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<DATE>2014-09-23</DATE>
<RESPSTMT>
<NAME>Simon Charles</NAME>
<RESP>MURP</RESP>
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<ITEM>Proofed and reviewed as part of batch Z140310.pdcc.</ITEM>
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<EEBO>
<IDG S="marc" R="OX" ID="B24047">
<STC T="W">H1172a</STC>
<BIBNO T="umi">99828185</BIBNO>
<VID>207776</VID>
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<TEXT LANG="eng">
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="dialogue">
<PB N="1" REF="1" MS="y">
<HEAD>THE Hawkers Lamentation IN A DIALOGUE BETWEEN Nick and Humphry.</HEAD>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nicholas</SPEAKER>
<P>AH! <HI>Humphry</HI> what &s;hall we do now? we are utterly undone, our Trade is quite &s;poil'd, all the News is laid down: The <HI>Mer|curys,</HI> the <HI>Intelligences,</HI> the <HI>Courants,</HI> the <HI>Loyal,</HI> and the <HI>Impartials,</HI> all's gone, Va|ni&s;hed of a &s;uddain; Prithee what do&s;t think of it? we may now go Hang our &s;elves.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>Think! I know not what to think, I'le go and get &s;ome body to write our <HI>Lamentation,</HI> or make a <HI>Balad</HI> and &s;et it to &s;ome Lamentable Tune, and Sing it my &s;elf; Sure the People will buy it out of meer commi&s;eration; for we have &s;erv'd them faithfully, trudg'd through thiek and thin, in Fair and Foul Weather, Rain and Snow, brought them News of all &s;orts and &s;izes, cut an dry'd, to their Doors, we had them ready for every Party, for the <HI>Torys</HI> what would plea&s;e them, for the <HI>Whiggs</HI> what would Tickle them; Loyalty, Trea|&s;on, Truth, Lyes, Orthodox, Sedition, &s;huffl'd together for all Cu&s;tomers: well a day, and all this gone of a &s;uddain.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>They never think what we Poor Men &s;hall do, to put us by our Lawful Vo|cations, getting our Penny hardly, by the wai&s;ting of Lungs, Sucking in the Foggy Air of <HI>November:</HI> Do they intend we &s;hall full to Picking of Pur&s;es?</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>That we did before, but it was in a lawful way: well, I &s;ay, would there were an Act for Licencing again, then for the half Crown charge we might cry again all &s;orts of Lyes with Authority. Well Friend <HI>Nick,</HI> I thought not to have &s;een this day: The Loyal <HI>Thomp&s;on</HI> is al&s;o fallen with the re&s;t: I thought he might have held up, I have got many a Penny by him. Nay, the <HI>Papi&s;tical</HI> Pamphlets begin to Flagg: We have now no way left but to our Prayers, I &s;ay <HI>Nick</HI> to your Prayers, that the Pope and the De|vil would put it into the Hearts of the <HI>Papi&s;ts</HI> to beget another Plot; that would do our bu&s;ine&s;s.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick</SPEAKER>
<P>Nay that was well thought of, we have got &s;weetly by the late Popi&s;h <HI>Plot,</HI> it was a mo&s;t certain income to us, and well improved. It is an ill Wind that blows no body good, it is good Fi&s;h|ing in troubled Waters; but the longe&s;t day I &s;ee will have an end; who ever &s;uf|fer'd, we got a livelyhood, and therefore &s;ince it is Intere&s;t that Sways the World, I know not why we &s;hould not Pray to have a livelyhood, for truly Knaves and Fools being the mo&s;t numerous, we got &s;weetly by them.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>You &s;ay right Friend, for I never got any thing by a Wi&s;eman in my Life; I always went empty handed from their Doors. But what &s;ay you to a <HI>Presbyterian Plot.</HI></P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>Nay any Plot in the World, tho it were but a Plot of the Apprentices, or of the Butchers to burn the <HI>Pope,</HI> there would be Money got by it, the
<PB N="2" REF="2" MS="y"> very name of a Plot would be a Revenue to us, let it be true or fal&s;e.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>We got well enough by the <HI>Presbyterian</HI> Plot, let me tell you, <HI>pro</HI> and <HI>Con,</HI> either &s;ide brought in the Penny. But they &s;ay they will not &s;uffer the Pope to be Burnt any more.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>Well if they but Hang him in Effigies, we &s;hall have &s;ome three half penny Poet or other make a Coppy of Ver&s;es, or a Dialogue of it, and we &s;hall get by it.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>What think you of Inventing one among our &s;elves of the great <HI>Turk,</HI> and the <HI>French</HI> King, they &s;ay they have a very great Plot in Hand again&s;t <HI>Chri|&s;tendome.</HI></P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>I like it well, provided we could bring this Plot into <HI>England;</HI> can't we get two Friends to &s;end to &s;ome of your out-Lyers to &s;end us this Plot out of <HI>Holland,</HI> there would be Fools enough to believe and buy it, and we &s;hould be &s;ure to get Money enough by it.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>Why truly Friend <HI>Nicholas,</HI> I &s;ee you under&s;tand whats what, and you talke like many of our Coffee-hou&s;e States|men; any thing I &s;ay for an hone&s;t live|ly-hood. Are not you acquainted with &s;ome Familiar?</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>Familiar! Ble&s;s us! What mean you: I have no Trade or Commerce with the Devil, I would not willingly give my Soul to <HI>Belzebub</HI> neither, nor go a Hauk|ing after his Imps to get a Penny: I have &s;ome con&s;cience Brother.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>You mi&s;take me, I mean ac|quainted with tho&s;e that write <HI>Dialogues</HI> between the <HI>Pope</HI> and the <HI>Devil,</HI> and were &s;o well acquainted with the Language of Hell; why all their words &s;melt of <HI>Brim|&s;tone,</HI> and they were as Familiar with <HI>Lu|cifer,</HI> as if they had-been his Secretaries, for a matter of Eighteen Pence, one of the&s;e Familiars would write us a <HI>Dialogue</HI> and di&s;cover all the Intreagues of the <HI>Cabal</HI> both of <HI>Hell</HI> and <HI>Rome,</HI> and rai&s;e up the <HI>Gho&s;t</HI> of &s;ome new Helli&s;h Plot that would get us Mony.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>If that be it you mean, I am for you, I know a certain Ragamuffin-that lives by knawing of Mouldy <HI>Chee&s;e</HI> like a <HI>Ratt,</HI> and he may be dealt with on that occa|&s;ion.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>And he &s;hall be our great <HI>A|pollo.</HI></P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>But Friend <HI>Humphry,</HI> may I ask you without offence, what Religon you are of.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>Religion! I am of the Religion that mo&s;t Men are of, the Religion that's uppermo&s;t: Intere&s;t and Gain; do'&s;t not thou &s;ee it plainly the Religion of wi&s;er Men than we are? what do'&s;t talke &s;o Ri|diculou&s;ly of Con&s;cience or Religion; is it for us to bu&s;ie our &s;elves with tho&s;e matters? they are beyond our comprehen|&s;ion: Let us doe as others doe, be of all Religions, of every Faction, and really of none, for when gain fails, there lies both Religion and Faction too in the Dirt, they &s;hrink their Necks out of the Yoak, and &s;eek to &s;ave their Bacon. What's be|come of the Crouds that u&s;e to fill the Coffee-hou&s;es? our Trade began to dwin|dle before this great downfall, it was but a bad <HI>Omen.</HI></P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Nick.</SPEAKER>
<P>You &s;peak profoundly, &s;ee what it is to conver&s;e with Men. Well, I ne|ver was of any Faction in my Life, of no Party, Church or Religion, but I knew my Cu&s;tomers: Here Sir &s;aid I, here is a mo&s;t excellent <HI>Tory</HI> Song, a mo&s;t Rare <HI>Dialogue</HI> between two Parters, of the little Man you wot of: Here is a &s;pick and &s;pan New Coppy of Ver&s;es Hot out of <HI>Thomp&s;ons</HI> Pre&s;s, concerning the <HI>Whiggs</HI> Plot: Here is a Pipeing Hot peace of <HI>Tory</HI> Loyalty; and here is a &s;ecret Pamphlet with a Vizard on't, wrote by a <HI>Je&s;uite:</HI> Then to another Cu&s;tomer, out of my o|ther Budget, Oh Sir, here is an Impartial Intelligence, great News of a New Plot at <HI>Rome:</HI> Here is a no <HI>Presbyterian</HI> Plot Printed in <HI>Cornhil:</HI> Here is <HI>Dick J&mdash;</HI> News; here is a Pacquet, and a witty <HI>Courant.</HI> Here is my Lord &mdash; Vin|dication, the Noble Peers Speech. Here is a little Pamphlet full of Loyalty and Trea&s;on, keep that &s;ecret, it comes by the Penny-Po&s;t, come Sir quickly, I am in ha&s;t, my Fellows will be before me and &s;poil my Market. O. <HI>Hump.</HI> The&s;e were Golden days, but they are gone, and nothing now mu&s;t be fold but Loyal|ty.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Hump.</SPEAKER>
<P>Pray therefore good <HI>Nick</HI> for another Plot, for we &s;hall &s;tarve by Truth and Loyalty. Alas! the <HI>L&mdash; Gazet</HI> I am afraid won't find us <HI>Bread</HI> and <HI>Chee&s;e.</HI> I &s;ay we have got more by the <HI>Pope</HI> and the <HI>Devil,</HI> than ever we &s;hall get by all the <HI>Loyalty</HI> in <HI>Chri&s;tendome,</HI> and &s;o fare|well.</P>
</SP>
</DIV1>
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<DIV1 TYPE="colophon">
<P><HI>LONDON,</HI> Printed for <HI>Langley Curtis,</HI> 168<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 letter">.</P>
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