Vampire
Chronicles 03
by Anne
Rice
I'm the
vampire Lestat. Remember me? The vampire who became a super rock star, the one
who wrote the autobiography? The one with the blond hair and the gray eyes, and
the insatiable desire for visibility and fame? You remember. I wanted to be a
symbol of evil in a shining century that didn't have any place for the literal
evil that I am. I even figured I'd do some good in that fashion-playing the
devil on the painted stage.
And I
was off to a good start when we talked last. I'd just made my debut in San
Francisco-first "live concert" for me and my mortal band. Our album
was a huge success. My autobiography was doing respectably with both the dead
and the undead.
Then something
utterly unforeseen took place. Well, at least I hadn't seen it coming. And when
I left you, I was hanging from the proverbial cliff, you might say.
Well,
it's all over now - what followed. I've survived, obviously. I wouldn't be
talking to you if I hadn't. And the cosmic dust has finally settled; and the
small rift in the world's fabric of rational beliefs has been mended, or at
least closed.
I'm a
little sadder for all of it, and a little meaner and a little more
conscientious as well. I'm also infinitely more powerful, though the human in
me is closer to the surface than ever-an anguished and hungry being who both
loves and detests this invincible immortal shell in which I'm locked.
The
blood thirst? Insatiable, though physically I have never needed the blood less.
Possibly I could exist now without it altogether. But the lust I feel for
everything that walks tells me that this will never be put to the test.
You
know, it was never merely the need for the blood anyway, though the blood is
all things sensual that a creature could desire; it's the intimacy of that
moment-drinking, killing-the great heart-to-heart dance that takes place as the
victim weakens and I feel myself expanding, swallowing the death which, for a
split second, blazes as large as the life.
That's
deceptive, however. No death can be as large as a life. And that's why I keep
taking life, isn't it? And I'm as far from salvation now as I could ever get.
The fact that I know it only makes it worse.
Of
course I can still pass for human; all of us can, in one way or another, no
matter how old we are. Collar up, hat down, dark glasses, hands in pockets-it
usually does the trick. I like slim leather jackets and tight jeans for this
disguise now, and a pair of plain black boots that are good for walking on any
terrain. But now and then I wear the fancier silks which people like in these
southern climes where I now reside.
If
someone does look too closely, then there is a little telepathic razzle-dazzle:
Perfectly normal, what you see. And a flash of the old smile, fang teeth
easily concealed, and the mortal goes his way.
Occasionally
I throw up all the disguises; I just go out the way I am. Hair long, a velvet
blazer that makes me think of the olden times, and an emerald ring or two on my
right hand. I walk fast right through the downtown crowds in this lovely
corrupt southern city; or stroll slowly along the beaches, breathing the warm
southern breeze, on sands that are as white as the moon.
Nobody
stares for more than a second or two. There are too many other inexplicable
things around us-horrors, threats, mysteries that draw you in and then
inevitably disenchant you. Back to the predictable and humdrum. The prince is
never going to come, everybody knows that; and maybe Sleeping Beauty's dead.
It's
the same for the others who have survived with me, and who share this hot and
verdant little corner of the universe-the southeastern tip of the North
American continent, the glistering metropolis of Miami, a happy hunting ground
for blood thirsting immortals if ever there was such a place.
It's
good to have them with me, the others; it's crucial, really- and what I always
thought I wanted: a grand coven of the wise, the enduring, the ancient, and the
careless young.
But ah,
the agony of being anonymous among mortals has never been worse for me, greedy
monster that I am. The soft murmur of preternatural voices can't distract me
from it. That taste of mortal recognition was too seductive-the record albums
in the windows, the fans leaping and clapping in front of the stage. Never mind
that they didn't really believe I was a vampire; for that moment we were
together. They were calling my name!
Now the
record albums are gone, and I will never listen to those songs again. My book remains-along
with Interview with the Vampire-safely disguised as fiction, which is,
perhaps, as it should be. I caused enough trouble, as you will see.
Disaster,
that's what I wrought with my little games. The vampire who would have been a
hero and a martyr finally for one moment of pure relevance...
You'd
think I'd learn something from it, wouldn't you? Well, I did, actually. I
really did.
But
it's just so painful to shrink back into the shadows-Lestat, the sleek and
nameless gangster ghoulie again creeping up on helpless mortals who know
nothing of things like me. So hurtful to be again the outsider, forever on the
fringes, struggling with good and evil in the age-old private hell of body and
soul.
In my
isolation now I dream of finding some sweet young thing in a moonlighted
chamber-one of those tender teenagers, as they call them now, who read my book
and listened to my songs; one of the idealistic lovelies who wrote me fan
letters on scented paper, during that brief period of ill-fated glory, talking
of poetry and the power of illusion, saying she wished I was real; I dream of
stealing into her darkened room, where maybe my book lies on a bedside table,
with a pretty velvet marker in it, and I dream of touching her shoulder and
smiling as our eyes meet. "Lestat! I always believed in you. I always knew
you would come!"
I clasp
her face in both hands as I bend to kiss her. "Yes, darling," I
answer, "and you don't know how I need you, how I love you, how I always
have."
Maybe
she would find me more charming on account of what's befallen me-the unexpected
horror I've seen, the inevitable pain I've endured. It's an awful truth that
suffering can deepen us, give a greater luster to our colors, a richer
resonance to our words. That is, if it doesn't destroy us, if it doesn't burn
away the optimism and the spirit, the capacity for visions, and the respect for
simple yet indispensable things.
Please
forgive me if I sound bitter.
I don't
have any right to be. I started the whole thing; and I got out in one piece, as
they say. And so many of our kind did not. Then there were the mortals who
suffered. That part was inexcusable. And surely I shall always pay for that.
But you
see, I still don't really fully understand what happened. I don't know whether
or not it was a tragedy, or merely a meaningless venture. Or whether or not
something absolutely magnificent might have been born of my blundering,
something that could have lifted me right out of irrelevance and nightmare and
into the burning light of redemption after all.
I may
never know, either. The point is, it's over. And our world-our little private
realm-is smaller and darker and safer than ever. It will never again be what it
was.
It's a
wonder that I didn't foresee the cataclysm, but then I never really envision
the finish of anything that I start. It's the risk that fascinates, the moment
of infinite possibility. It lures me through eternity when all other charms
fail.
After
all, I was like that when I was alive two hundred years ago-the restless one, the
impatient one, the one who was always spoiling for love and a good brawl. When
I set out for Paris in the 1780s to be an actor, all I dreamed of were
beginnings-the moment each night when the curtain went up.
Maybe the
old ones are right. I refer now to the true immortals-the blood drinkers who've
survived the millennia-who say that none of us really changes over time; we
only become more fully what we are.
To put
it another way, you do get wiser when you live for hundreds of years; but you
also have more time to turn out as badly as your enemies always said you might.
And I'm
the same devil I always was, the young man who would have center stage, where
you can best see me, and maybe love me. One's no good without the other. And I
want so much to amuse you, to enthrall you, to make you forgive me
everything... Random moments of secret contact and recognition will never be
enough, I'm afraid. But I'm jumping ahead now, aren't I? If you've read my
autobiography then you want to know what I'm talking about. What was this
disaster of which I speak?
Well,
let's review, shall we? As I've said, I wrote the book and made the album
because I wanted to be visible, to be seen for what I am, even if only in
symbolic terms.
As to
the risk that mortals might really catch on, that they might realize I was
exactly what I said I was-I was rather excited by that possibility as well. Let
them hunt us down, let them destroy us, that was in a way my fondest wish. We
don't deserve to exist; they ought to kill us. And think of the battles! Ah,
fighting those who really know what I am. But I never really expected such a
confrontation; and the rock musician persona, it was too marvelous a cover for
a fiend like me.
It was
my own kind who took me literally, who decided to punish me for what I had
done. And of course I'd counted on that too.
After
all, I'd told our history in my autobiography; I'd told our deepest secrets,
things I'd been sworn never to reveal. And I was strutting before the hot
lights and the camera lenses. And what if some scientist had gotten hold of me,
or more likely a zealous police officer on a minor traffic violation five
minutes before sunup, and somehow I'd been incarcerated, inspected, identified,
and classified-all during the daylight hours while I lay helpless-to the
satisfaction of the worst mortal skeptics worldwide?
Granted,
that wasn't very likely. Still isn't. (Though it could be such fun, it really
could!)
Yet it
was inevitable that my own kind should be infuriated by the risks I was taking,
that they would try to burn me alive, or chop me up in little immortal pieces.
Most of the young ones, they were too stupid to realize how safe we were.
And as
the night of the concert approached, I'd found myself dreaming of those
battles, too. Such a pleasure it was going to be to destroy those who were as
evil as I was; to cut a swathe through the guilty; to cut down my own image
again and again.
Yet,
you know, the sheer joy of being out there, making music, making theater,
making magic!-that's what it was all about in the end. I wanted to be alive,
finally. I wanted to be simply human. The mortal actor who'd gone to Paris two
hundred years ago and met death on the boulevard, would have his moment at
last.
But to
continue with the review-the concert was a success. I had my moment of triumph
before fifteen thousand screaming mortal fans; and two of my greatest immortal
loves were there with me-Gabrielle and Louis-my fledglings, my paramours, from
whom I'd been separated for too many dark years.
Before
the night was over, we licked the pesty vampires who tried to punish me for
what I was doing. But we'd had an invisible ally in these little skirmishes;
our enemies burst into flames before they could do us harm.
As
morning approached, I was too elated by the whole night to take the question of
danger seriously. I ignored Gabrielle's impassioned warnings-too sweet to hold
her once again; and I dismissed Louis's dark suspicions as I always had.
And
then the jam, the cliffhanger...
Just as
the sun was rising over Carmel Valley and I was closing my eyes as vampires
must do at that moment, I realized I wasn't alone in my underground lair. It
wasn't only the young vampires I'd reached with my music; my songs had roused from
their slumber the very oldest of our kind in the world.
And I
found myself in one of those breathtaking instants of risk and possibility.
What was to follow? Was I to die finally, or perhaps to be reborn?
Now, to
tell you the full story of what happened after that, I must move back a little
in time.
I have
to begin some ten nights before the fatal concert and I have to let you slip
into the minds and hearts of other beings who were responding to my music and
my book in ways of which I knew little or nothing at the time.
In
other words, a lot was going on which I had to reconstruct later. And it is the
reconstruction that I offer you now.
So we
will move out of the narrow, lyrical confines of the first person singular; we
will jump as a thousand mortal writers have done into the brains and souls of
"many characters." We will gallop into the world of "third
person" and "multiple point of view."
And by
the way, when these other characters think or say of me that I am beautiful or
irresistible, etc., don't think I put these words in their heads. I didn't!
It's what was told to me after, or what I drew out of their minds with
infallible telepathic power; I wouldn't lie about that or anything else. I
can't help being a gorgeous fiend. It's just the card I drew. The bastard
monster who made me what I am picked me on account of my good looks. That's the
long and short of it. And accidents like that occur all the time.
We live
in a world of accidents finally, in which only aesthetic principles have a
consistency of which we can be sure. Right and wrong we will struggle with
forever, striving to create and maintain an ethical balance; but the shimmer of
summer rain under the street lamps or the great flashing glare of artillery
against a night sky-such brutal beauty is beyond dispute.
Now, be
assured: though I am leaving you, I will return with full flair at the
appropriate moment. The truth is, I hate not being the first person narrator
all the way through! To paraphrase David Copperfield, I don't know whether I'm
the hero or the victim of this tale. But either way, shouldn't I dominate it?
I'm the one really telling it, after all.
Alas,
my being the James Bond of vampires isn't the whole issue. Vanity must wait. I
want you to know what really took place with us, even if you never believe it.
In fiction if nowhere else, I must have a little meaning, a little coherence,
or I will go mad.
So
until we meet again, I am thinking of you always; I love you; I wish you were
here... in my arms.
DECLARATION
IN THE FORM OF GRAFFITI
-written
in black felt-tip pen on a red wall in the back room of a bar called Dracula's
Daughter in San Francisco-
Children
of Darkness Be Advised of the Following:
BOOK
ONE: Interview with the Vampire, published in 1976, was a true story.
Any one of us could have written it-an account of becoming what we are, of the
misery and the searching. Yet Louis, the two-hundred-year-old immortal who
reveals all, insists on mortal sympathy. Lestat, the villain who gave Louis the
Dark Gift, gave him precious little else in the way of explanations or
consolation. Sound familiar? Louis hasn't given up the search for salvation
yet, though even Armand, the oldest immortal he was ever to find, could tell
him nothing of why we are here or who made us. Not very surprising, is it,
vampire boys and girls? After all, there has never been a Baltimore Catechism
for vampires.
That
is, there wasn't until the publication of:
BOOK
Two: The Vampire Lestat, this very week. Subtitle: His "early education
and adventures." You don't believe it? Check with the nearest mortal
bookseller. Then go into the nearest record store and ask to see the album
which has only just arrived-also entitled The Vampire Lestat, with
predictable modesty. Or if all else fails, switch on your cable TV, if you
don't disdain such things, and wait for one of Lestat's numerous rock video
films, which began to air with nauseating frequency only yesterday. You will
know Lestat for what he is immediately. And it may not surprise you to be told
that he plans to compound these unprecedented outrages by appearing
"live" on stage in a debut concert in this very city. Yes, on
Halloween, you guessed it.
But let
us forget for the moment the blatant insanity of his preternatural eyes flashing
from every record store window, or his powerful voice singing out the secret
names and stories of the most ancient among us. Why is he doing all this? What
do his songs tell us? It is spelled out in his book. He has given us not only a
catechism but a Bible.
And
deep into biblical times we are led to confront our first parents: Enkil and
Akasha, rulers of the valley of the Nile before it was ever called Egypt.
Kindly disregard the gobbledygook of how they became the first bloodsuckers on
the face of the earth; it makes only a little more sense than the story of how
life formed on this planet in the first place, or how human fetuses develop
from microscopic cells within the wombs of their mortal mothers. The truth is
we are descended from this venerable pair, and like it or no, there is
considerable reason to believe that the primal generator of all our delicious
and indispensable powers resides in one or the other of their ancient bodies.
What does this mean? To put it bluntly, if Akasha and Enkil should ever walk
hand in hand into a furnace, we should all burn with them. Crush them to
glittering dust, and we are annihilated.
Ah, but
there's hope. The pair hasn't moved in over fifty centuries! Yes, that's
correct. Except of course that Lestat claims to have wakened them both by
playing a violin at the foot of their shrine. But if we dismiss his extravagant
tale that Akasha took him in her arms and shared with him her primal blood, we
are left with the more likely state of affairs, corroborated by stories of old,
that the two have not batted an eyelash since before the fall of the Roman
Empire. They've been kept all this time in a nice private crypt by Marius, an
ancient Roman vampire, who certainly knows what's best for all of us. And it
was he who told the Vampire Lestat never to reveal the secret.
Not a
very trustworthy confidant, the Vampire Lestat. And what are his motives for
the book, the album, the films, the concert? Quite impossible to know what goes
on in the mind of this fiend, except that what he wants to do he does, with
reliable consistency. After all, did he not make a vampire child? And a vampire
of his own mother, Gabrielle, who for years was his loving companion? He may
set his sights upon the papacy, this devil, out of sheer thirst for excitement!
So
that's the gist: Louis, a wandering philosopher whom none of us can find, has
confided our deepest moral secrets to countless strangers. And Lestat has dared
to reveal our history to the world, as he parades his supernatural endowments
before the mortal public.
Now the
Question: Why are these two still in existence? Why have we not destroyed them
already? Oh, the danger to us from the great mortal herd is by no means a
certainty. The villagers are not yet at the door, torches in hand, threatening
to burn the castle. But the monster is courting a change in mortal perspective.
And though we are too clever to corroborate for the human record his foolish
fabrications, the outrage exceeds all precedent. It cannot go unpunished.
Further
observations: If the story the Vampire Lestat has told is true-and there are
many who swear it is, though on what account they cannot tell you-may not the
two-thousand-year-old Marius come forward to punish Lestat's disobedience? Or
perhaps the King and Queen, if they have ears to hear, will waken at the sound
of their names carried on radio waves around the planet. What might happen to
us all if this should occur? Shall we prosper under their new reign? Or will
they set the time for universal destruction? Whatever the case, might not the
swift destruction of the Vampire Lestat avert it?
The
Plan: Destroy the Vampire Lestat and all his cohorts as soon as they dare to
show themselves. Destroy all those who show him allegiance.
A
Warning: Inevitably, there are other very old blood drinkers out there. We have
all from time to time glimpsed them, or felt their presence. Lestat's
revelations do not shock so much as they rouse some unconscious awareness
within us. And surely with their great powers, these old ones can hear Lestat's
music. What ancient and terrible beings, incited by history, purpose, or mere
recognition, might be moving slowly and inexorably to answer his summons?
Copies
of this Declaration have to been sent to every meeting place on the Vampire
Connection, and to coven houses the world over. But you must take heed and
spread the word: The Vampire Lestat is to be destroyed and with him his mother,
Gabrielle, his cohorts, Louis and Armand, and any and all immortals who show
him loyalty.
Happy
Halloween, vampire boys and girls. We shall see you at the concert. We shall
see that the Vampire Lestat never leaves it.
The
blond-haired figure in the red velvet coat read the declaration over again from
his comfortable vantage point in the far corner. His eyes were almost invisible
behind his dark tinted glasses and the brim of his gray hat. He wore gray suede
gloves, and his arms were folded over his chest as he leaned back against the
high black wainscoting, one boot heel hooked on the rung of his chair.
"Lestat,
you are the damnedest creature!" he whispered under his breath. "You
are a brat prince." He gave a little private laugh. Then he scanned the
large shadowy room.
Not
unpleasing to him, the intricate black ink mural drawn with such skill, like
spider webs on the white plaster wall. He rather enjoyed the ruined castle, the
graveyard, the withered tree clawing at the full moon. It was the cliché
reinvented as if it were not a cliché, an artistic gesture he invariably
appreciated. Very fine too was the molded ceiling with its frieze of prancing
devils and hags upon broomsticks. And the incense, sweet-an old Indian mixture
which he himself had once burnt in the shrine of Those Who Must Be Kept
centuries ago.
Yes,
one of the more beautiful of the clandestine meeting places.
Less
pleasing were the inhabitants, the scattering of slim white figures who hovered
around candles set on small ebony tables. Far too many of them for this
civilized modern city. And they knew it. To hunt tonight, they would have to roam
far and wide, and young ones always have to hunt. Young ones have to kill.
They
are too hungry to do it any other way. But they thought only of him just now -
who was he, where had he come from? Was he very old and very strong, and what
would he do before he left here? Always the same questions, though he tried to
slip into their "vampire bars" like any vagrant blood drinker, eyes
averted, mind closed.
Time to
leave their questions unanswered. He had what he wanted, a fix on their
intentions. And Lestat's small audio cassette in his jacket pocket. He would
have a tape of the video rock films before he went home.
He rose
to go. And one of the young ones rose also. A stiff silence fell, a silence in
thoughts as well as words as he and the young one both approached the door.
Only the candle flames moved, throwing their shimmer on the black tile floor as
if it were in water.
"Where
do you come from, stranger?" asked the young one politely. He couldn't
have been more than twenty when he died, and that could not have been ten years
ago. He painted his eyes, waxed his lips, streaked his hair with barbaric
color, as if the preternatural gifts were not enough. How extravagant he
looked, not unlike what he was, a spare and powerful revenant who could with
luck survive the millennia.
What
had they promised him with their modern jargon? That he should know the Bardo,
the Astral Plane, etheric realms, the music of the spheres, the sound of one
hand clapping?
Again
he spoke: "Where do you stand on the Vampire Lestat, and the
Declaration?"
"You
must forgive me. I'm going now."
But
surely you know what Lestat's done," the young one, slipping between him
and the door. Now, this was not good manners.
He
studied this brash young male more closely. Should he do something to stir them
up? To have them talking about it for centuries? He couldn't repress a smile.
But no. There'd be enough excitement soon, thanks to his beloved Lestat.
"Let
me give you a little piece of advice in response," he said quietly to the
young inquisitor. "You cannot destroy the Vampire Lestat; no one can. But
why that is so, I honestly can't tell you."
The
young one was caught off guard, and a little insulted.
"But
let me ask you a question now," the other continued. "Why this
obsession with the Vampire Lestat? What about the content of his revelations?
Have you fledglings no desire to seek Marius, the guardian of Those Who Must Be
Kept? To see for yourselves the Mother and the Father?"
The young
one was confused, then gradually scornful. He could not form a clever answer.
But the true reply was plain enough in his soul-in the souls of all those
listening and watching. Those Who Must Be Kept might or might not exist; and
Marius perhaps did not exist either. But the Vampire Lestat was real, as real
as anything this callow immortal knew, and the Vampire Lestat was a greedy
fiend who risked the secret prosperity of all his kind just to be loved and
seen by mortals.
He
almost laughed in the young one's face. Such an insignificant battle. Lestat
understood these faithless times so beautifully, one had to admit it. Yes, he'd
told the secrets he'd been warned to keep, but in so doing, he had betrayed
nothing and no one.
"Watch
out for the Vampire Lestat," he said to the young one finally with a
smile. "There are very few true immortals walking this earth. He may be
one of them."
Then he
lifted the young one off his feet and set him down out of the way. And he went
out the door into the tavern proper.
The
front room, spacious and opulent with its black velvet hangings and fixtures of
lacquered brass, was packed with noisy mortals. Cinema vampires glared from
their gilt frames on satin-lined walls. An organ poured out the passionate
Toccata and Fugue of Bach, beneath a babble of conversation and violent riffs
of drunken laughter. He loved the sight of so much exuberant life. He loved
even the age-old smell of the malt and the wine, and the perfume of the
cigarettes. And as he made his way to the front, he loved the crush of the soft
fragrant humans against him. He loved the fact that the living took not the
slightest notice of him.
At last
the moist air, the busy early evening pavements of Castro Street. The sky still
had a polished silver gleam. Men and women rushed to and fro to escape the
faint slanting rain, to be clotted at the corners, waiting for great bulbous
colored lights to wink and signal.
The
speakers of the record store across the street blared Lestat's voice over the
roar of the passing bus, the hiss of wheels on the wet asphalt:
In my dreams, I hold her still, Angel, lover, Mother. And in my dreams, I kiss her lips, Mistress, Muse, Daughter. She gave me life I gave her death My beautiful Marquise. And on the Devil's Road we walked Two orphans then together. And does she hear my hymns tonight of Kings and Queens and Ancient truths? Of broken vows and sorrow? Or does she climb some distant path where rhyme and song can't find her? Come back to me, my Gabrielle My Beautiful Marquise. The castle's ruined on the hill The village lost beneath the snow But you are mine forever.
Was she
here already, his mother?
The
voice died away in a soft drift of electric notes to be swallowed finally by
the random noise around him. He wandered out into the wet breeze and made his
way to the corner. Pretty, the busy little street. The flower vendor still sold
his blooms beneath the awning. The butcher was thronged with after-work
shoppers. Behind the café windows, mortals took their evening meals or lingered
with their newspapers. Dozens waited for a downhill bus, and a line had formed
across the way before an old motion picture theater.
She was
here, Gabrielle. He had a vague yet infallible sense of it.
When he
reached the curb, he stood with his back against the iron street lamp,
breathing the fresh wind that came off the mountain. It was a good view of
downtown, along the broad straight length of Market Street. Rather like a
boulevard in Paris. And all around the gentle urban slopes covered with cheerful
lighted windows.
Yes,
but where was she, precisely? Gabrielle, he whispered. He closed his eyes. He
listened. At first there came the great boundless roar of thousands of voices,
image crowding upon image. The whole wide world threatened to open up, and to
swallow him with its ceaseless lamentations. Gabrielle. The thunderous
clamor slowly died away. He caught a glimmer of pain from a mortal passing
near. And in a high building on the hill, a dying woman dreamed of childhood
strife as she sat listless at her window. Then in a dim steady silence, he saw
what he wanted to see: Gabrielle, stopped in her tracks. She'd heard his voice.
She knew that she was watched. A tall blond female, hair in a single braid down
her back, standing in one of the clean deserted streets of downtown, not far
from him. She wore a khaki jacket and pants, a worn brown sweater. And a hat
not unlike his own that covered her eyes, only a bit of her face visible above
her upturned collar. Now she closed her mind, effectively surrounding herself
with an invisible shield. The image vanished.
Yes,
here, waiting for her son, Lestat. Why had he ever feared for her-the cold one
who fears nothing for herself, only for Lestat. All right. He was pleased. And
Lestat would be also.
But
what about the other? Louis, the gentle one, with the black hair and green
eyes, whose steps made a careless sound when he walked, who even whistled to
himself in dark streets so that mortals heard him coming. Louis, where are
you?
Almost
instantly, he saw Louis enter an empty drawing room. He had only just come up
the stairs from the cellar where he had slept by day in a vault behind the
wall. He had no awareness at all of anyone watching. He moved with silky
strides across the dusty room, and stood looking down through the soiled glass
at the thick flow of passing cars. Same old house on Divisadero Street. In
fact, nothing changed much at all with this elegant and sensuous creature who
had caused such a little tumult with his story in Interview with the Vampire.
Except that now he was waiting for Lestat. He had had troubling dreams; he was
fearful for Lestat, and full of old and unfamiliar longings.
Reluctantly,
he let the image go. He had a great affection for that one, Louis. And the
affection was not wise because Louis had a tender, educated soul and none of
the dazzling power of Gabrielle or her devilish son. Yet Louis might survive as
long as they, he was sure of that. Curious the kinds of courage which made for
endurance. Maybe it had to do with acceptance. But then how account for Lestat,
beaten, scarred, yet risen again? Lestat who never accepted anything?
They
had not found each other yet, Gabrielle and Louis. But it was all right. What was
he to do? Bring them together? The very idea... Besides, Lestat would do that
soon enough.
But now
he was smiling again. "Lestat, you are the damnedest creature! Yes, a brat
prince." Slowly, he reinvoked every detail of Lestat's face and form. The
ice-blue eyes, darkening with laughter; the generous smile; the way the
eyebrows came together in a boyish scowl; the sudden flares of high spirits and
blasphemous humor. Even the catlike poise of the body he could envisage. So
uncommon in a man of muscular build. Such strength, always such strength and
such irrepressible optimism.
The
fact was, he did not know his own mind about the entire enterprise, only that
he was amused and fascinated. Of course there was no thought of vengeance
against Lestat for telling his secrets. And surely Lestat had counted upon
that, but then one never knew. Maybe Lestat truly did not care. He knew no more
than the fools back there in the bar, on that score.
What
mattered to him was that for the first time in so many years, he found himself
thinking in terms of past and future; he found himself most keenly aware of the
nature of this era. Those Who Must Be Kept were fiction even to their own
children! Long gone were the days when fierce rogue blood drinkers searched for
their shrine and their powerful blood. Nobody believed or even cared any
longer!
And
there lay the essence of the age; for its mortals were of an even more
practical ilk, rejecting at every turn the miraculous. With unprecedented
courage, they had founded their greatest ethical advances squarely upon the
truths embedded in the physical.
Two
hundred years since he and Lestat had discussed these very things on an island
in the Mediterranean-the dream of a godless and truly moral world where love of
one's fellow man would be the only dogma. A world in which we do not belong.
And now such a world was almost realized. And the Vampire Lestat had passed
into popular art where all the old devils ought to go, and would take with him
the whole accused tribe, including Those Who Must Be Kept, though they might
never know it.
It made
him smile, the symmetry of it. He found himself not merely in awe but strongly
seduced by the whole idea of what Lestat had done. He could well understand the
lure of fame.
Why, it
had thrilled him shamelessly to see his own name scrawled on the wall of the
bar. He had laughed; but he had enjoyed the laughter thoroughly.
Leave
it to Lestat to construct such an inspiring drama, and that's what it was, all
right. Lestat, the boisterous boulevard actor of the ancient régime, now risen
to stardom in this beauteous and innocent era.
But had
he been right in his little summation to the fledgling in the bar, that no one
could destroy the brat prince? That was sheer romance. Good advertising. The
fact is, any of us can be destroyed... one way or another. Even Those Who Must
Be Kept, surely.
They
were weak, of course, those fledgling "Children of Darkness," as they
styled themselves. The numbers did not increase their strength significantly.
But what of the older ones? If only Lestat had not used the names of Mael and
Pandora. But were there not blood drinkers older even than that, ones of whom
he himself knew nothing? He thought of that warning on the wall; "ancient
and terrible beings... moving slowly and inexorably to answer his
summons."
A
frisson startled him; coldness, yet for an instant he thought he saw a jungle-a
green, fetid place, full of unwholesome and smothering warmth. Gone, without
explanation, like so many sudden signals and messages he received. He'd learned
long ago to shut out the endless flow of voices and images that his mental
powers enabled him to hear; yet now and then something violent and unexpected,
like a sharp cry, came through.
Whatever,
he had been in this city long enough. He did not know that he meant to
intervene, no matter what happened! He was angry with his own sudden warmth of
feeling. He wanted to be home now. He had been away from Those Who Must Be Kept
for too long.
But how
he loved to watch the energetic human crowd, the clumsy parade of shining
traffic. Even the poison smells of the city he did not mind. They were no worse
than the stench of ancient Rome, or Antioch, or Athens-when piles of human
waste fed the flies wherever you looked, and the air reeked of inevitable
disease and hunger. No, he liked the clean pastel-colored cities of California
well enough. He could have lingered forever among their clear-eyed and
purposeful inhabitants.
But he
must go home. The concert was not for many nights, and he would see Lestat
then, if he chose... How delicious not to know precisely what he might do, any
more than others knew, others who didn't even believe in him!
He
crossed Castro Street and went swiftly up the wide pavement of Market. The wind
had slackened; the air was almost warm. He took up a brisk pace, even whistling
to himself the way that Louis often did. He felt good. Human. Then he stopped
before the store that sold television sets and radios. Lestat was singing on
each and every screen, both large and small.
He
laughed under his breath at the great concert of gesture and movement. The
sound was off, buried in tiny glowing seeds within the equipment. He'd have to
search to receive it. But wasn't there a charm in merely watching the antics of
the yellow-haired brat' prince in merciless silence?
The
camera drew back to render the full figure of Lestat who played a violin as if
in a void. A starry darkness now and then enclosed him. Then quite suddenly a
pair of doors were opened- it was the old shrine of Those Who Must Be Kept,
quite exactly! And there-Akasha and Enkil, or rather actors made up to play the
part, white-skinned Egyptians with long black silken hair and glittering
jewelry.
Of
course. Why hadn't he guessed that Lestat would carry it to this vulgar and
tantalizing extreme? He leant forward, listening for the transmission of the
sound. He heard the voice of Lestat above the violin:
Akasha! Enkil! Keep your secrets Keep your silence It is a better gift than truth.
And now
as the violin player closed his eyes and bore down on his music, Akasha slowly
rose from the throne. The violin fell from Lestat's hands as he saw her; like a
dancer, she wrapped her arms around him, drew him to her, bent to take the
blood from him, while pressing his teeth to her own throat.
It was
rather better than he had ever imagined-such clever craft. Now the figure of
Enkil awakened, rising and walking like a mechanical doll. Forward he came to
take back his Queen. Lestat was thrown down on the floor of the shrine. And
there the film ended. The rescue by Marius was not part of it.
"Ah,
so I do not become a television celebrity," he whispered with a faint
smile. He went to the entrance of the darkened store.
The
young woman was waiting to let him in. She had the black plastic videocassette
in her hand.
"All
twelve of them," she said. Fine dark skin and large drowsy brown eyes. The
band of silver around her wrist caught the light. He found it enticing. She
took the money gratefully, without counting it. "They've been playing them
on a dozen channels. I caught them all over, actually. Finished it yesterday
afternoon."
"You've
served me well," he answered. "I thank you." He produced another
thick fold of bills.
"No
big thing," she said. She didn't want to take the extra money.
You
will.
She
took it with a shrug and put it in her pocket.
No big
thing. He loved these eloquent modern expressions. He loved the sudden shift of
her luscious breasts as she'd shrugged, and the lithe twist of her hips beneath
the coarse denim clothes that made her seem all the more smooth and fragile. An
incandescent flower. As she opened the door for him, he touched the soft nest
of her brown hair. Quite unthinkable to feed upon one who has served you; one
so innocent. He would not do this! Yet he turned her around, his gloved fingers
slipping up through her hair to cradle her head:
"The
smallest kiss, my precious one."
Her
eyes closed; his teeth pierced the artery instantly and his tongue lapped at
the blood. Only a taste. A tiny flash of heat that burnt itself out in his
heart within a second. Then he drew back, his lips resting against her frail
throat. He could feel her pulse. The craving for the full draught was almost
more than he could bear. Sin and atonement. He let her go. He smoothed her
soft, springy curls, as he looked into her misted eyes.
Do
not remember.
"Good-bye
now," she said, smiling.
He
stood motionless on the deserted sidewalk. And the thirst, ignored and sullen,
gradually died back. He looked at the cardboard sheath of the videocassette.
"A
dozen channels," she had said. "I caught them all over,
actually." Now if that was so, his charges had already seen Lestat,
inevitably, on the large screen positioned before them in the shrine. Long ago,
he'd set the satellite dish on the slope above the roof to bring them
broadcasts from all the world. A tiny computer device changed the channel each
hour. For years, they'd stared expressionless as the images and colors shifted
before their lifeless eyes. Had there been the slightest flicker when they
heard Lestat's voice, or saw their very own image? Or heard their own names
sung as if in a hymn?
Well,
he would soon find out. He would play the videocassette for them. He would
study their frozen, gleaming faces for something-anything-besides the mere
reflection of the light.
"Ah,
Marius, you never despair, do you? You are no better than Lestat, with your
foolish dreams."
It was
midnight before he reached home.
He shut
the steel door against the driving snow, and, standing still for a moment, let
the heated air surround him. The blizzard through which he'd passed had
lacerated his face and his ears, even his gloved fingers. The warmth felt so
good.
In the
quiet, he listened for the familiar sound of the giant generators, and the
faint electronic pulse of the television set within the shrine many hundreds of
feet beneath him. Could that be Lestat singing? Yes. Undoubtedly, the last
mournful words of some other song.
Slowly
he peeled off his gloves. He removed his hat and ran his hand through his hair.
He studied the large entrance hall and the adjacent drawing room for the
slightest evidence that anyone else had been here.
Of
course that was almost an impossibility. He was miles from the nearest outpost of
the modern world, in a great frozen snow-covered waste. But out of force of
habit, he always observed everything closely. There were some who could breach
this fortress, if only they knew where it was.
All was
well. He stood before the giant aquarium, the great room-sized tank which
abutted the south wall. So carefully he had constructed this thing, of the
heaviest glass and the finest equipment. He watched the schools of multicolored
fishes dance past him, then alter their direction instantly and totally in the
artificial gloom. The giant sea kelp swayed from one side to another, a forest
caught in a hypnotic rhythm as the gentle pressure of the aerator drove it this
way and that. It never failed to captivate him, to lock him suddenly to its
spectacular monotony. The round black eyes of the fish sent a tremor through
him; the high slender trees of kelp with their tapering yellow leaves thrilled
him vaguely; but it was the movement, the constant movement that was the crux.
Finally
he turned away from it, glancing back once into that pure, unconscious, and
incidentally beautiful world.
Yes,
all was well here.
Good to
be in these warm rooms. Nothing amiss with the soft leather furnishings
scattered about the thick wine-colored carpet. Fireplace piled with wood. Books
lining the walls. And there the great bank of electronic equipment waiting for
him to insert Lestat's tape. That's what he wanted to do, settle by the fire
and watch each rock film in sequence. The craft intrigued him as well as the
songs themselves, the chemistry of old and new-how Lestat had used the
distortions of media to disguise himself so perfectly as another mortal rock
singer trying to appear a god.
He took
off his long gray cloak and threw it on the chair. Why did the whole thing give
him such an unexpected pleasure! Do we all long to blaspheme, to shake our
fists in the faces of the gods? Perhaps so. Centuries ago, in what is now
called "ancient Rome," he, the well-mannered boy, had always laughed
at the antics of bad children.
He should
go to the shrine before he did anything else, he knew that. Just for a few
moments, to make certain things were as they should be. To check the
television, the heat, and all the complex electrical systems. To place fresh
coals and incense in the brazier. It was so easy to maintain a paradise for
them now, with the livid lights that gave the nutrients of the sun to trees and
flowers that had never seen the natural lights of heaven. But the incense, that
must be done by hand, as always. And never did he sprinkle it over the coals
that he did not think of the first time he'd ever done it.
Time to
take a soft cloth, too, and carefully, respectfully, wipe the dust from the
parents-from their hard unyielding bodies, even- from their lips and their
eyes, their cold unblinking eyes. And to think, it had been a full month. It
seemed shameful.
Have
you missed me, my beloved Akasha and Enkil? Ah, the old game.
His
reason told him, as it always had, that they did not know or care whether he
came or went. But his pride always teased with another possibility. Does not
the crazed lunatic locked in the madhouse cell feel something for the slave who
brings it water? Perhaps it wasn't an apt comparison. Certainly not one that
was kind.
Yes,
they had moved for Lestat, the brat prince, that was true-Akasha to offer the
powerful blood and Enkil to take vengeance. And Lestat could make his video
films about it forever. But had it not merely proved once and for all that
there was no mind left in either of them? Surely no more than an atavistic
spark had flared for an instant; it had been too simple to drive them back to
silence and stillness on their barren throne.
Nevertheless,
it had embittered him. After all, it had never been his goal to transcend the
emotions of a thinking man, but rather to refine them, reinvent them, enjoy
them with an infinitely perfectible understanding. And he had been tempted at
the very moment to turn on Lestat with an all-too-human fury.
Young
one, why don't you take Those Who Must Be Kept since they have shown you such
remarkable favor? I should like to be rid of them now. I have only had this
burden since the dawn of the Christian era.
But in
truth that wasn't his finer feeling. Not then, not now. Only a temporary
indulgence. Lestat he loved as he always had. Every realm needs a brat prince.
And the silence of the King and Queen was as much a blessing as a curse,
perhaps. Lestat's song had been quite right on that point. But who would ever
settle the question?
Oh, he
would go down later with the videocassette and watch for himself, of course.
And if there were just the faintest flicker, the faintest shift in their
eternal gaze.
But
there you go again... Lestat makes you young and stupid. Likely to feed on
innocence and dream of cataclysm.
How
many times over the ages had such hopes risen, only to leave him wounded, even
heartbroken. Years ago, he had brought them color films of the rising sun, the
blue sky, the pyramids of Egypt. Ah, such a miracle! Before their very eyes the
sun drenched waters of the Nile flowed. He himself had wept at the perfection
of illusion. He had even feared the cinematic sun might hurt him, though of
course he knew that it could not. But such had been the caliber of the
invention. That he could stand there, watching the sunrise, as he had not seen
it since he was a mortal man.
But
Those Who Must Be Kept had gazed on in unbroken indifference, or was it
wonder-great undifferentiated wonder that held the particles of dust in the air
to be a source of endless fascination?
Who
will ever know? They had lived four thousand years before he was ever born.
Perhaps the voices of the world roared in their brains, so keen was their
telepathic hearing; perhaps a billion shifting images blinded them to all else.
Surely such things had almost driven him out of his mind until he'd learned to
control them.
It had
even occurred to him that he would bring modern medical tools to bear on the
matter, that he would hook electrodes to their very heads to test the patterns
of their brains! But it had been too distasteful, the idea of such callous and
ugly instruments. After all, they were his King and his Queen, the Father and
Mother of us all. Under his roof, they had reigned without challenge for two
millennia.
One
fault he must admit. He had an acid tongue of late in speaking to them. He was
no longer the High Priest when he entered the chamber. No. There was something
flippant and sarcastic in his tone, and that should be beneath him. Maybe it
was what they called "the modern temper." How could one live in a
world of rockets to the moon without an intolerable self-consciousness
threatening every trivial syllable? And he had never been oblivious to the
century at hand.
Whatever
the case, he had to go to the shrine now. And he would purify his thoughts
properly. He would not come with resentment or despair. Later, after he had
seen the videos, he would play the tape for them. He would remain there,
watching. But he did not have the stamina for it now.
He
entered the steel elevator and pressed the button. The great electronic whine
and the sudden loss of gravity gave him a faint sensuous pleasure. The world of
this day and age was full of so many sounds that had never been heard before.
It was quite refreshing. And then there was the lovely ease of plummeting
hundreds of feet in a shaft through solid ice to reach the electrically lighted
chambers below.
He
opened the door and stepped into the carpeted corridor. It was Lestat again
singing within the shrine, a rapid, more joyful song, his voice battling a
thunder of drums and the twisted undulating electronic moans.
But
something was not quite right here. Merely looking at the long corridor he
sensed it. The sound was too loud, too clear. The antechambers leading to the
shrine were open!
He went
to the entrance immediately. The electric doors had been unlocked and thrown
back. How could this be? Only he knew the code for the tiny series of computer
buttons. The second pair of doors had been opened wide as well and so had the
third. In fact he could see into the shrine itself, his view blocked by the
white marble wall of the small alcove. The red and blue flicker of the
television screen beyond was like the light of an old gas fireplace.
And
Lestat's voice echoed powerfully over the marble walls, the vaulted ceilings.
Kill us, my brothers and sisters. The war is on. Understand what you see, When you see me.
He took
a slow easy breath. No sound other than the music, which was fading now to be replaced
by characterless mortal chatter. And no outsider here. No, he would have known.
No one in his lair. His instincts told him that for certain.
There
was a stab of pain in his chest. He even felt a warmth in his face. How
remarkable.
He
walked through the marble antechambers and stopped at the door of the alcove.
Was he praying? Was he dreaming? He knew what he would soon see-Those Who Must
be Kept-just as they had always been. And some dismal explanation for the
doors, a shorted circuit or a broken fuse, would soon present itself.
Yet he
felt not fear suddenly but the raw anticipation of a young mystic on the verge
of a vision, that at last he would see the living Lord, or in his own hands the
bloody stigmata.
Calmly,
he stepped into the shrine.
For a
moment it did not register. He saw what he expected to see, the long room
filled with trees and flowers, and the stone bench that was the throne, and
beyond it the large television screen pulsing with eyes and mouths and
unimportant laughter. Then he acknowledged the fact: there was only one figure
seated on the throne; and this figure was almost completely transparent! The
violent colors of the distant television screen were passing right through it!
No, but
this is quite out of the question! Marius, look carefully. Even your senses
are not infallible. Like a flustered mortal he put his hands to his head as
if to block out all distraction.
He was
gazing at the back of Enkil, who, save for his black hair, had become some sort
of milky glass statue through which the colors and the lights moved with faint
distortion. Suddenly an uneven burst of light caused the figure to radiate, to
become a source of faint glancing beams.
He
shook his head. Not possible. Then he gave himself a little shake all over.
"All right, Marius," he whispered. "Proceed slowly."
But a
dozen unformed suspicions were sizzling in his mind. Someone had come, someone
older and more powerful than he, someone who had discovered Those Who Must Be
Kept, and done something unspeakable! And all this was Lestat's doing! Lestat,
who had told the world his secret.
His
knees were weak. Imagine! He had not felt such mortal debilities in so long
that he had utterly forgotten them. Slowly he removed a linen handkerchief from
his pocket. He wiped at the thin layer of blood sweat that covered his
forehead. Then he moved towards the throne, and went round it, until he stood
staring directly at the figure of the King.
Enkil
as he had been for two thousand years, the black hair in long tiny plaits, hanging
to his shoulders. The broad gold collar lying against his smooth, hairless
chest, the linen of his kilt immaculate with its pressed pleats, the rings
still on his motionless fingers.
But the
body itself was glass! And it was utterly hollow! Even the huge shining orbs of
the eyes were transparent, only shadowy circles defining the irises. No, wait.
Observe everything. And there, you can see the bones, turned to the very same
substance as the flesh, they are there, and also the fine crazing of veins and
arteries, and something like lungs inside, but it is all transparent now, it is
all of the same texture. But what had been done to him!
And the
thing was changing still. Before his very eyes, it was losing its milky cast.
It was drying up, becoming ever more transparent.
Tentatively,
he touched it. Not glass at all. A husk.
But his
careless gesture had upset the thing. The body teetered, then fell over onto
the marble tile, its eyes locked open, its limbs rigid in their former position.
It made a sound like the scraping of an insect as it settled.
Only
the hair moved. The soft black hair. But it too was changed. It was breaking
into fragments. It was breaking into tiny shimmering splinters. A cool
ventilating current was scattering it like straw. And as the hair fell away
from the throat, he saw two dark puncture wounds in it. Wounds that had not
healed as they might have done because all the healing blood had been drawn out
of the thing.
"Who
has done this?" He whispered aloud, tightening the fingers of his right
fist as if this would keep him from crying out. Who could have taken every last
drop of life from him?
And the
thing was dead. There wasn't the slightest doubt of it. And what was revealed
by this awful spectacle?
Our
King is destroyed, our Father. And I still live; I breathe. And this can only
mean that she contains the primal power. She was the first, and it has
always resided in her. And someone has taken her!
Search
the cellar. Search the house. But these were frantic, foolish thoughts. No one
had entered here, and he knew it. Only one creature could have done this deed!
Only one creature would have known that such a thing was finally possible.
He
didn't move. He stared at the figure lying on the floor, watching it lose the
very last trace of opacity. And would that he could weep for the thing, for
surely someone should. Gone now with all that it had ever known, all that it
had ever witnessed. This too coming to an end. It seemed beyond his ability to
accept it.
But he
wasn't alone. Someone or something had just come out of the alcove, and he
could feel it watching him.
For one
moment-one clearly irrational moment-he kept his eyes on the fallen King. He
tried to comprehend as calmly as he could everything that was occurring around
him. The thing was moving towards him now, without a sound; it was becoming a
graceful shadow in the corner of his eye, as it came around the throne and
stood beside him.
He knew
who it was, who it had to be, and that it had approached with the natural poise
of a living being. Yet, as he looked up, nothing could prepare him for the
moment.
Akasha,
standing only three inches away from him. Her skin was white and hard and
opaque as it had always been. Her cheek shone like pearl as she smiled, her
dark eyes moist and enlivened as the flesh puckered ever so slightly around
them. They positively glistered with vitality.
Speechless,
he stared. He watched as she lifted her jeweled fingers to touch his shoulder.
He closed his eyes, then opened them. Over thousands of years he had spoken to
her in so many tongues-prayers, pleas, complaints, confessions-and now he said
not a word. He merely looked at her mobile lips, at the flash of white fang
teeth, and the cold glint of recognition in her eyes, and the soft yielding
cleft of the bosom moving beneath the gold necklace.
"You've
served me well," she said. "I thank you." Her voice was low,
husky, beautiful. But the intonation, the words; it was what he'd said hours
ago to the girl in the darkened store in the city!
The
fingers tightened on his shoulder.
"Ah,
Marius," she said, imitating his tone perfectly again, "you never
despair, do you? You are no better than Lestat, with your foolish dreams."
His own
words again, spoken to himself on a San Francisco street. She mocked him!
Was
this terror? Or was it hatred that he felt-hatred that had lain waiting in him
for centuries, mixed with resentment and weariness, and grief for his human
heart, hatred that now boiled to a heat he could never have imagined. He didn't
dare move, dare speak. The hate was fresh and astonishing and it had taken full
possession of him and he could do nothing to control it or understand it. All
judgment had left him.
But she
knew. Of course. She knew everything, every thought, word, deed, that's what
she was telling him. She had always known, everything and anything that she
chose to know! And she'd known that the mindless thing beside her was past
defending itself. And this, which should have been a triumphant moment, was
somehow a moment of horror!
She
laughed softly as she looked at him. He could not bear the sound of it. He
wanted to hurt her. He wanted to destroy her, all her monstrous children be
damned! Let us all perish with her! If he could have done it, he would have
destroyed her!
It
seemed she nodded, that she was telling him she understood. The monstrous
insult of it. Well, he did not understand. And in another moment, he would be
weeping like a child. Some ghastly error had been made, some terrible
miscarriage of purpose.
"My
dear servant," she said, her lips lengthening in a faint bitter smile.
"You have never had the power to stop me."
"What
do you want! What do you mean to do!"
"You
must forgive me," she said, oh, so politely, just as he had said the very
words to the young one in the back room of the bar. "I'm going now."
He
heard the sound before the floor moved, the shriek of tearing metal. He was
falling, and the television screen had blown apart, the glass piercing his
flesh like so many tiny daggers. He cried out, like a mortal man, and this time
it was fear. The ice was cracking, roaring, as it came down upon him.
"Akasha!"
He was
dropping into a giant crevasse, he was plunging into scalding coldness.
"Akasha!"
he cried again.
But she
was gone, and he was still falling. Then the broken tumbling ice caught him,
surrounded him, and buried him, as it crushed the bones of his arms, his legs,
his face. He felt his blood pouring out against the searing surface, then
freezing. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. And the pain was so intense
that he couldn't bear it. He saw the jungle again, inexplicably for an instant,
as he had seen it earlier. The hot fetid jungle, and something moving through
it. Then it was gone. And when he cried out this time, it was to Lestat:
Danger, Lestat, beware. We are all in danger.
Then
there was only the cold and the pain, and he was losing consciousness. A dream coming,
a lovely dream of warm sun shining on a grassy clearing. Yes, the blessed sun.
The dream had him now. And the women, how lovely their red hair. But what was
it, the thing that was lying there, beneath the wilted leaves, on the altar?
Tempting to place in coherent collage the bee, the mountain range, the shadow of my hoof- tempting to join them, enlaced by logical vast & shining molecular thought-thread thru all Substance- Tempting to say I see in all I see the place where the needle began in the tapestry-but ah, it all looks whole and part- long live the eyeball and the lucid heart.
-STAN
RICE from "Four Days in Another City" Some Lamb (1975)
Tell it in rhythmic continuity. Detail by detail the living creatures. Tell it as must, the rhythm solid in the shape. Woman. Arms lifted. Shadow eater. STAN RICE from "Elegy" Whiteboy (1976)
"Call
her for me," he said. "Tell her I have had the strangest dreams, that
they were about the twins. You must call her!" His daughter didn't want to
do it. She watched him fumble with the book. His hands were his enemies now, he
often said. At ninety-one, he could scarcely hold a pencil or turn a page.
"Daddy," she said, "that woman's probably dead." Everybody
he had known was dead. He'd outlived his colleagues; he'd outlived his brothers
and sisters, and even two of his children. In a tragic way, he had outlived the
twins, because no one read his book now. No one cared about "the legend of
the twins."
"No,
you call her," he said. "You must call her. You tell her that I
dreamed of the twins. I saw them in the dream."
"Why
would she want to know that, Daddy?"
His
daughter took the little address book and paged through it slowly. Dead all
these people, long dead. The men who had worked with her father on so many
expeditions, the editors and photographers who had worked with him on his book.
Even his enemies who had said his life was wasted, that his research had come
to nothing; even the most scurrilous, who had accused him of doctoring pictures
and lying about the caves, which her father had never done.
Why
should she be still alive, the woman who had financed his long-ago expeditions,
the rich woman who had sent so much money for so many years?
"You
must ask her to come! Tell her it's very important. I must describe to her what
I've seen."
To
come? All the way to Rio de Janeiro because an old man had had strange dreams?
His daughter found the page, and yes, there was the name and the number. And
the date beside it, only two years old.
"She
lives in Bangkok, Daddy." What time was it in Bangkok? She had no idea.
"She'll
come to me. I know she will."
He
closed his eyes and settled back onto the pillow. He was small now, shrunken.
But when he opened his eyes, there was her father looking at her, in spite of
the shriveling yellowed skin, the dark spots on the backs of his wrinkled
hands, the baldhead.
He
appeared to be listening to the music now, the soft singing of the Vampire
Lestat, coming from her room. She would turn it down if it kept him awake. She
wasn't much for American rock singers, but this one she'd rather liked.
"Tell
her I must speak to her!" he said suddenly, as though coming back to
himself.
"All
right, Daddy, if you want me to." She turned off the lamp by the bed.
"You go back to sleep."
"Don't
give up till you find her. Tell her... the twins! I've seen the twins."
But as she
was leaving, he called her back again with one of those sudden moans that
always frightened her. In the light from the hall, she could see he was
pointing to the books on the far wall.
"Get
it for me," he said. He was struggling to sit up again.
"The
book, Daddy?"
"The
twins, the pictures..."
She
took down the old volume and brought it to him and put it in his lap. She
propped the pillows up higher for him and turned on the lamp again.
It hurt
her to feel how light he was as she lifted him; it hurt her to see him struggle
to put on his silver-rimmed glasses. He took the pencil in hand, to read with
it, ready to write, as he had always done, but then he let it fall and she
caught it and put it back on the table.
"You
go call her!" he said.
She
nodded. But she stayed there, just in case he needed her. The music from her
study was louder now, one of the more metallic and raucous songs. But he didn't
seem to notice. Very gently she opened the book for him, and turned to the
first pair of color pictures, one filling the left page, the other the right.
How
well she knew these pictures, how well she remembered as a little girl making
the long climb with him to the cave on Mount Carmel, where he had led her into
the dry dusty darkness, his flashlight lifted to reveal the painted carvings on
the wall.
"There,
the two figures, you see them, the red-haired women?"
It had
been difficult at first to make out the crude stick figures in the dim beam of
the flashlight. So much easier later to study what the close-up camera so
beautifully revealed.
But she
would never forget that first day, when he had shown her each small drawing in
sequence: the twins dancing in rain that fell in tiny dashes from a scribble of
cloud; the twins kneeling on either side of the altar upon which a body lay as
if in sleep or death; the twins taken prisoner and standing before a tribunal
of scowling figures; the twins running away. And then the damaged pictures of
which nothing could be recovered; and finally the one twin alone weeping, her
tears falling in tiny dashes, like the rain, from eyes that were tiny black
dashes too.
They'd
been carved in the rock, with pigments added-orange for the hair, white chalk
for the garments, green for the plants that grew around them, and even blue for
the sky over their heads. Six thousand years had passed since they had been
created in the deep darkness of the cave.
And no
less old were the near identical carvings, in a shallow rock chamber high on the
slope of Huayna Picchu, on the other side of the world.
She had
made that journey also with her father, a year later, across the Urubamba River
and up through the jungles of Peru. She'd seen for herself the same two women
in a style remarkably similar though not the same.
There
again on the smooth wall were the same scenes of the rain falling, of the
red-haired twins in their joyful dance. And then the somber altar scene in
loving detail. It was the body of a woman lying on the altar, and in their hands
the twins held two tiny, carefully drawn plates. Soldiers bore down upon the
ceremony with swords uplifted. The twins were taken into bondage, weeping. And
then came the hostile tribunal and the familiar escape. In another picture,
faint but still discernible, the twins held an infant between them, a small
bundle with dots for eyes and the barest bit of red hair; then to others they
entrusted their treasure as once more the menacing soldiers appeared.
And
lastly, the one twin, amid the full leafy trees of the jungle, her arms out as
if reaching for her sister, the red pigment of her hair stuck to the stone wall
with dried blood.
How
well she could recall her excitement. She had shared her father's ecstasy, that
he had found the twins a world apart from each other, in these ancient
pictures, buried in the mountain caves of Palestine and Peru.
It
seemed the greatest event in history; nothing could have been so important.
Then a year later a vase had been discovered in a Berlin museum that bore the
very same figures, kneeling, plates in hand before the stone bier. A crude
thing it was, without documentation. But what did that matter? It had been
dated 4000 B.C. by the most reliable methods, and there unmistakably, in the
newly translated language of ancient Sumer, were the words that meant so much
to all of them:
"The
Legend of the Twins"
Yes, so
terribly significant, it had all seemed. The foundation of a life's work, until
he presented his research.
They'd
laughed at him. Or ignored him. Not believable, such a link between the Old
World and the New. Six thousand years old, indeed! They'd relegated him to the
"crazy camp" along with those who talked of ancient astronauts,
Atlantis, and the lost kingdom of Mu.
How
he'd argued, lectured, begged them to believe, to journey with him to the
caves, to see for themselves! How he'd laid out the specimens of pigment, the
lab reports, the detailed studies of the plants in the carvings and even the
white robes of the twins.
Another
man might have given it up. Every university and foundation had turned him
away. He had no money even to care for his children. He took a teaching
position for bread and butter, and, in the evenings, wrote letters to museums
all over the world. And a clay tablet, covered with drawings, was found in
Manchester, and another in London, both clearly depicting the twins! On
borrowed money he journeyed to photograph these artifacts. He wrote papers on
them for obscure publications. He continued his search.
Then
she had come, the quiet-spoken and eccentric woman who had listened to him,
looked at his materials, and then given him an ancient papyrus, found early in
this century in a cave in Upper Egypt, which contained some of the very same
pictures, and the words "The Legend of the Twins."
"A
gift for you," she'd said. And then she'd bought the vase for him from the
museum in Berlin. She obtained the tablets from England as well.
But it
was the Peruvian discovery that fascinated her most of all. She gave him
unlimited sums of money to go back to South America and continue his work.
For
years he'd searched cave after cave for more evidence, spoken to villagers
about their oldest myths and stories, examined ruined cities, temples, even old
Christian churches for stones taken from pagan shrines.
But
decades passed and he found nothing.
It had
been the ruin of him finally. Even she, his patron, had told him to give it up.
She did not want to see his life spent on this. He should leave it now to
younger men. But he would not listen. This was his discovery! The Legend of the
Twins! And so she wrote the checks for him, and he went on until he was too old
to climb the mountains and hack his way through the jungle anymore.
In the
last years, he lectured only now and then. He could not interest the new students
in this mystery, even when he showed the papyrus, the vase, the tablets. After
all, these items did not fit anywhere really, they were of no definable period.
And the caves, could anyone have found them now?
But she
had been loyal, his patron. She'd bought him this house in Rio, created a trust
for him which would come to his daughter when he died. Her money had paid for
his daughter's education, for so many other things. Strange that they lived in
such comfort. It was as if he had been successful after all.
"Call
her," he said again. He was becoming agitated, empty hands scraping at the
photographs. After all, his daughter had not moved. She stood at his shoulder
looking down at the pictures, at the figures of the twins.
"All
right, Father." She left him with his book.
It was
late afternoon the next day when his daughter came in to kiss him. The nurse
said that he'd been crying like a child. He opened his eyes as his daughter
squeezed his hand.
"I
know now what they did to them," he said. "I've seen it! It was
sacrilege what they did."
His
daughter tried to quiet him. She told him that she had called the woman. The
woman was on her way.
"She
wasn't in Bangkok, Daddy. She's moved to Burma, to Rangoon. But I reached her
there, and she was so glad to hear from you. She said she'd leave within a few
hours. She wants to know about the dreams."
He was
so happy. She was coming. He closed his eyes and turned his head into the
pillow. "The dreams will start again, after dark," he whispered.
"The whole tragedy will start again."
"Daddy,
rest," she said. "Until she comes."
Sometime
during the night he died. When his daughter came in, he was already cold. The
nurse was waiting for her instructions. He had the dull, half-lidded stare of
dead people. His pencil was lying on the coverlet, and there was a piece of
paper-the flyleaf of his precious book-crumpled under his right hand.
She
didn't cry. For a moment she didn't do anything. She remembered the cave in
Palestine, the lantern. "Do you see? The two women?"
Gently,
she closed his eyes, and kissed his forehead. He'd written something on the
piece of paper. She lifted his cold, stiff fingers and removed the paper and
read the few words he'd scrawled in his uneven spidery hand:
"IN
THE JUNGLES-WALKING."
What
could it mean?
And it
was too late to reach the woman now. She would probably arrive sometime that
evening. All that long way...
Well,
she would give her the paper, if it mattered, and tell her the things he'd said
about the twins.
The Murder Burger is served right here. You need not wait at the gate of Heaven for unleavened death. You can be a goner on this very corner. Mayonnaise, onions, dominance of flesh. If you wish to eat it you must feed it. "Yall come back." "You bet." STAN RICE from "Texas Suite" Some Lamb (1975)
Baby
Jenks pushed her Harley to seventy miles an hour, the wind freezing her naked
white hands. She'd been fourteen last summer when they'd done it to her, made
her one of the Dead, and "dead weight" she was eighty-five pounds
max. She hadn't combed out her hair since it happened-didn't have to-and her
two little blond braids were swept back by the wind, off the shoulders of her
black leather jacket. Bent forward, scowling with her little pouting mouth
turned down, she looked mean, and deceptively cute. Her big blue eyes were
vacant.
The
rock music of The Vampire Lestat was blaring through her earphones, so
she felt nothing but the vibration of the giant motorcycle under her, and the
mad lonesomeness she had known all the way from Gun Barrel City five nights
ago. And there was a dream that was bothering her, a dream she kept having
every night right before she opened her eyes.
She'd see
these red-headed twins in the dream, these two pretty ladies, and then all these
terrible things would go down. No, she didn't like it one damn bit and she was
so lonely she was going out of her head.
The
Fang Gang hadn't met her south of Dallas as they had promised. She had waited
two nights by the graveyard, then she had known that something was really,
really wrong. They would never have headed out to California without her. They
were going to see the Vampire Lestat on stage in San Francisco, but they'd had
plenty of time. No, something was wrong. She knew it.
Even
when she had been alive, Baby Jenks could feel things like that. And now that
she was Dead it was ten times what it had been then. She knew the Fang Gang was
in deep trouble. Killer and Davis would never have dumped her. Killer said he
loved her. Why the hell else would he have ever made her, if he didn't love
her? She would have died in Detroit if it hadn't been for Killer.
She'd
been bleeding to death, the doctor had done it to her all right, the baby was
gone and all, but she was going to die too, he'd cut something in there, and
she was so high on heroin she didn't give a damn. And then that funny thing
happened. Floating up to the ceiling and looking down at her body! And it
wasn't the drugs either. Seemed to her like a whole lot of other things were
about to happen.
But
down there, Killer had come into the room and from up where she was floating
she could see that he was a Dead guy. Course she didn't know what he called
himself then. She just knew he wasn't alive. Otherwise he just looked kind of
ordinary. Black jeans, black hair, real deep black eyes. He had "Fang
Gang" written on the back of his leather jacket. He'd sat down on the bed
by her body and bent over it.
"Ain't
you cute, little girl!" he'd said. Same damn thing the pimp had said to
her when he made her braid her hair and put plastic barrettes in it before she
went out on the street.
Then
whoom! She was back in her body all right, and she was just full of something
warmer and better than horse and she heard him say: "You're not going to
die, Baby Jenks, not ever!" She had her teeth in his goddamn neck, and
boy, was that heaven!
But the
never dying part? She wasn't so sure now.
Before
she'd lit out of Dallas, giving up on the Fang Gang for good, she'd seen the
coven house on Swiss Avenue burnt to timbers. All the glass blown out of the
windows. It had been the same in Oklahoma City. What the hell had happened to
all those Dead guys in those houses? And they were the big city bloodsuckers,
too, the smart ones that called themselves vampires.
How
she'd laughed when Killer and Davis had told her that, that those Dead guys
went around in three-piece suits and listened to classical music and called
themselves vampires. Baby Jenks could have laughed herself to death. Davis
thought it was pretty funny too, but Killer just kept warning her about them.
Stay away from them.
Killer
and Davis, and Tim and Russ, had taken her by the Swiss Avenue coven house just
before she left them to go to Gun Barrel City.
"You
got to always know where it is," Davis had said. "Then stay away from
it."
They'd
showed her the coven houses in every big city they hit. But it was when they
showed her the first one in St. Louis that they'd told her the whole story.
She'd
been real happy with the Fang Gang since they left Detroit, feeding off the men
they lured out of the roadside beer joints. Tim and Russ were OK guys, but
Killer and Davis were her special friends and they were the leaders of the Fang
Gang.
Now and
then they'd gone into town and found some little shack of a place, all
deserted, with maybe two bums in there or something, men who looked kinda like
her dad, wearing bill caps and with real calloused hands from the work they
did. And they'd have a feast in there on those guys. You could always live off
that kind, Killer told her, because nobody gives a damn what happens to them.
They'd strike fast, kachoom!-drinking the blood quick, draining them right down
to the last heartbeat. It wasn't fun to torture people like that, Killer said.
You had to feel sorry for them. You did what you did, then you burnt down the
shack, or you took them outside and dug a hole real deep and stuck them down
there. And if you couldn't do anything like that to cover it up, you did this
little trick: cut your finger, let your Dead blood run over the bite where
you'd sucked them dry, and look at that, the little puncture wounds just like
to vanished. Flash! Nobody'd ever figure it out; it looked like stroke or heart
attack.
Baby
Jenks had been having a ball. She could handle a full-sized Harley, carry a
dead body with one arm, leap over the hood of a car, it was fantastic. And she
hadn't had the damn dream then, the dream that had started up in Gun Barrel City-with
those red-headed twins and that woman's body lying on an altar. What were they doing?
What
would she do now if she couldn't find the Fang Gang? Out in California the
Vampire Lestat was going on stage two ' nights from now. And every Dead guy in
creation would be there, leastways that's how she figured it, and that's how
the Fang Gang had figured it and they were all supposed to be together. So what
the hell was she doing lost from the Fang Gang and headed for a jerkwater city
like St. Louis?
All she
wanted was for everything to be like it had been before, goddamn it. Oh, the
blood was good, yum, it was so good, even
now that she was alone and had to work up her nerve, the way it had been this evening, to pull into a
gas station and lure the old guy out
back. Oh, yeah, snap, when she'd gotten her hands on his neck, and the blood
came, it had been just fine, it was hamburgers and french fries and strawberry
shakes, it was beer and chocolate sundaes. It was mainline, and coke and hash.
It was better than screwing! It was all of it.
But
everything had been better when the Fang Gang was with her. And they had
understood when she got tired of the chewed-up old guys and said she wanted to
taste something young and tender. No problem. Hey, it was a nice little runaway
kid she needed, Killer said. Just close your eyes and wish. And sure enough,
like that, they found him hitchhiking on the main road, just five miles out of
some town in northern Missouri, name of Parker. Real pretty boy with long
shaggy black hair, just twelve years old, but real tall for his age, with some
beard on his chin, and trying to pass for sixteen. He'd climbed on her bike and
they'd taken him into the woods. Then Baby Jenks laid down with him, real
gentle like, and slurp, that was it for Parker.
It was
delicious all right, juicy was the word. But she didn't know really whether it
was any better than the mean old guys when you got down to it. And with them it
was more sport. Good ole boy blood, Davis called it.
Davis was
a black Dead guy and one damned good-looking black Dead guy, as Baby Jenks saw
it. His skin had a gold glow to it, the Dead glow which in the case of white
Dead guys made them look like they were standing in a fluorescent light all the
time. Davis had beautiful eyelashes too, just damn near unbelievably long and
thick, and he decked himself out in all the gold he could find. He stole the
gold rings and watches and chains and things off the victims.
Davis
loved to dance. They all loved to dance. But Davis could out dance any of them.
They'd go to the graveyards to dance, maybe round three a.m., after they'd all
fed and buried the dead and all that jazz. They'd set the ghetto blaster radio
on a tombstone and turn it way up, with the Vampire Lestat roaring. "The
Grand Sabbat" song, that was the one that was good for dancing. And oh,
man, how good it felt, twisting and turning and leaping in the air, or just
watching Davis move and Killer move and Russ spinning in circles till he fell
down. Now that was real Dead guy dancing.
Now if
those big city bloodsuckers weren't hip to that, they were crazy.
God,
she wished now that she could tell Davis about this dream she'd been having
since Gun Barrel City. How it had come to her in her mom's trailer, zap, the
first time when she'd been sitting waiting. It was so clear for a dream, those
two women with the red hair, and the body lying there with its skin all black
and crackled like. And what the hell was that on the plates in the dream? Yeah,
it had been a heart on one plate and a brain on the other. Christ. All those
people kneeling around that body and those plates. It was creepy. And she'd had
it over and over again since then. Why, she was having it every goddamn time
she shut her eyes and again right before she dug her way out of wherever she'd
been hiding by daylight.
Killer
and Davis would understand. They'd know if it meant something. They wanted to
teach her everything.
When
they first hit St. Louis on their way south, the Fang Gang had headed off the
boulevard into one of those big dark streets with iron gates that they call
"a private place" in St. Louis. It was the Central West End down
here, they said. Baby Jenks had liked those big trees. There just aren't enough
big trees in south Texas. There wasn't much of nothing in south Texas. And here
the trees were so big their branches made a roof over your head. And the
streets were full of noisy rustling leaves and the houses were big, with peaked
roofs and the lights buried deep inside them. The coven house was made of brick
and had what Killer called Moorish arches.
"Don't
go any closer," Davis had said. Killer just laughed. Killer wasn't scared
of the big city Dead. Killer had been made sixty years ago, he was old. He knew
everything.
"But
they will try to hurt you, Baby Jenks," he said, walking his Harley just a
little farther up the street. He had a lean long face, wore a gold earring in
his ear, and his eyes were small, kind of thoughtful. "See, this one's an
old coven, been in St. Louis since the turn of the century."
"But
why would they want to hurt us?" Baby Jenks had asked. She was real
curious about that house. What did the Dead do who lived in houses? What kind
of furniture did they have? Who paid the bills, for God's sakes?
Seems like
she could see a chandelier in one of those front rooms, through the curtains. A
big fancy chandelier. Man! Now that's living.
"Oh,
they got all that down," said Davis, reading her mind. "You don't
think the neighbors think they're real people? Look at that car in the drive,
you know what that is? That's a Bugatti, baby. And the other one beside it, a
Mercedes-Benz."
What
the hell was wrong with a pink Cadillac? That's what she'd like to have, a big
gas-guzzling convertible that she could push to a hundred and twenty on the
open stretch. And that's what had got her into trouble, got her to Detroit, an
asshole with a Cadillac convertible. But just 'cause you were Dead didn't mean
you had to drive a Harley and sleep in the dirt every day, did it?
"We're
free, darlin'," Davis said, reading her thoughts. "Don't you see?
There's a lotta baggage goes with this big city life. Tell her, Killer. And you
ain't getting me in no house like that, sleeping in a box under the
floorboards."
He
broke up. Killer broke up. She broke up too. But what the hell was it like in
there? Did they turn on the late show and watch the vampire movies? Davis was
really rolling on the ground.
"The
fact is, Baby Jenks," Killer said, "we're rogues to them, they wanna
run everything. Like they don't think we have a right to be Dead. Like when
they make a new vampire as they call it, it's a big ceremony."
"Like
what happens, like a wedding or something you mean?"
More
laughter from those two.
"Not
exactly," Killer said, "more like a funeral!"
They
were making too much noise. Surely those Dead guys in the house were going to
hear them. But Baby Jenks wasn't afraid if Killer wasn't afraid. Where were
Russ and Tim, gone off hunting?
"But
the point is, Baby Jenks," said Killer, "they have all these rules,
and I'll tell you what, they're spreading it all over that they're going to get
the Vampire Lestat the night of his concert, but you know what, they're reading
his book like it was the Bible.
They're
using all that language he used, Dark Gift, Dark Trick, I tell you it's the
stupidest thing I've ever seen, they're going to burn the guy at the stake and
then use his book like it was Emily Post or Miss Manners-"
"They'll
never get Lestat," Davis had sneered. "No way, man. You can't kill the
Vampire Lestat, that is flat out impossible. It has been tried, you see, and it
has failed. Now that is one cat who is utterly and completely immortal."
"Hell,
they're going out there same as we are," Killer said, "to join up
with the cat if he wants us."
Baby
Jenks didn't understand the whole thing. She didn't know who Emily Post was or
Miss Manners either. And weren't we all supposed to be immortal? And why would
the Vampire Lestat want to be running around with the Fang Gang? I mean he was
a rock star, for Chrissakes. Probably had his own limousine. And was he ever
one adorable-looking guy, Dead or alive! Blond hair to die for and a smile that
just made you wanna roll over and let him bite your goddamn neck!
She'd tried
to read the Vampire Lestat's book-the whole history of Dead guys back to
ancient times and all-but there were just too many big words and konk, she was
asleep.
Killer
and Davis said she'd find out she could read real fast now if she just stuck
with it. They carried copies of Lestat's book around with them, and the first
one, the one with the title she could never get straight, something like
"conversations with the vampire," or "talking with the
vampire," or "getting to meet the vampire," or something like
that. Davis would read out loud from that one sometimes, but Baby Jenks
couldn't take it in, snore! The Dead Guy, Louis, or whoever he was, had been
made Dead down in New Orleans and the book was full of stuff about banana
leaves and iron railings and Spanish moss.
"Baby
Jenks, they know everything, the old European ones," Davis had said.
"They know how it started, they know we can go on and on if we hang in
there, live to be a thousand years old and turn into white marble."
"Gee,
that's just great, Davis," Baby Jenks said. "It's bad enough now not
being able to walk into a Seven Eleven under those lights without people
looking at you. Who wants to look like white marble?"
"Baby
Jenks, you don't need anything anymore from the Seven Eleven," Davis said
real calmly. But he got the point.
Forget
the books. Baby Jenks did love the Vampire Lestat's music, and those songs just
kept giving her a lot, especially that one about Those Who Must Be Kept-the
Egyptian King and Queen-though to tell the truth she didn't know what the hell
it meant till Killer explained.
"They're
the parents of all vampires, Baby Jenks, the Mother and the Father. See, we're
all an unbroken line of blood coming down from the King and the Queen in
ancient Egypt who are called Those Who Must Be Kept. And the reason you gotta
keep them is if you destroy them, you destroy all of us, too."
Sounded
like a bunch of bull to her.
"Lestat's
seen the Mother and the Father," Davis said. "Found them hidden on a
Greek island, so he knows that it's the truth. That's what he's been telling
everybody with these songs-and it's the truth."
"And
the Mother and the Father don't move or speak or drink blood, Baby Jenks,"
Killer said. He looked real thoughtful, sad, almost. "They just sit there
and stare like they've done for thousands of years. Nobody knows what those two
know."
"Probably
nothing," Baby Jenks had said disgustedly. "And I tell you, this is
some kind of being immortal! What do you mean the big city Dead guys can kill
us? Just how can they manage that?"
"Fire
and sun can always do it," Killer answered just a touch impatient. "I
told you that. Now mind me, please. You can always fight the big city Dead
guys. You're tough. Fact is, the big city Dead are as scared of you as you will
ever be of them. You just beat it when you see a Dead guy you don't know.
That's a rule that's followed by everybody who's Dead."
After
they'd left the coven house, she'd got another big surprise from Killer: he'd
told her about the vampire bars. Big fancy places in New York and San Francisco
and New Orleans, where the Dead guys met in the back rooms while the damn fool
human beings drank and danced up front. In there, no other Dead guy could kill
you, city slicker, European, or rogue like her.
"You
run for one of those places," he told her, "if the big city Dead guys
ever get on your case."
"I'm
not old enough to go in a bar," Baby Jenks said.
That
really did it. He and Davis laughed themselves sick. They were falling off
their motorcycles.
"You
find a vampire bar, Baby Jenks," Killer said, "you just give them the
Evil Eye and say 'Let me in.'"
Yeah,
she'd done that Evil Eye on people and made them do stuff, it worked OK. And
truth was, they'd never seen the vampire bars. Just heard about them. Didn't
know where they were. She'd had lots of questions when they finally left St.
Louis.
But as
she made her way north towards the same city now, the only thing in the world
she cared about was getting to that same damned coven house. Big city Dead
guys, here I come. She'd go clean out of her head if she had to go on alone.
The
music in the earphones stopped. The tape had run out. She couldn't stand the
silence in the roar of the wind. The dream came back; she saw those twins
again, the soldiers coming. Jesus. If she didn't block it out, the whole damn
dream would replay itself like the tape.
Steadying
the bike with one hand, she reached in her jacket to open the little cassette
player. She flipped the tape over. "Sing on, man!" she said, her
voice sounding shrill and tiny to her over the roar of the wind, if she heard
it at all.
Of Those Who Must Be Kept. What can we know? Can any explanation save us?
Yes
sir, that was the one she loved. That's the one she'd been listening to when
she fell asleep waiting for her mother to come home from work in Gun Barrel
City. It wasn't the words that got to her, it was the way he sang it, groaning
like Bruce Springsteen into the mike and making it just break your heart.
It was
kind of like a hymn in a way. It had that kind of sound, yet Lestat was right
there in the middle of it, singing to her, and there was a steady drumbeat that
went to her bones.
"OK,
man, OK, you're the only goddamn Dead guy I've got now, Lestat, keep
singing!"
Five
minutes to St. Louis, and there she was thinking about her mother again, how
strange it had all been, how bad.
Baby
Jenks hadn't even told Killer or Davis why she was going home, though they
knew, they understood.
Baby
Jenks had to do it, she had to get her parents before the Fang Gang went out
west. And even now she didn't regret it. Except for that strange moment when
her mother was dying there on the floor.
Now
Baby Jenks had always hated her mother. She thought her mother was just a real
fool, making crosses every day of her life with little pink seashells and bits
of glass and then taking them to the Gun Barrel City Flea Market and selling
them for ten dollars. And they were ugly, too, just real ready-made junk, those
things with a little twisted-up Jesus in the middle made up of tiny red and
blue beads and things.
But it
wasn't just that, it was everything her mother had ever done that got to Baby
Jenks and made her disgusted. Going to church, that was bad enough, but talking
the way she did to people so sweet and just putting up with her husband's
drinking and always saying nice things about everybody.
Baby
Jenks never bought a word of it. She used to lie there on her bunk in the
trailer thinking to herself, What really makes that lady tick? When is she
going to blow up like a stick of dynamite? Or is she just too stupid? Her
mother had stopped looking Baby Jenks in the eye years ago. When Baby Jenks was
twelve she'd come in and said, "You know I done it, don't you? I hope to
God you don't think I'm no virgin." And her mother just faded out, like,
just looked away with her eyes wide and empty and stupid, and went back to her
work, humming like always as she made those seashell crosses.
One
time some big city person told her mother that she made real folk art.
"They're making a fool of you," Baby Jenks had said. "Don't you
know that? They didn't buy one of those ugly things, did they? You know what
those things look like to me? I'll tell you what they look like. They look like
great big dime-store earrings!"
No
arguing. Just turning the other cheek. "You want some supper, honey?"
It was
like an open and shut case, Baby Jenks figured. So she had headed out of Dallas
early, making Cedar Creek Lake in less than an hour, and there was the familiar
sign that meant her sweet little old home town:
WELCOME
TO GUN BARREL CITY. WE SHOOT STRAIGHT WITH YOU.
She hid
her Harley behind the trailer when she got there, nobody home, and lay down for
a nap, Lestat singing in the earphones, and the steam iron ready by her side.
When her mother came in, slam bam, thank you, ma'am, she'd take her out with
it.
Then
the dream happened. Why, she wasn't even asleep when it started. It was like
Lestat faded out, and the dream pulled her down and snap:
She was
in a place full of sunlight. A clearing on the side of a mountain. And these
two twins were there, beautiful women with soft wavy red hair, and they knelt
like angels in church with their hands folded. Lots of people around, people in
long robes, like people in the Bible. And there was music, too, a creepy
thumping and the sound of a horn playing, real mournful. But the worst part was
the dead body, the burned body of the woman on a stone slab. Why, she looked
like she'd been cooked, lying there! And on the plates, there was a fat shiny
heart and a brain. Yep, sure thing, that was a heart and a brain.
Baby
Jenks had woken up, scared. To hell with that. Her mother was standing in the
door. Baby Jenks jumped up and banged her with the steam iron till she stopped
moving. Really bashed in her head. And she should have been dead, but she
wasn't yet, and then that crazy moment came.
Her
mother was lying there on the floor, half dead, staring, just like her daddy
would be later. And Baby Jenks was sitting in the chair, one blue jean leg
thrown over the arm, leaning on her elbow, or twirling one of her braids, just
waiting, thinking about the twins in the dream sort of, and the body and the
things on the plates, what was it all for? But mostly just waiting. Die, you
stupid bitch, go on, die, I'm not slamming you again!
Even
now Baby Jenks wasn't sure what had happened. It was like her mother's thoughts
had changed, grown wider, bigger. Maybe she was floating up on the ceiling
somewhere the way Baby Jenks had been when she nearly died before Killer saved
her. But whatever was the cause, the thoughts were just amazing. Just flat out
amazing. Like her mother knew everything! All about good and bad and how
important it was to love, really love, and how it was so much more than just
all the rules about don't drink, don't smoke, pray to Jesus. It wasn't preacher
stuff. It was just gigantic.
Her
mother, lying there, had thought about how the lack of love in her daughter,
Baby Jenks, had been as awful as a bad gene that made Baby Jenks blind and
crippled. Yet it didn't matter. It was going to be all right. Baby Jenks would
rise out of what was going on now, just as she had almost done before Killer
had got to her, and there would be a finer understanding of everything. What
the hell did that mean? Something about everything around us being part of one
big thing, the fibers in the carpet, the leaves outside the window, the water
dripping in the sink, the clouds moving over Cedar Creek Lake, and the bare
trees, and they weren't really so ugly as Baby Jenks had thought. No, the whole
thing was almost too beautiful to describe suddenly. And Baby Jenks' mother had
always known about this! Seen it that way. Baby Jenks's mother forgave Baby
Jenks everything. Poor Baby Jenks. She didn't know. She didn't know about the
green grass. Or the seashells shining in the light of the lamp.
Then
Baby Jenks's mother had died. Thank God! Enough! But Baby Jenks had been
crying. Then she'd carried the body out of the trailer and buried it in back,
real deep, feeling how good it was to be one of the Dead and so strong and able
to just heft those shovels full of dirt.
Then
her father came home. This one's really for fun! She buried him while he was
still alive. She'd never forget the look on his face when he came in the door
and saw her with the fire ax. "Well, if it ain't Lizzie Borden."
Who the
hell was Lizzie Borden?
Then
the way his chin stuck out, and his fist came flying towards her, he was so
sure of himself! "You little slut!" She split his goddamn forehead in
half. Yeah, that part was great, feeling the skull cave-"Go down, you
bastard!"-and so was shoveling dirt on his face while he was still looking
at her. Paralyzed, couldn't move, thinking he was a kid again on a farm or
something in New Mexico. Just baby talk. You son of a bitch, I always knew
you had shit for brains. Now I can smell it!
But why
the hell had she ever gone down there? Why had she left the Fang Gang?
If
she'd never left them, she'd be with them now in San Francisco, with Killer and
Davis, waiting to see Lestat on the stage. They might have even made the
vampire bar out there or something. Leastways, if they had ever gotten there.
If something wasn't really really wrong.
And
what the hell was she doing now backtracking? Maybe she should have gone along
out west. Two nights, that was all that was left.
Hell,
maybe she'd rent a motel room when the concert happened, so she could watch it
on TV. But before that, she had to find some Dead guys in St. Louis. She
couldn't go on alone.
How to
find the Central West End. Where was it?
This
boulevard looked familiar. She was cruising along, praying no meddling cop
would start after her. She'd outrun him of course, she always did, though she
dreamed of getting just one of those damn sons-a-bitches on a lonely road. But
the fact was she didn't want to be chased out of St. Louis.
Now
this looked like something she knew. Yeah, this was the Central West End or
whatever they called it and she turned off now to the right and went down an
old street with those big cool leafy trees all around her. Made her think of
her mother again, the green grass, the clouds. Little sob in her throat.
If she
just wasn't so damn lonesome! But then she saw the gates, yeah, this was the
street. Killer had told her that Dead guys never really forget anything. Her
brain would be like a little computer. Maybe it was true. These were the gates
all right, great big iron gates, opened wide and covered with dark green ivy.
Guess they never really close up "a private place."
She
slowed to a rumbling crawl, then cut the motor altogether. Too noisy in this
dark valley of mansions. Some bitch might call the cops. She had to get off to
walk her bike. Her legs weren't long enough to do it any other way. But that
was OK. She liked walking in these deep dead leaves. She liked this whole quiet
street.
Boy, if
I was a big city vampire I'd live here too, she thought, and then far off down
the street, she saw the coven house, saw the brick walls and the white Moorish
arches. Her heart was really going!
Burnt
up!
At
first she didn't believe it! Then she saw it was true all right, big streaks of
black on the bricks, and the windows all blown out, not a pane of glass left anywhere.
Jesus Christ! She was going crazy. She walked her bike up closer, biting her
lip so hard she could taste her own blood. Just look at it. Who the hell was
doing it! Teeny bits of glass all over the lawn and even in the trees so the
whole place was kind of sparkling in a way that human beings probably couldn't
make out. Looked to her like nightmare Christmas decorations. And the stink of
burning wood. It was just hanging there.
She was
going to cry! She was going to start screaming! But then she heard something.
Not a real sound, but the things that Killer had taught her to listen for.
There was a Dead guy in there!
She
couldn't believe her luck, and she didn't give a damn what happened, she was
going in there. Yeah, somebody in there. It was real faint. She went a few more
feet, crunching real loud in the dead leaves. No light but something moving in
there, and it knew she was coming. And as she stood there, heart hammering,
afraid, and frantic to go in, somebody came out on the front porch, a Dead guy
looking right at her.
Praise
the Lord, she whispered. And he wasn't no jerkoff in a three-piece suit,
either. No, he was a young kid, maybe no more than two years older than her
when they did it to him, and he looked real special. Like he had silver hair
for one thing, just real pretty short curly gray hair, and that always looked
great on a young person. And he was tall too, about six feet, and skinny, a
real elegant guy, the way she saw it. He had an icy look to his skin it was so
white, and he wore a dark brown turtleneck shirt, real smooth across his chest,
and a fancy cut brown leather jacket and pants, nothing at all like biker
leather. Really boss, this guy, and cuter than any Dead guy in the Fang Gang.
"Come
inside!" he said in a hiss. "Hurry."
She
like to flew up the steps. The air was still full of tiny ashes, and it hurt
her eyes and made her cough. Half the porch had fallen in. Carefully she made
her way into the hallway. Some of the stairs was left, but the roof way above
was wide open. And the chandelier had fallen down, all crushed and full of
soot. Real spooky, like a haunted house this place.
The
Dead guy was in the living room or what was left of it, kicking and picking
through burnt-up stuff, furniture and things, sort of in a rage, it looked
like.
"Baby
Jenks, is it?" he said, flashing her a weird fake smile, full of pearly
teeth including his little fangs, and his gray eyes glittering kind of.
"And you're lost, aren't you?"
OK,
another goddamn mind reader like Davis. And one with a foreign accent.
"Yeah,
so what?" she said. And real surprising, she caught his name like as if it
was a ball and he'd tossed it to her: Laurent. Now that was a classy name,
French sounding.
"Stay
right there, Baby Jenks," he said. The accent was French too, probably.
"There were three in this coven and two were incinerated. The police can't
detect the remains but you will know them if you step on them and you will not
like it."
Christ!
And he was telling her the truth, 'cause there was one of them right there, no
jive, at the back of the hall, and it looked like a half-burnt suit of clothes
lying there, kind of vaguely in the outline of a man, and sure thing, she could
tell by the smell, there'd been a Dead guy in the clothes, and just the sleeves
and the pant legs and shoes were left. In the middle of it all there was a kind
of grayish messy stuff, looked more like grease and powder than ashes. Funny
the way the shirt sleeve was still neatly sticking out of the coat sleeve. Now
that had been a three-piece suit maybe.
She was
getting sick. Could you get sick when you were Dead? She wanted to get out of
here. What if whatever had done this was coming back? Immortal, tie a can to
it!
"Don't
move," the Dead guy said to her, "and we'll be leaving together just
as soon as we can."
"Like
now, OK!" she said. She was shaking, goddamn it. This is what they meant
when they said cold sweat!
He'd
found a tin box and he was taking all the unburnt money out of it.
"Hey,
man, I'm splitting," she said. She could feel something around here, and
it had nothing to do with that grease spot on the floor. She was thinking of
the burnt-up coven houses in Dallas and Oklahoma City, the way the Fang Gang
had vanished on her. He got all that, she could tell. His face got soft, real
cute again. He threw down the box and came towards her so fast it scared her
worse.
"Yes,
ma chère," he said in a real nice voice, "all those coven
houses, exactly. The East Coast has been burnt out like a circuit of lights. There
is no answer at the coven house in Paris or the coven house in Berlin."
He took
her arm as they headed for the front door.
"Who
the hell's doing this!" she said.
"Who
the hell knows, chérie? It destroys the houses, the vampire bars,
whatever rogues it finds. We have got to get out of here. Now make the bike
go."
But she
had come to a halt. Something out here. She was standing at the edge of
the porch. Something. She was as scared to go on as she was to go back in the
house.
"What's
wrong?" he asked her in a whisper.
How
dark this place was with these great big trees and the houses, they all looked
haunted, and she could hear something, something real low like... like
something's breathing. Something like that.
"Baby
Jenks? Move it now!"
"But
where are we going?" she asked. This thing, whatever it was, it was almost
a sound.
"The
only place we can go. To him, darling, to the Vampire Lestat. He is out there
in San Francisco waiting, unharmed!"
"Yeah?"
she said, staring at the dark street in front of her. "Yeah, right, to the
Vampire Lestat." Just ten steps to the bike.
Take
it, Baby Jenks. He was about to leave without her. "No, don't you do that,
you son of a bitch, don't you touch my bike!"
But it was
a sound now, wasn't it? Baby Jenks had never heard anything quite like it. But
you hear a lot of things when you're Dead. You hear trains miles away, and
people talking on planes over your head.
The
Dead guy heard it. No, he heard her hearing it! "What is it?" he
whispered. Jesus, he was scared. And now he heard it all by himself too.
He
pulled her down the steps. She stumbled and almost fell, but he lifted her off
her feet and put her on the bike.
The
noise was getting really loud. It was coming in beats like music. And it was so
loud now she couldn't even hear what this Dead guy was saying to her. She
twisted the key, turned the handles to give the Harley gas, and the Dead guy
was on the bike behind her, but Jesus, the noise, she couldn't think. She
couldn't even hear the engine of the bike!
She
looked down, trying to see what the hell was going on, was it running, she
couldn't even feel it. Then she looked up and she knew she was looking towards
the thing that was sending the noise. It was in the darkness, behind the trees.
The
Dead guy had leaped off the bike, and he was jabbering away at it, as if he
could see it. But no, he was looking around like a crazy man talking to
himself. But she couldn't hear a word. She just knew it was there, it was looking
at them, and the crazy guy was wasting his breath!
She was
off the Harley. It had fallen over. The noise stopped. Then there was a loud
ringing in her ears.
"-anything
you want!" the Dead guy next to her was saying, "just anything, name
it, we will do it. We are your servants-!" Then he ran past Baby Jenks,
nearly knocking her over and grabbing up her bike.
"Hey!"
she shouted, but just as she started for him, he burst into flames! He
screamed.
And
then Baby Jenks screamed too. She screamed and screamed. The burning Dead guy
was turning over and over on the ground, just pinwheeling. And behind her, the
coven house exploded. She felt the heat on her back. She saw stuff flying
through the air. The sky looked like high noon.
Oh,
sweet Jesus, let me live, let me live!
For one
split second she thought her heart had burst. She meant to look down to see if
her chest had broken open and her heart was spewing out blood like molten lava
from a volcano, but then the heat built up inside her head and swoosh! she was
gone.
She was
rising up and up through a dark tunnel, and then high above she floated,
looking down on the whole scene.
Oh
yeah, just like before. And there it was, the thing that had killed them, a
white figure standing in a thicket of trees. And there was the Dead guy's
clothes smoking on the pavement. And her own body just burning away.
Through
the flames she could see the pure black outline of her own skull and her bones.
But it didn't frighten her. It didn't really seem that interesting at all.
It was
the white figure that amazed her. It looked just like a statue, like the
Blessed Virgin Mary in the Catholic church. She stared at the sparkling silver
threads that seemed to move out from the figure in all directions, threads made
out of some kind of dancing light. And as she moved higher, she saw that the
silver threads stretched out, tangling with other threads, to make a giant net
all over the whole world. All through the net were Dead guys, caught, like
helpless flies in a web. Tiny pinpoints of light, pulsing, and connected to the
white figure, and almost beautiful, the sight of it, except it was so sad. Oh,
poor souls of all the Dead guys locked in indestructible matter unable to grow
old or die.
But she
was free. The net was way far away from her now. She was seeing so many things.
Like
there were thousands and thousands of other dead people floating up here, too,
in a great hazy gray layer. Some were lost, others were fighting with each
other, and some were looking back down to where they'd died, so pitiful, like
they didn't know or wouldn't believe they were dead. There was even a couple of
them trying to be seen and heard by the living, but that they could not do.
She
knew she was dead. This had happened before. She was just passing through this
murky lair of sad lingering people. She was on her way! And the pitifulness of
her life on earth caused her sorrow. But it was not the important thing now.
The
light was shining again, the magnificent light she'd glimpsed when she'd almost
died that first time around. She moved towards it, into it. And this was truly
beautiful. Never had she seen such colors, such radiance, never had she heard
the pure music that she was hearing now. There were no words to describe this;
it was beyond any language she'd ever known. And this time nobody would bring
her back!
Because
the one coming towards her, to take her and to help her-it was her mother! And
her mother wouldn't let her go.
Never
had she felt such love as she felt for her mother; but then love surrounded
her; the light, the color, the love-these things were utterly
indistinguishable.
Ah,
that poor Baby Jenks, she thought as she looked down to earth just one last
time. But she wasn't Baby Jenks now. No, not at all.
Once we had the words. Ox and Falcon. Plow. There was clarity. Savage as horns curved. We lived in stone rooms. We hung our hair out the windows and up it climbed the men. A garden behind the ears, the curls. On each hill a king of that hill. At night the threads were pulled out of the tapestries. The unravelled men screamed. All moons revealed. We had the words. STAN RICE from "The Words Once" Whiteboy (1976)
She was
a tall creature, clad in black, with only her eyes uncovered, her strides long
as she moved with inhuman speed up the treacherous snow-covered path.
Almost
clear this night of tiny stars in the high thin air of the Himalayas, and far
ahead-beyond her powers of reckoning distance-loomed the massive pleated flank
of Everest, splendidly visible above a thick wreath of turbulent white cloud.
It took her breath away each time she glanced at it, not only because it was so
beautiful, but because it was so seemingly full of meaning, though no true
meaning was there.
Worship
this mountain? Yes, one could do that with impunity, because the mountain would
never answer. The whistling wind that chilled her skin was the voice of nothing
and no one. And this incidental and utterly indifferent grandeur made her want
to cry.
So did
the sight of the pilgrims far below her, a thin stream of ants it seemed,
winding their way up an impossibly narrow road. Too unspeakably sad their
delusion. Yet she moved towards the same hidden mountain temple. She moved
towards the same despicable and deceiving god.
She was
suffering from the cold. Frost covered her face, her eyelids. It clung in tiny
crystals to her eyelashes. And each step in the driving wind was hard even for
her. Pain or death it couldn't cause her, really; she was too old for that. It
was something mental, her suffering. It came from the tremendous resistance of
the elements, from seeing nothing for hours but the sheer white and dazzling
snows.
No
matter. A deep shiver of alarm had passed through her nights ago, in the
crowded stinking streets of Old Delhi, and every hour or so since had repeated
itself, as if the earth had begun to tremble at its core.
At
certain moments, she was sure that the Mother and the Father must be waking.
Somewhere far away in a crypt where her beloved Marius had placed them, Those
Who Must Be Kept had stirred at last. Nothing less than such a resurrection
could transmit this powerful yet vague signal-Akasha and Enkil rising, after
six thousand years of horrifying stillness, from the throne they shared.
But
that was fancy, wasn't it? Might as well ask the mountain to speak. For these
were no mere legend to her, the ancient parents of all blood drinkers. Unlike
so many of their spawn, she had seen them with her own eyes. At the door of
their shrine she had been made immortal; she had crept forward on her knees and
touched the Mother; she had pierced the smooth shining surface that had once
been the Mother's human skin and caught in her open mouth the gushing stream of
the Mother's blood. What a miracle it had been even then, the living blood
pouring forth from the lifeless body before the wounds miraculously closed.
But in
those early centuries of magnificent belief she had shared Marius's conviction
that the Mother and Father merely slumbered, that the time would come when they
would wake and speak to their children once again.
In the
candlelight, she and Marius had sung hymns to them together; she herself had
burnt the incense, placed before them the flowers; she had sworn never to
reveal the location of the sanctuary lest other blood drinkers come to destroy
Marius, to steal his charges and feast gluttonously on the original and most
powerful blood.
But
that was long ago when the world was divided among tribes and empires, when
heroes and emperors were made gods in a day. In that time elegant philosophical
ideas had caught her fancy. She knew now what it meant to live forever. Tell it
to the mountain.
Danger. She felt it again coursing
through her, a scorching current. Then gone. And then a glimpse of a green and
humid place, a place of soft earth and stifling growth. But it vanished almost
immediately.
She
paused, the moonlit snow blinding her for a moment, and she raised her eyes to
the stars, twinkling through a thin fleece of passing cloud. She listened for
other immortal voices. But she heard no clear and vital transmission-only a dim
throb from the temple to which she was going, and from far behind her, rising
out of the dark warrens of a dirty overcrowded city, the dead, electronic
recordings of that mad blood drinker, "the rock star," the Vampire
Lestat.
Doomed
that impetuous modern fledgling who had dared to fashion garbled songs of bits and
pieces of old truths. She had seen countless young ones rise and fall.
Yet his
audacity intrigued her, even as it shocked her. Could it be that the alarm she
heard was somehow connected to his plaintive yet raucous songs?
Akasha, Enkil Hearken to your children
How
dare he speak the ancient names to the mortal world? It seemed impossible, an
offense to reason, that such a creature not be dismissed out of hand. Yet the
monster, reveling in improbable celebrity, revealed secrets he could have
learned only from Marius himself. And where was Marius, who for two thousand
years had taken Those Who Must Be Kept from one secret sanctuary to another?
Her heart would break if she let herself think of Marius, of the quarrels that
had long ago divided them.
But the
recorded voice of Lestat was gone now, swallowed by other faint electric
voices, vibrations rising from cities and villages, and the ever audible cry of
mortal souls. As so often happened, her powerful ears could separate no one
signal. The rising tide had overwhelmed her-shapeless, horrific-so that she
closed herself off. Only the wind again.
Ah,
what must the collective voices of the earth be to the Mother and the Father
whose powers had grown, inevitably, from the dawn of recorded time? Had they
the power, as she had still, to shut off the flow, or to select from time to
time the voices they might hear? Perhaps they were as passive in this regard as
in any other, and it was the unstoppable din that kept them fixed, unable to
reason, as they heard the endless cries, mortal and immortal, of the entire
world.
She
looked at the great jagged peak before her. She must continue. She tightened
the covering over her face. She walked on.
And as
the trail led her to a small promontory, she saw her destination at last.
Across an immense glacier, the temple rose from a high cliff, a stone structure
of near invisible whiteness, its bell tower disappearing into the swirling snow
that had just begun to fall.
How
long would it take her to reach it, even fast as she could walk? She knew what
she must do, yet she dreaded it. She must lift her arms, defy the laws of
nature and her own reason, and rise over the gulf that separated her from the
temple, gently descending only when she had reached the other side of the frozen
gorge. No other power she possessed could make her feel so insignificant, so
inhuman, so far from the common earthly being she had once been.
But she
wanted to reach the temple. She had to. And so she did raise her arms slowly,
with conscious grace. Her eyes closed for the moment as she willed herself
upwards, and she felt her body rising immediately as if it were weightless, a
force seemingly unfettered by substance, riding by sheer intention the wind
itself.
For a
long moment she let the winds buffet her; she let her body twist, drift. She
rose higher and higher, allowing herself to turn away from the earth
altogether, the clouds flying past her, as she faced the stars. How heavy her
garments felt; was she not ready to become invisible? Would that not be the
next step? A speck of dust in the eye of God, she thought. Her heart was
aching. The horror of this, to be utterly unconnected... The tears welled in
her eyes.
And as
always happened in such moments, the vague shining human past she clung to
seemed more than ever a myth to be cherished as all practical belief died away.
That I lived, that I loved, that my flesh was warm. She saw Marius, her
maker, not as he was now, but then, a young immortal burning with a
supernatural secret: "Pandora, my dearest..."
"Give
it to me, I beg you."
"Pandora,
come with me to ask the blessing of the Mother and the Father. Come into the
shrine."
Unanchored,
in despair, she might have forgotten her destination. She could have let
herself drift towards the rising sun. But the alarm came again, the silent,
pulsating signal of Danger, to remind her of her purpose. She spread out her
arms, willed herself to face the earth again, and saw the temple courtyard with
its smoking fires directly below. Yes, there.
The
speed of her descent astonished her; momentarily, it shattered her reason. She
found herself standing in the courtyard, her body aching for one flashing
instant, and then cold and still.
The scream
of the wind was distant. The music of the temple came through the walls, a
dizzying throb, the tambourines and drums driving with it, voices melding into
one gruesome and repetitive sound. And before her were the pyres, spitting,
crackling, the dead bodies darkening as they lay heaped on the burning wood.
The stench sickened her. Yet for a long time, she watched the flames working
slowly at the sizzling flesh, the blackening stumps, the hair that gave off
sudden wisps of white smoke. The smell suffocated her; the cleansing mountain
air could not reach her here.
She
stared at the distant wooden door to the inner sanctum. She would test the
power again, bitterly. There. And she found herself moving over the
threshold, the door opened, the light of the inner chamber dazzling her, along
with the warm air and the deafening chant.
"Azim!
Azim! Azim!" the celebrants sang over and over, their backs turned to her
as they pressed to the center of the candle-lighted hall, their hands raised,
twisting at the wrists in rhythm with their rocking heads. "Azim! Azim!
Azim-Azim-Azim! Ahhhh Zeeeem!" Smoke rose from the censers; an endless
swarm of figures turned, circling in place on their bare feet, but they did not
see her. Their eyes were closed, their dark faces smooth, only their mouths
moving as they repeated the revered name.
She
pushed into the thick of them, men and women in rags, others in gorgeous
colored silks and clattering gold jewelry, all repeating the invocation in
horrifying monotony. She caught the smell of fever, starvation, dead bodies
fallen in the press, unheeded in the common delirium. She clung to a marble
column, as if to anchor herself in the turbulent stream of movement and noise.
And
then she saw Azim in the middle of the crush. His dark bronze skin was moist
and gleaming in the light of the candles, his head bound in a black silk
turban, his long embroidered robes stained with a mingling of mortal and
immortal blood. His black eyes, ringed in kohl, were enormous. To the hard
underlying beat of the drums, he danced, undulating, thrusting his fists
forward and drawing them back as though pounding upon an invisible wall. His
slippered feet tapped the marble in frenzied rhythm. Blood oozed from the
corners of his mouth. His expression was one of utter mindless absorption.
Yet he
knew that she had come. And from the center of his dance, he looked directly at
her, and she saw his blood-smeared lips curl in a smile.
Pandora,
my beautiful immortal Pandora...
Glutted
with the feast he was, plump and heated with it as she had seldom ever seen an
immortal become. He threw back his head, spun round, and gave a shrill cry. His
acolytes came forward, slashing at his outstretched wrists with their
ceremonial knives.
And the
faithful surged against him, mouths uplifted to catch the sacred blood as it
gushed out. The chant grew louder, more insistent over the strangled cries of
those nearest him. And suddenly, she saw him being lifted, his body stretched
out full length on the shoulders of his followers, golden slippers pointed to
the high tessellated ceiling, the knives slashing at his ankles and again at
his wrists where the wounds had already closed.
The
maddened crowd seemed to expand as its movements grew more frantic, reeking
bodies slamming against her, oblivious to the coldness and hardness of the
ancient limbs beneath her soft shapeless wool clothes. She did not move. She
let herself be surrounded, drawn in. She saw Azim lowered to the ground once
more; bled, moaning, wounds already healed. He beckoned to her to join him.
Silently she refused.
She
watched as he reached out and snatched a victim, blindly, at random, a young
woman with painted eyes and dangling golden earrings, gashing open her slender
throat.
The
crowd had lost the perfect shape of the syllables it chanted; it was now a
simple wordless cry that came from every mouth.
Eyes
wide as if in horror at his own power, Azim sucked the woman dry of blood in
one great draught, then dashed the body on the stones before him where it lay
mangled as the faithful surrounded it, hands out in supplication to their
staggering god.
She
turned her back; she went out in the cold air of the courtyard, moving away
from the heat of the fires. Stink of urine, offal. She stood against the wall, gazing
upwards, thinking of the mountain, paying no heed when the acolytes dragged
past her the bodies of the newly dead and threw them into the flames.
She
thought of the pilgrims she had seen on the road below the temple, the long
chain that moved sluggishly day and night through the uninhabited mountains to
this unnamed place. How many died without ever reaching this precipice? How
many died outside the gates, waiting to be let in?
She
loathed it. And yet it did not matter. It was an ancient horror. She waited.
Then Azim called her.
She
turned and moved back through the door and then through another into a small
exquisitely painted antechamber where, standing on a red carpet bordered with
rubies, he waited silently for her, surrounded by random treasures, offerings
of gold and silver, the music in the hall lower, full of languor and fear.
"Dearest,"
he said. He took her face in his hands and kissed her. A heated stream of blood
flowed out of his mouth into her, and for one rapturous moment her senses were
filled with the song and dance of the faithful, the heady cries. Flooding
warmth of mortal adoration, surrender. Love.
Yes,
love. She saw Marius for one instant. She opened her eyes, and stepped back.
For a moment she saw the walls with their painted peacocks, lilies; she saw the
heaps of shimmering gold. Then she saw only Azim.
He was
changeless as were his people, changeless as were the villages from which they
had come, wandering through snow and waste to find this horrid, meaningless
end. One thousand years ago, Azim had begun his rule in this temple from which
no worshiper ever departed alive. His supple golden skin nourished by an
endless river of blood sacrifice had paled only slightly over the centuries,
whereas her own flesh had lost its human blush in half the time. Only her eyes,
and her dark brown hair perhaps, gave an immediate appearance of life. She had
beauty, yes, she knew that, but he had a great surpassing vigor. Evil.
Irresistible to his followers, shrouded in legend, he ruled, without past or
future, as incomprehensible to her now as he had ever been.
She
didn't want to linger. The place repelled her more than she wanted him to know.
She told him silently of her purpose, the alarm that she had heard. Something
wrong somewhere, something changing, something that has never happened before!
And she told him too of the young blood drinker who recorded songs in America,
songs full of truths about the Mother and the Father, whose names he knew. It
was a simple opening of her mind, without drama.
She
watched Azim, sensing his immense power, the ability with which he'd glean from
her any random thought or idea, and shield from her the secrets of his own
mind.
"Blessed
Pandora," he said scornfully. "What do I care about the Mother and
the Father? What are they to me? What do I care about your precious Marius?
That he calls for help over and over! This is nothing to me!"
She was
stunned. Marius calling for help. Azim laughed.
"Explain
what you're saying," she said.
Again
laughter. He turned his back to her. There was nothing she could do but wait.
Marius had made her. All the world could hear Marius's voice, but she could not
hear it. Was it an echo that had reached her, dim in its deflection, of a
powerful cry that the others had heard? Tell me, Azim. Why make an enemy of
me?
When he
turned to her again, he was thoughtful, his round face plump, human-looking as
he yielded to her, the backs of his hands fleshy and dimpled as he pressed them
together just beneath his moist lower lip. He wanted something of her. There
was no scorn or malice now.
"It's
a warning," he said. "It comes over and over, echoing through a chain
of listeners who carry it from its origins in some far-off place. We are all in
danger. Then it is followed by a call for help, which is weaker. Help him that
he may try to avert the danger. But in this there is little conviction. It is
the warning above all that he would have us heed."
"The
words, what are they?"
He
shrugged. "I do not listen. I do not care."
"Ah!"
She turned her back now on him. She heard him come towards her, felt his hands
on her shoulders.
"You
must answer my question now," he said. He turned her to face him.
"It is the dream of the twins that concerns me. What does this mean?"
Dream
of the twins. She didn't have an answer. The question didn't make sense to her.
She had had no such dream.
He
regarded her silently, as if he believed she was lying. Then he spoke very
slowly, evaluating her response carefully.
"Two
women, red hair. Terrible things befall them. They come to me in troubling and
unwelcome visions just before I would open my eyes. I see these women raped
before a court of onlookers. Yet I do not know who they are or where this
outrage takes place. And I am not alone in my questioning. Out there, scattered
through the world, there are other dark gods who have these dreams and would
know why they come to us now."
Dark
gods! We are not gods, she thought contemptuously.
He
smiled at her. Were they not standing in his very temple? Could she not hear
the moaning of the faithful? Could she not smell their blood?
"I
know nothing of these two women," she said. Twins, red hair. No. She
touched his fingers gently, almost seductively. "Azim, don't torment me. I
want you to tell me about Marius. From where does his call come?"
How she
hated him at this moment, that he might keep this secret from her.
"From
where?" he asked her defiantly. "Ah, that is the crux, isn't it? Do
you think he would dare to lead us to the shrine of the Mother and the Father?
If I thought that, I would answer him, oh, yes, oh, truly. I would leave my
temple to find him, of course. But he cannot fool us. He would rather see
himself destroyed than reveal the shrine."
"From
where is he calling?" she asked patiently.
"These
dreams," he said, his face darkening with anger. "The dreams of the
twins, this I would have explained!"
"And
I would tell you who they are and what they mean, if only I knew." She thought
of the songs of Lestat, the words she'd heard. Songs of Those Who Must Be Kept
and crypts beneath European cities, songs of questing, sorrow. Nothing there of
red-haired women, nothing...
Furious,
he gestured for her to stop. "The Vampire Lestat," he said, sneering.
"Do not speak of this abomination to me. Why hasn't he been destroyed
already? Are the dark gods asleep like the Mother and the Father?"
He
watched her, calculating. She waited.
"Very
well. I believe you," he said finally. "You've told me what you
know."
"Yes."
"I
close my ears to Marius. I told you. Stealer of the Mother and the Father, let
him cry for help until the end of time. But you, Pandora, for you I feel love
as always, and so I will soil myself with these affairs. Cross the sea to the
New World. Look in the frozen north beyond the last of the woodlands near the
western sea. And there you may find Marius, trapped in a citadel of ice. He
cries that he is unable to move. As for his warning, it is as vague as it is
persistent. We are in danger. We must help him so that he may stop the danger.
So that he may go to the Vampire Lestat."
"Ah.
So it is the young one who has done this!"
The
shiver passed through her, violent, painful. She saw in her mind's eye the
blank, senseless faces of the Mother and the Father, indestructible monsters in
human form. She looked at Azim in confusion. He had paused, but he wasn't
finished. And she waited for him to go on.
"No,"
he said, his voice dropping, having lost its sharp edge of anger. "There
is a danger, Pandora, yes. Great danger, and it does not require Marius to
announce it. It has to do with the red-haired twins." How uncommonly
earnest he was, how unguarded. "This I know," he said, "because
I was old before Marius was made. The twins, Pandora. Forget Marius. And
hearken to your dreams."
She was
speechless, watching him. He looked at her for a long moment, and then his eyes
appeared to grow smaller, to become solid. She could feel him drawing back,
away from her and all the things of which they'd spoken. Finally, he no longer
saw her.
He
heard the insistent wails of his worshipers; he felt thirst again; he wanted
hymns and blood. He turned and started out of the chamber, then he glanced
back.
"Come
with me, Pandora! Join me but for an hour!" His voice was drunken,
unclear.
The
invitation caught her off guard. She considered. It had been years since she
had sought the exquisite pleasure. She thought not merely of the blood itself,
but of the momentary union with another soul. And there it was, suddenly,
waiting for her, among those who had climbed the highest mountain range on
earth to seek this death. She thought also of the quest that lay before her-to
find Marius-and of the sacrifices it would entail.
"Come,
dearest."
She
took his hand. She let herself be led out of the room and into the center of
the crowded hall. The brightness of the light startled her; yes, the blood
again. The smell of humans pressed in on her, tormenting her.
The cry
of the faithful was deafening. The stamp of human feet seemed to shake the
painted walls, the glimmering gold ceiling. The incense burned her eyes. Faint
memory of the shrine, eons ago, of Marius embracing her. Azim stood before her
as he removed her outer cloak, revealing her face, her naked arms, the plain
gown of black wool she wore, and her long brown hair. She saw herself reflected
in a thousand pairs of mortal eyes.
"The
goddess Pandora!" he cried out, throwing back his head.
Screams
rose over the rapid thudding of drums. Countless human hands stroked her.
"Pandora, Pandora, Pandora!" The chant mingled with the cries of
"Azim!"
A young
brown-skinned man danced before her, white silk shirt plastered to the sweat of
his dark chest. His black eyes, gleaming under low dark brows, were fired with
the challenge. I am your victim! Goddess! She could see nothing suddenly
in the flickering light and drowning noise but his eyes, his face. She embraced
him, crushing his ribs in her haste, her teeth sinking deep into his neck. Alive.
The blood poured into her, reached her heart and flooded its chambers, then
sent its heat through all her cold limbs. It was beyond remembrance, this
glorious sensation- and the exquisite lust, the wanting again! The death
shocked her, knocked the breath out of her. She felt it pass into her brain.
She was blinded, moaning. Then instantly, the clarity of her vision was
paralyzing. The marble columns lived and breathed. She dropped the body, and
took hold of another young male, half starved, naked to the waist, his strength
on the verge of death maddening her.
She
broke his tender neck as she drank, hearing her own heart swell, feeling even
the surface of her skin flooded with blood. She could see the color in her own
hands just before she closed her eyes, yes, human hands, the death slower,
resistant, and then yielding in a rush of dimming light and roaring sound. Alive.
"Pandora!
Pandora! Pandora!"
God, is
there no justice, is there no end?
She
stood rocking back and forth, human faces, each discrete, lurid, dancing in
front of her. The blood inside her was boiling as it sought out every tissue,
every cell. She saw her third victim hurling himself against her, sleek young
limbs enfolding her, so soft this hair, this fleece on the back of his arms,
the fragile bones, so light, as if she were the real being and these were but
creatures of the imagination.
She
ripped the head half off the neck, staring at the white bones of the broken
spinal cord, then swallowing the death instantly with the violent spray of
blood from the torn artery. But the heart, the beating heart, she would see it,
taste it. She threw the body back over her right arm, bones cracking, while
with her left hand she split the breast bone and tore open the ribs, and reached
through the hot bleeding cavity to pull the heart free.
Not
dead yet this, not really. And slippery, glistening like wet grapes. The
faithful crushed against her as she held it up over her head, squeezing it
gently so that the living juice ran down her fingers and into her open mouth.
Yes, this, forever and ever.
"Goddess!
Goddess!"
Azim
was watching her, smiling at her. But she did not look at him. She stared at
the shriveled heart as the last droplets of blood left it. A pulp. She let it
fall. Her hands glowed like living hands, smeared with blood. She could feel it
in her face, the tingling warmth. A tide of memory threatened, a tide of
visions without understanding. She drove it back. This time it wouldn't enslave
her.
She
reached for her black cloak. She felt it enclosing her, as warm, solicitous
human hands brought the soft wool covering up over her hair, over the lower
part of her face. And ignoring the heated cries of her name all around her, she
turned and went out, her limbs accidentally bruising the frenzied worshipers
who stumbled into her path.
So
deliciously cold the courtyard. She bent her head back slightly, breathing a
vagrant wind as it gusted down into the enclosure, where it fanned the pyres
before carrying their bitter smoke away. The moonlight was clear and beautiful
falling on the snow-covered peaks beyond the walls.
She
stood listening to the blood inside her, and marveling in a crazed, despairing
way that it could still refresh her and strengthen her, even now. Sad, grief-stricken,
she looked at the lovely stark wilderness encircling the temple, she looked up
at the loose and billowing clouds. How the blood gave her courage, how it gave
her a momentary belief in the sheer rightness of the universe-fruits of a
ghastly, unforgivable act.
If the
mind can find no meaning, then the senses give it. Live for this, wretched
being that you are.
She
moved towards the nearest pyre and, careful not to singe her clothes, reached
out to let the fire cleanse her hands, burn away the blood, the bits of heart.
The licking flames were nothing to the heat of the blood inside her. When
finally the faintest beginning of pain was there, the faintest signal of
change, she drew back and looked down at her immaculate white skin.
But she
must leave here now. Her thoughts were too full of anger, new resentment.
Marius needed her. Danger. The alarm came again, stronger than ever
before, because the blood made her a more powerful receptor. And it did not
seem to come from one. Rather it was a communal voice, the dim clarion of a
communal knowledge. She was afraid.
She
allowed her mind to empty itself, as tears blurred her vision. She lifted her
hands, just her hands, delicately. And the ascent was begun. Soundlessly,
swiftly, as invisible to mortal eyes, perhaps, as the wind itself.
High
over the temple, her body pierced a soft thin agitated mist. The degree of
light astonished her. Everywhere the shining whiteness. And below the
crenellated landscape of stone peak and blinding glacier descending to a soft
darkness of lower forests and vale. Nestled here and there were clusters of
sparkling lights, the random pattern of villages or towns. She could have gazed
on this forever. Yet within seconds an undulating fleece of cloud had obscured
all of it. And she was with the stars alone.
The
stars-hard, glittering, embracing her as though she were one of their own. But
the stars claimed nothing, really, and no one. She felt terror. Then a
deepening sorrow, not unlike joy, finally. No more struggle. No more grief.
Scanning
the splendid drift of the constellations, she slowed her scent and reached out
with both hands to the west. The sunrise lay nine hours behind her. And so she
commenced her journey away from it, in time with the night on our way to the other
side of the world.
Who are these shades we wait for and believe will come some evening in limousines from Heaven? The rose though it knows is throatless and cannot say. My mortal half laughs. The code and the message are not the same. And what is an angel but a ghost in drag? STAN RICE from "Of Heaven" Body of Work (1983)
He was
a tall, slender young man, with ashen hair and violet eyes. He wore a dirty gray
sweatshirt and jeans, and in the icy wind whipping along Michigan Avenue at
five o'clock, he was cold.
Daniel
Molloy was his name. He was thirty-two, though he looked younger, a perennial
student, not a man, that kind of youthful face. He murmured aloud to himself as
he walked. " Armand, I need you. Armand, that concert is tomorrow night.
And something terrible is going to happen, something terrible..."
He was
hungry. Thirty-six hours had passed since he'd eaten. There was nothing in the
refrigerator of his small dirty hotel room, and besides, he had been locked out
of it this morning because he had not paid the rent. Hard to remember
everything at once.
Then he
remembered the dream that he kept having, the dream that came every time he
closed his eyes, and he didn't want to eat at all.
He saw
the twins in the dream. He saw the roasted body of the woman before them, her
hair singed away, her skin crisped. Her heart lay glistening like a swollen
fruit on the plate beside her. The brain on the other plate looked exactly like
a cooked brain. Armand knew about it, he had to know. It was no ordinary I
dream, this. Something to do with Lestat, definitely. And Armand would come
soon.
God, he
was weak, delirious. Needed something, a drink at least. In his pocket there
was no money, only an old crumpled royalty check for the book Interview with
the Vampire, which he had "written" under a pseudonym over twelve
years ago. Another world, that, when he had been a young reporter, roaming the
bars of the world with his tape recorder, trying to get the flotsam and jetsam
of the night to tell him some truth. Well, one night in San Francisco he had
found a magnificent subject for his investigations. And the light of ordinary
life had suddenly gone out.
Now he
was a ruined thing, walking too fast under the lowering night sky of Chicago in
October. Last Sunday he had been in Paris, and the Friday before that in
Edinburgh. Before Edinburgh, he had been in Stockholm and before that he
couldn't recall. The royalty check had caught up with him in Vienna, but he did
not know how long ago that was.
In all
these places he frightened those he passed. The Vampire Lestat had a good
phrase for it in his autobiography: "One of those tiresome mortals who has
seen spirits..." That's me!
Where
was that book, The Vampire Lestat? Ah, somebody had stolen it off the
park bench this afternoon while Daniel slept. Well, let them have it. Daniel
had stolen it himself, and he'd read it three times already.
But if
only he had it now, he could sell it, maybe get enough for a glass of brandy to
make him warm. And what was his net worth at this moment, this cold and hungry
vagabond that shuffled along Michigan Avenue, hating the wind that chilled him
through his worn and dirty clothes? Ten million? A hundred million? He didn't
know. Armand would know. You want money, Daniel? I'll get it for you. It's
simpler than you think.
A
thousand miles south Armand waited on their private island, the island that
belonged in fact to Daniel alone. And if only he had a quarter now, just a
quarter, he could drop it into a pay phone and tell Armand that he wanted to
come home. Out of the sky, they'd come to get him. They always did. Either the
big plane with the velvet bedroom on it or the smaller one with the low ceiling
and the leather chairs. Would anybody on this street lend him a quarter in
exchange for a plane ride to Miami? Probably not.
Armand,
now I want to be safe with you when Lestat goes on that stage tomorrow night.
Who
would cash this royalty check? No one. It was seven o'clock and the fancy shops
along Michigan Avenue were for the most part closed, and he had no
identification because his wallet had somehow disappeared day before yesterday.
So dismal this glaring gray winter twilight, the sky boiling silently with low
metallic clouds. Even the stores had taken on an uncommon grimness, with their
hard facades of marble or granite, the wealth within gleaming like
archaeological relics under museum glass. He plunged his hands in his pockets
to warm them, and he bowed his head as the wind came with greater fierceness
and the first sting of rain.
He
didn't give a damn about the check, really. He couldn't imagine pressing the
buttons of a phone. Nothing here seemed particularly real to him, not even the
chill. Only the dream seemed real, and the sense of impending disaster, that
the Vampire Lestat had somehow set into motion something that even he could
never control.
Eat
from a garbage can if you have to, sleep somewhere even if it's a park. None of
that matters. But he'd freeze if he lay down again in the open air, and besides
the dream would come back.
It was
coming now every time he closed his eyes. And each time, it was longer, more
full of detail. The red-haired twins were so tenderly beautiful. He did not
want to hear them scream.
The
first night in his hotel room he'd ignored the whole thing. Meaningless. He'd
gone back to reading Lestat's autobiography, and glancing up now and then as
Lestat's rock video films played themselves out on the little black and white
TV that came with that kind of dump.
He'd
been fascinated by Lestat's audacity; yet the masquerade as rock star was so
simple. Searing eyes, powerful yet slender limbs, and a mischievous smile, yes.
But you really couldn't tell. Or could you? He had never laid eyes on Lestat.
But he
was an expert on Armand, wasn't he, he had studied every detail of Armand's
youthful body and face. Ah, what a delirious pleasure it had been to read about
Armand in Lestat's pages, wondering all the while if Lestat's stinging insults
and worshipful analyses had put Armand himself into a rage.
In mute
fascination, Daniel had watched that little clip on MTV portraying Armand as
the coven master of the old vampires beneath the Paris cemetery, presiding over
demonic rituals until the Vampire Lestat, the eighteenth-century iconoclast,
had destroyed the Old Ways.
Armand
must have loathed it, his private history laid bare in flashing images, so much
more crass than Lestat's more thoughtful written history. Armand, whose eyes
scanned perpetually the living beings around him, refusing even to speak of the
undead. But it was impossible that he did not know.
And all
this for the multitudes-like the paperback report of an anthropologist, back
from the inner circle, who sells the tribe's secrets for a slot on the
best-seller list.
So let
the demonic gods war with each other. This mortal has been to the top of the
mountain where they cross swords. And he has come back. He has been turned
away.
The
next night, the dream had returned with the clarity of a hallucination. He knew
that it could not have been invented by him. He had never seen people quite
like that, seen such simple jewelry made of bone and wood.
The
dream had come again three nights later. He'd been watching a Lestat rock video
for the fifteenth time, perhaps-this one about the ancient and immovable
Egyptian Father and Mother of the vampires, Those Who Must Be Kept:
Akasha and Enkil, We are your children, but what do you give us? Is your silence A better gift than truth?
And
then Daniel was dreaming. And the twins were about to begin the feast. They
would share the organs on the earthen plates. One would take the brain, the
other the heart.
He'd awakened
with a sense of urgency, dread. Something terrible going to happen, something
going to happen to all of us... And that was the first time he'd connected it
with Lestat. He had wanted to pick up the phone then. It was four o'clock in
the morning in Miami. Why the hell hadn't he done it? Armand would have been
sitting on the terrace of the villa, watching the tireless fleet of white boats
wend its way back and forth from the Night Island. "Yes, Daniel?"
That sensuous, mesmerizing voice. "Calm down and tell me where you are,
Daniel."
But
Daniel hadn't called. Six months had passed since he had left the Night Island,
and this time it was supposed to be for good. He had once and for all forsworn
the world of carpets and limousines and private planes, of liquor closets
stocked with rare vintages and dressing rooms full of exquisitely cut clothing,
of the quiet overwhelming presence of his immortal lover who gave him every
earthly possession he could want.
But now
it was cold and he had no room and no money, and he was afraid.
You
know where I am, you demon. You know what Lestat's done. And you know I want to
come home.
What
would Armand say to that?
But
I don't know, Daniel. I listen. I try to know. I am not God, Daniel.
Never
mind. Just come, Armand. Come. It's dark and cold in Chicago. And tomorrow
night the Vampire Lestat will sing his songs on a San Francisco stage. And
something bad is going to happen. This mortal knows.
Without
slowing his pace, Daniel reached down under the collar of his sagging sweat
shirt and felt the heavy gold locket he always wore-the amulet, as Armand
called it with his unacknowledged yet irrepressible flair for the
dramatic-which held the tiny vial of Armand's blood.
And if
he had never tasted that cup would he be having this dream, this vision, this
portent of doom?
People
turned to look at him; he was talking to himself again, wasn't he? And the wind
made him sigh loudly. He had the urge for the first time in all these years to
break open the locket and the vial, to feel that blood burn his tongue. Armand,
come!
The
dream had visited him in its most alarming form this noon.
He'd
been sitting on a bench in the little park near the Water Tower Place. A
newspaper had been left there, and when he opened it he saw the advertisement:
"Tomorrow Night: The Vampire Lestat Live on Stage in San Francisco."
The cable would broadcast the concert at ten o'clock Chicago time. How nice for
those who still lived indoors, could pay their rent, and had electricity. He
had wanted to laugh at the whole thing, delight in it, revel in it, Lestat
surprising them all. But the chill had passed through him, becoming a deep
jarring shock.
And
what if Armand does not know? But the record stores on the Night Island must
have The Vampire Lestat in their windows. In the elegant lounges, they
must be playing those haunting and hypnotic songs.
It had
even occurred to Daniel at that moment to go on to California on his own.
Surely he could work some miracle, get his passport from the hotel, go into any
bank with it for identification. Rich, yes so very rich, this poor mortal
boy...
But how
could he think of something so deliberate? The sun had been warm on his face
and shoulders as he'd lain down on the bench. He'd folded the newspaper to make
of it a pillow.
And
there was the dream that had been waiting all the time...
Midday
in the world of the twins: the sun pouring down onto the clearing. Silence,
except for the singing of the birds.
And the
twins kneeling quite still together, in the dust. Such pale women, their eyes
green, their hair long and wavy and coppery red. Fine clothes they wore, white
linen dresses that had come all the way from the markets of Nineveh, bought by
the villagers to honor these powerful witches, whom the spirits obey.
The
funeral feast was ready. The mud bricks of the oven had been torn down and
carried away, and the body lay steaming hot on the stone slab, the yellow
juices running out of it where the crisp skin had broken, a black and naked
thing with only a covering of cooked leaves. It horrified Daniel.
But it
horrified no one present, this spectacle, not the twins or the villagers who
knelt to watch the feast begin.
This
feast was the right and the duty of the twins. This was their mother, the
blackened body on the stone slab. And what was human must remain with the
human. A day and night it may take to consume the feast, but all will keep
watch until it is done.
Now a
current of excitement passes through the crowd around the clearing. One of the
twins lifts the plate on which the brain rests together with the eyes, and the
other nods and takes the plate that holds the heart.
And so
the division has been made. The beat of a drum rises, though Daniel cannot see
the drummer. Slow, rhythmic, brutal.
"Let
the banquet begin."
But the
ghastly cry comes, just as Daniel knew it would. Stop the soldiers. But
he can't. All this has happened somewhere, of that he is now certain. It is no
dream; it is a vision. And he is not there. The soldiers storm the clearing,
the villagers scatter, the twins set down the plates and fling themselves over
the smoking feast. But this is madness.
The
soldiers tear them loose so effortlessly, and as the slab is lifted, the body
falls, breaking into pieces, and the heart and the brain are thrown down into
the dust. The twins scream and scream.
But the
villagers are screaming too, the soldiers are cutting them down as they run.
The dead and the dying litter the mountain paths. The eyes of the mother have
fallen from the plate into the dirt, and they, along with the heart and brain,
are trampled underfoot.
One of
the twins, her arms pulled behind her back, cries to the spirits for vengeance.
And they come, they do. It is a whirlwind. But not enough.
If only
it were over. But Daniel can't wake up.
Stillness.
The air is full of smoke. Nothing stands where these people have lived for
centuries. The mud bricks are scattered, clay pots are broken, all that will
burn has burned. Infants with their throats slit lie naked on the ground as the
flies come. No one will roast these bodies, no one will consume this flesh. It
will pass out of the human race, with all its power and its mystery. The
jackals are already approaching. And the soldiers have gone. Where are the twins!
He hears the twins crying, but he cannot find them. A great storm is rumbling
over the narrow road that twists down through the valley towards the desert.
The spirits make the thunder. The spirits make the rain.
His
eyes opened. Chicago, Michigan Avenue at midday. The dream had gone out like a
light turned off. He sat there shivering, sweating.
A radio
had been playing near him, Lestat singing in that haunting mournful voice of
Those Who Must Be Kept.
Mother and Father. Keep your silence, Keep your secrets, But those of you with tongues, sing my song. Sons and daughters Children of darkness Raise your voices Make a chorus Let heaven hear us Come together, Brother and sisters, Come to me.
He had
gotten up, started walking. Go into the Water Tower Place, so like the Night
Island with its engulfing shops, endless music and lights, shining glass.
And now
it was almost eight o'clock and he had been walking continuously, running from
sleep and from the dream. He was far from any music and light. How long would
it go on next time? Would he find out whether they were alive or dead? My
beauties, my poor beauties...
He
stopped, turning his back to the wind for a moment, listening to the chimes
somewhere, then spotting a dirty clock above a dime store lunch counter; yes,
Lestat had risen on the West Coast. Who is with him? Is Louis there? And the
concert, a little over twenty-four hours. Catastrophe! Armand, please.
The
wind gusted, pushed him back a few steps on the pavement, left him shivering violently.
His hands were frozen. Had he ever been this cold in his life? Doggedly, he
crossed Michigan Avenue with the crowd at the stoplight and stood at the plate
glass windows of the bookstore, where he could see the book, The Vampire
Lestat, on display.
Surely
Armand had read it, devouring every word in that eerie, horrible way he had of
reading, of turning page after page without pause, eyes flashing over the
words, until the book was finished, and then tossing it aside. How could a
creature shimmer with such beauty yet incite such... what was it, revulsion?
No, he had never been revolted by Armand, he had to admit it. What he always
felt was ravening and hopeless desire.
A young
girl inside the warmth of the store picked up a copy of Lestat's book, then
stared at him through the window. His breath made steam on the glass in front
of him. Don't worry, my darling, I am a rich man. I could buy this whole
store full of books and make it a present to you. I am lord and master of my
own island, I am the Devil's minion and he grants my every wish. Want to come
take my arm?
It had
been dark for hours on the Florida coast. The Night Island was already
thronged.
The
shops, restaurants, bars had opened their broad, seamless plate glass doors at
sunset, on five levels of richly carpeted hallway. The silver escalators had
begun their low, churning hum. Daniel closed his eyes and envisioned the walls
of glass rising above the harbor terraces. He could almost hear the great roar
of the dancing fountains, see the long narrow beds of daffodils and tulips
blooming eternally out of season, hear the hypnotic music that beat like a
heart beneath it all.
And
Armand, he was probably roaming the dimly lighted rooms of the villa, steps
away from the tourists and the shoppers, yet utterly cut off by steel doors and
white walls-a sprawling palace of floor-length windows and broad balconies,
perched over white sand. Solitary, yet near to the endless commotion, its vast
living room facing the twinkling lights of the Miami shore.
Or
maybe he had gone through one of the many unmarked doors into the public
galleria itself. "To live and breathe among mortals" as he called it
in this safe and self-contained universe which he and Daniel had made. How
Armand loved the warm breezes of the Gulf, the endless springtime of the Night
Island.
No
lights would go out until dawn.
"Send
someone for me, Armand, I need you! You know you want me to come home."
Of
course it had happened this way over and over again. It did not need strange
dreams, or Lestat to reappear, roaring like Lucifer from tape and film.
Everything
would go all right for months as Daniel felt compelled to move from city to
city, walking the pavements of New York or Chicago or New Orleans. Then the
sudden disintegration. He'd realize he had not moved from his chair in five
hours. Or he'd wake suddenly in a stale and unchanged bed, frightened, unable
to remember the name of the city where he was, or where he'd been for days
before. Then the car would come for him, then the plane would take him home.
Didn't
Armand cause it? Didn't he somehow drive Daniel to these periods of madness?
Didn't he by some evil magic dry up every source of pleasure, every fount of
sustenance until Daniel welcomed the sight of the familiar chauffeur come to
drive him to the airport, the man who was never shocked by Daniel's demeanor,
his unshaven face, his soiled clothes?
When
Daniel finally reached the Night Island, Armand would deny it.
"You
came back to me because you wanted to, Daniel," Armand always said calmly,
face still and radiant, eyes full of love. "There is nothing for you now,
Daniel, except me. You know that. Madness waits out there."
"Same
old dance," Daniel invariably answered. And all that luxury, so intoxicating,
soft beds, music, the wine glass placed in his hand. The rooms were always full
of flowers, the foods he craved came on silver trays.
Armand
lay sprawled in a huge black velvet wing chair gazing at the television,
Ganymede in white pants and white silk shirt, watching the news, the movies,
the tapes he'd made of himself reading poetry, the idiot sitcoms, the dramas,
the musicals, the silent films.
"Come
in, Daniel, sit down. I never expected you back so soon."
"You
son of a bitch," Daniel would say. "You wanted me here, you summoned
me. I couldn't eat, sleep, nothing, just wander and think of you. You did
it."
Armand
would smile, sometimes even laugh. Armand had a rich, beautiful laugh, always
eloquent of gratitude as well as humor. He looked and sounded mortal when he
laughed. "Calm yourself, Daniel. Your heart's racing. It frightens
me." Small crease to the smooth forehead, the voice for a moment deepened
by compassion. "Tell me what you want, Daniel, and I'll get it for you.
Why do you keep running away?"
"Lies,
you bastard. Say that you wanted me. You'll torment me forever, won't you, and
then you'll watch me die, and you'll find that interesting, won't you? It was
true what Louis said. You watch them die, your mortal slaves, they mean nothing
to you. You'll watch the colors change in my face as I die."
"That's
Louis's language," Armand said patiently. "Please don't quote that
book to me. I'd rather die than see you die, Daniel."
"Then
give it to me! Damn you! Immortality that close, as close as your arms."
"No,
Daniel, because I'd rather die than do that, too."
But
even if Armand did not cause this madness that brought Daniel home, surely he
always knew where Daniel was. He could hear Daniel's call. The blood connected
them, it had to-the precious tiny drinks of burning preternatural blood. Never enough to do more than awaken dreams
in Daniel, and the thirst for eternity, to make the flowers in the wallpaper
sing and dance. Whatever, Armand could always find him, of that he had no doubt.
In the
early years, even before the blood exchange, Armand had pursued Daniel with the
cunning of a harpy. There had been no place on earth that Daniel could hide.
Horrifying
yet tantalizing, their beginning in New Orleans, twelve years ago when Daniel
had entered a crumbling old house in the Garden District and known at once that
it was the vampire Lestat's lair.
Ten
days before he'd left San Francisco after his night-long interview with the
vampire Louis, suffering from the final confirmation of the frightening tale he
had been told. In a sudden embrace, Louis had demonstrated his supernatural
power to drain Daniel almost to the point of death. The puncture wounds had
disappeared, but the memory had left Daniel near to madness. Feverish, sometimes
delirious, he had traveled no more than a few hundred miles a day. In cheap
roadside motels, where he forced himself to take nourishment, he had duplicated
the tapes of the interview one by one, sending the copies off to a New York
publisher, so that a book was in the making before he ever stood before
Lestat's gate.
But
that had been secondary, the publication, an event connected with the values of
a dimming and distant world.
He had
to find the vampire Lestat. He had to unearth the immortal who had made Louis,
the one who still survived somewhere in this damp, decadent, and beautiful old
city, waiting perhaps for Daniel to awaken him, to bring him out into the
century that had terrified him and driven him underground.
It was what
Louis wanted, surely. Why else had he given this mortal emissary so many clues
as to where Lestat could be found? Yet some of the details were misleading. Was
this ambivalence on Louis's part? It did not matter, finally. In the public
records, Daniel had found the title to the property, and the street number,
under the unmistakable name: Lestat de Lioncourt.
The
iron gate had not even been locked, and once he'd hacked his way through the
overgrown garden, he had managed easily to break the rusted lock on the front
door.
Only a
small pocket flash helped him as he entered. But the moon had been high,
shining its full white light here and there through the oak branches. He had
seen clearly the rows and rows of books stacked to the ceiling, making up the very
walls of every room. No human could or would have done such a mad and
methodical thing. And then in the upstairs bedroom, he had knelt I down in the
thick dust that covered the rotting carpet and found the gold pocket watch on
which was written the name Lestat. Ah, that chilling moment, that moment when
the pendulum swung away from ever increasing dementia to a new passion-he would
track to the ends of the earth these pale and deadly beings whose existence he
had only glimpsed.
What
had he wanted in those early weeks? Did he hope to possess the splendid secrets
of life itself? Surely he would gain from this knowledge no purpose for an
existence already fraught with disappointment. No, he wanted to be swept away
from everything he had once loved. He longed for Louis's violent and sensuous
world.
Evil. He was no longer afraid.
Maybe
he was like the lost explorer who, pushing through the jungle, suddenly sees
the wall of the fabled temple before him, its carvings overhung with spider
webs and vines; no matter that he may not live to tell his story; he has beheld
the truth with his own eyes.
But if
only he could open the door a little further, see the full magnificence. If
they would only let him in Maybe he just wanted to live forever. Could anyone
fault him for that?
He had
felt good and safe standing alone in the ruin of Lestat's old house, with the
wild roses crawling at the broken window and the four-poster bed a skeleton,
its hangings rotting away.
Near
them, near to their precious darkness, their lovely devouring gloom. How he had loved the hopelessness
of it all, the moldering chairs with their bits of carving, shreds of velvet,
and the slithering things eating the last of the carpet away.
But the
relic; ah, the relic was everything, the gleaming gold watch that bore an
immortal's name!
After a
while, he had opened the armoire; the black frock coats fell to pieces when he
touched them. Withered and curling boots lay on the cedar boards.
But
Lestat, you are here.
He had taken the tape recorder out, set it down, put in the first tape, and let
the voice of Louis rise softly in the shadowy room. Hour by hour, the tapes
played. Then just before dawn he had seen a figure in the hallway, and known
that he was meant to see it. And he had seen the moon strike the boyish face,
the auburn hair. The earth tilted, the darkness came down. The last word he
uttered had been the name Armand.
He
should have died then. Had a whim kept him alive?
He'd
awakened in a dark, damp cellar. Water oozed from the walls. Groping in the
blackness, he'd discovered a bricked-up window, a locked door plated with
steel.
And
what was his comfort, that he had found yet another god of the secret
pantheon-Armand, the oldest of the immortals whom Louis had described, Armand, the
coven master of the nineteenth-century Theater of the Vampires in Paris, who
had confided his terrible secret to Louis: of our origins nothing is known.
For
three days and nights, perhaps, Daniel had lain in this prison. Impossible to
tell. He had been near to dying certainly, the stench of his own urine
sickening him, the insects driving him mad. Yet his was a religious fervor. He
had come ever nearer to the dark pulsing truths that Louis had revealed.
Slipping in and out of consciousness, he dreamed of Louis, Louis talking to him
in that dirty little room in San Francisco, there have always been things
such as we are, always, Louis embracing him, his green eyes darkening
suddenly as he let Daniel see the fang teeth.
The
fourth night, Daniel had awakened and known at once that someone or something
was in the room. The door lay open to a passage. Water was flowing somewhere
fast as if in a deep underground sewer. Slowly his eyes grew accustomed to the
dirty greenish light from the doorway and then he saw the pale white-skinned
figure standing against the wall.
So
immaculate the black suit, the starched white shirt-like the imitation of a
twentieth-century man. And the auburn hair clipped short and the fingernails
gleaming dully even in this semi-darkness. Like a corpse for the coffin-that
sterile, that well prepared.
The
voice had been gentle with a trace of an accent. Not European; something
sharper yet softer at the same time. Arabic or Greek perhaps, that kind of
music. The words were slow and without anger.
"Get
out. Take your tapes with you. They are there beside you. I know of your book.
No one will believe it. Now you will go and take these things."
Then
you won't kill me. And you won't make me one of you either. Desperate, stupid thoughts, but he
couldn't stop them. He had seen the power! No lies, no cunning here. And he'd
felt himself crying, so weakened by fear and hunger, reduced to a child.
"Make
you one of us?" The accent thickened, giving a fine lilt to the words.
"Why would I do that?" Eyes narrowing. "I would not do that to
those whom I find to be despicable, whom I would see burning in hell as a
matter of course. So why should I do it to an innocent fool-like you?"
I
want it. I want to live forever. Daniel had sat up, climbed to his feet slowly, struggling to see
Armand more clearly. A dim bulb burned somewhere far down the hall. I want
to be with Louis and with you.
Laughter,
low, gentle. But contemptuous. "I see why he chose you for his confidant.
You are naive and beautiful. But the beauty could be the only reason, you
know."
Silence.
"Your
eyes are an unusual color, almost violet. And you are strangely defiant and
beseeching in the same breath."
Make
me immortal. Give it to me!
Laughter
again. Almost sad. Then silence, the water rushing fast in that distant
someplace. The room had become visible, a filthy basement hole. And the figure
more nearly mortal. There was even a faint pink tinge to the smooth skin.
"It
was all true, what he told you. But no one will ever believe it. And you will
go mad in time from this knowledge. That's what always happens. But you're not
mad yet."
No.
This is real, it's all happening. You're Armand and we're talking together. And
I'm not mad.
"Yes.
And I find it rather interesting... interesting that you know my name and that
you're alive. I have never told my name to anyone who is alive." Armand
hesitated. "I don't want to kill you. Not just now."
Daniel
had felt the first touch of fear. If you looked closely enough at these beings
you could see what they were. It had been the same with Louis. No, they weren't
living. They were ghastly imitations of the living. And this one, the gleaming
manikin of a young boy!
"I
am going to let you leave here," Armand had said. So politely, softly.
"I want to follow you, watch you, see where you go. As long as I find you
interesting, I won't kill you. And of course, I may lose interest altogether
and not bother to kill you.
That's
always possible. You have hope in that. And maybe with luck I'll lose track of
you. I have my limitations, of course. You have the world to roam, and you can
move by day. Go now. Start running. I want to see what you do, I want to know
what you are."
Go now,
start running!
He'd
been on the morning plane to Lisbon, clutching Lestat's gold watch in his hand.
Yet two nights later in Madrid, he'd turned to find Armand seated on a city bus
beside him no more than inches away. A week later in Vienna he'd looked out the
window of a Café to see Armand watching him from the street. In Berlin, Armand
slipped into a taxi beside him, and sat there staring at him, until finally
Daniel had leapt out in the thick of the traffic and run away.
Within
months, however, these shattering silent confrontations had given way to more
vigorous assaults.
He woke
in a hotel room in Prague to find Armand standing over him, crazed, violent.
"Talk to me now! I demand it. Wake up. I want you to walk with me, show me
things in this city. Why did you come to this particular place?"
Riding
on a train through Switzerland, he looked up suddenly to see Armand directly
opposite watching him over the upturned cover of his fur-lined coat. Armand
snatched the book out of his hand and insisted that he explain what it was, why
he read it, what did the picture on the cover mean?
In
Paris Armand pursued him nightly through the boulevards and the back streets,
only now and then questioning him on the places he went, the things he did. In
Venice, he'd looked out of his room at the Daniel, to see Armand staring from a
window across the way.
Then
weeks passed without a visitation. Daniel vacillated between terror and strange
expectation, doubting his very sanity again. But there was Armand waiting for
him in the New York airport. And the following night in Boston, Armand was in
the dining room of the Copley when Daniel came in. Daniel's dinner was already
ordered. Please sit down. Did Daniel know that Interview with the Vampire was
in the bookstores?
"I
must confess I enjoy this small measure of notoriety," Armand had said
with exquisite politeness and a vicious smile. "What puzzles me is that
you do not want notoriety! You did not list yourself as the 'author,' which
means that you are either very modest or a coward. Either explanation would be
very dull."
"I'm
not hungry, let's get out of here," Daniel had answered weakly. Yet
suddenly dish after dish was being placed on the table; everyone was staring.
"I
didn't know what you wanted," Armand confided, the smile becoming absolutely
ecstatic. "So I ordered everything that they had."
"You
think you can drive me crazy, don't you?" Daniel had snarled. "Well,
you can't. Let me tell you. Every time I lay eyes on you, I realize that I
didn't invent you, and that I'm sane!" And he had started eating, lustily,
furiously-a little fish, a little beef, a little veal, a little sweetbreads, a
little cheese, a little everything, put it all together, what did he care, and
Armand had been so delighted, laughing and laughing like a schoolboy as he sat
watching, with folded arms. It was the first time Daniel had ever heard that
soft, silky laughter. So seductive. He got drunk as fast as he could.
The
meetings grew longer and longer. Conversations, sparring matches, and downright
fights became the rule. Once Armand had dragged Daniel out of bed in New
Orleans and shouted at him: "That telephone, I want you to dial Paris, I
want to see if it can really talk to Paris."
"Goddamn
it, do it yourself," Daniel had roared. "You're five hundred years old
and you can't use a telephone? Read the directions. What are you, an immortal
idiot? I will do no such thing!"
How
surprised Armand had looked.
"All
right, I'll call Paris for you. But you pay the bill."
"But
of course," Armand had said innocently. He had drawn dozens of
hundred-dollar bills out of his coat, sprinkling them on Daniel's bed.
More
and more they argued philosophy at these meetings. Pulling Daniel out of a
theater in Rome, Armand had asked what did Daniel really think that death was?
People who were still living knew things like that! Did Daniel know what Armand
truly feared?
As it
was past midnight and Daniel was drunk and exhausted and had been sound asleep
in the theater before Armand found him, he did not care.
"I'll
tell you what I fear," Armand had said, intense as any young student.
"That it's chaos after you die, that it's a dream from which you can't
wake. Imagine drifting half in and out of consciousness, trying vainly to
remember who you are or what you were. Imagine straining forever for the lost
clarity of the living."
It had
frightened Daniel. Something about it rang true. Weren't there tales of mediums
conversing with incoherent yet powerful presences? He didn't know. How in hell
could he know? Maybe when you died there was flat out nothing. That terrified
Armand, no effort expended to conceal the misery.
"You
don't think it terrifies me?" Daniel had asked, staring at the white-faced
figure beside him. "How many years do I have? Can you tell just by looking
at me? Tell me."
When
Armand woke him up in Port-au-Prince, it was war he wanted to talk about. What
did men in this century actually think of war? Did Daniel know that Armand had
been a boy when this had begun for him? Seventeen years old, and in those times
that was young, very young. Seventeen-year-old boys in the twentieth century
were virtual monsters; they had beards, hair on their chests, and yet they were
children. Not then. Yet children worked as if they were men.
But let
us not get sidetracked. The point was, Armand didn't know what men felt. He
never had. Oh, of course he'd known the pleasures of the flesh, that was par
for the course. Nobody then thought children were innocent of sensuous
pleasures. But of true aggression he knew little. He killed because it was his
nature as a vampire; and the blood was irresistible. But why did men find war
irresistible? What was the desire to clash violently against the will of
another with weapons? What was the physical need to destroy?
At such
times, Daniel did his best to answer: for some men it was the need to affirm
one's own existence through the annihilation of another. Surely Armand knew
these things.
"Know?
Know? What does that matter if you don't understand," Armand had asked, his
accent unusually sharp in his agitation, "if you cannot proceed from one
perception to another? Don't you see, this is what I cannot do."
When he
found Daniel in Frankfurt, it was the nature of history, the impossibility of
writing any coherent explanation of events that was not in itself a lie. The
impossibility of truth being served by generalities, and the impossibility of
learning proceeding without them.
Now and
then these meetings had not been entirely selfish. In a country inn in England
Daniel woke to the sound of Armand's voice warning him to leave the building at
once. A fire destroyed the inn in less than an hour.
Another
time he had been in jail in New York, picked up for drunkenness and vagrancy
when Armand appeared to bail him out, looking all too human as he always did
after he had fed, a young lawyer in a tweed coat and flannel pants, escorting
Daniel to a room in the Carlyle, where he left him to sleep it off with a
suitcase full of new clothes waiting, and a wallet full of money hidden in a
pocket.
Finally,
after a year and a half of this madness, Daniel began to question Armand. What
had it really been like in those days in Venice? Look at this film, set in the
eighteenth century, tell me what is wrong.
But
Armand was remarkably unresponsive. "I cannot tell you those things
because I have no experience of them. You see, I have so little ability to
synthesize knowledge; I deal in the immediate with a cool intensity. What was
it like in Paris? Ask me if it rained on the night of Saturday, June 5, 1793.
Perhaps I could tell you I that."
Yet at
other moments, he spoke in rapid bursts of the things around him, of the eerie
garish cleanliness of this era, of the horrid acceleration of change.
"Behold,
earthshaking inventions which are useless or obsolete within the same
century-the steamboat, the railroads; yet do you know what these meant after
six thousand years of galley slaves and men on horseback? And now the dance
hall girl buys a chemical to kill the seed of her lovers, and lives to be
seventy-five in a room full of gadgets which cool the air and veritably eat the
dust. And yet for all the costume movies and the paperback history thrown at
you in every drugstore, the public has no accurate memory of anything; every
social problem is observed in relation to 'norms' which in fact never existed,
people fancy themselves 'deprived' of luxuries and peace and quiet which in
fact were never common to any people anywhere at all."
"But
the Venice of your time, tell me..."
"What?
That it was dirty? That it was beautiful? That people went about in rags with
rotting teeth and stinking breath and laughed at public executions? You want to
know the key difference? There is a horrifying loneliness at work in this time.
No, listen to me. We lived six and seven to a room in those days, when I was
still among the living. The city streets were seas of humanity; and now in
these high buildings dim-witted souls hover in luxurious privacy, gazing
through the television window at a faraway world of kissing and touching. It is
bound to produce some great fund of common knowledge, some new level of human
awareness, a curious skepticism, to be so alone."
Daniel
found himself fascinated, sometimes trying to write down the things Armand told
him. Yet Armand continued to frighten him. Daniel was ever on the move.
He
wasn't quite sure how long it had gone on before he stopped running, though the
night itself was quite impossible to forget.
Maybe
four years had passed since the game had begun. Daniel had spent a long quiet
summer in southern Italy during which he had not seen his demon familiar even
once.
In a
cheap hotel only a half block from the ruins of ancient Pompeii, he had spent
his hours reading, writing, trying to define what his glimpse of the
supernatural had done to him, and how he must learn again to want, to envision,
to dream. Immortality on this earth was indeed possible. This he knew without
question, but what did it matter if immortality was not Daniel's to have?
By day
he walked the broken streets of the excavated Roman city. And when the moon was
full he wandered there, alone, by night as well. It seemed sanity had come back
to him. And life might soon come back too. Green leaves smelled fresh when he
crushed them in his fingers. He looked up at the stars and did not feel
resentful so much as sad.
Yet at
other times, he burned for Armand as if for an elixir without which he could
not go on. The dark energy that had fired him for four years was now missing. He
dreamed Armand was near him; he awoke weeping stupidly. Then the morning would
come and he would be sad but calm.
Then
Armand had returned.
It was
late, perhaps ten o'clock in the evening, and the sky, as it is so often in
southern Italy, was a brilliant dark blue overhead. Daniel had been walking
alone down the long road that leads from Pompeii proper to the Villa of the
Mysteries, hoping no guards would come to drive him away.
As soon
as he'd reached the ancient house, a stillness had descended. No guards here.
No one living. Only the sudden silent appearance of Armand before the entrance.
Armand again.
He'd
come silently out of the shadows into the moonlight, a young boy in dirty jeans
and worn denim jacket, and he had slipped his arm around Daniel and gently
kissed Daniel's face. Such warm skin, full of the fresh blood of the kill.
Daniel fancied he could smell it, the perfume of the living clinging to Armand
still.
"You
want to come into this house?" Armand had whispered. No locks ever kept
Armand from anything. Daniel had been trembling, on the edge of tears. And why
was that? So glad to see him, touch him, ah, damn him!
They
had entered the dark, low-ceilinged rooms, the press of Armand's arm against
Daniel's back oddly comforting. Ah, yes, this intimacy, because that's what it
is, isn't it? You, my secret...
Secret
lover.
Yes.
Then
the realization had come to Daniel as they stood together in the ruined dining
room with its famous murals of ritual flagellation barely visible in the dark:
He isn't going to kill me after all. He isn't going to do it. Of course he
won't make me what he is, but he isn't going to kill me. The dance will not end
like that.
"But
how could you not know such a thing," Armand had said, reading his
thoughts. "I love you. If I hadn't grown to love you, I would have killed
you before now, of course."
The
moonlight poured through the wooden lattices. The lush figures of the murals
came to life against their red backdrop, the color of dried blood.
Daniel
stared hard at the creature before him, this thing that looked human and
sounded human but was not. There was a horrid shift in his consciousness; he
saw this being like a great insect, a monstrous evil predator who had devoured
a million human lives. And yet he loved this thing. He loved its smooth white
skin, its great dark brown eyes. He loved it not because it looked like a
gentle, thoughtful young man, but because it was ghastly and awful and
loathsome, and beautiful all at the same time. He loved it the way people love
evil, because it thrills them to the core of their souls. Imagine, killing like
that, just taking life any time you want it, just doing it, sinking your teeth
into another and taking all that that person can possibly give.
Look at
the garments he wore. Blue cotton shirt, brass-buttoned denim jacket. Where had
he gotten them? Off a victim, yes, like taking out his knife and skinning the
kill while it was still warm? No wonder they reeked of salt and blood, though
none was visible. And the hair trimmed just as if it weren't going to grow out
within twenty-four hours to its regular shoulder length. This is evil. This is
illusion. This is what I want to be, which is why I cannot stand to look at
him.
Armand's
lips had moved in a soft, slightly concealed smile. And then his eyes had
misted and closed. He had bent close to Daniel, pressed his lips to Daniel's
neck.
And
once again, as he had in a little room on Divisadero Street in San Francisco with
the vampire Louis, Daniel felt the sharp teeth pierce the surface of his skin.
Sudden pain and throbbing warmth. "Are you killing me finally?" He
grew drowsy, on fire, filled with love. "Do it, yes."
But
Armand had taken only a few droplets. He'd released Daniel and pressed gently
on his shoulders, forcing Daniel down to his knees. Daniel had looked up to see
the blood flowing from Armand's wrist. Great electric shocks had passed through
Daniel at the taste of that blood. It had seemed in a flash that the city of
Pompeii was full of a whispering, a crying, some vague and pulsing imprint of
long-ago suffering and death. Thousands perishing in smoke and ash. Thousands
dying together. Together. Daniel had clung to Armand. But the blood was
gone. Only a taste-no more.
"You
are mine, beautiful boy," Armand had said.
The
following morning when he awoke in bed at the Excelsior in Rome, Daniel knew
that he would not run away from Armand ever again. Less than an hour after
sunset, Armand came to him. They would go to London now, the car was waiting to
take them to the plane. But there was time enough, wasn't there, for another
embrace, another small exchange of blood. "Here from my throat,"
Armand had whispered, cradling Daniel's head in his hand. A fine soundless
throbbing. The light of the lamps expanded, brightened, obliterated the room.
Lovers. Yes, it had become an ecstatic
and engulfing affair.
"You
are my teacher," Armand told him. "You will tell me everything about
this century. I am learning secrets already that have eluded me since the
beginning. You'll sleep when the sun rises, if you wish, but the nights are
mine."
Into
the very midst of life they plunged. At pretense Armand was a genius, and
killing early on any given evening, he passed for human everywhere that they
went. His skin was burning hot in those early hours, his face full of
passionate curiosity, his embraces feverish and quick.
It
would have taken another immortal to keep up with him. Daniel nodded off at
symphonies and operas or during the hundreds upon hundreds of films that Armand
dragged him to see. Then there were the endless parties, the cluttered noisy
gatherings from Chelsea to Mayfair where Armand argued politics and philosophy
with students, or women of fashion, or anyone who would give him the slightest
chance. His eyes grew moist with excitement, his voice lost its soft
preternatural resonance and took on the hard human accent of the other young
men in the room.
Clothes
of all kinds fascinated him, not for their beauty but for what he thought they
meant. He wore jeans and sweatshirts like Daniel; he wore cable-knit sweaters
and workmen's brogans, leather windbreakers, and mirrored sunglasses pushed up
on his head. He wore tailored suits, and dinner jackets, and white tie and tails
when the fancy suited him; his hair was cut short one night so he looked like
any young man down from Cambridge, and left curly and long, an angel's mane,
the next.
It
seemed that he and Daniel were always walking up four unlighted flights of
stairs to visit some painter, sculptor, or photographer, or to see some special
never-released yet revolutionary film. They spent hours in the cold-water flats
of dark-eyed young women who played rock music and made herbal tea which Armand
never drank.
Men and
women fell in love with Armand, of course, "so innocent, so passionate, so
brilliant!" You don't say. In fact, Armand's power to seduce was almost
beyond his control. And it was Daniel who must bed these unfortunates, if
Armand could possibly arrange it, while he watched from a chair nearby, a
dark-eyed Cupid with a tender approving smile. Hot, nerve-searing, this
witnessed passion, Daniel working the other body with ever greater abandon,
aroused by the dual purpose of every intimate gesture. Yet he lay empty
afterwards, staring at Armand, resentful, cold.
In New
York they went tearing to museum openings, Cafés, bars, adopted a young dancer,
paying all his bills through school. They sat on the stoops in Soho and
Greenwich Village whiling the hours away with anybody who would stop to join
them. They went to night classes in literature, philosophy, art history, and
politics. They studied biology, bought microscopes, collected specimens. They
studied books on astronomy and mounted giant telescopes on the roofs of the
buildings in which they lived for a few days or a month at most. They went to
boxing matches, rock concerts, Broadway shows.
Technological
inventions began to obsess Armand, one after the other. First it was kitchen
blenders, in which he made frightful concoctions mostly based on the colors of
the ingredients; then microwave ovens, in which he cooked roaches and rats.
Garbage disposers enchanted him; he fed them paper towels and whole packages of
cigarettes. Then it was telephones. He called long distance all over the
planet, speaking for hours with "mortals" in Australia or India.
Finally television caught him up utterly, so that the flat was full of blaring
speakers and flickering screens.
Anything
with blue skies enthralled him. Then he must watch news programs, prime time
series, documentaries, and finally every film, regardless of merit, ever taped.
At last
particular movies struck his fancy. Over and over he watched Ridley Scott's Blade
Runner, fascinated by Rutger Hauer, the powerfully built actor who, as the
leader of the rebel androids, confronts his human maker, kisses him, and then
crushes his skull. It would bring a slow and almost impish laugh from Armand,
the bones cracking, the look in Hauer's ice-cold blue eye.
"That's
your friend, Lestat, there," Armand whispered once to Daniel. "Lestat
would have the... how do you say?...guts?...to do that!"
After Blade
Runner it was the idiotic and hilarious Time Bandits, a British
comedy in which five dwarfs steal a "Map of Creation" so they can
travel through the holes in Time. Into one century after another they tumble,
thieving and brawling, along with a little boy companion, until they all wind
up in the devil's lair.
Then
one scene in particular became Armand's favorite: the dwarfs on a broken-down
stage in Castelleone singing "Me and My Shadow" for Napoleon really
sent Armand out of his mind. He lost all supernatural composure and became
utterly human, laughing till the tears rose in his eyes.
Daniel
had to admit there was a horrible charm to it, the "Me and My Shadow"
number, with the dwarfs stumbling, fighting with each other, finally lousing up
the whole proceedings, and the dazed eighteenth-century musicians in the pit
not knowing what to make of the twentieth-century song. Napoleon was stupefied,
then delighted! A stroke of comic genius, the entire scene. But how many times
could a mortal watch it? For Armand there seemed no end.
Yet
within six months he had dropped the movies for video cameras and must make his
own films. All over New York he dragged Daniel, as he interviewed people on the
nighttime streets. Armand had reels of himself reciting poetry in Italian or
Latin, or merely staring with his arms folded, a gleaming white presence
slipping in and out of focus in eternally dim bronze light.
Then
somewhere, somehow, in a place unbeknownst to Daniel, Armand made a long tape
of himself lying in the coffin during his daytime deathlike sleep. Daniel found
this impossible to look at. Armand sat before the slow-moving film for hours,
watching his own hair, cut at sunrise, slowly growing against the satin as he
lay motionless with closed eyes.
Next it
was computers. He was filling disk after disk with his secret writings. He
rented additional apartments in Manhattan to house his word processors and
video game machines.
Finally
he turned to planes.
Daniel
had always been a compulsive traveler, he had fled Armand to cities worldwide,
and certainly he and Armand had taken planes together. Nothing new in that. But
now it was a concentrated exploration; they must spend the entire night in the
air. Flying to Boston, then Washington, then to Chicago, then back to New York
City, was not unusual. Armand observed everything, passengers, stewardesses; he
spoke with the pilots; he lay back in the deep first-class seats listening to
the engines roar. Double-decker jets particularly enchanted him. He must try
longer, more daring adventures: all the way to Port-au-Prince or San Francisco,
or Rome, or Madrid or Lisbon, it didn't matter, as long as Armand was safely
landed by dawn.
Armand
virtually disappeared at dawn. Daniel was never to know where Armand actually
slept. But then Daniel was dead on his feet by daybreak anyway. Daniel didn't
see high noon for five years.
Often
Armand had been in the room some time before Daniel awakened. The coffee would
be perking, the music going- Vivaldi or honky-tonk piano, as Armand loved both
equally- and Armand would be pacing, ready for Daniel to get up.
"Come,
lover, we're going to the ballet tonight. I want to see Baryshnikov. And after
that, down to the Village. You remember that jazz band I loved last summer,
well, they've come back. Come on, I'm hungry, my beloved. We must go."
And if
Daniel was sluggish, Armand would push him into the shower, soap him all over,
rinse him off, drag him out, dry him thoroughly, then shave his face as
lovingly as an old-fashioned barber, and finally dress him after carefully
selecting from Daniel's wardrobe of dirty and neglected clothes.
Daniel
loved the feel of the hard gleaming white hands moving over his naked flesh,
rather like satin gloves. And the brown eyes that seemed to draw Daniel out of
himself; ah, the delicious disorientation, the certainty that he was being
carried downwards, out of all things physical, and finally the hands closing on
his throat gently, and the teeth breaking through the skin.
He
closed his eyes, his body heating slowly, only to burn truly when Armand's blood
touched his lips. He heard the distant sighs again, the crying, was it of lost
souls? It seemed a great luminous continuity was there, as if all his dreams
were suddenly connected and vitally important, yet it was all slipping away...
Once
he'd reached out, held Armand with all his strength, and tried to gash the skin
of his throat. Armand had been so patient, making the tear for him, and letting
him close his mouth on it for the longest time-yes, this-then guiding him
gently away.
Daniel
was past all decision. Daniel lived only in two alternating states: misery and
ecstasy, united by love. He never knew when he'd be given the blood. He never
knew if things looked different because of it-the carnations staring at him
from their vases, skyscrapers hideously visible like plants sprung up from
steel seeds overnight-or because he was just going out of his mind.
Then
had come the night when Armand said he was ready to enter this century in
earnest, he understood enough about it now. He wanted "incalculable"
wealth. He wanted a vast dwelling full of all those things he'd come to value.
And yachts, planes, cars- millions of dollars. He wanted to buy Daniel
everything that Daniel might ever desire.
"What
do you mean, millions!" Daniel had scoffed. "You throw your clothes
away after you wear them, you rent apartments and forget where they are. Do you
know what a zip code is, or a tax bracket? I'm the one who buys all the
goddamned airline tickets. Millions. How are we going to get millions! Steal
another Maserati and be done with it, for God's sakes!"
"Daniel,
you are a gift to me from Louis," Armand had said tenderly. "What
would I do without you? You misunderstand everything." His eyes were
large, childlike. "I want to be in the vital center of things the way I
was years ago in Paris in the Theater of the Vampires. Surely you remember. I
want to be a canker in the very eye of the world."
Daniel
had been dazzled by the speed with which things happened.
It had
begun with a treasure find in the waters off Jamaica, Armand chartering a boat
to show Daniel where salvage operations must begin. Within days a sunken
Spanish galleon loaded with bullion and jewels had been discovered. Next it was
an archaeological find of priceless Olmec figurines. Two more sunken ships were
pinpointed in rapid succession. A cheap piece of South American property
yielded a long forgotten emerald mine.
They
purchased a mansion in Florida, yachts, speedboats, a small but exquisitely
appointed jet plane. And now they must be outfitted like princes for all
occasions. Armand himself supervised the measurements for Daniel's custom-made
shirts, suits, shoes. He chose the fabrics for an endless parade of sports
coats, pants, robes, silk foulards. Of course Daniel must have for colder
climes mink-lined raincoats, and dinner jackets for Monte Carlo, and jeweled
cuff links, and even a long black
suede cloak, which Daniel with his "twentieth-century height" could
carry off quite well.
At
sunset when Daniel awoke, his clothes had already been laid out for him. Heaven
help him if he were to change a single item, from the linen handkerchief to the
black silk socks. Supper awaited in the immense dining room with its windows
open to the pool. Armand was already at his desk in the adjoining study. There was
work to do: maps to consult, more wealth to be acquired.
"But
how do you do it!" Daniel had demanded, as he watched Armand making notes,
writing directions for new acquisitions.
"If
you can read the minds of men, you can have anything that you want,"
Armand had said patiently. Ah, that soft reasonable voice, that open and almost
trusting boyish face, the auburn hair always slipping into the eye a bit
carelessly, the body so suggestive of human serenity, of physical ease.
"Give
me what I want," Daniel had demanded.
"I'm
giving you everything you could ever ask for."
"Yes,
but not what I have asked for, not what I want!"
"Be
alive, Daniel." A low whisper, like a kiss. "Let me tell you from my
heart that life is better than death."
"I
don't want to be alive, Armand, I want to live forever, and then I will tell
you whether life is better than death."
The
fact was, the riches were maddening him, making him feel his mortality more
keenly than ever before. Sailing the warm Gulf Stream with Armand under a clear
night sky, sprinkled with countless stars, he was desperate to possess all of
this forever. With hatred and love he watched Armand effortlessly steering the
vessel. Would Armand really let him die?
The
game of acquisition continued.
Picassos,
Degas, Van Goghs, these were but a few of the stolen paintings Armand recovered
without explanation and handed over to Daniel for resales or rewards. Of course
the recent owners would not dare to come forward, if in fact they had survived
Armand's silent nocturnal visit to the sanctums where these stolen treasures
had been displayed. Sometimes no clear title to the work in question existed.
At auction, they brought millions. But even this was not enough.
Pearls,
rubies, emeralds, diamond tiaras, these he brought to Daniel. "Never mind,
they were stolen, no one will claim them." And from the savage narcotics
traders off the Miami coast, Armand stole anything and everything, guns,
suitcases full of money, even their boats.
Daniel
stared at the piles and piles of green bills, as the secretaries counted them
and wrapped them for coded accounts in European banks.
Often
Daniel watched Armand go out alone to hunt the warm southern waters, a youth in
soft black silk shirt and black pants, manning a sleek unlighted speedboat, the
wind whipping his uncut long hair. Such a deadly foe. Somewhere far out there,
beyond sight of land, he finds his smugglers and he strikes-the lone pirate,
death. Are the victims dropped into the deep, hair billowing perhaps for one
moment while the moon can still illuminate them as they look up for a last
glimpse at what has been their ruin? This boy! They thought they were the evil
ones...
"Would
you let me go with you? Would you let me see it when you do it?"
"No."
Finally
enough capital had been amassed; Armand was ready for real action.
He
ordered Daniel to make purchases without counsel or hesitation: a fleet of
cruise ships, a chain of restaurants and hotels. Four private planes were now
at their disposal. Armand had eight phones.
And
then came the final dream: the Night Island, Armand's own personal creation
with its five dazzling glass stories of theaters, restaurants, and shops. He
drew the pictures for the architects he'd chosen. He gave them endless lists of
the materials he wanted, the fabrics, the sculptures for the fountains, even
the flowers, the potted trees.
Behold,
the Night Island. From sunset till dawn, the tourists mobbed it, as boat after
boat brought them out from the Miami docks. The music played eternally in the
lounges, on the dance floors. The glass elevators never stopped their climb to
heaven; ponds, streams, waterfalls glittered amid banks of moist, fragile
blooms.
You
could buy anything on the Night Island-diamonds, a Coca-Cola, books, pianos,
parrots, designer fashions, porcelain dolls. All the fine cuisines of the world
awaited you. Five films played nightly in the cinemas. Here was English tweed
and Spanish leather, Indian silk, Chinese carpets, sterling silver, ice-cream
cones or cotton candy, bone china, and Italian shoes.
Or you
could live adjacent to it, in secret luxury, slipping in and out of the whirl
at will.
"All
this is yours, Daniel," Armand said, moving slowly through the spacious
airy rooms of their very own Villa of the Mysteries, which covered three
stories-and cellars, to Daniel-windows open to the distant burning nightscape
of Miami, to the dim high clouds rolling above.
Gorgeous
the skilled mixture of old and new. Elevator doors rolling back on broad
rectangular rooms full of medieval tapestries and antique chandeliers; giant
television sets in every room. Renaissance paintings filled Daniel's suite,
where Persian rugs covered the parquet. The finest of the Venetian school
surrounded Armand in his white carpeted study full of shining computers,
intercoms, and monitors. The books, magazines, newspapers came from all over
the world.
"This
is your home, Daniel."
And so
it had been and Daniel had loved it, he had to admit that, and what he had
loved even more was the freedom, the power, and the luxury that attended him
everywhere that he went.
He and
Armand had gone into the depths of the Central American jungles by night to see
the Mayan ruins; they had gone up the flank of Annapurna to glimpse the distant
summit under the light of the moon. Through the crowded streets of Tokyo they
had wandered together, through Bangkok and Cairo and Damascus, through Lima and
Rio and Kathmandu. By day Daniel wallowed in comfort at the best of the local
hostelries; by night he wandered fearless with Armand at his side.
Now and
then, however, the illusion of civilized life would break down. Sometimes in
some far-flung place, Armand sensed the presence of other immortals. He explained
that he had thrown his shield around Daniel, yet it worried him. Daniel must
stay at his side.
"Make
me what you are and worry no more."
"You
don't know what you're saying," Armand had answered. "Now you're one
of a billion faceless humans. If you were one of us, you'd be a candle burning
in the dark."
Daniel
wouldn't accept it.
"They
would spot you without fail," Armand continued. He had become angry,
though not at Daniel. The fact was he disliked any talk at all of the undead.
"Don't you know the old ones destroy the young ones out of hand?"
he'd asked. "Didn't your beloved Louis explain that to you? It's what I do
everywhere that we settle-I clean them out, the young ones, the vermin. But I
am not invincible." He'd paused as though debating whether or not he
should continue. Then: "I'm like any beast on the prowl. I have enemies
who are older and stronger who would try to destroy me if it interested them to
do so, I am sure."
"Older
than you are? But I thought you were the oldest," Daniel had said. It had
been years since they'd spoken of Interview with the Vampire. They had,
in fact, never discussed its contents in detail.
"No,
of course I'm not the oldest," Armand had answered. He seemed slightly
uneasy. "Merely the oldest your friend Louis was ever to find. There are
others. I don't know their names, I've seldom seen their faces. But at times, I
feel them. You might say that we feel each other. We send our silent yet
powerful signals. 'Keep away from me.' "
The following
night, he'd given Daniel the locket, the amulet as he called it, to wear. He'd
kissed it first and rubbed it in his hands as if to warm it. Strange to witness
this ritual. Stranger still to see the thing itself with the letter A carved on
it, and inside the tiny vial of Armand's blood.
"Here,
snap the clasp if they come near you. Break the vial instantly. And they will
feel the power that protects you. They will not dare-"
"Ah,
you'll let them kill me. You know you will," Daniel had said coldly. Shut
out. "Give me the power to fight for myself."
But he
had worn the locket ever since. Under the lamp, he'd examined the A and the
intricate carvings all over the thing to find they were tiny twisted human
figures, some mutilated, others writhing as if in agony, some dead. Horrid
thing actually. He had dropped the chain down into his shirt, and it was cold
against his naked chest, but out of sight.
Yet
Daniel was never to see or sense the presence of another supernatural being. He
remembered Louis as if he'd been a hallucination, something known in a fever.
Armand was Daniel's single oracle, his merciless and all-loving demonic god.
More
and more his bitterness increased. Life with Armand inflamed him, maddened him.
It had been years since Daniel had even thought of his family, of the friends
he used to know. Checks went out to kin, of that he'd made certain, but they
were just names now on a list.
"You'll
never die, and yet you look at me and you watch me die, night after night, you
watch it."
Ugly fights,
terrible fights, finally, Armand broken down, glassy-eyed with silent rage,
then crying softly but uncontrollably as if some lost emotion had been
rediscovered which threatened to tear him apart. "I will not do it, I
cannot do it. Ask me to kill you, it would be easier than that. You don't know
what you ask for, don't you see? It is always a damnable error! Don't you
realize that any one of us would give it up for one human lifetime?"
"Give
up immortality, just to live one life? I don't believe you. This is the first
time you have told me an out-and-out lie."
"How
dare you!"
"Don't
hit me. You might kill me. You're very strong."
"I'd
give it up. If I weren't a coward when it gets right down to it, if I weren't
after five hundred greedy years in this whirlwind still terrified to the marrow
of my bones of death."
"No,
you wouldn't. Fear has nothing to do with it. Imagine one lifetime back then
when you were born. And all this lost? The future in which you know power and
luxury of which Genghis Khan never dreamed? But forget the technical miracles.
Would you settle for ignorance of the world's destiny? Ah, don't tell me you
would."
No
resolution in words was ever reached. It would end with the embrace, the kiss,
the blood stinging him, the shroud of dreams closing over him like a great net,
hunger! I love you! Give me more! Yes, more. But never enough.
It was
useless.
What
had these transfusions done to his body and soul? Made him see the descent of the
falling leaf in greater detail? Armand was not going to give it to him!
Armand
would see Daniel leave time and again, and drift off into the terrors of the
everyday world, risk that, rather than do it. There was nothing Daniel could
do, nothing he could give.
And the
wandering started, the escaping, and Armand did not follow him. Armand would
wait each time until Daniel begged to come back. Or until Daniel was beyond
calling, until Daniel was on the verge of death itself. And then and only then,
Armand would bring him back.
The
rain hit the wide pavements of Michigan Avenue. The bookstore was empty, the
lights had gone out. Somewhere a clock had struck the hour of nine. He stood
against the glass watching the traffic stream past in front of him. Nowhere to
go. Drink the tiny drop of blood inside the locket. Why not?
And
Lestat in California, on the prowl already, perhaps stalking a victim even now.
And they were preparing the hall for the concert, weren't they? Mortal men
rigging up lights, microphones, concession stands, oblivious to the secret
codes being given, the sinister audience that would conceal itself in the great
indifferent and inevitably hysterical human throng. Ah, maybe Daniel had made a
horrible miscalculation. Maybe Armand was there!
At
first it seemed an impossibility, then a certainty. Why hadn't Daniel realized
this before?
Surely
Armand had gone! If there was any truth at all in what Lestat had written,
Armand would go for a reckoning, to witness, to search perhaps for those he'd lost
over the centuries now drawn to Lestat by the same call.
And
what would a mortal lover matter then, a human who'd been no more than a toy
for a decade? No. Armand had gone on without him. And this time there would be
no rescue.
He felt
cold, small, as he stood there. He felt miserably alone. It didn't matter, his
premonitions, how the dream of the twins descended upon him and then left him
with foreboding. These were things that were passing him by like great black
wings. You could feel the indifferent wind as they swept over. Armand had
proceeded without him towards a destiny that Daniel would never fully
understand.
It
filled him with horror, with sadness. Gates locked. The anxiety aroused by the
dream mingled with a dull sickening fear. He had come to the end of the line.
What would he do? Wearily, he envisioned the Night Island locked against him.
He saw the villa behind its white walls, high above the beach, impossible to
reach. He imagined his past gone, along with his future. Death was the understanding
of the immediate present: that there is finally nothing else.
He
walked on a few steps; his hands were numb. The rain had drenched his
sweatshirt. He wanted to lie down on the very pavement and let the twins come
again. And Lestat's phrases ran through his head. The Dark Trick he called the
moment of rebirth. The Savage Garden he called the world that could embrace
such exquisite monsters, ah, yes.
But let
me be a lover in the Savage Garden with you, and the light that went out of
life would come back in a great burst of glory. Out of mortal flesh I would
pass into eternity. I would be one of you.
Dizzy.
Did he almost fall? Someone talking to him, someone asking if he was all right.
No, of course not. Why should I be?
But
there was a hand on his shoulder.
Daniel.
He
looked up.
Armand
stood at the curb.
At
first he could not believe it, he wanted it so badly, but there was no denying
what he saw. Armand stood there. He was peering silently from the unearthly stillness
he seemed to carry with him, his face flushed beneath the faintest touch of
unnatural pallor. How normal he looked, if beauty is ever normal. And yet how
strangely set apart from the material things touching him, the rumpled white
coat and pants he wore. Behind him the big gray hulk of a Rolls waited, like an
ancillary vision, droplets teeming on its silver roof.
Come
on, Daniel. You made it hard for me this time, didn't you, so hard.
Why the
urgency of the command when the hand that pulled him forward was so strong?
Such a rare thing to see Armand truly angry. Ah, how Daniel loved this anger!
His knees went out from under him. He felt himself lifted. And then the soft
velvet of the back seat of the car spread out under him. He fell over on his hands.
He closed his eyes.
But
Armand gently pulled him upright, held him. The car rocked gently, deliciously
as it moved forward. So nice to sleep at last in Armand's arms. But there was
so much he must tell Armand, so much about the dream, the book.
"Don't
you think I know?" Armand whispered. A strange light in the eye, what was
it? Something raw and tender in the way Armand looked, all the composure
stripped away. He lifted a tumbler half full of brandy and put it in Daniel's
hand.
"And
you running from me," he said, "from Stockholm and Edinburgh and
Paris. What do you think I am that I can follow you at such speed down so many
pathways? And such danger-"
Lips
against Daniel's face, suddenly, ah, that's better, I like kissing. And
snuggling with dead things, yes, hold me. He buried his face in Armand's neck. Your
blood.
"Not
yet, my beloved." Armand pushed him forward, pressing his fingers to
Daniel's lips. Such uncommon feeling in the low, controlled voice. "Listen
to what I'm saying to you. All over the world, our kind are being
destroyed."
Destroyed. It sent a current of panic
through him, so that his body tensed in spite of his exhaustion. He tried to
focus on Armand, but he saw the red-haired twins again, the soldiers, the
blackened body of the mother being overturned in the ashes. But the meaning,
the continuity... Why?
"I
cannot tell you," Armand said. And he meant the dream when he spoke,
because he'd had the dream too. He lifted the brandy to Daniel's lips.
Oh, so
warm, yes. He would slip into unconsciousness if he didn't hold tight. They
were racing silently along the freeway now, out of Chicago, the rain flooding
the windows, locked together in this warm, velvet-lined little place. Ah, such
lovely silver rain. And Armand had turned away, distracted, as if listening to
some faraway music, his lips parted, frozen on the verge of speech.
I'm
with you, safe with you.
"No,
Daniel, not safe," he answered. "Maybe not even for a night or so
much as an hour."
Daniel
tried to think, to form a question, but he was too weak, too drowsy. The car
was so comfortable, the motion of it so soothing. And the twins. The beautiful
red-haired twins wanted in now! His eyes closed for a split second and he sank
against Armand's shoulder, feeling Armand's hand on his back.
Far
away he heard Armand's voice: "What do I do with you, my beloved?
Especially now, when I myself am so afraid."
Darkness
again. He held fast to the taste of the brandy in his mouth, to the touch of
Armand's hand, but he was already dreaming.
The
twins were walking in the desert; the sun was high above. It burned their white
arms, their faces. Their lips were swollen and cracked from thirst. Their
dresses were stained with blood.
"Make
the rain fall," Daniel whispered aloud, "you can do it, make the rain
fall." One of the twins fell down on her knees, and her sister knelt and
put her arms around her. Red hair and red hair.
Somewhere
far off he heard Armand's voice again. Armand said that they were too deep in
the desert. Not even their spirits could make rain in such a place.
But
why? Couldn't spirits do anything? "
He felt Armand kiss him gently again.
The
twins have now entered a low mountain pass. But there is no shade because the
sun is directly above them, and the rocky slopes are too treacherous for them
to climb. On they walk. Can't someone help them? They stumble and fall every
few steps now. The rocks look too hot to touch. Finally one of them falls face
down in the sand, and the other lies over her, sheltering her with her hair.
Oh, if
only evening would come, with its cold winds.
Suddenly
the twin who is protecting her sister looks up. Movement on the cliffs. Then
stillness again. A rock falls, echoes with a soft clear shuffling sound. And
then Daniel sees the men moving over the precipices, desert people as they have
looked for thousands of years with their dark skin and heavy white robes.
The
twins rise on their knees together as these men approach. The men offer them
water. They pour the cool water over the twins. Suddenly the twins are laughing
and talking hysterically, so great is their relief, but the men don't
understand. Then it is gestures, so purely eloquent, as one twin points to the
belly of her sister, and then folding her arms makes the universal sign for
rocking a child. Ah, yes. The men lift the pregnant woman. And all move
together towards the oasis, round which their tents stand.
At last
by the light of a fire outside the tent, the twins sleep, safe, among the
desert people, the Bedouins. Could it be that the Bedouins are so very ancient,
that their history goes back thousands and thousands of years? At dawn, one of
the twins rises, the one who does not carry a child. As her sister watches, she
walks out towards the olive trees of the oasis. She lifts her arms, and at
first it seems she is only welcoming the sun. Others have awakened; they gather
to see. Then a wind rises, gently, moving the branches of the olive trees. And
the rain, the light sweet rain begins to fall.
He opened
his eyes. He was on the plane.
He
recognized the small bedroom immediately by the white plastic walls and the
soothing quality of the dim yellow light. Everything synthetic, hard and gleaming
like the great rib bones of prehistoric creatures. Have things come full
circle? Technology has recreated Jonah's chamber deep within the belly of the
whale.
He was
lying on the bed that had no head or foot or legs or frame to it. Someone had
washed his hands and his face. He was clean-shaven. Ah, that felt so good. And
the roar of the engines was a huge silence, the whale breathing, slicing
through the sea. That made it possible for him to see things around him very
distinctly. A decanter. Bourbon. He wanted it. But he was too exhausted to
move. And something not right, something... He reached up, felt his neck. The
amulet was gone! But it didn't matter. He was with Armand.
Armand
sat at the little table near the whale's eye window, the white plastic lid
pulled all the way down. He had cut his hair. And he wore black wool now, neat
and fine, like the corpse again dressed for the funeral even to the shining
black shoes. Grim all this. Someone will now read the Twenty-third Psalm. Bring
back the white clothes.
"You're
dying," Armand said softly.
"
'And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,' et cetera,"
Daniel whispered. His throat was so dry. And his head ached. Didn't matter
saying what was really on his mind. All been said long ago.
Armand
spoke again silently, a laser beam touching Daniel's brain:
Shall
we bother with the particulars? You weigh no more than a hundred and thirty
pounds now. And the alcohol is eating at your insides. You are half mad. There
is almost nothing left in the world that you enjoy.
"Except
talking to you now and then. It's so easy to hear everything you say."
If
you were never to see me again, that would only make things worse. If you go on
as you are, you won't live another five days.
Unbearable
thought, actually. But if that's so, then why have I been running away?
No
response.
How
clear everything seemed. It wasn't only the roar of the engines, it was the
curious movement of the plane, that never-ending irregular undulation as if it
rode the air in bumps and dips and over curbs and now and then uphill. The
whale speeding along on the whale path, as Beowulf called it.
Armand's
hair was brushed to one side, neatly. Gold watch on his wrist, one of those
high-tech numbers he so adored. Think of that thing flashing its digits inside
a coffin during the day. And the black jacket, old-fashioned rather with narrow
lapels. The vest was black silk, it looked like that anyway. But his face, ah,
he had fed all right. Fed plenty.
Do
you remember anything I said to you earlier?
"Yes,"
Daniel said. But the truth is he had trouble remembering. Then it came back
suddenly, oppressively. "Something about destruction everywhere. But I'm
dying. They're dying, I'm dying. They got to be immortal before it happened; I
am merely alive. See? I remember. I would like to have the bourbon now."
There
is nothing I can do to make you want to live, isn't that so?
"Not
that again. I will jump out of the plane if you go on."
Will
you listen to me, then? Really listen?
"How
can I help it? I can't get away from your voice when you want me to listen;
it's like a tiny microphone inside my head. What is this, tears? You're going
to weep over me?"
For one
second, he looked so young. What a travesty.
"Damn
you, Daniel," he said, so that Daniel heard the words aloud.
A chill
passed over Daniel. Horrid to see him suffering. Daniel said nothing.
"What
we are," Armand said, "it wasn't meant to be, you know that. You
didn't have to read Lestat's book to find it out. Any one of us could have told
you it was an abomination, a demonic fusion-"
"Then
what Lestat wrote was true." A demon going into the ancient Egyptian
Mother and the Father. Well, a spirit anyway. They had called it a demon back
then.
"Doesn't
matter whether or not it's true. The beginning is no longer important. What
matters is that the end may be at hand."
Deep
tightening of panic, the atmosphere of the dream returning, the shrill sound
of the twins' screams.
"Listen
to me," Armand said patiently, calling him back away from the two women.
"Lestat has awakened something or someone-"
"Akasha...
Enkil."
"Perhaps.
It may be more than one or two. No one knows for certain. There is a vague
repeated cry of danger, but no one seems to know whence it comes. They only
know that we are being sought out and annihilated, that coven houses, meeting
places, go up in flames."
"I've
heard the cry of danger," Daniel whispered. "Sometimes very strong in
the middle of the night, and then at other moments like an echo." Again he
saw the twins. It had to be connected to the twins. "But how do you know
these things, about the coven houses, about-"
"Daniel,
don't try me. There isn't much time left. I know. The others know. It's like a
current, running through the wires of a great web."
"Yes."
Whenever Daniel had tasted the vampiric blood, he had glimpsed for one instant
that great glittering mesh of knowledge, connections, half-understood visions.
And it was true then. The web had begun with the Mother and the Father-
"Years
ago," Armand interrupted, "it wouldn't have mattered to me, all
this."
"What
do you mean?"
"But
I don't want it to end now. I don't want to continue unless you-" His face
changed slightly. Faint look of surprise. "I don't want you to die."
Daniel
said nothing.
Eerie
the stillness of this moment. Even with the plane riding the air currents
gently. Armand sitting there, so self-contained, so patient, with the words
belying the smooth calm of the voice.
"I'm
not afraid, because you're here," Daniel said suddenly.
"You're
a fool then. But I will tell you another mysterious part of it."
"Yes?"
"Lestat
is still in existence. He goes on with his schemes. And those who've gathered
near him are unharmed."
"But
how do you know for certain?"
Short
little velvet faugh. "There you go again. So irrepressibly human. You
overestimate me or underestimate me. Seldom do you ever hit the mark."
"I
work with limited equipment. The cells in my body are subject to deterioration,
to a process called aging and-"
"They're
gathered in San Francisco. They crowd the back rooms of a tavern called
Dracula's Daughter. Perhaps I know because others know it and one powerful mind
picks up images from another and unwittingly or deliberately passes those
images along. Perhaps one witness telegraphs the image to many. I can't tell.
Thoughts, feelings, voices, they're just there. Traveling the web, the threads.
Some are clear, others clouded. Now and then the warning overrides everything.
Danger. It is as if our world falls silent for one instant. Then other voices
rise again."
"And
Lestat. Where is Lestat?"
"He's
been seen but only in glimpses. They can't track him to his lair. He's too
clever to let that happen. But he teases them. He races his black Porsche
through the streets of San Francisco. He may not know all that's
happened."
"Explain."
"The
power to communicate varies. To listen to the thoughts of others is often to be
heard oneself. Lestat is concealing his presence. His mind may be completely
cut off."
"And
the twins? The two women in the dream, who are they?"
"I
don't know. Not all have had these dreams. But many know of them, and all seem
to fear them, to share the conviction that somehow Lestat is to blame. For all
that's happened, Lestat is to blame."
"A
real devil among devils." Daniel laughed softly.
With a
subtle nod, Armand acknowledged the little jest wearily. He even smiled.
Stillness.
Roar of the engines.
"Do
you understand what I'm telling you? There have been attacks upon our kind
everywhere but there."
"Where
Lestat is."
"Precisely.
But the destroyer moves erratically. It seems it must be near to the thing it
would destroy. It may be waiting for the concert in order to finish what it has
begun."
"It
can't hurt you. It would have already-"
The short,
derisive laugh again, barely audible. A telepathic laugh?
"Your
faith touches me as always, but don't be my acolyte just now. The thing is not
omnipotent. It can't move with infinite speed. You have to understand the
choice I've made. We're going to him because there isn't any other safe place
to go. It has found rogues in far-flung places and burnt them to ashes-"
"And
because you want to be with Lestat."
No
answer.
"You
know you do. You want to see him. You want to be there if he needs you. If there's
going to be a battle..."
No
answer.
"And
if Lestat caused it, maybe he can stop it."
Still
Armand didn't answer. He appeared confused.
"It
is simpler than that," he said finally. "I have to go."
The
plane seemed a thing suspended on a spume of sound. Daniel looked drowsily at
the ceiling, at the light moving.
To
see Lestat at last.
He thought of Lestat's old house in New Orleans. Of the gold watch he'd
recovered from the dusty floor. And now it was back to San Francisco, back to
the beginning, back to Lestat. God, he wanted the bourbon. Why wouldn't Armand
give it to him? He was so weak. They'd go to the concert, he'd see Lestat-
But
then the sense of dread came again, deepening, the dread which the dreams
inspired. "Don't let me dream any more of them," he whispered
suddenly.
He
thought he heard Armand say yes.
Suddenly
Armand stood beside the bed. His shadow fell over Daniel. The whale's belly
seemed smaller, no more than the light surrounding Armand.
"Look
at me, beloved," he said.
Darkness.
And then the high iron gates opening, and the moon flooding down on the garden.
What is this place?
Oh,
Italy, it had to be, with this gentle embracing warm air and a full moon
shining down on the great sweep of trees and flowers, and beyond, the Villa of
the Mysteries at the very edge of ancient Pompeii.
"But
how did we get here!" He turned to Armand, who stood beside him dressed in
strange, old-fashioned velvet clothes. For one moment he could do nothing but
stare at Armand, at the black velvet tunic he wore and the leggings, and his
long curling auburn hair.
"We
aren't realty here," Armand said. "You know we aren't." He
turned and walked into the garden towards the villa, his heels making the
faintest sound on the worn gray stones.
But it
was real! Look at the crumbling old brick walls, and the flowers in their long
deep beds, and the path itself with Armand's damp footprints! And the stars
overhead, the stars! He turned around and reached up into the lemon tree and
broke off a single fragrant leaf.
Armand
turned, reached back to take his arm. The smell of freshly turned earth rose
from the flower beds. Ah, I could die here.
"Yes,"
said Armand, "you could. And you will. And you know, I've never done it
before. I told you but you never believed me. Now Lestat's told you in his
book. I've never done it. Do you believe him?"
"Of
course I believed you. The vow you made, you explained everything. But Armand,
this is my question, to whom did you make this vow?"
Laughter.
Their
voices carried over the garden. Such roses and chrysanthemums, how enormous
they were. And light poured from the doorways of the Villa of the Mysteries.
Was there music playing? Why, the whole ruined place was brilliantly
illuminated under the incandescent blue of the night sky.
"So
you would have me break my vow. You would have what you think you want. But
look well at this garden, because once I do it, you'll never read my thoughts
or see my visions again. A veil of silence will come down."
"But
we'll be brothers, don't you see?" Daniel asked.
Armand
stood so close to him they were almost kissing. The flowers were crushed
against them, huge drowsing yellow dahlias and white gladioli, such lovely
drenching perfume. They had stopped beneath a dying tree in which the wisteria
grew wild. Its delicate blossoms shivered in clusters, its great twining arms
white as bone. And beyond voices poured out of the Villa. Were there people
singing?
"But
where are we really?" Daniel asked. "Tell me!"
"I
told you. It's just a dream. But if you want a name, let me call it the gateway
of life and death. I'll bring you with me through this gateway. And why?
Because I am a coward. And I love you too much to let you go."
Such
joy Daniel felt, such cold and lovely triumph. And so the moment was his, and
he was lost no more in the awesome free fall of time. No more one of the
teeming millions who would sleep in this dank odoriferous earth, beneath the
broken withered flowers, without name or knowledge, all vision lost.
"I
promise you nothing. How can I? I've told you what lies ahead."
"I
don't care. I'll go towards it with you."
Armand's
eyes were reddened, weary, old. Such delicate clothes these were, hand sewn,
dusty, like the clothes of a ghost. Were they what the mind conjured
effortlessly when it wanted to be purely itself?
"Don't
cry! It's not fair," Daniel said. "This is my rebirth. How can you
cry? Don't you know what this means? Is it possible you never knew?" He
looked up suddenly, to catch the whole sweep of this enchanted landscape, the
distant Villa, the rolling land above and below. And then he turned his face
upwards, and the heavens astonished him. Never had he seen so many stars.
Why, it
seemed as if the sky itself went up and up forever with stars so plentiful and
bright that the constellations were utterly lost. No pattern. No meaning. Only
the gorgeous victory of sheer energy and matter. But then he saw the
Pleiades-the constellation beloved of the doomed red-haired twins in the
dream-and he smiled. He saw the twins together on a mountaintop, and they were
happy. It made him so glad.
"Say
the word, my love," Armand said. "I'll do it. We'll be in hell
together after all."
"But
don't you see," Daniel said, "all human decisions are made like this.
Do you think the mother knows what will happen to the child in her womb? Dear
God, we are lost, I tell you. What does it matter if you give it to me and it's
wrong! There is no wrong! There is only desperation, and I would have it!
I want to live forever with you."
He
opened his eyes. The ceiling of the cabin of the plane, the soft yellow lights
reflected in the warm wood-paneled walls, and then around him the garden, the
perfume, the sight of the flowers almost breaking loose from their stems.
They stood
beneath the dead tree twined full of airy purple wisteria blossoms. And the
blossoms stroked his face, the clusters of waxy petals. Something came back to
him, something he had known long ago-that in the language of an ancient people
the word for flowers was the same as the word for blood. He felt the sudden
sharp stab of the teeth in his neck.
His
heart was caught suddenly, wrenched in a powerful grip! The pressure was more
than he could bear. Yet he could see over Armand's shoulder and the night was
sliding down around him, the stars growing as large as these moist and fragrant
blooms. Why, they were rising into the sky!
For a
split second he saw the Vampire Lestat, driving, plunging through the night in
his long sleek black car. How like a lion Lestat looked with his mane of hair
blown back by the wind, his eyes filled with mad humor and high spirits. And
then he turned and looked at Daniel, and from his throat came a deep soft
laugh.
Louis
was there too. Louis was standing in a room on Divisadero Street looking out of
the window, waiting, and then he said, "Yes, come, Daniel, if that is what
must happen."
But
they didn't know about the burnt-out coven houses! They didn't know about the
twins! About the cry of danger!
They were
all in a crowded room, actually, inside the Villa, and Louis was leaning
against the mantel in a frock coat. Everyone was there! Even the twins were
there! "Thank God, you've come," Daniel said. He kissed Louis on one
cheek and then the other decorously. "Why, my skin is as pale as
yours!"
He
cried out suddenly as his heart was let go, and the air filled his lungs. The
garden again. The grass was all around him. The garden grew up over his head. Don't
leave me here, not here against the earth.
"Drink,
Daniel." The priest said the Latin words as he poured the Holy Communion
wine into his mouth. The red-haired twins took the sacred plates-the heart, the
brain. "This the brain and the heart of my mother I devour with all
respect for the spirit of my mother-"
"God,
give it to me!" He'd knocked the chalice to the marble floor of the
church, so clumsy, but God! The blood!
He sat
up, crushing Armand to him, drawing it out of him, draught after draught. They
had fallen over together in the soft bank of flowers. Armand lay beside him,
and his mouth was open on Armand's throat, and the blood was an unstoppable
fount.
"Come
into the Villa of the Mysteries," said Louis to him. Louis was touching
his shoulder. "We're waiting." The twins were embracing each other,
stroking each other's long curling red hair.
The
kids were screaming outside the auditorium because there were no more tickets.
They would camp in the parking lot until tomorrow night.
"Do
we have tickets?" he asked. "Armand, the tickets!"
Danger. Ice. It's coming from the one
trapped beneath the ice!
Something
hit him, hard. He was floating.
"Sleep,
beloved."
"I
want to go back to the garden, the Villa." He tried to open his eyes. His
belly was hurting. Strangest pain, it seemed so far away.
"You
know he's buried under the ice?"
"Sleep,"
Armand said, covering him with the blanket. "And when you wake, you'll be
just like me. Dead."
San
Francisco. He knew he was there before he even opened his eyes. And such a ghastly
dream, he was glad to leave it-suffocating, blackness, and riding the rough and
terrifying current of the sea! But the dream was fading. A dream without sight,
and only the sound of the water, the feel of the water! A dream of unspeakable
fear. He'd been a woman in it, helpless, without a tongue to scream.
Let it
go away.
Something
about the wintry air on his face, a white freshness that he could almost taste.
San Francisco, of course. The cold moved over him like a tight garment, yet
inside he was deliciously warm.
Immortal.
Forever.
He
opened his eyes. Armand had put him here. Through the viscid darkness of the
dream, he'd heard Armand telling him to remain. Armand had told him that here
he would be safe.
Here.
The
French doors stood open all along the far wall. And the room itself, opulent,
cluttered, one of those splendid places that Armand so often found, so dearly
loved.
Look at
the sheer lace panel blown back from the French doors. Look at the white
feathers curling and glowing in the Aubusson carpet. He climbed to his feet and
went out through the open doors.
A great
mesh of branches rose between him and the wet shining sky. Stiff foliage of the
Monterey cypress. And down there, through the branches, against a velvet
blackness, he saw the great burning arc of the Golden Gate Bridge. The fog
poured like thick white smoke past the immense towers. In fits and gusts it
tried to swallow the pylons, the cables, then vanished as if the bridge itself
with its glittering stream of traffic burnt it away.
Too
magnificent, this spectacle-and the deep dark outline of the distant hills
beneath their mantle of warm lights. Ah, but to take one tiny detail-the damp
rooftops spilling downhill away from him, or the gnarled branches rising in
front of him. Like elephant hide, this bark, this living skin.
Immortal...forever.
He ran
his hands back through his hair and a gentle tingling passed through him. He
could feel the soft imprint of his fingers on his scalp after he had taken his
hands away. The wind stung him exquisitely. He remembered something. He reached
up to find his fang teeth. Yes, they were beautifully long and sharp.
Someone
touched him. He turned so quickly he almost lost his balance. Why, this was all
so inconceivably different! He steadied himself, but the sight of Armand made
him want to cry. Even in deep shadow, Armand's dark brown eyes were filled with
a vibrant light. And the expression on his face, so loving. He reached out very
carefully and touched Armand's eyelashes. He wanted to touch the tiny fine
lines in Armand's lips. Armand kissed him. He began to tremble. The way it
felt, the cool silky mouth, like a kiss of the brain, the electric purity of a
thought!
"Come
inside, my pupil," Armand said. "We have less than an hour
left."
"But
the others-"
Armand
had gone to discover something very important. What was it? Terrible things
happening, coven houses burned. Yet nothing at the moment seemed more important
than the warmth inside him, and the tingling as he moved his limbs.
"They're
thriving, plotting," Armand said. Was he speaking out loud? He must have
been. But the voice was so clear! "They're frightened of the wholesale
destruction, but San Francisco isn't touched. Some say Lestat has done it to
drive everyone to him. Others that it's the work of Marius, or even the twins.
Or Those Who Must Be Kept, who strike with infinite power from their
shrine."
The
twins! He felt the darkness of the dream again around him, a woman's body,
tongueless, terror, closing him in. Ah, nothing could hurt him now. Not dreams
or plots. He was Armand's child.
"But
these things must wait," Armand said gently. "You must come and do as
I tell you. We must finish what was begun."
"Finish?"
It was finished. He was reborn.
Armand
brought him in out of the wind. Glint of the brass bed in the darkness, of a
porcelain vase alive with gilded dragons. Of the square grand piano with its
keys like grinning teeth. Yes, touch it, feel the ivory, the velvet tassels
hanging from the lampshade...
The
music, where did the music come from? A low, mournful jazz trumpet, playing all
alone. It stopped him, this hollow melancholy song, the notes flowing slowly
into one another. He did not want to move just now. He wanted to say he
understood what was happening, but he was absorbing each broken sound.
He
started to say thank you for the music, but again, his voice sounded so
unaccountably strange-sharper, yet more resonant. Even the feel of his tongue,
and out there, the fog, look at it, he pointed, the fog blowing right past the
terrace, the fog eating the night!
Armand
was patient. Armand understood. Armand brought him slowly through the darkened
room.
"I
love you," Daniel said.
"Are
you certain?" Armand answered.
It made
him laugh.
They
had come into a long high hallway. A stairs descending in deep shadow. A
polished balustrade. Armand urged him forward. He wanted to look at the rug
beneath him, a long chain of medallions woven with lilies, but Armand had
brought him into a brightly lighted room.
He
caught his breath at the sheer flood of illumination, light moving over the
low-slung leather couches, chairs. Ah, but the painting on the wall!
So
vivid the figures in the painting, formless creatures who were actually great thick
smears of glaring yellow and red paint. Everything that looked alive was alive,
that was a distinct possibility. You painted armless beings, swimming in
blinding color, and they had to exist like that forever. Could they see you
with all those tiny, scattered eyes? Or did they see only the heaven and hell
of their own shining realm, anchored to the studs in the wall by a piece of
twisted wire?
He
could have wept to think of it, wept at the deep-throated moan of the
trumpet-and yet he wasn't weeping. He had caught a strong seductive aroma. God,
what is it? His whole body seemed to harden inexplicably. Then suddenly he
was staring at a young girl.
She sat
in a small gilded straight-back chair watching him, ankles crossed, her thick
brown hair a gleaming mop around her white face. Her scant clothes were dirty.
A little runaway with her torn jeans and soiled shirt. What a perfect picture,
even to the sprinkling of freckles across her nose, and the greasy backpack
that lay at her feet. But the shape of her little arms, the way her legs were
made! And her eyes, her brown eyes! He was laughing softly, but it was
humorless, crazed. It had a sinister sound to it; how strange! He realized he
had taken her face in his hands and she was staring up at him, smiling, and a
faint scarlet blush came in her warm little cheeks.
Blood,
that was the aroma! His fingers were burning. Why, he could even see the blood
vessels beneath her skin! And the sound of her heart, he could hear it. It was
getting louder, it was such a... a moist sound. He backed away from her.
"God,
get her out of here!" he cried.
"Take
her," Armand whispered. "And do it now."
No one is listening. Now you may sing the selfsong, as the bird does, not for territory or dominance, but for self-enlargement. Let something come from nothing. ... STAN RICE from "Texas Suite" Body of Work (1983)
Until
this night, this awful night, he'd had a little joke about himself: He didn't
know who he was, or where he'd come from, but he knew what he liked. And what
he liked was all around him-the flower stands on the corners, the big steel and
glass buildings full of milky evening light, the trees, of course, the grass
beneath his feet. And the bought things of shining plastic and metal-toys,
computers, telephones-it didn't matter. He liked to figure them out, master
them, then crush them into tiny hard multicolored balls which he could then
juggle or toss through plate glass windows when nobody was about.
He
liked piano music, the motion pictures, and the poems he found in books.
He also
liked the automobiles that burnt oil from the earth like lamps. And the great
jet planes that flew on the same scientific principles, above the clouds.
He always
stopped and listened to the people laughing and talking up there when one of
the planes flew overhead.
Driving
was an extraordinary pleasure. In a silver Mercedes-Benz, he had sped on smooth
empty roads from Rome to Florence to Venice in one night. He also liked
television-the entire electric process of it, with its tiny bits of light. How
soothing it was to have the company of television, the intimacy with so many
artfully painted faces speaking to you in friendship from the glowing screen.
The rock
and roll, he liked that too. He liked all music. He liked the Vampire Lestat
singing "Requiem for the Marquise." He didn't pay attention to the
words much. It was the melancholy, and the dark undertone of drums and cymbals.
Made him want to dance.
He liked
giant yellow machines that dug into the earth late at night in the big cities
with men in uniforms crawling all over them; he liked the double-decker buses
of London, and the people-the clever mortals everywhere-he liked them, too, of
course.
He liked
walking in Damascus during the evening, and seeing in sudden flashes of
disconnected memory the city of the ancients. Romans, Greeks, Persians,
Egyptians in these streets.
He
liked the libraries where he could find photographs of ancient monuments in big
smooth good-smelling books. He took his own photographs of the new cities
around him and sometimes he could put images on these pictures which came from
his thoughts. For example, in his photograph of Rome there were Roman people in
tunics and sandals superimposed upon the modern versions in their thick
ungraceful clothes.
Oh,
yes, much to like all around him always-the violin music of Bartók, little
girls in snow white dresses coming out of the church at midnight having sung at
the Christmas mass.
He liked
the blood of his victims too, of course. That went without saying. It was no
part of his little joke. Death was not funny to him. He stalked his prey in
silence; he didn't want to know his victims. All a mortal had to do was speak
to him and he was turned away. Not proper, as he saw it, to talk to these
sweet, soft-eyed beings and then gobble their blood, break their bones and lick
the marrow, squeeze their limbs to a dripping pulp. And that was the way he
feasted now, so violently. He felt no great need for blood anymore; but he
wanted it. And the desire overpowered him in all its ravening purity, quite
apart from thirst. He could have feasted upon three or four mortals a night.
Yet he
was sure, absolutely sure, that he had been a human being once. Walking in the
sun in the heat of the day, yes, he had once done that, even though he
certainly couldn't do it now. He envisioned himself sitting at a plain wood
table and cutting open a ripe peach with a small copper knife. Beautiful the
fruit before him. He knew the taste of it. He knew the taste of bread and beer.
He saw the sun shining on the dull yellow sand that stretched for miles and
miles outside. "Lie down and rest in the heat of the day," someone
had once said to him. Was this the last day that he had been alive? Rest, yes,
because tonight the King and the Queen will call all the court together and
something terrible, something...
But he
couldn't really remember.
No, he
just knew it, that is, until this night. This night...
Not
even when he'd heard the Vampire Lestat did he remember. The character merely
fascinated him a little-a rock singer calling himself a blood drinker. And he
did look unearthly, but then that was television, wasn't it? Many humans in the
dizzying world of rock music appeared unearthly. And there was such human
emotion in the Vampire Lestat's voice.
It
wasn't merely emotion; it was human ambition of a particular sort. The Vampire
Lestat wanted to be heroic. When he sang, he said: "Allow me my
significance! I am the symbol of evil; and if I am a true symbol, then I do
good."
Fascinating.
Only a human being could think of a paradox like that. And he himself knew
this, because he'd been human, of course.
Now he
did have a supernatural understanding of things. That was true. Humans couldn't
look at machines and perceive their principles as he could. And the manner in
which everything was "familiar" to him-that had to do with his
superhuman powers as well. Why, there was nothing that surprised him really.
Not quantum physics or theories of evolution or the paintings of Picasso or the
process by which children were inoculated with germs to protect them from
disease. No, it was as if he'd been aware of things long before he remembered
being here. Long before he could say: "I think; therefore I am."
But
disregarding all that, he still had a human perspective. That no one would
deny. He could feel human pain with an eerie and frightening perfection. He
knew what it meant to love, and to be lonely, ah, yes, he knew that above all things,
and he felt it most keenly when he listened to the Vampire Lestat's songs.
That's why he didn't pay attention to the words.
And
another thing. The more blood he drank the more human-looking he became.
When
he'd first appeared in this time-to himself and others- he hadn't looked human
at all. He'd been a filthy skeleton, walking along the highway in Greece
towards Athens, his bones enmeshed in tight rubbery veins, the whole sealed
beneath a layer of toughened white skin. He'd terrified people. How they had
fled from him, gunning the engines of their little cars. But he'd read their
minds-seen himself as they saw him-and he understood, and he was so sorry, of
course.
In
Athens, he'd gotten gloves, a loose wool garment with plastic buttons, and
these funny modern shoes that covered up your whole foot. He'd wrapped rags
around his face with only holes for his eyes and mouth. He'd covered his filthy
black hair with a gray felt hat.
They
still stared but they didn't run screaming. At dusk, he roamed through the
thick crowds in Omonia Square and no one paid him any mind. How nice the modem
bustle of this old city, which in long ago ages had been just as vital, when
students came there from all over the world to study philosophy and art. He
could look up at the Acropolis and see the Parthenon as it had been then,
perfect, the house of the goddess. Not the ruin it was today.
The
Greeks as always were a splendid people, gentle and trusting, though they were
darker of hair and skin now on account of their Turkish blood. They didn't mind
his strange clothes. When he talked in his soft, soothing voice, imitating
their language perfectly-except for a few apparently hilarious mistakes-they
loved him. And in private, he had noticed that his flesh was slowly filling
out. It was hard as a rock to the touch. Yet it was changing. Finally, one
night when he unwrapped the ragged covering, he had seen the contours of a
human face. So this is what he looked like, was it?
Big
black eyes with fine soft wrinkles at the corners and rather smooth lids. His
mouth was a nice, smiling mouth. The nose was neat and finely made; he didn't
disdain it. And the eyebrows: he liked these best of all because they were very
black and straight, not broken or bushy, and they were drawn high enough above
his eyes so that he had an open expression, a look of veiled wonder that others
might trust. Yes, it was a very pretty young male face.
After
that he'd gone about uncovered, wearing modem shirts and pants. But he had to
keep to the shadows. He was just too smooth and too white.
He said
his name was Khayman when they asked him. But he didn't know where he'd gotten
it. And he had been called Benjamin once, later, he knew that, too. There were
other names... But when? Khayman. That was the first and secret name, the one
he never forgot. He could draw two tiny pictures that meant Khayman, but where
these symbols had come from he had no idea.
His
strength puzzled him as much as anything else. He could walk through plaster
walls, lift an automobile and hurl it into a nearby field. Yet he was curiously
brittle and light. He drove a long thin knife right through his own hand. Such
a strange sensation! And blood everywhere. Then the wounds closed and he had to
open them again to pull the knife out.
As for
the lightness, well, there was nothing that he could not climb. It was as
though gravity had no control over him once he decided to defy it. And one
night after climbing a tall building in the middle of the city, he flew off the
top of it, descending gently to the street below.
Lovely,
this. He knew he could traverse great distances if only he dared. Why, surely
he had once done it, moving into the very clouds. But then... maybe not.
He had
other powers as well. Each evening as he awakened, he found himself listening
to voices from al! over the world. He lay in the darkness bathed in sound. He
heard people speaking in Greek, English, Romanian, Hindustani. He heard
laughter, cries of pain. And if he lay very still, he could hear thoughts from
people-a jumbled undercurrent full of wild exaggeration that frightened him. He
did not know where these voices came from. Or why one voice drowned out
another. Why, it was as if he were God and he were listening to prayers.
And now
and then, quite distinct from the human voices, there came to him immortal
voices too. Others like him out there, thinking, feeling, sending a warning?
Far away their powerful silvery cries, yet he could easily separate them from
the human warp and woof.
But this
receptiveness hurt him. It brought back some awful memory of being shut up in a
dark place with only these voices to keep him company for years and years and
years. Panic. He would not remember that. Some things one doesn't want to
remember. Like being burned, imprisoned. Like remembering everything and
crying, terrible anguished crying. I Yes, bad things had happened to him. He
had been here on this earth under other names and at other times. But always
with this same gentle and optimistic disposition, loving things. Was his a
migrant soul? No, he had always had this body. That's why it was so light and
so strong.
Inevitably
he shut off the voices. In fact, he remembered an old admonition: If you do not
learn to shut out the voices, they will drive you mad. But with him now, it was
simple. He quieted them simply by rising, opening his eyes. Actually, it would
have required an effort to listen. They just went on and on and became one
irritating noise.
The
splendor of the moment awaited him. And it was easy to drown out the thoughts
of mortals close at hand. He could sing, for instance, or fix his attention
hard upon anything around him. Blessed quiet. In Rome there were distractions
everywhere. How he loved the old Roman houses painted ocher and burnt sienna
and dark green. How he loved the narrow stone streets. He could drive a car
very fast through the broad boulevard full of wreckless mortals, or wander the
Via Veneto until he found a woman with whom to fall in love for a little while.
And he
did so love the clever people of this time. They were still people, but they
knew so much. A ruler was murdered in India, and within the hour all the world
could mourn. All manner of disasters, inventions, and medical miracles weighed
down upon the mind of the ordinary man. People played with fact and fancy.
Waitresses wrote novels at night that would make them famous. Laborers fell in
love with naked movie queens in rented cassette films. The rich wore paper
jewelry, and the poor bought tiny diamonds. And princesses sallied forth onto
the Champs Elysees in carefully faded rags.
Ah, he
wished he was human. After all, what was he? What were the others like?-the
ones whose voices he shut out. Not the First Brood, he was sure of it. The
First Brood could never contact each other purely through the mind. But what
the hell was the First Brood? He couldn't remember! A little panic seized him.
Don't think of those things. He wrote poems in a notebook-modern and simple,
yet he knew that they were in the earliest style he'd ever known.
He
moved ceaselessly about Europe and Asia Minor, sometimes walking, sometimes
rising into the air and willing himself to a particular place. He charmed those
who would have interfered with him and slumbered carelessly in dark hiding
places by day. After all, the sun didn't burn him anymore. But he could not
function in the sunlight. His eyes began to close as soon as he saw light in
the morning sky. Voices, all those voices, other blood drinkers crying in
anguish-then nothing. And he awoke at sunset, eager to read the age-old pattern
of the stars.
Finally
he grew brave with his flying. On the outskirts of Istanbul he went upwards,
shooting like a balloon far over the roofs. He tossed and tumbled, laughing
freely, and then willed himself to Vienna, which he reached before dawn. Nobody
saw him. He moved too fast for them to see him. And besides he did not try
these little experiments before prying eyes.
He had
another interesting power too. He could travel without his body. Well, not
really travel. He could send out his vision, as it were, to look at things far
away. Lying still, he would think, for example, of a distant place that he
would like to see, and suddenly he was there before it. Now, there were some
mortals who could do that too, either in their dreams or when they were awake,
with great and deliberate concentration. Occasionally he passed their sleeping
bodies and perceived that their souls were traveling elsewhere. But the souls
themselves he could never see. He could not see ghosts or any kind of spirit
for that matter...
But he
knew they were there. They had to be.
And
some old awareness came to him, that once as a mortal man, in the temple, he
had drunk a strong potion given to him by the priests, and had traveled in the
very same way, up out of his body, and into the firmament. The priests had
called him back. He had not wanted to come. He was with those among the dead
whom he loved. But he had known he must return. That was what was expected of
him.
He'd
been a human being then, all right. Yes, definitely. He could remember the way
the sweat had felt on his naked chest when he lay in the dusty room and they
brought the potion to him. Afraid. But then they all had to go through it.
Maybe
it was better to be what he was now, and be able to fly about with body and
soul together.
But not
knowing, not really remembering, not understanding how he could do such things
or why he lived off the blood of humans-all this caused him intense pain.
In
Paris, he went to "vampire" movies, puzzling over what seemed true
and what was false. Familiar all this, though much of it was silly. The Vampire
Lestat had taken his garments from these old black and white films. Most of the
"creatures of the night" wore the same costume--the black cloak, the
stiff white shirt, the fine black jacket with tails, the black pants.
Nonsense
of course, yet it comforted him. After all, these were blood drinkers, beings
who spoke gently, liked poetry, and yet killed mortals all the time.
He bought
the vampire comics and cut out certain pictures of beautiful gentlemen blood
drinkers like the Vampire Lestat. Maybe he himself should try this lovely
costume; again, it would be a comfort. It would make him feel that he was part
of something, even if the something didn't really exist.
In
London, past midnight in a darkened store, he found his vampire clothes. Coat
and pants, and shining patent leather shoes; a shirt as stiff as new papyrus
with a white silk tie. And oh, the black velvet cloak, magnificent, with its
lining of white satin; it hung down to the very floor.
He did
graceful turns before the mirrors. How the Vampire Lestat would have envied
him, and to think, he, Khayman, was no human pretending; he was real. He
brushed out his thick black hair for the first time. He found perfumes and
unguents in glass cases and anointed himself properly for a grand evening. He
found rings and cuff links of gold.
Now he
was beautiful, as he had once been in other garments long ago. And immediately
in the streets of London people adored him! This had been the right thing to
do. They followed him as he walked along smiling and bowing, now and then, and
winking his eye. Even when he killed it was better. The victim would stare at
him as if seeing a vision, as if understanding. He would bend-as the Vampire
Lestat did in the television songs- and drink first, gently, from the throat,
before ripping the victim apart.
Of
course this was all a joke. There was something frightfully trivial about it.
It had nothing to do with being a blood drinker, that was the dark secret,
nothing to do with the faint things he only half remembered, now and then, and
pushed from his mind. Nevertheless it was fun for the moment to be
"somebody" and "something."
Yes,
the moment, the moment was splendid. And the moment was all he ever had. After
all, he would forget this time too, wouldn't he? These nights with their
exquisite details would vanish from him; and in some even more complex and
demanding future he would be loosed again, remembering only his name.
Home to
Athens he went finally.
Through
the museum by night he roamed with a stub of candle, inspecting the old
tombstones with their carved figures which made him cry. The dead woman
seated-always the dead are seated-reaches out for the living baby she has left
behind, who is held in her husband's arm. Names came back to him, as if bats
were whispering in his ear. Go to Egypt; you'll remember. But he would
not. Too soon to beg for madness and forgetfulness. Safe in Athens, roaming the
old cemetery beneath the Acropolis, from which they'd taken all the stele;
never mind the traffic roaring by; the earth here is beautiful. And it still
belongs to the dead.
He
acquired a wardrobe of vampire garments. He even bought a coffin, but he did
not like to get inside. For one thing, it was not shaped like a person, this
coffin, and it had no face on it, and no writings to guide the soul of the
dead. Not proper. Rather like a box for jewelry, as he saw it. But still, being
a vampire, well, he thought he should have it and it was fun. Mortals who came
to the flat loved it. He served them blood red wine in crystal glasses. He
recited "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" for them or sang songs in
strange tongues which they loved. Sometimes he read his poems. What
good-hearted mortals. And the coffin gave them something to sit on in a flat
that contained nothing else.
But
gradually the songs of the American rock singer, the Vampire Lestat, had begun
to disturb him. They weren't fun anymore. Neither were the silly old films. But
the Vampire Lestat really bothered him. What blood drinker would dream of acts
of purity and courage? Such a tragic tone to the songs.
Blood
drinker... Sometimes when he awoke, alone on the floor of the hot airless flat
with the last light of day fading through the curtained windows, he felt a
heavy dream lift from him in which creatures sighed and groaned in pain. Had he
been following through a ghastly nightscape the path of two beautiful
red-haired women who suffered unspeakable injustice, twin beauties to whom he
reached out again and again? After they cut out her tongue, the red-haired
woman in the dream snatched the tongue back from the soldiers and ate it. Her
courage had astonished them-
Ah, do
not look at such things!
His
face hurt, as if he had been crying also or miserably anxious. He let himself
relax slowly. Behold the lamp. The yellow flowers. Nothing. Just Athens with
its miles and miles of undistinguished stucco buildings, and the great broken
temple of Athena on the hill, looming over all despite the smoke-filled air.
Evening time. The divine rush as thousands in their drab workaday clothes
poured down the escalators to the underground trains. Syntagma Square scattered
with the lazy drinkers of retsina or ouzo, suffering beneath the early evening
heat. And the little kiosks selling magazines and papers from all lands.
He
didn't listen to any more of the Vampire Lestat's music. He left the American
dance halls where they played it. He moved away from the students who carried
small tape players clipped to their belts.
Then
one night in the heart of the Plaka, with its glaring lights and noisy taverns,
he saw other blood drinkers hurrying through the crowds. His heart stopped. Loneliness
and fear overcame him. He could not move or speak. Then he tracked them through
the steep streets, in and out of one dancing place after another where the
electronic music blared. He studied them carefully as they rushed on through
the crush of tourists, not aware that he was there.
Two
males and a female in scant black silk garments, the woman's feet strapped
painfully into high-heeled shoes. Silver sunglasses covered their eyes; they
whispered together and gave out sudden piercing bursts of laughter; decked with
jewels and scent, they flaunted their shining preternatural skin and hair.
But
never mind these superficial matters, they were very different from him. They
were nothing as hard and white, to begin with. In fact they were made up of so
much soft human tissue that they were animated corpses still. Beguilingly pink
and weak. And how they needed the blood of their victims. Why, they were
suffering agonies of thirst right now. And surely this was their fate nightly.
Because the blood had to work endlessly on all the soft human tissue. It worked
not merely to animate the tissue, but to convert it slowly into something else.
As for
him, he was all made up of that something else. He had no soft human tissue
left. Though he lusted for blood, it was not needed for this conversion. Rather
he realized suddenly that the blood merely refreshed him, increased his
telepathic powers, his ability to fly, or to travel out of his body, or his
prodigious strength. Ah, he understood it! For the nameless power that worked
in all of them, he was now a nearly perfected host.
Yes,
that was it exactly. And they were younger, that's all.
They
had merely begun their journey towards true vampiric immortality. Didn't he
remember-? Well, not actually, but he knew it, that they were fledglings, no
more than one or two hundred years along the way! That was the dangerous time,
when you first went mad from it, or the others got you, shut you up, burned
you, that sort of thing. Many did not survive those years. And how long ago it
had been for him, of the First Brood. Why, the amount of time was almost
inconceivable! He stopped beside the painted wall of a garden, reaching up to
rest his hand on a gnarled branch, letting the cool fleecy green leaves touch
his face. He felt himself washed in sadness suddenly, sadness more terrible
than fear. He heard someone crying, not here but in his head. Who was it? Stop!
Well,
he would not hurt them, these tender children! No, he wanted only to know them,
to embrace them. After all, we are of the same family, blood drinkers, you and
I!
But as
he drew nearer, as he sent out his silent yet exuberant greeting, they turned
and looked at him with undisguised terror. They fled. Through a dark tangle of
hillside lanes they descended, away from the lights of the Plaka, and nothing
he could say or do would make them stop.
He
stood rigid and silent, feeling a sharp pain he had not known before. Then a
curious and terrible thing happened. He went after them till he had them in
sight again. He became angry, really angry. Damn you. Punish you that you
hurt me! And lo and behold he felt a sudden sensation in his forehead, a
cold spasm just behind the bone. Out of him, a power seemed to leap as if it
were an invisible tongue. Instantly it penetrated the hindmost of the fleeing
trio, the female, and her body burst into flame.
Stupefied
he watched this. Yet he realized what had happened. He had penetrated her with
some sharply directed force. It had kindled the powerful combustible blood that
he and she had in common, and at once the fire had shot through the circuit of
her veins. Invading the marrow of her bones, it had caused her body to explode.
In seconds, she was no more.
Ye
gods! He had done this! In grief and terror, he stood staring down at her empty
clothes, unburnt, yet blackened and stained with grease. Only a little of her
hair was left on the stones, and this burnt away to wisps of smoke as he
watched.
Maybe
there was some mistake. But no, he knew he'd done it. He'd felt himself doing
it. And she had been so afraid!
In
shocked silence, he made his way home. He knew he'd never used this power
before, or even been aware of it. Had it come to him only now, after centuries
of the blood working, drying out his cells, making them thin and white and
strong like the chambers of a wasps' nest?
Alone
in his flat, with the candles and incense burning to comfort him, he pierced
himself again with his knife and watched the blood gush. Thick and hot it was,
pooling on the table before him, glittering in the light of the lamp as if it
was alive. And it was!
In the
mirror, he studied the darkening radiance which had returned to him after so
many weeks of dedicated hunting and drinking. A faint yellow tinge to his
cheeks, a trace of pink to his lips. But never mind, he was as the abandoned
skin of the snake lying on the rock-dead and light and crisp save for the
constant pumping of this blood. This vile blood. And his brain, ah, his brain,
what did it look like now? Translucent as a thing made of crystal with the
blood surging through its tiny compartments? And therein the power lived, did
it not, with its invisible tongue?
Going
out again, he tried this newfound force upon animals, upon the cats, for which he
had an unreasonable loathing-evil things, those creatures-and upon rats, which
all men disdain. Not the same. He killed these creatures with the invisible
tongue flick of energy, but they didn't catch fire. Rather the brains and
hearts suffered some sort of fatal rupture, but the natural blood in them, it
was not combustible. And so they did not burn.
This
fascinated him in a cold, harrowing fashion. "What a subject I am for
study," he whispered, eyes shining suddenly with unwelcome tears. Capes,
white ties, vampire movies, what was this to him! Who in hell was he?
The fool of the gods, roaming the road from moment to moment through eternity?
When he saw a great lurid poster of the Vampire Lestat mocking him in a video
store window, he turned and with the tongue flick of energy shattered the
glass.
Ah,
lovely, lovely. Give me the forests, the stars. He went to Delphi that night,
ascending soundlessly above the darkened land. Down into the moist grass he
went to walk where the oracle had once sat, in this the ruin of the god's
house.
But he
would not leave Athens. He must find the two blood drinkers, and tell them he
was sorry, that he would never, never use this power against them. They must
talk to him! They must be with him-! Yes.
The
next night upon awakening, he listened for them. And an hour later, he heard
them as they rose from their graves. A house in the Plaka was their lair, with
one of those noisy, smoky taverns open to the street. In its cellars they slept
by day, he realized, and came up by dark to watch the mortals of the tavern
sing and dance. Lamia, the old Greek word for vampire, was the name of this
establishment in which the electric guitars played the primitive Greek music,
and the young mortal men danced with one another, hips churning with all the
seductiveness of women, as the retsina flowed. On the walls hung pictures from
the vampire movies- Bela Lugosi as Dracula, the pale Gloria Holden as his
daughter- and posters of the blond and blue-eyed Vampire Lestat.
So they
too had a sense of humor, he thought gently. But the vampire pair, stunned with
grief and fear, sat together, staring at the open door as he peered in. How
helpless they looked!
They
did not move when they saw him standing on the threshold with his back to the
white glare of the street. What did they think when they saw his long cloak? A
monster come alive from their own posters to bring them destruction when so
little else on earth could?
I
come in peace. I only wish to speak with you. Nothing shall anger me. I come in...love.
The
pair appeared transfixed. Then suddenly one of them rose from the table, and
both gave a spontaneous and horrid cry. Fire blinded him as it blinded the
mortals who pushed past him in their sudden stampede to the street. The blood
drinkers were in flames, dying, caught in a hideous dance with twisted arms and
legs. The house itself was burning, rafters smoking, glass bottles exploding,
orange sparks shooting up to the lowering sky.
Had he
done this! Was he death to the others, whether he willed such a thing or not?
Blood
tears flowed down his white face onto his stiff shirt front. He lifted his arm
to shield his face with his cloak. It was a gesture of respect for the horror
happening before him-the blood drinkers dying within.
No,
couldn't have done it, couldn't. He let the mortals push him and shove him out
of the way. Sirens hurt his ears. He blinked as he tried to see, despite the
flashing lights.
And
then in a moment of violent understanding he knew that he had not done it.
Because he saw the being who had! There covered in a cloak of gray wool, and
half hidden in a dark alleyway, stood the one, silently watching him.
And as
their eyes met, she softly whispered his name:
"Khayman,
my Khayman!"
His mind
went blank. Wiped clean. It was as though a white light descended on him,
burning out all detail. He felt nothing for one serene moment. He heard no
noise of the raging fire, nothing of those who still jostled him as they went
past.
He
merely stared at this thing, this beautiful and delicate being, exquisite as
ever she had been. An unsupportable horror overcame him. He remembered
everything-everything he had ever seen or been or known.
The
centuries opened before him. The millennia stretched out, going back and back
to the very beginning, first Brood. He knew it all. He was shuddering, crying.
He heard himself say with all the rancor of an accusation:
"You!"
Suddenly,
in a great withering flash he felt the full force of her undisguised power. The
heat struck him in the chest, and he felt himself staggering backwards.
Ye
gods, you will kill me, too! But she could not hear his thoughts! He was knocked against the
whitewashed wall. A fierce pain collected in his head.
Yet he
continued to see, to feel, to think! And his heart beat steadily as before. He
was not burning!
And
then with sudden calculation, he gathered his strength and fought this unseen
energy with a violent thrust of his own.
"Ah,
it is malice again, my sovereign," he cried out in the ancient language.
How human the sound of his voice!
But it
was finished. The alleyway was empty. She was gone.
Or more
truly she had taken flight, rising straight upwards, just as he himself had
often done, and so fast that the eye could not see. Yes, he felt her receding
presence. He looked up and, without effort, found her-a tiny pen stroke moving
towards the west above the bits and pieces of pale cloud.
Raw
sounds shocked him-sirens, voices, the crackle of the burning house as its last
timbers collapsed. The little narrow street was jam-crowded; the bawling music
of the other taverns had not stopped. He drew back, away from the place,
weeping, with one backward glance for the domain of the dead blood drinkers.
Ah, how many thousands of years he could not count, and yet it was still the
same war.
For
hours he wandered the dark back streets. Athens grew quiet. People slept behind
wooden walls. The pavements shone in the mist that came as thick as rain. Like
a giant snail shell was his history, curling and immense above him, pressing
him down to the earth with its impossible weight.
Up a
hill he moved finally, and into the cool luxurious tavern of a great modern
steel and glass hotel. Black and white this place, just as he was, with its
checkered dance floor, black tables, black leather banquettes.
Unnoticed
he sank down on a bench in the flickering dimness, and he let his tears flow.
Like a fool he cried, with his forehead pressed to his arm.
Madness
did not come to him; neither did forgetfulness. He was wandering the centuries,
revisiting the places he had known with tender thoughtless intimacy. He cried
for all those he had known and loved.
But
what hurt him above all things was the great suffocating sense of the
beginning, the true beginning, even before that long ago day when he had lain
down in his house by the Nile in the noon stillness, knowing he must go to the
palace that night.
The
true beginning had been a year before when the King had said to him, "But
for my beloved Queen, I would take my pleasure of these two women. I would show
that they are not witches to be feared. You will do this in my stead."
It was
as real as this moment; the uneasy court gathered there watching; black-eyed
men and women in their fine linen skirts and elaborate black wigs, some
hovering behind the carved pillars, others proudly close to the throne. And the
red-haired twins standing before him, his beautiful prisoners whom he had come
to love in their captivity. I cannot do this. But he had done it. As the
court waited, as the King and the Queen waited, he had put on the King's
necklace with its gold medallion, to act for the King. And he had gone down the
steps from the dais, as the twins stared at him, and he had defiled them one
after the other.
Surely
this pain couldn't last.
Into
the womb of the earth he would have crawled, if he had had the strength for it.
Blessed ignorance, how he wanted it. Go to Delphi, wander in the high
sweet-smelling green grass. Pick the tiny wild flowers. Ah, would they open for
him, as for the light of the sun, if he held them beneath the lamp?
But
then he did not want to forget at all. Something had changed; something had
made this moment like no other. She had risen from her long slumber! He
had seen her in an Athens street with his own eyes! Past and present had become
one.
As his
tears dried, he sat back, listening, thinking.
Dancers
writhed on the lighted checkerboard before him. Women smiled at him. Was he a
beautiful porcelain Pierrot to them, with his white face and red-stained
cheeks? He raised his eyes to the video screen pulsing and glittering above the
room. His thoughts grew strong like his physical powers.
This
was now, the month of October, in the late twentieth century after the birth of
Christ. And only a handful of nights ago, he had seen the twins in his dreams!
No. There was no retreat. For him the true agony was just beginning, but that
did not matter. He was more alive than he had ever been.
He
wiped his face slowly with a small linen handkerchief. He washed his fingers in
the glass of wine before him, as if to consecrate them. And he looked up again
to the high video screen where the Vampire Lestat sang his tragic song.
Blue-eyed
demon, yellow hair flung wild about him, with the powerful arms and chest of a
young man. Jagged yet graceful his movements, lips seductive, voice full of
carefully modulated pain.
And
all this time you have been telling me, haven't you? Calling me! Calling her
name!
The video
image seemed to stare at him, respond to him, sing to him, when of course it
could not see him at all. Those Who Must Be Kept! My King and my Queen.
Yet he listened with his full attention to each syllable carefully articulated
above the din of horns and throbbing drums.
And
only when the sound and the image faded did he rise and leave the tavern to
walk blindly through the cool marble corridors of the hotel and into the
darkness outside.
Voices
called out to him, voices of blood drinkers the world over, signaling. Voices
that had always been there. They spoke of calamity, of converging to prevent
some horrid disaster. The Mother Walks. They spoke of the dreams of the
twins which they did not understand. And he had been deaf and blind to all
this!
"How
much you do not understand, Lestat," he whispered.
He
climbed to a dim promontory finally and gazed at the High City of temples far
beyond-broken white marble gleaming beneath the feeble stars.
"Damn
you, my sovereign!" he whispered. "Damn you into hell for what you
did, to all of us!" And to think that in this world of steel and gasoline,
of roaring electronic symphonies and silent gleaming computer circuitry, we
wander still.
But
another curse came back to him, far stronger than his own.
It had
come a year after the awful moment when he had raped the two women-a curse
screamed within the courtyard of the palace, under a night sky, as distant and
uncaring as this.
"Let
the spirits witness: for theirs is the knowledge of the future-both what it
would be, and what I will: You are the Queen of the Damned, that's what
you are! Evil is your only destiny. But at your greatest hour, it is I who will
defeat you. Look well on my face. It is I who will bring you down."
How
many times during the early centuries had he remembered those words? In how
many places across desert and mountains and through fertile river valleys had
he searched for the two red-haired sisters? Among the Bedouins who had once
sheltered them, among the hunters who wore skins still and the people of
Jericho, the oldest city in the world. They were already legend.
And
then blessed madness had descended; he had lost all knowledge, rancor, and
pain. He was Khayman, filled with love for all he saw around him, a being who
understood the world.
Could
it be that the hour had come? That the twins had somehow endured just as he
had? And for this great purpose his memory had been restored?
Ah,
what a lustrous and overwhelming thought, that the First Brood would come
together, that the First Brood would finally know victory.
But
with a bitter smile, he thought of the Vampire Lestat's human hunger for
heroism. Yes, my brother, forgive me for my scorn. I want it too, the
goodness, the glory. But there is likely no destiny, and no redemption. Only
what I see before me as I stand above this soiled and ancient landscape-just
birth and death, and horrors await us all.
He took
one last look at the sleeping city, the ugly and careworn modern place where he
had been so content, wandering over countless old graves.
And
then he went upwards, rising within seconds above the clouds. Now would come
the greatest test of this magnificent gift, and how he loved the sudden sense
of purpose, illusory though it might be. He moved west, towards the Vampire Lestat,
and towards the voices that begged for understanding of the dreams of the
twins. He moved west as she had moved before him.
His
cloak flared like sleek wings, and the delicious cold air bruised him and made
him laugh suddenly as if for one moment he were the happy simpleton again.
The dead don't share. Though they reach towards us from the grave (I swear they do) they do not hand their hearts to you. They hand their heads, the part that stares. STAN RICE from "Their Share" Body of Work (1983)
Cover her face: mine eyes dazzle; she died young. JOHN WEBSTER
iii. THE TALAMASCA Investigators of the Paranormal We watch And we are always here. London Amsterdam Rome
Jesse
was moaning in her sleep. She was a delicate woman of thirty-five with long
curly red hair. She lay deep in a shapeless feather mattress, cradled in a
wooden bed which hung from the ceiling on four rusted chains.
Somewhere
in the big rambling house a clock chimed. She must wake up. Two hours until the
Vampire Lestat's concert. But she could not leave the twins now.
This
was new to her, this part unfolding so rapidly, and the dream was maddeningly
dim as all the dreams of the twins had been. Yet she knew the twins were in the
desert kingdom again. The mob surrounding the twins was dangerous. And the
twins, how different they looked, how pale. Maybe it was an illusion, this
phosphorescent luster, but they appeared to glow in the semidarkness, and their
movements were languid, almost as if they were caught in the rhythm of a dance.
Torches were thrust at them as they embraced one another; but look, something
was wrong, very wrong. One of them was now blind.
Her
eyelids were shut tight, the tender flesh wrinkled and sunken. Yes, they have
plucked out her eyes. And the other one, why does she make those terrible
sounds? "Be still, don't fight anymore," said the blind one, in the
ancient language which was always understandable in the dreams. And out of the
other twin came a horrid, guttural moaning. She couldn't speak. They'd cut out
her tongue!
I don't
want to see any more, I want to wake up. But the soldiers were pushing their
way through the crowd, something dreadful was to happen, and the twins became
suddenly very still. The soldiers took hold of them, dragged them apart.
Don't
separate them! Don't you know what this means to them? Get the torches away.
Don't set them on fire! Don't burn their red hair.
The
blind twin reached out for her sister, screaming her name: "Mekare!"
And Mekare, the mute one, who could not answer, roared like a wounded beast.
The
crowd was parting, making way for two immense stone coffins, each carried on a
great heavy bier. Crude these sarcophagi, yet the lids had the roughened shape
of human faces, limbs. What have the twins done to be put in these coffins? I
can't stand it, the biers being set down, the twins dragged towards the
coffins, the crude stone lids being lifted. Don't do it! The blind one is
fighting as if she can see it, yet they are overpowering her, lifting her and
putting her inside the stone box. In mute terror, Mekare is watching, though
she herself is being dragged to the other bier. Don't lower the lid, or I will
scream for Mekare! For both of them-
Jesse
sat up, her eyes open. She had screamed.
Alone
in this house, with no one to hear her, she'd screamed, and she could feel the
echo still. Then nothing but the quiet settling around her, and the faint
creaking of the bed as it moved on its chains. The song of the birds outside in
the forest, the deep forest; and her own curious awareness that the clock had
struck six.
The
dream was fading rapidly. Desperately she tried to hold on to it, to see the
details that always slipped away-the clothing of these strange people, the
weapons the soldiers carried, the faces of the twins! But it was already gone.
Only the spell remained and an acute awareness of what had happened-and the
certainty that the Vampire Lestat was linked to these dreams.
Sleepily,
she checked her watch. No time left. She wanted to be in the auditorium when
the Vampire Lestat entered; she wanted to be at the very foot of the stage.
Yet she
hesitated, staring at the white roses on the bedside table. Beyond, through the
open window, she saw the southern sky full of a faint orange light. She picked
up the note that lay beside the flowers and she read it through once more.
My
darling,
I have
only just received your letter, as I am far from home and it took some time for
this to reach me. I understand the fascination which this creature, Lestat,
holds for you. They are playing his music even in Rio. I have already read the
books which you have enclosed. And I know of your investigation of this
creature for the Talamasca. As for your dreams of the twins, this we must talk
about together. It is of the utmost importance. For there are others who have
had such dreams. But I beg you-no, I order you not to go to this concert. You
must remain at the Sonoma compound until I get there. I am leaving Brazil as
soon as I can.
Wait
for me. I love you.
Your
aunt Maharet
"Maharet,
I'm sorry," she whispered. But it was unthinkable that she not go. And if
anyone in the world would understand, it was Maharet.
The Talamasca,
for whom she'd worked for twelve long years, would never forgive her for
disobeying their orders. But Maharet knew the reason; Maharet was the reason.
Maharet would forgive.
Dizzy.
The nightmare still wouldn't let go. The random objects of the room were
disappearing in the shadows, yet the twilight burned so clear suddenly that
even the forested hills were giving back the light. And the roses were
phosphorescent, like the white flesh of the twins in the dream.
White
roses, she tried to remember something she'd heard about white roses. You send
white roses for a funeral. But no, Maharet could not have meant that.
Jesse
reached out, took one of the blossoms in both hands, and the petals came loose
instantly. Such sweetness. She pressed them to her lips, and a faint yet
shining image came back to her from that long ago summer of Maharet in this
house in a candle-lighted room, lying on a bed of rose petals, so many white
and yellow and pink rose petals, which she had gathered up and pressed to her face
and her throat.
Had
Jesse really seen such a thing? So many rose petals caught in Maharet's long
red hair. Hair like Jesse's hair. Hair like the hair of the twins in the
dream-thick and wavy and streaked with gold.
It was
one of a hundred fragments of memory which she could never afterwards fit into
a whole. But it no longer mattered, what she could or could not remember of
that dreamy lost summer. The Vampire Lestat waited: there would be a finish if
not an answer, not unlike the promise of death itself.
She got
up. She put on the worn hacking jacket that was her second skin these days,
along with the boy's shirt, open at the neck, and the jeans she wore. She
slipped on her worn leather boots. Ran the brush through her hair.
Now to
take leave of the empty house she'd invaded this morning. It hurt her to leave
it. But it had hurt her more to come at all.
At the
first light, she'd arrived at the edge of the clearing, quietly stunned to
discover it unchanged after fifteen years, a rambling structure built into the
foot of the mountain, its roofs and pillared porches veiled in blue morning
glory vines. High above, half hidden in the grassy slopes, a few tiny secret
windows caught the first flash of morning light.
Like a
spy she'd felt as she came up the front steps with the old key in her hand. No
one had been here in months, it seemed. Dust and leaves wherever she looked.
Yet
there were the roses waiting in their crystal vase, and the letter for her
pinned to the door, with the new key in the envelope.
For
hours, she'd wandered, revisited, explored. Never mind that she was tired, that
she'd driven all night. She had to walk the long shaded galleries, to move
through the spacious and overwhelming rooms. Never had the place seemed so much
like a crude palace with its enormous timbers shouldering the rough-sawn plank
ceilings, the rusted smokestack chimneys rising from the round stone hearths.
Even
the furnishings were massive-the millstone tables, chairs and couches of unfinished
lumber piled with soft down pillows, bookshelves and niches carved into the
unpainted adobe walls.
It had
the crude medieval grandeur, this place. The bits and pieces of Mayan art, the
Etruscan cups and Hittite statues, seemed to belong here, amid the deep
casements and stone floors. It was like a fortress. It felt safe.
Only
Maharet's creations were full of brilliant color as if they'd drawn it from the
trees and sky outside. Memory hadn't exaggerated their beauty in the least.
Soft and thick the deep hooked wool rugs carrying the free pattern of woodland
flower and grass everywhere as if the rug were the earth itself. And the
countless quilted pillows with their curious stick figures and odd symbols, and
finally the giant hanging quilts-modern tapestries that covered the walls with
childlike pictures of fields, streams, mountains and forests, skies full of sun
and moon together, of glorious clouds and even falling rain. They had the
vibrant power of primitive painting with their myriad tiny bits of fabric sewn
so carefully to create the detail of cascading water or falling leaf.
It had
killed Jesse to see all this again.
By
noon, hungry and light-headed from the long sleepless night, she'd gotten the
courage to lift the latch from the rear door that led into the secret
windowless rooms within the mountain itself. Breathless, she had followed the
stone passage. Her heart pounded as she found the library unlocked and switched
on the lamps.
Ah,
fifteen years ago, simply the happiest summer of her life. All her wonderful
adventures afterwards, ghost hunting for the Talamasca, had been nothing to
that magical and unforgettable time.
She and
Maharet in this library together, with the fire blazing. And the countless
volumes of the family history, amazing her and delighting her. The lineage of
"the Great Family," as Maharet always called it-"the thread we
cling to in the labyrinth which is life." How lovingly she had taken down
the books for Jesse, unlocked for her the caskets that contained the old parchment
scrolls.
Jesse
had not fully accepted it that summer, the implications of all she'd seen.
There had been a slow confusion, a delicious suspension of ordinary reality, as
if the papyruses covered with a writing she could not classify belonged more truly
to dream. After all, Jesse had already become a trained archaeologist by that
time. She'd done her time on digs in Egypt and at Jericho. Yet she could not
decipher those strange glyphs. In the name of God, how old were these
things?
For
years after, she'd tried to remember other documents she'd seen. Surely she had
come into the library one morning and discovered a back room with an open door.
Into a
long corridor, she'd gone past other unlighted rooms. She'd found a light
switch finally, and seen a great storage place full of clay tablets-clay
tablets covered with tiny pictures! Without doubt, she'd held these things in
her hands.
Something
else had happened; something she had never really wanted to recall. Was there
another hallway? She knew for certain that there had been a curving iron
stairway which took her down into lower rooms with plain earthen walls. Tiny
bulbs were fixed in old porcelain light sockets, She had pulled chains to turn
them on.
Surely
she had done that. Surely she had opened a heavy redwood door...
For
years after, it had come back to her in little flashes-a vast, low-ceilinged
room with oak chairs, a table and benches that looked as if they were made from
stone. And what else? Something that at first seemed utterly familiar. And
then-
Later
that night, she'd remembered nothing but the stairway. Suddenly it was ten
o'clock, and she'd just awakened and Maharet was standing at the foot of her
bed. Maharet had come to her and kissed her. Such a lovely warm kiss; it had
sent a low throbbing sensation through her. Maharet said they'd found her down
by the creek, asleep in the clearing, and at sunset, they'd brought her in.
Down by
the creek? For months after, she'd actually "remembered" falling asleep
there. In fact, it was a rather rich "recollection" of the peace and
stillness of the forest, of the water singing over the rocks. But it had never
happened, of that she was now sure.
But on
this day, some fifteen years later, she had found no evidence one way or the
other of these half-remembered things. Rooms were bolted against her. Even the
neat volumes of the family history were in locked glass cases which she dared
not disturb.
Yet
never had she believed so firmly in what she could recall. Yes, clay tablets
covered with nothing but tiny stick figures for persons, trees, animals. She'd
seen them, taken them off the shelves and held them under the feeble overhead
light. And the stairway, and the room that frightened her, no, terrified her,
yes... all there.
Nevertheless,
it had been paradise here, in those warm summer days and nights, when she had
sat by the hour talking to Maharet, when she had danced with Mael and Maharet
by the light of the moon. Forget for now the pain afterwards, trying to understand
why Maharet had sent her back home to New York never to come here again.
My
darling,
The
fact is I love you too much. My life will engulf yours if we are not separated.
You must have freedom, Jesse, to devise your own plans, ambitions, dreams...
It was
not to relive the old pain that she had returned, it was to know again, for a
little while, the joy that had gone before.
Fighting
weariness this afternoon, she'd wandered out of the house finally, and down the
long lane through the oaks. So easy to find the old paths through the dense
redwoods. And the clearing, ringed in fern and clover on the steep rocky banks
of the shallow rushing creek.
Here
Maharet had once guided her through total darkness, down into the water and
along a path of stones. Mael had joined them. Maharet had poured the wine for
Jesse, and they had sung together a song Jesse could never recall afterwards,
though now and then she would find herself humming this eerie melody with
inexplicable accuracy, then stop, aware of it, unable to find the proper note
again.
She
might have fallen asleep near the creek in the deep mingled sounds of the
forest, so like the false "recollection" of years ago.
So
dazzling the bright green of the maples, catching the rare shafts of light. And
the redwoods, how monstrous they seemed in the unbroken quiet. Mammoth,
indifferent, soaring hundreds of feet before their somber lacy foliage closed
on the frayed margin of sky.
And
she'd known what the concert tonight, with Lestat's screaming fans, would
demand of her. But she'd been afraid that the dream of the twins would start
again.
Finally,
she'd gone back to the house, and taken the roses and the letter with her. Her
old room. Three o'clock. Who wound the clocks of this place that they knew the
hour? The dream of the twins was stalking her. And she was simply too tired to
fight anymore. The place felt so good to her. No ghosts here of the kind she'd
encountered so many times in her work. Only the peace. She'd lain down on the
old hanging bed, on the quilt that she herself had made so carefully with
Maharet that summer. And sleep-and the twins-had come together.
Now she
had two hours to get to San Francisco, and she must leave this house, maybe in
tears, again. She checked her pockets. Passport, papers, money, keys.
She
picked up her leather bag, slung it over her shoulder, and hurried through the
long passage to the stairs. Dusk was coming fast, and when darkness did cover
the forest, nothing would be visible at all.
There was
still a bit of sunlight in the main hall when she reached it. Through the
western windows, a few long dusty rays illuminated the giant tapestry quilt on
the wall.
Jesse
caught her breath as she looked at it. Always her favorite, for its intricacy,
its size. At first it seemed a great mass of random tiny prints and
patches-then gradually the wooded landscape emerged from the myriad pieces of
cloth. One minute you saw it; the next it was gone. That's how it had happened
over and over again that summer when, drunk with wine, she had walked back and
forth before it, losing the picture, then recovering it: the mountain, the
forest, a tiny village nestled in the green valley below.
"I'm
sorry, Maharet-," she whispered again softly. She had to go. Her journey
was nearly ended.
But as
she looked away, something in the quitted picture caught her eye. She turned
back, studied it again. Were there figures there, which she had never seen?
Once more it was a swarm of stitched-together fragments. Then slowly the flank
of the mountain emerged, then the olive trees, and finally the rooftops of the
village, no more than yellow huts scattered on the smooth valley floor. The
figures? She could not find them. That is, until she again turned her head
away. In the corner of her eye, they were visible for a split second. Two tiny
figures holding each other, women with red hair!
Slowly,
almost cautiously she turned back to the picture. Her heart was skipping. Yes,
there. But was it an illusion?
She
crossed the room until she stood directly before the quilt. She reached up and
touched it. Yes! Each little rag-doll being had a tiny pair of green buttons
for its eyes, a carefully sewn nose and red mouth! And the hair, the hair was
red yarn, crimped into jagged waves and delicately sewn over the white
shoulders.
She
stared at it, half disbelieving. Yet there they were-the twins! And as she
stood there, petrified, the room began to darken. The last light had slipped
below the horizon. The quilt was fading before her eyes into an unreadable
pattern.
In a
daze, she heard the clock strike the quarter hour. Call the Talamasca. Call
David in London. Tell him part of it, anything- But that was out of the
question and she knew it. And it broke her heart to realize that no matter what
did happen to her tonight, the Talamasca would never know the whole story.
She
forced herself to leave, to lock the door behind her and walk across the deep
porch and down the long path.
She
didn't fully understand her feelings, why she was so shaken and on the verge of
tears. It confirmed her suspicions, all she thought she knew. And yet she was
frightened. She was actually crying.
Wait
for Maharet.
But
that she could not do. Maharet would charm her, confuse her, drive her away
from the mystery in the name of love. That's what had happened in that long ago
summer. The Vampire Lestat withheld nothing. The Vampire Lestat was the crucial
piece in the puzzle. To see him and touch him was to validate everything.
The red
Mercedes roadster started instantly. And with a spray of gravel she backed up,
turned, and made for the narrow un-paved road. The convertible top was down;
she'd be frozen by the time she reached San Francisco, but it didn't matter.
She loved the cold air on her face, she loved to drive fast.
The
road plunged at once into the darkness of the woods. Not even the rising moon
could penetrate here. She pushed to forty, swinging easily into the sudden
turns. Her sadness grew heavier suddenly, but there were no more tears. The
Vampire Lestat... almost there.
When at
last she hit the county road, she was speeding, singing to herself in syllables
she could hardly hear above the wind. Full darkness came just as she roared
through the pretty little city of Santa Rosa and connected with the broad swift
current of Highway 101 south.
The
coastal fog was drifting in. It made ghosts of the dark hills to the east and
west. Yet the bright flow of tail lamps illuminated the road ahead of her. Her
excitement was mounting. One hour to the Golden Gate. The sadness was leaving
her. All her life she'd been confident, lucky; and sometimes impatient with the
more cautious people she'd known. And despite her sense of fatality on this
night, her keen awareness of the dangers she was approaching, she felt her
usual luck might be with her. She wasn't really afraid.
She'd
been born lucky, as she saw it, found by the side of the road minutes after the
car crash that had killed her seven-months-pregnant teenaged mother-a baby
spontaneously aborted from the dying womb, and screaming loudly to clear her
own tiny lungs when the ambulance arrived.
She had
no name for two weeks as she languished in the county hospital, condemned for
hours to the sterility and coldness of machines; but the nurses had adored her,
nicknaming her "the sparrow," and cuddling her and singing to her
whenever allowed.
Years
later they were to write to her, sending along the snapshots they'd taken,
telling her little stories, which had greatly amplified her early sense of
having been loved.
It was
Maharet who at last came for her, identifying her as the sole survivor of the
Reeves family of South Carolina and taking her to New York to live with cousins
of a different name and background. There she was to grow up in a lavish old
two-story apartment on Lexington Avenue with Maria and Matthew Godwin, who gave
her not only love but everything she could want. An English nanny had slept in
her room till Jesse was twelve years old.
She
could not remember when she'd learned that her aunt Maharet had provided for her,
that she could go on to any college and any career she might choose. Matthew
Godwin was a doctor, Maria was a sometime dancer and teacher; they were frank
about their attachment to Jesse, their dependence upon her. She was the
daughter they had always wanted, and these had been rich and happy years.
The
letters from Maharet started before she was old enough to read. They were
wonderful, often full of colorful postcards and odd pieces of currency from the
countries where Maharet lived. Jesse had a drawer full of rupees and lire by
the time she was seventeen. But more important, she had a friend in Maharet,
who answered every line she ever wrote with feeling and care.
It was
Maharet who inspired her in her reading, encouraged her music lessons and painting
classes, arranged her summer tours of Europe and finally her admission to
Columbia, where Jesse studied ancient languages and art.
It was
Maharet who arranged her Christmas visits with European cousins-the Scartinos
of Italy, a powerful banking family who lived in a villa outside Siena, and the
humbler Borchardts of Paris, who welcomed her to their overcrowded but cheerful
home.
The
summer that Jesse turned seventeen she went to Vienna to meet the Russian
émigré branch of the family, young fervent intellectuals and musicians whom she
greatly loved. Then it was off to England to meet the Reeves family, directly
connected to the Reeveses of South Carolina, who had left England centuries
ago.
When
she was eighteen, she'd gone to visit the Petralona cousins in their villa on
Santorini, rich and exotic-looking Greeks. They had lived in near feudal
splendor, surrounded by peasant servants, and had taken Jesse with them on a
spur-of-the-moment voyage aboard their yacht to Istanbul, Alexandria, and
Crete.
Jesse
had almost fallen in love with young Constantin Petralona. Maharet had let her
know the marriage would have everyone's blessing, but she must make her own
decision. Jesse had kissed her lover good-bye and flown back to America, the
university, and preparation for her first archaeological dig in Iraq.
But
even through the college years, she remained as close to the family as ever.
Everyone was so good to her. But then everyone was good to everyone else.
Everyone believed in the family. Visits among the various branches were common;
frequent intermarriage had made endless entanglements; every family house
contained rooms in constant readiness for relatives who might drop in. Family
trees seemed to go back forever; people passed on funny stories about famous
relatives who had been dead for three or four hundred years. Jesse had felt a
great communion with these people, no matter how different they seemed.
In Rome
she was charmed by the cousins who drove their sleek Ferraris at breakneck
speed, stereos blaring, and went home at night to a charming old palazzo where
the plumbing didn't work and the roof leaked. The Jewish cousins in southern
California were a dazzling bunch of musicians, designers, and producers who had
one way or the other been connected with the motion pictures and the big
studios for fifty years. Their old house off Hollywood Boulevard was home to a
score of unemployed actors. Jesse could live in the attic if she wanted to;
dinner was served at six to anybody and everybody who walked in.
But who
was this woman Maharet, who had always been Jesse's distant but ever attentive
mentor, who guided her studies with frequent and thoughtful letters, who gave
her the personal direction to which she so productively responded and which she
secretly craved?
To all
the cousins whom Jesse was ever to visit, Maharet was a palpable presence
though her visits were so infrequent as to be remarkable. She was the keeper of
the records of the Great Family, that is, all the branches under many names
throughout the world. It was she who frequently brought members together, even
arranging marriages to unite different branches, and the one who could
invariably provide help in times of trouble, help that could sometimes mean the
difference between life and death.
Before
Maharet, there had been her mother, now called Old Maharet, and before that
Great-aunt Maharet and so forth and so on as long as anybody could remember.
"There will always be a Maharet" was an old family saying, rattled
off in Italian as easily as in German or Russian or Yiddish or Greek. That is,
a single female descendant in each generation would take the name and the
record-keeping obligations, or so it seemed, anyhow, for no one save Maharet
herself really knew those details.
"When
will I meet you?" Jesse had written many times over the years. She had
collected the stamps off the envelopes from Delhi and Rio and Mexico City, from
Bangkok, and Tokyo and Lima and Saigon and Moscow.
All the
family were devoted to this woman and fascinated by her, but with Jesse there
was another secret and powerful connection.
From
her earliest years, Jesse had had "unusual" experiences, unlike those
of the people around her.
For
example, Jesse could read people's thoughts in a vague, wordless way. She
"knew" when people disliked her or were lying to her. She had a gift
for languages because she frequently understood the "gist" even when
she did not know the vocabulary.
And she
saw ghosts-people and buildings that could not possibly be there.
When
she was very little she often saw the dim gray outline of an elegant town house
across from her window in Manhattan. She'd known it wasn't real, and it made
her laugh at first, the way it came and went, sometimes transparent, other
times as solid as the street itself, with lights behind its lace-curtained
windows. Years passed before she learned that the phantom house had once been
the property of architect Stanford White. It had been torn down decades ago.
The
human images she saw were not at first so well formed. On the contrary, they
were brief flickering apparitions that often compounded the inexplicable
discomfort she felt in particular places.
But as
she got older these ghosts became more visible, more enduring. Once on a dark
rainy afternoon, the translucent figure of an old woman had ambled towards her
and finally passed right through her. Hysterical, Jesse had run into a nearby
shop, where clerks had called Matthew and Maria. Over and over Jesse tried to
describe the woman's troubled face, her bleary-eyed stare which seemed utterly
blind to the real world about her.
Friends
often didn't believe Jesse when she described these things. Yet they were
fascinated and begged her to repeat the stories. It left Jesse with an ugly
vulnerable feeling. So she tried not to tell people about the ghosts, though by
the time she was in her early teens she was seeing these lost souls more and
more often.
Even
walking in the dense crowds of Fifth Avenue at midday she glimpsed these pale
searching creatures. Then one morning in Central Park, when Jesse was sixteen,
she saw the obvious apparition of a young man sitting on a bench not far from
her. The park was crowded, noisy; yet the figure seemed detached, a part of
nothing around it, The sounds around Jesse began to go dim as if the thing were
absorbing them. She prayed for it to go away. Instead it turned and fixed its
eyes on her. It tried to speak to her.
Jesse
ran all the way home. She was in a panic. These things knew her now, she told
Matthew and Maria. She was afraid to leave the apartment. Finally Matthew gave
her a sedative and told her she would be able to sleep. He left the door of her
room open so she wouldn't be frightened.
As
Jesse lay there halfway between dream and waking, a young girl came in. Jesse realized
she knew this young girl; of course, she was one of the family, she'd always
been here, right by Jesse, they'd talked lots of times, hadn't they, and no
surprise at all that she was so sweet, so loving, and so familiar. She was just
a teenager, no older than Jesse.
She sat
on Jesse's bed and told Jesse not to worry, that these spirits could never hurt
her. No ghost had ever hurt anybody. They didn't have the power. They were poor
pitiful weak things. "You write to Aunt Maharet," the girl said, and
then she kissed Jesse and brushed the hair back out of Jesse's face. The
sedative was really working then. Jesse couldn't even keep her eyes open. There
was a question she wanted to ask about the car wreck when she was born, but she
couldn't think of it. "Good-bye, sweetheart," said the girl and Jesse
was asleep before the girl had left the room.
When
she woke up it was two o'clock in the morning. The flat was dark. She began her
letter to Maharet immediately, recounting every strange incident that she could
remember.
It
wasn't until dinnertime that she thought of the young girl with a start.
Impossible that such a person had been living here and was familiar and had
always been around. How could she have accepted such a thing? Even in her
letter she had said, "Of course Miriam was here and Miriam said..."
And who was Miriam? A name on Jesse's birth certificate. Her mother.
Jesse
told no one what had happened. Yet a comforting warmth enveloped her. She could
feel Miriam here, she was sure of it.
Maharet's
letter came five days later. Maharet believed her. These spirit apparitions
were nothing surprising at all. Such things most certainly did exist, and Jesse
was not the only person who saw them:
Our
family over the generations has contained many a seer of spirits. And as you
know these were the sorcerers and witches of ages past. Frequently this power
appears in those who are blessed with your physical attributes: your green
eyes, pale skin, and red hair. It would seem the genes travel together. Maybe science
one day will explain this to us. But for now be assured that your powers are
entirely natural.
This
does not mean, however, that they are constructive. Though spirits are real,
they make almost no difference in the scheme of things! They can be childish,
vindictive, and deceitful. By and large you cannot help the entities who try to
communicate with you, and sometimes you are merely gazing at a lifeless
ghost-that is, a visual echo of a personality no longer present.
Don't
fear them, but do not let them waste your time. For that they love to do, once
they know that you can see them. As for Miriam, you must tell me if you see her
again. But as you have done as she asked in writing to me I do not think she
will find it necessary to return. In all probability she is quite above the sad
antics of those whom you see most often. Write to me about these things
whenever they frighten you. But try not to tell others. Those who do not see
will never believe you.
This
letter proved invaluable to Jesse. For years she carried it with her, in her
purse or pocket wherever she went. Not only had Maharet believed her, but
Maharet had given her a way to understand and survive this troublesome power.
Everything that Maharet said had made sense.
After
that Jesse was occasionally frightened again by spirits; and she did share
these secrets with her closest friends. But by and large she did as Maharet had
instructed her, and the powers ceased to bother her. They seemed to go dormant.
She forgot them for long periods.
Maharet's
letters came with ever greater frequency. Maharet was her confidante, her best
friend. As Jesse entered college, she had to admit that Maharet was more real
to her through the letters than anyone else she had ever known. But she had
long come to accept that they might never see each other.
Then
one evening during Jesse's third year at Columbia she had opened the door of
her apartment to discover the lights burning, and a fire going under the
mantel, and a tall, thin red-haired woman standing at the andirons with the
poker.
Such
beauty! That had been Jesse's first overwhelming impression. Skillfully
powdered and painted, the face had an Oriental artifice, save for the
remarkable intensity of the green eyes and the thick curly red hair pouring
down over the shoulders. "My darling," the woman said. "It's
Maharet." Jesse had rushed into her arms. But Maharet had caught her,
gently holding her apart as if to look at her. Then she'd covered Jesse with
kisses, as if she dared not touch her in any other way, her gloved hands barely
holding Jesse's arms. It had been a lovely and delicate moment. Jesse had
stroked Maharet's soft thick red hair. So like her own.
"You
are my child," Maharet had whispered. "You are everything I had hoped
you would be. Do you know how happy I am?" Like ice and fire, Maharet had
seemed that night. Immensely strong, yet irrepressibly warm. A thin, yet
statuesque creature with a tiny waist and flowing skins, she had the high-toned
mystery of fashion manikins, the eerie glamour of women who have made of
themselves sculpture, her long brown wool cape moving with sweeping grace as
they left the flat together. Yet how easy with one another they had been.
It had
been a long night on the town; they'd gone to galleries, the theater, and then to
a late night supper though Maharet had wanted nothing. She was too excited, she
said. She did not even remove her gloves. She wanted only to listen to all that
Jesse had to tell her. And Jesse had talked unendingly about everything-
Columbia, her work in archaeology, her dreams of fieldwork in Mesopotamia.
So
different from the intimacy of letters. They had even walked through Central
Park in the pitch darkness together, Maharet telling Jesse there was not the
slightest reason to be afraid. And it had seemed entirely normal then, hadn't
it? And so beautiful, as if they were following the paths of an enchanted
forest, fearing nothing, talking in excited yet hushed voices. How divine to
feel so safe! Near dawn, Maharet left Jesse at the apartment with promises to
bring her to visit in California very soon. Maharet had a house there, in the
Sonoma mountains.
But two
years were to pass before the invitation ever came. Jesse had just finished her
bachelor's degree. She was scheduled to work on a dig in Lebanon in July.
"You
must come for two weeks," Maharet had written. The plane ticket was
enclosed. Mael, "a dear friend," would fetch her from the airport.
Though
Jesse hadn't admitted it at the time, there had been strange things happening
from the start.
Mael,
for instance, a tall overpowering man with long wavy blond hair and deep-set
blue eyes. There had been something almost eerie about the way he moved, the
timbre of his voice, the precise way he handled the car as they drove north to
Sonoma County. He'd worn the rawhide clothes of a rancher it seemed, even to
the alligator boots, except for a pair of exquisite black kid gloves and a
large pair of gold-rimmed blue-tinted glasses.
And yet
he'd been so cheerful, so glad to see her, and she'd liked him immediately.
She'd told him the story of her life before they reached Santa Rosa. He had the
most lovely laugh. But Jesse had gotten positively dizzy looking at him once or
twice. Why? The compound itself was unbelievable. Who could have built such a
place? It was at the end of an impossible unpaved road, to begin with; and its
back rooms had been dug out of the mountain, as if by enormous machines. Then
there were the roof timbers. Were they primeval redwood? They must have been
twelve feet in girth. And the adobe walls, positively ancient. Had there been
Europeans in California so long ago that they could have... but what did it
matter? The place was magnificent, finally. She loved the round iron hearths
and animal-skin rugs, and the huge library and the crude observatory with its
ancient brass telescope.
She had
loved the good-hearted servants who came each morning from Santa Rosa to clean,
do laundry, prepare the sumptuous meals. It did not even bother her that she
was alone so much. She loved walking in the forest. She went into Santa Rosa
for novels and newspapers. She studied the tapestried quilts. There were
ancient artifacts here she could not identify; which she loved examining.
Aerials high on the maintain brought television broadcasts from far and wide.
There was a cellar movie theater complete with projector, screen, and n immense
collection of films. On warm afternoons she swam in the pond to the south of
the house. As dusk fell bringing the inevitable northern California chill, huge
fires blazed in every room of the house.
Of course the grandest discovery for her had been the family history
that there were countless leader volumes tracing the lineage of all the
branches of the Great family for centuries back. She was thrilled to discover
photograph albums by the hundreds, and trunks full of painted portraits, some
no more than tiny oval miniatures others large canvases now layered with dust.
At once
she devoured the history of the Reeveses of South Carolina, her own people-rich
before the Civil War, and ruined after Their photographs were almost more than
she could bear. Here at last were the forebears she truly resembled; she could
see her features in their faces. They had her pale skin even her expression!
And two of them had her long curly red hair. To Jesse an adopted child, this
had a very special significance.
It was
only towards the end of her stay that Jesse began to realize the implications
of the family records, as she opened scrolls covered with ancient Latin, Greek,
and finally Egyptian hieroglyphics Never afterwards was she able to pinpoint
the discovery of the clay tablets deep within the cellar room. But the recovery
of the memory of her conversations with Maharet were never clouded. They'd
talked for hours about the family chronicles.
Jesse
had begged to work with the family history. She would have given up school for
this library. She wanted to translate and adapt the old records and feed them
into computers. Why not publish the story of the Great Family? For surely such
a long lineage was highly unusual, if not absolutely unique! Even the crowned
heads of Europe could not trace themselves this far back.
Maharet
had been patient with Jesses enthusiasm, reminding her that it was
time-consuming and unrewarding work. After all, it was only the story of one
family's progress through the centuries- sometimes there were only lists of
names in the record or short descriptions of uneventful lives, tallies of
births and deaths, and records of migration.
Good
memories, those conversations. And the soft mellow light of the library, the
delicious smells of the old leather and parchment, of the candles and the
blazing fire. And Maharet by the hearth, the lovely manikin, her pale green
eyes covered with large faintly tinted glasses, cautioning Jesse that the work
might engulf her, keep her from better things. It was the Great Family that
mattered, not the record of it, it was the vitality in each generation, and the
knowledge and love of one's kin. The record merely made this possible.
Jesse's
longing for this work was greater than anything she'd ever known. Surely
Maharet would let her stay here! She'd have years in this library, discovering
finally the very origins of the family!
Only
afterwards did she see it as an astounding mystery, and one among many during
that summer. Only afterwards, had so many little things preyed on her mind.
For
example, Maharet and Mael simply never appeared until after dark, and the
explanation-they slept all day-was no explanation at all. And where did they
sleep?-that was another question. Their rooms lay empty all day with the doors
open, the closets overflowing with exotic and spectacular clothes. At sunset
they would appear almost as if they'd materialized. Jesse would look up.
Maharet would be standing by the hearth, her makeup elaborate and flawless, her
clothes dramatic, her jeweled earrings and necklace sparkling in the broken
light. Mael, dressed as usual in soft brown buckskin jacket and pants, stood
silently against the wall.
But
when Jesse asked about their strange hours, Maharet's answers were utterly
convincing! They were pale beings, they detested sunlight, and they did stay up
so late! True. Why, at four in the morning, they were still arguing with each
other about politics or history, and from such a bizarre and grand perspective,
calling cities by their ancient names, and sometimes speaking in a rapid,
strange tongue that Jesse could not classify, let alone understand. With her
psychic gift, she sometimes knew what they were saying; but the strange sounds
baffled her.
And
something about Mael rankled Maharet, it was obvious. Was he her lover? It did
not really seem so.
Then it
was the way that Mael and Maharet kept speaking to each other, as if they were
reading each other's minds. All of a sudden, Mael would say, "But I told
you not to worry," when in fact Maharet had not said a word out loud. And
sometimes they did it with Jesse too. One time, Jesse was certain, Maharet had
called her, asked her to come down to the main dining hall, though Jesse could
have sworn she heard the voice only in her head. Of course Jesse was psychic.
But were Mael and Maharet both powerful psychics as well?
Dinner:
that was another thing-the way that Jesse's favorite dishes appeared. She
didn't have to tell the servants what she liked and didn't like. They knew!
Escargots, baked oysters, fettucini alia carbonara, beef Wellington, any and
all her favorites were the nightly fare. And the wine, she had never tasted
such delicious vintages. Yet Maharet and Mael ate like birds, or so it seemed.
Sometimes they sat out the entire meal with their gloves on.
And the
strange visitors, what about them? Santino, for instance, a black-haired
Italian, who arrived one evening on foot, with a youthful companion named Eric.
Santino had stared at Jesse as if she were an exotic animal, then he'd kissed
her hand and given her a gorgeous emerald ring, which had disappeared without
explanation several nights later. For two hours Santino had argued with Maharet
in that same unusual language, then left in a rage, with the flustered Eric.
Then
there were the strange nighttime parties. Hadn't Jesse awakened twice at three
or four in the morning to find the house full of people? There had been people
laughing and talking in every room. And all of these people had something in
common. They were very pale with remarkable eyes, much like Mael and Maharet.
But Jesse had been so sleepy. She couldn't even remember going back to bed.
Only that at one point she had been surrounded by several very beautiful young
men who filled a glass of wine for her, and the next thing she knew it was
morning. She was in bed. The sun was pouring through the window. The house was
empty.
Also,
Jesse had heard things at odd hours. The roar of helicopters, small planes. Yet
no one said a word about such things.
But
Jesse was so happy! These things seemed of no consequence! Maharet's answers
would banish Jesse's doubts in an instant. Yet how unusual that Jesse would
change her mind like that. Jesse was such a confident person. Her own feelings
were often known to her at once. She was actually rather stubborn.
And yet
she always had two attitudes towards various things Maharet told her. On the
one hand, "Why, that's ridiculous," and on the other, "Of
course!"
But
Jesse was having too much fun to care. She spent the first few evenings of her
visit talking with Maharet and Mael about archaeology. And Maharet was a fund
of information though she had some very strange ideas.
For
example, she maintained that the discovery of agriculture had actually come
about because tribes who lived very well by hunting wanted to have
hallucinogenic plants ever available to them for religious trances. And also
they wanted beer. Never mind that there wasn't a shred of archaeological
evidence. Just keep digging. Jesse would find out.
Mael
read poetry out loud beautifully; Maharet sometimes played the piano, very
slowly, meditatively. Eric reappeared for a couple of nights, joining them
enthusiastically in their singing. He'd brought films with him from Japan and
Italy, and they'd had a splendid time watching these. Kwaidan, in particular,
had been quite impressive, though frightening. And the Italian Juliet of the
Spirits had made Jesse break into tears.
All of these
people seemed to find Jesse interesting. In fact, Mael asked her incredibly odd
questions. Had she ever in her life smoked a cigarette? What did chocolate
taste like? How could she dare to go with young men alone in automobiles or to
their apartments? Didn't she realize they might kill her? She had almost
laughed. No, but seriously, that could happen, he insisted. He worked himself
into a state over it. Look at the papers. Women of the modern cities were
hunted by men like deer in the wood.
Best to
get him off that subject, and onto his travels. His descriptions of all the
places he'd been were marvelous. He'd lived for years in the jungles of the
Amazon. Yet he would not fly in "an aeroplane." That was too
dangerous. What if it exploded? And he didn't like "cloth garments"
because they were too fragile.
Jesse
had a very peculiar moment with Mael. They'd been talking together at the
dining table. She'd been explaining about the ghosts she sometimes saw, and he
had referred to these crossly as the addlebrained dead, or the insane dead,
which had made her laugh in spite of herself. But it was true; ghosts did
behave as if they were a little addlebrained, that was the horror of it. Do we
cease to exist when we die? Or do we linger in a stupid state, appearing to
people at odd moments and making nonsensical remarks to mediums? When had a
ghost ever said anything interesting?
"But
they are merely the earthbound, of course," Mael had said, "Who knows
where we go when we at last let loose of the flesh and all its seductive
pleasures?"
Jesse
had been quite drunk by this time, and she felt a terrible dread coming over
her-thoughts of the old ghost mansion of Stanford White, and the spirits
roaming the New York crowds, She'd focused sharply upon Mael, who for once was
not wearing his gloves or his tinted glasses. Handsome Mael, whose eyes were
very blue except for a bit of blackness at the centers.
"Besides,"
Mael had said, "there are other spirits who have always been here. They
were never flesh and blood; and it makes them so angry."
What a
curious idea. "How do you know this?" Jesse had asked, still staring
at Mael. Mael was beautiful. The beauty was the sum of the faults-the hawk
nose, the too prominent jaw, the leanness of the face with the wild wavy straw-colored
hair around it. Even the eyes were too deep-set, yet all the more visible for
it. Yes, beautiful-to embrace, to kiss, to invite to bed... In fact, the
attraction she'd always felt to him was suddenly overwhelming.
Then,
an odd realization had seized her. This isn't a human being. This is
something pretending to be a human being. It was so clear. But it was also
ridiculous! If it wasn't a human being, what the hell was it? It certainly was
no ghost or spirit. That was obvious.
"I
guess we don't know what's real or unreal," she had said without meaning
to. "You stare at anything long enough and suddenly it looks
monstrous." She had in fact turned away from him to stare at the bowl of
flowers in the middle of the table. Old tea roses, falling to pieces amid the
baby's breath and fern and purple zinnias. And they did look absolutely alien,
these things, the way that insects always do, and sort of horrible! What were
these things, really? Then the bowl broke into pieces and the water went
everywhere. And Mael had said quite sincerely, "Oh, forgive me. I didn't
mean to do that."
Now
that had happened, without question. Yet it had made not the slightest impact.
Mael had slipped away for a walk in the woods, kissing her forehead before he
went, his hand trembling suddenly as he reached to touch her hair and then
apparently thought the better of it.
Of
course, Jesse had been drinking. In fact, Jesse drank too much the entire time
she was there. And no one seemed to notice. Now and then they went out and danced
in the clearing under the moon. It was not an organized dancing. They would
move singly, in circles, gazing up at the sky. Mael would hum or Maharet would
sing songs in the unknown language.
What
had been her state of mind to do such things for hours? And why had she never
questioned, even in her mind, Mael's strange manner of wearing gloves about the
house, or walking in the dark with his sunglasses on?
Then
one morning well before dawn, Jesse had gone to bed drunk and had a terrible
dream. Mael and Maharet were fighting with each other. Mael kept saying over
and over:
"But
what if she dies? What if somebody kills her, or a car hits her? What if, what
if, what if..." It had become a deafening roar. Then several nights later
the awful and final catastrophe had begun. Mael had been gone for a while, but
then he'd returned. She'd been drinking burgundy all evening long, and she was
standing on the terrace with him and he had kissed her and she had lost
consciousness and yet she knew what was going on. He was holding her, kissing
her breasts, yet she was slipping down through a fathomless darkness. Then the
girl had come again, the teenaged girl who'd come to her that time in New York
when she was so afraid. Only Maef couldn't see the girl, and of course Jesse
knew exactly who she was, Jesse's mother, Miriam, and that Miriam was afraid.
Mael had suddenly released Jesse. "Where is she!" he'd cried out
angrily. Jesse had opened her eyes. Maharet was there. She struck Mael so hard
he flew backwards over the railing of the terrace. And Jesse screamed, pushing
aside the teenaged girl accidentally as she ran to look over the edge.
Far
down there in the clearing Mael stood, unhurt. Impossible, yet obviously the case.
He was on his feet already, and he made Maharet a deep ceremonial bow. He stood
in the light falling from the windows of the lower rooms, and he blew a kiss to
Maharet. Maharet looked sad, but she smiled. She'd said something under her
breath and made a little dismissive gesture to Mael, as if to say she wasn't
angry.
Jesse
was in a panic that Maharet would be angry with her, but when she looked into
Maharet's eyes she knew that there was no cause for worry. Then Jesse looked
down and saw that the front of her dress was torn. She felt a sharp pain where
Mae! had been kissing her, and when she turned to Maharet, she became
disoriented, unable to hear her own words.
She was
sitting on her bed somehow, propped against the pillows, and she wore a long flannel
gown. She was telling Maharet that her mother had come again, she'd seen her on
the terrace. But that was only part of what she'd been saying because she and
Maharet had been talking for hours about the whole thing. But what whole thing?
Maharet told her she would forget.
Oh,
God, how she tried to recall after. Bits and pieces had tormented her for
years. Maharet's hair was down, and it was very long and full. They had moved
through the dark house together, like ghosts, she and Maharet, Maharet holding
her, and now and then stopping to kiss her, and she had hugged Maharet.
Maharet's body felt like stone that could breathe.
They
were high up in the mountain in a secret room. Massive computers were there,
with their reels and red lights, giving off a low electronic hum. And there, on
an immense rectangular screen that stretched dozens of feet up the wall, was an
enormous family tree drawn electronically by means of light. This was the Great
Family, stretching back through all the millennia. Ah, yes, to one root! The
plan was matrilineal, which had always been the way with the ancient peoples-as
it had been with the Egyptians, yes, descent through the princesses of the
royal house. And as it was, after a fashion, with the Hebrew tribes to this
day.
All the
details had been plain to Jesse at this moment-ancient names, places, the
beginning!-God, had she known even the beginning?-the staggering reality of
hundreds of generations charted before her eyes! She had seen the progress of
the family through the ancient countries of Asia Minor and Macedonia and Italy
and finally up through Europe and then to the New World! And this could have
been the chart of any human family!
Never
after was she able to reinvoke the details of that electronic map. No, Maharet
had told her she would forget it. The miracle was that she remembered anything
at all.
But
what else had happened? What had been the real thrust of their long talk?
Maharet
crying, that she remembered. Maharet weeping with the soft feminine sound of a
young girl. Maharet had never appeared so alluring; her face had been softened,
yet luminous, the lines so few and so delicate. But it had been shadowy then,
and Jesse could scarcely see anything clearly. She remembered the face burning
like a white ember in the darkness, the pale green eyes clouded yet vibrant,
and the blond eyelashes glistening as if the tiny hairs had been stroked with
gold.
Candles
burning in her room. The forest rising high outside the window. Jesse had been
begging, protesting. But what in God's name was the argument about?
You
will forget this. You will remember nothing.
She'd
known when she opened her eyes in the sunlight that it was over; they had gone.
Nothing had come back to her in those first few moments, except that something
irrevocable had been said.
Then
she had found the note on the bedside table:
My
darling,
It is
no longer good for you to be around us. I fear we have all become too enamored
of you and would sweep you off your feet and take you away from those things
which you have set out to do.
You
will forgive us for leaving so suddenly. I am confident that this is best for
you. I have arranged for the car to take you to the airport. Your plane leaves at
four o'clock. Your cousins Maria and Matthew will meet you in New York.
Be
assured I love you more than words can say. My letter will be waiting for you
when you reach home. Some night many years from now we will discuss the family
history again. You may become my helper with these records if you still wish
it. But for now this must not engulf you. It must not lead you away from life
itself.
Yours always, with unquestioning love, Maharet
Jesse
had never seen Maharet again.
Her
letters came with the same old regularity, full of affection, concern, advice.
But never again was there to be a visit. Never was Jesse invited back to the
house in the Sonoma forest.
In the
following months, Jesse had been showered with presents-a beautiful old town
house on Washington Square in Greenwich Village, a new car, a heady increase in
income, and the usual plane tickets to visit members of the family all over the
world. Eventually, Maharet underwrote a substantial part of Jesse's
archaeological work at Jericho. In fact, as the years passed she gave Jesse
anything and everything Jesse could possibly desire.
Nevertheless,
Jesse had been damaged by that summer. Once in Damascus she had dreamed of Mael
and awakened crying.
She was
in London, working at the British Museum, when the memories began to come back
with full force. She never knew what triggered them. Maybe the effect of
Maharet's admonition - You will forget - had simply worn off. But there
might have been another reason. One evening in Trafalgar Square, she'd seen
Mael or a man who looked exactly like him. The man, who stood many feet away,
had been staring at her when their eyes met. Yet when she'd waved, he'd turned
his back and walked off without the slightest recognition. She'd run after him
trying to catch up with him; but he was gone as if he'd never been there.
It had
left her hurt and disappointed. Yet three days later she'd received an
anonymous gift, a bracelet of hammered silver. It was an ancient Celtic relic,
she soon found out, and probably priceless. Could Mael have sent her this
precious and lovely thing? She wanted so to believe it.
Holding
the bracelet tightly in her hand she felt his presence. She remembered the long
ago night when they'd spoken of addle-brained ghosts. She smiled. It was as if
he were there, holding her, kissing her. She told Maharet about the gift when
she wrote. She wore the bracelet ever after that.
Jesse
kept a diary of the memories that came back to her. She (wrote down dreams,
fragments she saw in flashes. But she did not mention any of this in her
letters to Maharet.
She had
a love affair while she was in London. It ended badly, and she felt rather
alone. It was at that time that the Talamasca contacted her and the course of
her life was changed forever.
Jesse had
been living in an old house in Chelsea, not far from where Oscar Wilde had once
lived. James McNeill Whistler had once shared the neighborhood and so had Bram
Stoker, the author of Dracula. It was a place that Jesse loved. But
unbeknownst to her, the house in which she'd leased her rooms had been haunted
for many years. Jesse saw several strange things within the first few months.
They were faint, flickering, apparitions of the kind one frequently sees in
such places; echoes, as Maharet had called them, of people who'd been there
years before. Jesse ignored them.
However
when a reporter stopped her one afternoon, explaining that he was doing a story
on the haunted house, she told him rather matter-of-factly about the things
she'd seen. Common enough ghosts for London-an old woman carrying a pitcher
from the pantry, a man in a frock coat and top hat who would appear for a
second or more on the stair.
It made
for a rather melodramatic article. Jesse had talked too much, obviously. She
was called a "psychic" or "natural medium" who saw these
things all the time. One of the Reeves family in Yorkshire called to tease her
a little about it. Jesse thought it was funny too. But other than that, she
didn't much care. She was deep into her studies at the British Museum. It just
didn't matter at all.
Then
the Talamasca, having read the paper, came to call.
Aaron
Lightner, an old-fashioned gentleman with white hair and exquisite manners,
asked to take Jesse to lunch. In an old but meticulously maintained Rolls Royce,
he and Jesse were driven through London to a small and elegant private club.
Surely
it was one of the strangest meetings Jesse had ever had. In fact, it reminded
her of the long ago summer, not because it was like it, but because both
experiences were so unlike anything else that had ever happened to Jesse.
Lightner
was a bit on the glamorous side, as Jesse saw it. His white hair was quite full
and neatly groomed, and he wore an impeccably tailored suit of Donegal tweed.
He was the only man she'd ever seen with a silver walking stick.
Rapidly
and pleasantly he explained to Jesse that he was a "psychic
detective"; he worked for a "secret order called the Talamasca,"
whose sole purpose was to collect data on "paranormal" experiences
and maintain those records for the study of such phenomena. The Talamasca held
out its hand to people with paranormal powers. And to those of extremely strong
ability, it now and then offered membership, a career in "psychic
investigation," which was in fact more truly a vocation, as the Talamasca
demanded full devotion, loyalty, and obedience to its rules.
Jesse
almost laughed. But Lightner was apparently prepared for her skepticism. He had
a few "tricks" he always used at such introductory meetings. And to
Jesse's utter amazement, he managed to move several objects on the table
without touching them. A simple power, he said, which functioned as a
"calling card."
As
Jesse watched the salt shaker dance back and forth of its own volition, she was
too amazed to speak. But the real surprise came when Lightner confessed he knew
all about her. He knew where she'd come from, where she'd studied. He knew that
she'd seen spirits when she was a little girl, it had come to the attention of
the order years ago through "routine channels," and a file had been
created for Jesse. She must not be offended.
Please
understand the Talamasca proceeded in its investigations with the utmost
respect for the individual. The file contained only hearsay reports of things
that Jesse had told neighbors, teachers, and school friends. Jesse could see
the file any time she wanted. That was always the way it was with the
Talamasca. Contact was always eventually attempted with subjects under
observation. Information was freely given to the subject, though it was
otherwise confidential.
Jesse
questioned Lightner rather relentlessly. It soon became clear that he did know
a great deal about her, but he knew nothing whatsoever about Maharet or the
Great Family.
And it
was this combination of knowledge and ignorance that lured Jesse. One mention
of Maharet and she would have turned her back on the Talamasca forever, for to
the Great Family Jesse was unfailingly loyal. But the Talamasca cared only
about Jesse's abilities. And Jesse, in spite of Maharet's advice, had always
cared about them, too.
Then
the history of the Talamasca itself proved powerfully attractive. Was this man
telling the truth? A secret order, which traced its existence back to the year
758, an order with records of witches, sorcerers, mediums, and seers of spirits
going back to that remote period? It dazzled her as the records of the Great
Family had once dazzled her.
And
Lightner graciously withstood another round of relentless questioning. He knew
his history and his geography, that was clear enough. He spoke easily and
accurately of the persecution of the Cathars, the suppression of the Knights
Templar, the execution of Grandier, and a dozen other historical
"events." In fact, Jesse couldn't stump him. On the contrary, he
referred to ancient "magicians" and "sorcerers" of whom she
had never heard.
That
evening, when they arrived at the Motherhouse outside London, Jesse's fate was
pretty much sealed. She didn't leave the Motherhouse for a week, and then only to
close up her flat in Chelsea and return to the Talamasca.
The
Motherhouse was a mammoth stone structure built in the 1505 and acquired by the
Talamasca "only" two hundred years ago. Though the sumptuous paneled
libraries and parlors had been created in the eighteenth century, along with
appropriate plasterwork and friezes, the dining room and many of the
bedchambers dated back to the Elizabethan period.
Jesse
loved the atmosphere immediately, the dignified furnishings, the stone
fireplaces, the gleaming oak floors. Even the quiet civil members of the order
appealed to her, as they greeted her cheerfully, then returned to their
discussions or the reading of the evening papers, as they sat about the vast,
warmly lighted public rooms. The sheer wealth of the place was startling. It
lent substance to Lightner's claims. And the place felt good. Psychically good.
People here were what they said they were.
But it
was the libraries themselves that finally overwhelmed her, and brought her back
to that tragic summer when another library and its ancient treasures had been
shut against her. Here were countless volumes chronicling witch trials and
hauntings and poltergeist investigations, cases of possession, of
psychokinesis, reincarnation, and the like. Then there were museums beneath the
building, rooms crammed with mysterious objects connected with paranormal
occurrences. There were vaults to ' which no one was admitted except the senior
members of the order. Delicious, the prospect of secrets revealed only over a
period of time.
"So
much work to be done, always," Aaron had said casually. "Why, all
these old records, you see, are in Latin, and we can no longer demand that the
new members read and write Latin. It's simply out of the question in this day
and age. And these storage rooms, you see, the documentation on most of these
objects hasn't been reevaluated in four centuries-"
Of
course Aaron knew that Jesse could read and write not only Latin, but Greek,
ancient Egyptian, and ancient Sumerian as well. What he didn't know was that
here Jesse had found a replacement for the treasures of that lost summer. She
had found another "Great Family."
That
night a car was sent to get Jesse's clothing and whatever she might want from
the Chelsea flat. Her new room was in the southwest corner of the Motherhouse,
a cozy little affair with a coffered ceiling and a Tudor fireplace.
Jesse
never wanted to leave this house, and Aaron knew it. On Friday of that week,
only three days after her arrival, she was received into the order as a novice.
She was given an impressive allowance, a private parlor adjacent to her
bedroom, a full-time driver, and a comfortable old car. She left her job at the
British Museum as soon as possible.
The
rules and regulations were simple. She would spend two years in full-time
training, traveling with other members when and where necessary throughout the
world. She could talk about the order to members of her family or friends, of
course. But all subjects, files, and related details remained confidential. And
she must never seek to publish anything about the Talamasca. In fact, she must
never contribute to any "public mention" of the Talamasca. References
to specific assignments must always omit names and places, and remain vague.
Her
special work would be within the archives, translating and "adapting"
old chronicles and records. And in the museums she would work on organizing
various artifacts and relics at least one day of each week. But
fieldwork-investigations of hauntings and the like-would take precedence over
research at any time.
It was
a month before she wrote to Maharet of her decision. And in her letter she
poured out her soul. She loved these people and their work. Of course the
library reminded her of the family archive in Sonoma, and the time when she'd
been so happy. Did Maharet understand?
Maharet's
answer astonished her. Maharet knew what the Talamasca was. In fact, Maharet
seemed quite thoroughly familiar with the history of the Talamasca. She said
without preamble that she admired enormously the efforts of the order during
the witchcraft persecutions of the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries to save
the innocent from the stake.
Surely
they have told you of their "underground railroad" by means of which
many accused persons were taken from the villages and hamlets where they might
have been burnt and given refuge in Amsterdam, an enlightened city, where the
lies and foolishness of the witchcraft era were not long believed.
Jesse
hadn't known anything about this, but she was soon to confirm every detail.
However, Maharet had her reservations about the Talamasca.
Much as
I admire their compassion for the persecuted of all eras, you must understand
that I do not think their investigations amount to much. To clarify spirits, ghosts,
vampires, werewolves, witches, entities that defy description all these may
exist and the Talamasca may spend another millennium studying them, but what
difference will this make to the destiny of the human race? I Undoubtedly there
have been, in the distant past, individuals who saw visions and spoke to
spirits. And perhaps as witches or shamans, these people had some value for
their tribes or nations. But complex and fanciful religions have been founded
upon such simple and deceptive experiences, giving mythical names to vague
entities, and creating an enormous vehicle for compounded superstitious belief.
Have not these religions been more evil than good?
Allow
me to suggest that, however one interprets history, we are now well past the
point where contact with spirits can be of any use. A crude but inexorable
justice may be at work in the skepticism of ordinary individuals regarding
ghosts, mediums, and like company. The supernatural, in whatever form it
exists, should not interfere in human history.
In sum,
I am arguing that, except for comforting a few confused souls here and there,
the Talamasca compiles records of things that are not important and should not
be important. The Talamasca is an interesting organization. But it cannot
accomplish great things.
I love
you. I respect your decision. But I hope for your sake that you tire of the
Talamasca-and return to the real world-very soon.
Jesse
thought carefully before answering. It tortured her that Maharet didn't approve
of what she had done. Yet Jesse knew there was a recrimination in her decision.
Maharet had turned her away from the secrets of the family; the Talamasca had
taken her in.
When
she wrote, she assured Maharet that the members of the order had no illusions
about the significance of their work. They had told Jesse it was largely
secret; there was no glory, sometimes no real satisfaction. They would agree in
full with Maharet's opinions about the insignificance of mediums, spirits,
ghosts.
But did
not millions of people think that the dusty finds of archaeologists were of
little significance as well? Jesse begged Maharet to understand what this meant
to her. And lastly she wrote, much to her own surprise, the following lines:
I will
never tell the Talamasca anything about the Great Family. I will never tell
them about the house in Sonoma and the mysterious things that happened to me
while I was there. They would be too hungry for this sort of mystery. And my
loyalty is to you. But some day, I beg you, let me come back to the California
house. Let me talk to you about the things that I saw. I've remembered things
lately. I have had puzzling dreams. But I trust your judgment in these matters.
You've been so generous to me. I don't doubt that you love me. Please
understand how much I love you.
Maharet's
response was brief.
Jesse,
I am an eccentric and willful being; very little has ever been denied me. Now
and then I deceive myself as to the effect I have upon others. I should never
have brought you to the Sonoma house; it was a selfish thing to do, for which I
cannot forgive myself. But you must soothe my conscience for me. Forget the
visit ever took place. Do not deny the truth of what you recall; but do not
dwell on it either. Live your life as if it had never been so recklessly interrupted.
Some day I will answer all your questions, but never again will I try to
subvert your destiny. I congratulate you on your new vocation. You have my
unconditional love forever.
Elegant
presents soon followed. Leather luggage for Jesse's travels and a lovely
mink-lined coat to keep her warm in "the abominable British weather."
It is a country "only a Druid could love," Maharet wrote.
Jesse
loved the coat because the mink was inside and didn't attract attention. The
luggage served her well. And Maharet continued to write twice and three times a
week. She remained as solicitous as ever.
But as
the years passed, it was Jesse who grew distant- her letters brief and
irregular-because her work with the Talamasca was confidential. She simply
could not describe what she did.
Jesse
still visited members of the Great Family, at Christmas and Easter. Whenever
cousins came to London, she met them for sight-seeing or lunch. But all such
contact was brief and superficial. The Talamasca soon became Jesse's life.
A world
was revealed to Jesse in the Talamasca archives as she began her translations
from the Latin: records of psychic families and individuals, cases of
"obvious" sorcery, "real" maleficia, and finally the
repetitive yet horribly fascinating transcripts of actual witchcraft trials
which invariably involved the innocent and the powerless. Night and day she
worked, translating directly into the computer, retrieving invaluable
historical material from crumbling parchment pages.
But another
world, even more seductive, was opening up to her, in the field. Within a year
of joining the Talamasca, Jesse had seen poltergeist hauntings frightening
enough to send grown men running out of the house and into the street. She had
seen a telekinetic child lift an oak table and send it crashing through a
window. She had communicated in utter silence with mind readers who received
any message she sent to them. She had seen ' ghosts more palpable than anything
she had ever believed could exist. Feats of psychometry, automatic writing,
levitation, trance mediumship-all these she witnessed, jotting down her notes
afterwards, and forever marveling at her own surprise. '. Would she never get
used to it? Take it for granted? Even the older members of the Talamasca
confessed that they were continually shocked by the things they witnessed, '
And without doubt Jesse's power to "see" was exceptionally strong.
With constant use it developed enormously. Two years after entering the
Talamasca, Jesse was being sent to haunted houses all over Europe and the
United States. For every day or two spent in the peace and quiet of the
library, there was a week in some drafty hallway watching the intermittent
appearances of a silent specter who had frightened others.
Jesse
seldom came to any conclusions about these apparitions. Indeed, she learned
what all members of the Talamasca knew: there was no single theory of the
occult to embrace all the strange things one saw or heard. The work was
tantalizing, but ultimately frustrating. Jesse was unsure of herself when she
addressed these "restless entities," or addlebrained spirits as Mael
had once rather accurately described them. Yet Jesse advised them to move on to
"higher levels," to seek peace for themselves and thereby leave
mortals at peace also.
It
seemed the only possible course to take, though it frightened her that she
might be forcing these ghosts out of the only life that remained to them. What
if death were the end, and hauntings came about only when tenacious souls would
not accept it? Too awful to think of that-of the spirit world as a dim and
chaotic afterglow before the ultimate darkness.
Whatever
the case, Jesse dispelled any number of hauntings. And she was constantly
comforted by the relief of the living. There developed in her a profound sense
of the specialness of her life. It was exciting. She wouldn't have swapped it
for anything in the world.
Well,
not for almost anything. After all, she might have left in a minute if Maharet
had appeared on her doorstep and asked her to return to the Sonoma compound and
take up the records of the Great Family in earnest. And then again perhaps not.
Jesse
did have one experience with the Talamasca records, however, which caused her
considerable personal confusion regarding the Great Family.
In
transcribing the witch documents Jesse eventually discovered that the Talamasca
had monitored for centuries certain "witch families" whose fortunes
appeared to be influenced by supernatural intervention of a verifiable and
predictable sort. The Talamasca was watching a number of such families right
now! There was usually a "witch" in each generation of such a family,
and this witch could, according to the record, attract and manipulate
supernatural forces to ensure the family's steady accumulation of wealth and
other success in human affairs. The power appeared to be hereditary-i.e., based
in the physical-but no one knew for sure. Some of these families were now
entirely ignorant as to their own history; they did not understand the "witches"
who had manifested in the twentieth century. And though the Talamasca attempted
regularly to make "contact" with such people, they were often
rebuffed, or found the work too "dangerous" to pursue. After all,
these witches could work actual maleficia.
Shocked
and incredulous, Jesse did nothing after this discovery for several weeks. But
she could not get the pattern out of her mind. It was too like the pattern of
Maharet and the Great Family.
Then
she did the only thing she could do without violating her loyalty to anybody.
She carefully reviewed the records of every witch family in the Talamasca
files. She checked and double-checked. She went back to the oldest records in
existence and went over them minutely.
No
mention of anyone named Maharet. No mention of anyone connected to any branch
or surname of the Great Family that Jesse had ever heard of. No mention of
anything even vaguely suspicious.
Her
relief was enormous, but in the end, she was not surprised. Her instincts had
told her she was on the wrong track. Maharet was no witch. Not in this sense of
the word. There was more to it than that.
Yet in
truth, Jesse never tried to figure it all out. She resisted theories about what
had happened as she resisted theories about everything. And it occurred to her,
more than once, that she had sought out the Talamasca in order to lose this
personal mystery in a wilderness of mysteries. Surrounded by ghosts and
poltergeists and possessed children, she thought less and less about Maharet
and the Great Family.
By the
time Jesse became a full member, she was an expert on the rules of the
Talamasca, the procedures, the way to record investigations, when and how to
help the police in crime cases, how to avoid all contact with the press. She
also came to respect that the Talamasca was not a dogmatic organization. It did
not require its members to believe anything, merely to be honest and
careful about all the phenomena that they observed.
Patterns,
similarities, repetitions-these fascinated the Talamasca. Terms abounded, but
there was no rigid vocabulary. The files were merely cross-referenced in dozens
of different ways.
Nevertheless
members of the Talamasca studied the theoreticians. Jesse read the works of all
the great psychic detectives, mediums, and mentalists. She studied anything and
everything related to the occult.
And
many a time she thought of Maharet's advice. What Maharet had said was true.
Ghosts, apparitions, psychics who could read minds and move objects
telekinetically-it was all fascinating to those who witnessed it firsthand. But
to the human race at large it meant very little. There was not now, nor would
there ever be, any great occult discovery that would alter human history.
But
Jesse never tired of her work. She became addicted to the excitement, even the
secrecy. She was within the womb of the Talamasca, and though she grew
accustomed to the elegance of her surroundings-to antique lace and poster beds
and sterling silver, to chauffeured cars and servants-she herself became ever
more simple and reserved.
At
thirty she was a fragile-looking light-skinned woman with her curly red hair
parted in the middle and kept long so that it would fall behind her shoulders
and leave her alone. She wore no cosmetics, perfume, or jewelry, except for the
Celtic bracelet. A cashmere blazer was her favorite garment, along with wool
pants, or jeans if she was in America. Yet she was an attractive person,
drawing a little more attention from men than she thought was best. Love
affairs she had, but they were always short. And seldom very important.
What
mattered more were her friendships with the other members of the order; she had
so many brothers and sisters. And they cared about her as she cared about them.
She loved the feeling of the community surrounding her. At any hour of the
night, one could go downstairs to a lighted parlor where people were
awake-reading, talking, arguing perhaps in a subdued way. One could wander into
the kitchen where the night cook was ever ready to prepare an early breakfast
or a late dinner, whatever one might desire.
Jesse
might have gone on forever with the Talamasca. Like a Catholic religious order,
the Talamasca took care of its old and infirm. To die within the order was to
know every luxury as well as every medical attention, to spend your last
moments the way you wanted, alone in your bed, or with other members near you,
comforting you, holding your hand. You could go home to your relatives if that
was your choice. But most, over the years, chose to die in the Motherhouse. The
funerals were dignified and elaborate. In the Talamasca, death was a part of
life. A great gathering of black-dressed men and women witnessed each burial.
Yes,
these had become Jesse's people. And in the natural course of events she would
have remained forever.
But
when she reached the end of her eighth year, something happened that was to
change everything, something that led eventually to her break with the order.
Jesse's
accomplishments up to that point had been impressive. But in the summer of
1981, she was still working under the direction of Aaron Lightner and she had
seldom even spoken to the governing council of the Talamasca or the handful of
men and women who were really in charge.
So when
David Talbot, the head of the entire order, called her up to his office in
London, she was surprised. David was an energetic man of sixty-five, heavy of
build, with iron-gray hair and a consistently cheerful manner. He offered Jesse
a glass of sherry and talked pleasantly about nothing for fifteen minutes
before getting to the point.
Jesse
was being offered a very different sort of assignment. He gave her a novel
called Interview with the Vampire. He said, "I want you to read
this book."
Jesse
was puzzled. "The fact is, I have read it," she said. "It was a
couple of years ago. But what does a novel like this have to do with us?"
Jesse
had picked up a paperback copy at the airport and devoured it on a long
transcontinental flight. The story, supposedly told by a vampire to a young
reporter in present-day San Francisco, had affected Jesse rather like a bad
dream. She wasn't sure she liked it. Matter of fact, she'd thrown it away later,
rather than leave it on a bench at the next airport for fear some unsuspecting
person might find it.
The
main characters of the work-rather glamorous immortals when you got right down
to it-had formed an evil little family in antebellum New Orleans where they
preyed on the populace for over fifty years. Lestat was the villain of the
piece, and the leader. Louis, his anguished subordinate, was the hero, and the
one telling the tale. Claudia, their exquisite vampire "daughter,"
was a truly tragic figure, her mind maturing year after year while her body
remained eternally that of a little girl. Louis's fruitless quest for
redemption had been the theme of the book, obviously, but Claudia's hatred for
the two male vampires who had made her what she was, and her own eventual
destruction, had had a much stronger effect upon Jesse.
"The
book isn't fiction," David explained simply. "Yet the purpose of
creating it is unclear. And the act of publishing it, even as a novel, has us
rather alarmed."
"Not
fiction?" Jesse asked. "I don't understand."
"The
author's name is a pseudonym," David continued, "and the royalty
checks go to a nomadic young man who resists all our attempts at contact. He
was a reporter, however, much like the boy interviewer in the novel. But that's
neither here nor there at the moment. Your job is to go to New Orleans and
document the events in the story which took place there before the Civil
War."
"Wait
a minute. You're telling me there are vampires? That these characters-Louis and
Lestat and the little girl Claudia-are real!"
"Yes,
exactly," David answered. "And don't forget about Armand, the mentor
of the Theatre des Vampires in Paris. You do remember Armand."
Jesse
had no trouble remembering Armand or the theater. Armand, the oldest immortal
in the novel, had had the face and form of an adolescent boy. As for the
theater, it had been a gruesome establishment where human beings were killed on
stage before an unsuspecting Parisian audience as part of the regular fare.
The
entire nightmarish quality of the book was coming back to Jesse. Especially the
parts that dealt with Claudia. Claudia had died in the Theater of the Vampires.
The coven, under Armand's command, had destroyed her.
"David,
am I understanding you correctly? You're saying these creatures exist?"
"Absolutely,"
David answered. "We've been observing this type of being since we came
into existence. In a very real way, the Talamasca was formed to observe these
creatures, but that's another story. In all probability, there are no fictional
characters in this little novel whatsoever, but that would be your assignment,
you see-to document the existence of the New Orleans coven, as described
here-Claudia, Louis, Lestat."
Jesse
laughed. She couldn't help it. She really laughed. David's patient expression
only made her laugh more. But she wasn't surprising David, any more than her
laughter had surprised Aaron Lightner eight years ago when they first met.
"Excellent
attitude," David said, with a little mischievous smile. "We wouldn't
want you to be too imaginative or trusting. But this field requires great care,
Jesse, and strict obedience to the rules. Believe me when I say that this is an
area which can be extremely dangerous. You are certainly free to turn down the
assignment right now."
"I'm
going to start laughing again," Jesse said. She had seldom if ever heard
the word "dangerous" in the Talamasca. She had seen it in writing
only in the witch family files. Now, she could believe in a witch family
without much difficulty. Witches were human beings, and spirits could be
manipulated, most probably. But vampires?
"Well,
let's approach it this way," David said. "Before you make up your
mind, we'll examine certain artifacts pertaining to these creatures which we
have in the vaults."
The
idea was irresistible. There were scores of rooms beneath the Motherhouse to
which Jesse had never been admitted. She wasn't going to pass up this
opportunity.
As she
and David went down the stairs together, the atmosphere of the Sonoma compound
came back to her unexpectedly and rather vividly. Even the long corridor with
its occasional dim electric bulbs reminded her of Maharet's cellar. She found
herself all the more excited.
She followed
David silently through one locked storage room after another. She saw books, a
skull on a shelf, what seemed old clothing heaped on the floor, furniture, oil
paintings, trunks and strongboxes, dust.
"All
this paraphernalia," David said, with a dismissive gesture, "is in
one way or another connected to our blood-drinking immortal friends. They tend
to be a rather materialistic lot, actually. And they leave behind them all
sorts of refuse. It is not unknown for them to leave an entire household, complete
with furnishings, clothing, and even coffins-very ornate and interesting
coffins-when they tire of a particular location or identity. But there are some
specific things which I must show you. It will all be rather conclusive, I
should think."
Conclusive?
There was something conclusive in this work? This was certainly an afternoon
for surprises.
David
led her into a final chamber, a very large room, paneled in tin and immediately
illuminated by a bank of overhead lights.
She saw
an enormous painting against the far wall. She placed it at once as
Renaissance, and probably Venetian. It was done in egg tempera on wood. And it
had the marvelous sheen of such paintings, a gloss that no synthetic material
can create. She read the Latin title along with the name of the artist, in
small Roman-style letters painted in the lower right corner.
"The
Temptation of Amadeo" by Marius
She
stood back to study it.
A
splendid choir of black-winged angels hovered around a single kneeling figure,
that of a young auburn-haired boy. The cobalt sky behind them, seen through a
series of arches, was splendidly done with masses of gilded clouds. And the
marble floor before the figures had a photographic perfection to it. One could
feel its coldness, see the veins in the stone.
But the
figures were the true glory of the picture. The faces of the angels were
exquisitely modeled, their pastel robes and black feathered wings extravagantly
detailed. And the boy, the boy was very simply alive! His dark brown eyes
veritably glistened as he stared forward out of the painting. His skin appeared
moist. He was about to move or speak.
In
fact, it was all too realistic to be Renaissance. The figures were particular
rather than ideal. The angels wore expressions of faint amusement, almost bitterness.
And the fabric of the boy's tunic and leggings, it was too exactly rendered.
She could even see the mends in it, a tiny tear, the dust on his sleeve. There
were other such details--dried leaves here and there on the floor, and two
paintbrushes lying to one side for no apparent reason.
"Who
is this Marius?" she whispered. The name meant nothing. And never had she
seen an Italian painting with so many disturbing elements. Black-winged
angels...
David
didn't answer. He pointed to the boy. "It's the boy I want you to
observe," he said. "He's not the real subject of your investigation,
merely a very important link."
Subject?
Link... She was too engrossed in the picture. "And look, bones in the
corner, human bones covered with dust, as if someone had merely swept them out
of the way. But what on earth does it all mean?"
"Yes,"
David murmured. "When you see the word 'temptation,' usually there are
devils surrounding a saint."
"Exactly,"
she answered. "And the craft is exceptional." The more she stared at
the picture, the more disturbed she became. "Where did you get this?"
"The
order acquired it centuries ago," David answered. "Our emissary in
Venice retrieved it from a burnt-out villa on the Grand Canal. These vampires are
endlessly associated with fires, by the way. It is the one weapon they can use
effectively against one another. There are always fires. In Interview with
the Vampire, there were several fires, if you recall. Louis set fire to a
town house in New Orleans when he was trying to destroy his maker and mentor,
Lestat. And later, Louis burned the Theater of the Vampires in Paris after
Claudia's death." Claudia's death. It sent a shiver through Jesse,
startling her slightly.
"But
look at this boy carefully," David said. "It's the boy we're
discussing now."
Amadeo.
It meant "one who loves God." He was a handsome creature, all right.
Sixteen, maybe seventeen, with a square, strongly proportioned face and a
curiously imploring expression.
David
had put something in her hand. Reluctantly she took her eyes off the painting.
She found herself staring at a tintype, a late-nineteenth-century photograph.
After a moment, she whispered: "This is the same boy!"
"Yes.
And something of an experiment," David said. "It was most likely
taken just after sunset in impossible lighting conditions which might not have
worked with another subject. Notice not much is really visible but his
face." True, yet she could see the style of the hair was of the period.
"You might look at this as well," David said. And this time he gave
her an old magazine, a nineteenth-century journal, the kind with narrow
columns of tiny print and ink illustrations. There was the same boy again
alighting from a barouche-a hasty sketch, though the boy was smiling.
"The
article's about him, and about his Theater of the Vampires. Here's an English
journal from 1789. That's a full eighty years earlier, I believe. But you will
find another very thorough description of the establishment and the same young
man." "The Theater of the Vampires..." She stared up at the auburn-haired boy kneeling in the painting.
"Why, this is Ar-i rnand, the
character in the novel!"
"Precisely.
He seems to like that name. It may have been
Amadeo when he was in Italy, but it became Armand by the eighteenth
century and he's used Armand ever since."
"Slow
down, please," Jesse said. "You're telling me that the Theater of the Vampires has been
documented? By our people?"
"Thoroughly.
The file's enormous. Countless memoirs describe the
theater. We have the deeds to the property as well. And here we come to another
link with our files and this little novel, Interview with the Vampire.
The name of the owner of the theater was Lestat de Lioncourt, who purchased it
in 1789. And the property in modern Paris is in the hands of a man by the same
name even now."
"This
is verified?" Jesse said.
"It's
all in the file," David said, "photostats of the old records and the
recent ones. You can study the signature of Lestat if you like. Lestat does
everything in a big way-covers half the page with his magnificent lettering. We
have photostats of several examples. We want you to take those photostats to
New Orleans with you. There's a newspaper account of the fire which destroyed
the theater exactly as Louis described it. The date is consistent with the
facts of the story. You must go over everything, of course. And the novel, do
read it again carefully."
By the
end of the week, Jesse was on a plane for New Orleans. She was to annotate and
document the novel, in every way possible, searching property titles,
transfers, old newspapers, journals-anything she could find to support the
theory that the characters and events were real.
But
Jesse still didn't believe it. Undoubtedly there was "something
here," but there had to be a catch. And the catch was in all probability a
clever historical novelist who had stumbled upon some interesting research and
woven it into a fictional story. After all, theater tickets, deeds, programs, and
the like do not prove the existence of bloodsucking immortals.
As for
the rules Jesse had to follow, she thought they were a scream.
She was
not allowed to remain in New Orleans except between the hours of sunrise and
four p.m. At four p.m. she had to drive north to the city of Baton Rouge and
spend the nights safe within a sixteenth-story room in a modern hotel. If she
should have the slightest feeling that someone was watching her or following
her, she was to make for the safety of a large crowd at once. From a
well-lighted and populated place, she was to call the Talamasca long distance
in London immediately.
Never,
under any circumstances, must she attempt a "sighting" of one of
these vampire individuals. The parameters of vampiric power were not known to the
Talamasca. But one thing was certain: the beings could read minds. Also, they
could create mental confusion in human beings. And there was considerable
evidence that they were exceptionally strong. Most certainly they could kill.
Also
some of them, without doubt, knew of the existence of the Talamasca. Over the
centuries, several members of the order had disappeared during this type of
investigation.
Jesse
was to read the daily papers scrupulously. The Talamasca had reason to believe
that there were no vampires in New Orleans at present. Or Jesse would not be
going there. But at any time, Lestat, Armand, or Louis might appear. If Jesse
came across an article about a suspicious death she was to get out of the city
and not return.
Jesse
thought al! this was hilarious. Even a handful of old items about mysterious
deaths did not impress her or frighten her. After all, these people could have
been the victims of a satanic cult. And they were all too human. But Jesse had
wanted this assignment. On the way to the airport, David had asked her why.
"If you really can't accept what I'm telling you, then why do you want to
investigate the book?"
She'd
taken her time in answering. "There is something obscene about this novel.
It makes the lives of these beings seem attractive. You don't realize it at
first; it's a nightmare and you can't get out of it. Then all of a sudden
you're comfortable there. You want to remain. Even the tragedy of Claudia isn't
really a deterrent." "And?"
"I
want to prove it's fiction," Jesse said. That was good enough for the
Talamasca, especially coming from a trained investigator.
But on
the long flight to New York, Jesse had realized there was something she
couldn't tell David. She had only just faced it herself. Interview with the
Vampire "reminded" her of that long ago summer with Maharet,
though Jesse didn't know why. Again and again she stopped her reading to think
about that summer. And little things were coming back to her. She was even
dreaming about it again. Quite beside the point, she told herself. Yet there
was some connection, something to do with the atmosphere of the book, the mood,
even the attitudes of the characters, and the whole manner in which things
seemed one way and were really not that way at all. But Jesse could not figure
it out. Her reason, like her memory, was curiously blocked.
Jesse's
first few days in New Orleans were the strangest in her entire psychic career.
The
city had a moist Caribbean beauty, and a tenacious colonial flavor that charmed
her at once. Yet everywhere Jesse went she "felt" things. The entire
place seemed haunted. The awesome antebellum mansions were seductively silent
and gloomy. Even the French Quarter streets, crowded with tourists, had a
sensuous and sinister atmosphere that kept her forever walking out of her way
or stopping for long periods to dream as she sat slumped on a bench in Jackson
Square.
She
hated to leave the city at four o'clock. The high-rise hotel in Baton Rouge
provided a divine degree of American luxury. Jesse liked that well enough. But
the soft lazy ambience of New Orleans clung to her. She awoke each morning
dimly aware that she'd dreamed of the vampire characters. And of Maharet.
Then,
four days into her investigation, she made a series of discoveries that sent her
directly to the phone. There most certainly had been a Lestat de Lioncourt on
the tax rolls in Louisiana. In fact, in 1862 he had taken possession of a Royal
Street town house from his business partner, Louis de Pointe du Lac. Louis de
Pointe du Lac had owned seven different pieces of Louisiana property, and one
of them had been the plantation described in Interview with the Vampire.
Jesse was flabbergasted. She was also
delighted.
But
there were even more discoveries. Somebody named Lestat de Lioncourt owned
houses all over the city right now. And this person's signature, appearing in
records dated 1895 and 1910, was identical to the eighteenth-century
signatures.
Oh,
this was too marvelous. Jesse was having a wonderful time.
At once
she set out to photograph Lestat's properties. Two were Garden District
mansions, clearly uninhabitable and falling to ruin behind rusted gates. But
the rest, including the Royal Street town house-the very same deeded to Lestat
in 1862-were rented by a local agency which made payment to an attorney in
Paris.
This
was more than Jesse could bear. She cabled David for money. She must buy out
the tenants in Royal Street, for this was surely the house once inhabited by
Lestat, Louis, and the child Claudia. They may or may not have been vampires,
but they lived there!
David
wired the money immediately, along with strict instructions that she mustn't go
near the ruined mansions she'd described. Jesse answered at once that she'd already
examined these places. Nobody had been in them for years. It was the town house
that mattered. By week's end she'd bought out the lease. The tenants left
cheerfully with fists full of cash. And early on a Monday morning, Jesse walked
into the empty second-floor flat.
Deliciously
dilapidated. The old mantels, moldings, doors all there!
Jesse
went to work with a screwdriver and chisel in the front rooms. Louis had
described a fire in these parlors in which Lestat had been badly burnt. Well,
Jesse would find out. Within an hour she had uncovered the burnt timbers! And
the plasterers-bless them-when they had come to cover up the damage, they had
stuffed the holes with old newspapers dated 1862. This fitted with Louis's
account perfectly. He'd signed the town house over to Lestat, made plans to
leave for Paris, then came the fire during which Louis and Claudia had fled.
Of
course Jesse told herself she was still skeptical, but the characters of the
book were becoming curiously real. The old black telephone in the hall had been
disconnected. She had to go out to call David, which annoyed her. She wanted to
tell , him everything right now. But
she didn't go out. On the contrary, she merely sat in the parlor for hours,
feeling the warm sun on the rough floorboards around her, listening to the
creaking of the building. A house of this age is never quiet, not in a humid
climate. It feels like a living thing. No ghosts here, not that she could see
anyway. Yet she didn't feel alone. On the contrary, there was an embracing
warmth. Someone shook her to wake her up suddenly. No, of course not. No one
here but her. A clock chiming four...
The
next day she rented a wallpaper steamer and went to work in the other rooms.
She must get down to the original coverings. Patterns could be dated, and
besides she was looking for something in particular. But there was a canary
singing nearby, possibly in another flat or shop, and the song distracted her.
So lovely. Don't forget the canary. The canary will die if you forget it.
Again, she fell asleep.
It was
well after dark when she awakened. She could hear the nearby music of a
harpsichord. For a long time, she'd listened before opening her eyes. Mozart,
very fast. Too fast, but what skill. A great rippling riff of notes, a stunning
virtuosity. Finally she forced herself to get up and turn on the overhead
lights and plug in the steamer again.
The
steamer was heavy; the hot water dripped down her arm. In each room she
stripped a section of wall to the original plaster, then she moved on. But the
droning noise of the thing bothered her. She seemed to hear voices in it-people
laughing, talking to one another, someone speaking French in a low urgent
whisper, and a child crying-or was it a woman?
She'd
turn the damn thing off. Nothing. Just a trick of the noise itself in the empty
echoing flat.
She
went back to work with no consciousness of time, or that she had not eaten, or
that she was getting drowsy. On and on she moved the heavy thing until quite
suddenly in the middle bedroom she found what she'd been seeking-a hand-painted
mural on a bare plaster wall.
For a
moment, she was too excited to move. Then she went to work in a frenzy. Yes, it
was the mural of the "magical forest" that Lestat had commissioned
for Claudia. And in rapid sweeps of the dripping steamer she uncovered more and
more.
"Unicorns
and golden birds and laden fruit trees over sparkling streams." It was
exactly as Louis had described it. Finally she had laid bare a great portion of
the mural running around all four walls. Claudia's room, this, without
question. Her head was spinning. She was weak from not eating. She glanced at
her watch. One o'clock.
One
o'clock! She'd been here half the night. She should go now, immediately! This
was the first time in all these years that she'd broken a rule!
Yet she
could not bring herself to move. She was so tired, in spite of her excitement.
She was sitting against the marble mantel, and the light from the ceiling bulb
was so dreary, and her head hurt, too. Yet she kept staring at the gilded
birds, the small, wonderfully wrought flowers and trees. The sky was a deep
vermilion, yet there was a full moon in it and no sun, and a great drifting
spread of tiny stars. Bits of hammered silver still clinging to the stars.
Gradually
she noticed a stone wall painted in the background in one corner. There was a
castle behind it. How lovely to walk through the forest towards it, to go
through the carefully painted wooden gate. Pass into another realm. She heard a
song in her head, something she'd all but forgotten, something Maharet used to
sing.
Then
quite abruptly she saw that the gate was painted over an actual opening in the
wall!
She sat
forward. She could see the seams in the plaster. Yes, a square opening, which she
had not seen, laboring behind the heavy steamer. She knelt down in front of it
and touched it. A wooden door. Immediately she took the screwdriver and tried
to pry it open. No luck. She worked on one edge and then the other. But she was
only scarring the picture to no avail. She sat back on her heels and studied
it. A painted gate covering a wooden door. And there was a worn spot right
where the painted handle was. Yes! She reached out and gave the worn spot a
little jab. The door sprang open. It was as simple as that.
She
lifted her flashlight. A compartment lined in cedar. And there were things
there. A small white leather-bound book! A rosary, it looked like, and a doll,
a very old porcelain doll.
For a
moment she couldn't bring herself to touch these objects. It was like
desecrating a tomb. And there was a faint scent there as of perfume. She wasn't
dreaming, was she? No, her head hurt too much for this to be a dream. She
reached into the compartment, and removed the doll first.
The
body was crude by modern standards, yet the wooden limbs were well jointed and
formed. The white dress and lavender sash were decaying, falling into bits and
pieces. But the porcelain head was lovely, the large blue paperweight eyes
perfect, the wig of flowing blond hair still intact.
"Claudia,"
she whispered.
Her
voice made her conscious of the silence. No traffic now at this hour. Only the
old boards creaking. And the soft soothing flicker of an oil lamp on a nearby
table. And then that harpsichord from somewhere, someone playing Chopin now,
the Minute Waltz, with the same dazzling skill she'd heard before. She sat
still, looking down at the doll in her lap. She wanted to brush its hair, fix
its sash.
The
climactic events of Interview with the Vampire came back to her-Claudia
destroyed in Paris. Claudia caught by the deadly light of the rising sun in a
brick-lined airshaft from which she couldn't escape. Jesse felt a dull shock,
and the rapid silent beat of her heart against her throat. Claudia gone, while
the others continued. Lestat, Louis, Armand...
Then
with a start, she realized she was looking at the other things inside the
compartment. She reached for the book.
A
diary! The pages were fragile, spotted. But the old-fashioned sepia script was
still readable, especially now that the oil lamps were all lighted, and the
room had a cozy brightness to it. She could translate the French effortlessly.
The first entry was September 21, 1836:
This is
my birthday present from Louis. Use as I like, he tells me. But perhaps I
should like to copy into it those occasional poems which strike my fancy, and
read these to him now and then?
I do
not understand entirely what is meant by birthday. Was I born into this world
on the first of September or was it on that day that I departed all things human
to become this?
My
gentlemen parents are forever reluctant to illuminate such simple matters. One
would think it bad taste to dwell on such subjects. Louis looks puzzled, then
miserable, before he returns to the evening paper. And Lestat, he smiles and
plays a little Mozart for me, then answers with a shrug: "It was the day
you were born to us."
Of
course, he gave me a doll as usual, the replica of me, which as always wears a
duplicate of my newest dress. To France he sends for these dolls, he wants me
to know. And what should I do with it? Play with it as if I were really a
child?
"Is
there a message here, my beloved father?" I asked him this evening.
"That I shall be a doll forever myself?" He has given me thirty such
dolls over the years if recollection serves me. And recollection never does
anything else. Each doll has been exactly like the rest. They would crowd me
out of my bedroom if I kept them. But I do not keep them. I burn them, sooner
or later. I smash their china faces with the poker. I watch the fire eat their
hair. I can't say that I like doing this. After all, the dolls are beautiful.
And they do resemble me. Yet, it becomes the appropriate gesture. The doll
expects it. So do I.
And now
he has brought me another, and he stands in my doorway staring at me
afterwards, as if my question cut him. And the expression on his face is so
dark suddenly, I think, this cannot be my Lestat.
I wish
that I could hate him. I wish that I could hate them both. But they defeat me
not with their strength but with their weakness. They are so loving! And so
pleasing to look at. Mon Dieu, how the women go after them!
As he
stood there watching me, watching me examine this doll he had given me, I asked
him sharply:
"Do
you like what you see?"
"You
don't want them anymore, do you?" he whispered.
"Would
you want them," I asked, "if you were me?"
The
expression on his face grew even darker. Never have I seen him the way he
looked. A scorching heat came into his face, and it seemed he blinked to clear
his vision. His perfect vision. He left me and went into the parlor. I went
after him. In truth, I couldn't bear to see him the way he was, yet I pursued
him. "Would you like them," I asked, "if you were me?"
He stared
at me as if I frightened him, and he a man of six feet and I a child no more
than half that, at best.
"Am
I beautiful to you?" I demanded.
He went
past me down the hall, out the back door. But I caught up with him. I held
tight to his sleeve as he stood at the top of the stairs. "Answer
me!" I said to him. "Look at me. What do you see?"
He was
in a dreadful state. I thought he'd pull away, laugh, flash his usual brimming
colors. But instead he dropped to his knees before me and took hold of both my arms.
He kissed me roughly on-the mouth. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you!" As if it were a curse he laid on me, and then he spoke
this poetry to me:
Cover her face; mine eyes dazzle; she died young.
Webster
it is, I am almost certain. One of those plays Lestat so loves. I wonder...
will Louis be pleased by this little poem? I cannot imagine why not. It is
small but very pretty.
Jesse
closed the book gently. Her hand was trembling. She lifted the doll and held it
against her breast, her body rocking slightly as she sat back against the
painted wall.
"Claudia,"
she whispered.
Her
head throbbed, but it didn't matter. The light of the oil lamps was so
soothing, so different from the harsh electric bulb. She sat still, caressing
the doll with her fingers almost in the manner of a blind woman, feeling its
soft silken hair, its stiff starched little dress. The clock chimed again,
loudly, each somber note echoing through the room. She must not faint here. She
must get up somehow. She must take the little book and the doll and the rosary
and leave.
The
empty windows were like mirrors with the night behind them. Rules broken. Call
David, yes, call David now. But the phone was ringing. At this hour, imagine.
The phone ringing. And David didn't have any number for this flat because the
phone... She tried to ignore it, but it went on and on ringing. All right,
answer it!
She
kissed the doll's forehead. "Be right back, my darling," she
whispered.
Where
was the damn phone in this flat anyway? In the niche in the hallway, of course.
She had almost reached it when she saw the wire with the frayed end, curled
around it. It wasn't connected. She could see it wasn't connected. Yet it was
ringing, she could hear it, and it was no auditory hallucination, the thing was
giving one shrill pulse after another! And the oil lamps! My God, there were no
oil lamps in this flat!
All
right, you've seen things like this before. Don't panic, for the love of God.
Think! What should you do? But she was about to scream. The phone would not
stop ringing! If you panic, you will lose control utterly. You must turn off
these lamps, stop this phone! But the lamps can't be real. And the living room
at the end of the hall-the furniture's not real! The flicker of the fire, not
real! And the person moving in there, who is it, a man? Don't look up at him!
She reached out and shoved the phone out of the niche so that it fell to the
floor. The receiver rolled on its back. Tiny and thin, a woman's voice came out
of it.
"Jesse?"
In
blind terror, she ran back to the bedroom, stumbling over the leg of a chair,
falling against the starched drapery of a four-poster bed. Not real. Not there.
Get the doll, the book, the rosary! Stuffing them in her canvas bag, she climbed
to her feet and ran out of the flat to the back stairway. She almost fell as
her feet hit the slippery iron. The garden, the fountain- But you know there's
nothing there but weeds. There was a wrought-iron gate blocking her path.
Illusion. Go through it! Run!
It was
the proverbial nightmare and she was caught in it, the sounds of horses and
carriages thudding in her ears as she ran down the cobblestone pavement. Each
clumsy gesture stretched over eternity, her hands struggling to get the car
keys, to get the door open, and then the car refusing to start.
By the
time she reached the edge of the French Quarter, she was sobbing and her body
was drenched with sweat. On she drove through the shabby garish downtown
streets towards the freeway. Blocked at the on-ramp, she turned her head. Back
seat empty. OK, they didn't follow. And the canvas bag was in her lap; she
could feel the hard porcelain head of the doll against her breast. She floored
it to Baton Rouge.
She was
sick by the time she reached the hotel. She could barely walk to the desk. An
aspirin, a thermometer. Please help me to the elevator.
When
she woke up eight hours later, it was noon. The canvas bag was still in her
arms. Her temperature was 104. She called David, but the connection was dreadful.
He called her back; it was still no good. Nevertheless she tried to make
herself understood. The diary, it was Claudia's, absolutely, it confirmed
everything! And the phone, it wasn't connected, yet she heard the woman's
voice! The oil lamps, they'd been burning when she ran out of the flat. The
flat had been filled with furniture; there'd been fires in the grates. Could
they burn down the flat, these lamps and fires? David must do something! And he
was answering her, but she could barely hear him. She had the bag, she told
him, he must not worry.
It was
dark when she opened her eyes. The pain in her head had woken her up. The
digital clock on the dresser said ten thirty. Thirst, terrible thirst, and the
glass by the bed was empty. Someone else was in the room.
She
turned over on her back. Light through the thin white curtains. Yes, there. A
child, a little girl. She was sitting in the chair against the wall.
Jesse
could just see the outline clearly-the long yellow hair, the puff-sleeved dress,
the dangling legs that didn't touch the floor. She tried to focus. Child... not
possible. Apparition. No. Something occupying space. Something malevolent.
Menace- And the child was looking at her.
Claudia.
She
scrambled out of the bed, half falling, the bag in her arms still as she backed
up against the wall. The little girl got up. There was the clear sound of her
feet on the carpet. The sense of menace seemed to grow stronger. The child
moved into the light from the window as she came towards Jesse, and the light
struck her blue eyes, her rounded cheeks, her soft naked little arms.
Jesse
screamed. Clutching the bag against her, she rushed blindly in the direction of
the door. She clawed at the lock and chain, afraid to look over her shoulder.
The screams were coming out of her uncontrollably. Someone was calling from the
other side, and finally she had the door open and she was stumbling out into
the hallway.
People
surrounded her; but they couldn't stop her from getting away from the room. But
then someone was helping her up because apparently she'd fallen again. Someone
else had gotten a chair. She cried, trying to be quiet, yet unable to stop it,
and she held the bag with the doll and the diary in both hands.
When
the ambulance arrived, she refused to let them take the bag away from her. In
the hospital they gave her antibiotics, sedatives, enough dope to drive anyone
to insanity. She lay curled up like a child in the bed with the bag beside her
under the covers. If the nurse so much as touched it, Jesse woke at once.
When
Aaron Lightner arrived two days later, she gave it to him. She was still sick
when she got on the plane for London. The bag was in his lap, and he was so
good to her, calming her, caring for her, as she slept on and off on the long
flight home. It was only just before they landed that she realized her bracelet
was gone, her beautiful silver bracelet. She'd cried softly with her eyes
closed. Mael's bracelet gone.
They
pulled her off the assignment.
She
knew even before they told her. She was too young for this work, they said, too
inexperienced. It had been their mistake, sending her. It was simply too
dangerous for her to continue. Of course what she had done was of "immense
value." And the haunting, it had been one of unusual power. The spirit of
a dead vampire? Entirely possible. And the ringing phone, well, there were many
reports of such things-entities used various means to "communicate"
or frighten. Best to rest now, put it out of her mind. Others would continue
the investigation.
As for
the diary, it included only a few more entries, nothing more significant than
what she herself had read. The psychometrics who had examined the rosary and
the doll learned nothing. These things would be stored with utmost care. But
Jesse really must remove her mind from all this immediately.
Jesse
argued. She begged to go back. She threw a scene of sorts, finally. But it was
like talking to the Vatican. Some day, ten years from now, maybe twenty, she
could enter this particular field again. No one was ruling out such a
possibility, but for the present the answer was no. Jesse was to rest, get
better, forget what had taken place.
Forget
what had taken place...
She was
sick for weeks. She wore white flannel gowns all day long and drank endless
cups of hot tea. She sat in the window seat of her room. She looked out on the
soft deep greenery of the park, at the heavy old oak trees. She watched the
cars come and go, tiny bits of soundless color moving on the distant gravel
road. Lovely here, such stillness. They brought her delicious things to eat, to
drink. David came and talked softly to her of anything but the vampires. Aaron
filled her room with flowers. Others came.
She
talked little, or not at all. She could not explain to them how deeply this
hurt her, how it reminded her of the long ago summer when she'd been pushed
away from other secrets, other mysteries, other documents in vaults. It was the
same old story. She'd glimpsed something of inestimable importance, only to
have it locked away.
And now
she would never understand what she'd seen or experienced. She must remain here
in silence with her regrets. Why hadn't she picked up that phone, spoken into
it, listened to the voice on the other end?
And the
child, what had the spirit of the child wanted! Was it the diary or the doll!
No, Jesse had been meant to find them and remove them! And yet she had turned
away from the spirit of the child! She who had addressed so many nameless
entities, who had stood bravely in darkened rooms talking to weak flickering
things when others fled in panic. She who comforted others with the old
assurance: these beings, whatever they are, cannot do us harm!
One
more chance, she pleaded. She went over everything that had happened. She must
return to that New Orleans flat. David and Aaron were silent. Then David came
to her and put his arm around her.
"Jesse,
my darling," he said. "We love you. But in this area above all
others, one simply does not break the rules."
At
night she dreamed of Claudia. Once she woke at four o'clock and went to the
window and looked out over the park straining to see past the dim lights from
the lower windows. There was a child out there, a tiny figure beneath the
trees, in a red cloak and hood, a child looking up at her. She had run down the
stairs, only to find herself stranded finally on the empty wet grass with the
cold gray morning coming.
In the
spring they sent her to New Delhi.
She was
to document evidence of reincarnation, reports from little children in India
that they remembered former lives. There had been much promising work done in
this field by a Dr. Ian Stevenson. And Jesse was to undertake an independent
study on behalf of the Talamasca which might produce equally fruitful results.
Two
elder members of the order met her in Delhi. They made her right at home in the
old British mansion where they lived. She grew to love the work; and after the
initial shocks and minor discomforts, she grew to love India as well. By the
end of the year she was happy-and useful-again.
And
something else happened, a rather small thing, yet it seemed a good omen. In a
pocket of her old suitcase-the one Maharet had sent her years ago-she'd found
Mael's silver bracelet.
Yes,
happy she had been.
But she
did not forget what had happened. There were nights when she would remember so
vividly the image of Claudia that she would get up and turn on every light in
the room. At other times she thought she saw around her in the city streets
strange white-faced beings very like the characters in Interview with the
Vampire. She felt she was being watched.
Because
she could not tell Maharet about this strange adventure, her letters became
even more hurried and superficial. Yet Maharet was as faithful as ever. When
members of the family came to Delhi, they visited Jesse. They tried to keep her
in the fold. They sent her news of weddings, births, funerals. They begged her
to visit during the holidays. Matthew and Maria wrote from America, begging
Jesse to come home soon. They missed her.
Jesse
spent four happy years in India. She documented over three hundred individual
cases which included startling evidence of reincarnation. She worked with some
of the finest psychic investigators she had ever known. And she found her work
continuously rewarding, almost comforting. Very unlike the chasing of haunts
which she had done in her early years.
In the
fall of her fifth year, she finally yielded to Matthew and Maria. She would
come home to the States for a four-week visit. They were overjoyed.
The
reunion meant more to Jesse than she had ever thought it would. She loved being
back in the old New York apartment. She loved the late night dinners with her
adopted parents. They didn't question her about her work. Left alone during the
day, she called old college friends for lunch or took long solitary walks
through the bustling urban landscape of all her childhood hopes and dreams and
griefs.
Two
weeks after her return, Jesse saw The Vampire Lestat in the window of a bookstore.
For a moment, she thought she'd made a mistake. Not possible. But there it was.
The bookstore clerk told her of the record album by the same name, and the
upcoming San Francisco concert. Jesse bought a ticket on the way home at the
record store where she purchased the album.
All day
Jesse lay alone in her room reading the book. It was as if the nightmare of Interview
with the Vampire had returned and, once again, she could not get out of it.
Yet she was strangely compelled by every word. Yes, real, all of you.
And how the tale twisted and turned as it moved back in time to the Roman coven
of Santino, to the island refuge of Marius, and to the Druid grove of Mael. And
finally to Those Who Must Be Kept, alive yet hard and white as marble.
Ah,
yes, she had touched that stone! She had looked into Mael's eyes; she had felt
the clasp of Santino's hand. She had seen the painting done by Marius in the
vault of the Talamasca!
When
she closed her eyes to sleep, she saw Maharet on the balcony of the Sonoma
compound. The moon was high above the tips of the redwoods. And the warm night
seemed unaccountably full of promise and danger. Eric and Mael were there. So
were others whom she'd never seen except in Lestat's pages. All of the same
tribe; eyes incandescent, shimmering hair, skin a poreless shining substance.
On her silver bracelet she had traced a thousand times the old Celtic symbols
of gods and goddesses to whom the Druids spoke in woodland groves like that to
which Marius had once been taken prisoner. How many links did she require
between these esoteric fictions and the unforgettable summer?
One
more, without question. The Vampire Lestat himself-in San Francisco, where she
would see him and touch him-that would be the final link. She would know then, in
that physical moment, the answer to everything.
The
clock ticked. Her loyalty to the Talamasca was dying in the warm quiet. She
could tell them not a word of it. And such a tragedy it was, when they would
have cared so much and so selflessly; they would have doubted none of it.
The
lost afternoon. She was there again. Going down into Maharet's cellar by the
spiral stairway. Could she not push back the door? Look. See what you saw then.
Something not so horrible at first glance-merely those she knew and loved,
asleep in the dark, asleep. But Mael lies on the cold floor as if dead and
Maharet sits against the wall, upright like a statue. Her eyes are open!
She
awoke with a start, her face flushed, the room cold and dim around her.
"Miriam," she said aloud. Gradually the panic subsided. She had drawn
closer, so afraid. She had touched Maharet. Cold, petrified. And Mael dead! The
rest was darkness.
New
York. She lay on the bed with the book in her hand. And Miriam didn't come to
her. Slowly, she climbed to her feet and walked across the bedroom to the
window.
There,
opposite in the dirty afternoon gloom, stood the high narrow phantom town house
of Stanford White. She stared until the bulky image gradually faded.
From
the album cover propped on the dresser the Vampire Lestat smiled at her.
She
closed her eyes. She envisioned the tragic pair of Those Who Must Be Kept.
Indestructible King and Queen on their Egyptian throne, to whom the Vampire
Lestat sang his hymns out of the radios and the jukeboxes and From the little
tapes people carried with them. She saw Maharet's white face glowing in the
shadows. Alabaster. The stone that is always full of light.
Dusk
falling, suddenly as it does in the late fall, the dull afternoon fading into
the sharp brightness of evening. Traffic roared through the crowded street,
echoing up the sides of the buildings. Did ever traffic sound so loud as in the
streets of New York? She leaned her forehead against the glass. Stanford
White's house was visible in the corner of her eye. There were figures moving
inside it.
Jesse
left New York the next afternoon, in Matt's old roadster. She paid him for the
car in spite of his arguments. She knew she'd never bring it back. Then she
embraced her parents and, as casually as she could, she told them all the
simple heartfelt things she'd always wanted them to know.
That
morning, she had sent an express letter to Maharet, along with the two
"vampire" novels. She explained that she had left the Talamasca, she was
going to the Vampire Lestat's concert out west, and she wanted to stop at the
Sonoma compound. She had to see Lestat, it was of crucial importance. Would her
old key fit the lock of the Sonoma house? Would Maharet allow her to stop
there?
It was
the first night in Pittsburgh that she dreamed of the twins. She saw the two
women kneeling before the altar. She saw the cooked body ready to be devoured.
She saw one twin lift the plate with the heart; the other the plate with the
brain. Then the soldiers, the sacrilege.
By the
time she reached Salt Lake City she had dreamed of the twins three times. She
had seen them raped in a hazy and terrifying scene. She had seen a baby born to
one of the sisters. She had seen the baby hidden when the twins were again hunted
down and taken prisoner. Had they been killed? She could not tell. The red
hair. If only she could see their faces, their eyes! The red hair tormented
her.
Only
when she called David from a roadside pay phone did she learn that others had
had these dreams-psychics and mediums the world over. Again and again the
connection had been made to the Vampire Lestat. David told Jesse to come home
immediately.
Jesse
tried to explain gently. She was going to the concert to see Lestat for
herself. She had to. There was more to tell, but it was too late now. David
must try to forgive her.
"You
will not do this, Jessica," David said. "What is happening is no
simple matter for records and archives. You must come back, Jessica. The truth
is, you are needed here. You are needed desperately. It's unthinkable that you
should attempt this 'sighting' on your own. Jesse, listen to what I'm telling
you."
"I
can't come back, David. I've always loved you. Loved you all. But tell me. It's
the last question I'll ever ask you. How can you not come yourself?"
"Jesse,
you're not listening to me."
"David,
the truth. Tell me the truth. Have you ever really believed in them? Or has it
always been a question of artifacts and files and paintings in vaults, things
you can see and touch! You know what I'm saying, David. Think of the Catholic
priest, when he speaks the words of consecration at Mass. Does he really
believe Christ is on the altar? Or is it just a matter of chalices and
sacramental wine and the choir singing?"
Oh,
what a liar she had been to keep so much from him yet press him so hard. But
his answer had not disappointed her.
"Jesse,
you've got it wrong. I know what these creatures are. I've always known.
There's never been the slightest doubt with me. And on account of that, no
power on earth could induce me to attend this concert. It is you who can't
accept the truth. You'll have to see it to believe it! Jesse, the danger's
real. Lestat is exactly what he professes to be, and there will be others
there, even more dangerous, others who may spot you for what you are and try to
hurt you. Realize this and do as I tell you. Come home now."
What a
raw and painful moment. He was striving to reach her, and she was only telling
him farewell. He had said other things, that he would tell her "the whole
story," that he would open the files to her, that she was needed on this
very matter by them all.
But her
mind had been drifting. She couldn't tell him her "whole story," that
was the sorrow. She'd been drowsy again, the dream threatening as she hung up
the phone. She'd seen the plates, the body on the altar. Their mother. Yes,
their mother. Time to sleep. The dream wants in. And then go on.
Highway
101. Seven thirty-five p.m. Twenty-five minutes until the concert.
She had
just come through the mountain pass on the Waldo Grade and there was the old
miracle-the great crowded skyline of San Francisco tumbling over the hills, far
beyond the black glaze of the water. The towers of the Golden Gate loomed ahead
of her, the ice cold wind off the Bay freezing her naked hands as she gripped
the steering wheel.
Would
the Vampire Lestat be on time? It made her laugh to think of an immortal
creature having to be on time. Well, she would be on time; the journey was
almost ended.
All grief
was gone now, for David and Aaron and those she'd loved. There was no grief
either for the Great Family. Only the gratitude for all of it. Yet maybe David
was right. Perhaps she had not accepted the cold frightening truth of the
matter, but had merely slipped into the realm of memories and ghosts, of pale
creatures who were the proper stuff of dreams and madness.
She was
walking towards the phantom town house of Stanford White, and it didn't matter
now who lived there. She would be welcome. They had been trying to tell her
that ever since she could remember.
Very little is more worth our time than understanding the talent of Substance. ... A bee, a living bee, at the windowglass, trying to get out, doomed, it can't understand. STAN RICE Untitled Poem from Pig's Progress (1976)
Daniel
Long
curving lobby; the crowd was like liquid sloshing against the colorless walls.
Teenagers in Halloween costume poured through the front doors; lines were
forming to purchase yellow wigs, black satin capes- "Fang teeth, fifty
cents!"-glossy programs. Whiteface everywhere he looked. Painted eyes and
mouths. And here and there bands of men and women carefully done up in
authentic nineteenth-century clothes, their makeup and coiffed hair exquisite.
A
velvet-clad woman tossed a great shower of dead rosebuds into the air above her
head. Painted blood flowed down her ashen cheeks. Laughter.
He
could smell the greasepaint, and the beer, so alien now to his senses: rotten.
The hearts beating all around him made a low, delicious thunder against the
tender tympana of his ears.
He must
have laughed out loud, because he felt the sharp pinch of Armand's fingers on
his arm. "Daniel!"
"Sorry,
boss," he whispered. Nobody was paying a damn bit of attention anyway;
every mortal within sight was disguised; and who were Armand and Daniel but two
pale nondescript young men in the press, black sweaters, jeans, hair partially
hidden under sailor's caps of blue wool, eyes behind dark glasses. "So
what's the big deal? I can't laugh out loud, especially now that everything is
so funny?"
Armand
was distracted; listening again. Daniel couldn't get it through his head to be
afraid. He had what he wanted now. None of you my brothers and sisters!
Armand had
said to him earlier, "You take a lot of teaching." That was during
the hunt, the seduction, the kill, the flood of blood through his greedy heart.
But he had become a natural at being unnatural, hadn't he, after the clumsy
anguish of the first murder, the one that had taken him from shuddering guilt
to ecstasy within seconds. Life by the mouthful. He'd woken up thirsting.
And
thirty minutes ago, they'd taken two exquisite little vagabonds in the ruins of
a derelict school by the park where the kids lived in boarded-up rooms with
sleeping bags and rags and little cans of Sterno to cook the food they stole
from the Haight-Ashbury dumpsters. No protests this time around. No, just the
thirsting and the ever increasing sense of the perfection and the inevitability
of it, the preternatural memory of the taste faultless. Hurry. Yet there had
been such an art to it with Armand, none of the rush of the night before when
time had been the crucial element.
Armand
had stood quietly outside the building, scanning it, waiting for "those
who wanted to die"; that was the way he liked to do it; you called to them
silently and they came out. And the death had a serenity to it. He'd tried to
show that trick to Louis long ago, he'd said, but Louis had found it distasteful.
And
sure enough the denim-clad cherubs had come wandering through the side door, as
if hypnotized by the music of the Pied Piper. "Yes, you came, we knew
you'd come..." Dull flat voices welcoming them as they were led up the
stairs and into a parlor made out of army blankets on ropes. To die in this
garbage in the sweep of the passing headlights through the cracks in the
plywood.
Hot
dirty little arms around Daniel's neck; reek of hashish in her hair; he could
scarcely stand it, the dance, her hips against him, then driving his fangs into
the flesh. "You love me, you know you do," she'd said. And he'd
answered yes with a clear conscience. Was it going to be this good forever?
He'd clasped her chin with his hand, underneath, pushing her head back, and
then, the death like a doubled fist going down his throat, to his gut, the heat
spreading, flooding his loins and his brain.
He'd
let her drop. Too much and not enough. He'd clawed at the wall for a moment
thinking it must be flesh and blood, too, and were it flesh and blood it could
be his. Then such a shock to know he wasn't hungry anymore. He was filled and
complete and the night waited, like something made out of pure light, and the
other one was dead, folded up like a baby in sleep on the grimy floor, and Armand,
glowing in the dark, just watching.
It was
getting rid of the bodies after that had been hard. Last night that had been
done out of his sight, as he wept. Beginner's luck. This time Armand said
"no trace means no trace." So they'd gone down together to bury them
deep beneath the basement floor in the old furnace room, carefully putting the
paving stones back in place. Lots of work even with such strength. So loathsome
to touch the corpse like that. Only for a second did it flicker in his mind: who
were they? Two fallen beings in a pit. No more now, no destiny. And the
waif last night? Was somebody looking for her somewhere? He'd been crying
suddenly. He'd heard it, then reached up and touched the tears coming out of
his eyes.
"What
do you think this is?" Armand had demanded, making him help with the
paving stones. "A penny dreadful novel? You don't feed if you can't cover
it up."
The
building had been crawling with gentle humans who noticed not a thing as they'd
stolen the clothes they now wore, uniforms of the young, and left by a broken
door into an alley. Not my brothers and sisters anymore. The woods have always
been filled with these soft doe-eyed things, with hearts beating for the arrow,
the bullet, the lance. And now at last I reveal my secret identity: I have
always been the huntsman.
"Is
it all right, the way I am now?" he'd asked Armand. "Are you
happy?" Haight Street, seven thirty-five. Bumper-to-bumper traffic,
junkies screaming on the corner. Why didn't they just go on to the concert? Doors
open already. He couldn't bear the anticipation.
But the
coven house was near, Armand had explained, big tumbledown mansion one block
from the park, and some of them were still hanging back in there plotting
Lestat's ruin. Armand wanted to pass close, just for a moment, know what was
going on.
"Looking
for someone?" Daniel had asked. "Answer me, are you pleased with me
or not?"
What
had he seen in Armand's face? A sudden flare of humor, lust? Armand had hurried
him along the dirty stained pavements, past the bars, the Cafés, the stores
crowded with stinking old clothes, the fancy clubs with their gilded letters on
the greasy plate glass and overhead fans stirring the fumes with gilded wooden
blades, while the potted ferns died a slow death in the heat and the
semidarkness. Past the first little children-"Trick or treat!"-in
their taffeta and glitter costumes.
Armand
had stopped, at once surrounded by tiny upturned faces covered in store-bought
masks, plastic spooks, ghouls, witches; a lovely warm light had filled his
brown eyes; with both hands he'd dropped shiny silver dollars in their little
candy sacks, then taken Daniel by the arm and led him on.
"I
love it well enough the way you turned out," he had whispered with a sudden
irrepressible smile, the warmth still there. "You're my firstborn,"
he'd said. Was there a catch in his throat, a sudden glancing from right to
left as if he'd found himself cornered? Back to the business at hand. "Be
patient. I am being afraid for us both, remember?"
Oh, we
shall go to the stars together! Nothing can stop us. All the ghosts running
through these streets are mortal!
Then
the coven house had blown up.
He'd
heard the blast before he saw it-and a sudden rolling plume of flame and smoke,
accompanied by a shrill sound he would never before have detected:
preternatural screams like silver paper curling in the heat. Sudden scatter of
shaggy-haired humans running to see the blaze.
Armand
had shoved Daniel off the street, into the stagnant air of a narrow liquor
store. Bilious glare; sweat and reek of tobacco; mortals, oblivious to the
nearby conflagration, reading the big glossy girlie magazines. Armand had
pushed him to the very rear of the tiny corridor. Old lady buying tiny carton
of milk and two cans of cat food out of the icebox. No way out of here.
But how
could one hide from the thing that was passing over, from the deafening sound
that mortals could not even hear? He'd lifted his hands to his ears, but that
was foolish, useless. Death out there in alleyways. Things like him running
through the debris of backyards, caught, burnt in their tracks. He saw it in
sputtering flashes. Then nothing. Ringing silence. The clanging bells and
squealing tires of the mortal world.
Yet
he'd been too enthralled still to be afraid. Every second was eternal, the
frost on the icebox door beautiful. The old lady with the milk in her hand,
eyes like two small cobalt stones.
Armand's
face had gone blank beneath the mask of his dark glasses, hands slipped into
his tight pants pockets. The tiny bell on the door jangled as a young man
entered, bought a single bottle of German beer, and went out.
"It's
over, isn't it?"
"For
now," Armand had answered.
Not
until they'd gotten in the cab did he say more.
"It
knew we were there; it heard us."
"Then
why didn't it-?"
"I
don't know. I only know it knew we were there. It knew before we found
shelter."
And
now, push and shove inside the hall, and he loved it, the crowd carrying them closer
and closer to the inner doors. He could not even raise his arms, so tight was
the press; yet young men and women elbowed past him, buffeted him with
delicious shocks; he laughed again as he saw the life-sized posters of Lestat
plastered to the walls.
He felt
Armand's fingers against his back; he felt a subtle change in Armand's whole
body. A red-haired woman up ahead had turned around and was facing them as she
was moved along towards the open door.
A soft
warm shock passed through Daniel. "Armand, the red hair." So like the
twins in the dream! It seemed her green eyes locked on him as he said,
"Armand, the twins!"
Then
her face vanished as she turned away again and disappeared inside the hall.
"No,"
Armand whispered. Small shake of his head. He was in a silent fury, Daniel
could feel it. He had the rigid glassy look he always got when profoundly
offended. "Talamasca," he whispered, with a faint uncharacteristic
sneer.
"Talamasca."
The word struck Daniel suddenly as beautiful. Talamasca. He broke it down from
the Latin, understood its parts. Somewhere out of his memory bank it came:
animal mask. Old word for witch or shaman.
"But
what does it really mean?" he asked.
"It
means Lestat is a fool," Armand said. Flicker of deep pain in his eyes.
"But it makes no difference now."
Khayman
Khayman
watched from the archway as the Vampire Lestat's car entered the gates of the
parking lot. Almost invisible Khayman was, even in the stylish denim coat and
pants he'd stolen earlier from a shop manikin. He didn't need the silver
glasses that covered his eyes. His glowing skin didn't matter. Not when
everywhere he looked he saw masks and paint, glitter and gauze and sequined
costumes.
He
moved closer to Lestat, as if swimming through the wriggling bodies of the youngsters
who mobbed the car. At last he glimpsed the creature's blond hair, and then his
violet blue eyes as he smiled and blew kisses to his adorers. Such charm the
devil had. He drove the car himself, gunning the motor and forcing the bumper
against these tender little humans even as he flirted, winked, seduced, as if
he and his foot on the gas pedal weren't connected to each other.
Exhilaration.
Triumph. That's what Lestat felt and knew at this moment. And even his reticent
companion, Louis, the dark-haired one in the car beside him, staring timidly at
the screaming children as if they were birds of paradise, didn't understand
what was truly happening.
Neither
knew that the Queen had waked. Neither knew the dreams of the twins. Their
ignorance was astonishing. And their young minds were so easy to scan.
Apparently the Vampire Lestat, who had hidden himself quite well until this
night, was now prepared to do battle with everyone. He wore his thoughts and
intentions like a badge of honor.
"Hunt
us down!" That's what he said aloud to his fans, though they didn't hear.
"Kill us. We're evil. We're bad. It's perfectly fine to cheer and sing
with us now. But when you catch on, well, then the serious business will begin.
And you'll remember that I never lied to you."
For one
instant his eyes and Khayman's eyes met. I want to be good! I would die for
that! But there was no recognition of who or what received this message.
Louis,
the watcher, the patient one, was there on account of love pure and simple. The
two had found each other only last night, and theirs had been an extraordinary
reunion. Louis would go where Lestat led him. Louis would perish if Lestat
perished. But their fears and hopes for this night were heartbreakingly human.
They did
not even guess that the Queen's wrath was close at hand, that she'd burnt the
San Francisco coven house within the hour. Or that the infamous vampire tavern
on Castro Street was burning now, as the Queen hunted down those fleeing from
it.
But
then the many blood drinkers scattered throughout this crowd did not know these
simple facts either. They were too young to hear the warnings of the old, to
hear the screams of the doomed as they perished. The dreams of the twins had
only confused them. From various points, they glared at Lestat, overcome with
hatred or religious fervor. They would destroy him or make of him a god. They
did not guess at the danger that awaited them.
But
what of the twins themselves? What was the meaning of the dreams?
Khayman
watched the car move on, forcing its way towards the back of the auditorium. He
looked up at the stars overhead, the tiny pinpricks of light behind the mist
that hung over the city. He thought he could feel the closeness of his old
sovereign.
He
turned back towards the auditorium and made his way carefully through the
press. To forget his strength in such a crowd as this would have been disaster.
He would bruise flesh and break bones without even feeling it.
He took
one last look at the sky, and then he went inside, easily befuddling the ticket
taker as he went through the little turnstile and towards the nearest stairway.
The
auditorium was almost filled. He looked about himself thoughtfully, savoring
the moment somewhat as he savored everything. The hall itself was nothing, a
shell of a place to hold light and sound-utterly modern and unredeemably ugly.
But the
mortals, how pretty they were, glistering with health, their pockets full of
gold, sound bodies everywhere, in which no organ had been eaten by the worms of
disease, no bone ever broken.
In fact
the sanitized well-being of this entire city rather amazed Khayman. True, he'd
seen wealth in Europe such as he could never have imagined, but nothing equaled
the flawless surface of this small and overpopulated place, even to the San
Francisco peasantry, whose tiny stucco cottages were choked with luxuries of
every description. Driveways here were jammed with handsome automobiles.
Paupers drew their money from bank machines with magic plastic cards. No slums
anywhere. Great towers the city had, and fabulous hostelries; mansions in
profusion; yet girded as it was by sea and mountains and the glittering waters
of the Bay, it seemed not so much a capital as a resort, an escape from the
world's greater pain and ugliness.
No
wonder Lestat had chosen this place to throw down the gauntlet, in the main,
these pampered children were good. Deprivation had never wounded or weakened
them. They might prove perfect combatants for real evil. That is, when they
came to realize that the symbol and the thing were one and the same. Wake up
and smell the blood, young ones.
But
would there be time for that now?
Lestat's
great scheme, whatever it truly was, might be stillborn; for surely the Queen
had a scheme of her own, and Lestat knew nothing of it.
Khayman
made his way now to the top of the hall. To the very last row of wooden seats
where he had been earlier. He settled comfortably in the same spot, pushing
aside the two "vampire books," which still lay on the floor, unnoticed.
Earlier,
he had devoured the texts-Louis's testament: "Behold, the void." And
Lestat's history: "And this and this and this, and it means nothing."
They had clarified for him many things. And what Khayman had divined of
Lestat's intentions had been confirmed completely. But of the mystery of the
twins, of course, the book told nothing.
And as
for the Queen's true intent, that continued to baffle him.
She had
slain hundreds of blood drinkers the world over, yet left others unharmed-Even now,
Marius lived. In destroying her shrine, she had punished him but not killed
him, which would have been simple. He called to the older ones from his prison
of ice, warning, begging for assistance. And effortlessly, Khayman sensed two
immortals moving to answer Marius's call, though one, Marius's own child, could
not even hear it. Pandora was that one's name; she was a lone one, a strong
one. The other, called Santino, did not have her power, but he could hear
Marius's voice, as he struggled to keep pace with her.
Without
doubt the Queen could have struck them down had she chosen to do it. Yet on and
on they moved, clearly visible, clearly audible, yet unmolested.
How did
the Queen make such choices? Surely there were those in this very hall whom she
had spared for some purpose...
Daniel
They
had reached the doors, and now had to push the last few feet down a narrow ramp
into the giant open oval of the main floor.
The
crowd loosened, like marbles rolling in all directions. Daniel moved towards
the center, his fingers hooked around Armand's belt so as not to lose him, his
eyes roaming over the horseshoe-shaped theater, the high banks of seats rising
to the ceiling. Mortals everywhere swarmed the cement stairs, or hung over iron
railings, or flowed into the milling crowd around him.
A blur
it was suddenly, the noise of it like the low grind of a giant machine. But
then in the moment of deliberately distorted vision, he saw the others.
He saw the simple, inescapable difference between the living and the dead.
Beings like himself in every direction, concealed in the mortal forest, yet
shining like the eyes of an owl in the light of the moon. No paint or dark
glasses or shapeless hats or hooded capes could ever conceivably hide them from
each other. And it wasn't merely the unearthly sheen to their faces or hands.
It was the slow, lissome grace of their movements, as if they were more spirit
than flesh.
Ah,
my brothers and sisters, at last!
But it
was hatred he felt around him. A rather dishonest hatred! They loved Lestat and
condemned him simultaneously. They loved the very act of hating, punishing.
Suddenly, he caught the eye of a powerful hulking creature with greasy black
hair who bared his fangs in an ugly flash and then revealed the plan in
stunning completeness. Beyond the prying eyes of mortals, they would hack
Lestat's limbs from his body; they would sever his head; then the remains would
be burnt on a pyre by the sea. The end of the monster and his legend. Are
you with us or against us?
Daniel
laughed out loud. "You'll never kill him," Daniel said. Yet he gaped
as he glimpsed the sharpened scythe the creature held against his chest inside
his coat. Then the beast turned and vanished. Daniel gazed upwards through the
smoky light. One of them now. Know all their secrets! He felt giddy, on
the verge of madness.
Armand's
hand closed on his shoulder. They had come to the very center of the main
floor. The crowd was getting denser by the second. Pretty girls in black silk
gowns shoved and pushed against the crude bikers in their worn black leather.
Soft feathers brushed his cheek; he saw a red devil with giant horns; a bony
skeleton face topped with golden curls and pearl combs. Random cries rose in
the bluish gloom. The bikers howled like wolves; someone shouted
"Lestat" in a deafening voice, and others took up the call instantly.
Armand
again had the lost expression, the expression that belonged to deep
concentration, as if what he saw before him meant nothing at all.
"Thirty
perhaps," he whispered in Daniel's ear, "no more than that, and one
or two so old they could destroy the rest of us in an instant."
"Where,
tell me where?"
"Listen,"
Armand said. "And see for yourself. There is no hiding from them."
Khayman
Maharet's
child. Jessica. The
thought caught Khayman off guard. Protect Maharet's child. Somehow escape
from here.
He
roused himself, senses sharpened. He'd been listening to Marius again, Marius
trying to reach the young untuned ears of the Vampire Lestat, who preened
backstage, before a broken mirror. What could this mean, Maharet's child,
Jessica, and when the thoughts pertained, without doubt, to a mortal woman?
It came
again, the unexpected communication of some strong yet unveiled mind: Take
care of Jesse. Somehow stop the Mother... But there were no words really-it
was no more than a shining glimpse into another's soul, a sparkling overflow.
Khayman's
eyes moved slowly over the balconies opposite, over the swarming main floor.
Far away in some remote corner of the city, an old one wandered, full of fear
of the Queen yet longing to look upon her face. He had come here to die, but to
know her face in the final instant.
Khayman
closed his eyes to shut this out.
Then he
heard it again suddenly. Jessica, my Jessica. And behind the soulful
call, the knowledge of Maharet! The sudden vision of Maharet, enshrined in
love, and ancient and white as he himself was. It was a moment of stunning
pain. He slumped back in the wooden seat and bowed his head just a little. Then
he looked out again over the steel rafters, the ugly tangles of black wire and
rusted cylindrical lights. Where are you?
There,
far away against the opposite wall, he saw the figure from whom the thoughts
were coming. Ah, the oldest he had seen so far. A giant Nordic blood drinker,
seasoned and cunning, dressed in coarse brown rawhide garments, with flowing
straw-colored hair, his heavy brows and small deep-set eyes giving him a
brooding expression.
The
being was tracking a small mortal woman who fought her way through the crowds
of the main floor. Jesse, Maharet's mortal daughter.
Maddened,
disbelieving, Khayman focused tightly on the small woman. He felt his eyes mist
with tears as he saw the astonishing resemblance. Here was Maharet's long
coppery red hair, curling, thick, and the same tall birdlike frame, the same
clever and curious green eyes, sweeping the scene as the female let herself be
turned around and around by those who pushed against her.
Maharet's
profile. Maharet's skin, which had been so pale and almost luminous in life, so
like the inner lining of a seashell.
In a
sudden vivid memory, he saw Maharet's skin through the mesh of his own dark
fingers. As he had pushed her face to the side during the rape, his fingertips
had touched the delicate folds of flesh over her eyes. Not till a year later
had they plucked out her eyes and he had been there remembering the moment, the
feel of the flesh. That is before he had picked up the eyes themselves and...
He
shuddered. He felt a sharp pain in his lungs. His memory wasn't going to fail
him. He would not slip away from this moment, the happy clown remembering
nothing.
Maharet's
child, all right. But how? Through how many generations had these
characteristics survived to flower again in this small female who appeared to
be fighting her way towards the stage at the end of the hall?
It was
not impossible, of course. He quickly realized it. Perhaps three hundred
ancestors stood between this twentieth-century woman and the long ago afternoon
when he had put on the King's medallion and stepped down from the dais to
commit the King's rape. Maybe even less than that. A mere fraction of this
crowd, to put it more neatly in perspective.
But
more astonishing than this, that Maharet knew her own descendants. And know this
woman Maharet did. The tall blood drinker's mind yielded that fact immediately.
He
scanned the tall Nordic one. Maharet, alive. Maharet, the guardian of her
mortal family. Maharet, the embodiment of illimitable strength and will.
Maharet who had given him, this blond servant, no explanation of the dreams of
the twins, but had sent him here instead to do her bidding: save Jessica.
Ah, but
she lives, Khayman thought. She lives, and if she lives then in a real way,
they both live, the red-haired sisters!
Khayman
studied the creature even more intently, probing even deeper. But all he caught
now was the fierce protectiveness.
Rescue
Jesse, not merely from the danger of the Mother but from this place altogether,
where Jesse's eyes would see what no one could ever explain away.
And how
he loathed the Mother, this tall, fair being with the posture of a warrior and
a priest in one. He loathed that the Mother had disrupted the serenity of his
timeless and melancholy existence; loathed that his sad, sweet love for this
woman, Jessica, exacerbated the alarm he felt for himself. He knew the extent
of the destruction too, that every blood drinker from one end of this continent
to the other had been destroyed, save for a precious few, most of whom were
under this roof, never dreaming of the fate that threatened them.
He knew
as well of the dreams of the twins, but he did not understand them. After all,
two red-headed sisters he had never known; only one red-haired beauty ruled his
life. And once again Khayman saw Maharet's face, a vagrant image of softened
weary human eyes peering from a porcelain mask: Mael, do not ask me anything
more. But do as I tell you.
Silence.
The blood drinker was aware of the surveillance suddenly. With a little jerk of
his head he looked around the hall, trying to spot the intruder.
The
name had done it, as names so often do. The creature had felt himself known,
recognized. And Khayman had recognized the name at once, connecting it with the
Mael of Lestat's pages. Undoubtedly they were one and the same-this was the
Druid priest who had lured Marius into the sacred grove where the blood god had
made him one of its own, and sent him off to Egypt to find the Mother and the
Father.
Yes,
this was the same Mael. And the creature felt himself recognized and hated it.
After
the initial spasm of rage, all thought and emotion vanished. A rather dizzying
display of strength, Khayman conceded. He relaxed in the chair. But the
creature couldn't find him. Two dozen other white faces he picked out of the
crowd, but not Khayman.
Intrepid
Jessica had meantime reached her destination. Ducking low, she'd slipped
through the heavy-muscled motorcycle riders who claimed, the space before the
stage as their own, and had risen to take hold of the lip of the wooden
platform.
Flash
of her silver bracelet in the light. And that might as well have been a tiny
dagger to the mental shield of Mael, because his love and his thoughts were
wholly visible again for one fluid instant.
This
one is going to die, too, if he doesn't become wise, Khayman thought. He'd been
schooled by Maharet, no doubt, and perhaps nourished by her powerful blood; yet
his heart was undisciplined, and his temper beyond his control, it was obvious.
Then
some feet behind Jesse, in the swirling color and noise, Khayman spied another
intriguing figure, much younger, yet almost as powerful in his own fashion as
the Gaul, Mael.
Khayman
sought for the name, but the creature's mind was a perfect blank; not so much as
a glimmer of personality escaped from it. A boy he'd been when he died, with
straight dark auburn hair, and eyes a little too big for his face. But it was
easy, suddenly, to filch the being's name from Daniel, his newborn fledgling
who stood beside him. Armand. And the fledgling, Daniel, was scarcely dead. All
the tiny molecules of his body were dancing with the demon's invisible
chemistry.
Armand
immediately attracted Khayman. Surely he was the same Armand of whom Louis and
Lestat had both written-the immortal with the form of a youth. And this meant
that he was no more than five hundred years old, yet he veiled himself
completely. Shrewd, cold he seemed, yet without flair-a stance that required no
room in which to display itself. And now, sensing infallibly that he was
watched, he turned his large soft brown eyes upward and fixed instantly upon
the remote figure of Khayman.
"No
harm meant to you or your young one," Khayman whispered, so that his lips
might shape and control the thoughts. "No friend to the Mother,"
Armand
heard but gave no answer. Whatever terror he felt at the sight of one so old,
he masked completely. One would have thought he was looking at the wall behind
Khayman's head, at the steady stream of laughing and shouting children who poured
down the steps from the topmost doorways.
And,
quite inevitably, this oddly beguiling little five-hundred-year-old being fixed
his eyes upon Mael as the gaunt one felt another irresistible surge of concern
for his fragile Jesse.
Khayman
understood this being, Armand. He felt he understood him and liked him
completely. As their eyes met again, all that had been written of this creature
in the two little histories was informed and balanced by the creature's innate
simplicity. The loneliness which Khayman had felt in Athens was now very
strong.
"Not
unlike my own simple soul," Khayman whispered. "You're lost in all
this because you know the terrain too well. And that no matter how far you
walk, you come again to the same mountains, the same valley."
No response.
Of course. Khayman shrugged and smiled. To this one he'd give anything that he
could; and guilelessly, he let Armand know it.
Now the
question was, how to help them, these two that might have some hope of sleeping
the immortal sleep until another sunset. And most important of all, how to
reach Maharet, to whom the fierce and distrusting Mael was unstintingly
devoted.
To
Armand, Khayman said with the slightest movement of his lips: "No friend
of the Mother. I told you. And keep with the mortal crowd. She'll pick you out
when you step apart. It's that simple."
Armand's
face registered no change. Beside him, the fledgling Daniel was happy, glorying
in the pageant that surrounded him. He knew no fear, no plans or dreams. And
why not? He had this extremely powerful creature to take care of him. He was a
damn sight luckier than the rest, Khayman
rose to his feet. It was the loneliness as much as anything else. He would be
near to one of these two, Armand or Mael. That's what he had wanted in Athens
when all this glorious remembering and knowing had begun. To be near another
like himself. To speak, to touch... something.
He
moved along the top aisle of the hall, which circled the entire room, save for
a margin at the far end behind the stage which belonged to the giant video
screen.
He
moved with slow human grace, careful not to crush the mortals who pushed
against him. And also he wanted this slow progress because he must give Mael
the opportunity to see him.
He knew
instinctively that if he snuck up on this proud and quarrelsome thing, the
insult would never be borne. And so he proceeded, only picking up his pace when
he realized Mael was now aware of his approach.
Mael
couldn't hide his fear as Armand could. Mael had never seen a blood drinker of
Khayman's age save for Maharet; he was gazing at a potential enemy. Khayman
sent the same warm greeting he had sent to Armand-Armand who watched-but
nothing in the old warrior's stance changed.
The
auditorium was now full and locked; outside children screamed and beat upon the
doors. Khayman heard the whine and belch of the police radios.
The
Vampire Lestat and his cohorts stood spying upon the hall through the holes in
a great serge curtain.
Lestat
embraced his companion Louis, and they kissed on the mouth, as the mortal
musicians put their arms around both of them.
Khayman
paused to feel the passion of the crowd, the very air charged with it.
Jessica
had rested her arms on the edge of the platform. She had rested her chin upon
the back of her hands. The men behind her, hulking creatures clothed in shiny
black leather, shoved her brutally, out of carelessness and drunken exuberance,
but they couldn't dislodge her.
Neither
could Mael, should he make the attempt.
And
something else came clear to Khayman suddenly, as he looked down at her. It was
the single word Talamasca. This woman belonged to them; she was part of the
order.
Not
possible, he thought again, then laughed silently at his own foolish innocence.
This was a night of shocks, was it not? Yet it seemed quite incredible that the
Talamasca should have survived from the time he had known it centuries before,
when he had played with its members and tormented them, and then turned his
back on them out of pity for their fatal combination of innocence and
ignorance.
Ah,
memory was too ghastly a thing. Let his past lives slip into oblivion! He could
see the faces of those vagabonds, those secular monks of the Talamasca who had
so clumsily pursued him across Europe, recording glimpses of him in great
leather-bound books, their quill pens scratching late into the night. Benjamin
had been his name in that brief respite of consciousness, and Benjamin the
Devil they had labeled him in their fancy Latin script, sending off crackling
parchment epistles with big sloppy wax seals to their superiors in Amsterdam.
It had
been a game to him, to steal their letters and add his notes to them; to
frighten them; to crawl out from under their beds in the night and grab them by
the throats and shake them; it had been fun; and what was not? When the fun
stopped, he'd always lost his memory again.
But he
had loved them; not exorcists they, or witch-hunting priests, or sorcerers who
hoped to chain and control his power. It had even occurred to him once that
when it came time to sleep, he would choose the vaults beneath their moldy
Motherhouse. For all their meddlesome curiosity, they would never have betrayed
him.
And now
to think that the order had survived, with the tenacity of the Church of Rome,
and this pretty mortal woman with the shining bracelet on her arm, beloved of
Maharet and Mael, was one of their special breed. No wonder she had fought her
way to the front ranks, as if to the bottom step of the altar.
Khayman
drew closer to Mael, but he stopped short of him by several feet, the crowd
passing ceaselessly in front of them. This he did out of respect for Mael's
apprehension, and the shame the creature felt for being afraid. It was Mael who
approached and stood at Khayman's side.
The
restless crowd passed them as if they were the wall itself. Mael leant close to
Khayman, which in its own way was a greeting, an offering of trust. He looked
out over the hall, where no empty seat was visible, and the main floor was a
mosaic of flashing colors and glistening hair and tiny upthrust fists. Then he
reached out and touched Khayman as if he couldn't prevent himself from doing
it. With his fingertips he touched the back of Khayman's left hand. And Khayman
remained still to allow this little exploration.
How
many times had Khayman seen such a gesture between immortals, the young one
verifying for himself the texture and hardness of the elder's flesh. Hadn't
some Christian saint slipped his hand in Christ's wounds because the sight of
them had not been sufficient? More mundane comparisons made Khayman smile. It
was like two fierce dogs tentatively examining each other.
Far
below, Armand remained impassive as he kept his eyes upon the two figures.
Surely he saw Mael's sudden disdainful glance, but he did not acknowledge it.
Khayman
turned and embraced Mael, and smiled at him. But this merely frightened Mael,
and Khayman felt the disappointment heavily. Politely, he stepped away. For a
moment he was painfully confused. He stared down at Armand. Beautiful Armand
who met his gaze with utter passivity. But it was time to say now what he'd
come to say.
"You
must make your shield stronger, my friend," he explained to Mael gently.
"Don't let your love for that girl expose you. The girl will be perfectly
safe from our Queen if you curb your thoughts of the girl's origins and her
protector. That name is anathema to the Queen. It always has been."
"And
where is the Queen?" Mael asked, his fear surging again, along with the
rage that he needed to fight it.
"She's
close."
"Yes,
but where?"
"I
cannot say. She's burnt their tavern house. She hunts the few rogues who
haven't come to the hall. She takes her time with it. And this I've learned
through the minds of her victims."
Khayman
could see the creature shudder. He could see subtle changes in him that marked
his ever increasing anger. Well and good. The fear withered in the heat of the
anger. But what a basically quarrelsome creature this one was. His mind did not
make sophisticated distinctions.
"And
why do you give me this warning," demanded Mael, "when she can hear
every word we speak to each other?"
"But
I don't think that she can," Khayman replied calmly. "I am of the
First Brood, friend. To hear other blood drinkers as we hear mortal men, that
curse belongs only to distant cousins. I could not read her mind if she stood
on this spot; and mine is closed to her as well, you can be sure of it. And so
it was with all our kind through the early generations."
That
clearly fascinated the blond giant. So Maharet could not hear the Mother!
Maharet had not admitted this to him.
"No,"
Khayman said, "and the Mother can only know of her through your thoughts,
so kindly guard them. Speak to me now in a human voice, for this city is a
wilderness of such voices."
Mael
considered, brows puckered in a frown. He glared at Khayman as if he meant to
hit him.
"And
this will defeat her?"
"Remember,"
Khayman said, "that excess can be the very opposite of essence." He
looked back at Armand as he spoke. "She who hears a multitude of voices
may not hear any one voice. And she who would listen closely to one, must shut
out the others. You are old enough to know the trick."
Mael
didn't answer out loud. But it was clear that he understood. The telepathic
gift had always been a curse to him, too, whether he was besieged by the voices
of blood drinkers or humans.
Khayman
gave a little nod. The telepathic gift. Such nice words for the madness that
had come on him eons ago, after years of listening, years of lying motionless,
covered with dust in the deep recesses of a forgotten Egyptian tomb, listening
to the weeping of the world, without knowledge of himself or his condition.
"Precisely
my point, my friend," he said. "And for two thousand years you have
fought the voices while our Queen may well have been drowned by them. It seems
the Vampire Lestat has outshouted the din; he has, as it were, snapped his
fingers in the corner of her eye and brought her to attention. But do not
overestimate the creature who sat motionless for so long. It isn't useful to do
so."
These
ideas startled Mael somewhat. But he saw the logic of them. Below, Armand
remained attentive.
"She
can't do all things," Khayman said, "whether she herself knows it or
not. She was always one to reach for the stars, and then draw back as if in
horror."
"How
so?" Mael said. Excited, he leaned closer. "What is she really
like!" he whispered.
"She
was full of dreams and high ideals. She was like Lestat." Khayman
shrugged. "The blond one down there who would be good and do good and
gather to himself the needy worshipers."
Mael
smiled, coldly, cynically.
"But
what in the name of hell does she mean to do?" he asked. "So he has
waked her with his abominable songs. Why does she destroy us?"
"There's
a purpose, you can be sure of it. With our Queen there has always been a
purpose. She could not do the smallest thing without a grand purpose. And you
must know we do not really change over time; we are as flowers unfolding; we
merely become more nearly ourselves." He glanced again at Armand. "As
for what her purpose may be, I can give you only speculations..."
"Yes,
tell me."
"This
concert will take place because Lestat wants it. And when it is finished, she
will slaughter more of our kind. But she will leave some, some to serve this
purpose, some perhaps to witness."
Khayman
gazed at Armand. Marvelous how his expressionless face conveyed wisdom, while
the harried, weary face of Mael did not. And who can say which one understood the
most? Mael gave a little bitter laugh.
"To
witness?" Mael asked. "I think not. I think she is cruder than that.
She spares those whom Lestat loves, it's that simple."
This
hadn't occurred to Khayman.
"Ah,
yes, think on it," Mael said, in the same sharply pronounced English.
"Louis, Lestat's companion. Is he not alive? And Gabrielle, the mother of
the fiend, she is near at hand, waiting to rendezvous with her son as soon as
it is wise to do so. And Armand, down there, whom you so like to look at, it seems
Lestat would see him again, so he is alive, and that outcast with him, the one
who published the accursed book, the one the others would tear limb from limb
if only they guessed..."
"No,
there's more to it than that. There has to be," Khayman said. "Some
of us she can't kill. And those who go to Marius now, Lestat knows nothing of
them but their names."
Mael's
face changed slightly; it underwent a deep, human flush, as his eyes narrowed.
It was clear to Khayman that Mael would have gone to Marius if he could. He
would have gone this very night, if only Maharet had come to protect Jessica.
He tried now to banish Maharet's name from his thoughts. He was afraid of
Maharet, deeply afraid.
"Ah,
yes, you try to hide what you know," Khayman said. "And this is just
what you must reveal to me."
"But
I can't," Mael said. The wall had gone up. Impenetrable. "I am not
given answers, only orders, my friend. And my mission is to survive this night,
and to take my charge safely out of here."
Khayman
meant to press, to demand. But he did neither. He had felt a soft, subtle
change in the atmosphere around him, a change so insignificant yet pure that he
couldn't call it movement or sound.
She was
coming. She was moving close to the hall. He felt himself slip away from his
body into pure listening; yes, it was she. All the sounds of the night rose to
confuse him, yet he caught it; a low irreducible sound which she could not
veil, the sound of her breathing, of the beat of her heart, of a force moving
through space at tremendous and unnatural speed, causing the inevitable tumult
amid the visible and the invisible.
Mael
sensed it; so did Armand. Even the young one beside Armand heard it, though so
many other young ones did not. Even some of the more finely tuned mortals seemed
to feel it and to be distracted by it.
"I
must go, friend," Khayman said. "Remember my advice." Impossible
to say more now.
She was
very close. Undoubtedly she scanned; she listened.
He felt
the first irresistible urge to see her, to scan for the minds of those hapless
souls out there in the night whose eyes might have passed over her.
"Good-bye,
friend," he said. "It's no good for me to be near you."
Mael
looked at him in confusion. Below, Armand gathered Daniel to him and made for the
edge of the crowd.
The
hall went dark suddenly; and for one split second Khayman thought it was her
magic, that some grotesque and vengeful judgment would now be made.
But the
mortal children all around him knew the ritual. The concert was about to begin!
The hall went mad with shrieks, and cheers, and stomping. Finally it became a
great collective roar. He felt the floor tremble.
Tiny
flames appeared as mortals struck their matches, ignited their chemical
lighters. And a drowsy beautiful illumination once again revealed the thousands
upon thousands of moving forms. The screams were a chorus from all sides.
"I
am no coward," Mael whispered suddenly, as if he could not remain silent.
He took hold of Khayman's arm, then let it go as if the hardness of it repelled
him.
"I
know," Khayman said.
"Help
me. Help Jessica."
"Don't
speak her name again. Stay away from her as I've told you. You are conquered
again, Druid. Remember? Time to fight with cunning, not rage. Stay with the
mortal herd. I will help you when and if I can."
There
was so much more he wanted to say! Tell me where Maharet is! But it was too
late now for that. He turned away and moved along the aisle swiftly until he
came to an open place above a long narrow flight of cement stairs.
Below on
the darkened stage, the mortal musicians appeared, darting over wires and
speakers to gather their instruments from the floor.
The
Vampire Lestat came striding through the curtain, his black cloak flaring
around him, as he moved to the very front of the platform. Not three feet from
Jesse he stood with microphone in hand.
The
crowd had gone into ecstasies. Clapping, hooting, howling, it was a noise such
as Khayman had never actually heard. He laughed in spite of himself at the
stupid frenzy, at the tiny smiling figure down there who loved it utterly, who
was laughing even as Khayman laughed.
Then in
a great white flash, light flooded the small stage. Khayman stared, not at the
small figures strutting in their finery, but at the giant video screen that rose
behind them to the very roof. The living image of the Vampire Lestat, thirty
feet in height, blazed before Khayman. The creature smiled; he lifted his arms,
and shook his mane of yellow hair; he threw back his head and howled.
The
crowd was on its feet in delirium; the very structure rumbled; but it was the
howl that filled all ears. The Vampire Lestat's powerful voice swallowed every
other sound in the auditorium.
Khayman
closed his eyes. In the heart of the monstrous cry of the Vampire Lestat, he listened
again for the sound of the Mother, but he could no longer find it.
"My
Queen," he whispered, searching, scanning, hopeless though it was. Did she
stand up there on some grassy slope listening to the music of her troubadour?
He felt the soft damp wind and saw the gray starless sky as random mortals felt
and saw these things. The lights of San Francisco, its spangled hills and
glowing towers, these were the beacons of the urban night, as terrible suddenly
as the moon or the drift of the galaxies.
He
closed his eyes. He envisioned her again as she'd been in the Athens street
watching the tavern burn with her children in it; her tattered cape had hung
loose over her shoulders, the hood thrown back from her plaited hair. Ah, the
Queen of Heaven she'd seemed, as she had once so loved to be known, presiding
over centuries of litany. Her eyes had been shining and empty in the electric
light; her mouth soft, guileless. The sheer sweetness of her face had been
infinitely beautiful.
The
vision carried him back now over the centuries to a dim and awful moment, when
he'd come, a mortal man, heart pounding to hear her will. His Queen, now cursed
and consecrated to the moon, the demon in her demanding blood, his Queen who
would not allow even the bright lamps to be near to her. How agitated she had
been, pacing the mud floor, the colored walls around her full of silent painted
sentinels.
"These
twins," she'd said, "these evil sisters, they have spoken such
abominations."
"Have
mercy," he had pleaded. "They meant no harm, I swear they tell the
truth. Let them go again, Your Highness. They cannot change it now."
Oh,
such compassion he had felt for all of them! The twins, and his afflicted
sovereign.
"Ah,
but you see, we must put it to the test, their revolting lies," she had
said. "You must come closer, my devoted steward, you who have always
served me with such devotion-"
"My
Queen, my beloved Queen, what do you want of me?"
And
with the same lovely expression on her face, she had lifted her icy hands to
touch his throat, to hold him fast suddenly with a strength that terrified him.
In shock, he'd watched her eyes go blank, her mouth open. The two tiny fang
teeth he'd seen, as she rose on tiptoe with the eerie grace of nightmare. Not
me. You would not do this to me! My Queen, I am Khayman!
He
should have perished long before now, as so many blood drinkers had afterwards.
Gone without a trace, like the nameless multitudes dissolved within the earth
of all lands and nations. But he had not perished. And the twins-at least
one-had lived on also.
Did she
know it? Did she know those terrible dreams? Had they come to her from the
minds of all the others who had received them? Or had she traveled the night
around the world, dreamless, and without cease, and bent upon one task, since
her resurrection?
They
live, my Queen, they live on in the one if not in the two together. Remember
the old prophecy! If only she could hear his voice!
He
opened his eyes. He was back again in the moment, with this ossified thing that
was his body. And the rising music saturated him with its remorseless rhythm.
It pounded against his ears. The flashing lights blinded him.
He
turned his back and put his hand against the wall. Never had he been so engulfed
by sound. He felt himself losing consciousness, but Lestat's voice called him
back.
With
his fingers splayed across his eyes, Khayman looked down at the fiery white
square of the stage. Behold the devil dance and sing with such obvious joy. It
touched Khayman's heart in spite of himself.
Lestat's
powerful tenor needed no electric amplification. And even the immortals lost
among their prey were singing with him, it was so contagious, this passion.
Everywhere he looked Khayman saw them caught up, mortal and immortal alike.
Bodies twisted in time with the bodies on the stage. Voices rose; the hall
swayed with one wave of movement after another.
The
giant face of Lestat expanded on the video screen as the camera moved in upon
it. The blue eye fixed upon Khayman and winked. "WHY DON'T YOU KILL ME!
YOU KNOW WHAT I AM!"
Lestat's
laughter rose above the twanging scream of the guitars.
"DON'T
YOU KNOW EVIL WHEN YOU SEE IT?"
Ah,
such a belief in goodness, in heroism. Khayman could see it even in the creature's
eyes, a dark gray shadow there of tragic need. Lestat threw back his head and
roared again; he stamped his feet and howled; he looked to the rafters as if
they were the firmament.
Khayman
forced himself to move; he had to escape. He made his way clumsily to the door,
as if suffocating in the deafening sound. Even his sense of balance had been
affected. The blasting music came after him into the stairwell, but at least he
was sheltered from the flashing lights. Leaning against the wall, he tried to clear
his vision.
Smell
of blood. Hunger of so many blood drinkers in the hall. And the throb of the
music through the wood and the plaster.
He
moved down the steps, unable to hear his own feet on the concrete, and sank
down finally on a deserted landing. He wrapped his arms around his knees and
bowed his head.
The
music was like the music of old, when all songs had been the songs of the body,
and the songs of the mind had not yet been invented.
He saw
himself dancing; he saw the King-the mortal king he had so loved-turn and leap
into the air; he heard the beat of the drums; the rise of the pipes; the King
put the beer in Khayman's hand. The table sagged beneath its wealth of roasted
game and glistening fruit, its steaming loaves of bread. The Queen sat in her
golden chair, immaculate and serene, a mortal woman with a tiny cone of scented
wax atop her elaborate hair, melting slowly in the heat to perfume her plaited
tresses.
Then
someone had put the coffin in his hand; the tiny coffin that was passed now among
those who feasted; the little reminder: Eat. Drink. For Death awaits all of us.
He held
it tight; should he pass it now to the King?
He felt
the King's lips against his face suddenly. "Dance, Khayman. Drink.
Tomorrow we march north to slay the last of the flesh eaters." The King
didn't even look at the tiny coffin as he took it; he slipped it into the
Queen's hands and she, without looking down, gave it to another.
The
last of the flesh eaters. How simple it had all seemed; how good. Until he had seen
the twins kneeling before that altar.
The
great rattle of drums drowned out Lestat's voice. Mortals passed Khayman,
hardly noticing him huddled there; a blood drinker ran quickly by without the
slightest heed of him.
The
voice of Lestat rose again, singing of the Children of Darkness, hidden beneath
the cemetery called Les Innocents in superstition and fear.
Into the light We come My Brothers and Sisters! KILL US! My Brothers and Sisters!
Sluggishly,
Khayman rose. He was staggering, but he moved on, downward until he had come
out in the lobby where the noise was just a little muted, and he rested there,
across from the inner doors, in a cooling draft of fresh air.
Calm
was returning to him, but only slowly, when he realized that two mortal men had
paused nearby and were staring at him as he stood against the wall with his
hands in his pockets, his head bowed.
He saw
himself suddenly as they saw him. He sensed their apprehension, mingled with a
sudden irrepressible sense of victory. Men who had known about his kind, men
who had lived for a moment such as this, yet dreaded it, and never truly hoped
for it.
Slowly,
he looked up. They stood some twenty feet away from him, near to the cluttered
concession stand, as if it could hide them-proper British gentlemen. They were
old, in fact, learned, with heavily creased faces and prim formal attire.
Utterly out of place here their fine gray overcoats, the bit of starched collar
showing, the gleaming knot of silk tie. They seemed explorers from another world
among the flamboyant youth that moved restlessly to and fro, thriving on the
barbaric noise and broken chatter.
And
with such natural reticence they stared; as if they were too polite to be
afraid. Elders of the Talamasca looking for Jessica.
Know
us? Yes, you do of course. No harm. Don't care.
His
silent words drove the one called David Talbot back a pace. The man's breathing
became hurried, and there was a sudden dampness on his forehead and upper lip.
Yet such elegant composure. David Talbot narrowed his eyes as if he would not
be dazzled by what he saw; as if he would see the tiny dancing molecules in the
brightness.
How
small it seemed suddenly the span of a human life; look at this fragile man,
for whom education and refinement have only increased all risks. So simple to
alter the fabric of his thought, his expectations. Should Khayman tell them
where Jesse was? Should he meddle? It would make no difference ultimately.
He
sensed now that they were afraid to go or to remain, that he had them fixed almost
as if he'd hypnotized them. In a way, it was respect that kept them there,
staring at him. It seemed he had to offer something, if only to end this awful
scrutiny.
Don't
go to her. You 'd be fools if you did. She has others like me now to look after
her. Best leave here. I would if I were you.
Now,
how would all this read in the archives of the Talamasca? Some night he might
find out. To what modern places had they removed their old documents and
treasures?
Benjamin,
the Devil. That's who I am. Don't you know me? He smiled at himself. He let his
head droop, staring at the floor. He had not known he possessed this vanity.
And suddenly he did not care what this moment meant to them.
He
thought listlessly of those olden times in France when he had played with their
kind. "Allow us but to speak to you!" they'd pleaded. Dusty scholars
with pale eternally red-rimmed eyes and worn velvet clothing, so unlike these
two fine gentlemen, for whom the occult was a matter of science, not
philosophy. The hopelessness of that time suddenly frightened him; the
hopelessness of this time was equally frightening.
Go
away.
Without
looking up, he saw that David Talbot had nodded. Politely, he and his companion
withdrew. Glancing back over their shoulders, they hurried down the curve of
the lobby, and into the concert.
Khayman
was alone again, with the rhythm of the music coming from the doorway, alone
and wondering why he had come here, what it was he wanted; wishing that he
could forget again; that he was in some lovely place full of warm breezes and
mortals who didn't know what he was, and twinkling electric lights beneath the
faded clouds, and flat endless city pavements to walk until morning.
Jesse
"Let
me alone, you son of a bitch!" Jesse kicked the man beside her, the one
who had hooked his arm around her waist and lifted her away from the stage.
"You bastard!" Doubled over with the pain in his foot, he was no
match for her sudden shove. He toppled and went down.
Five
times she'd been swept back from the stage. She ducked and pushed through the
little cluster that had taken her place, sliding against their black leather
flanks as if she were a fish and rising up again to grab the apron of unpainted
wood, one hand taking hold of the strong synthetic cloth that decorated it, and
twisting it into a rope.
In the
flashing lights she saw the Vampire Lestat leap high into the air and come down
without a palpable sound on the boards, his voice rising again without benefit
of the mike to fill the auditorium, his guitar players prancing around him like
imps.
The
blood ran in tiny rivulets down his white face, as if from Christ's Crown of
Thorns, his long blond hair flying out as he turned full circle, his hand
ripping at his shirt, tearing it open down his chest, the black tie loose and
falling. His pale crystalline blue eyes were glazed and shot with blood as he
screamed the unimportant lyrics.
Jesse
felt her heart knocking again as she stared up at him, at the rocking of his
hips, the tight cloth of the black pants revealing the powerful muscles of his
thighs. He leapt again, rising effortlessly, as if he would ascend to the very
ceiling of the hall.
Yes,
you see it, and there is no mistake! No other explanation!
She wiped
at her nose. She was crying again. But touch him, damn it, you have to! In a
daze she watched him finish the song, stomping his foot to the last three
resounding notes, as the musicians danced back and forth, taunting, tossing
their hair over their heads, their voices lost in his as they struggled to meet
his pace.
God,
how he loved it! There was not the slightest pretense. He was bathed in the
adoration he was receiving. He was soaking it up as if it were blood.
And now
as he went into the frenzied opening of another song, he ripped off the black
velvet cloak, gave it a great twirl, and sent it flying into the audience. The
crowd wailed, shifted. Jesse felt a knee in her back, a boot scraping her heel,
but this was her chance, as the guards jumped down off the boards to stop the
melee.
With
both hands pressed down hard on the wood, she sprang up and over on her belly
and onto her feet. She ran right towards the dancing figure whose eyes suddenly
looked into hers.
"Yes,
you! You!" she cried out. In the corner of her eye was the approaching
guard. She threw her full weight at the Vampire Lestat. Shutting her eyes, she
locked her arms around his waist. She felt the cold shock of his silky chest
against her face, she tasted the blood suddenly on her lip!
"Oh,
God, real!" she whispered. Her heart was going to burst, but she hung on.
Yes, Mael's skin, like this, and Maharet's skin, like this, and all of them.
Yes, this! Real, not human. Always. And it was all here in her arms and she
knew and it was too late for them to stop her now!
Her
left hand went up, and caught a thick tangle of his hair, and as she opened her
eyes, she saw him smiling down at her, saw the poreless gleaming white skin,
and the tiny fang teeth.
"You
devil!" she whispered. She was laughing like a mad woman, crying and
laughing.
"Love
you, Jessica," he whispered back at her, smiling at her as if he were
teasing her, the wet blond hair tumbling down into his eyes.
Astonished,
she felt his arm around her, and then he lifted her on his hip, swinging her in
a circle. The screaming musicians were a blur; the lights were violent streaks
of white, red. She was moaning; but she kept looking up at him, at his eyes,
yes, real. Desperately she hung on, for it seemed he meant to throw her high into
the air over the heads of the crowd. And then as he set her down and bowed his
head, his hair falling against her cheek, she felt his mouth close on hers.
The
throbbing music went dim as if she'd been plunged into the sea. She felt him
breathe into her, sigh against her, his smooth fingers sliding up her neck. Her
breasts were pressed against the beat of his heart; and a voice was speaking to
her, purely, the way a voice had long ago, a voice that knew her, a voice that
understood her questions and knew how they must be answered.
Evil,
Jesse. As you have always known.
Hands
pulled her back. Human hands. She was being separated from him. She screamed.
Bewildered,
he stared at her. He was reaching deep, deep into his dreams for something he
only faintly remembered. The funeral feast; the red-haired twins kneeling on
either side of the altar. But it was no more than a split second; then gone; he
was baffled; his smile flashed again, impersonal, like one of the lights that
were constantly blinding her. "Beautiful Jesse!" he said, his hand
lifted as if in farewell. They were carrying her backwards away from him, off
the stage.
She was
laughing when they set her down.
Her
white shirt was smeared with blood. Her hands were covered with it-pale streaks
of salty blood. She felt she knew the taste of it. She threw back her head and
laughed; and it was so curious not to be able to hear it, only to feel it, to
feel the shudder running through her, to know she was crying and laughing at
the same time. The guard said something rough to her, something crude,
threatening. But that didn't matter.
The
crowd had her again. It just swallowed her, tumbling against her, driving her
out of the center. A heavy shoe crushed her right foot. She stumbled, and
turned, and let herself be pushed along ever more violently, towards the doors.
Didn't
matter now. She knew. She knew it all. Her head spun. She could not have
stood upright if it were not for the shoulders knocking against her. And never
had she felt such wondrous abandon. Never had she felt such release.
The
crazy cacophonous music went on; faces flickered and disappeared in a wash of
colored light. She smelled the marijuana, the beer. Thirst. Yes, something cold
to drink. Something cold. So thirsty. She lifted her hand again and licked at
the salt and the blood. Her body trembled, vibrated, the way it so often did on
the verge of sleep. A soft delicious tremor that meant that dreams were coming.
She licked at the blood again and closed her eyes.
Quite
suddenly she felt herself pass into an open place. No one shoving her. She
looked up and saw that she had come to the doorway, to the slick ramp that led
some ten feet into the lobby below. The crowd was behind her, above her. And
she could rest here. She was all right.
She ran
her hand along the greasy wall, stepping over the crush of paper cups, a fallen
wig with cheap yellow curls. She lay her head back suddenly and merely rested,
the ugly light from the lobby shining in her eyes. The taste of the blood was
on the tip of her tongue. It seemed she was going to cry again, and it was a
perfectly fine thing to do. For the moment, there was no past or present, no
necessity, and all the world was changed, from the simplest things to the
grandest. She was floating, as if in the center of the most seductive state of
peace and acceptance that she had ever known. Oh, if only she could tell David
these things; if only somehow she could share this great and overwhelming
secret.
Something
touched her. Something hostile to her. Reluctantly she turned and saw a hulking
figure at her side. What? She struggled to see it clearly.
Bony
limbs, black hair slicked back, red paint on the twisted ugly mouth, but the
skin, the same skin. And the fang teeth. Not human. One of them!
Talamasca?
It came
at her like a hiss. It struck her in the chest. Instinctively her arms rose,
crossing over her breasts, fingers locking on her shoulders.
Talamasca?
It was
soundless yet deafening in its rage.
She
moved to back away, but his hand caught her, fingers biting into her neck. She
tried to scream as she was lifted off her feet.
Then
she was flying across the lobby and she was screaming until her head slammed
into the wall.
Blackness.
She saw the pain. It flashed yellow and then white as it traveled down her
backbone and then spread out as if into a million branches in her limbs. Her
body went numb. She hit the floor with another shocking pain in her face and in
the open palms of her hands and then she rolled over on her back.
She
couldn't see. Maybe her eyes were closed, but the funny thing was, if they
were, she couldn't open them. She heard voices, people shouting. A whistle
blew, or was it the clang of a bell? There was a thunderous noise, but that was
the crowd inside applauding. People near her argued.
Someone
close to her ear said: "Don't touch her. Her neck's broken!"
Broken?
Can you live when your neck is broken?
Someone
laid a hand on her forehead. But she couldn't really feel it so much as a
tingling sensation, as if she were very cold, walking in snow, and all real
feeling had left her. Can't see.
"Listen,
honey." A young man's voice. One of those voices you could hear in Boston
or New Orleans or New York City. Fire-fighter, cop, saver of the injured.
"We're taking care of you, honey. The ambulance is on its way. Now lie
still, honey, don't you worry."
Someone
touching her breast. No, taking the cards out of her pocket. Jessica Miriam
Reeves. Yes.
She
stood beside Maharet and they were looking up at the giant map with all the
tiny lights. And she understood. Jesse born of Miriam, who was born of Alice,
who was born of Carlotta, who was born of Jane Marie, who was born of Anne, who
was born of Janet Belle, who was born of Elizabeth, who was born of Louise, who
was born of Frances, who was born of Frieda, who was born of-
"If
you will allow me, please, we are her friends-"
David.
They
were lifting her; she heard herself scream, but she had not meant to scream.
She saw the screen again and the great tree of names. "Frieda born of
Dagmar, born of..."
"Steady
now, steady! Goddamn it!"
The air
changed; it went cool and moist; she felt the breeze moving over her face; then
all feeling left her hands and feet completely. She could feel her eyelids but
not move them.
Maharet
was talking to her. "... came out of Palestine, down into Mesopotamia and
then up slowly through Asia Minor and into Russia and then into Eastern Europe.
Do you see?"
This
was either a hearse or an ambulance and it seemed too quiet to be the latter,
and the siren, though steady, was too far away. What had happened to David? He
wouldn't have let her go, unless she was dead. But then how could David have
been there? David had told her nothing could induce him to come. David wasn't
here. She must have imagined it. And the odd thing was, Miriam wasn't here
either. "Holy Mary, Mother of God... now and at the hour of our death
She
listened: they were speeding through the city; she felt them turn the corner; but
where was her body? She couldn't feel it. Broken neck. That meant surely that
one had to be dead.
What
was that, the light she could see through the jungle? A river? It seemed too
wide to be a river. How to cross it. But it wasn't Jesse who was walking
through the jungle, and now along the bank of the river. It was somebody else.
Yet she could see the hands out in front of her, moving aside the vines and the
wet sloppy leaves, as if they were her hands. She could see red hair when she
looked down, red hair in long curling tangles, full of bits of leaf and
earth...
"Can
you hear me, honey? We've got you. We're taking care of you. Your friends are
in the car behind us. Now don't you worry."
He was
saying more. But she had lost the thread. She couldn't hear him, only the tone
of it, the tone of loving care. Why did he fee! so sorry for her? He didn't
even know her. Did he understand that it wasn't her blood all over her shirt?
Her hands? Guilty. Lestat had tried to tell her it was evil, but that
had been so unimportant to her, so impossible to relate to the whole. It wasn't
that she didn't care about what was good and what was right; it was that this
was bigger for the moment. Knowing. And he'd been talking as if she
meant to do something and she hadn't meant to do anything at all.
That's
why dying was probably just fine. If only Maharet would understand. And to
think, David was with her, in the car behind them. David knew some of the
story, anyway, and they would have a file on her: Reeves, Jessica. And it would
be more evidence. "One of our devoted members, definitely the result of...
most dangerous... must not under any circumstances attempt a sighting..."
They
were moving her again. Cool air again, and smells rising of gasoline and ether.
She knew that just on the other side of this numbness, this darkness, there was
terrible pain and it was best to lie very still and not try to go there. Let
them carry you along; let them move the gurney down the hallway.
Someone
crying. A little girl.
"Can
you hear me, Jessica? I want you to know that you're in the hospital and that
we are doing everything we can for you. Your friends are outside. David Talbot
and Aaron Lightner. We've told them that you must lie very still..."
Of
course. When your neck is broken you are either dead or you die if you move.
That was it. Years ago in a hospital she had seen a young girl with a broken
neck. She remembered now. And the girl's body had been tied to a huge aluminum
frame. Every now and then a nurse would move the frame to change the girl's
position. Will you do that to me?
He was
talking again but this time he was farther away. She walked a little faster
through the jungle, to get closer, to hear over the sound of the river. He was
saying...
"...
Of course we can do all that, we can run those tests, of course, but you must
understand what I'm saying, this situation is terminal. The back of the skull
is completely crushed. You can see the brain. And the obvious injury to the
brain is enormous. Now, in a few hours the brain will begin to swell, if we
even have a few hours..."
Bastard,
you killed me. You threw me against the wall. If I could move anything-my
eyelids, my lips. But I'm trapped inside here. I have no body anymore yet I'm
trapped in here! When I was little, used to think it would be like this, death.
You'd be trapped in your head in the grave, with no eyes to see and no mouth to
scream. And years and years would pass.
Or you
roamed the twilight realm with the pale ghosts; thinking you were alive when
you were really dead. Dear God, I have to know when I'm dead. I have to know
when it's begun!
Her
lips. There was the faintest sensation. Something moist, warm. Something
parting her lips- But there's no one here, is there? They were out in the
hallway, and the room was empty. She would have known if someone was here. Yet
now she could taste it, the warm fluid flowing into her mouth.
What
is it? What are you giving me? I don't want to go under.
Sleep,
my beloved.
I don't
want to. I want to feel it when I die. I want to know! But the fluid was filling her
mouth, and she was swallowing. The muscles of her throat were alive. Delicious
the taste of it, the saltiness of it. She knew this taste! She knew this
lovely, tingling sensation. She sucked harder. She could feel the skin of her
face come alive, and the air stirring around her. She could feel the breeze
moving through the room. A lovely warmth was moving down her spine. It was
moving through her legs and her arms, taking exactly the path the pain had
taken, and all her limbs were coming back.
Sleep,
beloved.
The
back of her head tingled; and the tingling moved through the roots of her hair.
Her
knees were bruised but her legs weren't hurt and she'd be able to walk again,
and she could feel the sheet under her hand. She wanted to reach up, but it was
too soon for that, too soon to move.
Besides
she was being lifted, carried.
And it
was best to sleep now. Because if this was death... well, it was just fine. The
voices she could barely hear, the men arguing, threatening, they didn't matter
now. It seemed David was calling out to her. But what did David want her to do?
To die? The doctor was threatening to call the police. The police couldn't do
anything now. That was almost funny.
Down
and down the stairs they went. Lovely cold air.
The
sound of the traffic grew louder; a bus roaring past. She had never liked these
sounds before but now they were like the wind itself, that pure. She was being
rocked again, gently, as if in a cradle. She felt the car move forward with a
sudden lurch, and then the smooth easy momentum. Miriam was there and Miriam
wanted Jesse to look at her, but Jesse was too tired now.
"I
don't want to go, Mother."
"But
Jesse. Please. It's not too late. You can still come!" Like David calling.
"Jessica."
Daniel
About
halfway through, Daniel understood. The white-faced brothers and sisters would
circle each other, eye each other, even threaten each other all during the
concert, but nobody would do anything. The rule was too hard and fast: leave no
evidence of what we are-not victims, not a single cell of our vampiric tissue.
Lestat
was to be the only kill and that was to be done most carefully. Mortals were
not to see the scythes unless it was unavoidable. Snatch the bastard when he
tried to take his leave, that was the scheme; dismember him before the
cognoscenti only. That is, unless he resisted, in which case he must die before
his fans, and the body would have to be destroyed completely.
Daniel
laughed and laughed. Imagine Lestat allowing such a thing to happen.
Daniel
laughed in their spiteful faces. Pallid as orchids, these vicious souls who
filled the hall with their simmering outrage, their envy, their greed. You would
have thought they hated Lestat if for no other reason than his flamboyant
beauty.
Daniel
had broken away from Armand finally. Why not?
Nobody
could hurt him, not even the glowing stone figure he'd seen in the shadows, the
one so hard and so old he looked like the Golem of legend. What an eerie thing
that was, that stone one staring down at the wounded mortal woman who lay with
her neck broken, the one with the red hair who looked like the twins in the
dream. And probably some stupid human being had done that to her, broken her
neck like that. And the blond vampire in the buckskin, pushing past them to
reach the scene, he had been an awe-inspiring sight as well, with the hardened
veins bulging on his neck and on the backs of his hands when he reached the
poor broken victim. Armand had watched the men take the red-haired woman away
with the most unusual expression on his face, as if he should somehow
intervene; or maybe it was only that the Golem thing, standing idly by, made
him wary. Finally, he'd shoved Daniel back into the singing crowd. But there
was no need to fear. It was sanctuary for them in this place, this
cathedral of sound and light.
And
Lestat was Christ on the cathedral cross. How describe his overwhelming and
irrational authority? His face would have been cruel if it hadn't been for the
childlike rapture and exuberance. Pumping his fist into the air, he bawled,
pleaded, roared at the powers that be as he sang of his downfall-Lelio, the
boulevard actor turned into a creature of night against his will!
His
soaring tenor seemed to leave his body utterly as he recounted his defeats, his
resurrections, the thirst inside him which no measure of blood could ever
quench. "Am I not the devil in you all!" he cried, not to the
moonflower monsters in the crowd but to the mortals who adored him.
And
even Daniel was screaming, bellowing, leaping off his feet as he cried in
agreement, though the words meant nothing finally; it was merely the raw force
of Lestat's defiance. Lestat cursed heaven on behalf of all who had ever been
outcasts, all who had ever known violation, and then turned, in guilt and
malice, on their own kind.
It
seemed to Daniel at the highest moments as though it were an omen that he
should find immortality on the eve of this great Mass. The Vampire Lestal was
God; or the nearest thing he had ever known to it. The giant on the video
screen gave his benediction to all that Daniel had ever desired.
How
could the others resist? Surely the fierceness of their intended victim made
him all the more inviting. The final message behind all Lestat's lyrics was
simple: Lestat had the gift that had been promised to each of them; Lestat was
unkillable. He devoured the suffering forced upon him and emerged all the
stronger. To join with him was to live forever:
This is
my Body. This is my Blood.
Yet the
hate boiled among the vampire brothers and sisters. As the concert came to a
close, Daniel felt it keenly-an odor rising from the crowd-an expanding hiss
beneath the strum of the music.
Kill
the god. Tear him limb from limb. Let the mortal worshipers do as they have
always done-mourn for him who was meant to die. "Go, the Mass is
ended."
The
houselights went on. The fans stormed the wooden stage, tearing down the black
serge curtain to follow the fleeing musicians.
Armand
grabbed Daniel's arm. "Out the side door," he said. "Our only
chance is to get to him quickly."
Khayman
It was
just as he had expected. She struck out at the first of those who struck at
him. Lestat had come through the back door, Louis at his side, and made a dash
for his black Porsche when the assassins set upon him. It seemed a rude circle
sought to close, but at once the first, with scythe raised, went up in flames.
The crowd panicked, terrified children stampeding in all directions. Another
immortal assailant was suddenly on fire. And then another.
Khayman
slipped back against the wall as the clumsy humans hurtled past him. He saw a
tall elegant female blood drinker slice unnoticed through the mob, and slide behind
the wheel of Lestat's car, calling to Louis and Lestat to join her. It was
Gabrielle, the fiend's mother. And logically enough the lethal fire did not
harm her. There wasn't a particle of fear in her cold blue eyes as she readied
the vehicle with swift, decisive gestures.
Lestat
meantime turned around and around in a rage. Maddened, robbed of the battle, he
finally climbed into the car only because the others forced him to do so.
And as
the Porsche plowed viciously through the rushing youngsters, blood drinkers
burst into flame everywhere. In a horrid silent chorus, their cries rose, their
frantic curses, their final questions.
Khayman
covered his face. The Porsche was halfway to the gates before the crowd forced
it to stop. Sirens screamed; voices roared commands; children had fallen with
broken limbs. Mortals cried in misery and confusion.
Get to
Armand, Khayman thought. But what was the use? He saw them burning everywhere
he looked in great writhing plumes of orange and blue flame that changed suddenly
to white in their heat as they released the charred clothes which fell to the
pavements. How could he come between the fire and Armand? How could he save the
young one, Daniel?
He
looked up at the distant hills, at a tiny figure glowing against the dark sky,
unnoticed by all who screamed and fled and cried for help around him.
Suddenly
he felt the heat; he felt it touch him as it had in Athens. He felt it dance
about his face, he felt his eyes watering. Steadily he regarded the distant
tiny source. And then for reasons that he might never himself understand, he
chose not to drive back the fire, but rather to see what it might do to him.
Every fiber of his being said, Give it back. Yet he remained motionless, washed
of thought, and feeling the sweat drip from him. The fire circled him, embraced
him. And then it moved away, leaving him alone, cold, and wounded beyond his
wildest imagining. Quietly he whispered a prayer: May the twins destroy you.
Daniel
"Fire!"
Daniel caught the rank greasy stench just as he saw the flames themselves
breaking out here and there all through the multitude. What protection was the
crowd now? Like tiny explosions the fires were, as groups of frantic teenagers
stumbled to get away from them, and ran in senseless circles, colliding
helplessly with one another.
The
sound. Daniel heard it again. It was moving above them. Armand pulled him back
against the building. It was useless. They could not get to Lestat. And they
had no cover. Dragging Daniel after him, Armand retreated into the hall again.
A pair of terrified vampires ran past the entrance, then exploded into tiny
conflagrations.
In
horror, Daniel watched the skeletons glowing as they melted within the pale
yellow blaze. Behind them in the deserted auditorium a fleeing figure was
suddenly caught in the same ghastly flames. Twisting, turning, he collapsed on
the cement floor, smoke rising from his empty clothing- A pool of grease formed
on the cement, then dried up even as Daniel stared at it.
Out
into the fleeing mortals, they ran again, this time towards the distant front
gates over yards and yards of asphalt.
And
suddenly they were traveling so fast that Daniel's feet had left the ground.
The world was nothing but a smear of color. Even the piteous cries of the frightened
fans were stretched, softened. Abruptly they stopped at the gates, just as
Lestat's black Porsche raced out of the parking lot,-past them, and onto the
avenue. Within seconds it was gone, like a bullet traveling south towards the
freeway.
Armand
made no attempt to follow it; he seemed not even to see it. He stood near the
gatepost looking back over the heads of the crowd, beyond the curved roof of
the hall to the distant horizon. The eerie telepathic noise was deafening now.
It swallowed every other sound in the world; it swallowed every sensation.
Daniel
couldn't keep his hands from going to his ears, couldn't keep his knees from
buckling. He felt Armand draw close. But he could no longer see. He knew that
if it was meant to happen it would be now, yet still he couldn't feel the fear;
still he couldn't believe in his own death; he was paralyzed with wonder and
confusion.
Gradually
the sound faded. Numb, he felt his vision clear; he saw the great red shape of
a lumbering ladder truck approach, the firemen shouting for him to move out of
the gateway. The siren came as if from another world, an invisible needle
through his temples.
Armand
was gently pulling him out of the path. Frightened people thundered past as if driven
by a wind. He felt himself fall. But Armand caught him. Into the warm crush of
mortals, outside the fence they passed, slipping among those who peered through
the chain mesh at the melee.
Hundreds
still fled. Sirens, sour and discordant, drowned out their cries. One fire
engine after another roared up to the gates, to nudge its way through
dispersing mortals. But these sounds were thin and distant, dulled still by the
receding supernatural noise. Armand clung to the fence, his eyes closed, his
forehead pressed against the metal. The fence shuddered, as if it alone could
hear the thing as they heard it.
It was
gone.
An icy
quiet descended. The quiet of shock, emptiness. Though the pandemonium
continued, it did not touch them.
They
were alone, the mortals loosening, milling, moving away.
And the
air carried those lingering preternatural cries like burning tinsel again; more
dying, but where?
Across
the avenue he moved at Armand's side. Unhurried. And down a dark side street
they made their way, past faded stucco houses and shabby corner stores, past
sagging neon signs and over cracked pavements.
On and
on, they walked. The night grew cold and still around them. The sound of the
sirens was remote, almost mournful.
As they
came to a broad garish boulevard, a great lumbering trolleybus appeared,
flooded with a greenish light. Like a ghost it seemed, proceeding towards them,
through the emptiness and the silence. Only a few forlorn mortal passengers
peered from its smeared and dirty windows. The driver drove as if in his sleep.
Armand
raised his eyes, wearily, as if only to watch it pass. And to Daniel's
amazement the bus came to a halt for them.
They
climbed aboard together, ignoring the little coin box, and sank down side by
side on the long leather bench seat. The driver never turned his head from the
dark windshield before him. Armand sat back against the window. Dully, he
stared at the black rubber floor. His hair was tousled, his cheek smudged with
soot. His lower lip protruded ever so slightly. Lost in thought, he seemed
utterly unconscious of himself.
Daniel
looked at the lackluster mortals: the prune-faced woman with a slit for a mouth
who looked at him angrily; the drunken man, with no neck, who snored on his
chest; and the small-headed teenage woman with the stringy hair and the sores
at the corners of her mouth who held a giant toddler on her lap with skin like
bubblegum. Why, something was horribly wrong with each of them. And there, the
dead man on the back seat, with his eyes half mast and the dried spit on his
chin. Did nobody know he was dead? The urine stank as it dried beneath him.
Daniel's
own hands look dead, lurid. Like a corpse with one live arm, the driver seemed,
as he turned the wheel. Was this a hallucination? The bus to hell?
No.
Only a trolleybus like a million he had taken in his lifetime, on which the
weary and the down-and-out rode the city's streets through the late hours. He
smiled suddenly, foolishly. He was going to start laughing, thinking of the
dead man back there, and these people just riding along, and the way the light
made everyone look, but then a sense of dread returned.
The
silence unnerved him. The slow rocking of the bus unnerved him; the parade of dingy
houses beyond the windows unnerved him; the sight of Armand's listless face and
empty stare was unbearable.
"Will
she come back for us?" he asked. He could not endure it any longer.
"She
knew we were there," Armand said, eyes dull, voice low. "She passed
us over."
Khayman
He had
retreated to the high grassy slope, with the cold Pacific beyond it.
It was
like a panorama now; death at a distance, lost in the lights, the vapor-thin
wails of preternatural souls interwoven with the darker, richer voices of the
human city.
The
fiends had pursued Lestat, forcing the Porsche over the edge of the freeway.
Unhurt, Lestat had emerged from the wreck, spoiling for battle; but the fire
had struck again to scatter or destroy those who surrounded him.
Finally
left alone with Louis and Gabrielle, he had agreed to retreat, uncertain of who
or what had protected him.
And
unbeknownst to the trio, the Queen pursued their enemies for them.
Over
the roofs, her power moved, destroying those who had fled, those who had tried
to hide, those who had lingered near fallen companions in confusion and
anguish.
The
night stank of their burning, these wailing phantoms that left nothing on the
empty pavement but their ruined clothes. Below, under the arc lamps of the
abandoned parking lots, the lawmen searched in vain for bodies; the
firefighters looked in vain for those to assist. The mortal youngsters cried
piteously.
Small
wounds were treated; the crazed were narcotized and taken away gently. So
efficient the agencies of this plentiful time. Giant hoses cleaned the lots.
They washed away the scorched rags of the burnt ones.
Tiny
beings down there argued and swore that they had witnessed these immolations.
But no evidence remained. She had destroyed completely her victims.
And now
she moved on far away from the hall, to search the deepest recesses of the
city. Her power turned corners and entered windows and doorways. There would be
a tiny burst of flame out there like the striking of a sulphur match; then
nothing.
The
night grew quieter. Taverns and shops shut their doors, winking out in the
thickening darkness. Traffic thinned on the highways.
The
ancient one she caught in the North Beach streets, the one who had wanted but
to see her face; she had burned him slowly as he crawled along the sidewalk.
His bones turned to ash, the brain a mass of glowing embers in its last
moments. Another she struck down upon a high flat roof, so that he fell like a
shooting star out over the glimmering city. His empty clothes took flight like
dark paper when it was finished.
And
south Lestat went, to his refuge in Carmel Valley. Jubilant, drunk on the love
he felt for Louis and Gabrielle, he spoke of old times and new dreams, utterly
oblivious to the final slaughter.
"Maharet,
where are you?" Khayman whispered. The night gave no answer. If Mael was
near, if Mael heard the call, he gave no sign of it. Poor, desperate Mael, who
had run out into the open after the attack upon Jessica. Mael, who might have
been slain now, too. Mael staring helplessly as the ambulance carried Jesse
away from him.
Khayman
could not find him.
He
combed the light-studded hills, the deep valleys in which the beat of souls was
like a thunderous whisper. "Why have I witnessed these things?" he
asked. "Why have the dreams brought me here?"
He
stood listening to the mortal world.
The
radios chattered of devil worship, riots, random fires, mass hallucinations.
They whined of vandalism and crazed youth. But it was a big city for all its
geographic smallness. The rational mind had already encapsulated the experience
and disregarded it. Thousands took no notice. Others slowly and painstakingly
revised in memory the impossible things they had seen. The Vampire Lestat was a
human rock star and nothing more, his concert the scene of predictable though
uncontrollable hysteria.
Perhaps
it was part of the Queen's design to so smoothly abort Lestat's dreams. To burn
his enemies off the earth before the frail blanket of human assumptions could
be irreparably damaged.
If this
was so, would she punish the creature himself finally?
No
answer came to Khayman.
His
eyes moved over the sleepy terrain. An ocean fog had swept in, settling in deep
rosy layers beneath the-tops of the hills. The whole had a fairy-tale sweetness
to it now in the first hour past midnight.
Collecting
his strongest power, he sought to leave the confines of his body, to send his
vision out of himself like the wandering ka of the Egyptian dead, to see those
whom the Mother might have spared, to draw close to them.
"Armand,"
he said aloud. And then the lights of the city went dim. He felt the warmth and
illumination of another place, and Armand was there before him.
He and
his fledgling, Daniel, had come safely again to the mansion where they would sleep
beneath the cellar floor unmolested. Groggily the young one danced through the
large and sumptuous rooms, his mind full of Lestat's songs and rhythms. Armand
stared out into the night, his youthful face as impassive as before. He saw
Khayman! He saw him standing motionless on the faraway hill, yet felt him near
enough to touch. Silently, invisibly, they studied one another.
It
seemed Khayman's loneliness was more than he could bear; but the eyes of Armand
held no emotion, no trust, no welcome.
Khayman
moved on, drawing on ever greater strength, rising higher and higher in his
search, so far from his body now that he could not for the moment even locate
it. To the north he went, calling the names Santino, Pandora.
In a
blasted field of snow and ice he saw them, two black figures in the endless
whiteness-Pandora's garments shredded by the wind, her eyes full of blood tears
as she searched for the dim outline of Marius's compound. She was glad of
Santino at her side, this unlikely explorer in his fine clothes of black
velvet. The long sleepless night through which Pandora had circled the world
had left her aching in every limb and near to collapsing. All creatures must
sleep; must dream. If she did not lie down soon in some dark place, her mind
would be unable to fight the voices, the images, the madness. She did not want
to take to the air again, and this Santino could not do such things, and so she
walked beside him.
Santino
cleaved to her, feeling only her strength, his heart shrunken and bruised from
the distant yet inescapable cries of those whom the Queen had slaughtered.
Feeling the soft brush of Khayman's gaze, he pulled his black cloak tight
around his face. Pandora took no notice whatsoever.
Khayman
veered away. Softly, it hurt him to see them touch; it hurt him to see the two
of them together.
In the
mansion on the hill, Daniel slit the throat of a wriggling rat and let its
blood flow into a crystal glass. "Lestat's trick," he said studying
it in the light. Armand sat still by the fire, watching the red jewel of blood
in the glass as Daniel lifted it to his lips lovingly.
Back
into the night Khayman moved, wandering higher again, far from the city lights
as if in a great orbit.
Mael,
answer me. Let me know where you are. Had the Mother's cold fiery beam struck
him, too? Or did he mourn now so deeply for Jesse that he hearkened to nothing
and no one? Poor Jesse, dazzled by miracles, struck down by a fledgling in the
blink of an eye before anyone could prevent it.
Maharet's
child, my child!
Khayman
was afraid of what he might see, afraid of what he dared not seek to alter. But
maybe the Druid was simply too strong for him now; the Druid concealed himself
and his charge from all eyes and all minds. Either that or the Queen had had
her way and it was finished.
Jesse
So
quiet here. She lay on a bed that was hard and soft, and her body felt floppy
like that of a rag doll. She could lift her hand but then it would drop, and
still she could not see, except in a vague ghostly way things that might have been
an illusion.
For
example lamps around her; ancient clay lamps shaped like fish and filled with
oil. They gave a thick odoriferous perfume to the room. Was this a funeral
parlor?
It came
again, the fear that she was dead, locked in the flesh yet disconnected. She
heard a curious sound; what was it? A scissors cutting. It was trimming the
edges of her hair; the feel of it traveled to her scalp. She felt it even in
her intestines.
A tiny
vagrant hair was plucked suddenly from her face; one of those annoying hairs,
quite out of place, which women so hate. She was being groomed for the coffin,
wasn't she? Who else would take such care, lifting her hand now, and inspecting
her fingernails so carefully.
But the
pain came again, an electric flash moving down her back and she screamed. She
screamed aloud in this room where she'd been only hours before in this very bed
with the chains creaking.
She
heard a gasp from someone near her. She tried to see, but she only saw the
lamps again. And some dim figure standing in the window. Miriam watching.
"Where?"
he asked. He was startled, trying to see the vision. Hadn't this happened
before?
"Why
can't I open my eyes?" she asked. He could look forever and he would never
see Miriam.
"Your
eyes are open," he said. How raw and tender his voice sounded. "I
can't give you any more unless I give it all. We are not healers. We are
slayers. It's time for you to tell me what you want. There is no one to help
me."
I
don't know what I want. All I know is I don't want to die! I don't want to stop
living. What
cowards we are, she thought, what liars. A great fatalistic sadness had
accompanied her all the way to this night, yet there had been the secret hope
of this always! Not merely to see, to know, but to be part of...
She
wanted to explain, to hone it carefully with audible words, but the pain came
again. A fiery brand touched to her spine, the pain shooting into her legs. And
then the blessed numbness. It seemed the room she couldn't see grew dark and
the flames of the ancient lamps sputtered. Outside the forest whispered. The
forest writhed in the dark. And Mael's grip on her wrist was weak suddenly, not
because he had let her go but because she couldn't any longer feel it.
"Jesse!"
He
shook her with both his hands, and the pain was like lightning shattering the
dark. She screamed through her clenched teeth. Miriam, stony-eyed and silent,
glared from the window.
"Mael,
do it!" she cried.
With
all her strength, she sat up on the bed. The pain was without shape or limit;
the scream strangled inside her. But then she opened her eyes, truly opened
them. In the hazy light, she saw Miriam's cold unmerciful expression. She saw
the tall bent figure of Mael towering over the bed. And then she turned to the
open door. Maharet was coming.
Mael
didn't know, didn't realize, till she did. With soft silky steps, Maharet came
up the stairs, her long skirts moving with a dark rustling sound; she came down
the corridor.
Oh,
after all these years, these long years! Through her tears, Jesse watched
Maharet move into the light of the lamps; she saw her shimmering face, and the
burning radiance of her hair. Maharet gestured for Mael to leave them.
Then
Maharet approached the bed. She lifted her hands, palms open, as if in
invitation; she raised her hands as if to receive a baby.
"Yes,
do it."
"Say
farewell then, my darling, to Miriam."
In
olden times there was a terrible worship in the city of Carthage. To the great bronze
god Baal, the populace offered in sacrifice their little children. The small
bodies were laid on the statue's outstretched arms, and then by means of a
spring, the arms would rise and the children would fall into the roaring
furnace of the god's belly.
After
Carthage was destroyed, only the Romans carried the old tale, and as the
centuries passed wise men came not to believe it. Too terrible, it seemed, the
immolation of these children. But as the archaeologists brought their shovels
and began to dig, they found the bones of the small victims in profusion. Whole
necropolises they unearthed of nothing but little skeletons.
And the
world knew the old legend was true; that the men and women of Carthage had
brought their offspring to the god and stood in obeisance as their children
tumbled screaming into the fire. It was religion.
Now as
Maharet lifted Jesse, as Maharet's lips touched her throat, Jesse thought of
the old legend. Maharet's arms were like the hard metal arms of the god Baal,
and in one fiery instant Jesse knew unspeakable torment.
But it
was not her own death that Jesse saw; it was the deaths of others-the souls of
the immolated undead, rising upwards away from terror and the physical pain of
the flames that consumed their preternatural bodies. She heard their cries; she
heard their warnings; she saw their faces as they left the earth, dazzling as
they carried with them still the stamp of human form without its substance; she
felt them passing from misery into the unknown; she heard their song just
beginning.
And
then the vision paled, and died away, like music half heard and half
remembered. She was near to death; her body gone, all pain gone, all sense of
permanence or anguish.
She
stood in the clearing in the sunshine looking down at the mother on the altar.
"In the flesh," Maharet said. "In the flesh all wisdom begins.
Beware the thing that has no flesh. Beware the gods, beware the idea,
beware the devil."
Then
the blood came; it poured through every fiber of her body; she was legs and
arms again as it electrified her limbs, her skin stinging with the heat; and
the hunger making her body writhe as the blood sought to anchor her soul to
substance forever.
They
lay in each other's arms, she and Maharet, and Maharet's hard skin warmed and
softened so that they became one wet and tangled thing, hair enmeshed, Jesse's
face buried in Maharet's neck as she gnawed at the fount, as one shock of
ecstasy passed through her after another.
Suddenly
Maharet drew away and turned Jesse's face against the pillow. Maharet's hand
covered Jesse's eyes, and Jesse felt the tiny razor-sharp teeth pierce her
skin; she felt it all being taken back, drawn out. Like the whistling wind, the
sensation of being emptied, of being devoured; of being nothing!
"Drink
again, my darling." Slowly she opened her eyes; she saw the white throat
and the white breasts; she reached out and caught the throat in her hands, and
this time it was she who broke the flesh, she tore it. And when the first spill
of blood hit her tongue, she pulled Maharet down under her. Utterly compliant
Maharet was; hers; Maharet's breasts against her breasts; Maharet's lips
against her face, as she sucked the blood, sucked it harder and harder. You
are mine, you are utterly and completely mine. All images, voices, visions,
gone now.
They
slept, or almost slept, folded against one another. It seemed the pleasure left
its shimmer; it seemed that to breathe was to feel it again; to shift against
the silken sheets or against Maharet's silken skin was to begin again.
The
fragrant wind moved through the room. A great collective sigh rose from the
forest. No more Miriam, no more the spirits of the twilight realm, caught
between life and death. She had found her place; her eternal place.
As she
closed her eyes, she saw the thing in the jungle stop and look at her. The
red-haired thing saw her and saw Maharet in her arms; it saw the red hair; two
women with red hair; and the thing veered and moved towards them.
Khayman
Dead
quiet the peace of Carmel Valley. So happy were the little coven in the house,
Lestat, Louis, Gabrielle, so happy to be together. Lestat had rid himself of
his soiled clothes and was resplendent again in shining "vampire
attire," even to the black velvet cloak thrown casually over one shoulder.
And the others, how animated they were, the woman Gabrielle unbraiding her
yellow hair rather absently as she talked in an easy, passionate manner. And
Louis, the human one, silent, yet profoundly excited by the presence of the
other two, entranced, as it were, by their simplest gestures.
At any
other time, how moved Khayman would have been by such happiness. He would have
wanted to touch their hands, look into their eyes, tell them who he was and what
he had seen, he would have wanted just to be with them.
But she
was near. And the night was not finished.
The sky
paled and the faintest warmth of the morning crept across the fields. Things
stirred in the growing light. The trees shifted, their leaves uncurling ever so
slowly.
Khayman
stood beneath the apple tree, watching the color of the shadows change;
listening to the morning. She was here, without question.
She
concealed herself, willfully, and powerfully. But Khayman she could not
deceive. He watched; he waited, listening to the laughter and talk of the small
coven.
At the
doorway of the house, Lestat embraced his mother, as she took leave of him. Out
into the gray morning she came, with a sprightly step, in her dusty neglected
khaki clothes, her thick blond hair brushed back, the picture of a carefree
wanderer. And the black-haired one, the pretty one, Louis, was beside her.
Khayman
watched them cross the grass, the female moving on into the open field before
the woods where she meant to sleep within the earth itself, while the male
entered the cool darkness of a small outbuilding. Something so refined about
that one, even as he slipped beneath the floorboards, something about the way
that he lay down as if in the grave; the way he composed his limbs, falling at
once into utter darkness.
And the
woman; with stunning violence, she made her deep and secret hiding place, the
leaves settling as if she had never been there. The earth held her outstretched
arms, her bent head. Into the dreams of the twins she plunged, into images of
jungle and river she would never remember.
So far
so good. Khayman did not want them to die, to burn up. Exhausted, he stood with
his back to the apple tree, the pungent green fragrance of the apples
enveloping him.
Why was
she here? And where was she hiding? When he opened himself to it, he felt the
low radiant sound of her presence, rather like an engine of the modern world,
giving off some irrepressible whisper of itself and its lethal power.
Finally
Lestat emerged from the house and hurried towards the lair he had made for
himself beneath the acacia trees against the hillside. Through a trapdoor he
descended, down earthen steps, and into a dank chamber.
So it
was peace for them all, peace until tonight when he would be the bringer of bad
tidings.
The sun
rose closer to the horizon; the first deflected rays appeared, which always
dulled Khayman's vision. He focused upon the soft deepening colors of the
orchard as all the rest of the world lost its distinct lines and shapes. He
closed his eyes for a moment, realizing that he must go into the house, that he
must seek some cool and shadowy place where mortals were unlikely to disturb
him.
And
when the sun set, he'd be waiting for them when they woke. He would tell them
what he knew; he would tell them about the others. With a sudden stab of pain
he thought of Mael, and of Jesse, whom he could not find, as if the earth had
devoured them.
He
thought of Maharet and he wanted to weep. But he made his way towards the house
now. The sun was warm on his back; his limbs were heavy. Tomorrow night,
whatever else came to pass, he wouldn't be alone. He would be with Lestat and
his cohorts; and if they turned him away, he would seek out Armand. He would go
north to Marius.
He heard
the sound first-a loud, crackling roar. He turned, shielding his eyes from the
rising sun. A great spray of earth shot up from the floor of the forest. The
acacias swayed as if in a storm, limbs cracking, roots heaved up from the soil,
trunks falling helter-skelter.
In a
dark streak of windblown garments the Queen rose with ferocious speed, the limp
body of Lestat dangling from her arms as she made for the western sky away from
the sunrise.
Khayman
gave a loud cry before he could stop himself. And his cry rang out over the
stillness of the valley. So she had taken her lover.
Oh,
poor lover, oh, poor beautiful blond-haired prince...
But
there was no time to think or to act or to know his own heart; he turned to the
shelter of the house; the sun had struck the clouds and the horizon had become
an inferno.
Daniel
stirred in the dark. The sleep seemed to lift like a blanket that had been
about to crush him. He saw the gleam of Armand's eye. He heard Armand's
whisper: "She's taken him."
Jesse
moaned aloud. Weightless, she drifted in the pearly gloom. She saw the two
rising figures as if in a dance-the Mother and the Son. Like saints ascending
on the painted ceiling of a church. Her lips formed the words "the
Mother."
In
their deep-dug grave beneath the ice, Pandora and Santino slept in each other's
arms. Pandora heard the sound. She heard Khayman's cry. She saw Lestat with his
eyes closed and his head thrown back, rising in Akasha's embrace. She saw
Akasha's black eyes fixed upon his sleeping face. Pandora's heart stopped in
terror.
Marius
closed his eyes. He could keep them open no longer. Above the wolves howled;
the wind tore at the steel roof of the compound. Through the blizzard the
feeble rays of the sun came as if igniting the swirling snow, and he could feel
the dulling heat move down through layer upon layer of ice to numb him.
He saw
the sleeping figure of Lestat in her arms; he saw her rising into the sky.
"Beware of her, Lestat," he whispered with his last conscious breath.
"Danger."
On the
cool carpeted floor, Khayman stretched out and buried his face in his arm. And
a dream came at once, a soft silky dream of a summer night in a lovely place,
where the sky was big over the city lights, and they were all together, these
immortals whose names he knew and held to his heart now.
Hide
me from me. Fill these holes with eyes for mine are not mine. Hide me head
& need for I am no good so dead in life so much time. Be wing, and shade my
me from my desire to be hooked fish. That worm wine looks sweet and makes my me
blind. And, too, my heart hide for I shall at this rate it also eat in time.
STAN
RICE - "Cannibal" Some Lamb (1975)
I can't
say when I awoke, when I first came to my senses.
I
remember knowing that she and I had been together for a long time, that I'd
been feasting on her blood with an animal abandon, that Enkil was destroyed and
she alone held the primeval power; and that she was causing me to see things
and understand things that made me cry like a child.
Two
hundred years ago, when I'd drunk from her in the shrine, the blood had been
silent, eerily and magnificently silent. Now it was an utter transport of
images-ravishing the brain just as the blood itself ravished the body; I was
learning everything that had happened; I was there as the others died one by
one in that horrible way.
And
then there were the voices: the voices that rose and fell, seemingly without
purpose, like a whispering choir in a cave.
It
seemed there was a lucid moment in which I connected everything-the rock
concert, the house in Carmel Valley, her radiant face before me. And the
knowledge that I was here now with her, in this dark snowy place. I'd waked
her. Or rather I had given her the reason to rise as she had said it. The
reason to turn and stare back at the throne on which she'd sat and take those
first faltering steps away from it.
Do
you know what it meant to lift my hand and see it move in the light? Do you
know what it meant to hear the sudden sound of my own voice echoing in that
marble chamber?
Surely
we had danced together in the dark snow-covered wood, or was it only that we
had embraced over and over again?
Terrible
things had happened. Over the whole world, terrible things. The execution of
those who should never have been born. Evil spawn. The massacre at the concert
had been only the finish.
Yet I
was in her arms in this chilling darkness, in the familiar scent of winter, and
her blood was mine again, and it was enslaving me- When she drew away, I felt
agony. I had to clear my thoughts, had to know whether or not Marius was alive,
whether or not Louis and Gabrielle, and Armand, had been spared. I had to find
myself again, somehow.
But the
voices, the rising tide of voices! Mortals near and far. Distance made no
difference. Intensity was the measure. It was a million times my old hearing,
when I could pause on a city street and hear the tenants of some dark building,
each in his own chamber, talking, thinking, praying, for as long and as closely
as I liked.
Sudden
silence when she spoke:
"Gabrielle
and Louis are safe. I've told you this. Do you think I would hurt those you
love? Look into my eyes now and listen only to what I say. I have spared many
more than are required. And this I did for you as well as for myself, that I
may see myself reflected in immortal eyes, and hear the voices of my children
speaking to me. But I chose the ones you love, the ones you would see again. I
could not take that comfort from you. But now you are with me, and you must see
and know what is being revealed to you. You must have courage to match
mine."
I
couldn't endure it, the visions she was giving me-that horrid little Baby Jenks
in those last moments; had it been a desperate dream the moment of her death, a
string of images flickering within her dying brain? I couldn't bear it. And
Laurent, my old companion Laurent, drying up in the flames on the pavement; and
on the other side of the world, Felix, whom I had known also at the Theater of
the Vampires, driven, burning, through the alleyways of Naples, and finally
into the sea. And the others, so many others, the world over; I wept for them;
I wept for all of it. Suffering without meaning. "A life like that,"
I said of Baby Jenks, crying. "That's why I showed you all of it,"
she answered. "That's why it is finished. The Children of Darkness are no
more. And we shall have only angels now."
"But
the others," I asked. "What has happened to Armand?" And the
voices were starting again, the low humming that could mount to a deafening
roar.
"Come
now, my prince," she whispered. Silence again. She reached up and held my
face in her hands. Her black eyes grew larger, the white face suddenly supple
and almost soft. "If you must see it, I'll show you those who still live,
those whose names will become legend along with yours and mine."
Legend?
She turned
her head ever so slightly; it seemed a miracle when she closed her eyes;
because then the visible life went out of her altogether. A dead and perfect
thing, fine black eyelashes curling exquisitely. I looked down at her throat;
at the pale blue of the artery beneath the flesh, suddenly visible as if she
meant for me to see it. The lust I felt was unsupportable. The goddess, mine! I
took her roughly with a strength that would have hurt a mortal woman. The icy
skin seemed absolutely impenetrable and then my teeth broke through it and the
hot fount was roaring into me again.
The
voices came, yet they died back at my command. And there was nothing then but
the low rush of the blood and her heart beating slowly next to my own.
Darkness.
A brick cellar. A coffin made of oak and polished to a fine luster. Locks of
gold. The magic moment; the locks opened as if sprung by an invisible key. The
lid rose, revealing the satin lining. There was a faint scent of Eastern
perfume. I saw Armand lying on the white satin pillow, a seraph with long full
auburn hair; head to one side, eyes blank, as if to wake was unfailingly
startling. I watched him rise from the coffin, with slow, elegant gestures; our
gestures, for we are the only beings who routinely rise from coffins. I saw him
close the lid. Across the damp brick floor, he walked to yet another coffin.
And this one he opened reverently, as if it were a casket containing a rare
prize. Inside, a young man lay sleeping; lifeless, yet dreaming. Dreaming of a
jungle where a red-haired woman walked, a woman I could not clearly see. And
then the most bizarre scene, something I'd glimpsed before, but where? Two
women kneeling beside an altar. That is, I thought it was an altar...
A
tensing in her; a tightening. She shifted against me like a statue of the
Virgin ready to crush me. I swooned; I thought I heard her speak a name. But
the blood came in another gush and my body was throbbing again with the
pleasure; no earth; no gravity.
The
brick cellar once more. A shadow had fallen over the young man's body. Another
had come into the cellar and placed a hand on Armand's shoulder. Armand knew
him. Mael was his name. Come.
But
where is he taking them?
Purple
evening in the redwood forest. Gabrielle was walking in that careless, straight-backed,
unstoppable way of hers, her eyes like two chips of glass, giving back nothing
to what she saw around her, and there was Louis beside her, struggling
gracefully to keep up. Louis looked so touchingly civilized in the wilderness;
so hopelessly out of place. The vampire guise of last night had been discarded;
yet he seemed even more the gentleman in his worn old clothing, merely a little
down on his luck. Out of his league with her, and does she know it? Will she
take care of him? But they're both afraid, afraid for me!
The
tiny sky above was turning to polished porcelain; the trees seemed to bring the
light down their massive trunks almost to the roots. I could hear a creek
rushing in the shadows. Then I saw it. Gabrielle walked right into the water in
her brown boots. But where are they going? And who was the third one
with them, who came into view only as Gabrielle turned back to look at him?- my
God, such a face, and so placid. Ancient, powerful, yet letting the two young
ones walk before him. Through the trees I could see a clearing, a house. On a
high stone veranda stood a red-haired woman; the woman whom I'd seen in the
jungle? Ancient expressionless mask of a face like the face of the male in the
forest who was looking up at her; face like the face of my Queen.
Let
them come together.
I sighed as the blood poured into me. It will make it all the simpler.
But who were they, these ancient ones, these creatures with countenances washed
as clean as her own?
The
vision shifted. This time the voices were a soft wreath around us, whispering,
crying. And for one moment I wanted to listen, to try to detach from the
monstrous chorus one fleeting mortal song. Imagine it, voices from all over,
from the mountains of India, from the streets of Alexandria, from the tiny
hamlets near and far.
But
another vision was coming.
Marius.
Marius was climbing up out of a bloodstained pit of broken ice with Pandora and
Santino to aid him. They had just managed to reach the jagged shelf of a
basement floor. The dried blood was a crust covering half of Marius's face; he
looked angry, bitter, eyes dull, his long yellow hair matted with blood. With a
limp he went up a spiraling iron stairs, Pandora and Santino in his wake. It
was like a pipe through which they ascended. When Pandora tried to help him he
brushed her aside roughly.
Wind.
Bitter cold. Marius's house lay open to the elements as if an earthquake had
broken it apart. Sheets of glass were shattered into dangerous fragments; rare
and beautiful tropical fish were frozen on the sand floor of a great ruined
tank. Snow blanketed the furnishings and lay heaped against the bookshelves,
against the statues, against the racks of records and tapes. The birds were
dead in their cages. The green plants were dripping with icicles. Marius stared
at the dead fish in the murky margin of ice in the bottom of the tank. He
stared at the great dead stalks of seaweed that lay among the shards of
gleaming glass.
Even as
I watched, I saw him healing; the bruises seemed to melt from his face; I saw
the face itself regain its natural shape. His leg was mending. He could stand
almost straight. In rage he stared at the tiny blue and silver fish. He looked
up at the sky, at the white wind that obliterated the stars completely. He brushed
the flakes of dried blood from his face and hair.
Thousands
of pages had been scattered about by the wind- pages of parchment, old
crumbling paper. The swirling snow came down now lightly into the ruined parlor.
There Marius took up the brass poker for a walking stick, and stared out
through the ruptured wall at the starving wolves howling in their pen. No food
for them since he, their master, had been buried. Ah, the sound of the wolves
howling. I heard Santino speak to Marius, try to tell him that they must go,
they were expected, that a woman waited for them in the redwood forest, a woman
as old as the Mother, and the meeting could not begin until they had come. A
chord of alarm went through me, What was this meeting? Marius understood but he
didn't answer. He was listening to the wolves. To the wolves...
The
snow and the wolves. I dreamed of wolves. I felt myself drift away, back into
my own mind, into my own dreams and memories. I saw a pack of fleet wolves
racing over the newly fallen snow.
I saw
myself as a young man fighting them-a pack of wolves that had come in deep
winter to prey upon my father's village two hundred years ago. I saw myself,
the mortal man, so close to death that I could smell it. But I had cut down the
wolves one by one. Ah, such coarse youthful vigor, the pure luxury of
thoughtless irresistible life! Or so it seemed. At the time it had been misery,
hadn't it? The frozen valley, my horse and dogs slain. But now all I could do
was remember, and ah, to see the snow covering the mountains, my mountains, my
father's land.
I
opened my eyes. She had let me go and forced me back a pace. For the first time
I understood where we really were. Not in some abstract night, but in a real
place and a place that had once, for all purposes, been mine. "Yes,"
she whispered. "Look around you." I knew it by the air, by the smell
of winter, and as my vision cleared again, I saw the broken battlements high
above, and the tower.
"This
is my father's house!" I whispered. "This is the castle in which I
was born."
Stillness.
The snow shining white over the old floor. This had been the great hall, where
we now stood. God, to see it in ruins; to know that it had been desolate for so
long. Soft as earth the old stones seemed; and here had been the table, the
great long table fashioned in the time of the Crusades; and there had been the
gaping hearth, and there the front door.
The
snow was not falling now. I looked up and I saw the stars. The tower had its
round shape still, soaring hundreds of feet above the broken roof, though all
the rest was as a fractured shell. My father's house...
Lightly
she stepped away from me, across the shimmering whiteness of the floor, turning
slowly in a circle, her head back, as if she were dancing.
To
move, to touch solid things, to pass from the realm of dreams into the real
world, of all these joys she'd spoken earlier. It took my breath away, watching
her. Her garments were timeless, a black silk cloak, a gown of silken folds
that swirled gently about her narrow form. Since the dawn of history women have
worn such garments, and they wear them now into the ballrooms of the world. I
wanted to hold her again, but she forbade it with a soft sudden gesture. What
had she said? Can you imagine it? When I realized that he could no longer
keep me there? That I was standing before the throne, and he had not stirred.
That not the faintest response came from him?
She
turned; she smiled; the pale light of the sky struck the lovely angles of her
face, the high cheekbones, the gentle slope of her chin. Alive she looked,
utterly alive.
Then
she vanished!
"Akasha!"
"Come
to me," she said.
But
where was she? Then I saw her far, far away from me at the very end of the
hall. A tiny figure at the entrance to the tower. I could scarce make out the
features of her face now, yet I could see behind her the black rectangle of the
open door.
I
started to walk towards her.
"No,"
she said. "Time to use the strength I've given you. Merely come!"
I didn't
move. My mind was clear. My vision was clear. And I knew what she meant. But I
was afraid. I'd always been the sprinter, the leaper, the player of tricks.
Preternatural speed that baffled mortals, that was not new to me. But she asked
for a different accomplishment. I was to leave the spot where I stood and
locate myself suddenly beside her, with a speed which I myself could not track.
It required a surrender, to try such a thing.
"Yes,
surrender," she said gently. "Come."
For a
tense moment I merely looked at her, her white hand gleaming on the edge of the
broken door. Then I made the decision to be standing at her side. It was as if
a hurricane touched me, full of noise and random force. Then I was there! I
felt myself shudder all over. The flesh of my face hurt a little, but what did
that matter! I looked down into her eyes and I smiled.
Beautiful
she was, so beautiful. The goddess with her long black plaited hair.
Impulsively I took her in my arms and kissed her; kissed her cold lips and felt
them yield to me just a little.
Then
the blasphemy of it struck me. It was like the time I'd kissed her in the
shrine. I wanted to say something in apology, but I was staring at her throat
again, hungry for the blood. It tantalized me that I could drink it and yet she
was who she was; she could have destroyed me in a second with no more than the
wish to see me die. That's what she had done to the others. The danger thrilled
me, darkly. I closed my fingers round her arms, felt the flesh give ever so
slightly. I kissed her again, and again. I could taste blood in it.
She
drew back and placed her finger on my lips. Then she took my hand and led me
through the tower door. Starlight fell through the broken roof hundreds of feet
above us, through a gaping hole in the floor of the highest room.
"Do
you see?" she said. "The room at the very top is still there? The
stairs are gone. The room is unreachable. Except for you and me, my
prince."
Slowly
she started to rise. Never taking her eyes off me she traveled upwards, the
sheer silk of her gown billowing only slightly. I watched in astonishment as
she rose higher and higher, her cloak ruffled as if by a faint breeze. She
passed through the opening and then stood on the very edge.
Hundreds
of feet! Not possible for me to do this. - - .
"Come
to me, my prince," she said, her soft voice carrying in the emptiness.
"Do as you have already done. Do it quickly, and as mortals so often say,
don't look down." Whispered laughter.
Suppose
I got a fifth of the way up-a good leap, the height, say, of a four-story
building, which was rather easy for me but also the limit of- Dizziness. Not
possible. Disorientation. How had we come to be here? It was all spinning
again. I saw her but it was dreamlike, and the voices were intruding. I didn't
want to lose this moment. I wanted to remain connected with time in a series of
linked moments, to understand this on my terms.
"Lestat!"
she whispered. "Now." Such a tender thing, her small gesture to me to
be quick.
I did
what I had done before; I looked at her and decided that I should instantly be
at her side.
The
hurricane again, the air bruising me; I threw up my arms and fought the
resistance. I think I saw the hole in the broken boards as I passed through it.
Then I was standing there, shaken, terrified I would fall.
It
sounded as if I were laughing; but I think I was just going mad a little.
Crying actually. "But how?" I said. "I have to know how I did
it."
"You
know the answer," she said. "The intangible thing which animates you
has much more strength now than it did before. It moved you as it has always
moved you. Whether you take a step or take flight, it is simply a matter of
degree."
"I
want to try it again," I said.
She
laughed very softly, but spontaneously, "Look about this room," she
said. "Do you remember it?"
I
nodded. "When I was a young man, I came here all the time," I said. I
moved away from her. I saw piles of ruined furniture- the heavy benches and
stools that had once filled our castle, medieval work so crude and strong it
was damn near indestructible, like the trees that fall in the forest and remain
for centuries, the bridges over streams, their trunks covered with moss. So
these things had not rotted away. Even old caskets remained, and armor. Oh,
yes, the old armor, ghosts of past glory. And in the dust I saw a faint bit of
color. Tapestries, but they were utterly destroyed.
In the
revolution, these things must have been brought here for safekeeping and then
the stairs had fallen away.
I went
to one of the tiny narrow windows and I looked out on the land. Far below,
nestled in the mountainside, were the electric lights of a little city, sparse,
yet there. A car made its way down the narrow road. Ah, the modern world so
close yet far away. The castle was the ghost of itself.
"Why
did you bring me here?" I asked her. "It's so painful to see this, as
painful as everything else."
"Look
there, at the suits of armor," she said. "At what lies at their feet.
You remember the weapons you took with you the day you went out to kill the
wolves?"
"Yes.
I remember them."
"Look
at them again. I will give you new weapons, infinitely more powerful weapons
with which you will kill for me now."
"Kill?"
I
glanced down at the cache of arms. Rusted, ruined it seemed; save for the old
broadsword, the fine one, which had been my father's and given to him by his
father, who had got it from his father, and so forth and so on, back to the
time of St. Louis. The lord's broadsword, which I, the seventh son, had used on
that long ago morning when I'd gone out like a medieval prince to kill the
wolves.
"But
whom will I kill?" I asked.
She
drew closer. How utterly sweet her face was, how brimming with innocence. Her brows
came together; there was that tiny vertical fold of flesh in her forehead, just
for an instant. Then all went smooth again.
"I
would have you obey me without question," she said gently. "And then
understanding would follow. But this is not your way."
"No,
" I
confessed. "I've never been able to obey anyone, not for very long."
"So
fearless," she said, smiling.
She
opened her right hand gracefully; and quite suddenly she was holding the sword.
It seemed I'd felt the thing moving towards her, a tiny change of atmosphere,
no more. I stared at it, at the jeweled scabbard and the great bronze hilt that
was of course a cross. The belt still hung from it, the belt I'd bought for it,
during some long ago summer, of toughened leather and plaited steel.
It was
a monster of a weapon, as much for battering as for slashing or piercing. I
remembered the weight of it, the way it had made my arm ache when I had slashed
again and again at the attacking wolves. Knights in battle had often held such
weapons with two hands.
But
then what did I know of such battles? I'd been no knight. I'd skewered an
animal with this weapon. My only moment of mortal glory, and what had it got
me? The admiration of an accursed bloodsucker who chose to make me his heir.
She placed the sword in my hands.
"It's
not heavy now, my prince," she said. "You are immortal. Truly
immortal. My blood is in you. And you will use your new weapons for me as you
once used this sword."
A
violent shudder went through me as I touched the sword; it was as if the thing
held some latent memory of what it had witnessed; I saw the wolves again; I saw
myself standing in the blackened frozen forest ready to kill.
And I
saw myself a year later in Paris, dead, immortal; a monster, and on account of
those wolves. "Wolfkiller," the vampire had called me. He had picked
me from the common herd because I had slain those cursed wolves! And worn their
fur so proudly through the winter streets of Paris.
How
could I feel such bitterness even now? Did I want to be dead and buried down
below in the village graveyard? I looked out of the window again at the
snow-covered hillside. Wasn't the same thing happening now? Loved for what I'd
been in those early thoughtless mortal years. Again I asked, "But whom or
what will I kill?" No answer.
I
thought of Baby Jenks again, that pitiful little thing, and all the blood
drinkers who were now dead. And I had wanted a war with them, a little war. And
they were all dead. All who had responded to the battle call-dead. I saw the
coven house in Istanbul burning; I saw an old one she had caught and burned so
slowly; one who had fought her and cursed her. I was crying again.
"Yes,
I took your audience from you," she said- "I burnt away the arena in
which you sought to shine. I stole the battle! But don't you see? I offer you
finer things than you have ever reached for. I offer you the world, my
prince."
"How
so?"
"Stop
the tears you shed for Baby Jenks, and for yourself. Think on the mortals you
should weep for. Envision those who have suffered through the long dreary
centuries-the victims of famine and deprivation and ceaseless violence. Victims
of endless injustice and endless battling. How then can you weep for a race of
monsters, who without guidance or purpose played the devil's gambit on every
mortal they chanced to meet!"
"I
know. I understand-"
"Do
you? Or do you merely retreat from such things to play your symbolic games?
Symbol of evil in your rock music. That is nothing, my prince, nothing at
all."
"Why
didn't you kill me along with the rest of them?" I asked, belligerently,
miserably. I grasped the hilt of the sword in my right hand. I fancied I could
see the dried blood of the wolf still on it. I pulled the blade free of the
leather scabbard. Yes, the blood of the wolf. "I'm no better than they
are, am I?" I said. "Why spare any of us?"
Fear
stopped me suddenly. Terrible fear for Gabrielle and Louis and Armand. For
Marius. Even for Pandora and Mael. Fear for myself. There isn't a thing made
that doesn't fight for life, even when there is no real justification. I wanted
to live; I always had.
"I
would have you love me," she whispered tenderly. Such a voice. In a way,
it was like Armand's voice; a voice that could caress you when it spoke to you.
Draw you into itself. "And so I take time with you," she continued.
She put her hands on my arms, and looked up into my eyes. "I want you to
understand. You are my instrument! And so the others shall be if they are wise.
Don't you see? There has been a design to all of it-your coming, my waking. For
now the hopes of the millennia can be realized at last. Look on the little town
below, and on this ruined castle. This could be Bethlehem, my prince, my
savior. And together we shall realize all the world's most enduring
dreams."
"But
how could that possibly be?" I asked. Did she know how afraid I was? That
her words moved me from simple fear into terror? Surely she did.
"Ah,
you are so strong, princeling," she said. "But you were destined for
me, surely. Nothing defeats you. You fear and you don't fear. For a century I
watched you suffer, watched you grow weak and finally go down in the earth to
sleep, and I then saw you rise, the very image of my own resurrection."
She
bowed her head now as if she were listening to sounds from far away. The voices
rising. I heard them too, perhaps because she did. I heard the ringing din. And
then, annoyed, I pushed them away
"So
strong," she said. "They cannot drag you down into them, the voices,
but do not ignore this power; it's as important as any other you possess. They
are praying to you just as they have always prayed to me."
I
understood her meaning. But I didn't want to hear their prayers; what could I
do for them? What had prayers to do with the thing that I was?
"For
centuries they were my only comfort," she continued. "By the hour, by
the week, by the year I listened; it seemed in early times that the voices I
heard had woven a shroud to make of me a dead and buried thing, Then I learned
to listen more carefully. I learned to select one voice from the many as if
picking a thread from the whole. To that voice alone I would listen and through
it I knew the triumph and ruin of a single soul."
I
watched her in silence.
"Then
as the years passed, I acquired a greater power-to leave my body invisibly and
to go to the single mortal whose voice I listened to, to see then through that
mortal's eyes. I would walk in the body of this one, or that one. I would walk
in sunshine and in darkness; I would suffer; I would hunger; I would know pain.
Sometimes I walked in the bodies of immortals as I walked in the body of Baby
Jenks. Often, I walked with Marius. Selfish, vain Marius, Marius who confuses
greed with respect, who is ever dazzled by the decadent creations of a way of
life as selfish as he is. Oh, don't suffer so. I loved him. I love him now; he
cared for me. My keeper." Her voice was bitter but only for that instant.
"But more often I walked with one among the poor and the sorrowful. It was
the rawness of true life I craved."
She
stopped; her eyes clouded; her brows came together and the tears rose in her
eyes, I knew the power of which she spoke, but only slightly. I wanted so to
comfort her but when I reached out to embrace her she motioned for me to be
still.
"I
would forget who I was, where I was," she continued. "I would be that
creature, the one whose voice I had chosen. Sometimes for years. Then the
horror would return, the realization that I was a motionless, purposeless thing
condemned to sit forever in a golden shrine! Can you imagine the horror of
waking suddenly to that realization? That all you have seen and heard and been
is nothing but illusion, the observation of another's life? I would return to
myself. I would become again what you see before you. This idol with a heart
and brain." I nodded. Centuries ago when I had first laid eyes upon her, I
had imagined unspeakable suffering locked within her. I had imagined agonies
without expression. And I had been right.
"I
knew he kept you there," I said. I spoke of Enkil. Enkil who was now gone,
destroyed. A fallen idol. I was remembering the moment in the shrine when I'd
drunk from her and he'd come to claim her and almost finished me then and
there. Had he known what he meant to do? Was all reason gone even then?
She
only smiled in answer. Her eyes were dancing as she looked out into the dark.
The snow had begun again, swirling almost magically, catching the light of the
stars and the moon and diffusing it through all the world, it seemed.
"It
was meant, what happened," she answered finally. "That I should pass
those years growing ever more strong. Growing so strong finally that no one...
no one can be my equal." She stopped. Just for a moment her conviction
seemed to waver. But then she grew confident again. "He was but an
instrument in the end, my poor beloved King, my companion in agony. His mind
was gone, yes. And I did not destroy him, not really. I took into myself what
was left of him. And at times I had been as empty, as silent, as devoid of the
will even to dream as he was. Only for him there was no returning. He had seen
his last visions. He was of no use anymore. He has died a god's death because
it only made me stronger. And it was all meant, my prince. All meant from start
to finish."
"But
how? By whom?"
"Whom?"
She smiled again. "Don't you understand? You need look no further for the
cause of anything. I am the fulfillment and I shall from this moment on be the
cause. There is nothing and no one now who can stop me." Her face hardened
for a second. That wavering again. "Old curses mean nothing. In silence I
have attained such power that no force in nature could harm me. Even my first
brood cannot harm me though they plot against me. It was meant that those years
should pass before you came."
"How
did I change it?"
She
came a step closer. She put her arm around me and it felt soft for the moment,
not like the hard thing it truly was. We were just two beings standing near to
each other, and she looked indescribably lovely to me, so pure and
otherworldly. I felt the awful desire for the blood again. To bend down, to
kiss her throat, to have her as I had had a thousand mortal women, yet she the
goddess, she with the immeasurable power. I felt the desire rising, cresting.
Again,
she put her finger on my lips, as if to say be still.
"Do
you remember when you were a boy here?" she asked. "Think back now on
the time when you begged them to send you to the monastery school. Do you
remember the things the brothers taught you? The prayers, the hymns, the hours
you worked in the library, the hours in the chapel when you prayed alone?"
"I
remember, of course." I felt the tears coming again. I could see it so
vividly, the monastery library, and the monks who had taught me and believed I
could be a priest. I saw the cold little cell with its bed of boards; I saw the
cloister and the garden veiled in rosy shadow; God, I didn't want to think now
of those times. But some things can never be forgotten.
"Do
you remember the morning that you went into the chapel," she continued,
"and you knelt on the bare marble floor, with your arms out in the form of
the cross, and you told God you would do anything if only he would make you
good?"
"Yes,
good..." Now it was my voice that was tinged with bitterness.
"You
said you would suffer martyrdom; torments unspeakable; it did not matter; if
only you were to be someone who was good."
"Yes,
I remember." I saw the old saints; I heard the hymns that had broken my
heart. I remembered the morning my brothers had come to take me home, and I had
begged them on my knees to let me stay there.
"And
later, when your innocence was gone, and you took the high road to Paris, it
was the same thing you wanted; when you danced and sang for the boulevard
crowds, you wanted to be good."
"I
was," I said haltingly. "It was a good thing to make them happy and
for a little while I did."
"Yes,
happy," she whispered.
"I
could never explain to Nicolas, my friend, you know, that it was so important to...
believe in a concept of goodness, even if we make it up ourselves. We don't
really make it up. It's there, isn't it?"
"Oh,
yes, it's there," she said. "It's there because we put it
there."
Such
sadness. I couldn't speak. I watched the falling snow. I clasped her hand and
felt her lips against my cheek.
"You
were born for me, my prince," she said. "You were tried and
perfected. And in those first years, when you went into your mother's
bedchamber and brought her into the world of the undead with you, it was but a
prefigurement of your waking me. I am your true Mother, the Mother who will
never abandon you, and I have died and been reborn, too. All the religions of
the world, my prince, sing of you and of me."
"How
so?" I asked. "How can that be?"
"Ah,
but you know. You know!" She took the sword from me and examined
the old belt slowly, running it across the open palm of her right hand. Then
she dropped it down into the rusted heap-the last remnants on earth of my
mortal life. And it was as if a wind touched these things, blowing them slowly
across the snow-covered floor, until they were gone.
"Discard
your old illusions," she said. "Your inhibitions. They are no more of
use than these old weapons. Together, we will make the myths of the world
real."
A chill
cut through me, a dark chill of disbelief and then confusion; but her beauty
overcame it.
"You
wanted to be a saint when you knelt in that chapel," she said. "Now
you shall be a god with me."
There
were words of protest on the tip of my tongue; I was frightened; some dark
sense overcame me. Her words, what could they possibly mean?
But
suddenly I felt her arm around me, and we were rising out of the tower up
through the shattered roof. The wind was so fierce it cut my eyelids. I turned
towards her. My right arm went round her waist and I buried my head against her
shoulder.
I heard
her soft voice in my ear telling me to sleep. It would be hours before the sun
set on the land to which we were going, to the place of the first lesson.
Lesson.
Suddenly I was weeping again, clinging to her, weeping because I was lost, and
she was all there was to cling to. And I was in terror now of what she would
ask of me.
They
met again at the edge of the redwood forest, their clothes tattered, their eyes
tearing from the wind. Pandora stood to the right of Marius, Santino to the
left. And from the house across the clearing, Mael came towards them, a lanky
figure almost loping over the mown grass.
Silently,
he embraced Marius.
"Old
friend," Marius said. But his voice had no vitality. Exhausted, he looked
past Mael towards the lighted windows of the house. He sensed a great hidden
dwelling within the mountain behind the visible structure with its peaked and
gabled roof.
And
what lay there waiting for him? For all of them? If only he had the slightest
spirit for it; if only he could recapture the smallest part of his own soul.
"I'm
weary," he said to Mael. "I'm sick from the journey. Let me rest here
a moment longer. Then I'll come."
Marius
did not despise the power to fly, as he knew Pandora did, nevertheless it
invariably chastened him. He had been defenseless against it on this night of
all nights; and he had now to feel the earth under him, to smell the forest,
and to scan the distant house in a moment of uninterrupted quiet. His hair was
tangled from the wind and still matted with dried blood. The simple gray wool
jacket and pants he had taken from the ruins of his house barely gave him
warmth. He brought the heavy black cloak close around him, not because the
night here required it, but because he was still chilled and sore from the
wind.
Mael
appeared not to like his hesitation, but to accept it. Suspiciously he gazed at
Pandora, whom he had never trusted, and then with open hostility he stared at
Santino, who was busy brushing off his black garments and combing his fine,
neatly trimmed black hair. For one second, their eyes met, Santino bristling
with viciousness, then Mael turned away.
Marius
stood still listening, thinking. He could feel the last bit of healing in his
body; it rather amazed him that he was once again whole. Even as mortals learn
year by year that they are older and weaker, so immortals must learn that they
are stronger than ever they imagined they would be. It maddened him at the
moment.
Scarcely
an hour had passed since he was helped from the icy pit by Santino and Pandora,
and now it was as if he had never been there, crushed and helpless, for ten
days and nights, visited again and again by the nightmares of the twins. Yet
nothing could ever be as it had been.
The
twins. The red-haired woman was inside the house waiting. Santino had told him
this. Mael knew it too. But who was she? And why did he not want to know the
answers? Why was this the blackest hour he had ever known? His body was fully
healed, no doubt about it; but what was going to heal his soul?
Armand
in this strange wooden house at the base of the mountain? Armand again after
all this time? Santino had told him about Armand also, and that the others-Louis
and Gabrielle- had also been spared.
Mael
was studying him. "He's waiting for you," he said. "Your
Amadeo." It was respectful, not cynical or impatient.
And out
of the great bank of memories that Marius carried forever with him, there came
a long neglected moment, startling in its purity-Mael coming to the palazzo in
Venice in the contented years of the fifteenth century, when Marius and Armand
had known such happiness, and Mael seeing the mortal boy at work with the other
apprentices on a mural which Marius had only lately left to their less
competent hands. Strange how vivid, the smell of the egg tempera, the smell of
the candles, and that familiar smell-not unpleasant now in remembering-which
permeated all Venice, the smell of the rottenness of things, of the dark and
putrid waters of the canals. "And so you would make that one?" Mael
had asked with simple directness. "When it's time," Marius had said
dismissively, "when it's time." Less than a year later, he had made
his little blunder. "Come into my arms, young one, I can live without you
no more."
Marius
stared at the distant house. My world trembles and I think of him, my
Amadeo, my Armand. The emotions he felt were suddenly as bittersweet as
music, the blended orchestral melodies of recent centuries, the tragic strains
of Brahms or Shostakovich which he had come to love.
But
this was no time for cherishing this reunion. No time to feel the keen warmth
of it, to be glad of it, and to say all the things to Armand that he so wanted
to say.
Bitterness
was something shallow compared to his present state of mind. Should have
destroyed them, the Mother and the Father. Should have destroyed us all.
"Thank
the gods," Mael said, "that you did not."
"And
why?" Marius demanded. "Tell me why?"
Pandora
shuddered. He felt her arm come around his waist. And why did that make him so
angry? He turned sharply to her; he wanted to strike her, push her away. But
what he saw stopped him. She wasn't even looking at him; and her expression was
so distant, so soul weary that he felt his own exhaustion all the more heavily.
He wanted to weep. The well-being of Pandora had always been crucial to his own
survival. He did not need to be near her-better that he was not near her-but he
had to know that she was somewhere, and continuing, and that they might meet
again. What he saw now in her-had seen earlier-filled him with foreboding. If
he felt bitterness, then Pandora felt despair.
"Come,"
Santino said, "they're waiting." It was said with courtly politeness.
"I
know," Marius answered.
"Ah,
what a trio we are!" Pandora whispered suddenly. She was spent, fragile,
hungering for sleep and dreams, yet protectively she tightened her grip on
Marius's waist.
"I
can walk unaided, thank you," he said with uncharacteristic meanness, and
to this one, the one he most loved.
"Walk,
then," she answered. And just for a second, he saw her old warmth, even a
spark of her old humor. She gave him a little shove, and then started out alone
towards the house.
Acid.
His thoughts were acid as he followed. He could not be of use to these
immortals. Yet he walked on with Mael and Santino into the light streaming from
the windows beyond. The redwood forest receded into shadow; not a leaf moved.
But the air was good here, warm here, full of fresh scents and without the
sting of the north.
Armand.
It made him want to weep.
Then he
saw the woman appear in the doorway. A sylph with her long curly red hair
catching the hallway light.
He did
not stop, but surely he felt a little intelligent fear. Old as Akasha she was,
certainly. Her pale eyebrows were all but faded into the radiance of her
countenance. Her mouth had no color anymore. And her eyes... Her eyes were not
really her eyes. No, they had been taken from a mortal victim and they were already
failing her. She could not see very well as she looked at him- Ah, the blinded
twin from the dreams, she was. And she felt pain now in the delicate nerves
connected to the stolen eyes.
Pandora
stopped at the edge of the steps.
Marius
went past her and up onto the porch. He stood before the red-haired woman,
marveling at her height-she was as tall as he was-and at the fine symmetry of
her masklike face. She wore a flowing gown of black wool with a high neck and
full dagged sleeves. In long loose gores the cloth fell from a slender girdle
of braided black cord just beneath her small breasts. A lovely garment really.
It made her face seem all the more radiant and detached from everything around
it, a mask with the light behind it, glowing in a frame of red hair.
But
there was a great deal more to marvel at than these simple attributes which she
might have possessed in one form or another six thousand years ago. The woman's
vigor astonished him. It gave her an air of infinite flexibility and overwhelming
menace. Was she the true immortal?-the one who had never slept, never gone
silent, never been released by madness? One who had walked with a rational mind
and measured steps through all the millennia since she had been born?
She let
him know, for what it was worth, that this was exactly what she was.
He
could see her immeasurable strength as if it were incandescent light; yet he
could sense an immediate informality, the immediate receptivity of a clever
mind.
How to
read her expression, however. How to know what she really felt.
A deep,
soft femininity emanated from her, no less mysterious than anything else about
her, a tender vulnerability that he associated exclusively with women though
now and then he found it in a very young man. In the dreams, her face had
evinced this tenderness; now it was something invisible but no less real. At
another time it would have charmed him; now he only took note of it, as he
noted her gilded fingernails, so beautifully tapered, and the jeweled rings she
wore.
"All
those years you knew of me," he said politely, speaking in the old Latin.
"You knew I kept the Mother and the Father. Why
didn't you come to me? Why didn't you tell me who you were?"
She
considered for a long moment before answering, her eyes moving back and forth
suddenly over the others who drew close to him now.
Santino
was terrified of this woman, though he knew her very well. And Mael was afraid
of her too, though perhaps a little less. In fact, it seemed that Mael loved
her and was bound to her in some subservient way. As for Pandora, she was
merely apprehensive. She drew even closer to Marius as if to stand with him,
regardless of what he meant to do.
"Yes,
I knew of you," the woman said suddenly. She spoke English in the modern
fashion. But it was the unmistakable voice of the twin in the dream, the blind
twin who had cried out the name of her mute sister, Mekare, as both had been
shut up in stone coffins by the angry mob.
Our
voices never really change, Marius thought. The voice was young, pretty. It had
a reticent softness as she spoke again.
"I
might have destroyed your shrine if I had come," she said. "I might
have buried the King and the Queen beneath the sea. I might even have destroyed
them, and so doing, destroyed all of us. And this I didn't want to do. And so I
did nothing. What would you have had me do? I couldn't take your burden from
you. I couldn't help you. So I did not come."
It was
a better answer than he had expected. It was not impossible to like this
creature. On the other hand, this was merely the beginning. And her answer-it
wasn't the whole truth.
"No?"
she asked him. Her face revealed a tracery of subtle lines for an instant, the
glimpse of something that had once been human. "What is the whole
truth?" she asked. "That I owed you nothing, least of all the
knowledge of my existence and that you are impertinent to suggest that I should
have made myself known to you? I have seen a thousand like you. I know when you
come into being. I know when you perish. What are you to me? We come together
now because we have to. We are in danger. All living things are in danger! And
maybe when this is finished we will love each other and respect each other. And
maybe not. Maybe we'll all be dead."
"Perhaps
so," he said quietly. He couldn't help smiling. She was right. And he
liked her manner, the bone-hard way in which she spoke.
It had
been his experience that all immortals were irrevocably stamped by the age in
which they were born. And so it was true, also, of even this ancient one, whose
words had a savage simplicity, though the timbre of the voice had been soft.
"I'm
not myself," he added hesitantly. "I haven't survived all this as
well as I should have survived it. My body's healed-the old miracle." He
sneered. "But I don't understand my present view of things. The
bitterness, the utter-" He stopped.
"The
utter darkness," she said.
"Yes.
Never has life itself seemed so senseless," he added. "I don't mean
for us. I mean-to use your phrase-for all living things. It's a joke, isn't it?
Consciousness, it's a kind of joke."
"No,"
she said. "That's not so."
"I
disagree with you. Will you patronize me? Tell me now how many thousands of
years you've lived before I was born? How much you know that I don't
know?" He thought again of his imprisonment, the ice hurting him, the pain
shooting through his limbs. He thought of the immortal voices that had answered
him; the rescuers who had moved towards him, only to be caught one by one by
Akasha's fire. He had heard them die, if he had not seen them! And what had
sleep meant for him? The dreams of the twins.
She
reached out suddenly and caught his right hand gently in both of hers. It was
rather like being held in the maw of a machine; and though Marius had inflicted
that very impression upon many young ones himself over the years, he had yet to
feel such overpowering strength himself.
"Marius,
we need you now," she said warmly, her eyes glittering for an instant in
the yellow light that poured out of the door behind her, and out of the windows
to the right and to the left.
"For
the love of heaven, why?"
"Don't
jest," she answered. "Come into the house. We must talk while we have
time."
"About
what?" he insisted. "About why the Mother has allowed us to live? I
know the answer to that question. It makes me laugh. You she cannot kill,
obviously, and we... we are spared because Lestat wants it. You realize this,
don't you? Two thousand years I cared for her, protected her, worshiped her,
and she has spared me now on account of her love for a two-hundred-year-old
fledgling named Lestat."
"Don't
be so sure of it!" Santino said suddenly.
"No,"
the woman said. "It's not her only reason. But there are many things we
must consider-"
"I
know you're right." he said. "But I haven't the spirit for it. My
illusions are gone, you see, and I didn't even know they were illusions. I
thought I had attained such wisdom! It was my principal source of pride. I was
with the eternal things. Then, when I saw her standing there in the shrine, I
knew that all my deepest hopes and dreams had come true! She was alive inside
that body. Alive, while I played the acolyte, the slave, the eternal guardian
of the tomb!"
But why
try to explain it? Her vicious smile, her mocking words to him, the ice falling.
The cold darkness afterwards and the twins. Ah, yes, the twins. That was at the
heart of it as much as anything else, and it occurred to him suddenly that the
dreams had cast a spell on him. He should have questioned this before now. He
looked at her, and the dreams seemed to surround her suddenly, to take her out
of the moment back to those stark times. He saw sunlight; he saw the dead body
of the mother; he saw the twins poised above the body. So many questions...
"But
what have these dreams to do with this catastrophe!" he demanded suddenly.
He had been so defenseless against those endless dreams.
The
woman looked at him for a long moment before answering. "This I will tell
you, insofar as I know. But you must calm yourself. It's as if you've got your
youth back, and what a curse it must be."
He
laughed. "I was never young. But what do you mean by this?"
"You
rant and rave. And I can't console you."
"And
you would if you could?"
"Yes."
He
laughed softly.
But
very gracefully she opened her arms to him. The gesture shocked him, not
because it was extraordinary but because he had seen her so often go to embrace
her sister in this manner in the dreams. "My name is Maharet," she
said. "Call me by my name and put away your distrust. Come into my house."
She
leant forward, her hands touching the sides of his face as she kissed him on
the cheek. Her red hair touched his skin and the sensation confused him. The
perfume rising from her clothes confused him-the faint Oriental scent that made
him think of incense, which always made him think of the shrine.
"Maharet,"
he said angrily. "If I am needed, why didn't you come for me when I lay in
that pit of ice? Could she have stopped you?"
"Marius,
I have come," she said. "And you are here now with us." She
released him, and let her hands fall, gracefully clasped before her skirts.
"Do you think I had nothing to do during these nights when all our kind
were being destroyed? To the left and right of me, the world over, she slew
those I had loved or known. I could not be here and there to protect these
victims. Cries reached my ears from every corner of the earth. And I had my own
quest, my own sorrow-" Abruptly she stopped.
A faint
carnal blush came over her; in a warm flash the normal expressive lines of her
face returned. She was in pain, both physical and mental, and her eyes were
clouding with thin blood tears. Such a strange thing, the fragility of the eyes
in the indestructible body. And the suffering emanating from her-he could not
bear it-it was like the dreams themselves. He saw a great riff of images, vivid
yet wholly different. And quite suddenly he realized-
"You
aren't the one who sent the dreams to us!" he whispered. "You are not
the source."
She
didn't answer.
"Ye
gods, where is your sister! What does all this mean?"
There
was a subtle recoiling, as if he'd struck her heart. She tried to veil her mind
from him; but he felt the unquenchable pain. In silence, she stared at him,
taking in all of his face and figure slowly and obviously, as if to let him
know that he had unforgivably transgressed.
He
could feel the fear coming from Mael and Santino, who dared to say nothing.
Pandora drew even closer to him and gave him a little warning signal as she
clasped his hand.
Why had
he spoken so brutally, so impatiently? My quest, my own sorrow... But
damn it all!
He
watched her close her eyes, and press her fingers tenderly to her eyelids as if
she would make the ache in her eyes go away, but she could not.
"Maharet,"
he said with a soft, honest sigh. "We're in a war and we stand about on
the battlefield speaking harsh words to each other. I am the worst offender. I
only want to understand."
She
looked up at him, her head still bowed, her hand hovering before her face. And the
look was fierce, almost malicious. Yet he found himself staring senselessly at
the delicate curve of her fingers, at the gilded nails and the ruby and emerald
rings which flashed suddenly as if sparked with electric light. The most errant
and awful thought came to him, that if he didn't stop being so damned stupid he
might never see Armand. She might drive him out of here or worse... And he
wanted so-before it was over-to see Armand.
"You
come in now, Marius," she said suddenly, her voice polite, forgiving.
"You come with me, and be reunited with your old child, and then we'll
gather with the others who have the same questions. We will begin."
"Yes,
my old child..." he murmured. He felt the longing for Armand again like
music, like Bartók's violin phrases played in a remote and safe place where
there was all the time in the world to hear. Yet he hated her; he hated all of
them. He hated himself. The other twin, where was the other twin? Flashes of
heated jungle. Flashes of the vines torn and the saplings breaking underfoot.
He tried to reason, but he couldn't. Hatred poisoned him.
Many a
time he had witnessed this black denial of life in mortals. He had heard the
wisest of them say, "Life is not worth it," and he had never fathomed
it; well, he understood it now.
Vaguely
he knew she had turned to those around him. She was welcoming Santino and
Pandora into the house.
As if
in a trance, he saw her turn to lead the way. Her hair was so long it fell to
her waist in back, a great mass of soft red curls. And he felt the urge to
touch it, see if it was as soft as it looked. How positively remarkable that he
could be distracted by something lovely at this moment, something impersonal,
and that it could make him feel all right; as if nothing had happened; as if
the world were good. He beheld the shrine intact again; the shrine at the
center of his world. Ah, the idiot human brain, he thought, I how it seizes
whatever it can. And to think Armand was waiting, so near...
She led
them through a series of large, sparely furnished rooms.
The
place for all its openness had the air of a citadel; the ceiling beams were
enormous; the fireplaces, each with a roaring blaze, were no more than open
stone hearths.
So like
the old meeting halls of Europe in the dark times, when the Roman roads had
fallen to ruin and the Latin tongue had been forgotten, and the old warrior
tribes had risen again. The Celts had been triumphant in the end really. They
were the ones who conquered Europe; its feudal castles were no more than Celtic
encampments; even in the modern states, the Celtic superstitions, more than
Roman reason, lived on.
But the
appointments of this place hearkened back to even earlier times. Men and women
had lived in cities built like this before the invention of writing; in rooms
of plaster and wood; among things woven, or hammered by hand.
He
rather liked it; ah, the idle brain again, he thought, that he could like
something at such a time. But the places built by immortals always intrigued
him. And this one was a place to study slowly, to come to know over a great
span of time.
Now
they passed through a steel door and into the mountain itself. The smell of the
raw earth enclosed him. Yet they walked in new metal corridors, with walls of
tin. He could hear the generators, the computers, all the sweet humming
electrical sounds that had made him feel so safe in his own house.
Up an
iron stairs they went. It doubled back upon itself again and again as Maharet
led them higher and higher. Now roughened walls revealed the innards of the
mountain, its deep veins of colored clay and rock. Tiny ferns grew here; but
where did the light come from? A skylight high above. Little portal to heaven.
He glanced up thankfully at the bare glimmer of blue light.
Finally
they emerged on a broad landing and entered a small darkened room. A door lay
open to a much larger chamber where the others waited; but all Marius could see
for the moment was the bright shock of distant firelight, and it made him turn
his eyes away.
Someone
was waiting here in this little room for him, someone whose presence he had
been unable, except by the most ordinary means, to detect. A figure who stood
behind him now. And as Maharet went on into the large room, taking Pandora and
Santino and Mael with her, he understood what was about to happen. To brace
himself he took a slow breath and closed his eyes.
How
trivial all his bitterness seemed; he thought of this one whose existence had
been for centuries unbroken suffering; whose youth with all its needs had been
rendered truly eternal; this one whom he had failed to save, or to perfect. How
many times over the years had he dreamed of such a reunion, and he had never
had the courage for it; and now on this battlefield, in this time of ruin and
upheaval, they were at last to meet.
"My
love," he whispered. He felt himself chastened suddenly as he had been
earlier when he had flown up and up over the Snowy wastes past the realm of the
indifferent clouds. Never had he spoken words more heartfelt. "My
beautiful Amadeo," he said.
And
reaching out he felt the touch of Armand's hand-Supple still this unnatural
flesh, supple as if it were human, and cool and so soft. He couldn't help
himself now. He was weeping. He opened his eyes to see the boyish figure
standing before him. Oh, such an expression. So accepting, so yielding. Then he
opened his arms.
Centuries
ago in a palazzo in Venice, he had tried to capture in imperishable pigment the
quality of this love. What had been its lesson? That in all the world no two
souls contain the same secret, the same gift of devotion or abandon; that in a
common child, a wounded child, he had found a blending of sadness and simple
grace that would forever break his heart? This one had understood him! This one
had loved him as no other ever had. Through his tears he saw no recrimination
for the grand experiment that had gone wrong. He saw the face that he had
painted, now darkened slightly with the thing we naively call wisdom; and he
saw the same love he had counted upon so totally in those lost nights.
If only
there were time, time to seek the quiet of the forest- some warm, secluded
place among the soaring redwoods-and there talk together by the hour through
long unhurried nights. But the others waited; and so these moments were all the
more precious, and all the more sad.
He
tightened his arms around Armand. He kissed Armand's lips, and his long loose
vagabond hair. He ran his hand covetously over Armand's shoulders. He looked at
the slim white hand he held in his own. Every detail he had sought to preserve
forever on canvas; every detail he had certainly preserved in death.
"They're
waiting, aren't they?" he asked. "They won't give us more than a few
moments now."
Without
judgment, Armand nodded. In a low, barely audible voice, he said, "It's
enough. I always knew that we would meet again." Oh, the memories that the
timbre of the voice brought back. The palazzo with its coffered ceilings, beds
draped in red velvet. The figure of this boy rushing up the marble staircase,
his face flushed from the winter wind off the Adriatic, his brown eyes on fire.
"Even in moments of the greatest jeopardy," the voice continued,
"I knew we would meet before I would be free to die."
"Free
to die?"
Marius responded. "We are always free to die, aren't we? What we must have
now is the courage to do it, if indeed it is the right thing to do."
Armand
appeared to think on this for a moment. And the soft distance that crept into
his face brought back the sadness again to Marius. "Yes, that's
true," he said.
"I
love you," Marius whispered suddenly, passionately as a mortal man might.
"I have always loved you. I wish that I could believe in anything other
than love at this moment; but I can't."
Some small
sound interrupted them. Maharet had come to the door.
Marius
slipped his arm around Armand's shoulder. There was one final moment of silence
and understanding between them. And then they followed Maharet into an immense
mountaintop room.
All of
glass it was, except for the wall behind him, and the distant iron chimney that
hung from the ceiling above the blazing fire. No other light here save the
blaze, and above and beyond, the sharp tips of the monstrous redwoods, and the
bland Pacific sky with its vaporous clouds and tiny cowardly stars.
But it
was beautiful still, wasn't it? Even if it was not the sky over the Bay of
Naples, or seen from the flank of Annapurna or from a vessel cast adrift in the
middle of the blackened sea. The mere sweep of it was beautiful, and to think
that only moments ago he had been high up there, drifting in the darkness, seen
only by his fellow travelers and by the stars themselves. The joy came back to
him again as it had when he looked at Maharet's red hair. No sorrow as when he
thought of Armand beside him; just joy, impersonal and transcendent. A reason
to remain alive.
It
occurred to him suddenly that he wasn't very good at bitterness or regret, that
he didn't have the stamina for them, and if he was to recapture his dignity, he
had better shape up fast.
A
little laugh greeted him, friendly, unobtrusive; a little drunken maybe, the
laugh of a fledgling who lacked common sense. He smiled in acknowledgment,
darting a glance at the amused one, Daniel. Daniel the anonymous
"boy" of Interview with the Vampire. It hit him quickly that
this was Armand's child, the only child Armand had ever made. A good start on
the Devil's Road this creature had, this exuberant and intoxicated being,
strengthened with all that Armand had to give.
Quickly
he surveyed the others who were gathered around the oval table.
To his
right and some distance away, there was Gabrielle, with her blond hair in a
braid down her back and her eyes full of undisguised anguish; and beside her,
Louis, unguarded and passive as always, staring at Marius mutely as if in
scientific inquiry or worship or both; then came his beloved Pandora, her
rippling brown hair free over her shoulders and still speckled with the tiny
sparkling droplets of melted frost. Santino sat to her right, finally, looking
composed once more, all the dirt gone from his finely cut black velvet clothes.
On his
left sat Khayman, another ancient one, who gave his name silently and freely, a
horrifying being, actually, with a face even smoother than that of Maharet.
Marius found he couldn't take his eyes off this one. Never had the faces of the
Mother and the Father so startled him, though they too had had these black eyes
and jet black hair. It was the smile, wasn't it? The open, affable expression
fixed there in spite of all the efforts of time to wash it away. The creature
looked like a mystic or a saint, yet he was a savage killer. Recent feasts of
human blood had softened his skin just a little, and given a faint blush to his
cheeks.
Mael, shaggy
and unkempt as always, had taken the chair to Khayman's left. And after him
came another old one, Eric, past three thousand years by Marius's reckoning,
gaunt and deceptively fragile in appearance, perhaps thirty when he died. His
soft brown eyes regarded Marius thoughtfully. His handmade clothes were like
exquisite replicas of the store-bought goods men of business wore today.
But
what was this other being? The one who sat to the right of Maharet, who stood
directly opposite Marius at the far end? Now, this one truly gave him a shock.
The other twin was his first rash conjecture as he stared at her green eyes and
her coppery red hair.
But
this being had been alive yesterday, surely. And he could find no explanation
for her strength, her frigid whiteness; the piercing manner in which she stared
at him; and the overwhelming telepathic power that emanated from her, a cascade
of dark and finely delineated images which she seemed unable to control. She
was seeing with uncanny accuracy the painting he had done centuries ago of his
Amadeo, surrounded by black-winged angels as he knelt in prayer. A chill passed
over Marius.
"In
the crypt of the Talamasca," he whispered. "My painting?" He
laughed, rudely, venomously. "And so it's there!"
The creature
was frightened; she hadn't meant to reveal her thoughts. Protective of the
Talamasca, and hopelessly confused, she shrank back into herself. Her body
seemed to grow smaller and yet to redouble its power. A monster. A monster with
green eyes and delicate bones. Born yesterday, yes, exactly as he had figured
it; there was living tissue in her; and suddenly he understood all about her.
This one, named Jesse, had been made by Maharet. This one was an actual human
descendant of the woman; and now she had become the fledgling of her ancient
mother. The scope of it astonished him and frightened him slightly. The blood
racing through the young one's veins had a potency that was unimaginable to
Marius. She was absolutely without thirst; yet she wasn't even really dead.
But he
must stop this, this merciless and rummaging appraisal. They were, after all,
waiting for him. Yet he could not help but wonder where in God's name were his
own mortal descendants, spawn of the nephews and nieces he had so loved when he
was alive? For a few hundred years, true, he had followed their progress; but
finally, he could no longer recognize them; he could no longer recognize Rome
itself. And he had let it all go into darkness, as Rome had passed into
darkness. Yet surely there were those walking the earth today who had that old
family blood in their veins.
He
continued to stare at the red-haired young one. How she resembled her great
mother; tall, yet frail of bone, beautiful yet severe. Some great secret
here, something to do with the lineage, the family... She wore soft dark
clothes rather similar to those of the ancient one; her hands were immaculate;
she wore no scent or paint.
They
were all of them magnificent in their own way. The tall heavily built Santino
was elegant in his priestly black, with his lustrous black eyes and a sensuous
mouth. Even the unkempt Mael had a savage and overpowering presence as he
glowered at the ancient woman with an obvious mixture of love and hate.
Armand's angelic face was beyond description; and the boy Daniel, a vision with
his ashen hair and gleaming violet eyes.
Was
nobody ugly ever given immortality? Or did the dark magic simply make beauty
out of whatever sacrifice was thrown into the blaze? But Gabrielle had been a
lovely thing in life surely, with all her son's courage and none of his
impetuosity, and Louis, ah, well, Louis of course had been picked for the
exquisite bones of his face, for the depth of his green eyes. He had been
picked for the inveterate attitude of somber appreciation that he revealed now.
He looked like a human being lost among them, his face softened with color and
feeling; his body curiously defenseless; his eyes wondering and sad. Even
Khayman had an undeniable perfection of face and form, horrifying as the total effect
had come to be.
As for
Pandora, he saw her alive and mortal when he looked at her, he saw the eager
innocent woman who had come to him so many eons ago in the ink-black nighttime
streets of Antioch, begging to be made immortal, not the remote and melancholy
being who sat so still now in her simple biblical robes, staring through the
glass wall opposite her at the fading galaxy beyond the thickening clouds.
Even
Eric, bleached by the centuries and faintly radiant, retained, as Maharet did,
an air of great human feeling, made all the more appealing by a beguiling
androgynous grace.
The
fact was, Marius had never laid eyes on such an assemblage-a gathering of
immortals of all ages from the newborn to the most ancient; and each endowed
with immeasurable powers and weaknesses, even to the delirious young man whom
Armand had skillfully created with all the unspent virtue of his virgin blood.
Marius doubted that such a "coven" had ever come together before.
And how
did he fit into the picture, he who had been the eldest of his own carefully
controlled universe in which the ancients had been silent gods? The winds had
cleansed him of the dried blood that had clung to his face and shoulder-length
hair. His long black cloak was damp from the snows from which he'd come. And as
he approached the table, as he waited belligerently for Maharet to tell him he
might be seated, he fancied he looked as much the monster as the others did,
his blue eyes surely cold with the animosity that was burning him from within.
"Please,"
she said to him graciously. She gestured to the empty wooden chair before him,
a place of honor obviously, at the foot of the table; that is, if one conceded
that she stood at the head.
Comfortable
it was, not like so much modern furniture. Its curved back felt good to him as
he seated himself, and he could rest his hand on the arm, that was good, too.
Armand took the empty chair to his right.
Maharet
seated herself without a sound. She rested her hands with fingers folded on the
polished wood before her. She bowed her head as if collecting her thoughts to
begin.
"Are
we all that is left?" Marius asked. "Other than the Queen and the
brat prince and-" He paused.
A
ripple of silent confusion passed through the others. The mute twin, where was she?
What was the mystery?
"Yes,"
Maharet answered soberly. "Other than the Queen, and the brat prince, and
my sister. Yes, we are the only ones left. Or the only ones left who
count."
She
paused as if to let her words have their full effect. Her eyes gently took in
the complete assembly.
"Far
off," she said, "there may be others-old ones who choose to remain
apart. Or those she hunts still, who are doomed. But we are what remains in
terms of destiny or decision. Or intent,"
"And
my son," Gabrielle said. Her voice was sharp, full of emotion, and subtle
disregard for those present. "Will none of you tell me what she's done
with him and where he is?" She looked from the woman to Marius, fearlessly
and desperately. "Surely you have the power to know where he is."
Her
resemblance to Lestat touched Marius. It was from this one that Lestat had
drawn his strength, without doubt. But there was a coldness in her that Lestat
would never understand.
"He's
with her, as I've already told you," Khayman said, his voice deep and
unhurried. "But beyond that she doesn't let us know."
Gabrielle
did not believe it, obviously. There was a pulling away in her, a desire to
leave here, to go off alone. Nothing could have forced the others away from the
table. But this one had made no such commitment to the meeting, it was clear.
"Allow
me to explain this," Maharet said, "because it's of the utmost
importance. The Mother is skillful at cloaking herself, of course. But we of
the early centuries have never been able to communicate silently with the
Mother and the Father or with each other. We are all simply too close to the
source of the power that makes us what we are. We are deaf and blind to each
other's minds just as master and fledgling are among you. Only as time passed
and more and more blood drinkers were created did they acquire the power to
communicate silently with each other as we have done with mortals all
along."
"Then
Akasha couldn't find you," Marius said, "you or Khayman-if you
weren't with us."
"That's
so. She must see us through your minds or not at all.
And so
we must see her through the minds of others. Except of course of a
certain sound we hear now and then on the approach of the powerful, a sound
that has to do with a great exertion of energy, and with breath and
blood."
"Yes,
that sound," Daniel murmured softly. "That awful relentless
sound."
"But
is there nowhere we can hide from her?" Eric asked. "Those of us she
can hear and see?" It was a young man's voice, of course, and with a heavy
undefinable accent, each word rather beautifully intoned.
"You
know there isn't," Maharet answered with explicit patience. "But we
waste time talking of hiding. You are here either because she cannot kill you
or she chooses not to. And so be it. We must go on."
"Or
she hasn't finished," Eric said disgustedly. "She hasn't made up her
infernal mind on the matter of who shall die and who shall live!"
"I
think you are safe here," Khayman said. "She had her chance with
everyone present, did she not?"
But
that was just it, Marius realized. It was not at all clear that the Mother had
had her chance with Eric, Eric who traveled, apparently, in the company of
Maharet. Eric's eyes locked on Maharet. There was some quick silent exchange
but it wasn't telepathic. What came clear to Marius was that Maharet had made
Eric, and neither knew for certain whether Eric was too strong now for the
Mother. Maharet was pleading for calm.
"But
Lestat, you can read his mind, can't you?" Gabrielle said.
"Can't you discover them both through him?"
"Not
even I can always cover a pure and enormous distance," Maharet answered.
"If there were other blood drinkers left who could pick up Lestat's
thoughts and relay them to me, well, then of course I could find him in an
instant. But in the main, those blood drinkers are no more. And Lestat has
always been good at cloaking his presence; it's natural to him. It's always
that way with the strong ones, the ones who are self-sufficient and aggressive.
Wherever he is now, he instinctively shuts us out."
"She's
taken him," Khayman said. He reached across the table and laid his hand on
Gabrielle's hand. "She'll reveal everything to us when she is ready. And
if she chooses to harm Lestat in the meantime there is absolutely nothing that
any of us can do."
Marius
almost laughed. It seemed these ancient ones thought statements of absolute
truth were a comfort; what a curious combination of vitality and passivity they
were. Had it been so at the dawn of recorded history? When people sensed the
inevitable, they stood stock-still and accepted it? It was difficult for him to
grasp.
"The
Mother won't harm Lestat," he said to Gabrielle, to all of them. "She
loves him. And at its core it's a common kind of love. She won't harm him
because she doesn't want to harm herself. And she knows all his tricks, I'll
wager, just as we know them. He won't be able to provoke her, though he's
probably foolish enough to try."
Gabrielle
gave a little nod at that with a trace of a sad smile. It was her considered
opinion that Lestat could provoke anyone, finally, given enough time and
opportunity; but she let it pass.
She was
neither consoled nor resigned. She sat back in the wooden chair and stared past
them as if they no longer existed. She felt no allegiance to this group; she
felt no allegiance to anyone but Lestat.
"All
right then," she said coldly. "Answer the crucial question. If I
destroy this monster who's taken my son, do we all die?"
"How
the hell are you going to destroy her?" Daniel asked in amazement. Eric
sneered.
She glanced
at Daniel dismissively. Eric she ignored. She looked at Maharet. "Well, is
the old myth true? If I waste this bitch, to use the vernacular, do I waste the
rest of us too?"
There
was faint laughter in the gathering. Marius shook his head. But Maharet gave a
little smile of acknowledgment as she nodded:
"Yes.
It was tried in the earlier times. It was tried by many a fool who didn't
believe it. The spirit who inhabits her animates us all. Destroy the host, you
destroy the power. The young die first; the old wither slowly; the eldest
perhaps would go last. But she is the Queen of the Damned, and the Damned can't
live without her. Enkil was only her consort, and that is why it does not
matter now that she has slain him and drunk his blood to the last drop."
"The
Queen of the Damned." Marius whispered it aloud softly. There had been a
strange inflection when Maharet had said it, as if memories had stirred in her,
painful and awful, and undimmed by time. Undimmed as the dreams were undimmed. Again
he had a sense of the starkness and severity of these ancient beings, for whom
language perhaps, and all the thoughts governed by it, had not been needlessly
complex.
"Gabrielle,"
Khayman said, pronouncing the name exquisitely, "we cannot help Lestat. We
must use this time to make a plan." He turned to Maharet. "The
dreams, Maharet. Why have the dreams come to us now? This is what we all want
to know."
There
was a protracted silence. All present had known, in some form, these dreams.
Only lightly had they touched Gabrielle and Louis, so lightly in fact that
Gabrielle had, before this night, given no thought to them, and Louis,
frightened by Lestat, had pushed them out of his mind. Even Pandora, who
confessed no personal knowledge of them, had told Marius of Azim's warning.
Santino had called them horrid trances from which he couldn't escape.
Marius
knew now that they had been a noxious spell for the young ones, Jesse and
Daniel, almost as cruel as they had been for him.
Yet
Maharet did not respond. The pain in her eyes had intensified; Marius felt it
like a soundless vibration. He felt the spasms in the tiny nerves.
He bent
forward slightly, folding his hands before him on the table.
"Maharet,"
he said. "Your sister is sending the dreams. Isn't this so?"
No
answer.
"Where
is Mekare?" he pushed.
Silence
again.
He felt
the pain in her. And he was sorry, very sorry once more for the bluntness of
his speech. But if he was to be of use here, he must push things to a
conclusion. He thought of Akasha in the shrine again, though why he didn't
know. He thought of the smile on her face. He thought of Lestat-protectively,
desperately. But Lestat was just a symbol now. A symbol of himself. Of them
all.
Maharet
was looking at him in the strangest way, as if he were a mystery to her. She
looked at the others. Finally she spoke:
"You
witnessed our separation," she said quietly. "All of you. You saw it
in the dreams. You saw the mob surround me and my sister; you saw them force us
apart; in stone coffins they placed us, Mekare unable to cry out to me because
they had cut out her tongue, and I unable to see her for the last time because
they had taken my eyes.
"But
I saw through the minds of those who hurt us. I knew it was to the seashores
that we were being taken. Mekare to the west; and I to the east. "Ten
nights I drifted on the raft of pitch and logs, entombed alive in the stone
coffin. And finally when the raft sank and the water lifted the stone lid, I
was free. Blind, ravenous, I swam ashore and stole from the first poor mortal I
encountered the eyes to see and the blood to live. "But Mekare? Into the
great western ocean she had been cast- the waters that ran to the end of the
world. "Yet from that first night on I searched for her; I searched
through Europe, through Asia, through the southern jungles and the frozen lands
of the north. Century after century I searched, finally crossing the western
ocean when mortals did to take my quest to the New World as well.
"I
never found my sister. I never found a mortal or immortal who had set eyes upon
her or heard her name. Then in this century, in the years after the second
great war, in the high mountain jungles of Peru, the indisputable evidence of
my sister's presence was discovered by a lone archaeologist on the walls of a
shallow cave-pictures my sister had created-of stick figures and crude pigment
which told the tale of our lives together, the sufferings you all know.
"But
six thousand years ago these drawings had been carved into the stone. And six thousand
years ago my sister had been taken from me. No other evidence of her existence
was ever found.
"Yet
I have never abandoned the hope of finding my sister. I have always known, as
only a twin might, that she walks this earth still, that I am not here alone.
"And
now, within these last ten nights, I have, for the first time, proof that my
sister is still with me. It has come to me through the dreams.
"These
are Mekare's thoughts; Mekare's images; Mekare's rancor and pain."
Silence.
All eyes were fixed on her. Marius was quietly stunned. He feared to be the one
to speak again, but this was worse than he had imagined and the implications
were now entirely clear. The origin of these dreams was almost certainly not a
conscious survivor of the millennia; rather the visions had-very possibly- come
from one who had no more mind now than an animal in whom memory is a spur to
action which the animal does not question or understand. It would explain their
clarity; it would explain their repetition.
And the
flashes he had seen of something moving through the jungles, this was Mekare
herself.
"Yes,"
Maharet said immediately. " 'In the jungles. Walking,' " she
whispered. "The words of the dying archaeologist, scribbled on a piece of
paper and left for me to find when I came. 'In the jungles. Walking.' But
where?"
It was
Louis who broke the silence.
"Then
the dreams may not be a deliberate message," he said, his words marked by
a slight French accent. "They may simply be the outpouring of a tortured
soul."
"No.
They are a message," Khayman said. "They are a warning. They are
meant for all of us, and for the Mother as well."
"But
how can you say this?" Gabrielle asked him. "We don't know what her
mind is now, or that she even knows that we are here."
"You
don't know the whole story," Khayman said. "I know it. Maharet will
tell it." He looked to Maharet.
"I
saw her," Jesse said unobtrusively, her voice tentative as she looked at
Maharet. "She's crossed a great river; she's coming. I saw her! No, that's
not right. I saw as if I were she."
"Yes,"
Marius answered. "Through her eyes!"
"I
saw her red hair when I looked down," Jesse said. "I saw the jungle
giving way with each step."
"The
dreams must be a communication," Mael said with sudden impatience. "For
why else would the message be so strong? Our private thoughts don't carry such
power. She raises her voice; she wants someone or something to know what she is
thinking..."
"Or
she is obsessed and acting upon that obsession," Marius answered.
"And moving towards a certain goal." He paused. "To be united
with you, her sister! What else could she possibly want?"
"No,"
Khayman said. "That is not her goal." Again he looked at Maharet.
"She has a promise to keep to the Mother, and that is what the dreams mean."
Maharet
studied him for a moment in silence; it seemed this was almost beyond her
endurance, this discussion of her sister, yet she fortified herself silently
for the ordeal that lay ahead.
"We
were there in the beginning," Khayman said. "We were the first
children of the Mother; and in these dreams lies the story of how it
began."
"Then
you must tell us... all of it," Marius said as gently as
he could.
"Yes."
Maharet sighed. "And I will." She looked at each of them in turn and
then back to Jesse. "I must tell you the whole story," she said,
"so that you can understand what we may be powerless to avert. You see,
this is not merely the story of the beginning. It may be the story of the end
as well." She sighed suddenly as if the prospect were too much for her.
"Our world has never seen such upheaval," she said, looking at
Marius. "Lestat's music, the rising of the Mother, so much death."
She
looked down for a moment, as if collecting herself again for the effort. And
then she glanced at Khayman and at Jesse, who were the ones she most loved.
"I
have never told it before," she said as if pleading for indulgence.
"It has for me now the hard purity of mythology-those times when I was
alive. When I could still see the sun. But in this mythology is rooted all the
truths that I know. And if we go back, we may find the future, and the means to
change it. The very least that we can do is seek to understand."
A hush
fell. All waited with respectful patience for her to begin.
"In
the beginning," she said, "we were witches, my sister and I. We
talked to the spirits and the spirits loved us. Until she sent her soldiers
into our land."
She let
me go. Instantly I began to plummet; the wind was a roar in my ears. But the
worst part was that I couldn't see! I heard her say Rise.
There
was a moment of exquisite helplessness. I was plunging towards the earth and
nothing was going to stop it; then I looked up, my eyes stinging, the clouds
closing over me, and I remembered the tower, and the feeling of rising. I made
the decision. Go up! And my descent stopped at once.
It was
as if a current of air had caught me. I went up hundreds of feet in one
instant, and then the clouds were below me-a white light that I could scarcely
see. I decided to drift. Why did I have to go anywhere for the moment? Maybe I
could open my eyes fully, and see through the wind, if I wasn't afraid of the
pain.
She was
laughing somewhere-in my head or over it, I didn't know which. Come on,
prince, come higher.
I spun around
and shot upwards again, until I saw her coming towards me, her garments
swirling about her, her heavy plaits lifted more gently by the wind.
She
caught me and kissed me. I tried to steady myself, holding onto her, to look
down and really see something through the breaks in the clouds. Mountains,
snow-covered and dazzling in the moonlight, with great bluish flanks that
disappeared into deep valleys of fathomless snow.
"Lift
me now," she whispered in my ear. "Carry me to the northwest."
"I
don't know the direction."
"Yes,
you do. The body knows it. Your mind knows it. Don't ask them which way it is.
Tell them that is the way you wish to go. You know the principles. When you
lifted your rifle, you looked at the wolf running; you didn't calculate the distance
or the speed of the bullet; you fired; the wolf went down."
I rose
again with that same incredible buoyancy; and then I realized she had become a
great weight in my arm. Her eyes were fixed on me; she was making me carry her.
I smiled, I think I laughed aloud. I lifted her and kissed her again, and
continued the ascent without interruption. To the northwest. That is to
the right and to the right again and higher. My mind did know it; it knew the
terrain over which we'd come. I made a little artful turn and then another; I
was spinning, clutching her close to me, rather loving the weight of her body,
the press of her breasts against me, and her lips again closing delicately on
mine.
She
drew close to my ear. "Do you hear it?" she asked.
I
listened; the wind seemed annihilating; yet there came a dull chorus from the
earth, human voices chanting; some in time with each other, others at random;
voices praying aloud in an Asian tongue. Far far away I could hear them, and
then near at hand. Important to distinguish the two sounds. First, there was a
long procession of worshipers ascending through the mountain passes and over
the cliffs, chanting to keep themselves alive as they trudged on in spite of
weariness and cold. And within a building, a loud, ecstatic chorus, chanting
fiercely over the clang of cymbals and drums.
I
gathered her head close to mine and looked down, but the clouds had become a
solid bed of whiteness. Yet I could see through the minds of the worshipers the
brilliant vision of a courtyard and a temple of marble arches and vast painted
rooms. The procession wound towards the temple.
"I
want to see it!" I said. She didn't answer, but she didn't stop me as I
drifted downward, stretching out on the air as if I were a bird flying, yet
descending until we were in the very middle of the clouds. She had become light
again, as if she were nothing.
And as
we left the sea of whiteness, I saw the temple gleaming below, a tiny clay
model of itself, it seemed, the terrain buckling here and there beneath its
meandering walls. The stench of burning bodies rose from its blazing pyres. And
towards this cluster of roofs and towers, men and women wound their way along
perilous paths from as far as I could see.
"Tell
me who is inside, my prince," she said. "Tell me who is the god of
this temple."
See
it! Draw close to it.
The old trick, but all at once I began to fall. I let out a terrible cry. She
caught me.
"More
care, my prince," she said, steadying me.
I
thought my heart was going to burst.
"You
cannot move out of your body to look into the temple and fly at the same time.
Look through the eyes of the mortals the way you did it before."
I was
still shaking, clutching hold of her.
"I'll
drop you again if you don't calm yourself," she said gently. "Tell
your heart to do as you would have it do."
I gave
a great sigh. My body ached suddenly from the constant force of the wind. And
my eyes, they were stinging so badly again, I couldn't see anything- But I
tried to subdue these little pains; or rather to ignore them as if they didn't
exist. I took hold of her firmly and started down, telling myself to go slowly;
and then again I tried to find the minds of the mortals and see what they saw:
Gilded
walls, cusped arches, every surface glittering with decoration; incense rising,
mingling with the scent of fresh blood. In blurred snatches I saw him,
"the god of the temple."
"A
vampire," I whispered. "A bloodsucking devil. He draws them to
himself, and slaughters them at his leisure. The place reeks of death."
"And
so there shall be more death," she whispered, kissing my face again
tenderly. "Now, very fast, so fast mortal eyes can't see you. Bring us
down to the courtyard beside the funeral pyre."
I could
have sworn it was done before I'd decided it; I'd done no more than consider
the idea! And there I was fallen against a rough plaster wall, with hard stones
under my feet, trembling, my head reeling, my innards grinding in pain. My body
wanted to keep going down, right through solid rock.
Sinking
back against the wall, I heard the chanting before I could see anything. I
smelt the fire, the bodies burning; then I saw the flames.
"That
was very clumsy, my prince," she said softly. "We almost struck the
wall."
"I
don't exactly know how it happened."
"Ah,
but that's the key," she said, "the word 'exact.' The spirit in you
obeys swiftly and completely. Consider a little more. You don't cease to hear
and see as you descend; it merely happens faster than you realize. Do you know
the pure mechanics of snapping your fingers? No, you do not. Yet you can do it.
A mortal child can do it."
I
nodded. The principle was clear all right, as it had been with the target and
the gun.
"Merely
a matter of degrees," I said.
"And
of surrender, fearless surrender."
I nodded.
The truth was I wanted to fall on a soft bed and sleep. I blinked my eyes at
the roaring fire, the sight of the bodies going black in the flames. One of
them wasn't dead; an arm was raised, fingers curled. Now he was dead. Poor
devil. All right.
Her
cold hand touched my cheek. It touched my lips, and then she smoothed back the
tangled hair of my head.
"You've
never had a teacher, have you?" she asked. "Magnus orphaned you the
night he made you. Your father and brothers were fools. As for your mother, she
hated her children."
"I've
always been my own teacher," I said soberly. "And I must confess I've
always been my favorite pupil as well."
Laughter.
"Maybe
it was a little conspiracy," I said. "Of pupil and teacher. But as
you said, there was never anyone else."
She was
smiling at me. The fire was playing in her eyes. Her face was luminous,
frighteningly beautiful.
"Surrender,"
she said, "and I'll teach you things you never dreamed of. You've never
known battle. Real battle. You've never felt the purity of a righteous
cause."
I
didn't answer. I felt dizzy, not merely from the long journey through the air,
but from the gentle caress of her words, and the fathomless blackness of her
eyes. It seemed a great part of her beauty was the sweetness of her expression,
the serenity of it, the way that her eyes held steady even when the glistening
white flesh of her face moved suddenly with a smile or a subtle frown. I knew
if I let myself, I'd be terrified of what was happening. She must have known it
too. She took me in her arms again. "Drink, prince," she whispered.
"Take the strength you need to do as I would have you do."
I don't
know how many moments passed. When she pulled away, I was drugged for an
instant, then the clarity was as always overwhelming. The monotonous music of
the temple was thundering through the walls.
"Azim!
Azim! Azim!"
As she
drew me along after her, it seemed my body didn't exist anymore except as a
vision I kept in place. I felt of my own face, the bones beneath my skin, to
touch something solid that was myself; but this skin, this sensation. It was
utterly new. What was left of me?
The
wooden doors opened as if by magic before us. We passed silently into a long
corridor of slender white marble pillars and scalloped arches, but this was but
the outer border of an immense central room. And the room was filled with
frenzied, screaming worshipers who did not even see us or sense our presence as
they continued to dance, to chant, to leap into the air in the hopes of
glimpsing their one and only god.
"Keep
at my side, Lestat," she said, the voice cutting through the din as if I'd
been touched by a velvet glove.
The
crowd parted, violently, bodies thrust to right and left. Screaming replaced the
chant immediately; the room was in chaos, as a path lay open for us to the
center of the room. The cymbals and drums were silenced; moans and soft piteous
cries surrounded us.
Then a
great sigh of wonder rose as Akasha stepped forward and threw back her veil.
Many
feet away, in the center of the ornate floor stood the blood god, Azim, clothed
in a black silk turban and jeweled robes. His face was disfigured with fury as
he stared at Akasha, as he stared at me.
Prayers
rose from the crowd around us; a shrill voice cried out an anthem to "the
eternal mother."
"Silence!"
Azim commanded. I didn't know the language; but I understood the word.
I could
hear the sound of human blood in his voice; I could see it rushing through his
veins. Never in fact had I seen any vampire or blood drinker so choked with
human blood as was this one; he was as old as Marius, surely, yet his skin had
a dark golden gleam. A thin veil of blood sweat covered it completely, even to
the backs of his large, soft-looking hands.
"You
dare to come into my temple!" he said, and again the language itself
eluded me but the meaning was telepathically clear.
"You
will die now!" Akasha said, the voice even softer than it had been a
moment ago. "You who have misled these hopeless innocents; you who have
fed upon their lives and their blood like a bloated leech."
Screams
rose from the worshipers, cries for mercy. Again, Azim told them to be quiet.
"What
right have you to condemn my worship," he cried, pointing his finger at
us, "you who have sat silent on your throne since the beginning of
time!"
"Time
did not begin with you, my cursed beauty," Akasha answered. "I was
old when you were born. And I am risen now to rule as I was meant to rule. And
you shall die as a lesson to your people. You are my first great martyr. You
shall die now!"
He
tried to run at her; and I tried to step between them; but it was all too fast
to be seen. She caught him by some invisible means and shoved him backwards so
that his feet slid across the marble tile and he teetered, almost falling and
then dancing as he sought to right himself, his eyes rolling up into his head.
A deep
gurgling cry came out of him. He was burning. His garments were burning; and
then the smoke rose from him gray and thin and writhing in the gloom as the
terrified crowd gave way to screams and wails. He was twisting as the heat
consumed him; then suddenly, bent double, he rose, staring at her, and flew at
her with his arms out.
It
seemed he would reach her before she thought what to do. And again, I tried to
step before her, and with a quick shove of her right hand she threw me back
into the human swarm. There were half-naked bodies all around, struggling to
get away from me as I caught my balance.
I spun around
and saw him poised not three feet from her, snarling at her, and trying to
reach her over some invisible and unsurmountable force.
"Die,
damnable one!" she cried out. (I clamped my hands over my ears.) "Go
into the pit of perdition. I create it for you now."
Azim's
head exploded. Smoke and flame poured out of his ruptured skull. His eyes
turned black. With a flash, his entire frame ignited; yet he went down in a
human posture, his fist raised against her, his legs curling as if he meant to
try to stand again. Then his form disappeared utterly in a great orange blaze.
Panic
descended upon the crowd, just as it had upon the rock fans outside the concert
hall when the fires had broken out and Gabrielle and Louis and I had made our
escape.
Yet it
seemed the hysteria here reached a more dangerous pitch. Bodies crashed against
the slender marble pillars. Men and women were crushed instantly as others
rushed over them to the doors.
Akasha
turned full circle, her garments caught in a brief dance of black and white
silk around her; and everywhere human beings were caught as if by invisible
hands and flung to the floor. Their bodies went into convulsions. The women,
looking down at the stricken victims, wailed and tore their hair.
It took
me a moment to realize what was happening, that she was killing the men. It
wasn't fire. It was some invisible attack upon the vital organs. Blood poured
from their ears and their eyes as they expired. Enraged, several of the women
ran at her, only to meet the same fate. The men who attacked her were
vanquished instantly.
Then I
heard her voice inside my head:
Kill
them, Lestat. Slaughter the males to the last one.
I was
paralyzed. I stood beside her, lest one of them get close to her. But they
didn't have a chance. This was beyond nightmare, beyond the stupid horrors to
which I'd been a party all of my accursed life.
Suddenly
she was standing in front of me, grasping my arms. Her soft icy voice had
become an engulfing sound in my brain.
My
prince, my love. You will do this for me. Slaughter the males so that the
legend of their punishment will surpass the legend of the temple. They are the
henchmen of the blood god. The women are helpless. Punish the males in my name.
"Oh,
God help me, please don't ask this of me," I whispered. "They are
pitiful humans!"
The
crowd seemed to have lost its spirit. Those who had run into the rear yard were
trapped. The dead and the mourning lay everywhere around us, while from the
ignorant multitude at the front gates there rose the most piteous pleas.
"Let
them go, Akasha, please," I said to her. Had I ever in my life begged for
anything as I did now? What had these poor beings to do with us?
She
drew closer to me. I couldn't see anything now but her black eyes.
"My
love, this is divine war. Not the loathsome feeding upon human life which you
have done night after night without scheme or reason save to survive. You kill
now in my name and for my cause and I give you the greatest freedom ever given
man: I tell you that to slay your mortal brother is right. Now use the new
power I've given you. Choose your victims one by one, use your invisible
strength or the strength of your hands."
My head
was spinning. Had I this power to make men drop in their tracks? I looked around
me in the smoky chamber where the incense still poured from the censers and
bodies tumbled over one another, men and women embracing each other in terror,
others crawling into corners as if there they would be safe.
"There
is no life for them now, save in the lesson," she said. "Do as I
command."
It
seemed I saw a vision; for surely this wasn't from my heart or mind; I saw a
thin emaciated form rise before me; I gritted my teeth as I glared at it,
concentrating my malice as if it were a laser, and then I saw the victim rise
off his feet and tumble backwards as the blood came out of his mouth. Lifeless,
withered, he fell to the floor. It had been like a spasm; and then as
effortless as shouting, as throwing one's voice out unseen yet powerful, over a
great space.
Yes,
kill them. Strike for the tender organs; rupture them; make the blood flow. You
know that you have always wanted to do it. To kill as if it were nothing, to
destroy without scruple or regret!
It was
true, so true; but it was also forbidden, forbidden as nothing else on earth is
forbidden...
My
love, it is as common as hunger; as common as time. And now you have my power
and command. You and I shall put an end to it through what we will do now.
A young
man rushed at me, crazed, hands out to catch my throat. Kill him. He cursed me
as I drove him backwards with the invisible power, feeling the spasm deep in my
throat and my belly; and then a sudden tightening in the temples; I felt it
touching him, I felt it pouring out of me; I felt it as surely as if I had
penetrated his skull with my fingers and was squeezing his brain. Seeing it
would have been crude; there was no need to see it. All I needed to see was the
blood spurting from his mouth and his ears, and down his naked chest.
Oh, was
she ever right, how I had wanted to do it! How I had dreamed of it in my
earliest mortal years! The sheer bliss of killing them, killing them under all
their names which were the same name-enemy-those who deserved killing,
those who were born for killing, killing with full force, my body turning to
solid muscle, my teeth clenched, my hatred and my invisible strength made one.
In all
directions they ran, but that only further inflamed me. I drove them back, the
power slamming them into the walls. I aimed for the heart with this invisible
tongue and heard the heart when it burst. I turned round and round, directing
it carefully yet instantly at this one, and that one, and then another as he
ran through the doorway, and yet another as he rushed down the corridor, and
yet another as he tore the lamp from its chains and hurled it foolishly at me.
Into
the back rooms of the temple I pursued them, with exhilarating ease through the
heaps of gold and silver, tossing them over on their backs as if with long
invisible fingers, then clamping those invisible fingers on their arteries
until the blood gushed through the bursting flesh.
The
women crowded together weeping; others fled. I heard bones break as I walked
over the bodies. And then I realized that she too was killing them; that we
were doing it together, and the room was now littered with the mutilated and
the dead. A dark, rank smell of blood permeated everything; the fresh cold wind
could not dispel it; the air was filled with soft, despairing cries.
A giant
of a man raced at me, eyes bulging as he tried to stop me with a great curved
sword. In rage I snatched the sword from him and sliced through his neck. Right
through the bone the blade went, breaking as it did so, and head and broken
blade fell at my feet.
I kicked
aside the body. I went in the courtyard and stared at those who shrank from me
in terror. I had no more reason, no more conscience. It was a mindless game to
chase them, corner them, thrust aside the women behind whom they hid, or who
struggled so pitifully to hide them, and aim the power at the right place, to
pump the power at that vulnerable spot until they lay still.
The
front gates! She was calling me. The men in the courtyard were dead; the women
were tearing their hair, sobbing. I walked through the ruined temple, through
the mourners and the dead they mourned. The crowd at the gates was on its knees
in the snow, ignorant of what had gone on inside, voices raised in desperate
entreaty.
Admit
me to the chamber: admit me to the vision and the hunger of the lord.
At the
sight of Akasha, their cries rose in volume. They reached out to touch her
garments as the locks broke and the gates swung open. The wind howled down the
mountain pass; the bell in the tower above gave a faint hollow sound.
Again I
shoved them down, rupturing brains and hearts and arteries. I saw their thin
arms flung out in the snow. The wind itself stank of blood. Akasha's voice cut
through the horrid screams, telling the women to draw back and away and they
would be safe.
Finally
I was killing so fast I couldn't even see it anymore: The males. The males must
die. I was rushing towards completion, that every single male thing that moved
or stirred or moaned should be dead.
Like an
angel I moved on down the winding path, with an invisible sword. And finally
all the way down the cliff they dropped to their knees and waited for death. In
a ghastly passivity they accepted it!
Suddenly
I felt her holding me though she was nowhere near me. I heard her voice in my
head:
Well
done, my prince.
I
couldn't stop. This invisible thing was one of my limbs now. I couldn't
withdraw it and bring it back into myself. It was as if I was poised to take a
breath, and if I did not take that breath I should die. But she held me
motionless, and a great calm was coming over me, as if a drug had been fed into
my veins. Finally I grew still and the power concentrated itself within me and
became part of me and nothing more.
Slowly
I turned around. I looked at the clear snowy peaks, the perfectly black sky,
and at the long line of dark bodies that lay on the path from the temple gates.
The women were clinging to one another, sobbing in disbelief, or giving off low
and terrible moans. I smelled death as I have never smelled it; I looked down
at the bits of flesh and gore that had splashed my garments. But my hands! My
hands were so white and clean. Dear God, I didn't do it! Not me. I didn't.
And my hands, they are clean!
Oh, but
I had! And what am I that I could do it? That I loved it, loved it beyond all reason,
loved it as men have always loved it in the absolute moral freedom of war-
It
seemed a silence had fallen.
If the
women still cried I didn't hear them. I didn't hear the wind either. I was
moving, though why I didn't know. I had dropped down to my knees and I reached
out for the last man I had slain, who was flung like broken sticks in the snow,
and I put my hand into the blood on his mouth and then I smeared this blood all
over both my hands and pressed them to my face.
Never had
I killed in two hundred years that I hadn't tasted the blood, and taken it,
along with the life, into myself. And that was a monstrous thing. But more had
died here in these few ghastly moments than all those I'd ever sent to their
untimely graves. And it had been done with the ease of thought and breath. Oh,
this can never be atoned for! This can never never be justified!
I stood
staring at the snow, through my bloody fingers; weeping and yet hating that as
well. Then gradually I realized that some change had taken place with the
women. Something was happening around me, and I could feel it as if the cold
air had been warmed and the wind had risen and left the steep slope
undisturbed. Then the change seemed to enter into me, subduing my anguish and even
slowing the beat of my heart.
The
crying had ceased. Indeed the women were moving by twos and threes down
the path as if in a trance, stepping over the dead. It seemed that sweet music
was playing, and that the earth had suddenly yielded spring flowers of every
color and description, and that the air was full of perfume.
Yet
these things weren't happening, were they? In a haze of muted colors, the women
passed me, in rags and silks, and dark cloaks. I shook myself all over. I had
to think clearly! This was no time for disorientation. This power and these
dead bodies were no dream and I could not, absolutely could not, yield to this
overwhelming sense of well-being and peace.
"Akasha!"
I whispered.
Then
lifting my eyes, not because I wanted to, but because I had to, I saw her
standing on a far promontory, and the women, young and old, were moving towards
her, some so weak from the cold and from hunger that others had to carry them
over the frozen ground.
A hush
had fallen over all things.
Without
words she began to speak to those assembled before her. It seemed she addressed
them in their own language, or in something quite beyond specific language. I
couldn't tell.
In a
daze, I saw her stretch out her arms to them. Her black hair spilled down on
her white shoulders, and the folds of her long simple gown barely moved in the
soundless wind. It struck me that never in all my life had I beheld anything
quite as beautiful as she was, and it was not merely the sum of her physical
attributes, it was the pure serenity, the essence that I perceived with my
innermost soul. A lovely euphoria came over me as she spoke.
Do not
be afraid, she told them. The bloody reign of your god is over, and now you may
return to the truth.
Soft
anthems rose from the worshipers. Some dipped their foreheads to the ground
before her. And it appeared that this pleased her or at least that she would
allow it.
You
must return now to your villages, she said. You must tell those who knew of the
blood god that he is dead. The Queen of Heaven has destroyed him. The Queen
will destroy all those males who still believe in him. The Queen of Heaven will
bring a new reign of peace on earth. There will be death for the males who have
oppressed you, but you must wait for my sign.
As she
paused the anthems rose again. The Queen of Heaven, the Goddess, the Good
Mother-the old litany sung in a thousand tongues the world over was finding a
new form.
I
shuddered. I made myself shudder. I had to penetrate that spell! It was a trick
of the power, just as the killing had been a trick of the power-something
definable and measurable, yet I remained drugged by the sight of her, and by
the anthems. By the soft embrace of this feeling: all is well; all is as it
should be. We are all safe.
Somewhere,
from the sunlit recesses of my mortal memory a day came back, a day like many
before it, when in the month of May in our village we had crowned a statue of
the Virgin amid banks of sweet-smelling flowers, when we had sung exquisite
hymns. Ah, the loveliness of that moment, when the crown of white lilies had
been lifted to the Virgin's veiled head. I'd gone home that night singing those
hymns. In an old prayer book, I'd found a picture of the Virgin, and it had
filled me with enchantment and wondrous religious fervor such as I felt now.
And
from somewhere deeper in me even, where the sun had never penetrated, came the
realization that if I believed in her and what she was saying, then this
unspeakable thing, this slaughter that I had committed against fragile and helpless
mortals would somehow be redeemed.
You
kill now in my name and for my cause and I give you the greatest freedom ever
given man: I tell you that to slay your brother is right.
"Go
on," she said aloud. "Leave this temple forever. Leave the dead to
the snow and the winds. Tell the people. A new era is coming when those males
who glorify death and killing shall reap their reward; and the era of peace
shall be yours. I will come again to you. I will show you the way. Await my
coming. And I will tell you then what you must do. For now, believe in me and
what you have seen here. And tell others that they too may believe. Let the men
come and see what awaits them. Wait for signs from me."
In a
body they moved to obey her command; they ran down the mountain path towards
those distant worshipers who had fled the massacre; their cries rose thin and
ecstatic in the snowy void.
The
wind gusted through the valley; high on the hill, the temple bell gave another
dull peal. The wind tore at the scant garments of the dead. The snow had begun
to fall, softly and then thickly, covering brown legs and arms and faces, faces
with open eyes. The sense of well-being had dissipated, and all the raw aspects
of the moment were clear and inescapable again. These women, this visitation...
Bodies in the snow! Undeniable displays of power, disruptive and overwhelming.
Then a
soft little sound broke the silence; things shattering in the temple above;
things falling, breaking apart.
I
turned and looked at her. She stood still on the little promontory, the cloak
very loose over her shoulders, her flesh as white as the falling snow. Her eyes
were fixed on the temple. And as the sounds continued, I knew what was
happening within.
Jars of
oil breaking; braziers falling. The soft whisper of cloth exploding into flame.
Finally the smoke rose, thick and black, billowing from the bell tower, and
from over the rear wall-
The
bell tower trembled; a great roaring noise echoed against the far cliffs; and
then the stones broke loose; the tower collapsed. It fell down into the valley,
and the bell, with one final peal, disappeared into the soft white abyss. The
temple was consumed in fire.
I
stared at it, my eyes watering from the smoke that blew down over the path,
carrying with it tiny ashes and bits of soot.
Vaguely,
I was aware that my body wasn't cold despite the snow. That it wasn't tired
from the exertion of killing. Indeed my flesh was whiter than it had been. And
my lungs took in the air so efficiently that I couldn't hear my own breathing;
even my heart was softer, steadier. Only my soul was bruised and sore. For the
first time ever in my life, either mortal or immortal, I was afraid that I
might die. I was afraid that she might destroy me and with reason, because I
simply could not do again what I'd just done. I could not be part of this
design. And I prayed I couldn't be made to do it, that I would have the
strength to refuse. I felt her hands on my shoulders. "Turn and look at
me, Lestat," she said. I did as she asked. And there it was again, the most
seductive beauty I'd ever beheld.
And
I am yours, my love. You are my only true companion, my finest instrument. You
know this, do you not?
Again,
a deliberate shudder. Where in God's name are you, Lestat! Are you going to
shrink from speaking your heart?
"Akasha,
help me," I whispered. "Tell me. Why did you want me to do this, this
killing? What did you mean when you told them that the males would be punished?
That there would be a reign of peace on earth?" How stupid my words sounded.
Looking into her eyes, I could believe she was the goddess. It was as if she
drew my conviction out of me, as if it were merely blood.
I was
quaking suddenly with fear. Quaking. I knew what the word meant for the first time.
I tried to say more but I merely stammered. Finally I blurted it out:
"In
the name of what morality will all this be done?"
"In
the name of my morality!" she answered, the faint little smile as
beautiful as before. "I am the reason, the justification, the right by
which it is done!" Her voice was cold with anger, but her blank, sweet
expression had not changed. "Now, listen to me, beautiful one," she
said. "I love you. You've awakened me from my long sleep and to my great
purpose; it gives me joy merely to look at you, to see the light in your blue
eyes, and to hear the sound of your voice. It would wound me beyond your
understanding of pain to see you die. But as the stars are my witness, you will
aid me in my mission. Or you will be no more than the instrument for the
commencement, as Judas was to Christ. And I shall destroy you as Christ
destroyed Judas once your usefulness is past."
Rage
overcame me. I couldn't help myself. The shift from fear to anger was so fast,
I was boiling inside.
"But
how do you dare to do these things!" I asked. "To send these ignorant
souls abroad with mad lies!"
She
stared at me in silence; it seemed she would strike out at me; her face became
that of a statue again; and I thought, Well, the moment is now. I will die the
way I saw Azim die. I can't save Gabrielle or Louis. I can't save Armand. I
won't fight because it's useless. I won't move when it happens. I'll go deep
into myself, perhaps, if I must run from the pain. I'll find some last illusion
like Baby Jenks did and cling to it until I am no longer Lestat.
She
didn't move. The fires on the hill were burning down. The snow was coming more
thickly and she had become like a ghost standing there in the silent snowfall,
white as the snow was white.
"You
really aren't afraid of anything, are you?" she said.
"I'm
afraid of you," I said.
"Oh,
no, I do not think so."
I
nodded. "I am. And I'll tell you what else I am. Vermin on the face of the
earth. Nothing more than that. A loathsome killer of human beings. But I know
that's what I am! I do not pretend to be what I am not! You have told these
ignorant people that you are the Queen of Heaven! How do you mean to redeem
those words and what they will accomplish among stupid and innocent
minds?"
"Such
arrogance," she said softly. "Such incredible arrogance, and yet I
love you. I love your courage, even your rashness, which has always been your
saving grace. I even love your stupidity. Don't you understand? There is no
promise now that I cannot keep! I shall make the myths over! I am the
Queen of Heaven. And Heaven shall reign on earth finally. I am anything that I
say I am!"
"Oh,
lord, God," whispered.
"Do
not speak those hollow words. Those words that have never meant anything to
anyone! You stand in the presence of the only goddess you will ever know. You
are the only god these people will ever know! Well, you must think like a god
now, my beauty. You must reach for something beyond your selfish little
ambitions. Don't you realize what's taken place?"
I shook
my head. "I don't know anything. I'm going mad."
She
laughed. She threw back her head and laughed. "We are what they dream of,
Lestat. We cannot disappoint them. If we did, the truth implicit in the earth
beneath our feet would be betrayed."
She turned
away from me. She went back up again to the small outcropping of snow-covered
rock where she had stood before. She was looking down into the valley, at the
path that cut along the sheer cliff beneath her, at the pilgrims turning back
now as the fleeing women gave them the word.
I heard
cries echo off the stone face of the mountain. I heard the men dying down
there, as she, unseen, struck them with that power, that great seductive and
easy power. And the women stammering madly of miracles and visions. And then
the wind rose, swallowing everything, it seemed; the great indifferent wind. I
saw her shimmering face for an instant; she came towards me; I thought this is
death again, this is death coming, the woods and the wolves coming, and no
place to hide; and then my eyes closed.
When I
awoke I was in a small house. I didn't know how we'd gotten here, or how long
ago the slaughter in the mountains had been. I'd been drowning in the voices,
and now and then a dream had come to me, a terrible yet familiar dream. I had
seen two red-headed women in this dream. They knelt beside an altar where a body
lay waiting for them to perform some ritual, some crucial ritual. And I'd been
struggling desperately to understand the dream's content, for it seemed that
everything depended upon it; I must not forget it again.
But now
all that faded. The voices, the unwelcome images; the moment pressed in.
The
place where I lay was dark and dirty, and full of foul smells. In little
dwellings all around us, mortals lived in misery, babies crying in hunger, amid
the smell of cooking fires and rancid grease.
There
was war in this place, true war. Not the debacle of the mountainside, but
old-fashioned twentieth-century war. From the minds of the afflicted I caught
it in viscid glimpses-an endless existence of butchery and menace-buses burned,
people trapped inside beating upon the locked windows; trucks exploding, women
and children running from machine gun fire.
I lay
on the floor as if someone had flung me there. And Akasha stood in the doorway,
her cloak wrapped tightly around her, even to her eyes, as she peered out into
the dark.
When I
had climbed to my feet and come up beside her, I saw a mud alley full of
puddles and other small dwellings, some with roofs of tin and others with roofs
of sagging newspaper. Against the filthy walls men slept, wrapped from head to
toe as if in shrouds. But they were not dead; and the rats they sought to avoid
knew it. And the rats nibbled at the wrappings, and the men twitched and jerked
in their sleep.
It was
hot here, and the warmth cooked the stenches of the place-urine, feces, the
vomit of dying children. I could even smell the hunger of the children, as they
cried in spasms. I could smell the deep dank sea smell of the gutters-and the
cesspools.
This
was no village; it was a place of hovels and shacks, of hopelessness. Dead
bodies lay between the dwellings. Disease was rampant; and the old and the sick
sat silent in the dark, dreaming of nothing, or of death perhaps, which was
nothing, as the babies cried.
Down
the alley there came now a tottering child with a swollen belly, screaming as
it rubbed with a small fist its swollen eye.
It
seemed not to see us in the darkness. From door to door it went crying, its
smooth brown skin glistening in the dim flicker of the cooking fires as it
moved away.
"Where
are we?" I asked her.
Astonished,
I saw her turn and lift her hand tenderly to stroke my hair and my face. Relief
washed through me. But the raw suffering of this place was too great for that
relief to matter. So she had not destroyed me; she had brought me to hell. What
was the purpose? All around me I felt the misery, the despair. What could alter
the suffering of these abject people?
"My
poor warrior," she said. Her eyes were full of blood tears. "Don't
you know where we are?"
I
didn't answer.
She
spoke slowly, close to my ear. "Shall I recite the poetry of names?"
she asked. "Calcutta, if you wish, or Ethiopia; or the streets of Bombay;
these poor souls could be the peasants of Sri Lanka; of Pakistan; of Nicaragua,
of El Salvador. It does not matter what it is; it matters how much there is of
it; that all around the oases of your shining Western cities it exists; it is
three-fourths of the world! Open your ears, my darling; listen to their
prayers; listen to the silence of those who've learned to pray for nothing. For
nothing has always been their portion, whatever the name of their nation, their
city, their tribe."
We
walked out together into the mud street; past piles of dung and filthy puddles
and the starving dogs that came forth, and the rats that darted across our
path. Then we came to the ruins of an ancient palace. Reptiles slithered among
the stones. The blackness swarmed with gnats. Derelicts slept in a long row
beside a running gutter. Beyond in the swamp, bodies rotted, bloated and
forgotten.
Far
away on the highway, the trucks passed, sending their rumble through the
stifling heat like thunder. The misery of the place was like a gas, poisoning
me as I stood there. This was the ragged edge of the savage garden of the world
in which hope could not flower. This was a sewer.
"But
what can we do?" I whispered. "Why have we come here?" Again, I
was distracted by her beauty, the look of compassion that suddenly infected her
and made me want to weep.
"We
can reclaim the world," she said, "as I've told you. We can make the
myths real; and the time will come when this will be a myth, that humans ever
knew such degradation. We shall see to that, my love."
"But
this is for them to solve, surely. It isn't only their obligation, it's their
right. How can we aid in such a thing? How can our interference not lead to
catastrophe?"
"We
shall see that it does not," she said calmly. "Ah, but you don't
begin to comprehend. You don't realize the strength we now possess. Nothing can
stop us. But you must watch now. You are not ready and I would not push you
again. When you kill again for me you must have perfect faith and perfect
conviction. Be assured that I love you and I know that a heart can't be
educated in the space of a night. But learn from what you see and
hear."
She
went back out in the street. For one moment she was merely a frail figure,
moving through the shadows. Then suddenly I could hear beings roused in the
tiny hovels all around us, and I saw the women and children emerge. Around me
the sleeping forms began to stir. I shrank back into the dark.
I was
trembling. I wanted desperately to do something, to beg her to have patience!
But
again that sense of peace descended, that spell of perfect happiness, and I was
traveling back through the years to the little French church of my childhood as
the hymns began. Through my tears I saw the shining altar. I saw the icon of
the Virgin, a gleaming square of gold above the flowers; I heard the Aves
whispered as if they were a charm. Under the arches of Notre Dame de Paris I
heard the priests singing "Salve Regina."
Her
voice came, clear, inescapable as it had been before, as if it were inside my
brain. Surely the mortals heard it with the same irresistible power. The
command itself was without words; and the essence was beyond dispute-that a new
order was to begin, a new world in which the abused and injured would know peace
and justice finally. The women and the children were exhorted to rise, and to
slay all males within this village. All males save one in a hundred should be
killed, and all male babies save one in a hundred should also be slaughtered
immediately. Peace on earth would follow once this had been done far and wide;
there would be no more war; there would be food and plenty.
I was
unable to move, or to voice my terror. In panic I heard the frenzied cries of
the women. Around me, the sleeping derelicts rose from their wrappings, only to
be driven back against the walls, dying as I had seen the men die in Azim's
temple.
The
street rang with cries. In clouded flashes, I saw people running; I saw the men
rushing out of the houses, only to drop in the mud. On the distant road the
trucks went up in flames, wheels screeching as the drivers lost control. Metal
was hurled against metal. Gas tanks exploded; the night was full of magnificent
light. Rushing from house to house, the women surrounded the men and beat them
with any weapon they could find. Had the village of shanties and hovels ever
known such vitality as it did now in the name of death?
And
she, the Queen of Heaven, had risen and was hovering above the tin rooftops, a
stark delicate figure burning against the clouds as if made of white flame.
I
closed my eyes and turned towards the wall, fingers clutching at the crumbling
rock. To think that we were solid as this, she and I. Yet not of it. No, never of
it. And we did not belong here! We had no right.
But
even as I wept, I felt the soft embrace of the spell again; the sweet drowsy
sensation of being surrounded by flowers, of slow music with its inevitable and
enthralling rhythm. I felt the warm air as it passed into my lungs; I felt the
old stone tiles beneath my feet.
Soft
green hills stretched out before me in hallucinatory perfection-a world without
war or deprivation in which women roamed free and unafraid, women who even
under provocation would shrink from the common violence that lurks in the heart
of every man.
Against
my will I lingered in this new world, ignoring the thud of bodies hitting the
wet earth, and the final curses and cries of those who were being killed.
In
great dreamy flashes, I saw whole cities transformed; I saw streets without
fear of the predatory and the senselessly destructive; streets in which beings
moved without urgency or desperation. Houses were no longer fortresses; gardens
no longer needed their walls.
"Oh,
Marius, help me," I whispered, even as the sun poured down on the
tree-lined pathways and endless green fields. "Please, please help
me."
And
then another vision shocked me, crowding out the spell. I saw fields again, but
there was no sunlight; this was a real place somewhere-and I was looking
through the eyes of someone or something walking in a straight line with strong
strides at incredible speed. But who was this someone? What was this being's
destination? Now, this vision was being sent; it was powerful, refusing to be
ignored. But why?
It was
gone as quickly as it had come.
I was
back in the crumbling palace arcade, among the scattered dead; staring through
the open archway at the rushing figures; hearing the high-pitched cries of
victory and jubilation,
Come
out, my warrior, where they can see you. Come to me.
She
stood before me with her arms extended. God, what did they think they were
seeing? For a moment I didn't move, then I went towards her, stunned and
compliant, feeling the eyes of the women, their worshipful gaze. They fell down
on their knees as she and I came together. I felt her hand close too tightly; I
felt my heart thudding. Akasha, this is a lie, a terrible lie. And the evil
sown here will flourish for a century.
Suddenly
the world tilted. We weren't standing on the ground anymore. She had me in her
embrace and we were rising over the tin roofs, and the women below were bowing
and waving their arms, and touching their foreheads to the mud.
"Behold
the miracle, behold the Mother, behold the Mother and her Angel..."
Then in
an instant, the village was a tiny scattering of silver roofs far below us, all
that misery alchemized into images, and we were traveling once again on the
wind.
I
glanced back, trying in vain to recognize the specific location-the dark
swamps, the lights of the nearby city, the thin strip of road where the
overturned trucks still burned. But she was right, it really didn't matter.
Whatever
was going to happen had now begun, and I did not know what could possibly stop
it.
All
eyes were fixed on Maharet as she paused. Then she began again, her words
seemingly spontaneous, though they came slowly and were carefully pronounced.
She seemed not sad, but eager to reexamine what she meant to describe.
"Now,
when I say that my sister and I were witches, I mean this: we inherited from
our mother-as she had from her mother-the power to communicate with the
spirits, to get them to do our bidding in small and significant ways. We could
feel the presence of the spirits-which are in the main invisible to human
eyes-and the spirits were drawn to us.
"And
those with such powers as we had were greatly revered amongst our people, and
sought after for advice and miracles and glimpses into the future, and
occasionally for putting the spirits of the dead to rest. "What I am
saying is that we were perceived as good; and we had our place in the scheme of
things.
"There
have always been witches, as far as I know. And there are witches now, though
most no longer understand what their powers are or how to use them. Then there
are those known as clairvoyants or mediums, or channelers. Or even psychic
detectives. It is all the same thing. These are people who for reasons we may
never understand attract spirits. Spirits find them downright irresistible; and
to get the notice of these people, the spirits will do all kinds of tricks.
"As
for the spirits themselves, I know that you're curious about their nature and
properties, that you did not-all of you-believe the story in Lestat's book
about how the Mother and the Father were made. I'm not sure that Marius himself
believed it, when he was told the old story, or when he passed it on to
Lestat."
Marius
nodded. Already he had numerous questions. But Maharet gestured for patience.
"Bear with me," she said. "I will tell you all we knew of the
spirits then, which is the same as what I know of them now. Understand of
course that others may use a different name for these entities. Others may
define them more in the poetry of science than I will do.
"The
spirits spoke to us only telepathically; as I have said, they were invisible;
but their presence could be felt; they had distinct personalities, and our
family of witches had over many generations given them various names.
"We
divided them as sorcerers have always done into the good and the evil; but
there is no evidence that they themselves have a sense of right and wrong. The
evil spirits were those who were openly hostile to human beings and who liked
to play malicious tricks such as the throwing of stones, the making of wind,
and other such pesty things. Those who possess humans are often 'evil' spirits;
those who haunt houses and are called poltergeists fall into this category, too.
"The
good spirits could love, and wanted by and large to be loved as well. Seldom
did they think up mischief on their own. They would answer questions about the
future; they would tell us what was happening in other, remote places; and for
very powerful witches such as my sister and me, for those whom the good spirits
really loved, they would do their greatest and most taxing trick: they would
make the rain.
"But
you can see from what I'm saying that labels such as good and evil were
self-serving. The good spirits were useful; the bad spirits were dangerous and
nerve-wracking. To pay attention to the bad spirits-to invite them to hang
about-was to court disaster, because ultimately they could not be controlled.
"There
was also abundant evidence that what we called bad spirits envied us that we
were fleshly and also spiritual-that we had the pleasures and powers of the
physical while possessing spiritual minds. Very likely, this mixture of flesh
and spirit in human beings makes all spirits curious; it is the source of our
attraction for them; but it rankles the bad spirits; the bad spirits would know
sensuous pleasure, it seems; yet they cannot. The good spirits did not evince
such dissatisfaction.
"Now,
as to where these spirits came from-they used to tell us that they had always
been here. They would brag that they had watched human beings change from
animals into what they were. We didn't know what they meant by such remarks. We
thought they were being playful or just lying. But now, the study of human
evolution makes it obvious that the spirits had witnessed this development. As
for questions about their nature-how they were made or by whom-well, these they
never answered. I don't think they understood what we were asking. They seemed
insulted by the questions or even slightly afraid, or even thought the
questions were humorous.
"I
suspect that someday the scientific nature of spirits will be known. I suspect
that they are matter and energy in sophisticated balance as is everything else
in our universe, and that they are no more magical than electricity or radio
waves, or quarks or atoms, or voices over the telephone-the things that seemed
supernatural only two hundred years ago. In fact the poetry of modern science
has helped me to understand them in retrospect better than any other
philosophical tool. Yet I cling to my old language rather instinctively.
"It
was Mekare's contention that she could now and then see them, and that they had
tiny cores of physical matter and great bodies of whirling energy which she
compared to storms of lightning and wind. She said there were creatures in the
sea which were equally exotic in their organization; and insects who resembled
the spirits, too. It was always at night that she saw their physical bodies,
and they were never visible for more than a second, and usually only when the
spirits were in a rage.
"Their
size was enormous, she said, but then they said this too. They told us we could
not imagine how big they were; but then they love to brag; one must constantly
sort from their statements the part which makes sense.
"That
they exert great force upon the physical world is beyond doubt. Otherwise how
could they move objects as they do in poltergeist hauntings? And how could they
have brought together the clouds to make the rain? Yet very little is really
accomplished by them for all the energy they expend. And that was a key,
always, to controlling them. There is only so much they can do, and no more,
and a good witch was someone who understood that perfectly.
"Whatever
their material makeup is, they have no apparent biological needs, these
entities. They do not age; they do not change. And the key to understanding
their childish and whimsical behavior lies in this. They have no need to
do anything; they drift about unaware of time, for there is no physical reason
to care about it, and they do whatever strikes the fancy. Obviously they see
our world; they are part of it; but how it looks to them I can't guess.
"Why
witches attract them or interest them I don't know either. But that's the crux
of it; they see the witch, they go to her, make themselves known to her, and
are powerfully flattered when they are noticed; and they do her bidding in
order to get more attention; and in some cases, in order to be loved.
"And
as this relationship progresses, they are made for the love of the witch to
concentrate on various tasks. It exhausts them but it also delights them to see
human beings so impressed.
"But
imagine now, how much fun it is for them to listen to prayers and try to answer
them, to hang about altars and make thunder after sacrifices are offered up.
When a clairvoyant calls upon the spirit of a dead ancestor to speak to his
descendants, they are quite thrilled to start chattering away in pretense of
being the dead ancestor, though of course they are not that person; and they
will telepathically extract information from the brains of the descendants in
order to delude them all the more.
"Surely
all of you know the pattern of their behavior. It's no different now than it
was in our time. But what is different is the attitude of human beings to what
spirits do; and that difference is crucial.
"When
a spirit in these times haunts a house and makes predictions through the vocal
cords of a five-year-old child, no one much believes it except those who see
and hear it. It does not become the foundation of a great religion.
"It
is as if the human species has grown immune to such things; it has evolved
perhaps to a higher stage where the antics of spirits no longer befuddle it.
And though religions linger-old religions which became entrenched in darker
times-they are losing their influence among the educated very rapidly.
"But
I'll say more on this later on. Let me continue now to define the properties of
a witch, as such things relate to me and my sister, and to what happened to us.
"It
was an inherited thing in our family. It may be physical for it seemed to run
in our family line through the women and to be coupled invariably with the
physical attributes of green eyes and red hair. As all of you know-as you've
come to learn in one way or another since you entered this house-my child,
Jesse, was a witch. And in the Talamasca she used her powers often to comfort
those who were plagued by spirits and ghosts.
"Ghosts,
of course, are spirits too. But they are without question spirits of those who
have been human on earth; whereas the spirits I have been speaking of are not. However,
one can never be too sure on this point. A very old earthbound ghost could
forget that he had ever been alive; and possibly the very malevolent spirits
are ghosts; and that is why they hunger so for the pleasures of the flesh; and
when they possess some poor human being they belch obscenities. For them, the
flesh is filth and they would have men and women believe that erotic pleasures
and malice are equally dangerous and evil.
"But
the fact is, given the way spirits lie-if they don't want to tell you-there's
no way to know why they do what they do. Perhaps their obsession with the
erotic is merely something abstracted from the minds of men and women who have
always felt guilty about such things.
"To
return to the point, it was mostly the women in our family who were witches. In
other families it passes through both men and women. Or it can appear
full-blown in a human being for reasons we can't grasp.
"Be
that as it may, ours was an old, old family of witches. We could count witches
back fifty generations, to what was called The Time Before the Moon. That is,
we claimed to have lived in the very early period of earth history before the
moon had come into the night sky.
"The
legends of our people told of the coming of the moon, and the floods, storms,
and earthquakes that attended it. Whether such a thing really happened I don't
know. We also believed that our sacred stars were the Pleiades, or the Seven
Sisters, that all blessings came from that constellation, but why, I never knew
or cannot remember.
"I
talk of old myths now, beliefs that were old before I was born. And those who
commune with spirits become for obvious reasons rather skeptical of things.
"Yet
science even now cannot deny or verify the tales of The Time Before the Moon.
The coming of the moon-its subsequent gravitational pull-has been used
theoretically to explain the shifting of the polar caps and the late ice ages.
Maybe there was truth in the old stories, truths that will someday be clarified
for us all.
"Whatever
the case, ours was an old line. Our mother had been a powerful witch to whom
the spirits told numerous secrets, reading men's minds as they do. And she had
a great effect upon the restless spirits of the dead.
"In
Mekare and me, it seemed her power had been doubled, as is often true with
twins. That is, each of us was twice as powerful as our mother. As for the
power we had together, it was incalculable. We talked to the spirits when we
were in the cradle. We were surrounded by them when we played. As twins, we
developed our own secret language, which not even our mother understood. But
the spirits knew it. The spirits would understand anything we said to them;
they could even speak our secret language back to us.
"Understand,
I don't tell you all this out of pride. That would be absurd. I tell you so
that you will grasp what we were to each other and to our own people before the
soldiers of Akasha and Enkil came into our land. I want you to understand why
this evil-this making of the blood drinkers-eventually happened!
"We
were a great family. We had lived in the caves of Mount Carmel for as long as
anybody knew. And our people had always built their encampments on the valley
floor at the foot of the mountain. They lived by herding goats and sheep. And
now and then they hunted; and they grew a few crops, for the making of the
hallucinogenic drugs we took to make trances-this was part of our religion-and
also for the making of beer. They cut down the wild wheat which grew then in
profusion.
"Small
round mud-brick houses with thatched roofs made up our village, but there were
others which had grown into small cities, and some in which all the houses were
entered from the roofs.
"Our
people made a highly distinctive pottery which they took to the markets of
Jericho for trade. From there they brought back lapis lazuli, ivory, incense,
and mirrors of obsidian and other such fine things. Of course we knew of many
other cities, vast and beautiful as Jericho, cities which are now buried
completely under the earth and which may never be found.
"But
by and large we were simple people. We knew what writing was-that is, the
concept of it. But it did not occur to us to use such a thing, as words had a
great power and we would not have dared to write our names, or curses or truths
that we knew. If a person had your name, he could call on the spirits to curse
you; he could go out of his body in a trance and travel to where you were. Who
could know what power you would put into his hands if he could write your name
on stone or papyrus?
Even
for those who weren't afraid, it was distasteful at the very least.
"And
in the large cities, writing was largely used for financial records which we of
course could keep in our heads.
"In
fact, all knowledge among our people was committed to memory; the priests who
sacrificed to the bull god of our people- in whom we did not believe, by the
way-committed his traditions and beliefs to memory and taught them to the young
priests by rote and by verse. Family histories were told from memory, of
course.
"We
did however paint pictures; they covered the walls of the bull shrines in the
village.
"And
my family, living in the caves on Mount Carmel as we had always, covered our
secret grottoes with paintings which no one saw but us. Therein we kept a kind
of record. But this was done with caution. I never painted or drew the image of
myself, for example, until after catastrophe had struck and I and my sister
were the things which we all are.
"But
to return to our people, we were peaceful; shepherds, sometime craftsmen,
sometime traders, no more, no less. When the armies of Jericho went to war,
sometimes our young men joined them; but that was what they wanted to do. They
wanted to be young men of adventure, and to be soldiers and know glory of that
sort. Others went to the cities, to see the great markets, the majesty of the
courts, or the splendor of the temples. And some went to ports of the
Mediterranean to see the great merchant ships. But for the most part life went
on in our villages as it had for many centuries without change. And Jericho
protected us, almost indifferently, because it was the magnet which drew an
enemy's force unto itself.
"Never,
never, did we hunt men to eat their flesh! This was not our custom! And I
cannot tell you what an abomination such cannibalism would have been to us, the
eating of enemy flesh. Because we were cannibals, and the eating of the flesh
had a special significance-we ate the flesh of our dead."
Maharet
paused for a moment as if she wanted the significance of these words to be
plain to all.
Marius
saw the image again of the two red-haired women kneeling before the funeral
feast. He felt the warm midday stillness, and the solemnity of the moment. He
tried to clear his mind and see only Maharet's face.
"Understand,"
Maharet said. "We believed that the spirit left the body at death; but we
also believed that the residue of all living things contains some tiny amount
of power after life itself is gone. For example, a man's personal belongings
retain some bit of his vitality; and the body and bones, surely. And of course
when we consumed the flesh of our dead this residue, so to speak, would be
consumed as well.
"But
the real reason we ate the dead was out of respect. It was in our view the
proper way to treat the remains of those we loved. We took into ourselves the
bodies of those who'd given us life, the bodies from which our bodies had come.
And so a cycle was completed. And the sacred remains of those we loved were
saved from the awful horror of putrefaction within the earth, or from being
devoured by wild beasts, or burnt as if they were fuel or refuse.
"There
is a great logic to it if you think on it. But the important thing to realize
is that it was part and parcel of us as a people. The sacred duty of every
child was to consume the remains of his parents; the sacred duty of the tribe
was to consume the dead.
"Not
a single man, woman, or child died in our village whose body was not consumed
by kith or kin. Not a single man, woman, or child of our village had not
consumed the flesh of the dead."
Again,
Maharet paused, her eyes sweeping the group slowly before she went on.
"Now,
it was not a time of great wars," she said. "Jericho had been at
peace for as long as anyone could remember. And Nineveh had been at peace as
well.
"But
far away, to the southwest in the Nile Valley, the savage people of that land
made war as they had always done upon the jungle peoples south of them so that they
might bring back captives for their spits and pots. For not only did they
devour their own dead with all proper respect as we did, they ate the bodies of
their enemies; they gloried in it. They believed the strength of the enemy went
into their bodies when they consumed his flesh. Also they liked the taste of
the flesh.
"We
scorned what they did, for the reasons I've explained. How could anyone want
the flesh of an enemy? But perhaps the crucial difference between us and the
warlike dwellers of the Nile Valley was not that they ate their enemies, but
that they were warlike and we were peaceful. We did not have any enemies.
"Now,
about the time that my sister and I reached our sixteenth year, a great change
occurred in the Nile Valley. Or so we were told.
"The
aging Queen of that realm died without a daughter to carry on the royal blood.
And amongst many ancient peoples the royal blood went only through the female
line. Since no male can ever be certain of the paternity of his wife's child,
it was the Queen or the Princess who brought with her the divine right to the
throne. This is why Egyptian pharaohs of a later age often married their
sisters. It was to secure their royal right.
"And
so it would have been with this young King Enkil if he had had a sister, but he
did not. He did not even have a royal cousin or aunt to marry. But he was young
and strong and determined to rule his land. Finally, he settled upon a new
bride, not from his own people, but from those of the city of Uruk in the
Tigris and Euphrates Valley.
"And
this was Akasha, a beauty of the royal family, and a worshiper of the great
goddess Inanna, and one who could bring into Enkil's kingdom the wisdom of her
land. Or so the gossip went in the marketplaces of Jericho and Nineveh and with
the caravans that came to trade for our wares.
"Now
the people of the Nile were farmers already, but they tended to neglect this to
hunt to make war for human flesh. And this horrified the beautiful Akasha, who
set about at once to turn them away from this barbaric habit as possibly anyone
of higher civilization might do.
"She
probably also brought with her writing, as the people of Uruk had it-they were
great keepers of records-but as writing was something largely scorned by us, I
do not know this for sure. Perhaps the Egyptians had already begun to write on
their own.
"You
cannot imagine the slowness with which such things affect a culture. Records of
taxation might be kept for generations before anyone commits to a clay tablet
the words of a poem. Peppers and herbs might be cultivated by a tribe for two
hundred years before anyone thinks to grow wheat or corn. As you know, the
Indians of South America had toys with wheels when the Europeans swept down
upon them; and jewelry they had, made of metal. But they had no wheels in use
in any other form whatsoever; and they did not use metal for their weapons. And
so they were defeated by the Europeans almost at once.
"Whatever
the case, I don't know the full story of the knowledge Akasha brought with her
from Uruk. I do know that our people heard great gossip about the ban upon all
cannibalism in the Nile Valley, and how those who disobeyed were cruelly put to
death. The tribes who had hunted for flesh for generations were infuriated that
they could no longer enjoy this sport; but even greater was the fury of all the
people that they could not eat their own dead. Not to hunt, that was one thing,
but to commit one's ancestors to the earth was a horror to them as it would
have been.
"So
in order that Akasha's edict would be obeyed, the King decreed that all the
bodies of the dead must be treated with unguents and wrapped up. Not only could
one not eat the sacred flesh of mother or father, but it must be secured in
linen wrappings at great expense, and these intact bodies must be displayed for
all to see, and then placed in tombs with proper offerings and incantation of
the priest.
"The
sooner the wrapping was done the better; because no one could then get to the
flesh.
"And
to further assist the people in this new observance, Akasha and Enkil convinced
them that the spirits of the dead would fare better in the realm to which they
had gone if their bodies were preserved in these wrappings on earth. In other
words, the people were told, 'Your beloved ancestors are not neglected; rather
they are well kept.'
"We
thought it was very amusing when we heard it-wrapping the dead and putting them
away in furnished rooms above or below the desert sand. We thought it amusing
that the spirits of the dead should be helped by the perfect maintenance of
their bodies on earth. For as anyone knows who has ever communicated with the
dead, it is better that they forget their bodies; it is only when they
relinquish their earthly image that they can rise to the higher plane.
"And
now in Egypt in the tombs of the very rich and very religious, there lay these
things-these mummies in which the flesh rotted away.
"If
anyone had told us that this custom of mummification would become entrenched in
that culture, that for four thousand years the Egyptians would practice it,
that it would become a great and enduring mystery to the entire world-that
little children in the twentieth century would go into museums to gaze at
mummies-we would not have believed such a thing.
"However,
it did not matter to us, really. We were very far from the Nile Valley. We
could not even imagine what these people were like. We knew their religion had
come out of Africa, that they worshiped the god Osiris, and the sun god, Ra,
and animal gods as well. But we really didn't understand these people. We
didn't understand their land of inundation and desert. When we held in our
hands fine objects which they had made, we knew some faint shimmer of their
personalities, but it was alien. We felt sorry for them that they could not eat
their dead.
"When
we asked the spirits about them, the spirits seemed mightily amused by the
Egyptians. They said the Egyptians had 'nice voices' and 'nice words' and that
it was pleasurable to visit their temples and altars; they liked the Egyptian
tongue. Then they seemed to lose interest in the question, and to drift off as
was often the case.
"What
they said fascinated us but it didn't surprise us. We knew how the spirits
liked our words and our chants and our songs. So the spirits were playing gods
there for the Egyptians. The spirits did that sort of thing all the time.
"As
the years passed, we heard that Enkil, to unite his kingdom and stop the
rebellion and resistance of the die-hard cannibals, had made a great army and
embarked on conquests to north and south. He had launched ships in the great
sea. It was an old trick: get them all to fight an enemy and they'll stop
quarreling at home.
"But
again, what had this to do with us? Ours was a land of serenity and beauty, of
laden fruit trees and fields of wild wheat free for anyone to cut with the
scythe. Ours was a land of green grass and cool breezes. But there wasn't
anything that anyone would want to take from us. Or so we believed.
"My
sister and I continued to live in perfect peace on the gentle slopes of Mount
Carmel, often speaking to our mother and to each other silently, or with a few
private words, which we understood perfectly; and learning from our mother all
she knew of the spirits and men's hearts.
"We
drank the dream potions made by our mother from the plants we grew on the
mountain, and in our trances and dream states, we traveled back into the past
and spoke with our ancestors-very great witches whose names we knew. In sum, we
lured the spirits of these ancient ones back to earth long enough to give us
some knowledge. We also traveled out of our bodies and high over the land.
"I
could spend these hours telling what we saw in these trances; how once Mekare
and I walked hand in hand through the streets of Nineveh, gazing on wonders
which we had not imagined; but these things are not important now.
"Let
me say only what the company of the spirits meant to the soft harmony in which
we lived with all living things around us and with the spirits; and how at
moments, the love of the spirits was palpable to us, as Christian mystics have
described the love of God or his saints, "We lived in bliss together, my
sister and I and our mother. The caves of our ancestors were warm and dry; and
we had all things that we needed-fine robes and jewelry and lovely combs of
ivory and sandals of leather-brought to us by the people as offerings, for no
one ever paid us for what we did.
"And
every day the people of our village came to consult with us, and we would put
their questions to the spirits. We would try to see the future, which of course
the spirits can do after a fashion, insofar as certain things tend to follow an
inevitable course.
"We
looked into minds with our telepathic power and we gave the best wisdom that we
could. Now and then those possessed were brought to us. And we drove out the
demon, or the bad spirit, for that is all it was. And when a house was
bedeviled, we went there and ordered the bad spirit away.
"We
gave the dream potion to those who requested it. And they would fall into the
trance, or sleep and dream heavily in vivid images, which we sought then to
interpret or explain.
"For
this we didn't really need the spirits though sometimes we sought their
particular advice. We used our own powers of understanding and deep vision, and
often the information handed down to us, as to what various images mean.
"But
our greatest miracle-which took all our power to accomplish, and which we could
never guarantee-was the bringing down of the rain.
"Now,
in two basic ways we worked this miracle-'little rain,' which was largely
symbolic and a demonstration of power and a great healing thing for our
people's souls. Or 'big rain,' which was needed for the crops, and which was
very hard, indeed, to do if we could do it at all.
"Both
required a great wooing of the spirits, a great calling of their names, and
demanding that they come together and concentrate and use their force at our
command. 'Little rain' was often done by our most familiar spirits, those who
loved Mekare and me most particularly, and had loved our mother and her mother,
and all our ancestors before us, and could always be counted upon to do hard
tasks out of love.
"But
many spirits were required for 'big rain' and since some of these spirits
seemed to loathe each other and to loathe cooperation, a great deal of flattery
had to be thrown into the bargain. We had to do chants, and a great dance. For
hours, we worked at it as the spirits gradually took interest, came together,
became enamored of the idea, and then finally set to work.
"Mekare
and I were able to accomplish 'big rain' only three times. But what a lovely
thing it was to see the clouds gather over the valley, to see the great blinding
sheets of rain descend. All our people ran out into the downpour; the land
itself seemed to swell, to open, to give thanks.
"
'Little rain' we did often; we did it for others, we did it for joy.
"But
it was the making of 'big rain' that really spread our fame far and wide. We had
always been known as the witches of the mountain; but now people came to us
from the cities of the far north, from lands whose names we didn't know.
"Men
waited their turn in the village to come to the mountain and drink the potion
and have us examine their dreams. They waited their turn to seek our counsel or
sometimes merely to see us. And of course our village served them meat and
drink and took an offering for this, and all profited, or so it seemed. And in
this regard what we did was not so different from what doctors of psychology do
in this century; we studied images; we interpreted them; we sought for some
truth from the subconscious mind; and the miracles of 'little rain' and 'big
rain' merely bolstered the faith of others in our abilities.
"One
day, half a year I think before our mother was to die, a letter came into our
hands. A messenger had brought it from the King and Queen of Kemet, which was
the land of Egypt as the Egyptians called it themselves. It was a letter
written on a clay tablet as they wrote in Jericho and Nineveh, and there were
little pictures in the clay, and the beginnings of what men would later call
cuneiform.
"Of
course we could not read it; in fact, we found it frightening, and thought that
it might be a curse. We did not want to touch it, but touch it we had to do if
we were to understand anything about it that we should know.
"The
messenger said that his sovereigns Akasha and Enkil had heard of our great
power and would be honored if we would visit at their court; they had sent a
great escort to accompany us to Kemet, and they would send us home with great
gifts.
"We
found ourselves, all three, distrustful of this messenger. He was speaking the
truth as far as he knew it, but there was more to the whole thing.
"So
our mother took the clay tablet into her hands. Immediately, she felt something
from it, something which passed through her fingers and gave her great
distress. At first she wouldn't tell us what she had seen; then taking us aside,
she said that the King and Queen of Kemet were evil, great shedders of blood,
and very disregarding of others' beliefs. And that a terrible evil would come
to us from this man and woman, no matter what the writing said.
"Then
Mekare and I touched the letter and we too caught the presentiment of evil. But
there was a mystery here, a dark tangle, and caught up with the evil was an
element of courage and what seemed good. In sum this was no simple plot to
steal us and our power; there was some genuine curiosity and respect.
"Finally
we asked the spirits-those two spirits which Mekare and I most loved. They came
near to us and they read the letter which was a very easy thing for them to do.
They said that the messenger had told the truth. But some terrible danger would
come to us if we were to go to the King and Queen of Kemet.
"
'Why?' we asked the spirits.
"
'Because the King and Queen will ask you questions, the spirits answered, 'and if
you answer truthfully, which you will, the King and Queen will be angry with
you, and you will be destroyed.'
"Of
course we would never have gone to Egypt anyway. We didn't leave our mountain.
But now we knew for sure that we must not. We told the messenger with all
respect that we could not leave the place where we had been born, that no witch
of our family had ever left here, and we begged him to tell this to the King
and Queen.
"And
so the messenger left and life returned to its normal routine.
"Except
that several nights later, an evil spirit came to us, one which we called Amel.
Enormous, powerful, and full of rancor, this thing danced about the clearing
before our cave trying to get Mekare and me to take notice of him, and telling
us that we might soon need his help.
"We
were long used to the blandishments of evil spirits; it made them furious that
we would not talk to them as other witches and wizards might. But we knew these
entities to be untrustworthy and uncontrollable and we had never been tempted
to use them and thought that we never would.
"This
Amel, in particular, was maddened by our 'neglect' of him, as he called it. And
he declared over and over again that he was 'Amel, the powerful,' and 'Amel,
the invincible,' and we should show him some respect. For we might have great
need of him in the future. We might need him more than we could imagine, for
trouble was coming our way.
"At
this point, our mother came out of the cave and demanded of this spirit what
was this trouble that he saw.
"This
shocked us because we had always been forbidden by her to speak to evil
spirits; and when she had spoken to them it was always to curse them or drive
them away; or to confuse them with riddles and trick questions so that they got
angry, felt stupid, and gave up.
"Amel,
the terrible, the evil, the overwhelming-whatever he called himself, and his
boasting was endless-declared only that great trouble was coming and we should
pay him the proper respect if we were wise. He then bragged of all the evil he
had worked for the wizards of Nineveh. That he could torment people, bedevil
them, and even prick them as if he were a swarm of gnats! He could draw blood
from humans, he declared; and he liked the taste of it; and he would draw blood
for us.
"My
mother laughed at him. 'How could you do such a thing?' she demanded. 'You are
a spirit; you have no body; you can taste nothing!' she said. And this is the
sort of language which always made spirits furious, for they envy us the flesh,
as I've said.
"Well,
this spirit, to demonstrate his power, came down upon our mother like a gale;
and immediately her good spirits fought him and there was a terrible commotion
over the clearing, but when it had died away and Amel had been driven back by
our guardian spirits, we saw that there were tiny pricks upon our mother's
hand. Amel, the evil one, had drawn blood from her, exactly as he had said he
would-as if a swarm of gnats had tormented her with little bites.
"My
mother looked at these tiny pinprick wounds; the good spirits went mad to see
her treated with such disrespect, but she told them to be still. Silently she
pondered this thing, how it could be possible, and how this spirit might taste
the blood that he had drawn.
"And
it was then that Mekare explained her vision that these spirits had
infinitesimal material cores at the very center of their great invisible
bodies, and it was possibly through this core that the spirit tasted the blood.
Imagine, Mekare said, the wick of a lamp, but a tiny thing within a flame. The
wick might absorb blood. And so it was with the spirit who appeared to be all
flame but had that tiny wick in it.
"Our
mother was scornful but she did not like this thing. She said ironically that the
world was full of wonders enough without evil spirits with a taste for blood.
'Be gone, Amel,' she said, and laid curses on him, that he was trivial,
unimportant, did not matter, was not to be recognized, and might as well blow
away. In other words the things she always said to get rid of pesty spirits-the
things which priests say even now in slightly different form when they seek to
exorcise children who are possessed.
"But
what worried our mother more than Amel's antics was his warning, that evil was coming
our way. It deepened the distress she had felt when she took hold of the
Egyptian tablet. Yet she did not ask the good spirits for comfort or advice.
Maybe she knew better than to ask them. But this I can never know. Whatever was
the case, our mother knew something was going to happen, and clearly she felt
powerless to prevent it. Perhaps she understood that sometimes, when we seek to
prevent disaster, we play into its hands.
"Whatever
was the truth of it, she grew sick in the days that followed, then weak, and
then unable to speak.
"For
months she lingered, paralyzed, half asleep. We sat by her night and day and
sang to her. We brought flowers to her and we tried to read her thoughts. The
spirits were in a terrible state of agitation as they loved her. And they made
the wind blow on the mountain; they tore the leaves from the trees.
"All
the village was in sorrow. Then one morning the thoughts of our mother took
shape again; but they were fragments. We saw sunny fields and flowers and
images of things she'd known in childhood; and then only brilliant colors and
little more.
"We
knew our mother was dying, and the spirits knew it. We did our best to calm
them, but some of them had gone into a rage. When she died, her ghost would
rise and pass through the realm of the spirits and they would lose her forever
and go mad for a while in their grief.
"But
finally it happened, as it was perfectly natural and inevitable, and we came
out of the cave to tell the villagers our mother had gone to higher realms. All
the trees of the mountain were caught in the wind made by the spirits; the air
was full of green leaves. My sister and I wept; and for the first time in my
life I thought I heard the spirits; I thought I heard their cries and
lamentations over the wind.
"At
once the villagers came to do what must be done.
"First
our mother was laid out on a stone slab as was the custom so that all could
come and pay their respects. She was dressed in the white gown she so loved in
life, of Egyptian linen, and all her fine jewelry from Nineveh and the rings
and necklaces of bone which contained tiny bits of our ancestors, and which
would soon come to us.
"And
after ten hours had passed, and hundreds had come to visit, both from our
village and all the surrounding villages, we then prepared the body for the
funeral feast. For any other dead person of our village, the priests would have
done this honor. But we were witches and our mother was a witch; and we alone
could touch her. And in privacy, and by the light of oil lamps, my sister and I
removed the gown from our mother and covered her body completely with fresh
flowers and leaves. We sawed open her skull and lifted the top carefully so
that it remained intact at the forehead, and we removed her brain and placed it
on a plate with her eyes. Then with an equally careful incision we removed the
heart and placed it on another plate. Then these plates were covered with heavy
domes of clay to protect them.
"And
the villagers came forward and built a brick oven around the body of our mother
on the stone slab, with the plates beside her, and they put the fire in the
oven, beneath the slab, between the rocks upon which it rested, and the
roasting began.
"All
night it took place. The spirits had quieted because the spirit of our mother
was gone. I don't think the body mattered to them; what we did now did not
matter, but it certainly mattered to us.
"Because
we were witches and our mother was a witch, we alone would partake of her
flesh. It was all ours by custom and right. The villagers would not assist in
the feast as they might have done at any other where only two offspring were
left with the obligation. No matter how long it took we would consume our
mother's flesh. And the villagers would keep watch with us.
"But
as the night wore on, as the remains of our mother were prepared in the oven,
my sister and I deliberated over the heart and the brain. We would divide these
organs of course; and which should take which organ, that was what concerned
us; for we had strong beliefs about these organs and what resided in each.
"Now
to many peoples of that time, it was the heart that mattered. To the Egyptians,
for example, the heart was the seat of conscience. This was even so to the
people of our village; but we as witches believed that the brain was the
residence of the human spirit: that is, the spiritual part of each man or woman
that was like unto the spirits of the air. And our belief that the brain was
important came from the fact that the eyes were connected to the brain; and the
eyes were the organs of sight. And seeing is what we did as witches; we saw
into hearts, we saw into the future; we saw into the past. Seer, that was the
word for what we were in our language; that is what 'witch' meant.
"But
again, this was largely ceremony of which we spoke; we believed our mother's
spirit had gone. Out of respect for her, we consumed these organs so that they
should not rot. So it was easy for us to reach agreement; Mekare would take the
brain and the eyes; and I would take the heart.
"Mekare
was the more powerful witch; the one born first; and the one who always took
the lead in things; the one who spoke out immediately; the one who acted as the
older sister, as one twin invariably does. It seemed right that she should take
the brain and the eyes; and I, who had always been quieter of disposition, and
slower, should take the organ which was associated with deep feeling, and
love-the heart.
"We
were pleased with the division and as the morning sky grew light we slept for a
few hours, our bodies weak from hunger and the fasting that prepared us for the
feast.
"Sometime
before dawn the spirits waked us. They were making the wind come again. I went
out of the cave; the fire glowed in the oven. The villagers who kept watch were
asleep. Angrily I told the spirits to keep quiet. But one of them, that one
which I most loved, said that strangers were gathered on the mountain, many
many strangers who were most impressed with our power and dangerously curious
about the feast.
"
'These men want something of you and Mekare,' the spirit told me. 'These men are
not for the good.'
"I
told him that strangers always came here; that this was nothing, and that he
must be quiet now, and let us do what we had to do. But then I went to one of
the men of our village and asked that the village be ready in case some
trouble was to happen, that the men bring their arms with them when they
gathered for the feast to begin.
"It
wasn't such a strange request. Most men carried their weapons with them
wherever they went. Those few who had been professional soldiers or could
afford swords frequently wore them; those with knives kept them tucked in their
belt.
"But
in the main I was not concerned about such things; after all, strangers from far
and wide came to our village; it was only natural that they would for this
special event-the death of a witch.
"But
you know what was to happen. You saw it in your dreams. You saw the villagers
gather around the clearing as the sun rose towards the high point of noon.
Maybe you saw the bricks taken down slowly from the cooling oven; or only the
body of our mother, darkened, shriveled, yet peaceful as in sleep, revealed on
the warm slab of stone. You saw the wilted flowers covering her, and you saw
the heart and the brain and the eyes upon their plates.
"You
saw us kneel on either side of our mother's body. And you heard the musicians
begin to play.
"What
you could not see, but you know now, is that for thousands of years our people
had gathered at such feasts. For thousands of years we had lived in that valley
and on the slopes of the mountain where the high grass grew and the fruit fell
from the trees. This was our land, our custom, our moment.
"Our
sacred moment.
"And
as Mekare and I knelt opposite each other, dressed in the finest robes we
possessed and wearing now the jewelry of our mother as well as our own
adornments, we saw before us, not the warnings of the spirits, or the distress
of our mother when she had touched the tablet of the King and Queen of Kemet.
We saw our own lives-with hope, long and happy-to be lived here among our own.
"I
don't know how long we knelt there; how long we prepared our souls. I remember
that finally, in unison, we lifted the plates which contained the organs of our
mother; and the musicians began to play. The music of the flute and the drum
filled the air around us; we could hear the soft breath of the villagers; we
could hear the song of the birds.
"And
then the evil came down upon us; came so suddenly with the tramp of feet and
loud shrill war cries of the Egyptian soldiers, that we scarce knew what was
happening. Over our mother's body, we threw ourselves, seeking to protect the
sacred feast; but at once they had pulled us up and away, and we saw the plates
falling into the dirt, and the slab overturned!
"I
heard Mekare screaming as I had never heard a human scream. But I too was
screaming, screaming as I saw my mother's body thrown down into the ashes.
"Yet
curses filled my ears; men denouncing us as flesh eaters, cannibals, men
denouncing us as savages and those who must be put to the sword.
"Only
no one harmed us. Screaming, struggling, we were bound and kept helpless,
though all of our kith and kin were slaughtered before our eyes. Soldiers
tramped on the body of our mother; they tramped on her heart and her brain and
her eyes. They tramped back and forth in the ashes, while their cohorts
skewered the men and women and children of our village.
"And
then, through the chorus of screams, through the hideous outcry of all those
hundreds dying on the side of the mountain, I heard Mekare call on our spirits
for vengeance, call on them to punish the soldiers for what they had done.
"But
what was wind or rain to such men as these? The trees shook; it seemed the
earth itself trembled; leaves filled the air as they had the night before.
Rocks rolled down the mountain; dust rose in clouds. But there was no more than
a moment's hesitation, before the King, Enkil, himself stepped forth and told
his men that these were but tricks that all men had witnessed, and we and our
demons could do no more.
"It
was all too true, this admonition; and the massacre went on unabated. My sister
and I were ready to die. But they did not kill us. It was not their intention
to kill us, and as they dragged us away, we saw our village burning, we saw the
fields of wild wheat burning, we saw all the men and women of our tribe lying
dead, and we knew their bodies would be left there for the beasts and the earth
to consume, in utter disregard and abandon."
Maharet
stopped. She had made a small steeple of her hands and now she touched the tips
of her fingers to her forehead, and rested it seemed before she went on. When
she continued, her voice was roughened slightly and lower, but steady as it had
been before.
"What
is one small nation of villages? What is one people-or even one life?
"Beneath
the earth a thousand such peoples are buried. And so our people are buried to
this day.
"All
we knew, all we had been, was laid waste within the space of an hour. A trained
army had slaughtered our simple shepherds, our women, and our helpless young.
Our villages lay in ruins, huts pulled down; everything that could burn was
burned.
"Over
the mountain, over the village that lay at the foot of it, I felt the presence
of the spirits of the dead; a great haze of spirits, some so agitated and
confused by the violence done them that they clung to the earth in terror and
pain; and others rising above the flesh to suffer no more.
"And
what could the spirits do?
"All
the way to Egypt, they followed our procession; they bedeviled the men who kept
us bound and carried us by means of a litter on their shoulders, two weeping
women, snuggling close to each other in terror and grief.
"Each
night when the company made camp, the spirits sent wind to tear up their tents
and scatter them. Yet the King counseled his soldiers not to be afraid. The
King said the gods of Egypt were more powerful than the demons of the witches.
And as the spirits were in fact doing all that they were capable of, as things
got no worse, the soldiers obeyed.
"Each
night the King had us brought before him. He spoke our language, which was a common
one in the world then, spoken all through the Tigris and Euphrates Valley and
along the flanks of Mount Carmel. 'You are great witches,' he would say, his
voice gentle and maddeningly sincere. 'I have spared your life on this account
though you were flesh eaters as were your people, and you were caught in the
very act by me and my men. I have spared you because I would have the benefit
of your wisdom. I would learn from you, and my Queen would learn as well. Tell
me what I can give you to ease your suffering and I will do it. You are under
my protection now; I am your King.'
"Weeping,
refusing to meet his eyes, saying nothing, we stood before him until he tired
of all this, and sent us back to sleep in the small crowded litter-a tiny
rectangle of wood with only small windows-as we had been before.
"Alone
once more, my sister and I spoke to each other silently, or by means of our
language, the twin language of gestures and abbreviated words that only we
understood. We recalled what the spirits had said to our mother; we remembered
that she had taken ill after the letter from the King of Kemet and she had
never recovered. Yet we weren't afraid.
"We
were too stricken with grief to be afraid. It was as if we were already dead.
We'd seen our people massacred, we'd seen our mother's body desecrated. We did
not know what could be worse. We were together; maybe separation would be
worse.
"But
during this long journey to Egypt, we had one small consolation which we were
not later to forget. Khayman, the King's steward, looked upon us with
compassion, and did everything that he could, in secret, to ease our
pain."
Maharet
stopped again and looked at Khayman, who sat with his hands folded before him
on the table and his eyes down. It seemed he was deep in his recollection of
the things which Maharet described. He accepted this tribute but it didn't seem
to console him. Then finally he looked to Maharet in acknowledgment. He seemed
dazed and full of questions. But he didn't ask them. His eyes passed over the
others, acknowledging their glances as well, acknowledging the steady stare of
Armand, and of Gabrielle, but again, he said nothing.
Then
Maharet continued:
"Khayman
loosened our" bonds whenever possible; he allowed us to walk about in the
evening; he brought us meat and drink. And there was a great kindness in that
he didn't speak to us when he did these things; he did not ask for our
gratitude. He did these things with a pure heart. It was simply not to his
taste to see people suffer.
"It
seemed we traveled ten days to reach the land of Kemet. Maybe it was more;
maybe it was less. Some time during that journey the spirits tired of their
tricks; and we, dejected and without courage, did not call upon them. We sank
into silence finally, only now and then looking into each other's eyes.
"At
last we came into a kingdom the like of which we had never seen. Over scorching
desert we were brought to the rich black land that bordered the Nile River, the
black earth from which the word Kemet derives; and then over the mighty river
itself by raft we were taken as was all the army, and into a sprawling city of
brick buildings with grass roofs, of great temples and palaces built of the
same coarse materials, but all very fine.
"This
was long before the time of the stone architecture for which the Egyptians
would become known-the temples of the pharaohs which have stood to this day.
"But
already there was a great love of show and decoration, a movement towards the
monumental. Unbaked bricks, river reeds, matting-all of these simple materials
had been used to make high walls which were then whitewashed and painted with
lovely designs.
"Before
the palace into which we were taken as royal prisoners were great columns made
from enormous jungle grasses, which had been dried and bound together and
plastered with river mud; and within a closed court a lake had been made, full
of lotus blossoms and surrounded by flowering trees.
"Never
had we seen people so rich as these Egyptians, people decked out with so much
jewelry, people with beautifully plaited hair and painted eyes. And their
painted eyes tended to unnerve us. For the paint hardened their stare; it gave
an illusion of depth where perhaps there was no depth; instinctively, we shrank
from this artifice.
"But
all we saw merely inspired further misery in us. How we hated everything around
us. And we could sense from these people-though we didn't understand their
strange tongue-that they hated and feared us too. It seemed our red hair caused
great confusion among them; and that we were twins, this too produced fear.
"For
it had been the custom among them now and then to kill twin children; and the
red-haired were invariably sacrificed to the gods. It was thought to be lucky.
"All
this came clear to us in wanton flashes of understanding; imprisoned, we waited
grimly to see what would be our fate.
"As
before, Khayman was our only consolation in those first hours. Khayman, the
King's chief steward, saw that we had comforts in our imprisonment. He brought
us fresh linen, and fruit to eat and beer to drink. He brought us even combs
for our hair and clean dresses; and for the first time he spoke to us; he told
us that the Queen was gentle and good, and we must not be afraid.
"We
knew that he was speaking the truth, there was no doubt of it; but something
was wrong, as it had been months before with the words of the King's messenger.
Our trials had only begun.
"We
also feared the spirits had deserted us; that maybe they did not want to come
into this land on our behalf. But we didn't call upon the spirits; because to
call and not to be answered-well, that would have been more than we could bear.
"Then
evening came and the Queen sent for us; and we were brought before the court.
"The
spectacle overwhelmed us, even as we despised it: Akasha and Enkil upon their
thrones. The Queen was then as she is now a woman of straight shoulders and
firm limbs with a face almost too exquisite to evince intelligence, a being of
enticing prettiness with a soft treble voice. As for the King, we saw him now
not as a soldier but as a sovereign. His hair was plaited, and he wore his
formal kilt and jewels. His black eyes were full of earnestness as they had
always been; but it was clear, within a moment, that it was Akasha who ruled
this kingdom and always had. Akasha had the language-the verbal skill.
"At
once, she told us that our people had been properly punished for their
abominations; that they had been dealt with mercifully, as all flesh eaters are
savages, and they should have, by right, suffered a slow death. And she said
that we had been shown mercy because we were great witches, and the Egyptians
would learn from us; they would know what wisdom of the realms of the invisible
we had to impart.
"Immediately,
as if these words were nothing, she went into her questions. Who were our
demons? Why were some good, if they were demons? Were they not gods? How could
we make the rain fall?
"We
were too horrified by her callousness to respond. We were bruised by the
spiritual coarseness of her manner, and had begun to weep again. We turned away
from her and into each other's arms.
"But
something else was also coming clear to us-something very plain from the manner
in which this person spoke. The speed of her words, their flippancy, the emphasis
she put upon this or that syllable-all this made known to us that she was lying
and did not herself know that she lied.
"And
looking deep into the lie, as we closed our eyes, we saw the truth which she
herself would surely deny:
"She
had slaughtered our people in order to bring us here! She had sent her King and
her soldiers upon this 'holy war' simply because we had refused her earlier
invitation, and she wanted us at her mercy. She was curious about us.
"This
was what our mother had seen when she held the tablet of the King and Queen in
her hands. Perhaps the spirits in their own way had foreseen it. We only
understood the full monstrous-ness of it now.
"Our
people had died because we had attracted the interest of the Queen just as we attracted
the interest of the spirits; we had brought this evil upon all.
"Why,
we wondered, hadn't the soldiers merely taken us from our helpless villagers?
Why had they brought to ruin all that our people were?
"But
that was the horror! A moral cloak had been thrown over the Queen's purpose, a
cloak through which she could not see any more than anyone else.
"She
had convinced herself that our people should die, yes, that their savagery
merited it, even though they were not Egyptians and our land was far from her
home. And oh, wasn't it rather convenient, that then we should be shown mercy
and brought here to satisfy her curiosity at last. And we should, of course, be
grateful by then and willing to answer her questions.
"And
even deeper beyond her deception, we beheld the mind that made such
contradictions possible.
"This
Queen had no true morality, no true system of ethics to govern the things which
she did. This Queen was one of those many humans who sense that perhaps there
is nothing and no reason to anything that can ever be known. Yet she cannot
bear the thought of it. And so she created day in and day out her ethical
systems, trying desperately to believe in them, and they were all cloaks for
things she did for merely pragmatic reasons. Her war on the cannibals, for
instance, had stemmed more from her dislike of such customs than
anything else. Her people of Uruk hadn't eaten human flesh; and so she would
not have this offensive thing happening around her; there really wasn't a whole
lot more to it than that. For always in her there was a dark place full of
despair. And a great driving force to make meaning because there was none.
"Understand,
it was not a shallowness we perceived in this woman. It was a youthful belief
that she could make the light shine if she tried; that she could shape the
world to comfort herself; and it was also a lack of interest in the pain of
others. She knew others felt pain, but well, she could not really dwell on it.
"Finally,
unable to bear the extent of this obvious duplicity, we turned and studied her,
for we must now contend with her. She was not twenty-five years old, this
Queen, and her powers were absolute in this land which she had dazzled with her
customs from Uruk. And she was almost too pretty to be truly beautiful, for her
loveliness overcame any sense of majesty or deep mystery; and her voice
contained still a childish ring to it, a ring which evokes tenderness
instinctively in others, and gives a faint music to the simplest words. A ring
which we found maddening.
"On
and on she went with her questions. How did we work our miracles? How did we
look into men's hearts? Whence came our magic, and why did we claim that we
talked to beings who were invisible? Could we speak in the same manner to her
gods? Could we deepen her knowledge or bring her into closer understanding of
what was divine? She was willing to pardon us for our savagery if we were to be
grateful; if we were to kneel at her altars and lay before her gods and before
her what we knew.
"She
pursued her various points with a single-mindedness that could make a wise
person laugh.
"But
it brought up the deepest rage from Mekare. She who had always taken the lead
in anything spoke out now.
"
'Stop your questions. You speak in stupidities,' she declared. 'You have no
gods in this kingdom, because there are no gods. The only invisible inhabitants
of the world are spirits, and they play with you through your priests and your
religion as they play with everyone else. Ra, Osiris-these are merely made-up
names with which you flatter and court the spirits, and when it suits their
purposes they give you some little sign to send you scurrying to flatter them
some more.'
"Both
the King and Queen stared at Mekare in horror. But Mekare went on:
"
'The spirits are real, but they are childlike and capricious. And they are
dangerous as well. They marvel at us and envy us that we are both spiritual and
fleshly, which attracts them and makes them eager to do our will. Witches such
as we have always known how to use them; but it takes great skill and great
power to do it, and this we have and you do not have. You are fools, and what
you have done to take us prisoner is evil; it is dishonest; you live in the
lie! But we will not lie to you.'
"And
then, half weeping, half choking with rage, Mekare accused the Queen before the
entire court of duplicity, of massacring our peaceable people simply so that we
might be brought here. Our people had not hunted for human flesh in a thousand
years, she told this court; and it was a funeral feast that was desecrated at
our capture, and all this evil done so that the Queen of Kemet might have
witches to talk to, witches of whom to ask questions, witches in her possession
whose power she would seek to use for herself.
"The
court was in an uproar. Never had anyone heard such disrespect, such blasphemy,
and so forth and so on. But the old lords of Egypt, those who still chafed at
the ban on sacred cannibalism, they were horrified by this mention of the
desecrated funeral feast. And others who also feared the retribution of heaven
for not devouring the remains of their parents were struck dumb with fear.
"But
in the main, it was confusion. Except for the King and the Queen, who were
strangely silent and strangely intrigued.
"Akasha
didn't make any answer to us, and it was clear that something in our
explanation had rung true for her in the deeper regions of her mind. There
flared for the moment a deadly earnest curiosity. Spirits who pretend to be
gods? Spirits who envy the flesh? As for the charge that she had sacrificed
our people needlessly, she didn't even consider it. Again, it did not interest
her. It was the spiritual question which fascinated her, and in her fascination
the spirit was divorced from the flesh.
"Allow
me to draw your attention to what I have just said. It was the spiritual
question which fascinated her-you might say the abstract idea; and in her
fascination the abstract idea was everything. I do not think she believed that
the spirits could be childlike and capricious. But whatever was there, she
meant to know of it; and she meant to know of it through us. As for the
destruction of our people, she did not care!
"Meantime
the high priest of the temple of Ra was demanding our execution. So was the
high priest of the temple of Osiris. We were evil; we were witches; and all
those with red hair should be burned as had always been done in the land of
Kemet. And at once the assemblage echoed these denunciations. There should be
a burning. Within moments it seemed a riot would have broken out in the palace.
"But
the King ordered all to be quiet. We were taken to our cell again, and put
under heavy guard.
"Mekare,
enraged, paced the floor, as I begged her not to say any more. I reminded her
of what the spirits had told us: that if we went to Egypt, the King and Queen
would ask us questions, and if we answered truthfully, which we would, the King
and Queen would be angry with us, and we would be destroyed.
"But
this was like talking to myself now; Mekare wouldn't listen. Back and forth she
walked, now and then striking her breast with her fist. I felt the anguish she
felt.
"
'Damnable,' she was saying. 'Evil.' And then she'd fall silent and pace, and
then say these words again.
"I
knew she was remembering the warning of Amel, the evil one. And I also knew
that Amel was near; I could hear him, sense him.
"I
knew that Mekare was being tempted to call upon him; and I felt that she must
not. What would his silly torments mean to the Egyptians? How many mortals
could he afflict with his pinpricks? It was no more than the storms of wind and
flying objects which we could already produce. But Amel heard these thoughts;
and he began to grow restless.
"
'Be quiet, demon,' Mekare said. 'Wait until I need you!' Those were the first
words I ever heard her speak to an evil spirit, and they sent a shiver of
horror through me.
"I
don't remember when we fell asleep. Only that sometime after midnight I was
awakened by Khayman.
"At
first I thought it was Amel doing some trick, and I awoke in a frenzy. But
Khayman gestured for me to be quiet. He was in a terrible state. He wore only a
simple bed gown and no sandals, and his hair was mussed. It seemed he'd been
weeping. His eyes were red.
"He
sat down beside me. 'Tell me, is this true, what you said of the spirits?' I
didn't bother to tell him it was Mekare who said it. People always confused us
or thought of us as one being. I merely told him, yes, it was true.
"I
explained that there have always been these invisible entities; that they
themselves had told us there were no gods or goddesses of which they knew. They
had bragged to us often of the tricks they played at Sumer or Jericho or in
Nineveh at the great temples. Now and then they would come booming that they
were this or that god. But we knew their personalities, and when we called them
by their old names, they gave up the new game at once.
"What
I did not say was that I wished Mekare had never made known such things. What
purpose could it serve now?
"He
sat there defeated, listening to me, listening as if he had been a man lied to
all his life and now he saw truth. For he had been deeply moved when he had
seen the spirits strike up the wind on our mountain and he had seen a shower of
leaves fall upon the soldiers; it had chilled his soul. And that is always what
produces, that mixture of truth and a physical manifestation.
"But
then I perceived there was an even greater burden upon his conscience, or on
his reason, one might say. 'And the massacre of your people, this was a holy
war; it was not a selfish thing, as you said.'
"
'Oh, no,' I told him. 'It was a selfish and simple thing, I can't say
otherwise.' I told him of the tablet sent to us by the messenger, of what the
spirits had said, of my mother's fear and her illness, and of my own power to
hear the truth in the Queen's words, the truth which she herself might not be
able to accept.
"But
long before I'd finished, he was defeated again. He knew, from his own
observations, that what I was saying was true. He had fought at the King's side
through many a campaign against foreign peoples. That an army should fight for
gain was nothing to him. He had seen massacres and cities burned; he had seen
slaves taken; he had seen men return laden with booty. And though he himself
was no soldier, these things he understood.
"But
there had been no booty worth taking in our villages; there had been no
territory which the King would retain. Yes, it had been fought for our capture,
he knew it. And he too felt the distaste for the lie of a holy war against
flesh eaters. And he felt a sadness that was even greater than his defeat. He
was of an old family; he had eaten the flesh of his ancestors; and he found
himself now punishing such traditions among those whom he had known and loved.
He thought of the mummification of the dead with repugnance, but more truly he
felt repugnance for the ceremony which accompanied it, for the depth of
superstition in which the land had been steeped. So much wealth heaped upon the
dead; so much attention to those putrefying bodies simply so men and women
would not feel guilty for abandoning the older customs.
"Such
thoughts exhausted him; they weren't natural to him; what obsessed him finally
were the deaths he had seen; executions; massacres. Just as the Queen could not
grasp such things, he could not forget them and he was a man losing his
stamina; a man drawn into a mire in which he might drown.
"Finally
he took his leave of me. But before he went he promised that he would do his
best to see that we were released. He did not know how he could do it, but he
would try to do it. And he begged me not to be afraid. I felt a great love for
him at that moment. He had then the same beautiful face and form which he has
now; only then he was dark-skinned and leaner and the curls had been ironed
from his hair and it had been plaited and hung long to his shoulders, and he
had the air of the court about him, the air of one who commands, and one who
stands in the warm love of his prince.
"The
following morning the Queen sent for us again. And this time we were brought
privately to her chamber, where only the King was with her, and Khayman.
"It
was a more lavish place even than the great hall of the palace; it was stuffed
to overflowing with fine things, with a couch made of carved leopards, and a
bed hung with sheer silk; and with polished mirrors of seemingly magical
perfection. And the Queen herself, like a temptress she was, bedecked with
finery and perfume, and fashioned by nature into a thing as lovely as any
treasure around her.
"Once
again she put her questions.
"Standing
together, our hands bound, we had to listen to the same nonsense.
"And
once again Mekare told the Queen of the spirits; she explained that the spirits
have always existed; she told how they bragged of playing with the priests of
other lands. She told how the spirits had said the songs and chants of the
Egyptians pleased them. It was all a game to the spirits, and no more.
"
'But these spirits! They are the gods, then, that is what you are saying!'
Akasha said with great fervor. 'And you speak to them? I want to see you do it!
Do it for me now.'
"
'But they are not gods,' I said. That is what we are trying to tell you. And
they do not abhor the eaters of the flesh as you say your gods do. They don't
care about such things. They never have.' Painstakingly I strove to convey the
difference; these spirits had no code; they were morally inferior to us. Yet I
knew this woman couldn't grasp what I was telling her.
"I
perceived the war inside her, between the handmaiden of the goddess Inanna who
wanted to believe herself blessed, and the dark brooding soul who believed
finally in nothing. A chill place was her soul; her religious fervor was
nothing but a blaze which she fed constantly, seeking to warm that chill place.
"
'Everything you say is a lie!' she said finally. 'You are evil women!' She
ordered our execution. We should be burnt alive the next day and together, so
that we might see each other suffer and die. Why had she ever bothered with us?
"At
once the King interrupted her. He told her that he had seen the power of the
spirits; so had Khayman. What might not the spirits do if we were so treated?
Wouldn't it be better to let us go?
"But
there was something ugly and hard in the Queen's gaze. The King's words meant
nothing; our lives were being taken from us. What could we do? And it seemed
she was angry with us because we had not been able to frame our truths in ways
which she could use or take pleasure in. Ah, it was an agony to deal with her.
Yet her mind is a common mind; there are countless human beings who think and
feel as she did then; and does now, in all likelihood.
"Finally
Mekare seized the moment. She did the thing which I did not dare to do. She
called the spirits-all of them by name, but so quickly this Queen would never
remember the words. She screamed for them to come to her and do her bidding;
and she told them to show their displeasure at what was happening to those
mortals-Maharet and Mekare-whom they claimed to love.
"It
was a gamble. But if nothing happened, if they had deserted us as I feared,
well, then she could call on Amel, for he was there, lurking, waiting. And it
was the only chance we had finally.
"Within
an instant the wind had begun. It howled through the courtyard and whistled
through the corridors of the palace. The draperies were torn by it; doors
slammed; fragile vessels were smashed. The Queen was in a state of terror as
she felt it surround her. Then small objects began to fly through the air. The
spirits gathered up the ornaments of her dressing table and hurled them at her;
the King stood beside her, striving to protect her, and Khayman was rigid with
fear.
"Now,
this was the very limit of the spirits' power; and they would not be able to
keep it up for very long. But before the demonstration stopped, Khayman begged
the King and Queen to revoke the sentence of execution. And on the spot they
did.
"At
once Mekare, sensing that the spirits were spent anyway, ordered them with
great pomp to stop. Silence fell. And the terrified slaves ran here and there
to gather up what had been thrown about.
"The
Queen was overcome. The King tried to tell her that he had seen this spectacle
before and it had not harmed him; but something deep had been violated within
the Queen's heart. She'd never witnessed the slightest proof of the
supernatural; and she was struck dumb and still now. In that dark faithless
place within her, there had been a spark of light; true light. And so old and
certain was her secret skepticism, that this small miracle had been for her a
revelation of great magnitude; it was as if she had seen the face of her gods.
"She
sent the King and Khayman away from her. She said she would speak with us
alone. And then she implored us to talk to the spirits so that she could hear
it. There were tears in her eyes.
"It
was an extraordinary moment, for I sensed now what I'd sensed months ago when
I'd touched the clay tablet-a mixture of good and evil that seemed more dangerous
than evil itself.
"Of
course we couldn't make the spirits speak so that she could understand it, we
told her. But perhaps she would give us some questions that they might answer.
At once she did.
"These
were no more than the questions which people have been putting to wizards and
witches and saints ever since. 'Where is the necklace I lost as a child? What
did my mother want to tell me the night she died when she could no longer
speak? Why does my sister detest my company? Will my son grow to manhood? Will
he be brave and strong?'
"Struggling
for our lives, we put these questions patiently to the spirits, cajoling them
and flattering them to make them pay attention. And we got answers which
veritably astonished Akasha. The spirits knew the name of her sister; they
knew the name of her son. She seemed on the edge of madness as she considered
these simple tricks.
"Then
Amel, the evil one, appeared-obviously jealous of all these goings-on-and
suddenly flung down before Akasha the lost necklace of which she'd been
speaking-a necklace lost in Uruk; and this was the final blow. Akasha was
thunderstruck.
"She
wept now, holding on to this necklace. And then she begged us to put to the
spirits the really important questions whose answers she must know.
"Yes,
the gods were made up by her people, the spirits said. No, the names in the
prayers didn't matter. The spirits merely liked the music and rhythm of the
language-the shape of the words, so to speak. Yes, there were bad spirits who
liked to hurt people, and why not? And there were good spirits who loved them,
too. And would they speak to Akasha if we were to leave the kingdom? Never.
They were speaking now, and she couldn't hear them, what did she expect them to
do? But yes, there were witches in the kingdom who could hear them, and they
would tell those witches to come to the court at once if that was what she
wanted.
"But
as this communication progressed, a terrible change came over Akasha.
"She
went from jubilance to suspicion and then misery. Because these spirits were
only telling her the same dismal things that we had already told her.
"
'What do you know of the life after?' she asked. And when the spirits said only
that the souls of the dead either hovered about the earth, confused and
suffering, or rose and vanished from it completely, she was brutally
disappointed. Her eyes dulled; she was losing all appetite for this. When she
asked what of those who had lived bad lives, as opposed to those who had lived
good lives, the spirits could give no answer. They didn't know what she meant.
"Yet
it continued, this interrogation. And we could sense that the spirits were
tiring of it, and playing with her now, and that the answers would become more
and more idiotic.
"
'What is the will of the gods?' she asked. 'That you sing all the time,' said
the spirits. 'We like it.'
"Then
all of a sudden, Amel, the evil one, so proud of the trick with the necklace,
flung another great string of jewels before Akasha. But from this she shrank
back in horror.
"At
once we saw the error. It had been her mother's necklace, and lay on her
mother's body in the tomb near Uruk, and of course Amel, being only a spirit,
couldn't guess how bizarre and distasteful it could be to bring this thing
here. Even now he did not catch on. He had seen this necklace in Akasha's mind
when she had spoken of the other one. Why didn't she want it too? Didn't she
like necklaces?
"Mekare
told Amel this had not pleased. It was the wrong miracle. Would he please wait
for her command, as she understood this Queen and he didn't.
"But
it was too late. Something had happened to the Queen which was irrevocable. She
had seen two pieces of evidence as to the power of the spirits, and she had heard
truth and nonsense, neither of which could compare to the beauty of the
mythology of her gods which she had always forced herself to believe in. Yet
the spirits were destroying her fragile faith. How would she ever escape the
dark skepticism in her own soul if these demonstrations continued?
"She
bent down and picked up the necklace from her mother's tomb. 'How was this
got!' she demanded. But her heart wasn't really in the question. She knew the
answer would be more of what she'd been hearing since we had arrived. She was
frightened.
"Nevertheless
I explained; and she listened to every word.
"The
spirits read our minds; and they are enormous and powerful. Their true size is
difficult for us to imagine; and they can move with the swiftness of thought;
when Akasha thought of this second necklace, the spirit saw it; he went to look
for it; after all, one necklace had pleased her, so why not another? And so he
had found it in her mother's tomb; and brought it out by means perhaps of some
small opening. For surely it could not pass through stone. That was ridiculous.
"But
as I said this last part I realized the truth. This necklace had probably been
stolen from the body of Akasha's mother, and very possibly by Akasha's father.
It had never been buried in any tomb. That is why Amel could find it. Maybe
even a priest had stolen it. Or so it very likely seemed to Akasha, who was
holding the necklace in her hand. She loathed this spirit that he made known
such an awful thing to her.
"In
sum, all the illusions of this woman lay now in complete ruin; yet she was left
with the sterile truth she had always known. She had asked her questions of the
supernatural-a very unwise thing to do-and the supernatural had given her
answers which she could not accept; yet she could not refute them either.
"
'Where are the souls of the dead?" she whispered, staring at this
necklace.
"As
softly as I could I said, 'The spirits simply do not know.'
"Horror.
Fear. And then her mind began to work, to do what it had always done-find some
grand system to explain away what caused pain; some grand way to accommodate
what she saw before her. The dark secret place inside her was becoming larger;
it was threatening to consume her from within; she could not let such a thing
happen; she had to go on. She was the Queen of Kemet.
"On
the other hand, she was angry, and the rage she felt was against her parents
and against her teachers, and against the priests and priestesses of her
childhood, and against the gods she had worshiped and against anyone who had
ever comforted her, or told her that life was good.
"A
moment of silence had fallen; something was happening in her expression; fear
and wonder had gone; there was something cold and disenchanted and, finally,
malicious in her gaze.
"And
then with her mother's necklace in hand she rose and declared that all we had
said were lies. These were demons to whom we were speaking, demons who sought
to subvert her and her gods, who looked with favor upon her people. The more
she spoke the more she believed what she was saying; the more the elegance of
her beliefs seized her; the more she surrendered to their logic. Until finally
she was weeping and denouncing us, and the darkness within had been denied. She
evoked the images of her gods; she evoked her holy language.
"But
then she looked again at the necklace; and the evil spirit, Amel, in a great
rage-furious that she was not pleased with his little gift and was once again
angry with us-told us to tell her that if she did us any harm he would hurl at
her every object, jewel, wine cup, looking glass, comb, or other such item that
she ever so much as asked for, or imagined, or remembered, or wished for, or
missed.
"I
could have laughed had we not been in such danger; it was such a wonderful
solution in the mind of the spirit; and so perfectly ridiculous from a human
point of view. Yet it certainly wasn't something that one would want to happen.
"And
Mekare told Akasha exactly what Amel had said.
" 'He
that can produce this necklace can inundate you in such reminders of
suffering,' Mekare said. 'And I do not know that any witch on earth can stop
him, should he so begin.'
"
'Where is he?' Akasha screamed. 'Let me see this demon thing you speak to!'
"And
at this, Amel, in vanity and rage, concentrated all his power and dove at
Akasha, declaring 'I am Amel, the evil one, who pierces!' and he made the great
gale around her that he had made around our mother; only it was ten times that.
Never had I seen such fury. The room itself appeared to tremble as this immense
spirit compressed himself and directed himself into this tiny place. I could
hear the cracking of the brick walls. And all over the Queen's beautiful face
and arms the tiny bitelike wounds appeared as so many red dots of blood.
"She
screamed helplessly. Amel was in ecstasy. Amel could do wondrous things! Mekare
and I were in terror.
"Mekare
commanded him to stop. And now she heaped flattery upon him, and great thanks,
and told him he was very simply the most powerful of all spirits, but he must
obey her now, to demonstrate his great wit as well as his power; and that she
would allow him to strike again at the right time.
"Meantime,
the King rushed to the aid of Akasha; Khayman ran to her; all the guards ran to
her. But when the guards raised their swords to strike us down, she ordered
them to leave us alone. Mekare and I stood staring at her, silently threatening
her with this spirit's power, for it was all that we had left. And Amel, the
evil one, hovered above us, filling the air with the most eerie of all sounds,
the great hollow laughter of a spirit, that seemed then to fill the entire
world.
"Alone
in our cell again, we could not think what to do or how to use what little
advantage we now had in Amel.
"As
for Amel himself, he would not leave us. He ranted and stormed in the little
cell; he made the reed mats rustle, and made our garments move; he sent winds
through our hair. It was a nuisance. But what frightened me was to hear the
things of which he boasted. That he liked to draw blood; that it plumped him up
inside and made him slow; but that it tasted good; and when the peoples of the
world made blood sacrifice upon their altars he liked to come down and slurp up
that blood. After all, it was there for him, was it not? More laughter.
"There
was a great recoiling in the other spirits. Mekare and I both sensed this.
Except for those who were faintly jealous and demanded to know what this blood
tasted like, and why he liked such a thing so much.
"And
then it came out-that hatred and jealousy of the flesh which is in so many evil
spirits, that feeling that we are abominations, we humans, because we have both
body and soul, which should not exist on this earth. Amel ranted of the times
when there had been but mountains and oceans and forests and no living things
such as us. He told us that to have spirit within mortal bodies was a curse.
"Now,
I had heard these complaints among the evil ones before; but I had never
thought much about them. For the first time I believed them, just a little, as
I lay there and I saw my people put to the sword in my mind's eye. I thought as
many a man or woman has thought before and since that maybe it was a curse to
have the concept of immortality without the body to go with it.
"Or
as you said, on this very night, Marius-life seemed not worth it; it seemed a
joke. My world was darkness at that moment, darkness and suffering. All that I
was no longer mattered; nothing I looked at could make me want to be alive.
"But
Mekare began to speak to Amel again, informing him that she would much rather
be what she was than what he was- drifting about forever with nothing important
to do. And this sent Amel into a rage again. He would show her what he could
do!
"
'When I command you, Amel!' she said. 'Count upon me to choose the moment. Then
all men will know what you can do.' And this childish vain spirit was
contented, and spread himself out again over the dark sky.
"For
three nights and days we were kept prisoner. The guards would not look at us or
come near us. Neither would the slaves. In fact, we would have starved had it
not been for Khayman, the royal steward, who brought us food with his own
hands.
"Then
he told us what the spirits had already told us. A great controversy raged; the
priests wanted us put to death. But the Queen was afraid to kill us, that we'd
loose these spirits on her, and there would be no way she could drive them off.
The King was intrigued by what had happened; he believed that more could be
learned from us; he was curious about the power of the spirits, and to what
uses it could be put. But the Queen feared it; the Queen had seen enough.
"Finally
we were brought before the entire court in the great open atrium of the palace.
"It
was high noon in the kingdom and the King and Queen made their offerings to the
sun god Ra as was the custom, and this we were made to watch. It meant nothing
to us to see this solemnity; we were afraid these were the last hours of our
lives. I dreamed then of our mountain, our caves; I dreamed of the children we
might have borne-fine sons and daughters, and some of them who would have
inherited our power-I dreamed of the life that had been taken from us, of the
annihilation of our kith and kindred which might soon be complete. I thanked
whatever powers that be that I could see blue sky above my head, and that
Mekare and I were still together.
"At
last the King spoke. There was a terrible sadness and weariness in him. Young
as he was, he had something of an old man's soul in these moments. Ours was a
great gift, he told us, but we had misused it, clearly, and could be no use to
anyone else. For lies, for the worship of demons, for black magic, he denounced
us. He would have us burned, he said, to please the people; but he and his
Queen felt sorry for us. The Queen in particular wanted him to have mercy on
us.
"It
was a damnable lie, but one look at her face told us she'd convinced herself
that it was true. And of course the King believed it. But what did this matter?
What was this mercy, we wondered, trying to look deeper into their souls.
"And
now the Queen told us in tender words that our great magic had brought her the
two necklaces she most wanted in all the world and for this and this alone she
would let us live. In sum, the lie she spun grew larger and more intricate, and
more distant from the truth.
"And
then the King said he would release us, but first he would demonstrate to all
the court that we had no power, and therefore the priests would be appeased.
"And
if at any moment an evil demon should manifest himself and seek to abuse the
just worshipers of Ra or Osiris, then our pardon should be revoked and we
should be put to death at once. For surely the power of our demons would die
with us. And we would have forfeited the Queen's mercy which we scarce deserved
as it was.
"Of
course we realized what was to happen; we saw it now in the hearts of the King
and the Queen. A compromise had been struck. And we had been offered a bargain.
As the King removed his gold chain and medallion and put it around the neck of
Khayman, we knew that we were to be raped before the court, raped as common
female prisoners or slaves would have been raped in any war. And if we called the
spirits we'd die. That was our position.
"
'But for the love of my Queen,' said Enkil, 'I would take my pleasure of these
two women, which is my right; I would do it before you all to show that they
have no power and are not great witches, but are merely women, and my chief
steward, Khayman, my beloved Khayman, will be given the privilege of doing it
in my stead.'
"All
the court waited in silence as Khayman looked at us, and prepared to obey the
King's command. We stared at him, daring him in our helplessness not to do
it-not to lay hands upon us or to violate us, before these uncaring eyes.
"We
could feel the pain in him and the tumult. We could feel the danger that
surrounded him, for were he to disobey he would surely have died. Yet this was
our honor he meant to take; he meant to desecrate us; ruin us as it were; and
we who had lived always in the sunshine and peace on our mountain knew nothing
really of the act which he meant to perform.
"I
think, as he came towards us, I believed he could not do it, that a man could
not feel the pain which he felt and still sharpen his passion for this ugly
work. But I knew little of men then, of how the pleasures of the flesh can
combine in them with hatred and anger; of how they can hurt as they perform the
act which women perform, more often than not, for love.
"Our
spirits clamored against what was to happen; but for our very lives, we told
them to be quiet. Silently I pressed Mekare's hand; I gave her to know that we
would live when this was over; we would be free; this was not death after all;
and we would leave these miserable desert people to their lies and their
illusions; to their idiot customs; we would go home.
"And
then Khayman set about to do what he had to do. Khayman untied our bonds; he took
Mekare to himself first, forcing her down on her back against the matted floor,
and lifting her gown, as I stood transfixed and unable to stop him, and then I
was subjected to the same fate.
"But
in his mind, we were not the women whom Khayman raped. As his soul trembled, as
his body trembled, he stoked the fire of his passion with fantasies of nameless
beauties and half remembered moments so that body and soul could be one.
"And
we, our eyes averted, closed our souls to him and to these vile Egyptians who
had done to us these terrible things; our souls were alone and untouched within
our bodies; and all around us, I heard without doubt the weeping of the
spirits, the sad, terrible weeping, and in the distance, the low rolling
thunder of Amel.
"You
are fools to bear this, witches.
"It
was nightfall when we were left at the edge of the desert. The soldiers gave us
what food and drink was allowed. It was nightfall as we started our long
journey north. Our rage then was as great as it had ever been.
"And
Amel came, taunting us and raging at us; why did we not want him to exact
vengeance?
"
'They will come after us and kill us!' Mekare said. 'Now go away from us.' But
that did not do the trick. So finally she tried to put Amel to work on
something important. 'Amel, we want to reach our home alive. Make cool winds
for us; and show us where we can find water.'
"But
these are things which evil spirits never do. Amel lost interest. And Amel
faded away, and we walked on through the cold desert wind, arm in arm, trying
not to think of the miles that lay before us.
"Many
things befell us on our long journey which are too numerous here to tell.
"But
the good spirits had not deserted us; they made the cooling winds, and they led
us to springs where we could find water and a few dates to eat; and they made
'little rain' for us as long as they could; but finally we were too deep in the
desert for such a thing, and we were dying, and I knew I had a child from
Khayman in my womb, and I wanted my child to live.
"It
was then that the spirits led us to the Bedouin peoples, and they took us in,
they cared for us.
"I
was sick, and for days I lay singing to my child inside my body, and driving
away my sickness and my moments of worst remembering with my songs. Mekare lay
beside me, holding me in her arms.
"Months
passed before I was strong enough to leave the Bedouin camps, and then I wanted
my child to be born in our land and I begged Mekare that we should continue our
journey.
"At
last, with the food and drink the Bedouins had given us, and the spirits to
guide us, we came into the green fields of Palestine, and found the foot of the
mountain and the shepherd peoples-so like our own tribe-who had come down to
claim our old grazing places.
"They
knew us as they had known our mother and all our kindred and they called us by
name, and immediately took us in.
"And
we were so happy again, among the green grasses and the trees and the flowers
that we knew, and my child was growing bigger inside my womb. It would live;
the desert had not killed it.
"So,
in my own land I gave birth to my daughter and named her Miriam as my mother
had been named before me. She had Khayman's black hair but the green eyes of
her mother. And the love I felt for her and the joy I knew in her were the
greatest curative my soul could desire. We were free again. Mekare, who knew
the birth pain with me, and who lifted the child out of my body, carried Miriam
in her arms by the hour and sang to her just as I did. The child was ours, as
much as it was mine. And we tried to forget the horrors we had seen in Egypt.
"Miriam
thrived. And finally Mekare and I vowed to climb the mountain and find the
caves in which we'd been born. We did not know yet how we would live or what we
would do, so many miles from our new people. But with Miriam, we would go back
to the place where we had been so happy; and we would call the spirits to us,
and we would make the miracle of rain to bless my newborn child.
"But
this was never to be. Not any of it.
"For
before we could leave the shepherd people, soldiers came again, under the
command of the King's high steward, Khayman, soldiers who had passed out gold
along the way to any tribe who had seen or heard of the red-haired twins and
knew where they might be.
"Once
again at midday as the sun poured down on the grassy fields, we saw the
Egyptian soldiers with their swords raised. In all directions the people
scattered, but Mekare ran out and dropped down on her knees before Khayman and
said, 'Don't harm our people again.'
"Then
Khayman came with Mekare to the place where I was hiding with my daughter, and
I showed him this child, which was his child, and begged him for mercy, for
justice, that he leave us in peace.
"But
I had only to look at him to understand that he would be put to death if he did
not bring us back. His face was thin and drawn and full of misery, not the
smooth white immortal face that you see here at this table tonight.
"Enemy
time has washed away the natural imprint of his suffering. But it was very
plain on that long ago afternoon.
"In
a soft, subdued voice he spoke to us. 'A terrible evil has come over the King
and the Queen of Kemet,' he said. 'And your spirits have done it, your spirits
that tormented me night and day for what I did to you, until the King sought to
drive them out of my house.'
"He
stretched out his arms to me that I could see the tiny scars that covered him
where this spirit had drawn blood. Scars covered his face and his throat.
"
'Oh, you don't know the misery in which I have lived,' he said, "for
nothing could protect me from these spirits; and you don't know the times I
cursed you, and cursed the King for what he made me do to you, and cursed my
mother that I'd been born.'
"
'Oh, but we have not done this!' Mekare said. "We have kept faith with
you. For our lives we left you in peace. But it is Amel, the evil one, who has
done this! Oh, this evil spirit! And to think he has deviled you instead of the
King and Queen who made you do what you did! We cannot stop him! I beg you,
Khayman, let us go.'
"
'Whatever Amel does," I said, 'he will tire of, Khayman. If the King and
Queen are strong, he will eventually go away. You are looking now upon the
mother of your child, Khayman. Leave us in peace. For the child's sake, tell
the King and Queen that you could not find us. Let us go if you fear justice at
all.'
"But
he only stared at the child as if he did not know what it was. He was Egyptian.
Was this child Egyptian? He looked at us:
" 'All right,
you did not send this spirit,' he said. 'I believe you. For you do not
understand what this spirit has done, obviously. His bedeviling has come to an
end. He has gone into the King and Queen of Kemet! He is in their bodies! He
has changed the very substance of their flesh!'
"For
a long time, we looked at him and considered his words, and we understood that
he did not mean by this that the King and the Queen were possessed. And we
understood also that he himself had seen such things that he could not but come
for us himself and try on his life to bring us back.
"But
I didn't believe what he was saying. How could a spirit be made flesh!
"
'You do not understand what has happened in our kingdom,' he whispered. 'You
must come and see with your own eyes.' He stopped then because there was more,
much more, that he wanted to tell us, and he was afraid. Bitterly he said, 'You
must undo what has been done, even if it is not your doing!'
"Ah,
but we could not undo it. That was the horror. And even then we knew it; we
sensed it. We remembered our mother standing before the cave gazing at the tiny
wounds on her hand.
"Mekare
threw back her head now and called to Amel, the evil one, to come to her, to
obey her command. In our own tongue, the twin tongue, she screamed, "Come
out of the King and Queen of Kemet and come to me, Amel. Bow down before my
will. You did this not by my command.'
"It
seemed all the spirits of the world listened in silence; this was the cry of a
powerful witch; but there was no answer; and then we felt it-a great recoiling
of many spirits as if something beyond their knowledge and beyond their
acceptance had suddenly been revealed. It seemed the spirits were shrinking
from us; and then coming back, sad and undecided; seeking our love, yet repelled.
"
'But what is it?' Mekare screamed. 'What is it!' She called to the spirits who
hovered near her, her chosen ones. And then in the stillness, as the shepherds
waited in fear, and the soldiers stood in anticipation, and Khayman stared at
us with tired glazed eyes, we heard the answer. It came in wonder and
uncertainty.
"
'Amel has now what he has always wanted; Amel has the flesh. But Amel is no
more.'
"What
could it mean?
"We
could not fathom it. Again, Mekare demanded of the spirits that they answer,
but it seemed that the uncertainty of the spirits was now turning to fear.
"
'Tell me what has happened!' Mekare said. 'Make known to me what you know!' It
was an old command used by countless witches. 'Give me the knowledge which is
yours to give.'
"And
again the spirits answered in uncertainty:
"
' Amel is in the flesh; and Amel is not Amel; he cannot answer now.'
"
'You must come with me,' Khayman said. 'You must come. The King and Queen would
have you come!"
"Mutely,
and seemingly without feeling, he watched as I kissed my baby girl and gave her
to the shepherd women who would care for her as their own. And then Mekare and
I gave ourselves up to him; but this time we did not weep. It was as if all our
tears had been shed. Our brief year of happiness with the birth of Miriam was
past now-and the horror that had come out of Egypt was reaching out to engulf
us once more.
Maharet
closed her eyes for a moment; she touched the lids with her fingers, and then
looked up at the others, as they waited, each in his or her own thoughts and
considerations, each reluctant for the narrative to be broken, though they all
knew that it must.
The
young ones were drawn and weary; Daniel's rapt expression had changed little.
Louis was gaunt, and the need for blood was hurting him, though he paid it no
mind. "I can tell you no more now," Maharet said. "It's almost
morning; and the young ones must go down to the earth. I have to prepare the
way for them.
"Tomorrow
night we will gather here and continue. That is, if our Queen will allow. The
Queen is nowhere near us now; I cannot hear the faintest murmur of her
presence; I cannot catch the faintest flash of her countenance in another's
eyes. If she knows what we do, she allows it. Or she is far away and
indifferent, and we must wait to know her will.
"Tomorrow,
I'll tell you what we saw when we went into Kemet."
"Until
then, rest safe within the mountain. All of you. It has kept my secrets from
the prying eyes of mortal men for countless years. Remember not even the Queen
can hurt us until nightfall."
Marius
rose as Maharet did. He moved to the far window as the others slowly left the
room. It was as if Maharet's voice were still speaking to him. And what
affected him most deeply was the evocation of Akasha, and the hatred Maharet
felt for her; because Marius felt that hatred too; and he felt more strongly
than ever that he should have brought this nightmare to a close while he'd had
the power to do it.
But the
red-haired woman could not have wanted any such thing to happen. None of them
wanted to die any more than he did. And Maharet craved life, perhaps, more
fiercely than any immortal he'd ever known.
Yet her
tale seemed to confirm the hopelessness of it all. What had risen when the
Queen stood up from her throne? What was this being that had Lestat in its maw?
He could not imagine.
We
change, but we do not change, he thought. We grow wise, but we are fallible
things! We are only human for however long we endure, that was the miracle and the
curse of it.
He saw
again the smiling face he had seen as the ice began to fall. Is it possible
that he loved as strongly still as he hated? That in his great humiliation,
clarity had escaped him utterly? He honestly didn't know.
And he
was tired suddenly, craving sleep, craving comfort; craving the soft sensuous
pleasure of lying in a clean bed. Of sprawling upon it and burying his face in
a pillow; of letting his limbs assemble themselves in the most natural and
comfortable position.
Beyond
the glass wall, a soft radiant blue light was filling the eastern sky, yet the
stars retained their brilliance, tiny and distant though they seemed. The dark
trunks of the redwoods had become visible; and a lovely green smell had come
into the house from the forest as always happens near dawn.
Far
below where the hillside fell away and a clearing full of clover moved out to
the woods, Marius saw Khayman walking alone. His hands appeared to glow in the thin,
bluish darkness, and as he turned and looked back-up at Marius-his face was an
eyeless mask of pure white.
Marius
found himself raising his hand in a small gesture of friendship towards
Khayman. And Khayman returned the gesture and went on into the trees.
Then
Marius turned and saw what he already knew, that only Louis remained with him
in the room. Louis stood quite still looking at him as he had earlier, as
though he were seeing a myth made real.
Then he
put the question that was obsessing him, the question he could not lose sight
of, no matter how great was Maharet's spell. "You know whether or not
Lestat's still alive, don't you?" he asked. It had a simple human tone to
it, a poignant tone, yet the voice was so reserved.
Marius
nodded. "He's alive. But I don't really know that the way you think I do.
Not from asking or receiving the answer. Not from using all these lovely powers
which plague us. I know it simply because I know."
He
smiled at Louis. Something in the manner of this one made Marius happy, though
he wasn't sure why. He beckoned for Louis to come to him and they met at the
foot of the table and walked together out of the room. Marius put his arm
around Louis's shoulder and they went down the iron stairs together, through
the damp earth, Marius walking slowly and heavily, exactly like a human being
might walk.
"And
you're sure of it?" Louis asked respectfully.
Marius
stopped. "Oh, yes, quite sure." They looked at one another for a
moment, and again Marius smiled. This one was so gifted yet not gifted at the
same time; he wondered if the human light would go out of Louis's eyes if he
ever gained more power, if he ever had, for instance, a little of the blood of
Marius in his veins.
And
this young one was hungry too; he was suffering; and he seemed to like it, to
like the hunger and the pain.
"Let
me tell you something," Marius said now, agreeably. "I knew the first
moment I ever laid eyes on Lestat that nothing could kill him. That's the way
it is with some of us. We can't die." But why was he saying this? Did he
believe it again as he had before these trials had begun? He thought back to
that night in San Francisco when he had walked down the broad clean-swept
pavements of Market Street with his hands in his pockets, unnoticed by mortal
men.
"Forgive
me," Louis said, "but you remind me of the things they said of him at
Dracula's Daughter, the talk among the ones who wanted to join him last
night."
"I
know," Marius said. "But they are fools and I'm right." He
laughed softly. Yes, he did believe it. Then he embraced Louis again warmly.
Just a little blood, and Louis might be stronger, true, but then he might lose
the human tenderness, the human wisdom that no one could give another; the gift
of knowing others' suffering with which Louis had probably been born.
But the
night was over now for this one. Louis took Marius's hand, and then turned and
walked down the tin-walled corridor to where Eric waited to show him the way.
Then
Marius went up into the house.
He had perhaps
a full hour more before the sun forced him into sleep, and tired as he was, he
would not give it up. The lovely fresh smell of the woods was overpowering. And
he could hear the birds now, and the clear singing of a deep creek.
He went
into the great room of the adobe dwelling, where the fire had burnt down on the
central hearth. He found himself standing before a giant quilt that covered
almost half the wall.
Slowly
he realized what he was seeing before him-the mountain, the valley, and the
tiny figures of the twins as they stood together in the green clearing beneath
the burning sun. The slow rhythm of Maharet's speech came back to him with the
faint shimmer of all the images her words had conveyed. So immediate was that
sun-drenched clearing, and how different it seemed now from the dreams. Never
had the dreams made him feel close to these women! And now he knew them; he
knew this house.
It was
such a mystery, this mixture of feeling, where sorrow touched something that
was undeniably positive and good. Maharet's soul attracted him; he loved the
particular complexity of it, and he wished he could somehow tell her so.
Then it
was as if he caught himself; he realized that he had forgotten for a little
while to be bitter, to be in pain. Maybe his soul was healing faster than he
had ever supposed it could.
Or
maybe it was only that he had been thinking about others- about Maharet, and
before that about Louis, and what Louis needed to believe. Well, hell, Lestat
probably was immortal. In fact, the sharp and bitter fact occurred to him that
Lestat might survive all this even if he, Marius, did not.
But
that was a little supposition that he could do without. Where was Armand? Had
Armand gone down into the earth already? If only he could see Armand just now...
He went
towards the cellar door again but something distracted him. Through an open
doorway he saw two figures, very like the figures of the twins on the quilt.
But these were Maharet and Jesse, arm in arm before an eastern window, watching
motionless as the light grew brighter in the dark woods.
A
violent shudder startled him. He had to grip the door frame to steady himself
as a series of images flooded his mind. Not the jungle now; there was a highway
in the distance, winding north, it seemed, through barren burnt land. And the
creature had stopped, shaken, but by what? An image of two red-haired women? He
heard the feet begin their relentless tramp again; he saw the feet caked with
earth as if they were his feet; the hands caked with earth as if they were his
hands. And then he saw the sky catching fire, and he moaned aloud.
When he
looked up again, Armand was holding him. And with her bleary human eyes Maharet
was imploring him to tell her what he had just seen. Slowly the room came alive
around him, the agreeable furnishings, and then the immortal figures near him,
who were of it, yet of nothing. He closed his eyes and opened them again.
"She's
reached our longitude," he said, "yet she's miles to the east. The
sun's just risen there with blazing force." He had felt it, that lethal
heat! But she had gone into the earth; that too he had felt.
"But
it's very far south of here," Jesse said to him. How frail she looked in
the translucent darkness, her long thin fingers hugging the backs of her slender
arms.
"Not
so far," Armand said. "And she was moving very fast."
"But
in what direction does she move!" Maharet asked. "Is she coming
towards us?"
She
didn't wait for an answer. And it didn't seem that they could give it. She
lifted her hand to cover her eyes as if the pain there was now intolerable; and
then gathering Jesse to her, and kissing her suddenly, she bid the others good
sleep.
Marius
closed his eyes; he tried to see again the figure he had seen before. The
garment, what was it? A rough thing thrown over the body like a peasant poncho,
with a torn opening for the head. Bound at the waist, yes, he'd felt it. He
tried to see more but he could not. What he had felt was power, illimitable
power and unstoppable momentum, and almost nothing other than that. When he
opened his eyes again the morning shimmered in the room around him. Armand
stood close to him, embracing him still, yet Armand seemed alone and perturbed
by nothing; his eyes moved only a little as he looked at the forest, which now
seemed to press against the house through every window, as if it had crept to
the very edge of the porch.
Marius
kissed Armand's forehead. And then he did exactly what Armand was doing.
He watched
the room grow lighter; he watched the light fill the windowpanes; he watched
the beautiful colors brighten in the vast network of the giant quilt.
When I
awoke it was quiet, and the air was clean and warm, with the smell of the sea.
I was
now thoroughly confused as to time. And I knew from my light-headedness that I
had not slept through a day. Also I wasn't in any protective enclosure.
We'd
been following the night around the world, perhaps, or rather moving at random
in it, as Akasha maybe didn't need at all to sleep.
I
needed it, that was obvious. But I was too curious not to want to be awake. And
frankly too miserable. Also I'd been dreaming of human blood.
I found
myself in a spacious bedroom with terraces to the west and to the north. I
could smell the sea and I could hear it, yet the air was fragrant and rather
still. Very gradually, I took stock of the room.
Lavish
old furnishings, most likely Italian-delicate yet ornamented-were mingled with
modern luxuries everywhere I looked. The bed on which I lay was a gilded
four-poster, hung with gauzy curtains, and covered with down pillows and
draperies of silk. A thick white carpet concealed the old floor.
There
was a dressing table littered with glittering jars and silver objects, and a
curious old-fashioned white telephone. Velvet chairs; a monster of a television
set and shelves of stereo music equipment; and small polished tables
everywhere, strewn with newspapers, ashtrays, decanters of wine.
People
had lived here up till an hour ago; but now the people were dead. In fact,
there were many dead on this island. And as I lay there for a moment, drinking
in the beauty around me, I saw the village in my mind where we had been before.
I saw the filth, the tin roofs, the mud. And now I lay in this bower, or so it
seemed.
And
there was death here too. We had brought it.
I got
up off the bed and went out onto the terrace and looked down over the stone
railing at a white beach. No land on the horizon, only the gently rolling sea.
The lacy foam of the receding waves glistening under the moon. And I was in an
old weathered palazzo, probably built some four centuries ago, decked with urns
and cherubs and covered with stained plaster, a rather beautiful place. Electric
lights shone through the green-painted shutters of other rooms. Nestled on a
lower terrace just beneath me was a little swimming pool.
And
ahead where the beach curved to the left, I saw another old graceful dwelling
nestled into the cliffs. People had died in there too. This was a Greek island,
I was sure of it; this was the Mediterranean Sea.
When I
listened, I heard cries coming from the land behind me, over the crest of the
hill. Men being slain. I leaned against the frame of the door. I tried to stop
my heart from racing.
Some
sudden memory of the slaughter in Azim's temple gripped me-a flash of myself
walking through the human herd, using the invisible blade to pierce solid flesh.
Thirst. Or was it merely lust? I saw those mangled limbs again; wasted bodies
contorted in the final struggle, faces smeared with blood.
Not
my doing, I couldn't have...
But I had.
And now
I could smell fires burning, fires like those fires in Azim's courtyard where
the bodies were being burnt. The smell nauseated me. I turned towards the sea
again and took a deep clean breath. If I let them, the voices would come,
voices from all over the island, and from other islands, and from the nearby
land, too. I could feel it, the sound, hovering there waiting; I had to push it
back.
Then I
heard more immediate noise. Women in this old mansion. They were approaching
the bedchamber. I turned around just in time to see the double doors opened,
and the women, dressed in simple blouses and skirts and kerchiefs, come into
the room.
It was
a motley crowd of all ages, including young beauties and stout older matrons,
and even some rather frail creatures with darkly wrinkled skin and snow white
hair. They brought vases of flowers with them; they were placing them
everywhere. And then one of the women, a tentative slender thing with a
beautiful long neck, moved forward with beguiling natural grace, and began to
turn on the many lamps.
Smell
of their blood. How could it be so strong and so enticing, when I felt no
thirst?
Suddenly
they all came together in the center of the room and they stared at me; it was
as if they'd fallen into a trance. I was standing on the terrace, merely
looking at them; then I realized what they saw. My torn costume-the vampire
rags-black coat, white shirt, and the cloak-all spattered with blood.
And my
skin, that had changed measurably. I was whiter, more ghastly to look at, of
course. And my eyes must have been brighter; or maybe I was being deceived by
their naive reactions. When had they seen one of us before?
Whatever...
it all seemed to be some sort of dream, these still women with their black eyes
and their rather somber faces-even the stout ones had rather gaunt
faces-gathered there staring at me, and then their dropping one by one to their
knees. Ah, to their knees. I sighed. They had the crazed expression of people
who had been delivered out of the ordinary; they were seeing a vision and the
irony was that they looked like a vision to me.
Reluctantly,
I read their thoughts.
They
had seen the Blessed Mother. That is what she was here. The Madonna, the
Virgin. She'd come to their villages and told them to slaughter their sons and
husbands; even the babies had been slaughtered. And they had done it, or
witnessed the doing of it; and they were now carried upon a wave of belief and
joy. They were witnesses to miracles; they had been spoken to by the Blessed
Mother herself. And she was the ancient Mother, the Mother who had always dwelt
in the grottoes of this island, even before Christ, the Mother whose tiny naked
statues were now and then found in the earth.
In her
name they had knocked down the columns of the ruined temples, the ones the
tourists came here to see; they had burned the only church on the island; they
had knocked out its windows with sticks and stones. Ancient murals had burned
in the church. The marble columns, broken into fragments, had fallen into the
sea.
As for
me, what was I to them? Not merely a god. Not merely the chosen of the Blessed
Mother. No, something else. It puzzled me as I stood there, trapped by their
eyes, repelled by their convictions, yet fascinated and afraid.
Not of
them, of course, but of everything that was happening. Of this delicious
feeling of mortals looking at me, the way they had been looking when I'd been
on the stage. Mortals looking at me and sensing my power after all the years of
hiding, mortals come here to worship. Mortals like all those poor creatures
strewn over the path in the mountains. But they'd been worshipers of Azim,
hadn't they? They'd gone there to die.
Nightmare.
Have to reverse this, have to stop it; have to stop myself from accepting it or
any aspect of it!
I mean I
could start believing that I was really- But I know what I am, don't I? And
these are poor, ignorant women; women for whom television sets and phones are
miracles, these are women for whom change itself is a form of miracle... And
they will wake up tomorrow and they will see what they have done! But now the
feeling of peace came over us-the women and me. The familiar scent of flowers,
the spell. Silently, through their minds, the women were receiving their
instructions.
There
was a little commotion; two of them rose from their knees and entered an
adjoining bath-one of those massive marble affairs that wealthy Italians and
Greeks seem to love. Hot water was flowing; steam poured out of the open doors.
Other
women had gone to the closets, to take out clean garments. Rich, whoever he
was, the poor bastard who had owned this little palace, the poor bastard who
had left that cigarette in the ashtray and the faint greasy fingerprints on the
white phone. Another pair of women came towards me. They wanted to lead me into
the bath. I did nothing. I felt them touch me-hot human fingers touching me and
all the attendant shock and excitement in them as they felt the peculiar
texture of my flesh. It sent a powerful and delicious chill through me, these
touches. Their dark liquid eyes were beautiful as they looked at me. They
tugged at me with their warm hands; they wanted me to come with them. All
right. I allowed myself to be taken along. White marble tile, carved gold
fixtures; an ancient Roman splendor, when you got right down to it, with
gleaming bottles of soaps and scents lining marble shelves. And the Rood of hot
water in the pool, with the jets pumping it full of bubbles, it was all very
inviting; or might have been at some other time.
They
stripped my garments off me. Absolutely fascinating feeling. No one had ever
done such a thing to me. Not since I'd been alive and then only when I was a
very small child. I stood in the flood of steam from the bath, watching all
these small dark hands, and feeling the hairs rise all over my body; feeling
the adoration in the women's eyes. Through the steam I looked into the mirror-a
wall of mirror actually, and I saw myself for the first time since this
sinister odyssey had begun. The shock was more for a moment than I could handle.
This can't be me.
I was
much paler than I'd imagined. Gently I pushed the women away and went towards
the mirror wall. My skin had a pearlescent gleam to it; and my eyes were even
brighter, gathering all the colors of the spectrum and mingling them with an
icy light. Yet I didn't look like Marius. I didn't look like Akasha. The lines
in my face were still there!
In
other words I'd been bleached by Akasha's blood, but I hadn't become smooth
yet. I'd kept my human expression. And the odd thing was, the contrast now made
these lines all the more visible. Even the tiny lines all over my fingers were
more clearly etched than before.
But
what consolation was this when I was more than ever noticeable, astonishing,
unlike a human being? In a way, this was worse than that first moment two
hundred years ago, when an hour or so after my death I'd seen myself in a
mirror, and tried to find my humanity in what I was seeing. I was just as
afraid right now.
I
studied my reflection-my chest was like a marble torso in a museum, that white.
And the organ, the organ we don't need, poised as if ready for what it would
never again know how to do or want to do, marble, a Priapus at a gate.
Dazed,
I watched the women draw closer; lovely throats, breasts, dark moist limbs. I
watched them touch me all over again. I was beautiful to them, all right.
The
scent of their blood was stronger in here, in the rising steam. Yet I wasn't
thirsty, not really. Akasha had filled me, but the blood was tormenting me a
little. No, quite a lot.
I wanted
their blood-and it had nothing to do with thirst. I wanted it the way a man can
want vintage wine, though he's drunk water. Only magnify that by twenty or
thirty or a hundred. In fact, it was so powerful I could imagine taking all of
them, tearing at their tender throats one after another and leaving their
bodies lying here on the floor.
No,
this is not going to take place, I reasoned. And the sharp, dangerous quality
of this lust made me want to weep. What's been done to me! But then I knew,
didn't I? I knew I was so strong now that twenty men couldn't have subdued me.
And think what I could do to them. I could rise up through the ceiling if I
wanted to and get free of here. I could do things of which I'd never dreamed.
Probably I had the fire gift now; I could burn things the way she could burn
them, the way Marius said that he could. Just a matter of strength, that's all
it was. And dizzying levels of awareness, of acceptance...
The
women were kissing me. They were kissing my shoulders. Just a lovely little
sensation, the soft pressure of the lips on my skin. I couldn't help smiling,
and gently I embraced them and kissed them, nuzzling their heated little necks
and feeling their breasts against my chest. I was utterly surrounded by these
malleable creatures, I was blanketed in succulent human flesh.
I
stepped into the deep tub and allowed them to wash me. The hot water splashed
over me deliciously, washing away easily all the din that never really clings
to us, never penetrates us. I looked up at the ceiling and let them brush the
hot water through my hair.
Yes,
extraordinarily pleasurable, all of it. Yet never had I been so alone. I was
sinking into these mesmerizing sensations; I was drifting. Because really, there
was nothing else that I could do. When they were finished I chose the perfumes
that I wanted and told them to get rid of the others. I spoke in French but
they seemed to understand- Then they dressed me with the clothes I selected
from what they presented to me, The master of this house had liked handmade
linen shirts, which were only a little too large for me. And he'd liked
handmade shoes as well, and they were a tolerable fit.
I chose
a suit of gray silk, very fine weave, and rather jaunty modern cut. And silver
jewelry. The man's silver watch, and his cuff links which had tiny diamonds
embedded in them. And even a tiny diamond pin for the narrow lapel of the coat.
But all these clothes felt so strange on me; it was as if I could feel the
surface of my own skin yet not feel it. And there came that deja vu. Two
hundred years ago. The old mortal questions. Why in the hell is this happening?
How can I gain control of it?
I
wondered for a moment, was it possible not to care what happened? To stand back
from it and view them all as alien creatures, things upon which I fed? Cruelly
I'd been ripped out of their world! Where was the old bitterness, the old
excuse for endless cruelty? Why had it always focused itself upon such small
things? Not that a life is small. Oh, no, never, not any life! That was the
whole point actually. Why did I who could kill with such abandon shrink from
the prospect of seeing their precious traditions laid waste?
Why did
my heart come up in my throat now? Why was I crying inside, like something
dying myself?
Maybe
some other fiend could have loved it; some twisted and conscienceless immortal
could have sneered at her visions, yet slipped into the robes of a god as
easily as I had slipped into that perfumed bath.
But
nothing could give me that freedom, nothing. Her permissions meant nothing; her
power finally was but another degree of what we all possessed. And what we all
possessed had never made the struggle simple; it had made it agony, no matter
how often we won or lost.
It couldn't
happen, the subjugation of a century to one will; the design had to be foiled
somehow, and if I just maintained my calm, I'd find the key.
Yet
mortals had inflicted such horrors upon others; barbarian hordes had scarred
whole continents, destroying everything in their path. Was she merely human in
her delusions of conquest and domination? Didn't matter. She had inhuman means
to see her dreams made real!
I would
start weeping again if I didn't stop reaching now for the solution; and these
poor tender creatures around me would be even more damaged and confused than
before.
When I
lifted my hands to my face, they didn't move away from me. They were brushing
my hair. Chills ran down my back. And the soft thud of the blood in their veins
was deafening suddenly.
I told
them I wanted to be alone. I couldn't endure the temptation any longer. And I
could have sworn they knew what I wanted. Knew it, and were yielding to it.
Dark salty flesh so close to me. Too much temptation. Whatever the case, they
obeyed instantly, and a little fearfully. They left the room in silence,
backing away as if it weren't proper to simply walk out.
I
looked at the face of the watch. I thought it was pretty funny, me wearing this
watch that told the time. And it made me angry suddenly. And then the watch
broke! The glass shattered; everything flew out of the ruptured silver case.
The strap broke and the thing fell off my wrist onto the floor. Tiny glittering
wheels disappeared into the carpet.
"Good
God!" I whispered. Yet why not?-if I could rupture an artery or a heart.
But the point was to control this thing, to direct it, not let it escape like
that.
I
looked up and chose at random a small mirror, one standing on the dresser in a
silver frame. I thought Break and it exploded into gleaming fragments.
In the hollow stillness I could hear the pieces as they struck the walls and
the dresser top.
Well,
that was useful, a hell of a lot more useful than being able to kill people. I
stared at the telephone on the edge of the dresser. I concentrated, let the
power collect, then consciously subdued it and directed it to push the phone
slowly across the glass that covered the marble. Yes. All right. The little
bottles tumbled and fell as it was pushed into them. Then I stopped them; I couldn't
right them however. I couldn't pick them up. Oh, but wait, yes I could. I
imagined a hand righting them. And certainly the power wasn't literally obeying
this image; but I was using it to organize the power. I righted all the little
bottles. I retrieved the one which had fallen and put it back in place.
I was
trembling just a little. I sat on the bed to think this over, but I was too
curious to think. The important thing to realize was this: it was physical; it was
energy. And it was no more than an extension of powers I'd possessed before.
For example, even in the beginning, in the first few weeks after Magnus had
made me, I'd managed once to move another-my beloved Nicolas with whom I'd been
arguing-across a room as if I'd struck him with an invisible fist. I'd been in
a rage then; I hadn't been able to duplicate the little trick later. But it was
the same power; the same verifiable and measurable trait.
"You
are no god," I said. But this increase of power, this new dimension, as
they say so aptly in this century... Hmmmm... Looking up at the ceiling, I
decided I wanted to rise slowly and touch it, run my hands over the plaster
frieze that ran around the cord of the chandelier. I felt a queasiness; and
then I realized I was floating just beneath the ceiling. And my hand, why, it
looked like my hand was going through the plaster. I lowered myself a little
and looked down at the room.
Dear
God, I'd done this without taking my body with me! I was still sitting there,
on the side of the bed. I was staring at myself, at the top of my own head.
I-my body at any rate-sat there motionless, dreamlike, staring. Back.
And I was there again, thank God, and my body was all right, and then looking
up at the ceiling, I tried to figure what this was all about. Well, I knew what
it was all about, too. Akasha herself had told me how her spirit could travel
out of her body. And mortals had always done such things, or so they claimed.
Mortals had written of such invisible travel from the most ancient times.
I had
almost done it when I tried to see into Azim's temple, gone there to see,
and she had stopped me because when I left my body, my body had started to
fall. And long before that, there had been a couple of other times... But in
general, I'd never believed all the mortal stories.
Now I
knew I could do this as well. But I certainly didn't want to do it by accident.
I made the decision to move to the ceiling again but this time with my body,
and it was accomplished at once! We were there together, pushing against the
plaster and this time my hand didn't go through. All right.
I went
back down and decided to try the other again. Now only in spirit. The
queasy feeling came, I took a glance down at my body, and then I was rising right
through the roof of the palazzo. I was traveling out over the sea- Yet things
looked unaccountably different; I wasn't sure this was the literal sky or the
literal sea. It was more like a hazy conception of both, and I didn't like
this, not one bit. No, thank you. Going home now! Or should I bring my body to
me? I tried, but absolutely nothing happened, and that didn't surprise me
actually. This was some kind of hallucination. I hadn't really left my body,
and ought to just accept that fact.
And
Baby Jenks, what about the beautiful things Baby Jenks had seen when she went
up? Had they been hallucinations? I would never know, would I?
Back!
Sitting.
Side of the bed. Comfortable. The room. I got up and walked around for a few
minutes, merely looking at the flowers, and the odd way the white petals caught
the lamplight and how dark the reds looked; and how the golden light was caught
on the surfaces of the mirrors, all the other lovely things.
It was
overwhelming suddenly, the pure detail surrounding me; the extraordinary
complexity of a single room.
Then I
practically fell into the chair by the bed. I lay back against the velvet, and
listened to my heart pounding. Being invisible, leaving my body, I hated it! I
wasn't going to do it again!
Then I
heard laughter, faint, gentle laughter. I realized Akasha was there, somewhere
behind me, near the dresser perhaps.
There
was a sudden surge in me of gladness to hear her voice, to feel her presence.
In fact I was surprised at how strong these sensations were. I wanted to see
her but I didn't move just yet.
"This
traveling without your body-it's a power you share with mortals," she
said. "They do this little trick of traveling out of their bodies all the
time."
"I
know," I said dismally. "They can have it. If I can fly with my body,
that's what I intend to do."
She
laughed again; soft, caressing laughter that I'd heard in my dreams.
"In
olden times," she said, "men went to the temple to do this; they
drank the potions given them by the priests; it was in traveling the heavens
that men faced the great mysteries of life and death."
"I
know," I said again. "I always thought they were drunk or stoned out
of their minds as one says today."
"You're
a lesson in brutality," she whispered. "Your responses to things are
so swift."
"That's
brutal?" I asked. I caught a whiff again of the fires burning on the
island. Sickening. Dear God. And we talk here as if this isn't
happening, as if we hadn't penetrated their world with these horrors...
"And
flying with your body does not frighten you?" she asked.
"It
all frightens me, you know that," I said. "When do I discover the
limits? Can I sit here and bring death to mortals who are miles away?"
"No,"
she said. "You'll discover the limits rather sooner than you think. It's
like every other mystery. There really is no mystery."
I
laughed. For a split second I heard the voices again, the tide rising, and then
it faded into a truly audible sound-cries on the wind, cries coming from
villages on the island. They had burned the little museum with the ancient
Greek statues in it; and with the icons and the Byzantine paintings.
All
that art going up in smoke. Life going up in smoke.
I had
to see her suddenly. I couldn't find her in the mirrors, the way they were. I
got up.
She was
standing at the dresser; and she too had changed her garments, and the style of
her hair. Even more purely lovely, yet timeless as before. She held a small
hand mirror, and she was looking at herself in it; but it seemed she was not really
looking at anything; she was listening to the voices; and I could hear them
again too. A shiver went through me; she resembled her old self, the frozen
self sitting in the shrine.
Then
she appeared to wake; to look into the mirror again, and then at me as she put
the mirror aside.
Her
hair had been loosened; all those plaits gone. And now the rippling black waves
came down free over her shoulders, heavy, glossy, and inviting to kiss. The
dress was similar to the old one, as if the women had made it for her out of
dark magenta silk that she had found here. It gave a faint rosy blush to her
cheeks, and to her breasts which were only half covered by the loose folds that
went up over her shoulders, gathered there by tiny gold clasps.
The necklaces
she wore were all modern jewelry, but the profusion made them look archaic,
pearls and gold chains and opals and even rubies.
Against
the luster of her skin, all this ornament appeared somehow unreal! It was
caught up in the overall gloss of her person; it was like the light in her
eyes, or the luster of her lips.
She was
something fit for the most lavish palace of the imagination; something both
sensuous and divine. I wanted her blood again, the blood without fragrance and
without killing. I wanted to go to her and lift my hand and touch the skin
which seemed absolutely impenetrable but which would break suddenly like the
most fragile crust.
"All
the men on the island are dead, aren't they?" I asked. I shocked myself.
"All
but ten. There were seven hundred people on this island. Seven have been chosen
to live."
"And
the other three?"
"They
are for you."
I
stared at her. For me? The desire for blood shifted a little, revised itself,
included her and human blood-the hot, bubbling, fragrant kind, the kind that-
But there was no physical need. I could still call it thirst, technically, but
it was actually worse.
"You
don't want them?" she said, mockingly, smiling at me. "My reluctant
god, who shrinks from his duty? You know all those years, when I listened to
you, long before you made songs to me, I loved it that you took only the hard
ones, the young men. I loved it that you hunted thieves and killers; that you
liked to swallow their evil whole. Where's your courage now? Your
impulsiveness? Your willingness to plunge, as it were?"
"Are
they evil?" I said. "These victims who are waiting for me?"
She
narrowed her eyes for a momennt. "Is it cowardice finally?" she
asked. "Does the grandeur of the plan frighten? For surely the killing
means little."
"Oh,
but you're wrong," I said. "The killing always means something. But
yes, the grandeur of the plan terrifies me. The chaos, the total loss of all
moral equilibrium, it means everything. But that's not cowardice, is it?"
How calm I sounded. How sure of myself. It wasn't the truth, but she knew it.
"Let
me release you from all obligation to resist," she said. "You cannot
stop me. I love you, as I told you. I love to look at you. It fills me with
happiness. But you can't influence me. Such an idea is absurd."
We
stared at each other in silence. I was trying to find words to tell myself how
lovely she was, how like the old Egyptian paintings of princesses with shining
tresses whose names are now forever lost. I was trying to understand why my
heart hurt even looking at her; and yet I didn't care that she was beautiful; I
cared about what we said to each other.
"Why
have you chosen this way?" I asked.
"You
know why," she said
with a patient smile. "It is the best way. It is the only way; it is the clear
vision after centuries of searching for a solution."
"But
that can't be the truth, I can't believe it."
"Of
course it can. Do
you think this is impulse with me? I don't make my decisions as you do, my
prince. Your youthful exuberance is something I treasure, but such small
possibilities are long gone for me, You think in terms of lifetimes; in terms
of small accomplishments and human pleasures. I have thought out for thousands
of years my designs for the world that is now mine. And the evidence is overwhelming
that I must proceed as I have done. I cannot turn this earth into a garden, I
cannot create the Eden of human imagination-unless I eliminate the males almost
completely."
"And
by this you mean kill forty percent of the population of the earth? Ninety
percent of all males?"
"Do
you deny that this will put an end to war, to rape, to violence?"
"But
the point..."
"No,
answer my question. Do you deny that it will put an end to war, to rape, and to
violence?"
"Killing
everyone would put an end to those things!"
"Don't
play games with me. Answer my question."
"Isn't
that a game? The price is unacceptable. It's madness; it's mass murder; it's
against nature."
"Quiet
yourself- None of what you say is true. What is natural is simply what has been
done. And don't you think the peoples of this earth have limited in the past
their female children? Don't you think they have killed them by the millions,
because they wanted only male children so that those children could go to war?
Oh, you cannot imagine the extent to which such things have been done. And
so now they will choose female over male and there will be no war. And what of
the other crimes committed by men against women? If there were any nation on
earth which had committed such crimes against another nation, would it not be
marked for extermination? And yet nightly, daily, throughout this earth these
crimes are perpetrated without end."
"All
right, that's true. Undoubtedly that's true. But is your solution any better?
It's unspeakable, the slaughter of all things male. Surely if you want to
rule-" But even this to me was unthinkable. I thought of Marius's old
words, spoken long ago to me when we existed still in the age of powdered wigs
and satin slippers-that the old religion, Christianity, was dying, and maybe no
new religion would rise: "Maybe
something more wonderful will take place," Marius had said, "the
world will truly move forward, past all gods and goddesses, past all devils and
angels..."
Wasn't
that the destiny of this world, really? The destiny to which it was moving
without our intervention?
"Ah,
you are a dreamer, my beautiful one," she said harshly. "How you pick
and choose your illusions! Look to the eastern countries, where the desert
tribes, now rich on the oil they have pulled up from beneath the sands, kill
each other by the thousands in the name of Allah, their god! Religion is not
dead on this earth; it never will be. You and Marius, what chess players you
are; your ideas are nothing but chess pieces. And you cannot see beyond the
board on which you place them in this or that pattern as suits your small
ethical souls."
"You're
wrong," I said angrily. "Not about us perhaps. We don't matter.
You're wrong in all this that you've begun. You're wrong."
"No,
I am not wrong," she said. "And there is no one who can stop me, male
or female. And we shall see for the first time since man lifted the club to
strike down his brother, the world that women would make and what women have to
teach men. And only when men can be taught, will they be allowed to run free
among women again!"
"There
must be some other way! Ye gods, I'm a flawed thing, a weak thing, a thing no
better than most of the men who've ever lived. I can't argue for their lives now.
I couldn't defend my own. But, Akasha, for the love of all things living, I'm
begging you to turn away from this, this wholesale murder-"
"You
speak to me of murder? Tell me the value of one human life, Lestat. Is it not
infinite? And how many have you sent to the grave? We have blood on our hands,
all of us, just as we have it in our veins."
"Yes,
exactly. And we are not all wise and all knowing. I'm begging you to stop, to
consider... Akasha, surely Marius-"
"Marius!"
Softly she laughed. "What did Marius teach you? What did he give you? Really give
you!"
I
didn't answer. I couldn't. And her beauty was confusing me! So confusing to see
the roundness of her arms; the tiny dimple in her cheek.
"My
darling," she said, her face suddenly tender and soft as her voice was.
"Bring to mind your vision of the Savage Garden, in which aesthetic
principles are the only enduring principles-the laws that govern the evolution
of all things large and small, of colors and patterns in glorious profusion,
and beauty! Beauty everywhere one looks. That is nature. And death is
everywhere in it.
"And
what I shall make is Eden, the Eden all long for, and it shall be better than
nature! It shall take things a step further; and the utter abusive and amoral
violence of nature shall be redeemed. Don't you understand that men will never
do more than dream of peace? But women can realize that dream? My vision is
amplified in the heart of every woman. But it cannot survive the heat of male
violence! And that heat is so terrible that the earth itself may not
survive."
"What
if there's something you don't understand," I said. I was struggling,
grasping for the words. "Suppose the duality of masculine and feminine is
indispensable to the human animal. Suppose the women want the men; suppose they
rise against you and seek to protect the men. The world is not this little
brutal island! All women are not peasants blinded by visions!"
"Do
you think men are what women want?" she asked. She drew closer, her face
changing imperceptibly in the play of the light. "Is that what you're
saying? If it is so, then we shall spare a few more of the men, and keep them
where they may be looked at as the women looked at you, and touched as the
women touched you. We'll keep them where the women may have them when they want
them, and I assure you they shall not be used as women have been used by
men."
I
sighed. It was useless to argue. She was absolutely right and absolutely wrong.
"You
do yourself an injustice," she said. "I know your arguments. For centuries
I have pondered them, as I've pondered so many questions. You think I do what I
do with human limitations. I do not. To understand me, you must think in terms
of abilities yet unimagined. Sooner will you understand the mystery of
splitting atoms or of black holes in space."
"There
has to be a way without death. There has to be a way that triumphs over
death."
"Now
that, my beauty, is truly against nature," she said. "Even I cannot
put an end to death." She paused; she seemed suddenly distracted; or rather
deeply distressed by the words she'd just spoken. "An end to death,"
she whispered. It seemed some personal sorrow had intruded on her thoughts.
"An end to death," she said again. But she was drifting away from me.
I watched her close her eyes, and lift her fingers to her temples.
She was
hearing the voices again; letting them come. Or maybe even unable to stop them
for a moment. She said some words in an ancient tongue, and I didn't understand
them. I was struck by her sudden seeming vulnerability, the way the voices
seemed to be cutting her off; the way her eyes appeared to search the room and
then to fix on me and brighten.
I was
speechless and overwhelmed with sadness. How small had my visions of power
always been! To vanquish a mere handful of enemies, to be seen and loved by
mortals as an image; to find some place in the great drama of things which was
infinitely larger than I was, a drama whose study could occupy the mind of one
being for a thousand years. And we stood outside time suddenly; outside of
justice; capable of collapsing whole systems of thought. Or was it just an
illusion? How many others had reached for such power, in one form or another?
"They
were not immortals, my beloved." It was almost an entreaty.
"But
it's an accident that we are," I said. "We're things that never
should have come into existence."
"Don't
speak those words!"
"I
can't help it."
"It
doesn't matter now. You fail to grasp how little anything matters. I give you
no sublime reason for what I do because the reasons are simple and practical;
how we came into being is irrelevant. What matters is that we have survived.
Don't you see? That is the utter beauty of it, the beauty out of which all
other beauties will be born, that we have survived."
I shook
my head. I was in a panic. I saw again the museum that the villagers on this
island had only just burnt. I saw the statues blackened and lying on the floor.
An appalling sense of loss engulfed me.
"History
does not matter," she said. "Art does not matter; these things imply
continuities which in fact do not exist. They cater to our need for pattern,
our hunger for meaning. But they cheat us in the end. We must make the
meaning."
I
turned my back. I didn't want to be drugged by her resolution or her beauty; by
the glimmer of light in her jet black eyes. I felt her hands on my shoulders;
her lips against my neck.
"When
the years have passed," she said, "when my garden has bloomed through
many summers and gone to sleep through many winters; when the old ways of rape
and war are nothing but memory, and women watch the old films in mystification
that such things could ever have been done; when the ways of women are
inculcated into every member of the population, naturally, as aggression is now
inculcated, then perhaps the males can return. Slowly, their numbers can be
increased. Children will be reared in an atmosphere where rape is unthinkable,
where war is unimaginable. And then... then... there can be men. When the
world is ready for them."
"It
won't work. It can't work."
"Why
do you say so? Let us look to nature, as you wanted to do only moments ago. Go
out in the lush garden that surrounds this villa; study the bees in their hives
and the ants who labor as they have always done. They are female, my prince, by
the millions. A male is only an aberration and a matter of function. They
learned the wise trick a long time before me of limiting the males. And
we may now live in an age where males are utterly unnecessary. Tell me, my
prince, what is the primary use of men now, if it is not to protect women from
other men?"
"What
is it that makes you want me here!" I said desperately. I turned around to
face her again. "Why have you chosen me as your consort! For the love of
heaven, why don't you kill me with the other men! Choose some other immortal,
some ancient being who hungers for such power! There must be one. I don't want
to rule the world! I don't want to rule anything! I never did."
Her
face changed just a little. It seemed there was a faint, evanescent sadness in
her that made her eyes even deeper in their darkness for an instant. Her lip
quivered as if she wanted to say something but couldn't. Then she did answer.
"Lestat,
if all the world were destroyed, I would not destroy you," she said. "Your
limitations are as radiant as your virtues for reasons I don't understand
myself. But more truly perhaps, I love you because you are so perfectly what is
wrong with all things male. Aggressive, full of hate and recklessness, and
endlessly eloquent excuses for violence-you are the essence of masculinity; and
there is a gorgeous quality to such purity. But only because it can now be
controlled."
"By
you."
"Yes,
my darling. This is what I was born for. This is why I am here. And it does not
matter if no one ratifies my purpose. I shall make it so. Right now the world
burns with masculine fire; it is a conflagration. But when that is corrected,
your fire shall burn ever more brightly-as a torch burns."
"Akasha,
you prove my point! Don't you think the souls of women crave that very fire? My
God, would you tamper with the stars themselves?"
"Yes,
the soul craves it. But to see it in the blaze of a torch as I have indicated,
or in the flame of a candle. But not as it rages now through every forest and
over every mountain and in every glen. There is no woman alive who has ever
wanted to be burnt by it! They want the light, my beauty, the light! And the
warmth! But not the destruction. How could they? They are only women. They are
not mad."
"All
right. Say you accomplish your purpose. That you begin this revolution and it
sweeps the world-and mind you I don't think such a thing will happen! But if
you do, is there nothing under heaven that will demand atonement for the death
of so many millions? If there are no gods or goddesses, is there not some way
in which humans themselves-and you and I-shall be made to pay?"
"It
is the gateway to innocence and so it shall be remembered. And never again will
the male population be allowed to increase to such proportions, for who would
want such horrors again?"
"Force
the men to obey you. Dazzle them as you've dazzled the women, as you've dazzled
me."
"But
Lestat, that is just the point; they would never obey. Will you obey? They
would die first, as you would die. They would have another reason for
rebellion, as if any were ever wanting. They would gather together in
magnificent resistance. Imagine a goddess to fight. We shall see enough of that
by and by as it is. They cannot help but be men. And I could rule only through
tyranny, by endless killing. And there would be chaos. But this way, there
shall be a break in the great chain of violence. There shall be an era of utter
and perfect peace."
I was
quiet again. I could think of a thousand answers but they were all
short-circuited. She knew her purpose only too well. And the truth was, she was
right in many things she said.
Ah, but
it was fantasy! A world without males. What exactly would have been
accomplished? Oh, no. No, don't even accept the idea for a moment. Don't
even... Yet the vision returned, the vision I'd glimpsed in that miserable
jungle village, of a world without fear.
Imagine
trying to explain to them what men had been like. Imagine trying to explain
that there had been a time when one could be murdered in the streets of the
cities; imagine trying to explain what rape meant to the male of the species...
imagine. And I saw their eyes looking at me, the uncomprehending eyes as they
tried to fathom it, tried to make that leap of understanding. I felt their soft
hands touching me.
"But
this is madness!" I whispered.
"Ah,
but you fight me so hard, my prince," she whispered. There was a flash of
anger, hurt. She came near to me. If she kissed me again I was going to start
weeping. I'd thought I knew what beauty was in women; but she'd surpassed all
the language I had for it.
"My
prince," she said again in a low whisper. "The logic of it is
elegant. A world in which only a handful of males are kept for breeding shall
be a female world. And that world will be what we have never known in all our
bloody miserable history, in which men now breed germs in vials with which to
kill continents in chemical warfare, and design bombs which can knock the earth
from its path around the sun."
"What
if the women divide along principles of masculine and feminine, the way men so
often divide if there are no females there?"
"You
know that's a foolish objection. Such distinctions are never more than superficial.
Women are women! Can you conceive of war made by women? Truly, answer me. Can
you? Can you conceive of bands of roving women intent only on destruction? Or
rape? Such a thing is preposterous. For the aberrant few justice will be
immediate. But overall, something utterly unforeseen will take place. Don't you
see? The possibility of peace on earth has always existed, and there have
always been people who could realize it, and preserve it, and those people are
women. If one takes away the men."
I sat
down on the bed in consternation, like a mortal man. I put my elbows on my
knees. Dear God, dear God! Why did those two words keep coming to me? There was
no God! I was in the room with God.
She
laughed triumphantly.
"Yes,
precious one," she said. She touched my hand and turned me around and drew
me towards her. "But tell me, doesn't it excite you even a little?"
I
looked at her. "What do you mean?"
"You,
the impulsive one. You who made that child, Claudia, into a blood drinker, just
to see what would happen?" There was mockery in her tone but it was
affectionate. "Come now, don't you want to see what will happen if all the
males are gone? Aren't you even a little curious? Reach into your soul for the
truth. It is a very interesting idea, isn't it?"
I
didn't answer. Then I shook my head. "No," I said.
"Coward,"
she whispered.
No one
had ever called me that, no one.
"Coward,"
she said again. "Little being with little dreams."
"Maybe
there would be no war and no rape and no violence," I said, "if all
beings were little and had little dreams, as you put it."
She
laughed softly. Forgivingly.
"We
could argue these points forever," she whispered. "But very soon we
will know. The world will be as I would have it be; and we shall see what
happens as I said."
She sat
beside me. For a moment it seemed I was losing my mind. She slipped her smooth
naked arms around my neck. It seemed there had never been a softer female body,
never anything as yielding and luscious as her embrace. Yet she was so hard, so
strong.
The
lights in the room were dimming. And the sky outside seemed ever more vivid and
darkly blue.
"Akasha,"
I whispered. I was looking beyond the open terrace at the stars. I wanted to say
something, something crucial that would sweep away all arguments; but the
meaning escaped me. I was so drowsy; surely it was her doing. It was a spell
she was working, yet knowing it did not release me. I felt her lips again on my
lips, and on my throat. I felt the cool satin of her skin.
"Yes,
rest now, precious one. And when you wake, the victims will be waiting."
"Victims..."
Almost dreaming, as I held her in my arms.
"But
you must sleep now. You are young still and fragile. My blood's working on you,
changing you, perfecting you."
Yes,
destroying me; destroying my heart and my will. I was vaguely conscious of
moving, of lying down on the bed. I fell back into the silken pillows, and then
there was the silk of her hair near me, the touch of her fingers, and again,
her lips on my mouth. Blood in her kiss; blood thundering beneath it,
"Listen
to the sea," she whispered. "Listen to the flowers open. You can hear
them now, you know. You can hear the tiny creatures of the sea if you listen.
You can hear the dolphins sing, for they do." Drifting. Safe in her arms;
she the powerful one; she was the one they all feared.
Forget
the acrid smell of the burning bodies; yes, listen to the sea pounding like
guns on the beach beneath us; listen to the sound of a rose petal breaking
loose and falling onto marble. And the world is going to hell, and I cannot
help it, and I am in her arms and I am going to sleep.
"Hasn't
that happened a million times, my love?" she whispered. "On a world
full of suffering and death, you turned your back as millions of mortals do
every night?"
Darkness.
Splendid visions taking place; a palace even more lovely than this. Victims.
Servants. The mythical existence of pashas, and emperors.
"Yes,
my darling, anything that you desire. All the world at your feet. I shall build
you palace upon palace; they shall do it; they that worship you. That is
nothing. That is the simplest part of it. And think of the hunting, my prince.
Until the killing is done, think of the chase. For they would surely run from
you and hide from you, yet you would find them."
In the
dwindling light-just before dreams come-I could see it. I could see myself
traveling through the air, like the heroes of old, over the sprawling country
where their campfires flickered.
In
packs like wolves they would travel, through the cities as well as the woods,
daring to show themselves only by day; for only then would they be safe from
us. When night fell, we would come; and we would track them by their thoughts
and by their blood, and by the whispered confessions of the women who had seen
them and maybe even harbored them. Out in the open they might run, firing their
useless weapons. And we would swoop down; we would destroy them one by one, our
prey, save for those we wanted alive, those whose blood we would take slowly,
mercilessly.
And out
of that war shall come peace? Out of that hideous game shall come a garden?
I tried
to open my eyes. I felt her kiss my eyelids.
Dreaming.
A barren
plain and the soil breaking. Something rising, pushing the dried clods of earth
out of its way. I am this thing. This thing walking across the barren plain as
the sun sinks. The sky is still full of tight. I look down at the stained cloth
that covers me, but this is not me. I'm only Lestat. And I'm afraid. I wish
Gabrielle were here. And Louis. Maybe Louis could make her understand. Ah,
Louis, of all of us, Louis who always knew...
And
there is the familiar dream again, the red-headed women kneeling by the altar
with the body-their mother's body and they are ready to consume it. Yes, it's
their duty, their sacred right-to devour the brain and the heart. Except that
they never will because something awful always happens. Soldiers come... I wish
I knew the meaning.
Blood.
I woke up with a start. Hours had passed. The room had cooled faintly. The sky
was wondrously clear through the open windows.
From
her came all the light that filled the room. "The women are waiting, and
the victims, they are afraid." The victims. My head was spinning. The
victims would be full of luscious blood. Males who would have died anyway.
Young males all mine to take.
"Yes.
But come, put an end to their suffering." Groggily I got up. She wrapped a
long cloak over my shoulders, something simpler than her own garment, but warm
and soft to touch. She stroked my hair with her two hands.
"Masculine-feminine.
Is that all there ever was to it?" I whispered. My body wanted to sleep
some more. But the blood.
She
reached up and touched my cheek with her fingers. Tears again?
We went
out of the room together, and onto a long landing with a marble railing, from
which a stairs descended, turning once, into an immense room. Candelabra
everywhere. Dim electric lamps creating a luxurious gloom.
At the
very center, the women were assembled, perhaps two hundred or more of them,
standing motionless and looking up at us, their hands clasped as if in prayer.
Even in
their silence, they seemed barbaric, amid the European furniture, the Italian
hardwoods with their gilt edges, and the old fireplace with its marble scrolls.
I thought of her words suddenly: "history doesn't matter; art doesn't
matter." Dizzy. On the walls, there ran those airy eighteenth-century
paintings, full of gleaming clouds and fat-cheeked angels, and skies of
luminescent blue.
The
women stood looking past this wealth which had never touched them and indeed
meant nothing to them, looking up at the vision on the landing, which now
dissolved, and in a rush of whispered noise and colored light, materialized
suddenly at the foot of the stairs.
Sighs
rose, hands were raised to shield bowed heads as if from a blast of unwelcome
light. Then all eyes were fixed upon the Queen of Heaven and her consort, who
stood on the red carpet, only a few feet above the assembly, the consort a bit
shaken and biting his lip a little and trying to see this thing clearly, this
awful thing that was happening, this awful mingling of worship and blood
sacrifice, as the victims were brought forth.
Such
fine specimens. Dark-haired, dark-skinned, Mediterranean men. Every bit as
beautiful as the young women. Men of that stocky build and exquisite
musculature that has inspired artists for thousands of years. Ink black eyes
and darkly shaved faces; and deep cunning; and deep anger as they looked upon
these hostile supernatural creatures who had decreed the death of their
brothers far and wide.
With
leather straps they'd been bound-probably their own belts, and the belts of
dozens of others; but the women had done it well. Their ankles were tethered
even, so that they could walk but not kick or run. Naked to the waist they
were, and only one was trembling, as much with anger as with fear. Suddenly he
began to struggle. The other two turned, stared at him, and started to struggle
as well.
But the
mass of women closed on them, forcing them to their knees. I felt the desire
rise in me at the sight of it, at the sight of leather belts cutting into the dark
naked flesh of the men's arms. Why is this so seductive! And the women's hands
holding them, those tight menacing hands that could be so soft otherwise. They
couldn't fight so many women. Heaving sighs, they stopped the rebellion, though
the one who had started the struggle looked up, accusingly, at me.
Demons,
devils, things from hell, that is what his mind told him; for who else could
have done such things to his world? Oh, this is the beginning of darkness,
terrible darkness!
But the
desire was so strong. You are going to die and I am going to do it! And
he seemed to hear it, and to understand it. And a savage hatred of the women
rose out of him, replete with images of rape and retribution that made me
smile, and yet I understood. Rather completely I understood. So easy to feel
that contempt for them, to be outraged that they had dared to become the enemy,
the enemy in the age-old battle, they, the women! And it was darkness, this
imagined retribution, it was unspeakable darkness, too.
I felt
Akasha's fingers on my arm. The feeling of bliss came back; the delirium. I
tried to resist it, but I felt it as before. Yet the desire didn't go away. The
desire was in my mouth now. I could taste it.
Yes,
pass into the moment; pass into pure function; let the bloody sacrifice begin.
The
women went down on their knees en masse, and the men who were already kneeling
seemed to grow calm, their eyes glazing over as they looked at us, their lips
trembling and loose.
I
stared at the muscled shoulders of the first one, the one who had rebelled. I
imagined as I always do at such moments the feel of his coarse rough-shaven
throat when my lips would touch it, and my teeth would break through the
skin-not the icy skin of the goddess-but hot, salty human skin.
Yes,
beloved. Take him. He is the sacrifice that you deserve. You are a god now.
Take him. Do you
know how many wait for you?
It
seemed the women understood what to do. They lifted him as I stepped forward;
there was another struggle, but it was no more than a spasm in the muscles as I
took him into my arms.
My hand
closed too hard on his head; I didn't know my new strength, and I heard the
bones cracking even as my teeth went in. But the death came almost instantly,
so great was my first draught of blood. I was burning with hunger; and the
whole portion, complete and entire in one instant, had not been enough. Not
nearly enough!
At once
I took the next victim, trying to be slow with it, so that I would tumble into
the darkness as I'd so often done, with only the soul speaking to me. Yes,
telling me its secrets as the blood spurted into my mouth, as I let my mouth
fill before I swallowed. Yes, brother. I am sorry, brother. And then
staggering forward, I stepped on the corpse before me and crushed it underfoot.
"Give
me the last one."
No
resistance. He stared up at me in utter quiet, as if some light had dawned in
him, as if he'd found in theory or belief some perfect rescue. I pulled him to
me-gently, Lestat-and this was the real fount I wanted, this was the slow,
powerful death I craved, the heart pumping as if it would never stop, the sigh
slipping from his lips, my eyes clouded still, even as I let him go, with the
fading images of his brief and unrecorded life, suddenly collapsed into one
rare second of meaning.
I let
him drop. Now there was no meaning.
There
was only the light before me, and the rapture of the women who had at last been
redeemed through miracles.
The
room was hushed; not a thing stirred; the sound of the sea came in, that distant
monotonous booming.
Then
Akasha's voice:
The
sins of the men have now been atoned for; and those who are kept now, shall be
well cared for, and loved. But never give freedom to those who remain, those
who have oppressed you.
And
then soundlessly, without distinct words, the lesson came.
The
ravening lust which they had just witnessed, the deaths they had seen at my
hands-that was to be the eternal reminder of the fierceness that lived in all
male things and must never be allowed free again. The males had been sacrificed
to the embodiment of their own violence.
In sum,
these women had witnessed a new and transcendent ritual; a new holy sacrifice
of the Mass. And they would see it again; and they must always remember it.
My head
swam from the paradox. And my own small designs of not very long ago were there
to torment me. I had wanted the world of mortals to know of me. I had wanted to
be the image of evil in the theater of the world and thereby somehow do good.
And now
I was that image all right, I was its literal embodiment, passing through the
minds of these few simple souls into myth as she had promised. And there was a
small voice whispering in my ear, hammering me with that old adage: be careful
what you wish for; your wish might come true.
Yes,
that was the heart of it; all I'd ever wished for was coming true. In the
shrine I had kissed her and longed to awaken her, and dreamt of her power; and
now we stood together, she and I, and the hymns rose around us. Hosannas. Cries
of joy.
The
doors of the palazzo were thrown open.
And we
were taking our leave; we were rising in splendor and in magic, and passing out
of the doors, and up over the roof of the old mansion, and then out over the
sparkling waters into the calm sweep of the stars,
I had
no fear of falling anymore; I had no fear of anything so insignificant. Because
my whole soul-petty as it was and always had been-knew fears I'd never imagined
before.
She was
dreaming of killing. It was a great dark city like London or Rome, and she was
hurrying through it, on an errand of killing, to bring down the first sweet
human victim that would be her own. And just before she opened her eyes, she
had made the leap from the things she had believed all her life, to this simple
amoral act-killing. She had done what the reptile does when it hoists in its
leathery slit of a mouth the tiny crying mouse that it will crush slowly
without ever hearing that soft heartbreaking song.
Awake
in the dark; and the house alive above her; the old ones saying Come. A
television talking somewhere. The Blessed Virgin Mary had appeared on an island
in the Mediterranean Sea.
No
hunger. Maharet's blood was too strong. The idea was growing, beckoning like a
crone in a dark alley. Killing.
Rising
from the narrow box in which she lay, she tiptoed through the blackness until
her hands felt the metal door. She went into the hallway and looked up the
endless iron stairs, crisscrossing back over itself as if it were a skeleton,
and she saw the sky through the glass like smoke. Mael was halfway up, at the
door of the house proper, gazing down at her.
She
reeled with it-I am one of you and we are together-and the feel of the
iron rail under her hand, and some sudden grief, just a fleeting thing, for all
she had been before this fierce beauty had grabbed her by the hair.
Mael
came down as if to retrieve her, because it was carrying her away.
They
understood, didn't they, the way the earth breathed for her now, and the forest
sang, and the roots prowled the dark, coming through these earthen walls.
She
stared at Mael. Faint smell of buckskin, dust. How had she ever thought such
beings were human? Eyes glittering like that. And yet the time would come when
she would be walking among human beings again, and she would see their eyes
linger and then suddenly move away. She'd be hurrying through some dark city
like London or Rome. Looking into the eyes of Mael, she saw the crone again in
the alleyway; but it had not been a literal image. No she saw the alleyway, she
saw the killing, purely. And in silence, they both looked away at the same
instant, but not quickly, rather respectfully. He took her hand; he looked at
the bracelet he'd given her. He kissed her suddenly on the cheek. And then he
led her up the stairs towards the mountaintop room.
The
electronic voice of the television grew louder and louder, speaking of mass
hysteria in Sri Lanka. Women killing men. Even male babies murdered. On the
island of Lynkonos there had been mass hallucinations and an epidemic of
unexplained deaths.
Only
gradually did it dawn on her, what she was hearing. So it wasn't the Blessed
Virgin Mary, and she had thought how lovely, when she first heard it, that they
can believe something like that. She turned to Mael but he was looking ahead.
He knew these things. The television had been playing its words to him for an
hour.
Now she
saw the eerie blue flicker as she came into the mountaintop room. And the
strange spectacle of these her new brethren in the Secret Order of the Undead,
scattered about like so many statues, glowing in the blue light, as they stared
fixedly at the large screen.
"...
outbreaks in the past caused by contaminants in food or water. Yet no
explanation has been found for the similarity of the reports from widely
divergent places, which now include several isolated villages in the mountains
of Nepal. Those apprehended claim to have seen a beautiful woman, called
variously the Blessed Virgin, or the Queen of Heaven, or simply the Goddess,
who commanded them to massacre the males of their village, except for a few
carefully chosen to be spared. Some reports describe a male apparition also, a
fair-haired deity who does not speak and who as yet has no official or
unofficial title or name..."
Jesse
looked at Maharet, who watched without expression, one hand resting on the arm
of her chair.
Newspapers
covered the table. Papers in French and Hindustani as well as English.
"...
from Lynkonos to several other islands before the militia was called in. Early
estimates indicate some two thousand men may have been killed in this little
archipelago just off the tip of Greece."
Maharet
touched the small black control under her hand and the screen vanished. It
seemed the entire apparatus vanished, fading into the dark wood, as the windows
became transparent and the treetops appeared in endless, misted layers against
the violent sky. Far away, Jesse saw the twinkling lights of Santa Rosa cradled
in the dark hills. She could smell the sun that had been in this room; she could
feel the heat rising slowly through the glass ceiling.
She
looked at the others who were sitting there in stunned silence. Marius glared
at the television screen, at the newspapers spread out before him.
"We
have no time to lose," Khayman said quickly to Maharet. "You must
continue the tale. We don't know when she will come here."
He made
a small gesture, and the scattered newspapers were suddenly cleared away,
crushed together, and hurtling soundlessly into the fire which devoured them
with a gust that sent a shower of sparks up the gaping smokestack.
Jesse
was suddenly dizzy. Too fast, all of that. She stared at Khayman. Would she
ever get used to it? Their porcelain faces and their sudden violent
expressions, their soft human voices, and their near invisible movements?
And
what was the Mother doing? Males slaughtered. The fabric of life for these
ignorant people utterly destroyed. A cold sense of menace touched her. She
searched Maharet's face for some insight, some understanding.
But
Maharet's features were utterly rigid. She had not answered Khayman. She
turned towards the table slowly and clasped her hands under her chin. Her eyes
were dull, remote, as if she saw nothing before her.
"The
fact is, she has to be destroyed," Marius said, as if he could hold it in
no longer. The color flared in his cheeks, shocking Jesse, because all the
normal lines of a man's face had been there for an instant. And now they were
gone, and he was visibly shaking with anger. "We've loosed a monster, and
it's up to us to reclaim it."
"And
how can that be done?" Santino asked. "You speak as if it's a simple
matter of decision. You cannot kill her!"
"We
forfeit our lives, that's how it's done," Marius said. "We act in
concert, and we end this thing once and for all as it should have been ended
long ago." He glanced at them all one by one, eyes lingering on Jesse.
Then shifting to Maharet. "The body isn't indestructible. It isn't made of
marble. It can be pierced, cut. I've pierced it with my teeth. I've drunk its
blood!"
Maharet
made a small dismissive gesture, as if to say I know these things and you know
I know.
"And
as we cut it, we cut ourselves?" Eric said. "I say we leave here. I
say we hide from her. What do we gain staying in this place?"
"No!"
Maharet said.
"She'll
kill you one by one if you do that," Khayman said. "You're alive
because you wait now for her purpose."
"Would
you go on with the story," Gabrielle said, speaking directly to Maharet.
She'd been withdrawn all this time, only now and then listening to the others.
"I want to know the rest," she said. "I want to hear
everything." She sat forward, arms folded on the table.
"You
think you'll discover some way to vanquish her in these old tales?" Eric
asked. "You're mad if you think that."
"Go
on with the story, please," Louis said. "I want to..." He
hesitated. "I want to know what happened also."
Maharet
looked at him for a long moment.
"Go
on, Maharet," Khayman said. "For in all likelihood, the Mother will be
destroyed and we both know how and why, and all this talk means nothing."
"What
can prophecy mean now, Khayman?" Maharet asked, her voice low,
devitalized. "Do we fall into the same errors that ensnare the Mother? The
past may instruct us. But it won't save us."
"Your
sister comes, Maharet. She comes as she said she would."
"Khayman,"
Maharet said with a long, bitter smile.
"Tell
us what happened," Gabrielle said.
Maharet
sat still, as if trying to find some way to begin. The sky beyond the windows darkened
in the interval. Yet a faint tinge of red appeared in the far west, growing
brighter and brighter against the gray clouds. Finally, it faded, and they were
wrapped in absolute darkness, except for the light of the fire, and the dull
sheen of the glass walls which had become mirrors.
"Khayman
took you to Egypt," Gabrielle said. "What did you see there?"
"Yes,
he took us to Egypt," Maharet said. She sighed as she sat back in the
chair, her eyes fixed on the table before her. "There was no escape from
it; Khayman would have taken us by force.
"And in
truth, we accepted that we had to go. Through twenty generations, we had gone
between man and the spirits. If Amel had done some great evil, we would try to
undo it. Or at least... as I said to you when we first came to this table... we
would seek to understand.
"I
left my child. I left her in the care of those women I trusted most. I kissed
her. I told her secrets. And then I left her, and we set out, carried in the
royal litter as if we were guests of the King and Queen of Kemet and not
prisoners, just as before.
"Khayman
was gentle with us on the long march, but grim and silent, and refusing to meet
our gaze. And it was just as well, for we had not forgotten our injuries. Then
on the very last night when we camped on the banks of the great river, which we
would cross in the morning to reach the royal palace, Khayman called us into
his tent and told us all that he knew.
"His
manner was courteous, decorous. And we tried to put aside our personal suspicions
of him as we listened. He told us of what the demon-as he called it-had done.
"Only
hours after we had been sent out of Egypt, he had known that something was
watching him, some dark and evil force. Everywhere that he went, he felt this presence,
though in the light of day it tended to wane.
"Then
things within his house were altered-little things which others did not notice.
He thought at first he was going mad. His writing things were misplaced; then
the seal which he used as great steward. Then at random moments-and always when
he was alone-these objects came flying at him, striking him in the face, or
landing at his feet. Some turned up in ridiculous places. He would find the
great seal, for instance, in his beer or his broth.
"And
he dared not tell the King and Queen. He knew it was our spirits who were doing
it; and to tell would be a death sentence for us.
"And
so he kept this awful secret, as things grew worse and worse. Ornaments which
he had treasured from childhood were now sent to pieces and made to rain down
upon him. Sacred amulets were hurled into the privy; excrement was taken from
the well and smeared upon the walls.
"He
could barely endure his own house, yet he admonished his slaves to tell no one,
and when they ran off in fear, he attended to his own toilet and swept the
place like a lowly servant himself.
"But
he was now in a state of terror. Something was there with him in his house. He
could hear its breath upon his face. And now and then he would swear that he
felt its needlelike teeth.
"At
last in desperation he began to talk to it, beg it to get out. But this seemed
only to increase its strength. With the talking, it redoubled its power. It
emptied his purse upon the stones and made the gold coins jingle against each
other all night long. It upset his bed so that he landed on his face on the
floor. It put sand in his food when he wasn't looking.
"Finally
six months had passed since we had left the kingdom. He was growing frantic.
Perhaps we were beyond danger. But he could not be sure, and he did not know
where to turn, for the spirit was really frightening him.
"Then
in the dead of night, as he lay wondering what the thing was up to, for it had
been so quiet, he heard suddenly a great pounding at his door. He was in
terror. He knew he shouldn't answer, that the knocking didn't come from a human
hand. But finally he could bear it no longer. He said his prayers; he threw
open the door. And what he beheld was the horror of horrors- the rotted mummy
of his father, the filthy wrappings in tatters, propped against the garden
wall.
"Of
course, he knew there was no life in the shrunken face or dead eyes that stared
at him. Someone or something had unearthed the corpse from its desert mastaba
and brought it there. And this was the body of his father, putrid, stinking;
the body of his father, which by all things holy, should have been consumed in
a proper funeral feast by Khayman and his brothers and sisters.
"Khayman
sank to his knees weeping, half screaming. And then, before his unbelieving
eyes, the thing moved! The thing began to dance! Its limbs were jerked hither
and thither, the wrappings breaking to bits and pieces, until Khayman ran into
the house and shut the door against it. And then the corpse was flung, pounding
its fist it seemed, upon the door, demanding entrance.
"Khayman
called on all the gods of Egypt to be rid of this monstrosity. He called out to
the palace guards; he called to the soldiers of the King. He cursed the demon
thing and ordered it to leave him; and Khayman became the one flinging objects
now, and kicking the gold coins about in his rage.
"All
the palace rushed through the royal gardens to Khayman's house. But the demon
now seemed to grow even stronger. The shutters rattled and then were torn from
their pivots. The few bits of fine furniture which Khayman possessed began to
skitter about.
"Yet
this was only the beginning. At dawn when the priests entered the house to
exorcise the demon, a great wind came out of the desert, carrying with it torrents
of blinding sand. And everywhere Khayman went, the wind pursued him; and
finally he looked down to see his arms covered with tiny pinpricks and tiny
droplets of blood. Even his eyelids were assaulted. In a cabinet he flung
himself to get some peace. And the thing tore up the cabinet. And all fled from
it. And Khayman was left crying on the floor.
"For
days the tempest continued. The more the priests prayed and sang, the more the
demon raged.
"The
King and Queen were beside themselves in consternation. The priests cursed the
demon. The people blamed it upon the red-haired witches. They cried that we
should never have been allowed to leave the land of Kemet. We should be found
at all costs and brought back to be burnt alive. And then the demon would be
quiet.
"But
the old families did not agree with this verdict. To them the judgment was
clear. Had not the gods unearthed the putrid body of Khayman's father, to show
that the flesh eaters had always done what was pleasing to heaven? No, it was
the King and Queen who were evil, the King and Queen who must die. The King and
Queen who had filled the land with mummies and superstition.
"The
kingdom, finally, was on the verge of civil war.
"At
last the King himself came to Khayman, who sat weeping in his house, a garment
drawn over him like a shroud. And the King talked to the demon, even as the
tiny bites afflicted Khayman and made drops of blood on the cloth that covered
Khayman.
"
'Now think what those witches told us,' the King said. These are but spirits,
not demons. And they can be reasoned with. If only I could make them hear me as
the witches could; and make them answer.'
"But
this little conversation only seemed to enrage the demon. It broke what little
furniture it had not already smashed. It tore the door off its pivots; it
uprooted the trees from the garden and flung them about. In fact, it seemed to
forget Khayman altogether for the moment, as it went tearing through the palace
gardens destroying all that it could.
"And
the King went after it, begging it to recognize him and to converse with him,
and to impart to him its secrets. He stood in the very midst of the whirlwind
created by this demon, fearless and en rapt.
"Finally
the Queen appeared. In a loud piercing voice she addressed the demon too. 'You
punish us for the affliction of the red-haired sisters!' she screamed. 'But why
do you not serve us instead of them!' At once the demon tore at her clothes and
greatly afflicted her, as it had done to Khayman before. She tried to cover her
arms and her face, but it was impossible. And so the King took hold of her and
together they ran back to Khayman's house.
"
'Now, go,' said the King to Khayman. 'Leave us alone with this thing for I will
learn from it, I will understand what it wants.' And calling the priests to
him, he told them through the whirlwind what we had said, that the spirit hated
mankind because we were both spirit and flesh. But he would ensnare it and
reform it and control it. For he was Enkil, King of Kemet, and he could do this
thing.
"Into
Khayman's house, the King and the Queen went together, and the demon went with
them, tearing the place to pieces, yet there they remained. Khayman, who was
now free of the thing, lay on the floor of the palace exhausted, fearing for
his sovereigns but not knowing what to do.
"The
entire court was in an uproar; men fought one another; women wept, and some
even left the palace for fear of what was to come.
"For
two whole nights and days, the King remained with the demon; and so did the
Queen. And then the old families, the flesh eaters, gathered outside the house.
The King and Queen were in error; it was time to seize the future of Kemet. At
nightfall, they went into the house on their deadly errand with daggers raised.
They would kill the King and Queen; and if the people raised any outcry, then
they would say that the demon had done it; and who could say that the demon had
not? And would not the demon stop when the King and Queen were dead, the King
and Queen who had persecuted the red-haired witches?
"It
was the Queen who saw them coming; and as she rushed forward, crying in alarm,
they thrust their daggers into her breast and she sank down dying. The King ran
to her aid, and they struck him down too, just as mercilessly; and then they
ran out of the house, for the demon had not stopped his persecutions.
"Now
Khayman, all this while, had knelt at the very edge of the garden, deserted by
the guards who had thrown in with the flesh eaters. He expected to die with
other servants of the royal family. Then he heard a horrid wailing from the
Queen. Sounds such as he had never heard before. And when the flesh eaters
heard these sounds, they deserted the place utterly.
"It
was Khayman, loyal steward to the King and Queen, who snatched up a torch and
went to the aid of his master and mistress.
"No
one tried to stop him. All crept away in fear. Khayman alone went into the
house.
"It
was pitch-black now, save for the torchlight. And this is what Khayman saw:
"The
Queen lay on the floor writhing as if in agony, the blood pouring from her
wounds, and a great reddish cloud enveloped her; it was like a whirlpool
surrounding her, or rather a wind sweeping up countless tiny drops of blood.
And in the midst of this swirling wind or rain or whatever it could be called,
the Queen twisted and turned, her eyes rolling up in her head. The King lay
sprawled on his back.
"All
instinct told Khayman to leave this place. To get as far away from it as he
could. At that moment, he wanted to leave his homeland forever. But this was
his Queen, who lay there gasping for breath, her back arched, her hands clawing
at the floor.
"Then
the great blood cloud that veiled her, swelling and contracting around her,
grew denser and, all of a sudden, as if drawn into her wounds disappeared. The
Queen's body went still; then slowly she sat upright, her eyes staring forward,
and a great guttural cry broke from her before she fell quiet.
"There
was no sound whatsoever as the Queen stared at Khayman, except for the
crackling of the torch.- And then hoarsely the Queen began to gasp again, her
eyes widening, and it seemed she should die; but she did not. She shielded her
eyes from the bright light of the torch as though it was hurting her, and she
turned and saw her husband lying as if dead at her side.
"She
cried a negation in her agony; it could not be so. And at the same instant,
Khayman beheld that all her wounds were healing; deep gashes were no more than
scratches upon the surface of her skin.
"
'Your Highness!' he said. And he came towards her as she crouched weeping and
staring at her own arms, which had been torn with the slashes of the daggers,
and at her own breasts, which were whole again. She was whimpering piteously as
she looked at these healing wounds. And suddenly with her long nails, she tore
at her own skin and the blood gushed out and yet the wound healed!
"
'Khayman, my Khayman!' she screamed, covering her eyes so that she did not see
the bright torch. 'What has befallen me!' And her screams grew louder and
louder; and she fell upon the King in panic, crying, 'Enkil, help me. Enkil, do
not die!' and all the other mad things that one cries in the midst of disaster.
And then as she stared down at the King, a great ghastly change came over her,
and she lunged at the King, as if she were a hungry beast, and with her long
tongue, she lapped at the blood that covered his throat and his chest.
"Khayman
had never seen such a spectacle. She was a lioness in the desert lapping the
blood from a tender kill. Her back was bowed, and her knees were drawn up, and
she pulled the helpless body of the King towards her and bit the artery in his
throat.
"Khayman
dropped the torch. He backed halfway from the open door. Yet even as he meant
to run for his life, he heard the King's voice. Softly the King spoke to her.
'Akasha,' he said. 'My Queen.' And she, drawing up, shivering, weeping, stared
at her own body, and at his body, at her smooth flesh, and his torn still by so
many wounds. 'Khayman,' she cried. 'Your dagger. Give it to me. For they have
taken their weapons with them. Your dagger. I must have it now.'
"At
once Khayman obeyed, though he thought it was to see his King die once and for
all. But with the dagger the Queen cut her own wrists and watched the blood
pour down upon the wounds of her husband, and she saw it heal them. And crying
out in her excitement, she smeared the blood all over his torn face.
"The
King's wounds healed. Khayman saw it. Khayman saw the great gashes closing. He
saw the King tossing, heaving his arms this way and that. His tongue lapped at
Akasha's spilt blood as it ran down his face. And then rising in that same
animal posture that had so consumed the Queen only moments before, the King
embraced his wife, and opened his mouth on her throat.
"Khayman
had seen enough. In the flickering light of the dying torch these two pale
figures had become haunts to him, demons themselves. He backed out of the
little house and up against the garden wall. And there it seems he lost
consciousness, feeling the grass against his face as he collapsed.
"When
he waked, he found himself lying on a gilded couch in the Queen's chambers. All
the palace lay quiet. He saw that his clothes had been changed, and his face
and hands bathed, and that there was only the dimmest light here and sweet
incense, and the doors were open to the garden as if there was nothing to fear.
"Then
in the shadows, he saw the King and the Queen looking down at him; only this
was not his King and not his Queen. It seemed then that he would cry out; he
would give voice to screams as terrible as those he had heard from others; but
the Queen quieted him.
"
'Khayman, my Khayman,' she said. She handed to him his beautiful gold-handled
dagger, 'You have served us well.'
"There
Khayman paused in his story. 'Tomorrow night,' he said, 'when the sun sets, you
will see for yourselves what has happened. For then and only then, when all the
light is gone from the western sky, will they appear together in the rooms of
the palace, and you will see what I have seen.
"
'But why only in the night?' I asked him. 'What is the significance of this?'
"And
then he told us, that not one hour after he'd waked, even before the sun had
risen, they had begun to shrink from the open doors of the palace, to cry that
the light hurt their eyes. Already they had fled from torches and lamps; and
now it seemed the morning was coming after them; and there was no place in the
palace that they could hide.
"In
stealth they left the palace, covered in garments. They ran with a speed no
human being could match. They ran towards the mastabas or tombs of the old
families, those who had been forced with pomp and ceremony to make mummies of
their dead. In sum, to the sacred places which no one would desecrate, they ran
so fast that Khayman could not follow them. Yet once the King stopped. To the
sun god, Ra, he called out for mercy. Then weeping, hiding their eyes from the
sun, crying as if the sun burnt them even though its light had barely come into
the sky, the King and the Queen disappeared from Khayman's sight.
"
'Not a day since have they appeared before sunset; they come down out of the
sacred cemetery, though no one knows from where. In fact the people now wait
for them in a great multitude, hailing them as the god and the goddess, the
very image of Osiris and Isis, deities of the moon, and tossing flowers before
them, and bowing down to them.
"
'For the tale spread far and wide that the King and Queen had vanquished death
at the hands of their enemies by some celestial power; that they are gods,
immortal and invincible; and that by that same power they can see into men's
hearts. No secret can be kept from them; their enemies are immediately
punished; they can hear the words one speaks only in one's head. All fear them.
"
'Yet I know as all their faithful servants know that they cannot bear a candle
or a lamp too close to them; that they shriek at the bright light of a torch;
and that when they execute their enemies in secret, they drink their blood!
They drink it, I tell you. Like jungle cats, they feed upon these victims; and
the room after is as a lion's den. And it is I, Khayman, their trusted steward,
who must gather these bodies and heave them into the pit.' And then Khayman
stopped and gave way to weeping.
"But
the tale was finished; and it was almost morning. The sun was rising over the
eastern mountains; we made ready to cross the mighty Nile. The desert was
warming; Khayman walked to the edge of the river as the first barge of soldiers
went across. He was weeping still as he saw the sun come down upon the river;
saw the water catch fire.
"
The sun god, Ra, is the oldest and greatest god of all Kemet,' he whispered.
'And this god has turned against them. Why? In secret they weep over their
fate; the thirst maddens them; they are frightened it will become more than
they can bear. You must save them. You must do it for our people. They have not
sent for you to blame you or harm you. They need you. You are powerful witches.
Make this spirit undo his work.' And then looking at us, remembering all that
had befallen us, he gave way to despair.
"Mekare
and I made no answer. The barge was now ready to carry us to the palace. And we
stared across the glare of the water at the great collection of painted
buildings that was the royal city, and we wondered what the consequences of
this horror would finally be.
"As
I stepped down upon the barge, I thought of my child, and I knew suddenly I
should die in Kemet. I wanted to close my eyes, and ask the spirits in a small
secret voice if this was truly meant to happen, yet I did not dare. I could not
have my last hope taken from me."
Maharet
tensed.
Jesse saw
her shoulders straighten; saw the fingers of her right hand move against the
wood, curling and then opening again, the gold nails gleaming in the firelight.
"I
do not want you to be afraid," she said, her voice slipping into monotone.
"But you should know that the Mother has crossed the great eastern sea.
She and Lestat are closer now..."
Jesse
felt the current of alarm passing through all those at the table. Maharet
remained rigid, listening, or perhaps seeing; the pupils of her eyes moving
only slightly.
"Lestat
calls," Maharet said. "But it is too faint for me to hear words; too
faint, for pictures. He is not harmed, however; that much I know, and that I
have little time now to finish this story..."
The
Caribbean. Haiti. The Garden of God.
I stood
on the hilltop in the moonlight and I tried not to see this paradise. I tried
to picture those I loved. Were they gathered still together in that fairy-tale
wood of monster trees, where I had seen my mother walking? If only I could see
their faces or hear their voices. Marius, do not be the angry father. Help me!
Help us all! I do not give in, but I am losing. I am losing my soul and my
mind. My heart is already gone. It belongs to her.
But
they were beyond my reach; the great sweep of miles closed us off; I had not
the power to overarch that distance.
I
looked instead on these verdant green hills, now patched with tiny farms, a
picture book world with flowers blooming in profusion, the red poinsettia as
tall as trees. And the clouds, ever changing, borne like the tall sailing ships
on brisk winds. What had the first Europeans thought when they looked upon this
fecund land surrounded by the sparkling sea? That this was the Garden of God?
And to
think, they had brought such death to it, the natives gone within a few short
years, destroyed by slavery, disease, and endless cruelty. Not a single blood
descendant remains of those peaceful beings who had breathed this balmy air,
and plucked the fruit from the trees which ripened all year round, and thought
their visitors gods perhaps, who could not but return their kindness.
Now,
below in the streets of Port-au-Prince, riots and death, and not of our making.
Merely the unchanging history of this bloody place, where violence has flourished
for four hundred years as flowers flourish; though the vision of the hills
rising into the mist could break the heart.
But we
had done our work all right, she because she did it, and I because I did
nothing to stop it-in the small towns strewn along the winding road that led to
this wooded summit. Towns of tiny pastel houses, and banana trees growing wild,
and the people so poor, so hungry. Even now the women sang their hymns and, by
the light of candles and the burning church, buried the dead.
We were
alone. Far beyond the end of the narrow road; where the forest grew again,
hiding the ruins of this old house that had once overlooked the valley like a
citadel. Centuries since the planters had left here; centuries since they
danced and sang and drank their wine within these shattered rooms while the
slaves wept.
Over
the brick walls, the bougainvillea climbed, fluorescent in the light of the
moon. And out of the flagstone floor a great tree had risen, hung with moon
blossoms, pushing back with its gnarled limbs the last remnants of the old
timbers that had once held the roof.
Ah, to
be here forever, and with her. And for the rest to be forgotten. No death, no
killing.
She
sighed; she said: "This is the Kingdom of Heaven."
In the tiny
hamlet below, the women had run barefoot after the men with clubs in hand. And
the voodoo priest had screamed his ancient curses as they caught him in the
graveyard. I had left the scene of the carnage; I'd climbed the mountain alone.
Fleeing, angry, unable any longer to bear witness.
And she
had come after, finding me in this ruin, clinging to something that I could
understand. The old iron gate, the rusted bell; the brick pillars swathed in
vines; things, fashioned by hands, which had endured. Oh, how she had mocked
me.
The
bell that had called the slaves, she said; this was the dwelling place of those
who'd drenched this earth in blood; why was I hurt and driven here by the hymns
of simple souls who had been exalted? Would that every such house had fallen to
ruin. We had fought. Really fought, as lovers fight.
"Is
that what you want?" she had said. "Not ever to taste blood
again?"
"I
was a simple thing, dangerous yes, but simple. I did what I did to stay
alive."
"Oh,
you sadden me. Such lies. Such lies. What must I do to make you see? Are you so
blind, so selfish!"
I'd
glimpsed it again, the pain in her face, the sudden flash of hurt that
humanized her utterly. I'd reached out for her.
And for
hours we had been in each other's arms, or so it seemed.
And now
the peace and the stillness; I walked back from the edge of the cliff, and I
held her again. I heard her say as she looked up at the great towering clouds
through which the moon poured forth its eerie light: "This is the Kingdom
of Heaven."
It did
not matter anymore such simple things as lying down together, or sitting on a
stone bench. Standing, my arms wound around her, this was pure happiness. And
I'd drunk the nectar again, her nectar, even though I'd been weeping, and
thinking ah, well, you are being dissolved as a pearl in wine. You're gone, you
little devil-you're gone, you know-into her. You stood and watched them die;
you stood and watched.
"There
is no life without death," she whispered. "I am the way now, the way
to the only hope of life without strife that there may ever be." I felt
her lips on my mouth. I wondered, would she ever do what she had done in the
shrine? Would we lock together like that, taking the heated blood from each
other?
"Listen
to the singing in the villages, you can hear it."
"Yes."
"And
then listen hard for the sounds of the city far below. Do you know how much
death is in that city tonight? How many have been massacred? Do you know how many
more will die at the hands of men, if we do not change the destiny of this
place? If we do not sweep it up into a new vision? Do you know how long this
battle has gone on?"
Centuries
ago, in my time, this had been the richest colony of the French crown. Rich in
tobacco, indigo, coffee. Fortunes had been made here in one season. And now the
people picked at the earth; barefoot they walked through the dirt streets of
their towns; machine guns barked in the city of Port-au-Prince; the dead in
colored cotton shirts lay in heaps on the cobblestones. Children gathered water
in cans from the gutters. Slaves had risen; slaves had won; slaves had lost
everything.
But it
is their destiny; their world; they who are human.
She
laughed softly. "And what are we? Are we useless? How do we justify what
we are! How do we stand back and watch what we are unwilling to alter?"
"And
suppose it is wrong," I said, "and the world is worse for it, and it
is all horror finally-unrealizable, unexecutable, what then? And all those men
in their graves, the whole earth a graveyard, a funeral pyre. And nothing is
better. And it's wrong, wrong."
"Who's
to tell you it is wrong?"
I
didn't answer.
"Marius?"
How scornfully she laughed. "Don't you realize there are no fathers now?
Angry or no?"
"There
are brothers. And there are sisters," I said. "And in each other we
find our fathers and mothers, isn't that so?"
Again
she laughed, but it was gentle.
"Brothers
and sisters," she said. "Would you like to see your real brothers and
sisters?"
I
lifted my head from her shoulder. I kissed her cheek. "Yes. I want to see
them." My heart was racing again. "Please," I said, even as I
kissed her throat, and her cheekbones and her closed eyes. "Please."
"Drink
again," she whispered. I felt her bosom swell against me. I pressed my
teeth against her throat and the little miracle happened again, the sudden
breaking of the crust, and the nectar poured into my mouth.
A great
hot wave consumed me. No gravity; no specific time or place. Akasha.
Then I
saw the redwood trees; the house with the lights burning in it, and in the high
mountaintop room, the table and all of them around it, their faces reflected in
the walls of dark glass, and the fire dancing. Marius, Gabrielle, Louis,
Armand. They're together and they're safe! Am I dreaming this? They're
listening to a red-haired woman. And I know this woman! I've seen this woman.
She was
in the dream of the red-haired twins. But I want to see this-these immortals gathered
at the table. The young red-haired one, the one at the woman's side, I've seen
her too. But she'd been alive then. At the rock concert, in the frenzy, I'd put
my arm around her and looked into her crazed eyes. I'd kissed her and said her
name; and it was as if a pit had opened under me, and I was falling down into
those dreams of the twins that I could never really recall. Painted walls;
temples.
It all
faded suddenly. Gabrielle. Mother. Too late. I was reaching out; I was
spinning through the darkness.
You
have all of my powers now. You need only time to perfect them. You can bring
death, you can move matter, you can make fire. You are ready now to go to them.
But we will let them finish their reverie: their stupid schemes and discussion.
We will show them a little more of our power-
No,
please, Akasha, please,
let's go to them.
She
drew away from me; she struck me.
I
reeled from the shock. Shuddering, cold, I felt the pain spread out through the
bones of my face, as if her fingers were still splayed and pressed there. In
anger I bit down, letting the pain swell and then recede. In anger I clenched
my fists and did nothing.
She
walked across the old flags with crisp steps, her hair swaying as it hung down
her back. And then she stopped at the fallen gate, her shoulders rising
slightly, her back curved as if she were folding into herself.
The
voices rose; they reached a pitch before I could stop them. And then they
lapsed back, like water receding after a great flood.
I saw
the mountains again around me; I saw the ruined house. The pain in my face was
gone; but I was shaking.
She
turned and looked at me, tensely, her face sharpened, and her eyes slightly
narrowed. "They mean so much to you, don't they? What do you think they
will do, or say? You think Marius will turn me from my course? I know Marius as
you could never know him. I know every pathway of his reason. He is greedy as
you are greedy. What do you think I am that I am so easily swayed? I was born a
Queen. I have always ruled; even from the shrine I ruled." Her eyes were
glazed suddenly. I heard the voices, a dull hum rising. "I ruled if only
in legend; if only in the minds of those who came to me and paid me tribute.
Princes who played music for me; who brought me offerings and prayers. What do
you want of me now? That for you, I renounce my throne, my destiny!"
What
answer could I make?
"You
can read my heart," I said. "You know what I want, that you go to
them, that you give them a chance to speak on these things as you've given me the
chance. They have words I don't have. They know things I don't know."
"Oh,
but Lestat, I do not love them. I do not love them as I love you. So what does
it matter to me what they say? I have no patience for them!"
"But
you need them. You said that you did. How can you begin without them? I mean
really begin, not with these backward villages, I mean in the cities where the
people will fight. Your angels, that's what you called them."
She
shook her head sadly. "I need no one," she said, "except... Except..."
She hesitated, and then her face went blank with pure surprise.
I made
some little soft sound before I could stop myself; some little expression of
helpless grief. I thought I saw her eyes dim; and it seemed the voices were
rising again, not in my ears but in hers; and that she stared at me, but that
she didn't see me.
"But
I will destroy you all if I have to," she said, vaguely, eyes searching
for me, but not finding me. "Believe me when I say it. For this time I
will not be vanquished; I will not lapse back. I will see my dreams
realized."
I
looked away from her, through the ruined gateway, over the broken edge of the
cliff, and down over the valley. What would I have given to be released from
this nightmare? Would I be willing to die by my own hand? My eyes were filled
with tears, looking over the dark fields. It was cowardice to think of it; this
was my doing! There was no escape now for me.
Stark
still she stood, listening; and then she blinked slowly; her shoulders moved as
if she carried a great weight inside her. "Why can you not believe in
me?" she said.
"Abandon
it!" I answered. "Turn away from all such visions." I went to
her and took hold of her arms. Almost groggily she looked up. "This is a
timeless place we stand in-and those poor villages we've conquered, they are
the same as they've been for thousands of years. Let me show you my world,
Akasha; let me show you the tiniest part of it! Come with me, like a spy into
the cities; not to destroy, but to see!"
Her
eyes were brightening again; the lassitude was breaking. She embraced me; and
suddenly I wanted the blood again. It was all I could think of, even though I
was resisting it; even though I was weeping at the pure weakness of my will. I
wanted it. I wanted her and I couldn't fight it; yet my old fantasies came back
to me, those long ago visions in which I imagined myself waking her, and taking
her with me through the opera houses, and the museums and the symphony halls,
through the great capitals and their storehouses of all things beautiful and
imperishable that men and women had made over the centuries, artifacts that
transcended all evil, all wrongs, all fallibility of the individual soul.
"But
what have I to do with such paltry things, my love?" she whispered.
"And you would teach me of your world? Ah, such vanity. I am beyond time
as I have always been."
But she
was gazing at me now with the most heartbroken expression. Sorrow, that's what
I saw in her.
"I
need you!" she whispered. And for the first time her eyes filled with
tears.
I
couldn't bear it. I felt the chills rise, as they always do, at moments of
surprising pain. But she put her fingers to my lips to silence me.
"Very
well, my love," she said. "We'll go to your brothers and sisters, if
you wish it. We'll go to Marius. But first, let me hold you one more time,
close to my heart. You see, I cannot be other than what I would be. This is
what you waked with your singing; this is what I am!"
I
wanted to protest, to deny it; I wanted again to begin the argument that would
divide us and hurt her. But I couldn't find the words as I looked into her
eyes. And suddenly I realized what had happened.
I had
found the way to stop her; I had found the key; it had been there before me all
the time. It was not her love for me; it was her need of me; the need of one
ally in all the great realm; one kindred soul made of the same stuff that she
was made of. And she had believed she could make me like herself, and now she
knew she could not.
"Ah,
but you are wrong," she said, her tears shimmering. "You are only
young and afraid." She smiled. "You belong to me. And if it has to
be, my prince, I'll destroy you."
I
didn't speak. I couldn't. I knew what I had seen; I knew even as she couldn't accept
it. Not in all the long centuries of stillness had she ever been alone; had she
ever suffered the ultimate isolation. Oh, it was not such a simple thing as
Enkil by her side, or Marius come to lay before her his offerings; it was
something deeper, infinitely more important than that; she had never all alone
waged a war of reason with those around her!
The
tears were flowing down her cheeks. Two violent streaks of red. Her mouth was
slack; her eyebrows knit in a dark frown, though her face would never be
anything but radiant.
"No,
Lestat," she said again. "You are wrong. But we must see this through
now to the finish; if they must die-all of them-so that you leave to me, so be
it." She opened her arms.
I
wanted to move away; I wanted to rail against her again, against her threats;
but I didn't move as she came closer.
Here;
the warm Caribbean breeze; her hands moving up my back; her fingers slipping
through my hair. The nectar flowing into me again, flooding my heart And her
lips on my throat finally the sudden stab of her teeth through my flesh Yes! As
it had been in the shrine, so long ago, yes! Her blood and my blood. And the
deafening thunder of her heart, yes! And it was ecstasy and yet I couldn't
yield; I couldn't do it; and she knew it.
We
found the palace the same as we remembered it, or perhaps a little more lavish,
with more booty from conquered lands. More gold drapery, and even more vivid
paintings; and twice as many slaves about, as if they were mere ornaments,
their lean naked bodies hung with gold and jewels.
"To
a royal cell we were now committed, with graceful chairs and tables, and a fine
carpet, and dishes of meat and fish to eat.
"Then
at sunset, we heard cheers as the King and the Queen appeared in the palace;
all the court went to bow to them, singing anthems to the beauty of their pale
skin and their shimmering hair; and to the bodies that had miraculously healed
after the assault of the conspirators; all the palace echoed with these hymns of
praise.
"But
when this little spectacle was finished, we were taken into the bedchamber of
the royal couple, and for the first time, by the small light of distant lamps,
we beheld the transformation with our own eyes.
"We
saw two pale yet magnificent beings, resembling in all particulars what they
had been when they were alive; but there was an eerie luminescence surrounding
them; their skin was no longer skin. And their minds were no longer entirely
their minds. Yet gorgeous they were. As you can well imagine, all of you. Oh,
yes, gorgeous, as though the moon had come down from heaven and fashioned them
with its light. Amid their dazzling gold furniture they stood, draped in
finery, and staring at us with eyes that gleamed like obsidian. And then, with a
wholly different voice, a voice softly shaded by music, it seemed, the King
spoke:
"
'Khayman's told you what has befallen us,' he said. 'We stand before you the
beneficiaries of a great miracle; for we have triumphed over certain death. We
are now quite beyond the limitations and needs of human beings; and we see and
understand things which were withheld from us before.'
"But
the Queen's facade gave way immediately. In a hissing whisper she said, 'You
must explain this to us! What has your spirit done?'
"We
were in worse danger than ever from these monsters; and I tried to convey this
warning to Mekare, but at once the Queen laughed. 'Do you think I don't know
what you are thinking?' she said.
"But
the King begged her to be silent. 'Let the witches use their powers,' he said.
'You know that we have always revered you.'
"
'Yes.' The Queen sneered. 'And you sent this curse upon us.'
"At
once I averred that we had not done it, that we had kept faith when we left the
kingdom, that we had gone back to our home. And as Mekare studied the pair of
them in silence, I begged them to understand that if the spirit had done this,
he had done it of his own whim.
"
'Whim!' the Queen said. 'What do you mean by such a word as whim? What has
happened to us? What are we!' she asked again. Then she drew back her lips for
us to see her teeth. We beheld the fangs in her mouth, tiny, yet sharp as
knives. And the King demonstrated to us this change as well.
"
'The better to draw the blood,' he whispered. 'Do you know what this thirst is
to us! We cannot satisfy it! Three, four men a night die to feed us, yet we go
to our bed tortured by thirst.'
"The
Queen tore at her hair as if she would give in to screaming. But the King laid
his hand on her arm. 'Advise us, Mekare and Maharet,' he said. 'For we would
understand this transformation and how it might be used for good.'
"
'Yes,' the Queen said, struggling to recover. "For surely such a thing
cannot happen without reason...' Then losing her conviction, she fell quiet.
Indeed it seemed her small pragmatic view of things, ever puny and seeking for
justifications, had collapsed utterly, while the King clung to his illusions as
men often do, until very late in life.
"Now,
as they fell silent, Mekare went forward and laid her hands upon the King. She
laid her hands upon his shoulders; and closed her eyes. Then she laid her hands
upon the Queen in the same manner, though the Queen glared at her with venom in
her eyes. 'Explain to us,' Mekare said, looking at the Queen, 'what
happened at the very moment. What do you remember? What did you see?'
"The
Queen was silent, her face drawn and suspicious. Her beauty had been, in truth,
enhanced by this transformation, yet there was something repellent in her, as
if she were not the flower now but the replica of the flower made of pure white
wax. And as she grew reflective she appeared somber and vicious, and
instinctively I drew close to Mekare to protect her from what might take place.
"But
then the Queen spoke:
"
'They came to kill us, the traitors! They would blame it on the spirits; that
was the plan. And all to eat the flesh again, the flesh of their mothers and
fathers, and the flesh for which they loved to hunt. They came into the house
and they stabbed me with their daggers, I their sovereign Queen.' She paused as
if seeing these things again before her eyes. 'I fell as they slashed at me, as
they drove their daggers into my breast. One cannot live with such wounds as I
received; and so as I fell to the floor, I knew that I was dead! Do you hear
what I am saying? I knew that nothing could save me. My blood was pouring out
onto the floor.
"
'But even as I saw it pooling before me, I realized I was not in my wounded
body, that I had already left it, that death had taken me and was drawing me
upwards sharply as if through a great tunnel to where I would suffer no more!
"
'I wasn't frightened; I felt nothing; I looked down and saw myself lying pale
and covered with blood in that little house. Yet I did not care. I was free of
it. But suddenly something took hold of me, took hold of my invisible being!
The tunnel was gone; I was caught in a great mesh like a fisherman's net. With
all my strength I pushed against it, and it gave with my strength but it did
not break and it gripped me and held me fast and I could not rise through it.
"
'When I tried to scream I was in my body again! I felt the agony of my wounds
as if the knives were cutting me afresh. But this net, this great net, it still
had a hold of me, and instead of being the endless thing it had been before, it
was now contracted into a tighter weave like the weave of a great silk veil.
"
'And all about me this thing-visible yet invisible-whirled as if it were wind,
lifting me, casting me down, turning me about. The blood gushed from my wounds.
And it ran into the weave of this veil, just as it might into the mesh of any
fabric.
"
'And that which had been transparent was now drenched in blood. And a monstrous
thing I saw, shapeless, and enormous, with my blood broadcast throughout it.
And yet this thing had another property to it, a center, it seemed, a tiny
burning center which was in me, and ran riot in my body like a frightened
animal. Through my limbs it ran, thumping and beating. A heart with legs
scampering. In my belly it circled as I clawed at myself. I would have cut
myself open to get this thing out of me!
"
'And it seemed the great invisible part of this thing-the blood mist that surrounded
me and enveloped me-was controlled by this tiny center, twisting this way and
that as it scurried within me, racing into my hands one moment and into my feet
the next. Up my spine it ran.
"
'I would die, surely I would die, I thought. Then came a moment of blindness!
Silence. It had killed me, I was certain. I should rise again, should I not?
Yet suddenly I opened my eyes; I sat up off the floor as if no attack had
befallen me; and I saw so clearly! Khayman, the glaring torch in his hand!-the trees
of the garden-why, it was as if I had never truly seen such simple things for
what they were! The pain was gone completely, from inside and from my wounds as
well. Only the light hurt my eyes; I could not endure its brilliance. Yet I had
been saved from death; my body had been glorified and made perfect. Except
that-' And there she stopped.
"She
stared before her, indifferent for a moment. Then she said, 'Khayman has told
you all the rest.' She looked to the King who stood beside her, watching her;
trying to fathom the things she said, just as we tried to fathom them.
"
'Your spirit,' she said. 'It tried to destroy us. But something else had
happened; some great power has intervened to triumph over its diabolical evil.'
Then again her conviction deserted her. The lies stopped on her tongue. Her
face was suddenly cold with menace. And sweetly she said: 'Tell us, witches,
wise witches. You who know all the secrets. What is the name for what we
are!'
"Mekare
sighed. She looked at me. I knew she didn't want to speak now on
this thing. And the old warning of the spirits came back. The Egyptian King and
Queen would ask us questions and they would not like our answers. We would be
destroyed. -
"Then
the Queen turned her back. She sat down and bowed her
head. And it was then, and only then, that her true sadness came to the fore.
The King smiled at us, wearily. 'We are in pain, witches,' he said. 'We could
bear the burden of this transformation if only we understood it better. You,
who have communed with all things invisible; tell us what you know of such
magic; help us if you will, for you know that we never meant to harm you, only
to spread the truth and the law.'
"We
did not dwell on the stupidity of this statement-the virtue of spreading the
truth through wholesale slaughter and so forth and so on. But Mekare demanded
that the King now tell what he could recall.
"He
spoke of things which you-all of you seated here-surely know. Of how he was
dying; and how he tasted the blood from his wife which had covered his face;
and of how his body quickened, and wanted this blood, and then how he took it
from his wife and she gave it; and then he became as she was. But for him there
was no mysterious cloud of blood. There was no thing running rampant within
him. The thirst, it's unbearable,' he said to us. 'Unbearable.' And he too
bowed his head.
"We
stood in silence for a moment looking at each other, Mekare and I, and as
always, Mekare spoke first;
"
'We know no name for what you are,' she said. 'We know no stories of such a
thing ever happening in this world before. But it's plain enough what took
place.' She fixed her eyes upon the Queen. 'As you perceived your own death,
your soul sought to make its swift escape from suffering as souls so often do.
But as it rose, the spirit Amel seized it, this thing being invisible as your
soul was invisible; and in the normal course of things you might have easily
overcome this earthbound entity and gone on to realms we do not know.
"
'But this spirit had long before wrought a change within himself; a change that
was utterly new. This spirit had tasted the blood of humans whom he had pierced
or tormented, as you yourself have seen him do. And your body, lying there, and
full of blood despite its many wounds, had life still.
"
'And so the spirit, thirsting, plunged down into your body, his invisible form
still wedded to your soul.
"Still
you might have triumphed, fighting off this evil thing as possessed
persons often do. But now the tiny core of this spirit- the thing of matter
which is the roaring center of all spirits, from which their endless energy
conies-was suddenly filled with blood as never in the past.
"
'And so the fusion of blood and timeless tissue was a million times magnified
and accelerated; and blood flowed through all his body, both material and
nonmaterial, and this was the blood cloud that you saw.
"
'But it is the pain you felt which is most significant, this pain which
traveled through your limbs. For surely as inevitable death came to your body,
the spirit's tiny core merged with the flesh of your body as its energy had
already merged with your soul. It found some special place or organ in which
matter merged with matter as spirit had already merged with spirit; and a new
thing was formed.'
"
'Its heart and my heart,' the Queen whispered. 'They became one.' And closing
her eyes, she lifted her hand and laid it on her breast.
"We
said nothing, for this seemed a simplification, and we did not believe the heart
was the center of intellect or emotion. For us, it had been the brain which
controlled these things. And in that moment, both Mekare and I saw a terrible
memory-our mother's heart and brain thrown down and trampled in ashes and dust.
"But
we fought this memory. It was abhorrent that this pain should be glimpsed by
those who had been its cause.
"The
King pressed us with a question. 'Very well,' he said, 'you've explained what
has happened to Akasha. This spirit is in her, core wedded perhaps to core. But
what is in me? I felt no such pain, no such scurrying demon. I felt... I felt
only the thirst when her bloodied hands touched my lips.' He looked to his
wife.
"The
shame, the horror, they felt over the thirst was clear.
"
'But the same spirit is in you, too,' Mekare answered. There is but one Amel.
Its core resides in the Queen, but it is in you also.'
"
'How is such a thing possible?' asked the King.
"
'This being has a great invisible part,' Mekare said. 'Were you to have seen it
in its entirety, before this catastrophe took place, you would have seen
something almost without end.'
"
'Yes,' the Queen confessed. 'It was as if the net covered the whole sky.'
"Mekare
explained: 'It is only by concentrating such immense size that these spirits
achieve any physical strength. Left on their own, they are as clouds over the
horizon; greater even; they have now and then boasted to us that they have no
true boundaries, though this is not likely the truth.'
"The
King stared at his wife.
"
'But how can it be released!' demanded Akasha.
"
'Yes. How can it be made to depart!' the King asked.
"Neither
of us wanted to answer. We wondered that the answer was not obvious to them
both. 'Destroy your body,' Mekare said to the Queen finally. 'And it will be
destroyed as well.'
"The
King looked at Mekare with disbelief. Destroy her body!' Helplessly he looked
at his wife.
"But
Akasha merely smiled bitterly. The words came as no surprise to her. For a long
moment, she said nothing. She merely looked at us with plain hatred; then she
looked at the King. When she looked to us, she put the question. 'We are dead
things, aren't we? We cannot live if it departs. We do not eat; we do not
drink, save for the blood it wants; our bodies throw off no waste any longer;
we have not changed in one single particular since that awful night; we are not
alive anymore.'
"Mekare
didn't answer. I knew that she was studying them; struggling to see their forms
not as a human would see them but as a witch would see them, to let the quiet and
the stillness collect around them, so that she might observe the tiny
imperceptible aspects of this which eluded regular gaze. Into a trance she fell
as she looked at them and listened. And when she spoke her voice was flat,
dull:
"
'It is working on your body; it is working and working as fire works on the
wood it consumes; as worms work on the carcass of an animal. It is working and
working and its work is inevitable; it is the continuance of the fusion which
has taken place; that is why the sun hurts it, for it is using all of its
energy to do what it must do; and it cannot endure the sun's heat coming down
upon it.'
"
'Or the bright light of a torch even,' the King sighed.
"
'At times not even a candle flame,' said the Queen.
"
'Yes,' Mekare said, shaking off the trance finally. 'And you are dead,' she
said in a whisper. 'Yet you are alive! If the wounds healed as you say they
did; if you brought the King back as you say you did, why, you may have
vanquished death. That is, if you do not go into the burning rays of the sun.'
"
'No, this cannot continue!' the King said. 'The thirst, you don't know how
terrible is the thirst.'
"But
the Queen only smiled bitterly again. These are not living bodies now. These
are hosts for this demon.' Her lip trembled as she looked at us. 'Either
that or we are truly gods!'
"
'Answer us, witches,' said the King. 'Could it be that we are divine beings
now, blessed with gifts that only gods share?' He smiled as he said it; he so
wanted to believe it. 'Could it not be that when your demon sought to destroy
us, our gods intervened?'
"An
evil light shone in the Queen's eye. How she loved this idea, but she didn't
believe it... not really.
"Mekare
looked at me. She wanted me to go forward and to touch them as she had done.
She wanted me to look at them as she had done. There was something further that
she wanted to say, yet she was not sure of it. And in truth, I had slightly
stronger powers of the instinctive nature, though less of a gift for words than
she.
"I
went forward; I touched their white skin, though it repelled me as they
repelled me for all that they had done to our people and us. I touched them and
then withdrew and gazed at them; and I saw the work of which Mekare spoke, I
could even hear it, the tireless churning of the spirit within. I stilled my
mind; I cleared it utterly of all preconception or fear and then as the
calmness of the trance deepened in me, I allowed myself to speak. 'It wants
more humans,' I said. I looked at Mekare. This was what she had suspected.
"
'We offer to it all we can!' the Queen gasped. And the blush of shame came
again, extraordinary in its brightness to her pale cheeks. And the King's face
colored also. And I understood then, as did Mekare, that when they drank the
blood they felt ecstasy. Never had they known such pleasure, not in their beds,
not at the banquet table, not when drunk with beer or wine. That was the source
of the shame. It hadn't been the killing; it had been the monstrous feeding. It
had been the pleasure. Ah, these two were such a pair.
"But
they had misunderstood me. 'No,' I explained. 'It wants more like you. It wants
to go in and make blood drinkers of others as it did with the King; it is too
immense to be contained within two small bodies. The thirst will become
bearable only when you make others, for they will share the burden of it with
you.'
"
'No!' the Queen screamed. 'That is unthinkable.'
"
'Surely it cannot be so simple!' the King declared. 'Why, we were both made at one and the
same terrible instant, when our gods warred with this demon. Conceivably, when
our gods warred and won.'
"
'I think not,' I said.
"
'You mean to say,' the Queen asked, 'that if we nourish others with this blood
that they too will be so infected?' But she was recalling now every detail of
the catastrophe. Her husband dying, the heartbeat gone from him, and then the
blood trickling into his mouth.
"
'Why, I haven't enough blood in my body to do such a thing!' she declared. 'I am
only what I am!' Then she thought of the thirst and all the bodies that had
served it.
"And
we realized the obvious point; that she had sucked the blood out of her husband
before he had taken it back from her, and that is how the thing had been
accomplished; that and the fact that the King was on the edge of death, and
most receptive, his own spirit shaking loose and ready to be locked down by the
invisible tentacles of Amel.
"Of
course they read our thoughts, both of them.
"
'I don't believe what you say,' said the King. 'The gods would not allow it. We
are the King and Queen of Kemet. Burden or blessing, this magic has been meant
for us.'
"A
moment of silence passed. Then he spoke again, most sincerely. 'Don't you see,
witches? This was destiny. We were meant to invade your lands, to bring you and
this demon here, so that this might befall us. We suffer, true, but we are gods
now; this is a holy fire; and we must give thanks for what has happened to us.'
"I
tried to stop Mekare from speaking. I clasped her hand tightly. But they
already knew what she meant to say. Only her conviction jarred them.
"
'It could very likely pass into anyone,' she said, 'were the conditions
duplicated, were the man or woman weakened and dying, so that the spirit could
get its grip.'
"In
silence they stared at us. The King shook his head. The Queen looked away in
disgust. But then the King whispered, 'If this is so, then others may try to
take this from us!'
"
'Oh, yes,' Mekare whispered. 'If it would make them immortal? Most surely, they
would. For who would not want to live forever?'
"At
this the King's face was transformed. He paced back and forth in the chamber.
He looked at his wife, who stared forward as one about to go mad, and he said
to her most carefully, 'Then we know what we must do. We cannot breed a race of
such monsters! We know!'
"But
the Queen threw her hands over her ears and began to scream. She began to sob,
and finally to roar in her agony, her fingers curling into claws as she looked
up at the ceiling above her.
"Mekare
and I withdrew to the edges of the room, and held tight to each other. And then
Mekare began to tremble, and to cry also, and I felt tears rise in my eyes.
"
'You did this to us!' the Queen roared, and never had we heard a human voice
attain such volume. And as she went mad now, shattering everything within the
chamber, we saw the strength of Amel in her, for she did things no human could
do. The mirrors she hurled at the ceiling; the gilded furniture went to
splinters under her fists. 'Damn you into the lower world among demons and
beasts forever!' she cursed us, 'for what you have done to us. Abominations.
Witches. You and your demon! You say you did not send this thing to us. But in
your hearts you did. You sent this demon! And he read it from your hearts, just
as I read it now, that you wished us evil!'
"But
then the King caught her in his arms and hushed her and kissed her and caught
her sobs against his chest.
"Finally
she broke away from him. She stared at us, her eyes brimming with blood. 'You
lie!' she said. 'You lie as your demons lied before. Do you think such a thing
could happen if it was not meant to happen!' She turned to the King. 'Oh, don't
you see, we've been fools to listen to these mere mortals, who have not such powers
as we have! Ah, but we are young deities and must struggle to learn the designs
of heaven. And surely our destiny is plain; we see it in the gifts we possess.'
"We
didn't respond to what she had said. It seemed to me at least for a few precious
moments that it was a mercy if she could believe such nonsense. For all I could
believe was that Amel, the evil one, Amel, the stupid, the dull-witted, the
imbecile spirit, had stumbled into this disastrous fusion and that perhaps the
whole world would pay the price. My mother's warning came back to me. All our
suffering came back to me. And then such thoughts- wishes for the destruction
of the King and Queen-seized me that I had to cover my head with my hands and
shake myself and try to clear my mind, lest I face their wrath.
"But
the Queen was paying no mind to us whatsoever, except to scream to her guards
that they must at once take us prisoner, and that tomorrow night she would pass
judgment upon us before the whole court.
"And
quite suddenly we were seized; and as she gave her orders with gritted teeth
and dark looks, the soldiers dragged us away roughly and threw us like common
prisoners into a lightless cell.
"Mekare
took hold of me and whispered
that until the sun rose we must think nothing that could bring us harm; we must
sing the old songs we knew and pace the floor so that as not even to dream
dreams that would offend the King and Queen, for she was mortally afraid.
"Now
I had never truly seen Mekare so afraid. Mekare was always the one to rave in
anger; it was I who hung back imagining the most terrible things.
"But
when dawn came, when she was sure the demon King and Queen had gone to their
secret retreat, she burst into tears.
"
'I did it, Maharet,' she said to me. 'I did it. I sent him against them. I
tried not to do it; but Amel, he read it in my heart. It was as the Queen said,
exactly.'
"There
was no end to her recriminations. It was she who had spoken to Amel; she who
had strengthened him and puffed him up and kept his interest; and then she had
wished his wrath upon the Egyptians and he had known.
"I
tried to comfort her. I told her none of us could control what was in our
hearts; that Amel had saved our lives once; that no one could fathom these
awful choices, these forks in the road; and we must now banish all guilts and
look only to the future. How could we get free of this place? How could we make
these monsters release us? Our good spirits would not frighten them now; not a
chance of it; we must think; we must plan; we must do something.
"Finally,
the thing for which I secretly hoped happened: Khayman appeared. But he was
even more thin and drawn than before.
"
'I think you are doomed, my red-haired ones,' he said to us. 'The King and Queen
were in a quandary over the things which you said to them; before morning they
went to the temple of Osiris to pray. Could you not give them any hope of
reclamation? Any hope this horror would come to an end?'
"
'Khayman, there is one hope,' Mekare whispered. 'Let the spirits be my witness;
I don't say that you should do it. I only answer your question. If you would
put an end to this, put an end to the King and Queen. Find their hiding place
and let the sun come down upon them, the sun which their new bodies cannot
bear.'
"But
he turned away, terrified by the prospect of such treason. Only to look back
and sigh and say, 'Ah, my dear witches. Such things I've seen. And yet I dare
not do such a thing.'
"As
the hours passed we went through agony, for surely we would be put to death.
But there were no regrets any longer in us for the things we'd said, or the
things we'd done. And as we lay in the dark in one another's arms, we sang the
old songs again from our childhood; we sang our mother's songs; I thought of my
little baby and I tried to go to her, to rise in spirit from this place and be
close to her, but without the trance potion, I could not do it. I had never
learned such skill.
"Finally
dusk fell. And soon we heard the multitude singing hymns as the King and Queen
approached. The soldiers came for us. Into the great open court of the palace
we were brought as we had been before. Here it was that Khayman had laid his
hands upon us and we had been dishonored, and before those very same spectators
we were brought, with our hands bound again.
"Only
it was night and the lamps burnt low in the arcades of the court; and an evil
light played upon the gilded lotus blossoms of the pillars, and upon the
painted silhouettes which covered the walls. Al last the King and Queen stepped
upon the dais. And all those assembled fell to their knees. The soldiers forced
us into the same subservience. And then the Queen stepped forward and began to
speak.
"In
a quavering voice, she told her subjects that we were monstrous witches, and
that we had loosed upon this kingdom the demon which had only lately plagued
Khayman and tried its evil devilment upon the King and Queen themselves. But
lo, the great god Osiris, oldest of all the gods, stronger even than the god
Ra, had cast down this diabolical force and raised up into celestial glory the
King and the Queen.
"But
the great god could not look kindly upon the witches who had so troubled his
beloved people. And he demanded now that no mercy be shown.
"
'Mekare, for your evil lies and your discourse with demons,' the Queen said,
'your tongue shall be torn from your mouth. And Maharet, for the evil which you
have envisioned and sought to make us believe in, your eyes shall be plucked
out! And all night, you shall be bound together, so that you may hear each
other's weeping, the one unable to speak, the other unable to see. And then at
high noon tomorrow in the public place before the palace you shall be burnt
alive for all the people to see.
"
'For behold, no such evil shall ever prevail against the gods of Egypt and
their chosen King and Queen. For the gods have looked upon us with benevolence
and special favor, and we are as the King and Queen of Heaven, and our destiny
is for the common good!'
"I
was speechless as I heard the condemnation; my fear, my sorrow lay beyond my
reach. But Mekare cried out at once in defiance. She startled the soldiers as
she pulled away from them and stepped forward. Her eyes were on the stars as
she spoke. And above the shocked whispers of the court she declared:
"
'Let the spirits witness; for theirs is the knowledge of the future-both what
it would be, and what I will! You are the Queen of the Damned, that's
what you are! Your only destiny is evil, as well you know! But I shall stop
you, if I must come back from the dead to do it. At the hour of your greatest
menace it is I who will defeat you! It is I who will bring you down. Look well
upon my face, for you will see me again!'
"And
no sooner had she spoken this oath, this prophecy, than the spirits, gathering,
began their whirlwind and the doors of the palace were flung open and the sands
of the desert salted the air.
"Screams
rose from the panic-stricken courtiers.
"But
the Queen cried out to her soldiers: 'Cut out her tongue as I have commanded
you!' and though the courtiers were clinging to the walls in terror, the
soldiers came forward and caught hold of Mekare and cut out her tongue.
"In
cold horror I watched it happen; I heard her gasp as it was done. And then with
astonishing fury, she thrust them aside with her bound hands and going down on
her knees snatched up the bloody tongue and swallowed it before they would
tramp upon it or throw it aside.
"Then
the soldiers laid hold of me.
"The
last things I beheld were Akasha, her finger pointed, her eyes gleaming. And
then the stricken face of Khayman with tears streaming down his cheeks. The
soldiers clamped their hands on my head and pushed back my eyelids and tore all
vision from me, as I wept without a sound.
"Then
suddenly, I felt a warm hand lay hold of me; and I felt something against my
lips. Khayman had my eyes; Khayman was pressing them to my lips. And at once I
swallowed them lest they be desecrated or lost.
"The
wind grew fiercer; sand swirled about us, and I heard the courtiers running now
in all directions, some coughing, others gasping, and many crying as they fled,
while the Queen implored her subjects to be calm. I turned, groping for Mekare,
and felt her head come down on my shoulder, her hair against my cheek.
" 'Burn
them now!' declared the King.
"
'No, it is too soon,' said the Queen. 'Let them suffer.'
"And
we were taken away, and bound together, and left alone finally on the floor of
the little cell.
"For
hours the spirits raged about the palace; but the King and Queen comforted
their people, and told them not to be afraid. At noon tomorrow all evil would
be expurgated from the kingdom; and until then let the spirits do what they
would.
"Finally,
it was still and quiet as we lay together. It seemed nothing walked in the
palace save the King and the Queen. Even our guards slept.
"And
these are the last hours of my life, I thought. And will her suffering be more
than mine in the morning, for she shall see me burn, whereas I cannot see her,
and she cannot even cry out. I held Mekare to me. She laid her head against my
heartbeat. And so the minutes passed.
"Finally,
it must have been three hours before morning, I heard noises outside the cell.
Something violent; the guard giving a sharp cry and then falling. The man had
been slain. Mekare stirred beside me. I heard the lock pulled, and the pivots
creak. Then it seemed I heard a noise from Mekare, something like unto a moan.
"Someone
had come into the cell, and I knew by my old instinctive power that it was Khayman.
As he cut the ropes which bound us, I reached out and clasped his hand. But
instantly I thought, this is not Khayman! And then I understood. They have done
it to you! They have worked it on you.'
"
'Yes,' he whispered, and his voice was full of wrath and bitterness, and a new
sound had crept into it, an inhuman sound. 'They have done it! To put it to the
test, they have done it! To see if you spoke the truth! They have put this evil
into me.' It seemed he was sobbing; a rough dry sound, coming from his
chest. And I could feel the immense strength of his fingers, for though he
didn't want to hurt my hand, he was.
"
'Oh, Khayman,' I said, weeping. 'Such treachery from those you've served so
well.' "
"
'Listen to me, witches,' he said, his voice guttural and full of rage. 'Do you
want to die tomorrow in fire and smoke before an ignorant populace; or would
you fight this evil thing? Would you be its equal and its enemy upon this
earth? For what stays the power of mighty men save that of others of the same
strength? What stops the swordsman but a warrior of the same mettle? Witches,
if they could do this to me, can I not do it to you?'
"I
shrank back, away from him, but he wouldn't let me go. I didn't know if it was
possible. I knew only that I didn't want it.
"
'Maharet,' he said. They shall make a race of fawning acolytes unless they are
beaten, and who can beat them save ones as powerful as themselves!'
"
'No, I would die first,' I said, yet even as the words left me I thought of the
waiting flames. But no, it was unforgivable. Tomorrow I should go to my mother;
I should leave here forever, and nothing could make me remain.
"
'And you, Mekare?' I heard him say. 'Will you reach now for the fulfillment of your own curse? Or die
and leave it to the spirits who have failed you from the start?'
"The
wind came up again, howling about the palace; I heard the outside doors
rattling; I heard the sand flung against the walls. Servants ran through
distant passages; sleepers rose from their beds. I could hear the faint,
hollow, and unearthly wails of the spirits I most loved.
"
'Be still,' I told them, 'I will not do it. I will not let this evil in.'
"But
as I knelt there, leaning my head against the wall, and reasoning that I must
die, and must somehow find the courage for it, I realized that within the small
confines of this cell, the unspeakable magic was being worked again. As the
spirits railed against it, Mekare had made her choice. I reached out and felt
these two forms, man and woman, melded like lovers; and as I struggled to part
them, Khayman struck me, knocking me unconscious on the floor.
"Surely
only a few minutes passed. Somewhere in the blackness, the spirits wept. The
spirits knew the final outcome before I did. The winds died away; a hush fell
in the blackness; the palace was still.
"My
sister's cold hands touched me. I heard a strange sound like laughter; can
those who have no tongue laugh? I made no decision really; I knew only that all
our lives we had been the same; twins and mirror images of each other; two
bodies it seemed and one soul. And I was sitting now in the hot close darkness
of this little place, and I was in my sister's arms, and for the first time she
was changed and we were not the same being; and yet we were. And then I felt
her mouth against my throat; I felt her hurting me; and Khayman took his knife
and did the work for her; and the swoon began.
"Oh,
those divine seconds; those moments when I saw again within my brain the lovely
light of the silver sky; and my sister there before me smiling, her arms
uplifted as the rain came down. We were dancing in the rain together, and all
our people were there with us, and our bare feet sank into the wet grass; and
when the thunder broke and the lightning tore the sky, it was as if our souls
had released all their pain. Drenched by the rain we went deep into the cave
together; we lighted one small lamp and looked at the old paintings on the
walls-the paintings done by all the witches before us; huddling together, with
the sound of the distant rain we lost ourselves in these paintings of witches
dancing; of the moon coming for the first time into the night sky.
"Khayman
fed me the magic; then my sister; then Khayman again. You know what befell me,
don't you? But do you know what the Dark Gift is for those who are blind? Tiny
sparks flared in the gaseous gloom; then it seemed a glowing light began to
define the shapes of things around me in weak pulses; like the afterimages of
bright things when one closes one's eyes.
"Yes,
I could move through this darkness. I reached out to verify what I beheld. The
doorway, the wall; then the corridor before me; a faint map flashed for a
second of the path ahead.
"Yet
never had the night seemed so silent; nothing inhuman breathed in the darkness.
The spirits were utterly gone.
"And
never, never again did I ever hear or see the spirits. Never ever again were
they to answer my questions or my call. The ghosts of the dead yes, but the
spirits, gone forever.
"But
I did not realize this abandonment in those first few moments, or hours, or
even in the first few nights.
"So
many other things astonished me; so many other things filled me with agony or
joy.
"Long
before the sunrise, we were hidden, as the King and Queen were hidden, deep
within a tomb. It was to the grave of Khayman's own father that he took us, the
grave to which the poor desecrated corpse had been restored. I had by then
drunk my first draught of mortal blood. I had known the ecstasy which made the
King and Queen blush for shame. But I had not dared to steal the eyes of my
victim; I had not even thought such a thing might work.
"It
was five nights later that I made such a discovery; and saw as a blood drinker
truly sees for the first time.
"By
then we had fled the royal city, moving north all night. And in place after
place, Khayman had revealed the magic to various persons declaring that they
must rise up against the King and Queen, for the King and Queen would have them
believe they alone had the power, which was only the worst of their many lies.
"Oh,
the rage Khayman felt in those early nights. To any who wanted the power he
gave it, even when he was so weakened that he could scarce walk at our side.
That the King and the Queen should have worthy enemies, that was his vow. How
many blood drinkers were created in those thoughtless weeks, blood drinkers who
would increase and multiply and create the battles of which Khayman dreamed?
"But
we were doomed in this first stage of the venture- doomed in the first
rebellion, doomed in our escape. We were soon to be separated forever-Khayman,
Mekare, and I.
"Because
the King and Queen, horrified at Khayman's defection, and suspecting that he
had given us the magic, sent their soldiers after us, men who could search by
day as well as night. And as we hunted ravenously to feed our newborn craving,
our trail was ever easy to follow along the small villages of-the river-bank or
even to the encampments of the hills.
"And
finally not a fortnight after we had fled the royal palace, we were caught by
the mobs outside the gates of Saqqâra, less than two nights' walk from the sea.
"If
only we had reached the sea. If only we had remained together. The world had
been born over again to us in darkness; desperately we loved one another;
desperately we had exchanged our secrets by the light of the moon.
"But
a trap lay waiting for us at Saqqâra. And though Khayman did manage to fight
his way to freedom, he saw that he could not possibly save us, and went deep
into the hills to wait his moment, but it never came.
"Mekare
and I were surrounded as you remember, as you have seen in your dreams. My eyes
were torn from me again; and we feared the fire now, for surely that could
destroy us; and we prayed to all things invisible for final release.
"But
the King and the Queen feared to destroy our bodies. They had believed Mekare's
account of the one great spirit, Amel, who infected all of us, and they feared
that whatever pain we might feel would then be felt by them. Of course this was
not so; but who could know it then?
"And
so into the stone coffins we were put, as I've told you. One to be taken to the
east and one to the west. The rafts had already been made to set us adrift in
the great oceans. I had seen them even in my blindness; we were being carried
away upon them; and I knew from the minds of my captors what they meant to do.
I knew also that Khayman could not follow, for the march would go on by day as
it had by night, and surely this was true.
"When
I awoke, I was drifting on the breast of the sea. For ten nights the raft
carried me as I've told you. Starvation and terror I suffered, lest the coffin
sink to the bottom of the waters; lest I be buried alive forever, a thing that
cannot die. But this did not happen. And when I came ashore at last on the
eastern coast of lower Africa, I began my search for Mekare, crossing the
continent to the west.
"For
centuries I searched from one tip of the continent to the other. I went north
in Europe. I traveled up and down along the rocky beaches, and even into the
northern islands, until I reached the farthest wastes of ice and snow. Over and
over again, however, I journeyed back to my own village, and that part of the
story I will tell you in a moment, for it is very important to me that you know
it, as you will see.
"But
during those early centuries I turned my back upon Egypt; I turned my back upon
the King and Queen.
"Only
much later, did I learn that the King and Queen made a great religion of their
transformation; that they took upon themselves the identity of Osiris and Isis,
and darkened those old myths to suit themselves.
"
'God of the underworld' Osiris became-that is, the King who could appear only in
darkness. And the Queen became Isis, the Mother, who gathers up her husband's
battered and dismembered body and heals it and brings it back to life.
"You've
read in Lestat's pages-in the tale Marius told to Lestat as it was told to
him-of how the blood gods created by the Mother and Father took the blood
sacrifice of evildoers in shrines hidden within the hills of Egypt; and how
this religion endured until the time of Christ.
"And
you have learned something also of how Khayman's rebellion succeeded, how the
equal enemies of the King and Queen whom he had created eventually rose up
against the Mother and Father; and how great wars were fought among the blood
drinkers of the world. Akasha herself revealed these things to Marius, and
Marius revealed them to Lestat.
"In
those early centuries, the Legend of the Twins was born; for the Egyptian
soldiers who had witnessed the events of our lives from the massacre of our
people to our final capture were to tell the tales. The Legend of the Twins was
even written by the scribes of Egypt in later times. It was believed that one
day Mekare would reappear to strike down the Mother, and all the blood drinkers
of the world would die as the Mother died.
"But
all this happened without my knowledge, my vigilance, or my collusion, for I
was long gone from such things.
"Only
three thousand years later did I come to Egypt, an anonymous being, swathed in
black robes, to see for myself what had become of the Mother and
Father-listless, staring statues, shut up in stone in their underground temple,
with only their heads and throats exposed. And to the priestly blood drinkers
who guarded them, the young ones came, seeking to drink from the primal fount.
"Did
I wish to drink, the young blood drinker priest asked me. Then I must go to the
Elders and declare my purity and my devotion to the old worship, declare that I
was not a rogue bent upon selfish ends. I could have laughed.
"But
oh, the horror to see those staring things! To stand before them and whisper
the names Akasha and Enkil, and see not a flicker within the eye or the tiniest
twitch of the white skin.
"And
so they had been for as long as anyone could remember, and so the priests told
me; no one even knew anymore if the myths of the beginning were true. We-the
very first children-had come to be called merely the First Brood who had
spawned the rebels; but the Legend of the Twins was forgotten; and no one knew
the names Khayman or Mekare or Maharet.
"Only
one time later was I to see them, the Mother and the Father. Another thousand
years had passed. The great burning had just happened when the Elder in
Alexandria-as Lestat has told you-sought to destroy the Mother and the Father
by placing them in the sun. They'd been merely bronzed by the day's heat as
Lestat told it, so strong had they become; for though we all sleep helplessly
by day, the light itself becomes less lethal with the passage of time.
"But
all over the world blood drinkers had gone up in flames during those daylight
hours in Egypt; while the very old ones had suffered and darkened but nothing
more. My beloved Eric was then one thousand years; we lived together in India;
and he was during those interminable hours severely burned. It took great
draughts of my blood to restore him. I myself was bronzed only, and though I
lived with great pain for many nights, there was a curious side effect to it:
it was then easier for me to pass among human beings with this dark skin.
"Many
centuries later, weary of my pale appearance, I was to burn myself in the sun
deliberately. I shall probably do it again.
"But
it was all a mystery to me the first time it happened. I wanted to know why I
had seen fire and heard the cries of so many perishing in my dreams, and why
others whom I had made-beloved fledglings-had died this unspeakable death.
"And
so I journeyed from India to Egypt, which to me has always been a hateful
place. It was then I heard tell of Marius, a young Roman blood drinker,
miraculously unburnt, who had come and stolen the Mother and Father and taken
them out of Alexandria where no one could ever burn them-or us-again. "It
was not difficult to find Marius. As I've told you, in the early years we could
never hear each other. But as time passed we could hear the younger ones just
as if they were human beings. In Antioch, I discovered Marius's house, a
virtual palace where he lived a life of Roman splendor though he hunted the
dark streets for human victims in the last hours before dawn.
"He
had already made an immortal of Pandora, whom he loved above all other things
on earth. And the Mother and Father he had placed in an exquisite shrine, made
by his own hands of Carrara marble and mosaic flooring, in which he burned
incense as if it were a temple, as if they were truly gods.
"I
waited for my moment. He and Pandora went to hunt. And then I entered the
house, making the locks give way from the inside.
"I
saw the Mother and Father, darkened as I had been darkened, yet beautiful and
lifeless as they'd been a thousand years before. On a throne he'd placed them,
and so they would sit for two thousand years, as you all know. I went to them;
I touched them. I struck them. They did not move. Then with a long dagger I
made my test. I pierced the flesh of the Mother, which had become an elastic
coating as my flesh had become. I pierced the immortal body which had become
both indestructible and deceptively fragile, and my blade went right through
her heart. From right to left I slashed with it, then stopped.
"Her
blood poured viscous and thick for a moment; for a moment the heart ceased to
beat; then the rupture began to heal; the spilt blood hardened like amber as I
watched.
"But
most significant, I had felt that moment when the heart failed to pump the
blood; I had felt the dizziness, the vague disconnection; the very whisper of
death. No doubt, all through the world blood drinkers had felt it, perhaps the
young ones strongly, a shock which knocked them off their feet. The core of
Amel was still within her; the terrible burning and the dagger, these things
proved that the life of the blood drinkers resided within her body as it always
would.
"I
would have destroyed her then, if it had not been so. I would have cut her limb
from limb; for no span of time could ever cool my hatred for her; my hatred for
what she had done to my people; for separating Mekare from me. Mekare my other
half; Mekare my own self.
"How
magnificent it would have been if the centuries had schooled me in forgiveness;
if my soul had opened to understand all the wrongs done me and my people.
"But
I tell you, it is the soul of humankind which moves towards perfection over the
centuries, the human race which learns with each passing year how better to
love and forgive. I am anchored to the past by chains I cannot break.
"Before
I left, I wiped away all trace of what I had done. For an hour perhaps I stared
at the two statues, the two evil beings who had so long ago destroyed my
kindred and brought such evil upon me and my sister; and who had known such
evil in return.
"
'But you did not win, finally,' I said to Akasha. 'You and your soldiers and
their swords. For my child, Miriam, survived to carry the blood of my family
and my people forward in time; and this, which may mean nothing to you as you
sit there in silence, means all things to me.'
"And
the words I spoke were true. But I will come to the story of my family in a
moment. Let me deal now with Akasha's one victory: that Mekare and I were never
united again.
"For
as I have told you, never in all my wanderings did I ever find a man, woman, or
blood drinker who had gazed upon Mekare or heard her name. Through all the
lands of the world I wandered, at one time or another, searching for Mekare.
But she was gone from me as if the great western sea had swallowed her; and I
was as half a being reaching out always for the only thing which can render me
complete.
"Yet
in the early centuries, I knew Mekare lived; there were times when the twin I
was felt the suffering of the other twin; in dark dreamlike moments, I knew
inexplicable pain. But these are things which human twins feel for each other.
As my body grew harder, as the human in me melted away and this more powerful
and resilient immortal body grew dominant, I lost the simple human link with my
sister. Yet I knew, I knew that she was alive.
"I
spoke to my sister as I walked the lonely coast, glancing out over the ice cold
sea. And in the grottoes of Mount Carmel I made our story in great drawings-all
that we had suffered-the panorama which you beheld in the dreams.
"Over
the centuries many mortals were to find that grotto, and to see those
paintings; and then they would be forgotten again, to be discovered anew.
"Then
finally in this century, a young archaeologist, hearing tell of them, climbed Mount
Carmel one afternoon with a lantern in his hand. And when he gazed on the
pictures that I had long ago made, his heart leapt because he had seen these
very same images on a cave across the sea, above the jungles in Peru.
"It
was years before his discovery was known to me. He had traveled far and wide
with his bits and pieces of evidence- photographs of the cave drawings from
both the Old World and the New; and a vase he found in the storage room of a
museum, an ancient artifact from those dim forgotten centuries when the Legend
of the Twins was still known.
"I
cannot tell you the pain and happiness I experienced when I looked at the
photographs of the pictures he had discovered in a shallow cave in the New
World.
"For
Mekare had drawn there the very same things that I had drawn; the brain, the
heart, and the hand so much like my own had given expression to the same images
of suffering and pain. Only the smallest differences existed. But the proof was
beyond denial.
"Mekare's
bark had carried her over the great western ocean to a land unknown in our
time. Centuries perhaps before man had penetrated the southern reaches of the
jungle continent, Mekare had come ashore there, perhaps to know the greatest
loneliness a creature can know. How long had she wandered among birds and
beasts before she'd seen a human face?
"Had
it been centuries, or millennia, this inconceivable isolation? Or had she found
mortals at once to comfort her, or run from her in terror? I was never to know.
My sister may have lost her reason long before the coffin which carried her
ever touched the South American shore.
"All
I knew was that she had been there; and thousands of years ago she had made
those drawings, just as I had made my own.
"Of
course I lavished wealth upon this archaeologist; I gave him every means to
continue his research into the Legend of the Twins. And I myself made the
journey to South America. With Eric and Mael beside me, I climbed the mountain
in Peru by the light of the moon and saw my sister's handiwork for myself. So
ancient these paintings were. Surely they had been done within a hundred years
of our separation and very possibly less.
"But
we were never to find another shred of evidence that Mekare lived or walked in
the South American jungles, or anywhere else in this world. Was she buried deep
in the earth, beyond where the call of Mael or Eric could reach her? Did she
sleep in the depths of some cave, a white statue, staring mindlessly, as her
skin was covered with layer upon layer of dust?
"I
cannot conceive of it. I cannot bear to think on it.
"I
know only, as you know now, that she has risen. She has waked from her long
slumber. Was it the songs of the Vampire Lestat that waked her? Those
electronic melodies that reached the far corners of the world? Was it the
thoughts of the thousands of blood drinkers who heard them, interpreted them,
and responded to them? Was it Marius's warning that the Mother walks?
"Perhaps
it was some dim sense collected from all these signals-that the time had come
to fulfill the old curse. I cannot tell you. I know only that she moves
northward, that her course is erratic, and that all efforts on my part through
Eric and Mael to find her have failed.
"It
is not me she seeks. I am convinced of it. It is the Mother. And the Mother's
wanderings throw her off course.
"But
she will find the Mother if that is her purpose! She will find the Mother!
Perhaps she will come to realize that she can take to the air as the Mother
can, and she will cover the miles in the blink of an eye when that discovery is
made.
"But
she will find the Mother. I know it. And there can be but one outcome. Either
Mekare will perish; or the Mother will perish, and with the Mother so shall all
of us.
"Mekare's
strength is equal to mine, if not greater. It is equal to the Mother's; and she
may draw from her madness a ferocity which no one can now measure or contain.
"I
am no believer of curses; no believer of prophecy; the spirits that taught me
the validity of such things deserted me thousands of years ago. But Mekare
believed the curse when she uttered it. It came from the depths of her being;
she set it into motion. And her dreams now speak only of the beginning, of the
sources of her rancor, which surely feed the desire for revenge.
"Mekare
may bring about the fulfillment; and it may be the better thing for us all. And
if she does not destroy Akasha, if we do not destroy Akasha, what will be the
outcome? We know now what evils the Mother has already begun to do. Can the
world stop this thing if the world understands nothing of it? That it is
immensely strong, yet certainly vulnerable; with the power to crush, yet skin
and bone that can be pierced or cut? This thing that can fly, and read minds,
and make fire with its thoughts; yet can be burnt itself?
"How
can we stop her and save ourselves, that is the question. I want to live, as I
have always wanted it. I do not want to close my eyes on this world. I do not
want those I love to come to harm. Even the young ones, who must take life, I
struggle in my mind to find some way to protect them. Is this evil of me? Or
are we not a species, and do we not share the desire of any species to live on?
"Hearken
to everything that I've told you of the Mother. To what I've said of her soul,
and of the nature of the demon that resides in her-its core wedded to her core.
Think on the nature of this great invisible thing which animates each one of
us, and every blood drinker who has ever walked.
"We
are as receptors for the energy of this being; as radios are receptors for the
invisible waves that bring sound. Our bodies are no more than shells for this
energy. We are-as Marius so long ago described it-blossoms on a single vine.
"Examine
this mystery. For if we examine it closely perhaps we can yet find a way to
save ourselves.
"And
I would have you examine one thing further in regard to it; perhaps the single
most valuable thing which I have ever learned.
"In
those early times, when the spirits spoke to my sister and me on the side of
the mountain, what human being would have believed that the spirits were
irrelevant things? Even we were captives of their power, thinking it our duty
to use the gifts we possessed for the good of our people, just as Akasha would
later believe.
"For
thousands of years after that, the firm belief in the supernatural has been
part of the human soul. There were times when I would have said it was natural,
chemical, an indispensable ingredient in the human makeup; something without
which humans could not prosper, let alone survive.
"Again
and again we have witnessed the birth of cults and religions-the dreary
proclamations of apparitions and miracles and the subsequent promulgation of
the creeds inspired by these 'events.'
"Travel
the cities of Asia and Europe-behold the ancient temples still standing, and
the cathedrals of the Christian god in which his hymns are still sung. Walk
through the museums of all countries; it is religious painting and sculpture
that dazzles and humbles the soul.
"How
great seems that achievement; the very machinery of culture dependent upon the
fuel of religious belief.
"Yet
what has been the price of that faith which galvanizes countries and sends army
against army; which divides up the map of nations into victor and vanquished;
which annihilates the worshipers of alien gods.
"But
in the last few hundred years, a true miracle has happened which has nothing to
do with spirits or apparitions, or voices from the heavens telling this or that
zealot what he must now do!
"We
have seen in the human animal a resistance finally to the miraculous; a
skepticism regarding the works of spirits, or those who claim to see them and
understand them and speak their truths.
"We
have seen the human mind slowly abandon the traditions of law based upon
revelation, to seek ethical truths through reason; and a way of life based upon
respect for the physical and the spiritual as perceived by all human beings.
"And
with this loss of respect for supernatural intervention; with this credulity of
all things divorced from the flesh, has come the most enlightened age of all;
for men and women seek for the highest inspiration not in the realm of the
invisible, but in the realm of the human-the thing which is both flesh and
spirit; invisible and visible; earthly and transcendent.
"The
psychic, the clairvoyant, the witch, if you will, is no longer of value, I am
convinced of it. The spirits can give us nothing more. In sum, we have outgrown
our susceptibility to such madness, and we are moving to a perfection that the
world has never known.
"The
word has been made flesh at last, to quote the old biblical phrase with all its
mystery; but the word is the word of reason; and the flesh is the
acknowledgment of the needs and the desires which all men and women share.
"And
what would our Queen do for this world with her intervention? What would she
give it-she whose very existence is now irrelevant, she whose mind has been
locked for centuries in a realm of unenlightened dreams?
"She
must be stopped; Marius is right; who could disagree with him? We must stand
ready to help Mekare, not to thwart her, even if it means the end for us all.
"But
let me lay before you now the final chapter of my tale in which lies the
fullest illumination of the threat that the Mother poses to us all:
"As
I've already said, Akasha did not annihilate my people. They lived on in my
daughter Miriam and in her daughters, and those daughters born to them.
"Within
twenty years I had returned to the village where I'd left Miriam, and found her
a young woman who had grown up on the stories that would become the Legend of
the Twins.
"By
the light of the moon I took her with me up the mountain and revealed to her
the caves of her ancestors, and gave her the few necklaces and the gold that
was still hidden deep within the painted grottoes where others feared to go.
And I told Miriam all the stories of her ancestors which I knew. But I adjured
her: stay away from the spirits; stay away from all dealings with things
invisible, whatever people call them, and especially if they are called gods.
"Then
I went to Jericho, for there in the crowded streets it was easy to hunt for
victims, for those who wished for death and would not trouble my conscience;
and easy to hide from prying eyes.
"But
I was to visit Miriam many times over the years; and Miriam gave birth to four
daughters and two sons, and these gave birth in turn to some five children who
lived to maturity and of these five, two were women, and of those women eight
different children were born. And the legends of the family were told by their
mothers to these children; the Legend of the Twins they also learned-the legend
of the sisters who had once spoken to spirits, and made the rain fall, and were
persecuted by the evil King and Queen.
"Two
hundred years later, I wrote down for the first time all the names of my
family, for they were an entire village now, and it took four whole clay
tablets for me to record what I knew. I then filled tablet after tablet with
the stories of the beginning, of the women who had gone back to The Time Before
the Moon.
"And
though I wandered sometimes for a century away from my homeland, searching for
Mekare, hunting the wild coasts of northern Europe, I always came back to my people,
and to my secret hiding places in the mountains and to my house in Jericho, and
I wrote down again the progress of the family, which daughters had been born
and the names of those daughters born to them. Of the sons, too, I wrote in
detail-of their accomplishments, and personalities, and sometime heroism-as I
did with the women. But of their offspring no. It was not possible to know if
the children of the men were truly of my blood, and of my people's blood. And
so the thread became matrilineal as it has always been since.
"But
never, never, in all this time, did I reveal to my family the evil magic which
had been done to me. I was determined that this evil should never touch the
family; and so if I used my ever increasing supernatural powers, it was in
secret, and in ways that could be naturally explained.
"By
the third generation, I was merely a kinswoman who had come home after many
years in another land. And when and if I intervened, to bring gold or advice to
my daughters, it was as a human being might do it, and nothing more.
"Thousands
of years passed as I watched the family in anonymity, only now and then playing
the long lost kinswoman to come into this or that village or family gathering
and hold the children in my arms.
"But
by the early centuries of the Christian era, another concept had seized my
imagination. And so I created the fiction of a branch of the family which kept
all its records-for there were now tablets and scrolls in abundance, and even
bound books. And in each generation of this fictional branch, there was a
fictional woman to whom the task of recordkeeping was passed. The name of
Maharet came with the honor; and when time demanded it, old Maharet would die,
and young Maharet would inherit the task.
"And
so I myself was within the family; and the family knew me; and I knew the
family's love. I became the writer of letters; the benefactor; the unifier; the
mysterious yet trusted visitor who appeared to heal breaches and right wrongs.
And though a thousand passions consumed me; though I lived for centuries in
different lands, learning new languages and customs, and marveling at the
infinite beauty of the world, and the power of the human imagination, I always
returned to the family, the family which knew me and expected things from me.
"As
the centuries passed, as the millennia passed, I never went down into the earth
as many of you have done. I never faced madness and loss of memory as was
common among the old ones, who became often like the Mother and Father, statues
buried beneath the ground. Not a night has passed since those early times that
I have not opened my eyes, known my own name, and looked with recognition upon
the world around me, and reached for the thread of my own life.
"But
it was not that madness didn't threaten. It was not that weariness did not
sometimes overwhelm. It was not that grief did not embitter me, or that
mysteries did not confuse me, or that I did not know pain.
"It
was that I had the records of my family to safeguard; I had my own progeny to look
after, and to guide in the world. And so even in the darkest times, when all
human existence seemed monstrous to me and unbearable, and the changes of the
world beyond comprehension, I turned to the family as if it were the very
spring of life itself.
"And
the family taught me the rhythms and passions of each new age; the family took
me into alien lands where perhaps I would never have ventured alone; the family
took me into realms of art which might have intimidated me; the family was my
guide through time and space. My teacher, my book of life. The family was all
things."
Maharet
paused.
For a
moment it seemed she would say something more. Then she rose from the table.
She glanced at each of the others, and then she looked at Jesse.
"Now
I want you to come with me. I want to show you what this family has
become."
Quietly,
all rose and waited as Maharet walked round the table and then they followed
her out of the room. They followed her across the iron landing in the earthen
stairwell, and into another great mountaintop chamber, with a glass roof and
solid walls.
Jesse
was the last to enter, and she knew even before she had passed through the door
what she would see. An exquisite pain coursed through her, a pain full of remembered
happiness and unforgettable longing. It was the windowless room in which she'd
stood long ago.
How
clearly she recalled its stone fireplace, and the dark leather furnishings
scattered over the carpet; and the air of great and secret excitement,
infinitely surpassing the memory of the physical things, which had forever
haunted her afterwards, engulfing her in half-remembered dreams.
Yes,
there the great electronic map of the world with its flattened continents,
covered with thousands and thousands of tiny glowing lights.
And the
other three walls, so dark, seemingly covered by a fine black wire mesh, until
you realized what you were seeing: an endless ink-drawn vine, crowding every
inch between floor and ceiling, growing from a single root in one corner into a
million tiny swarming branches, each branch surrounded by countless carefully
inscribed names.
A gasp
rose from Marius as he turned about, looking from the great glowing map to the
dense and delicately drawn family tree. Armand gave a faint sad smile also,
while Mael scowled slightly, though he was actually amazed.
The
others stared in silence; Eric had known these secrets; Louis, the most human
of them all, had tears standing in his eyes. Daniel gazed in undisguised
wonder. While Khayman, his eyes dulled as if with sadness, stared at the map as
if he did not see it, as if he were still looking deep into the past.
Slowly
Gabrielle nodded; she made some little sound of approval, of pleasure.
"The
Great Family," she said in simple acknowledgment as she looked at Maharet.
Maharet
nodded.
She
pointed to the great sprawling map of the world behind her, which covered the
south wall.
Jesse
followed the vast swelling procession of tiny lights that moved across it, out
of Palestine, spreading all over Europe, and down into Africa, and into Asia,
and then finally to both continents of the New World. Countless tiny lights
flickering in various colors; and as Jesse deliberately blurred her vision, she
saw the great diffusion for what it was. She saw the old names, too, of
continents and countries and seas, written in gold script on the sheet of glass
that covered the three-dimensional illusion of mountains, plains, valleys.
"These
are my descendants," Maharet said, "the descendants of Miriam, who was
my daughter and Khayman's daughter, and of my people, whose blood was in me and
in Miriam, traced through the maternal line as you see before you, for six
thousand years."
"Unimaginable!"
Pandora whispered. And she too was sad almost to the point of tears. What a
melancholy beauty she had, grand and remote, yet reminiscent of warmth as if it
had once been there, naturally, overwhelmingly. It seemed to hurt her, this
revelation, to remind her of all that she had long ago lost.
"It
is but one human family," Maharet said softly. "Yet there is no
nation on earth that does not contain some part of it, and the descendants of
males, blood of our blood and uncounted, surely exist in equal numbers to all
those now known by name. Many who went into the wastes of Great Russia and into
China and Japan and other dim regions were lost to this record. As are many of
whom I lost track over the centuries for various reasons. Nevertheless their
descendants are there! No people, no race, no country does not contain some of the
Great Family. The Great Family is Arab, Jew, Anglo, African; it is Indian; it
is Mongolian; it is Japanese and Chinese. In sum, the Great Family is the human
family."
"Yes,"
Marius whispered. Remarkable to see the emotion in his face, the faint blush of
human color again and the subtle light in the eyes that always defies
description. "One family and all families-" he said. He went towards
the enormous map and lifted his hands irresistibly as he looked up at it,
studying the course of lights moving over the carefully modeled terrain.
Jesse
felt the atmosphere of that long ago night enfold her; and then unaccountably
those memories-flaring for an instant- faded, as though they didn't matter anymore.
She was here with all the secrets; she was standing again in this room.
She
moved closer to the dark, fine engraving on the wall. She looked at the myriad
tiny names inscribed in black ink; she stood back and followed the progress of
one branch, one thin delicate branch, as it rose slowly to the ceiling through
a hundred different forks and twists.
And
through the dazzle of all her dreams fulfilled now, she thought lovingly of all
those souls who had made up the Great Family that she had known; of the mystery
of heritage and intimacy. The moment was timeless; quiet for her; she didn't
see the white faces of her new kin, the splendid immortal forms caught in their
eerie stillness.
Something
of the real world was alive still for her now, something that evoked awe and
grief and perhaps the finest love she had ever been capable of; and it seemed
for one moment that I natural and
supernatural possibility were equal in their mystery.
They
were equal in their power. And all the miracles of the immortals could not
outshine this vast and simple chronicle. The Great Family.
Her
hand rose as if it had a life of its own. And as the fight caught Mael's silver
bracelet which she wore around her wrist still, she laid her fingers out
silently on the wall. A hundred names covered by the palm of her hand...
"This
is what is threatened now," Marius said, his voice softened by sadness,
his eyes still on the map.
It
startled her, that a voice could be so loud yet so soft. No, she thought, no
one will hurt the Great Family. No one will hurt the Great Family!
She
turned to Maharet; Maharet was looking at her. And here we are, Jesse thought,
at the opposite ends of this vine, Maharet and I.
A
terrible pain welled in Jesse. A terrible pain. To be swept away from all
things real, that had been irresistible, but to think that all things real
could be swept away was unendurable.
During
all her long years with the Talamasca, when she had seen spirits and restless
ghosts, and poltergeists that could terrify their baffled victims, and
clairvoyants speaking in foreign tongues, she had always known that somehow the
supernatural could never impress itself upon the natural. Maharet had been so
right! Irrelevant, yes, safely irrelevant-unable to intervene!
But now
that stood to be changed. The unreal had been made real. It was absurd to stand
in this strange room, amid these stark and imposing forms, and say, This cannot
happen. This thing, this thing called the Mother, could reach out from behind
the veil that had so long separated her from mortal eyes and touch a million
human souls.
What
did Khayman see when he looked at her now, as if he understood her. Did he see
his daughter in Jesse?
"Yes,"
Khayman said. "My daughter. And don't be afraid. Mekare will come. Mekare
will fulfill the curse. And the Great Family will go on."
Maharet
sighed. "When I knew the Mother had risen, I did not guess what she might
do. To strike down her children, to annihilate the evil that had come out of her,
and out of Khayman and me and all of us who out of loneliness have shared this
power- that I could not really question! What right have we to live? What right
have we to be immortal? We are accidents; we are horrors. And though I want my
life, greedily, I want it as fiercely as ever I wanted it-I cannot say that it
is wrong that she has slain so many-"
"She'll
slay more!" Eric said desperately.
"But
it is the Great Family now which falls under her shadow," Maharet said.
"It is their world! And she would make it her own. Unless..."
"Mekare
will come," Khayman said. The simplest smile animated his face.
"Mekare will fulfill the curse. I made Mekare what she is, so that she
would do it. It is our curse now."
Maharet
smiled, but it was vastly different, her expression. It was sad, indulgent, and
curiously cold. "Ah, that you believe in such symmetry, Khayman."
"And
we'll die, all of us!" Eric said.
"There
has to be a way to kill her," Gabrielle said coldly, "without killing
us. We have to think on this, to be ready, to have some sort of plan."
"You
cannot change the prophecy," Khayman whispered.
"Khayman,
if we have learned anything," Marius said, "it is that there is no
destiny. And if there is no destiny then there is no prophecy. Mekare comes
here to do what she vowed to do; it may be all she knows now or all she can do,
but that does not mean that Akasha can't defend herself against Mekare. Don't
you think the Mother knows Mekare has risen? Don't you think the Mother has
seen and heard her children's dreams?"
"Ah,
but prophecies have a way of fulfilling themselves," Khayman said.
"That's the magic of it. We all understood it in ancient times. The power
of charms is the power of the will; you might say that we were all great
geniuses of psychology in those dark days, that we could be slain by the power
of another's designs. And the dreams, Marius, the dreams are but part of a
great design."
"Don't
talk of it as if it were already done," Maharet said. "We have
another tool. We can use reason. This creature speaks now, does she not? She
understands what is spoken to her. Perhaps she can be diverted-"
"Oh,
you are mad, truly mad!" Eric said. "You are going to speak to this
monster that roamed the world incinerating her offspring!" He was becoming
more frightened by the minute. "What does this thing know of reason, that
inflames ignorant women to rise against their men? This thing knows slaughter
and death and violence, that is all it has ever known, as your story makes
plain. We don't change, Maharet. How many times have you told me. We move ever
closer to the perfection of what we were meant to be."
"None
of us wants to die, Eric," Maharet said patiently. But something suddenly
distracted her.
At the
same moment, Khayman too felt it. Jesse studied both of them, attempting to
understand what she was seeing. Then she realized that Marius had undergone a
subtle change as well. Eric was petrified. Mael, to Jesse's surprise, was
staring fixedly at her.
They
were hearing some sound. It was the way they moved their eyes that revealed it;
people listen with their eyes; their eyes dance as they absorb the sound and
try to locate its source.
Suddenly
Eric said: "The young ones should go to the cellar immediately."
"That's
no use," Gabrielle said. "Besides, I want to be here." She
couldn't hear the sound, but she was trying to hear it.
Eric
turned on Maharet. "Are you going to let her destroy us, one by one?"
Maharet
didn't answer. She turned her head very slowly and looked towards the landing.
Then
Jesse finally heard the sound herself. Certainly human ears couldn't hear it;
it was like the auditory equivalent of tension without vibration, coursing
through her as it did through every particle of substance in the room. It was
inundating and disorienting, and though she saw that Maharet was speaking to
Khayman and that Khayman was answering, she couldn't hear what they were
saying. Foolishly, she'd put her hands to her ears. Dimly, she saw that Daniel
had done the same thing, but they both knew it did no good at all.
The
sound seemed suddenly to suspend all time; to suspend momentum. Jesse was
losing her balance; she backed up against the wall; she stared at the map
across from her, as if she wanted it somehow to sustain her. She stared at the
soft flow of the lights streaming out of Asia Minor and to the north and to the
south.
Some
dim, inaudible commotion filled the room. The sound had died away, yet the air
rang with a deafening silence.
In a
soundless dream, it seemed, she saw the figure of the Vampire Lestat appear in
the door; she saw him rush into Gabrielle's arms; she saw Louis move towards
him and then embrace him. And then she saw the Vampire Lestat look at her-and
she caught the flashing image of the funeral feast, the twins, the body on the
altar. He didn't know what it meant! He didn't know.
It
shocked her, the realization. The moment on the stage came back to her, when he
had obviously struggled to recognize some fleeting image, as they had drawn
apart.
Then as
the others drew him away now, with embraces and kisses again-and even Armand
had come to him with his arms out-he gave her the faintest little smile.
"Jesse," he said.
He
stared at the others, at Marius, at the cold and wary faces. And how white his
skin was, how utterly white, yet the warmth, the exuberance, the almost
childlike excitement-it was exactly as it had been before.
Wings stir the sunlit dust of the cathedral in which the Past is buried to its chin in marble. STAN RICE from "Poem on Crawling into Bed: Bitterness" Body of Work (1983)
In the glazed greenery of hedge, and ivy, and inedible strawberries the lilies are white; remote; extreme. Would they were our guardians. They are barbarians. STAN RICE from "Greek Fragments" Body of Work (1983)
She sat
at the end of the table, waiting for them; so still, placid, the magenta gown
giving her skin a deep carnal glow in the light of the fire.
The
edge of her face was gilded by the glow of the flames, and the dark window
glass caught her vividly in a flawless mirror, as if the reflection were the
real thing, floating out there in the transparent night.
Frightened.
Frightened for them and for me. And strangely, for her. It was like a chill,
the presentiment. For her. The one who might destroy all that I had ever loved.
At the
door, I turned and kissed Gabrielle again. I felt her body collapse against me
for an instant; then her attention locked on Akasha. I felt the faint tremor in
her hands as she touched my face. I looked at Louis, my seemingly fragile Louis
with his seemingly invincible composure; and at Armand, the urchin with the
angel's face. Finally those you love are simply... those you love.
Marius
was frigid with anger as he entered the room; nothing could disguise this. He glared
at me-I, the one who had slain those poor helpless mortals and left them strewn
down the mountain. He knew, did he not? And all the snow in the world couldn't
cover it up. I need you, Marius. We need you.
His
mind was veiled; all their minds were veiled. Could they keep their secrets
from her?
As they
filed into the room, I went to her right hand because she wanted me to. And
because that's where I knew I ought to be. I gestured for Gabrielle and Louis
to sit opposite, close, where I could see them. And the look on Louis's face,
so resigned, yet sorrowful, struck my heart.
The
red-haired woman, the ancient one called Maharet, sat at the opposite end of
the table, the end nearest the door. Marius and Armand were on her right. And
on her left was the young red-haired one, Jesse. Maharet looked absolutely
passive, collected, as if nothing could alarm her. But it was rather easy to
see why. Akasha couldn't hurt this creature; or the other very old one,
Khayman, who sat down now to my right.
The one
called Eric was terrified, it was obvious. Only reluctantly did he sit at the
table at all. Mael was afraid too, but it made him furious. He glowered at
Akasha, as if he cared nothing about hiding his disposition.
And
Pandora, beautiful, brown-eyed Pandora-she looked truly uncaring as she took
her place beside Marius. She didn't even look at Akasha. She looked out through
the glass walls, her eyes moving slowly, lovingly, as she saw the forest, the
layers and layers of dim forest, with their dark streaks of redwood bark and
prickling green.
The
other one who didn't care was Daniel. This one I'd seen at the concert too. I
hadn't guessed that Armand had been with him! Hadn't picked up the faintest indication
that Armand had been there. And to think, whatever we might have said to each
other, it was lost now forever. But then that couldn't be, could it? We would
have our time together, Armand and I; all of us. Daniel knew it, pretty Daniel,
the reporter with his little tape recorder who with Louis in a room on
Divisadero Street had somehow started all of this! That's why he looked so
serenely at Akasha; that's why he explored it moment by moment.
I
looked at the black-haired Santino-a rather regal being, who was appraising me
in a calculating fashion. He wasn't afraid either. But he cared desperately
about what happened here. When he looked at Akasha he was awed by her beauty;
it touched some deep wound in him. Old faith flared for a moment, faith that
had meant more to him than survival, and faith that had been bitterly burnt
away.
No time
to understand them all, to evaluate the links which connected them, to ask the
meaning of that strange image-the two red-haired women and the body of the
mother, which I saw again in a glancing flash when I looked at Jesse,
I was
wondering if they could scan my mind and find in it all the things I was
struggling to conceal; the things I unwittingly concealed from myself.
Gabrielle's
face was unreadable now. Her eyes had grown small and gray, as if shutting out
all light and color; she looked from me to Akasha and back again, as if trying
to figure something out.
And a
sudden terror crept over me. Maybe it had been there all the time. They would
never yield either. Something inveterate would prevent it, just as it had with
me. And some fatal resolution would come before we left this room.
For a
moment I was paralyzed. I reached out suddenly and took Akasha's hand, I felt
her fingers close delicately around mine.
"Be
quiet, my prince," she said, unobtrusively and kindly. "What you feel
in this room is death, but it is the death of beliefs and strictures. Nothing
more." She looked at Maharet. "The death of dreams, perhaps,"
she said, "which should have died a long time ago."
Maharet
looked as lifeless and passive as a living thing can look. Her violet eyes were
weary, bloodshot. And suddenly I realized why. They were human eyes. They were
dying in her head. Her blood was infusing them over and over again with life but
it wasn't lasting. Too many of the tiny nerves in her own body were dead.
I saw
the dream vision again. The twins, the body before them. What was the
connection?
"It
is nothing," Akasha whispered. "Something long forgotten; for there
are no answers in history now. We have transcended history. History is built on
errors; we will begin with truth."
Marius
spoke up at once:
"Is
there nothing that can persuade you to stop?" His tone was infinitely more
subdued than I'd expected. He sat forward, hands folded, in the attitude of one
striving to be reasonable. "What can we say? We want you to cease the
apparitions. We want you not to intervene."
Akasha's
fingers tightened on mine.-
The
red-haired woman was staring at me now with her
bloodshot violet eyes.
"Akasha,
I beg you," Marius said. "Stop this rebellion. Don't appear again to
mortals; don't give any further commands."
Akasha
laughed softly. "And why not, Marius? Because it so upsets your precious
world, the world you've been watching for two thousand years, the way you
Romans once watched life and death in the arena, as if such things were
entertainment or theater, as if it did not matter-the literal fact of suffering
and death- as long as you were enthralled?"
"I
see what you mean to do," Marius said. "Akasha, you do not have the
right."
"Marius,
your student here has given me those old arguments," she answered. Her
tone was now as subdued and eloquent of patience as his. "But more
significantly, I have given them a thousand times to myself. How long do you
think I have listened to the prayers of the world, pondering a way to terminate
the endless cycle of human violence? It is time now for you to listen to what I
have to say."
"We
are to play a role in this?" Santino asked. "Or to be destroyed as the
others have been destroyed?" His manner was impulsive rather than
arrogant.
And for
the first time the red-haired woman evinced a flicker of emotion, her weary
eyes fixing on him immediately, her mouth tense.
"You
will be my angels," Akasha answered tenderly as she looked at him.
"You will be my gods. If you do not choose to follow me, I'll destroy you.
As for the old ones, the old ones whom I cannot so easily dispatch"--she
glanced at Khayman and Maharet again-"if they turn against me, they shall
be as devils opposing me, and all humanity shall hunt them down, and they shall
through their opposition serve the scheme quite well. But what you had before-a
world to roam in stealth-you shall never have again."
It
seemed Eric was losing his silent battle with fear. He moved as if he meant to
rise and leave the room.
"Patience,"
Maharet said, glancing at him. She looked back at Akasha.
Akasha
smiled.
"How
is it possible," Maharet asked in a low voice, "to break a cycle of
violence through more wanton violence? You are destroying the males of the
human species. What can possibly be the outcome of such a brutal act?"
"You
know the outcome as well as I do," Akasha said. "It's too simple and
too elegant to be misunderstood. It has been unimaginable until now. All
those centuries I sat upon my throne in Marius's shrine; I dreamed of an earth
that was a garden, a world where beings lived without the torment that I could
hear and feel. I dreamed of people achieving this peace without tyranny. And
then the utter simplicity of it struck me; it was like dawn coming. The people
who can realize such a dream are women; but only if all the men-or very nearly
all the men-are removed.
"In
prior ages, such a thing would not have been workable. But now it is easy;
there is a vast technology which can reinforce it. After the initial purgation,
the sex of babies can be selected; the unwanted unborn can be mercifully
aborted as so many of both sexes are now. But there is no need to discuss this
aspect of it, really. You are not fools, any of you, no matter how emotional or
impetuous you are.
"You
know as I know that there will be universal peace if the male population is
limited to one per one hundred women. All forms of random violence will very
simply come to an end.
"The
reign of peace will be something the world has never known. Then the male
population can be increased gradually. But for the conceptual framework to be
changed, the males must be gone. Who can dispute that? It may not even be
necessary to keep the one in a hundred. But it would be generous to do so. And
so I will allow this. At least as we begin."
I could
see that Gabrielle was about to speak. I tried to give her a silent signal to
be quiet, but she ignored me.
"All
right, the effects are obvious," she said. "But when you speak in
terms of wholesale extermination, then questions of peace become ridiculous.
You're abandoning one half of the world's population. If men and women were
born without arms and legs, this might be a peaceful world as well."
"The
men deserve what will happen to them. As a species, they will reap what they
have sown. And remember, I speak of a temporary cleansing-a retreat, as it
were. It's the simplicity of it which is beautiful. Collectively the lives of
these men do not equal the lives of women who have been killed at the hands of
men over the centuries. You know it and I know it. Now, tell me, how many men
over the centuries have fallen at the hands of women? If you brought back to
life every man slain by a woman, do you think these creatures would fill even
this house?
"But
you see, these points don't matter. Again, we know what I say is true. What
matters-what is relevant and even more exquisite than the proposition itself-is
that we now have the means to make it happen. I am indestructible. You are
equipped to be my angels. And there is no one who can oppose us with
success."
"That's
not true," Maharet said.
A
little flash of anger colored Akasha's cheeks; a glorious blush of red that
faded and left her as inhuman looking as before.
"You
are saying that you can stop me?" she asked, her mouth stiffening.
"You are rash to suggest this. Will you suffer the death of Eric, and
Mael, and Jessica, for such a point?"
Maharet
didn't answer. Mael was visibly shaken but with anger not fear. He glanced at
Jesse and at Maharet and then at me. I could feel his hatred.
Akasha
continued to stare at Maharet.
"Oh,
I know you, believe me," Akasha went on, her voice softening slightly.
"I know how you have survived through all the years unchanged. I have seen
you a thousand times in the eyes of others; I know you dream now that your
sister lives. And perhaps she does-in some pathetic form. I know your hatred of
me has only festered; and you reach back in your mind, all the way back, to the
very beginning as if you could find there some rhyme or reason for what is
happening now. But as you yourself told me long ago when we talked together in
a palace of mud brick on the banks of the Nile River, there is no rhyme or
reason. There is nothing! There are things visible and invisible; and horrible
things can befall the most innocent of us all. Don't you see-this is as
crucial to what I do now as all else."
Again,
Maharet didn't answer. She sat rigid, only her darkly beautiful eyes showing a
faint glimmer of what might have been pain.
"I
shall make the rhyme or reason," Akasha said, with a trace of
anger. "I shall make the future; I shall define goodness; I shall
define peace. And I don't call on mythic gods or goddesses or spirits to
justify my actions, on abstract morality. I do not call on history either! I
don't look for my mother's heart and brain in the dirt!"
A
shiver ran through the others. A little bitter smile played on Santino's lips.
And protectively, it seemed, Louis looked towards the mute figure of Maharet.
Marius
was anxious lest this go further.
"Akasha,"
he said in entreaty, "even if it could be done, even if the mortal
population did not rise against you, and the men did not find some way to destroy
you long before such a plan could be accomplished-"
"You're
a fool, Marius, or you think I am. Don't you think I know what this world is
capable of? What absurd mixture of the savage and the technologically astute
makes up the mind of modern man?"
"My
Queen, I don't think you know it!" Marius said. "Truly, I don't. I
don't think you can hold in your mind the full conception of what the world is.
None of us can; it is too varied, too immense; we seek to embrace it with our
reason; but we can't do it. You know a world; but it is not the world; it is
the world you have selected from a dozen other worlds for reasons within
yourself."
She
shook her head; another flare of anger, "Don't try my patience,
Marius," she said. "I spared you for a very simple reason. Lestat
wanted you spared. And because you are strong and you can be of help to me. But
that is all there is to it, Marius. Tread with care."
A
silence fell between them. Surely he realized that she was lying. I realized
it. She loved him and it humiliated her, and so she sought to hurt him. And she
had. Silently, he swallowed his rage.
"Even
if it could be done," he pressed gently, "can you honestly say that
human beings have done so badly that they should receive such a punishment as
this?"
I felt
the relief course through me. I'd known he would have the courage, I'd known
that he would find some way to take it into the deeper waters, no matter how
she threatened him; he would say all that I had struggled to say.
"Ah,
now you disgust me," she answered.
"Akasha,
for two thousand years I have watched," he said. "Call me the Roman
in the arena if you will and tell me tales of the ages that went before. When I
knelt at your feet I begged you for your knowledge. But what I have witnessed
in this short span has filled me with awe and love for all things mortal; I
have seen revolutions in thought and philosophy which I believed impossible. Is
not the human race moving towards the very age of peace you describe?"
Her
face was a picture of disdain.
"Marius,"
she said, "this will go down as one of the bloodiest centuries in the
history of the human race. What revolutions do you speak of, when millions have
been exterminated by one small European nation on the whim of a madman, when
entire cities were melted into oblivion by bombs? When children in the desert
countries of the East war on other children in the name of an ancient and
despotic God? Marius, women the world over wash the fruits of their wombs down
public drains. The screams of the hungry are deafening, yet unheard by the rich
who cavort in technological citadels; disease runs rampant among the starving
of whole continents while the sick in palatial hospitals spend the wealth of
the world on cosmetic refinements and the promise of eternal life through pills
and vials." She laughed softly. "Did ever the cries of the dying ring
so thickly in the ears of those of us who can hear them? Has ever more blood
been shed!"
I could
feel Marius's frustration. I could feel the passion that made him clench his fist
now and search his soul for the proper words.
"There's
something you cannot see," he said finally. "There is
something that you fail to understand."
"No,
my dear one. There is nothing wrong with my vision. There never was. It is you
who fail to see. You always have."
"Look
out there at the forest!" he said, gesturing to the glass walls around us,
"Pick one tree; describe it, if you will, in terms of what it destroys,
what it defies, and what it does not accomplish, and you have a monster of
greedy roots and irresistible momentum that eats the light of other plants,
their nutrients, their air. But that is not the truth of the tree. That is not
the whole truth when the thing is seen as part of nature, and by nature I mean
nothing sacred, I mean only the full tapestry, Akasha. I mean only the larger
thing which embraces all."
"And
so you will select now your causes for optimism," she said, "as you
always have. Come now. Examine for me the Western cities where even the poor are
given platters of meat and vegetables daily and tell me hunger is no more.
Well, your pupil here has given me enough of that pap already-the idiot
foolishness upon which the complacency of the rich has always been based. The
world is sunk into depravity and chaos; it is as it always was or worse."
"Oh,
no, not so," he said adamantly. "Men and women are learning animals.
If you do not see what they have learned, you're blind. They are creatures ever
changing, ever improving, ever expanding their vision and the capacity of their
hearts. You are not fair to them when you speak of this as the most bloody
century; you are not seeing the light that shines ever more radiantly on
account of the darkness; you are not seeing the evolution of the human soul!"
He rose
from his place at the table, and came round towards her on the left-hand side.
He took the empty chair between her and Gabrielle. And then he reached out and
he lifted her hand.
I was
frightened watching him. Frightened she wouldn't allow him to touch her; but
she seemed to like this gesture; she only smiled.
"True,
what you say about war," he said, pleading with her, and struggling with
his dignity at the same time. "Yes, and the cries of the dying, I too have
heard them; we have all heard them, through all the decades; and even now, the
world is shocked by daily reports of armed conflict. But it is the outcry
against these horrors which is the light I speak of; it's the attitudes which
were never possible in the past. It is the intolerance of thinking men and
women in power who for the first time in the history of the human race truly
want to put an end to injustice in all forms."
"You
speak of the intellectual attitudes of a few."
"No,"
he said. "I speak of changing philosophy; I speak of idealism from which
true realities will be born. Akasha, flawed, as they are, they must have the
time to perfect their own dreams, don't you see?"
"Yes!"
It was Louis who spoke out.
My
heart sank. So vulnerable! Were she to turn her anger on him-But in his quiet
and refined manner, he was going on:
"It's
their world, not ours," he said humbly. "Surely we forfeited it when
we lost our mortality. We have no right now to interrupt their struggle. If we
do we rob them of victories that have cost them too much! Even in the last
hundred years their progress has been miraculous; they have righted wrongs that
mankind thought were inevitable; they have for the first time developed a
concept of the true family of man."
"You
touch me with your sincerity," she answered. "I spared you only
because Lestat loved you. Now I know the reason for that love. What courage it
must take for you to speak your heart to me. Yet you yourself are the most
predatory of all the immortals here. You kill without regard for age or sex or
will to live."
"Then
kill me!" he answered. "I wish that you would. But don't kill human
beings! Don't interfere with them. Even if they kill each other! Give them time
to see this new vision realized; give the cities of the West, corrupt as they
may be, time to take their ideals to a suffering and blighted world."
"Time,"
Maharet said. "Maybe that is what we are asking for. Time. And that is
what you have to give."
There
was a pause.
Akasha didn't
want to look again at this woman; she didn't want to listen to her. I could
feel her recoiling. She withdrew her hand from Marius; she looked at Louis for
a long moment and then she turned to Maharet as if it couldn't be avoided, and
her face became set and almost cruel.
But
Maharet went on:
"You
have meditated in silence for centuries upon your solutions. What is another
hundred years? Surely you will not dispute that the last century on this earth
was beyond all prediction or imagining-and that the technological advances of
that century can conceivably bring food and shelter and health to all the
peoples of the earth."
"Is
that really so?" Akasha responded. A deep smoldering hate heated her smile
as she spoke. "This is what technological advances have given the world.
They have given it poison gas, and diseases born in laboratories, and bombs that
could destroy the planet itself. They have given the world nuclear accidents
that have contaminated the food and drink of entire continents. And the armies
do what they have always done with modern efficiency. The aristocracy of a
people slaughtered in an hour in a snow-filled wood; the intelligentsia of a
nation, including all those who wear eyeglasses, systematically shot. In the
Sudan, women are still habitually mutilated to be made pleasing to their
husbands; in Iran the children run into the fire of guns!"
"This
cannot be all you've seen," Marius said. "I don't believe it. Akasha,
look at me. Look kindly on me, and what I'm trying to say."
"It
doesn't matter whether or not you believe it!" she said with the first
sustained anger. "You haven't accepted what I've been trying to tell you.
You have not yielded to the exquisite image I've presented to your mind. Don't
you realize the gift I offer you? I would save you! And what are you if I don't
do this thing! A blood drinker, a killer!"
I'd
never heard her voice so heated. As Marius started to answer, she gestured
imperiously for silence. She looked at Santino and at Armand.
"You,
Santino," she said. "You who governed the Roman Children of Darkness,
when they believed they did God's will as the Devil's henchmen-do you remember
what it was like to have a purpose? And you, Armand, the leader of the old
Paris coven; remember when you were a saint of darkness? Between heaven and
hell, you had your place. I offer you that again; and it is no delusion! Can
you not reach for your lost ideals?"
Neither
answered her. Santino was horror-struck; the wound inside him was bleeding.
Armand's face revealed nothing but despair.
A dark
fatalistic expression came over her. This was futile. None of them would join
her. She looked at Marius.
"Your
precious mankind!" she said. "It has learned nothing in six thousand
years! You speak to me of ideals and goals! There were men in my father's court
in Uruk who knew the hungry ought to be fed. Do you know what your modern world
is? Televisions are tabernacles of the miraculous and helicopters are its
angels of death!"
"All
right, then, what would your world be?" Marius said. His hands were
trembling. "You don't believe that the women aren't going to fight for
their men?"
She
laughed. She turned to me. "Did they fight in Sri Lanka, Lestat? Did they
fight in Haiti? Did they fight in Lynkonos?"
Marius
stared at me. He waited for me to answer, to take my stand with him. I wanted
to make arguments; to reach for the threads he'd given me and take it further.
But my mind went blank.
"Akasha,"
I said. "Don't continue this bloodbath. Please. Don't lie to human beings
or befuddle them anymore."
There
it was-brutal and unsophisticated, but the only truth I could give.
"Yes,
for that's the essence of it," Marius said, his tone careful again,
fearful, and almost pleading. "It's a lie, Akasha; it's another superstitious
lie! Have we not had enough of them? And now, of all times, when the world's
waking from its old delusions. When it has thrown off the old gods."
"A
lie?" she asked. She drew back, as if he'd hurt her. "What is the
lie? Did I lie when I told them I would bring a reign of peace on earth? Did I
lie when I told them I was the one they had been waiting for? No, I didn't lie.
What I can do is give them the first bit of truth they've ever had! I am what
they think I am. I am eternal, and all powerful, and shall protect them-"
"Protect
them?" Marius asked. "How can you protect them from their most deadly
foes?"
"What
foes?"
"Disease,
my Queen. Death. You are no healer. You cannot give life or save it. And they
will expect such miracles. All you can do is kill."
Silence.
Stillness. Her face suddenly as lifeless as it had been in the shrine; eyes
staring forward; emptiness or deep thought, impossible to distinguish.
No
sound but the wood shifting and falling into the fire.
"Akasha,"
I whispered. "Time, the thing that Maharet asked for. A century. So little
to give."
Dazed,
she looked at me. I could feel death breathing on my face, death close as it
had been years and years ago when the wolves tracked me into the frozen forest,
and I couldn't reach up high enough for the limbs of the barren trees.
"You
are all my enemies, aren't you?" she whispered. "Even you, my prince.
You are my enemy. My lover and my enemy at the same time."
"I
love you!" I said. "But I can't lie to you. I cannot believe in it!
It is wrong! It is the very simplicity and the elegance which make it so
wrong!"
Her
eyes moved rapidly over their faces. Eric was on the verge of panic again. And
I could feel the anger cresting in Mael.
"Is
there not one of you who would stand with me?" she whispered. "Not
one who would reach for that dazzling dream? Not even one who is ready to
forsake his or her small and selfish world?" Her eyes fixed on Pandora.
"Ah, you, poor dreamer, grieving for your lost humanity; would you not be
redeemed?"
Pandora
stared as if through a dim glass. "I have no taste for bringing
death," she answered in an even softer whisper. "It is enough for me
to see it in the falling leaves. I cannot believe good things can come from
bloodshed. For that's the crux, my Queen. Those horrors happen still, but good
men and women everywhere deplore them; you would reclaim such methods; you
would exonerate them and bring the dialogue to an end." She smiled sadly.
"I am a useless thing to you. I have nothing to give."
Akasha
didn't respond. Then her eyes moved over the others again; she took the measure
of Mael, of Eric. Of Jesse.
"Akasha,"
I said. "History is a litany of injustice, no one denies it. But when has
a simple solution ever been anything but evil? Only in complexity do we find
answers. Through complexity men struggle towards fairness; it is slow and
clumsy, but it's the only way. Simplicity demands too great a sacrifice. It
always has."
"Yes,"
Marius said. "Exactly. Simplicity and brutality are synonymous in
philosophy and in actions. It is brutal what you propose!"
"Is
there no humility in you?" she asked suddenly. She turned from me to him.
"Is there no willingness to understand? You are so proud, all of you, so
arrogant. You want your world to remain the same on account of your
greed!"
"No,"
Marius said.
"What
have I done that you should set yourselves so against me?" she demanded.
She looked at me, then at Marius, and finally to Maharet. "From Lestat I
expected arrogance," she said. "I expected platitudes and rhetoric,
and untested ideas. But from many of you I expected more. Oh, how you
disappoint me. How can you turn away from the destiny that awaits you? You who
could be saviors! How can you deny what you have seen?"
"But
they'd want to know what we really are," Santino said. "And once they
did know, they'd rise against us. They'd want the immortal blood as they always
do."
"Even
women want to live forever," Maharet said coldly. "Even women would
kill for that."
"Akasha,
it's folly," said Marius. "It cannot be accomplished. For the Western
world, not to resist would be unthinkable."
"It
is a savage and primitive vision," Maharet said with cold scorn.
Akasha's
face darkened again with anger. Yet even in rage, the prettiness of her
expression remained. "You have always opposed me!" she said to
Maharet. "I would destroy you if I could. I would hurt those you
love."
There
was a stunned silence. I could smell the fear of the others, though no one
dared to move or speak.
Maharet
nodded. She smiled knowingly.
"It
is you who are arrogant," she answered. "It is you who have learned
nothing. It is you who have not changed in six thousand years. It is your soul
which remains unperfected, while mortals move to realms you will never grasp.
In your isolation you dreamed dreams as thousands of mortals have done,
protected from all scrutiny or challenge; and you emerge from your silence,
ready to make these dreams real for the world? You bring them here to this
table, among a handful of your fellow creatures, and they crumble. You cannot
defend them. How could anyone defend them? And you tell us we deny what we
see!"
Slowly
Maharet rose from the chair. She leant forward slightly, her weight resting on
her fingers as they touched the wood.
"Well,
I'll tell you what I see," she went on. "Six thousand years ago, when
men believed in spirits, an ugly and irreversible accident occurred; it was as
awful in its own way as the monsters born now and then to mortals which nature
does not suffer to live. But you, clinging to life, and clinging to your will,
and clinging to your royal prerogative, refused to take that awful mistake with
you to an early grave. To sanctify it, that was your purpose. To spin a great
and glorious religion; and that is still your purpose now. But it was an accident
finally, a distortion, and nothing more.
"And
look now at the ages since that dark and evil moment, look at the other
religions founded upon magic; founded upon some apparition or voice from the
clouds! Founded upon the intervention of the supernatural in one guise or
another-miracles, revelations, a mortal man rising from the dead!
"Look
on the effect of your religions, those movements that have swept up millions
with their fantastical claims. Look at what they have done to human history.
Look at the wars fought on account of them; look at the persecutions, the
massacres. Look at the pure enslavement of reason; look at the price of faith
and zeal.
"And
you tell us of children dying in the Eastern countries, in the name of Allah as
the guns crackle and the bombs fall!
"And
the war of which you speak in which one tiny European nation sought to
exterminate a people... In the name of what grand spiritual design for a new
world was that done? And what does the world remember of it? The death camps, the
ovens in which bodies were burnt by the thousands. The ideas are gone!
"I
tell you, we would be hard put to determine what is more evil-religion or the
pure idea. The intervention of the supernatural or the elegant simple abstract
solution! Both have bathed this earth in suffering; both have brought the human
race literally and figuratively to its knees.
"Don't
you see? It is not man who is the enemy of the human species. It is the
irrational; it is the spiritual when it is divorced from the material; from the
lesson in one beating heart or one bleeding vein.
"You
accuse us of greed. Ah, but our greed is our salvation. Because we know what we
are; we know our limits and we know our sins; you have never known yours.
"You
would begin it all again, wouldn't you? You would bring a new religion, a new
revelation, a new wave of superstition and sacrifice and death."
"You
lie," Akasha answered, her voice barely able to contain her fury.
"You betray the very beauty I dream of; you betray it because you have no
vision, you have no dreams."
"The
beauty is out there!" Maharet said. "It does not deserve your
violence! Are you so merciless that the lives you would destroy mean nothing!
Ah, it was always so!"
The
tension was unbearable. The blood sweat was breaking out on my body. I could
see the panic all around. Louis had bowed his head and covered his face with
his hands. Only the young Daniel seemed hopelessly enraptured. And Armand
merely gazed at Akasha as if it were all out of his hands.
Akasha
was silently struggling. But then she appeared to regain her conviction.
"You
lie as you have always done," she said desperately. "But it does not
matter whether you fight on my side. I will do what I mean to do; I will reach back
over the millennia and I will redeem that long ago moment, that long ago evil
which you and your sister brought into our land; I will reach back and raise it
up in the eyes of the world until it becomes the Bethlehem of the new era; and
peace on earth will exist at last. There is no great good that was ever done
without sacrifice and courage. And if you all turn against me, if you all
resist me, then I shall make of better mettle the angels I require."
"No,
you will not do it," Maharet said.
"Akasha,
please," Marius said. "Grant us time. Agree only to wait, to
consider. Agree that nothing must come from this moment."
"Yes,"
I said. "Give us time. Come with me. Let us go together out there-you and
I and Marius-out of dreams and visions and into the world itself."
"Oh,
how you insult me and belittle me," she whispered. Her anger was turned on
Marius but it was about to turn on me.
"There
are so many things, so many places," he said, "that I want to show
you! Only give me a chance. Akasha, for two thousand years I cared for you, I
protected you..."
"You
protected yourself! You protected the source of your power, the source of your
evil!"
"I'm
imploring you," Marius said. "I will get on my knees to you. A month
only, to come with me, to let us talk together, to let us examine all the
evidence..."
"So
small, so selfish," Akasha whispered. "And you feel no debt to the
world that made you what you are, no debt to give it now the benefit of your
power, to alchemize yourselves from devils into gods!"
She turned
to me suddenly, the shock spreading over her face.
"And
you, my prince, who came into my chamber as if I were the Sleeping Beauty, who
brought me to life again with your passionate kiss. Will you not reconsider?
For my love!" The tears again were standing in her eyes. "Must you
join with them now against me, too?" She reached up and placed her two
hands on the sides of my face. "How can you betray me?" she said.
"How can you betray such a dream? They are slothful beings; deceitful;
full of malice. But your heart was pure. You had a courage that transcended
pragmatism. You had your dreams too!"
I
didn't have to answer. She knew. She could see it better perhaps than I could
see it. And all I saw was the suffering in her black eyes. The pain, the incomprehension;
and the grief she was already experiencing for me.
It
seemed she couldn't move or speak suddenly. And there was nothing I could do
now; nothing to save them; or me. I loved her! But I couldn't stand with her!
Silently, I begged her to understand and forgive.
Her
face was frozen, almost as if the voices had reclaimed her, it was as if I were
standing before her throne in the path of her changeless gaze.
"I
will kill you first, my prince," she said, her fingers caressing me all
the more gently. "I want you gone from me. I will not look into your face
and see this betrayal again."
"Harm
him and that shall be our signal," Maharet whispered. "We shall move
against you as one."
"And
you move against yourselves!" she answered, glancing at Maharet. "When
I finish with this one I love, I shall kill those you love; those who should
have been dead already; I shall destroy all those whom I can destroy; but who
shall destroy me?"
"Akasha,"
Marius whispered. He rose and came towards her; but she moved in the blink of
an eye and knocked him to the floor. I heard him cry out as he fell. Santino
went to his aid.
Again,
she looked at me; and her hands closed on my shoulders, gentle and loving as
before. And through the veil of my tears, I saw her smile sadly. "My
prince, my beautiful prince," she said.
Khayman
rose from the table. Eric rose. And Mael. And then the young ones rose, and
lastly Pandora, who moved to Marius's side.
She
released me. And she too rose to her feet. The night was so quiet suddenly that
the forest seemed to sigh against the glass.
And
this is what I've wrought, I who alone remained seated, looking not at any of
them, but at nothing. At the small glittering sweep of my life, my little
triumphs, my little tragedies, my dreams of waking the goddess, my dreams of
goodness, and of fame.
What
was she doing? Assessing their power? Looking from one to the other, and then
back to me. A stranger looking down from some lofty height. And so now the fire
comes, Lestat. Don't dare to look at Gabrielle or Louis, lest she turn it that
way. Die first, like a coward, and then you don't have to see them die.
And the
awful part is, you won't know who wins finally- whether or not she triumphs, or
we all go down together. Just like not knowing what it was all about, or why,
or what the hell the dream of the twins meant, or how this whole world came
into being. You just won't ever know.
I was
weeping now and she was weeping and she was that tender fragile being again,
the being I had held on Saint-Domingue, the one who needed me, but that
weakness wasn't destroying her after all, though it would certainly destroy me.
"Lestat,"
she whispered as if in disbelief.
"I
can't follow you," I said, my voice breaking. Slowly I rose to my feet.
"We're not angels, Akasha; we are not gods. To be human, that's what most
of us long for. It is the human which has become myth to us."
It was
killing me to look at her. I thought of her blood flowing into me; of
the powers she'd given me. Of what it had been like to travel with her through
the clouds. I thought of the euphoria in the Haitian village when the women had
come with their candles, singing their hymns.
"But
that is what it will be, my beloved," she whispered. "Find your
courage! It's there." The blood tears were coursing down her face. Her lip
trembled and the smooth flesh of her forehead was creased with those perfectly
straight lines of utter distress.
Then
she straightened. She looked away from me: and her face went blank and beautifully
smooth again. She looked past us, and I felt she was reaching for the strength
to do it, and the others had better act fast. I wished for that-like sticking a
dagger into her; they had better bring her down now, and I could feel the tears
sliding down my face.
But
something else was happening. There was a great soft musical sound from
somewhere. Glass shattering, a great deal of glass. There was a sudden obvious
excitement in Daniel. In Jesse, But the old ones stood frozen, listening.
Again, glass breaking; someone entering by one of the many portals of this
rambling house.
She
took a step back. She quickened as if seeing a vision; and a loud hollow sound
filled the stairwell beyond the open door. Someone down below in the passage.
She
moved away from the table, towards the fireplace. She seemed for all the world
afraid.
Was
that possible? Did she know who was coming, and was it another old one? And was
that what she feared-that more could accomplish what these few could not?
It was
nothing so calculated finally; I knew it; she was being defeated inside. All
courage was leaving her. It was the need, the loneliness, after all! It had
begun with my resistance, and they had deepened it, and then I had dealt her
yet another blow. And now she was transfixed by this loud, echoing, and
impersonal noise. Yet she did know who this person was, I could sense it. And
the others knew too.
The
noise was growing louder. The visitor was coming up the stairs. The skylight
and the old iron pylons reverberated with the shock of each heavy step.
"But
who is it!" I said suddenly. I could stand it no longer. There was that
image again, that image of the mother's body and the twins.
"Akasha!"
Marius said. "Give us the time we ask for. Forswear the moment. That is enough!"
"Enough
for what!" she cried sharply, almost savagely.
"For
our lives, Akasha," he said. "For all our lives!"
I heard
Khayman laugh softly, the one who hadn't spoken even once.
The
steps had reached the landing.
Maharet
stood at the edge of the open doorway, and Mael was beside her. I hadn't even
seen them move.
Then I
saw who and what it was. The woman I'd glimpsed moving through the jungles,
clawing her way out of the earth, walking the long miles on the barren plain.
The other twin of the dreams I'd never understood! And now she stood framed in
the dim light from the stairwell, staring straight at the distant figure of
Akasha, who stood some thirty feet away with her back to the glass wall and the
blazing fire.
Oh, but
the sight of this one. Gasps came from the others, even from the old ones, from
Marius himself.
A thin
layer of soil encased her all over, even the rippling shape of her long hair.
Broken, peeling, stained by the rain even, the mud still clung to her, clung to
her naked arms and bare feet as if she were made of it, made of earth itself.
It made a mask of her face. And her eyes peered out of the mask, naked, rimmed
in red.
A rag
covered her, a blanket filthy and torn, and tied with a hemp rope around her waist.
What
impulse could make such a being cover herself, what tender human modesty had
caused this living corpse to stop and make this simple garment, what suffering
remnant of the human heart?
Beside
her, staring at her, Maharet appeared to weaken suddenly all over as if her
slender body were going to drop.
"Mekare!"
she whispered.
But the
woman didn't see her or hear her; the woman stared at Akasha, the eyes gleaming
with fearless animal cunning as Akasha moved back towards the table, putting
the table between herself and this creature, Akasha's face hardening, her eyes
full of undisguised hate.
"Mekare!"
Maharet cried. She threw out her hands and tried to catch the woman by the
shoulders and turn her around.
The
woman's right hand went out, shoving Maharet backwards so that she was thrown
yards across the room until she tumbled against the wall.
The
great sheet of plate glass vibrated, but did not shatter. Gingerly Maharet
touched it with her fingers; then with the fluid grace of a cat, she sprang up
and into the arms of Eric, who was rushing to her aid.
Instantly
he pulled her back towards the door. For the woman now struck the enormous
table and sent it sliding northward, and then over on its side.
Gabrielle
and Louis moved swiftly into the northwest corner, Santino and Armand the other
way, towards Mael and Eric and Maharet.
Those
of us on the other side merely backed away, except for Jesse, who had moved
towards the door.
She
stood beside Khayman and as I looked at him now I saw with amazement that he
wore a thin, bitter smile.
"The
curse, my Queen," he said, his voice rising sharply to fill the room.
The
woman froze as she heard him behind her. But she did not turn around.
And Akasha,
her face shimmering in the firelight, quavered visibly, and the tears flowed
again.
"All
against me, all of you!" she said. "Not a one who would come to my
side!" She stared at me, even as the woman moved towards her.
The
woman's muddy feet scraped the carpet, her mouth gaping and her hands only
slightly poised, her arms still down at her sides. Yet it was the perfect
attitude of menace as she took one slow step after another.
But
again Khayman spoke, bringing her suddenly to a halt.
In
another language, he cried out, his voice gaining volume until it was a roar.
And only the dimmest translation of it came clear to me.
"Queen
of the Damned... hour of worst menace... I shall rise to stop you..." I
understood. It had been Mekare's-the woman's-prophecy and curse. And everyone
here knew it, understood it. It had to do with that strange, inexplicable
dream.
"Oh,
no, my children!" Akasha screamed suddenly. "It is not
finished!"
I could
feel her collecting her powers; I could see it, her body tensing, breasts
thrust forward, her hands rising as if reflexively, fingers curled.
The
woman was struck by it, shoved backwards, but instantly resisted. And then she
too straightened, her eyes widening, and she rushed forward so swiftly I
couldn't follow it, her hands out for the Queen.
I saw
her fingers, caked with mud, streaking towards Akasha; I saw Akasha's face as
she was caught by her long black hair. I heard her scream. Then I saw her
profile, as her head struck the western window and shattered it, the glass
crashing down in great ragged shards.
A
violent shock passed through me; I could neither breathe nor move. I was
falling to the floor. I couldn't control my limbs. Akasha's headless body was
sliding down the fractured glass wall, the shards still falling around it.
Blood streamed down the broken glass behind her. And the woman held Akasha's
severed head by the hair!
Akasha's
black eyes blinked, widened. Her mouth opened as if to scream again.
And
then the light was going out all around me; it was as if the fire had been
extinguished, only it hadn't, and as I rolled over on the carpet, crying, my
hand clawing at it involuntarily, I saw the distant flames through a dark rosy
haze.
I tried
to lift my weight. I couldn't. I could hear Marius calling to me, Marius
silently calling only my name.
Then I
was rising, just a little, and all my weight pressed against my aching arms and
hands.
Akasha's
eyes were fixed on me. Her head was lying there almost within my reach, and the
body lay on its back, blood gushing from the stump of the neck. Suddenly the
right arm quivered; it was lifted, then it flopped back down to the floor. Then
it rose again, the hand dangling. It was reaching for the head!
I could
help it! I could use the powers she'd given me to try to move it, to help it
reach the head. And as I struggled to see in the dimming light, the body
lurched, shivered, and flopped down closer to the head.
But the
twins! They were beside the head and the body. Mekare, staring at the head
dully, with those vacant red-rimmed eyes. And Maharet, as if with the last
breath in her, kneeling now beside her sister, over the body of the Mother, as
the room grew darker and colder, and Akasha's face began to grow pale and
ghostly white as if all the light inside were going out.
I
should have been afraid; I should have been in terror; the cold was creeping
over me, and I could hear my own choking sobs. But the strangest elation
overcame me; I realized suddenly what I was seeing:
"It's
the dream," I said. Far away I could hear my own voice. "The twins
and the body of the Mother, do you see it! The image from the dream!"
Blood
spread out from Akasha's head into the weave of the carpet; Maharet was sinking
down, her hands out flat, and Mekare too had weakened and bent down over the
body, but it was still the same image, and I knew why I'd seen it now, I knew
what it meant!
"The
funeral feast!" Marius cried. "The heart and the brain, one of
you-take them into yourself. It is the only chance."
Yes,
that was it. And they knew! No one had to tell them. They knew!
That
was the meaning! And they'd all seen it, and they all knew. Even as my eyes
were closing, I realized it; and this lovely feeling deepened, this sense of
completeness, of something finished at last. Of something known!
Then I
was floating, floating in the ice cold darkness again as if I were in Akasha's
arms, and we were rising into the stars.
A sharp
crackling sound brought me back. Not dead yet, but dying. And where are those I
love?
Fighting
for life still, I tried to open my eyes; it seemed impossible. But then I saw
them in the thickening gloom-the two of them, their red hair catching the hazy
glow of the fire; the one holding the bloody brain in her mud-covered fingers,
and the other, the dripping heart. All but dead they were, their own eyes
glassy, their limbs moving as if through water. And Akasha stared forward
still, her mouth open, the blood gushing from her shattered skull. Mekare
lifted the brain to her mouth; Maharet put the heart in her other hand; Mekare
took them both into herself.
Darkness
again; no firelight; no point of reference; no sensation except pain; pain all through
the thing that I was which had no limbs, no eyes, no mouth to speak. Pain,
throbbing, electrical; and no way to move to lessen it, to push it this way, or
that way, or tense against it, or fade into it. Just pain.
Yet I
was moving. I was thrashing about on the floor. Through the pain I could feel
the carpet suddenly; I could feel my feet digging at it as if I were trying to
climb a steep cliff. And then I heard the unmistakable sound of the fire near
me; and I felt the wind gusting through the broken window, and I smelled all
those soft sweet scents from the forest rushing into the room. A violent shock
coursed through me, through every muscle and pore, my arms and legs flailing.
Then still.
The
pain was gone.
I lay
there gasping, staring at the brilliant reflection of the fire in the glass
ceiling, and feeling the air fill my lungs, and I realized I was crying again,
broken heartedly, like a child.
The
twins knelt with their backs to us; and they had their arms around each other,
and their heads were together, their hair mingling, as they caressed each
other, gently, tenderly, as if talking through touch alone.
I
couldn't muffle my sobs. I turned over and drew my arm up under my face and
just wept.
Marius
was near me. And so was Gabrielle. I wanted to take Gabrielle into my arms. I
wanted to say all the things I knew I should say-that it was over and we had
survived it, and it was finished-but I couldn't.
Then
slowly I turned my head and looked at Akasha's face again, her face still
intact, though all the dense, shining whiteness was gone, and she was as pale,
as translucent as glass! Even her eyes, her beautiful ink black eyes were
becoming transparent, as if there were no pigment in them; it had all been the
blood.
Her
hair lay soft and silken beneath her cheek, and the dried blood was lustrous
and ruby red.
I
couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to. I started to say her name and it caught
in my throat. It was as if I shouldn't do it. I never should have. I never
should have gone up those marble steps and kissed her face in the shrine.
They
were all coming to life again, the others. Armand was holding Daniel and Louis,
who were both groggy and unable yet to stand; and Khayman had come forward with
Jesse beside him, and the others were all right too. Pandora, trembling, her
mouth twisted with her crying, stood far apart, hugging herself as if she were
cold.
And the
twins turned around and stood up now, Maharet's arm around Mekare. And Mekare
stared forward, expressionless, uncomprehending, the living statue; and Maharet
said:
"Behold.
The Queen of the Damned."
Some things lighten nightfall and make a Rembrandt of a grief. But mostly the swiftness of time is a joke; on us. The flame-moth is unable to laugh. What luck. The myths are dead. STAN RICE "Poem on Crawling into Bed: Bitterness" Body of Work (1983)
Miami.
A vampire's city-beautiful. Melting hot, teeming, and embracingly hot,
marketplace, playground.
Where
the desperate and the greedy are locked in subversive commerce, and the sky
belongs to everyone, and the beach goes on forever; and the lights outshine the
heavens, and the sea is as warm as blood.
Miami.
The happy hunting ground of the devil.
That's
why we are here, in Armand's large, graceful white villa on the Night Island,
surrounded by every conceivable luxury, and the wide open southern night.
Out
there, across the water, Miami beckons; victims just waiting: the pimps, the
thieves, the dope kings, and the killers. The nameless ones; so many who are
almost as bad as I am, but not quite.
Armand
had gone over at sunset with Marius; and they were back now, Armand playing
chess with Santino in the drawing room, Marius reading as he did constantly, in
the leather chair by the window over the beach.
Gabrielle
had not appeared yet this evening; since Jesse left, she was frequently alone.
Khayman
sat in the downstairs study talking with Daniel now, Daniel who liked to let
the hunger build, Daniel who wanted to know all about what it had been like in
ancient Miletus, and Athens, and Troy. Oh, don't forget Troy. I myself was
vaguely intrigued by the idea of Troy.
I liked
Daniel. Daniel who might go with me later if I asked him; if I could bring
myself to leave this island, which I have done only once since I arrived.
Daniel who still laughed at the path the moon made over the water, or the warm
spray in his face. For Daniel, all of it-her death even-had been spectacle. But
he cannot be blamed for that.
Pandora
almost never moved from the television screen. Marius had brought her the
stylish modern garments she wore; satin shirt, boots to the knee, cleaving
velvet skirt. He'd put the bracelets on her arms, and the rings on her fingers,
and each evening he brushed her long brown hair. Sometimes he presented her
with little gifts of perfume. If he did not open them for her, they lay on the
table untouched. She stared the way Armand did at the endless progression of
video movies, only now and then breaking off to go to the piano in the music
room and play softly for a little while.
I liked
her playing; rather like the Art of the Fugue, her seamless variations. But she
worried me; the others didn't. The others had all recovered from what had
happened, more quickly than I had ever imagined they could. She'd been damaged
in some crucial way before it all began.
Yet she
liked it here; I knew she did. How could she not like it? Even though she never
listened to a word that Marius said.
We all
liked it. Even Gabrielle.
White rooms
filled with gorgeous Persian carpets and endlessly intriguing
paintings-Matisse, Monet, Picasso, Giotto, Géricault. One could spend a century
merely looking at the paintings; Armand was constantly changing them, shifting
their positions, bringing up some new treasure from the cellar, slipping in
little sketches here and there.
Jesse
had loved it here too, though she was gone now, to join Maharet in Rangoon.
She had
come here into my study and told me her side of it very directly, asking me to
change the names she'd used and to leave out the Talamasca altogether, which of
course I wouldn't do. I'd sat silently, scanning her mind as she talked, for
all the little things she was leaving out. Then I'd poured it into the
computer, while she sat watching, thinking, staring at the dark gray velvet
curtains, and the Venetian clock; and the cool colors of the Morandi on the
wall.
I think
she knew I wouldn't do what she told me to do. She also knew it wouldn't
matter. People weren't likely to believe in the Talamasca any more than they
would ever believe in us. That is, unless David Talbot or Aaron Lightner came
to call on them the way that Aaron had called on Jesse.
As for
the Great Family, well, it wasn't likely that any of them would think it more
than a fiction, with a touch here and there of truth; that is, if they ever
happened to pick up the book.
That's
what everybody had thought of Interview with the Vampire and my
autobiography, and they would think it about The Queen of the Damned
too.
And
that's how it should be. Even I agree with that now. Maharet was right. No room
for us; no room for God or the Devil; it should be metaphor-the
supernatural-whether it's High Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral, or Faust
selling his soul in an opera, or a rock star pretending to be the Vampire
Lestat.
Nobody
knew where Maharet had taken Mekare. Even Eric probably didn't know now either,
though he'd left with them, promising to meet Jesse in Rangoon.
Before
she left the Sonoma compound, Maharet had startled me with a little whisper:
"Get it straight when you tell it-the Legend of the Twins."
That
was permission, wasn't it? Or cosmic indifference, I'm not sure which. I'd said
nothing about the book to anyone; I'd only brooded on it in those long painful
hours when I couldn't really think, except in terms of chapters: an ordering; a
road map through the mystery; a chronicle of seduction and pain.
Maharet
had looked worldly yet mysterious that last evening, coming to find me in the
forest, garmented in black and wearing her fashionable paint, as she called
it-the skillful cosmetic mask that made her into an alluring mortal woman who
could move with only admiring glances through the real world. What a tiny waist
she had, and such long hands, even more graceful, it seemed, for the tight
black kid gloves she wore. So carefully she had stepped through the ferns and
past the tender saplings, when she might have pushed the trees themselves out
of her path.
She'd
been to San Francisco with Jessica and Gabrielle; they had walked past houses
with cheerful lights; on clean narrow pavements; where people lived, she'd
said. How crisp her speech had been, how effortlessly contemporary; not like
the timeless woman I had first encountered in the mountaintop room.
And why
was I alone again, she'd asked, sitting by myself near the little creek that
ran through the thick of the redwoods? Why would I not talk to the others, even
a little? Did I know how protective and fearful they were?
They
are still asking me those questions now.
Even Gabrielle,
who in the main never bothers with questions, never says much of anything. They
want to know when I'm going to recover, when I'm going to talk about what
happened, when I'm going to stop writing all through the night.
Maharet
had said that we would see her again very soon. In the spring perhaps we should
come to her house in Burma. Or maybe she'd surprise us one evening. But the
point was, we were never to be isolated from one another; we had ways to find
each other, no matter where we might roam.
Yes, on
that vital point at least everyone had agreed. Even Gabrielle, the loner, the
wanderer, had agreed.
Nobody
wanted to be lost in time again.
And
Mekare? Would we see her again? Would she ever sit with us around a table?
Speak to us with a language of gestures and signs?
I had
laid eyes upon her only once after that terrible night. And it had been
entirely unexpected, as I came through the forest, back to the compound, in the
soft purple light just before dawn.
There
had been a mist crawling over the earth, thinning above the ferns and the few
scattered winter wild flowers, and then paling utterly into phosphorescence as
it rose among the giant trees.
And the
twins had come through the mist together, walking down into the creek bed to
make their way along the stones, arms locked around each other, Mekare in a
long wool gown as beautiful as her sister's, her hair brushed and shining as it
hung down around her shoulders and over her breasts.
It
seemed Maharet had been speaking softly in Mekare's ear. And it was Mekare who
stopped to look at me, her green eyes wide and her face for one moment
unaccountably frightening in its blankness, as I'd felt my grief like a
scorching wind on my heart.
I'd
stood entranced looking at her, at both of them, the pain in me suffocating, as
if my lungs were being dried up.
I don't
know what my thoughts were; only that the pain seemed unbearable. And that
Maharet had made some little tender motion to me of greeting, and that I should
go my way. Morning coming. The forest was waking all around us. Our precious
moments slipping by. My pain had been finally loosened, like a moan coming out
of me, and I'd let it go as I'd turned away.
I'd
glanced back once to see the two figures moving eastward, down the rippling
silver creek bed, swallowed as it were by the roaring music of the water that
followed its relentless path through the scattered rocks.
The old
image of the dream had faded just a little. And when I think of them now, I
think not of the funeral feasts but of that moment, the two sylphs in the
forest, only nights before Maharet left the Sonoma compound taking Mekare away.
I was
glad when they were gone because it meant that we would be going. And I did not
care if I ever saw the Sonoma compound again. My sojourn there had been agony,
though the first few nights after the catastrophe had been the worst.
How
quickly the bruised silence of the others had given way to endless analysis, as
they strained to interpret what they'd seen and felt. How had the thing been transferred
exactly? Had it abandoned the tissues of the brain as they disintegrated,
racing through Mekare's bloodstream until it found the like organ in her? Had
the heart mattered at all?
Molecular;
nucleonic; solitons; protoplasm; glittering modern words! Come now, we are
vampires! We thrive on the blood of the living; we kill; and we love it.
Whether we need to do it or not.
I
couldn't bear to listen to them; I couldn't bear their silent yet obsessive
curiosity: What was it like with her? What did you do in those few nights?
I couldn't get away from them either; I certainly hadn't the will to leave
altogether; I trembled when I was with them; trembled when I was apart.
The
forest wasn't deep enough for me; I'd roamed for miles through the mammoth redwoods,
and then through scrub oaks and open fields and into dank impassable woods
again. No getting away from their voices: Louis confessing how he had lost
consciousness during those awful moments; Daniel saying that he had heard our
voices, yet seen nothing; Jesse, in Khayman's arms, had witnessed it all.
How
often they had pondered the irony-that Mekare had brought down her enemy with a
human gesture; that, knowing nothing of invisible powers, she had struck out as
any human might, but with inhuman speed and strength.
Had any
of her survived in Mekare? That was what I kept wondering. Forget the
"poetry of science" as Maharet had called it. That was what I wanted
to know. Or had her soul been released at last when the brain was torn loose?
Sometimes
in the dark, in the honeycombed cellar with its tin-plated walls and its
countless impersonal chambers, I'd wake, certain that she was right there
beside me, no more than an inch from my face; I'd feel her hair again; her arm
around me; I'd see the black glimmer of her eye. I'd grope in the darkness;
nothing but the damp brick walls.
Then
I'd lie there and think of poor little Baby Jenks, as she had shown her to me,
spiraling upwards; I'd see the varicolored lights enveloping Baby Jenks as she
looked down on the earth for the last time. How could Baby Jenks, the poor
biker child, have invented such a vision? Maybe we do go home, finally.
How can
we know?
And so
we remain immortal; we remain frightened; we remain anchored to what we can
control. It all starts again; the wheel turns; we are the vampires;
because there are no others; the new coven is formed.
Like a
gypsy caravan we left the Sonoma compound, a parade of shining black cars
streaking through the American night at lethal speed on immaculate roads. It
was on that long ride that they told me everything-spontaneously and sometimes
unwittingly as they conversed with one another. Like a mosaic it came together,
all that had gone before. Even when I dozed against the blue velvet upholstery,
I heard them, saw what they had seen.
Down to
the swamplands of south Florida; down to the great decadent city of Miami,
parody of both heaven and hell.
Immediately
I locked myself in this little suite of tastefully appointed rooms; couches,
carpet, the pale pastel paintings of Piero della Francesca; computer on the
table; the music of Vivaldi pouring from tiny speakers hidden in the papered
walls. Private stairway to the cellar, where in the steel-lined crypt the
coffin waited: black lacquer; brass handles; a match and the stub of a candle;
lining stitched with white lace.
Blood
lust; how it hurt; but you don't need it; yet you can't resist it; and it's
going to be like this forever; you never get rid of it; you want it even more
than before.
When I wasn't
writing, I lay on the gray brocade divan, watching the palm fronds move in the
breeze from the terrace, listening to their voices below.
Louis
begging Jesse politely to describe one more time the apparition of Claudia. And
Jesse's voice, solicitous, confidential: "But Louis, it wasn't real."
Gabrielle
missed Jesse now that she was gone; Jesse and Gabrielle had walked on the beach
for hours. It seemed not a word passed between them; but then, how could I be
sure?
Gabrielle
was doing more and more little things to make me happy: wearing her hair
brushed free because she knew I loved it; coming up to my room before she
vanished with the morning. Now and then she'd look at me, probing, anxious.
"You
want to leave here, don't you?" I'd ask fearfully; or something like it.
"No,"
she said. "I like it here. It suits me." When she got restless now
she went to the islands, which weren't so very far away. She rather liked the
islands. But that wasn't what she wanted to talk about. There was always
something else on her mind. Once she had almost voiced it. "But tell
me..." And then she'd stopped.
"Did
I love her?" I asked. "Is that what you want to know? Yes, I loved
her."
And I
still couldn't say her name.
Mael
came and went.
Gone
for a week; here again tonight-downstairs-trying to draw Khayman into
conversation; Khayman, who fascinated everybody, First Brood. All that power.
And to think, he had walked the streets of Troy.
The
sight of him was continuously startling, if that is not a contradiction in terms.
He went
to great lengths to appear human. In a warm place like this, where heavy
garments are conspicuous, it isn't an easy thing. Sometimes he covered himself
with a darkening pigment-burnt sienna mixed with a little scented oil. It
seemed a crime to do so, to mar the beauty; but how else could he slice through
the human crowd like a greased knife?
Now and
then he knocked on my door. "Are you ever coming out?" he would ask.
He'd look at the stack of pages beside the computer; the black letters: The
Queen of the Damned. He'd stand there, letting me search his mind for all
the little fragments, half-remembered moments; he didn't care. I seemed to
puzzle him, but why I couldn't imagine. What did he want from me? Then he'd
smile that shocking saintly smile.
Sometimes
he took the boat out-Armand's black racer-and he let it drift in the Gulf as he
lay under the stars. Once Gabrielle went with him, and I was tempted to listen
to them, over all that distance, their voices so private and intimate. But I
hadn't done it. Just didn't seem fair.
Sometimes
he said he feared the memory loss; that it would come suddenly, and he wouldn't
be able to find his way home to us. But then it had come in the past on account
of pain, and he was so happy. He wanted us to know it; so happy to be with us
all.
It
seemed they'd reached some kind of agreement down there-that no matter where
they went, they would always come back. This would be the coven house, the
sanctuary; never would it be as it had been before.
They were
settling a lot of things. Nobody was to make any others, and nobody was to
write any more books, though of course they knew that was exactly what I was
doing, gleaning from them silently everything that I could; and that I didn't
intend to obey any rules imposed on me by anybody, and that I never had.
They
were relieved that the Vampire Lestat had died in the pages of the newspapers;
that the debacle of the concert had been forgotten. No provable fatalities, no
true injuries; everybody bought off handsomely; the band, receiving my share of
everything, was touring again under its old name.
And the
riots-the brief era of miracles-they too had been forgotten, though they might
never be satisfactorily explained.
No, no
more revelations, disruptions, interventions; that was their collective vow;
and please cover up the kill.
They
kept impressing that upon the delirious Daniel, that even in a great festering
urban wilderness tike Miami, one could not be too careful with the remnants of
the meal.
Ah,
Miami. I could hear it again, the low roar of so many desperate humans; the
churning of all those machines both great and small. Earlier I had let its
voices sweep over me, as I'd lain stock-stili on the divan. It was not
impossible for me to direct this power; to sift and focus, and amplify an
entire chorus of different sounds. Yet I drew back from it, unable yet to
really use it with conviction, just as I couldn't use my new strength.
Ah, but
I loved being near to this city. Loved its sleaze and glamour; the old
ramshackle hotels and spangled high rises; its sultry winds; its flagrant
decay. I listened now to that never ending urban music, a low throbbing hum.
"Why
don't you go there, then?"
Marius.
I
looked up from the computer. Slowly, just to needle him a little, though he was
the most patient of immortal men.
He
stood against the frame of the terrace door, with his arms folded, one ankle
crossed over the other. The lights out there behind him. In the ancient world
had there been anything like it? The spectacle of an electrified city, dense
with towers glowing like narrow grids in an old gas fire?
He'd
clipped his hair short; he wore plain yet elegant twentieth-century clothes:
gray silk blazer and pants, and the red this time, for there was always red, was
the dark turtleneck shirt.
"I
want you to put the book aside and come join us," he said. "You've
been locked in here for over a month."
"I
go out now and then," I said. I liked looking at him, at the neon blue of
his eyes.
"This
book," he said. "What's the purpose of it? Would you tell me that
much?"
I
didn't answer. He pushed a little harder, tactful though the tone was.
"Wasn't
it enough, the songs and the autobiography?"
I tried
to decide what made him look so amiable really. Maybe it was the tiny lines
that still came to life around his eyes, the little crinkling of flesh that
came and went as he spoke.
Big
wide eyes like Khayman's had a stunning effect.
I
looked back at the computer screen. Electronic image of language. Almost
finished. And they all knew about it; they'd known all along. That's why they
volunteered so much information: knocking, coming in, talking, then going away.
"So
why talk about it?" I asked. "I want to make the record of what
happened. You knew that when you told me what it had been like for you."
"Yes,
but for whom is this record being made?"
I
thought of all the fans again in the auditorium; the visibility; and then those
ghastly moments, at her side, in the villages, when I'd been a god without a
name. I was cold suddenly in spite of the caressing warmth, the breeze that
came in from the water. Had she been right when she called us selfish, greedy?
When she'd said it was self-serving of us to want the world to remain the same?
"You
know the answer to that question," he said. He drew a little closer. He
put his hand on the back of my chair.
"It
was a foolish dream, wasn't it?" I asked. It hurt to say it. "It
could never have been realized, not even if we had proclaimed her the goddess
and obeyed her every command."
"It
was madness," he answered. "They would have stopped her; destroyed
her; more quickly than she ever dreamed."
Silence.
"The
world would not have wanted her," he added. "That's what she
could never comprehend."
"I
think in the end she knew it; no place for her; no way for her to have value
and be the thing that she was. She knew it when she looked into our eyes and
saw the wall there which she could never breach. She'd been so careful with her
visitations, choosing places as primitive and changeless as she was
herself."
He
nodded. "As I said, you know the answers to your questions. So why do you
continue to ask them? Why do you lock yourself here with your grief?"
I
didn't say anything. I saw her eyes again. Why can't you believe in me!
"Have
you forgiven me for all of it?" I asked suddenly.
"You
weren't to blame," he said. "She was waiting, listening. Sooner or
later something would have stirred the will in her. The danger was always
there. It was as much an accident as the beginning, really, that she woke when
she did." He sighed. He sounded bitter again, the way he'd been in the
first nights after, when he had grieved too. "I always knew the
danger," he murmured. "Maybe I wanted to believe she was a goddess;
until she woke. Until she spoke to me. Until she smiled."
He was
off again, thinking of the moment before the ice had fallen and pinned him
helplessly for so long.
He
moved away, slowly, indecisively, and then went out onto the terrace and looked
down at the beach. Such a casual way of moving. Had the ancient ones rested
their elbows like that on stone railings?
I got
up and went after him. I looked across the great divide of black water. At the
shimmering reflection of the skyline. I looked at him.
"Do
you know what it's like, not to carry that burden?" he whispered. "To
know now for the first time that I am free?"
I
didn't answer. But I could most certainly feel it. Yet I was afraid for him,
afraid perhaps that it had been the anchor, as the Great Family was the anchor
for Maharet.
"No,"
he said quickly, shaking his head. "It's as if a curse has been removed. I
wake; I think I must go down to the shrine; I must burn the incense; bring the
flowers; I must stand before them and speak to them; and try to comfort them if
they are suffering inside. Then I realize that they're gone. It's over,
finished. I'm free to go wherever I would go and do whatever I would
like." He paused, reflecting, looking at the lights again. Then,
"What about you? Why aren't you free too? I wish I understood you."
"You
do. You always have," I said. I shrugged.
"You're
burning with dissatisfaction. And we can't comfort you, can we? It's their
love you want." He made a little gesture towards the city.
"You
comfort me," I answered. "All of you. I couldn't think of leaving you,
not for very long, anyway. But you know, when I was on that stage in San
Francisco..." I didn't finish. What was the use of saying it, if he didn't
know. It had been everything I'd ever wanted it to be until the great whirlwind
had descended and carried me away.
"Even
though they never believed you?" he asked. "They thought you were
merely a clever performer? An author with a hook, as they say?"
"They
knew my name!" I answered. "It was my voice they heard. They saw me
up there above the footlights."
He
nodded. "And so the book, The Queen of the Damned," he said.
No
answer.
"Come
down with us. Let us try to keep you company. Talk to us about what took
place."
"You
saw what took place."
I felt
a little confusion suddenly; a curiosity in him that he was reluctant to
reveal. He was still looking at me.
I
thought of Gabrielle, the way she would start to ask me questions and stop.
Then I realized. Why, I'd been a fool not to see it before. They wanted to know
what powers she'd given me; they wanted to know how much her blood had affected
me; and all this time I'd kept those secrets locked inside. I kept them locked
there now. Along with the image of those dead bodies strewn throughout Azim's
temple; along with the memory of the ecstasy I'd felt when I'd slain every man
in my path. And along with yet another awful and unforgettable moment: her
death, when I had failed to use the gifts to help her!
And now
it started again, the obsession with the end. Had she seen me lying there so
close to her? Had she known of my refusal to aid her? Or had her soul risen
when the first blow was struck?
Marius
looked out over the water, at the tiny boats speeding towards the harbor to the
south. He was thinking of how many centuries it had taken him to acquire the
powers he now possessed. Infusions of her blood alone had not done it. Only
after a thousand years had he been able to rise towards the clouds as if he
were one of them, unfettered, unafraid. He was thinking of how such things vary
from one immortal to another; how no one knows what power is locked inside
another; no one knows perhaps what power is locked within oneself.
All
very polite; but I could not confide in him or anyone just yet.
"Look,"
I said. "Let me mourn just a little while more. Let me create my dark
images here, and have the written words for friends. Then later I'll come to
you; I'll join you all. Maybe I'll obey the rules. Some of them, anyway, who
knows? What are you going to do if I don't, by the way, and haven't I asked you
this before?"
He was
clearly startled.
"You
are the damnedest creature!" he whispered. "You make me think of the
old story about Alexander the Great. He wept when there were no more worlds to
conquer. Will you weep when there are no more rules to break?"
"Ah,
but there are always rules to break."
He
laughed under his breath. "Burn the book."
"No."
We
looked at each other for a moment; then I embraced him, tightly and warmly, and
I smiled. I didn't even know why I'd done it, except that he was so patient and
so earnest, and there had been some profound change in him as there had been in
all of us, but with him it was dark and hurtful as it had been with me.
It had
to do with the whole struggle of good and evil which he understood exactly the
way I did, because he was the one who had taught me to understand it years ago.
He was the one who had told me how we must wrestle forever with those
questions, how the simple solution was not what we wanted, but what we must
always fear.
I'd
embraced him also because I loved him and wanted to be near to him, and I
didn't want him to leave just now, angry or disappointed in me.
"You
will obey the rules, won't you?" he asked suddenly. Mixture of menace and
sarcasm. And maybe a little affection, too.
"Of
course!" Again I shrugged. "What are they, by the way?
I've
forgotten. Oh, we don't make any new vampires; we do not wander off without a
trace; we cover up the kill."
"You
are an imp, Lestat, you know it? A brat."
"Let
me ask you a question," I said. I made my hand into a fist and touched him
lightly on the arm. "That painting of yours, The Temptation of Amadeo,
the one in the Talamasca crypt..."
"Yes?"
"Wouldn't
you like to have it back?"
"Ye
gods, no. It's a dreary thing, really. My black period, you might say. But I do
wish they'd take it out of the damned cellar. You know, hang it in the front
hall? Some decent place."
I
laughed.
Suddenly
he became serious. Suspicious.
"Lestat!"
he said sharply.
"Yes,
Marius."
"You
leave the Talamasca alone!"
"Of
course!" Another shrug. Another smile. Why not?
"I
mean it, Lestat. I'm quite serious. Do not meddle with the Talamasca. Do we
understand each other, you and I?"
"Marius,
you are remarkably easy to understand. Did you hear that? The clock's striking
midnight. I always take my little walk around the Night Island now. Do you want
to come?"
I
didn't wait for him to answer. I heard him give one of those lovely forbearing
sighs of his as I went out the door.
Midnight.
The Night Island sang. I walked through the crowded galleria. Denim jacket,
white T-shirt, face half covered by giant dark glasses; hands shoved into the
pockets of my jeans. I watched the hungry shoppers dipping into the open
doorways, perusing stacks of shining luggage, silk shirts in plastic, a sleek
black manikin swathed in mink.
Beside
the shimmering fountain, with its dancing plumes of myriad droplets, an old
woman sat curled on a bench, paper cup of steaming coffee in her trembling
hand. Hard for her to raise it to her lips; when I smiled as I passed she said
in a quavering voice: "When you're old you don't need sleep anymore."
A soft
whoozy music gushed out of the cocktail lounge. The young toughs prowled the
video emporium; blood lust! The raucous zip and flash of the arcade died as I
turned my head away. Through the door of the French restaurant I caught the
swift beguiling, movement of a woman lifting a glass of champagne; muted
laughter. The theater was full of black and white giants speaking French.
A young
woman passed me; dark skin, voluptuous hips, little pout of a mouth. The blood
lust crested. I walked on, forcing it back into its cage. Do not need the
blood. Strong now as the old ones. But I could taste it; I glanced back at
her, saw her seated on the stone bench, naked knees jutting from her tight
little skirt; eyes fixed on me.
Oh,
Marius was right about it; right about everything. I was burning with
dissatisfaction; burning with loneliness. I want to pull her up off that bench:
Do you know what I am! No, don't settle for the other; don't lure her
out of here, don't do it; don't take her down on the white sands, far beyond
the lights of the galleria, where the rocks are dangerous and the waves are
breaking violently in the little cove.
I
thought of what she had said to us, about our selfishness, our greed!
Taste of blood on my tongue. Someone's going to die if I linger here...
End of
the corridor. I put my key into the steel door between the shop that sold
Chinese rugs made by little girls and the tobacconist who slept now among the
Dutch pipes, his magazine over his face.
Silent
hallway into the bowels of the villa.
One of
them was playing the piano. I listened for a long moment. Pandora, and the music
as always had a dark sweet luster, but it was more than ever like an endless
beginning-a theme ever building to a climax which would never come.
I went
up the stairs and into the living room. Ah, you can tell this is a vampire
house; who else could live by starlight and the glow of a few scattered
candles? Luster of marble and velvet. Shock of Miami out there where the lights
never go out.
Armand
still playing chess with Khayman and losing. Daniel lay under the earphones
listening to Bach, now and then glancing to the black and white board to see if
a piece had been moved.
On the
terrace, looking out over the water, her thumbs hooked in her back pockets,
Gabrielle stood. Alone. I went out to her, kissed her cheek, and looked into
her eyes; and when I finally won the begrudging little smile I needed, then I
turned and wandered back into the house.
Marius
in the black leather chair reading the newspaper, folding it as a gentleman
might in a private club.
"Louis
is gone," he said, without looking up from the paper.
"What
do you mean, gone?"
"To
New Orleans," Armand said without looking up from the chessboard. "To
that flat you had there. The one where Jesse saw Claudia."
"The
plane's waiting," Marius said, eyes still on the paper.
"My
man can drive you down to the landing strip," Armand said with his eyes
still on the game.
"What
is this? Why are you two being so helpful? Why should I go get Louis?"
"I
think you should bring him back," Marius said. "It's no good his
being in that old flat in New Orleans."
"I
think you should get out and do something," Armand said. "You've been
holed up here too long."
"Ah,
I can see what this coven is going to be like, advice from all sides, and
everyone watching everyone else out of the corner of an eye. Why did you ever
let Louis go off to New Orleans anyway? Couldn't you have stopped him?"
I
landed in New Orleans at two o'clock. Left the limousine at Jackson Square.
So
clean it all was; with the new flagstones, and the chains on the gates,
imagine, so the derelicts couldn't sleep on the grass in the square the way
they'd done for two hundred years. And the tourists crowding the Café du Monde
where the riverfront taverns had been; those lovely nasty places where the
hunting was irresistible and the women were as tough as the men.
But I
loved it now; always would love it. The colors were somehow the same. And even
in this blasted cold of January, it had the old tropical feel to it; something
to do with the flatness of the pavements; the low buildings; the sky that was
always in motion; and the slanting roofs that were gleaming now with a bit of
icy rain.
I
walked slowly away from the river, letting the memories rise as if from the
pavements; hearing the hard, brassy music of the Rue Bourbon, and then turning
into the quiet wet darkness of the Rue Royale.
How
many times had I taken this route in the old days, coming back from the
riverfront or the opera house, or the theater, and stopping here on this very
spot to put my key in the carriage gate?
Ah, the
house in which I'd lived the span of a human lifetime, the house in which I'd
almost died twice.
Someone
up there in the old flat. Someone who walks softly yet makes the boards creak.
The
little downstairs shop was neat and dark behind its barred windows; porcelain
knickknacks, dolls, lace fans. I looked up at the balcony with its wrought-iron
railings; I could picture Claudia there, on tiptoe, looking down at me, little
fingers knotted on the rail. Golden hair spilling down over her shoulders, long
streak of violet ribbon. My little immortal six-year-old beauty; Lestat,
where have you been?
And
that's what he was doing, wasn't he? Picturing things like that.
It was
dead quiet; that is, if you didn't hear the televisions chattering behind the
green shutters and the old vine-covered walls; and the raucous noise from
Bourbon; a man and a woman fighting deep within a house on the other side of
the street.
But no
one about; only the shining pavements; and the shut-up shops; and the big
clumsy cars parked over the curb, the rain falling soundlessly on their curved
roofs.
No one
to see me as I walked away and then turned and made the quick feline leap, in
the old manner, to the balcony and came down silently on the boards. I peered
through the dirty glass of the French doors.
Empty;
scarred walls; the way Jesse had left them. A board nailed up here, as though
someone had tried once to break in and had been found out; smell of burnt
timbers in there after all these years.
I
pulled down the board silently; but now there was the lock on the other side.
Could I use the new power? Could I make it open? Why did it hurt so much to do
it-to think of her, to think that, in that last flickering moment, I could have
helped her; I could have helped head and body to come together again; even
though she had meant to destroy me; even though she had not called my name.
I
looked at the little lock. Turn, open. And with tears rising, I heard the
metal creak, and saw the latch move. Little spasm in the brain as I kept my eye
on it; and then the old door popped from its warped frame, hinges groaning, as
if a draft inside had pushed it out.
He was
in the hallway, looking through Claudia's door.
The
coat was perhaps a little shorter, a little less full than those old frock
coats had been; but he looked so very nearly like himself in the old century
that it made the ache in me deepen unbearably. For a moment I couldn't move. He
might as well have been a ghost there: his black hair full and disheveled as it
had always been in the old days, and his green eyes full of melancholy wonder,
and his arms rather limp at his sides.
Surely
he hadn't contrived to fit so perfectly into the old context. Yet he was
a ghost in this Rat, where Jesse had been so frightened; where she'd caught in
chilling glimpses the old atmosphere I'd never forget.
Sixty
years here, the unholy family. Sixty years Louis, Claudia, Lestat.
Could I
hear the harpsichord if I tried?-Claudia playing her Haydn; and the birds
singing because the sound always excited them; and the collected music
vibrating in the crystal baubles that hung from the painted glass shades of the
oil lamps, and in the wind chimes even that hung in the rear doorway before the
curving iron stairs.
Claudia.
A face for a locket; or a small oval portrait done on porcelain and kept with a
curl of her golden hair in a drawer. But how she would have hated such an
image, such an unkind image.
Claudia
who sank her knife into my heart and twisted it, and watched as the blood
poured down my shirt. Die, Father. I'll put you in your coffin forever.
I
will kill you first, my prince.
I saw
the little mortal child, lying there in the soiled covers; smell of sickness. I
saw the black-eyed Queen, motionless on her throne. And I had kissed them both,
the Sleeping Beauties! Claudia, Claudia, come round now, Claudia... That's
it, dear, you must drink it to get well.
Akasha!
Someone
was shaking me. "Lestat," he said.
Confusion.
"Ah,
Louis, forgive me." The dark neglected hallway. I shuddered. "I came
here because I was so concerned... about you."
"No
need," he said considerately. "It was just a little pilgrimage I had
to make."
I touched
his face with my fingers; so warm from the kill.
"She's
not here, Louis," I said. "It was something Jesse imagined."
"Yes,
so it seems," he said.
"We
live forever; but they don't come back."
He
studied me for a long moment; then he nodded. "Come on," he said.
We
walked down the long hallway together; no, I did not like it; I did not want to
be here. It was haunted; but real hauntings have nothing to do with ghosts
finally; they have to do with the menace of memory; that had been my room in
there; my room.
He was
struggling with the back door, trying to make the old weathered frame behave. I
gestured for him to go out on the porch and then I gave it the shove it needed.
Locked up tight.
So sad
to see the overgrown courtyard; the fountain ruined; the old brick kitchen
crumbling, and the bricks becoming earth again.
"I'll
fix it all for you if you want," I told him. "You know, make it like
it was before."
"Not
important now," he said. "Will you come with me, walk with me a
little?"
We went
down the covered carriageway together, water rushing through the little gutter.
I glanced back once. Saw her standing there in her white dress with the blue
sash. Only she wasn't looking at me. I was dead, she thought, wrapped in the
sheet that Louis thrust into the carriage; she was taking my remains away to
bury me; yet there she stood, and our eyes met.
I felt
him tugging on me. "No good to stay here any longer," he said.
I
watched him close the gate up properly; and then his eyes moved sluggishly over
the windows again, the balconies, and the high dormers above. Was he saying
farewell, finally? Maybe not.
We went
together up to the Rue Ste. Anne, and away from the river, not speaking, just
walking, the way we'd done so many times back then. The cold was biting at him
a little, biting at his hands. He didn't like to put his hands in his pockets
the way men did today. He didn't think it a graceful thing to do.
The
rain had softened into a mist.
Finally,
he said: "You gave me a little fright; I didn't think you were real when I
first saw you in the hallway; you didn't answer when I said your name."
"And
where are we going now?" I asked. I buttoned up my denim jacket. Not
because I suffered from cold anymore; but because being warm felt good.
"Just
one last place, and then wherever you wish. Back to the coven house, I should
think. We don't have much time. Or maybe you can leave me to my meanderings,
and I'll be back in a couple of nights."
"Can't
we meander together?"
"Yes,"
he said eagerly.
What in
God's name did I want? We walked beneath the old porches, past the old solid
green shutters; past the walls of peeling plaster and naked brick, and through
the garish light of the Rue Bourbon and then I saw the St. Louis Cemetery up
ahead, with its thick whitewashed walls.
What
did I want? Why was my soul aching still when all the rest of them had struck
some balance? Even Louis had struck a balance, and we had each other, as Marius
had said.
I was
happy to be with him, happy to be walking these old streets; but why wasn't it
enough?
Another
gate now to be opened; I watched him break the lock with his fingers. And then
we went into the little city of white graves with their peaked roofs and urns
and doorways of marble, and the high grass crunching under our boots. The rain
made every surface luminous; the lights of the city gave a pearl gleam to the
clouds traveling silently over our heads.
I tried
to find the stars. But I couldn't. When I looked down again, I saw Claudia; I
felt her hand touch mine.
Then I
looked at Louis again, and saw his eyes catch the dim and distant light and I
winced. I touched his face again, the cheekbones, the arch beneath the black
eyebrow. What a finely made thing he was.
"Blessed
darkness!" I said suddenly. "Blessed darkness has come again."
"Yes,"
he said sadly, "and we rule in it as we have always done."
Wasn't
that enough?
He took
my hand-what did it feel like now?-and led me down the narrow corridor between the
oldest, the most venerable tombs; tombs that went back to the oldest time of
the colony, when he and I had roamed the swamps together, the swamps that
threatened to swallow everything, and I had fed on the blood of roustabouts and
cutthroat thieves.
His
tomb. I realized I was looking at his name engraved on the marble in a great
slanting old-fashioned script.
Louis de Pointe du Lac 1766-1794
He
rested against the tomb behind him, another one of those little temples, like
his own, with a peristyle roof.
"I
only wanted to see it again," he said. He reached out and touched the
writing with his finger.
It had
faded only slightly from the weather wearing at the surface of the stone. The
dust and grime had made it all the clearer, darkening each letter and numeral.
Was he thinking of what the world had been in those years?
I
thought of her dreams, her garden of peace on earth, with flowers springing
from the blood-soaked soil.
"Now
we can go home," he said.
Home. I
smiled. I reached out and touched the graves on either side of me; I looked up
again at the soft glow of the city lights against the ruffled clouds.
"You're
not going to leave us, are you?" he asked suddenly, voice sharpened with
distress.
"No,"
I said. I wished I could speak of it, all the things that were in the book.
"You know, we were lovers, she and I, as surely as a mortal man and woman
ever were."
"Of
course, I know," he said.
I
smiled. I kissed him suddenly, thrilled by the warmth of him, the soft pliant
feel of his near human skin. God, how I hated the whiteness of my fingers
touching him, fingers that could have crushed him now effortlessly. I wondered
if he even guessed.
There
was so much I wanted to say to him, to ask him. Yet I couldn't find the words really,
or a way to begin. He had always had so many questions; and now he had his
answers, more answers perhaps than he could ever have wanted; and what had this
done to his soul? Stupidly I stared at him. How perfect he seemed to me as he
stood there waiting with such kindness and such patience. And then, like a
fool, I came out with it.
"Do
you love me now?" I asked.
He
smiled; oh, it was excruciating to see his face soften and brighten
simultaneously when he smiled. "Yes," he said.
"Want
to go on a little adventure?" My heart was thudding suddenly. It would be
so grand if- "Want to break the new rules?"
"What
in the world do you mean?" he whispered.
I
started laughing, in a low feverish fashion; it felt so good. Laughing and
watching the subtle little changes in his face. I really had him worried now.
And the truth was, I didn't know if I could do it. Without her. What if I
plunged like Icarus-?
"Oh,
come now, Louis," I said. "Just a little adventure. I promise, I have
no designs this time on Western civilization, or even on the attentions of two
million rock music fans. I was thinking of something small, really. Something,
well, a little mischievous. And rather elegant. I mean, I've been awfully good
for the last two months, don't you think?"
"What
on earth are you talking about?"
"Are
you with me or not?"
He gave
another little shake of his head again. But it wasn't a No. He was pondering.
He ran his fingers back through his hair. Such fine black hair. The first thing
I'd ever noticed about him-well, after his green eyes, that is-was his black
hair. No, all that's a lie. It was his expression; the passion and the
innocence and the delicacy of conscience. I just loved it!
"When
does this little adventure begin?"
"Now,"
I said. "You have four seconds to make up your mind."
"Lestat,
it's almost dawn."
"It's
almost dawn here," I answered.
"What
do you mean?"
"Louis,
put yourself in my hands. Look, if I can't pull it off, you won't really be hurt.
Well, not that much. Game? Make up your mind. I want to be off now."
He
didn't say anything. He was looking at me, and so affectionately that I could
hardly stand it.
"Yes
or no."
"I'm
probably going to regret this, but..."
"Agreed
then." I reached out and placed my hands firmly on his arms and I lifted
him high off his feet. He was flabbergasted, looking down at me. It was as if
he weighed nothing. I set him down.
"Mon
Dieu," he whispered.
Well,
what was I waiting for? If I didn't try it, I'd never find out. There came a
dark, dull moment of pain again; of remembering her; of us rising together. I
let it slowly slip away.
I swung
my arm around his waist. Upwards now. I lifted my right hand, but that
wasn't even necessary. We were climbing on the wind that fast.
The
cemetery was spinning down there, a tiny sprawling toy of itself with little
bits of white scattered all over under the dark trees.
I could
hear his astonished gasp in my ear.
"Lestat!"
"Put
your arm around my neck," I said. "Hold on tight. We're going west,
of course, and then north, and we're going a very long distance, and maybe
we'll drift for a while. The sun won't set where we're going for some
time."
The
wind was ice cold. I should have thought of that, that he'd suffer from it; but
he gave no sign. He was merely gazing upwards as we pierced the great snowy
mist of the clouds.
When he
saw the stars, I felt him tense against me; his face was perfectly smooth and
serene; and if he was weeping the wind was carrying it away. Whatever fear he'd
felt was gone now, utterly; he was lost as he looked upward; as the dome of
heaven came down around us, and the moon shone full on the endless thickening
plain of whiteness below.
No need
to tell him what to observe, or what to remember. He always knew such things.
Years ago, when I'd done the dark magic on him, I hadn't had to tell him
anything; he had savored the smallest aspects of it all on his own. And later
he'd said I'd failed to guide him. Didn't he know how unnecessary that had
always been?
But I
was drifting now, mentally and physically; feeling him a snug yet weightless
thing against me; just the pure presence of Louis, Louis belonging to me, and
with me. And no burden at all.
I was
plotting the course firmly with one tiny part of my mind, the way she'd taught
me to do it; and I was also remembering so many things; the first time, for
example, that I'd ever seen him in a tavern in New Orleans. He'd been drunk,
quarreling; and I'd followed him out into the night. And he had said in that
last moment before I'd let him slip through my hands, his eyes closing:
"But
who are you!"
I'd
known I'd come back for him at sunset, that I'd find him if I had to search the
whole city for him, though I was leaving him then half dead in the cobblestone
street. I had to have him, had to. Just the way I had to have everything I
wanted; or had to do everything I'd ever wanted to do.
That
was the problem, and nothing she'd given me-not suffering, or power, or terror
finally-had changed it one bit.
Four
miles from London.
One
hour after sunset. We lay in the grass together, in the cold darkness under the
oak. There was a little light coming from the huge manor house in the middle of
the park, but not much. The small deep-cut leaded windows seemed made to keep
it all inside. Cozy in there, inviting, with all the book-lined walls, and the
flicker of flames from those many fireplaces; and the smoke belching up from
the chimneys into the foggy dark.
Now and
then a car moved on the winding road beyond the front gates; and the beams
would sweep the regal face of the old building, revealing the gargoyles, and
the heavy arches over the windows, and the gleaming knockers on the massive
front doors.
I have
always loved these old European dwellings, big as landscapes; no wonder they
invite the spirits of the dead to come back.
Louis
sat up suddenly, looking about himself, and then hastily brushed the grass from
his coat. He had slept for hours, inevitably, on the breast of the wind, you
might say, and in the places where I'd rested for a little while, waiting for
the world to turn. "Where are we?" he whispered, with a vague touch
of alarm.
"Talamasca
Motherhouse, outside London," I said. I was lying there with my hands
cradling my head. Lights on in the attic. Lights on in the main rooms of the
first floor. I was thinking, what way would be the most fun?
"What
are we doing here?"
"Adventure,
I told you."
"But
wait a minute. You don't mean to go in there."
"Don't
I? They have Claudia's diary in there, in their cellar, along with Marius's
painting. You know all that, don't you? Jesse told you those things."
"Well,
what do you mean to do? Break in and rummage through the cellar till you find
what you want?"
I
laughed. "Now, that wouldn't be very much fun, would it? Sounds more like
dreary work. Besides, it's not really the diary I want. They can keep the
diary. It was Claudia's. I want to talk to one of them, to David Talbot, the
leader. They're the only mortals in the world, you know, who really believe in
us."
Twinge
of pain inside. Ignore it. The fun's beginning.
For the
moment he was too shocked to answer. This was even more delicious than I had
dreamed.
"But
you can't be serious," he said. He was getting wildly indignant.
"Lestat, let these people alone. They think Jesse is dead. They received a
letter from someone in her family."
"Yes,
naturally. So I won't disabuse them of that morbid notion. Why would I? But the
one who came to the concert-David Talbot, the older one-he fascinates me. I
suppose I want to know... But why say it? Time to go in and find out."
"Lestat!"
"Louis!"
I said, mocking his tone. I got up and helped him up, not because he needed it,
but because he was sitting there glowering at me, and resisting me, and trying
to figure out how to control me, all of which was an utter waste of his time.
"Lestat,
Marius will be furious if you do this!" he said earnestly, his face
sharpening, the whole picture of high cheekbones and dark probing green eyes
firing beautifully. "The cardinal rule is-"
"Louis,
you're making it irresistible!" I said.
He took
hold of my arm. "What about Maharet? These were Jesse's friends!"
"And
what is she going to do? Send Mekare to crush my head like an egg!"
"You
are really past all patience!" he said. "Have you learned anything at
all?"
"Are
you coming with me or not?"
"You're
not going into that house."
"You
see that window up there?" I hooked my arm around his waist. Now, he
couldn't get away from me. "David Talbot is in that room. He's been
writing in his journal for about an hour. He's deeply troubled. He doesn't know
what happened with us. He knows something happened; but he'll never really
figure it out. Now, we're going to enter the bedroom next to him by means of
that little window to the left."
He gave
one last feeble protest, but I was concentrating on the window, trying to
visualize a lock. How many feet away was it? I felt the spasm, and then I saw,
high above, the little rectangle of leaded glass swing out. He saw it too, and
while he was standing there, speechless, I tightened my grip on him and went
up.
Within
a second we were standing inside the room. A small Elizabethan chamber with
dark paneling, and handsome period furnishings, and a busy little fire.
Louis
was in a rage. He glared at me as he straightened his clothes now with quick,
furious gestures. I liked the room. David Talbot's books; his bed.
And
David Talbot staring at us through the half-opened door to his study, from
where he sat in the light of one green shaded lamp on his desk. He wore a
handsome gray silk smoking jacket, tied at the waist. He had his pen in hand.
He was as still as a creature of the wood, sensing a predator, before the
inevitable attempt at flight.
Ah, now
this was lovely!
I
studied him for a moment; dark gray hair, clear black eyes, beautifully lined
face; very expressive, immediately warm. And the intelligence of the man was
obvious. All very much as Jesse and Khayman had described.
I went
into the study.
"You'll
forgive me," I said. "I should have knocked at the front door. But I
wanted our meeting to be private. You know who I am, of course."
Speechless.
I
looked at the desk. Our files, neat manila folders with various familiar names:
"Theatre des Vampires" and "Armand" and "Benjamin, the
Devil." And "Jesse."
Jesse.
There was the letter from Jesse's aunt Maharet lying there beside the folder.
The letter which said that Jesse was dead.
I
waited, wondering if I should force him to speak first. But then that's never
been my favorite game. He was studying me very intensely, infinitely more
intensely than I had studied him. He was memorizing me, using little devices
he'd learned to record details so that he would remember them later no matter
how great the shock of an experience while it was going on.
Tall,
not heavy, not slender either. A good build. Large, very well-formed hands.
Very well groomed, too. A true British gentleman; a lover of tweed and leather and
dark woods, and tea, and dampness and the dark park outside, and the lovely
wholesome feeling of this house.
And his
age, sixty-five or so. A very good age. He knew things younger men just could
not possibly know. This was the modern equivalent of Marius's age in ancient
times. Not really old for the twentieth century at all.
Louis
was still in the other room, but he knew Louis was there. He looked towards the
doorway now. And then back to me.
Then he
rose, and surprised me utterly. He extended his hand.
"How
do you do?" he said.
I
laughed. I took his hand and shook it firmly and politely, observing his
reactions, his astonishment when he felt how cold my flesh was; how lifeless in
any conventional sense.
He was
frightened all right. But he was also powerfully curious; powerfully
interested.
Then
very agreeably and very courteously he said, "Jesse isn't dead, is
she?"
Amazing
what the British do with language; the nuances of politeness. The world's great
diplomats, surely. I found myself wondering what their gangsters were like. Yet
there was such grief there for Jesse, and who was I to dismiss another being's
grief?
I
looked at him solemnly. "Oh, yes," I said. "Make no mistake
about it. Jesse is dead." I held his gaze firmly; there was no misunderstanding.
"Forget about Jesse," I said. He gave a little nod, eyes glancing off
for a moment, and then he looked at me again, with as much curiosity as
before. I made a little circle in the
center of the room. Saw Louis back there in the shadows, standing against the
side of the bedroom fireplace watching me with such scorn and disapproval. But
this was no time to laugh. I didn't feel at all like laughing. I was thinking
of something Khayman had told me. "I have a question for you now," I
said.
"Yes.
"
"I'm
here. Under your roof. Suppose when the sun rises, I go down into your cellar.
I slip into unconsciousness there. You know." I made a little offhand
gesture. "What would you do? Would you kill me while I slept?" He
thought about it for less than two seconds.
"No."
"But
you know what I am. There isn't the slightest doubt in your mind, is there? Why
wouldn't you?"
"Many
reasons," he said. "I'd want to know about you. I'd want to talk to
you. No, I wouldn't kill you. Nothing could make me do that." I studied
him; he was telling the truth completely. He didn't elaborate on it, but he
would have thought it frightfully callous and disrespectful to kill me, to kill
a thing as mysterious and old as I was.
"Yes,
precisely," he said, with a little smile.
Mind reader.
Not very powerful however. Just the surface thoughts.
"Don't
be so sure." Again it was said with remarkable politeness.
"Second
question for you," I said.
"By
all means." He was really intrigued now. The fear had absolutely melted
away.
"Do
you want the Dark Gift? You know. To become one of us." Out of the corner
of my eye I saw Louis shake his head. Then he turned his back. "I'm not
saying that I'd ever give it you. Very likely, I would not. But do you want it?
If I was willing, would you accept it from me?"
"No."
"Oh,
come now."
"Not
in a million years would I ever accept it. As God is my witness, no."
"You
don't believe in God, you know you don't."
"Merely
an expression. But the sentiment is true."
I
smiled. Such an affable, alert face. And I was so exhilarated; the blood was
moving through my veins with a new vigor; I wondered if he could sense it; did
I look any less like a monster? Were there all those little signs of humanity
that I saw in others of our kind when they were exuberant or absorbed?
"I
don't think it will take a million years for you to change your mind," I
said. "You don't have very much time at all, really. When you think about
it."
"I
will never change my mind," he said. He smiled, very sincerely. He was
holding his pen in both hands. And he toyed with it, unconsciously and
anxiously for a second, but then he was still.
"I
don't believe you," I said. I looked around the room; at the small Dutch
painting in its lacquered frame: a house in Amsterdam above a canal. I looked
at the frost on the leaded window. Nothing visible of the night outside at all.
I felt sad suddenly; only it wasn't anything as bad as before. It was just an
acknowledgment of the bitter loneliness that had brought me here, the need with
which I'd come, to stand in his little chamber and feel his eyes on me; to hear
him say that he knew who I was.
The
moment darkened. I couldn't speak.
"Yes,"
he said in a timid tone behind me. "I know who you are."
I turned
and looked at him. It seemed I'd weep suddenly. Weep on account of the warmth
here, and the scent of human things; the sight of a living man standing before
a desk, I swallowed. I wasn't going to lose my composure, that was foolish.
"It's
quite fascinating really," I said. "You wouldn't kill me. But you
wouldn't become what I am."
"That's
correct."
"No.
I don't believe you," I said again.
A
little shadow came into his face, but it was an interesting shadow. He was
afraid I'd seen some weakness in him that he wasn't aware of himself.
I
reached for his pen. "May I? And a piece of paper please?"
He gave
them to me immediately. I sat down at the desk in his chair. All very
immaculate-the blotter, the small leather cylinder in which he kept his pens,
and even the manila folders. Immaculate as he was, standing there watching as I
wrote.
"It's
a phone number," I said. I put the piece of paper in his hand. "It's
a Paris number, an attorney, who knows me under my proper name, Lestat de
Lioncourt, which I believe is in your files? Of course he doesn't know the
things about me you know. But he can reach me. Or, perhaps it would be accurate
to say that I am always in touch with him."
He
didn't say anything, but he looked at the paper, and he memorized the number.
"Keep
it," I said. "And when you change your mind, when you want to be
immortal, and you're willing to say so, call the number. And I'll come
back."
He was
about to protest. I gestured for silence.
"You
never know what may happen," I told him. I sat back in his chair, and
crossed my hands on my chest. "You may discover you have a fatal illness;
you may find yourself crippled by a bad fall. Maybe you'll just start to have
nightmares about being dead; about being nobody and nothing. Doesn't matter. When
you decide you want what I have to give, call. And remember please, I'm not
saying I'll give it to you. I may never do that. I'm only saying that when you
decide you want it, then the dialogue will begin."
"But
it's already begun."
"No,
it hasn't."
"You
don't think you'll be back?" he asked. "I think you will, whether I
call or not."
Another
little surprise. A little stab of humiliation. I smiled at him in spite of
myself. He was a very interesting man. "You silver-tongued British
bastard," I said. "How dare you say that to me with such
condescension? Maybe I should kill you right now."
That
did it. He was stunned. Covering it up rather well but I could still see it.
And I knew how frightening I could look, especially when I smiled.
He
recovered himself with amazing swiftness. He folded the paper with the phone
number on it and slipped it into his pocket.
"Please
accept my apology," he said. "What I meant to say was that I hope
you'll come back."
"Call
the number," I said. We looked at each other for a long moment; then I
gave him another little smite. I stood up to take my leave. Then I looked down
at his desk.
"Why
don't I have my own file?" I asked.
His
face went blank for a second; then he recovered again, miraculously- "Ah,
but you have the book!" He gestured to The Vampire Lestat on the
shelf.
"Ah,
yes, right. Well, thank you for reminding me." I hesitated. "But you
know, I think I should have my own file."
"I
agree with you," he said. "I'll make one up immediately. It was
always... just a matter of time."
I
laughed softly in spite of myself. He was so courteous. I made a little
farewell bow, and he acknowledged it gracefully.
And
then I moved past him, as fast as I could manage it, which was quite fast, and
I caught hold of Louis, and left immediately through the window, moving out and
up over the grounds until I came down on a lonely stretch of the London road.
It was
darker and colder here, with the oaks closing out the moon, and I loved it. I
loved the pure darkness! I stood there with my hands shoved into my pockets
looking at the faint faraway aureole of light hovering over London; and
laughing to myself with irrepressible glee.
"Oh,
that was wonderful; that was perfect!" I said, rubbing my hands together; and
then clasping Louis's hands, which were even colder than mine.
The
expression on Louis's face sent me into raptures. This was a real laughing fit
coming on.
"You're
a bastard, do you know that!" he said. "How could you do such a thing
to that poor man! You're a fiend, Lestat. You should be walled up in a
dungeon!"
"Oh,
come on, Louis," I said. I couldn't stop laughing. "What do you
expect of me? Besides, the man's a student of the supernatural. He isn't going
to go stark raving mad. What does everybody expect of me?" I threw my arm
around his shoulder. "Come on, let's go to London. It's a long walk, but
it's early. I've never been to London. Do you know that? I want to see the West
End, and Mayfair, and the Tower, yes, let's do go to the Tower. And I want to
feed in London! Come on."
"Lestat,
this is no joking matter. Marius will be furious. Everyone will be
furious!"
My
laughing fit was getting worse. We started down the road at a good clip. It was
so much fun to walk. Nothing was ever going to take the place of that, the
simple act of walking, feeling the earth under your feet, and the sweet smell
of the nearby chimneys scattered out there in the blackness; and the damp cold
smell of deep winter in these woods. Oh, it was all very lovely. And we'd get
Louis a decent overcoat when we reached London, a nice long black overcoat with
fur on the collar so that he'd be warm as I was now.
"Do
you hear what I'm saying to you?" Louis said. "You haven't
learned anything, have you? You're more incorrigible than you were
before!"
I
started to laugh again, helplessly.
Then
more soberly, I thought of David Talbot's face, and that moment when he'd
challenged me. Well, maybe he was right. I'd be back. Who said I couldn't come
back and talk to him if I wanted to? Who said? But then I ought to give him
just a little time to think about that phone number; and slowly lose his nerve.
The
bitterness came again, and a great drowsy sadness suddenly that threatened to
sweep my little triumph away. But I wouldn't let it. The night was too
beautiful. And Louis's diatribe was becoming all the more heated and hilarious:
"You're
a perfect devil, Lestat!" he was saying. "That's what you are! You
are the devil himself!"
"Yes,
I know," I said, loving to look at him, to see the anger pumping him so
full of life. "And I love to hear you say it, Louis. I need to hear you
say it. I don't think anyone will ever say it quite like you do. Come on, say
it again. I'm a perfect devil. Tell me how bad I am. It makes me feel so good!"
THE END