EText by Dagny
EText by Dagny
This Etext is for private use only. No republication for profit in print or other media may be made without the express consent of the Copyright Holder. The Copyright Holder is especially concerned about performance rights in any media on stage, cinema, or television, or audio or any other media, including readings for which an entrance fee or the like is charge. Permissions should be addressed to: Frank Morlock, 6006 Greenbelt Rd, #312, Greenbelt, MD 20770, USA or frankmorlock@msn.com. Other works by this author may be found at http://www.cadytech.com/dumas/personnage.asp?key=130
CHARACTERS:
Cranston
Phillip Brann
Alf
First Woman
Second Woman
Third Woman
First Man
Second Man
Five men, three women
Scene: Cranston's apartment. Small but neat. Cranston, a young
lawyer is seated in an armchair reading. There is a piano against the
wall. A portrait of an Elizabethan is on one wall. There is a knock on
the door and Cranston rises to admit Phillip Brann, who is a
queer-looking fellow with a commanding presence.
Cranston
Can I do anything for you, sir?
Brann
Yes. I never make purposeless visits. You are an attorney, I
understand?
Cranston
Yes, that's right. My office is downtown.
Brann
But you live in this building?
Cranston
As you see.
Brann
I live here, too. On the third floor.
Cranston
I see. No doubt you thought it would be more convenient to speak to
me here than to come to my office.
Brann
That's it.
Cranston
Well, all right. If you will be so kind as to state your case, I
will give it my best attention.
Brann
I've no doubt of that, Mr. Cranston. It especially concerns you.
Cranston
Indeed. To whom do I have the honor of speaking?
Brann
My name is Phillip Brann.
Cranston
Your accent is a trifle foreign. Are you a permanent resident in
this city?
Brann
No. I am by birth an Englishman--but I never reside anywhere.
Cranston
Really?
Brann
You see my habits are easy.
Cranston
I see it perfectly, sir. But what has all this got to do with me?
Brann
It's necessary that we meet before you do that which you will do.
Cranston
Oh, I'm to do something then?
Brann
Much. You dream of wealth. You intend to obtain it by industry and
hard work.
Cranston
What's wrong with that?
Brann
You will never succeed.
Cranston
Your prophecies, sir, are more dogmatical than pleasant.
Brann
Tonight, I hate delays.
Cranston
What are you talking about?
Brann
I'll trouble you for a match.
Cranston
Certainly.
Brann
You're up late.
Cranston
I'm a night owl.
Brann
Are you fond of late wanderings, then?
Cranston
As the mood takes me. Now, what is this?
Brann
You live here?
Cranston
You know that already.
Brann
For several months?
Cranston
Yes.
Brann
Queer house, isn't it?
Cranston
Quiet.
Brann
Hmm! But you will find it queer; take my word for it.
Cranston (irritated)
Why should I do that?
Brann
No offense, no offense.
Cranston
No offense.
Brann
You're being angry doesn't change anything.
Cranston
What do you mean?
Brann
You will find it a queer house. Everybody finds it a queer house.
Do you know who lives across the hall?
Cranston
I never busy myself with the affairs of other people.
Brann
Oh, you don't? Well, I do.
Cranston
So I've noticed.
Brann
Do you know what they eat?
Cranston
Why should I care what people eat? Food, I suppose.
Brann
No. But you will care! You must care. You shall care. I'll tell you
what they are. They are enchanters. They are ghouls. They are
cannibals.
Cranston
You're mad!
Brann
Did you never remark the look in their eyes when you passed?
Cranston
I don't believe I've ever seen them.
Brann
They've seen you. They plan to eat you.
Cranston
Mr. Brann, this is tedious--
Brann
Ever hear the door knob turn at night? Ever so quietly.
Cranston
Go away.
Brann
You know they're watching you. Waiting for their chance. I know you
know it.
Cranston
I don't believe all this. I don't think I'm going to eat spicy food
for a long while. May I ask how you know all this?
Brann
How? Because I am their enemy. Because they tremble at my whisper.
Because I hang on their track like a bloodhound. Because I was one of
them.
Cranston
Monster!
(Cranston moves menacingly towards Brann who retreats.)
Brann
Don't you touch me.
Cranston
Get out!
(Brann is backed up against the door. The handle turns without Brann's touching it, and the door opens. Brann retreats through the now open door.)
Brann
You leave me alone. I just came to pay a neighbourly visit.
Cranston
Never dare to come here again.
(Cranston closes the door firmly.)
Cranston
Weirdo. I'm going out for a walk.
(Cranston opens the door and goes out as the lights dim.)
BLACKOUT
When the lights go up, the spotlight focuses on the door in
Cranston's room. Cranston enters, whistling. He turns on the lights. To
his amazement he finds several men and women in his apartment. The men
are dressed in tuxedoes, the women in extravagant gowns. The visitors
appear surprised by his entrance. The furniture has been slightly
rearranged and looks a bit different. The face in the Elizabethan
portrait is different.
Alf (to Cranston)
Hello there.
Cranston
Where did you come from? How did you get in?
Alf
Have a drink, old sport.
First Woman
Hi, honey.
(The First Woman, who is stunningly attractive, embraces Cranston. He is at a loss to comprehend what is happening.)
Second Woman (a sultry brunette)
We were waiting for you.
Alf
You must drink. Here is some Chablis.
First Woman
It is of the rarest vintage.
Second Woman (offering a glass)
And here is Lachryma Christi.
Alf
We saved the best for you.
First Man
Why did you take so long?
First Woman
You must eat.
First Man
Stewed cutlets.
Second Man
Sushi.
First Woman
Russian Caviar.
Alf
Pleasant glaze.
Cranston (pulling himself free)
Demons! I will have none of your accursed food.
Alf
This is awful. He won't eat.
Second Woman
Did you ever hear the like? We have the most delicious food,
prepared specially for him, and he won't eat.
First Woman (to Cranston, coaxingly)
What's wrong, darling?
Cranston
I know you. You are cannibals, you are ghouls, you are demons, you
are enchanters.
First Woman
Aw, darling, I know everyone says that I am enchanting, but--
(The visitors laugh.)
Cranston (becoming wildly excited)
Get out of here. Get out of here, I tell you. Leave my room in
peace.
(The visitors all laugh and point their fingers at him.)
First Woman (kissing him)
Don't be mad, darling.
Cranston (pushing her away)
Leave my room instantly! I will have none of your unnatural orgies
here.
Second Woman
His room!
First Woman
His room!
All (laughing)
His room! He calls it his room!
First Man
What makes you think it is your room, if you please?
First Woman
How do you know it is yours?
Cranston
How do I know my own room? How can it mistake it? That's my piano.
Second Woman
He calls that a piano!
All (laughing and pointing at him)
Oh, yes. It is his room. There is his piano.
Cranston
It doesn't look right. What have you done with my furniture? How
dare you come in here and tamper with my furniture and put this trash
in here? You've even changed my picture. Nothing is the same. How dare
you?
(Cranston rushes from object to object and becomes wilder and wilder as the object, after inspection, seems to cease to be the object he thought it was.)
Second Woman
Well, have you determined whether it is your room or not?
Cranston
It is mine. It's my room. Only, you've done something to the
furniture.
Second Man
What color are your walls?
Cranston
Blue.
First Woman
These are pink.
Cranston
You are cannibals and enchanters who want to drive me mad.
First Woman
Hush, hush. You are too excited. Alf will play something to soothe
you.
(The visitor called Alf begins playing a furious cacophony of notes.)
All
Isn't that beautiful?
First Woman
Charming.
Cranston
Stop! Stop!
First Woman
Do you persist in calling this your room?
Cranston
It's mine.
First Woman
Dear, dear man. Can't you see that it's not your room. Everything
is different, as you admit. This cannot be your apartment.
Cranston
Give it back.
First Woman
But you can stay here with us.
Second Woman
You're welcome here.
Alf
Don't trouble yourself anymore about your room.
Cranston
Live with ghosts! Eat awful meats! Never, never! You have cast an
enchantment over the place to disguise it. But, for all that, it is my
room. (pulling a pistol) You shall leave it.
First Woman
Softly, softly. Let us settle this amicably.
Second Woman
Do not be obstinate and make an uproar.
Third Woman
We don't want an uproar.
Alf
We like a peaceful, quiet night.
First Man
Without a moon.
First Woman
Now, I have a proposition to make, darling. It would be ridiculous
for us to surrender this room simply because you come here and say that
it's yours. But I feel anxious to gratify your wild assertion of
ownership. A room, after all, is not much to us. We can get one easily
enough.
Alf
We always do.
First Man
But we shouldn't give up our own place to this man.
First Woman
We are willing, however, to risk its loss. That is to say, I
propose we play for this room. If you win, we will immediately
surrender it to you. Just as it stands. If, on the contrary, you lose
you will bind yourself to depart and never molest us again.
Second woman
That's fair, isn't it?
Alf
What more could you ask?
Cranston
I agree. I agree. Anything to be rid of such unearthly company.
First Woman
I was always told I was earthy.
Second Woman
Get the dice.
Alf (handing them)
Here.
First Woman
Now, the highest wins. You go first. (holding the dice out to him)
It is your turn. But, before you throw, I repeat the offer I made you
before. Live with us. Be one of us. Come, darling, it isn't too late to
change your mind.
All
Do, do. Be with us.
Cranston (snatching the dice)
Damn you! Never. (shaking the dice and rolling them) There!
Second Man
Snake eyes!
All
Lost! Lost! Get out! You are not fit to be one of us!
(Cranston, in a daze, slowly walks towards the door, followed by the visitors, menacingly. The door closes. Wild laughter.)
BLACKOUT
When the lights go up the stage represents a corridor in the
apartment house. Cranston is pressing up against a blank wall. Brann
walks by.
Brann
Out late again?
Cranston
I can't find my room. The door used to be right here.
Brann
Strange house. Queer house.
Cranston
How can the door be gone?
Brann
I warned you.
Cranston
A door can't just go away. A room can't just go away.
Brann
I told you they can do anything. Enchanters!
Cranston
I've been coming here every night for years, trying to find my
room. I can never find it.
Brann
Better not come here again, Mr. Cranston. The tenants don't like
it. Better look somewhere else.
Cranston
Everywhere I look for it, yet I never find it. Will I ever find it?
(Cranston weeps. Brann laughs and goes out. A door closes somewhere. Footsteps.)
CURTAIN