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<DATE>2009-04-24</DATE>
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<NAME>Lauren Proux</NAME>
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<DATE>2013-07-11</DATE>
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<NAME>lorand</NAME>
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<DIV1 TYPE="title page">
<PB REF="1" MS="y">
<P>THE Ladies Champion Confounding the Author of the Wandring whore, By <HI>Eugenius Theodidactus,</HI> Powder-Monkey, Roguy-Crucian, Pimp|ma&s;ter-general, Univer&s;al Mountebank, Mathematician, Lawyer, Fortune|teller, Secretary to Naturals, and Scribler of that imfamous Piece of Non-&s;en&s;e, <HI>Advice to a Daughter,</HI> AGAINST ADVICE TO A SON.</P>
<P>Approved of by
<LIST>
<ITEM><HI>Megg. Spen&s;er</HI></ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Damro&s;e Page</HI></ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Pri&s;s. Fotheringham</HI></ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Su. Leming</HI></ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Betty Lawrence</HI></ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Mother Cunny</HI></ITEM>
</LIST></P>
<P>Printed in the Year 1660.</P>
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<DIV1 TYPE="text">
<PB REF="2">
<PB N="3" REF="2">
<HEAD>THE LADIES CHAMPION.</HEAD>
<P>OH! for a leg, an arm, or a limb of that Devil incarnate, the woman-hater, and Enemy to multiplication, the Author of the <HI>Wandering whore.</HI> Come Sirrah, look to your hits, I have a whole bundle of rods in pi&s;s for thee, <HI>quod de&s;ertur non aufer|tur,</HI> thy puni&s;hment's onely deferr'd for a while, thou &s;halt have thy &s;wing, and thou know&s;t what followes after; for I know thou'lt run thy &s;elf out of breath &s;hortly: All thy <HI>Pumpings, Inventions, Romances, Stories</HI> of the <HI>Strummulo,</HI> the <HI>Merkin, Spunges</HI> of &s;e|veral &s;orts, <HI>Scotch-&s;pur, Padlocks,</HI> with the <HI>Li&s;t</HI> of <HI>Crafty bauds, Common whores, Wanderers, Pimps</HI> and <HI>Trappanners,</HI> &s;hall not prevent it; Thou did&s;t fir&s;t be|gin with <HI>private whores, Cuckolds,</HI> and <HI>Cuckold-makers</HI> under the notion and name of <HI>Mercurius Philalethes,</HI> but that Element was too hot to hold, come this will be out of the <HI>frying pan</HI> into the <HI>fire;</HI> thou know&s;t <HI>Mrs. B&mdash;</HI> in <HI>C&mdash;</HI> would have given ten pounds for thy di&s;|covery and apprehen&s;ion, <HI>Mrs. S&mdash;</HI> will &s;pend fifty pounds to vindicate her cau&s;e, &amp; make thee exemplary, and yet thou dar&s;t enter the <HI>Li&s;t</HI> again&s;t a thou&s;and; beware their Clutches, le&s;t they &s;ouce thee in <HI>Thetis</HI> poudering tub to make meat for <HI>Sharks</HI> and <HI>Shad|docks,</HI> or fright thee like poor <HI>Lazari<GAP DESC="illegible" EXTENT="1+" RESP="uom">o,</HI> by shaving thee, to&s;&s;ing thee in a blanket naked, and turning the out of
<PB N="4" REF="3">
thy &s;even &s;en&s;es, whil&s;t they cry <HI>Hey for the brave wo|men-barbers in</HI> Drury-lane, they'l &s;poyl thy occupa|tion for inveighing again&s;t their's, off goes thy &s;tones <HI>as &s;ure as a gun or a club</HI> to make <HI>Billjard balls</HI> on, and thy yard their <HI>Billjard-&s;tick</HI> to play at their Portalls, then &s;ay thy <HI>Pater-no&s;ter,</HI> &s;peak with all thy friends, for they'r re&s;olv'd (if they catch thee once) to &s;ee whether there be any worms in thy brains; and if &s;o, to wa&s;h them out, and put thy brains in again, and if that wont &s;erve thy turn, half an hour's exerci&s;e of their preparation will be wor&s;e then the pox or purgatory; Come <HI>Bits</HI> and <HI>Bacon,</HI> thou know&s;t how <HI>Thom.E.</HI>&mdash;was u&s;ed for thy &s;ake in <HI>Holborn,</HI> kickt up and down like a football, and forc't to fly for fear of leaving of his brans behinde him, or among&s;t them: was not <HI>Dick L</HI>&mdash;arre&s;ted (and forc't to pawn his &s;hirt and his cloak to pay his fees) by <HI>Merrick?</HI> And was not another arre&s;ted by <HI>Farmer</HI> the <HI>Poulterer</HI> in <HI>Newgate-market</HI> upon &s;uppo&s;ition of being the Author of the <HI>Wandring whore?</HI> 'tis true his innocency cleered him to the dammage of <HI>Su. Lemings</HI> pitiful Poulterer, who fea&s;ted him and his friends car|ca&s;es by way of Compo&s;ition with a Capon, Teals, Goo&s;e, Wine, <HI>&amp;c.</HI> to the value of forty &s;hillings, and upwards, making him pay for his mi&s;take and ignorance: Thou <HI>De&s;perado,</HI> if <HI>Glover, Player,</HI> or <HI>Thom-Stern</HI> light on thee han&s;omly, &s;ay well fair a light pair of heels, they'l try whether thou art a kin to an Iri&s;h man or no, and teach thee <HI>Hey then up go we, up tayls all, the Pit|chers gone to'th wall.</HI> But hear<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="UOM" EXTENT="1 letter"> you &s;irrah, is whore a common name to all women, which is &s;o common with thee? thou &s;ay'&s;t foul Devil, thou ha&s;t a Li&s;t of fifteen hundred Caterpillars and poy&s;onous vermine
<PB N="5" REF="4">which want de&s;troying, beware le&s;t a le&s;&s;er number don't devour thee, or burn thee in &s;ome Capacious C&mdash; or other, or quarter thee in pieces among&s;t them, &s;en|ding thy bones and fle&s;h among&s;t the Crew, in order to the burning thereof, with as much Ceremony as <HI>Pe|ter Aretine</HI> for inventing the &s;ix and thirty &s;everal ways and po&s;tures of occupying, or for being an Heretick; But Sirrah would not a whore be a nece&s;&s;ary evil (as is u&s;ually &s;aid of all women kind) if thou had&s;t not the gift of continence? prithee what cau&s;e or provi&s;ion is mo&s;t nece&s;&s;ary, mo&s;t lawful, lea&s;t offen&s;ive, and lea&s;t charges? ought we not among&s;t all evils to chu&s;e the lea&s;t? When then, &s;irrah, is not u&s;ing a hand&s;om Girl whol&s;ome, plea&s;urable, and tollerable? For &s;ince the number of females do far exceed that of males, doubtle&s;s they would have a little of <HI>that &s;ame</HI> as well as the re&s;t of their fellow Creatures, who are all fle&s;h and blood, and que&s;tionle&s;s were not brought into the world with &s;uch in&s;truments for no purpo&s;e or pro|fit: &s;o that I conceive (in behalf of Ladies and Ma|dams in our order) it le&s;s criminal for a man to go and lie with a wench (I will not &s;ay with another mans wife) then to lie with his wife when &s;he is big with Childe, or during her lying in Childe-bed, in this Ca&s;e what cour&s;e or remedy &s;hall a man take and u&s;e, who has not this Gift of Continence, and may neither lie with his own wife, nor his neighbors wife, nor his mayd, his nur&s;e, nor with a whore? que&s;tionle&s;s there is a lawful provi&s;ion made in this Ca&s;e of Extremity, which I judge, conceive and conclude to be in <HI>Polygamy,</HI> that is, in having plurality, &s;everal, or many wives at one and the &s;ame time together, as the be&s;t Expedient for gene|ration
<PB N="6" REF="4">and Continency, and &s;tricte&s;t way to have few or no whores at all, as it is at this day among&s;t the Turks, where one man may have as many wives as he plea&s;es, &s;o he can maintain them and their children, or if they do maintain their husbands. Put the Ca&s;e an Heyr of a va&s;t and yeerly revenue, to who&s;e i&s;&s;ue this E&s;tate is entayld, &s;hould marry, or be compell'd for lucre of mony to bed with a per&s;on he loves not, or one that proves barren, this weathly per&s;on is de&s;irous of Children to whom he would leave his E&s;tate, or el&s;e he loo&s;es it, leaving to it &s;trangers which never got it, would not this mans marriage to a fruitful vvife be matter of much rejoycing to him, and to every hone&s;t and cha&s;t vvife, if it vvere their condition, to &s;ee the fruits of their labours? a Pre&s;ident vvhereof I remem|ber to be verified of an <HI>Ea&s;t-India Merchant</HI> (of &s;ome|what a different quality) who was exceeding de&s;irous to have his wife got with childe, a thing he could not per|form him&s;elf,) giving her free leave &s;o to do during his ab&s;ence, provided it were done with a Gentleman; not long after a Knights &s;on coming to her hou&s;e, brought a bill of Exchange for a con&s;iderable &s;um of moneys, which accordingly was accepted, and the day of pay|ment appointed; the plea&s;ant Gentlewomen made very much of him, and agreed that the &s;ame day he received his mony, he &s;hould lie with her all night till the morrow; which was accordingly done, &s;he got with childe of a boy, and in ten months following born, and put forth to nur&s;e at <HI>Bednal Green,</HI> (where wanted no Expences or attendance) without &s;u&s;picion or jealou&s;y of the father, in regard of the &s;uddain di&s;patch thereof after her husband departure, not long after her husband
<PB N="7" REF="4">arriv'd at home &s;afely, who &s;eeing no appearance of his la&s;t &s;cuffle with his wife, lamented the want of i&s;&s;ue, chyding her for not making u&s;e of that freedom he had allowed her during his ab&s;ence, which cau&s;ed her to ad|mire his humor, and relate her fore-pa&s;&s;ed action, &s;aying there was a brave boy begot by a brave fellow, a Knights &s;on, and put out to nur&s;e in &s;uch a place, and of &s;uch an age; the newes whereof made him impatient of &s;eeing him, which he did the day following early; where after plentiful gifts to the nur&s;e, hugging, ki&s;|&s;ing and embracing of the childe, he told her he came to fetch away the childe, to which &s;he &s;aid, it could not be di&s;pen&s;'d with, without the knowledge of the per&s;on who delivered him to her, and paid for his keeping, on which he went away di&s;contented to the Knights &s;on, telling him he would &s;pend 300 <HI>l.</HI> but he would have him; the other an&s;wered he vvould &s;pend 500 <HI>l.</HI> but he vvould keep him, &s;o that incontinently a Sute vvas com|menced, at va&s;t charges on both &s;ides, ere the verdict came to be given up, vvhich vvas likely to go again&s;t the Merchant; of vvhom one <HI>Noy</HI> the Prothonotory &s;aid, demanding his fee, he vvould turn the &s;cales, vvhich accordingly fell out, and &s;peaking to the Judge and the Bench, de&s;ired the favor to &s;peak one or tvvo vvords more to the matter, vvhich in regard of the variety of pleadings, and multiplicity of Lavvyers there pre&s;ent, vvas thought &s;uperfluous, and needle&s;s, yet granted by the Judge, to vvhom he &s;pake, My Lord, put the ca&s;e that your Honor and I have each of us a piece of ground adjoyning to each other, and nothing but a fence or a ditch betvvixt them, you keep a bull in one part, and I keep Covves on the other, your bull break
<PB N="8" REF="5">in among&s;t my Cowes, and gets them with Calves, does not the&s;e calves belong to the owner of the Cowes? whereupon the verdict was given on the Merchants &s;ide: who brought him up to the Univer&s;ity, and dying left his whole E&s;tate to him, the Knights &s;on continu'd unmarried to his dying day, (having known her but that once) left his whole E&s;tate likewi&s;e to him: here's a rich Pre&s;ident for all barren women, all women big with Childe, and all old women to follow, in&s;tead of being jealous of their husbands, 'tis an excellent way to creace love in&s;tead of hatred among&s;t them, if they had but a right under&s;tanding of each other, to let their husbands with free con&s;ent take another wife by whom he may have children; for what were it for the Elder to be nur&s;e to the yonger wife, to have the favor and &s;miles of her husband, e&s;pecially where there is di&s;|parity of yeers, of di&s;&s;imilitude in conditions; I que&s;tion whether the &s;owing &s;uch precious &s;eed in a barren &s;oyl is an&s;werable, fitting, or different from &s;owing it a|mong&s;t whores, and if &s;o, the marriage of another pre|vents it, proving fruitful, and the peru&s;al of <HI>Ochinu<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="UOM" EXTENT="1 letter"> Dialogues</HI> of <HI>Polygamy</HI> and <HI>Divorce,</HI> will convince any rational &s;oul of the truth hereof, publi&s;hed and printed for J&mdash;G&mdash;once living in <HI>Cornhil.</HI> And now have at the new fa&s;hion'd <HI>Dialogues</HI> written &s;ometimes by a <HI>Con|vert,</HI> &s;ometimes by a <HI>Conver&s;ant,</HI> and another time by <HI>Eubulus,</HI> and next time by I cannot tell whom or what, and yet all one and the &s;ame hand again: I tell thee the&s;e poor Creatures term'd whores will &s;erve to &s;up|ply a mans wants better then marrying a wench, having nothing to &s;how for't but two pair of legs in one pair of &s;heets, with a windmil and watermil, from whence
<PB N="9" REF="5">comes no gri&s;t vendible: again, a wife a man cannot put off as one may a whore with eighteen pence or a couple of boards without any di&s;turbance or greater prejudice, if he &s;cape pockyfying: again, if a man in &s;uch a Ca&s;e meddle with a maid, he mu&s;t be forc'd either to marry her or maintain her and her childe, which is not &s;o with a whore, who &s;eldom receives any wages after her work is over, but before hand, and that &s;o frequent|ly that they &s;eldom prove with Childe, as <HI>Peg Cro&s;s</HI> the &s;hort A&mdash;Wanderer is, as thou term&s;t her, thou pre|tende&s;t to be their profe&s;&s;'t enemy both in <HI>Principles</HI> and <HI>Practi&s;es,</HI> whence comes &s;uch frigidity, and cold|ne&s;s, art thou not one of the <HI>Decayed Occupiers</HI> thou talk'&s;t of<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="UOM" EXTENT="1 letter"> 'tis likely &s;o, or el&s;e ha&s;t lo&s;t thy Evidence, or been &s;erv'd as they do Eunuchs in other Countryes, where their &s;tones are cut out, who would otherwi&s;e prove the &s;toute&s;t &s;tallions, as an approved and experi|enc'd Doctor ob&s;erv'd of one among&s;t them who would lie tickling and towzing of his Mi&s;tri&s;s with his &s;tanding T&mdash;for three or four hours, nay all night &s;ometimes to|gether, without tyring, but with no Ejection, it being impo&s;&s;ible: but I believe thou would&s;t have them go to't with Carrets and Par&s;nips, as the milk-maids did with one another till they let them &s;lip over head and ears, for want of tying a &s;tring about them irrecovera|bly, and the &s;poyling of a good commodity, or moul for ca&s;ting boyes and girles in: what would have be|come of that late and yong lady, in &s;uch a ca&s;e, of whom I &s;hall relate a plea&s;ing &s;tory, from whom &s;prung &s;everal curious branches, who&s;e father was, and is a per&s;on of great wealth and riches, yet covetous, and willing to rid his hands of her, at as ea&s;y a rate as he could to ano|ther
<PB N="10" REF="6">of a va&s;t E&s;tate likewi&s;e, but could not bring his de&s;igns to perfection upon him, for upon the tender of a thou&s;and pounds, he would not &s;eem to accept her without the addition of five hundred more, whereupon without the privity of his Father, Mother, or any other, but him&s;elf, his Mi&s;tri&s;s, and the Steward, this plot was contrived and executed, vvhich vvas to marry her, get her vvith childe, come novv and then to her in privacy, leaving her vvith her Parents, till the je&s;t broke forth, vvhich in fevv months follovving did &s;o, vvho&s;e mother de&s;crying the ri&s;ing of her belly, que&s;tioned her daugh|ter about the premi&s;es, to vvhom &s;he an&s;vvered, that &s;uch a per&s;on, not guilty thereof, had done it; vvhich exceedingly troubled her, vvhich cau&s;ed her to reveal it to her husband, vvho re&s;ented it vvith much more horror, for the di&s;honor vvould fall upon him, and his vvhole family: in this tryal his vvits vvere put to't, con|cealing it from all others, till his &s;tevvard vvho vvas deep in the plot, gave him an inckling thereof, of vvhom he ask't councel, vvho an&s;vvered him, there vvas no vvay under heaven but to marry her to her former &s;uitor, vvhich he vvell liked of, and accordingly he and his &s;tevvard rode to vi&s;it him, vvhere they vvere ex|ceeding vvelcom, in&s;omuch that the old man invites him by way of retribution and retaliation to his hou&s;e, which he forthwith accepted: riding together the mat|ter was &s;tarted, and renewed betwixt him and his daughter, which the old man gladly received, telling him he &s;hould have the 1500 <HI>l.</HI> but he would have writings drawn betwixt each other, before the &s;ight of his daughter; which being completed, the daughter was &s;ent for, who appeared big-bellyed, whereat with a
<PB N="11" REF="6">counterfeit amazedne&s;s, he &s;aid, How now <HI>Peg;</HI> what have you done? and to the father, I'le have none of your daughter, to which the old man replyed, taking him by the &s;leeve, Son, &s;on, a bargain's a bargain: I tell you Sir, quoth the Gentleman, except you double the portion for the di&s;honor done me, I will not have your daughter. Come, come Sir, I tell yee a bargain's a bar|gain, to avoid all trouble you &s;hall have your portion doubled, which was accordingly performed ere the plot was di&s;covered. Now face about to the right, I'le charge thee agen and agen, for I have but been skirmi&s;hing and bickering all this while, have at thee, with thunder and lightning, I'le come Pell-mell upon thee: Is thy name <HI>Eubulus</HI> with a hor&s;e-pox to thee, thou think&s;t to put the cramp in my mouth with a hard word, I warrant thee, but I'le anatomize thy meaning, 'tis a good Councellor by the figure <HI>Ironia e contrario,</HI> let thee alone in thy roguery, and thou'lt teach us all the plain way to occupying: for all thy pretended &s;anctity, doubtle&s;s thou art a <HI>yong &s;aint,</HI> but an <HI>old de|vil</HI> from experience, and the <HI>Devil</HI> is &s;eemingly the be&s;t <HI>Doctor:</HI> Will thy councel gain the <HI>Ely&s;ian fields,</HI> &s;atisfy <HI>Charon</HI> the ferry-man of Hell, or lead the &s;afe <HI>way</HI> to <HI>Bli&s;s?</HI> I have taught thee in my <HI>method</HI> to <HI>Ro&s;y-Crucian Phy&s;ick,</HI> borrow'd of that learned and ingenious Writer Mr. <HI>A&s;hmole:</HI> no, there's no &s;uch thing in na|ture, I would have &s;aid, <HI>rerum natura,</HI> but for frighting my Ladies, and puzzling thy empty pate, thou think&s;t all thy <HI>pack-thread intelligence</HI> mu&s;t all pa&s;s for <HI>veri|ties,</HI> but I that am <HI>Eugenius Theodidactus</HI> of my own creating, and <HI>Secretary</HI> to <HI>Naturals,</HI> &s;ay, <HI>Cujus contra|rium verum e&s;t,</HI> con&s;true me that if thou can&s;t <HI>Enbulus;</HI>
<PB N="12" REF="7">for I'le have thee to know, I under&s;tand <HI>Hebrew, Ara|bick</HI> and <HI>Syriack</HI> as much as the <HI>Grand Sultan</HI> does <HI>Welch</HI> and <HI>Engli&s;h</HI> Well, but thy name and thy na|ture are not all one, &s;irrah, I'de have thee to know I am a <HI>learned A&s;inus, ex quovis ligno uon fit mercurius;</HI> the Devils in thee for under&s;tanding, if thou know&s;t that too: for I believe thou wert never at the Uni A|fity of <HI>Padua,</HI> where I acted the part of <HI>Ignoramus</HI> in|&s;tead of <HI>Commencing,</HI> yet I'le give my de<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="UOM" EXTENT="2 letters">nition ac|cording to my degrees of <HI>Eubulus; Eubulus</HI> when I acted <HI>Acola&s;tes</HI> the <HI>prodigal,</HI> was my <HI>good</HI> Councellor again&s;t wenching; <HI>Eubulus,</HI> was my <HI>right-hand-Coun|cellor</HI> again&s;t High-way-men, Pick-pockets, and Para&s;ites. <HI>Eubulus</HI> was always again&s;t &s;haking of <HI>El|bows, Tables, Cards,</HI> and <HI>Gamings,</HI> and other chea|ting (as that of Sir&mdash;<HI>Moreland,</HI> of 40 pieces of gold in a dream,) and making the world believe my brains lay in a <HI>Long-lane Plu&s;h-jacket,</HI> a <HI>Green-bag,</HI> a <HI>re|verend</HI>-&s;taff, and telling of <HI>fortunes,</HI> or rayling at <HI>hone&s;t Fumigo&s;us</HI> my old enemy, for not flattering me in my ignorance. <HI>Eubulus</HI> was my friend after I had eaten the husks of beanes and pea&s;e among&s;t the hogs, but I ne|ver &s;aw any calf but my &s;elf: but this is a damnable Ex|cur&s;ion, if I &s;hould weary the patience of my Ladies of plea&s;ure, to whom I commend the reading of my <HI>Ad|vice</HI> to a <HI>Daughter</HI> &s;toln out of <HI>Felthams Re&s;olves, Modern Policyes, Overburyes Characters,</HI> &amp;c. taking the other bout with <HI>Eubulus,</HI> and then farewel: Ide have thee to know I &s;corn to take &s;uch a puppyes coun|cel, for I have found more profit by pinching and cheating, then thou &s;halt ever do by writing or &s;peaking go teach thy dogs to dance: but I &s;hall not leave thee
<PB N="13" REF="7">&s;o neither, wa'&s;t not an impudent part of thee, to di&s;co|ver who were <HI>Cuckolds</HI> and who were <HI>Cuckold-makers,</HI> of both &s;exes: thou <HI>baudy</HI> Author, and <HI>abu&s;ive Raskal,</HI> is it convenient to &s;peak truth at all times, no not to Quaery it? Whether <HI>Old Actaeon</HI> was ever coop't up like a <HI>Guinny Big?</HI> whether <HI>Actaeons</HI> picture were more proper then a <HI>Black Boy?</HI> whether the <HI>&s;even Stars</HI> in L.&mdash;might not more properly be the <HI>&s;even deadly &s;ins?</HI> Whether the &s;ign of the <HI>Devil</HI> were not more &s;utable for the <HI>Angel</HI> in W&mdash;whether ever a Ba<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="UOM" EXTENT="2 letters">er in <HI>London</HI> look't like <HI>Ma&s;sienello</HI> of <HI>Naples?</HI> Whether <HI>Smacket</HI> upon a wenches bum-trinket is not a <HI>term</HI> of <HI>art</HI> for every <HI>Barbers</HI> mouth? and <HI>Have you any wood to cleave,</HI> a profitable &s;entence on <HI>Hor&s;ledown?</HI> Whether <HI>Su Leming?</HI> A&mdash;does not make buttons with the &s;trings of her fiddle, ever &s;ince the di&s;covery of <HI>Ben. R</HI>&mdash;his drawing a tabby gown out of his Codpiece? Whether old father <HI>Fiery-facias</HI> will ever be cur'd of his <HI>red no&s;e,</HI> till he leaves looking under the <HI>Lines</HI> of <HI>Communication?</HI> Whether <HI>old Rats</HI> will ever leave loving of <HI>Chee&s;e?</HI> Whether that which is bred in the <HI>bone,</HI> will ever out of the fle&s;h? Whether a <HI>Flaunders</HI> Mare or a <HI>beautiful wench naked</HI> is the better bed-fellow? Whether <HI>plain-horns</HI> or <HI>gilt-horns</HI> are mo&s;t fa&s;hionable? Whether the <HI>Butchers brindle</HI> does not want Hukins his Quidlibets? Whether <HI>Lon|don</HI> vvill ever be vvithout <HI>Cuckolds</HI> and <HI>Cuckoldmakers?</HI> Whether the <HI>French mans</HI> riding on the <HI>no&s;e,</HI> does not &s;poyl a <HI>good occupation?</HI> Whether it be mo&s;t lavvful to lie vvith a mans <HI>maid,</HI> his <HI>nur&s;e,</HI> or his ovvn <HI>wife,</HI> in <HI>Gander-mouth?</HI> Whether any man can cure the <HI>Cut</HI> of his <HI>finger</HI> by thru&s;ting it up a C&mdash;as I&mdash;did? Whe|ther
<PB N="14" REF="8">lying with a <HI>feeble husband,</HI> or a <HI>&s;touti&s;tallion,</HI> cures a <HI>womans melancholy?</HI> Whether <HI>Midwifes</HI> get mo&s;t by <HI>mens</HI> or <HI>womens tayls?</HI> Whether the taking a <HI>touch</HI> before hand, is not a &s;ure way to try each others abilityes? Whether the <HI>Earl</HI> of <HI>Manche&s;ters Colours,</HI> or tho&s;e of <HI>Cripple-gate,</HI> are mo&s;t commendable? Whe|ther any man ever look't through a <HI>womb per&s;pective-in&s;trument?</HI> Whether any man can be a <HI>Cuckold</HI> in his own conceit, &s;o &s;oon as another? And whether any man would give his Con&s;ent, though he were hang'd for't? Whether <HI>Ho&s;iers, Button-makers,</HI> and <HI>Tooth|drawers,</HI> are not more apt to be <HI>Cuckolds-all-a row</HI> then others? Whether <HI>Irommongers</HI> may not play ar <HI>Tick|tack</HI> in a <HI>baudy-hou&s;e,</HI> as well as others? Whether two <HI>Cocks</HI> to one <HI>Hen</HI> are not odds? Whether handling the <HI>Souldjers odds,</HI> or &s;litting of <HI>beans</HI> in <HI>Cheap&s;ide-market</HI> is mo&s;t profitable? Whether it be lawful for a man to pinch, kick and beat his wife without a cau&s;e? And la&s;t of all <HI>Whelp</HI> and <HI>Bacon,</HI> Whether <HI>Heydon</HI> the <HI>Univer&s;al Mountebank,</HI> did &s;tudy <HI>Arts</HI> and <HI>Sciences</HI> in <HI>Jacobs</HI>-well-<HI>Colledge</HI> in <HI>White chappel during his cornuting?</HI> why thou <HI>Villain,</HI> did'&s;t thou do't, or let ano|ther to work? I'le erect a figure for't, and finde thee out; the &s;ign is in <HI>Aries</HI> or <HI>Taurus,</HI> Im'e &s;ure on't by the itching of the nape of my neck, which makes me &s;cratch where it does not itch, yet I'le turn and return to my <HI>Ladies,</HI> craving leave &s;o &s;ub&s;cribe my &s;elf their</P>
<CLOSER><SIGNED><HI>Unvanqui&s;hed Champion</HI> Eugenius Theodidactus, <HI>cum multis aliis.</HI></SIGNED></CLOSER>
<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
<PB REF="7">
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