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<DATE>2006-01-04</DATE>
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<NAME>Jonathan Blaney</NAME>
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<IDG S="marc" R="OX" ID="A70310">
<STC T="W">H422A</STC>
<BIBNO T="oclc">11168896</BIBNO>
<VID>46500</VID>
</IDG>
<TEXT LANG="eng">
<FRONT>
<DIV1 TYPE="title page">
<PB REF="1">
<PB REF="1" MS="y">
<P>THE
TRAVELS
OF
<HI>Don Franci&s;co De</HI>
QUEVEDO,
Through Terra Au&s;tralis Incognita. Di&s;covering The
Laws, Cu&s;toms, Manners and Fa&s;hions,
Of The South Indians. A NOVEL.</P>
<P>Originally in Spani&s;h.</P>
<P><Q>Omne tulit punctum qui mi&s;cuit utile dulci.</Q></P>
<P>LONDON, Printed for <HI>William Grantham,</HI> at the
<HI>Crown</HI> and <HI>Pearl,</HI> over again&s;t <HI>Exeter-Change,</HI>
in the <HI>Strand.</HI> 1684.</P>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 TYPE="frontispiece">
<P><PB REF="2">
<FIGURE>
<P>Quevedo's Travell's.</P>
</FIGURE></P>
<P>Printed for William Grantham
Booke-&s;eller in the Strand.</P>
<P><GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 letter">Draperitier. &s;culp.</P>
<PB REF="2">
<GAP DESC="duplicate" EXTENT="1 page">
</DIV1>
<DIV1 TYPE="to the reader">
<PB REF="3">
<PB REF="3" MS="y">
<HEAD>TO THE
READER.</HEAD>
<OPENER><SALUTE>Reader,</SALUTE></OPENER>
<P>YOv are not to Attribute
what follows, to any vanity in
the <HI>Tran&s;lator;</HI> as if like
<HI>Pigmalion</HI> he had been in
Love with his Work; he values <HI>Po|pular
Applau&s;e,</HI> as a <HI>Tran&s;ient Air,</HI>
that vani&s;hes into an <HI>In&s;ignificant
Nothing.</HI></P>
<P>Vnder this Allegory, the too much
prevailing <HI>Fopperies,</HI> and <HI>Vices</HI> of va|rious
&s;orts of People, are lively repre|&s;ented,
and expo&s;ed to the World, to
<PB REF="4">
the end that they may be per&s;waded
from, or made a&s;ham'd of them.</P>
<P>Preambles and Allegories, have been
u&s;ed in <HI>Sacred Writ;</HI> yet not cen&s;ured
as <HI>Romantick;</HI> and though this Pe|regrination
is repre&s;ented in the Na|ture
of a <HI>Romance;</HI> it is only with
an intent by Delightful Vanity, <HI>To
Plea&s;e and Convince at the &s;ame
time, Omne tulit punctum qui mi&s;|cuit
utile dulci,</HI> profitable things in|termixt
with delightful are Capti|vating.</P>
<P>Here is Brisk Ingenious Fancy; and
<HI>Satyrical</HI> enough again&s;t the u&s;ual Vi|ces,
and <HI>Ragnant Roguries</HI> of both
<HI>Sexes;</HI> (for I think that word may
be u&s;ed in a <HI>Feminine,</HI> as well as a
<HI>Ma&s;culine</HI> Sence;) if your fancy in|cline
to read it, you may; if not, you
may let it alone.</P>
<P>Touching the Original; Know, 'twas
my good hap to Arrive at <HI>Bilboa,</HI> ju&s;t
when this Ingenious Piece of Antiqui|ty
in <HI>Manu&s;cript,</HI> was taking Po&s;t
<PB REF="4">
from a <HI>Chandles Shop,</HI> to the <HI>Land</HI>
of <HI>Oblivian.</HI> By this means I had
the Opportunity and Succe&s;s, to Re|deem
from the Teeth of time, and ve|ry
Paw of De&s;truction, This &s;o Admi|rable
and plea&s;ing a <HI>Tract, Origi|nally
in Spani&s;h;</HI> who&s;e beauty ap|peared
to me in <HI>Tatter'd Robes,</HI> to
be the very <HI>Emblem</HI> of <HI>Eternity,</HI> it
having neither begining nor end; and
therefore the more ju&s;tly I call it a
piece of Antiquity.</P>
<P>It was very much defaced; <HI>Time</HI>
or <HI>Accident</HI> having <HI>Worn,</HI> or <HI>Torn</HI>
out tho&s;e <HI>Characters,</HI> which &s;erve for
di&s;tinction of <HI>Ages;</HI> as al&s;o our <HI>Tra|vellers</HI>
Name; Except in one place,
where was Remaining thus much of
the <HI>Mou&s;e-eaten Author, <HI>Don Q.</HI></HI>
And from hence I concluded, it mu&s;t
be either <HI>Quevedo,</HI> or <HI>Quixot;</HI>
but that it was rather the former:
I offer this Rea&s;on.</P>
<P>Becau&s;e, He of all the Spacious and
Flouri&s;hing <HI>Kingdom</HI> of <HI>Ca&s;tile,</HI> was
<PB REF="5">
only Valiant to a Miracle: He that
never flinch'd at a Voyage to tho&s;e
Dangerous <HI>Caverns,</HI> in <HI>Plutos Sub|terranean
Dominions;</HI> was only capable
to undertake this &s;o hazardous a Jour|ney;
Through the Confines of <HI>Terra
Au&s;tralis Incognita.</HI></P>
<P>But you may An&s;wer, that was but
a <HI>Dream,</HI> Why? may be &s;o too; and
what if this &s;hould prove no more, for
it &s;eems as unlikely to be reall as
that; but I hope if our Circum&s;tances
can prove our Indefatigable <HI>Don</HI> the
<HI>Author,</HI> it will be &s;ufficient to gain
your good Opinion, and Acceptance;
and pray why may not we allow him
to walk in his &s;leep, as well upon the
<HI>Surface</HI> of the <HI>Terre&s;tial</HI> Globe, as to
the <HI>Centre.</HI></P>
<P>And further to Convince you, I
a&s;&s;ure you the <HI>Spani&s;h</HI> was excellent|ly
Smooth and Eloquent, in which our
Elaborate <HI>Don</HI> was the <HI>Non&s;uch.</HI></P>
<P>But then Indeed the Character was
<HI>Black, Knotty, Rough</HI> and <HI>Uneven;</HI>
<PB REF="5">
Like the Notes in <HI>Gamut,</HI> well un|der&s;tood
by him; but allmo&s;t uninte|ligable
to a Shallow Capacity. And
hence a &s;eeming Objection may ari&s;e,
in the Opinions of &s;uch as knew the
fairne&s;s of his Writing: but in my
Conceipt, is an&s;wered with this Que&s;ti|on.</P>
<P>Think you that his intimacy with
the <HI>Internals,</HI> could not obtain for
his Attendant, one of <HI>Plutos Secre|taries,</HI>
to note, and tran&s;cribe what his
Curio&s;ity Ob&s;erved; yes doubtle&s;s;
and 'tis the rather my Opinion, be|cau&s;e
it &s;eem'd to be Written with
a <HI>Cloven hoof.</HI></P>
<P>If &s;o, how far the Courte&s;ie exceed|ed
Common favours, Judg ye, when
the <HI>Devil</HI> to Accomodate him, &s;hould
leave tho&s;e <HI>Hot Subterranean Man|&s;ions,</HI>
and expo&s;e him&s;elf to the <HI>Sharp
Ayr,</HI> under the <HI>South Pole,</HI> and run
the hazard of getting a <HI>Kenti&s;h Ague.</HI></P>
<P>From the&s;e Arguments I Conclude
in the Affirmative, and I would have
<PB REF="6">
you do &s;o too; and then as &s;oon as you
will <HI>Hoi&s;t</HI> out the <HI>Boat,</HI> and <HI>A&s;hore
all hands, to make new Di&s;cove|ries.</HI></P>
<P>While I (Somewhat too &s;tiff to
Complement, after &s;o toyl&s;om a Jour|ney)
will make bold to Re&s;t,</P>
<CLOSER><SIGNED> Thine in good Earne&s;t, R. S.</SIGNED></CLOSER>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 TYPE="table of contents">
<PB REF="6">
<HEAD>AN
INDEX.</HEAD>
<LIST>
<ITEM><HI>THe Di&s;covery of the Land of</HI> Belly-All-Main,
<HI>a part of the</HI> South In|dies,
<HI>Called,</HI> Terra Au&s;tralis Incognita,
<HI>Bordering upon</HI> Terra Dell Fuego. Pag. 1.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Eat-All-Main <HI>or</HI> Gluttonia. p. 3.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Dre&s;&s;ingburgh, <HI>the fir&s;t Canton of</HI>
Eat-all-main. p. 5.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Banquetois, <HI>the &s;econd Canton of</HI> Eat-all-main.
p. 9.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Pewter-Plateria, <HI>the third Canton of</HI>
Eat-all-main. p. 11.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Metropolitan City of</HI> Eat-all-main,
<HI>called,</HI> Fle&s;h-Pa&s;ti-Nople. p. 12.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The Wars of the</HI> Eat-all-mains. p. 23.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Idle-Burgh, <HI>and Imperial free Town.</HI>
p. 25.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The Religion of the</HI> Eat-all-mains. p. 28.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The Laws of the</HI> Eat-all-mains. p. 31.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Election of the Great Duke.</HI> p. 34.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Starvling I&s;land <HI>or</HI> Hungerland. p. 43.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Drink-all-main, <HI>the &s;econd Province of</HI>
Belly-all-main. p. 44.</ITEM>
<PB REF="7">
<ITEM><HI>Of the Shires of the Province of</HI> Drink-all-main.
p. 46.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The De&s;cription of</HI> Carou&s;i-Kanikin, <HI>the
chief City of</HI> Drink-all-main; <HI>as al&s;o
the Fa&s;hions, and Manners of the</HI> Drink-all-mains.
p. 49.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the</HI> Knights <HI>of the</HI> Golden Tun, <HI>&amp; the
Laws of the</HI> Drink-all-mains. p. 59.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Arts, and Military Di&s;ciplines of
the</HI> Drink-all-mains. p. 63.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Funerals of one of the Chief</HI> Quag|miri&s;t's.
p. 65.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Brandy-Burgh, <HI>or</HI> Liquor-Ardens;
<HI>and of the</HI> Pilgrimage <HI>of</HI> St. Brochio.
p. 69.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>A De&s;cription of</HI> Bottles-Brook. p. 77.</ITEM>
</LIST>
<LIST>
<HEAD>The Second Part.</HEAD>
<ITEM><HI>THe De&s;cription of</HI> Woman-Decoia:
<HI>Or</HI> Shee-Landt, <HI>of the Scituation
and Parts thereof.</HI> p. 81.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>How</HI> Quevedo <HI>was u&s;ed by the</HI> Go&s;&s;ip-Ingoe&s;&s;es.
p. 83.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Their Forms of Government, and Elections
of Per&s;ons of State.</HI> p. 87.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The Original of the</HI> Shee-Lande&s;&s;es. p. 90.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Giglot-Tangier. p. 92.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Shrews-Burgh. p. 96.</ITEM>
</LIST>
<LIST>
<PB REF="7">
<HEAD>The Third Part.</HEAD>
<ITEM><HI>OF the Scituation of</HI> Fooliana <HI>and Po|pulou&s;ne&s;s
thereof.</HI> Pag. 107.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The Parts of</HI> Fooliana, <HI>and the Peoples con|ditions
in General.</HI> p. 109.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Fooliana <HI>the Fickle.</HI> p. 116.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Peoples Conditions &amp; Attire.</HI> p. 119.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Fooliana <HI>the Fond.</HI> p. 126.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> A&s;s-Sex. p. 128.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Cities of</HI> Cock&s;com-baya <HI>and</HI> A&s;s-Sex,
<HI>and of</HI> Blocks-ford <HI>the Metropo|litan.</HI>
p. 131.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Marqui&s;ate of</HI> Spendall-ezza. p. 140.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Clawback-Court. p. 143.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Fooliana <HI>the Fat.</HI> p. 147.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The Quality and Conditions of the People.</HI>
p. 150.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Paradice of</HI> Fooliana <HI>the Fat.</HI>
p. 155.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Fooliana <HI>the Devout.</HI> p. 162.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The State Publick of</HI> Fooliana <HI>the De|vout.</HI>
p. 165.</ITEM>
</LIST>
<LIST>
<PB REF="8">
<HEAD>The Fourth Part.</HEAD>
<ITEM><HI>THe De&s;cription of</HI> Theevingenia, <HI>its
Scituation.</HI> p. 169.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The Conditions of the</HI> Robbers-Walders.
p. 171.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>The</HI> Pyrates <HI>and</HI> Sea-Borderers <HI>of</HI> Rob|bers
Waldt. p. 177.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of</HI> Lyers-bury-Plain, <HI>and of the City of</HI>
Pick-Pocket-Angul; <HI>with the Nature
of the</HI> Liegerdemanians. p. 179.</ITEM>
<ITEM><HI>Of the Province of</HI> Still-Moore: <HI>Or,</HI> Nun|quam
Satis. p. 190.</ITEM>
</LIST>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 TYPE="prologue">
<PB REF="8">
<HEAD>A
Prologue.</HEAD>
<L>REports by hear-&s;ay, who will credit?</L>
<L>What though the Pari&s;h-Par&s;on &s;aidit?</L>
<L>But that the Truth may pa&s;s for <HI>Credo,</HI></L>
<L>I, even I my &s;elf, <HI>Quevedo;</HI></L>
<L>Re&s;olv'd to vi&s;it Forreign I&s;lands,</L>
<L>The Southern Climates, Low and Highlands,</L>
<L>Lands which indeed were other Peoples,</L>
<L>To view their <HI>Towns,</HI> their <HI>Churches, Stee|ples;</HI></L>
<L>Their <HI>Cities, Forts,</HI> and <HI>Magazines,</HI></L>
<L>The Courts of Forreign Kings and Queens;</L>
<L>Their Manners, Habits, Cu&s;toms, Fa&s;hions,</L>
<L>And various kinds of Habitations.</L>
<L>Such things, &s;o tickling to my Fancies,</L>
<L>As I have Read in Old <HI>Romances,</HI></L>
<L>As <HI>Gyants,</HI> and <HI>Inchanted Ca&s;tles,</HI></L>
<L>Who&s;e <HI>Fanes</HI> &amp; Sumptuous Turrets <HI>Dazles</HI></L>
<L>The Eyes of &s;uch as pa&s;&s;ed by,</L>
<L>If they by Chance Look up &s;o high)</L>
<PB REF="9">
<L>The&s;e Curio&s;ities invite me,</L>
<L>With hopes that Travel will delight me,</L>
<L>To lanch into the Curled Ocean,</L>
<L>And hoi&s;ting Sail the Ship had Motion,</L>
<L>Which ready lay, when we had &s;tept in,</L>
<L>To plow the Watry Plains of Neptune,</L>
<L>We having Sail'd 3 Leagues, or Nine Miles,</L>
<L>Lo&s;t &s;ight of <HI>Landmarks, Steeples, Wind|mills;</HI></L>
<L>Now tru&s;ting only to the <HI>Compa&s;s,</HI></L>
<L>Though Neptunes &s;urly &s;urges thump us,</L>
<L>Wee in good time got &s;afely over;</L>
<L>But what our pa&s;&s;age did di&s;cover,</L>
<L>To tell the Truth, was no great matter,</L>
<L>For all we &s;aw, was <HI>Sky</HI> and <HI>Water.</HI></L>
<L>Well, but &s;uppo&s;e I'me come on <HI>Shore,</HI></L>
<L>And then &s;uppo&s;e but one thing more,</L>
<L>That what &s;o e'er is worth your Notice,</L>
<L>Is in this Little Book, <HI>and &s;o 'tis.</HI></L>
</DIV1>
</FRONT>
<BODY>
<DIV1 N="1" TYPE="part">
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="1" REF="9">
<HEAD>The Di&s;covery of the Land of
Belly-All-Main, a part of the
South Indies, Called, Terra
Au&s;tralis Incognita, Borde|ring
upon Terra Dell Fuego.</HEAD>
<HEAD TYPE="sub">Of its Scituation.</HEAD>
<P>THE Land of <HI>Belly-All-Main,</HI>
is a Region far ex|tending
both in <HI>Longitude</HI>
and <HI>Latitude,</HI> bounded on
the North with the <HI>Aethiopian</HI> Oce|an,
on the Ea&s;t with the <HI>Sheelands,</HI>
on the South with <HI>Fooliana</HI> the Fat,
and on the We&s;t with the <HI>Filching-Fens.</HI>
It lyeth in that undi&s;cove|red
Continent, where that mon|&s;trous
Bird <HI>R&V;C</HI> &s;natcheth up now
and then a whole <HI>Elephant</HI> at a
<PB N="2" REF="10">
&s;toop, and &s;waps him up at a Bit;
Touching the Soyl, the Fertility
is mo&s;t worthily Admirable, and
the Ayr mo&s;t delicately Tempe|rate.
In <HI>Latitude,</HI> It lieth full &s;ix|ty
Degrees, and in <HI>Longitude</HI> &s;even|ty
four from <HI>Cabo-de-Bon-Speranza,</HI>
and is Scituate almo&s;t directly op|po&s;ite
to the Southern Frontiers of
<HI>Affrica.</HI></P>
<P>Such Co&s;mographers as Write
hereof, divide it generally into two
Provinces, <HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI> Called by
the Inhabitants <HI>Gluttonia,</HI> and <HI>Drink-All-Main,</HI>
By the Natives al&s;o, cal|led
<HI>Quaffonia.</HI> The former &s;cituate
in the &s;ame Longitude and Latitude
with <HI>Old England,</HI> and the Later,
with the two <HI>Germany's:</HI> Both have
one <HI>Prince</HI> and one <HI>Law,</HI> and a lit|tle
Reformation would make them
Concur al&s;o in Habits and Man|ners.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="3" REF="10">
<HEAD>Of Eat-All-Main or Gluttonia.</HEAD>
<P><HI>EAt-all-main</HI> is in Form Triangu|lar,
and re&s;embleth the Figure
of <HI>Old-Egypt,</HI> being full of Sky
Towring-Hills, and yet &s;o Fertile,
that the very Birds that flock thither
from all places to Feed, If they &s;tay
but three Months at the admirable
variety and plenty this Soyl afords:
They are &s;o Loaden with the lug|gage
of their own Fat, that they
cannot po&s;&s;ibly get wing &s;o high
as to over-top one of the meaner
Mountains, but become &s;worn In|habitants
of this Fat Country all
their Lives after.</P>
<P>The Shores abound with plen|ty
of Fi&s;h of divers kinds, and they
are naturally &s;o Ravenous and Gree|dy,
that you no &s;ooner ca&s;t your
Angling-hook among them, but
like <HI>Cole-Miners</HI> about the Rope,
when the Candles burn Blew,
(which foretells the coming of the
Damp) you &s;hall have hundreds a|bout
<PB N="4" REF="11">
the Line, &s;ome on the Hook,
and &s;ome on the String, and &s;uch
as mi&s;s that Opportunity will hold
fa&s;t by the Tayls, and Fins, of
&s;uch as took time by the foretop.
'Twould never Tyre a mans
Patience to Angle in this Country,
where he is as &s;ure of Sport, as the
Beggar, when (with a Red woollen
Rag put down his Back) he doth
Angle for Lice.</P>
<P>The Land hath divers good Ha|vens,
but no Ship is &s;uffered to
Harbour There, but &s;uch as comes
Fraighted with good Fare, and is
Loaden with Delicates; the Soyl
bears no Tree that bears no Fruit,
but all the Hedges are &s;tor'd with
Apples, Pears, Plumbs, and Nuts
of all &s;orts, and &s;ome Hops, but
not &s;uch quantities of the la&s;t as in
<HI>Drink-All-Main,</HI> where their Plen|ty
is Incredible: I Conceit our
We&s;tern Engli&s;h had that kind
of Cu&s;tome from the <HI>Drink-All-Mains.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="5" REF="11">
This Territory of old, both <HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI>
and <HI>Drink-All-Main,</HI> was
under the Government of the <HI>Thri|vingers,</HI>
held by the Succe&s;&s;ion of
divers <HI>Thrivonian</HI> Princes, who&s;e
principal Seat was <HI>Eat-All-Main:</HI>
But foreign Inva&s;ions en&s;uing, and
tho&s;e Antient Worthyes Cha&s;ed
from Soveraignty, who&s;e Memory
is almo&s;t worn out; By who&s;e
Extirpation it fell into the Hands
of the <HI>Eat-All-mains,</HI> as it conti|nues
at this pre&s;ent Time.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Dre&s;&s;ing burgh, the fir&s;t Canton
of Eat-All-main.</HEAD>
<P><HI>DRe&s;&s;ing-burg</HI> is the fir&s;t Canton
of <HI>Eat-All-main,</HI> which is too
hot a Climate for any true <HI>Eat-All</HI>
to Inhabit; the South-Cape lying
under the &s;ame Latitude with the
mo&s;t Southern part of <HI>Ca&s;tile,</HI> and
is about 42. Degrees di&s;tant from
the <HI>Equinoctial.</HI> The Inhabitants
are of a &s;warthy Tawny, mo&s;t of
them having their skins &s;hrivled,
<PB N="6" REF="12">
and withered, and their Bodies
plump't up like a Glove upon a
Gridiron; they affect Deliciou&s;|ne&s;s
rather than Exce&s;s.</P>
<P>Upon the point of this Canton,
called the <HI>Swarthy-Cape,</HI> the Coun|try
is wondrou&s;ly Overclowded
with Smoak, becau&s;e of the near|ne&s;s
of <HI>Terra del Fuego,</HI> the Land of
Fire.</P>
<P>Upon the left hand thereof ly|eth
the <HI>City</HI> of <HI>Kitchen-Norton,</HI> the
Buildings of which are generally
very lofty, and as generally &s;moaky
and ill Scented.</P>
<P>In the mid&s;t of this City &s;tands
a goodly Temple, Dedicated to
god <HI>All-Paunch,</HI> a va&s;t and &s;paci|ous
Building, wherein are a Thou|&s;and
Altars Burning with continu|al
Incen&s;e (except from <HI>Shrovetide</HI>
till <HI>Ea&s;ter</HI>) unto the afore&s;aid Deity.
In the Mid&s;t of this Temple is a
Tower Erected of Incredible Alti|tude,
called by the Inhabitants <HI>Chim|ney
Turret,</HI> from the heighth where|of
<PB N="7" REF="12">
of the whole Region round about
have the u&s;ual Signal of War given
them; for when&s;oever that Eternal
fume cea&s;eth to a&s;cend in Caligunous
Clouds, it is a certain warning that
the Foe Approaches.</P>
<P>And this Inva&s;ion is mo&s;t com|monly
attempted by the Inhabitants
of the <HI>Starvling I&s;les,</HI> otherwi&s;e call|ed
<HI>Hungerlanders,</HI> for the&s;e are the
mo&s;t formidable Enemies that the
<HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI> have.</P>
<P>Near unto this City of <HI>Kitchen-Norton</HI>
lyeth <HI>Ci&s;tern-Burgh,</HI> wherein
is the famous Mountain <HI>Cock-Alty,</HI>
Exceeding high, but directly op|po&s;ite
in nature to Mount <HI>Aetna;</HI> for
whereas that Di&s;gorgeth &s;treams of
Fire, to the Detriment of the Neigh|bour
Cities, and Villages; &s;o this Stu|pendious
Mountain <HI>Cock-Alty</HI> &s;ends
forth continual Rivers of &s;weet and
fre&s;h water; to the great advantage
of the Neighbour Cityes, e&s;pecially
the City of <HI>Kitchen-Norton.</HI> In <HI>Ci&s;tern-Burgh</HI>
are only &s;ome few hou&s;es of
<PB N="8" REF="13">
entertainment, where commonly do
Sojourn for a &s;mall &s;ea&s;on the Jour|nying
Citizens of <HI>Carp-O-Pan, Trout-On,</HI>
and <HI>Tench-More;</HI> with Mer|chandize
from tho&s;e Marine parts, to
this tradeing City of <HI>Kitchen-Norton.</HI></P>
<P>Within the liberties of <HI>Kitchen-Norton,</HI>
are certain Villages, fir&s;t
<HI>Hole-Cole,</HI> a large Town, con&s;i&s;ting
of a &s;trange form of Building, of
Caves under ground. <HI>Tongs-Worth,</HI> &amp;
<HI>Fire-Pan-Wick,</HI> two &s;mall Villages
both in one Pari&s;h; and on the left
hand you have three others, <HI>Spit&s;ted,
Kettle-Dorp</HI> and <HI>Spoons-by,</HI> all pretty
Towns, and well Peopled; <HI>Kittle-Dorp</HI>
hath a fair River pa&s;&s;eth through it,
call'd <HI>Ture-Mois,</HI> which they &s;ay Boy|leth
every Twenty Four hours.</P>
<P>The Inhabitants of <HI>Spoons-By,</HI> as
al&s;o another &s;mall Village nigh it,
called <HI>Ladle-Cup,</HI> are in&s;tructed in
no other art, but laving, and are
very expert in clean&s;ing of Ditches,
Fi&s;h-ponds, Wells, or &s;uch places;
and the&s;e only are imployed in &s;uch
<PB N="9" REF="13">
Services, not only in <HI>Kitchen-Norton,</HI>
but al&s;o in all the Rivers of the
Circum-Jacent Cityes of <HI>Eat-All-Main;</HI>
as <HI>Gravy-Channel</HI> in the City
of <HI>Fle&s;h-Pa&s;ti-Nople,</HI> and <HI>Sauce-Bourn,</HI>
which watereth the Plains of <HI>Pew|ter-Plateria,</HI>
but principally in tho&s;e
famous Hot-Wells, called the Baths
of <HI>Broathington</HI> in the Vallies of
<HI>Poringerio;</HI> for which Imployments
they have the great Dukes Pattent,
&s;o that no others dare intrench up|on
their priviledges.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Banquetois, the Second Canton
of Eat-All-Main.</HEAD>
<P>PA&s;&s;ing from <HI>Dre&s;&s;ing-Burgh,</HI> the
fir&s;t Canton you enter, is the ve|ry
Garden of <HI>Eat-All-Main;</HI> it is
called <HI>Banquetois,</HI> and is as it were
a continual Forre&s;t of nothing but
<HI>Dates, Almonds, Figs, Ollives, Pom|grantes,
Cytrons,</HI> and <HI>Nutmegs.</HI> The
River <HI>Oyl-Brook</HI> hath its Cour&s;e
through the heart of this goodly
Territory.</P>
<P><PB N="10" REF="14">
The City of <HI>Marchpane</HI> is the chief
Town of note it this Canton, being
Built after a &s;tately manner, with
Turrets, and Obelisks, all Guilt o|ver;
but indeed it is but of a &s;len|der
kind of Fortification, and lyeth
very open to the Enemies Cannon.</P>
<P>A little above this City are cer|tain
Mines called the <HI>Sugar-Hills,</HI>
whence they dig a certain <HI>Ore,</HI> in
Colour whiti&s;h, in Touch hard, and
in Ta&s;t &s;weet.</P>
<P>This City hath very few Inhabi|tants
of any years, that have any
Teeth left; but all from <HI>Eighteen</HI>
to the Grave, are the Natural Heirs
of a Stinking Breath.</P>
<P>Next unto this, lyeth another lit|tle
Corporation called <HI>Drugs-Burgh,</HI>
and here they have a Law, that none
mu&s;t be made free of the City, but
<HI>Apothecaries, Grocers,</HI> and <HI>Boxmakers.</HI>
The very Heavens &s;eems to Con&s;pire
with the places fitne&s;s to increas their
Trading; for at certain times of the
year, you &s;hall have the whole Coun|try
<PB N="11" REF="14">
covered quite over with Aroma|tical
<HI>Trochices, Comfits,</HI> and <HI>Confecti|ons,</HI>
(congealed by the coolne&s;s of
the Airs middle Region) that fall
from the Clouds in as great Abun|dance,
(at tho&s;e times when they do
fall) as ever fell &s;howre of Hail.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Pewter-Plateria, the Third Can|ton
of Eat-All-Main.</HEAD>
<P>AS we pa&s;&s;ed the 55th Degree
beyond the line, we entered
into a &s;pacious Plain; by the Inha|bitants
called <HI>Pewter-Plateria,</HI> which
we entered in our <HI>Map</HI> under the
name of <HI>Platters-Plain;</HI> it lyeth in
the very heart of <HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI> and
the fir&s;t City we met with in this
Tract, was <HI>Victualla,</HI> through the
mid&s;t of which there Pa&s;&s;eth a River
called <HI>Sauce-Bourn,</HI> who&s;e Water is
&s;omewhat Tart in ta&s;t. In the Mar|ket-Place
of this Town I beheld a
Monument, it was no rare Piece of
work, but of a very Antient Model,
<PB N="12" REF="15">
the top Stone being cut in form of
a Sea <HI>Crab.</HI></P>
<P>I &s;hall here omit the fruitful Plains
of <HI>Goblet</HI> the great, and <HI>Fatland</HI>
Forre&s;t, together with the goodly
City of <HI>Sau&s;agenia,</HI> a Town rare|ly
Seated, only it &s;tands a little
too near the Salt Water. I &s;hall
al&s;o pa&s;s by <HI>Butterkin</HI> the Fenny,
and <HI>Che&s;wick,</HI> the la&s;t Town of all
<HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI> and <HI>Situate</HI> upon the
vory Borders of <HI>Quaffonia.</HI> The&s;e
I &s;lightly pa&s;s, becau&s;e I would fain
be at the Metropolitan City of the
whole Region; for that very place al|one,
in Structure of hou&s;es, Manners
of Inhabitants, and formality of Di&s;|cipline,
I e&s;teem above all the re&s;t.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the Metropolitan City of Eat-All-Main,
called Fle&s;h-Pa&s;ti-Nople.</HEAD>
<P>HEre-about are but few Villa|ges,
The Cities having eat up
mo&s;t of the Burroughs; neither are
their Cityes &s;o abundant in num|ber
as they are in Riches, and po|pulous
<PB N="13" REF="15">
Inhabitants; but of them all,
the Prime and Mother-City is that
Famous <HI>Fle&s;h-Pa&s;ti-nople.</HI></P>
<P>Their Old Records do report, that
in former Ages, there were two
Rich and Potent Cityes, <HI>Fle&s;h-ton</HI>
and <HI>Py-nople,</HI> between whom there
was long and vehement Contenti|on
about the Soveraignty; <HI>Py-nople</HI>
&s;tood much upon its Antiquity, but
<HI>Fle&s;h-ton</HI> Counterpoi&s;ed the others
Continuance with her own pre&s;ent
Glory, plea&s;ant Scituation and Pow|erfulne&s;s.</P>
<P>Well, a <HI>Parliament</HI> was called,
and Finally, the whole Hou&s;e with
one Con&s;ent gave the Supremacy
unto <HI>Fle&s;h-ton. Py-nople</HI> thus di&s;gra|ced,
decayed to nothing, &s;o that it
is at this day almo&s;t Impo&s;&s;ible
to know where it &s;tood. Now
<HI>Fle&s;h-ton</HI> grew more and more in
Lu&s;tre, and both to add a Magni|ficence
to the Name, as al&s;o to
pa&s;te the Foile of <HI>Py-nople</HI> upon the
Forehead of po&s;terity. It left the
<PB N="14" REF="16">
la&s;t Syllable of its Old Name, and
A&s;&s;umed the two La&s;t of <HI>Py-nople,</HI>
joyning them together with the Ce|ment
whereof their Antient Walls
were made, and &s;o was thenceforth
called <HI>Fle&s;h-Pa&s;ti-nople.</HI></P>
<P>Touching the form, it is rather
va&s;t in Compa&s;s, than comely in
Building. It hath a Rivelet of
Spring-Water Running almo&s;t
through every Street; in which
you &s;hall &s;ee a thou&s;and &s;everal
impaled Fi&s;hponds, wherein they
keep <HI>Swans, Gee&s;e, Ducks, Teals,</HI> and
all kinds of Water-fowl. This Cur|rent
is called <HI>Gravie-Channel.</HI> The
City is Double-walled about with
the Bones that remained of their
Carnival Fea&s;tings. The&s;e Bones
are Artificially and with Judgment
cemented together with Morter
made of the whites of Eggs. Their
Hou&s;es within are neither too State|ly,
nor too Lofty. They love no
A&s;&s;ents by Staires up to their Doors,
partly, becau&s;e 'tis dangerous to
<PB N="15" REF="16">
come down, when their Brains are
throughly moi&s;tned; and partly be|cau&s;e
'tis toile&s;ome to climb up,
when their Bellies are bumba&s;ted.
In&s;tead of <HI>Lead, Tyle</HI> and <HI>Slat,</HI>
their Hou&s;es are all Rooft with
&s;houlder-bones of Bea&s;ts very cun|ningly
knit together.</P>
<P>The City con&s;i&s;ts not of any but
&s;uch as have one dependance or o|ther
upon Rack and Manger, the Hu&s;|bandmen,
Carpenters, Millers, and
Butchers, have each their Habitati|ons
a&s;&s;igned in the Suburbs, who not|with&s;tanding,
if they can bring their
Bellies to a certain &s;ize, are pre&s;ent|ly
Summon'd to <HI>Gurmands</HI> Hall, and
made free of the <HI>Wide-throats;</HI> no
Stranger can have his Freedom at
fir&s;t, unle&s;s he be either a <HI>Cook,</HI> a
<HI>Baker,</HI> or an <HI>Inkeeper.</HI></P>
<P>The City is Govern'd by a cer|tain
number of Grave Senators, pe|culiarly
&s;tiled <HI>Alder-maws,</HI> who are
not Elected for their Wi&s;dom, their
Wealth, or their Hor&s;e-Tail Beards;
<PB N="16" REF="17">
but by the circumference of their
Paunches, which at a &s;olemn &s;et
Fea&s;t once every Year, are Mea&s;ur|ed,
and the more that each mans
Rotundity is found to be inlarged,
unto the higher place he is pre&s;ent|ly
Advanced: But if either &s;ickne&s;s,
or age, do chance to make any of
the&s;e <HI>Alder-maws</HI> ca&s;t their Collops,
they are immediately put off the
Bench; and as they have lo&s;t their
Grea&s;e, &s;o mu&s;t they lo&s;e their Grace
at a clap: Why this is hard now:
but 'tis true, as hard as it is I can
tell you that.</P>
<P>The Geometrical form of the Ci|ty
is Oval, and hath four Gates;
at which there do daily attend
cour&s;e by cour&s;e four <HI>Alder-maws,</HI>
Selected to the Office of <HI>Supervi|&s;ors
of the Paunchery;</HI> and the&s;e are
to examine all that come in, and
go out, and to mind that none go
out Fa&s;ting. If they find any Per|&s;on
&s;o offending, he is condemned
to eat two Suppers. They are al&s;o
<PB N="17" REF="17">
to mind that none come in Empty-handed:
for not to go out full-Bel|lied,
and not to come in full-Hand|ed,
is an heinous contempt of the
Cities Right-healthful Government.</P>
<P>Every Month they are bound by
Law to Celebrate a &s;olemn Fea&s;t,
where every <HI>Alder-maw</HI> of the whole
Society mu&s;t be pre&s;ent, to con&s;ult
about the Publick good: Their
place of meeting is <HI>Gurmonds</HI> Hall,
where being met, and having tur|ned
their Wine into Water, and
their Oy&s;ters into Shells: Every one
takes his Chair, and to Dinner they
go: Now, they may not in any ca&s;e
have their <HI>Boars, Sheep, Goats,
Lambs,</HI> &amp;c. &s;erv'd up in Parcels and
Joynts, but they mu&s;t have all whole.
You &s;hall &s;ee the waiters come
&s;weating with a whole <HI>Hogg,</HI> or a
whole <HI>Calf,</HI> upon a great Pewter En|gine;
you would ble&s;s your &s;elf to
behold it: and he that ri&s;eth before
&s;ix hours be fully run, runs his
head under a rigorous fine.</P>
<P><PB N="18" REF="18">
And for the breaking up of the
Fea&s;t, thus is their Order. They
have a Door in the Hall, large e|nough
for the greate&s;t <HI>Gutmonger</HI>
that lives, and take him fa&s;ting. At
this Door they enter when they
come to the Fea&s;t, which being
ended, he that cannot get his Bel|ly
through, is let forth another way;
but he that pa&s;&s;es as ea&s;ily as he
came in, is &s;tay'd by an Officer
appointed for that purpo&s;e, called
the <HI>Sergeant</HI> of the <HI>Maw,</HI> and
brought back again, where he mu&s;t
&s;eetle him&s;elf to a renewed Rou&s;e,
untell his Belly be able to ki&s;s both
the Cheeks of the Door at once,
and then he is di&s;mi&s;&s;ed.</P>
<P>They have a common <HI>Ho&s;pital</HI>
belonging to this City, wherein all
&s;uch as have got the <HI>Drop&s;ie</HI> or
the <HI>Gout,</HI> or any &s;uch di&s;ea&s;e, by
his Valour in Gurmondizing, are
Maintained at the Publick charge.</P>
<P>But all &s;uch as have lo&s;t their
Teeth by Age, or by eating their
<PB N="19" REF="18">
Broath too hot, are forthwith pro|vided
for very conveniently, and
&s;ent away into the <HI>Spoon-meat</HI>
I&s;lands.</P>
<P>The Citizens are Generally of an
unmea&s;urable Gro&s;ene&s;s, and &s;eem|ed
to me, when I &s;aw them walk,
ju&s;t like &s;o many Tunns, moving
each upon two pottle Pots; nor is
that man worthy of the lea&s;t Salu|tation
that is not all Cheeks to the
Belly, and all Belly to the Knees.</P>
<P>And &s;uch &s;hapes do the Women
of this City walk in al&s;o, the <HI>Ger|man</HI>
froes do pretty well in Imita|tion
of the&s;e Sou&s;e-Barrels; the
Young Women may not Marry, till
&s;uch time as before a Bench of
Matrons, They make a publick
Demon&s;tration, that their Dugs, and
their Chins, can meet without force|ing
of either.</P>
<P>They go for the mo&s;t part all
naked, only their <HI>Alder-Maws</HI> may
wear Gowns, which mu&s;t be on|ly
the Skins of &s;uch Bea&s;ts as they
<PB N="20" REF="19">
are able to devour alone at one
&s;itting.</P>
<P>Their Schools have no Lecture
Read in them, but only <HI>Apicius.</HI>
His In&s;titutions of the Art of <HI>Mun|cherie,</HI>
and there are all the young fry
taught the Sciences of Carving,
Chewing, and Swallowing mo&s;t
profoundly. The <HI>Munchery Lectu|rer,</HI>
when I was there, was one Doctor
<HI>Full-Gorge;</HI> a man mo&s;t rare in his
Profe&s;&s;ion, and thorowly arquain|ted
with all the Fundamentals of
the &s;aid Sciences.</P>
<P>Their Library is a large Room
ranked full of Pots and Cans of all
&s;orts, every &s;ort in their &s;everal
Cla&s;&s;es; &s;o the Schollers have al&s;o
each his full Pot, and his laden
Platter for his Book. The Fre&s;h
men have le&s;&s;er mea&s;ures; the So|phi&s;ters
larger, and &s;o up to the
Graduaits. The fir&s;t perhaps has
his Pint, and his Pullet; the next, his
Quart and his Goo&s;e; the third, his
Pottle and his Lamb, and &s;o up|wards.
<PB N="21" REF="19">
Nor may any leave his
Task, or have leave to play, till
he have made an end of what was
injoyned him.</P>
<P>If any one &s;tay Seven years in
the&s;e Schools, and benefit nothing, he
is forthwith Bani&s;hed for ever into
the <HI>Starveling I&s;les,</HI> or <HI>Hungerland,</HI>
to deal upon <HI>Spani&s;h</HI> dinners, fur|ni&s;hed
with half Pilchards. Thi|ther
al&s;o they thru&s;t all Phy&s;itians,
and Pre&s;cribers of diets. If any one
of them be ill at ea&s;e, he pre&s;ent|ly
eats a raw Radi&s;h, drinks a lit|tle
hot Water, Spews a while, and
within a quarter of an hour, <HI>Viah</HI>
he lets fly upon <HI>Ajax,</HI> and ri&s;es from
his roa&s;t as &s;ound as a Bell.</P>
<P>They love veni&s;on entirely well,
but cannot tell how to catch it; only
&s;uch Deer as comes willingly a|mong&s;t
them, tho&s;e they Intangle
in Nets, and take them. But the
noble Swine, Oh they pri&s;e that
Bea&s;t above all others! whether
becau&s;e of their &s;ympathy of na|tures,
<PB N="22" REF="20">
being both fatally Con&s;ecra|ted
to the Table, or by rea&s;on that
the Swine will feed on the Cour&s;|e&s;t
meat, and be &s;oone&s;t fed, I am
uncapable to determine.</P>
<P>If any one keep his provant while
it &s;tinks, he is forthwith condemn'd
of High Trea&s;on, and &s;pitted upon a
Stake. Only two Re&s;ervations their
Law agreeth unto; The fir&s;t is, they
may keep Veni&s;on till it be all
Hoary, and Mouldy; And the &s;e|cond
is, they may lay their Chee&s;e
where they think good, till it be
ready to creep away with Mag|gots:
To the&s;e Worms they u&s;ually
&s;crape a little fine Sugar, and with
the point of a Knife, or a Spoon,
cra&s;h them up as if they were &s;o
many Almond Comfits. I wonder
our <HI>Low-Dutch</HI> &s;hould be &s;uch Log|gerheads
to follow them in this fil|thy
fa&s;hion.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="23" REF="20">
<HEAD>The Wars of the Eat-All-Mains.</HEAD>
<P>THE <HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI> have unre|concilable
Wars with two o|ther
Nations, the <HI>Hunger landers</HI> of
the <HI>Starveling I&s;lands,</HI> and the <HI>Thri|vengers</HI>
of <HI>Thriveingois.</HI></P>
<P>The fir&s;t Inhabit certain We&s;tern
I&s;les in the Atlantick Sea, not far
Di&s;tant from <HI>Eat-All-Main;</HI> but the
Latter lye Somwhat farther off it,
by rea&s;on of a great part of the
<HI>Territorie</HI> of <HI>Fool-I-Ana,</HI> and &s;ome
parcel al&s;o of <HI>Shee-Land,</HI> that puts
in between them.</P>
<P>Their Hi&s;torical Monuments re|late,
that the <HI>Hungerlanders,</HI> being
confederate with the <HI>Thevingeni|ans,</HI>
have made many Terrible In|va&s;ions
upon the <HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI>
Borders, and one time gave them
a &s;ore Foyl, the Inhabitants being
forced to hide them&s;elves in Caves
under ground, untill their gods pit|tying
them, made their foes own
Chops their fatal de&s;truction; for
<PB N="24" REF="21">
they did &s;o Engorge them&s;elves af|ter
this &s;udden change, that grow|ing
hereby all di&s;ea&s;ed, there was
not a man of them left in three
years. If you would have given a
Spani&s;h Royal for a man, no not
a man to Ca&s;t at a Dog.</P>
<P>The <HI>Thriveingers</HI> al&s;o, the Anti|ent
Inhabitants of this Land, have
made many attempts to Regain
their lo&s;t Po&s;&s;e&s;&s;ions, but have been
continually beaten back by the
<HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI> good &s;ucce&s;s.</P>
<P>They march unto Battle Armed
only before, (needing no defence
behind, becau&s;e they cannot Run
away) in Ox Hides, Sheep-Skins,
and Swines Pelts, that you would
imagine them to be a herd of Cat|tel
that were driving to the water|ing
place.</P>
<P>Their weapons commonly are
Spits, and-Fire Forks, and &s;ome of
them have Cro&s;s-bows made of the
bones of large Oxen. But the very
truth is, the <HI>Drink-All-Mains</HI> give
<PB N="25" REF="21">
them their be&s;t A&s;&s;i&s;tance, for had
it not been for them, the <HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI>
had been down the wind long
ere this; and there's the main of
the whole matter.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Idle-Burgh, an Imperial free
Town.</HEAD>
<P><HI>IDle-Burgh</HI> is a famous and free
State, and hath a large territo|ry
under command; it is Scituate in
the farthe&s;t confines of <HI>Platters-Plain</HI>
towards <HI>Fooliana.</HI> The Citi|zens
live in far more happy E&s;tate
than ever <HI>Monk</HI> did, having all
things they can de&s;ire in Abundance.</P>
<P>The Town is &s;o &s;trongly &s;citua|ted,
that it is Impregnable, being
Built upon a Rock ten <HI>German</HI> Miles
in height, and withall, &s;o &s;teep, that
it is utterly Inacce&s;&s;ible; at the foot
of this Cliff Runs the River <HI>Idle,</HI>
whereof the City taketh her name.
Runs did I &s;ay, hold, it &s;eems ra|ther
to Creep, being more like a
Lake than a River.</P>
<P><PB N="26" REF="22">
There is but one way up to the
Town, that is, the Town&s;men let|ing
down a Basket fa&s;tned to the
end of a Rope, do hale up the Pa&s;&s;en|gers.</P>
<P>They live all upon certain Birds
Naturally bred among&s;t them, the
Inhabitants call them <HI>Gulls,</HI> which
&s;erve the Cities u&s;e with three &s;orts
of Meats, Fle&s;h, Eggs, and Fi&s;h:
Fle&s;h from their own Carka&s;&s;es,
Eggs from their Ne&s;ts, and Fi&s;h
which they bring for the feeding
their young ones in huge exce&s;s:
And be&s;ides, the Sticks of their
Ne&s;ts finds the Citizens with per|petual
fireing; What would you
have more, and more you &s;hall
have? Their Feathers &s;erve the
Citizens for &s;tuffing their Beds; yes
marry do they, and &s;ome to &s;pare
al&s;o for Tran&s;portation.</P>
<P>The Ground within the Walls
brings-forth whole Vintages of de|licate
Grapes, and whole Harve&s;ts
of the pure&s;t Wheat.</P>
<P><PB N="27" REF="22">
The People do live an uncurious
Life, they Sup, they Sleep, they
Ri&s;e, they Breakfa&s;t, they Dine, they
Sup, and &s;o round in a Ring. Un|le&s;s
a little whoreing now and then
chance to add one dance more to
the Round.</P>
<P>The <HI>Richer</HI> &s;ort have many Ser|vants
to attend on them; one to o|pen
the Ma&s;ters eyes gently when
he awaketh, Another to fan a cool
Aire whil&s;t he eateth, A third to
pop in his victuals when he
gapeth, A fourth to fit his Girdle
to his paunch as it ri&s;eth, and fal|leth:
The Ma&s;ter only Exerci&s;eth
Eating, Dige&s;ting, and Laying out.</P>
<P>There are Divers other Cityes
that hold of this <HI>Idleburgh</HI> in <HI>Capite,</HI>
and under protection of her, enjoy
the &s;ame priviledges with her, as
<HI>Sleep-on,</HI> and <HI>Snort-apace,</HI> where the
Inhabitants are &s;eldom or never a|wake;
and it is &s;trange to &s;ee how
fat they grow with this Drou&s;ie
Lethergy.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="28" REF="23">
<HEAD>The Religion of the Eat-All-Mains.</HEAD>
<P>THey cannot endure <HI>Jupiter,</HI> for
he, when he Thunders, Sowers
all their Wines; but they have a
good Devotion to god <HI>Trine,</HI> be|cau&s;e
he eateth up all things before
him, and &s;hews him&s;elf therein a
true <HI>Eat-All-Main.</HI> They have built
a goodly Temple unto him, in which
I &s;aw the Picture of <HI>Saturn</HI> eating
up his Children very Artificially
pourtraid.</P>
<P>On <HI>Shrove-tue&s;day,</HI> They Offer
Sacrifice to this Deity, who&s;e pow|er
appears to them once every year
in form of a huge Mon&s;trous, Rave|nous
Fowl: The Inhabitants call
him <HI>RVC,</HI> to whom they pre&s;ent
whole Hecatombs of Raw Fle&s;h
thus Ordered.</P>
<P><HI>Shrove-tue&s;day,</HI> As I &s;aid before,
is the day of Sacrifice. The place
in <HI>Pewter-Plateria,</HI> where is a large
<HI>Plain,</HI> lying towards the <HI>South,</HI> in|circuled
<PB N="29" REF="23">
with Mountains; unto this
Plain do all the Inhabitants flock,
bringing with them an Ocean of
Victuals, as <HI>Elephants, Camels, Oxen</HI>
of the large&s;t &s;ize, <HI>Boars, Sheep,
Goats,</HI> with a whole Army of <HI>Fowl,</HI>
all with their Feathers pluckt off:
All the&s;e are put as it were into
this large Cage; which done, they
get them up on the top of the Moun|tains
&s;ides, as if they took their
Seats in a <HI>Playhou&s;e,</HI> and with ben|ded
knees do there expect the come|ing
of this Deity, <HI>Old RVC</HI> of
<HI>Rucks-Hall.</HI> At length Sir, you &s;hall
&s;ee him come afar off, with a noi&s;e
Able to Deaf the whole Nation three
hundred miles about, with a great
crooked Bill, as bigg almo&s;t as half
the <HI>Equinoctial Circle,</HI> with a pair
of Tallons like two broad &s;pread
Oakes, with two Eyes in his head
like two Towns that were on fire,
and &s;uch an Inundation of <HI>Harpies,
Ravens, Vultures</HI> and <HI>Hawks,</HI> about
him. <HI>O! &s;trange &s;tupendious &s;ight for
<PB N="30" REF="24">
Men to behold!</HI> and with a Cry a|ble
to procure an Earthquake, they
Approach the Plain, and by and by
their Wings Eclips the Sun, and
bring a Midnight over the whole
Valley.</P>
<P>Three times they flag about the
Plain, while the People pour out
their very Bladders in Tears, and
all that is in their Bellies in hearty
prayers to this Rout of Religious
Birds.</P>
<P>By this time General <HI>RVC,</HI> the
Leader of this Starved Regiment,
hath &s;pied his Prey: For you mu&s;t
Note, he out of all this <HI>Folio Cato|logue</HI>
of Carca&s;&s;es, mu&s;t chu&s;e what
plea&s;eth his Tooth fir&s;t.</P>
<P>Well, &s;uppo&s;e he take &s;ome five
<HI>Elephants,</HI> or half a &s;core of <HI>Oxen,</HI> he
is to be fir&s;t &s;erved, and then every
one to his &s;hark, <HI>Tag, Rag,</HI> and
<HI>Longtail.</HI> Here you &s;hall &s;ee one
fly away with a <HI>Calf,</HI> there ano|ther
with a <HI>Lamb;</HI> here one with
a <HI>Boar,</HI> and there another with a
<PB N="31" REF="24">
<HI>Swan;</HI> every one fitting his Luggage
to his &s;trength: And thus with a
Reverend applau&s;e of all the &s;pecta|tors,
they depart every one with
his carriage, and leaves the re&s;t be|hind
them.</P>
<P>All which the people are bound
in Con&s;cience to make ready, and
eat up ere they depart, whereby
their Bellies are &s;o overcram'd, that
they loath fle&s;h forty dayes after;
During which &s;pace they live all
upon Fi&s;h: This vacancy &s;harpens
their Appetites, to fall greedily to
Fle&s;h again at the time expired. As
&s;ure as Death, the <HI>Pope</HI> had his <HI>Lent</HI>
&s;ent him out of this Country, upon
granting the <HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI> &s;ome
odd <HI>Indulgences,</HI> or upon di&s;pence|ing
with them for <HI>Ember-Weeks.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the
Laws of the Eat-All-Mains.</HEAD>
<P><HI>GVrmonds-Hall</HI> is a &s;tately
Structure Built in Orbicular
<PB N="32" REF="25">
form like a Theatre, as well large
and high as Beautiful, &s;et forth with
fair Arched Windows, who&s;e Lights
are of tran&s;parent Horn Curiou&s;ly
pannelled; the Roof &s;upported by
Pillars, which are of the Thigh Bones
of <HI>Elephants,</HI> very artificially ce|mented
together; and over the front
of the Entrance, are the&s;e Ver&s;es
fairly Engraven in Letters of Gold.</P>
<Q><L>Let no Thin Jaws pre&s;ume to pa&s;s this Stone,</L>
<L>The place is Sacred to the Plump alone.</L></Q>
<P>And within the Hall hangs a
Table chained to a Pillar, contain|ing
the&s;e Inviolable Laws.</P>
<Q><TEXT>
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="document">
<P><HI>I.</HI> That Eating but one Meal a day
be henceforth held for A Capital
Tran&s;gre&s;&s;ion.</P>
<P><HI>II.</HI> He that overthrows a full Di&s;h,
or Cup Ra&s;hly, &s;hall be forthwith by
This Statute, enjoyned Standing up|right
on his Feet, to have a di&s;h of
Broth &s;et between his heels, which
he mu&s;t eat all up with a Thimble.</P>
<P><PB N="33" REF="25">
<HI>III.</HI> That none Eat alone, nor vio|late
the Laws of the Table by any pri|vate
Suppers, upon pain of Eating
his next Meal with his heels upwards.</P>
<P><HI>IV.</HI> That if the Mouth be full, it
&s;hall be &s;ufficient to an&s;wer by holding
up the finger.</P>
<P><HI>V.</HI> That breaking Wind, either by
belching or otherwi&s;e, be held not only
Lawful, but Honourable.</P>
<P><HI>VI.</HI> That if any one hold his breath
while his Belly is Mea&s;uring, he &s;hall
be forthwith made uncapable of Ad|vancement.</P>
<P><HI>VII.</HI> That no Per&s;on &s;hall leave
on his Trencher or Plate, any piece
of meat, under pretence it is too fat,
or will overlay his Stomak, under the
penalty of being puni&s;hed for a puny;
which is, that he make his next Meal
at a Side Board, out of picking the
Bones that remained of the la&s;t, and
this in the &s;ight of all the re&s;t, as
well for their Sport, as that it may
be a warning to them: for this is
held of great Di&s;repute.</P>
<P><PB N="34" REF="26">
<HI>VIII.</HI> That a Regi&s;ter be kept of
all Tran&s;gre&s;&s;ors from time to time;
and that both Guilt and Puni&s;hment
be Recorded; as to place where,
and time when; who&s;e Offences may re|main
as Badges of Di&s;grace to po&s;te|rity,
and of Fame, Credit, and Wor|thy
Commendations, to &s;uch as are
Loyal and obedient Ob&s;ervers of the
Law.</P>
<CLOSER><SIGNED>Signed <HI>All-Paunch.</HI></SIGNED></CLOSER>
</DIV1>
</BODY>
</TEXT></Q>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the Election of the Great
DUKE.</HEAD>
<P>THere is a &s;tately Palace built
upon a narrow ledg of Land
lying ju&s;t between <HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI>
and <HI>Drink-All-Main:</HI> It was built
as their Antient Chronicles Report
by a Gyant called <HI>All-Paunch,</HI> who
was of an incredible height of Bo|dy,
<HI>Pliny's Ore&s;tes:</HI> Or, <HI>Plutarches
Orian,</HI> were but Dwarfs in compa|ri&s;on
of this almighty <HI>All-Paunch;</HI>
<PB N="35" REF="26">
&s;uppo&s;e rather that you &s;aw <HI>An|taeus,</HI>
that was Sixty Cubits high,
or him who&s;e Carca&s;s was digged
up at <HI>Drepano,</HI> whom the <HI>Symetri|ons</HI>
judged by his Thigh-bone, could
be no le&s;s then two hundred Cubits
high. This latter, I &s;uppo&s;e, might be
the Brother of <HI>All-Paunch.</HI></P>
<P>This <HI>All-Paunch</HI> was the fir&s;t
that by Conque&s;t drave the <HI>Thri|vonians</HI>
out of this Land, brought
in a New People, and gave them
new Laws, and his Soul they Ima|gine
to be entred into that huge
Bird <HI>RVC,</HI> in which &s;hape they
do yearly adore him, and have
him in as great reverence as the
<HI>Turks</HI> their <HI>Mahomet.</HI></P>
<P>He Lyeth Buried in the mid&s;t of
the Pallace Court, where for a &s;a|cred
Memorial of him, is a Statue
Erected, far higher than <HI>Ly&s;ippus</HI> his
Brazen <HI>Colo&s;&s;us,</HI> and upon the Ba&s;es
thereof, <HI>Like the Engli&s;h In&s;cription
on the</HI> London <HI>Monument,</HI> was this
<HI>Epigraph</HI> fairly ingraven in Capital
<PB N="36" REF="27">
Characters, in the <HI>Belly-All-Mic</HI>
Tongue.</P>
<P>I <HI>All-Paunch,</HI> Duke of
<HI>Belly-All-Main,</HI> Lye here
Entombed, Dying a Lord,
a Victor, a Prince, a De|ity.
Let none pa&s;s by me
Fa&s;ting, nor name me Hun|gry,
nor &s;alute me Sober:
Be mine Heir he that can,
my Subject he that will,
Mine Enemy he that dare.</P>
<P>This Dukedom is Elective, their
being four chief Linnages or Fami|lies
that may &s;tand for the Electi|on,
which are the <HI>Treble-chins,</HI> the
<HI>Bacon-chops,</HI> the <HI>Wool-&s;acks,</HI> and the
<HI>Tun-Bellies.</HI> The <HI>Nimble-chops</HI> have
pretended a Tytle to their Right
in the Election, who after &s;ome
Debates were ca&s;t, &s;o that they
<PB N="37" REF="27">
may not attain to it, unle&s;s fir&s;t
by Adoption into one of tho&s;e four
Royal Families.</P>
<P>Now this is the Order of the
Election, There is Yearly a Tilting
ordained, not with Spears, but of
Barrels. Whereunto every one
comes Armed with his Teeth all
new &s;harpned, and too't they go;
where he that unhor&s;es mo&s;t meat,
and lifteth mo&s;t mea&s;ures of Wire
out of their Pewter Sadles, is Honou|red
with a Crown of clu&s;tred-Vines,
and Saluted by the Title of Lord
<HI>High-Steward</HI> of <HI>Belly-All-Main,</HI>
the Dukes next Inferiour.</P>
<P>The Tournament ended, each
one ari&s;eth if he can, and laying
his hand on the &s;acred Tomb of
dead-Duke <HI>All-Paunch,</HI> taketh an
Oath by the Deities of <HI>Bacchus,</HI>
and the Reverend <HI>All-Paunch,</HI> to
perform his Duty in the Election
without partiallity.</P>
<P><PB N="38" REF="28">
Then they depart to the Thea|tre,
and take their places to Be|hold
the Ceremonies of the Electi|on.</P>
<P>And fir&s;t cometh forth the new
cho&s;en Lord <HI>High-Steward,</HI> bring|ing
in his hand a Golden Girdle,
enchaced with Pearls, Diamonds and
Rubies: This they call the Sacred
Belt of State; then the la&s;t years
Duke puts it on, and taketh an ex|act
Mea&s;ure of his own Sow&s;e-tub;
&s;o do all the re&s;t of the Nobility
after him, one after another; and
he that can &s;et it on the Tenters
without &s;tretching of his belly, or
holding his breath (if it &s;it &s;o &s;tiff
that it mu&s;t needs be let out one
hole more) he is the man that
with loud Acclamations both of
the Nobility, and Mobile, is pro|claimed
high Duke of <HI>Belly-All-Main.</HI>
But if none exceed the Magnitude
of the former Duke, he holds his
Monarchy till the next year, or till
anothers guts over-vote him by
Pole.</P>
<P><PB N="39" REF="28">
Then cometh his Cup-bearer,
and upon his knees pre&s;ents him
with a Silver Tankard of &s;ome
dozen quarts, and intreats his Grace
to Drink a health to the People.</P>
<P>Who taking it, and lifting up
the lid, begins an Oration, and ta|king
a fre&s;h Oath by St. <HI>All-Paunch,</HI>
declares that he will be a Bulwark
to their Liberties, a Drudg to their
Bu&s;ine&s;s; a Terror to their Enemies;
a Father to their de&s;ires; and an
Increa&s;er and Inlarger of their Mea|&s;ures;
Denounceing him&s;elf a pro|fe&s;&s;ed
Enemy to Hunger, and Thir&s;t,
to &s;ower Ale, to Meagerne&s;s of
Wine, Beer, and Bodies, &s;o long as
he &s;hall wear that Royal Belt; pro|te&s;ting
that none &s;hould Fa&s;t unpun|i&s;hed,
or be Drunk unrewarded.</P>
<P>Then &s;etting the Tankard to his
mouth, &s;tole off the Liquor every
drop, &s;ave a little remainder which
he was by cu&s;tom to &s;et upon his
Thumbs Nail, and lick it off, and
&s;o he did; then continuing his Ora|tion,
<PB N="40" REF="29">
&s;aid, <HI>From the bottom of my
Heart I do wi&s;h you continually
drunken Heads, full Bellies, and fat
Fortunes.</HI> Which ended, the Audience
bellow out their Aplau&s;e, with long
live <HI>Bow&s;ing-gut-Wool-Sack, Cae&s;ar
Emperor</HI> of <HI>Belly-All-Main.</HI> At lea&s;t
a dozen times, every time inter ec|co'd
with a Volley of Acclamations.</P>
<P>Then the Lord <HI>High-Steward</HI>
pre&s;ents him with the Sword and
Mace of the Government, which
are a great long Knife, and a pret|ty
Golden Tunn, pronouncing ac|cording
to cu&s;tom, the&s;e words, <HI>V&s;e
and Enjoy.</HI></P>
<P>But then for the Coronation Din|ner
and Supper, O! Mon&s;trous
what piramids of Platters and Char|gers!
What Mountains of Fle&s;h and
Pa&s;tery! What Ca&s;tles of Banque|try!
And what Deluges of Wine,
Beer, Ale, and Brandy did I behold
there! It is impo&s;&s;ible to particula|ri&s;e;
only this I declare, the Streets
that Night were &s;trewed &s;o thick
<PB N="41" REF="29">
with Drunken Carka&s;&s;es, that 'tis
my opinion there were never more
Memories left in the Field, of the
greate&s;t Ma&s;&s;acre that ever this
Modern Age was witne&s;s of.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Starvling I&s;land: Or, Hun|gerland</HEAD>
<P>VVE have almo&s;t lo&s;t the Re|membrance
of <HI>Starvling</HI>
I&s;land; take it therefore now as a
penance for your tedious abode in
<HI>Eat-All-Main.</HI> It lyeth under three
and thirty Degrees of Longitude;
and four and fifty of Latitude, be|ing
on the <HI>North</HI> directly oppo&s;ite
to <HI>Cabo Bianco;</HI> and on the <HI>South</HI>
unto <HI>Filching-Fens.</HI> It is a Stony
Barren, Gra&s;le&s;s, Sandy Soyl.</P>
<P>There are &s;ome Trees in it, but
they have no Bark left; no Blo&s;&s;om
nor Bud; nay the Weed cannot find
in its heart to make the &s;malle&s;t
Re&s;idence in the&s;e quarters.</P>
<P>The Lands Natural Barrenne&s;s
affords no di&s;tinction either of
<PB N="42" REF="30">
Summer or Winter; becau&s;e the
Inhabitants &s;nap up their herbs as
&s;oon as ever they peep out of the
ground.</P>
<P>All that dwell in the&s;e parts
are Exiles, and their hew is naturally
between a Pale and a Swarthy,
their Skins are crumpled like half
burnt Parchment, and puckerd like
the hide of an Elephant. The al|viewing
Sun in all his Race never
beheld &s;uch ga&s;tly Animals; you
would &s;wear they were Anatomies
cover'd over with fre&s;h Skins.</P>
<P>Here you &s;hall have one laying a
Plot how to intrap the Flies, there
another contriving a con&s;piracy
again&s;t the Worms; yonder another
&s;it &s;having the Earths new &s;horn
Beard, to di&s;cover the Roots of the
ungrown Gra&s;s.</P>
<P>They have a &s;trange and fierce
wild Bea&s;t Rangeth continually in
the Nights all about the de&s;arts of
this I&s;land, which they call <HI>Empty-Maw;</HI>
it will keep &s;uch a terrible
<PB N="43" REF="30">
barking, that it makes the hollow
Ayr Eccho again; and who&s;oever in
this I&s;land heareth it not bark once
in twelve hours, grows immediately
Deaf; but he that heareth it thrice
in thirty &s;ix hours, and giveth it
nothing to devour, ere twelve hours
more be run, dyeth immediately,
provided alwayes he can live no
longer.</P>
<P>Other Bea&s;ts I &s;aw none in all
this I&s;land, except a &s;ort of Wolves,
and &s;ome Monkyes that had eaten
off great part of their Tailes.</P>
<P>Indeed I dur&s;t not make any long
abode in &s;o lean a Land, I think it
was no great Wi&s;dom: What think
you?</P>
<TRAILER>Thus far of <HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI> and the
adjacent I&s;les; now proceed we
to <HI>Drink-All-Main,</HI> and &s;o good
night.</TRAILER>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="44" REF="31">
<HEAD>Of Drink-All-Main, the Second
Province of Belly-All-Main.</HEAD>
<P>YOU cannot expect an exact De|&s;cription
of <HI>Drink-All-Main,</HI>
for I dur&s;t not for my Ears enter
into any City of the whole Pro|vince,
untill it was dark night, that
all the Citizens were wrap'd in Wine
and warm Clouts; And then how
was't po&s;&s;ible to di&s;cover any thing
to purpo&s;e? For to tell you the truth,
I feared the Burgoma&s;ters bounty;
it being their fa&s;hion, as &s;oon as a|ny
one &s;ets a foot within the City|gate,
to give him I know not how
many Lifts of Wine for his welcome,
receiving him in &s;uch Pomp, and
State; and all out of the common
Pur&s;e of the City: All which Folio
Cups he mu&s;t take off, or el&s;e he
is held an ungrateful, unmannerly
fellow. Nay, which is wor&s;e, a di|rect
Foe to the common good of
the City. Now I feared both this Ho|nour,
and this Danger.</P>
<P><PB N="45" REF="31">
This Province is &s;omewhat larger
than <HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI> being as broad,
or rather broader than both the
<HI>Germanies.</HI></P>
<P>No Nation under the Cope of
Heaven, &s;o fortunate, nor &s;o abound|ing
in the delicate Juce of the Grape
as this: The peculiar Wines of all our
Europian Kingdomes are here; the
<HI>Germans Rheni&s;h,</HI> the <HI>Frenchmans
White</HI> and <HI>Red,</HI> the <HI>Spaniards Ma|ligo,</HI>
and the <HI>Canaries</HI> pure&s;t <HI>Sack;</HI>
p&s;hau, they have all, all to Exce&s;s.</P>
<P>The Temperature of their bodies
are different from the <HI>Eat-All-Mains,</HI>
who delight in the qualities of heat
and drought; whereas the <HI>Drink-All-Mains</HI>
affect heat and moy&s;ture;
&s;o that the bordering neighbours do
jearingly call the <HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI>
Kitchen-Bellies, and the <HI>Drink-All-Mains</HI>
Celerian-Bellies.</P>
<P>As they are more ingenious than
the <HI>Eat-All-Mains,</HI> &s;o are they more
La&s;civious. In their youths they
are generally quick-witted; but be|ing
<PB N="46" REF="32">
grown to a Graver Age, e&s;pe|cially
Old Age, they grow &s;o for|getful,
that you &s;hall not have one
among&s;t Twenty that can remember
his own name.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the Shires of the Province of
Drink-All-Main.</HEAD>
<P>THE whole Province is Divided
into three Counties, the Coun|ty
of <HI>Wine-ce&s;ter,</HI> the County of <HI>V&s;|quebah,</HI>
or <HI>Brandy-Bridg,</HI> and the
County of <HI>Hop&s;ack-octun,</HI> or <HI>Bru-Mal|ta,</HI>
called by &s;ome <HI>Strong-Biera.</HI></P>
<P><HI>Wine-ce&s;ter</HI> is parted from <HI>Eat-All-Main,</HI>
on the We&s;t by the River
<HI>Pi&s;s-On,</HI> a &s;alt Current that Ebbs
and Flows; which River runs round
about the Dukes Pallace. The Phi|lo&s;ophers
of this Country affirm,
that it hath not its Saltne&s;s from
the Sea, but from an airy humor
that often falls upon it.</P>
<P>The fir&s;t Town I came unto in
this Region, was called <HI>Vine-Spring.</HI> It
is in form of a five angled Trencher,
<PB N="47" REF="32">
who&s;e Borders extend as far as <HI>Vine-Prop</HI>
hills; &s;o that &s;ome of it became
part of the Suburbs of <HI>Clu&s;ter-Beg,</HI> a
prety fine City wall'd about with
Stones of the Colour of Brick, but
&s;omwhat deeper of Dye. This Ci|ty
&s;tands in the bottom of <HI>Pre&s;&s;ing-Dale,</HI>
a Valley &s;o called; through
which runs a delicate River called
<HI>Juce,</HI> which pa&s;&s;eth along by three
or four pretty Cities, &s;eated upon the
the Banks thereof, to the founders
eternal commendations.</P>
<P>Their names are, fir&s;t <HI>Tankards-Bridg,</HI>
next <HI>Tunning-Tree,</HI> then <HI>Broach|ing-Ford,</HI>
and la&s;tly <HI>Carou&s;i-Kani|kin.</HI></P>
<P><HI>Tunning-Tree</HI> is fortified with a
wall of wood, and <HI>Broaching Ford</HI>
hath never but one gate open at
once; and that when it is &s;hut, is
made fa&s;t with nothing but the end
of a Faggot &s;tick. There is not in
all the World any one River com|parable
to this, which runs through
the&s;e Cities; for be&s;ides the plea&s;ing
<PB N="48" REF="33">
meanders that it makes in its wan|ton
cour&s;e; the water is &s;o &s;weet
and delicate, that neither the be&s;t
of <HI>Europes</HI> Wines, nor the <HI>Turks</HI> deli|cious
<HI>Zerbeth</HI> can po&s;&s;ibly excell it.</P>
<P>It hath but one peculiar Fi&s;h be|longing
to it called a <HI>Tap,</HI> and this
Fi&s;h will &s;omtimes lye by the Shore,
and &s;pout a huge deal of the water
aloft; and it is &s;omewhat more plea|&s;ing
in ta&s;te than before, and this
the Inhabitants watch for in Boats;
and when they get it, make great
&s;tore of it.</P>
<P>This River, as I told you, pa&s;&s;eth
through <HI>Tunning-Tree:</HI> but hold, I
had forgotten one Town, it goeth
from thence to <HI>Celleridg,</HI> ere it come
to <HI>Broaching-Ford,</HI> and &s;o by <HI>Broach|ing-Ford</HI>
pa&s;&s;eth directly unto <HI>Ca|rou&s;i-Kanikin,</HI>
the prime City of the
whole Province.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="49" REF="33">
<HEAD>The De&s;cription of Carou&s;i-Kani|kin
the chief City of Drink-All-Main,
as al&s;o the Fa&s;hions,
and Manners of the Drink-All-Mains.</HEAD>
<P><HI>CArou&s;i-Kanikin</HI> is a name, I un|der&s;tand
not farther then what
light I have of it from the <HI>German</HI>
tongue.</P>
<P>The City is built upon a Hill,
and carrieth the form of a Tan|kard
from what Quarter &s;o ever
you behold it.</P>
<P>It is of Antient Renown, and one
of the be&s;t &s;eated Ports for Traffique
in all the whole Land.</P>
<P>It is &s;trongly fortified with Bar|ricado's,
and Bulwarks built all of
Barrels, the Roofs al&s;o of the hou&s;es
are tiled with the Boards of broken
Casks.</P>
<P>In the entrance of the gate is
placed a double Cannon of Pewter,
charged to the Muzzel. This their
<PB N="50" REF="34">
Law Commands to be duly ob&s;er|ved;
the Citizens call it the Flag|gon
of Ho&s;pitality, and round about
it are the&s;e words Engraven'd, <HI>Aut
Bibe Aut Abi,</HI> drink or be packing;
and who&s;oever ariveth, mu&s;t either
drink it all off, or be carried be|fore
the Magi&s;trate to Render an
account of his Contumacy.</P>
<P>But by chance, I met with a
Traveller who was bound to the
City as will a I; who being ac|quainted
with their fa&s;hions, brought
me &s;ecretly by night into the Town,
and &s;hew'd me &s;uch things as I
&s;hould never have di&s;covered of my
&s;elf.</P>
<P>The Fronts of their Buildings are
&s;o wholly hid with &s;preading Vines,
that had I not &s;een the Signs hang
out on every &s;ide, I &s;hould have
&s;worn I had been in a Vineyard,
and not in a City: it is indeed a very
plea&s;ant Pro&s;pect.</P>
<P><PB N="51" REF="34">
In the Market-place are all the
Mea&s;ures hung up in chains, Sealed
with the Dukes Stamp.</P>
<P>The Inhabitants go all naked,
but for a Wreath of Vines about
their Fore-heads; but their skins
are all painted after the manner
of the Ancient <HI>Picts,</HI> every one
after what form he plea&s;es: you
&s;hall &s;ee &s;ome &s;o perfectly painted
like Flaggons, that if one of them
&s;et but his Armes a Kimbo, you
wou'd &s;wear it was a living <HI>Flag|gon</HI>
with two Handles: I &s;aw one
painted &s;o directly in the &s;hape of
a <HI>Whale,</HI> that when he Vomited,
no Man in the World, but would
have taken him for a live <HI>Whale</HI>
Spewing up the Ocean.</P>
<P>I had a great de&s;ire to &s;ee the
manner of their Publick Fea&s;ts, and
not be &s;een by the Citizens; and
mine Ho&s;t with much intreaty a|greed
to perform my Reque&s;ts,
giving me withal certain Cautions
of Danger; and likewi&s;e informed
<PB N="52" REF="35">
me in &s;ome nece&s;&s;ary Points of Be|haviour;
So mine Ho&s;t and I got
us into the Town-Hall in the E|vening
un-e&s;pyed, by and by came
the Fea&s;ters, and taking their pla|ces
ju&s;t as the <HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI> did,
only the&s;e had le&s;s Meat, and more
Drink.</P>
<P>At fir&s;t they began a Sacrifice to
<HI>Bacchus,</HI> their general god, who&s;e
Statue &s;tandeth at the upper end
of the Table, holding in his right
Hand &s;upported by his left, a
mighty <HI>Goblet:</HI> into this &s;tanding
Cup, the Ma&s;ter of the Ceremo|nies,
in the Name of the whole
Company, pours a Hogs-head of
Wine (for it holds no le&s;s) which
pa&s;&s;eth in Pipes, as through Veins
into his Body, and from thence he
pi&s;&s;eth it, till it be all out; and
this is the Hour-gla&s;s, proportion|ing
the continuance of the Fea&s;t;
for when he leaves pouring out,
they mu&s;t all leave pouring in, and
that upon pain of Sacriledge.</P>
<P><PB N="53" REF="35">
Then comes up a Service; I pro|te&s;t
at fir&s;t &s;ight, I took it for a
Di&s;h of <HI>Shooing-Hornes,</HI> but upon
&s;tricter Ob&s;ervation, found they
were <HI>Red-Herrings:</HI> There was al|&s;o
a Di&s;h of <HI>Anchovis,</HI> with <HI>Capers,</HI>
and <HI>Pickled-Cowcumbers;</HI> and la&s;tly,
a <HI>We&s;tphalia-Gamon.</HI></P>
<P>Then begins the Full-pots to move
about the Table, and the empty
ones again&s;t the Wall; &s;o that one
could not po&s;&s;ibly tell, whether
they were &s;ooner fill'd to be emp|tied,
or emptied to be fill'd.</P>
<P>Now, when one of them will
Drink to another, he fir&s;t Challen|geth
him with a Solemn Ceremo|nious
Song: Then they joyn hands
fa&s;t together, and giving a &s;ound
&s;hake, the Challenger Advanceth
his moi&s;tned Weapon, and blowes
it dry: he may puff a little, but
the Pot mu&s;t be &s;ure to be Di&s;|charged
of its Liquor, ere it be
&s;evered from his Gripe; and then
the other an&s;wers him at his own
Weapon.</P>
<P><PB N="54" REF="36">
Well, the Sea&s;oning Banquet be|ing
Devoured, and the Cloath thru&s;t
up on a heap: The Ma&s;ter of the
Ceremonys Cryeth, <HI>Healths,</HI> Three
times, with an Audable Voyce:
And I &s;uppo&s;ing this had been a
Summons to the breaking up of
the Company, began to be jogging,
till my Ho&s;t pulling me by the
Sleeve, told me, the Fea&s;t was
hardly begun: Pray &s;tay (quoth
he) and &s;ee the Conclu&s;ion; don't
you &s;ee how fa&s;t god <HI>Bacchus</HI>'s
Hour-gla&s;s Runs? So I &s;ate down
again.</P>
<P>Then &s;teps me out one of the
Company, and taking off his Wreath,
down upon his Knees he falls, (I
thought he had been going to
Prayers) and pre&s;ently calls for a
Quart. A Health quoth he to Great
<HI>Bow&s;ing-gut Wool-&s;ack Duke</HI> of <HI>Belly-All-Main,</HI>
and pre&s;ently the Pot
&s;tops his Breath, he Drinks, he Puffs,
he Belches, he Talks, untill within
a while he had Gulped down as
<PB N="55" REF="36">
many <HI>Quarts</HI> as his Name had Let|ters
in it: and when he had done,
falls a Spewing, till all cry'd Twang
again.</P>
<P>Well, they all follow in Order,
from the Highe&s;t to the Lowe&s;t,
each one with the &s;ame Pot, Ex|ecution,
and Ejection, proving him|&s;elf
thereby a Faithful Citizen;
this pa&s;t, up &s;tarts another with
this Catch.</P>
<Q><L>A Health to thee, and ev'ry Swain,</L>
<L>That Wi&s;heth well to Drink-All-Main.</L></Q>
<P>Sea&s;oning his Song with many
a Goodly Belch, and &s;o down up|on
his Marrow-bones, and up with
the Pot hand &s;mooth, the Devil a
Bone finds he in the Drink; and
after him they mu&s;t all Fol|low;
wo be to him that Hangs an
Ars.</P>
<P>This Showre over-blown, out
&s;teps a Third, Advancing a quart of
Plump Claret to the Health of all
<PB N="56" REF="37">
the <HI>Quagmiri&s;ts,</HI> which is the Ge|neral
Name of the Nobility of this
Famous City of <HI>Carou&s;i-Kanikin;</HI>
briefly after him they go, and thus
every man in Order brings in his
Foundation of a new Round.</P>
<P>Now every man having his
Share, they mu&s;t each one in Or|der
(Pox on't that Madded me) go
play the Poet, out of the In&s;pira|tion
of <HI>Bacchus</HI> only, every one
Sings his own Song; and in|&s;tead
of Harps, they have their
Knives and the quart Pots, and
truly they made fine Mu&s;ick on't.
One in his Song commends his
Mi&s;tri&s;s, another the Goodne&s;s of
the Wine, a Third Relates all the
Pa&s;&s;ages between him and his Wife
at home, another Rhimes all in Sa|tyr
again&s;t one that was not at this
Drinking, every one keeping Tyme
with the Mu&s;ick.</P>
<P>While the&s;e Songs were Singing,
it was &s;trange to &s;ee their &s;everal
Po&s;tures, and Behaviours; you &s;hall
<PB N="57" REF="37">
&s;ee one for pure Love weeping in
his Fellows Bo&s;om, another &s;it ki&s;|&s;ing
his Companion, one in an Exta&s;ie
of Laughter, though him&s;elf knows
not at what, another down upon
all four in Devotion to <HI>Bacchus,</HI> a|nother
Arguing of Religion, and
matters of State; and here in a
Corner, you &s;hall have another &s;it
Nodding, and Slavering: 'Twould
do a Blind mans heart good to &s;ee
it. But all this while the Cup is
not forgotten.</P>
<P>Well, the Hour-gla&s;s being run
all out, they Ri&s;e (if they can)
and with wheeling Complements,
are taking Leave of each other.</P>
<P>One thing my thought was ve|ry
Ob&s;ervable; they have certain
<HI>Flamins,</HI> who are Prie&s;ts to <HI>Bacchus,</HI>
who frequent the&s;e Revelling Fea&s;ts,
they go Cloathed only in a Gown
of Black, girt about their Wa&s;tes,
with a Silken Cord; and &s;eeing
the&s;e among&s;t the re&s;t in motion, I
could not chu&s;e but &s;mile; for their all
<PB N="58" REF="38">
black Bodies, and &s;hining <HI>Rubrick
Faces,</HI> &s;eemed ju&s;t like &s;o many
<HI>Charcoles</HI> lighted at one end, dan|cing
the Hay among&s;t the Reeling
Multitude.</P>
<P>Well, but quoth I to mine Ho&s;t,
how the Devil will they get all
home now? Fear nothing quoth
he, don't you &s;ee tho&s;e Ropes there
in the Court, that are fa&s;tned to
them Iron Rings, Sir they have an
Officer who is always kept Sober
for the purpo&s;e, he guids each per|&s;on
to his Ropes end, the other
end being fa&s;tned to the Door of
each mans Hou&s;e, the&s;e Ropes are
as good to them, as the Clue of
Thread in <HI>Ro&s;amonds</HI> Bower, or
<HI>Ariadnes</HI> that guided <HI>The&s;eus</HI> from
the Labyrinth of <HI>Minotaur:</HI> very
likely quoth I, But what if an un|happy
Wag &s;hould come in the
mean time, and tye the Ropes far|ther
end to the wrong door? Why,
do you think, quoth he &s;miling,
that any are awake in this City in
<PB N="59" REF="38">
the Night? Yet I have known it
done, and the men have gone to bed
to other mens Wives, who perhaps
being as Drunk as they, never di&s;|covers
the matter till next day
at noon, and then, that which they
ignorantly committed, they make
a double &s;port of, and is but the
Preface to repeated Impre&s;&s;ions.
For it is a Principle here, that a
Drunken man can never Offend,
it being the Effects of <HI>Bacchus.</HI></P>
<P>Well, They being gone, mine
Ho&s;t and I broke off di&s;cour&s;e, and
very privately &s;neak'd home to
our Quarters.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the Knights of the Golden-Tun,
and the Laws of the
Drink-All-Mains.</HEAD>
<P>IN the Town-Hall, properly cal|led
<HI>Gulpers-Court,</HI> hangeth the
<HI>Golden-Tun,</HI> which is the Antient
Emblem of the Knights of that Or|der.</P>
<P>He that can drink this Ve&s;&s;el
<PB N="60" REF="39">
Thrice off, and go his way with|out
Indenting, for his Good Ser|vice
is pre&s;ently Knighted by the
Great <HI>Duke,</HI> and hath a Chain of
Extraordinary Value be&s;towed up|on
him.</P>
<P>The&s;e Knights have a large
Charter, and are allowed many
goodly Priviledges; they bear ab&s;o|lute
Command in all Taverns and
Ale-Hou&s;es, as al&s;o at all publique
Revels, and are allow'd to Furni&s;h
&s;o many Souldiers in <HI>Pewter Jackets,</HI>
out of any mans Celler in the Town.</P>
<P>The&s;e hardy men have great
Conflicts at every publick Meeting,
their Weapons are full charg'd Cups,
and he that carrieth mo&s;t of them
away clear, is Conqueror, and leads
the re&s;t about the Town (if they
can go) in Triumph; and by this
Tryal, they prove who is the Vic|tor,
if he can put his Finger into
the Flame of the Candle, without
playing hit I, mi&s;s I, let him Spew
whole Fi&s;h-ponds is held a Sober
<PB N="61" REF="39">
man, and wears the Wreath of
Conque&s;t for that day.</P>
<P>Over the enterance of <HI>Gulpers-Court</HI>
is Engraved this Couplet in
the <HI>Belly-All-mic</HI> Tongue.</P>
<Q><L>The Hou&s;e of youthful Mirth, and Lu&s;ty Cheer,</L>
<L>Peace, Wine, Sport, Re&s;t, have all their Man&s;ions here.</L></Q>
<P>Upon the two heads of the <HI>Gol|den
Tun,</HI> in a fair Character is writ|ten
&s;ome of the Principal Laws of
the <HI>Drink-All-Mains,</HI> which I care|fully
Coppied.</P>
<Q><TEXT>
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="document">
<P><HI>I.</HI> That all Promi&s;es, Bills, Bonds,
Indentures, Bargains, or any other
Conveyances what&s;oever, made, or cau&s;|ed
to be made in the Afternoon, &s;hall
be utterly void and of no Effect.</P>
<P><HI>II.</HI> That if any one ca&s;t away any
Liquor, or Bottom, which is called a
Snuff, he &s;hall be forthwith enjoyned
to lye flat upon the ground, and &s;nuff
up the &s;ame into his No&s;trils.</P>
<P><HI>III.</HI> That every one pledg his Chal|lenger
in the &s;ame Cup, and after the
&s;ame fa&s;hion, upon pain of drinking
<PB N="62" REF="40">
the quantity double out of a pi&s;pot.</P>
<P><HI>IV.</HI> That the pots be either always
full or empty, for the Waiter that
pre&s;ents a pot half filled, and the
Per&s;on that takes it, &s;hall be both guilty
of the breach of good fellow&s;hip.</P>
<P><HI>V.</HI> That he that being &s;ober &s;hall
&s;trike him that is drunk; &s;hall be
thenceforth di&s;abled for giving Te&s;ti|mony
in any cau&s;e what&s;oever, but
the drunken man &s;triking the &s;ober
&s;hall be acquitted.</P>
<P><HI>VI.</HI> That he that goeth from any
publick Meeting without &s;taggering,
&s;hall be accounted a Malefactor, in a
high degree; and if it be made ap|pear
that he counterfeiteth Reeling,
thereby to avoid the di&s;grace, he
&s;hall be proceeded again&s;t as a Tray|tor
to the Laws of <HI>All-Paunch.</HI></P>
<P><HI>VII.</HI> That all that &s;tay three
daies in this City of <HI>Carou&s;i-kanikin,</HI>
do offer Sacrifice to <HI>Bacchus.</HI></P>
<P><HI>VIII.</HI> That he that mixeth Wa|ter
with his Wine, &s;hall be forthwith
obliged to Drink a brimmer of <HI>Hogg|wa&s;h.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="63" REF="40">
<HI>IX.</HI> That he that &s;triketh with a
Pot, be injoyned to have his hands
Tyed behind him, and take up every
Cup that comes to his turn in his
Teeth, during the continuance of the
Banquet.</P>
<CLOSER><SIGNED>Sub&s;cribed Stil-Yard.</SIGNED></CLOSER>
</DIV1>
</BODY>
</TEXT></Q>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the
Arts, and Millitary Di&s;ciplines of
the Drink-All-Mains.</HEAD>
<P>THe People of this Province are
almo&s;t all blear-ey'd, and trou|bled
with the Pal&s;ie.</P>
<P>They have &s;ome Poets among them
whom they never Crown with <HI>Law|rel</HI>
(becau&s;e that Tree is a foe to
the <HI>Vine</HI>) but with <HI>Ivie:</HI> the&s;e are
the very <HI>Offscum</HI> of the <HI>Ra&s;cally Rab|ble,</HI>
the verye&s;t <HI>Lack-Latins,</HI> and
mo&s;t <HI>Vnalphabetical Raggaba&s;hes,</HI>
that ever bred Lou&s;e, living only
by other mens Trenchers.</P>
<P>The&s;e fill all the <HI>Taverns</HI> in
Town with <HI>Epigrams, Elegies,</HI> and
<PB N="64" REF="41">
<HI>Epitaphs,</HI> which would make ones
Ears Bli&s;ter to hear them: They
have had but one good Poet this
Twenty Years, and his Tallent
lyes in Drollery; but for the mo&s;t
part Pro&s;e, who is an excellent Ob|&s;ervator
of the Times, and Sea|&s;ons,
and can with much Facility
Convert all Occurrences to <HI>Comedy,</HI>
and repre&s;ent all <HI>Comedy</HI> in the
moro&s;e habit of <HI>Tragedy.</HI> The&s;e
Poets have the &s;ame &s;way over the
Ballad Makers, as the Knights of the
Tunn have over the barrells.</P>
<P>The <HI>Drink-All-Mains</HI> go often to
War in A&s;&s;i&s;tance of the <HI>Eat-All-Mains;</HI>
but they never go armed, no
not &s;o much as with a Shirt on their
backs, their Lances are &s;aplings of
Elmes, &s;harpned and hardned at the
Spires in the Fire; one would &s;wear
in beholding them at a di&s;tance, they
were a moving <HI>Hop-garden;</HI> but not|with&s;tanding
(for &s;tand well they
cannot) 'tis admirable to &s;ee both
their Valour in Fight, and Fortune
in Conque&s;t.</P>
<P><PB N="65" REF="41">
They have a Law that none
mu&s;t go &s;ober to the Field; &s;o that
Wine maketh them as Bold as Lyons,
<HI>Audaces fortuna Juvat,</HI> fortune helps
the forward.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the Funerals of one the Chief
Quagmiri&s;t's.</HEAD>
<P>ONe of the <HI>Quagmiri&s;t's</HI> who&s;e
Hou&s;e was of &s;ome height, be|ing
loo&s;e in the hilts, and intending
to go where neither Pope nor Em|perour
can &s;end an Emba&s;&s;ador,
being throughly tap-&s;hackled, mi&s;|took
the Window for the door, and
&s;teping ra&s;hly on, down he came
with the wrong end forward, and
in plain Engli&s;h broke his Neck.</P>
<P>His Funerals was very richly &s;et
forth; I can tell, for I was there;
every man was painted over with
black for that day, and wore a Cy|pre&s;s
wreath in&s;tead of his Vines.
The Body was not laid in a Cof|fin,
but put into a Cask half full
of Wine, and &s;o Boarn to the Grave,
<PB N="66" REF="42">
and rouled in rather to a Ci&s;tern
of Sack, than a Grave of Earth;
and was rather drown'd, than bu|ried;
each one having in&s;tead of
Ro&s;emary, a Kan of Wine his hand,
which they threw into the Grave,
Kan an all; and taking their leaves
in the&s;e Words, thrice repeated,
<HI>Adieu &s;weet Corpulent Country-man:</HI>
and in&s;tead of putting finger in Eye,
each thru&s;ts his finger into his
Mouth, and di&s;gorges, in&s;tead of
tears &s;ome Quarts: Then hand in
hand to the Tavern they go to drink
his Remembrance.</P>
<P>This <HI>Quagmiri&s;t</HI> it &s;eems was well
e&s;teemed among&s;t them, for he had
a Statue erected in <HI>Bacchus</HI> Court,
and under it the&s;e two Ver&s;es in the
<HI>Belly-All-Mic</HI> Tongue.</P>
<Q><L>Though he mi&s;took his Window for his Door,</L>
<L>His Valiant Death &s;hall make his Honour more.</L></Q>
<P>Now I had &s;taid two dayes in
this City, without being demanded
what I was; but then mine Ho&s;t
came and told me, if I &s;taid one
<PB N="67" REF="42">
day longer, I mu&s;t prepare my &s;elf
to Sacrifice to <HI>Bacchus:</HI> For quoth
he, <HI REND="margQuotes">I mu&s;t not conceal you any
longer, unle&s;s you would have me
for&s;worn. <HI>No quoth I,</HI> pray tell
me then the Cu&s;tom and Ile</HI>
either perform it, and &s;tay longer,
or get me gon pre&s;ently, and rid
us both from danger.</P>
<P><HI REND="margQuotes">Well Sir, quoth he, &s;aw you not
the Statue of <HI>Bacchus</HI> ye&s;terday in
<HI>Gulpers-Court?</HI> And the great Gob|let
he holdeth, wherein they pou|red
the Wine that i&s;&s;ued from his
Yard? Yes that I did, &s;aid I. Well
then, quoth he, you mu&s;t &s;et your
Mouth to this Tap, and &s;uck till
you be able to &s;tand no longer,
but fall flat to the ground, and
&s;o mu&s;t you lie under the Spout
till all be run out upon you: How
like you this? Faith not altogether
&s;o delightful qnoth I; But pray tell
me, was there ever any Strangers
that offered this Sacrifice? All, All,
quoth he, not a man e&s;capes it:
<PB N="68" REF="43">
Too't he mu&s;t in &s;pite of his no&s;e:
&s;ome will come willingly, but o|thers
are fain to be hailed to their
Teat, like a Bear to the Stake.
Well Sir quoth I, but Ile be jog|ging,
only I intreat you to inform
me what Country in this Tract
is next in Dignity to this of yours,
and worthie&s;t of a Travellers ob|&s;ervation;
and he told me <HI>Brandy-Burgh,</HI>
by &s;ome called, <HI>Liquor-Ar|dence,</HI>
it is under the Government
of Sir <HI>Limbeck-Stilletory,</HI> a Knight
of the Noble Family of King <HI>Cups;</HI>
&s;o leading me forth, &s;hewed me</HI>
the way as plain as <HI>Dun&s;table-Road;</HI>
and then courteou&s;ly gave me the
<HI>Ba&s;io Les Manos;</HI> and I thanked him
heartily for his <HI>Valiendo,</HI> and par|ted.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="69" REF="43">
<HEAD>Of Brandy-burgh, or Liquor-Ardens,
and of the Pilgrimage
of St. Brochio.</HEAD>
<P>ALl alone I took my way to|ward
the <HI>North,</HI> leaving the
River <HI>Forth</HI> behind me, untill I
came to <HI>Spews-bury,</HI> the filthie&s;t
Town that ever I &s;aw &s;ince my
Mother bound my head; I &s;taid not
long there (I had not need) but
pa&s;&s;ed on, till I came to <HI>Coopers-Norton,</HI>
a pretty well &s;eated Village,
but not a drop of Water was to
be got in it, for Love nor Mony.
The Rea&s;on is (as I heard after|wards)
le&s;t they &s;hould mix it with
the Wine, and &s;o prove bad Com|mon-VVealths
men.</P>
<P>I was as much troubled with
<HI>Pots</HI> and <HI>Flaggons</HI> in my Journey,
as a Traveller in <HI>Spain</HI> or <HI>Italy</HI> is
with <HI>Cro&s;&s;es;</HI> I could not go two
Miles to an end, but I &s;hould
find a bouncing Tankard kennell'd
<PB N="70" REF="44">
under an Arch; and Drink I mu&s;t,
no gain-&s;aying the Laws.</P>
<P>At la&s;t I overtook a Traveller
in a Tatter'd <HI>Ca&s;&s;ock</HI> of <HI>Haircloath,</HI>
Bare-Foot and bare-Headed, and
demanding whither he Travell'd;
Sir quoth he, on Pilgrimage to St.
<HI>Brochio</HI> of <HI>Bottles-brook:</HI> I que&s;tio|ned
him at large of the Towns
Scituation and Di&s;cipline, and al&s;o
of the Virtues of this St. <HI>Brochio.</HI>
(Quoth he) <HI>Bottles-brook</HI> is &s;eated
in the Confines of <HI>Brandy-burgh,</HI> in
the Town is a Temple of <HI>Bacchus-Fiery-Face.</HI>
They call it <HI>Chappel Ar|dent.</HI>
The top of this <HI>Temple</HI> is
all &s;et with <HI>Carbuncles</HI> and &s;park|ling
<HI>Diamonds,</HI> and <HI>Rubies</HI> very
Rich to behold: And from the
Embowed Arch there drops (they
&s;ay) a king of hot Fuming Liquor,
which is received into a Ve&s;&s;el
placed for that purpo&s;e, who&s;e
Virtue is &s;uch, that if one drink
a large Draught of it with good
Devotion, he &s;hall never after ei|ther
<PB N="71" REF="44">
be Drunk before Noon, or
Thir&s;t before Midnight; both which
helps may do me much good,
for I am a man &s;o imployed in my
Country, that I can never lye in
my Bed till Midnight for Thir&s;t,
nor never Ri&s;e in the Morning; but
before Noon, I am Drunk and fa&s;t
a&s;leep again: therefore have I gone
the&s;e three days without Drinking,
becau&s;e I would merit the more of
this Holy Saint, when I come there:
nor dares any importune me to
Drink, or any in my company as
long as I wear this Weed.</P>
<P>I was glad of &s;o good a Privi|ledge,
and intreated his Company
and Patronage. VVell, we went
Chatting on, untill I ob&s;erving the
Soyl altered, asked where we were
now?</P>
<P>This Country (quoth he) ever
&s;ince we came over the <HI>Lake-Me|theglin,</HI>
is called the County of
<HI>V&s;quebah,</HI> being the fir&s;t Shire of
<HI>Brandy-burgh;</HI> it is not &s;o well Hu&s;|banded,
<PB N="72" REF="45">
yet is more fertil than our
County of <HI>Wine-ce&s;ter,</HI> both in Fat|ne&s;s
of Soil, and purene&s;s of Ayr;
the People of this Nation are ge|nerally
Slovenly, and of a Fierce
and Terrible A&s;pect, yet they u&s;ed
us very kindly; we lodg'd in a lit|tle
City, (I have forgot the Name
of it) very quietly, for we found
almo&s;t all the Town dead Drunk,
at our coming; and left them &s;o at
our parting.</P>
<P>And next day Travelling through
many Craggy, Fenny, Woody pa&s;|&s;ages,
we arrived at a Famous Port-Town
called, <HI>Aqua Fort:</HI> (Now
quoth I) being as weary as a Dog,
is not this <HI>Bottles-brook?</HI> No (quoth
he) but chear up, for we go not a
Foot more by Land, all the re&s;t of
our Journey is by VVater.</P>
<P>VVell, to Ship we went, and by
this time imagine us Lanched in|to
the Main Ocean; but what an
eminent Danger, think you we e|&s;caped
there? Our Marriners were
<PB N="73" REF="45">
all as drunk as Wheelbarrows, not
a man could guide him&s;elf, one was
a&s;leep at the <HI>Helm,</HI> another going
about to Row, fell overboard; whom
two more &s;eeking to hall up again,
had not we two held them, had
both fallen after; a third quarrels
and layes a fourth over the Pate
for not helping his fellow, he &s;trikes
again, and too't they go, fight <HI>Dog,</HI>
fight <HI>Bear:</HI> All the re&s;t divided
them&s;elves into two partyes; now
flew the ponderous Oars about their
Ears, and hand Spikes and Pump-&s;taves.
The water was quiet, and
every one u&s;ed his Oar in the Air;
but indeed they were ea&s;ily knocked
down, who&s;e <HI>ham&s;trings Bacchus</HI> had
already cut in two, only two &s;tood
Conquerors, who being too weary
of the Ma&s;&s;acree fell upon us; but
we &s;corning to be put down by a
couple of walking Tankards, got
up a Brace of Cudgels, di&s;arm'd
them, bound them fa&s;t to the Ma&s;t,
and play'd the Sailors our Selves;
<PB N="74" REF="46">
but our Ve&s;&s;el &s;ympathizing with
her Antient Ma&s;ters, did &s;o reel from
&s;ide to &s;ide, that had not a brisk
gale &s;prung us forward, we had laid
our Bones in the Bottom of tho&s;e
Seas.</P>
<P>As we pa&s;&s;ed on, I de&s;cried a&s;-far
off a high &s;moaking Land, and
enquiring of my Fellow Traveller
how it was called: <HI>That Smoak</HI>
quoth he <HI>comes out of Mount</HI> Den|nis,
<HI>wherein the Souls of &s;uch as lived
too &s;ober, are purified by Fire, until
&s;ome of their Living-Friends go on
Pilgrimage to</HI> Chappel-Ardent <HI>for
a Bottle of St.</HI> Brochio's <HI>Liquor, and
powring it upon their Tombs they are
freed.</HI> I &s;miled at this, and thought
now &s;ure I have found the Original
of <HI>Purgatory.</HI></P>
<P>Well, by that time our Sailers
were &s;ober, our Ship became drunk;
for we &s;u&s;tained a mo&s;t Terrible
Tempe&s;t, which la&s;ted all night in
mo&s;t violent manner; but growing
&s;omewhat calmer with the dayes
<PB N="75" REF="46">
approach, we with comfort had the
pro&s;pect of our de&s;ired Port, which
in little time (though with great
difficulty) we attained; I was cold
and faint, and the motion of the
Ship had &s;o jumbled my brains to|gether,
that my head &s;eem'd to turn
round upon my &s;houlders, as if it
had been &s;et on with a Swivel: I
wi&s;hed heartily for a Dram of Dr.
<HI>Stephens,</HI> and entering the fir&s;t door
I found open, got &s;uch refre&s;hment
as the Country afforded, and while&s;t
I was thus recruiting my Spirits,
my fellow Traveller &s;eeing a &s;heet
or Writing Paper lye on the Coun|ter,
exerci&s;ed his skill in Poetry,
expre&s;&s;ing the Terror of the late
Storm; at which I was very well plea|&s;ed
and therefore took a Copy, which
take you as freely.</P>
<LG>
<L>All Round the Horizon Black Clouds appear,</L>
<L>A Storm is near.</L>
<L>Darkne&s;s Eclip&s;eth the &s;cerener Sky,</L>
<L>The Winds grow high.</L>
<L><PB N="76" REF="47">
Making the &s;urface of the Ocean &s;how,</L>
<L>Like <HI>Mountains</HI> lofty, and like <HI>Vallies</HI> low.</L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The weighty <HI>Seas</HI> are rouled from the Deeps,</L>
<L>In Mighty heaps.</L>
<L>And from the <HI>Rocks</HI> Foundations do ari&s;e,</L>
<L>To ki&s;s the <HI>Skies.</HI></L>
<L><HI>Wave</HI> after <HI>Wave</HI> in <HI>Hills</HI> each other crouds,</L>
<L>As though the <HI>Deeps</HI> re&s;olv'd to &s;torm the <HI>Clouds.</HI></L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>How did the &s;urging <HI>Billows</HI> Beat and Roar?</L>
<L>Again&s;t the <HI>Shore.</HI></L>
<L>Threatning to bring the <HI>Land</HI> under their Power,</L>
<L>And it devour.</L>
<L>The curled <HI>Waves</HI> again&s;t the <HI>Land</HI> were hurl'd,</L>
<L>As to a <HI>Choas</HI> they would &s;hake the <HI>World.</HI></L>
</LG>
<LG>
<L>The <HI>Earth</HI> did interpo&s;e the Prince of <HI>Light,</HI></L>
<L>'Twas &s;able <HI>Night.</HI></L>
<L>All <HI>Darkne&s;s</HI> was but when the <HI>Lightnings</HI> fly,</L>
<L>And Light the <HI>Skye.</HI></L>
<L><HI>Night, Thunder, Lightning, Rain</HI> and Blu&s;tring Wind,</L>
<L>To make a <HI>Storm,</HI> had all their Forces joyn'd.</L>
</LG>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="77" REF="47">
<HEAD>A De&s;cription of Bottles-Brook.</HEAD>
<P>WE found this a pretty &s;weet
Town in truth; it is paved
with Bottles, and roofed with Lea|thern
Budgets; I do not remember
I &s;aw any Artificer in all the Town,
but Leathern Jack-makers, and
Taylors for Bottle-Ca&s;es. So that
now I &s;aw where the <HI>Eat-All-Mains</HI>
had utterance for their Hides.</P>
<P>The Men of this Town and
Country, u&s;e no pure Wine, but
certain Di&s;tilled Waters, mixed with
the &s;tronge&s;t Grape that they can
get, which are &s;o forcibly hot, that
the brittle Gla&s;s cannot hold them;
and therefore they are driven to
fortify their Bottles with Leathern
Dublets, Rivetted together with Pitch
and Rozin.</P>
<P>The Citizens are fiery of Face,
and cholerick of Conditions, and of
a &s;taggering manner of Pace in
their Going; but that which is
mo&s;t terrible of all, they drink and
<PB N="78" REF="48">
they belch nothing but Flames:
one of them is able to drink as
much Fire, as one of us can Water.
A Man would veryly imagine
when he &s;aw them, that they were
&s;o many <HI>Fire-Drakes,</HI> Or, St. <HI>George's
Dragons:</HI> I was in danger before
of drowning in Water, but now I
feared nothing but &s;tifling with
Fire.</P>
<P>There I left my Companion to
his Ori&s;ons; I loved him well, but
my &s;elf better, and the next morn|ing
got me out of this Vulcans
Shop, this Ciclops Forge; and be|ing
upon my way, began to con|&s;ult
whith my &s;elf, if it were not
convenient to Travel towards <HI>Brew|maulta,</HI>
to ob&s;erve the manners, and
fa&s;hions of the <HI>Hop&s;ackoctuns.</HI> But
con&s;idering as my Pilgrim had told
me, it was the ba&s;e&s;t part of the Land,
and (but that it is more Bea&s;t-like)
differs in nothing from the other
parts of <HI>Drink-All-Main.</HI> And while
I was thus plodding on, with many
<PB N="79" REF="48">
Cogitations in my mind what to do,
to my great &s;urprize ru&s;hes forth an
Ambu&s;h of armed <HI>Shee-Lande&s;&s;es,</HI>
be&s;ieg'd me, took me, bound me,
and carried me Pri&s;oner (the more
unfortunate man I) a long and
toyl&s;ome Journey, even to the chief
City of the Land called <HI>Go&s;&s;ip-Pin|goa.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 N="2" TYPE="part">
<PB REF="49">
<PB N="81" REF="49">
<HEAD>THE
Second Part.</HEAD>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>The De&s;cription of Woman-De|coia:
Or, Shee-Landt, of the
Scituation and Parts thereof.</HEAD>
<P>THE New Di&s;covered <HI>Wo|man-Decoia:</HI>
Or, <HI>Shee-Landt,</HI>
lieth in that part
of the <HI>Southern</HI> Conti|nent,
which our <HI>Geographers</HI> of <HI>Eu|rop</HI>
called <HI>P&s;ytaccorum-Regio,</HI> the
Land of <HI>Parrots;</HI> the <HI>North</HI> &s;ide
is bounded upon <HI>Lecheritania,</HI>
the <HI>South</HI> upon <HI>Thrivingois,</HI> the
<HI>Ea&s;t</HI> upon two of the <HI>Foolianas,</HI> the
<PB N="82" REF="50">
Fickle, and the Fat: The Soyl
thereof is very Fruitful, but badly
Husbanded. It is divided into many
Provinces, both large and rich, yet
all of &s;everal Conditions, Habits
and Languages. The Principal of
them are the&s;e, <HI>Tatlington, Soldonia,
Blubberick, Giglot-Tangier</HI> high and
low, <HI>Cockatrixia, Sluts-Burrow,
Shrows-Burgh,</HI> and <HI>Black&s;wans-Mark,</HI>
otherwi&s;e called <HI>Mode&s;tiana;</HI> many
of the&s;e Provinces did I pa&s;s through,
though again&s;t my will; but to &s;peak
Truth, <HI>Tatlington</HI> is the be&s;t Coun|try
of them all, and hath many
fair Cities in it, as <HI>Pratlingnople,
Tales-borne</HI> and <HI>Lips-wagg;</HI> through
the la&s;t of which runneth a great
River called <HI>Slaver,</HI> which &s;ome|times
will overflow the Banks, and
drown all the lower part of the
Country, as far as <HI>Chin-dale;</HI> but
the Inhabitants have lately devi&s;ed
&s;trong rampiers of Bones, and bent
Leather, to keep it from breaking
out.</P>
<P><PB N="83" REF="50">
Of all the Cities of <HI>Tatlington,</HI>
or of all <HI>Woman-Decoia, Go&s;&s;ip-ingoa</HI>
is the Principal, thither was I brought
Pri&s;oner: Therefore take fir&s;t an
Account of their dealing with me,
and then Ile proceed to De&s;cribe the
conditions of the&s;e New Nations.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>How Quevedo was u&s;ed by the
Go&s;&s;ip-Ingoe&s;&s;es.</HEAD>
<P>BEing brought to this City, and &s;o
to the Court, a Bell was cau&s;ed
to be tolled, and pre&s;ently all the
Inhabitants came flocking together,
who&s;e diligent eyes began to &s;urvey
me narrowly, who &s;tood bound fa&s;t
enough for attempting Re&s;i&s;tance,
or offering to make any e&s;cape.</P>
<P>At length in the mid&s;t of the
Multitude, I could hear one baul
out for &s;ilence, this by her Garb
and port, I &s;uppo&s;ed to be their
<HI>Captaine&s;s,</HI> who by many &s;ignes
and much a do, had &s;omewhat aba|ted
the claimer; &s;o that with an
elevated voice, I could hear her
<PB N="84" REF="51">
adre&s;s her Speech to the re&s;t after
this manner. <HI>Vncontroulable and
Vndaunted</HI> Go&s;&s;ip-Ingoe&s;&s;es, <HI>Be it
known unto you, that we took this Fel|low,
in the Confines of that damn'd
Country of</HI> Letcheritania, <HI>who are a
People you well know that have offe|red
us the greate&s;t of injuries: I
therefore hold it fit in taking Revenge
of them to begin with this Pri&s;oner,
and if my advice may Gain your Ap|probation,
let him be condemned to
run the Gantlet To morrow &s;tark naked,
through our Regiment of</HI> Auxilaries.</P>
<P>She having made an end of my
&s;evere Sentence, (with much ado
for the noi&s;e to be heard) I got
leave to &s;peak for my &s;elf, decla|ring
my Nation to be Old <HI>Eng|land;</HI>
(had I &s;aid <HI>Spain,</HI> I had been
ruin'd to all intents and purpo&s;es.)
The cau&s;e of my wandring to make
&s;ome new Di&s;coveries, of this un|known
part of the Earth, that I
was no <HI>Letcheritanian,</HI> nor had no
acquaintance with any of them:
<PB N="85" REF="51">
Telling her Lady&s;hip that it would
derogate much from her Nature
and Clemency, and from the Honour
of her Ju&s;t Government, to con|demn
an innocent Pilgrim.</P>
<P>Well, the&s;e good words I can tell
you wrought &s;o pretty well, that the
poor Young Wenches began mo&s;t of
them to weep; but the Old Coun|te&s;&s;es
were not &s;o &s;oon Mollified;
but to the Lou&s;e hou&s;e I mu&s;t go,
till my Country, and cau&s;e of Tra|vel
was more clearly made manife&s;t
before the Grand-Shee-Councel, into
who&s;e pre&s;ence I was brought with
a Guard next Morning.</P>
<P>Where, if it had not been for my
feign'd Countries Name, the only
Paradice for Women, which pleaded
on my &s;ide, I had received Sentance
immediately.</P>
<P><HI>Which the</HI> Speaker <HI>of the Grand
Coun&s;el called there the Pratris,
&s;ignified to me in the&s;e Words,</HI> Sir,
It is the Plea&s;ure of this Honoura|ble
Coun&s;el, Both to remit your Pun|ni&s;hment,
<PB N="86" REF="52">
and give you Liberty, be|cau&s;e
they have heard that your
Country is Famous for the Freedom of
Females.</P>
<P>So I was there immediately quit|ted
by Proclamation, but not with|out
an Oath; for I was brought to
<HI>Janus</HI> Altar, and laying my hand
on the &s;ame, &s;wore &s;olemnly to ob|&s;erve
all the&s;e Conditions follow|ing.</P>
<P><HI>I.</HI> That I &s;hould never go about to
Injure this Noble Sex, by Word nor
Deed.</P>
<P><HI>II.</HI> That I &s;hould never Interrupt
a Woman in her Talk.</P>
<P><HI>III.</HI> That I &s;hould commit the
whole Rule of the Hou&s;e to my Wife.</P>
<P><HI>IV.</HI> That I &s;hould never betray
any Womans Secrets.</P>
<P><HI>V.</HI> That I &s;hould never deny my
Wife any Womans Ornaments.</P>
<P><HI>VI.</HI> That I &s;hould continually (no
matter whether right or wrong) declare
the prai&s;e of Women, for Beauty, Wit,
and Eloquence, and defend it again&s;t
all men.</P>
<P><PB N="87" REF="52">
Now therefore, you &s;ee my
Tongue is tyed by Oath, not to
tell all the Cunundrums that I &s;aw
among&s;t the&s;e mad Wenches; &s;ome|what
I may &s;ay, but no harm; and
Ile venture to &s;tretch as far as I can
without Violating my Oath.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Their Forms of Government, and
Elections of Per&s;ons of State.</HEAD>
<P>THeir State is popular, each one
&s;eeking Superiority; and avoid|ing
Obedience, they have no ab&s;o|lute
Laws, but do every thing by
the number of their Voices: But
the manner of giving up their Votes
amazed me, being unacquainted
therewith; for they &s;et up a cry
altogether, none gives ear, but every
one yells as if &s;he were &s;tark &s;ta|ring
mad.</P>
<P>They hold a continual Parlia|ment
about their more Weighty
Affairs of State; now this continu|ance
<PB N="88" REF="53">
is nece&s;&s;ary, becau&s;e of their
Laws uncertainty; for the Decrees
of this Day may be all di&s;anulled
to morrow, but the &s;ame day they
cannot, le&s;t their Law-givers &s;hould
&s;eem uncon&s;tant.</P>
<P>Every ones voice is a like in
worth, the whole City through, but
not every ones Dignity; for they
have a certain number of cho&s;en
Women, which they call <HI>Grave&s;&s;es;</HI>
and the&s;e have great Authority and
Honour in each particular City; but
they are not born to this Dignity,
but Elected.</P>
<P>They had once a Cu&s;tom to Elect
tho&s;e <HI>Grave&s;&s;es</HI> by Vote from a|mong&s;t
them&s;elves, but every one
giving her Vote for her &s;elf only,
it bred a &s;trange confu&s;ion; which
made them Aboli&s;h that kind of
Election, and make a Decree, that on|ly
&s;uch &s;hould have a Right to Vote,
as would profe&s;s them&s;elves neither
Young, Fair, nor Eloquent; and this
brought all things to as bad a pa&s;s
<PB N="89" REF="53">
as the other extream; for now there
was not one that would Vote for
any body at all; &s;o that the State
was like to want Governe&s;&s;es.</P>
<P>At length they all agreed (and
that was very &s;trange) to pa&s;s o|ver
tho&s;e places of <HI>Electre&s;&s;es,</HI> un|to
Twelve of the mo&s;t aged Ma|trons
of <HI>Old Mumping-ton,</HI> a ruin|ous
Village hard by, giving them
the glorious Titles of <HI>Electres Gra|ve&s;&s;ial,</HI>
to &s;et them the more agog
to perform their charges.</P>
<P>In&s;ted of Scepters and Swords,
the <HI>Grave&s;&s;es</HI> have Fans and Gla&s;&s;es
born before them, great &s;quare
Chri&s;tal Gla&s;&s;es. And allwayes as
they pa&s;s along through the Streets,
they prink up their Atires, and
Ornaments, and &s;et their Bulls, and
curl'd Towrs, in even and decent
Order.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="90" REF="54">
<HEAD>The Original of the Shee-Lande&s;&s;es.</HEAD>
<P>THere are few of the&s;e <HI>Shee-Lande&s;&s;es</HI>
born in this Nation,
and tho&s;e are &s;uch as are tran&s;port|ed
hither in their Mothers bellies;
but the Principal Inhabitants, are
either &s;uch as will needs wear their
Husbands Breeches, or &s;uch as the
Husbands Jealou&s;ie Bani&s;hes; the&s;e
run Flocking from all parts hither.</P>
<P>Now all &s;uch as are their Hus|bands
Ma&s;ters, and are thereupon
bani&s;hed for their unju&s;t claim
to Soveraignty, the&s;e are a&s;&s;igned
to inhabit the frontiers of <HI>Shee-Landt,</HI>
e&s;pecially in the Countries
of <HI>Shrows-burgh,</HI> and there they are
all put in Garri&s;ons.</P>
<P>But as for tho&s;e that are Voluntier
Exiles, being generally of Meek Spi|rits,
they are &s;eated in the heart of
the Land, to become Votare&s;&s;es to
Peace and Beauty.</P>
<P><PB N="91" REF="54">
Yet there is no fear that this weal
Publick &s;hould go to ruine for want
of Members; and Ile tell you why,
becau&s;e there are &s;o many Volun|tiers
comes to this Camp, that the
fear is rather want of room for
new Inhabitants then otherwi&s;e.</P>
<P>I am in great fear, le&s;t my Coun|try
Women &s;hould have any un|der&s;tanding
of this State; for if once
they &s;cent it, or get the lea&s;t &s;match
of this Land of uncontrouled Liber|ty,
we may e'ne go hang our &s;elves;
for the Devil a Female will &s;tay
among&s;t us, nay (which will be
dreadful) we &s;hall not have one
big-Belly left, to lay the Founda|tion
of a future Age by. There|fore
let me intreat you Sir, as you
love the pre&s;ervation of our Lin|neage,
and the General Multiplica|tion
of Mankind, be &s;ilent in this
&s;o important a matter, and keep
this Secret, as it highly concerns us
undi&s;covered from our giddy Fe|males,
<PB N="92" REF="55">
unle&s;s we can find a better
means of Generation.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Giglot-Tangier.</HEAD>
<P>AT <HI>Go&s;&s;ip-Ingoa,</HI> I Obtained, be|&s;ides
my Freedom, the Cities
Letters for my pa&s;port; and from
thence took my way towards <HI>Gig|lot-Tangier,</HI>
a Country lying upon
the <HI>South</HI> part of <HI>Woman-Decoia</HI> to|ward
<HI>Letcheritania:</HI> the Land of it
&s;elf in the&s;e parts, is the Worlds
Paradice. It is not many Leagues
from <HI>Loves-Den,</HI> which is the fir&s;t
Town in this Road; here I entred
into an Aire as delicately &s;cented,
as if all the Perfumers in <HI>England</HI>
had lately played their prizes here
for Soveraignty.</P>
<P>The whole Country round about
is crowded with <HI>Apothecaries</HI> and
<HI>Pomandrificoes.</HI></P>
<P>The Women of this <HI>Wapentake,</HI>
are generally Tall, and Excellent<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 letter">y
adorned with Millinery and Rich
<PB N="93" REF="55">
Laces; only they practice the Art
of Cheek-oyling too much, thereby
to help the defects of Nature, by
the Effects of Art; they wear no|thing
on their Faces, nor on their
Brea&s;ts; for their Habit it is fair in
&s;how, light in weight, and &s;o ea&s;ie
to mount with the &s;malle&s;t puff of
Ayr; &s;ome of them have their Na|ked
parts cru&s;ted over with gro&s;s
painting, but this is mo&s;t commonly
u&s;ed by the <HI>Commoners</HI> of <HI>Merri|trixton,</HI>
who are now no entire Na|tion,
but &s;cattered (as are the <HI>Jews</HI>
in <HI>Europe)</HI> through all the Provinces
of <HI>Shee-Landt.</HI></P>
<P>The Women of <HI>Shamele&s;s</HI> (for
&s;o they call the Shire-Town of
<HI>Giglot-Tangier)</HI> have their Hou&s;es
(Except four Pillars that &s;upports
the Roof) built all with <HI>Mu&s;covy</HI>
Gla&s;s as tran&s;parent as Air.</P>
<P>It is lo&s;t labour to &s;eek any of
them at home, unle&s;s you make
your Inque&s;t immediately upon
their dre&s;&s;ing-time, or &s;omewhat
<PB N="94" REF="56">
before, but lay your Plot to &s;eek
them at a Play hou&s;e, or in a Ta|vern;
and it &s;tands upon a good
Foundation, for there you may be
&s;ure to find them in droves either
Laughing, Singing or Danceing, or
very diligently imployed in &s;ome
&s;uch Exerci&s;e all the Afternoon.</P>
<P>There is one Street in this Town
where are more Danceing Schools,
then there are Colledges, both in
<HI>Oxford</HI> and <HI>Cambridg,</HI> and produces
more Practitioners and Proficients;
and &s;ince the Inhabitants are &s;o mer|rily
conceited, Take the account
in four or five Brace of Gingles.</P>
<L><HI>High-Clif-Rad-Way,</HI> for &s;o the Street is Named,</L>
<L>For frisking Female Academies Famed.</L>
<L>The Language of the Feet is there In&s;tructed,</L>
<L>And though &s;ome Brisk Ones daily are deducted.</L>
<L>From tho&s;e well-Peopl'd Schools, who&s;e con&s;tant Trade is,</L>
<L>To teach true Vaulting to the Youthful Ladies.</L>
<L>There &s;till remains &s;uch Crowds of Beauteous Ones,</L>
<L>Would &s;tock a Court as Large as <HI>Solomons.</HI></L>
<L>But leaving to their Studies my Brisk La&s;&s;es,</L>
<L>To <HI>Shrows-Burgh</HI> I, from <HI>Giglot-Tangier</HI> pa&s;&s;es.</L>
<P><PB N="95" REF="56">
But leaving the Road on my Right
hand, <HI>Noot a boon Sax Mayls an
a waa Bit,</HI> (according to the pro|nounciation
of the Natives) wide
of this Town of <HI>Shamele&s;s,</HI> lieth
<HI>Sluts Burrow:</HI> Or, as the Neighbour
Countries call it <HI>Scotts-Brough:</HI> To
this Town (though it was out of
my way) I Travelled, becau&s;e I
would pa&s;s by no curio&s;ities; and here
I was fitted.</P>
<P>The Air I think might be whole|&s;ome,
but for the &s;tinking Inhabi|tants.</P>
<P>Their Bea&s;ts hereabouts (as there
are a great many) are generally
&s;mall, women only excepted.</P>
<P>They have great &s;tore of Fowl
al&s;o, as foul Hou&s;es, foul Wol|len,
foul Linnen, foul Pots, foul
Di&s;hes, and foul Trenchers.</P>
<P>I &s;aw but little Gra&s;s but what
was in their Pottage: The word
<HI>Hay</HI> is heathen Greek to them, nei|ther
Man nor Bea&s;t knowes what
it means.</P>
<P><PB N="96" REF="57">
I made but &s;mall &s;tay here, for
I thought it not &s;afe, unle&s;s a man
could have (for every Mor&s;el which
he eats) an Antidote, therefore by
the &s;ame way I came, I returned
toward <HI>Shrows-Burg,</HI> and glad was
I, that I was got into the fre&s;h Air
again.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Shrews-Burg.</HEAD>
<P>IN my return from the Confines
<HI>Giglot-Tangier,</HI> being now upon
the mo&s;t We&s;tern Angle of the &s;ame,
I happened (ju&s;t as my Staff fell)
into the Country of <HI>Shrews-Burg,</HI>
the only Garri&s;on of this Feminine
Government, and the only defence
it hath again&s;t Foreign Inva&s;ions.</P>
<P>Here I was finely gull'd, for &s;ee|ing
Per&s;ons in the Habits of men, this
is good thought I, I am now gotten
out of <HI>Woman-Decoia;</HI> but when all
came to all, I found my &s;elf palpa|bly
cou&s;en'd with a borrowed &s;hape;
for in this Country Women wear
<PB N="97" REF="57">
Breeches and long. Perriwigs, and
Men go with their Chins na|ked
in Je&s;ticoes and Petticoats,
Spinning and Carding Wool, while&s;t
their Wives di&s;charge the main Af|fairs
of State: the <HI>Barbarians</HI> in <HI>Ari|&s;totles</HI>
time never u&s;ed their Women
half &s;o Imperiou&s;ly as the men are
u&s;ed here; the poor Snakes dare not
&s;o much as wipe their Mouths un|le&s;s
their Wives bid them, nor &s;o
much as vi&s;it the places of ea&s;e, or
&s;peak a word with their be&s;t Friend,
but they mu&s;t fir&s;t come to their
Wives with a Petition of <HI>Quae&s;o Ma|gri&s;tra,
Good Mi&s;tris give me leave
to go,</HI> &amp;c. I Ob&s;erved this Cu&s;tom
&s;trictly required, and the neglect
more narrowly peeped into one cer|tain
day when I was there, than at
other times.</P>
<P>The rea&s;on was, becau&s;e &s;ome of
the better-&s;pirited Husbands di&s;|daining
to be chained in this un|manly
Subjection by their Ty|rannizing
Wives, had laid a Plot a|mong
<PB N="98" REF="58">
them&s;elves, to ri&s;e unani|mou&s;ly
on an appointed Night in
open Armes, and on a &s;udden, a|gain&s;t
this Female Government,
thereby re&s;olving to &s;hake off this
Infamous and Di&s;graceful Servitude.
This Plot had took very good
Effect, had not Misfortune cro&s;&s;ed
their good Intentions, and Valiant
Re&s;olutions.</P>
<P>Which was by the Means of one
Cowardly, low-Spirited, narrow-Soul'd,
Henhearted Fellow of their
confideracy, who being threatned
by his Wife to be &s;oundly cudgel|ed,
for &s;ome other private Fault;
to procure him&s;elf a pardon, went
and Revealed the whole Plat-form
of the Con&s;piracy, ju&s;t the Evening
before the Night appointed for the
performance.</P>
<P>The Women &s;it at meat, and
the Men attend; the Women &s;leep,
and the Men watch; the Women
&s;cold and fight, while the Men are
fain to ward with their ears, head
and &s;houlders.</P>
<P><PB N="99" REF="58">
What an uncomly &s;ight was it
to &s;ee a Di&s;taff and Spindle in a
Mans hand, and a Sword and Buck|ler
in a Womans? yet I concealed
my di&s;like as well as I could, de|&s;iring
only to &s;ee without &s;uffer|ing.</P>
<P>If any Woman u&s;e her Husband
&s;omewhat gentlier than Ordinary,
(as &s;ome of them are tender-heart|ed)
&s;he is pre&s;ently informed a|gain&s;t,
and cited to appear before
the High Court of Parliament of
<HI>Shrews-Burg,</HI> and there Indicted of
High Trea&s;on again&s;t the <HI>State;</HI> her
next Neighbours give Evidence a|gain&s;t
her with &s;uch a noi&s;e and
fury, that it is &s;trange to &s;ee their
Impatience.</P>
<P>If &s;he be but convicted by the
&s;malle&s;t circum&s;tance that is, &s;he is
immediately condemn'd to this Pun|i&s;hment;
fir&s;t, &s;he mu&s;t change at|tires
with her Husband, and then
&s;have off all her hair; and &s;o be|ing
led by a &s;trong Guard of armed
<PB N="100" REF="59">
<HI>Shrews-Burgi&s;&s;es,</HI> through the Mar|ket-place
to the <HI>High-Cro&s;s,</HI> where
&s;he mu&s;t &s;tand one whole day up|on
the <HI>Pillory,</HI> as an Object to all
the fleering Scoffs, and Deri&s;ions
of tho&s;e Crouds of Spectatre&s;&s;es;
nor &s;hall the man e&s;cape &s;cot-free,
for being &s;o audatious to accept of
the favours offered by his Wife,
without a mode&s;t refu&s;al. And
when the Woman comes home, &s;he
mu&s;t not put off tho&s;e Garments,
or rea&s;&s;ume her others, until &s;he
brings a Cudgel into the Court all
died with the fre&s;h blood of her
Husbands broken pate.</P>
<P>He that out-liveth his Wife, mu&s;t
either marry his Maid, and be
&s;worn to her &s;ervice, as he was to
his former Wives, or el&s;e he
mu&s;t become Slave to the next
Neighbours Wife, wherein he hath
this favour allowed, to cho&s;e whe|ther
to his right-hand Neighbours,
or to his left-hand Neighbours; and
this Law they call <HI>An Act of Grace.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="101" REF="59">
For no man in this City may be
the Ruler of his own Hou&s;e.</P>
<P>In this Country, when the Wife
goeth forth either to Wars, Con|&s;ultations,
or for plea&s;ure, &s;he leav|eth
her Keys, and therewith her
whole Authority and Government
to her Maid, or her Daughter; ei|ther
of which, if the Husband but
once mutter again&s;t, or grumble
to obey, nay, &s;hould he but pout,
or go unwillingly about the per|formance
of his duty, his &s;houlders
are &s;ure to &s;uffer &s;everely for it at
his Wives return, unle&s;s he can either
begg or bribe the Silence of the De|puty-Governe&s;&s;es.</P>
<P>They never Lye with their Hus|bands,
but when an Appetite (for
you know what makes them &s;harp
&s;et) for that they hold would pro|cure
too much Familiarity: Not|with&s;tanding,
If the Husband ari&s;e
not out of his Cabbin in the en|try,
or under the Stairs, before the
Wife be warm in her Bed, and
<PB N="102" REF="60">
coming up &s;tairs barefoot, knock
three times very gently at her
Chamber door, and offer her his
Service in a Low voice, and wait
her An&s;wer, he is &s;ure to be Di&s;&s;i|plin'd
with a <HI>Ba&s;tinado</HI> next Morn|ing.</P>
<P>The Women of this Country ob|&s;erve
a Fa&s;hion directly contrary
to Ours, for they clip their hair,
and let their Nailes grow long.</P>
<P>There are al&s;o certain among&s;t
them that are Profe&s;&s;ors of the No|ble
Science of Offence, and keep
Free-Schools, wherein the re&s;t are
taught all the Wards Offencive and
Defencive, both of Heels, Nails
and Teeth; as al&s;o the mo&s;t Exact
and modi&s;h Methods of Clawing off
the Skin of Mens Faces, Picking
out of Eyes, Biting of Arms, wring|ing
of Ears, and tearing of Hair.
The&s;e Lectures they are in&s;tructed
in both by Precept and Practice.</P>
<P><PB N="103" REF="60">
I met many of my own Country
men (was it not very &s;trange in
a Country &s;o remote) whom I knew
by &s;ight as well as a Beggar knows
his di&s;h: The&s;e Acquaintance (like
true Friends) gave me Cautions from
their own Experiences, of what In|conveniencies
might attend me in
&s;taying here Long, or being over|curious
to in&s;pect their Cu&s;toms and
Manners; al&s;o giving me &s;uch di|rections,
which with heed I Ob&s;er|ved:
And following their Advices,
found the way (at length, though
with much difficulty,) through the
dirty Fens of <HI>Blubberick,</HI> over the
<HI>Mu&s;hrum-Palian</HI> Mountains, and &s;o
arrived upon the Confines of <HI>Fooli|ana.</HI></P>
<P>But you may ask why I travel|led
not into that part where the
<HI>Mode&s;tianians;</HI> otherwi&s;e called the
Women of <HI>Black-Swan-Mark</HI> had
their Habitations.</P>
<P>Why truly, I hold my &s;elf In|fortunate
in that one thing alone,
<PB N="104" REF="61">
That I could not come to &s;ee their
State as well as the re&s;t; &s;eeing that
my mind pre&s;aged unto me, that it
excelleth all the forenamed.</P>
<P>There is &s;uch a People, my friend,
I tell thee plainly, but the Region
wherein they Inhabit, I could ne|ver
come to di&s;cover; only their
name, I had from the Antient Chro|nicles
of the others States, and that
as I &s;aid, is <HI>Black-Swan-Mark.</HI></P>
<P>Indeed there are &s;ome of them
that live as <HI>Hermiti&s;&s;es,</HI> in the
<HI>Craggy-De&s;arts</HI> of &s;ome other parts
of <HI>Shee-Land<GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 letter">;</HI> but their Habitati|ons
are generally unknown, and
almo&s;t Inacce&s;&s;ible; he that will take
the pains to &s;earch tho&s;e va&s;t de|&s;arts,
may by Miracle meet with
&s;ome of tho&s;e holy <HI>Votare&s;&s;es.</HI></P>
<P>I happened, I think, unle&s;s it was
a Dream, to &s;ee one or two of them,
who&s;e variety of Virtues, Beauties
and Behaviours, have left me in an
exta&s;y until this very hour, which
made me &s;o eager in the pur&s;uit of
<PB N="105" REF="61">
&s;o plea&s;ing a Di&s;covery, that I al|mo&s;t
ran&s;act every corner of that
prodigious Continent: But notwith|&s;tanding
all my dilligence, could
&s;et eye of no more. Therefore who|&s;oever
has a mind to Embark in
&s;o de&s;perate a Voyage; Let him
begin to Travel in his Youth, le&s;t
gray hairs overtake him ere he at|tains
his intended Di&s;covery: As for
my part Ile give it over.</P>
</DIV2>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 N="3" TYPE="part">
<PB REF="62">
<PB N="107" REF="62">
<HEAD>THE
Third Part.</HEAD>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the Scituation of Fooliana and
Populou&s;ne&s;s thereof.</HEAD>
<P><HI>FOliana</HI> is the mo&s;t va&s;t and
Ill-husbanded Region that
ever mine eyes beheld; and
yet of all, the mo&s;t populous;
go but upon the Exchange of any
Town of Traffick in this whole
Nation, and you would &s;wear that
the whole World came to trade
thither.</P>
<P><PB N="108" REF="63">
Hi&s;toryographers in their Account
of the number of People that are
imagined to be in all <HI>Europe,</HI> &s;ay,
that <HI>Italy</HI> is &s;uppo&s;ed to contain
9000000 more or le&s;s; <HI>Spain</HI> a
number &s;omewhat le&s;s; <HI>England</HI>
6000000. The <HI>Low Countries</HI> near
as many; <HI>Germany 15000000. France</HI>
as many; <HI>Sicilia</HI> 150000. They ac|count
al&s;o that the Inhabitants of
<HI>China</HI> amount to 70000000. That
Country parallel'd with the whole
Country of <HI>Fooliana,</HI> is rather an
uninhabitable de&s;art, than a Peopled
Nation.</P>
<P>It Lieth ju&s;t under the <HI>Antartick</HI>
pole, as the Land of <HI>Pigmies</HI> is under
the <HI>Artick;</HI> and hence I gather, that
the Extremity of cold in both the&s;e
oppo&s;ed Regions, is the cau&s;e both
of the <HI>Pigmies</HI> &s;malne&s;s, and the
<HI>Foolianders</HI> blocki&s;hne&s;s. Nature
graceing her &s;elf in Counterpoi&s;ing
the defect of the body in one place,
with as great defect of wit in ano|ther.</P>
<P><PB N="109" REF="63">
<HI>Fooliana</HI> on the <HI>South,</HI> butteth up|on
<HI>Belly-All-Main;</HI> On the <HI>Ea&s;t,</HI> up|on
<HI>Woman-Decoia;</HI> and the farthe&s;t
Corner of <HI>Theving-genia:</HI> And on
the <HI>We&s;t,</HI> upon the <HI>Mu&s;hrom-Palian</HI>
Mountains.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>The Parts of Fooliana and the
Peoples Conditions in General.</HEAD>
<P><HI>FOoliana</HI> the Great, is divided into
four le&s;&s;er, as namely <HI>Fooliana</HI>
the <HI>Fickle</HI> ju&s;t under the Pole, <HI>Fooli|ana</HI>
the <HI>Fat</HI> towards the South,
<HI>Fooliana</HI> the fond Ea&s;ternly, and
<HI>Fooliana</HI> the Devout towards the
We&s;t.</P>
<P>The Inhabitants of all the&s;e are
generally tall, their hair of a pale
Flaxen; their heads like Sugar-loaves,
their Lips big like <HI>Moors,</HI> and their
Ears thick and broad, but their
Conditions keep not all one form;
&s;ome things they have general a|mong&s;t
them, and they are the&s;e.</P>
<P><PB N="110" REF="64">
What ever Stranger arrives a|mong&s;t
them, they pre&s;ently enter|tain
him with all the plea&s;ures that
Town, Hou&s;e and Table can afford.
If ye come to any of them all with
a Conge <HI>Spaniard</HI>-like; and either
commend his good face, his new
Coat, his fine Hand, or his fair
Hou&s;e; &s;ea&s;oning his Affections with
admiring applau&s;e: Your ob&s;equi|ou&s;ne&s;s
will purcha&s;e you any thing,
his courte&s;ie will Imagine nothing to
dear for you; for good words, and
fair promi&s;es, is all the Money that
this Nation u&s;eth.</P>
<P>Yet they have Gold in abundance,
which they barter away for painted
Feathers, Gla&s;s Beads, &s;mall Bells,
and the Shels of Snails.</P>
<P>The Inhabitants are of a hard
Con&s;titution, going bare-brea&s;ted,
and thin attired in the depth of Win|ter,
to have the more benefit of the
Ayr; and wrap them&s;elves up in
Rugg Gowns in the mid&s;t of Sum|mer,
to keep off the heat of the Sun.
<PB N="111" REF="64">
They have &s;ome <HI>Phylo&s;otterical</HI> pro|fe&s;&s;ors
among them, that will go
almo&s;t naked in the mid&s;t of Winter
in contempt of the cold; and their
rea&s;on is this: That &s;eeing all Crea|tures,
except Man, can be content
with hair and hide only, Why
&s;hould not man, that is Ma&s;ter of
them all, break through all the
Battalions of Cold, being only ar|med
in his Shirt of nature, his Skin?
And I promi&s;e you it is a very <HI>Sen&s;i|ble
Argument.</HI></P>
<P>You &s;hall never take any of them
&s;olitary, for they continually talk
and contend in Argument with
them&s;elves; &s;ometimes one word
provoking him to tears, and ano|ther
immediatly to laughter, the
per&s;on being all this while &s;ingle
by him&s;elf.</P>
<P>They have al&s;o certain Religious
virtuo&s;ies, among them, who begg for
&s;craps, wandring through the ver|ges
of <HI>Fooliana;</HI> and where they
find a Stone with any Picture upon
<PB N="112" REF="65">
it, down they go upon all four with
&s;trange mimmical conges and crin|ges.
Tapers and noon-day meet
ordinarily at every Dinner-time a|mong
them, they whip them&s;elves
cruelly. Fir&s;t, becau&s;e no man but
them&s;elves will undergo &s;uch &s;evere
La&s;hes. Secondly, Becau&s;e <HI>Calves
Blood</HI> is a plea&s;ing Sacrifice in the
No&s;trils of their god; their Crowns
are &s;haved, le&s;t the hair growing
between the Heaven and the brain,
&s;hould be a Hindrance to the mind
in her Cele&s;tial Meditation.</P>
<P>The Women of this Nation are
the Principal Governe&s;&s;es, which I
was told grew fir&s;t upon this oc|ca&s;ion.
The <HI>Shrews-Burgi&s;&s;es</HI> had
overcome the whole Region of
<HI>Fooliana;</HI> yet notwith&s;tanding, by
Rea&s;on of the Barrenne&s;s of the
Soy I would not po&s;&s;e&s;s it, but left
the Natives in po&s;&s;e&s;&s;ion, upon con|dition
they did homage for it unto
them; paying them an <HI>A&s;s</HI> loaden
with Gold yearly for Tribute, which
<PB N="113" REF="65">
was paid a long time, until at length
the <HI>Foolianders</HI> brake the peace up|on
the&s;e Terms; though as for the
Gold they did not value it; but
were contented to pay it, had it
been twice as much, provided the
<HI>Shrews-Burgi&s;&s;es</HI> would come and
fetch it them&s;elves, when it was
due.</P>
<P>But for them to force a loving
Creature, and one of their Native
Town-born Country-Brood, with
&s;evere &s;trokes and la&s;hes, to bear
this burthen out of their land a|gain&s;t
his own proper will and plea|&s;ure;
This they look upon to be
very hard, and in their Judgment
intolerable; whereupon they revol|ted,
refu&s;ing to perform tho&s;e Arti|cles
and Ratifications on which their
peace &s;tood.</P>
<P>This Revolt incen&s;ed the <HI>Shrews-Burgi&s;&s;es,</HI>
whereupon they repair to
Armes, and entring <HI>Fooliana,</HI> march|ing
without re&s;i&s;tance through the
Country, even to the Metropolitan
<PB N="114" REF="66">
City of <HI>Blocks-ford,</HI> otherwi&s;e called
<HI>Dunce-Town;</HI> and entring the &s;ame,
Allarms were &s;uddenly &s;pread
through the City, out comes all
the <HI>Blocks-fordians</HI> crowding them|&s;elves
in heaps without Armes, or
Order. The Foe was Drawn up
with Judgment, and Mar&s;halled in
good order, who valiantly giving
the on-&s;et, down falls a Citizen or
two, which the re&s;t beholding, fell
pro&s;trate upon their knees with Sub|mi&s;&s;ion,
the Conquerors weapons
were held, &s;o that there was a &s;ud|den
Ce&s;&s;ation of Arms.</P>
<P>By and by one of the mo&s;t Emi|nent
and grave&s;t <HI>Foolianders</HI> made
a Speech after this Manner.</P>
<Q><TEXT>
<BODY>
<DIV1 TYPE="speech">
<OPENER><SALUTE>Right Valiant and Unconque|rable
Shrews-Burgi&s;&s;es,</SALUTE></OPENER>
<P>HOW could You be &s;o cruel, for
one poor <HI>A&s;s,</HI> to de&s;troy &s;o many
propper Men, and pretty <HI>Schollars;</HI>
for as much as one living <HI>A&s;s</HI> might
have been more &s;erviceable to Your
<PB N="115" REF="66">
State, Than a Thou&s;and, nay; than five
and forty men being as dead as &s;o
many door-Nails: Now therefore, take
every one an <HI>A&s;s,</HI> and his Burthen of
Gold, for we had rather live without
them, then die for them: <HI>A&s;&s;es</HI> are
not &s;o &s;carce in this Country of ours,
Therefore we intreat You, put up Your
&s;hineing things, and &s;pare the Lives
of many <HI>Weaponle&s;s Men.</HI> I know,
and to your Honour be it &s;poken, that
your Valour &s;cornes to try the utmo&s;t
again&s;t Men without weapons. There|fore
we &s;ubmitting, be&s;eech You to
&s;pare us, and free us from our pre|&s;ent
fears.</P>
</DIV1>
</BODY>
</TEXT></Q>
<P>Well, the Conquere&s;&s;es are moved
by this pathetical Oration, and
granted their pardons, upon condi|tion
that the Women of <HI>Fooliana,</HI>
&s;hould henceforth in all Dome&s;tick
Imployments have preheminence of
Men: To which the Vanqui&s;hed
gave their humble con&s;ents, and the
Army drew off, marching back
<PB N="116" REF="67">
(with the Spoils in a mo&s;t incre|dible
quantity) to their own Gar|ri&s;on
of <HI>Shrews-Burgh,</HI> the mo&s;t
formidable Garri&s;on of all the Pro|vinces
of <HI>Woman-Decoia.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Fooliana the Fickle.</HEAD>
<P><HI>FOoliana</HI> the Fickle is the ea&s;tern|mo&s;t
part of <HI>Fooliana</HI> the Great,
and Bordering upon <HI>Woman-Decoia</HI>
or <HI>Shee-Landt;</HI> but you mu&s;t not
expect an exact de&s;cription thereof;
yet how I found it, and how I left
it, you &s;hall know as well as I; but
if you chance to go thither your &s;elf,
as many fine Wor&s;hipful Gentlemen,
and Men of large po&s;&s;e&s;&s;ions have
done within the&s;e few years, and
find not the State, as I have de&s;cri|bed
it, blame not any defect in me,
for their Forms of Government are
&s;o daily altered; that 'tis ea&s;ier to
de&s;cribe the &s;hape of <HI>Proteus,</HI> or
the Colour of a <HI>Camelion,</HI> than di&s;co|ver
their form of Di&s;cipline.</P>
<P><PB N="117" REF="67">
I dur&s;t venture a wager, that the
Antient <HI>French</HI> were the fir&s;t Di&s;|coverers
of this Country; for there
are &s;ome Monuments remaining, that
that do &s;ignify as much; as their
names of Towns, their mo&s;t Anti|ent
Laws, and their chief Coyns.</P>
<P>Their Grounds never carry one
certain form two years together;
that which is pa&s;ture this year, &s;hall
be arrable the next: That which
was all high Mountaines this year,
&s;hall be carried away to fill up Dales
the next: Nay, they turn the very
cour&s;e of their Rivers.</P>
<P>They have many Magnificent
Cities, but they change their Fa|&s;hion
almo&s;t every other day.</P>
<P>The chief of the&s;e Cities, at my
fir&s;t coming, was called <HI>Fair-Felia;</HI>
but ere I went away, it was Ordered
in Coun&s;el, That it &s;hould thence|forth
be called <HI>Butter-Flieux;</HI> the
whole frame of this City runs upon
Wheels, and may be drawn whe|ther
the Coun&s;el plea&s;es to Order; or
<PB N="118" REF="68">
every particular mans Hou&s;e where
the Owner &s;ees good.</P>
<P>It is Recorded, that the whole
City hath altered its Scituation a
Hundred times &s;ince the Foundati|on,
and thirty times hath quite lo&s;t
its former &s;hape; when I came
there, it was &s;eated upon the River
<HI>Water-le&s;s:</HI> But there was an Order
from the Coun&s;el Board, that the next
Winter it mu&s;t be drawn up to the
top of Mount <HI>Want-Wood;</HI> and as I
was told, the la&s;t place it was
wheel'd from, was <HI>Barren-Down.</HI></P>
<P>The Rivers are &s;o Frozen with
extream Cold, that if any be wea|ry
of its old place, it may pa&s;s the
Waters to a new one almo&s;t every
month.</P>
<P>The&s;e Cities often change their
formes, for every Hou&s;e is &s;eparate
from the next: So that as &s;oon as
they find the lea&s;t fault with the
old Neighbourhood, away goes
Hou&s;e, Hou&s;hold and all, &s;eating
them&s;elves in another Street where
<PB N="119" REF="68">
they find a vacancy be the remov|ing
of others.</P>
<P>The Cities Arms had lately been,
in a field <HI>Argent,</HI> three <HI>Snails</HI> bear|in
their <HI>Shells</HI> pa&s;&s;ant <HI>Gules:</HI> The
Motto on a Scrowl <HI>Mea Mecum,</HI> I
carry my own; But now it is (as
long as it continues &s;o) A Field
<HI>Vert,</HI> charged with a <HI>Butterfly</HI> with
Wings di&s;played <HI>Argent,</HI> Flowred
<HI>Or,</HI> The Motto <HI>Vbi Libit,</HI> where I
li&s;t.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the
Peoples Conditions and Attire.</HEAD>
<P>THe Inhabitants go all in pain|ted
Feathers, as &s;ome of the
Ea&s;t and We&s;t <HI>Indians</HI> do; for &s;ay
they, &s;eeing that the&s;e light things
are &s;ufficient to keep the little Birds
warm enough: Why &s;hould we
de&s;ire more, being much better able
to bear out the Cold than the&s;e
tender Creatures?</P>
<P><PB N="120" REF="69">
Now, when they would &s;eem to
have new Cloaths, they change the
places of their Feathers; &s;o that
that which in the Morning they
wore on their heads, cometh be|fore
night to wipe the du&s;t from
their Heels; and that which kept
the knee warm but now, by and
by &s;its up half a yard higher.</P>
<P>They Marry Wives, and love
them confoundedly for a while,
till they take &s;ome occa&s;ion of di&s;|like
in their Old Bed-fellow: Or,
chance to &s;pie another fairer; <HI>Then
farwel Wife: And welcome with all my
Heart Huband,</HI> &s;aies &s;he to another;
for the Wife is commonly as willing
to change, as the Husband; and of|ten
takes the fir&s;t occa&s;ion, e&s;peci|ally
if &s;he di&s;like the Husbands
<HI>Cock&s;hip.</HI></P>
<P>They u&s;e a Stranger as kindly as
if he were their own Brother; and
the next day will pa&s;s by him, and
forget that ever they &s;aw him.</P>
<P><PB N="121" REF="69">
They &s;eldome or never proffer
any thing, that they do not recall
next breath; nor do they ever pro|mi&s;e,
but they afterwards for&s;wear
it; nor do they ever perform any
thing, which they do not after|wards
repent, and be &s;orry for;
what they &s;ell you to day, if you
di&s;like it, they will give you dou|ble
the price you paid for it to mor|row.</P>
<P>They make their Laws new every
Year once; for &s;ay they, <HI>It is not
fit, &s;eeing Mans Life is Mutable, that
the Rules of his Life &s;hould not be
Mutable al&s;o; be&s;ides &s;econd Cogita|tions
being mo&s;t Generally perfect, it
is a Slavery to be tyed to a fir&s;t De|cree.</HI></P>
<P>In this City, nigh the <HI>A&s;&s;change,</HI>
&s;tandeth <HI>Turncotes</HI> Tomb; upon
which I read this following Incrip|tion,
in the <HI>Foolianick</HI> Tongue.</P>
<P>Stay, Sit, Walk, Read: Here
Lyeth, Standing upright, <HI>Tom|kin
<PB N="122" REF="70">
Turncote,</HI> who was neither
Forreigner nor Freeman; Slave
nor Soldier, Phy&s;itian nor Fen|cer,
Cobler nor Courtier, Lawyer
nor U&s;urer; But All. Who lived
neither in City nor Country, nei|ther
at Home nor Abroad, neither
at Sea nor on Land; nor here nor
el&s;ewhere: But every where. Who
Dyed neither of Hungar nor Chir&s;t,
nor Poy&s;on nor Pox, nor Hatchet
nor Halter, neither by Ca&s;ualty
nor Di&s;ea&s;e, but of all together. I
<HI>P. Q.</HI> Being neither his Debter
nor Creditor, nor Heir nor Exe|cutor,
nor Kin&s;man nor Friend,
nor Neighbour nor Stranger, but
all. In his Memory have erected
this, neither Monument nor Comb,
nor Sepulcher nor Grave; But
all the&s;e. Wi&s;hing neither Evil nor
Good, neither to Thee nor Mee,
nor Him, But All unto All.</P>
<P>This City &s;tands at pre&s;ent with|in
few Miles of the City of <HI>Gig|gum-Bobba:</HI>
<PB N="123" REF="70">
So famous for the In|vention
of Pendants, Knots, Fanns
and fal&s;e Curls for the Females:
Here al&s;o was found out that mo&s;t
Incomparable Fa&s;hion of <HI>Sholder
Ta&s;&s;ells,</HI> by which any Ingenious
Man with careful Ob&s;ervation, may
come to know his Right hand
from his left, and therein readily
an&s;wer the Querie&s;t without &s;tudy.</P>
<P>As I Travelled along the Valley
<HI>Capricious,</HI> I chanced to enter a
Town that had &s;ome &s;hape of an
Univer&s;ity: The Name they told
me was <HI>Gallipo|tilliter;</HI> here I met
with &s;ome Shadows of <HI>Philo&s;ophers,</HI>
but no &s;ub&s;tance: It is lo&s;t labour
to look for any Lectors, Rectors,
Books, or Schools of the Seven Sci|ences
here; every particular man
being his own Teacher, and his
own Auditor: Yet here are two
Colledges; one of the <HI>Scepticks,</HI> who
deny that any tru&s;t is to be given
to the Sence; and they are herein
&s;o ab&s;olute, that they will not be|lieve
<PB N="124" REF="71">
any thing po&s;itive. Steal a|way
one of their Pur&s;es, or his
Gown, and he pre&s;ently falls in
doubt, whether ever he was po&s;&s;e&s;&s;or
of &s;uch a thing or no. Strike one
of them as hard as you can, he
doubts whether you &s;truck or not,
or whether he felt any &s;troke or
not. Speak to him, or touch him,
though he hears, feels and &s;ees, yet
he dares not a&s;&s;ure him&s;elf, that any
one thing of this is true.</P>
<P>The other Colledg, con&s;i&s;teth
wholly of <HI>Gewgawi&s;ts,</HI> who give
them&s;elves wholly to the Invention
of Novelties; in Sports, Games,
Buildings, Garments and Govern|ments.
He that can devi&s;e a new
Game, or a New fa&s;hion, accord|ing
to his Invention, hath a place
of Dignity A&s;&s;igned him by the
Duke.</P>
<P>He that fir&s;t Invented to blow
bladders of Sope and Water out of
a Galli-pot with a Tobacco-pipe, is
of as great Renown among them, as
<PB N="125" REF="71">
the Inventers of Printing, Gun-found|ing,
and the mo&s;t Ingenious of Wa|ter-works
are among&s;t us of <HI>Europe.</HI>
The&s;e <HI>Gewgawi&s;ts</HI> are in great e&s;teem
at Court, and among the meaner
&s;ort too; for many of them will not
&s;o much as have a Button &s;ewed to
their Coats, without fir&s;t con&s;ult|ing
their Approbations.</P>
<P>The&s;e <HI>Gewgawi&s;ts</HI> are not only
Scholars, but Originals, for they
have devi&s;ed a new Language,
wherein they keep the My&s;teries of
their knowledg only to them&s;elves:
It is called the <HI>Supermonical</HI> Tongue,
<HI>Parracel&s;us</HI> was prova&s;t of the Col|ledg,
who&s;e Judgment went a great
way in the Invention of this &s;trange
Language. But indeed, I am not
&s;ure whether this Tongue continues
&s;till among&s;t them, or has by this
time given place to &s;ome Language
of the Later Edition.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="126" REF="72">
<HEAD>Of Fooliana the Fond.</HEAD>
<P>THis Part of <HI>Fooliana</HI> is the larg|e&s;t,
and mo&s;t Antient of all the
re&s;t. The Inhabitants of it affirm
them&s;elves the Original of all other
Nations, as <HI>Blocksford</HI> the Mother of
all other Cities.</P>
<P>It Lieth in the mid&s;t of the re&s;t, as
the Navel of this goodly Body; on
the Ea&s;t it hath <HI>Fooliana</HI> the <HI>Fickle;</HI>
on the We&s;t the <HI>Devout;</HI> and on
the North the <HI>Fatt.</HI> The Southern
part of it is called <HI>Cocks-Combaia,</HI>
of which the farthe&s;t Sourthern
canton is ju&s;t under the Pole, where
there is an <HI>Iron Rock,</HI> ju&s;t like the
<HI>Rock</HI> of <HI>Load&s;tone</HI> that is under the
North Pole, and this is the rea&s;on
why the Compa&s;s (after you are
pa&s;t the <HI>Equinoctial)</HI> declines toward
the South.</P>
<P>This part of the Province of
<HI>Cocks-Combaia,</HI> is peopled with &s;loath|ful
Inhabitants, but the Northern
<PB N="127" REF="72">
part is po&s;&s;e&s;&s;ed by more Indu&s;tri|ous
and Active Spirits.</P>
<P>Had I not beheld the &s;trange be|viour
of the&s;e Southern <HI>Cocks-Combai|ans,</HI>
I could never have believed that
Nature had be&s;towed &s;o Divine a Gift
as Rea&s;on, upon &s;uch bruiti&s;h Ani|mals;
for all of them go like Bea&s;ts
upon all four, nor do they know
any other way of Travelling.</P>
<P>There is no hou&s;e in all this
part of the Country, becau&s;e, nei|ther
the Inhabitants can build any
them&s;elves, nor will &s;uffer others
to Build any; for they dare not ad|venture
under a Roof, le&s;t it &s;hould
fall upon their heads.</P>
<P>They are every year many of
them &s;tarved to death, with hun|ger
and cold, for they can neither
dre&s;s their meat, nor make them|&s;elves
Apparrel, or Bedding; nor can
they &s;peak one word of Sence,
There's not a man of them knows
his own Father, nor his own Son,
nor Wife; nor how to Return the
<PB N="128" REF="73">
&s;ame way he came, nor can di&s;tin|gui&s;h
a Bear from a Sheep, or a
Lyon from a Catt; nay, there are
&s;ome of them, that cannot tell whe|ther
they &s;hould put their meat in
at their Mouths, No&s;trils, or Ears.
In &s;hort, Imagin you &s;aw a real
<HI>A&s;s</HI> in Humane &s;hape, and &s;uch a
one is a true <HI>South-Country Cocks-Combaian.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of A&s;s-Sex.</HEAD>
<P><HI>ASS-Sex</HI> a Northern part of
<HI>Fooliana</HI> the <HI>Fond,</HI> is &s;omewhat
better furni&s;hed with wit, and wor|thyer
of a Travellers Ob&s;ervation;
the People account them&s;elves won|deful
wi&s;e, and profe&s;s the &s;earching
into Natures mo&s;t Ab&s;truce Effects,
never leaving till they have drawn
one rea&s;on or other, from the very
bottom of Inve&s;tigation.</P>
<P>They have but one eye a piece;
not Born &s;o, but the Parents at the
<PB N="129" REF="73">
Childs Birth plucks out the other as
being u&s;ele&s;s in nature; for &s;ay
they, when one Eye is &s;hut, the
other hath a &s;tronger faculty to
di&s;cern.</P>
<P>Part of this Nation go all naked,
to avoid the Labour of ca&s;eing and
unca&s;eing: Some of them have Hou|&s;es
built without Walls, that the
fre&s;h Aire may have free Acce&s;s;
&s;ome of them build Ne&s;ts like Daws
in the highe&s;t Trees, partly be|cau&s;e
they might dwell nigher Hea|ven,
and partly to exerci&s;e them|&s;elves
in Climbing.</P>
<P>Every particular man has his pe|culiar
Opinion, and profe&s;&s;ion; am|bition
and de&s;ire of Glory, draws
&s;ome of them into &s;trange and
incredible Actions; you &s;hall
have &s;ome going up and down the
Streets on their Heads and Hands,
others flying about with Wings
made of Wax and Feathers.</P>
<P><PB N="130" REF="74">
Some like your <HI>Italian Mounte|banks,</HI>
draw the People together, to
behold the effects of &s;ome rare <HI>Vn|guento,</HI>
or &s;ome &s;trange <HI>Engine.</HI></P>
<P>Others out of the ba&s;e&s;t Mettals,
by a Secret Art, can extract the
pure&s;t Gold; 'tis worth the laugh|ing
at, to &s;ee the Toyl&s;ome folly of
the&s;e Extractors: The&s;e Students
for the <HI>Phylo&s;opher Stone;</HI> for look
ye, while they hope all goes well,
it being brought to the Magnitude
of a <HI>Brick-Bat,</HI> they are gull'd, and
gull'd and Treble gull'd, and yet
can't find in their hearts to give&punc;
it over, till all their Gold be con|verted
to Dro&s;s, and all their Land
by fire turn'd to Aire.</P>
<P>One of them of late, as I was
informed, would needs repair to
the <HI>Oracle,</HI> to know the event of
this &s;o ponderous a bu&s;ine&s;s; the
<HI>Oracle</HI> gave him this an&s;wer, <HI>Tra|vaillex,</HI>
which is, <HI>take pains;</HI> home
comes my Student with &s;uch an
Extacy of Joy, as if he had hold
<PB N="131" REF="74">
of his god by the Finger; and
when all came to all, it was the
<HI>Devil by the great Toe.</HI> Well, to
work he falls, with Circulations,
Sublimations, Conjunctions and Fer|minations,
till all his Brazen head|le&s;s
labour ended in putrefaction,
till Revenues and Reputation were
both dead and rotten; whereas in|deed,
the <HI>Oracle</HI> gave him better
Councel than he could comprehend,
<HI>Take Pains.</HI> That is,</P>
<L>A Mathook, and a Spade, will get thee Gold,</L>
<L>Sooner than Chymi&s;try a Thou&s;and Fold.</L>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the Cityes of Cock&s;com-baya
and A&s;s-Sex, and of Blocks-ford
the Metropolitan.</HEAD>
<P>THe fir&s;t City I Acco&s;ted in this
Country, was <HI>Hollow-Pate,</HI> a
Town of Good antiquity and well
contrived, but affords no rarity;
therefore I leave it, and pa&s;s on to
<PB N="132" REF="75">
<HI>Bauble-dock,</HI> a Corporation Wor|thily
Famous, for the Wi&s;dom of
their <HI>Aldermen:</HI> The&s;e men a little
before my arrival, held a Court about
Determination of a very doubtful
matter; which was thus.</P>
<P>The Sky was very Cloudy, and
a terrible &s;torm of Rain or hail
was generally feared. The Mayor
immediately calls a Bench, who
were to Con&s;ult how to di&s;pel the
&s;u&s;pected Storm.</P>
<P>The Fir&s;t Mans advice, was to
Ring all the Bells in the Town;
another Advi&s;ed rather to make
great Fires in every Street; thereby
to dry up the Moy&s;ture of tho&s;e
thick Clouds; at length, the Opini|on
of one of the grave&s;t Alder|men
was demanded, who &s;tanding
up, Confutes the Opinions of the
two former Politicians, adding
his advice, which was, that the
only quirk to avoid the impending
peremptory Storm, was to I&s;&s;ue
forth Immediate Orders, command|ing
<PB N="133" REF="75">
all the Citizens to &s;hroud them|&s;elves
under the Roofs of their own
Hou&s;es, and &s;o let it all fall to the
ground, that &s;o when tho&s;e bigg|fac'd,
bragging Clouds, found no
re&s;i&s;tance, they would de&s;troy them|&s;elves,
and expend their fury before
they were aware; Was not this an
ingenious Intrigue? Yes, believe
me t'was, and had the Unanimous
approbation of the whole Bench;
<HI>Twittle Twattle, don't tell me, Wi&s;|dom
is not bound to Inhabit only Eu|rope.</HI></P>
<P><HI>Blocks-ford</HI> The very eye of all
Terre&s;tial Cities is here &s;eated, <HI>Civitas
Angelorum,</HI> are but <HI>Peas-Markets</HI> in
compari&s;on of this.</P>
<P>It &s;tands partly on a pla&s;hy plain,
and partly upon a little Mountain,
both lying Northward, a great di&s;|tance
from any Wood or River:
The upper part of the Town &s;erves
the lower with Snow-Water; the
lower &s;erving the upper with Spring-Water.</P>
<P><PB N="134" REF="76">
There are in the Circumference
of the Walls, ju&s;t <HI>Sixteen Gates,</HI>
wherein (to the Founders Fame) it
exceeds all the Cities of the World
by four; the Geometrical form is
neither Circuler nor Oval, but like
the portraiture of a mans Body; he
that Surveys this Town, will Ima|gine
that he beholds <HI>Prometheus,</HI> as
he lies bound upon Mount <HI>Adazer:</HI>
Or, the Lineaments of &s;ome migh|ty
<HI>Colo&s;&s;us.</HI></P>
<P>The Market place is on the Hills
top, for that being the Head of the
City, Admini&s;ters life and Nouri&s;h|ment
to the expanded Body.</P>
<P>On this Mountains top, the <HI>Mag|nificoes</HI>
and <HI>Seniors</HI> of the City have
their habitations, to the end, that
as they are the Head and Eye of
of the City; &s;o the Body &s;hould
lye as a fitter Object to their pro|&s;pect.</P>
<P>Down from this head de&s;cendeth
a narrow Street, which re&s;embles
the Neck; which is Inhabited only
<PB N="135" REF="76">
with <HI>Sergeants, Beadles,</HI> and <HI>Deputy
Con&s;tables:</HI> From the lower end of
this Street, do two other extend
them&s;elves on either &s;ide, re&s;em|bling
the Arms and Hands. The&s;e
are peopled, though but &s;orrily,
with Handy-crafts Men, but with
few or no Crafts-Ma&s;ters.</P>
<P>The Bulk of this Fabrick Lyes
in a Broader Street, and here you
have all your <HI>Inns, Ale-Hou&s;es,</HI> and
<HI>Taverns,</HI> down to the Loyns; the
lower parts being Inhabited by <HI>Sca|vingers,
Jackes-Firmers, Broom-Men,
Fi&s;h-Wives,</HI> and <HI>Card-match Wenches,</HI>
which I &s;hall Let alone.</P>
<P>The <HI>Magnificoes</HI> build their Hou|&s;es
of a &s;tately Form, and very lof|ty,
to be thereby the nearer to
Heaven; and more elevated from
this unrefined Dunghil of Terre&s;tial
Conver&s;ation. Their Hou&s;es are cu|riou&s;ly
depicted within, with the
Names of their Ance&s;tors, Gue&s;ts,
and intimate Acquaintance; <HI>Done
with Charcoal, or the Flame of a Tal|low
Candle.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="136" REF="77">
The <HI>Grand-Dun&s;onions,</HI> for &s;o the
Burgoma&s;ters Tytle them&s;elves,
whil&s;t I was there, held a <HI>Parliament</HI>
about matters of State in general;
and in particular about Securing,
Brautifying, and Advancing the
Publick good of this City of <HI>Blocks|ford,</HI>
where every one (as is allowed)
gave his Opinion, touching the
Commodious Advantages thereof;
one Advi&s;es them to cau&s;e a Con|venient
Haven to be cut through
the Mountains, (though it was a|bove
five hundred Miles from the
Sea) that Ships may Trade to the
City; produceing examples of o|ther
Cities, who&s;e Glory &s;tood
wholly upon the Riches of a Navi|gable
Trade.</P>
<P>A Second ri&s;eth, and to confute
all the others Arguments, Di&s;cour|&s;es
what a dangerous thing it is to
repo&s;e Confidence in &s;uch an incon|&s;tant
element; producing divers Ex|amples
of Cities that lay buried in
the devouring Womb of the Seas.</P>
<P><PB N="137" REF="77">
Another rather advi&s;es, that <HI>Con|duits</HI>
may be Erected in the Vallies,
that will elevate, and defu&s;e the
Water in &s;maller &s;treams, without
fear of Delluges; which may be
conveyed in pipes from below to the
Mountains top, which is ea&s;y to be
done; &s;aies he, for if you ob&s;erve
the Water, how it bubbles upwards,
thereby denoting, that it is willing
to a&s;cend, if it had but Pipes for
Conveyence.</P>
<P>Well, none of the&s;e pa&s;&s;es the Ap|probation
of the <HI>Bench,</HI> but then &s;ud|denly
up &s;tarts a Fourth, and he is for
rai&s;ing a high Mountain above the
City, for the&s;e &s;ub&s;equent u&s;es.</P>
<P>Fir&s;t, becau&s;e the whole World
might not take notice of the Acti|ons
of the <HI>Blocks-fordians;</HI> and more
e&s;pecially of the <HI>Grand-Dun&s;onions.</HI>
Secondly, That thereby the City
would be better fortified. Thirdly,
That they might be better defended
from Cold, by the warm Scituation
of the City, under &s;o high a Mount;
<PB N="138" REF="78">
and that this Mountain the Inha|bitants
of the Valley &s;hould dig be|low,
and &s;o lay it together above
the head of the City, and then a
Bridge &s;hould be built from one
Mountain to the other; by which
the City might be Accommodated
with nece&s;&s;aries.</P>
<P>This Speech ended, up &s;teps ano|ther,
and &s;miling, demands if it
were po&s;&s;ible <HI>that a Valley &s;hould
produce a Mountain:</HI> But &s;aid he,
&s;hould we allow a po&s;ibility, yet to
build a Bridg were indi&s;cretion; for,
&s;hould a Traveller &s;tumble, or lo&s;e
foot-hold; there were no way in
the World to e&s;cape pre&s;ent death,
or which is wor&s;e, the breaking of
an Arm or a Leg: No, but if my
&s;mall Experience in State-Affairs,
may Receive Approbation of this
Grave A&s;&s;embly of <HI>Dun&s;onions,</HI> I
would rather advi&s;e to an enter|pri&s;e
which may be ea&s;ily effected,
and would advance the Honour and
Dignity of this Metropolitan City,
which is this:</P>
<P><PB N="139" REF="78">
That every man according to
his Ability, &s;hall erect a Spire upon
the top of his Hou&s;e; and upon the
uppermo&s;t point thereof &s;hall ad|vance
a <HI>Cock,</HI> Vulgarly called a
<HI>Weather-Cock;</HI> either of Bra&s;s, or
Silver, with a <HI>Combe</HI> of Gold, or
Gold&s;miths Work. This <HI>Cock</HI> to be
moveable, and to follow the ex|pre&s;s
commands of the Wind.</P>
<P>And in every Spire I would have
<HI>Chimes,</HI> or at lea&s;t a <HI>Clock,</HI> to &s;trike
hourly; which being once complea|ted,
O! What Pathetick Spirit can
expre&s;s the reduplicated delight
which will redound from hence,
both to the Eye and Ear!</P>
<P>To &s;ee &s;uch a glittering fulgur of
<HI>Lofty Spires,</HI> and to hear &s;uch a
&s;weet Clamor of <HI>Harmonious Bells.</HI></P>
<P>He had not quite clo&s;ed his
Mouth, before the whole Court
opens in Acclamations, and Appro|bations,
of this Project, &s;o gravely
and States-Man like propounded,
and pre&s;ently the Bench aro&s;e,
<PB N="140" REF="79">
Commanding the performance, ac|cording
to this &s;o Learned Advice;
&s;o that, he that in his Travels &s;hall
hereafter Arrive at this City, will
find it in far more Glorious E&s;tate
then it was my hap to behold. That's
certain, for I &s;aw &s;ome of the
<HI>Scaffolds</HI> rai&s;ed before I came from
thence.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of the
Marqui&s;ate of Spendall-ezza.</HEAD>
<P>NEre unto <HI>Blocks-ford,</HI> lyeth the
<HI>Marqui&s;ate</HI> of <HI>Spendall-ezza,</HI> a
Country not long &s;ince very Rich,
and of Antique and Honourable Me|mory;
but now it is quite gon
down the Wind: I ob&s;erved no|thing
worthy of note, except a
Large Forre&s;t called <HI>Acteons Dogg-Kennel,</HI>
and an Eight &s;quare City
called <HI>Hey-Dice;</HI> with another lit|tle
Corporation, by the Inhabitants
named <HI>Hawks-Pearch.</HI></P>
<P>The Inhabitants of all the&s;e are
<PB N="141" REF="79">
the only Spenders under the Moon;
they &s;tudy nothing in the World
but the Mi&s;tery of &s;cattering; &s;ome
delighting in Rich <HI>Habits,</HI> &s;ome in
<HI>Doggs,</HI> &s;ome in <HI>Hawks,</HI> &s;ome upon
a pair of <HI>Ivory Cubes,</HI> or <HI>A pack of
Speckled Pa&s;t-boards;</HI> and thus their
patrimonies take Wing, and when
all is gone but Garments, Ene have
at all, and farewell them too.</P>
<P>The <HI>Dice,</HI> or the <HI>Brokers,</HI> are their
Ordinary Chapmen; well, what's a
man but his plea&s;ure: But now
whether this <HI>Marqui&s;ate</HI> belongs to
<HI>Fooliana the Fond:</HI> Or, <HI>the Fat?</HI>
that I cannot re&s;olve: But how|ever,
I am &s;ure 'tis within the Ter|ritories
of <HI>Fooliana the Great.</HI></P>
<P>Some Lawyers and U&s;urers have
formerly inhabited about this Coun|try,
but in this Latter Age they
are all tran&s;ported, and mo&s;t of
them dwell now about the City
of <HI>Pick-Pocket-an-gul,</HI> in the Pro|vince
of <HI>Thevingenia,</HI> of which I
&s;hall di&s;cour&s;e by and by.</P>
<P><PB N="142" REF="80">
In this Continent joyning to
<HI>Spendall-ezza,</HI> is the Antient port of
<HI>Cold-harbour,</HI> which is joyning to
<HI>Prodigalls Promentory,</HI> which is a
Sanctuary to Banckrupt Debtors. To
this place Re&s;orts all that are ca&s;t
in Law, or &s;uch as are In&s;ufficient
to &s;atisfie their deluded Creditors.</P>
<P>Tho&s;e in this Country that have
any Sons, A&s;&s;ign them their patri|monys
before Nature allows them
any Beards: And if in ca&s;e they
dye before this time, all the E&s;tate
is left to their Wives; out of which
&s;he pays their debts by <HI>Seque&s;tra|tion.</HI>
But if they bury their Wives,
they lavi&s;h more on their Funerals,
than would &s;erve for a portion
with the Foule&s;t of their Daugh|ters.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="143" REF="80">
<HEAD>Of Clawback-Court.</HEAD>
<P>BEtween this <HI>Marqui&s;ate</HI> and <HI>Fooli|ana</HI>
the <HI>Fat,</HI> lieth another Na|tion
called <HI>Clawback-Court,</HI> which
is peopled with the &s;trange&s;t Mon|&s;ters
that ever man beheld; every
man has two faces, and &s;peaks with
two Tongues.</P>
<P>This Nation is Born to &s;ervitude,
and voluntarily make them&s;elves
Slaves to the <HI>Magnificoes</HI> of <HI>Foolia|na</HI>
the <HI>Fat,</HI> which Borders upon
this Country? And though they
are &s;o &s;otti&s;h, that they cannot of
them&s;elves enterpri&s;e any thing
worthy of commendation; yet they
can immitate, and Counterfeit any
Action they &s;ee done before them.
The World has not the like for
exact re&s;emblances; they neither
wear Attire, &s;peak word, or do deed,
but they have &s;een the like be|fore.</P>
<P><PB N="144" REF="81">
When I was there, they halted
all upon one Leg, and went Spit|ing
and Spawling from Morning
till Night: The Rea&s;on was, as I
&s;ince under&s;tood, that <HI>Seignor-Tickle-Ear</HI>
their Governour, had of late
hurt his Foot, and withall was trou|bled
with an Old <HI>Pocky Cough.</HI></P>
<P>There are by Report, &s;ome Gal|lants
among them, pertaining to
the Court, &s;peak to, or look but
upon one of them, and you &s;hall
have him pre&s;ently ki&s;s his hand,
cringe in the Ham, and with a La|borious
Congee, like an <HI>Eccho,</HI> Re|verberate
the la&s;t word you &s;peak;
and with an Applauding &s;mile twi&s;t
within you, with the mo&s;t fawning
Terms immaginable, Mu&s;tring up
a whole <HI>Heralds-Office</HI> of Titles,
and top-heavie Preambles. Then
putting his lips together, &s;tand ho|vering
for your next Syllable, to un|der&s;tand
how his la&s;t was approved:
which if Current, though &s;carcely
Sen&s;e, is pre&s;ently Recorded in his
<PB N="145" REF="81">
Tables as more than Humane Con|ceipt,
nay, as an adored Oracle; then
&s;tanding with his Eyes fixt on the
Element, adores you with as warm
a Zeal, as a <HI>Drink-All-Main</HI> does
<HI>Bacchus</HI> upon all four.</P>
<P>The&s;e increditable Courtiers are
the Principal Gentry in the&s;e parts,
or at lea&s;t their outward appearance
pre&s;ents them &s;o: As for the re&s;t,
they are, or look like <HI>Barbers, Sales-Men</HI>
and <HI>Milleners.</HI></P>
<P>They acknowledge no <HI>God,</HI> but
the man whom they make choice
to &s;erve; and him they ob&s;erve
with more Sacrifices and Adoration
than an <HI>Idol,</HI> but it is from the
the Teeth Outwards.</P>
<P>The fir&s;t City in this Region is
called, <HI>Prai&s;e-all:</HI> A &s;ight-affecting
Structure; but &s;o &s;lightly Built,
that there is no hope it &s;hould
&s;tand long. It is much enriched
by the Traffick of the River <HI>Fiction,</HI>
and is often damnified by the In|undations
of the &s;ame. Nere this
<PB N="146" REF="82">
Town &s;tandeth a Village called
<HI>Tongue-Walk,</HI> where the Inhabitants
are continually talking; this Vil|lage
is Scituate at the Foot of a
Mountain, from whence it ari&s;eth
as far as <HI>Tickle-ear,</HI> a Famous
Burrow-Town, where &s;tands the
Mannor-Hou&s;e of their <HI>Senior;</HI> who
derives his Title from hence.</P>
<P>The Inhabitants imploy them|&s;elves
in continual Laughters.</P>
<P>On the other &s;ide of this Mount,
lieth a plea&s;ant valley called <HI>Sooth|ing-Dale;</HI>
and at the further end
thereof, is a <HI>Mar&s;h</HI> called <HI>Scoffstow|fen,</HI>
which reacheth down as far as
<HI>Shame&s;teed;</HI> a Town of infamous
note, whither they u&s;e to bani&s;h all
their <HI>Witches, Conjurers, A&s;s-trolo|gers</HI>
and <HI>Almanack-Makers.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="147" REF="82">
<HEAD>Of Fooliana the Fat.</HEAD>
<P>THis Region appears to exceed all
the Southern Countries round
about for Wealth and Plea&s;ure; and
were it as it &s;eems, I que&s;tion whe|ther
the whole Northern World,
could find a Country to parallel
it: But indeed, the People general|ly
feign to have what really they
have not; and do fairly amplify that
which they po&s;&s;e&s;s.</P>
<P>There is a double ledg of Moun|tains
extend &s;ome ninety <HI>German</HI>
Miles in length, and between them
is a &s;pacious Plain of the &s;ame
length; and this is <HI>Fooliana</HI> the <HI>Fat,</HI>
through which the River of <HI>Ea&s;e,</HI>
a very goodly Current, hath its
cour&s;e, with many Semi-circling
Meanders.</P>
<P>Do but imagine what delicate
Pro&s;pects, are from &s;o many &s;tate|ly
Cities, as are ranked on the
Mountains &s;ides, over the fertil
<PB N="148" REF="83">
Plaines, &s;o Richly watred; and
&s;tored with fat pa&s;tures, which are
Inviron'd with comely ranks of
flouri&s;hing <HI>Willows.</HI></P>
<P>The neatne&s;s of the&s;e Cities ex|cells
their number; yet are they
but of a &s;light kind of building;
and though their outward forms pro|mi&s;e
all decorum; yet within you
&s;hall find very little good Order.</P>
<P>At the Mouth of the pa&s;&s;age,
through the&s;e Mountains, &s;tand|eth
the Ca&s;tle of <HI>Braggadril,</HI>
proudly Built, but beggarly Stated;
And nigh unto it is <HI>Backbiting-Burg:</HI>
By this Town is a Rock of incre|dible
altitude called <HI>Breakneccliff;</HI>
it is as broad at the top, as at the
bottom, and beareth the form ra|ther
of a Tower built by mans
hand, than any work of Nature.
This Rock is as famous for a place
of Execution here, <HI>as ever the</HI> Tar|peian
Cliff <HI>was in</HI> Rome.</P>
<P>On the other &s;ide of this Fa|mous
Cliff &s;tands the City of <HI>Bawds-Den.</HI>
<PB N="149" REF="83">
This City has been oftener
on fire than ever was Old <HI>Rome;</HI>
partly through the Negligence of
the Citizens, and partly through
the aptne&s;s to take fire; for they
u&s;e in their Buildings <HI>Brim&s;tone</HI> in|&s;tead
of <HI>Lime,</HI> and <HI>Brandy</HI> in&s;tead
of <HI>Water,</HI> which &s;erves them in&s;tead
of <HI>Tarris</HI> or <HI>Morter,</HI> being mixed
together.</P>
<P>Adjoyning to this, is Scituate a|nother
little City called <HI>Puncks-ne&s;t</HI>
Built all of <HI>Flint;</HI> and a little fur|ther
towards the Frontires of <HI>Idle-Burg,</HI>
lie tho&s;e large Mountains,
commonly called <HI>Holiday-Hills;</HI>
where the people keep continual
Revels, and &s;it in Judgment upon
&s;uch as offend by ob&s;erving work|ing
dayes.</P>
<P>Two fair Cities are &s;eated on
the&s;e Hills, <HI>Games-bury</HI> and <HI>Merry-Com-twang;</HI>
and on the Ea&s;t &s;ide of
them the River <HI>Ea&s;e</HI> falls into the
River <HI>Idle,</HI> making three or four
<HI>I&s;lands,</HI> called by the Inhabitants
<PB N="150" REF="84">
the <HI>Dancing-I&s;les,</HI> Inhabited only
by <HI>Organi&s;ts, Pipers</HI> and <HI>Fidlers.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>The
Quality and Conditions of the People.</HEAD>
<P>EVery Individual man in this
Country profe&s;&s;es him&s;elf a Gen|tleman
Born. And mo&s;t of them
can &s;hew <HI>Pedigrees</HI> for a thou&s;and
years before the World was crea|ted;
you &s;hall have their Galleries
drawn with their Lineal and Cola|teral
De&s;cents, though the Neigh|bours
are able to prove, their <HI>Grand|fathers</HI>
were either <HI>Carters, Co&s;ter|mongers,</HI>
or <HI>Coblers.</HI></P>
<P>Their be&s;t &s;ort of Gentry con|tent
them&s;elves with the poore&s;t
fare that ever attended a fa&s;ting-day;
yet &s;ome of them perhaps
will make a fea&s;t once a year;
which for exce&s;s of Provi&s;ions,
and Multitudes of Gue&s;t, will put
a period to the Inviters Revenues;
who all the year after will defraud
<PB N="151" REF="84">
his barking &s;tomach, to accomo|date
the back with the be&s;t he can
rake together; yet will they never
acknowledg or confe&s;s their defect
of Belly-Timber, but the contrary;
where ever you meet them about
dinner time, you may ob&s;erve them
picking their Teeths, as if newly
come from the de&s;truction of a
Regiment of Di&s;hes.</P>
<P>No man that knows them will
lend them a Groat upon their Cre|dits:
Therefore they are obliged to
to hire their Apparel at the Burrow
Town of <HI>Brokeria,</HI> or take it up
at Bumaree of the Merchants of
<HI>Tallymore.</HI></P>
<P>They give them&s;elves tedious
long Names, and delight to have
their Country and alliance mentio|ned
in their Titles; which being
joyned together, it is directly im|po&s;&s;ible
to pronounce in a breath.
<HI>The Gentleman-Cook</HI> at the Ordina|ry
where I dined, was named
<HI>Signior Hernando Gonzalo Ribadenira
<PB N="152" REF="85">
de Toledo;</HI> They wear their <HI>Swords</HI>
generally as long as their Titles;
for I hapned to be there when
the Youth were <HI>Training,</HI> or indeed
more properly <HI>Trayling;</HI> as appears
by their <HI>Trayling</HI> of <HI>Swords</HI> at their
heels, as we our <HI>Pikes</HI> to accom|modate
the Funerals of a Field-Officer:
But hold there, &s;tand clear
a little, I am re&s;olved to have one
touch at this long <HI>Sword</HI> with my
ver&s;e-Pen:</P>
<L>Walking the <HI>Fields</HI> to view the <HI>Martial Train,</HI></L>
<L>With <HI>Drums</HI> and <HI>Colours</HI> Marching on the <HI>Plain.</HI></L>
<L>That which I &s;aw which mo&s;t Delight affords,</L>
<L>Was <HI>Pigmy-Gyants,</HI> with <HI>Gygantick Swords.</HI></L>
<L>Have you a <HI>Barbers Pole,</HI> or <HI>Sign-Po&s;t</HI> view'd,</L>
<L>Such was each <HI>Weapon,</HI> as to <HI>Longitude:</HI></L>
<L>But was not altogether quite &s;o Large,</L>
<L>Hung like the <HI>Rudder</HI> of a <HI>We&s;tern Barge?</HI></L>
<L>The <HI>Pommel</HI> like the <HI>Helm,</HI> each by his Hand,</L>
<L><HI>Steers</HI> his <HI>&s;mall Burthen'd Bark</HI> with, at Comand.</L>
<L>The <HI>Guard</HI> or <HI>Hilt</HI> I fancied did appear,</L>
<L>Like nothing more than a deep <HI>Cullender.</HI></L>
<L>I &s;aw one drawn; and then it look't, me thought,</L>
<L>Like a long <HI>Spit</HI> run through a <HI>Porridg-Pot.</HI></L>
<PB N="153" REF="85">
<L>Which on a <HI>March</HI> Good Service may afford,</L>
<L>Steal but a <HI>Lamb</HI> and Spit it on the <HI>Sword;</HI></L>
<L>And a good &s;hift for <HI>Ro&s;t-meat,</HI> take my <HI>Word.</HI></L>
<P><HI>O&s;tridge</HI> Feathers are as dear with
them, as <HI>Ru&s;&s;ia Furs</HI> with us; &s;ome
of them will hang Bells at their
heels, that the noi&s;e may attract
peoples eyes upon their graceful
carriage as they pa&s;s the Streets.</P>
<P>One thing I marvelled at among
the re&s;t, (as well I might); mo&s;t of
them, in&s;tead of Meat, live upon
the fume of a certain Herb, which
they receive through a long En|gine
made of white Clay into their
Mouths; from whence it i&s;&s;ues like
the fume of a <HI>Brewers Chimney;</HI> I
know not certainly whether they
had this from the <HI>We&s;t Indians,</HI> or
the <HI>We&s;t Indians</HI> from them: Yet
&s;ome affirm, that the <HI>Indians</HI> of the
<HI>Torred Zone</HI> Invented the &s;ame to
make them&s;elves black within, di&s;|liking
to have their inner parts of
one Colour, and their outward of
another.
<PB N="154" REF="86">
Some of them wa&s;t their patri|monies
upon this kind of Diet,
Smoaking &s;o long till all the Fat
be in the Fire, and all the Fire out
of the Kitchen.</P>
<P>Some of them e&s;pecially in <HI>Bawds-Den,</HI>
and <HI>Punks-ne&s;t,</HI> keep certain
females as long as their E&s;tates
will la&s;t; (certain did I &s;ay) well
I was mi&s;taken; for when they have
&s;weetned you out of mo&s;t of your
<HI>Superfluous Guinies:</HI> Their Lodgings
are removed, and 'tis very uncer|tain
where, or when, either you or
their Landladies &s;hall &s;ee them a|gain.
The&s;e had formerly the Ti|tles
of <HI>Harlots:</HI> But &s;ince their
Language has been more Civili|zed,
they give them the <HI>Alamode
Name of Courtezans,</HI> which the Mo|dern
Tran&s;lation Renders <HI>Mi&s;s:</HI> Be|&s;ides
a Wife, the&s;e Supernumeraries
are allowed, to &s;uch as can maintain
them both by Law, and the Anti|ent
Cu&s;tom of the Country.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="155" REF="86">
<HEAD>Of the
Paradice of Fooliana the Fat.</HEAD>
<P>THere is not in all <HI>Fooliana,</HI>
&s;o Rare and Stupendious a
Monument, as <HI>The Paradice of</HI>
Fooliana <HI>the Fat;</HI> A work worthy
of admiration: You &s;hall afar off,
behold a &s;hining Mountain all of
pure Gold, or it &s;eems &s;o, and that's
as good; framed in old time by
Chymical Art. On the top of
this Mountain &s;tandeth a Palace of
Cri&s;tal, built by the <HI>Godde&s;s For|tune,</HI>
where &s;he Inhabits, giving
freely all Abundance to her Cre|dulous
Wor&s;hipers.</P>
<P>Hither do People Flock from all
the Nations of the World; but
e&s;pecially from <HI>Fooliana</HI> the <HI>Devout:</HI>
There are very few in the World
but have &s;een this Mount, and A&s;|cended
it.</P>
<P><PB N="156" REF="87">
Men may talk of our Lady of
<HI>Loretto:</HI> Or, St. <HI>James</HI> of <HI>Compo&s;tel|la:</HI>
They are but De&s;arts in
Compari&s;on of this. Here the Pil|grims
lye pro&s;trate in the Valley
as thick as hail&s;tones in the Road
after a fro&s;ty Storm, but none mu&s;t
approach the a&s;cent of the Hill, till
they behold a white Banner di&s;|played,
which is a &s;ign the <HI>God|de&s;s</HI>
is plea&s;ed they &s;hould a&s;cend;
then unanimou&s;ly with Acclamati|ons
they bellow, <HI>Madona Scoperta;</HI>
and then run that run can, crowd|ing
one another in the narrowne&s;s
of the pa&s;&s;age; happy is he that
can get fir&s;t; each praying that it
would be the <HI>Godde&s;&s;es</HI> plea&s;ure to
grant his de&s;ires.</P>
<P>One prayes to attain his Love;
Another, that Fortune would &s;end
him a Wife that is no <HI>Shrew:</HI> A
Third, for <HI>Honours;</HI> A Fourth, for
<HI>Riches;</HI> here you &s;hall have a par|cel
of Young <HI>Heirs</HI> praying for
the <HI>Deaths of Parents and Vncles;</HI>
<PB N="157" REF="87">
and there a <HI>Crowd of Beardle&s;s
Students,</HI> praying devoutly for
the Funerals of the <HI>Reverend,</HI> and
Right <HI>Reverend.</HI></P>
<P>Their was an <HI>Old Fat Blade</HI>
Cloathed with a Coate paley of
Argent and Sable, and on his head
a Crown of very Antick Fa&s;hion,
almo&s;t like a <HI>Dutch</HI>-Womans
<HI>Stove-Pot</HI> with the Bottom out;
this kind of Crown the Inhabitants
call a <HI>Timer.</HI> This Old Fellow
prayed heartily for the Death of
the pre&s;ent <HI>Pope.</HI></P>
<P>Another King-like Per&s;on &s;ued
for the next Monarchy that fell;
but he was &s;ent away as cold as a
Snow-Ball. Here &s;tood a Flock of
hard-favoured Wenches, mo&s;t of
their &s;uit was for <HI>Beauty;</HI> &s;ome for
<HI>Sweet-Hearts:</HI> There a parcel of Old
Women with as many <HI>Oaken Trees</HI>
in their heads, as <HI>Teeth;</HI> and the&s;e
expected to be &s;et back to the age
of Eighteen: You mu&s;t note, there
were abundance more than I could
take notice of.</P>
<P><PB N="158" REF="88">
Well, But how came they off?
For that take one Example of a
per&s;on that &s;ought for Honour:
Comes one of the <HI>Flammins</HI> to him,
blindfolds him, takes him by the
hand, and leads him through a hund|red
Turnings, to a place which he is
to believe is the Temple of the <HI>God|de&s;s,</HI>
not to be beheld with mortal
eyes, and therefore he was Muffled:
Down he mu&s;t upon all four, and
ki&s;s the pavement, and &s;o continue
without moving, till the <HI>Godde&s;s</HI>
call him by his Name: Then let
him demand what he li&s;t; (If he
effect her commands without delay
or di&s;tru&s;t) be his reque&s;t never &s;o
difficult, it &s;hall be fulfilled. Well,
he propounds his petition, which
was the highe&s;t pitch of earthly
honours: the <HI>Godde&s;s</HI> a&s;&s;ents very
gratiou&s;ly, commanding him to re|ceive
a Holy portion; whereby
his Spirits &s;hould be better adapt|ed
for the en&s;uing felicity; the
<HI>Flammin</HI> pre&s;ents him the Cup,
<PB N="159" REF="88">
which he freely drinks off, prai&s;ing
in his thoughts its delicious ta&s;te;
being ignorant that it is a portion
prepared of <HI>Poppy, Opium</HI> and <HI>Let|tice;</HI>
and &s;uch other procurers of
Sleep; well, within an hour he's as
fa&s;t, that it is as ea&s;ie to remove a
Mountain as to awake him.</P>
<P>Then the Attendants lay him in
a Rich Bed, and in a Chamber
like a Kings, Clad with Ivory,
and Arched with Golden Pillars;
all the Tables &s;pread with Car|pets:
<HI>The Arras of Champania, and
the Tape&s;try of Alexandria,</HI> are but
<HI>Sackcloath</HI> in compari&s;on to them.</P>
<P>About the Door &s;tands the A|tendants
in Gold Chaines, and
all other Courtier-like Accouter|ments,
expecting when this <HI>Endim|mion
Junior</HI> will awake, which is
commonly three dayes after; who
lifting up his head, beholds the
Room with amazement: And &s;ee|ing
this fair company of &s;hining
attendance, is wholly transformed
with wonder.</P>
<P><PB N="160" REF="89">
While&s;t they approach in Order
with a Ceremonious reverence, &s;a|luting
the awakened King, with
the Titles of Maje&s;ty, (I prote&s;t
this is brave): &s;ayes one, What Ap|parrel
will it plea&s;e Your Maje&s;ty
to wear to day; either your &s;uit of
<HI>Ti&s;&s;ue</HI> Embrodered with <HI>Rubies,</HI> or
your <HI>Gold Ve&s;t</HI> with <HI>Carbuncle But|tons,</HI>
or your <HI>Pearl-powdered Cam|paign?</HI>
Yes, yes, <HI>Ti&s;&s;ues, Rubies,
Pearles, Diamonds, Carbuncles;</HI> hay
day, why the mans an <HI>Endimmion</HI>
indeed; and won't change &s;tates
with the <HI>Man in the Moon,</HI> for all
his Cellar of <HI>Claret.</HI></P>
<P>Well, Rich Garments are brought,
every one A&s;&s;i&s;ting to array this
Mighty Monarch, &s;etting a <HI>Diadem</HI>
upon his head; adorned with
<HI>Pearles</HI> of Incredible Magnitude,
and Lu&s;tre: All this goes well
&s;till.</P>
<P>Well thinks he to him&s;elf, get
Dinner ready, (as 'twas time, hav|ing
not eat in three dayes); &s;o
<PB N="161" REF="89">
thought, &s;o done; Dinner is prepa|red
and &s;erved up in State; &s;uch
rare Services; &s;uch brave Atten|dants;
with &s;uch Harmonious Mu|&s;ick.
<HI>Nineteen Mu&s;es</HI> can't furni&s;h
a man with words &s;ufficient to
de&s;cribe it.</P>
<P>Thus is the whole day &s;pent,
the fine King &s;uppo&s;ing all his own
&s;till: Well, Night comes up with
&s;upper; and up comes Supper with
more Rarities, and Richer Atten|dants
then waited at Dinner; and
for Conclu&s;ion of the Fea&s;t, the
Royal King has tother Draught
given him of the Holy Potion,
which pre&s;ently locks up his &s;en|ces
fa&s;t enough; and then my poor
twelve-hours King is &s;tript of his
<HI>Ti&s;&s;ues</HI> and <HI>Rubies,</HI> and reinve&s;ted
with his own Garments; carryed
out at a Po&s;tern Gate, and laid in
the High-way for pa&s;&s;engers to gaze
on; who when he awakes, falls in|to
as great amazement as before,
and calling to mind how glorious
<PB N="162" REF="90">
a &s;tate he was enthroned in ye&s;ter|day;
and now finding him&s;elf ut|terly
deprived of all; cur&s;es his
own misfortune; not attributing
the lea&s;t deficiency or unwillingne&s;s
to the <HI>Infallable Godde&s;s.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>Of Fooliana the Devout.</HEAD>
<P>UPon the We&s;tern part of the
two <HI>Foolianas,</HI> the <HI>Fat,</HI> and
the <HI>Fond,</HI> lyeth <HI>Fooliana</HI> the <HI>Devout;</HI>
a Region fertile enough in it &s;elf,
but through the Inhabitants negli|gence,
altogether uncultured.</P>
<P>The Inhabitants are of Opini|on,
that a man cannot do God bet|ter
&s;ervice, than in the utter neglect
of him&s;elf.</P>
<P>There are &s;everal pretty Ham|lets
in this Province; as <HI>Fragment,</HI>
Sirnamed the <HI>Mouldy, Wonderfield;</HI>
and a little way from them, lieth
<HI>Creep-ham-high-Cro&s;s,</HI> and <HI>Cringing-Beck.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="163" REF="90">
The Borders of this Nation are
but de&s;arts; and &s;ome of the Vil|lages
have but few Inhabitants,
as <HI>Lent-Stow, Pilgrims-Inn,</HI> and
<HI>Scourge-Nock,</HI> are left almo&s;t de&s;o|late,
only once a year they are vi|&s;ited
by &s;ome few <HI>Venetians.</HI></P>
<P>The number of <HI>Mona&s;tries</HI> in this
Country, exceeds the Number of
their Towns; there is not one Free-holder
Inhabiting in all the&s;e parts,
for the <HI>Cloy&s;ters</HI> have Monopoliz|ed
all the Land every Straws
bredth, to make the better Cheer
for their <HI>gods.</HI></P>
<P>Four &s;orts of Building is ob&s;er|ved
in this Country, <HI>Temples, Mo|na&s;tries,
Ho&s;pitals,</HI> and <HI>Hovels.</HI></P>
<P>They are all of one Religion, but
they know not what it is; for they
profe&s;s Ignorance, and neglect en|quiry,
following Tradition.</P>
<P>In their pace, they make conti|nual
<HI>Cro&s;&s;es;</HI> one thigh Thwarting
the other at every &s;tep; &s;o like|wi&s;e,
they carry their Armes one
<PB N="164" REF="91">
<HI>Cro&s;s</HI> another: They have goodly
<HI>Temples,</HI> and yet they will down
on their Marrowbones in the open
Fields (if they &s;py but an Antick-face
upon a Stone, or an Old
Logg) ratling their Beads at lea&s;t
two and fifty times over.</P>
<P>There are more gods belong|ing
to this Country than men,
&s;ome of them augmenting the num|ber
of their Deities with Adorati|on
of Hor&s;es, Hoggs and Hounds;
every day giving life to a new De|ity.
There has been two hundred
made in one Temple upon one
day.</P>
<P>The&s;e <HI>Foolianders</HI> never touch
any thing, be it Water, Oyl, Salt,
Wax, or Iron, before the Divel
is driven out of every corner of
it.</P>
<P>In this Province, is the rare&s;t
Miracle that ever Nature &s;aw, or
man heard of. In the Hamlet of
<HI>Wonder-field,</HI> there is not a Stone
but can hear, &s;ee, weep, laugh,
<PB N="165" REF="91">
move, cure Di&s;ea&s;es, &s;weat Blood,
and do more than ever was done
by the <HI>Semones,</HI> the <HI>Daemons,</HI> or all
the Black-Guard what&s;oever.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>The State
Publick of Fooliana the Devout.</HEAD>
<P>THeir principal Governer, is a Com|pound
of <HI>Emperor</HI> and <HI>Prie&s;t,</HI>
or half <HI>Prince,</HI> and half Bi&s;hop;
<HI>parte per pale,</HI> wearing a <HI>Crown</HI>
upon a <HI>Miter:</HI> Or, a <HI>Miter</HI> in a
<HI>Crown.</HI></P>
<P>There is alwaies born before him,
a <HI>Key</HI> and a <HI>Sword,</HI> the emblems of
of riches and Power. His <HI>Key</HI> &s;ig|nifieth,
that all the <HI>Foolianders</HI> Ca|binets
are at his Command; his
<HI>Sword</HI> denotes, that he may at his
own plea&s;ure take from others, and
defend his own.</P>
<P><PB N="166" REF="92">
All that comes into his pre|&s;ence,
mu&s;t ki&s;s his <HI>Toe.</HI> He is not
born, but cho&s;en, to this Digni|ty;
yet not before he be very Old,
le&s;t the People &s;hould be weary of
him, before he be weary of his
Life.</P>
<P>He &s;eldom Rides but upon Mens
Shoulders, to &s;hew that men in re|&s;pect
of him, are but as Bea&s;ts in
re&s;pect of Men.</P>
<P>He never demands a penny Tri|bute
of any Subject, but what they
give willingly; he receives thank|fully,
and &s;pends freely.</P>
<P>He makes no Laws, nor keeps
any; nor i&s;&s;ues any Decree, but
once within two Years it is out of
u&s;e.</P>
<P>He u&s;eth his Servants with much
Familiarity; and when he plea&s;es,
lifts them up above the greate&s;t Men
in his Court.</P>
<P>I might have learned much
more in this Court worthy of
<PB N="167" REF="92">
Ob&s;ervation; but to tell you the
Truth, I was weary on't, and did
not care to tarry any longer then
needs mu&s;t.</P>
</DIV2>
</DIV1>
<DIV1 N="4" TYPE="part">
<PB REF="93">
<PB N="169" REF="93">
<HEAD>THE
Fourth Part.</HEAD>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>The De&s;cription of Theevingenia.</HEAD>
<HEAD TYPE="sub">Its Scituation.</HEAD>
<P><HI>THeevingenia</HI> is bounded
on the We&s;t with the
<HI>Streights</HI> of <HI>Magellanus,</HI>
and on the Ea&s;t with
<HI>Fooliana</HI> the <HI>Devout,</HI> and part of
<HI>Belly-All-Main.</HI> It is a Soyl &s;o ut|terly
void of fertillity, that not a
<HI>Shepheard</HI> nor Husbandman can be
<PB N="170" REF="94">
found in all the borders; yet is it
not &s;trange that this barren Coun|try
&s;hould &s;o abound in all ne|ce&s;&s;aries;
nay, and Superfluities al|&s;o?
There is no rarity, or excel|lent
thing of valuable worth in the
World, but they will have it by
hook, or by Crook; and when they
have got it, you may as &s;oon get
a fart from a Dead man, as reco|ver
it again from their Clutches.</P>
<P>The Ea&s;ternmo&s;t part is inriched
by the <HI>Spoyles of the two</HI> Foolianas;
<HI>the</HI> Fat, <HI>and the</HI> Devout. The
We&s;tern by the <HI>Spaniards Cacap|lates.</HI>
The&s;e are the mo&s;t Nota|ble
Pyrates of the Globe.</P>
<P>The whole Country is divided
into two Seigniories, <HI>Robbers-Waldt,</HI>
and <HI>Liegerdemain.</HI> The fir&s;t of
which butts upon <HI>Fooliana,</HI> and an
Angle of <HI>Belly-All-Main:</HI> The lat|ter
lieth more We&s;t.</P>
<P>Contrary to the other <HI>Thievin|genians.</HI>
The wandring <HI>Robbers-Walders</HI>
keep them&s;elves in their
<PB N="171" REF="94">
own Bounds; but all of them are
for the mo&s;t part Barbarous and
Inho&s;pitable.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<HEAD>The Conditions
Of the Robbers-Walders.</HEAD>
<P><HI>RObbers-Waldt</HI> is divided from the
two <HI>Foolianas</HI> by the <HI>Fenns,</HI>
u&s;ually called the <HI>Filching-Fenns;</HI>
wherein there are Many I&s;lands
made by the turnings of the Wa|ter;
The whole Region is &s;o
Woody and Mountainous, that it
&s;eems rather a De&s;art than a place
Inhabited; and appears a place fit|ter
for Rebellion, then Habitati|on.</P>
<P>Their Language is very crabbed,
and though I did not care to un|der&s;tand
it; I ob&s;erv'd in it a
<HI>Mixture of Wel&s;h;</HI> which &s;eems to
have been taught them by &s;ome
Antient Travellers of our We&s;tern
<HI>Brittains.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="172" REF="95">
This Seigniority is Indifferenly
well peopled, but under no Govern|ment;
each man holds him&s;elf
born only for him&s;elf, and liveth
obeying and re&s;pecting him&s;elf on|ly;
what he gets from another is
forthwith his own, as good and
Lawful prize.</P>
<P>In Bodily &s;hape they are like us,
only all the Inlanders have <HI>Claws</HI>
upon their Hands in&s;tead of <HI>Nails;</HI>
and this is not only Natural to all
the <HI>Robbers-Walders,</HI> but to the <HI>Lie|gerdemaini&s;ts</HI>
al&s;o.</P>
<P>Upon the Mountaines of this
Soyl breedeth a kind of People
called the <HI>Bandity;</HI> who u&s;ually
beggs of Pa&s;&s;engers, with a <HI>Fezee</HI>
upon their Shoulders: they are
the Keepers of <HI>Booty Forre&s;t,</HI> a frith
&s;o called; which is of that breadth,
that the high <HI>Dutch Hercinian</HI> ad|ding
to it <HI>Englands Sherwood:</HI> They
are both but a dayes Journey for
an <HI>Iri&s;h Lou&s;e,</HI> (Let her march ne|ver
&s;o fa&s;t) if compar'd to this.</P>
<P><PB N="173" REF="95">
Ile ju&s;tifie, and be as good as my
word; that if <HI>Hercinia</HI> kept ten
thou&s;and Thieves, (as 'tis &s;uppo&s;ed
it did, <HI>Booty Forre&s;t</HI> maintains a
hundred thou&s;and <HI>Hercinia!</HI> Why
'tis a Blanket for a Cat, a meer
Cock-pit; nay, 'tis no bigger then
a Tobacco-Box, in compari&s;on of
<HI>Booty-Forre&s;t.</HI></P>
<P>You &s;hall not find any man of
State but keeps a Fort or Garri&s;on:
And in the&s;e Fortre&s;&s;es they keep
all they purchace; and thats no
&s;mall prize. They are no Shittle-cocks;
what they have they
hold.</P>
<P>When they march out upon their
Expeditions; The poor Commonalty
are &s;ure to untru&s;s their Portmantles
under the Branches, and lay their
Noddles clo&s;e to the Root of &s;ome
Antient Oak, <HI>(Sic fuit ab Initio)</HI>
quoth the Gentleman to the Chand|lers
Son; So did your Fathers, and
&s;o mu&s;t you, be you never &s;o top|gallant.
<PB N="174" REF="96">
Some of the&s;e <HI>Villiacoes</HI> lye in
wait to make prize of poor Pa&s;&s;en|gers;
and when they catch them,
they unca&s;e them to the Skin, not
leaving them &s;o much as a tatter,
to &s;erve for a Curtain to the Worlds
propagater.</P>
<P>The <HI>Liegerdemaini&s;ts</HI> of late made
a Decree, that no Younger Bro|thers
&s;hall have any &s;hare in the
Fathers Land; and this Law hath
added a great multitude of Volun|tiers
to the <HI>Robbers Walders.</HI></P>
<P>The <HI>Devout Foolianders</HI> you
know are great Lovers of Cro&s;&s;e&s;s.
Well, but they cannot love them
&s;o much as the&s;e hate them; there|fore
if any of them hap to be ta|ken
in <HI>Robbers-Waldt,</HI> farewel <HI>Fooli|ander,</HI>
up they go as round as a
<HI>Juglers Box;</HI> and the chief rea&s;on
is, becau&s;e the&s;e Devout <HI>Foolianders</HI>
do u&s;e to mock the <HI>Robbers-Walders,</HI>
by making <HI>Gibbets</HI> at them with
their Fingers.</P>
<P><PB N="175" REF="96">
There is continual Di&s;&s;ention
and Civil Wars among them&s;elves,
about injurious Booties forced from
one another, or about dividing the
Spoyles. And take my word Sir,
the whole World fares the better
for't; for &s;hould they lay their
heads together again&s;t our world,
we might e'n put up our Pipes,
and ca&s;t our Caps at the Moon,
for any E&s;tates we &s;hould hold
long.</P>
<P>It is a great Commendation,
and &s;ign of towardne&s;s in their
Children, to be expert at Filching
in their Early Years, which they
are taught to practice from their
Infancyes; you &s;hall have the lit|tle
<HI>Theevelings</HI> while they &s;uck at
their Mothers Brea&s;t, to pick pinns
out of their Heads, and Pence out
of their Pur&s;es: But if they be
taken in being either too &s;low-handed,
or to boy&s;terous, up goes
their Bumms without Baile. And
<PB N="176" REF="97">
as they grow in Years, they mu&s;t
Augment their practice, by &s;teal|ing
<HI>Ducks, Gee&s;e,</HI> and &s;o advance|ing
to Cattle: If Trading be dead,
and nothing of worth to be had,
then they mu&s;t keep their hands
in practice, by &s;tealing a Clod
from their Neighbours Ground, or
a &s;take from his Hedg. This is
u&s;uall among the Borderers of <HI>Lie|gerdemain;</HI>
between which, and
<HI>Robbers-Waldt</HI> lyeth a large Heath
called <HI>Lyers-bury-Plain,</HI> of which
we will Di&s;cour&s;e when we have
pa&s;&s;ed the Marine parts of <HI>Robbers-Waldt.</HI></P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="177" REF="97">
<HEAD>The
Pyrates and Sea Borderors
of Robbers-Waldt.</HEAD>
<P>THe&s;e Pyrates di&s;per&s;e them|&s;elves
all along the Shores of
<HI>Magellanus's Streat,</HI> on the Banks
<HI>Theevingenia,</HI> and among the I&s;les of
the <HI>Filching Fenns.</HI></P>
<P><HI>Europe</HI> affords not any Sea-man
that knows his Bays, Creeks, Tides,
Shelfs, Rocks and Channels better
then the&s;e men do in general; be|&s;ides,
they naturally Swim as the
Fi&s;hes them&s;elves.</P>
<P>Their chief Haven is <HI>Jeer-All,</HI> a
Town of no great &s;trength and
compa&s;s, but of as hardy Pyrates as
the World affords; it is Scituate in
that Angle of <HI>Robbers-Waldt,</HI> that
lyeth ju&s;t upon the head of the
<HI>Filching-Fenns,</HI> over again&s;t a part
of <HI>Belly-All-Main.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="178" REF="98">
The Shores hereabout are repor|ted
to be edged with Rocks of
Load&s;tones, which draws the Ships
upon the Coa&s;ts from an incredi|ble
di&s;tance.</P>
<P>A little within the River <HI>Filch|ing</HI>
there is another Town called
<HI>Ly&s;al,</HI> which takes Tribute of all
Ve&s;&s;els that pa&s;s that way.</P>
<P>The Inhabitants lay out great
Hooks baited with Load-&s;tones,
wherewith they Angle for Ships as
do for Trouts; and where it once
&s;eizeth, it keepeth its hold fa&s;t.
The&s;e are al&s;o good Swimmers, be|ing
as expert and perfect in the
Art as the <HI>Dolphins,</HI> and like <HI>Cro|codiles,</HI>
or <HI>Engli&s;h Otters,</HI> live as
much in the Water as on the Land;
of the&s;e do our <HI>European</HI> Naviga|tors
&s;tand in great fear.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="179" REF="98">
<HEAD>Of Lyers-Bury-Plain, and of the
City of Pick-Pocket-Angul;
with the Nature of the Lieger|demanians.</HEAD>
<P>NOw I return to <HI>Lyers-Bury-Plain,</HI>
which lyeth upon the
verges of <HI>Robbers-Waldt</HI> and <HI>Lieger|demain;</HI>
And &s;erves for <HI>a free Com|mon</HI>
to them both; there is a River
Runs through the mid&s;t of it cal|led
<HI>Memento,</HI> which divides the
whole plain into two parts; and on
this River are divers of the <HI>Lieger|demanian</HI>
Towns and Garri&s;ons &s;ea|ted.</P>
<P>Ever &s;ince <HI>Spain</HI> obtained the
Conque&s;t of the&s;e <HI>Indians,</HI> that bor|der
upon this Continent, the <HI>Lie|gerdemanians</HI>
have tollerated the <HI>Je|&s;uits,</HI>
(tho&s;e bu&s;ie-bodies that will
needs &s;cald their Chops in the
<PB N="180" REF="99">
whole Worlds Porridg) to pay their
vi&s;its here; and al&s;o to Inhabit this
Land; which the Irruptions of the
<HI>Robbers-Walders</HI> had otherwi&s;e De|populated.</P>
<P>Here are many <HI>A&s;trology-Schools,</HI>
who&s;e profe&s;&s;ors are more in fa|vour
with the <HI>Leigerdemanians,</HI> than
any other Arti&s;ts what&s;oever, ex|cept
<HI>Poets</HI> and <HI>Lawyers.</HI></P>
<P>Here in a little Town called
<HI>Prediction,</HI> I &s;et up School my &s;elf,
and read the Lecture of &s;pying
wonders in the Heavens urinal, as
Methodically as any <HI>Star-gazer</HI> of
them all: I had my <HI>Ptolomy, Tycho,
Guido Bonatus,</HI> my <HI>Bencorat,</HI> my
<HI>Zabel,</HI> my <HI>Me&s;&s;ahalach,</HI> my <HI>Abbo|hali,</HI>
and my <HI>Hali Aben Razehel</HI> all
at my beck; and by their Pre|&s;criptions
I wrote an infallible
Progno&s;tication of the&s;e pre&s;ent
Times.</P>
<P>The&s;e <HI>Liegerdemanians</HI> are far
more Sociable, or at lea&s;t more
<PB N="181" REF="99">
circum&s;pect and &s;ecret in their in|triegues
than the <HI>Robbers-Walders;</HI>
for what the&s;e do in publick, the
<HI>Legerdemanians</HI> act privately, liv|ing
under a Law and a Prince
al&s;o, who&s;e Title is <HI>Triberio-De-Golden-Gripo;</HI>
he keeps his State in
a Delicate City called <HI>Free-purloyn,</HI>
Scituate in the very heart of <HI>Lyers-Bury-Plain.</HI></P>
<P>They never budge abroad in the
day time, but keep within-doors,
and contrive, what they bring to
Action in the Night: They hate
the <HI>Sun,</HI> and love the <HI>Moon</HI> with
like extreams of Affection.</P>
<P>The Trees of this Soyl are Na|turally
qualified like the Inhabi|tants:
No Bird can light upon them,
but is pre&s;ently taken as with Lime-\twigs.</P>
<P>The Chief Town of traffick in
the&s;e parts is <HI>Pick-Pocket-Angle,</HI>
wherein are two Streets, <HI>Tongue-Street,</HI>
and <HI>Pawns-Brook,</HI> which in
<PB N="182" REF="100">
my judgment, exceeds all the Streets
of any one City in the World, for
length and &s;tateline&s;s of Buildings.
<HI>Tongue-Street</HI> is the general Rendez|vouz
of all the <HI>Lawyers;</HI> and <HI>Pawns-Brook</HI>
of the <HI>Brokers, V&s;urers, Taylors</HI>
and <HI>Scriveners.</HI></P>
<P>'Tis mo&s;t certain, that no Nation
under the <HI>Moon</HI> is &s;tored with <HI>Law|yers</HI>
as this is, who if they want
means of Contention, play the
Seedsmen them&s;elves; &s;owing the
Seeds of Animo&s;ity and Di&s;cord
among their peaceable Neigh|bours.</P>
<P>Our <HI>We&s;tmin&s;ter,</HI> adding all the
<HI>Inns</HI> of <HI>Court</HI> and <HI>Chancery</HI> to it,
makes but a meer St. <HI>Katherins-Hall,</HI>
in compari&s;on of the <HI>Inner-Temple</HI>
of this Town.</P>
<P>Their Numbers do daily encrea&s;e;
yet notwith&s;tanding, it is the Opi|nion
of the wi&s;e&s;t Polititians of this
Land; that they cannot continue
long; for when they have eat up
<PB N="183" REF="100">
the whole Country, as they have
almo&s;t done already; they mu&s;t
needs decline for want of Clyents,
unle&s;s by the want of bu&s;ine&s;s to im|ploy
them&s;elves, they &s;hould fall
out, and go to Law one with ano|ther;
and by that means di&s;per&s;e
abroad what they have Ravenou&s;|ly
claw'd together, among the Co|monalty
again; and indeed, by this
means, they may leave to their
po&s;terities, a pro&s;pect of more bu|&s;ine&s;s,
and better imployment, in &s;uc|ceeding
Times.</P>
<P>The&s;e <HI>Lawyers Footmen</HI> are cloath|ed
in party-Coloured Liveries, <HI>Like
the Knave of Clubs,</HI> to &s;ignify that
their Ma&s;ters are ready to take Fees
on either &s;ide.</P>
<P>The U&s;urers afford them a con|&s;iderable
part of their imployment;
but principally the violent Current
of the River <HI>Fraud;</HI> which running
among the <HI>Quirkney I&s;les,</HI> eateth
away one piece of Land here, and
<PB N="184" REF="101">
ca&s;teth it up there; and afterwards
wa&s;heth it away from thence, and
layes it in a third place; changing
its cour&s;e now and then, and tak|ing
away one mans whole E&s;tate,
gives it to another: And this is that
which makes work for the <HI>Law|yers.</HI></P>
<P>Nature has wrought a very
&s;trange work upon the Inhabitants
of this Town; their Skins do na|turally
attract Gold and Silver,
with as powerful a &s;trength as the
Load&s;tone draweth Steel, and holds
it as fa&s;t: If a piece of Gold touch
but their hands, it &s;ticks &s;o clo&s;e,
that it is impo&s;&s;ible with all your
&s;trength or force to unloo&s;e it from
thence; a thing never &s;een el&s;e|where,
and therefore the worthyer
of Record.</P>
<P><HI>Pawns-Brook</HI> is peopled with all
&s;orts of Artificers; yet they open no
Shops, but every one attends the
Pa&s;&s;enger at his own Door, with a
<PB N="185" REF="101">
<HI>What lack you Gentlemen?</HI> And then
if he gets a Chapman, he leads
him in, and &s;hews him his Wares
in private; one &s;hall &s;hew you a
chain Cru&s;ted over with thin Plates
of Gold; and &s;wear, that <HI>India,</HI> nor
<HI>Arabia</HI> did never afford purer Met|tal.</P>
<P>Another Cheats you with a coun|terfeit
<HI>Musk Cod.</HI> A third with
<HI>Pearls</HI> &s;o dexterou&s;ly adulterated,
both for Weight, Fa&s;hion, Clear|ne&s;s,
Smoothne&s;s and Bigne&s;s; that
you cannot decern them from true
ones; and there will he &s;hew you
the Shells wherein they grew. Here
al&s;o you &s;hall have your Lapida|ries,
with Gems of all &s;orts, able
to delude the mo&s;t decerning Eye
in the World: The <HI>Cyprian Dia|mond,</HI>
the <HI>Sicilian Agate,</HI> the <HI>Indi|an
Berrill,</HI> the <HI>Per&s;ian Eagle-Stone,</HI>
the <HI>Affrican Chalcedon,</HI> the <HI>Sythian
Smaradg,</HI> the <HI>German Corneil,</HI> the
<HI>Ethiopian Chry&s;olite,</HI> and the <HI>Lybian
<PB N="186" REF="102">
Garbuncle;</HI> here they are all, and
many more ready prepared by Art-Forgery.</P>
<P>Here are al&s;o <HI>Apothecaries</HI> in
great abundance; and the&s;e do no|thing
but Sophi&s;ticate Receipts with
their <HI>quid pro quo,</HI> which would fill
a Volume to make a di&s;covery of
their Deceits.</P>
<P>One thing I am both Amaz'd
and Grieved at, they are never ta|ken
in their Falcifications, be they
never &s;o Palpable; but they have
this Prevention, they can change
their Shapes, Voices, Trades, and
Habits in&s;tantly, and &s;o Cunning|ly,
that he goes about to wa&s;h a
<HI>Guiney-Negar</HI> white, that &s;eeks for
the man to day, that bubbled him
ye&s;terday.</P>
<P>There is a Famous School in
the Suburbs, where Art-<HI>Spagirick</HI>
is read to the Youth of this City;
and here they have a Book which
they e&s;teem as Holy as the <HI>Turks</HI>
<PB N="187" REF="102">
their <HI>Alcaron;</HI> it is called the Hi&s;|tory
of <HI>Mercury,</HI> wherein is rela|ted,
how he in his Infancy, &s;tole
<HI>Neptunes Trydent, Mars,</HI> his <HI>Sword,
Phoebus</HI> his <HI>Bow</HI> and <HI>Arrows, Vu|lcans-Tongs,</HI>
and <HI>Venus</HI>'s <HI>Girdle;</HI> and
how ingeniou&s;ly he cheated <HI>Jove</HI>
of his <HI>Thunder,</HI> being as then &s;o
young, that he mu&s;t of nece&s;&s;ity
learn the Theory of this Art in his
Mothers Belly: This Book con|teineth
al&s;o, all in&s;tructions partain|ing
to the &s;aid Science, whereby
the Student is thoroughly furni&s;hed
with all Expert and Methodical
Rules, how to Pick Locks, how to
draw Latches, how to Tread with|out
noi&s;e, how to Angle in a Lock'd
Che&s;t, with a twine Thred, how
to Nim the Cole and never touch
the Pur&s;e, and how to for&s;wear all
without Blu&s;hing; and a thou&s;and
&s;uch Secrets.</P>
<P>One of the&s;e Practitioners was
ingeniou&s;ly over-reached by a Mer|chant
<PB N="188" REF="103">
Trading to this City, (no
<HI>Foolianian</HI> I a&s;&s;ure you) from who&s;e
Pockets &s;ome Forty Royals had
di&s;imbarked them&s;elves at the pub|lick
Exchange of this <HI>City:</HI> Well,
our Merchant re&s;olves to Fi&s;h for
the Angler and to put his re&s;olu|tion
in practice, caus'd his Pockets
to be lin'd with Fi&s;h-hooks, fa&s;tned
with the points downwards, and
coming upon <HI>Change</HI> next day,
would often clap his hands on his
Pockets; this Bait was a &s;ign of
care in him, and of purcha&s;e to
the bu&s;ie Eyes of the watchful
diver, who ob&s;erving when he was
more bu&s;ie and le&s;s careful, &s;lides
his hand gently into the Trap,
which the Gentleman all this while
ob&s;erved, but took no &s;eeming no|tice,
till he found him &s;unk pretty
deep; when giving a &s;udden half
turn, my nimble Arti&s;t was as fa&s;t
moared, as a Ship with two An|chors
at head, who rather then
<PB N="189" REF="103">
view the face of Ju&s;tice, di&s;gorges
the Royals very willingly, and (<HI>Re|ceiving
two or three kicks on the Ar&s;s
very thankfully</HI>) &s;neaks off.</P>
<P>There are in this Town more
then a good many <HI>Inn-Keepers;</HI> the&s;e
are Knaves Rampant. A Traveller
dares not tru&s;t his Pur&s;e under his Pil|low,
nor in an Iron Trunk; but mu&s;t
as the <HI>Jews</HI> did when Be&s;ieged, &s;wal|low
their Gold all the night, and rake
for it in his Clo&s;e-&s;tool next Morn|ing,
or it would be gon every &s;cru|ple.</P>
<P>The Villages are only inhabited
by <HI>Millers, Taylors</HI> and <HI>Ho&s;tlers;</HI> or
according to the Antient Ortho|graphy
<HI>Oat&s;tealers,</HI> unle&s;s by chance
you may meet with here and there
a few &s;traggling Gyp&s;ies.</P>
</DIV2>
<DIV2 TYPE="subpart">
<PB N="190" REF="104">
<HEAD>Of the
Province of Still-More: Or,
Nunquam. Satis.</HEAD>
<P>NOt far from <HI>Pick-Pocket-Angul,</HI>
lyeth the Province of <HI>Still-More,</HI>
Antiently called <HI>Nunquam
Satis.</HI></P>
<P>It is in the Hands of a Mon&s;trous
&s;ort of Humane Creatures, &s;uch as
you &s;ee depicted in the Emblems of
<HI>Mondevill,</HI> with Heads like Hoggs.</P>
<P>They go alwayes on their hands
and Knees, le&s;t they &s;hould mi&s;s a|ny
thing as they pa&s;s along the
Streets, as is worth the taking up;
their Voice is a kind of a grunt|ing.</P>
<P>None are allowed to dwell a|mong&s;t
them but Old Folks, their
Youth if they be Valiant, they &s;end
into <HI>Booty-Forre&s;t,</HI> or el&s;e to the
Schools of <HI>Pick-Pocket-Angul.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="191" REF="104">
They do eat earth as the Woolf
does when he is to fight; and &s;ome
of them eat nothing at all, but live
upon the &s;ight of Gold and Silver,
and never &s;leep but with their eyes
open.</P>
<P>They &s;erve a God, whom they
call <HI>Full-Che&s;t,</HI> with all Super&s;ti|ous
Reverence; and they never go
to their Re&s;ts till they have &s;een
him, nor do they eat but in his
pre&s;ence.</P>
<P>In the heart of this Province is
a va&s;t and bottomle&s;s <HI>Lake,</HI> called
the <HI>Gulph</HI> of <HI>V&s;ury;</HI> into which di|vers
plea&s;ant and famous Rivers,
pay the la&s;t offerings of their <HI>Sil|ver
Streams;</HI> though no <HI>Currant</HI>
can po&s;&s;ibly be ob&s;erv'd to take its
head from this <HI>Lake;</HI> It being &s;up|pos'd
to have &s;ome &s;ubterranean
pa&s;&s;age, which they imagine breaks
out at the foot of <HI>Executor Hill,</HI> in
the <HI>Marquizate</HI> of <HI>Spendaleza.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="192" REF="105">
On the Banks of this dead Sea,
are &s;eated &s;everal Con&s;iderable Ci|ties,
whereof <HI>Extortington</HI> is the
mo&s;t formidable for a Garri&s;on; it
is under the Government of the
<HI>Lord Covetuous Rack-rent.</HI></P>
<P>The Citizens are unwilling to
attempt any thing that is hazard|ous;
yet when once they are In|gaged,
will &s;tuddy a thou&s;and In|triegues
and Stratagems to pre&s;erve
their intere&s;ts.</P>
<P>This City was lately invaded,
by the Valiant <HI>Mendico,</HI> Son to
<HI>Tatterdemallion</HI> Duke of <HI>Ragland.</HI>
The Rea&s;on of which Inva&s;ion was
(as I am inform'd) That whereas
the Inhabitants of this Province,
were Obliged by certain Articles,
to defend and protect the Tatter'd
Offspring of the Duke of <HI>Rag|land:</HI>
They have of late, not only
withdrawn their a&s;&s;i&s;ting <HI>Auxilia|ries,</HI>
but likewi&s;e committed many
Outrages upon his Subjects, having
<PB N="193" REF="105">
lately Murdered one of his Antient
and Dear <HI>Allies,</HI> called <HI>Ho&s;pitality,</HI>
and &s;orely brui&s;ed another, called
<HI>Charity,</HI> which Cruelty was com|mitted
by Sir <HI>Lavi&s;h Lackwit,</HI> Son-in-Law
to the Lord <HI>Covetous Rack|rent,</HI>
by driving a <HI>Coach</HI> full of
<HI>Ladies</HI> (with <HI>Six Hor&s;es)</HI> over
them.</P>
<P>The afore&s;aid <HI>Mendico,</HI> with a
mighty Army of <HI>Raglanders,</HI> ha|ving
a Confedracy with, and A&s;&s;i&s;|tants
of, two other Valiant Com|manders,
drew up his forces again&s;t
this City, and be&s;ieged it: The&s;e
A&s;&s;i&s;tants were Senior <HI>Gulletto,</HI> Mar|que&s;s
of <HI>Bow&s;ington,</HI> with his Regi|ment
of <HI>Journeymen-Shoomakers;</HI> and
<HI>Count-Coucumber,</HI> with two Regi|ments,
con&s;i&s;ting of about 20000
<HI>Journeymen-Taylors,</HI> all Cloath'd, not
as <HI>Adam</HI> with <HI>Figg-leaves,</HI> but what
is more &s;erviceable, <HI>Cabbage;</HI> there
came al&s;o as Voluntiers, a Troop of
Old <HI>Serving-men,</HI> and another of
<HI>Younger-Brothers.</HI></P>
<P><PB N="180" REF="106">
During this Siege, many Sallies,
and Skirmi&s;hes happened, the Be|&s;iegers
for the mo&s;t part being the
greate&s;t Lo&s;ers, e&s;pecially at that
Re&s;olute and Fatal Sally of Captain
<HI>Tallymando,</HI> who with a Party of
Foot, Con&s;i&s;ting of <HI>Mar&s;hals-men,</HI>
made great havock among&s;t them;
&s;o that what with the hard&s;hips
of a long Siege, and being infeebled
with dayly Lo&s;&s;es, they were com|pell'd
to quit their Stations, and
leave the Citizens to their Antient
Liberties, whil&s;t the Recruitle&s;s
<HI>Raglanders</HI> with their Weather-bea|ten
Troops, drew off to their Win|ter
Quarters: and 'tis thought Po|verty
will hence-forward keep them
in Peace.</P>
<P>Touching the other Cities of this
Province, there is <HI>Swine-burrow,</HI> a
filthy &s;tinking Town; then there
is <HI>Gatherington, Hoard&s;terdam,</HI> and
<HI>Lock-ad-a-lid,</HI> all hand&s;ome Built
things; but truly I could not
come to View them <GAP DESC="illegible" RESP="OXF" EXTENT="1 word">
<PB N="177" REF="106">
becau&s;e every particular Citizen
of all the&s;e places, hath a private
Key to the Gates, to Lock at their
going out, and their coming in;
&s;o that by this meanes they pre|vent
the Acce&s;s of all Strangers:
Therefore expect no farther Ac|count
of them, nor of any others,
till farther di&s;coveries are made,
by a &s;econd <HI>Travel.</HI></P>
<TRAILER>FINIS.</TRAILER>
</DIV2>
</DIV1>
</BODY>
</TEXT>
</EEBO>
</ETS>
