MIMI PINSON

A Vaudeville in One Act By Bayard and Dumanoir (1845)

Etext by Dagny
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                     Translated and adapted by

                     Frank J. Morlock
                     C 2003

++++++++++++++++++++++++

CHARACTERS

MIMI PINSON, working girl

PAUL, her neighbor

SERAPHIN, also her neighbor

ESTRAGON, porter

++++++++++++++++++++++++

The stage represents Mimi's room on the 5th floor. An entrance door at the back, slightly to the left, opening on the landing; to the right, nearer the audience a door blocked off, beside which is placed a chest of drawers; to the left a chimney. A window closer to the audience by which is a cage containing two canaries; an alcove at the back; to the right of the door a small table on which is a doll's head; to the left another table slightly bigger.

AT RISE, Mimi comes out of the alcove, finishing dressing, and runs to the window which she opens.

MIMI: Ah! My God! —the sun is already on the neighboring chimney! My cheap clock is striking six o'clock and I am not yet at work! Quick! quick! (she sits at the table at the right and takes a bonnet to which she adds flowers) (singing)
     How not to
     Set to work
     Gaily in the morning!
     When a song gives us courage
     And work is an amusement!
     This little bonnet,
     New and chic,
     Is going to the carnival
     Dancing
     Since pleasure awaits her.
     I must make her while singing.
     How not to, etc.

SERAPHIN: (half opening the door at the back) There she is! —Let's slip in. (he enters, and gently shuts the door; he holds a bouquet and carries papers under his arm) Mamzelle Mimi! (aside) She doesn't see me! This happens to her every time she turns her back to me. (placing his hand on his heart, and blowing her extravagant kisses) My! my! my!

MIMI: Huh? (turning) Ah! It's you, my neighbor. What is it you are doing like that? (she copies his gestures)

SERAPHIN: Me? I —I was practicing gestures of hypnosis.

MIMI: Really! —they resembled gestures of telegraphy.

SERAPHIN: There is some resemblance. (presenting his bouquet) My neighbor.

MIMI: (coyly) For goodness sake! A bouquet, for me —Mimi Pinson, couturier!

SERAPHIN: Doggone! it seems like they go together!

MIMI: Say, do you take me for a great lady or a dancer, eh? A pot of flowers, I don't say, but a bouquet! (taking it) Thanks, indeed, neighbor.

SERAPHIN: Right! This is a gallantry practiced in the highest society. (tittering) And as we both lodge on the fifth floor —

MIMI: That's our floor —Ah! the pretty rose! Neighbor, it would be really sweet of you, if —

SERAPHIN: If what? if what?

MIMI: If you would put some water in my beautiful cup —Over there —on the chimney.

SERAPHIN: (eagerly) Right away, Mamzelle Mimi —For you nothing is too costly for me —! —nothing!

MIMI: Oh! That won't ruin you —Bring it over here —to my work table —in front of me. (She puts the bouquet in the glass) There —that way I won't be alone. (she places the vase on the table in front of her)

SERAPHIN: What! not alone? And me! and me! am I not worth a rose?

MIMI: Oh, you —Mr. Seraphin —here it is a month that you've been installed in the room opposite —that we've been neighbors on the landing, door to door, nose to nose —and still, all I know is your name —which is very beautiful.

SERAPHIN: (modestly) It is worthy —Seraphin —there's something heavenly in it.

MIMI: Especially under the eaves —But information stops there —and one wants to know who one is receiving —What is your situation, then?

SERAPHIN: Yes, wait! (aloud) Mademoiselle Mimi!

MIMI: Mr. Seraphin!

SERAPHIN: Haven't you told me often that you have a very particular horror of bailiffs?

MIMI: O God, process servers! —and the proprietors! I abominate them! Only, the proprietors, I abominate them only every three months, around the eighth —while the process servers, it's all year long.

SERAPHIN: It's chronic.

MIMI: Not that I'm afraid of them —I've never been seized.

SERAPHIN: Too bad! (Mimi is startled) I mean —too bad for them! But why?

MIMI: It's an idea that I have.

SERAPHIN: Well, since you want to know my profession —I reveal it to you (assuming a grave tone) —that I am not a process server's clerk. (aside) What cunning!

MIMI: (rising) Heavens —that reply! I know quite well you are not a minister, either —But I want to know.

SERAPHIN: Well, I am going to tell you everything.

MIMI: (cleaning up the table on the right) Ah!

SERAPHIN: My situation —my profession —my social position —O, my Mimi! it's to love you like a madman! (aside) This is cowardice!

MIMI: To love me?

SERAPHIN: (aside) At the very least she's going to scratch my eyes out.

MIMI: (gaily) This great secret! —That's cannot be all?

SERAPHIN: Huh?

MIMI: From the moment you came to lodge on my floor —Everybody who's lived here for the last three years —haven't they loved me like madmen? one after the other? It's agreed, it's accepted in the house —absolutely like the sou to the pound and the log to the janitor —they wouldn't have rented to you without it.

SERAPHIN: (Uneasily) And you?

MIMI: (proudly) Oh! me! (changing tone) Ask news of me in the neighborhood.

SERAPHIN: (with passion) Well! yes, I believe you —I believe the neighborhood —Besides, do I have need to inform myself? Ah God! (aside) It's over already. (aloud) Yes, you are a virtuous couturier —an incomparable couturier —and I award you my heart as the prize of your virtue! I will speak —I will shout from the rooftops —

MIMI: (laughing) You are well situated for that.

SERAPHIN: I shall proclaim that no other man —(rapping is heard on the blocked door) What's that?

PAUL: (outside) Neighbor!

MIMI: What, neighbor?

PAUL: Hello.

MIMI: Hello.

SERAPHIN: (uncomfortable) Where's this anonymous Hello coming from?

PAUL: Can I come in, neighbor?

MIMI: Anytime, neighbor.

SERAPHIN: Another one.

MIMI: One quite new —by the month —Mr. Paul —Don't you know him?

SERAPHIN: Paul? wait! Why yes, I knew one —No, his name was Adrien.

MIMI: Ah! this one's named Paul only.

SERAPHIN: And he lives?

MIMI: In the room on the side.

SERAPHIN: Does he often tap on your partition?

MIMI: No, at the door.

SERAPHIN: Here?

MIMI: This one here —which is blocked off.

SERAPHIN: (suspiciously) Completely blocked?

MIMI: In perpetuity! If ever it opens, I permit you to think whatever you like.

SERAPHIN: Oh! I —(rapping at the door at the back) What is it now?

PAUL: My neighbor.

MIMI: Always the same —Come in, neighbor!

(Paul enters with some bread and cherries.)

PAUL: Ah, pardon, neighbor —you have company.

MIMI: No, no —Come in —This gentleman is not company.

SERAPHIN: What do you mean, I'm not? (aside) Ah! dammit! he's a good looking man, the other neighbor!

MIMI: (taking Paul by the hand) Pardon —as in society. (presenting him to Seraphin) Mr. Paul, commission merchant —on leave.

SERAPHIN: (bowing his head) Ah! I am deeply honored.

MIMI: Mr. Seraphin —not the clerk of a process server.

PAUL: Ah! (imitating Seraphin) I am truly honored. (gaily) My neighbor, I am coming to lunch with you. (he places his cherries on the chest of drawers)

SERAPHIN: (aside) For goodness sake —don't be shy!

MIMI: Heavens! it's just my hour —and that of my canaries —It must be yours, Mr. Seraphin.

PAUL: (laughing) Ah! ah! ah!

SERAPHIN: (stung) What is the object of your thought?

PAUL: My neighbor —would you like to share my cherries?

MIMI: (busy) No, no thanks —I am going to light the furnace to warm my milk.

SERAPHIN: (following her) What is the object of —

MIMI: You are boring me! Rather give me a slip of paper.

PAUL: (eagerly) Here, neighbor, here. (he tears a letter)

MIMI: Thanks, neighbor.

SERAPHIN: (looking at him scornfully) Vapid gallantry! he pays her homage on the back of a letter!

PAUL: (aside) I already said that I will never see her again.

MIMI: (rolling the paper as she lights it and reading it, indifferently) To Baron de —

PAUL: (running to get the paper back) Give me that, neighbor! I won't allow you to take the trouble. (he lights the paper, aside) Clumsy that I am!

MIMI: What's that signify? The Baron de?

PAUL: (negligently) I don't know —it's a paper that I got from there. (he points to those Seraphin has placed on the table)

SERAPHIN: There! ah! why —don't burn my dossiers, hey!

MIMI: Your —

SERAPHIN: I mean —the dossier of one of my friends who confided it to me. (strutting) A notary's clerk. (aside) Goose that I am!

MIMI: (to Paul who is lighting the fire) That's it —take my place, while I go down to get my small loaf of bread.

SERAPHIN: (offering his arm) Ah! neighbor, you will allow me —

MIMI: Not at all —you are going to have your job, too —you are going to give lunch to my canaries.

SERAPHIN: Huh?

MIMI: (going to get the cage which she delivers to Seraphin) And pay careful attention to it —one of them only drinks when you hold him —I raised him like that. (she puts the bird in his hand)

SERAPHIN: (aside) What a deplorable education! (aloud) Ah, indeed, but —

MIMI: Make him drink.

SERAPHIN: (twisting the cage) Which side? (they laugh) It's because they are very embarrassing, these animals.

MIMI: Pity yourself then. (pointing to Paul who is fixing the oven) The most embarrassed is the one who is tending to that —

PAUL: There!

SERAPHIN: You said it.

MIMI: And then with me, it's like this. (sings)
     It's Mimi the grisette.
     Poor little girl
     In her room
     She's got no maid
     Therefore the neighbors
     Have to share
     The housekeeping chores
     And all the little tasks. (to Seraphin) Get on with it, neighbor.

SERAPHIN: (sings) I'm irrigating the canary.

PAUL: (saucepan in hand) And as for me,
     I'm the cook of the lodging.

TOGETHER REFRAIN

MIMI: (putting on her shawl) It's Mimi the grisette, etc.

PAUL AND SERAPHIN: It's Mimi the Grisette, etc.

(Mimi leaves by the door at the back. Paul holds the saucepan over the fire. Seraphin gives water to the bird he's holding. They turn and look at each other and start laughing.)

BOTH: Ha! ha! ha! ha!

SERAPHIN: (aside) What a stupid manner he has!

PAUL: (aside) What a fancy figure this character is cutting!

SERAPHIN: (aside, observing him) He's a rival; he's got all the symptoms.

PAUL: (placing the remainder of the letter in the fire, aside) Cursed letter —it almost ruined everything!

SERAPHIN: Swallow, beast! open your beak! (aside) A future ministerial officer, in relations with such a bird!

PAUL: (laughing) It seems you don't listen very well down there.

SERAPHIN: Oh! If I gave him a tongue lashing! (aside) And with you! no, let's use diplomacy —let's burrow within —it's not difficult, we process servers —we burrow within —very expertly.

PAUL: (approaching, holding the milk and the saucepan) Ah! damn! my neighbor —For it seems we are all neighbors.

SERAPHIN: (likewise, holding the canary) It appears.

PAUL: You heard Miss Mimi —to do little chores for her, that's the way to please her.

SERAPHIN: And the gentleman hopes to charm her with the aid of this saucepan?

PAUL: Why not? just like you serving as sommelier to these little gentlemen.

SERAPHIN: What little —? (noticing he is holding the canary still) Ah! (to the canary) That's enough of that, you drunk! into your cell! (replaces the bird in its cage)

PAUL: And I. (placing the saucepan on the stove)

SERAPHIN: (aside looking at Paul) To the two of us now —the other canary! (aloud, with aplomb) Sir —I understand you —but I think I can affirm that Mimi doesn't love you.

PAUL: Bah —that's possible (aside) Bah! This imbecile —what's he know about it? (aloud) Then she loves —you?

SERAPHIN: Not more than anyone else. This opinion is the result of a series of observations —for although still young I've performed several studies on the heart of women. (sighing) Studies, that were very dearly paid for! —ah!

PAUL: There! there! there! —and you think that —?

SERAPHIN: I maintain that a woman in love doesn't say: “Hold my milk over the fire —give my canary water” and other familiarities more or less whimsical. No, sir, no! A woman who loves —is touched, embarrassed, before the object of her palpitations, she blushes —the woman who loves —she stammers —the woman who —

PAUL: Really?

SERAPHIN: But, as for me, speaking to you, sir, I have been witness to a phenomenon even more plain! I knew a young woman of enormous education —who composed extremely long poems. —Well, when she found herself in the presence of a blond gentleman she adored —she blurted out errors! oh! why huge errors like a doorkeeper —which made your teeth gnash.

PAUL: (gravely) What! it went that far!

SERAPHIN: That far! Eh! My god! it's like our sex.

PAUL: What! our sex!

SERAPHIN: Damn! I presume that you belong to mine. (singing)
     In such a case, man is timid
     Nerves agitated by love
     He trembles by his Juliet
     That he confronts with lowered eyes.
     As for me, I've experienced it —when in love
     What a funny face you make
     What a dumb look.

PAUL: (watching him) Do you always need to be in love for that?

SERAPHIN: No —that's fair —no.

PAUL: Why, then, neighbor, if it's neither you, nor I, who does she love then?

SERAPHIN: Mimi? why no —(stopping and aside) O, rakes of the regency, inspire me. (aloud) Why, everybody, sir!

PAUL: Everybody? (aside) Get out! That's what I was afraid of. (aloud) Are you really certain?

SERAPHIN: Everybody. —and nobody —you know the song. (singing)
     Long live the grisettes
     They are always “at home” —etc. That's it! (giving himself big blows on his chest) Nothing, there, sir —nothing beneath the laces of the corset! I speak morally! nothing! and as for me, me I thought to find here the model of a virtuous grisette! (with an air of resignation) I am going to take my leave and seek virtue in another section of the city. (aside) I have burrowed in!

PAUL: She has an air that's deceiving enough! Get out —it cannot be!

SERAPHIN: Ah! ah! ah! in that case ask Old Man Estragon, the doorkeeper, and Hortense his wife —they will tell you news about it! nice news. (aside) I am going to corrupt them! I will consecrate to it a capital of six sous! (he goes to take his hat)

PAUL: What! these good folks —

ESTRAGON: (entering excitedly and stopping at the back) This time there are two of them!

PAUL: (turning) Huh?

ESTRAGON: (aside) Ah! There's my man! —and he isn't forewarned!

PAUL: It's you, Papa Estragon? Everything going good?

ESTRAGON: Gentlemen, I am really yours —it's not going bad —Hortense either (to Paul who looks at him) Hortense, my spouse. Pardon, Miss Pinson has gone out? I was bringing her her puce slippers —whose restoration I undertook in my spare time —on the quarter.

SERAPHIN: (abruptly) You should have given them back to her when she went by the lodge.

ESTRAGON: Heavens! (aside) He is vexed, so much the better. (aloud) I didn't notice her.

SERAPHIN: Come off it! you looked her over very carefully —old Lynx!

ESTRAGON: (to Paul) What's he calling me?

PAUL: He's calling you a concierge in English.

ESTRAGON: Ah! fine —I don't know a word of English. Ya, mien herr —two actually.

SERAPHIN: Say rather, that you are prying in the apartments of the tenants —to see what's going on.

ESTRAGON: And if that were so —I have the right. (aside) Wait a bit! I am going to fix you! (aloud) When the proprietor gave me the place of Lynx. (Seraphin laughs) What? —I can really speak English like you, perhaps, (resuming) he told me to watch over the morals —the morals, that's what he directed me to do most —after the stairways.

PAUL: And you busy yourself with it?

ESTRAGON: I scour them every morning.

SERAPHIN: Morals?

ESTRAGON: (bewildered) The stairways too! —what is it then? After that, you understand, it's your youth, which is nice and which gives you health! that's all! (pointing to a box) Ah! no, that's not it, that's Mr. Chaumont's box. Here's the object. (he goes to place the slippers on the table at the left) It's youth, I say, which lives alone and prefers to live together —he, he, he! It's quite natural according to what my spouse says.

PAUL: Ah! Madame Estragon finds that —

ESTRAGON: Natural, yes —Then, as for me, I climb from time to time, in the day, to enlighten —like the lamp does the night, to make sure some man didn't slink into the little one's place.

PAUL: He slinks then?

(Seraphin coughs.)

ESTRAGON: He doesn't slink badly —You think, perhaps, that she lives only with her canaries? (Seraphin coughs) Ha! ha! ha! —it's not natural —as my wife says —(Seraphin coughs) Lord God! do you have whooping cough?

SERAPHIN: No, no. (aside) Well, why he's doing very well —and gratis!

PAUL: Ah! then, she isn't?

ESTRAGON: (laughing) No.

SERAPHIN: (making signs to him) Then, she is —

ESTRAGON: Yes, yes, yes.

SERAPHIN: (to Paul) That's plain! (he continues making signs)

PAUL: (with regret) What! my little neighbor —so frank —such a good kid.

ESTRAGON: Ah! hell! these little ones, they play with the gents —that's playing with fire. (to Seraphin who continues to make signs to him) Ah! God! Are you doing the Danse Macabre?

PAUL: (aside) Mimi —like the others!

ESTRAGON: That's playing with fire I tell you, and one fine day, it's Hortense who told me this, she's as philosophic as a hoot-owl —one fine day, when the pot starts to boil —(excitedly) Ah! Lord! the milk starts to escape!

PAUL: (running to the stove) Devil! This concerns me.

SERAPHIN: (low, shaking Estragon in his arms) Old scoundrel! —you saved me ten sous!

ESTRAGON: (baffled) What! ten sous? What are you talking about?

PAUL: Huh?

(They hear Mimi's voice.)

SERAPHIN: (low) Shut up, lynx or I'll murder you.

MIMI: (entering with bread) Heavens! you were here, Papa Estragon?

PAUL: (aside, looking at her) It's a shame!

MIMI: (screaming in the wings) Yes, sir, yes, he's in my place —I am going to send him to you.

ESTRAGON: Who's asking for me?

MIMI: It's the young man on the first floor who's calling for you, shouting, treating you like —

ESTRAGON: (excitedly) Like?

MIMI: Anyway —a word that places you lower than the shoemakers!

SERAPHIN: Well known!

ESTRAGON: (furious, striding about) Huh? that little Mr. Alfred.

PAUL: Alfred? (collecting himself) Ah; his name's Alfred.

ESTRAGON: Alfred Balissan —a little guy who is curled like a chicory, perfumed with eau de Cologne —who spreads infection when he passes by. (to Mimi) Here are your puce slippers that I am bringing you —it's seventy-five centimes.

PAUL: Mr. Alfred? a young man who engages in intrigues —from what they say?

ESTRAGON: In intrigues? Yes! yes! —and the proof is the other day a beautiful lady —(questioning himself) Must I say it? He gave me ten francs to keep my mouth shut —But, bah, I'm going —

MIMI: You are going to return him his money.

ESTRAGON: I am going to tell you everything. The other day a carriage stopped at our gate —and there was a little lady —blonde —

PAUL: (aside) It's really she.

ESTRAGON: Who prayed that Mr. Alfred come down.

SERAPHIN: He went down?

ESTRAGON: That's where you are mistaken, the little beggar, replied that he was at home —he didn't seem to understand.

MIMI: And this lady?

ESTRAGON: She left, just the way she came.

PAUL: (aside) Oh! yes!

ESTRAGON: But the next day, there she was again —on foot. This time, just when Mr. Alfred was coming in. I was hidden behind the door —and I heard, without wishing to.

SERAPHIN: Come off it!

ESTRAGON: No —sacred word —I heard the words of the little blonde. Alfred, return them to me! return them to me, Alfred!

MIMI: What was it?

ESTRAGON: I don't know.

PAUL: (aside) As for me, I know.

ESTRAGON: To which he replied, the little curly-head: Come up with me! come look for them!

SERAPHIN: And she went up?

PAUL: (aside) Oh! no!

ESTRAGON: On the contrary! She escaped again and the young man went in to his place all —

SERAPHIN: All frazzled.

ESTRAGON: Ah! I love that word —But five minutes later, a gentleman between the age of sixty and sixty-five —dappled grey, like me, was prowling around the house.

PAUL: (aside) Oh! now that's what I was afraid of!

SERAPHIN: It's the daddy!

MIMI: Or the husband!

ESTRAGON: And he comes every day, but the young lady never returns —although Mr. Alfred told me one night —with a mysterious air : She's going to return.

SERAPHIN: She will return.

MIMI: Oh! I hope not!

PAUL: (aside) And me, too!

ESTRAGON: Eh! don't stick your little hand in the fire. (singing)
     Between you and me, I'm afraid the beauty
     Might be at the end of her rope.

MIMI: Her husband?

ESTRAGON: (singing)
     Miss, I wouldn't want
     To have my head in his hat.
     His misfortune is going to be complete,
     And he cannot squirm out of it.
     Love is lying in wait to ruin her.

PAUL: (aside) And friendship to save her!

ESTRAGON: So much so that, this morning, the little curly head was radiant and, indeed, he directed me to give him warning if I were to see the lady getting out of her carriage —towards noon —

PAUL: (aside) Noon —good.

ESTRAGON: But you are making me forget what I came here to do —for your puce slippers.

SERAPHIN: (aside) Old gossip.

ESTRAGON: Say then, it's seventy-sive centimes —because it's you! For this, I limp up six flights, to give Mademoiselle Blanchette her walking papers.

MIMI: Ah, my God!

PAUL: What? that pretty grisette that I saw the other day, decorated like a duchess?

SERAPHIN: And that I met the next day in a very short skirt, with a curtain in place of cachemere. (aside) Also —(looking at his dossier)

MIMI: Poor girl!

ESTRAGON: Completely hard up. She owes us three terms, 175 francs —But the move won't cost her much; the furniture's in hock.

SERAPHIN: (aside) By Jove!

MIMI: She's been seized?

ESTRAGON: In full! So much the better, says my wife, the philosopher —these little tenants —it's all riff-raff!

MIMI: (carrying her table) Ah! indeed! thanks!

ESTRAGON: Not the women! not the women!

SERAPHIN: Ah! really! thanks!

ESTRAGON: Not the men! We are only waiting for papers from the process server, to give her her eviction notice.

SERAPHIN: (aside) Ah! my God! I was forgetting about it! Let's see to this quickly. (taking his hat, to Paul) Are you coming, neighbor?

PAUL: No, no —I'm staying.

ESTRAGON: As for me, I'm going up

SERAPHIN: As for me, I'm going down. (singing)
     Soon, I hope
     I'm going to work.
     Nobody will suspect
     I'm a process server's clerk.

ESTRAGON: (singing)
     Later, little mother.
     I've got an iron heart
     For the tenant
     Who stops paying.

PAUL: (singing)
     Alone, in my room, my dear,
     I'm going to be bored.
     I'll have nothing to do.
     I'm going to gossip.

MIMI: (singing)
     Seized by misery,
     He's got a heart of steel.
     He's an old Cerberus,
     This porter.

ESTRAGON: (returning) It's seventy-five centimes, mamzelle!

SERAPHIN: (aside) Let's go release the errand boy.

REFRAIN TOGETHER

(Estragon and Seraphin leave.)

PAUL: (aside) Poor Emma! —But noon! I've got time, (looking at Mimi out of the corner of his eye) and I'm not sorry about that.

MIMI: Poor Blanchette! —where will she go?

PAUL: You are interested in that girl, Miss Mimi?

MIMI: Why not? You say correctly, because she isn't very well behaved —that's possible. But you see, she has such a good heart! She gives everything she has —when she has something —The other week, again, she paid for ices for everyone on her landing.

PAUL: You were there?

MIMI: (lowering her eyes) No —I was ill

PAUL: Sick!

MIMI: (changing her tone) And to say that there are fine gentlemen who smoke two hundred franc cigars that poison the streets! when all that is necessary is 175 francs to get her out of it!

PAUL: Eh! who knows? perhaps you will find one of those gentlemen.

MIMI: Ah! Don't believe it! not on my landing, ever. (stamping her foot) God! how enraging it is to earn only thirty sous per day.

PAUL: (stupefied) Huh? —You only earn thirty sous per day, neighbor?

MIMI: Well! why —isn't that nice?

PAUL: Thirty sous! (aside) They're right! There's something extra!

MIMI: One franc fifty! With that, you don't die of hunger. ( resuming gaily) Ah! yes, one dies of hunger —when you forget to have lunch —To table, neighbor. (she moves the table forward)

PAUL: To table —Here are my cherries.

MIMI: And here's my milk (they sit down) Shall we share if you like?

PAUL: Let's share —as the proverb says —Give me what you have.

MIMI: (finishing) I will give you what I have.

(They eat.)

PAUL: Thirty sous per day, neighbor! and you are furnished like a princess!

MIMI: Well?

PAUL: And you dress like a flirt! That must cost a lot.

MIMI: You think so?

PAUL: (singing)
     What! this beautiful shawl that you wear on fest days?

MIMI: (singing)
     Go to the market, where they are found like fleece.

PAUL:
     What! these kerchiefs, this well-tailored dress?

MIMI:
     That's my work —and for good reason,
     I don't charge for that.

PAUL: What! This bonnet, ravishing headdress,
     Which sets off your pretty features so well?

MIMI: That costs me even less.
     For it was God who gave me my face
     And I made the bonnet myself.

PAUL: (aside) And to say with what a frank manner—of ingenuity —she's able —

MIMI: You aren't eating.

PAUL: Indeed —Do you know, neighbor, that you are very well disciplined, very reasonable? and that you would make a good little housekeeper?

MIMI: What! —I would make —but I already am a housekeeper!

PAUL: A household—of your own —it's incomplete—You need it.

MIMI: A set of chimney ornaments —Oh! indeed —

PAUL: (moving his chair closer to Mimi) No —another thing.

MIMI: (astonished) Bah! I have a spoon, tongs, three chairs, a salad bowl, a cake plate, a mirror —

PAUL: (getting very close to her) Keep going. (very low) A lover!

MIMI: A lover! ha, ha, ha!

PAUL: He must present himself.

MIMI: Enormously! First of all, all my neighbors —that's in the queue —I've been adored by the whole landing —with sighs —that make the house tremble.

PAUL: And on your side.

MIMI: Oh, as for me, I laugh with them —but when they want to laugh too much —I don't laugh.

PAUL: (observing her) What! never one of them, bolder than the others.

MIMI: Oh! indeed —they are all very bold, there's one especially, wait, the one who was living in your room before you. One night he played the farce of breaking down the communicating door —that one —and falling in here like a sudden shower.

PAUL: Ah! bah! And you shouted for help!

MIMI: Shout? To be a shrew? those who are afraid scream.

PAUL: What did you do?

MIMI: Nothing.

PAUL: What did you say?

MIMI: I didn't say anything —but, what I know is that he became ashamed, asked my pardon —with big tears in his eyes.

PAUL: (aside, rising) If it were true! But no, —all that I've just learned.

MIMI: (rising, too) And the next day, didn't he want to marry me, for real!

PAUL: (helping Mimi replace the table) And you told him?

MIMI: I told him —first of all —to get the door fixed, and after that to go get married elsewhere. He was a nice young man, I don't say —but if you think I will take the first to come along! Ah! but with my little air —I was raised to be more well-to-do than I am.

PAUL: Meaning if you were to find?

MIMI: I'm not looking —and then husbands, they don't have many on my landing. But, bah! I am in no rush —when one comes along, we will see. (singing)
     As for lovers, I'm on my guard.
     Men are very prompt to change,
     And as for a husband that heaven is keeping for me,
     I'm waiting for him here without bothering.
     I'm not alone, I think,
     I have two companions, see here. (pointing to the bird cage)
     My canaries give me patience
     While waiting until I have a husband. (repeat refrain)

(She hangs the cage in the window.)

PAUL: So, you don't perceive that you lack —someone?

MIMI: Well, indeed —there are moments when I have to take work to town and when it rains.

PAUL: Ah, you are counting on making your husband carry?

MIMI: Who else?

PAUL: That's fair; the right belongs to him.

MIMI: Happily, the weather is good today, and I am not going far. (aside, placing bonnets in a carton) Poor Blanchette, if I were able to help her!

PAUL: What! you are leaving?

MIMI: You'll watch my room, won't you?

(Mimi gets herself ready before a little mirror over the chest of drawers.)

PAUL: I —I'd really like to —but you mustn't absent yourself for long, because —I can really agree to that —what Papa Estragon was saying —about the little lady, you know? that piques my curiosity.

MIMI: (looking at him) Heaven!

PAUL: (forcing himself to laugh) Ha, ha, ha, ha —that's funny!

MIMI: (dressing) You aren't going to laugh like that, you too? a woman who has a husband —jealous, maybe!

PAUL: Certainly!

MIMI: Huh?

PAUL: (catching himself) I suppose —

MIMI: And who knows! —children —

PAUL: (forgetting himself) Exactly.

MIMI: Huh?

PAUL: (catching himself) I suppose.

MIMI: And now there's a bad household —misfortunes —perhaps orphans. Ah! look, Mr. Paul, that seizes my heart, mine! And to prevent such a disaster —(almost weeping) Oh, if she was here —I would say to her —Madame —

PAUL: (very interested ) Yes, yes.

MIMI: It's wrong —because! and then —you have duties —and then —

PAUL: (the same) Yes, yes.

MIMI: (turning about and laughing) Ha! ha! ha! —this air, you take me in —Does it concern you now? Rather give me my shawl.

PAUL: (taking a Tartan hanging at the back) Here, neighbor, here.

MIMI: Wait, sir —don't look. (she throws the shawl over her head)

PAUL: Oh! why —

MIMI: It's more secure —be nice about it. (she changes the kerchief)

PAUL: Say, I'm bored over it —I am all alone —if there was a little hole to see.

MIMI: It's finished. (Paul removes the shawl) Here, raise my neck a bit —attach the shawl with these big pins —careful not to prick me.

PAUL: Don't worry. (aside, looking at her neck) Ah! my word —the opportunity makes the —(he kisses her)

MIMI: (uttering a little scream) Ah!

PAUL: Did I prick you, my neighbor?

MIMI: (completely shocked) No, no, you didn't prick me —but all the same, you didn't attach my shawl. (making a face at him) Fie! sir, you are the first —

PAUL: Really?

MIMI: (taking the box) Goodbye, neighbor.

PAUL: See you later, neighbor.

MIMI: (returning) Why, I think so! —you are going to be bored all by yourself. I cannot offer you the books of my library. (suddenly) Ah! a good idea! would you like me to forgive you? would you like to be nice, yes? well amuse yourself by sweeping my room.

PAUL: Huh?

MIMI: Sweep, neighbor, sweep hard —that will amuse you.

(Mimi leaves.)

PAUL: (alone) Ah, indeed, for goodness sake, I wasn't expecting that! sweep hard! I really want to eat some cherries and attach the shawl —that I really like —attaching the shawl —but sweeping up —ha, ha, ha —This little one is astonishing —the devil take me, I'm terrified to forget —(resuming with comic gravity) Be proud, Baron Paul Duflot —noble since yesterday, baron of commerce and industry —that's what! who was your father, if you please? a poor little commission merchant, who married a little working girl, a grisette, like your neighbor —and that grisette was his whole life. (sighing) Ah! in a way that Mimi Pinson won't ever be! My mother had for her dowry, virtue, a righteousness proof against all and (sighing) it seems that Mimi is consuming her dowry before marriage. (changing tone) Come on, come on, it was to think like that that I made myself a commission merchant and that I am living here on the fifth floor. Oh no —to save a woman and to cure a jealous husband of his suspicions —and, then, after that —(looking about him) Goodbye, poor little attic —goodbye, my sweet Mimi —I will no longer hear you say “Neighbor,” (laughing despite himself) “sweep my room!” Since there's no way of getting out of it, it must be done under pain of passing for —what I am. (seeing a broom and a stick) Here are the necessary instruments. (going to the window) I notice in the street a commissioner, a provincial —Ah! yes, the street! she's very far away. (he leans out the window)

SERAPHIN: (entering, to himself) I got rid of the errand boy and —(aloud) Still, here!

PAUL: Huh? (aside) Oh! the provincial was asking questions! Wait, wait —I am going to make you sweep, you!

SERAPHIN: Our neighbor left?

PAUL: Yes, —and I am going to beg you to do something —which may disturb you a bit —because I promised Mamzelle Mimi to sweep her room.

SERAPHIN: Bah! you are charged with it. (aside) Ha, ha, ha, ha! I don't envy your duties. (sits to the right)

PAUL: And if she is satisfied, (low and gaily) I'll have two kisses for my reward. Ah! but! I don't like this way of rewarding her sweeper! She can be economical —but I don't like it!

SERAPHIN: Two kisses —a payment of —(aside) Why, I don't —

PAUL: Also, I feel a passion in me. (he sweeps clumsily)

SERAPHIN: (still seated, sneering) Oh, oh, oh!

PAUL: (stopping) What?

SERAPHIN: Nothing, nothing —I am snickering quietly so as not to interrupt you.

PAUL: And —why are you snickering?

SERAPHIN: (disdainfully) Where did you learn to sweep?

PAUL: Why —I think I'm accustomed to it.

SERAPHIN: Yes, I believe you are accustomed —to sweep clumsily. First of all, this leg —ha, ha, ha! One would say you were going to dance the Mazurka in a ball-room.

PAUL: And this here?

SERAPHIN: Ah! good! you are going to make a big split, like a ballet dancer!

PAUL: (shuffling his feet) Here! Here!

SERAPHIN: Fine! fine! he's running about! they'd say that you were shuffling the cards with your feet.

PAUL: Come on! you wouldn't do it any differently.

SERAPHIN: Me? me? (aside) Innocent! if you scrubbed your clerk's room every Sunday!

PAUL: No, no! I bet you don't understand anything about how to do it!

SERAPHIN: (rising) I could —ah! bravo! he's going to kick himself out the door. One could, without being of the best strength, give you a lesson.

PAUL: You?

SERAPHIN: Me!

PAUL: I defy you to.

SERAPHIN: Ah! you defy me to. (swinging the stick, fitting the brush, and scrubbing with all his strength) There, there! that's how you do it! that's how you scrub in the grand salons! follow with your eye, follow the motion.

PAUL: (relaxing on a chair to the left) Bad.

SERAPHIN: Bad? (redoubling his efforts) Why, take a look before speaking! observe this right leg! there's some steam in it!

PAUL: Execrable!

SERAPHIN: Execrable, why, wretch, jealousy is carrying you away! (dancing on the brush) Ah! that's bad? come on? there! there! ah! that's execrable? There, again! there! there! there!

PAUL: Bravo!

SERAPHIN: (dancing on the brush)
     See, if you please,
     How gamely, how supple!
     Like a jade,
     I stride over the floor.

PAUL: Yes, you've got some talent,
     My dear boy, I confess it.

SERAPHIN: See how it shines.
     Do it better if you can.

PAUL: Neighbor, I am conquered, humiliated.

SERAPHIN: No breeze, graceful method.
     There you are!
     Imitate it.

PAUL: Me? Never in my life.
     Scrub, scrub: you were born to do it.

TOGETHER
      SERAPHIN
: See, if you please,
     How gamely, how supple,
     Like a jade
     I stride over the floor!
     By slouching,
     You slide with softness.
     See how it shines.
     Do it better if you can.

PAUL: Neighbor, it's perfect.
     How gamely, how supple,
     Like a jade
     Sliding over the floor.
     Yes, he's got some talent,
     My dear boy, I confess it.
     And truly, never
     Will I do better.

SERAPHIN: (releasing the brush, the broom, and falling stretched out onto a chair) Ah, I cannot do any more. I must be red as a lobster —boiled. (he stretches out while Paul disposes of the tools)

MIMI: (entering) Here I am, here I am —I wasn't long, was I, huh? (seeing Paul still holding the broom) Ah! my neighbor! what! you had the kindness —ah! how sweet that was of you.

SERAPHIN: (misunderstanding) Oh! it's such a little thing.

MIMI: How hot he is! —this poor lad! Oh! (offering him her cheek) Come! kiss me for your trouble.

SERAPHIN: (rising hurriedly) She said —

PAUL: (kissing her) One —and two.

SERAPHIN: He has her number! He has it! (shouting) But doggone it! it was me —over here!

MIMI: (to Seraphin) See what it is, neighbor, to be good and obliging! That deserves something.

SERAPHIN: (still shouting) Why, I'm robbed! it's as if he took two kisses from my pocket! (to Mimi) If I say to you —

MIMI: Damn! Earn them in your turn —lazy, sitting there on a chair.

(Seraphin wants to speak.)

PAUL: (cutting off his words) Lazy! sitting there on a chair.

MIMI: Here, so you can relieve stiffness of your legs.

SERAPHIN: Damnation! they are sufficiently relieved They are torpid. (to Mimi) Why, it's —

MIMI: You don't know? A nasty little clerk of a bailiff, who's bringing a paper against Blanchette —to think we cannot save her! One hundred seventy five francs —and all I can do is weep.

PAUL: (aside) Poor girl! —that's it indeed!

MIMI: And that made me forget the chickweed for the canaries. (to Seraphin) Say then, go down to the grocer for me —that will make me ten flights —Your turn, now!

SERAPHIN: Yes, count down. (aside) She will give me something like she gave to the other again, for my trouble.

MIMI: Well?

SERAPHIN: Pardon, neighbor —I had a political discussion with the grocer and we are cold to each other. Besides, I haven't dined.

(He looks at Paul.)

MIMI: Hum! —good for nothing!

SERAPHIN: (aside) Good to scrub, that's all!

PAUL: Neighbor, I accept the commission. (aside) Soon I'll have to buy two or three francs worth of chickweed.

MIMI: You are not too worn out?

PAUL: (taking his hat) Me? oh! my God, it's as if I hadn't done a thing.

SERAPHIN: (aside) He allows himself this nonsense again! (to Mimi) We have a score to settle and when you are alone.

MIMI: Hello, hello! (recalling Paul) Ah! say, I think that the little curly-head is waiting for someone —he's lying in wait.

PAUL: (aside) Oh! I will speak to him!

MIMI: He has a vexed air!

SERAPHIN: I really think so, if kisses take place in front of his nose —like mine

PAUL: (to Mimi) Are you coming, neighbor? (singing) To obey you, I rush,
     Happy to save you steps. (aside)
     I will be able, without appearing to,
     Learn what is taking place below.

SERAPHIN: (low to Paul) See, how familiar she is.
     What lack of manners —no sincerity.
     You can be sure a woman doesn't love
     A man she sends for chickweed.

TOGETHER

PAUL: To obey you, I rush, etc.

SERAPHIN: (aside) Vainly he rushes to please her.
     The wretch will waste his steps.
     The doctrine that I profess
     Tells me she doesn't love him.

MIMI: How sweet he is —what a hurry he's in.
     He's trying to save my steps.
     It's to little cares like these that virtue
     Often cannot resist.

(They leave.)

MIMI: Ah! now that I'm alone here. —(she goes back to work. Estragon rushes in and locks the door) Huh? Ah! my God! what's the matter with you? your eyes are popping out of your head!

ESTRAGON: There's something to make them pop! a proud news, go on!

MIMI: (coming closer) Ah! bah! —is it amusing?

ESTRAGON: It's thrilling! While coming down from Blanchette, whom we have just notified of the seizure of her goods —

MIMI: Are you still boasting of that —! Poor girl!

ESTRAGON: I met on the stairs a servant in a red vest —a groom —

MIMI: A groom. (pronounces it gru-um)

ESTRAGON: It's written groom —it's pronounced groom! He was examining all the doors on the landing. Who do you want, groom? He looked at me as if I were stupid.

MIMI: I understand that.

ESTRAGON: The name didn't come, he showed me a letter he was bearing for one of the young men of the landing —he didn't want to let it go, but what did I read on the address?

MIMI: To Mr. Paul or Mr. Seraphin?

ESTRAGON: To Baron Duflot!

MIMI: Heavens!

ESTRAGON: To Monsieur le baron

MIMI: Duflot. (troubled) Are you quite sure of that?

ESTRAGON: Heavens! you've got all upset, like me! and even Hortense! she will be suffocated —we have a baron on the fifth floor!

MIMI: Him! Mr. Duflot!

ESTRAGON: A baron at three hundred francs rent, and without straw matting! sonofabitch! it's some remnant of the old regime.

MIMI: (to herself) Eh! no —that cannot be! and why here? would he know?

ESTRAGON: You know him?

MIMI: Me? yes —no, that is to say —which one? Ah! yes, ah, yes —Mr. Paul, Mr. Seraphin —which one? (shouting) Wait! I am there! No, both of them have glazed boots.

ESTRAGON: You've got it?

MIMI: (to herself) Yes! the subtrefuges that he told me about his situation, that bouquet, and then his refusal to go for chickweed.

ESTRAGON: For chickweed —what?

MIMI: Ah!

ESTRAGON: Ah!

MIMI: And that letter Mr. Paul burned, and that he took from his papers! that letter to Baron —

ESTRAGON: He's the big one?

MIMI: No.

ESTRAGON: He's the little one?

MIMI: He's —

ESTRAGON: He's?

MIMI: (seeing Seraphin enter) Ah! there he is!

ESTRAGON: Oh! (they both stand motionless)

SERAPHIN: Neighbor —you are alone and I am coming to —(seeing her frozen and embarrassed) Eh! well? What's the matter with you?

MIMI: (stammering) Me? why —I —I don't know —ask Mr. Estragon.

SERAPHIN: (looking at him in his turn) Heavens! what's wrong with him, too, Papa Lynx.

ESTRAGON: Me? why, I —I don't know. Ask —(he makes questioning signs to Mimi, if this is the baron. She replies the same way. Yes, yes, and makes signals him to leave.)

ESTRAGON: Understood.

SERAPHIN: (staring at them) Ah! indeed, why it's hieroglyphics?

ESTRAGON: There he goes speaking English again. (to Mimi) Yes, yes. (he leaves with exaggerated bows, then stops at the back) This is going to turn Hortense topsy-turvy from top to bottom. (Seraphin turns and makes more exaggerated bows.)

(Exit Estragon.)

SERAPHIN: (returning the bows) Mr. Estragon, I really have the honor, ha! ha! ha!

MIMI: (forcing herself to laugh) Ha! ha! ha! (aside) In fact, I prefer that this be he than the other one!

SERAPHIN: What's got him, Mr. Hortense, huh?

MIMI: (still embarrassed) Damn! —as for me —I —(excitedly) Take the trouble to be seated. (she brings a chair which she dusts with her table cloth)

SERAPHIN: (speechless) Goodness! goodness! goodness! goodness!

MIMI: Aside, abruptly) Ah! Lord God! as for me, who made him give my canaries water to drink. (aloud) Sir.

SERAPHIN: Sir? (aside) What a way she's looking at me.

MIMI: If I had known —certainly —

SERAPHIN: Why she's blushing a lot! is this going to continue a bit?

MIMI: I would never have dared —because you —as for me that —

SERAPHIN: (the same) Why she's stammering tremendously —! symptom!

MIMI: I would never have thought —hav't' beg you —

SERAPHIN: (jumping) A —A blunder! a real blunder! (explosively) I am loved!

MIMI: Huh?

SERAPHIN: No, no, nothing —Don't pay any attention.
 (aside, exalted) It's come —there it is —think of it! now there's the blunder demanded! —we are there. (aloud) But, pardon, pardon, neighbor —a change like this —so sudden at a moment when one was not expecting it —for in the end —what's it mean?

MIMI: (timidly) You know very well.

SERAPHIN: I suspect it. (aside) Eyes lowered, heart in her mouth —she's taken —o darling, go!

MIMI: It's that —you are no longer the same for me!

SERAPHIN: (aside) That's it! —oh, how I'm palpitating!

MIMI: Since now that I know —

SERAPHIN: What?

MIMI: Who you are.

SERAPHIN: Who I —(aside) Sonofabitch! the bailiff is unveiled.

MIMI: Why have you hidden it from me, sir?

SERAPHIN: (interrupting her) Because I was afraid of displeasing you, o Mimi —but, now that you know everything —I no longer intend to hide anything —Well, yes, I was deceiving you —I am one of them!

MIMI: (triumphant) Ah!

SERAPHIN: You know my secret —In your turn —you owe me a confession!

MIMI: (troubled) Me? o heaven —you know?

SERAPHIN: I've guessed everything! Your emotion —this unease, this blunder —I know everything!

MIMI: You know that I am —

SERAPHIN: Yes,

MIMI: Your cousin?

SERAPHIN: (startled) Huh? (aside) A cousin, now!

MIMI: Ah! my God! you didn't know it!

SERAPHIN: No! that is to say, yes —that is to say, no. (aside) Ah, why, I'm no longer with it!

MIMI: I didn't say anything —you've learned nothing. No, no, it's not for she who is poor to recall the relative who is rich —

SERAPHIN: You are saying? (aside) I am rich, now? I am rich and I have a cousin! Ah! why, that's how we are stuttering! I stutter, she stutters, we stut—

MIMI: Ah! what a thought!

SERAPHIN: What, again?

MIMI: You couldn't hide yourself to do ill —on the contrary —I am sure that your title serves you only to do good.

SERAPHIN: My title —indeed —yes —sometimes. (aside) What's she take bailiffs for anyway?

MIMI: (aside) He's not proud of being a baron —that's nice! (aloud) Therefor, I prefer you to tell you everything plainly, Mr. Seraphin —you are generous and good —you ought to be when you are rich.

SERAPHIN: Certainly, I —(aside) There she goes again!

MIMI: I know —for a long while —that you love to help the wretched.

SERAPHIN: Damn! when one can (aside) right to the last decimal point.

MIMI: Well! —here —just now I was all atremble, and now I feel courageous. (getting excited) Come on, then! if it didn't cost a bit, it wouldn't be meritorious —(with persuasion) My cous—

SERAPHIN: Huh?

MIMI: (resuming) Sir —you know, there is, —in this house —a poor, sick, girl —

SERAPHIN: La Blanchette on the sixth

MIMI: Come to her assistance —pay for her.

SERAPHIN: Huh? (aside) I, who just caused —(gesture of kicking her out the door)

MIMI: (continuing) Perhaps you will save her from a greater danger! Oh, that will be money very well placed —really!

SERAPHIN: Yes! yes! yes! —And you will love me?

MIMI: I will adore you!

SERAPHIN: Oh! I consent to it

MIMI: Well! go —bring your help to her yourself, to receive her blessings.

PAUL: (entering carrying an enormous sack of chickweed) Here's the chickweed requested.

SERAPHIN: Ah! heaven —there's enough for all the canaries in Paris!

MIMI: (running to remove Paul's hat and throwing the chickweed on the floor) Will you take your hat off?

PAUL: What's up?

MIMI: Before him!

PAUL: Who?

MIMI: Hush! I will tell you.

PAUL: (abruptly) Ah, indeed, neighbor, you will explain to me.

MIMI: (resting her hand on his mouth) Stop!

SERAPHIN: (low to Paul) Did I tell you she adored someone —and it wasn't you!

SERAPHIN: (low to Mimi) I am going to go find the money.

MIMI: Go, baron.

PAUL: Huh?

SERAPHIN: (aside) Baron! Could it be, without my suspecting it —could they have been abusing me since my birth?

TOGETHER:

SERAPHIN AND PAUL: (aside)
     Ah, I am indeed
     Speechless, stupefied.
     What is this secret,
     This mystery?
     But as for me, everything's fine.
     Prudently, we say nothing.
     The way to happiness
     Is to keep your mouth shut.

MIMI: (aside)
     See, how he seems,
     Speechless, stupefied;
     Of his title he made
     A mystery.

(Exit Seraphin.)

MIMI: You don't know! he's a baron!

PAUL: Ah! bah!

MIMI: Baron Duflot.

PAUL: Ah! bah!

MIMI: He admitted it.

PAUL: Ah! bah!

MIMI: God! what a stupid look you have —If I tell you so —a disguise —a whole scandal.

PAUL: And this Baron Duflot, he is?

MIMI: He is Mr. Seraphin.

PAUL: (bursting out) Ah! That's a bit much!

MIMI: And why's that? Well! I don't know —I had an idea of it —that face, those distinguished manners. (Paul chokes back a laugh) Go on laugh! I know something about it, perhaps —And another proof.

PAUL: Ah! let's see, another proof?

MIMI: It's he who's going to find money —175 francs —for the sixth term.

PAUL: Him! (aside) Ah! he won't do me out of this good deed!

MIMI: You say?

PAUL: I say that it's wrong of you not to address yourself to me, not to have asked me.

MIMI: (choking back a burst of laughter) My turn to laugh for goodness sake. Put on your airs! Do you have more money than I do?

PAUL: It's true —it's true.

MIMI: Whereas he?

PAUL: He, baron —Baron Duflot —Oh! oh!

MIMI: Well! look —they told me that he was an original —that he'd placed his baron's title in his pocket —that he had refused great marriages —and that he had remained all simple, like his father —I didn't want to believe it —

PAUL: You knew his father?

MIMI: Now, I know everything.

PAUL: Yes, yes —and the rest goes all alone —a baron, a moneybags, who comes to lodge near your nest —it's he who wants to get close to you.

MIMI: You are there!

PAUL: It's he who loves you.

MIMI: That's true.

PAUL: It's he who offers you his heart.

MIMI: That's clear.

PAUL: His fortune.

MIMI: Don't want it.

PAUL: His hand.

MIMI: Don't take it —Well! yes, take it, shake it, and say to him Thanks! we cannot do it.

PAUL: (with an air of doubt) Ah! don't you believe it!

MIMI: Ah! not believe it? —because he's a baron and rich, does that prevent him from being ugly and stupid?

PAUL: Rich —noble —you wouldn't love him?

MIMI: Heavens! suppose I loved another!

PAUL: (excitedly) Another? who then?

MIMI: That's none of your concern.

PAUL: But —

MIMI: But —now noon is coming —rather speak to me of the little woman —that's waiting on the first.

PAUL: She won't come, I hope.

MIMI: What's it to you?

PAUL: Nothing —nothing —It's that leaving the grocer, I saw the husband on guard duty —I recognized him.

MIMI: Huh? you?

PAUL: Oh! he's only a husband, you see, that's recognizable right away —it gives you an air. (listening) O heaven! —don't you hear it —a carriage! (running to the window)

MIMI: It's she —she is ruined.

PAUL: No, no, —the carriage is passing by.

MIMI: So much the better —my heart was gripped.

PAUL: And me, too! poor woman! Still, that doesn't concern me —I laugh about it —and yet, I want to save her.

MIMI: Ah, yes —but the means? If one could trap the husband —jealous villain —make him think —

PAUL: I understand what you mean.

MIMI: Ah! that's fortunate —as for me, I don't.

PAUL: Indeed. (aside) I'll wait for her —I'll warn her, and —

MIMI: Ah! my God —that man there —down there —

PAUL: That's the husband.

MIMI: Impossible that he won't see his wife arrive. Ah! an idea —if we were to tell everything to Baron Duflot —he might be able —

PAUL: Nothing! the husband detests him —he is jealous of him.

MIMI: Ah! bah! —who told you?

PAUL: Silence!

ESTRAGON: (entering) Well, well! now there's a famous one! it's over.

MIMI: Over —what?

PAUL: Did she arrive?

ESTRAGON: Lord God! I didn't see you —I was afraid —(aside) He made a lease with her?

PAUL: Speak —you say?

ESTRAGON: I say that now there's a famous —wait, miz, wait!

MIMI: What is it?

ESTRAGON: The receipt I am taking to little Blanchette.

MIMI: The receipt?

ESTRAGON: Since I've received the money! that the same groom just deposited in my lodging on behalf of an unknown person.

PAUL: (going to the window) Ah! if this is all.

ESTRAGON: What do you mean! what's this?

PAUL: (aside) Heavens! a carriage! It's she!

(He leaves without being perceived.)

ESTRAGON: What's this! One hundred seventy-five francs.

MIMI: He was able to do it —good young man! (suddenly) My God! what an uproar! What is it I hear?

ESTRAGON: (at the back) Oh! some company! —one would say a battle on the stairway.

A VOICE: (outside) Hippolyte!

ESTRAGON: And Hortense is calling me! (shouting) Here, my darling! (leaving) Sonofabitch! if it was a thief! (he leaves, the uproar increases)

MIMI: (at the back) Ah! I think so! —Yes, it was! (Mimi looking out the back)

(The blocked door is forcibly shaken; it gives way, and suddenly opens, and Paul rushes in Mimi's room)

PAUL: (to an unseen person) Come.

MIMI: (turning ) Heaven!

PAUL: (low) Wait. (excitedly to Mimi) I am pursued —creditors —help!

MIMI: You —Then it's for that —

PAUL: That I was hiding myself —Yes! Listen —on the stairway. (while Mimi listens at the back) Get in here quick!

(He makes a veiled woman enter; the lady is hidden in the alcove without being seen.)

MIMI: (excitedly) They are rapping at your door. (rapping can be heard) They are going to break it in. There's some shouting —“I heard him.”

PAUL: It's the bailiff! Go in there. —you are at home and you don't know me.

MIMI: Great idea! I, who do not love the bailiffs. Indeed, what I will say is: This is my room —what is it you want?

PAUL: Yes, yes, —that's the thing —quick!

MIMI: Don't worry —I am going to stop them —You, run away by my door.

(She goes into Paul's room, who holds open the door leading to his room, and casts the following words at the veiled lady.)

PAUL: (excitedly) You are saved! Take this purse, go up one floor —to the sixth —a poor unfortunate girl is sick —You came into this house for a work of charity —without stopping at the first —nor at my place —I didn't see you —I was in my room.

(The uproar increases. He quickly goes back into his room and shuts the door. The lady starts to leave when Estragon opens the door at the back and pops his head in. The veiled lady only has time to rush into Mimi's alcove. All this happens simultaneously and very fast.)

ESTRAGON: (laughing at the door as he enters without looking) Don't be afraid of anything, Miz Mimi —it's the husband —the ash grey colored one —followed by all the tenants! He caught his spouse —according to what he said —not on the first floor. It seems he pursued her even to the door of Mr. Paul. As for me, I didn't see a thing —but he heard a woman's voice —(imitating) Ah! I am ruined! Come! this is going to be fun! (entering suddenly) Heavens! where are you then? —There isn't anyone. (going towards the Alcove) Miz Mimi! (running to the door at back) Everybody's out!

PAUL: (opening the blocked door) At last —she was able to escape.

ESTRAGON: (turning back) Ah! bah! Ah! heavens! ah! fine! —the house is famous today, now! And the lady who was there in your room?

PAUL: Huh? What lady? I don't know.

MIMI: (coming back from Paul's by the same door, and quite troubled) Why, no —it was not a bailiff.

ESTRAGON: Ah! bah! Ah! heavens!—Ah! fine! —That woman's voice, in your place —it was Miz Mimi!

MIMI: Me? —What do you mean?

PAUL: (to Estragon) Leave! —Leave!

ESTRAGON: Yes —I'm off. (aside) Excuses me, little lady. (aloud) But the other one?

PAUL: (pushing him) Will you get out of here. (returning, aside) He didn't see her leave.

MIMI: (very upset) But am I to know at last what this signifies? Those creditors —they were all tenants in this house —There you were in your room with me —so you had nothing to fear? And, seeing us alone, they all left in a manner —which has me all upset. And then that gentleman who was so furious and who stopped and took off his hat to me and apologized saying: You are not she! —He was searching for someone who wasn't there —Then who was it, Mr. Paul? How upset you are! As for me, I don't know what I am experiencing —Who was it?

(At this moment the lady emerges from the alcove and rapidly sneaks out. Mimi, who has seen her, let's out a little scream.)

MIMI: Ah!

PAUL: You know everything. (taking her hands effusively) This secret —it's a good deed —that I am sharing with you! This lady, who is leaving here, is the daughter of my tutor —of the man who was my second father, she was a sister to me! Chained, despite herself to a despotic and jealous husband, who never wanted to see me, she was unable to resist the seductions, which were torn from her letters —with which they hoped to ruin her completely —which would have ruined her! If I, the friend of the family, had not, for the last week, watched over her to save her!

MIMI: Eight days? you entered here?

PAUL: (continuing) If, at the moment when her husband, crossed the sill of this house, I had not dragged her, almost dying, up here, into my room. (Mimi looks at him with excitement) The room of a brother. (resuming) Unfortunately —the noise of our steps —my door locking —a cry of terror —attracted this man to your landing —he summoned me to open —he was going to force the door! He doesn't know me —but his wife in my room —pale, trembling —what to say? happily she was able to escape through here —while you deceived him —I am breathing —I am happy! (looking at her, astonished) But —you?

MIMI: Me? Yes —no question. (singing)
     Just like you, it's a joy for me
     To have saved this —imprudent —woman.
     And yet, I feel, in my heart,
     A suspicion, despite myself, which troubles and torments me.
     What! you so good. (resuming) Oh! no I don't want to believe it. (begging)
     But, tell me, sir, from the bottom of your soul,
     How could you preserve the honor of this woman
     Without saving hers at the price of mine?

PAUL: (confused) Mimi! —why —I thought.

SERAPHIN: (entering with Estragon who he has by the collar) You were their accomplice, old pirate.

ESTRAGON: (shouting) Let go of my collar —you'll rip it, Baron!

SERAPHIN: (releasing him) Baron yourself! This is a shame! it's for this I was gotten rid of, sending me to the sixth floor to bear my savings —175 francs and to receive blessings. I received them! with this lady!

PAUL: (excitedly) This lady! —she was —

SERAPHIN: (abruptly) As for you, I'm not talking to you. (to Mimi in a soft tone) This door is blocked and if ever it is open. (explosively) It's open!

ESTRAGON: That it is!

MIMI: (timidly) But, sir —

SERAPHIN: Go, go listen to the neighbors —and especially the women —and this gentleman in pursuit of his wife —who he found upstairs —the imbecile!

PAUL: Great God —he found her —

SERAPHIN: (more forcefully) I am not speaking to you. (continuing) And the whole house who surprised you with this gentleman —

MIMI: Ah!

ESTRAGON: It's true.

SERAPHIN: (reproachfully) In a room —belonging to another sex! you, Mamzelle, who proclaimed righteousness, even virtue! —without a single lover —not one.

PAUL: What do I hear!

MIMI: But I swear to you that this is unworthy —that —

SERAPHIN: Quit it! perhaps you think that I am going to make a gull of a husband, like this one who's going to ask pardon of his wife —

PAUL: (joyfully) Truly —he's asking her.

SERAPHIN: (in a rage) I am not speaking to you! (to Mimi) And as for me, who loved you —me, who gave water to your canaries —me, who wanted to offer you my heart, my hand —and —my hand!

ESTRAGON: Ah! bah! a baron.

PAUL: The Devil! It's an honor.

MIMI: That I would have refused, and that I will refuse again. (to Seraphin) Yes, sir, yes, your title, your fortune, do I care about that, me? Did I ever think about it? and still it's not necessary to be so vain about it —I am your cousin after all!

SERAPHIN: There she goes again!

PAUL AND ESTRAGON: His cousin!

MIMI: Mima Pinsonier —your mother's niece, and because my father wasn't as lucky as yours in his manufacturing —because he wasn't made a baron like yours —

SERAPHIN: Why, no!

PAUL: (very moved) Keep on going!

MIMI: (continuing) There's no need to think I am less proud than you —ah! indeed —I am refusing you, rich as you are, baron as you are.

SERAPHIN: No, indeed.

PAUL: Very fine!

ESTRAGON: She refuses.

MIMI: (the same) What I want in my husband —if I take one, is that he be a fine lad —neither noble, nor stupid, I don't insist on that —it's that he protect me, rather than condemn me! it's that he believe me, when I tell him I am an honest girl! it's that he esteem me! it's that he love me! —here, with all his heart!

PAUL: Like me.

MIMI: (carried away) Yes, Mr. Paul, like you.

ESTRAGON: Oh! What a mistake!

MIMI: (the same) Because you judge me better! because you have placed me by half in a good deed! that consoles me for everything and I am not unsaying it now. (she takes him by the arm) Let the door be open —It's no longer my place, it's no longer your place —it's both our place! I can resume gaily my needlework and my songs, and laugh at the spying of porters.

ESTRAGON: Huh?

MIMI: The concerns of the neighborhood and the great fury of The Baron.

SERAPHIN: No, indeed!

PAUL: (laughing) Bravo! —my wife!

ESTRAGON: (laughing) Instead of being baroness —

SERAPHIN: (shaking him by the collar) If you say that word one more time I'll break your skull.

ESTRAGON: Let go of my collar!

SERAPHIN: (shouting) But she won't be a baroness —because I am not a baron! —but what rage to rub in my face a title, me Seraphin Moutonnet, bailiff's clerk.

MIMI: Bailiff's clerk!

SERAPHIN: I've let the cat out of the bag.

MIMI: O fie! Ah! yuck!

ESTRAGON: Quit it! and the groom and the tenant on the sixth! There's a baron in the house, for sure! —I have to have one.

SERAPHIN: It's not me!

ESTRAGON: Nor me.

MIMI: Why, who is it then?

PAUL: (pointing to Seraphin) Hell —it's got to be one of the two of us.

(Mimi Pinson looks at him and timidly withdraws her arm from his.)

ESTRAGON: Ah! Pooh!

SERAPHIN: A baron, him? (disdainfully) Ah! fi, ah, yuck!

PAUL: (going to Mimi and taking her arm again) I'm not gainsaying it!

MIMI: (confused) Ah! sir —and I made you scrub my room!

(Estragon, goes over to Paul.)

PAUL: (laughing and pointing to Seraphin) Yes —but it's he who —(makes a scrubbing gesture)

MIMI: Really? (bursting into laughter) Him? ah, ha, ha, ha!

SERAPHIN: (laughing also) Ah! ah! ah!

ESTRAGON: Huh? what? I don't get it. (aside) I'm going to tell Hortense!

CHORUS: Ah! who wouldn't love a grisette,
     Honest and flirtatious?
     No, nothing is better hereabouts
     Than youth, love and fresh attractions.

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CURTAIN