LEANDER, FIACRE

By Thomas Gueullette

EText by Dagny
This Etext is for private use only. No republication for profit in 
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or the like is charge. Permissions should be addressed to: Frank 
Morlock, 6006 Greenbelt Rd, #312, Greenbelt, MD 20770, USA or 
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http://www.cadytech.com/dumas/personnage.asp?key=130

 
                    

                     Translated and adapted by

                     Frank J. Morlock
                     C 2003

++++++++++++++++++++++++

CHARACTERS

LEANDER, lover of Isabelle

ISABELLE, daughter of Villebrequin

CASSANDER, in love with Isabelle

VILLEBREQUIN, father of Isabelle

GILLES, Cassander's valet

++++++++++++++++++++++++

LEANDER: What! charming Isabelle, I hear you are going to marry Mr. Cassander. What about the faith you promised me? Where is the love, where is the wealth you are bringing me?

ISABELLE: Keep quiet, my dear, Leander, will you, if you don't want to prevent my establishment; for in the end I love you more than him, but he's got more means than you.

LEANDER: Mamzell, all this is well and good, but in the end it is better to please the foot of an honest man than the finger fool and an old one like he is.

ISABELLE: But, truly, my dear Leander, I really feel that one's worth more than the other one. Also, it's not idle talk that makes me take this role; it's the desire to have wherewithal; I still count on seeing you.

LEANDER: No, mamselle, I don't want you to be Madame Cassander. I intend to make your fortune myself, and it shall not be said that my tongue's been beaten by the pen.

ISABELLE: But what will my father say, charming Leander?

LEANDER: I will always have great consideration for his person, but I'll give him twenty kicks in the guts if he doesn't do what I want.

ISABELLE: You are assuredly indeed the master of doing what you please if you think it may be for the best.

LEANDER: I know that Mr. Cassander is going to come to marry you, act as if nothing was going on, and leave it to me.

ISABELLE: Yes, my dear lover, you will always do as you wish and as much as you please.

(Exit Isabelle and Leander; enter Cassander and Gilles.)

CASSANDER: At last I am coming here to get married.

GILLES: Yes, but not to be dusted up.

CASSANDER: Will you listen to me? I intend to get it over with.

GILLES: By Jove, sir, she's all done up, and you still want to marry, Mamselle Isabelle.

CASSANDER: Yes, quite assuredly.

GILLES: I don't say anything about her, but the daughters of these parts are so wise that they learn nothing new on their wedding nights.

CASSANDER: Oh, we know that, but there are daughters and daughters.

GILLES: Yes, sir, there are big ones and small types; but sir, do you want to know which come everywhere?

CASSANDER: Yeah, I am always very easy to learn something.

GILLES: Sir, it's horns, for there's no place on earth that doesn't produce cuckolds.

CASSANDER: Really, this is just the time for me to consider this subject.

GILLES: If you like, I will impose silence on my words; but also would you like for me to wait until you've made your voyage to Horn Country, and they call you Mr. Antler?

CASSANDER: That misfortune cannot occur; Isabelle is beautiful, she is wise, and she's the daughter of my good friend Villebrequin.

GILLES: Yes, she is beautiful, but a man who has a beautiful wife, all the world is his cousin.

CASSANDER: Well, so much the better, they will do me more honor.

GILLES: But by Jove, don't you know that a fine goat, a fine mule, and a fine woman are three bad animals?

CASSANDER: Finally, I ask your advice, but that's not to contradict me.

GILLES: Sir, since that's the way you take it, I wash my hands of you, kiss my ass.

CASSANDER: All this is very well; go tell my colleague Villebrequin, that I am awaiting him here to pay him a visit as honesty prescribes.

GILLES: I'm agoin, but by Jove, by the tits of my ass, you are making a big mistake. (noticing Villebrequin) Hey, hey, hey, Mr. Villebrequin.

(Enter Villebrequin.)

GILLES: (to Villebrequin) Here's Mr. Cassander coming to pay you his compliment and to give a trousseau to Mamselle Isabelle.

VILLEBREQUIN: Ah! hello, my colleague and my good friend.

CASSANDER: You see me fresh, sporty, and disposed and I have come to conclude the little business of which we spoke.

VILLEBREQUIN: And when do you want to do it?

CASSANDER: Right away.

VILLEBREQUIN: I consent to it. Isabelle, hola, ho, Isabelle.

ISABELLE: (entering) What is it, father? What are the orders you are giving me?

CASSANDER: How well brought up she is! What modesty!

VILLEBREQUIN: Greet my good friend Mr. Cassander, he's coming to take you for a wife.

ISABELLE: Ah, my dear papa, I can never do that.

GILLES: By Jove, it's more like him who can't do it.

CASSANDER: Miss, you see before you a man who wishes he had all the gold in the world to lay at your feet, and to deserve your consent.

ISABELLE: Sir, all that my dear father orders, I always do.

CASSANDER: You charm me. (to Villebrequin) Let's get on with it, my father-in-law.

GILLES: Mr. Villebrequin is no longer your colleague, you will see that it's miss.

CASSANDER: Yes, I assure you that she is to me all she can be for me.

VILLEBREQUIN: Here, my daughter, here's my purse; go purchase all you need, take a coach to get it over with sooner. (to Cassander) You will see everything she buys.

CASSANDER: Would you like to take my purse, too?

VILLEBREQUIN: No, leave it alone, you are making fun of me. She has sufficient wherewithal; I am giving her more than fifteen francs. You will see, you will see, I tell you, let her do it.

ISABELLE: Yes, my dear father, I am on my way, don't be impatient.

(Exit Isabelle.)

CASSANDER: Truthfully, your Isabelle is a charming person.

VILLEBREQUIN: It is true, she's a creature who is very good, all our neighbors point to her as an example.

GILLES: (aside) And all our neighbors give their point to her.

VILLEBREQUIN: Never any rumors about her; she's complaisance itself.

GILLES: (aside) Yes, when she gets what she wants.

CASSANDER: What an agreeable and joyous life I'm going to live.

GILLES: (aside) Like a stag.

CASSANDER: Will you shut up, insolent? By my soul, if I heard what you said, I think I will beat you.

VILLEBREQUIN: (to Gilles) Get out of here, my friend, go see if the coach has returned, and come inform us.

CASSANDER: Go, I beg you, for I'm burning with impatience to see her.

GILLES: (going and making horns) I still take you for witness that it's not my fault if you commit a folly.

CASSANDER: Very assuredly I will beat you if you don't obey me and if you say any more.

(Exit Gilles.)

CASSANDER: I ask you to excuse my servant, he's witty, but he doesn't always know what he's saying.

VILLEBREQUIN: Oh! you are joking, that sort of people cannot have any good discourse, nor as much wit as we have — In the end, you are quite satisfied with my charming Isabelle?

CASSANDER: You cannot have more joy in your heart than you have given me, my dear father-in-law.

(Reenter Gilles).

GILLES: Sir, sir.

CASSANDER: Well?

GILLES: The coach is at the door.

VILLEBREQUIN: Let's go to greet my daughter.

GILLES: Sir, I don't think that will be necessary for you or for her.

VILLEBREQUIN: And why's that?

GILLES: Listen to me carefully.

CASSANDER: What's he going to tell us?

GILLES: The carriage is really at the gate as I just told you; the carriage windows are shut, the carriage runs properly, but the horses aren't moving.

VILLEBREQUIN: What? What's all this mean?

CASSANDER: This seems incomprehensible to me.

GILLES: Oh, as for me, I comprehend it very well.

CASSANDER: Speak promptly.

GILLES: By the face of my behind, I think they are making out in the carriage.

CASSANDER: What?

GILLES: By Jove, yes. Equestrian maneuvers are being performed without spurs, and the squires have need of only a ring of six or seven inches long.

VILLEBREQUIN: I begin to understand what he means but I cannot believe it. I am going to see what this is all about. Wait for me here.

(Exit Gilles and Villebrequin.)

CASSANDER: (alone) All this is beginning to place me with so much in my head as to make me worry. Could Gilles be right? Why, no, a person as well brought up, as modest as Miss Isabelle, the daughter of colleague Villebrequin — Oh, no, it's not possible.

(Enter Villebrequin, Cassander, Isabelle, Gilles, Leander as coachman.)

VILLEBREQUIN: Here she is; I am bringing her to you.

GILLES: By Jove, he made 'em both get out of the carriage.

CASSANDER: Who?

GILLES: By Jove, the coachman and your mistress.

ISABELLE: I was talking with him; I was doing my shopping.

VILLEBREQUIN: That is true; they were both in the carriage. (to coachman) But my friend, what more do you want? Weren't you satisfied?

LEANDER: No, by Jove, I am not; I want more; I want to have all that's coming to me.

(He cracks his whip. Lazzi of fear by Gilles and the others.)

LEANDER: And the first one who wavers, I will break my whip on his body.

GILLES: Holy shit!

CASSANDER: Jerusalem!

VILLEBREQUIN: Daughter, give him all he is asking, and let him leave us in peace.

ISABELLE: My dear papa. I gave him as much as he wanted, it's not my fault, I assure you of it, if he still wants more.

LEANDER: No, sir, I don't have enough of it. I am not such as I appear before your eyes. I borrowed the carriage from one of my friends, to prove to the charming Isabelle how much passion I have for her. I am Mr. Leander.

VILLEBREQUIN: Sir, you are quite the master.

CASSANDER: Sir, I am leaving all my rights to you.

GILLES: By Jove, you are not leaving much.

LEANDER: Come on, let's profit from a disguise which caused me to obtain you from your relatives.

VILLEBREQUIN: Let's go proclaim the engagement. Will you come with us, my colleague?

CASSANDER: For the time being, I am very much obliged to you.

(Exit all but Cassander and Gilles.)

GILLES: By Jove, sir, I was really right. This is not my fault.

CASSANDER: Shut up, you feel I'm old and beaten.

GILLES: And you make me feel like an old cuckold.

CASSANDER: Oh, as to that, if I weren't afraid of breaking my stick—

GILLES: Give it to me, give it to me, I'm only afraid of blows from your head — 'cause it is too well armed —

CASSANDER: (trying to beat Gilles) Now this is for you —

(Gilles flees and Cassander runs after him.)

CURTAIN