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Etext by Dagny
Members of the Soldiers' Aid Society:
Mrs. Cumings
Mrs. Drew
Mrs. Stern
Mattie Seaton, a young flirt
Non-speaking parts:
Archie Lovell
Nancy Turner
Mary Foster
Delia Burrage
Scene: A graveyard with a large gravestone, some time during the American Civil War. Soldiers and people cross the stage in mourning. It is a Sunday afternoon.
Three middle-aged women members of the Soldiers' Aid Society are looking at the newly erected gravestone of Archie Lovell.
Mrs. Cumings
Well, Old Lady Andrews did right nice by Archie. It's the fanciest
tombstone in Cedarville.
Mrs. Stern
She was always an old fool about her nephew anyway.
Mrs. Drew
It's an awful shame his body was never found. Poor Archie's
probably in some ditch. It makes me shiver.
Mrs. Cumings
I wonder why she went to Boston so sudden.
Mrs. Stern
It's none of your business, Nellie Cumings, nor mine neither. I
expect she had some business.
Mrs. Drew
At least she's spared the spectacle of three girls puttin' on
mournin' for Archie.
Mrs. Stern
For my part, I don't believe any one of the three was ever really
engaged to Archie Lovell. He went round with all of them, of course,
but that wasn't anything—with him!
Mrs. Drew
I expect it's very easy for a girl to put on mourning when a man's
dead and she says she's been engaged to him!
Mrs. Stern
If any one of 'em had been engaged to Archie Lovell while he was
alive she'd have bragged enough about it at the time.
Mrs. Cumings
A soldier can never tell these days who'll take it into her head
to claim she was betrothed to him.
Mrs. Drew
The way things are going, the men are getting killed off so fast
that the only satisfaction a girl can get anyway is to go into
mourning for some of 'em, and I don't blame 'em if they do it!
Mrs. Stern
Let's hope they don't present the parish with a passel of brats.
Mrs. Drew
Sarah Stern! What a thing to say.
Mrs. Stern
Fiddlesticks. It won't be the first brat we've had since this war
started.
Mrs. Drew
If it was one of the three, it was Delia Burrage. He used to go
around with her all the time.
Mrs. Cumings
No more'n he did with Mattie Seaton. He used to see Mattie home
from singing school that winter before he enlisted!
Mrs. Drew
Well, anyway, when Delia presented the flag to the militia before
they marched off, he was with her all evening.
Mrs. Cumings
He used to go with Mattie a lot.
Mrs. Stern
He sent Mary Foster that wooden chair he carved.
Mrs. Cumings
Well, that was on a bet. That don't count. She told me so herself.
Mrs. Stern
I don't know how many girls Archie was engaged to—I dare say he
didn't know himself—and for all I know, he may have been engaged to
all three of these girls that are flying the black flag for him. But I
can tell you the girl he really wanted to marry—and she isn't in
black either.
Mrs. Cumings
Who is it?
Mrs. Drew
I don't know who there is that's any more likely to have been
engaged to him than Mattie.
Mrs. Stern
He'd no more have married her than he would me.
Mrs. Drew
Who is it then?
Mrs. Stern
Nancy Turner.
Mrs. Cumings
She's a sly one—
Mrs. Drew
Look, here comes Delia.
(The three gossips draw back. Delia Burrage, decked out in her best
crape, goes up to the tombstone and arranges some flowers. Everyone
stares.)
Mrs. Cumings
Here comes Mary Foster.
(Mary, also carrying flowers sails up, and, not to be outdone,
falls on her knees. Delia, not to be outshone, does so also. But Mary
has gained the upper hand.)
Mrs. Stern
Now we'll have a show, here comes Mattie!
Mrs. Cumings. Trust Mattie Seaton for not letting anybody get ahead of her.
(Mattie approaches, flinging back her long veil to reveal her
pretty face.)
Mattie (in a deliberately loud voice)
Oh, thank you so much for bringing flowers. Archie was so fond of
them!
(Mattie moves behind the tombstone and places a wreath she is
carrying over it. This leaves her standing with her two rivals
kneeling.)
Mrs. Drew
Is she boss of that grave or not, I ask you?
Mrs. Cumings
If that ain't the beatinest.
Mrs. Stern
I wish Archie Lovell could see that. He'd be more than willing to
get killed for a sight of his three widders and that Seaton girl
comin' it so over the others.
Mrs. Drew
He'd think he was a Mormon or a Turk.
Mrs. Cumings
He'd see the fun of it. Poor Archie, he did love a joke.
Mattie (in a broken voice)
Thank you so much for your sympathy.
(Mattie, after kissing the top of the tombstone, exits dramatically
in tears. Delia and Mary exchange a furious glance, but unable to
think of a retort, get to their feet almost as one and beat a retreat
in a different direction. The old gossips cannot restrain themselves
and begin to laugh.)
Mrs. Drew
God forgive me, I can't help laughin'.
Mrs. Cumings
Well, where's Nancy Turner?
Mrs. Drew
She didn't feel well enough to come this afternoon.
Mrs. Stern
She's with Old Lady Andrews.
Mrs. Drew
Old Lady Andrews got home?
Mrs. Stern
Yes, this noon.
Mrs. Cumings
But, you said she'd gone to Boston.
Mrs. Stern
Nobody knew but me.
Mrs. Drew (soberly)
Did she bring home Archie's body?
Mrs. Stern
Yes, she did. She had a dreadful time finding out anything, but
she has friends in Washington.
Mrs. Drew
Where was Archie buried?
Mrs. Tern He wasn't buried anywhere.
Mrs. Drew
Why not?
Mrs. Stern
'Cause he ain't dead.
Mrs. Cumings
Not dead!
Mrs. Stern
No, only taken prisoner. He was wounded and he's been in
Andersonville.
Mrs. Drew
How is he now?
Mrs. Stern
Oh, he's all right now. And here he comes, to see his gravestone.
(A Union Lieutenant and a girl in crinoline come in, arm in arm.)
Mrs. Cumings
Why, it's Nancy Turner with him.
Mrs. Stern
No, it's Nancy Lovell. They were married in Boston.
(A crowd has gathered. Miss Burrage and Miss Foster try to hide,
but Mattie Seaton daringly comes forward.)
Mattie
Why, Archie dear, we thought we had lost you forever. We all
supposed you were dead, and here you are, only married. Let me
congratulate you, though after being engaged to so many girls, it must
seem queer to be married to only one. Nancy, to think you got him
after all, just because you went ahead and caught him! I congratulate
you with all my heart, only look out for him. He'll make love to any
woman he sees. (she kisses the speechless Nancy) Come Delia, come
Mary! There's nothing for us to do but to go home and take off our
black. We may have better luck next time!
(Mattie sails out with Delia and Mary in tow.)
Mrs. Drew
Did you ever!
Mrs. Cumings
This is a scandal.
Mrs. Stern
Now that girl has grit!
CURTAIN