<!DOCTYPE ETS PUBLIC "-//UMDLPS//DTD EEBOPROOF 2.0//EN">
<ETS>
<TEMPHEAD>
<REVDESCR>
<CHANGE>
<DATE>2012-08-15</DATE>
<RESPSTMT>
<NAME>Pip Willcox</NAME>
<RESP>MURP</RESP>
</RESPSTMT>
<ITEM>Proofed and reviewed as part of batch Z120710.apex.</ITEM>
</CHANGE>
</REVDESCR>
</TEMPHEAD>
<EEBO>
<IDG S="marc" R="OX" ID="A81820">
<STC T="W">D2518</STC>
<STC T="T">E432_9</STC>
<BIBNO T="umi">99865322</BIBNO>
<VID>117561</VID>
</IDG>
<TEXT LANG="eng">
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="poem">
<PB N="1" REF="1" MS="y">
<HEAD>DULMAN TURN'D DOCTOR, Councelling his brother <HI>Dunce</HI> how to peerk to preferment.</HEAD>
<DIV2 TYPE="to the reader">
<HEAD>To the Reader only thus much.</HEAD>
<LG>
<L><HI>REad on but laugh not, till thy heart do ake,</HI></L>
<L><HI>Yet grieve and groane for</HI> Philomu&s;us <HI>&s;ake,</HI></L>
<L><HI>This loco&s;erious Tragecomicall</HI></L>
<L><HI>Rapture, is mirthfull, though Satyricall.</HI></L>
<L><HI>Some wit with &s;ollid truth is here &s;o mixt,</HI></L>
<L>Domocritus <HI>with</HI> Heroclitus <HI>&s;ixt</HI></L>
<L><HI>That &s;weete and &s;owre, &s;alt &s;uger in this &s;croule</HI></L>
<L><HI>Is Phy&s;iek for the times, thy body, &s;oule.</HI></L>
<L><HI>Tooke as a Paper Purge for one poore penny,</HI></L>
<L><HI>Thy &s;quinzees may he curde, if thou have an&s;.</HI></L>
</LG>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="body of poem">
<PB N="2" REF="2">
<HEAD>D&V;IMANS documents to his bro|ther D&V;NCE.</HEAD>
<LG>
<L>POore <HI>Dunce</HI> my friend, familiar, and &s;worn brother</L>
<L>Whom I more largely love, then any other,</L>
<L>How ere thou nick-nam'd be Dunce, Dolt, Foole, Sor,</L>
<L>Simplicius block, blind-<HI>a&s;inus</HI> and what not;</L>
<L>For who&s;e ju&s;t brands I greive, thou well may&s;t thinke</L>
<L>As to &s;e Gee&s;e goe barefoote, Ducks to drinke,</L>
<L>Yet thou art dear, to me as A&s;&s;e to Mule,</L>
<L>As Goo&s;e to Gander, Buffon to Knave Foole.</L>
<L><HI>Gnato</HI> to <HI>Thra&s;o,</HI> Woodcock to a widgyon,</L>
<L><HI>Pyannat</HI> in a Rochet to a Pigion.</L>
<L>And for thy good, my braines I do &s;pung yet,</L>
<L>To knock into thy head &s;ome little wit.</L>
<L>Hence heare and heed, my nocuments for thy good,</L>
<L>Lodge in thy noddle and right under&s;tood,</L>
<L>My Cannons and my cautions, (tho Sneak, Snake,</L>
<L>Or Pe&s;t thou be) they for thy good may make.</L>
<L>Fir&s;t then, thoughtimes be Luxate out of tune,</L>
<L>As fretts in Mu&s;icks, Cuckowes notes in June,</L>
<L>Yet &s;ince that Medlars nere be ripe, till ror,</L>
<L>Meddle not with them for they be too hot.</L>
<L>When Pellicans flap at &s;lames to &s;ave their brood,</L>
<L>They but their owne wings &s;cortch and do no good,</L>
<PB N="3" REF="2">
<L>When ought ami&s;&s;e thou &s;pie&s;t, looke through thy fin|gers</L>
<L>And &s;eale thy lips, clo&s;e as Cathedrall &s;ingers,</L>
<L>(Silentians now) a Turki&s;h mute,</L>
<L>Or a dumb Oxe, with wor&s;t times now be&s;t &s;uite,</L>
<L>Wincke (Lyon like) in pollicy yet wake,</L>
<L>Se and &s;ay nought, though mad worke many make,</L>
<L>Sir and be &s;ilent and &s;ay nought but Mum,</L>
<L>Its the road way to make a woman dumb,</L>
<L>Though in Scold-Allia, Giglitania borne,</L>
<L>Schi&s;m Allia, or Tub Allia Gifts to &s;corne,</L>
<L>As <HI>Micholl</HI> once mockt <HI>David, J&s;hmael</HI></L>
<L><HI>Sarahs</HI> ble&s;t &s;on: Heire to Gods <HI>I&s;rael.</HI></L>
<L>Looke at mo&s;t men like Lyons in a grate,</L>
<L>Yet come not in their pawes at any rate.</L>
<L>Live to thy &s;elfe, and lurke in <HI>Cacus</HI> Denn,</L>
<L>Or in the Cyinks Tub, avoid mo&s;t men,</L>
<L>With <HI>Petrark, Tully,</HI> <NOTE N="*" PLACE="marg">In Tu&s;+culano</NOTE> pent in Country Farms</L>
<L>(As our late <HI>Lip&s;ius,</HI> <NOTE N="*" PLACE="marg">In An|gulo a|gri.</NOTE> thou mai&s;t &s;hun mo&s;t harms</L>
<L>Ere any thou call friend, drink with him Malt,</L>
<L><HI>Dutch</HI> like well watered with him eate much &s;alt,</L>
<L><HI>Ioab</HI> for <HI>Ionathan,</HI> yea A&s;pe or Viper,</L>
<L>Lea&s;t hugde thou dance, too late without a Piper.</L>
<L>Wed not with Courtizan, nor &s;cold, nor &s;lut,</L>
<L>To Horne thy head, thy heart vex, baine thy gut.</L>
<L>But if I may per&s;wade the (as once blocks</L>
<L>Daunc'r after <HI>Orpheus)</HI> fly &s;tom Wedlocks locks</L>
<L>Thou art a &s;imple, &s;tand and keepe thy ground,</L>
<L>Be not &s;o &s;imple yet, as to compound,</L>
<L>Staggs, Bucks, and Hinds on Mountains will live free,</L>
<L>Rather then &s;adled Hor&s;e or A&s;&s;e to be,</L>
<L>From Women &s;teering then, as <HI>Syrens</HI> Rocks</L>
<L>For feare of after claps of after knocks</L>
<PB N="4" REF="3">
<L>If thou with men wilt walke, as penny wi&s;e,</L>
<L>For &s;uddain ri&s;ing learne to temporize,</L>
<L>For to prevent Times &s;hocks, are rocks and dolours</L>
<L>Polip<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ze Camelionize into all colours,</L>
<L>J<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&s;t <HI>Proteus</HI> like, Hares Hedg-hogs, wit do &s;how,</L>
<L>Changing their formes as every wind doth blow,</L>
<L>More meale to milnes, more Fi&s;h to net this brings,</L>
<L>Then begging in the goulden times of Kings,</L>
<L>Or <HI>Pirchus, Cae&s;ar</HI> and great <HI>Alexander,</HI></L>
<L>Who rich in Hopes, inriched each Commander.</L>
<L>As Players then do cun their Cewes by hart,</L>
<L>Smdy the gainfull gnatonizing Art,</L>
<L>But above all, for place, grace, gold and dro&s;&s;e,</L>
<L>Commence Dunce Doctor quickly at dawes cro&s;&s;e,</L>
<L>And though the &s;pirit of a vane delu&s;ion,</L>
<L>Haunt the like <HI>Ahabs</HI> prophets to confu&s;ion,</L>
<L>Pretend Enthu&s;ia&s;mes, Raptures, and the &s;pirit,</L>
<L>This more then learned Arts, wit, worth demerrit,</L>
<L>Above all principles of <HI>Matchavil,</HI></L>
<L>All <HI>Gu&s;mans</HI> wiles, works of <HI>Achithophel,</HI></L>
<L>All cheating cunny catching Cards and Dice,</L>
<L>Monopolizing gets the in a trice.</L>
<L>Reputes Friends favours, du&s;t both red and yellow,</L>
<L>If thou can&s;t &s;chi&s;mes broach from thy Hog&s;head &s;hal|low</L>
<L>And though thou bee&s;t but a fanta&s;tick El&s;e,</L>
<L>Yet this will get the prai&s;e, and &s;ilver pelfe</L>
<L>And plump thy panch with wines, and belly cheare</L>
<L>As if thou fea&s;ted by Lucullus were;</L>
<L>Yea thou &s;halt be e&s;teemde the eigth wi&s;e man,</L>
<L>Learnd Doctor worth a Goo&s;e, and thou a Swann,</L>
<L>As rare as ever &s;ung in Thames or Po.</L>
<L>All Pagani&s;h learning thou wil&s;t out &s;hine &s;o.</L>
<PB N="5" REF="3">
<L>No Gyp&s;ie, Wizard, Witch Nicromantizer,</L>
<L>No Grand Iropo&s;ter &s;hall be held a wi&s;er,</L>
<L>Lurke but in &s;tables, corners, barnes, blind cellers,</L>
<L>Thou &s;halt moe Clyents have then fortnne-tellers,</L>
<L>No jugling Je&s;uites wonder-working Fryers,</L>
<L>No miracle minting, monks ma&s;&s;e, (a&s;&s;e) Prie&s;ts lyers,</L>
<L>No Phy&s;iogmoni&s;ts, prophets Magitians</L>
<L>Quack-&s;alvers Empericks, Mount-banks cald Phy&s;itians</L>
<L>And none by Palm&s;try who gull poore &s;ouls,</L>
<L>Shall be cry'd up, by gandarized <HI>Noules,</HI></L>
<L>Above poore the, a witle&s;&s;e worthle&s;&s;e body,</L>
<L>Who play&s;t among&s;t them all thy games at noddy,</L>
<L>And ever when thou robd&s;t, or win&s;t at hitter,</L>
<L>Thou Knave oath clubs turnes up, none doth it fitter,</L>
<L>To &s;well bigg as a Preacher (we I nigh bur&s;t</L>
<L>Like <HI>A<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&s;ops</HI> Frog) if that thou have a lu&s;t.</L>
<L>This above <HI>Kellies</HI> Phylo&s;ophick &s;tone,</L>
<L>Or <HI>Fortunatus</HI> pur&s;e: is all in one,</L>
<L>As high as Pewes and Pulpits to advance</L>
<L>Thy blocki&s;h Ignorance, proud arrogance,</L>
<L>In Campes in Countries Villages, and Cities</L>
<L>Whil&s;t <HI>Phylomu&s;us,</HI> though that he all wit is</L>
<L>Of <HI>Dunce</HI> and <HI>Dulman</HI> &s;hall be &s;cornd &s;ans pitties,</L>
<L>Weele make him &s;igh Elegiakes, dolefull ditties,</L>
<L>Hang down his head like to a bulru&s;h weake,</L>
<L>Or Cock beate out o'th pit, who &s;carce can creake,</L>
<L>Yea he &s;hall &s;e a moore-cock, poore cock, ba&s;e</L>
<L>Wi&s;e as a Woodcock, peerkt up to his place,</L>
<L>By &s;ome wi&s;e as him&s;elf, who for him &s;trike</L>
<L>With armed power, from bodkin to halfe Pike:</L>
<L>Thou and I will be joviall like mad Greekes,</L>
<L>Spurning wits Arts, and learning like young leekes,</L>
<L>No more e&s;teeming Gifts, in be&s;t Devine,</L>
<PB N="6" REF="4">
<L>Then Doggs do hony combes, or pure pearles &s;wine,</L>
<L>Whil'&s;t <HI>Philomu&s;us</HI> &s;hall out mourne even Swanns</L>
<L>Doves, ne&s;t rob'd Niti<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">gals and Pellicans,</L>
<L>And <HI>Dowlands Lachrimae</HI> &s;ing with &s;ad cheares,</L>
<L>Or <HI>Ovids</HI> Niobe di&s;&s;olvd to reares,</L>
<L>His gifts di&s;graced, &s;ilenced his parts</L>
<L>Logicke Philo&s;ophy and the liberall Arts</L>
<L>All My&s;tick Sciences deepe and profound,</L>
<L>To profound Jgnorance, &s;hall now give grounds;</L>
<L>Yea Elocurion memory quick wit,</L>
<L>This Curtian gulph &s;hall &s;wallow up each whit,</L>
<L>Greek, Hebrew, Lattine, tongues, and powerfull zeale,</L>
<L>H&s;tory Theology &s;hall be held a &s;weale</L>
<L>But of a Candle, or a Candles &s;nuffe</L>
<L>Pu&s;t out: all tooke Tobacco like in puffe,</L>
<L>By us who&s;e zeales do boile, like &s;cums in por,</L>
<L>In Ignorance wee have a goodly lor,</L>
<L>But in a &s;pirit Eutopean far the more,</L>
<L>The&s;e two the Godde&s;&s;es be which we adore,</L>
<L>With prie&s;ts of <HI>Priapus</HI> and <HI>Venus</HI> Nuns,</L>
<L>(We &s;leight the&s;e Arti&s;ts, and their paper Guns.</L>
<L>The&s;e our <HI>Dianaes</HI> great <HI>Apolloes</HI> be,</L>
<L><HI>Pallas, Minerva,</HI> and the Mu&s;es we</L>
<L>Scoffe as meere &s;care-crowe's in a cherry tree,</L>
<L>By Rattles, Hor&s;es frighted are, not we</L>
<L>Arts Idoles were in Bi&s;hop <HI>Quondams</HI> daies,</L>
<L>Now Almanacks pa&s;t date, to <HI>Mars</HI> be prai&s;e,</L>
<L>Webetter web will &s;pin with Rock and Spindle,</L>
<L>Without all yearne, then Arti&s;ts with wits nimble,</L>
<L>We do but turne the cock our waters run,</L>
<L>Our Doctrines drop from Clouds: the Spirit's our &s;un,</L>
<L>O worthy brother hold we but to that,</L>
<L>Then like to paper Squibs we &s;c<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ffe their char,</L>
<PB REF="4">
<L>And to indoctrinare &s;omething more free,</L>
<L>Thy dull plumbeous ceribro&s;itie</L>
<L>Be &s;ure to hit the way to Dun&s;table,</L>
<L>Then tho a Scavenger, or Con&s;table,</L>
<L>Borcher or taylor, from the needle train'd,</L>
<L>To the &s;harpe pike thou ha&s;t a trade retain'd,</L>
<L>Will hold thy head up higher, then all merrit,</L>
<L>If thou can'&s;t bravely brag thou ha&s;t the &s;pirit,</L>
<L>(Though but of <HI>Iezebels</HI> prophets: <HI>Lucifer)</HI></L>
<L>This will advance the, place the, grace the farr.</L>
<L>My doubty Dunce, coine credit wor&s;hip both,</L>
<L>To gaine, all &s;piried errours (though meere froath)</L>
<L>As <HI>Damocles</HI> did <HI>Dioni&s;ius</HI> &s;pittle,</L>
<L>Lick them as <HI>Bauline,</HI> this will the gaine, no little</L>
<L>Exroll <HI>Paus</HI> pipe as <HI>Midas</HI> did of old,</L>
<L>Thine A&s;&s;es eares may &s;o be tipt with gold,</L>
<L>Say <HI>Paetus</HI> daughters be more faire, more wi&s;e</L>
<L>Then <HI>Iun<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">,</HI> its the only way to ri&s;e,</L>
<L>Cry that poore preaching Pedlars better ware</L>
<L>Vent then rich Merchants, this will make the rare.</L>
<L>But cheif if any vent, the lea&s;t pure wit,</L>
<L>Riddle or hi&s;tory mode&s;t Iea&s;t, break &s;it:</L>
<L>(Though <HI>Samp&s;on</HI> and <HI>Elias</HI> did the &s;ame)</L>
<L>Clo&s;e &s;ting them yet, they and their wirs, proclaime</L>
<L>As froath, lo&s;e, vaine: where thou can'&s;t, not do like,</L>
<L>Barke, bite, detract, calumniate di&s;like,</L>
<L>Sneakes, &s;nakes, in blacks, dyde blocks, can aemulate</L>
<L>And teeth &s;how, where they cannot imitate.</L>
<L>Say that all Churches be but &s;leepled &s;tones</L>
<L>Except in corners ca&s;t, mong&s;t holy one</L>
<L>Learned Tub-tatlers, and in&s;pirde barn-bablers,</L>
<L>This will the grace among&s;t plebean &s;quablers,</L>
<L>Bray what thou wilt, more then Cumanus A&s;&s;e,</L>
<L>But in a Lyons skinne, withall to pa&s;&s;e</L>
<PB REF="5">
<L>For Lamb or Sheepe tho like a Fox too badd</L>
<L>Thou &s;mell) in a white Lambs skinne yet be clad,</L>
<L>For thou wilt nere effect thine ends in evill,</L>
<L>Unle&s;&s;e thou &s;eem&s;t an Angell, or white Devill,</L>
<L>So in Religious Maskes, broach plots from hell,</L>
<L>Like <HI>Herod I&s;hmaell Iudas Iezabel,</HI></L>
<L>Cheif cloake all &s;ects &s;chi&s;mes, pe&s;ts with faire pretence</L>
<L>Of Liberty for &s;ooth of con&s;cience</L>
<L>So the Iews Thalmand, Alchoran of Turks,</L>
<L>And popi&s;h Ma&s;&s;e, may further thy wor&s;t works</L>
<L>Ob&s;erve all humours; but reprove them nor,</L>
<L>For then &s;ome kicking heeles full well I wor,</L>
<L>Wert thou a <HI>Paul,</HI> would &s;purne the out of place</L>
<L>(As Gadarens did Chri&s;t) would hate the, <HI>Barrabas</HI> grace</L>
<L>De&s;art lies dead, the way to ri&s;e is flatter,</L>
<L>To fall is truth Crowes will do more then charten</L>
<L>Even picke out eyes of tho&s;e, their ne&s;ts who &s;poile</L>
<L><HI>Michaes</HI> and <HI>Labans</HI> rore, and keepe &s;trange coile</L>
<L>For Idols refr; for Hou&s;hold Gods not Goods</L>
<L>Pagans have hazzarded their lives and bloods;</L>
<L>Therefore deare Dunce to &s;leepe in thy warme skin</L>
<L>No Schi&s;me tax, tho hell harched nor no &s;in.</L>
<L>Boyes will adore that Ma&s;ter as half God,</L>
<L>VVho ca&s;ts away both Ferula and Rod,</L>
<L>And liberty gives to Iack to &s;port with Gill,</L>
<L>To play the wantons, and do what they will,</L>
<L>Once get a Chri&s;t and then keepe Holyday,</L>
<L>Pure &s;oules it is the fle&s;h that &s;ins not they.</L>
<L>And yet I know without a Chri&s;t po&s;&s;e&s;t,</L>
<L>In body &s;pirit &s;oule none can be ble&s;t,</L>
<L>Our Brother <HI>Mahomet,</HI> in his &s;ect thus thrives</L>
<L>Allowing lu&s;ts, wine, weomen many wives</L>
<L>And &s;o &s;hall we: well brother cunn your Cew</L>
<L>Now taught, and till we meere againe adew.</L>
</LG>
</DIV2>
</DIV1>
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