groaning, he gently pushed me back on the bed before straddling me.  My chest rose and fell like I was working out.  The heated look he gave me had me flooding my panties.  Shit! He'd gotten me wet with just a look.

"I know we can do better than two, angel."

Oh god.  If he kept talking, I'd come from that alone.

He shifted on top of me, putting his hands behind my knees, spreading me beneath him to create room for him to slide between my thighs.  I watched in wonder as he held himself over me, each of us making love to the other with our eyes. I shifted beneath him, shifting up to rub against him.

With a growl, he captured my mouth with his.  We hadn't lost any of our chemistry since the last time we'd kissed.  If anything, we now had even more.  Capturing my tongue in his mouth, he started sucking.  Each suck caused my sex to release more arousal, and I arched up against him over and over to release some of the pressure.

Pulling back, he stared into my eyes as he simultaneously started grinding against me.  "Are you wet, angel?"

With a shaky breath, I nodded my head.  "Yes, god yes."

Standing up, he divested himself of his shirt, jeans and socks.  I'd seen him hundreds of times in swim trunks, but having him stand over his bed wearing only a pair of Calvin Klein briefs made me crazy.  He came down on top of me again, and I groaned when our naked chests touched for the first time.  My nipples had been hard to begin with, but now they were so tight that it was painful.  I wanted his mouth on them, on every part of me.

He kissed me again, hot and deep as our tongues stroked together.  I reveled in the taste, smooth and uniquely him.  When he pulled back and started kissing my neck, I whimpered.  It felt so damn good that I was a puddle underneath him.  He kissed and licked every part of my neck, nipping gently at me with his teeth. I wiggled and gasped as he ground against me.  I knew my panties were toast at that point.  If they were wet before, they were soaked now.

As he made his way down my throat to my breasts, I tingled all over.  For a timeless moment, he stared at them like he was committing the whole thing to memory.  Smiling up at me, he palmed both of my breasts at the same time, gently rubbing my nipples with his thumbs.  His breath against my nipple was agonizingly good, and I squeaked when he sucked it into his mouth.

"That's fucking beautiful angel.  Your cherry nipples taste so damn good.  You like this?"

I nodded my head at him, incapable of forming words.  Switching to my other breast, he started flicking that nipple with his tongue, too.  "If you like this, just imagine how much you're going to love my tongue flicking your clit."

When he sucked my nipple into his mouth again, I felt myself start to go.  "That's right baby.  I'm going to bury my tongue in your sweet pussy tonight."  Dropping his head to my other breast, he sucked that nipple into his mouth and flicked it fast.

I lit up from the inside out; moaning and shifting beneath him as the most amazing feeling I'd ever felt washed over me, my sex ground zero for a release I'd never expected.  I couldn't believe he'd gotten me to come that easily, not that I was complaining!

He brought his mouth back to mine, kissing me like I was his.  It was then that I knew for certain that he had finally accepted that I was.  Issuing a low growl from the back of his throat, he shifted a bit and put his hand over my panties, cupping me gently.  The touch of his fingers was electric, and I moaned into his mouth. He kept his touch light, even as I ground myself over and over into his hand.  He alternated tracing figure eights and doing a straight up and down motion against me.

Wrenching his mouth away from mine, he gasped for breath as he rolled to the side of me, propping himself up on an elbow to stare down at me.  He turned his head to watch his fingers slide against me while I shifted and moaned.   Snapping his head back up, he captured my gaze with his.  "You're so wet that I can see your little blonde landing strip through your underwear."

"Oh. My. God. Spencer!"

"That's right baby, I'm staring at your pretty pussy.  I'm not going to have to wonder anymore angel, because now I'm going to know what you taste like.  Let yourself go.  I want you to come now."

I cried out his name over and over again as he pressed down, my back arching off the bed as he brought me through another amazing release.  I was still riding the waves when he started pulling my panties down.  He groaned when he saw me fully naked for the first time, his eyes all over my sex.

"Angel, you're so fucking sexy. I've dreamed about this so many times.  Tonguing you, lapping up your cream, having you come in my mouth.  I'm going to devour you baby.  Get ready."

Who was he kidding?  I was beyond ready.

Putting his hands under my knees, he pushed my legs back as he spread them so that they hung over his arms.  Hovering over me, he took a deep breath.  "Oh Jesus… Angel, you smell so damn good."

I shivered when he looked up at me, his face a mask of pure arousal.  I didn't get to stare at him long, because he dropped his head over my sex.  The feeling of his hot breath on me was exquisite. When he touched his tongue to me, I almost came right then and there.  I held on to the comforter underneath me for dear life as he gently tongued me.  His technique was amazing, and I gushed under him as he worked me over.  "Mm.  Fuck me Delilah, you taste so goddamn good.  I love having my tongue all over your wet pussy. You’re fucking delicious baby."

I loved hearing him talking dirty to me.  I'd had no idea that it would be something that would turn me on so much.  When he started flicking my clit in quick repetitive motions, I came underneath his tongue with a sharp scream.

His growl told me he liked that he'd made me come, and I shifted under him as I started coming down.  I thought that would be it, but he didn't stop.  Instead, he held my lips open with his hands, and descended on my sex again.  He slid his tongue all over me, jabbing in and out of me over and over again as I shivered and moaned under him.  "Oh God, Spence…  What are you doing to me?"

He shook his head back and forth a dozen times, his tongue working its magic against me. When he pulled back, he looked me in the eye, and smiled.  I saw that he was absolutely covered in me, and I turned my head in embarrassment, because that couldn't be normal.

"What I'm doing to you, tonguing the sweetest fucking pussy I've ever tasted, and loving it. Don't turn away baby, there's nothing to be ashamed of here.  I love how wet you are.  Fucking love it."

I might have been embarrassed, but it certainly didn't stop me from getting even more turned on when he said those words to me.  Sucking my clit into his mouth, he sucked gently as he flicked me repeatedly with his tongue, and I came again with a keening cry as I shivered and shook underneath him.

Standing up, he walked into his bathroom, returning a moment later with two wet washcloths.  He used the first on his face, the second to clean me up.  When he was finished, he threw both across the room toward his hamper, and then climbed onto the bed with me.

"There's no fucking way I'm letting you go home now. You're sleeping in my arms tonight, Delilah. Get under the covers, you're staying."

I did as he asked, curling up against him as he turned the light off.  It bothered me that he hadn't come, and I started running my fingers up and down his chest, swirling them around his belly button.  When he didn't protest, I climbed on top of him and covered his mouth with mine.  I tasted myself on his tongue, and I was surprised at how much it turned me on.

With no clothes on, I could feel his rigid shaft tight against my core, and I started rocking back and forth on him.  Wrenching his mouth away, he panted for a moment to catch his breath before asking, "What the hell are you doing angel?"

I rocked faster, knowing that I was getting his briefs wet but not caring.  "What I'm doing is making you come.  It's not fair that I did and you didn't.  Let me do this."

He held my hips in his hands, gliding me back and forth on him even as he shook his head.  "No, baby… I don't matter.  This was about you."

"You matter to me Spencer.  You always matter to me."

Pulling back, I adjusted myself so that I was sitting further down his lap.  That position allowed me to pull his shaft from his briefs so that I could stroke it up and down.  His tortured moan made my nipples pucker.  I couldn't see him in the dark, but he felt huge in my hand.  As I worked him up and down, he thrust upward with a cry.  "Harder. Fuck! Harder. Don't be gentle."

I started jerking him fast and hard as his breathing got more and more out of control.  "Come for me Spencer.  Give it to me."

With a loud shout, he erupted.  Just like the first time, I loved feeling his release on my skin, in my hand.  Leaning forward, I kissed him in the center of his chest before getting up from the bed and making my way to the bathroom.  After using the bathroom, I washed my hands and then got a warm washcloth.  I climbed into his bed with a smile; using the washcloth to clean him up before tossing it in the direction he'd thrown the others.

When I got back into position next to him, he wrapped his arm around me before kissing the top of my head.  "That was absolutely amazing angel.  Thank you for letting me share in all of that with you."

I smiled to myself, happy that I'd made him happy. "I have to thank you right back.  That was incredible. I love you Spencer, more than anything."

"I love you too angel, more than anything." Pulling me closer, he snuggled me as I drifted to sleep.

***

I'd waited and waited for him to be ready before I finally saw it.  It had been almost two years since the night he gave me my first orgasms, and I was pretty sure the time had come.  He's having a hard time keeping his eyes off of me these days, and I could see the longing right at the surface.  He wants me, and it's time for me to act on it.

I decided that tonight would be the perfect time to do it.  Damien's away, and Dante's busy banging the slut of the month.  That makes this my best chance to approach Spencer.  I'd given him no time to try and wiggle out of it.  Instead, I had texted him and told him that I needed to talk to him.  He's never been able to refuse me anything, so he didn't disappoint.  "I'll be home in just over an hour.  I'll meet you there."

Luck was on my side, because I could be at his house in five minutes, and I had a key.  I had an overnight bag with me, so I let myself in and set to getting ready.  I slipped into a beautiful silver negligee before arranging myself on his sofa.

He walked in with a smile on his face that quickly turned to shock when he saw me sitting there.  "Um.  Delilah?"

I smiled at him before speaking.  "It's time."

He was totally thrown off guard, and I enjoyed seeing him that way.

"When you didn't come before now, I thought… I assumed you changed… what's happening here?"

Holding out my hand, I gestured at him to join me.  He sat next to me on the couch but didn't relax, holding my hand in a death grip as he tried to breathe normally.  Lifting his hand to my mouth, I kissed it before looking into his eyes and starting to speak.

“What's happening here is that it's time.  You knew I was coming for you, Spencer.  I made that very clear to you the last time we were together.  I'm still a virgin, and I saved it for you.  I want to have sex.  I'm desperate for it, even. You’re the only one Spencer. I don’t want to lose my virginity to someone I don’t love. I've always known it would be you, just like I know I’ll never regret it.  I love you more than anyone, and you know that."

Pulling his hand from mine, he groaned.  I watched as he buried his face in his hands for a moment, seemingly lost for words.  “Delilah… this is huge.  Once we do this, there is no going back.  Not ever. You could really regret this.”

Shaking my head, I slid closer to him and ran my fingers through his hair.  “No Spence.  I won’t regret it.  I’ve never regretted that you were my first kiss, never regretted that you gave me my first orgasms, and I’m not going to regret this either.  When I’m ninety, I’ll still be happy that I did this with you.  I get the best of both worlds.  I make love with someone I know would never hurt me, someone that I love, who loves me just as much.  I couldn’t ask for anything more than this. This is me asking you to make my dreams come true.  Are you ready to give me what I need?"

Chapter Five: Spencer

Delilah’s argument was equal parts ridiculous and solid.  She was right, she should lose her virginity to someone she loved, who loved her just as much.  God knows that second part is true.  I love Delilah more than life itself.

The ridiculous part of the argument is the fact that she’s thought it out and has just decided that it's time. I really thought that she was over it, because she never approached me after the night I made her come for the first time. I guess she meant what she said that night.  She would know when it was time, and I guess the time is now. She’s been a go-getting little ball buster her entire life, and she’s like a freight train when she makes up her mind. It’s insanity.

The worst part of all of this is that of course I want to do it.  I want to be Delilah’s first so badly that I ache with it.  Hell, I want to be her only.  That’s not about to happen, but it’s true anyway. I know I've got no chance of hoping that she won't be with other people.

I do think that I can hold her off for a while though, make her wait.  She’s so young, and I don’t want to do this and later have to deal with all the assholes she’s going to date.  They could be the nicest guys in the world, but I’m not going to be rational about it.  I can’t be, especially if we were to make love.  I'd fucking destroy anyone that dared to touch her.

“I’ll do it Delilah, but I’m not going to do it your way.  I have conditions.  If you agree, we’ll do it now.  If you don’t agree, we’re going to wait until you’ve finished another year at college.”

I’d pissed her off.  Giving me a stern look she snapped, “What are the conditions?”

Playing it off like I wasn't totally dying I told her, “The first thing is that we’re not doing it tonight.  If you want to have sex, you need to be on birth control.  Figure out what you want to use, and once we know it’s in effect, we’re clear. I need to know that you’re going to be safe.  After that, I’ll figure out how to get us both out of town, and we can spend the entire weekend together. I’m not going to fuck you Delilah. I’m going to make love to you.  There is a difference.  I’ve never even tried to do that before, but even I know that much."

I enjoyed seeing her speechless before I plowed on.  "You want a memory that will make you happy forever angel?  That can’t start with you walking into my house and telling me to do it your way. The second condition is that after we come back from wherever it is I take you, you’re mine for a month. No one else is to touch you, or even fucking look in your direction.  Same applies to you looking at other guys.  That means you need to be here every weekend, and every night that you can.  Thirty days.  Those are my conditions, and they aren’t up for negotiation.  You’re either in, or you’re out.  Which one is it?”

I knew she would never go for it.  She's in college, and the idea of spending a month having sex with me had to be ridiculous.  She’d be missing out on all kinds of social opportunities.  I figured my demands would keep her from doing it now, and after that I could only cross my fingers that she would last another year with her virginity intact.  I’d cross next year’s bridge when I came to it. The fact that her beautiful mouth dropped in shock was a likely indicator that I’d pissed her off.

Foolishly, I thought I could predict her actions.  What she said next proved me dead wrong.

“I’m on the pill, Spence, and I have been for the last two months.  As for the rest of your conditions, my answer is yes.  You can make me wait to make love, but I’m sitting here in lingerie and I’m hot for you.  Take me to bed and make me come.  Please?”

She didn’t have to ask me that question twice.  I grabbed her up off the sofa and swung her into my arms, before quickly making my way down the hall to my bedroom.  I spent the next hour lapping her up and making her scream.  I was so turned on that I jerked myself to a finish while she came on my tongue for the last time that night.  After that, she fell asleep in my arms, and I admitted to myself that I couldn’t fucking wait to make her all mine.

***

Hands down, this has been the longest week of my life.  I’ve been completely out of it.  The only thing I’m fully present for is when I’m making my plans to be with Delilah.  I’ve had to tread really carefully at work with Dante.  He’s sharp, and he will definitely notice that I’m acting like an idiot if I don't watch my ass.

The reason I’d asked for thirty days was because Damien is out of town overseeing a build we are doing in Greece for the next four weeks.  If he was going to be gone for a longer period of time, I’d have been selfish enough to ask for a longer commitment from Delilah.  As it is, I’m taking up every available second of her time until Damien comes back to town.  I’ve got one shot with her, and I’m going to make every moment count since these memories are going to have to last me for a long time.

I was picking her up from Dominique's apartment, and the drive there seemed to take forever.  I was so excited when I finally arrived that I burst out laughing.  I wasn’t that nervous losing my own virginity! As I was pulling up, I saw Delilah walking towards me with a rolling weekend bag.  Hopping out of the car, I made my way onto the sidewalk to grab her bag.  She looked beautiful, as always.  Her long blonde hair was wavy and loose, and her blue eyes sparkled when she looked at me.

You’d think she would have been nervous, but not my Delilah.  With a laugh, she launched herself at me just like she always has, wrapping herself around me for a huge hug and a kiss.  The only difference between this hug and any of the millions of others that we’ve shared is that it went on for quite a bit longer, because neither of us immediately let go. I needed these few moments to soak her in before the drive.  Grasping her chin in my hand, I tilted her head back and claimed her mouth with mine.

Our kiss was hotter than a thousand suns on a summer day, both of us completely forgetting that we were standing on a public sidewalk in front of her sister's apartment.  I’d meant to kiss her, not devour her, but that’s exactly what I wound up doing. The thing that finally broke us apart was the sound of someone coughing.  Pulling away, I saw that Dominique was on the sidewalk, approaching us.

“Hey dumb ass!  How about you get on your way before someone sees you and thinks it’s me making out with you.  Ew.”

If it were anyone but Dominique, I’d have been mortified.  She has a way about her that has always made me laugh, and it didn't fail to do so right then.  “My bad.  I’ll have her back safe and sound Sunday night.  You be good this weekend!”

Smirking at me, she wiggled her eyebrows.  “I’d advise you to do the same, but I know you’re about to be very, very bad. Have fun!”  With a throaty laugh, Dominique turned and wandered back into her apartment building, leaving Delilah and I breathless, but alone.

Taking her bag, I threw it into the trunk before opening the passenger door for her.  I smiled when she brushed past me, the smell that is all hers teasing my nostrils.  She started wearing Ralph Lauren’s “Romance” when she was sixteen, and I’ve bought her a bottle for every birthday since then.  It blends perfectly with the fresh scent of her shampoo, body wash and her own natural scent.  If I could bottle her, I would.

Climbing into the car, I started the engine and then turn to face her.  “We’re going to my house in Malibu for the weekend, unless you have any objection.  Are you ready for this?”

Without an ounce of hesitation, she smiled at me.  “Yes.  I’m ready for you, for us.”

Us.  In my wildest fucking dreams, she's always the star, and we're together.

If only there could be an “us” in real life right now.

Chapter Six: Delilah

I’ve been polished and primped to within an inch of my life.  Am I ready?  Hell yes, I’m ready.  It’s a miracle I lasted this long!  I had to hold myself back from going to him every night this week.  When he went down on me last weekend, he started a fire in me that my fingers have not been able to even put a dampener on this week. I’m more than ready for the magic that I know we are going to create together.

I know it isn’t time for us to be a couple, at least not yet, but I want him with a ferocity that won’t quit.  I thought I’d hit the lottery when he told me that his condition for taking my virginity was a month of togetherness.  I could tell he thought that was going to change my mind when he’d said it, but if anything, it just made me more desperate to have him.  How could he not know that was my dream?  I’m about to spend the next month climbing all over Spencer, getting to know his body as well as I know everything else about him.

The drive to Malibu was blessedly short.  Grabbing the keys from him, I ran ahead to open the doors.  He brought our weekend bags in while I flung the sliding glass doors open and stepped out onto the deck, breathing in the fresh ocean air.  Ever since he bought it two years ago, I’ve always loved hanging out at Spencer’s Malibu house.  It's his getaway and his safe haven all in one happy place.  I’ve always wondered why he doesn’t just live here.

My heart rate skyrocketed, and I smiled as he came up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist.  I entwined our fingers together as I relaxed into him, so happy to be with him that I could feel my soul sing. We stood like that for a while, rocking back and forth staring at the ocean. When he asked if I was hungry, I nodded as I turned.  "Hungry for you," I said.

His blonde hair blew in the breeze as his blue eyes widened.  In that moment, I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that he was hungry for me, too.  Standing on my tiptoes, I wrapped my arms around his amazingly broad shoulders, and smiled at him.  To make it easier for me to reach him, he leaned forward.  I sighed, and smiled bigger as his body rubbed against mine, and I enjoyed it when I heard his breath hitch.

He lifted me up against him like I was weightless, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.  Before I'd hooked my ankles together, he had us back in the house.  We stared into each other's eyes with blazing intensity as he walked us to his bedroom.  Holding me tightly against him, he took my mouth with a gentle ferocity that left me with no doubt that he wanted to do this just as much as I did.

Our tongues dueled as we devoured one another, the sound of our kisses filling the room.  I wanted him with an intensity that had always been reserved just for him.  I squeezed my thighs around him as I tried to get closer to him.  An impossibility really, there wasn't a quarter of an inch between us.

I resented the clothes that kept us from being skin to skin, and letting my hands go from around his neck, I pulled my navy blue tank top off.  It had a built in bra, so once it was off, I was naked from the waist up.  Spencer watched my movements like he was a lion and I was dinner, and I smiled in the face of that look.

Walking me to the bed, he set me down before ripping his shirt off and joining me.  I groaned when I saw his naked chest hovering over me.  He's built like a Greek god, all muscle and stunning virility.  Having carte blanche to touch him, I took full advantage.  Running my hands up his chest, I explored every contour of him.  I noted when his breathing got heavier, when his breath stopped completely, what made him moan. When I rubbed my fingers over his nipples, he rewarded us both by grinding against me.

"Fuck Delilah.  This is supposed to be all about you baby.  Not me."

Shaking my head, I pulled him closer so that I could lick and bite his neck.  "If it's all about me then that's good, because I want to do this," sliding to the other side, I bit him again before kissing and licking at the same spot, "and this."  Fisting his hair between my hands, I pulled his mouth to mine.  "And this too," I said as I lifted my lips to his.  I silently cheered when I felt him pulsing harder against me as he kissed me with such passion that I knew he was barely holding himself together.

When he laid down on me bringing us chest to chest, the zing radiated through my body like a nuclear blast.  Skin to skin is how the two of us were meant to be; I had no doubt of that.  As he broke the kiss, I tried to pull him back to me.

"It's okay baby. I'm not going anywhere."

I almost cried tears of joy when his mouth started exploring my body.  Watching him, knowing that it was his mouth on me, his hands and his cock that were going to bring me pleasure filled my heart full to overflowing. I loved him so damn much.  Taking a nipple into his mouth, he sucked gently and I arched with a little cry.  Spencer's mouth was wicked and amazing, zeroing in exactly where I needed him to be.  Switching sides, he pulled my other nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking harder and faster as his hands ran all over my stomach.

When he started moving further down my body, kissing and licking my stomach and sides, I felt my panties getting wet with my arousal.  Watching through half lidded eyes, I saw him peel off my shorts and panties, drinking in his harsh inhalation when he looked at me. "It will never get old, seeing you like this.  You're like an angel Delilah.  My very own beautiful angel."

Spreading my legs wide, he got closer and closer to where I wanted him to touch me the most, as I recorded the moment in my memory for posterity. Feeling his breath on my core, I shuddered. When his tongue touched me, I felt like I'd been plugged in.

His mouth on me was amazing, absolutely amazing.  Running my fingers through his hair, I watched his head between my legs.  Arching, I moaned as he gently slid one of his fingers inside of me. I couldn't help yelping when I felt him hit my barrier. He hadn't put his fingers inside the last two times he went down on me, so I had no idea how amazing it would feel.

"Oh Spencer, it feels too good!" The flicking of his tongue concentrated on my clit and I squealed as the feelings became too intense. I knew that I was right on the edge of a huge orgasm, and I shifted my hips over and over as he tongued me, my breath coming in waves.

Lifting his head, he stared into my eyes.  "Angel, let go.  You're going to come."

I nodded my head as he doubled down on me, and within a minute I was in the throes of my orgasm. I moaned and begged him not to stop as my body exploded. I couldn't help but to cry out as it went on and on.  "Spencer! Yes! Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod… SPENCER!"

He didn't stop for a second, spreading me wide with his hands, and tonguing me continuously. Lifting his mouth off, he rubbed me with his fingers as he stared at my core.  "You're so fucking wet, and you taste so damn good angel.  I missed tasting you, baby.  All week I jacked off over and over thinking about how fucking hot you taste under my tongue." I screamed when he latched onto my clit and started French kissing it before sucking it into his mouth quickly in repetitive motions.  I came again with my hands fisted in his hair, crying out at the sensations his tongue created inside of me.

When he pulled back, I watched as he stripped the rest of his clothes off, gulping when I saw him entirely naked for the first time.  In addition to being built like a dream, he was huge. I couldn't love him or his body more if I tried, but I wondered if I'd ever have all of him inside of me.

Cupping my cheek, he gave me a reassuring smile as though he could read my mind.  "It will fit, I promise.  I'll make this good for you.  I'd never hurt you Delilah."

Sitting up, I put my arms around his waist, and kissed his chest before looking up into his eyes.  "I know you wouldn't Spence.  I'd never hurt you either.  I love you."

I watched as he gulped, and I wondered if he knew that he had tears in his eyes.  "I love you Delilah, so much angel."

My heart was full of love as I smiled at him before leaning forward and taking his shaft into my hand.  He felt so much bigger and hotter than the last time I touched him, and I wondered if that was possible. Then again, I didn't have a visual either of the times I’d touched him.  Now I could see it, and it was quite impressive… and scary. Could he really have been this big the entire time?

I stroked him from base to tip, learning every inch of his length before holding him still so I could stick my tongue out and run it over the tip in a swirling motion.  He tasted amazing, and I moaned.  Who knew? First kiss, first orgasm, first blowjob.  Everything with him was perfect, and I couldn't imagine that anyone else on earth has ever loved touching and being touched by anyone this much. I tongued every inch of his swollen girth, smiling as I sucked the pearl of pre cum off the tip.  He smelled of musk, and the fluid was salty; the taste pure him.

"Mm Spencer. I like this!"

Chapter Seven: Spencer

There was no mistaking that what I was doing with Delilah was making love, and it was so far removed from my previous experiences that it was mind blowing.  It might have been her first time, but I was breaking new ground too.  I've never made love, never even come close.  With Delilah, everything was new.  It wasn't a race, it wasn't dirty or nasty, and it wasn't emotionless.  It was more than anything that had ever come before, and I found myself struggling with the emotions that were assailing me.  I've always loved her, always. I thought I'd known how deep my love for her was the night I realized that I was in love with her. But right at that moment, what I was feeling was so much bigger that 'in love' was a poor descriptive.  It just wasn't enough.

I couldn't help but stare at her in wide eyed wonder as she licked and sucked me, and when she licked the drop of cum that had pooled at the tip, I almost keeled over before reminding myself, again, that this is about her.  Not me.  "Oh baby, you don't have to do that."

Incredibly, she took more of me into her mouth as she sucked harder.  Popping off, she ran her tongue over my tip, and raised an eyebrow at me.  "I know I don't have to.  I’m doing this because I want to.  Don't make me stop Spence.  I like it."

My control, which was hanging by the thinnest of threads to begin with, snapped like a twig.  If I didn't make love to her, immediately, I was going to pass out or die.  Pulling out of her mouth was incredibly difficult, and when she groaned and begged me to let her suck it again, my knees started to buckle.

I shook my head as I gently pushed her back onto the bed and spread her out.  For a moment, I just stared at her, trying to assure myself that she was real.  Seeing her on my bed in the house I'd bought while dreaming of a future with her was everything.  Her scent wrapped around me, and her taste on my tongue gave me a feeling in my chest that was completely overwhelming.

I loved seeing her naked, her only adornment was the heart necklace that I'd given her for graduation.  She’s always wearing it, and I love that.  Touching it with my finger, I smiled at her.  "You have my heart."

She nodded at me, and she returned my smile with one of her own as she covered my hand with hers.  "It's a treasure, the thing I value most. I'll always take care of it."

It was clear that we both knew we weren't talking about the necklace.

Groaning, my mouth captured hers again, nipping and licking and sucking her tongue.  Sliding my finger down her torso, I groaned into her mouth when I felt how incredibly wet she was.  In just a minute, I knew my cock was going to be covered in her arousal.  My dick jerked in response to the thought, and I cried out, "Delilah!"

Grabbing my face, she sucked my tongue into her mouth, staking her claim on my very soul.  Pulling away, she shivered and arched under me.  "Oh Spencer… please…now, now, now."

I spread her legs wide before placing the tip of my cock at her entrance, shuddering as I felt her creamy heat bathing me for the first time.  Only the knowledge that she'd not done this before kept me from thrusting into her like an animal and fucking her until I couldn't think anymore.  The need to claim her, body and soul, was so powerful that it was terrifying.  I gasped for air as I tried to get my shit together, failing miserably to control myself.  She was naked, she was mine, and my reason for existing was suddenly so clear that it hurt.  Delilah.  She was why I was born, why I lived, why I loved.  She was everything.

She was so tight that I actually wondered if I'd come before I even got all the way inside of her.  It took Herculean effort, but I held myself back from exploding.  It was a struggle to work my way in, but eventually the head slipped into her, and it was a fucking rush like I'd never felt before.  I was in Delilah.

Inside.

Fucking.

Delilah.

I'd never been in anyone sans condom and I've never given a shit, but with Delilah I couldn't conceive of having that barrier between us.  We were meant to be skin-to-skin, totally naked to each other.

Hearing her breathy gasps at the same time that I felt her pussy rippling and stretching around me caused my cock to swell more. She felt so fucking good that it should probably be illegal.  Hell, in some states, it probably is.  We both cried out when I came to the barrier. I started rubbing her clit again, groaning as I felt her releasing more cream onto my cock. "That’s it angel."

You'd think she'd be nervous, scared even, but she was wild underneath me, bucking against me as she hit orgasm again.  "Spence! Baby, I'm coming!"

She was mid come when I pulled back and thrust hard into her, breaking the barrier once and for all.  Her shriek stopped my heart, and I came to a halt inside of her.  "I'm sorry angel, so sorry.   I promise the pain will stop."

I held still on top of her, giving her time to adjust to the intrusion.  Staring into her eyes, I lost a part of my sanity when I watched two tears make their way down her face.  I'd fucked up, and she was crying.  I started sliding out as gently as I could, even as I felt an answering tear run down my face.  I never wanted to hurt her, and it killed me that I had.

Wrapping her arms and legs around me, Delilah locked me in.  "Nooo.  Oh god Spence, no.  Don't stop!  Please don't stop.”

I shook my head, struggling to breathe as I felt her inner muscles trying to adjust to me.  “Angel, you’re crying.  I can’t hurt you.”  With each passing second I could feel myself sinking further into her, and it was better than anything I’d ever felt before.

Sliding her hands down onto my ass, she started to wiggle.  “I wasn’t crying because it hurt Spence.  I was crying because I was happy, and I love you. Keep going.  Please? Please!"  As she finished talking, she pulled me down into her as hard as she could.  “PLEASE!”

The last of my control snapped like a brittle twig, and I surged back into her, marveling at her tightness and the little gasp of wonder she let out before she exclaimed, "Oh, that's good!"

Placing my hands on either side of her head, I gently started working my way in and out.  I went slowly, giving her time to get her bearings, letting out a choked groan as her insanely tight heat fluttered against my cock and her cries grew louder.  Our eyes were locked on to one another, both of us needing the extra connection.  If I could have gotten any closer to her, I would have.  She met me thrust for thrust, and when I felt myself bottom out in her, I damn near came right then.

Her tight heat kept releasing more and more of her cream onto me with every thrust, and I growled out loud from the sensation.  "Oh baby, you're so wet!"

I loved that she nodded her head in agreement, absolutely no shame in her arousal.  "I know. I can feel it Spence. It's amazing.  We're together, Spencer.  I feel everything… it's so much more."

She was right, it was so much more.  What she did to me was so far beyond the realm of my previous experiences that I was like putty. Leaning forward, I claimed her mouth again as I continued to thrust in and out slowly. Sliding my finger onto her clit, I gently rubbed in time with my thrusts.  Her keening cries let me know that she was well on her way to coming again.

"Jesus! How are you doing this to me? I thought I knew… but it’s so different when you’re inside.... OH! You're going to make me come again Spence!"

I needed to see my cock sliding in and out of her, so I pulled back to stare as I thrust a little faster.  Her scream of wonder, as she tightened around me and bathed me in slick cream as she came, sent me over the edge. I yelled out, my eyes rolling back as the strongest orgasm of my life ripped through my body like a tsunami.

I needed more, had to have her, and I couldn't stop thrusting.  That first orgasm was the tip of the iceberg, and I wasn't even close to softening.  I needed the connection too much to stop, wanted her too much to slow down.  My breathing sounded as rough as it does when I've just run for two hours, and sweat was dripping off of me but I didn't care.

"Turn over and get on your knees Delilah."

Chapter Eight: Delilah

I thought I knew my way around an orgasm.  He gave me four that first night in his bedroom and three last week, and I’ve been masturbating all week, but the feeling of coming with him inside of me was so intense I thought I might black out.

I shook and cried out as he helped me turn over to get on my knees, propping a pillow under my stomach.  I couldn't believe that he had more left in him, but in a way I understood. We were closer than we ever had been before, and I wanted to maintain the connection too.  He surpassed any and all expectations I'd ever have.  If I knew anything could ever feel this amazing, I'd have figured out a way to get him inside me ages ago.

He entered me from behind quick and hard, stretching me almost to the point of pain.  I clenched and yelped, trying and failing to remain coherent.  Bending forward more, I balanced my weight on my elbows, screaming out as I felt him slide impossibly deeper.  "Oh god Spencer, it's so deep this way!"

I heard the slap-slap-slap of him slamming against my ass with every thrust; his cock hitting something inside of me that had me flooding him with my arousal.  I couldn't even think he was in me so deep, our slick bodies banging against each other. The scent of us wafted through the air, making me wetter.

"Fuck, Delilah.  You're on fire angel.  I can't get inside of you far enough.  Need to come as deep inside of you as humanly possible. You're mine Delilah.  MINE.  I don't want anyone touching you. Tell me who you belong to."

Oh god, he knew this answer to that. He knew, and he couldn’t expect me to speak right now.  This wasn’t the time.  I've always been his and I always will be.  I just couldn't respond to that question because I knew I was right on the edge of something huge.

I cried out when he stopped and pulled out of me entirely.  "Do you hear me Delilah?  Tell me who you belong to."

I whimpered, a tear running down my face.  "You already know, damn you!  It's why I'm here!"

I felt him position himself at my opening again, my sex releasing another flood of cream in anticipation of being filled with him.

He didn't push forward though, and I cried out in agony.  "Please.  Spencer, please!"

Leaning forward, he kissed my back.  I felt him slide in a little bit, and I moaned as I clutched the comforter under me in a death grip.

"No Delilah.  Not until you say it.  Tell. Me. Who. You. Belong. To."

I screamed in frustration, trying to push back against him, but his hold on my waist was too firm.

"Not until you tell me, baby.  I need to know for sure, need to have the memory of you saying the words."

I was so needy that I wanted to scream, but he'd given me no choice but to answer.

"Dammit Spencer. YOU! I belong to you, always to you.  I'm yours. Always have been and always will be."

I heard his sharp intake of breath as I felt him slam into me. He hammered into me with a force and speed that blew my mind, and I started to quietly cry when I heard him saying, "Mine, always mine, always mine" over and over again almost under his breath, like he had to keep reassuring himself.  I loved that I'd given him something that I could clearly see mattered to him so much.

Sliding his hand under me, he rubbed my clit with a precision that made me scream out as I came so hard I thought I'd die. He yelled my name as he reached his own climax, and the fire of his release as he blasted my insides kept me coming and shivering around him for what felt like an eternity.

He collapsed on top of me, both of us out of breath.  We stayed connected, even as he rolled me over so that I was lying on top of him, my back to his chest as we both stared up at the ceiling. After a while our heartbeats evened out and our breathing returned to normal, and I soaked up the feeling of togetherness that hung in the air.

I clenched around him involuntarily as he rubbed my arms and massaged my shoulders.  His harsh intake of breath told me that he liked it, and I giggled because he was still rock hard inside of me. I had to wonder if that was normal, but apparently, with Spencer, it is.  I've never heard of a man not softening after, but Spencer wasn't stopping at all.  When he palmed my breasts and starts pinching my nipples, I clenched around him again, wiggling a bit as I gasped at the sensations that continued spreading out through my body.

"Shit Delilah.  You're going to be the death of me."

I had to chuckle at that.  "Same applies to you, Spencer.  I had no idea, and I can't help wanting more.  I like being connected like this.  It feels so damn good."

I moaned when he took hold of my hips and started sliding me back and forth on his rigid girth, the pace slower but no less intense.

"It's like you were made for me.  Do you feel that?  You've got everything I have Delilah, just like you were meant to."

I moaned because I could feel it, and I knew that even if he didn't realize it, he was telling me something much bigger than he knew. He realized that I was meant for him, that we were meant for each other. There isn't one part of me that he doesn't have either, filling me like he was born specifically to do so.

"Give me your hand angel."

I smiled when he said that, raising my hand so that we could link fingers.  I expected him to hold my hand while he made love to me, but he had different plans.  I cried out when he slid our joined hands down to my soaked cleft.

"Touch yourself with me.  I want to watch you do it later, all by yourself.  I love your hands, and I'm going to love watching them slide into your heat."

I was so wet from all of our orgasms that our fingers easily slid over my sex, spreading the heat of my arousal around.  I moaned and clenched as he pumped in and out of me, our fingers rubbing my clit.

"Tell me what feels better.  Up and down, like this?  Back and forth, like this? Or circles, like this?"

Every damn one of them felt amazing, but the little circles set my teeth on edge, and I moaned.

"I can feel that the answer is little circles.”

I cried out, "yes" as I shivered, completely taken with the experience.

His heady growl made my nipples pucker even more.  "Is this what you do in your bed, alone at night?  Do you think of me when you do it?"

It was insane how hot his voice made me, how much I loved what he was saying.  "Yes… god yes.  I think of you, only you, every time Spencer."

"I think of you every time I come too, Delilah, and I have for years." He said it with a growl as he moved his hand back to my waist to hold me tighter as he worked me up and down faster.  I was so sensitive, so swollen, that I knew it wasn't going to take much, and I let out a broken sob as I felt the telltale contractions start inside of me.

"That's right Delilah, come again for me baby. Rub that beautiful clit and clamp your little pussy around my cock. I love feeling you fucking squeezing me!"

"Unh! Oh god, Spencer!  I'm right there. Ahhh!"

I came so hard that I saw stars, but he didn't stop.  I wondered if he ever would.  When he said thirty days, did he mean thirty days of continuous non-stop connection?  I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to walk as it was, but if he wanted to keep going, I was staying with him all the way.

He slowed for a minute and then pulled out.  I cried out, missing the connection immediately. "Baby, turn around."

I turned around quickly, smiling when I saw his face again, looking perfect and beautiful, so beautiful, even covered in sweat from the intensity of our lovemaking.  He smiled at me too.  "Lift up on your knees and put me inside you again.  I'm not ready to stop yet.  Hell, I may never be ready to stop.  I'm apologizing now because you're going to be sore later.  We aren't going gently anymore, baby."

I cried out as I felt myself get wetter, my brain going a little haywire with the overload of emotions and sensations that were assailing me.  "I don't want gentle Spence, I just want you.  It feels so good. I had no idea..."

Grabbing his erection in my hand and positioning him at my opening, I started sliding down, letting him fill me again.  I wiggled when I got him all the way in, reveling in the sensation of being full of Spencer.  Keeping his elbows on the bed, he raised his hands up and wiggled his fingers.  I knew what he wanted, and I slid my fingers through his, holding on for dear life as I rode him.

The moment stretched out between us as we stared into each other's eyes.  'You're fucking wild Delilah.  We're fucking wild. Ride my cock and ride it hard."

Whimpering, I nodded as I picked up speed. The faster I moved, the closer I got to the edge. I cried out from the feeling of the friction we created, and he smirked.  He actually fucking smirked at me.

"Yeah angel, scream for me.  I love hearing you out of control like this."

I stuck my tongue out at him at the same moment I clenched my inner muscles as tight as humanly possible, not letting up.  His eyes went wide, his cock swelled inside of me, and his mouth opened as he screamed, "FUCK" at the top of his lungs as his release blasted into me.

His release triggered mine, and I held on just long enough to say, "I love hearing you out of control too!" before I went up in flames.

After that orgasm I was completely boneless, and I collapsed onto his chest with a huge smile on my face, still joined to him.  I finally felt him start to soften, and I giggled.  "Feels like you're finally spent."

I felt the rumble in his chest under my cheek when he chuckled. "I wasn't sure I could stop.  I hope you recover quickly, because I'm not sure that I'm done.  That was the wildest four hours of my entire life, and I want to do it again and again… and again."

I gasped and raised my head.  "Four hours?"  Looking around, I noticed that the light coming through the windows over the bed indicated that it was dusk out.  Holy hell, it's after seven! We got here just after three. Before I could censor myself I blurted, "Oh my god.  Is it always like that for everyone?  I've always heard the worst stories about first time sex… but if it gets any better than what we just did, I'm a little afraid to think about it."

He rubbed my back as he laughed.  "Far from it baby.  That right there was a seismic event that has never happened anywhere else on Earth, I assure you.  There are people who have been doing it for years that don't have a quarter of the heat we just created."

He lifted me off of him slowly, and the sensation of separating was so intense it was almost painful.  Throwing his head back, I saw the muscles in his chest and neck tighten and his jaw clench.  "Sorry baby.  If we stayed connected, I was going to start moving again.  You need time to adjust.  I think I already went too hard at you as it is."

I shook my head, understanding his logic but hating the reality.  "I feel so good when you’re with me.  Whenever you want to start moving again, I'm in.  I loved having you inside of me."

Chuckling, he stood up and then pulled me to my feet. "Miss Hart, have I created an orgasm addict?"

I laughed back at him, enjoying his silly mood.  "Mm… Mr. Cross.  You've definitely sparked an addiction for something."  I slid my hand onto his shaft, massaging the tip for a second.  I loved hearing his groan.

We both burst out laughing as he turned to pull me toward the bathroom before abruptly halting his steps. Noticing the shock on his face as he looked at the bed, I turned to see what he was looking at.  The blood on the fluffy white duvet was a reminder of what we'd done today. Turning to him, I pulled him into a tight hug before pulling back and staring up at him.  I know Spencer, and I knew the blood would cause him to panic, to question whether he did the right thing.

"This was, hands down, the best day of my life.  Thank you Spencer, for being everything I wanted.  I love you more than anything, and I always will."

He snapped out of it when I spoke, smiling reassuringly down at me.  "I love you too Delilah, more than anything.  Always."

Chapter Nine: Spencer

If it weren’t for the fact that I know that Dante and Damien would hate me if they ever find out what just happened here, today would be perfect.  Delilah is the person I love most, and is often the only color in a world of blah.  Being inside of her, connected, surpassed anything I’ve ever experienced before.  I didn’t think I could love her more, but that turned out to be dead wrong.  I love her even more now than I did this morning.  She’s got everything I am right in the palm of her hands, and she doesn’t even fully realize it.

I never made love until today.  Fucking has always been a sport to me. I’d find a girl and pound her for a few hours, then come to let off steam and head home.  Not Delilah. I felt what she felt the entire time I was inside of her, like we were in our very own infinity loop.  Everything I put out she accepted and gave back, and vice versa.  I thought I knew a lot about life, but that connection sliced me open in a heartbeat, ferociously and without mercy.  It turned out that while I might have known a lot, I knew nothing about anything so real.

Being with Delilah is as easy as breathing; a complete no brainer.  I don’t have to pretend I’m someone I’m not, and I’m not uncomfortable having her close.  She fits me.  After we showered, we’d headed out and got pizza before coming back home.  We curled up on the couch watching Final Destination, and I loved that she wasn’t grossed out by my love of horror movies.  If anything, she’s always been more into them than I am.

"Shit look at that Spence! What a disgusting way to die. This movie is awesome!"

Like I said, she's the perfect girl.

Once the movie was over, we straightened up and then made our way back to the bedroom.  I shucked my clothes and threw them in the hamper, leaving only my Calvin Klein briefs on before heading into the bathroom to brush my teeth.  Delilah was at the other sink, washing her face and brushing her teeth, and I wound up watching her as she went through her nightly ritual.  It felt absolutely right having her here.

I snapped out of it when she said, “You want to record this for posterity, or are you having a stroke?”

Couldn’t help it, I laughed out loud.  Any other girl would have pranced and preened and put on a show, but Delilah’s real.  She puts everyone else on Earth to shame for me.  There is no one who can equal her, no one who could even come close.

“I'm not having a stroke angel, but I was struck dumb for a second getting to watch you like this.  I wasn't thinking about recording it but hey, if you’re down with that, I can go get a video camera and…”

Her answer was a laugh followed by a smack on my arm. “Nah, I’m not into making an acting debut.  Sorry!”

I trailed behind her as she walked back into the bedroom, enticed by the sight of her legs and her little white nightie.  She’s a wet dream in the flesh, that’s for damn sure.  After pulling back the freshly laundered duvet, she plopped down on her side of the bed.

Shit.  I was already thinking of it as her side, and the bed that used to be mine had somehow become ours in my head. I guess that shouldn't have surprised me, considering the fact that when I bought the house, I did so with her in mind.

Climbing into the bed beside her, I turned off the lights and pulled her into my arms.  She was still visible in the pale moonlight, a vision of ethereal beauty in my bed and in my heart.  “How do you feel?"

Her throaty laugh tugged at my heartstrings.  “Mm.  I feel a little sore.  Never knew that making love was such a full body workout.”

That’s my girl.  No coquettish, “I feel fine, you stud” bullshit from her.  I asked her a question and got an honest answer.

“It’s only a full body workout when you’re doing it right.  We definitely did it right babe. I’m feeling the burn too, to be honest. I’m a little surprised either of us is functional right now.  Never went at it so intensely before.  You’re the only one to bring that out of me, Delilah.”

Smiling, she rubbed my cheek and then kissed me gently before pulling back.  “Glad we’re on the same page. Spencer, I have to tell you something, and I need to say it to you right now.”

Instinctively I knew that what she was going to tell me was going to be big, and my heart started to beat a little faster as I waited for her to share.

Putting her hand over my heart, she looked me in the eye and started to speak.  “I didn’t ask you to do this because I wanted to have sex.  I asked you because I wanted to share this with you, and only with you.  I’m in love with you Spencer and I have been for a long, long time.  I know you already had to have suspected, but I wanted to say the words to you.”

It was, hands down, the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard.  Putting my hand over hers, I gave her hand a gentle squeeze.  “I didn’t do this for any other reason than because I’m in love with you too, angel.”

Her answering smile could have powered an entire city.  Tilting her head up, she kissed me, almost like we were sealing a promise to each other. I kissed her back for a long time before pulling away.  “I love you Delilah.”

Snuggling closer, she curled up under my chin, wrapping her arms and legs around me.

“Love you too Spence, forever and always.”

I fell asleep wrapped in her, feeling her breath feather across my chest, my heart full to overflowing with joy.

***

Being with Delilah like this has opened my mind to the possibility of a future that I'd never dared to really dream about.  Sure, I'd fully realized that I wanted to be with her at some point, but I hadn't seen so clearly what we would be like.  Now I can't stop thinking about it. With each passing hour we're closer, more in tune with each other. While that would seem like it should be impossible, it's true.

Making love with Delilah is so beautiful.  She's hot, she's wild, she's uninhibited, and she's up for anything.  She's pulled things out of me, has taught me things about myself that I never knew were even possible.  It touches me to the depths of my soul when she says that I've done the same for her.  As young as she is in years, Delilah is more mature than people I know twice her age.

We were lying side by side on a beach blanket, soaking up the rays, having a discussion about where we would go from here.  Each of us was lying on our side so we could stare at each other.   We'd spent most of the morning discussing our future together.  Anyone less mature would have pouted about what we're going to have to do, but Delilah is a realist.  There is no way in hell that anyone in the family would tolerate us going all in right now, and trying to force the issue would only infuriate Dante and Damien.

"I almost wish we'd waited a little longer Delilah, so that there didn't have to be so much time before we can actually be together.  This month is going to pass too fucking quickly.  The next two years are really going suck.  I swear to god, I'll wait for you. I'm going to hope you wait for me too, but if you can't, I'll understand."

The look she gave me said that she was borderline insulted by that. "God, Spence… of course I'm going to wait for you.  I've always been waiting for you.  It'll be nothing, a blip on the radar.  Once I've graduated college, no one will have any problem with us being together.  I love you Spencer, and the rest of the family is going to be very happy that we're together.  You make me so happy baby."

I love hearing her say it, every damn time.  It will never get old.  "You make me crazy fucking happy too Delilah.  You're the best part of my life, hands down."

***

My cock was bathed in wet heat, and I jerked awake to find Delilah’s head between my legs.  Fucking amazing what she was learning to do with her mouth, and I surrendered myself to her as she took me to that place I’d never even known existed until I was with her. The room was still bathed in moonlight, and it lit her beautifully. I stared at her blonde head as she bobbed up and down, watched her fist work the bottom half of my dick that her mouth couldn’t reach, and I felt like the luckiest son of a bitch on earth that it was my cock in her hot little mouth.

I loved watching her, loved the feeling of her tongue learning every inch of my dick, loved the suction she focused on the tip every time she worked her way back there, but most of all I loved waking up to a reality better than any dream I’d ever had.

“Christ, Delilah! Your fucking mouth is so hot.  You're making me crazy.”

Popping off, she smiled at me.  The moonlight made her look even more like an angel than usual, all perfection and sweetness.

Jerking my cock, she started slowing her pace way down.  I groaned, trying to get her to pick up speed again.  “Baby? Don’t fuckin’ stop.”

The look she gave me was pure heat.  “Tell me who you belong to.”

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I couldn’t help but gape at her. I’m a total pushover for her.  Always have been, always will be.  She makes me happy in a way I can’t put into words.  I’ve said the words, told her that I’m in love with her. She had to know, beyond any shadow of a doubt by now, that I was hers.

Gently licking the top of my shaft, she made me crazy by applying just enough tongue to get me harder, but not enough to make me come.  “Say it Spencer.  Tell. (lick) Me. (suck) Who. (lick) You. (lick) Belong. (long, slow lick) To. (suck)

She had me in that moment, from heart to balls, and everywhere in between.

“You! I fucking belong to you Delilah.”

My reward was a smile, and a kiss on the inside of each of my thighs.  “That’s right, and don’t you ever forget it.”

With that, she turned her attention back to sucking me like only she can.

She tongued me faster, sucked the tip with more force and gently massaged my balls.  Her mouth was the perfect storm, and I couldn’t hold off any longer. I let go with a hoarse cry as I exploded into her mouth, pulsing hot and hard as she swallowed every drop.

She fucking swallowed, and I couldn’t believe how strongly that turned me on.  Most girls spit, or jerk a guy so that he’ll shoot somewhere that isn’t into their mouth, but my angel swallowed. She took it all, and then she licked me from the tip of my cock to my balls, looking for anything she might have missed. Right then, right at that moment, I fell even more under her spell.

Fuck.  How much deeper is it possible to fall in love with someone?

Forcing my mind away from deep thoughts, I pulled her on top of me and slid inside of her insanely tight heat again, making us both forget about anything more than the feeling of being together.

Chapter Ten: Delilah

Making love with Spencer opened up a whole new world to me, and to him too.  After our balls out insane middle of the night sex marathon, we’d curled up in each other’s arms, totally sated.  I fell asleep with the taste of him on my tongue, the marks of his passion all over my body and the product of his release deep inside of me. I know Spencer in a totally new way these days, and I feel his ownership of me to my core.  I started out the weekend just plain Delilah, but I was ending it Spencer’s Delilah, and it felt damn good.

When I heard my cell phone ping, I reached out to the bedside table to grab it.  I smiled when I saw that it was a text from Dominique.

Dominique: You awake?

Me: Just.

Dominique: Well? How was the weekend?

Me: Amazing.

Dominique: How was the sex, scale of 1-10?

Me: 52

Dominique: Holy shit! Really?

Me: 52 is SERIOUSLY under stating it. I’m so wild for him I almost can't explain it.  I've had more orgasms in the last two days than I thought I'd have this whole month.  He's amazing.

Dominique: Ew.  I love you, love him, but ew.  I so don't see him that way.  Still, I’m glad one of us got a good first time.  Mine was a 2. Ha ha.

Not for the first time, I wondered about Dominique’s sexuality.  I asked her once when we were in ninth grade if she liked girls.  She was so pissed off I thought she was going to smack me.  She hooked up with a lot of guys after that, but it always felt forced to me.  I wish that if she were gay, she’d just tell me already.

Me: I'm glad you don't see him that way. He's mine. But you need to find someone worthy!  You haven't had sex since then. Stop kissing frogs and then get down to it.

Dominique: You're right, he's totally yours.  Always has been.  Not all of us get a Spencer, Delilah.  You’re just lucky.

Me: Someday you’ll be lucky too.  Just wait!

Dominique: Hope so.  Be bad, see you later, night.  Give Spence a hug for me.  Love ya!

Me: Love you too.

From behind me, I felt Spencer shift.  “Fifty-two huh?  Damn, Delilah.  You know how to make a guy happy.”

Grabbing a pillow, I turned and thumped him with it.  “You little sneak! You were spying on me.”

He laughed as he pulled me into his arms.  “I was going to tell you I was awake, but once she asked for a rating I figured I’d best let you give the score.  Not my fault the score made me hard as hell and desperate to come inside of you again.”

Just.

Like.

That.

That’s all it took.  I groaned, wiggling against him.  He growled in my ear as he lifted my leg and entered me gently from behind.  He filled me slowly, giving me time to stretch and accommodate him.  I shivered at the sensation, completely addicted to the feeling of being stretched and filled with him, connected on every level. I loved it more than anything I’d ever felt before in my life, hands down.  Nothing else even came close.

The rest of our weekend passed in a haze of wild and intense love making, on the bed, in the shower, on the couch, on the floor, in the kitchen and against the living room wall. There was nowhere that he wouldn’t take me, no place that I didn’t want to be taken.

He dropped me off at my apartment later that night filled with his come after an insane session on the hood of his car.  Like I said, there was nowhere that he wouldn’t take me, and just like every other time, I loved him with a smile on my face and wonder in my heart.

We met every night for the next thirty days.  Every night, even when I had my period and we couldn’t do anything.  He wanted me sleeping in his bed even then, and I did it without hesitation.  Those four days were really the only time that I got real sleep during the thirty days.  Otherwise, we used every hour, every moment, to explore each other.  We were hot, wild and insatiable, and we took each other like maniacs.

As wild as we are together, as in love with him as I am, I know he’s really going to let me have it tonight because the month is up.  I know it, and I’m not going to fight him.  We both knew there was a time limit on this, and it’s a large part of the reason we’ve fucked like rabbits.  This time together needs to provide us with memories when we can’t be anymore.

Dominique says that I’m crazy, and she wants me to put my foot down and fight for Spencer now, tell our brothers to chill out, but I just know that isn’t the way to go.  In my heart, I know that Spencer and I will wind up together.  But the truth is we just aren’t there yet.  I’m twenty and still in college.  He’s twenty-four and he's best friends with my two crazy over protective brothers.  Neither of us is ready to let them know what’s going on between us.  When it comes right down to it, the timing isn’t right.  Not yet.

I know it sounds crazy to let the man I love go, but I know, deep in my soul, that holding him to me now could break us up later, and I’m in it for the long haul with him. It would break him to have my brothers angry with him, and they would be if we came out as a couple right now.  That's the last thing that Spencer needs.

I also don't think he's ready to move forward. For all his joking and laughs, Spencer carries something painful inside of him.  Until he can deal with whatever it is that haunts him, he can’t take the plunge with me. Whatever it is that tortures him, it’s the one place he’s never allowed me to go with him, so I know it’s bad.  I also know that if I started pushing him for answers, it would hurt him.  Spencer never lies to me, and he’d tell me the truth, no matter what it cost him.  I couldn’t live with that, so I always tread carefully around it.  Even when we were kids, I knew not to push him for an explanation for why he hurt.  When he’s ready, he’ll let me in.  I believe that with all of my heart.  This being our last night together hurts me, and I know it hurts him too.  We just aren’t there yet, and pretending that we are would do more harm than good.

I went all out for tonight, buying the sexiest lingerie I could lay my hands on.  I’m buffed and polished, waxed, plucked, and pampered from head to toe, and I even took a nap because I know that neither of us would want to waste a minute tonight.

He picked me up at my apartment just after six, and I climbed into his Porsche Panamera with a smile.  Instead of immediately driving away, he pulled me to him and claimed my mouth in a kiss.  Our tongues dueled in the rhythm we both love, and I moaned into his mouth as he started to pull away.

“I’ve been hard for you for hours.  The second we get home, I’m dropping you on my cock and riding the fuck out of you Delilah.  I’ve never needed you as bad as I do now baby.”

I smiled, even as my mind whirled and my heart constricted painfully in my chest.  He’s never been so desperate because he knows this is it, at least for a while.  I know we need to hold to the agreement, but even I don’t know how we’ll survive it.  Not with how close we are even without all the amazing sex.

The car pulled into the waning daylight, and I stared out the window as we got onto the freeway.  Before too long we were pulling into his driveway, and I jumped out of the car without waiting for him to open the door for me.  Our eyes connected over the roof of the car, and staring at him I said one word.  “Hurry!”

We ran like two crazy idiots to his front door.  He had it open in seconds, and the two of us were stripping our clothes off before the door was fully closed behind us.  I got my shirt and my bra off.  After he took his shirt off, he pulled his zipper down and took his cock out.  My mouth watered when I saw it and I whimpered.  Bunching my skirt up to my waist, he lifted me up against him, growling at me to wrap my legs around his waist.  I complied with a moan as he pushed my panties to the side and speared me with one hard thrust.

As incredibly muscular as he is, I sometimes forget how much strength he possesses.  I gave thanks for it right then as he effortlessly lifted me up and down on his rigid length as I cried out with pleasure.  The slapping sounds we created as we made love made me wetter than ever, and I leaned forward to bite his lower lip as he continued lifting and then dropping me onto him.  I was in the vortex, crazy for the feeling of him pummeling me.  He was lodged so deep that each time he dropped me down onto his cock I swear I could feel him in my throat.

“Fucking love you on my dick, Delilah.  Love pounding your sweet heat.  Love feeling your cream all over me.  Love your taste.  Love everything that makes you, you.  I can’t be gentle tonight baby.  Going to fuck you everywhere, fill you up with come.  If I do it right, neither of us is going to be walking tomorrow.”

I screamed out as he fucked me harder than he ever had before, his usual reserves giving way to a base carnal instinct that superseded any thoughts of being gentle.  It took me to a place I hadn’t gone to yet.  It felt amazing as he stretched me, and it bordered on real pain.  In other words, it was perfect.  I clenched around him like a fist, and he lifted me and dropped me faster, hitting something inside of me with each thrust that was making me lose my breath and my mind as he kept to that rhythm. I screamed when my orgasm arrived, hitting me so hard that my vision started to get blurry and I almost passed out.  “Unh.  Unh. Unh.  SPENCER!"

I was wild, incoherent, brought down to the most primal sexual level possible.  Nothing existed but the two of us, and I was hammered by sensation. He was so perfect for me that it hurt to think about it too much.  This love was huge, bigger than anything, and all encompassing.  There was no part of me that wasn’t completely his, no little sliver that wasn’t open to his possession.  I wanted him to have everything, and I gave it to him as a gift.  The fact that he gave me all of himself right back gave me a feeling of love that I can’t describe.

His thrusts somehow picked up more speed, hitting the spot inside of me at fever pitch. I wondered if we would combust, if we could survive the ride.  I definitely felt like steam was coming off us.  “I’m going to fill you with come baby. You ready?”

I couldn’t talk so I just nodded my agreement as I buried my face in his neck, biting down hard on his shoulder as he came with an animalistic wail, filling me in deep and hot with his come. The feeling was so intense that it pulled me straight into another orgasm that threatened to take my sanity with it.

It never got any less intense over the course of the hours that followed.  We took each other again, and again, and again, and again.  Spencer only allowed us to do missionary and me on top, and I knew he did that so that he could watch me the entire time.  I didn’t mind one bit.  I needed to watch him too.

I ached in the best way as he dropped me off back at my apartment the following morning.  The mood in the car was heavy, both of us wishing that things were different. When he parked, he started to speak, but I turned to him and brushed his cheek with my hand.

“Before you say anything, I have some things I want to say to you.  The first thing I want to say is thank you.  I love you Spencer, more than anyone in the world.  The things we’ve shared and done together in the last thirty days only made me love you more.  This was a month out of time, and I love that you gave me this.  I know you Spence, in some ways better than I know myself.  Thank you for staying open this month, for not pushing me away during the times you got scared.  I’m not stupid, and I know things are going to be different now as we adjust, but I also know that we’re closer than we were thirty days ago. I’m always safe when I’m with you, always the best version of myself. You make me happy Spencer, and I’ll always love you for sharing this with me.”

My heart broke for him, for both of us really, when I saw a lone tear escape from his eye.  I leaned forward and kissed it away, swallowing hard to hold in my own tears.  We sat in silence for a minute, forehead to forehead while he pulled himself together.

“You don’t ever need to thank me.  You’re the one that gave me the gift, and you don’t even know it. I love your family Delilah, and I give thanks for them every day.  But I can’t deny that I’ve always loved you best, and I always will.  You’re the only person in my entire life that ever chose me.  Not because we had fucked up parents and we needed each other to survive, not because we went to the same school, not even because of proximity. You chose me before you knew anything about me.  You see what’s fucked up in me, and you love me in spite of that, and I know for damn sure you’re the only girl I’m ever going to love.  I know I have to let you go now, need to let you spread your wings, but I’m always here baby.  I’d crawl through a four-alarm fire to get to you Delilah, and I wouldn’t care if I got burned.  You only ever need to tell me you need me and I’m there.  Truth is, a lot of times I’m going to be there whether you indicate you need me to be or not. I’m going to try my hardest to not be an overbearing ass, but I can’t promise.”

I chuckled at that.  At least he knew his faults.  “To me, nothing is fucked up in you, Spencer.  You're perfect because you were made for me.  I love you so much, and I’ll try hard not to be a jealous shrew for the next two years.

That pulled him up short, and he swallowed hard.  “Delilah… no one holds a candle to you.  They didn’t before and they sure as shit can’t ever hope to now that I know what it’s like to feel.  They’re just bodies. It isn’t real because it isn’t you. We just have to get through these two years.  Once you've graduated, I'm coming for you. No matter what happens between now and then, I will always belong to you baby.”

I hated the thought of him touching other women, and even more I hated the idea of him being inside of them.  It helped to know that it isn’t the same for him when he was with other women.  They might have him for a minute, but they’ll never HAVE him.  He’s mine.

I kissed him, pouring all of my love into it.  When I pulled back, I smiled.  “I didn’t lie when I said I was yours either.  Always.”

With that, I got out of the car and ran inside to collapse on my couch and cry.

Chapter Eleven: Spencer

Everything is duller, less interesting, boring.  I took the few days I had before Damien came home to get my shit together.  I suppose I did a passable job on the outside, but inside, I missed her terribly.  I missed sleeping with her, I missed holding her, missed her scent, her taste, her smile, the sound she makes when she’s thinking something funny, the mess she creates when she cooks, and the happiness she leaves a trail of anywhere she goes.  I missed holding her hand and staring into her eyes the most.

It doesn’t change the fact that she’s twenty years old.  If she was twenty-one… maybe Dante and Damien would keep their shit in check.  But there is no way they would do so now.  I’m going to have to reel it in, and the idea of the years that stretch out before me until I can make a move makes me ill.  A lot can happen in two years.  I can only pray that she won’t find anyone that will take her away from me forever.  I know I'm easily replaceable, but Delilah is in a class all of her own in my heart.  No one will draw me in like she does, and I know that with a deep down certainty.

Once Damien was back for a few weeks, I couldn’t put it off any longer, and I went out at a bar with Damien and Dante.  We were all there on the prowl, and I knew that I’d be going home with someone.  I was anxious just to do it already, to get it over with.  I ruled every blonde on Earth out before I even walked in.  I can’t replace her, and I’m not going to try.

After about an hour, I met a woman who was the physical opposite of Delilah, and it relaxed me enough that I was able to go home with her.  I spent the rest of the night fucking her in the most lackluster performance of my life.  I struggled to come, and wound up using the memory of Delilah sucking my cock to get off.  The only thing that saved me from coming off like a total bastard was that I made sure that the girl came multiple times.  I left her sated and happy when I went home. I ran into the bathroom and showered as I struggled not to scream.

Two more years.  I hoped I could survive.

***

We made it through the first few months, and it was harder than I could ever possibly have imagined.  Once I knew what it felt like to have her where she belonged, continuing without her by my side threatened to destroy me at times.  The saving grace in all of it was that I knew it was very hard on her as well.  If she didn't feel the same, it would have gutted me.  A few weeks after we stopped, I could see how fragile she was and it almost killed me.  I went to her and told her I’d tell Damien and Dante, consequences be damned, but she put her foot down and stood strong.  She’s gotten better since then, and it’s the only thing that keeps me sane.

Damien's still fucking everything that walks, but I'd gotten sneaky about the fact that I'm not.  If he sees me leaving the club with someone, he assumes I'm taking them home to fuck.  I'm not a monk, and I am fucking some of them, but I'm down to maybe two of those meaningless trysts a month at most. After years of anything-goes fucking, the irony that I find it damn hard to come when I'm completely disengaged from the person I'm having sex with doesn't escape me.  My fist is my permanent sidekick, and it's something I will endure until I can have Delilah back.

It's Christmas Eve, and I'm looking forward to spending more time tomorrow with the family… Delilah in particular.  I bought her a ring that will match the diamond heart necklace.  I saw Damien raise an eyebrow at me when he saw it, but he didn't say anything so I stayed silent.  I'm just damn lucky that he didn't look close enough to realize that it was inscribed with the words Delilah and I have always said to each other.  I love you more than anything, always.  I'd been prepared to explain it, but was just as happy not to.

We’d eaten Christmas Eve dinner together as a family, and I had only just gotten home to settle in for the night.  I'd just started some microwave popcorn when I heard my doorbell ring.  When I opened the door, and saw Delilah standing before me wearing a drop dead sexy red dress and a Santa hat, I thought I was dreaming.

"Angel?"

She'd caught me off guard and she loved it.  Putting her finger on my chest, she pushed me into the house so that she could enter.  After turning and locking the door, she turned to face me again.

"I've got a gift for you to open when we're all together in the morning, but I wanted you to have your real gift tonight."

Every ounce of blood in my body pooled in my cock as she took off the Santa hat and tossed it at me before grabbing the hem of her dress and pulling it over her head.  She stood before me like the goddess that she is, wearing only my heart necklace, a matching red bra and thong set and a pair of black thigh highs.

Giving thanks to my lucky stars, I grabbed her hand and dragged her down the hall to my bedroom. "Oh baby… you're the best gift EVER."

I'd missed the ability to hold and kiss her the most, and as soon as we got to my room I sat on the bed and pulled her onto my lap so that we could kiss.  Kissing her again was even better than I remembered, and I loved that I could feel that the whole thing was as intense for her as it is for me.

We clung together for countless minutes, completely lost in the taste of each other.  I reveled in the heat and warmth of her mouth, the smooth glide of her tongue against mine, the taste that is hers, and hers alone.

I groaned into her mouth when she fisted her hands in my hair and started wiggling on top of me.  "I've missed having you like this so much," she whispered.  "I need you inside me now."

She yanked down my flannel lounge pants just enough to get my hard cock out, and I groaned when I felt her hands start running up my shaft over and over again, in tandem.

Leaning against my forehead, she touched her tongue to my lips.  "Baby, come inside."

I didn't need to be asked twice.  Lifting her up, I pushed her panties aside and then rubbed the tip of my cock against the ridiculously wet and hot entrance to her pussy.  I groaned at how ready she was, thanking my lucky stars that she was as hot for this as I was.  Holding my shaft in my hand, I looked her in the eyes as I rasped, "Slide down on this and ride, Delilah. I'm all yours."

It felt so goddamn good when she started sliding me into her wet heat that I'm pretty sure my eyes started to cross.  Throwing my head back, I groaned.  "It feels so fucking good. You're so damn tiny that I have to really work to get it all in."

With a breathy little moan, she shook her head. "It's not me, it's you. I asked around you know.  What you've got isn't average or normal."

Leave it to Delilah to make me laugh, seriously fucking laugh, during sex.  "What are you saying here, that I'm a freak?"

She laughed back at me as she nodded.  "Yes, but I love it.  I'm a lucky girl."

The way she clenched around me as she said it made my heart seize up in my chest, and I jerked inside of her. The gush of cream I felt her release on my dick told me that what we were doing felt just as amazing to her, and I held onto her hips as I started moving her up and down with increased speed.

My bedroom was filled with the sounds of us furiously loving each other, and it was an insane turn on.  "Fuck! I'm not going to last long angel."

She nodded at me as she picked up speed.  "I'm not either."

The way her pussy was fluttering around me spoke the truth of that statement, as well as the flush that had spread from her chest into her cheeks.  Leaning back just so, she gripped my thighs as she moved even faster and I watched in wonder as she started coming apart on top of me.  "Yes! Oh god, yes Spencer! Unh!"

I couldn't hold out against the pressure she was putting on my cock, and I came with a loud shout at the exact moment she cried out that was coming.

Nothing in my life had ever felt so perfectly fucking right.

We made love three more times during the night, alternately cuddling and talking.  I gave her everything I had, and she reciprocated in kind.  I slept better than I had in months with her curled around me.

In the morning, we got up while it was still dark out and made love again.  Afterwards, I went to her car, and got her overnight bag so that she could get ready for Christmas breakfast at Dante's.  We showered together, and then I got to watch her get ready to go.  I loved sharing space with her, loved being part of her daily routine.

When she was finished, I grabbed her overnight bag from the bed to take it back to the car.  Tut-tutting, she came and laid her hand on my chest. "Christmas isn't over baby.  I'm staying tonight too, if that's okay?"

Was it okay? It was fucking better than okay.  "Hell yes angel! Now that's a fucking gift."

We drove together to Dante's, telling everyone that she'd come to my house this morning so that we could go together.  No one even raised an eyebrow.  It's expected that we'll always have a very close relationship.  The only thing that would start shit at this point would be if everyone figured out just how close we are these days.

Almost the entire family was there when we arrived.  We were just waiting on Damien, so we all sat in the living room together to talk.  Dante turned on the twenty-four hours of 'A Christmas Story' marathon, and we all got sucked into watching while we waited.  It's been a family Christmas tradition for many years.

Damien came running in about twenty minutes later.  "Sorry! I got a call from Mike this morning about the Sherman Oaks build being unsecured.  We had to do a quick inventory to make sure that nothing was missing."  Looking at Dante and Aunt Sandra, he held up his hand.  "Don't worry, everything was there.  We think it was some kids just fucking around getting drunk."

We gathered around the family table to eat Christmas breakfast, and when we were finished we headed to the tree to start opening gifts while Aunt Sandra took pictures like a paparazzo.  After spending the beginning part of our lives never getting Christmas or birthday gifts, we tend to go all out.

Aunt Sandra always buys us all an obscene amount of clothes and socks and underwear.  "This is what normal parents would have done," she always says, "and now that I'm around, you get normal."  We all had a blast going through the candy and toiletry filled Christmas stockings that she'd put together for us, too.

Dante gave us all an itinerary for a family trip to Hawaii in the spring, which made the girls go wild with joy.  Dominique bought Dante, Damien and me an XBOX 360 each, with a bunch of games, along with gold memberships to play with each other online, while she gave Aunt Sandra and Delilah each the newest iPhone, as well as a diamond bracelet for each of them.

Damien had gotten us all fun presents, just like he always does.  His first gift was for the group; a weekend in New York City this coming February, which included tickets to see a Broadway show and Dane Cook at Madison Square Garden. He'd also gotten us all our own individual funny gifts.  For me, the entire Looney Toons collection on DVD, for Delilah a light bright and a collection of Rom Com DVDs, for Dominique rock em' sock em' robots and a karaoke machine, for Aunt Sandra an entire collection of Saturday Night Live DVDs and for Dante a bunch of comedy CDs.

I enjoyed handing out my gifts.  I'd gotten Dante and Damien season tickets for the Lakers, a necklace for Aunt Sandra that had a family tree made of diamonds with leaves that were all of our birthstones on it, a floating diamond necklace and matching earrings for Dominique.  Delilah loved her ring, and I puffed up with pride when she put it on.

She handed out her gifts last.  She'd gotten Aunt Sandra a new SLR camera and a beautiful key fob that she'd had engraved with the words 'Mama San.'  For Dante she'd gotten a beautiful pair of diamond cufflinks and tickets to the coming Green Day concert, for Damien a custom boogie board and a leather jacket.  For Dominique she'd gone all out with a matching necklace, bracelet and earring set from Tiffany's, and two pairs of UGG boots.  She gave me my gift last.  It was a beautiful silver watch, and I loved that it was something I could wear every day.

I pulled her aside when I had a chance, and showed here the inscription in her ring.  She started laughing even as she got choked up.  "Take your watch off and read the back."

She'd had my watch engraved as well, and it said the exact same thing I'd had put inside her ring. No gift that I'd ever gotten in my entire life had ever touched me so deeply.

We spent the rest of the day with the family watching 'White Christmas' and 'It's a Wonderful Life', capping off the day with a huge ham dinner.  It was a perfect family day, and we all laughed and talked and laughed some more, enjoying the time we spent together.

When it was over, I got to take Delilah home with me for another night, and that was the best gift of all.

***

It was tough separating from her again after Christmas.  I missed her terribly, and I wished that time would pass quicker.  I hated being away from her, hated the way time seemed to stand still.  Hated more that I continued to fuck other girls from time to time, all the while praying she wasn’t doing the same.  Nothing quite as pathetic as a double standard, I know.

Eventually I got as used to it as I could, and things started to improve. The thing that made any of it bearable was that I still got to see her every Sunday, and that we talked, texted and emailed constantly.  We didn’t often talk about “us” or what happened, (we both agreed that it was too painful to talk about all of the time), but we talked about almost everything else. We, (she), decided that coming together at Christmas had made the ache worse, and we decided to ride it out until she graduated.

"I thought I had control of it Spence… but leaving again damn near killed me all over again.  I don't know that I could do it again."

I agreed with her, even though it hurt.  We were really chancing getting caught anyway.

She’s still the brightest spot in my life.  Always has been, always will be.

Things kept changing, and life was totally different than it used to be.  There were new additions to the family, and they came in the form of the Tyler sisters.

The eldest Tyler girl, Sabrina, broke Dante like a bad habit.  He’s bowed out of the player’s game, and that left Damien and I.  Dante was always the most responsible, the one who felt the most, (even if he never admitted it) so once I got used to seeing him with Sabrina, I wasn’t surprised that he went all in and asked her to marry him.

It’s great to see Dante so happy.  My man Damien, on the other hand… He’s thrown a real fucking wrench into shit.  Aside from my love for Delilah, the worst kept secret in the family is that Damien has totally gone for the youngest Tyler girl, Brooke.  Not sure what’s going on, and he’s not saying a word.  Delilah and Dominique have become best friends with Brooke, but the girls say that she isn’t saying a word about what’s going on with Damien either, even though it’s very clear that something is happening.  I’ve actually been brainstorming with the girls on ways that we can get the two of them to admit that they are crazy fucking in love with each other, but so far, we haven’t had any good ideas.

I was so excited that we were in the home stretch.  There were less than six weeks until Delilah’s graduation, and I was counting down the days.

I couldn’t fucking believe it when Dante mentioned to me that he’d run into Delilah and someone she was dating at a restaurant.  He told me he'd seen the two of them holding hands, and it damn near killed me. I’m not sure how I sat through that conversation with him, because in my head I was screaming in agony.

How the hell could that be happening?  I’m out with Delilah at least two nights a week!  She never once said a word about a boyfriend.  Like the pathetic fool that I am, I went and asked her who she was seeing.  Delilah would never lie, and she told me the truth.  His name is Eric, and they’ve been seeing each other casually for a few weeks.  When I asked her if she fucked him, she shook her head and said no, not yet. When she started to cry, I knew that meant that she really wanted to, and I died inside. I kept my shit together and told her it was okay, held her while she bawled.  I knew without her saying another word that she’d moved on, that she wasn’t waiting for me anymore.  Once her tears were under control, I all but ran from her apartment.

When I got home that night, I sat on my couch with a bottle of scotch and, for the first time I could ever remember doing so, I cried my fucking eyes out as my heart broke.  After I passed out in a drunken stupor, I dreamed about her underneath every nameless faceless little punk on the UCLA campus, and it made me fucking sick.

After that, a depression set over me that was damn near impossible to shake off.  I’d lost her, and I didn’t know how to move on.  Most days, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.  How had we gotten this close to the finish line only to lose it?

***

The night that all my bullshit caught up with me, I was with Damien at a club in Hollywood.  The two of us were totally miserable, but I was really taking the cake.  I’d been struggling to put one foot in front of the other ever since I realized that Delilah was with someone else, and I hadn’t gotten my shit back together yet.

I’d hoped he hadn’t noticed, but that was a dumb thing to hope.  Aside from Delilah, Damien knows me better than anyone on Earth.

There were beautiful girls everywhere, and many of them seemed to think there was a homing beacon on my cock.  My cock and I weren’t feeling it, and I sat sullenly at the bar.  It’s impossible to keep up the charade when you know you’re alone, that you’re never going to have a shot at happiness.

Thoughts like that weren’t making me feel so hot, and that made it easy for Damien to pick out that there was a problem.  He threw in the towel at the club after an hour, telling me that it wasn’t worth even being there if I was going to act like it was the fucking morgue.  I think that’s true, but the other reason was because he wasn’t into the game himself.

I figured we’d head our separate ways, but when we got into the lot he told me he was going to follow me home for a chat.  I assumed he was going to bitch me out for being such a downer, then tell me that he was worried.  I spent my drive home getting my game face on.

The second we walked through my front door, my game plan went to shit.  He threw it out there right away.

“Clearly something is seriously fucking bringing you down.  I’ve seen nothing happen so I had no fucking clue as to why you’re like a ghost of your former self.  You’ve never been this down Spence, not ever.  You’re scaring the shit out of me.  I went to Dante and asked if he knew what the fuck was going on.  He didn’t say anything, at least not at first.  But after I badgered him, he admitted that he’d told you he saw Delilah out with some guy and that you looked like someone had shot you in the stomach.  It didn’t take a genius to figure it out from there.  I've suspected for a long time, but now I'm sure.  You’re in love with Delilah.”

I thought I’d die right then and there.  The feeling of dread that overcame me was overwhelming.  All I could think was that Damien was going to tell me that I wasn’t good enough for his sister.  Damien, better than anyone, knows what a perverted fucking asshole I’ve been in the decade since we both lost our virginity to Marnie George on the sixteenth hole of our country club golf course.  She was a senior, we were freshman, and she fucked us both for the first time on the same night.  Our sex lives only got crazier from there.

Swallowing the knot in my throat, I nodded.  “Yes.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, he nodded back at me.  “What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” I said.  “She’s got a boyfriend.  It’s serious enough that she's going to have… it’s serious.”

He nodded at me again.  “Fuck Spence that's not…  Damn.  Then I guess we don’t need to have this conversation. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

I could have been a coward and let it go at that, but I didn’t.  “No, we don’t need to have the conversation.  I’d hoped that when she graduated from college that we would have the conversation, but all of that’s different now. For the record, I’m in love with her and I would never have hurt her.  All this,” I said as I gestured around me, “all the bullshit we’ve done, it wouldn’t have touched her, not ever.  I would never have behaved like this with her.  I know you probably hate me for this, and you don’t think I’m good enough for her.  It doesn’t even matter now anyway, but I’ve always loved her.  I’ll be a good friend, and I’ll do all the right things when she brings this guy home.  It’ll fucking destroy me, but I’ll do it for her.”

The look he gave me was one of shock.  “Dude, come on! That’s crazy. I don’t hate you.  I think you’re plenty good enough for her. If anything, you’re the only person I’d trust with her.  Always knew she loved you more than anything else.  She said it so often that I knew she wasn’t fucking around.  I’m sorry that she’s with someone else.  I didn’t see that one coming.”

That he said he didn’t hate me was like a weight off my shoulders, but the fact that he thought I was good enough for his sister got me all choked up.  I didn’t realize until right that moment how much his approval meant to me.  It’s a damn shame that it doesn't matter now.

***

Talking about Damien and Brooke is an easy way to avoid talking to Delilah about anything really meaningful.  These last few weeks, knowing that she’s with someone else… it’s been like hell on earth.  I can’t talk to her about it, and every time she brings it up, I cut her off. I just can’t hear about him.  I’m losing my mind as it is.  I know it’s frustrating her, but I just can’t.  Not yet, and maybe not ever.  I’m already thinking in terms of transferring to another one of the Hart branches, possibly the one in Greece.  I can’t stay and watch her love someone else.

Right now, my issues with Delilah are secondary to my concern about Dominique.  I’m frustrated with myself, I’m upset that Damien is struggling, but at least I know what’s up with him.  With Dominique, I have no idea.  Even worse, Delilah has no real idea either.  She says she has a thought, but she doesn’t want to share it unless Dominique confirms it one way or the other.

Dominique is totally closed off, which is bizarre.  She and Delilah haven’t lived together since their time in the dorms in freshman year.  During their second year, Delilah had pledged one fraternity and Dominique had pledged another, and the two of them separated. Delilah now has her own apartment, and Dominique has her own as well.  I know that it hurts Delilah that Dominique is around less, but until Dominique feels like explaining, nothing’s going to change.

I was sitting at my desk thinking about Dominique and what was going on when my desk phone rang.

“Spencer Cross.”

From the sound of the breathing, I knew it was my mother before she even spoke.  My stomach plummeted four hundred stories in five seconds flat.

“I’m delighted that you’ve kept the name Cross.  I thought those people would have forced you to change your name to Hart by now.”

Gritting my teeth, I took as deep of a breath as I could.  “Those people are my family, mother.  Don’t insult them.  And unlike my own family, they’ve never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do.  Why are you calling?”

It was a good question, and I dreaded the answer.  I hadn’t heard from my mother in almost two years, and I was just fine with that.  She doesn’t have one motherly bone in her body.  Hell, she doesn’t have one caring bone in her body.  If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve seen photos of her pregnant, I’d swear she was a reptile and that she stole me from someone else.  My mother is a dish best served cold, or not at all.

“I’m calling because I don’t feel well.  You can’t think I’ll live forever, right?  I know I’ve not been mother of the year, but I’m the only one you’ve got.  I’d like to look at my son before I leave this Earth, to tell you how sorry I am.”

My mother doesn’t do contrite, so her assertion that she wanted to apologize had me pulling the phone away from my ear to stare at it in confusion.

“What do you mean you don’t feel well?  Have you been to the doctor?”

She made an inelegant noise, indicating that she hadn’t.  “You know how your father is about illness, and he’s only gotten worse. He doesn’t allow for doctor visits.”

As much as I dislike her, that got to me.  I remember what it felt like to be trapped under his control.  Terrified to move or breathe out of place, trying to stay silent and still.  To this day, I wake up in a cold sweat remembering his hands on me, his mouth, and his miserable excuse for a dick rubbing against me.  “If you don’t let me touch you, Big Mike’s already told me I can touch Dante or Damien.  Whichever one strikes my fancy.  Don’t think I won’t do it boy.  And with them, I could do more...”

Later, when that started not working, he threatened to touch the girls.  I’ll never forget the sight of him and their father leering at the two of them like they were meat. I started working out the next day, and I’ve never looked back.

Snapping back into the present, I asked her, “If you don’t feel well, why not shove past him and go to the doctor?  I’ve never known him to restrain you before.”

“Things have changed, my darling.  He’s letting me have a party though, this weekend.  I’d like you to come.  I won’t make you stay, I promise.  But I’d like to talk to you while I still can.”

I’m not sure what the fuck I was thinking.  Shit, maybe I wasn’t.  Somehow, she’d worked her head games on me, and the next thing I knew, I’d agreed to go.

Chapter Twelve: Delilah

I thought I’d go crazy for the entire first year after the thirty days of Spencer loving were up.  I missed him, the feel of him, the ability to hold and love him, and the feelings that our being together evoked.  I dreamed of being with him damn near every night, and it made me nuts.  There were a lot of bad days that first year.

I knew the first time he had sex with someone else, because the following night at family dinner, he could barely look at me.  I hated that he hadn’t been able to wait, and I hated that I felt that way.  I knew firsthand how high Spencer’s sex drive was, and I knew he wouldn’t last two years.  I wondered if he enjoyed the sex, wondered if he held her afterwards. I wondered if he screamed her name when he came. I wondered if she loved his scent, whether she knew that he loved to be kissed and held afterwards.

For the entire month after that, I cried myself to sleep every night.  I lost ten pounds and walked around like a ghost.  It was at that point that Dominique got pissed off and told me that I was being a dumbass.  “You can’t wait for him Delilah.  It isn’t fair, and it’s dumb to try.  I’ve been your biggest supporter until now, but fuck this.  You’re fucking miserable and I’m watching you disappear before my very eyes.  You didn’t even have one pound to lose, much less ten."

Spencer put his foot down too.  "Angel, I'm with you all the way. I'm fucking miserable without you baby, but I'm more miserable seeing you like this. If you want me to tell Dante and Damien now, if that will make you happy, I'm all in.  I can't stand seeing you like this. You're the most important person in the world to me.  If they're mad, then so be it."

I knew that wasn’t the answer.  It would just start shit, and that wasn't my intention.  I also didn't want Spencer to have to worry about me all the time.

After that, I realized that I needed to start acting like a functioning member of society.  I also realized that I needed to stop pining over Spencer when Dominique was around, because it was pissing her off.  To her, he was a brother figure, and I didn’t want her to hate him because I couldn’t handle being away from him

I floundered once, that Christmas.  I needed to be with him.  It was beautiful and amazing, but when it was finished, I told him we needed to go cold turkey until I graduated.  I couldn't chance getting depressed again.

Over time, I managed to regain my equilibrium. I just kept telling myself that every day got me one day closer to goal, and one day it finally took.

***

I’m not sure that it ever got easier, but it did get more bearable. Dominique pulled away from me a bit, and it made me sad.  It wasn't extreme, but for the first time, there was a divide. Sometimes I thought she seemed anxious to have privacy, and I wondered about that.  I suspected that she was trying to hide something from me about her sexuality, but for the life of me I couldn't understand why.  She understood that I wasn't oblivious to what was going on with her, but she still refused to talk.  I realized that we were adults now, and that I needed to let her have privacy even though it hurt me.  When she's ready, she'll tell me.

We both had a new friend though, someone that we all love to pieces.  My brother Dante had gotten a new executive assistant named Sabrina, and her sister Brooke is our new permanent sidekick.  The Tyler sisters are part of our family, and we all love having them around.  Brooke and my brother Damien definitely have huge feelings for each other, but neither of them is saying a word.  The good thing is, with how invested Damien is in Brooke, he's taken to coming out with Dominique, Brooke and I several nights a week when we go to clubs, which means that Spencer's with us too.

At the beginning of my senior year, I met Eric.  He was cute, nice, and he liked me a lot.  He kept asking me out, and I kept saying no.  I was finally within striking distance of graduation and the ability to be with Spencer, and I couldn't have cared less about dating anyone else.

All that changed one night when I went to a bar in the valley that I normally wouldn't have gone to with a few of my sorority sisters and some of their friends.  One of my sorority sisters had a friend named Carrie that was tagging along with us.  She was really pretty, but ridiculously shallow and annoying. She was going on and on about some hot guy that hung out at the bar we were going to, telling us all what a great lay he was.  "Fucking huge," she crowed.  "He and the guy he always has with him are like celebrities in the bar.  I’ve heard that they used to be around a lot more, but they only stop in every so often now.  Everyone wants a ride on one of them.  They're pretty selective. I had my guy once almost a year ago, and I'm not stopping ‘til I've fucked him again.  He fucked me almost unconscious, and I need more of that. You guys should see this dude’s prick.  It's mammoth."

I found her crude and disgusting, but I didn't really care about her since I had my real friends there for fun.  Most of us stayed in the front of the bar drinking, while Carrie dragged a few of the "looser" girls into the back where the pool tables were.  "I'm in search of Mr. Big Cock," she shrieked.  Most of us hung our heads in embarrassment at that.

About an hour into the night, one of my sorority sisters went to the bathroom, which happened to be located near the pool table.  When she came back, she came right over to me.  "I don't know who Mr. Big Cock is, but the other guy he's with is your brother, the one that used to bring the Krispy Kremes for the entire sorority on Fridays."

I felt the bottom drop out of my world, just like that. She was talking about Damien, and I knew exactly who 'Mr. Big Cock' was.  I was sick to my stomach.  It was one thing to know he was fucking other people.  It's another thing to know that he was fucking trash like Carrie.

I knew that I needed to go look, but I also knew that I needed to get the fuck out of here.  Pulling my cell from my purse, I walked outside and called Brooke and asked her to come get me.  After giving her the address, I went back into the bar.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I made my way through the bar and back into the pool table area.  I wasn't sure what I would find, but when I got a good look at what was going on, I almost lost it.  Carrie was all but on top of my brother while Spencer had some little slut sitting on his lap with her arms around his neck.  I noted that neither my brother or Spencer looked particularly engaged, but it crushed me just the same to see someone else touching Spencer.

Luckily for me, neither one of them noticed that I had been standing there.  I hauled ass out of the bar and stood waiting for Brooke to arrive.  When I got home, I scrubbed myself raw in the shower while I cried.  Here I'd been, foolish enough to wait for him, all while ignoring what he was doing.  Having it in my face made me feel like a foolish little baby.  If he cared about me, I don’t think he would be fucking people like Carrie.

The following weekend, Eric was out with me and my friends again.  I was so damn tired of waiting, of being a good girl.  Spencer wasn’t out there being good, and now that I damn well knew it for sure, I felt like I needed to experience other men myself.  Eric and I had the same group of friends, and I liked him.  Not in the way that I liked Spencer, not even close, but I was attracted to him.  I missed kissing, I missed being held.  Now that I knew first hand that Spencer was fucking anything that walked, I was fed up with it.  Why was I the one that was expected to wait, while he was out there nailing anyone he felt like? How was that fair?  I started to think that maybe I should get some of my own back.  If he was out having sex, why wasn’t I?

I was ripe for the picking, and when Eric asked me out the next time, I said yes.  We went to the movies, out with our friends, to dinner, and to the beach.  I enjoyed spending time with him.  One night after a movie, I went with him back to his house.  Things got hot and heavy, and I wound up giving him a blowjob.  It wasn't a stellar experience, but it wasn't horrible.  I felt stupid that afterwards I felt guilty about Spence.  God knows he wasn’t feeling guilty about me.  After a few more weeks of dating, I opened my mind up to the possibility of having sex with Eric.

The very night that I’d made the decision, Spencer showed up at my apartment to ask about Eric, after Dante had told him he'd seen us out together. When Spencer asked me if I’d had sex with Eric I couldn't lie so I said no…not yet.  I felt his pain to the tips of my toes, and I couldn’t help but cry.  He told me that it was okay, said that he understood.  I knew damn well that he didn’t, and that it wasn’t okay.  It was written all over his face.  That was the moment that I realized that any feelings I had for Eric were barely lukewarm.

I love Spencer, and the only future I’ve ever dreamed of involves him.  Spencer’s reaction to my relationship with Eric let me know that he still cared about me, that he still wanted me.  I’d started to really believe that he didn’t, that what happened between us was an anomaly to him.  We’ve spent the last two years not discussing it at all, and after that night in the bar with Carrie, I thought he’d gotten over it, over me. I'd decided that I needed to focus on something else, and now I'd hurt Spencer.

I broke up with Eric the next day.  It didn’t escape my attention that it didn’t affect me at all. I tried to talk to Spencer about it, but he was busy avoiding me like the plague.  I refused to tell him over the phone, through text or via email, and since he refused to talk to me, I couldn’t do anything.  Anytime we did talk, he managed to make sure that there were other people present so that we couldn’t really talk.  There were things that needed to be said, though.  I'm still furious at him that he fucked skanks like Carrie, that he let himself get into a situation where he's being talked about like a piece of meat.

I’ve tried, but I haven’t been able to work it out so that Spencer and I can be alone together at any time.  It’s just shitty timing I think. There’s so much shit going on with my family at this point; I’ve got Dominique acting weird and hiding something, Brooke pining for Damien, Damien pining for Brooke, and on top of that, I’m about to start working at Hart. Now just isn’t the time to force the issue with Spencer.

At some point, he will have to listen to me.  Until then, I have to wait.  No matter how angry I am, I love him, and I'm going to fight for him.  What are a few more weeks in the grand scheme of things?

***

Spencer got it into his head that it would be a good idea for Damien to pretend to have a girlfriend.  He told Damien he thought it would help make Brooke stop wanting him, but Spencer told me later that he didn’t think Damien would go through with it.  He thought it would force Damien to realize his true feelings for Brooke. Damien did go through with it, and things did not go well.  The girl he'd brought home pretending to be his girlfriend was actually someone that my sister was seeing.  That forced everything out into the open, and Dominique fessed up to the fact that she's a lesbian. I love that she finally came out, that she's finally happy and content.  Her girlfriend, Tally, is a doll, and I'm attaching to her already.  Unfortunately, Damien and Brooke aren’t speaking, and I've been desperately worried about both of them.

Meanwhile, Spencer still won’t really speak to me about anything non-family related.  I’ve still been unable to tell him that I didn’t have sex with Eric, and it’s killing me.  I’ve waited long enough, and tomorrow I’m going to his house to force him to speak to me.  Enough is enough.  I’ve graduated, and we need to be together.  Our time has come.

Things might finally be looking up with Brooke, too.  After weeks of hermit-like behavior, she called me earlier to let me know that she wants to go out tonight.  Things might not be so good with her and Damien, but the fact that she’s finally willing to get out of the house is a good sign.

I've started working at Hart with the rest of my family.  I've only been there for two weeks, but somehow Spencer has managed to almost entirely avoid me.  I'm not even sure how the hell he's doing it, but I'm beyond frustrated.  At what point is he going to get his head out of his ass?

Chapter Thirteen: Spencer

I hate that I still haven’t gotten my shit back together.  If anything, I’m worse off now than I was the day I found out that Delilah was dating someone else.  Pain has a way of taking everything in your world and tossing it around like a tornado.  Most days I really can’t connect with who I was before that.

The visit with my mother revealed that she was far from ill.  She’d gotten me there under false pretenses, in an attempt to get me to loan her money.  I’m not quite sure why she thought hitting me up for cash right after I walked into a room to find her servicing three men was a good idea.  I said no and then basically hauled ass out of there.  Seeing her, being in the house my father built… it was a rough night, and was absolutely the last thing I needed on top of where I already was emotionally.

There were two positive things that happened that night.  The first was that I finally confronted Damien about his feelings for Brooke.  The second was that we met a new friend, Tally Simon.  I like her a lot, and so does Damien, both of us in a friendly way, of course.

While we were at the bar, I had an idea that I thought was a real winner, and I told Damien that he should pretend that Tally was his girlfriend so that Brooke would know he wasn’t available.  I figured he would realize how ridiculous that was, but then he agreed to do it.  I thought he wasn’t going to be able to follow it through, that the idea of pushing Brooke away would scare him straight.  I was right about it setting him straight, but I was wrong about the fact that he wouldn’t actually go through with it.

The night that Damien took Tally home for family dinner to have her pretend to be his girlfriend, we found out that the girl Tally had told us all about, Nikki, the one who broke her heart because she wouldn’t come out of the closet, was actually Dominique.  That clued Brooke in on the fact that Damien had brought her there as one big lie, and now she won’t even look at Damien, much less speak to him.  Losing her has broken Damien, taken him to the lowest place he’s ever been.  I’ve never seen Damien like he is now, not even close.  He looks awful, he’s miserably unhappy, and we’re all very concerned about his frame of mind.  I’ve really come to love Brooke over this last year, and it scares me that she looks terrible too.

Dominique and Tally stopped by my house about an hour ago with one goal in mind; going to Damien’s and telling him to snap out of it.

We arrived to find the outside lights off, and the only inside lights that were on were in the living room, and those were on dim.  Dominique had already decided just to bust in using her key. “He’s not going to jump up to answer the door,” was the way she put up.  I agreed with her, so I kept my mouth shut as she unlocked it and let us in.  We found him sitting on the couch in absolute silence.  No TV, no music. It was pretty grim.

He all but yelled as he asked, “What the fuck?”

I told him that was our question.  What was he doing sitting with his thumb up his ass?  Why wasn't he fighting?

We had a good talk with him, and it was like a sign from above when he got a text from Delilah saying that she was out for the night at a bar with Brooke.  Damien asked the three of us if he should go, and we all gave a resounding yes.

I followed him to the door, away from Dominique and Tally, so that I could ask him what bar the girls were at.  He reeled off the name, and I took note.  His mind was so focused on Brooke that I don’t think he even noticed that I’d asked the question.

I decided to follow my own advice to Damien about talking to Brooke.  After dropping Dominique and Tally back at Tally’s house, I drove straight to the bar.   As I was pulling in, I saw Damien and Brooke pulling out in his Escalade, and I smiled.  At least he got her that far.  Hopefully the rest will work itself out.  Now I was hoping that I could make an appeal to Delilah that would get us back on track.

After allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the bar, I quickly found Delilah.  As usual, there was a crowd of people around her.  I breathed a sigh of relief after ascertaining that there was no guy right on top of her.  Maybe, if I’m lucky, the little prick she’s dating isn’t here.  I quickly push further thoughts of him away when I realize that it’s making me grind my teeth.  It wouldn’t be good to approach her looking like a raged out serial killer.

Walking up behind her calmly, I got close enough to her to smell her, and then all that calm went right out the window.  She still smelled as good to me as she ever has, the subtle tones of the perfume she’s worn forever evoking a sensory memory that makes me hard.  We should be in the home stretch right now, just about ready to return to each other.  Instead, I’m chasing after her in some lame bar, about to beg her to leave her boyfriend.

Tapping her on the shoulder, I smiled when she turned to face me.  She looked genuinely surprised to see me, and I hoped it was a good kind of surprised.  After gesturing to her friends to give her a minute, she grabbed my arm and gently pulled me across the room to an empty table.  After we'd each taken a chair, she raised an eyebrow at me.  "A lot of action in this bar tonight.  Is your being here a coincidence, or?"

I swiftly shook my head.  "No.  I came to find you, to talk to you.  I don't want to do this anymore.  I don't think I can."

Pausing, I tried to get my thoughts together.  What could I say to make her understand that I wasn't trying to be an asshole when I asked her to break up with her boyfriend?  I want to be with her, and that's never going to happen as long as she's with someone else.

Taking a deep breath, I chose my words carefully before looking up.  I figured out that I was fighting a losing battle the moment that I saw her face.  She'd lost almost all of her color, her eyes were filled with tears, and her lip was quivering.

Oh my god.

She’s in love with the new guy, and she’s upset because she doesn’t want to hurt me.  It was like a kick in the nuts, and my stomach starts to churn.  It's time for me to beat a hasty retreat.  I never should have put her in this position.

"You know what?  I didn't come here to upset you.  Clearly this was a terrible idea.  At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy.  That's all that really matters to me.  I'm going to go.  I'll see you… around."

When I saw the tears start falling down her cheeks and heard her choked sob, I had no more hope left.  Damn me for upsetting her.  I should have just taken it like a man and accepted her choice without making her uncomfortable.  “I’m sorry angel.  I’m so, so sorry.  I won’t bother you about this ever again, I promise.  Be happy.” Giving her forehead a brief kiss, I high-tailed it out of the bar.  I didn’t even get as far as the door before three tears fell down my face.

After I got to my car, I floored it out of the parking lot.  At that point, I just needed to put as much distance between me and Delilah as humanly possible.  I'm going to need to talk to Dante about transferring to another branch immediately.  There is no way I can stay here, not anymore.  As soon as I get home, I’ll draft a letter to Dante to get the ball rolling.

Chapter Fourteen: Delilah

I was so excited when he came into the bar.  I thought he’d come to his senses; that finally we were going to talk.  But then I saw his face.  I saw how upset he was, I saw how badly he was struggling, and I got a bad feeling.  When he said he couldn’t do it anymore, I knew it was over.  He’d decided to move on, and just like that, I knew that my future was gone. Being Mr. Big Cock meant more to him than I do, and I felt like everything I'd ever believed in was shredded to pieces.

After getting myself under control, and once I was sure I wasn’t going to cry a river, I got up from the table and made my way over to my friends and started saying my goodbyes.  About a minute later, my sorority sister, Jennifer, pulled me to the side.

“Not that it’s any of my business, but what did you just say to that guy? He was so upset when he left.”

That was confusing, and I shook my head at her.  “You’re imagining things.  IF he was upset, it was only because he felt bad about telling me something he knew I didn’t want to hear.”

Shaking her head firmly, she put her hand up to stop me from talking.  “No.  Seriously Delilah, I know what I saw.  He was crying when he ran out.”

That threw me.  Did he feel that bad?  Does he think I can’t handle it? Is that why he strung me along for two years?  Was I just a joke to him?  Or, does he feel guilty because he doesn’t want what I want?

Thanking Jennifer for letting me know, I left the bar and got into my car.  I sat for a few minutes kicking different ideas around in my head before deciding to head over to Spencer’s.  I need him to know that even though I’m devastated, I still love him and I don’t hate him for not wanting to be with me anymore.  The most important thing to me is that somehow our friendship survives.  I couldn't live without him, and I never want to try.

Pulling out of the parking lot, I started driving towards Spencer’s house.  I couldn’t help but drive slower than I normally would.  I needed to be calm by the time I saw him, and my emotions were right on the surface.

Once I pulled into his driveway, I turned the car off, and spent another few minutes getting myself steady.  When I’d gotten myself as calm as I could possibly be, I headed to the front door and knocked.

The door was flung open, and I was taken aback by Spencer’s appearance.  Jennifer was right.  He was upset.  Even worse, he didn’t look happy to see me.  The look on his face said that he wished anyone else on earth was standing on his doorstep right now.  Keeping my chin up, I asked him if I could go in.  When he said yes, I brushed past him as quickly as possible.

The lights in the living room were off, so I walked toward where I could see light coming from the kitchen.  I could see that Spencer must have been sitting at the kitchen table working on his computer.  Choosing the seat next to where he’d clearly been sitting, I went to sit down.  As I did, I knocked a piece of paper from the table onto the floor.

Bending over to pick it up, I noticed that the letter was addressed to Dante.  I didn’t actually make an attempt to read it, but as I went to lay the letter back down, I realized that the first line read: “I'm writing to officially request a transfer to another one of the Hart International branches...”

The sheer terror and heartbreak that slammed into me simultaneously was staggering, worse than any pain I'd ever felt in my life.  He was leaving me.  He wanted to get away.  I didn’t think I could hurt more than I did when he stood up from the table at the bar, but I was wrong.

I was out of control, completely broken.  Picking up the letter, I turned to see him walking into the room.  I couldn’t control my reaction, and it erupted from me like lava.  “How could you? Do you hate me this much? WHY? You fucking destroyed me tonight, and now you’re doing this too?” Sobs overtook me, and I lost the ability to speak coherently.

His arms were around me in seconds, and I struggled against him as I wail.  He’s leaving me.  That was all I knew, it was all I could feel.

I was so out of control that it took me at least a minute to realize that he was trying to talk to me. “How can you possibly expect me to stay?  I can’t live like this Delilah.  I can’t, and it’s not fucking fair for you to expect me to deal with this shit all the time!”

Oh my god.  Where was the Spencer I’ve known my whole life? Had I never really known him at all?  He was destroying me, ripping my heart out one tiny piece at a time.  He had to realize that when he left me, I’d be broken beyond repair, but he just didn't care.

I needed to get away before I completely lost my shit and started hyperventilating or throwing up.  It felt like my entire world was just thrown into a hurricane that was now spitting everything out into the wrong place.

Shoving him aside, words tumbled from my mouth before I could formulate something less pathetic to say.  “I never knew you could be so cruel.  Don’t worry.  You won’t have to deal with me or my shit anymore.  I’m sorry I was such a burden you asshole. Have a nice life Mr. Big Cock!”

I walked as fast as I could to the door.  Grabbing the handle, I went to fling the door open so that I could make my escape. I saw Spencer’s hand smack against the door to hold it in place, and I whipped around and screamed.  “What? What fucking more do you want from me?  I’m completely destroyed.  I can’t TAKE anymore Spencer.  Let. Me. Go!”

I’d never seen him as upset as he looks now.  “That’s rich Delilah.  How the fuck are you making ME the bad guy here?  Mocking me by calling me Mr. Big Cock? Jesus Christ! I never thought you were cruel.  I’m leaving so that YOU can create the future that YOU want with the guy that you’ve chosen, the one you’re clearly in love with.  I’m the one that’s got nothing left.  Do you really expect me to sit here and watch as you bring him to dinners and family events?  I’M NOT THAT STRONG DELILAH! I’m fucking broken. You have to let me go, have to let me make a new life.  I won’t survive if I stay.”

The synapses in my brain started firing like rockets as I assimilated everything he'd just said.  How did we get so far off track?  He was leaving because he believed that I could be in love with someone else!  How can he possibly have gotten that into his head?

I needed to tell him all of that, but the relief I felt that he wasn't leaving because he hated me and thought that I was a burden had my vocal chords in a strangle hold as I cried harder than I ever had.  Grabbing him, I pulled him toward me and wrapped my arms around him, needing his strength to hold me up so that I wouldn’t fall down.  He was rigid for a moment before he shuddered and pulled me in close.

Dropping my purse, I basically started climbing him.  I heard his shirt start to tear, but I didn’t care.  I just couldn’t get close enough.  I was completely wrapped around him, every part of my body touching a part of his, as I continued sobbing uncontrollably.

“Shhh.  Baby shhh. You’re scaring me! Stop.  Stop!  Please baby! I won’t leave, Delilah.  I’ll throw the letter away.  I’ll learn to live with it.  I promise! You have to stop.  Please, please stop.  You’re hurting yourself. I didn’t know it would hurt you like this.  I’ll stay, I’ll do anything for you, anything you want, just please stop.”

I was trying, I really was, but I’d never felt anything like how I felt right then.  I started trying to talk, but I was crying so hard I could only get one word at a time out.

“I…called… you… Mr… big… cock… because… you… fucked… some… slut… I… know… I… broke… up… with… him… weeks… ago… didn’t… have… sex… with… him… didn’t… love… him… don’t… love… him… I’m… still…yours… and… I… always… will… be!”

He staggered a bit as I finished talking, and before I knew it he was running across the room to the couch.  I was still attached to him like a new appendage, but that didn’t slow him down any.

He held me on the couch for a few minutes, rocking me back and forth while I got myself under control.

Rubbing my back, he continued soothing me as I calmed down.  His shirt is soaked from all of my crying, and I asked him for a tissue.  Grabbing a box from the sofa table next to us, he started gently wiping my face off.

"Angel, I'm so sorry.  I told you they were just bodies and I meant every word.  I've actually slept with far fewer people than you think.  I'm sorry it hurt you, and I'd give anything to take it back baby.  Anything.  It meant nothing, it was stupid, and I should have thought it out and been strong enough to wait."

I grabbed some tissues from him so that I could blow my nose and wipe my face.  “How could you think I was in love with anyone else?  I’ve been yours for longer than I can remember.  That isn’t ever going to change.  When I thought you were leaving, I felt like I was dying.  I need you Spencer.  I’ll always need you."

He rubbed my back as he spoke, his response heartfelt and true.  “I thought you loved him.  I saw your face at the bar, and I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.  I fucking died inside right then, Delilah.  I’m yours angel.  How could you have thought I would leave you because I didn’t want to be with you?  You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with.  There is only one you, Delilah.”

His words had an immediate effect on my libido.  I didn't just want to be closer to him, I had to be.  I had waited long enough, and there was no way I was putting up with this for another second. Grabbing his head, I swooped down and captured his mouth in a kiss that had to leave him with no doubt about what I wanted now.

If the kiss wasn't illustrating that for him, the fact that I was rubbing against him and ripping his clothes off clued him in.  Pulling away from him for a moment, I yanked his shirt over his head and threw it over my shoulder before pulling my own shirt off, following that with my bra.  Taking his head back into my hands, I brought his face closer to my naked breasts.  He knew just what I wanted, and I sighed at the exquisite agony of his mouth licking and sucking my nipples.  There was no awkwardness between us, no hesitation at all.  It was impossible to tell that there has been almost a two-year span since the last time we touched like this.

Each swirl of his tongue over my nipples raises gooseflesh on my arms, and I could no longer stand not being totally connected.  Pulling back from his amazing mouth I smiled and said, "Pull down your zipper.  I need to have you in me right now. It's an emergency."

I watched as he complied, groaned out loud when I saw his massive cock again for the first time in years, couldn't help myself from thinking that I missed it so much.  Standing up, I quickly pulled my skirt and thong off, kicking them away from me.  I climbed back onto his lap, and grabbed his rigid length in my hand, holding him still as I placed him at my opening.  I wiggled and rocked on the tip, lubricating it and trying to take him in.

When I felt the head finally slip in, I flung my head back as I moaned. It doesn't get more intense than how I felt with him inside of me.

I felt Spencer tense underneath me, and I knew he was struggling for control.  "Fuck Delilah! You're so fucking tight.  Am I hurting you?"

Shaking my head, I moaned.  "No! It feels good, so good.  It's been so long.  Don't stop!"

His response was to slide his hands down to grab either side of my waist, holding me in place as my body gradually accepted inch after inch of him.  Once I'd gotten about half of him in, I started to move.  The more I moved, the wetter I got, and the wetter I got, the more of him I was able to take.  When my ass finally settled onto his lap, I knew I'd taken everything he had to give me.

Grabbing my chin, he angled my mouth so that we could kiss.  My response was to moan as he took me in a kiss so hot I wondered if the fire company would need to show up to hose us off.  I picked up the pace, riding him like a wild woman.  Every time I came down, it felt like he was filling me up like never before.  Shivering and crying from the intensity of it, I fucked him harder.  After spending weeks waiting for him to speak to me, and after how terrible I had felt just an hour ago, I needed the intensity of the pleasure, which was bordering on pain.  I needed to feel it, even if it hurt.  I could tell Spencer was feeling similarly by how hard he was thrusting up into me as I rode him.

"Oh Jesus…. Delilah…. I fucking missed you so much angel! You're squeezing my cock so hard that there’s no way I’m going to last.  I'm going to flood your pussy with my come."

His words caused a rush of cream to flood out of me, and I shrieked at the sensation.  It was like I could feel every one of his words deep in my womb, my sex now the soaking wet center of the storm, little convulsions rippling through me.

"Oh… oh… oh!! YES.  I want you to flood my pussy, Spence! Do it!"  It felt so dirty saying that word back to him, but I loved it.  His responding growl told me that he loved it too.

Our lovemaking was more intense than ever before, the room filled with the sounds of the two of us moaning and talking dirty to each other.

"I missed being inside you so fucking much Delilah.  You're so fucking tight. Perfect, just like every other part of you. Never think for one moment that it was ever like this for me with anyone else. It's only you angel, only ever you. "

I tried to tell him how good he felt inside of me, but I wasn't making any sense. What came out was just a jumble of words.   "Love you! Only you. You're perfect. So big.  Love it.  Hurts, but it’s so good! Want you.  Come.  HARDER! My pussy. SPENCER! Now!"

With a scream, I hit the peak of the strongest orgasm of my life.  I didn't even feel human anymore.  Everything I had inside of me was flooding Spencer's cock, and the rest of me was too far gone to matter.  In the middle of my orgasm, my knees gave out, so Spencer took over.  Grabbing my waist harder, he pumped me up and down at lightning speed, intensifying the sensations ripping through my body.

"Ohgodohgodohgod! Spencer!"

When he slid his hand between my legs and pinched my clit, I lost it.  My first orgasm had been coming to an end, and the pressure of the pinch hurtled me immediately into another massive explosion.  I saw stars, heard ringing in my ears, felt my entire body tighten like a bowstring, and I fucking loved it.  Loved it, and knew as it went on and on that there was no going back.  I'd never give this up again.  Not for an hour, not for a day, not for a month.  My waiting days were over.  Spencer didn't have a chance of pushing me away ever again.

As usual, he wasn't done. I groaned as he stood up, holding me firmly against him, his cock still buried deep inside of me.  The wiggling movement of him inside of me as he walked us into his bedroom had me panting all over again.  Flicking on the overhead light, he gently laid me down on the bed.  Spreading my thighs, he held me open as he started thrusting in and out of me at a rapid pace.

I clenched and unclenched over and over again as his massive girth worked me over.  "Unh, unh, unh" I moaned as he hammered into me, the tip of his cock hitting me just right inside.  I was wet like never before, and I briefly wondered if the bed was wet under me.  I guess two years of waiting to be back in this position had created quite a back up, and I hoped he'd fuck it all out of me, relentlessly and often.

Our mouths fused back together as the pace continued, his fingers rubbing my clit as I built again.  I squeezed, and cried as I came all over again, clawing my nails down his back as he fucked me like he had to, like he was helpless to stop.

He pulled out after my tremors had passed.  I watched him undress as my breath came in gusts.  Just like always, the sight of him naked caused my juices to flow harder.  His enormous muscles rippled as he took his pants off, and I very much enjoyed the show.  He's a fucking Adonis, and I love it.

Within seconds, he was back on the bed with me, sliding between my legs again.  Lifting my hips, he thrust back into me again.  "I want you to lay your feet on my shoulders."

I complied immediately, grateful that he helped me get there.  I couldn't help but to let out a keening cry when I felt his penetration in an even bigger way.

He growled.  "That's right baby.  Take it, take me."

My arousal was off the charts, and I took his furious pounding for the gift that it was.  How many nights had I laid in bed rubbing myself, wishing that Spencer was inside of me?  The answer is pretty much every single night since our beautiful Christmas together almost two years ago.

I was so wet that I could hear it as he thrust in and out.  I was incoherent, assailed with sensations I'd never known before.  As intense as we were during those thirty days and the Christmas we spent together, this was more.  I'm not sure if it's because I'm more mature, or if it's because we feel more, but it's unbelievable and amazing.

"Oh yeah Delilah.  Fuck yes…. Tighten up on me babe."

I loved the sound of his sexy mid-fuck voice.  It drove me wild with lust, and I tightened around him as I came again with a cry. "Oh Spencer, ohSpencerohSpencerohSpencer…."

Pulling out, he flipped me over.  I gushed and yelled out when he spanked first my left ass cheek and then my right, then gushed and moaned more as he rubbed each one.  He repeated that pattern over and over again, turning me on so much that I could feel my arousal coating my thighs.

"Mm baby.  Your ass is an amazing shade of red. I'm going to love staring at this while I fuck your tight little pussy."

I yelped when he smacked my ass again, hard, as he slid his cock back into me.  Holding on to my waist, he started pumping in and out, harder.  I started out on my hands and knees, but quickly dropped so that my face was lying on the bed, turned to lie on my left cheek. When his finger started rubbing the outer ring of my ass I thought I'd pass out, it felt that good. I couldn't help but scream as my orgasm slammed into me with all the finesse of an out of control ten-ton truck. As soon as I started coming, Spencer erupted into me from behind, filling me with his release.  I arched and moaned, loving the feel of his heat spurting into my womb.

I loved our connection, and I groaned when he pulled out.  Nothing feels better than having him inside of me, reaching me in the most amazing places. Lying beside me, he gently rubbed my back and my ass, kissing my neck and my shoulder.

I drifted for a while like that, absolutely exhausted from the crazy emotional start to my night, and the wild and crazy love making that just ended it.  Kissing my neck and shoulders, Spencer whispered into my ear, "Do you want to take a shower?"

Being a puddle of jelly, I gave a small shake of my head.  "Mm. No.  Too tired, and I like being full of your come.  It's a reminder that we're back on track."

I loved hearing his husky chuckle, loved more the kisses he continued to lavish me with.  "That's actually crazy romantic angel, and I love it. I feel like I marked you."

I laughed at that.  "You have marked me baby, inside and out.  You've also worn my ass out.  I'm getting under the duvet and going to sleep.  I'm practically in a coma."

After helping me pull the comforter back, he climbed into the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms.

"Love you baby, more than anything.  Always have and always will."

I smiled and kissed his chest.  "Love you too, more than anything and I always will."

My last coherent thought was that we'd loved each other happy.

Chapter Fifteen: Spencer

Waking up to a smiling Delilah is the best possible way to start a day, and her smile got even bigger when she saw that I was up. I loved that she was there, in my house and in my bed, exactly where she belonged.  It was what I wanted more than anything in the world, what I'd always wanted and dreamed about.

Just feeling the heat of her naked body against me caused my cock to swell. Smiling, she kissed my chest as she gently glided her hand below the covers to grip my shaft.  "I see that you still wake up happy to see me.  God I love you, Spence."

I gave a groan as her tiny hand started rubbing my dick in a smooth up and down motion, turned on by the visual of her hand moving beneath the covers.  "Angel, I'm always happy to see you. I love you too baby, so fucking much. I waited so long for this."

Smiling at me again, she pulled the covers down to expose her hand working my stiff prick.  "If you think you're happy to see me now, I bet you'll be even happier when you watch me do this…"

My cock jerked of its own accord when I felt the heat of her breath on it.  Looking at me, she smirked.  "Oh dear, should I just watch it move all by itself, or do you want me to do something?  It looks like I might not be needed here after all."  I loved her pouty little smile so much that it hurt.

I growled as her eyes meet mine.  "Suck me baby.  I want to watch you swallow."

Her responding moan told me that she was hot for me, and I swelled even more.  She'd been so gentle to that point, so I was expecting a tender blowjob.  Instead, she bent her head and sucked me into her mouth with incredible suction and power, causing my back to arch up off the bed.

She used everything she had to turn me to mush.  Her left hand was massaging my balls as her tongue swirled all over my shaft, and her right hand was working the base of my cock like nothing I'd ever felt before.  She was rough and hot, and I loved it.

"Fuck yeah Delilah! Suck it.  That’s it.  Use your tongue on me baby.  Mm.  Yeah, like that."

There was something about watching her head bob up and down that's turned me on like mad. Before I knew what I was doing, I was thrusting my hips up to fuck her face.

Popping off, she gasped for air before licking the tip of my cock over and over again, with increasing speed.  "You like watching me suck your cock, don't you Spencer?  I bet you like it almost as much as I love doing it.  Are you going to come for me baby?"

Her fist shuttled faster and faster up and down my prick as she spoke to me, and I could only nod at her, too far gone to answer with words.

"Come in my mouth Spencer.  I want to taste you."

The sight of her sliding my cock back between her lips took me the rest of the way, and I erupted into her mouth with a loud yell. The intensity of her sucking and licking on the crown kept me convulsing and shivering for almost an entire minute.

It took me a few minutes to get my equilibrium back, and during that time I enjoyed her rubbing my inner thighs, the tops of my knees, my ankles, and the arches of my feet. Looking up into my eyes, she gave me a Cheshire cat grin.

"Jesus Christ Delilah, you suck me so fucking good that I think the top of my head almost blew off."

Arching her perfectly shaped eyebrow, she smiled at me again.  "I'm glad you like it, because I love doing it.  There's something so hot about you coming in my mouth.  Mm, I think I'm kind of dirty.  I love you coming anywhere in me or on me.  It gets me every time."

"Fuck babe, I love how dirty you are.  You just got me hard again.  Climb up here and put me inside of you."

I loved watching her do what I asked, loved more that she did it reverse cowgirl style so I could watch her sexy ass.  "I've always wanted to try this, Spence.  Mm.  Shit! You're hitting a totally different spot…"

Watching her ass bob up and down as she rode me is one of those things I wish I could have had a video camera for.  Her pussy was flooding my prick with her cream, and every time she went up I could see how shiny my cock was from it.

I was at her mercy, completely under her spell.  She alternated riding me fast and then riding me slow, and I loved both equally.  I was in Delilah for god's sake.  I didn't care one bit about the speed with which we did it.  If I had my druthers, I'd be inside of her most of my waking hours.  She feels that good.  I couldn't help but marvel at what she brings out of me every time.  I always feel right when I'm with her, even if I'm just next to her or holding her hand.  It's wild that when I'm inside of her it's a totally different level of connection, deeper and shockingly more intense.

Her little cries told me that she was almost there and, grabbing her hips, I started thrusting up to meet her over and over and over again.  With a shriek, she clenched around me, her pussy fluttering against my cock as she came, bathing me with more of her cream.  I was so turned on that I couldn't hold my own response back, and with a growl, I pulled her onto me hard as I came.

My timing must have been just right, because she screamed as she tightened around me harder than ever, releasing more heat onto me as she came again.  "So hot, so hot, so hot… Oh Spence… I love the feeling of you filling me up…"

Fuck, she's wild. She loved the feeling of being full of cum, and I loved filling her with it.  The two of us are a seventeen-alarm fire, and I don't see things cooling off at all.  Just like before, the more I have her, the more I need her.  The more I need her, the more I want her.  I've just come twice, but I'm still hard as fuck.

Wrapping my arm around her waist, I rolled us onto our sides as I started pounding into her again.  "Remember who you belong to baby?  Remember that you're mine, and that you're always going to be. Your tight pussy is fucking mine Delilah. Your mouth is mine.  You like to be filled up with come?  My cock is here just for your pleasure baby, and only for you.  Whenever you need it, you tell me.  I'm always going to be ready to love you Delilah, whenever and wherever you need me. You're safe to be as dirty as you want with me."

Her response only caused me to fuck into her harder.  "Oh fuck Spence. Yes! Of course I remember who I belong to baby. I dreamed of this every night for the last two years. I love your giant cock fucking the hell out of me.  I'm crazy for it, crazy for you.  Whenever you want me, wherever it is, take me.  I'm yours Spence, and I always will be.  It's crazy how alive I feel when I'm with you."

"I'm more alive in you than I ever have been baby. Squeeze me Delilah. Touch your clit and rub it.  I'm going to fill you with come again, love."

Her tightening around me was everything I ever wanted.  It was trust, hope and love.  It's everything about Delilah that makes me wild, and I love it.  Nothing will ever be enough.

I erupted again, my orgasm starting at my toes, and exploding from the tip of my cock with such force that I was dizzy with it. "OH FUCK DELILAH! FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

With a groan, she tightened even more as she came again, copious amounts of cream releasing hot against my cock.  "Love you too, love you too, love you so much babe…"

She's my fucking angel, born just for me to love.  We made it, and now that we're together, I'm never letting her go again.  Nothing can ever keep us apart, I know it.

Maintaining our connection, I kept my arm around her while I drifted to sleep.

Chapter Sixteen: Delilah

We'd fallen asleep again after our morning love session.  I woke up starving for food and more time with Spencer.  I remember that when we'd separated after the thirty days we were together, I'd sworn that two years would pass by in the blink of an eye.  In retrospect, I see that statement for the foolish wish that it was.  Even with our Christmas spent together, the two years didn't pass quickly.  They passed slowly, at a snail's pace.  Looking back, it feels like it's been ten years instead of just two.

I stretched gently, careful not to wake him up. It was clear that he was tired, and I wanted him to sleep.  I tiptoed my way into the bathroom, and turned on all of the shower jets.  Spencer's shower was even more amazing now than it was two years ago.  He'd had more showerheads installed, and they beat down on me in the most heavenly of ways.  I washed using his body wash and shampoo with conditioner, bemoaning the lack of actual conditioner. My hair is never smooth enough after I use one of the shampoo and conditioner mixes, and I just had to hope that I would be able to do something with my hair that wasn't pure frizz ball.

Laughing quietly to myself, I got out of the shower and dried off.  I didn't bother looking for an additional toothbrush, instead choosing to use his.  I've swallowed Spencer's come, and I don't think sharing a toothbrush is going to kills us.  Using the toothbrush makes me feel like I've added another layer of intimacy.  After doing the best that I could do with my hair, I was finished.

Opening the door to the bedroom, I made my way to his drawers and plucked out a t-shirt.  I'm five foot five and Spencer's six foot one, so his shirt comes down far enough to make me decent.  I was all but swimming in it.  I found it very comforting.

Once I was dressed, I made my way out into the kitchen where I spent the next forty minutes making pancakes, bacon, eggs and toast.  I put out a fresh pot of coffee while I set the table.  I'd considered waking Spencer up, but decided that I'd let him wake up by himself.  I didn’t see him coming, so when he wrapped his arms around me, I squealed.

Turning in his grasp, I stood on my tiptoes and linked my arms behind his neck.  He was freshly showered, so his hair was still damp.  He smelled amazing, and he looked damn hot too.  I smiled up into his eyes before dropping a kiss on his lips.  "Good morning babe.  I made us a huge breakfast.  I know I worked up an appetite.  You hungry?"

He smiled at me, huge.  "Oh baby, I am so fucking hungry.  You have no idea.  I'll stop and eat before we head back to the bedroom though."

I laughed at that, loving his brashness.  "I'm into that plan, but how about we go to Malibu for the rest of the day and night?  I could use a break, and I bet you could too."

We spent the next half hour eating and laughing, soaking up the time with each other.  After breakfast, I left and drove home while he stayed back and packed his bag. Once I got back to my apartment, I quickly packed my own bag.  Within ten minutes, Spencer was knocking at my door, and five minutes after that we were on the road.  He drove and I turned up the radio, enjoying the sunshine and the open sunroof as we listened to The Foo Fighters.

We barely got into the house before he had me in his arms again.  "How about we go to the store and get everything we'll need to barbeque later.  We'll go old school and get s'mores and everything.  While we're out we can pick up a movie too."

I loved his plan and agreed to it quickly.  We got back into the car and headed out to the market.  We wandered the aisles, picking out what we wanted.  Spencer held the basket with his left hand and my hand with his right.  It was fun and relaxed, beautifully comfortable.  Standing in line, we whispered to each other like fools while Spencer stood behind me, nuzzling my neck.  I shivered when he leaned forward to whisper in my ear.  "I'm having the best day ever angel, and we're only in the fuckin’ store.  I'm so in love with you Delilah."

My heart melted into a puddle at my feet.  Lifting my arm up, I slid my hand into his hair and pulled his head toward mine, stopping only when our lips were just about to touch.  Looking into his eyes, I smiled.  "That's good, because I'm crazy in love with you, too."

I continued melting as he captured my mouth in the sweetest kiss, a promise of things to come.  We parted laughing when the cashier discreetly coughed.  I smiled at her, my cheeks hot with the blush I knew I had.  "Sorry.  We didn't mean…"

She laughed and shook her head.  "Don't apologize.  I was watching you thinking it must be really amazing to be in love like that."

I beamed at her as Spencer pulled me tighter against him.  "That's so sweet of you to say," I told her.  "Thank you."

She smiled back at me.  "You two look like one of those couples you see in picture frames at the home store.  I bet when you two have kids they'll be the most beautiful children ever."

I saw the blonde haired little boy that Spencer had been in my mind, and my heart twisted with longing to have a son that looked just like him.  I started to giggle just as I felt Spencer tense behind me.  We were so close together that I swear I could actually feel the rigidity of his spine.  Just at that moment, the cashier told us what the total was, and Spencer pulled away to grab his wallet.  We spent another minute finishing the check out before we each grabbed a bag and headed to the car.

The silence seemed weird, all things considered.  A few minutes ago we'd been in a love bubble, and now Spencer was ramrod straight, and his natural fluidity had morphed into something all herky jerky.

As soon as we had the bags settled and we were in the car, I grabbed his arm.  "What's wrong baby?"

His grimace told me that whatever it was, he really didn't want to discuss it.  We stared at each other in silence for a moment before he took a deep breath and started speaking.

"I'm sorry angel. I didn't mean to get weird.  I know I should have mentioned this before, but it's not like it's something I'd just throw into conversation for no reason."

The feeling of dread that settled into my stomach was all consuming and alarming.  What the hell was he freaking out about?  I gestured for him to continue, desperate for him to blurt out whatever it was.

"I don't want children Delilah.  Not ever.  It's not up for negotiation, and I'm never going to change my mind.  I love you angel, and I swear to god I'll do anything humanly possible to make you happy, but that's the one thing I won't ever give you."

My mind worked at warp speed as I tried to extrapolate out from everything that Spencer had said.  No children?

No children.

No children.

No children.

Oh my god… he doesn't want children.  How had I never heard this from him before? It's like he just told me he's got a secret identity.  The pain was shocking, absolutely life altering.  Not up for negotiation, he said.  What the hell?

For as long as I can remember, I've known two things with absolute certainty.  The first is that Spencer is my other half.  The second is that I want children.  His children.

I didn't even know what to say.  Never, not in any of my dreams, had I ever once envisioned my children having any other father but Spencer.  I can so clearly see him rubbing my rounded belly as he talks to it, holding my hand in the delivery room, running through a backyard chasing after our daughter, playing hide and seek just like he used to with me.  I can see him coaching our son's baseball team, staying up on Christmas Eve with me as we wrap our children's gifts, sitting at a dinner table as a family, watching him take pictures for family photo albums.

I'm going to need to make some kind of a choice.  Either I give up my lifelong love of Spencer and commit to having children, or I give up my lifelong desire to be a mother and commit to being childless.

Just like that, the future I'd always dreamed about exploded in my face, leaving an atomic cloud in its wake.  I'd give up almost anything for Spencer, sacrifice almost anything.  But the one thing I can't give up is my dream of being a mother.  As much as I love him, I'd come to resent him for closing the door on my biggest dream.

"Spence… I need you to take me home. Home, home.  Not your house here. I'm sorry Spencer, but I can't agree to this."

The look on his face was one of pure jaw dropped shock, but I couldn't even connect to it.  "You can't mean that Delilah!  I know you love me angel.  It's just children. We'd be together, all the time.  I'll make you so happy, give you anything you want or need.  I love you!"

Just children? How could he think that?

It took inner strength I didn't even know I possessed to keep myself calm and tear free.  I knew this was going to hurt him, but it was one thing I just couldn't compromise on.

Shaking my head sadly, I cupped his cheek.  "I'm sorry babe.  I can't.  I love you Spencer, so damn much.  It kills me to do this, but I know what I can't do is pretend I'm alright with what you've just said.  I don't just want children, Spence.  I need them.  For as far back as I can remember… I've known that I wanted you to be my husband and the father of our children.  I get that's not what you want, and it kills me.  But I can't commit to never having children.  I need to be a mom. If I agreed to stay with you and said I'd be happy without children of my own, I'd be lying.  Eventually I'd come to resent you, and I couldn't live like that."

His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. I rubbed his cheek with my thumb, willing him to say that he'd at least think about it rather than lose me.

Instead, he nodded his head.  "You're right.  It's too much to ask."

The car ride back to his house to collect our stuff was made in dead silence.  I had never really unpacked my overnight bag, so I was ready to go in less than four minutes.  I waited silently while he made sure everything was turned off and locked, and then we headed out.

I was home very quickly after that.  Spence walked me into my apartment, laying my bag down on the couch.  Seeing him standing there looking so dejected broke my heart.  I knew that I had to love him one last time, had to create a memory that I could hold onto forever.

I was across the room in a flash, jumping into his arms.  He groaned as his mouth covered mine, his hands holding onto my ass as I wrapped my legs around him and held onto his enormous biceps. I rubbed against him frantically, needing release.

"God… angel.  What are we doing?"

Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I kissed him over and over again.  "I need you inside of me one last time Spencer.  I need this.  Don't say no."

He pulled back for a moment to stare into my eyes.  I could tell by the feral expression on his face that the answer was yes, and he had me naked so fast that my head was spinning.  I was soaking for him, completely ready.  He lifted me up and impaled me in one hard thrust, taking me against the entryway wall.  I'd expected it to be rough, but instead he was gentle.

I moaned into his mouth with every gentle thrust, loving him with my tongue as he loved me with his body.  I cried out when his fingers started working my clit, crying out my release as an orgasm slammed through me.

We stayed connected as he walked us into my bedroom, sliding me down onto the bed.  I cried out over and over as his gentle but passionate thrusting kept me on the edge of insanity.  Loving him like this was the most beautiful thing I'd ever experienced, and I soaked it in even as my heart broke and tears poured down my cheeks.

Gradually he picked up speed, increasing the intensity.  He raised my right leg and pulled it against his chest, laying it over his left shoulder. The penetration was deeper that way, more intense.  I fisted the comforter under me as I came again with a keening wail, but he didn't stop.  Our eyes stayed lock onto each other as we continued moving together.

Pulling out, he flipped me over onto my stomach and laid me down flat.  It took a bit of work, but he slid his cock back into me with a groan, and started working himself in and out again.  The pressure inside of me was unreal, and I could feel my arousal spreading everywhere, even my mound was soaking wet.  I screamed when his finger started rubbing my ass, sending me into an orgasm that threatened to throw me into actual orbit.  He bit my neck as he started coming inside of me, filling me up with his love.

I cried at how good it felt, even as he put his hands under my hips and lifted me up onto my knees as he kept fucking in and out, his ownership of my body absolute.  I loved him so much that I could barely breathe with it.

Hours went by as we made love.  We would slow down but not stop, and there were many times I wondered if I'd die from the pleasure.  He filled me again and again and again with his come, but he wasn't stopping.

It was the middle of the night and I was on my back, my hips elevated by the pillow he'd put under me, my sex gushing as he thrust in and out.  We were covered in sweat, panting and moaning.  His chest was covered in love bites, his back and his ass decorated with scratch marks.  The room smelled like the two of us, and I knew we were both exhausted.

He kissed me over and over again, like he couldn't stop, couldn't get enough.  "Fucking love you so goddamn much Delilah.  Love you, love you, love you, love you."

Every time he told me he loved me, he pounded into me harder, and the headboard was banging against the wall as the bed shook beneath us.  The angle he was working was crazy deep, and with each thrust he was rubbing against a spot in me that was making me insane.

I nodded my head as my heart pounded in my chest and my sex literally gushed around him. Harder and harder he thrust, my breasts bouncing up and down as he continued working me.  "I love you Spence.  I'll always love you, so fucking much."

I screamed his name over and over as my sex tightened up around him, and I felt myself explode.  It was the strongest orgasm I'd ever had, the connection amazing and absolute.  The contractions in my sex kept my orgasm rolling on and on, my body rigid beneath him as he thrust like a mad man.  With one last powerful thrust, he pumped everything he had left into me with a tortured yell.

We were both done after that, but we stayed together for a long time, my legs wrapped around his waist, arms around his shoulders.  Eventually, the heat of all our loving dissipated, and I shivered underneath him.  He pulled out with a groan, rolling onto his back.  He had the presence of mind to pull the pillow out from under me.  I watched through eyes that were at half-mast as he stood up and retrieved the comforter from the floor.  After putting it on the bed, he pulled it over both of us before pulling me into his arms.

"I'm going to stay until you fall asleep and then I'll go.  I can't say goodbye, so I'm not going to.  I love you Delilah, more than anything and I always will.  We might not be able to be together, but I'd die for you angel.  I'm always here if you need anything, and I always will be."

After telling him that I loved him too, I cried myself to sleep in his arms.  It wasn't a deep sleep, and I felt when he kissed my shoulder, felt when he put his face in my hair and took a deep breath, felt his breath on my face when he kissed my lips.  I heard the catch in his breath, heard his sniffle and I knew he was trying not to cry himself.  I stayed silent until the moment I heard the front door close and lock, and then I started crying all over again.

I stayed in the bed like that, only getting up to drink soda and go to the bathroom, for the next three days.  I called out sick to work on Monday and Tuesday, but Wednesday I knew I had to go in.

I'd spent three days telling my family that I was sick, and I think the only reason it worked was because Dominique was busy with Tally, Dante was busy with Sabrina, and Damien and Brooke were finally together. He'd taken her away for the week, and I guess that everyone was so happy that those two were finally happy that nobody noticed that I was miserable. Dante and Dominique both fought with me about coming over, but I told them that I was fine, just running a low-grade fever.

Chapter Eighteen:  Spencer

Leaving Delilah's that night was the hardest thing I've ever done.  It hurt more than anything I'd ever had to do before, and to this moment I'm really not exactly sure how I did it.  I'd woken up that morning so full of hope and love, but when I left her house, I had less than half a heart left and no hope at all.

A big part of me wanted to give her what she wanted, just so that I could keep her forever. It was only when I realized how much of a selfish bastard that would make me that I put the brakes on that line of thoughts.  Sure, I could agree to have children.  But it would be beyond cruel of me to saddle her with me as the father of her children.  She'd lose all respect and love for me the second she realized that I didn't have a fucking clue about how to be a parent.

It's shitty to be around people who are so sickeningly happy when I'm so miserably fucking sad.  I didn't sleep at all on Sunday.  Instead, I sat on my couch and thought about Delilah.  I spent hours remembering a million different things about her, wishing that things could be different.

No matter how much I love Delilah, I'm both unwilling and unable to have children.  I've always known that I don't want them.  The idea is so abhorrent to me that it makes me ill.  I'm not cut out to be a father, and I know it.  I sure as shit didn't have a good role model.  The closest I've ever come to having a father figure is Dante.  Everything I learned about being a good person came from him.

I know Dante, and I don't think for one second that he wouldn't be appalled by the idea of the Cross and Hart DNA mixing.  The chance that we would have a child that would have characteristics of any of our parents is repellant.  A child with that big of a deck stacked against them would need a good parent, not someone like me.

I'm a damn fool for not realizing long before now that Delilah would want children.  She's the kindest and most loving person that I know.  Of course she wants to be a mother.  I have no doubt that it's a job she will excel at.

Seeing her with someone else is going to kill me, but I can't give her what she needs.  My plan is to gradually pull away from Delilah until she's not bothered by it anymore.  Then I'll transfer to one of the other branches, and that will be that.  The fact that I'll wind up good old Uncle Spencer is going to be a shitty enough cross to bear, without having to add proximity to the equation.

She's due back at work today, and I know she hasn't called out.  I'll do my best to avoid her, but I'm going to peek in at her at some point.  She doesn’t have to see me for me to ascertain that she's alright.

Dominique breezed into my office just after ten, plopping down in front of my desk. "Damien called in.  He says that you and I need to head on out to the Century City build and take a look at penthouse suite 4a.  He thinks the builders are reading your plans wrong, and he wants us to re-measure it and map it out according to your schematics."

I got up from the desk and grabbed my laptop bag.  Nonchalantly, I looked at her and asked if Delilah was back at work.  She was so busy answering a text from Tally that she didn't spare me a second glance when she said, "Yep, she's downstairs at her desk. I can tell she's still a little under the weather still, but other than that she's alright."

I've been out of my mind with worry about Delilah, but I knew she needed time alone without me. I know that she's okay; only because she responded to my texts asking if she was with a yes, and now Dominique is confirming that to be true.  How the fuck did we get here?  I can't even go to her and show concern.

I walked past Dominique as she continued texting, hoping that she didn't see how sad I was.  She never said a word, so I assume that she didn't.  We spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon in Century City, painstakingly going over every inch of the space.  It wasn't easy to find the issue, but eventually Dominique found the problem.  I couldn't help but to be proud of her, so pleased with the woman that she's turned into.

She asked me to stop for a late lunch, and we wound up at a bistro that she loves.  As sad as I am, it's nice to spend time with Dominique.  She's like a sister, and I adore her.  I've always been able to separate her from Delilah.  When I look at Dominique, I see her, not Delilah.  They're identical, unless you know them.  Once you do, it's so obvious it's insane.

I struggled to keep up with her as she talked, filling me in on her life.  I was worried about her earlier this year when she was so unhappy, but now she's overflowing with happiness.  It's a complete one eighty, and I'm happy for her.

"So Damien texted me this morning and he's going all in with Brooke.  He says as soon as they get home he's going to have an engagement ring made.  He's already set up a time to ask Sabrina for her hand officially, even though she already knows to expect it.  Can you imagine? In five weeks my Dante will be married, and Damien will be engaged!  You're next."

I sputtered all over that one.  "No.  I'm never getting married, never getting into a relationship."

She took that in for a moment before responding.  "Then it's elephant in the room time.  You’re telling me that you've got no more feelings for my sister? I've seen you two together.  Yeah, it was two years ago, but I know love when I see it.  I was pissed at you for a long time after that, because you went right back to being a fucking idiot.  But things are different now.  Everyone is settling down, so why shouldn't you?"

My thoughts were all over the place on how to answer.  Eventually, I settled on the truth.  "That's not going to happen, Dominique. I'll always love your sister more than anyone else in the world, without a doubt.  But she wants a different life than I do.  We would never work out.  It's better that we stay friends."

She looked miffed by that statement.  "Wait, what do you mean you want a different life?  Are you saying you couldn't be faithful? Jesus, Spence! That's fucked up!"

I raised my hands in surrender.  "No! That's not what I'm saying at all.  If I was with your sister, it would only ever be her. I don't even see other women when she's in the room, Dominique.  Honestly, even when she's not around, I really don't see them.  Other women are just kind of there. Your sister… she's got my entire heart and she always will.  It’s hers.  The issue is that she wants children, and I'm not open to that at all.  We’re both very firm on that issue in our different ways, and it's not negotiable for either of us."

Shaking her head, she stared at me.  "I get that it's a good reason. God knows, if people like our parents had discussed that BEFORE they had children that they hated… The five of us were lucky that we had each other.  Without you and my brothers, Delilah and I wouldn't be here today.  That's why I don't get why you don't want to have children.  You're one of the best protectors and providers I know. I swear that you were born to be a father."

I all but gaped at her.  Shit, maybe I actually did gape.  I don’t see myself as being fatherly at all.  Not even a little bit.

"I appreciate you saying that Dominique, but the truth is… I'd never want to be a father.  I have no idea what good parenting would look like.  People learn what they live. My father was a monster.  I would never bring a life into the world with that kind of shit hanging over my head.  I'm just lucky that I grew up as something other than a monster myself."

She was shaking her head at me in obvious disagreement. "That wasn't luck, Spence.  You made it in spite of your parents because you're an amazing human being.  I feel the same way about my brothers.  We all made it through the shit, but the three of you bore the brunt of the insanity.  I've been talking to Tally about this quite a bit actually, and we're thinking that someday we'd like to adopt some kids that had to live like we did.  Let's face it, without Mama San, none of us would have had much of a future. You guys did an amazing job, but shit with my dad was definitely coming to a head, and it would have destroyed the three of you. We got damn lucky that he died. I don't care how that sounds, that's how I feel.  Not a lot of kids get as lucky as we did by having a Sandra in their lives. I feel like I have to pay it forward."

Goddamn I was so proud of that girl.  The twins are really the cream of the crop.  Considerate, conscientious and caring, they both go out of their way to do the right thing.  From volunteering at homeless shelters to signing up for Habitat for Humanity builds, they are always all about giving back.  Their parents might have had two of the shittiest moral compasses of all time, but they didn't pass those genes on at all.

"I know you'll make an amazing mother Dominique, and your sister will too.  But the truth is that I just don't have the guts to try. To me it would be like playing Russian roulette. It's a closed issue for me."

Being the sweetheart that she is, she let it drop.

Chapter Nineteen: Delilah

I’m exhausted.  Mentally, physically, emotionally… in every way that it’s possible to be exhausted, I am.  Going to work every day takes everything that I’ve got.  I love my job and I’m happy to be working instead of going to school, but seeing Spencer every day is like water torture.  I think I could handle everything better if I felt human, but I don’t.  In the four weeks since my entire world crumbled around me, I’ve been a zombie.  I wake up, I go to work, I go home, and I sleep.

You'd think I would have improved by now, but if anything, things are getting worse.  This last week I've been sick, and food is ridiculously unappealing.  When I do eat, not much stays down. I’ve never felt this poorly.  I keep hoping it will pass, but every day I wake up feeling pretty much the same as the day before.

Thankfully, today I get to lie on the couch and do nothing, because it's Saturday.  I showered when I got up, but that took up all of the energy I had.  I curled up on the couch with damp hair wearing only my robe.  I was in that place between awake and asleep when I heard a knock on my door.

Summoning up energy that I really didn’t have, I made my way to the door and swung it open, relieved to see Brooke on the other side.  I was worried that it was going to be one of my brothers or Spencer coming to check in on me, and I just can't deal with that right now.  I know I’m not doing a great job of concealing that something is wrong, but I need space.  Brooke and I exchanged hugs and kisses as she came in before we settled on the couch.

“Don’t shoot me.  I’m here because I’m very worried about you.  Something clearly isn’t right.  What’s happening with you Delilah?”

Damn.  So much for being relieved that it was Brooke and not one of the others. I decided to shoot straight, mostly because even I’m worried about the state I’m in at this point.

“Honestly, I don’t know.  I feel absolutely wretched all of the time.  I’m so tired that I swear I could sleep twenty out of every twenty-four hours.”

Her concern very evident, she reached out and touched my forehead.  “You don’t feel warm, but you do look exhausted. Your coloring is terrible, you’re losing weight, and you look frail.  You need to go to the doctor Delilah, immediately.  I get that it’s Saturday, but maybe we should go to the hospital.”

“No! Brooke.  Seriously! I feel terrible, but I’m not dying.  I made an appointment yesterday with my doctor anyway.  I’m going on Monday.”

She looked so relieved that I was taking it seriously enough to make a doctor's appointment that it gave me pause. I guess I really do look like death warmed over.  Nodding at me, she touched my forehead again.  “Whenever I didn’t feel well, my mom would always give me ginger ale, saltines, and chicken noodle soup, and I swear it always worked like a charm.  I’m going to the store to get all the supplies.  When I get back I’ll make you some soup and we’ll curl up and watch a chick flick.”

I don’t know why, but her caring for me so well made me tear up.  I’m so emotional lately it’s ridiculous.  You’d think that there was a death instead of a break up.  I hate being overly emotional, but it’s like I have no control over it.

As soon as she left, I got up to get dressed and brush my hair.  I put on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, and then threw my hair up into a ponytail.  I was just finished dressing when I heard my front door open.  Walking into the living room, I saw Dominique and Tally had just come in.

Running across the room, Dominique wrapped me in an enormous hug.  “We were already on our way over to check on you when Brooke called to say you’re feeling shitty and that you guys are going to do a chick flick day.  Tally and I are in!”

Having my sister here immediately made me feel much better.  She took me to the couch and we curled up together on the chaise together like we used to when we were kids.  Dante has always said he bets this is what we looked like in utero, and I imagine he’s right.

We were curled up like that for a while as she cross-examined me about how I was feeling.  “I’m concerned that you feel like crap,” she said, “but I know I’d feel if anything was really wrong, and I don’t.  Whatever this is, it isn’t life or death. Don't be scared.”

The relief I felt at her assertion was huge. I've been scared shitless because I've never felt so wretched. Dominique and I have a connection that defies explanation, and I really do believe that if something was seriously wrong with me, she would know.  We’ve always been able to feel each other’s pain.

Brooke came back a few minutes after that, and she gestured behind her.  “Look who I found in your driveway.”  I smiled when I saw that it was Aunt Sandra.  She’s the only mother I’ve ever known, and I adore her.

After crossing the room, she gently sat on the couch behind me.  Leaning forward, she put her lips on my forehead, something she’s always done to check my temperature.  “Brooke’s right sweetie, you don’t have a fever.  I did a quick search on my iPad while I was in the car, and I’m thinking maybe you have mono.  Did you really make a doctor’s appointment for Monday?  I don’t want you to wait any longer.”

I couldn’t help but to be touched by her concern.  Sandra gave up everything for us, and she never complained.  “I promise that I made the appointment Mama San.  I’m going Monday morning to see Dr. Reynolds, first thing.”

“That’s what I want to hear honey.  I’ll take the morning off and go with you.”

I was shaking my head before she even finished.  “No, no.  It’s okay.  I’m not a baby, and you can’t always drop everything for me.  I’ll go and as soon as I’m finished, I’ll come to work and let you know what she said. I'm sorry I let it go for this long.  I didn't mean to worry everyone.”

“Stop that! I know you’re not a baby, but you’ll always be my little girl. Whenever you need me, I’m always going to be there.”

It never gets old, hearing her say that she’ll be there, and she always is.  I didn’t realize how badly I wanted a mother until Sandra moved in.  She’s everything a child could ask for.  She stepped up and took care of us in a huge way.  When I was younger, I used to lie in bed at night across from Dominique, and the two of us would talk and try to make sense out of how Sandra could possibly be related to our mother.  Sandra is almost a mirror image of her, save for the fact that Sandra dyes her hair red.  While the physical similarities are impossible to miss, that’s where they end.  Mama San showed more care about our well-being the first afternoon she met us than our parents did in all of the years we were with them.

“I know you’re always going to be there Mama San, and it means more than I can say.  But I also know that you, Dante, Damien and Sabrina all have a nine o’clock meeting on Monday to be deposed about the charges that got filed against that contractor that stole from us.  You have to be there, and there’s no way around it.  I’d have Dominique go with me, but she and Spence have that meeting with the people who bought the penthouse that got all screwed up.  Don’t worry, I’ve got this. I promise.”

She wasn’t having it, not by a long shot.  “They can schedule me in for another time.  You’re more important to me than anything else.  I don’t want you going alone.”

From across the room Tally called out, “I’ll take her.”

Only the fact that I was still curled up with my sister kept me from running across the room and kissing Tally in thanks.  I feel bad enough as it is without Sandra having to take time away from something that actually IS important.

I grabbed on to Tally’s offer like the lifeline that it was.  “See? Perfect.  Tally will go with me.  She’s the only other person besides me that can take the morning off without screwing something up entirely.”  Looking over my shoulder at her I said, “Thanks Tally! You’re a lifesaver!”

Sandra put up more of a fight, but once she knew that I’d have someone with me, she eventually backed down.

“I want to hear from you the minute you know what’s happening.  I don’t care if I’m in the deposition.  You call me anyway.”

Our conversation came to a close when Brooke called out from the kitchen that my chicken noodle soup was ready.  I sat at the table and choked down what I could, eating more of the saltines than anything else.  I probably wouldn’t have eaten anything if the four of them hadn’t been sitting at the table staring at me.

I was just about finished when Sabrina showed up.  After giving me a hug and a serious visual assessment she said, “Your brother is about fifteen minutes away from calling hospice care.  I told him to calm down, but he’s beside himself.  That man!  Brooke filled me in, so I know you’re going to the doctor on Monday.  You’ll come and stay with us until then, and we’ll take care of you.”

I tried to talk my way out of that, pointing out that if Sandra was correct in thinking that there is a possibility that I’ve got mono, Dante and Sabrina really don’t need to be exposed to that before the wedding.

Sabrina just shook her head at me.  “Seriously Delilah… you're a nut. If you’re sick we would postpone the wedding.  And you’re coming to stay, no ifs, ands, or buts. Dante’s already getting a room ready, and then he’s heading out to buy chicken soup, ginger ale, and saltines.  I told him that always makes me and Brooke feel better, and I swear to god that lunatic will probably buy pallets of all three.  He’s beside himself.  If you won't come for yourself, please come so that your brother climbs down off the ledge.”

Once again, I started getting choked up.  I’ve got the best family on earth.  I knew that arguing about staying over wasn’t going to get me anywhere. "I don't know why he's always been like this, but if it will make Dante feel better, I'll go."

Sabrina looked at me in surprise for a moment before speaking.  "Oh honey, you were too young to remember so you don't realize...  Delilah, when you were a baby, you got pneumonia and almost died.  Your parents refused to get you medical care, and Dante thought he was going to lose you.  He went against their orders and called for help.  You were in the hospital for two weeks, and your father beat Dante senseless for intervening, and while he beat him your mother screamed at him and told him that if he'd been a better boy and had taken better care of you, you never would have gotten sick.  That experience changed his whole life.  He was always terrified something would happen to one of you, something that he could have prevented.  That's why he's like this, honey.  This family literally means the world to him."

That explained a lot about my brother, both of my brothers really, and it broke my heart.  Thinking about it, I realized that Spencer's parents were just as bad.  No wonder he doesn't want to have kids.  I hugged Sabrina to me tightly as I thanked her for telling me all of that.

"I'll never be able to thank you enough for loving my brother.  I've never seen him so happy, and even though I already loved you, I love you more for giving him the life he always deserved."

She hugged me back tight, wiping the hint of a tear away from her cheek as I pulled back.  Brooke cleared her throat from beside me, holding out a glass of ginger ale.  "Today isn't the day for serious stuff.  Let's veg out and do a girlie movie marathon."

Accepting the glass of ginger ale that Brooke handed me, I took a spot on the couch while Dominique and Brooke rooted through my DVDs in search of the perfect chick flick.  After a few minutes of debate, we chose 'Thirteen Going on Thirty' and settled in to watch.  It was nice having everyone there, and I think the ginger ale actually did settle my stomach, because I felt a bit more solid.

I wasn't surprised when my brothers showed up about an hour into the movie.  We all told them to be quiet, and I know all of us got a laugh out of forcing them to sit through the rest of our chick flick… and the one that we watched after that first one was over.

When the movies were over, I went into my room and packed.  Damien stood in my doorway like a cop, I think out of fear that I’d do something crazy, like lift my own bag.  “After this, Brooke and I will go home and pack too.  We can all stay together and take care of you.  Aunt Sandra already left to get a bag herself.”

I stared at him in exasperation.  “Damien! Stop it.  I’m not dying.  I swear to god, the stuff Brooke made me eat today actually helped.  I’ve had like four cans of ginger ale and a sleeve of crackers and I feel better than I have in days.  I’m agreeing to go to Dante’s because I didn’t want him to have a total breakdown, but this is too much. I love you both to death, but you are the two biggest worrywarts on earth, and Mama San isn’t any better.  I’m going to be fine, I promise.  Besides, Dominique says she’d feel it if there were something really wrong, and she doesn’t feel anything like that.  Doesn’t that make you feel better?”

He was across the room like a shot, pulling me into his arms.  “I know I’m a pain in the ass Delilah, but you’re my baby.  I can’t help but worry.”

Like the sucker that I am, I gave in.  Before I knew it, the entire family was camped out at Dante’s house.  If I didn’t feel so lousy, I’d laugh that they were all taking “Delilah Watch” so seriously.

Dante insisted that I get into bed as soon as we got home, and Damien brought me my dinner and then sat on the bed next to me in the guest room I was in to watch the news.  Or rather, I watched the news, and he watched me eat the bowl of chicken noodle soup with crackers he’d brought to me on a tray.  I was stuffed by the time I was halfway finished, and I let him know.  He gave me the evil eye, but I couldn’t take another bite.

As he was arranging the dishes on the plate to take them, he told me that he was going to go downstairs and call Spencer.  “I can’t believe you haven’t asked for him before now.  He’s always been the one you wanted when you didn’t feel well.”

My reaction was swift and brutal.  “No! Please, I can’t deal with having him here!”

Shit. I was too emphatic and it raised his antenna.  “I love Spencer, you know I do.  But if one more person makes their way into this room to stare at me, I’m going to lose it.  Let’s deal with who’s here right now and leave everything else until after my doctor’s appointment on Monday.  Please?”

It’s a good thing he said yes so quickly, because I was about to lose the chicken noodle soup that I’d just eaten all over the bedspread.  When he left the room, I ran to the toilet so fast I’m surprised I didn’t leave tracks.  Luckily I made it to the toilet in time, and it was over quickly.

Chapter Twenty: Spencer

I’m not sure if it would be possible for me to feel more like shit than I do right now.  Delilah hasn’t looked good in weeks.  If anything, she looks a little bit more exhausted to me every single day.  I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she’s been very straightforward about her desire for me to leave it alone.

“I love you Spencer, and I always will, but I can’t handle you.  Apparently, I can’t handle anything right now.  I’m exhausted and I feel like shit. I guess I just need to wrap my mind around the fact that my life isn’t going to turn out the way I’d always hoped that it would.  I’m sure that once I can manage to do that, I’ll start to feel more human.  Until then, seeing you only hurts me more.  I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

I took that badly, even though I told her I’d honor her wishes. It was like a knife in the gut to hear her say those words.  A part of me wished that I could just give her what she wants, but I would never take a chance like that with a child’s life. I don’t have the paternal gene, and that’s that.

Of course there’s no one I can talk to about this.  Normally, by now, Damien would have noticed that my shit is way off, but he’s so wrapped up in Brooke that I don’t think he notices much else.  I can’t say I blame him.  His happily ever after is unfurling in front of him, and I don’t begrudge him that.  How can I when he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him?  He and Dante both are like new men, completely wrapped up in the loves of their lives. I’m jealous as hell, but that’s my cross to bear, not theirs.

It definitely seems like everyone has something happening except for me.  Going to clubs is out, because I couldn’t feign interest in a woman if I had a gun to my head.  I want to be spending all of my time with Delilah, but that’s not an option.  I’ve found that the only thing that passes the time is my old standby, going to the gym.  I’m running and weight training for hours and hours every night after work, and I think that’s the only reason I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.  Unfortunately, even though I can get to sleep, my sleep overall still sucks.  I’m waking up all through the night and I’m grinding the hell out of my teeth.

Work has been really quiet today, mostly due to the fact that Damien and Dante are out of the office for a deposition.  Normally, both of them would have stopped into my office by now to say hi, shoot the shit, or discuss work.  Tally typically drops in every morning with coffee for Dominique, but she’s nowhere to be found either.

Dominique and I have some more stuff to do today with the unit we found a problem with.  It’s coming along, but the buyers are making crazy requests and it isn’t over yet. My front office wall is floor to ceiling glass, and since Dominique is working in my division, I’ve got a direct line of sight to her.  I’m trying not to be nosy, but it seems like she’s really keyed up today for some reason.  She’s checked her cell phone at least two dozen times in the last hour, and it’s a definite indicator that she’s anxious about something.  I just hoped there wasn't anything wrong between her and Tally.  When I saw her pick up her phone again, I called out to her desk and asked her to come in.  It didn’t escape my notice that she came in with her cell phone in hand.

I wasted no time in getting right to the point.  “What’s up with the constant checking of the cell phone?”

When she started looking everywhere but at me, I get a very, very bad feeling.  Just like that, it dawned on me that I hadn’t had a chance to peek in on Delilah today, and my heart stopped.  Something was wrong.

“Where is your sister and what’s wrong with her?”

She continued looking anywhere but directly at me.  “She’s out sick again, but she’s fine.”

My hand smacked down on the desk before I even realized that I was going to do it.  “If that was all, you wouldn’t be looking at your phone every minute, and you wouldn’t be looking anywhere but at me right now.  Why would you try to keep something like that a secret? Don't you think we all have a right to know, to try and help?"

Looking damn uncomfortable, she shook her head.  "Everybody else knows.  It's why family dinner got canceled last night."

Jesus Christ! Damien had texted me last night to tell me that dinner was canceled because Sabrina had a migraine.  It never occurred to me that he was lying to me.

I couldn’t help it, and I yelled at Dominique before I could hold myself in. "What the fuck?"

"Look Spence, I'm really sorry about this.  She just really wasn't up for more people looking at her.  As it is, Dante forced her to spend the weekend at his house, and the rest of us stayed there too.  I think it was just too much for her, and she asked us not to burden you with it."

Every ounce of control I had was being put to the test as my heart felt like it was shutting down.  "I’m fucking 'people' now? I thought I was family.  Delilah could never be a burden to me.  You're telling me the entire god damn family was there and no one bothered to alert me? Do you have any idea what it would do to me if something were to happen to her if I wasn't there?  I'd fucking die Dominique.  I'd literally just quit caring about life and die. You know how I feel about her!"

I felt terrible because I could clearly see that I was upsetting Dominique, but I couldn't control my reaction.

"I know all of that Spencer, and I swear to god, if I thought it was life or death, I would have called you, no matter what she said.  I really think she's fine.  Mama San thinks she probably has mono, and I'm inclined to agree. She's at the doctor now and I'm waiting to hear the verdict.  I'll let you know."

It wasn't much, but I had to agree to that and let her leave the office.

I was wrong.  Turns out it was possible to feel worse.  I felt more like shit than I did earlier.

Chapter Twenty-One: Delilah

After I threw up the chicken noodle soup, my stomach stayed settled for the rest of the night. I would have slept like the dead if I didn't wake up every time Mama San, Dante or Damien came into the room to check on me.  I know they thought they were being covert, but I knew each time one of them was standing over the bed staring at me.  At one point, there was a traffic jam in my room when all three of them showed up right around the same time. I felt bad that they were so upset, especially Dante, now that I know why he's so uptight about things like this.

When I woke up in the morning, Brooke was sitting on my bed with a glass of ginger ale.  It went down smooth and I felt perkier than I had in weeks.  Not good, but not like death warmed over.  I hoped that I was starting to turn the corner.

I got dressed and ready rather quickly, making it to breakfast in record time.  My stomach rolled when I smelled the coffee, but I was able to avoid vomiting.  I even managed to get down an entire piece of dry toast.  After breakfast, everyone hugged and kissed me goodbye as they made their way out for the day.

That left Tally and I alone, so we spent a few minutes talking about Damien's engagement plans for Brooke.  All of us are so excited about the fact that he wants to do it with all of us there.

Before I knew it, the time had come for us to head to my doctor's office.  We got there a few minutes early, but their last appointment finished early, so they took me right away.

I've had the same doctor ever since Mama San took guardianship of us, and I like Dr. Reynolds very much.  She's one of Mama San's neighbors, and she's super nice.  I went through the normal routine with the nurse who came and took my temperature, checked blood pressure, listened to my heart and looked in my ears.  We spent a few minutes going over my symptoms and issues before she closed my chart and told me the doctor would be right in.

After a few minutes passed, Dr. Reynolds walked in.  "Hi Delilah, it's a pleasure to see you. I'm sorry I wasn't around this weekend, I was in Santa Barbara with my daughter, or I would have stopped by to check on you. The notes from my nurse say that you're exhausted, nauseous and feeling generally under the weather.  Are those the only symptoms?"

I nodded.  "Yes."

"I see here that you told the nurse that there's no chance that you could be pregnant.  When you say no chance do you mean you haven't had sexual relations at all, or do you mean that you don't think that there's a chance?"

Oh. My. GOD.

My heart started beating double time right then and there as I silently prayed that pregnancy wasn't what was wrong with me.  Mono was suddenly looking very, very good.

"I've had sex, but I'm on the pill.  And I had my period last week.  It was lighter than usual, just spotting really… but I figured that was because I was so sick."

"You took every pill on time?"

That pulled me up short when I remembered that I hadn't taken it when Spencer and I got back from Malibu or for the two days after that.  "No… oh god.  No, I didn't.  I forgot to take it for three days."

Nodding her head, she pressed the button for the nurse.  "Alright Delilah, here's what we're going to do.  The nurse is going to come back, and you're going to take a pregnancy test.  All of your symptoms align with that, so we’re going to have to rule that out first. Once we have the result, we can go from there."

I went through the rest of the process in a daze, continuing to pray that I wasn't pregnant.  I know damn well that Spencer will flip out if I turn up pregnant. It's just not something I could do to him.

Waiting for Dr. Reynolds to come back seemed to take ages, but the clock indicated that it was really only about ten minutes. I knew before she even opened her mouth.

"I've got news.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with you.  You're pregnant."

I stared at her in shock for a ridiculously long time.  She broke the silence by saying, "I take it by the look on your face that this isn't good news?"

I shook my head.  "No.  This is the worst news possible.  I can't keep it."

She looked sad for me, but she nodded understandingly.  "That choice is yours. I'd advise you to sit on this for a few days and see how you feel.  Give it time to settle."

I hemmed and hawed before asking her how I could conceal it from my family.  "My timing is terrible.  Dante is getting married in twelve days, and everyone is freaking out about how sick I've been.  I can't handle telling them that I'm pregnant right now because they will go mental.  So I have to say something.  Sandra thought that maybe I had mono.  Right now, mono sounds like a dream."

Squeezing my shoulder encouragingly, she sat down on her rolling chair.  "For anyone else I wouldn't answer this.  For you Delilah, I'm going to give you some help.  Tell them we didn't find anything wrong, and that I told you that a horrible flu has been going around, and that you must be coming to the end of it.  That will give you some time to make your decision. In the meantime, you're going to want to load up on crackers, ginger ale and anything else you can get down.  Your exhaustion will likely start to work itself out in the coming weeks, provided that you take care of yourself.  I'm writing you a script for prenatal vitamins.  Stop taking your birth control pill immediately and start taking the prenatal.  It's the best thing you can do if you decide to keep your baby."

My baby…my baby… my baby.  That's really the only thing that I could think.

After taking the script from her, we sat and discussed when the date of conception was.  "That puts your due date right around the second week of March.  If you decide to go forward, your OB/GYN will give you an exact date.  Good luck, Delilah.  Call me if you need anything."

I needed something now, preferably a time machine.  I shook her hand and thanked her before she left the room, and then I spent a few minutes getting my shit together before heading out to the waiting room where Tally was waiting for me.

I was about to find out if I've got any acting talent at all.  Here's hoping I do.

***

The entire family was beyond relieved when I told them that Dr. Reynolds said that I was fine, just suffering from a very bad case of the flu. Mama San laid down the law and told me that I wasn’t to come into work for the rest of the week.  “We need to get you back in fighting shape sweetie.  Let this thing run its course.”

Dante was even firmer than that.  "You stay out until you feel you can come back.  If that's a week or a month, I don't care.  I just want you better, Delilah.  I can't have my little girl sick."

I’d half-heartedly argued so that no one would get suspicious, but the truth is that I need the time off to think.  After Tally had taken me to Dante’s to get my stuff, she dropped me back at my house, unknowingly leaving me alone to obsess.

Pregnant is the absolute last thing I should be, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am.  Grabbing my laptop, I went and curled up in my bed with it so that I could research places in the area that I could have a termination.

Everything, literally everything, felt wrong about that decision, and I hated it more than I can say, but I just can’t see another way out.  If I have the baby, Spencer will hate me, and if I have a termination, I’ll hate me.  It’s a lose-lose situation, but I think it would be easier for me to hate myself than to live with Spencer hating me, and hating our baby.  If he ever looked at our child with hatred in his eyes, I’d want to die.

There is no limit to the agony that I feel.  Right now, at this very moment, the baby I’ve always wanted to have with the man I’ll always love, is growing inside of me.  I’m going to have to push thoughts like that away, though.  I can’t allow myself to attach, to think of this as a real pregnancy.

It took reserves I didn’t even know I possessed to pull myself together enough to call Planned Parenthood to make an appointment for a termination.  The first available appointment was a week away, and I was beside myself that I was going to have to live with this secret for an entire week.  I guess it won’t be all that different than having to live with the secret of a termination for the rest of my life.  After closing the laptop, I reclined on my bed and stared at the ceiling, wishing that things could be different.

I felt that Spencer was at the door before he knocked.  Every part of me wanted to hide, to scream and cry, and rail at fate for giving me something I wanted more than life itself but forcing me to give it up in order to maintain the one relationship I can’t live without.

Forcing myself up from the bed, I made my way to the door and swung it open to greet Spencer.

He looked upset, and I knew that meant he’d been filled in on my “illness” and was feeling left out and confused.  I turned and walked into my living room, curling up in the corner of the couch.

I expected him to call me out on keeping him out of the loop, but after settling in on the couch, he went further than that.

“Dammit Delilah, do you have any idea what it feels like to be told that the person you love the most is sick and has chosen not to tell you? Dominique told me there was a goddamn slumber party at Dante’s this weekend, for two fucking days, so that everybody could watch you.  Everyone but me!  I should have been there, but instead, you instructed them not to tell me.  For your entire life, when you’ve been sick, I’ve been the one you had to have there.  Do you know what it does to me inside that you don’t want me there anymore?”

Like every other decision I’ve made lately, this one was wrong.  I can see the hurt all over his face, and I know that I’ve wounded him far deeper than I had anticipated.  It’s sick and totally dysfunctional, but I really did feel better now that he was here.  Hopping up from my spot on the couch, I went and curled up in his lap, tucking my head under his chin.

“I’m sorry, Spence.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I thought it would be easier for you if I didn’t burden you with this.  I feel like it’s time to set you free.  You shouldn’t feel responsible for me.  I’m not your problem anymore.”

I could literally feel his rejection of that statement as his body turned to steel beneath me.  I expected him to snap at me, but instead there was silence for a minute, the only sound his pounding heart under my ear, and the sound of him swallowing.

After clearing his throat a few times, he spoke.  “That’s not what I want Delilah, and that will never be what I want or what I need.  I don’t know how to be separated from you angel, and I don’t want to be.  You’re never a burden, not ever.  I don’t just want to take care of you, I love it.  You’re my sun, Delilah.  Please don’t take that away.”

I couldn’t take anymore, so I just stayed in his lap and cried my eyes out. He didn’t want to lose his sunshine, but I was going to have to get rid of mine in order to keep him happy. In that moment, I hated how badly our parents fucked us up more than I ever had before.

He stayed for the next five days, force-feeding me soup and crackers, and waiting on me hand and foot.  I couldn’t get him to leave, and frankly, I didn’t want to.  I was happier with him in the house, and my stomach was settled, almost like the baby knew that daddy was there.

Every afternoon, someone from my family would come to eat lunch with us, and every night two or more of them would come over for dinner. For those five days, I lived out the dream of having Spencer pamper me while I carried our baby.  Each night when we would lay down to go to sleep, we’d lie like spoons and his hand would rest on my stomach.  I wished that my life could have been different, that he could know that his child was right under his hand.

Those five days were the both the most beautiful and the most agonizing I’ve ever known.

***

I got Spencer to leave on Saturday afternoon by telling him and the rest of my family that I was heading to Palm Springs for a few days to visit one of my sorority sisters. I’d forced Spencer to let me go to work on Thursday and Friday so that I was able to put in for Monday and Tuesday off at work, claiming that I’d still be in Palm Springs.

Of course, I wasn’t going to Palm Springs.  I’d reserved a room at a hotel in the Valley near the clinic I’d be using to end my pregnancy.  I’ve lined up a car service to take me there and pick me up.  It’s completely humiliating, but since there’s no one I can tell, it’s what I’ve got to do.

I was up all night, totally unable to sleep, so I made it to the clinic with time to spare.  The first order of business was to fill out all of their required paperwork, and then they made me take another pregnancy test.  “Procedure,” the woman said.

They left me sitting in a waiting room for a few minutes, waiting for the nurse to come confirm the results.  I knew better than to hope that the results would be anything other than what they were.  “The test confirms that you’re pregnant.”  The look that she gave me was detached and all business.  Clearly she’d been through this many times.

She explained a few things to me about the procedure and then told me that the doctor would be in.  It was the impersonal way that she told me what to expect that sent me over.  What the hell have I been thinking?  Visions of a miniature Spencer took up residence in my head.  I can’t have him, but I can have the child that we made together in love. There’s absolutely no way that I can get rid of my baby… Spencer’s baby… our baby.  This baby is a part of the two of us, and I will love it with all of my heart.  I already do.  I support a woman's right to choose, but my choice is to have our baby.  I can't destroy a part of the two of us.  I know why he’s afraid, but I can’t hurt our child.

I was dressed about two minutes later, and after that I told the receptionist that I’d changed my mind. "We get a lot of that," she said.  I don't think she even raised an eyebrow.

I got into the waiting town car and had the driver take me back to the hotel.  After that, I got into my own car and headed to the nearest bookstore.  I bought “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, along with a few other pregnancy related books.  My next stop was the pharmacy to get my prenatal vitamins.  After a stop at the grocery store to pick up two cases of ginger ale and few boxes of saltines, I headed home.  I found the business card of the OB/GYN that Dr. Reynolds had given me and then I called and made my very first pregnancy appointment.  It was actually exciting.

Now I just need to work up the courage to tell Spencer that I’m pregnant.  I dread doing it, because I know he’s going to flip out and hate me forever, but termination is out of the question.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Spencer

The five days I got to spend at Delilah's are among the best days I've ever had.  I saw so clearly what it would be like if we lived together, and I didn't just like it, I loved it. The best part of it all was that she loved having me there.  She never said it, but I could tell.  As the week went on she seemed to be getting her strength back, and she was eating more.  The better she felt, the calmer I got.

Another thing that really meant a lot to me was that no one in the family questioned my staying there.  As Dante said, "Of course she wants Spencer here.  That makes sense."  It did make sense, just like it always has.  It also seemed to really calm Dante down, which in turn made Delilah feel better.  She'd told me that Sabrina had shared the story about what happened when she got pneumonia, and I knew that it broke her heart to know why her brother was so over-protective.  I held her while she quietly cried because she was devastated that her brother had been so scared back then.  "I think about them hitting him, and I just… I'm so angry.  It wasn't fair to him that they made him responsible for us.  I feel so guilty. It wasn't fair to any of you."

Rocking her back and forth, I kissed her head.  "Baby, your brother adores you.  He took all their shit, all their beatings, without a word because to him, nothing mattered but the family he loved.  Don't feel guilty that you gave him something to love. It wasn't fair to anyone that any of those four assholes became parents, but we made it in spite of them.  I know that for me, having you, Dominique and your brothers saved my life."

For some reason, that made her cry harder.  "This… our parents… that's why, isn't it?  That's why you don't want children."

I'd never lied to her, and I wasn't going to start now. I had to be honest, owed it to her even. "Yes.  This is why.  I'd never want a child to have my DNA.  It was bad at your house Delilah, but it was worse at mine.  There were things…  I don’t talk about it because it hurts to even think about.  Hank molested me when I was a child. He never made me touch him, didn’t sodomize me, but he’d come into my room, pull off my clothes, and rub himself against me until he came.  It was fucking hell Delilah, the worst thing you can imagine.  I know I’d never touch a child the way Hank touched me, but I just know that I’d be a shitty father.  I never learned how to parent.  And I wouldn’t want to take the chance that my child would have any of Hank’s traits. I'm telling you this because it's the only thing I've ever hidden from you, and I'll never lie to you. I've never told anyone else baby, only you.  I survived, but I can't discuss it.  Please don't expect me to open up about it after this."

She hugged me to her tightly as she cried.  “Thank you for telling me all of this.  I'll honor your request, but you need to know that no child of yours would ever have ANY of Hank's character traits.  Don't ever think that.  I hate that he touched you, hate that he hurt you.  I love you Spencer, love that you survived.  Without you, my life wouldn’t make any sense.  I’m so sorry that you went through that.  I hate thinking of him hurting you; hate knowing that you kept this inside.  I don’t even know what to say other than just letting you know how proud I am of the man that you are.  You will always be my dream come true Spencer, no matter what.”

I hugged her back, breathing her in.  “What you’ve said is perfect.  I’ll never be okay with what he did, but you’ve always given me such love that I’m able to function.  For years you were the only thing that tethered me to sanity, Delilah.  When I wanted to freak out and hurt myself or be irresponsible, you were always there.  Always pulling me forward, past what Hank had done.  You aren’t just the love of my life, you ARE my life. Because of you, I know that evil doesn’t have to win. No matter what, you always will be my angel, the light that saved me from the darkness.”

She sobbed after I said that, holding onto me as she slowly got herself back under control, and we didn't discuss it again.

I wasn't thrilled when she announced that she was going to Palm Springs for a few days, but I knew I didn't have any choice in the matter.  She swore she felt better, and I have to admit that she did seem to be stronger.  I was a little surprised that she was leaving town just days before Dante and Sabrina's wedding, but Delilah swore that Sabrina was fine with her going.

"I'll be back on Wednesday," she said, "and besides, it's not the wedding she needs help with.  It's the reception that they're having later for all of their friends and business associates that she'll need me for.  Seeing as how they haven't set the date for that yet, everything is fine."

In the end, I stopped trying to persuade her to reschedule.  Of course, in the middle of the first night we were apart, right about the time I realized that I had gotten used to sleeping with her curled against me, I wished I'd fought harder for her to stay.  It was alarming how many times I'd woken up and reached for her in these last few days.

I wasn't thrilled when I got home to find that I had a half dozen missed calls from my mother. When I got to work on Thursday, I found that she'd been calling there too.  Talk about shit that I really don't need right now!  A dozen missed calls from my mother amounts to more calls than I've gotten from her in the last six years.  I decided that the next time she called, I'd take the call.  Calling her back just isn't something I feel up to doing.

Tonight, Damien and I were taking Dante out for a guy's only dinner to commemorate his last night as a single man.  He wasn't interested in a traditional bachelor party, and he made a compelling case to Damien and me about why he felt that way.  "My life was one big bachelor party until I met Sabrina. I definitely sowed my wild oats.  Trust me, there's nothing that some stripper can do for me that Sabrina doesn't do at home ten times hotter. And let's face it… Sabrina is one of the most beautiful women alive.  I hit the jackpot boys, and I'm not interested in looking at anyone else. Quite frankly, being without her for the entire night sounds like hell, so I'll be in no mood for strippers on top of that."

Damien and I both laughed our asses off at that.  He had a point.  Sabrina is a lot hotter than any stripper I've ever seen, that's for damn sure.

In lieu of strippers, we decided to have dinner at a steakhouse.  We met at Dante's, and Damien drove us from there.  Once we settled into our booth, Damien wasted no time in pulling the engagement ring he'd designed for Brooke from his pocket.  "I just picked it up this afternoon.  I'm nervous as hell! Do you think she'll like it?"

Does a bear shit in the woods?  "Fuck yeah she's going to like it," Dante said.  I heartily agreed with Dante's assessment, and I said so.  Brooke will be over the moon when he proposes, and she's going to be overjoyed by the ring.

For the last year and a half, I've spent a lot of time with Brooke and Damien together.  I could see from the very first night that they were attracted to each other.  At first, I thought that Damien's attraction to her was the same as his attraction to every other woman he's ever wanted sexually.  It didn't take me long at all to figure out that what he felt for her was something completely different than anything he'd ever experienced before.

During the entire time that he kept his feelings to himself, I wondered who he thought he was fooling.  Us? Her? Him?  Luckily for him, for both of them, things turned out perfectly.  Seeing them together now, watching them finally show love for each other in front of everyone, is quite something.  It makes me happy for both of them.  Brooke's had a rough couple of years after losing her parents, and she's one of the nicest people I've ever met.  And lord knows that Damien deserves to be happy.  She does that for him, gives him the kind of peace and true joy that he was always afraid to even wish for.  The Damien of today is completely different than the self-loathing version of eighteen months ago.  With Brooke, he's come to believe in love and commitment.

The same is true of Dante.  Before he fell in love with Sabrina, he 'dated' the coldest and most detached women imaginable.  They were so attracted to his money and his status that they didn't quibble at all about the fact that he wanted to fuck and run.  Not one of them ever made it past the three-week mark, and they all knew going in that they wouldn't.  They were invited into no part of his life.  Not his home, not his heart and not his family.  Damien and I only knew them because we were fucking the same types of women, and going to the same clubs.

Of course, now I'm going to be the only single guy left, and it bothers me.  I don't feel single.  In my heart, I'm totally committed to Delilah.  When I went with Damien to the jeweler to drop off his design for the ring, I'd surreptitiously looked at some of the engagement rings myself.  It took everything I had not to start seriously looking for the perfect ring for Delilah right then.  I went back to the jeweler a few days later and chose a ring, a beautiful sapphire with a diamond band.  As soon as I saw it, I knew it was meant for her.  I was too big of a pussy to even bring it into my house, so it was sitting in my glove compartment.  I knew I couldn't give it to her, knew I couldn't ask her to give up the things she wanted, but I'd been completely unable to keep myself from buying the ring.  I'm not sure why it was so important to me when I knew I couldn't show it to her, but it was.  It felt like I needed to make that commitment to her in my heart, even though I couldn’t tell her.

"Yo! Earth to Spencer.  You in there buddy?"

I snapped out of it, shaking my head and laughing in response to Dante's question.  "Sorry man, I was just thinking about how crazy this is.  A year and a half ago the three of us would have been in a club picking out the flavor du jour, and now you two are completely off the market. It's pretty fuckin’ awesome."

We all laughed at that, and Dante nodded his head in agreement.  "It is pretty fucking awesome, I agree with you.  I've got the full package with Sabrina, and I love it.  I know I drove her nuts insisting that the wedding take place so quickly, but once I knew, I knew.  I can't wait for it to be official."

Chuckling at his brother, Damien said, "Totally get that bro.  About two hours after Brooke says yes, I'm going to want to lock that down for life.  I never thought I'd be so anxious to give anyone my last name, but I'm all kinds of anxious for her to be Brooke Hart."

Dante was nodding his head in clear agreement. "Thank god you're the same way, or I'd think it was just me.  I ordered Sabrina new business cards two months ago that say Sabrina Hart on them, but she refuses to use them until after the wedding because she swears it would be bad luck.  I'm not going to be happy until she's officially tied to me. Before I left work tonight I made Ian update Sabrina’s email name. I just keep trying to find ways to have Sabrina Hart put on everything. I hear most people are nervous about getting married, but I'd have done it sooner if I could.  I'm probably going to run up the aisle and grab her tomorrow."

The pang of jealousy was back, only this time it wasn't a pang, it was a body jolting hammering in my head.  I'd give my left arm for Delilah to become Delilah Cross.  Even the idea of it gets my blood pumping in a very primal way.  To me, it's the strongest sign of commitment possible.

My crazy cave man thoughts were diverted when Dante started talking about his honeymoon plans.  "We're going to Hawaii for two weeks.  Can you imagine? Two whole weeks with my wife, alone!  If I've got any luck, we're coming home pregnant."

That brought me up short.  "Dude, what? I thought you didn't want kids!  You've always been so adamant about that."

When he answered, he spoke with a passion that surprised me.  "I never wanted children until I fell in love with Sabrina, that's true.  But now I don't just want them, I need them.  The idea that my children will be a part of Sabrina makes me want to stand on top of mountain and beat on my chest.  She wants to have children while we're young, and I agree with that.  Her mother was twenty-two when she had Sabrina, so Sabrina is all about having them now.  She says that even though her father was only twenty- seven, and was just finishing his first year as a resident, that they were thrilled with her arrival."

Damien was listening attentively, and I wondered what was going on in his head.  Once he spoke, I understood where his mind had been.  "I'm right there with you.  About fourteen seconds after Brooke and I are married, I'm hoping to have her pregnant.  I get all goofy in the brain when I think about watching her carry our children.  I knew she wanted children, but I wasn't sure what my chances were of getting her to start our family ASAP.  I feel like I've got a pretty good chance now!"

I couldn't help my reaction.  "Dude! What the fuck? I thought for sure you were going to stay anti children."

The look he gave me said that he was a little sad for me. "I would have stayed anti children for the rest of my life, but with her… it's all so fucking different.  Now I daydream about having little Brookes running all over the place calling me daddy.  I'm hoping for five or six, but I'll take whatever Brooke feels like giving me."

After he stopped laughing, Dante chimed in with, "Right on.  I'm hoping for at least four.  Sabrina says we’ll start at two and go from there.  If you and I play our cards right, our kids could be born around the same time.  I bet they would love that.  It's going to be awesome to have the family grow.  I always secretly wanted a big one."

With everything that's just happened with Delilah and I deciding not to be together because she wants children and I don't, this conversation could not be more awkwardly timed. These two might be throwing in the towel and ready to give fatherhood a shot, but I'm not going there.

***

Damien and I had our work cut out for us keeping Dante calm.  He was like a caged animal, pacing the living room in long strides.  Giving me a "what the fuck" look, Damien walked up and laid his hand on Dante's shoulder.

"Dude, so much for not being nervous.  You look like you're about to have a complete breakdown.  Are you having second thoughts or something?  If you are I'm going to beat your ass."

Dante looked at Damien like he'd lost his marbles.  "Second thoughts? Are you fucking crazy? Fuck no.  I'm ready to go right now. I want her to be my wife so fucking bad I'm half-crazy with it. I'm a nervous wreck because I'm worried that she's going to have second thoughts.  I love that woman so much I couldn't sleep at all without her last night.  That's when I got to thinking, what if she changes her mind?  What if she realizes that I'm a huge step down for her and she bails?"

Damien and I exchanged eye rolls over that, even as we both took umbrage to him saying he was a step down.  If there's one thing I'm shit sure of, it's that Sabrina will not be having second thoughts.  Her love for him is clearly evident in everything that she does.

Stepping forward, I wrapped an arm around Dante's shoulder as Damien did the same.  Nodding at me, Damien let me know I could talk first.

"Dante, that girl is so in love with you; there is no way she's having second thoughts.  She sees you for who you are, warts and all, and she loves every part of you.  You're perfect for each other, and you deserve this.  You aren't a step down.  You've been our fucking rock.  Without you, none of us would be here. Damien and I used to talk all the time about how we hoped that when we grew up we'd be just like you.  I think we turned out pretty good, but you're always going to be our hero. Grab your happily ever after with both hands.  You've earned it."

Damien nodded in agreement.  "Spence is right.  Everything we learned about being good men came from you.  You aren't a step down.  You're getting damn lucky with Sabrina, but she's just as lucky to have gotten you."

Dante was all kinds of choked up, so Damien and I hugged his shoulders harder.  It brought back a memory for me of the three of us huddled together, one of us on either side of Dante, his arms slung around our shoulders while we hid from one of our parents’ parties before the twins were born.  "Don't worry," he'd said.  "I promise that I'll always take care of you guys."  He totally has, and I love him for that.

I could tell by looking at Damien that he was remembering something from our past too, and I wondered which fucked up memory he'd conjured up.  I guess it never really goes away.

Pulling away, Dante pulled Damien into a hug.  When he let him go, he pulled me in for one too.  After he let me go, he faced the two of us.  "I couldn't be prouder of you two if I tried.  When I look at our family, I know that everything we sacrificed was worth it.  Having you two here with me as I go to take this next huge step in my life… it's full circle.  We made it.  You think we made it because I took care of you, but the truth is, we made it because you both gave me something to care about.  Before that, I had nothing."

It took us a few minutes to get our shit together after that, and there were lots of hugs and backslapping.  We'd just gotten ourselves together when Aunt Sandra walked in.  "I just left the girls.  Wait until you see her, Dante! She's stunning. I'm so happy for you honey."

Dante jumped in with questions right away.  "She's all dressed and ready?  She's going to show up?"

Aunt Sandra looked at him like he'd lost his marbles before she burst out laughing.  "Honey, of course she's going to show up.  When I left she was chomping at the bit to get the ceremony started.  She told us she missed you like crazy.  You just saw each other yesterday!  You two crazy kids make me happy."

Dante lit up like a kid at Christmas, bouncing on his heels with barely contained excitement.  Sandra and Damien wandered off for a moment to talk about some property he'd just bought, and that left Dante and I alone.

Glancing over at me, he gave me a searching look before he spoke.  "When I couldn't sleep last night, I started thinking about your face at dinner when Damien and I were gushing about how badly we want children. You're still thinking that you don't want them?"

I nodded my head in the affirmative, but stayed silent.

"I think that's a crying fucking shame Spence.  You'd be a great dad.  I know this is an awkward time to get all deep with you, but… I know you're in love with Delilah, and that she's in love with you. When I told you I saw her with a boyfriend, I did it because I hoped you’d put a stop to it. I've always known that you guys belong together, and back when I thought I'd never get married or have children, I had always banked on Dominique and Delilah giving me tons of nieces and nephews to love. With Delilah, I had hoped that you would get married and I'd get to spoil your children rotten.  I know my little girl Spence, and I know she wants babies.  Are you really going to let her get away?"

It felt like he was cracking my ribs open and pulling my heart out.  I'd always been afraid that he wouldn't think I was good enough for her, but here he is telling me he'd always hoped we'd get together.  Shaking my head, I looked at him.  "I can't give her what she wants.  I can do almost anything Dante, but I can't be a dad."

He looked sad but resigned, and I heard Sandra and Damien making their way back into the room.  "I hear you Spence, but I have shit to say.  We'll talk after I get back from my honeymoon."

I wouldn't be looking forward to that conversation.

Chapter Twenty-Three:  Delilah

Dante and Sabrina's wedding day has arrived, and I've promised myself that I will get through this with a damn big smile on my face.  I'm going to have to face the music with everybody at some point, but I'm not telling everybody that I'm pregnant until they get back from their honeymoon.  My brother deserves a wedding day that is free of worry about anyone or anything other than his bride.  God knows he's paid a high price to get here.  He deserves to meet his future without having to worry about anyone but him and Sabrina.

Sabrina looked so beautiful that she took my breath away when I walked into her bedroom for my first look at her.  She and Brooke had really been struggling earlier this morning with how sad it was that their parents weren't here to share the day, but they seem better right now.  Watching them struggle broke my heart.  What would it feel like to have loved your parents so much that it hurt you not to have them anymore?  I'd no sooner had that thought than I realized that someday I'd probably be getting ready for my own child's wedding all by myself, no daddy in sight.

Standing in the living room of Sabrina and Brooke's family home, I looked at each one of the family photos.  I could see so much love there, so much affection.  Their father beamed with pride when he was with his girls, and it showed through in every photo.  Their mother must have been even more camera crazy than Mama San, because there were frames filled with photos.  The display that grabbed my attention and wouldn't let go was a large collage that said "Daddy's Girls" at the top.  There were photos of Mr. Tyler holding both girls when they were born, a picture of him passed out with Sabrina asleep against his side while baby Brooke slept on his chest, pictures of some father daughter dances, family vacations, and an adorable picture of the girls playing dress up in his lab coats, both of them smiling side by side in the oversized coats that said "Dr. Tyler" on them.

I'd never be able to give my baby a father, never be able to make a "Daddy's Girls" frame that showcased treasured memories.  Instead, just like me, my baby was going to grow up without a father's love.  That, more than anything else, ripped my heart in two.  I already love our baby so much that I could barely breathe with it, but once Spencer finds out, he's going to be furious.  I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing that I caused Spencer to hate me, and our child, because I was too fucking stupid to take my birth control pills the right way.  And worse than that, I'll have to live with the fact that I'm not sorry about it anymore.  Before I know it, I'll have a piece of Spencer and me to love forever.  I can never pretend to regret that.  I didn't get my fairytale, but what I am getting is something I've wanted for as long as I can remember.  At least I get that much.

My reverie came to a close when Brooke came into the room and found me staring at the photos.  Grabbing my hand, she pulled me over to the sofa.

"Delilah… I know something's upsetting you.  Can't you please tell me what's going on?"

Taking a deep breath, I harnessed all of my inner strength.  "I'm fine Brooke, I promise.  I'm just so emotional about the wedding.  This is huge for my brother, absolutely huge.  All of my dreams for him are coming true, and it's a lot to take in.  I can't explain how relieved I am, how this fills my heart.  I'm sorry if I'm acting strange."

She had no choice but to nod her head in understanding as Tally walked into the room.  Thankfully, that was the end of that.

***

Walking up the aisle ahead of Sabrina and Brooke, I smiled when I saw Dante and Damien standing at the altar with Spencer and Mama San.  Dante and Damien both looked nervous, and that made me giggle inside.  Dante's nervous to get the wedding behind him, while Damien is sweating bullets because he's going to ask Brooke to marry him later tonight.  My gaze fell on Spencer next, and we stared at each other as I finished making my way up the aisle.  How I wished a trip down the aisle into his waiting arms was in my future.

I turned to watch Sabrina and Brooke come down the aisle, and I had to hold in a tear when I heard my brother start sniffling.  Everyone chuckled and let out an "aww" when Sabrina grabbed Brooke's arm and all but ran up the aisle, right into Dante's waiting arms.  It was so clear to see how much they loved each other, how happy they were to be here.  The wedding passed quickly, and before I knew it the officiant was saying "It's my pleasure to introduce to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Dante Hart!"  We clapped and whistled as they made their way back up the aisle, beaming at each other.

Once pictures of all of us on the beach had been taken, we all headed to the mansion that the reception was being held in.  I struggled through dinner because even though everyone was raving about how delicious the food was, the scent of all the spices was making me really nauseous.  I tried to cut up my food into small pieces and move it around so that everyone would think I was eating, but I saw Mama San staring at me and I knew she wasn't fooled.  I settled on eating a roll with butter, hoping that would ease her mind.

Watching my brother and his new wife dance for the first time was so beautiful, I cried.  He deserves his happily ever after, and I was thrilled.  As the night progressed, I could tell that Damien was really starting to get nervous.  Oh, he held it in fairly well, but I know my brother's tells, and I knew he was struggling.  He'd asked all of us to form a circle around him and Brooke when he proposed, and he took her to the dance floor, we assembled around them. Of course, Spencer had to be standing at my side when we formed the circle.  It hurt, but seeing my brother go down on one knee, and hearing the quiver in his voice when he asked Brooke to marry him, I was overjoyed.  He got the girl.  Spencer squeezed my hand in his, and my eyes burned with unshed tears.

I used my happiness about Damien and Brooke as a cover, and since everyone else was crying too, it worked.  When the champagne was handed out to toast their engagement, I held it in my hand and pretended to take a sip. As I gave my champagne flute to the waiter, I saw that both Damien and Mama San were watching me.  I smiled and shrugged my shoulders, hoping they would think I was still recovering from the flu, and not up to drinking.

It didn't help that every time I looked, Spencer was staring at me with his heart in his eyes.  I knew what he wanted, but more than ever, I knew I couldn't give it to him.  I'm going to have to tell him before Dante gets back from his honeymoon that I'm pregnant, and then I'm going to have to tell my brothers.  I know things aren't going to be easy, and it's been giving me a lot of anxiety.

When the DJ announced that it was the last dance of the night, I was relieved because I was totally worn out.  I'd kept a smile plastered on my face for ninety-five percent of the time, but I didn't have anything left to give.  Spencer appeared at my side, taking my hand in his.  "Dance with me angel."

Saying no didn't even cross my mind, because in my heart I knew this would be the last time that he'd willingly hold me close to him.  Once he knows that I'm pregnant, he'll be so angry that he'll never want to hold me again.  Wrapping my arms around him, I laid my cheek on his chest as we swayed to the music. When I felt him gently stroking my hair, I looked up.  His face… god, his face.  Anyone looking at us knew that he was in agony, because he made no attempt to mask it.  His love for me was right there, on display for anyone who cared to look.  Staring at me he whispered, "I love you so fucking much angel.  I'm not right without you.  Isn't there anything we can do?"

Right then, I wished I'd said no when he asked me to dance.  Now I was going to have to hurt him, and I hated that. I thought of a million and one things I could say before finally blurting out, "Now isn't the time, but I do need to talk to you ASAP.  It's urgent."

The look of hope on his face cut me to the quick, and I disengaged from his gaze quickly.  "I have to go to the bathroom."

I hauled ass to the ladies room, dropping down onto the bench that was in the outer waiting room, and burying my face in my hands.  I hurt inside my heart in the worst way, and I wasn't sure how I was ever going to be able to say what needed to be said to him.

I was so out of it that I didn’t hear the door open, so when Brooke spoke, it shocked me.  “Delilah! What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I struggled to think of something, anything, to say.  Nothing came to mind.  Dropping onto her knees in front of me, she grabbed my hands.  “Delilah, I know something is wrong.  You’re scaring the shit out of me. Tell me!”

I figured I’d just say I was still feeling like shit and let that be it.  My intention was to tell Spencer before anyone else.  But then, Dominique walked in and ran over to me with a concerned cry.  “What’s happening here?  What’s wrong?”

I wasn’t going to be able to keep it to myself anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at Dominique and then Brooke, before dropping my face into my hands.  “I’m pregnant.”

In unison they both gasped.  “WHAT?”

Lifting my head up, I nodded.   “Yep. I’m that fucking idiot girl who didn’t take her birth control right and got pregnant.  Even worse, I’m carrying the baby of someone who doesn’t want kids and who will hate me once he knows that I’m pregnant.  I had an appointment to have a… termination… on Monday, but I couldn’t do it.  I can’t and I won’t do anything to hurt the life we created. I love our baby already, even though this ruins any shot we ever had at happiness.”

There was complete silence for a moment, and then Dominique asked the obvious question. “You started sleeping with him again, didn’t you? It’s Spencer’s baby.  It has to be.”

I nodded, feeling bad that I’d kept it a secret from my sister.  Once things blew up that day in Malibu, I just didn’t feel like telling anyone.

“Yes, I’ve been sleeping with Spencer again, and yes, it’s his baby.”

Brooke and Dominique both opened their mouths to say something, but we were interrupted by Mama San’s saying, “Oh honey… is that what you’ve been hiding?”

I’d never even heard her come in but suddenly there she was, on the floor with Brooke and Dominique staring at me.  I felt terrible and I started to cry.  “Yes, and I’m sorry, because I know I’ve let you down.”

Pushing the girls aside, she took me into her arms and held me tight.  “Delilah Hart! I am insulted that you think that.  You haven’t let me down honey.  Everything is fine.  We’ll get through this together as family, just like we always do.  I’m going to be a grandmother! How could you think that would upset me?”

I cried a river in her arms, the only mother I’ve ever had holding me tight to her as she told me over and over again that everything would be fine, that she knew I’d be a wonderful mother.

Dominique handed me a tissue, and I started to wipe up.  Dabbing at my cheeks, Mama San started talking about Spencer.  “Your brothers will be over the moon as soon as your wedding is over and they put their shotguns down.  Knowing Spencer, they won’t even have to tell him the guns are loaded. That boy has been in love with you forever.  He must be so excited that you’re going to give him a family.”

I shook my head as my lip quivered.  “He doesn’t know yet, and he doesn’t want children Mama San.  We broke up a few weeks ago when he told me that.  When he finds out that I’m pregnant, he’s going to go nuts.”

She gave me a wry look.  “I can’t believe he really feels that way, especially not knowing all about the way he took care of you girls when you were little.  Spencer and your brothers were destined to have an army of kids around them.”

Brooke nodded in agreement. “Aunt Sandra’s right.  Whatever he said, he didn’t really mean it.  Remember how Dante said he never wanted to get married?  Well look at where we are right now.  And Damien always said the same thing, and now we’re engaged.  People change.  Love changes things.  You have to believe that.”

Clearing her throat, Dominique stepped forward.  “I hope you guys are right, but I’ve recently discussed the issue of children with Spencer, and he really doesn’t want them.  I think he’ll support Delilah no matter what, but I don’t think for a second that he’s going to take this well.  We need to be on hand to support her.”

Our conversation stopped when there was a knock at the door.  Dominique looked at me for permission to tell whoever it was to come in, and after I nodded my head, she did.

Thankfully it was just Damien, coming to check on all of us.  He was nervous, and I could tell he’d assumed that something was wrong.  I jumped in before anyone else could say anything.  “Sorry about that Damien.  We were all in here crying over Brooke’s engagement ring and talking about what kind of wedding she wants.  You know how girls are!”

Brooke looked uncomfortable with the lie, but like the good sister-in-law that she's going to be, she nodded her head and turned to distract him.  “Honey, if they have their way, we’ll be getting married in a big church a year from now!”

It worked like a charm, and he bought it hook line and sinker. “What? Are you crazy? I’m not waiting two months much less twelve. If I had my way, we’d be getting married right now.”

The crisis was averted, but I knew that I had to tell Spencer immediately.  Brooke wouldn’t be able to live with keeping something this big from Damien, and she’d also probably tell Sabrina who would want to tell Dante, and then of course Dominique was going to tell Tally.  If I didn’t get ahead of this, someone else was going to do it for me.

Once Damien left the bathroom, I hugged them all and promised that I’d tell Spencer ASAP.  When I walked out of the bathroom, I was stunned to find that he had already gone.  Seeing that I was looking for him, Damien called out to me, “He got a phone call and had to leave right away.”

Dammit, I was ready to tell him tonight.  Now what?

Chapter Twenty-Four: Spencer

She didn’t look thrilled, but she said she had to talk to me as soon as possible, and that gave me hope.  If I could just get her to look at things from my view, if she could just understand that we could be enough, that we don’t need children, I knew I could win her back.  I'd taken the ring out of my glove compartment, and was now walking around with in my pocket like a talisman.  I wanted to ask her, needed to get her to come around to my way of thinking.  It was selfish, but I loved her too much to let her go.

I was sitting at the table with Damien and Tally, watching them throw one-liners at each other as they laughed, thinking how wonderful it was that she’d blended in so well with the family.  When my phone started vibrating , I almost ignored it, but then I figured since I wasn’t taking part in the conversation, I might as well see what was up.

My entire body clenched when I saw I had nine missed calls from my mother, along with two text messages.  Why the fuck is she trying to hunt me down?  Swiping my finger across the screen, I pulled up her texts.

Marceline: Stop avoiding me, or you will be sorry.  Call me when you get this.

Marceline: Tick tock son.  If you don’t call me, you’re forcing me to go with plan b.

Plan B?  What the fuck did that mean?

Spencer: Mother, I’m at Dante’s wedding for god’s sake.  WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Marceline: I want you to answer your calls.  You have forty-five minutes to get to my house.  If you aren’t here by then, you leave me no choice.

Spencer: What the hell? No choice about what?

Marceline: Let’s put it this way.  If you don’t get over here, I’m bringing the entire Hart family down.  No more questions.

I had no idea what that meant, but I needed to know what she was talking about.  Holding up my phone, I told Damien that I had an important call that I had to take, and that I was leaving.  He seemed surprised, but he nodded his head at me.  I was out the door in seconds, sliding into my car and peeling off into the night, my destination the house I see in my nightmares.

I made it in thirty minutes flat, and I stalked from my car to the front door in a rage.  What the fuck was she thinking, threatening me?

The door opened before I even had a chance to knock, and I was greeted by both of my parents.  The fact that they looked pretty fucking pleased with themselves was my first clue that whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

I didn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that they were alarming me.  Instead I said, “Well, you’ve got me here.  Now what the fuck do you want?”

My father gave me his smuggest smile. “Oh, I can’t wait to wipe that ugly fucking smirk off of your face you little fuck.”

I was just about to knock him out when my mother grabbed my arm.  “Now Hank, let’s not waste time with drama.”

Turning to me, she smiled.  Her teeth gleamed in the overhead light, making her look like the disgusting predator that she is.  “Come in, Spencer.  We have some things to show you.”

I stepped into the house, stopping at the front table.  “This is as far as I go.  Either you tell me here or you can both go fuck yourselves.”

It was only when my father’s hand shot out to grab a manila folder that I realized there was anything on the table.  Handing it to me, he smirked.  “Read it and weep, you little shit.”

What I saw when I opened the file folder changed everything.

Delilah and Dominique weren’t Mr. Hart’s biological children.  Their real father was named Todd Rand, and they have a brother named Flynn.  I recognized Flynn right away, and my stomach clenched up tight because he’s easily one of the most famous people on the planet right now, and he has been for the last ten years as the lead singer of the band “Renegade Saints.”

Turning the page, I saw something even more troubling.  Mr. Hart might not be the father of Delilah or Dominique, but he did have two more children.  A boy named Dillon and a girl named Leah.  Looking at their dates of birth, I swore under my breath.  Dillon is sixteen days younger than Dante, and Leah is just thirteen months younger than that.  When I read the name of their biological mother, I almost passed out.  They were my mother’s children.  The information on the paper indicated that they had been given up for adoption when Dillon was a year old, and Leah was just born.  Their adoptive parents had been killed in a freeway shooting when Dillon was ten and Leah was nine, and the children became wards of the state.  I knew Dante was going to flip out when he realized that.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to play it off.  Shrugging my shoulders I asked, “So what? I get that this is interesting, but I don’t get why you think it’s some big deal.  The Harts will deal with this the way they do everything else, quietly and with dignity.  You’re the one that should be ashamed, mother.  You let your children grow up destitute.  How could you?”

It was Marceline that shook her head at me, her eyes alight with some emotion I’d never seen her express before.  “How could I?  Please. Dillon was a little brat who never slept, and I never wanted a daughter. Mike had asked us to keep him just until he was sure that Dante wasn’t going to die of crib death or something.  He needed an heir, and the thought was that if Dante died, we’d replace him with Dillon. It’s not like we were trying to keep everyone healthy. The reason I agreed to get pregnant with you was that Big Mike liked to fuck me large, and your father decided it couldn’t just be big Mike knocking me up. When his fucking stepmother saw that I was pregnant, it forced us to keep you.  We had never intended to.  We didn’t like or want children.”

Smiling at me she continued, “Depending on what you do now Spencer, there might not be a chance to deal with it quietly and with dignity.  This is a huge story.  Flynn Rand has sisters that he never knew about.  We could sell that to TMZ in a heartbeat.  Even better, we’ve got pictures and video of Todd Rand with Connie Hart.  That’s worth a fortune.  As for those two bastard Hart kids, I bet they would love to open their front doors to find the press asking how it feels to find out that their family own a Fortune 500 company, something they have a biological right to as well. Wouldn’t Dante and that little gold digger he married earlier enjoy being bombarded by the press on their honeymoon?  That would be a wonderful memory.”

It cut me to the quick when I realized the emotion I was seeing in her eyes was pure joy.

“Seriously…those bastard Hart kids?  Those are YOUR children too.  Don’t you care at all?”

She looked at me like I was a complete idiot.  “God, you’re dumb.  No, Spencer.  I don’t care. I never have.”

Through clenched teeth I asked, “What is it that you people want?”

She smiled, like I’d just told her she was beautiful, before her smile turned to a glare.  “Just think… if you’d just given me the money I asked you for months ago, we wouldn’t be here now.  But you didn’t, and now this is happening. What I want is to destroy that family like they destroyed your father.  You think that once you skipped out of here into their waiting arms that Sandra Thomas didn’t pull strings to have your father blackballed in the business world?  That cunt ruined our lives.  We’ve got nothing left thanks to her and those filthy fucking Hart brats.  That’s what I want. What I’ll settle for is half of your inheritance, and Dante Hart is going to contract some work out to your father.  Some big work too, no bullshit.  You’ve got two weeks to get the ten million dollars together, and two weeks to talk to Dante about improving your father’s career.  If we don’t hear from you by then, prepare to be swallowed up in a shit storm.  And just so you know, this might just be the tip of the iceberg.  There could be more fun in our bag of tricks.  Don’t fuck with us son.  You won’t like the result. Make sure you share the photos of him and Dillon together.  I bet he’ll love that.”

With the manila folder still clutched in my hand, I walked to the front door to leave.  Turning around, I looked at them both in disgust.  “You’ll hear from me.”

Once the door closed behind me, I hauled ass to my car and headed for Delilah’s.  There was no way I was ruining Damien’s engagement night, and Dante was already up in the air flying.  This problem would have to wait until morning.  I was really upset and shaky, and I needed Delilah more than I ever had before.

Chapter Twenty-Five:  Delilah

I knew something was wrong with Spencer before I even picked up the phone.  I’m not sure how I knew, but I did.

Picking up the phone I blurted, “Spencer, what’s wrong?”

He sounded awful, not like himself at all.  “I need you, Delilah.  I’m a fucking mess.  Can I come over?”

I said yes with no hesitation.  Whatever was wrong, I needed to know.

I paced in front of my door, flinging it open when I heard his car pull up, and I watched as he got out with a folder in his hand. When he saw me standing there, he ran to me, lifting me up off my feet in an enormous embrace.

Holding him tight I asked, “Baby, what’s wrong?  What happened?”

Walking to the couch, he sat down and pulled me into his lap.  “My mother’s been trying to get in touch with me for a while.  She called me tonight and told me to get my ass over there or else, so I had to go see her and my father.  It didn’t go well.”

My hatred of Spencer’s parents flared.  The two of them are wretched, miserable excuses for human beings, and I hate that they’ve upset him.  I hated that he had to be in the same room with his father, hated that Mr. Cross was still trying to pollute Spencer's life with his evil.

Knowing how much he hated talking about them, I didn’t force him.  Instead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.  He held nothing back, giving me everything he had and more.  I knew I was doing something he’d be mad at me for later when he realized that I was pregnant when this happened, but I needed to feel him.  I always needed to feel him.

Our tongues dueled as he held me tight, our passion for one another as out of control as ever.  He moaned into my mouth before cupping my face in his hands and pulling back to stare at me.  “I need to tell you things Delilah, important things.  We should probably wait.”

I shook my head at him, tilting my lips up for another kiss.  “Let me love you Spencer.  We can talk later.”

He stopped kissing me for another moment so that he could stare into my eyes.  “I want you to know that the reason I came here tonight wasn’t for this.  I came because when the shit hit the fan, you were the person I thought of first, the only person that I wanted to be with.  I love you, Delilah.  Every single part of me loves you in ways I can’t even articulate.  You’re mine angel, and for as long as I live, I will love you. No matter what, I promise you that will always be a constant.”

I silently prayed that he would still love me when he found out that I had his child growing inside of me even as I melted into him when he covered my mouth with his again.

Pulling back, I ran my hands over his face as I peppered it with kisses.  “Take me to the bedroom baby.  Make love to me.”

Standing, he carried me to the bedroom before standing me next to my bed.  I stared at him as I took off my clothes, beyond happy to have him here with me.  He smiled at me when I was naked, and I preened under his hot gaze.

He was stripped before I was, and he sprawled on the bed and watched me undress. When I was finished, he held out his arms to me as he looked into my eyes. “Come to me baby.  I’ve missed you so much.”

I walked to the edge of the bed, drinking in the sight of my beautiful man.  Nothing turns me on as much as seeing him naked, knowing that I’m going to be touching every one of his sexy muscles.  I knew I was going crazy without him, but now I realize that I was starved for his love.  I got into his arms as I straddled him, leaning forward to kiss him.

Pulling back, he smiled at me.  “I want you to climb up here and straddle my face.”

I hesitated, but he held my eyes with his, and I could see that he was desperate for me to do it.  “I need to forget baby, need to let everything go except you. You're the only thing that matters, and I need to wipe everything else away. Put your pussy on my mouth now, Delilah.  Give yourself to me.”

I was nervous but I complied, standing up so that I could position myself over him.  As I started to bend my knees, I was a nervous wreck as I got closer and closer to his face.  It felt so… scary.  What if I smothered him?  When I finally got where he wanted me, I tentatively sat over him.  He grinned, wolf like and feral up between my legs at me.  “Grab the headboard baby, and hold on.”

Leaning forward, I grabbed the top of my wooden headboard in my hands as he pulled me down firmly onto his mouth.  He dove into me with his tongue, feasting on me like he’d never get enough.  I knew I was coating his lips and tongue with my arousal, but I was losing control and couldn’t hold myself away from him.  When he stiffened his tongue and started thrusting into me fast and hot, I thought I’d explode.

He spread me with his fingers, holding me open so he could fuck my clit with his tongue, and I helplessly shifted on top of him. When he added two fingers and started thrusting in time with his tongue licks, I shouted as I came all over his face.

I tried to pull back, but he wasn’t having it.  Wrapping his arms tighter around my waist, he pulled me in tighter as he continued to tongue me.  He was fucking me as deep and hard as he could with his tongue, and I was no longer trying to keep my weight off of him.  The more he licked, the more I ground against him, feeling my juices flooding his mouth.  When he sucked my clit back into his mouth, I came again with a wail.

Pulling off of him, I scrambled down the bed to take him in my mouth.  He was hot and so hard, his crown wet with pre cum.  I licked it all up, tonguing the crown fast and wet, just like I knew he loved.  He groaned, thrusting up as he wrapped his fingers in my hair.  I transferred my attention from his crown to the vein that ran along the underside of his cock, licking it from stem to stern as he shifted restlessly below me.  “Fuck Delilah, I love it when you do that.”  I smiled, because I knew he did.  I lifted his cock up towards his stomach as I descended down to his balls, licking and gently sucking them both.  He panted and moaned, begged me to keep going.  “That mouth of yours angel… god damn perfection. Love me Delilah, please love me.”

“I do love you Spencer.  More than anything, I love you.” I hummed around his balls, enjoying his guttural groans as I did it.  Pulling back, I licked the inside of his right thigh before giving him a gentle nip, repeating the same thing on the left side.  “Oh god, baby… that’s fucking hot.”

I rewarded him by raising my head and starting to suck him again. He was so big that I could never get too much of him into my mouth at the same time no matter what we did, but what I could get in I sucked hard as I tongued him.  Fisting my hair, he worked my head up and down.  He did it with force, but not enough to make me uncomfortable.  During the thirty days we had been together the first time, I had learned to control my gag reflex, so now I was letting him hit the back of my throat with each thrust, humming when I’d pop off the tip.  With a loud yell, he poured himself down my throat.

Letting him slide out of my mouth I smiled at him and said, “Thank you.”  His entire body stiffened under me as he stared at me with laser like intensity. He liked that I thanked him, and it made me smile. I tongued his shaft from bottom to top, all while maintaining eye contact.  He didn’t soften, not for a minute, and I felt myself getting wetter by the second.

Sliding up, I positioned myself over him.  He held my waist as I grabbed his shaft and worked the head into my soaking cleft.  I slid up and down for a few minutes before I was able to seat myself on him entirely, and when I did he told me to lean forward and hold onto him.  When I complied, he held my waist hard as he started pounding into me from below, hot, and incredibly hard.

Burying my face in his neck, I held on for dear life.  He’d found the spot in me that made me crazy, and then he went at me like crazy as he hit it over and over again.  I cried out into his neck as he kept that pace up, hitting me in that spot like it was a target as I gushed onto his cock.  Tightening up around him, I sank my teeth into his neck and sucked as I came.

He caught me by surprise when he flipped us over and got me onto my back again, his assault on me continuing as the headboard banged against the wall so hard, I wondered if it would break.  Grabbing my legs, he raised them up and pushed them against my chest as he hammered into me tirelessly.  “Oh fuck baby, what you do to me… it’s amazing.”

I shrieked as I nodded, agreeing that what we were doing did feel pretty fucking amazing.  Turning me on my side, he stayed where he was and kept pounding me.  I came again, clenching and unclenching around him as I coated him with my cream.  “Fuck me Spencer.  Fuck me hard.”

Flipping me onto my back again, he grabbed my hips and lifted me onto him as he kept going.  “I’m going hard angel, but I’m not fucking you.  I’m never just fucking when we’re together. I’m making love to you Delilah, always loving you.”

Dropping my hips, he came over me so that his elbows were on either side of my head as he slowed down a bit so that each thrust was deep.  I wrapped my legs and arms around him, pulling him down so that I could hold him to me tight.  “I love you Spencer.”

He held my gaze with his as his eyes begged me to let him back in forever.  “Then stay baby. Be mine.  I love you.”  Leaning down, he kissed me deep but I yelped into his mouth in pain and he pulled back, confused.  “Angel, are you okay?”

I nodded.  “Sorry.  My breasts are crazy tender right now, and when you rubbed against them I lost it for a second.”

That got a raised eyebrow, and I knew he was wondering why, so I clenched around him as tightly as I could and held on.  His eyes rolled back as he focused entirely on how he was feeling, forgetting about what I’d just said.  Lifting my legs again, he pushed my ankles back as close to my head as he could while he started pumping in and out again with furious passion.  We lasted another few minutes before we came together, moaning and yelling as he filled me full of his come.

When he went to pull out, I stopped him.  “No.  I want you to stay inside of me. Just for a few minutes, please?”

Chuckling, he grabbed me and rolled us over so that I was on top of him.  “I love this about you Delilah, the way you like to stay connected.  I feel so loved when we’re together.”

I held onto him tight, squeezing him as I kissed his chest.  “You feel loved because you are loved.  I love you Spencer, and I will always love you, even when you don’t love me anymore.  Always remember that.”

Chapter Twenty-Six:  Spencer

I tensed up underneath her as I tried to process what she’d just said.  What the fuck did she mean when she said I wouldn’t love her anymore?  Didn’t she know I’d take my last breath on this Earth thinking about and loving her?

“Why would you say something like that?  I’m never going to stop loving you, Delilah.  You’re my sun.  I’ve told you that before and nothing has changed.”

I felt how tense she had gotten in my arms, and I started rubbing her back and shoulders.  She let me hold her like that for a few minutes, but she didn’t say a word in response to the question I’d asked her.  I wondered if I should get up and get the ring out of my pants, wondered if it would make her feel better to know that I loved her so much that I'd bought a ring, even though I wasn't sure she would say yes.  The only thing that kept me from asking her was the fact that I hadn't asked Dante, Damien and Aunt Sandra yet, and I also hadn't told Dominique.  Once I had made the decision earlier tonight to actually DO it, I knew immediately that I needed to ask first.

Shifting off of me, she sat next to me on the bed and stared at me.  The weirdest expression was on her face, like she was trying to memorize me before she jumped off a cliff, and my heart started beating funny in my chest.  I could literally feel the anxiety coming off of her in waves.

“Delilah, you’re scaring me.  What’s happening?”

I sat up when I saw two tears slide down her right cheek, grabbing her to me.  “Delilah, seriously, what’s wrong angel?”

Taking a deep breath she pulled back and looked me in the eye before blurting out, “I’m pregnant.  I’m having our baby.”

Like an idiot, I said the first thing that came to mind.  “That’s impossible.  You’re on the pill and I don’t want children.  Take another test.”

There might as well have been a sign over her head that was blinking ‘DUMB MOVE’, because she looked like I’d kicked her.

“I’ve taken two tests, and had it confirmed by a doctor.  I’m just over six weeks along.  It happened the weekend we broke up… I didn’t take my pill on Friday night because I spent the night at your house after that whole scene in the bar.  Saturday night I forgot to take it again because I was so upset and we were going at each other until the wee hours of the morning, and Sunday I was just too out of it to care.  Sometime within those seventy-two hours, I wound up pregnant.  It’s a definite.”

It was like being in a wind tunnel.  I’d heard her say the words, understood them even, but I couldn’t speak because of the loud vacuum that was in my head.  Pregnant.  Pregnant.  I’d fucking gotten her pregnant.  My child was growing inside of her.  Delilah was pregnant.

I went away in my head, one terrible memory after another assailing me.  My childhood bedroom had been filled with terror, anger, fear, shame.  In my minds-eye, I saw my father on top of me, pulling my pajamas and underwear off.  “Don’t cry you sniveling brat. I’m just going to rub it against you.  See how big I am and how tiny you are?  That’s because I’m a man and you’re a little cunt.  My prick likes cunt, and that’s what you are.”  I’d cry while he did it, licking my cheeks and nipping at my head with his teeth.  He always made it a point to laugh while he came on me.  “Stupid filthy little cunt,” he’d rasp, and every time, I’d die a little bit more inside.

The terror was more than I could take.  What if my child wound up like Hank?  The kind of evil that Hank Cross has inside of him isn’t normal.  Only the worst type of person would touch a child sexually or in anger, but he did it with a smile because he enjoyed it.  What if his sickness had skipped a generation and my son turned out like him?  What if I had a daughter like Marceline?

Even if Delilah gave birth to a totally normal child with good morals, the kid would still be totally fucked having me as a father.  Either way, Delilah would regret having my child and she’d hate me.  If Delilah hated me, I wouldn’t be able to go on.

On top of all that, Dante and Damien are going to flip out.  I got their unmarried baby sister pregnant. That’s going to go over like a lead balloon, especially with Damien since I’ve hidden our relationship from him.  Making matters even worse, I still have to tell all of the Harts about the shit that my delightful parents laid on me earlier.

She’d been totally silent the entire time I was thinking, and looking back at her I found her quietly crying.  I guess being pregnant with my kid didn’t turn out to be such a dream after all.  She looked like it was a fucking nightmare actually, and that killed me.  She was probably so fucking sad when she realized that she was going to be saddled with my shitty parenting style for life.

“I tried Spencer… I tried to have a termination.  I know that’s what you would want, but I couldn’t do it.  I want our baby.”

When she said that, it felt as though I’d been kicked in the nuts. I wouldn’t have asked her to get rid of it.  “I’m not a monster Delilah.  I wouldn’t ever ask you to get rid of your baby.”

I could only deal with so much, but I knew one thing for sure.  No matter what she tried to say, we had to do things my way.  I needed to ensure that no matter what, she’d be taken care of and that no one ever said shit about her not being married when she has the baby.

“Take a shower and get dressed Delilah.  We’re driving to Vegas and getting married.”

Spluttering, she stared at me like I’d lost my mind.  “What? No!”

No? Fucking no was her answer?  Was she trying to hurt me? What happened to her telling me that she loved me?

“It wasn’t a question, and it’s not up for negotiation.  I’m always going to take care of you Delilah, no matter what, just like I always promised you.  I want us to be married when we tell the family about your baby.”

Her lower lip trembled, and her eyes were filled with tears when she shook her head in the negative.  “I’m not getting married without my family there.  I can’t believe you’d even suggest something so ridiculous.  I’m also not marrying you when I can clearly see this isn’t what you want.  I’m not holding a gun to your head, and I don’t want this.  The family will learn to deal with it.  Yes, my brothers will be pissed at first, but they will get over it.  I know you don’t want the baby Spencer, know that you don’t want to be a part of this.  I’m prepared for what that means.”

Dammit, she was killing me.  Why didn’t she want to marry me?  Had she already moved on in her mind?

“I want to marry you Delilah.  You’re not having a bastard baby.”

She was off the bed so fast that it was as if she was powered by rocket fuel.  She stood before me proud and gloriously naked, hands on her hips as she glared at me.  “You’re not listening to me Spencer.  You’ve never straight up ignored everything I’ve said before, and I don’t like it. Knock it the fuck off or I am going to go rage out on you, pregnancy hormone style.  Our baby isn’t going to be a bastard, and if you ever say that again, I’ll hurt you.  I’ll say it again; I’m not marrying you like this.”

I jumped up from the bed too, glaring at her.  “That’s bullshit Delilah, and you know it!  You know what this tells me?  You never planned to marry me no matter what happened, because you know I’m not good enough for you!  Apparently I’m good enough to fuck, but not to marry.  Why did you even bother telling me at all if you cared so little about what I’d want?”

She stared at me like I was speaking a foreign language, her expression one of utter confusion.  “Is that what you think I’m saying Spencer?  That I never wanted to marry you, that I think you’re not good enough?  That’s not what I’m saying at all.  I’ve wanted to be Delilah Cross since I was five years old, you idiot.  I’m head over heels in love with you, the same way I have been for the last decade.  LISTEN to me.  I can’t want to marry you when it isn’t what you want, and I am NOT marrying you in Las Vegas.  IF we ever get married, we’re having a real wedding.  Didn’t it occur to you that perhaps you should have tried asking me instead of telling me?  The way you’re going about it makes me feel like shit, like a burden.”

Before I could edit myself I shouted, “Because you know that to me, your baby IS a fucking burden!  Not you, it.  I’m not fucking doing cartwheels, because I’m horrified. I’ll deal with it because that’s what you need me to do, but don’t expect me to pretend everything is okay.  I told you I didn’t want children and I wasn’t kidding.  Just remember that when you can’t stand me because I’m shit as a parent.”

I knew as the words were coming out of my mouth that I was fucking up, but I was scared, freaked out, and stupid.  Her eyes were huge in her face as she gaped at me, holding her stomach like I’d punched her.  Turning her back on me, she went to her bureau and grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of underwear.

When she was covered, she faced me again.  The tone of her voice when she spoke was arctic.  “Get dressed and get out.”

It was like I couldn’t control myself, like my brain was taking a vacation.  I dressed in under a minute as she glared at me, and seeing her disappointment, something in me snapped.  “Fuck it.  I shouldn’t be near that damn baby anyway.”

She was across the room in a flash, slapping me across the face so hard that I wondered if I’d have a bruise.  “Don’t you ever talk about our baby that way. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

I needed to escape, to put as much distance between the baby she was carrying and me.  Stomping into the living room, I flung the door open and ran out, slamming the door behind me.  I’d just gotten to the bottom of the stairs when she came out after me.

Standing at the top of the stairs, she glared down at me.  “You forgot your folder, asshole.”  It was as she went to throw the folder at me that she lost her balance, and I watched in horror as she fell down the stairs like a Raggedy Ann doll.  I ran forward to catch her but I didn’t make it, and she landed in a lifeless heap at my feet.

I yelled, or maybe screamed, as I dropped to the ground in front of her.  She was out cold, and her forehead was gushing blood.  Suddenly there were concerned neighbors everywhere, and somebody shouted that they were calling 911.  I held her, begging her to wake up, but she wasn’t coming around.  What I felt like in that moment, the terror that took me, eclipsed any other feeling I’d ever had.

I realized later that at some point I started shouting, “She’s pregnant, help her please, she can’t lose our baby” over and over again.

Chapter Twenty-Seven:  Dominique

I sat straight up from a dead sleep knowing something was wrong.  I tried to calm myself down for a moment, tried to convince myself that I was having some form of anxiety that must have started with a dream I must have been having.  I tried to convince myself, but I knew that wasn’t true.  Turning on the light next to the bed, I shook Tally to wake her up.  “Honey, get up.  Wake up.”

Struggling, she opened her eyes and looked around.  Apparently, the look on my face told its own story, because she popped up next to me and grabbed my head.  “Nik, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head.  “I don’t know exactly what, but something’s wrong with my sister.  I can feel it.  Get dressed while I try to get her on the phone.  We need to go over there.”

We both threw clothes on while I called Delilah’s cell and her house phone, neither getting me anything.  With every passing second, I knew for sure that she was in trouble.  Turning to Tally I cried out, “She’s hurt.  I know she’s hurt.”

We ran to my car, and Tally climbed behind the wheel, driving us toward Delilah’s as I kept trying and trying to get ahold of her by phone.  We only lived a few blocks away from each other, so we were turning down her street just five minutes after I’d woken up.

When we made the turn, I saw an ambulance and police cars, and I knew it was bad.  I heard a terrifying sound that wasn’t quite human, and I was shocked to realize it was coming from me.

I told Tally to call Damien, Mama San and Spencer, and before she even really had time to stop the car I was out and running toward the EMTs that I could see at the base of my sister’s apartment stairs.

There wasn’t an ounce of control in me, and I pushed forward to see her.  They had her strapped to a gurney with her neck immobilized.  Her face and her shirt were covered in blood and her eyes were closed.  “That’s my sister,” I sobbed.  “Please, please tell me what’s wrong.”

Before anyone could tell me, Spencer came from nowhere and grabbed me to him.  He was hysterically crying, barely making any sense.  “She fell. I saw her as it was happening, tried to run toward her but it happened so fast. She fell down the stairs and she won’t wake up.”

I cried and shook as they loaded her into the ambulance, absolutely terrified and helpless.  Normally, Spencer would have been someone I’d turn to in crisis, but he was in worse shape than I was.  Tally appeared next to us, dragging us both to the car.  “We need to follow the ambulance.”

Once we got in the car, she told me she’d gotten ahold of Mama San and that she’d be meeting us at the hospital, and that Damien and Brooke were in Laguna Beach and would get there as soon as they could.

Thank god for Tally, because she drove and kept as calm as she could while I shook and tried not to vomit and Spencer sobbed in the backseat.

When we got to the hospital we ran into the emergency room, and Tally took care of talking to the intake people, telling them who we were there for.  A few minutes later Mama San came flying through the sliding doors, white as a sheet and crying.  “Where’s my little girl?”

I shook my head at her, told her everything we knew and explained that we hadn’t talked to any doctors yet.  Her phone rang and she picked it up, quietly crying as she filled Damien in.

The entire time, Spencer said nothing.  He just sat crying, absolutely incoherent.  We all tried to talk to him, but he was totally gone.  Even when I told him that I felt like Delilah was going to be okay, he said nothing.  I wondered if he was going catatonic on me, and it scared the shit out of me.  I’d never seen him like that, so broken I wasn’t positive he could make his way back.

It took over an hour for a doctor to come see us, and when he did we all breathed a sigh of relief.  He came to all of us but spoke directly to Mama San.  “Your daughter is going to be fine, but we need to keep her for observation for the next forty-eight hours.  She hit her head on the way down, and that’s why she was unconscious.  It’s also the reason she was bleeding.  That took six stitches.  Not huge by any means, but that’s where all of the blood came from.  Facial bleeding tends to look more extreme than it actually is.  She’ll definitely have some bruising on her body, but all things considered, she got very lucky.”

The doctor paused for a moment, and in that time Spencer snapped out of it and jumped up.  He stepped forward to frantically say, “The baby… is our baby okay?”

I realized that she'd told him she was pregnant, and I was relieved.  He deserved to know, and I was happy to hear that he referred to the baby as being theirs.  He cared, and I felt stupid for ever even considering that he wouldn't.

We all held our collective breaths as we waited for the doctor to answer.  Facing Spencer, he smiled. “Your baby is fine, but Miss Hart’s pregnancy is part of the reason we want to observe her. It’s a precaution, but we like to be sure.”

I saw Spencer sag in relief, and my heart broke for him.  He had been so terrified for the two of them that he'd scared all of us.  “Thank god our baby is going to be okay,” he said.  With that, he fainted dead away.

My already frayed nerves went haywire, but thankfully the doctor was right there to keep us calm.  He called for smelling salts, and within a few minutes Spencer was sitting on a gurney drinking a fruit punch while we all hovered around him to make sure that he was alright.

Normally he would have been embarrassed, but he was far too worried about Delilah to care about himself.  Once we had Spencer settled, the doctor told us that one of us would be able to go check on Delilah, while the rest of us would have to wait until morning.

Turning to Spencer he said, “Normally we’d let the father of the baby go, but since you aren’t married, you need to work it out with her mother.”

Spencer deferred to Sandra immediately, never even telling the doctor that she wasn’t actually Delilah’s mom, but Sandra surprised us all by saying no.  “Spencer, it’s lovely for you to offer, but you just fainted because you’re freaking out.  You need to see her.”

Turning to Tally and I she explained, “She’ll want Spencer and we all know it.  I want to see my baby girl, but I know she’d rather have him than anyone else. I just want her to be happy.”

I’m not sure if I was the only one that noticed that he grimaced when she said that, and when he got off the gurney to follow the doctor, he didn’t look too confident.

Chapter Twenty-Eight:  Delilah

I hurt everywhere and my head was pounding.  I’d woken up in a room full of people taking my vital signs and asking me questions, and at first I couldn’t remember what happened.  A few minutes later it came back to me like a tidal wave, and I remembered seeing Spencer’s face freeze into a mask of pure terror as I lost my balance and started to fall down the stairs.

Most of the doctors and nurses had talked at me and not to me, and everyone insisted that I take it easy and relax.  “You were out for almost twenty minutes,” one of the doctors finally told me.  “There was a lot of blood, but that’s normal with these things.  We cleaned you up and in time you’ll be good as new.”

The agony I felt in that moment gutted me.  I’d lost our baby.  I knew Spencer wouldn’t be sad, but I was devastated.  When the doctor left the room, I turned my head into the pillow to quietly cry.  For one beautiful moment I’d been full of life, but now Spencer and I were done and I had nothing.

Sometime later I heard the door open.  The shift in the air told me that it was Spencer, and my heart broke.  We’d never fought before, not ever, but I didn’t see how we could get back from this.  I could forgive him, but I’d never be able to look at him without knowing that he was relieved that the baby was gone.  I'd never get over the fact that I'd been so filled with love and he'd been so filled with… not love.

He came and pulled up the lone chair in the room to the side of the bed and grabbed my hand like it was a lifeline. “Delilah, baby.  I’m so sorry. This was my fault.  I’ll never forgive myself for getting you so upset that you fell down the stairs, but I promise that I’m going to try to be everything you need me to be from here on out.”

My heart broke into a million tiny pieces and I shook as sobs erupted from me.  “It’s not your fault I fell. Accidents happen, and I don’t blame you at all.  But I can’t do this Spencer.  It’s too late.”

I couldn’t even look at him, but I heard his sharp inhalation.  “No, Delilah, please don’t do this.  I swear to you that I’ll never let you down again.  I didn’t mean anything that I said, I promise you.  I just fucking panicked. I know I was an asshole, and my only defense is that I’m scared.  I’m here baby, and I’m never leaving you or pushing you away again.”

I heard an inhuman wail and then was shocked to realize that it was me.  “I can’t even look at you now.  You called our baby ‘it’.  You couldn’t even say the baby was ours or yours.  You just kept saying that it was my baby.  Now that OUR baby is gone, you want to go back to the way things were.  That kills me Spencer, absolutely destroys me.  I lost our baby and you…”

He put his hand over my mouth, interrupting me.  “Delilah stop, you’re upsetting yourself for no reason. You didn’t lose the baby.  You’re still pregnant.  Our baby is fine.”

My heart stopped beating for a moment as I tried to process his words.  Lifting my pounding head up, I looked at him.  “But the doctor said there was a lot of blood, told me once I healed I’d be good as new.”

Cupping my face with his free hand, Spencer smiled through his tears.  “Oh angel… he was talking about your face.  You got a gash on your forehead and it was a gusher.  He assured me that our baby is fine.”

I stared at him in wonder as my heart took flight.  Our baby was still growing inside of me, and I felt such joy that I was weak with it.  I started to cry again, this time tears of joy.  My hand went to my stomach, rubbing gently as I mentally told our baby how happy I was, how much I loved him already.

When Spencer’s hand covered mine, I looked up in confusion.  He was still crying, his eyes pleading with me to listen.  “I don’t think I’ll be worth shit as a father, but I’m going to be here for you and our baby until the day I die.  I want you to know that I was relieved that our baby is fine, and I was devastated when I thought you might have miscarried.  I’m sorry; I was a jackass because I was scared shitless.  When you fell, I was terrified that I’d lost you both.  I want you to have the baby Delilah.  I love you more than anything, and I’ll love the baby too.  How can I not when it’s a part of you?”

Grabbing his hand, I held it tight to my stomach.  “This baby is a part of you, and that’s why I couldn’t have a termination. I was scared and upset when I found out that I was pregnant, but the truth is that once the idea settled, I was thrilled.  I couldn’t help but fall in love with this life that we created together.”

Watching his face, I realized that he was terrified that he’d fail as a parent.  But now that I knew that he was going to throw himself into it, I knew that he wouldn’t. Spencer has never let me down, and I know he won't let our baby down either. He doesn’t know that he was born to be a father, but I do. The baby and I just needed to show him the way.   We’d been given a second chance, and I was going to make sure we used it.

Reaching his hand into his pocket, he stared at me for a minute before pulling something out.  I watched in shock as he dropped to his knee and opened a white jeweler's box that held the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen in my life.  Looking into my eyes, he smiled.  "I've had the ring for weeks Delilah.  I bought it because I had to, even when I thought we couldn't be together."  Putting his hand over his heart he went on, "In my heart, I've always been yours.  We're forever angel.  Will you marry me?"

I smiled like I'd just won the lottery.  "There is nothing in the world that would make me happier.  I love you more than anything, and I always will.  Of course my answer is yes!"

He put the ring on my finger as I cried tears of joy.  It was official! I was going to be Mrs. Spencer Cross.  My lifelong dream was coming true, and soon we'd be sharing our love with the baby we created together.  The night started off terribly, but it was now easily the best night of my life.

We were interrupted by a nurse coming to kick Spencer out. He begged her to let him stay, but she stood firm. He asked her for just a few minutes so that he could say goodbye, and she reluctantly told him that he had three minutes, and not one second more.

I could see what it was going cost him to have to leave me, and my heart filled up with such love for him I thought I almost overflowed with it.  Any thought that I’d had about him not loving me anymore, or hating me for being pregnant, had clearly been preposterous.  I felt the truth of what he’d said weeks ago about my being his sun, and I smiled at him in wonder even as my head pounded.

Leaning over the bed he held my hand and looked into my eyes.  “I love you Delilah, and I’ll love you until the day I die.  You’re the reason that my life wound up being worth anything angel, and I swear to you that I’ll move Heaven and Earth to be worthy of you, always.”

My eyes were filled with more tears as I lifted my free hand and brushed his hair off his forehead.  “Your life was always worth something baby, I just help you make sense of it all.  You’ve always done that for me too, you know.  You’re more than worthy.  You’re perfect for me because we were born to complete each other.”  Cradling his face in my hand, I smiled at him.  “I love you Spencer Cross, and we’re going to have a beautiful family.  Have faith.”

My heart lodged somewhere in my throat when he bent forward and laid his head on my stomach.  I knew he was struggling so I patiently ran my fingers through his hair.  Lifting his head up, he smiled at me.  “I bet she’s beautiful, just like you.”

Shaking my head, I beamed at him.  “Or he could be beautiful like you.  Whichever way it turns out, I can already tell that our baby will be perfect.”

I saw the panic in his eyes and I tucked that away in my head.  He was more afraid of having a son than a daughter, and I knew it tied right back to his childhood and the issues with his father.  I’d have to work on that with him, because I had a very strong feeling that I was carrying our son.

The nurse chose that moment to come back and boot him out.  He kissed me again, fighting panic as he turned to leave.  “I’ll be fine Spencer.  Tell the family that I can’t wait to see them tomorrow.  It’s just a few hours away baby.  It’s okay.”

Pulling my hand up, he kissed my engagement ring.  "I'll be here as soon as they'll let me in tomorrow.  I love you baby."

Smiling, I pushed his hair off his forehead.  "Love you too baby.  See you in a few hours."

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Spencer

It killed me to leave her in that hospital room all alone.  I couldn’t even tell myself that she needed her rest, because the nurse had already informed us both that they’d have to wake her up every ninety minutes through the night as a precaution.

Once the nurse forced me out, I headed back into the waiting room.  Aunt Sandra, Dominique and Tally had been joined by Damien and Brooke, and when I walked in Damien jumped up and started barraging me with questions.  “Is she awake? Can she move? Does her head hurt? When can she come home? Do you really think she’s okay?”

Aunt Sandra put a hand on his arm to stop him.  “Honey, give him a chance.  He’s still upright and functional which tells me that she’s okay.  Am I right Spencer?”

Right before I went to answer, I realized the key question that he hadn’t asked.  He didn’t ask me about the baby, which meant his still didn’t know.  I knew that everyone else in the room knew, with the exception of Brooke unless she'd been told, but apparently they hadn’t shared the information with him.

Deciding that I’d have to ask to talk to him alone, I started updating everyone on Delilah’s condition.

“Aunt Sandra is right, she’s okay.  Delilah is awake and responsive and was her normal loving self.  Before I got the boot she asked me to tell all of you that she’s fine and she can’t wait to see you tomorrow.  Actually I guess I mean today, since it’s the middle of the night.  Anyway, she’s got a rough couple of hours ahead of her because the nurses are going to wake her up every ninety minutes or so, but in a day or two we can take her home and she’ll be just fine.  They did a good job stitching up her forehead.  She looks good.”

While I was talking, Brooke had reached out and grabbed Damien’s hand, and now he had her cradled against his chest.  I could tell that he was having a hard time reigning himself in. “Thank god Spence.  I mean seriously, thank fucking god.  I thought the worst when we got the call.  I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the shit I imagined.”

I shook my head in the negative.  I didn’t have to imagine.  As long as I live, I’ll never forget the moment that she lost her balance, or the way my heart felt when I heard the sickening thud as she landed at my feet.

Looking at Damien, the whole night came flooding back to me and I realized that I really needed to talk to him about more than just Delilah.

Clearing my throat, I held his gaze.  “I actually really need to talk to you though.  Either I can go to your place or you can come to mine, but we need to talk.  It’s urgent.”

I heard the rest of the family tut-tutting and I knew they all thought that I was going to drop the pregnancy bomb on him.  I was, but I also had to lay out everything that Hank and Marceline dumped on me.

Giving me a nod, he said that I should meet him at his house and crash there for what little remained of the night.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I didn’t think either one of us was going to be getting any sleep after our talk.

As we were all hugging and saying our goodbyes, I pulled Aunt Sandra aside.  I made sure no one was listening when I asked her to meet us at Damien’s.  “I didn’t want to announce this in front of Dominique, but what we have to talk about is something you need to know too.  It’s got nothing to do with what just happened with Delilah though, so don’t panic.”

She gave me a nod, but I could see that she was concerned.  I got that, because I was concerned about telling them.  I hitched a ride with Dominique and Tally back to Delilah's place so that I could grab my car, and then I raced off to Damien's to tell him all about it.  By the time I got there, Aunt Sandra had already arrived.  Damien let me in with a worried frown. I followed him into the living room where Brooke and Aunt Sandra were already seated, and after he sat down next to Brooke, I took a seat in an armchair.

"Alright spill it Spence.  What's going on here?"

Taking a deep breath, I got right to it.  "For the last few weeks Marceline has been hounding me.  It was weird, but I didn't think too much of it since she'd hit me up for a loan that night she tricked me into going to her party.  I figured she just wanted money.  Anyway, earlier tonight when I left the wedding, I told you it was because I got a phone call.  What I actually got was a bunch of threatening texts demanding that I had forty-five minutes to get my ass over there or she was going to bring down the Hart family."

Brooke gasped, but Damien and Sandra just looked disgusted.  Now came the hard part.  I was going to have to lay it all out for them, and I knew that it wasn't going over well.

"I went to the house.  Marceline and Hank met me at the front door.  That was my first clue that they thought they had something.  When I got inside, they gave me this folder.  I'll show it to you when I'm finished.  There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to get it out quickly.  The first thing is that Mike Hart isn't Dominique and Delilah's biological father.  Their father is a man named Todd Rand.  Todd has another child, a son.  His name is Flynn Rand."

At that, all three of them gasped.  You'd have to have been on Mars for the last decade not to know who Flynn was.

"The second thing in the file was the real kicker.  Mike had two more children, both born to my mother.  The first child was a son.  He's sixteen days younger than Dante.  They kept him for a year.  Marceline says Dillon was the back-up baby.  Something about Mike needing an heir or whatever bullshit they were feeding themselves at the time.  They got rid of him when he was thirteen months old, which is the same time they got rid of the newly born daughter Marceline had given birth too.  Her name is Leah.  The children were adopted together, but their adoptive parents were killed in a freeway shooting.  They grew up in the foster system with nothing."

Damien looked the way that I felt, which was absolutely gutted.  As fucked up as our lives were, we'd had each other and once his father died, we'd had Sandra.  To know that we share siblings who grew up with nothing is hard to take.

"As bad as all of that is… the worst part is yet to come.  Marceline and Hank have photos and a video of your mother with Todd Rand.  They are threatening to sell it all to TMZ because everyone would be interested in knowing that Flynn's got sisters he never knew about.  They're also threatening to set the press on Dillon and Leah.  They think the bad publicity will hurt Hart International.  At least that's what they hope."

Through clenched teeth Damien asked one question.  "What the fuck do they want?"

"They want ten million dollars from me, and they want Hart to contract work out to my father.  Big jobs.  Apparently they're broke, and they feel we all owe this to them.  They blame Sandra for my father’s business failing."

Jumping from the couch, Damien started shouting.  “Fuck those assholes! You, me, this entire family, none of us owe them shit.  I hate those assholes for what they’ve done to you to begin with, and now this.  How could they just give children up?  Why did none of our parents give a shit?”

Brooke stood and wrapped her arms around him, laying her head down on his chest. I could hear her talking him down, and I was more than thankful for her being there.  “Honey, this is terrible news, but we’re going to deal with this together. Don’t let them upset you any more than they already have.”

Watching Damien look down in wonder at his fiancée was surreal, because it was something I never thought I’d see.  She centered him somehow, made even things like this bearable for him. I realized that’s what Sabrina has done for Dante too, and I knew that I would also be getting through this shit storm with the woman I loved at my side.  Even at this moment, when things weren’t going so smoothly, the thought that I had Delilah in my corner made everything seem manageable.

I was surprised to see Brooke pull back from Damien, and then even more surprised when she came and enveloped me in a hug.  “I know that must have been a terrible scene Spencer, and we are so sorry they made sprung that on you when you were alone.”

Over Brooke’s head, I saw Damien staring at her with a look of pure pride on his face.  I hugged her back and smiled at her as she walked back to the couch, taking Damien’s hand and pulling him down next to her.

Aunt Sandra had stayed fairly silent, but I could see how upset she was about everything that had been said before she started to speak.  “The idea that there are two children out there who grew up in the foster care system when they should have been with us is just heartbreaking.  I don’t understand anything my sister or her husband did, and I don’t understand how the Cross’ have kept this knowledge to themselves for all of these years.  I couldn’t care less that they think I’m responsible for his decline in the business world.  I definitely didn’t help them, but the truth is that it was their sickening lifestyle that got them into the most trouble.  No one wants to do business with drug using sexual deviants.  Hank destroyed his business just like Mike almost destroyed Hart before he died.  Marceline and Hank are both insane if they think we’re giving them business.  Spencer, you won’t be giving them any money, either. We’ll get out ahead of this, find Dillon and Leah.  I will put some feelers out about getting ahold of Flynn.  If Marceline and Hank want to put out pictures and video of my sister and Flynn’s father having sex, so be it.  My sister was a whore, and we owe her nothing.  What she did to her children is unforgivable and I have no love for her, even in death.”

I nodded my head.  “I agree with you.  But who I’m really worried about here, besides Dillon and Leah, are the twins and Dante.  I don’t know how Dominique and Delilah will feel knowing that they have a different father, don’t know if they would be interested in meeting their other brother.  What if they want to meet him and he has no interest?  I can’t have them hurt like that.  As for Dante… this is just going to eat at him in the worst way.  We all know he’s pushed down more than any of the rest of us, and I don’t want him to be hurt by this.  He’s so happy right now, and it just kills me to know that we’re going to have to tell him all of this.  We all know how he gets when he thinks the twins are upset. That’s going to be hard for him, but I think it will be even more upsetting for him to know that we share siblings that grew up with nothing.”

Shaking his head, Damien buried his face in his hands.  “You’re right.  Dante’s going to take this really hard.  Not that there’s ever a good time for this type of thing, but he’s never been so happy.  He and Sabrina are trying to get pregnant and start a family of their own, and now this.  It’s like even from the grave our parents are still fucking with us.”

That reminded me that I had some news of my own to share, and I couldn’t put it off for another minute.

Shifting uncomfortably in my chair, I mustered up my courage.  “Damien… I know you’re going to be pissed when I tell you this, but please remember that I love your sister more than anything in the world and I’ll always take care of her.”

His head snapped up so that he could look at me, and I could see the tension in his shoulders.  My only course of action was to blurt it out.  “Delilah’s pregnant.  We’re having a baby.”

I noticed that Brooke didn’t gasp or show even a flicker of surprise, so somehow she had already been told. Damien’s mouth opened and closed a few times, his eyes wide with shock.

“You got my sister pregnant?”

Yikes.  That did not sound good at all.

“Yes.  I’m sorry it happened this way, but I’m not sorry that I love her.  As soon as it can be arranged, we’re getting married. I've loved her forever, and I bought her an engagement ring two days after you started having Brooke's made.  Even when I didn't think she'd say yes, I always knew she was the only girl I'd ever love.  I wanted to ask for permission, but looking at her in that hospital bed… I needed her to know that I was going to be with her forever.”

Gesturing wildly he snapped, “I fucking knew something was wrong with her tonight at the wedding when she wouldn't drink the champagne.  I should have put it together.  Of course you’re marrying her, asshole.  I’d shoot your ass if you didn’t. Good move getting a ring on her finger.  Hopefully that will take some of the sting out of Dante's anger. Tell me now, is Delilah happy about this?  Because if she isn’t you and I have a problem.”

I nodded quickly.  “Yes. She’s thrilled.  You know your sister, so you know what a big heart she has.  She’s already crazy in love with the baby.”

He took a full visual assessment of me in silence for a moment, then asked Sandra and Brooke to leave the room.  Brooke looked concerned, but he soothed her with a kiss.  “It’s alright sweetheart, I just want to talk to him.”

His eyes told me wanted to do more than talk.  Maybe even wanted to punch me, but if it came to that, I’d take my punishment.

Once we were alone in the room, he wasted no time in going at me.  “I know my sister has a giant heart and will love the baby, but I also know that two fucking days ago you sat in a restaurant with me and Dante and told us you never wanted children.  I know you wouldn’t have been able to keep this secret, so you can only just have found out.  How far along is she, and how do you feel about this?”

I looked away for a moment as I gathered my thoughts.  Turning back his way, I started speaking.  “I found out tonight.  She’s six weeks along.  The baby was conceived the weekend you took Brooke away.  I wasn’t good when Delilah told me, but it had nothing to do with not wanting to be tied down or anything stupid like that.  I’m fucking terrified the baby will grow up to be like my dad, terrified that I’ll be a horrible father.”

Damien was across the room like a shot, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.  “Hey, don’t say that shit.  My niece or nephew is going to be awesome.  Crazy fucking spoiled, ridiculously over-protected and totally adored by us all, but awesome nonetheless.  You’ve always put yourself down about shit like this and it pisses me off.  You aren’t Hank.  You’re nothing like Hank, not even on your very worst day.  You think I’d be best friends with someone that had any of Hank in them?  Think I would have begged you to come live with all of us? If you had any of him in you, I wouldn’t have. Luckily for you, I never had to worry about it, because you are NOTHING like him.  You’re going to be a great dad.  You’re probably going to win awards for being father of the year, because Dante will shoot your ass if you do anything less.  He raised us to be good men, Spencer.  You’ve done him damn proud up to this point, and you’re going to make him happier than ever when he sees you loving your child.”

I felt different arms around me, and I looked down to see Aunt Sandra had come in.  “Oh honey, you’re going to be such a good daddy.  I’d never have trusted my little girl with you if I didn’t know what a great guy you are.  I’ve always known that it was you for her.  From the first day that I met all of you, it was so obvious.  It used to scare me that she was so sure about where you would end up, that to her it was decided before she even took her first breath.  Over the years, she brought me around to her way of thinking.  You two are meant to be, and this baby is meant to be a part of you both.  Embrace that sweetie.  You’ve created a miracle together.”

Pulling her closer I hugged her hard as I furiously wiped at my eyes with my hand before pulling back and mock glaring at her.  “You were so totally eavesdropping!”

Laughing at me, she pulled back. “I was.  I wanted to make sure Damien here didn’t go all Rambo on you.  I’m not sorry I listened though.”

I wasn’t sorry either, because she’d really made me feel better, had helped put everything in perspective. I’d always had a choice, and I’d always chosen to be nothing like Hank.  Right then and there, I vowed to myself that I’d be the best father I could possibly be.  With Delilah by my side, I could face anything… even my own fear.

Chapter Thirty:  Delilah

I was exhausted after being woken up so many times during the night, but I didn’t care.  A happy bubble had descended over me, and I was more than willing to tolerate a hospital stay, all things considered.  When I thought I’d lost our baby, I’d felt so desolate and broken inside.  Knowing that our baby was thriving inside of me made me so happy that I was keeping a smile on my face in spite of how tired I was.  The knowledge that at this time next year I would be changing my name to Delilah Cross and holding our baby in my arms put everything into the proper perspective.

Spencer was in my room the second that visiting hours started.  He looked like a hot mess, and I knew he hadn’t slept a wink either.  Still, he was smiling, and I sensed that he had a mindset similar to my own.  We survived, and these few sleepless days are a small price to pay.  Leaning over my bed, he cradled my face in his hands and kissed me deeply.  “How are you and our baby this morning?”

Smiling, I rubbed my non-existent belly.  “We’re good.  Better now that you’re here.  I was starting to get nauseous, but now it’s fading away.  This is what happened during the five days you spent at my apartment.  Clearly the baby already loves daddy, because whenever you’re around, I feel much more solid.”

He looked blown away but ecstatic.  “Really?  You think the baby knows when I’m around?”

I smiled at him, thrilled by the cautious wonder that filled his face.  He was scared shitless, but he was hopeful.  I took that as a good sign.  “Yes, I really believe that little butter bean knows when you’re there.”

Smiling shyly, he rubbed my stomach.  “Butter bean eh?”

Laughing, I covered his hand with mine.  “Yes.  I don’t know why, but I’ve taken to calling the baby that.  I know at some point we’ll need to talk about real names, but that’s months away.  For now, I’m calling the baby butter bean.”

He laughed with me before saying, “Butter bean Cross.  I like it.”

Grinning back like a fool, I nodded.  “You’re right.  It has a certain ring to it.”

We spent the next few hours dozing or talking quietly while doctors and nurses occasionally walked in to check on me.  I wasn’t allowed to have other visitors until the doctor cleared it, but I was chomping at the bit to see everyone.  I knew they were worried.

Each time the doctor came by he told me how well I was doing.  Luckily I didn’t have any other symptoms of a concussion than the headache I'd had last night.  By late afternoon, the doctor concluded that it was very mild, and decided that they’d just as well release me around dinnertime.

“All things considered, you’re doing beautifully Miss Hart.  Your vitals are perfect, you aren’t experiencing any pain, and you look good.  I’m advising you to rest for the next day or so, but that’s more just to catch up on whatever you lost last night than anything else.”

I was thrilled that I was going to be able to leave.  The hospital was so not the place to get any rest.  Spencer jumped in as soon as the doctor left with, “I think we should go to Malibu for the next week.  We can relax and just chill.”

I agreed before he even finished talking.  I loved the Malibu house, and I loved the idea of setting up camp there.  “I love that Spence.  We can go to your house, then my apartment to pack, and then we can spend the rest of the week relaxing.”

Looking down at me, he smiled.  "Angel, it's our house now.  Everything I have belongs to you, too.  How about I have Dominique pack for you?”

With a big love struck grin on my face, I smiled and nodded. Spencer kissed my forehead and then stood up and grabbed his cell phone to call Dominique. I laughed when he casually laid his hand on my stomach, almost like it was a good luck charm or a touchstone.  Sliding my hand over his, I smiled up at him as he hung up the phone and told me that she hadn’t answered.  Giggling I asked, “You don’t think the baby is going to high five you or anything yet, right?”

We were laughing together when the door opened and Mama San, Dante and Dominique walked in.  They all but attacked me, hugging and kissing me, and doing a full visual check.  “Sorry I didn’t answer my cell,” Dominique said, “but the nurse gave me the evil eye when I pulled it from my bag.”  The three of them then proceeded to hit me with a barrage of questions, one right after the other.  I answered everything I could, assuring them again and again that I really was fine.

Looking down at my stomach where Spencer and I still had our hands clasped together, Damien smiled.  “Well, now that I know how you are… how’s the baby doing today?”

Turning my head, I raised my eyebrow at Spencer.

“I went to Damien’s last night and told him our news.  I was going to tell you right before he got here but as usual, he beat me to the punch.”

Nodding, I turned and smiled at my brother. “The baby is doing great.  We both feel good.”

Damien beamed at me like I’d just told him I’d cured a disease.  “Oh ladybug, I’m so proud of you.  You’re going to be a mom! I’m thrilled.  I can’t wait to spoil my niece or nephew.”

It was Dominique who noticed the ring first, lifting my hand up and squealing.  "Oh my god, it's beautiful!  When will you get married?"

I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.  Gesturing to Spencer I said, "This one tried to get me to go to Las Vegas with him last night.  Just like my brothers he's got the patience of a small gnat.  I'm guessing within the next few weeks."

There was a collective laugh and before I knew it, Damien had his hand on my stomach, followed by Dominique and then Mama San. Damien smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "I'm excited that you've got a new member of the family in there."

Mama San nodded, her eyes filled with tears as she looked at me. “My grandbaby is in there, snug as a bug in a rug,” she said with a sniffle.

I was so wrapped up in the beauty of the moment that I didn’t hear the door open, and none of us had any idea that someone else had entered the room until he spoke.

“What the fuck? My little girl is pregnant and no one fucking told me?”

My jaw dropped when I saw Dante standing at the door looking completely flabbergasted.

Looking from my stomach to me, then back to my stomach, he looked up again and locked eyes with Spencer.

“Everyone get out.  I want to talk to Spencer and my sister.”

Everyone scurried like rats on a sinking ship.  I’d never seen any of them move so fast.  I couldn’t believe that my brother was going to make a scene, but he looked pissed so I braced myself as I clung to Spencer’s hand.  I could feel the tension in his body, and I knew that Dante being angry was hard on him.

Looking at Spencer, Dante went right at him.  “Am I to understand that my little girl is pregnant, and that you are the father?”

Standing tall, Spencer nodded.  “Yes.  We’re having a baby.  I’m sorry that this is how you found out, I really am.  I only found out last night, but I did go to Damien right away and tell him.  If you’d been here I would have told you too, but you had already left for Hawaii.  You know I love her Dante, and you know I’d do anything to keep her safe and happy.  I swear to you that she’s never going to regret loving me.  I've already asked her to marry me.  I'm sorry I didn't come to you first.  You have to know that I meant no disrespect.”

Nodding his head, Dante looked at me.  “Are you happy honey?  Is this what you want?”

I smiled at him with my heart in my eyes.  “I’m ecstatic.  This is all I’ve ever wanted Dante.  I’m going to have a child that is the embodiment of my love for Spencer.  It doesn’t get any better.”

Smiling, Dante came forward and kissed my forehead and patted my belly before standing up and grabbing Spencer’s hand.  “You’re a lucky son-of-a-bitch.  I swear to god if she’d started crying, I’d have killed you with my bare hands.  Looks like that conversation we had two days ago didn’t mean shit, eh?”

Spencer shook Dante's hand as they both laughed.  “Joke was on me.  There I was yapping about how I didn’t want to be a father, and now I’m beating you idiots to it.  While you’re dealing with food cravings and doctor’s appointments, I’ll be holding our baby.”

I could see that made Dante happy, and I smiled as he continued talking.

“You just wait Spence.  I am going to spoil this kid like nothing you’ve ever seen before.  I’m going to be that annoying uncle that gives all the really loud and obnoxious toys that will drive you both nuts.”

Holding up his hands in mock surrender, Spencer laughed.  “Hey, if you do that to us, we’re totally returning the favor.”

When my brother looked back at me, I grabbed his hand.  “Why did you come home, Dante?  I know they must have told you that I was okay.  You shouldn’t have lost out on a honeymoon.”

Tut-tutting me like I was insane, he laughed.  “Little girl, did you really think I’d be able to take their word for it?  I had to see you for myself.  Besides, my wife had already talked to the pilot on the jet and had him file a new flight plan for us to turn around as soon as we landed before I even got off the phone with Aunt Sandra.  Family comes first, always.  There’s never even a question.  Besides, we wouldn’t have been able to enjoy ourselves until we knew for sure that you were okay.  We already talked to Damien, and in a few days we’re going to head to his new beach house for a week or so.  All we care about is being together.  Of course, now we’ve got to catch up to you two in the baby making department.”

The three of us laughed at that and I grinned like a fool.  “It would be so amazing if Sabrina could get pregnant ASAP and we could have our children close together!”

Giving his biggest shit-eating grin, Dante laughed.  “Sounds like a plan.  And if Damien has anything to say about it, Brooke will be pregnant in about ten minutes too.”

Giggling I said, “sounds like there’s about to be a baby explosion in this family!”

Nodding at me as he smiled Dante said, “That’s the idea.”

Chapter Thirty-One:  Spencer

Her brothers weren’t about to let us go to Malibu without them, so within three hours the entire family was setting up residence in my Malibu home.  I’d never really had the occasion to use all five of the bedrooms before, but now every one of them was occupied. When I bought the house, I'd done so because I knew Delilah would want them all to have the option to stay here whenever they wanted, and it made me happy that it was working out that way.

The house had two master bedrooms, so we made sure to give the other one to Dante and Sabrina, joking that it was the honeymoon suite.  Their room opened right out onto the deck and I knew they’d enjoy that.  I hoped it took some of the sting out of having to come home without enjoying two weeks in paradise together, but I knew that they didn't really see it as something bad.  When Dante says family first, he means it.  Luckily he found Sabrina, and she feels the same way.

We'd gotten home after six, and decided to order dinner.  Everyone deferred to Delilah, asking what she'd feel like eating.  It took her about twenty seconds to say that she was dying for Mexican food.  We all stared at her in shock because she's normally not a big fan of anything other than quesadillas and taco salad.  When Dominique pulled up the menu Delilah went crazy ordering different things, and that's when we all started laughing because it seemed obvious that it was a pregnancy craving.  Looking at me she shrugged her shoulders.  "I've been eating crackers, bread and chicken noodle soup for weeks.  I want flavor by way of salsa, STAT.  I think it's too early for pregnancy cravings, so don't panic."

Damien and Brooke went to get the food and came back with five overflowing bags.  Giving me a grin Damien said, "Dude, I hope your table can withstand the weight.  The guy at the restaurant asked what kind of party we were having.  When I told him that there were only nine of us, he almost passed out.  He said this is enough for twenty."

Gathering around the table we all made ourselves enormous plates and then proceeded to dig in.  I watched in amazement as Delilah inhaled an overflowing plate, and then moved on to eating chips and salsa.  She's always eaten like a normal person instead of some simpering idiot who insists that lettuce is enough, but I'd never seen her eat so much.  I didn’t realize how stressed out we had all been about how little she'd been eating lately, but the smiles that everyone had while they watched her eat brought it all home to me.

Taking a final sip of her water, Delilah sat back and smiled.  "Amazing dinner, but now I know what a zoo animal feels like when a crowd gathers round to watch it eat.  Seriously you guys, I'm good."

She was good, and we could all see that.  I just hoped she would stay that way once we laid all the drama on her that Marceline and Hank had dropped on me.  I figured I'd talk to Dante after dinner with Damien and Sandra, and then we would decide how to tell the girls.

That plan went out the window when we all gathered on the deck to enjoy the night air and listen to the ocean.  Once everyone was seated, Aunt Sandra spoke up.

"We need to have a family discussion.  Some things have happened in the last twenty-four hours that everyone needs to know about."

Turning toward Damien and me, she spoke straight to us.  "I know you're both wondering why I'm not pulling Dante aside, and the answer is simple; I know him.  I know that if we do that he'll try to shoulder the burden himself without sharing it, and this is something that everyone needs to know.  Spencer, I need you to tell everyone what you told Damien, Brooke and I last night."

Just like I had the night before, I went at it quickly so that I wouldn't lose my nerve. As soon as I revealed that Dominique and Delilah had a different father, the two of them huddled together and held hands.  When I revealed that they had another brother, as well as the identity of who it was, everyone gasped. I went on from there, explaining about Dillon and Leah.  Once I'd brought everyone up to speed on what happened, I sat down.  Dante wasn't saying a word, and everyone was waiting for him to say something.

When he didn't immediately speak, Aunt Sandra took over.  "Using the information that Spencer gave me, I've already put out feelers on getting in touch with Flynn.  As it turns out, we built his manager’s house, and I'm meeting him tomorrow to talk to him and try to get either Flynn's contact information or an agreement from the manager that he'll pass the information on to Flynn personally. I also talked to Mike in security, and he got in touch with a friend of his who's a private investigator.  We passed along Dillon and Leah's details, and by the end of the week we should know everything there is to know about them.  It goes without saying that we aren't giving Hank and Marceline anything that they've asked for, but the other parties involved deserve to know what's coming their way."

Standing, she walked to where Dante was sitting.  He had a death grip on Sabrina's hand and still hadn't said a word, and we were all getting worried.  Leaning down, Sandra put her hand on his arm.  "Honey, I know this is a lot to take in, but I promise, we'll get through this like we do everything else.  Our priority has to be finding Dillon and Leah and making this right."

Nodding at her, he looked at Damien and then me before he finally said something.  "I'm fucking furious, and I'd love to beat the fuck out of Marceline. I remember Dillon.  Very, very vaguely, but I do.  Before Damien was born, I used to have dreams about my brother going missing.  I was too young to understand what that all meant, but I remember screaming and crying and begging for him to come back for years.  When Damien was born, Connie told me that I had a real brother now and that I should shut up.  It's always been there, right on the edge of my mind, but I thought I'd dreamed it or made it up because living with them was so stressful.  After a while I basically forgot about it, but from time to time I've had a dream about seeing a blonde haired boy sitting next to me on our lawn.  I wonder if that was Dillon."

It was so fucking horrible that I wanted to scream.  "There are pictures in the folder Marceline and Hank gave me.  He had blonde hair."

Gasping Dante asked, "Where are they?"

I looked to Aunt Sandra, because I'd given her the folder after we'd talked last night.  She stood and left the deck, returning a minute later with the photos.  I knew what he was looking at and it broke my heart.  Marceline's photography is always incredibly inappropriate and dark, and these photos were no different.  There were a series of photos of Dante and Dillon, all of them taken at various parties.  From birth to right before Dillon had been taken away, the photos showed the two of them all but glued to each other as all manner of inappropriate shit went on around them.

The pictures took a toll on Dante, and I could see it.  Touching the last photo in the series, he whispered, "He's real, I didn't dream him or make him up."

Sabrina was his rock, rubbing his back, and telling him over and over that they would get through this.  "We'll find him honey, I promise. You aren't responsible for this.  This was done to you and to Dillon.  None of this is because of you.  Mike and Connie own the blame for this.  Don't take it on yourself baby."

Grabbing her hand, he pulled her onto his lap.  "Fuck Sabrina.  Just fuck.  Without you, I'd be raging right now.  I just don't know how to process this."

Stroking his face, she looked into his eyes.  "We process it together."

Once he was calmed down, we were able to address the other issue at hand.  Turning to Dominique and Delilah, Aunt Sandra asked them if they had any interest in meeting Flynn.  In perfect unison they both answered, "Yes."

Without talking about it at all, they'd somehow come to the same conclusion.  Dante and Damien both looked less than thrilled, and Dominique noticed.  "We want to meet him for the same reason you want to see Dillon and Leah.  What if his life was as tough as ours was before Aunt Sandra got control, and he needs a family?   We had you and that made us normal, but what if Flynn didn't?  We owe it to him to at least find that much out."

Giving a cough, Aunt Sandra got our attention.  "There's something I was waiting to say until the girls expressed interest one way or the other."  Turning to address Dominique and Delilah directly she said, "I did an internet search on Flynn earlier.  His father is still alive, and by all accounts they get along and are close.  Todd Rand is a well-known voice over artist.  Everything I read indicates that he's totally normal and very well respected.  The only thing I could find that could possibly explain how he wound up near my sister is that his wife died eleven months before you girls were born."

They had a living father.  I don't think any of us saw that one coming.  I could see that Dante and Damien were now on high alert, and I felt the same way.

Delilah and Dominique were silent, just staring at each other.  Looking at me, Delilah nodded.  "We're going to want to meet him, too.  We have to know."

Everyone agreed that they had to do what they felt was best, but I could see that Dante in particular was chomping at the bit.  I knew a lot of that had to do with how paternal he felt toward the girls, and I think he was panicking about sharing them with anyone.

The night had taken a toll, and we all started winding it down.  Aunt Sandra decided that she wasn't going to stay overnight, instead saying that she'd come back after she met with Flynn's manager.  It was a lot to take in regardless, and all of us headed off to our different bedrooms.

Chapter Thirty-Two: Delilah

I was interested in meeting my brother, very interested in finding out if my biological father was a better person than the piece of shit I'd always thought was my father, but for all that, I was so happy to be with Spencer that I was focused on that that the most.

We walked to our bedroom at the same time that Dante and Sabrina went to the second master bedroom that was right next to ours, and I saw Dante struggling for a minute.  I thought he was probably struggling to let me go into the bedroom with Spencer to share a bed.  Pulling away from Spence, I walked to my brother.  Standing on my tiptoes I gave him a hug and a kiss before whispering, "Put your shotgun away, Dad.  We're in love, and you know he's going to make an honest woman out of me."  That diffused the tension, and he laughed.

"I know princess.  That wasn't what I was struggling with actually.  I was thinking that for all of these years, you've had a father out there that might have been able to take care of you, wondering if he would have been a better option."

He killed me with that sentence, broke my heart wide open.  I heard Sabrina sniffling, and I knew he'd upset her, too.  Pushing him back, I grabbed his face in my hands.  "I don't care if Todd Rand is as kind as Jesus himself, my place was with you and I will never regret that.  You and Damien and Spencer gave Dominique and me an amazing life that I love more than I can ever tell you.  Things worked out the way they were supposed to.  This family was always the best option for me, Dante, the only option I'd ever have chosen if I'd been given the choice.  This changes nothing in my heart.  We were all meant to be together, meant to make up a family that defied the odds.  I hope that Todd and Flynn are wonderful and that I can have relationships with both, but if they don't want to know me, I'm not going to be upset. I already have the perfect family for me, and since you're the head of this family, that's on you."

I'd not seen my brother so unsure before, but he pulled me in close and held me tight while he repeatedly cleared his throat and struggled not to cry.  After a minute, he pulled back and smiled down at me.  "You're right, we have a great family.  Now I just hope we can convince Dillon and Leah to join us."

I smiled at him, even though it scared me that my brothers were going to have another sister to love.  He cocked his head as he stared at me and then shook his head with the strangest look on his face.  "Delilah, I care about Leah already and I hope she's wonderful, but no matter what, you and Dominique will always be my babies.  You're telling me to calm down, but here you are scared for the same reason.  Now I get how silly the way I was feeling is.  No matter what Delilah, nothing will ever change between us.  It won't be any different than when Aunt Sandra, Sabrina, Brooke or Tally became part of the family.  We'll just be a bigger unit."

I loved that, and smiling, I told him so.  "This is why you're the best oldest brother in the whole world.  You always get me."

After giving me another hug and kiss, Dante and I went our separate ways.  When we got back to our bedroom, Spencer asked if I wanted to take a shower, and I said yes.  We sat on the shower bench next to each other after he had adjusted all of the showerheads, and for a few minutes all we did was enjoy the water as it rained down on us.  My man is a water baby who loves to be wet, and I love how many showerheads he had in all of his showers.  Knowing that I'll be using his showers for the rest of my life made me smile.  It was going to be like a spa day, every day.

After a few minutes, he stood up and started washing me from head to toe.  I soaked it up, letting him pamper me.  It felt so good that I wanted to enjoy it for eons, so I did.  Once he was finished washing me, I watched like the voyeur that I am while he washed himself.  He looked so beautiful and sexy standing before me, the water sluicing over his body as he soaped himself.  My mouth started watering as I stared at his washboard abs and then switched to staring at his V cut like it was the Mona Lisa.

He wiggled his eyebrows at me when I looked up at him, and I responded by sitting forward and grasping his hardening length in my hand.  Letting out a groan, he pushed my hand back.  "Oh angel, I want nothing more than to love on you right now, but you need to rest."

I gave him a little glare.  "The doctor didn't say that, and I need you so much Spencer.  We can take it easy, but I need to feel you inside of me. I'm already wet baby.  I'm going to be in pain if you don't do something."

His cock said yes before his mouth did, pulsing in front of me hot and hard.  "Damn Delilah, you are dangerous to my self-control.  Stand up."

Jumping to my feet, I smiled at him while I watched him take his spot on the bench.  Reaching his arms out, he pulled me toward him, running his hands up and down my stomach before cupping my breasts and gently rubbing my super sensitive nipples.  I shivered from the feeling, loving the intensity.

Pulling me forward, he helped me straddle him before holding his cock steady so that I could seat myself on him.  I worked myself down slowly, wanting to keep my promise to him that we could take it easy.  I moaned when he filled me all the way up, loving the way I had to struggle every time to take him in, reveling in the feeling of being overly full.  Wrapping his arms around me, he held me close.  I ran my hands up and down his biceps as I gently rocked back and forth.  Leaning forward, I captured his mouth with mine.  We kissed like we loved, hot and full of passion, loving each other with our mouths and bodies.

I rode him as gently as I possibly could, pulling back to look into his eyes.  "I love you, Spencer Cross."

Sliding a hand between us, he started rubbing my clit.  "I worship you, Delilah Hart."

I picked up a little speed, burying my mouth against his chest to keep my cries silent as I came.  As I crested, I nipped at his chest, and then sucked it as I tongued the spot I'd done it.  Pulling me tight to him, he held me as he came inside of me with a low moan.

I didn’t move for a few minutes, soaking up the feeling of being together.  Eventually he announced that we were both prunes, and we both stood up and quickly re-washed before drying off and heading back to the bedroom.  I took a few minutes longer than he did because I half dried my hair, but he stood at the sink and watched me with a smile.

We got into bed and snuggled up, talking quietly about what we would do for the next few days.  He was anxious to get me an emergency appointment with my OB/GYN just to be on the safe side, and I wound up agreeing with him just to calm him down.

Laying my head on his chest, I traced figure eights over his heart.  "I hate that you had to go over there and see them last night.  Please don't do it again, no matter what.  I don't care if they go to the press and I don't care if they make a scene.  I only care about you baby, and I know that being there had to have hurt you.  If they try to talk to you again, I'll probably kill them with my bare hands.  This stunt they pulled is the final straw for your mother.  You have to cut her off, forever.  She isn't redeemable."

He agreed with me.  "I finally get that.  Knowing what she did to Dillon and Leah… I get that it was never about me.  She didn't fail me because there was something wrong with me.  She failed because there's something wrong with her.  I survived because of this family, got out of that house when I was a teenager without blowing it up because I had you to pull me through.  I have the family I was meant to have.  I'm done with Hank and Marceline for life, no matter what they try to blackmail us with."

We continued talking for another thirty minutes or so before we heard the clear sounds of the bed in the other room thudding against the wall in the age-old rhythm of people making love, and we both laughed.

"Jesus," he whispered, "I had no idea the acoustics were this bad.  Thank god we made love in the shower.  I'm pretty sure if Dante heard us going at it the way we do, he'd go insane."

Giggling quietly, I nodded in agreement.  "You're right, it's one thing for him to have the basic idea, but it would be a whole other story if he heard how crazy you and I get. His brain would explode."

The headboard started banging against the wall like mad, and I realized that Spencer wasn't the only person in the house who had insane stamina.  We could hear that Sabrina was trying to be quiet, even heard her tell Dante to hold his hand over her mouth, but you couldn't mistake that they were going wild with each other. Every time I would think they were finished, a few minutes later it would start up again.

Eventually I turned over so Spencer could spoon up behind me, and I fell asleep despite the continued banging on the wall.  I fell asleep with a smile, happy that my brother was in love, and even happier that I had Spencer for good, and that our baby was growing inside of me.

Chapter Thirty-Three:  Spencer

It was a beautiful day to relax on the beach, and almost the entire family was camped out on blankets listening to the waves.  The only person we were missing was Aunt Sandra, but we knew that she was meeting with Flynn's manager and that in a few hours she'd show up with any details that she had.

It was the first time that we all came together as official couples, and I drank it in.

Dominique and Tally were frolicking in the sea, and I loved seeing how radiant Dominique was now that she felt free to be herself and show her love for Tally.  The only weird thing about their relationship to any of us was that Tally continued calling her Nik or Nikki, and since no one but Tally had ever called her that, it's taken some getting used to. They've been together on and off for almost a year, permanently on now that the entire family knows and supports it, and it's clear to see how much they love each other.  Their every touch, every kiss and every smile is so clearly a promise of something bigger.  Seeing how unconditionally they love each other is a joy.

Damien and Brooke were under an umbrella, and he had her pulled back against his chest as they both stared out at the waves.  He was forever touching her, constantly connected. I'd never seen Damien snuggle with anyone, but he and Brooke were always doing it.  He had to be telling her at least a thousand times a day that he loved her, because it fell out of his mouth like he couldn't stop it from happening. Brooke smiles at him with such a look of wonder each and every time he says it, and he gives her that same look right back when she tells him that she loves him too.  Sometimes I think that I can almost see how bound they are to each other, literally.  It's pure and true, and absolutely beautiful to witness. They're the newest couple of the bunch, and you can't miss how voracious their appetites are for each other.

Dante and Sabrina were lying as close together as humanly possible without being totally indecent, hands clasped together and placed against his chest.  He kissed her constantly, stared at her like she was a treasure he'd uncovered and he still couldn't believe his luck.  You couldn't be near them and not know that you were in the presence of two people that were madly in love, because it was so apparent.  The sexual energy all but arcs off of them, always right at the surface.  I sometimes wondered how they got anything done without ripping each other's clothes off.

Delilah and I were under an umbrella of our own, with her curled up against my side.  We fit together like a perfect match, and it made me smile.  We're trying to keep it under control, but now that everyone knows that we’re together and we're free to be in love, our sexual energy has an arc of its own that is hard to miss.  Now that we're "out" as a couple, I can't help but give props to us for keeping it under wraps for the last two years.  This love is the biggest thing I've ever known, the one piece of my world that will never be less than beautiful.  For twenty-two and a half years, I have loved this girl more than I've loved anything or anyone else, and our love continues to grow.  Every time I think that I've reached the capacity of love that a human could possess, I find that I was wrong.  There is no fill line with my love for her, and I know that it will continue on like that forever.

She's right when she says that we were born to be together. Sometimes life gives you terrible things, plays you a hand that isn't right and has the potential to destroy you.  But if you give it time, the balance is there somewhere. There is always hope, always a way out somewhere.  My hope came into my life in the form of a tiny girl who scared the piss out of me so badly that I couldn't even pick her up for months.  Over time, I gave her my heart, and she held it safe, kept it from filling with hate, or breaking entirely. The fact that she was there, that we're here now, tells me that miracles happen.  I was born for her, and I'll never let her go.

I was unlucky to be born to horrible people, but the family that I helped to create is magic.  In my heart, I'm praying that our family can now be the silver lining in Dillon and Leah's lives.

Delilah and Dominique are hoping that Todd and Flynn will be a part of the family too, and I hope that's exactly what happens.  No matter what, I know that we will all meet the challenges ahead together.

Rolling onto my side and propping my head up on my hand, I started rubbing my hand over her belly as I smiled down into her eyes.  Leaning close to her ear I whispered, "How about we go inside and take an afternoon siesta?  I want to hold you and butter bean close."

Her smile was enormous, so beautiful it held my heart captive as she whispered back, "Butter bean and I would love to be held close… as soon as you finish making love to me."

Jumping up I grabbed her hand and the two of started to head for the house.  Over her shoulder Delilah shouted, "I'm tired so we're going to take a nap!"

Just over the sound of the waves I heard Damien yell, "No one was fooled by that, ladybug!"

I just laughed as we picked up the pace and ran to the bedroom, but Delilah yelled over her shoulder, "Don't come inside for a while!"

We had a few hours before Sandra would return, and I planned to use them loving my beautiful angel.  We got to the bedroom fast, and before I even had the door locked, she'd taken off her bikini top.  I growled when I saw that her nipples were already pebbled.  I flicked on the overhead fans and then took off my swim trunks before grabbing my fiancée and pulling her bikini bottoms off.

Pushing her back onto the bed, I spread her legs wide as I descended toward her already glistening core.  I leaned in close, breathing her in before placing my hands under her ass and lifting her up and onto my tongue.

I loved her taste, loved how wet she got, and I especially loved the hot gushes of cream that she flooded my tongue with as I pleasured her.  She fisted her hands in my hair, pulling me into her harder as I tongued her just the way I knew she loved.

"Oh baby, what you do with that mouth of yours is insanity. Is it wrong that I love your tongue almost as much as I love your cock?"

Laughing, I shook my head back and forth over and over as I continued flicking her clit.  She came with a cry that she tried to keep quiet.  I didn't let up, adding two fingers to the mix that I thrust into her that I set to work on her g-spot.  I fucked her gently with my fingers, rubbing that spot as I tongued her clit.  Her cream was drenching my mouth and my fingers, her breath coming in waves.  I pulled my fingers out and flipped her over so that she was on her stomach, then pulled her back and up so that I could tongue her from behind.  She shimmied and shook, quietly begging me to put my cock inside of her.

I ate her like a starving man, slamming my fingers inside of her dripping pussy as I kept at her.  Pulling my fingers back, I swirled them over her tight little rosebud.  Burying her face in the comforter, she screamed as I kept it up. Coating my thumb with saliva, I gently worked it into her ass.  She shrieked into the comforter again once I had it all the way in, then held on for dear life as I fucked her ass with my thumb and her pussy with my fingers.  Pressing down with my fingers, I worked the front wall of her, targeting the g-spot again.  She lasted for less than two minutes before she came with a cry, soaking my fingers with her cream.

Standing up, I pulled her to the edge of the bed before shoving my insanely hard cock inside of her.  Her pussy rippled hard all around me as I slid in and out, giving her time to open fully for me before I picked up speed.  I went slowly, gently back and forth until I heard her moaning, begging me to do it harder. "I need you hard Spencer.  Hard!"  I held back, afraid it would hurt the baby.  Sensing what was holding me up she said, "I looked online, it's fine.  It won't hurt the baby.  Make me come!"

I let myself go, thrusting into her fast and hard, holding her hips tight as I plowed in and out.  She gushed and shook under me, screaming into the comforter as she clenched and unclenched around me.  I'd never seen her so wild, and I struggled to hold on.  She came again, drenching my cock as I continued pounding her tight heat.

I heard her talking, knew that she was saying something but didn't immediately hear her.  Slowing down I said, "What baby?"'

"Turn me over.  I want to see your face when you come."

Pulling out, I turned her over before spreading her legs and sliding into her heat again.  There is nothing in the world that compares to being inside of Delilah, no other connection that has ever mattered so much to me.  Intense is a laughable understatement of a description.

Wrapping her arms and legs around me, she held me close as I thrust in and out.  Placing my hand under her head, I pulled her mouth up to mine so that we could kiss.  Her tongue danced with mine, the slide and slip of us working our tongues against each other was exquisite.  I groaned into her mouth as she clenched her muscles against me, driving me crazy as she milked my shaft.

Her hands were all over me, running up and down my torso, rubbing my arms, scratching at my shoulders.  The whole time, we kept our eyes open, the connection absolute.  Pulling my mouth from hers, I stared into her eyes as I thrust.  She pulsed around me, her chest flushed and her eyes glassy with desire as I worked her over.

"Oh god, oh god… Spencer! I'm coming.  Help me!"

I knew what she was asking me for, and I put my hand over her mouth as she screamed.  She was wet, hot and heavenly under me, and I felt my balls starting to tighten up.  Pushing me back, she told me to pull out and lay down on the bed.  Raising my eyebrows, I rolled off and flopped onto my back.  Within seconds she had me in her mouth, licking and sucking me like only she can, like only she ever will again.  She worked the head of my cock like she was the master of it, which in reality, she was.

A few minutes of that and I was done.  Grabbing behind me, I found a pillow and held it over my mouth as I erupted into her mouth, shouting as she sucked every last drop out of me.

When she was finished, she came up and settled on top of me as she kissed my neck and my face.  I rubbed my hands up and down her back, telling her over and over how much I loved her.

"How about we get under the covers and take our siesta now angel?  I want to curl up with you and butter bean."

She glowed when she stood up and helped me pull the comforter back.  I had a vision of her with a rounded stomach, glowing like she was now, and so full of life.  It blew me away to realize that we'd created something together that in a few months would be in our arms.  Climbing under the covers, I pulled her in close to me as I rubbed my hand over her flat stomach.

"I'm still scared out of my mind, but I'm excited too.  I love you angel."

Laying her hand over mind, she squeezed.  "I'm not scared at all. There isn't a doubt in my mind that you're going to be an amazing father.  If you saw yourself, saw what I do, and knew yourself as well as I know you, you'd never be scared."

I smiled into her hair, kissing the top of her head.  If I knew anything, it's that Delilah knows me, inside and out.  She's strong, and she won't take any shit.  If she believed in me, everything is possible.

Smiling, I hugged her from behind. "I love you Delilah, and that's forever."

I felt her smile, even though I couldn't see it.  "I love you Spencer, forever."

Snuggling her, I smiled as I drifted off to sleep, hoping that when we woke up Aunt Sandra would have some new information for us.  With Delilah at my side, I knew that everything was going to be just fine.

About the Author

I've been reading romance see I was knee high to a grasshopper.  Although I enjoy other genres, romance has and will always be my home turf.

"Loving Hart" is my third book, and I loved writing it.  Spencer & Delilah's story poured out of me, and I am excited to have shared it with you!

If you liked this book, please consider leaving feedback on Amazon and Goodreads.  Reviews are a writer’s life blood, and it’s what pushes us forward.

To see who and what was on Ella's mind as she wrote "The Hart Family" series, check out her Pinterest.    www.pinterest.com/AuthorEllaFox

There are more chapters of The Hart Family story to tell.  Dillon's story, "Missing Hart" will be out in 2013.

Follow Ella on Twitter www.twitter.com/AuthorEllaFox

Visit Ella’s blog for details on future releases http://talesbyella.blogspot.com/

Ella can also be found on Goodreads

Coming Soon

There is more to come for the Hart family!  In 2013 you will be meeting Dillon.  His book is titled "Missing Hart."

About The Author:

"Half a Hart" is Ella Fox's third book.  Her first two books, "Broken Hart" and "Shattered Hart" detail the love stories of Dante & Sabrina and Damien & Brooke.

Ella is an avid reader who will always have a penchant for love stories.  She enjoys running, music, reading and going to the movies.  She also enjoys hearing from fans!  You can reach her by email at ellafoxauthor@gmail.com

Visit her on the web at www.talesbyella.blogspot.com or on twitter www.twitter.com/authorellafox

If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review on Amazon & Goodreads!  Your reviews keep a writer going, and let them know how they are doing.

Be kind, review.