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<DATE>2010-05-27</DATE>
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<NAME>Pip Willcox</NAME>
<RESP>MURP</RESP>
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<VID>165098</VID>
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<TEXT LANG="eng">
<FRONT>
<DIV1 TYPE="title page">
<PB REF="1" MS="y">
<P>The fir&s;t part of the la&s;t WIL &amp; TESTAMENT OF PHILIP Earle of <HI>Pembrooke</HI> and <HI>Montgomery,</HI> Lord of Saint <HI>Quintin,</HI> &amp;c.</P>
<P>NOW KNIGHT of <HI>BERK-SHIRE,</HI> Dictated by his own mouth, and took by Mr. <HI>Michael Old&s;worth</HI> &s;ometime his L^d^s
<HI>Secretary,</HI> and faithfully engro&s;&s;ed; together with all his L^d^s. penitent con&s;iderations, (delivered in mo&s;t patheticall expre&s;&s;ions) upon every particular of his Goods, Catttels, Chattels, moveable and inmoveable, that are de|figned in Legacy to &s;undry particular per&s;ons of mo&s;t eminent and remarkable quality.</P>
<P>The &s;econd part to the &s;ame tune, will &s;peedily be exhibited to publique view, as &s;oon as it can be po&s;&s;ibly Tran&s;cribed; By his L^d^s mo&s;t Devoted Honour.</P>
<P><HI>Mercurius Elencticus.</HI></P>
<P>Printed in the Year, 1649.</P>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 TYPE="to the reader">
<PB REF="2">
<PB REF="2">
<HEAD>To the Reader.</HEAD>
<OPENER><SALUTE>Reader,</SALUTE></OPENER>
<P>MY Lord de&s;iring to di&s;cover his Charitable and zealous intentions to the world, (more for pre&s;ident then o&s;tentation) and at his la&s;t ga&s;pe re|&s;olving to breath forth &s;ome pithy &s;entences, (fit to be committed to po&s;terity in&s;tead of proverbs) that might &s;peake him to eternity, as full of wi&s;dom as worthine&s;&s;e and honour, I here tender thee (by his Lord&s;hips appointment) the <HI>First part of his la&s;t Will and Te&s;tament;</HI> pray make much of this, till the re&s;t is delivered to thee, under his owne Hand and Seale.</P>
<LG>
<L>In the mean time, weigh but each word with heed,</L>
<L>You'le thinke his Lord&s;hip meanes to dye indeed;</L>
<L>For by the&s;e gifts, I find he tru&s;ts to merit</L>
<L>All th' heaven that e're's capacity'le inherit;</L>
<L>Nay in pure love, he is re&s;olv'd to &s;how</L>
<L>The Parliament the way they all must goe:</L>
<L>If he live longer, 'twill but vex the Devil</L>
<L>That &s;uch a foole &s;hould outwork him in evill.</L>
<L>Nay if he lives but to review this Will,</L>
<L>The kindne&s;&s;e on't his very heart will kill:</L>
<L>I hope his <HI>Elegie</HI> and <HI>Epitaph</HI></L>
<L>After the &s;econd part on's Will, &s;hall make you laugh.</L>
<L>And when we know his qualities, and riches,</L>
<L>Ile gage my braine-pan you'le be-pi&s;&s;e your Breeches.</L>
</LG>
</DIV1>
</FRONT>
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="will and testament">
<PB REF="3">
<HEAD>The fir&s;t part of the la&s;t WILL &amp; TESTAMENT OF PHILIP Earle of <HI>Pembrook &amp; Montgomery,</HI> &amp;c.</HEAD>
<P>_I <HI>Philip Herbert</HI> of the <HI>Tilte-yard,</HI> in the Country of Saint <HI>James's</HI> Parke, lying very &s;ick and weak. Here Mr.
<HI>Old&s;|worth</HI> &s;top'd him, My Lord quoth he, you &s;hould have begun in the Name of God. Dam me you Rogue, why do you Interupt me? is't not too late to begin with him now? I han't &s;poke with him ne're &s;ince I u&s;ed to &s;ing P&s;almes in the Kings Chappel, &s;ome eight years agoe, and do&s;t thinke he has not other things to think on be&s;ides my bu&s;ine&s;&s;e, I ne're medled with his Will, and why &s;hould he have any hand in mine; Mr.
<HI>Spea|ker</HI> knows, I have more mind to make him my Executor (or the Devil take me el&s;e) I promi&s;ed him &s;o when he got me into the Hou&s;e of Commons; and be&s;ides, Mr. <HI>Speaker</HI> has rea&s;on to love me better then he, becau&s;e he knows me better; the Parliament would count me a Cock&s;comb to for&s;ake them at la&s;t ca&s;t, and give my Meanes to one that I &s;hall never &s;ee for ought I know: <HI>Mihill</HI> I thought th' had&s;t had more wit then to per&s;wade me to any thing but what I am bound to by Act of Parliament, and I am &s;ure there's ne're a &s;uch a word in any of them by my con&s;ent, or ever &s;hall be; therefore pray hold your tongue and let me &s;peake my own purpo&s;e, and do you write it down, right or wrong; when you lye a dying (as I do) if you'le teach me to Write, Ile do your will to your mind.</P>
<P>But yet in perfect health and memory do make and (pox confound the&s;e hard words) pro&s;titute this my la&s;t Will and Te&s;tament, and hereby doe invoke and make voide all other Gifts, (the Devil a one I remember) Grants, Conveyances (and mine were never cleanly ones, for when I jug|led my &s;elf out of one Hou&s;e intoth' tother, all the Towne tooke notice of my &s;huffling under board) Wils and Te&s;taments what&s;oever.</P>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Old&s;w.</SPEAKER>
<P>Former, my Lord, you mu&s;t &s;ay, Former Wils.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Pemb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Why did I ever lye a dying afore you foole you? won't one Will
<PB REF="3"> &s;erve turn; you woo'd have me hang'd for making a new Letanie of re|pealed wils and Te&s;taments; woo'd ye?</P>
<P><HI>Imprimis,</HI> I give and bequeath my be&s;t pack of dogs &mdash;</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Old&s;w.</SPEAKER>
<P>My Lord, do you remember what to do with your &s;oul and body fir&s;t?</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Pemb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Vengeance dam ye for a confounded Cur, I could find in my heart to da&s;h a pi&s;pot in your ugly face; &s;o ye'd &s;erve me an I were at praiers, but I'le &s;ee ye hang'd before I'le try ye: Can I tel who &s;hal have my body or &s;oul either? Have I been Ma&s;ter of my &s;elf e're &s;ince I was born? Did not I pawn my &s;oul and &s;alvation too, long &s;ince to the King (though I ne're hop'd to redeem it) when I was made his turn-key? And did not the Parlia|ment get it out on's cluches into their paws, e're they would make me their Porter to carry Packets of Propo&s;itions to, and again? They may do what they wil with't; for my part, I ne're made much u&s;e on't, becau&s;e I ne're knew wel what it was: For my body, I mean to keep it my &s;elf as long as I can, I'le give every thing el&s;e away to the Devil him&s;elf, rather then part with my Carca&s;&s;e; I'me &s;ure my Confectionarie's Bill t'other day came to 100l. and I'de fain fatten my kidneys with tho&s;e &s;weet meats before I die, for fear they grow mouldy: I have no mind to feed upon gravel yet; an' my con&s;cience the <HI>pigmies</HI> do, and that makes them &s;uch dwarfs: I'de ra|ther go to hel, or purgatory, where there's room enough for a coach and &s;ix hor&s;es to turn, then be mew'd up under ground, where a man cannot &s;wing and Cat; but prethee hold thy tongue, and let's mind our bu&s;ine&s;&s;e, for I &s;han't die in quiet, til I &s;ee my dogs provided for.</P>
<P>My be&s;t pack of dogs to <HI>Oliver Cromwel,</HI> for he keeps bloud-hounds &s;o wel fle&s;h'd and fierce, they're able to tear out the Devils throat: I won|der what he feeds with them, now ox livers are &s;o dear.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I bequeath two couple of my be&s;t &s;paniels to my Lord of <HI>Denbigh,</HI> for hee'l &s;tand gazing like a moap'd Buzzard, and gape wide enough for a Hawk to &s;hit in's mouth, whil'&s;t a Partridge is upon replinie: &s;too bird, &s;too bird, O 'tis gallant game; I wonder whether there be any Haws in Hel; an' I thought there were not, I'de &s;end half a &s;core thither a mewing by <HI>Tom</HI> my Faulkner again&s;t I come, I &s;hall ne're endure to be idle there.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Old&s;w.</SPEAKER>
<P>You left at <HI>There,</HI> my Lord.</P>
</SP>
<P>There rogue, what &s;hall I do without thee there? Thou mu&s;t needs make me a &s;peech to carry I' my pocket, I'le con't by the way; they &s;ay the De|vil's a good Scholar, he hope <HI>Harry Martin</HI> to an&s;wer the Scots papers, and make the Declaration of Non-Addre&s;&s;es to His Maje&s;tie: They &s;ay his Se|cretarie pen'd that pithy Oration that
<HI>Brad&s;haw</HI> made before the &s;entence: Hang't, I &s;hall ne're come off, without thou prompt&s;t me, hee'l da&s;h me out a countenance, becau&s;e he &s;peaks Latin; ju&s;t as he does the poor rogues that cannot reade their neck-ver&s;e before my Lord Judge: &mdash; Confound me, if he angers me too much, I'le &s;wear his hou&s;e about's ears, if I can but get my Lord Generals pa&s;&s;e to run back again; if he denies that, I'de be&s;t take a file of musketeers we' me, and bring him before the Councel of War, to an&s;wer the contempt: But come, di&s;patch <HI>Mihil,</HI> prethee write on, thou art &s;o tedious, I doubt I &s;hall not get this Will ingro&s;&s;ed time e|nough
<PB REF="4"> to take a Copy out we' me; for I mean to &s;ue my Executers there for non performance, if I can entertain Mr <HI>Chute,</HI> or Mr
<HI>Whitlock,</HI> for my Councel, and Sergeant <HI>Wild</HI> &s;hall have the hearing of the cau&s;e; hee'l be &s;ure to hang 'um o' my con&s;cience, 'un he take 'um ta dy there, becau&s;e 'tis a bigger Court of Ju&s;tice then ours in
<HI>We&s;tmin&s;ter</HI> Hall.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give <HI>Badger,</HI> my be&s;t &s;tone hor&s;e (plague take him, for he threw me two damnable
<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 letter">quei<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 letter">hes one Saint <HI>George's</HI> day, I ne're daw'd it &s;ince) to Colonel <HI>Henry Martin;</HI> he has hors'd me above a 100 coach mares in's time; he has &s;ome pith in's back &s;til, you may &s;ee by his frothing and blun|dring, when &s;ees a hand&s;om Bea&s;t; he leaps nimbly &s;til, but he comes off ba&s;ely, becau&s;e of an old wrinch he got with &s;training too hard in jumping upon a great Flanders jade, too ful buttock'd for him, and upon a bank|&s;ide too.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give and bequeath my Tenor, my Ba&s;e, and my Treble, and all my Horns, to my wel beloved Son and Heir, <HI>Philip</HI> Lord
<HI>Herbert;</HI> his Wife can teach him to wind them, or the pox take her, for the French man has been her Tutor long enough; I lov'd the mu&s;ick wel, but I could never endure to were 'um, they made me look &s;o like a &s;ow-gelder.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give and bequeath my be&s;t lacing boots to Mr
<HI>Speaker</HI> (rot on 'um, I never wore 'um, but men thought I had got the gout for the &s;pavin; they'l ne're &s;u&s;pect him, becau&s;e he limps o'th' toe &s;ide like a Craw-fi&s;h.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give and bequeath my rich Sedan &mdash; woons, I'de fain be rid on't, becau&s;e they carried the King to triall in't; I ne're &s;ate in't &s;ince, but I was ready to be&s;hit my &s;elf for fear; an' I could but think of any body the Devil ows a &s;pight to, to betray him for a Traitor, he &s;hould ha't; 't may be my Lord <HI>Say</HI> wil thank me for't: Set him down in't, for he loves to take's ca&s;e wel.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give and bequeath my new tru&s;&s;e of points &mdash; hart, the rogues took me for a morri&s;-dancer in a morning before I was tru&s;s'd, when they came to cro&s;&s;e capers, and dance attendance before my honourable Wor|&s;hip: I'de be&s;t give them to Mr <HI>Selden</HI> to keep's codpice clo&s;e; hee'l wear 'um for antick fa&s;hion &s;ake; he &s;hall have
<HI>Tib,</HI> my gray mare too; the Coun|te&s;&s;e of <HI>Kent</HI> knows hee'l &s;tride an old gal'd jade &s;o gently, that &s;hee'l ne're wince at it; I cou'd find I my heart to give him her crupper too, for &s;he ca&s;ts forward damnably: Set him down for a mounter.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give and bequeath my great gaudy Coach (wood't had been bur|ned for me, when I &s;et foot in't; I'le take my death on't, I thought the Devil had been in't, and his dam too, when I and my Lady
<HI>Crompton</HI> rid in't la&s;t, it rumbled our rotten bones together like dice in a jugling box; dam 'om 'twas as bad as are of the&s;e confounded Strapadoes; pox on't, an' I had ne're hunted baudy hou&s;es, I might have rid hone&s;tly up <HI>Holborn</HI> hil with|out any danger, but it made me tremble like a rogue as I was, to think on't, how the Traitors that ride that way are mangled, when they came at <HI>Ty|burn;</HI> and I was never &s;o fraid but my quarters woo'd have been &s;hoke off before I came to <HI>Hide Park</HI> corner; I'de be&s;t giv't) to my Lord <HI>Grey</HI> of <HI>Groby,</HI> for hee's fain to make u&s;e of a Hackney &s;til to &s;ave charges, when's
<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 letter">udy rides a ranting, let him take't with a pox to him, for I have enough <PB REF="4"> on't, more then e're I &s;hall well claw of.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give and bequeath my great gilt Bible; Fool-&s;cratch 'um, the puppies took me for a Puritan; and &mdash; judge me, may I nere &s;tir if I had not rather hear <HI>Bul&s;trode Whitlocks</HI> Declarations read 100 times, then one of <HI>Paul Knels</HI> Sermon of execration again&s;t Rebels, becau&s;e I fumbled over the leaves, as if I meant to find the Text, though I nere knew a figure from a frying pan; I could &s;tare <HI>Caryl</HI> i'th' face upon a Fa&s;t day (like an Owl as I was) til the Gander was ready to be cackle him&s;elf for fear I &s;hould put him out on's parrating: Tis a terrible villain &s;ometimes, for hee'l make a Church roar of damnation as bad as a Popes Bull, hee'l &s;o be labour a poor innocent cu&s;hion, as if he meant to beat the brains out about's ears, as he rears up again&s;t the pillar &mdash; yet &s;ometime hee'l give's a great deal of comfort, when he was terrified us a matter of two hours together with a thundring &s;tory of <HI>Cromwel's</HI> plaguy deliverances, and murdered our memo|ries with his morter-peece of de&s;truction to Monarchy; then he begins to bleat peaceably towards dinner time; O tis a cunning colt, he knows how to kick us out of good manners, and make's whihy again to hear him claw into conceit with our own mi&s;chiefs; I had be&s;t give him this Bible, hee'l preach nothing but Acts of Parliament, and Judge Advocate Orders out on't, to &s;trengthen the hearts of the couragious Councel of War, that they may confidently condemn the rogues without the lea&s;t &s;cruple of &s;curvy con&s;cience: Set him down for a Book banger.</P>
<P><HI>Item,</HI> I give and bequeath my be&s;t <HI>Cloake</HI> and
<HI>George;</HI> vengeance of all ill luck: an I wear't any longer, the bloud thir&s;ty will go nigh to take me for a Tyrant (as fierce a one as ere &s;tood in <HI>Smithfield</HI> pens) and fix me for a blazing &s;tar in the fore-head of the Firmament for the world to wonder at, how the Devil I came there again&s;t my will; for they knew I nere lov'd climbing (a rope fetch me if ere I did, &s;o I did not) if I had, I had nere been cho&s;en Knight of <HI>Bark &s;hire</HI> by &s;ome twenty of my vain|glorious Tenants and Servants, that thir&s;ted to do their Lord an honour; on my con&s;cience tis dangerous to be Knighted too by the&s;e &s;la&s;hing blades, for fear a mans head &s;hould fall into's codpice; I could nere endure to &s;ee a &s;word drawn, &s;ince I was beaten with my own hilts by a Butchers boy cro&s;|&s;ing the kennel, becau&s;e I, like a great Calf, mu&s;t needs call him tallow|beard, though his face was as bald as my own pate: and though they would not hang thee in it for a counterfeit, thou &s;hould&s;t have my Ribbon and <HI>George,</HI> 'twas my Porters armes, or I had nere been known to &s;it at the re|ceipt of cu&s;tom in the Parliament Hou&s;e, and carry tickets to and fro be|tween party and party; a lou&s;e in the pot, <HI>Mihil,</HI> is better then no fle&s;h; a Porters place in the Cu&s;tom Hou&s;e will be good preferment for an old Parliament man, in the raign of a new Repre&s;entative: I alwaies liked the conceit o'th' Emblem, more then th'honour on't (for that never fitted my humour) it looks fiercely, but when ye come to touch it, tis as tame as a dotterill: And be&s;ides ye know, when I am on hor&s;back, I oo&s;e as little mo|tion as may be; on my con&s;cience they'l go nigh to take't for my Lord Gene|rals picture, if thou laye&s;t it on a bow knot in thy bo&s;om; for hee's a man of a meek temper, or el&s;e he would never let <HI>Cromwel</HI> rule the ro&s;t, while he
<PB REF="5"> turns the &s;pit, and you know your Cooks are fiery fellows. I'le give my Cloake to Sir <HI>Henry Vane,</HI> for 'twill cover more knavery then foolery; and in this time of turning things ar&s;e upwards, the badges of honour may well become di&s;tingui&s;hing Characters of infamy, the &s;tar will illu&s;trate all his contrivances; we had be&s;t leave off for this bout, for too much of one thing is good for nothing; I'me out of breath now, but I'le fall too't again too morrow, and give um all enough afore I have done with them, that they may pray for me, while I &s;wear um all out of hell.</P>
<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
</DIV1>
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