<!DOCTYPE ETS PUBLIC "-//UMDLPS//DTD EEBOPROOF 2.0//EN">
<ETS>
<TEMPHEAD>
<REVDESCR>
<CHANGE>
<DATE>2011-10-25</DATE>
<RESPSTMT>
<NAME>Olivia Bottum</NAME>
<RESP>MURP</RESP>
</RESPSTMT>
<ITEM>Did text and markup review.</ITEM>
</CHANGE>
</REVDESCR>
</TEMPHEAD>
<EEBO>
<IDG S="marc" R="UM" ID="A29353">
<STC T="W">B4431</STC>
<STC T="C">R30248</STC>
<BIBNO T="oclc">11275534</BIBNO>
<VID>47244</VID>
</IDG>
<TEXT LANG="eng">
<FRONT>
<DIV1 TYPE="title page">
<PB REF="1">
<PB REF="1" MS="y">
<P>The merry Je&s;ts of SMUG the SMITH, <HI>Or the Life and Death of the Merry</HI> DIVEL of EDMONTON.</P>
<P>With the plea&s;ant pranks of <HI>Smug</HI> the Smith, Sir <HI>John,</HI> and mine Ho&s;t of the <HI>George,</HI> about the &s;tealing of Veni&s;on.</P>
<P>Whereunto is added Mr Peter's Fables. And Smugs Gho&s;t.</P>
<P>By <HI>T. Brewer</HI> Gent.</P>
<P><FIGURE>
<P>Sir John. Mine Ho&s;t of the George.</P>
<P>Smug pur&s;u'd by the Keepers for &s;tealing of Veni&s;on got upon the White Hor&s;e to e&s;cape his catching.</P>
</FIGURE></P>
<P>London Printed for <HI>Francis Coles</HI> dwelling in the Old-Bayley. 1657.</P>
</DIV1>
</FRONT>
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="text">
<PB REF="2" MS="y">
<PB REF="2">
<HEAD>The Induction, with a De&s;cription of Ma&s;ter PETER FABELL.</HEAD>
<P>MA&s;ter <HI>Peter Fabell,</HI> otherwi&s;e called the merry Divell of <HI>Edmonton</HI> (for the many excellent je&s;ts he did) was a man of good de&s;cent: and a man, either for his gifts external, or internall, inferior to few: for his per&s;on he was ab&s;olute; <HI>Na|ture</HI> had never &s;hown the fulne&s;&s;e of her skill, more in any then in him: for the other, I mean his great learning (including many Mi&s;teries) he was as amply ble&s;t as any.</P>
<P>Very plea&s;ant, kind, and free-hearted was he&punc; to, or with his familiars: very affable and courteous to &s;trangers, and very li|berall, full of comi&s;eration and pitty to the poore and n&eacute;edy: both abroad from his Pur&s;e, and at home from his Table. In his time very well known to him, and &s;ometime (in pa&s;time) very familiar with him were the&s;e men: <HI>Oliver Smug,</HI> Sir <HI>Iohn</HI> the merry Par&s;on, <HI>Banks</HI> the Miller, and mine Ho&s;t of the <HI>George,</HI> in who&s;e companies many times for recreation he would &s;pend &s;ome hours. In <HI>Edmonton</HI> he was born, lived and died in the Raigne of King <HI>Henry</HI> th<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> 7.</P>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Ma&s;ter Peter deceived the Divell with a Candles end.</HEAD>
<P>AT the fir&s;t entrance of M. <HI>Peter</HI> into the Art of <HI>Magick,</HI> by charms, &s;pels, and incantations, he rai&s;ed a Spirit, and with the Spirit concluded, that if he would be obedient to him, &s;erve, help, and further hime at &s;uch times, and in &s;uch things as he &s;hould command, his &s;oul &s;hould be his reward. This Fire-Brand of Hell (with great &s;ign of rejoycing) yeelded and &s;er|ved him him (as his &s;lave or va&s;&s;ale) with very great diligence in many matters and imployments. When this officious &s;ervant thought he had b&eacute;en at his command long enough (for no terme or time was &s;et at the contract) he demanded his commanders &s;oule, as the reward of his pains. Why, (&s;aid Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI>
<PB REF="3"> I have made thee a promi&s;e thou &s;hould&s;t have it, and thou &s;halt have it, but not yet: when it hath left my body (by my death) take it to th&eacute;e, till then thou maye&s;t not have it, &s;o re&s;t th&eacute;e contented. The Spirit began to threaten, and terrifie him to make him &s;et a time of payment for his plea&s;ure: and &s;o affrighted him, that he knew not what or how to an&s;wer him. Come (quoth y^e Divel) be briefe, for Lucifer every minute looks for that &s;oule of thine. Is there no remedy (quoth Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> wilt thou allow me no time to &s;et my bu&s;ine&s;s in order, and take my leave of my friends ere I go? allow me &s;ome &s;mall time for that, and do thy will. Why how long time (qd. the Divell? de&s;ire&s;t thou I &s;hould allow thee? why I faith (quoth Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> no long time: &s;pare me but till this inch-long end of candle (pointing to the candle burning in his &s;tudy) and take my &s;oule. Well (quoth the Divell) though by my charge I can hardly &s;tay a minute, Ile &s;tay &s;o long: about it pre&s;ently. If I neglect or ore&s;lip my time (qd. Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> take thou the advantage of it: yet one reque&s;t more thou mu&s;t grant me. What is that (qd. y^e Divel) marry this (qd, Ma&s;ter <HI>Pater)</HI> to confirm thy promi&s;e with an oath: I am very loth to tru&s;t th&eacute;e on thy bare word, for all the world reputes th&eacute;e but a knave: there|fore come &s;wear to forbear me till this candle is burned. By hell I will (quoth the Divel) and by great <HI>Lucifer,</HI> as I hope to draw down thou&s;and &s;ouls to the d&eacute;ep <HI>Abi&s;&s;e</HI> (the place of my abode) I will forbear th&eacute;e till this candle is burned. Then Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter,</HI> pre&s;ently after his helli&s;h proti&s;ttation, put y^e canle out, and into his pocket: look here (quoth he) till this is burnt, thou maye<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">t not claime my &s;oule: Ile k&eacute;ep this &s;afe enough. Goe I command th&eacute;e, and tell thy proud Lord <HI>Lucifer,</HI> how finely I have over|reached th&eacute;e.</P>
<P>When the Divel &s;aw he was &s;o cunningly deceived by Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter,</HI> with many bitter execrations he left him.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Ma&s;ter Peter deceived the Divel again.</HEAD>
<P>NOt long after the Divel had b&eacute;en deceived by the merry Divel Wa&s;ter <HI>Peter Fabel,</HI> he went again to him, and find|ing him a &s;l&eacute;ep took the end of the candle (before &s;poken of) out of his pocket, and awaked him: when he had &s;o done, he &s;hewed him the end of his candle.</P>
<PB REF="3">
<P> Look here (&s;aid he) here is this that thou kept&s;t to k&eacute;ep me from my right (thy &s;oule I mean) when this is burnt, thy &s;oule mu&s;t burn with mine: Ile quickly burn it now Ile warrant th&eacute;e.</P>
<P>When Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> &s;aw he had lo&s;t his candle (upon the lo&s;s of which lay the lo&s;&s;e of his &s;oul, if his policy had not helped him out) he intreated him to &s;pare him a little longer.</P>
<P>No, no (&s;aid the Divel) all intreats are vain, thou ha&s;t decei|ved me once, thou &s;halt deceive me no more. Tis a good world when men are &s;o cunning in deceit, as to deceive the Divel: but it is no matter, thou art &s;o much the readier for me.</P>
<P>Yet here me &s;peak (quoth Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> as thou like&s;t my &s;p&eacute;ech &s;o deale with me.</P>
<P>Well, be brief then (quoth the Divell) what ha&s;t thou now to &s;ay?</P>
<P>No more but this (qd. Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> if thou wilt &s;pare till my timely death put that thou &s;&eacute;eke&s;t into thy hands, Ile labour all the time I have to live for hells advantage: Ile bear more &s;oules along with me to hell then twenty of your cunning Divels &s;hall.</P>
<P>Shall I once more tru&s;t th&eacute;e (quoth the Divel) on thy word? well, &s;wear, why (&s;aid Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> by the black river <HI>Lu|cifer</HI> thy Lord &s;wears by I &s;wear I will: and when I am buri|ed, either within the Church, without the Church, in the Church-porch, Church-yard &s;tr&eacute;et, field, or high way take thou my &s;oule.</P>
<P>Well (qd, the Divel) in hope thou wilt gain me many &s;oules to thine, take thy re&s;t, and &s;o he left him.</P>
<P>Many years after, when Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter Fabel</HI> by his whte hairs weakne&s;&s;e, aches, and &s;uch like &s;igns, perceived he could not live long: he went and digd his deathbed in the Churchwall, and there re&s;ted day and night heartily praying &amp; repenting him of all the evell he had committed.</P>
<P>When the hour was well nigh come, that &s;hould &s;eparate his &s;oule and body, the Divell went to him again and blam<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">d him for neglecting his bu&s;ine&s;&s;e by promi&s;e, and withal told him y^t he wa<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> come for his &s;oule. Wh<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">n Mr. <HI>Peter</HI> heard that word he pre|&s;ently &s;tarted up, and charged him to depart, my &s;oul (&s;aid he) y^u come&s;t too &s;oon&punc; and yet too late to have it, he that red&eacute;emed my &s;oul hath took't to k&eacute;ep, thou can&s;t not have it.</P>
<P>Did&s;t thou not &s;wear qd. the Fiend, that I &s;hould have <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word">
<PB REF="4"> &s;oule at the hower of death? thou did&s;t, and I will have it. I (&s;aid M<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> when I am buried either within the Church, without the Church, in the Church-porch, Church-yard, &s;tr&eacute;et, field, or high way, take thou my &s;oule.</P>
<P>S&eacute;e fooli&s;h fiend thou art deceived again, this hole is my grave, if this be either within the Church, without the Church, in the Church-porch, Church-yard, &s;tr&eacute;et, field, or high-way, my &s;oule is thine: thou &s;&eacute;e&s;t it is not, therefore I charge th&eacute;e (&s;o deceived) depart. Still the Divell was eager on him for his &s;oule till at la&s;t by his earne&s;t prayers and zealous Invocations, he for'&s;t him to run ro<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ring to hell again wthout it.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Ma&s;ter Peter Fabell puni&s;hed a Fryer and his Lemon for their knavery.</HEAD>
<P>MA&s;ter <HI>Peter Fabell</HI> one morning very early, walking in the fields (as his cu&s;tome was, to meditate by him&s;elf) &s;pied a Fryer at prayers upon his beads very devoutly: when <HI>Mr. Pe|ter</HI> &s;aw him &s;o earne&s;t in his prayers, he went to him, &amp; demand|ed him what his rea&s;on was, that his chamber would not &s;erve for his prayers, as well as that place. Oh! Sir (&s;aid the Frier) all places are alike to me for this bu&s;ine&s;&s;e, and all times, for I pray when the prick of con&s;cience comes upon me, in what place, or at what time &s;oever. I commend th&eacute;e much (qd Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> thou art an hone&s;t fellow, and &s;o for that time they parted.</P>
<P>The next morning Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> went again: and again found the Fryer in the place where he left him y^t morning before, &s;o de|voutly praying, but not at the holy exerci&s;e, y^e &s;pirit did not move him unle&s;&s;e the evill &s;pirit moved him, for in&s;tead of his book and beads, he had got a wench and &s;at colling her &s;o clo&s;e, and ki&s;&s;ing her &s;o thick, ki&s;&s;e upon ki&s;&s;e, that &s;he could hardly fetch her wind for him. A good while &s;tood Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> behind a hollow tr&eacute;e un|&s;&eacute;en, &s;&eacute;eing them trick and toy together, at la&s;t to fright them from their venery, he went into the tr&eacute;e, and with a heavy hollow voice, cryed out to the Frier in this manner: Frier, Frier, Frier, the Frier hearing a voice, pre&s;ently &s;tarted up, &amp; looked round a|bout him to &s;&eacute;e if he could find the Ma&s;ter of that tongue that ca|led him: but in vain he &s;tood looking, for he &s;tood farre enough from his eye, though he were clo&s;e to his ear. When the Frier had &s;tood a good while looking about him, fir&s;t on the one
<PB REF="4"> &s;ide, then on the other, and could &s;py no body, like a kind lecherous bald-pats, very han&s;omely, or rather very knavi&s;hly, he went to his wench again. He was no &s;ooner laid down, but M<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> the &s;econd time cryed out (to di&s;turbe him) Frier, Frier, Frier. At the &s;econd call the Frer halfe affrighted &s;tarted up againe, and lookt about him (a tip toe) to &s;&eacute;e if he could finde a body to that voice but he found none.</P>
<P>Now our Lady defend us (quoth the Frier to his wench) what voice is this that calls me &s;o oft? Did&s;t thou not hear it? yes faith &s;w&eacute;eting (quoth &s;he) I heard &s;ome body call to th&eacute;e: can&s;t thou not &s;&eacute;e him?</P>
<P>No faith chuck (quoth the Frier) I can &s;&eacute;e no man: and yet &s;urely this voice is the voice of a man. But it is no matter, let it be what it will if we cannot &s;&eacute;e it, &s;ure we cannot f&eacute;ele it. Come chuck let's bu&s;s and be merry, be of good comfort and cro&s;s thy &s;elf, &amp; I warrant th&eacute;e &s;afe for a farthing, down lay old bald-pate again: but before he could give her three ki&s;&s;es, the voice rai&s;ed him the third time, crying as before, Frier, Frier, Frier. Th<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">n the Friers face began to bewray his fear: he had no more colour in his face at that time, (though at all other times he had colour enough) then one of the&s;e fine whay-fac'd Oate-meale eaters, or a wench troubled with the gr&eacute;en &s;ickne&s;&s;e.</P>
<P>Frier, Frier, Frier, (&s;aid Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> (&s;till k&eacute;eping him|&s;elf clo&s;e in the hollow tr&eacute;e) he that &s;&eacute;es th&eacute;e now, un&s;&eacute;en of th&eacute;e, &s;&eacute;es at all times, in all places, and all the&s;e thy actions.</P>
<P>Here ye&s;terday I &s;aw th&eacute;e at thy prayers very devoutly, with thy book and heads, is this the book thou bringe&s;t to pray on now? doth the prick of con&s;cience move th&eacute;e to do this? &s;peak thou black &s;inner. There thou ha&s;t red thy damnation without pre&s;ent repentance and penance. Therefore pre&s;ently both of you if you re&s;pect more y^e good of your &s;ouls, then of your bodies, by the pen|nance I &s;hall appoint you purge your &s;elves: when the Frier &amp; his wench heard the&s;e words, they were verily per&s;waded in their minds that it was the voice of an Angel, they both kn&eacute;eled down very reverently together, and &s;aid&punc; thy will be done: appoint our pennance, and we are ready (wi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">h all willingne&s;&s;e) to endure it. Then (&s;aid Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> you both &s;hall pre&s;ently be whipt from this place (the place where you offended) into the Town and a|bout
<PB REF="5"> the Town. This &s;uffer &amp; de&s;ire you to be done by the next man comes n&eacute;er you, and this &s;in is forgiven you, refu&s;e this and de&s;paring dye dam'd wretches.</P>
<P>This or what el&s;e it &s;hall plea&s;e th&eacute;e to inflict or lay upon us, for this &s;inne (quoth the Frier) we will patiently &s;uffer.</P>
<P>Then Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> pre&s;ently &s;tept out of the hollow tr&eacute;e, and went (very cunningly) round about the back &s;ide of a hedge, and came directly upon them, as if he had meant to pa&s;&s;e by them.</P>
<P>As &s;oon as ever they &s;aw him, they verily humbly on their kn&eacute;es told him how that in a place they had offended, and for that offence they were by the voyce of an Angell, commanded to take pre&s;ent pennance, or their &s;ouls could not be &s;av'd.</P>
<P>And what (&s;aid ma&s;ter Peter) is the pennance ommanded.</P>
<P>Marry this (&s;aid the Frier,) to be whipt by the next man came n&eacute;er us, from this place (the place where we offended) to the town, and about the town, and this &s;in &s;hould be forgiven us. If we refu&s;e this (this was our heavy &s;entence) to live in di&s;pair and die dam'd wretches.</P>
<P>This therefore is our reque&s;t &s;ir (you being the man by y^e An|gell appointed) that you would perform your part appointed, while we (very patiently) bear the reward of our wickedne&s;&s;e.</P>
<P>Well (qd. Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> though I am loath to plea the Beadle, Ile do thy reque&s;t, you &s;hall not be damd for want of a whipping.</P>
<P>To be &s;hort, Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> tyed the right hand of the Frier, and the left hand of his wench together, and having &s;o done (with a &s;ound &s;marting rod of willow) Ierkt them to the Town before him.</P>
<P>There in the view of all the people, he la&s;ht them from one end of the Town to the other, telling them at every &s;econd or third &s;tripe of the hainou&s;ne&s;&s;e of their fault. When he had thus &s;ound|ly whipt, the lecherous bald-pate, and his Lemman, with mo&s;t pitti<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ull bloody backs, he left them, and loo&s;ing their hands, he ga<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e the Frier this caveat.</P>
<L>Take heed good Frier, of Venus fire,</L>
<L>You &s;ee the hire, of foule d<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&s;ire.</L>
<P>And &s;o farewell, I have done your reque&s;t, if at any time you have occa&s;ion to u&s;e me, in &s;uch a piece of &s;ervice, command me.
<PB REF="5"> Away went he very hartily laughing, and the Frier and his wench very heavily w&eacute;eping.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug won a wager of Ma&s;ter Peter Fabell by a trick that he did.</HEAD>
<P>AS on a day Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter Fabell,</HI> (an excellent Schollar and well &s;&eacute;en in the Art of Magick) was conferring with certain of his friends about certain bu&s;ine&s;s and imployments, <HI>Smug</HI> being in the hearing of them, betw&eacute;en drunk and &s;ober (for he had b&eacute;en plying the Pitcher in Ma&s;ter <HI>Peters</HI> &s;ellar) ran nodding in among&s;t them; and the very fir&s;t word he &s;pake to them was how do you my Ma&s;ters. They being in very &s;erious talke, un|willing to be di&s;turbed with his fooli&s;h babling, with very faire words, reque&s;ted him to leave them a little, and within halfe an houre (or &s;uch a thing) they would give him the hearing of that which he had to &s;ay to them. But he like an importunate begger then he would not leave them till he had &s;poke his mind to Mr. <HI>Peter.</HI></P>
<P>When they &s;aw there was no remedy, but he would have his will, come (&s;aid Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> hone&s;t <HI>Oliver</HI> be briefe, utter thy ignorance roundly, what ha&s;t thou to &s;ay to me mow? Marry qd. <HI>Smug,</HI> Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter,</HI> I hear &s;ay you are a very cunning Gentle|man, and that you have done as many fine tricks &amp; feats in your time as ere a Iugler in Europe has done, what will you &s;ay now if a plain fellow, a hard-handed labourer, a poore leatherne-apron|wearer, do &s;uch a cunning trick, as you Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter,</HI> with the helpe of all your great gogle-eyde, bottle-no&s;&punc;d, blobber-lipt, blad|der-ch&eacute;ekt, b&eacute;etle-browed, ex-headed dete&s;table Divels cannot do the like. Why ho<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e&s;t <HI>Smug</HI> quoth Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter,</HI> who or where is he that will do this? Marry (qd. <HI>Smug)</HI> I am he. Art thou he quoth Ma&s;ter <HI>P<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ter?</HI> Who would think thou had&s;t &s;uch tricks in thy budget? Pr<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">t&eacute;e <HI>Smug</HI> tell me, do&s;t not thou (as thou &s;aye&s;t I doe) u<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e the helpe of &s;ome infernall? ha&s;t thou no Divell in thy trick? come tell me: Divell quoth <HI>Smug,</HI> marry God ble&s;&s;e me Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter,</HI> I cannot indure to look upon tho&s;e filthy foule-mouthed fire-&s;pitters, no Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter.</HI> What I do I will doe of my extraordinary wit and invention. Well lets hear quoth Mr. <HI>Peter,</HI> wh<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">t is it you will do? Marry this Ile doe quoth <HI>Smug,</HI>
<PB REF="6"> Ile &s;et a candle burning in the mid&s;t of this roome where we all are, open and ea&s;ie to be &s;&eacute;en as my han<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">: this <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> M, <HI>Togood</HI> &s;hall &s;ee, Ma&s;ter <HI>Dauby,</HI> Ma&s;ter <HI>Dauty,</HI> Mi&s;tris <HI>Friskin,</HI> and my man <HI>Ralph,</HI> here yet you &s;hall not &s;&eacute;e it, ma&s;&s;e <HI>Smug</HI> (qd. Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> if thou can&s;t do &s;uch a <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ck, th<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> put'&s;t me down ind&eacute;ed. Come begin, let us &s;&eacute;e it done nay fir&s;t (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> let as have a lay upon it, I will not &s;hew my &s;kill for nothing. Agr&eacute;ed (quoth Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter,</HI> what &s;hall the <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ager be? why <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ith (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> you know my mind, for that I lo<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e all<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ies when I make a wager, rather to have it in <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">en dry, for you know Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter</HI> I am dry my &s;elf, and ye &s;ay the word, the wa|ger &s;hall be a dozen of double Ale, you know I am merry <HI>Smug,</HI> and merry <HI>Smug</HI> mu&s;t have his merry goe down, or el&s;e he is no body. Well I agr&eacute;e (qd. Ma&s;ter <HI>Peter)</HI> here is my hand, if thou perform what thou ha&s;t &s;aid, Ile loo&s;e, and Ile pay it. Then <HI>Smug</HI> cal'd for a candle and candle&s;tick, which when he had placed M. <HI>Peter</HI> in the middle of the roome, and &s;et the candle&s;tick with the candle burning upon his head: now M. <HI>Peter</HI> &s;aid he doe you &s;&eacute;e this candle: why no (qd. M. <HI>Peter)</HI> how &s;hould I &s;&eacute;e it? is it po&s;|&s;ible for a man to &s;&eacute;e the crown of his head? you cannot &s;&eacute;e it then quoth <HI>Smug,</HI> no I cannot &s;&eacute;e it &s;aid he.</P>
<P>Then <HI>Smug</HI> demanded of the re&s;t, before named, whether they did fee it or no, they all an&s;wered I, asking how they &s;hould chu&s;e but &s;ee it, and yet you cannot &s;ee it, they &s;ay they cannot chu&s;e but &s;ee, and yet you &s;ay it is impo&s;&s;ible for you to &s;ee it.</P>
<P>Come Mr. <HI>Peter,</HI> you know what you have lo&s;t? if there had been a Kingdom laid on it, when Mr. <HI>Peter</HI> &s;aw how pret|tily <HI>Smug</HI> had overreached him, he &s;miling &s;ent for his lo&s;&s;es, and in pa&s;time made <HI>Smug</HI> take his well won liquor &s;o &s;oundly, that he lay by the walls that night.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug when he was made drunk, would needs go to fight with the &s;hadow of a &s;word and Buckler.</HEAD>
<P><HI>SMug</HI> one day being angred among a company of true drunk|ard<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> like him&s;elf, came cha&s;ing out of the Alehou&s;e, like a mad man, as you know drunkards and mad men are not much unlike, vowing to be revenged, or he would never drink draught of
<PB REF="6"> good drink again, as long as he had a day to live, &amp; &s;o cha&s;ing r&eacute;el|ing homeward, as fa&s;t as his legs would give him leave.</P>
<P>This r&eacute;eling infirmity threw poor <HI>Smug</HI> from po&s;t to po&s;t, and from wall to wall, here he knockt his face again&s;t one &s;tock, there again&s;t another, till half the wild blood in his body was run out at his no&s;e.</P>
<P>Still on he <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">aggered, till he came to a &s;eat neer his home under a &s;ign of the &s;word and buckler: where he &s;ate a while to re&s;t him, and as he &s;ate like an hone&s;t man carefull to k&eacute;ep both ends to|gether, ca&s;t vp, as n&eacute;ere as he could without either <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">en or coun|ters, what he had received in the day before.</P>
<P>But all his ca&s;ting could not ca&s;t the remembrance of his quar|rell out of his mind: for &s;till be &s;ate railing again&s;t his <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ot-com|panions mo&s;t grievou&s;ly, calling <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">hem Scound<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">els, &s;cabs, &s;laves, Knaves, and perpetually damb'd or drunken Rogues.</P>
<P>As he &s;at thus, fretting and cha&s;ing vowing to be revenged, &s;pyed, as he &s;hought the in&s;truments of revenge lying before him: for it was a faire Moon-&s;hine night, and the &s;hadow of the &s;<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="3 letters">e he &s;afe under, &s;&eacute;em to him to <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e no lo&s;&s;e then that it came off, the very &s;word and buckler that h<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ng over his head, un&s;&eacute;en or un|thought off.</P>
<P>Now you Rogues and Raggamuffins (qd. <HI>Smug)</HI> Ile tickle y'faith, Ile <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">'ne make no more adde but take up my tooles and to them again, by <HI>Pharaoh,</HI> by thi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> <HI>Sunne</HI> that &s;hines &s;aies he (and looked up to the M<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">n) Ile kill them all, though every one of them had as many lives as a Cat: pre&s;ently keeping to take up his &s;up|po&s;ed &s;word and buckler, he fell flat on the ground (for his head was &s;o h<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">avy, that when he ad put it downwards, he could not rai&s;e it up again for his life.) There lay he &s;prawling and grope|ing about to get his &s;word and buckler into his hands, &s;o long that he fell <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">&s;t a <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word">, and waked not till morning, he was fetch|ed home by a couple of his hone&s;t neighbours.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<PB REF="7">
<HEAD>How Smug laid a wager with certaine Shoomakers that he was a Shoomaker, proved it, and wone the wager.</HEAD>
<P>THr&eacute;e or foure hone&s;t good fellows of the gentle craft, travel|ling together with Sir <HI>HUGHES</HI> bones at their backs to get work, pa&s;&s;ing through <HI>EDMONTON,</HI> went to an Ale-hou&s;e the next doore to <HI>Oliver Smugs,</HI> to drink, where when they had &s;it|ten a quarter of an houre, or there abouts, drinking healths, very kindly and courteou&s;ly, one to another, and to all good fellows of their crafts and acquaintance, to make them&s;elves merry, they &s;ung a &s;ong in thr&eacute;e parts very orderly and well.</P>
<P><HI>Smu<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"></HI> (as he was at his work) hearing them &s;ing &s;o merrily, pre&s;ently left his work and went to them again, bearing in either hand a full can of the be&s;t liquor.</P>
<P>Here my old Lads of mettle (quoth he) here's to you, and to all good fellow Shoomakers in Europe, of which number (for want of a better) I my &s;elf make one.</P>
<P>Why &s;ir (quoth one of them) are you one of the gentle craft? faith quoth <HI>Smug</HI> I am as I tell you, and hone&s;t good fellow, and a Shoo-maker, and for the love I bear to all kind Shooe-makers, I have made thus bold to come and drink with you.</P>
<P>They all very courteou&s;ly welcomed him into their company, and made him <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">it down among&s;t them.</P>
<P>When they had &s;itten a good while together drinking &amp; &s;ing|ing very merrily, one being a mad wag among&s;t them (above all the re&s;t) &s;u&s;pecting <HI>Smug</HI> to be (as he was ind&eacute;ed) a Smith; look|ed very earne&s;tly upon him, and about him to finde &s;omething a|bout him that might truly tell him whether he was as he &s;aid he was yea or no.</P>
<P>At la&s;t prying very narrowly, he &s;pyed his hammer hanging underneath his Apron, in a great round bra&s;&s;e ring.</P>
<P>Then halfe angry with <HI>Smug,</HI> becau&s;e he told him he was a Shoomaker and was not, he began to je&s;t, &s;lout and &s;coffe at him, &s;hewing to the re&s;t of his fellowes and companions the hammer that hung under his apron.</P>
<P>Why (&s;aid another of them) my hone&s;t friend, came you he|ther to &s;lout us? wherefore have you told us you are that you are
<PB REF="7"> not? Why (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> what did I tell you I was? why (quoth he) you did tell us you were as we are, a Shoomaker I did ind&eacute;ed (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> I told you &s;o, and again I tell you &s;o, and will make good my word upon a wager with the be&s;t of you all, agr&eacute;ed (quoth one) what &s;hall the wager be?</P>
<P>Why yfaith (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> I think you doe intend to travell no farther then this town to night, and you &s;ay the word, the wager &s;hall be a &s;hot of &s;ixe &s;hillings to be &s;pent in &s;hear drink: what &s;ay you &s;irs, are you contented with it? if you be, &s;trike hands and a match.</P>
<P>A match &s;aid they) I know &s;aid one of them you are a Town&s;|man, and therefore we &s;hall not need to go far for a touch-&s;tone to try you.</P>
<P>Pre&s;ently came a Serving-man into the Ale-hou&s;e to <HI>Smug,</HI> and de&s;ired him for Gods &s;ake to give over his drinking and to go to work, for his Ma&s;ters Hor&s;e &s;taid for &s;hooes: what doe you now think my Ma&s;ters (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> you &s;&eacute;e I now am &s;ent for, and mu&s;t go pre&s;ently to put on a paire of &s;hooes, will you yeild you have lo&s;t? why look you here then my bullies, here's a &s;hooe, pulling a Hor&s;e&s;hooe out of his pocket, of his own making, what &s;ay you now? am I a Shooe-maker yea or no? A Shoo-maker (qd. one of them) here is a &s;hooe in deed but it is a Hor&s;e&s;hooe, nay (qd. <HI>Smug)</HI> Ile prove it to be &s;hooe &amp; no Hor&s;e &s;hooe, for I made it for <HI>Mo&s;&s;e</HI> his Mare of <HI>Endfield,</HI> but be it mares or Hor&s;es &s;hooe a &s;hoo it is, &amp; I the maker, <HI>Ergo</HI> I am a Shoomaker becau&s;e I made it.</P>
<P>Therefore come, deliver your pur&s;es of a five &s;hillings p&eacute;ece, or &s;o many &s;mall pieces as amounts to &s;o much, &amp; let us &s;tand clo&s;e to our liquor for I think long till I f&eacute;e it.</P>
<P>The Shoomakers for all this would not y&eacute;eld they had lo&s;t, but would n&eacute;eds have him into the Town for further tryall: But all gave judgement on <HI>Smugs</HI> &s;ide, that he was a Shooemaker, &amp; had wone the wager. Then the &s;hoomakers when they &s;aw there was no remedy, turned back with <HI>Smug</HI> to their old ho&s;te&s;&s;e, and paid their lo&s;&s;es, with the lo&s;&s;e of their wits for that night.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How merrily Smug an&s;wered one that gave him good coun&s;ell.</HEAD>
<P>SMug one day being &s;et in the mid&s;t of his merry <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> &s;wag|gerting and &s;willing very quick in c<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">r<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ling &amp; <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">lling in for
<PB REF="8"> more as if he had <HI>Fortunatus</HI> his pur&s;e in his pocket, was by an hone&s;t well governed man, that &s;ate by, (and noted his humour) &s;harply reproved, and after reprehen&s;ion, kindl yadmoni&s;ht him with the&s;e en&s;uing ver&s;es,</P>
<L><HI>It thou the name of Husband good would&s;t have,</HI></L>
<L><HI>Then toyle to get, and getting, getting &s;ave:</HI></L>
<L><HI>For he his gettings cannot wi&s;ely keep;</HI></L>
<L><HI>Shall wake with care, when &s;avours &s;oundly &s;leepe.</HI></L>
<L>To which <HI>Smug</HI> merrily, and very readily made this an&s;wer,</L>
<L><HI>Alas good &s;ir, good husbands name,</HI></L>
<L><HI>My Dad nere had before me:</HI></L>
<L><HI>For me to ha't then, t'were a &s;hame,</HI></L>
<L><HI>As long as Kate will &s;corne me.</HI></L>
<L><HI>(As Par&s;on plie-po<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">, coun&s;els here)</HI></L>
<L><HI>Ile freely take my liquer,</HI></L>
<L><HI>It makes good bloud, the fight more cleare,</HI></L>
<L><HI>And dull wit gr<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">w quicker.</HI></L>
<P>And &s;o fell to his liquor again, till (contrary to his merry an|&s;wer) it made his quick wit grow duller: for within one half hour or more, he had not one wi&s;e word to &s;pare, though he might have had a Kings ran&s;ome for it.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug was frighted by the Nuns of Che&s;tone, thinking them to be Spirits, and how after|ward he frighted them by his &s;ud|dain appearance.</HEAD>
<P><HI>SMug</HI> on a time, as he was &s;tealing Veni&s;on, hearing the K&eacute;e|per in the Park, got up into a tr&eacute;e, to k&eacute;ep out of &s;ight till he were pa&s;t by him which he did: &s;caping the K&eacute;epers eye, and &s;o con&s;equently his hand, very han&s;omely. But &s;itting there a little while, prying and p&eacute;eping betw&eacute;en the branches (like an O<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">le in an I<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">y bu&s;h) to &s;&eacute;e, if the coa&s;t were cleare, he &s;pied the Mother Nun of <HI>Che&s;tone,</HI> with thr&eacute;e or foure young ones (attired in white long robes, with railes and ti<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">its, as they u&s;ed to weare) coming towards him with a little bell rung before them, &s;prink|ling holy-water, and praying upon their beads very devoutly:
<PB REF="8"> withall the circum&s;tances of that ceremony they u&s;ed when they received a &s;i&s;ter into that holy order.</P>
<P>The very &s;ight of the&s;e holy creatures, made <HI>Smug</HI> quiver, quake and &s;hake like the leaves of the tr&eacute;e he &s;ate upon, for he thought verily that they had been <HI>Spirits Furies, Fiends,</HI> or <HI>Hob|goblins,</HI> that came thither a purpo&s;e to carry him away for &s;teal|ing of <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> but they (poor &s;ouls) ment no more harm to him, then <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e to them, but pa&s;t by, not ca&s;ting &s;o much as a look upon him.</P>
<P>When they were p<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&s;t him, his heart (that till then was as hea|vy us a <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 span"> <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">aind &s;pittle-mans) was as light as a <HI>Mor|<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">is Dancers:</HI> And very lightly from knot to knot) got he from the top of the tr&eacute;e, thinking to have runne to his fellows that &s;tayed for him: but by that time he was gotten from the bowes to the root, the Ni<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="3 letters"> was turned back again upon him.</P>
<P>When he &s;aw there was no way to get from them, &s;uddainly he &s;tept right before them and upon his kn&eacute;es with a <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">retcht throat (like an <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> bawling Broom-man) de&s;ired them for Gods &s;ake not to hurt him, and he would never walk &s;o late a D&eacute;er-&s;tealing again while he lived and &s;till he yawled and bawled (with his hands cla&s;pt together in very pittifull manner, as though he would have rent his wind-pipe.</P>
<P>The good old Nun, &s;o &s;uddenly encountred, by &s;uch a roaring raggamuffin, knew not what to do, but ran as f<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">&s;t from him as ere &s;he could and all her young ones after the Dam, &s;he run not &s;o fa&s;t one way to leave him, but he run as fa&s;t another way to leave her, and to find out his fellows. When he had found them, he told them (in boa&s;ting manner, how he met with a company of Spirits in the Park, and they dur&s;t not abide the &s;ight of him. Therefore be of good chear my Ma&s;ters (&s;aid be) if &s;pirits be af|fraid to look upon me, and run &s;o fa&s;t from me, I hope the &s;neak|ing K&eacute;eper dares not abide my fury, and &s;o they pa&s;t on againe to their thieving pa&s;time.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<PB REF="9">
<HEAD>How Smug pre&s;uming upon his courage, after his exploit, (frighting the&s;e &s;uppo&s;ed sp<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">rits) would needs go the next evening again a Deere-&s;tealing: and how deare <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> he paid for it.</HEAD>
<P>THe next evening <HI>Smug</HI> and his fellows went again a D&eacute;er|&s;tealing, but it was a dear D&eacute;er&s;tealing to him &amp; the re&s;t of his companions for they has not b&eacute;en in the Pack above a quarter of an houre privily peaking about for their prey, but they &s;pyed the K&eacute;eper well weaponed with his great ma&s;tive dog at his h&eacute;eles. Now out alas &s;aid the Par<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">on, what &s;hall we do my Ma&s;ters? what &s;hall we do? g<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> <HI>Banks</HI> as thou art an hone&s;t Miller, and woulde&s;t have me pray for the forgivene&s;&s;e of toledi&s;h &s;inne, tell me what I &s;hall doe.</P>
<P>Why alas good Sir <HI>Iohn</HI> (quoth the Miller) what &s;hould I tel you, I know neither what to do nor &s;ay for my &s;elfe? what &s;ay|e&s;t thou <HI>Smug,</HI> thou &s;&eacute;e&s;t we are all in danger: I preth&eacute;e good <HI>Oliver,</HI> as thou love&s;t a good fellow, and good fellow&s;hip, as thou love&s;t that, thou knowe&s;t we all love good liquor, give us &s;ome good coun&s;ell, and good <HI>Smug be brief,</HI> for thou &s;&eacute;e&s;t our de&s;tru|ction is at hand.</P>
<P>Why alas my Ma&s;ters &s;aid <HI>Smug,</HI> what would you have me to do? by Vulcan I prote&s;t, I know not what to &s;ay to you: I would I were at my Forge, you good Sir <HI>John,</HI> a &s;leep in the bellfrey, and <HI>Banks</HI> in his Mill, or I would we were all there, that we might be as &s;afe as a thief in a Mill.</P>
<P>As they &s;tood there prating and talking the one to the other, they &s;aw the Keeper coming directly towards them: Oh now <HI>Sumg</HI> (qd. Sir <HI><GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ohn)</HI> &s;tick to us all my tru&s;t is in th&eacute;e, I preth&eacute;e <HI>Smug</HI> &s;hew thy &s;elf as valiant now again&s;t this Keeper, as thou did&s;t a<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ain&s;t the Spirits and Hobgoblins thou mette&s;t here the other night.</P>
<P>If thou bee&s;t remembred thou gave&s;t us words of comfort then and did&s;t did us all be of good cheere and fear nothing, for thou &s;aid&s;t thou would&s;t make the &s;neaking Keeper &s;ly from thee, as fa&s;t as thou made&s;t them &s;lie. Now hone&s;t <HI>Oliver,</HI> be as good as thy word, make them fly &amp; defend us, &amp; I even I, Sir <HI>John</HI> your mad merry Par&s;on, will pray to God for thy health and welfare,
<PB REF="9"> as long as I have a day to drink in: Why content you &s;it <HI>Iohn</HI> (&s;aid <HI>Smug)</HI> Ile &s;&eacute;e what I can do, go you two and lye clo&s;e be|hind that hedge: It I have but as good luck again&s;t this &s;curvy K&eacute;eper this night, as I had again&s;t my little long-taild Hobgob|lins y^e la&s;t night, w&eacute;el no leave the Park, without that we came for. They (as &s;mug told them) went behind the hedge &amp; left him alone to deale with the K&eacute;eper: but alas for all his big looks, and <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">aving worde<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> the K&eacute;eper thwackt him &s;o &s;oundly, that he made him lye &s;p<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">a<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ling on the ground, and &s;o left him.</P>
<P>When the Miller and the Par&s;on (p&eacute;e ping through the hedge) &s;aw the K&eacute;eper gone, &amp; p&oacute;or <HI>Smug</HI> lye in &s;uch a pittiful ca&s;e, they went to him, now alas poore <HI>Smug</HI> (&s;aid Sir <HI>Iohn)</HI> how i&s;t? what chear man? I perceive your <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">utious looks could not fright away the K&eacute;eper, as if did the Spirits you told us of.</P>
<P>Oh &s;ir <HI>Iohn</HI> (&s;aid <HI>Smug)</HI> this K&eacute;eper is a Divell, he hath paid me yfaith, &amp; yet all the&s;e blows grieve me not &s;o much &s;ir <HI>Iohn,</HI> as that you and my neighbour Miller did not &s;tay to take part with me, for you would have had your <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">hare in the Veni&s;on as d&eacute;ep as I and I had thought he had b&eacute;en wo<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">fe to denie withall then Spirits, the Divell &s;hould have dealt with him ere I would have come into his <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="4 letters">ches.</P>
<P><HI>Smug</HI> had no <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> &s;poke this word, but the Keeper was upon them again, and mightily imaged again&s;t them all, gave the Mil|ler and the Par&s;on as much as he had given <HI>Smug,</HI> and &s;ent them all halting home together.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug, was revenged upon a Barber, (his Rivall) that made him ki&s;&s;e his taile.</HEAD>
<P>AS hone&s;t <HI>Smug</HI> loved (as he lo<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ed his life) the &s;ociety of his bearded a<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> defated, &s;o in like manner, loved he &s;ometime to be mad merry, among&s;t a mad company of his bare-chind boone companions, his little wanton Wagtailes: his &s;w&eacute;et and twen|ties: his pretty pinckinyed pigmies, &amp;c. as he him&s;elf u&s;ed com|monly to call them.</P>
<P>Among&s;t all the kind La&s;&s;es he u&s;ed to k&eacute;ep company withall, one (above all) he be&s;t loved, &amp; by that one whom he lov'd (above all) he was lea&s;t loved: for fine <HI>Philip</HI> the Bather had &s;o laboured
<PB REF="10"> in trimming his be&s;t beloved <HI>Barbara</HI> (for &s;o &s;he was called) that he when he came to her was as welcome as water in a Ship bad news to a &s;ore grieved per&s;on or the &s;hadow of a man to the long|ing Mi&s;tris, of a long kept Maiden-head.</P>
<P>To be &s;hort, one evening <HI>Smug</HI> went to &s;&eacute;e his &s;w&eacute;et <HI>Barbara,</HI> but when he was come where he thought to have b&eacute;en very kind|ly welcome, to the hou&s;e of his be&s;t beloved, to his great griefe he found the doors locked, bard, or bolted again&s;t him: &s;he he lookt for look'd not for him, nor any other at that time: For the (as a|ny kind whore will be) was content with one at once, and one &s;he had: The Divell had put the <HI>Barber</HI> and &s;he together, and &s;he was very loath that any man &s;hould put them a&s;under. A good while <HI>Smug</HI> &s;tood knocking, but no body would &s;tir to let him in, then he went to the window, and there he kept a whewing, and a whi&s;tling to rai&s;e her, but all would not do: Then he fell to knoc|king with his knuckles again&s;t the ca&s;ement, and la&s;t rai&s;ed the <HI>Barber</HI> out of <HI>Barbaras</HI> bed, not in his own likene&s;&s;e, but in y^e like|ne&s;&s;e of <HI>Barbara</HI> his be&s;t beloved: for the <HI>Barber</HI> like a &s;ubtile knave &s;lipt on his bedfellows peticote, night-raile, and head-tire which became his hair-le&s;s face, as wel as hers it was made for, &amp; &s;o went to y^e window in <HI>Barbaras</HI> apparel, he &s;pake <HI>Barbaras</HI> voice as n&eacute;ere as he could, and pa&s;t as currantly with <HI>Smug</HI> in confe|rence, as could be wi&s;ht. After many loving words, <HI>Smug</HI> de&s;ired he might have a ki&s;&s;e ere he parted, for the <HI>Barber</HI> (for <HI>Barbara</HI> had told him he might by no means be let in at that time.</P>
<P>This kind he-&s;he very lovingly y&eacute;elds. I preth&eacute;e &s;w&eacute;et <HI>Smug</HI> (qd. this fine counterfeit) com bu&s;s me through this broken pane, that I will, yfaith (qd. <HI>Smug)</HI> with a good will as ere I came from &s;choole, or went to the Ale-hou&s;e: then I preth&egrave;e Smug (qd. the <HI>Barber</HI> come &s;mack me quickly that I may to be: again, and to morrow Ile meet thee where thou wilt appoint: why come &s;weet heart (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> I am ready, and thru&s;t his lips as far as he could thorow the broken paine, again&s;t <HI>Smugs</HI> lips, the <HI>Barber</HI> in&s;tead of his lips turned his AR. his lips I &s;hould have &s;aid: <HI>Smug</HI> &s;mackt, &amp; &s;mackt that &s;weetly five or &s;ix times together ere he could tell what he ki&s;t. At la&s;t he perceived he was plaid the knave with all and by whom: yet in policy very pa|tiently put it up and with the&s;e words took his leave. Farewell
<PB REF="10"> &s;w&eacute;et <HI>Barbara,</HI> for the kindne&s;&s;e thou ha&s;t &s;hown me at this time, for all thy former kindne&s;&s;e and the&s;e &s;w&eacute;et ki&s;&s;es, I re&s;t by th&eacute;e to th&eacute;e to be commanded, when&s;oever, where&s;oever, and in what|&s;oever thou plea&s;e&s;t, and &s;o &s;w&eacute;et <HI>Barbara</HI> for a while God be with th&eacute;e.</P>
<P>To bed went the Barber again, and <HI>Smug</HI> as fa&s;t as he could foot it homewards: as late as he was when he came whome, he found his folks hard at work, and a heate in the fire ready to be &s;tricken out. <HI>Smug</HI> pre&s;ently took the iron out of the fire (&s;park|ling hot) and ran as fa&s;t as he could back again to <HI>Barbaras</HI> win|dow, and there very ha&s;tily cald for his &s;w&eacute;et <HI>Barbara:</HI> de&s;iring her mo&s;t hartily to let him have one ki&s;&s;e more, and he'd rai&s;e her no more that night: the Barber pre&s;ently &s;tarted up to the win|dow again, as he had done before, and (as he had done before) &s;et his buttocks clo&s;e to the broken paine, thinking that <HI>Smug,</HI> as he had done before would have <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">i&s;t them: but in&s;tead of ki&s;&s;ing, or puting his lips too, he put his hi&s;&s;ing hot iron to him, and made him flie from the window as fa&s;t, as it the great Divell him&s;elf, and a dozen little ones had b&eacute;en at his taile. Now (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> my neat tremmer, I have trimmed you aboat the lips, as well as you have trimm'd me about the lips: as you like this, play y^e knave with me another time, and &s;o farewell good pla&s;ter-maker, hie th&eacute;e home; and clap a plai&s;ter to it quickly, or thou't f&eacute;ele me when thou do&s;t not &s;&eacute;e me. When <HI>Smug</HI> had thus revenged him&s;elfe upon his rivall he left him crying and fretting, and w<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">nt laugh|ing home againe roundly.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug foxt the fellow that went to cornute him in the Fox-chamber.</HEAD>
<P>TWo brothers (young gallants in <HI>Edmonton)</HI> who had often made them&s;elves merry with <HI>Smugs</HI> company, had an equall de&s;ire to cornute or in plain terms, to cuckold hone&s;t <HI>Smug</HI> &eacute;ene on y^e night his weding night, not &s;o much drawn to it by her beau|ty (for &s;he was but a homely Smug La&s;&s;e) or any part or quality in her <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">s a de&s;ire they had to do him that wrongs and e&s;pecially upon that night: privie &s;trife was betw&eacute;en plotting and contri|ving the one to deceive and prevent the other; Vpon the weding
<PB REF="11"> day as opportunity &s;erved, the elder brother <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> the Bride into a corner, where he &s;pent many per&s;wa&s;ive words to wi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> her to accord to his (as he called it) loving reque&s;t man<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> of poore <HI>Smugs</HI> faults and imperfections he laid open, and withal his pur&s;e with very large proffers to draw her on the more ea&s;ily: but all could not doe: She lik't never the wor&s;e of her <HI><GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">mug</HI> (whom &s;he had taken for better for wor&s;e) for y^e di&s;prai<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="3 letters"> of him nor the better of him for all his large proffers: and therefore wild him, to give over his hone&s;t &s;uite, and be packing: for &s;he was not a Woman (how&s;oever &s;he &s;&eacute;emed in his eye) of y^e uncha&s;t di&s;po&s;ition. This &amp; many &s;uch like an&s;wers &s;he made him, as very willing to be rid of him but could not: for he (&s;corning to &s;hew <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="4 letters">full blu&s;h) came upon her &s;till, after her cro&s;&s;e an&s;wers with a fre&s;h &s;upply of &s;mooth words, &amp; left her not till be made her (with the appoint|ment of place and mi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">te) make him promi&s;e th<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> he &s;hould have his de&s;ire, but alas that promi&s;e pa<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> not from her heart, for <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">he was of a &s;etled con&s;cience, that no means might move herineither profer, per&s;on, or any other ind<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">c<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ment what&s;oever, to prove fal&s;e to her <HI>Oliver.</HI></P>
<P>When he had thus received his an&s;wer, &amp; was gone his youn|ger Brother privily &s;et upon her to the &s;ame purpo&s;e, and with y^e an&s;wer he had was &s;ent away very plea&s;ant, but his expected plea|&s;ure was his pain in the end. For &s;he as &s;oon as they had left her, acquinted her Gr<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">m, or her Bridegroom with their purpo&s;e and to <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> that ten a clock was the hour, and the Foxe Cham|ber the place appointed, wi&s;hing him for y^e night to lye there alone in her &s;tead, ready to receive them or any of them. When <HI>Smug</HI> under&s;tanding the knavery that was practi&s;ed again&s;t him, after two or thr&eacute;e &s;macking ki&s;&s;es, and thanks for her kindne&s;s in tel|ling it, he began to talke to him&s;elf in this manner. A ha my little <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> Iingle&s;purs would you be nibling? would you yfaith Lads, Ile have a baite &s;hall baite your boldne&s;&s;e a little, Ile Foxe you yfaith come to the Fox-chamber as &s;oon as you will.</P>
<P>To be &s;hort, a little before the time appointed, <HI>Smug</HI> got him to be<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> in the Fox-chamber, again&s;t they or one of them &s;hould come: about the hour appointed, both the Brothers met in the dancing room, or Hall, for they mu&s;t pa&s;&s;e through that to the Fox, prepa|red to perform their promi&s;es: but this unhappy m&eacute;eting had al|mo&s;t
<PB REF="11"> marred all, for neither of them dur&s;t enter into the others &s;ight.</P>
<P>By and by, before a minute of the prefixed time was pa&s;t, the younger &s;lipt in whil&s;t y^e elder &s;tood talking among&s;t the dancers and to bed he went. He was no &s;ooner got into his Ho&s;te&s;&s;e (as he thought) but <HI>Smug</HI> &s;tept out, and with an old dry <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">oot that he had (laid ready for that purpo&s;e) &s;o belaboured this young Mutton-munger in his &s;hirt, that he had b&eacute;en as good have had a &s;ound whipping as that ba&s;ting.</P>
<P>A ha quoth <HI>Smug,</HI> ile for you yfaith boy, doo&s;t thou think mine Ho&s;t of the <HI>George</HI> had a Whore to his Wife? no thou lecherous Bab<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">n, <HI>Smug</HI> is better liked of in his frize or &s;h&eacute;ep-skin, by his own &s;mug La&s;&s;e, then ere a &s;pruce &s;l&eacute;eked Gallant of you all.</P>
<P>Why I preth&eacute;e good <HI>Smug</HI> (qd. the young&s;ter) be contented, if I have made th&eacute;e a fault, I will make th&eacute;e amends: Nay alas (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> tis no fault, I rather account my &s;elf, for the kind|ne&s;&s;e you &s;hould have &s;hewn to me, in your debt, but Ile pay you ere you and I part, and about him he laid again: Then <HI>Smug</HI> made him &s;lip on his clothes and beat him out of doores. When the elder Brother (who all the while he was as he thought) in the Fox chamber with <HI>Smugs</HI> Wife, &s;aw how be was <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">uld by her, &amp; ba&s;ted by him, be &s;miled to him&s;elf to think how well be was re|warded for his forwardne&s;&s;e, and how cleanly he him&s;elf had e&s;|caped that &s;couring.</P>
<P>Why how now Brother (&s;aid he) whats the matter? hath your Bedfellow beat you? is &s;he &s;uch a Divell? how chance you ple<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">|&s;ed her no better? plea&s;e her (quoth he) the Divell plea&s;e her and him too, they have plea&s;ed me a plague on them, but it would have plea&s;ed me better Brother, if you (as it was your de&s;ire this even|ing) had had my place.</P>
<P>Why Brother you may &s;ee (quoth the Elder) what it is to be &s;o forward in &s;&eacute;eking to deceive your Elders.</P>
<P>Well come Brother, lets go home and fl&eacute;ep hone&s;tly, for we &s;&eacute;e whats got by tempting hone&s;ty, he has taught th&eacute;e, and thou ha&s;t taught me to take h&eacute;ed how we enter i<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">to any &s;uch action a|gain. Then home they hied them hand in hand, one &s;miling and je&s;ting, and they together fretting and chafing, cur&s;ing poore <HI>Smug</HI> and his Wife, and the Fox-chamber extreamly.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<PB REF="12">
<HEAD>How Smug being drunk, lo&s;t his fellows in the Park, and how when they got together by whooping and hollowing, he took them for The<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ves, and would by no means know them till he was &s;oundly thwackt by them, and made to know his friends from his foes.</HEAD>
<P>ANother time <HI>Smug</HI> was fetch'd out of the Ale-hou&s;e by Sir <HI>John,</HI> the Miller, and mine ho&s;t of the <HI>George,</HI> in &s;uch a ca&s;e as it had b&eacute;en fitter he &s;hould have gone to bed to &s;l&eacute;ep, then to y^e Park a D&eacute;er-&s;tealing, but drunk as he was they would have him along with them, for without him they were no body, he mu&s;t n&eacute;eds goe though he could hardly &s;tand alone.</P>
<P>Well to the Park they got him with what great adoe, con&s;ider of the ca&s;e he was in and imagine: when they were entred into the Park, and were ready to enter upon the bu&s;ine&s;&s;e, they &s;e|vered them&s;elves every one to his appointed &s;tanding, with their weapons for that purpo&s;e, as Cro&s;&s;e-bows, Long-bowes, and &s;taves.</P>
<P><HI>Smug</HI> he was &s;et (becau&s;e he was not in ca&s;e to take &s;teddy aime) to watch that the K&eacute;eper came not upon them before they were aware, but while they were clo&s;e at their bu&s;ine&s;s, their cen|tinell (hone&s;t &s;mug) forgetting both where he was, and al&s;o what charge he had taken in hand, went reeling down the Park, clean out of &s;ight and hearing. When Sir <HI>John,</HI> the Miller, and the mad ho&s;t had &s;truck the &s;troke, and made them all glad men, and bound their prize up han&s;omely together, they went to fetch their continell, but when they came to the place where they &s;et him, he was not to be found: body of me (qd. Sir <HI>John)</HI> what &s;hall we do? kind neighbours and friends, what &s;hall we doe? hone&s;t <HI>Smug</HI> with his head full of liquor is gone God knows whether, I pray <HI>Jove</HI> he be not fallen into &s;ome of the&s;e ditches, that I hope he is not (qd. mine Ho&s;t) he was w<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">t <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">nugh before: why what a mad knave is this <HI>Smug</HI> (qd. the Miller) he is &s;ure a&s;l&egrave;ep &s;omewhere, faith then (qd. &s;ir <HI>John)</HI> we were be&s;t give over &s;&eacute;eking for him by the eye, and try what we can do by the voice. Then they fell to whoo<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">i<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> and hollowing as loud a<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">hey could, <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">hat <HI>Smug</HI> might
<PB REF="12"> hear and an&s;wer them: a good while they went whooping and hol|lowing, but <HI>Smugs</HI> ears was two far off for th<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ir voices to reach, they could by no means hear their an&s;wering hollow: the babling Eccho an&s;wered every whoope they made, but <HI>Smug</HI> not one. So long they walked whooping &amp; hollowing up &amp; down, that the di&s;|coverer of every bad action, the morning was ready to di&s;cover theirs, and yet <HI>Smugs</HI> hollow could not be heard. At la&s;t when they had given over hollowing and were going without him, they heard him whoop: bu&s;h (qd. &s;ir <HI>John)</HI> I think I hear his voice: from whenc comes it? ma&s;s &amp; I hear it too (qd. y^t ho&s;t) but from whence I know not why then (qd y^t Miller) we were be&s;t by our hollow|ing to k&eacute;ep him hollowing &s;till, and &s;o we &s;hall come to him Ile warrant you. They did as the Miller coun&s;elled them, &amp; within le&s;&s;e then a quarter of an hour had &s;ight of him.</P>
<P>When they were come n&eacute;er together, &s;ir <HI>Iohn</HI> (out of the love and good will we bear to <HI>Smug,</HI> <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ept forward before his fellows, and with an out-&s;tretched arm, and &s;miling countenance would have imbraced him. But <HI>Smug</HI> in his drunken humor (not know|ing him to be &s;ir <HI>Iohn</HI> nor the Miller &amp; mine Ho&s;t that followed him, to be his old hone&s;t familias Cope&s;-mates) took him &s;uch a knock ore the pate, that he made Mr. Par&s;on &s;tag<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">er like him&s;elf, though their cau&s;es were much unlike. Why how no<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> <HI>Smug</HI> (qd. y^e fiery-fac'd Ho&s;t) wilt thou fight with thy friends? Friends (qd. <HI>Smug)</HI> foot you rogues do you come rob me? K&eacute;epe out, k&eacute;ep out I advi&s;e you, and you meane to go home again to &s;&eacute;e your Wife and Children (if you have any) k&eacute;ek out, by <HI>Ph<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">raoh</HI> you all dye el&s;e. Why I pr<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">thy <HI>Smug</HI> (qd. the Miller) put down thy <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="3 letters">|pon, we are all thy friends: I preth&eacute;e <HI>Smug</HI> (qd. mine Ho&s;t) put thy &s;taffe on thy &s;houlder, and let's go home together do&s;t thou not know me? Come, give me thy hand. That I will (qd. <HI>Smug)</HI> There, &amp; knoct him ore the pate with his &s;taff; there's a hand for th&eacute;e, &amp; &s;till &s;tood &s;triking at him, laying about him like a mad man. When they &s;aw he would by no faire intreaty come to y^e know|ledge of them, they all laid at him, &amp; wel, &amp; &s;oundly ba&s;ted his &s;ides, &amp; by that time they had thwaekt him &s;oundly, ind&eacute;ed his wits wer come to him. Then he knew his friends from his foes, &amp; de&s;ired them very kindly (every man by his name) to hold their hands,
<PB REF="13"> and very orderly and well helped his fellow thieves to beare <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">me their booty.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug was deceived of his Red Cap by his Wife, and by that deceit forc'd to leave his &s;waggering Company, and go with her home to his labour.</HEAD>
<P>AMong&s;t divers Articles that were a reed upon betwixt <HI>Smug</HI> and his Wife, is be kept unviolated on either part, this was one:</P>
<P>That day that <HI>Smug</HI> ha<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> his red Cap on, (which Cap he call'd his Cap of Maintenance) he was like a Lord of Mi&s;-rule, to have rule and dominion over his Wi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e, both at home and abroad: that day he had to &s;pend at his own plea&s;ure, to Card, Dice, Drinke, Drab, domin&eacute;er, and do all that i<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> plea&s;ed him to doe, without any interruption, or contradiction. But without that Cap he might do nothing, but what &s;tood with her good will and liking.</P>
<P>If at any time he were gaming, drinking, domineering, &amp;c. with|out this Cap of Authority, if his wife came into the place where he was and did but hold up her <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">inger, he was pre&s;ently to give over his company, obey, and follow her home to his bu&s;ine&s;&s;e.</P>
<P>One morning betimes, <HI>Smug</HI> was called from his work by a company of true To&s;p<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ts (like him&s;elf) to go a Fox-catching: Forth he went with his red Cap upon his head, &s;waggering and &s;wearing, among&s;t his mo&s;t abominable b&oacute;one Companions, like the Captain of a Gally-Foi&s;t.</P>
<P>Fir&s;t they ta&s;ted Liquor in one hou&s;e, then in another, then another, and &s;o from hou&s;e to hou&s;e, till they had not left an Ale|hou&s;e in all <HI>Edmonton</HI> unta&s;ted.</P>
<P>At la&s;t, when their brains began to be dizzie, with running <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">o long in this maze of Good-fellow&s;hip, (as one evill leads to ano|ther) they went all as wi&s;e as Woodcocks to a hou&s;e of Iniqui|tie, and there they drunk and &s;waggered helter skelter: And to make them leap the more lu&s;tily, they &s;ent for a noi&s;e of Min|&s;trels: and after that pittifull noi&s;e, the Treble and the Bag|pipe, they danced all out of mea&s;ure. One while this creaking Mu&s;ick would go cr&eacute;eping after them, like a tyred follower af|ter his leader, and another while it would run &s;o fa&s;t before
<PB REF="13"> them, that they were fain to run more then a Lacquey pace to o|vertake it.</P>
<P>In y^e mid&s;t of this merry pa&s;time came Smugs Wife fretting &amp; cha&s;ing into the Roome, to fetch him home, but <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">y no means he would give over his pa&s;time, it was his day, and he would &s;pend it at his plea&s;ure.</P>
<P>When &s;he &s;aw he was &s;o far in, that he could hardly be got out, &s;he fell to intreating, de&s;iring him very kindly to go along home with her: but the more &s;he intreated, the more he &s;tood again&s;t her.</P>
<P>Why thou confounding Cockatrice (&s;aid he) do<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">t thou not &s;&eacute;e my Cap of Maintenance, my Scarlet coloured Cap? am not I to do my plea<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ure, without check or controule, &s;o long as this Cap is on my head? Away, beg<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">n, or by the life of <HI>Pharaoh</HI> Ile he humble thee: I tell thee, &s;o long as this Cap is on my head, I will not be cro&s;t in mine humour.</P>
<P>Then &s;he perceived it was but a folly to &s;&eacute;ek by intreaty to get him home, and yet &s;he was very loth to leave him behind her in that di&s;ordered Company. A good while &s;he &s;tood mu&s;ing with her &s;elfe, what &s;he were be&s;t to do to get him along with her: in vain &s;he &s;tudied not, for her &s;tudy begat a trick that effected her will, and that was this:</P>
<P>She took her man <HI>Ralphs</HI> Gray Cap from his head, and very hand&s;omely, when &s;he &s;aw her Husband was <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">u<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">e in talk (and had lo&s;t the &s;en&s;e of his feeling) &s;he took his Red Cap off, and put the Gray Cap on, in the &s;tead of it. When &s;he had &s;o done, &s;he plac'd her &s;elf right before him again, and held up her finger; for aske before &s;aid) at the holding up of her finger he was to fulfill her plea&s;ure, his Red Cap being from him.</P>
<P>When <HI>Smug</HI> &s;aw her finger up againe (little thinking of her &s;ubtiltie) he was very angry, and out of his anger &s;aid thus unto her: How dare&s;t thou pre&s;ume to hold up thy finger, and &s;&eacute;e this, (pointing to his Red Cap, as he thought?) Down with that finger, or Ile &s;et down finger and body and all, by the life of <HI>Pharoah;</HI> now by broad-cheek'd <HI><GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">cchus,</HI> that &s;weet &s;willing God of Good fellows I will: &s;hall I be cro&s;t in my humors? If my Red Cap were at home, and <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">here, I would obey thee: but being both here, I will not.</P>
<PB REF="14">
<P> Why you are deceived (qd. <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">he) your Red Cap is not here, and therefore you mu&s;t and &s;hall along with me: look here, is this your Red Cap (&s;aid &s;he?) and took it from his head to &s;hew it him; I pray you look upon it well.</P>
<P>When <HI>Smug</HI> had looked well upon it him&s;elf, and had asked y^e Miller and the merry Prie&s;ts Iudgement of the colour of his Cap, and found it to be a Gray Cap he looked as pale as a poore re&s;pairing Debtor at the &s;ight of a Sergeant, or his cut-throate Creditor, and pre&s;ently yeelded, made a low leg, took his leave of his Company as hand&s;omely as he could, and r&eacute;eled home with his Wife very lovingly.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug was taken by the Watch, and &s;et in the &s;tocks for abu&s;ing of them, and how he kept &s;uch a coyle with whooping and hollowing under a &s;ick womans window, that the Con&s;table was fain to &s;et him at liberty, and glad to be &s;o rid of him.</HEAD>
<P>DRinke and good Fellows had kept <HI>Smug</HI> out &s;o late one night, that the Watch, as he walked homewards, had him in examination, both where he had b&eacute;en, and about what bu&s;i|ne&s;&s;e.</P>
<P><HI>Smug</HI> half <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">u<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">el'd, or (as many term it) &s;ome what rugged, an&s;wered every demand very cro&s;&s;ely: whereupon the Watch|men (as men in Authority will) taking it for a great pre&s;ump|tion, that he &s;hould an&s;wer them &s;o unhappily, grew very cho|lerick, and in their heat of anger &s;truck him, and heaves him, and &s;hoved him betw&eacute;en them, as they would have <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ook him to <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ters.</P>
<P>But, as <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">efore this rigorous u&s;age, he could not well brooke their words, he could now well wor&s;e brook their <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">owes, and therefore re&s;olved, as before he had given them one cro&s;&s;e word for another (I, and perhaps returned them with the vantage) &s;&eacute;eing they were &s;o ready to give blows, to give them blow for blow. So long he laid about him with his Mammer, (for that was his <HI>Morglay)</HI> that &s;carce two of halfe a dozen that began with him, would &s;tay to make an end with him.</P>
<PB REF="14">
<P> By and by came the Con&s;table, with the bloudi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> Runawayes, to bear <HI>Smug</HI> to the Stocks (which &s;tood under the Con&s;tables Window) with much adoe they drag'd him to them, and with as much adoe got in his leg.</P>
<P>When they had thus &s;et him fa&s;t, they left him, and every man return'd to his place againe.</P>
<P>Being thus left alone, he fell to &s;inging, to pa&s;&s;e away the time as merrily in the &s;tocks, for once, as he had done in the Ale-hou&s;e many a time and oft: He was as well furni&s;hed with odde pieces of b<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">dy Ballads, and drunken Catches, as a man of his profe&s;&s;i|on might be: which he &s;o roundly trould out as he &s;ate, that the Con&s;tables Wife was faine to &s;end down her Maid to de&s;ire him to &s;it quietly, and hold his tongue. Howe hold my tongue (&s;aid <HI>Smug)</HI> no: though Ma&s;ter Con&s;table have a trick to force me to hold my legs &s;till, he wants a trick to make me hold my tongue &s;till.</P>
<P>But I preth&eacute;e Wench, tell me from whence, or from whom come&s;t thou, to bid me hold my tongue. Marry (&s;aid the Maid) I dwell here; you &s;it under the Chamber Window where my Mi&s;tris (who &s;ent me) lyes very &s;ick: How &s;ick (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> I preth&eacute;e tell me La&s;&s;e, who is thy Mi&s;tris? Marry (quoth <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">he) the Con&s;tables Wife: How? (&s;aid <HI><GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">mug)</HI> the Con&s;tables Wife? What? his Wife that &s;et me here? I even his Wife (quoth the Maid) therefore I preth&eacute;e good fellow be quiet. O I will, I will, (&s;aid <HI>Smug)</HI> go tell thy Mi&s;tris I will not &s;ing one Song more to di&s;turb her: I preth&eacute;e doe not good fellow) (quoth the Maid) and &s;o went up againe to her Mi&s;tris. She was &s;carce in the Chamber with her Mi&s;tris, delivering his an&s;wer but he was as loud and far louder then he was before, though not in the &s;ame manner, becau&s;e of his promi&s;e: for he had turn'd from bawling like a Ballad-&s;inger, to &s;houting, whooping and hollowing like a Forre&s;ter. Such a noy&s;e he made as he &s;ate with hollowing and whooping (as is if he had been a hunting) that Ma&s;ter Con|&s;tables &s;ick Wife could by no meanes take a minutes re&s;t by him.</P>
<P>Twice or thrice &s;he &s;ent her maid down to him againe, to de|&s;ire him to he quiet: but as often as &s;he &s;ent, he &s;trained him&s;elfe to rai&s;e his voice higher.</P>
<PB REF="15">
<P> Nay yfaith (qd. <HI>Smug)</HI> your Husband &s;et me here I thanke him, and doe you thanke him, if I be a trouble to you, for &s;etting me &s;o n&eacute;ere you: Blame not me, for yfaith I mu&s;t be doing &s;omewhat to make my &s;elfe merry. When he had thus told her his minde, hee fell to whooping and hollowing a|gaine.</P>
<P>Then &s;he &s;ent for her Husband, thinking by his pre&s;ence to &s;till him: but he being with him, <HI>Smug</HI> was ten times wor&s;e then when he was from him (for he played the knave &s;o on pur|po&s;e to cro&s;&s;e him.)</P>
<P>When Ma&s;ter Con&s;table &s;aw, that neither faire means, nor foule, could make him hold his tongue, and that by the noy&s;e he made his Wife grew wor&s;e and wor&s;e; he commands his Beadle (or &s;ome other under Officer) to let him out, and de&s;ired him ve|ry kindly to go quickly home to his dwelling.</P>
<L>Thus hone&s;t Smug by's knaverie,</L>
<L>Go<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">'s heeles again at libertie.</L>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How knavi&s;hly Smug was dealt with by three or foure of his fellow Drunkards, and how he broke the Gla&s;&s;e that &s;hewed him the &s;hadow of his one face.</HEAD>
<P>SMug in his time had played many mad pranks by many, and one day it was his chance to light into the company of thr&eacute;e or foure mad con&s;orts, that played the knave as well with him, as ever he had play'd the knave with any.</P>
<P>When they had &s;pent a fore-<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="3 letters">n in quaffing together, and fill'd him with liquor, (which he was very ea&s;ily intreated to take) and fill'd him &s;o full, that he was too heavie to &s;tand or goe, they led him out of the Ale-hou&s;e into the Church-Porch, and ther laid him all along upon his back upon a Bench. Under his head (in&s;tead of a Cu&s;hion, or a pillow) they put a Cric|ket, or a litte Joynt-&s;toole, (&s;uch as Children u&s;e to &s;it on in the Chimney-corner) and under his f&eacute;et, a great rough-hewed Free-&s;tone.</P>
<PB REF="15">
<P> Yet as hard as they laid him, he &s;lept as &s;oundly, as if he had b&eacute;en laid down upon a bed of Down; and lay with &s;uch a grace, as few Smiths (I can tell you) can lye: for he had upon his head his Red Cap, his Cap of Maintenance, buttoned up before, with a faire Feather of a Peacocks Tayle in it, bound about with a Carnation &s;ilk Ribband; his Leather Apron turn'd round toge|ther, and wound about his middle: his Hammer hanging (Han|ger-like) by his &s;ide, and both his hands in his pockets.</P>
<P>Thus lay <HI>Smug</HI> at length, like y^e Image of Duke <HI>Humphrey,</HI> over his long agoe con&s;umed Carkas, or his Du&s;t, Earth, and A&s;hes.</P>
<P>Had hone&s;t <HI>Smug</HI> (thus lying) b&eacute;en grated about, with &s;ome pittifull Epi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">aph, or Deaths-Head, and <HI>Memento Mori,</HI> and his &s;l&eacute;ep la&s;ted as long as the &s;l&eacute;ep of one of the Seven Sl&eacute;e|pers; I am per&s;waded he would have had more Spectators then the riche&s;t Monument that &s;tands either in Saint <HI>Pauls</HI> Church, or <HI>We&s;tmin&s;ter.</HI></P>
<P>But to the matter: when (as he lay thus) the mad crew that layd him &s;o, &s;aw he was as d&eacute;ep in Sl&eacute;epe as Drink, they be|gan to work their wills upon him in this manner:</P>
<P>They got a good handfull of &s;mall Coa<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">s which they beat to powder, and having <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">at them to powder, put them into a di&s;h of faire water&punc; when they had Well-mingled (like right dawbing Painters) their Small-Coale powder, blacking, and Water toge|ther, and made a perfect Coale-black, without either Size or any &s;uch like &s;elling Stuffe, they &s;ayd it on his face, which was rea|&s;onable black before, not leaving &s;o much white or red to be &s;&eacute;en as a &s;mall pins-head will cover.</P>
<P>When they had thus he blacked and b<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&s;mouched him, with his Divels look, they left him (&s;norting on the Porch-Bench) till he &s;hould either wake of him&s;elf, or be waked of the Sexton, or &s;ome other kind of bald-pated Officer.</P>
<P>There he &s;lept foundly thr&eacute;e or foure hours without moving; till at la&s;t, with a remove that removed him from the Bench to the ground, he waked, &amp; after long &s;tretching, reaching, and yawn|ing, got upon his f&eacute;et.</P>
<P>But alas, when with much adoe he was got up, he had as much adoe to &s;tand: yet out of the Church-porch he made a &s;hift to
<PB REF="16"> &s;tagger, and up into the &s;tr&eacute;et. When he was ther<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> (r&eacute;eling home|wards to his own hou&s;e) the Boyes at play in the &s;tr&eacute;et &s;pyed him: at the fir&s;t &s;ight halfe afraid of his black face, they ran apace away from him; yet at la&s;t, when a great companie of them were gathered together, they turned to him again, and followed him clo&s;e, &s;houting and crying after him, Divell, Divell, Di|vell.</P>
<P>When <HI>Smug,</HI> as drunk as he was, heard them call him Divell, Devell, Divell, he marvailed much in his mind wherefore they called him &s;o (for alas he knew not:) Had they called him Drunkard, it would never have grieved him; for that he knew to be his ordinary Title.</P>
<P>Still followed the boyes at his h&eacute;eles, (crying as they begun) Divell Divell, Divell, throwing old &s;hooes, Boo<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">s, and Pi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">le &s;tones after him: &s;o long they followed him, that they made him (whole drunk) <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">alfe mad; yet all he could doe, he could not mend it: The boyes loded him &s;o well, they would not leave him till they &s;aw him at his doore.</P>
<P>His Wife (bu&s;ie within) bearing the noy&s;e and &s;hout the boyes made, looked out, and &s;pyed her own &s;w&eacute;et Husband in that &s;w&eacute;et taking pre&s;ently &s;he got him in a doores, and there began (very prettily) to make u&s;e of her tongue to him. After many brabling words betw&eacute;en them, &s;he &s;hewed him a gla&s;&s;e, in which he &s;aw the &s;hadow of his face, in that mo&s;t pittifull ca&s;e.</P>
<P>Then <HI>Smug</HI> began to &s;wear (not like a Smith I can tell you) Gogs Nowns, Foot and nailes, thou mo&s;t abomi<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">nable whore, do&s;t thou &s;hew me the Divell, to fright me from that little &s;tore of wit which I have? and thy Divell were ten Divels, I am not afraid of him, and that thou &s;halt quickly &s;&eacute;e: With that he took his Hammer from <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">is &s;ide, (&s;till &s;&eacute;eing his own &s;w&eacute;e<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> &s;hadow in the Gla&s;&s;e, which he took to be the Divell (&s;truck at it, and with one blow clattered the Gla&s;&s;e all in pieces.</P>
<P>Now you Whore (&s;aid he) where is your Divell now? I think I have mauld him I faith: Bring your Divels to me, do&s;t th<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">u? Thou whore do&s;t thou. Alas &s;w&eacute;et <HI>Smug</HI> (quoth &s;he) &s;&eacute;eing him &s;o very much moved, be patient I preth&eacute;e &s;w&eacute;et Chuck, and &s;how|ing him the <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">rackt frame: look here, here is no Divell: therefore I preth&eacute;e &s;w&eacute;ett <HI>Oliver</HI> be quiet.</P>
<PB REF="16">
<P> Nay (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> Ile tickle your Divels, yfaith; and your Di|vels come to <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="3 letters">e&s;t <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> within mine owne Hou&s;e, upon mine own ground, Ile Divell them.</P>
<P>Come good &s;w&eacute;et heart (quoth &s;he) now thou ha&s;t beaten the Divell away, let us go to bed, after a quarter of an hours fret|ting, with very good words &s;he got him to bed.</P>
<P>In the morning when &s;he knew his &s;l&eacute;ep had made him &s;ober, &s;he &s;hewed him his black face in another Gla&s;&s;e; which when <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e &s;aw, and knew well what he &s;aw, he blu&s;ht; but the <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e&s;t was it could not to &s;&eacute;e<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">, till his <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">izard was taken off with faire w<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">e<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"> and &s;oape: then he confe&s;t him&s;elf faulty, promi&s;ed amends, and we<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">t very clo&s;e to his labour.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How cunningly Smug &s;caped the Keeper, and others that pur|&s;ued him, and made him run up and down from place to place to &s;eek him in vain.</HEAD>
<P><HI>SMug</HI> and his and <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">rew of Veni&s;on-<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">aters, one night being at their <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word">, were &s;uddenly &s;et upon by their old Enemy y^t K&eacute;eper, &amp; two or thr&eacute;e more; that after they had taken great pains to get their prey, &amp; bound it up hand&s;omely ready to bear it away, they were forc'd to <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 span"> them, for fear of a fur|ther mi&s;chief. The Miller he r<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">n one way, and nimble &s;ir <HI>John</HI> in his <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">uckram <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word">, another way, and <HI>Smug</HI> another way, as fa<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> as if they had him <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> up to running all their life time. They had no time to take their leave one of another, or appoint a place of <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word">.</P>
<P>As tho&s;e <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> took &s;everall ways to run, &s;o the K&eacute;eper and his <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 span"> them&s;elves to pur&s;ue them, one far af|ter the Miller, mo<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">er after &s;ir <HI>John,</HI> and two or thr&eacute;e after <HI>Smug</HI> for he was the <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ly <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> they looked for, though all them were kn<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">n to the K&eacute;eper well enough&punc; The Miller be r<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">n not far, ere he was &s;tay'd with a good p<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">t <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> the <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word">: Sir <HI>John<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter"></HI> followers followed <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">o clo&s;e, that he was <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> to leap for his liberty over a ditch: over he &s;hould have <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word">, <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 span"> a &s;hort leap layd him <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> along in ditch and &s;o he was &s;tay'd and taken up with never a drye<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">&punc; <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">o on him&punc; <HI>Smug</HI> <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">e <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 span"> homewards, followed at the h&eacute;eles <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">y the K&eacute;eper and another, yet they could not overtake him.</P>
<PB REF="17">
<P> When he was got to Edmonton, with running to and fro up one Lane, and down another; he got out of the fight of his pur&s;u|ers: but it was &s;o late, he could not get into any hou&s;e to hide him, &s;ave his own: and into that he dur&s;t not goe, fearing they would go thither to &s;&eacute;ek him.</P>
<P>A pretty while he &s;tood &s;tudying which way to &s;hift for him&s;elf re&s;ol<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ing one while to do this thing, another while that, another while another. At la&s;t, &s;tanding thus in a brown &s;tudy, turning his eyes fir&s;t one way, then another way, one while up, another while down, he &s;pyed the &s;ign of the White <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">or&s;e: not painted upon a board (as they u&s;e to be here in the City.) but fa&s;hioned out of Timber, and &s;et gallantly over the Digne-po&s;t. Ma&s;&s;e (quoth he) I care not greatly, if I get up and be&s;tride this White Hor&s;e, and make another S. <HI>George</HI> here in <HI>Edmonton:</HI> Ile doe it yfaith, it may be I may &s;it &s;afer &s;o then any way el&s;e; if I doe, I do: if I no not, I know the wor&s;t on't, 'tis but wearing two &s;tocks upon one leg, and I am as well able to endure it now as ere I was. Vp to the White Hor&s;e he get and back'd him brave|ly, with his arm &s;tretch'd out, his hammer in his hand in &s;tead of a Sword, and the Lippit of his Red Cap tyed under his Chin, which &s;tood for his Helmet mo&s;t featly.</P>
<P>While he &s;et thus gallantly &s;t<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="4 letters">ing upon his Woodden hor&s;e (yet no Hobby-hor&s;e) the k&eacute;eper that followed him &s;o clo&s;e, to have gotten him into his k&eacute;eping (with the other that was with him) went peaking and prying in every <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 word"> of y^e &s;tr&eacute;et to <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">d him: twice or thrice (backward &amp; forward&punc;) they went under him, and yet could not &s;&eacute;e him, but he &s;aw them well enough.</P>
<P>When they had lo&s;t an h<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">rs labour, or thereabouts in &s;&eacute;eking after him without doors, they re&s;olved another while to &s;&eacute;ek him within: Come &s;aid the K&eacute;eper to the other; let us go &s;earch the Inns, and fir&s;t this, this White Hor&s;e is his daily haunt, &amp; there|fore it may be we &s;hall find him here this nighte<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="4 letters"> let us in.</P>
<P>As the K&eacute;eper was going into the White Hor&s;e (under <HI>Smug)</HI> his fellow looking up, had him &s;tay, &s;tay: quoth the K&eacute;eper, where|fore &s;hould I &s;tay? Why look you (&s;aid the other) this is not the White Hor&s;e as you take it to be, this is the <HI>George.</HI> Ma&s;&s;e (qd. the K&eacute;eper) 'tis the <HI>George</HI> ind&eacute;ede come let's over to the White-Hor&s;e. When they had cro&s;t the Way, (as they thought to the
<PB REF="17"> White Hor&s;e) they found the <HI>George</HI> againe. Zounds (qd. the K&eacute;eper) <HI>Jack,</HI> this is the <HI>George</HI> too. What? have we two <HI>Georges</HI> in <HI>Edmonton?</HI> Foot man, where are we? If this be <HI>Edmonton,</HI> here was but one <HI>George</HI> ye&s;terday, and the white Hor&s;e over again&s;t it, now here are two <HI>Georges</HI> one again&s;t another; this is &s;trange: 'tis very &s;trange ind&eacute;ed (quoth the other.) Bones man are we not at <HI>Hod&s;don?</HI> For thou know|e&s;t the two <HI>Georges</HI> are in <HI>Hod&s;don.</HI> Ma&s;&s;e thou saye&s;t true, <HI>Jack;</HI> and by the&s;e Signes, this &s;hould be <HI>Hod&s;don.</HI> Come come. (quoth the other) we mi&s;tooke our way t<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters"> the darke: this is <HI>Hod&s;don;</HI> come, let's up to <HI>Edmonton.</HI> Content (qd. the K&eacute;e|per) and together they ran as fa&s;t as they could to <HI>Hod&s;don,</HI> to find <HI>Edmonton.</HI></P>
<P>When <HI>Smug,</HI> who heard all their talke (and &s;ate laughing, ready to bewray him&s;elfe with laughter &s;aw them trudging towards <HI>Hod&s;don,</HI> be gat down from his <HI>white Hor&s;e,</HI> and went to bed, leaving them in their Wild-Goo&s;e-Cha&s;e, to &s;&eacute;ek him.</P>
<P>When they were come to <HI>Hod&s;don,</HI> there they &s;aw the two <HI>Georges</HI> too, for there the Signes &s;tood ind&eacute;ed, then they cha&s;ed, &s;wore, and &s;tampt like mad-men, curs'd poore <HI>Smug</HI> and his company, and vowed to be the death of him if e're they could take him hand&s;omely. There they tooke up their Lodging for that night, and the next morning went home to their bu&s;ine&s;&s;e.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smugs Wife locked him in a Doores, when hee would have gone abroad a Swaggering, and what &s;hift he made to get out and among&s;t them.</HEAD>
<P><HI>SMug</HI> one-day very early prepared him&s;elf to go abroad, ac|cording to promi&s;e the day before a Drinking: and to go hand&s;omly, he tricked him&s;elf vp in his holiday Sute, put on a cleane Band &amp; his red-Cap that he might go through &s;titch with his bu&s;ine&s;s, without cro&s;&s;e, or controulement. But alas, even as he was ready to go downe the &s;taires, his Wi&s;e per|ceiving his intent, pre&s;ently to cro&s;&s;e him, &s;tept out of the Chamber before him, pa&s;&s;ed the bodie after her, and lockt him in: now, &s;aid &s;hee, and p<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">n be hot with anger, walke vp
<PB REF="18"> and downe and coole your &s;elfe; If your walke tire you, lye downe and re&s;t you, for you &s;hall re&s;t upon no Ale Bench this day.</P>
<P>This cro&s;&s;e d&eacute;ed and the&s;e cutting words of hers vext him, that he was almo&s;t in a bad a ca&s;e with fretting, as hee had been the day before with drinking; yet he &s;aw there was no remedie but patience, for neither faire words nor foule could make her turne the Key to let him out.</P>
<P>From the time he ro&s;e till almo&s;t Dinner time, he walked vp and downe in his Chamber, cha<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ng, fretting, and mum|bling like poore <HI>Tom of Bedlam</HI> in his Barne, or bow&s;ing Inne.</P>
<P>At la&s;t (to cro&s;&s;e his Wife a&s;well as &s;he had cro&s;t him) he tooke an empty Can that &s;tood by upon a little Table tyed it to the end of a long &s;tring: and put it out at his Chamber-window; where it hung dangling like the poore mens Box al <HI>Ludgate,</HI> and he him&s;elfe, like the bawling Box&punc;man, &s;tood p&eacute;eping through his Lattice, crying, <HI>For the Lords &s;ake, for the Lords &s;ake, good people, pitty a poore Pri&s;oner;</HI> making his Can daunce at the end of his whip cord, with drawing it vp and downe as nimbly as one of the little thred Puppits in the lamentable Motion of <HI>Dives</HI> and <HI>Lazarus.</HI> Well, there he &s;tood in this manner bawling and yawling, fill he had drawn as great a company of people together, as the babling of a cheating Mountebanke, or the foule-fur'd, throat of an itchis Ballad, &s;inger in a Faire or Market-time. To conclude, when his Wife &s;aw &s;uch a company of people, Men, women and children gathered about him, &s;he (poore wretch) a&s;hamed to heare him, and vext at tho&s;e that &s;tood gaping about him, in a cha<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">ng heat as &s;he lockt him in, let him out, and was glad to be &s;o <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">d of him.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug was revenged on his Wife, for Locking him in a doores.</HEAD>
<P>THe day &s;ucceeding this vnkind Cro&s;&s;e, Smug ro&s;e againe very early, and put on working day apparell, with his old
<PB REF="18"> Sh&eacute;epes-Ru&s;&s;et-Button-Cap, and went to worke as hard as if he had wrought for a wager; he laboured at the Forge (but 'twas to forge a piece of Knaverie) till his &s;weaty face <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">&eacute;eked againe. All the day long wrought he thus hard with|out any &s;top, &s;tay, or hinderance: nay, which is more to be wondred at he dranke not above thrice all day and that was as hee u&s;ed to call it, &s;mall comfort, commonly called &s;mall B&eacute;ere.</P>
<P>His Wife to &s;&eacute;e him work &s;o clo&s;e (as &s;he very well might) mervailed and gave him as kind words as he could wi&s;h for, and &s;ware by the faith of her body, &s;he was glad to &s;&eacute;e &s;uch a &s;udden alteration. He &s;till plying his worke, gave her good words for her good words, very kindly.</P>
<P>When his labour had brought on the Evening (which brings an end to labour) he very kindly reque&s;ted his Wife to walke with him, to nip them&s;elves a little in the Eve|ning for it was a very fine fro&s;tie Moone-light evening: &s;he very kindly tooke his kind reque&s;t, and went with him.</P>
<P>Very lovingly they walked together, arme in arme out at the Townes end, one while this way; and another while that even as it plea&s;ed him (her mo&s;t vertuous Leader) to leade her. They walked thus lovingly vp and downe together &s;o long, that there was no Candle burning nor one eye open in all the Village; then home apace he hyed him. When hee was come to the doore, ready to enter, he &s;ent his Wife on a &s;l&eacute;evele&s;&s;e Errand to the Turning-Stile, to his hone&s;t neighbour <HI>Noddamus:</HI> while &s;he poore woman, was about his bidding, mi&s;tru&s;ting no Knaverie to be done again&s;t her, he pre&s;ently turn'd the Key on the out-&s;ide to let him&s;elfe in, and on the in-&s;ide to lock her out.</P>
<P>When &s;he was returned from the place afore-named and found the doore lockt, and the Key &s;ticking in the in-&s;ide, &s;he knockt, and with her knocking call'd; but bone&s;t <HI>Smug</HI> lay &s;nug, and would neither ri&s;e to let her in nor make her any an&s;wer. Then &s;he knew not what to doe, but (as Women doe wanting their wills) &s;afe and cryed, to ea&s;e her &s;tomack. His re&s;olution was &s;et to make her &s;it all that Night, to
<PB REF="19"> knock her h&eacute;eles and blow her nayles at the doore, like a poore back-bitten Stall-cr&eacute;eper: Never did &s;he chatter better with anger, then &s;he did at that time with the coldne&s;&s;e of the weather, that made her t&eacute;eth goe fa&s;ter then her tongue.</P>
<P>When &s;he &s;aw, that neither rea&s;onable knocking, nor un|rea&s;onable calling could rai&s;e him, &s;hee tooke vp a great Flint-&s;tone, and beat again&s;t the doore, as though &s;he would have beat it downe. Then <HI>Smug</HI> &s;tarted vp to the window in his &s;hirt, and very &s;trangely asked, who it was kept &s;uch a boun&s;ing at the doore? Marry good-man Drunkard, quoth &s;he, it is I that knocks: Wherefore ha&s;t thou lockt me out? Nay fir&s;t, quoth <HI>Smug,</HI> an&s;wer me, Wherefore did&s;t thou lock me in? 'Twas &s;o lately done, I am &s;ure thou ha&s;t not forgot it; or if thou ha&s;t, thou &s;&eacute;e&s;t I have not.</P>
<L>Thou locked&s;t me in, and J have lockt thee out,</L>
<L>Good Agnis walke,&mdash;goe walke about.</L>
<P>So, talke no longer; for I &s;weare by my Red-Cap, and by <HI>Bacchus,</HI> the god of good Liquor, I meane to k&eacute;epe th&eacute;e out all night, as thou kept'&s;t me in all day: and &s;o &s;w&eacute;et <HI>Agnis,</HI> till betw&eacute;ene Seven and eight in the morning, farewell.</P>
<P>To bed went hee againe, and left her to &s;hift for her &s;elfe till morning: how they agreed when they came together, I know not; but you may judge, &s;he &s;carce tooke it patiently.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug quarrel'd with his Fellowes, and was ready to fight about the &s;inging of a Catch: and how till they turn'd it to his mind, he would not be quie<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ed.</HEAD>
<P><HI>SMug</HI> one day being very merry with his hone&s;t &s;willing A&s;&s;ociates, from Drinking fell to Singing; and a|mong&s;t all the odde Ale-hou&s;e Catches they had vp, this was one, <HI>Jle tye my Mare in thy ground:</HI> this, <HI>Ile tye my Mare in thy ground,</HI> was <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">o&s;t &s;o long to and fro betw&eacute;ene <HI>Smug,</HI> the Mil|ler, and the merry Par&s;on, that <HI>Smug</HI> had forgot that he was &s;inging a Catch, and began to quarrell with the Par&s;on, thinking verily hee had meant (as he &s;aid in his Song) to
<PB REF="19"> <HI>tye his Mare in his ground.</HI> Will you <HI>tye your Mare in my ground</HI> (&s;aid <HI>Smug?)</HI> the Par&s;on &s;ung &s;till, <HI>Ile tye my Mare in thy ground:</HI> In <HI>my ground,</HI> &s;aid <HI>Smug?</HI> &s;till went the Par&s;on for ward with his Catch, <HI>Ile tye my Mare in thy ground, &amp;c.</HI> Then <HI>Smug</HI> began to &s;wagger indeed, and &s;wore, If he tyed his <HI>Mare</HI> in his ground, hee would make his Cap and Scull cleave together: be&s;ides, hee would give his <HI>Mare</HI> &s;uch a Drench, that after that Drinke, &s;he &s;hould never eate more. The Par&s;on &s;eeing <HI>Smugs</HI> rage increa&s;ing with very good words intreated him to be patient, and ca&s;t away Choller; for as I am an hone&s;t Sir <HI>John,</HI> and a boone Companion, I meant no harme in the world: I did but &s;ing the Catch, as the Catch was. But all the&s;e kind words and intreaties could not winne <HI>Smug</HI> to patience, till Mr. Par&s;on turn'd his Song, and him&s;elfe in &s;inging, from him to the Miller: Then they were as good friends as could be, and in kind|ne&s;&s;e, went againe to drinke together, till they were all laid drunke to &s;leepe.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="tale">
<HEAD>How Smug being drunke in his Bed, pi&s;t upon his Wife through a Cullender, taken in &s;tead of a Chamber-pot.</HEAD>
<P>LAbouring at the Liquor all day, many times tyred <HI>Smug</HI> farre wor&s;e then his labour at the Forge, as it was of|ten &s;eene by him; but mo&s;t e&s;pecially at this time, that I am now to &s;peake of: For at this time bee had laboured &s;o hard (and no body blame him, for he cea&s;t not from morning till night) that his legges were not able to beare him to his Bed. But what be could not doe him&s;elfe for him&s;elfe, the helping hands of &s;ome kind Neighbours and friends did: in Bed they layd him, and left him, to get that &s;leeping that he lo&s;t waking.</P>
<P>There lay be grunting and groaning like a Hog in a Stye, turning to and fro, from one &s;ide of the Bed to the tother: for the Liquor wrought &s;o within him, that hee could not &s;leepe, as he us'd to drinke, &s;oundly for the life of him.</P>
<PB REF="20">
<P> Within halfe an houre after he had lyen thus tumbling and to&s;&s;ing, as if he had lyen upon Nettles, his Wife went to Bed to him, to re&s;t her after her (indeed) true Labour: But (poore Woman) &s;he found le&s;&s;e re&s;t there then in her labour; for hee kept &s;uch a retching and &s;tretching him&s;elfe, &s;uch a hunching and punching with his Legs and elbowes, that &s;he might have lyen better at ea&s;t betweene two <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ad-men, then by him in that taking.</P>
<P>As he lay thus labouring (laden and over laden) with the Liquor he had taken the liquor lay labouring within him for vent; Which though hee could very hardly ri&s;e to give it hand&s;omely, yet hee did his goodwill, and reach'd out of the Bed for a Pi&s;pot; but in &s;tead of a Pi&s;pot he tooke a Cul|lender (that &s;tood clo&s;e by his Bed-&s;ide upon a Settle) and kneeling upright in his Bed, let his ill-dige&s;ted Liquor run as freely into it, and through it, upon his <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="2 letters">umbring Wife, as a Conduit-pipe at wa&s;te.</P>
<P>She pre&s;ently (feeling her &s;elfe warme wet) &s;tart up and began to brabble with him, and cry &s;hame upon him, for do|ing &s;uch a bea&s;tly deed.</P>
<P>Why thou Whore (quoth <HI>Smug)</HI> wilt thou not give mee leave to pi&s;&s;e? If thou cro&s;&s;e&s;t my humour but with two cro&s;&s;e words more, Ile breake the Pi&s;&s;e-pot about the pate of thee, therefore be quiet.</P>
<P>But for all his threatning, &s;he would not h<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">ld her tongue; That &s;he kept walking &s;till, till <HI>Smugs</HI> fi&s;ts walked about her eares.</P>
<P>There was &s;uch a &s;ore Ba<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="apex" EXTENT="1 letter">taile in the bed between them, as I thinke never was &s;eene between Bed fellowes before; and had not a Candle and a cleane paire of Sheets beene quickly carried up to part them, there would have been great bloud-&s;hed.</P>
<CLOSER><SIGNED>THO: BREVVER.</SIGNED></CLOSER>
</DIV2>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 TYPE="poem">
<PB REF="20">
<HEAD>SMUG'S <HI>Gho&s;t,</HI></HEAD>
<LG>
<L>VVHen with the Ayrie E&s;&s;ence &s;empiterne,</L>
<L>You might a Body (now is du&s;t di&s;cerne)</L>
<L>I was of many &s;et by for Mirth:</L>
<L>Good Company I lov'd with all my heart,</L>
<L>And like a boone Companion play'd my part,</L>
<L>(It was fore &s;poken at my houre of Birth.)</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Heart-eating &s;orrow ne're with me remain'd,</L>
<L>While I your &s;hape, as I have &s;aid retain'd,</L>
<L>My Cogitations were all Airy light:</L>
<L>I ne're lov'd Hoarder, nor the hoarding &s;inne,</L>
<L>That coyne my labour brought me one day in,</L>
<L>I &s;pent in plea&s;ure e're the next dayes night.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>Mad Mr. <HI>Peter,</HI> and my Red fac'd <HI>Hoa&s;t,</HI></L>
<L>My dapper <HI>Par&s;on,</HI> whom of all I mo&s;t</L>
<L>Entirely loved for his merry vaine:</L>
<L>And <HI>Banks</HI> the Miller that poor thin check'd knave,</L>
<L>That holpe to beare my body to the Grave,</L>
<L>Were men of mettle, of a perfect &s;traine.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The&s;e men and I, made up a matchle&s;s Crew</L>
<L>For merry Meetings, till the ground look'd blew&punc;</L>
<L>We'd &s;it and &s;end, our &s;oaking Healths about:</L>
<L>We'd &s;ometime Thieve together in the darke,</L>
<L>To fetch a fea&s;t of Veni&s;on from the Parke,</L>
<L>And where we came we made a fearfull rout.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L><HI>Then grant my</HI> Gho&s;t <HI>this, though our bones be rotten,</HI></L>
<L><HI>Our Names may live, and never be forgotten.</HI></L>
</LG>
<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
</DIV1>
</BODY>
<BACK>
<DIV1 TYPE="illustration">
<PB REF="21">
<L>Here<HI> SMVG </HI>the<HI> SMITH, </HI>with leave of his Ho&s;t:</L>
<L>Doth baffle the Keepers, vpon a Signe-Po&s;t.</L>
<P><FIGURE>
</FIGURE></P>
<P>LONDON, Printed for <HI>Francis Coles,</HI> dwelling in the Old-Baily, 1567.</P>
<PB REF="21">
</DIV1>
</BACK>
</TEXT>
</EEBO>
</ETS>
