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<DATE>2007-05-23</DATE>
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<NAME>Pip Willcox</NAME>
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<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="tract">
<PB N="1" REF="1" MS="y">
<HEAD>Harry Hangman's Honour:
OR,
<HI>Glouce&s;ter</HI>-&s;hire Hangman's Reque&s;t
TO THE
Smoakers or Tobacconi&s;ts in
LONDON.</HEAD>
<OPENER><SALUTE>Gentlemen,</SALUTE></OPENER>
<P>_YOu that trade in that Weed cal|led
<HI>Herba Exotica, Herba Nico|tiana,
Petum,</HI> but commonly
called <HI>TOBACCO,</HI> and by your
Profe&s;&s;ion are called <HI>Smoakers,</HI>
or <HI>Tobacconi&s;ts;</HI> give me leave
to addre&s;s my &s;elf unto you,
and make my Grievances
known; fora&s;much as I under&s;tand, that the very
&s;ame thing which offends me, is al&s;o very offen&s;ive
unto you: and I &s;hall gladly a&s;&s;i&s;t you to the pre&s;ent
Power, for a redre&s;s of tho&s;e our Grievances.</P>
<P><PB N="2" REF="2">
But take it not ill at my hands, that I &s;hould offer
to a&s;&s;ociate my &s;elf with you: for I &s;hall prove my
Place and Calling to be far before and beyond
yours, for
<LIST>
<ITEM>1. Antiquity,</ITEM>
<ITEM>2. Dignity,</ITEM>
<ITEM>3. Integrity,</ITEM>
<ITEM>4. Innocency,</ITEM>
<ITEM>5. Utility,</ITEM>
<ITEM>6. Nece&s;sity,</ITEM>
<ITEM>7. Piety,</ITEM>
<ITEM>8. Civility.</ITEM>
</LIST></P>
<P>1. For <HI>Antiquity;</HI> I &s;hall be able to prove, that
there was a Hangman in <HI>Glouce&s;ter</HI>-&s;hire, before there
was any Smoaker or Tobacconi&s;t in <HI>London:</HI> and I
doubt not but I &s;hall produce a Coat of Arms, not
from <HI>William</HI> the Norman Conqueror, Dane or Sa|xon;
but from <HI>Julius Cae&s;ar,</HI> 1600 yeers &s;ince, who
brought the Romanes fir&s;t into this Nation: and
with them came in this death which I inflict upon
offenders.</P>
<P>2. For <HI>Dignity,</HI> My place is above the Judges;
and if above the Judges, much more above yours.
That it is above the Judges, I'll prove it: for although
the Felon or Murderer be apprehended, by the Ju|&s;tice
of Peace committed, by per&s;ons concerned
pro&s;ecuted, by the Clerk of the A&s;&s;izes arraigned,
by the Jury convicted, by the Judge condemned;
yet Execution (which is the life of the Law) lies in
my hands. <HI>Finis coronat opus:</HI> in all Trades, he that
fini&s;heth the work, is commonly reputed the better
workman. And this I can &s;peak with confidence,
to the comfort of my &s;oul, I am as much honoured
in the hearts of the people, as any Seque&s;trator or
Exci&s;e-man in the Commonwealth of <HI>England.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="3" REF="2">
3. For <HI>Integrity,</HI> My place is far before you: ye
u&s;e mixture and compo&s;ition, compounding <HI>Engli&s;h</HI>
with <HI>Virginia, Virginia</HI> with <HI>Spani&s;h:</HI> I deal in ho|ne&s;t
plain &s;imple Hemp; and never promi&s;e a man
a good turn, but commonly I make good my word.
And indeed, I work above-board, &amp; above ground,
candidly and clearly, by vertue of no <HI>Hocus Pocus</HI>
at all, or u&s;ing fraud or deceit, cheating the State,
who&s;e &s;ervant I am. And to &s;peak truth, it behoves
me &s;o to carry my &s;elf; for the eyes of the Congre|gation
are more fixed upon me and my actions, then
they are upon the Preacher in the publike A&s;&s;em|blies:
neither do they &s;leep in my Congregation,
although they &s;it up all night, or although it be at a
Summer-Size. There is one Calling which indeed
&s;eems to a&s;pire neer my Calling; that's the Taylor;
but that hath not been originally &s;o: for anciently
the Taylor &s;ate upon the ground at work, until a
great Sow came into the Room, and caught a little
Taylor up in his mouth, and ran away with him;
&s;ince which time, the Taylor got upon the board
to work; and the rumout thereof, &s;truck &s;uch a
terror and amazement to the Taylors in <HI>London,</HI>
that ever &s;ince they work in Garrets on the top of
the hou&s;es.</P>
<P>4. For <HI>Innocency,</HI> Likewi&s;e I am before you: ye
con&s;ume either Wax, Tallow, Wa&s;te-paper, or
Fire; I con&s;ume neither, for I do my work by day-light:
I go to work after the Sun is up, and leave
work before the Sun is down.</P>
<P>4. For <HI>Utility,</HI> I am more profitable then you: I
take off ill members, as the Poet long &s;ince &s;aid,
<PB N="4" REF="3">
<HI>Sed immedicabile vulnus fune recidendum e&s;t, ne pars &s;in|cera
trabatur:</HI> and herein I go beyond your Barber-Surgeons;
Barber-Surgeons take off corrupt mem|bers
from the natural body, but withal, dull the
edge of the in&s;trument, and put the body to the
&s;ence of pain; but I am &s;o much an Arti&s;t, I never
dull the edge of the in&s;trument, or put the body po|litique
to any &s;ence of pain at all. I go beyond
Phy&s;itians too; Phy&s;itians, &s;ome, are good at one
di&s;ea&s;e; &s;ome, at other di&s;ea&s;es: but I make a per|fect
cure of all di&s;ea&s;es in my Patients at once, and
that with one Medicine.</P>
<P>6. For <HI>Nece&s;sity,</HI> Likewi&s;e I am far before you:
There is a nece&s;&s;ity of my Calling, there's none of
yours; neither you nor any man el&s;e could proper|ly
call any thing his own, that now he doth enjoy,
were it not for my Trade; nay, ye might look to
have your throats cut in your beds.</P>
<P>7. And for <HI>Piety,</HI> which is the principal thing, I
exceedingly &s;urpa&s;s you. It may be &s;aid of To|bacco,
as &s;ometime <HI>Tarlton</HI> &s;aid of Oy&s;ters, That
<HI>they were ungrateful meat, becau&s;e they were alwayes eaten
before grace;</HI> and &s;o it may be &s;aid of you, and of
your Cu&s;tomers or Friends, when you take Tobac|co,
you u&s;e no devotion at all; but now when I go
to work, there is a great deal of devotion u&s;ed; many
times &s;inging of P&s;alms, &s;aying of Prayers, &s;trong
Ejaculations, and liftings up of the heart; and I
think my Congregation is the free&s;t Congregation
in England from Hypocri&s;ie: and to tell you the
truth, I am a Preacher too, although my voyce be
low, that it cannot be heard; yet I preach by my
<PB N="5" REF="3">
works and actions, but all legal Sermons, threatning
nothing but death and mortality to the creature,
judgement without mercy; yet &s;ome crums of &s;mall
comfort I afford them, for I cheer them up by the
chin, and make them &s;ee the heavens through a hole
in a three-penny halter, not opening a wider gap, or
proclaiming more liberty then anciently hath been,
thereby de&s;troying Fundamentals, becau&s;e indeed
I took the Covenant or prote&s;tation, wherein I did
prote&s;t again&s;t all innovations, and I &s;tand to my
fir&s;t principles; how&s;oever &s;ome flexible tender
&s;pirits can take Prote&s;tations and Engagements e|very
week, and every Engagement blowing in the
face of each other; nay, although they be as long
as the Cre&s;t in my Coat of Arms, I mean, the Gal|lows
beam: and I much have &s;corned the ba&s;ene&s;s
of tho&s;e Par&s;ons that have taken the Covenant be|cau&s;e
they would get other mens livings, &amp; took the
Engagement becau&s;e they would keep them. And
indeed ye might call my Sermons Funeral Ser|mons
if you plea&s;e, but that I &s;corn to daub and
flatter, and &s;end men to heaven in halters, as &s;ome
Preachers do in coffins, for ten or twenty &s;hillings, a
mourning gown or cloak; and I might have the
upmo&s;t place at the Funeral-Table, but that when
<HI>I</HI> come to make application of the point, <HI>I</HI> cannot
&s;peak a word of commendation concerning the par|ty
decea&s;ing, or a word of con&s;olation to any of
their friends, who are &s;pectators, and my hearers. <HI>I</HI>
am above Preachers too: Preachers preach, that
a man cannot attain unto happine&s;s by natural will;
<HI>I</HI> &s;hew, and am able to teach, how men may be
<PB N="6" REF="4">
brought unto tho&s;e high attainments under my di&s;|pen&s;ation
by the freedom of a natural will, with|out
grace &s;upernatural or re&s;tringent, (onely in a
&s;tring;) and yet many that live above them&s;elves,
come up to me and die above-ground, and many
that live below Ordinances are brought up to be
acted under my admini&s;trations, and turn Quakers
before they die.</P>
<P>8. For <HI>Civility, I</HI> am to be preferred much be|fore
you: yea if a Cu&s;tomer or Friend come to you,
ye &s;ay, Sir, will ye be plea&s;ed to take or ta&s;te a pipe
of good Tobacco? here's that which is good, come,
here's a &s;ort <HI>I</HI> can commend unto you, <HI>London</HI> af|fords
not a better &s;ort, then <HI>I</HI> can &s;hew you; come,
take one pipe more, 'tis but &s;uch a hour of the day,
or &s;uch an hour of the night; and thus ye idle out
your precious time: but now, as deare&s;t friends
mu&s;t part, &s;o do we, but alwayes in due time; and
<HI>I</HI> have a priviledge before any Calling in the Com|monwealth
of <HI>England, I</HI> have the remi&s;&s;ion of
the greate&s;t action of unkindene&s;s, that one man
can po&s;&s;ibly expre&s;s to another, before it's commit|ted;
for <HI>I</HI> take him by the hand that comes to be
acted by me, and &s;ay unto him, Wilt forgive me?
Yea, &s;aith he, with all my heart; and as &s;oon as he
hath &s;aid thus, <HI>I</HI> turn a&s;ide the ladder and take away
his life. And yet the greate&s;t gallant that ever
fought a Duel upon <HI>Callice-&s;ands,</HI> never comes off
with &s;o much honour and credit as <HI>I</HI> do; for he,
if he kill his adver&s;ary, as he be&s;mears his &s;word
with blood, &s;o he be&s;muts his &s;oul for ever with
the guilt thereof, unle&s;s wip'd off by a more preci|ous:
<PB N="7" REF="4">
and it mu&s;t be murther or man&s;laughter at
the be&s;t; but <HI>I</HI> do my work &s;o artificially, <HI>I</HI> never
&s;hed one drop of blood, 'tis neither murther, nor
man&s;laughter, but an act of ju&s;tice; and herein <HI>I</HI>
come off more a Gentleman, then the be&s;t of them.</P>
<P>By this time, Gentlemen, <HI>I</HI> hope you will admit
of my Society, and accept of my a&s;&s;i&s;tance in the
pro&s;ecution of the de&s;igne for the remedy of tho&s;e
our grievances.</P>
<P>And now, Gentlemen, <HI>I</HI> cannot but tell you, it
hath been a &s;ad thing to my &s;pirit, to &s;ee &s;ome of
you written E&s;quires, mo&s;t or all of you called Gen|tlemen,
and <HI>I</HI> all this while but plain <HI>Harry Hang|man.</HI></P>
<P>The truth is, Gentlemen, the very planting of
Tobacco hath proved the decay of my Trade: for
&s;ince it hath been planted in <HI>Glouce&s;ter</HI>-&s;hire, e&s;peci|ally
at <HI>Winchcomb,</HI> my trade hath proved nothing
worth. It's well known, that for &s;everal A&s;&s;izes
at <HI>Glouce&s;ter I</HI> have had but three &s;uits of clothes at
a Size, and at &s;ome A&s;&s;izes no &s;uit of cloathes at all;
onely by great luck and good fortune, <HI>I</HI> had four
this yeer. Is it not a &s;ad thing, when a mans wife
&s;hall meet him coming from work, and &s;hall ask, <HI>O
husband, what trade at Glouce&s;ter to yeer?</HI> and when <HI>I</HI>
have told her, <HI>But onely three &s;uits of clothes, and very
little money;</HI> &s;he hath &s;aid to me, <HI>Husband, if this
trade hold, we may go hang our &s;elves; and were it not
but onely for the credit of being a States officer, you &s;hould
never follow the trade more.</HI></P>
<P>It's well known, that heretofore <HI>I</HI> was u&s;ed to
keep <HI>Deerhur&s;t</HI>-Fayre, a place in <HI>Glouce&s;ter</HI>-&s;hire fa|mous
<PB N="8" REF="5">
for three things; old Clothes, Lice, and &s;hit|ten
Stiles.</P>
<P>1. For old Clothes, becau&s;e the comers there|unto
wanted money to buy new.</P>
<P>2. For Lice, they have been &s;o proper, goodly,
fat and tall, that a Lou&s;e from that Fayre, according
to his proportion and &s;tature, hath carried as much
Tallow as an Ox that comes within Smithfield|bars;
and, that he hath marched about the Table
carrying a half crown upon his &s;houlders, onely for
his recreation &s;ake, they that have &s;een it can &s;peak
it by experience.</P>
<P>3. Famous for &s;hitten Stiles, and that's conceived
to be done out of State-policy, to pre&s;erve the place
from any infection, or contagion that might be left
there, by means of cloaths coming from di&s;ea&s;ed
parts and places; for take a fre&s;h &s;toole from a &s;weet
proper beautiful Lady or Gentlewoman, aged for|ty
yeers, being wrap'd up in a &s;weet, clean linen
Handkerchief, and applied unto the No&s;e, it is an
excellent Antidote again&s;t the Plague; the juyce
whereof being &s;trained into a di&s;h, dipping a liquo|ri&s;h
&s;tick into the &s;ame, and anointing the lips and
teeth therewith, and chewing the &s;ame, cures the
Tooth-ache, kills the Cankers, and is good for the
Cough of the Lungs, and is as good in the judge|ment
of the learned Phy&s;itian, as a receipt taken
from a cheating Mountebank upon a Stage; and
had it but one operation more with it, to pre&s;erve
the Father of lyes from lying between the lips of
men, it were the mo&s;t precious Medicine in the
World. They that have tried it, can &s;et a <HI>probatum</HI>
upon it.</P>
<P><PB N="9" REF="5">
This <HI>Deerhur&s;t</HI>-Fayre I have kept many yeers, at
both Fayrs, and with eight, ten, twelve &s;uits of
Cloaths at a Fayr, and &s;ome of the &s;ame Cloaths
that I &s;old there, at one Fayr, were brought to me
at the next A&s;&s;izes; then Trading was &s;omething
worth, then 'twas a merry World with me: for
indeed before Tobacco was there planted, there
being no kinde of Trade to employ men, and very
&s;mall Tillage, nece&s;&s;ity compelled poor men to
&s;tand my Friends, by &s;tealing of &s;heep, and other
Cattel, breaking of Hedges, robbing of Orchards,
and what not? in&s;omuch, that the place became
famous for Rognes, as 'twas taken up in a Proverb
by many that &s;tood on the top of <HI>Breedon</HI>-hill view|ing
the Country, would &s;ay, <HI>Yonder is rich</HI> Wor|ce&s;ter,
<HI>brave</HI> Glouce&s;ter, <HI>proud</HI> Tewksbury, <HI>begger|ly</HI>
Eve&s;ham, <HI>drunken</HI> Per&s;hore, <HI>and rogui&s;h</HI> Winch|combe.
And Bridewel was erected there, to be a
terrour to idle per&s;ons; but &s;ince Tobacco was
planted there, Bridewel marched away in di&s;con|tent
to <HI>Gloucester,</HI> thinking to finde &s;ome idle per|&s;ons
among the Souldiers; but when it came there,
it found none of the Souldiers idle, &s;ome &s;lept on
their Beds, others &s;lept on the Guard; &s;ome playing
at Ball, others playing at Skittles: thereupon the
Countrey having be&s;towed &s;ix hundred pounds to
put a &s;uit of Cloaths on Bridewel's back, they had
none to put into it, but the Keeper and his Wife; I
dare not &s;ay, The Country were cheated of one
half of the money; and if there be no toleration
given to them, they mu&s;t either beg, fami&s;h or &s;teal;
they have lived hand&s;omely by their labour, and
<PB N="10" REF="6">
now they are loath to go a begging: fami&s;h they
will not, for hunger will break &s;tone walls, that's
burglary; and if they go to &s;teal in the fields, they
will be quickly brought over to me. Gentlemen,
we may be in&s;trumental to do each other good;
you may &s;erve me, and I &s;hall be glad to &s;erve you
in any office that falls within the power of your
poor Servant,</P>
<CLOSER><SIGNED>Harry Hang-man.</SIGNED></CLOSER>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 TYPE="discourse">
<HEAD>The DISCOURSE between the
Hang-man and his Wife.</HEAD>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>HUsband, did not I tell you at the beginning of
the troubles, when you &s;ee the Kingdom run
mad, and &s;o many thou&s;ands run to cut each others throats,
and one neighbour ready to hang another, could you ima|gine,
that ever your Trade would be good again? I may well
&s;ay, they were mad, when &s;o many thou&s;ands lo&s;t their preci|ous
lives, and to this day know not what they fought for,
more then for their pay.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Yes, Wife, I'll tell thee what they fought
<PB N="11" REF="6">
for; The Liberty of the Subject, and the Priviledges
of Parliament.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>The liberty of the Subject, and priviledges of
Parliament! but where is it?</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Speak one word more of that, I'll lace
your Coat with the be&s;t halter I have.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>What need you to be &s;o angry, Husband? I
thought it had been nothing but paper, becau&s;e I was wont
to &s;ee men hold papers before their eyes, and &s;ay, <HI>Liberty of
Subject, and priviledges of Parliament:</HI> and truely I
thought, that the &s;ame accident had befallen it, as befel the
Engagement which the poor man went to <HI>Eve&s;home</HI> to
take, and bringing it home in his pocket with &s;ome crums
of bread and chee&s;e, laying it upon a &s;tool by the fire-&s;ide,
the hungry dog, that prophane car, eat both crums of bread
and chee&s;e and Engagement together; in&s;omuch, that the
poor man and his wife could willingly have hanged the dog,
but onely for fear of bringing them&s;elves into trouble, for
hanging the dog and the Engagement together.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>No, Wife, I partly under&s;tand my &s;elf, as
well as another man doth, I'll tell thee what the li|berty
of the Subject and the priviledges of Parlia|ment
were; they were two Ceremonies &s;etting
forth the&s;e things: 1. The liberty of the Subject
was a type and figure of that licentiou&s;ne&s;s that
&s;ome men &s;hould a&s;&s;ume unto them&s;elves in the&s;e
dayes of reformation, to live as they li&s;t, and others
to do what they plea&s;e. 2. By priviledges of Par|liament,
were lively and notably &s;haddowed forth,
tho&s;e many excellent, good and precious things
which &s;ome men have attained unto in the&s;e times,
by &s;eeking them&s;elves; and now the &s;ub&s;tance be|ing
<PB N="12" REF="7">
come, the Ceremonies mu&s;t needs be aboli&s;h|ed.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>Ah, Husband, I might have gone to Church
long enough to a Preacher, before I &s;hould have heard any
&s;uch matter.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>I think &s;o too, for Preachers are not the
be&s;t Interpreters of the&s;e things; old Parliament|men
and Officers of the State give the plaine&s;t ex|planation
of this truth; and we &s;ee it by experience,
and experimental knowledge is the be&s;t: and 'tis
as cleer to me, as the Gallows at Summer Sizes.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>But, Husband, what is all this to us? you had
been better have been ruled by me, and followed my coun&s;el.
Did not I per&s;wade you to leave your Calling, when Trading
grew dead, and turn Exci&s;e-man? though it were a Place
below you, there were &s;ome hone&s;t men of the Trade; and
at the beginning when it was fir&s;t &s;et up, you might have
got the grace of forgetfulne&s;s, and kept money in your
hands, and you could have but paid for it at last, if it had
been called for. O no, not you, that would be a di&s;parage|ment
unto your reputation.</P>
</SP>
<P>2. I per&s;waded you to turn Seque&s;trator: O no, not you
for&s;ooth, you were the man to whom the Judges were &s;o
much beholding, for turning their promi&s;es into per|formances,
(they indeed, as you then could tell me, could
&s;ay) Thou &s;halt go to the place from whence thou came&s;t,
and thence to the place of execution; but without you, what
&s;hould he do there? and thus your ambition and confidence
in the Judges favour, could more take with you, then any
per&s;wa&s;ion of mine.</P>
<P>Had you turned Seque&s;trator, you might have informed
again&s;t a man, or procured others to have informed: pro|vided
<PB N="13" REF="7">
alwayes, it had been &s;uch a man that had &s;ome con&s;ide|rable
e&s;tate, and then you could not ordinarily have wanted
witne&s;&s;es upon &s;ome con&s;iderations to prove his malignancy:
then be&s;ides the &s;alary, having &s;eized his goods, you might
have prized it at a low rate, compounding with him upon
condition he &s;hould give you ten or twenty pounds, according
to the proportion of his goods and &s;tock; and if he would not
rent his Land him&s;elf, you might have &s;et it to his loving
neighbours, and then you might have terrified other Far|mers
and Yeomen in the Country, telling them, That they
&s;ent Money, Hor&s;e, Arms, Plate into the King's Quarters,
or you were rai&s;ing money at &s;uch a time and place, and then
rather then they would be brought upon the &s;tage, they would
have given you ten or twenty pounds to hold your peace: not
you, your honour lay in the way. Ah, hang this honour!</P>
<P>Then I per&s;waded you to obtain friends to be a Committee|man
in the Country. Oh not you! though you had not the
&s;ame regard, yet you had the &s;ame guard as the Judges had.
I gave you all the encouragement I could, and told you what
good opinion the Country had of you, which was, that you had
as good a face and as hone&s;t a face as &s;ome of them: then you
might have &s;et Delinquents e&s;tates worth two or three thou|&s;and
pounds a yeer, for two or three hundred: &s;ix hundred for
one hundred and fifty pounds, and got money of the owners of
the lands, to &s;et them good bargains, and &s;o cheated on both
&s;ides.</P>
<P>And when you had received four or five hundred pounds
into your hands, you might have paid it to the Captains and
Lieutenants the one half, upon condition you &s;hould keep the
other.</P>
<P>I per&s;waded you to &s;tand up for a Captain's place: not you,
your valour had been &s;o great, that you had &s;howen your face
where the be&s;t of the~ would be a&s;hamed to &s;hew theirs. Then
you might have made fal&s;e mu&s;ters, when fal&s;e mu&s;ters were
in fa&s;hion; you might have mu&s;ter'd ten, &s;ixteen, twenty, thirty
men in a day more then you had, or by making one man an|&s;wer
to two or three names, and then bought your Souldiers
Debenters, at 3^s 4^d the pound, or thereabouts; and then a|way
<PB N="14" REF="8">
to <HI>Gurney-hou&s;e, Worce&s;ter-hou&s;e,</HI> and got Bi&s;hoys, Deans
and Chapters lands, Kings lands, Kings rents, and the like:
and then to that you pleaded tenderne&s;s, for&s;ooth, 'twas again&s;t
the hair, and it would bring a cur&s;e upon what was well got|ten.
O that you had been at <HI>Hereford,</HI> when that City was
plundered, when the Country and City in a &s;hort time &s;u&s;tain|ed
the lo&s;s of 300000 l. had you had a command then, e&s;pe|cially
of Hor&s;e; and likewi&s;e at <HI>Worce&s;ter,</HI> when that was
taken, how bravely did that &s;et up many Souldiers and other
Trade&s;men, who had brave bargains to encrea&s;e their &s;tocks?</P>
<P>And then I per&s;waded you to turn Gullector for the years
44 and 45. for Briti&s;h mony as 'twas then kir&s;ned, when its
thought there was a general cheat over the whole Nation:
an in&s;tance may very well be given by our County, and Coun|ty
of the City, when the tax laid upon them for two yeers, a|mounted
unto thirteen thou&s;and nine hundred &s;eventy pound,
or thereabout, and not 40 <HI>l.</HI> left in arrear, and but 8000 <HI>l.</HI>
brought into the trea&s;ury, as acknowledged by the Trea&s;urer;
and your Secretary can &s;peak &s;omething to that bu&s;ine&s;s, who
was part of the time imployed in the &s;ervice, by way of re|ceiving.</P>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Call him hither.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>Ah poor man! he is not, neither hath been well, ever
&s;ince the la&s;t A&s;&s;izes: for as he &s;aid, He waited upon you then,
and &s;aw you execute two poor men, one for picking of a pocket
of 12 <HI>s.</HI> and another for picking of a pocket of 30 <HI>s.</HI> when there
are many, and &s;ome of them great ones too, that have pick'd
the pockets of thou&s;ands <HI>cum privilegio,</HI> with a face of autho|rity,
and nothing as yet &s;aid to them: but here he comes, let him
&s;peak for him&s;elf.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Secr.</SPEAKER>
<P>Sir, what my Mi&s;tre&s;s hath &s;aid, is true; and this I can
&s;ay, That I went thrice to <HI>London</HI> to make a di&s;covery of the
&s;ame, not &s;o much for con&s;cience, as for that I had an old publick
&s;pirit, and was willing to do good to my &s;elf, and the Common|wealth
too, hoping to have &s;omething for the di&s;covery; but
pur&s;e and patience being &s;pent, I returned as wi&s;e as I went.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>But prethee, Wife, tell me, with what face could I
gather contribution from others, when I my &s;elf pay none? our
<PB N="15" REF="8">
Calling being freed from it: And it's upon this account, becau&s;e
there is an Ordinance which exempts Ho&s;pitals and Schools; and
upon the matter, I am a School-ma&s;ter, for I read moral Philo|&s;ophy,
&amp; teach men good manners, as it is written in the Primer,
To keep their hands from picking and &s;tealing: and when my
Scholars will not receive admonition, then all the correction I
give, is to tie them to the good behaviour.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>I'll tell ye what cour&s;e you &s;hall take; go and &s;ollicite
cau&s;es for Mini&s;ters before the Commi&s;&s;ioners for approbation;
there is a friend and a neighbour of ours hath got a great deal of
mony there, who hath been able to pa&s;s and repa&s;s men; yea, able
to detain men from Augmentations and Par&s;onages, who are re|puted
able men, and help very able Dunces to pa&s;s by; and his
word hath been taken, before a Certificate &s;igned by the Maior
and Aldermen of our City: which hath cau&s;ed the Commi&s;&s;ioners
to be as much admired for their &s;implicity, as approved of by o|thers
for their known integrity.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>I am not a Scholar.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>You are more a Scholar then he is; for it's known that
he can neither write nor read, and you have your Neck-ver&s;e.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Truely, Wife, I have heard the Gentleman much com|mended
for a great Scholar, &amp; that he far &s;urpa&s;&s;eth Sir <HI>Oliver
Fleming</HI> the Lord Protector's Interpreter; for he is able to read
Hebrew, Greek, Latine, Italian, Syriack, Arabick, Chaldee,
and all other Tongues and Languages expre&s;t in <HI>Weem</HI>'s book of
Antiquities, the names of the Tongues and Languages taking up
a leaf in quarto: and all the&s;e he can read as well as Engli&s;h,
which is the main thing that brings him in that great e&s;teem with
the Commi&s;&s;ioners.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>That's but a je&s;t put upon him, becau&s;e he cannot read
Engli&s;h.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Is that it? But I know little in matters of Religion.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>No matter for that, a little Religion will &s;erve turn;
get but a form of words, that will do; learn the language of the
hone&s;t Officers of the Army, and ingratiate your &s;elf with the
Gentlemen in private, and tell them, Such a man is a gadly man,
deriving the word from <HI>Gad,</HI> the brother of <HI>Many-a&s;&s;es,</HI> as &s;ome
of them are; tell them, that &s;uch a man is hone&s;t in the main, <HI>&amp;c.</HI>
<PB N="16" REF="9">
but be &s;ure to arm your &s;elf with confidence, and a good porti|on
of impudence, that will &s;tand in great &s;tead: and le&s;t Mr.
<HI>Mar&s;ton</HI> &s;hould print you for a Bribe-taker, Broker, and For|ger
of hands, help him to a living, and &s;top his mouth. But make
ha&s;te, for the Commi&s;&s;ioners are but of humane in&s;titution, and
down they will and mu&s;t.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>Thou ha&s;t told me of many undertakings: if &s;uch
things &s;hould fall out again, how &s;hould I do by Con&s;cience?</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Wife.</SPEAKER>
<P>I am a&s;hamed to hear you &s;peak, a man of &s;uch a trade
as you have; I'll tell thee, <HI>Harry,</HI> put a threepenny halter in
thy pocket, and wherever thou meete&s;t him, hang him: but put
that edge-tool out of thy pocket again; for if the devil and a bad
con&s;cience meet together. they may do you a &s;hrewd turn; but
fear him &s;oundly with a hot-iron, and then he will never trouble
you until the hour of death; and when you finde your &s;elf
begin to be &s;ick, then hang your &s;elf. But further, there are a
&s;ort of very knowing me~ who are of opinion, that there is nothing
&s;in, but what a man apprehends to be &s;in; no day of judgement,
unle&s;s a man apprehend that there is a day of judgement, and no
hell hereafter: and get to be of <HI>Pythagoras</HI> opinion, (of which
&s;ome are at this day) who held the tran&s;migration of the Soul,
that when it goes out of one body. it enters into another: get ac|quaintance
with &s;uch per&s;ons, learn and believe the&s;e things;
and then, when the Soul departs out of this body of yours, it
enters into another, and there let it &s;hift for it &s;elf as well as it can,
we &s;hall live happily in the mean &s;ea&s;on.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P><HI>Secretary,</HI> I am a little proud of thy &s;ervice, becau&s;e
thou ha&s;t &s;erved the State, and art now come to &s;erve me; I do
promi&s;e at the next A&s;&s;izes thou &s;halt have the ends of all the
halters, and peradventure a whole one may fall to thy &s;hare.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Secr.</SPEAKER>
<P>That's more then I de&s;ire.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Husb.</SPEAKER>
<P>But not much more then thou de&s;erve&s;t.</P>
</SP>
<SP>
<SPEAKER>Secr.</SPEAKER>
<P>Keep your halters, Ma&s;ters for if all great Thieves &s;hould
come to the Gallows, you may want halters afore your die, and
one to ble&s;s your &s;elf.</P>
</SP>
<TRAILER>The Smoakers An&s;wer your may expect.</TRAILER>
<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
</DIV1>
</BODY>
</TEXT>
</EEBO>
</ETS>
