Every Man Out Of His Humour

Ben Johson

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  • THE STAGE. After the second sounding.
  • ACT I
  • ACT II
  • ACT III
  • ACT IV
  • ACT V

  • Prepared Down Under in Australia by:
    Sue Asscher  asschers@dingoblue.net.au
    Amy E Zelmer a.zelmer@cqu.edu.au
    TO THE NOBLEST NURSERIES OF HUMANITY AND LIBERTY IN
    THE KINGDOM
     
    THE INNS OF COURT

    I UNDERSTAND you, Gentlemen, not your houses: and a worthy succession of you, to all time, as being born the judges of these studies. When I wrote this poem, I had friendship with divers in your societies; who, as they were great names in learning, so they were no less examples of living. Of them, and then, that I say no more, it was not despised. Now that the printer, by a doubled charge, thinks it worthy a longer life than commonly the air of such things doth promise, I am careful to put it a servant to their pleasures, who are the inheritors of the first favour born it. Yet, I command it lie not in the way of your more noble and useful studies to the public: for so I shall suffer for it. But when the gown and cap is off, and the lord of liberty reigns, then, to take it in your hands, perhaps may make some bencher, tincted with humanity, read and not repent him.

    By your true honourer,
    BEN JONSON.

    DRAMATIS PERSONAE
     
    ASPER, the Presenter.
    MACILENTE.
    PUNTARVOLO, — his Lady. — Waiting Gent. — Huntsman. — Servingmen. —
    Dog and Cat.
    CARLO BUFFONE.
    FASTIDIOUS BRISK, — Cinedo, his Page.
    DELIRO, FALLACE, — Fido, their Servant. — Musicians.
    SAVIOLINA.
    SORDIDO. — His Hind.
    FUNGOSO. — Tailor, Haberdasher, Shoemaker
    SOGLIARDO.
    SHIFT. — Rustics.
    NOTARY.
    CLOVE, ORANGE. — A Groom. — Drawers. — Constable, and Officers.
    GREX. — CORDATUS — MITIS.

    THE CHARACTERS OF THE PERSONS

    ASPER, he is of an ingenious and free spirit, eager and constant in reproof, without fear controlling the world's abuses. One whom no servile hope of gain, or frosty apprehension of danger, can make to be a parasite, either to time, place, or opinion.

    MACILENTE, a man well parted, a sufficient scholar, and travelled; who, wanting that place in the world's account which he thinks his merit capable of, falls into such an envious apoplexy, with which his judgment is so dazzled and distasted, that he grows violently impatient of any opposite happiness in another.

    PUNTARVOLO, a vain-glorious knight, over-englishing his travels, and wholly consecrated to singularity; the very Jacob's staff of compliment; a sir that hath lived to see the revolution of time in most of his apparel. Of presence good enough, but so palpably affected to his own praise, that for want of flatterers he commends himself, to the floutage of his own family. He deals upon returns, and strange performances, resolving, in despite of public derision, to stick to his own fashion, phrase, and gesture.

    CARLO BUFFONE, a public, scurrilous, and profane jester, that more swift than Circe, with absurd similes, will transform any person into deformity. A good feast-hound or banquet-beagle, that will scent you out a supper some three miles off, and swear to his patrons, damn him! he came in oars, when he was but wafted over in a sculler. A slave that hath an extraordinary gift in pleasing his palate, and will swill up more sack at a sitting than would make all the guard a posset. His religion is railing, and his discourse ribaldry.

    FASTIDIOUS BRISK, a neat, spruce, affecting courtier, one that wears clothes well, and in fashion; practiseth by his glass how to salute; speaks good remnants, notwithstanding the base viol and tobacco; swears tersely and with variety; cares not what lady's favour he belies, or great man's familiarity: a good property to perfume the boot of a coach. He will borrow another man's horse to praise, and backs him as his own. Or, for a need, on foot can post himself into credit with his merchant, only with the gingle of his spur, and the jerk of his wand.

    DELIRO, a good doting citizen, who, it is thought, might be of the common-council for his wealth; a fellow sincerely besotted on his own wife, and so wrapt with a conceit of her perfections, that he simply holds himself unworthy of her. And, in that hood-wink'd humour, lives more like a suitor than a husband; standing in as true dread of her displeasure, as when he first made love to her. He doth sacrifice two-pence in juniper to her every morning before she rises, and wakes her with villainous-out-of-tune music, which she out of her contempt (though not out of her judgment) is sure to dislike.

    FALLACE, Deliro's wife, and idol; a proud mincing peat, and as perverse as he is officious. She dotes as perfectly upon the courtier, as her husband doth on her, and only wants the face to be dishonest.

    SAVIOLINA, a court-lady, whose weightiest praise is a light wit, admired by herself, and one more, her servant Brisk.

    SORDIDO, a wretched hob-nailed chuff, whose recreation is reading of almanacks; and felicity, foul weather. One that never pray'd but for a lean dearth, and ever wept in a fat harvest.

    FUNGOSO, the son of Sordido, and a student; one that has revelled in his time, and follows the fashion afar off, like a spy. He makes it the whole bent of his endeavours to wring sufficient means from his wretched father, to put him in the courtiers' cut; at which he earnestly aims, but so unluckily, that he still lights short a suit.

    SOGLIARDO, an essential clown, brother to Sordido, yet so enamoured of the name of a gentleman, that he will have it, though he buys it. He comes up every term to learn to take tobacco, and see new motions. He is in his kingdom when in company where he may be well laughed at.

    SHIFT, a thread-bare shark; one that never was a soldier, yet lives upon lendings. His profession is skeldring and odling, his bank Paul's, and his warehouse Picthatch. Takes up single testons upon oaths, till doomsday. Falls under executions of three shillings, and enters into five-groat bonds. He way-lays the reports of services, and cons them without book, damning himself he came new from them, when all the while he was taking the diet in the bawdy-house, or lay pawned in his chamber for rent and victuals. He is of that admirable and happy memory, that he will salute one for an old acquaintance that he never saw in his life before. He usurps upon cheats, quarrels, and robberies, which he never did, only to get him a name. His chief exercises are, taking the whiff, squiring a cockatrice, and making privy searches for imparters.

    CLOVE and ORANGE, an inseparable case of coxcombs, city born; the Gemini, or twins of foppery; that like a pair of wooden foils, are fit for nothing but to be practised upon. Being well flattered they'll lend money, and repent when they have done. Their glory is to invite players, and make suppers. And in company of better rank, to avoid the suspect of insufficiency, will inforce their ignorance most desperately, to set upon the understanding of any thing. Orange is the most humorous of the two, (whose small portion of juice being squeezed out,) Clove serves to stick him with commendations.

    CORDATUS, the author's friend; a man inly acquainted with the scope and drift of his plot; of a discreet and understanding judgment; and has the place of a moderator.

    MITIS, is a person of no action, and therefore we afford him no character.



    THE STAGE. After the second sounding.



    ENTER CORDATUS, ASPER, AND MITIS.

    COR. Nay, my dear Asper.

    MIT. Stay your mind.

    ASP. Away!
    Who is so patient of this impious world,
    That he can check his spirit, or rein his tongue?
    Or who hath such a dead unfeeling sense,
    That heaven's horrid thunders cannot wake?
    To see the earth crack'd with the weight of sin,
    Hell gaping under us, and o'er our heads
    Black, ravenous ruin, with her sail-stretch'd wings,
    Ready to sink us down, and cover us.
    Who can behold such prodigies as these,
    And have his lips seal'd up? Not I: my soul
    Was never ground into such oily colours,
    To flatter vice, and daub iniquity:
    But, with an armed and resolved hand,
    I'll strip the ragged follies of the time
    Naked as at their birth —

    COR. Be not too bold.

    ASP. You trouble me — and with a whip of steel,
    Print wounding lashes in their iron ribs.
    I fear no mood stamp'd in a private brow,
    When I am pleased t'unmask a public vice.
    I fear no strumpet's drugs, nor ruffian's stab,
    Should I detect their hateful luxuries:
    No broker's usurer's, or lawyer's gripe,
    Were I disposed to say, they are all corrupt.
    I fear no courtier's frown, should I applaud
    The easy flexure of his supple hams.
    Tut, these are so innate and popular,
    That drunken custom would not shame to laugh,
    In scorn, at him, that should but dare to tax 'em:
    And yet, not one of these, but knows his works,
    Knows what damnation is, the devil, and hell;
    Yet hourly they persist, grow rank in sin,
    Puffing their souls away in perjurous air,
    To cherish their extortion, pride, or lusts.

    MIT. Forbear, good Asper; be not like your name.

    ASP. O, but to such whose faces are all zeal,
    And, with the words of Hercules, invade
    Such crimes as these! that will not smell of sin,
    But seem as they were made of sanctity!
    Religion in their garments, and their hair
    Cut shorter than their eye-brows! when the conscience
    Is vaster than the ocean, and devours
    More wretches than the counters.

    MIT. Gentle Asper,
    Contain our spirits in more stricter bounds,
    And be not thus transported with the violence
    Of your strong thoughts.

    COX. Unless your breath had power,
    To melt the world, and mould it new again,
    It is in vain to spend it in these moods.

    ASP. [TURNING TO THE STAGE.]
    I not observed this thronged round till now !
    Gracious and kind spectators, you are welcome;
    Apollo and Muses feast your eyes
    With graceful objects, and may our Minerva
    Answer your hopes, unto their largest strain!
    Yet here mistake me not, judicious friends;
    I do not this, to beg your patience,
    Or servilely to fawn on your applause,
    Like some dry brain, despairing in his merit.
    Let me be censured by the austerest brow,
    Where I want art or judgment, tax me freely.
    Let envious censors, with their broadest eyes,
    Look through and through me, I pursue no favour;
    Only vouchsafe me your attentions,
    And I will give you music worth your ears.
    O, how I hate the monstrousness of time,
    Where every servile imitating spirit,
    Plagued with an itching leprosy of wit,
    In a mere halting fury, strives to fling
    His ulcerous body in the Thespian spring,
    And straight leaps forth a poet! but as lame
    As Vulcan, or the founder of Cripplegate.

    MIT. In faith this humour will come ill to some,
    You will be thought to be too peremptory.

    ASP. This humour? good! and why this humour, Mitis?
    Nay, do not turn, but answer.

    MIT. Answer, what?

    ASP. I will not stir your patience, pardon me,
    I urged it for some reasons, and the rather
    To give these ignorant well-spoken days
    Some taste of their abuse of this word humour.

    COR. O, do not let your purpose fall, good Asper;
    It cannot but arrive most acceptable,
    Chiefly to such as have the happiness
    Daily to see how the poor innocent word
    Is rack'd and tortured.

    MIT. Ay, I pray you proceed.

    ASP. Ha, what? what is't?

    COR. For the abuse of humour.

    ASP. O, I crave pardon, I had lost my thoughts.
    Why humour, as 'tis 'ens', we thus define it,
    To be a quality of air, or water,
    And in itself holds these two properties,
    Moisture and fluxure: as, for demonstration,
    Pour water on this floor, 'twill wet and run:
    Likewise the air, forced through a horn or trumpet,
    Flows instantly away, and leaves behind
    A kind of dew; and hence we do conclude,
    That whatsoe'er hath fluxure and humidity,
    As wanting power to contain itself,
    Is humour. So in every human body,
    The choler, melancholy, phlegm, and blood,
    By reason that they flow continually
    In some one part, and are not continent,
    Receive the name of humours. Now thus far
    It may, by metaphor, apply itself
    Unto the general disposition:
    As when some one peculiar quality
    Doth so possess a man, that it doth draw
    All his affects, his spirits, and his powers,
    In their confluctions, all to run one way,
    This may be truly said to be a humour
    But that a rook, by wearing a pyed feather,
    The cable hat-band, or the three-piled ruff,
    A yard of shoe-tye, or the Switzer's knot
    On his French garters, should affect a humour!
    O, it is more than most ridiculous.

    COR. He speaks pure truth; now if an idiot
    Have but an apish or fantastic strain,
    It is his humour.

    ASP. Well, I will scourge those apes,
    And to these courteous eyes oppose a mirror,
    As large as is the stage whereon we act;
    Where they shall see the time's deformity
    Anatomised in every nerve, and sinew,
    With constant courage, and contempt of fear.

    MIT. Asper, (I urge it as your friend,) take heed,
    The days are dangerous, full of exception,
    And men are grown impatient of reproof.

    ASP. Ha, ha!
    You might as well have told me, yond' is heaven,
    This earth, these men, and all had moved alike. —
    Do not I know the time's condition?
    Yes, Mitis, and their souls; and who they be
    That either will or can except against me.
    None but a sort of fools, so sick in taste,
    That they contemn all physic of the mind,
    And like gall'd camels, kick at every touch.
    Good men, and virtuous spirits, that loath their vices,
    Will cherish my free labours, love my lines,
    And with the fervour of their shining grace
    Make my brain fruitful, to bring forth more objects,
    Worthy their serious and intentive eyes.
    But why enforce I this? as fainting? no.
    If any here chance to behold himself,
    Let him not dare to challenge me of wrong;
    For, if he shame to have his follies known,
    First he should shame to act 'em: my strict hand
    Was made to seize on vice, and with a gripe
    Squeeze out the humour of such spongy souls,
    As lick up every idle vanity.

    COR. Why, this is right furor poeticus!
    Kind gentlemen, we hope your patience
    Will yet conceive the best, or entertain
    This supposition, that a madman speaks.

    ASP. What, are you ready there? Mitis, sit down,
    And my Cordatus. Sound ho! and begin.
    I leave you two, as censors, to sit here:
    Observe what I present, and liberally
    Speak your opinions upon every scene,
    As it shall pass the view of these spectators.
    Nay, now y'are tedious, sirs; for shame begin.
    And, Mitis, note me; if in all this front
    You can espy a gallant of this mark,
    Who, to be thought one of the judicious,
    Sits with his arms thus wreath'd, his hat pull'd here,
    Cries mew, and nods, then shakes his empty head,
    Will shew more several motions in his face
    Than the new London, Rome, or Niniveh,
    And, now and then, breaks a dry biscuit jest,
    Which, that it may more easily be chew'd,
    He steeps in his own laughter.

    COR. Why, will that
    Make it be sooner swallowed?

    ASP. O, assure you.
    Or if it did not, yet as Horace sings,
    Mean cates are welcome still to hungry guests.

    COR. 'Tis true; but why should we observe them, Asper?

    ASP. O, I would know 'em; for in such assemblies
    They are more infectious than the pestilence:
    And therefore I would give them pills to purge,
    And make them fit for fair societies.
    How monstrous and detested is't to see
    A fellow that has neither art nor brain,
    Sit like an Aristarchus, or start ass,
    Taking men's lines with a tobacco face,
    In snuff still spitting, using his wry'd looks,
    In nature of a vice, to wrest and turn
    The good aspect of those that shall sit near him,
    From what they do behold! O, 'tis most vile.

    MIT. Nay, Asper.

    ASP. Peace, Mitis, I do know your thought;
    You'll say, your guests here will except at this:
    Pish! you are too timorous, and full of doubt.
    Then he, a patient, shall reject all physic,
    'Cause the physician tells him, you are sick:
    Or, if I say, that he is vicious,
    You will not hear of virtue. Come, you are fond.
    Shall I be so extravagant, to think,
    That happy judgments, and composed spirits,
    Will challenge me for taxing such as these?
    I am ashamed.

    COR. Nay, but good, pardon us;
    We must not bear this peremptory sail,
    But use our best endeavours how to please.

    ASP. Why, therein I commend your careful thoughts,
    And I will mix with you in industry
    To please: but whom? attentive auditors,
    Such as will join their profit with their pleasure,
    And come to feed their understanding parts:
    For these I'll prodigally spread myself,
    And speak away my spirit into air;
    For these, I'll melt my brain into invention,
    Coin new conceits, and hang my richest words
    As polish'd jewels in their bounteous ears?
    But stay, I lose myself, and wrong their patience:
    If I dwell here, they'll not begin, I see.
    Friends, sit you still, and entertain this troop
    With some familiar and by-conference,
    I'll hast them sound. Now, gentlemen, I go
    To turn an actor, and a humorist,
    Where, ere I do resume my present person,
    We hope to make the circles of your eyes
    Flow with distilled laughter: if we fail,
    We must impute it to this only chance,
    Art hath an enemy call'd ignorance.
    [EXIT.

    COR. How do you like his spirit, Mitis?

    MIT. I should like it much better, if he were less confident.

    COR. Why, do you suspect his merit?

    MIT. No; but I fear this will procure him much envy.

    COR. O, that sets the stronger seal on his desert: if he had no enemies,
    I should esteem his fortunes most wretched at this instant.

    MIT. You have seen his play, Cordatus: pray you, how is it?

    COR. Faith, sir, I must refrain to judge; only this I can say of it, 'tis
    strange, and of a particular kind by itself, somewhat like 'Vetus
    Comoedia'; a work that hath bounteously pleased me; how it will answer the
    general expectation, I know not.

    MIT. Does he observe all the laws of comedy in it?

    COR. What laws mean you?

    MIT. Why, the equal division of it into acts and scenes, according to the
    Terentian manner; his true number of actors; the furnishing of the scene
    with Grex or Chorus, and that the whole argument fall within compass of a
    day's business.

    COR. O no, these are too nice observations.

    MIT. They are such as must be received, by your favour, or it cannot be
    authentic.

    COR. Troth, I can discern no such necessity.

    MIT. No!

    COR. No, I assure you, signior. If those laws you speak of had been
    delivered us 'ab initio', and in their present virtue and perfection, there
    had been some reason of obeying their powers; but 'tis extant, that that
    which we call 'Comoedia', was at first nothing but a simple and continued
    song, sung by one only person, till Susario invented a second; after him,
    Epicharmus a third; Phormus and Chionides devised to have four actors, with
    a prologue and chorus; to which Cratinus, long after, added a fifth and
    sixth: Eupolis, more; Aristophanes, more than they; every man in the
    dignity of his spirit and judgment supplied something. And, though that in
    him this kind of poem appeared absolute, and fully perfect, yet how is the
    face of it changed since, in Menander, Philemon, Cecilius, Plautus, and the
    rest! who have utterly excluded the chorus, altered the property of the
    persons, their names, and natures, and augmented it with all liberty,
    according to the elegancy and disposition of those times wherein they
    wrote. I see not then, but we should enjoy the same license, or free power
    to illustrate and heighten our invention, as they did; and not be tied to
    those strict and regular forms which the niceness of a few, who are nothing
    but form, would thrust upon us.

    MIT. Well, we will not dispute of this now; but what's his scene?

    COR. Marry, 'Insula Fortunata', sir.

    MIT. O, the Fortunate Island: mass, he has bound himself to a strict law
    there.

    COR. Why so?

    MIT. He cannot lightly alter the scene, without crossing the seas.

    COR. He needs not, having a whole island to run through, I think.

    MIT. No! how comes it then, that in some one play we see so many seas,
    countries, and kingdoms, passed over with such admirable dexterity?

    COR. O, that but shews how well the authors can travel in their vocation,
    and outrun the apprehension of their auditory. But, leaving this, I would
    they would begin at once: this protraction is able to sour the
    best-settled patience in the theatre.
    [THE THIRD SOUNDING.

    MIT. They have answered your wish, sir; they sound.

    COR. O, here comes the Prologue.
    [ENTER PROLOGUE.
    Now, sir, if you had staid a little longer, I meant to have spoke your
    prologue for you i'faith.

    PROL. Marry, with all my heart, sir, you shall do it yet, and I thank you.
    [GOING.

    COR. Nay, nay, stay, stay; hear you?

    PROL. You could not have studied to have done me a greater benefit at the
    instant; for I protest to you, I am unperfect, and, had I spoke it, I must
    of necessity have been out.

    COR. Why, but do you speak this seriously?

    PROL. Seriously! ay, wit's my help, do I; and esteem myself indebted to
    your kindness for it.

    COR. For what?

    PROL. Why, for undertaking the prologue for me.

    COR. How! did I undertake it for you?

    PROL. Did you! I appeal to all these gentlemen, whether you did or no.
    Come, come, it pleases you to cast a strange look on't now; but 'twill not
    serve.

    COR. 'Fore me, but it must serve; and therefore speak your prologue.

    PROL. An I do, let me die poisoned with some venomous hiss, and never live
    to look as high as the two-penny room again.
    [EXIT.

    MIT. He has put you to it, sir.

    COR. 'Sdeath, what a humorous fellow is this! Gentlemen, good faith I can
    speak no prologue, howsoever his weak wit has had the fortune to make this
    strong use of me here before you: but I protest —

    [ENTER CARLO BUFFONE, FOLLOWED BY A BOY WITH WINE.

    CAR. Come, come, leave these fustian protestations; away, come, I cannot
    abide these grey-headed ceremonies. Boy, fetch me a glass quickly, I may
    bid these gentlemen welcome; give them a health here. [EXIT BOY.] I
    mar'le whose wit it was to put a prologue in yond' sackbut's mouth; they
    might well think he'd be out of tune, and yet you'd play upon him too.

    COR. Hang him, dull block!

    CAR. O, good words, good words; a well-timber'd fellow, he would have made
    a good column, an he had been thought on, when the house was a building —
    [RE-ENTER BOY WITH GLASSES..
    O, art thou come? Well said; give me, boy; fill so! Here's a cup of wine
    sparkles like a diamond. Gentlewomen (I am sworn to put them in first) and
    gentlemen, around, in place of a bad prologue, I drink this good draught to
    your health here, Canary, the very elixir and spirit of wine. [DRINKS.]
    This is that our poet calls Castalian liquor, when he comes abroad now and
    then, once in a fortnight, and makes a good meal among players, where he
    has 'caninum appetitum'; marry, at home he keeps a good philosophical diet,
    beans and butter-milk; an honest pure rogue, he will take you off three,
    four, five of these, one after another, and look villainously when he has
    done, like a one-headed Cerberus. — He does not hear me, I hope. — And
    then, when his belly is well ballaced, and his brain rigged a little, he
    snails away withal, as though he would work wonders when he comes home. He
    has made a play here, and he calls it, 'Every Man out of his Humour': but
    an he get me out of the humour he has put me in, I'll trust none of his
    tribe again while I live. Gentles, all I can say for him is, you are
    welcome. I could wish my bottle here amongst you; but there's an old rule,
    No pledging your own health. Marry, if any here be thirsty for it, their
    best way (that I know) is, sit still, seal up their lips, and drink so much
    of the play in at their ears.
    [EXIT.

    MIT. What may this fellow be, Cordatus?

    COR. Faith, if the time will suffer his description, I'll give it you. He
    is one, the author calls him Carlo Buffone, an impudent common jester, a
    violent railer, and an incomprehensible epicure; one whose company is
    desired of all men, but beloved of none; he will sooner lose his soul than
    a jest, and profane even the most holy things, to excite laughter: no
    honourable or reverend personage whatsoever can come within the reach of
    his eye, but is turned into all manner of variety, by his adulterate
    similes.

    MIT. You paint forth a monster.

    COR. He will prefer all countries before his native, and thinks he can
    never sufficiently, or with admiration enough, deliver his affectionate
    conceit of foreign atheistical policies. But stay —
    [ENTER MACILENTE.
    Observe these: he'll appear himself anon.

    MIT. O, this is your envious man, Macilente, I think.

    COR. The same, sir.


    ACT I



    SCENE I. — The Country.



    ENTER MACILENTE, WITH A BOOK.

    MACI. "Viri est, fortunae caecitatem facile ferre."
    'Tis true; but, Stoic, where, in the vast world,
    Doth that man breathe, that can so much command
    His blood and his affection? Well, I see
    I strive in vain to cure my wounded soul;
    For every cordial that my thoughts apply
    Turns to a corsive and doth eat it farther.
    There is no taste in this philosophy;
    'Tis like a potion that a man should drink,
    But turns his stomach with the sight of it.
    I am no such pill'd Cynick to believe,
    That beggary is the only happiness;
    Or with a number of these patient fools,
    To sing: "My mind to me a kingdom is,"
    When the lank hungry belly barks for food,
    I look into the world, and there I meet
    With objects, that do strike my blood-shot eyes
    Into my brain: where, when I view myself,
    Having before observ'd this man is great,
    Mighty and fear'd; that lov'd and highly favour'd:
    A third thought wise and learn'd; a fourth rich,
    And therefore honour'd; a fifth rarely featur'd;
    A sixth admired for his nuptial fortunes:
    When I see these, I say, and view myself,
    I wish the organs of my sight were crack'd;
    And that the engine of my grief could cast
    Mine eyeballs, like two globes of wildfire, forth,
    To melt this unproportion'd frame of nature.
    Oh, they are thoughts that have transfix'd my heart,
    And often, in the strength of apprehension,
    Made my cold passion stand upon my face,
    Like drops of dew on a stiff cake of ice.

    COR. This alludes well to that of the poet,
    "Invidus suspirat, gemit, incutitque dentes,
    Sudat frigidus, intuens quod odit."

    MIT. O, peace, you break the scene.

    [ENTER SOGLIARDO AND CARLO BUFFONE.

    MACI. Soft, who be these?
    I'll lay me down awhile till they be past.
    [LIES DOWN.

    CAR. Signior, note this gallant, I pray you.

    MIT. What is he?

    CAR. A tame rook, you'll take him presently; list.

    SOG. Nay, look you, Carlo; this is my humour now! I have land and money,
    my friends left me well, and I will be a gentleman whatsoever it cost me.

    CAR. A most gentlemanlike resolution.

    SOG. Tut! an I take an humour of a thing once, I am like your tailor's
    needle, I go through: but, for my name, signior, how think you? will it
    not serve for a gentleman's name, when the signior is put to it, ha?

    CAR. Let me hear; how is it?

    SOG. Signior Insulso Sogliardo: methinks it sounds well.

    CAR. O excellent! tut! an all fitted to your name, you might very well
    stand for a gentleman: I know many Sogliardos gentlemen.

    SOG. Why, and for my wealth I might be a justice of peace.

    CAR. Ay, and a constable for your wit.

    SOG. All this is my lordship you see here, and those farms you came by.

    CAR. Good steps to gentility too, marry: but, Sogliardo, if you affect to
    be a gentleman indeed, you must observe all the rare qualities, humours,
    and compliments of a gentleman.

    SOG. I know it, signior, and if you please to instruct, I am not too good
    to learn, I'll assure you.

    CAR. Enough, sir. — I'll make admirable use in the projection of my
    medicine upon this lump of copper here. [ASIDE] — I'll bethink me for
    you, sir.

    SOG. Signior, I will both pay you, and pray you, and thank you, and think
    on you.

    COR. Is this not purely good?

    MACI. S'blood, why should such a prick-ear'd hind as this
    Be rich, ha? a fool! such a transparent gull
    That may be seen through! wherefore should he have land,
    Houses, and lordships? O, I could eat my entrails,
    And sink my soul into the earth with sorrow.

    CAR. First, to be an accomplished gentleman, that is, a gentleman of the
    time, you must give over housekeeping in the country, and live altogether
    in the city amongst gallants: where, at your first appearance, 'twere good
    you turn'd four or five hundred acres of your best land into two or three
    trunks of apparel — you may do it without going to a conjurer — and be
    sure you mix yourself still with such as flourish in the spring of the
    fashion, and are least popular; study their carriage and behaviour in all;
    learn to play at primero and passage, and ever (when you lose) have two or
    three peculiar oaths to swear by, that no man else swears: but, above all,
    protest in your play, and affirm, "Upon your credit, As you are a true gentleman", at every cast; you may do it with a safe conscience, I warrant you.
    SOG. O admirable rare! he cannot choose but be a gentleman that has these
    excellent gifts: more, more, I beseech you.

    CAR. You must endeavour to feed cleanly at your ordinary, sit melancholy,
    and pick your teeth when you cannot speak: and
    when you come to plays, be humorous, look with a good starch'd face, and
    ruffle your brow like a new boot, laugh at nothing but your own jests, or
    else as the noblemen laugh. That's a special grace you must observe.

    SAG. I warrant you, sir.

    CAR. Ay, and sit on the stage and flout, provided you have a good suit.

    SOG. O, I'll have a suit only for that, sir.

    CAR. You must talk much of your kindred and allies.

    SOG. Lies! no, signior, I shall not need to do so, I have kindred in the
    city to talk of: I have a niece is a merchant's wife; and a nephew, my
    brother Sordido's son, of the Inns of court.

    CAR. O, but you must pretend alliance with courtiers and great persons:
    and ever when you are to dine or sup in any strange presence, hire a fellow
    with a great chain, (though it be copper, it's no matter,) to bring you
    letters, feign'd from such a nobleman, or such a knight, or such a lady,
    "To their worshipful, right rare, and nobly qualified friend and kinsman,
    signior Insulso Sogliardo": give yourself style enough. And there, while
    you intend circumstances of news, or enquiry of their health, or so, one of
    your familiars whom you must carry about you still, breaks it up, as 'twere
    in a jest, and reads it publicly at the table: at which you must seem to
    take as unpardonable offence, as if he had torn your mistress's colours, or
    breath'd upon her picture, and pursue it with that hot grace, as if you
    would advance a challenge upon it presently.

    SOG. Stay, I do not like that humour of challenge, it may be accepted; but
    I'll tell you what's my humour now, I will do this: I will take occasion
    of sending one of my suits to the tailor's, to have the pocket repaired, or
    so; and there such a letter as you talk of, broke open and all shall be
    left; O, the tailor will presently give out what I am, upon the reading of
    it, worth twenty of your gallants.

    CAR. But then you must put on an extreme face of discontentment at your
    man's negligence.

    SOG. O, so I will, and beat him too: I'll have a man for the purpose.

    MAC. You may; you have land and crowns: O partial fate!

    CAR. Mass, well remember'd, you must keep your men gallant at the first,
    fine pied liveries laid with good gold lace; there's no loss in it, they
    may rip it off and pawn it when they lack victuals.

    SOG. By 'r Lady, that is chargeable, signior, 'twill bring a man in debt.

    CAR. Debt! why that's the more for your credit, sir: it's an excellent
    policy to owe much in these days, if you note it.

    SOG. As how, good signior? I would fain be a politician.

    CAR. O! look where you are indebted any great sum, your creditor observes
    you with no less regard, than if he were bound to you for some huge
    benefit, and will quake to give you the least cause of offence, lest he
    lose his money. I assure you, in these
    times, no man has his servant more obsequious and pliant, than gentlemen
    their creditors: to whom, if at any time you pay but a moiety, or a fourth
    part, it comes more acceptably than if you gave them a new-year's gift.

    SOG. I perceive you, sir: I will take up, and bring myself in credit, sure.

    CAR. Marry this, always beware you commerce not with bankrupts, or poor
    needy Ludgathians; they are impudent creatures, turbulent spirits, they
    care not what violent tragedies they stir, nor how they play fast and loose
    with a poor gentleman's fortunes, to get their own. Marry, these rich
    fellows that have the world, or the better part of it, sleeping in their
    counting-houses, they are ten times more placable, they; either fear, hope,
    or modesty, restrains them from offering any outrages: but this is nothing
    to your followers, you shall not run a penny more in arrearage for them, an
    you list, yourself.

    SOG. No! how should I keep 'em then?

    CAR. Keep 'em! 'sblood, let them keep themselves, they are no sheep, are
    they? what, you shall come in houses, where plate, apparel, jewels, and
    divers other pretty commodities lie negligently scattered, and I would have
    those Mercuries follow me, I trow, should remember they had not their
    fingers for nothing.

    SOG. That's not so good, methinks.

    CAR. Why, after you have kept them a fortnight, or so, and shew'd them
    enough to the world, you may turn them away, and keep no more but a boy,
    it's enough.

    SOG. Nay, my humour is not for boys, I'll keep men, an I keep any; and
    I'll give coats, that's my humour: but I lack a cullisen.

    CAR. Why, now you ride to the city, you may buy one; I'll bring you where
    you shall have your choice for money.

    SOG. Can you, sir?

    CAR. O, ay: you shall have one take measure of you, and make you a coat
    of arms to fit you, of what fashion you will.

    SOG. By word of mouth, I thank you, signior; I'll be once a little
    prodigal in a humour, i'faith, and have a most prodigious coat.

    MAC. Torment and death! break head and brain at once,
    To be deliver'd of your fighting issue.
    Who can endure to see blind Fortune dote thus?
    To be enamour'd on this dusty turf,
    This clod, a whoreson puck-fist! O G——!
    I could run wild with grief now, to behold
    The rankness of her bounties, that doth breed
    Such bulrushes; these mushroom gentlemen,
    That shoot up in a night to place and worship.

    CAR. [SEEING MACILENTE.] Let him alone; some stray, some stray.

    SOG. Nay, I will examine him before I go, sure.

    CAR. The lord of the soil has all wefts and strays here, has he not?

    SOG. Yes, sir.

    CAR. Faith then I pity the poor fellow, he's fallen into a fool's hands.
    [ASIDE.

    SOG. Sirrah, who gave you a commission to lie in my lordship?

    MAC. Your lordship!

    SOG. How! my lordship? do you know me, sir?

    MAC. I do know you, sir.

    CAR. He answers him like an echo.
    [ASIDE.

    SOG. Why, Who am I, sir?

    MAC. One of those that fortune favours.

    CAR. The periphrasis of a fool. I'll observe this better.
    [ASIDE.

    SOG. That fortune favours! how mean you that, friend?

    MAC. I mean simply: that you are one that lives not by your wits.

    SOG. By my wits! no sir, I scorn to live by my wits, I. I have better
    means, I tell thee, than to take such base courses, as to live by my wits.
    What, dost thou think I live by my wits?

    MAC. Methinks, jester, you should not relish this well.

    CAR. Ha! does he know me?

    MAC. Though yours be the worst use a man can put his wit to, of thousands,
    to prostitute it at every tavern and ordinary; yet, methinks, you should
    have turn'd your broadside at this, and have been ready with an apology,
    able to sink this hulk of ignorance into the bottom and depth of his
    contempt.

    CAR. Oh, 'tis Macilente! Signior, you are well encountered; how is it?
    O, we must not regard what he says, man, a trout, a shallow fool, he has no
    more brain than a butterfly, a mere stuft suit; he looks like a musty
    bottle new wicker'd, his head's the cork, light, light! [ASIDE TO
    MACILENTE.] — I am glad to see you so well return'd, signior.

    MAC. You are! gramercy, good Janus.

    SOG. Is he one of your acquaintance? I love him the better for that.

    CAR. Od's precious, come away, man, what do you mean? an you knew him as
    I do, you'd shun him as you would do the plague.

    SOG. Why, sir?

    CAR. O, he's a black fellow, take heed of him.

    SOG. Is he a scholar, or a soldier?

    CAR. Both, both; a lean mongrel, he looks as if he were chop-fallen, with
    barking at other men's good fortunes: 'ware how you offend him; he carries
    oil and fire in his pen, will scald where it drops: his spirit is like
    powder, quick, violent; he'll blow a man up with a jest: I fear him worse
    than a rotten wall does the cannon; shake an hour after at the report.
    Away, come not near him.

    SOG. For God's sake let's be gone; an he be a scholar, you know I cannot
    abide him; I had as lieve see a cockatrice, specially as cockatrices go now.

    CAR. What, you'll stay, signior? this gentleman Sogliardo, and I, are to visit the knight Puntarvolo, and from thence to the city; we shall meet there.
    [EXIT WITH SOGLIARDO.

    MAC. Ay, when I cannot shun you, we will meet.
    'Tis strange! of all the creatures I have seen,
    I envy not this Buffone, for indeed
    Neither his fortunes nor his parts deserve it:
    But I do hate him, as I hate the devil,
    Or that brass-visaged monster Barbarism.
    O, 'tis an open-throated, black-mouth'd cur,
    That bites at all, but eats on those that feed him.
    A slave, that to your face will, serpent-like,
    Creep on the ground, as he would eat the dust,
    And to your back will turn the tail, and sting
    More deadly than the scorpion: stay, who's this?
    Now, for my soul, another minion
    Of the old lady Chance's! I'll observe him.

    [ENTER SORDIDO WITH AN ALMANACK IN HIS HAND.
    SORD. O rare! good, good, good, good, good!
    I thank my stars, I thank my stars for it.

    MAC. Said I not true? doth not his passion speak
    Out of my divination? O my senses,
    Why lost you not your powers, and become
    Dull'd, if not deaded, with this spectacle?
    I know him, it is Sordido, the farmer,
    A boor, and brother to that swine was here.
    [ASIDE.

    SORD. Excellent, excellent, excellent! as I would wish, as I would wish.

    MAC. See how the strumpet fortune tickles him,
    And makes him swoon with laughter, O, O, O!

    SORD. Ha, ha, ha! I will not sow my grounds this year. Let me see, what
    harvest shall we have? "June, July?"

    MAC. What, is't a prognostication raps him so?

    SORD. "The 20, 21, 22 days, rain and wind." O good, good! "the 23, and
    24, rain and some wind," good! "the 25, rain," good still! "26, 27, 28,
    wind and some rain"; would it had been rain and some wind! well, 'tis
    good, when it can be no better. "29, inclining to rain": inclining to
    rain! that's not so good now: "30, and 31, wind and no rain": no rain!
    'slid, stay: this is worse and worse: What says he of St. Swithin's?
    turn back, look, "saint Swithin's: no rain!"

    MAC. O, here's a precious, dirty, damned rogue,
    That fats himself with expectation
    Of rotten weather, and unseason'd hours;
    And he is rich for it, an elder brother!
    His barns are full, his ricks and mows well trod,
    His garners crack with store! O, 'tis well; ha, ha, ha!
    A plague consume thee, and thy house!

    SORD. O here, "St. Swithin's, the 15 day, variable weather, for the most
    part rain", good! "for the most part rain": why, it should rain forty
    days after, now, more or less, it was a rule held, afore I was able to hold
    a plough, and yet here are two days no rain; ha! it makes me muse. We'll
    see how the next month begins, if that be better. "August 1, 2, 3, and 4,
    days, rainy and blustering:" this is well now: "5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, rainy,
    with some thunder;" Ay marry, this is excellent; the other was false
    printed sure: "the 10 and 11, great store of rain"; O good, good, good,
    good, good! "the 12, 13, and 14 days, rain"; good still: "15, and 16,
    rain"; good still: "17 and 18, rain", good still: "19 and 20", good
    still, good still, good still, good still, good still! "21, some rain";
    some rain! well, we must be patient, and attend the heaven's pleasure,
    would it were more though: "the 22, 23, great tempests of rain, thunder
    and lightning".
    O good again, past expectation good!
    I thank my blessed angel; never, never
    Laid I [a] penny better out than this,
    To purchase this dear book: not dear for price,
    And yet of me as dearly prized as life,
    Since in it is contain'd the very life,
    Blood, strength, and sinews, of my happiness.
    Blest be the hour wherein I bought this book;
    His studies happy that composed the book,
    And the man fortunate that sold the book!
    Sleep with this charm, and be as true to me,
    As I am joy'd and confident in thee
    [PUTS IT UP.

    [ENTER A HIND, AND GIVES SORDIDO A PAPER TO READ.
    MAC. Ha, ha, ha!
    Is not this good? Is not pleasing this?
    Ha, ha, ha! God pardon me! ha, ha!
    Is't possible that such a spacious villain
    Should live, and not be plagued? or lies be hid
    Within the wrinkled bosom of the world,
    Where Heaven cannot see him? S'blood! methinks
    'Tis rare, and strange, that he should breathe and walk,
    Feed with digestion, sleep, enjoy his health,
    And, like a boisterous whale swallowing the poor,
    Still swim in wealth and pleasure! is't not strange?
    Unless his house and skin were thunder proof,
    I wonder at it! Methinks, now, the hectic,
    Gout, leprosy, or some such loath'd disease,
    Might light upon him; of that fire from heaven
    Might fall upon his barns; or mice and rats
    Eat up his grain; or else that it might rot
    Within the hoary ricks, even as it stands:
    Methinks this might be well; and after all
    The devil might come and fetch him. Ay, 'tis true!
    Meantime he surfeits in prosperity,
    And thou, in envy of him, gnaw'st thyself:
    Peace, fool, get hence, and tell thy vexed spirit,
    Wealth in this age will scarcely look on merit.
    [RISES AND EXIT.

    SORD. Who brought this same, sirrah?

    HIND. Marry, sir, one of the justice's men; he says 'tis a precept, and
    all their hands be at it.

    SORD. Ay, and the prints of them stick in my flesh,
    Deeper than in their letters: they have sent me
    Pills wrapt in paper here, that, should I take them,
    Would poison all the sweetness of my book,
    And turn my honey into hemlock juice.
    But I am wiser than to serve their precepts,
    Or follow their prescriptions. Here's a device,
    To charge me bring my grain unto the markets:
    Ay, much! when I have neither barn nor garner,
    Nor earth to hid it in, I'll bring 't; till then,
    Each corn I send shall be as big as Paul's.
    O, but (say some) the poor are like to starve.
    Why, let 'em starve, what's that to me? are bees
    Bound to keep life in drones and idle moths? no:
    Why such are these that term themselves the poor,
    Only because they would be pitied,
    But are indeed a sort of lazy beggars,
    Licentious rogues, and sturdy vagabonds,
    Bred by the sloth of a fat plenteous year,
    Like snakes in heat of summer, out of dung;
    And this is all that these cheap times are good for:
    Whereas a wholesome and penurious dearth
    Purges the soil of such vile excrements,
    And kills the vipers up.

    HIND. O, but master,
    Take heed they hear you not.

    SORD. Why so?

    HIND. They will exclaim against you.

    SORD. Ay, their exclaims
    Move me as much, as thy breath moves a mountain.
    Poor worms, they hiss at me, whilst I at home
    Can be contented to applaud myself,
    To sit and clap my hands, and laugh, and leap,
    Knocking my head against my roof, with joy
    To see how plump my bags are, and my barns.
    Sirrah, go hie you home, and bid your fellows
    Get all their flails ready again I come.

    HIND. I will, sir.
    [EXIT.

    SORD. I'll instantly set all my hinds to thrashing
    Of a whole rick of corn, which I will hide
    Under the ground; and with the straw thereof
    I'll stuff the outsides of my other mows:
    That done, I'll have them empty all my garners,
    And in the friendly earth bury my store,
    That, when the searchers come, they may suppose
    All's spent, and that my fortunes were belied.
    And to lend more opinion to my want,
    And stop that many-mouthed vulgar dog,
    Which else would still be baying at my door,
    Each market-day I will be seen to buy
    Part of the purest wheat, as for my household;
    Where when it comes, it shall increase my heaps:
    'Twill yield me treble gain at this dear time,
    Promised in this dear book: I have cast all.
    Till then I will not sell an ear, I'll hang first.
    O, I shall make my prices as I list;
    My house and I can feed on peas and barley.
    What though a world of wretches starve the while;
    He that will thrive must think no courses vile.
    [EXIT.

    COR. Now, signior, how approve you this? have the humourists exprest
    themselves truly or no?

    MIT. Yes, if it be well prosecuted, 'tis hitherto happy enough: but
    methinks Macilente went hence too soon; he might have been made to stay,
    and speak somewhat in reproof of Sordido's wretchedness now at the last.

    COR. O, no, that had been extremely improper; besides, he had continued
    the scene too long with him, as 'twas, being in no more action.

    MIT. You may inforce the length as a necessary reason; but for propriety,
    the scene wou'd very well have borne it, in my judgment.

    COR. O, worst of both; why, you mistake his humour utterly then.

    MIT. How do I mistake it? Is it not envy?

    COR. Yes, but you must understand, signior, he envies him not as he is a
    villain, a wolf in the commonwealth, but as he is rich and fortunate; for
    the true condition of envy is, 'dolor alienae felicitatis', to have our
    eyes continually fixed upon another man's prosperity that is, his chief
    happiness, and to grieve at that. Whereas, if we make his monstrous and
    abhorr'd actions our object, the grief we take then comes nearer the nature
    of hate than envy, as being bred out of a kind of contempt and loathing in
    ourselves.

    MIT. So you'll infer it had been hate, not envy in him, to reprehend the
    humour of Sordido?

    COR. Right, for what a man truly envies in another, he could always love
    and cherish in himself; but no man truly reprehends in another, what he
    loves in himself; therefore reprehension is out of his hate. And this
    distinction hath he himself made in a speech there, if you marked it, where
    he says, "I envy not this Buffone, but I hate him." Why might he not as
    well have hated Sordido as him?

    COR. No, sir, there was subject for his envy in Sordido, his wealth: so
    was there not in the other. He stood possest of no one eminent gift, but a
    most odious and fiend-like disposition, that would turn charity itself into
    hate, much more envy, for the present.

    MIT. You have satisfied me, sir. O, here comes the fool, and the jester
    again, methinks.

    COR. 'Twere pity they should be parted, sir.

    MIT. What bright-shining gallant's that with them? the knight they went to?

    COR. No, sir, this is one monsieur Fastidious Brisk, otherwise called the
    fresh Frenchified courtier.

    MIT. A humourist too?

    COR. As humorous as quicksilver; do but observe him; the scene is the
    country still, remember.





    ACT II



    SCENE I. — THE COUNTRY; BEFORE PUNTARVOLO'S HOUSE.



    ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK, CINEDO, CARLO BUFFONE, AND SOGLIARDO.

    FAST. Cinedo, watch when the knight comes, and give us word.

    CIN. I will, sir.
    [EXIT.

    FAST. How lik'st thou my boy, Carlo?

    CAR. O, well, well. He looks like a colonel of the Pigmies horse, or one
    of these motions in a great antique clock; he would shew well upon a
    haberdasher's stall, at a corner shop, rarely.

    FAST. 'Sheart, what a damn'd witty rogue's this! How he confounds with
    his similes!

    CAR. Better with similes than smiles: and whither were you riding now,
    signior?

    FAST. Who, I? What a silly jest's that! Whither should I ride but to the
    court?

    CAR. O, pardon me, sir, twenty places more; your hot-house, or your
    whore-house —

    FAST. By the virtue of my soul, this knight dwells in Elysium here.

    CAR. He's gone now, I thought he would fly out presently. These be our
    nimble-spirited catsos, that have their evasions at pleasure, will run over
    a bog like your wild Irish; no sooner started, but they'll leap from one
    thing to another, like a squirrel, heigh! dance and do tricks in their
    discourse, from fire to water, from water to air, from air to earth, as if
    their tongues did but e'en lick the four elements over, and away.

    FAST. Sirrah, Carlo, thou never saw'st my gray hobby yet, didst thou?

    CAR. No; have you such a one?

    FAST. The best in Europe, my good villain, thou'lt say when thou seest him.

    CAR. But when shall I see him?

    FAST. There was a nobleman in the court offered me a hundred pound for
    him, by this light: a fine little fiery slave, he runs like a — oh,
    excellent, excellent! — with the very sound of the spur.

    CAR. How! the sound of the spur?

    FAST. O, it's your only humour now extant, sir; a good gingle, a good gingle.

    CAR. S'blood! you shall see him turn morrice-dancer, he has got him
    bells, a good suit, and a hobby-horse.

    SIG. Signior, now you talk of a hobby-horse, I know where one is will not
    be given for a brace of angels.

    FAST. How is that, sir?

    SOG. Marry, sir, I am telling this gentleman of a hobby-horse; it was my
    father's indeed, and though I say it —

    CAR. That should not say it — on, on.

    SOG. He did dance in it, with as good humour and as good regard as any man
    of his degree whatsoever, being no gentleman: I have danc'd in it myself
    too.

    CAR. Not since the humour of gentility was upon you, did you?

    SOG. Yes, once; marry, that was but to shew what a gentleman might do in a
    humour.

    CAR. O, very good.

    MIT. Why, this fellow's discourse were nothing but for the word humour.

    COR. O bear with him; an he should lack matter and words too, 'twere pitiful.

    SOG. Nay, look you, sir, there's ne'er a gentleman in the country has the
    like humours, for the hobby-horse, as I have; I have the method for the
    threading of the needle and all, the —

    CAR. How, the method?

    SOG. Ay, the leigerity for that, and the whighhie, and the daggers in the
    nose, and the travels of the egg from finger to finger, and all the humours
    incident to the quality. The horse hangs at home in my parlour. I'll keep
    it for a monument as long as I live, sure.

    CAR. Do so; and when you die, 'twill be an excellent trophy to hang over
    your tomb.

    SOG. Mass, and I'll have a tomb, now I think on't; 'tis but so much charges.

    CAR. Best build it in your lifetime then, your heirs may hap to forget it
    else.

    SOG. Nay, I mean so, I'll not trust to them.

    CAR. No, for heirs and executors are grown damnable careless, 'specially
    since the ghosts of testators left walking. — How like you him, signior?

    FAST. 'Fore heavens, his humour arrides me exceedingly.

    CAR. Arrides you!

    FAST. Ay, pleases me: a pox on't! I am so haunted at the court, and at
    my lodging, with your refined choice spirits, that it makes me clean of
    another garb, another sheaf, I know not how! I cannot frame me to your
    harsh vulgar phrase, 'tis against my genius.

    Sog. Signior Carlo!
    [TAKES HIM ASIDE.

    COR. This is right to that of Horace, "Dum vitant stulti vitia, in
    contraria currunt"; so this gallant labouring to avoid popularity, falls
    into a habit of affectation, ten thousand times hatefuller than the former.

    CAR. [POINTING TO FASTIDIOUS.] Who, he? a gull, a fool, no salt in him
    i' the earth, man; he looks like a fresh salmon kept in a tub; he'll be
    spent shortly. His brain's lighter than his feather already, and his
    tongue more subject to lye, than that is to wag; he sleeps with a musk-cat
    every night, and walks all day hang'd in pomander chains for penance; he
    has his skin tann'd in civet, to make his complexion strong, and the
    sweetness of his youth lasting in the sense of his sweet lady; a good empty
    puff, he loves you well, signior.

    SOG. There shall be no love lost, sir, I'll assure you.

    FAST. [ADVANCING TO THEM.] Nay, Carlo, I am not happy in thy love, I see:
    pray thee suffer me to enjoy thy company a little, sweet mischief: by this
    air, I shall envy this gentleman's place in thy affections, if you be thus
    private, i'faith.
    ENTER CINEDO.
    How now! Is the knight arrived?

    CIN. No, sir, but 'tis guess'd he will arrive presently, by his fore-runners.

    FAST. His hounds! by Minerva, an excellent figure; a good boy.

    CAR. You should give him a French crown for it; the boy would find two
    better figures in that, and a good figure of your bounty beside.

    FAST. Tut, the boy wants no crowns.

    CAR. No crown; speak in the singular number, and we'll believe you.

    FAST. Nay, thou are so capriciously conceited now. Sirrah damnation, I
    have heard this knight Puntarvolo reported to be a gentleman of exceeding
    good humour, thou know'st him; prithee, how is his disposition? I never
    was so favoured of my stars, as to see him yet. Boy, do you look to the
    hobby?

    CIN. Ay, sir, the groom has set him up.
    [AS CINEDO IS GOING OUT, SOGLIARDO TAKES HIM ASIDE.

    FAST. 'Tis well: I rid out of my way of intent to visit him, and take
    knowledge of his — Nay, good Wickedness, his humour, his humour.

    CAR. Why, he loves dogs, and hawks, and his wife well; he has a good
    riding face, and he can sit a great horse; he will taint a staff well at
    tile; when he is mounted he looks like the sign of the George, that's all I
    know; save, that instead of a dragon, he will brandish against a tree, and
    break his sword as confidently upon the knotty bark, as the other did upon
    the scales of the beast.

    FAST. O, but this is nothing to that's delivered of him. They say he has
    dialogues and discourses between his horse, himself, and his dog; and that
    he will court his own lady, as she were a stranger never encounter'd before.

    CAR. Ay, that he will, and make fresh love to her every morning; this
    gentleman has been a spectator of it, Signior Insulso.

    SOG. I am resolute to keep a page. — Say you, sir?
    [LEAPS FROM WHISPERING WITH CINEDO.

    CAR. You have seen Signior Puntarvolo accost his lady?

    SOG. O, ay, sir.

    FAST. And how is the manner of it, prithee, good signior?

    SOG. Faith, sir, in very good sort; he has his humours for it, sir;
    at first, (suppose he were now to come from riding or hunting, or so,) he
    has his trumpet to sound, and then the waiting-gentlewoman she looks out,
    and then he speaks, and then she speaks, — very pretty, i'faith, gentlemen.

    FAST. Why, but do you remember no particulars, signior?

    SOG. O, yes, sir, first, the gentlewoman, she looks out at the window.

    CAR. After the trumpet has summon'd a parle, not before?

    SOG. No, sir, not before; and then says he, — ha, ha, ha, ha!

    CAR. What says he? be not rapt so.

    SOG. Says he, — ha, ha, ha, ha!

    FAST. Nay, speak, speak.

    SOG. Ha, ha, ha! — says he, God save you, says he; — ha, ha!

    CAR. Was this the ridiculous motive to all this passion?

    SOG. Nay, that that comes after is, — ha, ha, ha, ha!

    CAR. Doubtless he apprehends more than he utters, this fellow; or else —
    [A CRY OF HOUNDS WITHIN.

    SOG. List, list, they are come from hunting; stand by, close under this
    terras, and you shall see it done better than I can show it.

    CAR. So it had need, 'twill scarce poise the observation else.

    SOG. Faith, I remember all, but the manner of it is quite out of my head.

    FAST. O, withdraw, withdraw, it cannot be but a most pleasing object.
    [THEY STAND ASIDE.

    ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FOLLOWED BY HIS HUNTSMAN LEADING A GREYHOUND.

    PUNT. Forester, give wind to thy horn. — Enough; by this the sound hath
    touch'd the ears of the inclos'd: depart, leave the dog, and take with
    thee what thou has deserved, the horn and thanks.
    [EXIT HUNTSMAN.

    CAR. Ay, marry, there is some taste in this.

    FAST. Is't not good?

    SOG. Ah, peace; now above, now above!
    [A WAITING-GENTLEWOMAN APPEARS AT THE WINDOW.

    PUNT. Stay; mine eye hath, on the instant, through the bounty of the
    window, received the form of a nymph. I will step forward three paces; of
    the which, I will barely retire one; and, after some little flexure of the
    knee, with an erected grace salute her; one, two, and three! Sweet lady,
    God save you!

    GENT. [ABOVE.] No, forsooth; I am but the waiting-gentlewoman.

    CAR. He knew that before.

    PUNT. Pardon me: 'humanum est errare'.

    CAR. He learn'd that of his chaplain.

    PUNT. To the perfection of compliment (which is the dial of the thought,
    and guided by the sun of your beauties,) are required these three specials;
    the gnomon, the puntilios, and the superficies: the superficies is that we
    call place; the puntilios, circumstance; and the gnomon, ceremony; in
    either of which, for a stranger to err, 'tis easy and facile; and such am I.

    CAR. True, not knowing her horizon, he must needs err; which I fear he
    knows too well.

    PUNT. What call you the lord of the castle, sweet face?

    GENT. [ABOVE.] The lord of the castle is a knight, sir; signior Puntarvolo.

    PUNT. Puntarvolo! O —

    CAR. Now must he ruminate.

    FAST. Does the wench know him all this while, then?

    CAR. O, do you know me, man? why, therein lies the syrup of the jest;
    it's a project, a designment of his own, a thing studied, and rehearst as
    ordinarily at his coming from hawking or hunting, as a jig after a play.

    SOG. Ay, e'en like your jig, sir.

    PUNT. 'Tis a most sumptuous and stately edifice! Of what years is the
    knight, fair damsel?

    GENT. Faith, much about your years, sir.

    PUNT. What complexion, or what stature bears he?

    GENT. Of your stature, and very near upon your complexion.

    PUNT. Mine is melancholy, —

    CAR. So is the dog's, just.

    PUNT. And doth argue constancy, chiefly in love. What are his endowments?
    is he courteous?

    GENT. O, the most courteous knight in Christian land, sir.

    PUNT. Is he magnanimous?

    GENT. As the skin between your brows, sir.

    PUNT. Is he bountiful?

    CAR. 'Slud, he takes an inventory of his own good parts.

    GENT. Bountiful! ay, sir, I would you should know it; the poor are served
    at his gate, early and late, sir.

    PUNT. Is he learned?

    GENT. O, ay, sir, he can speak the French and Italian.

    PUNT. Then he has travelled?

    GENT. Ay, forsooth, he hath been beyond seas once or twice.

    CAR. As far as Paris, to fetch over a fashion, and come back again.

    PUNT. Is he religious?

    GENT. Religious! I know not what you call religious, but he goes to
    church, I am sure.

    FAST. 'Slid, methinks these answers should offend him.

    CAR. Tut, no; he knows they are excellent, and to her capacity that speaks
    them.

    PUNT. Would I might but see his face!

    CAR. She should let down a glass from the window at that word, and request
    him to look in't.

    PUNT. Doubtless the gentleman is most exact, and absolutely qualified;
    doth the castle contain him?

    GENT. No, sir, he is from home, but his lady is within.

    PUNT. His lady! what, is she fair, splendidious, and amiable?

    GENT. O, Lord, sir.

    PUNT. Prithee, dear nymph, intreat her beauties to shine on this side of
    the building.
    [EXIT WAITING-GENTLEWOMAN FROM THE WINDOW.

    CAR. That he may erect a new dial of compliment, with his gnomons and his
    puntilios.

    FAST. Nay, thou art such another cynic now, a man had need walk uprightly
    before thee.

    CAR. Heart, can any man walk more upright than he does? Look, look; as if
    he went in a frame, or had a suit of wainscot on: and the dog watching
    him, lest he should leap out on't.

    FAST. O, villain!

    CAR. Well, an e'er I meet him in the city, I'll have him jointed, I'll
    pawn him in Eastcheap, among the butchers, else.

    FAST. Peace; who be these, Carlo?

    ENTER SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO.

    SORD. Yonder's your godfather; do your duty to him, son.

    SOG. This, sir? a poor elder brother of mine, sir, a yeoman, may dispend
    some seven or eight hundred a year; that's his son, my nephew, there.

    PUNT. You are not ill come, neighbour Sordido, though I have not yet said,
    well-come; what, my godson is grown a great proficient by this.

    SORD. I hope he will grow great one day, sir.

    FAST. What does he study? the law?

    SOG. Ay, sir, he is a gentleman, though his father be but a yeoman.

    CAR. What call you your nephew, signior?

    SOG. Marry, his name is Fungoso.

    CAR. Fungoso! O, he look'd somewhat like a sponge in that pink'd yellow
    doublet, methought; well, make much of him; I see he was never born to ride
    upon a mule.

    GENT. [REAPPEARS AT THE WINDOW.] My lady will come presently, sir.

    SOG. O, now, now!

    PUNT. Stand by, retire yourselves a space; nay, pray you, forget not the
    use of your hat; the air is piercing.
    [SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO WITHDRAW.

    FAST. What! will not their presence prevail against the current of his
    humour?

    CAR. O, no; it's a mere flood, a torrent carries all afore it.

    [LADY PUNTARVOLO APPEARS AT THE WINDOW.
    PUNT. What more than heavenly pulchritude is this.
    What magazine, or treasury of bliss?
    Dazzle, you organs to my optic sense,
    To view a creature of such eminence:
    O, I am planet-struck, and in yon sphere
    A brighter star than Venus doth appear!

    FAST. How! in verse!

    CAR. An extacy, an extacy, man.

    LADY P. [ABOVE] is your desire to speak with me, sir knight?

    CAR. He will tell you that anon; neither his brain nor his body are yet
    moulded for an answer.

    PUNT. Most debonair, and luculent lady, I decline me as low as the basis
    of your altitude.

    COR. He makes congies to his wife in geometrical proportions.

    MIT. Is it possible there should be any such humorist?

    COR. Very easily possible, sir, you see there is.

    PUNT. I have scarce collected my spirits, but lately scattered in the
    administration of your form; to which, if the bounties of your mind be any
    way responsible, I doubt not but my desires shall find a smooth and secure
    passage. I am a poor knight-errant, lady, that hunting in the adjacent
    forest, was, by adventure, in the pursuit of a hart, brought to this place;
    which hart, dear madam, escaped by enchantment: the evening approaching
    myself and servant wearied, my suit is, to enter your fair castle and
    refresh me.

    LADY. Sir knight, albeit it be not usual with me, chiefly in the absence
    of a husband, to admit any entrance to strangers, yet in the true regard of
    those innated virtues, and fair parts, which so strive to express
    themselves, in you; I am resolved to entertain you to the best of my
    unworthy power; which I acknowledge to be nothing, valued with what so
    worthy a person may deserve. Please you but stay while I descend.
    [EXIT FROM THE WINDOW.

    PUNT. Most admired lady, you astonish me.
    [WALKS ASIDE WITH SORDIDO AND HIS SON.

    CAR. What! with speaking a speech of your own penning?

    FAST. Nay, look: prithee, peace.

    CAR. Pox on't! I am impatient of such foppery.

    FAST. O let us hear the rest.

    CAR. What! a tedious chapter of courtship, after sir Lancelot and queen
    Guenever? Away! I marle in what dull cold nook he found this lady out;
    that, being a woman, she was blest with no more copy of wit but to serve
    his humour thus. 'Slud, I think he feeds her with porridge, I: she could
    never have such a thick brain else.

    SOG. Why, is porridge so hurtful, signior?

    CAR. O, nothing under heaven more prejudicial to those ascending subtle
    powers, or doth sooner abate that which we call 'acumen ingenii', than your
    gross fare: Why, I'll make you an instance; your city-wives, but observe
    'em, you have not more perfect true fools in the world bred than they are
    generally; and yet you see, by the fineness and delicacy of their diet,
    diving into the fat capons, drinking your rich wines, feeding on larks,
    sparrows, potato-pies, and such good unctuous meats, how their wits are
    refined and rarified; and sometimes a very quintessence of conceit flows
    from them, able to drown a weak apprehension.

    ENTER LADY PUNTARVOLO AND HER WAITING-WOMAN.
    FAST. Peace, here comes the lady..

    LADY. Gad's me, here's company! turn in again.
    [EXIT WITH HER WOMAN.

    FAST. 'Slight, our presence has cut off the convoy of the jest.

    CAR. All the better, I am glad on't; for the issue was very perspicuous.
    Come let's discover, and salute the knight.
    [THEY COME FORWARD.

    PUNT. Stay; who be these that address themselves towards us? What Carlo!
    Now by the sincerity of my soul, welcome; welcome, gentlemen: and how dost
    thou, thou 'Grand Scourge', or 'Second Untruss of the time'?

    CAR. Faith, spending my metal in this reeling world (here and there), as
    the sway of my affection carries me, and perhaps stumble upon a
    yeoman-feuterer, as I do now; or one of fortune's mules, laden with
    treasure, and an empty cloak-bag, following him, gaping when a gab will
    untie.

    PUNT. Peace, you bandog, peace! What brisk Nymphadoro is that in the
    white virgin-boot there?

    CAR. Marry, sir, one that I must interest you to take a very particular
    knowledge of, and with more than ordinary respect; monsieur Fastidious.

    PUNT. Sir, I could wish, that for the time of your vouchsafed abiding
    here, and more real entertainment, this is my house stood on the Muses
    hill, and these my orchards were those of the Hesperides.

    FAST. I possess as much in your wish, sir, as if I were made lord of the
    Indies; and I pray you believe it.

    CAR. I have a better opinion of his faith, than to think it will be so
    corrupted.

    SOG. Come, brother, I'll bring you acquainted with gentlemen, and good
    fellows, such as shall do you more grace than —

    SORD. Brother, I hunger not for such acquaintance: Do you take heed, lest —
    [CARLO COMES TOWARD THEM.

    SOG. Husht! My brother, sir, for want of education, sir, somewhat nodding
    to the boor, the clown; but I request you in private, sir.

    FUNG. [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK.] By heaven, it is a very fine suit of
    clothes.
    [ASIDE.

    COR. Do you observe that signior? There's another humour has new-crack'd
    the shell.

    MIT. What! he is enamour'd of the fashion, is he?

    COR. O, you forestall the jest.

    FUNG. I marle what it might stand him in.
    [ASIDE.

    SOG. Nephew!

    FUNG. 'Fore me, it's an excellent suit, and as neatly becomes him.
    [ASIDE.] — What said you, uncle?

    SOG. When saw you my niece?

    FUNG. Marry, yesternight I supp'd there. — That kind of boot does very
    rare too.
    [ASIDE.

    SOG. And what news hear you?

    FUNG. The gilt spur and all! Would I were hang'd, but 'tis exceeding
    good. [ASIDE.] — Say you, uncle?

    SOG. Your mind is carried away with somewhat else: I ask what news you hear?

    FUNG. Troth, we hear none. — In good faith [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK]
    I was never so pleased with a fashion, days of my life. O an I might have
    but my wish, I'd ask no more of heaven now, but such a suit, such a hat,
    such a band, such a doublet, such a hose, such a boot, and such a —
    [ASIDE.

    SOG. They say, there's a new motion of the city of Nineveh, with Jonas and
    the whale, to be seen at Fleet-bridge. You can tell, cousin?

    FUNG. Here's such a world of questions with him now! — Yes, I think there
    be such a thing, I saw the picture. — Would he would once be satisfied!
    Let me see, the doublet, say fifty shillings the doublet, and between three
    or four pound the hose; then boots, hat, and band: some ten or eleven
    pound will do it all, and suit me for the heavens!
    [ASIDE.

    SOG. I'll see all those devices an I come to London once.

    FUNG. Ods 'slid, an I could compass it, 'twere rare [ASIDE.] — Hark you,
    uncle.

    SOG. What says my nephew?

    FUNG. Faith, uncle, I would have desired you to have made a motion for me
    to my father, in a thing that — Walk aside, and I'll tell you, sir; no
    more but this: there's a parcel of law books (some twenty pounds worth)
    that lie in a place for a little more than half the money they cost; and I
    think, for some twelve pound, or twenty mark, I could go near to redeem
    them; there's Plowden, Dyar, Brooke, and Fitz-Herbert, divers such as I
    must have ere long; and you know, I were as good save five or six pound, as
    not, uncle. I pray you, move it for me.

    SOG. That I will: when would you have me do it? presently?

    FUNG. O, ay, I pray you, good uncle: [SOGLIARDO TAKES SORDIDO ASIDE.] —
    send me good luck, Lord, an't be thy will, prosper it! O my stars, now,
    now, if it take now, I am made for ever.

    FAST. Shall I tell you, sir? by this air, I am the most beholden to that
    lord, of any gentleman living; he does use me the most honourably, and with
    the greatest respect, more indeed than can be utter'd with any opinion of
    truth.

    PUNT. Then have you the count Gratiato?

    FAST. As true noble a gentleman too as any breathes; I am exceedingly
    endear'd to his love: By this hand, I protest to you, signior, I speak it
    not gloriously, nor out of affectation, but there's he and the count
    Frugale, signior Illustre, signior Luculento, and a sort of 'em, that when
    I am at court, they do share me amongst them; happy is he can enjoy me most
    private. I do wish myself sometime an ubiquitary for their love, in good
    faith.

    CAR. There's ne'er a one of them but might lie a week on the rack, ere
    they could bring forth his name; and yet he pours them out as familiarly,
    as if he had seen them stand by the fire in the presence, or ta'en tobacco
    with them over the stage, in the lord's room.

    PUNT. Then you must of necessity know our court-star there, that planet of
    wit, madona Saviolina?

    FAST. O Lord, sir, my mistress.

    PUNT. Is she your mistress?

    FAST. Faith, here be some slight favours of hers, sir, that do speak it,
    she is; as this scarf, sir, or this ribbon in my ear, or so; this feather
    grew in her sweet fan sometimes, though now it be my poor fortune to wear
    it, as you see, sir: slight, slight, a foolish toy.

    PUNT. Well, she is the lady of a most exalted and ingenious spirit.

    FAST. Did you ever hear any woman speak like her? or enriched with a more
    plentiful discourse?

    CAR. O villainous! nothing but sound, sound, a mere echo; she speaks as
    she goes tired, in cobweb-lawn, light, thin; good enough to catch flies
    withal.

    PUNT. O manage your affections.

    FAST. Well, if thou be'st not plagued for this blasphemy one day —

    PUNT. Come, regard not a jester: It is in the power of my purse to make
    him speak well or ill of me.

    FAST. Sir, I affirm it to you upon my credit and judgment, she has the
    most harmonious and musical strain of wit that ever tempted a true ear; and
    yet to see! — a rude tongue would profane heaven, if it could.

    PUNT. I am not ignorant of it, sir.

    FAST. Oh, it flows from her like nectar, and she doth give it that sweet
    quick grace, and exornation in the composure that by this good air, as I am
    an honest man, would I might never stir, sir, but — she does observe as
    pure a phrase, and use as choice figures in her ordinary conferences, as
    any be in the 'Arcadia'.

    CAR. Or rather in Green's works, whence she may steal with more security.

    SORD. Well, if ten pound will fetch 'em, you shall have it; but I'll part
    with no more.

    FUNG. I'll try what that will do, if you please.

    SORD. Do so; and when you have them, study hard.

    FUNG. Yes, sir. An I could study to get forty shillings more now! Well,
    I will put myself into the fashion, as far as this will go, presently.

    SORD. I wonder it rains not: the almanack says, we should have a store of
    rain to-day.
    [ASIDE.

    PUNT. Why, sir, to-morrow I will associate you to court myself, and from
    thence to the city about a business, a project I have; I will expose it to
    you sir; Carlo, I am sure has heard of it.

    CAR. What's that, sir?

    PUNT. I do intend, this year of jubilee coming on, to travel: and because
    I will not altogether go upon expense, I am determined to put forth some
    five thousand pound, to be paid me five for one, upon the return of myself,
    my wife, and my dog from the Turk's court in Constantinople. If all or
    either of us miscarry in the journey, 'tis gone: if we be successful, why,
    there will be five and twenty thousand pound to entertain time withal.
    Nay, go not, neighbour Sordido; stay to-night, and help to make our society
    the fuller. Gentlemen, frolic: Carlo! what! dull now?

    CAR. I was thinking on your project, sir, an you call it so. Is this the
    dog goes with you?

    PUNT. This is the dog, sir.

    CAR. He does not go barefoot, does he?

    PUNT. Away, you traitor, away!

    CAR. Nay, afore God, I speak simply; he may prick his foot with a thorn,
    and be as much as the whole venture is worth. Besides, for a dog that
    never travell'd before, it's a huge journey to Constantinople. I'll tell
    you now, an he were mine, I'd have some present conference with a
    physician, what antidotes were good to give him, preservatives against
    poison; for assure you, if once your money be out, there'll be divers
    attempts made against the life of the poor animal.

    PUNT. Thou art still dangerous.

    FAST. Is signior Deliro's wife your kinswoman?

    SOG. Ay, sir, she is my niece, my brother's daughter here, and my nephew's
    sister.

    SORD. Do you know her, sir?

    FAST. O Lord, sir! signior Deliro, her husband, is my merchant.

    FUNG. Ay, I have seen this gentleman there often.

    FAST. I cry you mercy, sir; let me crave your name, pray you.

    FUNG. Fungoso, sir.

    FAST. Good signior Fungoso, I shall request to know you better, sir.

    FUNG. I am her brother, sir.

    FAST. In fair time, sir.

    PUNT. Come, gentlemen, I will be your conduct.

    FAST. Nay, pray you sir; we shall meet at signior Deliro's often.

    SOG. You shall have me at the herald's office, sir, for some week or so at
    my first coming up. Come, Carlo.
    [EXEUNT.

    MIT. Methinks, Cordatus, he dwelt somewhat too long on this scene; it hung
    in the hand.

    COR. I see not where he could have insisted less, and to have made the
    humours perspicuous enough.

    MIT. True, as his subject lies; but he might have altered the shape of his
    argument, and explicated them better in single scenes.

    COR. That had been single indeed. Why, be they not the same persons in
    this, as they would have been in those? and is it not an object of more
    state, to behold the scene full, and relieved with variety of speakers to
    the end, than to see a vast empty stage, and the actors come in one by one,
    as if they were dropt down with a feather into the eye of the spectators?

    MIT. Nay, you are better traded with these things than I, and therefore
    I'll subscribe to your judgment; marry, you shall give me leave to make
    objections.

    COR. O, what else? it is the special intent of the author you should do
    so; for thereby others, that are present, may as well be satisfied, who
    haply would object the same you would do.

    MIT. So, sir; but when appears Macilente again?

    COR. Marry, he stays but till our silence give him leave: here he comes,
    and with him signior Deliro, a merchant at whose house he is come to
    sojourn: make your own observation now, only transfer your thoughts to the
    city, with the scene: where suppose they speak.


    SCENE II. A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE.



    ENTER DELIRO, MACILENTE, AND FIDO WITH FLOWERS AND PERFUMES.

    DELI. I'll tell you by and by, sir, —
    Welcome good Macilente, to my house,
    To sojourn even for ever; if my best
    in cates, and every sort of good entreaty,
    May move you stay with me.
    [HE CENSETH: THE BOY STREWS FLOWERS.

    MACI. I thank you, sir. —
    And yet the muffled Fates, had it pleased them,
    Might have supplied me from their own full store.
    Without this word, 'I thank you', to a fool.
    I see no reason why that dog call'd Chance,
    Should fawn upon this fellow more than me;
    I am a man, and I have limbs, flesh, blood,
    Bones, sinews, and a soul, as well as he:
    My parts are every way as good as his;
    If I said better, why, I did not lie.
    Nath'less, his wealth, but nodding on my wants,
    Must make me bow, and cry, 'I thank you, sir'.
    [ASIDE.

    DELI. Dispatch! take heed your mistress see you not.

    FIDO. I warrant you, sir, I'll steal by her softly.
    [EXIT.

    DELI. Nay, gentle friend, be merry; raise your looks
    Out of your bosom: I protest, by heaven,
    You are the man most welcome in the world.

    MACI. I thank you, sir. — I know my cue, I think.
    [ASIDE.

    RE-ENTER FIDO, WITH MORE PERFUMES AND FLOWERS.
    FIDO. Where will you have them burn, sir?

    DELI. Here, good Fido.
    What, she did not see thee?

    FIDO. No, sir.

    DELI. That is well
    Strew, strew, good Fido, the freshest flowers; so!

    MACI. What means this, signior Deliro? all this censing?

    DELI. Cast in more frankincense, yet more; well said. —
    O Macilente, I have such a wife!
    So passing fair! so passing-fair-unkind!
    But of such worth, and right to be unkind,
    Since no man can be worthy of her kindness —

    MACI. What, can there not?

    DELI. No, that is as sure as death,
    No man alive. I do not say, is not,
    But cannot possibly be worth her kindness,
    Nay, it is certain, let me do her right.
    How, said I? do her right! as though I could,
    As though this dull, gross tongue of mine could utter
    The rare, the true, the pure, the infinite rights.
    That sit, as high as I can look, within her!

    MACI. This is such dotage as was never heard.

    DELI. Well, this must needs be granted.

    MACI. Granted, quoth you?

    DELI. Nay, Macilente, do not so discredit
    The goodness of your judgment to deny it.
    For I do speak the very least of her:
    And I would crave, and beg no more of Heaven,
    For all my fortunes here, but to be able
    To utter first in fit terms, what she is,
    And then the true joys I conceive in her.

    MACI. Is't possible she should deserve so well,
    As you pretend?

    DELI. Ay, and she knows so well
    Her own deserts, that, when I strive t'enjoy them,
    She weighs the things I do, with what she merits;
    And, seeing my worth out-weigh'd so in her graces,
    She is so solemn, so precise, so froward,
    That no observance I can do to her
    Can make her kind to me: if she find fault,
    I mend that fault; and then she says, I faulted,
    That I did mend it. Now, good friend, advise me,
    How I may temper this strange spleen in her.

    MACI. You are too amorous, too obsequious,
    And make her too assured she may command you.
    When women doubt most of their husbands' loves,
    They are most loving. Husbands must take heed
    They give no gluts of kindness to their wives,
    But use them like their horses; whom they feed
    But half a peck at once; and keep them so
    Still with an appetite to that they give them.
    He that desires to have a loving wife,
    Must bridle all the show of that desire:
    Be kind, not amorous; nor bewraying kindness,
    As if love wrought it, but considerate duty.
    Offer no love rites, but let wives still seek them,
    For when they come unsought, they seldom like them.

    DELI. Believe me, Macilente, this is gospel.
    O, that a man were his own man so much,
    To rule himself thus. I will strive, i'faith,
    To be more strange and careless; yet I hope
    I have now taken such a perfect course,
    To make her kind to me, and live contented,
    That I shall find my kindness well return'd,
    And have no need to fight with my affections.
    She late hath found much fault with every room
    Within my house; one was too big, she said,
    Another was not furnish'd to her mind,
    And so through all; all which, now, I have alter'd.
    Then here, she hath a place, on my back-side,
    Wherein she loves to walk; and that, she said,
    Had some ill smells about it: now, this walk
    Have I before she knows it, thus perfumed
    With herbs, and flowers; and laid in divers places,
    As 'twere on altars consecrate to her,
    Perfumed gloves, and delicate chains of amber,
    To keep the air in awe of her sweet nostrils:
    This have I done, and this I think will please her.
    Behold, she comes.

    ENTER FALLACE.
    FAL. Here's a sweet stink indeed!
    What, shall I ever be thus crost and plagued,
    And sick of husband? O, my head doth ache,
    As it would cleave asunder, with these savours!
    All my rooms alter'd, and but one poor walk
    That I delighted in, and that is made
    So fulsome with perfumes, that I am fear'd,
    My brain doth sweat so, I have caught the plague!

    DELI. Why, gentle wife, is now thy walk too sweet?
    Thou said'st of late, it had sour airs about it,
    And found'st much fault that I did not correct it.

    FAL. Why, an I did find fault, sir?

    DELI. Nay, dear wife,
    I know thou hast said thou has loved perfumes,
    No woman better.

    FAL. Ay, long since, perhaps;
    But now that sense is alter'd: you would have me,
    Like to a puddle, or a standing pool,
    To have no motion nor no spirit within me.
    No. I am like a pure and sprightly river,
    That moves for ever, and yet still the same;
    Or fire, that burns much wood, yet still one flame.

    DELI. But yesterday, I saw thee at our garden,
    Smelling on roses, and on purple flowers;
    And since, I hope, the humour of thy sense
    Is nothing changed.

    FAL. Why, those were growing flowers,
    And these within my walk are cut and strewed.

    DELI. But yet they have one scent.

    FAL. Ay! have they so?
    In your gross judgment. If you make no difference
    Betwixt the scent of growing flowers and cut ones,
    You have a sense to taste lamp oil, i'faith:
    And with such judgment have you changed the chambers,
    Leaving no room, that I can joy to be in,
    In all your house; and now my walk, and all,
    You smoke me from, as if I were a fox,
    And long, belike, to drive me quite away:
    Well, walk you there, and I'll walk where I list.

    DELI. What shall I do? O, I shall never please her.

    MACI. Out on thee, dotard! what star ruled his birth,
    That brought him such a Star? blind Fortune still
    Bestows her gifts on such as cannot use them:
    How long shall I live, ere I be so happy
    To have a wife of this exceeding form?
    [ASIDE.

    DELI. Away with 'em! would I had broke a joint
    When I devised this, that should so dislike her.
    Away, bear all away.
    [EXIT FIDO, WITH FLOWERS, ETC.

    FAL. Ay, do; for fear
    Aught that is there should like her. O, this man,
    How cunningly he can conceal himself,
    As though he loved, nay, honour'd and ador'd! —

    DELI. Why, my sweet heart?

    FAL. Sweet heart! O, better still!
    And asking, why? wherefore? and looking strangely,
    As if he were as white as innocence!
    Alas, you're simple, you: you cannot change,
    Look pale at pleasure, and then red with wonder;
    No, no, not you! 'tis pity o' your naturals.
    I did but cast an amorous eye, e'en now,
    Upon a pair of gloves that somewhat liked me,
    And straight he noted it, and gave command
    All should be ta'en away.

    DELI. Be they my bane then!
    What, sirrah, Fido, bring in those gloves again
    You took from hence.

    FAL. 'Sbody, sir, but do not:
    Bring in no gloves to spite me; if you do —
    DELI. Ay me, most wretched; how am I misconstrued!

    MACI. O, how she tempts my heart-strings with her eye,
    To knit them to her beauties, or to break!
    What mov'd the heavens, that they could not make
    Me such a woman! but a man, a beast,
    That hath no bliss like others? Would to heaven,
    In wreak of my misfortunes, I were turn'd
    To some fair water-nymph, that set upon
    The deepest whirl-pit of the rav'nous seas,
    My adamantine eyes might headlong hale
    This iron world to me, and drown it all.

    [ASIDE.
    COR. Behold, behold, the translated gallant.

    MIT. O, he is welcome.

    ENTER FUNGOSO, APPARELLED LIKE FASTIDIOUS BRISK.
    FUNG. Save you, brother and sister; save you, sir! I have commendations
    for you out o' the country. I wonder they take no knowledge of my suit:
    [ASIDE.] — Mine uncle Sogliardo is in town. Sister methinks you are
    melancholy; why are you so sad? I think you took me for Master Fastidious
    Brisk, sister, did you not?

    FAL. Why should I take you for him?

    FUNG. Nay, nothing. — I was lately in Master Fastidious's company, and
    methinks we are very like.

    DELI. You have a fair suit, brother, 'give you joy on't.

    FUNG. Faith, good enough to ride in, brother; I made it to ride in.

    FAL. O, now I see the cause of his idle demand was his new suit.

    DELI. Pray you, good brother, try if you can change her mood.

    FUNG. I warrant you, let me alone: I'll put her out of her dumps.
    Sister, how like you my suit!

    FAL. O, you are a gallant in print now, brother.

    FUNG. Faith, how like you the fashion? it is the last edition, I assure you.

    FAL. I cannot but like it to the desert.

    FUNG. Troth, sister, I was fain to borrow these spurs, I have left my gown
    in the gage for them, pray you lend me an angel.

    FAL. Now, beshrew my heart then.

    FUNG. Good truth, I'll pay you again at my next exhibition. I had but
    bare ten pound of my father, and it would not reach to put me wholly into
    the fashion.

    FAL. I care not.

    FUNG. I had spurs of mine own before, but they were not ginglers.
    Monsieur Fastidious will be here anon, sister.

    FAL. You jest!

    FUNG. Never lend me penny more while you live then; and that I'd be loth
    to say, in truth.

    FAL. When did you see him?

    FUNG. Yesterday; I came acquainted with him at Sir Puntarvolo's: nay,
    sweet sister.

    MACI. I fain would know of heaven now, why yond fool
    Should wear a suit of satin? he? that rook,
    That painted jay, with such a deal of outside:
    What is his inside, trow? ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
    Good heavens, give me patience, patience, patience.
    A number of these popinjays there are,
    Whom, if a man confer, and but examine
    Their inward merit, with such men as want;
    Lord, lord, what things they are!
    [ASIDE.

    FAL. [GIVES HIM MONEY.] Come, when will you pay me again, now?

    FUNG. O lord, sister!

    MACI. Here comes another.

    ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK, IN A NEW SUIT.
    FAST. Save you, signior Deliro! How dost thou, sweet lady? let me kiss thee.

    FUNG. How! a new suit? ah me!

    DELI. And how does master Fastidious Brisk?

    FAST. Faith, live in court, signior Deliro; in grace, I thank God, both of
    the noble masculine and feminine. I muse speak with you in private by and
    by.

    DELI. When you please, sir.

    FAL. Why look you so pale, brother?

    FUNG. 'Slid, all this money is cast away now.

    MACI. Ay, there's a newer edition come forth.

    FUNG. 'Tis but my hard fortune! well, I'll have my suit changed. I'll go
    fetch my tailor presently but first, I'll devise a letter to my father.
    Have you any pen and ink, sister?

    FAL. What would you do withal?

    FUNG. I would use it. 'Slight, an it had come but four days sooner, the
    fashion.
    [EXIT.

    FAST. There was a countess gave me her hand to kiss to-day, i' the
    presence: did me more good by that light than — and yesternight sent her
    coach twice to my lodging, to intreat me accompany her, and my sweet
    mistress, with some two or three nameless ladies more: O, I have been
    graced by them beyond all aim of affection: this is her garter my dagger
    hangs in: and they do so commend and approve my apparel, with my judicious
    wearing of it, it's above wonder.

    FAL. Indeed, sir, 'tis a most excellent suit, and you do wear it as
    extraordinary.

    FAST. Why, I'll tell you now, in good faith, and by this chair, which, by
    the grace of God, I intend presently to sit in, I had three suits in one
    year made three great ladies in love with me: I had other three, undid
    three gentlemen in imitation: and other three gat three other gentlemen
    widows of three thousand pound a year.

    DELI. Is't possible?

    FAST. O, believe it, sir; your good face is the witch, and your apparel
    the spells, that bring all the pleasures of the world into their circle.

    FAL. Ah, the sweet grace of a courtier!

    MACI. Well, would my father had left me but a good face for my portion
    yet! though I had shared the unfortunate with that goes with it, I had not
    cared; I might have passed for somewhat in the world then.

    FAST. Why, assure you, signior, rich apparel has strange virtues: it
    makes him that hath it without means, esteemed for an excellent wit: he
    that enjoys it with means, puts the world in remembrance of his means: it
    helps the deformities of nature, and gives lustre to her beauties; makes
    continual holiday where it shines; sets the wits of ladies at work, that
    otherwise would be idle; furnisheth your two-shilling ordinary; takes
    possession of your stage at your new play; and enricheth your oars, as
    scorning to go with your scull.

    MACI. Pray you, sir, add this; it gives respect to your fools, makes many
    thieves, as many strumpets, and no fewer bankrupts.

    FAL. Out, out! unworthy to speak where he breatheth.

    FAST. What's he, signior?

    DELI. A friend of mine, sir.

    FAST. By heaven I wonder at you citizens, what kind of creatures you are!

    DELI. Why, sir?

    FAST. That you can consort yourselves with such poor seam-rent fellows.

    FAL. He says true.

    DELI. Sir, I will assure you, however you esteem of him, he's a man worthy
    of regard.

    FAST. Why, what has he in him of such virtue to be regarded, ha?

    DELI. Marry, he is a scholar, sir.

    FAST. Nothing else!

    DELI. And he is well travell'd.

    FAST. He should get him clothes; I would cherish those good parts of
    travel in him, and prefer him to some nobleman of good place.

    DELI. Sir, such a benefit should bine me to you for ever, in my friend's
    right; and I doubt not, but his desert shall more than answer my praise.

    FAST. Why, an he had good clothes, I'd carry him to court with me to-morrow.

    DELI. He shall not want for those, sir, if gold and the whole city will
    furnish him.

    FAST. You say well, sir: faith, signior Deliro, I am come to have you
    play the alchemist with me, and change the species of my land into that
    metal you talk of.

    DELI. With all my heart, sir; what sum will serve you?

    FAST. Faith, some three or four hundred.

    DELI. Troth, sir, I have promised to meet a gentleman this morning in
    Paul's, but upon my return I'll dispatch you.

    FAST. I'll accompany you thither.

    DELI. As you please, sir; but I go not thither directly.

    FAST. 'Tis no matter, I have no other designment in hand, and therefore as
    good go along.

    DELI. I were as good have a quartain fever follow me now, for I shall
    ne'er be rid of him. Bring me a cloak there, one. Still, upon his grace
    at court, I am sure to be visited; I was a beast to give him any hope.
    Well, would I were in, that I am out with him once, and — Come, signior
    Macilente, I must confer with you, as we go. Nay, dear wife, I beseech
    thee, forsake these moods: look not like winter thus. Here, take my keys,
    open my counting-houses, spread all my wealth before thee, choose any
    object that delights thee: if thou wilt eat the spirit of gold, and drink
    dissolved pearl in wine, 'tis for thee.

    FAL. So, sir!

    DELI. Nay, my sweet wife.

    FAL. Good lord, how you are perfumed in your terms and all! pray you
    leave us.

    DELI. Come, gentlemen.

    FAST. Adieu, sweet lady.
    [EXEUNT ALL BUT FALLACE.

    FAL. Ay, ay! let thy words ever sound in mine ears, and thy graces
    disperse contentment through all my senses! O, how happy is that lady
    above other ladies, that enjoys so absolute a gentleman to her servant! "A
    countess gives him her hand to kiss": ah, foolish countess! he's a man
    worthy, if a woman may speak of a man's worth, to kiss the lips of an
    empress.

    RE-ENTER FUNGOSO, WITH HIS TAILOR.
    FUNG. What's master Fastidious gone, sister?

    FAL. Ay, brother. — He has a face like a cherubin!
    [ASIDE.

    FUNG. 'Ods me, what luck's this? I have fetch'd my tailor and all: which
    way went he, sister, can you tell?

    FAL. Not I, in good faith — and he has a body like an angel!
    [ASIDE.

    FUNG. How long is't since he went?

    FAL. Why, but e'en now; did you not meet him? — and a tongue able to
    ravish any woman in the earth.
    [ASIDE.

    FUNG. O, for God's sake — I'll please you for your pains, [TO HIS
    TAILOR.] — But e'en now, say you? Come, good sir: 'slid, I had forgot it
    too: if any body ask for mine uncle Sogliardo, they shall have him at the
    herald's office yonder, by Paul's
    [EXIT WITH HIS TAILOR.

    FAL. Well, I will not altogether despair: I have heard of a citizen's
    wife has been beloved of a courtier; and why not I? heigh, ho! well, I
    will into my private chamber, lock the door to me, and think over all his
    good parts one after another.
    [EXIT.

    MIT. Well, I doubt, this last scene will endure some grievous torture.

    COR. How? you fear 'twill be rack'd by some hard construction?

    MIT. Do not you?

    COR. No, in good faith: unless mine eyes could light me beyond sense. I
    see no reason why this should be more liable to the rack than the rest:
    you'll say, perhaps, the city will not take it well that the merchant is
    made here to doat so perfectly upon his wife; and she again to be so
    'Fastidiously' affected as she is.

    MIT. You have utter'd my thought, sir, indeed.

    COR. Why, by that proportion, the court might as well take offence at him
    we call the courtier, and with much more pretext, by how much the place
    transcends, and goes before in dignity and virtue: but can you imagine
    that any noble or true spirit in court, whose sinewy and altogether
    unaffected graces, very worthily express him a courtier, will make any
    exception at the opening of such as empty trunk as this Brisk is? or think
    his own worth impeached, by beholding his motley inside?

    MIT. No, sir, I do not.

    COR. No more, assure you, will any grave, wise citizen, or modest matron,
    take the object of this folly in Deliro and his wife; but rather apply it
    as the foil to their own virtues. For that were to affirm, that a man
    writing of Nero, should mean all emperors; or speaking of Machiavel,
    comprehend all statesmen; or in our Sordido, all farmers; and so of the
    rest: than which nothing can be uttered more malicious or absurd. Indeed
    there are a sort of these narrow-eyed decypherers, I confess, that will
    extort strange and abstruse meanings out of any subject, be it never so
    conspicuous and innocently delivered. But to such, where'er they sit
    concealed, let them know, the author defies them and their writing-tables;
    and hopes no sound or safe judgment will infect itself with their
    contagious comments, who, indeed, come here only to pervert and poison the
    sense of what they hear, and for nought else.

    ENTER CAVALIER SHIFT, WITH TWO SI-QUISSES (BILLS) IN HIS HAND.
    MIT. Stay, what new mute is this, that walks so suspiciously?

    COR. O, marry, this is one, for whose better illustration, we must desire
    you to presuppose the stage, the middle aisle in Paul's, and that, the west
    end of it.

    MIT. So, sir, and what follows?

    COR. Faith, a whole volume of humour, and worthy the unclasping.

    MIT. As how? What name do you give him first?

    COR. He hath shift of names, sir: some call him Apple-John, some signior
    Whiffe; marry, his main standing name is cavalier Shirt: the rest are but
    as clean shirts to his natures.

    MIT. And what makes he in Paul's now?

    COR. Troth, as you see, for the advancement of a 'si quis', or two;
    wherein he has so varied himself, that if any of 'em take, he may hull up
    and down in the humorous world a little longer.

    MIT. It seems then he bears a very changing sail?

    COR. O, as the wind, sir: here comes more.





    ACT III



    SCENE I. — THE MIDDLE AISLE OF ST. PAUL'S.



    SHIFT. [COMING FORWARD.] This is rare, I have set up my bills without
    discovery.

    [ENTER ORANGE.
    ORANGE. What, signior Whiffe! what fortune has brought you into these
    west parts?

    SHIFT. Troth, signior, nothing but your rheum; I have been taking an ounce
    of tobacco hard by here, with a gentleman, and I am come to spit private in
    Paul's. 'Save you, sir.

    ORANGE. Adieu, good signior Whiffe.
    [PASSES ONWARD.

    [ENTER CLOVE.
    CLOVE. Master Apple-John! you are well met; when shall we sup together,
    and laugh, and be fat with those good wenches, ha?

    SHIFT. Faith, sir, I must now leave you, upon a few humours and occasions;
    but when you please, sir.
    [EXIT.

    CLOVE. Farewell, sweet Apple-John! I wonder there are no more store of
    gallants here.

    MIT. What be these two, signior?

    COR. Marry, a couple, sir, that are mere strangers to the whole scope of
    our play; only come to walk a turn or two in this scene of Paul's, by
    chance.

    ORANGE. Save you, good master Clove!

    CLOVE. Sweet master Orange.

    MIT. How! Clove and Orange?

    COR. Ay, and they are well met, for 'tis as dry an Orange as ever grew:
    nothing but salutation, and "O lord, sir!" and "It pleases you to say so,
    sir!" one that can laugh at a jest for company with a most plausible and
    extemporal grade; and some hour after in private ask you what it was. The
    other monsieur, Clove, is a more spiced youth; he will sit you a whole
    afternoon sometimes in a bookseller's shop, reading the Greek, Italian, and
    Spanish, when he understands not a word of either; if he had the tongues to
    his suits, he were an excellent linguist.

    CLOVE. Do you hear this reported for certainty?

    ORANGE. O lord, sir.

    [ENTER PUNTARVOLO AND CARLO, FOLLOWED BY TWO SERVING-MEN, ONE LEADING A
    DOG, THE OTHER BEARING A BAG.

    PUNT. Sirrah, take my cloak; and you, sir knave, follow me closer. If
    thou losest my dog, thou shalt die a dog's death; I will hang thee.

    CAR. Tut, fear him not, he's a good lean slave; he loves a dog well, I
    warrant him; I see by his looks, I: — Mass, he's somewhat like him. 'Slud
    [TO THE SERVANT.] poison him, make him away with a crooked pin, or
    somewhat, man; thou may'st have more security of thy life; and — So sir;
    what! you have not put out your whole venture yet, have you?

    PUNT. No, I do want yet some fifteen or sixteen hundred pounds; but my
    lady, my wife, is 'Out of her Humour', she does not now go.

    CAR. No! how then?

    PUNT. Marry, I am now enforced to give it out, upon the return of myself,
    my dog, and my cat.

    CAR. Your cat! where is she?

    PUNT. My squire has her there, in the bag; sirrah, look to her. How
    lik'st thou my change, Carlo?

    CAR. Oh, for the better, sir; your cat has nine lives, and your wife has
    but one.

    PUNT. Besides, she will never be sea-sick, which will save me so much in
    conserves. When saw you signior Sogliardo?

    CAR. I came from him but now; he is at the herald's office yonder; he
    requested me to go afore, and take up a man or two for him in Paul's,
    against his cognisance was ready.

    PUNT. What, has he purchased arms, then?

    CAR. Ay, and rare ones too; of as many colours as e'er you saw any fool's
    coat in your life. I'll go look among yond' bills, an I can fit him with
    legs to his arms.

    PUNT. With legs to his arms! Good! I will go with you, sir.
    [THEY GO TO READ THE BILLS.

    ENTER FASTIDIOUS, DELIRO, AND MACILENTE.
    FAST. Come, let's walk in Mediterraneo: I assure you, sir, I am not the
    least respected among ladies; but let that pass: do you know how to go
    into the presence, sir?

    MACI. Why, on my feet, sir.

    FAST. No, on your head, sir; for 'tis that must bear you out, I assure
    you; as thus, sir. You must first have an especial care so to wear your
    hat, that it oppress not confusedly this your predominant, or foretop;
    because, when you come at the presence-door, you may with once or twice
    stroking up your forehead, thus, enter with your predominant perfect; that
    is, standing up stiff.

    MACI. As if one were frighted?

    FAST. Ay, sir.

    MACI. Which, indeed, a true fear of your mistress should do, rather than
    gum-water, or whites of eggs; is't not so, sir?

    FAST. An ingenious observation. Give me leave to crave your name, sir?

    DELI. His name is Macilente, sir.

    FAST. Good signior Macilente, if this gentleman, signior Deliro, furnish
    you, as he says he will, with clothes, I will bring you, to-morrow by this
    time, into the presence of the most divine and acute lady in court; you
    shall see sweet silent rhetorick, and dumb eloquence speaking in her eye,
    but when she speaks herself, such an anatomy of wit, so sinewised and
    arterised, that 'tis the goodliest model of pleasure that ever was to
    behold. Oh! she strikes the world into admiration of her; O, O, O! I
    cannot express them, believe me.

    MACI. O, your only admiration is your silence, sir.

    PUNT. 'Fore God, Carlo, this is good! let's read them again.
    [READS THE BILL.
    "If there be any lady or gentlewoman of good carriage that is desirous to
    entertain to her private uses, a young, straight, and upright gentleman, of
    the age of five or six and twenty at the most; who can serve in the nature
    of a gentleman-usher, and hath little legs of purpose, and a black satin
    suit of his own, to go before her in; which suit, for the more sweetening,
    now lies in lavender; and can hide his face with her fan, if need require;
    or sit in the cold at the stair foot for her, as well as another gentleman:
    let her subscribe her name and place, and diligent respect shall be given."

    PUNT. This is above measure excellent, ha!

    CAR. No, this, this! here's a fine slave.
    [READS.
    "If this city, or the suburbs of the same, do afford any young gentleman of
    the first, second, or third head, more or less, whose friends are but
    lately deceased, and whose lands are but new come into his hands, that, to
    be as exactly qualified as the best of our ordinary gallants are, is
    affected to entertain the most gentleman-like use of tobacco; as first, to
    give it the most exquisite perfume; then, to know all the delicate sweet
    forms for the assumption of it; as also the rare corollary and practice of
    the Cuban ebolition, euripus and whiff, which he shall receive or take in
    here at London, and evaporate at Uxbridge, or farther, if it please him.
    If there be any such generous spirit, that is truly enamoured of these good
    faculties; may it please him, but by a note of his hand to specify the
    place or ordinary where he uses to eat and lie; and most sweet attendance,
    with tobacco and pipes of the best sort, shall be ministered. 'Stet,
    quaeso, candide Lector.'"

    PUNT. Why, this is without parallel, this.

    CAR. Well, I'll mark this fellow for Sogliardo's use presently.

    PUNT. Or rather, Sogliardo, for his use.

    CAR. Faith, either of them will serve, they are both good properties:
    I'll design the other a place too, that we may see him.

    PUNT. No better place than the Mitre, that we may be spectators with you,
    Carlo. Soft, behold who enters here:
    ENTER SOGLIARDO.
    Signior Sogliardo! save you.

    SOG. Save you, good sir Puntarvolo; your dog's in health, sir, I see: How
    now, Carlo?

    CAR. We have ta'en simple pains, to choose you out followers here.
    [SHOWS HIM THE BILLS.

    PUNT. Come hither, signior.

    CLOVE. Monsieur Orange, yon gallants observe us; prithee let's talk
    fustian a little, and gull them; make them believe we are great scholars.

    ORANGE. O lord, sir!

    CLOVE. Nay, prithee let us, believe me, — you have an excellent habit in
    discourse.

    ORANGE. It pleases you to say so, sir.

    CLOVE. By this church, you have, la; nay, come, begin — Aristotle, in his
    daemonologia, approves Scaliger for the best navigator in his time; and in
    his hypercritics, he reports him to be Heautontimorumenos: — you
    understand the Greek, sir?

    ORANGE. O, good sir!

    MACI. For society's sake he does. O, here be a couple of fine tame parrots!

    CLOVE. Now, sir, whereas the ingenuity of the time and the soul's
    synderisis are but embrions in nature, added to the panch of Esquiline, and
    the inter-vallum of the zodiac, besides the ecliptic line being optic, and
    not mental, but by the contemplative and theoric part thereof, doth
    demonstrate to us the vegetable circumference, and the ventosity of the
    tropics, and whereas our intellectual, or mincing capreal (according to the
    metaphysicks) as you may read in Plato's Histriomastix — You conceive me
    sir?

    ORANGE. O lord, sir!

    CLOVE. Then coming to the pretty animal, as reason long since is fled to
    animals, you know, or indeed for the more modelising, or enamelling, or
    rather diamondising of your subject, you shall perceive the hypothesis, or
    galaxia, (whereof the meteors long since had their initial inceptions and
    notions,) to be merely Pythagorical, mathematical, and aristocratical —
    For, look you, sir, there is ever a kind of concinnity and species — Let
    us turn to our former discourse, for they mark us not.

    FAST. Mass, yonder's the knight Puntarvolo.

    DELI. And my cousin Sogliardo, methinks.

    MACI. Ay, and his familiar that haunts him, the devil with the shining face.

    DELI. Let 'em alone, observe 'em not.
    [SOGLIARDO, PUNTARVOLO, AND CARLO, WALK TOGETHER.

    SOG. Nay, I will have him, I am resolute for that. By this parchment,
    gentlemen, I have been so toiled among the harrots yonder, you will not
    believe! they do speak in the strangest language, and give a man the
    hardest terms for his money, that ever you knew.

    CAR. But have you arms, have you arms?

    SOG. I'faith, I thank them; I can write myself gentleman now; here's my
    patent, it cost me thirty pound, by this breath.

    PUNT. A very fair coat, well charged, and full of armory.

    SOG. Nay, it has as much variety of colours in it, as you have seen a coat
    have; how like you the crest, sir?

    PUNT. I understand it not well, what is't?

    SOG. Marry, sir, it is your boar without a head, rampant. A boar without
    a head, that's very rare!

    CAR. Ay, and rampant too! troth, I commend the herald's wit, he has
    decyphered him well: a swine without a head, without brain, wit, anything
    indeed, ramping to gentility. You can blazon the rest, signior, can you
    not?

    SOG. O, ay, I have it in writing here of purpose; it cost me two shilling
    the tricking.

    CAR. Let's hear, let's hear.

    PUNT. It is the most vile, foolish, absurd, palpable, and ridiculous
    escutcheon that ever this eye survised. — Save you, good monsieur
    Fastidious.
    [THEY SALUTE AS THEY MEET IN THE WALK.

    COR. Silence, good knight; on, on.

    SOG. [READS.] "Gyrony of eight pieces; azure and gules; between three
    plates, a chevron engrailed checquy, or, vert, and ermins; on a chief
    argent, between two ann'lets sable, a boar's head, proper."

    CAR. How's that! on a chief argent?

    SOG. [READS.] "On a chief argent, a boar's head proper, between two
    ann'lets sable."

    CAR. 'Slud, it's a hog's cheek and puddings in a pewter field, this.
    [HERE THEY SHIFT. FASTIDIOUS MIXES WITH PUNTARVOLO; CARLO AND SOGLIARDO;
    DELIRO AND MACILENTE; CLOVE AND ORANGE; FOUR COUPLE.

    SOG. How like you them, signior?

    PUNT. Let the word be, 'Not without mustard': your crest is very rare, sir.

    CAR. A frying-pan to the crest, had had no fellow.

    FAST. Intreat your poor friend to walk off a little, signior, I will
    salute the knight.

    CAR. Come, lap it up, lap it up.

    FAST. You are right well encounter'd, sir; how does your fair dog?

    PUNT. In reasonable state, sir; what citizen is that you were consorted
    with? A merchant of any worth?

    FAST. 'Tis signior Deliro, sir.

    PUNT. Is it he? — Save you, sir!
    [THEY SALUTE.

    DELI. Good sir Puntarvolo!

    MACI. O what copy of fool would this place minister, to one endued with
    patience to observe it!

    CAR. Nay, look you, sir, now you are a gentleman, you must carry a more
    exalted presence, change your mood and habit to a more austere form; be
    exceeding proud, stand upon your gentility, and scorn every man; speak
    nothing humbly, never discourse under a nobleman, though you never saw him
    but riding to the star-chamber, it's all one. Love no man: trust no man:
    speak ill of no man to his face; nor well of any man behind his back.
    Salute fairly on the front, and wish them hanged upon the turn. Spread
    yourself upon his bosom publicly, whose heart you would eat in private.
    These be principles, think on them; I'll come to you again presently.
    [EXIT.

    PUNT. [TO HIS SERVANT.] Sirrah, keep close; yet not so close: thy breath
    will thaw my ruff.

    SOG. O, good cousin, I am a little busy, how does my niece? I am to walk
    with a knight, here.

    ENTER FUNGOSO WITH HIS TAILOR.
    FUNG. O, he is here; look you, sir, that's the gentleman.

    TAI. What, he in the blush-coloured satin?

    FUNG. Ay, he, sir; though his suit blush, he blushes not, look you, that's
    the suit, sir: I would have mine such a suit without difference, such
    stuff, such a wing, such a sleeve, such a skirt, belly and all; therefore,
    pray you observe it. Have you a pair of tables?

    FAST. Why, do you see, sir, they say I am fantastical; why, true, I know
    it, and I pursue my humour still, in contempt of this censorious age.
    'Slight, an a man should do nothing but what a sort of stale judgments
    about him this town will approve in him, he were a sweet ass: I'd beg him,
    i'faith. I ne'er knew any more find fault with a fashion, than they that
    knew not how to put themselves into it. For mine own part, so I please
    mine own appetite, I am careless what the fusty world speaks of me. Puh!

    FUNG. Do you mark, how it hangs at the knee there?

    TAI. I warrant you, sir.

    FUNG. For God's sake do, not all; do you see the collar, sir?

    TAI. Fear nothing, it shall not differ in a stitch, sir.

    FUNG. Pray heaven it do not! you'll make these linings serve, and help me
    to a chapman for the outside, will you?

    TAI. I'll do my best, sir: you'll put it off presently.

    FUNG. Ay, go with me to my chamber you shall have it — but make haste of
    it, for the love of a customer; for I'll sit in my old suit, or else lie a
    bed, and read the 'Arcadia' till you have done.
    [EXIT WITH HIS TAILOR.

    RE-ENTER CARLO.
    CAR. O, if ever you were struck with a jest, gallants, now, now, now, I do
    usher the most strange piece of military profession that ever was
    discovered in 'Insula Paulina'.

    FAST. Where? where?

    PUNT. What is he for a creature?

    CAR. A pimp, a pimp, that I have observed yonder, the rarest superficies
    of a humour; he comes every morning to empty his lungs in Paul's here; and
    offers up some five or six hecatombs of faces and sighs, and away again.
    Here he comes; nay, walk, walk, be not seen to note him, and we shall have
    excellent sport.

    ENTER SHIFT; AND WALKS BY, USING ACTION TO HIS RAPIER.
    PUNT. 'Slid, he vented a sigh e'en now, I thought he would have blown up
    the church.

    CAR. O, you shall have him give a number of those false fires ere he depart.

    FAST. See, now he is expostulating with his rapier: look, look!

    CAR. Did you ever in your days observe better passion over a hilt?

    PUNT. Except it were in the person of a cutlet's boy, or that the fellow
    were nothing but vapour, I should think it impossible.

    CAR. See again, he claps his sword o' the head, as who should say, well,
    go to.

    FAST. O violence! I wonder the blade can contain itself, being so provoked.

    CAR. "With that the moody squire thumpt his breast,
    And rear'd his eyen to heaven for revenge."

    SOG. Troth, an you be good gentlemen, let's make them friends, and take up
    the matter between his rapier and him.

    CAR. Nay, if you intend that, you must lay down the matter; for this
    rapier, it seems, is in the nature of a hanger-on, and the good gentleman
    would happily be rid of him.

    FAST. By my faith, and 'tis to be suspected; I'll ask him.

    MACI. O, here's rich stuff! for life's sake, let us go:
    A man would wish himself a senseless pillar,
    Rather than view these monstrous prodigies:
    "Nil habet infelix paupertas durius in se,
    Quam quod ridiculos homines facit —"
    [EXIT WITH DELIRO.

    FAST. Signior.

    SHIFT. At your service.

    FAST. Will you sell your rapier?

    CAR. He is turn'd wild upon the question; he looks as he had seen a serjeant.

    SHIFT. Sell my rapier! now fate bless me!

    PUNT. Amen.

    SHIFT. You ask'd me if I would sell my rapier, sir?

    FAST. I did indeed.

    SHIFT. Now, lord have mercy upon me!

    PUNT. Amen, I say still.

    SHIFT. 'Slid, sir, what should you behold in my face, sir, that should
    move you, as they say, sir, to ask me, sir, if I would sell my rapier?

    FAST. Nay, let me pray you sir, be not moved: I protest, I would rather
    have been silent, than any way offensive, had I known your nature.

    SHIFT. Sell my rapier? 'ods lid! — Nay, sir, for mine own part, as I am
    a man that has serv'd in causes, or so, so I am not apt to injure any
    gentleman in the degree of falling foul, but — sell my rapier! I will
    tell you, sir, I have served with this foolish rapier, where some of us
    dare not appear in haste; I name no man; but let that pass. Sell my
    rapier! — death to my lungs! This rapier, sir, has travell'd by my side,
    sir, the best part of France, and the Low Country: I have seen Flushing,
    Brill, and the Hague, with this rapier, sir, in my Lord of Leicester's
    time; and by God's will, he that should offer to disrapier me now, I would
    — Look you, sir, you presume to be a gentleman of sort, and so likewise
    your friends here; if you have any disposition to travel for the sight of
    service, or so, one, two, or all of you, I can lend you letters to divers
    officers and commanders in the Low Countries, that shall for my cause do
    you all the good offices, that shall pertain or belong to gentleman of your
    —— [LOWERING HIS VOICE.] Please you to shew the bounty of your mind,
    sir, to impart some ten groats, or half a crown to our use, till our
    ability be of growth to return it, and we shall think oneself —— 'Sblood!
    sell my rapier!

    SOG. I pray you, what said he, signior? he's a proper man.

    FAST. Marry, he tells me, if I please to shew the bounty of my mind, to
    impart some ten groats to his use, or so —

    PUNT. Break his head, and give it him.

    CAR. I thought he had been playing o' the Jew's trump, I.

    SHIFT. My rapier! no, sir; my rapier is my guard, my defence, my revenue,
    my honour; — if you cannot impart, be secret, I beseech you — and I will
    maintain it, where there is a grain of dust, or a drop of water. [SIGHS.]
    Hard is the choice when the valiant must eat their arms, or clem. Sell my
    rapier! no, my dear, I will not be divorced from thee, yet; I have ever
    found thee true as steel, and — You cannot impart, sir? — Save you,
    gentlemen; — nevertheless, if you have a fancy to it, sir —

    FAST. Prithee away: Is signior Deliro departed?

    CAR. Have you seen a pimp outface his own wants better?

    SOG. I commend him that can dissemble them so well.

    PUNT. True, and having no better a cloak for it than he has neither.

    FAST. Od's precious, what mischievous luck is this! adieu, gentlemen.

    PUNT. Whither in such haste, monsieur Fastidious?

    FAST. After my merchant, signior Deliro, sir.
    [EXIT.

    CAR. O hinder him not, he may hap lose his title; a good flounder, i'faith.
    [ORANGE AND CLOVE CALL SHIFT ASIDE.

    CAR. How! signior Whiffe?

    ORANGE. What was the difference between that gallant that's gone and you, sir?

    SHIFT. No difference; he would have given me five pound for my rapier, and
    I refused it; that's all.

    CLOVE. O, was it no otherwise? we thought you had been upon some terms.

    SHIFT. No other than you saw, sir.

    CLOVE. Adieu, good master Apple-John.
    [EXIT WITH ORANGE.

    CAR. How! Whiffe, and Apple-John too? Heart, what will you say if this
    be the appendix or label to both you indentures?

    PUNT. It may be.

    CAR. Resolve us of it, Janus, thou that look'st every way; or thou,
    Hercules, that has travelled all countries.

    PUNT. Nay, Carlo, spend not time in invocations now, 'tis late.

    CAR. Signior, here's a gentleman desirous of your name, sir.

    SHIFT. Sir, my name is cavalier Shift: I am known sufficiently in this
    walk, sir.

    CAR. Shift! I heard your name varied even now, as I take it.

    SHIFT. True, sir, it pleases the world, as I am her excellent tobacconist,
    to give me the style of signior Whiffe; as I am a poor esquire about the
    town here, they call me master Apple-John. Variety of good names does
    well, sir.

    CAR. Ay, and good parts, to make those good names; out of which I imagine
    yon bills to be yours.

    SHIFT. Sir, if I should deny the manuscripts, I were worthy to be banish'd
    the middle aisle for ever.

    CAR. I take your word, sir: this gentleman has subscribed to them, and is
    most desirous to become your pupil. Marry, you must use expedition.
    Signior Insulso Sogliardo, this is the professor.

    SOG. In good time, sir: nay, good sir, house your head; do you profess
    these sleights in tobacco?

    SHIFT. I do more than profess, sir, and, if you please to be a
    practitioner, I will undertake in one fortnight to bring you, that you
    shall take it plausibly in any ordinary, theatre, or the Tilt-yard, if need
    be, in the most popular assembly that is.

    PUNT. But you cannot bring him to the whiffe so soon?

    SHIFT. Yes, as soon, sir; he shall receive the first, second, and third
    whiffe, if it please him, and, upon the receipt, take his horse, drink his
    three cups of canary, and expose one at Hounslow, a second at Stains, and a
    third at Bagshot.

    CAR. Baw-waw!

    SOG. You will not serve me, sir, will you? I'll give you more than
    countenance.

    SHIFT. Pardon me, sir, I do scorn to serve any man.

    CAR. Who! he serve? 'sblood, he keeps high men, and low men, he! he has
    a fair living at Fullam.

    SHIFT. But in the nature of a fellow, I'll be your follower, if you please.

    SOG. Sir, you shall stay, and dine with me, and if we can agree, we'll not
    part in haste: I am very bountiful to men of quality. Where shall we go,
    signior?

    PUNT. Your Mitre is your best house.

    SHIFT. I can make this dog take as many whiffes as I list, and he shall
    retain, or effume them, at my pleasure.

    PUNT. By your patience, follow me, fellows.

    SOG. Sir Puntarvolo!

    PUNT. Pardon me, my dog shall not eat in his company for a million.
    [EXIT WITH HIS SERVANTS.

    CAR. Nay, be not you amazed, signior Whiffe, whatever that stiff-necked
    gentleman says.

    SOG. No, for you do not know the humour of the dog, as we do: Where shall
    we dine, Carlo? I would fain go to one of these ordinaries, now I am a
    gentleman.

    CAR. So you may; were you never at any yet?

    SOG. No, faith; but they say there resorts your most choice gallants.

    CAR. True, and the fashion is, when any stranger comes in amongst 'em,
    they all stand up and stare at him, as he were some unknown beast, brought
    out of Africk; but that will be helped with a good adventurous face. You
    must be impudent enough, sit down, and use no respect: when anything's
    propounded above your capacity smile at it, make two or three faces, and
    'tis excellent; they'll think you have travell'd; though you argue, a whole
    day, in silence thus, and discourse in nothing but laughter, 'twill pass.
    Only, now and then, give fire, discharge a good full oath, and offer a
    great wager; 'twill be admirable.

    SOG. I warrant you, I am resolute; come, good signior, there's a poor
    French crown for your ordinary.

    SHIFT. It comes well, for I had not so much as the least portcullis of
    coin before.

    MIT. I travail with another objection, signior, which I fear will be
    enforced against the author, ere I can be deliver'd of it.

    COR. What's that sir?

    MIT. That the argument of his comedy might have been of some other nature,
    as of a duke to be in love with a countess, and that countess to be in love
    with the duke's son, and the son to love the lady's waiting maid; some such
    cross wooing, with a clown to their servingman, better than to be thus
    near, and familiarly allied to the time.

    COR. You say well, but I would fain hear one of these autumn-judgments
    define once, "Quid sit comoedia?" if he cannot, let him content himself
    with Cicero's definition, till he have strength to propose to himself a
    better, who would have a comedy to be 'imitatio vitae, speculum
    consuetudinis, imago veritatis'; a thing throughout pleasant and
    ridiculous, and accommodated to the correction of manners: if the maker
    have fail'd in any particle of this, they may worthily tax him; but if not,
    why — be you, that are for them, silent, as I will be for him; and give
    way to the actors.


    SCENE II. — THE COUNTRY.



    ENTER SORDIDO, WITH A HALTER ABOUT HIS NECK.

    SORD. Nay, God's precious, if the weather and season be so respectless,
    that beggars shall live as well as their betters; and that my hunger and
    thirst for riches shall not make them hunger and thirst with poverty; that
    my sleep shall be broken, and their hearts not broken; that my coffers
    shall be full, and yet care; their's empty, and yet merry; — 'tis time
    that a cross should bear flesh and blood, since flesh and blood cannot bear
    this cross.

    MIT. What, will he hang himself?

    COR. Faith, ay; it seems his prognostication has not kept touch with him,
    and that makes him despair.

    MIT. Beshrew me, he will be 'out of his humour' then indeed.

    SORD. Tut, these star-monger knaves, who would trust them? One says dark
    and rainy, when 'tis as clear as chrystal; another says, tempestuous blasts
    and storms, and 'twas as calm as a milk-bowl; here be sweet rascals for a
    man to credit his whole fortunes with! You sky-staring coxcombs you, you
    fat-brains, out upon you; you are good for nothing but to sweat night-caps,
    and make rug-gowns dear! you learned men, and have not a legion of devils
    'a votre service! a votre service!' by heaven, I think I shall die a
    better scholar than they: but soft —
    ENTER A HIND, WITH A LETTER.
    How now, sirrah?

    HIND. Here's a letter come from your son, sir.

    SORD. From my son, sir! what would my son, sir? some good news, no doubt.
    [READS.
    "Sweet and dear father, desiring you first to send me your blessing, which
    is more worth to me than gold or silver, I desire you likewise to be
    advertised, that this Shrove-tide, contrary to custom, we use always to
    have revels; which is indeed dancing, and makes an excellent shew in truth;
    especially if we gentlemen be well attired, which our seniors note, and
    think the better of our fathers, the better we are maintained, and that
    they shall know if they come up, and have anything to do in the law;
    therefore, good father, these are, for your own sake as well as mine, to
    re-desire you, that you let me not want that which is fit for the setting
    up of our name, in the honourable volume of gentility, that I may say to
    our calumniators, with Tully, 'Ego sum ortus domus meae, tu occasus tuae.'
    And thus, not doubting of your fatherly benevolence, I humbly ask your
    blessing, and pray God to bless you.
    Yours, if his own," [FUNGOSO.]
    How's this! "Yours, if his own!" Is he not my son, except he be his own
    son? belike this is some new kind of subscription the gallants use. Well!
    wherefore dost thou stay, knave? away; go.
    [EXIT HIND.]
    Here's a letter, indeed! revels? and benevolence? is this a weather to
    send benevolence? or is this a season to revel in? 'Slid, the devil and
    all takes part to vex me, I think! this letter would never have come now
    else, now, now, when the sun shines, and the air thus clear. Soul! If
    this hold, se shall shortly have an excellent crop of corn spring out of
    the high ways: the streets and houses of the town will be hid with the
    rankness of the fruits, that grow there in spite of good husbandry. Go to,
    I'll prevent the sight of it, come as quickly as it can, I will prevent the
    sight of it. I have this remedy, heaven.
    [CLAMBERS UP, AND SUSPENDS THE HALTER TO A TREE.]
    Stay; I'll try the pain thus a little. O, nothing, nothing. Well now!
    shall my son gain a benevolence by my death? or anybody be the better for
    my gold, or so forth? no; alive I kept it from them, and dead, my ghost
    shall walk about it, and preserve it. My son and daughter shall starve ere
    they touch it; I have hid it as deep as hell from the sight of heaven, and
    to it I go now.
    [FLINGS HIMSELF OFF.

    ENTER FIVE OR SIX RUSTICS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER.

    1 RUST. Ah me, what pitiful sight is this! help, help, help!

    2 RUST. How now! what's the matter?

    1 RUST. O, here's a man has hang'd himself, help to get him again.

    2 RUST. Hang'd himself! 'Slid, carry him afore a justice, 'tis
    chance-medley, o' my word.

    3 RUST. How now, what's here to do?

    4 RUST. How comes this?

    2 RUST. One has executed himself, contrary to order of law, and by my
    consent he shall answer it.
    [THEY CUT HIM DOWN.

    5 RUST. Would he were in case to answer it!

    1 RUST. Stand by, he recovers, give him breath.

    SORD. Oh!

    5 RUST. Mass, 'twas well you went the footway, neighbour.

    1 RUST. Ay, an I had not cut the halter —

    SORD. How! cut the halter! ah me, I am undone, I am undone!

    2 RUST. Marry, if you had not been undone, you had been hang'd. I can
    tell you.

    SORD. You thread-bare, horse-bread-eating rascals, if you would needs have
    been meddling, could you not have untied it, but you must cut it; and in
    the midst too! ah me!

    1 RUST. Out on me, 'tis the caterpillar Sordido! how curst are the poor,
    that the viper was blest with this good fortune!

    2 RUST. Nay, how accurst art thou, that art cause to the curse of the poor?

    3 RUST. Ay, and to save so wretched a caitiff?

    4 RUST. Curst be thy fingers that loos'd him!

    2 RUST. Some desperate fury possess thee, that thou may'st hang thyself too!

    5 RUST. Never may'st thou be saved, that saved so damn'd a monster!

    SORD. What curses breathe these men! how have my deeds
    Made my looks differ from another man's,
    That they should thus detest and loath my life!
    Out on my wretched humour! it is that
    Makes me thus monstrous in true humane eyes.
    Pardon me, gentle friends, I'll make fair 'mends
    For my foul errors past, and twenty-fold
    Restore to all men, what with wrong I robb'd them:
    My barns and garners shall stand open still
    To all the poor that come, and my best grain
    Be made alms-bread, to feed half-famish'd mouths.
    Though hitherto amongst you I have lived,
    Like an unsavoury muck-hill to myself,
    Yet now my gather'd heaps being spread abroad,
    Shall turn to better and more fruitful uses.
    Bless then this man, curse him no more for the saving
    My life and soul together. O how deeply
    The bitter curses of the poor do pierce!
    I am by wonder changed; come in with me
    And witness my repentance: now I prove,
    No life is blest, that is not graced with love.
    [EXIT.

    2 RUST. O miracle! see when a man has grace!

    3 RUST. Had it not been pity so good a man should have been cast away?

    2 RUST. Well, I'll get our clerk put his conversion in the 'Acts and
    Monuments'.

    4 RUST. Do, for I warrant him he's a martyr.

    2 RUST. O God, how he wept, if you mark'd it! did you see how the tears
    trill'd?

    5 RUST. Yes, believe me, like master vicar's bowls upon the green, for all
    the world.

    3 RUST. O neighbour, God's blessing o' your heart, neighbour, 'twas a good
    grateful deed.
    [EXEUNT.

    COR. How now, Mitis! what's that you consider so seriously?

    MIT. Troth, that which doth essentially please me, the warping condition
    of this green and soggy multitude; but in good faith, signior, your author
    hath largely outstript my expectation in this scene, I will liberally
    confess it. For when I saw Sordido so desperately intended, I thought I
    had had a hand of him, then.

    COR. What! you supposed he should have hung himself indeed?

    MIT. I did, and had framed my objection to it ready, which may yet be
    very fitly urged, and with some necessity; for though his purposed violence
    lost the effect, and extended not to death, yet the intent and horror of
    the object was more than the nature of a comedy will in any sort admit.

    COR. Ay! what think you of Plautus, in his comedy called 'Cistellaria'?
    there, where he brings in Alcesimarchus with a drum sword ready to kill
    himself, and as he is e'en fixing his breast upon it, to be restrained from
    his resolved outrage, by Silenium and the bawd? Is not his authority of
    power to give our scene approbation?

    MIT. Sir, I have this only evasion left me, to say, I think it be so
    indeed; your memory is happier than mine: but I wonder, what engine he
    will use to bring the rest out of their humours!

    COR. That will appear anon, never pre-occupy your imagination withal. Let
    your mind keep company with the scene still, which now removes itself from
    the country to the court. Here comes Macilente, and signior Brisk freshly
    suited; lose not yourself, for now the epitasis, or busy part of our
    subject, is an act.


    SCENE III. — AN APARTMENT AT THE COURT



    ENTER MACILENTE, FASTIDIOUS, BOTH IN A NEW SUIT, AND CINEDO, WITH TOBACCO.

    FAST. Well, now signior Macilente, you are not only welcome to the court,
    but also to my mistress's withdrawing chamber — Boy, get me some tobacco.
    I'll but go in, and shew I am here, and come to you presently, sir.
    [EXIT.

    MACI. What's that he said? by heaven, I mark'd him not:
    My thoughts and I were of another world.
    I was admiring mine own outside here,
    To think what privilege and palm it bears
    Here, in the court! be a man ne'er so vile,
    In wit, in judgment, manners, or what else;
    If he can purchase but a silken cover,
    He shall not only pass, but pass regarded:
    Whereas, let him be poor, and meanly clad,
    Though ne'er so richly parted, you shall have
    A fellow that knows nothing but his beef,
    Or how to rince his clammy guts in beer,
    Will take him by the shoulders, or the throat,
    And kick him down the stairs. Such is the state
    Of virtue in bad clothes! — ha, ha, ha, ha!
    That raiment should be in such high request!
    How long should I be, ere I should put off
    To the lord chancellor's tomb, or the shrives' poste?
    By heav'n, I think, a thousand, thousand year.
    His gravity, his wisdom, and his faith
    To my dread sovereign, graces that survive him,
    These I could well endure to reverence,
    But not his tomb; no more than I'd commend
    The chapel organ for the gilt without,
    Or this base-viol, for the varnish'd face.

    RE-ENTER FASTIDIOUS.
    FAST. I fear I have made you stay somewhat long, sir; but is my tobacco
    ready, boy?

    CIN. Ay, sir.

    FAST. Give me; my mistress is upon coming, you shall see her presently,
    sir. [PUFFS.] You'll say you never accosted a more piercing wit. — This
    tobacco is not dried, boy, or else the pipe is defective. — Oh, your wits
    of Italy are nothing comparable to her: her brain's a very quiver of
    jests, and she does dart them abroad with that sweet, loose, and judicial
    aim, that you would — here she comes, sir.
    [SAVIOLINA LOOKS IN, AND DRAWS BACK AGAIN.

    MACI. 'Twas time, his invention had been bogged else.

    SAV. [WITHIN.] Give me my fan there.

    MACI. How now, monsieur Brisk?

    FAST. A kind of affectionate reverence strikes me with a cold shivering,
    methinks.

    MACI. I like such tempers well, as stand before their mistresses with fear
    and trembling; and before their Maker, like impudent mountains!

    FAST. By this hand, I'd spend twenty pound my vaulting horse stood here
    now, she might see do but one trick.

    MACI. Why, does she love activity?

    CIN. Or, if you had but your long stockings on, to be dancing a galliard
    as she comes by.

    FAST. Ay, either. O, these stirring humours make ladies mad with desire;
    she comes. My good genius embolden me: boy, the pipe quickly.

    ENTER SAVIOLINA.
    MACI. What! will he give her music?

    FAST. A second good morrow to my fair mistress.

    SAV. Fair servant, I'll thank you a day hence, when the date of your
    salutation comes forth.

    FAST. How like you that answer? is't not admirable?

    MACI. I were a simple courtier, if I could not admire trifles, sir.

    FAST. [TALKS AND TAKES TOBACCO BETWEEN THE BREAKS.] Troth, sweet lady, I
    shall [PUFFS] — be prepared to give you thanks for those thanks, and —
    study more officious, and obsequious regards — to your fair beauties. —
    Mend the pipe, boy.

    MACI. I never knew tobacco taken as a parenthesis before.

    FAST. 'Fore God, sweet lady, believe it, I do honour the meanest rush in
    this chamber for your love.

    SAV. Ay, you need not tell me that, sir; I do think you do prize a rush
    before my love.

    MACI. Is this the wonder of nations!

    FAST. O, by this air, pardon me, I said 'for' your love, by this light:
    but it is the accustomed sharpness of your ingenuity, sweet mistress, to
    [TAKES DOWNTHE VIOL, AND PLAYS] — mass, your viol's new strung, methinks.

    MACI. Ingenuity! I see his ignorance will not suffer him to slander her,
    which he had done notably, if he had said wit for ingenuity, as he meant it.

    FAST. By the soul of music, lady — HUM, HUM.

    SAV. Would we might hear it once.

    FAST. I do more adore and admire your — HUM, HUM — predominant
    perfections, than — HUM, HUM — ever I shall have power and faculty to
    express — HUM.

    SAV. Upon the viol de gambo, you mean?

    FAST. It's miserably out of tune, by this hand.

    SAV. Nay, rather by the fingers.

    MACI. It makes good harmony with her wit.

    FAST. Sweet lady, tune it. [SAVIOLINA TUNES THE VIOL.] — Boy, some tobacco.

    MACI. Tobacco again! he does court his mistress with very exceeding good
    changes.

    FAST. Signior Macilente, you take none, sir?

    MACI. No, unless I had a mistress, signior, it were a great indecorum for
    me to take tobacco.

    FAST. How like you her wit?
    [TALKS AND TAKES TOBACCO BETWEEN AGAIN.

    MACI. Her ingenuity is excellent, sir.

    FAST. You see the subject of her sweet fingers there — Oh, she tickles it
    so, that — She makes it laugh most divinely; — I'll tell you a good jest
    now, and yourself shall say it's a good one: I have wished myself to be
    that instrument, I think, a thousand times, and not so few, by heaven! —

    MACI. Not unlike, sir; but how? to be cased up and hung by on the wall?

    FAST. O, no, sir, to be in use, I assure you; as your judicious eyes may
    testify. —

    SAV. Here, servant, if you will play, come.

    FAST. Instantly, sweet lady. — In good faith, here's most divine tobacco!

    SAV. Nay, I cannot stay to dance after your pipe.

    FAST. Good! Nay, dear lady, stay; by this sweet smoke, I think your wit
    be all fire. —

    MACI. And he's the salamander belongs to it.

    SAV. Is your tobacco perfumed, servant, that you swear by the sweet smoke?

    FAST. Still more excellent! Before heaven, and these bright lights, I
    think — you are made of ingenuity, I —

    MACI. True, as your discourse is. O abominable!

    FAST. Will your ladyship take any?

    SAV. O peace, I pray you; I love not the breath of a woodcock's head.

    FAST. Meaning my head, lady?

    SAV. Not altogether so, sir; but, as it were fatal to their follies that
    think to grace themselves with taking tobacco, when they want better
    entertainment, you see your pipe bears the true form of a woodcock's head.

    FAST. O admirable simile!

    AV. 'Tis best leaving of you in admiration, sir.
    [EXIT.

    MACI. Are these the admired lady-wits, that having so good a plain song,
    can run no better division upon it? All her jests are of the stamp March
    was fifteen years ago. Is this the comet, monsieur Fastidious, that your
    gallants wonder at so?

    FAST. Heart of a gentleman, to neglect me afore the presence thus! Sweet
    sir, I beseech you be silent in my disgrace. By the muses, I was never in
    so vile a humour in my life, and her wit was at the flood too! Report it
    not for a million, good sir: let me be so far endeared to your love.
    [EXEUNT.

    MIT. What follows next, signior Cordatus? this gallant's humour is almost
    spent; methinks it ebbs apace, with this contrary breath of his mistress.

    COR. O, but it will flow again for all this, till there come a general
    drought of humour among our actors, and then I fear not but his will fall
    as low as any. See who presents himself here!

    MIT. What, in the old case?

    COR. Ay, faith, which makes it the more pitiful; you understand where the
    scene is?




    ACT IV



    SCENE I. — A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE.



    ENTER FUNGOSO, FALLACE FOLLOWING HIM.

    FAL. Why are you so melancholy, brother?

    FUNG. I am not melancholy, I thank you, sister.

    FAL. Why are you not merry then? there are but two of us in all the
    world, and if we should not be comforts one to another, God help us!

    FUNG. Faith, I cannot tell, sister; but if a man had any true melancholy
    in him, it would make him melancholy to see his yeomanly father cut his
    neighbours' throats, to make his son a gentleman; and yet, when he has cut
    them, he will see his son's throat cut too, ere he make him a true
    gentleman indeed, before death cut his own throat. I must be the first
    head of our house, and yet he will not give me the head till I be made so.
    Is any man termed a gentleman, that is not always in the fashion? I would
    know but that.

    FAL. If you be melancholy for that, brother, I think I have as much cause
    to be melancholy as any one: for I'll be sworn, I live as little in the
    fashion as any woman in London. By the faith of a gentlewoman, beast that
    I am to say it! I have not one friend in the world besides my husband.
    When saw you master Fastidious Brisk, brother?

    FUNG. But a while since, sister, I think: I know not well in truth. By
    this hand I could fight with all my heart, methinks.

    FAL. Nay, good brother, be not resolute.

    FUNG. I sent him a letter, and he writes me no answer neither.

    FAL. Oh, sweet Fastidious Brisk! O fine courtier! thou are he makest me
    sigh, and say, how blessed is that woman that hath a courtier to her
    husband, and how miserable a dame she is, that hath neither husband, nor
    friend in the court! O sweet Fastidious! O fine courtier! How comely he
    bows him in his court'sy! how full he hits a woman between the lips when
    he kisses! how upright he sits at the table! how daintily he carves! how
    sweetly he talks, and tells news of this lord and of that lady! how
    cleanly he wipes his spoon at every spoonful of any whitemeat he eats! and
    what a neat case of pick-tooths he carries about him still! O sweet
    Fastidious! O fine courtier!

    ENTER DELIRO AT A DISTANCE, WITH MUSICIANS.
    DELI. See, yonder she is, gentlemen. Now, as ever you'll bear the name of
    musicians, touch your instruments sweetly; she has a delicate ear, I tell
    you: play not a false note, I beseech you.

    MUSI. Fear not, signior Deliro.

    DELI. O, begin, begin, some sprightly thing: lord, how my imagination
    labours with the success of it! [THEY STRIKE UP A LIVELY TUNE.] Well
    said, good i'faith! Heaven grant it please her. I'll not be seen, for
    then she'll be sure to dislike it.

    FAL. Hey — da! this is excellent! I'll lay my life this is my husband's
    dotage. I thought so; nay, never play bo-peep with me; I know you do
    nothing but study how to anger me, sir.

    DELI. [COMING FORWARD.] Anger thee, sweet wife! why, didst thou not send
    for musicians at supper last night thyself?

    FAL. To supper, sir! now, come up to supper, I beseech you: as though
    there were no difference between supper-time, when folks should be merry,
    and this time when they should be melancholy. I would never take upon me
    to take a wife, if I had no more judgment to please her.

    DELI. Be pleased, sweet wife, and they shall have done; and would to fate
    my life were done, if I can never please thee!
    [EXEUNT MUSICIANS.

    ENTER MACILENTE.
    MACI. Save you lady; where is master Deliro?

    DELI. Here, master Macilente: you are welcome from court, sir; no doubt
    you have been graced exceedingly of master Brisk's mistress, and the rest
    of the ladies for his sake.

    MACI. Alas, the poor fantastic! he's scarce known
    To any lady there; and those that know him,
    Know him the simplest man of all they know:
    Deride, and play upon his amorous humours,
    Though he but apishly doth imitate
    The gallant'st courtiers, kissing ladies' pumps,
    Holding the cloth for them, praising their wits,
    And servilely observing every one
    May do them pleasure: fearful to be seen
    With any man, though he be ne'er so worthy,
    That's not in grace with some that are the greatest.
    Thus courtiers do, and these he counterfeits,
    But sets no such a sightly carriage
    Upon their vanities, as they themselves;
    And therefore they despise him: for indeed
    He's like the zany to a tumbler,
    That tries tricks after him, to make men laugh.

    FAL. Here's an unthankful spiteful wretch! the good gentleman vouchsafed
    to make him his companion, because my husband put him into a few rags, and
    now see how the unrude rascal backbites him!
    [ASIDE.

    DELI. Is he no more graced amongst them then, say you?

    MACI. Faith, like a pawn at chess: fills up a room, that's all.

    FAL. O monster of men! can the earth bear such an envious caitiff?
    [ASIDE.

    DELI. Well, I repent me I ever credited him so much: but now I see what
    he is, and that his masking vizor is off, I'll forbear him no longer. All
    his lands are mortgaged to me, and forfeited; besides, I have bonds of his
    in my hand, for the receipt of now fifty pounds now a hundred, now two
    hundred; still, as he has had a fan but wagged at him, he would be in a new
    suit. Well, I'll salute him by a serjeant, the next time I see him
    i'faith, I'll suit him.

    MACI. Why, you may soon see him sir, for he is to meet signior Puntarvolo
    at a notary's by the Exchange, presently; where he meant to take up, upon
    return.

    FAL. Now, out upon thee, Judas! canst thou not be content to backbite thy
    friend, but thou must betray him! Wilt thou seek the undoing of any man?
    and of such a man too? and will you, sir, get your living by the counsel
    of traitors?

    DELI. Dear wife, have patience.

    FAL. The house will fall, the ground will open and swallow us: I'll not
    bide here for all the gold and silver in heaven.
    [EXIT WITH FUNGOSO.

    DELI. O, good Macilente, let's follow and appease her, or the peace of my
    life is at an end.
    [EXIT.

    MACI. Now pease, and not peace, feed that life, whose head hangs so
    heavily over a woman's manger!
    [EXIT.


    SCENE II. — ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME.



    ENTER FALLACE AND FUNGOSO RUNNING; SHE CLAPS TO THE DOOR.

    FAL. Help me, brother! Ods body, an you come here I'll do myself a mischief.

    DELI. [WITHIN.] Nay, hear me, sweet wife; unless thou wilt have me go, I
    will not go.

    FAL. Tut, you shall never have that vantage of me, to say, you are undone
    by me. I'll not bid you stay, I. Brother, sweet brother, here's four
    angels, I'll give you towards your suit: for the love of gentry, and as
    ever you came of Christian creature, make haste to the water side, (you
    know where master Fastidious uses to land,) and give him warning of my
    husband's malicious intent; and tell him of that lean rascal's treachery.
    O heavens, how my flesh rises at him! Nay, sweet brother, make haste: you
    may say, I would have writ to him, but that the necessity of the time would
    not permit. He cannot choose but take it extraordinarily from me: and
    commend me to him, good brother; say, I sent you.
    [EXIT.

    FUNG. Let me see, these four angels, and then forty shillings more I can
    borrow on my gown in Fetter Lane. — Well, I will go presently, say on my
    suit, pay as much money as I have, and swear myself into credit with my
    tailor for the rest.
    [EXIT.


    SCENE III. — ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME.



    ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE.

    DELI. O, on my soul you wrong her, Macilente. Though she be froward, yet
    I know she is honest.

    MACI. Well, then have I no judgment. Would any woman, but one that were
    wild in her affections, have broke out into that immodest and violent
    passion against her husband? or is't possible —

    DELI. If you love me, forbear; all the arguments i' the world shall never
    wrest my heart to believe it.
    [EXEUNT.

    COR. How like you the deciphering of his dotage?

    MIT. O, strangely: an of the other's envy too, that labours so seriously
    to set debate betwixt a man and his wife. Stay, here comes the knight
    adventurer.

    COR. Ay, and his scrivener with him.


    SCENE IV. — PUNTARVOLO'S LODGINGS.



    ENTER PUNTARVOLO, NOTARY, AND SERVANTS WITH THE DOG AND CAT.

    PUNT. I wonder monsieur Fastidious comes not! But, notary, if thou please
    to draw the indentures the while, I will give thee thy instructions.

    NOT. With all my heart, sir; and I'll fall in hand with them presently.

    PUNT. Well then, first the sum is to be understood.

    NOT. [WRITES.] Good, sir.

    PUNT. Next, our several appellations, and character of my dog and cat,
    must be known. Shew him the cat, sirrah.

    NOT. So, sir.

    PUNT. Then, that the intended bound is the Turk's court in Constantinople;
    the time limited for our return, a year; and that if either of us miscarry,
    the whole venture is lost. These are general, conceiv'st thou? or if
    either of us turn Turk.

    NOT. Ay, sir.

    PUNT. Now, for particulars: that I may make my travels by sea or land, to
    my best liking; and that hiring a coach for myself, it shall be lawful for
    my dog or cat, or both, to ride with me in the said coach.

    NOT. Very good, sir.

    PUNT. That I may choose to give my dog or cat, fish, for fear of bones; or
    any other nutriment that, by the judgment of the most authentical
    physicians where I travel, shall be thought dangerous.

    NOT. Well, sir.

    PUNT. That, after the receipt of his money, he shall neither, in his own
    person, nor any other, either by direct or indirect means, as magic,
    witchcraft, or other such exotic arts, attempt, practise, or complot any
    thing to the prejudice of me, my dog, or my cat: neither shall I use the
    help of any such sorceries or enchantments, as unctions to make our skins
    impenetrable, or to travel invisible by virtue of a powder, or a ring, or
    to hang any three-forked charm about my dog's neck, secretly conveyed into
    his collar; (understand you?) but that all be performed sincerely, without
    fraud or imposture.

    NOT. So, sir.

    PUNT. That, for testimony of the performance, myself am to bring thence a
    Turk's mustachio, my dog a Grecian hare's lips, and my cat the train or
    tail of a Thracian rat.

    NOT. [WRITES.] 'Tis done, sir.

    PUNT. 'Tis said, sir; not done, sir. But forward; that, upon my return,
    and landing on the Tower-wharf, with the aforesaid testimony, I am to
    receive five for one, according to the proportion of the sums put forth.

    NOT. Well, sir.

    PUNT. Provided, that if before our departure, or setting forth, either
    myself or these be visited with sickness, or any other casual event, so
    that the whole course of the adventure be hindered thereby, that then he is
    to return, and I am to receive the prenominated proportion upon fair and
    equal terms.

    NOT. Very good, sir; is this all?

    PUNT. It is all, sir; and dispatch them, good notary.

    NOT. As fast as is possible, sir.
    [EXIT.

    ENTER CARLO.
    PUNT. O Carlo! welcome: saw you monsieur Brisk?

    CAR. Not I: did he appoint you to meet here?

    PUNT. Ay, and I muse he should be so tardy; he is to take an hundred
    pounds of me in venture, if he maintain his promise.

    CAR. Is his hour past?

    PUNT. Not yet, but it comes on apace.

    CAR. Tut, be not jealous of him; he will sooner break all the
    commandments, than his hour; upon my life, in such a case trust him.

    PUNT. Methinks, Carlo, you look very smooth, ha!

    CAR. Why, I came but now from a hot-house; I must needs look smooth.

    PUNT. From a hot-house!

    CAR. Ay, do you make a wonder on't? why, it is your only physic. Let a
    man sweat once a week in a hot-house, and be well rubb'd, and froted, with
    a good plump juicy wench, and sweet linen, he shall ne'er have the pox.

    PUNT. What, the French pox?

    CAR. The French pox! out pox: we have them in as good a form as they,
    man; what?

    PUNT. Let me perish, but thou art a salt one! was your new-created
    gallant there with you, Sogliardo?

    CAR. O porpoise! hang him, no: he's a leiger at Horn's ordinary, yonder;
    his villainous Ganymede and he have been droning a tobacco-pipe there ever
    since yesterday noon.

    PUNT. Who? signior Tripartite, that would give my dog the whiffe?

    CAR. Ay, he. They have hired a chamber and all, private, to practise in,
    for the making of the patoun, the receipt reciprocal, and a number of other
    mysteries not yet extant. I brought some dozen or twenty gallants this
    morning to view them, as you'd do a piece of perspective, in at a key-hole;
    and there we might see Sogliardo sit in a chair, holding his snout up like
    a sow under an apple-tree, while the other open'd his nostrils with a
    poking-stick, to give the smoke a more free delivery. They had spit some
    three or fourscore ounces between 'em, afore we came away.

    PUNT. How! spit three or fourscore ounces?

    CAR. Ay, and preserv'd it in porrengers, as a barber does his blood, when
    he opens a vein.

    PUNT. Out, pagan! how dost thou open the vein of thy friend?

    CAR. Friend! is there any such foolish thing in the world, ha? 'slid I
    never relished it yet.

    PUNT. Thy humour is the more dangerous.

    CAR. No, not a whit, signior. Tut, a man must keep time in all; I can oil
    my tongue when I meet him next, and look with a good sleek forehead; 'twill
    take away all soil of suspicion, and that's enough: what Lynceus can see
    my heart? Pish, the title of a friend! it's a vain, idle thing, only
    venerable among fools; you shall not have one that has any opinion of wit
    affect it.

    ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE.
    DELI. Save you, good sir Puntarvolo.

    PUNT. Signior Deliro! welcome.

    DELI. Pray you, sir, did you see master Fastidious Brisk? I heard he was
    to meet your worship here.

    PUNT. You heard no figment, sir; I do expect him at every pulse of my watch.

    DELI. In good time, sir.

    CAR. There's a fellow now looks like one of the patricians of Sparta;
    marry, his wit's after ten i' the hundred: a good bloodhound, a
    close-mouthed dog, he follows the scent well; marry, he's at fault now,
    methinks.

    PUNT. I should wonder at that creature is free from the danger of thy tongue.

    CAR. O, I cannot abide these limbs of satin, or rather Satan indeed, that
    will walk, like the children of darkness, all day in a melancholy shop,
    with their pockets full of blanks, ready to swallow up as many poor
    unthrifts as come within the verge.

    PUNT. So! and what hast thou for him that is with him, now?

    CAR. O, d—n me! immortality! I'll not meddle with him; the pure element
    of fire, all spirit, extraction.

    PUNT. How, Carlo! ha, what is he, man?

    CAR. A scholar, Macilente; do you not know him? a rank, raw-boned
    anatomy, he walks up and down like a charged musket, no man dares encounter
    him: that's his rest there.

    PUNT. His rest! why, has he a forked head?

    CAR. Pardon me, that's to be suspended; you are too quick, too apprehensive.

    DELI. Troth, now I think on't, I'll defer it till some other time.

    MACI. Not by any means, signior, you shall not lose this opportunity, he
    will be here presently now.

    DELI. Yes, faith, Macilente, 'tis best. For, look you, sir, I shall so
    exceedingly offend my wife in't, that —

    MACI. Your wife! now for shame lose these thoughts, and become the master
    of your own spirits. Should I, if I had a wife, suffer myself to be thus
    passionately carried to and fro with the stream of her humour, and neglect
    my deepest affairs, to serve her affections? 'Slight, I would geld myself
    first.

    DELI. O, but signior, had you such a wife as mine is, you would —

    MACI. Such a wife! Now hate me, sir, if ever I discern'd any wonder in
    your wife yet, with all the speculation I have: I have seen some that have
    been thought fairer than she, in my time; and I have seen those, have not
    been altogether so tall, esteem'd properer women; and I have seen less
    noses grow upon sweeter faces, that have done very well too, in my
    judgment. But in good faith, signior, for all this, the gentlewoman is a
    good, pretty, proud, hard-favour'd thing, marry not so peerlessly to be
    doted upon, I must confess: nay, be not angry.

    DELI. Well, sir, however you please to forget yourself, I have not
    deserv'd to be thus played upon; but henceforth, pray you forbear my house,
    for I can but faintly endure the savour of his breath, at my table, that
    shall thus jade me for my courtesies.

    MACI. Nay, then, signior, let me tell you, your wife is no proper woman,
    and by my life, I suspect her honesty, that's more, which you may likewise
    suspect, if you please, do you see? I'll urge you to nothing against your
    appetite, but if you please, you may suspect it.

    DELI. Good sir.
    [EXIT.

    MACI. Good, sir! now horn upon horn pursue thee, thou blind, egregious
    dotard!

    CAR. O, you shall hear him speak like envy. — Signior Macilente, you saw
    monsieur Brisk lately: I heard you were with him at court.

    MACI. Ay, Buffone, I was with him.

    CAR. And how is he respected there? I know you'll deal ingenuously with
    us; is he made much of amongst the sweeter sort of gallants?

    MACI. Faith, ay; his civet and his casting-glass
    Have helpt him to a place amongst the rest:
    And there, his seniors give him good slight looks,
    After their garb, smile, and salute in French
    With some new compliment.

    CAR. What, is this all?

    MACI. Why say, that they should shew the frothy fool
    Such grace as they pretend comes from the heart,
    He had a mighty windfall out of doubt!
    Why, all their graces are not to do grace
    To virtue or desert; but to ride both
    With their gilt spurs quite breathless, from themselves.
    'Tis now esteem'd precisianism in wit,
    And a disease in nature, to be kind
    Toward desert, to love or seek good names.
    Who feeds with a good name? who thrives with loving?
    Who can provide feast for his own desires,
    With serving others? — ha, ha, ha!
    'Tis folly, by our wisest worldlings proved,
    If not to gain by love, to be beloved.

    CAR. How like you him? is't not a good spiteful slave, ha?

    PUNT. Shrewd, shrewd.

    CAR. D—n me! I could eat his flesh now; divine sweet villain!

    MACI. Nay, prithee leave: What's he there?

    CAR. Who? this in the starched beard? it's the dull stiff knight
    Puntarvolo, man; he's to travel now presently: he has a good knotty wit;
    marry, he carries little on't out of the land with him.

    MACI. How then?

    CAR. He puts it forth in venture, as he does his money upon the return of
    a dog and cat.

    MACI. Is this he?

    CAR. Ay, this is he; a good tough gentleman: he looks like a shield of
    brawn at Shrove-tide, out of date, and ready to take his leave; or a dry
    pole of ling upon Easter-eve, that has furnish'd the table all Lent, as he
    has done the city this last vacation.

    MACI. Come, you'll never leave your stabbing similes: I shall have you
    aiming at me with 'em by and by; but —

    CAR. O, renounce me then! pure, honest, good devil, I love thee above the
    love of women: I could e'en melt in admiration of thee, now. Ods so, look
    here, man; Sir Dagonet and his squire!

    ENTER SOGLIARDO AND SHIFT.
    SOG. Save you, my dear gallantos: nay, come, approach, good cavalier:
    prithee, sweet knight, know this gentleman, he's one that it pleases me to
    use as my good friend and companion; and therefore do him good offices: I
    beseech you, gentles, know him, I know him all over.

    PUNT. Sir, for signior Sogliardo's sake, let it suffice, I know you.

    SOG. Why, as I am a gentleman, I thank you, knight, and it shall suffice.
    Hark you, sir Puntarvolo, you'd little think it; he's as resolute a piece
    of flesh as any in the world.

    PUNT. Indeed, sir!

    SOG. Upon my gentility, sir: Carlo, a word with you; do you see that same
    fellow, there?

    CAR. What, cavalier Shirt?

    SOG. O, you know him; cry you mercy: before me, I think him the tallest
    man living within the walls of Europe.

    CAR. The walls of Europe! take heed what you say, signior, Europe's a
    huge thing within the walls.

    SOG. 'Tut, an 'twere as huge again, I'd justify what I speak. 'Slid, he
    swagger'd even now in a place where we were — I never saw a man do it more
    resolute.

    CAR. Nay, indeed, swaggering is a good argument of resolution. Do you
    hear this, signior?

    MACI. Ay, to my grief. O, that such muddy flags,
    For every drunken flourish should achieve
    The name of manhood, whilst true perfect valour,
    Hating to shew itself, goes by despised!
    Heart! I do know now, in a fair just cause,
    I dare do more than he, a thousand times;
    Why should not they take knowledge of this, ha!
    And give my worth allowance before his?
    Because I cannot swagger. — Now, the pox
    Light on your Pickt-hatch prowess!

    SOG. Why, I tell you, sir; he has been the only 'Bid-stand' that ever kept
    New-market, Salisbury-plain, Hockley i' the Hole, Gadshill, and all the
    high places of any request: he has had his mares and his geldings, he,
    have been worth forty, threescore, a hundred pound a horse, would ha'
    sprung you over the hedge and ditch like your greyhound: he has done five
    hundred robberies in his time, more or less, I assure you.

    PUNT. What, and scaped?

    SOG. Scaped! i'faith, ay: he has broken the gaol when he has been in
    irons and irons; and been out and in again; and out, and in; forty times,
    and not so few, he.

    MACI. A fit trumpet, to proclaim such a person.

    CAR. But can this be possible?

    SHIFT. Pardon me, my dear Orestes; causes have their quiddits, and 'tis
    ill jesting with bell-ropes.

    CAR. How! Pylades and Orestes?

    SOG. Ay, he is my Pylades, and I am his Orestes: how like you the conceit?

    CAR. O, 'tis an old stale interlude device; no, I'll give you names
    myself, look you; he shall be your Judas, and you shall be his elder-tree
    to hang on.

    MACI. Nay, rather let him be captain Pod, and this his motion: for he
    does nothing but shew him.

    CAR. Excellent: or thus; you shall be Holden, and he your camel.

    SHIFT. You do not mean to ride, gentlemen?

    PUNT. Faith, let me end it for you, gallants: you shall be his
    Countenance, and he your Resolution.

    SOG. Troth, that's pretty: how say you, cavalier, shall it be so?

    CAR. Ay, ay, most voices.

    SHIFT. Faith, I am easily yielding to any good impressions.

    SOG. Then give hands, good Resolution.

    CAR. Mass, he cannot say, good Countenance, now, properly, to him again.

    PUNT. Yes, by an irony.

    MACI. O, sir, the countenance of Resolution should, as he is, be
    altogether grim and unpleasant.

    ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK.
    FAST. Good hours make music with your mirth, gentlemen, and keep time to
    your humours! — How now, Carlo?

    PUNT. Monsieur Brisk? many a long look have I extended for you, sir.

    FAST. Good faith, I must crave pardon: I was invited this morning, ere I
    was out of my bed, by a bevy of ladies, to a banquet: whence it was almost
    one of Hercules's labours for me to come away,
    but that the respect of my promise did so prevail with me. I know they'll
    take it very ill, especially one, that gave me this bracelet of her hair
    but over night, and this pearl another gave me from her forehead, marry she
    — what! are the writings ready?

    PUNT. I will send my man to know. Sirrah, go you to the notary's, and
    learn if he be ready: leave the dog, sir.
    [EXIT SERVANT.

    FAST. And how does my rare qualified friend, Sogliardo? Oh, signior
    Macilente! by these eyes, I saw you not; I had saluted you sooner else, o'
    my troth. I hope, sir, I may presume upon you, that you will not divulge
    my late check, or disgrace, indeed, sir.

    MACI. You may, sir.

    CAR. He knows some notorious jest by this gull, that he hath him so
    obsequious.

    SOG. Monsieur Fastidious, do you see this fellow there? does he not look
    like a clown? would you think there were any thing in him?

    FAST. Any thing in him! beshrew me, ay; the fellow hath a good ingenious
    face.

    SOG. By this element he is as ingenious a tall man as ever swagger'd about
    London: he, and I, call Countenance and Resolution; but his name is
    cavalier Shift.

    PUNT. Cavalier, you knew signior Clog, that was hang'd for the robbery at
    Harrow on the hill?

    SOG. Knew him, sir! why, 'twas he gave all the directions for the action.

    PUNT. How! was it your project, sir?

    SHIFT. Pardon me, Countenance, you do me some wrong to make occasions
    public, which I imparted to you in private.

    SOG. God's will! here are none but friends, Resolution.

    SHIFT. That's all one; things of consequence must have their respects;
    where, how, and to whom. — Yes, sir, he shewed himself a true Clog in the
    coherence of that affair, sir; for, if he had managed matters as they were
    corroborated to him, it had been better for him by a forty or fifty score
    of pounds, sir; and he himself might have lived, in despight of fates, to
    have fed on woodcocks, with the rest: but it was his heavy fortune to
    sink, poor Clog! and therefore talk no more of him.

    PUNT. Why, had he more aiders then?

    SOG. O lord, sir! ay, there were some present there, that were the Nine
    Worthies to him, i'faith.

    SHIFT. Ay, sir, I can satisfy you at more convenient conference: but, for
    mine own part, I have now reconciled myself to other courses, and profess a
    living out of my other qualities.

    SOG. Nay, he has left all now, I assure you, and is able to live like a
    gentleman, by his qualities. By this dog, he has the most rare gift in
    tobacco that ever you knew.

    CAR. He keeps more ado with this monster, than ever Banks did with his
    horse, or the fellow with the elephant.

    MACI. He will hang out his picture shortly, in a cloth, you shall see.

    SOG. O, he does manage a quarrel the best that ever you saw, for terms and
    circumstances.

    FAST. Good faith, signior, now you speak of a quarrel, I'll acquaint you
    with a difference that happened between a gallant and myself; sir
    Puntarvolo, you know him if I should name him signior Luculento.

    PUNT. Luculento! what inauspicious chance interposed itself to your two
    loves?

    FAST. Faith, sir, the same that sundered Agamemnon and great Thetis' son;
    but let the cause escape, sir: he sent me a challenge, mixt with some few
    braves, which I restored, and in fine we met. Now, indeed, sir, I must
    tell you, he did offer at first very desperately, but without judgment:
    for, look you, sir, I cast myself into this figure; now he comes violently
    on, and withal advancing his rapier to strike, I thought to have took his
    arm, for he had left his whole body to my election, and I was sure he could
    not recover his guard. Sir, I mist my purpose in his arm, rash'd his
    doublet-sleeve, ran him close by the left cheek, and through his hair. He
    again lights me here, — I had on a gold cable hatband, then new come up,
    which I wore about a murey French hat I had, — cuts my hatband, and yet it
    was massy goldsmith's work, cuts my brims, which by good fortune, being
    thick embroidered with gold twist and spangles, disappointed the force of
    the blow: nevertheless, it grazed on my shoulder, takes me away six purls
    of an Italian cut-work band I wore, cost me three pound in the Exchange but
    three days before.

    PUNT. This was a strange encounter.

    FAST. Nay, you shall hear, sir: with this we both fell out, and breath'd.
    Now, upon the second sign of his assault, I betook me to the former manner
    of my defence; he, on the other side, abandon'd his body to the same danger
    as before, and follows me still with blows: but I being loth to take the
    deadly advantage that lay before me of his left side, made a kind of
    stramazoun, ran him up to the hilts through the doublet, through the shirt,
    and yet miss'd the skin. He, making a reverse blow, — falls upon my
    emboss'd girdle, I had thrown off the hangers a little before — strikes
    off a skirt of a thick-laced satin doublet I had, lined with four taffatas,
    cuts off two panes embroidered with pearl, rends through the drawings-out
    of tissue, enters the linings, and skips the flesh.

    CAR. I wonder he speaks not of his wrought shirt.

    FAST. Here, in the opinion of mutual damage, we paused; but, ere I
    proceed, I must tell you, signior, that, in this last encounter, not having
    leisure to put off my silver spurs, one of the rowels catch'd hold of the
    ruffle of my boot, and, being Spanish leather, and subject to tear,
    overthrows me, rends me two pair of silk stockings, that I put on, being
    somewhat a raw morning, a peach colour and another, and strikes me some
    half inch deep into the side of the calf: he, seeing the blood come,
    presently takes horse, and away: I, having bound up my wound with a piece
    of my wrought shirt —

    CAR. O! comes it in there?

    FAST. Rid after him, and, lighting at the court gate both together,
    embraced, and march'dhand in hand up into the presence. Was not this
    business well carried?

    MACI. Well! yes, and by this we can guess what apparel the gentleman wore.

    PUNT. 'Fore valour, it was a designment begun with much resolution,
    maintain'd with as much prowess, and ended with more humanity. —
    RE-ENTER SERVANT.
    How now, what says the notary?

    SERV. He says, he is ready, sir; he stays but your worship's pleasure.

    PUNT. Come, we will go to him, monsieur. Gentlemen, shall we entreat you
    to be witnesses?

    SOG. You shall entreat me, sir. — Come, Resolution.

    SHIFT. I follow you, good Countenance.

    CAR. Come, signior, come, come.
    [EXEUNT ALL BUT MACILENTE.

    MACI. O, that there should be fortune
    To clothe these men, so naked in desert!
    And that the just storm of a wretched life
    Beats them not ragged for their wretched souls,
    And, since as fruitless, even as black, as coals!
    [EXIT.

    MIT. Why, but signior, how comes it that Fungoso appeared not with his
    sister's intelligence to Brisk?

    COR. Marry, long of the evil angels that she gave him, who have indeed
    tempted the good simple youth to follow the tail of the fashion, and
    neglect the imposition of his friends. Behold, here he comes, very
    worshipfully attended, and with good variety.


    SCENE V. — A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE



    ENTER FUNGOSO IN A NEW SUIT, FOLLOWED BY HIS TAILOR, SHOEMAKER, AND
    HABERDASHER.

    FUNG. Gramercy, good shoemaker, I'll put to strings myself..
    [EXIT SHOEMAKER.] — Now, sir, let me see, what must you have for this hat?

    HABE. Here's the bill, sir.

    FUNG. How does it become me, well?

    TAI. Excellent, sir, as ever you had any hat in your life.

    FUNG. Nay, you'll say so all.

    HABE. In faith, sir, the hat's as good as any man in this town can serve
    you, and will maintain fashion as long; never trust me for a groat else.

    FUNG. Does it apply well to my suit?

    TAI. Exceeding well, sir.

    FUNG. How lik'st thou my suit, haberdasher?

    HABE. By my troth, sir, 'tis very rarely well made; I never saw a suit sit
    better, I can tell on.

    TAI. Nay, we have no art to please our friends, we!

    FUNG. Here, haberdasher, tell this same.
    [GIVES HIM MONEY.

    HABE. Good faith, sir, it makes you have an excellent body.

    FUNG. Nay, believe me, I think I have as good a body in clothes as another.

    TAI. You lack points to bring your apparel together, sir.

    FUNG. I'll have points anon. How now! Is't right?

    HABE. Faith, sir, 'tis too little' but upon farther hopes — Good morrow
    to you, sir.
    [EXIT.

    FUNG. Farewell, good haberdasher. Well now, master Snip, let me see your
    bill.

    MIT. Me thinks he discharges his followers too thick.

    COR. O, therein he saucily imitates some great man. I warrant you, though
    he turns off them, he keeps this tailor, in place of a page, to follow him
    still.

    FUNG. This bill is very reasonable, in faith: hark you, master Snip —
    Troth, sir, I am not altogether so well furnished at this present, as I
    could wish I were; but — if you'll do me the favour to take part in hand,
    you shall have all I have, by this hand.

    TAI. Sir —

    FUNG. And but give me credit for the rest, till the beginning of the next
    term.

    TAI. O lord, sir —

    FUNG. 'Fore God, and by this light, I'll pay you to the utmost, and
    acknowledge myself very deeply engaged to you by the courtesy.

    TAI. Why, how much have you there, sir?

    FUNG. Marry, I have here four angels, and fifteen shillings of white
    money: it's all I have, as I hope to be blest

    TAI. You will not fail me at the next term with the rest?

    FUNG. No, an I do, pray heaven I be hang'd. Let me never breathe again
    upon this mortal stage, as the philosopher calls it! By this air, and as I
    am a gentleman, I'll hold.

    COR. He were an iron-hearted fellow, in my judgment, that would not credit
    him upon this volley of oaths.

    TAI. Well, sir, I'll not stick with any gentleman for a trifle: you know
    what 'tis remains?

    FUNG. Ay, sir, and I give you thanks in good faith. O fate, how happy I
    am made in this good fortune! Well, now I'll go seek out monsieur Brisk.
    'Ods so, I have forgot riband for my shoes, and points. 'Slid, what luck's
    this! how shall I do? Master Snip, pray let me reduct some two or three
    shillings for points and ribands: as I am an honest man, I have utterly
    disfurnished myself, in the default of memory; pray let me be beholding to
    you; it shall come home in the bill, believe me.

    TAI. Faith, sir, I can hardly depart with ready money; but I'll take up,
    and send you some by my boy presently. What coloured riband would you have?

    FUNG. What you shall think meet in your judgment, sir, to my suit.

    TAI. Well, I'll send you some presently.

    FUNG. And points too, sir?

    TAI. And points too, sir.

    FUNG. Good lord, how shall I study to deserve this kindness of you sir!
    Pray let your youth make haste, for I should have done a business an hour
    since, that I doubt I shall come too late.
    [EXIT TAILOR.]
    Now, in good faith, I am exceeding proud of my suit.

    COR. Do you observe the plunges that this poor gallant is put to, signior,
    to purchase the fashion?

    MIT. Ay, and to be still a fashion behind with the world, that's the sport.

    COR. Stay: O, here they come from seal'd and deliver'd.


    SCENE VI. — PUNTARVOLO'S LODGINGS.



    ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK IN A NEW SUIT, AND SERVANTS WITH THE DOG.

    PUNT. Well, now my whole venture is forth, I will resolve to depart shortly.

    FAST. Faith, sir Puntarvolo, go to the court, and take leave of the ladies
    first.

    PUNT. I care not, if it be this afternoon's labour. Where is Carlo?

    FAST. Here he comes.

    ENTER CARLO, SOGLIARDO, SHIFT, AND MACILENTE.

    CAR. Faith, gallants, I am persuading this gentleman [POINTS TO SOGLIARDO]
    to turn courtier. He is a man of fair revenue, and his estate will bear
    the charge well. Besides, for his other gifts of the mind, or so, why they
    are as nature lent him them, pure, simple, without any artificial drug or
    mixture of these two threadbare beggarly qualities, learning and knowledge,
    and therefore the more accommodate and genuine. Now, for the life itself —

    FAST. O, the most celestial, and full of wonder and delight, that can be
    imagined, signior, beyond thought and apprehension of pleasure! A man
    lives there in that divine rapture, that he will think himself i' the ninth
    heaven for the time, and lose all sense of mortality whatsoever, when he
    shall behold such glorious, and almost immortal beauties; hear such
    angelical and harmonious voices, discourse with such flowing and ambrosial
    spirits, whose wits are as sudden as lightning, and humorous as nectar; oh,
    it makes a man all quintessence and flame, and lifts him up, in a moment,
    to the very crystal crown of the sky, where, hovering in the strength of
    his imagination, he shall behold all the delights of the Hesperides, the
    Insulae Fortunatae, Adonis' Gardens, Tempe, or what else, confined within
    the amplest verge of poesy, to be mere umbrae, and imperfect figures,
    conferred with the most essential felicity of your court.

    MACI. Well, this ecomium was not extemporal, it came too perfectly off.

    CAR. Besides, sir, you shall never need to go to a hot-house, you shall
    sweat there with courting your mistress, or losing your money at primero,
    as well as in all the stoves in Sweden. Marry, this, sir, you must ever be
    sure to carry a good strong perfume about you, that your mistress's dog may
    smell you out amongst the rest; and, in making love to her, never fear to
    be out; for you may have a pipe of tobacco, or a bass viol shall hang o'
    the wall, of purpose, will put you in presently. The tricks your
    Resolution has taught you in tobacco, the whiffe, and those sleights, will
    stand you in very good ornament there.

    FAST. Ay, to some, perhaps; but, an he should come to my mistress with
    tobacco (this gentleman knows) she'd reply upon him, i'faith. O, by this
    bright sun, she has the most acute, ready, and facetious wit that — tut,
    there's no spirit able to stand her. You can report it, signior, you have
    seen her.

    PUNT. Then can he report no less, out of his judgment, I assure him.

    MACI. Troth, I like her well enough, but she's too self-conceited, methinks.

    FAST. Ay, indeed, she's a little too self-conceited; an 'twere not for
    that humour, she were the most-to-be-admired lady in the world.

    PUNT. Indeed, it is a humour that takes from her other excellences.

    MACI. Why, it may easily be made to forsake her, in my thought.

    FAST. Easily, sir! then are all impossibilities easy.

    MACI. You conclude too quick upon me, signior. What will you say, if I
    make it so perspicuously appear now, that yourself shall confess nothing
    more possible?

    FAST. Marry, I will say, I will both applaud and admire you for it.

    PUNT. And I will second him in the admiration.

    MACI. Why, I'll show you, gentlemen. — Carlo, come hither.
    [MACI., CAR., PUNT., AND FAST. WHISPER TOGETHER.

    SOG. Good faith, I have a great humour to the court. What thinks my
    Resolution? shall I adventure?

    SHIFT. Troth, Countenance, as you please; the place is a place of good
    reputation and capacity.

    SOG. O, my tricks in tobacco, as Carlo says, will show excellent there.

    SHIFT. Why, you may go with these gentlemen now, and see fashions; and
    after, as you shall see correspondence.

    SOG. You say true. You will go with me, Resolution?

    SHIFT. I will meet you, Countenance, about three or four o'clock; but, to
    say to go with you, I cannot; for, as I am Apple-John, I am to go before
    the cockatrice you saw this morning, and therefore pray, present me
    excused, good Countenance.

    SOG. Farewell, good Resolution, but fail not to meet.

    SHIFT. As I live.
    [EXIT.

    PUNT. Admirably excellent!

    MACI. If you can but persuade Sogliardo to court, there's all now.

    CAR. O, let me alone, that's my task.
    [GOES TO SOGLIARDO.

    FAST. Now, by wit, Macilente, it's above measure excellent; 'twill be the
    only court-exploit that ever proved courtier ingenious.

    PUNT. Upon my soul, it puts the lady quite out of her humour, and we shall
    laugh with judgment.

    CAR. Come, the gentleman was of himself resolved to go with you, afore I
    moved it.

    MACI. Why, then, gallants, you two and Carlo go afore to prepare the jest;
    Sogliardo and I will come some while after you.

    CAR. Pardon me, I am not for the court.

    PUNT. That's true; Carlo comes not at court, indeed. Well, you shall
    leave it to the faculty of monsieur Brisk, and myself; upon our lives, we
    will manage it happily. Carlo shall bespeak supper at the Mitre, against
    we come back: where we will meet and dimple our cheeks with laughter at
    the success.

    CAR. Ay, but will you promise to come?

    PUNT. Myself shall undertake for them; he that fails, let his reputation
    lie under the lash of thy tongue.

    CAR. Ods so, look who comes here!

    ENTER FUNGOSO.

    SOG. What, nephew!

    FUNG. Uncle, God save you; did you see a gentleman, one monsieur Brisk, a
    courtier? he goes in such a suit as I do.

    SOG. Here is the gentleman, nephew, but not in such a suit.

    FUNG. Another suit!

    SOG. How now, nephew?

    FAST. Would you speak with me, sir?

    CAR. Ay, when he has recovered himself, poor Poll!

    PUNT. Some rosa-solis.

    MACI. How now, signior?

    FUNG. I am not well, sir.

    MACI. Why, this it is to dog the fashion.

    CAR. Nay, come, gentlemen, remember your affairs; his disease is nothing
    but the flux of apparel.

    PUNT. Sirs, return to the lodging, keep the cat safe; I'll be the dog's
    guardian myself.
    [EXEUNT SERVANTS.

    SOG. Nephew, will you go to court with us? these gentlemen and I are for
    the court; nay, be not so melancholy.

    FUNG. 'Slid, I think no man in Christendom has that rascally fortune that
    I have.

    MACI. Faith, you suit is well enough, signior.

    FUNG. Nay, not for that, I protest; but I had an errand to monsieur
    Fastidious, and I have forgot it.

    MACI. Why, go along to court with us, and remember it; come, gentlemen,
    you three take one boat, and Sogliardo and I will take another; we shall be
    there instantly.

    FAST. Content: good sir, vouchsafe us your pleasance.

    PUNT. Farewell, Carlo: remember.

    CAR. I warrant you: would I had one of Kemp's shoes to throw after you.

    PUNT. Good fortune will close the eyes of our jest, fear not; and we shall
    frolick.
    [EXEUNT.

    MIT. This Macilente, signior, begins to be more sociable on a sudden,
    methinks, than he was before: there's some portent in it, I believe.

    COR. O, he's a fellow of a strange nature. Now does he, in this calm of
    his humour, plot, and store up a world of malicious thoughts in his brain,
    till he is so full with them, that you shall see the very torrent of his
    envy break forth like a land-flood: and, against the course of all their
    affections, oppose itself so violently, that you will almost have wonder to
    think, how 'tis possible the current of their dispositions shall receive so
    quick and strong an alteration.

    MIT. Ay, marry, sir, this is that, on which my expectation has dwelt all
    this while; for I must tell you, signior, though I was loth to interrupt
    the scene, yet I made it a question in mine own private discourse, how he
    should properly call it "Every Man out of his Humour", when I saw all his
    actors so strongly pursue, and continue their humours?

    COR. Why, therein his art appears most full of lustre, and approacheth
    nearest the life; especially when in the flame and height of their humours,
    they are laid flat, it fills the eye better, and with more contentment.
    How tedious a sight were it to behold a proud exalted tree kept and cut
    down by degrees, when it might be fell'd in a moment! and to set the axe
    to it before it came to that pride and fulness, were, as not to have it
    grow.

    MIT. Well, I shall long till I see this fall, you talk of.

    COR. To help your longing, signior, let your imagination be swifter than a
    pair of oars: and by this, suppose Puntarvolo, Brisk, Fungoso, and the
    dog, arrived at the court-gate, and going up to the great chamber.
    Macilente and Sogliardo, we'll leave them on the water, till possibility
    and natural means may land them. Here come the gallants, now prepare your
    expectations.





    ACT V



    SCENE I. — THE PALACE STAIRS.



    ENTER PUNTARVOLO, WITH HIS DOG, FOLLOWED BY FASTIDIOUS
    BRISK AND FUNGOSO.

    PUNT. Come, gentles, Signior, you are sufficiently instructed.

    FAST. Who, I, sir?

    PUNT. No, this gentleman. But stay, I take thought how to bestow my dog;
    he is no competent attendant for the presence.

    FAST. Mass, that's true, indeed, knight; you must not carry him into the
    presence.

    PUNT. I know it, and I, like a dull beast, forgot to bring one of my
    cormorants to attend me.

    FAST. Why, you were best leave him at the porter's lodge.

    PUNT. Not so; his worth is too well known amongst them, to be forth-coming.

    FAST. 'Slight, how will you do then?

    PUNT. I must leave him with one that is ignorant of his quality, if I will
    have him to be safe. And see! here comes one that will carry coals, ergo,
    will hold my dog.
    ENTER A GROOM, WITH A BASKET.
    My honest friend, may I commit the tuition of this dog to thy prudent care?

    GROOM. You may, if you please, sir.

    PUNT. Pray thee let me find thee here at my return; it shall not be long,
    till I will ease thee of thy employment, and please thee. Forth, gentles.

    FAST. Why, but will you leave him with so slight command, and infuse no
    more charge upon the fellow?

    PUNT. Charge! no; there were no policy in that; that were to let him know
    the value of the gem he holds, and so to tempt frail nature against her
    disposition. No, pray thee let thy honesty be sweet, as it shall be short.

    GROOM. Yes, sir.

    PUNT. But hark you, gallants, and chiefly monsieur Brisk: when we come in
    eye-shot, or presence of this lady, let not other matters carry us from our
    project; but, if we can, single her forth to some place —

    FAST. I warrant you.

    PUNT. And be not too sudden, but let the device induce itself with good
    circumstance. On.

    FUNG. Is this the way? good truth, here be fine hangings.
    [EXEUNT PUNT., FAST., AND FUNGOSO.

    GROOM. Honesty! sweet, and short! Marry, it shall, sir, doubt you not;
    for even at this instant if one would give me twenty pounds, I would not
    deliver him; there's for the sweet: but now, if any man come offer me but
    two-pence, he shall have him; there's for the short now. 'Slid, what a mad
    humorous gentleman is this to leave his dog with me! I could run away with
    him now, an he were worth any thing.

    ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO.
    MACI. Come on, signior, now prepare to court this all-witted lady, most
    naturally, and like yourself.

    SOG. Faith, an you say the word, I'll begin to her in tobacco.

    MACI. O, fie on't! no; you shall begin with, "How does my sweet lady",
    or, "Why are you so melancholy, madam?" though she be very merry, it's all
    one. Be sure to kiss your hand often enough; pray for her health, and tell
    her, how "More than most fair she is". Screw your face at one side thus,
    and protest: let her fleer, and look askance, and hide her teeth with her
    fan, when she laughs a fit, to bring her into more matter, that's nothing:
    you must talk forward, (though it be without sense, so it be without
    blushing,) 'tis most court-like and well.

    SOG. But shall I not use tobacco at all?

    MACI. O, by no means; 'twill but make your breath suspected, and that you
    use it only to confound the rankness of that.

    SOG. Nay, I'll be advised, sir, by my friends.

    MACI. Od's my life, see where sir Puntarvolo's dog is.

    GROOM. I would the gentleman would return for his follower here, I'll
    leave him to his fortunes else.

    MACI. 'Twere the only true jest in the world to poison him now; ha! by
    this hand I'll do it, if I could but get him of the fellow. [ASIDE.]
    Signior Sogliardo, walk aside, and think upon some device to entertain the
    lady with.

    SOG. So I do, sir.
    [WALKS OFF IN A MEDITATING POSTURE.

    MACI. How now, mine honest friend! whose dog-keeper art thou?

    GROOM. Dog-keeper, sir! I hope I scorn that, i'faith.

    MACI. Why, dost thou not keep a dog?

    GROOM. Sir, now I do, and now I do not: [THROWS OFF THE DOG.] I think
    this be sweet and short. Make me his dog-keeper!
    [EXIT.

    MACI. This is excellent, above expectation! nay, stay, sir; [SEIZING THE
    DOG.] you'd be travelling; but I'll give you a dram shall shorten your
    voyage, here. [GIVES HIM POISON.] So, sir, I'll be bold to take my leave
    of you. Now to the Turk's court in the devil's name, for you shall never
    go o' God's name. [KICKS HIM OUT.] — Sogliardo, come.

    SOG. I have it i'faith now, will sting it.

    MACI. Take heed you leese it not signior, ere you come there; preserve it.
    [EXEUNT.

    COR. How like you this first exploit of his?

    MIT. O, a piece of true envy; but I expect the issue of the other device.

    COR. Here they come will make it appear.


    SCENE II. — AN APARTMENT IN THE PALACE.



    ENTER SAVIOLINA, PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK, AND FUNGOSO.

    SAV. Why, I thought, sir Puntarvolo, you had been gone your voyage?

    PUNT. Dear and most amiable lady, your divine beauties do bind me to those
    offices, that I cannot depart when I would.

    SAV. 'Tis most court-like spoken, sir; but how might we do to have a sight
    of your dog and cat?

    FAST. His dog is in the court, lady.

    SAV. And not your cat? how dare you trust her behind you, sir.

    PUNT. Troth, madam, she hath sore eyes, and she doth keep her chamber;
    marry, I have left her under sufficient guard there are two of my followers
    to attend her.

    SAV. I'll give you some water for her eyes. When do you go, sir?

    PUNT. Certes, sweet lady, I know not.

    FAST. He doth stay the rather, madam, to present your acute judgment with
    so courtly and well parted a gentleman as yet your ladyship hath never seen.

    SAV. What is he, gentle monsieur Brisk? not that gentleman?
    [POINTS TO FUNGOSO.

    FAST. No, lady, this is a kinsman to justice Silence.

    PUNT. Pray, sir, give me leave to report him. He's a gentleman, lady, of
    that rare and admirable faculty, as, I protest, I know not his like in
    Europe; he is exceedingly valiant, an excellent scholar, and so exactly
    travelled, that he is able, in discourse, to deliver you a model of any
    prince's court in the world; speaks the languages with that purity of
    phrase, and facility of accent, that it breeds astonishment; his wit, the
    most exuberant, and, above wonder, pleasant, of all that ever entered the
    concave of this ear.

    FAST. 'Tis most true, lady; marry, he is no such excellent proper man.

    PUNT. His travels have changed his complexion, madam.

    SAV. O, sir Puntarvolo, you must think every man was not born to have my
    servant Brisk's feature.

    PUNT. But that which transcends all, lady; he doth so peerlessly imitate
    any manner of person for gesture, action, passion, or whatever —

    FAST. Ay, especially a rustic or a clown, madam, that it is not possible
    for the sharpest-sighted wit in the world to discern any sparks of the
    gentleman in him, when he does it.

    SAV. O, monsieur Brisk, be not so tyrannous to confine all wits within the
    compass of your own; not find the sparks of a gentleman in him, if he be a
    gentleman!

    FUNG. No, in truth, sweet lady, I believe you cannot.

    SAV. Do you believe so? why, I can find sparks of a gentleman in you, sir.

    PUNT. Ay, he is a gentleman, madam, and a reveller.

    FUNG. Indeed, I think I have seen your ladyship at our revels.

    SAV. Like enough, sir; but would I might see this wonder you talk of; may
    one have a sight of him for any reasonable sum?

    PUNT. Yes, madam, he will arrive presently.

    SAV. What, and shall we see him clown it?

    FAST. I'faith, sweet lady, that you shall; see, here he comes.

    ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO.
    PUNT. This is he! pray observe him, lady.

    SAV. Beshrew me, he clowns it properly indeed.

    PUNT. Nay, mark his courtship.

    SOG. How does my sweet lady? hot and moist? beautiful and lusty? ha!

    SAV. Beautiful, an it please you, sir, but not lusty.

    SOG. O ho, lady, it pleases you to say so, in truth: And how does my
    sweet lady? in health? 'Bonaroba, quaeso, que novelles? que novelles?'
    sweet creature!

    SAV. O excellent! why, gallants, is this he that cannot be deciphered?
    they were very blear-witted, i'faith, that could not discern the gentleman
    in him.

    PUNT. But you do, in earnest, lady?

    SAV. Do I sir! why, if you had any true court-judgment in the carriage of
    his eye, and that inward power that forms his countenance, you might
    perceive his counterfeiting as clear as the noon-day; alas — nay, if you
    would have tried my wit, indeed, you should never have told me he was a
    gentleman, but presented him for a true clown indeed; and then have seen if
    I could have deciphered him.

    FAST. 'Fore God, her ladyship says true, knight: but does he not affect
    the clown most naturally, mistress?

    PUNT. O, she cannot but affirm that, out of the bounty of her judgment.

    SAV. Nay, out of doubt he does well, for a gentleman to imitate: but I
    warrant you, he becomes his natural carriage of the gentleman, much better
    than his clownery.

    FAST. 'Tis strange, in truth, her ladyship should see so far into him!

    PUNT. Ay, is it not?

    SAV. Faith, as easily as may be; not decipher him, quoth you!

    FUNG. Good sadness, I wonder at it

    MACI. Why, has she deciphered him, gentlemen?

    PUNT. O, most miraculously, and beyond admiration.

    MACI. Is it possible?

    FAST. She hath gather'd most infallible signs of the gentleman in him,
    that's certain.

    SAV. Why, gallants, let me laugh at you a little: was this your device,
    to try my judgment in a gentleman?

    MACI. Nay, lady, do not scorn us, though you have this gift of perspicacy
    above others. What if he should be no gentleman now, but a clown indeed,
    lady?

    PUNT. How think you of that? would not your ladyship be Out of your Humour?

    FAST. O, but she knows it is not so.

    SAV. What if he were not a man, ye may as well say? Nay, if your worships
    could gull me so, indeed, you were wiser than you are taken for.

    MACI. In good faith, lady, he is a very perfect clown, both by father and
    mother; that I'll assure you.

    SAV. O, sir, you are very pleasurable.

    MACI. Nay, do but look on his hand, and that shall resolve you; look you,
    lady, what a palm here is.

    SOG. Tut, that was with holding the plough.

    MACI. The plough! did you discern any such thing in him, madam?

    FAST. Faith no, she saw the gentleman as bright as noon-day, she; she
    deciphered him at first.

    MACI. Troth, I am sorry your ladyship's sight should be so suddenly struck.

    SAV. O, you are goodly beagles!

    FAST. What, is she gone?

    SOG. Nay, stay, sweet lady: 'que novelles? que novelles?'

    SAV. Out, you fool, you!
    [EXIT IN ANGER.

    FUNG. She's Out of her Humour, i'faith.

    FAST. Nay, let's follow it while 'tis hot, gentlemen.

    PUNT. Come, on mine honour we shall make her blush in the presence; my
    spleen is great with laughter.

    MACI. Your laughter will be a child of a feeble life, I believe, sir.
    [ASIDE.] — Come, signior, your looks are too dejected, methinks; why mix
    you not mirth with the rest?

    FUNG. Od's will, this suit frets me at the soul. I'll have it alter'd
    to-morrow, sure.


    SCENE III. — THE PALACE STAIRS.



    ENTER SHIFT.

    SHIFT. I am come to the court, to meet with my Countenance, Sogliardo;
    poor men must be glad of such countenance, when they can get no better.
    Well, need may insult upon a man, but it shall never make him despair of
    consequence. The world will say, 'tis base: tush, base! 'tis base to
    live under the earth, not base to live above it by any means.

    ENTER FASTIDIOUS, PUNTARVOLO, SOGLIARDO, FUNGOSO, AND MACILENTE.
    FAST. The poor lady is most miserably out of her humour, i'faith.

    PUNT. There was never so witty a jest broken, at the tilt of all the court
    wits christen'd.

    MACI. O, this applause taints it foully.

    SOG. I think I did my part in courting. — O, Resolution!

    PUNT. Ay me, my dog!

    MACI. Where is he?

    FAST. 'Sprecious, go seek for the fellow, good signior
    [EXIT FUNGOSO.

    PUNT. Here, here I left him.

    MACI. Why, none was here when we came in now, but cavalier Shirt; enquire
    of him.

    FAST. Did you see sir Puntarvolo's dog here, cavalier, since you came?

    SHIFT. His dog, sir! he may look his dog, sir; I saw none of his dog, sir.

    MACI. Upon my life, he has stolen your dog, sir, and been hired to it by
    some that have ventured with you; you may guess by his peremptory answers.

    PUNT. Not unlike; for he hath been a notorious thief by his own
    confession. Sirrah, where is my dog?

    SHIFT. Charge me with your dog, sir! I have none of your dog, sir.

    PUNT. Villain, thou liest.

    SHIFT. Lie, sir! s'blood, — you are but a man, sir.

    PUNT. Rogue and thief, restore him.

    SOG. Take heed, sir Puntarvolo, what you do; he'll bear no coals, I can
    tell you, o' my word.

    MACI. This is rare.

    SOG. It's marle he stabs you not: By this light, he hath stabbed forty,
    for forty times less matter, I can tell you of my knowledge.

    PUNT. I will make thee stoop, thou abject.

    SOG. Make him stoop, sir! Gentlemen, pacify him, or he'll be kill'd.

    MACI. Is he so tall a man?

    SOG. Tall a man! if you love his life, stand betwixt them. Make him stoop!

    PUNT. My dog, villain, or I will hang thee; thou hast confest robberies,
    and other felonious acts, to this gentleman, thy Countenance —

    SOG. I'll bear no witness.

    PUNT. And without my dog, I will hang thee, for them.
    [SHIFT KNEELS.

    SOG. What! kneel to thine enemies!

    SHIFT. Pardon me, good sir; God is my witness, I never did robbery in all
    my life.

    RE-ENTER FUNGOSO.
    FUNG. O, sir Puntarvolo, your dog lies giving up the ghost in the wood-yard.

    MACI. Heart, is he not dead yet!
    [ASIDE.

    PUNT. O, my dog, born to disastrous fortune! pray you conduct me, sir.
    [EXIT WITH FUNGOSO.

    SOG. How! did you never do any robbery in your life?

    MACI. O, this is good! so he swore, sir.

    SOG. Ay, I heard him: and did you swear true, sir?

    SHIFT. Ay, as I hope to be forgiven, sir, I never robbed any man; I never
    stood by the highwayside, sir, but only said so, because I would get myself
    a name, and be counted a tall man.

    SOG. Now out, base viliaco! thou my Resolution! I thy Countenance! By
    this light, gentlemen, he hath confest to me the most inexorable company of
    robberies, and damn'd himself that he did 'em: you never heard the like.
    Out, scoundrel, out! follow me no more, I command thee; out of my sight,
    go, hence, speak not; I will not hear thee: away, camouccio!
    [EXIT SHIFT.

    MACI. O, how I do feed upon this now, and fat myself! here were a couple
    unexpectedly dishumour'd. Well, by this time, I hope, sir Puntarvolo and
    his dog are both out of humour to travel. [ASIDE.] — Nay, gentlemen, why
    do you not seek out the knight, and comfort him? our supper at the Mitre
    must of necessity hold to-night, if you love your reputations.

    FAST. 'Fore God, I am so melancholy for his dog's disaster — but I'll go.

    SOG. Faith, and I may go too, but I know I shall be so melancholy.

    MACI. Tush, melancholy! you must forget that now, and remember you lie at
    the mercy of a fury: Carlo will rack your sinews asunder, and rail you to
    dust, if you come not.
    [EXEUNT.

    MIT. O, then their fear of Carlo, belike, makes them hold their meeting.

    COR. Ay, here he comes; conceive him but to be enter'd the Mitre, and 'tis
    enough.


    SCENE IV. — A ROOM AT THE MITRE.



    ENTER CARLO.
    CAR. Holla! where be these shot-sharks?

    ENTER DRAWER.

    DRAW. By and by; you are welcome, good master Buffone.

    CAR. Where's George? call me George hither, quickly.

    DRAW. What wine please you have, sir? I'll draw you that's neat, master
    Buffone.

    CAR. Away, neophite, do as I bid thee, bring my dear George to me: —
    ENTER GEORGE.
    Mass, here he comes.

    GEORGE. Welcome, master Carlo.

    CAR. What, is supper ready, George?

    GEORGE. Ay, sir, almost: Will you have the cloth laid, master Carlo?

    CAR. O, what else? Are none of the gallants come yet?

    GEORGE. None yet, sir.

    CAR. Stay, take me with you, George; let me have a good fat loin of pork
    laid to the fire, presently.

    GEORGE. It shall, sir.

    CAR. And withal, hear you, draw me the biggest shaft you have out of the
    butt you wot of; away, you know my meaning, George; quick!

    GEORGE. Done, sir.
    [EXIT.

    CAR. I never hungered so much for anything in my life, as I do to know our
    gallants' success at court; now is that lean, bald-rib Macilente, that salt
    villain, plotting some mischievous device, and lies a soaking in their
    frothy humours like a dry crust, till he has drunk 'em all up: Could the
    pummice but hold up his eyes at other men's happiness, in any reasonable
    proportion, 'slid, the slave were to be loved next heaven, above honour,
    wealth, rich fare, apparel, wenches, all the delights of the belly and the
    groin, whatever.

    RE-ENTER GEORGE WITH TWO JUGS OF WINE.
    GEORGE. Here, master Carlo.

    CAR. Is it right, boy?

    GEORGE. Ay, sir, I assure you 'tis right.

    CAR. Well said, my dear George, depart: [EXIT GEORGE.] — Come, my small
    gimblet, you in the false scabbard, away, so! [PUTS FORTH THE DRAWER, AND
    SHUTS THE DOOR.] Now to you, sir Burgomaster, let's taste of your bounty.

    MIT. What, will he deal upon such quantities of wine, alone?

    COR. You will perceive that, sir.

    CAR. [DRINKS.] Ay, marry, sir, here's purity; O, George — I could bite
    off his nose for this now, sweet rogue, he has drawn nectar, the very soul
    of the grape! I'll wash my temples with some on't presently, and drink
    some half a score draughts; 'twill heat the brain, kindle my imagination, I
    shall talk nothing but crackers and fire-works to-night. So, sir! please
    you to be here, sir, and I here: so.
    [SETS THE TWO CUPS ASUNDER, DRINKS WITH THE ONE, AND PLEDGES WITH THE
    OTHER, SPEAKING FOR EACH OF THE CUPS, AND DRINKING ALTERNATELY.

    COR. This is worth the observation, signior.

    CAR. 1 CUP. Now, sir, here's to you; and I present you with so much of my
    love.

    2 CUP. I take it kindly from you, sir. [DRINKS], and will return you the
    like proportion; but withal, sir, remembering the merry night we had at the
    countess's, you know where, sir.

    1 CUP. By heaven, you put me in mind now of a very necessary office, which
    I will propose in your pledge, sir; the health of that honourable countess,
    and the sweet lady that sat by her, sir.

    2 CUP. I do vail to it with reverence [DRINKS]. And now, signior, with
    these ladies, I'll be bold to mix the health of your divine mistress.

    1 CUP. Do you know her, sir?

    2 CUP. O lord, sir, ay; and in the respectful memory and mention of her, I
    could wish this wine were the most precious drug in the world.

    1 CUP. Good faith, sir, you do honour me in't exceedingly. [DRINKS.]

    MIT. Whom should he personate in this, signior?

    COR. Faith, I know not, sir; observe, observe him.

    2 CUP. If it were the basest filth, or mud that runs in the channel, I am
    bound to pledge it respectively, sir. [DRINKS.] And now, sir, here is a
    replenish'd bowl, which I will reciprocally turn upon you, to the health of
    the count Frugale.

    1 CUP. The count Frugale's health, sir? I'll pledge it on my knees, by
    this light.
    [KNEELS.

    2 CUP. Nay, do me right, sir.

    1 CUP. So I do, in faith.

    2 CUP. Good faith you do not; mine was fuller.

    1 CUP. Why, believe me, it was not.

    2 CUP. Believe me it was; and you do lie.

    1 CUP. Lie, sir!

    2 CUP. Ay, sir.

    1 CUP. 'Swounds! you rascal!

    2 CUP. O, come, stab if you have a mind to it.

    1 CUP. Stab! dost thou think I dare not?

    CAR. [SPEAKS IN HIS OWN PERSON.] Nay, I beseech you, gentlemen, what
    means this? nay, look, for shame respect your reputations.
    [OVERTURNS WINE, POT, CUPS, AND ALL.

    ENTER MACILENTE.
    MACI. Why, how now, Carlo! what humour's this?

    CAR. O, my good mischief! art thou come? where are the rest, where are
    the rest?

    MACI. Faith, three of our ordnance are burst.

    CAR. Burst! how comes that?

    MACI. Faith, overcharged, overcharged.

    CAR. But did not the train hold?

    MACI. O, yes, and the poor lady is irrecoverably blown up.

    CAR. Why, but which of the munition is miscarried, ha?

    MACI. Imprimis, sir Puntarvolo; next, the Countenance and Resolution.

    CAR. How, how, for the love of wit?

    MACI. Troth, the Resolution is proved recreant; the Countenance hath
    changed his copy; and the passionate knight is shedding funeral tears over
    his departed dog.

    CAR. What! is his dog dead?

    MACI. Poison'd, 'tis thought; marry, how, or by whom, that's left for some
    cunning woman here o' the Bank-side to resolve. For my part, I know
    nothing more than that we are like to have an exceeding melancholy supper
    of it.

    CAR. 'Slife, and I had purposed to be extraordinarily merry, I had drunk
    off a good preparative of old sack here; but will they come, will they come?

    MACI. They will assuredly come; marry, Carlo, as thou lov'st me, run over
    'em all freely to-night, and especially the knight; spare no sulphurous
    jest that may come out of that sweaty forge of thine; but ply them with all
    manner of shot, minion, saker, culverin, or anything, what thou wilt.

    CAR. I warrant thee, my dear case of petrionels; so I stand not in dread
    of thee, but that thou'lt second me.

    MACI. Why, my good German tapster, I will.

    CAR. What George! Lomtero, Lomtero, etc.
    [SINGS AND DANCES.

    RE-ENTER GEORGE.
    GEORGE. Did you call, master Carlo?

    CAR. More nectar, George: Lomtero, etc.

    GEORGE. Your meat's ready, sir, an your company were come.

    CAR. Is the loin pork enough?

    GEORGE. Ay, sir, it is enough.
    [EXIT.

    MACI. Pork! heart, what dost thou with such a greasy dish? I think thou
    dost varnish thy face with the fat on't, it looks so like a glue-pot.

    CAR. True, my raw-boned rogue, and if thou wouldst farce thy lean ribs
    with it too, they would not, like ragged laths, rub out so many doublets as
    they do; but thou know'st not a good dish, thou. O, it's the only
    nourishing meat in the world. No marvel though that saucy, stubborn
    generation, the Jews, were forbidden it; for what would they have done,
    well pamper'd with fat pork, that durst murmur at their Maker out of
    garlick and onions? 'Slight! fed with it, the whoreson strummel-patch'd,
    goggle-eyed grumble-dories, would have gigantomachised —
    RE-ENTER GEORGE WITH WINE.
    Well said, my sweet George, fill, fill.

    MIT. This savours too much of profanation.

    COR. O — — Servetur ad imum,
    Qualis ab incoepto processerit, et sibi constet.
    "The necessity of his vein compels a toleration, for; bar this, and dash
    him out of humour before his time."

    CAR. "'Tis an axiom in natural philosophy, what comes nearest the nature
    of that it feeds, converts quicker to nourishment, and doth sooner
    essentiate." Now nothing in flesh and entrails assimilates or resembles
    man more than a hog or swine.
    [DRINKS.

    MACI. True; and he, to requite their courtesy, oftentimes doffeth his own
    nature, and puts on theirs; as when he becomes as churlish as a hog, or as
    drunk as a sow; but to your conclusion.
    [DRINKS.

    CAR. Marry, I say, nothing resembling man more than a swine, it follows,
    nothing can be more nourishing; for indeed (but that it abhors from our
    nice nature) if we fed upon one another, we should shoot up a great deal
    faster, and thrive much better; I refer me to your usurous cannibals, or
    such like; but since it is so contrary, pork, pork, is your only feed.

    MACI. I take it, your devil be of the same diet; he would never have
    desired to have been incorporated into swine else. — O, here comes the
    melancholy mess; upon 'em, Carlo, charge, charge!

    ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK, SOGLIARDO, AND FUNGOSO.
    CAR. 'Fore God, sir Puntarvolo, I am sorry for your heaviness: body o'
    me, a shrew'd mischance! why, had you no unicorn's horn, nor bezoar's
    stone about you, ha?

    PUNT. Sir, I would request you be silent.

    MACI. Nay, to him again.

    CAR. Take comfort, good knight, if your cat have recovered her catarrh,
    fear nothing; your dog's mischance may be holpen.

    FAST. Say how, sweet Carlo; for, so God mend me, the poor knight's moans
    draw me into fellowship of his misfortunes. But be not discouraged, good
    sir Puntarvolo, I am content your adventure shall be performed upon your
    cat.

    MACI. I believe you, musk-cod, I believe you; for rather than thou
    would'st make present repayment, thou would'st take it upon his own bare
    return from Calais
    [ASIDE.

    CAR. Nay, 'slife, he'd be content, so he were well rid out of his company,
    to pay him five for one, at his next meeting him in Paul's. [ASIDE TO
    MACILENTE.] — But for your dog, sir Puntarvolo, if he be not out-right
    dead, there is a friend of mine, a quack-salver, shall put life in him
    again, that's certain.

    FUNG. O, no, that comes too late.

    MACI. 'Sprecious! knight, will you suffer this?

    PUNT. Drawer, get me a candle and hard wax presently.
    [EXIT GEORGE.

    SOG. Ay, and bring up supper; for I am so melancholy.

    CAR. O, signior, where's your Resolution?

    SOG. Resolution! hang him, rascal: O, Carlo, if you love me, do not
    mention him.

    CAR. Why, how so?

    SOG. O, the arrantest crocodile that ever Christian was acquainted with.
    By my gentry, I shall think the worse of tobacco while I live, for his
    sake: I did think him to be as tall a man —

    MACI. Nay, Buffone, the knight, the knight
    [ASIDE TO CARLO.

    CAR. 'Slud, he looks like an image carved out of box, full of knots; his
    face is, for all the world, like a Dutch purse, with the mouth downward,
    his beard the tassels; and he walks — let me see — as melancholy as one
    o' the master's side in the Counter. — Do you hear, sir Puntarvolo?

    PUNT. Sir, I do entreat you, no more, but enjoin you to silence, as you
    affect your peace.

    CAR. Nay, but dear knight, understand here are none but friends, and such
    as wish you well, I would have you do this now; flay me your dog presently
    (but in any case keep the head) and stuff his skin well with straw, as you
    see these dead monsters at Bartholomew fair.

    PUNT. I shall be sudden, I tell you.

    CAR. O, if you like not that, sir, get me somewhat a less dog, and clap
    into the skin; here's a slave about the town here, a Jew, one Yohan: or a
    fellow that makes perukes will glue it on artificially, it shall never be
    discern'd; besides, 'twill be so much the warmer for the hound to travel
    in, you know.

    MACI. Sir Puntarvolo, death, can you be so patient!

    CAR. Or thus, sir; you may have, as you come through Germany, a familiar
    for little or nothing, shall turn itself into the shape of your dog, or any
    thing, what you will, for certain hours — [PUNTARVOLO STRIKES HIM] — Ods
    my life, knight, what do you mean? you'll offer no violence, will you?
    hold, hold!

    RE-ENTER GEORGE, WITH WAX, AND A LIGHTED CANDLE.
    PUNT. 'Sdeath, you slave, you ban-dog, you!

    CAR. As you love wit, stay the enraged knight, gentlemen.

    PUNT. By my knighthood, he that stirs in his rescue, dies. — Drawer, begone!
    [EXIT GEORGE.

    CAR. Murder, murder, murder!

    PUNT. Ay, are you howling, you wolf? — Gentlemen, as you tender your
    lives, suffer no man to enter till my revenge be perfect. Sirrah, Buffone,
    lie down; make no exclamations, but down; down, you cur, or I will make thy
    blood flow on my rapier hilts.

    CAR. Sweet knight, hold in thy fury, and 'fore heaven I'll honour thee
    more than the Turk does Mahomet.

    PUNT. Down, I say! [CARLO LIES DOWN.] — Who's there?
    [KNOCKING WITHIN.

    CONS. [WITHIN.] Here's the constable, open the doors.

    CAR. Good Macilente —

    PUNT. Open no door; if the Adalantado of Spain were here he should not
    enter: one help me with the light, gentlemen; you knock in vain, sir
    officer.

    CAR. 'Et tu, Brute!'

    PUNT. Sirrah, close your lips, or I will drop it in thine eyes, by heaven.

    CAR. O! O!

    CONS. [WITHIN] Open the door, or I will break it open.

    MACI. Nay, good constable, have patience a little; you shall come in
    presently; we have almost done.
    [PUNTARVOLO SEALS UP CARLO'S LIPS.

    PUNT. So, now, are you Out of your Humour, sir? Shift, gentlemen
    [THEY ALL DRAW, AND RUN OUT, EXCEPT FUNGOSO, WHO CONCEALS HIMSELF BENEATH
    THE TABLE.

    ENTER CONSTABLE AND OFFICERS, AND SEIZE FASTIDIOUS AS HE IS RUSHING BY.
    CONS. Lay hold upon this gallant, and pursue the rest.

    FAST. Lay hold on me, sir, for what?

    CONS. Marry, for your riot here, sir, with the rest of your companions.

    FAST. My riot! master constable, take heed what you do. Carlo, did I
    offer any violence?

    CONS. O, sir, you see he is not in case to answer you, and that makes you
    so peremptory.

    RE-ENTER GEORGE AND DRAWER.
    FAST. Peremptory! 'Slife, I appeal to the drawers, if I did him any hard
    measure.

    GEORGE. They are all gone, there's none of them will be laid any hold on.

    CONS. Well, sir, you are like to answer till the rest can be found out.

    FAST. 'Slid, I appeal to George here.

    CONS. Tut, George was not here: away with him to the Counter, sirs. —
    Come, sir, you were best get yourself drest somewhere.
    [EXEUNT CONST. AND OFFICERS, WITH FAST. AND CAR.

    GEORGE. Good lord, that master Carlo could not take heed, and knowing what
    a gentleman the knight is, if he be angry.

    DRAWER. A pox on 'em, they have left all the meat on our hands; would they
    were choaked with it for me!

    RE-ENTER MACILENTE.
    MACI. What, are they gone, sirs?

    GEORGE. O, here's master Macilente.

    MACI. [POINTING TO FUNGOSO.] Sirrah, George, do you see that concealment
    there, that napkin under the table?

    GEORGE. 'Ods so, signior Fungoso!

    MACI. He's good pawn for the reckoning; be sure you keep him here, and let
    him not go away till I come again, though he offer to discharge all; I'll
    return presently.

    GEORGE. Sirrah, we have a pawn for the reckoning.

    DRAW. What, of Macilente?

    GEORGE. No; look under the table.

    FUNG. [CREEPING OUT.] I hope all be quiet now; if I can get but forth of
    this street, I care not: masters, I pray you tell me, is the constable
    gone?

    GEORGE. What, master Fungoso!

    FUNG. Was't not a good device this same of me, sirs?

    GEORGE. Yes, faith; have you been here all this while?

    FUNG. O lord, ay; good sir, look an the coast be clear, I'd fain be going.

    GEORGE. All's clear, sir, but the reckoning; and that you must clear and
    pay before you go, I assure you.

    FUNG. I pay! 'Slight, I eat not a bit since I came into the house, yet.

    DRAW. Why, you may when you please, 'tis all ready below that was bespoken.

    FUNG. Bespoken! not by me, I hope?

    GEORGE. By you, sir! I know not that; but 'twas for you and your company,
    I am sure.

    FUNG. My company! 'Slid, I was an invited guest, so I was.

    DRAW. Faith we have nothing to do with that, sir: they are all gone but
    you, and we must be answered; that's the short and the long on't.

    FUNG. Nay, if you will grow to extremities, my masters, then would this
    pot, cup, and all were in my belly, if I have a cross about me.

    GEORGE. What, and have such apparel! do not say so, signior; that
    mightily discredits your clothes.

    FUNG. As I am an honest man, my tailor had all my money this morning, and
    yet I must be fain to alter my suit too. Good sirs, let me go, 'tis Friday
    night, and in good truth I have no stomach in the world to eat any thing.

    DRAW. That's no matter, so you pay, sir.

    FUNG. 'Slight, with what conscience can you ask me to pay that I never
    drank for?

    GEORGE. Yes, sir, I did see you drink once.

    FUNG. By this cup, which is silver, but you did not; you do me infinite
    wrong: I looked in the pot once, indeed, but I did not drink.

    DRAW. Well, sir, if you can satisfy our master, it shall be all one to us.

    WITHIN. George!

    GEORGE. By and by.
    [EXEUNT.

    COR. Lose not yourself now, signior


    SCENE V. — A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE.



    ENTER MACILENTE AND DELIRO.

    MACI. Tut, sir, you did bear too hard a conceit of me in that; but I will
    not make my love to you most transparent, in spite of any dust of suspicion
    that may be raised to cloud it; and henceforth, since I see it is so
    against your humour, I will never labour to persuade you.

    DELI. Why, I thank you, signior; but what is that you tell me may concern
    my peace so much?

    MACI. Faith, sir, 'tist hus. Your wife's brother, signior Fungoso, being
    at supper to-night at a tavern, with a sort of gallants, there happened
    some division amongst them, and he is left in pawn for the reckoning. Now,
    if ever you look that time shall present you with an happy occasion to do
    your wife some gracious and acceptable service, take hold of this
    opportunity, and presently go and redeem him; for, being her brother, and
    his credit so amply engaged as now it is, when she shall hear, (as he cannot himself, but he must out of extremity report it,) that you came, and offered y
    ourself so kindly, and with that respect of his reputation; why, the
    benefit cannot but make her dote, and grow mad of your affections.

    DELI. Now, by heaven, Macilente, I acknowledge myself exceedingly indebted
    to you, by this kind tender of your love; and I am sorry to remember that I
    was ever so rude, to neglect a friend of your importance. — Bring me shoes
    and a cloak here. — I was going to bed, if you had not come. What tavern
    is it?

    MACI. The Mitre, sir.

    DELI. O! Why, Fido! my shoes. — Good faith, it cannot but please her
    exceedingly.

    ENTER FALLACE.
    FAL. Come, I marle what piece of night-work you have in hand now, that you
    call for a cloak, and your shoes: What, is this your pander?

    DELI. O, sweet wife, speak lower, I would not he should hear thee for a
    world —

    FAL. Hang him, rascal, I cannot abide him for his treachery, with his wild
    quick-set beard there. Whither go you now with him?

    DELI. No, whither with him, dear wife; I go alone to a place, from whence
    I will return instantly. — Good Macilente, acquaint not her with it by any
    means, it may come so much the more accepted; frame some other answer. —
    I'll come back immediately.
    [EXIT.

    FAL. Nay, an I be not worthy to know whither you go, stay till I take
    knowledge of your coming back.

    MACI. Hear you, mistress Deliro.

    FAL. So, sir, and what say you?

    MACI. Faith, lady, my intents will not deserve this slight respect, when
    you shall know them.

    FAL. Your intents! why, what may your intents be, for God's sake?

    MACI. Troth, the time allows no circumstance, lady, therefore know this
    was but a device to remove your husband hence, and bestow him securely,
    whilst, with more conveniency, I might report to you a misfortune that hath
    happened to monsieur Brisk — Nay, comfort, sweet lady. This night, being
    at supper, a sort of young gallants committed a riot, for the which he only
    is apprehended and carried to the Counter, where, if your husband, and
    other creditors, should but have knowledge of him, the poor gentleman were
    undone for ever.

    FAL. Ah me! that he were.

    MACI. Now, therefore, if you can think upon any present means for his
    delivery, do not foreslow it. A bribe to the officer that committed him
    will do it.

    FAL. O lord, sir! he shall not want for a bribe; pray you, will you
    commend me to him, and say I'll visit him presently.

    MACI. No, lady, I shall do you better service, in protracting your
    husband's return, that you may go with more safety.

    FAL. Good truth, so you may; farewell, good sir. [EXIT MACI.] — Lord,
    how a woman may be mistaken in a man! I would have sworn upon all the
    Testaments in the world he had not loved master Brisk. Bring me my keys
    there, maid. Alas, good gentleman, if all I have in this earthly world
    will pleasure him, it shall be at his service.
    [EXIT.

    MIT. How Macilente sweats in this business, if you mark him!

    COR. Ay, you shall see the true picture of spite, anon: here comes the
    pawn and his redeemer.


    SCENE VI. — A ROOM AT THE MITRE.



    ENTER DELIRO, FUNGOSO, AND GEORGE.

    DELI. Come, brother, be not discouraged for this, man; what!

    FUNG. No, truly, I am not discouraged; but I protest to you, brother, I
    have done imitating any more gallants either in purse or apparel, but as
    shall become a gentleman, for good carriage, or so.

    DELI. You say well. — This is all in the bill here, is it not?

    GEORGE. Ay, sir.

    DELI. There's your money, tell it: and, brother, I am glad I met with so
    good occasion to shew my love to you.

    FUNG. I will study to deserve it in good truth an I live.

    DELI. What, is it right?

    GEORGE. Ay, sir, and I thank you.

    FUNG. Let me have a capon's leg saved, now the reckoning is paid.

    GEORGE. You shall, sir
    [EXIT.

    ENTER MACILENTE.
    MACI. Where's signior Deliro?

    DELI. Here, Macilente.

    MACI. Hark you, sir, have you dispatch'd this same?

    DELI. Ay, marry have I.

    MACI. Well then, I can tell you news; Brisk is in the Counter.

    DELI. In the Counter!

    MACI. 'Tis true, sir, committed for the stir here to-night. Now would I
    have you send your brother home afore him, with the report of this your
    kindness done him, to his sister, which will so pleasingly possess her, and
    out of his mouth too, that in the meantime you may clap your action on
    Brisk, and your wife, being in so happy a mood, cannot entertain it ill, by
    any means.

    DELI. 'Tis very true, she cannot, indeed, I think.

    MACI. Think! why 'tis past thought; you shall never meet the like
    opportunity, I assure you.

    DELI. I will do it. — Brother, pray you go home afore (this gentleman and
    I have some private business), and tell my sweet wife I'll come presently.

    FUNG. I will, brother.

    MACI. And, signior, acquaint your sister, how liberally, and out of his
    bounty, your brother has used you (do you see?), made you a man of good
    reckoning; redeem'd that you never were possest of, credit; gave you as
    gentlemanlike terms as might be; found no fault with your coming behind the
    fashion; nor nothing.

    FUNG. Nay, I am out of those humours now.

    MACI. Well, if you be out, keep your distance, and be not made a shot-clog
    any more. — Come, signior, let's make haste.
    [EXEUNT.


    SCENE VII. — THE COUNTER.



    ENTER FALLACE AND FASTIDIOUS BRISK.

    FAL. O, master Fastidious, what pity is it to see so sweet a man as you
    are, in so sour a place!
    [KISSES HIM.

    COR. As upon her lips, does she mean?

    MIT. O, this is to be imagined the Counter, belike.

    FAST. Troth, fair lady, 'tis first the pleasure of the fates, and next of
    the constable, to have it so: but I am patient, and indeed comforted the
    more in your kind visit.

    FAL. Nay, you shall be comforted in me more than this, if you please, sir.
    I sent you word by my brother, sir, that my husband laid to 'rest you this
    morning; I know now whether you received it or no.

    FAST. No, believe it, sweet creature, your brother gave me no such
    intelligence.

    FAL. O, the lord!

    FAST. But has your husband any such purpose?

    FAL. O, sweet master Brisk, yes: and therefore be presently discharged,
    for if he come with his actions upon you, Lord deliver you! you are in for
    one half-a-score year; he kept a poor man in Ludgate once twelve year for
    sixteen shillings. Where's your keeper? for love's sake call him, let him
    take a bribe, and despatch you. Lord, how my heart trembles! here are no
    spies, are there?

    FAST. No, sweet mistress. Why are you in this passion?

    FAL. O lord, master Fastidious, if you knew how I took up my husband
    to-day, when he said he would arrest you; and how I railed at him that
    persuaded him to it, the scholar there (who, on my conscience, loves you
    now), and what care I took to send you intelligence by my brother; and how
    I gave him four sovereigns for his pains: and now, how I came running out
    hither without man or boy with me, so soon as I heard on't; you'd say I
    were in a passion indeed. Your keeper, for God's sake! O, master Brisk,
    as 'tis in 'Euphues', 'Hard is the choice, when one is compelled either by
    silence to die with grief, or by speaking to live with shame'.

    FAST. Fair lady, I conceive you, and may this kiss assure you, that where
    adversity hath, as it were, contracted, prosperity shall not — Od's me!
    your husband.

    ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE.
    FAL. O me!

    DELI. Ay! Is it thus?

    MACI. Why, how now, signior Deliro! has the wolf seen you, ha? Hath
    Gorgon's head made marble of you?

    DELI. Some planet strike me dead!

    MACI. Why, look you, sir, I told you, you might have suspected this long
    afore, had you pleased, and have saved this labour of admiration now, and
    passion, and such extremities as this frail lump of flesh is subject unto.
    Nay, why do you not doat now, signior? methinks you should say it were
    some enchantment, 'deceptio visus', or so, ha! If you could persuade
    yourself it were a dream now, 'twere excellent: faith, try what you can
    do, signior: it may be your imagination will be brought to it in time;
    there's nothing impossible.

    FAL. Sweet husband!

    DELI. Out, lascivious strumpet!
    [EXIT.

    MACI. What! did you see how ill that stale vein became him afore, of
    'sweet wife', and 'dear heart'; and are you fallen just into the same now,
    with 'sweet husband'! Away, follow him, go, keep state: what! remember
    you are a woman, turn impudent; give him not the head, though you give him
    the horns. Away. And yet, methinks, you should take your leave of 'enfant
    perdu' here, your forlorn hope. [EXIT FAL.] — How now, monsieur Brisk?
    what! Friday night, and in affliction too, and yet your pulpamenta, your
    delicate morsels! I perceive the affection of ladies and gentlewomen
    pursues you wheresoever you go, monsieur.

    FAST. Now, in good faith, and as I am gentle, there could not have come a
    thing in this world to have distracted me more, than the wrinkled fortunes
    of this poor dame.

    MACI. O yes, sir; I can tell you a think will distract you much better,
    believe it: Signior Deliro has entered three actions against you, three
    actions, monsieur! marry, one of them (I'll put you in comfort) is but
    three thousand, and the other two, some five thousand pound together:
    trifles, trifles.

    FAST. O, I am undone.

    MACI. Nay, not altogether so, sir; the knight must have his hundred pound
    repaid, that will help too; and then six score pounds for a diamond, you
    know where. These be things will weigh, monsieur, they will weigh.

    FAST. O heaven!

    MACI. What! do you sigh? this is to 'kiss the hand of a countess', to
    'have her coach sent for you', to 'hang poniards in ladies' garters', to
    'wear bracelets of their hair', and for every one of these great favours to
    'give some slight jewel of five hundred crowns, or so'; why, 'tis nothing.
    Now, monsieur, you see the plague that treads on the heels o' your foppery:
    well, go your ways in, remove yourself to the two-penny ward quickly, to
    save charges, and there set up your rest to spend sir Puntarvolo's hundred
    pound for him. Away, good pomander, go!
    [EXIT FASTIDIOUS.
    Why here's a change! now is my soul at peace:
    I am as empty of all envy now,
    As they of merit to be envied at.
    My humour, like a flame, no longer lasts
    Than it hath stuff to feed it; and their folly
    Being now raked up in their repentant ashes,
    Affords no ampler subject to my spleen.
    I am so far from malicing their states,
    That I begin to pity them. It grieves me
    To think they have a being. I could wish
    They might turn wise upon it, and be saved now,
    So heaven were pleased; but let them vanish, vapours! —
    Gentlemen, how like you it? has't not been tedious?

    COR. Nay, we have done censuring now.

    MIT. Yes, faith.

    MACI. How so?

    COR. Marry, because we'll imitate your actors, and be out of our humours.
    Besides, here are those round about you of more ability in censure than we,
    whose judgments can give it a more satisfying allowance; we'll refer you to
    them.
    [EXEUNT CORDATUS AND MITIS.

    MACI. [COMING FORWARD.] Ay, is it even so? — Well, gentlemen, I should
    have gone in, and return'd to you as I was Asper at the first; but by
    reason the shift would have been somewhat long, and we are loth to draw
    your patience farther, we'll entreat you to imagine it. And now, that you
    may see I will be out of humour for company, I stand wholly to your kind
    approbation, and indeed am nothing so peremptory as I was in the beginning:
    marry, I will not do as Plautus in his 'Amphytrio', for all this, 'summi
    Jovis causa plaudite'; beg a plaudite for God's sake; but if you, out of
    the bounty of your good-liking, will bestow it, why, you may in time make
    lean Macilente as fat as sir John Falstaff.
    [EXIT.


    THE EPILOGUE



    AT THE PRESENTATION BEFORE QUEEN ELIZABETH

    BY MACILENTE.

    Never till now did object greet mine eyes
    With any light content: but in her graces
    All my malicious powers have lost their stings.
    Envy is fled from my soul at sight of her,
    And she hath chased all black thoughts from my bosom,
    Like as the sun doth darkness from the world,
    My stream of humour is run out of me,
    And as our city's torrent, bent t'infect
    The hallow'd bowels of the silver Thames,
    Is check'd by strength and clearness of the river,
    Till it hath spent itself even at the shore;
    So in the ample and unmeasured flood
    Of her perfections, are my passions drown'd;
    And I have now a spirit as sweet and clear
    As the more rarefied and subtle air: —
    With which, and with a heart as pure as fire,
    Yet humble as the earth, do I implore
    [KNEELS.
    O heaven, that She, whose presence hath effected
    This change in me, may suffer most late change
    In her admired and happy government:
    May still this Island be call'd Fortunate,
    And rugged Treason tremble at the sound,
    When Fame shall speak it with an emphasis.
    Let foreign polity be dull as lead,
    And pale Invasion come with half a heart,
    When he but looks upon her blessed soil.
    The throat of War be stopt within her land,
    And turtle-footed Peace dance fairy rings
    About her court; where never may there come
    Suspect or danger, but all trust and safety.
    Let Flattery be dumb, and Envy blind
    In her dread presence; Death himself admire her;
    And may her virtues make him to forget
    The use of his inevitable hand.
    Fly from her, Age; sleep, Time, before her throne;
    Our strongest wall falls down, when she is gone.





    GLOSSARY



    ABATE, cast down, subdue
    ABHORRING, repugnant (to), at variance
    ABJECT, base, degraded thing, outcast
    ABRASE, smooth, blank
    ABSOLUTE(LY), faultless(ly)
    ABSTRACTED, abstract, abstruse
    ABUSE, deceive, insult, dishonour, make ill use of
    ACATER, caterer
    ACATES, cates
    ACCEPTIVE, willing, ready to accept, receive
    ACCOMMODATE, fit, befitting. (The word was a fashionable one and used on
    all occasions. See "Henry IV.," pt. 2, iii.4)
    ACCOST, draw near, approach
    ACKNOWN, confessedly acquainted with
    ACME, full maturity
    ADALANTADO, lord deputy or governor of a Spanish province
    ADJECTION, addition
    ADMIRATION, astonishment
    ADMIRE, wonder, wonder at
    ADROP, philosopher's stone, or substance from which obtained
    ADSCRIVE, subscribe
    ADULTERATE, spurious, counterfeit
    ADVANCE, life
    ADVERTISE, inform, give intelligence
    ADVERTISED, "be —," be it known to you
    ADVERTISEMENT, intelligence
    ADVISE, consider, bethink oneself, deliberate
    ADVISED, informed, aware; "are you —?" have you found that out?
    AFFECT, love, like; aim at; move
    AFFECTED, disposed; beloved
    AFFECTIONATE, obstinate; prejudiced
    AFFECTS, affections
    AFFRONT, "give the — ," face
    AFFY, have confidence in; betroth
    AFTER, after the manner of
    AGAIN, AGAINST, in anticipation of
    AGGRAVATE, increase, magnify, enlarge upon
    AGNOMINATION. See Paranomasie
    AIERY, nest, brood
    AIM, guess
    ALL HID, children's cry at hide-and-seek
    ALL-TO, completely, entirely ("all-to-be-laden")
    ALLOWANCE, approbation, recognition
    ALMA-CANTARAS (astron.), parallels of altitude
    ALMAIN, name of a dance
    ALMUTEN, planet of chief influence in the horoscope
    ALONE, unequalled, without peer
    ALUDELS, subliming pots
    AMAZED, confused, perplexed
    AMBER, AMBRE, ambergris
    AMBREE, MARY, a woman noted for her valour at the siege of Ghent, 1458
    AMES-ACE, lowest throw at dice
    AMPHIBOLIES, ambiguities
    AMUSED, bewildered, amazed
    AN, if
    ANATOMY, skeleton, or dissected body
    ANDIRONS, fire-dogs
    ANGEL, gold coin worth 10s., stamped with the figure of the archangel Michael
    ANNESH CLEARE, spring known as Agnes le Clare
    ANSWER, return hit in fencing
    ANTIC, ANTIQUE, clown, buffoon
    ANTIC, like a buffoon
    ANTIPERISTASIS, an opposition which enhances the quality it opposes
    APOZEM, decoction
    AFFERIL, peril
    APPLE-JOHN, APPLE-SQUIRE, pimp, pander
    APPLY, attach
    APPREHEND, take into custody
    APPREHENSIVE, quick of perception; able to perceive and appreciate
    APPROVE, prove, confirm
    APT, suit, adapt; train, prepare; dispose, incline
    APT(LY), suitable(y), opportune(ly)
    APTITUDE, suitableness
    ARBOR, "make the —," cut up the game (Gifford)
    ARCHES, Court of Arches
    ARCHIE, Archibald Armstrong, jester to James I. and Charles I.
    ARGAILE, argol, crust or sediment in wine casks
    ARGENT-VIVE, quicksilver
    ARGUMENT, plot of a drama; theme, subject; matter in question; token, proof
    ARRIDE, please
    ARSEDINE, mixture of copper and zinc, used as an imitation of gold-leaf
    ARTHUR, PRINCE, reference to an archery show by a society who assumed arms,
    etc., of Arthur's knights
    ARTICLE, item
    ARTIFICIALLY, artfully
    ASCENSION, evaporation, distillation
    ASPIRE, try to reach, obtain, long for
    ASSALTO (Ital.), assault
    ASSAY, draw a knife along the belly of the deer, a ceremony of the
    hunting-field
    ASSOIL, solve
    ASSURE, secure possession or reversion of
    ATHANOR, a digesting furnace, calculated to keep up a constant heat
    ATONE, reconcile
    ATTACH, attack, seize
    AUDACIOUS, having spirit and confidence
    AUTHENTIC(AL), of authority, authorised, trustworthy, genuine
    AVISEMENT, reflection, consideration
    AVOID, begone! get rid of
    AWAY WITH, endure
    AZOCH, Mercurius Philosophorum

    BABION, baboon
    BABY, doll
    BACK-SIDE, back premises
    BAFFLE, treat with contempt
    BAGATINE, Italian coin, worth about the third of a farthing
    BALARD, horse of magic powers known to old romance
    BALDRICK, belt worn across the breast to support bugle, etc.
    BALE (of dice), pair
    BALK, overlook, pass by, avoid
    BALLACE, ballast
    BALLOO, game at ball
    BALNEUM (BAIN MARIE), a vessel for holding hot water in which other vessels
    are stood for heating
    BANBURY, "brother of __," Puritan
    BANDOG, dog tied or chained up
    BANE, woe, ruin
    BANQUET, a light repast; dessert
    BARB, to clip gold
    BARBEL, fresh-water fish
    BARE, meer; bareheaded; it was "a particular mark of state and grandeur for
    the coachman to be uncovered" (Gifford)
    BARLEY-GREAK, game somewhat similar to base
    BASE, game of prisoner's base
    BASES, richly embroidered skirt reaching to the knees, or lower
    BASILISK, fabulous reptile, believed to slay with its eye
    BASKET, used for the broken provision collected for prisoners
    BASON, basons, etc., were beaten by the attendant mob when bad characters
    were "carted"
    BATE, be reduced; abate, reduce
    BATOON, baton, stick
    BATTEN, feed, grow fat
    BAWSON, badger
    BEADSMAN, PRAYER-MAN, one engaged to pray for another
    BEAGLE, small hound; fig. spy
    BEAR IN HAND, keep in suspense, deceive with false hopes
    BEARWARD, bear leader
    BEDPHERE See Phere
    BEDSTAFF, (?) wooden pin in the side of the bedstead for supporting the
    bedclothes (Johnson); one of the sticks of "laths"; a stick used in making
    a bed
    BEETLE, heavy mallet
    BEG, "I'd — him," the custody of minors and idiots was begged for;
    likewise property fallen forfeit to the Crown ("your house had been begged")
    BELL-MAN, night watchman
    BENJAMIN, an aromatic gum
    BERLINA, pillory
    BESCUMBER, defile
    BESLAVE, beslabber
    BESOGNO, beggar
    BESPAWLE, bespatter
    BETHLEHEM GABOR, Transylvanian hero, proclaimed King of Hungary
    BEVER, drinking
    BEVIS, SIR, knight of romance whose horse was equally celebrated
    BEWAY, reveal, make known
    BEZANT, heraldic term: small gold circle
    BEZOAR'S STONE, a remedy known by this name was a supposed antidote to poison
    BID-STAND, highwayman
    BIGGIN, cap, similar to that worn by the Beguines; nightcap
    BILIVE (belive), with haste
    BILE, nothing, empty talk
    BILL, kind of pike
    BILLET, wood cut for fuel, stick
    BIRDING, thieving
    BLACK SANCTUS, burlesque hymn, any unholy riot
    BLANK, originally a small French coin
    BLANK, white
    BLANKET, toss in a blanket
    BLAZE, outburst of violence
    BLAZE, (her.) blazon; publish abroad
    BLAZON, armorial bearings; fig. all that pertains to good birth and breeding
    BLIN, "withouten —," without ceasing
    BLOW, puff up
    BLUE, colour of servants' livery, hence "— order," "— waiters"
    BLUSHET, blushing one
    BOB, jest, taunt
    BOB, beat, thump
    BODGE, measure
    BODKIN, dagger, or other short, pointed weapon; long pin with which the
    women fastened up their hair
    BOLT, roll (of material)
    BOLT, dislodge, rout out; sift (boulting-tub)
    BOLT'S-HEAD, long, straight-necked vessel for distillation.
    BOMBARD SLOPS, padded, puffed-out breeches
    BONA ROBA, "good, wholesome, plum-cheeked wench" (Johnson) — not always
    used in compliment
    BONNY-CLABBER, sour butter-milk
    BOOKHOLDER, prompter
    BOOT, "to —," into the bargain; "no —," of no avail
    BORACHIO, bottle made of skin
    BORDELLO, brothel
    BORNE IT, conducted, carried it through
    BOTTLE (of han), bundle, truss
    BOTTOM, skein or ball of thread; vessel
    BOURD, jest
    BOVOLI, snails or cockles dressed in the Italian manner (Gifford)
    BOW-POT, flower vase or pot
    BOYE, "terrible —," "angry —," roystering young bucks. (See Nares)
    BRABBLES (BRABBLESH), brawls
    BRACH, bitch
    BRADAMANTE, a heroine in 'Orlando Furioso'
    BRADLEY, ARTHUR OF, a lively character commemorated in ballads
    BRAKE, frame for confining a norse's feet while being shod, or strong curb
    or bridle; trap
    BRANCHED, with "detached sleeve ornaments, projecting from the shoulders of
    the gown" (Gifford)
    BRANDISH, flourish of weapon
    BRASH, brace
    BRAVE, bravado, braggart speech
    BRAVE (adv.), gaily, finely (apparelled)
    BRAVERIES, gallants
    BRAVERY, extravagant gaiety of apparel
    BRAVO, bravado, swaggerer
    BRAZEN-HEAD, speaking head made by Roger Bacon
    BREATHE, pause for relaxation; exercise
    BREATH UPON, speak dispraisingly of
    BREND, burn
    BRIDE-ALE, wedding feast
    BRIEF, abstract; (mus.) breve
    BRISK, smartly dressed
    BRIZE, breese, gadfly
    BROAD-SEAL, state seal
    BROCK, badger (term of contempt)
    BROKE, transact business as a broker
    BROOK, endure, put up with
    BROUGHTON, HUGH, an English divine and Hebrew scholar
    BRUIT, rumour
    BUCK, wash
    BUCKLE, bend
    BUFF, leather made of buffalo skin, used for military and serjeants' coats,
    etc.
    BUFO, black tincture
    BUGLE, long-shaped bead
    BULLED, (?) boiled, swelled
    BULLIONS, trunk hose
    BULLY, term of familiar endearment
    BUNGY, Friar Bungay, who had a familiar in the shape of a dog
    BURDEN, refrain, chorus
    BURGONET, closely-fitting helmet with visor
    BURGULLION, braggadocio
    BURN, mark wooden measures (" —ing of cans")
    BURROUGH, pledge, security
    BUSKIN, half-boot, foot gear reaching high up the leg
    BUTT-SHAFT, barbless arrow for shooting at butts
    BUTTER, NATHANIEL. ("Staple of News"), a compiler of general news. (See
    Cunningham)
    BUTTERY-HATCH, half-door shutting off the buttery, where provisions and
    liquors were stored
    BUY, "he bought me," formerly the guardianship of wards could be bought
    BUZ, exclamation to enjoin silence
    BUZZARD, simpleton
    BY AND BY, at once
    BY(E), "on the __," incidentally, as of minor or secondary importance; at
    the side
    BY-CHOP, by-blow, bastard

    CADUCEUS, Mercury's wand
    CALIVER, light kind of musket
    CALLET, woman of ill repute
    CALLOT, coif worn on the wigs of our judges or serjeants-at-law (Gifford)
    CALVERED, crimped, or sliced and pickled. (See Nares)
    CAMOUCCIO, wretch, knave
    CAMUSED, flat
    CAN, knows
    CANDLE-RENT, rent from house property
    CANDLE-WASTER, one who studies late
    CANTER, sturdy beggar
    CAP OF MAINTENCE, an insignia of dignity, a cap of state borne before kings
    at their coronation; also an heraldic term
    CAPABLE, able to comprehend, fit to receive instruction, impression
    CAPANEUS, one of the "Seven against Thebes"
    CARACT, carat, unit of weight for precious stones, etc.; value, worth
    CARANZA, Spanish author of a book on duelling
    CARCANET, jewelled ornament for the neck
    CARE, take care; object
    CAROSH, coach, carriage
    CARPET, table-cover
    CARRIAGE, bearing, behaviour
    CARWHITCHET, quip, pun
    CASAMATE, casemate, fortress
    CASE, a pair
    CASE, "in —," in condition
    CASSOCK, soldier's loose overcoat
    CAST, flight of hawks, couple
    CAST, throw dice; vomit; forecast, calculate
    CAST, cashiered
    CASTING-GLASS, bottle for sprinkling perfume
    CASTRIL, kestrel, falcon
    CAT, structure used in sieges
    CATAMITE, old form of "ganymede"
    CATASTROPHE, conclusion
    CATCHPOLE, sheriff's officer
    CATES, dainties, provisions
    CATSO, rogue, cheat
    CAUTELOUS, crafty, artful
    CENSURE, criticism; sentence
    CENSURE, criticise; pass sentence, doom
    CERUSE, cosmetic containing white lead
    CESS, assess
    CHANGE, "hunt —," follow a fresh scent
    CHAPMAN, retail dealer
    CHARACTER, handwriting
    CHARGE, expense
    CHARM, subdue with magic, lay a spell on, silence
    CHARMING, exercising magic power
    CHARTEL, challenge
    CHEAP, bargain, market
    CHEAR, CHEER, comfort, encouragement; food, entertainment
    CHECK AT, aim reproof at
    CHEQUIN, gold Italian coin
    CHEVEIL, from kidskin, which is elastic and pliable
    CHIAUS, Turkish envoy; used for a cheat, swindler
    CHILDERMASS DAY, Innocents' Day
    CHOKE-BAIL, action which does not allow of bail
    CHRYSOPOEIA, alchemy
    CHRYSOSPERM, ways of producing gold
    CIBATION, adding fresh substances to supply the waste of evaporation
    CIMICI, bugs
    CINOPER, cinnabar
    CIOPPINI, chopine, lady's high shoe
    CIRCLING BOY, "a species of roarer; one who in some way drew a man into a
    snare, to cheat or rob him" (Nares)
    CIRCUMSTANCE, circumlocution, beating about the bush; ceremony, everything
    pertaining to a certain condition; detail, particular
    CITRONISE, turn citron colour
    CITTERN, kind of guitar
    CITY-WIRES, woman of fashion, who made use of wires for hair and dress
    CIVIL, legal
    CLAP, clack, chatter
    CLAPPER-DUDGEON, downright beggar
    CLAPS HIS DISH, a clap, or clack, dish (dish with a movable lid) was
    carried by beggars and lepers to show that the vessel was empty, and to
    give sound of their approach
    CLARIDIANA, heroine of an old romance
    CLARISSIMO, Venetian noble
    CLEM, starve
    CLICKET, latch
    CLIM O' THE CLOUGHS, etc., wordy heroes of romance
    CLIMATE, country
    CLOSE, secret, private; secretive
    CLOSENESS, secrecy
    CLOTH, arras, hangings
    CLOUT, mark shot at, bull's eye
    CLOWN, countryman, clodhopper
    COACH-LEAVES, folding blinds
    COALS, "bear no —," submit to no affront
    COAT-ARMOUR, coat of arms
    COAT-CARD, court-card
    COB-HERRING, HERRING-COB, a young herring
    COB-SWAN, male swan
    COCK-A-HOOP, denoting unstinted jollity; thought to be derived from turning
    on the tap that all might drink to the full of the flowing liquor
    COCKATRICE, reptile supposed to be produced from a cock's egg and to kill
    by its eye — used as a term of reproach for a woman
    COCK-BRAINED, giddy, wild
    COCKER, pamper
    COCKSCOMB, fool's cap
    COCKSTONE, stone said to be found in a cock's gizzard, and to possess
    particular virtues
    CODLING, softening by boiling
    COFFIN, raised crust of a pie
    COG, cheat, wheedle
    COIL, turmoil, confusion, ado
    COKELY, master of a puppet-show (Whalley)
    COKES, fool, gull
    COLD-CONCEITED, having cold opinion of, coldly affected towards
    COLE-HARBOUR, a retreat for people of all sorts
    COLLECTION, composure; deduction
    COLLOP, small slice, piece of flesh
    COLLY, blacken
    COLOUR, pretext
    COLOURS, "fear no —," no enemy (quibble)
    COLSTAFF, cowlstaff, pole for carrying a cowl=tub
    COME ABOUT, charge, turn round
    COMFORTABLE BREAD, spiced gingerbread
    COMING, forward, ready to respond, complaisant
    COMMENT, commentary; "sometime it is taken for a lie or fayned tale"
    (Bullokar, 1616)

    COMMODITY, "current for —," allusion to practice of money-lenders, who
    forced the borrower to take part of the loan in the shape of worthless
    goods on which the latter had to make money if he could
    COMMUNICATE, share
    COMPASS, "in —," within the range, sphere
    COMPLEMENT, completion, completement; anything required for the perfecting
    or carrying out of a person or affair; accomplishment
    COMPLEXION, natural disposition, constitution
    COMPLIMENT, See Complement
    COMPLIMENTARIES, masters of accomplishments
    COMPOSITION, constitution; agreement, contract
    COMPOSURE, composition
    COMPTER, COUNTER, debtors' prison
    CONCEALMENT, a certain amount of church property had been retained at the
    dissolution of the monasteries; Elizabeth sent commissioners to search it
    out, and the courtiers begged for it
    CONCEIT, idea, fancy, witty invention, conception, opinion
    CONCEIT, apprehend
    CONCEITED, fancifully, ingeniously devised or conceived; possessed of
    intelligence, witty, ingenious (hence well conceited, etc.); disposed to
    joke; of opinion, possessed of an idea
    CONCEIVE, understand
    CONCENT, harmony, agreement
    CONCLUDE, infer, prove
    CONCOCT, assimilate, digest
    CONDEN'T, probably conducted
    CONDUCT, escort, conductor
    CONEY-CATCH, cheat
    CONFECT, sweetmeat
    CONFER, compare
    CONGIES, bows
    CONNIVE, give a look, wink, of secret intelligence
    CONSORT, company, concert
    CONSTANCY, fidelity, ardour, persistence
    CONSTANT, confirmed, persistent, faithful
    CONSTANTLY, firmly, persistently
    CONTEND, strive
    CONTINENT, holding together
    CONTROL (the point), bear or beat down
    CONVENT, assembly, meeting
    CONVERT, turn (oneself)
    CONVEY, transmit from one to another
    CONVINCE, evince, prove; overcome, overpower; convict
    COP, head, top; tuft on head of birds; "a cop" may have reference to one or
    other meaning; Gifford and others interpret as "conical, terminating in a
    point"
    COPE-MAN, chapman
    COPESMATE, companion
    CORV (Lat. Copia), abundance, copiousness
    CORN ("powder - "), grain
    COROLLARY, finishing part or touch
    CORSIVE, corrosive
    CORTINE, curtain, (arch.) wall between two towers, etc.
    CORYAT, famous for his travels, published as 'Coryat's Crudities'
    COSSET, pet lamb, pet
    COSTARD, head
    COSTARD-MONGER, apple-seller, coster-monger
    COSTS, ribs
    COTE, hut
    COTHURNAL, from "cothurnus," a particular boot worn by actors in Greek tragedy
    COTQUEAN, hussy
    COUNSEL, secret
    COUNTENANCE, means necessary for support; credit, standing
    COUNTER. See Compter
    COUNTER, pieces of metal or ivory for calculating at play
    COUNTER, "hunt —," follow scent in reverse direction
    COUNTERFEIT, false coin
    COUNTERPANE, one part or counterpart of a deed or indenture
    COUNTERPOINT, opposite, contrary point
    COURT-DISH, a kind of drinking-cup (Halliwell); N.E.D. quotes from Bp.
    Goodman's 'Court of James I.: "The king...caused his carver to cut him out
    a court-dish, that is, something of every dish, which he sent him as part
    of his reversion," but this does not sound like short allowance or small
    receptacle
    COURT-DOR, fool
    COURTEAU, curtal, small horse with docked tail
    COURTSHIP, courtliness
    COVETISE, avarice
    COWSHARD, cow dung
    COXCOMB, fool's cap, fool
    COY, shrink; disdain
    COYSTREL, low varlet
    COZEN, cheat
    CRACK, lively young rogue, wag
    CRACK, crack up, boast; come to grief
    CRAMBE, game of crambo, in which the players find rhymes for a given word
    CRANCH, craunch
    CRANTON, spider-like; also fairy appellation for a fly (Gifford, who refers
    to lines in Drayton's "Nimphidia")
    CRIMP, game at cards
    CRINCLE, draw back, turn aside
    CRISPED, with curled or waved hair
    CROP, gather, reap
    CROPSHIRE, a kind of herring. (See N.E.D.)
    CROSS, any piece of money, many coins being stamped with a cross
    CROSS AND FILE, heads and tails
    CROSSLET, crucible
    CROWD, fiddle
    CRUDITIES, undigested matter
    CRUMP, curl up
    CRUSADO, Portuguese gold coin, marked with a cross
    CRY ("he that cried Italian):, "speak in a musical cadence," intone, or
    declaim(?); cry up
    CUCKING-STOOL, used for the ducking of scolds, etc.
    CUCURBITE, a gourd-shaped vessel used for distillation
    CUERPO, "in —," in undress
    CULLICE, broth
    CULLION, base fellow, coward
    CULLISEN, badge worn on their arm by servants
    CULVERIN, kind of cannon
    CUNNING, skill
    CUNNING, skilful
    CUNNING-MAN, fortune-teller
    CURE, care for
    CURIOUS(LY), scrupulous, particular; elaborate, elegant(ly), dainty(ly)
    (hence "in curious")
    CURST, shrewish, mischievous
    CURTAL, dog with docked tail, of inferior sort
    CUSTARD, "quaking —," " — politic," reference to a large custard which
    formed part of a city feast and afforded huge entertainment, for the fool
    jumped into it, and other like tricks were played. (See "All's Well, etc."
    ii. 5, 40)
    CUTWORK, embroidery, open-work
    CYPRES (CYPRUS) (quibble), cypress (or cyprus) being a transparent
    material, and when black used for mourning

    DAGGER (" — frumety"), name of tavern
    DARGISON, apparently some person known in ballad or tale
    DAUPHIN MY BOY, refrain of old comic song
    DAW, daunt
    DEAD LIFT, desperate emergency
    DEAR, applied to that which in any way touches us nearly
    DECLINE, turn off from; turn away, aside
    DEFALK, deduct, abate
    DEFEND, forbid
    DEGENEROUS, degenerate
    DEGREES, steps
    DELATE, accuse
    DEMI-CULVERIN, cannon carrying a ball of about ten pounds
    DENIER, the smallest possible coin, being the twelfth part of a sou
    DEPART, part with
    DEPENDANCE, ground of quarrel in duello language
    DESERT, reward
    DESIGNMENT, design
    DESPERATE, rash, reckless
    DETECT, allow to be detected, betray, inform against
    DETERMINE, terminate
    DETRACT, draw back, refuse
    DEVICE, masque, show; a thing moved by wires, etc., puppet
    DEVISE, exact in every particular
    DEVISED, invented
    DIAPASM, powdered aromatic herbs, made into balls of perfumed paste. (See
    Pomander)
    DIBBLE, (?) moustache (N.E.D.); (?) dagger (Cunningham)
    DIFFUSED, disordered, scattered, irregular
    DIGHT, dressed
    DILDO, refrain of popular songs; vague term of low meaning
    DIMBLE, dingle, ravine
    DIMENSUM, stated allowance
    DISBASE, debase
    DISCERN, distinguish, show a difference between
    DISCHARGE, settle for
    DISCIPLINE, reformation; ecclesiastical system
    DISCLAIM, renounce all part in
    DISCOURSE, process of reasoning, reasoning faculty
    DISCOURTSHIP, discourtesy
    DISCOVER, betray, reveal; display
    DISFAVOUR, disfigure
    DISPARGEMENT, legal term supplied to the unfitness in any way of a marriage
    arranged for in the case of wards
    DISPENSE WITH, grant dispensation for
    DISPLAY, extend
    DIS'PLE, discipline, teach by the whip
    DISPOSED, inclined to merriment
    DISPOSURE, disposal
    DISPRISE, depreciate
    DISPUNCT, not punctilious
    DISQUISITION, search
    DISSOLVED, enervated by grief
    DISTANCE, (?) proper measure
    DISTASTE, offence, cause of offence
    DISTASTE, render distasteful
    DISTEMPERED, upset, out of humour
    DIVISION (mus.), variation, modulation
    DOG-BOLT, term of contempt
    DOLE, given in dole, charity
    DOLE OF FACES, distribution of grimaces
    DOOM, verdict, sentence
    DOP, dip, low bow
    DOR, beetle, buzzing insect, drone, idler
    DOR, (?) buzz; "give the —," make a fool of
    DOSSER, pannier, basket
    DOTES, endowments, qualities
    DOTTEREL, plover; gull, fool
    DOUBLE, behave deceitfully
    DOXY, wench, mistress
    DRACHM, Greek silver coin
    DRESS, groom, curry
    DRESSING, coiffure
    DRIFT, intention
    DRYFOOT, track by mere scent of foot
    DUCKING, punishment for minor offences
    DUILL, grieve
    DUMPS, melancholy, originally a mournful melody
    DURINDANA, Orlando's sword
    DWINDLE, shrink away, be overawed

    EAN, yean, bring forth young
    EASINESS, readiness
    EBOLITION, ebullition
    EDGE, sword
    EECH, eke
    EGREGIOUS, eminently excellent
    EKE, also, moreover
    E-LA, highest note in the scale
    EGGS ON THE SPIT, important business on hand
    ELF-LOCK, tangled hair, supposed to be the work of elves
    EMMET, ant
    ENGAGE, involve
    ENGHLE. See Ingle
    ENGHLE, cajole; fondle
    ENGIN(E), device, contrivance; agent; ingenuity, wit
    ENGINER, engineer, deviser, plotter
    ENGINOUS, crafty, full of devices; witty, ingenious
    ENGROSS, monopolise
    ENS, an existing thing, a substance
    ENSIGNS, tokens, wounds
    ENSURE, assure
    ENTERTAIN, take into service
    ENTREAT, plead
    ENTREATY, entertainment
    ENTRY, place where a deer has lately passed
    ENVOY, denouement, conclusion
    ENVY, spite, calumny, dislike, odium
    EPHEMERIDES, calendars
    EQUAL, just, impartial
    ERECTION, elevation in esteem
    ERINGO, candied root of the sea-holly, formerly used as a sweetmeat and
    aphrodisiac
    ERRANT, arrant
    ESSENTIATE, become assimilated
    ESTIMATION, esteem
    ESTRICH, ostrich
    ETHNIC, heathen
    EURIPUS, flux and reflux
    EVEN, just equable
    EVENT, fate, issue
    EVENT(ED), issue(d)
    EVERT, overturn
    EXACUATE, sharpen
    EXAMPLESS, without example or parallel
    EXCALIBUR, King Arthur's sword
    EXEMPLIFY, make an example of
    EXEMPT, separate, exclude
    EXEQUIES, obsequies
    EXHALE, drag out
    EXHIBITION, allowance for keep, pocket-money
    EXORBITANT, exceeding limits of propriety or law, inordinate
    EXORNATION, ornament
    EXPECT, wait
    EXPLATE, terminate
    EXPLICATE, explain, unfold
    EXTEMPORAL, extempore, unpremediated
    EXTRACTION, essence
    EXTRAORDINARY, employed for a special or temporary purpose
    EXTRUDE, expel
    EYE, "in —," in view
    EYEBRIGHT, (?) a malt liquor in which the herb of this name was infused, or
    a person who sold the same (Gifford)
    EYE-TINGE, least shade or gleam

    FACE, appearance
    FACES ABOUT, military word of command
    FACINOROUS, extremely wicked
    FACKINGS, faith
    FACT, deed, act, crime
    FACTIOUS, seditious, belonging to a party, given to party feeling
    FAECES, dregs
    FAGIOLI, French beans
    FAIN, forced, necessitated
    FAITHFUL, believing
    FALL, ruff or band turned back on the shoulders; or, veil
    FALSIFY, feign (fencing term)
    FAME, report
    FAMILIAR, attendant spirit
    FANTASTICAL, capricious, whimsical
    FARCE, stuff
    FAR-FET. See Fet
    FARTHINGAL, hooped petticoat
    FAUCET, tapster
    FAULT, lack; loss, break in line of scent; "for —," in default of
    FAUTOR, partisan
    FAYLES, old table game similar to backgammon
    FEAR(ED), affright(ed)
    FEAT, activity, operation; deed, action
    FEAT, elegant, trim
    FEE, "in —" by feudal obligation
    FEIZE, beat, belabour
    FELLOW, term of contempt
    FENNEL, emblem of flattery
    FERE, companion, fellow
    FERN-SEED, supposed to have power of rendering invisible
    FET, fetched
    FETCH, trick
    FEUTERER (Fr. vautrier), dog-keeper
    FEWMETS, dung
    FICO, fig
    FIGGUM, (?) jugglery
    FIGMENT, fiction, invention
    FIRK, frisk, move suddenly, or in jerks; "— up," stir up, rouse; "firks
    mad," suddenly behaves like a madman
    FIT, pay one out, punish
    FITNESS, readiness
    FITTON (FITTEN), lie, invention
    FIVE-AND-FIFTY, "highest number to stand on at primero" (Gifford)
    FLAG, to fly low and waveringly
    FLAGON CHAIN, for hanging a smelling-bottle (Fr. flacon) round the neck
    (?). (See N.E.D.)
    FLAP-DRAGON, game similar to snap-dragon
    FLASKET, some kind of basket
    FLAW, sudden gust or squall of wind
    FLAWN, custard
    FLEA, catch fleas
    FLEER, sneer, laugh derisively
    FLESH, feed a hawk or dog with flesh to incite it to the chase; initiate in
    blood-shed; satiate
    FLICKER-MOUSE, bat
    FLIGHT, light arrow
    FLITTER-MOUSE, bat
    FLOUT, mock, speak and act contemptuously
    FLOWERS, pulverised substance
    FLY, familiar spirit
    FOIL, weapon used in fencing; that which sets anything off to advantage
    FOIST, cut-purse, sharper
    FOND(LY), foolish(ly)
    FOOT-CLOTH, housings of ornamental cloth which hung down on either side a
    horse to the ground
    FOOTING, foothold; footstep; dancing
    FOPPERY, foolery
    FOR, "— failing," for fear of failing
    FORBEAR, bear with; abstain from
    FORCE, "hunt at —," run the game down with dogs
    FOREHEAD, modesty; face, assurance, effrontery
    FORESLOW, delay
    FORESPEAK, bewitch; foretell
    FORETOP, front lock of hair which fashion required to be worn upright
    FORGED, fabricated
    FORM, state formally
    FORMAL, shapely; normal; conventional
    FORTHCOMING, produced when required
    FOUNDER, disable with over-riding
    FOURM, form, lair
    FOX, sword
    FRAIL, rush basket in which figs or raisins were packed
    FRAMFULL, peevish, sour-tempered
    FRAPLER, blusterer, wrangler
    FRAYING, "a stag is said to fray his head when he rubs it against a tree
    to...cause the outward coat of the new horns to fall off" (Gifford)
    FREIGHT (of the gazetti), burden (of the newspapers)
    FREQUENT, full
    FRICACE, rubbing
    FRICATRICE, woman of low character
    FRIPPERY, old clothes shop
    FROCK, smock-frock
    FROLICS, (?) humorous verses circulated at least (N.E.D.); couplets wrapped
    round sweetmeats (Cunningham)
    FRONTLESS, shameless
    FROTED, rubbed
    FRUMETY, hulled wheat boiled in milk and spiced
    FRUMP, flout, sneer
    FUCUS, dye
    FUGEAND, (?) figment: flighty, restless (N.E.D.)
    FULLAM, false dice
    FULMART, polecat
    FULSOME, foul, offensive
    FURIBUND, raging, furious

    GALLEY-FOIST, city-barge, used on Lord Mayor's Day, when he was sworn into
    his office at Westminster (Whalley)
    GALLIARD, lively dance in triple time
    GAPE, be eager after
    GARAGANTUA, Rabelais' giant
    GARB, sheaf (Fr. Gerbe); manner, fashion, behaviour
    BARD, guard, trimming, gold or silver lace, or other ornament
    GARDED, faced or trimmed
    GARNISH, fee
    GAVEL-KIND, name of a land-tenure existing chiefly in Kent; from 16th
    century often used to denote custom of dividing a deceased man's property
    equally among his sons (N.E.D.)
    GAZETTE, small Venetian coin worth about three-farthings
    GEANCE, jaunt, errand
    GEAR (GEER), stuff, matter, affair
    GELID, frozen
    GEMONIES, steps from which the bodies of criminals were thrown into the river
    GENERAL, free, affable
    GENIUS, attendant spirit
    GENTRY, gentlemen; manners characteristic of gentry, good breeding
    GIB-CAT, tom-cat
    GIGANTOMACHIZE, start a giants' war
    GIGLOT, wanton
    GIMBLET, gimlet
    GING, gang
    GLASS ("taking in of shadows, etc."), crystal or beryl
    GLEEK, card game played by three; party of three, trio; side glance
    GLICK (GLEEK), jest, gibe
    GLIDDER, glaze
    GLORIOUSLY, of vain glory
    GODWIT, bird of the snipe family
    GOLD-END-MAN, a buyer of broken gold and silver
    GOLL, hand
    GONFALIONIER, standard-bearer, chief magistrate, etc.
    GOOD, sound in credit
    GOOD-Year, good luck
    GOOSE-TURD, colour of. (See Turd)
    GORCROW, carrion crow
    GORGET, neck armour
    GOSSIP, godfather
    GOWKED, from "gowk," to stand staring and gaping like a fool
    GRANNAM, grandam
    GRASS, (?) grease, fat
    GRATEFUL, agreeable, welcome
    GRATIFY, give thanks to
    GRATITUDE, gratuity
    GRATULATE, welcome, congratulate
    GRAVITY, dignity
    GRAY, badger
    GRICE, cub
    GRIEF, grievance
    GRIPE, vulture, griffin
    GRIPE'S EGG, vessel in shape of
    GROAT, fourpence
    GROGRAN, coarse stuff made of silk and mohair, or of coarse silk
    GROOM-PORTER, officer in the royal household
    GROPE, handle, probe
    GROUND, pit (hence "grounded judgments")
    GUARD, caution, heed
    GUARDANT, heraldic term: turning the head only
    GUILDER, Dutch coin worth about 4d.
    GULES, gullet, throat; heraldic term for red
    GULL, simpleton, dupe
    GUST, taste

    HAB NAB, by, on, chance
    HABERGEON, coat of mail
    HAGGARD, wild female hawk; hence coy, wild
    HALBERD, combination of lance and battle-axe
    HALL, "a —!" a cry to clear the room for the dancers
    HANDSEL, first money taken
    HANGER, loop or strap on a sword-belt from which the sword was suspended
    HAP, fortune, luck
    HAPPILY, haply
    HAPPINESS, appropriateness, fitness
    HAPPY, rich
    HARBOUR, track, trace (an animal) to its shelter
    HARD-FAVOURED, harsh-featured
    HARPOCRATES, Horus the child, son of Osiris, figured with a finger pointing
    to his mouth, indicative of silence
    HARRINGTON, a patent was granted to Lord H. for the coinage of tokens (q.v.)
    HARROT, herald
    HARRY NICHOLAS, founder of a community called the "Family of Love"
    HAY, net for catching rabbits, etc.
    HAY! (Ital. hai!), you have it (a fencing term)
    HAY IN HIS HORN, ill-tempered person
    HAZARD, game at dice; that which is staked
    HEAD, "first —," young deer with antlers first sprouting; fig. a
    newly-ennobled man
    HEADBOROUGH, constable
    HEARKEN AFTER, inquire; "hearken out," find, search out
    HEARTEN, encourage
    HEAVEN AND HELL ("Alchemist"), names of taverns
    HECTIC, fever
    HEDGE IN, include
    HELM, upper part of a retort
    HER'NSEW, hernshaw, heron
    HIERONIMO (JERONIMO), hero of Kyd's "Spanish Tragedy"
    HOBBY, nag
    HOBBY-HORSE, imitation horse of some light material, fastened round the
    waist of the morrice-dancer, who imitated the movements of a skittish horse
    HODDY-DODDY, fool
    HOIDEN, hoyden, formerly applied to both sexes (ancient term for leveret?
    Gifford)
    HOLLAND, name of two famous chemists
    HONE AND HONERO, wailing expressions of lament or discontent
    HOOD-WIND'D, blindfolded
    HORARY, hourly
    HORN-MAD, stark mad (quibble)
    HORN-THUMB, cut-purses were in the habit of wearing a horn shield on the thumb
    HORSE-BREAD-EATING, horses were often fed on coarse bread
    HORSE-COURSES, horse-dealer
    HOSPITAL, Christ's Hospital
    HOWLEGLAS, Eulenspiegel, the hero of a popular German tale which related
    his buffooneries and knavish tricks
    HUFF, hectoring, arrogance
    HUFF IT, swagger
    HUISHER (Fr. huissier), usher
    HUM, beer and spirits mixed together
    HUMANITIAN, humanist, scholar
    HUMOROUS, capricious, moody, out of humour; moist
    HUMOUR, a word used in and out of season in the time of Shakespeare and Ben
    Jonson, and ridiculed by both
    HUMOURS, manners
    HUMPHREY, DUKE, those who were dinnerless spent the dinner-hour in a part
    of St. Paul's where stood a monument said to be that of the duke's; hence
    "dine with Duke Humphrey," to go hungry
    HURTLESS, harmless

    IDLE, useless, unprofitable
    ILL-AFFECTED, ill-disposed
    ILL-HABITED, unhealthy
    ILLUSTRATE, illuminate
    IMBIBITION, saturation, steeping
    IMBROCATA, fencing term: a thrust in tierce
    IMPAIR, impairment
    IMPART, give money
    IMPARTER, any one ready to be cheated and to part with his money
    IMPEACH, damage
    IMPERTINENCIES, irrelevancies
    IMPERTINENT(LY), irrelevant(ly), without reason or purpose
    IMPOSITION, duty imposed by
    IMPOTENTLY, beyond power of control
    IMPRESS, money in advance
    IMPULSION, incitement
    IN AND IN, a game played by two or three persons with four dice
    INCENSE, incite, stir up
    INCERATION, act of covering with wax; or reducing a substance to softness
    of wax
    INCH, "to their —es," according to their stature, capabilities
    INCH-PIN, sweet-bread
    INCONVENIENCE, inconsistency, absurdity
    INCONY, delicate, rare (used as a term of affection)
    INCUBEE, incubus
    INCUBUS, evil spirit that oppresses us in sleep, nightmare
    INCURIOUS, unfastidious, uncritical
    INDENT, enter into engagement
    INDIFFERENT, tolerable, passable
    INDIGESTED, shapeless, chaotic
    INDUCE, introduce
    INDUE, supply
    INEXORABLE, relentless
    INFANTED, born, produced
    INFLAME, augment charge
    INGENIOUS, used indiscriminantly for ingenuous; intelligent, talented
    INGENUITY, ingenuousness
    INGENUOUS, generous
    INGINE. See Engin
    INGINER, engineer. (See Enginer)
    INGLE, OR ENGHLE, bosom friend, intimate, minion
    INHABITABLE, uninhabitable
    INJURY, insult, affront
    IN-MATE, resident, indwelling
    INNATE, natural
    INNOCENT, simpleton
    INQUEST, jury, or other official body of inquiry
    INQUISITION, inquiry
    INSTANT, immediate
    INSTRUMENT, legal document
    INSURE, assure
    INTEGRATE, complete, perfect
    INTELLIGENCE, secret information, news
    INTEND, note carefully, attend, give ear to, be occupied with
    INTENDMENT, intention
    INTENT, intention, wish
    INTENTION, concentration of attention or gaze
    INTENTIVE, attentive
    INTERESSED, implicated
    INTRUDE, bring in forcibly or without leave
    INVINCIBLY, invisibly
    INWARD, intimate
    IRPE (uncertain), "a fantastic grimace, or contortion of the body: (Gifford)

    JACE, Jack o' the clock, automaton figure that strikes the hour;
    Jack-a-lent, puppet thrown at in Lent
    JACK, key of a virginal
    JACOB'S STAFF, an instrument for taking altitudes and distances
    JADE, befool
    JEALOUSY, JEALOUS, suspicion, suspicious
    JERKING, lashing
    JEW'S TRUMP, Jew's harp
    JIG, merry ballad or tune; a fanciful dialogue or light comic act
    introduced at the end or during an interlude of a play
    JOINED (JOINT)-STOOL, folding stool
    JOLL, jowl
    JOLTHEAD, blockhead
    JUMP, agree, tally
    JUST YEAR, no one was capable of the consulship until he was forty-three

    KELL, cocoon
    KELLY, an alchemist
    KEMB, comb
    KEMIA, vessel for distillation
    KIBE, chap, sore
    KILDERKIN, small barrel
    KILL, kiln
    KIND, nature; species; "do one's —," act according to one's nature
    KIRTLE, woman's gown of jacket and petticoat
    KISS OR DRINK AFORE ME, "this is a familiar expression, employed when what
    the speaker is just about to say is anticipated by another" (Gifford)
    KIT, fiddle
    KNACK, snap, click
    KNIPPER-DOLING, a well-known Anabaptist
    KNITTING CUP, marriage cup
    KNOCKING, striking, weighty
    KNOT, company, band; a sandpiper or robin snipe (Tringa canulus);
    flower-bed laid out in fanciful design
    KURSINED, KYRSIN, christened

    LABOURED, wrought with labour and care
    LADE, load(ed)
    LADING, load
    LAID, plotted
    LANCE-KNIGHT (Lanzknecht), a German mercenary foot-soldier
    LAP, fold
    LAR, household god
    LARD, garnish
    LARGE, abundant
    LARUM, alarum, call to arms
    LATTICE, tavern windows were furnished with lattices of various colours
    LAUNDER, to wash gold in aqua regia, so as imperceptibly to extract some of it.
    LAVE, ladle, bale
    LAW, "give —," give a start (term of chase)
    LAXATIVE, loose
    LAY ABOARD, run alongside generally with intent to board
    LEAGUER, siege, or camp of besieging army
    LEASING, lying
    LEAVE, leave off, desist
    LEER, leering or "empty, hence, perhaps leer horse without a rider; leer is
    an adjective meaning uncontrolled, hence 'leer drunkards'" (Halliwell);
    according to Nares, a leer (empty) horse meant also a led horse; leeward,
    left

    LEESE, lose
    LEGS, "make —," do obeisance
    LEIGEP, resident representative
    LEIGERITY, legerdemain
    LEMMA, subject proposed, or title of the epigram
    LENTER, slower
    LET, hinder
    LET, hindrance
    LEVEL COIL, a rough game...in which one hunted another from his seat.
    Hence used for any noisy riot (Halliwell)
    LEWD, ignorant
    LEYSTALLS, receptacles of filth
    LIBERAL, ample
    LIEGER, ledger, register
    LIFT(ING), steal(ing)
    LIGHT, alight
    LIGHTLY, commonly, usually, often
    LIKE, please
    LIKELY, agreeable, pleasing
    LIME-HOUND, leash-, blood-hound
    LIMMER, vile, worthless
    LIN, leave off
    Line, "by —," by rule
    LINSTOCK, staff to stick in the ground, with forked head to hold a lighted
    match for firing cannon
    LIQUID, clear
    LIST, listen, hard; like, please
    LIVERY, legal term, delivery of the possession, etc.
    LOGGET, small log, stick
    LOOSE, solution; upshot, issue; release of an arrow
    LOSE, give over, desist from; waste
    LOUTING, bowing, cringing
    LUCULENT, bright of beauty
    LUDGATHIANS, dealers on Ludgate Hill
    LURCH, rob, cheat
    LUTE, to close a vessel with some kind of cement

    MACK, unmeaning expletive
    MADGE_HOWLET or own, barn-owl
    MAIM, hurt, injury
    MAIN, chief concern (used as a quibble on heraldic term for "hand")
    MAINPRISE, becoming surety for a prisoner so as to procure his release
    MAINTENANCE, giving aid, or abetting
    MAKE, mate
    MAKE, MADE, acquaint with business, prepare(d), instruct(ed)
    MALLANDERS, disease of horses
    MALT HORSE, dray horse
    MAMMET, puppet
    MAMMOTHREPT, spoiled child
    MANAGE, control (term used for breaking-in horses); handling, administration
    MANGO, slave-dealer
    MANGONISE, polish up for sale
    MANIPLES, bundles, handfuls
    MANKIND, masculine, like a virago
    MANEIND, humanity
    MAPLE FACE, spotted face (N.E.D.)
    MARCH PANE, a confection of almonds, sugar, etc.
    MARK, "fly to the —," "generally said of a goshawk when, having 'put in' a
    covey of partridges, she takes stand, making the spot where they
    disappeared from view until the falconer arrives to put them out to her"
    (Harting, Bibl. Accip. Gloss. 226)
    MARLE, marvel
    MARROW-BONE MAN, one often on his knees for prayer
    MARRY! exclamation derived from the Virgin's name
    MARRY GIP, "probably originated from By Mary Gipcy = St. Mary of Egypt,
    (N.E.D.)
    MARTAGAN, Turk's cap lily
    MARYHINCHCO, stringhalt
    MASORETH, Masora, correct form of the scriptural text according to Hebrew
    tradition
    Mass, abb. for master
    MAUND, beg
    MAUTHER, girl, maid
    MEAN, moderation
    MEASURE, dance, more especially a stately one
    MEAT, "carry — in one's mouth," be a source of money or entertainment
    MEATH, metheglin
    MECHANICAL, belonging to mechanics, mean, vulgar
    MEDITERRANEO, middle aisle of St. Paul's, a general resort for business and
    amusement
    MEET WITH, even with
    MELICOTTON, a late kind of peach
    MENSTRUE, solvent
    MERCAT, market
    MERD, excrement
    MERE, undiluted; absolute, unmitigated
    MESS, party of four
    METHEGLIN, fermented liquor, of which one ingredient was honey
    METOPOSCOPY, study of physiognomy
    MIDDLING GOSSIP, go-between
    MIGNIARD, dainty, delicate
    MILE-END, training-ground of the city
    MINE-MEN, sappers
    MINION, form of cannon
    MINSITIVE, (?) mincing, affected (N.E.D.)
    MISCELLANY MADAM, "a female trader in miscellaneous articles; a dealer in
    trinkets or ornaments of various kinds, such as kept shops in the New
    Exchange" (Nares)
    MISCELLINE, mixed grain; medley
    MISCONCEIT, misconception
    MISPRISE, MISPRISION, mistake, misunderstanding
    MISTAKE AWAY, carry away as if by mistake
    MITHRIDATE, an antidote against poison
    MOCCINIGO, small Venetian coin, worth about ninepence
    MODERN, in the mode; ordinary, common-place
    MOMENT, force or influence of value
    MONTANTO, upward stroke
    MONTH'S MIND, violent desire
    MOORISH, like a moor or waste
    MORGLAY, sword of Bevis of Southampton
    MORRICe-DANCE, dance on May Day, etc., in which certain personages were
    represented
    MORTALITY, death
    MORT-MAL, old score, gangrene
    MOSCADINO, confection flavoured with musk
    MOTHER, Hysterica passio
    MOTION, proposal, request; puppet, puppet-show; "one of the small figures
    on the face of a large clock which was moved by the vibration of the
    pendulum" (Whalley)
    MOTION, suggest, propose
    MOTLEY, parti-coloured dress of a fool; hence used to signify pertaining
    to, or like, a fool
    MOTTE, motto
    MOURNIVAL, set of four aces or court cards in a hand; a quartette
    MOW, setord hay or sheaves of grain
    MUCH! expressive of irony and incredulity
    MUCKINDER, handkerchief
    MULE, "born to ride on —," judges or serjeants-at-law formerly rode on
    mules when going in state to Westminster (Whally)
    MULLETS, small pincers
    MUM-CHANCE, game of chance, played in silence
    MUN, must
    MUREY, dark crimson red
    MUSCOVY-GLASS, mica
    MUSE, wonder
    MUSICAL, in harmony
    MUSS, mouse; scramble
    MYROBOLANE, foreign conserve, "a dried plum, brought from the Indies"
    MYSTERY, art, trade, profession.

    NAIL, "to the —" (ad unguem), to perfection, to the very utmost
    NATIVE, natural
    NEAT, cattle
    NEAT, smartly apparelled; unmixed; dainty
    NEATLY, neatly finished
    NEATNESS, elegance
    NEIS, nose, scent
    NEUF (NEAF, NEIF), fist
    NEUFT, newt
    NIAISE, foolish, inexperienced person
    NICE, fastidious, trivial, finical, scrupulous
    NICENESS, fastidiousness
    NICK, exact amount; right moment; "set in the —" meaning uncertain
    NICE, suit, fit' hit, seize the right moment, etc., exactly hit on, hit off
    NOBLE, gold coin worth 6s.8d.
    NOCENT, harmful
    NIL, not will
    NOISE, company of musicians
    NOMENTACK, an Indian chief from Virginia
    NONES, nonce
    NOTABLE, egregious
    NOTE, sign, token
    NOUGHT, "be —," go to the devil, be hanged, etc.
    NOWT-HEAD, blockhead
    NUMBER, rhythm
    NUPSON, oaf, simpleton

    OADE, wood
    OBARNI, preparation of mead
    OBJECT, oppose; expose; interpose
    OBLATRANT, barking, railing
    OBNOXIOUS, liable, exposed; offensive
    OBSERVANCE, homage, devoted service
    OBSERVANT, attentive, obsequious
    OBSERVE, show deference, respect
    OBSERVER, one who shows deference, or waits upon another
    OBSTANCY, legal phrase, "juridical opposition"
    OBSTREPEROUS, clamorous, vociferous
    OBSTUPEFACT, stupefied
    ODLING, (?) "must have some relation to tricking and cheating" (Nares)
    OMINOUS, deadly, fatal
    ONCE, at once; for good and all; used also for additional emphasis
    ONLY, pre-eminent, special
    OPEN, make public; expound
    OPPILATION, obstruction
    OPPONE, oppose
    OPPOSITE, antagonist
    OFFPRESS, suppress
    ORIGINOUS, native
    ORT, remnant, scrap
    OUT, "to be —." to have forgotten one's part; not at one with each other
    OUTCRY, sale by auction
    OUTREGUIDANCE, arrogance, presumption
    OUTSPEAK, speak more than
    OVERPARTED, given too difficult a part to play
    OWLSPIEGEL. See Howleglass
    OYEZ! (O YES!), hear ye! call of the public crier when about to make a
    proclamation

    PACKING PENNY, "give a —," dismiss, send packing
    PAD, highway
    PAD-HORSE, road-horse
    PAINED (PANED) SLOPS, full breeches made of strips of different colour and
    material
    PAINFUL, diligent, painstaking
    PAINT, blush
    PALINODE, ode of recantation
    PALL, weaken, dim, make stale
    PALM, triumph
    PAN, skirt of dress or coat
    PANNEL, pad, or rough kind of saddle
    PANNIER-ALLY, inhabited by tripe-sellers
    PANNIER-MAN, hawker; a man employed about the inns of court to bring in
    provisions, set the table, etc.
    PANTOFLE, indoor shoe, slipper
    PARAMENTOS, fine trappings
    PARANOMASIE, a play upon words
    PARANTORY, (?) peremptory
    PARCEL, particle, fragment (used contemptuously); article
    PARCEL, part, partly
    PARCEL-POET, poetaster
    PARERGA, subordinate matters
    PARGET, to paint or plaster the face
    PARLE, parley
    PARLOUS, clever, shrewd
    PART, apportion
    PARTAKE, participate in
    PARTED, endowed, talented
    PARTICULAR, individual person
    PARTIZAN, kind of halberd
    PARTRICH, partridge
    PARTS, qualities endowments
    PASH, dash, smash
    PASS, care, trouble oneself
    PASSADO, fending term: a thrust
    PASSAGE, game at dice
    PASSINGLY, exceedingly
    PASSION, effect caused by external agency
    PASSION, "in —," in so melancholy a tone, so pathetically
    PATOUN, (?) Fr. Paton, pellet of dough; perhaps the "moulding of the
    tobacco...for the pipe" (Gifford); (?) variant of Petun, South American
    name of tobacco
    PATRICO, the recorder, priest, orator of strolling beggars or gipsies
    PATTEN, shoe with wooden sole; "go —," keep step with, accompany
    PAUCA VERBA, few words
    PAVIN, a stately dance
    PEACE, "with my master's —," by leave, favour
    PECULIAR, individual, single
    PEDANT, teacher of the languages
    PEEL, baker's shovel
    PEEP, speak in a small or shrill voice
    PEEVISH(LY), foolish(ly), capricious(ly); childish(ly)
    PELICAN, a retort fitted with tube or tubes, for continuous distillation
    PENCIL, small tuft of hair
    PERDUE, soldier accustomed to hazardous service
    PEREMPTORY, resolute, bold; imperious; thorough, utter, absolute(ly)
    PERIMETER, circumference of a figure
    PERIOD, limit, end
    PERK, perk up
    PERPETUANA, "this seems to be that glossy kind of stuff now called
    everlasting, and anciently worn by serjeants and other city officers"
    (Gifford)
    PERSPICIL, optic glass
    PERSTRINGE, criticise, censure
    PERSUADE, inculcate, commend
    PERSWAY, mitigate
    PERTINACY, pertinacity
    PESTLING, pounding, pulverising, like a pestle
    PETASUS, broad-brimmed hat or winged cap worn by Mercury
    PETITIONARY, supplicatory
    PETRONEL, a kind of carbine or light gas carried by horsemen
    PETULANT, pert, insolent
    PHERE. See Fere
    PHLEGMA, watery distilled liquor (old chem. "water")
    PHRENETIC, madman
    PICARDIL, still upright collar fastened on to the coat (Whalley)
    PICT-HATCH, disreputable quarter of London
    PIECE, person, used for woman or girl; a gold coin worth in Jonson's time
    20s. or 22s.
    PIECES OF EIGHT, Spanish coin: piastre equal to eight reals
    PIED, variegated
    PIE-POUDRES (Fr. pied-poudreux, dusty-foot), court held at fairs to
    administer justice to itinerant vendors and buyers
    PILCHER, term of contempt; one who wore a buff or leather jerkin, as did
    the serjeants of the counter; a pilferer
    PILED, pilled, peeled, bald
    PILL'D, polled, fleeced
    PIMLICO, "sometimes spoken of as a person — perhaps master of a house
    famous for a particular ale" (Gifford)
    PINE, afflict, distress
    PINK, stab with a weapon; pierce or cut in scallops for ornament
    PINNACE, a go-between in infamous sense
    PISMIRE, ant
    PISTOLET, gold coin, worth about 6s.
    PITCH, height of a bird of prey's flight
    PLAGUE, punishment, torment
    PLAIN, lament
    PLAIN SONG, simple melody
    PLAISE, plaice
    PLANET, "struck with a —," planets were supposed to have powers of
    blasting or exercising secret influences
    PLAUSIBLE, pleasing
    PLAUSIBLY, approvingly
    PLOT, plan
    PLY, apply oneself to
    POESIE, posy, motto inside a ring
    POINT IN HIS DEVICE, exact in every particular
    POINTE, tabbed laces or cords for fastening the breeches to the doublet
    POINT-TRUSSER, one who trussed (tied) his master's points (q.v.)
    POISE, weigh, balance
    POKING-STICK, stick used for setting the plaits of ruffs
    POLITIC, politician
    POLITIC, judicious, prudent, political
    POLITICIAN, plotter, intriguer
    POLL, strip, plunder, gain by extortion
    POMMANDER, ball of perfume, worn or hung about the person to prevent
    infection, or for foppery
    POMMADO, vaulting on a horse without the aid of stirrups
    PONTIC, sour
    POPULAR, vulgar, of the populace
    POPULOUS, numerous
    PORT, gate; print of a deer's foot
    PORT, transport
    PORTAGUE, Portuguese gold coin, worth over £3 or f4
    PORTCULLIS, "— of coin," some old coins have a portcullis stamped on their
    reverse (Whalley)
    PORTENT, marvel, prodigy; sinister omen
    PORTENTOUS, prophesying evil, threatening
    PORTER, references appear "to allude to Parsons, the king's porter, who
    was... near seven feet high" (Whalley)
    POSSESS, inform, acquaint
    POST AND PAIR, a game at cards
    POSY, motto. (See Poesie)
    POTCH, poach
    POULT-FOOT, club-foot
    POUNCE, claw, talon
    PRACTICE, intrigue, concerted plot
    PRACTISE, plot, conspire
    PRAGMATIC, an expert, agent
    PRAGMATIC, officious, conceited, meddling
    PRECEDENT, record of proceedings
    PRECEPT, warrant, summons
    PRECISIAN(ISM), Puritan(ism), preciseness
    PREFER, recomment
    PRESENCE, presence chamber
    PRESENT(LY), immediate(ly), without delay; at the present time; actually
    PRESS, force into service
    PREST, ready
    PRETEND, assert, allege
    PREVENT, anticipate
    PRICE, worth, excellence
    PRICK, point, dot used in the writing of Hebrew and other languages
    PRICK, prick out, mark off, select; trace, track; "— away," make off with
    speed
    PRIMERO, game of cards
    PRINCOX, pert boy
    PRINT, "in —," to the letter, exactly
    PRISTINATE, former
    PRIVATE, private interests
    PRIVATE, privy, intimate
    PROCLIVE, prone to
    PRODIGIOUS, monstrous, unnatural
    PRODIGY, monster
    PRODUCED, prolonged
    PROFESS, pretend
    PROJECTION, the throwing of the "powder of projection" into the crucible to
    turn the melted metal into gold or silver
    PROLATE, pronounce drawlingly
    PROPER, of good appearance, handsome; own, particular
    PROPERTIES, state necessaries
    PROPERTY, duty; tool
    PRORUMPED, burst out
    PROTEST, vow, proclaim (an affected word of that time); formally declare
    non-payment, etc., of bill of exchange; fig. failure of personal credit,
    etc.
    PROVANT, soldier's allowance — hence, of common make
    PROVIDE, foresee
    PROVIDENCE, foresight, prudence
    PUBLICATION, making a thing public of common property (N.E.D.)
    PUCKFIST, puff-ball; insipid, insignificant, boasting fellow
    PUFF-WING, shoulder puff
    PUISNE, judge of inferior rank, a junior
    PULCHRITUDE, beauty
    PUMP, shoe
    PUNGENT, piercing
    PUNTO, point, hit
    PURCEPT, precept, warrant
    PURE, fine, capital, excellent
    PURELY, perfectly, utterly
    PURL, pleat or fold of a ruff
    PURSE-NET, net of which the mouth is drawn together with a string
    PURSUIVANT, state messenger who summoned the persecuted seminaries; warrant
    officer
    PURSY, PURSINESS, shortwinded(ness)
    PUT, make a push, exert yourself (N.E.D.)
    PUT OFF, excuse, shift
    PUT ON, incite, encourage; proceed with, take in hand, try

    QUACKSALVER, quack
    QUAINT, elegant, elaborated, ingenious, clever
    QUAR, quarry
    QUARRIED, seized, or fed upon, as prey
    QUEAN, hussy, jade
    QUEASY, hazardous, delicate
    QUELL, kill, destroy
    QUEST, request; inquiry
    QUESTION, decision by force of arms
    QUESTMAN, one appointed to make official inquiry
    QUIB, QUIBLIN, quibble, quip
    QUICK, the living
    QUIDDIT, quiddity, legal subtlety
    QUIRK, clever turn or trick
    QUIT, requite, repay; acquit, absolve; rid; forsake, leave
    QUITTER-BONE, disease of horses
    QUODLING, codling
    QUOIT, throw like a quoit, chuck
    QUOTE, take note, observe, write down

    RACK, neck of mutton or pork (Halliwell)
    RAKE UP, cover over
    RAMP, rear, as a lion, etc.
    RAPT, carry away
    RAPT, enraptured
    RASCAL, young or inferior deer
    RASH, strike with a glancing oblique blow, as a boar with its tusk
    RATSEY, GOMALIEL, a famous highwayman
    RAVEN, devour
    REACH, understand
    REAL, regal
    REBATU, ruff, turned-down collar
    RECTOR, RECTRESS, director, governor
    REDARGUE, confute
    REDUCE, bring back
    REED, rede, counsel, advice
    REEL, run riot
    REFEL, refute
    REFORMADOES, disgraced or disbanded soldiers
    REGIMENT, government
    REGRESSION, return
    REGULAR ("Tale of a Tub"), regular noun (quibble) (N.E.D.)
    RELIGION, "make — of," make a point of, scruple of
    RELISH, savour
    REMNANT, scrap of quotation
    REMORA, species of fish
    RENDER, depict, exhibit, show
    REPAIR, reinstate
    REPETITION, recital, narration
    REREMOUSE, bat
    RESIANT, resident
    RESIDENCE, sediment
    RESOLUTION, judgment, decision
    RESOLVE, inform; assure; prepare, make up one's mind; dissolve; come to a
    decision, be convinced; relax, set at ease
    RESPECTIVE, worthy of respect; regardful, discriminative
    RESPECTIVELY, with reverence
    RESPECTLESS, regardless
    RESPIRE, exhale; inhale
    RESPONSIBLE, correspondent
    REST, musket-rest
    REST, "set up one's —," venture one's all, one's last stake (from game of
    primero)
    REST, arrest
    RESTIVE, RESTY, dull, inactive
    RETCHLESS(NESS), reckless(ness)
    RETIRE, cause to retire
    RETRICATO, fencing term
    RETRIEVE, rediscovery of game once sprung
    RETURNS, ventures sent abroad, for the safe return of which so much money
    is received
    REVERBERATE, dissolve or blend by reflected heat
    REVERSE, REVERSO, back-handed thrust, etc., in fencing
    REVISE, reconsider a sentence
    RHEUM, spleen, caprice
    RIBIBE, abusive term for an old woman
    RID, destroy, do away with
    RIFLING, raffling, dicing
    RING, "cracked within the —," coins so cracked were unfit for currency
    RISSE, risen, rose
    RIVELLED, wrinkled
    ROARER, swaggerer
    ROCHET, fish of the gurnet kind
    ROCK, distaff
    RODOMONTADO, braggadocio
    ROGUE, vagrant, vagabond
    RONDEL, "a round mark in the score of a public-house" (Nares); roundel
    ROOK, sharper; fool, dupe
    ROSAKER, similar to ratsbane
    ROSA-SOLIS, a spiced spirituous liquor
    ROSES, rosettes
    ROUND, "gentlemen of the —," officers of inferior rank
    ROUND TRUNKS, trunk hose, short loose breeches reaching almost or quite to
    the knees
    ROUSE, carouse, bumper
    ROVER, arrow used for shooting at a random mark at uncertain distance
    ROWLY-POWLY, roly-poly
    RUDE, RUDENESS, unpolished, rough(ness), coarse(ness)
    RUFFLE, flaunt, swagger
    RUG, coarse frieze
    RUG-GOWNS, gown made of rug
    RUSH, reference to rushes with which the floors were then strewn
    RUSHER, one who strewed the floor with rushes
    RUSSET, homespun cloth of neutral or reddish-brown colour

    SACK, loose, flowing gown
    SADLY, seriously, with gravity
    SAD(NESS), sober, serious(ness)
    SAFFI, bailiffs
    ST. THOMAS A WATERINGS, place in Surrey where criminals were executed
    SAKER, small piece of ordnance
    SALT, leap
    SALT, lascivious
    SAMPSUCHINE, sweet marjoram
    SARABAND, a slow dance
    SATURNALS, began December 17
    SAUCINESS, presumption, insolence
    SAUCY, bold, impudent, wanton
    SAUNA (Lat.), a gesture of contempt
    SAVOUR, perceive; gratify, please; to partake of the nature
    SAY, sample
    SAY, assay, try
    SCALD, word of contempt, implying dirt and disease
    SCALLION, shalot, small onion
    SCANDERBAG, "name which the Turks (in allusion to Alexander the Great) gave
    to the brave Castriot, chief of Albania, with whom they had continual wars.
    His romantic life had just been translated" (Gifford)
    SCAPE, escape
    SCARAB, beetle
    SCARTOCCIO, fold of paper, cover, cartouch, cartridge
    SCONCE, head
    SCOPE, aim
    SCOT AND LOT, tax, contribution (formerly a parish assessment)
    SCOTOMY, dizziness in the head
    SCOUR, purge
    SCOURSE, deal, swap
    SCRATCHES, disease of horses
    SCROYLE, mean, rascally fellow
    SCRUPLE, doubt
    SEAL, put hand to the giving up of property or rights
    SEALED, stamped as genuine
    SEAM-RENT, ragged
    SEAMING LACES, insertion or edging
    SEAR UP, close by searing, burning
    SEARCED, sifted
    SECRETARY, able to keep a secret
    SECULAR, worldly, ordinary, commonplace
    SECURE, confident
    SEELIE, happy, blest
    SEISIN, legal term: possession
    SELLARY, lewd person
    SEMBLABLY, similarly
    SEMINARY, a Romish priest educated in a foreign seminary
    SENSELESS, insensible, without sense or feeling
    SENSIBLY, perceptibly
    SENSIVE, sensitive
    SENSUAL, pertaining to the physical or material
    SERENE, harmful dew of evening
    SERICON, red tincture
    SERVANT, lover
    SERVICES, doughty deeds of arms
    SESTERCE, Roman copper coin
    SET, stake, wager
    SET UP, drill
    SETS, deep plaits of the ruff
    SEWER, officer who served up the feast, and brought water for the hands of
    the guests
    SHAPE, a suit by way of disguise
    SHIFT, fraud, dodge
    SHIFTER, cheat
    SHITTLE, shuttle; "shittle-cock," shuttlecock
    SHOT, tavern reckoning
    SHOT-CLOG, one only tolerated because he paid the shot (reckoning) for the rest
    SHOT-FREE, scot-free, not having to pay
    SHOVE-GROAT, low kind of gambling amusement, perhaps somewhat of the nature
    of pitch and toss
    SHOT-SHARKS, drawers
    SHREWD, mischievous, malicious, curst
    SHREWDLY, keenly, in a high degree
    SHRIVE, sheriff; posts were set up before his door for proclamations, or to
    indicate his residence
    SHROVING, Shrovetide, season of merriment
    SIGILLA, seal, mark
    SILENCED BRETHERN, MINISTERS, those of the Church or Nonconformists who had
    been silenced, deprived, etc.
    SILLY, simple, harmless
    SIMPLE, silly, witless; plain, true
    SIMPLES, herbs
    SINGLE, term of chase, signifying when the hunted stag is separated from
    the herd, or forced to break covert
    SINGLE, weak, silly
    SINGLE-MONEY, small change
    SINGULAR, unique, supreme
    SI-QUIS, bill, advertisement
    SKELDRING, getting money under false pretences; swindlilng
    SKILL, "it — a not," matters not
    SEINK(ER), pour, draw(er), tapster
    SKIRT, tail
    SLEEK, smooth
    SLICE, fire shovel or pan (dial.)
    SLICK, sleek, smooth
    'SLID, 'SLIGHT, 'SPRECIOUS, irreverent oaths
    SLIGHT, sleight, cunning, cleverness; trick
    SLIP, counterfeit coin, bastard
    SLIPPERY, polished and shining
    SLOPS, large loose breeches
    SLOT, print of a stag's foot
    SLUR, put a slur on; chear (by sliding a die in some way)
    SMELT, gull, simpleton
    SNORLE, "perhaps snarl as Puppy is addressed" (Cunningham)
    SNOTTERIE, filth
    SNUFF, anger, resentment; "take in —," take offence at
    SNUFFERS, small open silver dishes for holding snuff, or receptacle for
    placing snuffers in (Halliwell)
    SOCK, shoe worn by comic actors
    SOD, seethe
    SOGGY, soaked, sodden
    SOIL, "take —," said of a hunted stag when he takes to the water for safety
    SOL, sou
    SOLDADOES, soldiers
    SOLICIT, rouse, excite to action
    SOOTH, flattery, cajolery
    SOOTHE, flatter, humour
    SOPHISTICATE, adulterate
    SORT, company, party; rank, degree
    SORT, suit, fit; select
    SOUSE, ear
    SOUSED ("Devil is an Ass"), fol. read "sou't," which Dyce interprets as "a
    variety of the spelling of 'shu'd': to shu is to scare a bird away." (See
    his Webster, p. 350)
    SOWTER, cobbler
    SPAGYRICA, chemistry according to the teachings of Paracelsus
    SPAR, bar
    SPEAK, make known, proclaim
    SPECULATION, power of sight
    SPED, to have fared well, prospered
    SPEECE, species
    SPIGHT, anger, rancour
    SPINNER, spider
    SPINSTRY, lewd person
    SPITTLE, hospital, lazar-house
    SPLEEN, considered the seat of the emotions
    SPLEEN, caprice, humour, mood
    SPRUNT, spruce
    SPURGE, foam
    SPUR-RYAL, gold coin worth 15s.
    SQUIRE, square, measure; "by the —," exactly.
    STAGGERING, wavering, hesitating
    STAIN, disparagement, disgrace
    STALE, decoy, or cover, stalking-horse
    STALE, make cheap, common
    STALE, approach stealthily or under cover
    STALL, forestall
    STANDARD, suit
    STAPLE, market emporium
    STARK, downright
    STARTING-HOLES, loopholes of escape
    STATE, dignity; canopied chair of state; estate
    STATUMINATE, support vines by poles or stakes; used by Pliny (Gifford)
    STAY, gag
    STAY, await; detain
    STICKLER, second or umpire
    STIGMATISE, mark, brand
    STILL, continual(ly), constant(ly)
    STINKARD, stinking fellow
    STINT, stop
    STIPTIC, astringent
    STOCCATA, thrust in fencing
    STOCK-FISH, salted and dried fish
    STOMACH, pride, valour
    STOMACH, resent
    STOOP, swoop down as a hawk
    STOP, fill, stuff
    STOPPLE, stopper
    STOTE, stoat, weasel
    STOUP, stoop, swoop=bow
    STRAIGHT, straightway
    STRAMAZOUN (Ital. stramazzone), a down blow, as opposed to the thrust
    STRANGE, like a stranger, unfamiliar
    STRANGENESS, distance of behaviour
    STREIGHTS, OR BERMUDAS, labyrinth of alleys and courts in the Strand
    STRIGONIUM, Grau in Hungary, taken from the Turks in 1597
    STRIKE, balance (accounts)
    STRINGHALT, disease of horses
    STROKER, smoother, flatterer
    STROOK, p.p. of "strike"
    STRUMMEL-PATCHED, strummed is glossed in dialect dicts. as "a long, loose
    and dishevelled head of hair"
    STUDIES, studious efforts
    STYLE, title; pointed instrument used for writing on wax tablets
    SUBTLE, fine, delicate, thin; smooth, soft
    SUBTLETY (SUBTILITY), subtle device
    SUBURB, connected with loose living
    SUCCUBAE, demons in form of women
    SUCK, extract money from
    SUFFERANCE, suffering
    SUMMED, term of falconry: with full-grown plumage
    SUPER-NEGULUM, topers turned the cup bottom up when it was empty
    SUPERSTITIOUS, over-scrupulous
    SUPPLE, to make pliant
    SURBATE, make sore with walking
    SURCEASE, cease
    SUR-REVERENCE, save your reverence
    SURVISE, peruse
    SUSCITABILITY, excitability
    SUSPECT, suspicion
    SUSPEND, suspect
    SUSPENDED, held over for the present
    SUTLER, victualler
    SWAD, clown, boor
    SWATH BANDS, swaddling clothes
    SWINGE, beat

    TABERD, emblazoned mantle or tunic worn by knights and heralds
    TABLE(S), "pair of —," tablets, note-book
    TABOR, small drum
    TABRET, tabor
    TAFFETA, silk; "tuft-taffeta," a more costly silken fabric
    TAINT, "— a staff," break a lance at tilting in an unscientific or
    dishonourable manner
    TAKE IN, capture, subdue
    TAKE ME WITH YOU, let me understand you
    TAKE UP, obtain on credit, borrow
    TALENT, sum or weight of Greek currency
    TALL, stout, brave
    TANKARD-BEARERS, men employed to fetch water from the conduits
    TARLETON, celebrated comedian and jester
    TARTAROUS, like a Tartar
    TAVERN-TOKEN, "to swallow a —," get drunk
    TELL, count
    TELL-TROTH, truth-teller
    TEMPER, modify, soften
    TENDER, show regard, care for cherish; manifest
    TENT, "take —," take heed
    TERSE, swept and polished
    TERTIA, "that portion of an army levied out of one particular district or
    division of a country" (Gifford)
    TESTON, tester, coin worth 6d.
    THIRDBOROUGH, constable
    THREAD, quality
    THREAVES, droves
    THREE-FARTHINGS, piece of silver current under Elizabeth
    THREE-PILED, of finest quality, exaggerated
    THRIFTILY, carefully
    THRUMS, ends of the weaver's warp; coarse yarn made from
    THUMB-RING, familiar spirits were supposed capable of being carried about
    in various ornaments or parts of dress
    TIBICINE, player on the tibia, or pipe
    TICK-TACK, game similar to backgammon
    TIGHTLY, promptly
    TIM, (?) expressive of a climax of nonentity
    TIMELESS, untimely, unseasonable
    TINCTURE, an essential or spiritual principle supposed by alchemists to be
    transfusible into material things; an imparted characteristic or tendency
    TINK, tinkle
    TIPPET, "turn —," change behaviour or way of life
    TIPSTAFF, staff tipped with metal
    TIRE, head-dress
    TIRE, feed ravenously, like a bird of prey
    TITILLATION, that which tickles the senses, as a perfume
    TOD, fox
    TOILED, worn out, harassed
    TOKEN, piece of base metal used in place of very small coin, when this was
    scarce
    TONNELS, nostrils
    TOP, "parish —," large top kept in villages for amusement and exercise in
    frosty weather when people were out of work
    TOTER, tooter, player on a wind instrument
    TOUSE, pull, read
    TOWARD, docile, apt; on the way to; as regards; present, at hand
    TOY, whim; trick; term of contempt
    TRACT, attraction
    TRAIN, allure, entice
    TRANSITORY, transmittable
    TRANSLATE, transform
    TRAY-TRIP, game at dice (success depended on throwing a three) (Nares)
    TREACHOUR (TRECHER), traitor
    TREEN, wooden
    TRENCHER, serving-man who carved or served food
    TRENDLE-TAIL, trundle-tail, curly-tailed
    TRICK (TRICKING), term of heraldry: to draw outline of coat of arms, etc.,
    without blazoning
    TRIG, a spruce, dandified man
    TRILL, trickle
    TRILLIBUB, tripe, any worthless, trifling thing
    TRIPOLY, "come from —," able to perform feats of agility, a "jest
    nominal," depending on the first part of the word (Gifford)
    TRITE, worn, shabby
    TRIVIA, three-faced goddess (Hecate)
    TROJAN, familiar term for an equal or inferior; thief
    TROLL, sing loudly
    TROMP, trump, deceive
    TROPE, figure of speech
    TROW, think, believe, wonder
    TROWLE, troll
    TROWSES, breeches, drawers
    TRUCHMAN, interpreter
    TRUNDLE, JOHN, well-known printer
    TRUNDLE, roll, go rolling along
    TRUNDLING CHEATS, term among gipsies and beggars for carts or coaches (Gifford)
    TRUNK, speaking-tube
    TRUSS, tie the tagged laces that fastened the breeches to the doublet
    TUBICINE, trumpeter
    TUCKET (Ital. toccato), introductory flourish on the trumpet
    TUITION, guardianship
    TUMBLE, a particular kind of dog so called from the mode of his hunting
    TUMBREL-SLOP, loose, baggy breeches
    TURD, excrement
    TUSK, gnash the teeth (Century Dict.)
    TWIRE, peep, twinkle
    TWOPENNY ROOM, gallery
    TYRING-HOUSE, attiring-room

    ULENSPIEGEL. See Howleglass
    UMBRATILE, like or pertaining to a shadow
    UMBRE, brown dye
    UNBATED, unabated
    UNBORED, (?) excessively bored
    UNCARNATE, not fleshly, or of flesh
    UNCOUTH, strange, unusual
    UNDERTAKER, "one who undertook by his influence in the House of Commons to
    carry things agreeably to his Majesty's wishes" (Whalley); one who becomes
    surety for
    UNEQUAL, unjust
    UNEXCEPTED, no objection taken at
    UNFEARED, unaffrighted
    UNHAPPILY, unfortunately
    UNICORN'S HORN, supposed antidote to poison
    UNKIND(LY), unnatural(ly)
    UNMANNED, untamed (term in falconry)
    UNQUIT, undischarged
    UNREADY, undressed
    UNRUDE, rude to an extreme
    UNSEASONED, unseasonable, unripe
    UNSEELED, a hawk's eyes were "seeled" by sewing the eyelids together with
    fine thread
    UNTIMELY, unseasonably
    UNVALUABLE, invaluable
    UPBRAID, make a matter of reproach
    UPSEE, heavy kind of Dutch beer (Halliwell); "— Dutch," in the Dutch fashion
    UPTAILS ALL, refrain of a popular song
    URGE, allege as accomplice, instigator
    URSHIN, URCHIN, hedgehog
    USE, interest on money; part of sermon dealing with the practical
    application of doctrine
    USE, be in the habit of, accustomed to; put out to interest
    USQUEBAUGH, whisky
    USURE, usury
    UTTER, put in circulation, make to pass current; put forth for sale

    VAIL, bow, do homage
    VAILS, tips, gratuities
    VALL. See Vail
    VALLIES (Fr. valise), portmanteau, bag
    VAPOUR(S) (n. and v.), used affectedly, like "humour," in many senses,
    often very vaguely and freely ridiculed by Jonson; humour, disposition,
    whims, brag(ging), hector(ing), etc.
    VARLET, bailiff, or serjeant-at-mace
    VAUT, vault
    VEER (naut.), pay out
    VEGETAL, vegetable; person full of life and vigour
    VELLUTE, velvet
    VELVET CUSTARD. Cf. "Taming of the Shrew," iv. 3, 82, "custard coffin,"
    coffin being the raised crust over a pie
    VENT, vend, sell; give outlet to; scent snuff up
    VENUE, bout (fencing term)
    VERDUGO (Span.), hangman, executioner
    VERGE, "in the —," within a certain distance of the court
    VEX, agitate, torment
    VICE, the buffoon of old moralities; some kind of machinery for moving a
    puppet (Gifford)
    VIE AND REVIE, to hazard a certain sum, and to cover it with a larger one.

    VINCENT AGAINST YORK, two heralds-at-arms
    VINDICATE, avenge
    VIRGE, wand, rod
    VIRGINAL, old form of piano
    VIRTUE, valour
    VIVELY, in lifelike manner, livelily
    VIZARD, mask
    VOGUE, rumour, gossip
    VOICE, vote
    VOID, leave, quit
    VOLARY, cage, aviary
    VOLLEY, "at —," "o' the volee," at random (from a term of tennis)
    VORLOFFE, furlough

    WADLOE, keeper of the Devil Tavern, where Jonson and his friends met in the
    'Apollo' room (Whalley)
    WAIGHTS, waits, night musicians, "band of musical watchmen" (Webster), or
    old form of "hautboys"
    WANNION, "vengeance," "plague" (Nares)
    WARD, a famous pirate
    WARD, guard in fencing
    WATCHET, pale, sky blue
    WEAL, welfare
    WEED, garment
    WEFT, waif
    WEIGHTS, "to the gold —," to every minute particular
    WELKIN, sky
    WELL-SPOKEN, of fair speech
    WELL-TORNED, turned and polished, as on a wheel
    WELT, hem, border of fur
    WHER, whether
    WHETSTONE, GEORGE, an author who lived 1544(?) to 1587(?)
    WHIFF, a smoke, or drink; "taking the —," inhaling the tobacco smoke or
    some such accomplishment
    WHIGH-HIES, neighings, whinnyings
    WHIMSY, whim, "humour"
    WHINILING, (?) whining, weakly
    WHIT, (?) a mere jot
    WHITEMEAT, food made of milk or eggs
    WICKED, bad, clumsy
    WICKER, pliant, agile
    WILDING, esp. fruit of wild apple or crab tree (Webster)
    WINE, "I have the — for you," Prov.: I have the perquisites (of the
    office) which you are to share (Cunningham)
    WINNY, "same as old word 'wonne', to stay, etc." (Whalley)
    WISE-WOMAN, fortune-teller
    WISH, recommend
    WISS (WUSSE), "I —," certainly, of a truth
    WITHHOUT, beyond
    WITTY, cunning, ingenious, clever
    WOOD, collection, lot
    WOODCOCK, term of contempt
    WOOLSACK ("— pies"), name of tavern
    WORT, unfermented beer
    WOUNDY, great, extreme
    WREAK, revenge
    WROUGHT, wrought upon
    WUSSE, interjection. (See Wiss)

    YEANLING, lamb, kid

    ZANY, an inferior clown, who attended upon the chief fool and mimicked his
    tricks