<!DOCTYPE ETS PUBLIC "-//UMDLPS//DTD EEBOPROOF 2.0//EN">
<ETS>
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<CHANGE>
<DATE>2009-02-04</DATE>
<RESPSTMT>
<NAME>Mona Logarbo</NAME>
<RESP>MURP</RESP>
</RESPSTMT>
<ITEM>Proofed and reviewed as part of batch B081154.pdcc.</ITEM>
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<EEBO>
<IDG S="marc" R="UM" ID="B03428">
<STC T="W">F401</STC>
<BIBNO T="umi">99884962</BIBNO>
<VID>182750</VID>
</IDG>
<TEXT LANG="eng">
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="ballad">
<PB REF="1" MS="y"><!-- PDF PAGE 1 -->
<HEAD>THE FANATICKS BARBER. OR, A New Cut for <HI>NON-CONFORMISTS.</HI></HEAD>
<ARGUMENT>
<P>Being a true Relation of the <HI>PARSON</HI> that was lately Gelt at <HI>Chemsford</HI> in <HI>E&s;&s;ex,</HI> being taken in Bed with another Mans Wife.</P>
<P>Very proper to be &s;ung in all Corporations of this Nation. All the Town &s;han't &s;ave thee.</P>
</ARGUMENT>
<P><FIGURE>
</FIGURE>
<FIGURE>
</FIGURE></P>
<LG>
<L>O Women, you that can &s;o well</L>
<L>Bewaile your own misfortunes</L>
<L>Come cry with me, for man undone,</L>
<L>For acting 'tween the Curtaines,</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>They &s;ay the <HI>Saracens</HI> are cruel,</L>
<L>And <HI>Tartars</HI> they are grim;</L>
<L>But fie upon Chri&s;tian <HI>Engli&s;h</HI> man</L>
<L>They never did like him.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Now that I may your longing &s;ave</L>
<L>And &s;et your tongues a gabling,</L>
<L>My &s;ong concerns a Par&s;on; Lord!</L>
<L>Well men of God be dabling?</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Yea verily even &s;o it is,</L>
<L>For mortal fle&s;h is frail;</L>
<L>And men of God like other men</L>
<L>Bear lecherie in tayle.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Ill tell it out, for Saints will crie</L>
<L>Give me a mare behind</L>
<L>If that a man mu&s;t pay &s;o dear</L>
<L>For boaring Woman kind.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Proceed therefore my doleful mu&s;e;</L>
<L>In famous <HI>E&s;&s;ex</HI> where,</L>
<L>The Town which you do <HI>Chemsford</HI> call,</L>
<L>and thus it fell out there.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Thus did it fall out there I &s;ay,</L>
<L>The Par&s;on there did live,</L>
<L>They &s;ay he was a <HI>Presbyter</HI></L>
<L>The which I do believe.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Quoth he unto his Neighbours wi&s;e,</L>
<L>My Bowels earn for thee,</L>
<L>As&s;i&s;t the feeder of thy &s;oul</L>
<L>In his nece&s;&s;ity.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Quoth &s;he, Oh Sir, it cannot be</L>
<L>That I my &s;oul &s;hould damn:</L>
<L>I'le warrant thee for that quoth he,</L>
<L>an't I thy Prie&s;t &s;weet Lamb?</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Why did not <HI>David</HI> lye, quoth he</L>
<L>with wife of bold <HI>&V;riah?</HI></L>
<L>You I &s;ay that he was puni&s;ht for't,</L>
<L>But that my deare's a lie a.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>With that they laie down both toge|ther</L>
<L>as doth the Lamb and Lion:</L>
<L>Let's get a holie &s;eed, quoth he,</L>
<L>to thwack the foes of <HI>Zion.</HI></L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>But oh that Butcher butcherly,</L>
<L>that blinking bloody butcher,</L>
<L>That ju&s;t came in, in nick of time,</L>
<L>as he was going to touch her.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>So <HI>Troy</HI> Town after ten years wars</L>
<L>was taken unaware:</L>
<L>And as the learned do recount,</L>
<L>&s;o <HI>Mo&s;&s;e</HI> did catch his Mare.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>They &s;ay cau&s;e Butcher came &s;o pat,</L>
<L>he had &s;ome private item;</L>
<L>Some bid him call for witne&s;&s;es,</L>
<L>and afterwards indite him.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Dite him quoth he, with irefull face,</L>
<L>I'le dite him with a pox;</L>
<L>So up he went whetting his Knife,</L>
<L>and &s;treight bounc'd ope the locks</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Judge how the Par&s;on looked then,</L>
<L>quo butcher, I come to kill ye;</L>
<L>With that his tool which was &s;o crank</L>
<L>&s;hrunk up into his belly.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Art thou fit others for to teach.</L>
<L>quo butcher then full gravely,</L>
<L>And do &s;uch wicked things as the&s;e!</L>
<L>'God all the town &s;han't &s;ave thee.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The Prie&s;t thought to have &s;car'd the Butcher</L>
<L>with a &s;yllogi&s;m in Celarent</L>
<L>Tar box quo to'ther, Prie&s;ts were not made</L>
<L><HI>ut Butchers wives amarent.</HI></L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>With that he whip'd the bed cloaths off</L>
<L>and in his hand he caught um,</L>
<L>Quo he I'le have off every bit,</L>
<L>though 'twere a mile to the bottom,</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>O Caytiffe wretch, quo Par&s;on then</L>
<L>to make my fate &s;o heavy;</L>
<L>The Turk ne're gave &s;o deep a wound</L>
<L>unto the Tribe of <HI>Levy.</HI></L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Quo Butcher, pi&s;h&mdash;&s;o Par&s;on laie,</L>
<L>in his own pickle &s;prawling:</L>
<L>Ye bitch, quo he, unto his wife,</L>
<L>I ha' &s;poil'd your caterwauling.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Therefore all you that have long ears,</L>
<L>reach them unto my text,</L>
<L>For faith y'are all &s;o given to't,</L>
<L>that God knows who'l be next.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>For &s;o it is now, that if ye ask</L>
<L>where all the &s;awcie trade is,</L>
<L>Why Players among Gentlemen,</L>
<L>and Par&s;ons among Ladies.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Therefore I pray you li&s;ten well</L>
<L>to what ye have heard this daie,</L>
<L>Fir&s;t of all cau&s;e by &s;uch foul deeds</L>
<L>you will your &s;elves bewray.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Secondlie for that you offend</L>
<L>the Brethren that are weak;</L>
<L>Thirdlie and la&s;tlie for your own</L>
<L>and this poor Par&s;ons &s;ake.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Therefore I tell ye once again</L>
<L>take notice of my rime</L>
<L>Write it'th' tables of your hearts;</L>
<L>and &s;o much for this time.</L>
</LG>
<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
</DIV1>
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</TEXT>
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