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Mr. Stocks, | Mr. Harper. | Jack Stocks, | Mr. Cibber, Jun. | First Buyer, | Mr. Berry. | Second Buyer, a Hackney-Coachman, | Mr. Mullart. | Lovemore, | Mr. Stoppelaer. | Whisk, |
Mr. R. Wetherilt.
WOMEN. | Chloe, | Miss Raftor. | Mrs. Stocks, Sister-in-Law to Stocks, | Mrs. Wetherilt . | Jenny, | Miss Williams. | Lady, | Mrs. Oates. | Servants, &c. |
SCENE LONDON.
Mr. Stocks, alone.
AIR I.
Set by Mr. SEEDO.
A lottery is a Taxation,
Upon all the Fools in Creation;
And Heav'n be prais'd,
It is easily rais'd,
Credulity's always in Fashion:
For, Folly's a Fund,
Will never lose Ground,
While Fools are so rife in the Nation.
[Knocking without.
Enter 1 Buyer.
1 Buyer.
Is not this a House where People buy Lottery-Tickets?
Stocks.
Yes, Sir—I believe I can furnish you with as good Tickets
as any one.
1 Buyer.
I suppose, Sir, 'tis all one to you, what Number a Man
fixes on.
Stock.
Any of my Numbers.
1 Buyer.
Because I wou'd be glad to have it, Sir, the Number of my
own Years, or my Wife's; or if I cou'd not have either of
those, I wou'd be glad to have it the Number of my Mother's.
Stocks.
Ay, or suppose now, it was the Number of your Grandmother's?
1 Buyer.
No, no! She has no Luck in Lotteries: She had a whole
Ticket, once, and got but fifty Pounds by it.
Stocks.
A very unfortunate Person, truly. Sir, my Clerk will furnish you,
if you'll walk that way up to the Office. Ha! ha, ha!—There's one
10000 l. got.—What an abundance of imaginary rich Men will
one Month reduce to their former Poverty. [Knocking without.]
Come in.
Enter 2 Buyer.
2 Buyer.
Does not your worship let Horses, Sir?
Stocks.
Ay, Friend.
2 Buyer.
I have got a little Money by driving a Hackney-Coach, and I
intend to ride it out in the Lottery.
Stocks.
You are in the right, it is the way to drive your own Coach.
2 Buyer.
I don't know, Sir, that—but I am willing to be in Fortune
's way, as the saying is.
Stocks.
You are a wise Man, and it is not impossible but you may be a
rich one—'tis not above—no matter, how many to one, but that you
are this Night worth 10000 l.
An belike you, Sir, I wou'd willingly ride upon the Number of my Coach.
Stocks.
Mr. Trick, let that Gentleman the Number of his
Coach—[Aside.] No matter whether we have it, or no. —As
the Gentleman is riding to a Castle in the Air, an airy Horse is the
properest to carry him. [Knocking hard without.] Heyday! this is
some Person of Quality, by the Impudence of the Footman.
Enter Lady.
Lady.
Your Servant, Mr. Stocks.
Stocks.
I am your Ladyship's most obedient Servant.
Lady.
I am come to buy some Tickets, and hire some Horses,
Mr. Stocks.—I intend to have twenty Tickets, and ten
Horses every Day.
Stocks.
By which, if your Ladyship has any Luck, you may very easily get
30 or 40000 l.
Lady.
Please to look at those Jewels, Sir—they cost my Lord upwards
of 6000 l.—I intend to lay out what you will lend upon 'em.
Enter Porter.
Well, Friend, what's your Business?Porter.
Here is a Letter for you, an't please you.
Stocks. [Reading.]
Brother Stocks,
Here is a young Lady come to lodge at my House from the Country, has desir'd me to find out some one who may instruct her bow to dispose of 10000 l. to the best Advantage.—I believe you will find her worth your Acquaintance; she seems a meer Novice, and I suppose has just receiv'd her Fortune, which is all that's Needful
From your affectionate Brother, Tim. Stocks.
Very well.—It requires no other Answer than that I will come.
[Knocking hard without.] Heyday! more People of Quality—
[Opens the Door.
Enter Jack Stocks.
Ha!J. Stocks.
Your Servant, Brother.
Stocks.
Your Servant, Brother.—Why, I have not seen you this Age.
J. Stocks.
I have been a Man of great Business lately.
Stocks.
I hope your Business has turn'd to a good Account. —I hope you
have clear'd handsomely.
J. Stocks.
Ay, it has turn'd to a very good Account.—I have clear'd my
Pockets, Faith!—
Stocks.
I am sorry for that—but I hope you will excuse me at present,
dear Brother.—Here is a Lady of Quality stays for me; but as soon as
this Hurry of Business is over, I shou'd be very glad to—drink a
Dish with you at any Coffee-House you will appoint.
J. Stocks.
Oh! I shall not detain you long; and so to cut the Affair as
short as possible, I desire you wou'd lend me a brace of Hundreds.
Stocks.
Brother!
J. Stocks.
A brace of Hundreds! 200 l. in your own Language.
Stocks.
Dear Jack, you know I wou'd as soon lend you 200 l.
as one, but I am at present so out of Cash, that—
J. Stocks.
Come, come, Brother, no Equivocation: 200 l. I must have,
and will.
Stocks.
Must have, and will!—Ay, and shall have too, if you can get
'em.
J. Stocks.
Sdeath! you fat Rascal; what Title had you to come into the World
before me?
Stocks.
You need not mention that, Brother; you know, my Riches, if I
have any, are owing to my Industry; as your Poverty is to your
Laziness, and Extravagance—and I have rais'd my self by the
Multiplication-Table, as you have undone your self at the
Hazard-Table.
Stocks.
Ay, and the first that has been worth a Groat in it. And tho' you
don't deserve it, I have thought of a Method to put you in a way to
make you the Second. There, read that Letter. [J. Stocks reads it
to himself.] Well, Sir, what say you to 10000 l. and a
Wife?
J. Stocks.
Say! that I only want to know how to get them.
Stocks.
Nothing so easy.—As she is certainly very silly, you may depend
upon it, she will be very fond of a Lac'd Coat, and a Lord.—Now I
will make over both those to you in an Instant.—My Lord Lace
hath pawn'd his last Suit of Birth-Night Clothes to me; and as I
intend to break before he can redeem 'em—The Clothes and the Title
are both at your Service.—So, if your Lordship pleases to walk in, I
will but just dispatch my Lady, and be with you.
J. Stocks.
If I can but nick this time, Ame's-Ace, I defy thee.
Enter Lovemore.
What a Chace has this Girl led me? However, I have track'd her all the way, till within a few Miles of this Town. —If I start her again, let her look to't.—I am mistaken, or she began to find her Passion growing too violent, before she attempted this Flight—and when once a Woman is fairly wounded, let her fly where she will, the Arrow still sticks in her Side.
Enter Whisk.
So, Whisk, have you heard any News?
Whisk.
News, Sir! ay, I have heard News, and such as will surprize you.
Love.
What! no Rival, I hope.
Whisk.
You will have Rivals enough now, I suppose.— Why, your Mistress
is got into a fine Lodging in Pall-Mall— I found her out by
meeting that Baggage her Maid, in the
Street, who wou'd scarce speak to me. I follow'd her to the Door;
where, in a very few Minutes, came out such a Procession of Milliners,
Mantua-makers, Dancing-masters, Fidlers, and the Devil knows what; as
I once remember at the equipping a Parliament-Man's Country Lady, to
pay her first Visit.
Love.
Ha! by all that's infamous, she is in Keeping already; some Bawd
has made Prize of her as she alighted from the Stage-Coach.—While
she has been flying from my Arms, she has fallen into the Colonel's.
AIR V.
Set by Mr. SEEDO.
How hapless is the Virgin's Fate,
Whom all Mankind's pursuing;
For while she flies this treach'rous Bait,
From that, she meets her Ruin.
So the poor Hare, when out of breath,
From Hound to Man is prest,
Then she encounters certain Death,
And 'scapes the gentler Beast.
[Exeunt
Enter Chloe, and Jenny.
Chloe.
Oh Jenny! mention not the Country, I faint at the Sound of
it—there is more Pleasure in the Rattling of one
Hackney-Coach, than in all the Musick that Romances tell us, of
singing Birds, and falling Waters.
AIR VI.
Set by Mr. SEEDO.
Farewel, ye Hills and Valleys;
Farewel ye verdant Shades;
I'll make more pleasant Sallies,
To Plays and Masquerades.
With Joy, for Town I barter
Those Banks where Flowers grow;
What are Roses to a Garter?
What Lilies to a Beau? Jenny.
Ay, Madam—wou'd the 10000 l. Prize were once come up.
Chloe.
Oh, Jenny! be under no Apprehension. It is not only from
what the Fortune-teller told me, but I saw it in a Coffee-Dish,
and I have dreamt of it every Night these three Weeks.—Indeed, I am
so sure of it, that I think of nothing but how I shall lay it out.
Jenny.
Oh, Madam! there is nothing so easy in Nature, in this Town, as
laying it out.
Chloe.
First of all, Jenny, I will buy one of the best Houses in
Town, and furnish it.—Then I intend to set up my Coach
and Six, and have six fine tall Footmen.—Then I will buy me as
many Jewels as I can wear.—All sorts of fine Clothes I'll have
too.—These I intend to purchase immediately: And then for the rest,
I shall make a shift, you know, to spend it in Housekeeping, Cards,
Plays, and Masquerades, and other Diversions.
Jenny.
It is possible you may.—She has laid out Twenty thousand of her
Ten, already.
Chloe.
Well, I shall be a happy Creature.—I long to begin, methinks.
AIR VII.
In Perseus and Andromeda.
Oh what Pleasures will abound,
When I've got ten thousand Pound!
Oh how courted I shall be!
Oh what Lords will kneel to me!
Who'll dispute my,
Wit and Beauty?
When my golden Charms are found:
O what Flattery,
In the Lottery,
When I've got ten thousand Pound!
An't I strangely alter'd in one Week, Jenny? Don't I begin
to look as if I was born and bred in London, already? Eh! does
not the nasty red Colour go down out of my Face? Han't I a good deal
of pale Quality in me?
Enter Servant.
Serv.
Madam! here's one Mr. Spadille at the Door.
Chloe.
Mr. Spadille! Who is that?
Jenny.
It is your Ladyship's Quadrille Master, Madam.
Chloe.
Bid him come another time.—I an't in a humour to learn any
thing more this Morning.—I'll take two Lessons to-morrow tho'—for
they tell me one is not qualify'd for any Company, till one can play
at Quadrille.
Serv.
Mr. Stocks the Broker too, Madam, is below.
Chloe.
Oh! that's the Gentleman who is to dispose of my Ten thousand
Pound for me—desire him to walk up. Is it not pretty now to have so
many Visitants. Is not this better than staying at home for whole
Weeks, and seeing none but the Curate and his Wife, or the Squire.
Jenny.
It may be better for you, than seeing the Squire; for, if I
mistake not, had you stay'd many Weeks longer, he had been a dangerous
Visitant.
Chloe.
I am afraid so too—for I began to be in love with him, and when
once a Woman's in love, Jenny—
Jenny.
Lud have Mercy upon her!
Enter Stocks.
Stocks.
I had the Honour of receiving your Commands, Madam.
Chloe.
Sir, your humble Servant.—Your Name is Mr. Stocks, I
suppose.
Stocks.
So I am call'd in the Alley, Madam; a Name, tho' I say it, which
wou'd be as well receiv'd at the bottom of a piece of Paper, as any
He's in the Kingdom. But if I mistake not, Madam, you wou'd be
instructed how to dispose of 10000 l.
Chloe.
I wou'd so, Sir.
Chloe.
The Charitable Corporation! pray, what is that?
Stocks.
That is, Madam, a Method invented, by some very wise Men, by
which the Rich may be charitable to the Poor, and be Money in Pocket
by it.
Enter Servant.
Serv.
Madam, here is one my Lord Lace desires to know if you are
at home.
Chloe.
Oh Gemini! Who's that?
Stocks.
He is a Man of the first Quality, and one of the best Estates in
the Kingdom: Why, he's as rich as a Supercargo.
Enter Jack Stocks, as Lord Lace.
J. Stocks.
Bid the Chair return again an Hour hence, and give Orders that
the Chariot be not us'd this Evening.—Madam, I am your most obedient
humble Servant.—Ha! Egad, Madam, I ask ten thousand Pardons, I
expected to have met another Lady.
Stocks.
I suppose your Lordship means the Countess of—
J. Stocks.
Ay, the Countess of Seven Dials.
Stocks.
She left these Lodgings this Day-Sev'night, my Lord, which was
the Day this Lady came into 'em.
J. Stocks.
I shall never forgive my self being guilty of so great an Error;
and unless the Breath of my Submission can blow up the Redundancy of
your Good-nature, till it raise the Wind of Compassion, I shall never
be able to get into the Harbour of Quiet.
Stocks.
Well said, Faith—the Boy has got something by following Plays,
I see.
AIR IX.
Set by Mr. SEEDO.
Chloe.
Alas! my Lord, you're too severe,
Upon so slight a thing;
And since I dare not speak for fear,
Oh give me leave to sing.
A Rural Maid you find in me,
That Fate I've oft deplor'd;
Yet think not I can angry be,
With such a noble Lord. J. Stocks.
Oh ravishing! exquisite! Exstasy! Joy! Transport! Misery! Flames!
Ice! How shall I thank this Goodness that undoes me!
Chloe.
Undoes you, my Lord!
J. Stocks.
Oh Madam! there is a hidden Poison in those Eyes, for which
Nature has no Antidote.
Jenny.
My Lord has the same Designs as the Squire, I fear, he makes Love
too violent for it to be honourable.
J. Stocks.
Nor I neither, Rat me! [Aside.] Say but you will be mine.
Chloe.
You are too hasty, Sir. Do you think I can give my Consent at
first Sight?
J. Stocks.
Oh! it is the Town way of Wooing; People never see one another
above twice before Marriage—
Stocks.
Which may be the reason why some of 'em scarce see one another
above twice after they are marry'd.
J. Stocks.
I wou'd not presume to ask such a thing, if I were not pressed by
Necessity. For, if I am not marry'd in a Day or two, I shall be
oblig'd to marry another whom I have promis'd already.
Chloe.
Nay, if you have been once false, you will always be so.
J. Stocks.
Let me beg leave, Madam, to give you a little Advice. I know
something of this Town.—Have nothing to do with that Fellow, he is
one of the greatest Rogues that ever was hang'd.
Chloe.
I thought, my Lord, you had spoke just now as if you had employ'd
him too.
Enter Lovemore.
Lovem.
My Chloe! Ha! can you turn thus disdainful from me?
Chloe.
Sir, I know you not.
Lovem.
Not know me! And is this the Fellow for whom I am unknown? this
Powder-Puff—Have you surrender'd to him in one Week, what I have
been Ages in soliciting?
J. Stock.
Hark'e, Sir,—whoever you are, I wou'd not have you think,
because I am a Beau, and a Lord, that I won't fight.
Lovem.
A Lord! Oh! there it is! the Charms are in the Title.—Yet what
will the Title avail to a Mistress? She will have no Pretensions to
it. A Lord's Mistress has no Title till he has marry'd her.
J. Stocks.
You will find, Sir, that a Lord's Wife has Honour, Sir, which it
will be dangerous to take away.
Lovem.
Ay, almost impossible! for why shou'd it not be as difficult to
take away her Honour, as her Husband's, which is quite impossible.
Lovem.
What can you see in this walking Perfume-shop, that can charm
you? Is this the Virtue, and the Virtue, that you have been thund'ring
in my Ears? Sdeath! I am distracted! that ever a Woman shou'd be proof
against the Arts of Mankind, and fall a Sacrifice to a Monkey.
Chloe.
Not worth your Lordship's Notice.
Lovem.
I wou'd advise you, my Lord, as you love the Safety of that
pretty Person of yours, not to let me find it at my Return; for if I
come within the Smell of your Pulvilio, I will so metamorphose your
Beauship—
J. Stocks.
Impudent Scoundrel!
Chloe.
I am frighten'd out of my Wits, for I know he is very desperate.
J. Stocks.
Oh, Madam! leave me to deal with him; I'll let a little Light
thro' his Body.
Chloe.
Ah! but my Lord! what will be the Consequence of that?
J. Stocks.
Nothing at all, Madam—I have kill'd half a Dozen such dirty
Fellows, and no Notice taken of it.
Chloe.
For my sake, my Lord, have a care of your self.
Chloe.
Oh fy! my Lord; the World will say I am a strange forward
Creature.
J. Stocks.
The World, Madam, might be saucy enough to talk of you, if you
were marry'd to a private Gentleman— but as you will be a Woman of
Quality, they won't be surpriz'd at any thing you do.
Chloe.
People of Quality have indeed Privileges, they say, beyond other
People.
Enter Lovemore.
Lovem.
Ha! flown? Mrs. Jenny, where's your Mistress?
Jenny.
My Mistress, Sir, is with my Master.
Lovem.
Damnation! Where? Shew me this Instant and—
Lovem.
Hark'e, Mrs. Minx, tell me where your Mistress is, or I'll
squeeze your little Soul out.
Jenny.
Oh, Murder! Murder! help! Murder!
Enter Mrs. Stocks.
Mrs. Stocks.
Heyday! what's the matter? Who is this committing Murder in my
House? Who are you, Sir? What Rascal, what Thief are you, Sir? Hey!
Lovem.
This must be the Bawd, by the Politeness of her Language.
[Aside.]—Dear Madam, be not in such a Passion; I am no bilking
younger Brother; and tho' I'm no Lord, you may find me a good
Customer, and as good a Paymaster as any lac'd Fop in Christendom.
Mrs. Stocks.
Sir, I keep no Shop—nor want any of your Custom.—What has he
done to you, Child?
Mrs. Stocks.
And what have you to do with her Mistress?
Love.
Why Faith, I am like to have nothing to do with her Mistress,
without your good Offices.—Look'e, Mother, let me have the First of
her, and here are 500 l. at your Service.
Mrs. Stocks.
What does the Saucebox mean?
Lovem.
Ha, ha, ha!
Enter Jack Stocks, and Chloe.
J. Stocks.
What's the matter, Mrs. Stocks?
Mrs. Stocks.
Oh, Madam! had you heard how I've been abus'd upon your
Account—here's a filthy Fellow has offer'd me Money to—
Mrs. Stocks.
To procure him your Ladyship—dear Madam.—
J. Stocks.
Sir, I desire you wou'd omit any farther Solicitations to this
Lady, and on that Condition, I forgive the past. This Lady is now my
Wife.
Lovem.
How! Is this true, Chloe?
Chloe.
Ev'n as you've heard, Sir.
J. Stocks.
Here's a Fellow won't take a Lord's Word for a Wife!
Lovem.
Henceforth, I will never take a Woman's Word for any thing.
AIR XVII.
Set by Mr. SEEDO.
Heav'n fear'd, when first it Woman made,
Too perfect she had been,
Therefore took care
That those who were,
Without so fair,
Shou'd be within
Well cramm'd with ev'ry Sin.
Enter Servant, who gives a Letter to Chloe, during the Song. She faints.
Jenny.
Help! help! my Lady faints!
Lovem.
Ha!
J. Stocks.
What can this mean?—This Letter must unfold—
Madam,
No. 4960, is a Blank. Ha, ha, ha!—My dear Angel—and cou'd that give you any Pain?
Chloe.
Does it not you?
J. Stocks.
Not a Moment's, my Dear, indeed.
Chloe.
And can you bear the Disappointment, without upbraiding me?
J. Stocks.
Upbraiding you! Ha, ha, ha! With what?
Chloe.
Why, did not you marry me for my Fortune?
J. Stocks.
No, no, my Dear—I marry'd you for your Person; I was in love
with that only, my Angel.
Chloe.
Then the Loss of my Fortune shall give me no longer Uneasiness.
J. Stocks.
Loss of your Fortune! Ha! How! What! What!
Chloe.
O my Dear! I had no Fortune, but what I promis'd my self from the
Lottery.
J. Stocks.
Ha!
Chloe.
So the Devil take all Lotteries, Dreams, and Conjurers.
J. Stocks.
The Devil take them, indeed—and am I marry'd to a
Lottery-Ticket, to an imaginary Ten thousand Pound? Death! Hell! and
Furies!
Chloe.
Is this your Love for me, my Lord?
J. Stocks.
Love for you! Damn you, Fool, Idiot.—Blood! Blunders! Blanks!
and Bubbles!
Jenny.
This it is to marry a Lord—he can't be civil to his Wife the
first Day.
Enter Stocks.
Stocks.
Madam, the Subscriptions are ready—and if my Lord—
J. Stocks.
Brother, this is a Trick of yours to ruin me.
Stocks.
Heyday! What's the matter now?
J. Stocks.
Matter! why, I have had a Levant thrown upon me.
Stocks.
A Blank?
J. Stocks.
Ay, a Blank; do you pretend to be ignorant of it? However, Madam,
you are bit as well as I am, for I am no more a Lord, than you are a
Fortune.—Here, Sir, take your Clothes again; I'll shew you I am no
Lord, for I scorn to wear fine Clothes, without a Shilling in my
Pocket.
Stocks.
And is this the 10000 l. I was to dispose of? I have been
trying to bring that to nothing, which was Nothing before.
AIR XVIII.
Si Caro.
Lovem.
Smile, smile, my Chloe, smile,
Repining banish,
Let Sorrow, let Sorrow vanish.
Grief does the fairest Complexion spoil.
Smile, smile, my Chloe, smile;
Lift up your charming,
Charming,
Charming,
Char—ming Eyes;
Charming,
Charming,
As Phoebus' brightest Rays in Summer Skies.
As you seem, Sir, to have no overbearing Fondness for your Wife,
I'll take her off your Hands.—As you have miss'd a Fortune with her,
what say you to a Fortune without her?—Resign over all Pretensions
in her to me, and I'll give you a thousand Pound this Instant.
J. Stocks.
Ha! Pox; I suppose they are a thousand Pounds you are to get in
the Lottery.
Lovem.
Sir, you shall receive 'em this Moment.
J. Stocks.
Shall I? Then, Sir, to shew you I'll be beforehand with you, here
she is—take her—and if ever I ask her back of you again, may I
lose the whole Thousand at the first Sitting!
Chloe.
And can you part with me so easily?
J. Stocks.
Part with you? If I was marry'd to the whole Sex, I'd part with
'em all for half the Money.
Lovem.
Come, my dear Chloe, had you been marry'd, as you
imagin'd, you shou'd have lost nothing by the Change.
Chloe.
A Lord! Faugh! I begin to despise the Name now, as heartily as I
lik'd it before.
Stocks.
Well, Jack, I hope you'll forgive me, for if I intended
you any Harm, may Tickets fall, and all the Horses I
have let To-day, be drawn Blanks To-morrow!
J. Stocks.
Brother, I believe you; for as I do not apprehend you cou'd have
got a Shilling by being a Rogue, it is possible you may have been
honest.
Lovem.
Come, my dear Chloe, don't let your Luck grieve you—you
are not the only Person has been deceiv'd in a Lottery.