<!DOCTYPE ETS PUBLIC "-//UMDLPS//DTD EEBOPROOF 2.0//EN">
<ETS>
<TEMPHEAD>
<REVDESCR>
<CHANGE>
<DATE>2010-01-03</DATE>
<RESPSTMT>
<NAME>Mona Logarbo</NAME>
<RESP>MURP</RESP>
</RESPSTMT>
<ITEM>Proofed and reviewed as part of batch B000010.pdcc.</ITEM>
</CHANGE>
</REVDESCR>
</TEMPHEAD>
<EEBO>
<IDG S="marc" R="UM" ID="B00087">
<STC T="S">12096.5</STC>
<BIBNO T="oclc">52633259</BIBNO>
<VID>174058</VID>
</IDG>
<TEXT LANG="eng">
<FRONT>
<DIV1 TYPE="title page">
<PB REF="1"><!-- PDF PAGE 120 -->
<PB REF="1" MS="y"><!-- PDF PAGE 120 -->
<P>PLEASANT Quippes for Vp&s;tart Nevvfangled Gentle|vvomen.</P>
<P><FIGURE>
</FIGURE></P>
<P>Imprinted at London by Richard Iohnes&punc; 1596.</P>
</DIV1>
</FRONT>
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="poem">
<PB REF="2"><!-- PDF PAGE 121 -->
<PB REF="2"><!-- PDF PAGE 121 -->
<HEAD>A Gla&s;&s;e, to vievve the pride <HI>of vaineglorious Women.</HI></HEAD>
<HEAD TYPE="sub">A PLESANT INVECTIVE AGAINST the <HI>Fantastical Forreigue</HI> Toyes, dayly v&s;ed in <HI>Womens apparel.</HI></HEAD>
<LG>
<L>THe&s;e fa&s;hions fonde of countrey &s;trange,</L>
<L>which Engli&s;h heads &s;o much delight</L>
<L>Through towne and countrie which do range,</L>
<L>and are imbrac'd of euery wight.</L>
<L>So much I woonder &s;till to &s;ee,</L>
<L>That nought &s;o much amazeth me.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>If they by Painters cunning skill,</L>
<L>were prickt on walles, to make them gaye:</L>
<L>If gla&s;&s;e in windowes they did fill,</L>
<L>or trimd-vp-puppets, childrens play,</L>
<L>I would repute them Antickes olde,</L>
<L>They &s;hould for me, go vncontrolde</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>If they on &s;tage, in &s;tately &s;ort</L>
<L>might &s;et, to plea&s;e the Idles eie:</L>
<L>If Maie-game maiets-for &s;ummer &s;port,</L>
<L>by them in daunce, di&s;gui&s;de might be,</L>
<L>They would not then de&s;erue &s;uch blame,</L>
<L>Nor worke the wearers half the &s;hame.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>But when as men, of lore and wit</L>
<L>and guiders of the wekaer kinde:</L>
<L>Doe iudge them for their mate &s;o fit,</L>
<L>that nothing more, can plea&s;e their mind.</L>
<L>I know not what to &s;ay to this,</L>
<L>But &s;ure I know, it is ami&s;&s;e.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="3"><!-- PDF PAGE 122 -->
<L>And when &s;age Parents breeds in childe,</L>
<L>the greedy lu&s;t of helli&s;h toyes,</L>
<L>Whereby in manners, they growe wilde,</L>
<L>and lo&s;e the bli&s;&s;e of la&s;ting ioyes.</L>
<L>I pittie much to &s;ee the ca&s;e</L>
<L>That we thus faile of better grace.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>And when proud princoks, Ra&s;cals bratte,</L>
<L>in fa&s;hions will be Princes mate:</L>
<L>And euerye Gyll that keeps a catte,</L>
<L>in rayment will be like a &s;tate.</L>
<L>If any cau&s;e be to complaine,</L>
<L>In &s;uch exce&s;&s;e who can refraine.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>And when yoong wi&s;kers fit for worke,</L>
<L>in no good &s;ort will &s;pend the day:</L>
<L>But be prophane, more then a Turke,</L>
<L>intending nought but to bee gay.</L>
<L>If we were bent to prai&s;e our time,</L>
<L>Of force wee mu&s;t condemne this crime.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>And when graue Matrones hone&s;t thought,</L>
<L>with light heeles tra&s;h will credite cracke:</L>
<L>And following after fa&s;hions nought,</L>
<L>of name and fame, will make a wracke.</L>
<L>Might loue, and lip, a fault conceale,</L>
<L>yet act and fact, would filth reueale.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>And when olde Beldames, withered hagges,</L>
<L>whome hungrie Dogges cannot require:</L>
<L>Will whinnie &s;tiil, like wanton nagges,</L>
<L>And &s;adled be with &s;uch attire.</L>
<L>A patient heart cannot but rage,</L>
<L>To &s;ee the &s;hame of this our age.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="3"><!-- PDF PAGE 122 -->
<L>The&s;e Holland &s;mockes &s;o white as &s;nowe,</L>
<L>and gorgets braue with drawn-work wrought:</L>
<L>A tempting ware they are you know,</L>
<L>wherewith (as nets) vaine youths are caught,</L>
<L>But manie times they rew the match,</L>
<L>when poxe &amp; pyles by whores they catch.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e flaming heads with &s;taring haire,</L>
<L>the&s;e Wyers turnde, like hornes of Ram:</L>
<L>The&s;e painted faces, which they weare,</L>
<L>can any tell from whence they cam.</L>
<L><HI>(Don Sathan,)</HI> Lord of fayned lyes,</L>
<L>All the&s;e new fangeles did deui&s;e.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e glittering cawles, of golden plate,</L>
<L>wherewith their heads are richlie dect:</L>
<L>Makes them to &s;eeme an Angels mate,</L>
<L>in iudgement of the &s;imple &s;ect.</L>
<L>To Peacockes I compare them right,</L>
<L>That glorieth in their feathers bright.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e Perriwigges ruffes, armed with pinnes,</L>
<L>the&s;e &s;pangles, chaines, and laces all:</L>
<L>The&s;e naked paps, the Deuils ginnes,</L>
<L>to worke vaine gazers painfull thrall.</L>
<L>He Fowler is, they are his nets,</L>
<L>Wherewith of fooles great &s;tore he gets,</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>This &s;tarch, and the&s;e rebating props,</L>
<L>as though ruffes were &s;ome rotten hou&s;e:</L>
<L>All this new pelfe, now &s;old in &s;hops,</L>
<L>in value true, not worth a Lou&s;e.</L>
<L>They are his dogs, he hunter &s;harp,</L>
<L>By them a thou&s;and he doth warpe,</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="4"><!-- PDF PAGE 123 -->
<L>This cloth of price, all cut in ragges,</L>
<L>the&s;e mon&s;trous bones that compa&s;&s;e armes:</L>
<L>The&s;e buttons, pinches, fringes, iagges,</L>
<L>with them he weaueth wofull harmes,</L>
<L>He fi&s;her is, they are his baytes,</L>
<L>Wherewith to hel, he draweth huge heaps.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Weare masks for vailes to hide and holde,</L>
<L>as Chri&s;tians did, and Turkes do v&s;e</L>
<L>To hide the face, from wantons bolde,</L>
<L>&s;mall cau&s;e then were, at them to mu&s;e,</L>
<L>But barring onely wind and Sun,</L>
<L>Of verie pride they were begun.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>But on each wight, now are they &s;eene,</L>
<L>the tallow-pale the browning-bay,</L>
<L>The &s;warthy-blacke, the gra&s;&s;ie greene,</L>
<L>the pudding-red, the dapple-graie,</L>
<L>So might we iudge them toyes aright,</L>
<L>to keepe &s;weet beautie &s;till in plight.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>What els do maskes, but maskers &s;how,</L>
<L>and Maskers can both daunce and play:</L>
<L>Our masking Dames can &s;port you knowe,</L>
<L>Sometime by night, &s;ometime by day,</L>
<L>Can you hit it, is oft their daunce,</L>
<L>Deu&s;e-ace fals &s;til to be their chance.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Were fannes, and flappes of feathers fond,</L>
<L>to flit away the flisking &s;lies:</L>
<L>As taile of Mare that hangs on ground,</L>
<L>when heat of &s;ummer doth arri&s;e,</L>
<L>The wit of women we might prai&s;e,</L>
<L>For finding out, &s;o great an ea&s;e.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="4"><!-- PDF PAGE 123 -->
<L>But &s;eeing they are &s;til in hand,</L>
<L>in hou&s;e, in field, in Church, in &s;treet:</L>
<L>In &s;ummer, winter, water, land,</L>
<L>in colde, in heate, in drie, in weet.</L>
<L>I iudge they are for wiues &s;uch tooles,</L>
<L>As bables are in playes for fooles.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The baudie Buske, that keepes downe flat,</L>
<L>the bed wherein the babe &s;hould breed:</L>
<L>What doth it els but point at that,</L>
<L>which faine would haue &s;omewhat to feede.</L>
<L>Where bellie want might &s;haddow vale,</L>
<L>The Bu&s;ke &s;ets bellie all to &s;ale.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Were buskes to them, as &s;takes to gappes,</L>
<L>to barre the bea&s;tes from breaking in,</L>
<L>Or were they &s;hields to beare off flaps,</L>
<L>when freind or foe would fray begin.</L>
<L>Who would the buskers forte a&s;&s;aile,</L>
<L>Again&s;t their &s;conce, who could preuaile.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>But &s;eeing &s;uch, as whome they arme,</L>
<L>of all the re&s;t do &s;oone&s;t yeeld:</L>
<L>And that by &s;hot, they take mo&s;t harme,</L>
<L>when lu&s;tie game&s;ters, come in field.</L>
<L>I gue&s;&s;e, Bu&s;kes are but &s;ignes to tell,</L>
<L>Where Launderers for the campe do dwel.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e priuie coates, by art made &s;trong,</L>
<L>with bones, with pa&s;t, and &s;uch like ware:</L>
<L>Whereby their backe and &s;ides grow long,</L>
<L>and now they harue&s;t, gallants are.</L>
<L>Were they for v&s;e again&s;t the foe,</L>
<L>Our Dames for <HI>Amazones</HI> might goe.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="5"><!-- PDF PAGE 124 -->
<L>But &s;eeing they doe only &s;tay</L>
<L>the cour&s;e that nature doth intend:</L>
<L>And mothers often by them &s;lay</L>
<L>their daughters yoong, and worke their end.</L>
<L>What are they els but armours &s;tout:</L>
<L>Wherein like Gyants, <HI>Ioue</HI> thy flout.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e hoopes that hippes and haunch do hide,</L>
<L>and heaue aloft the gay hoy&s;t-traine.</L>
<L>As they are now in v&s;e for pride,</L>
<L>&s;o did they fir&s;t beginne of paine.</L>
<L>When whoore in &s;tewes had gotten poxe,</L>
<L>This Fench deui&s;e, kept coats fom &s;mocks.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>I not gain&s;ay, but ba&s;tards &s;prout,</L>
<L>might Ar&s;es greate at fir&s;t begin:</L>
<L>And that when paunch of whoore grew out,</L>
<L>The&s;e hoopes did helpe to hide their finne.</L>
<L>And therefore tub-tailes all may rue,</L>
<L>That they came from &s;o vile a crue.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>If barreld bummes were full of Ale,</L>
<L>they might wel &s;erue Tom Tap&s;ters turne:</L>
<L>But yeelding nought but filth and &s;tale,</L>
<L>no lo&s;&s;e it were if they did burne.</L>
<L>Their liquors doth &s;o &s;mell and &s;tinke,</L>
<L>That no man can it v&s;e for drinke.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e Adornes white of fine&s;t thrid,</L>
<L>&s;o choicelic tide, &s;o dearelie bought:</L>
<L>So finely fring, &s;o nicelie &s;pred</L>
<L>&s;o quaintlie cut, &s;o richlie wrought.</L>
<L>Were they in worke to &s;aue their cotes,</L>
<L>They neeed not co&s;t &s;o many grotes.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="5"><!-- PDF PAGE 124 -->
<L>When &s;hooters aime at buttes and prickes,</L>
<L>they &s;et vp whites to &s;hew the pinne:</L>
<L>It may be, Adornes are like trciks,</L>
<L>to teach where rouers game may winne.</L>
<L>Braue archers &s;oone will find the marke,</L>
<L>But bunglers hit it in the darke.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e wor&s;ted &s;tockes of braue&s;t die,</L>
<L>and &s;ilken garters fring'd with gold:</L>
<L>The&s;e corked &s;hooes to beare them hie,</L>
<L>makes them to trip it on the molde.</L>
<L>They mince it then with pace &s;o &s;trange</L>
<L>Like vntam'd heifers, when they range,</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>To carrie all this pelfe and tra&s;h,</L>
<L>be cau&s;e their bodies are vnfit,</L>
<L>Our wantons now in coaches da&s;h,</L>
<L>from hou&s;e to hou&s;e, from &s;treet to &s;treet,</L>
<L>Were they of &s;tate, or were they lame,</L>
<L>To ride in coach they need not &s;hame.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>But being ba&s;e, and &s;ound in health,</L>
<L>they teach for what they coatches make:</L>
<L>Some thinks perhaps to &s;hew their wealth,</L>
<L>nay, nay, in them they penaunce take.</L>
<L>As poorer truls, mu&s;t ride in cartes,</L>
<L>So coatches are for prouder hearts.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>You &s;illie men, of &s;imple &s;ence,</L>
<L>what ioy haue you, old-Cookes to be:</L>
<L>Your owne deare fle&s;h, thus to di&s;pence,</L>
<L>to plea&s;e the glance of lu&s;ting eie.</L>
<L>That you &s;hould coutch your meat in di&s;h,</L>
<L>And others feele, it is no fi&s;h.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="6"><!-- PDF PAGE 125 -->
<L>Of verie loue you them array,</L>
<L>in &s;iluer, golde, and iewels braue:</L>
<L>For &s;ilke and veluet &s;till you pay,</L>
<L>&s;o they be trimme, no co&s;t you &s;aue.</L>
<L>But think you &s;uch as ioy in the&s;e,</L>
<L>Will couet none, but you to plea&s;e.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>When they for gawdes, and toyes do wrangle,</L>
<L>pretending &s;tate and neighbours gui&s;e,</L>
<L>Then are they bent, to trap and tangle,</L>
<L>Vnskilfull braines, and heads vnwi&s;e:</L>
<L>I neuer yet &s;aw, bayted hooke,</L>
<L>But fi&s;her then for game did looke.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>They &s;ay they are of gentle race,</L>
<L>and therefore mu&s;t be finely deckt,</L>
<L>It were for them a great di&s;grace,</L>
<L>to be as are the &s;imple &s;ect.</L>
<L>Fine Gentles mu&s;t be finely clad,</L>
<L>All them be&s;eemes, that may be had.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>They gentle are both borne and bred,</L>
<L>they gentle are in &s;port and game:</L>
<L>They gentle are at boord and bed,</L>
<L>they gentle are in wealth and name.</L>
<L>Such gentles nice, mu&s;t needs be trimme,</L>
<L>From head to foot in euerie limme.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>But husbands you, marke well my &s;awes,</L>
<L>when they pretend their gentle blood.</L>
<L>Then they intend to make you dawes,</L>
<L>in vaine to &s;pend your wealth and good.</L>
<L>You better were the clowne to cloath,</L>
<L>Then Gentles which doe vertue loath.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="6"><!-- PDF PAGE 125 -->
<L>True Gentles &s;hould be lightes and guides,</L>
<L>in mode&s;t path to &s;imple ranke</L>
<L>But the&s;e that &s;traye &s;o farre a&s;ide,</L>
<L>them&s;elues that thus vn&s;eemlie pranke.</L>
<L>They are but puppets richlie dight,</L>
<L>True Gentrie they haue put to flight.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>You daintie Minious, tel me &s;ooth,</L>
<L>di&s;&s;emble not, but vtter plaine:</L>
<L>Is not this thus of verie troth,</L>
<L>thinke you I &s;launder, lie or faine:</L>
<L>When you haue all your trinkets fit,</L>
<L>Can you alone in chamber &s;it.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>You are not then to carde and &s;pinne,</L>
<L>to brue or bake I dare well &s;ay:</L>
<L>No thriftie worke you can beginne,</L>
<L>you haue nought els to doe but play.</L>
<L>To play alone were for a &s;ot,</L>
<L>It's knowne, you minions, v&s;e it not.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>You thinke (perhaps) to win great &s;ame.</L>
<L>by vncouth &s;utes, and fa&s;hions wilde</L>
<L>All &s;uch as know you, thinke the &s;ame,</L>
<L>but in ech kind, you are beguilde.</L>
<L>For when you looke for prai&s;es &s;ound,</L>
<L>Then are you &s;o light fi&s;giggs crownde&punc;</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The better &s;ort, that mode&s;t are,</L>
<L>whome gari&s;h pompe doth not infect:</L>
<L>Of them Dame honour, hath a care,</L>
<L>with glorious fame, that they be deckt:</L>
<L>Their prai&s;es, will for aie remaine,</L>
<L>When bodies rot, &s;hall vertue gaine.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<PB REF="7"><!-- PDF PAGE 126 -->
<L>Thou Poet rude if thou be &s;corn'd,</L>
<L>di&s;daine it not, for Preachers graue</L>
<L>Are &s;till di&s;pi&s;d, by faces hornde,</L>
<L>when they for better manners craue.</L>
<L>That hap which fals, on men diuine,</L>
<L>If thou it feele, doe not repine.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>I know &s;ome think, my tearmes are gro&s;&s;e,</L>
<L>too plaine thou art &s;ome others deeme:</L>
<L>Be not aga&s;t, thy foes are dro&s;&s;e,</L>
<L>full well doth rudne&s;&s;e them be&s;eeme.</L>
<L>Who thee mi&s;like, are but a me&s;&s;e,</L>
<L>And here their kinds I will expre&s;&s;e.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Fir&s;t, a &s;imple &s;waine, that nothing knowes,</L>
<L>next, curtaile-flurt, as ranke as bea&s;t:</L>
<L>Then peacocke proud, that &s;tatelie goes,</L>
<L>la&s;t, roi&s;ting knaues, of vertue lea&s;t.</L>
<L>None els but the&s;e will thee di&s;daine,</L>
<L>Contemne them all as cau&s;es vaine.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Good men of skill, doe know it well,</L>
<L>that the&s;e our dayes require &s;uch &s;peech:</L>
<L>Who oft are moued with threats of hell,</L>
<L>whome Preachers &s;till in vaine be&s;eech.</L>
<L>Is any knife too &s;harpe for &s;uch</L>
<L>Or any word for them too much.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Let fearfull Poets, pardon craue,</L>
<L>that &s;eeke for prai&s;e, at euerie lips:</L>
<L>Doe thou not fauor, nor yet raue,</L>
<L>the golden meane is free from trips.</L>
<L>This le&s;&s;on old was taught in &s;chooles,</L>
<L>It's prai&s;e to be di&s;prai&s;de of fooles.</L>
</LG>
<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
</DIV1>
</BODY>
</TEXT>
</EEBO>
</ETS>
