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Etext by Dagny
THE UNFORESEEN WAGER A play in one act based on a play by Sedaine Translated and adapted by Frank J. Morlock C 1986
Characters: Lord Belton Lady Morgana, his wife Mr. Lovelace, a gentleman Miss Sophia, a young lady of unknown origin Anne, Lady Morgana's maid Trim, Lord Belton's valet Bellamy Mrs. Prim, Miss Sophia's governess Four men, four women
A room with a balcony in the Country Estate of Lord and Lady Belton.
Anne, the maid, is musing to herself. Lady Morgana is sitting at the window, obviously bored.
Anne
We servants complain and we're wrong to do so. True, we have to
suffer the caprices, the humors, the rudeness, and often the effects
of quarrels about which we know nothing. But, at least it's
interesting, never boring. Ah, boredom, boredom. It's a terrible
thing, boredom. If it lasts two hours Lady Morgana will die. But, for
a woman of wit not to have the wit to amuse oneself—that astonishes
me. Perhaps it's not lack of wit, but lack of resources. Long live
fools, so they can entertain the rest of us. Ah, here she is—she's
left her balcony. Madame has watched the world pass her window.
Morgana
Yes, very wet people, carriages, beggars. What a sad day. The rain
is getting worse again.
Anne
I know how bored you are, Madame—but I assure you—time is
like—I don't know what.
Morgana
It gives me the craziest idea. If someone with nice looks were to
pass on the road, I think I might ask him to supper—to keep me
company.
Anne
A cavalier never had such good fortune. But hasn't Lord Belton
finished his hunting?
Morgana
My husband doesn't trouble me.
Anne
Yesterday, you insisted that he go.
Morgana
He was dying to—and I expected visitors—Lady Ormont.
Anne
What—that ugly lady?
Morgana
I don't dislike ugly women.
Anne
Yet, you love pretty ones.
Morgana
I'm joking. I don't hate anybody. Give me that book. Hmmm.
Moralizing. I won't read. If my clavichord—I told you to fix my
clavichord, but you never think of anything. If it's fixed, I will
play.
Anne
But, it is fixed. The repairman came at noon.
Morgana
I will play this evening. That will amuse—my husband. I will
knit. No—set up a table, I want to write. Ah, God.
Anne (pulling up a writing table)
Here's one.
Morgana (throwing the pens)
Not a single pen ready to write.
Anne
Here's a nervous state.
Morgana
Don't you think I know it? Close the window. No, I want it open—
Let it alone. (opening the window)
Anne
Ah, such a temper. It's a little too much. There's moralizing.
Moralizing! I'd better read this book to find out about moralizing.
Essay on Man. Singular moral. I'd better read this. (opening the book)
Morgana
Anne , Anne.
Anne
Madame?
Morgana
Call someone. This will be pleasant. Ah, it's a little— It's a
good thing my reputation is well fortified. To risk this joke—
(Anne has gone out and returned with a servant.)
Morgana
Go quickly to the park gate. You will see an officer in a red
coat. Say to him: Sir, a lady greets you, and begs you to stop a
minute. Take him in through the lower court. If he asks my name you
will tell him Lady Ormont.
Servant
Lady Ormont?
Morgana
Yes,—run quickly.
(Exit servant.)
Anne
Lady Ormont?
Morgana
Yes.
Anne
The one so old, so ugly, so fat?
Morgana
Yes. It will be very singular. If my cavalier boasts of his
adventure —everyone will laugh at him.
Anne
Do you know this officer?
Morgana
No.
Anne
Does he know you?
Morgana
Only if the servant has no common sense and gives my real name.
Anne
But, Madame, have you considered?
Morgana
I have considered everything. I refuse to dine alone. As far as
company in the country is concerned, one takes what one can get.
Anne
But, suppose he's not agreeable company?
Morgana
I'm going to interview him first. Close the windows.
(Anne rings. Morgana takes her pocket handkerchief, looks to see if
her hair is not out of place, and if her rouge is all right. Bellamy
enters, closes the windows at Anne's direction, then whispers to Anne.
Anne shakes her head in disbelief.)
Bellamy
I've seen her, I tell you.
Anne
Well, Madame, here's a mystery to relieve your boredom. There's a
woman shut up in your husband's chamber.
Morgana (startled)
What's this all about?
Anne
Speak, speak, tell the whole tale.
Bellamy
Madame— (to Anne) Blabbermouth!
Morgana
I am listening.
Bellamy
Madame, speaking with reverence—
Morgana
Suppress your reverences.
Bellamy
Saving your respect, Madame.
Morgana
How stupid these people are with their respects and their
reverences. What follows?
Bellamy
Madame, I was going down the corridor, when I saw—through the
little window that gives on the terrace of your husband's chamber—I
saw— Just as I have the honor to see you now—
Morgana
Never mind the honor for the moment. Well, what did you see?
Bellamy
I saw behind the casement of the window—I saw a curtain move—
followed by a small hand. I'm not sure whether it was a right or a
left hand—yes, it was a right hand which drew the curtain—like so. I
looked. I perceived a young woman between sixteen and eighteen. I am
not sure whether she was eighteen, but certainly—she was sixteen—
Morgana
And, are you sure of what you say?
Bellamy
Oh, Madame, would I dare?
Morgana
Without a doubt, it's a cleaning woman. Call Trim. Bellamy, you've
not spoken to anyone?
Bellamy
Except Miss Anne.
Morgana
If either one of you say a word, I'll dismiss you without a
reference. Send for Trim.
(Exit Bellamy.)
Anne (pretending to cry)
I don't believe, Madame, I've ever failed you. I've never revealed
a secret.
Morgana
I give you leave to reveal mine.
Anne
Madame, is it possible? Do you believe that—?
Morgana
Ha, ha, you're going to cry. I don't enjoy these little scenes. I
beg you to stop or go to your room. It will pass.
(Enter Trim.)
Morgana
Mr. Trim, who is this young wench staying in my husband's chamber?
Trim
A young wench in your husband's chamber?
Morgana
I see that you intend to lie to me. But, I warn you, that would be
lacking in respect to me, and I will never pardon the offense.
Trim
Madame, for twenty-seven years, I have had the honor to be Lord
Belton's valet, and he has never had any cause to think that I lacked
respect—and if the masters wish to interrogate us—for eleven years,
Madame—
Morgana
Now, you try to evade the question. But, I order you to answer me
exactly. Who is this young woman who is in my husband's—Lord Belton's
chamber?
Trim
Oh, Madame! I will be lost. If Lord Belton knows that I have told
you —perhaps, he wants to keep it a secret.
Morgana
Well! This secret, you didn't rush to impart to me. My husband
will understand that I interrogated you about things I already had
learned of—and that you didn't dare to lie to me or disobey me.
Trim
Ah, Madame, what a wrong you make me guilty of.
Morgana
Never mind. That's my concern. I have enough power over Lord
Belton—
Trim
In that case, Madame, since you know everything, if you ask your
husband, I am sure that he will tell you—
Morgana
Return to what I am asking you. Leave us, Anne.
(Anne leaves.)
Morgana
Don't be afraid.
Trim
Madame, yesterday morning, Lord Belton said to me: "Trim, take
this paper, take this paper and do everything it says in there."
Morgana
What paper?
Trim
I believe I still have it.
Morgana
Read it.
Trim
It is in Lord Belton's hand. This Tuesday morning. Today, at 5:15
in the evening, Trim will say to his wife, get dressed and put on a
robe. At 6:30, he will go out with his wife under the pretext of
taking a walk. At 7:30 they will be at the small gate of the park.
When eight o'clock strikes, it will be agreed with his wife that they
will both wait for me. At 8:30—
Morgana
Enough details; give me, give me. (grabbing the paper and reading)
Well?
Trim
Lord Belton arrived at ten. My wife was dying of cold. He was late
because of a carriage accident. My Lord was in his carriage. Two women
got out, one young, the other old. He said to my wife, "Conduct them
to my apartment by the servants' stairs." My Lord returned. He hasn't
said more than two words to the younger one. He entrusted them to our
care.
Morgana
Hey! Where did they spend the night?
Trim
In my wife's room where I set up a bed.
Morgana
And, my husband hasn't paid any attention to her?
Trim
You will excuse me, Madame. He came back this morning, before the
hunt; he asked permission to enter, he's very honest, full of
friendship for this young person, full of—full of—
Morgana
That is not what I asked you. And you didn't investigate who these
women are?
Trim
Madame, I was just following orders. But my wife told me she's
very nice.
Morgana
Bring them to me.
Trim
Oh, Madame!
Morgana
Yes. Ask them to come. Tell them I really want to see them for
myself.
Trim
But if—
Morgana
Do what I tell you and fear nothing. Tell Anne to come back.
(Exit Trim.)
Morgana
This is very strange. No, I don't believe— Ah, men are such
deceivers. Never mind. I'm going to see this to the end.
(Enter Anne.)
Morgana
I order you to be silent about whatever happens now— (aside) I'm
getting angry with my folly, and my officer. If he doesn't show up—
Anne
Yes, Madame.
Morgana
This officer. Keep him in my waiting room. Beg him to wait a
little bit—and then return yourself.
(Exit Anne. After a moment, enter Trim, Sophia, and Mrs. Prim.)
Morgana
I'm very sorry, Miss, to disturb your solitude; but it seems my
husband had very important reasons for concealing from me the fact
that you were in his apartment. I await your explanation of this
strange mystery.
Prim
Madame, I can say to you that—
Morgana
This is your woman?
Sophia Yes, Madame, she's my governess.
Morgana
Allow me to ask her to step into my chamber.
Sophia Madame, since my childhood, she's never left me. Let her stay, please.
Morgana (to Trim)
Bring a seat and leave.
(Trim brings a seat for the ladies. Exit Trim. Morgana seats
herself.)
Morgana
Sit down. (to the governess) You, too. Miss—from the honesty of
your appearance, there's no reason why my husband should hesitate to
present you to me.
Sophia Madame, I don't know the reasons that have prevented him. I would have been the first to ask him that favor had I known for an instant I was in your home.
Morgana
You didn't know?
Sophia No, Madame.
Morgana
You increase my curiosity.
Sophia I have no reason not to satisfy it. Lord Belton has never enjoined me to protect any secrets.
Morgana
Has he had the honor of knowing you for a long time?
Sophia Since my childhood. In the convent where I passed my life, I have known him as tutor, parent, and friend.
Morgana
What's the young lady's name?
Prim
Miss Sophia.
Morgana
No other name?
Prim
No other name.
Morgana
No! And, you tell me, Miss, that you are ignorant of the reasons
Lord Belton has brought you here, and concealed you from all eyes?
Sophia (drily)
When one respects someone, one does not press questions on them.
And I respect Lord Belton too much to press him to tell me something
which he obviously doesn't wish to reveal.
Morgana (ironically)
One cannot have too much discretion!
Sophia And, I have already had the honor to tell you, Madame, that I was unaware I was in your home.
Morgana
You won't let me forget it.
Sophia (rising)
Madame, I will withdraw.
Morgana (rising, in a soft, but firm tone)
Miss, I intend that my husband not prevent me from enjoying the
pleasure of your company.
Sophia I desire that, too.
Morgana
Without a doubt his motives were not injurious to you or to me.
But, you must admit that this mysterious silence needs all the respect
you inspire not to be misunderstood.
Sophia I agree, Madame. And, to confirm you in the idea that I merit the interest you take in me, I will tell you everything I know about your husband's conduct with regard to me. Several months ago—
Morgana
Please sit down.
(All return to their seats.)
Sophia Several months ago, Lord Belton came to my convent. He was accompanied by a gentleman and several of his friends. He presented him to me. He asked me to give his friend permission to appear at the grill. I agreed. The gentleman came. I saw him several times—often. Last Monday, Lord Belton returned to see me, and told me to prepare to leave the convent. In the conversation he had with me, he seemed to warn me to prepare for some drastic change. Several days later—it was yesterday—he returned a little late because the retreat had sounded. He made me leave—not without some sadness. I was in the convent since my childhood. And he brought me here. That, Madame, is all my story. How could I possibly fear anything from the man I respect the most? And, if I could, it would be with you that I will seek refuge.
Anne (entering)
Mr. Lovelace.
Sophia
Mr. Lovelace.
Prim
Mr. Lovelace.
Morgana
In my chamber?
Anne
No, he's just outside.
Morgana
Tell him to come in. (to Sophia) I can't understand why my husband
has deprived me for so long of the pleasure of seeing you. I am going
to tell him that I have taken the liberty of anticipating the
introduction. I ask you not to worry—not to worry, and to say nothing
to him of it.
Sophia
Madame, I will observe the utmost silence.
Morgana (to Anne)
Call Trim.
(Exit Anne. Returns momentarily with Trim.)
Morgana
Trim, pay Miss all the attentions and civilities of which
you are capable. You will not tell my husband that Miss has been to my
apartment—at least unless he asks you. Miss, I hope that—
Sophia
Madame.
(Morgana and Trim conduct Sophia to the door. As soon as she and
Mrs. Prim are gone, Anne goes out and returns with Lovelace. Lovelace
sits. Anne exits. After a moment Bellamy enters.)
Lovelace
You live here?
Bellamy
Yes, sir, with Lord Belton.
Lovelace
With Lord Belton? They told me Lady Ormont.
Bellamy
Madame told them to say so.
Lovelace
Told them to say her name was Lady Ormont?
Bellamy
Yes, sir.
Lovelace
Why'd she do that?
Bellamy
I don't know.
Lovelace
And where is her husband?
Bellamy
They say he's hunting.
Lovelace
Isn't he at Monmouth? I expected to meet him here. Is he returning
this evening?
Bellamy
Yes, Madame expects him this evening.
Lovelace
But to have told them to say she's Lady Ormont. I don't—
Bellamy
You still have Bendish in your service?
Lovelace
Yes—I left him behind. His horse wasn't able to follow me. But,
this is a strange thing—and you don't know the motive?
Bellamy
No, sir. But, don't say anything. Ah, here's Madame.
(Enter Morgana. Exit Bellamy.)
Morgana
What! My dear baron, you pass before my home without doing me the
honor—. Oh, dear. I must ask your pardon. I took you to be one of my
husband's relatives, and I begged you to stop for a moment. I intended
to reproach you, and instead, I owe you an apology. Really, I am angry
with myself for the trouble I have put you to—
Lovelace
Madame—
Morgana
How many excuses I must make you—
Lovelace
I am delighted by your mistake. It gives me the honor of greeting
Lady Ormont.
Morgana
Sir, one cannot be more confused than I am. You see how the
gentleman resembles the baron—
Anne
Yes, Madame, easily mistaken.
Morgana
It's really astonishing, same shape, same bearing—
(Enter Trim.)
Trim
Madame is served.
Morgana
Sir, stay—perhaps you have not dined? Although, I have not the
honor to know you, sir—
Lovelace
Madame—
Morgana
The gentleman will stay.
Lovelace
I don't know, Lady Ormont, if I ought to accept the honor.
Morgana
You must! If only to give me time to efface from your memory the
opinion of foolishness that you have surely formed of me.
(Lovelace gives Morgana his hand and goes to the dining room with
her, followed by Trim.)
Anne
Now—what comedienne could do it better? Ah, we women have a
marvelous talent. She said she couldn't dine alone. I couldn't do it
with her tranquility. What graciousness. What becoming confusion.
Decidedly, she's irresistible.
(Enter Bellamy.)
Bellamy
Now, for a little discussion.
Anne
Ah, it's you. I was just thinking about you. Why aren't you
serving at the table?
Bellamy
It doesn't require a dozen to take care of two turtle-doves.
Anne
And, if Lady Morgana asks for you?
Bellamy
She has Trim. Actually, I wish I had been asked. I could listen.
Anne
Stop it.
Bellamy
It's because I love you.
Anne
Ah, you love me. I wish I believed it. But, one has to admit you
are very singular with all your foolishness.
Bellamy
What's wrong?
Anne (mimicking him)
Madame, with respect. Madame, to speak with reverence. I had the
honor to go down the passageway—
Bellamy
So you are the dupe of that. You!
Anne
What do you mean, dupe?
Bellamy
When I spoke like that to Madame.
Anne
Without a doubt.
Bellamy
I was only playing the simpleton.
Anne
What?
Bellamy
I did it deliberately.
Anne
You did it deliberately? Why?
Bellamy
You don't realize how good we make the gentry feel when we give
them occasion to say—"Ah, what stupid people they are! Ah, what
ineptitude. Ah, what boorishness." They eat it up like cake. It's as
if they said to themselves—"Ah, how intelligent I am, what
penetration I have—how far I am above all that." Hey! Why deprive
them of such innocent pleasure? Me, I give it to them always, and more
than they expect—and I benefit from it. What does it cost, really?
Anne
I didn't know you were so clever and adroit.
Bellamy
This is my fifth situation. I lost the first three by having
arguments with my masters and winning them—for having shown them that
I have more sense than they do. Since then, I've done just the
opposite—and that always succeeds; for I've already piled up a
considerable sum by being stupid—and I wish to lay it at the feet of
a beautiful lady who— (trying to embrace her)
Anne
Stop it. You irritate me.
Bellamy
Well, Anne, I've read, in a reliable book, that the way to make
one's fortune is to have neither honor nor bad temper. That's all
there is to it.
Anne
A pliable temperament—your fortune is made.
Bellamy
Ah, I will be rich.
Anne
But, you say you read—do you know how to read?
Bellamy
Yes. But I didn't tell them that when I came here. That went down
well. They distrust us less when we're illiterate. And, I have a
stupid air when I do my duty—but, what they really like, is that for
all that I appear loyal and secretive. Ah, I will be rich. But, before
that, o my charming sweet little Annie. (trying again to embrace her)
Anne
Stop it, stop it, stop it. You made me break my needle. Your ruffs
will be ready when they get ready.
(Anne throws her knitting on the floor; Bellamy picks it up.)
Bellamy
You have a pretty respect for my ruffs. Well embroidered. But, did
you do these for me?
Anne
Give me, give me. You're really afraid to let Madame see you're
smart?
Bellamy
Yes, indeed.
Anne
Indeed. But don't trust your success. Lady Morgana sees everything
that anyone tries to hide from her. I've been in her service for seven
years and I know her. Her conduct is angelic—but she's a demon of
trickery. And, her love of intrigue takes her farther than she intends
to go, and gets her into silly scrapes. Scrapes that only she can get
out of—I don't know how she does it. It annoys me—she not only saves
her honor—but she succeeds in making herself look so good. I am not
stupid, and she understands me an hour before I speak. As for Lord
Belton, who fancies himself the wisest, smartest, most clever, the
very first of all men—he is only the humble servant of her whims. And
he will swear, by the gods, she doesn't think, act, or speak except by
his permission. Thus, my poor Bellamy, put yourself at ease. Don't get
aggravated, display all the treasures of your wit, and be sure Madame
will never think you anything but a fool! Get it!
Bellamy
And, with a temper like that, hasn't she had the least little
affair of the heart—the least?
Anne
Never.
Bellamy
Never. They say My Lord is jealous.
Anne
Because she intends that he be—a little. It puts him in the
wrong, and it makes him very generous when he learns his suspicions
are groundless. She's the only woman whose honor I'd swear to—you may
be sure.
Bellamy
Certainly. But it ought to make a bad situation.
Anne
Ah, Madame is very generous.
Bellamy
Imagine, then, how sweet and agreeable she'll be if she has a
little affair in the country. There's never any pleasure or profit
with masters who live happily together. Ah, how I yearn to be in
Trim's shoes.
Anne
Why?
Bellamy
Why? With that pretty little wench shut up in My Lord's chamber?
Now, that is something. I believe it's the prettiest little intrigue
I've ever heard of. My Lord is going to show her London. He needs a
townhouse—which needs to be furnished. And the trusty valet makes the
purchase—and a tidy little profit. My Lady suspects something or some
good friend is coming to London hurriedly—but secretly. Ah, Anne, if
you have wit, your fortune is made. You will convey intelligence
reports—true or false. You can fan the fire— Madame gets angry. She
becomes scornful—and avenges herself. Do you suppose that I told My
Lady about this for any other reason than to put her in mind to
revenge herself?
Anne
You are a dangerous man!
Bellamy
True. So what? You've worked here for the last seven years. A
servant must be very stupid if, after seven years, he cannot manage
his master.
Anne
It won't do to play with Lady Morgana. She'd discard me like an
old shoe.
Bellamy
Right now, for example, she has a good opportunity. Mr. Lovelace
is loveable.
Anne
What are you talking about?
Bellamy
This officer, Mr. Lovelace.
Anne
Do you know him?
Bellamy
Yes. He recognized me right away. I used to see him often in my
last situation: he was astonished to see me at Lord Belton's.
Anne
You didn't tell him whose home he was in?
Bellamy
Certainly, I did.
Anne
At the home of Lord Belton?
Bellamy
Yes. At Lady Belton's.
Anne
At Lady Belton's? Ah, what luck. For all her wiles, she's caught.
Well, I'm delighted in a way. Her trickery has gotten exactly what it
deserves.
Bellamy
Why?
Anne
It won't surprise me if she kills herself from rage. What a fool
she was to call herself Lady Ormont. For that's what she has done,
everyone will think she's having a wild affair. What! They've already
dined.
Bellamy
How time flies.
Anne (hiding her embroidery)
Here comes Madame.
(Enter Lady Morgana and Lovelace.)
Morgana (casting a severe look at Bellamy and Anne)
Yes, sir, women will always find an easy way to govern men. The
authority that we use is so perfumed and flowery—the slope is so
subtle—our tenacity in getting our way has such a simple, natural
air, our patience is so good natured that the empire is taken before
you are aware.
Lovelace
Whether I believe it or not, I would gladly cede that empire to
you.
Morgana
I receive that as a compliment, but make a reflection. From
childhood they close our mouths and impose silence on us right up till
our emancipation. This silence causes us to turn our eyes and ears to
our profit. Our glance becomes the most acute, our thoughts the most
subtle—and the modesty with which we express ourselves almost always
gives men a confidence in us from which we easily profit if we are
willing to stoop to conquer.
Lovelace
Ah, Madame, in this debate I wish I had the assistance of my old
superior, my regimental commander. He could second me.
Morgana
Really?
Lovelace
Lord Belton.
Morgana
Lord Belton. You know Lord Belton?
Lovelace
Yes, Madame.
(Anne starts to listen attentively.)
Morgana
You're sure you aren't mistaken?
Lovelace
No, Madame. He's a man who would be at this time, yes, he'd be
fifty or fifty-two, average height, well turned out, good sportsman,
good hunter, great gambler, wise—but easily offended even in small
things, knows all the arts, very talented. Knows all the sciences from
painting to locksmithing, from astrology to medicine. And an excellent
officer besides. A ready wit and a sure friend.
(Anne smiles.)
Morgana
The locksmith! Ah, you do know him.
Lovelace
I didn't know he had land in these parts.
Morgana
Lord Belton, you say?
Lovelace
Perhaps, you know him, too, Madame?
Morgana
Quite well. And, you say he—
Lovelace
He told me that he was a widow and that he was going to remarry.
Morgana
No, sir, he's not a widow.
Lovelace
He often complained that his wife—
Morgana
He complained of his wife?
Lovelace
Had a head a little—
Morgana
A little—?
Lovelace
Yes, that she was a little sick—in the head—absent minded. Not
able to remember even a simple thing—sometimes she even forgot her
own name.
Morgana
Pure slander! (Anne laughs and Morgana rounds on her) What's the
matter with you?
Anne , Madame, I have a toothache.
Morgana
Go away, then—we have no need of your groaning. (to Lovelace)
Now, what did you say Lord Belton had to say about women?
(Anne exits.)
Lovelace
He'd say they were very simple and gave themselves away easily.
Women, he'd say— Madame, you're forcing me, I'd never dare—
Morgana
Speak, sir—
Lovelace
Women, he'd say—only have an empire over weak souls. Their
prudence is only trickery. Their reason is not logical—quick to seize
the superficial, their judgement is unsound. Also they lack sangfroid,
and wit—or what wit they have is weak. To be sure it dazzles under
the color of their grace, but it passes from them, it evaporates with
their youth, and dissipates with their beauty. They prefer— Madame,
it is Lord Belton who speaks, not I—I am so far from thinking—
Morgana (icily)
Go on, sir. They prefer—
Lovelace
They prefer to succeed by trickery rather than right and
innocence; they prefer secrecy and mystery of all things,
dissimulating about everything. They are almost never excited except
by passions which involve nothing but love of their own sex and hate
of the other. Protect yourself, he'd add— Madame, I—
Morgana
Finish, sir, finish!
Lovelace
Protect yourself from their first glance, never believe their
first words—and they cannot deceive you. I've never been deceived by
them in the least little thing, and I never will be.— Those were his
words.
Morgana
And Lord Belton said this to you?
Lovelace
To me, Madame, and to all the officers who had the honor to mess
with him. Furthermore, he entered into details.
Morgana
I am not very interested. And, without doubt, you gentlemen
applauded, for you amuse yourselves at the expense of women.
Lovelace
I said nothing, Madame, but if I had had the honor to know you,
what an advantage I would have had over him. To prove to him by force
of reason, the solidity of judgement—
Morgana (a little angry)
Sir, I realize that I'm abusing your complacency in staying here.
You told me that you still had ten leagues to travel and the night—
(Reenter Anne.)
Anne
Lord Belton—I mean Lord Ormont has returned from the hunt—
Morgana
What, already? Oh, heavens, sir—I don't know—I am—
Lovelace
Madame, something appears to disturb you. Am I the cause?
Morgana
I hesitate to ask you to do what I propose. My husband isn't
jealous— no, indeed, he is not. And, he has no reason to be. But, he
is so delicate about certain matters, and the way I've detained you—
Lovelace
I'm at your disposal, Madame.
Morgana
He's coming to give me news of his hunt. He won't stay long. He
has a guest to entertain.
Lovelace
And what does Madame wish?
Morgana
Would you stay a little while in my chamber?
Lovelace
Nothing would give me more pleasure.
Morgana
You won't be there long.
Lovelace
As long as you wish.
Morgana
As soon as he leaves, you will be free to go. You won't be bored.
You can eavesdrop. I will be delighted for you to listen to us.
(Exit Lovelace.)
Morgana (locking him in)
Ah, my dear Lord Belton, we don't rule any but weaklings! I am
furious. That he could have said such a thing. I know he could. He—
he—from his own conceit, to be so fatuous. Ah, I will be delighted if
I can avenge myself right now. I will prove to him— But, how am I to
do it? If I could tell him what I've learned. No, that would involve
my officer—and I want him left out of it. If, by a bet— (she looks
at the door to her chamber, musing) Lord Belton— (laughing over the
idea on which she has hit) No, no—it would be too funny. But, dare I
risk it? looking at the key) It will be very strange if this works.
(putting the key in her pocket) Anne, get my knitting.
Anne (giving it to her)
Here it is.
Morgana (her mind on something else)
Give me my knitting.
Anne
It's here already, Madame.
Morgana
Ah.
(Enter Lord Belton.)
Morgana
Well, sir, did you get thoroughly wet?
Belton
I love rain. And you, dear, did you have lots of company?
Morgana
Whatever. Your hunt was, doubtless, successful?
Belton
Oh, Madame, perfidious luck. We charged out of the woods. But our
dogs got behind. I thought the game might have doubled back, and so I
returned. But it didn't work out. It was a hind. A beautiful hind.
Morgana
I am always astonished, Lord Belton, at the wealth of words that
only apply to hunting. Women think they speak English and we are truly
ignorant. Especially as to terms from the arts you call—
Belton
Mechanical.
Morgana
Mechanical. Well, there's another buzzword.
Belton
My dear, a man who is a bit knowledgeable knows them all.
Morgana
What! Of all the mechanical arts?
Belton
Yes, my dear. I don't cite myself for a model. I have had a very
complete education! And, although I have no empire to reform, Peter
the Great was not more knowledgeable than myself. There's little in
the things serving the arts, the sciences, or even the professions, of
which I don't at least know the names. I tilted against the
Dictionary, as it were. (while talking, Lord Belton is divesting
himself of his hunting clothes)
Morgana
I won't joust with you, then. But, for me, when I look at that
door and think to myself, that each little piece of wood and iron from
which it is constructed has a definite name, and except for the lock,
I can't name one—
Belton
If you like, I'll name them all.
Morgana
All! You can't do it.
Belton
I bet I can.
Morgana
Hmmm. That's a silly boast.
Belton
I bet it, Madame. I bet it.
Anne (aside)
Our prisoner is having a good time over this.
Belton
Yes, my dear, I bet it.
Morgana
So be it. Very good—because for several days now, I've needed
twenty pounds.
Belton
Darling, why didn't you ask me?
Morgana
No, sir. I don't wish to owe you a small service. I reserve you
for important things, and I prefer to take it from you by betting.
Belton
Twenty pounds?
Morgana
Twenty pounds.
Anne
This worries me. Why such a silly bet? Where will it lead?
Belton
So be it. I want to bet, too.
Morgana
And, you will name off every little bit of iron used to make a
chamber door—like this one here?
Belton
Yes, Madame.
Morgana
But, you must write them down, for I can never recall them.
Belton
Righto, let's write 'em down. Trim! Miss, (to Anne) please get
Trim.
(Anne goes out.)
Belton
How is it, m'dear, I find occasion to prove to you, again and
again, that men have the advantage over women, in science, in
scholarship, in judgement. On the other hand, this divine talent is
fitted by nature to match the transcendent charm of your looks.
Morgana
Oh, sir, remember that I am your wife and that a compliment is
meaningless when it is out of place. Return to our wager. You are
trying, I believe, to make me forget it.
Belton
No, I assure you.
(Anne returns with Trim.)
Morgana
Here is Trim. Now, let's lose no time proving what we have begun.
Besides, we have a long journey to make today.
Belton
Today—a journey?
Morgana
I will explain that: our wager, our wager.
Belton
Trim, take a pen and ink, sit at that table and write what
I dictate.
Morgana
Trim, remember: you will give twenty pounds to the
porter—which I will repay you.
Belton
You haven't won them yet, Madame.
Morgana
We shall see, we shall see—let's begin.
Belton
Madame these details which are to be explained are rather low and
ignoble.
Morgana
Say they are jewels—I will find them golden if I obtain what I
want. I am now so happy that I intend to help you lose them to me.
Don't forget about the lock and the little nails which are attached to
it.
Belton
They are not nails, they are screws—held by screws. Write down
lock and screws.
Trim
Screws.
Belton
The key-hole, the knob, the peg—
Morgana
Ah, what precision and speed—sir, you frighten me—
Trim
The pegs.
Belton
Wait, Madame, all is not said.
Morgana
Oh, I have lost, sir, I have lost.
Belton
Wait a minute. Peg holes, folding hinges, squares, bolts, hooks—
Morgana
Ah, sir, sir, there goes my twenty pounds.
Belton
I don't hesitate, m'dear, I don't hesitate. You will see all—one
minute, one minute.
Trim
Hooks.
Morgana
But, you will finish in two words, darling.
Belton
M'dear.
Morgana
Will you take ten pounds for the bet?
Belton
No, no, m'dear. Squares, bolts, hooks—
Trim
I've got them.
Morgana
Ten pounds, sir, ten pounds.
Belton
No, no, m'dear. Ah, you wanted to bet.
Morgana
How about fifteen pounds?
Belton
I won't abate a ha'penny. I lost three pounds last week, and now
it's my turn.
Morgana
I salute the flag. I don't even ask if you've forgotten anything.
Belton
Don't believe so. Squares, bolts, hooks—
Morgana
If it had been one of those big doors, you'd have had more
trouble.
Belton
I would have said the same. Hooks, bolts—
Morgana
Well, sir, have you named everything?
Belton
Yes, yes, m'dear. I believe so. Squares, hinges.
Morgana
Sir, what surprises me most is the promptness and precision with
which you—
Belton
That astonishes you, m'dear—
Morgana
It shouldn't. Now, there's nothing more to do—
Belton
Except pay me, Madame.
Morgana
Pay you? Ah, darling, you are a terrible creditor. If you had
lost, I would have been kind, and I would give you credit.
Belton
I don't ask for anything.
Morgana
Trim, fold up the paper, and put it away there in my case.
Belton
Why, m'dear, it's useless.
Morgana
Forgive me, darling, I have so much trouble paying attention, and,
like most women, have presence of mind only for a moment, and then
it's gone.
Belton
You make me laugh. What you just said, I have said a hundred
times.
Morgana
Have you sweetheart? I believe you. I hope that you will give me
an hour to reflect and make sure you've forgotten nothing?
Belton
Two days, if you like.
Morgana
No, I don't think it will take more time than it will take to tell
you the story of my day, and here it is— I am not only bored, but
very bored. I was on the balcony, but the rain drove me off. I tried
to read, I tried to embroider, then to play some music. Boredom threw
me into such a blue funk that all I could do was look at the road.
Then I saw a handsome major passing on his horse. I sent a servant to
tell him that Lady Ormont invited him to her home.
Belton
Why Lady Ormont?
Morgana
An idea. I didn't want him to know that I am the wife of Lord
Belton. Of Lord Belton, who owns lands in these parts. (raising her
voice)
Belton
Why?
Morgana
I'm telling you. He accepted my proposition. I saw that my
chevalier had a nice bearing—he is one of those men whose honest and
kind looks inspire a woman's confidence. He made me the most
flattering compliment. He didn't lose a chance to prove to me that if
I had yielded to him— He even dared to tell me it's difficult for a
man to be natural and brave with a woman—but, perhaps, he had seen in
my eyes all the pleasure that his presence gave me. Now, what was it
telling you?— Excuse my frankness, but I know the empire that I have
over you. We were involved in the most intense conversation when you
arrived. And so, I had to lock him in my chamber—from where he can
listen to me. If the tale I'm telling you causes him to eavesdrop—
Really, when you entered, I proposed this indiscreet bet, little
thinking you would accept it. I was wrong, fatigued as you are, to
tease you—
(Lord Belton has been undergoing the tortures of hell during this
little speech, and Morgana knows it, indeed, she is enjoying his
discomfiture.)
Belton
Madame.
Morgana
But, darling, I perceive the stag you were hunting led you a merry
chase.
Belton
No, Madame.
Morgana (innocently)
You appear to me to be upset.
Belton
No, Madame, I am not. But, this gentleman must be bored in your
chamber.
Anne (aside)
Oh, heavens!
Morgana
Let's not talk about it anymore. I see it disturbs you, and I am—
mortified. I wish to be alone.
(Trim and Anne exit, casting uneasy glances at each other.)
Belton
I believe it.
Morgana
I desire—
Belton
And I, I desire to enter into your chamber, and meet the man who
had the temerity to—
Morgana
Oh, what an imprudence— Permit me, darling, to suggest a
compromise.
Belton
A compromise, Madame? I don't see what compromise—
Morgana
If I have lot the bet, give me revenge—
Belton
Madame, it is not a question of joking.
Morgana
I am not joking. I demand my revenge.
Belton
And I, Madame, I demand the key to your chamber—and I beg you to
give it to me.
Morgana
The key, sir?
Belton
Yes, the key, the key.
Morgana
And, if I don't have it?
Belton
There's a way to get in: break the door down.
Morgana
Sir, no violence. What you intend will be very easy, if you will
listen to me a minute.
Belton
I am listening, Madame.
Morgana
Sit down, sir.
Belton
No, Madame.
Morgana
Before you are carried to extremes which are unworthy of you,
and— (laughing) I beg you to pay me the twenty pound bet, because you
have lost.
Belton
The devil, Madame, this is too much.
Morgana
Stop, sir—in the bet you forgot to mention a key, a key, a key, a
key. You don't pretend it is not made of iron. You named it after a
fury and rage that I didn't expect—but not in time. I wanted to make
a joke of it, and make you yourself ask for this little old key—but I
see too late that I shouldn't have exposed myself to your wild
jealousy. Read, sir. (she opens the letter and gives it to him; he
takes it with irritation, and an air of indecision, absentmindedness,
and confusion) As for that key you ask for, sir—here is the key—open
the chamber door yourself—look at everything—justify your
suspicions. AND DO ME THE JUSTICE TO THINK THAT WHEN I WANT TO HIDE
SOMEONE, I AM NOT SO STUPID AS TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.
Belton (confused)
Ah, m'dear.
Morgana
What! You hesitate, sir? If you won't open the door, I'm going to
open it myself.
Belton
Ah, m'dear, m'dear, you beat me into the ground.
Morgana
No, no, what I told you is, without doubt, true.
Belton
Ah, Madame, how guilty I feel.
Morgana
Hey, no, My Lord, you don't—
Belton
M'dear, I fall at your feet.
Morgana
Get up, sir.
Belton
You will forgive me, Morgana?
Morgana
Certainly, darling.
Belton
You don't say it as if you meant it.
Morgana
I promise you, I'm not angry because you were jealous.
Belton
How good you are.
Morgana
It's not goodness, it's good sense.
Belton
Ah, Madame, when one is suspicious— (looking at the paper) By
Jove, with what cleverness, with what finesse, I was lured into asking
for that key—that cursed key. (reading) Yes, yes, there is the lock,
the screw. Devil with the key—cursed key. But, Trim—didn't I mention
it?
Trim (peeping in immediately)
No, sir. But I thought you were going to say it.
Belton
Morgana , Morgana, I am enchanted. This will teach me never, never
to play games with you. Till the end of my life. I am going to pay you
that twenty pounds and pay you with the best will in the world. You
will forgive me, m'dear?
Morgana
Yes, dear, yes, dear.
Belton
What a simpleton I was to think, to believe— I am going, Madame.
I will return to discharge my debt.
(Exit Belton. Enter Anne.)
Morgana
Anne , see that Lord Belton does not return. (watching
after her husband and opening her chamber) Leave, leave— Hurry!
Leave, sir.
Lovelace (entering from the now open chamber)
Madame, I am astonished. I am confounded by what I have heard.
Morgana
Well, sir, do you want more proof to be convinced of the advantage
that all women have over their husbands? And, if I was more pretty,
and more clever—
Lovelace
Impossible.
Morgana
Still, sir, I was only employing our least effective methods. What
would have happened if I had used scorn, the accents of unbearable
sorrow, reproaches, tears, the despair of a woman who thinks herself
outraged? You cannot imagine, you haven't the least idea, the power a
woman gets from putting her husband in the wrong—just once. Still, I
am ashamed of the role I played just now. I will never think of it
without blushing. My little idea of revenge took me farther than I
ever intended. Really, I'm convinced the desire to prove how smart you
are leads a person into doing and saying the stupidest things.
Lovelace
What a way to characterize a joke!
Morgana
Ah, sir, in the presence of a stranger whom I have every reason to
believe a gallant man—
Lovelace
And, the most humble of your admirers—
Morgana
I have heaped a little ridicule on my husband, Lord Belton, merely
to impress you with my finesse.
Lovelace
Unnecessary. I knew you had it in the first place. And, I knew you
were Lady Belton.
Morgana
What! You knew, sir?
Lovelace
That I was in the home of Lady Belton. One of your servants told
me.
Morgana
You mean, sir, I was your dupe?
Lovelace
No, Madame, but I wasn't yours.
Morgana
Ah, how this upsets me. And this woman who is so absent minded and
who forgets her married name— What, sir, you banter with me?
Lovelace
Madame, I ask your pardon.
Morgana
This turn of events overwhelms me and strengthens my resolution to
abandon all forms of trickery. (walking about scornfully) Ah, heavens!
I hope, sir, that you will do us the honor to visit us in London this
winter. At that time I will ask my husband's pardon in your presence.
Anne , let the gentleman out by the servants' stairs. Goodbye,
sir.
Lovelace
Adieu, Madame.
(Exit Lovelace with Anne.)
Morgana
I wish you a bon-voyage. (Lovelace is gone) How did he know! Ah,
men, men—cringe before us! I am upset. Fortunately, he seems honest.
I am in despair, my proceeding is not good. It's frightful before a
stranger who is perfectly free to tell whom he pleases. That's what
happens if you are wanting in self respect.
(Anne returns.)
Anne
Oh, Madame, I haven't got a drop of blood left in my veins.
Morgana
Why not?
Anne
If your husband had entered?
Morgana
Oh, well, so what?
Anne
And if he had seen the gentleman?
Morgana
Then I would have asked him why, if he can keep two women in his
apartment, that he's known for fifteen years, I am not permitted to
keep a gentleman in mine—a man I've known for fifteen minutes.
Anne
Ah, that's true, I didn't think of that.
Morgana
Anne , you tell Trim to pay off Bellamy tomorrow and send
him away.
Anne
Madame, what can he have done? He's a fine boy. It's true he's a
little stupid.
Morgana
That's not the trouble. He's not stupid; but he's sly and a
troublemaker. I don't like servants who report to Madame what's
happening in monsieur's apartment. They do it for their own benefit.
Anne (aside)
See how far his cleverness has gotten him. I'm afraid he won't
have my ruffs. (aloud) Madame, I hear your husband's voice.
Morgana
Ah, heavens!
(Enter Lord Belton and Mr. Lovelace.)
Belton (to Lovelace)
Madame? Madame will excuse your appearance. You are in boots and
you come from hard riding. Here, m'dear. I present Mr. Lovelace to
you— fine gentleman, brave officer, one who will soon retire on a
pension. Here's the fifty pounds I owe you. I wanted to pay you
myself.
Morgana
Fifty pounds! It was only twenty.
Belton
Fifty, Madame! I wish to make amends. I beg you to accept them—in
compensation for my—my—excitability.
Morgana
It's I who am confused.
Belton
I will never cease to remember how you chastised me.
Morgana
And I, too.
Belton
You, Madame. Not at all, you jest. (to Lovelace) My dear friend,
you have no idea what's up, but I will explain it to you. It's a thing
cleverly done, charming—delightful. You will judge Madame's wit and
goodness. May you marry a woman with such excellent qualities. She has
them, she has them, rest assured.
Lovelace
I believe I know everything I wish to know about the subject.
Morgana
Sir.
Belton
Madame, stay with Mr. Lovelace a moment. Ah, my friend, what
happiness I plan to give myself. I will be back in a minute.
(Exit Lord Belton.)
Morgana
Well sir, doesn't this make things worse? Lord Belton encountered
you as you were leaving?
Lovelace
No, Madame. I came to call on him. He brought me here himself.
When I had the honor to wave to you from the road I was on my way
here— because I had business with Lord Belton. You can gauge my
surprise when I was hurried in by a little door in the park with an
air of mystery. Add to that the change of name. I swear to you that I
believed myself destined for great adventures.
Morgana
Hey! What did Lord Belton mean when he said you'd be retiring on a
pension?
Lovelace
It's up to him to explain that enigma. And it appears to me to
have no more design than to make you—here he is. Heavens, it's Miss
Belton.
(Enter Lord Belton, Miss Sophia and Mrs. Prim.)
Belton
Yes—there she is. And, is there anything more loveable? My
friend, take love from the hands of friendship. Madame, you didn't
know you had this young lady in your house—she's been here since
yesterday. I returned too late—and left too early this morning to
present her to you. She appears before us very suddenly—she is the
daughter of my brother by an indiscretion with a noble lady. He died
in my arms on the battlefield and this child was left an orphan. His
marriage was only known to me. You approve, of course, the reasons
which caused me to hide her from you. My father was so proud and
hard—and in the family— I will explain everything to your
satisfaction. My dear child, kiss your aunt.
Morgana
With all my heart.
Sophia
And me, Madame, what happiness I feel—
Belton
Madame, I marry her—and I am giving her to Mr. Lovelace. I say
give her—it's a true present. He wouldn't have had her if I didn't
know how honest he is.
Lovelace
I will have the joy to be your nephew, Madame.
Belton
Yes, my friend—and very soon. I am going to London tomorrow, for
there are several details which I must straighten out.
Lovelace
Miss, do you consent to make me happy?
Sophia
You have to ask me from Lady Belton.
Lovelace
Madame, may I hope?
Morgana
Yes, sir. I am delighted. Heaven has never given me a child, and
in one instant I have acquired a daughter and a son-in-law. I agree to
it.
Sophia
It is as much by inclination as obedience.
Belton
So be it. My niece is charming.
Morgana
I am much deceived if Miss hasn't a lively wit. And I am sure
that, without shifts and trickery, she will be able to protect herself
from the deceits of others—and to make her husband happy.
Lovelace
If Miss Sophia needs a model, I am sure she will find it in you.
Morgana
Yes, sir, yes, sir. Trickery is good for nothing. No trickery, no
trickery. One is always one's own dupe.
Belton
Usually me.
Morgana
Oh, Lord Belton, how wrong I've been.
Belton
What?
Morgana
Never mind. It would be difficult to explain. Let's all go to your
chambers.
Anne (watching them leave)
Ah, if this adventure could cure her of trickery. But I can tell
she doesn't believe a word of that story about Miss Sophia being her
niece. But she doesn't say a word. Women, women. The only way you can
cure them of trickery is to outwit them. And how does one do that?