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<DATE>2014-08-08</DATE>
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<NAME>TCP Staff (Michigan)</NAME>
<RESP>MURP</RESP>
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<ITEM>Proofed and reviewed as part of batch B140514.apex.</ITEM>
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<IDG S="marc" R="UM" ID="B27867">
<STC T="W">P526</STC>
<BIBNO T="oclc">[ocm]12141895</BIBNO>
<VID>197096</VID>
</IDG>
<TEXT LANG="eng">
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<DIV1 TYPE="title page">
<PB REF="1" MS="y">
<P> THE PARLIAMENTS VNSPOTTED-BITCH: In An&s;wer To Prince ROBERTS Dog called <HI>Boy,</HI> And his Malignant She-Monkey.</P>
<P><FIGURE>
<FIGDESC>a dog</FIGDESC>
</FIGURE></P>
<P>London, Printed for <HI>R. Iack&s;on.</HI> 1643.</P>
<PB REF="2">
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<DIV1 TYPE="text">
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<HEAD>The Parliaments un&s;potted Bitch: In An&s;wer To Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> Dog called <HI>Boy,</HI> and his Malignant She-Monkey.</HEAD>
<P>_THe Parliaments Bitch is of &s;uch an ex|cellent &s;hape and proportion, that the mo&s;t witty inventions cannot ima|gine a thing of a more &s;weet and per|fect feature, being beautifull in co|lour and ab&s;olute in all the linea|ments of her body; &s;o that &s;he &s;eems to be a &s;tatue cut out in un&s;potted Alabla&s;ter by &s;ome cu|rious workman, and doth in this exceed their exact imi|tations, in that &s;he doth live and breath, whereas the other are but dead Images. And to her comely body &s;he hath as hand&s;ome conditions, not dogged and curri&s;h qualities; be&s;ides that &s;he may be uncapable of generation, and ne|ver bring forth &s;uch untutoured puppies as Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> Dog is, &s;he hath had her concupi&s;cence taken from her, and is indeed a &s;paid Bitch: but a very loving and well af|fected worme to the Parliament, and if &s;he could &s;peak or write it is no doubt but &s;he would an&s;wer tho&s;e two Ma|lignants Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> white Dog, and his wanton Monkey in this or the like manner following;</P>
<DIV2 TYPE="response">
<HEAD><HI>Her An&s;wer to Prince</HI> Roberts <HI>white Dog.</HI></HEAD>
<P>Grumbling Sir or counterfeit Lapland Lady I admire
<PB REF="3"> thy impudence in calling thy &s;elf a Lady: Art thou a Lady and ha&s;t &s;o much haire between thy legs and every where el&s;e? thou would&s;t be a rough bed fellow for the Divell him&s;elf; if thou art not a Divell thy &s;elf, thou ha&s;t conditions &s;utable, to thy &s;hape for thou doe&s;t &s;narle and bite at the Parliament, and ha&s;t learnt that quality from other Popi&s;h dogs, good thou can&s;t do none to the Prince for that is contrary to the nature of a Witch, which in &s;ome re&s;pects thou unju&s;tly doe&s;t a&s;&s;ume, but in other conditions mo&s;t fitly, for a Witch will dine or &s;uppe with a roa&s;ted crab &s;quittering in the fire, or with a few boild Onions, and a draught of Buttermilke which one of her neighbours gave her for fear more then for love, but thou doe&s;t fare mo&s;t deliciou&s;ly of the rumps and wings of Capons and kidneys and art indeed better fed then taught. Be&s;ides a Witch will lie upon an old &s;traw bed with her hou&s;e Cat which &s;eems in&s;tead of her bedfellow. But the Kings chair of &s;tate &amp; all the embroydered velvet &s;tools are thy day couches, where thou lye&s;t and &s;leepe&s;t with thy malignant eyes half open, and can&s;t winke at &s;mall and great faults as thou doe&s;t &s;ee occa&s;ion. But then thou art a Witch again in &s;ome conditions, for they are over|grown with ugly gray hair which hangs down about their &s;houlders, and &s;o art thou <HI>Boy.</HI> Witches are ready to doe mi&s;chief, but can do no good, and &s;uch are thy malignant qualities <HI>Boy:</HI> and moreover Witches are generally hated of all religious and well affected people, and &s;o art thou <HI>Boy.</HI> Pardon me for though our gracious King loves thee, it is not as thou art a Witch, but as thou art Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> Dog; and for thy Art in finding out conceald goods, I wonder how thou dur&s;t &s;ay that thou did&s;t di&s;cover that plate which my Lord <HI>Say</HI> could not, it is as true as that there is a candle con&s;tantly burning in thy breech where|with
<PB REF="3"> thou lighte&s;t thy &s;elf every night to bed: you &s;ay moreover that the Colledge plate is melted in <HI>New-Hall</HI> Inne; truly I beleeve there is much coyning at <HI>Oxford</HI> and e&s;pecially of mi&s;con&s;tructions again&s;t the Parliament: which having the Kings &s;tamp put upon them do run cur|rant among the Cavaleers, and through the whole coun|try round about: Now for the languages wherewith this bea&s;t is endued, there is as much difference between him and a lingui&s;t, as there is between <HI>Bag&s;hot</HI> and <HI>Bowwow;</HI> or &s;peaking, and all his di&s;cour&s;e is but a con&s;tant lying and fawning expre&s;t by flattering actions, in which di&s;cour&s;es his wagging tail &s;peaks more then his mouth doth; and it is the expectation of &s;ome dainty bit that whi&s;pers him in the eare, and doth make the &s;pirit of this dogged Ani|mall very plea&s;ant and loving.</P>
<P>He neither &s;peaks Hebrew nor Dutch as &s;ome doe con|ceave, but all his language is <HI>qui&agrave; nunc</HI> do you grumble, and it is mo&s;t certain that his &s;tinking breath dwels round about Oxford; the curs infectious vapour is the cau&s;e (as &s;ome conjecture) that the plague is now there.</P>
<P>For his Logick he has no rea&s;on to di&s;pute withall, and had rather chop up a good pudding then chop Logick among&s;t the Sophi&s;ters, yet if he could di&s;pute he would wrangle and bawle extreamly, for he has impudence e|nough, and if he were put to &s;ilence he would blu&s;h no more then a black dog: And for his di&s;coveries what can <HI>Boy</HI> doe? indeed he hath a good no&s;e, &s;o that if a &s;irreve|rence &s;hould by &s;ome of the &s;lovenly Guard be laid in Chri&s;t-Church Quadrangle, he would quickly &s;mell it out and bewray the matter; for he is very neat in his carri|age, and when he pi&s;&s;es again&s;t a wall he will lift up his leg for fear of &s;poiling his court &s;tockings.</P>
<P>I doe not beleeve that he is weapon proofe; or hath
<PB REF="4"> made his Ma&s;ter Prince <HI>Robert</HI> &s;o, or that poi&s;on cannot hurt him, for I do not think but a &s;ound &s;troke with a whip would make him cry <HI>peccavi;</HI> that is, he would confe&s;&s;e that he had offended again&s;t the King and Par|liament; and be&s;ides, the Parliaments Bitch could (if &s;he would be &s;o malicious) bite him &s;o &s;orely, that he &s;hould ever afterward halt of a leg; and indeed I think he is of a poi&s;onous nature him&s;elf, and yet let him take heed of wenching, or rather bitchering in <HI>Oxford,</HI> le&s;t the hair of his head, and likewi&s;e the hair of his body do fall off be|fore it come to tanning, and &s;o be compelled to wear a Court Periwig.</P>
<P>As for his going between <HI>Oxford</HI> and <HI>London</HI> every week oftner than the three Carriers do, it is in truth a ve|ry lie, for it is again&s;t the nature of a body to be in divers places at once: indeed I beleeve he is a &s;pirit of the But|tery, and doth often walke there invi&s;ible, and make the Scholers of <HI>Oxford</HI> turne all Malignants again&s;t the Par|liament; he leads the Doctors and Proctors in a &s;tring as a little dog doth the blinde man here in <HI>London.</HI></P>
<P>Neither did Prince <HI>Robert</HI> di&s;gui&s;e him&s;elf in &s;o many &s;hapes, like an Appleman at <HI>Dun&s;more</HI> heath, like a Net|&s;eller at <HI>Coventry,</HI> and like an old woman at <HI>Daventry</HI> by the help of <HI>Boy;</HI> for how could he furni&s;h him with Properties, and &s;everall &s;hapes? A dogs leg he could a&s;&s;oon.</P>
<P>For his behaviour to others, it is &s;aid to be loo&s;e and &s;trumpet-like, and therein he is like Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> Mon|key, whom the Parliaments Bitch &s;hall an&s;wer hereafter, and make her grin for anger.</P>
<P>For the Princes familiarity with him, it is but for his recreation, not for any affection he bears unto him, as he doth (I warrant you) to a Court Lady, nay, to any country
<PB REF="4"> wench upon a ca&s;e of nece&s;&s;ity; but let him not brag of that, for if he have kift the Prince once, his head hath afterward been twice in the Porridge pot; and when he runs about to &s;mell out <HI>Oxford</HI> Bitches that are full of concupi&s;ence, where is his no&s;e then? The King and his children are thought to be very well beloved by <HI>Boy,</HI> but in regard he is a Malignant the Parliament Bitch dare affirme that he cannot love the King, and hate and grumble again&s;t the Par|liament as he and other Popi&s;h dogs do.</P>
<P>And whereas it is thought that <HI>Boy</HI> was a malignant again&s;t the City petition delivered by &s;ix Aldermen, I know and beleeve that he under&s;tood nere a word of it, nor knowes any letters but R. whereby he doth expre&s;&s;e his anger when he barkes, and he doth not care whether the King come to White-Hall or not, for where|&s;oever he is he can but feed daintily &amp; be Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> white <HI>Boy.</HI></P>
<P>As for <HI>London</HI> and the taking thereof, we have dogs enough that will take the Parliaments Bitches &s;ide, as <HI>Pepper Tobies</HI> dog, and <HI>I&s;aacs</HI> dog, and <HI>Greens</HI> dog, and a great many puppie-dogs, and curs that will domineer on their own dunghill, and keep out Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> dog in de&s;pite of his teeth; and thus I conclude the an&s;wer to Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> dog called <HI>Boy,</HI> advi&s;ing every one that he is an Impo&s;ture, a very juggling <HI>Boy,</HI> and a very cowardly malignant our, though he look like a lion.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="response">
<HEAD><HI>The An&s;wer to Prince</HI> Roberts <HI>Monkey.</HI></HEAD>
<P>I can hardly with any patience vouch&s;afe an an&s;wer to this un|clean bea&s;t this thing compo&s;ed of nothing but mocking and grin|ning at her betters, and &s;he for&s;ooth among&s;t the re&s;t will needs be a malignant, but as &s;he is tied fa&s;t with a chaine, &s;o it is not to be doubted but all delinquents and malignants that oppo&s;e the Parli|aments Bitch &s;hall be confined in pri&s;ons untill they leave their Monki&s;h qualities, and prove well affected to the orderly proceed|ings of the Parliament. But how can a Monkey have good condi|tions &s;ince her &s;hape is &s;o ugly, &s;o deformed that &s;he compares her &s;elf to I know not what?</P>
<PB REF="5">
<P> For her Jugling of the pay out of the Parliament &s;ouldiers heads, it is well known &s;he can do no &s;uch matter, but the Captaines keep it back contrary to the minde of the Parliament: and be&s;ides though I beleeve there are Monkeys in the Parliaments Army, yet they are often conicatcht them&s;elves, and cannot deceive poor &s;ouldiers of their pay, and Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> Monkey dare not come thither left the Parliaments Bitch &s;hould tear her green coat off from her back. She hath indeed many mad tricks whereof &s;he boa&s;ts, but why &s;he &s;hould be breached for them I know not, if &s;he were ever &s;uch a creature as <HI>Tobies</HI> Dog was, there were &s;ome rea&s;on to bear a little zealous affection towards her; for he was gentle and milde and a good oldmans Dog, but this is a grinning, mocking cur&s;t thing and a prophane wretched creature that would bring Prince <HI>Robert</HI> to love nothing but effeminate wantonne&s;&s;e as her &s;elf doth.</P>
<P>But I pray what do all her tricks gain her? why nothing but con|tempt and &s;corn, the Guard will play with her as boldly as her Ma|&s;ter, and feele and handle her all over, &s;urely if &s;he had any good|ne&s;&s;e &s;he would blu&s;h and hereafter order her &s;elf as d<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="KEYERS" EXTENT="1 letter">inurely as if &s;he were a Monkey that had been carryed to <HI>New England,</HI> and now brought over again, for there are &s;uch Monkeys now in Eng|land.</P>
<P>Let her never thinke that with her mowing at the Parliament, &s;he can di&s;countenance them and Religion; for they regard Prince <HI>Ro|berts</HI> dog no more then they do a grumbling Cur, and his Monkey they e&s;teem no more then a Je&s;ter, there are greater malignants that mu&s;t be brought to triall, and then Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> Dog will be taught better manners.</P>
<P>Thus you &s;ee what the Parliaments Bitch (if &s;he could &s;peak) would an&s;wer to Prince <HI>Roberts</HI> Malignant Dog and Monkey, but &s;he being of a mode&s;t nature doth earne&s;tly de&s;ire that they may be both &s;ent for and puni&s;ht as Delinquents, or el&s;e that they may hang tell they mend.</P>
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<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
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