Continuing the "Marriages" topic of the 19th-century discipline: _________________________________________________________________ It is the judgment of this meeting, that where parents or guardians have approved the visits or addresses of a man (a member of our religious society) to any of their children or those under their care, that they do not retract the same, without giving such reasons as shall be satisfactory to the monthly meeting whereto they belong. -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1809 New England discipline phrases this concern: "And it is further advised, that after parents and guardians have suffered their children to engage one another in affections, they do not break off upon any worldly account, but that they wait upon and seek the Lord for their children, in proposals of marriage, before they give any encouragement thereunto." -------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1809 New England discipline states: "The prudent and christian care that has been maintained amongst us, in relation to marriage, ever since we were a people, having obtained a good report, it is become afresh the concern of this meeting that the reputation of our religious society, and the cause of truth herein, may still be kept up; and that not only the several weighty advices of this meeting, in respect to the proceedings of the parties concerned, and the conduct of their parents and guardians, may be observed, but likewise that as little diversity as may be, may appear amongst us, in regard to the form and manner of solemnization" -------------------------------------------------------------- For the accomplishment of marriage, it is directed that the following order be observed: If both the parties belong to the same monthly meeting, the men's and women's monthly meetings should be informed of their intentions; and the man at a proper time be accompanied into the women's meeting, by a suitable Friend nominated thereto: there the parties are first to declare, that "With Divine permission, and Friends' approbation, they intend marriage with each other"--whereupon, two women Friends should be appointed by minute to make the usual inquiry respecting the woman; and then proceeding to the men's meeting, they should repeat (or make) the same declaration there, and two men Friends be in like manner appointed to inquire concerning the man. If the parties have parents or guardians present, their consent should be expressed; or, if the man is a member of another monthly meeting, the consent of his parents, if he have any, should be produced in writing, either then or at the next meeting, with a certificate from his monthly meeting of his clearness from other like engagements. If the woman be a widow having children, two or more friends should be appointed in the meeting of which she is a member, to see that the rights of her children are legally secured. At the next meeting, if the committees report that careful enquiry has been made, and no obstruction to the further proceeding of the parties appears, the meeting is to leave them at liberty to accomplish their marriage according to our rules, and appoint two Friends of each sex, to attend and see that good order is observed. -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1809 New England discipline adds: "Monthly-meetings are at liberty, when they think any peculiarity of circumstances, of either of the parties proposing marriage, warrant a deviation from our general practice, to shorten the time of their re- ceiving their answer, by adjourning a monthly-meeting; having especial care, that the time for inspecting the clearness of the parties, be not less than two weeks from their making their proposals, and receiving the meeting's answer." -------------------------------------------------------------- It is further advised, that the said marriage be accomplished decently, gravely, and weightily; and that the parties themselves, their parents and others concerned, do take care at the houses or places where they go after the meeting is over, that no reproach arise, or occasion of offence be given, by any intemperate or immoderate feasting or drinking, or by any unseemly, wanton, or rude discourses or actions; but that all behave with such sobriety as becomes a people fearing God; and that the company retire to their homes in seasonable time. And if any thing to the contrary is observed, the overseers, or other concerned Friends present, ought as speedily as they conveniently can, to take such aside who make any breach upon good order, and in brotherly love admonish them to a better behaviour; and the said overseers are to make report to the next monthly meeting, whether this advice concerning decency and order be observed, and take care that the marriage certificate be recorded. -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1863 Ohio (Conservative) discipline adds: "Marriages are to be solemnized at the usual week-day Meetings for Worship, or at a meeting appointed at a seasonable hour in the forenoon on some other convenient week-day, and at the meeting house to which the woman belongs--previous notice to Friends generally, in the latter case, being given. "Towards the conclusion of said meeting, the parties are to stand up, and, taking each other by the hand, are to declare, in an audible and solemn manner, to the following effect--the man first, viz: 'Friends, in the presence of the Lord, and be- fore this assembly, I take this my friend D. E. to be my wife; promising, with divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband, until death shall separate us;' and then the woman in like manner: 'Friends, in the presence of the Lord, and before this assembly, I take this my friend A. B. to be my husband; promising, with divine assistance, to be unto him a loving and faithful wife, until death shall separate us.' "The marriage certificate is then to be audibly read by some proper person, the express names and description of the parties being first inserted. They are then to sign the same, the man first, then the woman, with the adopted name of her husband; the relatives next as witnesses, and such others present as are disposed to subscribe their names." -------------------------------------------------------------- The form of which certificate shall be as follows: Whereas, A.B. of ____, in the county of ____, in ___, son of C.B. of ____ and H. his wife; and D.E. daughter of F.E. of ___ and M. his wife, having declared their intentions of marriage with each other, before a monthly meeting of the religious socie- ty of Friends, held at ____, according to the good order used among them [_where the parties are under the care of parents or guardians add_] and having consent of parents or guardians con- cerned (_as the case is_) their said proposal of marriage was al- lowed of by the said meeting. Now these are to certify whom it may concern, that for the full accomplishment of their said in- tentions, this ____ day of the ___ month, in the year of our Lord ___, they, the said A.B. and D.E. appeared in a public meeting of the said people, held at ____ aforesaid; and the said A.B. taking the said D.E. by the hand, did, on this solemn occasion, openly declare, that he took her, the said D.E., to be his wife, promising, with Divine assistance to be unto her a loving and faithful husband until death should separate them; and then, in the same assembly, the said D.E. did in like manner declare, that she took him, the said A.B. to be her husband, promising, with divine assistance to be unto him a loving and faithful wife, until death should separate them. And moreover, they, the said A.B. and D.E. (she according to the custom of marriage, assuming the name of her husband) did as a further confirmation thereof, then and there to these presents set their hands. And we whose names are also hereunto subscribed, being present at the solemnization of the said marriage and subscription, have, as witnesses thereto, set our hands the day and year above written. A. B. D. B. -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1843 Philadelphia Hicksite discipline attaches a footnote to the above certificate: "*When the marriage is accomplished at a _private house_, instead of the words, "in a public meet- meeting of the said Society, held at....aforesaid," say, "at the house of.......in the...... of ......" -------------------------------------------------------------- That the marriage of persons too near akin may, as much as in us lies, be prevented, this meeting concludes, that no marriage between first-cousins, nor between a man and his deceased wife's half-sister, shall be permitted among us; and that, where any person or persons so circumstanced shall inter- marry, their so doing shall be considered as a relinquishment of their connection with the society, and they be accordingly disowned by the monthly meetings of which they are members. And it is further concluded, that, if any such persons shall afterwards apply to the monthly meeting which disowned him or her for reinstatement, the said meeting is not to accede to the proposed, until the case shall be represented to the quarterly meeting, and its consent obtained, after being well assured that the parties are brought to a due sense of their transgression, manifested by uprightness of life and conversation. -------------------------------------------------------------- After "a deceased wife's sister," the 1809 New England and the 1863 Ohio Conserv. discipline add, "or a deceased husband's brother." This rule against marrying a deceased spouse's sib- ling is also found in the New York discipline, but in all 4 of these yearly meetings it is repealed in a later edition. -------------------------------------------------------------- The Marriages section continues in "The Old Discipline- 18C"