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Etext by Dagny
CHARACTERS Dr. Watson Irene Adler Norton Sherlock Holmes Professor James Moriarity Mycroft Holmes
The scene is Baker Street. Everything is packed to leave. Chairs are covered with sheets. Only a few things of Holmes' remain. The Persian slipper where Holmes kept his tobacco and his pipe are on a table. Watson is pacing up and down meditatively.
Watson
Enough of this sentimentality, it's time to go. There's no point
in my staying here anymore. The associations are too painful. (picking
up the pipe and slipper) Holmes is dead and no amount of grieving will
bring him back to life. Memories! To think I used to be annoyed that
he kept his tobacco in a slipper. What I would give to see him alive
and well again! (replacing the slipper) Well, well. (a knock at the
door. Watson goes to open it) That must be Mrs. Hudson or the cabbie.
(opening the door) IRENE ADLER!
Irene (regally dressed woman of great beauty)
Dr. Watson! I didn't expect to see you here.
Watson
Well, this is a pleasant surprise.
Irene
You look as though you are leaving.
Watson
I'm taking new lodgings. But what are you doing in London? I
thought you had gone to Paris?
Irene
I'm returning to the stage. I'm singing Marguerite in Faust.
Watson
Indeed. I should be glad to hear you sing. I have often regretted
that I never had the pleasure.
Irene
Thank you so much, Dr. Watson. You were always very gallant.
Watson
Not at all! I meant it sincerely.
Irene
It's your sincerity that makes you so gallant, you see.
Watson
Have you been well, I trust, these last few years?
Irene (uneasily)
Oh, very well. I don't allow things to get me down. (pointedly)
And, where is your companion, Mr. Holmes?
Watson
Ah, you must not have known. The best of men is dead—one year ago
this month.
Irene (surprised)
Indeed, I didn't know. I hadn't heard from—of him in some time.
Watson
It is a loss which not only I, but the whole world must suffer.
Irene (passionately)
Permit me to say: the world can manage very well without Mr.
Sherlock Holmes!
Watson
I beg you to change your tone immediately.
Irene
Your devotion is quite touching.
Watson (angrily)
Never mind my devotion.
Irene
I am sorry to offend you, Dr. Watson, but despite his intellect
which I admit was peerless, he was a scoundrel!
Watson
Really, Frau Adler, I cannot allow such a reflection on his memory
even from a lady for whom I entertain the highest regard. And, may I
add a lady that Sherlock Holmes honored above all others.
Irene
Dr. Watson, your feelings do you great honor. But, unfortunately,
I am certain of what I say.
Watson
But, surely, Frau Adler, you can bear Holmes no grudge for trying
to recover that photograph of you and a certain royal personage—in
order to prevent what must be admitted was a form of blackmail—even
though your motive in threatening to expose His Majesty was jealousy,
not venality. You can hardly complain of the ruse he employed.
Besides, you yourself, actually bested him. And finally, it was of
your own free will that you destroyed the photograph when you married
Alfred Norton!
Irene
Oh, on that score, I bear him no ill will. It was fair play. It
was for the other things he did to me.
Watson (cheerfully)
Well, then, you see there is no basis for rancor—
Irene
The rancor is for the years he blackmailed me after that—
Watson (astounded)
Blackmailed you! What are you talking about?
Irene
Something you evidently know nothing about. If you did, you
wouldn't bandy words with me!
Watson
I'm completely at sea.
Irene
It's hardly surprising. If I were Sherlock Holmes, I shouldn't
tell an honorable man about it, either. Not if I hoped to retain his
respect.
Watson
I am certain there is some mistake which can easily be put right.
I beg you to tell me the story.
Irene
You will recall, Dr. Watson, that I willingly gave up the
photograph and all hopes of revenge when I chose to marry Alfred
Norton. It was the least I could do for a man who married me with full
knowledge of all my prior indiscretions and who never once mentioned
them to me. I hardly expected Sherlock Holmes to pursue me across the
Continent and destroy my marriage. Yes, I fled him. But it was no use.
Watson
What you are saying is incredible.
Irene
Sherlock Holmes persecuted me for three years.
Watson
I don't believe it.
Irene
I will prove it. As you know, Dr. Watson, your friend had the
reputation of being indifferent to women.
Watson
You were the only woman he ever found attractive.
Irene
Who would suspect him of being a lecher?
Watson
Frau Adler, this is too much! This is indecent!
Irene
He ruined my marriage, Dr. Watson. When I left London, I was
supremely confident that I would live happily with my husband. My
husband was not wealthy but he had an income of some sort. I had
turned my back on my past. And my past, as you know, had included many
men, even a prince or two.
Watson
I read the file.
Irene
I was in love with my husband. He was a wonderful man, never
jealous and perfectly indifferent to the prejudices of this age about
proper behaviour for a woman. In short, he was irresistible. He was
proud of me. I think nothing could have destroyed my marriage, except
the malevolence of Sherlock Holmes.
Watson
Holmes was never malevolent.
Irene
You will judge for yourself. I was living a retired life in Paris
with my husband, when I received a communication from Sherlock Holmes
that he must see me on urgent business. I was a little surprised, but
I had such a good opinion of him that I agreed at once to meet him.
Watson
There, you admit—
Irene
Hear me out! I walked blindly into the trap that he had set for
me. When we met, there was an unpleasant glint in his eyes. He asked
me if I remembered Admiral Kovalevsky.
Watson
I recall Holmes was interested in Kovalevsky. He was murdered in
Berlin and Holmes thought Moriarity had something to do with it. But,
you knew Kovalevsky?
Irene
Yes. I had been his companion for several months about five years
previously.
Watson
Undoubtedly Holmes sought your assistance in solving the murder.
Irene
I thought that, too. I told him I didn't see how I could help him,
as I hadn't been in touch with the Admiral in many years.
Watson
I see.
Irene
It was then he said that the Admiral's death was of no concern to
me. However, the Admiral had died possessed of some photographs of me,
which had come into your friend's possession.
Watson
I am surprised that Holmes didn't simply destroy them.
Irene
Your naivete is amazing, Dr. Watson. The Admiral had got me drunk
on Vodka, and well, the photographs he took were not merely
compromising, they were obscene. I speak as a woman who is not shy in
such matters.
Watson
Good heavens!
Irene
I didn't know the photographs existed until afterwards. The
Admiral refused to part with them when he separated from me. He wanted
them for his personal collection. He promised never to show them to
anyone.
Watson
Did he?
Irene
Men like to boast, but I believe he never did. He never sought to
blackmail me. In his funny Russian way, the Admiral was the soul of
honor.
Watson
But, why would Holmes—?
Irene
I was stupid enough to think he wanted to return them to me.
Watson
And—
Irene
He demanded—
Watson
Money? I'll never believe it.
Irene
Not money. Absolute obedience. I said "no." He then passed me one
of the photographs. I turned scarlet. I never had blushed before in my
life. No, not even when the Duchess of Amalfi discovered me in bed
with her husband.
Watson
Finish your story.
Irene
I asked what I must do. He told me that I would receive
instructions.
Watson
I know my protests make no impression, Frau Adler, but this is
inconceivable.
Irene
No less to you than it was to me. But I had to obey. I couldn't
let my husband ever see such photographs.
Watson (cautiously)
What demands did he make?
Irene
At first, simple ones. Hardly necessary to employ threats. Meet
him at this or that cafe wearing a corsage or bracelet. Mere obedience
training. Then, suddenly he ordered me to meet him at Lake Como. It
was dreadful. I had no plausible excuse for going to Italy, and I
abhorred lying to my husband. I told him to trust me. I kept the
appointment.
Watson
And what did you do there?
Irene
At first, nothing. I was furious. Then I was ordered to meet a
Russian woman and accept a packet from her. I did as instructed. A
week later, the packet was picked up by an English lady. I returned to
Paris and patched things up as well as I could with my husband.
Watson
This is all very bizarre.
Irene
Nothing happened for several months. Then Holmes appeared again
and this time I had to go to Venice. Immediately! I begged. I stormed.
I offered to become his mistress. Holmes was implacable! I went. I had
no conception of what horrors awaited me in Venice. I expected another
routine courier operation.
Watson
And?
Irene
More was expected of me. When I heard his vile arrangements, I
nearly fainted.
Watson
What did he want of you?
Irene
His Majesty, the King of Bohemia (you know his real title) was on
a state visit. I was instructed to resume my liaison with him.
Watson
Surely, you refused?
Irene
Outright! I pointed out that His Majesty and I had parted on very
unfriendly terms and that we were both married. Holmes asked me how
long my current marriage would last if my husband received those
photographs. I still refused. Better exposure than this.
Watson
Good for you! I am sure you would refuse such a demand.
Irene
But, my marriage was doomed anyway, as your friend quickly pointed
out to me.
Watson
Why?
Irene
Because as soon as my husband learned that the King of Bohemia was
in Venice he would never believe that I went there for any purpose but
to renew the liaison. I laughed at Holmes then. I told him he had at
least set me free.
Watson
That was certainly the right thing to do.
Irene
But, it was not to be. Holmes pointed out that I had been engaged
in espionage under his direction for the last six months. He told me I
could expect to spend the next ten years of my life in prison—if the
courts were merciful.
Watson
This is dastardly! Dastardly!
Irene
The next day, by a cleverly arranged accident, I met His Majesty.
To my surprise, he was delighted to see me.
Watson
That hardly surprises me at all.
Irene
Now that he was legally married, he cared nothing for the
Princess' jealousy. He practically jumped for joy when he met me. He
thought because he harboured no resentment towards me that I felt none
towards him. What fools me are! Not only did I resent the way he had
treated me in the past, I blamed him for the destruction of my
marriage. Oh, how I hated him.
Watson (musing)
That must have fallen in perfectly with Holmes' plans—
Irene
I didn't care. His Majesty is very weak, you know. Easily managed.
My instructions were to reduce him to complete submission. Never have
orders been more willingly obeyed. It was so easy.
Watson
This is horrible.
Irene
My prolonged absence made it impossible to keep the affair from my
husband. He learned of it and committed suicide by throwing himself in
the Seine. Do you see why I hate Sherlock Holmes?
Watson
Is it possible that I never really knew the man? That he deceived
me completely?
Irene
He was a German or Austrian agent, Dr. Watson. He had to be.
Watson
Will you let me try to prove it is not so? I have my records
packed up here. If I can prove that Holmes was in London or that he
wasn't where you believe him to have been?
Irene
I am willing to listen. But, don't you see? The man led a double
life. We'll never know who he really was.
Watson
But, why did you come here?
Irene
I came here to kill him.
Watson
What!
Irene
When I learned of my husband's death, I had a breakdown. I only
recently recovered. I decided to revenge myself.
Watson
You had a breakdown?
Irene
Yes. I was beyond his power. I started crying. I cried all day for
two years. His Majesty left me in a sanitarium. I must say, he was
kind to me. He paid all my bills quite regularly. I didn't know that
Holmes was dead, you see, or I wouldn't have come. Even in death, he
has cheated me. (giving her hand to Dr. Watson) I'm going. It's just
as well, I suppose. Come see me sing. They say I've gained a lot as a
singer recently. Before I never could sing tragedy. (she goes out)
Watson (sitting down, bowing his head)
It can't be. It can't be.
Cabbie (knocking and entering)
Ar' you the bloke what ordered a cab?
Watson
What? Yes. How did you get in?
Cabbie Door's wide open, mate. Say, are you all right? Look like you had some kind of tragedy?
Watson
No, no. I'll be myself presently. Just wait a bit.
(Watson sits down.)
Holmes
Watson, my dear fellow, what's wrong?
Watson (staring at the Cabbie)
Holmes, is it you?
Holmes
None other. See. (throwing off his disguise) I am flesh and blood.
Watson
But, how? By what miracle did you survive that fall into the
Reichenbach?
Holmes
No miracle. I couldn't have survived it, if I had fallen. I say,
it was thoughtful of you to keep my pipe and slipper. (goes to pipe
and fills it) Do you know the hardest thing about a disguise is the
inability to do simple things like enjoy a pipe.
Watson
Holmes, in God's name, where have you been for the last
year?
Holmes
All in good time, my dear fellow. Obviously, I didn't fall.
Watson
But, all the evidence!
Holmes
It was a put up job, Watson. I walked away as I had come.
Watson
And Moriarity?
Holmes
We left together.
Watson
What!
Holmes
The deception I practised on you was the most difficult thing I've
ever had to do in my life. But it was necessary the world think me
dead. Especially you, dear Watson.
Watson
I don't understand at all. How as Moriarity involved in this?
Holmes
We planned it together. A trifle melodramatic, but Moriarity's
brain works that way, and he convinced me that nothing better would
serve our turn.
Watson
"Our turn," Holmes? But, Moriarity was the Arch Enemy. What is
going on? Explain yourself immediately.
Holmes
It was necessary so that we, Moriarity and I, could undertake a
secret mission for Her Majesty. I have just completed it.
Watson
But, what had Moriarity to do with such a mission? Why was he
meant to appear dead?
Holmes
Moriarity needed his freedom, too. He could no longer continue his
work in London. He was needed elsewhere.
Watson
Holmes, I understand none of this. Are you suggesting
Moriarity was also engaged in special service?
Holmes
An explanation is in order.
Watson
And long overdue.
Holmes
Certain things I can tell you, but others I cannot reveal. Even to
you, my dear friend. It began with the death of Admiral Kovalevsky in
Berlin.
Watson
Kovalevsky!
Holmes
You recall I suspected Moriarity of being responsible for that
murder?
Watson
Yes, yes, I recall.
Holmes
I was perfectly correct, of course. I had absolute proof and I
confronted Moriarity.
Watson
Then, for God's sake man, why didn't you bring him to justice?
Holmes
Because he had committed no crime.
Watson
Stop talking in riddles, Holmes. Is murder no crime?
Holmes
Picture me confronting Professor Moriarity at gun point—preparing
to bring him to the gallows or kill him if he resisted arrest.
(The stage darkens. Holmes and Moriarity are spotlighted.)
Holmes
Your criminal career is over, Professor. A great career, I would
be the first to admit. But finished.
Moriarity
What makes you think I am a criminal, Mr. Sherlock Holmes?
Holmes
What else can one think of a man who had been behind every major
criminal act in this and several other European capitals?
Moriarity
But, is that not in itself suggestive?
Holmes
Yes. Of megalomania. I've said many times you are the Napoleon of
crime.
Moriarity
I prefer to think of myself as Caesar. But to what end? Criminals
are no doubt very selfish individuals—but the megalomaniacs join the
army, the civil service, or better yet become politicians. They aspire
to rule the world, not the underworld.
Holmes
As a general observation, undoubtedly true. Still, we have your
example.
Moriarity
Please observe that I do not deny that I am a megalomaniac.
Holmes
Yes, you merely pointed out that a megalomaniac seeks wider scope
for his activities.
Moriarity
I reiterate my point. Do you take it?
Holmes
If you are a megalomaniac, you are not a criminal. You are a
megalomaniac, therefore you—
Moriarity
Q.E.D. I am not a criminal.
Holmes
Then, how do you explain your ever present hand in all these
criminal operations, not to mention this little murder of Admiral
Kovalevsky?
Moriarity
There is, it seems to me, a fairly obvious explanation.
Holmes
I should be delighted to hear it.
Moriarity
I rather thought you could solve the puzzle without my assistance.
You disappoint me, Mr. Holmes. Obviously I am into criminal activity
for legitimate purposes.
Holmes
You mean that—
Moriarity
The truth is obvious, isn't it?
Holmes
Then, for years I've ignored the most obvious signs.
Moriarity
Your humble servant, Mr. Holmes. A government, any government must
have a means of performing certain necessary acts that it can later
disown. Now for that a professional network is usually created. But
for some activities auxiliaries are required. You see before you the
Commander of Her Majesty's auxiliary forces.
Holmes
Preposterous!
Moriarity
I hold the rank of Brigadier in the Service. My immediate superior
is "M", the Head of Her Majesty's Secret Service.
Holmes
Preposterous!
Moriarity
You grow repetitious, my dear fellow. As it happens you know "M"
quite well. But you know him better as your brother Mycroft.
(Enter Mycroft Holmes, large, sleek, fat, unlike the wiry Sherlock.)
Mycroft
It's true, Sherlock. Professor Moriarity is an agent of the Queen.
I might add, a man who has proved himself indispensable on many
occasions.
Holmes
And, does Her Majesty see fit to employ murderers?
Mycroft (complacently)
Occasionally. But we don't consider this to be murder. Admiral
Kovalevsky was a military target. Kovalevsky was a chief of the
Okhrana and one of the most effective Russian agents in Europe. He was
responsible for torturing and murdering several of our best people.
Therefore, Her Majesty's Government decided to pay him quits.
Moriarity handles delicate matters like these for us. And very
well.
(The lights blackout, then go up on Holmes and Watson.)
Holmes
So you see, Watson, even the best detectives can make mistakes.
For years I had tracked Moriarity only to find out I was tracking my
own brother, whose commands Moriarity faithfully executed. And that
was why the Professor always eluded me, despite my best efforts.
Always, there was an impediment, unforeseen, unforeseeable. I
suspected he had protectors in high places—but how high, how high.
The tool Moriarity employed to kill the Admiral thought he was
performing a simple robbery for a master criminal. He hadn't the
slightest notion he was working for Her Britannic Majesty.
Watson
But none of this explains the pictures, Holmes. How could you do
such a thing?
Holmes
What on earth are you talking about? What pictures?
Watson
The pictures of Irene Adler.
Holmes
I know nothing of any pictures of Irene Adler. Bye the bye, she
looked charming tonight.
Watson
You saw her?
Holmes
She wanted my cab, but I told her I was engaged.
Watson
Did she recognize you?
Holmes
Of course not. Now, what about these pictures?
Watson
Holmes, how could you do such a thing—even for Queen and
Country?
Holmes
Watson, are you mad? What are you talking about?
(Irene Adler has come in through the half open door. Suddenly she
lurches towards Holmes with a stiletto.)
Watson
Holmes, look out!
Holmes
I have her, Watson.
Irene
I will kill you yet, if I live. You will pay for what you did to
me— for what you did to my husband.
Holmes
Frau Adler, or I should say Mrs. Norton, I have no idea what you
are talking about. Please calm yourself.
Irene
Calm myself? After you blackmailed me to become a spy and then
caused my husband to commit suicide. That will calm me?
Holmes
I implore you to be calm. The last time I saw you or your husband
was on your wedding day.
Irene
Do you hear him, Dr. Watson, this liar? If you are a gentleman,
Dr. Watson, you will help me to avenge myself.
(Watson stands irresolute.)
Holmes (perceiving Watson's confusion)
Watson?
Watson (coming to a decision)
Frau Adler, I believe you were injured by someone. But, but, I
know this is Sherlock Holmes, and I know he is not the man who injured
you.
Holmes
Thank you, Watson. Now, Mrs. Norton, will you explain.
Watson
This poor, gallant woman has been blackmailed by a man purporting
to be you, Holmes.
Holmes
Blackmailed! To do what?
Irene
To spy and to become the mistress of the King of Bohemia.
Holmes
What? Look carefully at me, Mrs. Norton. Are you sure I am the
person who blackmailed you?
Irene
If it was not you, it was someone who resembled you greatly. I am
no longer sure. There are certain subtle differences.
Holmes
It was Moriarity. I am sure of it.
Irene
But, why would this Moriarity, whoever he is, describe himself as
you?
Holmes
The better to gain your initial confidence. Oh, he is a wonderful
villain.
Watson
But, Holmes, you just told me he works for your brother Mycroft on
special service.
Holmes
That makes him no less a scoundrel. For that matter, Mycroft is a
scoundrel, if you come right down to it. Nothing would please
Moriarity more than to blacken my name. Mrs. Norton, have you been
victimized?
(Enter Professor Moriarity dressed as Sherlock Holmes.)
Moriarity (in a voice almost identical to Sherlock's)
You are quite right. I took the liberty of entering without
knocking when I saw Mrs. Norton come in. Do you approve of my
disguise, Mr. Holmes?
Holmes
Moriarity, you will answer to me for this deception.
Moriarity
Tsk, tsk. I am under orders, my dear Sherlock. Take it up with
your brother.
Holmes
You mean my brother authorized you to employ my name in a
blackmail scheme?
Moriarity
I confess I did suggest it myself.
Holmes
Devil!
Moriarity
But he approved it. Calm down. Sherlock, you look as though you'll
have apoplexy. We mustn't lose a great mind like yours to anger.
Holmes
Why have you come here?
Moriarity
I have some instructions for Mrs. Norton.
Irene
I no longer take orders from you.
Moriarity
Please, don't make it necessary for me to remind you of the
consequences of disobedience.
Irene
I no longer take orders from you.
Moriarity
Do not be childishly stubborn. You have no choice.
Irene
I don't care. My husband is dead. You cannot threaten me.
Moriarity
You husband was murdered.
Irene
What do you say?
Watson
Murdered? But he was a suicide?
Holmes
Did you murder him, Moriarity?
Moriarity
Me? No. What on earth for? I needed him to keep Mrs. Norton in
line. But I know who did.
Irene (icily, but with restrained hysteria)
Who murdered my husband?
Moriarity
Why, the King of Bohemia, of course.
Irene
Why should he do that? I don't believe it.
Moriarity
Your husband, Alfred Norton, was hired by the King about the same
time he engaged Sherlock Holmes. The King is not a complete fool.
Norton was engaged to marry you, and keep you quiet, a job he
succeeded in admirably. Holmes was assigned the rather more simple
task of obtaining the photograph. Norton was the King's real trump.
The King believes in having more than one string to his bow.
Irene
I don't believe it.
Moriarity
Oh, I think I shall convince you. Norton had instructions to kill
you if you should continue in your attempts to expose His Majesty.
Irene
Not Alfred. He was so kind.
Moriarity
No, not Alfred. The man you married under that name is Arsene
Lupin, the famous French criminal. He's a man of a thousand faces, you
know.
Irene
No.
Moriarity
Do you know where your husband obtained his income from?
Irene
He had some money that he— Oh, it's true. His money always came
from Bohemia.
Holmes
Why did the king kill Norton or Lupin then?
Moriarity
After the King resumed his affair with Mrs. Norton he felt Lupin's
services were superfluous. Moreover, Lupin was in a position to
blackmail the King. It's not the first time the King has paid off his
agents in that coin.
Irene (dejectedly)
And I though there was one man who loved me for myself alone.
Holmes (constrainedly)
Perhaps there is, Frau Adler, but it is not your husband.
Irene
Nonetheless, what has been done to me is despicable.
Moriarity
Agreed. But would it not be more despicable to permit a world war
to break out when the means are at hand to prevent it? Those
photographs which turned up when we disposed of Admiral Kovalevsky
gave us the opportunity to place an agent of influence in the highest
quarters of the country we call Bohemia. We could not turn our backs
on that opportunity. Will you continue to work for us? I ask you in
the name of all mankind.
(Irene hesitates and looks to Sherlock Holmes who remains
impassive.)
Moriarity
I wish to return these photographs to you, Madame. Your work is
too important to be continued under duress.
Irene
I will do so, and willingly.
Moriarity
I regret the necessity that forced me to play the part of a
villain. The fate of the world rests on your success.
Irene (majestically)
War will not break out if it lies in my power to prevent it.
(shaking hands all around she walks out proudly)
Watson
Magnificent creature!
Moriarity
A real heroine. Well, my dear Sherlock, I'd better be going.
Pleasant seeing you again.
Holmes
One thing before you go, Professor.
Moriarity
Anything for you, sir.
Holmes
The photographs, if you will.
Moriarity
What photographs?
Holmes
Why, the ones you did not return to Mrs. Norton. Now give them
here, Professor, or I shall put a bullet in your unscrupulous brain. I
should hate to deprive Her Majesty of your so useful services.
CURTAIN