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Etext by Dagny
CHARACTERS:
Dobbs, a police Corporal
Dillon, a police officer
Larry Chambers, a police Sergeant, about thirty years old
Jack Dalton, the Sheriff, about thirty-five years old
Mitch Powell, an unemployed waiter
Vonda, about twenty-five years old
The scene takes place in the office of the Sheriff in Atkinsville, a mid-sized American town somewhere in the heartland of middle America.
The stage is empty when the curtain rises. We are in the office of Sheriff Jack Dalton. On the walls are posters for missing persons and criminals and duty rosters. The office contains a desk, several chairs and a rather fancy couch. After a moment Corporal Dobbs and Dillon pass through. It is late at night.
Dobbs
Sheriff Dalton must still be at the theatre.
Dillon
He surely likes to see the plays. Never cared for that much myself.
Too high-brow. I like the movies.
Dobbs
I think the Sheriff likes one of the actresses.
Dillon
Now, don't you be spreadin' scandal.
Dobbs
I ain't spreadin' no scandal. You put up with too much shit from
him.
Dillon
What're you talkin' about?
Dobbs
You like to kiss his ass.
Dillon
You're just runnin' your mouth again.
Dobbs
You know what I'm talkin' about. You should stand up to him more.
Dillon
Leave me alone, Dobbs.
(Enter Sergeant Chambers.)
Dobbs
Evening, Sergeant.
Chambers
Hadn't you boys better get back on patrol?
Dobbs (fawningly)
We was just on our way, Sarge. Things been quiet though.
Dillon (to Dobbs, on their way out)
Why don't you stand up to him more?
(Exit Dobbs and Dillon. They greet Sheriff Jack Dalton who comes in
jauntily and tosses his hat on his desk.)
Dalton
Evening, Larry.
Chambers
Evening, sir. Did you like the play?
Dalton
Oh, it was almost too hot to enjoy it. Rotten weather. Anything
new?
Chambers
Nothing, sir.
Dalton
You sure?
Chambers
Oh, the reporters came for information.
Dalton
Over the Tucker business? (Chambers nods) I hope you were nice to
them.
Chambers
Disgustingly nice, Sheriff.
Dalton
And that's all?
Chambers
Some drunks, as usual, on a Friday night. A couple of brawls, a
couple of thefts, and that's that. Nobody hurt.
Dalton
That's good.
Chambers
Nothing happening in Atkinsville. Never is, for that matter.
Dalton
Wonderful. Maybe I'll be reelected.
Chambers
At the moment, Atkinsville is reposing in perfect tranquility.
Dalton
Superficial tranquility, Sergeant. There are volcanoes grumbling in
their depts. Nobody came to ask for me?
Chambers
Nobody. Was it a success?
Dalton
What?
Chambers
The new play.
Dalton
Huh! Big house—very big house. Some pretty women—lots of them.
Same as always.
Chambers
Ah, the theatre.
Dalton
Bah, very deceiving, the theatre.. Most plays drag, tiring,
repetitious situations, banalities—never raise any social problems.
Shit.
Chambers
Hell, we deal with social problems here, Sheriff, on a daily basis.
Dalton
We're married to them, you could say. All you see on the stage is
love affairs. Take me, I'm yours. Adultery, whatever you wish. Reform,
ideas never—
Chambers
The theatre doesn't think.
Dalton
No, it's a fact. It's because the theatre caters to women. God,
that's the reason—no need for further explanation.
Chambers
Right.
Dalton
Almost midnight. You know, I don't need you on a quiet night like
this. Go on home. Take off. I've some work.
Chambers
That's very kind of you, sir. (hesitating) Sir, by the way, have
you heard anything about my article?
Dalton
Your article? Right, I forgot. I saw the publisher of the Sentinel
the other day—
Chambers
Well, uh?
Dalton
Well, it seems it won't do. Too heavy, your article. Too heavy.
What they want is something light—witty.
Chambers
But it's a serious study of crime based on actual cases in our
files.
Dalton
What can I say? I told them that. It's not my idea.
Chambers (very disappointed)
Thanks all the same, Jack. And people complain about the press!
Decadence.
Dalton
Everything's decadent, Larry, the press, the theatre, the public,
the police, too. Especially big city police—not here in good ol'
Atkinsville, population thirty thousand,. We live in an epoch of
decadence. What do you want? We're not going to be born again, you
know. Good night.
Chambers
It's all the same to me. But it's sad—very sad. (dejected) Good
night, sir.
(Sergeant Chambers goes out. The Sheriff works, whistles, looks at
the clock impatiently, as if he is waiting for something to happen.)
Dalton
Should be here by now. (working some more) Any time now. (works
some more) C'mon, dammit.
(Noise of a scuffle outside, a woman cursing. Dalton adjusts his
tie, smiles delightedly, then resumes his work with a satisfied air.
Enter the two deputies, dragging in Vonda. Vonda is a good-looking
woman, heavily made-up, in a short skirt, flashy colors—in short, a
typical hooker.)
Vonda
Pigs, brutes—bastards! Haven't you any shame? To treat a woman
like this? Let me go! Sons of bitches!
Dalton
What is it, what is it? What? You again?
Dobbs
Yes, Sheriff, this woman again. Parading her ass right up and down
in front of Police Headquarters.
Dalton
In front of Police Headquarters, why—
Vonda
It's not true! You're a bunch of savages.
Dalton
Shut up! What's got into you? At this time of night—and in that
skirt? This is about the twentieth time you've been brought in here,
isn't it?
Dobbs (to Vonda)
You'd be wise to keep your mouth shut.
Dillon
More, Sheriff. The thirtieth, at least.
Vonda
That's true.
Sheriff
So, this is the way you take advantage of my good nature, my
weakness?
Vonda
Let me go—you're hurting me. At least you could give me a smoke.
Dobbs (a raucous laugh)
Ha, ha—the sweet little thing.
Dillon (leering)
Come on, honey pie, you and me will go play in the cell.
Vonda
You are both pigs. Pigs!
Sheriff
Shut up! Don't complicate your case. It's serious enough as it is.
Vonda
But, Sheriff, it's not my fault. These are savages.
Dalton
Shut up! (to the deputies)
Leave me along with her.
Dillon
Ah, Sheriff, she's just a slut.
Dobbs
And she's a real hellion, too. Might be dangerous.
Dalton
I'm not afraid. (to Vonda) I am going to deal with you once and for
all. In front of Police Headquarters. You think I'm going to let you
get away with that?
Vonda
I was just notching up my stocking.
Dillon
Every couple of minutes.
(Dillon imitates Vonda pulling up her skirt and notching up her
stocking.)
Vonda (hotly)
It kept falling down.
Sheriff
Resisting arrest and indecent behavior and soliciting police
officers.
Vonda
I was not soliciting these pigs.
Sheriff (to deputies)
She won't talk sensibly while you're around. You'd better go. (to
Vonda) No resisting—understand?
Vonda
But, Mr. Sheriff—
(The deputies reluctantly go out.)
Sheriff
Enough. What's your name? What's your name? Answer!
(The voices of the departing deputies fade slowly away. Vonda and
the Sheriff look at each other and then break out in guffaws of
laughter. Vonda throws herself onto his lap. They kiss voraciously.)
Vonda
Ah, my sweetheart, my sweetheart, my darling.
Dalton
She's always funny. Always a great actress. A riot! Good evening,
my happy hooker. (gives her his hat) Your hat.
Vonda (putting on his hat, then mimicking him)
Shut up! What's your name? (kissing him) You are terrifying, aren't
you?
(Dalton gets down on his knees and rocks in front of her.)
Vonda
No, no, don't do that.
Dalton
Come to mommy, come to mommy.
Vonda
No, no. They shook me up enough already.
Dalton
Poor little thing.
Vonda
And now, you know, I'm sure I've got black and blue marks all over
my body.
Dalton (lewdly)
We'll see about that. (trying to undress her, but she evades him)
Well, what's the matter?
Vonda
No, no. I've been manhandled enough, thank you. (she straightens
herself up, rubs her arms and legs) Your deputies really worked me
over, those brutes! They'd like to rape me. You'll see someday, they'll
break something. And you call this love, do you?
Dalton
Love? Why, yes, ducky—romantic love—love for our time. It brings
to mind balconies and rope ladders—pimps and ruffians—all in the
moonlight. In this century, where we have no adventures, where life is
so tepid, so flat. I find this delightful, unexpected,—Shakespearean.
Vonda
What do you call it?
Dalton
I say it's Shakespearean.
Vonda
Police terminology. Really—
(Vonda becomes thoughtful, then sad.)
Dalton
Ravishing, ingenious little Vonda. What's the matter, baby?
Vonda
Nothing's wrong.
Dalton
Something ain't right. Come on.
Vonda
I—this isn't my idea of love.
Dalton
What's wrong with it?
Vonda
To dress up and act like a hooker, to get pushed around by those
animals you call deputies. They make my flesh crawl.
Dalton
But, it's exciting, isn't it?
Vonda
Yes, it's exciting. I was amused at first. Now, well now, yes, it
degrades me. (grimacing) It humiliates me. Pretty soon I'll have to
spend a night in the slammer with some real hookers. So as to make it
more romantic.
Dalton
It's a thought.
Vonda
Then, it will be with your deputies taking turns screwing me.
Right? That would be Shakespearean. A gang bang.
Dalton (liking the idea)
You exaggerate.
Vonda
So, that's it. I've had enough.
Dalton
You don't have any imagination, baby, that's why—no poetry. No
love of the unusual. You're just not passionate.
Vonda
Me, not passionate? (outraged and hurt) Ah, honey, you remember.
Dalton
Yes, yes. I remember very well, sweetie. What I mean is you lack
cerebral passion. You've got it together physically, God knows, a
little fire pot. But you want regular love, clockwork romance. My God!
Me, I want something unusual, the French Foreign Legion, struggle,
danger, Romeo, Bogart—
Vonda (laughing)
Oh, you—
Dalton
Now, show me how you notched up your stocking.
Vonda (coyly)
Why, like this, honey. (she demonstrates in slow motion)
Dalton
I love it, I love it. I'll bet Dobbs wet his pants.
Vonda
They both looked like they were going to jump out of their skin.
They kinda scare me, honey.
Dalton
Did they really hurt you?
Vonda
Did they ever.
Dalton (wildly)
And did you fight back?
Vonda
I kicked one of 'em in the balls, and scratched the other one.
Dalton (passionately excited)
Come on, come here, come here. (pulling her to the couch) Daddy's
best girl. Are you wearing any panties tonight? I go crazy when you
don't wear any panties.
Vonda
Find out for yourself. (after a weak resistance, allowing herself
to be pulled down on the couch) Ok, ok. But listen, sweetheart, we've
got to find a better way to see each other. You ought to have a better,
a safer way. You, the Sheriff.
Dalton
There isn't any better way. This is the only way which satisfies my
taste for adventure—and at the same time affords me maximum security.
I need security, you know. Not for me, but for my function. The Sheriff
must be respected. I've got to set an example to the community. What do
you expect? Besides, my wife is getting more and more jealous. She's
watching me, spying on me, following me—all the time. I saw her face
in a cab the other night when I was at the scene of a crime. Terrible.
This is the only place I'm safe. In my office. She's capable of
anything, anything, my wife.
Vonda
Your wife! Your wife! (looking at him closely) Wait a minute.
Where've you been so late?
Dalton
The theatre.
Vonda
The theatre? Your wife? (crying) You don't love me.
Dalton (puzzled)
Why? Why don't I love you?
Vonda
No—you don't.
Dalton
But I adore you. Give me your lips.
Vonda
Oh, sure! You always want that! (turning her back on him)
Dalton (rapturously)
Your lips, your lips. I don't love you? But, if I didn't luv yuh,
honey, why would I make you dress up like a hooker and expose you to
the insults of my deputies, to worse, perhaps. Think a bit,
unemotionally, coolly. These sacrifices ennoble the soul, purify the
soul, they're sublime tests of love. A man doesn't impose tests like
that on a woman he doesn't love—passionately.
Vonda (impressed, but not really following his thinking)
You say so!
Dalton
Yes, I say so! Me, Jack Dalton, the Sheriff of this little
one-horse town known as Atkinsville. Have you read de Sade? Have you
read Genet? I say so because it is true. Drunkenness in humiliation.
Pleasure in suffering. Suffering in pleasure.
Vonda
Lies!
Dalton
Whaddaya mean lies? Psychological truth. Psychological and
Christian, honey. What bothers me, what bothers me about you, honey, is
that I have to explain all this to you. Other women, women who have
read de Sade, they know this, they understand right away.
Vonda
Other women! (menacingly) What other women?
Dalton
I thought that would wake you up. Just getting a rise out of you,
baby. Don't worry, I love you.
Vonda
You love me, perhaps, but you don't respect me. (Dalton makes
protesting signs) No, you don't respect me. You want me to be a hooker.
You don't respect me enough.
Dalton
Really, that's a little too much. You're crazy. See how unfeeling
and unjust women are.
Vonda
No, no. (Dalton tries to kiss her) No, I came here to see my
lover— like I was a criminal being dragged off to jail.
Dalton
Right. That's what's so exciting.
Vonda
Oh, for sure.
Dalton
Exciting, Shakespearean! I've passed you off before my deputies for
a streetwalker, you, my adorable mistress. And, I don't respect you?
Talk sense.
Vonda
Jack!
Dalton
No, you see, it's discouraging and it's unworthy. But, my God! And
who has ever shown you more respect than me? Me, with my elegant
manners! Have I ever offered to pay you for your love?
Vonda
Of course not.
Dalton
Have I ever given you a penny—a single penny?
Vonda
That's true, but—
Dalton
Well, have I? There— (triumphantly) You see!
Vonda
Yes, but that's not the question.
Dalton
What—whaddaya mean, that's not the question? Of course, that's
precisely the question.
Vonda
Say what you want. As for me, it infuriates me to be treated like
this. I have some modesty. I assure you it takes away my pleasure. Why
can't you come to me at my place?
Dalton
Impossible.
Vonda (coaxingly)
It's real nice at my place. I keep it real clean. And it doesn't
smell like tobacco like this place, and I don't know what! Everything's
under control—I'm a good housekeeper. Won't you—just once?
Dalton
Impossible.
Vonda
My mom will make us a nice dinner.
Dalton
No, no.
Vonda
Really. There's nothing to eat here. Come home with me—say you
will.
Dalton
And my wife? Have you thought of that? If my wife found us
together! Consider my wife's position. It would be a gross breach of
trust in my marriage, and in my public life. What a situation.
Vonda (caressingly)
What? It would be funny, exciting—then, you could love me with a
sense of real danger. It would be Shak—Shake—how do you say it?
Dalton
No, no—no more of this nonsense. This is madness. We're safer
here. (grabbing her) Here, everything is under control—ha, ha.
Vonda
Let me go, leave me alone, you don't deserve any—
Jack What, me—me, with my cerebral passions—passionate, perverted?
All right, perverted, I admit it. When you arrive with your clothes
pulled loose, ruffled, torn, violated, struggling like a little bird in
the big paws of my brave deputies—what do you want? It puts me in a
rare mood. It makes my blood pound. (embracing her again)
Vonda
You disgust me. You're an egoist—a dirty old man. And don't give
me any more shit. And, as for your wife—I don't give a damn about your
wife! Are you really married? How am I to believe you?
Dalton (coaxingly)
Vonda!
Vonda
If you're married, where's her picture? All married men have their
wife's pictures in their office.
Dalton
My wife doesn't like the way she photographs, that's all.
Vonda
And your theatre? The Sheriff's always at the theatre. I'll bet. As
if it were natural.
Dalton
My duty requires me to be there to make sure there's nothing
unsuitable being performed.
Vonda
Ah, your duty. It's really nice, your duty. You probably screw all
the whores in town—right on this couch!
Dalton (injured innocence)
Vonda! You should know by now I would never touch a real whore.
Vonda
Let me be.
Dalton
Listen to me.
Vonda
I've had enough. Finished. You make me sick.
Dalton (dryly)
You know me, my little Vonda, I don't like scenes. I have a horror
of scenes. If I liked scenes, I'd stay home. I'd stay with my wife, who
furnishes me with more scenes than I can count.
Vonda
Stay there then.
Dalton
Vonda.
Vonda
Shut up!
Dalton
Come on.
Vonda
I can't be bothered.
Dalton
You're wrong. I swear to you, you're wrong.
Vonda
Shit! Shit!
Dalton
I don't know to what excess anger can lead a Sheriff. (laughing
nervously) Oh, ha, ha, ha—
(There is a noise of scuffling outside. They stop and listen.)
Dalton
Hmm—what can that be?
Vonda
Perhaps they're bringing you another one of your girl friends.
Dalton
Shut up! (sitting at his desk) Go sit over there—adjust your
skirt— and protest, rebel. Quickly, quickly. Don't be afraid to rebel.
Call me names. I love names. Hurl 'em at me. Be nasty, abuse me. Hurry
up— look sharp.
Vonda
You really want me to?
Dalton
Hell yes! Come on.
(The door opens and the deputies enter, pulling in Mitch Powell.)
Dalton (to Vonda)
Shut up, shut up. You are insolent. Will you kindly be quiet!
Vonda
It's not true—they lied. They are animals—savages, murderers. And
you are, too. You're a brute, a dirty old man. Pig! Pig! Pig!
Dalton
Good! Fine. Shut up. When will you tell me your name? I forbid you
to speak to me like that.
Vonda
Skunk.
(The deputies release their prisoner and are ready to hurl
themselves on Vonda. She defies them with clenched fists.)
Dobbs
Put her in a cell!
Dillon
Let me work her over with my belt, chief. I'll teach her some
respect.
Dobbs
A dildoe's what she needs.
Vonda
You need one, too.
Dalton
Leave this women. I am not finished with her. She's got the devil
in her.— Now, what's this? What's he done? What's he in for? Nasty
looking brute. (to Mitch Powell) What makes you prowl the streets at
this time of night?
Mitch
It's not that late for a poor man.
Sheriff
Not late, not late? What are you talking about? Shut up, and don't
joke with me. Why didn't you book him?
Dobbs
This man is perfectly free.
Dalton
Just because he came in freely, doesn't mean he can leave freely.
Dobbs
He asked to see you on a matter of urgency.
Dalton
On a matter of urgency? Really! And if all the criminals in town
asked to see me urgently at two in the morning, while I'm engaged in
important business, I suppose you'd bring them here to my office?
Dobbs
But chief— (to Mitch after some nodding) Leave me alone, you.
Settle down. (pushing Mitch)
Dalton
Come on, talk. What do you want here? Make it quick.
Mitch
Pardon me, excuse me, Sheriff. I only wanted to tell you—
Dalton
You want to tell me. You want to tell me. What do you want to tell
me?
Mitch
Sir, I have something. I brought you something. I found it, very
unusual. I found it not ten minutes ago, right in front of Police
Headquarters.
(Mitch looks at Vonda and smiles.)
Dalton
In front of Police Headquarters? It's frightening, the things they
find in the street in front of Police Headquarters.
Vonda
Talk all you like—skunk.
Dobbs
That woman is going to get some old-fashioned police brutality.
Dalton
Let her alone, let her alone. I am taking notes. Now, what did you
find (scornfully) on the street?
Mitch (pulling out a wallet)
Here, sir.
Dalton
Just a wallet. I thought it must be something special, like a
diamond ring or something.
Mitch
A wallet, Mr. Sheriff, a red leather wallet—with money in it.
Dalton (smirking)
But, only a few dollars, of course.
(The Sheriff and the deputies laugh.)
Mitch
See for yourself. I haven't touched a penny.
Dalton
You bother me at two in the morning over a billfold! (opening it)
If there's nothing here— Watch out! Let's see, let's see. This is
crazy, this is impossible. (Mitch gives a series of approving nods and
smiles to the deputies, who return them with furious looks and
gestures) Wow! This is a fairy tale. Ten thousand dollars. (recounting)
Word of honor—ten thousand dollars.
Mitch
Ten thousand dollars. It's all there, yes indeed, yes indeed.
Dalton
Good Lord, it's an enormous sum, enormous— A fortune. Holy moly.
Mitch
When I think there are actually people who go strolling around with
that much money, while the rest of us—
Dalton
And you actually found this?
Mitch
Indeed I did, sir.
Dalton
That's really astounding. I didn't think there was anybody in
Atkinsville that had that much money.
Vonda
It's Shake—Shake—
Dillon
You shut up.
Dobbs
This doesn't concern hookers.
Dalton (to deputies)
Never mind, never mind. (to Mitch) Please tell us how you found it.
Mitch
It was easy, sir. Here's what happened. I was near the theatre—
Dalton
Oh, you're a first-nighter like me, eh?
Mitch
I only wish. I just happened to be in the neighborhood. But there
were so many people, and I was tired. My hernia was acting up. I've got
a hernia that causes me a lot of trouble, Sheriff, and I'm not very
agile. From military service. So, anyway, I saw this well-dressed dude
who was a bit drunk—four sheets to the wind, actually. That man
wouldn't give a poor beggar like me the time of day. A man without
pity. A millionaire, I guess.
Dalton
Unfortunate, no doubt. But, what can the rich do for the poor
anyway? Don't slander millionaires, my dear sir. Millionaires are
indispensable to society.
Vonda
There aren't nearly enough of them to go around, in my opinion.
Dobbs
Shut up!
Dalton
She's absolutely right. The government should concentrate its
efforts at social reform on the object of producing more millionaires
instead of giving money to the poor. If it weren't for millionaires,
you wouldn't be finding any wallets like this one. So—go on.
Mitch
Well, I wished him to hell, I assure you. Actually, I suppose it's
all the fault of Osama Ben Laden—
Dalton
Laden, everything's the fault of Osama Ben Laden.
Mitch
May God get him for all the trouble he's causing.
Dalton
Right, right. But let's get down to business.
Mitch
I'm getting to it, Sheriff.
Dalton
Hurry up, finish, come on.
Mitch
Well, I wanted to get a cup of coffee. I was more or less behind
this rich dude, but limping along a ways back because of my hernia.
Dalton
Kindly get to the point.
Mitch
Well, he's a little bit ahead of me—and he hails a cab. As he's
getting in, I notice he drops something. I give a shout, but the cab
pulls out. By the time I limp up, all I see is this billfold.
Naturally, I had a look at it. And I saw what you see. And the street's
empty. Absolutely empty. And there I am with ten thousand dollars in my
hand. Never before in all my life did I realize what it is to be poor.
And yet I've always been poor. And nothing else in the billfold. No
identification, nothing. Not even a picture. So you see, I was
scrounging for money for a cup of coffee and I fell over ten thousand
dollars—little good it does me. I walked on over here—it was on my
way.
Vonda
How interesting! What a fat head!
(Dobbs shakes his fist at Vonda.)
Mitch
And now, Mr. Sheriff, it's late and I'd like to be on my way. I
have an engagement.
Dalton
Just a minute. You can't go like that. Nosiree, not like that.
That's an amazing story you've told me. A fairy tale. It's
Shakespearean! But, my God—if all this is true—
Mitch
Every word is true, sir.
Dalton
I believe you, I believe you. It has to be true. No one would make
something like this up. But holy cow—you're an honest man. A hero.
There's no getting out of it, you're a hero of our times.
Mitch
I'm no hero.
Dalton
No mistake. Don't argue with me. I'm convinced of it. I'll tell
everybody. This man is a hero.
Mitch
But sir, suppose a policemen found the wallet?
Dobbs
Hmm—wow!
Dillon
Would I like that.
Mitch
Or even this pretty lady?
Vonda
Hey, you're a nice gentleman, more than I can say for some people.
Mitch
Or even you, Sheriff?
Dalton
Me! The hell! Well, then I'd be a hero, too. A hero, like you,
understand? Even it if was my duty. I don't take back a word. Ten
grand! My Lord. And the street was deserted—you could have easily—
Mitch
But my leg isn't too good, you know.
Dalton
Don't say that. Don't slander yourself. This is a fine thing,
splendid, heroic. I can't find the right word for it. You should get
the medal of honor or something, really, or maybe a Nobel Prize. This
is the biggest thing that's ever happened in Atkinsville, in as long as
I can remember. What's your name?
Mitch
Mitch Powell.
Dalton
Mitch Powell. Mitch Powell. Marvelous, Mitch Powell. This belongs
in a book. What do you do for a living, Mitch?
Mitch
Huh?
Dalton
What do you do? What kind of work? Your profession?
Mitch
Well—
Dalton
Finding wallets is not your regular job.
Mitch
I'm afraid it's the only one I have.
Dalton (astonished)
What—you don't work?
Mitch
It's obvious to look at me, isn't it? I used to be a waiter, but I
can't do that any more cause I can't move fast enough—account of my
hernia.
Dalton
You get a disability pension?
Mitch
They say I'm not sufficiently disabled. But nobody will hire me. I
get public assistance.
Dalton (icily)
You mean welfare?
Mitch
I guess that's what you call it.
Dalton
You mean you're one of them welfare cheats? (disappointed) And I
thought so highly of you.
Mitch
I ain't happy about it. I'd be happy to work if someone would hire
me.
Dalton
Sure, sure. They all say that. Where do you live?
Mitch
Good Hope Park.
Dalton (surprised)
Oh, that's a nice neighborhood. You live with relatives, I suppose.
What number?
Mitch
No number. At least I never saw one on the grate.
Dalton
You're kidding.
Mitch
Unfortunately, no. A grate is the last word in modern living
conveniences, Sheriff.
Dalton
Then, you have no place to live?
Mitch
Homeless!
Dalton
That's terrible! Really terrible! But you have to have a place to
live.
Mitch
I've been saying that myself.
Dalton
Don't try to be funny. You're no comedian. Do you know what it is
to be homeless?
Mitch
I'm perfectly well acquainted with it—with every aspect of it.
It's a misfortune.
Dalton
It's not a misfortune—it's a crime. It is not allowed in this
town. We don't permit homeless persons in our fair city.
Dalton
Well, I'm perfectly willing to change my present situation for a
better one.
Dalton
Homelessness—homeless people in a town. It's like a social cancer.
You're a dangerous man, Mitch Powell.
Mitch
Me, dangerous? I'm an old man with a hernia that I can't afford to
get fixed.
Dalton
A hernia. A hernia is nothing to do with it. Who cares whether
you've got a hernia or not. You haven't got a home. People without
homes are vagabonds. You are guilty of being a tramp. This is very
annoying and complicated. There's no law in favor of heroes—but the
City Council has an ordinance against vagabonds. A whole heap of laws
against vagabonds.
Mitch
I believe it. There's always something.
Dalton
You didn't think of that when you found the billfold, did you? You
were only thinking of being a hero, of glory—
Mitch
Really, sir—
Dalton
Shut up! What a naïve idea!
Mitch
If I'd known the law, I'd have let someone else do it.
Dalton
That would have been the best thing to do, by far. The rich take
their wealth where they find it—why did you have to be different?
Mitch
I'm a poor man.
Dalton
Right. Your reasoning is sound. But, what a misfortune.
Mitch
I thought maybe honesty would be important.
Dalton
It's not a question of being honest. No one asks you to be honest,
Mitch. The only thing the law says is don't break the law. You can be
as dishonest as you like, provided you don't break the law—
Vonda
Or get caught!
Dalton
It's solely a question of respecting the law or getting around it,
which is the same thing.
Mitch
Right, right. But you have to have money to do that.
Dalton
What do you want? Look at it this way. Here's this billfold. In
your place, in your situation—it was a fine thing to return it, I
agree. I don't mean to say you were an imbecile to do it. No, on the
contrary, morally speaking, your action is quite meritorious—awe
inspiring—and even worthy of a reward. A hundred dollars at least. If
the owner is ever found, I am sure he would agree. Yes, but legally,
legally, you are in a very bad fix.
Mitch
I understand, I understand.
Dalton
There simply isn't any law obliging you to go around finding
billfolds. See—here's the City Code. Look at it, if you like.
Mitch
I believe you.
Dalton
However, there are numerous and explicit provisions—penalties for
being a vagabond. You would have been much better off to find a home
than this wallet.
Mitch
I couldn't agree more.
Dalton
I am going to find you a home.
Mitch (surprised)
Really?
Dalton
Word of honor.
Mitch
It's really kind of you—
Dalton
Right here—
Mitch
In your house?
Dalton
You'll be my guest for the night.
Mitch
Thank you, Sheriff.
Dalton
And tomorrow morning, I'm going to put you on the first train.
Mitch
The first train?
Dalton
Right.
Vonda
Hey, you can't do that—nobody does that anymore, it's illegal.
Mitch
My God!
Dalton
Arrest this man. But go easy with him. He's a hero.
Vonda
It's unconstitutional—
Dobbs and Dillon (brutally)
Come on. We've got a nice little cell for you. (dragging him off)
Out you go!
Mitch
But, you can't do this. The lady is right, the Supreme Court has
said—
Dalton
Are you some kind of liberal or commie? Don't mention that
un-American institution to me.
Dillon
Out you go, bum. You can talk later.
Dobbs
Some kind of hero.
Mitch
Please—
(Dobbs and Dillon drag Mitch out.)
Vonda
It's despicable. Is that your idea of a joke?
Dalton
What? Not in the least.
Vonda
You're not going to run him out of town?
Dalton
I sure am.
Vonda
How can you?
Dalton
Got to. We can't have homeless people in this town. Give the place
a bad name.
Vonda
Oh, no! You are DETESTABLE! DETESTABLE!
Dalton
No need to talk like that, now. Nobody's around, baby.
Vonda
This time it's for your benefit. And I mean it. I don't want you
any more. I am ashamed of you. God, you're ugly.
Dalton
You know, you're getting on my nerves.
Vonda
Oh, am I? Well, I've just begun.
Dalton
Have you? Do me a favor, and get out of here.
Vonda
No, I'm not going. I'm going to give you a piece of my mind.
Dalton
You don't want to leave?
Vonda
No, no!
Dalton
As you please.
(Dalton pushes a button.)
Vonda
What are you doing?
Dalton
You'll see.
(Dobbs and Dillon come in.)
Dalton
Lay hands on this woman.
Vonda (spluttering in rage)
You, you—you—
Dalton (calmly)
And put her in a cell.
Vonda
What—?
Dalton
With the other hookers. I'll see about her in the morning.
Dillon
That's not bad.
Dobbs
It's a nice cell.
(Dobbs and Dillon pin Vonda's arms.)
Vonda
No, no. I don't want it.
Dobbs
Maybe I'll come see you there, honey.
Dillon
Don't want you to be lonely.
Dobbs
We're very hospitable around here.
Vonda
Let me go. I don't want it. I don't want it.
Dillon
You're going to get it, honey. Tonight.
Vonda
Brutes, animals, no, no!
Dobbs
Shut up, you little bitch. You've got a lesson to learn.
Dalton
Be easy on her, boys. She's a woman after all.
Dobbs
There won't be any bruises.
Vonda
I'll expose you. I'll tell everybody about you. I'll tell your
wife.
(Dobbs and Dillon pull Vonda off, screaming.)
Dalton (alone)
My wife's been dead for years. (walks up and down, takes the
billfold, looks at it, then locks it in a safe) Imbecile! (lighting a
cigarette) These crazy women—you can't have eight days peace in a row
with them —no, not ever. Why should she care what happens to this
vagabond? What a disgusting way to spend the evening. Well, it was time
to get rid of her. Still, maybe I should stop Dobbs—he's a real
sadist, and might—
(Enter Sergeant Chambers.)
Chambers
Excuse me, Sheriff, but—
Dalton
You—but what—what are you doing here?
Chambers (bewildered, hearing Vonda screaming off stage)
Sir—
Dalton
Are you going to get out of here?
Chambers
But Sheriff Dalton, I forgot—it was stupid of me, but I forgot my
house keys and—
Dalton
Get out and leave me in peace or I am going to put you in a cell,
too.
(Dobbs and Dillon return, grinning.)
Dalton
And you get out, too.
(The Sheriff beats them all as the curtain falls.)
CURTAIN