Etext by Dagny
This Etext is for private use only. No republication for profit in print or other media may be made without the express consent of the Copyright Holder. The Copyright Holder is especially concerned about performance rights in any media on stage, cinema, or television, or audio or any other media, including readings for which an entrance fee or the like is charge. Permissions should be addressed to: Frank Morlock, 6006 Greenbelt Rd, #312, Greenbelt, MD 20770, USA or frankmorlock@msn.com. Other works by this author may be found at http://www.cadytech.com/dumas/personnage.asp?key=130
Translated and adapted by
FRANK J. MORLOCK
C 2003
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CHARACTERS
LE ROND, widower. Dressed in gown with gold buttons, wig in a bonnet.
DE SAINT MAUR. Dressed in gold with gold buttons, hunting knife, blonde wig, cane and hat.
MISS DE L'EPINE, niece of Saint Maur. Striped dress, black silk mantilla, bonnet with butterflies.
DAME FRANCOISE, governess of Mr. Le Rond. Brown Indian dress, large bonnet and kitchen apron.
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The action takes place at Vitry, near Paris in Le Rond's home.
SAINT MAUR: (entering) This apparently is the room?
LE ROND: Yes, isn't it nice?
SAINT MAUR: Very nice, very nice.
LE ROND: My bedroom is right on the garden, an office, and all that I need. It's a bit small, but I stay here all day, and in the country —
SAINT MAUR: Your house is very nice, I assure you.
LE ROND: We have very nice company in this village, and I spend six months of the year here. I have seven little apartments to rent which are not bad. Would you like to see them?
SAINT MAUR: No, I don't have the time.
LE ROND: For a man who is a widower, you don't need any more, right?
SAINT MAUR: There are lots of folks who would like to have half as much.
LE ROND: You must come spend some time like this with me, and bring your niece.
SAINT MAUR: That's exactly what I am coming to propose to you.
LE ROND: Honestly? Now that's the act of a good friend. And when will you come?
SAINT MAUR: Today.
LE ROND: You are joking?
SAINT MAUR: No, truly; we are coming to dine with Madame de La Rue; I left my niece there to come make this proposal to you.
LE ROND: You must come to dine here right away.
SAINT MAUR: I didn't want to come to establish myself here suddenly as if that were my only purpose — without warning you.
LE ROND: Now there's a pretty manner for a friend of twenty-five years; for it was twenty-five years ago that we were together at the procurer's.
SAINT MAUR: It was twenty-eight, my friend.
LE ROND: As much as that?
SAINT MAUR: Yes, truly.
LE ROND: Listen then, I think that you are right, for I got married nine years later; I kept my wife for eleven years, and it is eight years since she died. How time passes!
SAINT MAUR: What does it matter, since one is in good health?
LE ROND: As you say, that's the main thing. Ah, indeed, I'm going to take my cane and my hat, to go find Miss de L'Epine.
SAINT MAUR: Needless ceremony! She is at whist, I will bring her to you; go about your business.
LE ROND: You don't want — ?
SAINT MAUR: No, no.
LE ROND: But, it would be more fitting.
SAINT MAUR: Do you want to have manners with us?
LE ROND: You know quite well I never do that.
SAINT MAUR: Then relax.
LE ROND: Go on, since you wish it; I will remain here to give orders to Dame Francoise, so your niece will be comfortable.
SAINT MAUR: She will be since she is at your place. I'm going to get her.
LE ROND: Go, go, I'm waiting for you.
SAINT MAUR: Good day, my friend.
LE ROND: You are really pleasing me. Goodbye.
(Exit Saint Maur.)
LE ROND: (calling) Dame Francoise, Dame Francoise!
DAME FRANCOISE: (entering with a house gown) Well, I'm coming, I'm coming; no need to shout so loud.
LE ROND: I didn't know if you were nearby.
DAME FRANCOISE: Oh! you always believe that no one is thinking about you. So, would you like to put on your house gown now?
LE ROND: No, not yet; put it on that chair.
DAME FRANCOISE: Why that one?
LE ROND: Because — Where is Saint Louis?
DAME FRANCOISE: You know perfectly well that you sent him to Paris.
LE ROND: Ah! That's true.
DAME FRANCOISE: Why aren't you putting on your house gown today, you who love to be comfortable so much?
LE ROND: Because company is coming.
DAME FRANCOISE: Company, company! It costs you nothing to invite people. Is it for supper? I haven't got anything.
LE ROND: Then you must find something, because it is not for one day. That window in the yellow room—has it been fixed?
DAME FRANCOISE: Eh, my God, no.
LE ROND: You must send for the glazier.
DAME FRANCOISE: Saint Louis will go when he returns. Who is it coming to stay here?
LE ROND: Mr. Saint Maur, and —
DAME FRANCOISE: Ah! Mr. Saint-Maur, right.
LE ROND: And his niece.
DAME FRANCOISE: Miss de L'Epine?
LE ROND: Yes.
DAME FRANCOISE: What are you planning to do that for? She's a blunt little shrew, very disdainful, very proud, very snappish.
LE ROND: Now that's the way you are: you always say bad things about folks you don't know. What has she done to you?
DAME FRANCOISE: To me? Oh, nothing; I've never spoken to her and I never will.
LE ROND: There you go with your prejudices.
DAME FRANCOISE: My prejudices? And if this was a young lady like any other, would she have gotten to be thirty years old without being married? As for me, I was married at nineteen; but also, it's because I don't make sugar the way she does.
LE ROND: Come on, don't say things like that.
DAME FRANCOISE: Oh! It's no use my saying it, you will see plainly enough. It seems she doesn't like men, and she thinks they're all in love with her; but I say nothing, it is no business of mine.
LE ROND: And who is it you've heard these stories from?
DAME FRANCOISE: Stories? By Jove, ask Saint Louis; he will tell you if they are stories.
LE ROND: Saint Louis?
DAME FRANCOISE: Yes, he served Mr. Saint Maur.
LE ROND: I know that well enough.
DAME FRANCOISE: He only left him because of the pretty lady.
LE ROND: You believe that?
DAME FRANCOISE: Eh, by Jove! ask him about it; he will tell you that one day she complained to Mr. Saint Maur that Saint Louis was in love with her because he looked at her when she spoke to him. It was vain for Mr. Saint Maur to tell her she was mistaken because the poor lad is squint eyed; she refused to believe it.
LE ROND: Come, come —
DAME FRANCOISE: And she made him leave.
LE ROND: Still, prepare the red room and the yellow room for them.
DAME FRANCOISE: Oh, Saint Louis will fix them up when he returns; as for me, I must think of my supper.
LE ROND: Get going then, for I think that I hear them.
DAME FRANCOISE: Ah! I don't wish to so much as see her.
(Dame Francoise leaves.)
LE ROND: Servants are funny folks! They see every way amiss, the poor unfortunates!
SAINT MAUR: Is Mr. Le Rond there?
LE ROND: (going to the door) Yes, yes, come in.
SAINT MAUR: Here, my friend, here's Miss de L'Epine, my niece who is charmed you wanted to receive her.
MISS DE L'EPINE: (making a great curtsy) Sir, it is indeed an honor for me.
LE ROND: You are making fun of me, miss; you are the niece of my friend, and were you not, a person of your worth is sure always to give great pleasure. I saw you when you were quite small, miss. (he wishes to kiss her) Will you allow me?
MISS DE L'EPINE: (recoiling) What, sir!
SAINT MAUR: She is a bit scrupulous. Come, come, hug my friend Le Rond.
MISS DE L'EPINE: But —
LE ROND: We must make each other's acquaintance
(Kissing her.)
MISS DE L'EPINE: (wiping her face) But in truth, sir —
SAINT MAUR: What's the matter with you, niece?
MISS DE L'EPINE: It's that the gentleman spit some tobacco in my ear.
LE ROND: Right! I didn't kiss her ear.
SAINT MAUR: That doesn't amount to anything.
LE ROND: We must do everything better. Once we know each other better, you will see, I am without manners.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Sir, there are some things that modesty does not permit.
LE ROND: If no harm is meant, I think one mustn't be formal.
SAINT MAUR: No, no, it's because she doesn't know the way you are.
LE ROND: Miss will see that I don't hide anything; what would be the use of that? I love frankness.
SAINT MAUR: He's right.
LE ROND: I won't show you to your room because it hasn't been prepared; but I hope you will be satisfied with it.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Sir, all this appears to me very proper, it's the first thing one ought to desire, and when one finds it, one is always satisfied.
LE ROND: Listen, there's still one thing, and that is that the beds are good, and to be sure of it, I've begun sleeping in all my beds to try them out.
MISS DE L'EPINE: What, in the one I will sleep in?
LE ROND: Yes, miss, and it's the best in the house.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Why, sir, if one plans a lodging for women, men must never sleep there.
LE ROND: Fine! And what's that do?
SAINT MAUR: Let her talk. I am going to return to Madame La Rue's, to whom I forgot to mention something.
LA ROND: Go, go, later we will stroll in my garden; I will make you see all the fruits I have this year.
SAINT MAUR: I will return right away.
(Exit Saint Maur.)
LE ROND: Well, miss, you aren't sitting down?
MISS DE L'EPINE: Pardon me.
LE ROND: Then where would you like to sit? Sit on the couch.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Effectively, face to face with a man, that would be decent!
LE ROND: Why not.
(He wants to make her sit on the couch.)
MISS DE L'EPINE: Why cut it out, sir, truly, these manners do not suit me at all.
LE ROND: Come, come, enough manners! (he makes her sit) Aren't you more comfortable there than in an armchair? I want you to be comfortable in my home.
MISS DE L'EPINE: But, if someone were to come, truly —
LE ROND: Well, see the great harm! But no one will come. Oh, when I have women in my home, they must do all that I want already.
MISS DE L'EPINE: All that you want?
LE ROND: Yes, I want them to be comfortable, so they don't get inconvenienced.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Still, there are some things that are not honest.
LE ROND: Fine, not honest! As for me, I no longer put myself out, not any more.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Still I hope — (Mr. Le Rond wants to sit on the couch) What are you going to do?
LE ROND: To sit beside you.
MISS DE L'EPINE: No indeed, if you please, or I am going to go away.
LE ROND: Come on, you are acting like a child. (taking her hand) Listen to me, I have a favor to ask of you.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Release my hand.
LE ROND: After you have promised me.
MISS DE L'EPINE: I am promising you nothing.
(She withdraws her hand.)
LA ROND: Just one little moment.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Move away from there; then I will listen to you.
LE ROND: Right! here, this is what I want to say to you. During her life, the deceased, always sat where you are, after dinner; I loved her a great deal; I never argued with her; I ask the same thing of you.
MISS DE L'EPINE: What things?
LE ROND: That you grant me the freedoms of marriage.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Why, sir, what are you thinking of? Where has my uncle brought me? (she wants to rise)
LE ROND: A moment more; once you know me, you won't get angry like that.
MISS DE L'EPINE: I will always get angry.
LE ROND: Truly, I thought you more reasonable.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Sir, you don't know whom you are dealing with.
LE ROND: But listen to me, your virtue is getting flurried for nothing.
MISS DE L'EPINE: What do you mean for nothing?
LE ROND: Yes, I've had women here and they have never refused me, what I am asking of you.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Nice to know who those women were.
LE ROND: Very honest ladies, very gay, and they didn't take things so close.
MISS DE L'EPINE: They were women who liked men apparently.
LE ROND: Surely, why not? By the way, they say that you pride yourself on hating them.
MISS DE L'EPINE: But if they act like you, I think I am right.
LE ROND: Ah, miss, that's not honest, what you just said; but I want you to love me.
MISS DE L'EPINE: That will be very difficult.
LE ROND: We are going to spend a little time together; if it were only for two or three days I wouldn't press you to grant me what I am asking of you and I would constrain myself; but I hope that we will make such an intimate acquaintance that in the end you won't refuse me forever.
MISS DE L'EPINE: I reply to you, sir, that I won't remain here any longer, or at least alone with you.
LE ROND: Where will you go? To your room? When one is in the home of his friends, you must live with them.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Yes, with friends, but decently at least.
LE ROND: Why is it not decent with an uncle as well as another?
MISS DE L'EPINE: What do you mean? with an uncle?
LE ROND: No question, and I bet that Saint Maur wouldn't be angry.
MISS DE L'EPINE: You have a nice idea of him and me!
LE ROND: Why, all uncles are the same with their nieces I think.
MISS DE L'EPINE: Sir, if one respects women one doesn't even think of it.
LE ROND: It's because I respect you that I asked you seriously for that permission, for with the others when I said to them: “Ladies, you will allow me the liberties of marriage?” they laughed like mad women, and made no more difficulty than that. I tell you, if you would, it will soon be done.
(Dame Francoise enters.)
LE ROND: What's wrong, Dame Francoise?
DAME FRANCOISE: Sir, it's the glazier who came by here; I called him and he finished it.
LE ROND: That's good; pay him with the rest.
DAME FRANCOISE: Why, sir, are you remaining here like this today?
LE ROND: Yes, I asked miss's permission and she doesn't wish it.
DAME FRANCOISE: I told you so.
MISS DE L'EPINE: What is it you mean, my good woman?
DAME FRANCOIS: I say, miss, that if I were the gentleman, I would make fun of your permission and I would do what I like.
MISS DE L'EPINE: You are giving him nice advice.
DAME FRANCOISE: My God, Miss, there's no need to give oneself airs, I love my master, and I know very well what he needs, I warned him this would happen.
MISS DE L'EPINE: I am really delighted at least that you knew.
DAME FRANCOISE: As for me, I don't care about it at all.
MISS DE L'EPINE: (furious) You are an impertinent! (she gets up)
(Saint Maur enters.)
SAINT MAUR: Well, niece, what's this anger all about? What's the matter with you?
MISS DE L'EPINE: Uncle, I want to leave this house right away.
SAINT MAUR: My friend, what's all this mean?
LE ROND: As for me, I don't understand it.
DAME FRANCOISE: Come on, you are too good, you are. I am going to explain this to Mr. Saint Maur.
MISS DE L'EPINE: This gentleman insists on taking liberties with me.
SAINT MAUR: Me?
DAME FRANCOISE: Yes, well, where would the wrong be with a niece? It would be right, and if I had an uncle, I wouldn't want him to be annoyed with me.
SAINT MAUR: Explain to me, then —
DAME FRANCOISE: Here, Mr. Saint Maur, Mr. Le Rond always puts on his gown when he's at home, and there is his that I brought a while ago; he didn't want to put it on, because he told me that he had company coming; as for me I know that annoys him.
SAINT MAUR: Well?
LE ROND: Well, that's all; she said the truth.
MISS DE L'EPINE: No, that's not it.
LE ROND: Pardon me, miss; I asked you for the freedoms of marriage?
SAINT MAUR: (laughing) The freedoms of marriage?
LE ROND: Yes.
MISS DE L'EPINE: You see plainly what he covets.
LE ROND: By Jove, no question about it.
SAINT MAUR: What is it you meant?
.LE ROND: Eh! That she allow me to make myself comfortable, in my chamber gown. It seems to me it is said like that.
SAINT MAUR: Not always.
LE ROND: As for me, that's my manner.
MISS DE L'EPINE: What, that's what you meant?
LE ROND: Yes, miss; what did you understand?
MISS DE L'EPINE: Nothing, sir.
DAME FRANCOISE: One doesn't get angry for nothing.
LE ROND: Say what you understood.
SAINT MAUR: Let's go — let's go see your garden.
LE ROND: I'd really like to in that suit, miss.
DAME FRANCOISE: Yes, but put on your gown anyway, and laugh at what they say.
LE ROND: No, I don't want to do that.
SAINT MAUR: Come on, don't be ceremonious.
(He leaves with Miss de L'Epine.)
LE ROND: Since you wish it.
DAME FRANCOISE: (giving him the gown) You see I was right to tell you she is a shrew — We were really having a nice affair here! But you never get things into your head, despite all I tell you.
SAINT MAUR: (outside) Well, are you coming?
LE ROND: Yes, yes, here I come.
(They go out.)
CURTAIN